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samuel-de-champagne-problems · 4 years ago

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It's Delicate: Part II

Summary: Spencer Reid finds himself at a gas station at 2:00 am, thinking he’s only leaving with a cup of crappy coffee. But something taped to the door catches his eye. Spencer leaves the gas station with more than he intended: the chance at a friend, and maybe something more along the way.

Word Count: 3.6 k

Author’s Note: Here's the second part in It's Delicate, my first chapter fic. I've planned out kind of where I see this eventually going! Thank you to anyone who reads, likes, comments, and reblogs. It really means the world to me.

Content Warnings: Expletive language (3 uses), mentions of drug use, sexual innuendo

READ PART I

It's Delicate Masterlist

It's Delicate

Sitting on the plane, Spencer looks out from the little window. For hours, there’s been nothing but corn fields and clouds. It’s eerily peaceful, being there high above the clouds. His whole life Spencer has felt this distance between him and everyone else, but nothing makes that feeling more prominent than being strapped in a glorified metal box 35,000 feet off the Earth’s surface. But the thing is, Spencer does need to be flying above the trees to feel lonely. He can do that with two feet on the ground.

Luke sits across Spencer, the table between them and a deck of playing cards are spread out across its surface. He has to nudge Spencer’s leg from under the table, trying to bring him back to reality as he stares out the window.

“Whatcha thinking,” Luke asks, Spencer has been noticing more and more that Luke is one of the few people that actually listens to him.

Spencer, whose mind is racing too fast to even formulate an articulate thought, attempts to dodge Luke’s question with a noncommittal shrug.

“Reid, these cases are hard for all of us, you gotta know that man,” Luke says, laying down a four of a kind.

Spencer narrows his eyes, shocked that it hasn’t clicked yet for the rest of the team. He cracks his neck, preparing to answer Luke.

“We almost locked up an innocent man, Alvez. I almost sent another man to the same fate as myself. What kind of fucked up message is that?” Spencer says, throwing down the cards on the table. He doesn’t wait for Luke to respond.

“I fold,”

Spencer walks off into the small kitchenette to make a cup of coffee. He doesn’t want to think about his increased reliance on coffee, because he knows it’s a hot cup of coffee or a cold needle of Dilaudid in his veins. Spencer checks his watch, it’s 10:17 pm, maybe too late to find a meeting at a church or rec center somewhere.

He sneaks a peak at his phone, which was still unfortunately on Airplane Mode, he hasn’t even gotten a chance to see if Y/N has responded. He doesn’t know much about her, just as much as she knows about him.

It’s a brave new world for Spencer and he’s knee deep into the unknown.

Spencer can feel Luke’s eyes on him. He just knows that the minute he gets home, a certain tech expert will be ringing him. He knows that it’s Luke’s way of caring, but for someone who’s been alone for so long, having people that actually care is almost drowning.

Walking back to his seat, Spencer hands Luke a coffee. He smiles slightly; it’s the awkward smile that he used to make when intimating police chiefs and idiot cops would look him up and down like he’s a TA. It’s a peace offering for Luke, who despite his tough looking exterior, is one of the kindest people Spencer knows.

“Look, Reid. I’m sorry that we didn’t put it together. It’s just that man that we caught, he’s not like you. He’s not innocent of crimes, he’s just innocent of this crime,” Luke says in an attempt to make Spencer feel a little bit better.

“The thing is Luke, I’m exactly like that man,”

Spencer returns to staring out the window. The cards and the coffee on the table are long ignored for the silence that is found when you’re high above the clouds.

Spencer hears Tara and Emily murmur quietly about going out for a round of drinks. Luke accepts, while JJ and Matt decline, eager to get home to their families. Emily looks over at Spencer, her eyes silently scanning him, his body language. Spencer knows that there’s nothing he can hide from Emily, so there’s no use in trying to pretend he’s alright when she can take one look at him and know that nothing is right.

“You guys have fun, I’m going to head home and get some sleep. I plan on visiting my mom tomorrow and mornings are usually better for her,” Spencer says, slinging his go bag around his shoulders and making the trek back to the security to check out.

He walks slowly, enjoying the sound of the crickets chirping as he trudges along. Spencer tries not to think about the man, Richard, who was almost locked up for a crime that he didn’t commit. Spencer is pretty sure that being the person to throw an innocent man in jail is worse than being the innocent man in jail.

Spencer’s phone buzzes loudly, disturbing the silence of his walk. He looks at the phone to see a couple of messages from Y/N. Spencer slides open the lock to his phone and hits the button to read her messages.

Y/N: Spencer...that has a nice ring to it. So tell me a little bit about yourself. Your big three, but as books. Go! 🌞🌙⬆️

Furrowing his brow, Spencer reads the message over again. He does not have a clue what “big three” means, but it seems like some sort of pop culture thing that he’s not skilled in. He wants to text Garcia for a translation, but he’s also not too keen on telling her how he came across Y/N’s number.

Y/N: I assume you’re working, but I'm kind of impatient so I’ll give you mine 🙃 I’m a Little Women sun, an Emma moon, and an In Cold Blood rising.

Y/N: Oh no….I hope my astrology didn’t turn you off

Y/N: Not that I was trying to turn you on

Y/N: omg Y/N please shut the fuck up

Astrology? Spencer isn’t one to judge, but he’s a scientist first and foremost. The idea that there is something written about him in the stars seems like ludicrous. He decided to ignore the other messages, particularly the ones with a little more than slight innuendo.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m sorry I just got out of work. As for my big three, I’m not sure about astrology. I don’t particularly believe in pseudoscience. But those are good choices. In Cold Blood is an excellent choice. Capote spent years researching the case. In fact his prose and technique inspired the entire “Nonfiction novel” genre. The world of journalism and true crime would not be where it is without Capote’s work.

Y/N: Oh my god. You are a total nerd. 🙀

That stops Spencer right in his tracks. He’s only a couple of yards away from the Volvo at this point, but somehow it feels a million miles away. You are a total nerd. The words replay in his mind as the small gray bubbles pop up again. Spencer can feel his heart constrict at Y/N’s words. It’s ridiculous, he’s nearly 34 and is getting upset that a stranger called him a nerd. Spencer unlocks his car and tosses his go bag, phone included onto the passenger seat.

After a couple of minutes his phone buzzes again. He’s half tempted to answer it, but the way his heart seems to beat faster tells him to ignore it.

Y/N: I fucking love it and I think you’ll love this too

Spencer’s entire demeanor changes as he reads the message. He’s always had difficulties reading emotion in writing, especially when he can’t analyze the handwriting. Sometimes, it’s even harder to judge inflection during conversations. Maybe that is why Spencer has spent all this time studying people, studying the way that their minds work. Before he can get too lost in his thoughts, another message pops up.

Y/N: Meet Capote and Second Cat

Y/N: They are the loves of my life

Spencer: They are very...distinguished looking. Capote is an excellent name choice then. Second Cat is also quite catchy.

Spencer hesitates before sending the message, he notices that Y/N uses what Garcia calls “emojis” quite frequently. He assumes that it’s some sort of “texting lingo” that expresses emotion in small graphics. Great, he thinks. He already has a difficult time deciphering Y/N’s cryptic wording and now he’s got to analyze these emojis.

Maybe he should profile her. He re-reads the message and settles on a “😄” because he figures that he can’t go wrong with offering Y/N a smile.

Spencer: I don’t have a cat, but when I was a kid I always wanted one, they’re quite good companions for those that live several different kinds of lifestyles. From active to sedentary, they are adaptable and independent. Honestly they are the perfect pet.

Y/N: Is this your way of telling you’re a crazy cat man? 😜 🙀

Spencer, still sitting in his car that’s parked in the parking lot, chuckles at Y/N’s response to his message. Maybe it’s just easier to ignore his rambling when it’s done through 1s and 0s and there isn’t a face to the words.

Spencer: I’m actually more of a fish guy

Y/N: Like a “I-like-to-go-fishing-and-post-picture-of-myself-kissing-my-catch-on-Tinder” kind of fish guy or...I can’t think of any other kind of fish men

Spencer, not totally understanding the obvious joke that Y/N is trying to make, settles on something that he hasn’t really ever tried: being himself.

Spencer: Not quite sure what a Tinder is, but I think fishing is terrifying and kissing a fish is something out of nightmares. But his name is Leo

Y/N: DiCaprio?

Spencer: Uhh, Tolstoy

Y/N: Good😉 ⚔️🕊️ 🇷🇺

Spencer glances at his clock on the control panel, it tells him that he’s been messaging with Y/N back and forth for nearly 22 minutes. He nearly forgot how tired he was.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m so sorry but, I just got to my car to drive home from work. I’ll text you tomorrow morning about the book club, maybe we can figure out some things.

