#you thought tumblr was bad before... phew

[snekdood]

i can tell twitter users are slowly going to make this website so, so much worse, and eventually do the impossible and make it go up in flames

[zorostitties]

Aurora; 12 (m)

⤕ Your existence had been an endless night, where shadows whispered long forgotten secrets. Trapped in a golden cage, your fragile mind and shattered memories were chains that kept you from dreaming of freedom. Then, he appeared with the first light of dawn, like a gentle sun warming your cold skin. In his gaze, the promise of a new beginning; in his presence, the sunrise your soul had longed for.

In which Alucard saves you from Erzsebet.

pairing: alucard (castlevania) x (f) reader

genre: angst, romance, slow burn, eventual smut

warnings: violence/blood, explicit language, mental health issues, grief, physical abuse.

rating: 18+

word count: 8k

A/N: HELLO WORLD!! PHEW. It's been a while. I know I'm posting it at a random hour but I needed to get this chapter off my chest. I explained on tumblr why it took me so long to update. To be honest my cat is still in a bad shape and I'm still absurdly worried about her… but oh well, I needed to post this chapter to think of something else for a while, at least. So it'd be very kind of you to leave a comment to help me not freak out about my cat :)

⤕  Masterlist  ⤕ Also on AO3 ⤕ Playlist

You’re tired of fighting.

Your limbs are heavy, your throat burns, bruises cover your skin. Still, you try to run.

It’s useless. The two women dragging you inside the tomb are way stronger – unnaturally stronger than a human being should be. You growl like an animal, you kick and try to punch and claw anything on your reach. It’s still useless. The piece of cloth tightly wrapped around your mouth prevents you from speaking anything coherent.

The corridor opens to a big hall. The place is ancient, it is brightly illuminated by many torches. Strange paintings cover the walls and tall columns. There is a platform and something that looks like an altar ahead of you. On their sides, there are tall ceramic vases, five on each side. Sitting at the right side of the altar, there is a statue: the body of a female, the head of a lion, wielding a spear.

There is a woman standing on top of the platform.

A violent shiver runs down your spine. You know that woman… she was the first thing you saw when you woke up. If she didn’t exude cruelty and malice, maybe you would’ve thought she is beautiful: her tall stature, her long curly dark brown hair, her full lips and pink irises… but you know better. There is nothing good about that woman except her appearance.

She wears a similar white tunic as the other women in the hall, but is the only one wearing a golden headpiece, a thick necklace and many bracelets. Her expression isn’t cruel and mocking at the moment like you’ve seen her before. She just looks serious.

And there’s that other thing on the altar, too.

It… it resembles a woman, but you’re not sure: as pale as a cadaver, contrasting with the warmer skin tones of all the other women inside the tomb; its hair is long, straight and red, resembling a lion’s mane. The creature is… strangely tall, its arms and legs are disproportional to the rest of the body. It’s completely naked – you see the rags of what probably was its clothes scattered around the altar.

And it looks sick.

It’s way too skinny. Its ribs are very clearly outlined on the skin. Its cheeks are profound; its red eyes have heavy dark circles around them. Its whole body is trembling, its breathing is irregular. It drools like a sick dog.

And they are pulling you towards it.

After the initial shock, you begin to kick and scream again, but it’s still useless. You don’t want to be anywhere near that thing. It smells awful, it’s uncanny and scary and violently unnatural…

The other woman – who appears to be some sort of leader – grips you by the arm and drags you closer to that creature. She is even stronger than the other two who held you previously. She says something in a language you don’t understand.

You scream again. You try to pull your arm back, you try to claw her–

She squeezes your arm.

An agonizing yell erupts from your throat. Tears well up your eyes. Your legs fail.

You could hear the sound of your bones cracking under her grip.

That creature holds you this time. It pants like an animal. Even through the pain, you try to push it away – but it is useless.

Its long fingers entangle around the hair at the back of your head; it pushes it, forcing your head back and exposing your neck. It open its mouth wide, its horrible fangs approaching…

When it bites your neck, you can’t scream anymore; its jaws completely block your trachea. You gag, your eyes pop wide. There’s a suction noise… it is sucking your blood, you realize with horror. Your good hand still tries to pull its hair, but once again, it is useless… extreme weakness roams your body. The world twirls as every bit of strength disappears. Your head hurts as if someone had just hammered it.

Finally, it lets you go. You fall flat on the floor.

Your vision is blurred and darkening. You can’t move anymore. Your arm and your neck hurt so, so bad. And yet, you have time to see something before completely blacking out.

The creature doesn’t look like a creature anymore… its cheeks are not hollow, its limbs are no longer disproportional, body fat and muscles are visible again.

It is indeed a woman, not a thing.

She sighs contently and stretches her arms.

The world fades away.

Notre Dame’s high vaulted ceiling was indeed impressive.

How long did it take to build such a magnificent structure? How many workers were necessary? Who must’ve planned the building? How did they know that something so big wouldn’t crumble? Who must’ve crafted the beautiful stained glasses that colored the walls as sunshine touched them?

You had no idea.

You didn’t know why you were staring at it, either.

Your senses came back rather slowly. Voices… steps… everything echoed within the cathedral. The place you were laid at was uncomfortable… a wooden bench. One of the many you’d seen previously. Now that the place was properly lit by sunlight, it didn’t look as eerie as before.

Finally, you decided to sit up.

The great hall was full. The benches weren’t perfectly lined as before, which made you remember that Jules and the monks had used them to barricade the doors. You quickly realized that the injured in battle were brought inside the cathedral, where women priestesses wearing black tunics that covered their heads helped them (you heard two distinctive words: sister and nun. Was that the name of their position?). You saw them running from side to side, holding bloody pieces of cloth and water basins. Other civilian women were helping with medical aid as well.

No known face in sight.

Immediate nervousness set in your guts. Where was everybody? Why were you laying there?

This nervousness vanished in two seconds, however, when a familiar voice called.

You turned your head to see Charles, Jules and Henri rushing to where you were. You almost sighed in relief; Jules didn’t look seriously injured and Henri’s right shoulder was properly bandaged, though he still looked way too pale and tired. All of them looked worn out, in fact, with their uniforms ragged in some spots and blood stains here and there.

“Mademoiselle! You’re–“

“You’re awake! How are you feeling?”

“I’ll call for help! Sister! Please–“

You immediately raised your palm in Charle’s direction. “No, please. I am fine. I don’t need medical aid, thank you.”

The three boys sat down. They silently battled to see who would take their place by your side – Henri ended up winning. The other two sat on the bench in front of you, frowning at the ginger boy.

“What happened? Where is Alucard?” You asked.

“You passed out, Miss Ruby.” Charles explained. Jules elbowed him and angry whispered don’t call her by her name, you’re not her close friend!. “Mr. Alucard brought you down. After he checked that you weren’t hurt, he let you rest and left to care for the troops… he told us to take care of you–“

“He told me to take care of you.” Jules hissed again.

“He didn’t address you, we were all present at that moment…”

But their incessant arguing didn’t catch your attention, because you remembered someone and it immediately made your heart race.

“Mizrak!” You looked around, searching for his familiar face between the injured. “Where is Mizrak?!”

They eyed each other hesitantly.

“The monk, isn’t it?” Jules asked. You nodded. “He… he disappeared, Mademoiselle. He just weren’t there when we opened the doors again.”

“He might’ve crawled somewhere else,” Charles tried to calm you down. “There are other points in the city were the injured are being taken care of.”

“He’s a strong man, isn’t he? I-I’m sure he’s alright, somewhere…” Henri didn’t sound confident at all, however.

You instinctively gripped the fabric of your skirt. How could he just have disappeared? No one simply disappears. His wound was beyond serious, it needed immediate medical assistance. What if a vampire had dragged him away, fed from his corpse? What if he died because of you?

Which made you remember something else, for some reason. Your eyes popped wide once again.

“My scepter? Where is it?” Once again, you looked at your sides.

“My” scepter. Why did you claim it as yours so instinctively?

It just… felt right to do so.

“It’s under the bench, mademoiselle,” Henri pointed. You rushed to grab it, almost sighing in relief. Something so shiny would definitely attract thieves if you weren’t careful.

The three boys were engaged in some conversation. They were asking you questions, in fact, about what happened exactly at the top of the bell tower, where did that light come from, but you weren’t paying attention, focusing your eyes on the golden artifact instead.

You had already noticed it before – but the staff had a very subtle cone format. It got a bit thinner on the other end.

You brushed your fingers around it. The scepter… it didn’t look that unfamiliar anymore.

There was a small spot on the base of it, near the sun symbol. You pressed your thumb over it.

And then – the staff retracted.

It emitted a soft metallic sound as the entire length of the staff fit into itself. Now, you just held a disk – the sun symbol – that was a little larger than your hand, with ninety percent of the staff reduced to a small handle.

The four of you went immediately silent in shock.

“Wow.” Jules exclaimed. “How did you do this?”

“I don’t know.”

“It retracted perfectly,” Henri said in awe. “It’s an engineering masterpiece!”

They began to discuss between themselves again, and as much as you didn’t really mind their company, they were starting to bring you headaches. They reminded you a bit of a pack of turkeys – if one made a noise, all the others repeated.

“Gentlemen,” your voice immediately stopped their incessant talking. They looked at your with attention. You held the sun disk with both hands and rested them over your lap. “I didn’t have the opportunity to properly thank you all yet. Without your efforts, I would’ve never arrived here… and I don’t want to imagine what would’ve happened if I didn’t. All of you saved uncountable lives today.” You managed to open a small smile while passing your eyes by each of the three. “Thank you so much.”

They got speechless for once.

You watched as their lips curved up into grins. Jules massaged the back of his neck sheepishly, Charles stuffed his chest like a bird, Henri got redder than a tomato. It was funny how these three were only big in size; in your eyes, they weren’t much far from the other three little boys you met in Paris.

You were also a bit surprised at your own speech. A week ago, you would’ve never even imagined yourself speaking with quiet confidence like that… you didn’t stutter once, which honestly felt great.

Finally, you stood up, being followed by them.

“Do you know where Alucard and the others are?”

Of course they knew. Of course they wouldn’t let you make your way there on your own.

The three guided you outside of the cathedral once again talking incessantly. You resigned yourself to replying with short sentences anytime a question was asked, way too focused on analyzing the destruction of the city. There was blood everywhere. The area around Notre Dame specifically was full of night creature carcasses; volunteers worked on grabbing them to throw them in a bonfire nearby. The streets were crowded as citizens helped clean the city, bring down the rubble barricades, measure the damage, or simply went back to their homes and establishments.

It was strange to see everything under the sunshine… and to think that just one or two hours ago, you were running around these streets, trying to survive vampire attacks, feeling the deepest fear you’ve ever felt – and trying to brush it aside. You had managed to, somehow… something unthinkable for the person you were a week ago.

...Had you really changed this much in a few days, or you were simply allowed to be yourself for the first time in your life?

“...What I’m trying to say, Mademoiselle,” Henri’s nervous voice caught your attention for the first time. He sent an angry glance towards the other two before looking at you with expectation. “D-Do you have a house in Paris?”

“No.”

“Great! I-I mean–“ he cleaned his throat and put his hand over his chest. “If you need a place to stay – to spend the night, perhaps – you are more than welcome in my house. It’s not far from here. We have enough rooms and food for you. A-And Mr. Alucard, of course,” he giggled nervously.

You half expected the other two to offer their homes as well, but they didn’t, to your surprise. They just looked at him with what looked like jealousy.

Before you could answer, you arrived at a great square – and you forgot about the three.

“Excuse me,” you said before rushing towards Annette.

The square had many people walking from here to there, dragging rubble or just watching – but you didn’t care. Annette is alive! More than that, she looked fine. The dark haired girl spotted you as well and rushed, meeting you halfway.

“Are you okay? Did you get hurt? Where is Richter?” You blurted out, immediately searching for injuries with your eyes. Annette chuckled and held your arms delicately.

“I’m fine. We’re both fine. What about you?” She quirked one eyebrow up. “I heard you unleashed some terrifying magic.”

She lowered her eyes to the sun disk you held. You immediately avoided her gaze, feeling sheepish. “Well, I… I don’t really know how to explain what happened.”

Annette shrugged. “Neither do I.”

“Where’s Richter?” You repeated and started to turn around. Annette, for some reason, widened her eyes and was about to hold you back again…

“Wait–“

She tried, but it was already too late.

The first thing you saw was Alucard, standing at a good distance.

He was eyeing you intently. Juste Belmont was by his side – how and when did he arrive in Paris? – wearing an elegant long red coat.

When your eyes crossed his, your entire body froze.

