#your first 5 non human emojis are your aesthetic

[territorial-utopia]

✨👑⭐🪻🌺

[unrestedjade]

Baseless Ferengi headcanons no one asked for and that get increasingly queer-navel-gazing and self indulgent because the horrible space goblins have consumed my brain:

- Mobile ears, because if hearing is so well developed and important to them they should be able to aim those big stupid radar dishes. Also because then they can emote with them and that's cute. THE AESTHETIC IS PARAMOUNT.

- Since they canonically sharpen their teeth with chew sticks and sharpeners, their teeth must grow continuously. So I submit: subcultures that let certain teeth grow out as a fashion/political statement. Ferengi punks and anarchists with 5" tusks. Ferengi with all their teeth filed flat (mom and dad HATE it).

- Corollary to the above, most of their teeth are crooked. At the least, they don't share our fetish for straight teeth. What if their teeth are deciduous, and there's no point in trying to force them into perfect alignment, since they'll just fall out and get replaced? So like, sharks but their teeth can also grow longer with no limit. WHAT HAST EVOLUTION WROUGHT ON FERENGINAR :V

- Parents nagging their kids to sharpen their teeth "or they'll grow up into your brain and you'll die :)"

- Personal space? Don't know her.

Okay I need a cut because there's too many now. WHOLE SOCIETY OF GAY HOMOPHOBIC UNCLES AND AUNTS GO I HAVE A PROBLEM

- I can't remember who on here put forth the idea of them having retractable claws but Yes. :3

- Pushing back against the worst canon episode a bit but: relative ear size being the only obvious sexually dimorphic trait, and even that having enough of a gray area that the only way to be 100% sure you're talking to a male or female Ferengi is if you do a blood test. Unless they're intersex! *shrug emoji*

- This is why they're so fanatical about gender conformity and their Victorian "separate spheres" attitude to men and women's roles. Capitalist patriarchy is fragile! And as artificial to Ferengi as it ever was to Humans! (self-indulgenceeeee about gender shiiiiit)

- You know how with domesticated rabbits, the rabbit getting groomed and paid attention to is the boss? Yeah. Go ahead and paint your bestie's nails, just don't be surprised if she cops a little bit of an attitude with you from then on.

- Their fight/flight/freeze/fawn instincts skew heavily toward the last three, and what a lot of other species read as annoying sucking up is the Ferengi in question feeling anxious and unsafe. Especially if they don't feel integrated into the group. Even being at the bottom of the pecking order is better than not being in the flock at all.

- If they DO opt for fight, it's ugly and typically their last resort. Bites or scratches will get infected without intervention-- microbes that their immune system can handle could cause big trouble for aliens. You might wanna check for full or partial teeth that break off and get lodged in the wound, too.

- Too many of these are tooth related but I don't care. :B More teeth stuff: you know what else has teeth that grow constantly? Puffer fish. Likewise, Ferengi can chew up mollusk shells as easy as potato chips, and they need the minerals for their teeth. (Imagine grandpa Sisko offering Nog a crayfish for the first time and watching as he just...pops the whole damn thing in his mouth and crunches away...)

- Their staple foods seem to be grubs and other arthropods, high in protein and fat. I've unilaterally decided their cuisine also involves a lot of edible fungi, ferns, plant shoots and seeds. Gotta get those vitamins. Overall flavor profile leaning toward umami, vegetal, and fresh herbs, and pretty mild (or "delicate" if you wanna be snooty about it, which a Ferengi probably would let's be real).

- Not much sugary food. I'm basing this solely on Quark's aversion to root beer as "cloying". Which could definitely just be his personal preference, but most of the people I hear hating on root beer cite the actual sassafras/sarsaparilla flavor (saying it tastes like medicine) not the sweetness. Nog might be the weirdo outlier for being able to enjoy it.

- Their home planet isn't bright and sunny, so their eyes are better at discerning shades of gray in low light conditions, with relatively weak color vision. Which could explain why they dress Like That.

- Conversely, human music has a reputation for stinking on ice because a lot of it is juuuuust lightly dissonant or out of tune because we can't pick up flaws that small. Ferengi can, and it drives them up the *wall*.

- Music? So many different kinds. Traditionally, maybe lots of percussion and winds, and water as a common component of many instruments to alter pitch or tone. Polyphony out the ass. Some of the modern stuff is an impenetrable wall of sound if you're not a species with a lot of brain real estate devoted to processing sounds. Pick out one melody to follow at a time.

- Yes, back to teeth again I'm sorry. It's a sickness. At some point in their history, pre-chewing food was just something you did for your baby or great grandma as a matter of necessity. Possibly your baby gets an important boost to their immune system and gut biome from your spit. At some point takes on a more formal intimacy aspect and gradually drifted from something all adults and older kids do to something only women do. Your husband and older kids have perfectly functional teeth, but you love them, right? =_= (Think old memes about husbands being useless in the kitchen if little wifey isn't there to cook, but even more ridiculous. Ishka was right about everything but especially this. Thank you for making your family chew their own food, Ishka. Not all heroes wear capes. Or anything!)

