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charmedreincarnation · 11 months ago

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hi i’m sorry for this small rant. i really hope you reply to it because i’m spiralling so bad. i have been listening to v powerful luckiest girl and get all your desires instantly forced subs and i had two really bad days and overall my life feels so shit and i feel like nobody gives a shit about me feel left out with my friends and am really regretting some past choices i have made as in subjects i chose to study. why do subs not work on me ever? i detach but subs just don’t work for me idk what should i do i want to enter the void and live my better/dream life but i keep failing and i’m so spiraling so hard rn. i am not even seeing small success i can’t even manifest my acne away or to grow a few inches how will i enter the void and magically change my life entirely. please help me out. how do i manifest or enter the void as soon as i can. i am being delululu living in 4d but yes ik if i am truly living in the end i shouldn’t have doubts but it’s been so many months when will i see results in my 3d. manifestion should be instant right. i’m sorry for my negativity i hope you have a great day

Hi love! I feel like any of this could be answered in another ask, but you seem really worried, so I'm going to answer it anyway!

First and foremost, you are allowed to have doubts. Just because you have doubts doesn't mean you're producing those thoughts. From a psychological perspective (which aligns with LOA), our thoughts are not entirely our own. This is a scientific truth, whether you believe in LOA or not. Scientists say that our thoughts are influenced by external factors such as our environment, upbringing, and the thoughts of others. Sound familiar? They also claim that we have the power to change our thoughts and create our own reality by consciously choosing the thoughts we entertain. So, just know that you're going to have doubts until the end, but as long as you categorize them as random thoughts and not your own beliefs, they don't matter! For example, if someone dressed as Chucky the doll jump-scared you and you started having "scary" thoughts about it, that doesn't mean you actually believe Chucky is real and coming to get you. You have psychological responses to certain things that have been ingrained and coded in you for a while now. What LOA does is help us intercept these false messages and reframe them as "useless" instead of messages we encode in our mind and assumption.

I've always been interested in psychology and neurology, and even though it doesn't directly relate to your question, it's important to mention that you do have a brain, and your brain is wired to act in certain ways. Once you're aware of why you're acting and believing certain things, it becomes way easier to understand that the 3D world is malleable. I really suggest reading books by authors like Joe Dispenza so you can understand yourself better. Also, watching YouTubers who explain anxiety and reading self-help books can provide helpful ways to manage your own anxiety.

The second thing is, if you don't believe in subliminals, I don't know why people do this, but if you don't have faith in something or assume it doesn't work for you, just use something you have a little faith in. For example, maybe you're more logical. You can read about brain waves and then listen to binaural beats for anxiety,manifesting, and faith. Have faith in it, because you'll understand and know that those waves genuinely change your brain's alignment. That's just one example, but subliminals are not the only type of audios out there. There are many other methods to explore.

Also, meditation is very helpful. Not just to reach the void, but do you know how many conscious thoughts we have in a day? On average, it is estimated that a person has around 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day. These thoughts can range from conscious, deliberate thoughts to automatic, repetitive thoughts. That doesn't even include the number of unconscious thoughts we have, which is probably 100k+. You constantly have these little things running around in your head, trying to keep you alive, keeping you repeating the same thought patterns, beliefs, and assumptions. You can't consciously control them most of the time, but your brain and mind are working overtime 24/7. It's not your fault, so that's why meditation can help you. Not just to reach the void, though you can tap into that using some form of meditation as well, but to clear your mind and then it’s there it will be better to affirm and believe you can do whatever you desire. If you're not truly embodying the desired state, which you're not because you sent this ask, do you think a few measly affirmations can counteract the hundreds of thousands of thoughts you've been having every day since birth, most of which you don't even know exist? Affirmations do work, but trust me, I've been where you're at and worse. This is not the state to solely rely on "miracle affirmations" because you won't believe them, and when something doesn't happen, you'll just want to give up and confirmation bias will make you subconsciously think, "Well, see? I knew it. It isn’t real" But in reality, your mind is just looking for proof to align with your negative beliefs.

I know you say you haven't manifested anything, but can you really think back to something you thought was a "coincidence" or something you didn't really ask for but it just appeared? We usually brush those off as just the world at play or a small world, but nope, that was you. Maybe you don't have clear skin or whatever your desire may be, but as you probably know, that's because you've put it on a pedestal compared to all the other "small" but great things you've manifested

I know you probably wanted me to tell you exactly what to do, but I genuinely don't know you the way you know yourself - your own self, mind, and behaviors. You know best, fr! I could have said anything I've said before, like imagination is the real reality, the 3D being malleable, if you can see and feel it you can manifest it, try SATs or lucid dreaming lalala. But I've learned that you know what you have to do. Sit and meditate to learn about yourself and your mind, and why you think what you think. What past experiences do you still hold onto, reliving them in your mind and creating assumptions that no longer serve you? They can still affect you, we are humans and emotions cling to us like bees to honey, and that's okay. But we need to start moving those experiences into the past and start creating with what we are now, which is the present. Any given moment is a time to say, 'Okay, this doesn't serve me anymore, and this does. I don't want this life anymore, I want this type of life,' and consciously start creating with those desires instead.

Acknowledge your doubts, they're just doubts, and they're really just an extension of life factors that have been slowly consuming your mind. You may have them, but as a god, do you have them? No. But as a human, you are influenced by them, and who cares? You know who you are and your power now, so if you disregard them, work around them. But I can't tell you what to do because I'm not you! I wholeheartedly believe that you will get through this because I have as well and the lows are just apart of your journey as the success as corny as it sounds. But when you do succeed I promise you’ll back to this movement and just be very happy you didn’t give up despite how hard it was 💝

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #void state #my asks

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samasmith23 · 1 year ago

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Dear @hellyeahheroes/@filipfatalattractionrblog,

All that me and my friend @sjbattleangel ask is that you and the rest of your friends on this blog please acknowledge and apologize for creating such a toxic echo chamber with your blog, which encourages and enables hyperbolic and inflammatory mischaracterization and harassment if comic creators that you personally dislike. If you don’t like the works of people like Jason Aaron, Dan Slott, Brian Michael Bendis, Donny Cates, Jonathan Hickman, Scott Snyder, James Tynion IV, Joshua Williamson etc., that’s fine; but it is UNACCEPTABLE to constantly slander and demonize them as “perverts”, "misogynists", "homophobes", "eugenists" or “fascist apologists” when there’s ZERO evidence to substantiate such extreme claims. Just because these creators wrote comics that you personally disliked does NOT mean that they're even remotely comparable to legitimately bigoted scumbags like Ethan Van Sciver & Chuck Dixon like you treat them as based on the way you constantly talk about them!

And some members of your community, like KK4EverStuff, have gone even further by using your defamatory statements as an excuse to write literal death threats towards said-creators such as these:

These are NOT ad-hominem or hyperbolic Angry Video Game Nerd style criticisms like majingojira once tried to claim. This is violent an unhinged cyberbullying on KK4EverStuff's part. Plain and simple. Your blog encouraged and enabled his kind of toxic behavior, and you need to acknowledge that and do better going forward.

Then there is the X-Men series (particularly anything non-New X-Men: Academy X or post-Schism), Batgirls, any post-One Year Later Cass Cain-stared story or any post-One More Day Spider-Man story. It's fine if they don't appeal to you but deliberately choosing to hate them way before you even read them or gave them a proper chance? That isn't good or healthy criticism, that's just hate-reading for the sake of hate-reading. All it does is create an atmosphere of constant negativity and toxic gatekeeping which really hurt comic fans who just want to have fun. If anything after Avengers: Arena, X-Men: Schism, Robin: One Year Later or One More Day upset you that much then why you are reading them if you're automatically going to hate them? Just don't read them. It's that easy.

So please, acknowledge that you have done wrong with your past attacks against specific comic creators, toxic bad-faith comic criticism and apologize. That’s all we ask for.

Do better!

#toxic fandom #fandom discourse #marvel comics #dc comics #this is important #important stuff

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homunculus-argument · 1 year ago

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Did your parents ever mock you as a child?

When I was a kid, maybe 7 or 8, a pair of birds made a nest in a tree in our yard, and it was late in the season and unusually cold. I expressed a wish to help them somehow, and was met with a withering 'oh, you want your father and I to wire the tree up with electricity so we can put a TV and a little electric blanket in there don't you?' and when I said no, I want to put food out for them and maybe some spare toy stuffing for them to line the nest with I got laughed at. 'Sure, that's definitely what you meant, because you're always so sensible'.

There were many such incidents. I'm 38 and still afraid of sincerity or asking for anything a lot of the time. Did your parents pull this shit too?

Not in a deliberately sarcastic, mocking way, but they did tend to always somehow jump to the most negative, malicious, or idiotic interpretation of what I was saying, and act like I was backpedalling and taking my words back when I clarified that what I was trying to say was something sensible, and not the complete moronic thing they assumed I was saying. And then shrugging it off with a "well one can never know when it's you." Like assuming that I'm stupid or evil is just the most statistically likely option.

