#you want a stew with cardboard meat huh???

[chialattea]

Every time people ask me to make stew for them this image pops into my mind

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The House Guest 10

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Bucky Barnes

Summary: an old acquaintance calls in a favour, leaving you with an unexpected house guest.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

You stare through the window as hammering echoes through the glass. Despite the muffling of the barrier between you, it’s loud enough to put you on edge. Or maybe that’s because of the man calmly bringing the iron down on the nails. 

As if he can sense you, he looks up, his dark hair flopping back. You quickly spin away. You have to be going stir crazy. Bucky was just concerned. A lot of people come up this way and get freaked out by the wilderness. You used to when you visited as a child. 

You go back to the kitchen and take out the ingredients for your grandma’s classic turkey stew. It’s always a comfort as the temperature starts to drop. Still, it’s never as good as she made it. One day, you might figure out the secret. 

Cooking is a good distraction. There isn’t much to do up here. Often, you enjoy that facet of your existence. You work then disconnect and just do your own thing. Now you can’t help but feel the desolation. 

Thunk, thunk, thunk. The hammering continues. You put the turkey into roast. It’s always better to season and cook it first then shred it up for the stew. You set the broth to simmer with the chunked veggies and pace the kitchen as you wait for it all to come together. 

You use a fork to pick the meat of the turkey legs and dump it all in the boiling pot. Another hour to meld together and it’ll be ready to serve. The longer you let it, the better. It’s always best the day after. 

The silence doesn’t hit you until you hear the back door. The smell of pine follows Bucky inside. You put your attention to the pot and stir it. 

He sniffs and sighs loudly as he enters. “Ah, smells delicious. Chicken?” 

“Turkey,” you correct him as he twists on the faucet and squirts soap into his hands. He lathers up and looks at you. “It’s funny. Back in my day, not to sound like a crotchety old geezer, women cooked. They had recipe cards on the counter. These days, half the girls I talk to can only use some app to order pizza that tastes like ketchup on cardboard.” 

“Oh, yeah? I kinda miss fast food,” you say dully. 

“Huh. ‘Cause I miss the home cooking. It’s just... simpler.” He shuts off the tap and shifts closer, drying his hand on the dishcloth as he looms. “If it hadn’t all gone to shit, I probably woulda found a good woman. Settled down, lived the good life.” 

“Right,” you nod awkwardly and set the spoon down.  

He clicks his tongue and turns, putting his hand on the counter as he leans on one foot. His other hand goes to his hip. “But then I wouldn’t be here.” 

“Fair,” you say, distancing yourself as you step around him to get to the fridge. “I got some cider left over? Want some? It’s mulled. Julian down by the Rocks makes it--” 

“Think I’m good,” he says. 

You put the large glass jug on the counter and open the cupboard. Bucky catches it and shoves it closed with a snap. You face him in surprise. He’s strong. You know that but feeling it is something else. 

“Sorry, I... I’m in your way?” You wonder. 

“No, you’re right where you should be,” he says. 

You try not to lean away from him. Your heart is racing. You swallow and peer over at the dimming window. 

“I could help you cover up the lumber before--” 

“Already did that,” he interjects. “You know, I think I’m where I need to be too,” he edges closer. “Think after everything, I did find that good woman.” 

You blink, speechless. You can barely think above the tempo behind your ears. 

“I hear it.” He puts his fist to his chest and knocks on it. “I know you feel it too.” He stills his hand and holds it over his heart. “I was pissed when Sam brought me up here. Dropped me off like some stray dog. The longer I’m here, the more I realise he did me a favour. He didn’t dump me on you...” you wince as he pulls his hand away from his chest and opens it to cradle your face, “he gave me you.” 

“Bucky,” you latch onto his wrist but can’t move it. “I think we need some space. Don’t you?” 

“No,” he says flatly. 

“You spend too much time in the same proximity, and it starts to get weird--” 

“No,” he repeats. “I’m right. It’s perfect. You’re strong, you cook, you’re handy, not afraid to get a little dirty,” he slides his hand down to cup your chin. You flinch but can’t pull away. “And you got a nice ass.” 

“Bucky,” you breath and gently shove his chest. “I’m saying to you that you’re wrong. I’m flattered and all but no.” You push harder as he squeezes tighter. You whimper, “ow, let me go. I’m calling Sam-” 

“Shh,” his other hand swoops up to back of your skull. He lurches you closer, bringing you to your nose as he snarls down at you. “You’re not calling anyone.” 

“Bucky--” 

“It’s the way you say my name,” he growls. 

“Please, you’re hurting me--” 

He hushes you again as his thumb rubs behind your jaw. He turns you so your penned in against the counter. You splay your fingers across his chest, dragging them down to his stomach as you push on him. He stands unmoving. 

“Let go--” 

“You. Let go,” he insists calmly. “You built this wall around you. Let it down,” he drops his hand from your head and lets it trail down your back, “let me in.” 

“No, I’m telling you.” You squirm against him. “Stop this, right now.” 

“I know you want me. I found that toy. The little flower, hm?” He tickles along your side, your jaw aching in his grip. “You wanna feel the real thing? Huh?” 

“Please,” you clasp the fabric of his shirt in your fingers. 

“Doll, I want you think about this,” he buries his thumb behind your jaw until you whine. “You’re up here all by yourself. Lonely days, lonelier nights. Anyone could catch on. They could figure out just as fast as I did.” He leans in until you’re nearly bent backwards. “You need a man because any old beast could snatch you up.” 

Your eyes glisten and you search his face. He doesn’t look human. He’s animalistic. His eyes are dark and dilated and his jaw is set with slathering hunger. Your lip trembles. 

"Wouldn't you rather have the beast on your side, doll? Instead of tearing it down?” He purrs and shifts his hand around your chin, bringing his thumb up to poke at your lower lip. “I can be good for you, all you gotta do, is the same.” 

[rachelbethhines]

PotP Ch 55 - Blizzards, Blackbirds, and Bargains: Part 1

Snow.

Varian hated snow.

It wasn't always such. In his youth, he had loved winter. Snow days were meant for play. He'd make hot cocoa, ice skate, pick frost berries, and build snow forts for snowball battles with the local kids. Once he invented a machine that helped carve ice sculptures... until it caught on fire and melted them all.

But that was before the amber.

Varian could tell that it was snowing before he ever even poked his head out from under the covers.

First, the cold morning air; unusually cold for San Fransokyo. Then there was the soft diffused light from the frosted window pane shining in his bedroom. There was also the quiet stillness; near unheard of in the big city. Finally there was the fiamiler fresh scent of ice. It lacked the undertones of fir and pine that he was used to, but he could still tell.

A look outside confirmed his worst fears.

Especially when Ruddiger came through the window and shook the white powdery stuff off his fur.

Varian groaned, kicked off the covers, and made his way to the kitchen.

----------------

"What are you hunting for?" Aunt Cass asked with a yawn.

"I guess we don't have any tripe, do we?" Varian asked in kind as he rummaged in the cupboards.

"Ummm... pretty sure we don't. Why do we need tripe?"

"It's snowing."  

Aunt Cass blinked, unsure of what the connection was. "Snowing?"

"I used to make tripe stew on snow days." Varian explained. "It's just easy and warms the castle up."

"Oh... well... we don't have any tripe, b-but we do have some bacon." She opened the fridge and started rummaging around. "Maybe we can improvise and make some bean and bacon soup instead? Start a new tradition, huh?"

She retrieved the bacon and smiled wide as she offered her suggestion to Varian.

Varian half-heartedly returned her smile and took the meat from her.

Aunt Cass frowned at his lack of enthusiasm.

She placed a hand on his shoulder, pausing him in his hunt for the beans. "Hey, I know sometimes you get homesick, and that's okay. Everything is different here, and it's a readjustment. But If you need anything you know you can talk to me."

Varian shook his head. "It's not that. "

Aunt Cass's brow furrowed in confusion, but rather than explain, Varian just said, "The bacon's a good idea. Tripe is too chewy anyway." and went back to digging around in the pantry.

----------------

Honey Lemon watched the pink puff balls on her boots bounce up and down as she gingerly stepped off the trolley. The railed carts were the only safe way to travel in this weather as most people in San Fansokyo didn’t own cars with snow tires, including Gogo, who stepped off of the trolley after her. They spotted Fred waving at them both from across the street as they walked over towards the Lucky Cat; very carefully, so as to not slip on any ice.

“Hey, glad you made it!” Tadashi greeted them, as he held a large snowball in his hand. He placed it on top of an even bigger snowball and he and Hiro both started patting extra snow along the seam where the two met.

“We’re building a snow sculpture of Baymax.” Fred explained as he joined them.

Just then Wasabi opened the door to the cafe. “I found the eyes!” He called out as he carried a small cardboard box. Baymax shuffled along behind him.

“What did you get?” Hiro asked him.

“Chocolate covered coffee beans!” He proclaimed as he pulled out a small container of the treats.

“Oooh, I want some!” Fred exclaimed and practically crawled over Wasabi to rummage in the box he held.

Honey Lemon laughed. “You better not eat all of Varian’s stash. He might be tearing the cafe apart looking for those later.” She gently warned.

“Where is Varian anyway?” Gogo asked.

Tadashi shrugged. “Upstairs. He’s been in the kitchen all morning with Aunt Cass.”

“I’ll go get him.” Honey Lemon offered and skipped inside.

Her glasses started fogging up as soon she entered the much warmer cafe. She paused to take them off and rubbed them clean on her matching pink sweater. This only got lint on them, so she wiped them on her jeans instead. Satisfied, she put them back on only to find Aunt Cass coming downstairs to greet her.

“Hi,” She sang out. “I’m glad you and Gogo made it here safe.”

“Hi Aunt Cass. Yeah, the roads weren’t too bad and the trolleys are still running. I thought I’d ask Varian to join us. Is he still upstairs?”

“He is, he’s in the kitchen, however...” Aunt Cass sighed as she poured herself a coffee. “I don’t know how much he’ll want to get out. He’s been pretty shut in all day. Buuuut, if anyone can encourage him to come outside, it’ll probably be you.”

