#youd think id consider them horrible now

[rafyki]

You know, I wrote some very very good Percico fics back in the day, and I kinda want to translate them to English and post them on AO3

[bubblingstream]

been wanting to make another warriors blog for a while but i finally caved after writing up stuff about my new ocs and not knowing where to post it. im just copypasting this directly from an info dump i made so it's not extremely well organised LMAO but here are said OC ideas :]] im probably gonna spend quite a bit of time on this blog just building on them and drawing them tbh. that's the plan anyway

so imagine a cat becomes a medicine cat apprentice, and when they finally go to meet starclan at the moonpool instead of like.. awe, wonder, admiration etc. this idea of all powerful godly ancestors that can apparently predict fate and maybe even control it according to some cats, and watches them constantly.. fucking TERRIFIES this cat. like he is absolutely shitting his pants level afraid and he becomes gradually extremely paranoid about it all. he tries to keep doing the medicine cat stuff but eventually begs his leader to let him just become a warrior to try and get away from it as much as possible. and it helps but not.. a lot? hes still afraid and struggling.

it also turns out he's also had a pretty rough lot in life up til now, which doesnt help bc if these starclan cats control everything why has he suffered so much? what did he do to deserve it? bad things continues to happen and he questions it more and more. he feels like hes watched constantly and even like hes being punished for something he did, even though he doesnt know what his crime actually was. this makes things even worse.

at some point because of all this he runs off maybe? but he misses his family and clan and he also feels watched still no matter where he goes. and maybe something horrible happens to someone he cares for while hes gone and he blames himself for it because he left and thinks starclan decided to hurt his loved ones for it. so he becomes afraid to even leave the clans and doesnt attempt to run away again.

mind you, in the meantime starclan hasnt caused ANY of this. the things that happen are unfortunate coincidences. but he has no idea and after actually seeing what to clan cats basically counts as God Himself™️ hes a wreck. the books always show meeting starclan as a positive experience but i feel like it's something youd need at least some level of willpower for. youd need the right mindset. not just anyone can become a medicine cat and communicate with their ancestors. it's a big deal and some cats ,id think, just wouldnt be able to do it.

hes called whisperingstorm, he has a littermate called bubblingstream. his mother had other litters so he has many siblings but that's the one he knows best and grew up with. he also has an older brother maybe. dovesomething im thinking. bubbling has his own set of issues but im still figuring out how to make that work. another litter in his family is two more kits who are gonna have matching names, this serves to contrast bubbling and whispering who have conflicting names (they have rather different personalities but they also just. dont get along despite bubblings initial efforts to bond with whispering). bubbling as in excitable and upbeat, then when he grew up stream became his suffix bc hes actually rather.. not that basically. yknow how when ppl picture streams they see a calm, gentle stream that some would consider a relaxing visual? like that, as well as their family having a water/weather theme to their names. hes quiet and slow worded, not much to say. compare whispering, something quiet and soft, then when he got older his suffix became storm because of his explosive, high energy and honestly aggressive personality. so not only do they oppose each other in personality, their birth names themselves wouldve better suited them if theyd been swapped around as those are juxtapositions as well. whispering is loud and aggressive, bubbling is quiet and softspoken.

the reason whispering and bubbling dont get along is cause.. well, whispering is a prick, to be blunt. but hes like this as an active attempt to push people away bc of trust issues. he cares a lot about bubbling, he just also thinks anyone being close to him = him inflicting his 'bad luck'/'curse' (see: STARCLAN IS OUT TO GET ME) on others.

eventually it works and bubbling gives up trying to support his brother for his own sake because whispering goes anywhere from mildly mean to downright verbally abusive trying to get bubbling to go away and the guy cant really keep dealing with that. and whispering hates himself for it but he got what he aimed for so.. yeah.

not sure where im going next with this but i want. drama. but not murder. none of them are gonna be murdery. it's a very family issues and trauma and mental health kind of theme i want going on here. yeah someone will probably die bc that's just kinda a given in the clans but not from killing. i can enjoy warriors ocs that go and kill cats for one reason or another but between them and canon i want something different for once, and this is what i want to create to achieve that. plus running off somewhere and coming back to find out, say, a family member died of greencough or something? it's harder to pin a blame on anything material there. as opposed to a cat from a different clan outright killing them in battle or something.

this is where my blog url came from as you can all guess lol. that's all for now while i finalise things like the names of their other siblings, make solidified designs and come up with more stuff.

[obitv]

more ask games yippee..! 18 for vyncent and 27 for whoever

18. How do you think they were as a kid? (Like, were they shy, noisy, wild, etc)

HE WAS A LITTLE SHITHEAD he was really cute about it though. the kinda kid eho youd catch with his hand in the biscuit jar and his face covered in crumbs but then hes do doe eyes at you and you have to forgive him. and then he helps you bake more cookies to make up for it and hes REALLY determined to help even if hes struggling because he is a small child. he had a fucking arsenal of wooden practise weapons and hed go out and play adventurers whenever he could. any time the greats left for an adventure he would try to sneak in with them and they always caught him but like. hes like their collective nephew so they just shake him upside down a little and then send him back home. i cant actually remember what class vyncent IS in dnd but he definitely wouldve been training as that for a few years before he went to prime. very much wanted to be able to protect his home :(

27. If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who would be the most fun for them to meet?

well because im insane i want to lock william and sasuke in a room and ser what happens. for science. fr though id want gillion to meet either albedo genshinimpact or drumbot brian themechs. they all have themes of morality and destiny (albedo is also a harbinger of destruction being manipulated onto that path, brian literally. is a prophet. but he cant be straightforward with his prophecies so he tends to just doom everyone). but thatd on a like a "i think their discussion would be really interesting" level i think the most fun.... chip and jdv feels like a copout and also considering jonny "has been convicted of every single nonsexual crime in the galaxy" dville is very pro mass slaighter and chip. i mean hes less upset about it now i suppose so yeah those two. theyd do horrible horrible things to the surrounding area

[detectivehole]

Go comic feral, i followed this blog for a rEASOn and it's bc i like to hear your random vents and rants and also you reblog cool stuff. But i digress, go comic feral i am hERE for it

fine

PETER PARKER BEING RICH IS STUPID  he didnt even ern what he has himself it was nt even himn he wasnt in his body maybe if i had got to see him start fron nothing to being a cool ceo or whatever id be able to stand it but nooooooo he just GOT is for nothing so it feels stupid like “ha ha what if like tony stark haha” its DUMB and i haven’t read a spider man comic for a long time

deadpool/spiderman crossover comic bad. feels out of character a lot. funny concept and full of funny jokes but as far as characterization its bad in my opinion- was made to capitalize off the hype of the ship and we all know it

don cates should be banned from writing comics bc he fucking sucks and ill never forgive him for what he did/tried to do to venom

deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good dea

the venom movie was a lot of fun but it was very ooc a lot HOWEVER seeing some of the cut scenes and scripts you can see that it used to be actually fairly in character for the comics but a lot of scenes with eddie establishing himself as not actually the most nicest of guys (not that eddie isnt a nice guy deep down but he is a good amount fucked up with a big ol hero complex and a problem with ‘i can do no wrong” mentality sometimes) were cut and considering how the fandom for the movie treats him i can see why the cut those bits out bc i dont think movie goers would have liked him as much wich is a shame bc he is a good guy at the end of the day just fucked up

straight white male comic fans are the worst people in the world and breaking their fingers is a daydream i indulge in 

matt murdock is a himbo

foggy nelson is a good man who deserves better friends

i can tell what deadpool comics someone has read based on how they characterize wade in their fan works and i have a 80% success rate with it. the most common was the daniel way run but now its the spider-man/deadpool crossover series

soulda used miles for the mcu spidey instead of cannibalizing his story for parts like they did. dick move, Disney

mcu bad

i think just the idea of dc’s Red Tool is fucking hilarious but i dont like his character at all

batman and superman should fuck but they wont :/

matt and foggy should to but the comic industry is afraid of making long running characters lgbt bc theyre WEAK

deadpool need a canon bf they cant keep telling us hes pan and not showing us for reals- hell he could just go on one date or be shown having a one night stand or something- something beyond a damn joke

cable gay. no i will not listen to any other opinions.

