#your fucking grocery store story is so important to you? like thats weird

[learningfromlosing]

Hey I have a mom trigger warning and if I see any of this shit on my dash I'm gonna be upset

If you're going to someone with a story, be conscious of the person you're talking to

Its not that hard and kind of talking 101

You had to pop off and make a meme destroying a very specific type of person

Fuck you, be nice

[possibilistfanfiction]

Sutton D Brady is an actual angel on this earth thats all i really have if you want to do something with that

[ok honestly this is like five times sutton accidentally is a third wheel on a date w kat & adena + one time she isn’t (she hangs out w kat as her best friend pls don’t be weird pls do not) lmao poor sutton but don’t worry its cute]

//

1

you don’t really realize that kat had invited you as a third wheel on this date until it’s too late. you had had a really slow day at the office and kat had made up some excuse for both of you to have to leave, which you don’t think oliver or jacqueline had really bought but it’s a beautiful day and you had been a little down that morning about richard—it comes and goes, who knows why you were sad today—anyway.

kat takes you out for a late lunch somewhere in north bedstuy that serves southern comfort food and when you ask her how she knew about it she just shrugged, smiled, got you a bottle of rosé to share. 

you’re definitely a little day drunk and feeling a lot better, because kat had made you laugh a lot with distracting dumb stories and reports from this focus group she’d had to run, and you walk to the C afterward so you can go to the piers and get ice cream, even though you’re so. full.

you’re almost at ample when you see who you’re 99% sure is adena from a distance, and kat grins, this huge smile lighting up her face.

it definitely is adena, who is in a pretty hijab and these killer flowy dark green pants, and kat gives her a quick kiss.

‘i was nearby at my friend’s office in dumbo,’ she explains. ‘i hope it’s okay?’

she genuinely says it like a question, like she would leave if you said no, and kat scoffs but adena looks to you.

‘it’s definitely okay,’ you say, and it is, because you want to spend more time with your best friend’s girlfriend; from what you can tell, kat is definitely in it for the long haul. ‘i’m glad we get to hang out.’

‘me too,’ adena says, and asks about your day. kat jumps in so you don’t have to tell her how you’re ditching work because you were a little upset and you could hug her for it, but she’s holding adena’s hand and they walk beside you, both paying complete attention to you, but their hands are linked and they’re quite literally the most beautiful couple you’ve ever seen, you’re pretty sure. it makes you ache a little more but adena buys you all ice cream and you sit at pier three in the gardens and the city is beautiful behind you; it’s quiet.

kat licks melting ice cream off of adena’s hand and it makes adena roll her eyes and it makes you laugh and you definitely realize this part of your day was absolutely a date.

but then, after you’ve finished your ice cream, adena leaves to go do some editing on a shoot she’d finished last week; she kisses kat goodbye and gives you a tight, heartfelt hug.

‘good to see you, sutton,’ she says.

‘yeah,’ you say, ‘you too.’

kat is a little stunned watching adena walk away, you think, from her wide eyes and dumb ass little smile.

‘i’m definitely falling in love,’ she says.

you laugh at your friend and she helps you up and then shoves you a little, cheeks turning pink. 

‘you’re absolutely already in love,’ you tell her, wrap your arm around her shoulders as you walk toward high street. 

‘yeah, i guess.’

‘you are.’ you bump her hip and she smiles. ‘it’s great though, kat.’

she lets out a deep breath and goes to hold your hand, but you swat it away. ‘i don’t know where that thing has been.’

‘i’ve washed my hands today, sutton.’

‘ah, so you have had sex.’

kat lifts a brow and strides off in front of you. ‘i like to start my mornings with cardio, what can i say?’

‘you’re terrible,’ you grumble, but it’s fond and you and kat fall asleep on your couch once you get home, trying to get through the staircase in like your fifth attempt.

you wake up to jane taking a series of pictures of the two of you and you groan and kat just burrows into the pillows.

‘she’s tired,’ you explain, ‘from her sex fest this morning.’

‘whatever,’ she says. ‘be jealous all you want.’

//

2

it’s very clearly a date to you this time about ten minutes in, even though this is the most ridiculous date ever.

all you had wanted to do was get bread, milk, eggs, and ginger beer from trader joe’s and you were already near downtown brooklyn anyway, because jane had some weird work drinks thing at kimoto and you could both just take the train back from hoyt. you had been at target with kat because it’s like the most pleasant dissociative episode ever, each time you’re there, and somehow adena finds the two of your in the middle of the home decor section, kisses kat hello and then manages to find the ugliest mirror you have ever seen in your life, which had made you both laugh.

you’d met jane in the grocery store and of course the line is long as shit, and kat and adena wander off to find halal chicken nuggets, apparently, and you and jane watch them with a synchronized sigh as the white dude with dreads in front of you fumbles with his kombucha.

‘did they just turn a grocery run into a date?’ you ask.

‘kat has been on a melodrama loop lately. you know, hard feelings.’

‘i honestly thought that was because of liability.’

jane waits a beat and then lets out a big laugh, a good laugh. ‘incredible,’ she says. ‘what a drag.’

you shrug. ‘what can i say? the library is open.’

kat and adena come back and kat says, ‘paris is burning,’ dramatically and with absolutely zero context.

they’re holding hands and have found the halal nuggets in dramatic fashion because the box adena’s holding is gigantic. 

‘we were reading you,’ jane says.

kat rolls her eyes. ‘about what?’ she asks. ‘i’m perfect.’

‘chaotic neutral big dick energy,’ you say.

kat grins and adena laughs.

‘that’s not a read,’ kat says, and you and jane have an unspoken agreement, you’re sure, to never tell kat about how you know she’s really terrified she’s going to fuck everything up with adena because you can see what sh’e listening to on spotify—blond and ctrl and melodrama, yikes—so you let her have it.

‘here, ms big dick energy,’ jane says, handing over the ginger beer which is admittedly a little heavy. ‘hold this.’

kat sighs and hefts it up like she’s doing a bicep curl only her arm shakes a little and it’s adena who laughs first.

you and jane grin and start laughing too and it’s not the worst date ever, you guess.

//

3

you’d definitely made plans to watch nanette with kat at 7 pm thursday night, because you’d seen it and you knew sacrificing your own tears a second time would be vital because kat’s really been through a lot of ‘identity politics,’ as jane calls them, the past few months, even though she acts like it doesn’t affect her very much.

you’re sure these were your plans because she’d put them into your phone herself, so you’re a little confused as to why she’s not answering her door and you’re holding a bottle of wine and a bag of truffle butter popcorn you’d stollen from a shoot earlier and it’s hot as shit in her hallway. 

when you try the door, though, it’s unlocked, thank god, even though you’re a little worried, so you go in.

you are, sadly but also hilariously, not surprised when you see kat completely naked in bed, her computer propped up next to her kind of clumsily, and her head shoots up in your direction and says, ‘shit, adena, i’m sorry, i gotta go,’ and slams her computer shut.

you start to laugh and she tries to wipe her hand on her sheets without you noticing and scrambles around to find a pair of underwear.

‘i’ve seen you naked, like, a thousand times,’ you say, getting out wine glasses, because you’d definitely just walked in on your best friend having facetime sex with her girlfriend but honestly you’re surprised it’s taken you this long at this point. ‘don’t hurry on my account.’

kat throws on a t-shirt and walks over to you, a little smirk on her face. ‘i lost track of time.’

‘you sure did.’

she laughs because you’re smiling and goes to grab a handful of popcorn.

‘are you kidding me?’

‘i’m hungry.’

‘wash your hands, kat.’

‘it was the other hand, i swear to god.’

you lift a brow and she grumbles but dutifully scrubs at her hands while keeping eye contact with you. the back of her hair is coming out of its bun and her cheeks are flushed and she dries her hands with a flourish. ‘happy now?’

‘not as happy as you.’

kat has the courtesy to blush even more. ‘adena’s been gone for two weeks shooting in indonesia—’

‘—oh, we know—’

‘—so i just, you know, missed her.’

‘gay.’

kat huffs. ‘i’m bi.’ she thinks to herself. ‘queer?’

you kiss her cheek, start to pour the wine. ‘i can’t believe i crashed a date when your girlfriend isn’t even in the country.’

kat takes the glass of wine you hand her and lifts it in a toast. ‘i’m sorry.’

you shrug. ‘don’t be. i’m glad you’re happy.’

you clink glasses. ‘me too.’

you sit down on her couch and she grabs popcorn and this time you don’t mind.

‘this is going to ruin your mood for sure, though.’

kat sighs. ‘so i’ve heard.’

you’re both crying by the end and kat burrows into your side, sniffling.

‘stay here tonight?’

‘buy me coffee in the morning,’ you say, even though you have a full outfit for tomorrow and all of your makeup in your bag anyway, because you know her.

‘breakfast too, even that disgusting sandwich with sausage if you want.’

‘deal.’

kat smiles a little and you go to get in her bed wearily before you remember exactly what activity she was doing earlier.

‘change the sheets first, kat.’

‘i’m so tired,’ she pouts.

you raise your brows.

‘so sad, sutton.’

you stand your ground and she rolls her eyes and stomps around but you help her change the sheets.

‘i love you,’ she says, once you’re both situated.

‘i love you too, kat.’

‘you’ve been, just, really important to me in all this, really good, you know that?’

