#your spinach puffs are burning

[ghostradiodylan]

The tag “Jacob has big Kronk energy” slayed me. So true.

JACOB CUSTOS 1/??

[nyoomfruits]

where i am going is right where i am (lando/oscar, 18k, completed)

Oscar, Lando likes to tell people, is a slow burn. Unremarkable at first. Almost a little boring. But then he wiggles your way into your life with his croissants and his soft little smiles and then one day you wake up and realize you would conquer worlds, slay dragons, eat spinach puffs, anything just to get him to look at you. Max, on multiple occasions, has told him that’s a him problem and that not everyone experiences this around Oscar. Lando thinks Max is an idiot.

READ HERE

[sweet-caress-of-twilight]

Disney Animated Canon Dashboard Simulator

🦁 a-mighty-king Follow

How do I look?

🦌 a-life-in-the-woods Follow

mid

🦁 a-mighty-king Follow

That's why your mom is dead

🦌 a-life-in-the-woods Follow

ik you're not talking when your uncle killed your dad 💀be so fr rn

🦁 a-mighty-king Follow

moots you have 24 hours to unfollow a-l*fe-in-t*e-w**ds

🧞‍♂️ phenomenal-cosmic-power Follow

geez, wanna buy some vowels?

🦁 a-mighty-king Follow

how dare you say we piss on the poor

#classism tw

🧞‍♂️ phenomenal-cosmic-power Follow

I'm not classist, my best pal is a street rat

🐭 rescue-aid-society-official Follow

Actually, we prefer the term "mouse" - Bernard

🧞‍♂️ phenomenal-cosmic-power Follow

I don't believe it, another "piss on the poor" moment? I'm not even talking about you dawg 💀

⚡️ b01t Follow

...

🥖 one-jump-ahead Follow

actually I wouldn't mind being pissed on

🌺 jasmine-like-the-flower Follow

AYO?

📖 milo-thatch Follow

#aladdin horny heritage posts

💛 more-than-this-provincial-life Follow

h

💪 roughly-the-size-of-a-barge Follow

I SHOWED YOU MY COCK IN DMS PLEASE RESPOND

💪 roughly-the-size-of-a-barge Follow

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE BEEN BLOCKED BY BELLE ANYWAYS DNI IF YOU STAN THE BEAST

🕯 b3-0ur-gu3st Follow

#THE BEAST SWEEP

💪 roughly-the-size-of-a-barge Follow

shut your goofy ass up before I melt you

😜 yaa-hoo-hoo-hooey Follow

Gawrsh, did someone mention me?

🐤 d0n4ld-duck Follow

hes not talking about you you big palooka

😜 yaa-hoo-hoo-hooey Follow

Actually, you're supposed to put an apostrophe in the word "he's"

🐤 d0n4ld-duck Follow

GAHHHHHHH WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?

💚 theboywhowouldntgrowup Follow

adults are so annoying like go pay your taxes grandpa 🙄

🏴‍☠️ theworldsmostfamouscrook Follow

You are a minor who knows nothing about the world. You are the ugly one here. I can make YOU shut up but I suggest you one thing. You don't want to deal with a devil like me.

🐊 tiktokcrok Follow

Hi

🏴‍☠️ theworldsmostfamouscrook Follow

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

🏴‍☠️ theworldsmostfamouscrook Follow

moots please tw crocodiles

💎 m4d4m-m3dus4 Follow

BOO

🏴‍☠️ theworldsmostfamouscrook Follow

THIS IS THE LAST STRAW MEDUSA!!!!!11 I'M BREAKING THE MUTUAL!!1111!!

🐚 p00r-unf0rtun4t3-s0u1s Follow

And this, my darlings, is why we don't put our triggers out in public

💜 m3g4r4 Follow

Hercules save me

💜 m3g4r4 Follow

Hercules

💜 m3g4r4 Follow

save me Hercules

💪 zer02hero Follow

Never fear, I'm on my way!

💪 roughly-the-size-of-a-barge Follow

Nice pfp bro

💪 zer02hero Follow

254.421.81.132

🛐 a-righteous-man Follow

uhm,,,,this entire dashboard is rife with sin and degeneracy. Do you all have no shame?

🐐 esme-and-djali Follow

fiwruehfiuerhgiuerhughgeuyrhg

🐐 esme-and-djali Follow

Sorry that was Djali typing anyway OP literally tried to burn me at the stake for being Romani????

🛐 a-righteous-man Follow

And I would do it again to cleanse the world of your wickedness! You flaunt your heresy and expect us to applaud?

🐐 esme-and-djali Follow

how about you keep that energy when you look in the mirror? cause last i checked, your obsession with me wasn’t exactly “holy”

🛐 a-righteous-man Follow

You dare speak to me of obsession? I shall have you blocked and reported from this webbed site!

🐐 esme-and-djali Follow

lol ok

🛐 a-righteous-man Follow

DO NOT SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY! YOU SHALL ANSWER TO DIVINE JUDGMENT!

🐐 esme-and-djali Follow

frollo got termed lmao sucks to suck

🔥 officialhades Follow

that sucks, i was gonna invite him to my place for a BBQ

🔮 th3-gre4t-and-powerful Follow Why do I always wake up to the chaos of this dashboard? I need coffee and Kuzco's head on a platter.

🦙 realemperorkuzco Follow

tf is u doing ur really killing my groove here :(

🔮 th3-gre4t-and-powerful Follow

Get off of my dash.

🦙 realemperorkuzco Follow

u havent blocked me tho

🎢 pull-teh-lever Follow Uh, Yzma, are we still making spinach puffs for dinner? Asking for a friend.

🩶 bear-nessities Follow

Hi guys, this is my first post here! Good vibes only!

📖 milo-thatch Follow

Unfortunately, there appears to be a spelling error in your username. It is supposed to be "necessities."

