#you think I like scrolling my page and seeing all the hurt and sadness going on?

[what-do-you-mean-theyre-evil]

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[mephyyy]

So I was trying to find some random Sonic OCs off Google to draw today because, man, art block killing me. I would like to prefece that I, myself, have Sonic OCs.

(This is all old art, except for my sonic.exe oc, but alas)

I think they're fun and a good way to express your creativity, whether that's writing them to date a character that you like or to be the most popular/powerfulest person EVER.

But with my not very deep dive into the 3 page of Google, I realized that even the really well draw or intriguing OCs are "cringe" and "Mary Sues".

With this, the notion comes that OCs are inherently cringe and not worth making unless you make them the most boring and unspecial person ever. Like: "This is my Sonic oc, Joe the cat. He works at a desk job, and he likes coffee." Making just your average Joe can be fun, but the thought that ALL OCs have to be fucking boring is dumb.

This thought is everywhere. You scroll through Google for 30 seconds, and you see articles about sonic OCs being a sickness, like this article from the medium. Like the drawing that a 10 y/o posted on deviant art about their green sonic will irreparably damage art.

This mindset actually hurts art in the long run. If you get told over and over again that the self insert you make is cringe and you should never draw again then, inevitably, you're going to stop drawing.

I was someone actually who thought for a very long time that my OCs shouldn't be special, or have super cool powers, or even have heterocromia. A good lot of my original characters were boring because I was worried about making a Mary Sue (Thanks CyberSans). It's actually a very deliberate choice that my self-insert/persona, Mephy, cringe.

Yes, I took things from jjba and Sonic to make this weird combo of Mephiles, Diego, jouta, and myself. I did this to push myself to make something "cringe," and anytime I think about removing his tail, I remember why I gave him one.

After I disregarded being seen as cringe, did I start to like designing characters. Just the want to make something I like without being worried if it's cringe or not. I think the freedom to make things like this is very important for young artists (or just artists in general). It's very liberating.

I took the making things purposefully cringe into my TF2 OCs. I gave them on the noise names, and I gave them back stories that were edgy. I enjoyed it. It made me happy.

With the acceptance of being seen as weird, I almost forgot what things were "cringe." I've just been seeing so many people happily making sonadow fan kids that I forgot people think that's cringe. I forgot that edgy OCs is cringe. I forgot that just being into something odd is cringe, and that makes me sad. I honestly thought that we got past thinking that darkspine the evil hedgehog (original character, do not steal) is cringe.

It's just sad. These OCs are cool. And yes, there are sonic OCs that aren't seen as cringe, like Ian Jr, S.N.T., or Trevor the hedgehog, but those are the exceptions. When was the last time you heard something say that Rosechu was their favorite OC? That's right, you haven't because sonichu is very much "cringe" (and don't bring up that Chris-chan did some fucked up shit, y'all didn't like she before she went to jail or did any of that fucked up stuff.) Why can't someone just make someone weird?

Concussion: Stop seeing things as cringe, and cringe culture is NOT dead until we kill it ourselves.

Anyway, I think I have written enough, and my English teacher would say that this is an emotional rant and that I need to rewrite like half of this. I think one of her exact words on a paper I wrote was "zack, this sentence makes me want to smear poop in my hair."

Here is some old art is some of my favorite little guys I found off Google (:

[a-chuffed-floating-panda]

A love in the eye of the hurricane ch29 (unedited)

(Originally posted 29 November 2022 Sleep deprived period. Obviously the sleep deprived period. Slightly better edited chapter)

This was like the missions she heard Palden and the others take. A self-imposed mission to get Choda and Tashi to talk to each other again.

She needed intel. 

Good information.

And maybe someone to explain to her why they were behaving the way they were.

Jamyang hugged the wall and snuck a peek at the teenage girls occupying the room. They didn’t mention anything important, just future tests, sutras to study and debates. What intrigued her was Choda, who wasn’t studying. She’d been staring at the same page on her book for the last five minutes. 

She’s thinking about something. There’s a pinch in her brow. She looked conflicted. Choda leaned her head into her hand, inhaled and her eyes got glossy. Was she sad? Tashi’s avoidance hurt everyone to some extent. Everyone liked her. Or… she’s jealous, allegedly. Choda denied ever being jealous, but she was jealous. Jamyang could tell. It had to be it. Everyone saw the death glares she’d send Palden’s way. 

Person. There’s a person beside her.

Jamyang turned and looked to her side. Amanthi stood there and looked into the room with her. “What are you doing?”

“Gathering information.”

“Why?”

“They’re uh,” what should she say? Is there a right word to use? “They’re being teenagers.” They’re being overly dramatic and stupid. Jamyang hoped she wouldn’t be like that when she got older. It would waste so much of her time.

Amanthi chuckled, watching as Choda closed the book and used her arms as pillows and laid her head down. Dawa looked up from her sutra scroll and Chesa gave her a sad glance. “That’s a good way of describing their behaviour.” She said, and something melancholic took over her expression. “I can’t relate, sadly enough.”

“You can’t?”

“I could always tell when someone liked me,” that had to be the foresight thingy that Koko-chan and Gawa spoke of. “and I’d pursue them if I found them interesting. I never had to deal with this.” Not even Sister Jetsun? No, not Sister Jetsun. Sister Pema said even a blind person could see how much Sister Jetsun loved Amanthi.

For a moment, she wondered how they came to date each other. Amanthi had to be the one that made the first move. Sister Pema always teased Sister Jetsun for being a dense pining idiot, which Jamyang could attest to. Some of her early memories were sitting on Sister Jetsun’s lap and her hiding her face in her hair because a redheaded woman, Amanthi, walked by.

“Sounds healthy.” Jamyang wasn’t sure if that was alright to say, but it must be good if Amanthi got to skip this part of life. Tashi barely slept and was tired all the time, while Choda looked on the brink of breaking all of her precepts whenever Palden entered a room. 

It didn’t look healthy at all to her inexperienced eyes.

“It is incredibly healthy,” she agreed. “but it’s also a teenage experience from what people told me.” Amanthi looked down at her, a gleam in her eye. “What do you want to achieve with the information you’re gathering?” Jamyang narrowed her eyes at her. Didn’t she already know? Amanthi was the adult here, or was she assuming too much here?

“I want them to talk together and resolve all of this built up tension.” Jamyang noticed the looks Choda seemed to have reserved for Tashi only, whether or not she’d admit it. The looks, how her mouth would quirk up into something Jamyang never quite managed to decipher if it was a smile or smirk, and of course, their activities. Or ‘to do their thing’, as Choda would call it before dragging Tashi off with her.

It might not be on Tashi’s level of love yet, but something’s there. 

“What are you going to do if you don’t get the desired result? Like if Choda doesn’t return Tashi’s feelings?” 

“No idea,” she admitted. “that’s up to them. I just want them to talk. That’s my desired result. And,” she pursed her lips. “There is something on Choda’s side. It might not be on Tashi’s level yet, but it’s something.” Amanthi picked her up and flickered away when Amala and Khandro walked towards the door entrance.

In the blink of an eye, they’re…. outside? She looked around and yup, they’re outside. On the temple walls, not that far from a window. Amanthi’s standing on the temple walls and not falling down. Jamyang was concerned. “Are you standing on the temple wall right now?” Just to be sure that her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her or if someone had cast an illusion on her. People said illusions were a thing, so she wouldn’t disregard the possibility.

“I am, yeah.” Huh. Okay. She read about shinobi doing this in stories and didn’t think it was possible. Cool. Jamyang shifted in her grip. Could she also walk up walls one day? “Okay.” She’s not going to ask for details now. There’s too many for her to keep count off at the moment.

“Are you sure you should be doing this, though? Won’t Sister Jetsun be upset?” Something in Amanthi’s posture shifted and Jamyang knew she’d gotten something right. She’d heard a bit about her knee injury, but the two things she heard the most were ‘broken’ and ‘crushed.’ 

Bad. It was terrible. Sister Jetsun worried for a reason.

“Well,” Amanthi started slowly, sounding unsure. “She doesn’t need to know and besides, some exercise is good.” Some exercise was good, Jamyang had read about that. Standing on the outside of the temple wall didn’t seem like just exercise to her, though.

Jamyang looked up at her with a frown. Was she seriously thinking that she’d keep this a secret? From Sister Jetsun, of all people?

“Are you-” a giggle caught her attention. Curious about who it was from, she shifted in her grip to peek inside the window. Sister Tsering was twirling around another nun who she soon recognised was Dawa from the Eastern temple, a nomad and a friend of hers. Dawa laughed at something she said and threw her arms around Sister Tsering’s shoulders. It lasted way longer than a hug normally would. Dawa pulled back and leaned in and kissed her cheek.

Jamyang’s frown deepened. 

“She’s not cheating on Hayma, if that’s what you’re wondering.” Amanthi peeked into the window with her, watching as Sister Tsering leaned in and kissed Dawa on the other cheek. The outside wind rushed loudly in her ears. She couldn’t hear what they were talking about. “She’s not?” Was it like Sister Gyalwo and her boyfriends? Sister Tsering didn’t look like someone who had relationships like that. Amanthi shook her head and Jamyang got a mouthful of red hair that smelled great. “She’s not. From my understanding, it’s a sort of cuddle buddy you can kiss arrangement.”

That’s a term she hadn’t heard before. “What’s a cuddle buddy?” Dawa leaned their foreheads together and kissed Sister Tsering on the nose. They shared some words that she couldn’t hear and they giggled. “It’s…. How do I explain this? It’s a person who you’re close to and affectionate with, but they’re not together. There’s no clear definition to what they are, but it’s not romantic.” She said. “Because we fight. It’s normal to have other partners or cuddle buddies so that they won’t be alone if a partner is out on a long mission.“

“Oh,” Jamyang remembered reading about this. “So like queer platonic, then?”

“You know about that?” Amanthi sounded surprised. She watched curiously as Hayma peeked her head into the room and her smile softened when she saw them. “I read about it in a story once. It was very interesting.” The two characters loved each other deeply, just not romantically. Just a close emotional bond.

“It’s not exactly the same, but you can compare it to that, yeah. But every relationship is different.” Hayma kissed Sister Tsering and embraced Dawa in a long hug and nosed at her cheek. She seemed fond of her.

“How have you been?” Dawa laughed and went on about her recent stay at Jonang choeling. 

“So they’re friends that kiss, then? And Hayma kisses her too, sometimes?” Both Hayma and Sister Tsering kissed Dawa’s cheeks.

Amanthi’s shoulder moved. “Yeah, that’s the easy way to explain it.”

Jamyang woke up feeling exhausted. 

She groaned when the light hit her eyes and hid under the duvet; it was too bright. Blinking to get her eyes accustomed to the darkness, she paused. She didn’t feel sick, nor was the famous hangover headache that she read so much about throbbing at her temples.

Just exhaustion.

Heavy exhaustion, like the down to her bones to of exhaustion. An overused descriptor in books, but something that fit right in her situation.

“You’re awake.” An amused voice that’s definitely, Jaya said. “I got concerned when Yutso said you were sick, and I got even more concerned when you didn’t wake up. It’s almost four in the evening. I thought you died for a moment.” Jamyang drew the duvet down so she could look at her. There she was, wearing a partially open dhonka with a white shirt underneath, a burgundy shemdap and a red chogyu draped over her head. 

For a moment it felt like a small Jaya who was four winters and had just shaved her head was looking down at her. Jamyang blinked. Nope. This was Jaya, who was eighteen years old, just like her.

“I’m alive.” She rubbed her face and pushed the duvet down. Some food would be great right now. “No need to worry your pretty head about it.” Jamyang squinted at Jaya when she giggled and sat down at her bedside. 

Jaya was a little blurry. Was she still drunk? Or did she face plant too hard that morning? 

“Jus- just a little out of it.” She got up with her help and gave her a side hug, nuzzling into her shoulder. Warm. Jaya’s hugs were nice. She let out a content sigh when her arms wrapped around her in return. “Feeling affectionate today, are you?” Jamyang nodded slowly.

“I think- I think I might be a little drunk still,” Jaya made a surprised sound. “but your hugs are nice. I haven’t hugged you enough.” Such a crime. She should hug people more. Hugs were nice. She liked hugs. “You went drinking last night?” Jamyang nodded again. 

“I did.”

“Where and with who?”

“With Shaohao in his bedroom.” Jaya pulled her by her shoulders and stared at her with narrowed eyes. Suspicion. “Did- did you, you know… sleep with him?”

“Pft! Absolutely not.” She understood why she asked, though. Drunk people did stupid things. She went back to her previous spot and nuzzled up against her shoulder. “His father’s sick and he’s scared that he’ll die. We just drank and talked about our feelings.”

There’s a bright flush on his face, and his eyes were puffy. “I know everybody dies an’ I shouldn’t cling so hard to it, but I can’t help it, y’know? He’s my father.”

He sniffled and wiped his eyes. “It’s stupid, I know.”

“It’s not stupid.” She reassured and took a swing of her shochu shot before putting her arm around him. “Em-emotions like these are e’cspcted during times like this.” She paused for a second. The buzz and the warmth were nice. She’s totally drunk. “It’s good that- that you’re acknowledging and allowing yourself to feel them.”

“I flew back in the early morning-,”

“Ooh, how daring.”

“-and fell flat on my face when I landed and I crashed into ama as I entered the temple. So much for trying to sneak in unnoticed.”

Jaya snickered and stroked her hair. “That explains the letter that arrived today.”

“There’s a letter?”

“Yeah, but don’t worry about that for now. I’m happy to see that you’re okay. Are you hungry? There’s freshly made food in the dining hall.”

“Ugh.” Food. “I’d love some food right now.” She pulled back and moved to stand up, swaying a little on her feet. Jaya grabbed her forearm, steadying her. “How much did the two of you drink?”

“One sake bottle and one shochu bottle. The bottles said that there was 20% and 40% of alcohol in each of them.” The different types of chang she’d drunk in her life varied from 6% to 10%. 