What happened at the bell tower…

It felt as if your entire face was on fire. Heavens, you hugged him – you actually hugged him, you entangled your arms around his neck and cried like a child. You certainly were not in your right mind to do something so… so… so…!

But then, you looked at something else – the thing Annette was worried that you’d see – and all the other thoughts ceased.

Your stomach dropped.

A big bonfire was being formed by civilians bringing rubble; it was more than two meters tall, perhaps. In between the pieces of wood, there were corpses – the vampires that didn’t turn to ashes during the flash of sunlight.

And the biggest corpse of them all…

You instinctively stepped back.

Erzsebet Bathory.

She didn’t look like herself anymore. She was even taller than what you remembered, her red hair longer, her face distorted in animalistic traits… one arm had been chopped off. She had many bruises and injuries. Her cheeks were hollow, her mouth wide open in a perpetual expression of shock and pain.

Erzsebet Bathory was dead.

No mistakes this time, Alucard had said.

The sight of her destroyed, lifeless corpse made your stomach twirl. And once again, you hated the effect this woman had upon you even in death, even with you looking at her in that state. It felt like she would suddenly screech and launch herself at you like so many times before. You could almost feel her claws gnawing your skin, her fangs sinking in your neck…

She is dead. She is dead. She can’t hurt me anymore. She is dead.

Annette’s soft touch on your shoulder brought you back to reality. She looked at you with worry.

“Do you remember what I told you?” She asked quietly.

And when we defeat Erzsebet, justice will be done.

You closed your eyes for a moment and sighed.

“Yes. I’ll… I’ll be fine.” You reassured her. You weren’t fine at that moment, but you would be.

Finally, you spotted Richter walking towards you both. He looked very injured – he had multiple burns on both arms, the sleeves of his blue jacket had been ripped. He was limping and looked very tired, yet still managed to open a small smile to you.

He carried a long piece of wood. The tip had been draped with pieces of cloth.

His small smile vanished. He looked down at you with solemnity.

“You arrived at the right time, Ruby.” Richter looked down at the wood he held. “We believe… you deserve to be the one to do it.”

You finally understood.

That was a torch.

You gulped, your body got tense. Even so, you nodded accordingly. You wouldn’t be able to speak even if you tried.

Richter summoned a ball of blue fire in his hand and ignited the torch. You shoved the sun disk inside your vest and held the torch with both hands.

You took a deep breath before approaching the pyre.

The square stopped to watch the scene.

Erzsebet’s corpse was horrendous, disgusting. You decided to not avoid your gaze from it. You bent slightly, making the tip of the torch touch the wood at the base of the pyre. The fire spread rapidly.

You stepped away and watched.

The people at the square cheered at the sight of the so-called Vampire Messiah burning. Your world, however, was quiet. All you could hear were the sounds of the wood cackling, the flames increasing and consuming everything in the pyre. You watched with attention as the fire consumed Erzsebet’s corpse; it burned her skin, her hair, muscles and bones. And a part of you was grateful to be left alone – Alucard, Annette, Richter and the three boys decided to stand away.

Erzsebet was dead. Definitely.

She used to be your world merely a week ago. Everything revolved around her: your fear, your hopelessness, your hatred, your self-loathing, your confusion. You were just a shadow of a person, an empty fragile shell on the verge of breaking apart. She was your world – and your world was dark, cold, bloody and lonely.

Things were slowly changing now.

You learned that the real world also had place for colors. For kindness, friendship, perseverance and freedom. The real world was not a perfect place, but it was vast; and its vastness for sure should have a place for you somewhere – a place were you wouldn’t be hurt anymore.

At that moment, you decided that you would never cry for her again.

You had already cried enough. She had forced you to dedicate your entire existence for her. You knew that your wounds were way too deep to be forgotten, you knew that the scars that would come from them would be ugly and impossible to ignore. You knew that it wouldn’t be fast and easy to overcome your fears and all the disgusting memories she dug into your soul.

But even so, you decided not to cry.

She had taken enough from you.

When her skeleton was visible, you turned your back to the pyre.

Richter was leaning on Annette for support, his arm resting over her shoulders while she hugged him from the side. You approached them hesitantly.

Annette still looked worried.

“How are you feeling?” She asked.

You looked down at your bloody sleeve.

“Disgusting. I need a bath.” Finally, you lifted your gaze again. “A friend of mine can help us out.”

You quickly found out why the other two boys didn’t offer their houses as well.

Henri was the son of a judge, who was apparently intimately tied to the leaderships of the Revolutionaries. His house was far from being as luxurious as the chateau in Machecoul (you figured that if Henri’s father had a house like that, he’d be next in the guillotine line), but it was still bigger and more comfortable than the average home anyway, located at the heart of Paris.

Henri had offered you (and Alucard as an afterthought) a shelter… but you figured he wouldn’t mind if you brought other visitors as well.

Right?

Well, his father certainly didn’t mind. The middle-aged man thanked Alucard over a hundred times, his eyes gleaming as if he stood in front of a golden statue, babbling how he was thankful for his help. Alucard listened patiently, but you were around him for long enough to start noticing his very subtle expression changes.

You remembered his opinion about the leaders of the Revolutionaries…

Well.

The rest of the group was more than happy to have a place to stay for a while, so there wasn’t really what to argue here.

“Stay for as long as you like!” Henri’s father repeated for the hundredth time while guiding everyone inside. “We have enough bedrooms, enough food… well, perhaps not enough clothes, but I’ll figure it out in no time! Tell me whatever you need and I’ll have it ready. All I have to offer is little compared to what you did to save our nation today!”

Alucard resigned himself to offer him a nod.

Before the white-haired vampire could focus on you, you immediately accepted a maid’s offer to get upstairs and have a bath.

...You didn’t know why you were avoiding him. Not exactly. Perhaps embarrassment? You’d never been deliberately touchy with anyone like that before. Well, you weren’t in your right mind at that moment for whatever reason. Maybe you crossed a boundary? Maybe you went too far? Alucard didn’t push you away, however – but he wasn’t one to be rude anyway… at the same time, it’s not like Alucard wasn’t someone that didn’t know how to establish boundaries. The fact that he didn’t push you away had to mean something, right?

He hugged you back, in fact.

He rested his face on your shoulder and didn’t move.

You felt his hot breath on your neck and his large hand softly caressing your back.

For the second time, he held you until you fell asleep.

Your face was burning hot.

Suddenly, for unknown reasons, you felt as if you were exposed again, as if there was a crowd watching you with scrutiny even though there was no one else besides the maid in the room. You felt burning embarrassment crawl over your skin and it burnt almost as much as the strange magic of the scepter. For the first time in your life, you dismissed a maid’s offer to help you bathe and decided to do it yourself.

And then you were alone in the bedroom, but you still felt strange and exposed and oh heavens you were disgusting. Sweaty, dried blood covered your skin. You got rid of those layers of clothes and sat inside the wooden bathtub – it was smaller than what you were used to, the water wasn’t as warm, there weren’t bath salts, only a bar of soap.

Erzsebet chose the bath salts you’d bathe in. She liked flowery fragrances.

And then you remembered that you still smelled of her, that her disgustingly sweet smell was mixed with the smell of blood and sweat, and then you were scrubbing yourself with the sponge and soap vehemently.

You scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed, watching the foam spread over your skin. You scrubbed your arms and chest and legs and stomach and feet. But the smell wouldn’t go away, so you scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. You scrubbed until your skin started to hurt. That pain made you remember the sight of Erzsebet burning in the pyre, the sight of her skin boiling and melting from her bones – which, for some reason, made you scrub harder. You weren’t planning to, but you ended up untying your hair and washing it too, scratching your scalp with soap in frenetic movements because that bad smell was probably in your hair, too.

You scrubbed your own body until you were tired, until the water became actually cold, until your arms hurt from the repetitive movements. You stood inside the tub with water on your knees, the naked upper part of your body shaking in cold, and watched as blood dripped from the scratches you had inflicted on your own thighs. Perhaps… perhaps too much scrubbing. How did that even happen?

You sniffed your hair. Your skin. It didn’t smell of flowers anymore.

Just soap.

So you finally got out of the tub and wrapped yourself in a towel.

When the maid entered the bedroom with a fresh change of clothes, you avoided eye contact with her. She explained that the dress was Henri’s sister’s and perhaps it wouldn’t fit, but she already had a box of threads and needles to make adjustments. It wasn’t an intricate ball gown, but it wasn’t a simple dress either. It had cream and light green tones with pink flowers peppered around the corset and skirt. The dress was light and comfortable. It didn’t require many adjustments.

The maid offered herself to brush and style your hair, to which you politely declined. She probably wouldn’t be aggressive the way you were used to, but… no. Not right now.

When the maid left, you sat in front of the dressing table… and stayed there for a while. Disheveled damp hair fell over your shoulders. It was probably wetting the back of the dress. You didn’t care.

You stared at your own reflection for the first time in days.

The morning Alucard appeared in your life, you were doing just that – watching your reflection. Scrutinizing yourself. You didn’t look different. But, at the same time, there was something different about you – and you couldn’t tell exactly what.

You still had no past or family or name… but you weren’t just a bird in a cage anymore either, nor a lamb obediently walking to its slaughter night after night.

You were free.

It was scary.

What were you going to do from now on? You were actually alone. You owned nothing, and it was pretty clear that in order to survive in this world, you’d need some gold or coins or… whatever the currency was. You couldn’t assume Henri would let you live under his shelter forever and you weren’t innocent enough to not understand what it meant to stay.

You were nobody.

The others? They accepted you because you were a link to Erzsebet’s powers, an upper hand. Now their enemies were dead. They had no responsibility over you… you shouldn’t assume that they would take care of you like you were a child.

As humiliating as it might be, you felt like a child.

What would be your place in this world? Was something expected of you? Would they expect you to get married and have children? Should you find some sort of work? Should you perform some sort of role?

The reflection in the mirror frowned back at you slowly.

A… role?

...

You learned that your blood was valuable to her.

...

“But I am no vampire.”

“No. However, you heal like one. And Erzsebet drank from your blood for a long time, apparently.”

Annette looked at Alucard. “Do you think this was also somehow empowering her?”

The vampire took some moments to answer. “Maybe. We can’t be sure.”

…

That creature doesn’t look like a creature anymore… its cheeks are not hollow, its limbs are no longer disproportional, body fat and muscles are visible again.

It is indeed a woman, not a thing.

…

It took you a long time to realize that there was someone knocking on the door. You got up in a jump and rushed towards it with your thoughts rushing faster than the currents of a river.

It was Henri. He had also taken a proper bath, changed his clothes, and blushed furiously when his eyes fell on your figure. Maybe because your hair was damp and not presentable? Not very lady-like. Perhaps inappropriate. But you didn’t care, the same way you didn’t really pay attention to anything he was saying; his words seemed muffled and distant within the cacophony of your own thoughts.

The bandages on his left shoulder were peeking from under his blouse.

“Henri, would you do something for me?” you interrupted whatever he was babbling before. “But you have to trust me.”

His eyes widened. “O-Of course! Anything for you, Mademoiselle.”

You opened the door wide and stepped aside, pointing towards the bed. “Please, have a seat.”

His face got even redder, if that was possible.

“B-B-But Mademoiselle– it would be inappropriate to enter your room like that, when we’re alone–“

“Please.”

“Of course!”

He rushed in awkwardly as if that wasn’t his own house. You didn’t bother to close the door again – if the idea of being alone with you made him so uncomfortable, it was best to leave it open. Henri sat on the edge of the bed while blinking rapidly for some reason. His breathing also looked irregular. Was he feeling unwell?

“Can you show me your wound?” You asked. Henri widened his eyes again.

“Mademoiselle… hm…”

“Trust me.” You were running impatient.

Henri hesitated, but ended up taking off his coat and pushing his blouse to expose the bandages. You turned around to take something from the dressing table. When you turned around holding a pair of scissors, Henri got pale.

He was a bit of a chameleon.

Henri was about to protest again, but the look you sent him made him gulp and go quiet. You stood in front of him to carefully cut the bandages away and expose the gashes on his shoulder. They were properly cleaned and stitched up, but even so you could still see how horribly that vampire hurt him. If Henri’s head was centimeters closer to the vampire’s claws… he wouldn’t be here right now to change colors anymore.

Henri gasped when you brought the blade of the scissors and cut your own palm.

“Mademoiselle–!”

“Shh.”

He swallowed his words.

You hoped to be right. That had to work.

Carefully, you pressed your bleeding palm over his wounds.

Henri hissed. Your hand moved slowly to spread the blood over the entire surface of the gashes. The sight was unpleasant, to say the least… but it was less disgusting than making him drink your blood.

Please, work. Please, work.

Nothing changed at first.

But then, Henri gasped – and you gasped, too.