im excited to read moon knight i have a book waiting i just have to finish my current one

SCUD the disposable assassin is the most underrated comic EVER and i LOVE IT however i think it ended stupid and bad however it went on fucking hiatus for like a decade and then was rapped up really fast so any ending is a godsend

i desperately want a long-form stand alone series abt wanda wilson bc shes the perfect foil for a good Feral Dumbass Woman comic. think abt it; shell sell immediately bc of recognizable brand, and then she can just go on violent stupid adventures without any of the other dp corps. it doenst have to line up with any canon i just want insane lady dp adventure comic. this is an unreasonable dream but mine none the less

i though that agent venom was stupid

tank girl is fucking amazing and i love it i never understand whats going on and i enjoy the confusion

reading early hulk comics feels like watching a weird, poorly produced old black and white sci-fi soap

there needs to be better, more easily accessed, official reading-order guides published and posted on the walls of comic shops everywhere

the 80s and 90s were the best time for marvel comics and no one can tell me otherwise. that was peak comic time

the worst time for comics was the 2000s and early 2010s

sometimes i am shocked by the art that gets the editors pass in comics. some of it is so bad and im not even talking about the disproportionate ladies

the lego marvel and dc movies are way better than the live action movies and im not even being sarcastic

seriously the 2000s made some horrible comics

i feel like committing acts of mass violence every time someone says comics arnt real reading/stories/implies theyre worth less of any value than a novel

i read the first deadpool comic i got so much that the art itself is so ingrained in my mind that people have shown my just the corners of panels and ive identified them correctly

i distinctly remember the first time the woman at the book store stopped asking me for parental permission to buy the comics i was getting (12yos) because i went there so often that she just remembered who i was and that the adult would say its fine

i refuse to talk about comics with people at cons because i am gatekept or flirted with every single time no matter what and there is no in between. and yea its because i have tits. youd think that eventually theyd learn but gross comic men never do and all the others have adopted the same policy as me so the closest i come to positive comic interaction at cons is standing in the same vicinity as another chick, looking at the same section, and the kinda smiling at each other

i think the avengers are boring. really really boring. the x-men are way better

i related to gwenpool too much when she first started and it scared/offended me so i stopped reading for a while until her character developed more and we stooped being so similar

i have spider-man bedding. i picked it out only a few months ago. its good it makes me feel cool in a very uncool way

watching spider-man as a kid made me wanna be a scientist. watching batman as a kid made me want to do martial arts. i ended up failing chemistry and falling on my face a lot instead.

i had a huge venom toy and a huge spiderman toy as a kid and while i did make them fight a lot i also made them hug just as much. i wanted them to be friends

on that note PETER IS MEAN TO THE SYMBIOTE NOW AND HE DONT EVEN HAVE A REASON NO MORE hes just such a dick about criminal reform eddie and the symbiote aint special with this- he says he believes people can be better but he really doesnt show it. he tends to think people are set in their ways and while this makes sense forthe most part considering how much hewas bullied as a kid/adult (that also contributes to his mild “i protect my own” mentality  tho at least he consciously fights that one) it stil pisses me off

i can think way more but i need to sleep i think

[theyrealllegends]

Careful (Roger Taylor x Reader)

Chapter Summary: You’re not the only one who’s developing feelings but Roger is too, trying to have you close to him at first, but then he’s trying to forget you over way too much scotch. This is how both of you get sick and he takes care of you again. 

Author’s Note: It’s Roger’s POV in this chapter, yeeet! (Please don’t @ me I can’t tell you why and if you don’t like it I’ll never attempt it again, I promise)

Words: ~2k

Warnings: I’d rate this mature because (and this is a spoiler) someone’s masturbating aaand there’s drinking again and eventually someone has to throw up

Chapter 4

Previous Parts: Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3

I couldn’t fall asleep that night because Tiffany never left my head: her reddish-blonde curls, her incredibly green eyes, her lips for fucks sake - I needed that. I craved being close to her, to feel her, to hear her breath like I’d never wanted anything else. The boys had noticed that I was hitting my drums harder than I usually did while messing up their rhythms and I knew that they knew that something was off but they wouldn’t mention it if I got myself under control before our next gig tomorrow night. I just didn’t see how that was possible, when I was now here, lying awake and only the thought of Tiffany’s voice made my whole stomach feel light, in the best way possible. I had no idea how long I’d been staring in the dark but I was seriously contemplating to go out and either get drunk or find some girl to do whatever it took to distract myself. I just couldn’t let myself think about what I’d do to her if she hadn’t been this innocent little princess I saw, every time I looked at her. Even though only my refusal to think of that was enough to give me a hard one, already. I swallowed hard as I carefully touched myself and I stopped trying to shake the thought of her because I knew I couldn’t while I was masturbating - what would it feel like to bury myself in her body, feel her skinny, yet strong legs wrap around me and see her losing herself in my thrusts. God, I just wanted her to feel as good as she made me feel when I got into the kitchen to a prepared breakfast, when I didn’t feel like a dumbass because she’d make me study and when I managed to make her laugh. I gripped on my own hair at the thought of her laugh, trying to imagine it were her tiny hand and her skinny fingers pulling on the strands while I held back a moan. Tiffany Abberforth was the most precious human being on this planet and I’d have to protect her with my whole life, I knew that for a fact. 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“You wanna join me tonight?”, I asked her, when I met her in the kitchen the next morning. Probably I was being selfish to try and get her out of the comfort of our flat, but I wanted her to be closer to me anytime. She was reading some book like the smart girl she was but she put it away as soon as I tried to talk to her. 

“Where are you going?”

“The boys and I have a gig and I thought - since you’re freed now - you might like…?”

“Are you trying to make me drunk two out of three nights in a row?”, she called me out in a joking tune and it made me smile to see her that relaxed. 

“Of course not, but I’d like you around me two out of three nights in a row.” Damn, she had no idea what she did to me when she blushed. She looked down at her hands, seemingly battling herself to a decision. “No pressure, Tiffy, if you’re there, you’re there and if not I’ll still play for you.”

“You know it’s not because I don’t want to hear you play, right, Rog?”

“Do I?”, I asked and leaned my head to the side a little too let her know I wasn’t completely serious. 

“I can’t see myself enjoying your show in a huge crowd at all, it scares me, especially since I wouldn’t know anyone watching you, too and I - “

“You can join us for our rehearsal on Friday, if you prefer that.”

“That’s perfect”, she immediately agreed and I felt great about it. It relieved the thought of being rejected, at least. 

“We can have dinner after, if you’d like.”

“We always have dinner, Rog.”

“No, I mean, you and me - and the boys if we can’t get rid of them - having dinner in a restaurant, if you’d like.” Now I was the one blushing, I feared, as she looked at me in surprise. 

“Yeah, I think I’d like that”, she said after a moment and I smiled at her. 

“Me too, Tiffy.”

