#you won't have these problems anymore!
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ce-nedra · 2 years ago
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mihrunnisasultans · 1 year ago
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I am not going to defend myself, Your Majesty. Whatever I say, your decision will not change anyway. I could calm you by denying it, but I don't intend to do it. Throw me into the fire like you did with your family and other people you loved. [...] So this is [absolute loyalty] why you killed them all? Hatice, Ibrahim, Mustafa, Çihangir...I remember how our father Selim Han died. He didn't die easily. God did not let him leave this world without suffering first. The same fate awaits you!
Fatma + roasting Suleiman to his face (and to others)
Happy (belated) Birthday Plami! @mc-critical
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coockie8 · 5 days ago
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If the only argument you have against something is that you, personally, find that thing to be "weird and gross", then genuinely shut the fuck up and move on with your life. Get some hobbies. Go look at some puppies at a pet store or something. Experience joy for the first time in your miserable existence.
No one cares to hear what gives you, a random stranger on the internet, the ick, let alone the people who enjoy the thing you're bitching about.
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eikichi-supremacy · 1 month ago
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sick because curly was like "I know Jimmy" but Anya was the only one that really knew Jimmy. I knew you wouldn't let me have the gun so I wanted to at least keep him from getting it. Because she knew she wouldn't do something drastic over losing her job like curly thought. Jimmy would. The way she asked why Curly would do something like this. Praising Jimmy so he'll do the bare minimum. Deciding to end herself before eventually Jimmy killed them all in some way or another. It's like Curly got to see the parts of Jimmy that were palatable and maybe even endearing in some way. But Anya got something that made her ask questions like why aren't there locks on the sleeping quarters and how many days do we have left. Curly got some sort of companionship and Anya got what was real.
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timelessbian · 3 months ago
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was not expecting to walk out of my rheumatology appt with anything helpful today but i guess i have an arthritis diagnosis now!!
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sangcreole · 4 months ago
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damn. this is genuinely the only space on the internet where I feel completely at peace.
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pa-pa-plasma · 6 months ago
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Wait what do you mean healthy people dont loaf??? It's so comfy why wouldn't they do that?
I'm saying this as someone with hypermobility which is, I'm sure, completely unrelated to why I think this./s
people are so weird, what do you mean "i wish humans could loaf"? this is so easy! heehee
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ratinthevoid · 10 months ago
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why did i believe i can ever come out to her
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ame-to-ame · 1 day ago
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#i think it's a little fucked up but a little funny that my mental state is currently at such a bad point where it's like.#any stress sends me into emotionally constipated panic. where it doesn't really show through for the most part. for the most part i seem ok.#and then if you crack me just even a little bit it's like that one modern art piece can't help myself#where im trying my best to juggle and maintain the facade of being fine but you can tell im tired and one deviation away from crumbling down#but can i cry? haha no. instead i just panic. everything sends me into silent panic. and i just think about really dramatic responses.#i hold my breath and worry that if i do anything wrong everything I've worked so so hard for will just come toppling down#because it has before. something you've poured your heart into. something you've cared so much about. can just be. so. out of your control#and you lose your voice and you lose your agency and you lose your will to fight and you lose a little bit of yourself#I don't know if i will ever get it back. it's been a while. I don't know if i can ever regain my confidence back. i miss who i was sometimes#i used to be warm. i used to be sure of myself. i used to carry hope around like a small star. i miss her. the person i was.#someone who could light up a room without trying so hard. someone who could make others smile without giving it too much thought.#someone who could make others feel good about being there and being alive. i barely feel good about myself these days sometimes. somehow.#I don't know how to be that girl anymore. everything feels a little forced. it shouldn't have to feel this hard. it used to feel natural.#i have moments where i feel like myself again. happy. confident. and then im brought back to reality almost immediately.#i feel guilty for feeling good. i feel guilty for being confident. and then i go hating myself again. it does weigh on me. what she said.#im sorry that i used to like myself. im sorry it made you feel bad about yourself. see. i hate myself now. do you forgive me now? hehe#I'll get over it one day. I'll get over it soon. i hate feeling like this. the overwhelming ego death. it makes me feel really shitty.#i hate this hehe i want to run away so badly but i know running away never solves anything you come back and the problem is still there#so i will go through it and i will fail and i will fall and i will stumble and hurt myself and feel humiliated and terrible throughout#but it will be fine. but I'll get through it and realize it wasn't that bad. I'll get through it and try again and again until i get there.#i need to stop seeking validation from people who won't give it. stop seeking comfort from people who won't give it.#stop hanging with people who make me feel worse. and stuff like that. it's like quitting an addiction hhhh i don't get it#i have friends who treat me really well. i have friends who i love and love me a lot.#i just can't quit certain people. part of it is bc im scared of change and part of it is bc i don't want to be more reliant on others#especially the people i do really care about and love and who love me bc. i think. if i have one more abandonment. i will actually. mm.#i think i would fully lose my ability to love new people haha like. romantically and platonically. haha.#but anyway that's the trauma speaking i will overcome it I won't let it control how i live haha#i will be ok i will be ok spring will be here eventually it's just the seasonal stuff#tw health#delete later
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Sweater weather time
Rei acknowledges he might have a problem roughly 4 months (or 12.5 sweater exchanges) too late.
