#you shouldn’t be engaging with these people they’re not gonna suddenly change their ways or feel embarrassed

[beebmo]

i know people love to #own the transphobes or whatever but you all have got to stop putting untagged transphobia on people’s dashes. i don’t care how funny you think it is i really don’t want to be jumpscared by screenshots transphobes going ‘uhhm if you have a vagina ur a womann’ followed by pictures of burly trans guys. it’s really never even that funny

[newronantic]

HAIKYUU!! FICS

so this is mostly gonna be for myself to keep track of my favorite fics i’ve read, but hey if anyone else wants to check some of these out then thats great

MHA one is up!!

ill keep updating this as i read more, feel free to send me suggestions!

KageHina

plain as day - emleewrites

In which Hinata has spent the better part of the last twenty years putting his heart and soul into volleyball, hoping to be recognised, to be noticed. And yet he spends all these years also thinking of himself as rather plain, beyond his lack of height and bright hair, and not really noticeable at all.

In Transit - Mysecretfanmoments

Hinata finds that he likes standing close to Kageyama on buses and trains. It doesn't mean anything--probably. Maybe.

I like the way your clothes smell - Mysecretfanmoments

Power outages, ghost stories, and the presence of a certain orange-haired boy lead to bad decision-making on Tobio's part. He'd planned to keep his crush a secret; the universe has other plans.

Chaotic Neutral - akaraka

Who's this Kageyama person on twitter and is he gay?

1: Anonymous: see title

2: Anonymous: curry king

3: Anonymous >> 1: It's the curry king, obviously. Have you been using his memes this whole time without knowing who he was?

4: Anonymous: 1) Hinata Shouyou's boyfriend 2) See above

jellyfish - mysterytwin

At the beginning of his last year at Karasuno High School, Hinata Shouyou starts a list and calls it THINGS TO DO BEFORE GRADUATION, all with high hopes that he’ll be able to complete it before his time runs out.

TsukkiYama

Try This On For Size - CloudMonsta

A lot changed for Yamaguchi Tadashi over the course of high school. He started trying on dresses, for one.

The Great Yamaguchi-Tsukishima Split (Capitalization Necessary) - WyYeuw

"But no, the current situation isn’t normal. This situation requires the full attention of the team.

No, what’s really concerning this time around, is that Yamaguchi is the one ignoring Tsukishima.”

Yamaguchi confesses. Tsukishima fucks up—like, really fucks up. The volleyball club notices and loses a week’s worth of practice.

IwaOi

Terrarium - sausaged

He's practically a professional at being proactive (lies, lies, and lies when it comes to Iwaizumi).

At this point, is he really happy with just staying best friends forever? Will he be writing journals and collecting rocks forever (he will, he knows, but that is aside from the point)?

Can he really tag his Instagram photos with #YOLO if he doesn't actually put that phrase into practice?

A story about Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime, plants, and rocks.

They Say it Rain Diamonds on Jupiter - exsao

"You're in love with him."

Hajime considers denying it. He considers deliberately choking on his drink to express surprise, to create a distraction by spitting onto the man in front of him's pristine white shirt and causing a commotion. Instead, he swallows his mouthful of soda and heaves a small sigh once his mouth is free.

"Yeah," he says instead.

He's never been good at lying, anyway.

bait and switch - Stylographic_Blue_Rhapsody

Oikawa's university volleyball team knows he's in a long-distance relationship with someone from high school. They imagine a sweet-faced girl that matches his sarcasm with patience. They are so incredibly wrong.

my heart is where it’s always been - foreverautumn

Iwaizumi places his phone down carefully.

Oikawa. Pining after someone. There’s no way.

(Iwaizumi knows he shouldn’t care who Oikawa might have feelings for, but within the span of three days, it’s somehow the only thing he can think about.)

KuroKen

Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life - todxrxki

Kuroo Tetsurou runs a private Twitter account where he's constantly tweeting about how desperately in love he is with Kozume Kenma. Little does he know that Kenma sees all the tweets and keeps referencing the account in an attempt to get Kuroo to confess to him. / Or, five times Kuroo didn't notice Kenma hinting about his private Twitter account, and one time he finally did.

the things that get caught in the valves of his heart - ghostpot

Emotional competency is not exactly Kuroo's strong suit. Kenma finds it quite amusing.

Accidentally In Love - todxrxki

Kuroo frowns, but then slowly, the corners of his mouth lift up into a smirk. "Well, if it's so unbelievable, why don't we give it a try?"

Kenma glances up at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Let's do the 36 questions to fall in love," Kuroo says, still smirking stupidly. "If we don't fall in love, then you're right, it's bullshit. But if we do somehow..." Kuroo waggles his eyebrows. "Then I win." / Kuroo decides he and Kenma should do the 36 questions to fall in love as a joke, but they both start to realize they might actually be in love already.

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) - cosmogony

TW: major character death

Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives

even if you’re ahead for a bit, i will catch up - ghostpot

Kuroo first confesses when they're sticky-fingered, wide-eyed kids, and subsequently every day after that. Kenma takes a while to come around.

you’re the brake lines failing (as my car swerves off the freeway) - ghostpot

Kenma thinks that Kuroo looks ugly with his head bent against the arm of the couch like that. Then Kenma thinks that he wants to marry him, and is promptly thrown into the 5 stages of grief.

teach me the way home - icespyders

“Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because —

because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is long

and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station

when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.”

Kuroo and Kenma grow up in transit.

in this universe - crossbelladonna

Living with Kuroo is sometimes, just like this. It always feels surreal like he's living half a world and a lot of things rush by too quickly. Kenma feels like he'd watched him come and go in a blink, eyes wide and wordless as the shared space went snug in an instant and far larger in the next.

All this, and a glass of water.

Beginning’s End - todxrxki

Somehow over the course of Kenma's lifetime, he’s never really had an opportunity to miss Kuroo. He’s always been there. Even when they went to different schools, Kuroo would meet him afterwards so they could walk home together, shoulders brushing, Kuroo occasionally taking the opportunity to guide him when his nose was buried in the newest video game. The thought of Kuroo not being there anymore is uncomfortable, to say the least. / Kozume Kenma's third year and the changes the year brings in himself and his relationship with Kuroo Tetsurou.

All I Want for Christmas is You - todxrxki

“Kuro,” he says. “You’re a single guy.”

“Yeah, great, thanks for pointing that out.”

“And my parents already know you, plus they already know you like guys or whatever so… what if you pretended to be my date for Christmas dinner?” / In which Kenma recruits his housemate and best friend Kuroo to be his fake date for Christmas.

BokuAka

just to miss the sun - rosevtea

Everything begins to implode when MSBY Jackals outside hitter Bokuto Koutarou crashes Akaashi's livestream.

Operation BokuAka - kazzydolyn

After spending two whole years watching Bokuto and Akaashi pine for one another, the rest of the Fukuroudani Volleyball Club has had enough. When everyone meets up for a reunion dinner, the team decides to play matchmaker and finally get the two of them together. Unfortunately, their plan starts to fall apart when they discover that Akaashi is already dating someone. And apparently so is Bokuto. What a strange coincidence.

bitter - silvercistern

He accepted his classmate's chocolates gracefully, then declared his lack of interest with as much dignity as he could muster. She deserved the courtesy. At least she'd acknowledged that Valentine's Day was all about her, and not about him in the slightest.

Because if any of these girls had taken the time to actually get to know him, they’d quickly realize something even more important than his lack of interest in girls.

And that was that Akaashi hated sweets.

In Another Life - LittleLuxray

TW: major character death

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

120% yes - pissedofsandwich

TOKYO FRANCHISE COMING SOON @OnigiriMiya

in reply to @bokkun_official 

Congratulations! In celebration of your historic engagement, please DM us so we can send you a free membership code with a 25% discount on every fourth purchase!

Kissing Ace - karasunovolleygays

It happens right after training camp.

Akaashi Keiji has a secret he has guarded since he was a child. He won’t go so far as to call it a fear, but more of an aspect of himself of which he is horribly mortified. No one on the team knows about it, and Akaashi does his best to keep it that way.

But years of dodging hugs and casual contact come to naught in the blink of an eye and the swipe of a hand.

daisy rings and frivolous things (i am deliriously in love with you) - gabstar

Akaashi Keiji is in love. Bokuto Koutarou is a star. Everyone on Fukurodani has a gambling problem.

SakuAtsu

The MSBY Black Jackals Read Thirst Tweets - isaksara (syailendra)

Sakusa’s eyes are very dark naturally, sucking in all surrounding rays of light and crushing them in his pupils. For an athlete, he is rather pale. His lips look very pink in comparison. Atsumu is suddenly catastrophically aware that in this instance, ‘accent’ is a euphemism. “Good enough for your Olympic-size ego, Miya?”

(In which Atsumu realizes that he is attracted to Sakusa Kiyoomi in the most inconvenient way possible.)

A Liar’s Truth - internetpistol

In which Sakusa Kiyoomi is raised to believe that gay people go to hell but then takes one look at Miya Atsumu and thinks, then why the hell did God make them so fucking hot?

