#as they possibly can and the other person misinterpreting it in bad faith on purpose a lot? i dont trust it personally.

[aquillis-main]

I think...you are misinterpreting my tone. There is no moral high-ground, and I apologize for my coming across that I was making one. Looking back at some of my other asks I can see why you'd think that from the outside looking in. I did come off as cutting, my apologies. This is exactly what I brought up earlier regarding online vs in-person discourse XI.

Even then, I don't see how my saying that your feelings on Robotnik in the first movie were antithetical to your feelings now was in bad faith. I must be misinterpreting something... If I am, that would explain your reaction to me saying that. I would never purposely misinterpret something and then base an argument off of it, trust me. That's lame.

Even then, looking back at your original posts, I really don't see how else to interpret it? :/ With how much animosity you expressed toward Sonic, it really felt like you wanted him to get captured by Robotnik. Especially since you said you didn't see how Robotnik chasing Sonic was wrong. Again, the online tone barrier could be in effect here. If you want, you can re-explain what you meant...or you can block me...since I guess this technically breaks your stipulation?

I can't really block when I answer an ask, anon.

The fact that you misinterpreted the entire asks about Movie!Sonic and my opinions on how the first movie's story was handled as 'him needing to be captured by Robotnik to be experimented on' is why I can't seriously consider you as anything but disingenuous and acting pedantic about people who are seriously clamoring to gruesomely watch Maria die. I've actually made it clear, in multiple posts, that my issues with Sonic in the movie is that the consequences for his actions don't align with how the story tries to portray him.

In the movie, they make Sonic this sad little child that did nothing wrong, looking for a family and be miserable because he didn't have said family... When he technically went against his supposed mentor's warning to not flaunt his power too much, this causing Longclaw to send Sonic off to some other world in order to not be used for his power, sacrificing herself in the process because Sonic thought of his wants more than his situation. Even in the montage of living in Green Hills, Sonic does nothing but cause trouble - Tormenting a crazy guy for the hell of it, possibly stealing people's things from their homes to flesh out his little cave, and (eventually) starting the plot of the movie by causing a blackout so damn big, it shuts down over half of the USA. That type of blackout is the kind of blackout you don't recover from quickly, and it makes sense the movie had the military send out it's top agent Dr. Robotnik - whom, btw, only had the 'crime' of being an asshole to not only his subordinates, but also the people who don't technically have clearance to that point - to try and figure out the situation and get it under control.

On top of that, Sonic is a serial stalker - he watched through Tom and Maddie's window, spied on them doing their daily routine, and had the dumb audacity to believe he could get help from them from the government to escape the actions he pulled. Even guilt-tripped Tom into getting him to San Fran because Sonic had the 'brilliant' idea of opening a Ring gate in Tom's garage, and basically roped Tom to getting the rings back with Sonic. All the bad events that happened in the movie are due to Sonic's actions, and instead of actually looking into this and allowing Sonic to grow into his own character without the humans, the movie brushes it off to make Sonic bond with the guy he manipulated to help.

Instead of reading through my points, thinking 'hey, maybe Aquillis' issues have to do with how the movie was written, and not about Sonic himself', you instead decided to immediately go 'Aquillis hates Movie!Sonic! How dare she!' and started condemning me on a thing you barely bothered to read through, then tried to tie in your feelings about how I 'don't like Movie!Sonic' with the discussion I was currently having - people making jokes about Maria's death affecting Shadow - when they were two completely different points, and the only relation to each other was that I'm talking about the same franchise here.

You did the equivalent of jumping into a canyon without a parachute, then kept hitting weak ledges in order to make me seem like some kind of monster that manipulates people to get them to see the way I want them to see. Instead of asking for a clarification of my opinion in the first place, you put me on the chopping block and wanted me executed, because you already decided I was 'guilty' for not thinking the same as you. I don't see how I wasn't any clearer, considering there's a few posts recently that say 'I don't like the way the movie let's Sonic off without consequences beyond being chased by Eggman'.

Don't let your feelings get in the way of what you're reading, that would be a way to figure out if someone acts like you think they are or not.

[galacticvampire]

One of the things that irritates the most on the internet is the habit people have to jump of the worst possible conclusions about others contradicting them. So I'm assuming you're asking in good faith.

Many many people have written about how jedi critique is very badly handled and based mostly on headcanons, bad faith assumptions, or legends material (which isn't to brush off legends, just pointing out that in the Lucas/Disney universe none of that actually happen) you can, and I recommend, read more here, a highly detailed post about the most common points about the Jedi's situation, with sources, and here, going more in depth into it. All great material written by people more eloquent than me, there's more but Tumblr search system is eh.

But to summarize why this rightfully worries this part of the fandom, specially in regards to how the producer worded her position: this was *never* the "story George Lucas intended to tell".

No, we don't see any of that in the prequels. He very clearly positioned the Jedi as the good guys. There is nothing wrong with their beliefs or their system in the narrative. A lot of things go wrong, they aren't perfect, but there wasn't actually much they could've done better. Everything from the way the movies present the facts to Lucas commentsry make that very clear.

Anakin is the one being corrupted. The Republic is being corrupted. Sidious is the one pushing to them to further corruption, because he is the bad guy. The Jedi just get dragged down with the mess for factors mostly beyond their power.

So there's nothing really to criticise that much.

And yet, we see over and over again writers, either purposely or not, misinterpreting their source material. They're seeing things through these preconceptions that do not match the worldview and building stabilished so far.

We don't know how Acolyte is going to go, maybe this is just the case of a unreliable narrator since is a sith story (I personally really wish this is the case, everything about the project looks extremely awesome), but considering how things have been going the past few years, it's very understandable why people are weary.

The Acolyte showrunner just gave an interview talking about how the show will be "jedi critical" because "that's the story george lucas was trying to tell" and I'm about to commit a crime

[simonalkenmayer]

The reason why people believe you can't be Jewish if you are human is that a Jewish person would not create a monster that could potentially represent negative Jewish stereotypes and place emphasis on said monster eating humans. The reason why I am on anon is that you blocked me for attempting to point out a potential logical error in a post you made, and you took it as hostility and blocked me.

You have said this now countless times, and funny that it never gets any better or more factual, just because you repeat it.

You are relying on several logical fallacies, your flawed interpretation, and forcing a conversation that never needed to happen. When I, as the only authority in this situation, since I in fact wrote the text, say no, and ask you to move on, you do not wish to hear it or move on. In fact you argue that I cannot possibly be clever enough to know what I am doing, or acknowledge any greater purpose to my work. Because you don’t want to be wrong. That’s what is actually going on here. And that’s why you’re convinced I can’t be Jewish. Everything you built to come to that conclusion is in your head. Not reality.

Now let’s say it is all made up. Let’s say I am a human writer. If I were, and wanted to be able to point to similarities in all existing human mythology, and argue it was one species, I’d have created a monster that is an average of as many myths as possible, which would have included myths from cultures that had no contact with Judaism. If we want to discuss the Uncanny Valley effect, and what connection it has to story versus evolution, then we must embrace commonalities in all myth. And what is the most common myth about monsters? They eat people. That fact predates even the Jewish faith itself. In fact, it’s one of the things that was played upon by the antisemitism of the past. Yes, Jews were turned into monsters by the Church, but monsters existed first.

So let me explain what actually happened. You never actually read my book. You read into one specific sentence, more than existed. You came to a decision based upon that single misinterpretation, and read into each and every following thing you could find, no matter how trivial (Tupperware lids) in order to force that meaning into a text. Then you came to my blog, called me a disposable name, based upon your misplaced and far fetched interpretation, and tried to convince me of your reality and meanings, and when I refused to accept them or pointed out how silly they are, you became adamant and irrational, and downright hostile. I determined it was in all our best interests to prevent you from accessing my material. That’s why you were blocked.

My friend, all you have to do is block me and move on with your life. Yet here you are…again, despite repeated blocking, pushing the exact same nonsense.

How would you feel, if someone came to your blog, installed a meaning into one of your sentences, tried to then back read into all other aspects of your work, some derogatory thing. Wouldn’t hear you say “that’s not true”, and then you had to listen to them berate you for a meaning they created. How would you feel if they then said to you “arguing with me also makes you this thing. Laughing at it makes you this thing. Calling it irrational makes you this thing. In fact anything you do except to apologize for the meaning I installed is also making you this thing.” How do you imagine you might take that and deal with it?

You are wrong. It’s just that simple. You are upset about a legitimate thing, but have decided to implant it where it doesn’t actually exist. All I can do is tell you to stop, and leave. And you won’t even do that.

Truth is, you also refuse to think I have a greater purpose to what I am doing that is good rather than bad. You want to be right. You don’t want to actually hear me.l or know me. You don’t want anything from me but an enemy or an argument. An emblem for your frustration.

I refuse, as I have from the beginning. Find an enemy that is actually an enemy, and move on.

[bondsmagii]

I’m rereading Vicious and after knowing everything about Vengeful everything that Eli did on vicious makes so much sense.

The first time I read Vicuous I always wondered what exactly went through Eli’s head, what was he thinking? When he looked for Victor when Victor was about to replicate his experiment? Was Eli concerned about Victor or was Eli was acting for selfish reasons? What was he thinking and feeling after he got his powers? What was he thinking when Victor attacked him and why was he so quick to think Victor was a devil in disguise? What was his last thought when he was about to become an Eo and how does it relate to healing? What was his thought process when he was trying to give up his life to god and when he decided that killing EOS was the “right” thing to do?

And after reading Vengeful everything becomes so much clearer, his last thought was probably about how he wanted to be “healed and saved” he internalized so some much religious trauma that it affected the way he acted and his thogught porcess, he witnessed his mother suicide on a bathtub and that’s probably why he chose that method both times before and after becoming an EO, his father used to beat him as a kid because he supposedly “had the devil in him” and he does feels like one through his life, doing his best to act as “normal” as possible.

His mother death also explains why he was so worried about Victor and even in the first book Eli talks very fondly of him even referring to him as his best friend and he explains to Serena he thinks Victor died and something sinister replaced him after becoming an EO and this conclusion although rash, it make sense he would try to rationalize and in a way justify the awful things that Victor did after turning into an EO.

And even in vengeful he started imagining Victor to kept him company when he was going through hell, he admits to himself that Victor was the only person who ever truly “saw” him and understood him, pretty much confirming that the “rivalry” Victor and Eli had was mostly one-sided and Eli really did loved him and consider him his best friend.

This also explains his weird behavior towards Victor when Vic himself was trying to turn himself into an EO, Eli witnessed his mother death and probably didn’t wanted the same to happen to Victor after Eli himself almost died trying to recreate it.

The first book also explains that he tried to take his life a second time after Victor got arrested begging for God to take away his power if it had been a mistake, he seemed to externalize all of this negative experience and feelings through his purpose of exterminating the EOS because he sincerely believed that was the right thing to do, his faith although horribly used and mishandled seemed to be genuine based on how we was him literally begging to god to take his life back if everything had been a mistake.

Everyone one of his actions seem to be driven by his childhood and religious trauma and it’s incredible sad to me, he wan’t a sociopath or a psychopath he was just very broken and delusional individual.

And his experience with Serena who forced herself into him also didn’t helped the whole “EOS are devils in disguise” perspective , even since I read the first book (when I didn’t knew anything about Eli yet) I was very repulsed by what Serena was doing to him, to the point that even though I greatly disliked Eli at first I kind of hated Serena more for what she was doing to him. I am also a little disappointed in how the fandom barely acknowledges that what Serena did to Eli was incredibly wrong and messed up.

I have already said this, but the fandom seems to treat Eli very unkindly, they brush over all of his story and just label him as a “sociopath” or “psychopath” barely understanding and completely missing the point of why he behaved the way that he did.

I don’t mind if people hate his character, I did so at first, but the way everyone brush over all of his trauma and the way people completely misinterpreted his character and actions don’t set up right with me.

It’s a little surprising how people can praise Serena, Victor and Marcella despite their awful actions while they hate on Eli for the same reason, overall Eli seems to have been the one to receive the shorter end of the stick by the fandom.

honestly I've read this so many times because you're so right and it's such a relief to know that somebody else out there is capable of critical thinking skills lmao. I think the problem with people's response to Eli is that they think his backstory is an excuse, when in actual fact it's an explanation. go figure, kids who grow up in abusive households will turn into adults with a boatload of issues, and some of those issues are more likely than not going to cause harm of their own. it's totally possible to be both a victim and someone who causes harm; yes, Eli thinks he's in the right, but his actions are still wrong. it's possible to understand both of these things and it's possible to still like his character and sympathise with him, while still understanding that damn, he maybe needs to chill on the serial killing.

it wouldn't bother me as much if people didn't think that Victor was absolutely innocent. people seem to revere him, and it's because in the narrative he's set up as Eli's opposite. the whole point of the story is that there's no good men in the game, but because Victor wants to stop Eli, people see him as the good guy and overlook how cruel he was to Eli throughout their entire friendship, and also how cruel he is to the others. (Mitch is probably the only one there of his own free will. Sydney was an injured 12-year-old child when Victor picked her up, and he did so only because she had information that he wanted -- his first thought was to torture it out of her, but when she gave it willingly and kind of hero-worshipped him in the way a neglected child would hero-worship their saviour, he decided she could stay. Dominic is there by force, because he's a disabled man in constant chronic agony that Victor fixes with his EO abilities, and if he does something to displease Victor or leaves him, Victor has threatened to bring the pain back even worse.) people rewrite both Eli and Victor's personalities to fit this, with Eli being cast as this unfeeling psychopath and Victor the person standing up to his evil, and in actual fact Eli is absolutely not a psychopath -- he's a traumatised adult recovering from a highly abusive childhood -- and Victor is not standing up to evil; he's settling a score. a score he kind of started in the first place, by being a jealous asshole towards Eli's thesis, trying to dominate it because his own sucked, seeking glory off the back of Eli's hard work, and then when he succeeded in his goals and became an EO, immediately murdering Eli's girlfriend and torturing Eli because he was jealous Eli's idea was correct. like, Victor Vale is a little bitch, on god. the reason it ended like this was because he was a god-awful friend to Eli, who was literally Victor's only true friend because he was the only person who would put up with him. go figure that the only person who could deal with Victor's behaviour was a grown abused child. nobody who hadn't been indoctrinated into believing that behaviour was acceptable would ever voluntarily deal with Victor.

literally every decision and action Eli takes can be traced back to his trauma, but go figure that nobody on this website can treat trauma with the nuance it deserves. people on this site seem to think that if you're traumatised you're always innocent and vulnerable; if anyone acts outside of this idea, they're written off. I take Eli's treatment very personally because I've seen people quite literally do this to real life people, myself included. because I wasn't a quiet, easy-to-deal-with traumatised person, I got all kinds of shit. it's the exact same with Eli. because he acts badly, because he does bad things, people seek to dehumanise him and set him aside because he apparently makes abuse survivors look bad or whatever -- when in actual fact acting badly is a very common response among abuse survivors, because we were brought up in an environment where that was normal and we don't know otherwise. not to mention the fact that the kind of mental illness Eli shows -- PTSD, mainly -- has many symptoms that make for unpleasant actions. it's not a crime to show the impact these things have, but people take it so personally. I've even seen people say it's ableist to portray characters like Eli because it gives people with trauma or mental illness a bad name, but no. that's literally not how it works. people with trauma and people with mental illness act badly, they fuck up, they can abuse people, sometimes they do harm or even kill people. ignoring this isn't going to get us anywhere, and if anything's ableist, it's looking at a clearly traumatised, mentally ill person and saying that he's a psychopath and evil and irredeemable. like, come on.

