#your twink bf and your himbo bf

[glambots]

That flirty sun ask WOO, I would absolutely die if sun OR Monty started flirting with me, and it makes me consider, sun and Monty both have a crush on you and it becomes a full on competition LMAO.

Sun is So Passive-Aggressive and it All flies over Monty's Head.

[sugar-petals]

Ooooh, now I’m curious and need to ask you to elaborate on your top ten himbo players, that you actually like, but also your top ten for players that are boyfriend material, cause I find your choices really interesting and actually different from what I was expecting! 💗 (i really hope I’m not bothering you by sending these asks 🥺🌟)

i like writing about it at length don’t worry 👀⚽️ here it goes. 

caro’s top 10 footie giants

(note: includes veteran nominations for long-term service)

1) robert lewandowski — who is it!!!!

if lewy doesn’t win this it’s heresy, the man has it all: he’s ripped, he’s cutesy, statuesque, silly, sexy, divine, hilarious, confused, polite, unique, unsurpassed, i can go on, enjoy this handy illustration as proof:

he is the moment, he’s the protagonist, the founding father of all himbos worldwide 👴🏻✨he just has to look at you clueless once and you know he got what it takes!

in summary: 

2) fernando torres — nobody expects the spanish ab definition! ah... the good ole days, i miss fernando. el niño became extremely buff with time and remains as kind and shy as ever so the spot is even more deserved 🇪🇸

3) manuel neuer — not in 1st place bc he's too unhinged, other than that ofc he has to be way up high on the list for being the nation’s big booty stripper providing us with endless content, give his arms a custom insurance ffs

4) leon goretzka — here goes the twink magnet, the whole fandom will send me assassins if leon's not included in the top 5 so ‘ere ya go

5) frenkie de jong — himbo in the making, BDE body, puppy personality, he’s just very huggable, what more can i say, he really walks around like this

6) julian brandt — soft snuggly himbo bee, a lil slutty too 👌 lately his hair is so dang long i love it, smh i envy kai for being engaged to this man

7) mats hummels — also included to appease the masses, at least i don’t think his green plaid coat was that bad, his facial bones & hair are great i guess

8) ter stegen — not 100% a himbo since his brain isn't entirely vacant (more of a gentlemanly type) but but he is kind tall chiseled and a tank, i would pick him to save us in a zombie apocalypse

9) lukas podolski (ft. bastian schweinsteiger) — and now the ultimate grandfather besties of himboism, you can’t possibly separate them, poldi invented being stupid and sexy, basti invented being stupid and built, together they are the ideal himbo fusion, everyone deserves having a friendship like this

gotta love them munching crisps on tv 😂

OUT OF A GIANT CAULDRON HHH

10) romelu lukaku — to wrap it up i confess my love for the belgian team, they’re incredible & romelu is peak coolness (last on the list bc he’s actually smart, but his tiddies are enormous so ofc that has to be honored)

and for the sake of completion, an abbreviated top 10:

top 5 bf material players

1) raheem sterling — we talked about tall guys but here the short king hour strikes! so goodlooking and smiley ⭐️ he’s perfection. i have zero business with his club or the english nt and yet? he made it here. says a lot. raheem sterling. thank you for existing. terrific player.

2) mario götze — hehe... i know very well you didn’t expect him either but here goes it’s me mario, certified cutest ever, so sparkly as well, baby baby bumblebee, oh the nostalgia i know

3) kai havertz — soft lizard bf w/ terrible humor, i stan, can’t divorce him from julian so it’s gonna be a polyamorous relationship, but anyway i adore my suffering victorian heir to bits

4) leroy sané — prettiest, most elegant, most attractive, most stylish, the ideal man exists, love his voice & little habits, never seen a guy as ethereal and handsome, leroy is so boyfriend it hurts, my heart skips a beat for this gaze

5) kepa arrizabalaga — as the outrageous cherry on top: another goalkeeper lunatic and to amp up the hot spanish quota even more; kepa truly is a phenomenon, i don’t know how he does it but i enjoy it

thank you for bearing with this whole friggin ranking, have a nice day 🐯 (now i’ll hide and wait until the rest of the footie fandom finds this post)

[bokunoherokomikuko]

The true natshig experience be like:

-“What if, now hear me out, natsuo/shigaraki” [cue crackship snickering] - randomly thinking about natshig when thinking about stuff for your otp - being caught off guard that you think about natshig at all - thinking about the reality of natshig being a thing - “okay but the gap moe though” - “but the league would love natsuo???” - messing with dabi becomes your new favorite past time but for an entirely new reason - that reason being natshig - gamer bfs - honking doctor himbo loves crusty neet twink - if you actually read this list, you’re already too far gone

[cottoncandyjester]

Out of all of your yanderes, which ones do you think would be able to share a darling?