[mcwriting]

Just Friends

sooooo... I know I've said I don't write smut, but I will write *barely* sfw stuff if I'm in the mood :)

College AU because that's my current aesthetic lol. Not explicit but defo spicier than what I normally write

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 2078

Warnings: light language, alcohol consumption, implied (consensual) sex

✧

The music was loud with a deep bass, reverberating through your spine as you carried a half-drank solo cup of indiscriminate alcohol and red fruit punch.

"Tom. I'm not feeling it tonight," you basically yelled to your best friend, a proud member of the fraternity whose basement you were in. "This just doesn't hit like it used to."

You were both going into your senior year of college, having been friends ever since your freshman dorm rooms ended up right next to each others.

Now that you and your friends were all legal, going to the frathouse instead of a bar just seemed unnecessary. The only reason you were really there was because Tom and his best friend Harrison were officers and had to live in-house.

Tom had only had a couple beers within the past hour, trying to stay steady with you, though you weren't even experiencing a light buzz.

He wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you close to lean down to your ear.

"Whadd'ya want to do then?" he asked.

"Can we just go back to my place? We've got some alcohol in the apartment," you answered. He nodded. "Let's go find Emily first, make sure she doesn't want a ride, too."

You both made your way around, finally seeing your roommate and Harrison making out in one corner of the room, one hand holding a red solo cup and the other cupping his face.

You rolled your eyes and grabbed her shoulder, pulling them apart.

"Heeeeyyy. What are you two up to?" she asked, turning around and pressing her back up against the blonde who then wrapped both arms around her stomach, resting a chin on her shoulder.

"We're gonna go drink at the apartment, " you called, trying to get her to hear over the music. "Do you want to go in the uber with us?"

She shook her head.

"Nah, I think I'll stay here if Haz is cool with it."

"You know I'm always cool with you staying over," he added, spinning her around.

"Okay, well then you two know the drill," you started, "if you even think about taking advantage of her I'll-"

"You'll cut my dick off," he finished, "yeah, yeah, I know. I would never, I swear."

Harrison put a hand over his heart for good measure.

Your stern look turned to a grin.

"Alright you two, stay safe and all that jazz. See you tomorrow."

You were waving bye when Emily called out behind you,

"Don't forget to use condoms!"

You blushed like mad, and Tom did, too.

You were just friends, after all. Only friends.

Both of you went through the rest of the house in silence, going outside to wait for your driver. You crossed your arms in frustration over your chest.

"I can't believe Emily would try to embarrass us like that! She knows we're just friends! Now that whole party thinks we left to hook up."

"Come on, y/n. The music was too loud. If anyone heard it was like two other people and they're freshman. Who cares what they think?"

You laughed at his response as he squeezed your side again, trying to get you to loosen up and smile again. You couldn't help but comply as the driver pulled up.

✧

Tom was hunched over looking through your fridge when you exited your bedroom, having already removed any makeup and changed into sweats.

He stood up when he heard you.

"What all do you want to- is that my shirt?"

You looked down, then shrugged.

"Huh. Guess so. You can have it back if you want it," you said, starting to pull up up over your sports bra when he stopped you.

"No, no. It's fine. Looks better on you anyways," he quipped, shutting the fridge door. You couldn't help but smile at that last comment as you pulled it back down. "Speaking of clothes of mine, do you still have my grey sweats?"

It wasn't long before he had changed as well, wearing the pants he'd left from the last time and one of your XL sweatshirts.

"Are you sure this sweatshirt isn't mine, too?" he asked, tugging on it.

"Since when do you wear oversized sweatshirts, Tom?"

He paused and looked up.

"Oh, right. Never. Thanks for washing these pants for me."

It wasn't a strange occurrence for Tom to spend the night at your apartment, usually to get out of the frat house every so often. He typically took the couch or your air mattress and kept some clothes in your closet.

He hit his hands together, then rubbed them.

"Now that we've got that out of the way. What shall we drink?"

You were originally just going to finish a bottle of wine as you watched "The Wedding Planner" together on the couch, but then Tom discovered the bottles of tequila and vodka in the freezer during the scene where Mary gets drunk.

"Come on, babe. We've gotta do at least one shot. It would be way more entertaining."

"I can't imagine that either of us needs to be drunk to find JLo and Matthew McConaughey entertaining, but fine," you replied, getting up to pull out the shot glasses from the cabinet.

"I shouldn't have told you to look for the ice cream," you lamented, causing him to laugh.

About 20 minutes after a shot each, you were both curled up on the couch together, the alcohol hitting as the story was beginning to wrap up.

You felt a little awkward watching the characters confess their love for each other as you were leaning on Tom's side, his arms caressing you.

But you were just friends, right?

Yeah, but your drunk brain couldn't ignore the flashing sign inside that seemed to scream "but you're also kinda into him!"

And it was right.

You'd had subtle feelings for him since probably sophomore year, after having playfully hated each other throughout freshman year.

You liked to blame that sentiment on the fact that your beds had been against the same wall and you could often hear each other doing just about everything.

"I just don't get how people weren't more mad at her going after an engaged man!" Tom said, snapping you from your thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. But I mean she did try to avoid him for a while, I guess," you replied, not quite slurring but your words coming out just a little but slow.

Tom switched on a random TV channel after credits started rolling and shifted a bit, still holding you tight.

"You doing okay?" he asked. You nodded.

"Yeah, I think I'm already coming down. You were kind of right, though. Drunk watching gave me a whole new perspective."

"Oh yeah? and what's that?"

You could feel the vibrations in his chest as he spoke, making you close your eyes sleepily.

"Hmm. I'm not actually sure."

He laughed at your response and then you both fell into a comfortable silence, both of you relishing in each other's warmth.

After a little bit, you sat up, rubbing your eyes and stretching.

"You good?" he asked again.

"Yep, just gonna run to the bathroom real quick."

You stood up, taking slow steps. Your thoughts were no longer clouded but your coordination wasn't quite there yet.

By the time you returned, Tom had gotten you some water glasses and returned to the couch. This time, you laid down so you could rest your head in his lap and look at your phone as he stroked your hair.

After a while of scrolling through social media and showing Tom the occasional picture, you closed the phone and set it on your chest.

You looked up and Tom and wondered aloud,

"What do you think Em and Haz are up to now?"

"Is that really a question? Smashing."

You snorted.

"Gosh those two don't know how to keep their hands off of each other. I can't believe it took them so long to figure out they were into each other. 'Just friends' my ass."

Tom gave an awkward chuckle of his own.

"Hey, that's our line."

You could feel the tension in that response, not sure how to respond as you continued to study Tom's face.

"We should probably start getting ready for bed," he suggested. "I can start blowing up the air mattress if you wanna go brush your teeth and stuff."

You had sat up but stopped him.

"Wait... will you... do you want to just sleep in my bed tonight?"

"What? Then where will you sleep? On the couch?"

You were a little stunned at his oblivious answer.

"I- what? No. I meant... do you want to share the bed with me? It's plenty big for two people."

He eyes widened.

"Oh... oh! Okay I get it now. Uh, sure. As long as you're sure. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything."

"Tom, I mean it. I want you to," you plead.

You were eventually getting ready to crawl into bed when you faced Tom, sitting back against the mattress.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asked once again, making you grin. You reached up and pulled him into a hug.

"I promise, Tom. I really do."

You both pulled away just enough for your faces to be in front of each other, not even an inch apart. Your heart was racing, tension higher than ever between you.

It felt like forever staring at each other. You weren't really sure who moved first but suddenly your lips were crashing into each other's with a fiery passion, hands roaming each other's bodies for the first time like you were starved for touch.

Somehow you had flipped and made it onto the bed, you on top of Tom as you rode his leg.

It wasn't long before shirts were removed, too, and bare skin was against bare skin.

"Mmm... Where... um... condom?" Tom asked between kisses, both of you breathing heavily.

You paused and sat up, straddled over his hips, thinking. It had been a while since you'd needed one of those.

You slid off of him and went to the bathroom, reaching deep into the back of the sink cabinet, thankful to find that the box wasn't expired. When you stood up, you almost laughed at the way your face was flushed and hair unruly.

When you returned, Tom was sitting up looking at you, brows raised.

"So we really doing this?" he asked. You couldn't help but smile, thankful for his respectful nature.

"I am if you are."

It didn't take long to fall back onto the bed again, eventually tiring yourselves out and falling asleep pressed against one another.

✧

You walked out of your bedroom, hair still wet from a shower, looking to make some coffee.

As the first mug brewed, Emily came through the door.

"Oh, hey!" she looked around. "Did Tom head back already? I must've missed him. I guess he slept on the couch since I don't see the air mattress anywhere."

You were unsure of how to answer, pausing as you leaned back against the counter.

Once you finally figured out something to say, you were interrupted by Tom opening the bedroom door. His own hair was also still wet, and he held your bedsheets in a clump in his arms.

"Hey y/n do you want me to stick these in with any clothes or- oh hey Emily," he said, not registering the situation as he passed by her to put the bundle in the washing machine.