🩶 bear-nessities Follow

🤓🤓🤓🤓

🏄🏾‍♀️ 0hana-means-family Follow

Guys, I have a theory: I think Baloo and Little John are the same person. I mean, have we ever seen them online at the same time?

🦊 stealfr0mtehrich Follow

You know, Little John did get termed recently....

🦊 g00dby3-may-seem-4ever Follow

Nice pfp

🦊 stealfr0mtehrich Follow

Thanks, I stole it from you

#oodelally

😴 br1arr0se Follow

🦁 a-mighty-king Follow

Um this is extremely offensive to people who have been put under sleeping spells??????

🍎 myprincecame Follow

Excuse me, Simba, but Aurora has been putting under a sleeping spell, as have I. Please don't spread negativity here :(

🍎 myprincecame Follow

plsushthepostistreu - Sleepy

🦁 a-mighty-king Follow

you know that by being sleepy, you're appropriating the culture of those who have been put under sleeping spells?????

🥖 one-jump-ahead Follow

so...just fuck being tired, I guess?

🍎 myprincecame Follow

Please no profanity on my posts, Aladdin :(

🎩 un81rthd4y Follow

anyone in this thread smoke weed

[kittencb97]

seventeen as actual things my boyfriend has said to me

seungcheol:

me: “*sigh.* yeosang<3”

him: “where. u with him rn?”

jeonghan:

“i hope u know that just bc you’re my lady friend, i’m not going easy on u when we play uno. i don’t fuck around with that”

joshua:

me: “one of my preschool boys just told me he thinks i’m beautiful. i’m actually genuinely crying”

him: “oh, but when THIS little boy says that, you tell him ‘no’. i see how it is”

jun:

(my cat had the zoomies but she was hidden behind the couch so we couldn’t actually see her)

me: “?? wtf is kitty doing”

him: “her taxes”

hoshi:

me: “what are you, nancy drew?”

him: “yea. by the way who is he?”

wonwoo:

*rolls over to talk to me but is still 100% asleep*

him: “what is it?”

me: “what is what?”

him: “no, what is it called?”

me: “what?-”

him: *getting irritated* “the name of the book, what is it”

woozi:

me: “babe guess my fart”

him: “i’d rather do literally anything else”

dk:

“you are just such an animal magnet…… that’s how you know you are a good person”

(🩷🩷🩷🩷)

mingyu:

*looking at the dairy queen menu together*

me: “what are you getting?”

him: “……hard.”

hao:

me: “there is a white elephant gift exchange at my work christmas party and my boss says u have to participate bc she knows ur stubborn”

him: “tell her that my presence alone will be a gift, and then shoot her some finger guns”

seungkwan:

me: “babe, who is your favorite avenger?”

him: “madonna”

vernon:

me: “i passed tf out watching emperors new groove. i even fell asleep before kronk could burn his spinach puffs. that’s how tired i was”

him: “good thing too. that part is tragic”

chan:

*him rambling telling me a story*

me: “oh i thought you said his name was cleetus. i was about to ask who tf cleetus is”

him: “don’t all females have cleetuses?”

[aftonfamilyvalues]

your spinach puffs will burn for this

[ask-carmenpondiego]

Good morning Gumshoes!!

I hope your day is a good one!! Just gonna share a bit whats on my little ol thief brain, knocking around..

The most surprisingly difficult thing, other than picking out what to have as the next target for my heists, is that figuring out the inbetweens of the heists and the major events in the story when retelling it. There is a lot that was not very eventful. Mostly slice of life and every day things then like months later major disaster that we need to scramble and overcome or else this high stake heist cant happen or something..

I’m currently working on chapter 7 and theres a spot of just… nothing. Might make a joke chapter of just that “the chapter where nothing happens for like almost a year” and just have them sitting watching tv and Carmen forgetting something burning in the oven “my spinach puffs!” Or some one mini paragraph of stupid.

You know, I think I’ll do that. Because that just kicked off the next story bit that will finally get into the good creamy center. The closer the story becomes more current, the tougher it is due to me still figuring out details. This will be fun!

[oldmessysoulsworld]

WHAT I EAT IN A DAY

12/12/22

DAY 3 / 15

Hi everyone i hope your day was good, here are my meals of the day, this day was a little harder than the first two, because I started doing sports again 1 hour of cardio this morning.

I'm grateful for this day and I will do more tomorrow than anything i did today 💟

I will have everything i want and doing everything i have to for creating new habits and finally live the life i deserve 🧠

BREAKFAST :

Black coffee ☕️ (0 Cals)

8 Almonds (56 Cals)

LUNCH :

2 Rice cakes (25 Cals / cake)

Cream cheese (40 Cals)

Green Tea with one Lemon in (19 Cals)

DINER :

2 Home Bread (50 Cals / Piece)

1 Spinach and cheese puff pastry (40 Cals)

200 ml Onion soup (69 Cals)

Herbal Tea (4 Cals)

half a cup of popcorn 🍿 (15 Cals)

TOTAL CALS : 393

WATER TOTAL : 2 L

TOTAL STEPS : 15042

CALS BURNED : 2473

[the-catboy-minyan]

english translation:

THIS IS A CURSED COMBINATION OF A BUREKAS AND A SAMBUSAK THAT WAS MADE FROM MY MOM'S JACHNUN DOUGH RECEPIE (filled with mushrooms/ spinach)

I swear this is edible 💀

Recepie for 12 abominations:

dough:

2 cups wheat/spelt flour (I used one cup white spelt and 1 cup white wheat, next time I'll try with whole spelt)

1/4 cup olive oil

1 teasoon of salt

140ml room temperature water

a bit of butter (can be switched for margarine (ew) or probably olive oil? butter just makes it taste better)

a clean surface to work on, like your kitchen counter.

for the fillings:

I'm not sharing the recepie cuz it's absolute dogshit you can google different burekas/ sambusak fillings they'd probably all work well