I could do a whole Dark Knight Bane Speech about tumblr-style bad faith interpretations. Going like

“Ah, you think malicious misinterpration of my words is your ally? You merely adopted the bad faith reading. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't have people properly understand a single fucking word that I was saying until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but confusing!”

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bestworstcase · 3 months ago

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Salem isn't really the "evil" fairy godmother in my opinion.

I think it'd be more accurate to say that she's the fairy godmother who just gives you EXACTLY what you asked for, but the consequences of that desire are always still there good, bad and everything in between.

You want revenge for your sister? Okay, Salem'll let you beat her to death, but she's still immortal and will come back eventually.

You want to destroy your former home? Okay she'll help you do that, but it's your problem if you end up pissing off someone else and they decide to kill you because of your decisions.

Basically, she'd do exactly as the contract asks of her so long as you're handling it in good faith, but it's your job to read the fine print.

i mean

just because salem doesn’t operate like the villainous archetype she presents as (i.e. malevolently making promises she has no intention of honoring, stabbing her people in the back for no reason once they’ve "outlived their usefulness," generally having no understanding of human motivations aside from fear, etc) doesn’t mean she doesn’t actively hurt people.

she keeps her word unless the other party breaks their end of the bargain first (this is true even of lionheart; she asks him a question, waits for his answer, doesn’t turn to violence until he attacks the seer and tries to make a break for it) – and she deliberately, consistently utilizes fear and pain as tools of control. these things can coexist.

and with regard to cinder specifically, salem is in no way just sitting on her hands and allowing cinder to experience the natural consequences of getting what she asks for; she doesn’t want to keep her promise to cinder and she’s been throwing everything at a wall since v4 to see what will stick to wean cinder off wanting the other maidens – and when that fails she brings the hammer down and that’s the impetuous for the power struggle in v8. salem only budges on this because cinder demonstrates with terrifying effectiveness that she IS willing to literally die on this hill, and afterward falls over herself to praise cinder for showing a smidge of restraint in choosing not to obsessively pursue winter.

the whole multivolume conflict between cinder and salem is predicated on salem trying to wriggle out of the deal, by means that include intimidation and violence.

and like yeah she doesn’t lift a finger to spare people the natural consequences of their choices unless your name is cinder fall. but that’s. pretty secondary to the part where she hurts people if they don’t do as she says – whether physically (hazel, lionheart) or emotionally (tyrian). she is cruel. it’s evil to treat people the way salem treats her own followers. that she is, broadly, right about the gods, and correct in her condemnation of the huntsmen system as a vehicle for enacting the divine plan, does not and should not negate her abusing her associates.

that’s one of the central conceits of the story, that someone can be right and also do horrifically evil things in service of a just cause. rwby is far more unflinching in its commitment to this idea than most stories but it’s not like this is a novel concept. let’s not defang the narrative by ignoring salem’s literal on-screen actions.

like. the reason i argue that 1. salem hasn’t ever gone to war like this before and has in fact mostly not dignified ozma’s shadow war with her participation, and 2. has not made a systematic effort to wipe out silver-eyes as opposed to taking out a single very high-profile target who went around calling herself ‘the grimm reaper’ fifty or so years ago, is because both of these ideas—that salem has been warring with oz all this time and that silver eyes are rare because salem hunts them down—are unsubstantiated beliefs asserted by characters who expressly do not have all the facts, and do not really hold up to close examination.

(ozpin was at the highest point ozma has ever achieved when salem utterly, completely thrashed him, and she’s wiped two kingdoms off the map in less than two years, and she made it look effortless. ozma hasn’t been successful in fending her off for thousands of years; she simply hasn’t been trying. likewise, silver-eyed warriors are culturally expected to devote their lives to fighting grimm until they die, of course the trait is rare, and there is zero indication so far that salem made any attempts on summer’s life—you know, the silver-eyed warrior who worked for ozpin?—prior to summer deliberately seeking her out. it makes far more sense to conclude that salem is indifferent to silver-eyes as a class and picks off specific individual silver-eyed warriors who threaten her interests. also they’re supposed to be VANISHINGLY RARE, i promise salem does not have a cellar full of dozens of silver-eyed victims floating in vats of grimm goo, where would she even find them all.)

arguing that she Doesn’t Do things we literally see her do on screen numerous times is just flatly countertextual. we can acknowledge that her evil actions are in fact evil. it’s fine

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taylor-titmouse · 2 months ago

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do you happen to know any good resources on writing characters of colour specifically for erotica? i’m conscious of power dynamics in every day life but writing kinky stuff obviously plays even more heavily into that so i’m trying to find a good balance between still definitely smut but nothing that will end up replaying what’s already been done in bad taste

i mean.... first of all no, i don't have specific resources for writing people of color in erotica. i feel like the very existence of such a thing would be in itself Not Good. like what is that going to be, a list of stereotypes to avoid? i hesitate even to list examples as a joke.

i assume you're white, and i am also white. ultimately all you can do is research--read works By the people you're looking to represent, read what they've said about how they are portrayed, ask for advice if you're really concerned and think it would be taken in good faith (though i urge you to consider this the last resort after research. "what's the best way to write about fucking you" is not, like, a great thing to ask even if worded nicely)

but overall just like... have good sense and good taste. people are people and not That different from you if you're not deliberately writing about a Culture vs somebody who who fucks while non-white. as long as you aren't making it About them being non-white, you are probably fine.

#tt talks writing #tt asks

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compassionatereminders · 2 months ago

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thank you for not humoring transphobes. that ask made me think of that "hot take but cis people also have a gender identity" post. Like cis men identify as men, cis women identify as women, but they don't want to acknowledge it because when they say "identify as" they mean "think they are" and it would feel invalidating. I'm not nonbinary cuz of my body, I'm nonbinary and I made my body a more comfortable place to live, know what I mean? idk just have a really good day

You're welcome. I blocked them after reading their second ask, because that one was even more deliberately triggering, not just towards trans people but also towards me personally, and I'm not here to platform people obviously engaging in bad faith

#chat with kat #discourse tw

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greenerteacups · 7 months ago

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forever grateful to you for sharing your musings, as if the book writing weren't great enough and hard work enough, you truly spoil us and i love you.

I'm popping in here to ask if you would like to talk about how you see Dumbledore. Sometimes I feel his manipulative side is abused in fanfiction, depicting little more than a heartless chess master.

And well, I guess I'm curious to find out if Lionheart Albus has a heart and will we get to see it. Maybe the more generous glimpses you give us of Snape and his interactions with him will shed some light on his hidden depths? Or will his appearances remain fleeting and enigmatic, always far and above all the little people we do know and adore?

Sorry, I know you can't possibly be completely balanced in your portraying of the whole cast, or they would spread too thin. I am here for the plot, for the Dramione and the Blacks, but I deeply enjoy all the character building (I truly live for all of them, not only our loved ones, I even cherish Warrington with sincere hate and am waiting for his comeuppance ) so I thought I would ask if you wouldn't mind a few comments on our opaque headmaster.

Thank you, friend! You're really kind.

Dumbledore has a relatively minor role in Lionheart for a few reasons — chief among which is, as you point out, that we just don't have time for everybody to get the same level of characterization the mains do. I have plot justifications for that, but it'd be disingenuous to suggest otherwise: Dumbledore's minor because I'm less interested in him than I am in Snape and Narcissa, and Lionheart is much more about Draco's sphere of the world than Harry's. That being said, I think some people forget how small Dumbledore's role is in the original books. He pretty much exists to deliver exposition and tell Harry how to beat the final boss; dude doesn't even get a gesture at a backstory until he's already dead. In fact, it's kinda weird to me that everyone (including a lot of people in the series) treats Dumbledore like he's some kind of guardian for Harry, especially with respect to the decision to keep him at the Dursleys. I know it's set up in the prologue, but if I'm Dumbledore, and I'm catching strays for Vernon Dursley being a piece of shit, I'm gonna be like:

The TLDR on Dumbledore is he's blamed way too much for stuff he doesn't do instead of the stuff he does. People seem to blame him for everything bad that happens to Harry because he's a competent adult in the general vicinity of the kid. But with the possible exception of hiring Lockhart — a bad decision I attribute to Early Installment Weirdness and, just maybe, a certain scarcity of applicants for a position where the last dude Literally Fucking Died — there's not a whole lot of shit that happens to Harry in the first few books Dumbledore could've prevented. Plus, he does in fact have Other Shit to be Doing. Is he a really powerful wizard who probably could've saved Harry's ass in a lot of the fights he gets into? Yes. Does he also have a whole school to run, a secret guerrilla group to direct, a Ministry full of political enemies to placate, and — oh yeah — a snake-faced immortal evil sorcerer he's playing 4D chess with at all times? Yes!