Emily, on the other hand, was standing frozen in shock. She looked at you, pointing towards Tom, then back at you, a hand then reaching up to cover her mouth.

"Oh my... I- did you two..?" her fingers wiggled back and forth between you two. You couldn't help but blush. "Holy shit, you did!"

Tom turned and walked to you with a maniacal grin, standing in front you as he reached past your body to grab the filled coffee cup.

"It's definitely possible," he answered her, leaning down to press a kiss on top of one of the hickeys he'd left on your neck.

"Finally! 'Just friends' my ass," she said, unknowingly paralleling your own comment about her. She was about to open her mouth again when you cut her off this time.

"Yes, Em. We used condoms. Now tell me if I've got any dicks to cut off."

✧

A/N: byeeee I don't know how to feel about this. On the one hand I'm pretty proud of it but also this is nothing like how I am as a person or how I usually write so I'm definitely out of my comfort zone here haha

Hope you all enjoyed though! If you did please leave a like or reply or something! I have more one shots similar to this in mind if anyone wants more like it!

Thanks for reading!

Send a message or ask if you’d like to be added to my permanent or series taglists so I can verify you’ve been added!

@jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @agentnataliahofferson, @spider-babe, @justafangirlduh

[ratinthedeadhouse]

Forbidden Love

My heart is devoted to the one I shouldn’t love...

Fyodor x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Trying to keep it fluff.

"... A demon you say?" You question with hesitation, pale face bearing a frown as you try to put all the puzzles together. "That man is the super ability user and a terrorist that Yokohama is so desperate to catch? The very man, I spent countless evenings going to museums and libraries with? The very man with his astonishing diamond brain had helped me solve several murder cases?"

Silence settled between you and other Special Division Forces agents who glared at you with fear or utter confusion.

Nobody knew of your accidental connection with Fyodor Dostoevsky, or simply known as Demon Fyodor, and it sure was a surprise to you when your (e/c) eyes noticed a familiar face on all the screens and papers in the office with a screaming title: 'Wanted Criminal. Terrorist. Fyodor Dostoevsky. Highest rank ability user. Ability unknown.'

You honestly had no idea who the mysterious slender man was when you first met him at the museum. He looked charmingly tired, sharp purple eyes looked deeply into your soul while you both stood, rather awkwardly, near a woodblock painting that depicted the suffering of young children and women. Their weak bodies engulfed by flames, others were drowning in the peaceful veil of water. Despite the horrible scenario the colours united in harmony making you both stare at it for longer than you should have.

"The choice of the colour pallet... It mocks their suffering" you stated after a while, rather talking to yourself but hoping, subconsciously, that a curious stranger with a funny white hat would respond to your comment. To your amusement he did.

"Mhm," he nodded at first, pinching his chin like philosophers do while thinking and then slowly added: "Maybe the painter wanted to tell us that not all sufferings are recognizable at first glance. I noticed when walking up to the painting, the bright colours made me think of happiness and kindness, however, now that we stand closer to it we see that their very souls are in terrible agony" Fyodor's voice was soft like moonlight rays with a gentle touch of a foreign accent.

"I suppose... It depicts life itself. We never know how much one suffers due to the façade they’re putting" you said with a sad smile. At this very moment you looked delightful, Fyodor found a strange pleasure in watching your serious face merging into a saddened frown. And oh, he did it on purpose. He could've chosen a less explicit interpretation of the absurd painting but in his calculated mind he knew that this version would strike you the most... And he was right.

You still didn't move from the tiny painting, twirling a strand of your silky, (h/c) hair around your finger, beautiful eyes glued to the painting but your thoughts wandered far away. 

It took one glance from Fyodor to understand your entire being, no matter how complicated you think of yourself - to him you are an open book, and he could not resist the urge to live the faint mark on one of those innocent, white pages. 

“I apologize if my interpretations upset you, miss...” started Fyodor with a polite smile curving upon his frail face, but was interrupted by your sudden enthusiastic reply:

“Oh, please don’t apologize. One is a fool if they are not moved or hurt by art” your voice was gentle and soft and Fyodor couldn’t help but love your words. 

Perhaps you two were more similar than he thought at first. In any case, enchanted by your watchful careful eyes, your smile and graceful movements of your hands, your speech and voice - he couldn’t just let you go like that, out of his sight. 

A man tilted his head sideways a little, looking pleasantly amused, letting his dark locks fall upon his cheek, gently. “It seems that I found a charming lady who shares a similar view on things with me” something bittersweet hid in his words but it didn’t matter to you. 

With a small, delightful laugh you move your right hand forward: “My name is, (y/n). A pleasure to meet you” 

Expecting a handshake you watched as the man in a long dark cape came closer, gently grabbed your pale small hand and softly kissed the back of your hand;

“A beautiful name for a beautiful lady” he murmured watching how your pupils dilate. “My name is Fyodor. Would you agree to spend the rest of the evening in my company?”

Walking around with a stranger whom you’ve just met seemed like a ridiculous idea... But you felt safe around him, although his eyes were dark as a bottomless well, you agreed but made a promise to yourself to stay on guard. However, he cast away all your suspicions in just a few hours. 

You became good friends, discussing ancient Myths and modern poetry embarked on philosophical journeys sitting in the dim corner of the library simply enjoying the presence of each other. He even played his cello for you under the mocking bright moon. His words and the depths of thought sometimes caught you off guard however, you were able to track his line of thoughts and in return challenged him with your endless and charming affection. 

Fyodor never learnt what the word love truly meant. He could explain its psychological and physiological effect but never experienced it himself. He was in absolute control over his feelings and that is why he felt confused when you would meet him with a bright, loving smile that changed into a slightly concerned frown when you noticed dark eye-bags on his face. Why did you notice it? Why did you care? Who gave you the power to capture his heart so suddenly and so... wrongly? 

For the first time in a long while, Dostoevsky felt as if he made a dreadful mistake. At first, he thought of you as a pawn. Easy to move and easy to get rid of. But you reminded him of himself... yet you were so much better! Despite your intellect and wittiness, you had a warm, loving heart, that even accepted a demon like him. It all changed when you finally opened up to him about your placement of work. That’s when he realised how forbidden your relationship would be. Soon you would find out anyway about his identity, his goals and... it would wound you. Deeply. 

Soon he stopped coming to the museum where you two would usually meet. You remember that day. You took his favourite tea from the shop and held it in your cold hands while the hot drink burnt your fingers. 

‘He will never come again’

You felt as if you lost a piece of your heart. But you never cried about it and kept all the memories of the mysterious man named Fyodor close to your heart, or rather what was left of your heart. 

But now it all makes sense. The puzzle is complete. You stand in the room full of your colleagues who proceed to glare at you in silent amusement and your heart leapt in ecstasy. The adrenaline rushed through your blood as your cheeks turned red - you felt like the main character of your own story, engaged in a forbidden relationship with the demon himself. 

You didn’t care about the consequences but on entering the Special Prison for the restrained Ability Users, shadows of doubt crept within your heart. 

“Please wait here, ma’am. You sure you want to interrogate him?”

“Yes” 

“In terms of emergency, we won’t be able to assist you immediately... ” 

“I understand”

The heavy door was shut behind you, a metal desk was drilled into the floor and so were the chairs. No windows - just solid rock walls that reminded you of a medieval dungeon, except there were no cracks at all. Finally, you heard footsteps and another door before you was opened. 

“Good afternoon, Fyodor,” you said in a strict tone trying to hide your excitement as much as you could. 

His lilac eyes widened in surprise, thin lips parted as he watched you right there before him. In his head, he tried to process why you came out of your way to see him? Did he not abandon you back then? Did you not realise what a hateful creature he was? 

“(Y/n)... Why are you here?” he questioned curiously. 

You were now completely alone in the interrogation - underground cell. He watched you come closer to him with a soft smile looking with kindness into his soulless eyes... 

“Why, you ask? Because I love you. That is the only concept you failed to fully understand. Monsters have hearts as well, they just need to learn how to love” words fell softly from your rosy lips while Fyodor closed his eyes and chuckled to himself. 

“Talking to you is pure joy (y/n)! Love is the ultimate atonement of all human sins. Even a Devil needs someone to love him at the end of his immortal life...“

“... Angels did fight for Faust’s soul at the end, despite all his reckless deeds” you added referencing the work of a German poet, Goethe. 

Fyodor sighed. He reached his slender cold hand towards you and you grabbed it without hesitation. 

“Will you be... my angel, (y/n)?”

You nodded raising your bright eyes at him. A soft kiss was placed upon your forehead before he hugged you letting you bury your face in his shoulder. You were like a blooming flower in his deadly grip... but he would never hurt you. Ever. 

People say the forbidden fruit is sweet... But is it so for the forbidden love that burns like fire?

 lmao part 2 is gonna be saddddd (if I get the motivation to even write it) 

[ererokii]

Match made in Chemistry || Dabi

➳  Teacher Dabi “Touya Todoroki” x Teacher Fem Reader

Word Count: 2943 Warnings: modern au, light cursing Taglist: @shoutosteakettle​ @reddriot​ @todosweetheart​ @kingtamakimurder​ @byougen​ (dm me to be added!)

