#youre gonna argue with cas??? PLEASE he loves billy he said it

[vanillacakecas]

cas' favorite artist is billy joel and i know this is true because my best friend cas told me

[wormstacheangel]

15x18 coda fic...?

I had an idea that bugged me so I wrote it. What if Dean just...threw himself at Cas while the Empty was taking him? Then this happened. (comfort/fluff/first kiss)

No.

Cas looked back at him. A smile so big and loving but heartbreaking all at once was still on his lips.  

No. No. No.

Dean watched it all from the ground where Cas had shoved him to protect him again because that’s what Cas does. He protects him. He saves him time after time. Everything he has done has been for...him. He always knew that Cas made it pretty clear but he could never accept it. It made no sense for an angel of the lord to sacrifice so much for him, for him specifically, but here he was doing it again. Sacrificing his life once again but it’s so much different this time. 

“No!” A shaky cry came out of him as he half lunged and crawled to take a hold of Cas’s legs that were already covered in black goo. 

Dean can feel the goo start to envelop him as well and while fear was completely eating at him, there was nothing in the damn universe that could make him let go. He held his breath as he pressed his face into Cas’s thigh and felt the goo crawling up his neck to finally swallow them. 

Then it was silent. 

Dean felt like he just woke up but he knew only a few seconds had passed. His grip was still tight on Cas’s legs but the goo was gone now. He let out the breath of air that was burning his lungs before he even dared to look up, the glare was so clearly burning into the top of his head.

“Dean?”

Dean still wasn’t thinking clearly as he hid his face into Cas’s thigh. Clinging to him as he kneeled at his feet because Cas was still with him. He could feel a sob trying to escape from his throat but he just buried his face deeper into Cas. Letting the tears fall but still, the goodbye was not processing with him. He was about to lose Cas again but he’s right here. He was still with him.

“Dean?”

Cas pulled his white-knuckled grip off of him as he kneeled down to look at him but Dean couldn’t stand the separation so he pulled Cas into a strong hug. One that must have surprised Cas as he made a gasping noise while Dean hid his face into the side of Cas’s face. Feeling the tickle of his hair on his lips and nose. Breathing in the scent of rain, Cas always carries and lets one of his hands buried themselves into his hair while the other wrapped around his shoulders to hold him close. He has him. 

Then he felt Cas’s shoulders shake. His arms remained at his side as his chin rested on Dean’s shoulder. He could just picture Cas’s face and it made him squeeze his eyes shut as he let out his own gasping sob. His hand grasping at Cas’s coat afraid to let go. Afraid he would really disappear again if his hold loosens because he has his own confession to say but everything was overwhelming him. 

“Cas,” Dean took a shaky breath against Cas’s skin before he rested his forehead on Cas’s shoulder. “Tell me again. Say it again. I need to know...I need to know it’s really you.”

Dean didn’t move as Cas’s hands finally touched him. He started making soft strokes down his spine, comforting and warm. Not at all desperate the way Dean was holding him. 

“Dean, Chuck has no hold on me. You know that. I’m real. My feelings are real. We… we are real.” His voice was still calm but he could hear softness in them still. The way he was still holding back cries.

“Then say it again.” Dean pushed back just enough to take Cas’s face in between his shaky hands. Their eyes meet for the first time since being here and Dean had to fight back another sob as he meets those watery blue eyes. With his thumbs, he wiped Cas’s tears away and desperately said, “Please. I need to hear you say it again.”

He smiled again as he started saying his name but Dean shook his head as he let his head hang between them. A shaky breath or laugh escaping him as his mind still fogged up, nothing making sense anymore.

“No, wait, shh!” He shook his head as if everything would clear up but he was still feeling a bit dizzy. Not ready to hear the words and finally accept them. “Shit, fuck, I’m not ready. Wait”

He heard Cas chuckle, felt the shaking in between his hands, before he said, “You’re so stupid.”

“Gee thanks, Cas, and here I thought you loved me.” The teasing came out so naturally that it shocked Dean when those words escaped his lips. 

Of course, Cas would not skip a beat as he said, “I do - love you I mean - but I also think you’re an idiot at times. Like right now for instance.” He pulled Dean’s hands off of him but held them tightly on his lap. Dean looked up to meet his glare. “Jumping into the grasp of The Empty? Really, Dean?”

“Cas, I-I can’t lose you again.” Dean shook his head as he looked back at him. Watching Cas strain to hold back his emotions as tears continued to flow. 

“Dean, it’s fine. I was at peace with my decision. If it meant saving you,” Cas looked down at their hands moving them just enough so the desperation wasn’t showing. Cas sat back on the black hollow floor and held one of Dean’s hands. Held it as if they were going to go for a nice walk instead of discussing his own sacrifice. “I’ll do anything.”

Dean sat next to him, shoulder to shoulder as their hands rested on Cas’s knee. “So what? I’m supposed to willingly let you go?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Cas rolls his eyes as he uses his free hand to wipe his face. “I don’t want to argue with you.”

“Well, I do.”

“No.” Cas says firmly as he shakes his head. He made a move to let go of their hands but Dean only tightened his grip. Cas sighs as he looks down at their hands again before looking back at Dean. Softer but still an edge. “No, you need to leave.”

“He’s right you know.” Dean turns towards the familiar voice and sees Meg appear before them. Her smile wild and manic as she glared down at them. He instantly stood up to block Cas from her view. “No humans in my void.”

“I’m not leaving without, Cas.” He could feel Cas’s hand gripping at the back of his shirt, ready to yank him out of the way at the first sign of trouble. 

“Dean,” Cas started but Dean reached behind him to squeeze his wrist.

“Shut up.” Dean tells him before looking back at Meg or not Meg. “We’re kind of a package deal so you might as well throw us both back.”

She chuckles before she takes a shaky step towards them. “Humans aren’t supposed to be here. You shouldn’t be here. You’re being too noisy. Everything is too loud now!”

Dean pulled at Cas’s wrist to pull him in close. To just make sure he was there. “Then let us continue our conversation back at home and we’ll leave you alone.”

“No! Castiel and I had a deal.”

“Fine! Send me back alone but you’ll never get peace.” Dean threatened as he pulled Cas along with him when he took a step towards Meg. “You’re gonna deal with my stubborn ass poking at you again and again until I get him back. Cause trust me, sweetheart, I’m not someone who gives up easily. I killed Death already, twice, and you’re going to be next on my list.”

Meg just started to giggle, low and deep, before she started to full-on laugh. Throwing her head back before she looked back at them with her wild smile. She grabbed her head as she closed her eyes. “I just...I want to sleep! Let me sleep.”

“What if we promised not to bother you?” Cas stepped forward and away from Dean’s grasp. “We were all betrayed by Billie but what if we work together again. Help each other get what we want. You get your peace again and we-”

“You guys walk out of here?” Cas only nodded while Dean couldn’t stop himself from reaching for Cas, his hands grasping at his trench coat. She eyed them both. “I never want either of you or that...Jack, here again.”

“Got it. We can do that.” Dean says as he stands beside Cas. Looking over at him while Cas kept his eyes forward. Standing strong and confident while his face was a blank stare but Dean could see his mind running. “Cas?”

“We still need to defeat Chuck. I can’t promise I’ll make it out of that alive. I may be back here in a few hours or days after we return.” Cas doesn’t look at him as he talked but at Meg who was glaring back at him. “If you help us defeat him maybe we can all finally have peace.”

“How?”

“I summon you again.” 

Dean opened his mouth to argue but Cas shook his head at him, holding his hand out to stop him from talking but Dean instead took it. Intertwining their fingers together to let Cas know that if it’s a dumb suicidal plan again then he better be ready for him to follow him into the damn dark again. 

“I summon you when I am close to Chuck and you-”

“And I’ll bring him here.” Meg finished Cas’s sentence with a smirk. “Where he is powerless.”

“He has Amara in him so that would keep them both alive. Keep the balance.” Dean adds as Cas eyes finally turn to look at him with a smile on his lips as things start to fall in place. He squeezes his hand with a hopeful look because maybe, just maybe, they had a chance for some real happiness. 

“We got work to do then.” Cas tells Dean before turning back to Meg.

She looks back at them with a less strained and creepy smile before she says, “I’ll be waiting for your summon then? I’m still connected to you, Castiel, so I’ll hear you.”

Cas gave a solid nod while Dean didn’t like the sound of that at all. He was about to open his mouth to ask what that meant but then Meg waved her hand and they were in the dark again. 