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I knew I shouldn’t really - even though there wasn’t anything exclusive about Tiffany and me, there wasn’t a “we” if it came to anything else than talking about our shared flat situation, but I still felt guilty and like I wasn’t supposed to let all the girls approach me after our gig. 

“Hey there, sweet boy”, one of them purred, “How you doing, love?”, the other one said and “You did so amazing!”, I heard a third one while they really gave me a hard time to move forward, just trying to get to the bar behind Brian. Their hands were all over me and I was glad I didn’t wear something too showing or open, even, and it wasn’t that I didn’t like it, I just felt like it wasn’t fair. I wasn’t looking for anything they had to give me, instead I was trying to figure out which of them reminded me the most of Tiffany, really, and I knew that was just wrong. 

“Thanks, girls, but let me have a drink first, would you?”

Of course I ended up buying the three of them drinks and I hated to admit it, but it was kind of a given that I went outside “to smoke”, only to make out with one of them, finally letting go of the thought of Tiffany’s emerald green eyes. I didn’t enjoy the night at the girl’s place - as if the universe wanted to punish me, really, for drinking myself into a state where I didn’t only forget about the girl’s - or Tiffany’s - name but also about my own, to a state where I didn’t care about anything anymore, trying to find relieve in it. I couldn’t even remember the sex for the love of god, only assuming it was good, by how the girl was cuddled against me, how our clothes were all over the floor. But the mattress woke me up, squeaking and poking into my back, which didn’t make the pain in my head any better. I just stumbled to grab my clothes and left, unable to look back at the girl or respond when she called for me, only heading for the door. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the hole situation getting the best of me, but I didn’t make it really far without throwing up and horribly cursing myself. I’d done dumb things but they didn’t really compare to last night. 

Also, when I got home, there was light in the kitchen. It was an early morning and I knew, Tiffany was one to get up before sunrise but couldn’t that girl let herself get some rest once? She was reaching for the medicine cabinet, when I stepped into the kitchen, feeling her eyes on me and suddenly realising that I could easily be covered in my own vomit, if I was as unlucky as I felt that moment. 

“You need help?”, I asked nonetheless and the worry in her eyes got wilder as she heard my hoarse voice. 

“Where have you been?”

“I couldn’t tell you her name, even if I wanted to and I really shouldn’t have gone”, I tried to explain, unable to lie to her, or stand her quizzing look another second. “I feel sick, man, I had way too much scotch last night.” What would I do next, call her “mate”? This is really a great way to safe your ass out of this situation, seriously, keep going, Taylor, you’re doing great. 

“Makes two of us, though”, Tiffany murmured and stepped away, acknowledging that she was a bit too tiny to reach the pain killers. I reached up, to hand them to her, unable to look her way - mostly because I was really aware of the bad taste in my mouth and I didn’t want her to smell me in the end. 

“What’s wrong, love?”, I still asked, scared that she wasn’t alright. 

“I get sick after every exam period, really and here I am, coming down with a fever.”

“Then, hush, to bed!”, I said, grabbing her to make her move and tug her in, before I could escape into the bathroom. “I’ll make you tea and get you soup, you just stay there, you hear me?”, I rambled in the process of getting her into her bed. I started brushing my teeth, while I went into the kitchen to put some tea water to a boil and looked through the cabinets for soup, realising I’d have to pick some up at the store. That wasn’t half bad in the end, because it forced to make myself look somewhat decent and I could get new cigarettes, cheese and toast at the store too, so I could at least eat some terrible breakfast when I came back to find Tiffany asleep. 

I prepared the soup as it said on the pack and carefully carried it to her night stand, before I sat down next to Tiffany and softly ran my fingers over her face to make her wake up. Her skin was really clean and soft, but it felt hot to a point that I wished I knew a doctor, a better one than myself, for sure. 

“Wake up, sweet girl, you need to get your soup down, so you’ll get better.” She smiled at me weakly and tried to move to a sitting position, so she could cuddle against her bed’s headboard and slowly eat the soup I held for her. I watched her eat in silence while I sat next to her, my legs crossed on her mattress, realising I should turn her heater up for a start. The tea water had gotten cold while I was gone so I reheated it, to finally make the tea she needed and I looked at her in her bed critically, while she sipped it. “Tiffy, do you want me to get you more pillows?”, I asked because it was kind of impossible that I had more pillows than she did, right? She giggled at me and moved her head for me to come closer. 

“Rog, you’re acting like my mom - worse, actually, because she doesn’t consider you sick as long as your bones aren’t broken.”

“But -“

“I just need to rest, don’t worry”, she didn’t let me interrupt her. “You should go, so I don’t infect you.”

“I won’t leave you alone, unless that was your attempt to kick me out.”

“No, it wasn’t”, she explained and I felt relieved. She didn’t seem to be angry at me or the way I’d spent my night and that made me feel a little less sick. 

“Good, then”, I said and slipped under her covers. Her eyes were on me, looking a little shocked, otherwise just intensely focused on me, as I moved towards her to rest her head on one of my arms and spoon her. “You fine, love?”

“Yes, but you don’t have to -“

“But I want to”, I whispered into the back of her neck. 

“Thank you”, she murmured, shifting around a little to get the most comfortable.

“I was worried, when you didn’t come home.”

“I’m so sorry, Tiff”, I told her again, honestly. “I really shouldn’t have gone.”

“Glad you realised that”, she mumbled and it made me chuckle a little. Her breathing became slower and deeper when she feel asleep and I hummed one of the songs, the boys and I were working on, to fasten up the process, until I eventually fell asleep as well. 

Tags

@crazyweirdocalledfriday @discodeakyy @blondecarfucker

Let me know what you guys thought 💕💕

[cielospeaks]

f-h thing

s: bias yes, but i rlly do dig them, even in regards to story stuff. hrid has a really refreshing take on someone who doesnt blindly trust the order/askr, and most of his allegiance is bc they hecking saved his life. laegy is just wonderful and deserves better. plumie also tends to get boiled down or her wish to have someone care abt her gets... overplayed, but i like that shes the character who has “horny powers” but utterly abhors them.

a: pretty good characters imo. loki and thorr are really fun, shame they only appear as event npcs now, or to forward the “askr” plot. i like using them in fanstuff bc of their moral difference from humans, it makes for rlly nice conflicts. speaking of conflict, helbindi and ylgr’s friendship puts them both at this tier (as well as helbindi’s motivation and kindness to kids). also ylgr gets points for calling out jackasses in forging bonds. triandria gets this tier bc even tho shes often forced with her boss in maps/ect, her story isnt so bad. laevy is also pretty great, and i wish shed appear more as the last living royal in muspell, since youd think thatd be important.

b: just kinda ok. not bad, but not great. all the free characters are abt here, tbh i think peony could be higher if not for the bad “plot twist” elements. gunnthra and mirabilis are also here, while they dont suffer from bad plot elements like a lot of the free characters, they dont rlly have an impact to me, good or bad.

c: eh. they have faults but basically do what they are supposed to in story. all the villains (from 2/3/5 so far) are here. 2/3 villains are kinda meh, but theyre ok as far as villains: they abuse their kids so we have a reason as the player to want to fight them. i think otr and even fafnir could be higher tier if not for “plot twist” stuff for faf, and the forced incest tones for otr.

d: no, just no. i really do not like these characters. hate is a strong word, but i dont like them at all. all the book 1/askr and embla characters are here. tbh id put the parents maybe a tier higher just for not being as horrible as their kids, but considering the stuff in forging bonds maybe its fine like this. i also really disliked both royalty from book 4 and could not sympathize with their motivations or how they treated others at all. i also dont like the newer characters- the jotunheimer characters are to me just the picture of delusional, spoiled royalty and make me wish we could see characters in these worlds that arent the crown heirs, like just regular people living in those worlds (helbindi is close, and i think laegy and laevy are also closer, as well as the nifl ones considering their world was destroyed). i also dont like the “dragons” storyline, its opening some things to write, sure, but i really dont like it and have no interest in it. to me its just these ancient dragons playing with the lives of people who are already dead for shits and giggles, and i have no reason to sympathize or feel anything towards them.