Eli didn't catch a single break for his whole life. everyone he's ever met has abused him horribly. you don't have to like him, but the people who can look at this and see nothing sympathetic about him? genuinely I don't trust them.

[dog-day-morning]

The word of God tells us we shall suffer for the cause of Christ, he who seeks a greater reward must attain a greater faith. Unto whom much is given that much more is required. You wanna eat that whole caramel cake, you crave that sweet tea, you pursue that woman in a nightclub hoping to get her in a compromised position, face down tail up because face it, we're not willing to bow down to the will of God, but we’re so happy, and ready to give in to that round mound of doo doo brown. The 3 Hebrew boys Meshach, Shadrach, and Abednego went into the fiery furnace defying Nebuchadnezzar's declaration to worship him. These men had the inspiration, strength, and courage to say, even if He doesn't deliver us, we know that He can. That kind of faith is called perfected faith. We can be lazy because we refuse to work with what God gave us before the day of calamity comes to devour us. Tribulation is kicking into high gear, and many of God’s people are none the wiser. There are people who were working 3 jobs before, and after this pandemic became a global concern who know what is on the horizon. You don't need an Issachar spirit to discern the times; read the Bible. He also said to the crowds, “When you see a cloud rising in the west, you say at once, ‘A shower is coming.’ And so it happens. And when you see the south wind blowing, you say, ‘There will be scorching heat,’ and it happens. You hypocrites! You know how to interpret the appearance of earth and sky, but why do you not know how to interpret the present time? The gov't has pulled back on unemployment benefits forcing many to find a job. The 2 righteous servants in the parable of the 3 servants increased the wealth of their employer who trusted 3 men with different amounts of talents [money], and the 1 who didn't work diligently for his master inherited weeping, and gnashing of teeth. God invested in us, and He expected a greater return from this major investment. Jesus was the greatest financial venture ever made. The Father placed His faith in His Son who in turn gave Him many more sons that walk amongst us waiting for the Day of Judgment. This investment which supersedes all, but are intertwined will never decrease, and forever increase. The 144,000 isn't a spiritually inspired interpretation based on mine, and Mima getting the Holy Ghost or having an encounter with the Holy Spirit to speak in tongues. Sit down grandma, your Depends are leaking brown stuff that reeks of formaldehyde, and raw chitlins. God is looking for a righteous Nation to worship Him not themselves. These men, and boys who represent the 12 tribes of Israel have never been defiled by women, and hopefully not by men either. You lucky mother You can take the word literally or as a misinterpretation. Those who don't believe in the written word who believe that God's word isn't infallible aren't all to blame for this heresy. Those who originally interpreted the King James Bible added to, and took from are suffering for a misleading interpretation. The prophetic which God didn't let man corrupt altogether has pretty much played out verbatim. We may be dying to a world that is trying to kill our faith that God has no intention of doing until He finds His true worshippers, and He’ll never destroy one's faith in Him. Winter is coming and you and I must be prepared. We must live like today is our last without being caught up in fear. I'm suffering from a form of laziness called jackass. God shall supply all your needs, but faith without works is dead. The ant has the intuition to work throughout the Summer knowing that Winter is coming. A lot of these drones won't live to see the finished product. Ant mounds look like the Pyramids of Giza that secure the Queen, but where is the King? They serve the one who gives life that sustains the colony, she is their goddess, but what happens if the Queen dies? There's more than one Queen serving the colony who can breed an entire colony independent of one other. fulfilling their role while working together in unison with the others who all serve a greater purpose. This

is a major element that drives the Kingdome of heaven. Christ is just like His Father In the Kingdome that includes the Holy Spirit which they will pour upon all flesh again soon. There are no cowards or sinners in the Kingdome. The angels are not as drones, they are blessed warriors.

Revelation 21:8

8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

1 Corinthians 6:8-10

8 Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren.

9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

Alkebulan we need to wake up and get right. Black American's of the tribes of Judah, Gad, Reuben, and Issachar you need to aim at my forehead, and scatter my scatter brained grey matter all over the pavement. When Joe Biden told a radio podcaster if you don't vote for me you're not Black, he must be color blind. This vaccine that suspiciously looks like the Mark of Whodunnit. They can plant a microchip in your arm that can track your every move, financial transaction, and possibly your dreams while you sleep. Some Walmart stores are refusing to take cash when you check out; they only take debit, and credit cards. These are signs that we’re living in the End Times. The Last Days. I'm looking at this as a sign to get the hell outta this city, and decompose. What in God's name am I afraid of? Jesus took a beat down like a man on a mission.. You're not weak or simping if you gave your life for a people you fed, healed, gave sight to, preached to, taught them a new way to live, pray, love, told them about a Kingdome greater than Jerusalem, and you didn't kill anybody in the process knowing what they were going to do to your physical body in an almost retarded like bid to destroy their salvation. I've done none of that; my bad. Stop looking for men, especially zaddy to deliver us. “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.” Some of us foolheartedly called Bill Clinton the first Black president when he's not, never can, or will be to me in any sense, Barack wasn't either. Thomas Jefferson, the third elected president, who served two terms between 1801 and 1809 was described as the “son of a half-breed Indian squaw (Black) and a Virginia mulatto father (Black).” Abraham Lincoln, the nation’s 16th president, served between 1861, and 1865. Lincoln had very dark skin, and coarse hair and his mother allegedly came from an Ethiopian tribe. His heritage fueled so much controversy that Lincoln was nicknamed “Abraham Africanus the First” by his presidential opponents and cartoons were drawn depicting him as a Negro. Warren Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Dwight David Eisenhower, and the scourge of the South Andrew Jackson were all n**gahs. I’ll see you come Hanukkah you self-hating black, Uncle Ruckus’s. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving, why should I be overjoyed about the genocide, and enslavement of God's people? Christmas is what it is. Hopefully you will celebrate this holiday season together fulfilling God's prophetic word. I can't unless you kill me. The Christmas holiday is as pagan as Joel Osteen is at scamming. David Duke, you might wanna go to ancestry.com, and take a DNA test. You might be 30% Swahili. By the looks of those big, gorilla nostrals you had before that rhinoplasty. You, and Bull Connor may be related to Idi Amin. Your biggest shame is your greatest blessing. Personally you can kiss the skid marks in the middle of my skid marks after I take a fresh dump. Conservative, political pundits, and wannabes whose names I won't mention, but one in particular who looks like he smoked 23 blunts in 15min. with no filter. Please keep him in California, and let him drown with his zaddy, and pancaked tail, bowed hipped women. Use your lips as a floatation device dude. These people are ashamed of the God who has blessed many, and plenty. These people suffer, hopefully not always, from the white savior or white zaddy complex. The truth isn't in any of them, that's why they're so adept at lying when making bold-faced statements before the public that opposes their previous opinion like people don’t have YouTube or google. I’ll Bing a factoid or Yahoo that mother to get the truth I may even pay for it, gimme a dollar. My inability to walk amongst men as a man has stagnated my propensity to live That's BS, my Apostle said something this past Sunday that's stuck on my forehead. YOU'RE LAZY!!! I am what I am, a pain in the rear end. This has gone on way too long. Sometimes

I feel as though God wants me to kill myself because the PO PO won’t. I would feel better if my natural family would stab me in the neck, not my back, with a piece of diseased, pork, spare rib from a boar hog, and let me die from a rare form of trichinosis. The people have spoken while I’m playing Jay, and Silent Bob. Father, get me outta here. Elohim, 9/16/2021

[edenfenixblogs]

Hmm. I feel like I’m not being clear if you’re continuing to misinterpret my words like this. Let me try to address this as clearly as possible. Once again, I am trying in the very best faith possible to address your concerns and engage in this conversation despite how we disagree at the moment. I would very much appreciate a small bit of grace in the interpretation of my meanings and intention here. Please, for the sake of this discussion, assume that I am not approaching with any ulterior motive or aggression.

1) Yes, I saw your bio and that you are Jewish.

2) I don’t say only Jews should define Zionism. I say that the term Zionism and it’s opposite, anti-Zionism, are used with nefarious connotations by people who are not Jewish in order to make Jews less safe. So I propose taking the dichotomy off the table entirely for the purpose of ongoing good faith discussions. I am only saying that I do not wish to police the use of “Zionism” within Jewish community spaces at all. I also do not wish to police “from the river to the sea” within Palestinian cultural spaces at all. But, with specific regard only to the i/p conflict, the weight of the history of everything in both cultures is so heavy. Using certain words and phrases can get in the way of the ultimate goal of achieving peace. A mutual agreement to avoid these words and phrases is one way to both lighten that weight (by removing the history and controversy and pain they add to discourse on all sides) and bring us closer to achieving the ultimate goal of peace.

3) I am not saying that we should disallow relevant conversations that involve the Holocaust. Of course it is relevant to Israel’s foundation. That in itself is not Holocaust inversion. The issue comes when everything and everyone “bad” becomes a comparison to The Holocaust. I am asserting there is no comparison aside from mass death at the hands of the state. There are other reference points for that which don’t involve the other very individualistic things that make the Holocaust uniquely painful Jewish cultural property. Some of those things include the history of worldwide prior genocide and expulsion, the transfer of ideology from Russia to Germany, the diasporic nature of Jews as a target (yes. The nakba also resulted in diaspora. The diasporic conditions are not comparable due to the much longer history and wider geography of Jewish diaspora. But that does not negate or dismiss the very real pain of Palestinian diaspora), the lack of a meaningful widespread violent Jewish resistance (no I am not calling Palestinians terrorists. I am calling Hamas a terrorist organization co-opting Palestinian struggles to spread terror and violence), the global support for genocide based on antisemitism, as well as too many other things to mention. I am not interested in arguing these points with you. And not because I’m afraid of the truth or whatever accusation one might throw at me. Simply because that is the limit of my emotional energy. It is the limit of many Jews’ emotional energy. It is too near. It affects me too personally. And I am not interested in giving people an opportunity to manipulate the tragedy of it to fit their own views. An actual discussion of the Holocaust and it’s relationship to Israel is necessary and important. Comparing other struggles to it is not and does far more harm than good. Again, if you disagree with that point, I do not have energy to engage with you about why. So I suggest we set that aside for now and you can make your own post about your opinions on that. But for the purposes of this discussion: I hear you. I agree talking about it is necessary. But it cannot and should not ever be the go-to reference point for bad things happening in the world and countries doing horrible things to innocent civilians. The Holocaust is too unique a trauma to Jewish people and there are, unfortunately, several other recent and more historical genocides and ethnic cleansings to which we can all refer that don’t have such widespread, pervasively triggering dog whistles to sidestep. That is my boundary in this conversation, but if you wish to discuss this further with other Jews willing to engage on this subject, please do so. I am not that Jew.

We don’t have to agree on everything. But I do want you to know that my stances are purposefully pro-Palestine and Pro-Jew. I believe Very ardently in Palestinian self determination as well as Jewish safety in the levant. They are not mutually exclusive and we must all work toward that goal together.

I don’t think “Zionist is often used as a by word for Jewish conspiracy in white supremacist circles so call out Israel by name” is that unreasonable a request actually.

[sojourner-between-worlds]

Why the Idea of Disabled Jesus is Heretical

(Or, at best, a gross misinterpretation of Scripture. But really, it's heresy.)

@aspiringautistic asked on this post from my side blog: "what would be so harmful if there were people who perceived jesus as disabled?" and I am happy to oblige in expanding on those thoughts (though since the answer has little to do with autism and everything to do with Christianity in general, I thought it more appropriate to answer here on main). In case you hadn't prior seen the linked post and don't feel like clicking through, the short of it is this: the Gospel Coalition recently published an article in which the author, Andrew Abernethy, argued that Jesus was disabled. I'm here to tell you where he went wrong.

Hold on to your hats, folks. This is a long post.

(All Scripture quotations taken from the ESV translation.)

1. Disabilities are a result of the Fall. Before I get into anything else, I need to make this point abundantly clear. While being disabled does not dictate worth and it is not an indication of personal sin, it is still not how we are meant to be. Adam and Eve were created in the likeness of God, and were, therefore, created without sin or any of the things that came with sin. They were perfect -- at least until they disobeyed (Genesis 2-3). Sometimes people ask "if there is a God, why do bad things happen?" and the answer is because we live in a sin-cursed world. Disabilities, illness, and death itself exist because Adam and Eve sinned. (Romans 5:12: "Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned.")

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2. Old Testament laws regarding sacrifices. The Old Testament Law is very specific when talking about what makes an acceptable sacrifice. There are a lot of different types (everything from bulls to grain), but the relevant ones to this discussion are sacrifices made for the atonement of sins. 

There are two categories of sacrifices made for sin: sin offerings made for unintentional sins, and burnt offerings made for sin in general. Burnt offerings and sin offerings both ranged from bulls to doves (or flour for the latter, if nothing else could be afforded) and sin offerings varied depending on both the person and the sin as well (Leviticus 1, 4-5). But all of the animals sacrificed had two instructions about them in common: that they be "without blemish", and that the sinner must place their hand on the head of the animal. The difference between the two was that a sin offering was required as an act of repentance and a burnt offering was voluntary. In the case of burnt offerings, the requirements for bulls and sheep or goats are laid out very plainly: "a male without blemish" (1:3, 10). 

In addition to all of this, once a year, on the Day of Atonement, one bull and two male goats would be sacrificed for the people to remove their sins (Leviticus 16; only one goat was killed; the other was sent away, symbolizing the removal of sin). Again, these animals had to be without blemish, just as all the others. The person offering the sacrifice was to place their hand on the head of the animal. The action of placing their hand was symbolic: it was a way of showing that the person's sin was being "transferred" to the animal so that the animal could take the person's place and receive the punishment for sin instead. "Without blemish" meant that it couldn't be sickly or diseased or crippled in any way. It had to be as close to perfect as was possible in a sin-cursed world because anything less than perfect had to die for its own imperfections. 

Because these sacrifices could never be truly perfect, they had to be repeated, but all of this was pointing to the time when Jesus would come as the final sacrifice made for the sins of the world.

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3. Jesus as the final sacrifice. If you know anything about the Christian faith, you know that this is at the heart of everything we believe. Without Jesus, there is no gospel. So here's why that matters to this discussion: 

"But when Christ appeared as a high priest of the good things that have come, then through the greater and more perfect tent (not made with hands, that is, not of this creation) he entered once for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by the means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption. For if the blood of goats and bulls, and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer, sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God" (Hebrews 9:11-14, emphasis mine). 

This passage in Hebrews (as well as verses preceding and following) are all about how Christ made atonement for us with His death, and how His voluntary sacrifice of Himself is superior to the OT sacrifices. 

So allow me to direct your attention to the bolded phrase above: “offered himself without blemish”. If this sounds familiar, it should, since I talked extensively about this in the point above. “Without blemish” in Leviticus meant to be not crippled or disfigured or ill in any way. If this same phrase is also applied to Christ, then the same must be true. If the OT sacrifices were required to be so, why would the same not apply to the Final Sacrifice that ended the need for sacrifices to be made? It wouldn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense. Not when the OT sacrifices were pointing towards Jesus; not when we have a God Who created order and purpose. Jesus had to be perfect to take our places -- and that includes being free of deformities that are a result of a sin-cursed world.