“Oof, that’s higher than chang. Are you okay to walk?”

“The first shots burned the back of my throat, but I got used to it. And yeah, I’m good to walk. I’m just really tired.” She’d slept for what, ten or eleven hours?

Jaya put her arm around her. “Come on, we’re going to get you some food.”

Jaya snickered when ama came- flew, she totally flew- towards them and checked up on her.

“How are you doing? Okay? Is anything wrong? No sickness?” Jamyang pouted, but stayed put when ama’s hands settled on her temples, her cool chi entering her pathways.

“I’m fine, just tired.” Ama frowned when her hands inched toward her forehead. “Is your eyesight okay?” Ama’s chi swirled around in her frontal lobe, moved down between her brows and towards her eyes. Jamyang sagged against Jaya’s side.

“Slightly blurry vision, but that’s it.” Ama hummed and after a couple of seconds, her chi left. “Better?” Jamyang nodded, blinking at her surroundings. Her vision was clearer.

“Be responsible next time, okay? I had to heal ten people because they got reckless once when drinking.”

“Yes, ama.” Drinking was nice, but not something she’d do often. One, because of the precepts and she wasn’t really supposed to drink because she was a nun now, and two, she preferred chang.

“Good.” She pressed a kiss to her temple and hurried off and mumbled under her breath that she needed to get to the infirmary.

“Did something happen to your sight on the mission?” Was that thenthuk she smelled? It smelled heavenly. “I temporarily lost it-,”

“What?!”

“-and I spent a good portion of two weeks with bandages wrapped around my eyes and drinking… unorthodox medicine.” 

“What do you mean, you temporarily lost your vision?”

“I got a hefty concussion and temporarily lost my vision.” A lot of other things happened as well, but they’re not that important currently. Jaya would go into overboard mode. “I’m still experiencing some minor side effects, but I’m doing well.”

“Honestly Jamyang,” she nudged her with her hip. “Be careful!”

“Don’t blame me. Blame the otherworldly creature that crashed the mission, not me.”

Norbu peeked over her shoulder and into her sketchbook. “What are you doing?”

Gawa glanced at her and continued sketching. “I’m working on an obstacle course for the pandas,” she glanced at the other page, where there were multiple unfinished sketches. “And I’m also working on a couple of designs of an animal Jamyang saw.” 

“Hm, a wingless dragon?”

“Yeah, she saw it while in the spirit world. The caretaker,” she could call Aya-la that, right? “mentioned that she drifted when she was unconscious.” Everybody knew that the mission went sour. It wasn’t a secret.

“Hm, interesting.” She said and continued. “I think Jamyang mentioned a while ago that she found old cave murals of wingless dragon. Her sketches looked a lot like yours.” 

“She found-,”

“Yeah, she found cave murals of a wingless dragon that looked a lot like your sketches. I think it was around four months ago?” Gawa frowned. Jamyang hadn’t mentioned finding anything. “Oh no, I can feel you’re getting upset. She didn’t say it to you on purpose. I think she simply got distracted during her research stage and forgot about it.” Norbu left her after giving the lōng sketches a last look.

She saw Nyima skipping towards her table out of the corner of her eyes, glancing at the entrance as Jamyang along with Jaya entered the dining hall.

Nyima recognised that look. Ghamo looked at her like that whenever she’d spend the night in her bed. Tashi looked at Choda in the same way when she’d pick her up and twirl her around. She’d seen it on Sister Jetsun and on Sister Tsering and hell, even on Sister Pema.

The utterly besotted look. The look you only give to someone so wonderful you can’t believe exists. Love. Nyima sat down beside Gawa, whose eyes were transfixed on a sleepy Jamyang that had just entered the room, sketchbook forgotten.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Gawa swallowed and let out a shaky exhale. “Yeah,” she nodded and pressed her lips together. “She is.”

Gawa’s loud even when quietly admired Jamyang from a distance. Her spirit roared around with enough strength to send her flying to the Earth king’s palace in Ba Sing Se. “It’s okay, you know.” Nyima said, trying to comfort her. 

After a couple of seconds, she looked down at her sketchbook and swallowed hard. “I don’t like this.” 

“No?” The only time Nyima would see this as a bad thing was when it was unrequited. It wasn’t in this case though, she’s sure of that. Jaya had mentioned in the past about wanting to give Jamyang a slap to get the denseness out of her, saying that she’s like Choekyi in that aspect, however, just not as slow as her. “No.” Gawa affirmed, shaking her head. “I don’t like it at all. I…” she trailed off.

“You?”

“I can’t get an accurate read on her and it messes with my foresight. I don’t know where anything goes when I spend time with her.” A part of Nyima thought it was cute that Jamyang had that effect on her, but another part of her sympathized with her.

She still remembered that time when Gawa and Tora completed the air ball strategy Sangye hadn’t finished telling them. 

Nyima understood to some extent. Not being able to prepare yourself when you’d been doing that for so long had to be scary.

Jamyang looked like she’d gotten beaten up by a tigerdillo, but she gave them both greeting smiles and sat down at their table with a bowl of thenthuk and a cup of cold tea.

“Jaya thought you died.” Nyima started, just to give Gawa some time to compose herself. She could visibly see the cogs turning over her head. “I’m happy to see that you’re okay.” She nudged Gawa’s side.

“I-uh,” she stuttered. “Me too. I’m happy to see that you’re well.” 

“What happened? Yutso said you got sick.”

“Yeah, I just felt a little out of it.” Gawa gave her a look. That look when someone knew they weren’t telling the truth.

“Did you go out drinking last night?” Oh, Nyima’s intrigued now. Everyone drank chang, even the strict teachers at the Eastern and Northern temples drank it too. 

Drinking wasn’t so frowned upon as visitors thought.

Jamyang looked at them with innocent eyes while she drank her tea. “Um, no?”

“You found cave murals of the lōng and didn’t tell me?” She asked when she got Jamyang alone.

Jamyang’s shoulders jolted, and she turned to face her, her brows high on her forehead. “I- well, yeah.” Gawa winced. That was way too accusatory of her. “I don’t think it’s the lōng though, but the lóng instead. It looked more-,” her hand splayed at her face. “I don’t know. The face and horns were different.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to research more before telling you, but I can show you my unfinished notes, if you want?”

“I’d like that.”

“That’s the tribe I talked about!” Gawa shuffled through the pages. It’s weird that the practise of tattooing the air nomad swirls in one’s palm didn’t survive here, but at apa’s temple instead.

“I know, it is. Apa said there are books about them at the library at Jiming Linggu.”

“No, really?”

“He said it’s the oldest books in their library. I thought about setting off a month just to study and getting that hand tattoo.”

Gawa looked up at her, frowning. “You don’t need it. You already have your arrows.”

“Oh, I know,” she agreed. “I’m getting them out of spite.”

Jamyang got to read the letter Shaohao sent her later that day.

“Thank you for visiting me last night. I really needed someone to talk to. I was lucky that no one noticed my raging hangover or how out of it I was, but Dragon Blue got suspicious when I had to do my duties for the day.

Even if you broke your precepts by drinking with me- yes, I know you said that you drink chang- I’m still grateful. I owe you one.

- Shaohao.”

Bodhi day celebration came three weeks later during the day before the new year and it was… something unique. After a half a day of meditation and reflecting on enlightenment- Jamyang didn’t do that, she took a trip to the spirit world instead and visited the red panda village- their friends landed outside on the temple grounds.

Shaohao, Michiko, Izumi, Takumi and Oshima got their first taste of freshly brewed chang.

Stoic Oshima was smiling and nodding his head to the music. Michiko and Izumi were in a heated discussion with Norbu and Ngawang about spiritual enlightenment while Shaohao, Takumi and Aden had their arms around each other’s shoulders and were singing loudly to the music.

Jamyang watched them while sipping on her own cup of chang. Her fourth. There’s no buzz like when she drank with Shaohao, but she’s warm and it’s nice.

“I’m not used to the taste of chang.” Gawa sat down beside her with her own cup of chang and leaned her head on her shoulder. Oh, her hair smelled nice. Jamyang put her arm around her and nosed at the top of her head. Ah, it smelled really nice. “Ara and chang aren’t that different are they?” She hadn’t tasted ara before now that she thought about it.

“They’re not. Ara is stronger, but the texture is similar. It’s the taste I think. I’m more used to fermented rice instead of barley.”

“I’ve never tasted ara before.” Gawa shifted so that she could look up at her. Jamyang’s tempted to kiss her forehead. Right on the head of the sea serpent. So tempting.

“Never? I would’ve thought you’d tasted it by now.”

“Never. I’ve heard about it, but never tasted it.”

Gawa took a swing of her cup and nestled closer to her. Jamyang gave her waist a squeeze.

“We should drink together sometime.” Gawa said after some seconds of silence. “Just us and a bottle of ara and maybe a night sky.”

“Why outside?” Jamyang asked after sipping her chang. “The ryeong always fly at night, it’s just cool to watch them when you’re drunk I guess.” She’d never watched the ryeong fly when she’d been drunk, but she’d watched them when she was sober and it was cool then too.

“I’ll take you up on that offer.”

“Good.” her eyes were unfocused and slightly dilated. “I’ll send you a letter when the freshest ara is almost finished brewing.” In response to that, Jamyang gave into her urge and kissed her forehead. Right on the sea serpent’s head.

After pulling away, Gawa put her hand under her chin and leaned up to press a kiss to her cheek. Her half-lidded eyes and heavy gaze made something in Jamyang’s stomach tighten.

She knew that feeling, desire.

Jaya watched as Jamyang and Gawa talked to each other by Asahi while helping Tora secure his belongings to his bison’s saddle. She'd helped Sonam and Gyaltso earlier that day.

“You’ll send the notes when you’re finished, right?”

“Of course. Who do you take me for?” Gawa rolled her eyes and smiled.

“You have everything, right?” And Gawa patted her robe and checked the rolls in Asahi’s saddle, just to be sure. She floated down. “Yeah, I have everything.”

Jaya looked away when they just stared at each other. 

She looked at them out of the corner of her eye when they started talking again. “Remember to write to me, okay?” It was Jamyang’s turn to roll her eyes. “Yes, I will.” Gawa threw her arms around her shoulders and pulled her into what looked like a really great hug.

Jaya saw how she sagged against her, tightened her arms around her waist, nuzzled her nose into her neck and closed her eyes. Jamyang didn’t hug anyone like that.

They kept eye contact when they pulled away and Jaya knew what was coming.

Their foreheads leaned against one another, Gawa’s hand moved from her shoulder to graze Jamyang’s jaw, and their heads tilted to the side ever so slowly. They closed their eyes and-

“Hey! You’re ready to go?” Deki came sprinting up to Tora’s bison. Her own bison would fly without a rider this time. Jamyang and Gawa startled so badly at the sound of her they hugged each other again. She saw the disappointed look in Jamyang’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” She heard and Jamyang responded. “It’s okay.”

Jaya’s tempted to throw Deki off the temple pagoda for ruining their moment, but she didn’t. She had self-control. Tora thanked her for the help and so did Deki. She floated off of the saddle right before they took off.

Gawa pulled away from the hug first, patted Jamyang’s cheek. “I’ll see you soon.” She twirled on top of Asahi and followed the others.

There’s an unreadable expression on her face while she watched the bison fly into the distance. “Jamyang?” Jaya approached her cautiously. She looked at her and didn’t say anything. “Did you- did you want to kiss Gawa?”

Jamyang didn’t answer her at first. The corners of her mouth twitched, her lips pursed, and she swallowed hard. “Yeah,” she nodded. “I did.”

Apa laughed so hard at her request that he got a coughing fit. “Of course!” He wheezed in between coughs and she felt bad for even saying it.

She helped him move to a nearby room, which she recognised as a ceremonial room, and pulled out a bamboo needle, gray paint and ink.

“Which hand?” He rasped.

“The right one.” The same as Yara.

Apa drew three circles on her palm, his fingers steady, dipped the needle in ink and started tattooing.

Jamyang did something different instead of sending the notes.

Uma let out a content groan while they flew. Her braid flickered behind her. Jampo flew in happy circles around them. A personal visit. She’d deliver them instead. Looking up at the darkening sky, she’d probably deliver them tomorrow morning or afternoon. Whenever she arrived at the temple.

She was still wearing the black robes from her stay at Jiming; she didn’t change at all after she’d put the last book away. Jamyang did something she rarely did and acted on impulse and left for Taktsang as soon as she could.

They’d been sending letters back and forth daily. It didn’t compare to meeting her, though. Being around her and listening to all the history babble that she often got lost in, but tried to listen to anyway because it was something Gawa was passionate about.

Jamyang wanted to see Gawa. She looked forward to seeing her. 

A surprise visit was okay, right? She’d never visited her without sending a letter of notice first. The Druk’s nest came to in the horizon and she took a deep breath.

She’ll figure it out, eventually.

They arrived in the dead of night. She steered Uma to the forest entrance at the base of Mt. Agari, grabbed her glider, and twirled off of her. “You and Jampo have fun, okay?” She said. “Don’t be too loud and wake the temples,” she hugged her head and burrowed into her fur. “I call you when I need anything.” Uma grumbled and took off with Jampo in the direction of the suzaku’s nest in the east.

Jamyang took off on her glider to the west, toward the grassy hills that never seemed to get touched by snow in the winter. Amanthi said it was because of the constant flow of spiritual energy in the area that kept it too warm for snow to settle in.

A figure drinking from tea sat on top of the highest hill. She recognised that figure. Dorjee. Jamyang raised a brow at the hair and swooped down.

Where was his arrow? 

“Going for a new look?” He lowered his cup and primped the sides of his hair. “Hm, I just felt going for something new was right. I am a little over 500 years old, change every now and then is good.” Jamyang sat down beside and put her knees up to her chest.

“It suits you.” His eyes creased when he smiled. “Would you like some?” He offered her a cup of his tea and she accepted with eager hands. “Of course, your tea is the best I’ve ever tasted.” She eyed his forehead and the lack of an arrow on it. The sound based illusion techniques in his scroll came to mind and she snapped her fingers.