‘yeah,’ you say. ‘i’m the best.’

/

you wake up to pee in the middle of the night and it’s like 2 am but kat is texting adena, you know, because she’s turned over in bed and there’s a little light radiating from her phone. you don’t say anything because you understand mostly but maybe a little you don’t, and she puts away her phone.

‘time difference,’ she says, and you know it’s about comfort and love but you let her have it.

‘tragic.’

‘she’ll be home in a few days.’

‘great,’ you say, ‘because i really don’t think facetime is fully doing it for you. you’ve been a tightly wound pain in the ass to all of your interns lately.’

you’re both a little delirious so you end up laughing and it’s warm and safe and you fall back asleep.

//

4

you’re walking back to kat’s apartment from chelsea, where you’d been to see adena’s latest gallery show—which was really stunning and featured your best friend, a lot, so you cannot wait to tease her later—and they’re holding hands and they keep kissing, light little kisses and it’s cute and really sweet and you love them a lot.

jane is talking about the paintings that were at the show too and it’s a beautiful night, a little chilly after a rainstorm, and it’s late, but there’s really no place you’d rather be.

it’s awesome and peaceful and sort of perfect until some random dude walks past the four of you, takes one look at kat and adena, and says a word that makes adena grit her teeth and jane stiffen and you’re absolutely positive kat is going to get into a fight when she turns around immediately.

‘what the fuck,’ she says, and you’ve seen kat angry and you’ve seen kat hurt and you’ve seen kat genuinely confused and this is all of those things at once, which is. not great.

adena tugs on her hand. ‘kat,’ she says, and from the immediate weariness in her voice you can tell this is certainly not the first time someone has called her a slur. it makes your heart ache and jane is so tiny but she’s already stepping between kat and the dude, and you do too.

he doesn’t seem fazed at all and says it again and you swear to god kat is about to lose her fucking mind and you feel furious too, but it’s not safe for any of you to get into an actual physical fight with this dude and you’re also really fucking terrified.

‘kat,’ you say, tug on her shoulder hard. her jaw clenches and she swallows and then says, ‘fuck you,’ at the dude and to your relief turns around.

adena takes her hand again but it’s not the same gentleness they’d had just a few seconds ago, because mostly she just pulls kat down the street quickly.

jane is absolutely your favorite person in the world because she stands her ground until you can tell they’re far enough down the block.

‘i’m going to call the police,’ jane says, her phone already on 911, all she has to do is press call. 

the guy narrows his eyes, looks at her brightly lit phone, and turns around, starts to walk away quickly.

‘oh my god,’ she says, puts her phone in her pocket and you hold her hand immediately because it is shaking.

you both take a few deep breaths and walk toward where kat and adena had gone, and you’re really not surprised when you see kat pacing back and forth around the next street corner, holding her phone in a white knuckled grip, while adena just stands calmly, quiet.

she sees the two of you and launches into a hug and she’s crying and shaking and it makes you really fucking sad and really fucking angry that her life is going to have shit like this in it.

none of you says anything and you go back to her apartment and open a really good bottle of whiskey her parents had gotten her for her birthday and you and jane busy yourself making sandwiches for everyone while kat and adena talk quietly in the corner.

you glance over and kat brushes some of adena’s hair behind her ear and adena rubs her hand under kat’s eye, wiping some tears. kat takes a deep breath and kisses adena deeply and you and jane wait for, like, a full minute before loudly announcing that you’re done with the sandwiches and would definitely like to do a shot.

it gets a laugh out of kat and adena smiles in thanks at the two of you and you get drunk watching every single hayley kiyoko music video on youtube.

/

the next day you and jane get to work before kat and the little rainbow flag fits perfectly in her mason jar of styluses—weirdo, but you let her have it—on her desk. 

you meet her in the lobby thirty minutes later and buy her coffee and you’d left late last night sufficiently drunk so you’re all hungover but you hug her tight and you and jane watch when she goes to her desk.

she smiles, soft and tender and big, and looks over to the two of you.

jane winks and you do finger guns and you hear kat laughing as you walk toward the fashion department.

//

5

you don’t realize that kat took you to a queer night at union pool until you’re there, but you honestly don’t mind at all because not one person has touched your ass or just assumed you wanted another drink.

kat and adena hang out with you long enough that you and kat finish two drinks and then kat’s eyes start drifting down to adena’s boobs and adena’s hand snakes around kat’s back and you laugh and tell them to go dance, that you’ll be fine.

and you definitely are totally fine, because someone super cute—reggie, you find out—comes up and sits next to you, buys you another drink after they’ve asked if you want one.

you’re verging on drunk but suddenly you remember some fucking soliloquy kat had gone on the other day after a queer panel jacqueline had had her speak on while you were all doing face masks before grey’s anatomy and so you ask, ‘hey, what are your pronouns?’

reggie smiles and says, ‘they/them,’ and you nod.

‘cool,’ you say. ‘she/her.’

distantly you think kat would be really proud but reggie smiles at you and asks if you want to dance and you try to find kat and adena for a second but you have no idea where they went off to, but you definitely do want to dance.

it’s fun and reggie is handsome and has braids that might be even better than kat’s—you’d never tell her because she wouldn’t talk to you for, like, a day probably—and tomboy by princess nokia comes on and it’s fun and you’re laughing and you’re sure your best friend is living her best fucking life because you have heard this song more times in the past two weeks from her spotify than you have in years.

reggie grins and it doesn’t feel odd at all to kiss them, because you’re dancing and it’s sexy and you’re having fun. you dance some more and go to the bar to get some water, eventually, and kat finds you there, her lipstick definitely more adena’s shade now than it was before they went off somewhere and adena is trying to fix her hijab.

they’re ridiculous and in love and kat grins at you while she closes your tab and you’re really fucking tired but you get reggie’s number before you head out with your friends.

‘who was that?’ adena asks, squished between the two of you in the back of a lyft but she’s resting her head on kat’s shoulder and they both look far too sated for having just danced.

‘reggie,’ you say. kat winks. ‘they’re cute.’

kat reaches across adena to give you a high five and then definitely performs a very clumsy and incredibly obvious boob graze on her girlfriend and they make eyes at each other and you clear your throat for posterity.

you don’t mind at all, though, really, not even a little bit.

//

1

shit with your mom has been fucked up and exhausting and dating is fun but kind of lonely, really, and it’s so nice outside but jane is knee deep in an article about neighborhood segregation and public school districts and you’re just.

a little achy.

kat texts you and asks if you want to go to prospect park for a picnic and you almost say no, because you fucking love adena but they’re so in love and so happy sometimes they just make your loneliness worse, even though that’s a shitty thing to think—they do.

but you say yes because you definitely need to not watch dark tourist all day and you get ready and are remarkably there on time even with delays on the Q.

you’re surprised when kat is waiting for you by herself, lounging on a bench near the market with sunglasses and an actual, honest to good book.

‘hey,’ you say, and she stands to give you a hug. ‘where’s your girlfriend.’

‘i don’t do everything with her,’ kat says. ‘but she’s at her office today. she got nominated for some big award and instead of wanting to celebrate she just went right back to work.’

‘ah, so that’s why you get along so well,’ you say, take off in the direction of your favorite bread stall. ‘workaholics.’

kat scoffs and pushes you but she doesn’t bother to argue.

‘so i’m second choice, then.’

you say it as a light joke and you don’t think that at all but you’re in A Mood and it comes out more serious than you intended.

‘what?’ kat says, grabs your arm and turns to face you, flicks her sunglasses up. ‘you’re never my second choice, sutton. i love you so fucking much.’

you sniffle and you hate that you’re going to cry all of a sudden and kat frowns and pulls you into a hug.

‘i’m sorry if i’ve ever made you feel otherwise.’

you shake your head into her shoulder and your, ‘you don’t, you haven’t,’ comes out a little muffled but you feel her nod so you know she heard.

‘okay.’

you sigh and back up and wipe under your eyes. kat still looks concerned so you shake your head. ‘just—stuff with babs, dating sucks, all of that.’

‘yeah.’ she heads toward the bread stall too, even though you hadn’t said anything.

‘do you want to talk about it?’ she picks out an olive oil and rosemary loaf and you really fucking love her. 

‘not right now,’ you say.

she nods. ‘well, i brought champagne.’

‘incredible.’

you buy cheese and fruit and walk to a place near the lake, lay out the blanket kat had brought, one she’d gotten in peru, which makes you grin because you know she’d thought of you and jane and your picnics when she’d found it.

she talks about her latest project at work and you lowkey want to inform her that she’s an influencer now but she’s a little arrogant enough already honestly so you just let her have this one. you make little sandwiches and you make her put sunscreen on even when she whines about it because the UV index is 10 today and jane would kill you both if you got sunburned.

you lay down and talk about music and the actual paper copy of a book she was reading and how she might want a tattoo and you pet like six dogs and eventually you sit up and grin.

‘this is wild, but we’re already on the Q so do you want to go to coney island?’

she laughs and shrugs. ‘why the hell not?’

you gather your stuff and she leans against you on the train, sundrunk and exhausted, and you’re both sweaty and not at all glamorous and this is exactly what you needed.

she patiently stands in line with you at nathan’s and only moderately complains about all the tourists, and you’re both in denim shorts but she stands with you in the ocean eating her hot dog and laughs when you take a boomerang and you walk back to the train eventually, so tired and much, much lighter than you’d felt this morning.

you ride together and are quiet, and it’s easy and you’re both way more grown up now, but you’ve been best friends for five years and you think you’re really fucking lucky.

she gets ready to get off at canal, before you at 14th, and gives you a weirdly positioned hug—you’re still sitting and she’s stood up—and it makes you both laugh.