The whole lamb-to-slaughter thing with Harry is admittedly quite dark, but I don't read it as machiavellian. For one, Dumbledore obviously comes to this conclusion after a lot of deliberation, and to his death, he refuses to tell Harry about it, because (one assumes) he never intends to kill Harry himself. He's willing to hinge the fate of the free world on his respect for Harry's autonomy and/or his faith that Harry will make the "right" choice. That's pretty humane, given the circumstances. And he holds off on telling Harry about the horcruxes because... he doesn't want to inform a literal child that he'll eventually have to kill himself for the war effort. Oh, GOD, what a SCHEMING MONSTER. Surely this is motivated by menace, and not the grieving reluctance of a seasoned veteran who wants to preserve whatever few years of happiness this kid can eke out of life.

The areas where Dumbledore is morally shady come out most in his interactions with other adults. His conversation with Severus in 1981, for instance, is the one time in the books where I was legitimately frightened of him, because it's a rare time he's completely without mercy or grace. "What will you give me in return, Severus?" is a character-defining line, because Snape has just told him that two twenty-somethings and their infant child are about to be murdered, and Dumbledore's hit back with the subtextual equivalent of: "Tough shit. Why is it my problem?" Which is COLD AS FUCK! And we can kind of infer that he's not in earnest here, that he's manipulating Severus by making him think Dumbledore won't protect the Potters (even though they're Order members, which this theory requires us to assume Severus doesn't know) so that he can get him to work as a spy — but we don't know that for certain, right? It's all inference. We hope that his implicit threat isn't genuine, but what would happen if Severus said no, and walked away? How much did Albus understand about Snape's feelings for Lily, and what kind of person does it take to bluff like that in front of a known Legilimens? That line is intimidating as fuck whether or not Albus means it.

It's bits like these, where he's talking to people that he actually dislikes, where we get hints of the real Machiavellian Albus Dumbledore, and it's absolutely fascinating. He's the veteran of two wars, going on three when he dies, and you can tell in how he conducts himself. That includes, by the way, his gentility with children and his respect for innocence. But he's not just Good Funny Grandfather Dude or Crafty Mastermind. He's a general. He's been waging wars from the back lines since his twenties. That does something to your brain, and it doesn't leave a lot of you left over for anything else.

#greenteacup asks

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coraniaid · 7 months ago

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I remember reading a good post on here a year or two -- which I'm afraid I've been unable to track down again -- which pointed out that the Buffy writers' retroactive creation of a central coordinating "Watcher's Council" in Season 3 makes the fact Kendra wasn't expecting to meet Buffy when she visited Sunnydale in Season 2 rather strange. Surely Giles would have been sending in reports about Buffy's vampire-slaying to the Council, and surely the Council would have passed these on to Kendra's Watcher when he became worried that something bad was about to happen in Sunnydale. The post suggested as an explanation the theory that, after Buffy died and Kendra was activated as a Slayer, the Council just assumed Giles was coping really badly with losing his Slayer and dismissed all of his follow-up reports about her out of hand as a sad delusional fantasy.

In the same spirit, I'd like to propose that the fact Faith clearly is expecting to meet Buffy when she arrives in Sunnydale in Season 3 suggests that, inverting the pattern above, Giles has been lying to the Council about Buffy all summer and pretending that she's still in town doing her duty as a Slayer (and that he isn't spending all his time flying around the country desperately trying to find her).

This gets a bit long, but bear with me.

Faith knows about Buffy and she's heard at least a few stories about her (she calls her "infamous" and asks: "so, B, did you really use a rocket launcher one time?"). Faith can only have heard about past Slayers from her Watcher, who must ultimately (indirectly) have heard any details about Buffy through Giles sending reports back to the Council.

But Faith isn't just aware of Buffy as some abstract former Slayer. She comes to Sunnydale looking for her ("you're ... uh, Buffy, right? [...] I figured this was my chance to meet [you]") and, I suspect, deliberately arranged her fight with a vampire at the Bronze to make this happen (in particular she only seems to start fighting back once she has an audience...). Why didn't she head to Jamacia in search of Kendra? Well, clearly her Watcher must have told her that Buffy Summers was alive and that it was Kendra's death, not Buffy's, that had led to her being called. (Clutching at straws, but if you go back and watch the episode, Faith does nod slightly when Cordelia talks about Kendra dying; maybe her Watcher told her a bit about Kendra too?)

But how could Faith's Watcher (or anybody else), knowing that Faith has just been called as a Slayer, be sure which of the two previously alive Slayers had just died? (The show later retcons that only Kendra's death would have called a new Slayer, and Buffy's wouldn't, but I don't believe the writers had decided this was the plan before the end of Season 5's The Gift. The Mayor doesn't seem to think this is how it works, for example, and there are some things the writers said at the time that seem to rule it out too. But even if that was always what would have happened, if two Slayers at a time is unprecedented, as the show suggests, how could the Council be sure?)

The simplest answer must be that somebody told them that Kendra died. "Somebody" being, of course, Giles. But when did he tell them? The earliest he could have done it was at the end of the Becoming two-parter (Kendra dies in part one, but Giles is a prisoner for most of the following episode and I doubt Angel was letting him mail postcards back to England).

But the end of Becoming is also the point where Buffy leaves town and goes into hiding for months. Any report that Giles sent the Council from this point should have mentioned this, surely? The Council have all sorts of resources that they could have used to find her. It didn't have to be just Giles himself haring off after every false lead. But apparently, it was.

So, I think Giles wrote to the Council after Kendra died to let Sam Zabuto know and (whether actively or through omission) just ... let them think Buffy was still in Sunnydale. And then when it was time to send his next report in, he just ... kept pretending Buffy was still in town. Once he failed to tell them she was gone, he could hardly admit that she'd actually vanished weeks ago, could he? The Council generally have a pretty hands-off management style, but I don't think they'd have kept paying him if they realized he didn't actually know where his Slayer was or what she was up to. They might have decided earlier than in canon that he wasn't up to the job and needed to be replaced. Or even that this technically made Buffy a "rogue Slayer" who was refusing to follow her Watcher's orders. I think it makes sense he wouldn't tell them.

Which is why, over the summer, Faith's Watcher was telling her stories about Buffy Summers, the Slayer with a rocket launcher, stories which made Faith think she was living and Slaying in Sunnydale. Even though, for most -- maybe all -- of the summer Faith spent with her first Watcher, Buffy wasn't in Sunnydale at all.

(The show's a little bit vague about how much time passes between the start of Dead Man's Party and Faith's arrival in Faith, Hope & Trick but I don't think it's credible that it was enough time for Giles to be reunited with Buffy, for him to tell the Council she was back (and them to believe him), for the Council to tell Faith's Watcher, for Faith's Watcher to tell her, for Kakistos to murder Faith's Watcher and for Faith to flee Boston and travel over 3000 miles to Sunnydale through whatever combination of hitchhiking, freighthopping and motor vehicle theft she's meant to have used to make it there (she can barely cover the costs of the cheapest motel in Sunnydale: I don't exactly think she could afford a cross-country flight). When Giles gets through to the Watcher's retreat in England, enough time has passed for them to have found out about and confirmed Faith's Watcher was dead, and that can't have been quick either: Faith wasn't exactly rushing to tell them.)

So, all in all, Faith is pretty lucky she arrived in Sunnydale when she did. A few days earlier, and she'd have missed Buffy entirely. Maybe eventually one of her attempts to stage a fight so she could look cool in front of another Slayer would lead her into meeting the Scoobies and Giles and figuring out what was going on, but maybe not. Maybe Kakistos would have caught up with her first.

And, even if it's not intended, I like the symmetry of Kendra not knowing Buffy would be in Sunnydale (because Giles truthfully told the Council she was and they didn't believe him), versus Faith going to Sunnydale specifically to meet Buffy not knowing she might not even be there (because this time the Council did believe Giles but this time he was lying to them).

#btvs #I wish Faith's Watcher had a canon name so I could stop typing 'Faith's Watcher'#maybe I'll just pretend 'Diana Dormer' is canon after all

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lemonflavoreddishsoap · 1 year ago

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May I please for headcanons for la squadra with a gn s/o who usually watches their movies and shows in headphones and alone, but it turns out they just watch Barbie. Th reason is that they don't the boys to be embarrassed by them

This request made me laugh when I first read it- has anyone drawn La Squadra asking for tickets to the barbie movie yet? Cuz they should.

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La Squadra with an S/O who secretly watches Barbie

Everytime he asks what you're watching on your laptop, you shut it and won't tell him...suspicious...

Formaggio

Debates peeking at what's on your laptop when you're not around. Of course, he never would, and he has faith that you're doing nothing wrong, but the curiosity bites at him every time it happens.