His arrow flickered into existence. “Ha! I knew it.”

“Good,” he nodded approvingly. “Your training with illusions is going well, I presume?”

“It’s decent. I still struggle at getting the right frequency when I try, though. I’m way better at noticing them.”

“Well, some progress is good progress.”

They talked and caught each other up on recent events.

“Have you ever been in love?” She asked after a stretch of silence, her eyes trained on the starry sky.

“I have,” he answered, his voice somber. “His name was Pasang. He came from the Southern temple.” He said, “I heard he cursed my name after the incident that got me excommunicated.” His eyes were downcast. “It was nice while it lasted, and I look at our memories with fondness. I’m happy that I got to experience that with him.”

She’d never taken an interest in love until now and tried to imagine it. Happiness, sharing a life with someone, hugging them and kissing them, all of it sounded nice.

“Are you in love with someone? Is that why you’re asking Jamyang?” She didn’t answer him at first. Jamyang didn’t necessarily think of these feelings as love, but now that he mentioned it… “I don’t know.”

He looked at her with soft eyes. Understanding. “It’s okay not to know. Love is unpredictable in who it chooses.” She wished it was easier to predict. 

“Do I know them?”

“I think so. You were present at her master ceremony.” His eyes squinted while he thought and when he realised, they widened.

“Oh, G-,” he cut himself off when he noticed movement over the hills in the distance.

A group of ryeong flew toward the hills in the distance. The leader breathed mist in their direction when it noticed them looking. 

Hello hatchling.

Jamyang blinked at the pet name. Only Shu called her that. Was that him?

He didn’t get close enough for her to look. His body twisted, and he flew along with the others over the grassy hills.

“Hatchling, huh?” Dorjee smiled into his cup and Jamyang nudged him.

“I met him when I was eight, okay? The nickname stuck.” She’s far from a hatchling now.

Dorjee laughed, and she chuckled, trying desperately not to spit the tea out.

Notes:

  All credit to Archivanture on twitter and instagram Yoohoo *throws up a piece sign* I really need to get a schedule in order so that I can get this out on time. The only reason I managed to do that before was because I had a job and would write on the bus to and from work. Now I'm just home where my schedule is a lot more chaotic. So, I watched warrior nun and I cried at the ending. I'm not going to spoil anything if anyone hasn't seen it yet, but yeah. I cried and I absolutely loved it 🥲 So since Gawa is a nun and she fights, I decided to give her a little moment of her own. That way Ava looked at Beatrice though.... 👀 Watch, just watch it. I've been wanting to write that almost kiss between the two of them for ages now and I'm happy that I got to it:D One of the first scenes I've ever thought about when it came to the two of them. The first scene of them includes a beach, that's all I will say. If any of you have read the first Kyoshi novels, what was it that Lao ge said to Kyoshi when they were out meditating? I took inspiration from what he said, but I don't remember the page nor do I remember exactly what he said. But if what Nyima said is familiar, it is because I took inspiration from what he said to Kyoshi when they were out meditating in the woods. Words: Dhonka: A shirt with capped sleeves shemdap: The red skirt that Tibetan buddhist monks and nuns wear chogyu: Originally yellow its a wrap worn around the upper body or over the shoulders during certain ceremonies and teachings Ara: Bhutanese alcohol chang: Tibetan alcohol

[gonnastaceit]

4:49 AM

7/28/24

‘Hard Transitions come with hard conversations.’

Finally made it through TSA. although this is supposed to be a diary about accountability, it’s also just something to talk to.

I found myself unable to engage in conversation with my own mom, I just couldn’t find the strength to pretend that i was okay with my situation at all. I don’t know why it feels so hurtful at the moment, but I want to curl up into a ball and never uncurl. I know, dramatic, but I have pretty much lost a big chunk of my life. Not sure how much more of my own bullshit I can take.

I do owe you, my humble reader(s), a piece of what led me here. In all honesty, I won’t bullshit you with what i’ve been telling everyone else. ‘I wanted to protect my friends from a threat!’ Whatever. That’s not the truth. While it’s a part of it, it wasn’t my main motivator. My main motivator was to try and have control over an active threat, to have the ability to say ‘I saved everyone.’ (see the savior complex there?)

I couldn’t snap myself out of the mentality of being the sweet little angel who protected everyone, that I fell right into old habits without even realizing it. By the time I realized it, I had already been caught in a terrible situation that’s honestly impossible to explain, even to the most understanding of people.

I don’t want to mope too much about losing those friends, it was deserved. I know that I just wanted the attention of being everyone’s savior, the brave one who ‘stood up to my stalker!’ when I already had all options to be safe. I did something stupid, and honestly, the way they see the situation isn’t something I can remedy. The messages they saw, even if they had full context, were awful. So, I will have to live with the guilt and shame of what they saw and how I am currently (and likely forever) perceived.

Enough about that, it makes me mopey. I’m probably going to scroll on my phone for a while. Maybe i’ll give some more little fucked up updates about my past so that we’re all on the same page.

9:19 AM

The further I get, the more upset I seem to get. Not with losing my friends, although that sucks, but the fact I fell into old habits. It makes me feel so fucking sad and disappointed. I had a good thing going, and the last communications I had with my old friends? Those bridges are burned for good. My chest hurts. I wish I hadn’t fell into old habits, that I had just done what everyone told me to do; but I was incapable of listening.

God I wish this was all some shitty fucking dream. I wish I could wake up on Saturday, and immediately take the best course of action rather than letting this drag on. I’m trying not to drag on about it too long, I can’t change who I’ve hurt. I can’t change what I did, but I can try and change myself.

But changing myself really fucking hurts. It’s difficult. It’s not something that I can say that I admittedly want to do right now. I’m comfortable in the way I’ve been for years. I’m comfortable in my depression, i’m comfortable in my terrible attention seeking issues. I’m so fucking comfortable being a victim of my issues and then being confused when people call me out on it.

I want to be more uncomfortable than I am now. I want to writhe when I think about the things I’ve done. I want to scrunch up my face and turn away from all of these behaviors. I know i’m scared to see what i’m like without these issues. I don’t have the slightest clue who I am when i’m not like this.

I want to know who I am.

I’m probably going to sleep again on the plane. I just want to sleep in a real bed.

5:53 PM

I’m not sure if I can actually do this whole thing.

10:59 PM

I have picked up terrible habits already. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I’ve already planned to drown myself in alcohol.

I wish everyone would believe me. what can i do what can i do what can i do.

[grapecinnamon]

Claire's Lost Hope (a story to help me vent)

I would like to say that something bad happened and I would like to take that and at least make something out of it. Not something good, or something bad, I don't think, but it's something regardless. Don't feel bad for me. Because anytime I get upset, I need to make it into something, or else it'll sit and fester in me forever and turn into something terrifying. So if you're seeing this written, just know I'm better. Not cured, but better.

And now, please proceed at your own discretion.

Cw: alcohol

Claire had been hard at work with her little story. Well, it wasn’t really little as much as it 

was a long story with roughly fifty-four pages. She was excited, the feeling of finally getting motivated to write again was exhilarating. Most people who saw Claire wouldn’t expect someone like her to be so interested in literature. But still, she loved this hobby and couldn’t wait to show her mom the printed out pages. She would be the first one to read the work of art. Claire walked down the stairs. There she saw: her mother drunk on the couch. 

What a pitiful sight to witness. No, she didn’t drink because she was sad, quite the 

opposite actually. But regardless, she was not fun to be around. She wasn’t really a sad drunk, or an angry drunk, Claire would describe her as an irritating drunk. The kind that makes Claire, her own daughter, more mature. Regardless, she’d hope that maybe her mother would be different. Ah. she could picture it in her head now: Claire walks in, giving her mother the best book she’s ever written. Or at least that’s what Mom says. But it makes sense! That’s her mom after all. She doesn’t read it right away, but talks about how she’s excited to read it, not realizing how invested she’ll be in the plot, all before reaching the end, yes, finishing the book, and thinking, “I wish there was more.” And there will be. Mom will be so happy. She’ll be overjoyed that her daughter is gonna become the next Stephen King. 

But (oh god, I’m sure you know how this is gonna go, huh? Yeah, sorry, but life is a fucking sham and we’re all gonna die. Anyway…)

Claire walked in with the future publishable book in her hand, the money maker, the 

inspiration maker, the fandom maker, oh my god, Claire will have fans! She handed it to her mother as if it was the Holy Grail!

“Look! It’s the book I wrote. If you’re ever interested in reading it, please let me know 

when you take a look inside.” 

“Oh… sure…” Claire’s mom took the book and threw it onto the coffee table. She went 

back to scrolling on her phone and drinking from her wine. Yep… the book was hardly acknowledged. HARDLY ACKNOWLEDGED! Claire couldn’t believe it. No, “I can’t wait to read it.” No, “You’re so talented.” No, “I’m so proud of you, Claire. You mean the world to me. Oh my God, I’m so glad you’re my daughter.” How dare she hardly acknowledge my book. Was she even gonna read it? I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to ask. 

“So, when are you gonna read it?” Claire asked.

“Oh, I’m not gonna read it now,” Claire’s mom slurred, looking at her daughter as if she 

was accusing her of a murder. “I won’t finish it, I know that.” 

“I… you’re not?” 

“No.” 

“You’re not gonna finish it?” 

“No!” Claire had to fight back tears. 

“What do you mean? Are you even gonna read it?” 

“Oh, yeah, I’ll read it. But not now, I wanna look at these videos.”

If there was anyone more obsessed with her phone, it was her mom. My god, it was 

mind-boggling how someone could be so selfish. Was Claire just boring? Would her mom rather watch videos of other people then listen to and be invested in her own daughter about her book? Her daughter was in the fifth grade, which is not something that most fifth graders liked to do, and wrote a novel that she hoped at least her mother would put the wine glass down to look at. But it wasn’t interesting. Claire wasn’t interesting. 

Her mom didn’t even see how upset Claire was as she slowly walked up the stairs to her 

bedroom. The rest of the night was spent crying into her pillow and thinking about how boring she was. Claire could not comprehend in her heavy heart, so heavy it was like carrying a bowling ball in her ribcage, how a mother could be bored of their child. She did nothing to make her upset… Well, that’s the thing, she did NOTHING. Her brain was full of hurtful thoughts about herself. God, it would be so easy to just go back and ask her mother to elaborate, to hear her out. But, oh, she doesn’t remember what she tells her daughter by morning after a night of dry humping a bottle of liquid that tastes like nail polisher. Yes, that’s it. ‘If I was a bottle of alcohol,’ Claire thought. ‘I would never be ignored. I’d always be interesting. You can’t mix a human with cranberry juice cocktail. Ooh! Cranberry juice cocktail mixes with a lot of alcohol! I should be that instead. Those drinks never get ignored.’But then again, they get used up and the bottle gets thrown out. I guess Claire can never win. It’s hard to gain others' approval. Perhaps it was time to quit. And maybe quit something else…

This was five years ago. Claire hasn’t shared her writing projects with anyone. Yes, she’s still passionate. But there’s no way she could ever publish her stuff. If even her mother thought she was boring, so would her friends, her school, her neighbors, her town, her state, the whole world even. She couldn’t give up, but she couldn’t be public about it. If Mom thought her book was boring, so would everyone else.

[star2sworld]

5/22/24 things are I don’t know

I haven’t been on here in awhile so there is a lot to say. First, I scrolled a little down my page and god I saw the post I made about HIM last year and god I am so glad that situation is over with. It was actually so so bad. After we stopped talking things got really great for me you know. Practicing self love helped me love me for me. Not so much anymore though. Don’t know when I stopped but I did . It sucks because I feel like I worked really hard to get to where I was just to have it messed up by some boy. I mean I didn’t like him but it takes me really long to get over anything and just not being chosen hurt me I guess. I say I don’t care then think about it everyday . I mean I’ll eventually really stop caring. I wish I could stop caring now. On top of that I just finished reading perks of being a wallflower and I saw myself so much in Charlie. I ended up sobbing reading the last few pages. It was just sad. And on top of that Deeya makes me feel like she doesn’t want to talk to me. I’ve also realized that she’s kind of really negative and only focused on the bad parts so I decided to stop talking to her from today. I think she will be fine be she she adopted a dog today. The dog will save her.

I feel like I’m lying to myself when I say things are getting bad again because I’m not sure if they really are. I mean I’m doing good in school, I’ve been driving, and living I guess. I do feel off tho. My energy isn’t there and I haven’t been doing much for the past few weeks. I kinda don’t want to get better. And i especially hate taking to my therapist. I’m sorry I’m kind of writing like Charlie but I just feel like it

I decided collectively to delete all of my social media as well as ghosting deeya. I’m pretty sure I’m going there next week. Not to her house but to Ohio. If it comes up i will text her I guess. Also I kinda feel like relapsing… I just got the chills

Maybe I’m just to into my head and I’ll feel better in the morning and maybe I won’t. I’m going to try my hardest to do some self care tomorrow. I think that is the biggest cause for how I feel. I wish I never talked to that boy. He really messed me up and I barely spoke to him! Idk, just messed up my flow. Ik im focusing on the negatives right now but I just want to let it all out

Im also listening to sad songs so its adding onto the sadness yk? I also hate my body but I try to just avoid staring at my self for too long. I’ve been feeling un pretty too. I don’t feel like saying ugly. It’s pretty Kate and I have school in the morning.

I have to make up my English keystones which is embarrassing to even say LOL. But I do because I didn’t take it on the keystone days so I’m just going to take it on the makeup day which is tomorrow. I’m listening to Alex G right now

I do journal on here from time to time. Well not here on my journals app. But I want to start saying it on here because I feel like I am talking to someone and I’m being heard even tho no one will see this. My account is public so it’s still a possibility

I think the book just made me realize how lonely I feel. Just like Charlie. Having no friends does suck. And I’m going to be alone next year. When I graduate and that’s just really sad for me. I always sit alone during pep rally’s and I already hate that so much. I also have social anxiety so I know graduation is going to absolutely suck. Unless I start loving myself and start living freely. Then I won’t care if I get judged. I thought I was at the point but at the end of the day I still care about getting judged

Im getting tired I think I will sleep soon. Also, I’m going to really try to keep this no social media thing going for as long as humanly possible. I want to be done with social media especially tiktok as a whole. I have brain rot from being online so much.