‘that was the best day,’ she says. ‘thanks.’

‘have fun celebrating tonight.’

‘are you kidding? i’m so tired i’m just going to watch dark tourist and go to sleep.’

you laugh. ‘love me some good problematic binge watching.’

kat grins. ‘always.’

the train comes to a stop and she waves. ‘love you, sutton.’

‘love you too, kat.’

[totallyrealhoroscopesdaily]

12/14/2017 Horoscope

Aries: You like Death, he’s a funny friend. That is not a sentence you ever thought you’d say. You see one of the shadow people on a far corner. You wave and look insane, but then who isn’t a bit crazy?

Taurus: Someone recognized you. They weren’t human. You knew what they were the second they arrived and they knew what you were. The recognition was instant and instinctual. They walked up to you, commented on how strange you are. You stood silent, staring. They told you to get out of their domain, you nodded. You turned and left in opposite directions.

Gemini:You manage to get appointed a tutor in the language of birds. It’s less helpful than you’d think, because the tutor speaks bird and dolphin, which is a weird twist, but not English. Or any other human language. Also, what few books have been given to you, by a sparrow you think was bowing but it was hard to tell, are written in chicken scratch and are basically unreadable.

Cancer: Ridali fucking adores the Christmas lights. You meant to just take him to this showcase downtown, but you end up looking at every single light in the damn city. Objectively, thats pretty impressive, but after Ridali dragging you over to every tone-deaf caroler, half-assed store display, and fake santa in a twenty mile radius, you’re about ready to start shouting “Bah humbug!” You restrain yourself, just barely, because Ridali looks like he’s having the time of his life and your stupid, stupid heart isn’t dead enough to ruin it for him. 

Leo: You brought the not-a-dog with you and the foot, today. It apparently caught on to the competitive atmosphere and starting doing various tricks. You grinned, sharp and fierce, over at her scowling face in triumph as people flocked around you.

Virgo: Your house is so quiet. You should do your research. Research is important in finding a therapist. You can’t find the energy, today.

Libra: So, you’ve asked the Brownies if they’d help you make some special candy. Gus will come out later tonight and be very suspicious of what you mean by “special” candy. You’ll assure him that its just apology candy. He’ll say that it’s okay then, give them whatever recipe you have in mind or just some ingredients and they’ll get to work. You’ll have to explain that no, you don’t want them to make it, you want to make it, since its an apology and its a bit worthless unless you make it yourself, but you don’t trust yourself not to burn down your kitchen if you’re left unsupervised again. Gus will notice the again and tactfully not mention it, though he will pause for a second to let that word sink in. Then he’ll agree to help you, even though this is very unorthodox.

Scorpio: You’re allowed to say no, you know? ...You do know that, right? Oh, little one.

Sagittarius: Guy somehow produces some spell books. You have no idea where from. You’re partially convinced he pulled them out of his ass, because what the actual fuck. That, however, is less surprising than the fact that apparently Bobby, of all people, can actually read and use the fucking things. He cracks one open, starts flipping through, and casually asks if you guys think this is more cosmic joke or unattended magic, though it could be a curse, but it doesn’t seem specific enough in it’s target for that. After a beat of silence, he looks up at your stunned faces and you can see the realization steal across his face that you all have no idea what he’s talking about. There’s an awkward moment, then he matter-of-factly justifies his knowledge by saying he’s been through a lot of hazings and they usually involve some incantation and they go wrong more often than not. This is a survival skill for him, by this point, you can leave it to him.

Capricorn: Aiden keeps his stuff in his duffel. His room has a dresser, but he doesn’t use it. You can’t help being reminded of times past when you kept your belongings packed and ready in foreign lands in case you had to flee, as according to script. You don’t like the parallel. 

Aquarius: You complain to Suzy, the gym owner, about your back. It’s probably the most you’ve said to her in one sitting. She says that maybe your mattress is bad. She tells a story about how her cousin’s mattress got old and ended up with a huge hole in the center, it was apparently almost as bad as sleeping on the floor. You stay quiet. She offers to help you look for a new one if you need it. You accept.

Pisces: You walk through the town, today. You needed some groceries you couldn’t make yourself. People stare, then try to look like they weren’t staring. Don’t pay them any mind, daughter dear. They are bundled up in coats and scarves, while your dress is light and your shawl, the shawl, is see through. Your feet are bare. You do not feel the cold, you wear the warmth of spring. They step out of your way as you pass.

[musicmushi]

hmmm harvest fog spice and maize for the ask thing!

harvest - what fictional character do you most identify with? Why? 

*deepest sigh* I can hardly between my children! But okay I think it’s pretty safe to say that I most identify with Aradia Megido like I always had this idea that if I were to remake homestuck scenarios to fit real world logic, I’d basically make have the easiest time with Aradia’s story. Her life, death, robot, life again arc really speaks to me and the moment when she smiles and is like ‘I’m very much alive and I intend to stay that way!’ is the realest shit to me! I could really go on forever how I feel connected with my spoopy ram child. Also the whole ghost and occult thing is so full of YES! (Also also I really relate to Tavros but he’s more of a inspiration for me)

fog - how well do you think you’d do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?

I believe that you’re really only as good as the team you surround yourself with. Which I mean to say that singular skillsets are indeed important but like with all apocalyptic scenarios, the best way through it is team work and trust. That being said I will probably either be the last bitten or the first. I would make a decent lookout but not much more. 

spice - have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?

Yes I lived in an old farmhouse that was suspected of being haunted by some previous owner and one time when we were trying to make the place livable before officially moving in, my step-dad was fixing the electricity in the attic and my mom and one of the workers heard an awful blood curdling scream come from the attic. My mom freaked out thinking my step-dad got electrocuted but when they rand over to check on him he was completely fine (unfortunately) and really confused as to what my mom was freaking out over having not heard a single thing before my mom and the worker barged in to check.

maize - share the weirdest encounter you’ve had with a stranger on the street.

Well this isn’t technically the street but considering what happened it might as well have been. But first just so I keep in line with the rules, the strangest thing I ever had happen to me dealing with street strangers is I’ve had multiple guys stop me while I’d be walking around my old city and they’d ask me if I had a boyfriend or try to request sexual favors or something. I’d just be like ‘please just let me walk home from the grocery store in peace’

OKAY now for a specific story! 

So while I was living at this same city, I would pass the time with walking around for blocks just listening to my music and minding my own business. I decided to do this early one day when it was like...the ending edge of a sunrise and I walked around till like...11 or 12 noon or something and I decided to stop at the library to take a breather and kick myself for not eating beforehand. 

So I’m sitting in the library just taking in the quiet and relax before I plan to set out for home again and there’s this guy that’s sitting across from me and he’s like ‘sup’ and I’m just like ‘hey’ because I don’t wanna be rude and ignore a simple greeting. 

Anyway, he starts doin the small talk thing like askin things like ‘hows it goin’ and simple stuff and I’m a friendly person so I’m answering casually and just bein myself and he tells me he’s an artist that does commissions and I was like ‘oh cool!’ because it is cool and I’m always happy to hear that there’s artists in this freakin state I live in. SO he pulls out his phone and sketchbook and he’s showin me his portfolio basically and everythings cool for a little bit until he starts typing in his phone and I’m thinkin ‘oh he’s obviously texting someone right now’ like the small talk session is over and he doesn’t wanna talk to me anymore like okay cool whatever. 

But then he waves me over to show me his phone.

He shows me what he typed and it was something like ‘what would you say if I asked you to have sex with me?’ and I start fuckin panicking internally because wow NO! I’m immediately made uncomfortable and I want this exchange to end but I don’t wanna be rude or jumpy or anything so I just look at him and laugh awkwardly like ‘haha you’re so funny no of course I don’t wanna have sex with you! I dont even know your name! Get the fuck out of here!’ (I didnt actually say that though) 

So I laugh at this and then he laughs which feels like a relief to me like ‘oh thank god he was just joking okay’ so the topic drops for a little bit and I kinda wanna go home now but I can’t just excuse myself because I don’t wanna be rude or anything. He waves me over again for me to read another text thing on his phone. It was another sex proposition and he was like ‘yeah but no for real though’ to which I reply with confusion and a polite and awkward ‘no thanks thats okay’ and the topic drops and I’m thinkin that I wanna go home NOW!

Well I don’t know how this happened but I somehow agreed to walk with him to some batting range or something because he wanted to hit some baseballs and eat from the concessions stand thing they have there I guess and I was like super hungry so I was like ‘eh food okay’ and I didn’t want to upset this guy or have him stalk me to my house or anything so I just go along. He leads me out of the library (after I tried to sneak out ahead of him and he was like ‘aw cmon I dont bite you dont have to be scared’ which just scares me even more but OKAY) 

So anyway he leads me out and we walk to the range and we start talking about movies or rather he goes on about his favorite movie and I kinda nod and let him go on and during this I let out that I really like voices and voice actors and he’s all ‘I can do a really good stitch impression!’ and I was like ‘oh really thats cool’ and he does it and I’m just like ‘yep that sure is a stitch impression’ and in my head I’m praying that he didn’t just spring that on me to like impress me or woo me or something. So some more conversation happens and he brings up what he had me read earlier and I’m like ‘yeah I don’t get what your deal is like why would you ask me that? I’m all fat and sweaty and gross and I look like a homeless person’ and he scoffs and is like ‘ya know I really hate when girls talk about themselves like that. If I weren’t so sure you’d probably hit me, I’d kiss you right now to prove you’re pretty’

!!!! BEEP BEEP BEEP THIS IS YOUR MENTAL WARNING GO THE FUCK HOME NOW!!! BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!!