STEPS:

preheat the oven to 190°c

put the flour in a bowl and make a hole in the middle, dump the oil and the salt in it and start hand mixing, while slowly adding the water. mix until you get an even texture and there's no leftover flour on the edges of the bowl. the end result should be a slightly sticky, oily, and stretchy dough.

let the dough sit for 15 minutes while covered, after that oil up your hands a bit and mix it again for a few minutes, then let it rest for an hour.

while you wait you can work on your fillings, I'd recommend making a pizza filling because it's the absolute best but I went for something that will be kinder to my digestive system.

after an hour, divide the dough to 12 balls (could be more if you want smaller pastries, I'd probably go for half the size next time). let the balls sit for 15 minutes, preferably covered.

spread some butter on your kitchen counter and flop the ball on it, spread it out a bit in a circle, and add the filling over half the circle (if you're adding sauce spread it like you're making a pizza), then fold one half ot the dough over the filling and carefully pinch the edges.

this dough doesn't like sticking to itself because of the oil, so really make sure you're making it stick, I think flattening it with a fork would help but i didn't try, half my pastries opened up! (the dough keeps its shape though so it's not that critical)

optional: smear them with an egg and dump on them half a bucket of sesame seeds (/j). I didn't add an egg so the sesame seeds didn't stick, even tho I knew this would happen, I am a dumbass. you can also add poppy seeds or whatever else people add on these things.

put these fuckers in the oven for 20 minutes or until they're golden, I put it for 30 minutes and they were on the verge of burning at the top, keep an eye on them!

the end result should feel like a puff pastry but slightly thicker, a bit crispy.

congratulations!!! you just created an abomination of cultural dishes! enjoy 😍

ברוך הבא למבשלים עם נועם!

והיום: שילוב מקולל בין בורקס לסמבוסק שנוצר מבצק ג'חנון (במילוי פטריות/תרד)

נשבע שיצא לי טעים 💀

(אגב בתמונה יש מזלג כי אכלתי על הצלחת הזאת מקושקשת קודם, אני לא פסיכופת, לא אכלתי את הסמבוסק עם מזלג, אל תהרגו אותי)

המתכון (ל12 זוועות):

לבצק:

2 כוסות קמח חיטה/כוסמין (בתמונה עשיתי חצי חצי בין כוסמין לבן לחיטה לבנה, פעמים הבאות אעשה עם כוסמין מלא)

1/4 כוס שמן זית

140 מ"ל מים פושרים

כפית מלח

קצת חמאה פושרת בקערה

משטח עבודה נקי (שיש כאילו)

למילוי:

חפשו באינטרנט מילויי בורקס/סמבוסק, מה שהכנתי יצא זוועה אני לא משתף את זה 💀

תחממו את התנור מראש ל190°c.

שימו את הקמח בקערה, תעשו גומה כזה באמצע ותשפכו לבפנים את השמן והמלח, ותתחילו לערבב עם יד אחת, עם היד השנייה תשפכו לאט לאט את המים. תערבבו עד שיוצאת לכם תערובת אחידה טיפה דביקה ולא נשאר קמח בקצוות של הקערה. אני ממליץ להשאיר כוס עם טיפה קמח בצד למקרה שזה יוצא דביק מידי וצריך להוסיף.

תצפו את זה ותנו לזה לנוח 15 דקות, אחרי רבע שעה תלושו את זה עוד פעם לכמה דקות ותנו לזה לנוח שעה.

במהלך השעה הזאת אפשר לעבוד על המילויים לזוועות, הנה תמונה של המילוי פטריות והמילוי תרד שהכנתי (קחו בחשבון שזה מלא פטריות והכנתי שישאר לי אקסטרה, וגם נשפך לי מלא בזיליקום כי אני טמבל 💀)

לאחר שעה תחלקו את זה ל12 כדורים (אפשר אפילו יותר אם אתם רוצים לעשות אותם קטנים), ותנו לזה לנוח מכוסה לעוד 15 דקות. תוודאו שיש לכם מגש יותר גדול משלי כי הכדורים המזדיינים האלה יצאו אח''כ מזה גדולים.

אחרי 15 דקות, תשמנו את השיש עם קצת חמאה, תניחו עליו את הכדור, ותמתחו אותו שיהיה עיגול שטוח (לא מתוח מידי, הוא צריך להיות קצת עבה שהמילוי ישאר בתוכו)

תקחו כף של מילוי לבחירתכם ותניחו על חצי מהעיגול, תוודאו שיש טיפה רווח בקצוות.

קפלו את הבצק לחצי, תוודאו שאתם צובטים טוב טוב את הקצוות, אני ווידאתי את זה ועדיין חצי מהסמבורקסים האלה נפתחו לי. הבצק הזה לא אוהב להידבק לעצמו כי זה בצק ג'חנון שנועד שיהיו לו שכבות.

אחרי שסיימתם אפשר להבריש עליהם עם ביצה ולשפוך חצי דלי של שומשום עד שלא רואים בצק (חשוב מאוד!). אני לא שמתי ביצה והשומשום לא נדבק, למרות שחשבתי על זה, ואמרתי לעצמי על כל גרגיר "למה לא שמת ביצה. למה לא שמת ביצה." :)

תדחפו לתנור ל20 דקות או עד שמזהיב, בכל תנור זה כנראה יהיה אחרת אינלי שמץ.

אני שמתי 20 דקות וזה לא הזהיב, אז הוספתי עוד 10 דקות וזה טיפה התחיל להישרף, איזה יופי!

הנה שוב התמונה המוכנה, הבצק כל כך פאקינג טוב אני ממש לא ציפיתי לזה, אני טיפה מתחרט שלא נתתי לו להיות עבה יותר אפילו. נראלי פעם הבאה אני אנסה לחקות יותר בורקסים מאשר סמבוסק כדי שיהיה יותר קראנצ'י. תבלו!

אל תשכחו אח''כ לנקות את כל הכלים, כי יש הרבה.