She gave her a sweet smile before heading outside herself to check on the rest of the teens.

Honey Lemon watched her go with a frown. Varian must be in one of his moods again, and no one ever quite knew what to expect when Varian became gloomy. She also didn’t know what she could do that Aunt Cass probably hadn’t already tried.

Still, she took a deep breath and made her way up the stairs.

She found Varian in the upstairs kitchen just like everyone had said. He was sitting at the table reading a large leather bound tome, while a pot on the stove was boiling away. Honey Lemon recognized the book. It was the fantastical grimoire that held the secrets to the magical portal that would send him home. The thought of which filled her with dread, but best not to bring it up now.

“It smells good.” She said with a smile as she came up from behind him.

Varian looked up from the spellbook, startled by her voice, and turned to look at her. “Oh yeah, umm, Aunt Cass and I are making bean and bacon soup. Sorry, I didn’t know you were coming, or I would have made you a vegan option.”

“It’s okay, I can just pick around the bacon.” She shrugged as she lifted the lid off of the pot to look at the soup. “Beans sound like a good supper to me.”

“It’s chicken stock as the base.” Varian warned. “Here, I think we still have some dried beans. I’ll just make you a small pot of your own.”

“Oh, you don’t need to go to any trouble on my account.”

“What trouble?” He asked as he pulled out the bag of dried beans. “All you do is put it in a pot and let it boil for a while. Look to see if there’s any vegetable stock in the cabinet over there.”

Honey Lemon followed his suggestion and quickly found the container of stock next to the other broths. She poured some into another small pot, along with the beans, as Varian started raiding the spice cabinet.

“What do you want in it?” He asked. “Shallot, a bit of celery salt, oooh, how about some chili power for a little kick, huh?”

He gave her a Cheshire smile and waved the plastic shaker full of pepper at her.

She only shrugged in response. “Anything is good with me.”

Varian took this as permission to experiment and pulled out a whole bunch of spices. He happily went to work seasoning the small pot of what was quickly becoming vegan chili.

“What do you think we should have with our soup?” He asked. “Aunt Cass thinks we should just toast the leftover baguettes downstairs and make croutons, but I think we should make some fresh bread.”

“Why not both?” Honey Lemon awkwardly asked. She didn’t like being caught in the middle of any sort of disagreement, even a mild one like this.

“I like the way you think.” Varian agreed, and Honey Lemon felt relief wash over her. Varian didn’t seem to be in a bad mood at all. Perhaps what had bothered him earlier today had been forgotten, or maybe he had worked through it.

“Shall we go for a sourdough, or a dark rye... Oh hey, I’ve never made cornbread before. That’d be fun. Something new?” Varian gave her a wide smile and Honey Lemon returned it.

“I’m down for something new.” She agreed. However, as Varian started to gather up the ingredients she decided to press on with why she was here. “Speaking of fun. Everyone is outside building a snowman. You wanna join in?”

Varian paused in shifting the cornmeal and started to stare blankly at the opposite wall. Then he shook his head and went back to cooking.

“No, it’s alright. You go on ahead, and I’ll just keep fixing our dinner.”

“Well... dinner’s not for hours.” Honey Lemon nervously suggested. She could feel the change in Varian’s mood the way one would feel the temperature drop. “Why don’t you take a break and do this later?”

Varian paused in what he was doing and turned to face her with a cold frown.

“I.. don’t like snow,” He said carefully. “I would rather not.”

He then turned away from her and placed the mixing bowl on the stand mixture. “You can go on ahead though. Y'all have fun.”

He said this in a much lighter tone, but Honey Lemon couldn’t dismiss the sudden change in attitude. Especially not with the grimoire still lying there on the table.

“Is... is everything alright?” She asked.

“Yeah... yeah, everything is fine. Snow is... just not my thing.” He lied to her. “After all, it’s not that special when you get it regularly every winter.”

“Do... do you get a lot of snow in Corona?” She timidly asked as she placed her hands behind her back.

Varian finally turned to look at her, and he gave her the most peculiar stare; as if he was simultaneously seeing all of her, and through her at once, looking past her at some distant memory that she wasn’t privy to.

“We get far too much.” He said ominously, and Honey Lemon didn’t want to know what he meant by that.

She sighed, accepting defeat. “Well I thought I would just ask... promise me though... that you won’t stay cooped up in the kitchen at least. You’ll come down stairs for hot cocoa, right?”

Varian gave her a small, sad smile. “Alright, I promise.”

“Okay,” She nodded.”I’ll come and get you when we do that. Sounds good?”

“Yeah, I’ll see ya then. In the meantime I’ll fix the rest of dinner.”

Honey Lemon pursed her lips and gave a tight smile before awkwardly turning to leave. She did however turn back to look at Varian one final time before heading downstairs. His back was turned towards her now as he continued to make the cornbread. Her eye landed on the spellbook again, and for one brief moment she wished she could throw the thing in the trash.

----------------

The storm only got worse throughout the day. By the time lunch rolled around all the roads were completely closed, with announcements that the trolleys would soon stop running and shut down early for the day, and the news was advising people to stay at home.

Everyone agreed therefore to an impromptu sleepover in the living room.

Board games, movies, hot cocoa, and pillow forts with pillow fights helped to pass the time away.

Aunt Cass yawned as she finished handing out the last of the blankets. "Man, this snow day has worn me out. I'm heading to bed early. Just don't stay up too late. Good Night."

"Night Aunt Cass." The chorus of college kids rang out behind her.

"I'm with Aunt Cass," Wasabi yawned himself as he laid down on his makeshift pallet on the floor. "I'm pooped."

His beauty rest  was short-lived when Rudigger crawled up on his chest, circled around once, and then curled up to sleep.

Wasabi frowned before picking the wild creature up and putting him down on the floor. "Hey now. I am not a pillow"

He then readjusted his sleep mask and laid back down again, only for Ruddiger to ignore his warning and perch upon the scientist's chest once more.

Wasabi's ensuing battle with the raccoon for dominance was ignored by everyone.

"Well, I for one think we shouldn't end any good sleepover without ghost stories." Tadashi mischievously smiled as he flopped on the couch.

"Varian's got a good vampire story to tell." Hiro chimed in. "You know, that one you told during the camping trip."

Varian, who was already laying down on his own pallet on the floor, heaved a sigh. "I'm not really up for stories. I'm pretty tired as well."

Gogo frowned. "Hey, is everything alright? "

"Yeah, you've been pretty bummed out all day." Fred added bluntly.

"It... it's nothing." Varian insisted. "I'm just not a fan of the cold."

And with that he pulled the cover up higher and turned on his side. Everyone shared knowing looks as he pretended to sleep, but all thought it best not to press the matter.

"Well, I guess it's up to me then." Tadashi sighed as a knowing smile played on his lips. "How about the one about…”

----------------

Tadashi was midway through his ghost story when the power went out. 

Varian had only been half paying attention but his eyes snapped open and he bolted upright at the sudden darkness. 

He vaguely heard screaming, but he couldn't tell if it was just himself or the others. 

“Ha. ha. Very funny Tadashi.” Wasabi yelled into the darkness sarcastically. 

“It wasn't me.” The other boy protested. 

That's when Baymax’s chest lit up and produced a weather report. 

“The news is reporting temporary power outages across the city. Citizens are recommended to stay inside and keep warm while the electric company works on the lines. Power should be back shortly.” The robot helpfully informed. “In the meantime I will activate my built-in heater.”

Varian could see a few of the teens make their way over to the glowing automaton and snuggle up to it. Others wrapped their blankets around them tighter. 

All except Hiro, who had made his way over to him. 

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked in a low voice. 

Not low enough to Varian’s liking however, as he put on his usual front. “Yeah I'm fine.” 

“I didn't think Tadashi’s story was that scary.” Gogo added, commenting on everyone else's earlier screams. 

“Just because you're not afraid of anything Gogo..” Honey Lemon started but Fred interrupted her. 

“Nuh uh… She’s afraid of leprechauns, remember?” 

“Leprechauns?” Tadashi snorted. 

Gogo rolled her eyes. “It's from that stupid movie that came out when we were kids. I was five. Okay.” 

“Oh Unlucky Charms!” Tadashi nodded recognizing the film. “Okay, I can see why that would creep a kid out. Not me of course… but…” 

“Oh stop lying.” Hiro needled his brother. “I know what you're afraid of.” 

“Oh come on… no… not that.” Tadashi begged. 

“He’s weirded out by the Share Bears.” 

Tadashi groaned and literally everyone else burst out laughing. Everyone but Varian. 

“Bears can be scary.” 

“No he means the Share Bears.” Wasabi tried to explain. 

“It's a cartoon.” Honey Lemon added through her snickers. 

“Yeah, a cartoon for babies.” Fred chimed in. “Seriously bro?” 

“Hey, they're disturbing. Alright?” Tadashi defended himself. 

“How are teddy bears that teach kids manners 'disturbing’?” Gogo asked. 

“Because they don't teach anything. They brainwash people into being perfect little mindless drones with those heartfilled laser beams. I'm telling you guys, it's a messed up show. Also Hiro had one of those stuffed animals as a kid and it would not die. I'd bury it in the backyard and three months later it was back in the toy box singing ‘I love you very much’ in its high-pitched voice over and over again.” 

“So in other words, your parents found it outside and put new batteries in it.” Wasabi stated matter of factly. 

“That's just it,” Tadashi insisted. “There were no batteries in it. I checked!” 

“Ooooh… now that is creepy.” Fred whispered. 

Gogo rolled her eyes. "So we got leprechauns, share bears, " she pointed to Fred, "spiders," then to Wasabi, "heights," and lastly to Honey Lemon, "and hippos... for some reason."

"Hippos?" Varian couldn't help asking in spite of himself.

"Hippos are mean." Honey Lemon defended herself. "They bully all of the other animals. Even crocodiles are afraid of them!"