At least that’s what went off in my head when he said that. But I didn’t listen because I was now alone with this guy walking on the side of a single road to a place I’ve never seen before. Not the smartest thing I’ve ever caught myself up in. So I really don’t wanna end up on this guy’s bad side because I have no idea what he’s capable of or willing to do if I make him upset. I laugh at this thing like ‘oh haha that’s weird okay yeah no don’t do it’. So the topic is officially dropped, the batting range is closed so we decide to walk back to a gas station on the way back to the city square. As we approach the gas station he asks me if I have a boyfriend and I kinda panic and I’m like ‘yeah! uh he’s out of state though’ and he’s like ‘oh! That explains it! Ya know you’d be more fun if you only got fucked more often’

What????!!!! WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???!!!! Can someone please explain this? Because I still don’t get it.

Again I don’t say anything I just sorta laugh awkwardly and the whole time I’m stickin with this guy because I don’t wanna be rude or mean or anything and I dont wanna upset the dude both out of fear and a weird sense of courtesy. So after that mess we go inside the dang place and he asks me if I ever had faygo before. My brain is so full of what at this point I’m somewhat convinced that I’ve been creeped on by fuckin Gamzee Makara at this point. I mean not really but you get my point of thought process here. I tell him ‘yeah I like it okay’ and he then tells me that he’s a juggalo and asks me if I’m a fan of ICP

!!!! Hhhhhh what the fuck did I get myself into??

I say no and I mention that it all just ‘reminds me of a webcomic I like because there’s a juggalo that likes faygo a lot and you should check it out you’d like him a lot’ and I tell the guy the name and he’s like ‘cool’ and so we get to the faygo and I’m lookin at the choices trying to decide on a flavor and the guy just fuckin grabs a random-ass bottle from the fridge thing and is like ‘here youll like it’ and I’m just like ‘okay whatever’ and I pay for the whole thing including some cigarettes that he wanted because I’m so nice or rather because I’m a scared little pushover that just wants a decent transaction and nothing bad to happen.

So after all that and some more idiocy from the guy I’m finally able to get away from him and back home without him knowing where I live and I told my mom as soon as I entered my house and she thought I was being overly paranoid and that this guy coulda been really cute or something. I decided to stay inside a lot more often after that and I never ran into him again.

The key problem I had was a fear of being told that I was being a bitch or something so I never said anything when things actually scared or worried me. I just went along with the uncomfortable words in the hopes that it was all just some joke and I wouldn’t get hurt. Maybe I was being paranoid jumping to the worst conclusions but thank god nothing physical happened. I can’t help but wonder what woulda happened if I was more firm from the beginning...I probably woulda gone home a lot sooner and avoided the story I told you. I shouldn’t have been so scared to be ‘rude’ because its not rude but I don’t like people telling me I’m being rude or selfish so I end up being a pushover. Don’t be afraid to be ‘rude’ when things bother you. I mean don’t be a destructive bitch or anything but polite assertiveness and a firm ‘no’ is not rude. Don’t do what I did.

[astoria-moon]

DragCon 2017 Tips!!

Ok y'all so DragCon 2017 LA was my FIRST DragCon and here's some things I picked up and that I think could be helpful? Maybe idk, GOODLUCK BARBRA!! • it's okay to go alone!! I DID!! SERIOUSLY. I flew alone, I stayed in a 2 bedroom hotel (don't ask) I took cars alone and there were moments where I was fully alone... but honestly you meet people there you do. When I was waiting for the door to open on the first day, this girl and I struck up a conversation and then her friend joined in and BOOM we spent the WHOLE day going around to booth and keeping each other company we even had another guy (who went alone) join our little "group". Long story short- if you're going alone, don't worry, and don't be afraid to talk to some people and make some friends. • DONT WEAR HEELS. Ahhh!! I wore heels during preview night and it was the biggest mistake of my life. The floors are concrete, it's a big venue, and there's a lot of walking/standing (plus there are stairs). Even in flats your feet will hurt, but imagine 8 hours. 8 HOURS. Of walking in your heels. When even the queens aren't wearing heels. You'll look good but I doubt anyone will be looking at your shoes 80% of the time. •GET VIP- if possible get VIP. I got VIP and it was SO worth it. We got a 2 hour preview night on Friday which was basically all the booths with barley any lines and people still setting up, and a lot of queens were there out of drag (example: Farrah, Sasha, Shea, Aja, Trixie was there in full drag) and then on Saturday and Sunday we got to go into the venue 30 minutes before everyone else so we got to get a head start at the lines which helped A LOT. (I.E. Adore - Valentina- Violet- Alyssa etc) it's worth it. If you can get your hands on one... grab it, if not it's literally not that big of a deal were all doing the same thing. •Don't go to Panels- they were so unorganized and honestly they were a mad house. On the first day people were lining up at the escalator for the UHNNN panel which I thought was the dumbest thing because it was the opening day WHY WOULD YOU WAIT TO GET A SEAT AT A PANEL THATS GOING TO BE ON YOUTUBE TOMORROW. (no judgment just saying don't @ me) also it was 105 degrees up there and it was a very small room. Just go and live it up and the watch or the next day and truly enjoy it and not die from heatstroke or a riot. •Some of the lines are 2+ hours long! Sasha / Violet / HELL ALYSSA EDWARDS' LINE WAS LIKE 3-4 HOURS LONG. Ok but yeah, some of the lines are really long- sometimes they take breaks in between to go to the bathroom or to eat something real quick... BE PATIENT. Seriously. They are sitting, standing, laying, whatever for 8 hours talking to 4,000+ people let them have a second to take a breather or if they are just taking their time with fans LET THEM. You want that special moment too. You never know what it could mean to someone. •SOME WILL CHARGE FOR A "M&G"- Its a "CON" this is how money is made. Did you know those booths are 800 dollars AT LEAST If they don't charge for the small things they don't make a profit. And you have to remember- this is their job- this is how they pay RENT, FOOD, HOW THEY PAY FOR DRAG. Just shut up and pay the 5 bucks and take a bomb ass picture and get all your cool stuff signed. ( not everyone charges but some do) •Bring small bills- $5 $10 are really easy , especially for the m&g charging, use your $20 on merch like t-shirts and stuff like that. TRY NOT TO BRING $100 Because that takes all their change and then screws everyone else over. (Or they might not even take it) •Credit Cards- OK THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT. BEFORE YOU GO TO DRAGCON CALL YOUR CREDIT CARD COMPANY AND TELL THEM YOU ARE GOING (ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE TO FLY TO LA) BECAUSE So I flew to LA. And I tried to check into my hotel and the card was declined and I was like um WTF?! And so I found out they thought I stole my dads credit card and ran away (even though I'm a god damn adult) SO after that was settled during DragCon my friend from was trying to buy a wig from Wigs and Grace and his card was declined too and he called and they thought his card was stolen BECAUSE OF ALL THE STRANGE CHARGES. So just let them know what's going on just so no bullshit happens. • WALK WAYS- If there is a walk way... USE IT. They create specific paths for people to walk don't be the jerk that tries to squeeze through a meet and greet line when the walk way is literally 2 steps away. I mean. •TRAVELERS- always bring the bigger bag!! BUT be careful when you buy things. Whatever you buy you have to bring back, and when you bring a big bag, it's going to have to be checked, so carefully pack whatever you buy in case it's breakable or bendable you don't want to ruin something you spent your money on/something you care about before you get a chance to fully experience it. •BAGS- I brought a backpack and that I thought was the best option because I could zip it up and I could distribute the weight evenly instead of carrying one bag on one arm and continuously switching. And then I carried my wallet and a small plastic bag on one wrist. The only thing that sucked is when you have to take all of it off (some of the queens want you too) and then you have to try and put it all back on quickly, like at the grocery store when the person gives you the change and receipt and you try to shove it in your wallet while walking so the person behind doesn't judge you. It's kinda like that. But I say bring a backpack. •Bring Water and a Granola bar- BRING SOMETHING. They dont check bags (which I found very weird) but there was a girl in line for Violet and she had a bottle of wine in a Starbucks cup. If you want to see all the people you want to see you're not going to have to to stop and have a full meal so throw a bottle of water in your bag and a fiber one bar or a sandwich or WHATEVER tickles you and you'll be good. You're going to be waiting in lines anyway. Take a second and don't pass out if you're that kind of person. • SIT DOWN. Literally. If you're waiting in a 2 hour line sit the fuck down. We know your feet and back hurt. If the queen isn't there... SIT DOWN. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE STANDING. If no one else is sitting, sit first I guarantee that people will follow seconds later. You have to take those opportunities. They matter. • SAVE MY SPOT? Again if your stuck in a two hour line and the queen isn't there use that opportunity to meet other queens, do it one at a time though, if your with a group take shifts, if your alone ask the people around you ( try to befriend them first) if not say "will you save my spot real quick" I DOUBT THEY WILL BE LIKE NO *hiss* and go to a queen with a short line when you come back tell the people around you "hey ____ has a really short line right now if you want to go meet them real quick I'll save your spot" BE SMART •GAME PLAN- go in with a game plan. "I'm going to see 1 2 3 this day and X Y Z tomorrow" at least go in with a solid " I HAVE TO MEET THESE PEOPLE" and get those done and then who ever else you meet will just fall in line, and you can always go into someone's line more than once, which is great. was DragCon overwhelming YEAH. but honestly it was one of the realest things you could ever imagine. So much drag- love- art- passion in one place. You can't get anything like it.

