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lala-lovesie · 3 years ago

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Honestly one of my biggest issues with FMAB was the consistent refrain that your gender, nationality, race etc doesn't matter, it's just who you are as an individual. This is clearly and obviously not true for anyone who has an identity vector which impedes on any segment of their privilege, whether it's gender, race, class, whatever. It's a wonderful ideal, but it doesn't hold up in reality. This idea, that none of that matters but your spirit or character does is a common argument amongst people who are unwilling to deal with the concept that they may benefit from racism, or sexism, or any other part of their privilege.

They need to believe that they are where they are because of their own merit, and not because of the luck of the draw in terms of the lottery of life circumstance that you're born into. That's where the whole 'pull yourselves up from your boot-straps' rhetoric in America largely stems from, and this meritocracy then convinces people who are being harmed to protect and defend the very system which is harming them, which is why you'll see so many poor whites voting Republican, and against their own self-interest in terms of economic prosperity and actual equality - they have been driven into the ground by the circumstances of our society - the long hours, the poor wages, the toxic masculinity which deprives people of every gender from feeling safe being vulnerable or from making genuine human connections, and then are provided a target, a common enemy to distract them - generally an immigrant group, but occasionally human rights advocates or queer people or whomever is the convenient fall-guy - with which to rally them. They are sitting in front of a plate of 12 cookies, and the rich man sitting next to them has taken 11 of those 12 cookies, and then said 'look! that immigrant is trying to steal your cookie!'. It's just about as tone-deaf as any of the white people who have ever said 'I wish I was BIPOC so that I could get affirmative action'. They genuinely see it as special treatment, and think that the history of our country has no impact on its state today. They have to, to avoid looking at the truth and reality that has to be reckoned with that the country has been built on the backs of the exploited, and that often the people doing the exploiting have looked just like them. I understand that in the context of Ed speaking to Miles, it's meant to mean that he's not biased against Miles for being Ishvalan, and it's treated like a wonderful statement of equality or something. This is also largely because for most of Brotherhood, Ishval is cast in a very different light than Ishbal is in FMA03. The narrative of FMA03 sympathizes with the Ishbalan victims first and foremost - their pain is forefront in the story. It is still made clear that the soldiers feel bad about it, but it is not offered as an excuse. But Brotherhood centers the pain of the soldiers committing the genocide, and maintains calling the Ishvalans the enemy, and creating a more equal back and forth dynamic, rather than the brutal campaign which is depicted in 03. Miles is also a very notable addition - he stands in for Ishval in offering a sort of forgiveness or acceptance of what happened. Also, the fact that we're supposed to feel sympathy for the soldiers because they were "made" to do these actions (to the extent of Ed apologizing to Armstrong because he doesn't know how he feels about the atrocities he committed) is ridiculous - the Neuremberg trials settled quite definitively whether or not orders are a good enough reason to commit atrocities. FMA03 handled that matter far better - it did not deny that these people are human, and showed their depth and complexity. But they did not ask us to forgive them or to sympathize with them the way that FMAB does. It's not a mistake that the Nazi metaphor is made literal in Conqueror of Shamballa.

They absolve the military of its two main crimes from FMA03 - they transfer the killing of the child that starts the war to the homunculi from the military squad that murdered an entire Ishbalan temple, and transfer the killing of the Rockbells from Mustang to Scar, an Ishvalan. Thus, they shift the blame for the origin of the war and the impacts and losses of the war away from the military and onto outside forces, including the Ishvalans themselves in a neat little trick of misdirection. It makes Scar a less complicated bad guy - it's not just that he is on what he sees as a holy mission to avenge his county, it's that he went wild and murdered innocent people in his pursuit of it. It sidesteps the validity of his mission and the reasoning behind it that gets explored in FMA03. And what's worse, they then use the Miles trope of working from within to justify the erasure of his identity in order to "help the military rebuild the Ishbalan nation". A) there's no fucking way it's going to be a positive influence to have the military there. Yes, they will bring resources, but it will also be a continued military occupation of Ishbala, even if it is a different context. It is not going to help or improve the situation even a little bit. And B) they really have Scar being saved just to be embroiled in this military effort, and the big gesture at the end that Scar is working for the people and not himself anymore is that he decides to give up his name and nickname both. FMAB really said that the dissolution of who you are and your identity is the best way you can help your oppressed peoples.

And this is not to say the Ishbalans are nothing but victims in FMA03 - there is a moment when Ed is very directly called out by an Ishbalan for his assumption that they could not be smart enough to use alchemy. People are complex. No one is pure villain or victim, everyone is a varying combination of the both, as illustrated in FMA03 by the storyline around Rick and Rio and the issue of Ishbalans oppressing other Ishbalans, as well as the humanization and development of the military team's characters (like Winry talking to Mustang despite him having killed her parents, followed by an episode of a slice of life for the military team). But Ed takes it as an opportunity to hold himself accountable to his own biases and perceptions, instead of pretending he doesn't have any, as he does in FMAB. By pretending that there is no influence apart from personal responsibility, FMAB actually denies the possibility of personal responsibility in practice. It is only by acknowledging the biases and schemas that we are raised within that we can begin to undo our own complicity in that system, and to begin to take personal responsibility for our actions within that system. I have not seen the show multiple times unfortunately (I just saw both back to back over the course of the last half of December before they removed them from Netflix) so I'm not fully confident on a lot of the details, and I'm more than happy to concede any specifics that I got wrong. However, I stand by the overall point. To quote a very on point tumblr post that I could not find bc, ya know, hellsite is not functional and all that - "FMA03 said ACAB. FMAB said All Lives Matter" (and please lmk if you know the author, and I'll edit the post to add their information). And this is all before we even get to the very egregious whitewashing of Rose in FMAB. I know that she is not identifiable in terms of color in the manga, but FMAB is not a strict adaptation of the manga. So, let's go ahead and put into context the intense colorism which is present in Japan (along with the rest of the world, the darkest people of any country are the most oppressed), and the fact that FMAB left everyone else in her village a shade of brown, but took away any amount of color from the integral character from that story line. In addition, FMA03 showed the harm that can be caused by a powerful agent coming in to overthrow the leader of a culture that they don't understand (as can be seen in any CIA coup or our military invasion of the middle east), even if it was done with good intentions (Ed's good intentions, our military and the CIA have none). FMAB follows the party line that by coming in with your white wisdom, you can save a place and its people, even if you have to decimate their culture to do it.

#fma 2003 #fma 03 #fma03 #fma03 ed #fma03 alphonse

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caravelmp3 · 3 years ago

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FEAR AND LOATHING IN DOMESTICATION

pairing: josh kiszka x reader warning(s): mentions of alcohol, references to sex, depression, & anxiety synopsis: in better terms, josh kiszka is a rolling stone, and when the pandemic causes the band to settle down for an undisclosed amount of time, reader helps josh come out of his slump note: title & reference to that one interview. you know the one. as someone with a fear of domestication as well, i related so hard to josh when he talked about settling down, and this came out of that. it’s just a lil something !! also posted on ao3 if you would like to check it out there instead. hope you all enjoy !! x

Josh was a vagabond, a nomad, living a peripatetic lifestyle of hopping from city to city overnight by bus or jet, bouncing between venues and interviews as if he was born to do so. Staying in three-star motel rooms in the middle of nowhere became a part of his lifestyle, one that he became quite adjusted to after three years on the go. Even while visiting home he was between family and friend houses, checking in on old stomping grounds, visiting studios hours away, anything to stay busy. In the clearest sense of terms, he was a rolling stone.

So, as everyone imagined it would happen, he began to lose his sense of self in 2020. One second the band were planning the release of an album, preparing to hit the road and play stadiums in South America with Metallica in the spring, and then the next they were hit with the news of cancellations and push-backs to everything they had been working towards. With the rise of a pandemic they were forced into a hiatus and into the first real break any of them had received, if they didn’t count the few days visiting home last holiday season.

He and the rest of the band hunkered down in Nashville and Josh started to live in his worst fear - domesticity. He was waking up at the same time every day in the same city, he was living the same life day after day, and it became old very quickly. While catching up on rest and exploring a new city was fun at first, it started to look like every other city before long. The adventure he would wake up to with excitement was no longer around. He had been forced to settle down, and he felt like a trapped animal trying to gnaw its own leg off.

And like the rest of the band and the management team, you hated seeing him that way.

The relationship between you and Josh was short, but you knew Josh for years, and you noticed the differences in his personality immediately once you followed him to Nashville following the shut down of your own job.

You once swung by the studio with a surprise lunch for the boys and the team and he was struggling to write lyrics on a notepad in the other room, surrounded by crumpled and balled sheets of paper. He would stay up later at night scrolling through airline websites for flights out of Nashville to random cities (as long as he was traveling, he told himself), and he shifted through hobbies to find anything that stuck (which eventually was reading and painting) (there was a corner of the living room filled with stacks of books and canvas paintings).

And you tried your best, even when times were hard on you, too. In order to boost Josh’s spirits and get his mind off the persistent idea that he was stuck in time, you attempted baking new treats and made him try them after dinner, you dabbled in bartending and made new drinks with tequila, set up painting dates in the backyard after work, bought books from second-hand stores you thought he would enjoy, and bought new and random vinyl for the nights spent in during summer storms.

But the bright blue, cloudless summer skies and warm breezes rustling the trees of summer became the red of maples and the bronze of oaks of autumn. Everyone hoped things would be different, maybe even just slightly, but nothing had changed at all. The band was still in Nashville, making the best of their time off to expand the album and the universe it was set in, and you were back to working, but only remotely, so Josh insisted you stayed with them instead of traveling back home at seemingly the height of the worst so far.

When the long, hot days turned into cooler mornings and long nights with the sun setting at five p.m., the effect of the year had finally hit everyone. Everyone was tired, they felt defeated.

So in one last desperate attempt to boost spirits and morale, everyone set off on their own adventure and escaped Nashville in the early days of December. Danny was going to Los Angeles, Sam was going skiing in Montana, and you knew that Josh and Jake needed their own trip. So after a few phone calls and exchanged emails over a week, you booked a trip for the twins and their family in Key West. It was something small - a rented RV for the dreaded sixteen-hour drive south, but what awaited them was a week in a rented beach house and days on a boat in the Gulf.

You booked it for everyone, you wanted the boys and their family to let loose and spend some time together before work drove them away again, but you weren’t going to lie and say you didn’t book it with Josh in mind. He was a fan of the beach and islands, history, and the water and sun and sand, and after months hunched over a studio coffee table writing and working endlessly on the album design, he deserved time to himself, to recover, to recoup.

You told him before bed on Thanksgiving day. The Kiszka family had come down from Michigan to celebrate the holiday, and they did with dinner and a fire in the pit in the backyard with music and plaid blankets and smores under the stars. After staying up talking to his mom, Josh had come to bed last with the lingering scent of fire smoke in his hair and Corona on his breath, and he met you under the covers, nestling his face in the crook of your neck before pressing a soft kiss against your skin while wishing you goodnight.

Humming, you rolled over and rolled into him. He chuckled and wrapped an arm around you, and that’s when you, in a sleep-deprived state, began to rattle off all of your plans,

“Tell your parents to stay for another week.” You said, eyes still closed, half-asleep.

Josh paused. “Why?” It wasn’t something he was opposed to, but it caught him by surprise.

“I booked a trip for the rest of us. While Danny and Sam are gone.” You laid your head on his shoulder, pressing a gentle kiss to his chest. “We leave for Key West in four days.”

And the shot of adrenaline that ran through Josh was something he hadn’t felt in quite a long time. The last time he got excited about going anywhere was to a new record shop that opened up a few streets over from the house. He quickly sat up in the bed, looking down at you (now laying sideways) in the dark with a smile.

“You’re fucking joking,”

You laughed and reached out for his hand. “Not at all,” you said bringing his hand up to kiss the palm, “I’m going to pick up an RV in a couple of days, and we can surprise your parents and take them shopping for clothes and everything else we need.”

Out of what seemed like a rush of euphoria, Josh threw himself on top of you, peppering your face with kisses and you laughed at the show of affection and at the tickle of the growing mustache he managed to grow (and pull off). You turned your head, holding his cheeks, and kissed him.

“Now, come on, let’s get some sleep.”

“Well that’s unlikely - now I’m going to lay here and think about all the dumb shit we can do.” He said, sliding under the covers and sliding an arm around you.

You just laughed and nestled your cheek against his chest, listening in to the quiet shuffling in the hallway outside the door of everyone going to bed, to the ticking sound of the clock on the wall, and then to Josh’s voice,

“Do you think they have pirate themed dinner cruises?”

“If they do, I’m sure you’ll find out about it.”

And he did.

(There wasn’t one.)

But you found so much more than you two ever dreamed of. Trading dreary Nashville for a bright and warm island, you welcomed the hot breeze and sun-kissed skin.

And even though there wasn’t a pirate themed dinner cruise, you watched Josh come alive in a new environment. You strolled hand-in-hand with him through the butterfly and nature conservatory, letting him rave about the multicolored birds and point at flowers he thought you would like while capturing them on film. On Duval Street he pulled you to get caricature portraits done, he ordered shots for everyone in the bar after a night spent swimming. He roamed Dry Tortugas National Park with Jake, admiring the view and history within the brick fort walls, and first thing one morning he pulled you out of bed to get breakfast and visit the Ernest Hemingway Home, so you sat with him on a bench in the morning light and drank coffee and pet the roaming cats that passed by.

The last night on the island you woke up naked without Josh beside you, and you turned to see him sitting on the balcony with the white sheer curtains billowing around him, writing in the journal he always kept on his person. A smile tugged on the corners of your lips.

Josh was falling in love with life again.

And you were falling in love with life again, too, because Josh was so passionate about living it.

#josh kiszka imagine #josh kiszka one shot #josh kiszka drabble #greta van fleet imagine #greta van fleet one shot #gvf imagine #gvf drabble #josh kiszka

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avengerscompound · 4 years ago

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Small Gods: Spring Thaw - 2

Spring Thaw: A Bucky Barnes Fanfic

Spring Thaw Masterlist | More Small Gods PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Rating: E

Word Count: 2046

Warnings: nothing this chapter.

Synopsis: Bucky Barnes hates winter. He always looks for the first signs of the ice thawing and new life growing. When that desire for the end of winter brings to him the god of the spring thaw, he discovers a brand new reason to get through winter.

Chapter 2

Bucky arrived at the movies twenty minutes before he had arranged to meet you and then proceeded to mentally curse himself out the entire time because of how eager it made him look. He was just considering leaving and coming back again so he could maybe come off as fashionably late when you appeared behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.

He jumped and spun around, instantly going into fight mode, and when he saw your slightly bemused expression, he instantly relaxed. You were wearing another warm winter coat that looked impossibly spring-like. This one was sky blue with daisies printed on it as if they were polka dots. Your hat, scarf, and gloves were in a darker shade of blue, and on the side of your beanie was a crochet daisy that matched the ones on your coat. “Hey, you’re early,” he said.

“So are you,” you said.

Bucky smiled sheepishly and ran his hand through the back of his hair. “Yeah. It’s been a while and I didn’t want to be late.” He held out a bouquet of different colored tulips for you. “I got you these.”

“Oh my,” you said, taking them and inhaling deeply. “These are so out of season. They must have cost a fortune.”

Bucky shrugged. The bouquet did cost significantly more money than when he’d last bought a girl flowers, but as that was in 1943, he didn’t think it was fair to compare. “It wasn’t so bad. And I knew you’d like them.”

You leaned up and kissed his cheek. Another first for this new life he had. It felt like a static shock and he flinched a little, and then hoped to god you didn’t notice because he wanted there to be more of that. He wanted that kind of physical affection that had been withheld for so long. “I love them,” you said. “Thank you.”

Bucky turned back toward the cinema and then debated what his next move should be. He had the tickets. Did he offer you his arm or just start walking? There were so many new rules about dating and he realized he didn’t know any of them. Did you hold doors and pull out chairs anymore? Who paid for things?

While he was thinking, you slipped your hand into his and pulled him toward the cinema. “Come on, slowpoke,” you said.

The warmth from your skin seemed to radiate out from you so that he could feel it through both his and your gloves.

“Do we need to buy tickets?” You asked when you entered the building.

“I’ve got them,” he said.

You took off your gloves and shoved them in your coat and looked up at him. “Then let me buy the candy.”

“Now that hardly seems fair,” Bucky said. “The tickets were cheap. You’ll have to mortgage your house for candy.”

You snorted. It was an adorable sound but you quickly covered your face in embarrassment. “Oh my god,” you mumbled.

Bucky laughed and rubbed your arm. “That was cute, don’t worry.”

You shook your head. “I can’t remember the last time I laughed like that,” you said. “So now I’m gonna buy candy so I can pretend it never happened.”

He chuckled and followed you to the counter as you bought popcorn, jolly ranchers, and a couple of sodas before the two of you headed into the theater. It was strange how familiar it felt to be on a movie date. Like muscle memory. He sat down in the assigned seat and you put your coat on your lap with the popcorn sitting in his. There was the awkward start where you aren’t sure if you should be touching or not - not that there was much choice in such a confined space. There was an accidental hand touch when both of you went for popcorn at the same time. Then you snuggled into him during the sappy parts and even though having you pressed against him felt alien to him. It felt familiar and comfortable and he put his arm around your shoulders and held you in a casual way he hadn’t done to anyone since before he was sent off to war.

It was dark when you both came out of the theater with your arm tucked in the crook of his. “Do you want to get a bite to eat?” He asked.

“I would love it. Just something simple though,” you said.

He nodded and the two of you began walking down the street together. “Thank you for this, Bucky,” you said as the two of you walked along. “I never do this.”

“I’m pretty out of practice too,” Bucky admitted.

“Why is that?” You asked. “You seem like a natural. Not to mention - you’re very handsome.”

Bucky looked at you, once again not sure if you were being completely honest with him or not. Not just about not recognizing him, but about any of it really. Questioning his reality had become second nature. He was used to being lied to and used. He was used to things being taken from him. “You really don’t know who I am?” He asked.

You stopped walking, a little startled, and looked him up and down. “I don’t meet too many people, I know we haven’t met.”

“No,” Bucky said, shaking his head. “I’m the winter soldier?”

“Winter…?” You said, furrowing your brow. “You control winter?”

Bucky laughed. “No. What?”

“Oh,” you said, relaxing a little. “I don’t know what you're talking about.”

“Captain America’s friend?” He asked, only to be met with the same look of confusion. “The Avengers?”

“I’m so sorry,” you said. “I don’t keep up with current popular culture.”

“You don’t know about the people disappearing and then the fight and them showing up five years later?” Bucky asked.

“I mean… I know they all went away and came back, but I wasn’t…” you trailed off.

“Captain America? Iron Man? Thor?”

Finally, a glimmer of recognition reached your eyes and you smiled. “You know Thor?”

“I mean, a little. He’s a nice guy,” Bucky said.

“I know,” you said. “He’s really funny. Likes to fight a lot though.”

“Wait…” Bucky said. “Do you know Thor? Like you’ve met him?”

“Yes! I’ve met him. It was a long, long time ago,” you said, nodding enthusiastically. “Are the gods… are we showing ourselves again?”

Bucky blinked at you. “What do you mean ‘we’?”

You looked around and took his hand tugging him along. “We should go somewhere to talk.”

He walked with you until you found a diner and the two of you ducked inside and slipped into a booth by the window. You put your coat with your flowers beside you on the seat and neither of you said anything until the orders had been placed.

“It was easier back before,” you said as you began to play with the little tubs of half-and-half on the table.

“What was?” Bucky asked. “I don’t know what’s going on right now?”

“I’m a god, Bucky,” you said.

Bucky laughed. He wasn’t even sure why because he knew a god. He knew and had experienced far stranger things than gods. But here, sitting in a diner with you, the thought just struck him as absurd. “What?”

“Back before, when people were primitive and didn’t understand how things worked, we just walked with the mortals,” you said, answering a question he never asked as you looked out the window. You turned your attention back to him and lay your palms flat on the table. “I don’t know how to start the story.”

Bucky shook his head. “The beginning?”

“That goes back to before I even was,” you said. “And I don’t have all the story. From what I understand, when the universe was born, the worlds were formed from a central point where all matter was one. And then it exploded out in a mess of matter and energy. Some of that energy you and I would call magic. Some words, like Asgard and Olympus, were drenched in it…”

“Woah, hold up,” Bucky said. “Olympus is real?”

“You’ve met Thor but you doubt the existence of the Greek Gods?” You asked with your eyebrow raised.

“Right, okay,” Bucky said. “Go on.”

“The magic on Earth is weaker and so the gods here are also weaker. We came to be when people pray for us, even if that’s just a muttered hope, like “oh god let me pass this test,” you explained.

“So you’re telling me that there might be a god for the red light changing?” Bucky asked.

You nodded. “Oh yeah, they’re doing quite well for themselves.”

“That's…” Bucky said and shook his head as he tried to absorb it. “Not the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard,” he settled on. “So what are you?”

“The spring thaw,” you said.

“What? Like Persephone?” Bucky asked.

“Well, no,” you said. “For starters, she lives on Olympus and she’s way more powerful than I am. And she covers all over Spring. I’m just the part where the ice melts. I was way stronger back before industrial farming. People prayed to see the ice receding. Now, it still happens but not with as much need. Oh and also, when Persephone isn’t doing her thing, she has somewhere she goes.”

“What? What does that mean?” Bucky asked. “Where do you go?”

You shrug. “I’m just not.”

“Not what?”

“Not anything,” you said. “I’m here when people start wishing for the end of winter, and I’m gone when they stop.”

Bucky furrowed his brow and nodded. “Would you believe me if I said I know how that feels?”

“Really?” You asked. “How?”

The waiter came over and placed their orders in front of them. Bucky took a drink of his black coffee and wished it was something a little harder. Not that alcohol would actually do anything. “I guess I better start from the beginning too.”

As the two of you ate your meals, Bucky unloaded everything. From when he was born, to going to war, to being captured by HYDRA and experimented on, not just once but twice. About how they brainwashed him and had him commit unspeakable acts, and when they weren’t getting him to do these heinous things, they would freeze him, so that every time he woke he had no idea who he was or where he was or even what year it was. How he’d broken out of it and had to adjust to life on the run 60 years after the last time he had control of his body. How that had ended up going to shit and he’d opted to go on ice again because even that was better than living with what he had in his head. How they managed to get HYDRA out and he was just settling into life again when Thanos happened and he’d just stopped existing.

The food was gone by the time he was done with the story and he was on his third cup of coffee. He’d worry about staying up, but the caffeine would pass out of his system soon enough and besides, he didn’t sleep that great anyway.

You had listened intently, never interrupting, but the expression on your face told him how horrified and sad the story made you. “... and then the Avengers stopped being a thing and I tried to cancel out some of my bad with a friend and then I moved here.”

You reached over and took his hand. “I’m so sorry all that happened to you,” you said earnestly. “And I can see why we were drawn to each other.”

“Why is that?” Bucky asked.

“I bet you aren’t a big fan of the cold, huh?” You asked.

He smiled and shook his head. “No, you could say that.”

“Were you hoping for some sign of the thaw?” You asked. He smiled and nodded. “And there I was. I probably felt it too.”

“I’m glad you did,” he said.

“I’d like to see you again,” you said. “Would that be alright?”

“How will that work if you’re only going to be here for such a short time?” Bucky asked.

“Well,” you said thoughtfully. “I guess we’ll have to enjoy the brief time we have?”

// NEXT

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier #the winter soldier fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #small gods #spring thaw

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harrydracobang · 3 years ago

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Harry/Draco Big Bang Fic & Art: A Sense of Scale (Mature)

Title: A Sense of Scale Author: @fantalf Artist(s): @dragontamerdame Pairing(s): Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, background original pairing Other Key Characters: Original Male & Female Characters, brief Neville Longbottom and Narcissa Malfoy appearances, mentions to other canon characters Rating: Mature Word Count: ~70,000 Era: Post-Hogwarts, EWE Content/Warnings: POV Draco Malfoy, POV Third Person, Potions Master Draco Malfoy, Flying Instructor Harry Potter, Powerful Harry Potter, Castelobruxo, Magical Theory, ayahuasca, Misunderstandings, Housemates, Recovery, Mutual Pining, Possession, Dark Magic, Brazilian Folklore, Brazilian Folkloric magical creatures, Past Relationship(s), Getting Back Together, Draco Malfoy is a bit of a liar, POC Harry Potter, a bit of angst, wildfire, villainous character, Manipulation, Implied/Referenced Animal Violence, Animal Death, but it's brief, latin america, Indigenous Culture Magic and Gods, a lot of bonding, but not between humans, Tattooed Harry Potter, Implied Sexual Content, Neville Longbottom & Draco Malfoy Friendship, Supportive Narcissa Black Malfoy, seriously though I don't claim this story makes a whole lot deal of sense, Draco has an obscene amount of nicknames for Harry, he's also so oblivious, but get mad at him not me, a very stubborn sentient school, and a temperamental parrot, don't kill me for this, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, Self-Worth Issues, Minor Character Death, Non-Consensual Entheogenic/psychedelic substance use (brief), Parselmouths & Parseltongue (Harry Potter), Familiars, Draco Malfoy Has Long Hair Summary: Potter merely shrugged, as if it was nothing. After all, it wasn’t his life’s work. “You can try to win it over.”

Draco snapped, “What?!”

“The school. Win it over.”

“How the fuck do I win a school over, Potter?! It’s a bloody school, not a person!” And he didn’t win people over that easily, overall.

“I don’t know. Use your charms. I know you to be very inventive.”

——

In which Draco spends an obscene amount of time thinking of new nicknames for The Living Git, lying to himself and using his charms to seduce an extremely uncooperative sentient school.

Author’s Notes: Somehow, when I joined the fandom back in January, my brain decided that BB was a great(!) fest to start writing fanfic. Boy, was I crazy. I clearly didn’t know better. I still don’t know what I’m doing half of the time, but I regret nothing.

So, let’s do it!

The name of the story and the quotes on the beginning of each part are from a poem called Detail of the Woods, by Richard Siken.

This is a crazy story that has no business making sense 100% of the time. That being said, there are some sentences in Portuguese throughout the fic. It’s totally understandable from the context and not knowing them won’t jeopardise your experience. But, if you’re really eager to know a bit of Portuguese, I left the translations on the endnotes of each chapter. There’s also I really long ending note—you’re free to ignore—about some history JK ignored when building Castelobruxo.

For this story, I researched a lot, and among my resources are the books Geografia dos Mitos Brasileiros by Luis da Camara Cascudo (Brazilian Myths’ Geography), and Lendas Indígenas (Indigenous Tales) by Iray Galrão; the YouTube channels of Felippe Barbosa and Ler Até Amanhecer (Read Until Dawn). The Moriaetem Potion is inspired by a real potion. I don’t intend to offend anyone, and I won’t claim to try to bring awareness about the question, because this story is purely for fun, but this is a genuine issue that has repercussions to this day.

SoS (pun intended) is totally self-indulgent and was born of my indignation with JK for what she’s done to this school. I wanted to make it right by writing something both fun and respectful about my culture, and though it might sound too insane at times, I love it and I hope you’ll also enjoy it.

BIG, incredible, enormous thank you to the following people: Chay, you’re one of the best best friends I could’ve wished for, thank you for putting up with my crazy ideas and encouraging me not to give them up. Tai, you’ve become a dear friend and your excitement and encouragement about this story kept me going (not only one of the OCs is named after you, but the story is also a gift for you). Crazybutgood… What can I say beyond thank you for being such an angel and such an important part of my life? You’re the best. Em and Spaceboundwitch, your eagerness and enthusiasm about SoS was contagious and made me cry. Thank you so much for all your work, guys.

Last, but not least, how can I not mention how perfect Ash’s been throughout this process? You’re the best artist I could’ve hoped for and I’m confident this was the perfect match. You captured so well the essence of my story and its characters and their differences, and I can’t thank you enough for that. Also, thank you mods for your work and for making this match happening. You can find their brilliant illustrations on chapters 11 and 15.

Disclaimer that the only characters I own here are Francisca, Fernanda, José, Berê, Lua, Tainara, Rudá, some school staff I don't remember the names and the animals. Unfortunately.

There's a playlist with the song on Chapter 8 and other songs I think fits the story's mood. You can find it HERE

No beings were harmed in the making of this story.

Without further ado… Enjoy.

Artist’s Notes: It’s been such a delight getting to have access to and illustrate Lory’s (wonderful, magical, brilliant, imaginative, fascinating) story. And for that, I have to give a big shout-out to the mods for being lovely and pairing me with the fic summary of my dreams. The scenes that I have illustrated sparked my imagination and creativity so much, although I felt the urge to sketch practically every scene as I went on to read the whole story. I hope my illustrations bring to life the tenderness and intimacy between Harry and Draco in the first scene, and the intensity and power of the magic in second scene. Please enjoy this wonderful fic!

READ AND VIEW ON AO3

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry art #draco x harry #harry x draco #harrydracobang #fantalf #dragontamerdrarry #fic post #2021 fest

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thisisarcanereverie · 4 years ago

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Should’ve Known Chapter 7

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Wanda or Steve they are owned by Marvel, I don’t own the gif either I just got it from Pinterest,

WARNINGS:Angst, Swearing, the stages of grief, loss, dark themes, 18 + from here on out. Also mentions of potential abortions.

WORDS : 2,329

SUMMARY: You are detained and questioned by S.W.O.R.D. Wanda reality is breaking and Vision is acting differently than she remembers.

In case you missed last chapter

series masterlist

ULTIMATE MASTERLIST

You stared at the plain and depressing wall in front of you. If anyone saw you they would say you were staring into dead space but that wasn’t true.

Your thoughts were consumed of Wanda and the baby.

You didn’t plan on giving up on Wanda, she had woken up, it wasn’t long until her reality came crashing down on her and you needed to be there for her. You needed to help her with the pieces that were going to be left behind.

Your hand rested on top of your stomach, gently brushing a thumb over the shirt. You didn’t know what the doctors did to you while you were unconscious, but you were certain that eventually they would find out if they hadn’t already. You still had mixed feelings about this pregnancy. You knew deep down it was likely the only time you will be pregnant and you can’t lie, already you felt a connection with the child even though at this point they were only a little clump of cells.

This kid would be special, you felt it oddly enough. You immediately wanted to apologize even though it couldn’t hear you. You wanted to apologize for the life that they might have to live if that were the case.

You remembered all the somber nights at the Avengers Tower and Compound. All the nights Steve told you he sort of missed being that boy from Brooklyn who always picked a fight he couldn’t win. He told you if he had known what would happen when he accepted the role of Captain America. He probably still would have done it, but still live on to regret it.

Wanda had told you that she could never truly let go, she can never fully release all the emotions she kept bottled up. That people got hurt. That if she could go back and never sign up for HYDRA’s experiments, she would.

None of them wanted the life that they were forced into. Yeah some of them had volunteered like Wanda and Steve, but they didn’t fully realize the consequences of such actions then.

Nat and Bucky never wanted this life, never signed on for it.

Your child would be forced to the same fate if you allowed the pregnancy.

You considered aborting the fetus, maybe it was better for it to never live than be born into this world.

Were you even ready to be a mom? You had money saved up but that was for rent and the last of Steve’s avenging money that he had left behind.

Steve.

The kid would never know their father. Steve would always be that blank figure to them. That blank figure would be filled with so many questions and doubts. Everything but him.

You didn’t want your kid to look at that blank spot and only think of what might have been or hate. You didn’t want them to think their dad left them because they didn’t love them.

You thought back to the chair splintering under your hand when you remembered the pregnancy.

You could easily hurt them and the thought alone terrified you.

There were so many reasons on why you shouldn’t keep it, how maybe it was better this way.

On the other hand you wanted to keep it.

You wanted to be a mom. Or at least give it a shot, at least for this kid. Maybe you would break the cycle of abuse that either your parents or grandparents started.

There was no maybe about it.

You would.

You had to.

Rationally you knew you wouldn’t be a perfect mom and the kid wouldn’t have that perfect life you always wanted, but that didn’t matter. This kid would have their own life to live, their own adventures, their own highs and falls. This kid would have something that you didn’t receive and that alone would make all the difference.

They’ll have their mother.

Wanda didn’t know when all of this started. The endless pit of nothingness consumed her and that was it. She remembers everything thus far, the black and white changing into colors. You support her through it all just as you did before.

She wished she didn’t have to send you away but she had no other choice. You brought her back, made her remember that none of this was real.

Wanda made a different version of you, it was simple enough, it was a simple illusion. You were there, but not there.

This version of you was happy all the time, was her closest confidant, all the things she wanted you to be. Like how you used to be before Steve had left.

Steve did a number on you just like Vision did with her. Steve left you in a different manner than Vision left her but the emotional toll it took was very much the same.

Steve left you on his own terms, he was selfish and left everyone who was counting on him to return. For that Wanda would never trust Steve, real or not real, again.

Vision didn’t have a choice, Thanos had taken that choice away from him.

Wanda could feel her blood begin to boil at the thought of Thanos, wishing that she could have finished what she had started on that battlefield then.

Avenging Vision.

Wanda recalls the nightmares she had when she came back, the image of Vision's eyes turning milky white and the stone being ripped from his head and the way his head caved in. You would always hold her, you would always assure her that you were fine and that she hadn’t hurt you during the nightmares. She knew you lied but the thought that you cared enough that you didn’t mind her or getting hurt in the process helped a lot more than you would ever know.

After the funeral Wanda didn’t know she was going to bring you back to her apartment. She didn’t know how more precious you would become to her after living with her. Wanda came to depend on you a lot more than she intended. At first she wanted to be kind, she knew the pain you were going through and didn’t want you to be alone. You didn’t deserve to be alone.

Then you began to heal together, you sat with her while she was on the other end of the phone lines waiting for answers and filling out paperwork she needed to sign to legally locate Vision. You hugged her during her nightmares, even though her powers had more than once flown something dangerously close to your head.

Wanda had held your hand when she helped you move out of the apartment you and Steve shared. She was simply there when you needed her to be.

Wanda grew curious easily, after the first few nights she was tempted to look into your mind. She had mastered the art of doing it without anyone knowing. However, she wanted you to tell her, she promised herself to never use her powers on your mind.

Now she had broken that promise and made you play your part in this reality, the best friend. Wanda didn’t read your mind but she had played with it. She had played with something so fragile and even when you woke up from her illusions you didn’t care about that. You had only cared about comforting her, about bringing her back from the waves.

Wanda had no idea what she could possibly have done to deserve someone as loyal as you were in her life.

But now she’s sent you away, like she did with Garladine.

She walked into her home that she shared with Vision, her heart filled with something so bitter and so sweet when she looked at him. Like she was seeing the sun after a whole week of only rain and snow but knowing tomorrow there would only be more rain and snow.

Vision turned around upon hearing the door close, Wanda was expecting to see him with that light and lovely look in his eyes just as he’s always done. She nearly stopped in her tracks when she saw instead nervousness and caution. He didn’t look at her the way Vision had always looked at her, or hell even how you looked at her.

He looked at her the way that everyone else has looked at her before.

Like she was going to hurt him.

“Vision,” she called her voice as sweet as honey, “is everything alright.” Her husband flinched back when she tried to reach for him as though her touch had become poisonous.

“I spoke to Norm,” He said his arms were crossed over his chest. His face contorted into a neutral state. Wanda felt unsettled, she felt him become reserved.

“Oh?” she said not knowing what about talking to Norm would make him act this way.

“I unearthed the man’s suppressed personality and I spoke to him free of your oversight.”

“Hello Miss. (L/n),” You didn’t bother looking away from the wall, already whoever came in here was on your nerves.

‘Miss. (L/n) we need you to answer some questions about the Hex.” You looked over and saw a man with the most punchable face you’ve ever laid eyes on. His tone may be nice but you met enough men like him to know how to spot them a mile away.

“Only if you answer a few of my own.” You retort, you saw how the man stiffened.

“I don’t think you're in a position to be demanding anything Miss. (L/n)”

“You wouldn’t have come to ask me anything personally if you didn’t need to. Unless there was something that I may or may not know that could benefit you and even then you wouldn’t have come yourself, men like you have people get the answers for you, no you would only come yourself if it was something vital. Something that no one else on this base knows about.” You cock your head to the side and smile, feeling empowered as you see his hands tighten into a fit at his side. You apparently hit the nail right on the head.

“So I feel like an exchange is in order,” You say standing up from your sitting position. The guards on either side of the man raised their guns at you. The man told them to stand down.

“I answer 5 of your questions and you answer 6 of mine.” You held out your hand.

“Miss. (L/n) why do you get to have more answers than I do?”

“Simple, you want something from me and me alone. I can ask any other agents around here my questions and not make a deal with you at all.”

His hands flex and ball themselves back into fists and his jaw clenched in anger. You really were getting on his nerves.

“I agree,” he reaches for your hand and shakes briefly.

“I’ll go first,” he says.

“How long were you in the Hex?”

“I’m not too sure of that but it’s safe to assume that I was there since it happened.” you responded, memories of the Hex were confusing and the memories of that day were blacked out almost completely.

“My turn,” you say.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Director Tyler Hayward of S.W.O.R.D.”

“My turn,” he says in a slight mocking tone.

“How did Wanda create the Hex?”

“Wanda’s powers are tied to her emotions; it's probably connected to that” You state. “What is S.W.O.R.D.”

“Sentient Worlds Observation and Response Department.” He responds.

“Someone really wanted your divisions to be named Sword and Shield really badly didn’t they.”

“Yes,” he said, “How long were you aware of the Hex while in it?”

“I was subconsciously aware the entire time, although I wasn’t completely aware until the Hex was in color and a hag gave me a notebook.”

His expression was puzzled but he dismissed it.

“What did my lab results come back with?”

“Why do you think we took blood from you while you were unconscious?”

“You're a powerful man who set up a meeting with me in secret to ask me a question you don’t want anyone else hearing. It’s not beyond you to secretly steal some blood to run secret tests on it.”

“Touche,” he admitted, “however badly I would want that Agent Rambeau interrupted me before I could give the order.”

Finally he reached the last question, the question he wanted to ask all along.

“How did Wanda reboot the Vision?”

Vision, he was after Vision. Somehow this made you uneasy, why would he care how Vision for rebooted unless...

“You have Visions body don’t you.” It wasn’t a question, his body gave him away. For a man who was running a semi secret organization he wasn’t that good at hiding his body language.

“I believe you didn’t answer my question Miss. (L/n), “ he pointed out, “I guess that means one less answer for you.”

You rolled your eyes, you would let him have that.

“I don’t know how she rebooted Vision, much less without a body, I don’t remember much of the day it happened.” His eyes hardened, upset that he had hit another dead end he went to leave.

“I still have one more question Haybitch!” You called out, his feet stilled and he turned to you, eyes wide and offended at the nickname.

“What are you planning on doing to Wanda?” That was the question you wanted to ask. His eyes crinkled as he gave you a sarcastic smile.

“I don’t know,” he said, “I don’t remember much of that meeting when it happened.”

He then left you to wallow in your own thoughts.

You knew he had a secret he didn’t want anyone else finding out.

You knew Wanda knew it.

You knew he wasn’t going to let her talk.

You knew whatever his plan was involved her not being able to speak again.

#should've known #marvel #wanda marvel #marvel x reader #marvel x you #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #wandavision #wanda and pietro #steve rodger #steve rodgers imagine #steve rodgers x you #captain america #captain america x reader #captain america imagine

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jade-it-queen · 3 years ago

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Jade. The fate of female character in Mortal Kombat

It’s been a while since I posted anything on my blog cause I’ve been busy with my life and rapid changes in it. During this time, I’ve watched the new 2021 Mortal Kombat movie as well as the new animation Battle of the realms and also rewatched the Story Mode of MK11 a few times. As you probably can tell, I have a lot to say.

JADE. MILEENA. KITANA. SONYA.

Skip this if you don’t want to read my very important (and long as sh*t) rant about female characters in MK.

DISCLAIMER. This thing is going to sound extremely feminist and women-supremacist or whatever. By saying things that I’m going to say, I by no means think that male characters should be weak or lacking. If anything, it would be nice to have some godforsaken EQUALITY. I’ll explain further later.

Part One: Mortal Kombat (2021)

There’s no Jade in this movie.

The end. That should be the sole reason I dislike it.

However, it might be better this way since the Nitara and Mileena portrayals in this movie are... questionable to say the least. Okay, y’all been robbed. If MY JADE would be brought into this movie to BE THERE for like 4 minutes of screen time only to get absolutely brutal FATALITY I. would. be. pissed.

More than I already am and that means something.

Sure, there’s a possibility that she’s going to be present in some of the upcoming movies because this one is definitely not the only one they’re going to make. But do I want that? Yes. And no.

Mortal Kombat movies (and Mortal Kombat in general) have a problem with women portrayal in general. The target audience for them are MEN, potentially heterosexual men, who want nothing more than bloody gorey fighting scenes with occasional sex scene here and there. To achieve that, they need a female lead, an attractive, kinda kick-assish but not too much, to not overshadow the absolutely badass men characters. Girls tend to be “independent” (because God forbid they’d want to express interest in the male leads before the time is right), sarcastic, laid back and sometimes even bitchy. Because, you see, they are fighters. And they are Sonya Blade. They need NO MAN. They just need plot armor, bigger than America itself. And if they’re not Sonya Blade, they are... non existent. They are there, but they are never really there. Here, let me walk on screen for a couple seconds. Let me sit beside Very Important Male Character (aka Shang Tsung) for a couple of seconds, looking absolutely gorgeous. Let me have a fight scene in which I make choices so f*cking stupid there’s no potential explanation to it. I exist in this movie to make people that love me (this character) to come into theatres in hopes to see some good action and interesting plot.

Now, I wasn’t born yesterday, I know how the world works. It’S bEeN LiKe ThAt FoReVeR, gEt OvEr here iT. Yeah, it’s been like that forever and the result is a mediocre movie that pleases neither the casual viewer, nor the actual Mortal Kombat fan. I don’t know, there might be guys who just saw Kung Lao’s fatality on Nitara, thought to themselves “Neat” and went on with their lives. But I exited the cinema with a sour taste in my mouth, feeling like I’ve watched one of the “fighting genre” films based on video games that had nothing worth remembering. Well, besides Kano. He was my favourite part of this movie and I normally can’t stand the guy :’D

Would it really help if they changed the way the women were portrayed? I mean - is that the ACTUAL problem of the movie? No, women being the eye candy and barely something else (if they’re not Sonya Blade) are not the only problem it suffers from. It’s that MK has been going the same route, retelling the same goddamn story for the millionth time. It’s always THE SAME. The only thing changing is who’s gonna get brutally killed. But - of course - out of the “disposable” character pool. It’s never Sonya (because you need our female lead or else there would be no female characters in the story), who ya know could be killed by Mileena but magically WASN’T. Because Mileena FOR SOME REASON was like: Ya know what? Naaah. Even though Sonya’s from Earthrealm and is actively trying to stop you. If anything, kill her because she annoys you. BUT NAH. It’s never Liu Kang because he’s the Chosen One. But killing Kung Lao is fine, he can die so Liu can awaken or smth. It’s not the main character because how else can you portray THE MAGIC OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP? Ya, that’s what I thought, don’t even think about it.

You have an amazing universe, filled to the brim with SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL. Let go of the same boring plot line and show us Kombat from another perspective. Change something. F*ck, go all feminist route and make a story center around Mileena dominating the world. Try with different versions of the same story, making it center around different character each time.

SURE, YOU’LL PROBABLY LOSE SOME VIEWERS BUT TIMES ARE CHANGING, AND MOST OF US ARE TIRED TO PAY FOR THE SAME STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Part Two: Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of the Realms

Jesus f*cking Christ.

To say this film was rushed is an understatement. While I was watching it, I was like: TF? Everything happens all at once, we have Kuai Liang-Scorpion story line, we have Outworld’s attack, the tournament, not to mention the final fight that should be whole another movie. I felt like no story line was properly laid out, some of the characters died before I got to even know them and the battles were... disappointing. I believe they needed to push this movie out so they squished in everything they had and just went with it.

But, again, this movie just repeats the same things as its live action version. Let me lay it down for you:

Kung Lao dies (because yes)

Sonya Blade lives (because yes)

Jade is just there (more of it later)

disposable characters are disposed of

Liu Kang is badass and always wins

You watch it and feel like you’ve already seen it before. Sure, gore is fine, human Raiden is precious and need to be protected at all costs and adrenaline is pumping (I guess).

BUT NOW.

You know what’s coming.

JADE.

My f*cking piece of sunshine, the gorgeous goddess of beauty and kombat, the woman who owns my heart.

She’s there for like not even a minute.

Words can’t describe how f*cking PISSED I am by this portrayal. These motherfrickers put her in EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE SNIPPET OF THIS MOVIE. HER BATTLE WAS IN THE TRAILER, ONE OF THE SNEAK PEEKS WAS A SCENE OF HER AND KITANA.

TURNS OUT EVERYTHING I SAW BEFORE THE MOVIE WAS RELEASED... WAS EVERYTHING I WAS ABOUT TO SEE OF HER!!!!

THEY MADE ME HYPED UP FOR NOTHING!!!!!!

I know I’m not the only one riding this trolley. Li Mei was there just to be killed. Kung Lao had a f*cking single dialogue line and then BAM, fatality, buh-bye. But I was watching everything of this movie, being so enormously happy that I will finally see Jade in the movies, FINALLY! Only for her to be present in a single scene, get her ass kicked by Liu Kang (what’s new) and then she’s never seen again, even when the whole f*cking world is breaking apart.

Again. She’s just there. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best Shao Kahn’s assassins, gets her ass kicked in fourty seconds. They NEVER let her speak ffs. She just spews some general villanous sh*t and proceeds to step on Johnny. Then, she just goes Observer mode as Kitana “betrays” Shao Kahn, gets tied to the column and then the world is ending.

WHERE THE F*CK IS SHE?!

If you hype me up for her every chance you get, at least GIVE ME what you’re advertising. This is a scam. This is criminal offense. And homophobic. She is more than a revealing outfit and Liu Kang’s punching bag. I’m SO. F*CKING. TIRED. OF THIS. SH*T.

Kitana. The rebellious princess of Outworld... turned damsel in distress in this movie. Her role is so effing bad it hurts me to my core. You see her as a general being so badass and independent... oh right, we need Liu Kang to save her because he needs to maintain his hero look. And we need two kissing scenes. How do we get there? Oh, right, let him save her, because you know - that’s what makes wahmen kiss you.

ARE YOU NUTS?!

The movie started just fine, with Kitana being in charge with her right hand, Jade. Then, obviously, they water her down and soon she is a princess in a tower (in this case, princess on a column) that needs her buffy sexy man to save her. Oh, and she can’t resist him - you know, every normal girl’s reaction to getting untied is to kiss a guy you’ve known for like a few hours but seen before and you’ve talked like three dialogue lines in total. Sure.

Kitana just gets the unfortunate role of a female main character. She’s Liu’s love interest and that makes her take the role of a strong (but surface level, only) woman who still needs her hero to free her. Classic damsel in distress story, with Kitana being the princess, Liu being the Prince charming and Shao Kahn as the dragon (lul). Of course, they try to cover this up by making Kitana a general, letting her win a few fights but it won’t matter in the end. Some say that women want to believe in fairy tales but the more I see fighting games’ lore, the more I say it’s the men who want to believe them.

Is it necessarily bad? No. But it’s boring as fuk.

I would like to ask the directors to stop being so afraid of upsetting the target audience. Target audience can change and sometimes it comes out better than originally planned. My Little Pony was designed as a child’s cartoon but it was the creepy men who made it reach the top. Morally? Questionable at best. But business is booming, right? And that’s what they care for, right?

All I’m trying to say is these days women and gays are the future.

Thank you for today, more to come. I’m going to rant about the Story Mode.

#Mortal Kombat #mk jade #kitana #nitara #mileena #battle of the realms #female #commentary #article #mortal kombat movie

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bandhyukoh · 3 years ago

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[Secret Magazine] Yaeji and Oh Hyuk Embrace the Passage of Time

Disclaimer: This interview belongs to Secret Magazine. Find the original source (part 1) here. Part 2 posted by hyukoh updates. Interview by Jeff Ihaza, Fall 2021.

After a meteoric rise within indie and dance music circles, the musician Yaeji found herself within a whirlwind of success. Just before the pandemic hit, she released her debut mixtape What We Drew on XL records. It was poised to send the singer, DJ, and producer on a world tour, soidifying her as one of the biggest new acts around. Then, of course, everything came to a screeching halt. For Yaeji, born Kathy Lee in Queens, New York, it might have been a blessing in disguise. “I needed to pause. I think if I did go on a tour that year, it might’ve depleted my energy and my soul,” she tells me over Zoom. “I came out of this, understanding myself so much better. Which can only help with my music because it is about what I understand. So in a way, I am just grateful.”

Now, after what by today’s standards might seem like a long hiatus, she’s ready to emerge with a distinctly new sound. She recently connected with friend and fellow musician Oh Hyuk for a pair of tracks that feel as liberated as the musician describes herself as these days. “29” and “Year to Year” confront the passage of time with delicate care and confidence. In conversation, the two artists describe making music with intention, and rejecting society’s obsession with youth.

So, talk a little about how you both met and how the collaboration started.

Yaeji: We have a bunch of mutual friends in Korea and, I think for me it was mainly through Dawn and Dasom, who I’ve known for a bit. When Dasom introduced us, I was already familiar with Hyuk’s music. We got to hang out a few times throughout a couple of years before we got into music.

Hyuk: Yeah, that’s how we met.

Were you always thinking about making music together, or did that happen separately from you guys being friends?

Hyuk: It was more out of coincidence. We weren’t planning anything, but after we met a couple of times, it just came out naturally.

What made you feel like it was a good creative match?

Yaeji: I think for me because I’ve always been super particular about who I collaborate with. Honestly, this is the first time I’ve ever collaborated with someone in this way, where it’s from start to finish and the boundaries are blurred of who’s producing, who’s writing, and all of that. I think trust and faith came first for me, just from speaking with Hyuk and getting to know him and knowing that we have all these mutual friends that I love and trust. For me, I felt like we had a lot of similarities as people, and in the way,, we grew up, and things like that. So then the music came more naturally after that.

What was the songwriting process for the two songs?

Yaeji: For “Year To Year,” which came first, I had initially written the demo two years ago, and I played it for Hyuk when I first went over to his place with Dasom. He was like, “It’s cool.” Then I think it was a year or so later that we started writing stuff together. When we got together in person we were like, “should we revisit this?”

For “29,” I specifically wanted to sing about the push and pull of time, and the different ways time feels depending on whether I’m in Korea or America. Then when we were finishing it together, Hyuk wrote the other half of the lyrics, which then became the intro to the track.

Hyuk: For the intro, it was also about time. The importance of age 29 is very prevalent in Korea. So, I thought it would be interesting to focus on that. 29 marks the end of your 20s, it’s like an end of a decade, but it’s also the start of another decade. So that’s what the lyrics also talk about.

Both of you are younger than 29, right?

Yaeji: We’re both 28. Actually, Hyuk turns 28 on his birthday in October. But in Korea, the age system is different. Everyone turns a year older on January 1st and you’re already one when you’re born. So I was always older in Korea by a year or two. I think there are overlapping things between different cultures, like the significance of your 20s, and what it means to enter your 30s, and all these milestones the world tells you to meet before you enter your 30s. So I think it’s just about sitting between all of these thoughts.

Especially since you travel between Korea and the U.S., can you talk about navigating that different sense of time? Do you feel like you have to act more mature in one place over the other?

Yaeji: Not only that, I feel like my family is there, which means I have to click into a slightly different mode. I become a slightly different person when I travel back to Korea. I end up having different dreams. When I talk about these thoughts that I have in the States to my friends in Korea, that’s actually when I feel most liberated and it gives me a new perspective. That’s a big part of why I feel so good right now, and why I’ve been feeling positive about all my shows, and everything going for us. I think it comes from this really special perspective I got from being in Korea more often.

When you guys were writing these songs, were you thinking about coming to peace with aging, coming to peace with leaving your 20s?

Yaeji: Yeah. I think something Hyuk mentioned earlier is that this song is also about diving into our 30s, and with open arms. Receiving our 30s, and looking forward to what’s to come. For me, I wanted it to be a way I can redefine it and own it, and feel comfortable in it. This is a way we’re documenting that uneasy tension of that exact transition that happens. I feel like you hear it in “Year To Year.” Even if you don’t know the lyrics, sonically, I think it feels emotional, but in a happy tears way. With “29,” there’s a back and forth tension happening where it’s really hard and dark, but then it opens up and it’s super joyful. So that’s how it feels.

“29″ is interesting too, because the refrain of, “I got to go, I got to go” is pretty big there. Where did that come from?

Yaeji: Yeah, the lyrics to that came together in 10 minutes. I don’t know. Hyuk made that demo first on his iPad and then we were bumping it, and I immediately was like, “Oh, I know what I want to say.” I don’t know, that’s how it happened, but I guess personally it’s been something I’ve wanted to express because when I wrote those lyrics, I didn’t hold back. I think usually both he and I tend to write more abstract lyrics, more metaphors. But with this one, when I heard the demo, it was mostly percussive. I just felt like there should be no filter on this. I wanted to speak about all the bullshit we had to experience and how I deal with the bullshit, how I’ve learned to move on from it as I grew older. I think as I repeat, “I got to go,” the meaning changes because the first time it’s like, “I got to get the hell out of here.” But then the second half it feels like we’re all going somewhere together, and it’s not as much like running away.

So, you wrote the lyrics, Hyuk?

Hyuk: Yeah. The lyrics for “29” came from childhood. What’s funny is I have a slightly different perception of the meaning of, “I got to go.” For the first half, it’s like, “I got to get the hell out of here,” but for the second half I thought of it as more sarcastic. So all of the melodies and the beats were focused on the sarcastic meaning.

Yaeji: Which I love, I didn’t know this until now. Because there were no guitars or anything when we did the vocals. Then there was another session, and I was showing Hyuk music I was listening to, and there’s this YouTube algorithm hole of Samba drum and bass, Bossanova drum and bass and he was into it, he was like this is what I was thinking of with the demo and then laid down all the guitars. So I didn’t know it was him thinking, “Oh, this is sarcastic.”

Hyuk: It was like a tease.

This is sonically a pretty big departure from the clubby sounds you're known for.

Yaeji: Right before the pandemic hit, I bought my first guitar and it was just an impulse thing. I was thinking about how my dad was in cover bands, playing guitar. So I was just like, I never learned it, but I was just playing with it. Then, serendipitously, the year after, Hyuk and I started making music together. The way he plays the guitar is really different from how I feel like people normally play. There were sounds he was making that made the guitar feel like a totally different instrument, it's more plucky at times and he has crazy pedals. So when we run them through, it just when sounds completely different. Then for me, since I had never mixed guitar before, and I do a lot of mixing in my music, that was really fun. Because it's a completely different palette, completely different frequencies. That got me super excited about it. But obviously, in the subconscious, there is a lot of rock and indie rock music I did listen to growing up. So maybe there's a bit of that as well that I'm reaching back into. But that wasn't as conscious for me.

Hyuk, talk about your approach to playing the guitar.

Hyuk: I first started the guitar because, of all the instruments that I had my hands on, the guitar was the one that I could play the best. That was my first approach to the guitar. For this project, I was familiar with Yaeji's music, even before we started this project, so I tried to match my guitar sounds with Yaeji's music as much as possible. Because normally my guitar sounds would be more on the analog side, and a little bit warm. But for this project, I tried to change the guitar to a more digital style so that it would be a match for Yaeji's music overall.

What drew you to one another's sound?

Yaeji: I think I first discovered, or not first, but definitely, it played a lot because my dad is a huge fan of Hyuk. So either I listened to it in the car or at home, and then I started listening to it separately. I wasn't listening to anything like it because mostly I'm digging for dance music or listening to electronic music. But there's something, I don't know, Hyuk's music changed a lot. So the music that I first heard back then were the biggest hits, it goes straight to your heart, and his voice is unique. I thought the songwriting was beautiful. I had the feeling that he's probably listening to all kinds of stuff, not just band music or rock music, and then it turned out to be true.

Hyuk: When I first heard Yaeji's music, it was very minimal and dynamic. I don't know how to express this, but in Korea, we say that the music has a headline, that's an attention grabber, something that grabs your attention, and pinpoints right into your ear. Yaeji's music has that.

Yaeji: Also, something interesting I've realized with our voices is that when I'm mixing it, I usually have to trim certain frequencies in my voice because of just my mouth shape and how I sing. With Hyuk's vocals, I do the same treatment, I just copy-paste my EQ on there. So I thought that was special and interesting, and possibly why our voices worked well together.

It's so interesting that your dad was a fan. When you guys were recording together, did he come?

Yaeji: He didn't know if that would be weird for Hyuk, right? I think he's a shy guy. But he did come, I didn't tell you this, Hyuk, but he came when you were in the studio.

Hyuk: Oh really?

Yaeji: You left your pedals and stuff there, and he was like, "Is this Hyuk's?" And he's like, "You think I can touch it?" and I'm like "I mean, I'm sure that's fine." But yeah, he was geeked out about it but he didn't share that with any of us, he held it in.

Is it hard to navigate the creative process when there's the element of fame in the air?

Hyuk: Before I started working with Yaeji, I did most of my work in a studio. But for this project, it was a time to visit the home-recording style that I worked in before I was in a studio. So that was pretty fun because working DIY matches the sound that I usually want.

Yaeji: When you started, you were just working on your laptop in a dorm room.

Hyuk: Yeah.

Yaeji: So you're familiar with this, but you're revisiting it for the first time in a while, right?

Hyuk: Yeah.

Yaeji: I think both of us were saying that we were finding this process of writing not as inspiring or enjoyable right before we working together. Then through the process, for me, it brought a lot of joy and excitement back.

Did you learn anything working with Hyuk and seeing someone else navigate a large following?

Yaeji: I guess, when I'm with Hyuk, it just feels like I'm with a homie and I truly forget how famous he is. It's only when we're walking around and then I'm like, "Oh yeah, we should be low key right now." Because people might take pictures, then I'm like, “Oh yeah, I forget.' So yeah. But in our music careers, when I'm thinking about that, I feel like actually when he's touring Europe or the States, we've played at a lot of the same places. So we're received in a similar way out in the West. This was the first time I became friends with a musician that I truly feel like a peer, like an eye-to-eye level. So that was a big part of why this collaboration and friendship was important for me.

Your debut mixtape came out right as the pandemic kicked off. What was it like? What was that transition like for you?

Yaeji: Rough. But we were talking with the label the whole time, because this was my first release on XL. They were like, "Should we just release it?" Because we had set the date. I said, "Lets just release it because this is music I wrote in solitude in my room or at the studio alone. This was me recording my everyday. Right now we're about to be in our rooms alone, spending every day, so I just want to be honest with it." Then there was this long pause, right? Not much happened, and we had a tour for this mixtape that got canceled. So I think the tricky part was that I didn’t know what everyone was thinking about it. I didn't get any reactions, I wasn't able to sing with everyone. But at the same time on a personal level, I needed to pause. I think if I did go on a tour that year, that might've depleted my energy and my soul. A lot of interpersonal things happened that year, but I needed that. I came out of this, understanding myself so much better. Which can only help with my music because it is about what I understand. So in a way, I am just grateful too.

Obviously in the US, K-pop is very much the main conversation. What do you feel like the expectations are from you guys when you tour the West or share music with the West?

Yaeji: Hyuk, do you want to go?

Hyuk: First of all, it's a fact now that K-pop is popular around the world. But in Korea, there are also a lot of other types of music, and genres, but due to the market size, the volume of the market is relatively small. So there aren't many chances for those other genres of music to go outside into the world. It's like the example in Japan, people call Japanese music and genres J-pop as a whole. So that's how the Korean music scene is referred to, just K-pop as a whole. But there are also a lot of genres and good music that would work in the global market, but there are limited chances. So those types of music don't have a chance to meet the global audience yet.

Yaeji on your end, it's almost like you get to occupy both and show something different.

Yaeji: Yeah. It's interesting also who decides to categorize me as K-pop and then who doesn't. It's interesting also looking at my related artists on Spotify, for example, how there are mostly Korean fans. But to the West, it's West-centric, so when they hear music from the East, like say Korea, then it's just easy to be like, "Okay, this is all one thing.' I think, yeah, there's a bit of frustration that comes with it and I mean, Hyuk and I have a lot of thoughts on K-pop. Something that he was talking about was new knowledge for me, how K-pop's precursor was J-pop and how a similar thing had happened to that genre years before.

In a lot of the earlier press you got, there was a big push to put you in that box of Korean musicians. How do you see that now with some distance?

Yaeji: Yeah. Well, I guess I have my fair share of frustrations with how ... I mean it's tricky because as musicians we put music out and we have our whole experience with it. But then the people that translate it to listeners are writers and writers often have to categorize music so that listeners can understand it easily or are spoonfed it. I think in the beginning I had to be categorized to go through that whole process. I mean, being called a Korean musician was one thing. But then also being limited to house music producer or at times rapper for some reason was confusing to me. I think it was a learning process for me to understand that this is how it is and that this is how the system is, so let me try to figure out ways around it. I think it's still a thought in progress, but it's interesting because it's like we made this, so ideally we tell our whole story about it. But attention spans are getting shorter, and algorithms are happening, and it's so hard to make my life experience succinct for somebody, but I know it has to happen too.

What are you guys looking forward to in terms of people receiving this music?

Yaeji: Well, we're interested in what the reaction will be here versus in Korea. We were talking about how "Year To Year" has more like Korean lyrics, that's the most obvious difference.

There was a lot of conversation about the fact that you sing in Korean and English. Is that something you still think about?

Yaeji: I think the reason why I switch back and forth is completely different now because in my early interviews, I say how in college I made music in Korean because most of my friends couldn't understand it. So that was a way for me to just sing about what I wanted to, and it's because I was shy about what I wanted to think about. Now, I think I switch between them freely. I'm not more self-conscious, it's just that some things I can say through the Korean language, and there's no other way to say it and vice versa... Hyuk, you sing in English a lot as well, no? I was always curious why.

Hyuk: I didn't write English lyrics to make a global debut or anything. But when making music, some lyrics just come to my mouth that just feel right. This also goes for tracks as well, for certain tracks, the diction and the accent in the Chinese language would feel right, and in other tracks, the smooth flow of the English language would feel right. So there's not a specific reason, but when making music and making tracks, there are some certain language lyrics that feel right for the track and music. Sometimes when I write lyrics in Korean, I feel somewhat bare and a little bit more pressure when I write in I Korean. Sometimes English is also more comfortable when writing lyrics.

What's something both of you learned from the other person while recording together?

Yaeji: Something I've been processing since I came back here is how my outlook on everything has changed. But mainly for my work in music and specifically right now for touring and I realized this because when I was there and not even when we were just making music, like when we were doing the photoshoot or the music video shoot, I saw Hyuk. I looked around and I saw all friends, and it made me realize for the first time that all of these people have come together and are losing sleep and giving their all because they believe in us, and they want us to be able to put our music out in the world with the exact intention that we wanted. It served as a mirror to me and what I have here. Then in the most simple sense, I just became grounded and grateful. So yeah. I don't know how else to put it, honestly. My outlook on everything is so much more optimistic and I'm just so down now, like yeah. It's for playing these festivals, normally I'd be so sad and stressed out and anxious, and I felt so happy and excited. Some things like that to me, I just, every decision I make with Yaeji now, I think Hyuk was able to give me a new perspective on it.

What about you, Hyuk?

Hyuk: Well, first of all, the way Yaeji was very calm and relaxed, that's something I learned from her. Music-wise, the detailed bar-to-bar production approach that Yaeji had was very refreshing and new to me. So I'm really into that production approach these days. Also I became more interested in dance music. So these days I'm trying to work on new dance tracks. So that's also an interesting thing that I learned too.

Kathy, are you going to take him to a rave?

Yaeji: Oh, yeah, for sure. When he comes to Brooklyn, we'll go to a warehouse, 24-hour rave, no sleep.

Hyuk: Sure.

Yaeji: This was like confessions. Because we never tell this to each other, Jeff. You're mediating us, just being honest with each other.

#hyukoh #oh hyuk #ohhyuk #hyuk #yaeji #t: interview #secret magazine

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qqueenofhades · 3 years ago

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Keeping my fingers crossed for that Black Widow meta

Aha, okay. As usual, I am ludicrously easy to enable, so let's take a crack at this. The ask obviously contains SPOILERS for the Black Widow film (and is also tagged "black widow spoilers" if you're planning to filter), and discussion/reference to other films/properties in the MCU, though I don't feel like any of those are still a secret.

Anyway, as I said in my earlier post, I can't believe I am actually still trying to critically analyse a Marvel production in the year of our Lord 2021, but then, I feel like we all have a complicated relationship with it. Likewise, the feeling of "oh wow NOW you're giving Natasha a solo movie after you killed her off in a cheap and fairly sexist way in Endgame?" If this film had come out ten or even five years ago, it would have been major, but holding it off until now seems to have left most of us justifiably unimpressed. Plus, as I am absolutely not the first person to point out, it renders Natasha's sacrifice in Endgame "because I don't have a family" even more narratively incoherent. I realize that this film was written after that one by totally different people, there's no point in expecting the MCU to make consistent canonical sense throughout its eighty billion different films/series, we were all stuck with a mess after the Whedonified Age of Ultron Nat, and so forth, but still. Natasha explicitly SAYS that she has two families (her wacky Russian found family of spies and the Avengers) and her decision to leap off the cliff in Endgame to save Clint and his retconned perfect white heterosexual nuclear family.... Hmmmm. To which I say to you, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I do bite my thumb at Male Writers, sir.

Likewise, while I am wildly attracted to Florence Pugh as Yelena and deeply desire to be wrapped between her thighs, the movie felt more like her story than Nat's. Yelena drove most of the plot and the action, while Nat was just kind of along for the ride. As a solo piece, we really didn't learn that much about Natasha aside from the opening scene (which felt like it was straight out of The Americans and probably worked the best of the whole film for the reason) with her childhood in America. But even the infamous "what happened in Budapest" backstory with her and Clint was quickly info-dumped rather than shown, and they could have taken more narrative risks or included more flashbacks or otherwise given us more NATASHA, y'know??? Instead of cramming the film into the small space between Civil War and Infinity War and making it even weirder that Nat seemingly has no memory or reference to these events when she returns to the team at that time. Why not show her looking for Yelena or her actual defection to the Avengers or anything else we might want from a film that purportedly exists entirely to provide backstory for a now-dead character? It felt like even in the film universe, the main quest was being repeated -- she tried to kill Baddie McSoviet once before and it didn't work out, so she has to do it again, something something. Okay.

As for that, good ol' Marvel and its American Superiority TM. The only actual Eastern European actress in this film about Eastern Europeans was Antonia/Taskmaster, played by the Ukrainian Olga Kurylenko (and I was very interested in her?? If she's supposed to be a narrative foil and a ghost of Nat's past and mark of her former sins, etc., why not develop her as an actual character?) Everyone else were Brits and Americans hamming it up with even more chew-the-scenery fake Russian accents than Elizabeth Olsen's "Sokovian" accent as Scarlet Witch. If it's established that they all have perfect American accents at the start of the movie, why is Nat the only American-accented character in the modern day if she had presumably the exact same childhood as Yelena? I know it's another way to set her apart, but that and Baddie McSoviet (the Russians are finding a way to steal free will from people's brains! Zomgz!!! Is this 2021 or 1981?) were straight out of the Cold War in terms of its not-so-veiled American Supremacy Message. Likewise, making modern!Natasha a former KGB agent never really made sense, since she says in Winter Soldier that she was born in 1984, and we see her in this film as an 11-year-old in 1995. But the USSR collapsed in 1991, when she was seven, and the Red Room appears to be an entirely unrelated flying....lab....thingy run by a generic evil Russian (Ray Winstone, likewise Hamming Up Accent). So like. What is she, guys?? Make up your minds!!!

Likewise, Baddie McSoviet/Dreykov as a villain obviously plays into the hoary old Hollywood "All Bad People Are Recognizable As Being Terrible Sexists and Also Probably Russians" trope, but aside from that, he doesn't make sense. He has this entire army of basically unstoppable Widows and he has just been.... waiting around and causing random explosions? Or was just waiting for Nat and company to return so he could Put His Evil Plan Into Motion? Are we really supposed to believe that this guy has just been sitting up in his flying saucer and essentially never doing anything this whole time? He had about a million chances to launch this take-over-the-world plan long before Natasha ever got there. Plus, I.... am.... not sure what to think (aside from /deep sigh/ MARVEL) about the fact that all the Widows we see dying/getting killed on screen are women of color. (Then the Black surgeon who was about to remove Yelena's brain in the Red Room and the only other Black guy being Natasha's errand boy, which just... in context... YIKES.) I think the fact that there are random Black background Widows are supposed to mean that they're inclusive and badass or something? Scarlett Johansson also has her own issues with White Feminism and all the other things we've critiqued her for before, so after TFATWS and the Flag Smashers, Marvel clearly has found its subtly racist sweet spot. As usual?

The end of the film also just basically turns into the standard Marvel empty-spectacle/cool-looking fights/people flying through the air thing, and I wanted a lot more focus on the wacky found-family Russian-spy hijinks (I did love them, for reasons) and character dynamics, rather than all of them separately fighting baddies in different places. I did obviously have feelings about Natasha putting the parachute on Yelena to save her life. But why were we then denied Nat/Gamora parallels/relationships/any character development or interaction at all in Infinity War/Endgame? Both of them are trained assassins adopted into a non-biological family that they have a complicated relationship with, but end up forging a strong bond with their sister (Yelena/Nebula) nonetheless. Of course, that would have required Endgame to put more effort into its female characters than what it did, which was one (1) Epic CGI Charge Scene at the very end, and literally nothing else. Not that I am still salty about this or anything.

Anyway. The movie was genuinely fun in places. The wacky Russian found family of spies was definitely the best part, even if it made Endgame even more nonsensical as a result. But I wanted this movie to be a lot better than it was overall, though I probably would have liked it more if it had actually come out in a timely fashion and wasn't only released after they killed her off. It just feels like there were so many possible threads of potential that could have been done with Natasha if they were actually interested in experimenting and exploring the character and not just coming up with new baddies and ways to go boom, and it unfortunately missed the mark with that.

#anonymous #ask #black widow #black widow spoilers #mcu #long post

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secretsofthedarkestkind-arch · 4 years ago

Text

Elena starter for @storieswrittcn (this may or may not have gotten away from me, Remember you said you like novella. I also took part of the ramble part one but altered it also)

We are outsiders Living inside a broken world We are outsiders And I know sometimes it can hurt But it gets better yeah we'll make it through We'll stay golden when we're black and blue We are outsiders But we're not hiding anymore This is who we really are

It had been fifteen years since she’d seen either of her brothers face to face. Fifteen years since Lee had spoken to the eldest. Fifteen years since she had thought of Mystic Falls, thought of all the ghosts that lurked within the town's shadows. Lee Salvatore had made it a habit to push anything regarding her brothers, that town, or their past to the deepest recesses of her mind. She had built life after life without them, embracing the warped gift of eternity. She hadn’t truly looked back after she’d transitioned. Finally able to become who she really was without the suffocating opinions of the church, her community, or her family.

It wasn’t an easy journey. Slow in it’s progression. Lee’s aunt had always told her she was a soul gifted before it’s proper time; her sexuality, the way she was born, her passion and skill when it came to art, her desire to see the world. None of it fit in the 1800’s. But as times changed pieces of Lee started to belong. Each change brought new opportunities, allowing Lee to start to put herself together.

She was still an outsider, still judged--but what else would you expect living in a broken world? What didn’t fit into the neat little boxes of people’s minds, what didn’t fit the societal norm, was still given so much hate. The only difference was now there were those who fought for equality, unafraid to use their voices to promote change. Those people gave Lee hope, gave her strength. Finding those people throughout the last 145 years had shaped her.

Lee Salvatore was still an outsider, but she was also so much more. She was an artist, one with more alias’ than she could count on both hands. She was a college graduate, several degrees tucked away in a safe. She was a traveler, passports filled with stamps and a mind filled with memories she had never imagined to have. But most of all, Lee was finally able to look in the mirror and accept the person she saw; the youngest Salvatore was who she truly was. She held no more self hate. No more whispers of ghosts past haunted her. She was an outsider, but she wasn’t hiding who she really was anymore.

While Lee had taken the road of self discovery, her brothers’ hadn’t. They’d been living in a siblings quarrel, at least Damon was. Stefan suffered at every turn at their brothers hand whenever they fell into each other's orbit or Damon specifically sought him out. Lee was drugged into it whenever Damon crossed too many lines, risking their exposure to the world.

Stefan had called her no more than seven hours ago asking for her help. There was a trail of bodies leading straight to town, ‘animal attacks’ that couldn’t be explained were catching the eye of news outlets. She hadn’t even known Stefan was back in Mystic Falls. When Lee asked him why he couldn’t just leave, he explained there was something holding him in Mystic Falls that didn’t allow him to--something that could finally give him a sense of belonging--and refused to believe the attacks were Damon. All he wanted was for Lee to be there with him, help keep the spotlight off their kind. The vampire might loathe her brothers, wanting nothing more for them to be miserable, but she wasn’t going to allow Damon to out them.

Which is why Lee was driving down the main strip on her motorcycle. The town was busy; teens scattered across the storefronts trying to enjoy their last hours of summer vacation. She came to a stop at one of the only stoplights in town, rolling her shoulders dreading whatever was to come when she reached the boarding house. The youngest Salvatore felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand, a shiver going down her spine, every nerve ending coming to life in a way she hadn’t experienced in years. Lee let her head turn to the right, following the pull of whatever was happening.

‘What…” The lithe form of a brunette teen who was walking beside another girl was at the center of her focus. “Turn around.” Lee knew the brunette couldn’t hear her words. Her plea was answered as she turned, eyes almost searching. Those eyes, that’s what did it. “Who are you?” A horn from behind her snapped Lee out of her trance, for a nanosecond the two locked eyes. The vampire’s eyes hidden behind her aviators. The next Lee was pulling off, possibly faster than she should have been. Now she had the true answer of why Stefan refused to leave.

----

Lee placed a few notebooks, her sketchbook, and a few pens into her satchel--the one she’d had since she was a teen; a gift from her aunt she’d never been able to part with. She glanced up at the ceiling hearing Stefan’s footsteps on the roof. A sigh left her lips, why had she agreed to this? She was roughly 160 years old and able to enroll herself in a Small Town America High School. It was ridiculous; a complete stalker move. There had to be other ways for Stefan to get to know this girl, if that’s even what he was truly hoping to do. For how Stef had explained the situation, Lee could tell he was only doing this because of Katherine.

Subconsciously her thumb started to play with the band of her daylight ring. She was thankful for the chance of life Katherine Pierce had given her but there was so much Lee wished was different. Shaking her head to break out of her thoughts she moved toward her closet to get dressed. Lee scanned through her options, To be me or be who society thinks I should be? It was a debate she hadn’t had in a long time. To make this work she couldn’t disturb the waters between her and her brothers too much. A short laugh left her lips, that was a joke. The three couldn’t be in the same room without starting something. As it was right now, it was just two of them. With that thought in mind Lee grabbed an outfit that would be her.

Guys white wash skinny jeans that weren’t too tight to show her tuck, a grey and white hooded baseball tee that had a pocket on the left chest, her grey vans, and her black leather jacket she’s had since the 90’s. She finished the look with a black watch. One more look in the mirror and she was pocketing her phone with one hand and slipped her satchel over her shoulder with the other.

She knew Stefan would already be off. His stalker-like tendencies being on overdrive since the ‘animal attack’ last night after Lee had arrived. She ignored Zack who was in his office and headed to the garage, she wasn’t going to run to the school. There wasn’t anything wrong with arriving in style.

-------

Stefan met her in the parking lot. Lee took her helmet off and ran her fingers through her hair, glancing at her brother, her own sunglasses covering her eyes. “Why do you always insist on dressing like that?” He asked, judgement clear in his voice.

“This is me Stefan. You know that. Let it go. You asked for my help so take me as I am or I get on this bike and leave.” She told him. Lee wasn’t going to put up with his judgement. The world had given her enough of that. Plus her brother had already had his fair share of giving her judgement when they were younger. “I hope you know what you’re doing.” Lee stated, “This is definitely traveling into creeper status.” Stefan didn’t answer, just turned to walk through the crowd of students covering the lawn reconnecting after a summer away. She moved into step beside him, she knew they stood out; leather jackets, both well built and confident in their strides, the aurora of not giving a fuck rolling off them both.

They finally found their way to the admissions office, standing shoulder to shoulder. Stefan handed over the file that was supposed to hold all they needed but Lee knew was missing more than a few things. She wondered which of the two would compel the woman. Stefan could but where all he drank was Bambi and Co blood who knew how long it would last. Lee sighs, she’s ready to make the move when something behind them stops her. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up, her nerves firing up again, and she felt that pull to turn around. She also could feel a warm buzz in the air, a witch.

“Hold up. Who’s this?” The first female says, the witch.

The secretary’s voice brings her back to what’s in front of her, saying exactly what she knew was coming. “Your records are incomplete. You’re both missing immunization records and we do insist on transcripts.” Lee glances at Stefan out of the corner of her eye. The last transcripts she had were college one's back in the 1980’s. She hadn’t done high school since the late 70’s and that was only to get into Yale. Their art programs the top in the country.

Thoughts of the past make her miss her chance, Stefan is taking his sunglasses off, “Please look again,” Lee adjusts her satchel hoping Stefan can do this right. “I’m sure everything you need for both of us is there.” Lee chews the inside of her lower lip, her free hand moving to remove her sunglasses just in case.

The secretary looks back down, “Well you’re right.” Lee tucks her sunglasses into the collar of her shirt as the woman looks back up at her brother. “So it is.” Stefan-1, Humanity-0.

“Thank you,” Stefan, ever the polite one, says. As they turn to go, Lee glances over at her brother’s schedule. Seems they have all but one class together--Lee has art and Stefan a creative writing course. That works.

“You’re welcome,’ The secretary says, her eyes landing on the two teens in the hall. “Ahh! Miss Bennett, Miss Gilbert I’m glad you’re here. Do you think you could show our two newest students around?” She stands up from behind her desk to walk around to the siblings. “This is Lee and Stefan Salvatore. I think they both have a few classes with you both.” Lee takes in who she now know as a Bennett witch, why the magic felt warm. She gives the teen a charming smile before the pull is to much, her head being forced to turn to the brunette beside her. The vampire takes her in, all she can see is someone new. Lee doesn’t see Katherine when she looks at her. “Hi,” The charming smile turning into a much softer one. “I’m Lee.” She offers her hand to the girl.

#v: outsiders & living in a broken world #r:elena #rs: her humanity #s: someone to light your path #tw:mentions of violence #tw: violent thoughts #tw: vampire

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honeypiehotchner · 4 years ago

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i knew you (Bucky Barnes soulmate AU) -- part one

I know, I know. I just finished a story and I started another one and now I’m posting a different one...I’m insane. But I’ve had this idea for a while, just never wrote it down until last night! Enjoy xx.

Also! It’s Bucky x Reader, but it might read as Steve x Reader. I promise it’s platonic!Steve x Reader, though. Steve has no intentions of stealing Bucky’s girl. He knows Bucky would haunt his ass if he did (this is set in The Winter Soldier movie, so Steve still thinks Buck is dead).

Warnings: just some general sadness and angst, mentions of depression, it’s angst city honestly it made me cry

You watch as the old footage replays of Bucky’s wide grin. The only kind of smile that his best friend, Steve Rogers, could draw out of him with one single look or gesture. The only kind of expression that knocks the wind out of your lungs and sends chills down your spine.

“Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable both on schoolyard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country.”

You hastily wipe a tear away. It’s been months since you put the pieces together. Months since your parents told you that they had known for years. Months since they told you they didn’t want to tell you because they didn’t want to see you hurt.

Months since you’ve realized the man you keep seeing in your dreams is Bucky Barnes.

At first, you thought you were crazy. People dream of faces they’ve never seen all the time, right?

Soulmates are said to be rare, but not nonexistent. You’ve always thought they were real, just that the world was so cynical to really talk about them. The idea that there is one person out there whose soul is connected to yours is exactly the kind of thing that would send this generation walking the other direction with their middle fingers raised and eyes rolling in disbelief.

Then you started remembering your dreams. You started to see his face more clearly. Granted, you had no idea it was Bucky that you were seeing.

You came to the Smithsonian almost half a year ago now with your best friend. She realized you both had never been before, and she basically said fuck it one day and took you with her. Her exact words were, “How have we gone to college here for a year and a half and we’ve never been to the damn Smithsonian?”

You weren’t expecting to meet your soulmate that day.

Of course, you use the word “meet” very loosely. Your soulmate isn’t alive, which explains the emptiness you feel on a daily. It’s been said that soulmates can feel what the other is feeling. Often times it’s muted, but recognizable.

You got to see his face, to finally realize that it’s Bucky. The Bucky Barnes.

It sounds ridiculous — and God, you love your best friend for not calling you pathetic that day — but when you walked up to the very exhibit you’re standing at right now and saw Bucky’s smile...you knew. Instantly, you knew. And it moved you to tears.

It was like your soul had finally found her counterpart, here, grinning like a madman next to his best friend, all the way back in the 1940s.

Your parents knew simply because of things you would say, offhandedly, without even realizing it.

Your interest in WWII caught their attention, but it surprisingly didn’t last long -- only from about the time that you turned thirteen to a few months before your fourteenth birthday. You would’ve found Bucky a lot sooner had your interest in the war itself lasted much longer, but it didn’t. You wonder now if you subconsciously knew it was Bucky, but steered yourself away from it in an attempt to save yourself the heartache at such a young age.

Your taste in music has been the constant that they didn’t quite understand at first. You listen to modern tunes, sure, but you’re a sucker for the music of the 40s. Even clothes. You sometimes found yourself leaning toward the styles of the 40s in subtle ways, not realizing it.

The true confirmation of their suspicions came, though, when your mom said she heard you say Bucky’s name. The first time was on a road trip. You had fallen asleep in the car. You were sixteen at the time. You were dreaming and you have no recollection of ever saying his name. You weren’t even aware that you said his name while you were dreaming until she confessed that day.

You haven’t told anyone about it. Your best friend doesn’t even know. She still believes you got too excited about seeing Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, that’s all. She doesn’t know the real reason, the real aching pain that you feel every day.

The only thing that eases the ache is this. Hogging this exhibit. Watching the footage over and over again. Watching Bucky’s smile and being unable to hold back your own, despite your tears.

You know the staff must think you’re delusional. Somehow you haven’t cared enough to entertain the thought. But you have seen the security guard give you strange looks when you walk in almost every other day.

It used to not be this bad. You came every day for a few weeks, but then you were able to calm down to once a week, sometimes twice a month, if you were too busy with school to think about Bucky much.

But lately, something has changed. You don’t know what it is. You still feel the emptiness, but something is different. It’s...troubled. That’s all your mind can come up with.

It makes no sense, though. How can Bucky be troubled? He’s dead. You believe in ghosts and all -- you’ve never been given a reason not to -- but you’ve heard more stories than you can count from people whose soulmate has died. They all say the same thing. They felt it when it happened. Because it was like a switch was flipped. They were feeling everything one moment, and the next, it was all gone. Empty.

Empty. How you’ve felt since the day you were born. You’ve been to therapists and they all told you the same thing. It’s just your thinking. Change your thinking processes. You’ve never slipped or spiraled far enough for it to be classified as a depressive disorder or anything else, just...empty.

When you found out about having a soulmate, and even more so when you found out it was Bucky, you still felt empty, but not as much. It was like everything suddenly made perfect sense. The emptiness had a purpose, a reason for existing.

When you see him smile, everything makes perfect sense. You feel like you have a reason to exist.

“Excuse me, miss?”

You slowly drag your eyes away from Bucky, preparing yourself to deal with a disgruntled museum-goer or staff member complaining about how long you’ve been standing here. But that’s not who you see.

He’s wearing a hat, but the resemblance is unmistakable.

Quickly, you glance at the video before looking back to the person beside you. That’s him. Steve Rogers.

“Hi,” you say hesitantly, quietly. He’s obviously hiding, which he is right to do. If anyone got wind of Steve Rogers walking around here, there would be mass chaos.

“Hey,” he replies just as quiet. “Um...Wanna get a coffee?”

You have no idea why he’s asking, but you nod anyway. Who would say no to coffee with Captain America?

Outside the Smithsonian and down the block, you bring Steve to your favorite spot to get coffee. Your best friend turned you onto it when you first got here for college, and you’ve gone here weekly ever since.

After grabbing your coffees, you pick a table far enough away from everyone else on the patio to talk without anyone listening in.

“So, uh…” Steve exhales, shifting in his seat. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” you shrug, holding onto your cup with both hands. “Why did you ask me to get coffee?”

“You looked familiar,” Steve says, slowly. “What’s your full name, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Y/N L/N. Why?”

“Y/N…” Steve mutters under his breath, a crooked smile crossing his face. “I can’t believe it’s you.”

“Huh?”

“Bucky used to talk to me about you,” Steve continues, and you swear your heart stops. “He had me draw pictures of you. He couldn’t draw for crap, but he kept describing you to me from his dreams. I’ve drawn so many I’d recognize your face anywhere.”

“He dreamt about me?” You whisper. “Really?”

“All the time,” Steve nods, smiling sadly. “So you’re his soulmate?”

“I guess,” you say. “My mom says I used to say his name in my sleep all the time. I dreamt of his face, too, but I never knew it was him. Until my friend took me to the exhibit a few months ago.” You pause. “It sounds stupid. But seeing him there makes me feel...better.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve says suddenly. “It can’t be easy being born in a completely different generation.”

You smile softly. “Thank you. I’m sorry, too. I can’t imagine how hard it is to still be here after all this time. And without your best friend, too.”

“Yeah, it hasn’t been easy,” Steve admits. “But thanks. I appreciate it.”

“If it’s not too much to ask,” you begin, pausing to think about if you’re going to regret this. “Would you tell me about him? Just anything. It doesn’t have to be anything profound, just...anything you want to talk about. But if it’s too hard, don’t worry about it.” You wave your hands in front of your face, already preparing yourself for Steve to politely turn you down.

But he doesn’t.

“Bucky, he…” Steve pauses, shaking his head. “He was a lot wealthier than me back in the 40s. I had no business acting the way I did, picking fights with people three times my size, but I still did it. And Bucky was always there to pick me up off the ground and give me a ride back home.”

“Yeah?” You chuckle. “You used to be super skinny, right?”

“I was really sick, actually. Bucky had every reason to treat me like anyone else, but he never did. We grew up together -- though I used to joke that he grew up. I stayed the same size. But he never made fun of me for it.”

You can’t help but grin. “That video in the museum -- his smile. I see it in my dreams all the time.”

“Yeah, yeah that was Bucky’s signature grin. He could give any woman that smile and they were his.”

“I can see why,” you admit quietly, averting your eyes when Steve raises his eyebrows. You change subjects, not wanting to talk about how attractive you find Steve’s dead best friend -- despite him being your soulmate. “What was his favorite thing to eat for breakfast?”

Steve takes the bait, and for the next four hours, the two of you sit on the patio, talking about Bucky Barnes.

His favorite color? Your eyes. Which you think is a little ridiculous, but Steve swears it’s the truth.

His favorite thing to do? Go dancing. Hands down.

His favorite thing to talk about? You. Again, you give Steve a stern look, and again, he swears it’s true. But when he wasn’t talking about you, Steve says Bucky talked a lot about the future. He was an optimist. Steve has no idea how, but Bucky always saw the brightest side.

Bucky was kind. Kinder than a lot of men his age, at the time. He had that blinding smile and instead of hiding it and going for the mysterious, brooding attitude, he chose to smile as much as he could, to anyone who looked like they needed it.

Realizing that the sun is beginning to go down, Steve decides to get you home.

“It’s alright, I can walk,” you tell him, feeling high on everything Bucky. “It’s just up here. I go to college here.”

“At least let me walk you to the campus,” Steve offers.

You raise an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“Bucky would kill me if I let his girl walk home alone. Especially when it’s getting dark.”

“Fine,” you cave. Hearing Steve refer to you as “Bucky’s girl” sends chills down your spine -- the good kind of chills. The kind that makes you wish it was the 1940s. The kind that makes you wish Bucky was here, holding your hand, walking you home.

Once you reach campus (you decide to let Steve walk you all the way to your dorm building), you ask Steve the question you’ve been wondering about ever since you first saw Bucky in the museum.

“Hey Steve?”

Hands stuffed in his pockets, Steve turns his head toward you. “Yeah?”

“If this was the 40s...do you-- Do you think I’m the kind of girl Bucky would want?”

Steve’s steps falter. You slow your pace to match his until you’re both stopped, looking at one another.

“What is it?” You ask.

“Yes,” Steve says simply. “Yeah. I do. I know for a fact he would’ve torn down every building until he found you. Because he tried.”

Your breath hitches. Deep down, you had convinced yourself that you weren’t the kind of girl Bucky would want. Not that it’s your fault because you were born this side of the millennium. But to hear Steve tell you otherwise makes you freeze.

“What?”

“Bucky didn’t have me sketch you because he wanted me to practice my drawing. He did it because he wanted to see a picture of you. Something he could keep in his wallet and look at every night. He was a ladies man, yeah, but every single one...he wanted them to be you. But they never were.” Steve shakes his head. “It really tore him up, that he never found you. He still held out hope, though. Until the very last second.”

Tears have sprung to your eyes before you even realize it.

“Before he fell, he--” Steve pauses. “He told me to promise that I’d find you. I guess I kept my promise after all.”

He looks up to see the tears in your eyes, streaming down your cheeks. Without a single word, Steve pulls you into his chest, and without hesitation, you let yourself cry.

He’s not Bucky. And you’ll never find your Bucky, but he’s close enough. Steve promised Bucky that he’d find you, and he kept that promise. Now he’s going to do everything in his power to keep you safe.

Because he knows for a fact Bucky would’ve wanted that, too.

#i knew you #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #platonic!steve x reader #captain america: the winter soldier #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes soulmate au #james buchanan barnes #james buchanan bucky barnes #angst city y'all #it will not have real fluff for a while #we are stuck in traffic in angst city lmao #oops

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sunshineandbnha · 3 years ago

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After All These Years - Denki x reader (Denki birthday special)

Word count: 2,355 Warnings: not edited A/N: I really did try to get this out on his birthday, but now it’s 8 minutes too late. It’s kinda rushed, but I really like this idea. Hope you like it.

"It's almost our third year in UA."

"I know, crazy right." Kaminari laid back in the grass. His hands were folded behind his head.

The wind combed through your hair. It was a nice day and you both agreed to meet at the park.

"You know, back when I applied to UA, I thought I'd have a girlfriend by now."

"Yeah." You absent mindedly nodded.

"I know! If we're still single when we're thirty, we'll marry each other!"

You laughed, not taking his suggestion seriously. "Well, I would want to date someone before I marry them. Besides, how do you know I won't become a hobo by then." you said jokingly.

He let out a sigh. His gaze drifting down to his side. "I just don't want to be alone."

You paused before rolling your eyes a little, but you decided not to tease him about it. You jokingly agreed, "Yeah. Sure."

It was your first day off in a while, and you took this precious time to sort through the growing mess in your room. Picking up each individual item and trying to figure out what to do with it. You came across an old photo. The frame around it was a nice wooden brown, though it was clear from touching it that it was just plastic. It had collected some dust

It was a photo of you with your friends while you were still in highschool. Among them was Kaminari. You smiled as you sat back on the one area of your bed that wasn't cluttered from cleaning. It had been years since then.

Wait.

"Shoot!" You stood, "It was his birthday today wasn't it?"

You quickly walked out of your room to find your phone. Both to check the date and to text him if it was. You were in the process of searching for it when a knock at the door interrupted you. You didn’t recall anyone saying they were coming over. You carefully walked up to the door.

"It's me, Denki."

You opened up the door to the smiling blond on the other side.

“It’s my birthday! Miss me?”

"Hey! Not that I'm upset, but what are you doing here?"

"I thought I texted you that I was coming over?" He said.

With an eyebrow quirked, you found your phone after a minute of searching and checked.

"Oops. Sorry, I had it on silent."

“No problem.” He bounced on his toes. “It’s been a while since we saw each other in person. Like, a month or so?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “Wait a second, that was in winter.”

His eyes widened. “Oh! Right! Yeah, it was cold that day. So, ouch, five months ago.”

“Good for catching up. Sorry, I completely forgot it was your birthday. I swear I had just remembered and was about to text you before you knocked.”

“It’s all good.”

You nodded and fell into an awkward silence. Both wanting to talk about something, but having no idea where to start.

Kaminari smiled. “So, thirty, right? Back in U.A. I almost thought I’d never get this far.”

“Yeah.” You laughed. “We’re getting old.”

“I know,” he nervously nodded. “So are we gonna date now?”

“Excuse me?”

“Remember about fourteen years ago when we said if we didn’t find anyone by now, we’d start dating?”

“Holy- we’ve been friends that long?” You shook your head. “But, I did? I don’t remember... well, I guess I kinda remember that now that you mention it?”

“Oops, I guess it was a while ago.” His head sunk into his shoulders and looked to his side with a nervous grin. “But… wanna try?”

You bit the inside of your lip and looked up. Well, considering this was your day off, you didn’t have much better to do. Of course, there was the clutter in your bedroom, but you were also subconsciously keen on looking for an excuse not to do it. Plus, you really didn’t have a problem with going on one date with him. And…

"Fine. We'll go on a date and see how we feel by the end of it."

His golden eyes lit up and his smile grew the biggest you'd seen it in a long time.

You loved to see him happy.

"But, I have one condition," you had said, "it can't get out to the media."

The media and citizens loved to meddle in pro heroes' love life. Simply going to a café together would get you on trending pages for the next week. And though you never experienced this, you've seen how stressful it could be. Lord knew how much hate Shouto's girlfriend received from his fangirls when a camera first caught them. There was even a rumor about reporters going to her apartment when someone found out which complex she lived in.

Of course, you didn't know her or Shouto personally. It happened around five years ago, and you didn’t even know if they were still together. But it was enough to convince you to try not to get caught up in that kind of drama if you could help it.

"This mask is kinda stuffy," Kaminari tugged at the black mask on his face.

You walked by his side on the sidewalk. The air felt still and hot. But at least the night prevented it from getting any warmer. The temperature actually felt comfortable if you were sitting.

"Sorry. I just don't want someone to see us together and blow it out of proportion. Especially since we don't know how we feel about this yet."

"True. But it's so hard," he whined.

"Hopefully you didn't pick a restaurant to go to."

"I actually didn't. I hope you'll really like it."

It all felt so strange, because it didn't feel odd. You were both talking and hanging out like you usually would. The only difference now was that there was the official title of "date" going along with it. You both spent a lot of time together like that when you were still high schoolers. He actually asked you out a few times, but you always said no and insisted on being just friends.

Though just a few months before graduating, you started to develop feelings for him. You ignored it. You knew he didn't feel the same. It hurt to see him asking other people out at that time, but it was fine. It hurt, but you knew your silly feelings meant nothing and you liked being friends with him.

You past shops, getting closer to the park.

Initially after graduating, you didn't see each other very much. You were both busy and it put strain on your friendship, or maybe just you. It was because you wanted to talk to him, you really did, but you had other, more pressing, things you needed to do. It was around that time, when you weren’t constantly seeing him for the first time in a few years, that you realized how much you relied on him, despite you being the one to remind him of homework and keep him out of trouble.

You wandered into the park. Kaminari took your hand and led you off the path and towards the pond.. You tilted your head in confusion, but followed. He stopped by the water next to a cherry blossom tree, though by now the pink petals were gone and replaced by glossy green leaves.

He stared out onto the water, you did the same. The night seemed so much more still here. The sky was a beautiful black with flecks of diamonds that reflected off of the water.

You almost forgot you were still holding hands.

"I've always wanted to take someone special to me here on a date." He smiled. "But I've never gotten to before."

"So, I'm the first?" Out of all everyone, were you really the only one to get to see this with him.

"Yep."

You thought for a second. "What about Natalie?"

He gave a small laugh, but one that was filled with some sort of bittersweet emotion. Sadness? Longing? None of those were really the right word. Maybe if there was a word that meant "remembering a happy what-could-have-been".

"Yeah. Natalie was amazing, but by the time I was comfortable enough to take her here our schedules didn't allow it."

You picked at your memory. "She was born in America, right?"

"Yeah, but she couldn't remember it since her family moved to Japan when she was three."

You nodded, then your eyes drifted downwards. "Sucks she had to move to Paris for her career."

"Yeah. But that’s in the past. I hope she's doing good right now. I bet she has awesome clothing lines out now." He stared up in the sky.

The tension was way too thick for you right now. You playfully bumped his arm. "Admit it, you liked her because she could draw."

"Yeah! Her drawings were amazing!" his eyes lit up and had a distant look, like he was remembering them. Then he paused "Waiiiiit, are you saying mine aren't good?"

"What? No, no!"

You burst out laughing and he did the same. It rang out across the water and in the night air, where everyone could hear, but you didn't care. It felt like your own tiny world.

"You know," you started. "Back when you said that whole 'if we're thirty and single' thing, I thought you were joking. You know,” you said before he could respond, “Back in the last year of U.A. I actually did start to have feelings for you.”

“What?!” he jumped back in surprise. "You liked me? Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Because you didn’t feel the same.”

“True,” he said in a quiet voice, “But I did earlier, you were just a year too late. I mean, since then I mostly saw you as a friend, but another part of me wondered what it would be like if we did date.”

You hummed and nodded. “But for me, it took me forever to get rid of those feelings. A part of me almost didn’t want to do this because then that time would be wasted.” Especially when it hurt so much and took so long.

He glanced at you, but didn’t say anything. You didn’t blame him. If you were him you wouldn’t be able to find any words for what you just said too.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

A silence fell on you.

He bit his lip. "So, I guess you're my friend, a really close one, but at the same time I also see you as something more. If that makes any sense."

You nodded. "Yeah, I think it does."

"So, you actually, really, like me, at least at some point?" He said slowly.

"Yes. Stop asking. This is really embarrassing." You covered your face with your hands.

"Hey! Don't cover your face!"

He fought to get his fingers around your wrists to pull them apart. You did your best to keep them in place, hands shaking in effort, but he was stronger. You angled your face away in a futile attempt to prevent him from seeing it, but all with a smile on your face.

He put his finger under your chin and turned your head toward him. He was already smiling. The small amount of light coming from the city reflected in his eyes. But then his features softened. He leaned in ever so slightly.

"Gosh, you're beautiful."

You could feel his breath fanning your face as he whispered. You felt yourself being pulled closer to him, as if some magic force moved you, and your lips met. The moment they touched, you felt a tingle, not quite like electricity, but there was no other way to describe it. You felt yourself relax. Muscles you didn’t even know were wound up went slack. You found your hand reaching to the back of his neck and gliding up into his hair. His arm snaked around your waist to hold you closer.

It was like your forgotten dreams were coming back to life, stronger and more vivid. You felt walls you built crumbling down before him as you melted into the kiss and the moment. And for that moment, you were the only ones in the world.

Then that moment ended. You suddenly squinted from a sudden flash of light.

The kiss broke from your mutual confusion. You blinked hard and looked to see where it came from. What you found was a guy, who appeared to be in his twenties, though it was hard to tell in the light. And in both his hands, he held a phone, ready to take a picture.

Oh, this was NOT happening.

You stomped up to him. The look of fear on his face was comical. It was hard to tell, but you think he turned pale.

“Delete that right. Now!”

He frantically nodded, fumbling with his phone. You stood over him, staring at his phone to make sure he deleted it and didn’t upload it to the internet. As you did so, Kaminari walked beside you and bumped you with his elbow.

“Still shy?” he whispered.

You pouted, eyes turning down slightly. You waited for the guy to be done. After inspecting his recent photos to make sure he did, you gave his phone back. He apologized before running away.

“I just don’t want anyone to know for now. It's just... this is personal for me. Just... give me time, okay?" you said.

"I've been waiting forever to be with you. I'm pretty sure I can wait to tell my friends about it." He wrapped his arm around you.

It was a beautiful night. The still water glistening. The trees decorating the horizon. The stars shining above you, witnessing the event. Crickets applauded you. Aside from that, the world was quiet, as if respecting this special moment

"But seriously. Don't tell your friends about it, okay?"

"Okay. Okay. I won't. I promise."

"That's what you said with the pop tart incident!"

"Okay then, I pinky promise. On our love... and friendship! Alright?"

"Alright."

#denki x reader #kaminari denki x reader #denki kaminari x reader #denki kaminari #kaminari denki #bnha denki #happy birthday denki #bnha x reader #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia

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css1992 · 3 years ago

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Guilty Pleasure

[Porn AU]

Summary: Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM.

All the warnings listed on Part I apply.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII / Part VIII / Part IX / Part X / Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

Peter was unreasonably nervous on the way to Tony’s house – he felt like a teenage virgin, even though he was far from that. The problem was he knew the older man probably had certain expectations for what was about to happen, it was impossible for him not to have, of course. He watched all of his videos, he followed his Just4Fans, he had seen his wildest, sexiest, naughtiest side, but the thing was, that didn’t really come natural to Peter.

What most people didn’t seem to realize was that porn sex was very different from real life sex. Most of the things that looked good didn’t necessarily feel good, because porn wasn’t about getting off, it was about getting the viewers off, at the cost of the actors’ own pleasure sometimes. In Peter’s experience, most of the times.

Tony was older, experienced, Peter supposed he knew all of that, but he also met him through porn, he had seen him have sex with several people several times, so who knew, maybe he thought Peter actually liked being choked half to death or slapped black and blue. Maybe he thought he liked it rough, no prep and no lube, and maybe he wouldn’t understand that if he cried and begged him to stop, he wasn’t trying to be kinky, he just–

“Hey.” Peter jumped up in surprise when he heard the man’s voice to his left. Tony had both of his hands on the steering wheel, but his eyes were focused on him. There was a small frown between his brows and the younger man wondered if he had missed something. “I can still drive you home if you changed your mind, ok?”

“What?” Peter asked, a little too loudly, and the older man gave him a small smile.

“You just seem a little freaked out,” he clarified, and the boy blushed, dipping his chin down to stare at his lap. “There’s no pressure here, Peter. If I somehow made you feel like you have to do this, please –“

“Gods, no!” He cut him off, because that was the furthest thing from the truth, not even once did Tony make him feel like he had to do anything. “I’m sorry, it’s just – been a while since–” he started, but then he felt dumb, because he used to do that for a living and Tony knew it. “I mean, without cameras and stuff.” He mumbled, feeling his face burning in shame at the confession.

He was surprised when the older man’s hand came into view, grabbing one of his gently. Peter raised his eyes to look at him.

“Tell you what,” Tony started with that charming smile of his, squeezing his hand a little. “We’ll just have a few drinks and see where it goes. I’ll drive you home at any time you ask, just say the word.”

Peter sighed, feeling weirdly relieved by those words. It wasn’t like he didn’t know that, but it was still nice to hear. He could quit at any time. He was still in control of his body. He got to decide whatever happened next.

“Sounds nice,” he said, and Tony must have heard the honesty in his voice because his expression softened and the corners of his lips tilted up.

A few minutes later, Stark Tower popped into view as they turned a corner and the younger man noticed they were headed there, which confused him at first, but Tony explained he lived on the top floor of the tower. Peter was surprised to hear that, he always assumed he lived in some fancy building in Manhattan, but when he thought about it, it made sense. Tony living anywhere else could be a threat to his neighbors’ lives, what with his side job and all.

“I used to live in Malibu.” Peter remembered that. He also remembered his mansion was destroyed in a terrorist attack back in 2010, after Tony basically gave the Mandarin his home address. “When I moved here, I decided to turn the top few floors of Stark Tower into my home. It was all for me at first, but later it became the Avengers headquarters. A few of them lived there for a while, like Steve, before we… You know.” Peter didn’t know, actually. He remembered Captain America and a few others became fugitives at some point, but he didn’t really know the story behind it. To be fair, he didn’t think the public at large knew the whole truth either. “Now it’s just me again.”

Peter didn’t comment on the fact that he skipped the part where he probably lived there with Pepper Potts. The boy didn’t lie when he said he didn’t know a lot about the older man’s life, but some things were hard to miss, like his marriage to the most powerful woman in the world. Peter remembered it was literally all over the news, meaning the divorce, just a little over a year earlier, was just as covered by the media as well.

He decided not to ask, though.

When they arrived at the tower, Tony got out of the car and went around it to open the door for him. He blushed at the small act of chivalry, but the older man didn’t even seem to realize it. He once again placed a hand on the small of his back as he led him to a metal door that slid open with a quiet hiss after both of their faces were scanned.

Tony nudged him inside what looked like an elevator; there were no buttons or anything, but it started moving up as soon as the doors closed behind them. The ride up to the top floor was filled with “fun facts” about the tower, for which Peter was grateful, he could tell the man was trying to put him at ease and he appreciated it.

When the elevator dinged and the doors slid open to reveal a fancy living room, though, he couldn’t help the nervous sigh that left his lips.

“Okay, I know I promised drinks, but I think we had enough at the restaurant, right?” Tony’s warm hand never left his back, and it had a soothing effect on him. Peter nodded, because they did share two bottles of wine during the meal, plus half a bottle of champagne for desert. He wasn’t wasted, but he was definitely not one hundred percent sober either, so maybe it was best to to keep it that way. “How about some coffee, then?”

“Sure, sounds good.” He smiled politely, as the older man led him into the living room.

It was huge, Peter was positive it could fit his whole apartment and there would still be a lot of room left over, but it was also very empty and minimalist. There was a couch and a few armchairs, they looked expensive, but not very comfortable. Other than that, there were paintings on the walls, a few decorative pieces, but nothing that stood to attention, except for the huge floor-to-ceiling glass wall, from which he could see almost all of New York City.

“Make yourself comfortable, I’ll be right back.” Tony gestured to the couch, but as he walked away in the direction Peter assumed was the kitchen, he headed to the window, watching the view.

He took a deep breath, trying to get his heartbeat somewhat under control. He wasn’t sure what was about to happen, what he wanted to happen, but most of all, he worried about the day after. About what would happen when he left the tower, when he left Tony behind. His brain told him that that whole night was a one time thing and that was it. But somewhere in his heart he hoped for… more.

He didn’t know what, though. He and Tony belonged to very different worlds, hoping for anything other than a one night stand seemed pointless.

“Here you go.” Tony walked back into the room, he had lost his jacket and tie, the top buttons of his shirt were open, exposing some of his chest, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. Peter gulped, feeling a shiver run down his spine as he tried to focus on the coffee mugs in his hands, instead.

“Thanks.” He walked over to where the man was standing next to the couch, and accepted the drink, looking around the room, trying to find something that could distract him from his shaking hands. “Is that you?” He pointed at a barely visible black and white picture hanging on the wall of a hallway off to his right, leading away from the living room. Tony seemed surprised that Peter even noticed it, but he walked over there and waved for the younger man to follow.

“This is Dum-E, my first born, and this is me at sixteen,” Up close, Peter could see that it was a newspaper clipping and the headline read Tony Stark poses with the prize winning robot in his father’s workshop at Stark Industries. In the picture, he was crouching down next to a hydraulic arm robot, smiling proudly at the camera. Peter couldn’t help but notice that, of all the times he had probably made the newspapers, it seemed like that was the only one he chose to frame.

“You looked so cute,” he cooed, focusing on the kid in the picture. It wasn’t good quality, but he could tell Tony looked nerdy and maybe a little awkward. He wondered if he got picked on a lot in college. When he turned to look at the man’s face, he was smiling at him, amused. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m just glad you’re here.” Peter’s heart went so wild in his chest, he was worried the older man could hear it. “Thanks for agreeing to meet me, by the way, I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision.” Tony placed his mug on the console table next to them.

“I hope it wasn’t too disappointing.” He chuckled nervously, leaning against the wall and holding his mug with both hands so the man wouldn’t notice how they were still shaking.

“Actually, it was way better than I imagined, kitten,” he assured him, moving to stand right in front of him, leaving Peter trapped between him and the wall.

“What did you imagine?” He took a sip of coffee, before placing his mug on the console table too, watching as Tony discreetly took a small step closer to him, so the tips of their shoes were almost touching.

“That you might turn out to be a kiss-ass who would try to impress me with a fake personality or something, but you can’t fake this.” He pinched his pink cheek, which made Peter blush even harder. “What did you imagine? About me, I mean.”

“It varied.” He said, to put it lightly. “But when we first started talking, I got almost everything right.” He bragged, because, to his credit, it was true.

“Yeah?” Tony’s eyes widened a little in surprise.

“Yeah.” Peter nodded, eyes roaming the man’s face, remembering all the things he fantasized about over the past few months. “Your hair, your eyes… Your voice.” His voice was small when he finished, as Tony closed the space between them by leaning in closer, one hand resting beside his head on the wall.

“My voice?” He lifted a brow and tilted his head to the side, blinking in curiosity.

“Mm-hmm.” He agreed nervously, eyes flickering between the man’s eyes and his mouth.

“Did you think about it a lot?” Tony was almost whispering then, his voice sounded smooth and low, and they were so close Peter could feel his coffee scented breath on his face.

“All the time.” He admitted, blinking slowly, hypnotized. Tony looked at him for a few seconds, eyes searching his face for something. When he seemed satisfied, he placed his other hand on Peter’s hip, gently, barely there, caging the younger man’s body completely in his arms.

“What did you think about?” Tony’s eyelids were so low he might as well have his eyes closed, but Peter knew he was staring at his mouth, which made him lick his lips. His heart was going wild in his rib cage, his breath growing irregular, talking became such a difficult task he didn’t think he could answer the question if he tried. “What did you want me to say to you?”

“Uhm… I just… Nice things.” He breathed out, eyes fluttering closed as he felt the man’s warm breath in his ear.

“Nice things.” He whispered, and then Peter could feel not only his hand on his hip, but his whole arm wrapping around his waist, pulling him closer. He gasped. “Like how good you are to me, hmm? Want me to tell you how beautiful you sounded when you said my name for the first time? How bad I’ve been wanting to touch you, since the first time I saw you?” Peter whimpered and lost all the strength in his knees, but Tony had a firm grip on him, holding him up. “Can I take care of you, sweetheart?”

“Yes.” As if the answer could be anything different from that when Tony’s arms were so warm around him and his breath warmed his neck and his smell enveloped him in a dream-like state. His eyes were already closed when Tony’s lips crashed into his and it was all Peter expected it to be.

Tony’s kiss was demanding, but gentle; anxious, but slow. His mouth moved against his like he had been waiting his whole life for that moment, his tongue sought passage through his lips and Peter obliged, meeting him halfway, and if there was any shred of doubt in his mind, it went right out the window at that second as Tony devoured him whole.

He felt his back slamming against a solid surface, even though he didn’t feel his feet moving. It took him a second to realize he wasn’t standing anymore, Tony had lifted him up and pushed him against the wall, catching him by surprise. He wrapped his legs around his waist, as he felt the man’s hands sliding from his hips down to his ass cheeks, where he squeezed tight.

His fingers got lost in the locks of Tony’s thick hair and a shock traveled down his spine when he felt the older man’s cock pressed against his, hips rocking torturously slow. Peter let out a surprised cry and Tony swallowed it eagerly, sinking his fingers into his flesh, they were so hot Peter could swear he could feel them through the fabric of his too expensive dress pants.

“Tony...” The name slipped out of his mouth without he even realizing it, the sound got trapped between their lips, like a shared secret.

“Shhh,” Tony shushed him when he whimpered, overwhelmed with all the feelings – the heat of their bodies glued together, the intensity of their incessant kissing, the feel of Tony’s hardness pressing against his, his hands roaming his body like they owned him – it was almost too much, Peter thought it might drive him insane. “Come on, let’s get you comfortable.”

The older man let him down gently, but held him firmly by the hips as he did, which was a good thing, since it took him a minute to find balance again. He gave him a lopsided grin, grabbed his hand and started pulling him down the hallway.

He followed the older man to what he assumed was his bedroom – it was just as big as the living room, probably, there was a huge bed in the center, and one of the walls was entirely made of glass, just like in the living room, but it slowly grew darker and darker until it was a solid gray color, hiding them from the world outside and vice-versa. The room was dark, then, and it took a minute for his eyes to adjust.

Tony let go of his hand and turned around to look at him, as he calmly undid a few more buttons of his shirt, eyes fixed on Peter’s face. He felt his cheeks burning again, which made the corners of the man’s mouth tilt up.

He sat down on the bed behind him and before the younger man could wonder what he was supposed to do next, he felt Tony’s hands on his hips, pulling him closer, until Peter was standing between his spread legs and the man’s face was almost pressed against his chest.

“We can stop right here,” he said, looking up at him, and Peter had a sudden urge to run his hands through his hair, so he didn’t hold back. Tony closed his eyes and sighed, turning his head a little to kiss one of his palms. “Did you hear me, honey?” He asked, firmly, looking into his eyes, and he nodded.

“I don’t wanna stop.” He whispered back, cupping the older man’s face, leaning down for a kiss.

Tony groaned into the kiss, satisfied with Peter’s initiative. He reached for the back of the boy’s legs and pulled them until he got the message and straddled him. They both moaned softly when their bodies found each other again. It was amazing to Peter how much easier it was for him to feel comfortable when they were so close, when Tony’s hands were burning his skin and his tongue was claiming his mouth in the most possessive way.

Again, he barely felt when Tony maneuvered him, he just felt an incredibly soft surface against his back and realized he was lying down with the older man between his legs. He felt dizzy, a little out of his mind, like he was in a dream. The room was dark and so very quiet, the only thing he could hear was the sloppy sounds of their lips locked together – and he had to admit he was growing addicted to it, to his taste, to the way his kisses left barely any room for breathing and still he would rather suffocate than ask him to stop.

He whimpered when he felt the older man pull away. He opened his eyes only to meet his heated gaze staring down at him for a moment, before he sat back on his heels and finished unbuttoning his shirt, slowly revealing more skin as he went. Peter noticed the scars on his chest and for some crazy reason he wanted to touch them, kiss them better, even though he knew they probably didn’t even hurt anymore. He bit his lower lip, trying to hold himself back.

“Enjoying the view?” His eyes snapped back up to Tony’s face and the man was smirking down at him, as he slid the shirt off his arms and threw it carelessly to the floor.

“Can you blame me? It’s quite a view.” Peter felt bold enough to say, watching the smile grown on older man’s face, as he leaned down again, his arms caging the boy’s head when he placed his elbows on each side of his face. He brushed his nose along Peter’s cheek, until he reached his ear, biting down on the lobe as he blew hot, moist air against his skin. The boy shivered, closing his eyes, hands flying up to grab Tony’s naked shoulders as if he was afraid he would sink into the mattress if he didn’t hold on to something.

“You think you can just say stuff like that and get away with it?” The words were mumbled into his neck as he bit down with hunger, one hand sliding down his torso, reaching for his belt. Tony started undoing it as he kept whispering in his ear, “You wanna hear nice things, but you keep trying to drive daddy mad, how is that fair?”

“Oh God,” Peter gasped, when he felt the man’s hand slide down the front of his pants, under his underwear, wrapping around his cock without any warning. He started massaging it slowly, almost lazily, as if he didn’t even realize he was doing it. “Daddy, please...”

“Now that’s a good boy. So polite.” His lips came crashing down onto Peter’s as his hand tightened around his cock, jerking it at a faster pace. The boy wrapped his arms around Tony’s neck, hands finding their way into his hair for the hundredth time that night – God, he loved his hair, so thick and soft in his fingers – and pulled him even closer to his face, deepening the kiss in an almost desperate way.

Peter kept trying to get Tony’s hand to move faster, thrusting his hips up every chance he got, but the older man ignored it completely, keeping his own, steady pace, as his mouth slid from Peter’s lips to his neck. The younger man threw his head back, exposing his throat, allowing Tony to have his way with him, there was nothing he wouldn’t give him right then and there, he was his.

“You smell fucking delicious, baby.” He inhaled deeply, nosing the exposed skin right above the collar of his shirt, then both of his hands started working on unbuttoning it and Peter whined at the loss of Tony’s touch on his cock. “It’s okay,” he whispered as he slid the shirt down his arms, throwing it to the side. “I’ll take good care of you, baby, I promise.” He leaned back down and kissed along Peter’s collarbones, before sucking one of his nipples into his mouth.

Peter was so fucking hard, just hearing those words almost sent him over the edge, it was ridiculous. It didn’t help that the older man’s tongue was abusing his nipple until it was hard and oversensitive, before he attacked the other one.

He slid his hands from the man’s shoulders, down his sides, reaching for his belt, but before he could do anything about it, Tony grabbed both of his wrists in one hand, catching him off guard, and held them above his head. Before Peter could say anything, his mind was distracted by those delicious lips assaulting his again, and the pressure of the older man’s hands around his wrists and his solid weight on top of him was enough to tame him into submission.