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4. Isaiah 53, misinterpreted at best. This was one of Mr Abernethy’s main points, and it’s one he got disastrously wrong by reading what he wanted into Scripture (eisegesis) rather than letting Scripture say what it says (exegesis). See, the thing about interpreting prophecy is that you have to be careful how you do it, and, just like all Scripture, make sure it’s within the proper context. 

In the case of this chapter of Isaiah, the wider context is that it’s a prediction of Jesus’ suffering on earth and His death. One of the verses he tries to pass off about Jesus being ugly or deformed is the second part of verse 3: “and as one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” The problem is, this verse and one directly after it are not about his physical appearance at all. They are about emotions and grief: “He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteem him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted” (vs. 3-4, emphasis mine). This is about Him bearing our burdens and our rejection of Him anyway. This is a parallel that continues as the chapter moves forward. 

There is only one physical description in this passage that is not related to His death, and it’s the second part of verse 2: “he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him.” And this is the only point that Mr Abernethy got correct: Jesus wasn’t the Hollywood definition of drop-dead gorgeous. He looked like your average Joe. In order to not be conventionally beautiful/handsome, that does not dictate that a person must be deformed or “ugly” in any way. The only thing this verse means is that he didn’t stand out from the crowd with His looks. He didn’t look the way they thought their Savior should. That’s it. That’s all it means.

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5. Tradition isn't truth (no matter how much anyone wants it to be). I have to admit, adding in a section about a so-called “tradition” that’s nigh on impossible to find anything about was brilliant. The average person wouldn’t even bother looking in the first place, and most people who would look, would give up after five or ten minutes of searching. I spent an hour and found exactly nothing on this “tradition” of Jesus being a leper. So you just... have to take Abernethy’s word for it. 

Aside from not being able to find anything on it myself, the argument he uses is faulty anyway. Because tradition doesn’t equal truth, in the first place, especially a tradition that didn’t pop up until the 16th century. There’s no basis for something that apparently wasn’t known until 1400 years after His death. 

Aside from that, he calls on Jerome’s Latin translation of Isaiah 53:4 that translates a phrase as “he was like a leper.” First of all, “like a leper” does not mean He actually was a leper. C’mon, man. Any fifth grader in America could tell you that similes are used for comparisons and aren’t literal. 

Second of all, if you’d like to make a point, it’s a much better idea to go back to the Hebrew manuscripts rather than to any one translation. Now, I don’t know Hebrew myself, but I do have access to a little thing called the Internet, where you can find a plethora of commentaries from people who do know Hebrew. For this particular problem, I went to Albert Barne’s Notes on the Whole Bible. I’m not going to put his whole notes here (because there’s a lot), but if you’d like to read all of his notes, you can search the verse on studylight.org and use the ‘jump to’ feature under the verse to find him, but the bottom line of his notes on it are this: Jesus wasn’t literally being rightfully punished like the Jews would incorrectly think; leprosy was used here as an example because it was seen as a divine punishment for sin. It has nothing to do with literal leprosy at all. 

And to top off this cake of incorrectness... well, has he even read the New Testament? If Jesus had had leprosy, He: a. wouldn’t have been allowed in temples or synagogues, b. wouldn’t have been allowed in towns period, and c. wouldn’t have been nailed to a cross because no one would have risked touching Him in order to do so. Abernethy shouldn’t have even brought this up in his argument, it’s so far off base, and no artist in the 16th century should have painted a painting of a leprous Jesus nailed to the cross because, quite simply, it never would have happened.

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6. Jesus relates to us -- but not in the ways Mr Abernethy says. While he never cites any Scripture on this, I’m pretty sure I know where this idea came from. In his article, he states that in order for Jesus to have related to the disabled, He had to be disabled Himself. Since He relates to us, then He must have been disabled. 

First of all, the logical fallacy of this statement is this: if He must be disabled to relate to the disabled, then can the abled still relate to Him? The answer to that, of course, would be no, because if He wasn’t abled then He can’t relate to the abled in the same way that Abernethy asserts that He can’t relate to the disabled without being disabled. It’s one of those things where you can’t have it both ways. Another example of how this logic falls short is pregnancy. Can Jesus not relate to pregnant people because He Himself was never in such a state? And the rabbit hole just gets deeper from there: Can He relate specifically to the blind when He was never blind? How about the deaf or hard of hearing? Or people missing limbs, either from birth or through amputation? All disabilities are different, and experiencing one doesn’t mean you understand them all, so by Abernethy’s logic, Jesus had to experience all of them. Do you see how ridiculous Abernethy’s logic here is yet? 

Second of all, Abernethy is, once again, taking Scripture entirely out of context -- if, indeed, he got this idea from Scripture at all. Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” The problem with trying to use this verse as proof is, obviously, that it’s talking about temptations (Matthew 4:1-11), not lived experiences. If he was, again, referencing Isaiah 53 -- well, that doesn’t work either, because, again, that is in reference to His death and the sins He bore for us on the cross. The fact of the matter is, there are no Scriptures to back up the idea that He had to personally experience everything we do in order for Him to understand our pain and suffering. 

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The source of this heresy is the same as many heresies, actually: People want to make Jesus into something He's not. I listened to a podcast recently where the host was talking about a couple of heretics, and while I don't remember the heretic's name, he said that to him, Jesus was Latinx because he himself is Latinx. Except that, ya know, Jesus was a Middle-Eastern Jew. It's the same fallacy to say that Jesus was disabled. Everyone wants Jesus -- and God, for that matter -- to be something He's not, rather than for Him to be what Scripture tells us He is, but you can't force God into the box you've carved for Him. He is who He is, no matter how much you want Him to be something different.

There's no getting around it: to make Him out to be anything other than what Scripture tells us He is -- especially when it contradicts Scripture, is heresy.

[sepublic]

Regarding Hazbin Hotel’s themes of Redemption

           Okay, this may be a controversial suggestion, but you know one thing I’d REALLY like to see Hazbin Hotel do? I’d like to see it take the whole idea and message of ‘Even the worst of the worst deserve a chance to change themselves, and that anyone is capable of becoming a better person’ and actually… go through withand explore it.

           Like, I don’t want all of the characters who get redeemed to very obvious, blatant choices where you can immediately tell, “Oh they’re actually a good person deep down inside!” Because when it comes to the idea of redemption, Hazbin Hotel’s core theme, that’s neither interesting, nor THAT much of redemption. The inherent goodness is already clearly there and a part of them, and if left to their devices, such characters, like Angel Dust for example, would definitely be good people.

           The thing is- This is HELL. This is where the worst of the worst come, this is rock bottom after you’ve taken an excavator and dug down a few miles. It’s easy to look at a Demon who clearly has good tendencies otherwise and was mostly bad by circumstance, and say, “Let’s redeem that person! It will be SO revolutionary to see that person redeemed, even though they’ve already been clearly set aside from the rest as naturally good!” I want to see the show try to redeem ACTUAL bad, terrible people.

           Which, gets into the controversial part- I want to see the kind of people who choose to be terrible, who choose to be cruel and kill, end up getting redeemed. Because the thing about redemption is, you don’t naturally deserve it- That’s antithetical to redemption. It’s not some gift just prescribed to a person beforehand, it’s something that’s earned, painfully, through trial and error. Because like Charlie said, EVERYONE deserves a second chance to be better, and even if that person was a bigoted abuser… If they decided they want to change, then they should be given the chance to do so.

           Now, I’m not saying EVERY character should just be redeemed. I’m not saying every horrible demon should have good values and a change of heart handed to them on a silver platter, nor do I want any of them to be forcedinto changing, so to speak. I’d rather not see Charlie kidnap random Demons off the street and forcibly torture them into changing their habits (Now, Lucifer’s order having to imprison a Demon to keep them from doing further harmful actions, THAT’s fine and acceptable, as is self-defense). But what I’d like to see is a nuancedtake on the idea of redemption, that actually explores this idea instead of carefully poking the surface with the tip of the toe and then saying, “Well I’ve done all I can do!”

           Because when a demon chooses to redeem themselves… It’s not going to be pretty. It’s going to be uncomfortable, arduous, difficult, and excruciating. And yet, if one is so fixated on justice, perhaps this is the best course of action? It’s easyto just be awful and never change yourself, that’s why Sloth is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. But actually stepping back and evaluating yourself, confronting yourself, living with the results of your mistakes and their implications, forced to feel consequences instead of just dying to escape it all? THAT’s real justice. It’s painful for the demon, but also the BEST possible option for them too.

           By the end of the day, isn’t it in everyone’s best interests for everyone and anyone to become better? To lessen the amount of pain in this world? And it’s not like punishment can’t keep existing, either- It’s not a black and white choice between getting off scott-free, and dying permanently with no option of ever becoming better. A character can still be punished for their actions, while still working to change.

           And, yes- Some people won’t change, and maybe they never will. But the thing is, this isn’t regular, real life in the living world, where people have limited lives and resources and better things to do. This is Hell, this is rock bottom, THIS, of all places, is the place and time to start working on rehabilitating the worst, because what else will you do? What else would be the purpose of Hell, besides endless, meaningless pain? Infinite punishment should not apply to finite crimes.

           Likewise, even if some people will never change… It should always be made availableto them, the option to change- Just in case. The chance should always be ready, 24/7, eternally. And I know this may sound incongruous with what I said earlier, about how I want to see a character get permanently killed off by an Exterminator weapon… But really, such an event, I feel, would further highlight how important it is that rehabilitation and redemption be made readily, conveniently available at all times! Because life in Hell IS unpredictable, and it CAN be finite, and a permanent death would be a good way to really hammer in WHY Charlie is so insistent on giving these demons a chance to escape their fate. There’s an urgency to the Hazbin Hotel, because if people don’t start investing in it and making it available as soon as possible, people who could have changed will die and lose that chance they might have taken.

Now, I’m not saying every terrible demon, if any of them, should be forgiven- Absolutely not, and especially not by those they’ve hurt. There’s no obligation to forgive them, so even if it is an option that’s taken within the show, I’d still prefer if it was made clear that this was a choice by the victim, not by the abuser. Because a person who’s hurt others doesn’t automatically deserve forgiveness for making an effort- If anything, forgiveness is impossible. But just because you won’t be forgivenfor something, doesn’t mean you can’t change your behavior from then on- Because the crime being unforgivable is precisely WHY one would change their behavior! Because that behavior never was okay to begin with! If some terrible demons are redeemed, and it should be made clear that the bad things they did will neverbe forgiven, and that’s okay.

And of course, the Hazbin Hotel should be allowed to employ self-defense. It should still be allowed to fight back against those who may seek its destruction, because self-defense is okay, and if it hurts the attacker, then I don’t want the narrative to blame the victim for defending themselves. If a victim remains eternally hateful towards their abuser, then even if that abuser changes, even if that victim is also redeemed too… I still want that victim’s hate to be valid and accepted. Because earning redemption isn’t about making people like and forgive you, it’s about changing yourself. Those people don’t owe you anything, but YOU owe yourself a lot, and owe them a lot as well.

Again, some people will never change- But then again, never say never. Yes, redemption is a choice, and that part should also be emphasized… But redemption should also be made possible and available. The worst of the worst should know that it’s possible to try for it, while still being held accountable for the time they took to do so. Likewise, I’d really like to see the Hazbin Hotel’s teachings spread a lifestyle of being kind to one another, because when people are kind to one another, offer comfort and support, and so forth, you’d be surprised at how much a stubborn mind will yield away to that.

Of course, I don’t want said support and love to be forcedonto a demon, and have their personal autonomy violated. Sometimes you have to respect that they want to be left alone. Likewise, just giving someone a bunch of love and support won’t automatically change their mind, and I’d like for the show to remind the audience this… But at the same time, it can soften circumstances and make it morelikely for a demon to consider redemption, depending on the demon and their flaws in question of course.

I just… think this is kind of take on redemption would be infinitely more unique and intriguing than previous, rather vanilla takes on it. What happens if the ugly, generic war criminal mook who’s happily killed innocents, suddenly realizes they want to change? Or they’re suddenly exposed to love and support, and they look at those kind of lifestyles and realize that’s just so much NICER than what they’ve been doing… What if someone truly understands and sees that others are PEOPLE, just like them?

The closest I’ve seen to this kind of take is Steven Universe, which is amazing, but also by itself. Likewise, I’m also afraid that if Hazbin Hotel DOES go in this direction, it’ll be accused of ‘forgiving abusers’ and being ‘sympathetic to genocide’. I’d rather not want another SU Critical situation, but at the same time, I suppose such a thing would be inevitable. I think I’d rather see Hazbin Hotel actually try to explore REAL redemption, not just “Oh this ‘bad’ person just needs to be told it’s okay to be good and then they’ll be good!’… I want effort and actual change. And I think witnessing that in action far outweighs the cons of some people misinterpreting the message in bad faith.

After all, Demons have literally all the time in the world, assuming they avoid extermination, to change. So let’s see what happens when, after an eternity, a demon realizes their existence has become dull and bleak?

[apiratecalledav]

Okay, reluctantly leaving my happily ever after AU/denial land for a minute because it’s been like two months and I still see people say bullshit like, “If Jaime was going to go back to Cersei, then Brienne should have died” and urgh. No. Just... no.

I won’t even get into how awful it is to reduce Brienne to that as a character within her own right because trivializing and misinterpreting her relationship with Jaime is bad enough. The main reason being that it completely overlooks one of the most important and poignant parts of Jaime’s character:

That even though Cersei was “the end of” Jaime, Jaime was in a lot of ways “the beginning of” Brienne.

While Cersei and Jaime were like kindling and oxygen getting devoured by fire and were destructive and toxic, Jaime and Brienne were like music and lyrics; complete individuals in their own right, but when they’re combined they created something new and amazing. Like two Valyrian steel swords reforged from one greatsword. If fate had been kinder, they would have been very happy together.

Unfortunately, growing up with Tywin (and Cersei), serving Aerys, and spending half his life being unjustly reviled, Jaime had a lot of issues with guilt and self-loathing that no one who didn’t take several advanced psychology classes would have been able to help with.

But despite Jaime’s personal demons, he tried as hard as he could to build up Brienne, not drag her down the way that Cersei did to him. Instead of using his relationship with Brienne for his benefit, he used it to benefit her: He helped Brienne to fulfill her oath to Cat and indirectly led to her being able to avenge Renly. He made it possible for her to go from being regarded as a failure and an oddity to being successful and respected. He knighted her. She fell in love with him and he loved her, too. No, it wasn’t enough to “fix” him (news flash: love isn’t a cure), but it was way, way more than what everyone around her ever expected. He loved her, not her father’s title or lands. And he loved her not in spite of her unusual, knightly demeanor but because of it.  And it wasn’t wishful thinking or all in her head or “but only as a friend.” Jaime Lannister, who was like, a five time winner of Westerosi Weekly’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” looked at Brienne of Tarth like this (so fuck you, Ronnet): 

Cersei saw Jaime as an extension of herself— her “other half” who got to have the kind of power and autonomy in society she desperately wished for herself because he was a man. Her feelings for him stemmed from narcissism and selfishness, dooming Jaime to virtually never being “good enough.”

Jaime also saw Brienne as everything he wished he could be— a true knight who was valiant and honorable, not because she was sworn to do so, but because she wanted to be. The difference here is that Jaime’s feelings for Brienne developed from admiration and respect and he is the one who didn’t feel worthy of her.