"Don't crocodiles eat hippos though?" Hiro asked.

"Actually adult hippopotamuses are extremely aggressive and most predators leave them alone." Baymax informed them.

"See!?" Honey Lemon shouted, validated. "And they have those big scary tusks and huge mouths, and they can trample you under their weight."

"So can elephants and you love those." Wasabi butt in.

"Yeah, but elephants are adorable." Honey Lemon countered, as if this was an obvious difference.

"Okay," Gogo rolled her eyes again, "So we know what everyone is afraid of, except for you Hiro."

"Me?" Hiro asked, and shrugged. "I don't know. I used to be scared of monsters under the bed when I was like three, but after you've faced what we've faced…. It's kind of hard to find normal things scary."

"What about abnormal things then?" Tadashi asked.

"I... I still have nightmares about the void sometimes." Hiro admitted. "I can face it, but like... it's just nothingness... endless... I won't lie... that's kind of terrifying."

"Many people find the unknown scary. It is a common fear." Baymax said comfortingly.

"But apparently it's not unknown." Fred said. "That Madame Canardist says she traveled through it to get here.” 

“So she says .” Gogo pointed out. “We've no reason to believe her.” 

“We don't really have any reason to disbelieve her either.” Tadashi shrugged. “I mean given everything we've seen so far.” 

“What do you think, Varian?” Wasabi asked. 

Everyone turned to resident portal expert among them, but Varian just sat there hugging his knees and staring at the floor. 

"I think... I'm afraid of failing."

Silence fell over the little group as Varian kept staring at his toes.

He seemed to be considering something before he looked up again, coming to a sort of decision.

"Where did you put Carnardist's scroll?" He asked.

"No." Tadashi said softly, but firmly. "We all agreed that we weren't going that route."

"But-"

"No 'buts'. You said it yourself. It's too dangerous. We'll use the portal."

"And what if I can't get it to work?" Varian sobbed.

"You will," Tadashi reassured, "and we'll go with you to rescue your dad."

For once, Varian didn't even bother to argue the second part. "You don't know that."

"You got it to work before." Hiro pointed out.

"If anyone can make it work you can, querido." Honey Lemon encouraged, wrapping him in a hug.

Varian didn't return it. "Exactly. What if no one can? What if we're just wasting time? What if he's... what if he's already d-"

Gogo sighed, and laid a hand on his shoulder, snapping him out of his panic.

"Hey... I believe in you. We'll keep Madam Carnardist's scroll as a backup, but until we know more about the void, we're going to focus on fixing the portal first."

"Just tell us what you need and we'll help." Wasabi added.

"Oh and Minimax has been running algorithms on that secret code in that Demanti guy's journal every night, just like you asked." Fred said.

Varian only frowned at them, in spite of their support.

"You don't understand." He whispered before suddenly standing up.

He briskly made his way to the stairs and everyone rushed to follow him.

Despite the darkness he ran down them two steps at a time and for a moment, everyone feared that he was going to rush out into the storm, but he stopped at the door.

He stood there staring out into the alleyway and the flurry of snowflakes. Everyone stood still on the stairs, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing that might send him into a flight. Only for him to  forcefully slam the door. He turned back towards them, shaking as tears ran down his cheeks.

"I hate the snow." His voice cracked with this little admission before he slumped down onto the floor, his back to the door.

Tadashi broke from the group first. "Well I love it, especially if it keeps you from running away yet again."

He stood there in front of his adopted brother, his hands on his hips, as if waiting for an explanation. He had tried to keep his voice light and his manner half joking, but he couldn't fully rid the evident concern on his face. Finally he sighed and sat down next to him.

"Look, I know we don't understand." He said more softly. "And I know it's difficult for you to talk about it. Just.... What are we supposed to do? How can we help?"

Varin sniffled. "Nothing."

Tadashi shook his head and rung his hands. He looked back up the landing to his friends, completely lost.

"What if... what if we ran some experiments?" He slowly offered. "After school starts back. While you and Hiro work on the portal... maybe Baymax and I could study the scroll mor-"

"No!" Hiro half ran, half jumped down the stairs towards them. "No one is reading any freaky magic scrolls or going anywhere near the void."

Tadashi gave his little brother a pleading look, but was surprised to hear Varian speak up in agreement.

"Hiro's right. It was stupid of me to ask. Just... just forget it."

Hiro immediately looked regretful. "We can still work on the portal. You've proven that can be done safely."

Varian gave a long sigh.

"Sure." He said flatly.

Everyone exchanged worried glances. Unable to run away or fight, Varian now went back to his depressed state from earlier, and for some reason that seemed to be even worse.

It was Fred who spoke up first. "It worked the first time, before Momaksake showed up. Did you change the design of the portal any when you rebuilt it?"

Varian shook his head. "No... and I'm using the same focusing device. The amber should work. That's what I can't understand."

"What is the amber anyways?" Tadashi asked. "You said that you made it somehow."

Varian eyes darted away from his, and he wouldn't answer.

"Well, then do you have anything else that you could try?" Wasabi asked.

"No. Nothing else would have the same energy signature. Except... except for the rocks."

"Like Carnardist's paperweight?" Gogo asked. "She said it was made from those rocks."

"She won't let us use it though." Tadashi pointed out.

"Well maybe if we just explained-" Honey Lemon started but Varian interrupted.

"Guys.. just drop it!"

Everyone stared at him. That's when the lights came back on.

This seemed to signal something to Varian. He stood up and made his way back to the stairs. He stopped at the top of the landing.

"Maybe it's time to face the facts." He whispered. "I'm never going to see my Dad again, and it's my fault."

Gogo stepped forward. "Don't say that."

"Gogo, please. All this time I've been trying and trying to fix my mistakes and all I've done is either gone nowhere or made things worse."

"That's not true." Tadashi said, standing up himself, as if highlighting what good Varian had really done just by being there.

Varian looked back at him, lost. Tadashi wouldn't let him continue.

"I've already told you before. It's not your fault."

Varian's face hardened as he looked down on them.

"You weren't there."

His voice sounded colder than the freezing snow outside.

Tadashi made his way back up the stairs until they were face to face.

"In what way is it your fault? It's not like you hurt your dad. You didn't cause the rocks. You didn't start the war. It isn't your fault that the portal's not working."

Varian seemed to crumple in on himself as Tadashi continued.

"Tadashi, please..."

Tadashi ignored his pleas and held him by the shoulders. "Listen. I know. Okay? I know what it's like to blame yourself for bad things, to think about all the ways you could have changed time if you had just done something different, but sometimes accidents just happen and it's no one's fault."

Varian was openly crying now. Tadashi waited.

He was going to make Varian understand. That he didn't need to feel ashamed of his past. They were going to get through this as a family, just like they had always done.

Nothing prepared for the words that came next.

"But I did do all those things." Varian whispered.

"What?"

"I caused the accident..." He started to ramble as he pulled away from Tadshi's astonished grasp. "The rocks were destroying our home! I had to do something! Dad told me not to. B-but I didn't listen. Not till it was too late! We.. we were arguing in my lab, and I heard him shout and he pushed me out of the way... and... and... It's my fault!"

Everyone stood there in shock as the most pitiful wail broke from Varian's lips. "Oh God, why did I ever mix that formula?"

He broke down in tears and no one knew what to do. Then suddenly he gasped as if coming to a realization.

"What if he really is dead? What... what if I killed hi-?"

"Now none of that." That seemed to snap Wasabi out of his shock. He took three big strides and before Varian could react he found himself wrapped up in a big bear hug.

"None of that." Wasabi repeated; softer this time. "Your dad is alive, and we're going to rescue him. And... even if the worse has happened...it is still. not. your. fault."

He made sure to emphasize each word and only held onto him tighter.

"Of course not." Tadashi agreed, and joined in on the hug.

"An accident is still just an accident." Hiro explained as he too came forward.

"Your dad wouldn't blame you." Gogo added.

"We certainly don't." Honey Lemon said as she came up from behind.

"That's.. *hic*... the saddest... *sob*... origin story I've ever heard." Fred bawled before adding himself to the group hug.

"It is difficult sometimes to face our past." Baymax advised. "But remember that, even when you believe you've made a mistake, you are loved."

Now Varian was crying for a whole new reason. He was still loved. They saw his deepest fear and still cared. They still were promising to help his dad, the same as they had done months ago under the sequoia tree. And if they still had hope... maybe he could too.

----------------

Honey Lemon turned in her sleep and reached out to cuddle the nearest person, but her hands grasped nothing but the cold rug underneath.

Her brow furrowed as she barely consciously noticed something was amiss. She fell asleep surrounded by her friends. Someone should be there.... but who?

Her eyes snapped open with alarm. Varian!

She sat up quickly and tried to pierce the darkness as she scanned the living room.

Everyone else was still asleep but Varian's sleeping bag was definitely empty.

Honey Lemon tried not to panic. After all, he could have just decided that his own bed was more comfortable than the floor. But somehow Honey Lemon knew that not to be the case.

Varian, for all his pertinacity for running away, he genuinely hated being alone. Especially when he was upset.

She couldn't see him retreating to his room and willing isolating himself after what he had told everyone about his dad.

Slowly she stood up and tipped toed towards the kitchen. Maybe he woke up for a midnight snack?

She was surprised that her hunch was correct. Varian was indeed in the kitchen, but he wasn't eating.

He just stood there, silently, staring out of the window at the swiftly falling snow.

Unsure how best to approach him, Honey Lemon just quietly moved to stand beside him and watch the storm too.

"Sorry, I tried my best not to wake you." He whispered.

"It's okay." Honey whispered back, and then after a pause asked. "Did you have another nightmare?"

Varian's only answer was to sigh and hang his head, as if he was ashamed of such a thing.

Rather than asking if he wanted to talk about it, Honey Lemon decided on a new tactic. "C-cause I just had one. That's what woke me up actually."

This had the desired effect as Varian completely forgot about his own insecurities and reverted all of his concern onto her instead.

"What about?"