[wiccanscauldron]

My job sucks and i have to quit

Sorry for the rant but i feel like i have to say this and i know my bosses wont listen.

I work at a dog daycare/ hotel. In theory its the best job ever and at first it was. However, as time went on I realized its a nightmare

Ill use different names to protect their identities but well call my supervisor lizzy. And the two girls who got promoted to shift leads rebecca and candice.

Lizzy is the lowest on the platform of managers. She’s considered a manager but doesnt make big decisions for the business like the managers do. Shes called a manager but shes just a supervisor.

Rebecca use to be nice when i was in training and candice always appeared to be timid/ laid back.

The owner recently gave people promotions and raises or bonuses and once rebecca and candice got their promotions they changed. Rebecca is now snarky and questions me 24/7. Candice is now bossy and always points out shit for me to do (even though we have the same job, hers just now includes a possibility of longer hours and a more flexible schedule).

Last Wednesday i went inside to do some cleaning (we always have a cleaning list) and Rebecca questioned why i wanted to clean. I told her its a part of my job and since there were 3 other people in the yard, it shouldnt be a problem for me to go clean something (it was an extremely slow day, dogs were all sunbathing and sleeping). Not 10 minutes later candice comes in telling me i have to go back outside because its too crazy out there and they need my help. So i go back out. Within a minute of being out there Rebecca says “im going to take my ten minute break.” When she comes back i go for a “bathroom break.” I check the cleaning list and the bitch did everything. THEY TOOK ME OUT OF DOING MY JOB SO THEY COULD GET TO IT FIRST.

A couple weeks ago i was on a closing shift with lizzy and i was going through the unwritten cleaning list we had to do before we leave. we had an hour left and it was actually getting cold because i was outside spraying the yard with enzyme (stuff that takes the pee smell away and replaces it with peppermint) and i went inside and put my work jacket on and started folding laundry that had just finished. The door bell rang and the last daycare dog was picked up. So i locked up and went back to folding laundry. Lizzy comes in and says “you know you have to clean rooms before we leave right? You cant leave rooms dirty over night. What are you doing?” I explained to her that i wanted all daycare dogs to go home before cleaning or id have to clean each room individually but i was doing laundry and wanted to finish them before moving on to cleaning. She then made it seem like i was packing up and leaving and abandoning my duties and cleaned the 3 rooms herself angrily. For the next week Rebecca and candice made me go inside and clean every single room that had been slightly dirty. Im sure lizzy told them and they took it as a way to pick on me.

At my job people talk a lot about their dogs and you can bring yours in if you want. My dog passed away last year and i haven’t gotten a new dog since but i still talk about her at work when the opportunity presents itself... or i try. Lizzy and candice bring their dogs in almost always. Rebecca only brings her dogs when they need a bath. They will talk to eachother about their dogs and the adventures they go on, their quirky personalities and funny stories. They always move away from me while talking and if theres a third person they always block me from the conversation by standing in front of me. When i start talking about my old dog they talk over me and pretend i don’t exist. Most recently they talked about going on hikes. Rebecca talked about taking her dogs on a concrete path hike on a very hot day and her dogs getting severely injured. I was shocked that she would do that. Thats not only extremely irresponsible but also mean. She talked about how stupid she felt afterwards and everyone comforted her saying “its not your fault, you didnt know” which could be true but when i start talking about taking my dog on a long walk next to the beach and railroad tracks and her chasing the birds they disperse immediately and ignore me completely. That day i left the yard without saying a word and made myself look busy inside until it was time to go home.

My last straw was today. We had a puppy bowl as a fun activity tying into the superbowl. Which really just means they put tape on the yard making it look like a foot ball field, gave bandannas on dogs and let them play with football toys. Rebecca, candice and lizzy used it as an excuse to not do any work saying the puppy bowl took a lot of their attention away from their duties and got away with it. Which left me to do all the cleaning for my closing shift. I started cleaning at 4 and didnt get fully done until 9:10. My shift was supposed to end at 9. I didnt stop for a break or even water. Sounds like an exaggeration but its not. I finished the cleaning list within an hour. One thing on the cleaning list took a lot of time after the hour but i included it as part of my other duties. Before we leave we have to let the dogs go to the bathroom one last time and i was gonna use that time to clean dirty rooms (there were 15 because Rebecca, lizzy and candice didnt do anything, normally there are only 3-5) i had to clean the glass on all the doors (each room has a glass door) refill the dogs waters, clean up any mess, feed some of the dogs that arrived late for boarding, dishes (which was doubled since no one did anything today) and laundry. All of that on top of front desk asking me to get daycare dogs to give to their parents (there were about 30 dogs at the end of the day). At the end I realized i was doing everyone’s work and chances are id still get criticized for not doing a good enough job. I started getting heavy chest pains accompanied extreme feelings of dread and depression. Im the only person at my job who does their job and gives a shit about the dogs. 90% of the time i clean up after the dogs. If there is a cleaning list, im on top of it. If a dog is injured im the only one who takes care of them, im the only one who cleans off their eye boogers and makes sure the shy ones get any attention. When they start picking fights i dont yell at them and pin them down. I get them to play with someone else instead of fighting (and ive been told im too nice in the yard). I give more of a shit than anyone, im picked on repeatedly and im ignored. Only one person has noticed my hard work and when that person told others they began to ignore him too. I have done nothing to make anyone dislike me and yet i am the outcast. Is it because im the youngest there? (im 21 btw) i think it is because they fired The youngest most recently and everyone picked on her too. (She was 20) i dont think i can tell management because they ignore anything they dont want to hear and they cherish Rebecca, candice and lizzy more than anything.

So now im looking for a new job because a part time minimum wage job should not have to make you feel like youd rather die or give you horrible chest pains.

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 56 - 62

This has been a hard one. So you know how Ramadan is the month you fast and al and your supposed to strengthen your spirituality and all. Well Ramadan went well Alhamdulillah but it is more like all these things happened to me this one week more compared to during Ramadan. 

So I started walking on the treadmill. I planned on 2 hours a day but ended up doing one hour everyday. Well when i decided on 2hrs it was what i ‘preferred’. 1hr, duh, is the ‘minimum’ and more than 2 hours is highly appreciable but im still proud i could at least do the bare minimum this week yay! well proud is exaggeration tbh, im just not panicking and depressed  because I maintained the bare minimum but im not like ‘happy’ or impressed cause I dont see any progress. But then again, the way i define ‘progress’ is kind of too high standard as always so yeah I am kind of harsh on myself ‘as always’ again so maybe I am kinda doing okay i guess. well but bottom line, im not really ‘impressed’. 