Because while Tyrion saw Jaime being with Brienne as Jaime finally allowing himself to be happy, I felt like Jaime saw it as being selfish. Telling Tyrion to “say something snide” made me think he was looking to be chastised. When Brienne tries to talk him out of dying with Cersei and tells him that he’s a good man, he nearly bursts into tears and reveals all of the worst things about himself. The most genuine and heartbreaking “it’s not you; it’s me” speech, like... ever.

If he truly believed that Brienne needed him, he would have stayed with her. We saw a long time ago that he was willing to leave the road that led back to Cersei to save Brienne from the bear pit, and risk his own life in the process. Just as he lost his right hand, his sword hand— when he believed that he “was that hand” and once said he’d rather die than be “grotesque”— to protect Brienne and keep her “whole.”

Even if it was only on a subconscious level, he obviously believed Brienne deserved to live more than he or Cersei did. But Brienne is safe after 8x03; the dead are defeated and she’s not only on the side with a damn dragon, she won’t even be expected to leave Sansa and Arya to fight. The only thing Jaime believes he’s doing for her is clouding her judgment, i.e. “tricking” her into thinking that he’s good and that he deserves her. In his mind, he did the same thing to Brienne that Cersei did to him. He thought Brienne would start making excuses for him, just as he had done so many times for Cersei. Look at his face and eyes when she says “You’re a good man.”

When Jaime told Tyrion that he “never cared” for innocents, I don’t believe he’s a Scooby-Doo villain removing his mask and saying, “Surprise! I’ve been an asshole all along.” It’s just the way he saw himself because he didn’t know how else to explain his mistakes, the (innocent) people he had hurt, or his inability to stop caring about Cersei even though she was horrible. We know that Jaime’s attachment to Cersei is unhealthy and the result of emotional abuse and other factors resulting from trauma. But Jaime saw it as proof he was a bad person.

He did for Brienne what (I can easily imagine) he wished Cersei had done for him— He tells Brienne that he’s hateful and effectively sets her “free” of him. When he perceived himself to be perpetuating the cycle of abuse, he stopped it (more “break the wheel” imagery?). Yeah, he did it in an awful, hurtful way but we have to remember that Jaime had no access to therapy, self-help books, advice columns, google, etc. He hadn’t had or even really seen a healthy relationship since his mother died when he was like seven. On top of that, his last real moment of pure love and acceptance was with Myrcella... about thirty seconds before she died in his embrace. That alone would screw up anyone. It’s tragic and devastating, but Jaime wasn’t in a place to make Brienne happy long term and he had absolutely no idea how to change that. It was easier to shut down those negative feelings when he could say, “I have a noble purpose: help stop ice demons and zombies from destroying the world.” When he couldn’t say that anymore, it got to be too much for him.

I’ve long thought that applying the “redemption arc” label to Jaime (or any asoif/got character, really) was a little too... simplistic. Like most major characters, Jaime has undoubtedly done some reprehensible things, the worst being his attempt to kill Bran. But unlike say Joffrey or Ramsay, Jaime’s thought process wasn’t, “Hey, let’s push this kid out of a window and see if his bones make a sweet crunching noise when he lands!”

He was thinking, “Oh, shit. This kid is probably too young to ‘play it cool’ for long around his parents after being threatened or bribed... And if he blabs, that’s my head cut off, Cersei’s head cut off, and if Joffrey, Tommen, and Myrcella aren’t immediately executed right behind us, they’ll be locked up until they’re old enough that people are less squeamish about chopping off their heads, too. And gee, I bet dear old Dad isn’t going to take that lying down...”

In a world as brutal as theirs, it’s difficult for me to condemn anyone too harshly for trying to protect themselves or their loved ones, provided they aren’t cavalier about collateral damage (for example, Cersei blowing up the sept with more than just her enemies inside and people in the surrounding area ending up getting crushed by the debris).

Early on, Jaime appeared to be arrogant, callous, and convinced that violence was an “easy solution.” As the series progressed, mostly through his growing friendship with Brienne, we discovered that a great deal of Jaime’s behavior was a defense mechanism.

After his “Kingslayer” persona slowly falls away, we eventually see “Jaime” (re)born in Brienne’s arms.

Soon, we even saw him gain a shiny, newly reforged Valyrian steel sword to go along with his new beginning . But he didn’t even have the sword very long before he turned around and gave it to Brienne— and kept the “tainted” Widow’s Wail for himself.

And when Brienne tried to return Oathkeeper,  that precious symbol of hope and honor and second chances, Jaime refused it and told her, “It’s yours. It will always be yours.” (Emphasis mine)

I know we were hoping that Brienne would “save” Jaime— and I firmly believe she was instrumental in saving his soul— but Jaime ended up ultimately saving Brienne. He saved her life, but he also saved her from an existence of loneliness and ridicule. In 4x02 (written by GRRM btw), Brienne tells Cersei, “In truth, he rescued me, Your Grace. More than once.”

Jaime was a flawed and deeply troubled person, but he tried his damnedest to give Brienne everything. No, he couldn’t literally do so— he couldn’t give her his whole, undamaged heart— but he still gave her so much: His admiration; his faith; his trust; his sword; his right hand; her protégé Podrick; helped her fulfill her vows and find good friends like Sansa, Tyrion, and Davos, and a kindred spirit in Arya; and made her dearest wish come true. What is that, if not love, of the truest and deepest kind?

Though Jaime likely thought his knighting of Brienne was merely a nice thing to do for her on their supposed last night on earth, it ended up having an unexpected and incredible impact once the North gained independence: Knights were already mainly a Southern thing and Brienne’s knighthood would have been absolutely worthless in an independent North. Sansa, being completely safe and secure and obviously knowing how much being knighted meant to Brienne, would assure her that she was released from her vow to Catelyn’s daughters. And so Ser Brienne is free to return to the Six Kingdoms, and offer her services to the new King, Cat Stark’s last surviving son. To Bran.

While Jaime once hurt Bran for Cersei’s sake and accidentally paved the way for years of war and destruction, Brienne, thanks to Jaime knighting her, will be able to dedicate herself to protecting Bran, insuring peace, and helping to rebuild.

All of the best parts of Jaime live on in Brienne and not just because she finished his entry in the Book of Brothers. She, and the doors that Jaime opened for her, are his legacy.

Brienne will be able to do the kinds of things Jaime wanted to do but couldn’t. She’ll help restore honor to the knighthood. There will be more Ser Briennes and Ser Davoses and Ser Podricks and fewer Ser Gregors, Ser Armorys, and Ser Meryns.

It truly baffles me to see people bitching about “wasted character arcs” and yet in the same breath are ready to throw Brienne and everything Jaime did for her away. Jaime’s character was frustrating and heartbreaking and maddening but it wasn’t a waste precisely because he made it possible for Brienne to have a bright future and a good life and it’s the proof that he truly was ultimately a much better person than his sister.

TL;DR:  If we must pigeonhole Jaime into the whole “redemption” thing, can’t we see that he did redeem himself through Brienne— by supporting her and validating her and making it possible for her to do the kind of great things he wished he could do himself?

PS: I’m fairly certain Jaime and Cersei’s ending was “softened” for the show, the way so many other characters and events have been. I highly doubt she’ll be pregnant and the idea that he was largely motivated to save their child certainly helped make the whole thing easier for me to swallow. As  Tyland Lannister, hand to the “broken King” Aegon III,  screams “Tyrion and Bran,” and Elissa Farman appears to be foreshadowing Arya’s similar journey/let’s us know it’s very possible she’ll survive... Aelora and Aelor Targaryen make me wonder if book Jaime will accidentally kill Cersei and then freak out and commit suicide. And if that’s the case, I’m glad the show went with something different, as rushed and clumsy as it was. I am glad that Jaime’s last moments weren’t violent or angry or otherwise cruel and didn’t have to add more to his overwhelming guilt and despair.

If he had to die, and especially if he had to die with Cersei, then it’s a good thing that he got to die as Joanna’s son— not Tywin’s— and as Tyrion’s brother— not Cersei’s. He got to die as the man who Brienne fell in love with: Someone who was brave and compassionate, fulfilling his oath, and being honorable in his way, even if it’s not in the way society (or the audience) understands or likes. Even though he was with Cersei, he remained as the man who could see— and love— the vulnerable human being beneath their “monstrous” exterior, just as he did for Brienne and Tyrion. Maybe Cersei didn’t “deserve” that, but Jaime certainly did. And in the White Book, when it’s said that Jaime died protecting his Queen, it’s not a lie. Which is the last thing Jaime would have wanted: “I'll hack the bloody book to pieces before I'll fill it with lies.”

I don’t know if Old Jaime would have intentionally hurt or murdered Cersei, but I definitely think he would have at least hurled out one last massive fuck you in a similar “why have the gods made me love a hateful woman?” way. He’d have reminded her that none of this would have happened if she wasn’t such a stubborn, vindictive wretch: If she hadn’t pushed Joffrey to ditch Sansa for Margaery, whose grandma ended up killing him; if she hadn’t tried to get Tyrion falsely executed, she wouldn’t have set off a chain of events that led to Tywin and Myrcella dying; if she hadn’t tried to screw over Margaery by giving the High Sparrow power; if she hadn’t blown up the Sept, Tommen wouldn’t have killed himself; if she had kept her promise to fight in the North; if she had just stepped down when Dany arrived, etc then maybe they wouldn’t about to damn near literally get crushed to death by all of Cersei’s bad decisions.

Old Jaime talked a lot of shit to people, presumably trying to make himself feel better. But he realized at some point, all it did was make them as miserable as he was. So in the end, when Cersei is so pitifully scared and sad, instead of getting pissed off or bitter, Jaime comforts her the best he can; an ability I don’t think he would have developed if it hadn’t been for his relationship with Brienne. We even see some rare moments of genuine selflessness from Cersei (“You’re bleeding” and “I don’t want our baby to die”). In Jaime and Cersei’s final moments, they act as close to normal siblings as they are capable, seeing as they don’t even try to kiss (thank goodness). This leaves Brienne as the last person Jaime kissed. And to me, that says it all.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled “Grey Worm and Missandei said ‘fuck you, Westeros’ after The Long Night and dropped Jaime and Brienne off at Tarth on their way to Naath” way of life. 

[gffa]

Master and Apprentice | by Claudia Gray I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO START TALKING ABOUT THIS, largely because there’s so, so much context that’s going into the bigger picture of the book, like starting with Qui-Gon’s whole spiel about how the Jedi Council doesn’t like anyone who disagrees with them, they only want people who lick their boots, then smash cut to two seconds later, they’re asking him to join precisely BECAUSE they value his different view on things, that they want more diversity. Then he starts becoming obsessed with these prophecies, he’s having visions that he can’t explain, and he literally snaps at Obi-Wan asking the mildest of questions, because it’s very clear that he’s defensive about not being able to explain all of this, but people should just trust him anyway, despite that he has no faith in them in return, when they don’t automatically agree with him. So then there’s this conversation and it’s so incredibly hypocritical that, even knowing what a huge fan the author is of the character, I cannot believe is not meant to be taken with the bigger picture being painted about how Qui-Gon Jinn is not a reliable narrator and also is very much on purpose being written as a huge hypocrite, because here’s the situation: Qui-Gon believes that the Jedi should go be back country farmers to work with small villages and connect with the Force, that this will ~somehow~ lead to them being able to do more to help people.  In other words:  Completely and utterly ignoring that politics aren’t just an annoying thing that the Council cares too much about but that they exist for a reason. Because, let’s say the Jedi did pull back from what small political influence they had?  How exactly are they supposed to have the authority to help people then?  Should they just go rogue instead?  Because that’s a spectacularly bad idea, not even just that the galaxy already doesn’t trust them because they fear their inherent abilities, but also because then they would band together and take down the Jedi real fast. But also it’s illustrated with EVERYTHING THAT RAEL AVERROSS IS DOING, he’s given a position where he actually can affect change on Pijal--though, he’s failing it in another spectacular illustration of just why attachment is bad, because he’s throwing away millions of lives for the sake of how much he cares ONLY about Princess Fanry--precisely because he’s a Jedi and they have worked within the political arena to some degree.  They work with the system and can actually do some good. Qui-Gon wants to ignore the law and just do what HE wants?  Because there’s an ENTIRE SUB-PLOT about him becoming obsessed with the prophecies and he’s no longer seeing things clearly, that he does ~what the Force wills him to do~, except because he’s stopped listening to anyone who disagrees with him (he literally snaps at Obi-Wan for the mildest of questions about how, well, are you sure about this, because your vision seems to very conveniently support what you want it to support?) and so he has no oversight and we’re whipping right back to Rael Averross being an example of how a Jedi needs to keep their shit together, needs to keep themselves in check, needs to listen not just to what they think the Force is telling them (because Qui-Gon may be right about a Chosen One, but boy does that sure fuck up the galaxy when Anakin fucks it up during ROTS, as George Lucas says, he defies his Fate, so the wheels Qui-Gon is putting into motion here are literally going to burn the galaxy down, MAYBE HE SHOULD BE TAKING A LITTLE MORE CARE??) because ALSO, there’s this whole bit about how, “Look, I know I misinterpreted my vision, but I was MEANT to misinterpret it, now I’m very sure of the new conclusion I’ve reached, HOW DARE YOU NOT BELIEVE ME.” in addition to, look, if something’s meant to come to pass, why do you have to be obsessed with making it happen? So, when Yoda says it’s not just about the people of Pijal, but it’s also about the other worlds that are starving in isolation, we have to work within the system to change the treaty, to create as much good as we can, Qui-Gon’s mad because it doesn’t just let him go rogue and do whatever he wants.  He has to answer to laws and rules, but he doesn’t want to actually do any work to change those laws and rules, he just wants to ignore them. But the absolute real kicker is:  Qui-Gon argues that the Jedi should be unchaining themselves from the corrupt Republic and just doing whatever they think is right.  He believes the Jedi are corrupt in the same way, that they’re not helping people by just doing what they think is right, instead working within the system. And then, when presented with a scenario where he could just go do EXACTLY AS HE BELIEVES IS RIGHT, he... doesn’t.  He doesn’t go rogue and free all the slaves on Pijal.  He doesn’t leave the Jedi, even though it’s explicitly clear that he knows he can.  He could go do all the things he’s so mad that they’re not doing, BUT HE DOESN’T.  HE DOESN’T DO SHIT ABOUT IT. Why?  Because, I think, deep inside, Qui-Gon knows that going rogue isn’t actually going to help a lot of people.  The ratio of Jedi to people in the galaxy is something like one in 20 BILLION.  One Jedi for 20 billion people.  And if they went rogue, if they just took over everything, then that’s a bad, bad road to go down, they even say so right there in the book, that would be WAY more than they should EVER do, that much controlling over other people.  That the only way to effect significant change is to do so from within the system and that sometimes it means you have to make some less than perfect choices.  Especially when there’s a bigger picture and twenty other things to consider rather than just this ONE specific thing you’re focused on.   (And this is why, despite that I don’t think it was intentional, Queen’s Shadow is an amazing complement to this book, in showing how the Republic made that incredibly difficult to achieve.) Qui-Gon offers no alternatives to what they should be doing, offers no reasonable solutions about how to not just go rogue or just take over and force themselves on the Republic as their rulers, and doesn’t even follow his own beliefs when he has the chance.  He shows no trust in his fellow Jedi, not even Obi-Wan, he keeps things from him multiple times, he doesn’t explain much to him, he gets mad when Obi-Wan doesn’t see things his way, then turns around and believes the worst of them even when they specifically value his different mindset, he still believes that they don’t have any faith in him. I know I’m being hard on Qui-Gon in this post, but I genuinely appreciate his character here, that this is the first time in a long time I’ve found myself interested in Qui-Gon Jinn and while, yes, he’s being an incredible hypocrite and kind of a real dickbag here, that doesn’t mean I think he’s a bad person.  I think he’s very much a good, kind, caring, compassionate person, someone who is coming from a good place, but that he’s angry that the galaxy doesn’t work the way he wants it to and refuses to compromise.  That he wants the Jedi to work the way he wants them to work, and when presented with reasons why that’s actually a really bad idea, he doesn’t like hearing it and falls back on a tunnel-visioned point that ignores bigger context, because it’s what he wants to do. Like, yes, absolutely, SLAVERY IS SUPER BAD, but the solution is not to charge in there with lightsabers blazing and ignore the political fallout that’s going to make millions of innocent people suffer.  Like, what’s the entire point of "helping” if it’s just going to make people suffer?  The point is to actually help people, as many as you can, to alleviate as much suffering as possible, and Qui-Gon’s not actually focused on that at all here. And, like, if you ignore context, it seems like Yoda doesn’t care about slaves, but that’s twisting what he’s saying.  What he’s saying is that there’s an even bigger picture going on here, millions more lives are on the line here, and if you ignore that, then a whole lot more people are going to suffer.  That these things DO NOT EXIST IN ISOLATION, no matter how much you want to ignore that inconvenient fact.  But, well:

And, as cute as that line is, as much as you can find clever solutions to things that weren’t technically in your mandate, no, the bigger picture facts didn’t change and Qui-Gon did nothing to attempt that.