Dean woke up face down back in the dungeon. He blinked awake as he sat up trying to get his head on straight when he sprang up to look for Cas, afraid he was left behind. That he was tricked and this was how he finds out that he actually lost Cas. He lost him before he could even-

“Oh.” Dean turns to find Cas passed out behind him. He was laying on his back with his tie draped across his face. He couldn’t help but chuckle wanting to add another picture to his collection but there were more important things to do, to say, right now. “Cas?”

He crawled over to him and moved his tie as he shook his shoulders to wake him. “Come on, sleeping beauty, time to get up.”

Cas groaned as his eyes tighten up before he opens them, squinting up at Dean with a confused haze. “Dean?”

“Yeah, buddy, come on.” Dean helped sit him but then he was pulled into an overwhelming hug. The relief that was running out of Cas was heavy as his grip was tight but for the first time, Cas turned his head to hide his face into Dean’s neck. “Cas?”

Cas shook his head and once again Dean felt the angel shake with silent cries. 

Dean held on to him as he tried to comfort him but his own tears were blinding him. Cas was here, alive and in his arms. He almost lost him again and just like every other time he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to go on. How was he supposed to care about saving a world that he wanted to escape from? Now, now everything was right again. Well, almost everything.

Dean pulled back just enough to look back at Cas’s red-rimmed eyes, the most he has ever seen the angel cry. 

“You’re a mess.” He reached over to wipe Cas’s face with his sleeve and that made Cas slowly smile before a choke of a laugh escaped him.

“Yeah, well you don’t look so hot either.” Cas copied him, Dean’s face being wiped clean by the rough fabric of the dirty old trench coat. His smile slow-growing before he was grinning, dazzling, and beautiful as his fingers then replaced the fabric. Then the smile became a pout again as he tried to fight back more tears. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I didn’t want to leave you but I saw no other way to save you.”

His fingers reached to caress Dean’s face with no hesitation. Dean cloaked Cas’s hands with his own before he asked again. “Tell me now.”

Cas rolled his eyes as he shared his you’re-such-an-idiot smile. “Dean, are you sure this time?”

“Yeah, Cas, say it again.”

Cas features all soften as he relaxed while he looked into his eyes. There was never fear in Cas’s eyes while he took a deep breath. He looked so happy so...in love.

“I love you, Dean.”

Dean let go of the breath he must have been holding as he read Cas’s lips. His voice echoing in his head, trying to compare both of the confessions but they both sounded so confident. This time though it wasn’t a goodbye. No, this was just the beginning for them. 

Dean let his forehead fall against Cas’s own, a move that surprised Cas as he froze under the touch. He felt too overwhelmed with it all but it’s true. His angel loved him, the words that always were unspoken between them were finally out in the open. That whole speech was Cas. It was how he truly felt about Dean and maybe he wasn’t as good with his words as Cas but he could at least say it.

“I love you, Cas.” Dean fought the lump in his throat. “I love you. You...you have me. You always had me.”

“Dean.” Cas gasped out still unmoving as all of this was new territory for them but it wasn’t weird. It wasn’t uncomfortable but just unsure. Still hesitant. As if they both couldn’t believe they finally crossed this dumb line they drew themselves. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, dumbass,” Dean pulled back just enough that their noses touched but he wasn’t ready to be so far away from him just yet. “Are you?”

“Yes!” Cas said sounding half annoyed that Dean ever doubted him in the first place and half thrilled that he could finally say it. “It’s one of the few things I know for certain. I love you, Dean.”

“Cool. Can I…?” Dean wanted to ask but now he finally felt the embarrassment, the one that always crawled up his neck when they were found too close together. Lost in each other’s gaze and always drifting closer without words.

“Please do.”

Dean watched Cas's eyes drift closed and just when he got the confidence to lean in he heard his name being called out in the halls. Desperate and scared.

“Sam?” Cas turned towards the hall and heard Jack call back to him. “Jack!”

Dean let himself be pulled up by Cas before they were both almost tackled down by their kid. “You’re alive!”

“Barely,” Dean mumbled as Cas turned to narrow his eyes at him, telling him not to worry the kid so much. “We’re fine. How are you guys?”

Sam walked in then and they get the cliff notes of Sam and Jack’s missing person’s case. Then it was their turn to do the same, leaving out the whole them part out of it. Now they had to figure out how they can make Chuck bring all these people back before they shove his ass into the Empty. 

“Come on, we can check the town out.” Sam tells them and Jack follows right behind him. 

Cas was going to follow them right out the door but Dean then grabbed his arm to pull him back to him. Taking his face in his hands and before Cas could say anything, though his wide eyes made him believe that Cas wasn’t about to say anything to stop him, Dean leaned in to finally kiss him.

Letting himself melt against Cas as he has always wanted to. Moving his hands to wrap around his waist, under the coat and jacket, to hold him close to his chest. Wanting more as Cas carefully rested his hands on his shoulders as if not knowing what to do with them but he was so confident in the kiss as he moved his lips along with his own with the same eagerness.  

Then he pulled away too quickly as his hot breath tickled Dean’s lips. His bright eyes looking down at his lips then back at his eyes. “We have to go, Dean.”

“Okay,” Dean leaned down for a quick peek and he couldn’t stop his chuckle as Cas chased after his lips. “Let’s go save the world and then we can pick this up later. Deal?”

Cas nodded, flashing Dean a smile before he said, “Of course, Dean.”

“Guys! Come on!” 

Dean takes Cas’s hand squeezing it before they raced back down the hall to meet up with Sam. A last chapter in Chuck’s story starting but they knew they had the power to write their own ending because they are real. This is real. 

[shadowywerewolfqueen]

Branded

My entry for Suptober Day 4: Branded. It definitely got away from me just a smidge haha.

There was a flash of bright white light and Cas slumped to the ground. “NO,” Dean whimpered, crawling towards the angel. 

Just hours ago, they had finished cleaning out a vampire nest and they had walked out covered in blood but alive. Dean had come close to dying, and Cas was barely able to save him in time. The entire trip back to the hotel had been silent, each man lost in their own thoughts. As soon as the door shut, Dean looked at Cas and told him how he truly felt, how in his heart, he held so much love for Cas that it scared him. He had been petrified Cas would laugh in his face, but instead he had cupped Dean’s face in his hands and kissed him.

Just as Dean had leaned forward to deepen the kiss, he had been thrown backwards and pinned to the wall. He had struggled to move but he couldn’t even open his mouth to scream a warning to Cas as an oozing black mass appeared behind the angel. Dean watched with horrified eyes as the sludge slowly turned into a black haired woman he didn’t recognize.

The woman cackled, her eyes focused on Castiel. “I told you I would collect on our deal but only when you were truly happy. Never have I felt such happiness as I just did when you kissed that human.”

“Cas,” Dean was suddenly able to shout. Dean stared at Cas, his face a mask of terror.

The angel turned to face Dean, tears already pooling in his eyes. “I’m sorry Dean. I had to save Jack. You’ve fought for this whole world. I had to fight for my family. Goodbye Dean, I love you.”

“No,” Dean hollered as the Shadow put a hand against the back of Cas’ head. He watched, paralyzed, as white light flooded from Cas’ eyes and mouth before fading and the angel’s limp body crumbled to the floor.

The Shadow looked at Cas’ body with a sadistic smile before disappearing without another word. Dean fell to the floor as he was released from his binds. “No,” he whimpered as he crawled across the carpet until he was right next to the angel. Dean’s gaze was locked on Cas’ face; his eyes were closed and he looked as if he could be sleeping but the scorch marks of his wings in the hotel room told another story.

“Cas,” Dean whispered before his throat was clogged with tears. His body was wracked with sobs as pain enclosed his heart with a vice-like grip. His head dropped until his chin was resting on his chest. He slowly lifted his hand to the bloody mark on his shoulder. Sometime during the hunt, Cas had grabbed Dean by the shoulder to keep him from getting attacked by a vampire. Once again, Cas had branded him and now it was the only thing he had left of the angel he loved.

When the tears had run dry, Dean glared at the empty air in front of him. “Don’t worry Cas, I’m gonna get you back, even if it’s the last thing I do.”

Days later, Dean stood outside in a deserted cornfield. He dropped a match in the bowl on the ground and watched as black smoke billowed up. His face was set in a grimace as he stared straight in front of him. A mass of black ooze bubbled up from the ground until it took shape in an exact replica of Castiel. Dean barely managed to not flinch at seeing Cas’ face once again.