[erikageiger]

Get To Know Me; Useless Info Edition

I was tagged by; @worldxwonders, thanks! :D

1.) What do you have under your bed?

Dust.

2.) Favorite candy? (be very specific about it)

Licorice. Any kind of Licorice but preferably the salty kind that doesn't have a ton of gelatin and isn't too sweet.

3.) Describe your favorite shirt.

It's a "Skyloft Knight Academy, class 2011" t-shirt, something I bought when I was deep into Legend of Zelda a couple of years ago. I love how it looks like a genuine college shirt (or at least, I think it does, haven't see many to compare it with).

4.) The last thing you drew/doodled was:

Well, it's technically done, but it's not time to share it yet, so I'll show a glimpse of the sketch.

(of course, you can see the whole sketch in the preview up in the right corner but yeah... just wait... maybe a week or so... maybe... got some ideas I wanna try out first.)

5.) Are you sober right now?

Yup.

6.) What's the one thing that annoys you more than anything?

Let's not get political... But no, really, I hate it when people treat lies as truth, or a very flawed theory as truth. They can see it as truth, fine, but when they start shoving it in people's faces like it's THE truth, I'm getting real mad. And to not go on a rant, I'll give a quick example: the evolution theory and the Bible don't go together. Because what the hell kind of god would take millions of years to make something and then have it written about like it only took a week?! Jesus turned water into wine in the blink of an eye, what could GOD do in a WEEK!?! (And don't get me started on the evolution theory, I'm real passionate about that battle.)

7.) Have you ever gotten your tongue stuck to a cold pole during the winter?

Nope. ...not that I remember. Pretty sure I was scared I'd get hurt if I did.

8.) If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?

The Creation Museum in Kentucky. Wanna see that real-life sized Ark, and their Christmas light show.

9.) What's the single last word you spoke?

"Crap!" because I almost burned my spinach puffs. :) (not homemade, I buy them frozen. Perfect for lunchbox!)

Well, that's all. As usual, I won't tag anyway because I don't know who to tag... but if you see this and want to do it... consider yourself tagged, I guess! :D

[candlecoo]

Shinso: you know what character you remind of from the emperor’s new groove

Midoriya: let me guess yzma

Shinso: no, kronk

Midoriya: why?

Ilda: Midoriya, I think your spinach puffs are burning

Midoriya: MY MAGICAL SPINACH PUFFS

Mage au

Ha!!!

[advernia]

WILL YOU STOP THEM?

ONE —

The oddest thing is how real each gaze feels - it has the sharpness that gives an uncomfortable pricking sensation, the poke that makes the hair on the back of your head stand up.

Then there's the whispers - the whispers! They keep it all wispy, the kind that brings to mind the ghosts hanging around the school premises. It is noisy in same odd manner it is not, loud in the same manner that it could be easily carried away by the winds.

"Oh dear, oh goodness gracious! Do you see that over there?"

"A diamond painted over his eye... Orange hair... Oh, is that him? The one that had dared to leave Lady Rosalia hanging?"

"My! To abandon an arrangement with a lady such as Madame Rosalia on such short notice! What a display of inconsideration!"

"And to think that the Madame was absolutely delighted to have some people to keep her company, if even just for an hour..."

"Hmph, what do you expect? This school is simply filled with boys, not gentlemen - you lot set your standards too high!"

"To ask that everyone of this school be a gentleman is quite the lofty standard. However... is it too much to ask for basic human courtesy?"

Ace listens to all this and more as he and Cater cross the corridor, the paintings hung up on the wall not letting up on their chatter as they passed.

"Wow," Ace says, snickering at Cater who seemed to hung his head low, away from a line of sight. "You're super popular today, Cater-senpai!"

TWO —

A tentative shake, a double take at the label. One last check to be safe: he pops the lid open, takes a sniff of the shaker. Jade tilts his head, brings a hand over his mouth.

Strange. Didn't he just restock this yesterday?

"For table thirteen!"

Jade instinctively draws himself closer to the counter, allowing one of the cooks to deliver a finished dish smoothly towards the service area. There's a light savory aroma that wafts when the chef passes by, along with something a touch robust.

"Are these the spinach puffs?" Deuce Spade's voice echoes into the kitchen, tone doubtful. "... Huh. Smells different."

Setting the shaker down on the counter, Jade lifts his head up to look at the overhead cabinets. If he was right, the stocks for the herbs and spices should be at...

"You try making 'em yourself, wise guy," the chef snaps back. "Followed everything to the letter - onions, dill, parsley, cilantro..."

... hold on now, wasn't that too much herbs?

"S-sorry, senpai... I wasn't questioning your cooking. It just smells different from how the other chefs made theirs, that's all."

Jade looks over to the serving area, to where the two anemones were talking.

"And I think your nose's all clogged up from serving food all day," the chef huffs, pushing the plate of spinach puffs off to Deuce. "That stuff's the real thing, so go on! I got other food to fix!"

So that's how it goes: Jade watches the two go their separate ways, one back to the cooking station and the other off to serve food to a waiting customer.

"Ah," Jade chuckles to himself, staring at the half-full parsley bottle in his hands. "Now I see."

THREE —

Forty yards away from the goal, and the opposing team decides to do this:

the one coming from his left side is literally rushing towards him, head lowered like a bull's and hands formed into tight fists around his sides.

the one behind him, trying to catch up to him - is mumbling some incantation. Based on how the air draws a bit thinner as he moves forward, it must be a wind spell of some sort.

the one running towards him, laughing like there's a damned party going on, has his arms extended like he's reaching out to perform a tackle. Looking closely, the nails of his fingers are all long and sharp.

So that's one aiming to take him down through brute force, the other attempting to hinder both his pace and breathing, and another more or less intending to injure him. Leona snorts, keeps running. The Magift disc is still a halo burning red atop his head, its floating state maintained by his magic.