Your palm pressed over his wounds – your blood started to glow faintly. It took a strange golden color, as if it became melted gold.

Both of you watched in awe as Henri’s wounds started to heal right in front of your eyes.

He seemed out of breath. He frowned and hissed and you knew he was probably hurting because you knew that feeling. You stood upright and stepped away from him in slight shock.

The threads that were used to stitch the gashes fell over his lap.

Henri touched his own shoulder hesitantly. He pressed his fingers over it, massaged it. There was no sign that it was previously hurt… not even a scar.

You learned that your blood was valuable to her.

Why keep you around? Why keep you locked with guards holding you at all times? Why drag you along anywhere she went?

That was the answer to one of the questions that plagued your existence.

Henri was healed.

Finally, he rose his amazed eyes towards you.

“Miss Ruby… h-how did…?”

Then, he looked at something behind you and got pale again.

You turned around.

Alucard stood by the door, watching the scene with an astonished expression.

You locked eyes. With that simple gaze, you saw that he understood the situation completely.

One piece of the puzzle that hid your mysterious past was solved.

“...Why is he talking funny?” You whispered in Annette’s ear.

She quirked one eyebrow up and looked towards Juste, who stood not far from where you were sitting.

A smirk crept up her lips. “He’s drunk.”

Juste Belmont, Richter’s grandfather who you only saw briefly at his destroyed cottage, swayed slightly as if he stood on water, though the ground at the sides of the Seinne were clearly cobblestones. His eyes were half lidded, his speech slower and a bit difficult to understand. He held a wooden cup full of beer and talked to some unknown men who seemed to be in a similar state as him.

At your obvious confusion, Annette frowned. “Have you never been drunk?”

“I don’t know what that is, I’m afraid.”

Annette looked more confused than you. She eyed the bottle of the (not very good) wine you’d been sharing for the past hour or so. “Well, I’m surprised… given how much you’ve been drinking. You don’t feel anything strange at all? A certain dizziness? A sudden happiness?”

You put your hand over your own stomach and frowned. “No. Was I supposed to?”

She rested her face on her palm. “A normal person would be supposed to… but I guess your healing ability doesn’t even let you get drunk.” A small chuckle went past her lips. “It’s what happens when someone drinks too much of an alcoholic beverage. They lose their senses, get dizzy, sometimes end up saying or doing things they wouldn’t do when they’re sane…”

“Oh.” Funnily enough, you knew how that felt – but it didn’t have anything to do with alcohol… just extreme levels of “sun magic”, apparently. “I didn’t know wine has alcohol. It doesn’t feel much different than juice to me.” You quirked one eyebrow up. “Does juice have alcohol?”

“No. Hopefully no.” She shook her head. It seemed that Annette thought your confusion over some things amused her, much like Alucard. She looked ahead again. “Getting drunk is not always bad, you know. Sometimes it helps you lift your spirits.”

You looked ahead too, back to where Juste and his new friends laughed at the top of their lungs at something you didn’t hear, and silently wished you could get drunk if it’d make you laugh like that.

It was… strange, to say the least, how the night in Paris was so lively. Streets were crowded and well lit, laughter and music filled the air as citizens celebrated. Men, women, young or old – the entire city decided to go outside and have a huge party. It didn’t even seem that a literal war broke out only a few hours ago. Most of the rubble hadn’t even been collected.

It was like no one cared. Which, in your opinion, was a bit heartless, given how many lives were lost. But it seems they were just happy that the person who threatened their freedom was dead.

Well. You should be happy too. More than anyone.

Why weren’t you celebrating with them?

You craved freedom for as long as you could remember. More than that… you craved relief. But turns out, deep down, you never thought that day would actually come, and now that it did, you just didn’t know how to react. So your body and feelings just decided to freeze in this strange state.

The others seemed happy – well, maybe except for Maria, the blonde girl in pink. She talked a bit with Annette and Juste, but resigned herself to be quiet most of the time with perpetual melancholy over her features. From what you knew, Maria had lost her mother the day you met Alucard, so her actions were understandable.

Richter bounced back between talking to Juste and Annette. The black haired girl still seemed a bit apprehensive about something, but other than that, she was much more relaxed than what you’d known of her. And Alucard… he was somewhere. He left the house with everyone, but quickly got caught up in conversation with some generals you’d seen before.

So there you were. Sitting on a bench with Annette by your side, watching Paris celebrate the death of the Vampire Messiah, while you felt that you couldn’t even move.

It was overwhelming. And a bit uncomfortable.

Turns out you hadn’t really gotten used to crowds… it seems it’s not something that would change over just a few days. Many men you met the day before came to greet you with wide smiles in their faces (now that Annette had explained, you figured most of them were probably drunk too). Of course, you were happy anytime you recognized a face – one more soldier that hadn’t fallen. But at at some point… you didn’t want to talk anymore, or force smiles, or try to pay attention to whatever they were trying to say.

So you decided to sit with Annette for a while in this somehow hidden spot. It seemed she didn’t want to mix with the people as well. You wondered if it had anything to do with what Alucard explained about her past and her homeland…

Which made you remember something else – something you’d been hesitating to ask.

You straightened your back and cleaned your throat. “Hm, Annette… can I ask you something?” She looked at you and nodded. “Do you remember what you said or did while… well… while Sekhmet possessed you?”

She narrowed her eyes and looked down, touching her temples with her fingertips. “Not exactly. I remember what happened while I was in the spirit world… but even these memories are a bit vague in some parts. Like the memories of a dream.” She rested her hand back over her lap. “It’s always like that when I wander there.”

“So you weren’t really here while Sekhmet had your body?” Annette shook her head. Your shoulders dropped in disappointment. “Oh. I understand.”

She tilted her head. “Why you ask?”

“Sekhmet said something strange about me.” You avoided her eyes. Although they shared the same face, Annette had nothing to do with Sekhmet and the feral glare she sent you at that moment. “She said I should not be close to her.”

“What? Why?”

“She didn’t explain. That’s why I hoped maybe you’d have a hint… since you shared a body.”

Annette held her chin in a pensive expression. “...I have no idea, I’m sorry. But if I remember something relevant from when I was in the spirit world, I’ll tell you right away.”

You thanked her quietly and looked ahead again. You couldn’t blame her. Annette had asked how that flash of sunlight happened, how the scepter worked – and similarly to her, you had no answers.

Richter was, once again, approaching with a smile on his face. Perhaps that was the little push you needed to move. Whenever he came around, you felt that you were… interrupting. It wasn’t the first time you felt like that around them, but the situation became a little bit more intense. Maybe you really were interrupting, maybe they wanted some time for themselves but didn’t want to be rude.

So you finally decided to get up.

“I’m tired... I’ll head back now.”

Annette seemed a bit worried. “Do you want me to walk back with you?”

Again, you couldn’t blame her for being worried, not after all she had seen of you – acting like a frightened little mouse all the time. You shook your head and managed to open a small (fake) smile. “No, thank you. The house is just two streets away… I promise to not get lost.”

Annette hesitated… but it seems she understood you wanted to be left alone.

“Okay. Take care.”

You nodded and turned around, not waiting to greet Richter. It also made you feel a bit like that frightened little mouse again, but there was another reason why you felt confident enough to walk these two streets alone. The red string around your right wrist. You decided to keep it there, the same way you decided to take the red disk – scepter – with you wherever you went. The idea of it being taken from you was enough to keep you on your toes at all times.

You walked past couples, families, friends, children – talking, drinking, dancing, running around. You wished you wouldn’t feel this disconnected from their reality. No… it was a bit more complicated than that. You wished you had a family, a real past, more good memories than bad ones. Perhaps if you had these things… you wouldn’t feel so distant or lost or empty.

As much as you’d been avoiding to sleep, you assumed that sleeping right now would ease your feelings a bit.

That was when something very subtle tingled on your wrist.

You looked down in time to see the red string untying itself and falling.

Frowning, you crouched and took it from the floor again. Had you accidentally brushed on someone–?

If anything happens, anything at all, untie this string. Mine will untie, too, and I will rush to you.

Your eyes widened.

You looked around frantically.

Finally – you found him.

Alucard stood alone on one of the many bridges over the Seinne not very far from where you were. He was difficult to find at first, but as soon as your eyes locked on him, everyone else became blurred. He leaned both forearms over the stone railing in a relaxed position; his face held the serenity you were already used to. It’s like he was deep in thought. The soft night breeze played with his white hair. He looked down at the river.

His red string swayed with the wind, too. Untied. He held it between his fingers.

Your heart stopped beating for a second.

You stood there, unable to move, as if your body finally remembered how to feel something, how to not be distant. You gulped, gripped the sun disk a little tighter.

Mine will untie, too, and I will rush to you.

Alucard noticed you were avoiding him. Well, it was quite impossible not to notice. He didn’t make any attempts to approach you (you quite literally ran away from him earlier after the new discovery about your blood). But that… that was a very clear message.

A quiet invitation.

So you took a deep breath, trying to calm your stupid racing heart. Why were you scared? That was Alucard. You knew Alucard. He was never mean to you, never made you feel bad intentionally. You had faced a city full of vampires earlier that day… talking to him was nothing compared to that.

To be truly freed is to not be afraid.

You walked towards him.

You didn’t rush. You held the disk tightly, keeping it close to your stomach, the red string tangled around your palm. It seemed that your heart thundered louder on your ears with every step. It was like the world got blurrier and blurrier except for him.

After what seemed like an eternity, you stood by his side.

Two steps away. You looked down at the river, too.

Silence.

You weren’t brave enough to look at him. Alucard didn’t move, didn’t say anything. But… just like before, his quiet serenity enveloped you, made the celebration noises a bit distant.

It didn’t calm your raging heart this time.

It took you a while to understand that Alucard was waiting for you to speak up first. But he called me here. Doesn’t he have anything to say? Why should I be the one to speak first?!

To be truly freed is to not be afraid.

You gulped.

“I…” Your voice cracked a bit. You felt the urge to jump in the river and drown. “I don’t know how they have the energy to celebrate. It… doesn’t feel appropriate.”

Alucard sighed.

“The grieving families for sure aren’t out here.” Goosebumps roamed your skin when his calm husky voice reached your ears. “France is far from reaching real peace in the next few years… let them celebrate for now.”

You nodded, keeping your eyes glued to the river down there. It reflected the golden lights of the lanterns on the margins beautifully.

Come on, don’t be scared. Don’t be embarrassed. Come on. Come on. Come on.

You took what you had kept inside the sleeve of your dress hesitantly.

“A-Actually, I… I wanted to give you this.”

You turned to Alucard for the first time. He was already looking at you.

He looked down at the carefully folded handkerchief you offered him with both hands.

His expressions changed subtly. At first, confusion; then, surprise.

Then… a small smile.

You cleared your throat. “G-Give it back, actually. Since I ruined yours… I don’t know if it’s the same fabric, but it looks similar to the one you had.”

Alucard chuckled and took the handkerchief with care. When his fingers brushed yours, you felt more goosebumps.

“There was no need… but thank you. It is very thoughtful.”

You managed to smile, but turned to the river again before your face started burning.

With the corner of your eyes, you saw him put the handkerchief inside his coat and lean over the railing again. He was not wearing his cape. There was something different about him… perhaps because immediate danger wasn’t lurking anymore, Alucard felt comfortable enough to actually relax, and it reflected on his body and face.

You taped your pointer finger over the sun disk nervously. “How’s your wound?” You blurted out, desperate to not fall in an awkward silence.

Alucard instinctively touched his left shoulder. “Healed.” He looked at you again. “What about you?”

Oh fuck. He was addressing the elephant in the room – your strange state that made you weirder and braver than usual. Please do not mention the hug. Please please please please.

Once more, you avoided his gaze. “...Back to normal, I believe.” I hope is what you wanted to say, but perhaps it would’ve been a little rude.

“Do you have any idea of why that happened to you?”

You tightened your lips and frowned a bit.

You will burn from inside out.

It’s what the unknown female voice told you.

“I believe… I was doing something wrong at first.” You started hesitantly. “The magic. I was conjuring it in an incorrect way. I think my mistake harmed me. Burning me from inside out.”

Alucard hummed and held his chin.

“So it backfires. Magic so powerful should have its side effects.” Alucard seemed hesitant. “If it harms you… you should consider not doing it unless absolutely necessary.”

“No! It was just at first. I… figured it out later.” The thought made you tighten your grip around the sun disk by instinct. “Though, to be honest, I feel that that specific ritual shouldn’t be used in excess.”

Alucard’s eyes followed your grip. He quirked one eyebrow up slightly.

“I was meaning to ask you about this, too.” You handed him the sun disk right away, to which he took and raised to his eye level. “So the staff retracts. How did you figure it out?”

You shrugged. “It just felt right.”