Really, the problem has existed for quite a while already - a secret agent is not supposed to be predictable, and they've been meeting pretty regularly, every two weeks at first, and lately every single one, like clockwork. It's a risk he should not be taking, for the sake of his own cover, Hiro's, and if he's being entirely honest, Akai's. He tries not to think too hard about how Okiya Subaru could probably exist peacefully, without his interference, but then again, it's all Akai's fault anyways. He's had three years to contact Rei about Scotch's survival, to only do so now when it was about to bite him in the ass, well, he deserves whatever the consequences of his actions might be. After their little stint at the Kudo manor, Rei's really done his best to destroy the evidence of his investigation, to let it be known as a failure, and thus, officially, Akai Shuuichi's death has been laid to rest. It is simply practical to keep an ally's cover safe so they may strike unexpectedly, at an opportune moment (and if Rei feels any regret about his actions or gratitute for how Akai has quickly become a reliable presence in his life, well, those pale in comparison to his duty).
That opportunity might come sooner than later, as the plan to take down the organisation is entering its critical phase. They both need to be at their best for this showdown, and he really, really can't afford to be distracted by Akai. He also can't afford to raise attention, and he knows at least Vermouth has her suspicions. She likes to dress him up too much, whisper in his ear, get too close too close too close; while Akai's cologne at least disperses quickly, the smell of his cigarettes lingers on the sweaters, and by extension, on Rei. It seems, of all things, to work as a shield - Vermouth wrinkles her nose when she first smells it on him, asking if he is, perhaps, stressed, for any reason at all? He's lying through his teeth, claiming smoking helps him concentrate, as Rum's requests are getting more challenging - but not to worry, it's nothing he can't handle. She's keeping more distance than usual afterwards, and he honestly can't help but be a little glad for that. Still, just to be sure, he's nabbing the pack of cigarettes from Akai's breast pocket when they met up after, requistioned to have them on hand as evidence if need be. (He's allowing Akai one last cigarette from the pack, which they share, 50/50, to get Rei reaccustomed to the sensation.)
Which is how he finds himself, weeks later, standing in front of his open window, smoking one of Akai's cigarettes. The glow of its tip pales in comparison to the lights of his beloved Tokyo all around him, but it's filling him with a little warmth at least. It's not the same as the lingering smell he's grown accustomed to; it's too intense, too lacking in complexity (too much like when Scotch and Rye were sharing cigarettes on their missions together). But at least the nicotine calms him somewhat. He's been restless, these last couple of days; Akai's somewhere in the US, procuring equipment and briefing people for the coordinated offensive. So much for his reliability. Usually, Rei would contact him, and they'd find a way to meet within the next couple of days - he has the sneaking suspicion Akai has been getting better at gauging the intervalls for their meetings, and is keeping some timeslots open for him. Or maybe he just really has that little to do. Who's to say.
In any case, it's way past their usual meeting time, and he hasn't been able to get in touch. He could go through official channels, seeing as the FBI and the PSB are cooperating now, but it really isn't that important. He can wait. The final briefing is scheduled three days before the sting; if he can deal with his problem by then, they'll be able to give their all for the finale of this mission four years in the making. He can't wait for that to be over.
But, to get closure, he'll need to settle the score. That 0.5 in their sweater exchange rate, the first sweater he took, is the issue, keeping them both locked up in an eternal inbalance, because technically Rei owes Akai that sweater back. There's only one problem - he's tried to get over himself, to undo the original sin. It shouldn't be hard, it's only a piece of clothing, after all. He's washed it and put it in a bag with a little ribbon, a month after the initial borrowing, and he's tried to give it back. And found himself unwilling, no, unable to. This sweater he holds onto in the nights where nightmares threaten to devour him whole. This sweater has kept him warm through shock, has caught his anger and relief at the revelation of his best friend's survival, and it's such an inextricable part of the experience it has become tangible proof of a brighter future for Rei. He can't give it up, needs it like breathing.
It's invaluable. There's nothing he could give Akai that's even anywhere close.