Sevens, he wouldn't give a damn if all of them just charged at him at once, dirty tactics and all.

"All you mutts keep wasting my time."

FOUR —

There are core differences between the words I can't, I won't, and I will; and Trey Clover wears them on his sleeve, has them inscribed on the back of his hand.

I can't were the first words he wore when he had watched a young boy be kept away from the world by his own mother, I won't followed shortly after when that mother had threatened him with the biting edge of her tongue and the sharpness of her eyes. I will is a will half baked, a wish unfulfilled when he made his first strawberry tart but was never able to deliver it to his intended recipient, so there it just laid for years to fester. Forgotten.

Years later, he wears them again.

I can't for those times he chose to salvage a situation instead of directly addressing it, I won't for all those times he had watched the passed judgement of beheading.

How long has it been, has it been a year... no, two years already?

Have the words I can't and I won't formed his second skin now?

Even as he watched the young boy - that same young boy kept away by his own mother - drown in ink before his very eyes?

Where was his will?

1: no dupe lmao! here's everyone's context:

cater -> aww, i can explain! (see: cater school!uni card)

jade -> it seems that more training is required... (ch3)

leona -> seriously, is this the best you can do?

trey -> i have to go...! (ch1 overblot)

[simba-bonfamille-lyons]

@cruzzramirez

Simba was smiling. As much as one could smile when it was your father's birthday today and almost the anniversary of your father's death and you were trying to keep it together.

This was a very good thing that was happening, though. Simba couldn't help but smile. Even if his heart burned, thinking about how his father would want to be here for this. That he had to do it in his father's honor, instead of with him. But--that was the reality of it and the burn that Simba felt was one he'd felt for the last five years, at least. Bittersweet. Sometimes hard, sometimes lovely.

Either way, it kept his father alive. And this was just another way to do that.

Simba had invited the Ramirezes out to dinner to Chippamunka's. All three generations of them. His mum was there. Berlioz and Ashlee too. He had encouraged everyone to order their favourite milkshakes and had gotten two rounds of spinach puffs for the table. Everyone was ready to tuck in. Simba gestured for everyone to serve themselves, taking a large portion for himself.

"Thank you, Ramirezes for coming out! I am so glad you could come. I asked you here for a special reason, but how are you all doing first? Cruz, how's school?"

[outfit]

Ready, Set, Race /./ [Crumba]

[nyoomfruits]

nyoomfruits masterlist

miscellaneous

my drabbles

fic recs

fave art

—

fics

la douceur de l’été (lando/oscar, 34k, in progress)

“Alright, okay,” Lando says, slumping down a little theatrically. “So you’re all just going to leave me down here to rot.”

“No one is leaving you to rot,” George says, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, so, what, are you going to carry me up the mountain then?” Lando counters.

“I’m not going to-“ George starts, but gets cut off by Oscar.

“I can stay.”

--

you love me (but you don’t know it yet) (lando/oscar, 34,5k, completed)

When they get to the McLaren motorhome, his PR rep is already waiting for him in the doorway, arms crossed, eyebrows raised. “We would’ve preferred if you’d told us about your boyfriend beforehand, Lando,” she says, as they make their way inside, glancing at Oscar following behind them. “We could’ve had some contingency plans in place.”

“Well, I would have told you,” Lando says, “I just didn’t know he existed until like 20 minutes ago.”

--

ghost of you (charles/max, 3,5k, completed)

“All right, are you now finally ready to explain why four time world driver champion Charles Leclerc is currently in my living room?” Max says, as Charles towels off his hair.

Charles pauses, lets the towel fall into his lap, stares at Max with wide eyes. “I’m sorry, did you say four time?”

--

where i am going is right where i am (lando/oscar, 18k, completed)

Oscar, Lando likes to tell people, is a slow burn. Unremarkable at first. Almost a little boring. But then he wiggles your way into your life with his croissants and his soft little smiles and then one day you wake up and realize you would conquer worlds, slay dragons, eat spinach puffs, anything just to get him to look at you.

Max, on multiple occasions, has told him that’s a him problem and that not everyone experiences this around Oscar. Lando thinks Max is an idiot.

--

sink your teeth into me (lando/oscar, 5k, complete)

“Yeah,” Oscar says, shrugs. “Would be better if it wasn’t so fucking orange, though.”

“Oscar,” Lando tuts, heading for the door, back to his own driver’s room. “Where’s your team spirit.”

“Dead,” Oscar says, small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, gesturing at the orange coffin as if to say ‘get it?’.

--

love you with the lights on (lando/oscar, 28k, complete)

“I texted him,” Lando says. “He can’t have forgotten about me, I texted him, and he never texted back.” 

 Max shrugs. “Maybe he didn’t know what to say. After all, how do you tell your fuck buddy that you’ve accidentally gone out and acquired a baby?”

--

already home (lando/oscar, 32k, completed)

Lando takes a deep steadying breath. “I think I might be in love with Oscar.” He says, and hates how immediately when he says the words, he knows it’s true.

“Right,” Max says, nodding. “And?”

“What do you mean, ‘and?’” Lando says, a little outraged. “I can’t be in love with him! We’re married! This is like, a disaster waiting to happen!”

--

this feels like falling in love (charles/max, 3k, completed)

Five kisses throughout their lives, and the one that started it all.

--

thinking ‘bout your touch (oscar/lando, 2k, completed)

Lando’s brain gets so occupied by the thought it shouldn’t come as a surprise really, when a few rounds later Oscar says, “Dare.” Lando blurts out, “Let me suck your dick.”

There’s a long, awkward silence in which they just stare at each other, Oscar’s expression completely unreadable. “Uh,” he eventually says. “I think a dare is something I’m supposed to do.”

--

i’ve tasted blood (and i want more) (oscar/lando, 5,5k, completed)

Lando grabs a pillow and hits him with it, while Oscar laughs loudly. His fangs are on full display, white and sharp and pretty. “You know what I mean, you dickhead!”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Oscar says, eyes twinkling. “You want me to use you as a human Capri Sun. You know, like a weirdo.”

