#young jack sparrow novels

[moontheoretist]

Reblogging again for Eldritch Horror Mermaids.

The one thing I can’t ever stop thinking about is how horrifying the Merfolk would be if the young Jack Sparrow books were adapted into a live action series. Like they’d be straight up NIGHTMARE FUEL.

This is how they look in one’s peripheral vision. The manga version is mostly accurate to how they’re described in the books.

Now I don’t have episodes for my fantasy Disney+ series fleshed out but let me tell y’all that I really want The Siren Song episode(s) to have a horror vibe. Like the music is all eerie and everything feels tense as crazy things are happening to the ship and everyone on it, and the siren song itself is super creepy and ethereal.

And then later on, Jack has Arabella in his arms underwater and he stares at the beautiful face of a mermaid in front of him. In the book she lets out a bubbly hiss and Jack startles, but on screen we’d be hit with a jumpscare and Jack screams underwater (which would make a great trailer shot btw.)

It wouldn’t be that scary because it’s Disney but The Siren Song episode would terrify an entire generation of kids 😂

[soob1nn]

MY CHARACTERS - ADULT FAME DR

REMINDER! I haven’t shifted yet, so all these is just my imagination 🤍

masterlist - main mastelist

As an actress, I've had the privilege of breathing life into a multitude of incredible roles, each one a unique canvas upon which I've painted a diverse spectrum of characters. Each role has been a mesmerizing chapter in my career, a testament to the limitless possibilities that the world of acting has to offer.

ELIZABETH SWANN - PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN

four films (2010-2014)

Elizabeth Swann is a captivating character from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" film franchise. Portrayed by me, Elizabeth is a spirited, intelligent, and determined young woman. She is known for her striking beauty, with long, flowing chestnut hair and striking green eyes.

Elizabeth is the epitome of courage and resilience. Throughout the series, she evolves from a prim and proper governor's daughter into a fierce and resourceful pirate. Her transformation is marked by her unwavering loyalty to her friends, including the enigmatic Captain Jack Sparrow and the honorable Will Turner.

However, it's important to note that Elizabeth Swann appears in only four of the five films in the series. This is because the I decided to take a break after four straight years of playing the same role. Despite my absence in one installment, Elizabeth's character remains a beloved and iconic figure in this series.

As a character, Elizabeth Swann embodies the spirit of adventure and a desire for freedom, often challenging societal norms and expectations. Her presence on screen is a testament to the strength and complexity of female characters in the realm of cinematic storytelling. Elizabeth Swann's journey in the "Pirates of the Caribbean" series has left a lasting impact on audiences, making her a beloved and iconic figure in the world of film.

BELLE - BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

(2017)

Belle, the enchanting protagonist of Disney's "Beauty and the Beast." is a character that has captured the hearts of audiences for generations. Portrayed in the live-action adaptation by me, Belle is a character of beauty, intelligence, and unwavering courage.

With her distinctive hazel eyes and a crown of chestnut hair, Belle exudes a timeless and natural beauty. Her iconic golden gown and matching accessories only enhance her charm.

But Belle is not just a pretty face. She's known for her voracious love of reading and her curiosity, often seen with her nose in a book. Her desire for knowledge and adventure sets her apart from her provincial life and leads her to the enigmatic Beast's enchanted castle.

What truly makes Belle special is her spirit. She's courageous, compassionate, and willing to look beyond appearances to discover the kindness and humanity within. Her journey from a small village to an enchanted castle, marked by her love for the Beast, is a tale of inner beauty, strength, and the transformative power of love. Belle remains a beloved and enduring symbol of intelligence, kindness, and the timeless message that beauty is found within.

JO MARCH - LITTLE WOMEN

(2018)

Jo March, a central character in Louisa May Alcott's classic novel "Little Women," is a literary icon known for her strong-willed, independent, and fiercely creative nature. Jo is a character who transcends the pages of her story and remains an enduring symbol of determination, ambition, and the pursuit of one's dreams.

With her fiery auburn hair and a boundless spirit, Jo embodies the essence of the independent woman of her time. She is a talented writer and storyteller, channeling her experiences and imagination into her works. Her passion for literature is evident in every word she writes.

Jo's journey in "Little Women" is a tale of her desire for independence, self-expression, and the pursuit of a literary career. Her character shatters societal expectations for women of her era and challenges the conventions of her time. Jo's story is a timeless reminder of the power of resilience and the importance of pursuing one's ambitions, making her an inspirational figure for generations of readers and audiences.

MARTA CABRERA - KNIVES OUT

(2019)

Marta Cabrera, portrayed by myself in the film "Knives Out," is a character with a strong moral compass, a compassionate heart, and an extraordinary ability to speak the truth. Marta is not only an integral part of the film's intricate plot but also a captivating and memorable character in her own right.

Marta's character is characterized by her humble, down-to-earth appearance and a warm, empathetic demeanor. Her simple, unpretentious attire reflects her nature as a caregiver, always putting the well-being of others first. Her expressive brown eyes and genuine smile reveal the depths of her character.

What truly sets Marta apart is her condition of involuntary regurgitative reaction to dishonesty. This condition serves as a central plot point and a clever narrative device, emphasizing her honesty and making her a key player in solving the mystery.

Marta's character is a reflection of unwavering integrity and a commitment to doing what is right, even when faced with deceit and duplicity. Her journey in "Knives Out" is a testament to the enduring power of truth and goodness in the face of deceit and duplicity, making her a character that resonates with audiences long after the credits roll.

ROSSANA MITCHELL - TOP GUN MAVERICK

(2022)

Rossana Mitchell, the daughter of the legendary Pete Mitchell, known as Maverick, is a character who embodies the same unwavering bravery and stubborn determination as her father.

Following in his footsteps, she becomes a pilot in the army and is as passionate about flying as Maverick himself.

Rossana's love for aviation runs deep, and it's a part of her identity. Her courage and resilience shine through in the cockpit, just like her father. She's not one to back down from a challenge, and she thrives in high-pressure situations, carrying on the Maverick legacy.

But it's not all about flying for Rossana. In the midst of her thrilling aerial adventures, she finds herself falling in love with Rooster, a connection that adds depth and complexity to her character. Her journey is a compelling mix of familial legacy, personal passion, and the twists and turns of love in the high-stakes world of military aviation. Rossana Mitchell is a character with an indomitable spirit, soaring through the skies and capturing hearts along the way.