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Sweater weather AU masterpost
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starpros-sunshine · 11 months ago
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Sometimes I wonder why cold symptoms always get worse in the evenings there has to be a logical explanation for that
#i need to know#i might have only choosen the biology major because I had no other choice but i do genujnely think the human body is a fascinating object#we should not exist there is no reason we should exist but here we are and here we are exactly the way we are isn't that funny?#it's such a silly body too what you're telling me I could produce an entirely new person in here#but one falsely mutated cell that brances out and has a personal problem with me specifically can kill me in a year or less?#that doesn't seem right.#if you think about it children are a little bit like cancer actually#i won't be opening that can of worms actually lets keeo that locked away in zhe cupboard#oh yeah and you can inherit the murder cell mutation because of course you can#and then we came up with thousands of ways to cure thousands of ailments and what did we do we put them behind a paywall#come onnnnnn where's the fun in that#we have this cool stuff why do you not let us use the cool stuff#i don't do meds on principle if I have anything I jusz sit that out raw and painful but hey it's not my place to tell others to do it my way#i just don't like the thought of building up a resistance against stuff so I just take my ibuprofen if there really is no way to function#without them anymore#luckily that's not the case a lot of times#i can work fine with the headaches they're just annoying#make the head foggy and words take a second to comprehend and the light hurts but i can work with it#have you ever had two kinds of headache atbthe same time thazs an experience#dealing with a tensuoj headache and then also the clogged nose headache is. it sure is something#you don't know where exactly it hurts and it's not so bad that you have to lie down but then you hold your head the wrong way#and Boom a bomb goes off up there#fascinating stuff#how did I even get here
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anyataylorjoys · 6 months ago
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when you make a gifset days ago and it sits in your drafts and then you finally decide to post it and it doesn't show up on the dashboard
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samanthamulder · 1 year ago
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melancholic-pigeon · 7 months ago
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No, I'm not okay. Thanks for not asking.
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zackmartin · 10 months ago
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Z THE CONCEPT OF YOU REBOOTING VALIANT KNIGHT LITERALLY HAS ME FROTHING AT THE MOUTH. it literally never left my head i am always thinking about it at least a little bit. literally recently i came up with a concept for how some of my original characters for my spinoff would fit into valiant knight fnsnskdj and so i technically have like a rewrite/sequel concept that includes zenry and jasper/[redacted] fnsmdnkxnsn which included me rereading the chapters i beta'd for you to remember some details and i was like UGH THIS WAS SO GOOD I MISS IT
LASKDJOSKJVMODKMVLDSKJFSOKJFSLDKFJ HELLO?????????? ARE YOU AWARE THAT I'D LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU???? CAUSE I SERIOUSLY WOULD LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU!!!!! BUT AHHHHHHHHHHH
SERIOUSLY THOUGH, THIS IS ONE OF THE HIGHEST COMPLIMENTS I'VE EVER RECEIVED, I'M LEGIT GONNA CRY (affectionate), I'VE BEEN STARING AT THIS ASK FOR LIKE SIX HOURS, LIKE THERE AREN'T ENOUGH WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TO ARTICULATE HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME
but seriously, like I'm not trying to rag on my writing or anything, but I also know like. I'm not writing anything that's gonna be winning awards anytime soon or anything ground-breaking or anything, but that's never been my goal; and I just say all of that to say that the fact that you're still thinking about something of mine years later and it stuck with you so much that you want to put your own characters into it??????? That's literally so wild to me in the best way, I can't get over it. I'm so serious when I say again that this legit one of the best compliments I've ever received. (Also, if you're willing, I'd very much like to hear about this rewrite/sequel of sorts)
You have me legit thinking about it now. Like I told Pearl in the replies, I feel like my writing is leagues better (i reread stuff from that time period and just cringe now; but to be fair to my past self, she was a novice who was coming back to writing after a 10+ year break so it stands to reason) so I feel like I could do a lot more with it. There's soooo much of that world I want to flesh out that I wasn't skilled enough to do when I first started it. lsakdjf idk man, I might actually do it
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medicinemane · 9 months ago
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And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"
I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse
And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa
And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house
I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished
...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)
And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff
There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government
No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)
Like have some accountability there and in every situation
Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free
If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off
I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)
But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced
Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around
I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)
...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change
(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)
(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)
#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem#shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide#what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne#...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain#and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make#but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves#not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here'#it's sick; it truly is#but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better#we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair#only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide#the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same#you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help#that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink#get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope#we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said#'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die'#I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up#I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure#and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty#my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows)#...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more...#and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet#it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last#...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind#I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die#and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income#given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now#mm tag so i can find things later
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