[diguerra-moved]

For Illidan: T Y R A N D E

*     VALENTINE’S DAY ALPHABET   !    // accepting.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

He does c’: because he loved Tyrande since he was like, old enough to love anyone and realize it was love. Illidan never doubted for a single moment that what he felt for her was and would always be true love. That said, he doesn’t believe it in a sense of ‘meant to be together’, soulmates or anything of the sort. He did, in their youth, but as time passed and Tyrande never reciprocated his feelings, he came to see it differently, more that true love means it is strong and everlasting and he’ll never feel the same way about anyone else no matter how much he changes or how much time passes or how their paths diverge. To him, what he feels for Tyrande would be the definition of true love, reciprocated or not.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Incredibly easily. Even if he knows the other person to be very much capable of defending themselves, it is nearly instinctive — and Illidan, being impulsive as he is, will act on it immediately. This can be in relation to a physical danger/threat of any sort, or even towards verbal demeaning/aggression of any sort. If there is any sort of reason for him to feel protective, Illidan will; and to be fair, sometimes he will act protective even if there isn’t a reason for it. If he perceives anything as a reason, even if just in possibility, or in the case of a misinterpretation on his part, he’ll get protective all the same, and he’ll tend to attack/lash out even before anything concrete is done because he is Like That.

That said, this only applies to the few people he really cares about. He can be protective to an extent of people he’s not particularly close to if the situation calls for it and there’s at least some sort of friendliness between them, but even that is not a common occurrence. Everyone else can die in a ditch tbh he doesn’t care c:

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

Regardless of timeline, I think he would declare himself a cynic, but that wasn’t always true. Illidan had a very romanticized view of things in his youth; it’s easy to perceive that in the very way he acts about Tyrande. He loves her, and he wants her to choose him (and hopes and believes she will), but for that he has to prove himself worthy of her. Lots of his bad decisions come from that, because he feels he has to win over her feelings for him, that he has to prove himself, and he thinks being the most powerful is how he’s going to do that (and failing to understand Tyrande at all rip Illidan). But yeah, it is a very romantic belief, that his love for her is true and that he has to be worthy of her for her to love him back, while also believing he will succeed and they will be together. Not only that, Illidan is very passionate in general, and could be said to have some idealistic views even after his transition into his more demonic version: he believes in sacrifices made to achieve an important purpose, he believes he’ll save the world (the universe, later on) from the Legion, a permanent salvation that while it wouldn’t end all that is wrong about the world, would free it of the most dire threat possible (the way he sees it).

That said, when it comes to relationships specifically, he did become a cynic over the years. The two moments that cemented that transition, and that made him lose all faith in bonds of any sort, romantic or otherwise, were all about Tyrande and Malfurion. The first one was when he was imprisoned. He felt strongly justified in the need of doing what he was doing, but Malfurion sent him to jail and Tyrande stood by his brother’s choice. The second is after sacrificing his very soul to stop corruption of spreading throughout the forest, Malfurion banished him for becoming a demon and Tyrande, once again, stood by his choice. They were undoubtedly the closest bonds Illidan had his entire life; Malfurion was his twin, and they didn’t have family beyond each other, and Tyrande their inseparable friend, and later the one Illidan fell in love with. That in spite of that the two of them made the choices they did in regards to him ended any belief he had in people, because if the two he trusted the most turned out like that, there is no way he’s going to trust anyone else only for them to turn out the same.  He became very skeptical of relationships ever being true or lasting. It is a defense mechanism, really, so when people let him down, there’s no surprise in that.

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

As someone who always felt like he had to constantly prove himself, either because of his ‘destined to greatness’ status or because he felt he was in the shadow of his brother, acknowledging someone’s skills and qualities through compliments is definitely a demonstration of affection on his part, because it is, to Illidan, a way to show them he sees them and those awesome things about them, and he appreciates them. When it comes to a romantic relationship in specific, those will be a lot more, hm, flourished; he can be smooth with words when he wants to, but usually in a way that’s not subtle and really overdoing it. 

It might not seem like that, but his protectiveness is also a display of affection. He’s not protective of people he doesn’t care for, and he’ll always strive to try to keep people he does care for safe. Happy, too; he will go to great lengths to cheer up someone he loves, even if he goes about it in a completely wrong manner and doesn’t get the expected result kajsnfkjasndf His concern for the person is also a manner of showing affection. He will be concerned about big things, but this mostly manifests through small things, such as caring for them getting enough rest, being comfortable, etc.

Physical gestures aren’t common on his part, and neither are they always tied with affection. 

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

He tends to rough and domineering, but will be incredibly gentle and considerate with someone he has feelings for. He’s always mindful of his partner’s pleasure, though that is sometimes more for himself than it is for them iasidufnjskdnf Illidan also refuses not to be a top unless Tyrande will top him.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Before, it would have been something real fancy and standard romance, like planning an entire evening that would include things they both liked and allow him to spoil his partner but also to be seen with them because if he’s dating someone he definitely wants people to see them together and be jealous because there’ll never be a better couple ever. Said partner would have been Tyrande ofc.

But then his life turned awful he was imprisoned for ten thousand years became a demon kinda and while he can appreciate fine things, he doesn’t care as much for them anymore. Neither would he care about being seen, and would likely prefer something more private and intimate instead.  

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

He doesn’t. His not a fan of hugs, and I don’t think he ever was; which isn’t to say he avoids them, necessarily, but also that he definitely does 90% of the time. Malfurion and Tyrande were probably the two people who were ever allowed to hug him, and the only ones who’d have gotten Illidan hugs that weren’t that sort of awkward I’m-hugging-you-because-I-can’t-be-impolite-and-push-you-away sort of hugs. His nice hugs tend to be protective and comforting, very warm and unexpectedly soft.

[the-nysh]

I find myself unable to think of Bakugou in any way more positive than "dislike", because he reminds me too much of the people who made my life miserable when I was growing up. (Not that it makes him bad; it's just my emotions.) Do you've any advice on how to bend my mind around that? I don't need to LOVE him, just mentally separate "him" and "the people who make grade school suck for me" so I won't irrationally hate him, because I don't LIKE hating characters.

Hi there! I’m glad to see you come forward, especially tosomeone who’s a big fan of him, after happening to see how far you’veventured through my tags already (whoa dedication!) to seek possible answers or further clarity about this,especially if it’s something that’s still bothering you, oraffecting/preventing you from fully enjoying the series. Because of that, I cantell how serious and genuine you feel about this, so I will take this seriouslyas well. 

(Below, 1800+ words)

Another thing is that it’s okay to feel this way, your personal experiences are still valid,and there’s no obligation to force your feelings otherwise, or subject yourselfto content that may be uncomfortable for you. Please continue to take all theprecautions needed (blocking/blacklisting) for an enjoyable and productivefandom experience. But understanding that even if the characters may havecoincidental similarities to our pasts, they are not direct projections of us, the people in our lives, or our realities.Their world is not ours. So this awareness is another good step to have, tobegin seeing the story (and characters) more openly, objectively and closer tohow Hori originally intended.

Since you’re willing to learn more, and as you may have already seenfrom my content here, Bakugou (Kacchan)became my definitive fav character of the series, but not for thoselingering resentments mentioned. The compelling character I see is so much morebeyond that first ch’s established baseline, which was narratively placed and designedto contrast against who he becomes later on. As a means to gauge and appreciatehis growth and the journey of how far he’s changed into becoming a proper,well-rounded, better person and inspirationalhero. The kind of emotional narrativefocus that always gains my interest and priority to see develop. Already, theperson he is now at 215+ chs is not the same as who he was at ch1 (neither ishe the flanderized, fanon stereotype many have been misled or indoctrinated tofirmly believe he is), and he will keepon developing as the story marches on. I am fully on board to witness thathappen. 

The challenge now, is not letting his initial baseline impression(or the feelings from your own separate –but equally valid– experiences, oreven the vitriol from others) stain or cloud that entire slow-burn progressionof the story going forward. Otherwise the important milestones and insightsinto his character that Hori leaves along the way (which can sometimes bedifficult to see from Deku’s limited pov) end up getting obscured, ignored, oroutright rejected from an internalized feeling of ‘hatred’ that tends to blockout anything newly introduced that would challenge that preconceived perceptionof him. However, to mentally reject such change and prevent the valuedimprovement of a growing person (a learning child in his formative years, forinstance), to otherwise keep the status quo static and unmoving, to permanentlystay rooted exactly the same way as thestart…would in fact be a much more toxic/harmful mindset to have, and actuallydefeats the purpose of telling a proper story as well. 

Setbacks to that challenge unfortunately include thewidespread availability of biased mistranslations (even from official sources),poor/oversimplified characterizations from non-canon content(movies/novels/merch, etc) that’s not written directly by Hori, because all thesethings just reinforce and exacerbate the problem of inflating fanon stereotypesand those preconceived notions that people have already solidified in theirminds as true (when they often aren’t). It gets even worse, and ironicallyhypocritical, when those same people start feeling justified they can go out oftheir way to attack others (includingthe author) for how to ‘properly’ enjoy and interpret the series (for beingdifferent or ‘incorrect’ from the perceptions they believe to be right). Butwhat’s happened is they’ve begun to blindly act on feelings multiple levels sofar removed from what actually is (whatexists as presented within canon, vs what they believe in fanon, vs what exists separately that may beplaguing these people’s real lives), that by then, that kind of maladjustedsocial behavior is inexcusable. Stepping back and realizing when things start crossinglines irrationally out of hand, to prevent that kind of behavior from happeningin the first place, (and again, by taking measures to block/blacklist stuff thataggravates or makes you feel uncomfortable), is the much wiser approach toparticipating and enjoying fandom. So that no matter what happens or what otherssay, they can’t impact or ruin what you love about the series.

Which in my case, includes Kacchan’s character. Basedon what Hori has consistently presented in canon, I can conclude and freely admithe’s the only character I can fully trust. Amazing, right? Because he hasabsolutely nothing to hide. Everything he does (not through his harshwords/temperament, but through his genuine actions),is extremely forthright and honest. He does not half-ass things or hide anyother ulterior motives or malicious intent beyond his dedication to become the best hero. And he takes that goal very seriously. Striving for and expectingexcellence from himself (and all themental pressure that self-imposed perfectionism brings) and others. Currently in the manga that includes Deku now too, whomhe willingly goads (showing support in his own way) and checks in on for hisprogress too.

Remember his fights in the sports tournament, how he takesall challengers with equal commitment/opportunity (gender does not matter),provided they give him their best inturn as well, because to do otherwise –to go easy on them or hold back– wouldbe disrespectful and underestimating an opponent. There’s a very just and admirablehonor in that. Remember how he can’tstand anyone looking down on him, which includes how he misinterpreted Deku’sfeelings of admiration for disdain(he could not accurately read Deku’s intentions, and became so perplexed by himthat he assumed the worst: that Deku looked down on him instead). Considering the level of seriousness and effort he alwaysputs forth, to be confronted with the opposite would be personally insulting.

Remember when the villains invited him to join their ranks(because they misread and shallowly judged his character), he stuck to his idealsand outright refused their offer.(Boldly exploding villains in the face~) Risking death over playing it safe andlying to pretend to follow along totheir whims. (How brave and badass is that?!) Kacchan does not lie, cheat theeasy way out, or do things he’s not feeling or doesn’t agree with. Again, honesty. Becoming a villain, a traitor,or betraying those who’ve earned his trust? Absolutely no chance. Afterlearning AM’s secret and finally understanding/rectifying everything that didn’tadd up about Deku, would he go behind their backs by breaking promises? No way.Again, most trustworthy character. 

Rereading the story a second time over, but from his perspective, practically doubled myappreciation and enjoyment of the series. Thinking about how the foundations oftheir society impacted his world views at such a young age, to the very betrayal he must have felt thinking achildhood friend lied to him aboutsomething as important/vital as a quirk. (And if we already know how he feelsabout cheating liars…hmm, faithful loyaltynow feels like a valued trait.) Other factors include his relatable giftedchild syndrome, all the complexes born from that, and for how extremely intelligent,competent, and much more calmly calculating he is than his short temper may lead one to believe. How he was oncea ‘big fish in a small pond’, now thrust into the ocean to compete among evenother bigger fish, with the pressure to both succeed and prove himself…all whilehis previous world views are checked and challenged every step of the way.

For years he’d been valued and praised for only the promisingpotential and primary trait of his strong quirk. (The reinforcement for his badbehavior on the other hand? Not valued with the same proper attention.) Alreadythat’s an unfortunate consequence of their quirk-filled, hero-commodified society. Think of justhow shallow/fake groupies would be, or how annoying and hollow it would feel tohave people cling to him just for that (for talent and skills over his meritsas a person), and just how difficult forming genuine, natural bonds would be… (Becomingself-reliant now becomes another added pressure he has to juggle on his own.) Beforequirks had ever entered the picture and complicated things further, Deku was probablyconsidered the closest friend he had. Until…misunderstandings happened, andthen the only thing he wanted was for Deku to stay away from him. (A misconception is that Kacchan actively soughtDeku out, when it’s actually the opposite: Kacchan only reacted if Dekuencroached on him too closely.) Because he feared how Deku made him feel,forcing him to face his own shortcomings, and address perceptions of reality hedid not want to face. Because for someone he perceived as the weakest, to boldly goagainst that and do what Deku did (help him out of concern/kindness, but thatintent only read as pitying to him),made him feel even below that. And what’slower than the low of the weakest/most useless? Pretty ouch, so stop followingand stay back. Yet Deku just kept on coming back no matter what, for reasons hecouldn’t yet understand. (Deku felt genuine care and admiration for him, whichKacchan hadn’t realized, so gah, dramatic irony.) His changing feelings, correctinghis attitude, and clarifying his relationship to Deku, who continually challengesand defies his very worldview and perception of weakness, brings a whole otherfascinating draw to the series, which would take a whole other essay to fully analyze(but which many other fans have thoroughly done so already). 