➳ Note: Hey @lirinstaalem​ ! I’m your secret santa! I really hope you enjoy this fic, Life! I know how much you love Dabi, and how much you HATE chemistry, so I made a lil sumn for this <3 and thank you so much @reddriot​ for betaing!

Students watch their English teacher sort through their graded timed essays from the day prior, humming softly to herself. A girl in the front zoned in on the diamond encrusted band resting on her teacher’s ring finger, and she gasped, not realizing that her teacher had just gotten married. 

“Ms. Y/LN!”

You halt your movements as you look up, eyebrows furrowed from the sudden outburst. “Is something the matter, Ashido?”

“Why didn’t you tell us you got married?!”

Murmurs arise from the other students as they suddenly shift their focus onto you and Ashido. 

“Oh you got married?! Congratulations!”

“I didn’t even know she was engaged...”

“Shut up, Kaminari. Of course someone gets engaged before getting married.”

“No need to be so rude, Bakugou!”

You stack the papers neatly before laying them flat on the desk. “Well,” you start off, leaning forward as your lips curl at the thought of your husband. “No one knew, except some of the teachers of course. It was a bit of a secret.”

“But love shouldn’t be a secret!” a girl with black hair chirps up, sighing in content. “Love is meant to be shown to the world! Everyone deserves a chance to show off their loved one!”

“You’re absolutely right, Yaoyorozu. But this was a mutual thing between my husband and I, for the better.”

“Is he a criminal or something?”

You scoff at your student’s words. “Of course he’s not a criminal. I’m just not ready to speak about him, that’s all.”

“...I bet it’s Mr. Todoroki huh?!”

You shake your head as you scratch the side of your head. “No, Uraraka. It’s not Mr. Todoroki.”

“It has to be!”

“And why do you think it is?”

“Well Ms. Y/LN, I’m sure we all noticed the way you guys act with each other. And he’s the chemistry teacher? It’s like it was a match made in heaven. You two obviously are very comfortable with each other!”

“M-Midoriya it’s not like that,” you stutter, internally cursing yourself out as you broke composure. “Besides, I hate chemistry.”

“Who hates chemistry?”

Shit. Perfect timing. 

You avert your gaze from the rambunctious teenagers, to the devil of the hour. “Hi, Mr. Todoroki. What do you need?”

The black haired man looks over at his students as he stands in front of your desk, back turned to them. “I ran out of staples. Can you give me some, Ms.Y/LN?” he asks with a sly smirk curling at his lips. “I promise to give you something in return.”

“It can’t be helped,” you sigh as you open a drawer, pulling a box of staples out as you handed it to him. “When are you going to buy your own supplies and stop leeching off of others?”

“Soon. Don’t you worry about it, I promise I’ll make you proud,” Touya teases as he takes the package from you. “I’ll see you in the teachers’ lounge.” His fingers graze across your knuckles before straightening himself up, saying goodbye to the students and walking out.

It’s quiet. A bit too quiet at the moment. You could feel your heart pumping as a jolt of nervousness suddenly hits your body. You knew that exchange was far from a normal teacher-to-teacher conversation. 

They’re gonna know, you think, chewing on the inside of her cheek as Ashido raises her hand, a smile on her lips.

“Y-Yes, Ashido?”

“What kind of exchange was that?! He’s into you!”

“And I’m married. Happily married, in fact!”

“Well can we see those pictures?” she chirps, gaining agreements from her classmates. 

“Yeah Ms. Y/LN! I bet the venue was really awesome!” Kirishima yells from the back, a bright smile on his face. 

“I do have a couple photos,” you mutter, scratching your chin in thought. “By myself of course. I won’t show the others just yet.”

Your eyes gaze across the class before stopping on a bi-colored boy, staring into his cerulean orbs. 

Todoroki stares at you with a stoic look upon his face, messing with the click of his blue pen. He knows exactly why you’re avoiding all these questions but to be honest— he’s glad you’re doing this. A sense of relief washes over the both of you. 

The ding of the bell circulates the entire building as the shuffling of students and loud chatter come alive. Scraping of the chairs abruptly bump into the desk as the teenagers file out of class, happy that class is finally over. 

A pleased sigh leaves your lips as you grab your class keys, making your way out of your classroom. After locking your room, you walk down the hallway, passing by multiple students on your way to the teachers’ lounge. 

School had begun last week after winter break, but you returned to school this week. The school was generous enough to grant you two more extra weeks off. And of course, you and your husband used the time wisely. 

Mrs. Todoroki. You loved the sound of that. 

You push open the door to the restricted areas and close it behind you, not seeing anyone in the area. 

“Hello?” you call out cautiously as you walk in, glancing around as you make a beeline for the coffeemaker. “Is anyone there?”

As if on cue, Touya emerges from around the corner of the room, a playful smile on his lips. “Fancy seeing you here, doll.”

You hum in return as you approach him, slithering your arms around his chest. “You as well.”

“So I take it the students are curious?” he gets right to the point—there isn’t a way to beat around the bush with the many questions the kids are asking, especially if they think it's their chemistry teacher. 

“Very curious,” you mutter as you look up at him. “Ashido kept asking about it, Yayaorozu kept saying how love shouldn’t be hidden.”

“I heard they were asking for photos as well. Why don’t you show them?”

“Are you crazy?” you ask with a huff as you pinch his side, feeling nothing but clothing underneath your fingertips. “Do you know how crazy my class will be if I say that?”

“Sounds like a you problem.”

“They’re also your students...”

“Well, that’s different,” he leans down and presses his lips against your forehead, lingering for a second before pulling away. “Plus they’re always trying to set you up with me.”

“Yeah, I know, even though I told them countless times that I hated Chemistry.”

“What if I could change your mind?” he whispers, tilting your chin up to face him. “Would you let me, Mrs. Todoroki?” His lips brush against yours, not daring to push any further. 

“I wouldn’t mind that,” your eyes flutter shut as you lean forward to press against him, only for him to pull back and make you stumble forward. “H-Hey!”

“Sorry, honey. School rules.” His smirk causes heat to rise to your face but ignites a subtle anger inside you. “Maybe when we get home.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

In the hallways, Touya hums to himself as he holds his papers to his chest, the keys jingling in his pocket. A tuft of red hair catches his eye and he lets out a laugh, ruffling his younger brother’s hair. “Why do you look like that?! What got you in a mood today?”

Shouto brushes his hand away from his head and stares up at him. “You guys are making it obvious.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Touya asks as he enters his empty classroom, turning the lights on as his brother trails from behind. There was still about ten minutes left of lunch, but most teachers were prepping their class for the next session.

“You know what I’m talking about. You guys promised you would keep it subtle at school. That exchange you two had earlier, made it seem like something was going on. The girls are devising a plan to get you guys together.”

“Well where is the problem with that?” `An eyebrow raises in curiosity as Touya sits down in his chair, clasping his hands on his desk. “It’s good no? Then we won’t have to hide anymore.”

“Don’t you think it’s weird if I’m calling my English teacher aunt instead of ‘Ms.’?”

“Well just don’t. Keep calling her by her maiden name.”

“It’s already bad that I’m related to you!”

“What, do you not like Y/N? Is that what this is about, Shouto? Do you not like my wife?” His piercing gaze causes a shiver to run down the younger boy’s back, not liking to be under his brother’s intense stare; especially if it was about his wife.

“No that’s not it. Of course I like her. She’s better than you in every aspect. I just don’t want people to know. That’s all.”

“So what you’re saying is, you don’t want us to interact like we aren’t married and ignore your classmates' attempts to get us together?”

“..yes that’s exactly what I want.”

“Too bad,” he simply states as he leans back in his chair, letting out a yawn as he glances down at his watch before glancing back up. “Now move along before I give you an F on this test just so dad can shit on you.”

A growl leaves the younger brother’s lips as he swiftly walks to his seat in the back of the science classroom and drops his bag, making his way out of the room.

Touya lets out a huff of air and grabs his phone from his pants. “Getting upset over something little,” he mutters, as the screen lights up and a smile forms on his lips. 

His lock screen is a photo of you in the snow in your years of dating. The sun was angled perfectly at your face as you reached up to catch some snowflakes that would melt in your hand. That day was the day Touya had asked you to marry him. 

Time flies by as the second warning bell rings, startling him from his thoughts. Saliva goes down the wrong way and he coughs abruptly into his hand, sitting straight up as his students walk into the room. As each teen walks past his desk, they give him a puzzled look and go on their way.

After a few moments of unnecessary coughing, Touya finally catches the attention of the class, immediately telling them the agenda for the day. Of course as usual, groans of protest are thrown into the air, but their teacher couldn’t care less. 

Group work is thrown around as kids pick out their team members; although he can already predict who is pairing up with who.

The girls all gather together as Bakugou, Kirishima, Sero and Kaminari group up. Being their teacher for so long, he has gotten the hang of every student’s attitude and who they work best with. 