Y/N: OMG Spencer!! you should have told me. I’ve been talking ur ear off. sleep well and yes please tomorrow we can talk about the book club

Y/N: Good night, Book Buddy 😴

Spencer wants to respond to Y/N, but he doesn’t know what to say. She seems to text so easily, and judging by that, she must be around Spencer’s age or a little bit younger. Besides JJ and Penelope, Spencer has never had a friend close to his age. It’s a strange new territory for him and he’s walking in head first into No Man’s Land.

He starts his Volvo, the check engine still lights but, reminding him once again to go get it fixed. Driving away from the parking lot, Spencer hands over his ID to Gina, the security guard. She checks his ID and gives him a tired smile. Spencer, as he drives home to his apartment, thinking about what books he and Y/N will read together. He wonders what kind of books are her favorite, if they have any authors that they can obsess over together, or if what she thinks a poet’s prose is.

The summer air rushing in through the window is nowhere as warm and as comforting as thought of Spencer finally having a friend that isn’t able to read the scars of his past in the text bubbles that pop up on her screen.

When Spencer opens his eyes for the first time that morning, he isn’t sure where he is. Sometimes, before he can stop his thoughts from travelling there, Spencer thinks he’s still in jail. He hates the feeling of terror that rushes over him but he hates the idea of being vulnerable a little bit more. But the softness of his pillows and the coolness of his cotton sheets remind him that he’s not sleeping on a hard cot with only a layer of fabric over his body. The light streams in through the half closed blinds, and Spencer judges by how brightly the sun shines in, it must be around 9:45 am.

He supposes that he prefers the way the sun’s rays paint horizontal bars across his face more than the vertical bars that cast gray shadows over his cell at Milburn Penitentiary.

It’s a day off from work, so Spencer didn’t set an alarm, instead allowing his mind and his body to catch up on some much needed rest. The nightmares have been getting better, but his dreams are still haunted by the way that he hardly recognizes himself anymore. Deciding that it will be a day spent in pajamas, Spencer goes to his bookshelf in his bedroom to pick out a couple of novels to read while he drinks his morning coffee and defrosts some of Luke’s strawberry pastries.

Before heading out of his room, Spencer stops himself in the doorway. He replays the events of last night. He declined to go out with the rest of the team, while he walked to his car he thought about the crickets telling the temperature, and he read over Y/N’s messages.

Y/N.

He promised he’d text her back in the morning about their book club. Last night, she didn’t seem to mind Spencer’s long messages and awkward phrasing. He still doesn’t really know how this Book Buddy thing would work, but since he found Y/N’s number on the flyer, he can only assume that she knows what to do. He leaps on his bed, landing with thud on his belly, to grab his phone that charges on his nightstand.

Spencer settles at his kitchen table, a cup of steaming hot Dark Roast coffee in a Captain Spock mug in one hand and, surprisingly, his phone in the other. He scrolls through the messages from last night, Y/N’s cat and emojis tempt a smile to Spencer’s face.

Not entirely sure how to start the conversation again, Spencer looks around for inspiration until his eyes land on a certain fish tank in the corner of his apartment. He snaps a quick picture of Leo and attaches it to the message.

Spencer: Good Morning from Leo & Spencer

Spencer sets down his phone after a moment when he realizes that Y/N is probably not going to answer him back in a couple of seconds. He takes out a strawberry pastry from his freezer and puts it into the toaster oven on a non-stick baking sheet. His thumbs run across the texture of the book he started on the plane ride after his and Luke’s ill fated poker game. It's a thin book of collected essays on the meaning of life. Camus, to Spencer, is a little pessimistic with his droning on about the meaninglessness of life. Though Spence has seen the absolute worst that humanity has to offer, he still has to believe that there’s a deeper meaning behind it all.

His toaster oven rings, altering him so that his toasted strawberry pastry is cooked. He plates his breakfast and pours himself another cup of coffee- he’ll need it to get through Camus’s section on Absurdism this early in the morning. But the flash of Spencer’s phone screen sends him reaching for his phone. Y/N replied to his message.

Y/N: hi leo!!!

Y/N: and you too Spencer :) Did you get a good night’s sleep. You got back late it seems.

Spencer, taking a bite of the strawberry pastry, ignores the burning sensation in his mouth. He types out a response to Y/N as he washes down the bite with a swing of coffee.

Spencer: I did, thank you. Can you tell me a little bit more about this book buddy thing. From what I gathered from the flyer it’s like a little book club of our own and we meet at the bookstore?

It doesn’t take long for Y/N to respond. The little gray dots pop up almost immediately after Spencer’s message is delivered.

Y/N: That’s about right! Is it okay if I call you? Kinda easier to talk that way 🤷‍♀️

Spencer reads over the message a couple of times. He doesn’t really like to talk on the phone and only does it out of necessity. He’s pretty sure that his voice is grating and his vocal fry is quite irritating. Yet, he finds himself replying “yes” to Y/N. Soon enough, his phone buzzes in his hand and Spencer has to remind himself how to pick up a call.

“Spencer? Um, this is Spencer Reid, right?” the voice says. It’s a woman’s voice and he can only assume that it’s Y/N, considering it is her phone number calling him.

“Y/N, uh hi. This is Dr. Spencer- I mean this is Spencer,” he says, nearly forgetting that Y/N doesn’t know him as Dr. Reid, but as just Spencer. It’s been a long time since someone has known him as Spencer.

“Oh great! It’s wonderful to finally have a voice to your name. So about these buddy reads. You seem to have a good grasp of what they are,” Y/N’s voice trails off a little bit at the end and Spencer finds it natural to fill in the silence.

“Yes, the flyer was quite informative. But I was wondering, do we read the same books or do we read different books?” Spencer asks, trying to restrain himself from scaring Y/N off. But something about her made him think that she didn’t scare easily.

Y/N chuckles lightly in the speaker of her phone, “that’s a good question, uh, I was actually going to ask you what you would rather. We can read the same books, or if it’s okay with you we can choose what the other would read for that week,”

“Oh really?” Spencer says, very much aware how his voice rises a couple of octaves. He can’t trust himself to hold back on rambling over the phone Y/N, so he resorts to using his strained, brittle voice that’s full of hesitation and restraint.

“That’s the plan, so whatcha thinking, Spencer,” Y/N says playfully, like she can sense that phone conversations maybe not make him feel at ease. There’s something so natural and silvery about her voice; it reminds Spencer of an audiobook reader. While he’s not too keen on audiobooks, he’s sure that he’d listen to anything she reads or has to say.

“Um, I think it sounds interesting to pick out books for each other. I tend to gravitate towards more technical books or even books that aren’t in English so, uh, I think it would be interesting to get out of my comfort zone,” Spencer says, cringing internally at using the word “interesting” twice in a couple of sentences.

“Well, as long as you don’t pick out something in physics or anything by Ayn Rand then I’d say we’re good,” Y/N says. Spencer thinks it’s a joke, but he’s not too sure how to respond.

“Will you still be my Book Buddy if I read 1 out of 2 of those?” Spencer asks, hoping she’d get that he is trying to continue the joke.

“Oh no Spencer please don’t tell me you’re an Ayn Rand fanboy,” she says, and by the airy way she laughs, Spencer ventures to guess his joke landed successfully.

“So,” Spencer starts, he never has made plans with people outside of his team, and on top of that, there’s something about Y/N’s quickness that makes him a little nervous to meet her.

“I’m talking your ear off, aren’t I? Please Spencer, if you’re going to be my Book Buddy, you’re going to have to get used to me talking a lot, especially you pick out good books, which, I already have a feeling you’re going to be favorite Book Buddy,”

For once in his life, Spencer doesn’t really know how to respond. He lets out something in between a strangled laughter and a noncommittal chuckle.

“So,” Y/N says, mirroring Spencer’s earlier words, “so are you free tonight, I can meet you at the bookstore..”

Y/N’s voice trails off and Spencer leaps to finish her sentences. It doesn’t feel like his interjecting or interrupting, but like he’s snapping a puzzle piece together.

“Does 7 work?” “7 is great, Spencer. It’s a date,”

Those three little words send Spencer’s eyes flying wide open. He scrambles to come up with answer to louden the silence that falls, but he swears he can hear a string of quiet curses before Y/N manages to squeak out a small “goodbye,”

Y/N’s last words play back in Spencer’s ears. He scolds himself for being so weird and awkward that the very idea of going on a date with him would send Y/N in a tizzy. It’s not a date, because Spencer can’t think about it being a date. It’s not a date because of the looming photo above his mantle that freezes his future in the past. It’s not a date because of the nightmare of vertical bars that haunt his dreams

It’s not a date. It’s so not a date because Spencer would call Luke to come over to help him if it was.