One last thing. My friends birthday is coming up this Friday. I need to make her a bracelet so that’s all I’ll be doing tomorrow. I’ve gotten really close with her and I love being friends with her. Sometimes I’m scared it will get too awkward and then realize I’m not her cup of tea. I feel like I’ve always struggled with friendships tbh. I just came fake it and be bubbly so I’ll just be quiet and go mute basically. I feel like I’ve never reached that level of friendship. It might be good in the beginning but it never last yk?

Well she invited me to her birthday party. It’s next week and I’m nervous to go because her friend group will be there and I don’t know any of them. Only know of them. I’m not sure they’re okay with me even coming. I don’t want to like disturb them or interfere with their friendship and make the party awkward. I’d rather just stay home if that was the case. But, I decided to go for my friend bc I have it out her before me in this case. She invited me so I’ll show up for her. I hope it goes good. Who knows maybe they will be my future best friends. I just hope it goes good. I’m going to be manifesting it.

I’m going to visualize a good day tomorrow and then visualize me connecting to her friends really well and having a good time.

So yeah, that’s all I can think of and have the energy to write. My hands are hurting so. I’m going to be writing on here a lot with the date in front. Tomorrow I will decide when I want to go back to social media or if I want to go back at all. I just want TikTok for the pictures cuz that’s where I take my selfies lol.

Anyways! I have to be up early because I have to shower and get ready for school. Wish me luck on the keystone. I’ll try to write in the morning if I can. I’m sad I will miss class because I want to see my friend ( the girl who’s birthday party I’m going to.

Okay goodnight

going ghost on the world once again

Oh also 2 weeks until school is over yay

[rainswept]

i’m not really interactive. i like to consume content and move on. it's easier just to get my instant gratification and keep myself from being perceived in any way because it makes me nervous. but even though i don't make use of tumblr’s basic functions, in my mindless haze i still remember feelings, words, and sometimes, urls too.

when i see “rainswept” i think of lyney. i feel like that's self explanatory, via the tag for lyney x reader, i found your blog. to be honest the first few times i came across your work i scrolled past it. wasn't really interested, wanted something shorter. but one morning, i was on the hunt again and actually sat down to read a fic from your account. it took me a while to process it after, and i was very distracted for the rest of the day. weeks later, still thinking about it, the words going from my head to a pit in my stomach that nothing seemed to satisfy. and then, strangely, i found myself looking up “rainswept” more and more often to reread instead of refreshing the daily “lyney x reader”

i dont know what model of brain you have, but it's great

your writing was not the idle comfort i was used to. it hurt to read, but it hurt worse to be without. i wanted to stay with my personal image of a flirty guy who's just that. flirty. easier to digest. i couldn't.

the way you described lyney in the few works i saw took my soft hand and shoved it into a hot fire of angst. longing. fire that rises, but also falls and churns like the sea. wholly consuming in its warpath. it did not let me keep that image of lyney. in fact, the tides of rising flame tore it away from me. burned it. because there's wayy more to be said about him and how he sees the world than who he falls in love with (“curtain call” is my roman empire)

absolutely crazy idea to me at the time. wow, imagine characters having actual feelings??? wtf. to be described so viscerally, picked apart by language and left crumpled amongst the carnage of your own being on a fandom page is to be loved. i want to love the way you do

so, to me, “rainswept” is the url that introduced me to really passionate interpretations of characters i like and the beauty of prose that holds you as if it were a lingering chill on the darkest of nights. i don't think i would be nearly as interested in trying to understand characters for who they are beyond romance without your work.

“rainswept” taught me how to love a character

it could have happened eventually with someone else's blog, but it was yours. through looking at your blog and the things you repost (v fun tags, by the way), i even found others i like too. (wow, it's almost like i’m discovering how the internet works!!!) you've indirectly taught me how to appreciate nuances in writing. now, i can proudly say my taste has definitely developed away from the 2018 wattpad era

that's pretty cool. character development for me i guess? i still have a long way to go before i can understand everything in my own way, but i’m learning. today was another one of those days where your url came to mind, it's been a while. i was more than happy to follow my whim

anyways! that's all, just thought i'd share. it's my first time sending an ask (´;︵;`) i had a lot to say, and i think i still have a lot to say, but i’m sure you know the difficulties of putting feelings into words. i wanted to make sure i expressed what i could before i lost the confidence to say anything at all

thank you for sharing your writing and silly thoughts, tumblr user rainswept

P.S. i would be sad if rain actually sweeps you off your feet, which is why i also offer an umbrella—in case the weather ever becomes too harsh. be safe, dude ☂️

long post i’m putting it under a read more

what in the WORLD anon. PH:WIYbpiHWbpi,HIDDNFLWUIEBFLIHABCKUGASVCKHVSEKUHBRWLUHBGW J,H?/?/?//

GOOD LORD i think something in me literally shattered with this ask. i am SHAKing TREMBLING EVEN i cannog even get a full BREAATH in i;m LOSING MY MIND

this ask is literally the reason i made my blog. the reason i ever posted to begin with. my writing ever being seen like this was my ultimate goal. if there was anything i’ve ever wanted it was this. to move people, to change their minds, to get them to see things beyond their outward appearances — and i guess i’ve achieved that because. oh my god.

i don’t know how to do this ask justice anon. i saw it and if i was standing i think i would have fallen over. you say my prose is beautiful yet yours left me breathless. seriously, not just because it being directed towards me meant so much but also just the quality of it. i understand not wanting to present yourself publicly on tumblr, but i think you are an amazing writer and if you ever did i’d be your first follower. i would read all of the writing of yours i could get my hands on. so if you have ever had any inkling to do that, do it. you only live once (and i’d go feral for it)

speaking of writing. aside from just writing because i want to, my whole mission of sorts on here is to change how people view characters. i know i can’t alter everyone’s perception — if they think someone like lyney is just flirty snd nothing more, they’re usually going to continue thinking that — but to know that i’ve had even one person change their mind on even one character is .. astounding. not even to mention changing how someone views characters as a whole? indirectly causing someone to look deeper into them, to analyze them closer, to pick them apart like you said, to feel more when reading about them? that’s absolutely insane (positive). i will never be the same after this actually.

i write to feel, and i write to make others feel, even emotions i or they may not want to. i like digging deep into characters, into pain and sadness, because i’ve always noticed that stories that hurt stay with me longer. they make me think and think and i keep going back to them. and they may not make me feel better, but i like it anyway because, to me, what is the point of reading if it isn’t going to stick with you? what is the point of feeling if, as soon as you pry your eyes away from the pages, the emotion fades with the ink?

to know that you kept thinking about my writing, then kept coming back, and that i altered the way you view characters is. crazy to me. absolutely crazy. despite desiring it so deeply, i never thought i’d have that effect on someone else.

maybe i changed how you view characters and writing, but you continue to give me the motivation to continue doing so. and actually both are so valuable to me. to know i have moved someone enough for them to send an ask like this. i don’t know how to put into words how much this,,, affected me?? i could honestly die peacefully right now. like this is all i’ve ever wanted.

“i want to love the way you do” i think you do. i think you have. i think to send an ask like this it may take more of it. this may have not been your intent or expected outcome but this has genuinely moved me. so so much.

“rainswept taught me how to love a character” oh my GOD.

i’m so glad you did have the courage to send this, because it means more to me than you know. i will cherish this forever. i’m so honored, both that what you wanted to say to me overpowered the fear of sending an ask and the fact that you even had these words to say to me to begin with. i get what it’s like to be afraid when it comes to reaching out, but know you will always be welcome here, whether it’s heartfelt words or genuinely anything. if you do have more to say, ever, i will absolutely welcome it with open arms

it takes a lot to reach out like this, but just know this is the most valuable interaction i think i have ever had on tumblr. if this doesn’t stick with me for life i think it’ll be safe to say i’ve lost all my memories. maybe i’m being dramatic, but i want you to know the extent that this has changed me (it’s fundamentally).

i don’t know how to say thank you for this. i think this will singlehandedly carry my motivation and will to keep creating for the rest of my life. i think i will keep writing because of it (and because of you, to know you are out there and once continued to return, even if i leave tumblr, even if you no longer do). to know someone out there was genuinely moved by what i also was is the greatest motivation i could ever dream of. whoever you are, i love you.

i was going to copy and paste some things you said and comment on them in particular, but i could literally do that to the entire ask. but i hope you know i will likely continue to reread every single word of this ask over and over until i can recite it because oh my god i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life

“curtain call is my roman empire” anon THIS is my roman empire 😭

this is so so all over the place because it made me so emotional LMAO i am so sorry. i don’t know how to summarize all i want to say, or go over everything you have said, but just know that i will keep every single word of this close to my heart and cherish it like i probably never have anything else.

thank you for everything. including the umbrella — rain doesn’t usually sweep me off my feet, but this ask did so i’ll use it for that instead.

[after-witch]

And the Doctor Said [Yandere L Lawliet x Reader]

Title: And the Doctor Said [Yandere L Lawliet x Reader]

Synopsis: You’re sick.  You’re sick and he won’t admit it, and what, he just wants you to die here?

For Horrorfest request: L Lawliet + Hypochondria

Word count: 963

notes: yandere, kidnapped reader, reader is a hypochondriac, emotional abuse

You stick the thermometer in your mouth for the third time that morning, and ignore the way that L’s frown deepens at the gesture. You don’t much care for what your captor thinks, anyway, and especially not about important matters like these.

“And why are you measuring your temperature again?” The words come out measured and calm, but you--having been around him for too long now--detect the edge of irritation in them.

“You know why,” you say, words half-garbled through the plastic on your tongue. “Stop pretending you don’t.”

He hums and watches and waits for the thermometer to beep. When it does--beep, beep, beep--you pull it out and grin at the reading, despite the thin thread of fear slowly unraveling inside your belly.

“Aha! I told you! See! See!” You thrust it towards his face, and he takes it, careful not to touch the part that’s slightly damp with your drool.

“37C,” he reads. “That’s not a fever. I don’t know why you sound so triumphant.”

“Because,” you retort, snatching the thermometer back from his grubby little hands. “It’s above the normal temperature, which you know is 36 to 36.8 exactly. And if it’s above the normal temperature, that explains everything else that’s going on with me.”

The note of triumph in y our voice is trimmed with anxiety. Because while being right when L is wrong is one of the few things left gloating for in your sad compact little life, if you’re right, it means… well.  Something far more serious than a simple cold.

L stares at you, blinking.

“Don’t tell me you’re still stuck on that. I already told you, your self-diagnosis was faulty and filled with errors. It wouldn’t hold up to a nervous first year medical student’s analysis.”

Your grip on the thermometer tightens, before you slam it down on the counter. You whirl, fuming, even though your stomach and your head hurt, and stomp into the living room to retrieve your laptop. The top opens fluidly--you don’t want to break it--and you bring up your latest search results.

“There,” you say, resolute, bitter, terrified but stubborn as hell. “See? All of my symptoms are there. The headache. The stomach ache. The dizziness. The insomnia. The fever--” You don’t even look behind you when you retort to the look he’s surely making--”It’s going to be a fever soon, it counts.” 

Your fingers tremble as you scroll down the page, noting how every symptom lines up with your current state. Yes, you do feel more anxious than usual. Yes, you do feel a sense of impending doom. Yes, you do feel like you can’t sleep. Yes, your appetite is affected… it’s all there, black and white, easy to see

Easy for you to see, while he ignores what’s right in front of him.

You hear L move, hear the creak of the stool in the kitchen, before you see him settle down next to on the sofa.

He calmly puts his fingers on the bottom of your laptop, and you let him, because if he would just read the symptoms then he would know that you’re right. And he would take you to a doctor, instead of forcing you to sip tea and take cold medicine every few hours.

“You do not have,” he starts, before turning the screen to face himself. His voice maintains its soft monotone expression as he continues. “One of the rarest blood disorders in the world that can cause cold-like symptoms which may be a sign of impending organ failure.” The only sign of his agitation is the sigh that he lets out as he closes the laptop, much to your annoyance.

“I’m taking away your laptop privileges,” he says. He sets the closed laptop next to him, where you can’t reach, unless you want to try to fight him for it. You don’t.

“You’re what?” Your fingers itch to reach for it, but then--might sudden movements trigger your condition? Was it like a blood clot, in that way? Maybe you had a blood clot, your leg was feeling strange lately, and surely you’d been sitting down too much in the last 24 hours. “You can’t do that.” Your voice is tinged with the helplessness you feel, raw, thready.

“Of course I can.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I should have done this sooner. It’s only contributing to your condition, really.”

You freeze.

“My condition? So you admit it?” Your heart thumps and there’s a jittery sort of triumph in your stomach, but it’s so overrun with worry that you barely feel it. Has he known this whole time? Was he planning on just letting you die? Maybe that was what he got off on, making you fret and worry, watching you get sick, half-ass nursing you while you slowly faded away.

He chews on his thumb while your brain chews on itself. “I suppose I’ve been in denial about it. But it’s clear that you are suffering.” He sighs again. “I’ll have Watari send over some modules on how best to treat it. But I think taking away your ability to research every disease known to mankind is a good starting point.”

He reaches out and, as if you’re some sort of timid cat, pats your shoulder reassuringly.

You don’t flinch, exactly, but it’s not often that he bothers touching you without asking first.

“I…” The words come out slowly. “I don’t understand. What can Watari do about my blood disorder?”

L quirks his head to the side. And then his eyes widen, when he realizes where it all went wrong.