Alucard grinned while handing it back to you. “It seems you’re remembering a lot of things.”

“...I’m not sure. It’s like I told you before… knowledge. Not memories.”

The white-haired vampire leaned on the railing again and looked into the distance. His expression got a bit more serious.

“I was thinking of what you told me. It reminded me of something.” Alucard seemed to hesitate. “...My parents were doctors. Both of them. My father, specifically, had a bit of a fascination for the mysteries of the human brain. He dedicated many studies and experiments to it. Wrote entire books.” Whenever Alucard mentioned anything about his father, it was like nothing else in the world mattered. You were completely focused. “From his many theses… he got to the conclusion that memories and abilities are stored in different areas of the brain. That could be why when someone suffers from memory loss, they still know how to speak, read, write… they know how to function.”

Your eyes widened at each word that left his mouth. “...Just like me.” Alucard nodded. You instinctively touched your own head. “So maybe this part of my brain is damaged?”

“Could be.”

“But why isn’t it healing back?”

Alucard hesitated.

“I believe we’ll figure it out soon.” You wanted to ask what the hell he meant by that, but Alucard decided to change topics drastically. “Talking about healing… did you tell anyone about what happened?”

Oh.

The absolute shocking news you discovered earlier that day, but that seemed pale at that moment in comparison with your nervousness to speak with him.

“No.” You shook your head. “But I was thinking… Richter’s burns are pretty bad. Maybe I could help him… or maybe if I knew where Mizrak is, I could save him...”

“Ruby.”

He put his hand over your shoulder – which made you swallow your words.

Quiet worry coated his features.

“I understand you want to help. But you should also understand that the properties of your blood are extremely rare and extremely valuable. It will put a target on your head again. So… the less people know about it, the better.” He dropped his hand from your shoulder. “Also… if in order to heal someone you end up getting hurt, I don’t see why you should do it.”

“But I always–“

“I know.” He interrupted you softly. “I know you do. That doesn’t mean you should hurt yourself willingly.” Alucard pressed his lips. “...Blood is life, Ruby. Don’t give your life away so easily.”

You sighed heavily and crossed your arms. “I guess you’re right. Henri knows about it, though.”

“He won’t tell anyone.” Alucard sounded way too certain about that.

It was your turn to lean on the stone railing, You looked down at the river. The pacific sound of the non-stopping flowing waters muffled the other noises – uncountable voices and music. You wondered if Alucard attracted you here on purpose… a place where you could focus on a single calming sound.

And perhaps that calmness gave you courage to ask the question you wanted to ask the most.

“What are you going to do now, Alucard?” Your voice was hesitant. Fragile, even… “Erzsebet and Drolta are dead. Your five year mission is over…”

Of course, you knew he and the others had no responsibility over you. You were well aware. And yet, the simple thought of being left alone frightened you. The idea that Alucard would wake up tomorrow and simply go away, and the others would go back to Machecoul, and Annette would cross the ocean back to Saint-Domingue… all of that was frightening.

You wanted to be free, not alone.

And the thought that you might never see Alucard again was even more frightening.

Should you have been attached to him so easily after just a few days? Was that correct or normal? You had no idea. What you knew was that Alucard was the first person to offer kindness and protection and understanding, and you didn’t want him out of your life so soon.

But that was not up to you.

So all you could do was ask.

Alucard leaned on the railing too. He was closer this time. Just one step away, not two.

“I think I should be making this question.” He said softly. “What are you going to do now that you’re free?”

A dry, humorless chuckle escaped past your lips. That wasn’t funny, however.

“I don’t have a family. Or a past, or a name. I don’t know where I came from or where should I go next. I don’t know why my blood heals, why I can read this language, where did this scepter come from… I don’t know anything.” You hated how fragile and bitter your voice sounded, but that couldn’t be helped. “...Is this even freedom at all?”

Alucard kept silent for long, respectful moments.

Then, he sighed deeply.

“There is only one place in the world where we could decode this language.” He pointed towards the sun disk.

You looked at him with a frown.

“There is only one place in the world where we might find out why you heal… and where does your strange magic comes from.”

Expectation bubbled within your chest.

“What place is it?”

Alucard closed his eyes for a moment. It was just a glimpse, but you had the impression that he didn’t really like what he was about to say.

But then, he opened his eyes to look at you – and his golden irises had nothing but kindness and quiet care, and the lanterns cast a soft glow over his features and white hair, and truly – he was so beautiful that it was almost painful to look at.

“My home.” He tilted his head to the sides. “...What used to be my home, at least.” Alucard straightened his back. “I’m making you an invitation, Ruby.”

Your heart raced. Your mouth got dry. Your eyes widened slowly.

“Do you want to… help me?” You, for some reason, sounded amazed. Why is it? Has anyone been more willing to help you than Alucard?

Alucard smiled and nodded – and, at that moment, with that simple motion, he seemed to ease all the worries of your soul.

“I do. I will. Let’s find out who you really are, Ruby.” Alucard rested his hand over yours… and once again, it didn’t burn.

It warmed.

“Let’s go to Dracula’s castle.”

[mer-acle]

yesterday I left an ask where I went into far too much detail about video games, and I spent like 2 hours writing it, but my Internet has been busted recently and I don't know if it went through T^T lmk if you got that or if I should retype it later...

Anyway, i feel like once Athena maybe gets some therapy, and starts doing stuff that she enjoys, she'd probably not get a law profession. I feel like she would like working as a wildlife rehabilitator, or museum worker or something. She would totally like organizing exhibits and telling people about the history of some artwork or something. :D

-🌻

(hopefully my video game ask didn't get deleted from existence. Also shorter ask! I can have restraint sometimes! ;P)

oh it went through I read it earlier :) imagine like all the ??? ever until you mentioned Sims and I was like phew a game i also play XD I will def copy the ask before I answer it so tumblr has no chance of screwing this up.

YES I def want Athena to quit law and start something else once she's a little further along in her journey. The museum thing is a great idea, she would love doing something with history I think, that, something with language, or design methinks. It will be a JOURNEY though because Athena is so heavily about enduring, getting through it, it's not that bad, I can handle it, i put so much work into this and can't quit it now. Ares has been saying she should quit for like at least two semesters casually bc he thought she wasn't happy with it and it's just what their father wants, and then like another two saying she should quit NOT casually because he sees it's destroying her, and my girl is still trying to get through this like she got through highschool... only that her trauma-sponging-without-immediate-bad-effects times are over... Some not so nice things will be happening before she finally makes the right decision for herself...

xx

[fierceawakening]

So I stayed up way too late last night watching a documentary about a murder. The young man who did it was very cooperative when caught, explaining that he’d always been curious what it felt like to commit murder, and killed a homeless man who lived under a bridge because he figured the police wouldn’t investigate the death of a homeless person.

I found it very interesting because, as many of you may remember if you were following me years back, I did a lot of research on sociopathy some years ago, spoke about it on my Tumblr, and promptly got inundated with people saying I was ableist, misunderstood personality disorders and hated groups of people, and particularly misunderstood “lack of empathy,” which according to my research often fueled people’s willingness to abuse or otherwise harm others but according to Tumblr has nothing to do with willingness to engage in immoral behavior.

I cannot say for sure this young man was sociopathic/psychopathic/had ASPD. At the time his only diagnoses were autism, ADHD, and I believe some depression. But I was struck by how closely the young man’s behavior and descriptions of his feelings and experiences matched what I read in my research, especially after years of tumblr telling me that research was cherry picked, outdated, and even perhaps literally hateful made me wonder if I’d misunderstood.

So again: possible I’m very wrong (hell, it could even be that one of his therapists considered and rejected an ASPD diagnosis), but I found it striking, and more convincing than a lot of tumbler where many people self dx and may misunderstand the criteria.

ESPECIALLY given that this particular documentary was almost all interview footage with the young man himself (don’t waive your Miranda rights guys! It’s fascinating but a bad idea to talk!) and his parents, body cam footage, etc. with VERY little theorizing about it. Played very straight, so I don’t think I was led to believe he sounded sociopathic by experts interpreting, I think I was mostly going “wow, I’ve totally read about this before. Here’s what matches this that I read about pretty extensively years ago.”

The crime was quite gruesome. The young man had dismembered the body and was caught because he’d taken the head of his victim home with him, where his mom found it and called 911.

The young man, Brian something, was very frank when police spoke with him. As I recall the interaction, it went like:

Police officer: Hi son. We got a call about something concerning to your parents that they found in the house. Would you know anything about that?

Brian: Probably.

P: All right son. (Stern but calm.) What am I gonna find when I look in that house?

B: A human head and hands.

P, still pretty calm but clearly taken aback: Okay, and why do you have that?

B: Because I murdered him.

P: Phew, okay. And why did you do that?

B: Because I was very curious what it was like to murder someone.

The things that struck me here (and in later interviews, where he very readily admitted to formulating a plan to sate this curiosity and explained that he didn’t particularly want to keep killing, just to know what it was like and now he did so he’d stop), in addition to his very cold emotionless delivery, was this:

I can actually relate to being curious what it’s like to commit murder. “Thou shalt not kill” is pretty much the ultimate social taboo and everybody knows it. That pretty much makes it certain that many humans are going to wonder about it just because we can’t try it.

But! I cannot imagine picking a random person to do it, because that’s a person. They have memories and history and friends and hopes and dreams, even if they’re an unimportant old guy living under the overpass. The thought of cutting all that short for someone just because I’m curious about something is just… immediately and viscerally wrong, so the only thing I can do with that curiosity is, like, write about characters doing it and what I imagine they’d feel, or watch true crime and listen to people like him describe it. Which may not even get me very close, but I can make do, because how could I not?

Which is what I understood lack of empathy to be pointing at, as my research explained the trait.

Low empathy means you see someone you want to hurt or trick or in this case even kill, and you don’t really think about them or their life as a whole. You would have to kind of… on purpose stop yourself and center yourself to remember they’re a person in the same way you are, and hurting them (as curious as you are about it!) is relevantly like hurting you.

Baseline neurotypical levels of empathy would mean that the worse you’re considering hurting the person, the more likely your brain is to start imagining all this stuff and stop you or make you hesitate, unless you’ve overridden it with something like “they’re my political enemy” or “I’m acting for the greater good.”

High empathy would mean you struggle to get as far as thinking seriously about it because your brain just kind of… bombards you with these thoughts of how that’s a person and what hurting them means you’re doing.

Which is what I took my research to be saying when it called low empathy people more likely to be dangerous. If you see a homeless guy and think “the cops are less likely to catch me, as most killers who target vagabonds get away with it as long as they don’t make it a habit,” you’re more likely to hurt him if you want than someone who looks at him and thinks “I wonder who his friends are and what he’s like around them.”

(And yes, he had friends. He worked part time, regularly went to the library and checked out books, and sat outside a particular shop to read them. These people immediately reported him missing and were very sad when they found out he was dead.)

Whether that’s how tumblr uses the word or not this case seemed like evidence for my idea here rather than against it.

Like when they talked to Brian’s mom (who was kind of a fascinating contrast—Brian only really described emotional intensity when he was stabbing the man and “started making animalistic noises,” which again he recounted without emotion, but his mom was understandably unable to stop crying and screaming pretty much the whole time), she reported that he got suspended from school a few times for behavior issues, and when the cops asked what that was, she said that a girl in his class had severe anxiety, maybe PTSD triggers? and would get very scared and upset at loud noises, so he yelled in her ear because it was funny.

And… I mean. There’s nonconsensual sadism there, clearly. But from watching Brian talk I don’t get the sense he’d be animated about it being so funny. That if they asked he’d just be “I wanted to see what she would do.”

Like. Me me me. My curiosity, without thoughts of how sating it affects others at all.

Again, may just be meaning drift and “lack of empathy” refers to something else now as it’s not 1950.

But whatever the right name for this is—callousness? Unemotional traits?—I do think it’s a thing, and I don’t think it’s ableist to give people a heads up that it can be a risk factor for harming others.

[rileyslibrary]

Okay, I have to get this off my chest, or else I’ll combust. Thank you all for the love on the recent Price’s Surprise Cake fic, but truth be told, it was posted by accident, and it was too late when I found out. 🫣

And if you happen to ask how something can be posted by accident, I’m here to tell you that either Tumblr decided to act out, or I absentmindedly placed it in queue rather than in drafts. Since I don’t like blaming my shortcomings on others, I believe it’s the latter. I’ve started using the queue on my main for reblogging art, and I think my brain acted similarly in this case.

Although the story was finished, it needed some minor editing (that I’ve already done), adding a title or a description, and, most importantly, fixing some inaccuracies that still bug me but can’t be altered cause they’re part of the fic now.