Time to break out the combos my bitches, bros and non binary hoes!

Are some of these combos unstable? Yeah but whatever

There are a lot of combos so these are just my favorite ones

Warning this contains: yandere talk, talk about sex, dark topics

Theo & zeke- opposites duo

These two together sharing a darling is chaos

Zeke punches theo at least three times a day cause of the racist shit he says

They only “get along” during sex but that’s only cause zeke fucks you and theo so hard that theo can’t speak and you’re passed out

Dates with these two ends in fighting like just stay home or you three will be forced out of whatever building you guys are in

Theo will slowly learn to watch his mouth around zeke..after so many ass beatings

That’s when they will slowly get along

They are quite the team though when it comes to keeping you from escaping like they actually move like a unit

Rin,axis, and Hikaru- femboy trio

If you have a kink for twink boys in skirts these are your boys

Hikaru keeps rin from bullying axis which happens too often

They are so damn clingy

Like holy crap you can’t go anywhere

Also they are so beautiful so expect lots of jealous stares

Hikaru is actually far less degrading thanks to rin and axis

As far as fun time..

They tend to fight over who goes first and this usually ends with you broken since they don’t stop til they are satisfied

Rocket & Tiago- monster fucker duo

If you like these two..you’re a monster fucker I don’t make the rules

They would absolutely share and be quite loving

From rocket’s golden retriever himbo behavior to tiago’s gentle giant behavior you are definitely gonna get spoiled

Lots of praise and kisses for you

yeah they are huge so escaping or even fighting them is impossible

They do tend to lightly fight over their darling and who gets how much attention and it always ends with you sandwiched between them

You will have zero brain power after even one session with them

Rocket is 6’5 and Tiago is 7’....you are probably gonna die

They are so sweet and loving not only to you but to each other

Also expect lots of steamy work out dates

Just like going to the gym or taking a jog. Though Tiago can convince rocket to settle down and just relax with you and him

*clears throat* ✨tits just massive tits both of them✨

Mateo, Tiago, zeke- team Afro Latino

These three✨

Oh these three are so in sync that it’s scary

They will definitely share a darling and it would be like one big happy family

It would be quite peaceful

They are all so goofy that you would forget that they are murdering yanderes

Any person who had a crush on you would vanish for sure

One of them always keeps you distracted enough for the other two to sneak off and kill whoever dares stare at you for too long

Yuki & yoshi- lazy boys

Okay but naps for days

When yoshi isn’t killing himself playing video games

They both collectively agree that sharing would be easier and would take far less energy instead of killing each other

Yuki keeps yoshi clean..as best as he can

And yoshi keeps Yuki from sleeping himself to death from starvation or dehydration

In terms of keeping you theirs they work well

Yoshi is crude and vile being a sadist while Yuki is a masochist wanting you to crush him with your thighs..so it works out great

When yoshi is being rude and vile Yuki is there to cradle you close with soft kisses

When Yuki is being emotionless and distant yoshi is there to give you all his attention

Mateo& rocket- gym bros

Talk about a POWER couple

These two are powerful golden retrievers bfs

They are always spotting each other at the gym

Those two are competing against each other everyday like who can do the most push ups or who can lift the most weights

They are such sweethearts to their darling

Although you’ll be forced to work out with them

From jogs in the park to sitting on one of their backs while they do push ups

There’s no way you can fight them when they work together

Mateo’s skill is his agility and speed

Rocket has the pure strength

They will win and you will be theirs

So just be their adorable little darling

They are the type to try and impress you all the time by showing you how strong or fast they are

They seem so innocent and sweet but they will kill for you

They are so loving to each other though

From rocket picking you and mateo up in his arms and kissing you two

To mateo giving you and rocket lots and lots of kisses

[princess-of-the-corner]

Korra: sometimes a friend group is you, your beautiful inventor gf, a sexy himbo, his angsty brother, your past life's granddaughter, her thief bf, the only airbending Beifong/the himbo's gf, and the twink prince of the Earth Kingdom

Valid!