Honey thought quick. "That you had disappeared."

It was close enough to the truth that Varian didn't question it. Instead he gave a soft laugh and tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Well I'm right here." He smiled.

Honey grabbed his hand with both hers as he caressed her cheek. He was still here and she couldn't have been happier for it. If only he would stay and never go back to that awful Corona.

Varian broke away from the embrace first, but he still held her hand as he led her to one of the kitchen chairs. He sat down, and without even thinking about it, Honey Lemon sat in his lap.

It felt so natural to just sit together in the quiet. Him holding her. She absentmindedly running her fingers through his hair.

She could have remained there all night to watch the sunrise, but then her eyes soon landed on the journal sitting on the table.

She reached out to pick it up. It was opened to a page about portals.

She gave him a pout and Varian pressed his lips together, unsure of what to say.

She shook her head, laid the book back down, and stood back up.

"Honey?"

Varian took off after her as she made her way down the stairs.

But rather than answer she forced a smile on her face.

"Do you want some hot cocoa?' She asked him with as cheerful a voice as she could manage, and without waiting for an answer, she went behind the counter and started to pull out the hot cocoa packet and mugs.

Varian stood frozen on the bottom of the landing, bewildered by Honey Lemon's sudden mood swings, not knowing how to proceed.

"Do you want marshmallows?" She asked.

"Yeeeah...?"

He inched slowly towards her as she pulled out the half and half; almost as if she was a deer in the forest that might bolt if he so much as breathed wrong.

"You know... I umm... about that nightmare I had?" He paused waiting for her reaction. She slowed in her moments but didn't look at him. He continued on. "Mine was about the black rocks again. I keep having them. It's sort of the same dream... only different each time and well, whenever I can't sleep I'd rather work on something then just sit there in the dark. S-so that's why I was studying Demantius journal."

"Okay."

Her reply was soft but curt and Varian didn't know how to respond to it.

"Here's your coco." She said with another forced smile and handed him the steaming mug. He took it and gave it a half hearted sip as she went to sit in front of the window.

The street lamp outside lit the swirling flurries with a soft warm glow. It was beautiful. It was deceptive. And it was cold.

His gaze landed back on the slender woman's silhouette, also bathed in that same warm light and every bit as frosty as the snow that fell.

He suppressed a sigh of frustration and took a seat next to her. They sat there, for who knows how many minutes, just looking at the storm.

“I know you don't want me going back to Corona.” He said, finally breaking the silence. 

Honey Lemon didn't respond. 

“B-but you do understand how important it is, right?” He pressed. “Now that I've told you everything?...You don't have to like it. I just need you to understand.” 

“I understand.” She whispered; not looking at him. 

“Do you? Do you really? Cause, it doesn't feel like it when you get mad at me for working on the portal.” 

She turned her head away from him, but didn't answer. He sighed and went back to nursing his cup of coco. The uncomfortable silence returned. 

"Did you know I had a sister?" She asked suddenly, and Varian turned to her in surprise.

"Umm... n-no. No I didn't." he stuttered.

"I've never met her."

She still wasn't looking at him as she stared at her toes.

"I don't even know her name."

She almost laughed at that. Almost. Like a breathless gasp that she nearly choked on.

"See... after dad moved out he got this job at a university. It was practically on the opposite side of the world. Anyways... I  hadn't heard from for awhile, so I contacted the collage and got his private office. Some girl answered the phone and when I asked to talk to 'Professor Hopken’, I heard her call out 'Daaad!' Phone call for you!' so I just hung up.” 

Varian didn't say anything. He sat there, with concern etched onto his face. Honey Lemon knew that look, but didn't turn to face him. She kept staring at her cup of coco that she had barely drunk out of. 

“I always thought that the reason he left was because he didn't want to be a dad. That he had to put his career on hold when he and mama had me. But I guess he just didn't want to be my dad.” 

“Don't say that.” 

Honey Lemon finally looked at him and gave him a sad smile. “I know. It's not me. It was never about me or my brother.” 

She let out a shaky breath. 

“Look, you're right. I don't understand. I never had a dad who cared. I can't even begin to imagine what you've gone through. But why do I have to understand? I'm not trying to stop you. I said I would help.” 

Varian let out a second sigh; one of defeat instead of frustration. 

“I know. I guess… I just feel guilty when I see you upset over it.” 

“Sorry.”

“No. No, don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. I guess…I should be happy that you care so much?”

Honey Lemon snorted over his awkwardness. 

“Well, if I was planning on traveling to a dangerous alternate dimension to save someone, what would you do?” 

“Go with you.” 

“And if I told you ‘No. It's too dangerous.’ What then?” 

He conceded with a nod. 

“Okay. I get it.” 

“Sooo you'll let us help you?” 

“Define help.” 

“Like coming with you to Corona to save your dad?” 

Varian stifled a groan. “How?” 

“What do you mean ‘how’?” 

“I mean how will you being there help?” 

“Well for one we could fight off that nasty king if he showed up!” 

“It wouldn't be the king. It would be the king's guard and Rapunzel. You can't just bubble the princess like you do criminals.” 

“Why not?” 

“Magic.” He said seriously. 

Honey Lemon’s stomach dropped. Varian hated any association with magic. It only dawned on her just now why. He hated magic, because he had fought against magic. It wasn't fairy godmothers granting wishes to attend royals balls nor pixie dust that made people fly. Magic was something to be feared. Magic was a weapon. 

She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and looked him straight in the eye.

“And we have the power of science.” She said with far more confidence than she felt. 

Varian slowly broke out into a grin before snorting with laughter. 

“It wasn't that corny… was it?” 

“It was,” he snickered.

Honey Lemon pouted. 

“And it was glorious.” He added. Which made her feel a little better. 

“B-but I mean it. We could figure out some way to like.. I don't know… block her powers or something.” 

Varian swallowed down his giggles with another swig of coco, before gaining his composure. 

“I'll make you a deal.” He said, more seriously this time. “If you can find a way to dispel magic. You can come. ” 

Honey Lemon raised an eyebrow. “And if we can't?” 

“Then you stay behind to man the portal.” 

“I'm not sure if I like that deal.”

“Someone has to stay behind, so that whoever goes won't get stuck.” He reasoned. 

Honey Lemon saw the logic in that but wasn't ready to give up. 

“On one condition.” 

“Name it.” 

Honey Lemon bit her lip for a moment before jumping up and pulling Varian away from the table and his mug of coco. 

“We have a snowball fight.” 

“What!?” 

“We have a snowball fight.” She repeated as she opened the front door. Everything looked pale and gray in the early morning. “If you win, then I'll accept the terms of the deal. If I win, then we renegotiate.” 

She stood in the doorway, hands on her hips, looking at him expectantly. 

He however looked at her as if she was crazy. 

“I’m not going out in that .” He pointed behind her. 

“It's just snow. It won't hurt you.” 

“It's cold.” 

“We're both wearing sweaters.” 

She grabbed a couple of scarves and hats off the coat hanger next to the door and tossed some at him. 

“You could slip on the ice.” He protested, as she put on her boots.

“And it's not even fully light out yet.”

 She didn't hear him as she ran outside. 

“Fine, I'll renegotiate!” He yelled from the doorway; his hands up in the air in surrender, still clutching the hat and scarf. 

Honey Lemon paused, snow in hand. 

“You mean I can come with?” 

“I didn't say that.” 

Honey Lemon grabbed another handful of snow and started packing it on top of the previous handful. 

“Okay… okay.” 

She looked up to see him snag a handful of snow himself while still standing in the doorway. 

A short but fierce snowball fight began. Honey Lemon ran this way and that. Varian never left the doorway. Somehow they both manage to completely miss each other every time. 

Varian dogged another snowball as it smacked into the side of the doorframe, and then he scooped down to get more ammunition. 

He had to lean out far to grab more fresh snow, since had used up all that was in front of the door. 

Honey Lemon took aim, and then lowered her arm as she watched him struggle. 

“We can take a break if you want to get your shoes.” 

“No… it's fine… I got it.” He grunted as he nabbed a pitiful handful of powdery frost, before catching himself as he nearly fell face forward. 

He righted himself quickly and started quickly forming a ball before it melted in his hand. He stopped when he noticed that Honey was no longer throwing anything at him. 

“Do you really hate the snow that much?” She asked. 

“I… don't hate it.” He squirmed. “I just…” 

He trailed off, unable to articulate his complex history with the weather. When looked up again, she was standing in front of him. Her hands now empty. 

“I'm sorry. I just thought it would be fun.” 

“It was fun.” He insisted. “Really. I'm… I'm just bad at snowball fights.”

She threw her arms around his neck, and he dropped the last of the half melted snow. 

“Oh what are we going to do?” She moaned, her face inches from his own. 

“Uhhh…” His mind blanked. “I don't know.” He managed to mutter.

His head swam. She had given him hugs before but this felt different. He could feel her warm breath on his lips, contrasting with freezing air and he wanted to kiss her. Kiss her properly, on the mouth. Like he'd seen in movies and read in books. 

But would she let him?

He didn't get a chance to find out. 

“What are you doing holding the open like that? It's freezing out there.” 

Varian snapped his head around to see Aunt Cass and his brothers on the stairs. 

“Yeah and some of us are still trying to sleep.” Tadashi added, hugging himself to keep warm. 

“If you want to go outside that's fine, but try not to let all the warm air out with you.” Aunt Cass finished before turning to go back up stairs. 

“Why can't you two flirt like normal people?” Hiro sneered before following after. 

Both Varain and Honey Lemon turned beat red. 

She slowly untangled her arms from around his neck as Tadashi left as well, and he stepped aside to let her in. 

He was about to close the door too when a strong gust of wind blasted in his face. 

Honey Lemon squeaked and covered her head as something clambered against the side of the wall. 

Varian looked to see what had hit the side of the house. It was black and poking out of the snow. 

Ignoring his socks getting soaked through, he strode over to the object to pick it up. 

Its handle glinted in the soft light and his heart stopped. 