- How did they get started on the whole men: clothed vs women: unclothed nonsense? My equally stupid idea: men just get cold easier. Those huge ears dissipate a ton of body heat. Cue Ferengi cliches like "jeez, we could be standing on the surface of the sun and my husband would put on another layer." At some point, again, this got codified and pushed to ridiculous extremes in the name of controlling women and keeping everyone in their assigned box, to the point that women just have to shiver if they really are too cold and men have to pass out from heat stroke if the alternative is going shirtless, because That Would Be Inappropriate.

- Marriages default to five years, but they're also the only avenue for women to have their own household or any stability. Plus their religion places no emphasis on purity save for pure adherence to the free market and the RoA. So, curveball to the rest of their patriarchal bullshit: female virginity isn't a concern in the least. Bring it up and they'll rightly side-eye you.

- Family law is absolutely bonkers and lawyers that specialize in it make BANK. I feel like custody would default to the father usually but oh wait, the maternal grandfather has a legal stake in this, too, and your next father-in-law is asking HOW many kids are you dragging into my daughter's house, etc etc. Growing up with a full sibling is way rarer than growing up with half or stepsiblings, since it usually takes both men and women two or three tries to find someone they vibe with. (Not love, unless you're super cringe.)

- A misogynistic society is a homophobic society. Imo those flavors of shittiness just come in pairs. Homosexual behaviors are fine within certain parameters (aka "always have sex with the boss") but not on your own terms. To add spice, bisexuality is their most common mode (because I'm bi and these are my hcs for my fics I'm not writing, so there), but capitalism demands fresh grist for the mill so you better get het-married and pop out some kids you lowly peons. You have a choice so make the proper one. :)

- Corollary to the above, that doesn't keep all kinds of illicit "we're just friends with quid-pro-quo benefits for realsies" affairs of every stripe and every gender from going on everywhere. Many Ferengi have a lightbulb moment somewhere in early adulthood when they figure out their dad's business partner or the "auntie" who visited their mom every month had a little more going on.

- Plus there's way more gender non-conformity and varying degrees of trans-ing than the powers that be have a handle on. Pel isn't unique, even if most would have to somehow make it out into space to be able to thrive.

Damn a lot of these are just my personal bugbears plus THE GILDED AGE BUT WITH HAIRLESS SPACE RODENTS ain't they

- Women can't earn profit, okay. But lending or "lending" things to each other isn't commerce, riiiiiiight? To be assigned female is to master navigating a vast, dizzying barter/gift economy. Smart boys and men leverage this, too, and there are splinter sects that view this as the purest expression of the Great Material Continuum.

- Of course plenty of women make profit anyway, and just do their bast to dodge the FCA. The tough thing about insisting on using latinum as currency is that cash can be so hard to track, you know?

- Because of the RoA, guys are discouraged from doing favors or giving gifts without setting clear expectation of getting some return on investment. This can twist into an expression of friendship (and of course women do it too), and the ledger will keep cycling between debit and credit among friends for decades. A common mistake aliens make is to tell them recompense isn't needed without explaining why, or return their favor or present with something that zeroes out the debt. The Ferengi will assume you want to break off the friendship. (I cribbed this from dim memories of an African studies course I took in 2007 and whose textbook I know I still have but I can't frigging find it...)

- Flirting, they do a lot of it for a lot of reasons. Roddenberry made it clear that they're just straight up pretty horny, but there's no reason it can't pull double duty for building alliances with other people, smoothing over feuds or disagreements, or cementing friendships. Ferengi who are ace and/or sex-repulsed are possibly viewed similar to the way we'd view someone who's "not a hugger/not big on touching" and if they flirt just don't get offended if it doesn't go any further; aro Ferengi don't garner much comment aside from an occasional "wow how badass, never falling in love with anyone."

- where to even start on making sense of the Blessed Exchequer??? Like seriously, what is this literal prosperity gospel insanity, I need to force myself to re-read Rand and like, some Milton Friedman for this shit. Help.

- fuck I'm probably going to actually do that, RIP me...

[yuvon-writes-letters]

To Yu,

Your hacker is in on the case!! [There’s a shit-ton of messily drawn emojis, mostly in relation to celebration]

See, I told you he would’ve helped you in the end, his heart’s too golden to just not (or maybe not, idk, my hacker’s just like that)

Anyways, addressing bullet points.

I can’t say much about this one, since I’ve been messaging since the beginning. It would def help if there were more people, but we can’t guarantee that they’ll respond either way, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Asking my hacker about using his name, would require me to tell him about this as well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to do it, I just don’t exactly know how to phrase it, without sounding bat-shit insane. “Hey dude, just checking in, mind if I tell some other-dimensional version of me who’s working on the same case your name? Totally cool if you don’t want to tho :DDD” So, before I do tell him, I just, need some help with wording.

It’s the same for me, at least. Five days since I first received the letter, and already my desk is stacked with your letters too. This actually gave me the opportunity to finally try out the glass pen that I bought out of impulse (and never used since the first day), I’m a little rusty, and the handwriting’s messy, but it look’s so pretty, and the glass pen totally fits the book-worm aesthetic.

Also, one final thing, just wanted to say hi to your hacker! [there’s more drawn emojis, specifically a hand, and a smiling face] Also, no problem, honestly. Pushing people to do what’s right is basic human decency.