So, instead of crying over spilt milk, how about I present you with the inaccuracies so you and I can laugh together: 😅

I wanted to change the fruit tart to apple pie or something that doesn’t need to be refrigerated because who the fuck leaves a fruit tart out of the fridge for so long apart from the part where you get to eat it? Fruit will go bad (you know how already cut fruits taste/smell when you leave them out for too long), tart (that bottom/biscuit part, I don't know; I’m not a baker) will get soggy, not to mention how candles don’t sit upright when you place them in the cream.

Candles. Where are the candles?? Although we do know Price’s age, I wanted to include a sparkly question mark candle that the reader would hand to Ghost along with the box to hide. I thought it would add more to his irritability by seeing that 👇

The timing, omg that still bugs me. Price wants to meet in an hour, and Ghost tells the reader to return in half an hour FOR WHAT?? Why hide the cake in the first place if it’s just for an hour?? Might as well lock yourself in the broom closet with the cake if it’s for thirty minutes. Not only that, but if the reader were supposed to pick up the cake in half an hour, that means they would have to take it with them in the briefing room and therefore ruin the surprise. They’d either have to do it BEFORE the briefing or AFTER, where the reader would run down to Ghost’s office to pick it up.

See? The maths. They don’t add up.

Phew 😮‍💨 Now that I let everything out of my system, I can relax.

[subtle-as-an-earthquake]

phew, ok gonna just ramble for a minute! for the last couple of days i've been getting so caught up in my milex feelings and the letdown after the anticipation that i almost forgot to be properly excited for this trip 🙈 but now that i'm actually in dublin, after listening to arctic monkeys and miles tunes on the flight and getting hyped about seeing my one of my best irl friends from london again for the first time since june, it's much easier for me to put things in perspective, thank goodness!! i'd have kicked myself later if i spent my time here moping (which i've kind of been doing these past two days) instead of being excited about getting to see my all time favourite band play again (twice!!) AND with miles as well, and just have a fun trip with my friends in dublin (even though it'll be raining cats and dogs, but we'll be in the pub most of the time anyway 🍻)

after the london gig in june i really thought that was it for a couple of years, so to have been given this extra opportunity to see them again so soon is insane and an absolute blessing. i'm SO fucking excited, i can't even tell you 😭 these will be my 8th and 9th arctic monkeys gigs to date, and i'm still just as hyped as i was 10 years ago, and i think that's worth reflecting on for a minute ❤️

i'm putting some more musings about the milex situation under the cut for anyone who might be interested in a different perspective, but mostly it's just for me, to be able to untangle the mess that my mind has been in these past few days. also, please know that i'm definitely not trying to invalidate anyone's concerns or diminish anyone's feelings, because lord knows i've been feeling all the things the past few days and all those feelings are very (very) real!

i guess what i just keep coming back to is the fact that arctic monkeys (or alex, really, lbr) asked miles to be the support for these four dates when they absolutely didn't have to do that, and that if there was any bad blood between them then they totally could've asked anyone else. but they didn't, they asked miles! and miles agreed! it's much more likely that the fact that they're not playing together is due to logistics (with the orchestra and limited rehearsal time) and wanting to highlight miles's new album than any personal reasons tbh. they're professionals doing their jobs first and foremost, and while obviously we'd love a display of sentimentality, if that doesn't fit the show for whatever reason then it makes sense they don't give us that. i'm sure it's all been discussed and agreed on between them, and that they're doing perfectly fine behind the scenes. it's true that miles shows us a lot of himself, but alex and the other boys do not, so it also makes sense to me that what miles shares about them/their interactions with him is limited too, much as i'd love to see him gush about them and post bts footage. i always find that i get easily swept up in emotions and conjecture when i'm watching things unfold from a distance, through the tumblr/fandom lens, but i forget sometimes that that is a heavily coloured lens, and that real life is often very different, despite what social media etc. may seem to show. and for me personally, i've noticed that sometimes it's really good to break out of the bubble for a bit and see things from a different perspective, so i'm glad i was able to do that before my shows!

also, on a side note, i've seen some people being disappointed that alex didn't dedicate bodypaint to miles but just gave him a shoutout, but to me the distinction doesn't matter too much. he mentioned miles when he didn't have to, and miles stayed to watch the boys do their thing after his own set, and he didn't have to do that either if he wasn't feeling it. the fact is that recently there have been more and more signs that our boys are actually growing closer again than they seemingly have been for a few years, and while obviously i just want them to give us everything and announce a tlsp reunion and also profess their undying love for each other while they're at it, maybe their doing what they can right now, and they just need a bit more time to get to where they once were. we all need time to heal, or something like that, anyway. i obviously don't know anything, but this possiblity seems just as if not more likely to me than the other option (which would be that any of this is a sign they're growing further apart, instead), so i'm good with that for the moment.

anyway, this is just me talking to myself on the plane and creating some perspective for myself, but maybe someone else might find it helpful too, who knows. in any case, i'm going to do my best to enjoy it all to the fullest!! and while obviously getting to see them do something together would be brilliant, it would just be the cherry on an otherwise already really fucking delicious cake ❤️

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

Hi hello I am, once again, posting abt why Staticmoth makes me uncomfortable because I have a lot of thoughts about it that I just need to get out.

What makes toxic cesspool ships fun, for me at least, is that both characters are equally bad to eachother. Not that they're equally bad to the people AROUND them, that's a different dynamic, but to EACHOTHER. It makes you go "phew thank god they're dating eachother and literally not anybody else". It's SCP containment.

Staticmoth, as presented in episode 2, isn't like that. Like YES, Vox IS just as bad as Val in the sense that he enables Val's treatment of other people and does his own weird shitty billionaire stuff, but everything, and I mean EVERYTHING Vox does to Val SPECIFICALLY that could be considered a red flag in that episode is in response to, or immediately followed up by, Val doing something significantly worse to him. Vox grabs him and screams in his face? Val had already screamed in his face MULTIPLE times, threw a drink at him, and broke his phone. Vox lowkey manipulates Val into not going to shoot up the hotel? Val then proceeds to manipulate Vox into making a public fool out of himself for shits and giggles. That isn't. That isn't fun to watch. Having something that pisses you off leveraged against you to make you look like a fool isn't fun.

Idk, seeing people claim Vox is equally shit to Val just... really rubs me the wrong way. It feels disingenuous at best and victim-blamey at worst. I don't feel like talking about actual domestic abuse right now because A; we HAVEN'T SEEN ENOUGH OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO MAKE ANY HARD JUDGEMENTS ON IT and B; I don't. I don't want to bring serious topics into my shipping takes. Not right now. I just. I don't. HOWEVER, I would like to recommend Princess Weekes' video on mutual abuse, because it's a really good breakdown of how toxic relationships work and gets into the real world stuff that makes Staticmoth iffy to me better than I ever could in a poorly worded Tumblr post I'm writing while sleep deprived.

Oh also disclaimer: this is in no way me telling people to stop shipping Staticmoth. Like I've said before, we haven't seen enough of their relationship to pin down their exact canon dynamic, and until then you can literally do whatever the fuck you want with them lmao. This was just me talking about red flags I've noticed and why I don't feel comfortable shipping them. It's also literally not my place to say what you can and cannot do. Blah blah blah free speech etc if I see content I don't like it's my responsibility to block and move on. Also it would be kinda hypocritical of me because I am a dirty dirty Polyvees stan smh

[inventors-fair]

Status Symbols: EDH Redesign Runners-up ~

Our runners-up for this week are @izzet-always-r-versus-u, @lanabutnotdelray, and @wildcardgamez!

@izzet-always-r-versus-u — Haakon, Rimebound

It was a close one this week, but upon conferring with other judges, I looked at this card and really had to appreciate the creativity of it and what it's asking. Self-mill and processing means you can generate a whole bunch of nonsense to make mana in ways that allow for both self-contained and very thoughtful deckbuilding. Perhaps reanimation isn't as easy as it in with commanders like Sheoldred or The Scarab God, but this is an unlimited-ish mana-sinking card that generates some wild snow builds. Snow is a resource with which I'm not as familiar (aside from the one time I tried to make Tundra Fumarole work in Pioner) but that I respect a lot. This card, naturally, makes it work quite elegantly.

I think that as much as I'm iffy on the life payment, I have to respect the fact that this is an amazing commander that might just not be right for me personally. Seeing people do their self-mill builds would be awesome to check out, and there are cards like Mortuary and Haunted Crossroads that would absolutely shred the meta. A little bit of specific searching with blue for the mill, a little bit of token sacrifice to get the snow, a little bit of aristocrats for the black... I'm not entirely sure what I'd do with this card and that's because it's smarter than me. It's asking for some intricate and delicate builds with which I am unfamiliar. And I respect that immensely! That's what makes this design stand out this week for sure.

@lanabutnotdelray — Vance, Sunray Governor

Yeah, Rakdos steal-yo-man was around and about a little this week. And good for it! I think it's one of my top archetypes that I don't play myself. Only wording change I'd alter is the start of the last wording: "Whenever a player plays a card with a loot counter on it from exile, that player exiles the top card of their library with a loot counter on it and Vance deals 1 damage to each of that player's opponents." I think there's a little necessary specificity? I'm also paranoid about those things, and I also have questions of if they need to be separated, because there are really convoluted questions with damage, redirection, other triggers—like if Laelia plus Chandra's Incinerator plus damage increasers would buff with the exile before damage is dealt and how those triggers interact.

That's a massively specific corner case so let's talk about this card instead. Fun! It's the kind of card that would maybe have fun from Shared Psychosis this week, but also maybe not because Vance cares about the specific kind of counter. Hardly a fair point, though, because Vance wouldn't have to worry about getting other effects to make counters; she's a self-contained pirate where you can throw in literally any awesome effect and then make her work just fine. Increasing damage to your opponents and/or getting other cast bonuses and/or Treasure bonuses is awesome. I love stealing lands from other people's resources in Commander. Does that make me a bad person? No, I'm a pirate. Arr. The point is, I love the chaos that Vance causes and I respect the self-contained nature of these abilities. It's a fine choice to make a commander that builds around itself, basically.

@wildcardgamez — Satsuki, Seasoned Storyteller

I'm glad that Tumblr actually decided to show this image, phew. Anyway! Satsuki old and Satsuki here work quite well together. You get increase all of your sagas, and then when they leave you get to return them with this one. The death trigger on the other Satsuki does make it feel a little rough for Commander, as most legendary death triggers do, but this is for sure a fresher take. The ability to return any enchantment is certainly strong but it's supposed to be that way, so I dig it. Saga commanders are pretty tricky and quite limited; I know there are historic ones, and the one from CMM, and our good friend Tom—but, different spaces, different places.

In my notes I mentioned this in a positive light, but this card reminds me of those Dominaria Commander-specific legends they had with a whole bunch of hyperspecific abilities. You know the ones I'm talking about? Like Archers, Kobolds, life payment... Anyway. I like that for this card. The other thing I want to note is the affinity; I feel that this card could've had it like Reality Heist instead of actual affinity, but that's just me. You could've even done it for each lore counter instead of each Saga itself! But with the lack of generic in the cost... That's clever. That's super clever. I don't think it would click for a lot of players and honestly I would've given it at least on generic pip, but that's really awesome in a nerdy way.

Commentary is half-done, but as you read this I'm knee-deep in nerd retail. Catch you all on the flipside. @abelzumi

[somelokivariant]

more fics based off of tumblr <3

I wrote this a while ago and kinda dropped it, so even if its bad take whats here bc my writers block is making me not touch it again :)

Sirius was in a panic. He was back at Grimmauld place, the air dank and the room dark. This is just a nightmare. I just need to wake up, back home at the Potter’s. 

But no matter how hard he pinched himself, or pulled on his hair, he didn’t budge. 

“REGULUS” the door flew open and Sirius flinched “Why aren’t you out of bed yet? Get up!” Walburga grabbed a Hogwarts uniform, threw it at his head and slammed the door behind her. Sirius looked down at the Slytherin tie in his hand. 

“Regulus???” 

- - - 

Meanwhile, at the Potter’s Regulus Black was woken up by James jumping on top of him. 

“PADFOOOOT. So, were going to pick up Pete next door then head to the station, you ready?” 

Regulus stared in horror.

“HeLLo WaKe UP!” 

“Yes-yes I’m up. Uh, sounds good.” 

Regulus found a Gryffindor uniform, put it on and looked at himself in the mirror. Or, looked at Sirius in the mirror.

“What an amazing first day.” 

Regulus was standing with James Potter, Peter Pettirew, Remus Lupin and Effie Potter waiting for the train. 