Dean pulled his gun from his pocket and aimed it at the Shadow. He pulled the trigger and watched with despair as the bullet hit the cosmic entity and was absorbed.

The Shadow looked at his chest where the bullet hit him. “You dare to shoot me! I am older than God himself and I could disintegrate your body down to the very atoms that make it up!”

Dean shot the gun again and once more the bullet sunk into the Shadow, not even a trace of blood left behind. He stared at the entity, fury burning in his eyes. “Bring him back you son of a bitch,” he demanded.

The being before him laughed maniacally. His lips were stretched in a malicious smile as he stared at Dean. “We made a deal, the angel and I. What could make me even consider breaking it?”

“Let’s make a new deal then,” Dean snapped.

The Shadow tilted his head, so reminiscent of Cas that it felt like a punch in the gut. “And what could you possibly offer me? You’re nothing but a human; you are inconsequential compared to me.”

“The world is ending and Sam, Jack, and I are expected to kill God and set it all right again. Well, you bring Cas back or else we’ll let Chuck destroy it all,” Dean answered, his voice void of all emotion.

The Shadow’s face was suddenly filled with rage. “You wouldn’t dare let the world burn! You’ve fought so many times to save it!”

“Try me. Bring Cas back or else we’re all goners,” Dean said.

Suddenly, a hand was wrapped tightly around Dean’s throat, cutting off his air supply. Dean barely flinched. He stared at the Shadow, clenching his jaw to keep from struggling for air. “Go ahead, kill me and see how much Jack and Sam continue to help,” he rasped.

The Shadow released him and Dean gasped for breath. “Fine. You want the angel back, you can have him but on two conditions.”

“Name them.”

An evil smirk spread across the cosmic entity’s face. “One: If the angel survives the fight against God, he becomes human the instant God is dead.”

Dean felt his stomach drop at the Shadow’s words. “What’s the other?” he asked.

“You want him back, you have to find him. The Empty is nothing but darkness, so you could spend the rest of your life there and never even come close to finding him. You don’t understand something Dean. You and your brother aren’t the ones Billie and I need. The only one we need is Jack and we will force him to defeat God if we have to. You’re expendable, Dean,” the Shadow said darkly. “So, what do you say?”

“Take me to the Empty. I’ll find him,” Dean said with conviction.

The Shadow chuckled. “We’ll just see about that.”

The next instant Dean was surrounded by a darkness so complete that he couldn’t even tell if his eyes were open or closed. There wasn’t a drop of light to be found in the Empty and Dean was filled with apprehension as he attempted to look around.

“Cas,” he called. The silence was deafening, not even a single echo of his voice penetrating the darkness. “CAS! CAS! Answer me,” he shouted. He was met with silence.

Dean ran his hands through his hair and stared into the void as he felt tears run down his cheeks. He had to save Cas, he just had to. The last time Cas had died, Dean had barely made it without him. This time, he wasn’t strong enough to keep living without Cas. He needed his angel more than he needed the breath in his body. Dean fell to his knees, unsure of what to do. 

Without thinking, Dean moved his hand to rest on his shoulder. Even though Cas’ handprint had disappeared years ago, deep down, he could still feel its remnants. Throughout the years, the memory of that handprint had kept Dean’s spirits alive. It had been a beacon of hope in a sea of darkness when Dean felt like he was drowning.

“Cas, please, I need you,” Dean whispered as his hand slotted right over where Cas had gripped him tight so many years ago. Without warning, Dean’s shoulder started tingling and a weak glow formed under his fingertips. Dean pulled his hand away and stared in shock at the dimly glowing handprint. 

He stood to his feet and stared at his shoulder as he felt a weak pulse emanating from the mark. “Cas,” he called again but the handprint did nothing. He sighed, figuring his only option left was to start walking and hoped he found the angel. He started to move forward and noticed that the glow got dimmer, almost fading away completely.

He paused and suddenly got an ideal. He started walking back the way he came and watched as the mark started glowing brighter. “Please be leading me to Cas,” he whispered as he continued walking.

As he walked, the mark grew brighter and if it started to dim, Dean changed his direction until it started glowing brighter again. He walked and walked, no idea if it was minutes or hours or longer. Dean stopped when the burn in his arm abruptly became unbearable. He fell to his knees, clutching at his shoulder and gritting his teeth against the pain. The light was so vivid that Dean slammed his eyes shut but it did little to help. The burn was becoming unbearable and he wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to handle the pain.

“CAS,” he called as he slumped to the ground. He shouted as the burn intensified, singeing his nerve endings until all he felt was white hot fire coursing through his body. In the next instant, Dean lost consciousness.

“Dean, Dean, DEAN!”

Dean jolted awake and sat up so quick that he nearly slammed into the man leaning over him. His eyes went wide when he realized who was staring back at him. “Cas,” he cried as he threw his arms around the angel’s neck. 

“Hello Dean,” Cas whispered as he wrapped Dean up in his embrace. Finally, Dean pulled back but not so much that Cas’ arms fell from his waist.

“What happened? How are you awake?” Dean asked as he stared at Cas with disbelief.

Cas smiled softly and reached out to touch the hunter on his shoulder. Dean dropped his gaze to where Cas’ hand rested. He grinned at seeing the angel’s handprint once more branded into his skin. The handprint on his arm was no longer burning but was still glowing softly.

Cas’ eyes locked with his. “You never cease to amaze me.”

Dean reached out to cup Cas’ cheek. “I need you. I can’t do this without you.”

“I love you too,” Cas said before pulling Dean into a passionate kiss.

When they broke apart, they were sitting on the floor of the hotel room, the Shadow staring at them with a furious expression. “That’s not possible,” it seethed.

“I told you I would find him. Now, get the hell out of here. Our deal is done,” Dean said coldly.

The Shadow screamed before disappearing in the blink of an eye. Once he was gone, Cas asked, “What deal?”

“The deal to override your deal,” Dean replied.

“I made that deal to save Jack,” Cas argued.

“Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal and I broke it. You’re welcome,” Dean said with a smirk. Before Cas could say anything, he pulled the angel in for a kiss. He would break a thousand deals if it meant he got to keep Cas in his arms where he belonged.

@notwithd

[atc74]

Heartbeat - Chapter Three

Warnings: COVID-19, Croatoan, Fluff, quarantine, Mentions of fever, coughing, emergency room, mentions of loss, TW: major character death (Each chapter will have additional warnings).

Summary: Sam, Dean, and Y/N are sheltering in place at the Bunker, researching this new virus that has created a world pandemic. But what happens when one of your own is immune compromised?

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1366

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches​ because she’s the best

A/N: I’M BAAAAACCKKKK, well, mostly :) I know I’m not the only one struggling with life right now, and writing has been hard. Thank you all for sticking it out until I was able to get something together for you guys. This is only temporary and will pass. Keep your chin up and try on your jeans every few days.

Heartbeat Masterlist

Like Dean’s scent? Buy it here from @scentsfromthebunker!

Previously...

“Honey, you’re warm. You feeling okay?” Dean voiced his concern as they settled into bed a few hours later. 

“Yes, babe. I’m just tired,” Y/N yawned, almost as if to prove her point. 

“We’re taking your temperature,” Dean said, getting out of bed to get the thermometer. 

“Dean, I think you’re overreacting a bit. I’m probably just still warm from our bath,” Y/N reasoned, but he wasn’t having any of it. 

“It’s just a precaution, honey. I’m sure it’s nothing, but this virus is not like others. It moves quickly and it’s lethal.” He took a seat next to her and shoved the thermometer in her mouth before she could protest again. When the beep sounded, he removed it and checked the digital readout. “It’s 99.5, low grade. But I’m still keeping an eye on it, and you.” 

“I’d expect nothing less,” Y/N yawned once more and rolled over, her eyes closing instantly. “Love you.” 

“I love you, too, Y/N,” Dean echoed, crawling in beside her and pulling the blanket up to cover them both. He pulled her small frame into him, wanting, needing to keep her closer than usual. 

Sleep did not come easily for Dean that night; he was worried about Y/N. Since she returned to his life, his nightmares and insomnia were few and far between, but as he lay next to her, his mind played out a thousand different scenarios where he couldn’t save her. He was hyper aware every time she moved, coughed, or even breathed heavily. He finally fell under, out of pure exhaustion, just before five in the morning, only to be plagued with nightmares of the same.

Now...

By midday, her temperature had risen to 100.3, and she was coughing regularly. After taking her next round of medication and an additional fever reducer, she was ready for a nap. Dean tucked her in, kissing her flushed cheek before pacing the library while his brother researched. With the fingers of his right hand, he continuously rubbed at his wedding band, acutely aware of each beat that pulsed through it. 