Aha ok so theres that. then um oh! me catching cold after coming from Makkah, Well in the beginning i was sooooo tired for a day or two like i couldnt function at all. But then yeah all the classic symptoms started to arise. coughing, sneezing, throat irritation, blocked nose, runny nose, greenish sputum, difficulty breathing. Oh God, you name it! so I have been on medication for a week now and I have to continue for another 1 week. And its just not going away yet. like its there, constant! except for just last night when my throat wasnt itching much and luckily i could sleep like a babyyyyyyyyy for a change after a week. Oh so this whole week I used to go to bed around 12 to 1 or at 2 latest! Now whether I could fall asleep is a different story. Well most of the nights I did try to fall asleep like till fajr and i could like sleep for an hour or 2 max and then I would just wake up from coughing so much. and then Id just lie down till fajr and then get up and pray and then go to bed. 2 of the mornings I worked out after fajr and then took a shower and then slept around 7 in the morning. 

during the day, well i wake up always keeping in mind that I should not miss zuhr so lol that mean i kinda wake up usually around 2pm or even later sometimes. Since im talking about the entire week, this is like what i did majority of the days. Some days i woke up earlier though. but maybe thats like a day or 2 out of 7.  So its so hot during the day, like you dont even need to ‘move’ and youll already be sweating! I totally hate it and I have never been that tired of any weather ugh. Like I totally love winter now. not cause idk its fun or something but like i hate summer so muchhhhhhh that yeah i can basically go like i love winter 

Ok so the week kinda started with me being kind of tired mentally. parents were in the middle of a huge argument so yeah the whole atmosphere in the house was kinda blue and then I started eating so less and then starting with the treadmill and all and well it was just a bit tough to move from a phase to another. I wasnt having negative vibes and all but i just wished for more from life. I mean sometimes it is kind of too much to take. I get all the stuff about life not supposed to be perfect and how it is just temporary and how we should not get attached to worldly things. Yes all of that is cool and i get it but then when you are actually experiencing those ‘downs’ in life, youre obviously not going to be ‘okay’ with it and ofcourse youll wish things were better or youd just feel mentally drained out - despite knowing the entire “concept” of life - 

So yeah thats the phase I was in for a few days and then after a lot of thinking how I suddenly got out of the phase was when I was thinking about how every single person is subjected to life is a completely different way. Like you can never compare. You might think your life is horrible and so much shit has happened to you and everything and maybe someone else who never had to face anything similiar to the ‘shit’ you went through. Well maybe they had to experience something else. Something you are too blessed to even be aware of. What I am trying to say is how sometimes we wish for things is life and other people have it, that what you want. Or maybe they dont have what you want, but then in general it seems like there life seems ‘happier’ than yours. Well I dont really think it is true anymore. I kind of think everyone goes through almost an equal share of good and bad. and how do we define what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’? Well we just cant tbh. Because what might seem good to me and I would wish for could be something someone has and feels cursed with. I mean its all about perceptions. So someone maybe suffering in their own way but you are not just seeing it. Basically the point is, 

We should always be thankful, be patient and keep breathing. We should be aware of how our life is not going to be a compilation of scenes you get to watch in movies or be picture perfect. And we also need to protect ourselves from getting attached to anything or anyone so much! We need to be okay with letting go of things or people if we ever have to! And we also need to know that every single person out there ~ Everyone’s life is perfectly imperfect. Yes, of course I cant really disagree to how some people might seem to have better lives but then again, all the hardships you go through, you are being tested and you are being rewarded for them so at the end of the day it all balances off. 

So I was kind of really bored with life in general and also my days were boring too. Well theyre still pretty much boring but like i was also bored of life. Then I started thinking of certain people who are having more boring lives than mine, and who dont even have the blessings I am gifted with. And everything started to just get more acceptable. And then I started thinking of my brother. I mean its so cool he is going to move to Canada in like less than 2 months inshaAllah and all. I am really happy for him and wish nothing but the best of the best for him and all but but but.. I mean just think of it. At first I was thinking of my some of the people Ik who arent really in a pretty place maybe because of financial reasons. Then there were people that came to my mind who arent in a pretty place because of just family reasons. And then ones who are just simply having to work a bit harder and so theyre not at a pretty place. Some who are away from friends, family because of life. So yeah. then I started thinking of my brother. I mean he is going to move soon and he will be living in a dorm and I mean he will be in Canada in one of the top 5 universities in the country and he has a scholarship. MashAllah that all sounds so great. Something Id want too but but but. then i started thinking of life in general. I mean he will be living on his own. He doesnt have to cook though, he has subscribed to a meal plan so he doesnt have to worry about preparing his food. but like living alone in his dorm room. I mean coming home every day to his room. Well cool thing though he wont be sharing a room with anyone and he will have his own toilet and stuff but then again, i mean he will be alone. Im not saying that an alternate scenario could be one where hed come home to his family and woah everyone would be partying and laughing and smiling and all. I mean even when he is at home right now he is like always in front of his computer busy with his own stuff and all but like idk Id still prefer coming home and having some other humans who are family. Atleast once in a while you know. or maybe its just me. but then still, i mean uni and studies are stressful enough, id just want to see people i love around! And yeah that is one of the main reasons why I didnt finally decide to study abroad right after high school! 

So yeah then I started realizing that there are so many ways I already am blessed. Even on every one of my ‘boring’ days, there are blessings i am encountering which many people arent getting even on their normal days. Yeah that kind of cheered me up! 

So this week, more like this month or like the entire 2 months will be about my bro lol. I mean theres a lot of shopping to do. like clothes, toilet stuff, laundry stuff, bed, pillow, shoe, laptop, tootpaste, mug, spoon and what not. literally everything. I mean its actually fun. Like you go to a shop and literally anything you touch, is something in the shopping list for him!! i mean normally somethings are like just too basic, youd never in years touch them in a shop cause like you have it, its there!!! but for him, have to get everything since he will start from scratch! 

Ok so now about myself! Well like i said, the week started pretty rough because of the whole change in phase. parents fighting, me not eating much considering how food is one of the means by which i look for comfort, and then life just being boring in general and then how getting on the treadmill is such a pain in the ass in the first place and not to mention the extremely hot temperature these days and then you dont really see any difference. I mean duh. DUHHHHH howd i even be thinking to see any difference? I mean i KNOWWW its too soon for any difference but like all these staying patient emotionally, mentally about so many different aspects in life..It all can get pretty heavy sometimes!!!! Oh and then its like i really really really love myself. Like a LOT LOT. now like i said, once you already love someone, I mean, well, to fall in love ofcourse the person needs to have good qualities most of the time but then like once you already love someone, you love them despite their imperfections. Well, thats how you love ‘another person’. but when you love yourself. Forget qualities!!! you love yourself regardless lol! Where I am getting with this is!!! I mean right now, i really am not AT ALL happy with my body, like not. at . ALL. Infact I have never been this unhappy about my body ever in my life. And also I kind of feel really dumb. Like wow, Alhamdulillah whatever I did in my exams and all, i am thankful for that but like as a person in general. I really dont feel smart enough plus I literally dont remember anything i studied. like i actually wonder how tf did are they just not there in my head anymore. Like i definitely did study them or else i wouldnt pass my exams so now where the hellllll did all that go awaaayyyyy whatttttttttt

yeah so 4th year basically you need to know your shit. like you actually need to know what they taught you in the last 3 years. like youre actually be walking with doctors and interacting with them one on one. its not going to be like the last 3 years where like it doesnt really matter whether you are alive or dead, asleep or awake. like you just make sure you have your name signed. so theres the attendance part covered. and you make sure you finish every lecture and to do that you have time till before you enter the “exam code” on your laptop and start the exam!!!! You see, now! you actually need to know shit, you actually need to go see patients with the doctors and even without the doctors, you need to go to patients, and take history from them which TADAAA will be in arabic. oh wow!! So yeah if you dont know arabic you need a friend/ translator! yeah and then you need to tell your history to your doctor in english thank god lol :p but like yeah, and you ll be in small groups of 6 - 10 with a doctor and like he might bring up a disease he wants to discuss and SURE af it wont be something they found out about 2 minutes ago. ofcourse it will be something we are expected to have covered in the last 3 years or uni and you cant just go like. OH I never heard about it!!!! Idk what it is!!! Ok lol i guess im freaking out now. 