“Now you boys be safe this year! I don’t want any owls from McGonagall, okay?” Mrs. Potter took turns holding each of them by shoulder before pulling them into a hug, and a kiss to the forehead. She was warm. Regulus found she showed these four boys more love than Walburga has ever implied in his life. He thought of how Walburga told him basically the same thing every first day, yet something so different. 

The four of them found a compartment together and Regulus watched Mrs. Potter wave until he couldn’t see her anymore. 

They've been moving for a couple minutes now, and James must have noticed him staring out the window. He leaned in “Hey, everything alright Pads? You’ve been kind of quiet.” 

Act like Sirius. “Yeah of course James! Just a little tired still.”

“Moony’s rubbing off on you!” He laughs, “Well quidditch is gonna start soon, and you know, early bird gets the worm!!” 

“Ugh James stop!” Remus said from the other side, moving the conversation on. Phew.

- - - 

Sirius was dressed in Slytherin attire (lord help him) and holding his trunk at the entrance to the dining room. 

Walburga sat there with her coffee (black as her soul and her last name) and stared at him. “You’re going to be late now.” she said deadpan.

Sirius felt like his scared younger self, his voice wavered, “Are you not coming?”

“Are you a child?” 

“Um, no?” 

“Then no.” She said as if he could have come to his conclusion on his own. 

Ok-a-y then. So Sirius just turned around ready to leave.

“You’re the only Black heir Regulus. If I get any owls from Slughorn they better be good.”

Sirius just nodded. He found platform 9¾, boarded and found an empty compartment. 

I need to find Reggie… (or me-?)

Just as Sirius was about to go track down himself a fair girl with even fairer hair entered his compartment. 

“Reggie!” She sat down and her hair seemed to flutter around her, her and her blue robe. 

“...Pandora?” 

“Yes, how was your summer?” 

Sirius thought of his (which was great), then of Reggie, “It was alright, how was yours?” 

“Mrs. Black alright? Haha. Mine was rather nice actually, I foraged mushrooms!” 

“How cool.” 

Sirius ended up talking to Pandora on the train ride, she was an odd girl, but really nice.

Now he sat by himself at the Slytherin table. It was actually really crowded, someone pushed up against him on either side, but without his friends it felt like he was alone. Here he only got a polite wave from Barty Crouch Junior (shudder, he was odd) and Evan Rosier.

It was proving to be harder than he thought to see Remus’ giraffe head or even hear James and himself from where he was. Eventually he slumped down and picked at his now cold food. He figured he’d have to fix this after the sorting ceremony. 

- - - 

Over at the Gryffindor table now, James nudged Regulus as the first first year approached the stool.

“Oi, what's this one gonna be?”

“What?”

“What house?? Reckon Ravenclaw? He looks nerdy-ish.” 

Regulus watched the small boy sit on the stool. Maybe a little studious looking, but he had a warm feel to him, he looked at the room with doe eyes, as if seeing a glow. “Hufflepuff.”

“HUFFLEPUFF” yelled the sorting hat.

So Regulus joined their game, and got every student right.

“Hey!” James said in a brotherly accusing way. “When’d you get so good at this?” 

Sirius never teased him like that. He softly held his shoulder as James shoved at him. 

The four boys were now up in their dorm room. Regulus found Sirius’ record player, and put one on while they settled their things. Though it soon led to the three of them goofing off and Regulus watching them.

“So guys, pranks this year?” said Remus.

Chaos erupted. 

“As our last year, we need to go out with a BANG. I have the BEST idea-” 

“No prongs your ideas always lead to shit-” 

“They do not! You're mistaking me for your boyfriend over there.”

Remus presented his plans. Which Regulus appreciated were fairly thought through; made to work around the full moon, perfect duty and mostly, getting them alibis. 

Regulus looked at the other three boys sprawled on their beds, over at Sirius' record player now forgotten and spinning in the background. He was starting to smile a bit, he had eaten until he was full for once and he rather enjoyed Lupin's comments. He needed to fix this for Sirius.

So he excused himself, and snuck out of the Gryffindor tower, and towards the dungeons. 

There he found Sirius also escaping.

“Reggie!” He whisper-yelled, “Regulus is that you?”

Regulus pulled him into a smaller dark hallway. 

“Yes, now stop being so loud about it!” 

“Regulus fix us back now! The Slytherin dorms? They're dark, and cold, and damp and my hair can’t take it, do you see? It’s limp!” he sobbed. 

“That’s my hair Sirius.” 

“Well I feel bad for you then.” He went silent, but didn’t say anything more. 

Regulus thought about how this was the first day since first year that Sirius hasn’t come to school with James attached to his side. 

“We need to get our own lives back.” 

The two of them walked in silence to the library, Sirius sneaking them in and Regulus leading them through the many aisles. He maneuvered around like he lived here. He basically did.

They found some text books on transformations, transfigurations, replacements and switches. They each sifted through their own book with only the occasional sound of a page turning. 

Regulus looked up at Sirius- at himself. Concerningly thin, eye bags, as Sirius said, limp greasy hair. 

Sirius noticed him staring, “Reggie… Is every day like this for you? The way mother looks at you, riding the train alone, eating in the great hall like no one realizes you’re there?” 

Regulus wanted to tell Sirius everything. As a little brother would. How it is kind of stressful. Cold. lonely. But that he managed. He wanted to tell him how he understood why he left him. How Sirius made a nice life and family for himself. How he actually liked his choice of boyfriend. How he was happy that his big brother was happy. That Regulus would be okay. 

But they were never feelings-sharing brothers were they? 

He just looked back down and kept reading. 

Sirius seemed like he wanted to talk more.

“I met Pandora today. She seems nice.” 

Regulus’ heart hurt at Sirius’ effort. 

“She is.” 

Regulus’ heart hurt more at how lousy he was at this. What would Dora say to do?

“I’m happy for you Sirius.” He plowed straight through Sirius' confused look, because skip the painfully awkward small talk, he was here now, and he’d probably never be here again. 

“Everything you have. The perfect life. Perfect family.” 

“It’s not perfect-” 

“But it’s yours. And it's more than either of us could have ever wished for. And you got out.” Sirius couldn’t argue with that, he looked down. Regulus lowered his voice. “You’re out. And I’m okay.” 

They sat in more silence, this one heavier, with all their feelings in the air. It was honestly disgusting. 

Sirius broke the ice, “I found it. A soul swap? ‘...wake up in another's place, with their life and appearance, but your own consciousness…’, that seems right? Oh there’s a little clipit here, I think it’s on the counteraction? ‘Reparatione per epiphaniam et appreciation’.”

“By epiphany?”

“Welp Regulus I understand how depressing and gray your life is, understand how amazing mine is so I can return to it.” Sirius said playfully. Regulus didn’t respond. “Or… a reversal? You know what? Let's just repeat it backwards. Whas the worst that can happen?” 

“We switch bodies too?” 

“And our consciousness is in the right body. Boom.” 

 Regulus couldn’t think of anything better, nor how this could cause the end of the world, so both him and Sirius found an incantation and recited it, holding on to each other's forearms.

They finished and looked at eachother. Nothing changed. 

“At least we're not dead,” said Sirius. 

Regulus just nodded. “So what now?” 

“We go to Dumbledore.” Sirius said obviously. 

Regulus panicked a little; he couldn’t have a letter go to Walburga. But, what else were they going to do? They agreed to meet and go straight to his office tomorrow morning. So they packed up the books, and left the library in opposite directions. Everything will be fine, he told himself. I didn’t do anything wrong. Mother will understand. 

- - - 

Sirius woke up glad to find his own hair on Gryffindor red pillows. He sat up to see James’ bed already made, Peter making his, and Remus’ untouched. He bolted to the common room to find him passed out on the couch.

“MOONY. MOOOOONY.” 

“What? What!?” It’s only been 24 hours, but to Sirius it felt like eternity. 

He remembered Regulus. 

“I have to go.” He left poor Moony dazed on the couch (he’ll tell him everything later). 

He made his way to the entrance of Dumbledore's office to find Regulus already waiting. 

“I guess we don't have to do anything right?” Regulus looked kind of relieved. (Sirius wondered if it had anything to do with Walburga).

“I guess not.” 

They stood in awkward silence. 

“Alright then.” Reggie made to leave.

“Wait-” Why did he say that? What was he going to say? He didn’t even need to answer that question. Regulus seemed to understand what Sirius felt without the words. Sirius grabbed Regulus' forearms the same way as when they tried the reversal yesterday. (Sirius thought of how a dark mark could be under his hand, but quickly shook the thought away)

 Reggie just gave him a sad smile, his voice quiet again.

“Go live your life.” 

Sirius looked at his baby brother. Seeming not so baby anymore. He ought to acknowledge Reggie in the halls (he felt bad for the amount of years they went without so much as a wave or smile). Because he needed Reggie to know he wasn’t completely alone. 

At the moment, they went without a proper goodbye, they just parted ways. And carried on to class. Like none of it happened. 

But Sirius knew it did. Regulus knew it too. 

And there was a mutual feeling for each other. Though neither of them knew exactly what that feeling was. 

They truly appreciated each other. 

[mi6-cafe]

007 Fest 2023 Survey Results

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, but thank you all for participating in this month-long celebration and for giving thoughtful feedback in our survey. Our incredible team of Cafe volunteers met this weekend to go through all of it and we have lots of ideas for changes based on your feedback. We are by no means done coming up with ideas, but here is our annual survey analysis.

Communication

You all loved the all Fest channel in slack so we’ll be keeping that again for next year. We also decided to freeze the Fest-related channels in slack at the end of August. (More on this coming in slack as we figure out the different options for doing this.) We also acknowledge that Fest is spread out across a lot of different platforms. Next year we will lean a little more heavily on emails for the crucial information throughout the month, and also be more clear about where to expect different types of announcements.

Team Leadership

As always, Fest could not run without amazing leaders! We changed things up this year by having both captains and cheerleaders and your feedback indicates that we should keep this! If you were a team leader this year, we’ll be reaching out later in the year to help us create a new document to further clarify expectations so that we can give a much better orientation to leaders next year.

CAT prize

This year we offered a special Cool, Awesome Teammate prize. There were many great nominations, but there wasn't one person who was a clear stand out above the rest. So rather than us trying to debate between people when we obviously aren't on every team, we are electing not to award one person this year as the stand out. We are, however, still passing on all those nominations and shout outs to the people they were about so that they know how much they are appreciated!

Changes to Points

You all voted on tumblr polls counting as one point each. You also voted to increase the bonus stacking limit to 3. We will also be working throughout the year to make changes to the word count divisions, add new higher point categories, and increase the point value of social events like watch parties

Roleplaying

We have comments about this each year in the survey, both good and bad. We’ve had to adjust our suggestions for the roleplaying aspects across the years, but for next year we are putting a stop to all roleplaying aspects, pressing a reset button of sorts. We know for many of you pretending to be in the spy world is fun, but this year the complaints which stemmed from it far outweighed the compliments. As a team of mods and volunteers, we have a few little details to work out, but we want to be clear on our expectation of no roleplaying aspects to the Fest next year. After 2024, we will reassess.

Team days

Along those lines, team days will also stay retired for another year. However, your feedback indicated that what most people missed was the collaborative spirit that often blossomed when a challenge was issued. So, we are going to work hard to incorporate that in other ways throughout Fest. (If you have ideas for small challenges which require teamwork, let us know!)

Big Format Changes

This is a little vague, but your suggestions inspired what we hope is a great idea to shake up the format of Fest. It will de-emphasize some of the competitive aspects, and also increase the focus on the other ways to contribute, like doing beta work and attending watch parties. We have lots of details to work out, but we’re excited.

Speaking of, we’re going to use the tag #007 Fest Change Log to let you all know about changes we’re working on throughout the year and occasionally use tumblr polls to ask your opinion. 

Phew, that got long. Tl;dr You all had great feedback, the team is working on changes big and small, stay tuned for exciting announcements! 

And stay tuned for LDWS coming up very soon!

~Your Cafe Mods,

Castillon and Linorien

[pathologicalreid]

for the fear of falling apart - part five!!

first of all I want to say that I this series is one of the most well written pieces I‘ve read for spencer!

I‘m in love with jareau!reader, they will always have a very special place in my heart and how you‘ve written the concept, the difficulties, the relationship between reader and spencer and the relationship between jj and reader is sooo perfect and well thought about.

“Why are you going to stay here, JJ? Do you want to stay at the hospital for my sake or for Spencer’s?”

gagged her ngl.

…but you didn't have the gracefulness to coddle her anymore.

this part. I love how reader made it clear that yes they are sisters, that’s unchangeable, but them being friends? not gonna be like before.

the comparison with the broken vase was so good, it can be fixed but the cracks will stay.