Y/N’s condition worsened and, by the third day, Dean took her to the emergency room. Sam called ahead and informed the staff they were on their way. Dean broke every traffic law between the Bunker and the County Hospital. “Honey, you gotta hang on for me, okay? I need you to fight. I need you to fight for us. Honey, I love you. I know you can do this.” 

“Sir, you can’t come inside,” a nurse stopped him after he gently laid Y/N on the waiting gurney. 

“She’s my wife! I’m not leaving her!” Dean argued, advancing on the nurse as she attempted to hold him back. 

“Sir, I’m sorry. I really am, but no one is allowed inside. I’m going to ask you a few questions, but I need you to put this mask on first, okay? We’re going to take excellent care of your wife. I promise,” the nurse vowed, taking Y/N’s medical history, including a list of all medications she was taking. Before heading back inside, the nurse gave Dean’s shoulder a reassuring pat then disappeared behind the sliding doors. 

“Cas, Billie, dammit, anyone with their ears on. My wife is inside this hospital. Please keep her safe and bring her home to me,” Dean raised his face heavenward and prayed. “Please. She’s my world and I can’t live without her.” 

Dean reluctantly moved the Impala to a parking spot and made himself comfortable. He may not be allowed inside, but there was no way he was leaving the hospital without his wife. 

“Sam, I’m fine...Yes, I grabbed a sandwich and some water from the gas station down the street, okay, mom?...I told you, I ain’t fucking leaving without Y/N!” Dean shouted into the phone. “Yeah, I hear ya...I’ll keep you posted. Yeah, okay. Bye, Sammy.” 

He knew his brother meant well, but they both knew exactly what this could mean for Y/N. She was already immune compromised because of her Multiple Sclerosis, and this virus could be fatal for her. He was getting frequent updates from the kind nurse and knew she had been placed on a ventilator when she was admitted, having difficulty breathing on her own. 

With as much time as Dean had spent in this car throughout his life, this is the moment he hated the most. No cases, nothing to do, but sit and worry that he was going to lose the love of his life. He twisted the ring on his left hand repeatedly, closely monitoring the beats as they passed through it. 

The shrill ringing of his phone jolted him from the restless sleep he had fallen into. He started panicking. He didn’t recognize the number but answered immediately. “Yeah?” 

“Mr. Ford? This is Jocelyn with Smith County Memorial Hospital.” 

Dean barely registered anything the nurse was telling him. All he could hear was his own blood rushing through his veins and all he felt was the slowing of Y/N’s heartbeat through his wedding ring. 

“Mr. Ford? Are you still there, sir?” Jocelyn asked, her voice tinny through the phone. “Mr. Ford?” 

“Yeah, I’m here. Just do everything you can to save her...please,” Dean begged the nurse on the other end of the line.

Dean felt like he was losing his mind. This wasn’t a fight he could prepare for, there was no battle for him to fight for her here. This was always a possibility, in the deep recesses of his mind, that she could get sick, but it was never a possibility until now. And now, he didn’t know how he could fight something he couldn’t see. How could he fight this for her? What if he couldn’t win? 

“Sammy, I don’t know how to do this, man. I can’t do this without her, I don’t want to. I need her,” Dean sniffed later that night on the phone with his brother. “I don’t know how to do this without her.” 

Sitting alone in the Impala, Dean was startled by a pair of headlights as they blinded him in the rearview mirror. The sound of a door closing put Dean on further alert. It wasn’t until he saw the face of his brother in the window that he breathed a sigh of relief. He opened his door, but felt like his feet were buried in concrete. 

It was his little brother that pulled him to his feet, wrapping his arms around him. It wasn’t until that moment that Dean let himself let go and let the fear consume him. 

Sam sat with Dean. There were no words that needed to be said, Dean was just relieved to have someone with him. It was Dean that broke the silence.

“Sammy, I-I c-can’t feel her…” he broke with a sob. Sam reached over and pulled his brother into his arms once more, feeling the sobs as they wracked his body. They both wept for Y/N. 

~*~

“I’ll take it from here, Sam,” Dean stepped in front of his brother. 

“Dean...” 

“I said I got it, Sam!” 

Sam knew when he could push his brother and now was not the time. He put his hands up and stepped away. Dean reached into Baby’s backseat and gently picked up the fragile bundle. He walked slowly with purpose through the halls of the Bunker until he reached the Infirmary. He descended the stairs one at time, careful not to jostle his precious cargo. Sam walked a few steps ahead and opened one of the doors of the cold storage. Dean stopped in his tracks as Sam slid out the steel tray. 

“Leave.” 

“Dean…” 

“Now, Sam!” 

Sam backed off and made his way up the stairs, looking down at where Dean placed Y/N’s wrapped body on the tray. He sighed heavily before walking out the door, leaving his brother alone with his wife’s body. 

Dean pulled over a chair and sat down, his eyes never leaving Y/N’s wrapped body. “Honey, I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you. I’ve never been much for praying, but I prayed for you, for us. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Y/N. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, ya know. You saved me more times than you’ll ever know. 

“Even when we were kids, you saved me from myself. From going head to head with my dad, with Bobby, hell even with you. The only person I know more stubborn than me is you. You always said it was part of your charm and you were right, Y/N. I know what you’re gonna say, so I’ll beat you to it. I know you’d want me to salt and burn your body. I know you’d want me to move on with my life, keep going, all that crap. But I don’t want to do it without you, honey. So, uh, just don’t push me, okay. I’ll get to it, but I’m gonna need some time. And, I promise, I’ll salt and burn your body myself. I’ll build your pyre, but not until your dad and Jody, and the others can be here. You deserve our family to be here, so they can say goodbye. I’m sorry you had to go through that alone, Honey. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry I let you down.” 

Dean’s sobs echoed through the room and bounced off the cold stone walls, making their way to Sam in the library, where he sat, with a bottle and his own tears. 

Did you like it? The nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it!

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Heartbeat: @idksupernatural​​ @imaginationisgrowth​​ @gabrielslittleangel​​

[mittensmorgul]

With regard to Sam’s actions toward Dean in the final scenes of 14.12, please have this reminder from 4.04:

SAM: What, are you, are you leaving? DEAN: You don't need me. You and Ruby go fight demons. DEAN grabs his bag and starts for the door. SAM stands in the way so DEAN has to go around him. SAM: Hold on. Dean, come on, man. DEAN turns around and punches him in the face with his right hand. SAM whirles around by the force. DEAN just watches him as he turns back around to DEAN. SAM: You satisfied? DEAN hits him again, and then throws his bag on the floor. SAM touches his lip, which is bleeding. SAM: I guess not. DEAN: Do you even know how far off the reservation you've gone? How far from normal? From human? SAM: I'm just exorcising demons. DEAN (yelling): With your mind! (calmer) What else can you do? SAM: I can send them back to hell. It only works with demons, and that's it. DEAN grabs hold of him and pushes him backwards, walking with the force. DEAN: What else can you do?! SAM: I told you! SAM pushes his hand away, and they stop. DEAN: And I have every reason in the world to believe that. He begins to walk away from SAM. SAM: Look, I should have said something. DEAN stops, his back still to SAM. SAM: I'm sorry, Dean. I am. But try to see the other side here. DEAN turns around and faces him. DEAN: The other side? SAM: I'm pulling demons out of innocent people. DEAN: Use the knife! SAM: The knife kills the victim! What I do, most of them survive! Look, I've saved more people in the last five months than we save in a year. DEAN: That what Ruby want you to think? Huh? Kind of like the way she tricked you into using your powers? He shakes his head, sad. DEAN: Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends. SAM: I'm not gonna let it go too far. DEAN smiles at that, walks over to the wall and hits the lamp on the side table, making it crash and fly. DEAN looks angry again. DEAN: It's already gone too far, Sam. If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you. SAM's eyes are tearful, and he nods at that, looking down. DEAN: And so would other hunters. SAM looks up at him. SAM: You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you. And what I'm doing... It works. DEAN: Well, tell me. If it's so terrific... then why'd you lie about it to me?

Sam had something terrible inside him, and was trying to do something good with it. A supernatural being told him this was the only way to do something good with it. Sam trusted that because he had no reason not to, because the result seemed Objectively Good. And yet, he’d lied about it, hidden it from Dean and Bobby both, because deep down, he knew Dean would object. Not because Dean is a controlling jerk who was upset that Sam would do this Big Thing without him, but because he recognized the inherent wrongness of it, because Dean was not subjected internally to that wrongness and could actually see the situation objectively.