EVELYN - THE SEVEN HUSBANDS OF EVELYN HUGO

(2023)

Evelyn Hugo, the enigmatic and alluring protagonist of the novel "The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo" by Taylor Jenkins Reid, is a character of captivating complexity and depth. Her life story is an extraordinary journey through the glitz and glamour of Hollywood's golden age, intertwined with profound personal experiences.

Evelyn is portrayed as an icon of beauty and allure, with her striking looks and timeless elegance. Her character embodies the essence of old Hollywood glamour, with a magnetism that captures the attention of everyone around her.

Beyond her captivating exterior, Evelyn is a woman of immense determination, resilience, and ambition. Her life story, filled with secrets and sacrifices, is a testament to her fierce independence and her unyielding pursuit of success in an industry known for its challenges.

What makes Evelyn Hugo truly fascinating is her introspective and self-aware nature. Her journey, as she recounts her life to a young journalist, is marked by deep introspection and a desire to leave a legacy that transcends her film career.

Evelyn Hugo is a character who defies categorization, a woman of complexity and contradictions who navigates the intricacies of love, fame, and personal identity. Her story is a captivating exploration of the human experience, leaving an indelible mark on both the novel and its readers.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: Top 100 Movies #50 - #26

Finally, we're in the top 50! These next movies are ones I have a little bit more to say about than the previous entries, though the real big fish to fry will be in the final stretch.

50. Cats

Bad movies like this don’t come around very often. Nearly every aspect of this movie is hilariously misguided to the point of insanity, with the special effects in particular turning what should be a campy romp into a bizarre fever dream. But this is precisely what draws me to the film! The flashes of greatness in the back half of the movie, particularly the genuinely great Skimbleshanks scene, really come together to create one of the most endearingly batshit experiences you could ever sit through.

49. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

A movie that ruined an entire generation of women or something, this is a just a perfectly stylish action comedy with one of the most absurdly talented casts around. It's a fun, silly little live action comic book romp that manages to make great use of Michael Cera.

48. Eraserhead

Now this is the David Lynch we all know and love! This is one of the trippiest, weirdest movies ever made, and it has one of the greatest effects ever in the baby. I fucking love that baby. It is one of the most digustingly cute creatures ever conceived.

47. Hot Fuzz

Edgar Wright’s Shaun of the Dead is the far more popular of his genre parodies, but if I’m being totally honest Hot Fuzz is by far the superior film. It’s just funnier, fresher, and more exciting. It also has actual antagonists and some really great and memorable lines, plus it loves Point Break and, of all movies, Bad Boys II.

46. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Somehow, by some miracle, Disney managed to make a theme park ride featuring pirates (legendary box office poison) and make it into the most fun, exhilarating action adventure films of the 2000s. I think the bonkers premise combined with playful conviction from the entire cast is what really manages to sell this movie, but I must sadly give credit where credit is due: pre-dickhead era Johnny Depp, back when he was actually a good actor and not someone cast out of pity, brought the swaggering rock star pirate Jack Sparrow to life in glorious fashion, and manages to steal every scene he’s in. The only thing that could possibly make it better is if greatest character in the whole franchise Davy Jones was in this one, but they had to save something for the sequel.

45. It

While the miniseries starring Tim Curry as Pennywise has its charm, it is hampered by the restraints of television and its budget. With more money, we got a bigger, bloodier, gorier, and more impressive take on the iconic King novel, one that might be my favorite movie based on one of his works. The new, more horrifying and predatory take on Pennywise is certainly a big plus, but I think credit also has to be given to a young Sophia Lillis showcasing her acting chops early and Finn Wolfhard before he stopped giving a shit, as well as the rest of the kid cast. The Loser Club is the heart and soul of the story, and thankfully it’s the thing this movie nails… and it’s sadly where part two drops the ball a little bit. Grown ass adults in a secret club fighting an evil clown isn’t as cool as kids doing it, no matter how great it is to see James McAvoy and Bill Hader.

44. Kill Bill: Vol. 1

Speaking of movies where the sequel just couldn’t measure up…! This is one of Tarantino’s finest works, and certainly the one that most feels like the kind of movies that inspire him. There’s blood, ore, women going on a vengeful rampage… It really is a classic grindhouse movie with more polish. Uma Thurman truly kills it (along with scores of mooks) as Beatrix Ki—Er, I mean “The Bride.”

43. Predator

One of the manliest action films ever made, and also one of the greatest halfway plot switches of all time. You think you’re getting a simple macho 80s action film, and then halfway through, BAM! It’s a slasher movie and the macho men are the prey for a terrifying killer. Our final girl Arnold Schwarzenegger only wins by embracing those macho tropes and adapting them to a new foe. I think it’s a film where you can read it on the most surface level imaginable and deeply analyze it and still come to the exact same conclusion either way: This movie fucking rules.

42. The Batman

Live action Batman movies have been good, but too many of them miss core aspects of what makes Batman, well, Batman. Even the best ones like The Dark Knight, Batman Returns, or even Batman & Robin miss a few aspects and, while great films in their own right, just don’t feel like the definitive Batman. Then one half of the dudes behind Felicity took a crack at it and boy does he get it. This is what Batman should be. There’s detective work, there’s action, there’s car chases and gadgets, and most fascinatingly it’s an origin story but not in the way you think; rather than him becoming Batman, it’s him learning to become a symbol of hope instead of a symbol of fear. Robert Patinson proves he is one of the greatest talents of his age, and Paul Dano brings a deranged campiness to his Riddler that helps keep things comic booky even in a realm of grounded realness. And then there’s Colin Farrell’s Penguin, who is so good he got his own spin off show. It has never been a better time for Batman fans when it comes to cinema; we are eating good.

41. Guardians of the Galaxy

I was a bit skeptical at this film when I sat down to watch it. I mean, these were heroes I’d never heard of headlining a Marvel film when they seemed to be hitting their stride. Then the film opened with a crushing emotional moment, and then it goes into the opening credits as Chris Pratt dances like a goober to “Come and Get Your Love.” It all clicked for me, and it only got better from there as it morphed into the greatest “group of assholes become a found family” I ever saw at the time. I do think it’s the weakest of the trilogy now; Ronan is not a compelling villain and aside from that Redbone tune that opens the movie, the soundtrack kind of sucks (“Cherry Bomb?” Fucking seriously?). But when it comes to the Guardians, “weakest” is still “one of the best goddamn sci-fi action films you’ll ever watch.” It’s nice getting a reminder Chris Pratt is actually a good actor at any rate.