Anyways so what i was saying. yeah so not happy with my body, plus i think im really dumb and then its just TOO DAMN HOT i cant do anything, I CANT EVEN MOVE. so yeah its pretty disturbing! Also not to mention how not eating much is so hard Ughh! 

Ok so i have been typing for over an hour now. I kind of think I covered everything I wanted to blog about for the whole week but like Im not sure and I dont want to read all what i wrote right now cause its already so boring cause its like always in my head anywaysssss and yeah thats one nice thing about blogging. Ahh. like once i hit the ‘post’ button and then woah!!! all these thoughts just turn into feather in my head!!!!! hahaahh!! 

But i still do read what i write again everytime, prolly at the end of the day to make sure nothing is ‘misunderstood or sounds completely opposite of what I actually wanted to say and all. blablaaa. So yeah if somethings mssing, ill fill it up

okay enough blabbering. Tataa!!!!!! :) 

[chinon]

imma junior in high school and im so scared of college oh my god, i'm not even fully convinced that im gonna make it that far, i feel like that's literally my only option after i graduate that's not forcing me to immediately act like an adultTM but honestly i'd rather get mowed down by a truck

ok tbh college isnt as bad as i make it seem... like if you keep up with the work its not that bad. i have hella missing/late assignments rn so im stressed af trying to get those done as well as keeping up with the current work bc i have an.....incredibly horrible time management and procrastination issue and poor self-control lmao... 

tip: if you have issues with time management and procrastination as well, work on them in high school. you have the rest of junior year and then all of senior year to improve your work ethic (if thats an issue for you) so you wont get behind in college

Overshare(TM) time but also it has a point ok: junior year was Hell for me bc that was the year my mental health Plummeted,,like to the lowest level of hell lmao it was real bad and thats when i started seeing therapists and psychiatrists and had my first hospitalization and first suicide attempt. my mental health was horrible and i couldnt function and i was literally failing (as in F’s) or i had a D in all of my classes. it honestly felt horrible bc id been in advanced classes since i was 6 and id always been an overachieving, perfectionist, A/B student you know my performance was really good (even tho i was still mentally ill...but it was manageable) all up until junior year,,so going from being able to get into almost any college i wanted to a 1.something gpa junior year was horrible and it stressed me out even more and added to my poor mental state and i was so fucking scared i wasnt gonna be able to graduate and i no college would ever accept me and i wouldnt be able to go for my dream of being a vet and id be a disappointment to my whole family bc im supposed to be the doctor of the family but i failed at everything right ?? lmao senior year also sucked it wasnt as bad as junior year but it was still really bad. had a few more hospitalizations and another attempt at offing myself and more F’s and D’s and missed a ton of school. it got to the point where my fucking ap lit teacher suggested that i consider dropping out l m f a o it was bad and i was so scared and i’d already been heavily considering just dropping out and getting a GED for those two years but after she said that to me i actually got really pissed off and i was like fuck that im not dropping out im gonna prove her wrong. i was still scared i wasnt gonna graduate bc of how low my gpa was but i wasnt gonna drop out right ok anyway i got to graduate on time and with my class!!! i graduated with a cumulative 3.2 which sucked for me but it felt so good and i was so happy and relieved when i found out i was gonna be able to walk and it felt so so good hearing my name and walking across the stage to get my diploma i cant even describe how i felt tbh anyway my point is you can and you will get there ok you will graduate. and you can go to college if you want to

yeah when you go to college youre technically an adult but like a semi-adult like youre saying. and some of the other options like going straight into the workforce kind of shoves you into adulthood right out of college but i think its doable.

tbh high school teachers make college seem so difficult and scary but.....its not. i was honestly terrified as well but its not how they say it is at all. “papers without names get thrown away they dont ask whose it is!!!” is a damn lie. “profs dont accept late work or give extensions!!!” is a got dam lie as well smh. “youre on your own with your work. dont get the content? your only option is a tutor!!!” fuckin lie ok profs have office hours and literally all of my profs so far have said to feel free to visit during office hours if the content isnt making sense. they also mention getting a tutor, but theyre always happy to help explain things as well.

best thing is you get to make your schedule!! you pick what time you want to take a class and you get to pick which prof you want for that class (always check rate my professor; if the semester starts and its still in the beginning and you dont like your prof you can withdrawal from that class and sign up for a different prof of the same class if you want). if you know you are having trouble with performance and functionality for whatever reason, dont take a bunch of classes in a single semester!! its literally your decision!! idk about other schools but at my school to be considered a full-time student and to still be eligible to live on campus, you have to sign up for at least 12 credit hours (most people take 15). omg credits,,ok i had no idea wtf anyone was talking about when i was in hs and they would mention credits lmao so i wanna share in case you (or anyone else) dont know (see it below!) also, you can go about taking classes at your own pace. i failed my classes last semester due to mental health shit and a few more failed attempts to off myself and another hospitalization lmao but so i have to retake all those classes. evidently im behind. i know i cant handle 15 credits until my functionality improves and so at this point in time it looks like i wont be graduating in the usual four years but thats ok!! i have disorders that affect my functionality so i cant do things at the same pace as other people right now and theres nothing wrong with that. if i graduate in four years then cool and if i dont graduate in four and instead five years...then cool...ive accepted and come to terms with that. i could take summer classes to get back on track tho so remember thats always an option if you get behind if you choose college!! 

credit hours: ok so to be considered full-time (at my school, not sure about any others but i cant imagine them being too different tbh) you have to register for at least 12 credits for that semester. one class is usually 3 credits so signing up for four classes in a semester would consider you full-time. if you sign up for 5 classes that semester thats 15 credits hours. if your class has a lab in addition to lecture (usually science classes), labs are 1 credit so its separate from the lecture. so say you signed up for four classes but two have labs that would be 3+3+4+4=14 possible credits for that semester. if you pass a class you get all the credits and theyll be added on to your total credit hours. so (from the last example) if you passed all four of those lectures plus the two labs, youd get all 14 credits added on to your total credit hours. the rest of the classes you pass for your whole undergrad work gets its credits added to that total. i hope that makes sense??

everything seems scary rn but i promise whatever you choose to pursue is doable. good luck and try not to stress about it too much ok youre gonna be fine i promise

[freshb8]

So, today marks one year of me going to college.Let me tell you, this has been possibly the roughest ride I have ever been on.

I started off as a Naive, extremely hopeful and somewhat delusional 18 year old guy. I mean hey, for someone who has spent majority of their life indoors everything is rose-tinted. I thought I was gonna study, party hard, fall in love and lead a generally happy life!

But little did I know what lay ahead in store for me. Im an above average student, and college work did seem like a piece of cake. I had good roommates and I felt like okay maybe college isn't half as bad considering I heard other people's nightmare stories.

Me and my girlfriend and that time had moved to the same city to study, and oh to be in love in a new city. Although we lived a few hours apart, I thought everything was going generally well.

Now this is where things went fucking downhill... Within 15 days of starting my classes, I got dumped, I fell horribly sick, I could not write my mid-terms and fell into a sort of a depressive void.