Now in 14.12, Dean has something terrible inside him, and was trying to do something good with it. A supernatural being told him this was the only way to do something good with it. Dean trusted that because he had no reason not to, because the result seemed Objectively Good. And yet, he’d lied about it, hidden it from Sam and Cas both, because deep down he knew they’d object. Not because Sam and Cas are controlling jerks who would be upset that Dean was doing this Big Thing without them, but because they would recognize the inherent wrongness of it, because they were not subjected internally to that wrongness and could actually see the situation objectively.

Every argument I’ve seen suggesting that Sam was Wrong™ to try to stop Dean from carrying out this plan has been predicated on the insistence that Dean was being 100% truthful about what Billie instructed him to do. It’s also predicated on the insistence that Dean is actually able to be rational in the face of this plan while Michael’s rattling around in his noggin.

Of course, Dean’s the only one who can decide for himself when he can’t take that rattling anymore, or know when Michael’s escape is imminent, but so far he hasn’t even MENTIONED Michael’s status to Sam or Cas. He’s keeping that information to himself. And we only have Dean’s word on what Billie’s book actually said, or what other instructions she may have provided him. And honestly? I don’t trust his objectivity on that right now, and thank fuck, neither does Sam.

Because Sam has been in this exact spot. And when he was? Dean kinda fucked it all up. For reference: please see all of s4. So yeah, Sam is not approaching Dean from some base clinginess or childishness here. And suggesting it is does Sam a HUGE disservice. He’s been cautiously approaching Dean in the way he probably wishes Dean had approached him when he was equally off the wagon back in s4. Oh, the trauma they could’ve prevented if they’d both only spent a little less time antagonistically mistrustful of each other and instead doing their best to be supportive like they’re all trying to do now in s14.

Because Sam has matured a hell of a lot in the last ten years. He’s been taking on the role of level-headed leader since long before Dean ever said yes to Michael. He worked (literally!) tirelessly to find a way to save Dean from Michael after the fact, and has consistently been portrayed as a rational, mature adult.

But Sam had even learned this particular lesson back in 5.18, i.e. the last time Dean pulled this sort of Farewell Tour, even with the textual comparison to suicide:

DEAN: How’d you find me? SAM: You’re going to kill yourself, right? It’s not too hard to figure out the stops on the Farewell Tour. How’s Lisa doing, anyways? DEAN: I’m not going to kill myself. SAM: No? So Michael’s not about to make you his Muppet? What the hell, man? This is how it ends? You just…walk out? DEAN: Yeah, I guess. SAM: How could you do that? DEAN: How could I? All you’ve ever done is run away. SAM: And I was wrong. Every single time I did. Just…please. Not now. Bobby is working on something. DEAN: Oh, really? What? SAM doesn’t answer. DEAN: You got nothing and you know it. SAM: You know I have to stop you. DEAN: Yeah, well, you can try. Just remember: You’re not all hopped up on demon blood this time. SAM: Yeah, I know. But I brought help. DEAN turns around to find CASTIEL standing behind him. CASTIEL touches his fingers to DEAN’s forehead, knocking him out.

So I gotta ask, if Dean’s plan is so terrific, why’d he lie about it? And if this is the One True Fate, why isn’t Dean fighting against it at all? What could make Dean abandon everything he ever believed-- outside of his darkest moments of hopeless despair like that one in 5.18-- and accept Fate?

Because Billie didn’t put that book in his hands and say, “This is what you must do to save the world.” In fact, she kinda said the opposite. So how badly does one have to read into her non-instruction over a prophecy we don’t even know the text of and insist that Dean’s interpretation is the One True Right Good Thing To Do Without Question and Everyone Else Is Abusive and Wrong to stop him?

What Billie ACTUALLY told him:

Billie: I warned you about the danger of jumping from world to world. But you ignored me, didn’t you? Dean: Rescuing mom and Jack, helping out those other folks, I’d say it was worth it. Billie: And just look at you now. Do you remember visiting my reading room? The shelves and shelves of notebooks describing the ways you might die? Dean: Yeah. Upbeat classics. Billie: Well, It’s the funniest thing. But they’ve all been rewritten. They all end the same way now-- With the archangel Michael escaping your mind and using you as his vessel to burn down this world. Dean: All of them? Billie: All of them. Except one. [she hands the book to Dean, and Dean opens it] Dean: What am I supposed to do with this? Billie: That’s up to you. [Dean looks down at the book again in horror, and when he looks up again, Billie is gone]

She started by reminding Dean, after he cavalierly insisted that Michael is contained, that it’s not a permanent solution. She began their entire conversation by deflecting from Dean’s reminder that she herself had broken a rule by interfering and zapping them all back to the bunker in the first place, but turning it all around on him. And yeah, he could’ve heeded her warning and stayed out of the AU, but we know that AU Michael had been long-planning to find a way to OUR world, even before Lucifer and Mary essentially landed in his lap. He’d had Kevin working on that spell to open the portal, and likely would’ve eventually succeeded anyway. The way he DID end up arriving here, without his angel armies, was likely the Less Terrible thing to have happen, in a twisted way. But all that’s beside the point, because Dean can’t disagree with her that it was his own meddling that landed him in this position in the first place.

He argues that it was still worth it to be able to save Mary (and Jack, but again, Jack only ended up there due to their own meddling), and the handful of AU Hunters who made it through the portal with them. But this was what Billie had cautioned about the cosmic house of cards Dean was playing with.

So she immediately gives him some more information to push him into feeling the horror and immediacy of his situation, which he had not felt was so pressing ten seconds earlier. She tells him ALL of his potential causes of death have been rewritten, and ALL of them end with Michael using his vessel to burn down the world.

Ten seconds earlier, Dean had been distressed by Mikey having a tantrum in his brain fridge, but he had not felt there was an imminent threat from Michael escaping. He’d been open to researching another solution, to investigating, to waiting and seeing and working with his loved ones to find a better way.

The MOMENT Billie put that book in Dean’s hands, she shattered his faith in himself, and in his family.

AND WE STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE BOOK ACTUALLY SAYS.

Do we really think it’s detailed plans for the Ma’lak box and a map of the Pacific Ocean with an X over where Dean needed to toss himself? I’m not that stupid, sorry. Because Dean found the plans for the box in a book he stole from the Bunker. Billie... did not give it to him. She didn’t even stick around after handing him his supposed Destiny.

In fact, she didn’t tell him he needed to do this to save the world. She told him THAT’S UP TO YOU. Not “follow these directions.” And instead of giving Dean hope, it snuffed out that one spark of hope he’d been holding on to up to that point.

So why are we trusting anything Dean has to say about this, when his words have contradicted the limited information we have been given so far?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

[orionsangel86]

13x12 - Episode Review - What is Fifth Base Anyway?

So the people at Google must have been confused when they discovered the number of searches for “fifth base” drastically went up overnight… Steve Yokey you cheeky bugger I love you! (Show of hands everyone who did this? Go on, admit it!)

This episode was really good. One of the stronger ones of an already very strong bunch as season 13 continues to exceed in quality. It had jokes, it had deep emotional revelations, it had Cas once again using his SuperPower of sassing the fuck out of things to get what he wants. Yeah it was pretty awesome! So let’s delve into the main points.

The Red Herring Love Spell

We were all expecting this to be an episode similar to 12x11 based on how it was marketed to us. Dean is under a love spell! It’s up to Sam and Rowena to save him! That seemed to be the gist of the PR team’s focus. As ever, PR is not Showrunning and this turned out to be one giant red herring.

The love spell lasted all of five minutes. So why bother? WHY was a love spell even PART of this plot?! Seriously? Someone tell me how this episode couldn’t have followed the EXACT same narrative with the sisters using some other spell to force people to do things for them? The fact is, that love spell was pointless for the plot but excellent for getting people thinking about LOVE. Specifically, Dean Winchester and LOVE, or at least, what love should be, and what it most definitely is not.

Aside from the fact that the clunky music whenever the love spell was invoked made me cringe, I thoroughly enjoyed how innocent it all seemed. Dean got to play Prince Charming to the princess and provide her with a gift of her choosing. I think it says something about Dean that the love spell encouraged this fairy tale vibe specifically for him, when for Dale at the start it was all about him playing protector and hero through violence and theft. I just thought it was an interesting statement about Dean’s wishes and desires compared to other men. Though I gotta admit, the gift giving, goofiness and oh I dunno, protecting his lover from a gun? It all seemed rather familiar to me… Hmmm…

I mean who else has Dean previously entrusted with powerful one off weapons?