Best wishes, Rai

P.S: I love my nickname, I will keep this nickname until I die, everyone is legally required to use it or I will sue them [There’s one final doodle, a little mini-comic, with a stick-man saying “friendship ended with Rainer, Rai’s my new best friend now.”]

(There's a simple border sketched around the edges of the letter. It looks a little like a strand of DNA, but without the bars between the two twisting lines. It looks like it was done in pencil and gone over with pen.)

Rai,

You know, I never thought to draw out emojis before XD Though, I'm more of an emoticon girl anyhow.

Yeah, honestly, I'm mostly glad he took it as well as he did. I knew he'd help me, but I was sort of worried about the steps between telling him and him helping me. There was a lot that could've gone really wrong. It's probably good I didn't wait TOO long to tell him.

Returning to the bullet points...

Yeah. I haven't gotten any letters from anyone else yet... maybe these are ending up in their junk mail pile. I'm sure the eldritch entity running all this is very happy about that XD

Pff— well, honestly, I didn't think about that, and I don't think my hacker did either. That or he expected me to handle it. Let's see. The only good way I can think of, just off the top of my head, is asking him to suspend disbelief, and then sending pictures of the important bits of our letters; ESPECIALLY the parts where we confirmed each other's identities XD I feel like if you'd told him any other way, he'd probably still want to know everything that was going on with this, because you're involved with it and in a weird way he is too. Then again you could just be vague and ask if you can use his name when writing a letter to a friend, but it sounds like you want to tell him about all of this.

Well, at least we don't have to deal with time shenanigans. If magical time bullshit turned out to be involved in this too, I was going to legitimately scream. And the calligraphy's lovely, don't worry! Now I feel jealous sitting here with my plain old pencil and ballpoint pen, ahaha.

I sent him a picture of you saying hi, he says hi back. He even used a smiley. I think he likes you because you talked sense into me XD

I'm glad you like your nickname, because I'm not too creative with nicknames. I definitely like mine too. It feels a bit weird to get a nickname, because I already go by my nickname 99% of the time in person, so people don't usually bother to give me another. I'm not sure the group even knows the name they use is my nickname and not my birth name...

Hey, do you think we could trick the MWAF into saying "Rainer" instead of "Rai" and then sue him? Then we can take all his money before sending him to prison XD

Update on the tree situation: there are (we think) two types of trees around. My hacker's still working on one of them, but with the power of Google he found out that the others are elder trees. I've seen them before, but I didn't know what they were called. I think there's one or two in some park nearish my house outside of all this mess. They're sort of short, 10-15 feet or so in American terms, and the branches start low down. They're kinda easy to climb, at least at the base and if you stick near the trunk, but the branches go nearly vertical after that. The elder trees mostly block my view further into the woods, but there are much taller trees, maybe on average 40ft tall or so (I'm bad at estimating :( ) which is what I climbed way back in the beginning to look around.

Uh, you know what, I should probably convert those measures into the metric system, just for non-Americans' convenience. Gimme a sec to remember the conversion rate... right. The elder trees are 3-5 meters, the others are somewhere around 12m or so.

Good luck making Hacker.exe crash with the realization that there are parallel universes and the supernatural exists!

—Yuvon / Yu

(When you’re done reading, the letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

[solemnveloci]

Every Sony Pictures Animation  Movie Reviewed in 10 Words or Less!

In text form because I suck at talking off the top of my head. As a bonus, I’ll also do Warner Animation Group in 10 Words or Less because... eh, it’s April Fools. Also, they’ve got only 4 movies under their belt.

Thanks to @jelloapocalypse for the idea! I know he’s probably getting sick of them now, though.

Let’s start.

Open Season (2006): Why is the girl deer sexualized? AND STILL AN ANIMAL? 1/10

Surf’s Up (2007): *stares directly into the camera like I’m a surfboarding penguin* 5/10

Open Season 2 (2009): Get a freaking dog trainer. 3/10

Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs (2009): So… ending world hunger is bad? 6/10

Open Season 3 (2011): The racism metaphors in this are better than Zootopia. 4/10

The Smurfs (2011): Aah! Hyper-realistic Smurf! 6/10

Arthur Christmas (2011): A hearth-warming film. 7/10

Pirates! Band of Misfits (2012): Whaddya know, the sailors of the sea! 8/10

Hotel Transylvania (2012): Aw, your wife ceased out of existence, too? 9/10

The Smurfs 2 (2013): Aah! Hyper-realistic emo Smurf! 2/10

Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs (2013): Adam Savage never was the same after Mythbusters got cancelled. 8/10

Hotel Transylvania 2 (2015): Why hasn’t Mavis aged? 4/10

Open Season: Scared Silly (2016): “OMG, stop gaybaiting Boog/Elliot!” 3/10

Goosebumps (2016): Huh, actually didn’t see that twist coming. Good work! 8/10

Surf's Up 2 (2017): Wavemania: You waited ten years to make a WWE crossover sequel. 5/10

Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017): Aah! …oh wait, they look fine now. 9/10

The Emoji Movie (2017): A Disney Channel love story buried under 900 YouTube ads. 1/10

The Star (2017): This movie has no right being this cute. 8/10

Peter Rabbit (2018): British. 5/10

Every Warner Animation Group Movie Reviewed in 10 Words or Less!