“What is it?” Honey asked, peering from the doorway. 

“It's a knife.” 

“A knife?” 

He pulled the dagger from its sheath to show her. Even the blade was polished black stone. 

“That's weird.” She commented. “Who leaves knives lying around?”

He looked at her with an unreadable expression on his face. 

“It's not from here.” He said. “It's from Corona.”

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 33)

Back Down To Earth

Arthur and reader return to camp after their wonderful night together, and quickly remember that the rest of their lives aren’t so peachy. Some tension and conflict in this one. Hope you enjoy!

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

Waking up without a tender ache in my hip was a very nice change, the soft bed giving me an appreciated restful night. Arthur was still sleeping when I opened my eyes to him; laying on his front, his head resting on his folded arms. I sat up and stretched, feeling oddly vulnerable in the light of day sat atop the bed completely nude. Of course, Arthur was just as naked as I was and I struggled to resist letting my eyes wander down his spine; all of those masculine ridges of muscle at his shoulders, the dips in his lower back above his backside, his backside, looking soft and round and cute. I very nearly pinched myself, wondering how on earth I'd been lucky enough to end up with such an attractive man.

I turned onto my side, tucked a piece of his caramel coloured hair behind his ear; it'd gotten real long, stopping just above his shoulders, parted at the side and swept over, looking like some sort of prince. Goodness he was handsome. How was he so handsome?

I retracted my hand and moved away from him, stopping myself from gushing over him any more. Poor man deserved his undisturbed sleep. I decided I'd get up and have myself a bath, it'd been so long since I'd had a hot bath and I stayed in there for as long as I could. Even so, Arthur was still sleeping when I got back to the room to collect my things before heading out, just like I said I would the previous evening. I left him to sleep, figuring he deserved a lie in, and left him a note to remind him where I'd gone off to.

So I took a short trip into Saint Denis. I was curious about how the place had changed and had planned on having a wander around before carrying out my main objective, but stepping outside and walking up two streets had been more than enough exploring for my evolved tastes. I remembered when I was a youngster, trips to the city were exciting to me; the busy, modern, fast-paced atmosphere was something I didn't experience in any other place. I grew up in the swamp, in a small house with no neighbours for a good twenty minute walk in all directions, it was always so quiet and uneventful and as a child, boring. 

Growing into adulthood and losing my family, spending time alone wandering from place to place and mostly avoiding civilisation for the sake of my hunting success, had certainly changed the way I viewed the city. Just that short time outdoors during the day, with so many people passing by, acknowledging me only to size me up… well, I felt incredibly anxious. 

So, I headed straight for the place I wanted to visit, pleased that it still existed, and made a purchase I had not made in years. 

Letting myself back into the hotel room was a pleasant relief. By the time I had done what I needed to do, Arthur had woken up and appeared to have taken a bath himself; he was sat on the bed with a towel wrapped around his waist, a second in his hands scrubbing at his hair. 

"Morning," I greeted him, watching as he pulled the towel free from his head to look at me, his hair was sticking up all over the place and I couldn't help but smile at the sight of it. 

"You're back," he seemed pleased, "done what you needed to do?"

"I have," I grinned at him, coming to sit next to him on the bed with a cardboard box on my lap. "I trust you slept well, you were out like a log when I left."

"I sure did. Haven't slept so well in years," he smiled, standing up to gather his clothes. He tossed them on the bed when he turned back to me, dropping the towel around his waist unceremoniously. 

I felt myself flush and averted my eyes only after getting a good – though accidental – look at his naked body. I heard Arthur chuckle. 

"Sorry, sweetheart, I thought you wouldn't mind," he said, his voice a little teasing. 

"I certainly don't mind," I said, feeling warmth bloom in my belly, "but warn a lady next time, won't you?"

"I surely will, never meant to catch you by surprise, ma'am," he said, picking up his union suit and stepping into it. 

I allowed myself to look at him, my eyes immediately going to what was between his legs purely by accident, or perhaps it was curiosity, or human nature… whatever it was, Arthur didn't miss it and when I met his eyes he appeared amused, though with a healthy splash of colour in his cheeks. 

"You're a fine man, Arthur Morgan. You can't go 'round flaunting it all so suddenly, you'll make my head spin," I giggled, watching as he buttoned up the suit and covered himself up.

Arthur didn't seem to know how to respond to that, looking surprised. 

"You don't realise just how fine you are, do you?" I queried, tilting my head at him. He breathed a bashful laugh and pulled on his jeans and his shirt, tucking it in and pulling his suspenders up over his shoulders. "You always laugh like that when I compliment you," I noted.

"Do I? I guess I just ain't used to hearing that sort of thing from a lady such as yourself," he murmured, coming to sit back down on the bed next to me. "I don't know where it comes from, truth be told."

"Comes from looking at you," I twisted and wrapped my arms around his neck, scooting closer. "I'm a lucky girl, getting to be this close to a man like you. I reckon my mama'd say I've done mighty well for myself."

"You think so?" He snorted, not seeming to believe me but putting his hands on my waist anyway. I brought one hand to cup his cheek, my thumb drawing down and across the bottom of his mouth, tracing under his lips. 

I leaned in and pecked his lips, they were so soft and plush under mine I could've done it again right away, but I held back. Instead I kissed his cheek, then his jaw, slowly, tenderly.

"It's no secret I always thought you were easy on the eyes," I whispered to him. 

"It's no secret I've always been confused about it," he said and the corner of his mouth lifted; I kissed it. "After all, look at you."

I pulled back minutely.

"You're an incredibly beautiful woman, I don't even have the words for it," he said to me, his voice all low and silky in my ears. I pulled back a little more to look into his eyes. 

"Goodness, Arthur," I breathed a quiet laugh, "you're making me blush."

"Was that too silly? Sometimes I worry things'll sound silly coming from me."

"No!" I grinned, kissing him again then pulling him in tight for a close hug. "God, last night was perfect. Everything is perfect with you. You make me a very happy girl."

"Well, if I can make you happy, that matters a whole lot to me."

I gave him a final quick peck on the lips, then pulled away and presented the cardboard box I had in my lap to him. 

"For you. Or, us," I shrugged.

Arthur looked down at the box with interest, it was a plain white thing, not very big, and when he lifted the lid, he chuckled. 

"A little treat. I went to the confectioner's. Pa used to take me and my brother there every time we visited the city and he'd treat us to a cake. We'd share one between the three of us, but I figured I'd buy us one each today, since I'm in such a good mood," I smirked at him. 

Inside the box there were a pair of individual little sponge cakes, layered with strawberry preserve and thick servings of cream, lots of powdered sugar and a pretty spiral of sliced strawberries on top. The things were a few inches tall, the cake to filling ratio being at least fifty-fifty. It was the same cake I had as a kid, and I remembered carving a small spot in heaven every time I sat down to eat my helping. I would close my eyes and take the tiniest of bites, making it last, savouring, licking my fingers and plucking the crumbs off my skirt to eat them as to not let a single piece go to waste. Though, I hadn't eaten anything like it in years. 

"This is… you know, about all I've eaten for as long as I can remember is meat and canned vegetables, and whatever Pearson puts in his stew. Sweet stuff like this just doesn't come my way. Angel, this is one hell of a treat," his smile was wide, and it was such a pure, untroubled smile that it touched my heart.

"Well then, eat up. Nothing like cake for breakfast, huh?" 

Arthur and I moved on the bed, scooting back and turning to sit facing each other, cross-legged, with the box between us. We each took a cake and wasted no time in tucking in, both of us letting out appreciative hums at the first bite. The cake was so fluffy and moist, sweet and decadent and every bit as delicious as I remembered from my childhood. Cream squeezed out and coated my tongue and Arthur caught some of his own in his palm before it dropped down the front of his shirt. They were messy to eat but I'd argue it only added to the experience. 

"Christ, that's good," Arthur groaned with his mouth full, then licked away the cream on his hand. I giggled, nodding in agreement.

The sound of chewing filled the space between us, along with the odd noise from the street outside; horses hoof beats, chatter, the bump of wagon wheels over cobblestones. Arthur and I were quiet, though. Nothing like tasty food to shut people up.

About half way through the cake I quickly began to wonder if it was such a good idea to eat a whole one to myself, it was becoming very sickly. That didn't mean I stopped eating, though, it was far too good and the treat was far too rare for me to want to let any of it go to waste. So I pushed through and stuffed my face, licking up the cream that had escaped onto my fingers and my lips. I had to admit to feeling a little sick after the whole thing, but it was worth it, I'd say. 

"What're we doing today, going back?" I asked and Arthur turned his nose up a little before composing himself. 

"Do you want to?"

"Do you?" I countered and Arthur let out a small sigh.

"No, I don't reckon I do," he said quietly. 

"Well, I'd be happy to stay away for as long as you want, but…" I began, looking down, "ain't you worried what folks will think if we stay away too long?"

"Not really, wouldn't be the first time I've spent a few days away from camp without announcing it to everyone."

"Yeah but, it ain't just you this time."

Arthur was quiet for a few moments. "You worried about what people'll think we're up to?"

"No, though I assume they'd think we're doing exactly what we did last night, whether it was the case or not. I'm more worried about Dutch thinking I'm–" I stopped, second guessing whether it was a good idea to speak my mind on the matter.

"Dutch? What you worrying about Dutch for?" He frowned lightly, concerned. I kept my eyes focused on an embroidered tulip on the bed sheet as I thought.

"Maybe it don't matter."

"No, it does. Has he said something to you?" His hand reached out to cup mine.

"Jus' something I overheard when you was with the O'Driscolls. I don't know what he meant, really," I shrugged. 

"Talk to me."

"Well, when they came back without you, and Micah said he didn't know where you were, I panicked. I was askin' Dutch what he was gonna do, and he weren't being all that helpful with his answers– he was pissed off, understandably so. I reckon he was worried about you, but he was talking about not doing what Colm expected–" I shook my head and stole a look up at Arthur, his eyes were dead set on me but unreadable. 