There was nothing I could think about but her, and suddenly my roommates decided they hated me and things got even more horrible. That led to me being further depressed because of people kind of taunting me and I nearly lost 5 kgs, even though I was a already a pretty skinny guy.

I started to look like a skeleton, immersed in my own music. On the outside youd think I was normal, just another guy..but I couldnt show my hurt for men laugh when you do.

No one knew I was sad, just absorb it in all day with pretty much 0 outlets. Staying in the dorms became a nightmare... But I stood strong. I didnt break.

So I was alone, heartbroken,sick and sad and was getting uglier by the day. Extreme acne break out, maybe it was the water, Idk or whatever it was. I was feeling ugly due to a part of my receded hairline( Id shaved my head)

Thats when He took me on a road trip. Which was the point where my life started taking a full 180...

He told me things I would have never imagined. Up until then, I believed in love...and what not. God I feel so stupid now.

I was a top-tier simp and insecure guy. Very much needing reassurance of a girl and stuff. Then that day he told me to buy a jar of protein and to get my ass to the gym and if I didnt hed kill me.

Oh those days, sneaking down to the village taking the bus, chugging the protein in the woods..just me, the gym pump and my headphones.

They ask me why I always keep my headphones on, I wont ever say this but it was them who saved my life when I thought nothing was worthwhile and I ought to kill myself.

I recovered, within a month I recovered so much..it was almost a miracle. Then started the journey of rebuilding myself...

On my 19th Birthday I got hammered and drunk-dialled my ex. I dont know if that was any good but talking to her made my burning rage calm. It finally gave me the closure I needed. Funny story, she was drunk too.

Then I started focusing more on friends and going out and what not..everything to replace the void she left in me. I bought a new motorcycle! I basically gained back the weight I lost and put on a few more.

Then I moved out of the hostel... Got my own room with new friends! Went on more trips but still I was sad within. Ive always been sad.That feeling of speeding back home at 3 am after watching a movie.. damn.

Then came march, until then I was kind of fixated on lifting those weights.

Then my sister got married, I was happy as fuck. Then struck the pandemic!!! And 3 months were a blur. I went back there. And one day I had an epiphany... I somehow found out that I suffer from ADHD.

That was a huge chunk to process considering that affected me all my life and was the root of all my problems.

But now I know what I want, I have support. I have people who try to understand. But most important. I understand myself now!

Im not saying im always a cheerful ball of sunshine but im definitely more happy

[poisonspivey]

Here it goes

I cant stop thinking about you.. Or talking about you.. I honestly dont care what you think since your nose is soo far up in the air you cant be bothered To acknoledge we were even friends... Thats all we were is friends... But it felt like more for us both .. We both kept a painful distance as getting too close rattled the others insecurites and life triggers.. Its like youve been with me my whole life.. And i was a part of yours... It was fucking real To me and for me in your land of stories.. Now im one of them a crazy person as youve told everyone.. Sad thing everything i told you about myself was fact.. I lived every single moment i reflected on and every topic we would discuss as your eyes lit up like an Xmas tree talking about your interests at the time.. You are the best at what you do because of your desire to fit in and or belong... But you didnt need To work hard at that youre Amazing as youd slowly snuggle into me as wed watch American horror story.. Who called you out for having feelings for me? It wasnt long until it was pointed out To me you loved me.. Being the one who was older and felt like i needed To protect you from the Monster inside me and the fact shit like this never stays and i was so head over feet lost in you and happy just being next to you i never saw coming all the horrible things that have me close to the edge of flatlining and you already way beyond my exsistence.. I see you everywhere.. I miss your smile.. Your energy... Your stubborn goody two shoes secret degenerate ways.. Disappearing for a day .. Laying next to you the world stops.. One of my best friends is on deaths door willingly and i cant save her.. :( and i cant watch either cuz somehow i think she likes me sobbing and begging for her to just stay alive with me as i world be the one making the phone call to her mom when it ends... Again my resolve to not die by the same means as my friends and or giving into my lust to join her down this dark rabbit hole of euphoria... Im trying... But this is too much loss for my heart... Id sell my soul for 24 hours of you with me away from here and all this in the mountains or near the water... Away from all the reasons we couldnt even consider a Kiss... Im also Old... You yes are 22 but have way more to live for and better people for you than ill ever be.. But dam if i didnt feel like i deserved you.. Happiness with you.. Youre all i ever wanted and will never have.. I trust no one now. I just want everyone to shut the fuck up... Rip their throats out everytime their mouths open and sound is made. Flatlining has taken root.. Ill miss the parts of me dying with my best lifelong friend and moarning you.

[viralhottopics]

Piers Morgan: Im just putting opinions out there. Its my job

This week Morgan has taken on the Womens March, argued with Ewan McGregor, and boasted about being Donald Trumps best British friend. Why does he do it? Does he even believe what he says?

Piers Morgan last cried when his grandmother died, a little more than three years ago. Before that, he cant remember. Im not a crier, really. He sees himself more as a pantomime villain, and I thoroughly enjoy playing up to it. I cant even imagine the pressure of being some kind of national treasure. So for me, the panto villain part, I actually enjoy that whole thing.

Even by his own notorious standards, Morgan has had a fractious week. His Daily Mail column on Monday, which criticised last weekends womens marches, provoked Ewan McGregor to cancel an appearance on Good Morning Britain in protest. Morgan retaliated with another column calling the actor a paedophile-loving hypocrite. Feminists were furious with him all over again when he defended the right of employers to compel female staff to wear high heels.

Then, as Theresa May prepared to meet Donald Trump, he taunted Downing Street by firing off a public memo in the Mail, advising the PM or, to put it another way, showing off about how to approach his friend, the president. If its all going horribly wrong, dont hesitate to mention my name or even give me a call directly from the Oval Office and I will smooth things over. Its the very least I can do for my country. A memorable highlight came with his mute appearance at the National Television awards. He stood beside his Good Morning Britain co-presenter Susanna Reid, who had gagged him with his own tie.

It was Susannas idea, he says. We were in the car on the way, and she said, I think I know exactly how to get a joyous reaction from the nation. And it was indeed one of the great moments in British television, and the nation rejoiced.

The only detail of the weeks dramas that appears to have troubled Morgan was the discovery that working with him makes Reid cry.

I was surprised, he says, suddenly quieter. Because shes never cried at work, never seen her like that at all. So it was an interesting thing for me to discover this week that my co-host quite often goes home from work and cries. Its probably not always unconnected to me. How does he feel about that? A bit uneasy, actually. Quieter still. Yeah. A bit uneasy.

Ive known Morgan a little ever since he was the loud, precociously young editor of the Daily Mirror in the 1990s, and have always enjoyed his company tremendously. But our paths havent crossed since Trumps bid for the presidency propelled the journalist into his surprise new role as the leader of the free worlds best friend in Britain. The pair have been on close terms since 2008, when Morgan won the first series of Celebrity Apprentice, and Morgan now performs the role of Trumps tirelessly loyal defender while constantly claiming to be not a political sympathiser but just a personal friend.

When I watched Morgan reduce a young female guest to tears on Good Morning Britain two weeks ago, berating her as the worst kind of mother, I wondered whether I would still enjoy his company. The tone felt uncomfortably ugly, more in keeping with an altright online troll than the mischief-maker who used to conduct playful feuds with clowns like Jeremy Clarkson. This weeks events could be read by critics as further evidence to support the unhappy impression that cheerleading for Trump has soured Morgan, and turned him into a rightwing, misogynistic bully.