40. Raiders of the Lost Ark

I think even I can concede that The Last Crusade is objectively the best Indy film. I mean, it has Sean Connery in it, after all. But sometimes you just gotta let your nostalgia take the wheel, and when it does it tells me this one deserves the higher spot. No mattter what Sheldon Cooper says, this is one of the best and most thrilling pulp action movies ever made, and one of Spielberg’s finest blockbusters. If nothing else, it definitely has the best opening and arguably the best climax of the whole series. And maybe this is a hot take unless you’re Harrison Ford himself, but Indy > Han Solo.

39. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

It’s honestly amazing how this movie got me to give a shit about so many characters I wouldn’t ever have really thought about much otherwise. Miles Morales went from a cool footnote to one of my favorite Spider-Men, Gwen Stacy went from the dead love interest to a cool and alive love interest, Kingpin went from the best mob boss villain in comic books to the best mob boss villain in comic book movies… and that’s not even getting into how creatively this film uses the multiverse and the concept of variants. It’s really no big surprise just about every superhero movie in the coming years tried to crib its style.

38. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

This movie is ass-numbingly long, especially if you’re watching the extended version (and I always do—weird bits that kind of rob suspense aside the death of Sauruman, the Mouth of Sauron, and Harvey Weinstein orc getting killed are too good to pass up) and it has about a dozen endings, but you can’t really say any of it is unearned considering what came before it. This is truly an amazing capstone to the most epic fantasy trilogy ever made, and not once in that monstrous runtime does it ever feel like any time is wasted.

37. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

This is the Western, and easily Clint Eastwood’s greatest performance ever. But despite how unflinchingly cool and badass he is, and despite how terrifying Lee Van Cleef is as the villain, it is Eli Wallach as the titular “ugly,” an all-too human lout, who manages to be the most fascinating character in the story. The final showdown is one of the greatest in all of cinema, and the Ennio Morricone score is iconic. If you only ever watch one Western in your life, make it this one.

36. The Prestige

Christopher Nolan may not know how to write women, but he sure knows how to take a batshit premise and deliver on it. This film about dueling magicians takes at least a half dozen turns, each crazier than the last, and makes rewatches oh so rewarding. Plus, David Bowie plays Tesla. That’s fucking rad.

35. Oldboy

When a film starts off with a man eating a live octopus onscreen, you know you’re in for something special. This might be one of the greatest “revenge really fucking sucks” stories ever made and one of the greatest downer endings of all time. The twist is genuinely a curveball of epic proportions, and the villain is one of the most heinous yet sympathetic you could ever hope to see. It’s a damn good movie that definitely should never be remade with Marvel actors.

34. Fight Club

I get you’re not supposed to talk about this one, but it’s hard not to considering how liking this movie can easily be misconstrued as being an endorsement of cult-like anarchism and chud ideologies. I like this movie because of its critiques of capitalism as well as its examination of the kind of guy Tyler Durden is, and also because this movie is super fucking gay. It also has Jared Leto getting his face caved in by Ed Norton. Literally every aspect of this movie is ridiculously appealing.

33. The Room

I fucking love bad movies, and this? This is the Citizen Kane of bad movies. Tommy Wiseau’s magnum opus is the sort of bad movie that comes along only once in a generation, something so spectacularly bad it must be seen to be believed. Hell, the reason I love Cats so much is it somehow manages to capture the absurd insanity of this film with a bigger budget, but this one is still better because rather than being an adaptation it is the singular vision of an egotistical blowhard who thought he was making great art. And you know what? He was right. This is the pinnacle of “so bad, it’s good.”

32. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

And you thought I was insane for preferring Glass Onion over Knives Out! Well, look here! I like the sequel so many “genius” animation critics derided as “incomplete” or “half a story.” I’m not the brightest guy on the planet, but even I understand the concept of cliffhangers and dark endings that set up future storylines; it’s like these people have never seen The Empire Strikes Back, which this is very much in the vein of. I think for me while the original film has a better and more focused story and a more interesting villain with Kingpin, the scope and the more impressive work done with the animation elevate this one above the first film in my mind.

31. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

A Guardians of the Galaxy clone based on a TTRPG that has famously had bad luck with adaptations and starring a cast of absurdly famous people you wouldn’t expect to give a damn about telling a compelling story in this setting… Truly, this was a disaster waiting to happen. But that’s just it: It didn’t happen. This is the best fantasy film we’ve gotten in ages, and a movie that is faithful to the concept of D&D. What I mean is that while it’s not literally adapting a specific storyline, it very much feels like the average campaign, to the point you can basically see where each character nat 20s and where they crit fail. You can see where the DM is like “fuck it” and has them conveniently solve a puzzle, and where they sat back and let the party fuck around. This movie gets D&D, and the entire cast is a blast to watch and they have great chemistry. We need more of these films, dammit!

30. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

Speaking of movies it was easy to write off before seeing, here’s a sequel to a mediocre Shrek shrek spinoff made years after that franchise went dormant. But the movie is so fresh, funny, and vibrant it’s like that Shrek spirit was never gone. Puss is as fun as he’s always been, and the movie manages to tackle his insecurities and grappling with his own mortality with surprising grace for a family comedy film. It also has three of the most fantastic antagonists in Dreamworks history with the anti-villain Goldilocks, the relentless force of nature that is the Wolf, and the hilarious card-carrying villain Big Jack Horner. Truly, this franchise isn’t ogre yet.

29. Aladdin

For the longest time I called this my favorite Disney movie, and how could I not? Robin Williams and Gilbert Gottfried turn in some of the best and funniest performances of their careers here! The songs are absolutely fantastic! Aladdin is a great male lead and Jasmine is a really fun and compelling princess! It got a live action remake that’s actually decent and watchable! And, well, it’s obviously still pretty damn high up there. I’ve just come to realize there’s a couple Disney films I like a little better than this after all.

28. Seven Samurai

This is basically the birthplace of modern action movies, with tropes typical of the genre put on display for the first time and unbuilt at their conception. There’s a lot of commenatry on class and the nature of samurai, ridiculous feats of badassery, and one of the most poignant bittersweet endings imaginable. There’s a reason so many other films across the years have aped this one’s premise.