“You don’t have a blood disorder. I told you that.” He smiles, just a little one, but it digs right into you like a sharp hook. “It’s called hypochondria. Would you like me to look up the symptoms?”

[iwadori]

When you ask the haikyu boys “do you think I'm pretty?” (Iwaizumi, Atsumu, Kuroo)

genre: slight angst, fluff

masterlist

Iwaizumi: You and Iwaizumi were lounging in your room, him laying in bed watching tv whilst you were standing in the mirror staring at yourself. “hey Y/N-”

“Hajime, do you think I'm pretty?” you asked still staring at yourself, poking and prodding at your body as you look in the mirror. Iwaizumi looked at you as if you’ve grown another head, and stood up standing behind you in the mirror placing his face in the crook of your neck with his hands wrapping around your waist making you jump slightly “Hajime,” you groan “your hands are cold.”

“I don’t care Y/N,” he said keeping his hands there “me and my cold hands aren’t moving until you tell me what’s brought on your weird question.”

“It’s nothing...” you mumble, your eyes now casting away from the mirror.

“Well it’s something,” he said giving you a slight squeeze, making you wince from the coldnest off his hands “c’mon Y/N, I just want you to feel better”

You relax into his hold and stare back at the mirror, “it’s just sometimes, when I look at myself in the mirror I don’t feel good. Sometimes I try and avoid looking at myself overall, its unbearable... All parts about me, my -”

“Woah, don’t continue your sentence babe,” he raises his head from the crook of you neck looking directly at you in the mirror “I don’t want to hear you talking about yourself like that, I know it may be hard right now and my words may not mean anything. But I need you to know that I think you’re pretty and I’ll tell you that everyday if I have to just so that you know you’re beautiful.”

“But Iwa don’t you think I need to change?”

“Nope, not at all.” he says resting his face back into your neck “If you want to change, then I can’t stop you but I don’t want you to do it, just because you think you aren’t pretty, you’re goregous Y/N” he mumbles the last bit directly on your neck, and your heart flutters from his words and feeling the vibration of his voice directly on your skin.

He spins you around so you’re now actually facing him, “It saddens me to hear you think that way about yourself, but I promise I'll make sure you know otherwise because I love you, regardless of what you look like” he says finishing with a kiss on your forehead.

Atsumu: You were scrolling through instagram and smiled seeing your boyfriend as the picture for a Sports AD, when you go to the page he was psted on you see even more pictures of him posted with beautiful women, smiling and laughing. You decided to scroll through the comments and saw majority of them just gushing over how good the girl and your boyfriend looked together and it made you a little hurt inside.

Atsumu eventually got home from practice and saw you in your closet, tear stained and rummaging through everything you own. You don’t really know how you made it into this position but after seeing those comments and reading some angst works, you managed to get yourself into this state.

“Y/N are you alright?” he said shocked by your sad appearance.

“Atsumu do you think im pretty?” you asked with a frown. He was even more stunned hearing this question leave your lips, he went to sit down next to you in your closet and his eyes softened seeing how sad you really looked.

“Of course I think your pretty!” he said putting his hand on your thigh “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know, but wouldn’t you feel better with someone who matches you physically?” you asked,

“What do you mean? You’re the one that matches me”

“I saw the ad deal you did, with that beautiful girl and all the comments were talking about how great you looked together, and I can’t say I disagree.”

“Don’t say that Y/N, she was just a model and you are the prettiest girl I know and that isn’t even a lie” he says.

“You really think so?” you ask putting your face in your hands, suddenly feeling embarrased.

“Yes I do” he pulls you into his arms, lifting your head out of your arms “you really are beautiful, and I don’t see how you don’t see it, but I hope one day you do.”

“Thanks Tsumu, I hope so too” you said, smiling as he gives you a soft kiss on the forehead “now will you help me put back all my clothes.”

“Sure” he saids standing up “Only if you answer this serious question,”

“What?”

“Who’s prettier, me or Osamu?” he said with all seriousness, staring at you hardly for an answer.

“Well....” you say “Osamu does have prettier eyes” you joke laughing as Atsumu grabs a tshirt and throws it at you.

Kuroo: you and Kuroo were watching TV, and you could tell by the way that Kuroo was looking at you that things were about to get a little heated making you feel nervous. When you show ended and Kuroo leaned towards you giving you a kiss, at first you let him kiss you but then you just froze when he felt his hands start to wonder.

“Y/N, are you okay?” he asked moving from you and looking worried.

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

“What do you mean? Of course you’re pretty” he said now fully confused.

“Remember, Lev’s sister from highschool Alisa? The russian looking model?”

“Yeah, what about her?”

“You used to pine, after her fawning and fanning over her beauty and of course back then I didn’t look like her and I don’t look like her now so I jus- I dont know...”

“So you don’t think your pretty because of my apparent teenage crush on Lev’s sister?” he asked slightly dumbfounded.

“No, It’s just all the women you surround yourself around just aren’t like me at all, and I am just ugly in comparison.”

“Don’t say that Y/N, I don’t know why you think this. Because if you didn’t notice, all the times i was apparently ‘pining,’ after Alisa in highschool, I was really staring at you. Why do you think I invited you to all our games back then and all the women I am around aren’t like you because there is noone that can be compared to you, seriously Y/N” he said “When I first met you, I thought you were beautiful and of course you’ve changed a bit its called growing up and I don’t want you to feel that you aren’t pretty or that I don’t find you pretty because I do, of course I do. Everyone I possibly knows I do, because they probably do too.”

“Oh”

“Yeah oh.” he repeated with his usual goofy smirk on his face, he pulls you into his holds and peppers kisses all over your face “You are beautiful, and I’ll tell you that every second of the day.”

“Thanks Tetsu, I know I'm being a bit silly and all but sometimes I do just think you’re better off with someone better.”

“Well theres noone better than you babes,” he puts on another show and spends the rest of the night complimenting every part of you, from a scar you gained when you were a child, to the shape of your ears and eyelashes to the little moles you didn’t even know you had but it seems he knew, since he pays attention and loves every single part of you.

General taglist [bold can’t be tagged]: @saxuuxi, @iimoonii @hamdehlesmis @Shoyosupremacy, @iambashfulperson @kayleighbeccaa @dearkousei @bakugouswh0r3 @xedspirits @borpcorp @soft-angel-clouds @foxxtrot-116 @Xogiaaa, @jesssobs @apple-poptarts @galagcica @letssssus s @random-734 @rinyx @rybunie @cant-think-of-a-username @kuroohoeee @kellesvt @jojowantstocry @shinsouscatpisssmell @succulentmom @crystal-lilacs @jihyunieeee @mysterystarz @flushphoria @tetsunarin @joyaphoria @elektrosonix @maizumis @fandomsgotmefucked @drageonix22 @uwu-queen-420 @crapimahuman @tesoromia @pelicanpizza @conchetucona @akaashis-wife @crystal-lilac @bokutoslittledoll @taroboba111 [join the taglist here]

AN: message to you all... whenever I write short things like this it means I lack INSPIRATION AND IDEAS sooo um yeah

[wolfstarhaven]

I've been scrolling through your page and you seem to have an IMPRESSIVE ability to find 'hidden gems' or recs that I haven't heard of before (and boy have i been looking) so thank you for that! I was wondering if you had any fics that you thought were the best hidden gems or overall most underrated?

Hi anon🌸 Thank you for your kind words!

I’ll do my best, but this is a bit difficult for me to answer. You see, I’m really bad at keeping track of which fics are well known, and which are “obscure”. I mean, of course I understand when a fic is extremely popular, but more than that it gets difficult, as I never really look at the number of hits or kudos on fics. But here you have my best try: some fics that I think deserve way more attention!

in the current, moving forward, by @alifeincoffeespoons (6k)

In the scorching summer of 1926, Remus Lupin—war veteran, Yale alumnus, starving artist—moves to West Egg, Long Island to write.

A historical AU, inspired by The Great Gatsby. Slightly angsty, well-written and oh so beautiful. This deserves way more love and appreciation!

On Edge, by wannnabesuper (7k)

Every time they meet, Remus gives Sirius a new ridiculous reason for having been on the cliff where they met.

Starts of cute and then turns pretty sad. A beautiful little fic that deserves way more attention!

the name of the game, by @pavementlupin (5k)

“You’re insufferable,” Sirius says. He is looking at Remus, and looking at him. Remus feels filleted, necrotic, like letting a wound fester and showing up at hospital too late and watching the doctor look at you like this is your fault. “You’re insufferable,” he hands the fag to Remus who pulls like he’s starving, “and did you know there is green in your eyes.”

Indexofangels is, of course, a pretty well known wolftstar writer - so I can’t possibly understand how this fic isn’t more popular? It’s a bloody masterpiece!

ten reasons (to go to michigan), by @greyeyedmonster-18 (59k)

A story of simple pleasures, love, and home.

Ok so this might not qualify to be called an ‘obscure’ fic - but with how INCREDIBLE this is it should be up there with Text Talk, that’s the art of getting by, Light in August and all other classics. This fic is so much more than a wolfstar story of love. Oh, how much this fic means to me!

Exposed, by edgewareroad (3k)

At eleven, Remus boarded the Hogwarts Express ready to keep secrets. In the end, there are none he can keep from Sirius.

My go-to fic when I need some hurt/comfort! Go give it some more kudos!

A Bird At Your Door, by moongoblin (32k)

Of pub quizzes, old films, Chinese takeaways, broken arms, and impassioned discussions of literature: Remus is confusing, and Sirius is just trying to figure him out.

A slightly angsty (happy ending), slow burn, light enemies-to-lovers fic filled to the brim with pining. With Winnie the Pooh references!! That are actually so lovely??? Read this right away!

I hope you find at least something you haven’t already read!

xx Elliot🌸

[henry-and-the-seven-lords]

Hello @gluttonousfruit you are in fact my first request. (I did not forget about you in moving my blog.) I am super excited to have anyone ask me to write something! Also I would love to be friends! Feel free to message me through asks or in private DMs! I hope you enjoy the imagine!

Warnings: Fluff with a small amount of angst because Levi doubts himself 😞

Brothers Masterlist | Dateables Masterlist

Levi with an Animator S/O

"Okay MC, I know we just finished 'Swimming Only Leads to Hot Mermaids,' but I was thinking since we are already watching otomes, we should watch another series that everyone is recommending online!" Levi says this as he begins to pull out one DVD and place in another while bouncing on the balls of his feet like an excited puppy.

"I guess I could watch one more series, but it better be a good one. Sure the mermaids were attractive, but there wasn't much of a plot." MC says with a yawn. A quick look over to the clock, and it reads 11:48 PM in a blinding blue light. Not too late for one of Levi's normal bingefests, but a little too late for MC when they have classes tomorrow.

"No, I promise this one is good. Everyone is talking about the art style. They say it is so original that it's captivating." Levi walks to the small futon briskly and plops himself down next to MC as he continues to ramble about the art. His voice slowly trails off as the opening begins to play.

As the music fills MC's ears, they perk up and a small smile appears on their face. "Levi, could this perhaps be, 'I Went to Hell For a Weekend and Got Stuck in a Love Heptagon with Seven Incubi'?"

Levi faces MC in shock. The look on their face is quite smug. (In all seriousness, it reminds Levi of Mammon when he wins poker, but he doesn't want to be think about his brother while looking at MC. So he pushes that thought away.) This anime came out only the day before their bingefest. And even then, Levi had this copy pre-ordered for this very occasion and it arrived before any stores were selling physical copies. There is no way a normie like MC could have heard about its release. Does this mean MC isn't such a normie after all?

"You heard of this show already?" The surprise in his voice was impossible to hide.

"Yeah, I have heard of it." MC smiles and chuckles quietly, "I have never actually seen it, but I have heard the opening quite a few times."

"Oh..." Levi sighs. He was so stupid. Of course MC had heard the opening. It is all over his Devilgram and they were on their phone for part of the last show, so they obviously just heard it on there. Levi deflates looking solemn. It was just a pipe dream that MC would ever be interested in his yucky otaku interests.

"Hey! There is no reason to be all sad just because I know the name of the show. I still haven't seen the whole thing. My first time watching will still be with you Levi, isn't that special enough?" The smile on MC's face seemed sincere enough, but the words that came out of their mouth made blood rush up to Levi's cheeks. Their first... did they really mean to say it like that?...

As thoughts begin to flood Leviathan's head the show began. It was true the art style was captivating. So captivating in fact, that he forgot about his embarrassment. But MC's words still lingered in his mind as he watched the show.

---------------------------------------------------------

"Well, I am dead tired." MC stands cracking their aching joints as they look at the clock. 2:37 AM. It was that late already? "I think I need to head to bed Levi. I have classes in the morning and I need at least a few hours of sleep."

"Are you sure?" Levi was just starting to enjoy MC's presence. At the beginning of the night, he was on edge trying to make everything perfect. Levi did want to mess up by being a yucky Otaku and give them a reason to leave him all alone. But as the night progressed, (and more snacks were consumed) he felt increasingly more comfortable with sharing his favorite shows with MC. "I have other shows we could watch to pass the time, or we could play this new game I got-"

MC walks over to Levi and gently sets their hands on his shoulders, "Games and anime are great, but what I need right now is sleep." MC watched as Levi's face filled with a blush and his eyes flashed with hurt. "I am not leaving because I am mad... or sad... or anything really. I just need to sleep, Leviathan." Their voice was barely above a whisper as they said his name. How could he disagree with them when they said his name like that; all the while, looking deep into his eyes. He felt like he could explode.

As MC turns away, the demon in question then sighs mutters a quiet "okay" under his breath. "Don't worry, Levi. This isn't the last time I will watch anime with you. I promise we can do another one of these when another new anime comes out." MC begins to pick up their things. A blanket they brought with them to keep warm in Levi's cold room and the rest of their human snacks. "Besides, I really liked that one, and I have heard they are already making season two." As they speak, MC makes their way across the room to the gigantic tank.

"Wait. How do you-"

"Good night Henry. Good night Levi." And with that, MC leaves. Closing the door behind them.