“Hey Luke,” Spencer says, trying to control the nervous waves in his voice, “no man, I’m fine, it’s uh, easier if you just come over. I’m fine, really,”

Y/N: I really hope you're not an Ayn Rand fanboy 😉

It’s so not a date.

--THANK YOU FOR READING--

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grisdidthis · 4 years ago

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CHAPTER ONE: FIRST SIGHT

AKA, blessed fucknuggets, why do these fools feel the need to put themselves through high school, my sources tell me that the US school system isn’t all that to begin with, what gives?

PREVIOUS ENTRIES

(Warning: this got long. Looooong. Hence, cut, so that I don’t murder your dash like Edward doesn’t murder Bella in this chapter.)

Welcome to the first entry of a live-read that no one asked for, in which I’ll go through the first chapter of Midnight Sun, i.e. a retelling of the first Twilight book from Edward Cullen’s POV. Not to be confused with Grey, a retelling of the first volume of a Twilight fanfic with the serial numbers filed off, or the Life and Death edition, a retelling of the first Twilight book in which Bella Swan is genderbent into a dude called Beau, who utters the immortal line “I knew I must look like a gorilla on a greyhound.” Which still tickles my humerus to this day.

I’ve waited for this novel to drop so long that at some point I’d stopped waiting. If by some freaky turn of chance you stumbled on this without knowing about the hoopla surrounding the publication, here’s a Wikipedia link. The gist is that the first few chapters of the WIP got leaked, the author got upset, the book got shelved until ??? and no further information about it was forthcoming until a while ago, when out of the blue arrive the news that it’s getting released in August.

My first thought was “Oh, yay, something actually NICE is happening this year!”

My second thought was “Please let it be good, so that I can laugh outrageously at [name redacted] for mocking my enjoyment of this series!” And. Look. I know what’s said about Twilight with regards to its literary merit and Stephenie Meyer’s abilities as a writer. A lot of it is admittedly accurate. However, the metrics by which I measure the value of a book are a) did it entertain me? and b) did I gain anything by having read it? And yeah, those are personal and subjective items, but objectivity is a lie, Jesus enjoys using toasters to take selfies, and if ten years ago I hadn’t been looking for a place to post my 50k+ epic Renesmee-centric fanfic, I wouldn’t have met the people who are currently my best friends.

Which is to say: I’m too attached to this series to give a fig what color the prose is. Deal.

And yet. Me hoping that Midnight Sun would be good, in a way that people who don’t have my level of emotional investment might acknowledge, wasn’t… that farfetched? Because the last book Meyer released before this one, The Chemist? Is an improvement on all her previous work. A huge improvement! It’s competently written! The characters read like they were intended to be flawed, messy people.

The main romance isn’t the kind of fucked up that Bella and Edward’s is, where you can pen treatises on why they’re omg so unhealthy. It’s the kind of fucked up where five seconds after meeting her love interest, the protagonist drugs him unconscious, kidnaps him, sticks a urinary catheter up his ding dong, straps him to a table and tortures him for information until the guy’s ex-CIA identical twin drops a plane on the barn they’re in and crashes through the ceiling all “HANDS OFF MY BABY BROTHER YOU DISCOUNT MATA HARI!”

Then they all make friends and go on a road trip together because a shady government organization is after them.

That’s not a fucked-up relationship that you write an essay analyzing the fucked-up-ness of. It’s something you stare at, stunned and, if you’re me, torn between thinking “Holy shit, this is so my brand of heroine!!!” and “How much crack was Auntie Steph on when she wrote this?” And it’s beautiful. I want ten more like it. So my hopes for Midnight Sun are tempered by the knowledge that, being a retelling of an established narrative, it can’t go all-out with the batshit. But I’m still optimistic that some part of it will give me that warm “Awww, you’ve come a long way from where we first met, author! Good on you!” feeling.

Now let’s (finally!) get started on the chapter proper.

…oh wait there’s an author’s note.

…uhm. Yeah. My dreams. About those. *fixed stare at faraway bonfire* Actually, let’s not talk about those and just move on to Edward Not Liking High School, thank you. Yeah. That’s good.

Edward Cullen doesn’t like high school. Edward doesn’t like that people think. Edward doesn’t like that the human student body is beside itself with the arrival of some new chick. Edward thinks his adopted siblings are super basic. (Rosalie = shallow, Emmett = simple, Jasper = psycho two seconds away from jumping off his chair and going on a rampage.) We don’t get to hear his utterly unbiased assessment of Alice, because she butts in and starts a one-sided telepathic convo about how Jasper is two seconds away from jumping off his chair and going on a rampage. You know. Normal sibling stuff.

WHY DO YOU PUT YOURSELF THROUGH THIS HASSLE, WHY!

(Let me take this opportunity to share my pet crack theory that Carlisle Cullen is secretly the most twisted, evil vampire in all of vampiredom, and that the sending the young ones to high school bit is something he does solely because he gets his evil fix by feasting on the emotional toil it inflicts on them. Also why he’s a doctor; he can ignore the call of blood, because being surrounded by the pain of patients and their loved ones already keeps him fed. I mean. He was chilling with the Volturi way back when, and Aro gives off a handsy vibe. No way he didn’t get his mind read in every which way, and if that happened - if he were reaaaalllyyyyy that nice, why would he still ping them as a threat of any kind?)

(This has holes in it, I know. And clashes with my other pet crack theory, which posits that the whole immortal child/Let’s Catch Them All: Cullen Edition was in fact the fallout of a Very Bad Italian Breakup, with Aro being the pissy ex who wants sole custody of the kids.)

Whatever. It still makes more sense than them going through “the inert state between active periods” when. My dudes! College is right there. Some places you can even sit out 90% of lectures and still get your diploma if you don’t feel like faking one, so Jasper would be all set! And you can pick different subjects! Diversify! Why must it always be med school rehashes, there are other worthy professions! And whole fields that are useless for getting-a-job purposes, but still interesting and enriching for those who have the luxury to pursue them. Let Emmett do Viking Studies, for fuck’s sake!

This amuses me much more than it rightfully should. I’m a child.

The Cullen clan tries to pep talk Jasper into not getting his murder on. Jasper is like OMG WILL YOU GUYS LAY OFF, while Edward is busy doing his judgy Edward thing and thinking to himself that Jasper should accept his limitations, that it’s a bad idea to have him at school at all, blah blah bleh, and you know what, I’m with you there, Ed.

Although we all know that this is just setup for the irony that will ensue as soon as Bella the Delicious klutzes her way into his line of smell.

Oh yah! Enter Bella. Edward can’t hear her thoughts. Jessica Stanley is a b-word. Edward wonders whether not being able to butt into the new girl’s head may be a red flag for vampire Alzheimer. Biology class next! The teacher is a man “of no more than average intellect” and, lord. It’s lucky that Edward is the mind reader in the family, because imagine if it were one of the others and they had to put up with listening to him bitch about the world at large, nonstop, at all hours of the day. And night, since these guys don’t sleep. Angela Webber is the only soul in the whole school whose thoughts have the Edward Cullen seal of approval. I feel sorry for her. I also feel this weird sense of hey, this all seems familiar in senses other than being a retelling, have I been here before?

Wait.

WAAAIIIIIITEEEEE.

*googles for the old version*

*runs first chapters through copyleaks*

*kubrick stare* MEYER, YOU LAZY SO AND SO, HOW COULD YOU!

*slams head on desk*

Well. At least I know what I’m in for. HONESTLY! It’s been. It’s been THIS MANY YEARS since the leaked version appeared, and that was a first draft, how in the… she’s way better than this, now! Was this novel produced in a terminal state of $#%CARING#NOT?&FOUND?! Is half of it just going to be the same old thing with a thin veneer of polish? I’m.

*sigh* You know what, I’m okay. We’re just going to call this first part a re-read. It’s been ten years, so I remember not a whole lot of the specifics, so at least I won’t be bored. BUT COME CHAPTER 13 I EXPECT TO BE SWEPT OFF MY FEET, DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Biology. Bella walks in right past a fan and gives Edward a throbbing throat boner. How awkward. Then she goes and sits right next to him and saucily tosses her hair around like he’s not actively plotting her murder and that of the rest of the class. The cheek of the thing!

Fortunately, Bella’s tasty ass is momentarily saved by a stiff breeze.

…I think we may have found the solution to Jasper’s control issues. The Cullens just need to start carrying air freshener around and spray the murder out of him every time he starts looking peckish. It would look weird if anyone else did it, but since they’re all pretty and rich, it’s more likely that the trend will catch on and cause Febreze sales to skyrocket.

Anyway. We’re not done victim-blaming Bella for…

…at least another couple of pages, but at least Edward gets his head out of his ass long enough to recall that hey, vampire! Oxygen is optional! But he still spends another lot of words grumbling about what a hassle it is to be forced to hold his breath in order to dampen his murderous urges. This is why you are a virgin, Edward. No, I don’t mean the planning the assassination a classmate’s assassination, plenty of serial killers still manage to get laid heaps, consensually, even! It’s the fact that you’re this much of a buzzkill that’s the issue.