[bronzeflower]

Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Also on ao3

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Chapter 7: Literary Device Kingdoms

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

TG: roooooooose TG: rose TG: rose TG: are you there

TT: Yes, Dave, I am here. TT: And it seems like you have adapted John’s penchant for using eight letters at a time for emphasis on various words.

TG: what really TG: goddamn it

TT: Yes, this appears to be a despicable habit that we must rid you of.

TG: please do TG: i dont want a total of eight letters exactly all the time to haunt me for the rest of my life TG: but that isnt what i came here to talk about

TT: Did you perhaps pester me to inform me of your previous conversation with Karkat?

TG: hell yeah i did

TT: I only assumed because that is what you were bugging me about previously.

TG: that is a pretty good assumption to make TG: anyway the conversation i had with karkat was really nice TG: hes a lot shoutier over text than voice TG: he types in all caps like holy shit TG: so angry TG: does some long ass metaphors TG: im still the best at them but karkat may be shooting for my place on the throne TG: make a note to watch out for that

TT: It has been noted.

TG: thank you for that rose TG: best goddamned advisor i ever had TG: i trust you completely TG: wow i sound like one of those kings that trust their shitty and evil advisor without a single thought that their advisor could potentially want to overthrow them TG: are you going to take over my kingdom rose

TT: I have no interest in ruling the Kingdom of Metaphors. TT: I am perfectly happy here in my “Palace of Prose.”

TG: thank fucking god TG: i dont think i could handle a rebellion TG: shits dangerous you know TG: do each of us get a literary device kingdom TG: if i have the kingdom of metaphors and you get the palace of prose TG: which is an awesome name btw TG: like is john the king of hyperbole TG: or jade the queen of personification TG: do they get kingdoms TG: are they opposing kingdoms TG: or are they all good friends and shit TG: does every single literary device get a kingdom or is only major ones TG: these are important questions here rose

TT: I’m not sure if John would be suited to the role of ruling over the hyperbole commonwealth. TT: I’m certain he would need to have some sort of training first. TT: He would need to become the heir to the kingdom. TT: Or he should rule over some other literary device.

TG: that makes me wonder what literary device he would rule over TG: hold up let me pull up a list TG: holy shit there are a lot of literary devices TG: i dont know what half this stuff is TG: shit ton of different types of irony TG: what the fuck is a zeugma

TT: A zeugma is a literary device that is both literal and metaphorical. TT: For example, “they covered themselves in dust and glory.”

TG: thats actually pretty cool

TT: Quite.

TG: what were we even talking about before all this literary device nonsense.

TT: I believe you were talking about the conversation you shared with Karkat.

TG: oh yeah TG: but yeah hes super long winded and his metaphors are actual works of art TG: he was actually the guy who wrote the top quality hate mail i received

TT: Really?

TG: yeah really isnt that fucking fantastic TG: you wouldnt have expected it if you were just talking to him in real life TG: but over messaging holy shit TG: absolutely glorious TG: he should really do something with that talent TG: write a fucking novel or some shit

TT: I would never have expected Karkat to be so…

TG: angry TG: long winded TG: creative with his words

TT: Yes. TT: He always seems so nice and professional. TT: Then again, I’ve only ever seen him at work, so I suppose I don’t exactly have the most accurate idea of what his personality is actually like.

TG: you also just spend your time flirting with kanaya

TT: The flirting is consensual.

TG: what are you two dating now

TT: Yes, actually.

TG: holy shit TG: did you go on a date TG: is that why you couldnt respond to my message TG: i need a brief overview of what happened stat

TT: Nothing much, really. TT: All we did was go out to lunch and walk around the park for a little while. TT: It was nice.

TG: that sounds like a fantastic date TG: very casual like a first date should be

TT: Agreed.

TG: anyway how are you doing TG: done anything interesting lately TG: something other than writing your book TG: which one are you on anyway TG: like the fifth or something or other TG: you just have a large fucking amount of books that you have written TG: and you go into these modes where you dont talk to anyone unless its the cashier at the grocery store

TT: I require food to survive, Dave. TT: But, yes, I have done something interesting lately. TT: Instead of writing a book, I opted for reading something.

TG: what really TG: what are you reading TG: actually i dont think i want to know TG: knowing you its probably something weird with a shit ton of monsters and stuff TG: not really something im interested in

TT: It's actually a novel that Kanaya recommended to me. TT: It's very interesting.

TG: well i guess if its not about monsters eating each other or a huge ass monster talking above a whisper that murders everyone its fine TG: lay it on me

TT: It's actually a series of books. TT: I'm only on the first one so far, but it holds a certain amount of charm to it.

TG: well youre going to have to do more than just tell me that the book has a certain kind of charm TG: you might want to actually tell me about the book

TT: Well, it's about a young girl who is being sent to finishing school by her family in order to become a lady. TT: However, the finishing school she is being sent to is not a normal finishing school. TT: It teaches a finishing of a different kind. TT: That is to say, it teaches young ladies to assassinate people as well as gather information.

TG: holy shit TG: that was not the direction i was expecting that to go

TT: I would recommend the book series to you. TT: You often like stories with a steampunk theme to them, and Kanaya stated that Etiquette and Espionage is a must read book for all those who love the steampunk genre.

TG: i do have to say TG: i am a little bit interested in reading the book TG: i might just go to the bookstore and buy it

TT: I knew you would be curious about it.

TG: yeah well im interested because you said there was a steampunk theme to it TG: but why were you interested in it TG: you typically go for the lovecraftian horror stories TG: god those are so fucking creepy TG: i have no earthly clue why you enjoy reading them so much TG: i personally cant stand reading those TG: ignore my tangent and answer my question instead

TT: I don't know, Dave. TT: Your tangents are awfully fun to analyze.

TG: goddamn it rose TG: youre an author not a fucking therapist TG: regardless of what your chumhandle says TG: anyway i know kanaya recommended it to you but what actually made you interested in the book

TT: I have always had a certain interest in fashion and such, particularly Victorian fashion. TT: I also enjoy the humor in the novel. TT: It is very deadpan, and it is enjoyable to read that someone wants to murder their first husband in a casual tone. TT: Don't worry though, Dave. TT: The only murder that occurs is in the last book, and the deaths are of minor characters. TT: Kanaya assured me this was such. TT: However, she did mention that there were some graphic descriptions of violence, particularly in the ending part of the last book. TT: If you don't feel comfortable with that, you don't have to read the novels.

TG: nah TG: i think i should be more or less ok TG: if i feel like i cant handle reading some part of it i can always go to you or kanaya to find out what actually happened in that part TG: but of course you read it because of people possibly murdering their future husbands TG: do you know why kanaya really liked the series

TT: Apparently, she has an interest in vampires and rainbow drinkers. TT: So there is a supernatural aspect to the book.

TG: so are there werewolves and shit as well

TT: Yes, there are.

TG: sweet TG: i probably need to get out of the house anyway TG: it will give me an excuse to stretch my legs and such

TT: Do you really require an excuse to do that?

TG: yes

TT: Well, don’t let me stop you.

TG: alright TG: ill be taking my leave

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacletherapist [TT] --

Now, before you leave to go to the bookstore, you needed to do one more thing.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: john TG: john TG: i have a very important question for you

EB: lay it on me.

TG: what literary device kingdom would you rule

EB: that’s a really weird question, dave. EB: i think you might have to elaborate a little.

TG: so rose and i were talking TG: and we decided that I was the king of metaphors TG: we later decided that she was the queen of prose TG: which of course begged the question TG: what the fuck would you be

EB: i don’t think i want to rule an imaginary literary device kingdom! EB: it seems like a lot of responsibility.

TG: of course its a lot of goddamned responsibility TG: youre ruling a kingdom here TG: a hypothetical kingdom sure TG: but a kingdom nonetheless TG: youve got to take care of all the little people residing in your kingdom TG: but youre basically supposed to chose the literary device that you utilize the most often

EB: i can’t recall using many literary devices! EB: i think i would probably end up being the subject of one of the kingdoms.

TG: thats fair

EB: what about jade? EB: have you asked her?

TG: no but she probably rules over personification or something like that TG: you were more of a mystery

EB: i guess i’m just going to have to think about it.

TG: ill just be waiting over here for you answer TG: because this lack of information is clearly what is keeping me up at night TG: well i wont be actually waiting TG: that would just be creepy as fuck TG: ill just occasionally check pesterchum to see if you have come up with an answer yet TG: be sure to pester me when you do alright

EB: i’ll be sure to do that, dave.

