#you shouldve gotten to kill one person at least

[alliebirb]

she with the dragon blood

[caffeiiine]

OK HI SODA HI HI HI I HAD IDEAS FOR THE V3 REWRITE THAT I WANT TO SHARE (IDK IF U WANTED TO SEE THE GENIUS IDEA FOR THE REWRITE WITH THE OC BUT ILL SEND THIS AND THEN IF U WANNA SEE JUS TELL ME) ANYWAY !!!

ok i dont acgtually have too much but!! but but but i do have some ideas right

as of rn ive got two survivors (korekiyo, kokichi), a potential mastermind (miu?), chapter 3's first victim (kirumi), chapter 3's second blackened (korekiyo), and chapter 5's victim (rantaro). idk if this is good or not biut like !!!! ebehebh !!!!

miu being the mastermind is something i had for my own rewrite like with my oc but also i really like the idea, we could also have her do something with kiibo at some point like install a virus on him or wtvr that would make him kill someone? because she operates on him in the game anyway so having her do so and then have that fall into place later but like not give him time to say somethingabout it is really fun to me

kirumi i dont really have a reason for her being the first victim other than im a sucker for kirukiyo and i think he'd be pretty distressed that she died (im being very self indulgent here but we can change this if u want to, idk ur opinions on kirukiyo so !!! its up to u), we could also do something where the murders happened at almost the exact same time so he could have saved her if he had just been somewhere instead of trying to kill someone for his sister to have another "friend" in the afterlife

kokichi i want to live because i love him. end of explanation

rantaro i wanted to die at some point but not at the start, in part bc i love him but also because i think itd be really interesting if he was killed in ch 5 instead of kokichi because he has a lot of importance too, right? so i think a killing with him could be just as good, he could have helped the killer because he wanted them to try to find out the mastermind during his trial or something idk. still in speculation but i think it would be cool

as for like, protagonists and stuff, i have zero idea, but !!!!!! i think it would be super mega awesome to have both kaede and shuichi survive but also that is like not possible because kaede's death made shuichi actually be able to be good and smart at things and not feel bad IDK WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT AT SOME POINT BUT HERES MY IDEAS SORRY THIS IS A LOT OF PARAGRAPHS

starting out i’m gonna be all over the place with this <33

first off: THE KIRUKIYO ISEA IS SO COOL THO honestly i never thought of that ship, and im not a huge shipper myself outside of bsd so im super neutral about most ships <33 so yeah!!!! we can ahve kirukiyo!!!! i like that!!!! :3 <- since you asked about my opinion on it

ALSO ARE YOU IN MY HEAD OR SOMETHING. MIU MASTERMIND!!! MIU MASTERMIND!!! or if not a mastermind, then in the very least a killer. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve ranted to my rl friends about how miu should’ve gotten to kill somebody. like ik in canon she was supposed to be the killer for 4 but that got swapped last minute but SHE SHOULDVE BEEN ALLOWED TO KILL SOMEBDIY and yes yes yes yes yes she should do something with kiibo that’d be very fun

YOURE SO CORRDCT ON RANTARO BTW his character generally suffers from the fact he was killed off way at the beginning, and ugshdh he could have done. so much. if he was left alive a little longer. i’ve said this before but that’s a common issue just in general with the type of game danganronpa is especially with the writers not adjusting the arcs for their allotted time which causes me PAIN. yeah leave him alive for longer for sure. and oooo i like rantaro, i think he could go either way being a killer or victim. especially if at the end of it all no matter how it goes down, hes wrong. whether he kills the wrong person, or if he’s caught in the middle of a planned murder and happens to be collateral damage/the mistaken victim while he’s trying to go after the mastermind and either way their only lead to the mastermind is now just gone

one of the things i do really like about v3 despite all my criticisms against it, is the fake-out protagonist. i’m not saying we have kaede die again or shuichi goes in her place, but i think it’d be cool to include something like that with one of the cast members? maybe kaito? idk im throwing things at the wall rn but basically im trying to figure out a way to have a character haunt the narrative like kaede did

yeah i ahev no clue about protags either yet, we can always just figure that out down the line sometime🎉🎉🎉

also side note but i propose to throw out the real fiction plotline or whatever it was called that v3 went down in the game, thoughts?

also also second unrelated side note: do we have to keep the 3 survivors? not like the literal characters, just the number. like obviously we wont have everyone survive, but idk let’s not confine ourselves to a number yet

for my input regarding cases: in no particular order/killer - ryoma -> victim/survivor ; himiko -> killer/victim [i think it’d be cool to have her as a killer but i’m not sure how she’d even go about it or even why] ; tenko -> victim ; tsumugi -> killer [i think her execution would be super interesting] aaaand i ahve yet to think about the rest

inout regarding survivors: idk i really want angie to survive and i am shooting you with shinounaga found family propaganda

anyways!!! give your opinion!!! sorry this took me forever to type!!!!!

[aoki553]

i like makoto too but its... interesting, to say the least, that you feel the need to explain away and justify his actions and treatment of his sister instead of just... discussing them or explaining how you think he is mentally and/or how he can make up for his actions... regardless of his theoretical mental illness and trauma, hes STILL responsible for his own actions, and his sister never deserved to be treated that way.

long post ahead sorry about it

eh i'm trying my best to not justify him. i've just been so attached to the character and he means a lot to me so him being disregarded as a creepy siscon just bothers me yk? and i made my own posts and analysis of his mental illness i suspected... i just try to not correct or confront people about it whenver they do talk about him. that scares me lol

the thing is... he can't make up for his actions? he's a comedic relief siscon character that doesn't get any depth nor character development throughout the series. what could he possibly do to redeem himself without us having to write fanfiction about it? yes, i like to imagine him being a better brother, getting help for his disorder and issues. but that's just my interpretation of a flawed and underwritten character. and a lot of it is influenced by makokuu. but canon doesn't help much here.

he's not great, but he would've had more redeeming qualities if he wasn't a one joke character. i can't really do much about it but make up my own scenarios and stories on how he could be a good brother while acknowledging he's not a great person.

kokomi doesn't deserve to be stalked and makoto being so jealous and protective of her in his disturbed ways. i agree. but some people make him out to be some sort of sexual abuser in this scenario, which he isnt. we see domestic teruhashi siblings only what 3 times? maybe 2 more if we count them going to the movies together and on christmas... id love to see more scenarios of them just being siblings. but no. most of the scenes with him were written to be an exaggerated siscon trope. to be funny...

yes he is responsible for his actions, but he does need help. the help everyone is aware he shouldve gotten long ago before his obsession morphed his perception of whats acceptable for him to do to someone he loves and cares about. but what can we do about it when we never get to see him get better?

but at the same time i simply cannot think of him as the fanon "GUYS HE WANTS TO DO DIRTY STUFF TO HER KILL THAT PERVERT" anymore. despite his nonexisting depth, im doing my best to explore his character as much as i can.

😔 yeah, i apologize for rambling or getting defensive whenever someone gives an opinion on that one boy i have an unhealthy attachment to.

i'm likely this way due to being harassed before back when i had to pretend like i only like a purified version of makoto to not have my safety threatened. i take this stuff too personally sometimes and feel genuinely threatened, apologies. a doxxing attempt over an anime boy and opinions can fuck someone up for years yk? :(

i do love this character dearly and i know i'm getting enough weird looks in the fandom for it, its even worse when my autistic ass can't explain themselves properly, my bad..

hope this long rambling session cleared some stuff up, heres a wholesome terusibs moment <3

[shartingan]

Sasuke for the ask gameeee

(for this ask game) oh god.. the guy of all time..

favorite thing about them

HOW CAN I PICK ONE THINGGGG ughhhhh... i love his sense of justice.. he’s willing to go to the ends of the earth to seek his own version of justice and will let Nothing stop him. you have to love and respect that commitment.

least favorite thing about them

nothing next question. jk i don’t love when he killed danzo through karin but like idk he was going thru a lot and kishi needed to make him do atrocious shit so we didnt sympathize w him and yadda yadda . just not fun for a character who previously refused to kill extraneously...

favorite line

BEGONE WITH THE THUNDER CLAP!! or I see you dead. he has so many fun one liners especially in that fight

brOTP

i really do think that sai and sasuke couldve gotten along if they had the opportunity, and same with neji and sasuke. but as for canon brotp only, im so partial to taka. gay friend groups going to lunch look like this

OTP

ERMMMM yeah lol .. hehe

nOTP

sasusaku...sasukarin... tbh most sasuke ships. not out of any hatred but i see him as such an intense and focused person that it’d be like, nigh impossible for anyone to get close enough to him to enter a romantic relationship. it’s ok w naruto tho bcos theyre like obsessed with each other.

random headcanon

GET HIM GLASSES. PUT SOME GLASSES ON THAT BEAST!

unpopular opinion

tbh love him love his revolution but imo he went about it all wrong. like i looove killing the kages that’d be so good but then uniting the shinobi world under him as the 1 ruler? he shouldve gone for an actual wide-scale revolution based on the strength of clans marginalized and oppressed by the villages. what i mean is like he shouldve gone to oto and ame and all the littler villages and united them and then he and neji should’ve linked up and gotten the branch clan behind the revolution and staged a coup, and then he should’ve focused on getting civilians who keep getting dragged into shinobi conflicts and losing everything in their wars, and restructuring the current world system away from war-as-profit to focusing on civilians and producing goods. he shouldve executed all daimyos and kages too, tho LOL. i know he came up with the revolution idea on the spot pretty much so i cant blame him for it not being a long-term or well thought out plan but like this is what the revolution shouldve been focused on imo instead of the biju and sasuke as hokage..

song i associate with them

a horse named cold air by mitski.... (ʚ̴̶̷́ .̠ ʚ̴̶̷̥̀ )

favorite picture of them

[saetoru]

I read a post on twitter that said Takemichi is the most selfish person ever in tokrev universe. That he got the perfect ending where everybody was alive and still friends/in contact but he had to go back to the past anyway just to save one and, in doing so, got most of his friends killed. And I honestly agree with it a lot. Like he should definitely just have gotten married and went about his life. I honestly believe the manga is just going downhill so fast and it really all started when they killed Draken (or even Emma). It sucks they ruined such an amazing manga just for some shock factor. I was wondering what your thoughts were on this…

i have this one opinion. and im always scared to share this opinion bc people always get mad, and i mean everyone hates me anyway so idc but i also hate not getting the last word LMAO so i know id argue back and i dont have rly have the energy to argue over an opinion on such a subjective manga, but im gonna share this opinion anyway.

i think takemichi is at least just a little bit selfish. his determination and charisma and the way he cares and takes everyones burdens as his own are all hero qualities, yes, but at the end of the day, he's messing with the past in order to save his love. and that ending with mikey being away was likely the happiest ending they could get, i agree. thats unless mikey got the help he needs, but that doesnt seem to be happening any time soon.

but mostly, my opinion is that you shouldnt mess with time at all. i think takemichi should have never thought to mess with the past to change the present because in basically every time travel movie / book ive seen, read, or heard of, the lesson is that you cant change the past bc if you try, either the same thing will always happen, or someone else will suffer in the process of you trying to change your life. which i think is what takemichi shouldve realized. in the end, someone else likely wouldve died—and they did, or hina would just always end up dead, so why mess with timelines ??

you cant ever know which event likely caused something in the future bc you cant predict and account for all the possibilities, which we've seen over and over in tr. every time takemichi thinks he's figured out what the cause of mikey and toman turning bad was, there's something new he has to change, and it's just so risky, and he's putting other lives on the line whether he means to or not.

but i definitely agree that the timeline where mikey was away was the best one, as much as it saddens me to say, bc in that timeline, all his friends are happy and thriving. i just simply think that there's not likely a way every single person can be saved, so you have to pick the one that's best for everyone, which was probably that one.