Live, laugh, love, you dumbass disco ball!

Yep, he’s still on about how he’s going to kill her, totes kill her, he feral dangerous vampire, rawr. The miracle of adequate indoor airflow only got him to railroad a quartet of brain cells into thinking up smarter ways of snuffing Bella out. Now he wants to lure her to the forest. No, he’s going to kill her at home! He hates her! No, he hates himself and is projecting!

So he flees to his car, plays some calming music, breathes in and out and thinks about his family and how disappointed they’d be in him if he were to help himself to a Swan shake. Well, I’m nobody to shit talk anyone’s self-soothing routine. I’d probably throw in a truck of food + a bath, but he’s had 100+ years to figure out what coping mechanisms work for him, so let’s just let him do his-

Edward.

EDWARD.

…do you actually think this is an appropriate time to start a ginger-off with some random desk lady? Yes, we know you’re the One True Redhead To Rule Them All. (Though Kvothe from Name of the Wind may beg to differ, and I don’t know who would win that fight.) I mean, really? You pull this crap when you just barely talked yourself out of a murder? And then you call her eyes flat! What!

One of my favorite comic book series, Y the Last Man, features a scene where two characters discuss what it is that truly binds people together. One of them presents the argument that stronger bonds are formed not by shared love, but by shared hates. By which they mean not a kiss-kiss-slap-slap, enemies-to-lovers relationship dynamic, but like… you, being someone who really hates coleslaw, having a partner who likewise hates coleslaw, with whom you can indulge in tireless verbal roastings of coleslaw and who will never get tired of your complaining, because the fire of their loathing burns every bit as hot as yours.

I’ve always felt that this concept resonated with me deeply. And if you apply it to Bella and Edward, by its standards, they have the real deal. Go through the namesake chapter in Twilight-the-book, and you find Bella thinking similarly judgy thoughts, being irked by the same shit that no one normal would bat an eye to, going “Ugh!” and “Gah!” at everything that makes Edward wince internally. So their love will be eternal for sure. Perhaps not in an epic way. They’ll live boringly ever after, until they’re ancient and onion-skinned and lurking at passerby humans through the geraniums on their windowsill, exchanging “Holy crow, I can’t believe she bought a hydrogen engine car just to show off!” / “Awful! She should know that thinning the deer population so that they produce less flatulence is the most sound way of controlling toxic emissions!” And then probably gazing at one another like idiots for an ice age or two.

Edward wants to be moved out of Biology class. Goes back and forth with the desk lady, who obviously wants to tap that, because of course she does. Every hot-blooded woman within spitting distance must crave his alluring icicle, even as he mentally eviscerates every minuscule detail of their appearance.

Except Bella, because she’s soft, translucent, deep-eyed and edible. And, I mean. You can complain all you want about “you’re different from anyone else I’ve ever met, you’re SPECIAL, better, more beautiful, more everything!” being a dead horse of a trope so old and beaten that by all rights it should have turned to smelly glue, but. That pony is still kicking. And by kicking, I mean selling. And it sells because being made to feel special, even if it’s happening by proxy while you’re immersed into the thoughts of a fictional character, is nice. Readers enjoying that experience and seeking out fiction that provides it shouldn’t be considered so… mock-worthy as I’ve seen it be, in discussion of works that feature the trope prominently.

Which doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be nicer if Edward’s narration were focused solely on elevating Bella, instead of also viciously kicking down everyone in the vicinity. Man, we get the message, okay? You don’t need to act like you’ve swallowed a Simon Cowell before coming in for school.

I swear, it’s almost a relief when Bella interrupts, heralding the triumphant return of the throat boner. Edward’s thoughts about the people around him are actually LESS gratuitously bitchy when he’s contemplating how to best murder them.

At least this time he is able to extract himself from the situation and flee speedily. (Which… in Biology, what exactly was preventing him from asking for a bathroom break? Or just saying he was feeling poorly and getting the fuck out of there?)

He meets the sibs. Only Alice has any clue of what is going on because visions, and she doesn’t explain anything to the others, who just stand there baffled while Edward decides to get his shiny ass in his shiny Volvo and run off to Alaska. Probably because it would ruin the serious mood of the scene if she told them and Jasper started doing happy cartwheels at the prospect of no longer being the only fuckup in the family.

END CHAPTER. Same time tomorrow, hopefully, and I’ll TRY to be less longwinded. Try.

#TWILIGHT #MIDNIGHT SUN #EDWARD CULLEN #GRISREADSMS #MIDNIGHT SUN SPOILERS

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creepygamerpasta · 6 years ago

Text

My Defense of Dear Evan Hansen

Okay, disclaimer: I wasn’t really into Dear Evan Hansen, so I don’t know the musical itself all too well (except of course, like everyone, “Sincerely, Me”). I recently read the novel of it (which was written by the creators, so I think the only difference is the fact that the prose doesn’t rhyme). I’m not a “day-one, die-hard fan,” and I do not have an obsession with it. That being said, I enjoyed the novel a lot. It’s not usually a genre I read, but it certainly piqued my interest for YA mental health novels.

Why, then, do people hate it?

I’ve looked online for this answer, and I’ve been able to find some recurring arguments, which are quite valid even if you don’t agree. (Not everyone has to like the same things, I know.) So, here are my responses and counter-arguments. (Note, contains spoilers, and I won’t necessarily outright disagree with everything.)

1. The fanbase is annoying, toxic, etc.

This is probably the easiest to get out of the way. Yes, there will always be people within a fanbase whose entire lives revolve around their fandom. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; who can fault you for being passionate about something? But it’s when that passion turns into hate or putting someone else’s tastes or general completely down because that person doesn’t like exactly what the fan likes when people get really angry. I’ll use an unrelated scenario to DEH as an example:

Person A: Do you like Taylor Swift?

Me: Eh, I’m not really into her music. I’m more into metal and stuff.

Person A: Oh, okay, cool. :)

Person B: OMG WTF stop being a HATER. Metal SUCKS. You’re just JEALOUS that she has TALENT.

...See? This is the same sort of reactions that people get, not just from DEH fans but from all sorts of fans. (I’ve gotten both of these exact reactions from various fans of different singers, actors, celebrities, movies, TV shows, etc.)

2. The musical is not that great, as in the scores and stuff.

I don’t see why this particularly angers people. I see this more as an evolution of the types of music in musicals. Maybe there’s something I’m missing here, but musicals exist for people to want to see them. And if the target audience is the younger generation, then it does not make sense to use music that most of them A) won’t like and B) won’t understand. I mean, Hamilton is known for its use of rap, (dare I say) “nontraditional” music in the theatre world. And people like it.

Which brings me to the next point...

3. Young people (who obviously cannot have appreciation for true theatre) will expect musicals like Hamilton and Dear Evan Hansen to become the norm and for there to be a “big” musical every year.

...okay? So? Look, if people want to go to a musical, then they’ll go. If they want to go to another musical, then they’ll go to that one. It’s not rocket science. And as for this sometimes-unspoken assumption that young people can’t understand/appreciate theatre... Last time I checked, there were still theatre kids in schools across the country, so at least some people can.

And now, we go to the part of the defense where I rely more on the novel.

4. The main character (Evan) is neither compelling nor a good person, and thus, should not be the main character (and, by extension, the entire musical should not exist).

In the book, it is made very clear that Evan is not a perfect character. He’s a human being and has flaws just like everyone. His whole “pretending to be Connor’s friend thing” is less a manipulative move and more of “wrong place, wrong time, and I don’t know how to explain.” Though he’s supposed to be relatable, you are not expected to like him. Other characters question his motives for The Connor Project and his relationship to Connor, but with the first person, inner-thoughts, deepest-darkest-secrets style that the book has, it is very clear that Evan is (in his complex way) trying to help the Murphys with their loss. He does get a bit carried away, probably without realizing it, but even though he did not mean to hurt them, the guilt of his lies eats away at him the entire book.

Evan admits to lying, in person at the Murhpys. He knows that even though his longtime crush and now girlfriend (he even describes her as his soulmate and wants to marry her) will hate him, not to mention her parents, he cannot keep lying to them.

I think one of the problems with DEH specific to this problem is the hype about Evan himself. As the audience, we want to paint Evan as a hero. Descriptions put him in that light. He does overcome a lot through the novel and goes through quite a bit of change, but he is not the flawless hero (or the one-flaw antihero) people want him to be. He is a human being, and I think fans and haters forget this or overlook this, despite it being such an important part of the novel/musical.

5. DEH makes fun of mental illness and doesn’t take it seriously. It falsely portrays people with depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies, etc.