TG: thanks bro TG: anyway im going to the bookstore to get a book rose recommended TG: for once it was not about horrorterrers TG: see ya later john

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

Your curiosity had yet to be sated. You were still curious as to what literary device kingdom John would rule. This was of course purely hypothetical, but it was still something very important that you needed to know as soon as possible.

Anyway, you decided that now would be a good time as any to make your way to the bookstore. Since it was literally right down the street, you didn't actually bother going into your car and driving there. That would be pointless and stupid because then you would have to find a parking space and pay for parking and that was entirely too much work to go get a book from a bookstore that was so close to your house.

When you got to the bookstore, you started out be looking around to see if you could find the book anywhere. It occurs to you that Rose never actually told you who the author was. She only told you the name of the book, which was fine, but it would have been very helpful to actually obtain the name of the person who wrote it as well.

You also didn't know all that much about the book save for a few basic things.And like hell are you actually going to ask someone for assistance to find the book. However, Rose did give you the title of the book, which is occasionally good enough.

As you wandered through the store, you ended up being surprised at a familiar face.

Oh god. It was Karkat. And yeah, the two of you talked pretty casually over Pesterchum and Trollian respectively, but you don't really think you could handle an actual interaction with him in person again. It was too soon, and you hadn't exactly had the time to recover from the previous in person interaction you had with him.

Oh no. He just saw you.

"Oh. Dave." Karkat greeted. "This is certainly a surprise."

"Oh, yeah, hi. I mean, hello. Yo? Actually, nevermind. I guess I really did mean hi. So, hi there Karkat. How have you been doing? The store treating you well? Asshole customers not keeping you up at night are they? And, wow, you are still cute. And I'm still rambling on like I'm not able to breathe if I don't talk. Not that I can't breathe if I don't talk, but with the amount of shit coming out of my mouth, I really wouldn't be surprised at this point.Sorry, I'm not very good at talking to people in real life."

"You're not very good at talking to them over text. Whatever delusion you created to make yourself think that you are anything less than a huge fucking dork is completely and utterly false, and at this point in time, you really just should accept that you aren't that good at the social aspect of life." Karkat said.

"Karkat, I'm hurt. You of all people should know how cool of a person I am."

Karkat looked around bewildered for a moment.

"A cool person? I don't see anyone like that. All I see is some dork who wears shades indoors to look cool."

"Harsh, but I do actually wear the shades inside for a legitimate reason. My eyes are super sensitive to light, so if I ever took them off, I'm pretty sure I would go blind."

"They seem like that would be extraordinarily uncomfortable to wear while sleeping. I hope to whatever god you believe in that you don't go blind if you remove them in total darkness."

"Yeah, it's fine if I take them off when there is a low amount of light, but I don't like taking them off that often. Not only do they look super cool and protect me from the evil sunlight, they were a gift from my best bro."

"So, sunlight is evil now?" Karkat asked.

"What? No. Sunlight isn't evil now. It has always been evil. It's just been watching over us like the fucking malevolent god it is."

"I don't think the sun can be considered a god. First of all, there are stars that are way bigger than our sun and a whole lot hotter as well. Second of all, the sun is probably going to die in a couple billion years, so we have that to look forward to."

"I can't wait until the evil that the sun is gets defeated."

"Well, it's not going to be in our short ass lifetimes. I can assure you of that."

"Damn it. And here I was, looking forward to the destruction of the sun."

"Well, I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you. Unless someone makes a video or a video game where the sun blows up. I don't know." Karkat furrowed his brows. "Maybe then you can live out the fantasy of the sun blowing up? I mean, it would be better than nothing, right?"

"Fair enough. Anyway, what are you getting here at the bookstore?" You questioned.

"Well, I was trying to find a new book to read, but I can't really find anything that I haven't read yet that is in the genre I enjoy."

"You're looking for a romance book, right? Terezi said you liked romcoms and cheesy stuff like that, which is honestly kind of adorable, and please just forget I said that last part. It didn't exist. It was never said. Anyway, you clearly must read a lot to not be able to find something that you haven't read."

"I don't know what I should respond to in that sentence. It all sounded like a huge pile of feces that just won't stop coming out. Except the pile of feces is coming out of your mouth instead of your asshole."

"Maybe you should answer the part where I commented on the amount of reading you do because that is super impressive, and it isn't a creepy compliment like suddenly telling you that you are cute is." You explained.

"Ignoring the fact that you called me cute on multiple occasions, I thank you for your acknowledgment of my prowess in reading a various amount of novels."

"You're welcome. Anyway, if you are having trouble finding something to read, you could always try out a different genre, I guess. I mean, I'm pretty sure there are plenty of action books and stuff that you haven't had the pleasure of reading yet."

"I do still prefer romance novels." Karkat said. "What kind of books do you like to read? Or, I guess, more specifically, what book are you planning on getting here? Or are you just browsing?"

"Rose recommended a book series to me, but I am having a bit of trouble finding it. The first book is called Etiquette and Espionage. Have you heard of it?"

Karkat scoffed.

"Of course I've heard of it! I hear about every book with rainbow drinkers that my moirail can get her hands on! However, it was an amazing series with a properly done romance."

"There's romance in it?"

Karkat looked at you in silence for a few moments before taking a deep breath.

"Yes and a very well done romance at that. Scratch that. There are multiple romances throughout the books. Of course, you have the obligatory red romance triangle that the protagonist ends up getting herself in, but it was obvious from the beginning who she would end up with, speaking as one of her redrom interests she was, at the most, black for, even if there was a bit of red/black vacillating. However, the romantic interests are intriguing due to the sheer difference in blood color. You see, the main character is an olive blood and the two who are trying to court her are a rust blood and a seadweller respectively. Which, of course, puts her in the position of trying to choose between one far above and far below her station in society. She was already testing that, being an olive blood going to a highblood school. In addition, her redrom interests are black as hell for each other, often fighting, and it's done so subtly, and that particular romance was very interesting to read about, even if it was kind of a minor romance in the book. In addition to the redrom interests, she actually gets a moirail, and that romance is adorable as hell, and it is honestly so sweet. She also gets a blackrom interest that she never actually acts on due to that interest being someone she considers an actual enemy."

Karkat looked at you in astonishment for a moment.

"Wow. That was probably one of the first times someone has let me go on for that long about romance without telling me to shut the fuck up."

"Why the hell would I tell you to shut up?" You ask. "You're clearly passionate about it, so I see no reason to shoot down that enthusiasm."

"I, uh. Wow." Karkat just kind of stared at you, and you were beginning to start feeling pretty awkward.

So, of course, you did the only thing you could really actually do.

"Yeah, it would be really shitty of me to just fucking tell you to shut up about something you clearly enjoy talking about. Anyway, it is always super nice just to hear people talk about something they love, and it's just kind of sad when people are sorry for enjoying those sorts of things when really it shouldn't be embarrassing at all. If it's something you love, you should embrace it. It's kind of dumb that people just shoot you down like that, bro. Especially since it was really nice to see you light up like that, and oh my god, please just shut me up."

Karkat started laughing. This was the second time you had gone on a long-winded spiel that he laughed at. It was honestly pretty adorable.

"I guess you're right. Hey, you're having trouble finding Etiquette and Espionage, right? Maybe I could help you find it." Karkat suggested.

"That would be fucking fantastic. Please, show me the way to the elusive novel."

"Right this way."

You followed Karkat to an area you must have looked through ten thousand times, and he just pulled a book off the shelf and handed it to you.

"There you go."

"Holy shit. The cover is pink. Pink is such a nice color, you know? It's all happy and nice and shit, and I really should consider getting some pink into my wardrobe now that I think about it. What do you think, Karkat? Would pink fit my complexion well enough?"

"Probably. You wear red well enough, so you should be able to pull off pink really well."

"Really? Well, maybe you could go out with me to help me pick something out. Usually, I would go with my sister, but she's not very good at picking things out that I actually like, and she doesn't typically like the things that I pick out. Also, it's kind of difficult to shop for yourself, you know? Who knows? Maybe I could help you pick out something new as well. It's always nice to find things that you wouldn't usually pick out for yourself, but then you find out you really enjoy it, you know?"

"That's an odd request, but I don't really see why not."

"So you don't mind helping me out with finding a fun outfit?"

"Not at all. It would probably be fun, especially if we are helping out one another."

"Great. You can bring a friend if you want. You know, if you're uncomfortable with hanging out with me for alone for an extended period of time. It's perfectly fine." You said.

"I think I'll actually take you up on that offer. I have a friend who has been pestering me about getting a new outfit for a potential date he's going to have, and it would be fantastic if I had some extra help.He's a complete mess, and I don't know if he can tell his shoes from his cape."

"Clearly he's a fashion disaster, and we're going to have to fix it. However, I'm warning you now, I am also a fashion disaster."

Karkat looked you up and down, and your throat felt dry.

"I think I can deal with you. You're not nearly as much of a fashion disaster as you may think you are."

"Thanks for the confidence booster. Anyway, when and where do you want to meet for the shopping spree? Unless you want to go over the details over Pesterchum."

"We're already here and planning it. Might as well do it now. I'm free this Saturday. So, maybe we could meet up at noon at some restaurant for lunch and then go to the mall to shop for clothes."

"That sounds fucking fantastic. What restaurant though?"