“So like I was thinking, maybe you can ask Ms. Y/LN help for homework, and then I can ask him for help with something in her room! Or maybe or maybe you can sabotage something in her room and I can call him!” Ashido proudly explains her master plan, chin up in the air as a cheeky grin makes it way onto her face. “It’ll work!”

Her friends stare at her like she’s a genius, minus Jirou.

“Uh huh, and what if he sees right through your plan? Mr. Todoroki isn’t stupid either. Neither is Todoroki, he’ll probably just tell him right there. And then we’ll get in trouble. And she’s married.”

“You didn’t let me finish, Jirou! That’s why our lovely Yaoyorozu will be a distraction for Todoroki! Plus her and Mr. Todoroki are much cuter!”

“M-Me?!” Yaoyorozu gasps, looking up from her worksheet. “Why can’t Uraraka do it?!”

“Because she’s going to be getting Mr. Todoroki of course. Now keep your voice down before he hears us,” Ashido hisses, lowering her head. “It’ll work. It’s perfect.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

The plan is now in effect. School is finally over as the girls rush to the spots Ashido assigned to them. Will it work? Who knows.

Uraraka rushes down the hallway to the science room where Mr. Todoroki will be. She peeks her head inside the classroom and her blood goes cold.

The room is dark, as his belongings are gone.

“M-Mr. Todoroki?” she calls out as looks over her shoulder, before hesitantly walking into the room, rubbing her arms. She gulps and glances around the empty classroom, trying to find any clues as to where her teacher went. “Mr. Todoroki, M-Ms. Y/LN needs help!”

Still, she was met with silence.

Uraraka stays silent for a moment longer before a lightbulb turns on in her mind. “Shit,” she whispers as walks out of the room, her eyes widening when Todoroki is in front of her. “You scared me, Todoroki!”

“Why were you in there?” he asks, eyes narrowed in suspicion as he glances his classmate up and down. “Don’t you know that school ended ten minutes ago?”

Uraraka goes blank as she frantically wracks her brain for anything, something. She’ll take anything.

“Where is Yayaorozu?!” she blurts out of the blue, hands immediately going to her mouth.

Shit. She wasn’t supposed to say that. 

“Yayaorozu?” he asks with confusion evident in his voice as he raises an eyebrow. “Why would I know where she’s at?”

“S-She didn--”

“She didn’t what? What are you even talking about?”

“Where is your brother at?”

He mouths the words once more as his look of confusion changes to a cold stare. “Why do you need my brother?”

“Well you see uh-”

“Uraraka, abort the mission!” Ashido’s screech bounces off of the hallway walls as she sprints down the corridor, stopping in front of her classmates as she pants heavily, leaning over. “Don’t get Mr. Todor- Hi, Todoroki!”

“Can one of you tell me why you need him?”

“We can’t!” Uraraka and Ashido blurt in unison.

“Well...why can’t you? He’s my brother.”

It’s quiet amongst the students as Todoroki mutters things under his breath before he looks at his classmates. “..Yayaorozu is looking for Ms. Y/LN, isn’t she?”

Both girls stare at him with gaped mouths, blinking a couple times in shock.

Todoroki mutters a curse under his lips as he swiftly turns on his heels and marches down the hall, gripping the strap of his backpack.

Oblivious to the anxious teens and an unhappy boy, you stacked papers into their respective dividers as your husband hums to himself, going through the files in his bag.

“How was today?” you ask, breaking the silence as you glance over your shoulder.

“It was fine. Same as every other day. Except the girls were being somewhat weird today.”

“Oh?” That caught your attention.

“Mhm,” he confirms with a nod of his head as he takes his glasses off, staring into your eyes. “I heard them whispering and giggling and kept taking glances my way. I heard them bring up your name from time to time.”

“Is that so,” you mutter, looking down at your desk. “Must have been something else then.”

“Actually that’s not all.”

“Well how much is there, honey?” you laugh and sit down on your chair. “What else happened?”

“Shouto told me they’re trying to set us up.”

Set you up? Like prank you two?

Before you could speak, he interrupts your train of thought. “As in a relationship. They want us together.”

“Well that’s odd.”

“Also Shouto got upset because he said we were being too ‘obvious.’”

You roll your eyes at his words. Poor Shouto. He’s already embarrassed that his science teacher is his brother, and now that his aunt is his English teacher, that might even tortue the boy.

“Shouto is so skeptical. Tell him things will be okay.”

“Maybe you should tell him that. I’m sure he’ll love to hear it from his auntie.”

“Oh whatever, Touya.” You smile and pack up your things, him following suit. “They can’t get far. I think soon they’ll figure out we’re taken and won’t attempt anymore till we’re ready to tell them.”

Todoroki turns the corner with three girls trailing behind him. Of course each girl was nervous out of their mind. What would their teachers think if they found out they were being set up?

Especially if one is married?

The youngest Todoroki sibling approaches the english room, drowning their calls out for him. He reaches out to grab a hold of the knob but the door is opened by the person inside.

From the outside, it is obvious that they could hear your laugh and his chuckling. Your voices grow louder as you appear in the door frame, holding Touya’s hand in yours.

The three girls let out screams and cover their mouths, eyes open like a fish out of water. “You-”

“They-”

“MARRIED?!” Ashido shrieks, batting her eyelashes and wipes her eyes, making sure she saw what she saw. “You guys are together?!”

You let out a sheepish smile and looked down at your conjoined hands. “Yeah. We are. No point in hiding it now huh, Touya?”

He nods in agreement and pats Shouto on the head, ruffling his hair on purpose. “And we have to get this kid back home before our dad kicks my ass.”

“Will you show us your wedding photos now?!” Uraraka and Yayaorozu beg, a twinkle in their eyes.

You purse your lips at the thought before a defeated sigh slips your lips. “You know what, I will. And that’s all I’ll be doing tomorrow.”

“...wait, but this isn’t adding up,” Ashido adds quickly, scratching her chin in thought. “I thought you hated Chemistry.”

“Oh, I hate it with a passion. But Touya makes it much more bearable.”

[theresebelivett]

mmmmmmmm depression foggy days where nothing in the world is interesting, including and especially the things i normally love and want to engage with, aaaaaaaarrreeeee shittyyyyy i wanna write or read or watch or engage but who caaaaaaaares everything is boooorringgggg, i don’t wanna read fic or nona or watch movies or listen to podcasts or music or talk to anyone nothing is interesting and everything is just a haze love it, love feeling like i’m boring too cause a person with no interests is boring and i don’t wanna do things and is this because i went on a once in a lifetime vacation two weeks ago and spent so much of it overwhelmed and bored and feel such guilt guilt guilt for it, who goes to alaska and looks at mountains and so much beauty and is BORED, a fucking useless piece of shit who wastes money and her loved one’s time that’s who, i have nightmares that my cousin best friend won’t invite me to her wedding cause i’m too boring and depressed and can’t hang and don’t even have the decency to fake being fun by drinking constantly anymore, and who would ever want to be around or with someone who, on a good day, only finds very specific things interesting and so deeply prefers comfort to excitement and snores like a chainsaw and is so particular about her days and her temperature and her routine but at the same time has spent two weeks trying to work up the energy to go on a fucking target run and hates cooking and sees a single dish in the sink and gets so exhausted it stays there for weeks, who wants that person who has time or energy for that person, i don’t!! i don’t wanna be around me most of the time so why would anyone else!!!!!! it’s great!!! i’m not afraid that everyone in my life is going to suddenly realize this and go ‘yeeesh why do i even bother, the bitch hates spending money on gifts for birthdays she forgets and only ever wants to do a couple specific things and runs out of social battery so fucking quickly and is a VIRGIN in her THIRTIES and isn’t even all that interested in changing that and goes days without texting back, she’d be so easy to drop she wouldn’t even fight it’ apparently i needed to list off all my insecurities and get them out and cry at my desk at work huh, i’m gonna read this to my therapist later don’t worry just JESUS this has been sitting inside of me and i could not figure out how to get it out, like i know ppl say you can talk to them about anything but then you have to reach out to them and spill all the shit you find SO embarrassing, like having insecurities is EMBARRASSING, i’ve been in therapy for years shouldn’t i be over this shit by now, it’s so stupid and embarrassing to feel this way and i’ve got ppl in my life who make it WORSE but they’re part of the package deal of my family which contains people who make me so much better so i don’t know what to do and i’m just. tired. and i know rationally how much of this isn’t actually true, i know it, but fuccckkk some days i just need to put out there the rot that sits in my head all the time that i feel so stupid for believing and have it acknowledged that this is EXHAUSTING. it’s untrue and insecurities and blah blah blah blah platitudes blah blah blah but i haVE DEPRESSION and sometiems i don’t want things fixed i just want someone to say ‘dude yeah that sucks, that sounds exhausting and liek you’re having a shit time sometimes’ and YES. 

[mycatshuman]

Castle of Devils

Chapter 13: Remus is the Worst Wing Man

Last | Next | More

Tw: Remus being Remus, swearing

I have a more detailed note at the end, but I just wanted to apologize for how long in between the last update this was, I'm so sorry.

🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️

When Virgil got home, he found Janus rolling through the air whole clutching his stomach as his laughter rang out loudly. Virgil was still reeling from his encounter with Patton and he found himself freezing in the doorway as he stared at the ghost floating in his living room. He blinked. "What?" 

Janus turned to face the vampire, his laugh subdued to giggles. "You never told me-" he cut off once again in a fit of laughter made Virgil even more confused. 

"What? What's so funny?" 

"You never told me that you sparkled!" 

Virgil took a moment to process the sentence before his face dropped into the most annoyed expression anyone could muster. 

Janus crackled joyfully. "They said vampires fucking sparkled in the sun and now I can't stop thinking about you sparkling!" Virgil huffed as he moved to the kitchen and dropped the box of blood bags on the counter. He ignored Janus' loud laughter as he pulled out the blood bags and placed them in an opaque mini container in the back of the fridge. Once he finished he broke up the cardboard box that had been used to hold his blood bags and dropped it behind the recycling bin. Then he stayed quiet for a few moments. 

The ghosts' laughter still rang loudly and Virgil frowned. "Are you done yet?" He yelled. This only resulted in a new explosion of laughter as Janus looked at Virgil and imagined him sparkling all over again. Virgil groaned and let his face drop onto the counter. A thunk could be heard as his head made contact with the harsh surface but Virgil was too annoyed to care. "I should have never let you use my laptop." 

"No! No!" Janus laughed as he floated into the room, face still twisted in amusement as he fought to control his giggles. "I'm done now." 

The vampire mumbled into the counter, not even bothering to lift his head. "I met one of Roman's friends today." 

Janus's amused expression quickly slipped off his face as he moved closer to Virgil. "What happened? Is everything okay?" 

Virgil sighed and dragged himself back up into a standing position. "Yeah, he said his name is Patton and he actually was the blood supplier." The vampire nibbled at his lip anxiously. "He's, uh, planning to open a blood bank for vampires." 

Janus blinked. "What?" 

"Yeah. He's human, got a husband and they're both friends with Roman. Apparently he told them what happened." 

Janus suddenly grew very angry. "Well what the fuck! Why did he run when you told him?"

Virgil stared pointedly at the spirit in front of him. "Probably because Patton might not have told him. Or maybe it's because he saw me kill a man." 

Instantly, Janus's anger gave way to guilt. "I-" he swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I should have let you tell him." 

Virgil hummed. "Yeah, you shouldn't have done it but I don't think I would ever be able to work up the courage to tell him myself." The vampire yawned. "I forgive you. I'm going to bed now, see you tomorrow." 

Janus nodded faintly. He watched as Virgil climbed into the bed and crawled under the covers. Janus stayed there for a while after the vampire had fallen asleep until he heard a light knock on the door downstairs. The ghost frowned and sunk down through the floor and glided over to the door. He waited a few moments before he pushed his face through the door and yelped. Janus flung himself back through the door and placed a hand to his chest and took a deep breath to calm his nerves before he phased through the door with a scowl. "What are you doing here, Remus?"  

Remus had been standing creepily close to the door with a broad grin on his face and wide unblinking eyes when Janus looked out the door, scaring the crap out of the ghost. Now he was vibrating in place as he looked at Janus with a mischievous grin. "I have the best idea!" 

Janus raised an eyebrow. "Oh? You do, do you?" 

Remus nodded rapidly and grabbed Janus's form causing the other to gasp. Warmth spread across his being from Remus' hand. It was the first time in a long time that he had felt warmth. God, he craved it. 

Remus dragged Janus to his car and showed a poster board with hastily glued on pictures and messy words littering the surface. The human let go of Janus, missing the quiet whine the ghost let out at the loss of the warmth, and gestured to the display. "I call it operation date night! I'm going to convince Roman to invite Virgil over as a "apology dinner" so he can pretend to apologize and he'll make stuff with "super garlic" in it that will be sure to "kill" a vampire and then when he finds out that it's not killing Virgil, he'll be so mad that he shoves the table out of the way and engage in hot angry sex and then my brother will finally have been laid and I won't have to deal with his sexual frustration anymore!" 

Janus blinked. "I- what? Virgil isn't going to have sex with Roman so soon."

Remus frowned. "Damnit." He stayed silent for a few minutes and Janus found himself wanting to fix the disappointed look in the humans eyes. 

"But, that could actually work to get them to reconcile." 

Remus's eyes lit up. "Yes! And then I can bully them with sex jokes!" Janus bit his lip, both incredibly amused and slightly disturbed. Remus turned to Janus. "Thank you Janus the ghost with the best di-" 

"Remus!" Janus shrieked, flushing red, embarrassed. 

Remus cackled. "Anyway," he started once he settled down. "I'm gonna head home. I'll talk to Roman about it tomorrow. You just have to make sure Virgil accepts." Remus smacked his lips against the ghosts cheek before climbing into his car. "Once this is done, you better be ready for a storm of flirty from me!" And with that final sentence, Remus turned on the car and drove off into the night. 

Janus hovered over the ground for a moment before choosing to ignore that last bit. "I think it's a little unfair that he gets to convince Roman to have this thing while I'm stuck trying to convince an immovable rock to go to this dinner party." He let his head drop to his chest with a sigh before lifting his head up and turning back to the house. "I guess all I have to do now is to wait." 

---------

Roman was suspicious of his brother. Recently, he had been on his laptop laughing maniacally every hour as if he was plotting. Remus usually was plotting something but this one felt a little different. Normally, his brother would brag to him about his plans, but this one he was working on, he hadn't. Which meant it probably had something to do with him. 

It was a bit alarming. Remus's plots could range from mild inconvenience to complete and utter embarrassment. Neither of which was something Roman wanted to deal with at the moment. After all, he still had the vampire to worry about. 

Speaking of the vampire, as time went on and as often as Roman found himself left alone with his thoughts, he discovered his feelings concerning the vampire and the entire situation becoming more and more complex as time went on. In his mind, he knew vampires were dangerous and a threat to humans. But at the same time, his heart was crying for Virgil. For the creative little emo that had stolen his heart in under a month. 

And his heart knew, it knew that Virgil would never hurt him. Or anyone if he didn't have to. The Virgil he saw in that nightmare and the Virgil he had come to know were different people. Virgil had changed, that he knew. In his heart of course. Roman's heart truly knew that Virgil was a complex person and he knew that he was a good person. 

His mind, however, had other things to say. His mind knew of the capabilities of a vampire and its strength and its powers. His mind believed it knew all the facts there were to know about a vampire. In fact, Roman's mind was the reason he wasn't listening to his heart. It had suppressed his feelings so strongly that Roman was living in denial. 

Remus knew this, of course. It was one of the reasons why he was pushing so hard to get Virgil and Roman together. A reason that he told no one. He had a reputation to uphold after all. Thankfully, he would soon be taking care of it. At least that was his plan. 

-------------------

"Say, Roman?" Remus called out as he lounged upside down on the couch. 

Roman looked up from the book he was reading. It was the third book on vampires that week. The older of the two had taken to reading everything that had ever mentioned vampires in an attempt to find a way he could fight Virgil. It was a bit of a dramatic reaction but that was Roman for you. "Yeah?"

If you really want to kill Virgil-" Roman flinched but Remus pushed forward. He knew calling the vampire by his name would eventually make his brother see that it was still the man he fell for just with some enhanced abilities and a weird appetite. "Why don't you just take him on a date, pretend you've seen the error of your ways but order him something with a lot of garlic?"

Roman blinked. He had….never thought about that. He hummed thoughtfully. "I suppose that could work." 

"Or if you want you could just invite him over and make something with a lot of garlic. Then when he eats it, it'll weaken him and then you can stab him with a stake." 

Roman stared in horrific awe of his brother. "I can't believe something that would have horrified me before is so sensible now." He slouched in his chair and placed a hand over his face. "My brother is making sense, the world's gone mad." 

Remus chuckled. "Or if you want you can just get your freak on with Virgil instead of trying to kill him. Maybe you have a biting kink?" 

Roman flushed scarlet and threw his book at his brother. "SHUT UP YOU DEMON!" 

Remus only snorted as he slid down off the couch. "I'm just saying, it's an option." 

Roman only groaned in response.

----------

Roman had to admit his brother's idea was a pretty good one. The, inviting the vampire to dinner to poison him one, not the other one. It would hopefully lower the vampires' guard and maybe, just maybe, he could pull it off without the vampire noticing. 

So, without any other options, Roman set about making up a perfect dinner. Roasted garlic potatoes? Check! Chicken alfredo, rich with garlic seasoning? Check! Holy water for a drink? Check! And all that was left for him to do was to invite the vampire over, cook, and set up the scene. What could go wrong? 

🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️

Heyyyyy, so it's been a bit, a hot minute if you will, I'm sorry this is so short I just wanted to get something out and this has been just sitting in my drafts for months now. So i added a few sentences and here we go a short chapter but a chapter nonetheless I promise I'm trying to work on more. Thank you for reading and Happy first day of Halloween to those who celebrate it!