The LEGO Movie (2014): Chris Pratt’s voice is annoying! But this movie’s still great! 7/10

Storks (2016): Again, NO RIGHT. 9/10

The LEGO Batman Movie (2017): Suck it, Nolan. 10/10

The LEGO Ninjago Movie (2017): Oh no! Not my... Ninjago fanfics! 6/10

Since he had the same problem with the Disney sequels, I’m also only doing a bottom three and top three. Though let’s get the honorable mentions out of the way, first.

Storks (2016)

 With movies I like and dislike, I’m usually ride or die for both opinions, but I can definitely see why this one has it’s detractors. You see, it follows the usual “subverted Disney knockoff” formula, that being, a whimsical event or figure being hilariously subverted. “What if whimsical thing... but they’re all jerks?”  “What if whimsical thing... but they’re the Avengers?” “What if whimsical thing... but pop culture reference?” 

Despite about a million roadblocks in it’s way, Storks manages to be both sweet and hilarious, aided by the talents of Key and Peele, and a genuinely amazing bond between the two leads. Fair warning, you’re probably going to hate this movie if you dislike fast-paced comedy. It’s- it’s everywhere.

The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)

An astounding movie that works as both a parody and homage to the Batman mythos. Every single joke stuck, every character was perfect, and the celebrity voice actors didn’t stick out at all. And, obviously, this is the only version where Babs/Batman isn’t creepy as hell. COUGH COUGH.

TOP 3

The Star (2017)

I wasn’t expecting this movie to be as good as it was. 

Yeah, not the nicest way to start off the best of the best list, but keep in mind this was 4 months after The Emoji Movie. After that train-wreck, Sony steps back into its stride, and creates a very sweet, very simple Christmas film. It’s still a movie for very little children, though. You know Jesus is going to get born, you know that the cute widdle aminals are going to make it through, and you know they're not going to kill off the Oprah camel and Kelly Clarkson horse.

Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017)

A soft reboot is exactly what the Smurf Cinematic Universe needed. I’m not kidding, the characters are more likable, the stakes actually mean something, the animation is gorgeous and translates the DUCK Studios/Noble Animation versions into 3D perfectly, but I have just one question. Why didn’t they use this animation style in the first place? I’m sure it would’ve been better received than the terrifying, splotchy, blueberry gnome toddlers we got. 

Hotel Transylvania (2012)

My god, this movie knows exactly how to utilize CGI. Everything in this looks amazing! The story is just as fun, and the supporting cast is hilarious (maybe except for the love interest, who gets a little grating sometimes), and even watching the underwhelming sequel was entertaining because of how everything looked and sounded. Just, wow. Aesthetic, man. Aesthetic. 

Here’s to hoping the third one is good again.

BOTTOM 3

The Smurfs 2 (2013)

Gargamel makes Emo smurfs. Yup. Emo smurfs. They’re mean smurfs. They’re bad smurfs. Baaaaaad smurfs. Oh, and, uh, Lady Smurf is sad because everyone forgot her smurfing birthday, but it really was a surprise party. Smurfs to be her, I guess.

The Emoji Movie (2017)

It’s the freaking Emoji Movie. Do I even need to say anything else? Maybe I could point out that nobody is likable, they’re all selfish, and the only reason I didn’t tap out is because I honest-to-god wanted to see how the human kids turned out? 

Open Season (2006)

Yes. I think that Open Season is worse than The Emoji Movie. And why? Because Emoji movie never tried to force #FEELS into anything. It didn’t act like it was trying to be this beautiful, fantastical movie that would been seen with the likes of Citizen Kane. They cared about getting their cash, and that was that. 

But Open Season, you magnificent bastard, acted like after 80 minutes of poop jokes and the characters treating each other like trash, that it was this magnificent, astounding, feel-good film about love and friendship and ugh, every moment of “empathy” just feels so fake. WHY DID THEY MAKE THE ONLY NON-BIPEDAL, NON-HUMANOID, FEMALE IN THE MOVIE THE LOVE INTEREST, WHY.

Woman Yells at Dumb Animated Movies, 2018.

[stepdownonhell]

Questions, questions

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? A:I’m fine with my height:) 2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) A: A ferret  3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? A: Grunge/Indie. Or basic white bitch 4: What was your favorite video game growing up? A:Can’t remember  5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My hawt bf, a certain amazing, gorgeous girl that’s my cute lil rabbit ♥, and my future. 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? A: “Warning asshole” 7: What is your opinion on Trump]? A: Kill it.  8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] A: Sometimes Sanguine (Rarely tho lmao. working on it sh) But Phlegmatic mostly.  9: Are you ticklish? A: Uhhhh..no? 10: Are you allergic to anything? A: Cute rats. sad.