Further considerations include his struggles facing other relatablefeelings. How he confronts the pain and weight of experiencing loss, survivor’sguilt, and assessing powerlessness and the inability to save situations beyondhis control. Internalizing self-doubt, hatred, failure, and inferiority…because‘if only he were stronger.’ What Isee is a child overburdened by expectations and responsibilities beyond hisyears…who has to learn to process and overcome many of those same feelings I’vealready gone through and had to come to terms with growing up. (The very reasonhe’s often and endearingly referred to as a ‘son.’) The majority of adults inhis life assumed he was already ‘strong enough’ and ‘fine’ on his own, theyneglected to give him proper mental guidance going forward (AM even admitsthis). And we unfortunately see the tragic consequences of that. But fortunately,things are getting better, and Hori’s story for him still isn’t over yet.   

Overall, what I see is the chance for an excellent,multi-layered, and well-written character to become even better. And that’s why his narrative is so particularly engaging. Doeshe remind me of the kids that once made certain social aspects of grade schoolinsufferable? No, because that’s not who he is; he’s so far removed and beyond them, that they’ve become extras whono longer matter anymore. Instead of lingering on such negatives, it’s insteadthe positive aspects about him that shine through even stronger. The fact heisn’t perfect, but deeply flawed and learning to address his shortcomings in nowmore productive ways. This progression and growth makes him interesting, and combinedwith the many other traits I’ve mentioned above, favored and loved bymany. Although ultimately I can’t change your opinion about him (that’s stillup to you to decide, and it’s ok to still dislike characters), hopefully I’veintroduced new ways of perceiving and appreciating his character for you. Tohelp see some of the positives that Deku always valued in him as a drivingsource of inspiration too: to strive hard despite life’s setbacks, and win. ‘He may be a jerk, but he’s amazing.’

[audarkmist]

The Parable of The Talent.

- Source Desiring God.

For the longest time I didn’t understand the parable of the talent (Matthew 25:14-30). In the parable three men with different amounts of talents have to give an account to God. It just seemed a bit scary to my flesh. The last man who was punished had said “I was afraid because I knew you were a hard man” (Luke 19:21). 

We don’t have time to read the whole thing, but here is the idea: This is the parable of the talents, where five talents are given to one person, two are given to another, and one is given to the last person. The one with one talent buries it, and he gives a reason for why he buried it: “I knew you were a hard master, so I didn’t risk losing the talent that you gave me. Here is your talent. I just buried it”. All we are told is that the master apportioned the amounts “to each according to his ability”.

I don’t think Jesus accepts that assessment of himself by that man whom he gave the one talent to. He doesn’t accept that he was a hard master. I think the translators are right to make verse 26 a question: “You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed?”. That’s a question. What Jesus is saying is, “If you really believe that, you would have acted differently. You are a fool if you thought I was a hard man. It was a foolish thing to do. In fact, you didn’t know that I was a hard man. I’m not a hard master. I do not demand obedience from people to whom I have given no grace.”

I think that’s the interpretation of “you reap where you did not sow.” At the last judgment, it will be plain to all the world that all disobedience is in spite of much truth and much grace. God has sown his seeds everywhere like in the parable of the seeds. He laid out seeds everywhere but for one reason of another (the devil, trials, etc) the plants did not grow. God is not reaping where he does not sow because he has sown his seeds everywhere even in the bad soil. 

Paul gives the principle in 2 Corinthians 8:12. He says, “For if the readiness [to give, to be generous] is there, it is acceptable according to what a person has, not according to what he does not have.” That’s a flat-out contradiction of what the man said who buried the one talent. Jesus does not demand fruit where he has not sown seed. He only wants him to use what he has been given which is any light, truth or talents. The man may not have as many talents as others but he is only required to use what he does possess. 

The real picture of the master in this parable is found in Matthew 25:21 and Matthew 25:23, where he is thrilled with the first two servants. He gave them more than they had started with out of the abundance of his love.  He says to both of them exuberantly, “Well done, good and faithful servants.” Then he adds something, and this is why I said it’s exuberant. He doesn’t say, “Enter into the loyal workforce of your master — I’m recruiting really effective slaves.”

What does he say? He says at the last day, “Enter into the joy of your master.” That’s not a hard master. That is a happy master, eager to include the workers in the joy of his house, where he’s happy — not his field, where he’s making demands. 

Is he a hard master? But wait. Listen to this: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30). The man did not see the love of God. He assumed things about the character of the Almighty. It could have been from misinterpretations or false information. 

In this parable, Jesus clearly wants us to ponder the less talented servant. He doesn’t give us many specifics, but let’s consider one possible reason why the one-talent servant was distrustful and resentful toward his master and so didn’t invest his talent. The servant considered the master unjust, so he distrusted his master. Why did he think this way? Nothing else in the parable points to the master’s unfairness. It appears that something in the servant was fueling this perception of the master. What was it? It could be anything from jealousy of social skills, to jealousy of beauty, to jealousy of talents and so on. Being given less talents when others have been given more talents can appear unfair to a proud heart. The reason I don’t have to look far is because I see how my own pride responds to more talented servants. I am tempted to covet the talents others have and wonder why my Master didn’t give me more talents.

The way it typically manifests in me is discouragement and self-pity. Emotionally, I feel like a loser. And, to be honest, there are times I fantasize about moving to a quiet cabin somewhere in the woods to escape the pressures that expose my lesser talents and just read books. I wouldn’t have to be reminded of my lack of social abilities or grace if I lived alone. You know what that is? It’s a sinful, talent-burying fantasy. All that feeling bad about myself, it’s all about me. It’s a form of self-worship. I stop caring about others so I can focus on my own pride breaking down. Gone is love for my Master. Gone is love for anyone else. Gone is the wonder over the grace that I received anything from the Master at all. Gone is the realization that even one talent is a huge amount and way more than I deserve. All my love for God or others just diminish as my pride comes tumbling down.

The master gave the servant fewer talents and that meant fewer opportunities and less capacity for the servant to distinguish himself and therefore he saw the master as a hard, unjust man. So he buried his talent and indulged his own wickedness. He buried what he did receive in talents so he could live a life of fear or self protectiveness. Pride infects all of us sinful servants no matter how many talents we have or think we have. This parable he warns less talented servants to beware of the way pride can dangerously warp our perspective.

Side note.

A similar thing happened with Moses. Moses refused a calling from God. It came with a list of excuses that would be normal excuses. Moses is basically like “Oh I cannot prophesy for you because I am slow to speak, I am not a smooth speaker, I am not a charmer, I have no art of persuasion in me”. Basically “I have no been given this talent”. 

God basically says “I will be with you”. Moses is like “Nooooo I don’t wanna do it I don’t currently have the gift for it. I think you forgot to give me this gift so it must not be my true calling or I would be eloquent and it would be easy!”. It says in (Exodus 4:14) “Then the Lord’s *anger* burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you “(Exodus 4:14). God was angry that Moses did not trust him since his mouth was formed by Him. God knew his limitations better than anyone and came to fulfill it’s place. In the end God was so gracious he let Moses’s brother help him. He sent him assistance to help him in his lack of faith. 

What must be done? As always if this happens we must repent and believe. 

Repent of pride. This parable shows us less talented servants the spiritual danger of pride. When we are wise if we stay alert to the ways self-pity and discouragement It might feel like we need comfort, when what we really need is to repent.

Trust the Master. Our Master is not unfair in his apportionment of talents. He has wise purposes, and if we know our Bibles well, we know that God’s purposes are often far different than our perceptions of them. The ones with less talents well less is asked of them. He does not reap where he does not sow. God is a loving master who lavishes rewards and love. Trust him (Proverbs 3:5–6). 

C.S. Lewis said, “Christ is hard to satisfy and easy to please,” which simply means (and I think that’s right) his standards are infinitely high — he is God — but oh how ready he is to say, “well done” to a faithful, imperfect servant. He’s gracious. He’s God, so his standards are infinite. But he’s gracious, so he loves to say, “Well done.” He loves when we trust Him and use their little talents with their whole heart. He does not reap where he does not sow as he sows everywhere.

My sources which 99% is copy pasted from (with minor edits)... 

Hardmasterandinstrusivethoughts.

Itsnotatalentshow.

[lostinruans]

Those Two Days

Ok. So I’m quite hesitant to post. Because I generally know who is reading and watching (although I dont know when or how or why they read). And this gets me angsty and insecure. Like it’s a safe space for me to post, but I get afraid to share some things. Or everything. Or don’t know how to prevent things from possibly being misinterpreted or misread (which most things prob are or will be because I’m wild and inconsisten with my feelings) but here goes Lolol.

(Actuat post starts here):

Ok. So: yeah. Lolol. Ooo awk start.

Ok. So we haven’t met in a while. A part was that we’re both busy and our schedules don’t seem to align or at first glance they don’t. We’ve just been Coexisting, but more like existing on separate lines and planes and then sometimes meeting because of preexistent measures and events etc. Another part is that I’m not watching your child. This was partly willing and partly unwilling, but opened an opportunity to work Tuesday’s because Monday’s are trash, literally. They’d make me take out and clean the trash and trash cans and it’s not as fun or easy as it sounds- even with a power washer. But it was also unwilling since I’m mostly okay with watching your child and it gives me a break from regular life and work. But whatever. I’m angsty.

Anyways Lolol. So you asked to meet. And I literally was like “uhhhhh.” Because i didn’t know what to say, but also didn’t know what it’d say if we met ?75 also because I wasnt ready, but also because it has been a long long while. And I’ve been told before, many times, to not hide or run from others, especially you. But I think it’s just hard when you have so much emotionally processing, but when you try to explain or bring it to others, it’s harder to put into words. It’s also hard to talk to someone about faith when you’ve been feeling like dry, dead, or rotting fruit, or that you say you feel nothing From God but you aren’t really “trying.” But even when you try, there’s not much of anything at all. like there have been prayers repeated weekly. Prayers spoken and whispered until I cried. And I’ve just been this stump in the ground, not knowing if I’m living or dead; growing or rotting.

But anyways Lolol. That’s not the point of this post. The point is that, the day you asked, I said we would talk about It later. But that was an excuse. I just wanted to delay what was mostly inevitable. I wanted to meet, but i was anxious and scared and uncertain. (But honestly, how pathetic is it that after like 4 years I’m still running and hiding). But later that night, a bunch of people came to fellowship so we didn’t even have time to touch base. And the car ride was... ehhhhhh. It was me wearing an emotional paper bag on my head. Buttttt yeah. Back to the stuff. So that was Friday. And Saturday and Sunday was mostly me doing stuff related to school and work, but also me dealing with the bits of the “issue” still picking at the sides of my heart. And I think I wasnt sure how or when to ask, but also I’m just super awkward in general which made it all the more difficult.

And so, I kinda sorta or whatever stirred up “courage” to passively ask about meeting up. Through messenger (LOLOLOLOL I’m so weak and sad). And no reply. Ok that’s cool. You’ve got your own fam and work and stuff. And then you read it. And I saw that you read it. And I was like, ok he’s prob chillen with his fam or eating dinner. That’s cool. I’ll wait. But no reply. So I’m just thinking about the read message. And l here is where the fall begins.

In total, it was at most two days later (Sunday night, vs Tuesday something) where I didnt have guts to “bump” the post, to which you said you didn’t have your schedule sorted out. And in my mind i was thinking “oh cool” but also “bruh” but also “why didn’t you say that earlier instead of letting me over think and dramaticize these false scenarios in my wicked head.” Haha. So dramatic. But no, like. Everything that could’ve gone or went work, went on in my head during those two days you left me blank.

One of the first things I thought was simply that you were busy. But no, busy wasn’t enough. To me, busy means you’ve got other places to go, other people to talk with, other things that you need to tend to. And you’ve got a kid and another one on the way. But Busy people make me feel like shit. Hahaha. Not that it’s bad to be busy, but it just shoves the idea back up my mind that I’m not worthy right now. That my meeting or my issues are not of high value because of everything else in life. And I feel bad because I feel incredibly selfish and needy. And I stop. I avoid it because I dont want to be a burden, when each has their own load of burdens to carry already. And like. Yikes. Yeah.

And the second thing I thought of was another stem from the root of selfishness, which was Why did I swerve. Like, why didn’t I just say “sure I’d love to meet” or “of course. It’s been a while,” but instead I was so dumb and weird and awkward and just replied “uhhhhhh// let’s talk about it later.” And like, my excuse would’ve been that I was at work, but the reality of it is that I didnt know if i wanted to meet. Which is selfish in that a meeting includes more than one person or party, and by, in a sense, denying the desire to meet, I also deny the other party’s request and desire to meet. And that’s rude lol. But from this, I despised myself even further for being so self absorbed in thinking that this meeting was for me or was based on my need and want.

And another thing I thought was about all the past mentors I’ve had before, which was “oh no. I did it again. I pushed away yet another person. Another person who just cared and I didnt try to care or love as much. Or I cared too much and hurt both of us.” Like I felt that I am too difficult to love and care for. I imagined patience must’ve gone dry, or consideration had gone stale. That I’m so emotionally and socially draining, depressing, fruitless and hopeless that maybe even you, the one of the most graceful people I know, that you, one of the most spoiling and over considerate and kind people i know, had finally given up on me. That you, too, see that the crops you’ve been given watching so carefully and intently had yet to provide fruit. That after four years, the fruit i had produced were rotten and wicked and cursed or had only lasted an hour, if lucky perhaps a day or two.

And so I hate myself for this, but I also, deep in the back of my head, wonder why you didn’t just save me from all this and say you didn’t have your schedule sorted out on Sunday. Or instead of leaving my publicly known crazy, wicked mind on a two and beyond day trip, that you just say “lemme get back to you. Like anything. Something.

A word, a phrase. Something to tell me I’m not being ignored or brushed under the rug. Like yeah. You’re busy. But a word tho lol. Or something. Or a “hey sorry brb” lol. Something to tell me I’m not trash or somewhat of worth. Like yikes.

Those days, those two single sad ass days. I’m so tired from thinking like this and from processing from rotting piles of most likely false situations that I cant even stay awake for work.

I’m such a sad person. Why am I like this.

Yay. Feels so good to feel bad.

Lol. I don’t even know the purpose of this post anymore haha. Nice. Just like me and my life, I dont know the purpose either. And that’s such a good feeling. Thanks, God. You’re so good at helping me grow. ☺️

[snappingsound]

Summerland

Happy Halloween, everyone! I really wanted to begin posting Part III today, but it’s just not quite ready. I have a few more chapters to finish up and then an editing pass. So I thought I’d post this instead. This ditty takes place in the same world, but is along a different timeline. It is tangentially related to the main story of A Snapping Sound. I had lots of fun writing it. Hopefully you spooks will enjoy it too. 

Alice Fox did not believe in ghosts. In fact, she didn’t believe in much of anything. It was a constant thorned crown of pain to her devoutly Christian mother and father, and a source of bemusement to her recently converted Jewish older brother, Parker. Faith, and the dearly departed, more than politics, was the one topic best avoided in the Fox den.