So, using Little Feet, he sets out to get to the bottom of this. You don't even notice your itty bitty partner climb up onto your shoulder until well after you've gotten comfy and started the movie again. You only take a quick look around to make sure no one's peeking at you before you slip on your headphones and start the video.

Suddenly, you feel something brush you, and then a tap on your shoulder. You frantically shut the computer and shove off your headphones before you're face to face with Formaggio. He's...smiling.

"Barbie and the Three Musketeers, huh? 'ts a good one," he chuckles, giving you a kiss on the head to ease your shocked expression and walking off. He knew it, you weren't up to anything weird, so he ain't gonna make a bit deal out of it.

Illuso

Your worries are well founded, but he won't be oblivious for long. From the second you're looking so secretive about your business, he's raising an eyebrow. But the moment you're deliberately avoiding being near any mirrors?

He just waltzes right up to you and goes "What're you looking at?" If you start shutting your device, he keeps it open. Skimming the title, and seeing the content, he bursts into laughter.

"'A Fashion Fairytale'?? You're hiding a kids movie from me?" He chuckles at the absurdity for a while longer before insisting he watches it with you.

When it comes to any Barbie things you watch after that, it's best to only let Illuso watch with you if you're willing to sit through an hour of snarky remarks and loud laughter.

Prosciutto

How would you manage to hide it from this man? You may be his s/o, but Prosciutto is still ruthless and intimidating, and when you're hiding things from him, he sees no reason to hold his suspicions to himself.

Dude, listen, if you were curled up, watching fucking Princess Charm School and this man is standing over you asking What You Are Doing, how can you imagine a world where you wouldn't tell him?

He gives you a look when you show what you're watching, and, as you'd expect, he doesn't give much of a shit about it, and it doesn't matter to him if you watch it. Just questions why you felt the need to treat it like a big deal.

As you explain that you didn't want to embarrass him, he puts a hand on your cheek and assures you that as long as you don't force him to watch with you your interests would have no effect on his image or pride. He really is rather touched that you wanted to take that precaution, but hiding things from your partner is not the way to go about it!

Pesci

You would have been more open about it, but you've seen what Prosciutto says to Pesci, so you worry that he would feel bad looking at something so...childish.

So you keep your interest to yourself. Pesci doesn't mind you keeping to yourself, but seeing you all cooped up watching something leaves him curious. He wants to know what you're doing but...ohhh would it be his place to be nosy?

Eventually he bites the bullet, carefully approaching you during your Secret Time, tapping you on the shoulder, and asking what you're up to. Oh, when he's asking so politely you can't even care about your worries. you shyly show him A Mermaid Tale playing on the screen and his reaction is...intrigue.

He lets you know he's never seen the movie and asks to watch it with you, and how could you ever say no? Even if it's not exactly his sort of thing, he just likes to spend time with you. After your impromptu movie date, you're sure to not feel shy about watching Barbie around him anymore.

Melone

Here's the thing about your partner. Melone, with how good he is at reading others, is really hard for others to read a lot. So as you sit there trying to focus on A Fairy Secret you keep looking over at the busy man on the other side of the room, clacking away on his own device - you aren't sure whether you should be cautious or not. He doesn't seem to be paying you much mind.

After a minute or so, you aren't checking for him anymore and have settled into the movie. You're just getting sucked in when purple strands of hair cover your vision. One side of your headphones is shifted off of your ear, and you are aware of someones head resting atop of yours.

"A Fairy Secret...not one of my favourites. We can watch better ones afterwards, though." Oh. Okay this is happening now. His puts his arms around your shoulders as you watch through the movie together.

Afterwards, as you search for the next movie to watch, you mention how surprising his reaction was to you. He rolls his eyes, "I think it would be obvious that it would take a lot for me to be grossed out or embarrassed by something you like. Nothing wrong with liking Barbie, I clearly have no issues with it."

okay I limited myself to 4 points each for this one but. the idea just crossed my mind of family movie nights with you, Melone, and Babyface. Probably as part of Babyface's "education"...do with that what you will

Ghiaccio

I do NOT blame you, dude. Like with Illuso, there's a very real fear of him making jabs at you liking something so childish. So you diligently hide your watch sessions from him. But he notices, and he is not happy.

He has no clue what you're up to, but he doesn't like how you're hiding from him, and he makes that known quickly. If you try to keep hiding from him, he'll just get more upset, so it's more worth it to just tell him.

Just gives you a weird look when you tell him what you're watching. If there were real life cartoon sound effects, you'd hear the "blink blink" one. "Why would I get mad over you liking some kids show? That's fucking stupid."

He's blunt, but it is a metaphorical splash of cold water to your face: yes, he thinks barbie is stupid, but you're special to him. He loves you, and trust is more important to him than getting mad over "some kids show".

Risotto

Has faith in you, so after you tell him not to worry about your business the first time, he leaves you alone for the next few instances. Leaves you to your own devices.

But after a few weeks, you haven't gotten any more comfortable doing your "personal business" around him. So he asks again, and again, you're standoffish in your response. Now he's suspicious. He still trusts you, but at this point further investigation is more than warranted.

He snoops onto your laptop while you aren't home, and is...confused to say the least. He confronts you about it afterwards, and upon hearing your explanation it all makes sense to him.

"You didn't want to embarrass me? That's a sweet thing for you to do, but you didn't need to hide this from me. I'm sorry for looking through your laptop, but there was no need for you to be so secretive."

#another “I wrote this late at night so if its ooc its cuz im eepy”#formaggio x reader #jjba x reader #la squadra #la squadra x reader #ghiaccio x reader #illuso x reader #pesci x reader #prosciutto x reader #risotto x reader #melone x reader #thank you for the great request #ill try to have my next request finished by a decent time of day <3

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kaurwreck · 28 days ago

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Hello, sorry that it’s kind of a messily stated question but after scrolling through your blog a few times (of very thoughtful and involved analyses, loved reading them), I think to me you’re the most accurate Asagiri interpreter and I am starting to enjoy delving deeper into literature and history myself to understand BSD(and other fiction in general), so I want to ask, how reliable do you think Asagiri is when it comes to various things he outright says and interviews with him? It feels like a lot of things he puts in the story are deliberate but the way he often talks about his work, his manner is, like he’s just including stuff based only on general famous authors’ vibes? I’ve been thinking on it for awhile but especially after the recent Chuo University lecture/interview, where he talked for example how Chuuya and Dazai’s view of each other is simply loathing without any “but” or how he thought chapter 39 might be taken as justifying abuse when I thought it was clearly intended as something deeper and more complex.

It makes me wonder whether I even should delve deeper in themes and references, if even such simple thing as relationship between 2 characters or a character’s complicated past is, it seems, more surface-level than I thought. Or there is more depth to the world and ideas but less to the characters and I am just expecting more from the part that has no need for that.

Maybe I am approaching it in bad faith or missing a big chunk of something, overall I am sometimes quite confused by the author when he speaks on his works, so would be nice to hear your thoughts. Thank you in advance if you’ll take time to answer.

I've found more than once when I've revisited an Asagiri interview that something he's said that I initially interpreted as flippant has, with greater context, adopted more layers.

Like, in the two examples you provided: (1) I do think there is sincere loathing between Chuuya and Dazai, but that doesn't preclude love, nor does love qualify it— if you consider Chuuya and Dazai's communication styles and approaches to matters, they conflict gratingly — but love and loathing also can't exist without the other, and Kafka Asagiri has said quite a lot about Chuuya and Dazai's relationship; (2) many people do interpret Ch. 39 as justifying abuse, acknowledging how he might be misinterpreted isn't the same as his intent, so I wouldn't conflate the two. (Especially considering Ch. 39 is named Portrait of a Father— I recommend skimming the source material to better understand the depth of Asagiri's sincerity in telling that story.)

Which is to say, I think Asagiri's interviews provide valuable insight into his thoughts and process and, for whatever it's worth, I didn't throw myself into the deep end of bsd analysis until I read his interviews and realized how much he intentionally layered in bsd.

But if you're going to lend any credence to anything he says, it's relevant to listen to what he has to say, and be mindful of any language barriers (if there are any) in interpretation.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #im not assuming youre reading in a diff language #but i do so it's part of the advice i have to give on the topic

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 2 years ago

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not allowed xv, m | myg, jjk

pairing(s): est. poly relationship – yoongi x reader x jungkook

summary: Ah, yes, Christmas. What does this time make you think of? Giving thoughtful gifts? Aggressively festive songs? Milk and Kookie cookies? Ah, how silly of me, you're right. Your fuck-versary! That faithful day Min Yoongi sent you Jeon Jungkook as a, ahem, v horny Christmas gift. How should we celebrate? ;)

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; everyone is horny and has heart-eyes; feels+smut (fem reader, detailed m-receiving oral + tongue technology, all the kisses, various sex acts and multiple orgasms); idol!BTS - Yoongi x reader x Jungkook; reader is JK’s noona; 2022 Christmas; based on real time

part of ‘not allowed’ series, but can be read alone. basic summary: your bf asked JK to fuck you, twice, and then on the regular. blue haired JK. 2021 YG birthday, ‘Butter’, wiyllt remix. new skill acquired, JK’s sheer pj punishment, 2021 JK birthday, during PTD in LA, 2022 HNY, 2022 YG birthday, PTD in LV, 2022 JK birthday

“You would think...” For someone who could barely breathe at the moment, you were speaking evenly and casually. Calm under pressure. Most of the time. “That Jeon Jungkook is the bad boy, with all the tattoos and the motorcycle and that insanely sexy stage presence, but, actually, it’s Min Yoongi who hasn’t changed one bit.”