11: What’s your sexuality? A: Pansexual (save the pan jokes) 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? A: Coffee  13: Are you a cat or dog person? A: Dog 14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? A: A very tall elf. 15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? A: Zane Hijazi 16: How tall are you? A: 5′10 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? A: Octavia 18: How much do you weigh? A: Too much. 19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? A: Yes 20: Do you like space or the ocean more? A: Space. 21: Are you religious? A: Religion? What’s that? 22: Pet peeves? A: Everything a human can do with their nails. flick flick  23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal? A: Who doesn’t wanna be a vampire? 24: Favorite constellation? A: Aquarius  25: Favorite star?  A: Sirius 26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? A: No 27: Any phobias or fears? A: Spiders 28: Do you think global warming is real? A: Maybe? 29: Do you believe in reincarnation? A: Depends 30: Favorite movie? A: Love, Simon 31: Do you get scared easily? A: Naaah 32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? A: 15 33: Who do you hate most? A: Um, trump and a certain some one. 34: What is a color that calms you? A: Yellow 35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? A: I would like to travel to the UK(And live there but..) I would wanna live in Cali.  36: Where were you born? A: A very cold place. 37: What is your eye color? A: Dark brown 38: Introvert or extrovert? A: Introvert. Why do you think I’m on tumblr? 39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? A: Yeah boy. 40: Hugs or kisses? A: Um neither, gross. 41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? A: My love 42: Who is someone you love deeply? A: My sweet boi 43: Any piercings you want? A: My septum plz. I need her back in my life 44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? A: Yes 45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? A: I don’t smoke, but I have ew. 46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! A: I gots a mans honey 47: What is a sound you really hate? A: NAIL FLICKING 48: A sound you really love? A: My mans voice ;) 49: Can you do a backflip? A: no but how rad would that be? 50: Can you do the splits? A: ^ 51: Favorite actor and/or actress? A: Idkkk 52: Favorite movie? A: You asked me this already 53: How are you feeling right now? A: Nostalgic  54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? A: Blue 55: When did you feel happiest? A: When I went to Florida. 56: Something that calms you down? A: Talking  57: Have any mental disorders? A: Um 58: What does your URL mean? A: That’s a secret ;) 59: What three words describe you the most? A: Nostalgic, Lonely, unproductive.  60: Do you believe in evolution? A: Yes 61: What makes you unfollow a blog? A: If they’re a douche 62: What makes you follow a blog? A: If they’re rad 63: Favorite kind of person: The nice kind. Only in stores. 64: Favorite animal(s): Rats :) N snakes 65: Name three of your favorite blogs. I follow noone;) 66: Favorite emoticon: Emojis r gross 67: Favorite meme: Whats a me me  68: What is your MBTI personality type? A: Whut 69: What is your star sign? A: Sagittarius  70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? A: Yes 71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? A: Red and white adorable, soft ass crop top, with my black skinnies. 72: Post a selfie or two? A: Neither  73: Do you have platform shoes? A: Wishing 74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? A: I wanted to be a ballet dancer or a scientist.   75: Can you do a front flip? A: No 76: Do you like birds? A: Yes 77: Do you like to swim? A: ofc 78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? A: Swimming 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Anti lgbt + trump 80: Some thing you wish did exist: Teleportation my dear 81: Piercings you have? A: First+second lobe, nose. 82: Something you really enjoy doing: Makeup 83: Favorite person to talk to: My boiii 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? A: gey  85: How many followers do you have? A: 0 86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? A: 10:01 87: Do your socks always match? A: Not a chance 88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? A: Nope 89: What are your birthstones? A: Tealllll? 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? A: a birb 91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? A: A white rose 92: A store you hate? A:  Hyvee? 93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? A: 6 lmao  94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? A: read minds 95: Do you like to wear camo? A: Depends 96: Winter or summer? A: Summer 97: How long can you hold your breath for? A: 57 seconds 98: Least favorite person? A: a certain person 99: Someone you look up to: My boiii 100: A store you love? A: Spencers 101: Favorite type of shoes A: Converse 102: Where do you live? A: not ur biz 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? A: No 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? A: Um idk 105: Do you drink milk? A: No i think it’s gross 106: Do you like bugs? A: no 107: Do you like spiders? A: do u even have to ask? n O 108: Something you get paranoid about? A: Everything 109: Can you draw: No lol 110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? A: do yOU PLAY BASKETBALL??????????? 111: A question you hate being asked? A: ^ 112: Ever been bitten by a spider? A: probably 113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? A: yes 114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? A: Cloudy  115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: the boi :( 116: Favorite cloud type:  Arcus cloud 117: What color do you wish the sky was?  A: Yellow 118: Do you have freckles? A: I wish 119: Favorite thing about a person: Smile or humor 120: Fruits or vegetables? A: Fruits 121: Something you want to do right now: dieieieeie 122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? A: Both are endless  123: Sweet or sour foods? A: Sour 124: Bright or dim lights? A: Dim 125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? A: No 126: Something you hate about Tumblr: The “I think murders are cute” Side. 127: Something you love about Tumblr: Pretty photos  128: What do you think about the least? A: Responsibilities ;))  129: What would you want written on your tombstone? A: “Dance on me”  130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? A: A lot of people 131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? A: My face 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? A: Maybe 133: Computer or TV? A: Comp. 134: Do you like roller coasters? A: YEEES

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? A: Motion sickness sometimes :((