"I could probably find some place nearby the mall to go to that isn't complete fucking shit. I'll have to ask my friend to see if he's good with that time. He probably will be though. He is almost always free. But, on the off chance that he is not, I can always message you over Trollian, but I’ll have to do that anyway to tell you the exact location and time to meet up.”

"It sounds like a plan." You stated. "Anyway, I'm going to pay for this book, and I'm hopefully going to read it at some point in time instead of just allowing it to rest upon my shelf for the rest of eternity. Mark my works. It will be read."

"Good luck with that." Karkat laughed. "But seriously, I do hope you manage to finish it. It will give us something to talk about on the outing."

"I thought we were going to talk about what kind of clothes we want to try out."

"That's actually a pretty good idea. Just let me jot that down." Karkat pretended to write something down on an imaginary notepad. "There we go. If you have any other ideas, be sure to submit them to my website so that I can fully analyze the shit out of them."

"Will do." You suddenly remembered something very important. "Also, I just remembered I need to ask you what literary device kingdom you would rule."

Karkat looked at you like you had just eaten a lemon whole, rind and all.

"What the fuck kind of question is that?"

"An important one. Come on, please answer it. I don't actually have all day, like some may believe."

"Dave, we just spend a good half hour to an hour standing here and talking to each other."

"Shit, really? Never would have guessed that much time had passed. I still would like an answer though."

"I'll think about it. I'll even message you so you can sate your burning curiosity as soon as I figure it out."

"I'll hold you to that." You said, and you finger-gunned at him. "Anyway, I should be off and actually buying this book and possibly reading it at some point in the hopefully near future."

"You do that." Karkat said.

You left kind of awkwardly. And by that, you meant you totally left in the coolest way possible. Yes. Definitely. Didn't even trip or anything. Okay. So maybe you stumbled a bit, but it's whatever, right? You were still kind of cool, and your dignity was definitely left intact.

You go up to the counter and buy your book and then make your way home. You check Pesterchum to see if John has given you an answer yet. None. Absolutely none. What blasphemy. Well, you can always pester someone else about it.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

TG: jade i have a very important question for you to answer TG: it is imperative that you answer this message as soon as possible TG: shits super important TG: like the world will be destroyed by a whole bunch of meteors if you dont answer this question TG: it will be fucking catastrophic for everyone involved TG: and everyone involved will just be everyone in the world TG: possibly the universe too who really knows

GG: dave

TG: what

GG: just ask me the question already!!!!

TG: oh yeah right TG: okay ill lay it on you TG: if you were the ruler of a theoretical literary device kingdom, what literary device would you be the ruler of

GG: that question is super weird :/ GG: but i guess i would rule personification??? GG: i havent really thought about it really GG: its kind of super oddly specific too

TG: maybe a little bit TG: but i knew you would rule over personification TG: john is still trying to decide what literary device kingdom he would rule over

GG: oh! GG: maybe he could rule over the hero kingdom!!

TG: is hero a literary device

GG: i think it might be more of a character arc than a literary device but this sight seems to count it as one

TG: ok i guess thats fair

GG: im going to keep looking through these literary devices GG: some of them are kind of funny!! GG: like this one called non sequitur

TG: what the fuck is that

GG: according to the site its a statement that doesnt really make any sense or have any sound logic GG: like saying that if all humans have bones and crocodiles have bones GG: then crocodiles must be humans

TG: what the fuck is that logic

GG: its called non sequitur for a reason!

TG: sounds like something you would find straight off of tumblr TG: hot off the press and ready to consume

GG: that metaphor didnt really make any sort of sense dave

TG: when do my metaphors ever make sense jade

GG: … GG: :/

TG: exactly

GG: i found a literary device that might fit john!

TG: what is it

GG: its called a parrhesia GG: which is basically a fancy way of saying freedom of speech GG: like saying what you mean and stuff like that

TG: sounds perfect TG: i will be sure to inform john of this development TG: pester me if you need anything alright

GG: ok! GG: :)

TG: … TG: 8)

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: okay so i found out what kingdom you would rule over

-- ectoBiologist [EB] is an idle chum! --

TG: alright so you arent here TG: whatever TG: ill tell you anyway TG: you would rule over the parthinian kingdom TG: that was not the correct kingdom TG: that was just a jumble of words that didn’t even make any sort of sense TG: they just happened to start with a p TG: okay just give me a second to double check what it was called TG: parrhesia TG: that still sounds like a jumble of words but i swear its an actual real word TG: it means like freedom of speech or whatever TG: boldness of speech TG: i just realized that all you guys have a literary device that begins with a p TG: prose personification parrhesia TG: and im just sitting over here on my throne of metaphors TG: … TG: super fucking weird TG: anyway TG: see ya

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

You weren’t really sure whether or not to tell someone about seeing Karkat at the bookstore. You were kind of tired, and you were all peopled out for the day, so you just decided to go to sleep instead.

You can’t wait for Saturday.

[chimepunk]

What novels or book series would you recommend?

oh fuckin boy dude so many. 90% of what i read is either gay or scifi/fantasy or both, and some are technically for a younger audience but still great, so thats what most of this is which hopefully you’re cool with here goes

this got super long so i’m putting it under a cut. bolded titles are the ones that i’m super recommending, though i love them all

novels

the coldest girl in coldtown by holly black - vampires! a trans character! a bi character! one of the most novel approaches to vampires in fiction that i’ve seen! 10/10 would recommend

the darkest part of the forest by holly black - again, holly black is one of my favorite authors. this one’s got faeries (the proper vaguely unsettling kind that i’m all about) magical music, girls embracing their sexuality, girls being knights, interesting sibling dynamics, and a super cute m/m pairing

les miserables by victor hugo - ok yeah, it’s like 1400 pages long and historical fiction, but i love les mis a lot ok. it’s gotta be on this list just because it owns my ass. it’s like a old drunk french man trying to tell you about the june rebellion but he keeps getting distracted by things like people’s personal lives, the intricacies of the parisian underworld, and how much he wants to fuck the sewers. it’s wonderful

the night circus by erin morgenstern - magical circus that mysteriously appears for days at a time and then vanishes? a competition between young magicians drawn out for years? a wide variety of fascinating side characters? (i will say that the synopsis available for the book is somewhat misleading, as it’s actually less about our two protags and more about the circus itself. but that’s what makes it so enchanting)

the song of achilles by madeleine miller - retelling of patroclus and achilles story to be explicitly romantic. will make you feel like you’re floating on clouds and then rapidly crush your soul. sort of a happy ending? but it’s still a tragedy. their ending is the same as it was in the illiad so if you’re not prepared for that then maybe don’t read

good omens by neil gaiman and terry pratchett - a demon who’s not very good at being a demon and an angel who just wants to collect his books in peace thank you very much try to sabotage the end of times. absolutely hilarious

fairy and folktales of the irish peasantry by w.b. yeats - the best collection of irish faerie stories by one of my favorite poets. if you like creepy and tricky faeries i would def recommend checking these out

rootabaga stories by carl sandburg - another collection of folktales, this time inspired by the american midwest. kinda weird, kinda zany, very neat

the poison eaters by holly black - a short story collection of faery stories that are sometimes creepy, sometimes touching, sometimes gay. my personal favorite is about a library science student who finds a book collection where the characters come out at night and interact, but they’re all really great

series:

alex rider adventures by anthony horowitz - teenager gets recruited by MI6 as a spy, has incredibly high success rate, gets pretty fucked up along the way but damn those one liners tho, maybe have some self preservation alex? just a thought

all for the game by nora sakavic - about a fake sport called exy that’s kind of like indoor lacrosse but more violent. contains: crime families, found families, an aspec protag, girls kicking ass, unhealthy levels of sass, wonderful slowburn m/m that you can’t even see coming for a long while, and a happy ending for everyone!! i came for the gays and ended up reading all three books in two days. also you can get the whole series for less than five bucks on kindle! (note: tw for rape, physical abuse, torture, ptsd, child abuse, drug use, alcoholism, some use of slurs, mentions of past self harm, mental illness)

artemis fowl by eoin colfer - more faeries, but this time they live underground and are way more technologically advanced than humans. the first book focuses on our anti-hero trying to catch one and steal their gold, and they quickly become allies and solve faerie related cases together!! one of my favorite series growing up, and i cried in the middle of the hallway at school when i finished the last book

camp half-blood series by rick riordan - does rick riordan write a lot of mythology books? yes. do i love them all? yes. neurodivergent kids! kids from a huge range of racial and ethnic backgrounds! queer kids! collect them all! ft. greco-roman mythology and a lot of stupid jokes

emelan series by tamora pierce - ok this is easily one of my favorite series of all time. non-western high fantasy setting (picture greece/turkey, china, tibet, mongolia, scandinavia, etc type settings), following four young mages who have unique kinds of magic as they train and grow their skills and become powerful in their own right. only one of the kids is definitely white (jury’s still out on sandry), one is a lesbian, one is ace, one is pan, all four are raised by a loving f/f couple, body diversity, one of the best found families i’ve ever read, feminism, discussion of racism, classism, cultural identity, war, and so much more. it’s so so good and so under-appreciated please read all of the emelan books 

the dark is rising sequence by susan cooper - full disclosure i have not finished this series yet but i’ve re-read the first book a million times. it’s a neat take on arthurian mythology, with dark forces trying to take over and kids getting shit done

diviners by libba bray - psychic teenagers in 1920s new york! i’m a slut for prohibition, but these are also super fun and have likable and real characters, and doesn’t only focus on wealthy white people having parties which is nice. the occult! government conspiracies! historical references! genuinely scary situations! it’s rad!