"Anyway, he wanted rid of me, and Hosea, bless him, took me away and calmed me down. But as I left, Micah told Dutch I had a crush on you," a small laugh escaped me at that, "and Dutch goes; that's all we need, or something like that. He didn't sound happy about it."

Arthur stayed quiet for a moment longer and I felt compelled to carry on.

"Then he kinda brushed me off when you got back, I don't reckon he knows about us. At least not the full extent. And I guess I've just been worried that he and some of the others might think I'm distracting you or taking you away from the gang," I admitted.

I met Arthur's eyes, both of us remaining quiet for a few seconds before Arthur seemed to snap out of a stupor and he cleared his throat.

"Well, you ain't distracting me, not from what needs doing. I've been doin' all I'm supposed to, so nobody can moan at me for that," he muttered.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to piss you off," I began, sensing a tension in him that I didn't like.

"No, you haven't. You did the right thing, telling me what you're worried about. I assure you, though, you ain't taking me away from nothing. And if anyone gives you trouble, you let me know," he said, his voice deep and intense, sending goosebumps rising on my arms.

"I will," I nodded. 

"And I ain't going back now to keep them lot happy, they can live without me for one night and one day. We can have today and go back this evening, if you want."

"I'd like that," I smiled at him.

"The gang," he started, pressing his lips together in thought before continuing, "they're like my family. But lately, certain things have reminded me that while that may be true, they ain't all that matters."

"Yeah?"

"Listen, I can see Dutch has doubted you from day one. At first I could understand; you were new, everyone's cautious around the new person. But the thing is, you've been here long enough now, shown enough loyalty, done enough for us, for him to start treating you like one of us. God knows he was pattin' Micah on the head sooner than this," he spoke monotonously, a little harshly. He was definitely pissed off.

"I don't mind. Truth be told I don't care all that much for the man," I exhaled in a hollow laugh, unable to let go of his inaction when Arthur was in trouble, his reasons be damned.

"Yeah well, I care for you a whole lot," he said firmly, "and if Dutch, the man I'm supposed to blindly follow, makes you feel like you ain't on the same level as the rest of us, then I do mind."

I stared at him, eyes wide. Arthur cupped my cheek and pulled me in for a harsh, fiery kiss.

"I tell you one thing, I ain't keeping this a secret from nobody no more. You're important to me, and Dutch and everyone else is gonna know about it," he murmured against my mouth before kissing me again, barely giving me a moment to catch my breath, pushing me down onto the bed and blanketing my body with his. My head spun and I opened up for him, letting him smother me in his need and affection. 

We made love again, not emerging from our room until hours later, both of us finding it incredibly difficult to pull ourselves away from one another. I was completely, undeniably infatuated with him.

-

We rode back to camp after sundown, Sadie was on guard duty and she smirked at us when we arrived, though didn't say anything other than a polite greeting. We dismounted from Jet and I took the chance to give Rayna some love before Arthur and I walked into the main camp. It looked like people were finishing up with dinner as Susan was washing some dishes and everyone else was lazing about the place, the atmosphere felt flat in comparison to the previous night when everyone had been partying. It seemed the novelty of the house also wore off pretty quick considering most people were sitting outside.

Arthur and I helped ourselves to the last of Pearson's stew and took seats at the table. Susan had her eyes on us from the moment we arrived and it wasn't long before she said something. 

"You pair can wash your own dishes, considering you both got out of helping with the clean up," she said snarkily. 

"What clean up?" Arthur asked.

"From the party, of course," she chuckled. She didn't seem all that annoyed, thankfully. 

"Oh, well neither of us made the mess, in all fairness," Arthur said.

"Oh, so you snuck out last night, not this morning?"

I wasn't going to say anything, but Arthur did.

"Yeah," he said, "though I wouldn't call it sneaking out. Charles knew where we was going."

"And where was that?" Susan asked.

"Saint Denis," Dutch strolled over from his spot by the fire, eyes focused on Arthur, "don't worry, son, Charles told me where you were just as soon as I started worrying you'd wandered off with the O'Driscolls again."

"You were worried about that?" Arthur asked, voice rising in pitch. "Come on, Dutch, I leave camp all the time."

"Truth be told I don't know what riled me more, thinking you'd been taken by those bastards again, or knowing you'd waltzed right back into Saint Denis not ten minutes after being searched for by the law," Dutch's overly pleasant tone made me nauseous.

"John and I got away without being seen, they didn't know it was us. 'Sides, we went nowhere near that cemetery, didn't even stay on the streets long," Arthur muttered. I cocked a brow; cemetery?

"So where did you go, son?"

"Ain't that obvious?" Arthur said. I felt Dutch look at me, and kept on eating my stew to distract myself from my growing anxiety. "You're thinkin' it, don't make me say it."

Dutch hummed to himself, his eyes still on me. "Just, think with your brain, Arthur. We don't need any complications," he said, patting his shoulder once before sauntering off.

I met Arthur's eyes and his were apologetic. I didn't say anything for quite some time and after a stretch of silence, Arthur dropped his fork and stood up. 

"I'm gonna explain to him–" he began, but I grabbed his wrist. 

"Explain what?" I hissed. 

Arthur looked at me in surprise. "That it was my suggestion to go to Saint Denis and it ain't nobody's business if we were there or not, anyway."

"Oh, just leave it. He's dropped it, be thankful," I shrugged. 

"He's got no reason to be mad about it, if I wanna go to Saint Denis I'll go to Saint Denis," his voice raised, both in pitch and volume, the way it did when he was irritated, I was quickly understanding. "Never cared all that much before when I disappeared, so I understand."

Oh. 

I stared at him for a moment, thinking back to the O'Driscolls. I never stopped to think whether Arthur actually felt anything about the way Dutch handled that; I knew that it pissed me off to no end but Arthur had always been so understanding and accepting of these things when it came to Dutch. Though, I hadn't exactly helped the situation by relaying what had happened that night to him.

"Arthur, it might just be in our best interests to let it go," I said quietly, sensing stares from around the campfire. One glance there had me catching Charles' eyes. "Eat your dinner, you ain't had a proper meal today."

Arthur's eyes dropped to his food and after a moment, he slumped back down in his chair heavily. We finished our food in silence and when I went to gather our plates to wash them, Arthur got up and told me he was going to get an early night. It broke my heart, watching him walk away towards the house without me, left on such a sullen note. I had no idea where things had gone wrong, I wished that Dutch had left us alone, that Arthur hadn't taken what he'd said to heart. 

We'd had such a beautiful time together away from camp. Why did it have to come crashing down as soon as we returned? 

Charles silently sidled up to me when I was washing the dishes to help me dry them. He didn't say anything at first, but eventually, he spoke in a low, even tone that was difficult for even me to hear, let alone anyone else around us. 

"I can't help but feel responsible for that," he told me, "I'm sorry. I felt I had to tell Dutch when he started looking for Arthur this morning."

"God, Charles, no. Don't feel responsible, you ain't. Whole reason we told you was so people wouldn't get worried if they realised we were gone. It's okay," I reassured him, "if anything, I'm sorry. We put that on your shoulders. Of course, didn't really anticipate this turning into a drama."

"Me neither."

"Don't worry about it. I think I said something above my station today, soured Arthur's mood a bit."

"You two have an argument?"

"No, we didn't argue," far from it, I thought. "I don't think Dutch likes me very much."

"Why not?"

"Well, I'm stopping Arthur from being capable of using his brain, apparently," I snorted.

"Arthur isn't dumb."

"I know he ain't. Doesn't stop Dutch from treating him like he is, you saw what happened just then. Worst part is, I can't tell who Arthur's mad at; him or me," I turned to Charles, wiping my hands on my skirt and leaning my hip against the table.

"Only one way to find out," he shrugged, gesturing with his head towards the house. 

-

I entered Arthur's room, poking my head around the corner first to see if he was asleep. The lantern was still lit and he was sat up on his bed, writing in his journal. He looked at me and waved me in, and I crossed the room and sat down on a storage crate. 

"Sorry for leaving you like that," he spoke first, surprisingly, "needed to get my thoughts in order."

"That's alright," I nodded. Arthur sighed loudly and snapped his journal shut, putting it away in his satchel before looking at me head on. 

"I didn't mean what I said about Dutch not caring about me going missing. That was dumb of me, I know full well him coming after me would've been a bad idea. Heat of the moment, and all," he shrugged his shoulders. "I ain't more important than the rest of those folks out there."

"Well, if it's any consolation you only said how I've been feeling about it. Maybe I'm just selfish because of my feelings for you, but I weren't happy with Dutch over that," I admitted quietly, squeezing my hands together in my lap.

"Don't let it bother you, he did the right thing."

I shrugged, neither agreeing or disagreeing.

"He ain't been making all the right decisions lately, but that one needn't come into it. All that shit with the Braithwaites and the Grays, though…" he shook his head and laughed drily. "What a mess. None o' that felt right to me from the start."

"I know," I nodded.

"And now look at us, camping right outside of Saint Denis, closest we've ever been to civilisation. I don't know why we aren't heading west already, taking our chances getting by Blackwater, only so we can get back to more open lands, regain a little freedom. But what do I know? That's probably a bad idea, too."

"This life is relatively new to me, I've never had to run from the law. I couldn't tell you what that idea was, good nor bad. You having freedom, though, is all I want," I sighed, staring sadly at him. I hated seeing him this way; so sullen and conflicted.

"It seems like we're just getting involved with more and more bullshit. You know, Dutch wants us to go to a party at the mayor's house. We've moved up from working with sheriffs to schmoozing with high society, when we're wanted all over the damn place. It's like he's forgotten how to do subtlety," he narrowed his eyes, shaking his head incredulously. He was speaking very quietly, now.

My brows raised and I tried to imagine Arthur and Dutch rubbing shoulders with the likes of Saint Denis' mayor. "I see why that puzzles you," I laughed humorlessly. 