[imaginaryskeleton]

Hetalia characters explained by my sibling who has never watched Hetalia:

Spain: Himbo twink. He's dumb as fuck and is the one guy who tells these bullshit stories about what's he's done and where he's been and everyone knows they're bullshit. He thinks he's sexy but tbh he gets no girls

Cuba: I love him. Himbo extreme. He adores his friends

Poland: I would trust him to babysit my kids. He grew up really poor and when he left home he told everyone he got a rich bf and now had a lot of money but in reality his bf is poor af and their relationship is barely together and he still has money troubles

Romano: His name is Rodriguez. He could have been baby but he has so much trauma that the world slapped him in the face and revoked his baby privileges. You have to drag him kicking and screaming to social events but when he gets there he's a butterfly

France: This guy puts way more effort into his appearance than you'd think

England: He doesn't respect women or himself

Germany: This is that one kid who went to military camp to look cool but when he got there he cried his eyes out but he won't leave because he's stubborn but he really hates it

Austria: He has his own library and if you go in you better be wearing 6 pairs of gloves or you can't touch anything. He'll be breathing down your neck the whole time you're there. I feel like he's related to military camp guy

Prussia: He's 14 and this is deep. That bird bites him on the nose a lot. He pretends to be suave and sassy but no he's just a child. He bleaches his hair to seem cool. Also he listens to Fall Out Boy

Belarus: This is Darlia. She's fucking satan. They have this thing where every Saturday they just get together and fuck. She murdered her older sister with a shovel

Denmark: He had a reverse redemption arc. Things were going fine for him but then he found out he's related to a toxic youtuber and his life slowly got worse (me: what country is he?) Poland

Hungary: She will fuck you up. Usually she sits in the corner all dainty and quiet but if she overhears you say one bad thing about her friends that frying pan is coming at your head. She used to have really short hair until she realised her gender expression isn't important to her gender identity (me wondering how they're so close). She gets along with bullshit stories guy like at first they hated each other but then they got talking and now they're really close

Romania: His best friend is the frying pan girl (me: you could not be more wrong) he has a really niche hobby like candle making. He was cursed so that someone dies if he falls in love with them or something

[kyuala]

idk anything abt cravity but assign me a bf pwease

yes of course my king anything for you 👑 ship requests are open!

i ship you with woobin! 🧡

ok so i tried to think of somebody who fits your type (a twunk). so, basing it off of yoshi, kun, junhoe, wooseok, yuto and kyeomie, a big-ish fluffy guy who can cook and is dependable, but also the biggest, funniest dork in the world with the biggest heart ever. mix it all together and boom! you've got yourself a woobin, congrats!

i know you're such a romantic yourself king, and ruby (his nickname 🥺) would actually love that so much! he's a sucker for feeling loved and appreciated in even the most minimal of ways and he would not be scared to hit you with that same energy right back. think romantic dinners after work on a regular wednesday night. think... malewife.

also he's the main vocal. he would love to serenade you, then clown you a little bit, then go back to serenading you. it's just his thing. he also plays dumb for comedic effect sometimes so you'd get yourself a himbo as well <3 love that

p.s.: allen (cute foreigner) and hyeongjun (excitable scandalous twink) also came to mind!

i love you and i hope you like this STAN CRAVITY!!!!!!! 🤩🧡

[iskierkacest]

Listen, I have no idea who the blue-haired person on my dash is (Lio, I think) but they’re the biggest himbo I have seen all day and I want you to know I support and love them dearly

blue haired himbo is galo, actually (his green twink bf is lio), but youre right, he has 1 braincell and has never done anything wrong in his life

[eldritchseer-universe]

i see that like 75 percent of the thirst content in the pathologic fandom is directed towards dankovsky and i’m just left scratching my head as artemy is just left standing out in the cold

i am going to supply a comparison and prove artemy is objectively a better bf than dankovsky (hey, if you like the big D, don’t worry about it, your opinion is valid, this is just for fun)

Artemy: 1. your friendly himbo bf 2. good with kids 3. good with animals 4. strong enough to kill three dudes in a straight up fight, can protect you 5. a hugger 6. can brew crazy steppe drugs for you 7. loves his dad 8. sincere 9. HUNK 10. drinks responsibly

Dankovsky 1. rude twink 2. hates kids and animals 3. thinks you’re a country bumpkin if you’re not from the capital 4. would shoot you in the back for the kains 5. wears gloves when approaching other people 6. can’t brew shit. maybe he can come up with avocado toast, but i doubt it 7. loves no one 8. smarmy prick 9. wants to talk to your manager 10. spends like half of the game sloshed as opposed to working on a cure 11. fails at everything  12. has a weird tiny cup that he glares at 13. wears snakeskin. those snakes were probably endangered.