So why was she working the reception in a haunted ‘museum’?

It was a question that, just this morning, Alice had been asking herself more often than not. She had opened the museum one hour ago. Already, an older woman had fainted on the morning tour from a ghost-story induced panic attack. Alice had already been already asked five times if she had ever experienced any paranormal activity while at work, and, on top of all that, had been cornered into hearing the long and bloodied past of a guest’s Palm Springs condo.

It wasn’t even ten in the morning.

Alice let out a small groan and, instead of letting her head fall onto the wooden surface of the receptionist desk like it wanted to do, she tilted it up at the ceiling. Her curly brown hair fell away from her face as she squinted two equally brown eyes up at the museum’s infamous ruby chandelier.

“Disneyland,” she whispered, a reminder. Or, more of a pep talk.

That was why she worked here, and would remain working here all summer long. She needed exactly four-hundred and seventy-two dollars to fly to Anaheim with the rest of her high school orchestra. She played the Viola. And while she wasn’t one for animated movies, she loved theme parks. More specifically— roller coasters. Also, she had never been out of Ohio. Her parents weren’t ones to travel, and her family rarely had spare cash.

Most of the time, working the museum wasn’t so bad. It had air conditioning and free coffee. In between tours was hours of downtime where Alice could do her homework or watch YouTube. Once in awhile a guest would wander in without making a reservation, and she would deal with them, but for the most part the entryway remained quiet.

It really was a pretty place to work, too.

Alice took in the restored frescoed ceiling and the delicate Victorian lace trimmings. Far, far above her head on the domed ceiling, lions and wolves leaped and chased prey, tearing fur and skin apart, their eyes staring directly down at anyone that passed beneath. The morning sunlight refracted off the absurdly intricate ruby chandelier, making their eyes seem to glow red.

If she was easily spooked, or believed any of the rumors of this place, spending hours alone in this hallway would have gotten in her head. It was why her boss paid her even more than any of the guides. He couldn’t find anyone else who felt comfortable sitting alone in this house. Alice didn’t understand it, but hey, why question a gift horse?

A hollow clunk jolted her out of her thoughts, jerking her attention from the ceiling.

A tall, fit boy with creamy dark skin smiled. In one hand he held a mug of coffee. With the other, he pushed a second mug across the table. “Wilmot Morgan,” he said, by way of a greeting.

Another very strong case for not quitting: Bishop Lee, or as everyone called him, Hopper. He was a Senior and Alice had spent the past year crushing on him. She wasn’t alone. Almost every girl at Casper High crushed on Hopper at some point or another. It was because he was a good head taller than every other boy his age and he was steadfastly shy. His introversion had been misinterpreted as enigmatic. It didn’t help that, in her overly superstitious hometown of Amity Park, Hopper’s Native American heritage placed him squarely in the ‘folklore’ category, whether he liked it or not.

While Alice’s crush had definitely centered around his high cheekbones and kind hazel eyes, the way her class exotified him not only infuriated her, but had been what, ultimately, forced her to let go of her crush and get to know him as a friend.

This past summer she had shared more sentences with Hopper than she had the past five years of elementary, junior, and high school. And while she certainly still liked him, she was no longer paralyzed with affection whenever he swung by her desk. During those daily desk visitations, Alice had learned he harbored a meganerd obsession with this house and a strong belief in spirits, which made him a lot less mysterious and a whole lot sillier.

Alice realized Hopper was staring at her expectantly, although his grin had faded a bit.

“Sorry, what?” she asked. She reached out and grabbed the mug from him. It said I SEE DEAD PEOPLE on the side. Hopper had most certainly picked it out on purpose.

“The ceiling. It was painted by Wilmot Morgan in 1902,” Hopper explained, taking a sip from his own mug and shooting the fresco a fond glance. “A commission.”

“He was a very detailed artist,” Alice entertained.

“She,” Hopper corrected. “Morgan was a woman.”

Alice blinked. She took in the ceiling again, in a different light.

Most of their conversations revolved solely around the house itself— never about homework, or school, or family life. Alice could never tell if this was Hopper’s way of trying to get her to believe, or if it he found those other topics too painful or too boring to bring up.

He raised his mug in a cheers. “You should—”

“Go on one of your tours,” Alice interrupted. “Yes, I know. Unfortunately, my job is to man the front desk.”

“You might learn something.” Hopper took a long sip from his mug. His usually sparkling eyes hollowed out and his grin twisted into more of a grimace. “My people say this house sits atop sacred land. An Indian chief was buried long before it was ever built. That’s why the land is cursed.”

Despite herself, Alice felt a chill run down her spine. “Are you serious?” She had meant it to come out sarcastic, but her body betrayed her.

Hopper’s haunted expression cracked and he let out a short laugh. “No, Alice. There’s no stupid Indian burial ground. That’s just a bunch of crap white people made up.”

“I knew that,” Alice blurted. She hid her burning cheeks behind her coffee mug, taking a big, flustered, sip. It burned. She forced herself to swallow it instead of spit it back out to avoid any further mortification.

“I hope you’re not saying stuff like that to the guests,” a voice grumbled.

Hopper winced and spun. “Of course not, Mr. Lancer. Guides speak only truth,” he recited.

Coming from down the hall, Mr. Lancer paused and spared the two of them a suspicious look, though it was hard for him to see Hopper’s face considering Hopper was abnormally tall and Lancer had developed a rather bad hunch in his old age. “Enough actually happened here. We don’t need to further encourage rumors and hearsay,” Lancer warned.

A blanket of gloom descended over the entryway.

Mr. Lancer had personally known the teenagers that died here. It was the reason he had founded this museum in the first place. Whenever her boss mentioned what happened, Alice couldn’t help but feel a tinge of remorse for being so unaffected by the house’s past.

Lancer didn’t make Hopper uncomfortable. Quite the opposite, Lancer’s stories fascinated him. Hopper had also worked here a lot longer than her. Alice supposed she’d get used to Lancer eventually.

“Good morning, Alison,” Lancer greeted.

“Morning.” She didn’t know if she would classify it as ‘good’.

It seemed to satisfy Lancer, though, who handed her a sheet of paper with the list of attendees for the noon tour, and shuffled back down the hall towards his office.

Alice plucked the paper and scanned the list. “Twenty-seven,” she counted.

Hopper whistled. More people meant a bigger tip pool for the guides to split at the end of the day. “I should go change.”

Movement out on the very edge of her gaze caused Alice to peer at the second floor railing. She had sworn she had seen a dark shape, like a cat or a raccoon, but there was nothing. Some of the rubies in the great chandelier casted jewel shine on the wallpaper up there and whenever a breeze passed through it gave the sensation that the wallpaper was crawling. That had probably been it.

When she took in the room again, she found herself alone. Hopper must have gone to grab his uniform. She had missed him leave. Alice sighed, a little disappointed, and instead set about logging the number of people attending the tour onto the museum’s spreadsheet.

A knock on the door interrupted her as the computer booted up.

“It’s open,” Alice called.

It wasn’t uncommon for guests to knock instead of freely enter the museum. The museum was a house, so it was a bit weird to walk straight inside without knocking first, but it meant Alice had to get up from her desk to open the door constantly. After her first week, she had even made a sign that said ‘Come on in!’ and had taped it next to the door handle. Still, some guests continued to knock first.

When the knock happened again, Alice gave up, sliding off her stool and opening the door. “Next time, you don’t have to knock. You can just walk right in,” she said, trying be as polite as possible, while still being informative.

A boy around her own age tilted his head. “Really?” he asked, still standing on the doormat, despite the fact that Alice was holding the door open.

“Sure. I mean, as long as we’re open.”

The boy walked inside. As he passed her Alice felt a radiating cold, as if the boy was carrying an open freezer. Something in her unsettled, wanted to run, but just as quickly as the impulse came upon her, she shrugged it off as stupid.

Alice settled back behind her desk and watched the guest meander the entryway, taking in the double staircases and the ceiling that Alice herself had been ogling earlier.

This wasn’t odd behavior. They were, after all, a museum, and the detail poured into this house’s construction at times felt like a kaleidoscope for the eyes. But, something about this boy was familiar, and the fact that Alice couldn’t put her finger on it made her uneasy. She knew him from somewhere. Maybe he resembled a famous person. With hair and an outfit like that, he reminded her of James Dean.

“You’re pretty early for the noon tour,” she mentioned, feeling like she had to initiate polite conversation. “It’s not for another twenty minutes.”

The boy turned and stared, bright blue eyes blank.

Oh, so he was one of those guests that didn’t read the website. Looked like it was just going to continue to be one of those mornings. Swallowing her annoyance, Alice explained, “The museum gives four tours, each about two hours long. Our guides will take you through the entire house as well as the backyard and surrounding forest. The next tour is at noon.”

At the boy’s completely baffled look, Alice felt a little bad for being so cold. She grabbed the sheet of tour attendees and a pen. “There’s still three spots left, if you want to join?”

The boy scrunched his freckled nose and scanned her desk for a long moment, almost as if he didn’t understand what it, or she, was doing there.

Alice’s annoyance came back, this time tempered with a tiny bit of fear. This kid was beginning to creep her out. Once in awhile a guest wandered in that truly loved all the horrific gory shit that went down here, and those guests always freaked Alice out a lot more than any of the ghost stories ever did. “What’s your name?” she asked, working to keep her tone squarely in the polite camp, lest she provoke this weirdo.

He looked upset and a little lost. Like he had been expecting someone else. After a minute his shoulders slumped in defeat. “Danny,” he told her.

“I’m Alice,” Alice greeted.

Introductions seemed to break Danny out of whatever little mood he had been in. He neared her desk, eyes flicking towards her nametag. An amused smile spread across his lips. “I can see that,” he teased. “Alison Fox.”

Alice couldn’t help but lean back a bit. The guest smelled faintly like cigarettes. If Parker didn’t also smoke occasionally, she would have taken the smell as a sign of delinquency, somewhere next to tattoos. 

He didn’t look like a delinquent. If anything he looked like he was on a debate team, what with his sweater vest and gelled hair. Only, his style was so accurate, it had transcended nerdy and had crossed over somewhere into cool. His clothing could have been thrifted straight out of her great-grandfather’s closet.

She cleared her throat. “Want me to put you down for noon?”

“How long has this place been a museum?” he asked.

Alice put the roster down and blinked. “Dunno. As long as I can remember.”

The guest quieted, humming to himself.

Figuring that was the end of their conversation, and that he would look around before deciding twenty minutes wasn’t worth the wait, Alice turned back to her computer which was now on. She typed in her password. The old monitor flickered a quilt of static and she blinked, reaching around to jiggle the wiring.

“What do you think of it?” a voice asked, sounding so close it almost came from inside her own head.

Alice jumped, narrowly missing a mug of coffee.

The guest was super close. He was leaning over her desk atop his elbows. He craned his neck to peer around at her monitor.

Alice scowled and tilted the screen away. “What do you mean?”

“This place,” he clarified. “What do you think of it?”

No one had ever asked her that before. Sure, there was a lot of ‘ever see any ghosts?’ or a lot of ‘how long have you worked here?’ then the subsequent disappointment when she said two weeks. Never what she thought about the museum. Alice found people rarely asked her what she thought of things.

Alice let go of the screen and played with the handle of her mug for a second, trying to get a read on him. She supposed he looked earnest. “I’ve only worked here for a few weeks so I don’t really know a lot about it besides the stories I heard growing up,” she admitted. “I suppose it is beautiful, in the same eerie, disorienting way an eclipse is.”

The boy glanced down at the top of her desk, brows furrowed. 

Maybe he didn’t like her answer. Feeling a little self-conscious, Alice said, “Hopper can answer better. He’s worked here longer and he’s a guide.”

Danny glanced up, a wide grin unfurling across his face. His teeth were really white and perfect and so was his skin. “Let me guess. Hopper is the guide for the noon tour?” he teased. “You’re pretty good at pushing these tours on people. How much do they cost?”

Alice blushed, embarrassed. “I wasn’t trying to push anything.”

Footsteps, thankfully, interrupted them.

“Did I leave my coffee...?” Hopper trailed off, gaze darting between the guest and her. He was now wearing his tour guide white button up jacket and his name tag. He skidded to a halt in the middle of the foyer, jaw going slack, face pale.

“So you’re a guide?” the boy, still leaning on her desk, accused.

Hopper nodded, mute.

Alice was starting to feel embarrassed at Hopper’s weird reaction. Strange or not, this boy was a guest. He wasn’t even as bad as the Wiccans and Spiritualists that plagued the tours, hoping to scry something meaningful from the mansion’s creaky floors. She raised her eyebrows at him, motioning for him to say something.

If the guest noticed anything unusual, he didn’t show it. Instead his blue eyes lit with amusement, like he had just thought of something really funny. That grin widened until it felt edged with mania. “What’s it take to become a guide?” he asked. “I’m looking for work.”

With Hopper still frozen, Alice scrambled to overcome the awkwardness, shuffling through the mountains of papers hidden in the drawers of her desk. “Ah, here.” She grabbed an application and scooted it across the desk. On the top, a simple logo read: Masters Villa. Erected 1892. Amity Park Historical Monument & Museum.

The boy scooped it up. “Thanks.” Just as quickly as he blustered through, he left.

As the door clicked shut, Alice fully turned to give Hopper a frown. “What was that all about?” she complained, gesturing at the door.

Hopper swayed slightly.

Alice’s anger snapped to concern. It looked like he was about to pass out. She contemplated trying to get out from behind her desk and catch him, but with how tall and built Hopper was there was no way he wouldn’t crush her.

Instead of fainting, Hopper asked, in a weird and floaty voice, “You don’t know who that was?”

Damn, Alice thought. So the boy had been famous. “No. Who is he?” Now she was curious. Although, something about Hopper’s glazed look filled her with dread.

Hopper yanked out one of the pamphlets from the wall holder, flipping through the mini stapled book. Finding the right page, he held it up so Alice could see. “Who that was,” Hopper corrected.

It was a black and white photo of a kid in a lawn chair. A kid that looked remarkably the same as the one that had just taken a job application. He had his ankles crossed and his t-shirt sleeves rolled up as if it was a hot summer’s day. In one hand was a Coke, only, it was one of those old curvy Coca-Cola-shaped glass bottles. The ones they stopped making years and years ago. Alice glanced at the caption.

Danny, 1959. Disappeared August 12, 1962.

Alice flicked the pamphlet away. “Very funny. That was one of your higher production jokes.” She scowled. “You know, Lancer’s going to fire you one of these days.”

“It’s the truth,” Hopper insisted. His slap-glazed look faded into annoyance.

Something in his tone made her pause and reconsider. He truly believed it. Either he wasn’t trying to pull one over on her, or whoever was doing the pulling was pulling it on them both.

Alice glanced down at the roster where she had written, on the last line: Danny. Just Danny. “Well, he might become a guide, if he’s qualified,” she said, not knowing what else to say. Internally, she was trying to explain the past five minutes and the longer she couldn’t come up with a plausible answer her skin inched further and further in all directions.

Alice Fox didn’t believe in ghosts.

“Qualified?” Hopper repeated, offended. “Of course he’s qualified. He’s been here the whole time.”

[armsinthewronghands]

Avonelle Wing’s “Mad Mystics” Thread

https://plus.google.com/100315432818170150233/posts/eb9ZGxgWz8m

Avonelle Wing (Avie) Public Nov 14, 2016 This has been a very clarifying year for me.