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? A: Lobed 137: Do you believe in karma? A: A little 138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? A: 3 139: What nicknames do you have/have had? A: Princess, hoe, rikku 140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? A: When I was younger I thought Danny phantom was my bf.  141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? A: Never 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? a: Bad.woops 143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts? A: Giving  144: What makes you angry? A: Homophobs  145: How many languages do you speak fluently? A: 2 Engrish n jibberish 146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? A: All of the beautiful people ♥ 147: Are you androgynous? A: Too much so 148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: My brows n hair 149: Favorite thing about your personality: Too tough to answer  150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. A: My love, A rabbit n Hobo Johnson.  151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? A: Stone age my dudes 152: Do you like BuzzFeed? A: Ew no 153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? A: A game 

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? A: umno

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? A: Yea 156: What embarrasses you? A: My mother 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: Too many peoples 158: Biggest lie you have ever told: Lets not bring that up 159: How many people are you following? A: Dunno 160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? A: Like 2 161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? A: none 162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? a: nONE 163: Last time you cried and why: A few days ago for reasons  164: Do you have long or short hair? A: Shoulder length 165: Longest your hair has ever been: To the bum 166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? A: Because religion scares people into thinking if they do something bad, they’ll go to an imaginary place called hell. If your God loved you so much he would never do such a thing ;/// + Many other reasons 167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? A: I really do 168: Do you like to wear makeup? A: too much 169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? A: No 170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? A: Yuh

[myhahnestopinion]

THE AARONS 2018 - Worst Film

I read quite a few thoughts from people on the internet decrying the idea of a “Worst Films” list as overly-negative. Those people have likely never seen The Emoji Movie. Here are the Aarons for Worst Film:

#10. The 15:17 to Paris 

Clint Eastwood’s late career need to commemorate every possible act of American heroism he can get his hands on and his inflexible attitude towards efficient filmmaking, no matter whether another take is called for, reached a breaking point in The 15:17 to Paris. Eastwood’s decision to cast the real-life military men that stopped the attack is admirable, but misguided, as each gives a performance more wooden than the fake baby from American Sniper. The film is clearly desperately reaching for some insightful commentary on heroism and sacrifice, but with its indifferent filmmaking of insignificant events designed to pad the runtime (a scene of the trio eating gelato takes over twice as long as the foiled attack), The 15:17 to Paris is too far off-track.

#9. Show Dogs

As a dog returns to their vomit, so too does a studio decide that Raja Gosnell should have another chance to direct a talking dog movie following Beverly Hills Chihuahua and the two Scooby-Doo films. The movie’s antics contain the same poor CGI, confusing world building, and lazy jokes expected from bottom-barrel family entertainment, but Gosnell has bred something truly abominable in Show Dogs thanks to the decidedly not family-friendly content littered throughout. Gosnell’s first show-stopper is grinding the ostensible kid’s movie to a halt in order to discuss the nature of sexual consent among animals; the second, in quite the reversal, was cut complete out of the film a week into release due to its unseemly implications. If you’re looking for an entertaining talking dog picture this year, maybe put this one down and pick up Wes Anderson’s instead.

#8. The Hurricane Heist

The Fast and the Furious series excelled once it began to play fast and loose with the laws of physics, but none of that franchise’s absurdity can break one’s sense of reality quite like finding out that The Hurricane Heist, which hails from The Fast and The Furious director Rob Cohen, revolves around a sentient storm. Yes, to repeat, the hurricane in The Hurricane Heist is seemingly alive and determined to hunt down a single family over a period of years. It’s the sole unpredictable element in an otherwise rote heist film, riddled with stock characters, hammy dialogue, and repeated visits to the same low-budget sets. Certainly the most predictable part of the cheap and confusing adventure though is that a franchise is certainly not on the forecast.

#7. Slender Man

The boogeyman of internet chat boards everywhere finally crept his way onto the big screen in 2018 by way of middle-aged filmmakers who don’t seem to understand how the internet works. The laughable writing of the teenage girl protagonists indicate an ignorance of the film’s target audience, but beyond that is the film palpable disinterest in its eponymous foe. The Slender Man is a non-entity in his own feature; his undistinguishing features are lost among low-lit cinematography that makes it hard to visually distinguish anything at all. His mythos is missing and the editing is choppy. The man may be slender, but so are the plot, the frights, and almost certainly the sequel count of this forgettable feature.

#6. The Clapper

Humans are socially conditioned to recognize the smacking of two hands together in rhythmic fashion as an expression of praise. Dito Monteil, director of The Clapper, has likely been socially conditioned by years of indie rom-coms to believe that smacking together a socially-stunted male character and a female character with a quirky job will result in an affable picture. But The Clapper is embarrassingly uncoordinated, failing to prop up its quirk with any actual humor or its romance with any actual human openness, resulting in a listless (and thus on this list!) film that flails into a third-act misunderstanding involving not-unfounded stalking allegations and an overall lazy disregard for the love interest’s personhood. So, give The Clapper a hand, everyone; it needs all the help it can get.