Who else has Dean had to recently protect from a pointed gun much to his own horror rather than the recipient who is unlikely to be harmed by a regular gun anyway?

Who else makes Dean goofy and pull these silly delighted faces?

*looks into the camera like on the Office*

Yeah, but see these are not really examples of true love, even though they are all things done with Cas. What IS true love in season 13 is something that subtextually KEEPs getting referred to in EVERY EPISODE. That in 13x01 – 13x05 Dean was deeply lost in grief. Deeply mourning over the loss of Cas – someone who he is truly in love with. Love makes you do crazy things? Yeah, and as Billy said in 13x05 (Yokey’s last episode FYI) Dean wanted to die. Cas’s death had brought him to that level. The fact that now it is SAM who is feeling low, feeling powerless because of the loss of Mary and Jack, and Dean is able to remain focussed and have HOPE that they will save them, continues to be astonishingly hypocritical of Dean given where he was when Cas was dead. But it does keep drawing our attention to that fact, and for that I love it.

Bonus point for “I think you may be right, I think its time we go ahead and call Cas…” … “I’m in love” because Yokey could have written Sam saying ANYTHING at that point but he chose to remind the audience about Cas at that exact moment… as Dean announces he is in love, because the two are connected (and because it then wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to assume that Sam’s initial reaction is “Oh… so you finally admit it?”)

(FYI this crappy gif is my own. Don’t judge. It’s the first I’ve ever made.)

Sam’s mild amusement here just fits the “oh so you finally admit it? We can call Cas and start the wedding preparations?” interpretation and NO ONE can stop me seeing it that way! :D

Bonus Point two for the mentions of “Soulmates” (which relate to Angels in the show) and “Cosmic” (which again, tends to relate to angels and Cas).

Bonus point three that this is an episodes marketed as Dean being in love! LOOK AT ALL THIS HETEROSEXUALITY! It seems to scream at our general audiences, and yet, as always in SPN, if the GA are seeking heterosexuality, they are to be disappointed. They got a 5 minute mini love spell plot and Dean once again is without even a hint of an actual true female romantic partner. Nope, sorry heteros seeking a woman for Dean. You won’t find that here!

Basically, it’s not too much of a stretch to interpret this entire love spell mini plot as exposition for the TRUTH regarding Dean and “true love”. Because we all know it. It’s right there in the subtext. I just wish they’d make it text already.

Review continues under the cut as per usual...

Addressing Long unspoken Trauma – FINALLY

Officially my favourite part of the episode (unofficially my second fave part after “fifth base”), the conversations between Sam and Rowena about their trauma at the hands of Lucifer had me welling up. This is the first time in SPN history that Sam has actually opened up to ANYONE about his Lucifer trauma. Read that again. Be amazed that it has taken this long. Send Dabb and Yokey a fruit basket for this.

One thing season 13 has been excellent at doing, is making things textual that were previously only implied. This seems to be a continued trend following on from the reveal in 12x22 that Dean is effectively Sam’s parent (A fact meta writers have been talking about for YEARS.)

I don’t really have much to say about it actually, because it’s all just THERE in the text. It has left me kind of speechless.

SAM: Its not gonna change anything, you’re still gonna feel helpless. What Lucifer did to you…

ROWENA: I told you I don’t… before he crushed my skull, Lucifer showed me his face. His true face. I’m scared Sam. All the time.

SAM: I’ve seen it too. What he really looks like behind… behind whatever vessel… yeah it still keeps me up at night.

ROWENA: How do you deal with it?

SAM: I guess I don’t deal with it, not really. I mean I…Ive pushed it down, and the world kept almost ending and so I keep pushing it down and I dunno… I don’t really talk about it, not even with Dean, I mean I could… he would listen but, it’s not something I really know how to share.

…..

SAM: Even if you do get the book, and even if you get your power back. It won’t matter. You won’t ever be able to change what happened, you won’t be able to change how helpless you felt, or how helpless you feel. You’re still gonna get scared. That feeling, that feeling never goes away.

ROWENA: Never?

SAM: Never.

…

Honestly it’s perfect. Yokey has decided that enough is enough. We need to discuss this. We need to talk about the fact that our main characters have a shit load of trauma. It’s about GODDAMN TIME.

(x)

I just want to scream about the shots for a second though because god bless Amanda Tapping for being so excellent at capturing emotions. I am starting to think she is one of the best directors for it. The intimate long close ups on the actors faces as they open about this stuff, it just works. The soft music in the back ground pulls no focus away from the gravity of Sam’s words. It’s intense, and harrowing and kudos to Jared here because I think he must have been ITCHING for a moment like this for Sam for YEARS (and for god sake someone ask him about this scene at a con instead of more bloody prank questions PLEASE.)

I also love that it’s Rowena who Sam opens up to about this stuff, because she has that in common with him. I know that it can be argued that Cas has also experienced trauma at the hands of Lucifer, but since Cas is an angel it’s not the same. I doubt Lucifer’s true face would affect Cas, since Cas is already an angel with the ability to see and cope with seeing things that human minds struggle to comprehend.

I think Rowena and Sam is our new Dean and Crowley. They are enemies, but they have a mutual respect for one another and I see this as a really good thing both for Sam and Rowena. Because Crowley was changed thanks to his bond with Dean (love for Dean), he was able to find redemption in that. Rowena could also now find redemption, especially considering her newly powered up status. For Sam I think it was a smart choice to give Rowena the pages at the end. It wasn’t just about the bond they formed over shared trauma, it was Sam knowing that Rowena is right, that Lucifer will always find a way back, and Sam knows that eventually he will have to face him again, and he needs all the help and power he can get, so a powered up Rowena is a powerful ally to have against the creature that tortured and broke both their spirits.

Am I shipping them? No, not really. I still think Rowena is a villain. I never shipped Drowley, though I acknowledge it’s existence in the show as basically a hairsbreadth away from canon. (it’s technically just as close to canon if not more so than Destiel and strongly implied that they hooked up in various episodes). But if the show did go there with Sam and Rowena I wouldn’t mind it as such. I just don’t think it would be endgame. But sure, it could work for a while. I see them more like frenemies with mutual interests. Besides, I’m a Saileen girl all the way and will continue to hope for Eileen’s resurrection this season.

Narrative Mirrors – Witches and Winchesters

Ah narrative mirrors, don’t we love them? I especially love them when they highlight the Winchester family dynamics and just how screwed up they all are. Our witchy sisters fall extremely easily into this category. Jamie and Jenny or “J2” as I now plan to call them (I see what you did there Yokey). So J2 are motivated to do whatever it takes to bring back mum. Whatever it takes even though they are hardly competent witches and only seem to have one spell mastered – the love spell. The older sister uses her charm to encourage the victims to do whatever they wish for, whilst the younger sister is the smarter of the two, more skilled in magic (I wonder who they are supposed to represent?)

They have one purpose, and will stop at nothing until that purpose is fulfilled:

JAMIE: I’m sorry, I know I’m the big sister and I’m supposed to be the strong one or whatever.

JENNY: Yeah?

JAMIE: I just really miss her.

JENNY: I do too.

JAMIE: I know, and I like, really believe in us

JENNY: Jamie, I just want her back so bad

JAMIE: And we’re going to get her back, even if we have to cast every spell in this book and curse the souls of like a million people to make it happen.

Doesn’t this sound rather familiar? Like from 13x09:

DEAN: You were right, about mom you were right, this whole time we should have been looking for her

SAM: I was just hoping, I didn’t know. And anyway it doesn’t matter, now that we do know.

DEAN: We find her, no matter what it takes.

Which always made me kinda uncomfortable. There is a reason that Billy didn’t want Dean knowing their mum was still alive. Because Billy knows that the Winchesters would break the Universe to bring her back. “House of Cards” she called it. What’s the betting that thanks to Sam and Dean this “house of cards” is going to come tumbling down just as Billy predicted? Because I would put money on it.

At the end of the episode, we realise that Sam and Dean are in exactly the same place as J2. Jamie – the older sister, trying to support and reassure her younger sister, the one who “wants mom back so badly”. Jamie, unlike her sister, is totally focused on completing their task, whereas Jenny has her doubts. Just like Sam and Dean. We know that Dean is back to “We’ll figure it out” and “you and me” even though Sam is NOT on board with this, but like Jenny, Sam will follow Dean into a hornets nest if it means doing what they set out to do and save mum.