If one is looking for further evidence to confirm that impression, Morgan doesnt disappoint. The 51-year-old bounces into his local pub, just off Kensington High Street, and opens with his reaction to Trumps comments about waterboarding and torture he is exercised by the BBCs misreporting of what Trump said. There is, as you know, a massive debate in America about waterboarding. I dont personally subscribe to torture. But its an arguable point as to whether waterboarding constitutes torture which is startlingly tepid for a man who once campaigned against the abuse of Iraqi detainees by coalition forces.

Morgan has been friends with Trump since he won Celebrity Apprentice in 2008. Photograph: Photowire/BEI/Shutterstock

He refers to a swarm of migration through Europe, and defends Trumps comment about wanting women to be punished for having illegal abortions. It would be a pretty logical thing for somebody who believes abortions a crime.

Critics who suspect Morgan will say anything to generate attention might equally seize upon his admission that this weeks controversies are completely connected to the fact that he has a new series of Piers Morgans Life Stories on ITV next week. He is strategising to maximise publicity all the time, he says freely. Of course! Everyone on TV is. Im just better at it than most of them.

Whether or not Morgan would welcome this, the truth is that I nevertheless find him much more nuanced and less cocksure than his public persona or Twitter feed might suggest. The reliably consistent theme in all of his feuds is intolerance of hypocrisy.

So his objection to the womens marches, he explains, is simply this. How does it help the cause for any woman on that march fighting for genuine issues, for equality and everything else, for one of the lead speakers Madonna to talk openly about having had dreams of blowing up the White House? Im not sure why Morgan would take Madonna seriously, when she herself has said she was speaking metaphorically, and he was willing to take Trump at his word last year (he denied he had meant to incite Hillary Clintons assassination during a rally speech). Because if you make a threat like that at an airport, youd be arrested and put in jail. Why should it be a different rule for Madonna? I point out that she wasnt at an airport, but another speakers incest joke about Trumps daughter struck Morgan as similarly offensive.

Ivanka Trump is a mother of three, very hardworking. I know her very well and I felt really incensed on her behalf when the sisterhood decided to be incredibly offensive about her whilst at a rally designed to counter the anti-women rhetoric of the President Donald Trump. Theres a hypocrisy there which I just found ridiculous. If your main issue with Trump is the way that he talks to people, and the language and the belligerence and the bombast and the wording, then I dont think you should be doing the same thing to him.

What drives Morgan quite mad is hypocritical virtue signalling masquerading as political engagement. Ewan McGregor was basically trying to position me as a great woman-hater. So, I decided to just take a look at his own record in this area, and load of interviews he gave about his great friend Roman Polanski, what a fine man he was, how sorry he was that he had to go to prison, blah, blah, blah and Im like, Really? I wonder how the sisterhood who currently have you down as the No 1 hero for womens rights in the world would feel knowing that Roman Polanski admitted his crime, then left the country to avoid justice when he was facing a long prison sentence for raping, drugging and sodomising a 13-year-old girl?

Why does McGregors affection for Polanksi discredit his feminist credentials, but not Morgans for Trump? Trump hasnt been convicted of raping anyone. Look, my position has been consistently, from day one,that I wouldnt vote for him. But I do know him very well, and I would just like to slightly offer a more tempered view of the man that is being described everywhere as the new Hitler and the monster. I just think now hes there, its like Brexit; I voted remain, but Ive always been a glass-half-full person, and Im prepared to have an open dialogue with people like Nigel Farage about how we now maximise the opportunity of Brexit. The same with Trump. I find the hysteria just pointless and absurd and self-defeating and ridiculous. Ive got friends of mine literally losing their minds. And Im like, calm down, please calm down. I know this guy.

Coming from Morgan, who personally wrote the paedophile-loving headline for his McGregor column, this will strike some as a bit rich, but he goes on: Its very important in this extremity of debate, the kind of thing that led to Jo Cox getting killed, to be calm. Isnt Morgan himself an arch professional provocateur? But Im just putting opinions out there. Im a columnist, its my job. Isnt anyone else allowed to hold contentious views? Of course! And coming from a highly opinionated family, Im drawn to people who have opinions and are prepared to argue them.

I would have thought Madonna, who Morgan never tires of attacking, would fall into that category. No, because she has an opinion quota based on this pure ability to shock and offend, which I find pointless, quite cliched and increasingly very nauseating.

Morgan never tires of attacking celebrities such as Hugh Grant or Steve Coogan either, for whining about the press. But all the complaints made by those two actors wouldnt amount to a fraction of Trumps grievances with the mainstream media, of which Morgan with two newspaper columns and three TV shows is unquestionably a member.

I dont particularly consider myself to be MSM. Id probably be more a kind of renegade; Im RMSM, renegade mainstream media. I dont think the mainstream media has ever fully made me a paid-up member of their club.. As he breaks off this line of thought to tweet about his latest Daily Mail column, I suggest hes on a sticky wicket here. OK, alright. But I am afraid that the journalists have to stop whining.

It was an interesting thing for me to discover that my co-host quite often goes home from work and cries Morgan with Susanna Reid at the National Television awards. Photograph: Jeff Spicer/Getty Images

As a fanatical champion of a robust free press, surely he thinks Trump should stop whining? Its a good point, he concedes. My honest answer is I think theyve all got to calm down . I think Trump has to have a more respectful relationship with the media and they have to have it with him.

For all Morgans ferocious rhetoric, he is surprisingly willing to concede points. Id found his defence of employers forcing women to wear heels suspiciously unpersuasive, and the more we talk, the more ground he gives. Im only saying it to keep the debate going, he admits at one point and when I remind him he praised Julia Roberts for going barefoot on the red carpet at Cannes last year, in protest at the festivals insistence that women attending screenings wear heels, for a fleeting second he looks sheepish. I thought that was quite cool, yes. In an interview with the Times last year, he in fact offered up Robertss protest as an example of what real feminism looked like, didnt he? OK, I think thats a fair point.

Real feminism, Morgan maintains, is not about being a man-hating victim but a strong woman. My mother is an incredibly strong, independent woman. My sister is. My grandmother was. I was brought up around incredibly strong, independent women. Im married to a strong, independent woman. I absolutely define myself as a feminist and take issue with people who think Im not, because by the yardstick of what I give to feminism, which is genuine pursuit of equality in all things for women, I think I pass that test, I do. I do, I love women. Ive always been surrounded bywomen who would never dream of being pushed around by men.

This, I suggest, might be the problem. Go on, he says, genuinely interested. Because Im actually on a learning curve here. When ones only ever known strong women, it can be easy to feel exasperated with those who have suffered experiences that make Morgans idea of strength a pretty tall order. It becomes dangerously easy to get angry with women who stay with their abusers, say, and mistake their predicament for weakness.

I get that. I get it. Totally. He thinks for a moment. I take your point. When I hear that Susanna went home and cried after the show, I would like to have known why, but she would see it as weak to tell me and I dont want her to feel that. He thinks again. You remember, we were put together on Good Morning Britain like an arranged marriage, and I think weve just got to know each other a lot better, and she sees a the upside of having these debates about sexism on air in real time, with me perhaps going on a little bit of a journey of discovery.

Morgans crusade against hypocrisy is, of course, somewhat undermined by the fact that he admits to being a total hypocrite himself Of course! All journalists are! For anyone looking for a reliable rule to explain his wild enthusiasms and fierce feuds, the secret, he says, is really quite simple. Im a human being. If people are nice to me, Im nice to them. An afterthought crosses his mind, and he laughs. Donald Trumps actually pretty similar.

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from Piers Morgan: Im just putting opinions out there. Its my job