How did MC know about a second season? Even he, the Great Otaku Levi, has not heard about a season two on any forums or on any other website... After thinking about it, Levi suspects it's probably on Devilgram like the opening was. To prove his theory, he pulls out his D.D.D. and opens up Devilgram to the 'I Went to Hell For a Weekend and Got Stuck in a Love Heptagon with Seven Incubi' page. He scrolls through their posts and finds the opening, like he predicted, but what he didn't predict was their most recent post.

"This show would not have been possible without MC. Thank you for making such a great story and great art to go along with it!"

Levi reads the caption once, twice, thrice and is speechless. The photo for this post is none other than his MC standing with a hand drawn piece of the protagonist. He can even see their signature in the corner when he zooms in! He knew that they liked to draw, but he never thought they would make an anime.

Without thinking, Levi gets up and begins to run to MC's room. He needs to know that this isn't some sort of elaborate prank that MC and Satan brewed up to make him like a normie more.

The door to MC's room busts open, "MC!" The room is completely dark except for the light shining in through the doorway.

"Levi...? Is that you? Is something wrong?" MC's voice is soft and laced with sleep. If this were any other time, Levi would have screamed over their cuteness, but today he had a mission. He immediately marches up to the half asleep MC and promptly shoves his phone in their face.

"Did you make 'I Went to Hell For a Weekend and Got Stuck in a Love Heptagon with Seven Incubi'?" MC sits up and squints as their eyes adjust to the blinding screen and look at the post.

"Um... yeah. That's me isn't it?" Silence takes over the room, before Levi begins to scream.

"WAHHHHH! MC, why didn't you tell me!" Thankfully with the phone only being pointed at MC, they can't see the blush spreading across his face.

"Well, I didn't want you to treat me differently because I make anime." Laying back down as they speak, MC tucks a pillow under their head and looks up to where they guess Leviathan's face is. "Besides, I thought it was really cute how you were fanboying, and I didn't want you to stop because you knew you were in the presence of the creator." A small smile makes it's way on to MC's face as Levi feels his own get hotter.

Now covering his face, Levi quickly makes his way to the door while muttering, "You can't just say things like that..." As he begins to close the door, he pauses and opens it up again while looking back, "Can you tell me more about your show tomorrow, MC?" His voice sounds small compared to his previous scream.

"Of course Levi. We can talk for as long as you like."

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 315: I Didn’t Expect This to Blow Up

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “guess which plot that you thought was dead is actually not dead and is making a comeback!” and we were all “EVIL HPSC??” and he was all “girl you know it,” and that’s the story of how we got a sexy Lady Nagant flashback with lots of guns and murder. Flashback!Lady was all “gotta murder peeps to preserve the people’s trust,” but then a little while later she was like “actually wait that makes no sense,” and so she shot her evil boss and they sent her to jail. Back in the present, Deku was all “okay fair, the hero system might in fact be a little fucked up, but hear me out... have you considered not helping AFO take over the world so he can murder like a bazillion more innocent people??” The chapter ended with the not-all-there Overhaul finally revealing himself to Deku, and I honestly have no idea where this is gonna go.

Today on BnHA: In what is unfortunately the single worst plan ever concocted by anyone in BnHA, Nagant is all “I’m going to try and get this Deku kid to panic and freeze up by putting someone in mortal danger.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t panic and freeze up at the sight of someone in mortal danger].” Nagant is all “omg no way.” Deku, who is now all of a sudden being so OP that even I have to acknowledge that it’s OP lol, is all “[smashes Nagant’s gun arm to bits]”, which sucks but is also really cool, and which also apparently makes Nagant decide that she actually likes this kid after all. Deku is all “NAGANT I REALLY LIKE YOU AND THINK YOU’RE GREAT SO PLEASE JOIN UP WITH ME AND STOP BEING EVIL.” Nagant is all “aw shucks (✿ •͈ᴗ•͈) well okay then” and everyone is all “( ･◡･) ✰ ( ˆᴗˆ ) ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)” and then Nagant FUCKING EXPLODES LIKE AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE AND FALLS TO HER DEATH!!!! except not really because Hawks saves her??? In conclusion, (a) THE FUCK, and (b) AFO TURN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANT TO TALK.

so I have to tell you guys something, which is that barely ten minutes after I made that “please don’t send me spoilers” post the other day, someone replied to the comments in a stunning fit of “tell me that you’re twelve without actually telling me you’re twelve” energy and posted what seemed to be the copy-pasted spoiler summary from reddit or twitter or whatever lol. so here is my good news/bad news rundown of all that

good news: I have very well-conditioned ABORT!! reflexes and have trained myself to immediately look away from the screen (usually in dramatic fashion) as soon as I realize that whatever I’m reading is a spoiler

bad news: unfortunately as I was subsequently deleting said comments, I accidentally read the very last one

good news??: said spoiler was so unbelievably, absurdly over-the-top that I’m almost positive this person was just trolling. like, there’s just no way lmao

bad news: but in the unlikely event that it is true I will absolutely lose my shit I swear to god

(ETA: “NAGANT DIES.” that was the spoiler I read lol. like, literally all I read from the person’s comments was “My Hero Academia Chapter 315 Title: “Beautiful Words.” Chapter starts with...” and then I noped out of there, and then of all the comments to read as I was deleting, it had to be that one lol. I seriously was just like “SURE, JAN.” all “just how gullible do you think I am” sob. but I was wrong. a troll, but an honest troll they remain.

but anyways like I’m pretty sure Nagant isn’t even actually dead lol, so in the end this whole little adventure doesn’t even have a point to it, but for me it was a journey!)

anyway, so there are apparently two versions of the chapter today?? no idea what the difference is, but I’m going to go with the Bean version, because it’s the one at the top and I don’t feel like making decisions today

huh, so Overhaul is actually more coherent than Horikoshi was letting on

look at him having a whole back and forth conversation with her. side note, how is he still this jacked when he’s been sitting in a cell doing absolutely nothing for the past six months

anyway so he says he’ll go with her on one condition. I wonder what that condition could possibly be. do you think it could be the thing he literally hasn’t shut up about ever since he reappeared lol

yep! and damn -- maybe this guy will surprise me after all

still would be nice if you also felt a bit sorry for the little girl you tortured and traumatized, but this is something at least. maybe Deku will yell at him for that other stuff lol

(ETA: also can’t help but wonder if he wants to make amends because he put him in a coma, or because his plan was a failure and ended up destroying the family. just hoping you’ve finally had that “hurting other people is bad” epiphany dude.)

anyways so now Nagant’s arm is transforming again, and this particular transformation happens to be the only truly unsexy thing that Nagant has done thus far so I’m just gonna skip right on ahead lol

aaaaand we’re back to the delirious ranting

buddy. just. read the fucking room, guy

wow she really is aiming at Overhaul, then. those theories were spot-on

damn she’s really out here all “it really fucks with kids’ heads when you kill people right in front of them and make them blame themselves” like yo

I’m picturing her saying all this in a very loud stage-whispery tone while making very significant eye contact with Deku lol

uh oh but wait

um. okay. who’s gonna tell her. Nagant I might have some bad news for you about the kid you’re trying to capture here. specifically about the way he tends to do the opposite of what you’re thinking that he’s about to do

holy shit

so it’s basically just “tap x repeatedly to charge up your attack” lol

and okay, so that’s cool and all, but is anyone else wincing at the thought of what that must be like on his knees. oh to be young

anyway, but so to the surprise of basically no one, Deku did not, in fact, freeze. I am very sorry, Nagant. he’s just like this

LMAO

someone wanna tell me how getting yoloed in the fucking ribs by this fucking slingshot kid moving at literal sniper bullet speed is in any way even remotely better than getting hit by the bullet itself lol

(ETA: this is 10x funnier now that we know the bullet wasn’t even gonna hit him lmao.)

anyway so now Nagant is having an extended “!?!?!?” reaction about how Deku just moved with no hesitation, and I’m starting to get an inkling of fear that the rest of this fight isn’t going to go very well for her and maybe that’s what all the “hoo boy” is about

oh my god Deku are you about to Gomu Gomu no Rocket yourself at her you insane little man

now Three is popping up again and he’s all “I see you’ve learned your lesson and are now only using three quirks at once instead of five” like with all this effusive praise about how great and badass Deku is and sob, okay, yeah. this chapter is basically one of those machines that shoots tennis balls at people, except instead of tennis balls it shoots hot piping discourse

OH MY GOD

YOOOOOOOOOO but also, NOOOOOOOOOOO

lol oh my god it’s literally two opposing reactions at once wtf. do I love this or hate this. like just for once can Horikoshi actually let a badass lady character win their fucking fight without getting their arm ripped off, BUT ALSO fucking look at that absurdly cool “SMASH” onomatopoeia though. it looks like it’s about to float right off the page holy shit that’s some seriously good art

anyway so is this really the end?? do I need to break out my ಠ_ಠ faces

lmao okay yeah I can definitely see how this would piss a lot of people off

he basically one-shotted her and she’s all “damn this kid is so amazing that I’m about to do a complete 180 turn on all of my previous angst” lmao. Horikoshi is really shounening it up today

on the plus side though, maybe this means there’s still a chance for her to join up with him after all? unless that spoiler was true lmao, then all hell is gonna break loose

YESSSSSSS

OH MY GOD AND HE SAYS THE BULLET WOULDN’T HAVE DONE MORE THAN GRAZE OVERHAUL ANYWAY, wow, I’m actually more relieved by that than I would have expected. I mean I would have forgiven her either way, but it means that there was still more hero in her than she was letting on

YES!!! FUCKING YES, THANK YOU

lol but I mean, it’s also like, “oh so today they get to have brain cells”, thank you so much lol. sometimes it’s really hard to tell which times we’re supposed to question these character decisions that seem dumb, and which times we’re just supposed to full on embrace them and switch off our critical thinking

but okay, so in this case it really was Nagant going easy on him on purpose, and not just her fucking up for no good reason even though she used to do this for a living and was the best in the game. and I know in this case it’s probably just Horikoshi giving us some consolation headpats to soften the blow of her losing so abruptly, but you know what, shit. I’ll take it

also you guys the light is coming back into Deku’s eyes again for just a moment here and I’m having feels about it?? the way it still comes back when he’s reaching out to save someone, and following his own hero path instead of the much darker and lonelier Christopher Nolan path that’s been laid out for him instead that he never wanted?? it’s both reassuring and also very sad

YESSSSSSSSSSS

DO IT LADY OMG PLEASE?? PLEASE COME BE HIS NEW IRRESPONSIBLE ADULT SUPERVISION YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

AHHHHHHH SHE’S GONNA DO IT AHHHH

p.s. I am now absolutely scared shitless that that spoiler was actually true sob. swear to god, I will throw this manga into a fucking volcano. but we’re almost at the end of the chapter and this seems just WAY TOO GOOD to be true fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck f

UCK

NOPE NAH SEND IT BACK, NOPE, NUH UH, DIDN’T ORDER THIS. “GULLIBLE” OKAY FUCK YOU?? “COUNTERMEASURES” NOPE, DON’T NEED ‘EM, WE’RE ALL FINE HERE. WE’RE ACTUALLY GOOD SO YOU CAN JUST GO, OKAY. PLEASE

fuck, lol, I don’t wanna do it. I don’t wanna scroll down what have I ever done to deserve this oh my god

WHAT THE HONEY-ROASTED FUCK

WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING VOLCANO IN ICELAND THAT I KEEP SEEING ALL THESE PICTURES OF. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT. LET’S GO

ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW

can someone please give AFO a really good, sharpish kick in the balls. just really let him have it. I’m so tired, what the fuck

-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME LOL WHAT

bro. I was literally going through my Excel folders to find the spreadsheet about female characters in BnHA that I made back when Midnight died. was gearing myself up for a wholeass rant. and honestly I might just let all of that continue simmering on low to keep it warm just in case lol, because to tell you the truth I have absolutely no idea what’s happening right now

my girl straight up does not have a face. she used to have a face. people usually need those, idk. like, even if she’s alive, her gorgeous eyebrows are definitely not making it out of this and I’m gonna throw a funeral just for them

how the fuck did AFO just blow her up?? how did he know what was going on?? and if he had a quirk that could explode people at will, why is this the first we’re hearing of it?? you’d think that might have come in handy at Kamino or Jakku, like what

(ETA: present!me, who’s had more than three hours of sleep and can now actually remember facts about the series, would like to remind past!me that AFO gave Nagant a quirk, and so this is probably just more Vestige shenanigans now on his part. that’s also probably why Air Walk suddenly stopped working out of nowhere. still doesn’t explain why he doesn’t go around blowing people up more often though but maybe he thinks it’s gauche.)

Hawks just straight up out of nowhere. just Mirioed his way straight into the chapter just in time to be too late sob. here I was looking forward to seeing your face when Deku showed up with his new best friend. can’t believe Horikoshi deprived us of that moment

on the plus side, WELCOME BACK, HAWKS’S FEATHERS. I have no doubt that in this chapter of Deku being an almighty threequirk-mastering god, and Nagant losing anticlimactically only to be immediately blown up because girl characters in BnHA can only be cool for one fight and one fight only, there are still some people who are focusing solely on the “how dare Hawks get his wings back when he is a MURDERER this is an outrage what about CONSEQUENCES” discourse, and to hell with all the other discourses lmao

anyway, so yeah. wow. and now it’s just occurring to me that maybe the real reason why Overhaul is there is so he can get a head start on that amend-making by actually doing a good thing for once in his life, and using his quirk to heal Nagant. assuming he can still do that

and so now Horikoshi has got me out here actually rooting for Overhaul. you know what, on that note I think I’m just gonna go ahead and call it a day sob

[hekateinhell]

Lestat next episode “she’s poisoning you against me”…..He beat Louis nearly to death and dropped him from the gotdamn sky, he poisoned himself. Nice to know though that Lestat considers it to be the equivalent of throwing a dish and doesn’t see what the big deal is. Lestat’s dumb but not this stupid. Not sure what the writers are trying to do here because even after seeing Louis’ broken and mangled body he doesn’t even blink and the preview makes it sound as though he doesn’t even feel real remorse. Lestat’s a vicious little gremlin but you get the sense he truly loves Louis and Claudia and would never actually truly harm them, he wants them to stay so badly and I think even he would know that something like this is a point of no return. This Lestat has no love for Claudia and is just obsessed with Louis in the worst way possible. I’m sad cause I love the characters, I love the actors and this all just felt so OOC. Also, people saying Lestat’s actions are just as bad as when Claudia tries to kill Lestat 🥲

Sorry I know you don’t watch the show but I had to vent lol

Actually I do, because I'm a fucking masochist. I AM done after today though.