Said man only needed one hand to pin down your wrists as he straddled your chest. He had long fingers and they were very dexterous. He tilted his head with the lazy lift of an eyebrow, his thick, luscious black hair framing his fair face in seductive waves that glowed from the overhead lights. Normally that kind of lighting was quite unflattering, but this was SUGA of BTS. He defied all logic.

Also, Yoongi had a great dermatologist.

“That kid is a bad boy,” he replied, deep voice low and steady, his tongue tracing his upper lip slowly. He must have been taking your advice and remembering to use lip balm this winter. Good on him. “He never listens, he’s loud except when he’s supposed to be entertaining for the camera, which is then apparently prime time for napping, and, worst of all…”

You smiled. Couldn’t really move much anyway. Yoongi placed his free hand on the elastic waistband of his black joggers and looked rather peeved, which only further amused you.

“He’s late.”

He closed in his thighs, yanked his pants down, and shoved his hard cock into your open mouth.

What was better than a partridge in a pear tree?

Dick, duh.

You liked to suck dick at all angles. There were advantages to each one, but flat on your back with Yoongi leaning forward to let gravity sink him as far as possible into your throat was up there as a favorite. The whole holding down both your wrists with one hand with his other clutching the headboard was more for horny aesthetics than it was for practicality. You didn’t need your hands anyway. You expertly curled your tongue around his length, feeling him all over and licking his balls, listening to him moan as he pressed his hips forward even more, sucking in a tight breath as your throat closed in around him.

His weight was off your chest now, but you still couldn’t breathe.

You didn’t mind, really.

“Fuck…”

You ran your tongue from his balls touching your lower lip to the back of your throat, underneath the pulsing head and across the slit, really having to work for that as you felt the sides of your neck relax and expand a bit to make room for him. Rubbed in slow circles, precise and confident.

You opened one eye.

Yoongi was looking down at you. Black-brown eyes narrowed, breathing hard.

“Show-off,” he muttered.

Oh, yeah, and you aren’t?

Instead of answering your wordless question, he started fucking your face.

Slow, stable, deliberate. Matching his breathing. Too fast and that would risk making you cough or hurting you. It didn’t feel good if the pace was too quick anyway. He wanted to feel everything your mouth was doing, from the viscosity of your saliva, to your throat muscles massaging him, to your powerful tongue continuously moving, all of it creating a warm, wet sleeve to slide into every time he descended. Pleasure was better when savored.

Yoongi savored every second.

You crossed your legs and let your mouth and neck do all the work. Still fully clothed, letting your boyfriend face-fuck you also still mostly clothed, save for his pants and underwear halfway down his thighs, doing this while waiting for your other boyfriend to arrive.

Had to kill time somehow.

Yoongi growled deep in his chest. Sinful pleasure laced in the carnal sound. You sneaked a peek to see his eyes closed, his head lowered and almost touching the wall, soft pink lips open, warm breath floating down, his hand flat against the headboard. He was holding himself up with his knees, one by the right side of your head and the other under your left arm.

Maybe not the most visually pleasing angle for someone watching, but it was the best angle to get that deep suck, you know?

You brought the sides of your cheeks inward, tightening around his slick, hard shaft, pushing the sensitive, velvety head against the roof of your mouth with your tongue. His breathing was becoming irregular, laced with lust, climbing for the high. He didn’t let you control the pace. You would have made him orgasm a lot faster if you had more autonomy. It was already too fast for him. You could tell he was close by the way his eyebrows furrowed and his increasingly annoyed scowl.

“Fuck… Fuck, feels too fucking good…”

You probably shouldn’t have been turned on by your own power, but, oh well.

You lifted your head to follow his rhythm, your nimble tongue drifting from side-to-side to create additional stimulation and Yoongi hissed, fuck you, under his breath, fully aware you were in control despite him being the one driving his dick halfway down your throat. Your lips closed tight around him, additional softness rubbing against the base of the head. Your jaw and neck were definitely feeling the muscle strain, but honestly his slower pace had eased the worst of it.

This was why it was important to warm-up before every workout.

“Gonna cum… ah…”

Your name tumbling from his mouth in a soft, exasperated sigh, his head rising and tipping back, his hips thrusting down and shooting into wet tightness. Thick, twitching spurts flooding the back of your throat, closing your eyes to focus on the taste, strong and intense and now yours. Swallowing and feeling him shudder. The hand on the headboard curling and turning into a fist, whole body trembling with waves of uncontrollable ecstasy that was both orgasm and the additional stimulation of your tongue softly stroking his still-hard cock.

He let go of your wrists and placed both hands on the above the headboard, the crown of his head hitting the wall as he panted, barely holding himself up as you continued nonchalantly sucking his dick. His black hair was so long now that it covered his face, dark waves shrouding his eyes, leaving you to stare at the bottom of his chin and his open mouth, raspy exhales trickling down. You could breathe a little better now, considering he wasn’t at maximum hardness.

You heard the front door click open and then close.

Yoongi didn’t even move.

“Brr, it’s cold outsi–Hey! Come on, hyung! That’s not allowed on Christmas!”

“You’re late,” the older man grunted, his tone rough and deep. Still facing the wall as you settled your hands on his tense thighs, pulling his pants down some more so you could lap at his balls in addition to his cock. “At least be on time for Christmas.”

“Noona!”

…

You didn’t respond, mostly because you had dick in your mouth.

Honestly, it was almost strange. For many years, you had spent Christmas alone, keeping the television on with the various year-end shows playing continuously. Might as well work overtime during the holiday and watch the BTS performances when they came on. Making money wasn’t so bad. You didn’t give yourself time to be upset about seeing your boyfriend on-screen rather than having him beside you half-asleep with his phone dumped into your lap. It was what it was. Then, everything slowed down, with the pandemic and all.

And then, Yoongi gave you Jeon Jungkook as a present.

Sort of.

Well, the maknae had wanted to make out with your face for a while. The feeling was mutual, not that you were going to take it that far until Jungkook started stripping right in front of your bulging eyeballs (it had taken you a while to fully register that Yoongi was serious about this, ahem, gift). Now that you thought about it, Christmastime could be considered the… anniversary of Jungkook and you banging.

Your fuck-versary?

Sure.

It was weird to think this was normal now, sitting up after Yoongi climbed off you and scooting down into the warm and fierce embrace of Jeon Jungkook. Almost surreal, kissing that underlip mole and nuzzling his cheek, your thighs around his waist with too many layers of fabric in-between – Jungkook liked being a fabric mountain, heh – playfully knocking off his oversized bucket hat and sending his black hair fluffing out, covering his face in messy waves.

“Did you miss me, noona?”

“Of course, with your work being all hush-hush and you refuse to post even minuscule photos on Instagram, you punk.”

The younger man just laughed mischievously, because he was indeed a bad boy.

There was a time, not that long ago, when you sat alone during the holidays. Always a busy time for BTS, hustling hard when they were younger, and even busier in their rising popularity. Seeing all the photos of their smiling faces at extravagant award shows, and you had accepted that this was how life would be. You didn’t want anybody but Min Yoongi. Okay, fine. Maybe as the years went on a certain Golden Maknae was catching your eye too. Anyway! The point was, you didn’t feel upset or lonely, because this was the life Yoongi wanted, and you wanted Yoongi to have the life he wanted. You didn’t live your life yearning for what could be, but rather in the abundance of what you had (plus, you never a bad photo of Yoongi, ever, ARMY was too talented and he was too handsome).

Also, you, cough, had too many photos of Jeon Jungkook for some mysterious reason.

Yoongi noticed and he did something about it.

As for the life you wanted?

Well, for you, that life wasn’t what, but who.

You held Jungkook’s face in your hands. Your fingers fanning over his cheeks, and he beamed at you, starry brown eyes and infectious bunny-like smile. You smiled back, staring into those windows of a (superstar) glowing soul, enjoying this meaningful silence.

A fluttery feeling in your chest.

Soaring.

High like the moon, rock–

Yoongi’s mockingly disapproving face appeared over Jungkook’s shoulder, frowning at you with accompanying frowny eyebrows.