“Oh, for years in his letters, he’d always talk about you. Even before you started dating – it was always about you in a way I’d never heard him talk about anyone,”

yeah spencer was head over heels for reader since day, love this little part so much, also diana remembering all the letters must mean that reader really was a highlight in those, making her trust reader so much is chef’s kiss!!

also!! reader pregnant and spencer already instantly being protective and asking if they checked if everything was ok and them asking him if he was happy because then they could feel happy about this ahhh

it‘s a girl. calling it right now it‘s a girl because!

“A little kid. A girl…“

“…maybe the little girl is a manifestation of hope.“

like hello? it has to be a girl!

Margot thank you sooo much for writing such a meaningful and beautiful series!

and if you ever decide to write a little something about how spencer and reader are adapting to being parents, or about how the pregnancy is going or whatever comes to your mind I‘d take it, I‘d read it, I‘d love it.

also in general I‘ll be excited to read whatever you come up with next, it‘s gonna be just as good! <33

omg opening tumblr to this i died dead im on the floor

i so badly wanted to make the relationships in ffofa feel real and i'm so happy to see that people have recognized that and YOU my beautiful anon have recognized that and i love you for it

but actually reader sitting at spencer's bedside and begging jj to be a better sister. phew.

the voices in my head were telling me to give jareau!reader and spencer a baby so bad like i absolutely had to do it. canonically spencer wants children so badly it feels like the best way to give him a happy ending.

i'd be sooooo down to write a "where are they now" kind of thing for jareau!reader and spencer but also part of me wants to build on their relationship. if they got together in between s7 and s8 that's a lot of lore that we missed before we first meet them in ffofa.

anyways anon i love you you're the light of my life this is such a beautiful message

[misc-obeyme]

🪿anon here Hey hello! I thought I put in another ask before the one you replied to, but I think tumblr ate it somewhere between you and me. So sorry about the confusion, you didn't miss me at all. Your reply was lovely and I loved reading about your headcanons, especially how Mammon would totally biff people with his wings. Ask game time tho! 🦈 What is the character you have the hardest time writing? And as a bonus, if you're up for it: 💛 What's an impactful lesson you've learned about writing? I'm a fellow (and often struggling) writer and I love hearing what other people have to share, especially in the fandom space. Honks and hisses! 🪿

Ahhh okay, that explains it! Tumblr has been known to eat asks on occasion! Phew, I'm glad I didn't miss you! I'll go ahead and add your emoji to the list now!! Ah, I'm glad you liked my reply too I felt bad that it was so lengthy lol.

🦈 What is the character you have the hardest time writing?

Siiiiigh it's Levi. I'm much better with him now than I used to be, but I really struggled with him for a long time. His anxiety really reminded me of myself irl, so I had a hard time separating the anxiety of his character from my own. And this was an issue for me because it messed with my characterization of him.

I also struggle with Mammon sometimes. This is because I think the fandom's version of him and the canon version of him are different. So my brain is always flip flopping between them when doing his characterization. And I was so worried about writing him OOC that I would just kinda... not write for him much at all? But then I kinda reconciled it by deciding I was going to write my version of him and just own it! LOL.

💛 What's an impactful lesson you've learned about writing?

Ohh an interesting question! I would say the understanding that there is no "right" way to write a story. You get to decide what works for you. Even if a lot of other writers swear by doing this one thing, you only need to do it if it actually helps you. Otherwise, chuck it!

Specifically to fandom things, though, I would also add that having fun is the most important thing. How other people react to your writing is not an indication of how good it is. Things like how active a fandom is, how popular a ship is (if you're writing a ship), how many people are looking for this specific genre (e.g. fluff, angst, etc), all of that is going to impact how people react to what you wrote. You might have written the most exquisite novel length fic ever, but if it's about something not a lot of people are interested in, you might get only a handful of comments/reblogs/likes etc.

So the important thing to focus on for fanfic is how you feel about writing it. Write things you enjoy, write for yourself. You're spending a lot of time and effort and energy on that story. Make sure it's one that you're proud of, no matter how people respond to it.

I'm writing Arsenios's story and it's been such an amazing experience. I absolutely love it and I'm throwing my whole heart & soul into it. But OC stuff rarely has the same engagement as canon. So when I finally start posting it, I won't be surprised if it doesn't do very well, especially compared to some of my other stuff.

But the thing is, it won't matter. I'm writing that story because I love it, because it's fun, because it makes me happy. So how well it does or doesn't do won't impact the experience I got out of writing it.

OOF sorry to ramble so much, but I hope that makes some sense! I just think people get too hung up on numbers and things (myself included lol) when really that's not the thing that matters most!

Ahaha but I could write about writing all day... I guess it's my special interest. :)

Anyway, thank you for asking!

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

[kafkaoftherubble]

这次又滚去哪里了：春节篇

Happy to report that it is now 初十 and yet no major conflict had happened! Neither did anything bad happened during 除夕、初一、 初八。This is a triumph for all of us! An indicator that Past Lyns' effort and action had not been in vain!

... Phew. Not that I can rest on our laurels, of course. One should never mistake anything as permanent, hahaha!

Oh, I wore my first ever hanfu! Or at least, modernized hanfu...

初一

Yo, guys! We finished Ajin on this very day!!! Ain't it swell?!

Wait, maybe that's why I had that stupid dream—of opposing Sato by trying to drag Kei out of his retirement with Kou's help—this past Saturday night. I'm angry because I couldn't interact with Kei properly with my persuasion game before I woke up, but I don't really wanna admit to that... Also where is the yellow text color option, Tumblr? WHY ISN'T IT HERE WITH ME ANYWAY WHAT WAS IT AGAIN?

It was mad fun talking to friends while getting in a preparatory frenzy for the rest of the event. Okay, fine, one of them was just that useless horny JJK-harem sister.

The cost is missing that morning's Ānāpānasati practice. Shh! Don't bring it up too often around him! I don't want to see That Glare.

Went to the usual place. The Wat we've been going to since we were kids.

This hanfu is so wispy and not at all warm or stuffy.

Guys, I'm telling ya, we are soooo finding ways to incorporate this for this year's conventions. Probably some sort of mix-and-match in the end—that's how we always roll! A vest and a bolo tie? That puffy skirt? A combo that falls between being fashion-approved and "Only you will think this is good"...

"Fake Flowers and Me" is the best combo ever.

Background: you can see the entrance gate. Oh! The shrine for a pair of Thai ancestor spirits was blocked from view.

Foreground: Sister accidentally took a picture of me mocking Gojo Satoru's Murasaki technique.

This wat was originally fully Thai, but Chinese visitors and elements gradually cropped up (which is really no different from how it's like in Thailand). Compare the architectural difference between the shrines in Fig 1. and Fig 2. Both re within the same compound.

Fig 1. Background: The shrine at the back is for 观音 (Guanyin), hence the obviously Chinese architecture. However, a bit closer to me (but behind the trashcan) is 孙悟空 (the Monkey King). Not taken within the frame of the picture are the other three main characters in Journey to the West.

I was supposed to mirror the Monkey King by looking at the other direction, but it just looks like I was adjusting my sunbonnet...

Fig 2. Background: The one at the farthest back is the main shrine of the compound. Their main Gautama Buddha is housed there. But I'm old enough to remember their actual oldest resident statue, though—he is now housed in the shrine right next to me in the foreground.

----

Anyway, as per our New Year tradition, we went for archery. I mean, yea sure, we always come up with an excuse to shoot. But hey, I was wearing something that she imagined to be really cool with a bow. Was sure would look so swell!

But first!

Look at those magnificent eyebags! Premium grade. As immaculate as Yuta's! Truly my best features. Anyone who cannot see the beauty of these bags do not understand my appeal.

Er, why were my veins popping?

I looked so fucking swell!!! If I were 2 meters tall, I could be mistaken as the 8-foot tall Woman in a festive mood and a bow, right? Right?!

The music was annoying, but I shot pretty okay. Still had so many moments of shooting wide, though. I just can't seem to aim well. I always suck at the things I claim to enjoy, haha!

Also, the people working in that range thought I was "cosplaying" and asked me why I didn't celebrate Lunar New Year instead. I told him I was celebrating. This outfit is part of it!

And then another one came to ask how old I was. No one... believed me when I told them I'm 28. Apparently, these people had headcannoned me as "just 20 years old."

We really are in that liminal space when it comes to age. On the one hand, we're often one of the oldest in the bunch we're associating with. On the other hand, people mistake me for someone way younger, and sometimes, younger than my youngest sister even though I'm gonna be 30 soon.

Do I really ooze that much childish aura?

At least those people didn't think I was still in high school. Like that other time...

-------------------------------

初九

Went to the heart of the metropolis to check out that new elite mall for rich kids and tourists. But honestly, it was more of a romp in my favorite part of the city.

Went to an aesthetic bookstore; finally found a good old Chinese New Year staple: goddamn Fengshui books.

The MRT station sure looks like an airport, but many MRT stations look like this. Monorails had the oldest design—and are the slowest. LRT stations are the ones we're most familiar with; they are kinda like the most typical train stations with roofs.

Yea. Sis really went for a headful of hair redder than even Sukuna's. Throughout this week, she had been Makima, Ariel... and that Wendy's girl.

This shop really captured the demography the mall caters to. The most "affordable" food in this coffee shop is 25MYR, which upon payment gives you... a piece of toast.

Their fish n' chips cost around 150MYR! I've eaten decent fish n' chips for 15 MYR, bro. The dory fish served had gotta at least dated Timothy Chalamet for three days, otherwise I don't understand the price.

Looks like it's an "experience" though. I mean, look at Fig 2! It's so opulent inside.

Sis is sure that there is now a new way to brag among us Malaysians. "I went to ___ to buy some toast!"

There were several people wearing hanfu today, but most were women. A man looking this hella good in it though? Amazing.

I kinda wish I could make someone wear this so I can see how fucking handsome they must be! Hee hee hee.

It was quite a humid day, and Sister kept complaining about how hot she felt. And then she would comment on every single person who passed her by, rating how hot and stuffy their drip must rendered them. "Wow, a hype-beast kid? That thick hoodie? Mm-mm. 9/10, Stuffy As Fuck."

The difference between us is this. While looking at the central tree in the background:-

Lyn: Huh. Looks like someone can meditate under it.

Sis: Really? I was thinking someone could hang themself from it.

Lyn: Ooh! You are so right!!!

Sis:

------

Walking in the City

I was about to take a picture of the guy "pulling" his milk tea, but I failed.

Strange people in a glass container? Under this weather? With what seems to be lackluster air-conditioning?

Sister immediately rated all of them as 10/10, "That ain't their skirts; it's their melted skin."

Here's our own three-way intersection area.

Just the back view of today's drip. Was wearing that Sato Cap. Mixue's lemonade was really good.

Had a funny gait, Sister said. Also, "9/10; are you sure it doesn't feel like a sauna inside? You're also wearing a hat and a mask, dude. You're insane."

We also, by happenstance, encountered not one but two lion dance occasions! Can't upload the videos because Tumblr said "only one per post."

They were nice.

The food we had was nice.

I like rambling. I like to walk.

We had fun.

[karasunology]

❝ OH, YOU'RE JEALOUS ❞ + ❝ THAT'S KINDA HOT ❞ with SAKUSA KIYOOMI !

"Oh, you're jealous" and "that's kinda hot" with sakusa freaking kiyoomi because I love my side hoe and I'm betraying akaashi so let's not guilt trip ourselves 😌🤧  love your work, I would've added a meme but you can't add pictures soo 🤷🏽‍♀️ 😳 - akaashiiguess 

❝ ― submitted by @akaashiguess <3 ❞

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ sakusa kiyoomi <3

[ trigger warnings ━ none ]

-ˏˋ ✉️ REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

⇣ please read the RULES before requesting.

✎ . . . request a prompt from this prompt list and i'll answer 'em !

[ ♡ ] tumblr?? deleted this?? for some reason??

SAKUSA KIYOOMI.

➜ sakusa was not a jealous person, persay; because even to him, he would describe himself as more protective than jealous

➜ protective in a sense that would never let you eat something if you haven't washed your hands, would always pull you near him while you guys share an umbrella when it's raining, would not let any guys touch you because guys other than him and komori = germs = disgustang

➜ you guys started dating after a few months of getting to know each other when you first joined as an assistant coach and manager for the msby black jackals.

➜ you didn't really get his attention the first time he saw you, but when he heard you scold bokuto for laying his face on the gym floors, emo mode activated and ongoing, commenting about how dirty the floor was ─ and he just sukusa.exe stopped right then and there

➜ sakusa wasn't an affectionate man in the start of your relationship, which he seemed more a close friend at most.

➜ at first it bothered you, doubts were appearing, lingering; was this all a joke? does he even like me? am i just clowning myself?