I wanted to like it! Genuinely, I wanted to be proven wrong and I wanted to be having a good time along with three-fourths of fandom! Every week I would watch with my friends and wonder what's wrong with me, what am I not getting? I WANTED TO HAVE FUN TOO GODDAMN IT.

Didn't help that you got outright bullied for expressing the slightest bit of criticism around here lmao maybe that's what gave the impression that I don't watch it, since I did not have anything nice to say at all. I tried making my own tag so people could just block THAT and I wouldn't be raining on anyone's parade, but it doesn't stop those who are committed to creeping on your page (hi babes) so ANYWAY

I mean... I AGREE. And I never saw Lestat in Samstat, and given how he swung in like Homelander in Episode 1, I just felt... but then also like... I DIDN'T WANT THIS!!! I still haven't regained full coherency as you can see, I'm gonna need 3-5 business days at least.

Because Lestat did never and Lestat would never. I've said it many times with great affection: Lestat's an idiot but he ain't stupid.

This quote has been going around today, and I've been carrying it too to comfort my Loustat friends because the girlies are hurting in a bad, bad way (and tbh so am I):

Yet I couldn't hurt him. I couldn't even conceive of carrying out such awful, cowardly threats. I could never have brought harm to Claudia. Ah, to make something out of nothing, yes. To throw up the pieces to see how they will fall, yes. But vengeance. Ah, arid awful distasteful vengeance. What is it to me? ~ Lestat, TotBT

I can't envision AMC Hannibal/Homelander-Lestat as either IWTV-Lestat or TVL-onward Lestat. Plain and simple--it is an OC. They all are.

Even if AMC retcons it by the next episode, I just don't see any editorial justification for that to have happened on-screen without content warnings (yeah, I'm not going to let this one go). 

We talk about exposition and the art of a narrative a lot and not to sound ignorant but... RJ, BRUH. I don't blame the actors! Actors don't make the decisions on set and Sam, Jacob, and Bailey killed it with what they were given. And I have given them their props since day one.

IDK I'm sorry for anyone who got hurt today, honestly! The Doctor prescribes reading your favourite hurt/comfort fics and scrolling through your emotional support fan artists. ♥️

[ficsyoumayhavemissed]

Reduce, Recycle, … remove? — @reminiscingintherain

611 words / Zayn x Louis, Niall x Liam, Harry x Greg James

When someone’s nicking recycling out of the rubbish bins, who’s going to take them to task?

This fic is such a delightful nibblet of this author’s writing! Their characterization is always so wonderful and how they manage to do it in so few words is a miracle!

There’s always been a Rainbow hanging over your head — Larryissocute / @jaanwangji

2.086 words / Harry x Louis

Louis sighs tugging at a loose thread on the edge of the blanket, "I dunno, really. I feel numb sort of, but that's okay 'cause I don't really wanna feel anything. Not now at least."

Or, they talk a little and that's progress.

This fic succeeds in being very sweet and sad at the same time: the perfect type of hurt/comfort for everyone who can sympathize with the character’s situations. Kudos to the author for giving us a great addition to a series that handles Louis’ emotional breakdown and the effects it has both on him and Harry, who manages to be a supportive husband even through his own struggles. (Warnings: mentions of an emotional breakdown/emotional distress and implicit anxiety/panic attacks)

Can't Buy My Love, Can Buy Me Dinner — LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

9.615 words / Harry x Louis, Zayn x Liam

Is it ethical to accept a dinner date for the free food? And will you hate me when I go anyway?

Fact 1: Louis hates Harry Styles.

Fact 2: Louis is temporarily living off toast and spaghetti hoops.

Fact 3: ...Louis may be semi-accidentally dating his worst enemy.

This fic’s summary seems like such a fun and funny concept, and it is! But there’s so much more to the fic than that. There is humor, but also friendship, angst, and self-discovery that all blend into a wonderful fic that leaves you smiling in the end. (Warnings: recreational drug use, internalized homophobia)

Ironed out clouds — bunlou / @buniou (on Twitter)

4.095 words / Harry x Louis

Louis creates dreams. Harry creates nightmares. The two absolutely hate each other, until a little girl needs their help.

This fic has such an amazing premise and it really takes advantage of that. The universe it’s built in is incredibly interesting!

Chain of love — Blumeetsgreen

14.518 words / Harry x Louis

Louis jumps into Harry’s car breathless and tells him to keep driving.

This is such a beautifully written, melancholic fic. The author does a great job of making us feel Harry's feelings as well as writing a wonderful characterization of Louis' caring nature. (Warnings: depressive thoughts/depression.)

if honesty means telling you the truth (I'm still in love with you) — me_her_themoon / @bfjacketmybeloved

47.159 words / Harry x Louis

Harry is currently in some bar in London, sipping on some brand of whiskey, after Niall practically forced him out of the house because “it’s time for you to get some action, you lazy wanker.”

So, he finds himself here. Trapped between the bar and the back of some unknown person who he is not interested in in the slightest. He doesn’t even think he wants a relationship after his last one, but maybe a fling if the situation calls for it.

This fic was written by a new author; they said that it is based on the album Heartbreak Weather by Niall Horan and it rings true because the reader is able to identify each song and feeling. This is a wonderful fic that will make you cry and laugh!

—-

As always, support the authors by leaving kudos and comments! Happy reading!

If you can’t get enough of our recs in this post, make sure to check out our tags page and scroll through the categories to see if you find any more fics you like! — FYMHM xx

[kaisa-ryo]

Attention deficit (pt. 1)

jujutsu kaisen

Characters: Itadori Yuji, Satoru Gojo, Megumi Fushiguro, Inumaki Toge, Sukuna Ryōmen, Nanami Kento, Suguru Geto

Warning: English isn't my native language!

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*

Itadori Yuji

Itadori in this situation acts, oddly enough, completely primitive. The less attention he sees from you, the more he tries to get him back. In other circumstances, this might even seem exaggerated, but here and now this is the most critical moment. What does he do? Yes, everything in a row: drops the book, turns its pages, rummages in the bag, humming softly to himself, and so on ... And all this continues until it comes to stroking the hips and lightly squeezing one palm, while the other rewrites the abstract ...

- I miss the old y/n. - he gives out with sadness in his eyes.

At this moment, the game of interest begins: you feel how simultaneously there is a feeling of spontaneous and purposeful manipulation, how you are gently and imperceptibly pushed towards the long-awaited goal.

In such a situation, one could easily succumb, but you, resisting this, answer:

- Yuji, I'm very busy right now.

It would seem that a strong guy fights curses, trains with the strongest shamans, but with ordinary words it is so easy to break.

It's hard for you to realize that right now he is depressed because of you. It's unusual to see a sad Yuji almost always smiling and making others do the same. Especially you.

And so you compromise, intertwining your fingers, frowning slightly and pretending to listen to something inside yourself ... After that, Yuji remains in this position for a long time, as if afraid to frighten you off, because now such closeness between you is too valuable to miss out.

Satoru Gojo

It turns out that sometimes even acting like a fool doesn't help you pay attention to Gojo. First, the way you constantly focus on the same thing, so that the words in your speech get confused, takes on a comic character, and he comes to the idea that, for no reason, for no reason, you decided that work is more important to you than himself. Then you stop paying attention to him altogether. You no longer look at him from under your brows, do not frown at the idiotic jokes with which he is trying to distract you, as it was yesterday. Satoru notices that you are much smaller. He is puzzled and even confused. Finally, it occurs to him that you just have nothing to do, and comes up with the craziest idea to entertain you.

- What are you doing? - a voice of a man sounded nearby, who had been watching you with interest for some time.

There was no answer. However, it is not surprising.

- Okay, okay, you don't have to answer... - He looked away.

This was his usual technique. After asking several meaningless questions, he suddenly fell silent, as if giving you the opportunity to think over the answer properly, and he himself imperceptibly removed, leaving you in complete confusion. But this time, due to the circumstances, the technique had to be slightly changed.

In the next moment, he was already pressing you to him and, taking advantage of this, with his other hand began to explore the curves of your body. The reaction was as if you were doused with boiling water or doused with cold water.

- What are you doing? - You asked in a trembling voice.

- Checking to see if you got fat after we lost sex. - still clinging to you, he answered. You were taken aback and began to push him away from you.

- I have not grown fat, let me go! You barked, feeling his arms tighten. - Let go! Fool! Let go!

Hands rested on your back, and he began to rock you slowly, stretching the moment when you finally stop resisting.

- It's okay, y/n. You just need to calm down. - he whispered, not hearing your words.

There is a mess in my head, the goal of your resistance has fled somewhere, and you start desperately hugging the man while he grins at the fact that he managed to do what he wanted.

Megumi Fushiguro

Megumi is not one of those who will behave like a child, attracting attention to herself when you do not even know the reason for her loss. He will speak to you as soon as he notices it.

- Do you want to talk about it?

You rub your eyes with fatigue, but you shouldn't ignore Fushiguro's question, because it concerns the two of you. No matter how serious his intentions are, he will always be there to remind you that you can talk to him about what worries you.

- I... will hardly give any good advice, but I will try to make it easier for you after the conversation. Megumi continues after a minute of your silence.

Even such a seemingly small detail as being able to talk to someone else significantly reduces stress and other not-so-good emotions. And the guy knows it.

- You can always count on my help. - already with a drop of confidence he says, and it's like the touch of a soft, pleasant hand on your shoulder. Of course, he does this primarily because he is worried, but this is only a secret cover for the fact that he is upset that you turned away from him, without noticing the real reason.

"Fushiguro, if I do this, I don't know... I... will feel like this..." The words elude you. It’s hard to even think about what you’ll say next.

The guy spreads his arms to give you room to hug and apologize, but you just put your head on his shoulder. You don't want to talk about anything else. The chest against which your head is pressed turns into a pillow. And then a quiet voice is heard:

- I'm not mad at you. You can stay here as long as you like.

But here you won't need anything as long as Fushiguro is around.

Inumaki Toge

Not surprisingly, the first thought that comes to him is "it's all because of the damned speech."

Does he talk to you too little? Maybe he is too quiet and invisible for you? Perhaps you are afraid that someday he will take control of you? From such questions echoing in my head, my jaws come together and a lump appears in my throat. But the worst thing is that Toge begins to doubt his right to meet with you, because he cannot even talk to you with dignity, as a person to a person. Even your sweet persistence, which sometimes breaks through the boundaries of ordinary attempts to turn the conversation back on track, does not help. As a result, when it comes to your attention deficit, he begins to think that all this time you did not notice him, as if he was one of those whom you forgot on the first day.

- Okaka? - the young man has been trying to attract your attention with his eyes for a long time, but it seems that even words cannot help.

- Sorry, Toge. I'm not in the mood today...

The guy was actually a perfectionist and would rather have your smile shine every day. I wish he could turn back time right now, scroll to the moment when something went wrong and fix it at any cost.

Inumaki tucked a lock of your hair behind his ear to see your face behind it. He knew you had flawless skin and plump, sensual lips. He would admire your face for hours.

The next second, the blond rested his head on your lap, looking into your eyes. You liked such cute things from him. They weren't vulgar or inappropriate. They were what she needed.

You smile faintly and stroke the hair on the back of his head, touching his cheek with your fingertips.

Sukuna Ryōmen

This is the case when Sukuna uses passive aggression. Slightly wrong, some small sign of ignorance - his speech turns into direct pressure on your relationship with him. He can really hurt you a lot if you don't appreciate his efforts to make you even a little happier. Most often they are small and insignificant, the kind that anyone would do, but for the King of Curses, this is really something grandiose. And since he has many ways to destroy your relationship, if you think he made a mistake, remember how it hurts him.

- Will you ignore me again? - Sukun asked with imperious anger, the last pieces of despair were dying in his soul. - And where is your mercy? If I have become disgusting to you, why do you continue to need me?

There was nothing to answer. It was not pride that tormented him at all, but an ever-deeper regret that with your equanimity you just caused another outbreak of rage in him. Most of all, the thought that you, perhaps, does not even notice it, and your eyes clouded with pain glide over something that is very dear to him, terrified him.

The dead silence continued, and my chest ached more and more. Then there was a soft groan:

- Y/n, I love you.

Tears ran down your cheeks, but did not brush them away with my hand. You knew it wasn't going to help. Bitter emotions generated by the word "love" are not able to be burned out on the face, like the sun on clay. You can't stop feeling. And all the same, looking at you was as painful as seeing your motionless glazed gaze.

He hugged you from the back as soon as he felt that you were repenting. Like the time you forgave him for calling you your own. He had strong hands - you can be sure. He was very gentle. You felt less pain. Maybe in the future it will be difficult for him to remember this, but now he tightly squeezed you in his arms and was so affectionate that you wanted him to never let you go.

Nanami Kento

He begins to suspect that something is wrong very early. First, morning kisses disappeared somewhere before leaving for work, then sincere conversations at the table, and then completely short meetings with glances. Moreover, the last remnants of intimacy are gone. Nanami began to think that something had happened to you. He always tried to protect you from any problems. And so you found yourself right in front of him, so closed and detached, he could not so easily take away the comfort and peace that he had been creating for so long and skillfully. And first of all, of course, he will lend you a helping hand to make it easier for you as quickly as possible.