27. Terminator 2: Judgment Day

James Cameron’s magnum opus, and an action film that redefines cinematic action. It’s just a damn good film with stunning action, but I think there’s a few things that need to be addressed here. For one, as much as people love hyping up Sarah Connor as some feminist ideal or “one of the good ones” when it comes to female characters, she’s kind of a shitty person for most of the runtime, only regaining her humanity and her right to call herself John’s mother with the help of the T-800. And speaking of him, Schwarzenegger truly shows off his genuinely incredible acting chops, between his comedic attempts to emote and his delivery of the most tearjerking thumbs up in all of cinema. And then, finally, there’s Robert Patrick as the T-1000, easily one of the coolest and most intimidating villains in sci-fi, which is all the more impressive since he is scary and a believable menace when going up against a mountain of a man like Schwarzenegger.

26. Nope

In my opinion Jordan Peele has gone three for three with fantastic films, and this one is not only no exception, it���s my favorite he’s made so far. Such a wacky premise delivered in an impressive way, a truly breathtaking monster design, and two of the most unnerving scenes in recent horror history, Peele manages to cement his place as a modern master of his craft.

[trickstercaptain]

CANON VERSES.

young protége

Living in the shadow of the Keeper of the Code isn’t easy for the young Jack Sparrow, particularly when he’s left to fend for himself in the pirate haven of Shipwreck Cove and dismissed for his ambitions to one day command a ship of his own. He wants more than anything to leave the island, and his life, behind, conflicted as to whether piracy is really his true calling, but it is the arrival of a charming French captain that eventually forces Jack into a decision that will unintentionally change his life.

This verse covers Jack's upbringing on Shipwreck Cove, up until the age of twenty, and the Shipwreck flashbacks in The Price of Freedom. I primarily draw upon canon established in this novel, however I also take inspiration from Sins of the Father, one of the Young Jack series. I do not consider any of the other Young Jack books as part of my canon. As far as the flashback scene in DMTNT goes, I do incorporate it, but altered under certain conditions detailed in my DMTNT verse.

five sodding years of work

Press-ganged into the crew of La Vipère after being betrayed by friend and rogue pirate Christophe de Rapièr, Jack knows he cannot return to Shipwreck Cove without facing death for breaking the Pirate's Code. After escaping from the rogue ship, he and fellow crewman Robby Greene sign on to the East India Trading Company, working their way up the ranks as merchant sailors until Jack is offered captaincy of the Wicked Wench by the EITC Director for West Africa, Cutler Beckett.

This verse covers the roughly five year period of Jack's employment in the East India Trading Company. He is hiding his piratical past and playing a very convincing role of a law-abiding merchant sailor, so unless plotted otherwise, your muse should not recognise him as a former pirate.

freedom isn’t free. it comes with the highest of costs

Now branded a pirate and having lost his soul in order to raise the newly rechristened Black Pearl from the depths, Captain Jack Sparrow finally has everything he ever wanted. He’s a pirate, a captain and finally able to forge a legend that will be immortalised for centuries to come. However, that all changes when he begins searching for a way to find the long lost Aztec treasure of Cortez with his first mate, Hector Barbossa. This verse covers the two years of Jack's initial captaincy of the Black Pearl, up until Barbossa's mutiny.

a hard learned lesson it was

Betrayed and marooned on a deserted island after giving up the bearings to the fabled Isla de Muerta, with naught but a pistol with a single shot, Jack's spirit is hardened by revenge. After three days, he barters with rumrunners for passage out of his misery, but the path to regaining his ship is a long one, and he is still intent on living his life in the interim. This verse covers the ten year period prior to Curse of the Black Pearl. Jack does not have his beloved ship in his possession at this time, however that does not necessarily mean that he is ship-less.

the opportune moment

Arriving in Port Royal on the sinking Jolly Mon, fates align and, thanks to a blacksmith and a governor's daughter, Jack finds himself with the perfect leverage to secure his stolen Pearl from the hands of his mutinous and now-cursed first mate. His only issue, it turns out, are said blacksmith and governor's daughter and the small matter of the curse that needs to be lifted. This verse covers the entirety of Curse of the Black Pearl.

what bodes ill

Now reunited with his beloved Black Pearl, Jack knows all will be for naught unless he can find a way out of the soul debt he struck with Davy Jones thirteen years prior. Vexed and bearing a compass that no longer seems to work, Jack begins a desperate search for the dead man’s chest to use as leverage, or else be damned to the depths of the Locker for eternity should his time run out. This verse covers the period from the end of Curse of the Black Pearl through to Jack's death at the end of Dead Man's Chest.

close your eyes and pretend it’s all a bad dream

Returned from the land of the dead and determined not to end up there again, Jack resolves that the only way he can survive is to stab the heart of Davy Jones, thus becoming immortal and sailing the seas forever. However, while he's been gone, the Brethren Court has called all nine Pirate Lords to a convene in a meeting at Shipwreck Cove, while Cutler Beckett and Davy Jones have joined forces to take over the seas and rid them of piracy forever. This verse covers the majority of At World's End, following Jack's rescue from the Locker.

a pirate’s life for me

Following the destruction of the Endeavour, Cutler Beckett’s death and victory of the pirates over the Armada, Captain Jack Sparrow returns to his pirating ways, still seeking immortality after sacrificing his chance at stabbing the heart of Davy Jones so that Will Turner could live. When interacting with Jack, this functions as my DEFAULT VERSE: any unspecified canon threads will default to this point in his timeline.

Unless specified for a particular thread, I will ignore the very end of At World's End and Jack will STILL have the Black Pearl in his possession.

home is wherever you are

Canonically sticking to the end of At World’s End, with Elizabeth going on to bear Will a son, Henry, after he sails away on the Flying Dutchman to carry out his duty for ten years at a time. With the absence of a father in the young Henry Turner’s life, Jack slowly and unconsciously begins to fill that gap through his visits to Shipwreck Cove, which in turn become more and more frequent as he develops a bond with a boy he comes to think of as a son in all but name.

This verse leads directly into my DMTNT-era verse, set nineteen years later, and assumes a familiarity with Henry that is not present in the movie itself.

our sands be all but run

After hearing word that his first mate, Joshamee Gibbs, is being tried for his own crimes in London, Jack mounts a daring rescue attempt -- and ends up embroiled in a venture by none other than Edward Teach to locate and covet the spoils of the Fountain of Youth. In the process, he is reunited with not only an old flame, but his beloved ship, magically trapped into a bottle.