#5. Flower

Zoey Deutch is a charismatic actor and, following a great performance in Richard Linklater’s Everybody Wants Some!!, a rising star, which makes it all the more upsetting that her efforts to find exciting roles was hijacked by the gross male power fantasy that Flower grows into. For the first two acts of the coming-of-age drama, its provocation and plundering of “strong female character” archetypes seems to be in pursuit of something profound, before a sudden tonal and plot shift sends the film floundering through successively icky developments. It’s sad seeing Deutch craft such a compelling character only for the film to weed out its good elements and reveal its sensitivity was all a charade for irritating wish fullfillment, leaving Flower to wither and die.

#4. Mute

Mute is the most painful entry to place on this list, as the passion project of the proficient Duncan Jones and the spiritual sequel to his superlative sci-fi film Moon, but just like with his big-budget Warcraft adaptation, Jones trades the sublime simplicity of his early works for confounding worldbuilding and bland characters. The director’s standard visual polish is overshadowed by the film’s discount Blade Runner aesthetic, but even that stands-out against star Alexander Skarsgård, who shrugs his way through his cipher of a character. The film doesn’t appear to care much about him either, choosing to spend an inordinate amount of time following a pedophilic character to no real purpose, just as its noir-influenced mystery comes to a dud of a conclusion. Here’s hoping Duncan Jones can return to form with his next feature, and we never have to speak of Mute again.

#3. The Open House

The infamous reputation of horror films in the January Dumping Grounds has shifted to a new low with the influx of streaming services. The same craving for endless content that led Netflix to finance beautiful works like Roma also leads them to crank out cheap, dispassionate works like The Open House. The Open House’s algorithm driven production is measurable; it’s designed to draw viewers in with a likeable enough lead and the promise of thrills… and then puts no other thought or effort into itself. Dylan Minette bumbles around an empty house and an empty town, with the occasional sharp noise or shifty side character to suggest, but never genuinely achieve, tension. Its ninety minutes of nothing, culminating in a climax that is dependent on none of that nothing, giving an early and clear sign that it’s not worth visiting everything that Netflix puts on the market.

#2. How It Ends

Like The Open House, How It Ends ends where most other movies would begin. Or, at least, movies that put any effort into their conception beyond taking a cheap, marketable genre (here, the apocalyptic road trip) and hiring a recognizable actor who is nevertheless not a big box office draw. How It Ends has nothing to say about the fragility of society, no insight into taunt relationships between men, no twist or turn that hasn’t been ransacked from better films. It’s, again, ninety minutes of nothing, designed to be easily accessible, unchallenging, and instantly forgotten. And how does that ninety minutes end? With manufactured conflict rooted in hardcore toxic masculinity and an anticlimactic cliffhanger. This is how one’s faith in streaming services’ forays into filmmaking ends.

AND THE WORST FILM OF 2018 IS...

1. Seven in Heaven

If the in-house productions of streaming services’ relentless pursuit of content are lethargic, their acquisitions of theatrical studio’s misfires are a never-ending source of fascination. Netflix had several high-profile purchases from other vendors, such as The Cloverfield Paradox and Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle, as well as several dumped onto the service with no warning or fanfare, such as this year’ s worst film, Blumhouse’s Seven in Heaven. Likely, Netflix had as little of an idea how to market the film as its initial owner Universal. It must be hard, after all, to know how to tell viewers what a film is about, when the film’s plotting is so aimless, its rules so arbitrary, its structure so faulty, that as the film rushes to its conclusion, the characters have a lengthy conversation trying to piece together what exactly mattered and what didn’t matter during their adventure. Seven in Heaven, as far as one can discern, sees two teens accidentally travel to a world where everyone follows their worst impulses. This alternate world is, of course, represented by the fact that everyone there is super into heavy metal and black clothing. This is, of course, to contrast with the normal world of non-worst impulses, where the wives in town collectively make a deck of pornographic playing cards for their husbands and then bond with their sons over them. The filmmaker’s worse impulse? Choosing to fill half of its run time cutting back from its central concept of alternate dimension mayhem for a plotline about partying teens waiting out the police that contains no horror elements or intrigue of any kind. It’s all underdeveloped, unbelievable, unagreeable, unmarketable. It’s impossible to make out what exactly they wanted Seven in Heaven to be.

NEXT UP: THE 2018 AARON FOR BEST DIRECTOR!

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5 high-quality free period-monitoring apps for contemporary women

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5 high-quality free period-monitoring apps for contemporary women

The wide variety of apps available for period tracking are legion, that is as it should be. It’s an essential part of fitness. And it took me shamefully long to find out them — I had my iPhone for nearly two years earlier than I downloaded my first tracker app.

There are specialised apps — as an example, FitrWoman, a duration tracker for athletes. But simple apps tracking cycles and signs and symptoms are all the common woman will ever want. With that in mind, here are the free period-monitoring apps I’d advise.

Clue The clue is extra neutral, thankfully than some of the opposite services. It doesn’t gift your reproductive information with a shower of flower petals and pink mist. It’s red, blue, inexperienced, and white. It’s as simplistic and easy as a pile of alphabet blocks, or a complicated as a medical chart depending on how you use it.

The clue is completely integrated with Apple Health, which makes it top-rated for iOS users who use the seize-all fitness app. It’s also available for Android.