"I know that we need money. I know that we need to look for leads. I know that I should trust Dutch 'cause he knows what he's doing. But… I just don't like this shit. But I ain't got the ideas myself to counter with, so what's the point?" Arthur sighed heavily, gnawed on his lip for a moment and I waited for him to continue, it looked like there was more to come and I wanted him to get it off his chest.

"I've always just followed Dutch. Been with him since I was a boy, everything I know he's taught me. In a way he made things easy for me, I always knew what to do cause he always told me what to do, I never questioned it. But now I find myself questioning and I– what do I do?" He looked up at me, and my heart thudded at being put on the spot.

"You've never had to think for yourself before?" I wondered, hastily adding, "no offense."

"None taken. You hit the nail on the head," he shook his head.

"Well, what changed?"

"I don't know. Things feel different, with the gang I mean, we've gotten sloppy. Maybe Dutch is just feeling the heat, or maybe it's Micah; things were fine till he joined. I don't know. I just don't know. Running off to Saint Denis with you was the clearest my head has felt in weeks, I thought I was just permanently messed up by my run in with the O'Driscolls, but no. Turns out it's being here, I don't know what to think no more."

"You ain't upset with me, then?"

"You? Why would I be? All you've done lately is make me happy," he swung his legs off the edge of the bed and leaned towards me, taking my hand in both of his.

"I don't want to drive a wedge between you and Dutch."

"You ain't," he shook his head.

"I've never had much, but these last couple of months I've spent with you, they… it's like nothing I've ever known before. Happiness comes easy when I'm with you," I mumbled, feeling embarrassed by the words leaving my mouth, but wanting to be honest with him. "I just wish that things were simpler."

"Me too, princess. All I can hope for is one day being able to give you somethin' better than this. And maybe it's a little selfish too, Lord knows I'm happiest when I'm with you," he admitted, and it touched me.

"Don't you worry about Dutch. And don't feel responsible for the way he acts, things ain't been going too well for a while now. You know about Blackwater, Hosea; he tried to warn Dutch that it weren't a good idea to do that job, but he never listened. Listened to Micah instead," he grumbled out the last few words, "I guess I'm just in a weird place right now, I need– I don't know what I need."

"Arthur, you know I want to support you no matter what. I care about this gang, and I'll do all I can to help these folk and I'll always pull my weight. But my loyalty lies mostly with one person, and it ain't Dutch. Just know that," I gave him a direct look. Arthur nodded his head slowly.

"I guess I'll… let's see what this party is all about at the mayor's place, see what Dutch pulls outta his sleeve. I'll tell you one thing, though; I am not looking forward to it," he huffed, shaking his head then pulling his hands away to run them through his hair. "I won't lie, my stomach twists itself in knots just thinking about it."

"What if I asked Dutch if I could come, too?" I suggested on a whim, and Arthur looked up at me in surprise, "it's to look for leads, right? All those rich people there. Dutch knows acting is my forte, I could fit right in at a fancy soiree."

"You'd fit in a damn sight better than me," he laughed. 

"I'll ask. Worst he can say is no, but maybe he'll see it as me making myself useful and like me a little more," I smirked, "that's if me being there'd give you a little moral support, and you fellers don't plan on shooting the place up. 'Cause then, no promises I'll be any use at all."

"Somehow I don't think we have to worry about that," he smiled, then moved to lay back down on his bed, "but I reckon having you there might be nice."

"Yeah? Alright then," I rose to my feet.

"Get Hosea on your side, first. He's the voice of reason, when Dutch'll listen," he advised. 

"Will do. I'll leave you to get some sleep," I approached him and bent down to kiss him. Our lips lingered for a few moments, dancing together and leaving us breathless when we finally parted. "Goodnight," I whispered.

"Goodnight, my darlin'."

[kimonobeat]

aiko bon “Profile interview” Chapter 1 (Part 3/3)

ーWould you say you were a pretty precocious child?

aiko: I think so. In kindergarten I’d kiss other kids in tunnels I made out of cardboard boxes. (laughs) Like, a boy would come from the other end of the box and I’d kiss him. I’d also paint my nails in secret with my mom’s nail polish, or put her lipstick on. One day I was shaving the hair off my legsーI was copying my momーand ended up covered in blood. I tried to hide it by getting the bathtub, but it didn’t really go as planned. That got covered in blood too. My mom caught me while I was toweling myself off and asked, “What happened!?” And I said, “Hm? Nothing.” (laughs)

ーBecause in your head, you were just playing a little game.

aiko: Exactly! But the games I played were games boys would play. Most of the little kids who lived in our apartment complex were boys. I never once had a Licca doll or a Barbie doll. I mostly played outside games: tag, hide-and-seek, kick the can, skateboarding, roller skating, soccer, baseball, softball, catching cicadas, catching sparrows, stuff like that. All the toys people bought me were squirt guns and other ‘boy’ toys. The one ‘girly’ thing I had was a Little Twin Stars moon set. When I was alone inside the house, I used to play this game called “Robot Q”. Or I’d play records on my record player, or read the “Karasu no Panya-san (The Crow’s Bakery)” picture books. I mostly played outside though. I always came home from kindergarten just before my dad was leaving for work, so sometimes he’d ask me if I wanted to go to the amusement park. If I said yes, he’d take me! Once summer came around, he’d take me to the beach and the mountains too.

ーDid you play any ‘girly’ games at all? Like playing ‘mommy’.

aiko: Nope. I played in the mud almost every single time it rained. You know, like making mud pies. I loooved how mushy mud felt in my hands. I never really ever wanted dress-up dolls or anything like that.

ーYou really were like a little boy.

aiko: I was, huh? I liked coloring too, though. You know those things they sell at Volks? The ones where all you have to do is just dot the color on, get it wet, and then you can paint with it? I used to do that a lot. I don’t really remember much about playing inside because I was always running around outside though… Oh, that reminds me! I used to play this game while listening to English songs on my record player where I tried to write down what I thought they were on saying on a piece of paper. I think that was when I was in elementary school? I’d listen to the song and write down the English words in katakana. I didn’t know how to write the ‘tu’ sound in Japanese when writing out the word ‘tomorrow’ though, [because there’s no ‘tu’ sound in Japanese]. I remember really fretting about it. “T… t… huh?” (laughs)

ーI’m sure you played a lot of pranks too, given how lively of a kid you were.

aiko: I did! Well, they were more like games than pranks, but oftentimes my parents ended up getting mad at me. For example, one time I was playing with a pachinko set my grandma bought me. My mom called me, and when I turned around she saw something shiny in my nose. She got so flustered. Turns out my whole nose was stuffed with pachinko balls! She went, “Oh my GOODNESS!” and took all the balls out of both sides of my nose, one at a time. Apparently when I fell asleep that night, I was making a strange sound and breathing really hard all night. She took one more look and saw that I had even MORE in my nose.

ーHow did she get them out?

aiko: We went to the hospital. It was a huuuge ordeal. I kept crying, “Chop (stop) it! Chop it, chop it!” so they couldn’t get them out. My dad told me that eventually he just said, “Give her to me!”, snatched the tweezers from the doctor’s hands, and took them out himself. I used to think that was why my nose is turned up like this. (laughs) My grandma went home during all this hubbub because she was upset. My dad had yelled at her about buying a little kid something like that. I wondered why I didn’t see her around, but that was because she’d gone home silently even though it wasn’t her fault at all. There were a couple of times when I tried to find out how long my nose would bleed too. It was summer break and I had a ton a free time, so I just decided to find out how long my nose would bleed if I let it. It trickled onto my desk and made a whole pool of blood. But then it didn’t stop bleeding even after a long time had passed, so I quit because I thought I was gonna die. Other than that… I ate too much liver once and had to take an ambulance to the hospital.

ーWhat happened!?

aiko: Nothing, I literally just ate too much. (laughs) I’ve loved liver ever since I was a little kid. I had some liver that my dad had chopped up. We were cutting each other’s pieces… my dad totally set me up for failure! I ate a WAY bigger portion than any little kid should’ve eaten and started having convulsions, so they called an ambulance. I remember them taking me to the hospital and crying, “Daaaddy, I don’t, I don’t wanna die!” (laughs)

ーYou were a pretty amazing kid. (laughs) What were your eating habits and favorite foods when you were little?

aiko: My parents were pretty strict about what I ate. They didn’t let me eat a whole lot of junk food. I got to have instant ramen every Saturday, but that was about it. At our house, the only kind of juice I got to drink were the ‘100% fruit’ kind, and the only snacks were like rice crackers and yogurt. Basically, we didn’t eat sweets that much at our house. We really didn’t have anything ‘just for kids’. Aside from them leaving the wasabi off of my sushi, I ate the same exact things as my parents. I got to have a lick of beer almost every day because of that. (laughs) I’d be like, “Gimme!” and I’d get to lick the foam off the top. My dad also brought me to a bunch of different places throughout my childhood so that I’d learn about all kinds of food. So like, I’m serious, I’ve been eating soft-shelled turtle since I was a little kid. They never gave me sweet curry just because I was a kid either. The curry my parents made was nice and spicy. That’s the reason why I like bar snacks so much now, I think. You know, like atarime, nuta, kinpira, ohitashi.

ーWas there anything in particular you really loved or hated?

aiko: I LOVED the omelettes my mom made for me. She put potatoes, onion and sweetened ground meat in them; I loved ‘em. And what I hated? My dad made me eat raw bell pepper he’d sliced into rings and covered with dried bonito flakes and soy sauce almost every night. He’d also make this super sour dish of cucumbers and seaweed in a mixture of vinegar, water and sesame oil. They were so horribly sour that I’d cry like a big baby every time I ate them. I wasn’t a huge fan of nattou or carrots either. And, since I wasn’t used to eating them, I’d feel so gross after eating potato chips because of all the oil. Yeah, you heard me. I was a little kid who couldn’t eat potato chips OR cake. They gave me heartburn. (laughs)

ーSo you didn’t have any cake at birthday parties either, or… ?

aiko: Nah. I’d blow the candles out, eat a little bit, and immediately feel awful. Everyone else would be eating cake while I was off to the side eating ochazuke. (laughs) I like rice and udon noodles quite a bit though. I also loved flour. One of my favorite things to do was make these thick okonomiyaki with just onion in it, almost like a crepe.