Taglist: @misery-killed-me @superwholocked-for-life @mirror2thespirit @aroundofapplesauce @lyditist @little-euro-girl @unicornofdarknessstuff @alias290 @odette-ssbu @ray-does-stuff

COD taglist: @kittycake574 @rainbow-Roman @icequeenoriginal @ilovemygaydad @comicsimpson @notalwaysthebadguy @iloveyatothemoonandback @hitmewiththatfanart33

[inactive-shroomiehomie]

Gone

Warnings: Major Character Death, looooots of angst, graphic descriptions, gun use, established relationship

Pairing: Rafael Barba x Reader

Summary: You find yourself in a hostage situation with a gun pointed straight at you.

Word Count: 3546

A/N: Please don't hurt me ! This killed my soul to write but I felt in the mood to write some angst. (gif not mine) I’m not crying you are.

It had been a little after midnight when you got the call from Amanda. Your suspect, Markus Bramble, in a child/spousal abuse case had pulled a gun on the mother and their two suspects at the hotel they were hiding in. Other guests had heard the gunshots and started to call 9-1-1. You tried your hardest not to wake Rafael as you got your clothes from the closet. You didn’t care to change your shirt since it was a t-shirt anyway. You grabbed your gun and badge and gave your loving fiancé a tender kiss on the back of his shoulder before bolting out of the house.

With your lights on, it didn’t take you long to arrive on the scene. It would have been a lot sooner if people would learn to pull over for an emergency vehicle, but that’s New York for you. You parked your car behind a mobile unit with your lights on and ran to find the team. SWAT, hostage negotiation, and even members of 1PP were on scene. Soon enough you spotted Carisi in the chaos. You flashed your badge to the uniform at the barrier and ran to him.

“Sonny!” You called, “Sonny, what’s the situation here?” When you finally got to him, you noticed Amanda and Fin were with him too. “Where’s Olivia?”

“Over there with the hostage negotiator.” Fin answered, shoving his finger behind him before handing you a vest. You nodded your head at him in thanks as you put it on.

“Markus tracked down his wife and kids. We have confirmed gunshots, but no one can get an eye on the room so we don’t know if anyone’s hurt.”

“And, he won’t answer the landline to the room either. So Liv is trying to convince them to let us go in there.” Amanda added.

“Fuck,” You cursed hands on your hips. “You don’t think he’d shoot his kids, would you?”

No one answered your question. Just a lot of dreadful looks. After a bit, Olivia finally came back over to you all. “We have- Great, (L/N) you made it.” You gave a tight-lipped smile to her before she continued, “Alright, we have the all-clear to go in. Now, (L/N), you were the lead on this case. You, Carisi, and Rollins will be heading in while Fin and I stay out here to control things from the outside.”

“What room?” You asked, taking your gun out of its holster.

“2E. Please remember,” Olivia started as the three of you prepared to head in, “Don’t do anything stupid.”

In single file formation, the three of you ran up the stairs to the right floor. Your heart was racing from a mix of adrenaline and not having enough sleep. You had your gun drawn at your side as you opened the stairwell door. You waved Sonny and Amanda to go ahead of you and sweep the rooms before your victims’. They ended up finding a couple of random civilians and quickly rushed them into the stairwell before pushing forward. When you came to the room, Amanda and you went to one side of the door frame while Sonny went to the other.

You gently hit against the door to alert Markus that you were outside.

“WHO IS IT?” He screamed, followed by barely audible whimpers.

“Markus, it’s Detective (Y/N) (L/N) from Special Victims, remember me?”

There was a slight pause and then a bullet burst through the wood of the door, causing splinters to fly everywhere. Amanda quickly radioed the team outside what happened and to hold.

“GO-GO AWAY!”

You took a couple of deep breathes and looked to your partners to check on them.

“Can’t do that, Markus. You got a gun and your family in there. Can you at least tell me if everyone’s okay?”

“Everyone’s fine damnit, now just FUCK off.” Markus paused, “I just wanna be left alone with my family. I want my family back.”

“Markus, you know, your kids are probably scared out of their minds right now. Now, why don’t you just send them out okay? Right now they see their daddy with a gun pointed at mommy and they don’t know what to think.”

There’s silence, nothing but the sound of soft sobbing coming from the other side of the door, His wife.

“C’mon Markus!” Carisi called out, “You give us somethin’, we give you somethin’.”

Son of a bitch.

“Who’s that?!” Markus yelled, you could hear a bunch of footsteps behind the door.

You sighed, “Detective Carisi. I have Detective Rollins out here as well.”

He lets out an aggravated yell, causing his children to let out yelps of fear. Another moment of silence.

“I send out my kids, you get them out of here. If I talk to anyone, it’s gonna be you. You’re the ONLY ONE who understood me.”

Sonny shook his head at you, mouthing ‘No’ and ‘Don’t’ You were half tempted to listen to him.

“Alright. Alright. Can you send out the kiddos first please, Markus?”

There was a lot of shuffling from behind the door before a little boy and girl stepped carefully from behind it, one by one. Immediately Sonny and Amanda holstered their guns and lead them down the hall. Amanda stopped for a moment and looked at you, “You better know what you’re doing. We’ll be in the stairwell.” You brushed her shoulder with your hand and they sped off with the kids.

“Markus, Markus they’re all gone now, Now can we talk about why you’re here?”

“I just...I just want my old life back! I don’t remember hurting my family! I just DON’T” Markus was crying now.

“Markus, you’re sick. You have a dissociative disorder and you need help. I’m sure your family will understand-”

“I’M NOT CRAZY!”

“Markus, I never said you were, okay? Your sick.”

Markus sobbed in the room, you chewed on your lip. You were running yourself into a dead end.

“Markus. Can you let your wife go for me?”

“Why? First my kids now her?! What more do you people want from me?”

“I want everyone to be able to see tomorrow. Even you. The second anyone downstairs hears a gunshot- mine or yours- they’re coming up here. I know you don’t want any of that to happen do you?”

“Markus please, liste-”

There was a loud smack followed by a thud.

“Damnit,” You whispered, “Take me, Markus. If you want everything to go your way, you’ll want to have a better bargaining chip than your wife, yeah?”

Markus started to talk to himself in the room. Soon, you heard his wife yelp and the door flung open. He threw her into the hallway and she rolled to the ground. You waved an empty hand at her, signaling for her to go. She didn’t even hesitate at your order, running as best as she could to freedom.

Markus left the door open for you to walk in. “Leave your gun out there. Vest too.” He mumbled. Sniffle.

You thought back to Olivia and Amanda’s words. Before you took your vest off, you looked down to the ring on your left hand, you pressed your lips to it, and walked in. Now free of protection, Markus aimed his pistol at you from across the room. Your arms were raised in the air, proving you didn’t have anything on you. He looked horrible. Hair stuck to his face from the sweat, his face puffy and red, and his clothes looked like he took them from a dumpster.

“Okay. Okay, it’s just me and you now, okay?”

He nodded a bit, not wanting to look directly at you.

“If I’m sick... Why punish me? Huh?” Markus wiped the tears and snot from his face, “Why take my family away and HIDE THEM from ME?!”

“Didn’t you see the bruises all over them? The cuts?”

“THAT WASN’T ME!” He sobbed, gun wavering in his hand. You flinched.

“I know!” You yelled back, “I know that wasn’t you, Markus!” You took a couple of steps forward.

“S-Stay back..!” Markus lurched forward, pointing his gun more steadily at you.

“I know you wouldn’t willingly hurt them.” You continued, taking a few more shaky steps. “I know what happened to you as a child.”

“NO!” More sobs. He brought both hands to his head and started smacking, but realized his mistake and stuttered the gun back in its place.

“How your Mom would be at work all night... How she would leave you with your dad... Markus the things he did to you are things no child should ever have to experience...”

Markus couldn’t even respond to you at this point with how hysterical he was. You finally got right in front of him. You carefully put your arms down and put your left hand out to him.

“Markus... Give me the gun.”

He shook his head as he stared at the floor.

“Markus...”

He started to raise his head but caught sight of your hand. He grabbed hold of it and flipped it over. His body was trembling, but he slowly stopped his sobs. Your breath caught in your throat as he took your hand.

“What are you doing?” You asked, glancing between him and you.

Markus gave a soft sarcastic chuckle, finally bringing himself to you. “You’re married? Aren’t you?”

“I-I’m engaged.”

“So... you-you get to have your happily ever after..” Markus sniffed hard, his demeanor turning more angry than sad. “While I get to rot... In the FUCKIN’ looney bin?!”

He tossed your hand aside harshly, throwing you off your balance.

“Markus, wait. Please, just put the gun down.” You begged, putting your hands back up like before.

“I shouldn’t have trusted you.”

“Markus, no-”

Everything froze for you. Your ears were ringing and your chest felt like it was a set ablaze. It started getting harder to breathe and your mouth tasted like old pennies. Your brought your hand to your chest and felt around before bringing it up to eye level. Blood. You started to lose your balance and stuttered backward, falling flat on your ass before landing against some piece of furniture.