[oatchi]

im sure someone else is going to say sentinel and ive already worn out the send you rewrite for an ask game joke so. prowl :]

you are only the second person to send me an ask actually. comedically. being the sentinel guy has many downfalls (everyone assumes someone said sentinel already /JOKE) i can do tfa prowl yes :-)

favorite thing about them well hes simply the best prowl because he absolutely isnt prowl at all. like not even close. that is just a man who happens to share the same name with prowl. im (mostly) kidding i havent really consumed a lot of tfmedia especially not any with prowl prevalent so i dont know if theres any other really good prowls and i just havent encountered them yet or whatever but i really do like his character so much. we love to see an autistic robot. i think his growth over the show is very interesting and like... hes such a handsome little man (spoken the way you would about like a tuxedo cat) his design is so interesting and again its so funny because girl that is NOT prowl! not even CLOSE!

least favorite thing about them theres not a lot i dislike about tfa prowl, but i will say the end of the show........ the season 4 scripts literally imply that scrapper mixmaster and dirtboss and wreck gar are still out there.......... they were willing to perma kill starscream on screen. for just a single tfa constructicon life we could save prowl. i guess its more of a story critique, without season 4 to have the whole ghost prowl plot happen, his death sort of feels.. out of nowhere...? he was training, he became literally so comically powerful, i guess the only thing stopping him from being the answer to all problems would be to kill him. but like... without season 4 it just feels so abrupt. still makes me cry a little though god bless (salute)

favorite line anytime tfa prowl says "fascinating..." is so everything to me. he is entranced by the beauty of organic life. but i do have to love the quip he does to bumblebee in the season 1 finale where he says that they need to use bumblebees strongest power, and after bee himself lists a few things, he cuts in and goes "Your obnoxious personality." i love that so much

brOTP i dont have a specific relationship i like the most with prowl, but i do think him and jazz shouldve gotten more screentime together. they shouldve been better friends :(

OTP did you know prowl is at the very least like a million years old? because he was drafted for the war? as in, the great war? as in, prowl is closer to ratchet aged than anyone else? this is not ending the way you think i still think bulkprowlbee is everything but prowl never clarifies hes the second oldest at all because theyre all adults so he just assumes they know however hes got like godly cybertronian genes and all that ninja training that make him look so young so one day bumblebee very boldly says something about "old bots" in reference to optimus (note: in my mind, bumblebee is like cybertronian mid 20s and optimus is cybertronian mid 30s) and prowl looks at him so baffled and goes ".... you do know im older than him, right?" and bumblebee goes "...huh" and prowl goes "bumblebee, i was drafted for the great war. im closer to ratchet in terms of age than anything." and bumblebee completely shuts down and its not for the reason you think at all its 100% because he didnt know his boyfriend was a silver fox otherwise he wouldve made like 1000 more jokes about it. everyone else is also so baffled by this revelation. i want to talk about this more in my headcanon section

nOTP im not as opposed to it as some people are, but i do still think prowl/lockdown is a little strange. i think you have to make prowl like 100% not an autobot for that which i will admit is funny as fuck but it just genuinely makes no sense to imagine them shipped in a normal tfa timeline aligned situation. also not a notp per se but sometimes i see people ship prowl and lugnut and that baffles me endlessly. you do you but also thats the funniest thing i have ever imagined. how did you get to that conclusion at all

random headcanon autobots and their reactions to learning prowl was draft dodger in the great war (mostly the age part) optimus: dead silence and the most horrified expression you could imagine. he assumed prowl was his age, maybe a little older or younger, give or take. he needs a bit to sit down knowing he is commanding over two people who are literally like 100x his age. once hes over it he asks about the war because of course he does bumblebee: see otp answer bulkhead: so so so very shocked and he needs to process it so bad but he clarifies so fast and so panicked that it changes nothing and that theyre all still friends (or boyfriends if you believe in bulkprowlbee). the moment he gets over it despite what he said he starts worrying about his health like hes an old old man and prowl is like "bulkhead i appreciate it im pretty sure im in better physical shape than all of you perhaps even combined" ratchet: literally does not believe him. literally refuses to believe this. he is so shocked and in denial. and when prowl provides proof that its true, ratchet goes dead silent in horror for like 20 seconds with this absolutely incredulous look on his face, followed instantly by more rage, going "WAIT just a allspark-damned minute, youre a DRAFT DODGER?!" and now that conversation is happening. bonus jazz and sentinel because i feel like it jazz: is older than him, and its not a shock. hed recognize yoketrons teachings anywhere sentinel: DID NOT KNOW JAZZ WAS THAT OLD. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE HAT OLD. JAZZ. JAZZ COME BACK! OPTIMUS! OPTIMUS (FRANTICALLY SHAKING HIM BY THE SHOULDERS) WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT LITTLE FREAK ON YOUR TEAM IS GREAT WAR AGE AND SO IS JAZZ? (10 SECOND PAUSE IN TIME) (OPTIMUS SHRUGS AND MAKES THAT "IDK" SOUND) DONT SHRUG AT ME I NEED ANSWERS

unpopular opinion uhhhh. hm. i dont know actually. i dont have a lot of crazy opinions on prowl. is the whole "prowl acts so smart but is so stupid" thing unpopular? can i say i think prowl is academically smart but he would probably wouldnt hesitate to jump off a cliff if prompted? but only because he thinks its a good idea/he thinks he can do it. i think prowl would do anything against orders if he thought he could

song i associate with them i have never thought about prowl while listening to a song in my life so im just going to go to my best friend the family jewels, album by marina who previously had some diamonds, and hold up Are You Satisfied? i think it fit him. a lot actually.

favorite picture of them this image i found on google at like 3 am once that was a wattpad fanfic cover i think. it makes me cry. its the funniest shit i have ever seen.

[char-lotteral]

I agree with Kishimoto never trying to use the girls. The hate they get is not fair. I used to defend Sakura back in the days because I hoped kishi would do her justice. When shippuden started I WAS SO HAPPY because I thought this was the start of something great for Sakura and the girls but NOOOOO. Every time, Sasuke showed kishi turned her brainless. If you compare Naruto's actions and Sakura's actions to sasuke, you'd see they're completely different. What's up with that weird fake love confession scene 😭? It makes her look like she was manipulating Naru. JEEZ.

Also he literally had badass Tenten and Temari with cool useful abilities and he didn't use them ?! TF ?! Thank god for modern authors who treat their characters with respect :)

okay2 you know how i am with these longass rants so click readmore and brace yourselves

The way I see it, Sakura's character development in shippuden was always one step forward, two steps back. She gets this really badass scene (like her fight with Sasori and those cool ass medical skills) but is then regressed back into a pining girl in love every time Sauce is on screen or Kishi just throws her in the background YET AGAIN.

I love Sakura's abilities actually. Her brute strength, intelligence, vast knowledge and skill as a medic nin. But what I dislike about her character is how kishi handled her feelings for Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura's obsession with Sasuke was so???? huh??? it was so damn toxic and i never once understood why both Nardo and Sak were so obsessed with him. They were a team for one year???? I mean its great that they care about him alot but Sauce's feelings were kinda valid. His freakin clan died. Id go batshit crazy against my own village too. BUT BESIDES THAT. Both Nart and Sakura's Sasuke obsession was so annoying. 80% of shippuden was literally Keeping up with the Uchihas or Naruto yelling SASUKEH. BUT what irks me so much is the fandom's double standards with both Naruto and Sakura. "Oh Sakura shouldve gotten over her Sasuke obsession" but then turn around and call Naruto's obsession cute and gush about how he's so in love with him!!

Hot take but the only reason why sasunaru is "the most developed ship with the most chemistry" is because theyre both male characters.

I guarantee you if Naruto was a girl and SHE would be the one to have this unhealthy obsession who was chasing around Sasuke, the fandom would shit on Naruto just as much. And if Sasuke were a girl, Sauce would be sidelined like the rest of the female cast and Naruto would have another male character to have a "brotherly bond" with, because thats the only bond Kishimoto is actually good at developing. Yey for male characters having all the screentime and cool assets <333

And about that confession scene, I get her intentions. I really do. I understand that she did that in order to bring him home and that she cares about him but honey, w-why?? Why lie to him about your feelings?? Supposed he DID believe her, then what? then what kishi???? huh??? Some of her fans point the blame on Sai or whatever but I personally dont see why that scene was at all necessary. Maybe to establish Naruto's feelings for her wasnt all that serious? or his maturity? idk man. That scene was such a clusterfuck.

In the end her development in The Last and in Boruto was immaculate. She had one of the best glow ups in the old gen and ironically enough, her character wasn't butchered in Boruto. She got badass scenes she was cheated from in shippuden. I also love how she's finally getting the spotlight she deserves. Unlike the other konoha 12 :,)))

Okay onto the next female character that Kishi completely wasted. My baby. My light. 🙈 AAAHHH HINATAA.

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN OKAY2 DEEP BREATHS.

Let me just establish this real quick. Hinata's goal was to get stronger because of Naruto, her goal was never to be with Naruto. She wanted to become someone who is worthy enough to stand beside him, someone whom he can consider as an equal, as a partner. She NEVER once said "marrying Naruto-kun is my all time goal UwU" (if youre one of those weirdos who interpret her character that way, youre immediately invalid, go take a hike)

I personally dont have anything against their crushes but to the point of making their personalities revolve around these guys every time theyre onscreen is so fucking frustrating. And with the way he writes their dialogues is so.damn.cringey. Like that one scene in the war arc with Tsunade and Madara

"I mAy bE a WomAn but I aM nOt WeAAKKKK"

BAAHAHAAHHA WHAT?? Everyone else gets coolass monologues and one liners but thats the best you can come up with Kishi?????? Hilarious.

If im being honest. Hinata's character is actually kinda well written. Not well executed. Dear God no. But with the way he set her story, her personality, her chracterization. She's honestly one of the best written female characters on the show. IMO. By Kishi's standards of writing women ofc. She's hands down one of the most complex characters. Her shy personality wasnt out of the blue, it wasnt a cutesy waifu trait. Her abusive upbringing made her that way. Her trauma turned her that way. So yeah, sue her if she looked up to Naruto as an inspiration when everyone else in her family treated her like dust. Shit on her for having Naruto's love light in her dark when her own damn father wouldnt even look her in the eye and her entire clan shunned her because she was "weak." She doesnt owe her family shit so idgaf what they do with the Hyuga clan. Neji and Hanabi aren't included btw

Im not gonna deny that her role in the show was only as the love interest but tbh for a love interest, Im glad her character wasnt so one dimensional. It just pains me SO MUCHHH how fucking wasted she is. Every time she's with Naruto, they always make her into a damsel in distress. They always feel the need to turn Naruto into the heroic prince. How cute.

LIKE THAT ONE SCENE IN THE LAST WHERE SHE'S THROWN IN THE CAGE?? WHY??? LET NARUTO AND HINA FIGHT THAT FREAKING ALIEN GOD TOGETHER. QUIT WITH THE TOXIC MASCULINITY. WE GET IT. NARUTO'S STRONG. GOOD FOR HIM. NOW LETS SEE HINATA THROW HANDS AND PUT NARUTO IN THE CAGE GODAMMIT

Hnggggg dont get me started with her role in Boruto. She's as relevant as a damn houseplant in the manga. They made her into an invisible trophy wife and "the mc's mother" and we all KNOW what happens to the shounen mc's mother once mc is in need of character development :) Quit putting her in the background. Give us that scene where she won against Hanabi DESPITE being retired for years. Give us that scene where she trains Boruto. GIVE US ANY FIGHT SCENE OF HER WHERE HER POTENTIAL ISNT WASTED WTF?¿

Now if you say that Hinata didnt have development. YOURE INVALID. She came from an abusive household, the shyest girl in her class, her insecurities got in the way of her own confidence, had difficulty of standing up for herself now became a loving mother of two, has the guts to kick her husband out of the house(with whom she couldnt even keep eye contact with when she was a kid) became the strongest hyuga, most supportive wife and mother, and has given her kids the comforting childhood she never had as a kid.

She has one of the most beautiful stories in the show and if you think her personality is only Naruto-kun and big boobs, then im sorry that you cant appreciate such a heartwarming story.

And I agree, killing her would honestly make me feel more at ease than continue to see her suffer because of godawful misogynistic writers. But at least let her die in an epic fight. Please. PLEASEE. She got nerfed so bad, i feel a physical pain every time i think about it

Okay what else. I think Ino got pretty good development. Another wasted potential in shippuden but she's doing good for herself in Boruto. I dont know what Temari is up to. They basically made her into another classic angry mom who beats up her husband for comedy trope. Haha very funny and original! Im not sure with her career, im not that invested in the anime.

Tenten??

oh G O D Tenten. The dirtiest of all. Her jokes about her screentime is so mean and i hate that its true ahsjhs. She was the only female character in OG who's goal wanted to be as strong as Tsunade but what did Kishi do to her?? Sidelined. Forgotten. Irrelevant. Like every damn female on the show :D

Konan shouldnt have died. I blame plot armor. I know in my heart that Konan wouldve kicked Obito's ass if it weren't for Kishi's boomer mindset.

Tsunade had so much hype when she was introduced but died down in the war arc. Madara wiped the floor with the kages. Holy shit. Not only that, but yipee! Naruto is there to save the day AGAIN!!!!

AND UGHHHH If the female characters were given proper treatment then maybe MAYBE all the endgame couples wouldve made fucking sense????¿¿¿

I think that ends my rant. Im not sure how the female characters in Boruto are handled. Except maybe Sarada (she's pretty well executed in the manga imo). But arguably they are sooo much better handled in Boruto than how the old gen girls were. And thats because Kishi isnt anywhere near the new gen female cast. I cant formulate a solid opinion with the other new gen female cast since im not entirely invested in the anime. Not ashamed to admit that I only watch it for the sunshine moments and for Hinata :DD

[floorbe]

if you like hot takes pls give us your tenko and kaede opinions, wise one...we crave it😩

i will gladly give but im rly tired rn so this is half braincell thoughts

Editing this bc I didn’t like how I was phrasing it and anon made me realize how unclear I was being lol. I think Tenko is a rly cool character but I just rly didn’t like her backstory for her personality. I thought it was kinda far fetched, (the reason for hating men at least) and then to kinda get rid of it all in the love suite was the nail on the head for me. I was also rly annoyed w how they kiiiiinda tempted the idea of Himiko and Tenko but never actually did anything w it

Like objectively her character is fun and probably used to lighten the mood and I can’t blame the writers for it. Her character is fun and cool and I’m definitely taking it too seriously. But also... h

give tenko mahiru’s backstory and i would be fine w her character. her character would make sense and i wouldnt be annoyed w her. but her whole character was hating men for a reason that was like... ???? and even that was inconsistent and mostly used for comedic moments. during her free time events she constantly flips between being chill to shuichi and wanting to beat his ass so... it was either hating men or drooling over Himiko and it just felt like her character was just thrown in as a “whatever it works”. her character had a lot of potential but in the end she was just tossed aside so like eh. i like her dynamic w himiko tho and those soft moments she has are really nice

v3 spoilers//

kaede absolutely shouldve lived and shuichi shouldve been the one who died. is this a hot take? to shuichi stans, yes, and theres a lot of them, so yes. (Assuming that one of them has to die) having kaede as a character wouldve been such a better plot, better character, better everything imo. Not to hate on Shuichi but I just think Kaede would’ve been a nice change. but nahh lets keep the casual sexism and kill her off bc man better (im looking at YOU, weirdly consistent skirt on every single girl character except aoi). 

i feel like she couldve been a real cool main character BUT only if they expanded on her personality more. i definitely wouldve gotten annoyed by the way too consistent optimism. i think her, kaito, and maki wouldve been a reaaally cool dynamic to see. 

i really like the idea of swapping main characters but ehhh... it wouldve made much more impact if shuichi was the one who you played as and died as imo. I thought it was rly clever how they pulled off her killing tho (even if it failed)

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

[insomniac0330]

Ugh. I still feel like Bonnie and Damon shouldve ended up together. I just felt like in the end Elena didnt deserve Damon. I used too REALLY hate Damon, but then I learned the reason why he is the way he is and that made me feel for him and I grew to love him. Like after learning everything, I felt that Elena and Stefan deserved each other and I felt super sorry for Damon. Like they both put him through a lot. Oh! And I hated how Elena was essentially leading Damon on the entire time she was with Stefan. I also especially hated how she would manipulate him into doing things by saying “do it for me or I wont talk to you anymore” like I get it she wants him to do the right thing, but sometimes he would do the right thing without her having to say that. Like, yeah, he talks a lot of shit, but he still has some sort of moral compass. At least he isnt an outta control ripper who cant control his compass. And also I hate how they ALWAYS deem Damon to be the bad brother always up to something bad bc of this he often chooses to live up to their expectations. And omg Bonnie’s reaction to Damon’s letter like that is like the only thing I vividly remember from the entire show. Just her saying how much he hurt her and then him telling her what was in the letter like they was so much love like romantic love.

And I feel that Bonnie makes Damon a better person and their banter back and forth is cute. And they also have a lot of cute moments. I loved their friendship and could totally see it blossoming into a relationship if Elena wasnt there. Also Elena’s relationship with Damon made her even more annoying than she already was.

Btw rewatching it from the beginning, Bonnie and Damon couldve totally been a thing bc they def fell into the trope of “enemies to friends to lovers.” And lmao they both tried to kill each other abt an equal amount of times. And from the ep when the 60s dance it seemed like Damon genuinely cared for Bonnie and it didnt seem like it was for Elena’s sake. He was very concerned that she would die and tried to find a way out of it. And Bonnie is the only one who he truly thanked and was grateful too. Like he was willing to be vulnerable with her. He couldve been like “Aight cool thanks” and omg when he found out she died. When he kept telling Jeremy to not say it like there was so much love. AND Elena has even said that she thinks Damon loves Bonnie.

Also I think my favorite episodes of Delena were when they admitted they were horrible for each other and that they dont want to see each other anymore. Like they literally were spitting out facts. And when Katherine was a passanger in Elena and told Damon how she thought he should live for himself and not focus so much in her like forreals the doppelgängers kinda dont improve his life that much. And to add it wouldve been better fitting for Damon to not end up with a doppelgänger bc it would’ve meant he really let go of Katherine bc him being with someone who looks like her but actually reciprocates his feelings is kind of sad.

I just feel like if fans werent pushing the whole delena thing so hard we wouldve gotten Bamon bc it just really felt like they dropped hints here and there. But idk at the same time maybe it’s a good thing it didnt happen bc maybe Plec wouldve ruined them and their characters.

I was just reading someone else’s post abt how Damon was obsessed with Elena. Like he loves her but not in the way he shouldve and I totally agree bc that doesnt leave room for a healthy relationship or ppl to be the best versions of themselves.

[one-night-story]

Echoes of You (Spike Spiegel)

A/N: The formatting on this is h e l l. But when nostalgia slaps you and says “Fall in love with Spike Spiegel again.” You do as it’s says. Thus this

Roman Holiday had changed who she was so many times she didn’t remember who she was when she started. She’d been a drug lord, a spy, an informant, a bounty, a runaway. But these days, with blue and purple hair and a coat large enough to hide a pistol, she settled on being a ghost among the streets, listening and picking up information as she went. She found herself on Mars, mourning friends and paying dues. She was going to have to disappear again soon. But first, she needed food, scissors, and some hair dye; though she was uncertain what color. She tried walking into a convenience store when she ran into someone.

“Sorry about that.” The guy said. From that one comment Roman almost got whiplash. That voice shouldn’t be talking to her. That voice should’ve been dead. If not from the first time, then definitely the second time. She looked up at him and sure enough it was him. Spike Spiegel in all his blue suited, disheveled glory. And he looked just as shocked to see her. “Ro-?” He didn’t get to finish her name because she took off, sprinting in the opposite direction as fast as she could. He of course went after her, he always would, and she scaled a building to get to the roof. She pulled her pistol and waited for him to catch up.

“Who are you?” She asked.

“Ro don’t do this.”

“Tell me! Stop playing cruel tricks and just tell me!” She yelled. It couldn’t be him, it shouldn’t be him.

“Roman, it’s really me.”

“Bullshit, you died.”

“I didn’t,”

“Then you died again.”

“I’ve had worse.” He said with his trademark lazy smile. Roman almost let up at that. He still knew her weak points.

“Gimme the word.” She said, lowering her gun but not putting it away. He furrowed his brows and then figured it out.

“Lily.” He said. Roman lowered her pistol entirely and put it away. Her flower of choice. Julia had roses, she had lilies. Her whole form softened, though she was far from the Roman he used to know. Spike took a step forward to see if she’d let him and sure enough, she didn’t move. “It’s good to see you Roman. Glad to know you’re still picking up information.” He said. Roman shrugged and sat down, still keeping her distance.

“Nothing better to do on this dirt rock. You know you threw the whole operation into chaos, right? There’s a power vacuum with at least seven people trying to fill it.” She said. Spike sat across from her, a little closer than she would’ve liked, but she allowed it. She chalked it up to some primal part of her brain still wanting to keep him as close as she could. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and stuck it in his mouth.

“What’s next for you then? Figure you’re not gonna stick around for that mess to sort itself out.” He said as he fished out a lighter and lit the cigarette. He took a drag and offered it to Roman. She took it and copied the movement. She never smoked unless she was with Spike. Again, she chalked it up to that primal part of her brain that was still 13 years old and hoped that she still stood a chance against a far prettier half-sister.

“I cut my hair, redye it and catch a flight out of here. I’m thinking Ganymede. Or the asteroids. Hell, I could go be a small fry in Tijuana.” She said.

“And what color will it be this time?” He asked. Roman’s mood was usually determined by her hair. She changed it with regimes, mood, the music she was listening to that month, and sometimes when she felt she had no control of anything. He watched as she thought over her answer.

“Red. Probably. Or pink. Julia always thought I’d look good with pink.” She said muttering the last part.

“You would.” He said. Roman tried to not flush to the color in question, but she never did take compliments well. “I remember she was constantly trying to push you out of the shadows.”

“I like the shadows. No one judges me there. I’m useful there.” Roman argued. Spike chuckled and took a drag from his cigarette. The motion was repeated when he passed it to her to take a drag.

“Maybe, but you have no reason to stay there. Unless you wanna start working for the police.” He said.

“I could be a bounty hunter.” She said with a shrug.

“Oh no, I don’t think I could have you competing for my dinner money too.” He said with his trademark smile. Roman laughed at his comment, a real laugh. Something she hadn’t done in a while. As she laughed, Spike watched her. Her face was lit up by the beginnings of sunset and neon. Her and Julia had no personality similarities, but sometimes they did have physical ones.

“I haven’t done that in forever.” She said when she finally calmed down. Spike smiled at her. She seemed lighter now, more at ease. It was like the laughter fit had locked her into a time machine and she had shed so many years of cynicism with ease. “What about you? What becomes of the great Spike Spiegel? Now newly undeceased again.” She asked. Spike thought it over. He wasn’t certain. He didn’t know if he could go back to the Bebop. But he didn’t know any other way of life. Maybe just him and Jet could strike out again. Maybe he needed to go forward. Maybe he needed to disappear.

“No idea. Maybe dye my hair and change planets.” He said. Roman rolled her eyes.

“Hey, don’t steal my one thing.” She said. Spike chuckled and actually gave her a genuine smile. They were silent for a minute, casually passing the cigarette between themselves. For a moment they felt like teenagers again, sharing cigarettes and sharing a moment of uncertainty. At least that’s how Roman always felt in moments like these. Until finally she broke the tension.

“Annie told me you came to see her.” She said as she looked down.

“Yeah. Thought I might finally kill him.”

“Ignored my bounty then.”

“Always did. Whenever it came up, no matter what the price, no matter what name you were under. I wouldn’t do that to you Roman.” He said. It felt like a whisper on the wind. Like if he said it any louder, he’d lose her like he lost Julia. Roman leaned into this, allowing one of her knees to knock into his. She needed this. She needed him. Outside of just that primal part that told her she was once 13 and crushing on the one person in the whole galaxy she couldn’t have.

“I look at you and I think… god what have we done with our lives? And what did it get us?” She said with what Spike could only describe as the truest form of sadness he’s ever seen from her. Roman Holiday kept all her cards close to her chest until one day, she’d die. But now? He felt like he was peering through a brick in her wall. “I loved my sister more than anything in this life. And I chose her happiness over mine, time and time again.” She scoffed and leaned back on her hands. “God I can’t believe I’m saying this.”

“What?” He asked. He wasn’t sure what was coming next, but curiosity killed him to know.

“A million years ago, she said to me “this one’s mine.” So, I stood by.” She said. “And I knew I shouldn’t do anything, I should just leave and pretend I never met you. But Julia,”

“She was too kind for that.” He said as his brain was slowly putting the pieces together. He had always wondered when they were kids, even before Roman became a shadow figure, why she always seemed to fall into that point, even when Julia brought her out, or when he tried to talk to her. But now he got it. She’d been hiding pain this whole time.

“I should go.” She said. She stood up and dusted herself off. Spike stood up as well and grabbed her wrist before she could go anywhere.

“Don’t disappear again.” He said. Roman looked down at her beat up shoes, trying to hide what had just come to pass.

“You can’t ask that of me.” She said.

“Ro, you’re all I’ve got left.”

“And who’s fault is that?” She snapped. Spike wanted to get offended. But he remembered an incident when they were younger, where he’d gotten too close and she’d snapped, and he retaliated. They didn’t speak for a month. Not until Julia forced them to, and not until after he’d brought her lilies. He sighed and plucked the nearly burnt out cigarette from his teeth and passed it to her. She took a drag and then stomped it out. She was still looking down at it when Spike brought her face to look up at him. Roman unintentionally leaned her cheek into his hand, blinking at him a couple of times.

“I won’t let this be the last time I see you Roman.” He said. Spike, at his core, was a deeply sentimental person. He couldn’t lose Roman. She reached up and brought his face to hers, giving him a small, soft and what Spike could only describe as a ghost of a kiss. Like she was afraid of what fully kissing him would mean. He kissed her cheek in turn, letting it sit there a little longer than either of them expected. When they separated, they put the distance back between them. Once again, afraid of what the closeness would do to them. She tossed him a comm unit she had pocketed off some guy and he caught it with ease.

“Call that ship of yours.”

“Wouldn’t that be going backward?” He asked.

“One step backward to go miles forward? I think it’s worth it. Call them Spiegel.” She said. Spike nodded.

“Remember, pink.” He said. Roman gave him a small, soft smile and nodded.

“See you Space Cowboy.” She said as she ran off the edge of the roof, scaling down the building to go buy some scissors, some food, and some pink hair dye.

[captaindaddykru]

The 100 Ask Game

i was tagged by @foreverandalwayscrysis even though i accidentally end up ignoring her for weeks bc i’ve migrated towards twitter. major dumb b*tch energy.

1. What Station on the Ark would you be from? probably argo station bc im from the south and im surrounded by farmers. theyre everywhere. get me out.

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark? yelling at someone in command for being a basic bitch? fighting for equality? stealing meds for the poor?

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground? if bellamy asked me to? y-yeah.

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..) i’d love a turtle

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be? ok if we dont count miles ezekiel shaw bc he was in more than two eps, definitely wells.

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? bellamy, clarke, raven, shaw & harper. 

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to? there is only one kru<3<3 anyway, floukru if it was my own decision.

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? sumn like maksim? or just maks? idk the whole language is confusing to me

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious. did everyone try the chicken? i thought the chicken was lovely. nah, all jokes aside -- what he did to raven was absolutely disgusting, but i kind of liked his storyline. how he went from being holier-than-thou to absolutely losing his damn mind over clarke to point he shoots up an entire village of innocent people? it was interesting. but he died when he shouldve.

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? im not gonna take shit. grass is always greener on the other side.

11. What character do you relate to most? definitely clarke. thats why i’m so hard on her.

12. What character do you like the least? echo. groan every time i see her face.

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical) oh i love this one! uhm. probably like jeans, but ripped. black ankle boots. a shirt -- something with cleavage definitely, i think a regular tanktop. a dark jacket. idk. i would always have a gun/knife holster on my thigh i think. (ok i wanna look like lara croft). and i would enjoy if i could wear any shade of lipstick. i would want that to be my trademark. i find berries or sumn in the first ep.

14. Favorite type of mutant animal? that monster spying on lincoln and octavia in the woods. wonder what happened to that one.

15. What would your job be on the Ark? something medical for sure.

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked? yeah no biggie im (almost) a nurse. ive resucitated ppl before.

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive, then who would have made the best commander? dont kill me, but definitely luna. i know she didnt want it, but she wouldve been the best fit.

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty? probably cry all night or get super giggly. either or.

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach? i dont believe in the dead penalty in modern times, but like she was old enough to know killing people aint right. especially not for revenge on an innocent person. so i say the murphy method.

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone? they shouldnt have one person in charge, but if they have to, i’d say clarke. fuck them old ppl tbh.

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis? i think bellamy went through some personal stuff that made him side with pike. if i were in the situation myself i think i would be digusted by pike’s xenophobia, but if they said there was an army outside waiting to kill us. maybe i would buy it? idk. depends on if i have all the info i guess.

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s iPod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there? MUSIC PLAYER

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? war paint on my lips!!! and i’d wing the shit out of my eyes too. as for a hairstyle probably like a lob, sides braided back. i dont like my hair up so mostly just keep it down. tattoos? idk if we’re all dying anyway, i’d say fuck it and do a whole sleeve of flowers.

24. Favorite quote? can i be a soft bellarke bitch for a sec and present clarke’s entire speech in 4x13 or��‘if i’m on that list, you’re on that list’. that or “who we are, and who we need to be to survive are very different things”

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? clarke or murphy. team cockroach bitch. is this the time i plug my own thg fics? 

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non-canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

if i cant say bellarke its gonna be a short list. canon? zaven and memori. non-canon: sea mechanic, wellven, murphamy. 

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo? BIG DREAM would be taylor swift but i dont think her current era fits with the show (plus its the cw....like they gonna give up half of their yearly budget for a three sec cameo?). i think aly & aj’s new music slaps and they’d fit in the whole new earth aesthetic. 

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time? write blarke fanfic with him probably. 

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die? i’d wanna die protecting bellamy lmao. just a full on beheading or something.

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of? literally no one. they’re a season too late. ok. maybe shaw. but thats over now i guess :/

31. A character you’d bang? bellamy, clarke, raven, shaw, emori, harper, monty, wells, diyoza. its a cw show. come on.

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden?  if i was on the show i’d go up in space to prevent becho. if you have me the choice now, i’d stay in eden.

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?  i’d definitely not eat human meat. death it is i think.

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits? tryna murder blodreina for making me eat humans.

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with? i’d bond with monty over biology i think. i would have a hard time getting a long with murphy or echo. i love the first as a character but irl i’d kick his ass. 

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself? if i have eden? as long as i have until the next apocalypse.

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do? try and blow them up while they sleep or sumn? or idk. if i was alone, maybe just better to make friends.

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite? diyoza+, mccreary-.

39. Would you Spacewalk? i would probably? i’d be terrified but what a way to go?

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat? ive accidentally gotten bugs in my mouth before and like i said im not eating humans, so -- space algae.

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it? war didn’t help anyone. in the end, no one got to live on earth. i’d try and compromise i guess. or once they trust me, try and kill the eligius ppl in their sleep anyway.

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes? stick the thumb drives into bullet holes. i have fear of ‘alive’ things being in or on the human body. 

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia? for clarke? yeah. if she was as loco as octavia, definitely. or i’d kidnap her and say she killed me.

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper? sleep, definitely.

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet? bellamy, clarke, raven, emori, shaw, murphy, jordan and since somebody usually dies on these explorations, i’d allow echo to come.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

7:20pm.

I hate you.

Monday, March 9th of 2020.

I still resent my ex. Nothing new, but relevant.

It kinda hurts, knowing how much I tried for nothing.

Hell, we got to the point of him confessing he enjoyed being able to be intimate and close with me again, and admitting how he supposedly reciprocated his feelings... just to leave.

Not fun.

At all.

I'm not sure if I want to cry or not. I already have been writing out a lot of my feelings these days on a different document, and I frankly get a migraine remembering anything between us.

.....

I just wish he TOLD me, you know? Fucking sooner. I would've never gave him that letter if he ever made the first move. Never would have freaked out the night I did if he straight up told me the shit he decided to hide.

God, shit is fucked.

I hate him so much for that. I wouldn't hurt him, but not gonna lie, anyone else in my situation admitted they'd BEEN caught an attitude with him, for heeeeella shit...........

I'm just so disappointed.

Really. Disappointed.

....

But we all know he just wanted to have his fun with me until someone else that caught his eye would ever reply to his messages. That would've killed me, if one day it was like, "Hey Tamia, I'm removing you from my life! I got a new girlfriend, so I no longer need you even as a friend."

Getting dumped by the same person twice, for someone else? Cool, the noose would have been tied and ready alongside the bucket.

I could've pictured staying around before.

Like, if that weekend wasnt specifically a romantic holiday, then maybe.

But, it was. And I didn't wanna see a dude who I legitimately brought baked goods before thanks to being a good fuck, try to frame me as "undeserving" or "wild" for wanting a nice treat back.

My friend Elle tried to be like "Buy your own gifts! Take yourself on a date! Self care, love!" BITCH, WHAT GOOD IS A MAN THAT CANT COUGH UP FOUR BUCKS FOR CANDY?

The bar was soooooooo low.

At that point, its "I don't need this musty prick embarrassing me, just leave his ass."

Or well.... I almost stayed, but once he said "maybe" at the idea of fucking on Valentines Day, that's when i went, "this nigga is useless, WRAP IT UP BABY!"

Like, jesus.... I've had friends with benefits that wouldn't find that shit awkward. It could've been an "RIP romance" type of celebration, where I get to order pizza and eat shitty candy with the dude who's keen on fucking my privates. Hell, a past FWB, Crackhead John, deadass tried to ask to take me to a movie one year, since he KNEW I didn't wanna fuck for nothing in return. And he knew that I wanted something special. I wanted something special, or at least a self esteem boost.

So, if a guy I'm fucking for the *sake* of a self esteem boost, cant come through and vibe on the specific day where I just don't wanna feel lonely.... hes not the one to vibe.

Cutting him off was a good idea.

He kinda deserved it.

Hell, the next day, even as he confessed his feelings and all that, he confirmed that he wouldn't have done what I hoped.

......

Useless.

Knowing him, he bends easier than a marshmallow if you give things enough time. But I knew I was fine as fuck, and that I have so much to love about myself! What good would come from, "Cool, let's wait several weeks to see if this dude can muster the idea of seeing me worthy of the treatment I want....."

The answer? Low self esteem. Chasing a man. Begging for scraps. Fuck. That.

It was hard enough getting the confidence to go, "I'm going to be completely fine without him, and I must leave."

He shouldn't have said anything to me after I left his porch. He should've not texted me that text. Since him being a fuckboy, after a girl sends him a blatant "i adore you but this isnt what i want and dont contact me ever again" letter..... was of course.... some shit that would have gotten ANYBODY slapped for.

Not saying it was right, but it was still understandable!

Shouldve left me alone. Fucks sake.

[ten-shika]

personal rant;;;

“I usually just keep this to myself because there's really no point in ranting about it... ...but it's gotten to the point where I keep hearing the same thing over and over..

the expectation is too much and it's killing me. I know this is normal when it comes to life. if u dont get a job, you’re pretty much screwed in life. I'm probably just being a huge baby and just going to keep running away but this is how I feel the most comfortable without having to think "oh god i hate myself i am not worthy i cant do anything i make the worst life choices why am i still here". being a part of artist alley is a huge and very special thing for me. i’m surrounded by people who have similar interests and there’s nothing to worry about because you do your own thing and no one can say otherwise(unless it broke the rules of artist alley LMAO) but the point is... i really love it. I have never loved to work and do the things I love at the same time and managed to put some money on the plate as well. it’s the one thing i felt proud of myself for because I did this on my own and accomplished a life goal of mine.

but apparently it’s never enough... nothing is ever enough...

tryin to work full-time freelance artist is NOT enough... according to them.

I’m sorry that I’m not good with people. I’m sorry that I have a hard time speaking and just a moment of being in the crowd makes it hard to breathe. I’m sorry for being selfish and wanting some me-time, all the time. I’m sorry for giving up when I literally tried a bunch of times to get back up only to fall down. I’m sorry I am tired and that I want to stay in my comfort zone. I’m sorry for not wanting to change and for wanting to stay safe inside my bubble.

I dropped out of college because school wasn’t for me. I did got a job before but it was only until I realize I wasn’t happy and I was different from everyone in the workplace. I acted like I was someone else. I didn’t feel true to myself.

I probably shouldve just sucked it up because I really got no excuse. Other ppl have it worse than I do, I’m sure and I cant compete with that. heck it’s probably easy enough to go by the days acting like the best worker and you can go home and just cuss all u want after. But they’re not me and I’m not them. it’s different and it’s not that easy to me at least... Ppl keep saying that I should do what makes me happy. I’m doing that but it’s still wrong?... what is the right choice anymore.

again, i’m refusing to grow up yes but I am weak and I can’t handle anything the way they expect me to. no this is not a pity party, I KNOW I am a waste of space, good-for-nothing. this just happens to be my way of finding my own happiness but i guess i’m the bad guy when it comes to the situation.

“sacrifices have to be made” but that sacrifice is the one thing that makes me my own person. that is my talent for art. that is the last thing I want to lose and they will never understand that. losing that would be like dying...

“be a good example” I never was aiming to be a good role model to begin with, you just gotta lead them a different way, that doesn’t mean I should be the one to change.

“grow up” I can’t............. ... ....     ...

thanks for reading this pointless rant. I’ll be fine, I’m sure. This has been happening constantly, the expectations will never end so I will keep on moving on and go with the flow, just covering my ears like always. I am sorry for this. if anyone is going to comfort me on this, just know I won’t reply because I don’t want to talk about this but I am really thankful for the comfort. thank you so so much;;;;

[festivebb4-blog]

Jury Questions and Answers, and Closing Statements:

Jury question from Owen - Why don't the other two people you're sitting next to deserve to win, and why do you deserve it more?

Timmy: Hi Owen! I don’t think Amanda deserves to win because she did not make moves during this game. It was easy for her to get this far because she wasn’t seen as a threat and while that can be seen as a good way to play, I think in this situation I played a better game. I deserve to win over Amanda because I always put in the effort to make moves that would benefit my game even if it risked me being a target. Even when I was a target for some people I was able to use my social game to stay over others. Ali does not deserve to win because I was in control of the moves Ali made. Ali was an amazing ally to have and he is a great friend but the things he did in this game were things that I told him to do. I deserve to win over Ali because I helped him get this far. From a different standpoint, I won more competitions than both of them and made moves out in the open, which some disagreed with, and I was still able to make it this far.

 Amanda: Why do i deserve it more- Do you know the vine thats like "Im a bad bitch you cant kill me" thats me in this game lolol i should have been booted sooooo long ago but i kept weaseling my way through. You Rhone and I got seen as a very known trio and i made sure you guys looked scarier than me and once you left i played the "poor me i have nothing" card and it gained me allies with people who should have been getting me out and obviously it worked because im here :)

Ali: ajkhfdakskjfdas owen making me be mean, I hate. Amanda doesn't deserve to win because while she seems like a lovely person, I don't think was especially committed to this game and I don't think she has done all that much. Her and Rhone would consistently vote together, and I don't think she has been a threat for a long time. Additionally, she has consistently just kind of voted with the same people and been in the minority, just sticking to her friends (which she must have good choice in, since you two are friends). Compared to me, I would try and make connections on all sides of the house, I was in a huge variety of alliance chats, with Dana and Zach, with Timmy and John, with you and Ruthie, with Madison, I was always working to make sure I had connections everywhere, which solidified my spot in the majority for literally every vote. Timmy has played a phenomenal challenge game, he won many many comps. With that said, while he was nominated many times (which potentially stems from his weaker social game), it would be my vote that would save him. We have worked quite closely together, but it was my social game that meant that unlike him I never received an eviction vote and was only a final nominee once . When he made unpopular (and surprising) decisions like in the live night, I would do damage control with people like Zach to ensure people I trusted I could balance between. I didn't need to rely on competitions to get here, I used a strong social game as the foundation to a strategic game which allowed me to make it this far. I deserve your vote Owen because I played hard. I was consistently a swing vote and made some hard strategic decisions (like voting out Dana) to ensure my safety going forwards. You once again were terrifying to play with, but I feel like this time (more than last time) I should have earned your respect and thus your vote.

Jury question from Madison: I have the flu so can you ask them how I've impacted them in the community

Amanda: Madison we've gotten through so much trash over the time ive known you and we're still alive. Like girl we got through hell and so much random ass shit here you're so fun and i love you you'll always be my meme queen

Timmy: Hi Madison! I hope you feel better soon!!! You have impacted me in many ways in the community. You are always someone who I am happy to talk to and I know I can have a good laugh with. There are a lot of people who I only talk to because we are in a game together and that’s just how it works out, but we talk outside of games and I enjoy that. You have added me to some random chats, and while I have still yet to take advantage of jackbox nights, I appreciate that you invited me into that. Also, I would have applied to Alcatraz because you’re hosting it but 4 games is already a lot (even though this one is about to end).

Ali: Madison, you have impacted me in the community in that you've become a friend. I remember in Festive 3 when I had to do that satanic slide puzzle for that veto comp and I was so sad and disappointed in myself and you were being so supportive and great. This sounds so incredibly corny, but from there I knew you were a friend and thats why I play these games, to meet new iconic people. Since then, it's been my pleasure to know you and call you a friend and root for you in VLs for games, and I'm so happy we got to play together too, even though it cut short (still sorry about that!)!

Jury question from Ruthie - What are three reasons you deserve my jury vote over the other two in the final 3?

Timmy: Hi Ruthie! I hope you’re having a great time in Disney!! The first reason is that I made moves that I believe changed the game. These moves were in the weeks that John stayed over Chrissa, when I stayed over John, and during the live double. In the week where John stayed, I made multiple calls that day to keep him safe. I was able to convince Zach and Dana to talk to him since they had no prior relationship with him and did not see the original benefit of keeping him. I see this as a move that changed the game because many sides and alliances were exposed under the surface, especially those surrounding Amanda, Owen, and Rhone and I knew I was still able to trust John, so it was in my best interest to keep him. In the week that I stay over John, I knew I was the target, so I could have easily laid down and accept my fate, but I had to fight. Owen had kept nominating me and therefore he wanted me out, but I was able to convince people to look past the “I need to know what others are doing” mentality and show that they all had that and keep me because I am more beneficial. With that move I was able to get Owen out the next week during the double and if I had not done that then the trio of Amanda, Owen, and Rhone would probably have outlasted all of us. The second reason is that I won competitions when I needed to. I won 3 HoHs and 2 vetos. I was able to save myself with both of those vetos, the more important of the two being at F5 when I knew if I had not won I would have left. With the HoHs, at least the 2nd and 3rd, since the first was in week 1, I was able to get rid of people who would have or were already targeting me, Owen and Zach. I think this is important to note as one of the reasons because collectively between Ali and Amanda they only won 2 competitions. The third reason is that I was on the block at the end of the week 4 times and people still did not get rid of me. I never saw myself as a background player in this game because I was always telling people what I wanted to happen and making the right moves to allow those things to happen and somehow people kept me. I always made sure that there was at least one person who looked more threatening than me. I will say though that the situation was different in the Josh vote because he was inactive so I did not put much effort into that vote since it was obvious that he was leaving. Because of those reasons, I believe that I deserve your jury vote over the other time. Sorry, I know you’re on vacation and this is a lot to read, but have fun with the rest of your trip!!

Ali: Hey Ruthie! I'd say three reasons I deserve your vote are:

1. I have never received a vote to evict this season nor have I been in the minority for a vote (the other two have been at least one of those). Timmy was nominated many times,but it was always my votes saving him 2. I played super hard this season, you were my number one and you saw that we were with Dana and Zach, Owen, Madison and Zach, basically I made sure I had connections everywhere, and I think the other two just stuck with who they were close to only. I was also in an alliance with John and Timmy, so it's clear I was working to find numbers all the time everywhere. 3. Other than our BOTB win (so iconic) I haven't needed to win a comp till F4 to evict the biggest threat in the game (Zach). My social and strategic game got me here,while I think Timmy's game was very comp dependent.

Amanda: Lets be honest i shouldve been right out the door after owen and rhone but im here i might not have won comps but 1- i made deals with people i needed to to stay safe and 2- made sure people liked me enough to not want me to leave

And 3- The Disney Gods want you to vote for me

Jury Question from John: Hi final 3! I love you all dearly first off, and this is going to be a very difficult decision. 1. Write me an essay on why you love me 2. If you could compare your gameplay to an animal, what would it be and why?

Amanda: HI BABYYYYY!! You're my John Coffeycakes and I love you so so much. Your BGC snaps are my faves and you always make me laugh. You're literally one of the most genuine and sweet people I know and you honestly brighten up my day everytime we talk! I cried when you left this game and ive missed you so much. I could get even more mushy but i think you already know how much i love you.

2- A monkey because I keep my babies on my back and take care of them picking all the little bugs from their hair. I also sit around eating a banana while everyone else crashed and burned but now Ali and Timmy are trying to TAKE THE BIGGEST BANANA IVE EVER SEEN AND I WANNA EAT IT IM ABOUT TO GO KING KONG ON THIS SHIT.

Ali: 1. John, I love you because while I knew a fair amount of the players before this season, you were one of the few who I only know very loosely (I'd seen you met up with Cameron so knew you already had great taste in friends!). It's been such a real pleasure to get to know and play with you this season, and to become friends afterwards! You are so sweet and so nice, and you don't take these games even remotely personally. My game highlight was the night when like 10 different game calls happening but our one was really fun because we got the game out of the way pretty quickly and then were just able to have fun! You are truly winning crossroads and can add it to all the other things you've won (i.e. festive and everyone hearts). One of the best things to come out of this game is I can now call you friend! 2. I'd compare my gameplay to an octopus in thats my key strength were all the connections and links I made in the house (like an octopus' tentacles). I voted in the majority every single round, and that came from me using my social connections to ensure what I wanted to happen happened and that my votes counted. Like the little squishy suction cups on an octopus' tentacles I would keep attached to everyone which is why I didnt receive a single eviction vote this entire season! Finally I'm an octopus in that.... well you can't play flash games with squishy tentacles which explains why they weren't my friend.

Timmy: Hi John! I’m going to let you know right now, I suck at essays, so this will be shorter than one and will not have the appropriate structure of an essay (also, I’m still on break for the next 24 hours so the thought of an academic style answer is not in me). But to at least answer your question, you were easily one of my favorite people in this game, both on a game level and on a personal level. The first reason was because you were easy to talk to. I am a very awkward person, especially just talking online just because things could come off in a different way than intended but I didn’t find myself having that issue talking to you. Also, in your intro one of the first things you said was that you like being drunk and my first thought was “relatable, me, same” and I knew you would be someone I could get along with. For a large portion of this game you were my number 1 ally and I knew I could trust you which was always important to me since I could just openly talk to you about what I was thinking which is not easy to do in games. I was always able to freak out to you about different things happening and we were always on the same page with what was going on and what we wanted to do about it. To kind of conclude this brief essay, you are a great person who is funny and was always there when I was freaking out and that’s why I love you. To answer the second question, I would simply say that my gameplay could be compared to a cat. Some people like cats, some don’t, which is kind of what my gameplay was like, some people agreed with my moves while others thought I was stupid at times. Another reason is that a cat can be soft and warm up to people and then at any point switch and be angry and I had my moments with that, sometimes turning my targets very quickly based on what was going on around me. Thanks for the questions. 😊

Zach’s Jury Question: Name some fun facts about me and tell me why u should win thanks

Ali: 

- Zach is the king of geckos - Zach has a great pride tattoo - Zach has played 100 days in Athena because he is iconic - Zach has a concerning effect on how I speak, in that I've started saying "I lav it" and "hort" which I'm definitely subconsciously copying from himI deserve to win, because while I've undersold it, I've had a lot of control over this game. I am the only player who hasn't received a single vote to evict this season (or ever) and I was in the majority for every.single.vote. I would make moves to benefit my game, ensuring that threats were going home, and who would benefit my game. I didn't rely on competition wins, until I absolutely needed to, which was ensuring that you didn't win veto and potentially evict me, and so that I could vote to evict you from the game. You were truly the biggest threat in this game, you had such an underdog story and it wasn't something I felt I could rival, so I needed to see you go. Compared to Timmy, while he has had an on point challenge game and has survived many evictions, my votes would consistently be what saved him and I feel like my social game with my strategy gave me a lot of control. I had connections with everyone, alliances all over the shop, and yet I managed to navigate them and ensure my spot at F3. Amanda is a queen, but hasn't been especially committed to this game and I don't feel like has played in a way that deserves to win? (I love her though)

Amanda: You come from a long line of furbies and ilysm. I should win because i'm cute and everyone loves a female winner :*

Timmy: Hi Zach! Some fun facts about you: You live in Canada, you hate mayo, you’re very good at keeping a snap streak going when I’m really bad at it. I should win this game because I played my hardest at all stages during this game. We had conversations about how people were not using their full potential and only a few people deserve to win in the end and I think I am one of those people (who should win). I actively used my social game to stay each week. Some might argue that it was not good because I kept getting nominated, but most of those times I was only nominated by Owen. I got my way during a lot of hard times. Specifically noting the weeks that Chrissa and John left. During the day of the Chrissa vote I spent a big chunk of the day on calls convincing people to keep John because that was a lot better for my game. I got a lot of information from you and Dana and got you guys to talk to John and vote to keep him. John and I were able to convince Ali because of the relationship we had already built with him. When John left, it sucked because I was up against him and he was my number 1 at that point. I knew I was the target and I could have laid down and accepted that but instead I decided to fight and flip the vote. Most people were telling me that day that they would only vote to keep me if others did, so I had to work hard to let everyone know that that was a majority consensus so just vote to keep me and you will be fine. And I stayed. I won competitions when I needed to and got targets out, specifically in the live double. Owen had nominated me many times at that point and I knew I had to get rid of him, so I had like 12 tabs open to try and win HoH which I did. I’m still sorry that I nominated you but my only plan going into that night was to try and get Owen evicted. Two of the times I was nominated I won veto and was able to save myself; the more important of the two being in F5 when I definitely would have gone home if I had not won. I think I should win because I played the game to the best of my ability and thrived, especially after coming in 2nd the season before. This is really one of the first games where I was not afraid to say what my plans were and who I wanted to go and there was only a handful of times during the game where I did not know what was happening (mainly when Owen played the Spook d’état). I hope this answers your question.

Closing Statements:

Amanda: Hi everybodyyyyyy! I know i'm probably the last choice on all of your lists right now but i'm here and i'm having fun! I aligned with the people i needed to and placed myself in the middle of two alliances which kept me in a safe spot for the first half of this game. When we got to Rhones hoh/ the week after everything went to shit and i had to rethink things. I was stuck between two allinces and people were catching onto Rhone Owen and I being a trio. That got completely exposed and everyone was coming at us so i laid low so the two of them ended up looking like the bigger targets and they got taken out before me. After they left i felt alone as fuck and put myself out to zach and made the deal i needed to move forward. I always made sure i had backup relationships for when one crashed and I managed to weasel myself here. Even if I dont win i beat my placement and had a fun ass time doing it and I love you all <3 #FEMINISM

Ali: Hey Jurors! Thank you for an iconic season, it’s been a pleasure to play again with some of you, or meet some faces I’ve seen floating around various VLs. Thank you also to the hosts for hosting an iconic season, it was a pleasure to be invited back to festive and I’m so glad I’ve done myself justice by playing so much better.

When I played my first game, the main critique I got at FTC was that I made friends with everyone but I did nothing with those bonds. Thus, in this game, my philosophy has been to weaponize my social game ; make these social connections but actually do something with them. Consistently in votes, I would be a swing vote determining who would go home, to the point where I was in the majority for every single vote this season. I would use my connections all across the house with my web of alliances (Dana/Zach, Zach/Ruthie/Madison, Ruthie/Dana/Zach, Ruthie/Owen & John/Timmy) to not only keep myself safe but to ensure who I wanted to see go home went home (indicated by how I was in the majority for literally every single vote this season). Additionally, I would position myself so that it was in everyone’s best interest to keep me in the game, hence why I received no votes to evict this season. Social game is hard to quantify, but me winning MVP, which was voted for by players in the game, showed that my social game was universal and I was on average the most liked/supported player in the game.

Thank you everyone for playing, its been an iconic season and I'm looking forward to the reunion chat.

Timmy:  Hi everyone! Thank you for the questions, I hope I answered them to your satisfaction. If I did not, hopefully I can highlight a few things in this statement. I came into this game thinking I would have a huge target on my back because I got 2nd place last season, and granted I did not do much then, it was my ultimate goal to beat that placement here. I think that through the moves I made and the competitions I won to make those moves, I deserve to win this game. I already explained certain moves in some of the jury questions and I just want to briefly mention them again. In the week Chrissa left, I spent a lot of time messaging people and on calls to make sure that John would stay and was even able to convince people like Zach and Dana, who had no prior working relationship with John, to keep him. I even used my vote replacement on Owen and Ruthie just to make sure that he would stay in case something happened. I thought this was smart because I knew it was a safe backup since I had not talked to either of them about the vote. When I was on the block against John, I felt extremely defeated since Owen had hinted using the veto on me and then he nominated John, who was basically my number 1 at that point. I could have laid down and died in this game, but I made people aware of reasons why they should keep me and used my social game to keep me in a 4-2 vote when people all day were saying “maybe, but it depends on what other people are doing”. Then that next week I was able to get Owen out in the live double and, granted I made a few mistakes that night, I was able to put myself in a good spot heading into the rest of the game because the main person who was targeting me was evicted. I was on the block at the end of the week 4 times during this game and was able to stay each time which says something because there were chances to get rid of me, but people did not take those. I think I should win this game because I worked extremely hard to get to this point, harder than I have in any other game, and I made moves both behind the scenes and out in the open and was able to get to this point. Thank you!

[leighasnotebook]

Title - Hey Future Leigha ;P

So.. I'm broke as fuck. I can't even seem to get a job. A job at a place I dont even like but need. I barely even made it home from internship at the humane society in Indy. I am on BELOW empty. I tried to sell a galaxy s4 at disc replay to get me by and they wouldnt even take it because apparently theres something wrong with it. So that was dissappointing as fuck too. I've been forced to borrow money from my mom who I STILL live with. So apparently I dont even have the abilty to be independent right now. Sure Im in school but I cant even afford to put gas in my tank to get there and I still owe 1000 dollars or more to my school. I dont even know where Ill work after I get my certificate. Thats right.. CERTIFICATE.. not a actual degree. Still. I stupidly decided to get a credit card a few years ago and now I'm maxed out and cant afford to pay it off. I at least have gotten on a payment plan that will make the interest 0% and make my monthly payment lower. My phones fucked because I broke the goddamn screen on it. So no one can even call me unless its on the house phone and I'm not home all the time AND its a cordless that apparently has fucked batteries in it because it just shuts off after like 10 - 15 minutes. I shouldve never even gotten a stupid "smart" phone. All its done is make me feel guilty about the extra money my MOM is spending for it on the bill. And it is way more fragile than a flip phone. Sure the extra shit on it was fun but I dont even need it. I dont care if Im "stuck" in the old times. At least it was reliable. I have grown up in my life with a nice place to live and nice things but that just isnt me. I know when I live on my own I wont live in a nice place and I wont have nice things. Its as if Ive been blindfolded to my actual lifestyle to the point where I agreed to getting nice things. Things Id never be able to afford by myself. After my car got totaled I got a 12k settlement which I had my dad take care of because he wanted to take it to use to get me a new car. Well he decided to get me a fucking expensive newer car.. the accident happened oct. 1st 2013.. I ended up driving a rape van (huge burgendy van with bars on the windows) to and from Ivy Tech and work for about half a year or more before my dad decided to take out a loan for a Toyota Camry 2013! Why on earth would you opt to get me a expensive car like that when I cant even afford gas or live on my own!? Now Im fucked because I cant pay the car payment.. my dads paying it which makes him think for some reason that its his vehicle. No on the contrary it was his decision to spring for a newer car of which I am entitled to 12k of. so yeah now I have a investment in something I cant even use because the insurance is insanely high and I cant afford it. Sigh Im just so fed up with all of this bullshit. If I could sell everything I have right now and just start new, that would be ideal. Sell the fucking Toyota, use the money to pay off my credit card bill, pay off school and maybe have enough to secure a place for me and my dog to live. Because I am not a goddamn straight woman who has a boyfriend to pay for half of everything. I feel like alot of girls live with their boyfriends and get off easy. Well thats not an option for me is all Im saying. I can barely even find a lesbian whos responsible and even has enough income to hold up their half of living expenses.. I cant say shit about that right now since Im in the same boat but still. Even when I do (which I usually do) have all my resources I still cant find a responsible GF. Either way Id still be dependant on whoever I was living with to keep my place. Even if they were a roommate. Which I guess would be the same financially if it were a significant other providing half. anyway.. Ive been trying goddamn hard to get a job. I signed up for Rover.com to watch dogs or walk dogs for people but IDK if my background check came back clean. which it should because I spent extra money so that it would be. Beyond all.. I am seriously just fed the fuck up with trying to manage all of the bullshit that I have to. It feels like I need 3 of me to accomplish all the shit in front of me. I am overwhelmed I guess is what that means. I feel so useless in the world. The only thing keeping me from spiraling into a severe depression is the fact that Im going to school for something that I love doing. Knowing that in a month and a half Ill be graduating is whats keeping my head up. Other than that.. its my friends and animals that hold up the rest. Some days I for real just want to get drunk and say.. FUCK IT ALLLLL. which is kind of what im doing right now.. but guess what? my box of cheap ass wine is almost gone so this will be a short lived release until im fucked again.. and cant even go to a party I was invited to go to on sunday. Im writing very unhinged right now. I need a goddamn stupid dumb job. And Ive been trying to get one for months. Now its even harder without a cellphone. "hey yeah just call my house phone and let me know about that job" just doesnt jive well with me because ITS A FUCKING HOUSE PHONE.. better than nothing but its real fucked trying to get a job when you cant answer your phone bc you dont have one of your own. gaaaahahahahaha fuckckkckck Im just so fucking stressed. I feel like I cant accomplish anything with the materials I have right now. Even if I had some money.. Got a full tank of gas and paid off my monthly bills I still wouldnt just magically have a job. Even if I got my phone screen replaced. Goddamn and Ive tried going into places but apparently Im a dumbass and come at the wrong times. Sigh.. just. fucking. schedule. me. for. a. interview. its not that hard. Theyre like "oh yeah were hiring" but other than saying that sentence they are so fucking unhelpful. "oh did you apply online?" uhh duh yeah I did you fuck. Why in the fuck would I not fill out an application and expect an interview. Fuckin assholes.. like I get it.. youre busy. but hey you wanna know what would ease that? If I was working right now and could take some of the work load off. Everytime someone would call about a job I would be so informative and supportive because I know what its like. Plus if I ever feel like Im overworked- which is alot of the time at those quick turnover jobs- I WANT the person inquiring about a job to get the job. Why? because I need them to take some of my workload off. Thats how it happens at pizza hut at least. you start with a bunch of people and then they dwindle down to where everyone is being over worked and more workers are needed as to not kill everyone who still works there. sigh.. I dont even want to work at pizza hut again but at this point I will take any fucking job I can get. I am being nickeled and dimed.. just like that fucking book I had to read in school. Given, all of it was brought upon my by my own past hand. I cant do anything about the past and its legit my past self just going crazy on a credit card that has me so fucked right now. After I get these cards paid off I will NEVER EVER EVER have another credit card again. I cannot be trusted with it. Great that I know that now that Im in debt out my ass. Yeah yeah and I have this theory that I learn things in life by trial error.. and guess what.. IVE FUCKING LEARNED.. and now that I have im still super fucked. Usually my trial error didnt cause me this much detrimental pain and suffering. usually it was like touching a hot stove and it was over with. but no.. this has been a very slow stinging burn that wont let up. I know.. I know that I will have to kill myself working my ass off and not having any shred of a life to get out of this hole. but the thought of it just really really makes me sad. Not saying It makes me not want to get a job. because NO WAY I need a job ASAP like yesterday. like if someone walked up and would pay me 20 dollars to eat a worm I would. Because it would spare me the shame in asking my mom YET AGAIN for gas money. God I am so tired of asking anyone for ANYTHING. Its the last thing I want to do in fact. Theres only so much you can ask of someone before they decide they wanna say nope.. youre on your own. and you know? Im surprised my mom hasnt told me no yet. Shes really really helpful. I think she understands me but also just wants me to get a job already so I wont keep borrowing from her. Which is understandable completely.. and thats exactly what I want too. At least i dont just sit around getting drunk and stoned all day in my pajamas. Im actually trying here. Theres nothing more that I want to just have a steady income. I dont care what kind of shit I have to drudge through to get to that point. I am so able bodied and ready to sweat and work and give myself away to a corporation for money. But guess where Im going to get the gas money to get to that job? FUCK IF I KNOW lol. goddamnit. I have really done it this time. How did I let it get this bad? How did I let myself fall so far? I dont even have anything else to sell to disc replay and the only other things I have to sell are all my paintball equiptment.. and I dont even really know how I would go about doing that. Craigslist? idk. I am flailing..... my wings are clipped and i cant fly. I have maybe a few dollars in change right now. Man how I used to just throw it in a jar willy nilly when I had a job. Not touching it at all for months and months. and now its all I have. FUCK. my rope is covered in kerosine and its been on fire for months. Someone in this world needs to cut me a fucking break and give me a job. Just 1 fucking person to say "you got the job, heres your uniform, come in monday at 8". I have been able to keep my hope through the worst of situations in my life. I feel it wearing reaaally thin right now. I almost had to walk miles just to get home today. you know its bad when you cant even afford to drive home. When youre just waiting for your car to give out and its screaming "i need gas!!!" You actually make it home and you get out of the car and hug it and praise it. Thank you. Thank you so much for holding out on me. I will get you gas as soon as I can I promise. Its like if you were traveling by horse and didnt have any water or grains for it to sustain itself but it powers through for you. I feel like a huge bum slacker bitch. Like I shouldve worked harder. done this done that. And maybe I wouldnt have ended up in this tight situation. The only thing in this world that is mine is my body and my animals and the relationships I have with my friends. I'm going to call Pizza hut right now. Ive been trying to fucking get this interview scheduled and they keep being little bitches over the phone. Not this time. I wont let it happen. "oh were in a lunch rush" dude. no. Fuck off. lol. Not this time. BRB. ya okay same old shit.. OH the hiring manager isnt here. Okay I understand but why dont you ACTUALLY give them my name and number and HAVE them call me. I know I know I will call the HIRING MANAGER on monday. See? its just a let down. I will call monday and demand an interview. I am more than qualified for your dumb job. anyway.. I know my friends and family will always be around to help me out. But I am a very stubborn person and have always wanted to do things my way and on my own. asking for help is something that I hold as a last resort. In the situation im in I am at my last resort time. It takes money to make money. money for the gas- to go to work- to get the money- for the gas- to get to work. Thats a 2 week process in itself. once I get past that threshold Ill be more self-sustaining. GGaaah! Please.. UNIVERSE! Im begging you!! Give me a job! Please please please please please! I need to get back ontop of it all. Hold out hope... hold out hope... crunching gears inside me trying to keep that train moving. GO. keep the rusty gears going. Keep swimming like Dory says. I feel like im trying to keep swimming but im in a puddle barely sustaining life itself. Gasps of water into my drying gills every couple seconds. All the while "hold out hope, just keep swimming" goes through my head like a mantra. I go from being super hopeful and positive to super hopeless and negative. Sometimes I'm just on this mid-line pergatory where I dont know how to feel or how I should feel. I know that a lot of people deal with hardships like me. Usually just pushing all their feelings down day to day thinking.. eh ill figure it out. Somethings got to give in for me. things will be different and get better soon. This isnt the end of the world. Im not dieing.. yet. But there are times where no matter what your troubles.. you cannot just push it down anymore. You have to sit there and stare into the eyes of a skull and think.. things are going bad. This isnt how it should be. I shouldnt feel like this. Something is wrong in this equation because its not equaling out right. So here I sit. In my familiar place where Ive faced a lot of things in life. In the garage. (wow a disc replay commercial just came on the radio.. how ironic... fuck u guyz lol). Ive dealt with sooo much in this garage. Most of my epiphanies have happened in here. Most of my hardships. At least in my adult life. And when I wasnt in Terre Haute. Always staring at stuff in here. Listening to the radio. Smoking cigarettes. Drinking. Thinking. [insert link to In The Garage by Weezer here] I cant even explain the range of feelings Ive felt in this garage. Love, lust, loss, depression, happiness, worry, anxiety, calmness, anger, thoughtfulness, perceptiveness, desire, turmoil, empathy, regret, sickness, healthiness, Ive felt hot and cold, bad and good, and at the end of the day when I sit here. It feels so familiar. It could be anywhere. but in this little box on the planet is where all these things have opened up like a bud. So many conversations with friends, on the phone, in person. Oh so very telling and depending on if there was snow, dead leaves, flowers, or sun outside the dynamic would change ever so slightly. And as friends have come and gone, people have died or were born, this has been a constant place for me for the last eight years. After I caught a big fish, built a snow fort, or made a drunken dancing video to missy elliot this place stayed the same and was always here. I feel like im confessing a love affair between me and my garage right now.. but I wanted to express my gratitude to these four walls which I believe have absorbed a lot of the things I am talking about right now. I remember when I first started to dwell in this garage. I was still drinking and smoking on the down-low. Didnt want my mom to know. I would listen to the radio and write just like Im doing now except it was often in a notebook. Its the only way for me gain solace in my life sometimes. Love often drove me to worry as I listened to deftones, linkin park, or staind or anything that came on x-103. Id just scribble on page after page I would stop caring if it was legible... That shear fact that id stop caring in general was all I wanted. I wanted to release all my cares into a song or a feeling or a writing. What do I want? who do i need? who AM I ? Sometimes I never know. I dont know things alot. as much as Id like to believe I have every little thing under control.. I never have it all. this isnt to say that its a negative thing. Sometimes you simply cannot wrangle every little thing into a place you think it belongs. often things are flying like kites with brittle strings. they break off and float out of bounds yet still connected just not within reach. Its definitely angering at times. you think.. why cant i keep my shit in check? but if you think about it. maybe it was never "your shit". I really think its better to not stress over things that blow away. Youre in a spot you let shit fly and it ends up gaining its own separate current without you. You cant always be strong enough to keep everything where you want it. It doesnt work that way, you cant control everything. HELL sometimes you cant control anything. and I know how that feels. shit. right now I could still be walking on the side of the road away from my broken down car. holding up my thumb trying to get home. you cant hold everything down with a thumb tac or a bad attitude. things will happen and ya you probably could have avoided some things but I think things happen for a reason. Maybe to teach you that you in fact are not in control. That things are or arent just black and white. Reppercutions.. actions that lead to situations that you have to handle. Its all apart of one thing. you... its you. hah. I mean you make choices.. and theres always a second and third happening. In my case.. it makes me feel like im unintelligent when I make a choice and it causes something bad. Ex. If I were to have to walk home today.. my mind would have been full of .. "well thats because I didnt have enough gas" Well why didnt I? because I didnt have the money. Why didnt I? because I dont have a job. Why dont I have a job? because Im an irresponsible entitled person. I act like the world will bend to my whim when it doesnt work that way. When weve all got the same probability of things going our way. Why should I think I'm any different? why? because of all those times I made it home when my gas tank was below E? what about those times when I didnt get so lucky? that time my car stopped on a highway and I was late to work and I got fired? Its just this numbers game in my head. Will it be okay or not. I never know but my brain urges me to believe yes. youll be okay. and when im not i think well.. It was about a 50/50 that this would happen and I knew that deep down.. so I cant really be too mad right? lets just walk a few miles and get what i deserve. meanwhile I think about everything I could have done that wouldve lead to a different outcome. ya hmm. maybe if i had a job.. id have gas in my tank.. and this wouldnt have happened. maybe..hmm just maybe..? You know when you drive down a highway and you see a person walking it? You can gaurantee that that person is thinking... how could I have avoided this? That person is me that person is you. Walking on the grass on the side of the road.. looking at all the trash people discard from their car windows. Really slows your mind down when youre walking where you normally drive through. You see people zoom by who will get to their destinations on time. Who had the money and intellect to just buy some gas. We all have our days when were in the gutter. When I have mine, it forces me to slow down.. to really look at my life. Why did this happen.... why am I stuck and fucked like this again. Even though I magically made it home today on my below E tank I still see this as a wake-up call. It brings me back to the times when I didnt make it home. I felt like a lost dog. and ya I know.. poor me.. first world problems. Oh man Leigha had to walk 5 miles to get home because she ran out of gas in the automobile that she has available for her to drive 24-7 usually. And dangg. she even had a full meal before this walk.. poor her. I know I know. Its totally crap. Its not like I almost died or was starving and in a desert left to die. In reality, on this planet I am lucky. I am a lucky person. But to say that we still dont have our problems would be to say that anyone with a roof over their head was flawless. It makes me realize that yeah, first world problems are nothing to those in third world countries. But I shouldnt feel invalidated if I have room to improve my life. Everyone in this world has room to improve their lives. I am not solitary in this one bit. in fact I feel like I am unaware of tons and tons of stuff in life. Theres so many times when I just simply dont know something. Makes me feel like I dont know anything about anything sometimes haha. its like "oh you didnt know about this?!?!" uhhh no I didnt. Should I have? Woops? am I squandering my priveledge to learn about things I should know about? When it comes down to it. I am never done learning. I am never done growing as a person. I am so ignorant to so many things simply because I have never been exposed to them. I cant walk the earth acting like I have a grasp on everything when I dont. I dont know what anyone else goes through day to day around the world.. I cant compare my life to anyone elses if I've only lived my own separate life. I can relate to people of course but I do not think that anyone can fully understand how something feels unless it happens to them. sure ill say "oh yeah Ive felt that before" or "I felt like that when... etc etc" but I dont know how it feels through someone elses eyes, in someone elses shoes. What Im trying to say is that I have had some really really hard times. Personally I feel that they are HARD TIMES. For me and maybe me only. Maybe others would look at these "hard times" and laugh and say "HAHAH you think thats hard?". But that being said this is how I feel and it cannot be undermined by anyone. Beyond all these technicalities that I decided had to be stated, right now I feel as though I have entered the abyss. I feel like Im in a place that is neither here nor there. I am a real nowhere man who has no real nowhere plans. I used to want to get a tattoo that was the symbol for "nobody". It was a onyx or something I dont remember the spelling. For a long time I thought I was nobody. I thought I would just bend to the whim of anything or anyone. And at the time, I thought that was just me. Me was nobody since I felt like everybody but nobody at the same time. Then I thought.. hmm I dont think I should get this tattoo because what if someday I become somebody. And im glad that I didnt get that tattoo because I AM somebody. I guess there are sometimes that my past self is right about how my future self will feel. I feel like everyone is usually thinking about the future. How they will be, where they will live, what they'll be doing and who theyll be doing IT with (bow-chicka). And do you know what I think? I think that everyones present self is the best link to that future self. OBVIOUSLY. but think about it like this. You .. RIGHT NOW.. can have a serious effect on your future self. Not just with succeeding and blah blah blah boring shit like that. Listen. About 6 or 7 years ago I made a video of myself talking to my future self. I completely forgot about that video. I came across that video one day and HEY it was ME! I didnt remember it AT ALL. and as I watched it it really really felt like my past self was talking to me. it was SURREAL AS FUCK. and on point! Ever since that day I have been making videos to my future self. Even stating in the video that I know Im going to just be drunkenly watching this video. Which usually is also on point! hah. But I strongly suggest that more people do the same thing. maybe just check in with your future self every now and then and say hey. what the fuck is up?! I hope you arent broke as shit and running out of gas. haha. its actually pretty comical the stuff youll begin to find your past self saying to you. I think documenting your life is a really good thing. You can learn so much just by sifting through your past experiences that youve written down or video taped. Right now for instance I feel like I need some guidance. So I think I will revisit some of my past selfs videos and make another one. You talk about how youre doing and how youve fucked up and tell your future self about all of it. Then in a year or two guess whos giving you pointers? YOU! haha its really actually hilarious. who'd of thought that it would be what you said to yourself 2 years ago that would set your world straight. I think I should go revisit my videos now. I need some guidance. :D In other news. not doing so well right now. This writing has definitely helped. Leigha Horvath- Signing off. ;*