A perplexed look will appear from under dark eyelashes after a man touches your forehead with his palm. It seems that the whole thing is not about health.

- You don't have a fever. He began.

- I know, thanks.

But Kento was clearly hinting at something.

- So what's up? - then you know what Nanami means. But she said nothing.

- Y/n, I do not want to impose anything on you, I just need to know what is happening to you so that our relationship with you does not suddenly go downhill.

The man took your hand and brought it to his lips. Nanami felt that if he said something now, he would commit tactlessness. And so he was silent, waiting for your answer.

- Sorry... - Tears began to burn my eyes. - I am very, very ashamed. I... it's just hard for me now, but it will pass by itself. I'm sure.

You pressed as tightly as possible to the man, hugged him and buried your face in the chest. He put his hand on your head encouragingly. I already didn't care about the problem as a whole. Now for you there was only what you felt - his soft stroking, the smell of a strong male body, warmth and care, and there was nothing but that.

Suguru Geto

He will take it calmly, without intention. But she won't ignore it. Often he will offer tea or something else, just to get at least one word out of you, in an attempt to bring you into conversation. He will not touch you without asking, because he knows about the value of personal space. And yet, for a while, it can fiddle with spontaneous statements in order to simply take away the soul and break a long silence.

- I see your day is going well... - Geto smiles with restraint. - Lots of news for me?

Guessing that he is once again trying to create a dialogue between you was almost nothing. But you are, of course, silent.

- I see. - Suguru sits down next to you, as close to your side as possible, not giving a damn if you don't like it.

- Maybe I offended you in some way? - he continues. - Or are you just not too open in your thoughts?

- Nothing. It's okay. - you throw.

- But it seems to me that no. - he takes your hand in his, as if trying to make you smile. “I think you have something to tell me, don’t you? He raises his eyebrows, expecting your reaction. Instead of answering, you grimace with a shrug. Suguru repeats the question:

- So what happened? Why don't you want to share your thoughts with me?

- What would you like? You ask. - Would you be happy to know that there is a perfect girl with great manners, beautiful and intelligent, whom you deserve?

To be honest, Suguru did not expect such an answer. You can see that he is a little dumbfounded, but quickly comes to his senses. And then he starts laughing - so sweet and sincere that you start to feel embarrassed and blush with shame.

- And I was already expecting something more terrible. He laughs. - Okay, be it your way. I'm not a particularly sentimental person. I do not know what to say.

- Tell me you feel terribly in love. - grabbing his wrist, you say.

The brunette makes a startled face again. But you do not retreat - you hold him for a few more seconds, forcing him to surrender. - Only from the bottom of my heart ...

- Y/n, I feel terribly in love with you and will never fall in love again next time. So? He asked, grinning.

Wiping away the tears of happiness, you hugged him without words, while he, hugging you with one hand, exhaled with relief.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*

[heartbreakgrill]

Love Song; Corbyn Besson

description: yeah just some good ol’ friends to lovers 😋

Your face clenched up as the nurse swabbed your nose. The urge to sneeze came over when she tugged it out, and you quickly pulled up your mask. After a round of watery eyes and the oddest facial expression, the sneeze subsided.

“Thank you,” you told her, a laugh dancing at the edge of you tone.

Her eyes crinkled, showing the smile beneath her mask. “You’re welcome. It’ll just be a minute.”

You stood from the chair, plopping down beside Zach on the couch. He was playing on his phone, but looked up when he noticed your presence.

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” He watched your hand rub at your nose over the mask.

“Uh, yeah,” you chuckled.

Zach went back to his phone and you unlocked your own, crossing a leg over the other. Soon, his name was called and he snapped off his mask. Negative.

Daniel replaced Zach in the seat beside you. You bid him hello and he said, “Hey. How are you today?”

“Was doing fine before I had to have a stick in my nose,” you giggled.

Daniel laughed as well. “Yeah, but whatever we have to do to get to celebrate.”

“New normal,” you nodded.

“Y/N!” The other nurse called out from her clipboard.

You flashed your eyebrows at Daniel and stood from the couch. Slipping your phone into your butt pocket, you walked over to the table.

“You are negative, my dear. We’re having everyone who has already been tested to stay in the kitchen.”

You took the packet of your information from the nurse, thanked them again, and joined Zach, Corbyn, and Christian in the kitchen. You slipped the pink mask in your jean jacket pocket as you took the empty bar stool next to Christian.

“Hey, guys,” you greeted.

Corbyn perked up at the sound of your voice, peaking up from his phone. He was directly across from you, leaning his chin against the ball of his palm. You glanced around at the boys, meeting his eyes over the top of his phone.

“Hey, Y/N, when did you get here?” Christian spoke, drawing your eyes away from Corbyn.

You cleared your throat and folded your hands in your lap. They were clammy now, budding heat throughout your face. His eyes.

“Like ten minutes ago. I said I was here in the group chat,” you reminded Christian.

He shrugged, “I don’t really pay attention.”

“Rip,” you laughed.

Zach and Christian went back to their conversation about the album, the only valid topic of interest for the night ahead.

You glanced back over at Corbyn, who had shifted so he could pretend like he hadn’t blushed at your presence. You sat there for a moment, contemplating saying anything at all. Ultimately you settled on tugging out your phone again.

You leaned on the counter, scrolling through people’s Instagram stories. You swiped past Why Don’t We’s shared page and fell on Corbyn’s. It was a selfie, one he took mere moments before you sat down. You flushed red, eyes gently lifting to take in how he looked right now.

His eyes.

You forced an awkward smile at the awkward eye contact, feeling...awkward.

You looked back down at your phone. It seems everyone of the boy’s friends and family members had posted about the album. Except you. You felt slightly guilty, voicing your concerns to the boys before you. Jonah and Daniel had since joined you guys in the kitchen, talking with Christian and Zach.

“No worries, Y/N. I mean, you’re here,” Jonah shrugged it off.

Zach added, “Yeah, but if you wanna post something go ahead.

“Why don’t we just take a selfie or something?” Daniel suggested, tipping his water bottle towards the phone in your hand.

“Oh, yeah. That’s good. I know it doesn’t matter, but I really want you guys to get number 1 on the charts,” you grinned sheepishly.

Jack appeared beside you, slinging on arm around your shoulder. You noticed Corbyn shift again, gulping and eyeing Jack’s arm.

“Oh, we will, Y/N, we will,” he winked at you.

You laughed loudly at his expression. “I believe in you, Jack Avery.”

He squeezed your shoulder. Everybody moved to stand around you, Corbyn ending up too far away. You tried to see where it was he was standing, just because you felt comfortable being able to see him, seeing you. But you couldn’t.

You were attempting to hold the phone out far enough to get everyone in frame, but your arm wasn’t long enough. Everybody laughed at your struggle. Jonah took the phone from you and angled it at the group. He snapped the photo and everyone dispersed.

Jonah ended up in the seat across from you, Zach next to him where he had been. Daniel, Jack, and Christian decided to start pouring drinks, since it was nearing 11 pm. Corbyn stood there for a minute, contemplating running off the edge of the world.

He settled in the seat beside you which drew your attention from your phone. You had been captioning the Instagram post, struggling to come up with something interesting.

“Hey, Corbyn,” you weakly smiled.

He smiled. “Hey.” His voice made your knees weak.

You flashed the screen at him, pushing down the red blush willing itself to paint your face. “What do you think I should caption it?”

“I don’t know,” he let out a breathy laugh, “uh, maybe a joke. Like, track 4 was written about me.”

You shared a laugh with him, happy nothing felt stuffed of weird energy for even a mere few minutes of conversation.

“That would be really funny, but probably cause some drama. How about, like, ‘dibs on Love Song?’ Because I genuinely feel like that ones gonna be so good.”

Corbyn gulped, “I wrote that one with Daniel.”

“Oh,” you breathed. “Then, I call it.”

Red cheeks all around.

You quickly posted it. Soon, the room was engulfed with music, the 3 singles the boys had released filling the air. There was a single camera on the band, standing around the kitchen island you had once been sitting at.

You stood to the side with Anna and Kay, a glass of champagne in your hand. You had since abandoned your Jean jacket, revealing the flowery, thin strapped corset that left your midrif out in the open. You felt really hot, be it because of the outfit, your sparse interactions with Corbyn, or the alcohol beginning to take hold of your bones.

See, there was something there with Corbyn, something nobody really even knew about. In fact, you didn’t even know if Corbyn himself remembered.

You had been good friends with the entire band since they moved to LA, attending concerts when you weren’t in school and hanging out constantly. Of course, as any pathetic pining story went, you’d been in love with Corbyn since you’d met him, but his heart had always belonged to Christina.

When you discovered they broke up, you felt elated for half a second. Then, he called you in tears.

“I know we’re not expectionally close, but I need somebody. The guys, they just don’t understand.l

Since that moment, you guys had been attached at the hip. Quarantine had been boring at first, terrifying, even. But, then you’d begun to spend every waking moment with Corbyn. You were the one who suggested he dye his hair black, had helped him do it. you’d gone with him when the tattoo shops opened again and helped him pick which one looked best. You’d helped them move into their new house, helped Corbyn decorate his new space. Hell, you’d even suggested a song lyric or two when laying on Corbyn’s bed, listening to him across the room on his guitar.

And then, on your birthday a few months ago, you had gotten exceptionally drunk to drown the sorrows of lusting after your best friend. When the clock struck midnight, Corbyn had already hauled down a taxi from the bar, slung your arm around his neck, cradling your waist as he tried to get you inside.

Out of nowhere, the sky began pouring buckets of rain. You fell against his chest, laughing hysterically at the ironically cliche moment. Corbyn somehow nuzzled his nose into your neck, giggling along with your drunken haze.

You pulled back gently, the closeness emitting a fierce confidence in your gut which enabled you to lean up and kiss him. He kissed you back, but when he remembered how drunk you were, he tugged away.

“I can’t do this,” he urged, but you mistook his respect for consent as rejection.

You mumbled, “But I’m in love with you.”

You didn’t remember for a few days after, what had happened that night. All you knew was you had woken up in Corbyn’s bed, his clothes on you, a headache in your head, and your dress soaking wet over the bathtub.

Then, a few days later, when you were perched on Corbyn’s bed, watching an episode of Big Mouth, he made a joke about how, “in love you are with,” him. Your eyes widened, breath hitched, and a memory pulled itself from your brain. You suddenly stood up, his arm dropping to the comforter since it had been around your shoulders.

You made some excuse about homework, though you both knew you had finished your finals the night prior. Since then, neither of you had really spoken at all.

You clenched the champagne glass between your fingers, turning them white from frustration. You felt a hand on your shoulder, turning towards Anna.

“Everything okay?” She glanced between your eyes, noticing the tears welled up there.

You sniffled and blinked the tears away. One dribbled down your cheek. You quickly wiped it away. Anna’s bottom lip jutted out in a pitiful expression and she pulled you into a hug. You wanted to collapse into her, sobbing your way through the album’s release. But, you squeezed your face shut and grabbed the composure that was running away from you.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” you tugged back and set your glass on the table beside you. You quickly strode to the bathroom, shutting it behind you.

You wiped under your eyes with a wet cloth, salvaging your eye makeup. Your eyes were still red, though, red and pupils blown up in a sad countenance.

There was a knock on the door and you tensed up. Daniel’s voice came from the other side of the door, soft and sweet.

“Y/N? Can I come in?”

You already knew he had seen you crying on Anna, and probably watched you storm away as quietly as one could when they were this upset. You were taking him away from his night and that made you feel just horrible.

“Yeah,” your voice was weak.

Daniel gently opened the door. He didn’t try to hug you or tell it was going to be okay. Instead, he cradled your face in his head, pushing the hair back from your cheeks.

“I know. You don’t have to explain or try to push me away. I just know. All I can give is the fact that we wrote these songs about our lives. These songs are personal.”

You met his eyes, swimming in the undemanding answers he was laying in front of you. “What do you mean?”

He gave a warm smile, “Corbyn got really good at songwriting. Just listen.”

You hugged Daniel quickly before shutting off the light. He slung his arm around your shoulders, guiding you back to the kitchen. Everyone counted down for midnight and soon enough, the new songs were blasting through the kitchen.

You anticipated Love Song through the entirety of Be Myself, barely paying any attention to the song that you knew Daniel wrote exclusively by himself. Soon, Daniel’s voice was dancing through the speakers in an upbeat rhythm, singing the literal love song.

Right after, Corbyn’s voice came again.

“You came out of nowhere like a hurricane.”

You perked up, holding yourself together with your arms. Daniel caught your eyes and nodded firmly. Your eyes flickered across the room and met Corbyn‘s. He’d been watching you for a while, you settled. Though his band mates and friends were dancing around the kitchen, he was solemnly drinking his own champagne. His hair was damp from the bottle Jonah had cracked open at midnight.

“Pulled me in and kissed me in the rain. And I fell for you.”

Your breath caught in your throat. You found his eyes again, your face bright red. An overwhelming grin came over you. Corbyn smiled in response, a dry chuckle shaking his shoulders. He shook his head, finally relieved.

You set down your glass again, tapping Anna on the shoulder. “I’ll be back, k?”

She squeezed your shoulder again, still feeling sympathetic. You looked to Corbyn and nodded towards the back door.

You slipped outside, taking a seat on one of the pool chairs. It was dark outside, only the light from the kitchen washing through the glass sliding doors.

You heard the doors open and close again, looking up from your shoes. You stood up, breathing in deeply. Corbyn stopped in front of you, fingers squeezing each other.

You nervously smiled up at him. “So...” you ached, “so, um, I guess I really did call track 4.”

Corbyn laughed, his hands coming around to your back. He pushed you into his chest, yours going up around his neck.

“Yeah,” his face drew back, “and it was about you.”

You grinned, pursing your lips to try and push it down. But, you were tired of pushing it all down, so you let your lips widen before landing themselves on Corbyn’s.

“You could be the one, girl you’re driving me crazy.”