This grinds a lot of my gears. Mental illnesses are different for everyone. Is there some assumption people have that I’m not aware of? The assumption that people actually think that everyone who has anxiety or is suicidal will act exactly like Evan and Connor? It might not match up with every individual’s experience/struggle with a mental illness, but that’s kind of one of the themes of DEH: that people have different lives, different struggles, different baggage, and different ways of coping, healthy or unhealthy. Everyone has a different story, and no one should be left to deal while feeling alone. Pay attention to those around you.

The lighter-hearted music seems to also make people perceive DEH to be making fun of/not taking mental health seriously. Which is ridiculous. There are some serious songs in that soundtrack, and the upbeat “Sincerely, Me” is supposed to be from fake personas. Connor’s persona in that song is supposed to be feeling better as days go by with the help of his “friend” Evan. So, yes, it makes sense that would be cheerful because it is not from the perspective of the real Connor. If it were, the song would probably be a lot darker.

6. The musical is homophobic and makes fun of the LGBT+ community.

If you were to walk into an elementary, middle, or high school right now and overhear every conversation, I gaurantee you, gaurantee you, that some students would be using “gay” as some sort of put-down or otherwise make fun of LGBT+ people. That doesn’t mean it’s right or acceptable, but having two high school guys (or really one, seeing as how Evan does not go along with the joke) make remarks about two (supposedly) close guys being gay is not something new. This complaint probably mainly comes from the line in “Sincerely, Me” in which Connor’s and Evan’s personas deny being close for anything other than friendship. And honestly? As a member of the LGBT+ community, this confusion comes up a lot. Whether you are out or not, closeness between friends is often interpreted as a romantic or sexual relationship, which of course is not the case.

Last time I checked, there wasn’t anything hateful toward the LGBT+ community. Jared’s jokes, while horribly sexual and inappropriate, were just immature. His jokes are essentially the high school equivalent of “That’s what she said.” I mean, who doesn’t know someone like that in their life? If I’m wrong, feel free to correct me.

Oh, and also? It is revealed in the novel that Connor did in fact have a relationship with a guy, Miguel.

7. People talk about the relatability of the musical without actually relating.

Okay, yes, annoying, but I don’t see why people should immediately fault this. You do not know the experiences or thoughts of people online and on social media, but this means that you can’t judge whether or not they do relate to something. The first thing that comes to mind with the word “relatable” when it comes to this musical would, of course, be mental health. Since the most notable characters both struggle with mental illnesses, it makes sense that you would expect the people who relate to this musical to also struggle with mental illness(es). But there is no law that everyone who relates to a character has to be exactly like that character.

I’ll use another example from a different work, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. (Quick little note: Frankenstein is the scientist, not the creature. The Creature is actually quite complex and a deep character that is not the mindless monster from movies.)

Frankenstein: wealthy, a genius, comes from a high(ish) class, (presumably) handsome

Creature: neglected, hated for his ugliness, abandoned by Frankenstein, feared, smart

I doubt anyone was stitched together from dead bodies and then somehow reanimated. But you might relate to the fact that the Creature was abandoned or that people fear and hate him because of his looks. I also doubt that anyone has figured out the secret to reanimating dead bodies after taking them apart and stitching them together. But you might also (or solely) relate to Frankenstein because he lost his mother or because he feels responsible for a family member’s death. Those are some examples.

And there are plenty of characters that you could relate to or aspects of characters that speak to you. Maybe you’ve built a tangle of lies like Evan without meaning to, or maybe you have gone through a hard divorce and try so hard to get through to your child without success like Heidi, or maybe you really care about making a difference and don’t feel like the people who are supposed to help you take that seriously like Alana.

That about wraps it up. If I’ve missed anything, feel free to tell me, and I’ll make a follow-up post.

Again, I’m not demanding that you agree with me, but hopefully, whether a fan or critic, you have now seen a different perspective.

#dear evan hansen #evan hansen #connor murphy #musicals #spoilers #please reply

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words-writ-in-starlight · 7 years ago

Note

thank you so much omg Name of the Wind is SO FRUSTRATING, I tried reading it and just did NOT like the protagonist or the writing style or ANYTHING, and people KEEP RECOMMENDING IT TO ME

mhmhmhMHMHM you have come to the RIGHT PLACE

Okay, so first, a disclaimer: I read Name of the Wind four and a bit years ago and, despite my usually excellent memory for plots and characters, retained exactly jack and shit of the whole thing except for the arguments I wrote in my head about my frustration. But like...I’ve been holding onto those for a long time, so just. Sit tight and listen to me complain for a minute, I deserve this.

First and foremost, it’s pitched as this revolutionary take on...something, and if my life and the lives of everyone I love depended on it, I couldn’t tell you what it’s supposed to revolutionize. It’s not even a particularly well-executed piece on Magic Has A Price, which is what I usually hear about (what with the very academic, scientific take on magic), the fucking early Dresden Files are better at that. (Shit y’all, remember Toby Daye, the series I haven’t shut up about? Magic Has A Price masterpiece right there.) I mean, goddamn, @Patrick Rothfuss, I’m really sorry, but you’re never going to do Magic Is A Science better than Fullmetal Alchemist, which basically invented equivalent exchange, so just put that one to bed. For actual revolutionary takes on various genres, I’d suggest Imperial Radch (scifi), The Wrath and the Dawn (fairy tale retelling), Stormdancer (steampunk/fantasy), Sunshine (paranormal urban), and Kencyrath Chronicles (epic fantasy).

Second, the main character is not likable. There. I said it. I found Kvothe absolutely fucking insufferable in every way. His “modern” self telling the story was, like, a little more tolerable, but for the majority of the novel he’s an arrogant twit too convinced of his own cleverness to drag his head out of his ass for long enough to actually get anything done. It’s possible to do a very self-confident, clever character in a way that their arrogance is actually charming--King Arthur: Legend of the Sword comes to mind. Shit, son, so does Roy Mustang, and half the other characters in FMA. In books, I’d rec maybe Captive Prince (Laurent). It’s important, if you’re doing that, to make sure that the character can actually put their money where their mouth is and do the thing they’re bragging about, or else make it a Learning Experience that sticks with them. Kvothe ain’t that. Kvothe is just completely baselessly sure that he’s going to be the best from the very beginning, despite evidence to the contrary, and I found it intolerably annoying.

Third, the universe is interesting, the magic is kind of a neat concept for all that it’s (from what I can tell) an Eragon bootleg, which is, of course, the child of LOTR and Star Wars almost exactly. But the writing style was like a fucking textbook. I mean. Goddamn. Not exactly sweeping me away into the infinite Imagisphere with that. And I’m not--my standards for evocative prose are not that high, the Animorphs books were written for thirteen-year-olds, but fuck me NotW was not remotely achieving it. If you’re going to frontload that kind of technical jargon, you need to make it the point of the book, like The Martian, which is very up front about being a science ramble that enjoys what it’s doing, or else find a good balance like Sabriel, which is heavy on the technical angle of Abhorsen magic and glyphs and shit without sacrificing the characters.

Fourth, I dimly recall a girl who’s there for like a hot minute as a love interest? I don’t think I remember any others? So, you know...points off for that one. It’s the 21st century. Women, POC, the homosexual agenda, they should all be in there. Thanks.

Fifth, the whole urban setup gets a lot of time and attention, but it’s just not...well done? It’s just not. It does not give a cohesive sense of place, nor an emotional connection to the people in that place. Please, for the love of God, Jesus, and any other deities you want to throw in there, read the first book in the Kencyrath series, it is called God Stalk and it’s very good at this. I’d also say Toby Daye, but that’s about a real place (San Francisco) rather than a fantasy setting, like NotW and God Stalk.

Sixth, and this is a writerly complaint, not an opinion, but: right, so, in the “modern” day when Kvothe is telling the story, some grand disaster is underway, right? Am I making that up? See, I’d never know if I was making it up, because it does not get a single goddamn mention in the main bulk of the novel. That is a clear and evident sign that you need to critically reevaluate what part of the timeline is the main novel. I’m not saying that your novel necessarily needs to be the worst day/month/week of your character’s life, but if you could have included the entire text of the novel in a page or two of emotionally laden dialogue or memories, you probably should have. And don’t come at me with “Oh, Name of the Wind is the first in a series, things get underway later in the series” because if your FIRST BOOK does not grab me, I’m absolutely not giving you ANOTHER BOOK to get it done. You want to set up some kind of heartwrenching Things Were Different Once arrangement? Make me care about your characters and then drop bits of backstory as we go, or include a prologue, or get over your fear of flashbacks and use them judiciously. Crucially, give them a relationship to The Way Things Were and then use that relationship to make your reader upset for them. Again, Toby Daye is a great example. So is the Imperial Radch series by Anne Leckie.