[needletongues]

both!!

oh HELL yeah okay so uh. i've got bad memory so i don't rlly remember quotes all that well so i'm gonna do the memories!

IRRAYA:

1. got drunk and texted a very poorly spelled "HOT SINGLE TWINKS IN YOUR AREA" (referring, of course, to himself, in hopes of finding a big buff himbo bf. it didn't work for that but he did get to see another crush, so) to a public support group chat he's in

2. owns a shirt that says "TWO TRUCKS" on it. his voiceclaim is lemon demon. less of a memory and more of an important fact i guess

3. has, on multiple occasions, gotten so flustered by his crush that he knocked a ton of things over (he's clumsy and having four arms doesn't help)

4. i know you said three but i should mention that he gave himself third degree burns from an explosion and was very nonchalant about it

DELILAH:

1. she's the main reason i started talking to the person who is now my s/o, and i think about that sometimes and i'm just... so grateful. if i hadn't joined this community, i wouldn't have met so many incredible people who i now cherish deeply but that's a talk for another time

2. i was in this one server a while back when i first started getting into rp, and it took place at this magic school. she had a roommate named shen long, who could turn into a dragon, and i absolutely adored their dynamic. unfortunately, the server has since been deleted so i can't go back and re-read anything :-(

3. i keep forgetting, but when i made her originally, one of her hobbies was fencing. i think i'm gonna bring that back because 👀👀👀

4. sorry i keep adding more but I ONCE DID AN RP WITH HER AND ADRIK (the version of him from before he realized his dad sucked, often referred to as "pre-r adrik") AND THEY WERE SO GOOD... yeah he nearly killed her but he also said some really sweet stuff and fuck i love adrik and del so much

ETHAN:

1. he and lucius bring me so much comfort, and also lowkey before we were together my s/o and i projected onto them. sorry rei i'll edit this if it's too personal ily

2. he was in a garage band when he was younger. he was their main guitarist and songwriter, but refused to sing even though he has a nice voice because he didn't like the attention

3. he's just a gruff but sweet guy living in the desert in a town kinda like nightvale, doing potions and necromancy and alcoholism. and then later loving his kids and husband(s in some universes. get it king)

i should stop myself hear so i don't talk your ear off (or, uh... eyes, since you're reading?). thank you so much for the opportunity to talk abt some of my faves anon i love you so much and i hope the world treats you kindly today

[wackernagels]

I posted 552 times in 2021

99 posts created (18%)

453 posts reblogged (82%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 4.6 posts.

I added 684 tags in 2021

#qzgs - 101 posts

#quan zhi gao shou - 101 posts

#the king's avatar - 96 posts

#shitpost - 73 posts

#mumbles - 72 posts

#cike wu liuqi - 54 posts

#scissor seven - 54 posts

#winter begonia - 46 posts

#bin bian bu shi hai tang hong - 46 posts

#nif - 41 posts

Longest Tag: 112 characters

#anyways. i guess that means i’ll have to make some winter begonia content that isn’t embarrassingly dull-colored

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

omori: might fuck around and leave basil in black space

52 notes • Posted 2021-09-06 00:02:48 GMT

#4

Do you think if assassins still came to fuck w chicken island they’d go up and be like ‘I’m looking for the strongest fighter here’ expecting seven to pop up or smth and ichiro is like ‘bitch this is a sharefun mart’

55 notes • Posted 2021-10-07 00:01:50 GMT

#3

babe wake up official fsq just dropped

56 notes • Posted 2021-11-05 14:47:31 GMT

#2

57 notes • Posted 2021-11-19 01:02:06 GMT

#1

Twenty chapters into tgcf and I’m just saying. If this isn’t abt a himbo and his girlboss twink bf I don’t know what it is

72 notes • Posted 2021-06-09 14:35:37 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →