#you wouldn't want to kill david Attenborough??

[thekittyburger]

I'm seeing a lot of negativity on here that I thought was usually reserved for twitter so I just want to say,

Just because you're a man, it doesn't mean you're a monster. This goes for all cis men, trans men, other queer men, men of colour, religious or not, old or young etc.

You're still valued <3

[basingstokemercury]

Finally actually watched the Chocolate Factory film (original). I read the book years back and remember very little of the Depp film I watched when... elevenish maybe?

I had low hopes going in, at least it cleared the musical's "actually killing them on stage" bar?

First off, this feels like some kind of twisted horror world where everyone is obsessed with chocolate. Kids' film, yes, but I had absolutely no investment in the stakes. And I love good sweets as much as anyone.

Related: I don't like the... fetishisation? is that right? of poverty. Charlie comes from a comically exaggerated background, but it's just a backdrop to make the contest more important to him or something. Again, he's a kid, but how is chocolate the most important thing to him? A lifetime supply of it would be a pleasant way to keep spirits up, but wouldn't solve any long-term problem.

Hey, people with chronic illnesses! Turns out all you need is the right impetus to get up and be just fine, right?

And here we see some very sweet little kids who... Well, only one of them really has any kind of vice. One likes eating and has the audacity to also be a little fat, another, well, WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH CHEWING GUM AND BEING A BIT COMPETITIVE SHE IS A NORMAL CHILD, the third could use to have his television habits supervised but as an older sister it's normal for young kids not to understand that violence on television doesn't mean it's fun in real life, and the fourth throws very polite tantrums when she wants something because SHE IS A CHILD.

Gene Wilder's charisma is disarming here, but I must remember that this is a tenor and therefore capable of anything (opera joke, for my non-opera followers). He still smiles placidly and quotes as children are hurt, so I have no sympathy even if his acting was the best part.

"You can eat anything in this room! Wait, not that, I never told you and will do nothing when you are hurt because of it!"

Bodyshaming! How fun! Making fun of a young, adorable kid's looks!

Literal tunnel of horrors with flashes of insects crawling on people and dead animals. Seriously, what the fairfax? This is a kids' film!

"No! Don't eat that! I will not explain why until you are actually harmed and it's too late!"

These are kids. Kids don't always follow rules, especially when they don't understand why the rules are there.

This is where I started really, really hating the Oompa Loompa songs. They're incredibly annoying somehow.

Veruca might be throwing a tantrum, but she is very cute and a good singer. At least the song has the decency to put the blame on her upbringing, but then why should she be hurt? Someone could have stopped her at any time before she endangered herself.

My dad noticed there were only four suits at the entrance to the very creepy TV room. Which seems to mean the accidents were planned.

And here we have an absolutely egregious case. Mike does not activate the device himself, he stands on the pedestal and the operator knowingly presses the button! THIS WAS NOT HIS FAULT THEY INTENTIONALLY HARMED HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That last song personally offends me. "Television makes you stupid"??? I grew up on nature and science documentaries. I was quoting David Attenborough to my parents as a toddler. I'm sure educational TV existed back then in some form, at least?

Joe's indignation at being told off for breaking the rules is just ridiculous. You did it knowingly! You've seen how harsh this man is! Yes, Charlie only strayed at your instigation, but he could have refused, couldn't he?

And we fly into space inside a Dalek. The end.

Oh yeah, the songs? This barely counts as a musical.

Opening number was okay, if rather meaningless lyrically.

I remember nothing of the mother's lullaby thing, literally zoned out while she was singing it.

Golden ticket song a bit more fun but lyrics could still use work.

Pure Imagination, the only one I knew going in, was a bit disappointing in this rendition. Wilder's lovely voice is not at fault, the arrangement didn't grab me.

I've stated my opinion on the "making normal kids out to be monstrous" songs already.

And the one child who gets a song to herself? Okay, that I liked. It was fun.

[herunswithscissors]

David Attenborough adventures around in his old age playing with a lemur and turns to the camera and be like

Behold this beautiful yet terrifying Cosmos and the plucky bands of happy bountiful plants and critters that play together there.

I think that's what we all really love about him. If you can learn anything from David, learn to see the world that way. It's what he would have wanted.

He's not dead or anything.

Good God! No! He's fucking rich and happy living his best life ever.

He's just never going to read this and go "This!"

It's just you me and the 10 other people in this Tumbler backwater echo chamber Tumbler stashed me into who have even glanced at "Behold this terrifying dessert and the happy bountiful plants and critters that play together there." Let alone read anything more.

Well, my fellow weirdos, we have no gods or kings, and saviors are looking thin, but we got a few prophets. David is one of them.

Watch David's Nova episodes. They're his masterpieces. Marrying his love and unchecked wonder with FUCKING NOVA! It's like David met Goliath and they raised a child together after deciding not to fight after all.

Anyway I'm high and I'm starting to ramble.

See the world more like David doesn't mean "believe in everything he says and does"

I'm sure he's got some questionable views and has abused his place a bit with the ladies or whatever. But have you seen his peers? He's about 95% perfect other than all his cultural baggage that he's been so desperately trying to overcome all these years and was so excited to help his other Whites finally get with the program too! Look how much he's grown and helped us all to grow up even more!

He's more of a saint than a prophet then. Well, watch the Nova Works of Saint David Attenborough to learn how to see the world with more wonder and, I'm just wildly guessing because I know absofuckinglutely nothing of his personality life and his views on anything. And let me tell you. I want to keep it that way. If someone needs justice get them justice. If something heinous in his past comes up I want to know all about it. But I think he's just a decent White British guy with a bit too much money power and privilege even for his saintly good. He seems to have handled it about as well as Saint Fred Rogers. I don't want to learn nothing more about Fred's problematic shit. I'm sure it's nothing any of us wouldn't had done in his shoes. Given all he was. And sometimes a guy just fuckers it all up on a whole fucking lot. So fucking what. We basically know what he's like.

I have to admit to somebody and my therapist will laugh at me to much. But if Mister Rogers ever turned out to be a kiddie diddler or some shit I might kill myself. At the very least I'll have a lengthy existential crisis. I might have a major breakdown.

I gotta let that man be a Saint, but Jesus just shined out of that man so brightly and he loved me so much when I was at a very vulnerable age. His love was like another family member watching over me for an hour every single morning.

Every single morning Mister Rogers loved me and talked to me and played games with me and took me on adventures with him and introduced me to his friends and co-workers and all the cool people we meet along the way. And he helps me see the world around me a bit more for a moment and I always appreciated that. Those were often my favorite parts. Whenever we watched Mister Rogers in church daycare or something, because we'd all just sit down and watch for a whole hour it felt anyway. The only time kids minds world wander was during the educational segments. Those were the commercials and the kids could get up to stretch a bit or just go play and work off some energy while the handlers were paying attention.

I loved the educational segments. I kinda talk like them sometimes at the zoo with the kids. It's creepy.

Which is probably why I gravitate towards a decent guy like David. But this is all just a sideshow.

The main point is Behold this beautiful yet terrifying Cosmos and the plucky bands of happy bountiful plants and critters that play together there!

[wannabe-amateur-writer]

Feral: Lucifer X Reader (headcannon)

So, I was watching a nature documentary (voiced by none other than Sir Sir David Attenborough (how can you even get knighted twice? They should knight him again for funsies)) and part of it involved feral dogs.

Now I got to thinking:

Watching a nature documentary with Lucifer would be like:

• He's reading in the common rooms (why am I envisioning a newspaper that's covering his face?)

• You're sat on the same sofa but between you both is a stack of pillows (like two) and your head is on them as you've curled yourself up in a fetal position much to Lucifer's chagrin as your feet, clad in fluffy socks, are on the sofa too. The socks are clean though so he lets it slide only THIS ONE TIME THOUGH!!

He does think they're a hazard though since the floors are marble and you walk (maybe even run) like you aren't a fragile human (which in your eyes you're not).

• Anyways you're boredly scrolling through channels but aren't actually leaving them on long enough to get a feel for the show and after like 20 different voices, sounds, etc, that Luci's heard in the space of a minute he eventually lowers his reading material down.

"Mc, what're you doing?"

"Looking for something to watch."

"You can't have possibly deciphered all those channels were boring for the meagre second you left them on for."

"Yeah, well, we wouldn't be in this predicament had you decided to put something on, but no, you wanna read."

(Was that a bit of attitude, Mc???)

• Yours and Lucifer's eyes are on the telly, until he plucks the remote from your hands and switches the channel from an amateur talent show to a nature documentary about monkeys.

• He leaves the remote by him rather than handing it back to you before pulling his reading material back up to his face.

"Wha- are you trying to kill me??"

You raise your head up slightly to look over at him.

"Just watch the documentary."

"It's boring."

"It just started."

• You're half watching, half on your phone, that is until you hear about the monkeys getting chased by feral dogs. Sir Sir (can't get over that) Attenborough is talking about how the dogs try to separate the adult monkeys from their newborn chimps and how the pack leader is ensuring no one gets left behind as they're running towards the safety tree.

• You see Lucifer's reading material drop to his lap, his gaze stuck onto the TV as he watches the dogs try chase down the poor monkeys.

"Why don't you adopt them? You have a thing for taking in feral creatures."

• His raises a brow in your direction for a second before returning back to the dogs.

"You're not that feral, Mc. Sometimes you're quite tame."

• It takes a few seconds to process his words before your head snaps up to witness the small smirk on his face.

"Oh, fuck you!"

"Mind your language, Mc. One could see that as poor socialisation."

(Just in case that makes no sense to some, poor socialisation can in rare cases lead to feral humans due to not having anyone to socialise you in a human manner.)

• You don't think twice before grabbing a cushion and hitting his head with it.

• Instincts immediately kick in and you're zooming outta there.

"MCCC!!!"

• Watch you slip and slide and almost die as you try run on marble in fcking fluffy socks. But hey, yolo!

• You almost trip and have the biggest face plant but Lucifer catches you just in time.

Our hero and saviour, for the most part anyways...

"Take those death traps off unless you want to severely injure yourself."

Is how he chastises you whilst remaining a firm hold on (of?) your arms.

• Good luck escaping him, you're not leaving him until he trusts you won't do that again.

You will do something of the sort like that again, just not in the upcoming future.

• His brothers are nowhere to be found so it seems you will not have anyone to save you as he pulls you back towards the common room.

Is he going to take you to his room after switching the TV off? Possibly. Unless he decides to mercilessly bombard you with cushions. Either way you're done for.

[utterlyafk]

Love how vegans are the ones forcing their beliefs when I have to share a planet with people who have destroyed biodiversity to the point where only 4% of biomass is wildlife. Or to look at it the other way, 96% of biomass on this planet is either us, or the animals we farm. Don't take my word for it, David Attenborough said it.

How much land does that require? Well it takes up 80% of our farmland. So you'd think that feeds a lot of people wouldn't you? In fact it provides 20% of our calories.

https://ourworldindata.org/agricultural-land-by-global-diets

Water. We all know it takes in excess of 1200 gallons of water to produce a flesh burger. But have you ever stopped to consider the crops we grew to feed that cow? We pumped crops into that animal so we could then eat the animal. Why didn't we just eat the crops? It would've taken less water and we've already seen how uneconomical it is on space v calories to eat animals. It's also cheaper. Do you know which countries eat the least animal flesh? Bangladesh, India and several African countries. Places where people don't have a huge amount of money.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.worldatlas.com/amp/articles/countries-who-consume-the-least-meat.html

Veganism is expensive. Apparently. Aside from the fact that its not. If you want to dine on impossible burgers every night sure, you'll go bankrupt. Or you can spend £4 and have a cauldron of warming aromatic curry that'll keep you eating for days. I have ridiculously tasty recipes. Hit me up.

[no source for this one- does a recipe count? I'll put one at the bottom]

Do you pretend to care about the planet? Most people do. If your mouth is full of meat, congratulations, you're a raging hypocrite! Animal agriculture has been estimated to be responsible for anywhere between 18% to a massive 51% of all emissions. I live on this planet too. You're forcing your shit on me.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6518108/

The university of Oxford. A prestigious, deeply respected, independent university conducted a study and concluded the best thing you can do for the planet as an individual is to go vegan. What more do you want from me?

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/veganism-environmental-impact-planet-reduced-plant-based-diet-humans-study-a8378631.html%3famp

If you include sea creatures, we kill 150 billion animals a year. That's more than the number of humans thatve ever existed. That's gross.

Every one of those is a life as real as yours, but "hurr, bacon" am I right?

Are plastics used to simulate leather bad? Yes, it's terrible, less plastic please, buy cactus leather, that's not destroying the planet or senselessly killing sentient beings. Just waiting for some smart arse to come along and tell me no one is 100% vegan. Is it possible to live in a way that doesn't harm any living thing? No. Our phones and cars have animal originated components. Does that absolve us of the responsibility we have to not totally fuck up our planet? Also no. It's just a convenient excuse for people to continue wasting my water, using my land, destroying my biodiversity and ruining my climate.

I'm not even an environmental vegan. I'm an ethical vegan. I just have this crazy notion that we shouldn't kill stuff we don't have to? I caught compassion from somewhere, or common sense, I dunno. But I also understand science. Apparently most of you understand neither science nor compassion and want to force your bad choices on me while telling me I'm the unreasonable one?

You don't deserve it but have a recipe:

[20kuhaku02-blog]

Pet shop au

It's a bit hard making Jungkook laugh when it takes time to write a response and by then the mood is over. Thats why Yoongi treasures Jungkooks laughs.

"Yoongi did you realize that tuna are 6 feet?" Jungkook exclaims his eyes bulging, "I thought they were like the size of my forearm or something! But no they are bigger than me!" Jungkook basically shouts, he has been learning to sign but so far he can barely understand and sign the basic stuff; how are you?, Hi, love you, your idiot, and I love your butt... the basics.

I make you watch blue planet and now you can't shut up about it.

"Yeah... but isn't nature beautiful- like nature is it's own epic movie and david attenborough said that we are ruining it. Why are people so horrible" Jungkook forlorns.

I don't think you need david attenborough to tell you humans are killing our environment.

"Yeah but david attenborough is a freaking story teller you feel me?" Jungkook sighs hee looks close to fake crying at this point.

Hey david wouldn't want you to cry

"David?" Jungkook questions a smile on his face.

Yeah boi- david is my man

Jungkook laughs.

"That 91 year old guy is 'your man'?" Jungkook laughs some more and Yoongi is so soft looking at his boyfriend cackle- his buck teeth showing and his eyes disapearing.

Yeah... yoongi really likes Jungkooks laugh.