“God, you’re making this so much worse than it is,” Lando says, burying his face in his hands. It’s. Well, it’s embarrassing, but Oscar also hasn’t outright said no, so. You know what they say. In for a penny, in for a pound. “So, will you?” And then, just in case, he adds. “Suck my blood?”

--

purring in my lap (’cause he loves me) (oscar/lando, 5k, completed)

The cat thing ends up getting sort of explained in Bahrain, when Lando walks into his driver room and finds a small orange cat sitting on his couch.

Oscar’s cat, presumably.

And he kind of looks like Oscar, too. Slender, lean, and with a slightly grumpy, unimpressed expression on his face. It makes Lando laugh a little. Like owner, like pet, clearly. “Should I just call you Oscat, then,” Lando jokes, giving the cat a little head scratch.

The cat, Oscat, stops rubbing at Lando’s hand and just stares at him instead. Lando would almost say he was looking at him disapprovingly, but it is a cat, so he’s probably just imagining things.

—

glitch (charles/max, 26k+, completed)

Max hums. “Well, at least that means I won’t bump into Charles Leclerc again.”

“Bummer, really,” Daniel says, moving back to his own seat and drinking the little bit of coffee that was still in the cup. “Could’ve been the start of a great love story.”

Lando snorts. “Kids, it all started when I told your father, who had won two World Driver Championships at that point, that he sucked at driving.”

Max sticks his middle finger up at them, and pulls his noise canceling headphones back over his ears. Only two hours left to go, he thinks, wistfully, and goes back to work.

—

heart on your sleeve (charles/max, 5k, completed)

The thing about having a racing helmet that constantly displays your emotions for the whole world to see, is that you kind of get used to it after a while. These days Charles almost forgets it’s even a thing. Almost. But then he goes and falls in love.

—

you’ll be alright (charles/max, 19k+, completed)

Charles is not an idiot. He knows there’s a part of him that has been at least a little bit in love with Max for as long as they’ve known each other. But he’s always been able to shove it down. Burying it under rivalries and competitiveness until it was getting hard to differentiate between love and hate. And that had worked, for a really long time.

And then Max had to go and barge into his life and be really fucking cute with his baby.

—

silly me (to fall in love with you) (charles/max,18k+, completed)

“We’re not asking you to ‘woo’ him,” Christian says, looking pained at having to say the word ‘woo’, “We just need others to think you’ve wooed him.”

“I’m not following,” Max says, frowning.

“A PR relationship,” Poppy explains. “You pretend to date, making the public think you’re all happy and in love. Then you reap the benefits of being in a relationship without actually having to put in the effort or work.”

“Absolutely not,” Max says, crossing his arms over his chest. “That’s depressing, I’m not doing that.”

—

you can hear it in the silence (charles/max, 7k+, completed)

“Thanks,” Max eventually says. “For letting me crash.”

“Yeah, yeah, we should definitely do this again sometimes,” Charles says sarcastically, seeming to finally have woken up enough to actually get out of bed.

“No fucking way, once is enough,” Max says, because it sounds a lot better than ‘this is the best I’ve slept in ages and I think it might’ve been because you were next to me’. “Besides. You snore.”

Charles gasps and looks at Max. “I do not.”

He doesn’t. But the complete outrage on Charles’s face is too good to tell him the truth. “Oh, yeah, like a goddamn sawmill. Thought you were going to wake up the whole house.” Max says, and then laughs when Charles lets out an indignant squawk and launches a pillow at his face.

Or, the five times Max and Charles accidentally fall asleep together, and the one time they do it on purpose.

[froggie-recs-fics]

Hi! Could you rec some of your favorite Stucky fake dating fics? Thanks!

Of course!

Because of family/friends/ex:

Get Jingle With It by mambo (M, 40K, No Powers AU, Christmas)

Bucky stands alone in a room full of Steve’s coworkers wearing a light-up Hanukkah sweater and holding a plate of terrible spinach puffs. It’s Christmas Eve, and they’ve been snowed-in, stuck with Steve’s coworkers for nearly a week at their company retreat. Steve is flirting with an asshole across the room while Bucky watches one of Steve’s overly-familiar coworkers making his way over to him, probably to ask Bucky about his sex life for the fiftieth time since this week began. Why does everyone keep asking about Bucky’s sex life? Because everyone at this terrible party thinks that he and Steve are not only a couple, but the cutest couple at this whole shindig. And that apparently makes them feel entitled to all of the information about Bucky's private life that they can get.

They aren’t entitled, and he and Steve aren't a couple. But that doesn’t mean that Steve isn’t the love of Bucky’s life.

Bucky nibbles on the edge of the nasty spinach puff and nearly gags.

Worst. Christmas. Ever.

Karma's A Fake Orgasm by daisymondays (E, 51K, College/Uni AU, Pre-Serum Steve, Slow Burn)

There’s another abandoned mug, festering with mould in the living room — Steve offically has the world's worst roommates. And complains about them. Often. Bucky, tired of his lack of action, decides it’s time to avenge Steve's sleepless nights and unsanitary conditions once and for all. They’ll pretend to be the world’s most annoying couple: excessive PDA, loud fake sex, and general repugnance. The plan sounds easy enough; it will be strictly platonic. Or will it?