Shortly after +Living Games Conference, I was in a conference with a fellow key-noter where the phrase "tending our mad mystics" got stuck in my head. and it stayed there.

I've been rolling the idea around and around in my head.

Along with my sudden burst of motion where hygiene boxes  at our conventions are concerned, I've been sorting out what parts of our community I consider the most vital, the most vulnerable, the most in need of my energy and protection.

I had a conversation with +Mark Diaz Truman before Gen Con, right after The Post, where he infuriated me by dividing my world into "my constituency" and "his constituency". but again, he forced me to clarify my position, and to rethink my actions, my position, my purpose.  (Mark and I have fought viciously a couple of times since The Post. Our current peace has been hard-won and isn't because I think he has made right on the fallout of The Post, so please don't misinterpret me acknowledging his pushing me to be better as anything other than that.)

Then, I went to Hive (hive.org) - while it was nothing like I thought it would be, it was also clarifying and galvanizing.

Before Hive, I told +darren watts that one of my panels for this year's Metatopia would be "Tending Our Mad Mystics..." and Vinny said "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???"

after wrangling back and forth, I was able to state clearly that our community excommunicates people with big, messy, inconvenient or uncomfortable emotion, with a disproportionate burden placed on women to keep their reactions tidy.

And if our community is going to be truly intersectional and to support all gamers (game designers, game artists, game professionals, game verbers), that we had better start building better responses and developing better mechanisms for coping and redirecting the damage inflicted by a mad mystic, and fast.

At Hive, I was able to state clearly that my life's work is to redistribute entrenched, toxic power structures to protect the most vulnerable and most under-served of our community. That includes our mad mystics especially.

In an earlier post tonight, I mentioned that I saw an online community burned to the ground - it went down in flames because there wasn't anybody who was prepared to catch and redirect the energy behind the fury, and to help us navigate the field of hurt feelings, backlash, *shame* and conflict that happened during and after that scorching. We weren't any good at tending our mad mystics.

Since then, I've been able to help ease at least one community through the fraught early days and to sidestep the "BUT MY FEELINGS ARE BIG AND THEY HURT!!" test to validate the feelings and put responsibility back onto the person feeling them. It's terribly important for us to learn how to support somebody who is emotionally compromised, and to help them interact with the world in a way that protects them and the possible recipients of that energy.

Treating our mad mystics like damaged goods and pushing them out the door abandons our most vulnerable community members, and that isn't acceptable to me. It sets a precedent for punishment over rehabilitation, for excommunication over reconciliation. That is not acceptable.

What does a mystic do? They connect to the divine. They see the world in ways the rest of us don't. They're unbridled joy and enthusiasm when they aren't a whirling vortex of other emotions. They test us and push us to do better, to be better, to be more patient and more thoughtful. They bring an intrinsic value to my world, and the idea of them being shut out by the community because we're not willing to learn how to work with them devastates me.

(This thread WILL be tightly moderated. No picking fights with me. I'm not in the mood for anybody unloading their baggage onto me.) 54 plus ones 54 no shares Shared publicly•View activity Avonelle Wing (Avie)'s profile photo Avonelle Wing (Avie) +10 Somebody has asked me if MDT is a mad mystic in this context.

No, this post isn't about him, even though I mentioned him as another influence in my path. He pushed me to clarify my position on who my "constituency" is, if we're carving the world up into "my problem" and "not my problem". (as if. Anybody who knows me knows that isn't my style.)  

This post is about everybody who gets shamed for mental illness or processing disorders. Mark's post was something else and maybe one day I'll be ready to talk about THAT in public, but I doubt it. Nov 14, 2016 Christo Meid's profile photo Christo Meid +2 Probably I'm tired --- I usually understand your posts right away, but I'm not sure who exactly fits into the category of mad mystics. I'm thinking the mystics are emotional, creative types, who by their nature might periodically hurt others obliviously with their outbursts, but then they probably apologize when the outburst passes.  And yet in this community, excommunication happens easier than accepting apologies? I hope I'm getting at least part of this right... Nov 14, 2016 Avonelle Wing (Avie)'s profile photo Avonelle Wing (Avie) +1 that's the overall gist of it, yes. Nov 14, 2016 Avonelle Wing (Avie)'s profile photo Avonelle Wing (Avie) +1 I see where the confusion came in. I rewrote the section that starts with "And if our community is going to be truly intersectional" to clarify with some verbs and a complete thought. I think I'm the tired one here. Nov 14, 2016 Misha B's profile photo Misha B +2 Sub Nov 14, 2016 Gretchen S.'s profile photo Gretchen S. +1 I wish to subscribe to this newsletter. Nov 14, 2016 Jason Pitre's profile photo Jason Pitre +1 . Nov 14, 2016 Cam Banks's profile photo Cam Banks +1 Potent. Nov 14, 2016 Chris Shaffer's profile photo Chris Shaffer +1 . Nov 14, 2016 Rob Donoghue's profile photo Rob Donoghue +2 Pre coffee, but that have been wrestling with some things adjacent to this, so very much listening. Nov 15, 2016 Josh T Jordan's profile photo Josh T Jordan +3 As a mentally ill creative person of faith, I am listening with interest. Nov 15, 2016 Anna Kreider's profile photo Anna Kreider +7 So I'm confused by "coping and redirecting the damage caused by a mad mystic", because on the one hand it sounds like you want to care for mad mystics as a vulnerable population with valuable contributions to make, but on the other hand saying that you need to redirect their energy to prevent damage sounds like the sort of rhetoric that is used to shame and excommunicate them in the first place.

Am I misunderstanding? Because tbh, as a mentally ill creator who got pushed out of doing something I love because it was unsafe for me to continue, it hurts hearing things that sound like the rhetoric that was used against me. But I know I'm in a sensitive place right now. Nov 15, 2016 William Nichols's profile photo William Nichols . Nov 15, 2016 Rob Donoghue's profile photo Rob Donoghue +3 The rhetoric is going to be tricky, because walking the line between "I acknowledge harm has been done/is being done" and "I don't want to simply excommunicate/demonize perpetrators" is hard.  We have no shortage of examples of both denying harm and zero tolerance, so there is no way that seeking an alternative is not going to touch live nerves. Nov 15, 2016 Dymphna C.'s profile photo Dymphna C. +5 +Anna Kreider :  As someone with skin in the game, I don't percieve it that way (but I understand why you feel cagey about it).

I think most tactics (including validation) can be used in bad faith in order to silence someone.  But I 100% don't believe that that's what Avie is doing, and I think that, in the long run, gaining a more complex understanding of human interaction (and of humanity) is a good thing. Nov 15, 2016 Dymphna C.'s profile photo Dymphna C. +2 When Avie is talking about "mad mystics," I don't think she's talking about everyone who acts in a way that causes other people hurt.  She's not talking about schoolyard bullies, or people who make calculated PR moves in order to gain status at someone else's expense, or everyone who's having a shitty day and says something that they probably shouldn't, etc. Nov 15, 2016 Dymphna C.'s profile photo Dymphna C. +3 In other words, you know a mad mystic when you see one, and they are largely people who know that they are "crazy" and they censor themselves a lot because they are profoundly invalidated by their environments.

For example:  I am seriously considering just deleting this entire chain of posts because I have a hard time telling if I'm being crazy or being crazy like a fox. Nov 15, 2016 Dymphna C.'s profile photo Dymphna C. +6 If you think "well it's really hard to find hard-and-fast rules," then I also think you're right, because these people don't fit into society well, and there's a reason why we all went to the madhouse or the convent or lived on the tops of mountains and spoke only words of dire prophecy or whatever.

I know that people who can't fit into neat categories or be dealt with by using extremely clear-cut rules make gamers and lawyers sad but

this is an art and not a science. Nov 15, 2016 Josh T Jordan's profile photo Josh T Jordan +5 +Dymphna C. Thank you. I feel like this sums up how I feel, even though I think I present myself as fairly high functioning. I can see the madhouse from here. I can see the mountaintop from here. And if I have a bad month of self destruction, I hope my friends will still be my friends at the end of it. Nov 15, 2016 Avonelle Wing (Avie)'s profile photo Avonelle Wing (Avie) +4 +Anna Kreider - It isn't my intention to hurt you. In fact, I want the people around me to get better at handling anger and hurt, and to learn to listen, not to take it personally when it isn't personal. I can't change your past path, but maybe I can help make an easier path for the next person to come along.

+Dymphna C. does a good job of capture the essence of what our roundtable on the topic resolved before I got called away by an emergency at Metatopia.

It is absolutely NOT my intention to silence anybody; I want to validate in healthy ways, to listen and learn what there is to learn, and apply that learning productively. I feel like being better about listening would reduce the damage done by people who are expressing well-earned anger to themselves and their connections.

If we create filters for receiving and processing anger and/or hurt, or other "crazy" experiences, we support people having those experiences rather than "othering" them.

Is that making any sense? If we don't practice, and don't practice mindfully, we won't ever get better at it. (for some value of 'it' covered above.)

Nov 15, 2016 Anna Kreider's profile photo Anna Kreider +1 I hear you. Thank you for taking time to clarify. Nov 15, 2016 Eric Duncan (Dragonsong)'s profile photo Eric Duncan (Dragonsong) . Nov 15, 2016 Jay Treat's profile photo Jay Treat . Nov 15, 2016 Brie “Brie” Sheldon's profile photo Brie “Brie” Sheldon . Nov 15, 2016 J Li's profile photo J Li +13 Having been pushed out of a community for being a mad mystic, this resonates with me.  I have done harm with emotional outbursts-- but usually it was the type of harm that can be transmuted with processing skill.

As a result, I really hold that communities have the responsibility to gain that processing skill.

It's a neurotype privilege differential.  Everyone reacts when hurt, and does something nonstandard-- shouting, accusing, moping, grieving, talking about their feelings, changing the energy level, etc.  Most communities are vastly more equipped to handle the neurotypical people's responses than neurodiverse people's responses.  This results in a situation in which neurotypicals are "allowed" to have a wider, healthier, and more complete range of feelings than others.

Learning to tend your mad mystics becomes a matter of handicap access.  Is this a community that I can interact to a normal degree in because there are accommodations if I am disrupted to a normal degree (either by outside circumstances or the community itself)?

Part of the difficulty for me is that, prior to community I was pushed out of, I belonged to a community of exclusively mad mystics.  We were all mad in different ways.  But we had elaborate scaffolding to support how all of our unique components interacted; and a lot of automatic protocols on coordinating about needs without making assumptions or judgments.

It was, therefore, a deep culture shock to land in a place that didn't have those things.  That moments of disruption, instead of prompting everyone into an opportunity for collaboration and closeness, were actually a cliff to fall off of alone.

The other day, I accidentally fell off of one of those cliffs (a very short one) with a lovely and influential designer in our community.  Even though the differential was minor and ultimately well repaired, the event shook me deeply, as it was the first time I'd felt so unsafe in this community.  Suddenly, all around me, I started to see cliffs instead of friends for a while.

The point is that we need to be very careful.  Refusal to talk about or negotiate social conflict can either be a healthy act of boundary setting, or a profound act of neurotype privilege.

How do you tell a mad mystic from an asshole?

My specific advice is that, if someone does something that bothers you, try to communicate about it ONCE.  A responsible mad mystic will immediately respond to try to stop hurting you.  Depending on what's up with that individual, we may or may not find the path the first time, and if it's really complicated we may need your help, but we know what to do to get started.  

An actual asshole will brush off your concerns.

Considerateness is actually pretty universal across neurotype.  Access to data about how to interface with you is not.  By giving your mad mystics the data we need, you give us the chance to be considerate-- and thereby also give the relationship the chance to connect based on what we have in common instead of what sets us apart. Nov 15, 2016 Mark Richardson's profile photo Mark Richardson . Nov 15, 2016 Zak Sabbath's profile photo Zak Sabbath +3 If the line between a "mad mystic" and a "harassing broken stair bullies" is the mystic addresses your concerns and admits their mistake, I've never seen a mad mystic. Just people who have friends who value their other contributions and so don't admit it in public and so have a double-standard about what is "acceptable behavior" because they value them more than their victims do. Nov 15, 2016 Avonelle Wing (Avie)'s profile photo Avonelle Wing (Avie) There are other lines too. I don't  think it's as simple as recognizing and acknowledging harm when harm has occurred. Nov 15, 2016 Zak Sabbath's profile photo Zak Sabbath +2 No matter what the lines are I think the failure of anyone to articulate those lines before supporting said Mystic leaves victims of the Mad Mystic looking for all the world like they are being judged by a double-standard. And until someone articulates those lines clearly, they functionally are--because the victim can follow all the rules a community articulates and still be attacked. Nov 15, 2016 Avonelle Wing (Avie)'s profile photo Avonelle Wing (Avie) +4 The necessity to respond compassionately and with grace when faced with the powerful emotions of somebody who has dysregulated or is experiencing some other dissonance IS a double standard. Absolutely.

It sucks to be implacable when somebody's having strong emotions about, at or to you. But it's what adults and responsible community members do.

The hope is that if I'm able to be a steady presence today when somebody is a whirlwind of emotion, they might be able to anchor me and/or offer forgiveness for a sharp tone or harsh rebuke at a later time when I'm not MY best self. Nov 15, 2016 Avonelle Wing (Avie)'s profile photo Avonelle Wing (Avie) +5 Frankly, the internet makes it SO MUCH easier for people to tear into each other and be utterly vile. The same people, in person, would find it much harder to do the same sort of damage.

It's easier to respond with fury and vitriol, in my experience, when somebody is typing at me than it is when they are clearly experiencing distress in my presence.

Internet anger is so very toxic and learning to stop and go do something that isn't connected to a keyboard is a key element to learning to respond appropriately when somebody is causing undue harm. Nov 15, 2016 Anna Kreider's profile photo Anna Kreider +8 +Avonelle Wing​ there's a reason why I wrote about acceptable versus unacceptable expressions of anger about marginalization. As mentally ill people, we need to be accountable to not harm others to the extent that we are capable.

But there are people who aren't okay with ANY expression of anger, however righteous, careful, moderated, or responsibly directed. And that's a problem. Nov 15, 2016 Jay Treat's profile photo Jay Treat +1 I want to weigh in, because I have lots of feelings about things being discussed here, but I'm reluctant to because the subject is sensitive and I'm sure I don't fully understand it. Can Avie or others provide concrete examples, preferably fictional? Nov 15, 2016 Oli Jeffery's profile photo Oli Jeffery . Nov 15, 2016 Chloe CD's profile photo Chloe CD . Nov 15, 2016 Blair Fitzpatrick's profile photo Blair Fitzpatrick +7 I'm mentally ill, and I find the label "mad mystics" in poor taste to say the least; dealing with these conditions is not some new-age "prestige class." Nov 15, 2016 Tobias Strauss's profile photo Tobias Strauss +5 +Blair Fitzpatrick is right.  The language here is incredibly offensive to me.  I'm not someone's conduit to god because I have a medical condition.  And I don't want special delicate princess treatment for it.

I don't have the spoons to engage in this right now beyond that. Nov 15, 2016 Avonelle Wing (Avie)'s profile photo Avonelle Wing (Avie) I'll work on better language. Message received. Nov 15, 2016 Avonelle Wing (Avie)'s profile photo Avonelle Wing (Avie) +1 Also, I leave for  a con tmw. So I'm closing comments until I'm back and can moderate responsibly.