This verse encompasses the entirety of On Stranger Tides and the years afterwards, prior to Dead Men Tell No Tales, as well as any AUs where Jack is seeking the Fountain of Youth.

bad luck dogs you day and night

After a series of near-disasters culminate in the release of Captain Salazar from the Devil’s Triangle ( a once famed pirate hunter now cursed and out for Jack’s blood for trapping him in the first place ), Jack must team up with his stepson, Henry Turner, and the female astronomer Carina Smyth if he hopes to find the Trident of Poseidon – an object with the power to break all curses in the sea. Due to the issues I have with the continuity and characterisation of Jack in this movie, there are a number of alterations to canon detailed HERE.

beyond my beloved horizon

With both his ship and luck finally restored, and a family reunited on land, Captain Jack Sparrow has everything he needs to repair his shattered reputation once and for all. The only thing left is for him to figure out what to do with his simian namesake, now in need of a new master.

Just as a note, this is NOT my default verse.

[rescuethewretched]

sarah! 💖 for your ask game:

✈️ What’s a place you’ve always wanted to visit?

📚 What was your fave book series growing up?

I hope you’re having a great week!

jess the light of my life hello!!!!

Place i’ve always wanted to visit- I’ve always wanted to go to to ireland. I feel like this may be a basic answer but between the beautiful scenery and the attractive accent 🥰 it is for me

My favorite book series growing up- There was this novel series for kids that was like all about captain jack sparrow from potc but as a young teen pirate?? I LOVED those

[livingfictionsystem]

Jasper Morgan Harvey: August 5th. Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Aries Rising. (He/Him but She/Her only when in drag). Homoflexible, Homoromantic. Bipolar.

Theme song(s): First We Take Manhattan by Leonard Cohen.

Fronting Frequency: A couple of times a month.

Born in August of 1902, Jasper Harvey and his partner, Jack, were orphans and petty criminals in Chicago, Illinois, until the Prohibition, which was arguably the best thing that could’ve happened to either of them. Starting from the ground up from a trainyard smuggling ring, he and Jack created a bootlegging gang known as the Rail Kings, who even caught the attention of Bugsy Moran and Al Capone. Jasper was known for being creative, flamboyant, impulsive, wily, and always down for a fight. Born as an androgen-insensitive intersex person, Jasper chose at a young age to primarily present as male. However, he did explore his gender a bit more and found he was perfectly content with taking trips to New Orleans and pretending to be a flapper girl by the name of Jazz. He has asserted, looking back on his life, that he probably was more non-binary than male. His life was marked by manic highs and sinking lows, which he tried to self-medicate with a tumultuous combination of cocaine and booze. Jack was closest to him, and even became educated on medical science in order to keep his transgender partner out of medical offices. Jasper died in December of 1933, drowned in the Chicago River by a rival gang. He identifies now as a past-life of Xanthe’s. He’s typically active when watching or reading anything like his life in Chicago, and is very much involved with a novel the host is writing of his rise and fall as a bootleg kingpin. He’s Sparrow’s adoptive father, having taken him in when Sparrow was homeless in the inworld.

[moontheoretist]

What a beautiful day to remember that Jack Sparrow actually never officially stopped being the King of the Merfolk.

He just off-loaded the ruling privilege onto Tonra, saying that Tonra can be his first mate and skedaddled, so I am pretty sure mermaids are like “Yeah, we have a King, but he is busy now, so please speak to his Regent over here”, while Jack is gallivanting around the world.

Jack accidentally stumbles onto a mermaid one day: *tries to quickly think of the way out before he is eaten alive* Parley!

Mermaid in the meantime: My Lord! It’s so nice to see you! Here, have this, and that, and that, oh and do not worry about my sisters. They’re just excited to meet you again after so long! While you wait for us, please let us do our job and just rest. *goes to eat sailors*

Jack Sparrow who was just sat on the chair and fed some food by a mermaid: *very confused, because he forgot he is a king*

[reinbewpastel]

Today I sit here broken hearted

that I’ll never get to do a cosplay group of the Barnacle crew 😪

[marquisoforder]

Ranking the Nine Princes of Hell from TSC from the least to most sexy

(Technically 8 cause Lucifer is just a chair but eh)

8) Coming in at dead last we have Asmodeus cause I hate this generic white man energy he’s giving here. He’s the demon of Lust cause the only way he could get bitches was by tricking and manipulating them. He’s serving Frankenstein’s Monster had a baby with a CEO from a yaoi hentai realness here. The Worst of the Demons? More like the Worst Dressed of the demons! Black tie with a white suite? 🤮Sir are you out of your goddamn mind? Did Raphael bonk you on the head until your fashion sense left? -1/10 you are simply hideous sir

7) Coming in at number 7 we have Mammon looking like Jeff Bezos’s capitalistic wet dream. How are you literally all about money but still look tacky as hell? This man shows up to the MET Gala in a tux with no effort whatsoever I can just feel it in my bones. All these eyes but you still couldn’t locate a better fit. I was gonna ask why he looks constipated but then I read the part where he eats blood and gold for every meal so he’s obviously suffering from indigestion. (And it shows king, it really shows) 0/10 - Do fucking better and get a plastic surgery or a proper diet with all the money you are hoarding up

6) At number six we’ve got Belphegor. Honestly I’d have ranked him much higher if it wasn’t for the goat skull situation going on there like what’s up with that king? Is this a political statement? Or are you just taking covid precautions? Either way I can’t rank you higher than six with that face. (Even tho the body is definitely 1. Like you mean to tell me a demon with abs like those is the demon of laziness? He ain’t lazy if he’s grinding in the gym which he apparently is cause he’s legit shredded.) also kinda cute that you were married to a mortal. Maybe if they pegged you you wouldn’t have denounced the institution of marriage. (Try it next time. I’m certainly up if you are 👀 haha jk unless 😳) 5/10 - Sorry about your goat head

5) On the position of number five we have the one and only Leviathan! He’s not a fallen angel! He’s not like other girls! He’s edgy, he’s sensitive, he’s sad, nobody understands him. He kins Ebony Dementia Darkness Raven Way. But in a sexy way. I like what you’ve done with the hair. Paired with completely black eyes he’s essentially the perfect Scene Boy™️ from back in the day. He would have been Tumblr famous. Even now he has the capacity to become one of Tumblr’s sexy man (derogatory) cause he has the same vibe as Jotun Loki. 6/10 - No Comments cause I’m worried he might actually just eat me.