Captain Fantastic and the Pineapple King by buckyfuckybarnes (T, 30K, 5+1, No Powers AU, Disaster Steve)

Shit. She hadn't noticed him yet. Maybe he could turn and leave without them noticing – Sam would understand. Sam was the most empathetic person he knew. He wouldn’t scold Steve for coming home spice-less to avoid an awkward encounter with an ex. Surely. They drew closer. Fuck. Please don't notice me, please don't notice me, please don't notice me... "Steve?" Fuck. In which Steve is saved from his ex in a grocery store, Bucky Barnes is Way Too Chill about absolutely everything, and Sam has had enough of all of these goddamn pineapples in his fucking house. Or: The five times Steve received a pineapple (and one Piña Colada) and the one time he didn't

Because of a job:

Call Boy by L1av (E, 149K, No Powers AU, Escort Steve, Sexuality Crisis)

Bucky Barnes was skyrocketing through promotions at his advertising firm. Now, a partnership position is opening and if Bucky wants to see his name on the building, he needs to impress not only Mr. Tony Stark, but his wife Pepper. To do this, it takes a team, a couple to be exact. Bucky asks his ex-wife Natasha to set him up with the perfect girl, blonde, tall, thick thighs and huge tits, but with the personality that’ll get Pepper all smiles.

What Bucky gets? Tall, blonde, thick thighs…and a penis. Can this male escort pretend to not only be Bucky’s fiance but also impress Pepper enough to win Bucky the promotion? Is he going to impress Bucky enough to get him to sleep with him?

Steve loves working for his tip.

turn back into stars by crinklefries (T, 56K, Sports AU, Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn)

Their rivalry begins like this: they’re teenagers, skating the same circuits, competing in the same competitions. What happens is that they compete against each other for the novice boy’s title in the North Atlantic Regional Figure Skating Competition and they both somehow tie for first place. There are no ties in competition, but their scores are identical across the board.

Steve hates that Bucky took his win from him and Bucky hates that Steve thinks he won instead of tying, like the results said. The ensuing verbal scuffle had cemented what would come to be a slightly unhealthy long-term skating rivalry.

The intervening years don't help.

***

Perennial rivals since childhood, Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes face off against each other to achieve their Olympic figure skating dreams. But when bad luck and bad falls get in their way, Steve realizes there might only be one way to make it to Wakanda after all.

It's reckless and it's definitely incredibly stupid, but to win Olympic gold, these two enemies will need to come together as a pair--on the ice and off.

Songbird by chicklette (E, 70K, No Powers AU, Celebrity Bucky, Coming Out, Slow Burn)

At 43, James Barnes is a washed up old man. He’s got a dozen Grammys in the hall closet, an agent that can’t get him a deal, a decade-old case of writer’s block, a moody teen-aged daughter, and the gorgeous actress Natasha Romanova for an ex-wife. Well, one of them anyway. He’s a man who’s given up on finding joy in his life, and if it wasn’t for his kid, he’d have probably found a way to quit the world a long time ago.

Enter Steven Grant Rogers, struggling twenty-something, orphan, and someone who has no idea who Barnes is, other than some musician his mom liked a lot. The two men meet by accident, doing nothing more than passing the time in a quiet bar. But when a pap gets a shot of the two men embracing, Bucky takes it as a chance to finally come out as bisexual, and his agent makes him a proposition: Ten new songs and one very sweet boyfriend will get him a new record deal that will maybe, just maybe put him back on top.

Now all he has to do is write the songs, convince the kid, and not fall in love. Should be easy, right?

Marriage of convenience/Mutual benefit:

just say you do by biblionerd07 (T, 173K, No Powers AU, Slow Burn, Veteran Bucky, Pre-Serum Steve)

Steve just wanted a job. He wasn't expecting a marriage proposal. And he certainly wasn't expecting to accept.

Put On A Slow, Dumb Show For You by starclipped (T, 27K, No Powers AU, The Proposal AU, Enemies to Lovers)

James Buchanan Barnes is about to be deported. The only solution is to marry his assistant, Steve Rogers. It should be easy. It's not.

[The Proposal AU]

Anatomy of a Scandal by Rena (E, 31K, Regency AU, Pre-Serum Steve, Mutual Pining)

When Steve Rogers returns to Brooklyn, the marriage arranged for him having proven to be a sham, he is desperate; desperate to regain his footing in Society, desperate to secure a wealthy spouse capable of paying the costly treatments that keep his mother alive and settling his family's debts. But how is he to do that when people view him as nothing more than damaged goods, someone to be sneered at, ridiculed, looked down upon, or pitied at best?

An opportunity presents itself when Lord Barnes, the renowned carefree Casanova of Brooklyn, forgets himself during one night of drunken stupor, sending Steve a letter that flouts all laws of common decency. An agreement is soon made: in return for Steve's discretion, Lord Barnes will pretend to court him, taking him to the most fancy events of the season where Steve can be introduced to potential suitors. It all works out perfectly, until Steve comes to understand that Lord Barnes is not as pompous and self-absorbed as he believed....

You're the One That I Want by PR Zed (przed) (M, 53K, No Powers AU, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort)

"You don't have to worry about not having good health insurance," Bucky says. "I'll pay. Whatever your treatments cost, I'll pay it." He'd pay anything to save Steve.

"I can't let you do that," Steve says. "I can't let you drain your savings when we both know I'm going to die eventually anyway."

"Don't say that," Bucky says. This is a problem. He can solve problems. He solves problems at work all day. That's what he does.

And then it comes to him. The wonderful, horrible solution to this catastrophe.

"Let's get married," Bucky blurts out.

When Steve's heart starts failing, Bucky's gold standard Stark Industries health insurance gets Steve the treatment he needs. But Bucky finds that when you're secretly in love with your (maybe dying) best friend, things get a lot complicated, fast.

if i'm evil, still you're right beside me by lacunalady (E, CNTW, 105K, No Powers AU, Mob Boss Bucky, Nurse Steve)

“How can you say that?" Steve shudders, turning away. "I know the things you’re capable of. You’re not...a good person.”

There is a beat of silence after that. Steve is afraid for a moment that he’d angered a powerful man, one to whom he had his back turned. “You don't know me,” Bucky says finally, his voice very soft. "I can prove myself to you."