➜ but as time moves forward, so does your relationship with him. as now, believe it or not, you could hold hands with him without him shrugging it off. he'd also pat your head, and you knew the art of intimacy of knowing things that not a lot of people knew about him.

➜ it was a small improvement, it was gradual and slow burn. but it was better than nothing, and seeing how he was actually making an effort made you even more wrapped around his fingers ─ it was one step closer to the goal, and you were beyind satisfied with it.

➜ but mentioning how wrapped around you were in his fingers, he too was also a goner for you. especially seeing how patient you were and encouraging you were with him and how you didn't pressure him into doing things he wasn't comfortable doing yet ─ mans knew he was falling, and he was falling HARD.

➜ he was wondering how you were already satisfied with it, and for a few moments, he was satisfied with how things were already.

➜ so why does be feel like shit whenever he sees atsumu hanging around you with lingering touches for too long? helping you around, and you smiling along wuth him as you would playfully touch and push him around.

➜ sakusa knew he doesn't have any right to be jealous, seeing how you probably wanted to do that with him but you were too constricted by his bounderies and he felt bad. felt bad for you, and felt bad that he was feeling jealous of you and atsumu.

➜ maybe because he knew you deserved better.

➜ you noticed that he was silent, too silent. speaking volumes to you as he was never that silent before. you wanted to go to him but you were being dragged by both atsumu and hinata to train with them, while atsumu, being a bit closer than hinata was at you.

➜ and to sakusa, that was the final straw.

➜ his silent yet kinda pissed off figure struting your guys' way made you feel some typa thing ngl😳😋

➜ seeing the intimidating and dark aura around his, the setter and the wing spiker  dropped their hold on you, as they scurried away.

➜ and they waddled away, waddle waddle lmaoo

➜ he was getting to close to you, leveling his face to your lowkey cowering hot and bothered figure. inspecting your face, your arms, everywhere that atsumu ( and hinata. ) touched you.

“ they're too close to you, now look, you have too many germs around you. ” he LOWKEY POUTED IN HIS MASK, but you didn't know that.

➜ you rose an eyebrow at him, wondering wtf he was talking about. is he gonna disinfect you LMAOO

“ i guess i have to clense you, ” he dragged down his face mask before going in for a kiss ─ your guys' first kiss as a couple HOLYSHIT.

➜ sakusa knew he wasn't good with words, with actions. but he was trying his best with you, and god WHY DIDN'T HE KISSED YOU EARLIER??

➜ you pulled away from shock, the tips of your fingers touching where his lip met yours.

“ was it ─ was it bad? ” he thought you liked it whenever he initiates these affections, or perhaps were you already falling out of love for him? these thoughts were going to be the death of him ─ no you, were going to be the death of him.

“ oh, you're jealous. ” you put two and two together. thinking of teasing him when he sneered disgustingly as he looked away before putting his mask back on, clearing his throat, basically confirming yojr accusations.

“ that's kinda hot ”

➜ and you were like, phew IS IT GETTING TOO HOT IN HERE OR

“ do you ─ do you want to do it again or . . ? ” he averted his gaze to look at you, the beam in your eyes never once gone unnoticed as you nodded, taking him by the collar and much to his shock ─ you planted a cute peck ontop of his mask, which was ontop of his lips.

➜ eyes widdening as he realized what you did, but before you could go away with your teasing, he placed his hands firmly on your waist, making you stay in your place as he dragged down his mask before once again leaning in for your lips.

“ directly please. ”

[miru667]

Thanks to everyone who tried out my quiz! xDDD I'm happy with the scores, it seems that I set the right level of difficulty! Below I'll talk about the results:

Favourite colour: Started out with a hard question, I see! This would've been an easier question years ago when my self insert's default outfit was a red hoodie! It's hard now since I've got lunchlady miru and death god miru now, and neither of them wear any red (except for lunchlady's red hair tie), plus all I draw is Audrey now who also doesn't usually wear red LOL. The other colours are there to try to trick you - I knew some ppl thought I had an affinity to orange since Audrey is orange, and green is there for those of you who relate me more to onceler. Green and teal are more Audrey's favourite colours, although I super love teal as well.

Home fandom before the onceler fandom: This also tripped some people up I'm guessing because I've stated multiple times before that the onceler fandom was my first fandom - that I was ACTIVE in. Kingdom Hearts was my heart and soul for almost 10 years until the Once-ler came in! I just was always a quiet loner who enjoyed media my own way with maybe 1 other irl friend. I was a huge fan of Beyblade too, but it only lasted about 5 years before I went back to KH, my home. And Steven Universe (2013) came out after the Lorax (2012), so that one's just plain wrong if you remember that I was in the onceler fandom since 2012.

Where does the 667 come from: This one was answered publicly on my tumblr blog more than once! https://miru667.tumblr.com/post/37104426699/ive-always-wondered-whats-with-the-667-in-your It was a two part answer, so you had to just pick the most accurate one. Robert Schumann is there to try to trick you since his name is close to Schubert.

Where was I born: I thought that maybe this would be tricky because just because I'm a Canadian living in Canada doesn't mean I was born there, but almost everyone got this one! Nice!!

Audrey Grace is: my darling niece!! HAHA SORRY this one tripped people up because yeah she's also my OC. But she's not JUST my oc, yanno? She's the apple of my eye, and I refer to her as my niece quite often, to every single person online and offline. More than half got this correct! Good!

Who is my wife: I've been tagging Elsa as my wife on my sideblog for years! The Once-ler is there as an option to trip up the ppl who think I still see the onceler that way. xP I don't! He's just my roommate now. I'm flattered that a few people thought I had an irl wife though omg...in my dreams lmao.

My fav artist/band: OOF this one tells me I'm not talking about my fav band enough! No one should feel bad, I agree it was the hardest one. MCR is a very close second to iDKHOW and going to that MCR concert was the peak moment of my life, and I talk about how much I love christmas music all the time on twitter, and I reference Taylor Swift a lot because of Audrey and because she's current (and I also genuinely love tswift, her stuff is pure poetry and she's a genius). But iDKHOW's music...man it's like they can't make a bad song to me. Morbidly cozy romantic vibes just reach all the way to the depths of my soul and make me feel healed and cradled. Two of my drawings were inspired by their songs: [link] [link] I think it's just that they're not as active as much and not many other ppl really know them so I don't really get a chance to mention them often? But in general I also just...don't talk about my interests that often, that's just the way I am aaaaakjhfg

Audrey Grace's fav food: Anyone who's seen her in RP long enough would know this answer, plus I've stated it directly in a self reblog recently (now deleted). This post on her blog was also a clue: https://audtreegrace.tumblr.com/post/699641281660551168/your-hair-looks-like-pumpkinpos I don't blame anyone for choosing any of the other answers though, because she LOVES those foods too and I've shown it in artworks!

Siblings: Phew I was watching the results and for a while there a lot of ppl thought I was an only child? lksfjhgld do I really have only-child vibes omg (don't answer that). In the end, more than half of you got the right answer so, good!! I love my younger sister so much, she's the original inspo for my Audrey, and I'm sure I've mentioned that on multiple platforms.

What I look forward to every spring: This question is easy for my twitter followers! I mention cherry blossoms every year on twitter, and share my photos. People who know me would also remember my bday is in the winter, not spring, and that I don't really care about the lack of sunshine during winter, which is my fav season. So those two answers are out by process of elimination. As for the onceler fandom anniversary...yeah, for the third time I've tricked you LMAO IM SORRY;;; I just wanted to wave to those who know me for more than onceler. :,) It's not that I don't care about the fandom anniversary - I do care about it! But I don't wait for it with anticipation like I do with cherry blossoms. But most ppl got this answer anyway so I feel loved!

And that's it! Thanks for reading if you did! I'm not offended by anyone's score at all, this was soooooo fun for me LLOLL xD

I made a friendquiz! 10 questions to see how well you know me :3 Though tbh I think you'd have to have followed me on twitter for a while to stand a chance haha ^^;; But it's a good way to find out some random facts about me anyway, so feel free to try!

[stemmmm]

for someone whos made that may sex jokes i dont think beato knows what sex is. good for her

ahh. this baby story explains the weird phonecalls. question becomes are they real or also hallucinations. im assuming hallucinations.

god who do you think you are, anthy? tho this brings up a thought i'd been having which is that... if we are to say beato isn't a witch and natsuhi's (or someone else is) making all this shit up anyways, then this "beatrice" within the game board is just something that will say anything that whoever is imagining her wants to hear. the perfect scapegoat. the perfect vessel in which to scream "a witch did it! it was a witch's curse!". hm. ok yeah all the demons are saying it to her outright. god every time i think i've pieced something together on my own and think i'm so clever the game goes right ahead and wacks me over the skull with it lmao.

very fun, very ooky spooky for the implication of the 1st twilight to be that battler slept in a room full of corpses without a clue.

very fun also for it to straight up be lambda doing a voice for the phonecalls, not even pretending like there's some other person, she's just rustling shit up

i love to see erika getting her shit kicked in for being an absolute bitch no one likes because she sucks so bad. even bern hates her ass in a way that makes me think bern made her in a moment of "oh you know what would be sooooo funnnn :3c ive never played a detective before detectives are soo fun and cute :3ccc" and then instantly got bored. erika will absolutely become someone sympathetic at some point im certain but not now lol.

i know she has a voice but the instant dlanor showed up and started talking in a strange, kind of robotic manner my hc for her voice instantly became this: https://www.reddit.com/r/Grimdank/comments/yhrho1/uwu/

i was also astonished i was able to find that video so easy by googling "giant robot warhorn welcome to the maid cafe" because 1. the only version i knew of was the majorly crunched tumblr version and 2. i got the phrase completely wrong

i will also say of dlanor, in addition to my distaste for increasing magical bullshit, the shitty leotards all of the characters get put in makes me hate them on sight because it means when they show up i have to see their awful outfits, so she had a major disadvantage starting out but she was able to instantly come around in my mind by being soooooooo cute. :3

thank god battler clarified after the fact that the wack shit with him jumping out a fucking window was his piece being controlled by lambda because while i sincerely had no problem with his actions or reasoning, i just couldn't forgive him somehow shattering the 4th wall to interact with the "phantom" team or w/e (love that we've got a 3-way battle also. very excellent development for how things are going). everything was absurd and fun but i was just screaming the whole time "wait battler isnt playing right. he's not- he cant be- is he??? he hasnt shown up as not a piece in so long, when did it switch, when did he come in???" so PHEW!

every single person, especially everyone who's a piece seems like they hate bern and lambda pretty fucking bad so I've got a feeling that this shit is gonna end with the entire game revolting against those two. battler and beato don't even need to be involved for that i think.

part 5 (+?) thread

ep1 ep2 ep3 ep4

erika furudo is bern's fucking self-insert oc................ i knew they had to be the same person because they Look Like That and also. Name. but. oh my god this is funny. she's managed to say a single line btw, this is just spoiler knowledge and inference running

ah! ok so we are doing answer arc-ass answer arcs. cool i'm fine with that! makes things a lot easier to follow especially since more inane bullshit's gonna get thrown in

hate haaaaate seeing beato like this tho :(((( this is miserable, she makes me so sad, and battler saying over and over again "dw boo i'm gonna kill u for sure" also makes me so sad. get well soon queen!!!!!!!!

i may be wrong but i get the impression that this was kind of the same as the evolution of the real life beato's situation/personality.... and in that sense i can't imagine any of this ending well but i want it to so baddd because i love herrrrr she deserves the worllldddddddd

it's nice of them to rewind things for battler's sake but uh. erika's a bit of a fucking cunt huh. no love in this game, indeed. we are bringing out peoples worst and making sure battler has as miserable of a time as possible. it's interesting to see that the epitaph is solved before any murder but know that people still die in the end tho.

also love that we're saying kinzo's dead for real, none of this with natsuhi is happening. open your eyes battler, look. nothing's there. really good moment.

battler's been confronting the epitaph in terms of why it exists rather than solving it, and there's definitely been much spoken of miracles, added onto by lambda saying there'd be no point in the riddle if it wasn't hard which would add ammunition for a miracle to happen, though there's still the insistence that beato has nothing to gain from the riddle existing... at least materially. and she doesn't kill for pleasure. so there's the obvious point that she made the epitaph because she wanted to play with someone, specifically battler since he always lives, and battler himself mentioned the play aspect though I dont know how serious he was about that. beato's very obviously just wanted to play with him from the beginning, even though her kidnapping and torturing of him in the first place pretty heavily obscured that. if we accept play as her reason for it existing and doing the murder games, that still leaves the miracle up in the air. does the chance of a miracle occurring not count as a potential material gain? is doing something purposely to try and create a miracle not... a reason for doing it? is the miracle that beato could Actually be revived in some way or is there something else?