ーSounds like you were really big into Japanese food!

aiko: Yes I was. Ever since I was little, any time I went to my grandma’s house I’d just slurp up a bunch of nukazuke. Then, I’d eat dinner with pickled mustard leaves. I really loved umeboshi too. One time I ate 18 of them while watching “Toyama no Kin-san” on TV. (laughs)

ーWhen they said you could eat whatever you wanted, what did you ask for back then?

aiko: I’d say, “Volks”! (laughs) Volks was a reward for me because I’d always ask to go. I still like that place, especially their corn soup. Some Volks locations have a soup bar with consomme, minestrone, you name it. They’re more about soup more than they are their steaks to me.

ーDid you have anything problems eating school lunches?

aiko: The food they served at school was just eh. I was the type of kid who took so long to eat that I’d still be eating while everyone else was starting to clean the lunch room. I was always begging my friends to eat some of my food too. I’d say, “Wow, you eat so fast! I wish could be like you. You’re so awesome!! Mind eating this too?” to get them to eat my food. (laughs) Not only was I a slow eater, they also served a lot of food I hated since I didn’t really like kiddy food… Like, I hated cream stew. I’d never eaten spaghetti with meat sauce either because we only ate mentaiko spaghetti at my house. (laughs) Butter and margarine were too greasy for me and would give me heartburn, so I didn’t like that. Didn’t like milk much either. The thing I liked the most at school lunch was brown sugar bread, or stuff like tangerine jelly cups. I liked their yakisoba a lot too.

ーSo basically, you hated over half of it.

aiko: Yeah, I guess so. But when I was in elementary school, you had to stand up in front of the class and say why you didn’t finish your food at lunchtime. I mean, the real reason I didn’t finish it was because I hated it. (laughs) I’d just lie and say something like, “My stomach hurts, so I left behind one piece of bread.” That was a pretty cruel thing to do, now that I think about it.

ーWas that the only sweet thing you liked? Anything else?

aiko: Ohhh, I used to love eating the warabimochi seller that came every day in the summertime. He’d come singing this song that went “Warabiiimochi, warabiiimochiii, so coooool and refreshiiing, how about some warabimochiii?” His warabimochi melted on your tongue so fast it was almost like water. He also put a TON of kinako on it. I used to love that so much. I still like warabimochi and abekawa mochi to this day.

ーSounds like you did a lot of lessons as a kid too?

aiko: Yes I did, because I told them I wanted to do every lesson that caught my eye. Swimming, piano, English, abacus, calligraphy, and… Kumon, I think? That way I had something to do just about every day. I’m fine at starting things, but then it was hard to find a time to quit, and then my parents wouldn’t let me quit either. Not that I was going to a foreign university or anything, but it was kinda like that: easy to get in, hard to graduate from. (laughs) I did all those lessons my entire childhood because of that.

ーThese were all things you’d said you wanted to do, right?

aiko: The only one my dad made me do was swimming lessons. One of my dad’s friend’s kids drowned at the beach and went into cardiac arrest. They managed to revive him with CPR, but he made me go because he was worried about my safety if I didn’t know how to swim. At first I was so scared of the water that I’d throw a big crying fitー“NO! I DON’T WANT TO!”ーand cry next to the pool. After the third time, I swam so much I’d even cut in line waiting for my turn to swim again. I’d swim around saying, “Mom, look at me!” (laughs) I said I wanted to do all the other lessons besides swimming but would always focus too hard on the way I looked doing it instead of the fundamentals. Like sitting up straight while doing calligraphy. (laughs) I asked to do Kumon too, but I had a ton of homework almost as soon as I started. I really wasn’t sure if I could do it all, but I didn’t want them to get mad at me for quitting, so I just put up with it and kept going anyway.

ーDid you want to do piano lessons too?

aiko: I did. At first, anyway. (laughs) I started when I was 3 years old, and my hands were so tiny that I couldn’t actually play the piano. We just used paper cards instead. Like, the piano teacher would ask me, “What is this one?” and I’d say, “A ‘ti’ in treble clef.” And then they’d ask, “How about this one?” and I’d say, “A ‘mi’ in bass clef.” Just practicing how to read music. I liked when I was eventually to play the piano itself. By early elementary school I’d already learned a lot and was pretty sick of it. My teacher did one-on-one lessons with two Yamaha pianos facing each other. Sounds like a lot of pressure, right? So I’d say my ‘I wanna quit’ feeling was at its peak in first grade. It was like Pavlov’s dogs almost: I got sleepy every time I even touched the piano. (laughs). I was like, falling asleep, drooling on the keyboard while practicing.

ーDid your parents get mad at you whenever you did that?

aiko: Ohhh yeah, they’d really rip into me. If my mom heard the piano go silent while she was in the kitchen doing dishes, I’d hear her stop washing dishes and yell, “AIKOOO!” She’d go back to cleaning when she heard me start playing again. After a little while I’d stop playing and fall asleep… Then she’d come into the piano room and say, “Aiko?” And of course I’d get in trouble. (laughs) I did piano lessons up until I was in 4th grade. I think I got up to doing “Sonachine”. I don’t remember any of it though.

ーDid you hate doing piano recitals at all?

aiko: Maybe. I don’t think I liked doing them much. I’m pretty sure I’d walk on stage to where the piano was, but then I’d skip off the stage when I was done. Like, “Phew, I’m done!” (laughs) I remember everyone laughing at me for skipping back to my seat.

ーYou weren’t really interested in getting attention as a kid, but you didn’t mind getting it, did you? (laughs)

aiko: I think so? I did English lessons up until I was in early elementary school too, but the older kids would always pick on me. They’d ambush me on my way to and from lessons to pick on me. According to my dad, I was real down in the dumps because of it. So he told me to fight back. “If you get in a fight, and something happens to you,” he said, “I’ll take your side.” He said my mood did a total 180 after he told me that. (laughs)

ーWere you the kind of kid who’d get into fights with boys?

aiko: Yeah, all the time. I even practiced how to punch correctly with my dad. Early in elementary school I wanted to try it out in real life just once. I landed a pretty solid hit on a  boy who kept picking on me on the way home from school. (laughs) For a moment I was like, “What have I done!?” But then the boy just got really quiet and went home. In fact, my friends would call out my name so I’d come over whenever they were fighting with a boy. I guess I must’ve seemed pretty manly to them.

ーDo you think that was because there were a lot of boys around you?

aiko: Maybe? All the kids in the apartment complex we lived in at the time were boys. I’d say there were 2 or 3 boys who were about 4 years older than me, a boy who was about my age, and a girl who was a year younger than me.

ーHow was kindergarten? Were you a handful for your teacher?

aiko: Hmmm… I used to say whatever was on my mind, so in that sense… probably. (laughs) I didn’t think twice about saying things that ended up being problems for the PTA.

ーLike, you stood out a lot in class?

aiko: I did whatever I wanted to. (laughs) Oh, speaking of standing out, one time I was the main character of a play we did. It was a story about a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, kind of like “The Ugly Duckling”. In the beginning, everyone’s mean to the caterpillar: “Ew, you’re dirty! Gross! A caterpillar! Shoo!” The caterpillar wonders why it’s so different from everyone else. Then it gets its wings, and it turns out that the ‘caterpillar’ is really a swallowtail butterfly. I was the main character of that story… I really was an oddball.

ーAn oddball, huh? (laughs)

aiko: Yup. But you know, now that I think about it, of course I am-- I’m my parents’ daughter after all. ‘Like father, like son’, right? They’ve got totally different personalities, and I’m a mix of all the good things about them. I think about that a lot. My mom and dad were meant for each other... We used to have a lot of pets at our house even though my mom hates animals. I’m not sure what was going on then, exactly. (laughs) We had almost 100 birds.

ー100 birds!? Can you even do that in an apartment building?

aiko: No, they weren’t supposed to have them. We just kept them a secret. We had an American short-hair cat at first, but had to return it to the pet shop when the landlord found out. But guess who didn’t learn their lesson? We had a Shih tzu after that. The Shih tzu was so attached to our landlord that he just said, “Fine, but keep it a secret, okay?” The whole apartment building became officially ‘pet-friendly’ after he gave us the OK. (laughs) He said he changed it because we were his very first tenants to move in. Soon enough there were so many pets in the building, it was almost like a pet exchange. People were saying stuff like, “Here, I’d like to give you a turtle.” (laughs)

ーBack to the 100 birds you guys had though…

aiko: We had Java sparrows, society finches, canaries, and Gouldian finches; crucian carp, koi fish, snakeheads, ranchu, shrimp, eels, pond loaches, catfish, Japanese rice fish, crayfish, turtles, and crabs in our aquarium; a Shih tzu and a mutt, as well as a hamster and a rhinoceros beetle.

ーA rhinoceros beetle? (laughs)

aiko: Yes. (laughs) They’re always selling them at Expoland whenever I go there. I hate bugs now but was totally fine with them back then. We also kept cicada larvae at our house. I used to watch them emerge from their shells.

ーWhere do you even keep all these pets, anyway?

aiko: Out on the veranda. Which is why their veranda always looked like a jungle, even though it was super tiny. The left side of the veranda was the corner where we kept the fish, the right side was the corner where we had all the bird cages stacked on top of each other. You go inside, and that’s where we kept the dogs and the hamster. The ranchu swam around in the entryway of the apartment. My dad took good care of all of them, every single day.

ーDid you have any pets that were sort of weird, or unusual to have as pets?

aiko: Hm… Well, we never had any reptiles… Maybe the flying squirrel? We also had… what was it… we had piranhas and such too.

ーI wouldn’t keep one of those as a pet. (laughs)

aiko: Well, we didn’t think anything of it! My dad got so excited watching them grow. He had so much fun taking care of the piranhas. (laughs)

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