Which brings me to seventh, which is that I am APPALLED that over the course of that entire goddamn book, there was not one single interpersonal relationship I ever came to give a damn about. I think there was the girl, I think Kvothe might have had one (1) friend, I think there was a teacher? And there was the kid Bast in the “modern” day, who I retained more of than literally anyone/anything else because he was the only person I gave a flying fuck about. Again, I, the writer, am horrified about this, far more so than I, the reader. The main thing that original content creators should take away from fanfic culture is that your readers will almost universally care more about the relationships between characters than anything else. You are going to need a pretty balls-out crazy good universe and plot to smooth over a general lack of engaging relationships, and NotW just isn’t that good. So, like, let that be a lesson. I’m not recommending anything for this because this should be obvious.

EIGHTH, what...was the plot of the first book? No, seriously, I was asking this when I finished it, too. The only plot points I recall now are Kvothe deciding that he wanted to do The Magic, Kvothe conning his way into The School For The Magic (in, if I recall correctly, kind of a FMA ripoff?), something about a library for The Magic, a bunch of technical stuff about The Magic and Kvothe being an arrogant twit, and Kvothe getting whipped. From what I remember, the entire book basically seemed to lead up to Kvothe getting whipped and ended shortly thereafter. And, uh...how should I put this. That’s. Not a plot. Again, that’s maybe a couple paragraphs of conversation between Kvothe and someone he cares about regarding the scars on his back, not an entire fucking novel. Again, this should be obvious, I’m not recommending anything.

Anyway, TL;DR, NotW is ultimately a forgettable fantasy novel without anything in particular to distinguish it from a myriad of other unremarkably flawed fantasy novels, and I wouldn’t have any opinions on it whatsoever if people didn’t keep pitching it to me as the Second Coming of Tolkien, leGuin, McCaffrey, and fuck knows who else.

A collection of the content I recommended here and why I recced them, plus some others:

Imperial Radch, Ann Leckie (unique scifi, excellent example of emotionally resonant flashbacks)

The Wrath and The Dawn, Renee Ahdieh (unique fairy tale retelling)

Stormdancer, Jay Kristoff (unique steampunk fantasy)

Sunshine, Robin McKinley (unique paranormal urban fantasy)

Kencyrath Chronicles, PC Hodgell (unique epic fantasy, well-executed fantasy cities and colleges)

Fullmetal Alchemist, Hiromu Arakawa (magic with a price, scientific magic, charmingly arrogant characters) (manga or Brotherhood anime)

October Daye, Seanan McGuire (magic with a price, emotionally resonant memories/prologue, well-executed urban locale)

Captive Prince, CS Pacat (charmingly arrogant/engagingly arrogant characters, well-executed political scheming)

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, dir. Guy Ritchie (charmingly arrogant characters, concise worldbuilding)

The Martian, Andy Weir (technical frontloading without being unreadable)

Sabriel, Garth Nix (technical magic and worldbuilding without losing character engagement)

Source and Shield Series, Moira J. Moore (unique urban non-Earth fantasy, charmingly arrogant characters, emotionally resonant conversations about the past)

Temeraire Series, Naomi Novik (technical worldbuilding without being unreadable, having a fucking plot in each book even if your overall plot is extremely big-picture and doesn’t show up until later)

The Wicked + The Divine, Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie (unique folklore retelling/urban fantasy, charmingly arrogant characters, having some fucking diversity)

#name of the wind bitching #writing #vernalseason #another episode of vagueblogging #SORT OF #i mean this is very explicitly me coming for patrick rothfuss' entire life #but if you look close enough you'll see me vagueblog about some other folks #book rec #kind of eventually at least #book unrec #i am SUPER SERIOUS about these complaints #the more i remember about this book the more conviction i have #but yeah anyway...uh...welcome to it #don't recommend name of the wind to me or you're just ASKING to hear me bitch #the rest of those books i've recommended (and the one movie and the comic series and the manga/anime) really are good for the things i've m #and obviously all of them have PLOTS and CHARACTER RELATIONSHIPS and INTERESTING WRITING STYLES #so like THAT'S WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE NAME OF THE WIND #GET FUCKED ROTHFUSS #IF YOUR PLOT IS SO UNMEMORABLE I CAN'T EVEN RETAIN THE MAJOR POINTS YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG #anonymous #asked and answered

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fae-fucker · 7 years ago

Text

Shatter Me: Chapter 1-2

Oh God please no. Yes, finally, the book you’ve all been thirsting waiting for.

I have to preface this by saying that I know that the protagonist has been in solitary confinement for super long and I know her narration is supposed to be terrible unconventional.

But! It doesn’t mean that this works, or that I have to like it. Just because I understand what the author was going for does not automatically make it good.

And as someone who has an extremely low tolerance for purple prose, I can safely tell you that I took a quick peek at the mess narration near the end of the book and it was still garbage not great.

With that out of the way, let’s begin.

Chapter 1

I’ve been locked up for 264 days.

I have nothing but a small notebook and a broken pen and the numbers in my head to keep me company. 1 window. 4 walls. 144 square feet of space. 26 letters in an alphabet I haven’t spoken in 264 days of isolation.

6,336 hours since I’ve touched another human being.

Our protagonist tells us that The Reestablishment (yes) has locked her away because of something outside of her control, which, based on the book’s tagline, must have something to do with her ability to hurt people through physical contact.

I only know that I was transported by someone in a white van who drove 6 hours and 37 minutes to get me here.

Her being able to figure out how long it’s been since she’s touched someone and how long the van drove implies that she knew she had to start counting right after it happened, which idk how much sense that makes, but ok.

I know my parents never bothered to say good-bye.

I didn’t do that btw. This is this book’s “thing”. It’s supposed to be deep and show us how conflicted the protagonist is, how she actually thinks one thing but forces herself to ignore it in favor of something more “acceptable”.

Again, I get what the author was going for, but this quickly becomes a one-trick pony, and the trick is kicking you in the face with how deep it is.

In this particular case, it just becomes weird. If we remove the crossed-out words, we don’t even get a complete sentence! It doesn’t make sense in context either. What a mess.

I know the sky falls down every day.

When you’re writing a super deep YA novel, you probably don’t want the reader to think about Chicken Little.

Anyway, the protagonist angsts about how the planet is fucked, so that’s fun. Some generic attempt at post-apocalyptic worldbuilding for ya.

She’s supposed to get a cellmate but falls asleep before he arrives.

My eyes open to 2 eyes 2 lips 2 ears 2 eyebrows.

Would you say that it is, perhaps, a face of some kind?

Supposedly the narration gets more ... er, lucid, eventually, but this is still very bad and I hate it.

Anyway, turns out that her cellmate is!!!

A BOY!!!

Dear God.

They’re trying to kill me.

They’ve done it on purpose.

I’m not exactly sure why she’s freaking out over this? Like I honestly can’t tell if she’s afraid of him, or if she’s so Very Heterosexual™ and so unable to control her goddamn self that she’ll just touch him all over and kill him?

I honestly can’t figure it out. Maybe she has limited meta knowledge and knows that this guy will be driving the plot forward or some shit.

The guy is obviously

Gorgeous Dangerous. Terrifying. Horrible.

because we can’t have anything else. I also love how she’s supposedly weird in the head after being in solitary for 264 days but is still somehow able to go “omg he’s HAAAAAWT” instead of just going “OMG ANOTHER HUMAN!! ANOTHER HUMAN!! ANOTHER HUMAN!!”

But what do I know.

The guy tries talking to her but she’s having a BSOD.

He glances at my bed. Glances at his bed. Shoves them both together with one hand.

[...]

He’s stolen my bed my blanket my pillow.

And also your commas, apparently.

Chapter 2

Raindrops are my only reminder that clouds have a heartbeat. That I have one, too.

I always wonder about raindrops.

I wonder about how they’re always falling down, tripping over their own feet, breaking their legs and forgetting their parachutes as they tumble right out of the sky toward an uncertain end. It’s like someone is emptying their pockets over the earth and doesn’t seem to care where the contents fall, doesn’t seem to care that the raindrops burst when they hit the ground, that they shatter when they fall to the floor, that people curse the days the drops dare to tap on their doors.

I am a raindrop.

My parents emptied their pockets of me and left me to evaporate on a concrete slab.

I honestly have no words. I think this speaks for itself.

I could pick apart this entire metaphor, because that’s what I do to purple prose, but then I’d have to do this to every stupid metaphor that shows up in this book and that means I’d be stuck here for years.

And for someone who can’t put a few commas in her sentences and whose narration is supposed to sound incoherent, she sure can conjure up extremely intricate shit like this. She’s somehow not lucid enough to understand that a face is a face, but finding/making up similarities between her own fate and the weather? That she can do.