****

Steve Rogers didn't mean to stumble into mafia business that night--but stumble he did. After saving the life of infamous mob boss James Barnes, Steve finds himself trapped in a Brooklyn alleyway with a target on his back and nowhere to run. That is, of course, until Barnes offers him a deal; in return for saving his life, Barnes will offer him protection from Rumlow's retaliation. The twist? They have to convince the rival mob (and all of New York's juiciest tabloids) that they're madly in love.

It's a mission/they're (an) agent(s):

sometimes everything is touch and go by santanico (E, 14K, No Powers AU)

Bucky and Steve's mission is to infiltrate a suburban neighborhood as a married couple. In theory, it should be difficult, but it also kind of isn't.

Bucky hesitates. “It’s undercover. We’ve done undercover before.” He shrugs.

Steve laughs again. “This isn’t exactly the same as infiltration under the guise of being regular civilians. What is it again – what did Fury’s email say?” Steve pauses, tapping his chin with his index finger. “ ‘Mr. and Mr. Rogers are a couple who have recently moved into a neighborhood in northern Colorado. You are to maintain an image of high-standing and societal grace.’ That’s not exactly your scene, is it, Buck? Especially the part about being Mr. Rogers.”

Thirty-Eight Days and Counting by thecommodore_squid (orphan_account) (M, 40K, No Powers AU, Witness protection, Agent Steve)

It didn’t escape him that Steve shared his assumed last name. “Are you gonna be my cousin?” Bucky asked dully.

Steve frowned. “Husband, actually,” he said easily, holding up his left hand to show a typical golden band.

Bucky scowled and closed the door.

AKA An AU in which Bucky is put in the witness protection program and Steve is the agent hired to protect him/pretend to be his husband.

this city bleeds its aching heart (E, 34K, Post-Avengers, Unrequited Love)

The one where Steve and Bucky pose as a happily married couple while on a mission for SHIELD, to catch an international arms dealer hiding in a suburban neighbourhood.

[notbecauseofvictories]

Would you be willing to give an overview of your scallion gremolata and goat cheese tart recipe?

Absolutely! It's a recipe I came up with mostly by cobbling together other recipes, but was so, so delicious it deserves to be shared. The basic ingredients are:

Store-bought puff pastry

Log of goat cheese

The green parts of scallions/fresh parsley/basil/spinach/other slightly-bitter leaf

Olive Oil

Garlic

Lemon juice, chili flakes, tarragon, thyme, cilantro, etc.

First, make gremolata---it's Italian version of chimichurri, cousin to pesto, and delicious. Traditionally it's made with parsley, but I prefer scallion greens for that particular allium bite. To make it, put the greens, garlic, and a healthy share of olive oil food processor. Once you have a nice slurry, you can add lemon juice, chili flakes, any sort of herbs...I advise keeping a spoon nearby, take little tastes until you're satisfied.

Once the gremolata is ready, preheat the oven to 400 F. In the meantime, divide the log of goat cheese into silver dollar slices. They shouldn't be too thick--you want them warm and gooey before the puff pastry burns.

Once the oven is ready, arrange the puff pastry on a flat cookie sheet lined with parchment paper or foil (either will work!) Spread the gremolata like pizza sauce, leaving room for a "crust." Lay out the goat cheese slices in any pattern you like, though they shouldn't overlap.

Bake the whole thing until pastry is golden brown and cheese is gooey-warm. Though do let it cool off before taking a bite---I made the mistake of being too eager, and the gremolata burned the roof of my mouth something awful.

[lost-souls-system]

October

Summary: You both fell in in love in October.

A/N: This is inspired by the song "we fell in love in october" by girl in red!

Part 2

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Key:

Italic Bold orange = song lyrics "Quotation marks with Italic Bold orange" = Singing

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Warnings: Shit load of fluff, that's it. And slight vulgar language.

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Smoking cigarettes on the roof....

"Wanna puff?" I asked.

She nodded, taking the cigarette from my hands. She coughed a few times, but quickly recovered.

"You okay?" I asked concerned.

"Yeah, I am okay, baby." She smiled.

I smiled back watching the sunset, "It's very pretty isn't?"

"Yeah," she responded breathily.

You look so pretty and I love this view...

I turned to look at her. My breath hitched.

She is mesmerizing.

Every time I look at her just makes me fall harder for her.

We fell in love in October...

That's why, I love fall...

She turned to look at me and smiled, "You know that I can feel your staring, right?"

"Yep," I responded above a whisper, not breaking away from my trance.

Looking at the stars...

"And you do know that the view is up there and not here?" She asked again, giggling when I nodded in a trance like state.

Admiring from afar...

"Yep, but I like this view is better." I answered.

She giggled at my cheesy remark.

My girl, my girl, my girl...

"What you cooking baby?" I asked.

"Alfredo pasta!" She answered.

"Can I help?" She shook her head as a response for 'no'.

"Why not?" I whined.

"You almost burned the kitchen the last time I told you to boil water. Because how the fuck could you burn water?" She reasoned.

"I don't know myself either." I answered, rubbing the back of my neck.

"But you could chop some broccoli and spinach...." She passed me the chopping board and the steamed vegetables.

"And please don't chop your hands." She said, going back to check her sauce and pasta noodles.

You will be my girl...

My girl, my girl, my girl...

"Baby, wanna cuddle?" She asked.

"Okay.." I said, tired from my work.

"Come here," She wrapped her arms around me.

I sighed, her arms wrapped around me made me feel safe and relaxed. Before I know it, I was slowly drifting to sleep.

"Go to sleep, baby, I will be here when you wake up." With that I fell asleep.

------------------------------------------------

"You will be my world..." I sang to the lyrics.

"My world, my world, my world..." I reach out for her hand, bring her close to my body as we slowly danced to the song.

"You will be my girl..." We both shared a slow and passionate kiss.

------------------------------------------------

A/N: Finally finished! Damn this fic has been taking refuge in my drafts lately, but I am glad it's done. Hope you enjoyed!