“Gross. He’s making you soft.”

You weren’t bothered.

“Someone sounds j-e-l-l-y, JK.”

The youngest snickered. “Big time jelly.”

Someone sounded grumpy. “You’re aging backwards.”

But before Yoongi could escape in faux disgust, your hand shot out and you dragged him back, running your touch over his cheek and into his luscious black hair. His inhale catching. Closer, twisting your body to bring your lips centimeters from his, meeting a falsely indifferent expression. Reading him, clear as day. Your lashes lowered, slowly trailing back up, locking eyes, taking his breath away with the way you looked at hm.

“I love admiring you too, Yoongi.”

Something shimmered in those dark feline eyes. Stop acting so suave. The corner of your lips quirked up, the hint of a wicked smirk. His cheek twitched, trying to find the right words to wrongly tease you again, but nothing came out.

You fully smirked, open-mouthed and familiar.

Yoongi leaned as far forward as Jungkook’s broad shoulder would allow him to.

“You only get away with this behavior because you’re so fucking beautiful and I love you,” he whispered, dangerous and low and smokey, binding you up with his words.

Thankfully, you didn’t mind these ropes.

“Don’t forgot to add how well I suck dick,” you purred, grinning.

Yoongi chuckled and escaped your hand, giving Jungkook back his moments with you.

You turned back to meet narrowed eyes and a childish pout.

“How come every time you look at hyung, the horny in the air increases to four-hundred percent? What’s all the sexy for?” Jungkook grumbled, squeezing your waist, his questions actually meaning, give me some of that sexy!

You rested your elbows on his shoulders and advanced, foxy smile dancing on your lips.

“Uh oh, possessive-perilla-leaf boy is coming out,” you teased.

The Golden Maknae puffed his cheeks. “I mean… You’re mine too,” he mumbled defensively.

You stroked his ear with your knuckles. “Mhm.” Exhale, letting your breath warm his cool cheek. Your lips grazing his skin, and those downcast eyes darted up, his inhale stilling as your fingernail trailed over the curve his ear, toying with his earrings. Light kisses, barely there. He shivered under them, anticipation building, gripping your waist in his large hands, and then your mouth was by his ear, speaking so softly that even he could barely hear.

“I love being yours.”

His tiny gasp getting lost in his throat. Your teeth nicking the curve of his ear. Your tongue dragging down his neck, leaving a thin wet line and following it with kisses. Faint whimper when your hands traveled all over his body. Through his hair, down his shoulders, over his arms, his sides, across his back, occasionally digging your nails in, clawing at the fabric between your touch and his skin, a graceful feral, and Jungkook was falling into that state too, reaching between your bodies, fervently pushing up hems, almost desperate.

It was coming.

Something they all had to do.

It made these memories all the more intense. You were already two people too passionate about giving their all, but even more so now as each of the dates were slowly being set.

You didn’t just kiss Jungkook. You made love to his lips. To that trembling mouth and flickering tongue, layering soft and rough, unpredictable and exciting pattern. Breathing in his clean scent, enriching the moment. The same attention to his skin, pressing your kiss to the mole on his nose, to the mole under his lower lip, the one his cheek, his neck, all over him. Hands memorizing his skin, the softness of his hair, the solidness of his fingers interlocking with yours. Every detail. All the little things, the weight of his body over yours, his laugh fluttering between shared kisses, his needy whine when your hand travelled up his inner thigh, pleading you to give him more.

The way Jungkook looked at you.

I love being yours.

In every kiss, every caress, every shared glance. Those heavenly brown eyes spoke to you as much as his body did, so obvious and natural that even he wasn’t aware that you were reading him. To him, it was magic that you knew what he wanted. You responded to his visceral desires, pushing him down on the bed and trailing love down his chest, kisses and nicks and licks, closer and closer, bringing your lips to hot, taut skin.

Your name in that silvery voice.

Promising you, always with you, still with you even if he was busy travelling the world or performing his duties.

You assured him that you heard his promise, pouring everything you were into these moments. Intense, alive, present, never taking any second of time for granted, filling those seconds with an many sensations as you could physically possibly do. Throat, tongue, lips. Your body against his tense legs, fingertips across his abs, nails digging into his sides, piercing gaze witnessing those distinctively handsome features overcome with pleasure, biting back his whines and thrusting into your mouth, losing himself in your controlling, measured pace.

You being on top meant Jungkook couldn’t escape.

You could make him cum whenever you wanted.

“Ooooh… f-fuck!”

Twice.

One after the other.

While watching Yoongi appreciate your hard work in between orgasms.

Knowing smirk, amused.

Jungkook was gripping the sheets and gasping, body flinching under your hands, moans tumbling from his chest as you licked around his length and swallowed leisurely, crying out softly at the sensitivity and then trying to cover it up by biting his lower lip, silver ring gleaming at the edge, his eyes squeezed shut and his black hair all over his face.

“N-Noona, please… please…”

Jungkook cracked his eyes open. You gazed back at him, swirling your tongue around the pulsating head, soft but firm, wordlessly asking, hm? Unbothered, of course.

Those big peepers begged, I’m just a man!

You gradually licked upwards, popping your lips off him, enjoying his little gasp.

“Very tasty today. You must be eating well,” you commented.

Pink blossomed over his cheeks. “I… I haven’t cum since the last time we f-fucked…”

“That’s your fault.”

Big pout. “You’re busy too!”

“Not as busy as you.”

“This is a riveting argument,” a raspy voice cut in, reminding Jungkook that his hyung was, yup, right beside him. Pink became bright red. “But I’m still horny, so, scoot up.”

All embarrassment disappeared a few minutes later when your lips were on Jungkook’s once more, with your hand around his once again rock-hard length and bouncing forward from Yoongi thrusting into your tight, dripping pussy, fluster replaced with lust and love. Drowning in the high, electric and sensual. Body to body to body. Messy kisses, tangled limbs, hotter than hot, aching for more. Your thighs around Jungkook’s waist, loud smacks of crotch to crotch as your rode him with Yoongi’s hands all over your breasts and his skillful lips on your neck, pinching your nipples with every love bite, driving you to the edge again and again and again, one more, and the limit was not enough, one more, your shivering, slick walls clenching around two of Yoongi’s fingers, fast and hard and rough, one more, then Jungkook’s, clutching his tattooed forearm, admiring the crisp inked lines and hard muscle as he fingered you, rubbing your clit at the same time, a symphony of moans with every orgasm, saturating the air with thick, heavy lust.

You loved them.

You told them with every kiss, every caress, every shared glance.

Breathless and spent, and, despite that, I love you.

You kissed Min Yoongi, holding him to you, a love deeper than the ocean, harmony in darkness that only he and you could understand.

You kissed Jeon Jungkook, holding him to you, a love that seemed to be expanding faster than the universe itself, energetic and endless.

“I love you.”

Whispers within walls. A forever secret, but you didn’t mind at all, because you had everything, right here, the life you wanted not in what but in who, interlocking fingers, one guitar-scarred hand and a tattooed one. Good thing you had two hands so you could hold both, and you did, tightly, blazingly warm inside despite the freezing cold outside.

No gifts needed, just happiness.

What?

Okay, fine.

And sex.

drabble before the solo tour, time is slipping away

part xvi "I would never do anything that is not allowed."

masterpost

#yoonkook x reader #bts smut #yoonkook smut #jungkook smut #yoongi smut #yoonkook x you #jungkook x noona #jungkook x reader #yoongi x reader #jungkook x you #yoongi x you #jeon jungkook x reader #min yoongi x reader

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eeveecraft · 1 year ago

Text

"Tulpa" and Cultural Appropriation

I cannot believe I feel so compelled to do this again, but after witnessing an announcement by Plural Nest that they're switching to parogenic terminology because they've been convinced by sysmeds that tulpa = appropriation while literally "sourcing" things from minors, singlets, non-Tibetans, and yes, of course, sysmeds is just so goddamn frustrating that I'm going to write this post. I will be referring to this Google Doc Plural Nest themselves linked in their announcement that contains a motley of blogs and accounts by various people:

Strap the fuck in because we're going to be here for a while.

Tulpa = Appropriation Is and Always Was a Bad-Faith Argument

I am prefacing this post with this idea because I want you to keep this in mind as you're reading. Something that has always bothered me about this "discourse" is that the people who go on and on and on about how they're protecting minorities and stopping actual harmful, real appropriation by attacking the Tulpamancy community never:

Go after actual harmful depictions of tulpa that actively profit off of sensationalizing the paranormal version of the word and deliberately linking it to Tibetan Buddhism (Supernatural, Mandela Catalogue, Slenderman, etc).

Uplift the voices of actual Tibetan Buddhists, even ones who disagree with them (which there ARE Tibetan Buddhists who are 100% okay with tulpa as a term, not just the Tibetan Buddhist AMA).