the enchanted forest chronicles by patricia c. wrede - i adore this series so so much. it’s about a princess who’s father keeps telling her that she can’t have hobbies like fencing or cooking or conjugating latin verbs because they’re unladylike and insists that she marry this doofus prince that she couldn’t care less about. so she runs away and volunteers to work for a dragon and proceeds to send away all the princes that try to rescue her. it’s genuinely funny, has a really neat magic system in the later books, great female friendships, cats, dragons who have no time for your gender roles, and wizards who are the most ridiculous group of antagonists you will ever see

the infernal devices by cassandra clare - i really really do not like the author of this series but it also broke me so it must go on the list. if you’re familiar with the mortal instruments or shadowhunters on freeform, it’s set in that universe in the 1870s in london and it’s very steampunk and very angsty and it made me cry a lot

the kane chronicles by rick riordan - see: camp half-blood series but egyptian

fablehaven by brandon mull - oooooh fuck me up i love this series. this is another one meant for slightly younger readers but all of brandon mull’s series are so wildly imaginative and i’m a slut for world building so. the premise is basically that there are secret preserves all over the world that house magical creatures, and five of these preserves have vaults with artifacts that when brought together make a key to this massive demon prison. an evil society called the society of the evening star is trying to get the artifacts to open the prison, and a different group who is allied with the preserves called the knights of the dawn is trying to get to them first to prevent this from happening. there are dragons, light and dark powers, crazy convoluted vaults to get through, and some really cool creatures and characters

beyonders by brandon mull - this guy again! this one’s about a parallel world called lyrian that people on earth can only get to through small liminal windows, and usually can’t get back through. the story follows two kids, jason and rachel, who get stuck in lyrian and end up becoming major members of the resistance against the evil emperor maldor. just like fablehaven, the world building is insane and you’ll fall in love with all the characters. this is yet another series that made me cry in the middle of class when i finished it

the kingkiller chronicle by patrick rothfuss - this is series is long as all fuck and the last book isn’t out yet but it’s my #1 favorite series of all time. i found out about it bc a cashier at a local grocery store held up the line to write it down for me and i never went back. parts of it are achingly, hauntingly beautiful, other parts are hilarious enough to leave you in stitches, others make you want to pull your hair out. there’s sass, recklessness, beautiful and deadly girls, an overwhelming love and emphasis on the importance of music and storytelling, magic that’s more like science, ethnic adversity, student loans, a thing that might be a cow or might be a dragon depending on who you ask, and more quotable lines than you could dream of. the audiobook by nick podehl is also fabulous, and lin manuel miranda is producing and adapting it for the screen and maybe stage at some point in the future!

a modern faerie tale by holly black - guys. i love holly black. almost everything she’s ever written is on this list. this one is fairly self explanatory by the title, but it’s gritty and dark and has those lovely creepy faeries that she’s so great at writing. also a surprising m/m couple in the last book, both of whom are characters in the other two installments. (tw for drug use/addiction, brief sexual assault, and probably other things that i can’t remember right now)

the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater - also in my top 3 favorite series of all time, i cannot begin to describe this series. i first read it while up in the nc mountains which improved the experience to a surprising degree, but it’s stuck with me for the last several years. basically 5 teenagers go in search of a dead welsh king, but along the way there is magic, psychics, ghosts, a sentient forest, dreams becoming reality, curses, teenage shenanigans, classic cars, swearing, church, kisses and not kisses, illict hand holding, a baby crow, bisexuality, a death list, hitmen, and nicknames and it will consume your heart before you know what’s happening to you (tw child abuse, implied sexual assault, substance abuse, dissociation, mentions of past suicide attempts, body horror, gore, and disturbing scenes esp. in the last book)

six of crows by leigh bardugo - a team of criminals band together to break into an impossible fortress, fall in love, con an entire city, and get rich. set in the same universe as the grisha trilogy (which is also good but not as good as soc), this is basically a heist followed by a con, but pulled off by ruthless teenagers and with the help of magic

curseworker trilogy by holly black - crime families, magic that can only done through touch so everyone wears gloves, moral ambiguity, and a twisted romance. one of holly black’s best and most underrated series

baccano! by ryohgo narita - this is a japanese light novel series which has been adapted into an anime, but is much more extensive in print. the plot is extremely convoluted, but an absolute ride spanning several centuries, although the bulk of it is in the 1930s in nyc and chicago. there’s an elixir of immortality, crime families, trains, a solipsistic assassin and his mute assassin gf, serial killers, a demon with a catch phrase, murder, explosions, adorable couples, gambling, a gang leader named jacuzzi who is always terrified, killer corporations, and much much more

no.6 by asuka asano - another japanse series, this time focusing on two boys, one who grew up in a utopian city, the other who grew up outside the walls after the city destroyed his life. they meet when they’re 12 years old, and several years later, they’re reunited when the outsider rescues the city boy from arrest. they, along with a pimp and a nonbinary dog hotel owner, try to expose and overthrow the government. also ft. drag performances, mice who like shakespeare, killer bees, and boys falling in love.

the merlin saga by t.a. barron - my favorite take on arthurian mythology, chronicling merlin as he comes into his power. there’s a vividly magical island, giants, amulets, talking trees, stones that will try to swallow you, a swamp witch, celtic deities, huge wicker hats, poetry, new kinds of fruit, people that are also deer, and human’s long lost wings.

[lito-thegawd]

Bird Box Review

Aight so boom.

I’m gonna get straight to the point. If you’re like me you can’t escape “the bird box” phenomenon. Shit sweeping the nation dawg. It’s people talking about this movie who I thought only watch Madea (Tyler Perry you can go to hell dawg). I legit didn’t know y’all knew they had movies that didn’t have black men in a dress. Oh It’s getting spicy in this motherfucker. Oh yea. Y’all hate this movie like it’s your dad you never met. I’ve seen people call this movie the worst movie ever. Funny to ya boy. That would mean “Takers” was never made. I’m still mad Chris Brown front flipped over a 20ft gate. That movie was bad. Like bad. But Aye I’m on fandango yesterday, right. I see Will Ferrell has a new movie. That mother fucker has a 0 rating. I can’t even make that up. I felt so bad for Will bruh.

Bird Box started and I immediately knew the ending. It’s Sandy and her new nose and these two little kids in a house. She was giving them little kids a pep talk. That was a sign that everybody else was dead. Spoiler Alert: I was not wrong. So let’s get this straight. The movie wasn’t trash per say. I’ve seen a lot worse. Did y’all see me mention takers? Because boy he flipped..Never mind. They should have given more context about whatever the hell is going in the wind. Let’s step back just a bit. The whole premise of the movie is that some fucking wind blows. Next thing you know you’re doing some wild shit. You can’t control it. It’s like some neurological monster that controls you. Whatever you fear you have it consumes you. Is that accurate ? Shit. I dunno it felt accurate. Let’s go with that. Most of the movie the characters eyes are covered. In every house we see the windows are boarded and covered. There’s even a scene where ole boy drives a car where the windows are painted. He basically drove that hoe in Stevie Wonder mode. I dunno dawg. Don’t ask me. So a wind monster you can’t look at is the villain. However their are some people the wind controls that are still normal. It’s weird. Which is where the birds come into play. You gotta keep some birds around because those little fucks can sense “the wind”. Brazy right? Not as brazy as this though... there are two black men in the movie who don’t die first. Mind blown? I know. I know. 2018 we really progressing as far as ethnic movie deaths go.

Rod from Tsa who goes by Charlie in this movie might’ve been the best character. Guess what? Rod dead. He died in a freezer, baby. It was fucked up too. Charlie knew the grocery store had grub there because he had just locked it up. Charlie didn’t even want to take that ride. The nice black guy made him. Aye Trevante got heaven points. Ain’t no black man ever gonna be that trustworthy during an apocalypse. You can’t even ask a black man to use a phone charger. He’ll ask you for your whole social as collateral. That boy Trevante was a good human being. Thats why he is dead. Spoiler alert. But before he died he did get some of Sandy’s pancake. That thing was flat flat too. To be fair for a 50 year old white lady Sandra Bullock looks pretty good. John Malkovich was the realest mother fuckin person in the movie. He was me. I ain’t trusting none of y’all. If the world was ending today and I had nothing but room, it’s gonna be my dead ass alone in the all rooms. Open the door? Bitch is you crazy? I’m sorry beloved. Human nature is to survive. John Malkovich can survive with me any day. Honestly none of the other characters are important. No disrespect. They dead anyway so what are they gonna tell me.

Let me tell y’all the funniest part of the whole movie. Sandra had a son. We never find out who the dad is. Sandra is also traveling with a little girl. The girl was for the creepy pregnant lady. She deserved to die really. No love lost. Anyway Sandra named these kids “boy” and “girl”. Bruh Sandra ain’t give 0 fucks about them chirren. The funny part is Sandra warns the kids one of them is gonna have to look out and guide her. Sandra is blind folded as she is driving the boat. Her son says, “I’ll do it”. Sandra was like nahhhhh. Let’s let the girl die. Haha. They all survived. They found a school for the blind. Plot twist. Blind people out here living swell on you seeing fucks. Long story short keep some birds around bruh.