The girls mum came back wrong though, a zombie. When Mary was first resurrected she certainly wasn’t what the boys expected either, and now she is lost again, whose to say just what state she will be in when she is finally freed? Perhaps the message for the boys here is to actually let her go? As in, let go of the memory of Mary that they had sat on a pedestal (Dean in particular) and start to accept the woman their mother actually is, and let her do her thing, because otherwise it may kill them all.

And isn’t this moment just a perfect visual representation of the toxic co-dependency that is the Winchester brothers? Stab stab stab. One of them even has a hammer… LOL.

(Yup its another one of my crappy gifs.)

The Sassiest Angel in the Garrison

Oh Cas, I have missed your beautiful face…

(x)

(Dipper agrees with me)

Now I think everyone knows by now that I hate Lucifer. As in, I find the character extremely irritating and just want him off our screens dead and buried, and that Mark P can go annoy some other shows audience. The ONLY thing that makes watching Lucifer remotely bearable for me, is Castiel - wonderful, perfect, funny, grumpy, brilliant Castiel, sassing the fuck out of him. Bearing in mind all their scenes but one took place behind bars, I was as always captivated by Cas and the brilliant genius he is.

So far in season 13, Castiel hasn’t actually spent much time using his powers, his grace, to actually get anything done. What he has done, is be incredibly smart and used that tactician brain of his to talk himself out of any situation. Everything Castiel does has a purpose. He is generally a creature of few words (except when it comes to Dean) and therefore, whenever he does speak, it is usually with a great deal of thought. (There was a brilliant meta on the word “assbutt” and how it is the worst insult he could possibly throw at Lucifer and yet everyone still ridicules him for it. Don’t knock the word assbutt. Cas knew exactly what he was doing!)

And so Cas isn’t just being a sassy little bitch in this episode. He’s being a sassy little bitch with purpose. Lucifer may be powered down, but he still has power. Cas knows this. Cas knows that the best way to get Lucifer activating what little power he has is to make him angry. So what does Cas do? He sass’s him, over and over. Pissing him off until eventually, it works.

“Turns out rage is a good motivator”

Such a badass. Bye bye little Dipper.

This is why you should never underestimate Castiel. He will always get the better of you. He will always come out on top in the end.

“This is me, learning from my mistakes” he says whilst stabbing Lucifer at the end of the episode. I thoroughly enjoyed that moment of course, even if we know already it doesn’t stick. Since Lucifer is alive next episode. *sigh*.

Lucifer has been continuously hinting all episode that he want’s Cas’s grace. It seems possible due to pics from next week, that he may actually get what he seeks.

Cas has blood on his collar, which he doesn’t have at the end of 13x12. So is Cas about to become human again? Or at least graceless? It’s possible. @tinkdw​ wrote this post about it (yes I stole her screencap). We were discussing this in our group chat yesterday and thanks to the themes that would come from another human!Cas story I can certainly get behind it, even if I hate the idea that it isn’t his choice yet again. This time, having Lucifer steal his grace seems worse than the first time. But as I mentioned above, Castiel has already shown several times this season that his grace is in no way where his strengths lie. I just hope that it is still his choice in the end to give it up, or not regain it, however that story may pan out.

But yeah maybe prepare ourselves for a human Cas whose grace was stolen by Lucifer plot? I mean if it doesn’t happen great, but if it does... don’t say we didn’t warn ya okay? I know how sensitive we all get about Cas stuff - this is literally the first any of us had thought of this. Besides, he’ll still be amazing even if Lucifer does take his grace, He’ll get in a few more stabs before the end. No doubt.

Other Awesome Stuff

The “fifth base” scene. Yeah this was certainly risqué of Yokey. I was screaming about this to Tink in the chatty bubbles, trust a gay writer to throw in a gay joke aimed at our currently in the closet bisexual lead character and have him act all awkward like he doesn’t know what it is… *glances at Sam* What? Nope, I’ve never… There’s NO SUCH THING AS FIFTH BASE. Sure Jan. Just as I scoff at the idea of Dean not knowing basic French, the idea that Dean DOESN’T know what fifth base is, is absurd. These are purposely input into this episode to raise our eyebrows and DOUBT them.

Baring in mind the way Rowena asks that question “Did THEY get to fifth base?” not “Did YOU get to fifth base” strongly implies actually that Rowena was asking if Dean was pegged. Let’s get that clear. Once again, we have a bottom!dean joke in the subtext of the show. (At some point we need to round up EVERY reference to Dean’s ass and compare it to the other characters just to make this point.)

Oh gosh I haven’t even got to “What’s by is by” yet. The top result in google for this supposed saying is a destiel fanfic written as coda for this episode. There is NOTHING else. It doesn’t exist. What is Yokey playing at exactly? Bygones be bygones maybe? But she had to say it like that? After a reference to anal? To DEAN? Yeah I know everyone is probably already yelling about this on tumblr but still. This is a very huge WTF from me to Yokey that he would ever think we WOULDN’T pick up on this. He did it on purpose. It has a reason, just like everything else. The reason being “Dean is Bi”.

......

(x)

The final scene with Rowena is spectacular. It’s also oddly erotic but maybe that’s just me. Rowena is finally unbound, powerful, free, and probably quite deadly. Here’s hoping she raises a hell of a storm. I have always loved Rowena’s character so for me this idea of her being “unbound” and basically immortal is really interesting. I just hope this paves the way to her helping the Winchesters defeat the big bads to come. Because I see her becoming more of an ally as time goes by. I hope she continues to have a big part to play in the story, and after this final scene I am practically sure she will. 

....

Castiel speaking about Jack like he’s a proud parent gives me life. He truly loves the kid. It’s beautiful.

....

Why does Lucifer attract so many dick jokes nowadays? I’m actually almost getting tired of them. For shits and giggles I’m gonna accept it at face value that Lucifer, unlike Crowley, is not well endowed. It makes sense. The tantrums, the violence. Little man syndrome. Pfft.

I’m also going to take it at face value that Cas is most likely huge. Yeah, that smirk is telling.

We all know he’s a big boy. ;-)

.... 

Hats off to Brenda. The biggest star of the episode. Never failed to make me laugh every time I watched.

You go Brenda. You were awesome.

Overall

Solid episode with lots of great moments. Now all I need is Cas to find the boys and get really pissy with them when he realises they didn’t ONCE figure out that Colonel Sanders was impersonating him. I mean sure, Dean has super low self esteem and was clearly grumpy with Cas at the start of the episode for only really checking in with Sam, not coming home after taking off, clearly CHOOSING the road over being at home with HIM... But that doesn’t excuse him being blind to Asmodeus’s impersonation. Bring on next week. I hope Dean grovels.

[atc74]

Legacy

Square Filled: Futuristic!AU for @spnaubingo

Warnings: Angst...a lot of angst, **spoilers for S14**

Summary: Mary Campbell didn’t want to be a hunter. She wanted that apple pie life with John Winchester, but one yellow eyed demon ruined all that. Can a glimpse into her future change a single moment in time?

Pairing: none (Young Mary x John mentioned)

Word Count: 1901

Written for: @spnaubingo

Beta’d by: @hannahindie thank you love

A/N: I took some creative liberties here with the term AU. We all know what happened when Zachariah sent Dean five years into the future for the Endverse!AU and I thought it would be a different take to see it from Mary’s perspective. I hope you like it. Your feedback is my motivation!

Buy Sam, Dean and Mary here from @scentsfromthebunker for an all new fan experience!

“Nooooooo! John, no!” Mary Campbell wept over her new fiance’s limp body, his neck snapped at the hands of the yellow eyed demon.

“Hello, Mary,” the sweet voice broke through her sobs. The world around her had gone still. Her father’s wounded body loomed over her, frozen, with the demon still trapped inside him.  

“Who are you?” She gasped.

“My name is Jessica. I’m a reaper. We have to hurry before Death finds out I’m here,” Jessica warned Mary.

“A reaper? What are you doing here? What do you want?” She demanded.

Jessica grabbed Mary by the wrist and the world spun beneath her.

~*~

“Sam I don’t know what’s going on, but something is going on,” the blond woman whispered into the device in her hand, perched in the dark stairwell.

Mary Campbell looked around the wooden home. There was a man at the stove. His back was to her, but he wore a burgundy button down, denim blue jeans and sensible work boots. A bell went off and he reached into the oven, removing a casserole dish and carried it to the table. It wasn’t until he turned around that she saw his face.