Explain how us using tulpa to describe our systemmates is actively harming Tibetan Buddhists. They just say it's harmful without providing any real examples of harm besides the word annoying them.

The intention of these people never was to protect vulnerable minorities, it was to deliberately blacklist a word a community has used for over a decade and a word that is literally being used in academic studies. If we as a community dropped tulpa, cold-turkey, 100%, we would lose access to so much of our history and access to scientific studies that the community NEEDS to be more accepted by the general public.

If these people actually cared and took the time to look into the Tulpamancy community, they would clearly see that the community very much stresses that tulpa is NOT the same as the paranormal term that IS sensationalized, and that all it means is a type of systemmate that was intentionally/unintentionally created through repeated interaction. And yet, that's not the case.

Oh, also, I found out that the Tibetan Buddhist Tulpamancer who did the AMA also has a Tumblr blog, and they even reblogged this post. And they even left this in the comments:

No one should feel ashamed of using the term “tulpa”. Buddhism, and practices related to it, are meant to be shared. That’s the whole point of the practice. And this greater community, is unique and distinct from Tibetan and related origin, it isn’t “appropriation” and even if it was, no one owns the term, and as I see it; use it as you wish!

So yeah, even further context!

Anyway, with that in mind...

Origins of Tulpa

One thing many people get wrong in the Google Doc is that tulpa directly is a Tibetan word. I have stated this in multiple places from my video on the history of Tulpamancy to my original essay back in 2020 on this very topic, but tulpa was derived from tulku and sprul-pa, which tulku specifically means the reincarnations of the Dalai or Tashi Lama, and sprul-pa means a type of "magically-produced illusion or creation." Alexandra David-Neel, a French explorer during the 1920's-1930's derived tulpa from these two words, and even in her own book, she admits they are not the same:

“These may be considered as veritable tulkus and, in fact, the demarcation between tulpas and tulkus is far from being clearly drawn. The existence of both is grounded on the same theories,” (David-Neel pg 313-314).

David-Neel, Alexandra. Magic and the Mystery of Tibet, Internet Archive, Translated by Claude Kendall, 1971 Dover Edition.

So, for all the people who keep saying that tulpa is a specific word in Tibetan Buddhism is incorrect, tulpa (paranormal) is BASED off of Tibetan language, but is not directly a part of the language, and the meaning was also changed. However, there is a further distinction I need to make:

Paranormal Versus Modern Tulpas

There is a very, VERY important distinction I need to make that a LOT of people who scream, "TULPA IS RACIST!" get wrong. Modern tulpas, the type created by the Tulpamancy community go by this definition (or any similar variation):

A sentient/sapient, typically intentionally created being that is conscious and autonomous, and can only be seen, heard, or felt by the host/system that can also think independently from the host/system. Essentially a separate person sharing a body with the person who created them.

Source: My own Tulpamancy guide.

When the term created by Alexandra David-Neel that is still used in horror media goes by (paraphrasing some bits):

A type of phantom created by a person's concentrated thoughts that when developed enough, it frees itself of its creator's to go onto be a "half-conscious, dangerously mischievous puppet" or just severely injure or even kill their creator.

This definition is cobbled together from David-Neel's own book since she doesn't directly give a definition for paranormal tulpa that I can just fully quote here that's concise enough. Another important observation I made is that David-Neel right afterwards also mentions her ability to see thought-forms, you know... the type derived from English Theosophy, the concept that's way more accurate to modern tulpas than "phantoms," that existed before David-Neel wrote her book? Funny, huh?

Why does this distinction matter?

It's pretty simple. The actual harmful word that horror media profits off of and sensationalizes for clout is the definition David-Neel derived. The word that people attack the Tulpamancy community for literally just means a type of systemmate and has no inherent paranormal or spiritual meaning. The former deliberately shows off the word's Buddhist roots for the sake of personal gain while the modern word is stressed as something on its own, its own concept and practice that is not related to Buddhism. Modern Tulpamancy is completely secular, you can be completely atheist (like me) and create a tulpa just fine. Anyone can. Not a single culture can claim something literally anybody can do by mistake.

Just that the word has a distant link in etymology to it and isn't actually a Tibetan Buddhist concept. By the logic of people who think tulpa is a racist term, any term derived from another language in English would be racist... which would account for 99% of the English language, and honestly kind of demonstrates that they low-key don't even know what racism means at that point.

So, please tell me why the latter is in the crosshairs of people who are supposedly protecting a minority? Why is it that I myself have had to call out things like the Mandela Catalogue for using the paranormal variant of tulpa and twisting it into an edgy story about body-snatchers as some kind of cryptid SCP creature, but I haven't seen anyone else do it? Why isn't there an outrage by these people on notoriously appropriative shows like Supernatural? Hmm.

(Also, important that another blog reblogged that post and mentioned that they've spoken to actual Tibetans on Facebook and how none of them think tulpa is harmful specifically because it's so far-removed from Tibetan Buddhism. Like, they're cool with it as long as the community doesn't try and link it to Tibetan Buddhism, which is literally what the community does and has been doing for YEARS. Love how sysmeds conveniently ignore that. Same with this AMA by another practicing Tibetan Buddhist on Reddit, which is REAL funny that Plural Nest doesn't link this AMA, but links another post by a person who converted to Tibetan Buddhism who agreed with their viewpoint, even if that post was extremely flawed).

People Who Tout This Claim

One thing that is extremely frustrating to see is all these POC systems go on and on and on about how white people shouldn't speak about POC issues, but then turn around and speak over other POC. In one of my original posts on this topic, I specifically made the comparison of a Chinese person trying to dictate what can and cannot happen in Japanese culture. Both are Asian, both are people of color, but they are not the same, and to imply that is racist. POC systems saying that they can dictate that a word based off of Tibetan language is racist as hell, even when they're not Tibetan, just because they're both Asian implies that POC culture is all the same that any person of color can dictate what happens in the other culture is disgusting. Full stop. It's generalizing a HUGELY varied amount of peoples and cultures, and just generalizes them as all the same, and quite frankly, that's insulting.

And even if we go by their logic that any Asian POC can dictate whether or not tulpa is racist also conversely means that any Asian POC can also dictate that tulpa isn't racist. I can literally just go to my best friend who's Asian and Buddhist and ask him if tulpa is racist as a term, he'd just laugh, and say this whole discourse is stupid. In fact, let me go do that:

(He sent me a GIF of SomeOrdinaryGamer laughing, LMAO.)

Anyway, this is what he said:

i am an asian, i believe that the word “Tulpa” is not racist nor cultural appropriation.

(FYI, he's also a Tulpamancer and has been for almost as long as I have.)

I can go on r/Tulpas or #RedditTulpas right now, make a poll for Asian POC systems, and ask them whether or not tulpa as a term is racist, and get hundreds of votes that no, it isn't. It means systems like The Cabin System who are also SE Asian who've openly stated that tulpa as a term isn't racist also have as much stake in the argument as the opposite side does.

Do you see how it devolves into a pissing contest between sides? What does this achieve? All it does is segregate the community and draw unnecessary lines, which is exactly what sysmeds want because it's ways easier to harass and kill smaller communities that way or turn them against each other until they eat each other alive. And they won't just stop with tulpa terminology, they're just using tulpa because they found a convenient scapegoat to attack it. Sysmeds literally find ANY excuse to demonize or take away a word from the endogenic community, it's no different here.

To further prove this point, sysmeds literally tried to say "system hopping" is a term appropriated from RAMCOA survivors, which was completely false. They are not afraid to pull the appropriation card on any word they can, tulpa isn't the only instance of it.

Just by looking in the #tulpa tag, you can see people who are equating people who use tulpa as racist, and want to split the community between "racists and non-racists."

Another key fact is that most people who have this view also have a comical lack of understanding of what Tulpamancy even is. For example, the system that coined willogenic specifically because they think tulpa is racist defined willogenic systemmates as:

“Willogenic system - A system that was purposefully created or “willed” into existence. There’s no connection to t/lpam/ncy at all.”

(Notice how the definition also excludes unintentional tulpas, which is roughly a third of the community? Fun!)

Yes, the actual definition is censored like that. So, the definition states that a systemmate can be ""willed" into existence," and is supposed to be a direct replacement for tulpa. No. No. Stop. You don't just "will" a tulpa into existence. If that was true, we wouldn't still get people on r/Tulpas making posts on how they've tried and tried for months or even years to create a tulpa and still failed.

Not just that, but it severely misrepresents the tulpa creation process as this super simple thing to "will into existence" when tulpa creation varies a LOT from person to person and is far more than just willing a fully formed tulpa into existence. I've mentioned this before, but I seriously do not like the broader Plurality Community attempting to force the Tulpamancy Community to adhere to their terminology that they created, and slapping, "Use our terms or you're a racist piece of sh!t!" on top of that has a REALLY bad connotation.