“Don’t move,” he demanded in a whisper, giving Peter one last peck on the lips before getting off of him. He bit his lower lip, trying to contain any sound of disappointment he might make, and shut his his eyes tightly. He kept his hands where Tony left them, above his head, like he could still feel the man’s fingers around them.

In seconds, Tony was back, Peter felt him positioning himself between his legs again, but didn’t open his eyes. He felt the older man’s hands on his hips, grabbing the waistband of his pants, slowly sliding to bring them down along with his underwear, leaving Peter naked and completely at his mercy. The feeling was inebriating.

When he didn’t do anything else for several seconds, the boy opened his eyes, breath hitching when he saw Tony in all his naked glory, kneeling between his legs, holding the base of his rock hard cock as he looked down at him with hunger in his eyes.

Before Peter could say or do anything, Tony leaned down and, without any warning, enveloped his cock in the wet warmth of his mouth, swallowing him down in one single motion. Peter cried out in pleasure, head spinning, eyes watering, legs spreading wider to give the older man more room to do whatever he wanted to him.

He bit the back of his hand when the man started sucking him, head bobbing up and down in a steady, slow pace, before drawing back with a pop, only for his lips and tongue to circle the tip of his cock, swallowing it down again right after, until Peter could feel the back of his throat. He couldn’t avoid the moan that slipped from his lips, as one of his hands flew to bury into Tony’s hair, but he didn’t dare to apply any pressure, he just pulled a little on the soft strands, trying to get himself under control.

When Tony set a quick pace with his mouth, Peter started pushing his hips just a tiny bit, keeping up with him, skin burning, hands gripping the sheets as if it could hold him back. He felt something cold and wet trying to make its way between his ass cheeks, making his eyes fly open, widening a little. He panted, knees falling further apart, allowing the older man better access. He felt one finger pushing in, calmly, gently, as the man kept sucking him off just as enthusiastically, Peter barely felt the burn on his lower back when the finger was completely sheathed inside him.

He was overwhelmed by the double stimulation, but he’d be damned if he was going to ask Tony to stop or slow down. He rocked his hips at Tony’s pace, obediently following the rise and fall of his head, thrusting up into his mouth and then down against his finger, taking anything and everything he could get.

He was already going insane when Tony held his hips down, as he slowly introduced another finger along with the first, the burning sensation taking the edge off a little, to Peter’s relief. He stayed still for a few seconds, feeling Tony scissoring his fingers, trying to open him up as best as he could, until both of them were buried deep inside him, pressing all the right places, pushing all his buttons at once, and he knew he couldn’t take that for much longer.

“Daddy, please, please... Please...” He pulled Tony’s hair until he reluctantly lifted his head, letting his cock go with a pop, eyes meeting Peter’s head on, dark as midnight.

“Please what, baby boy?” He asked, still fucking his fingers in and out of his hole, pain and pleasure mixing and making it impossible for him to rationalize anything.

“Please fuck me,” he begged, watching a slow smile appear on the older man’s face.

Tony climbed on top of him and attacked his lips, to Peter’s delight, who wrapped his arms and legs around his larger body, pulling him closer, their heated skins flush together, the boy could feel every inch of him enveloped by Tony’s warmth, his scent, all of him.

When Tony pulled away, Peter quickly moved to turn his back to him and lay on his stomach, not sure if he would want him like that or on all fours, so he pushed his hips up, giving him the option to put him on his knees if he wanted to. It took Tony a few seconds to lay his weight on him again, his chest glued to his back in a delicious friction, hips aligned, his hard cock pressed against his ass, as he mouthed at his neck, sucking and biting.

“Will you turn around for me, baby?” He whispered in his ear, nudging him on the side. Peter blinked a few times, trying to look at him from over his shoulder, but the angle didn’t allow it. “I wanna see you.”

His breath hitched and he froze for a second, feeling both of Tony’s hands sliding down his sides. He put some space between them and nudged Peter again, but didn’t force him to turn, he let him choose. The younger man obeyed, after a few seconds of stunned silence. Tony rested his weight against him again, holding his gaze.

“Is this okay?” He whispered against his lips, waiting long enough for Peter to breathe out an almost soundless yes before devouring him. He closed his eyes and let himself go, gave himself over the other man, without a hint of fear, untroubled by the consequences of the day after.

He felt Tony’s hands, strong and rough, grabbing both of his thighs, lifting one of them to place his ankle on his shoulder, spreading him wide open. He felt the wet tip of his cock brushing against his hole, making it quiver in anticipation. Peter only had enough time to take a breath before feeling the older man start to press into him, but his moan was swallowed by Tony, who kissed him deeply as he forced his way into him, slowly and unrelenting, the burn was painful but so fucking good.

“Tony, please,” he begged, he didn’t even know what for, when he felt the man bottoming out. He wrapped his arms around his neck, burying his face in his shoulder, breathless, shaking all over. “Daddy...”

“I’m here, baby,” he whispered, holding still for a few minutes. Peter appreciated the gesture – he did – but he really needed more, he needed Tony to move, he needed Tony.

He rocked his hips and immediately felt his already swollen lips attacked again by the older man’s as he pulled his cock out slowly, and then gently shoved it back in. Peter squeezed his eyes shut, breathing through the pain, but he didn’t want to stop, he didn’t want time, he felt full and satiated and he just wanted that feeling to last forever.

Tony started picking up the pace, fucking into him with short, shallow thrusts at first, and then long and deep ones as Peter’s muscles relaxed and started to give in to the intrusion and suck him in deeper. Tony must have felt it because he held him down by the hips and started fucking him like he meant it, and the younger man threw his head back, crying in relief and pleasure and delicious pain, only to have his throat attacked with kisses and bites, Tony’s beard scratching against his smooth skin, leaving burns that felt like claiming marks.

“Please, I’m gonna–“ Peter didn’t have to say anything, soon there was a hand wrapped firmly around his cock, pumping it at the same pace as Tony thrust into him, and it was too fucking much, Peter bit down on the man’s shoulder and squeezed his eyes tight as came with a blinding force, body shaking all over. Tony thrust a few more times, hard and deep, as he grunted, before he pushed one final time and fell on top of him with a sigh.

Peter panted, trying to catch his breath, what proved to be tricky with the larger man lying on top of him, but he made no effort to get him to move. On the contrary, he gathered the last of his strength to hold him by the shoulders, keeping him close for as long as he could.

He must have drifted off at some point, because he was startled awake by someone sitting by his side on the bed. When he opened his eyes, the older man smiled sheepishly down at him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he whispered, leaning down to peck his lips, before sitting up again. “I’m just gonna clean you up a little, ok?” Peter blinked a few times in confusion, until he looked down and noticed the older man had a wet towel in his hand, which he used to slowly clean his chest, belly, legs and between his butt cheeks.

The young man blushed a little, surprised by his actions, but said nothing, just watched as the Tony threw the towel to the floor and lay next to him, propping his head on a hand to look down at him.

“Do you want me to go?” He asked quietly, after a few seconds, not wanting to be an inconvenience, but Tony frowned.

“Why, do you want to go?” He asked and Peter bit his lower lip, looking into the warm, brown eyes, trying to figure out the answer the engineer wanted to hear. He shook his head no and Tony smiled softly, lifting a hand to stroke his cheek. Peter all but purred. “Then stay, kitten. I make great pancakes.”

“You don’t say.” He raised his eyebrows in honest surprise, because he didn’t think a billionaire genius would worry about mastering such a mundane task as making pancakes.

“I do say. You’ll see tomorrow morning,” he answered quietly, like a secret, as his hand traveled from Peter’s face to his hipbone, where his fingers made small circles that tickled his skin lightly. He let his head rest on the pillow next to Peter’s, their faces so close he could feel Tony’s breath on his lips.

“I saw you the other day.” Peter whispered, because it felt intimate, like they were keeping secrets from the world. Tony lifted an eyebrow in curiosity. “Well, Iron Man, I guess. Flying over Central Park.”

“Oh, yeah. I went to a meeting in the UN Security Council, but then I had to come back here in a hurry, or Pepper would kill me.” Tony had a contagious, cheeky smile, but Peter couldn’t help but notice a little sadness hiding in his eyes when he talked about his ex-wife. He wondered if Tony could see the same sadness earlier, when they were talking about Beck.

“Hmm. Trying to decide if that meeting was incredibly boring or incredibly cool.”

“Weirdly, it was both.” They laughed quietly and Tony slid closer, until their chests were almost touching. “Is this ok?” He asked and the younger man just nodded, before he arranged himself to rest his face on Tony’s chest, legs entwining in the process until they were both comfortable. They fit well together, Peter couldn’t help but think in secret.

He knew it was stupid to hope for anything other than what they’d just done, he knew it was pointless to want more, he did, he truly did. But when he closed his eyes, he imagined things were different. He imagined he had a different past and Tony had a different life, and things were simpler and easier.

He drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face, lulled by the gentle rise and fall of Tony’s chest.

-x-

Tag list (please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the list): @sadachmesarthim @iamnotparticularlyproud @staticwhispersinthedark @bluestarker

#starker #tony stark x peter parker

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i-did · 4 years ago

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hi mlm here. so i want to write andreil smut but im a virgin so i have no idea what exactly sex is like. but i do not want to write it for the.... straight women gaze. what are some things that are accurate to write about. this is prolly super nsfw but i dont know who to ask.

Okay so this response took me literally months, and I'm sorry about that. I honestly was so excited when I got this question. I don't know why I put off responding?? But here I go:

CW for discussion of NSFW, STD’s, and a lil homophobia

I bet a lot of people who write smut are virgins tbh, that's not to insult anyone or anything, but like writing is a non physical way to explore sex and fantasies by yourself, so you’re definitely not alone lol.

So you're MLM and want to write smut, (and others who want to get my opinions on writing non-fetishistic smut).

Porn is porn and can have unrealistic circumstances to fulfill said fantasy, such as anything from people messing around in locker rooms to tentacles.

To get a general sense of what is common in MLM sexuality, (rather than the typical feminine gaze that is seen in smut) looking at gay porn and gay porn categories is good insight.

Bear culture, muscle culture, leather culture, etc.

These are obviously still porn and unrealistic, however being attracted to sweat, jockstraps, and muscles is very common outside of porn.

Bear culture is a body-positive movement that started because of the gay community's fat-phobia, age-phobia, and overall shittyness about body hair.

Leather culture is also really big, it started because of the belief that gay men couldn’t be dominant or “masculine”, even in bed. So in America, leather culture was a way a lot of MLM embraced themselves.

Going to pride, you will see many men wearing those leather harnesses, it doesn't indicate a preference of topping or bottoming necessarily, they're just something mlm wear and has grown quite popular in the culture, I've known some men to say it feels like a security blanket for them.

And I think it’s very important to understand these cultures or at least be aware of them on a base level if you’re going to write gay porn.

Also looking at erotic MLM art made by men, there is Tom of Finland, who was very historically significant, and is the most famous erotic gay artist. There is gay literature, one that openly talks about sex quite frankly is the book “We Both Laughed In Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan” which is a series of diary excerpts from a real gay trans man where you follow his life up until he died during the aids epidemic. He talks about sex with partners and discovering himself as well as what being a gay man means to him. He has a real love for sex in a way that is very unashamed and interesting to read about. We know that he wrote the latter half of his diaries with the plan of compiling them and publishing them but he passed away and people in his life carried out this wish for him. He is considered a significant part of gay and transgender history because of this, and his diaries are in LGBT museums.

Reading gay poetry, looking at gay art, erotic, romantic, grungy, whatever, and you will find and see how they portray things differently than when it’s not portrayed by gay men usually. I mean there is a clear difference between yaoi and bara and that's the audience and authors. Some yaoi are made by MLM, (well technically their called gei comi, or gay comics in Japanese)

“Also known as ‘gei comi’ or ‘men's love,’ bara comics are by men, for men. There is a yaoi equivalent to this, and it is called ‘gachi muchi’-- it is written by women, for women.” – myanimelist.net (lol)

but more than 90% aren't. I haven't ever heard of a non-MLM bara artist, but I'm sure there's at least one.

Of course, I've seen things depicting MLM just together pretty realistically that didn't feel like it was written by someone who definitely wasn't MLM, but these scenes tend to be more writing in the general sense of art in the general sense rather than porn, which has a huge gap in characteristics between stuff usually written by MLM vs when it's written by women. (sorry about the binary language here)

I know some people don't like any realism in their porn, but I personally really like small details such as prep being mentioned, foreplay, even acknowledgment of the existence of condoms even if they choose to go without.

Especially as an MLM who lives in America currently, the ever-present acknowledgment and stigmatism of AIDS is around us. We think about it, even when we don't want to. An entire generation of MLM, trans people, and a lot of POC were wiped out. Not necessarily a PWP detail, but including discussion of prep, PrEP (the anti HIV medication) and/or getting tested, even for diseases besides HIV, is a small detail that I think is nice. MLM often have to have a moment when opening up a conversation about sex where HIV is mentioned, our dating apps and hook up apps have sections where you put positive, negative, non-transmissible/undetectable, or prefer not to say. The books take place in 2006 so PrEP didn't exist yet, but also the aids pandemic was happening when they were being born and as young kids, so it wasn't that long ago in society's mind. It's still illegal for many trans people and MLM to donate blood despite that the blood is screened for diseases after donation.

Also, some realism I like is when a character isn't getting their ass ate first in the morning. Like, for me that's a huge turn-off because I think “holy fuck hygiene.” specifically with anal play I just really think even casually mentioning “washing up” or basic prep, or if you want more accuracy/details mention time between last meals or “x only ate a salad, so he would be fine”. It's like a joke in the gay community to eat chili fries or some shit on a date to indicate that either there will be no anal, or if there is you’re not going to be the one to do it, because you just fuckin ate those fries to say so.

A cock just going in without prep and no condom is going to A) hurt very bad the body does not do that naturally and can cause injury B) get shit dick.

An also not sexy detail that is common for sex is just laying down a towel so you don’t have to wash sheets. Lube on hands? Wipe off on the towel that you’re on rn. Laying down a towel is pretty normal especially for anal. But this is if you’re going for a much more playing for accuracy sex scene.

Honestly just writing fingering and prep and stuff like that in my opinion goes a long way and also gives the audience more to read.

Also, sex is way more than peen in hole. Get creative, frottage, mutual masturbation, docking? Idk like thigh fucking, fucking buttcheeks but not hole, handies, blowies, anal oral, Neil doesn’t have to be the only one who gets his ass ate and things don’t have to follow formulas, in fact, they’re better when they don’t.

Sex comes in many forms, and like I’ve definitely been with someone and he took off his shirt and I was like what, because he was skinny and clean-shaven and I didn’t expect him to have nearly as much chest hair as he did. I bet honestly Neil has a massive bush, like fuckin, massive.

Andrew and Neil don’t have to like everything the same amount, Neil could be like “I wanna lick your armpit” and gets really off on it, Andrew is neutral but likes that Neil likes it and agrees even if it does nothing for him physically. Honestly, Neil having a sweat kink imo is pretty fitting lol.

Try not to categorize the characters into “the bottom” and “the top”, or “the man” and “the woman”

This is something I see a lot and pay attention to how “the bottom” tends to adopt traits that are seen in straight porn that are over-exaggerated. I’m not saying it's inherently wrong to write someone as slim, but we know Neil isn't delicate, but I personally wouldn't categorize him as slim. He's a college-level athlete and is definitely muscular and defined, he has some bulk at least, he isn’t model lean for sure imo. You also often see PWP where the bottom makes a bunch of noise and the top makes none, or the top grunts and the bottom mewls, these are things I personally feel gives the bottom the role of a woman in porn. I don’t think Andreil have rough sex necessarily, but I do think when Neil does make noise, it would be because it was practically punched out of him by the feeling, and would sound more like a gasp than a kitten or whatever. There's nothing wrong with writing them both grunting, both of their voices being lower. Someone bottoming doesn’t suddenly magically not have secondary sex characteristics and stubble and body hair or a deep voice or however, they’re like everywhere else.

When I read an over-emphasis on Neil’s slim waist and swaying hips and ass I’m like,,, okay someone please mention Andrew looking at Neil’s dick or bulge or shoulders. As an MLM, what do you find hot about men? I like stomachs and arms and shoulders, jawlines, collarbones, asses yes but like in a different way than how I like women’s asses (I’m bi lol) they are smaller and I like them muscled and squared almost. I look at veins on hands and noses and shoulders and backs, I look at a lot and I honestly don't have a type. But yeah so think about what you like, why you like it, what you might want. Or look at what others like, and why and how they want and like it.

what would Neil like, how would he feel about it? And Andrew. I kinda feel like Andrew is low-key masc 4 masc but that's just me lmaoo. Anyways, good luck writing.

#aftg #ask #fandom psychology #fandom culture #osha violation #mailob

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