He’s wearing a navy blue T-shirt and khaki cargo pants tucked into shinhigh black boots.

Fashion disaster.

Cellmate looks at protagonist and she blushes. Because after not seeing another person for 264 days, she still somehow feels shame when a pretty boy looks at her and she feels that she's not hot enough to be looked at, like she’s in high school or something.

I catch the rose petals as they fall from my cheeks, as they float around the frame of my body, as they cover me in something that feels like the absence of courage.

Ah, yes.

...

What.

“They cover me in something that feels like the absence of courage”?

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN AND WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT FEEL LIKE?!

He shifts and my eyes shatter into thousands of pieces that ricochet around the room, capturing a million snapshots, a million moments in time. Flickering images faded with age, frozen thoughts hovering precariously in dead space, a whirlwind of memories that slice through my soul.

Holy shit. What have I gotten myself into?

Cellmate tries talking to her again but food arrives.

My throat is tight with something familiar to me, something I’ve learned to swallow.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Cellmate tries to get the food but burns himself because the tray is hot. Protagonist warns him after the fact, and cellmate gets reasonably cranky.

Protagonist’s response is to go stare out the tiny window in their cell.

There will be a bird today. It will be white with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head. It will fly. There will be a bird today. It will be white with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head. It will fly. There will be a— His hand.

On me.

2 tips

of 2 fingers graze my cloth-covered shoulder for less than a second and every muscle every tendon in my body is fraught with tension and tied into knots that clench my spine.

Despite this, she gets over it right quick.

Sometimes I’m so desperate to touch to be touched to feel that I’m almost certain I’m going to fall off a cliff in an alternate universe where no one will ever be able to find me.

Cellmate asks if protag is hungry. She lies and says no.

His lips are only barely parted, his limbs limp at his side, his lashes blinking back confusion

His lashed have their own eyes now. Talk about body horror.

Protag realized that there’s something ~*~familiar~*~ about his eyes.

My eyes break open. 2 shattered windows filling my mouth with glass.

Ok.

Protag starts writing in her notebook.

These words are vomit.

You’re not wrong.

Protag tells cellmate that he can’t touch her.

Please touch me, is what I want to tell him.

But things happen when people touch me. Strange things. Bad things.

Dead things.

Cool.

Touch this book.

#eff reads: shatter me #book rants

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booksareawayoflife · 8 years ago

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Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella

‘Audrey can’t leave the house. She can’t even take off her dark glasses inside the house. Then her brother’s friend Linus stumbles into her life. With his smile and his funny notes, he starts to entice Audrey out again – well, Starbucks is a start. Laugh, dream and hope with Audrey as she learns that even when you feel like you have lost yourself, love can still find you…’

Book Review: *Spoiler Alert* I’m going to be writing this review as I am reading, so I can document my thoughts as I am going along, so if my prose seems disjointed, it is because I am probably adding different thoughts that I had as I am reading the book. The first thing I having a feeling on, is that I don’t really like their names. But that might just be me being picky. I might want to name my children Audrey and Linus after finishing this book. I have the yellow cover of the book and what I like about it is that it has two coffee cups at the back with Audrey and Linus names on it. It’s a small but cute detail.

My first thought about Frank is that I like him. After reading the first couple of pages, I relate to the struggle of trying to convince your parents that you’ll do anything as long as they don’t break or take something of yours. I also liked how he turned the tables on his mom. When she pretty much forced him to go out for a run, and he like did push ups as a warm up and was like, “Can’t you keep up?”, and then was like by the way I’m on the cross country team. You go boy! Overall as a character, I really liked him. I feel like he embodies what a good brother would be like. He’s kind, and supports Audrey but can annoy her too. He was my favourite character in this book.

I found it really funny that Audrey’s mom is addicted to the Daily Mail. I can sort of understand it as sometimes it does have good stories, but in British society it is seen as a sort of low-brow newspaper. Like it doesn’t tell you the news, but rather laughable stories about how the world is going to end through immigration and terrorists. That sort of newspaper. Audrey’s mom reminds me of how crazy my mom can be. My mom doesn’t read the Daily Mail, but she has the same overdrive brain. I also feel quite sympathetic for her. She basically gives up working so that she can look after Audrey, and Audrey doesn’t find this out until about half way into the book, and she was just like I guess it’s up to me to get better then. I also loved it at the end when Audrey was like playing a joke on her mom when she, Audrey and Frank all admitted that they needed to apologise to Linus, and Audrey was like we can’t. Linus’s parents are emigrating and they’re at the airport right now and both of Audrey’s parents were like which airport? We can make it! I love this book. I like Audrey’s mom. I mean, I think this is a pretty accurate representation of a mom as you can get. She can be annoying, but she had the kids best interest at heart. She is also hilarious at times.

OMG I love Audrey’s dad. When he accidentally gets his wife’s (Audrey’s mom) age wrong on the cake by an extra year, and he writes over it in ketchup because she loves ketchup so it will be alright. Omg I’m still laughing now. Ahh he’s a sweetheart. I do like him, but he isn’t as much as a main character as the other members of Audrey’s family, but I still like him, and that little scene is one of my favourites in the entire book.

I like how Audrey is talking to the reader a bit like she’s telling us the story as opposed to us being her or being with her in her mind. It makes you feel like you have a deeper connection with her. I like how Sophie Kinsella wrote about anxiety. I suffered from anxiety but not in the same way as Audrey and I only had it for about two months as I was getting used to my new medication. And it was terrible. Anxiety takes up your entire life when you have it, and you can see how it affects Audrey in this way. I like how Kinsella was raising awareness to this. I found it so funny when she and Linus had their first kiss and she said that it was hard to think about the benefits of a food processor when she was kissing him. I do like Audrey. I feel like she is a good representation of someone experiencing anxiety, although her process of getting through her anxiety I feel is a bit rushed. Like she almost gets over her anxiety overnight after she meets Linus, and I know that he was a big part of her becoming more than her anxiety, but I feel like she should have come out of her shell more of her own choice and not being forced to do things. Or because she suddenly managed to get over her anxiety because she now has a boyfriend (I do feel as if the solution is just a bit to easy, and unrealistic. But I still like the book).

My favourite part was when Audrey was filming the house and she went near her parents bedroom and then they were talking about Frank and finding him a girlfriend, and then they flirted about the talk… and then Audrey’s dad comes out and tells her mom that she’s filming but she still comes into view in just her underwear and then they say that they were talking about the middle eastern crisis. I actually laughed out loud when I read this. I think Sophie Kinsella has a way with words to make them seem real, and not fake planned jokes that you get in some books.

Overall I give this book a 10/10 or a 5/5. I loved this book. I didn’t think that I would like it this much. I thought that it would be like a 3/5 book, but it was a nice surprise for it to have been far better than I had anticipated. I suppose it’s because I had got this book quite cheap from the supermarket so I thought that it wouldn’t be that good, because I had gotten cheap books off amazon and some of the time the story and the way it is written tends to be quite crap, but this book is the opposite. This book was great. It was an easy, funny, contemporary read about a girl with anxiety. There is obviously romance in this book, but I thought by the blurb that there would be a lot more of it, nonetheless there wasn’t that much romance. There was some, but the book is more about Audrey’s struggle with anxiety and her process of getting better, and that just involves a romantic relationship which catalyses her healing process. I would recommend this book to anyone who likes contemporary novels, and wants an easy read. I read this in one sitting straight after finishing Pretty Little Liars by Sara Shepard. I hadn’t intended to do that, but it definitely was gripping. You wanted to see if Audrey would get better, and she does. You just end up wanting the best for her. I would never give this book to charity, and I would definitely re-read it if I wanted a pick-me-up story to read. It won’t make you feel depressed or sad in the slightest. So read it if you fancy a laugh or a happy ending!