And remember when I made that distinction between the actually harmful paranormal tulpa definition and the community's definition? Yeah, like I said, most people who have this opinion also are conflating what we do to the paranormal definition.

All the Tulpamancy Community does is create a space where people can partake in tulpa creation and development. That's it. The majority of the community views it as 100% psychological, there's no paranormal ghost nonsense happening, and people are just trying to live their lives with their tulpas. It's not any more complicated than that, and labeling people who use a term like tulpa as racist is seriously scummy.

How "Tulpa = Appropriation" is Harmful

Ironically, this "discourse" has caused more harm to the Tulpamancy community than anything else. Like how I said that all the POC systems who said "tulpa" as a word has "harmed" them don't provide any examples of harm? Well, I can provide examples of how this whole thing has actually caused damage to people in the Tulpamancy Community.

Let's start with me. On multiple occasions, I have had multiple anons harass my inbox, calling me racist, calling me slurs, and even sexually harassing me in the comments of one of my posts specifically because of this issue. In fact, several sysmeds tried raiding our Discord server alongside harassing us on Tumblr because of what Amanitasys's post started, and this has also happened to @cambriancrew, @sophieinwonderland, and more because we happen to be blogs that intersect both communities.

The Widening Divide

Secondly, the widening divide between the Tulpamancy and Plurality communities.

The relationship between the Tulpamancy and broader Plurality community was already tenuous, and for most of the Tulpamancy community's history, it has stayed isolated from other Plurality circles. It was only within the past few years that the communities started to intermingle, but this drama can ruin that.

Because as someone who HAS been in the community for over half a decade, I can tell you that the majority of the Tulpamancy community thinks this drama is stupid and aren't going to change terminology for multiple reasons. Now, do NOT take this as the community going, "Tulpa is a completely unproblematic word!" when the community has debated the term's usage for YEARS. Nobody is saying the word is perfect, but it's what the community has used for over a decade now and every attempt to change the word has failed. And honestly, as someone who's reviewed the vast majority of Tulpamancy guides in existence, I likely know better than anyone else that if tulpa was blacklisted like some people want, the community would lose so much history and resources, it's not even funny.

Unlike the broader community, the Tulpamancy community has a focus on the creation and sharing of Tulpamancy guides and resources, and the vast majority of these resources directly have "tulpa" or "Tulpamancy" in the name, let alone the sheer volume of times the aforementioned words are used in these guides. If we completely dropped the word, the ability of new people to look up and find these guides becomes FAR more difficult. "Tulpa" is a unique and consistent word and makes it easy to look into the community, which in turn helps people discover resources that can help them on their tulpa creation journey.

And for the bottomfeeders who'll inevitably go, "Well, just change the resources!" I need you to go outside and touch some grass, please.

1.) There are literally hundreds of guides, not even including website domains like Tulpa.info, Tulpa.io. Tulpa.net, and many more. There are literally academic studies that use tulpa, and if the community (not just the Tulpamancy community) wants any hope of being accepted by the general public, we NEED those studies to back our existence (as frustrating as it is). Don't forget all the articles, podcasts, and videos we couldn't even change if we want to! Again, over a decade of history.

2.) The VAST majority of the people who wrote these guides are no longer in the community and it is disrespectful to the authors to take and change their work without their permission (if ANY of you tried taking my guide and replaced every tulpa-related term with something else, I'd be PISSED).

3.) Literally every alternative to tulpa has some critical flaw in one way or another (I made a post about this here) and literally nobody can agree on a single term. The amount of fragmenting this would cause would make the aforementioned issue of discoverability EVEN WORSE.

4.) The rate at which resources are created has slowed dramatically since the community's early days. People are just complacent with what they have now, and I don't think labeling tulpa as a racist term is suddenly going to get more people to write more guides, just to change a few words around.

I feel this issue can get to a point where the Plurality community literally starts banning the usage of tulpa-related terminology completely, thus excommunicating the Tulpamancy community from most plural spaces. Places like Plural Nest where the staff OPENLY say that tulpa is appropriative sets this precedent, and even though Plural Nest (at least right now) is still allowing people to use tulpa terminology, other places might pick up on what Plural Nest did, but worse. That ends up excluding people like us from plural spaces and just undoes all the work that's happened to connect the two communities.

Like, systems like us, Dragonheart already have to avoid sysmed servers, but now, even with "inclusive" servers, we might be run out because the owners/staff think tulpa is a racist term. So now we have an extra layer of anxiety when trying to join new communities. That's fun.

It's literally creating what endogenic systems already deal with in the plural community, but now even parts of the endogenic community are bullying another subset of their own community. It's terrible.

So, in the Tulpamancy community's perspective, we either: A.) Give up our most used word and people lose access to so much history and resources, and create a huge divide in our already fragmented community.

Or:

B.) Stick to our guns, but be excommunicated and villainized by the broader Plurality community.

There's no winning here. Regardless of what the Tulpamancy community does, it's going to cause a lot of damage. Sysmeds win regardless with their goal being to divide and fuck up our community, and it deeply upsets me.

What Tulpamancy Really Is

So, what are people trying to attack so hard and blacklist from plural spaces? What are people fighting so hard against to conform to their standards, or be labeled as racist? What Tulpamancy is, for a lot of people, is a means to living a better life. I cannot tell you how many stories I have read of tulpas stopping their hosts from taking their own lives, how creating a tulpa has hugely improved the mental health of others, or how tulpas encourage their hosts to socialize and take care of the body, or how just making a tulpa connects you to a community with the mutual interest in self-improvement and self-love, and so, so much more. Tulpamancy improves people's lives, and Tulpamancy techniques are not exclusive to us.

Any system, or even singlets can learn from the Tulpamancy community to improve their own lives. And yes, that means Tulpamancy helps a lot of people of color as well, as well as a lot of other vulnerable minorities! Whether it's learning vocality to better communicate with alters or using switching techniques to control switching, or even learning how to make a mindscape or improve visualization skills. I don't understand how this community can be labeled as a bunch of racists (even though there are scumbags like Kopase that sadly exist (why don't you guys RIGHTFULLY sh!t on people like him?)) when literally the entire point of the community is self-betterment.

And like what @dharmayokeyodasampa, the Tibetan Buddhist Tulpamancer stated before, "Buddhism, and practices related to it, are meant to be shared. That’s the whole point of the practice," and the same can be said for Tulpamancy. Tulpamancy can be for everyone if it means making their lives better. It's meant to be a positive thing that can truly be life-changing, and seeing people trying to label that practice with one of hatred and harm is just... horrible.

The Tulpamancy community doesn't have some secret agenda to silence people of color or mock any kind of religion or practice. We're just a bunch of lonely people wanting companionship and are tired of being alone.

Conclusion

"Tulpa" as a term, at best, is murky. Nobody is arguing that David-Neel was a saint. She wasn't, and she's dead and buried. Tulpa isn't her word anymore. People in the Tulpamancy community are just fed up with outsiders trying to dictate how their community should be run. We know the term has issues, we know its history is not all sunshine and rainbows. We do not need outsiders barging in and stating the obvious and acting like they know more than we do about our own community and history.

And look, I know some people who believe tulpa is appropriative have good intentions and just want to be non-offensive, but people take advantage of that. Sysmeds took advantage of people wanting to do right and weaponized people into being their mouthpieces under the guise of, "We just want to be racially-sensitive." But instead of actually protecting minorities, all it did was harm another minority while ignoring groups who are taking advantage of the word, and using it for clout and profit. That is exactly why I started this LONG essay with why this whole thing is a bad-faith argument.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: this is the Plurality-equivalent of "queer is a slur." Drama deliberately caused by bad actors who spread rumors of a word being bad, leading it to be picked up by well-intentioned people, and being turned into the pawns of those bad actors without realizing it.

I'm so pissed I had to make this post, but after seeing what Plural Nest did, and then learning that they KNEW some of their sources were by sysmeds who have ACTIVELY professed their hatred of tulpas and decided to use them anyway to a community of over a thousand users just led me to being fed up. It gave this indication that if large plural spaces like that are echoing a statement meant to divide us, things aren't looking good, and I'm not going to sit here and watch a community I've been in for over half a decade get wrongfully demonized.

If Plural Nest staff just said they're changing terminology because they just don't like tulpa or or the fact that it's conflated with horror media, I would've been fine with it. That's a perfectly understandable reason not to like the term. We're not forcing you to use the term! Use whatever term you want! It was the motivation behind it that I take issue with and the precedent it sets. I don't know where this community is heading, but I hope things go all right.

7-22-2023

#tulpamancy #plurality #actuallyplural #endogenic #tulpa #tulpa-safe #sysmed tw #sysmed mention #cultural appropriation #tulpa safe #endo safe #plural community #pluralgang #long post #essay

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