4) Belial is number four cause while he’s definitely good looking there’s something about him that screams I’d Mansplain Your Own Period To You. Probably invested in Bitcoin and trying to overheat the planet to death. Not gonna lie whatever he’s doing with his hands is actually giving model, it’s giving Timothy chalamet, it’s giving white boy who paints nails and wears rings and doesn’t shut up about it. The hair is actually really cool and I wish my hair looked that effortlessly good. Whatever hair products you stole from Brad Mondo, I want some rn 😤 6.5/10 - idk still kinda basic tho

3) Moving on to the top three we have Azazel! I liked him when we saw him in TMI. He’s giving fuck boy archie andrews here. Probably says baby girl unironically. Are his pants sagging or are they two toned? That’s a secret he’ll never tell. The reason he was cast down from hell is actually because god was jealous of that one lock of hair that falls perfectly across his forehead. His nails are done, his hair is perfect, his abs look rock hard. All in all has that all-American rugged good looks to him. 7/10- red hair actually looks good on you king keep it up

2) Our runner up is none other than Astaroth! Look at that serve! Look me in the eyes and tell me this man doesn’t belong on the cover of a cheap erotica novel about fallen angels!!! The glance downwards, the wings bared, the contrast of the red cloth with the black wings!! He did not come to play because for Astaroth, the world is a runaway and he’s a model. The luscious hair and the sexy torso scars truly sets this man apart. I’m not big on selling my soul but for you king, I’d fr put that shit on eBay for 50 cents. You think you were misjudged and pleads your case? Lemme be your defense attorney king, I’ll fight God in a Denny’s parking lot for you no questions asked. 9/10 - Unlike Belphegor I still believe in the institution of marriage so ahahaha 👀😌 iykwim

1) And finally our top boy from Hell is… none other than Samael himself! That cute lil feather on the hat paired with that Jack sparrow red scarf really shows he knows how to work a fit. The rolled up sleeves got me 👀 at his forearms like I’m a Victorian man seeing a bit of ankle. This demon legit looks like a man young Taylor Swift would write a song about. He’s young, he’s hip, he probably has a fashion tiktok and does mad transitions from outfit to outfit. 10/10 wouldn’t do this man’s sexiness justice cause he’s simply too sexy for such a trivial scale.

[thenightling]

Long live the Pumpkin queen or Sally vs. The Sandman

Okay... Why did no one tell me that the new Nightmare before Christmas novel “Long Live the Pumpkin Queen” is pretty much Sally vs. The Sandman?!

Most of the book is about Sally finding her place as the new Queen of Halloween.  She becomes so overwhelmed by her role that she wanders off and finds a crescent moon door.  This turns out to be the door into... The Dreaming or Dreamtown.  And within there is a large, heavy gate around The Sandman’s domain.  And he dates back to at least Ancient Rome so yeah, it’s Morpheus.   This is Nightmare before Christmas meets The Sandman and no one told me. I feel like I accidentally fell asleep while listening to the audio book I just downloaded and my mind decided to merge my childhood favorite, Nightmare before Christmas, with Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman.

Much like the version of The Sandman from The Real Ghostbusters animated series this version is running amok and putting people to sleep everywhere.  Sally learns who she’s up against from a leprechaun in the Saint Patrick’s Day realm, which I guess he knows about this because he’s from ancient folklore too.

  Oh, yeah, there’s also a giant Dreaming library.  There’s no way in Hell there weren’t any Neil Gaiman influences in here when Shea Ernshaw was writing this.

There’s a very weird surprise reveal that Sally is actually one of the dreamfolk.  She is of The Dreaming.  She has parents there.  She wasn’t actually created by Dr. Finklestein after all. She had been lied to.   But why?  In the original Nightmare before Christmas movie we see Dr. Finklestien bring other creatures to life.  Sally’s replacement and the skeletal deer that pulled Jack’s sleigh.  I’m not going to worry about it.  Something tells me that much like the Maleficent tie-in novels, the Hocus Pocus sequel novel (which has nothing to do with the sequel movie), and the Young Jack Sparrow Pirates of the Caribbean books this will not be considered canon by anyone.    

 But this is why The Sandman’s sand doesn’t work on her.  Because she is of The Dreaming. ...er... “Dreamtown.”   Apparently Dr. Finklestein had known of the ancient other worlds of lore and beliefs and kidnapped Sally at age twelve because he wanted a daughter.

Apparently Dr. Finklestein gave her a forgetting potion so she’d forget her life in the dream realm, including her real parents.  And he unstuffed her original cotton stuffing and replaced it with fall leaves to make it seem she was always his...  Umm... Something tells me Tim Burton and perhaps Henry Selick will not consider this canon.

Oh, yeah, and there’s a dream town butler who is suspiciously like Lucien...

And apparently tea is the preferred beverage in the dream realm so that’s why Sally has a knack for teas and potions.   (Who were her real parents again? Cain and Abel?)

 Apparently this version of The Sandman was the ruler of Dream town but he was cruel and greedy and over worked his subjects and he fed on dreams. (So...  Morpheus before his timeout bubble or Nightmare from Marvel comics?)  He had been over thrown and the wall had been built to keep him out and away from his dreamsand but Sally accidentally set him loose.

 Sally’s parents destroy the grove of doors to other realms to try keep The Sandman from returning from his rampage of putting the multiverse to sleep...  

Sally finds a door in a cemetery to try to get home and thinks the word “Queen” and accidentally ends up in Queen Elizabeth the Second’s office.  This book came out just a few months ago but already this scene is strange and dated but the encounter makes Sally more determined to act as the Pumpkin Queen and save her realm.

 Sally figures out how to put The Sandman, himself, to sleep using a magical tea she brews from Halloween town ingredients and pouring it into the town fountain and Zero (Jack’s ghost dog) helps her by pushing The Sandman in the fountain.  Somehow putting The Sandman to sleep wakes everyone up from their sand induced sleep.

 Okay, this part is kind of funny...  All of Halloween Town and Dream Town try to decide what to do with The Sandman and ultimately decide to just chuck him off a cliff but then he starts to wake up and ...he’s changed. He’s no longer malevolent and psychotic.  He just needed a nap. In all eternity he had never slept before and never had known how it felt to sleep or dream until that moment.

Sally gives The Sandman her recipe for Halloweentown tea so he can experience sleep again if he wants to (I keep imagining it as Bigalow Pumpkin Spice tea even though it’s not).  (All he needed was a nap!  That’s funny and cute).  Dr, Finklestien gets one hundred yeas community service in Dreamtown.   

Sally decides to change her stuffing with autumn leaves and puffed cotton since she is both of Halloween and The Dream realm.  And she gets unlimited access to Dr. Finklestien’s laboratory while he’s serving his community service.   A shame about her first twelve years of life memories being erased and never restored though...

 The Holiday tree grove is magically restored. And the realms have their first UN style meeting.     