Love Lou xx

#finding audrey #sophie kinsella #kinsella #contemporary #contemporary romance #anxiety #book #novel #books #book review #review #novel review #spoilers #spoiler alert #easy read #10 #book blog #young adult #young adult book

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surveys-at-your-service · 8 years ago

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Survey #50

“i did my time, and i want out.”

where is your dad from? michigan where is your mom from? new york what're you listening to? "psychosocial" by slipknot when you put on makeup, what do you usually use? if i'm being lazy, just eyeliner. if i'm being more fancy, black eye shadow and black lipstick. do you enjoy teaching people, particularly about subjects or skills you are passionate about? HELL YES has your anxiety alone ever prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? that's like... a daily occurrence. do you enjoy reading stories and novels that are heavily stylistic, poetic, or unconventional or do you prefer your prose to follow a familiar grammatical structure? the first, by FAR. extend my vocabulary for one, but more importantly, just make shit poetic-sounding. be as descriptive as possible. what do you think matters more: individual happiness and satisfaction or entire group benefit? can you give an example for your rationale? i mean... i guess i believe in a balance. make sacrifices to benefit the group, but be considerate of everyone else's opinions, too. does media rhetoric about millennials tend to get it way wrong or do you find some of the criticisms and observations about this generation to be fair? both, really. do you tend to read reviews before you watch a movie or read a book? what do you hope to get out of doing so? nope. i tend to find reviews to be SO overly-critical. do you find that visiting certain websites can put you in a bad mood? have you ever taken a break from a website? not really. when you go to a concert, how far must you travel for the most usual venues you visit? i've only ever been to one concert, but most in nc happen in raleigh or charlotte. i'm pretty sure alice cooper was in raleigh... and that's an hour away. charlotte, i'm not sure how far away it is. if you feel that a friendship or new relationship is not going to work out, how do you handle that situation? do you allow it to continue in hopes of improvement or do you have any strategies on how to make it end? wait until it improves or, more accurately, work to improve it. i, generally, don't support ending any kind of relationship unless it is TRULY necessary. what is a personality trait you possess that you consider to be negative and positive (ex. you are a good judge of people but sometimes you judge others too quickly)? idk... tough question. what was the last sporting event you watched? who were you rooting for and who ended up winning? probably a hockey game with dad. i was rooting for the hurricanes, but i don't believe they won that game. have you ever created a fake internet persona for yourself? nope. what was going on in your life at this time last year? would you rather your current life be as it is right now or as it was then? i was the same, pathetic mess. i was grieving over jason, but i guess more heavily than i am now, so i assume i'd rather be how i am now? how similar is your current life to what you once imagined it would be at this moment (e.g., "i never imagined that i would have children at this age, but here i am!")? i... didn't imagine myself like this at all. i thought i'd be in a steady relationship, if not engaged. i thought i'd be living on my own. i believed i'd have my diseases under control. i assumed i'd have a happy job. i guessed i wouldn't be failing my college courses. i... pictured it very differently. in any of your areas of interest, is there a certain theory, viewpoint, or scholar that you tend to disagree with, even if it is popular among others? if no fields of interest come to mind, is there a line of advice that you disagree with, but is popular with others? ummmm... i'm not sure. i mean, i guess in interest of good mythical morning, i actually like how the weekend episodes focus on mike and alex. what is something that you feel is lacking in your life? are you working to achieve this or is it something that's more up to happenstance? i want... friends. if not someone more. i mean i only have one, maybe two people, who really act like my friends. and she's always busy. i'm ALWAYS on my own, and despite being an introvert... i've had enough alone time to last my ENTIRE life. being alone is like an abyss to me now; depression, anxiety, every negative emotion just fully envelops me. it's terrible. i miss jason so much, guys. we talked every day. i practically lived with him. he was just... such a pillar to me, he kept me upright, and then he just vanished. he was my everything. is it easy for you to get stuck in prolonged bouts of sadness or do you tend to bounce back very quickly? i have clinical depression. guess. do you enjoy going to weddings or showers? what is it that you like or dislike about them? i have such mixed emotions about them now. like when i was in ashley's and megan's... i just think of jason. that was supposed to be us. so basically, it's a ptsd trigger, yet i nevertheless find them absolutely holy and beautiful. think about your favorite thing to do. how easily would you be able to cope if you were physically non longer able to do that thing, or had to dramatically cut down on time spent doing it? what would you do instead? my favorite thing to do is take photographs. i... wouldn't be able to cope without it. it is the ONE THING i do that still brings me joy. i don't know what i'd do. what do you predict will happen to humanity in the future, with the imminence of global warming's destruction of the planet? e.g., there's no hope or we will leave the planet, etc. i personally think a different catastrophe will occur before global warming kills us. is there a person in your life whom you support by showing up for the sports games, concerts, or other performances? not anymore. i used to go to some magic games with jason, 'cuz that was his passion, but they always tampered with my anxiety, so. when you revisit some of your old favorites, whether music, films, or something else are you ever surprised at how much you dislike it now? yep. what does your favorite shirt look like? uh. idk. what kind of underwear do you prefer wearing? bikini, though i'm fat so i really shouldn't wear them. what are your favorite kind of jeans? skinny how many video games do you have? *cackles maniacally* how many does your dining room/kitchen table seat? we don't have a dining room table anymore. we had to sell it for the money. what kind of cookie do you like best? just chocolate chip do you get the meat from the deli? sometimes do you own a bike/scooter/skateboard/etc.? no, but i need one. i have GOT to lose weight. ever played on a sports team? yeah, i've done soccer, basketball, baseball, cheerleading, and dance. are you listening to any music? yeah. "now that we're dead" by metallica \m/ why did you take the last pill you took? it's for depression are you happy with your looks? honestly i think i would be if i was way skinnier. which was worst for you: freshman year of high school or of college? FUCK my freshman year of college. absolutely awful. do you prefer your men/women to have light hair or dark hair? dark. do you wish someone would call or text you right now? i'm constantly waiting for a call or text from jason, honestly. idk if he still has my number. who was the last person you laid in a bed with? colleen has a girl ever stayed up with you all night? a guy? girl, i don't think so. guy, yeah. it wasn't exactly uncommon that jason and i would be up all night fooling around, being dumb kids. the last person you kissed treat you right? more than that. he just didn't support me as well as he should've, so... who is someone who puts up with you no matter what? mom do you have trust issues? happens when you're constantly fucked over. if you could find one long lost friend of the past, who would it be? i guess mini is now considered a "long lost friend of the past." :/ i miss her so much. she was like my sister. she never talks to me anymore. when was the last time you colored with crayons? at the hospital do you sunburn easily? too easily what’s your favorite filling in chocolates? peanut butter omg what breed of dog do you find the most annoying? the stereotypical chihuahua. very yappy. what would you name your first born son? either vincent or luther. what is the most you have ever weighed? what i weigh now, which i'm really not comfortable sharing. girls, how old were you when you first learned how to put in a tampon? i'm not sure, but i was SO scared. i was afraid of putting in the "wrong hole"??? would you ever attend a gay pride parade or festival? no. honestly, i just don't feel strongly enough about the issue to do it. i should, though. have you ever had sex? oral sex, yeah, never actual, penetration sex. do you like oral sex? ha ha speak of the devil. i like receiving it, but i don't like giving it, as the whole concept is just really gross to me. i don't care how often you clean, it's just very gross. thus, i don't like to receive it because i don't reciprocate. do you think guys look good with make up? sometimes. have you ever pierced yourself? no, and i never would. i care too much about my piercings being clean and accurate. did you ever have a retainer? i have a metal one behind my bottom teeth, and the typical plastic one is... somewhere, lost in the abyss. i don't wear it. were you/are you popular in school? hell no. pretty sure everyone thought i was weird. have you ever 69'ed? back at it with the oral sex, jesus. anyway, no. are you a wrestling fan? ugh, no. jason was into it, and i've no idea why?? like, wrestling just seemed so far out of his aesthetic?? but he would watch it sometimes while gaming, and i'd have to drown it out. do you/did you like high school? overall? best time of my life. how long would you wait to become sexually active with someone you're dating? i'm waiting until marriage; i, in general, think you should start pondering marriage maybe like, three years in? so i guess that. when did you last make up a baby's bottle? never. really should learn these things before i have kids... ever been addicted to a video/computer game? which one? lmaoooo world of warcraft, bro. what’s something you should throw away, but can’t? what value does it hold to you? explain. i should reeeaaally stop holding onto the picture from jason's and my first prom. it's framed and all. it just... means too much to me. do you enjoy a good debate or prefer keeping the peace? I!! AM!! TERRIFIED!! OF!! CONFRONTATION!!!!!! where did you last stay overnight other than your house? i stayed two nights at colleen's a couple days back. can you ever see yourself and your ex back together? realistically, yes. i just KNOW i'd have major trust issues for a while, however. who is the funniest person you know? girt what would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? that's kinda like my ultimate life goal, soooo...? are you going to any concerts or festivals this summer? i WISH. :( i particularly wanna go to carolina rebellion. when was the last time you went to the movie theaters? what movie did you see? colleen, chelsea, and i saw "trolls" for a buck. it was SO cute. did you ever go to a mental hospital? oh, y'know, only four or five times now. are you a person that enjoys re-reading books? no. i've only ever re-read "because of winn-dixie." what do you think of country music? UGH. it's just not aesthetically pleasing to me, but it's also SO predictable and the singers whine about the same shit. when you apply your make-up, do you do it in a specific order? yeah. eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, lipstick. do you like a partner who is clean cut or rugged? a mix of both? new tats in your near future? fuck yeah, man! i'm starting a half-sleeve on my birthday! how about piercings or re-piercings? mom said i can also get my lip re-pierced for my birthday. (: do converse look/feel uncomfortable to you? not at all. love them bitches.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

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