“Dean?” She questioned, her hand flying to her mouth. She had just seen Dean earlier that evening when he left her parents home. This man looks like Dean, but he had aged in the mere hours since she had seen him last.

“Yes, Mary. That is Dean. But he can’t hear you, or see you,” Jessica explained to her.

“Then why did you bring me here, Jessica?” Mary turned on the reaper.

“Think of me as a crystal ball,” she reminded the young blonde hunter.

~*~

Dean and the blonde woman laughed while they shared their meal, reminiscing about old times. Dean told a story about his younger brother and the woman turned quiet.

“Sometimes I forget just how much I missed while I was gone,” she said. “And how much the two of you just…”

“But you’re here now, right?” Dean smiled. “And even though the last couple of years have been a little rough, just knowing that you’re around, that you’re alive...Mom, that’s meant everything to me. And everything to Sam.” He cleared his throat, looking around the table. “And how great is this, hm? You, me, sitting here, eating the real thing, not some bologna version of Winchester Surprise? You know, we’re not fighting any monsters. There’s-there’s no clouds on the horizon.”

Mary Campbell gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. Did he just say Winchester Surprise? She looked over at Jessica in shock. This woman was Dean’s mother. That meant...oh no. Her gut wrenched as she turned her attention back to the two of them.

“Dean? Dean, whatever you’re going through, you can talk to me,” his mother told him warmly, concern filled her voice and her soft features. She reminded Mary of her own mother, kind and ready to give someone her full attention.

Mary knew that the hunting life wasn’t easy, but she wonders what happened in Dean’s life since the last time she saw him.

“I just saw him. He looks ragged and tired. I’ve seen this look on hunters after too many years,” Mary whispered. “What happened to him?” She looked to Jessica for answers.

“This is the same Dean that you met, just days ago in your world, Mary. But he’s not the same. Dean was sent back to your time by an angel of the Lord to try to stop a demon. He failed and this is what his life became. The year is 2019, Mary. I’ve brought you to the future,” Jessica divulged.

“Everyone keeps asking how I am, and how I am...is I don’t wanna talk about it,” Dean implored with sorrow and sadness in his eyes. “Please.”

His mother didn’t speak, just agreed with a small nod of her head.

Mary blinked back tears at the interaction between the mother and son. Whatever it was that was going on caused him tremendous pain.

Through her blurred vision, the room flipped and now they were in some type of out building. The man’s mother bent over the table, examining the ancient tomes on the workbench. “No. No, no, no, no.” She whispers.

The ground shifted and Mary saw Dean running frantically out of the cabin. He stopped, gun ready at his side, until a twig snapped behind him. He swings wide, his gun aimed and finger poised for any potential threat.

“Hey! Whoa! Easy!” Shouted another man, hands in the air, showing he means no harm.

Dean recognized the man and lowers his weapon, a look of disbelief on his face.

“Dean, what’s going on here?” The taller man asked.

“It’s mom. She’s gone,” Dean revealed.

Mary and Jessica are back in the cabin. Another woman, a police officer, had joined the Dean and the man Mary assumes is his brother, they way the conversed about the missing woman.

Another gut wrenching shift and Mary was back in the storage shed, Jessica at her side. She glanced from one man to the other, the tension between them was heavy. It filled the room and was stifling as she watched the interaction.

‘It’s a Malock box, secured and warded. Once inside, nothing gets out,” Dean informed Sam. “Not even an archangel. Especially not an archangel.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve read ab-about these...b-but no one’s ever...they’re impossible to build,” Sam muttered.

“Yeah, well, not so much,” Dean stood on the other side of the box, looking Sam in the eye.

“That’s your plan? You-you want to be buried alive?” Sam theorized, shock in his voice.

“Well, buried’s not safe enough. Plan is, pay a little hush money, charter a boat to take me out to the Pacific,” Dean revealed. “Splash.”

“You and Michael, trapped? Together? For eternity?” Sam challenged.

“Yeah,” Dean answered with determination.

“You do realize how insane this is, right?” Sam pointed out.

“It’s the only sane play I’ve got,” Dean maintained. The look on Sam’s face compelled him to continue. “Michael gets out? That’s it for this world. And he will get out.”

“But how do you know that for su-?” Sam started.

“Because I do,” Dean interjected, his hand up to stop Sam from speaking. “Because I can feel him in my head! That door is giving. I can feel it giving!”

“But there has to be another way,” Sam argued.

“There’s not, okay?” Dean asserted. “Sam, you’ve tried. Cas has tried. Jack...and I love you for trying, but none of it’s going to work.”

“We don’t know that!” Sam shouted.

“Yeah, we do,” Dean looked down.

“What?” Sam asked, his mind still struggled to wrap around his brothers insane plan.

“Billie,” Dean uttered.

“Billie?” Sam echoed.

“She paid me a little visit. She said there’s only one way this ends right,” Dean explained, slamming his fist down on the metal box for emphasis. “And this is it. This right here. This...box.”

Sam stood there, staring at his brother, his face scrunched in dubiety.

“So she gave up the special recipe and all I had to do was the work. It’s fate,” Dean said.

“Since when do we believe in fate?” Sam scoffed.

“Now, Sam. Since now,” Dean shook his head.

Sam was the one shaking his head now. “So you came out here...to see Donna? To see mom? On some, what, some sick secret farewell tour?” Sam bellowed at his brother. “You were gonna leave...and you weren’t even going to tell me. Me. Do you realize how messed up that is? How unfair that is?” He was shouting now.

“I didn’t have a choice!” Dean shouted back. “Sam, you’re the last person I could tell. The last person I could be around, because you’re the only person that could’ve talked me out of it!”

Dean composed himself and continued. “And I won’t be talked out of it. I won’t. I’m doing this. Now, you can either let me do it alone...or you could help me. But I’m doing this.”

Dean bowed his head, his hands flat on the box as Sam contemplated his options. Mary saw the turmoil as it moved through him. His face spoke a million questions and emotions all at once.

“Alright,” Sam conceded his fight with one simple word and Dean let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

The ground quaked under Mary’s feet and she found herself back in 1973. She stood over John’s dead body, tears streamed down her face.

“Why?! Why did you take me there? Why would you make me witness that?” Mary screamed at the reaper.

“You need to know that every action has an opposite and equal reaction, Mary,” Jessica reminded her.

“Yeah, I got it Einstein. I paid attention in science class. What does any of that have to do with me?” She got in Jessica’s face, demanding answers.

“Tonight, right here, right now, when I am gone, you will make a decision that will haunt those people for the rest of their lives, you included,” the reaper disclosed. “I’m not allowed to interfere, but over the years I have grown very fond of Sam and Dean Winchester, so I think you know why I took you on that little excursion.”

“They’re not-they can’t be…” Mary whispered, her head shaking in denial.

“But they are Mary. And that will be you in forty six years, give or take. Your sons have both been possessed by archangels. Sam by the devil himself. Dean was possessed by Michael, who tortured him for weeks! He wants to burn humanity to the ground!

“You will say one word in minutes, setting the dominoes in motion that will fall for eternity. You made a deal with demon and your sons will pay for your sins with their lives! Think about your life Mary. Your sons lives. Is that the legacy you want to leave for them?” With a blink Jessica was gone and Mary collapsed to the ground next to John.

“I’ll tell you what. I’ll arrange to have lover boy here brought back breathing,” the yellow eyed demon promised with her father’s voice and body.

“What? And all it costs is my soul?” Mary asked.

“Oh no, you can keep that. I just need permission,” he sneered. “I’ll swing by your house in ten years for a little something, that’s all,” he told her.

“For what?” Mary cried.

“Relax. Relax. As long as I’m not interrupted, nobody gets hurt, I promise...Or you can spend the rest of your life desperate and alone,” the demon chuckled.

Mary sobbed, holding tighter to John’s body.

“It’s a good deal, Mary. So what do you say?” The demon asked impatiently.

A car sputtered in the distance.

“Yes,” Mary cried.

The yellow eyed demon crashed his lips to hers, sealing the deal. He pulled away and smoked out, leaving her dead father’s body on the ground.

“No!” A voice shouted.

Mary looked from her father's body to John’s and back to the man still screaming no.

A gasp came from her lap. John sat up, confused. “Mary?”

“John?!” She threw her arms around his neck and looked back at the man one more time. He was getting closer with each step. “I’m sorry, Dean.” She mouthed and buried her face in the collar of John’s leather jacket.

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