This was very surreal.  The idea that Sally wasn’t really Finklestien’s creation is strange to me and hard to get used to but Sally vs. The Sandman is kind of cute.  This does sort of explain that one line where Oogie Boogie called Santa Claus (Sandy Claws) “Sandman”) but supposedly only Dr. Finklestein knew about the crescent moon door that leads to Dreamtown.

[nanowrimo]

Change the World With Your Writing

If you’ve ever looked at what’s going on in the world and thought, “This should change, but I don’t know what I can do about it,” Young Writers Program participant Natalie G. is here today to encourage you to use your talents and change the world with your writing:

Words. Words are all around us. I just used words. 10, to be exact. Words make up life as we know it. What we say, what we write, what we read… it’s all words! Words are important. They are one way that we express ourselves. We use words to speak, to express opinion, to express thoughts, to express feelings. Words matter.

Let’s go back to the part about opinions. We all have opinions.  Now, you’re probably thinking: “Yeah, I have opinions… so what? Everyone does!” Most people have opinions over things like certain foods, sports, colors, animals. Other people have bigger opinions, too. They have opinions about the world, about modern-day problems, and bigger issues.

But then there are people who don’t have any opinions at all. There are people who go through life without worrying about the world around them. They don’t worry about the issues of today. They choose not to see those problems. They may have “reasons” for ignoring the problems of this world. Some of those reasons might be as follows:

“Why worry? Those problems aren’t affecting me, anyways!”

Or...

“Why should I worry… I can’t do anything about those problems, anyways.”

That first excuse is for the people who don’t care about the people and the world around them. But I want to focus on the second excuse. That excuse is used by a vast majority of people. There are so many people out there that believe they have no control over the issues in their world, and they believe that they can do nothing about them. 

You may be one of those people. That’s okay… keep reading;  I’ll give you a reason to give up that excuse.

Let me start with this: you can do something. We all can. 

The fact of the matter is that most of those problems our world faces today were created by humans in the first place, so guess who can fix them? Humans can. We can. There is no problem in this world which can’t be fixed. You might be wondering now, “Okay… nice thought… but what does this have to do with words? You took kind of a drastic turn here.”

Well, believe it or not, words are one of the solutions to those problems which our world faces today. Yes, words. You can use your words to fix those problems. You are most likely reading this because you’re a NaNoer who likes to write. Writing involves words, doesn’t it? So change the world with your writing. 

Instead of being that person who believes that they can’t change the world, be the person that changes the world with their writing. We each have a voice which we can express beautifully in our writing. Here are some ways which you can change the world with your writing:

Write essays! Essays are a very powerful form of writing which usually revolves around a main topic.

Speeches. Speeches are forms of inspirational, uplifting writing. Combine your writing with your active voice, and you have a very powerful tool. 

Poetry. Poetry can be very powerful and inspirational. It can be a great way to make your point in a meaningful way!

There are so many other ways that you can change the world with your writing! It really depends on your personal writing preferences to find the form of informational writing which best suits you!

These are all ways in which you can change the world with your writing. And don’t be afraid to share your voice. Many people who could have changed the world were stopped in their tracks by others who doubted them. Don’t let others who doubt your ability to make a difference stop you. Because if no one else believes you can, I do. We can all change the world with our writing. One. Word. At. A. Time.

Natalie is a dedicated writer who is known for making her novels too long and then not revising them. Besides writing, she loves to read and play softball. She goes by many titles, some of which might be bookworm, creative nerd, and Anglophile (lover of all things British). She has an absurd affinity for old TV shows, Anne of Green Gables, and Pirates of the Caribbean. You can usually find her curled up in front of the TV watching Jack Sparrow be a doofus or James Bond defuse a bomb.

Top photo by Greg Rosenke on Unsplash.

[bmacreadz]

"Daughter of the Pirate King" by Tricia Levenseller

In her debut novel, Tricia Levenseller has me obsessed. I have always loved pirates. When I was little, I had so many books about pirates, but I've never actually read a fictional story involving them. And I don't think I'll ever be able to read another without comparing it to "Daughter of a Pirate King." This is easily a new favorite on my very short list of favorite books. I was a little worried when I first picked it up because it is another book geared toward attracting young adult readers. However, that thought was far from my mind once I started reading it - which goes to prove that good stories transcend reader ages and backgrounds. This story is one to be read, no matter who you are. I've seen many reviews comparing Captain Alosa to Captain Jack Sparrow, but I believe she is a character all her own. She is clever, witty, and strong, and the perfect female lead. I wanted to so badly to be in her world, fighting and scheming with her as she found her way around the dangerous games she played. I have several favorite characters in this book and others that Tricia Levenseller wrote to be so vile, that I hated them (yes, hate).

This author has ruined me, I think. I was on a reading spree just recently - reading everything and anything that even looked remotely good. Now, I don't think I can read another book until I find the second in this series, "Daughter of a Siren Queen." I read "Daughter of a Pirate King" in one single evening without putting it down once. I was entranced until midnight when I finally finished, and I'm warning you now - you'll want the next book on your shelf before you finish this one.

[trickstercaptain]

Do you think there’s any way Salazar’s story could work with the canon from the books? Despite all the chaos of the last movie, he and his background was one of the things I loved, and I feel like connecting some things from the movie and books actually makes sense.

like what if it was the rogues that angered Salazar to the point he thought of every single pirate as monsters who knew no mercy? It would also be a good reason behind Teague’s worry that if they kept roaming around the seas, there will be navies from different countries after them. They already had Salazar and defeating him was hard enough. It would explain why Teague’s ship changed from the Misty Lady to the Troubadour too.

hello anon! this is a great question and honestly I think the Salazar stuff can absolutely fit in with the novels! tbh this is almost exactly how I’ve fitted it in for my own personal canon: DMTNT famously fucks with the movie timeline but assuming that Jack is 18-20 in the flashback scene, that coincides with the Shipwreck chapters of TPOF when the biggest threat to the Brethren is the rogue pirates. not a lot is made of the threat that the rogues would pose to wider civilisation/the European naval powers since the politics within the novel is contained to Shipwreck, but I’d argue that the reason Teague and the Court want them dealt with is not just because they’re breaking the code, but because of the sort of situation you’ve just described. if a naval commander like Salazar encounters these pirates and decides that they’re all bloodthirsty violent murderers who will slaughter a merchant crew and burn what remains of the ship, then that creates a real threat to the pirates who are not quite on that level of sadistic lmao.