Eve Where apps like Clue are the straight-laced whiteboards of duration tracker apps, Eve is more like a wall covered in stickers. It reminds you of your cycles in emoji-laced notifications, and each log is a colourful drawing as opposed to simple old text.

There’s also an encyclopedia of data on things like start control. For some humans (me covered), it might appear a bit too treasured to have all the reactions be snap shots. But if you like having a fitness app with character, Eve will provide. It’s available on iOS and Android.

Flo In case you couldn’t already inform, I’m form of allergic to duration apps which might be all red plants. Flo straddles the line between being like this and being toward Clue’s number one colorations. It seems like a simple aesthetic desire, however, aesthetics depend on an app you may need to use numerous instances a month.

Flo’s additionally a more toned-down model of the light-hearted Eve. Symptoms and such are nevertheless depicted in photos, as opposed to text, but it’s soberer than the latter app. Also, it’s passcode-covered for folks that opt to maintain personal topics non-public. It’s available for iOS and Android.

Period Tracker If you don’t have time for the circles and frills of different apps, then an easy calendar is your nice guess. Period Tracker is a sincere calendar where you may add the whole lot via the day. Granted, it is able to become looking just like the Global’s most distinctive day planner, however — as someone who in reality makes use of a day planner — that works for some humans.

There’s a Deluxe paid version, even though I certainly couldn’t inform you what the distinction among that and the loose version, as each appear to address the primary info in which I’m interested. Both are to be had for iOS and Android.

Pink Pad Pink Pad has some thing the opposite apps don’t: an emphasis on the network. The app’s journal-like design and vibrant colorations are attractive, but now not especially specific. Its social community-like traits are what set it aside.

You can ask your fellow participants questions concerning reproductive health, share testimonies, and supply recommendation. That’s fresh in terms of some thing this is commonly mentioned in extra hushed, borderline shameful tones in person (at least in my revel in). It’s to be had for iOS and Android.

My three Favorite Make-Life-Simple Apps

Productivity. Creativity. Mindfulness sources to carry ease and ease in your existence and commercial enterprise.

I trust all of us to desire a less complicated manner of lifestyles. A manner to stability work, existence, peace and our inner artist. Simplicity is one of the mantras I’ve been sharing with myself and my customers. Blending historical awareness with current exercise is the Tao (manner) of the YINpreneur. Today, I want to show you a number of the methods I combination those, and approach paintings-existence stability.

Evernote (free or paid, ALL devices, syncs with pc)

This current app is my visit when I want to make room in my busy mind. I can work on the fly, yet maintain it prepared in notebooks and documents. It’s the best of a report cupboard and seeks tool. From taking notes in the course of a web webinar to the usage of the web clipper to grab a fave design or recipe off the internet – be it complete or screenshot, or sending an electronic mail to Evernote. Mostly, I love that I can organize inside notebooks and add tags to prepare across notebooks – they even offer templates & spreadsheets. It is ideal for my busy, innovative thoughts. Especially after I want to seize all the thoughts floating via my head for we blog posts, podcasts and greater. The first-class component is, it really works on and syncs across all gadgets. These are just a few of the ways I use it. Free or paid.

Insight Timer (Free or Paid, all Devices)

This app is absolutely the great of historical information and present day exercise. Imagine a meditation app with your choice of singing bowls to meditate or create cognizance. Most use this for meditation, I also use this in the area of what many realize as the Pomodoro Timer – imagine an electricity hour with a sweet sound as opposed to a noisy, jarring, strength draining alarm buzzer. It is my very non-violent alarm. It facilitates me maintain centred on the stunning sound of the singing bowl. I can set it for anything time I pick out, with “caution” bells to open and near my recognition time. I can be working, but placing my purpose and beginning with that sound makes it experience much less like work and more like mindfulness practice. Need a non-distracting background sound? Set the time for flowing water, nature sounds or maybe OM chanting.

Notability (paid, sorry, only iOS, syncs with pc)

This one is my absolute preferred, pass-to app. I love it because it supports my entrepreneur and my inner artist. I can take notes on a keyboard or move antique-college with a stylus – and get back that feeling of writing on paper – I can even combination each in one document. It definitely receives to be a laugh after I upload colour, highlights, sticky notes, insert snap shots (from files or together with your digital camera), and so much extra. I can even document a communicate as I write and the app will sync the audio with my notes. Saving and analysing PDF’s to the app is a breeze. It’s where I arrange all of the PDF from guides I take. I absolutely slide them into the app from my computer. All organized in sections and notebooks. It’s my favoured for visioning, taking notes during patron calls and even organizing recipes. I can start working on my laptop and it syncs to my cell phone. I’m off and cell. Bye bye, document cabinets or complicated thoughts-map apps. This is my area for fun and agency.

I ought to write so much greater about the power of these apps. You can always strive the loose version and personalize their use in your coronary heart and mind. Hope this evokes you and helps you have amusing and make existence simple.

Hi, I am Karen McMillan, mother, YINpreneur and across the world certified, intuitive lifestyles and enterprise instruct (ACC, BCC, CUG)

My passion blending historical understanding with a modern practice that will help you gradual down to speed up your fulfilment, and recognize lifestyles and business bliss.