so I think it’s definitely plausible that Salazar may have encountered those sorts of pirates at some point and that’s why he goes on his murderous rampage to stamp them out. also the “final stand” he describes with the pirates (of which Jack is a member) is left stupidly vague, and with Teague appearing at the very end of the flashback in a blink-and-you-miss-it kind of role, it can only really be some kind of last stand mobilised by the Brethren Court ( maybe not all of the Pirate Lords since, y’know, the implication is that the ship crewed by Jack which is not the Wicked Wench because that’s not canon compliant is the only one to survive, but enough of a delegation to try and stop this Spanish dude lmao ). 

you can also arguably still make it work with book canon in regards to Jack’s role too. instead of it being the Wicked Wench, instead of the captain dying ( even though Teague is also on the ship? why is he not the captain why does this movie make absolutely no fucking sense ) and passing on the mantle to Jack at the tender age of 18 years old ( which is absurd; even at 25 when he gained captaincy of the Wench in TPOF, he was a very young captain ), Jack is simply crewing on Teague’s ship as he did during that TPOF era of his life. Jack is the only one daft enough on the ship to come up with the plan of the bootleg turn and, lacking any other options, Teague begrudgingly agrees to it. the crew respect Jack a hell of a lot more after that badass moment of his, but nothing ultimately changes in his life. he doesn’t gain the compass, he isn’t named Jack the Sparrow by Salazar lmaoooo, he isn’t given his iconic pieces of clothing as tribute, he isn’t suddenly made a captain for no fucking reason, but he has shown real ingenuity that is a sign of what’s to come for him and is given his first taste of being in charge that propels him forward to that ultimate moment in TPOF when he lays eyes on the Wicked Wench/future Black Pearl for the first time.

honestly I would argue that the flashback scene is easier to fit into canon than the entire rest of the movie lmao. like the rest of DMTNT entirely hinges on assuming a twenty year time jump since AWE to justify Henry and Carina’s ages which is what ultimately fucks with the timeline. the flashback? aside from those gripes with how it establishes Jack becoming the Jack Sparrow we know from the movies in one fell swoop rather than it, y’know, developing naturally over his life between that flashback and the start of CotBP as would make sense for any normal character, it’s really very solid. the young Jack aesthetic? is chefs kiss, to this day I love it so much and that is what canon TPOF Shipwreck-era Jack looks like to me. everything Jack does in that sequence? is the most in character he is in the entire fucking film lmao. I do think that the flashback and book canon are easy to mesh and to this day I still find it hilarious that it’s the only part of DMTNT I genuinely enjoy, when in the run up to the film’s release five years ago, especially after watching the trailer, it was the thing I was most skittish about.

[period-dramallama]

Review: Beauvallet by Georgette Heyer

Can't believe this is a DNF but life comes at you fast

Oh boy did this book disappoint me. I feel bad not finishing it, Heyer was one of the great adventure writers of the 20th century. And honestly? The first chapter was awesome, I loved it, I was having a blast, but then by page 50 I had had enough. I just kept thinking about all the books I'd rather be reading and honestly?? That's often a sign to put the book down and read those books instead. This was a book I was looking forward to finishing, not reading.

So basically dashing English privateer Nick Beauvallet captures lovely Spanish noblewoman Dona Dominica and her father Don Manuel. Dominica pretends to hate Beauvallet but of course she really likes him and he swears to make her an Englishwoman before the year has gone by, after he drops her and her dad off home in Spain. To marry her means sneaking into Spain which is perilous because he's a famous privateer and many Spaniards long for the honour of killing such a nuisance to their king.

Of course, we know what will happen: Beauvallet will win and marry Dominica. The suspense is how: what cunning feats of derring do will our hero have to pull off. And honestly... I don't care.

Don't get me wrong, I love pirates. I love Jack Sparrow, i love Hector Barbossa even more. I do not love Nick Beauvallet. I want to push him overboard. Frankly, he's a Gary Stu. Even his enemies admire him. Don Manuel is like "if you weren't a heretic I'd gladly marry my daughter to a man of your high spirits."

All 3 of the Georgette Heyer books I've read, including this one, have the heroine hate the hero at the start and fall for him by the end. Given the size of her bibliography maybe I just happened to hit on the only 3 books where she writes this narrative, like a Georgette Heyer fruit machine. But after 3 of the same setup, it feels predictable.

One thing I didn't like about the setup was how Beauvallet swears he'll woo and marry her when she's been vocally nothing but disdainful to him. Given her expressed dislike of him, him saying he will woo her anyway feels like treating her as a challenge or a prize, not a person. So their back and forth didn't feel all that charming.

Another thing that grated on me was him calling her 'child' like yeah maybe it was meant to be like 'baby' but given she's a young woman it felt rather infantilising.

I wonder if times have changed when it comes to expressions of anger. Heyer heroines often pout, or stamp their feet when they're cross. To me, this makes them look like spoiled children having a tantrum even if they're in the right. Maybe in the twentieth century it wasn't seen as babyish for a woman to stamp her foot or pout.

There's also a kiss that arguably is non consensual given that she didn't invite it (though secretly she wants him to kiss her of course).

And as I was expecting, the Black Legend is alive and well. Plucky England is freedom, stoic Spain is repression. Of course Dominica reads Lutheran texts secretly. Can't have our hero fall for a devout Catholic can we? No no no!

Also, I'm amused when pirates are like "attacking Spain is OK because she's cruel to the natives and greedy!" Like buddy... you going to give any of that looted gold back to those poor natives? No? Then shut the fuck up, you're a thief too.

(That's not to say there wasn't collaboration between indigenous peoples and the English, see Kaufmann's Black Tudors.)

I get that a novel from 1929 is going to have values that chafe modern sensibilities. But there has to be something that makes it still enjoyable. There's a nice level of historical detail, the prose is enjoyable, but I'm just bored. Apparently there's a good female villain later in the book, and lots of spying and sneaking around Spain, but I can't be bothered to stick around for it.

I've said it before (implicitly re: The Man on a Donkey) but I'll state it: a book where you have to wait for it to get good, or have 'persistence' with it, is not a great book. A book doesn't need to be thrilling the whole way through, but that's no excuse to make the first half boring.

[moontheoretist]

I would seriously love to just read a fanfiction in which Movie Jack meets the YJS Jack and shenanigans ensue.

Movie Jack clapping hand over YJS Jack’s mouth and awkwardly retreating like a crab in 3.. 2.. 1.

@before-the-black-pearl