You took in slow heavy breaths, your vision starting to get spotty. There was another loud ring and you saw Markus fall to the floor, almost in slow motion. You blinked and suddenly Sonny and Amanda were both at your side. They were yelling stuff at you, but your brain couldn’t get enough oxygen to focus on them.

“’ Man...’Manda...” You choked out, crimson red spilling past your lips.

Although your vision was blurred, you could tell Amanda was sobbing. Suddenly it all hit you. You finally realized what happen. You started shaking your head back and forth as best as you could.

“No-No..” You rasped, “Raf...”

Suddenly your eyelids began to grow heavy. You tried your best to keep them open, but tears were burning your eyes and you couldn’t hold back much longer. Before the world went cold, you felt Carisi smack you across the face and pleaded for you to stay awake.

-

Rafael grumbled as he rolled over in bed. He wanted so badly to ignore his phone ringing and to just snuggle you closer to him. He reached out for you in bed, only to open his eyes and see that your side of the bed was empty. He finally rubbed the sleep from his eyes and grabbed his phone off of the nightstand, not caring that he just ripped it off the charger.

Liv 22 missed calls

Liv Rafa, answer me.

Liv RAFAEL

Liv It’s (Y/N), something’s happened. NOW ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE

Rafael’s blood ran cold. Thankfully he wasn’t wearing anything other than boxers, because he would have run out in his pajamas. He threw on an old shirt and sweatpants, slid on his house shoes, and dialed Olivia as he ran out the door.

His conversation with Olivia was short. He kept fumbling over his words trying to find out what happened to you. But when Olivia finally explained the situation he almost crashed his car.

“She’s at Mercy General, Rafa.” Olivia’s voice was soft and strained. She’d clearly been crying.

“I’ll be there in five minutes.”

Rafael had no idea how well he was driving, but damnit he was going to get to the hospital. You were going to get married soon and you weren’t dying on him until both of you were well into your 80′s.

He swung into the parking lot and parked in a fire lane. He didn’t have time to think about parking his fucking car with you on the brink of death. Olivia met him in the lobby to take him up to where you were. On a normal day, she would comment on his outfit.

“How is she? What’s going on?” Rafael spat out, trying to keep his volume and tears down.

“It’s...” Olivia paused, pressing her hand against her mouth gently, “She’s lost a lot of blood. Sonny is donating right now but they don’t know if it’s going to be enough.”

“She’s going to pull through. She’s strong. She’s stubborn as hell, okay, (Y/N) will make it.”

Olivia simply nodded. She could see how torn her friend was and didn’t have the heart to make it any worse. She wrapped an arm around Rafael’s shoulders and led him into the waiting room. The room was full of officers- in and out of uniform- and others from the precinct. Fin was in the corner with Amanda, trying to console her and calm her down.

Rafael choked back a cry when he saw her shirt was covered in blood. Fin gave him a sympathetic look before wrapping his jacket around her shoulders to block his view.

“(Y/N)’s in surgery right now. Why don’t we sit down and wait for the doctor. Okay?” Olivia had to force him to move from where he had planted himself and into a chair. She sat in the one right next to him.

“Shit, I’ve got to call my mother.” He cursed, jerking right back up out of his chair and down the hall to get some quiet. He needed to be vulnerable right now and if anyone had to see or hear that, it would be his mother.

Hours passed by and there was still no word about your condition. Olivia took Amanda home with Fin to change and for them to check on their children. Sonny stayed back to keep an eye on Rafael, even though his mother was there. But she was asleep on his shoulder.

Rafael looked at his phone. Almost five in the goddamn morning and they still couldn’t tell him whether you were alive or not. Sonny noticed how frustrated he was becoming and took a seat beside him. Rafael didn’t even acknowledge him, but he mentally thanked the law student for it. They sat there in comfortable silence for a while.

“I gave ‘em a lot of blood, Rafael.” Sonny started before looking over to the older male, “I kept yelling at ‘em to take more, and eventually they had to force me out. Said I can come back in later if they needed it.”

Rafael’s head snapped over to Sonny at the sound of his name. He just gave a curt nod and patted Sonny’s forearm.

“You did all you could. Thank you.”

Sonny pressed his lips together, “Hey, why don’t you rest? I’ll wake you up when the doctors come over.”

Rafael shook his head, “Not a chance. I get woken out of bed only to find out my soon to be wife is possibly on her death bed- no way I’m going back to sleep.”

“Okay,” Sonny spoke softly, returning the same action that Rafael did to him moments before.

Rafael looked around the room. Most of the uniformed officers had left, while some others lingered behind. Chief Dodds had arrived earlier and had yet to make his way to Rafael. That man should know more than anyone about the pain he’s feeling right now.

Olivia suddenly rounded the corner, now wearing a more comfortable outfit and without Amanda. She spotted Rafael and took the seat in front of him. He pointed behind him, but Olivia understood.

“She couldn’t come back. ‘Manda needed some time with her family. Fin stayed behind to keep an eye on her.”

“‘S fine.” He mumbled, nodding his head with a quick flash of a smile.

There was a small creak down the hall that drew Rafael back to the situation. He focused his vision on that one area until he saw a doctor come around the corner in surgical scrubs.

“(Y/N) (L/N)?”

Rafael gently woke his mother before standing, his friends joining them as they quickly made their way over to the doctor with Rafael in lead.

“I-I’m her fiance, what’s going on? Is (Y/N) okay?” His mother slid her hand into his for comfort, squeezing as hard as she could.

The doctor sighed and Rafael wanted to vomit. “She’s, uh, not in good condition. We got all we could of the bullet out but it pierced her lungs and did a lot of other internal damage. All we can do now is... make her comfortable. You can see her if you’d like.”

Rafael pressed his fist against his lips tightly, letting his tears fall. If he spoke, he would just start screaming and never stop. His mother thanked the doctor before wrapping her arms around her son.

“Rafi, mijo, c’mon. You don’t want to keep her waiting.”

He nodded silently. He felt Sonny put a hand on his back for a moment before withdrawing it. Everyone walked down to your room. Even though he was your husband to be, Rafael couldn’t walk into your room first. He waited for his friends to walk in first before he and his mother did.

He had to force himself to keep standing at the sight of you. Your skin was ghostly pale and the skin all-around your neck was bruised. From the chest down you were wrapped up in gauze and bandages like a damn mummy. They even had a breathing tube sticking out of your throat due to blockages.

Olivia and Sonny stood on the side of your bed opposite the door so Rafael can get right there with you. He reached out to touch your skin and he flinched at how cold your skin felt.

Lucia couldn’t bear to see her son like this anymore, “Olivia, Sonny, why don’t we give them a moment.”

They agreed, following her to the door. “I’ll pay for you some breakfast, Mrs. Barba.” Sonny offered, following the two women out the door.

When the door clicked shut, Rafael slid his hand into yours and squeezed gently. He shook his head from side to side as tears fell, trying to put on his best smile for you. One you wouldn’t ever see again.

“Carisi. Always got food on the mind.” He laughed weakly, pressing his lips against your knuckles.

Rafael lost it right there. Hard, rough sobs shook his body. He tried to be as quiet as he could but that was impossible.

“Why..” He asked your almost lifeless body, the only thing indicating your life being a few steady beats, “Why did you have to play hero, Carino? You’re-” Hiccup “You’re not fucking Superman.”

He sat down in the chair next to your bed and continued to sob. If you could hear him in your condition, you would be crying along with him. How dare you be so stupid? You were told twice, twice, to not do that. But to you, that family was safe.

He forced himself to stand up, not once letting go of your hand as he pressed a gentle kiss on your bruise colored lips.

One Week Later

For the funeral, Rafael made sure you were in your favorite outfit. A nice (F/C) pouf dress with matching flats. He had to fight to get you to not be buried in your uniform. It was placed just below your feet along with your wedding dress and veil. Your hair had been slicked back and lightly curled and they gave you a natural make-up look with rosy lips. Rafael almost broke down again with how stunning you looked. Almost how you looked on your first date with him.

He had insisted on taking you out for breakfast and you wore a cute plaid tank top with jean shorts. You didn’t even look like you worked for the NYPD, but he didn’t care. He fell in love with you from the moment he laid eyes on you.

After the funeral, the group stayed back to honor you privately. Amanda had her girls dressed up and Olivia did the same for Noah. Noah let go of Olivia’s hand though to hug Rafael.

“Don’t cry, Uncle Rafa. It’s okay.”

Rafael smiled fondly at Noah’s sweet, innocent words. He wiped his eyes with a tissue and looked down at Noah. He patted Noah on the back and he went back to Olivia. Rafael pressed a kiss to his wedding ring he had made and then laid his hand on your coffin. A weak smile snuck onto his face before he whispered,

“Te quiero mucho, (Y/N)....Barba.”

[tinyboxxtink]

Hey so loved your black magic series! I read your post about using REE/Rafael. I’ll read anything you write but this idea to me is RPF and kind of squicks. ☹️ Maybe if you use another character he played? Nevada?! Someone sees “Barba” doing something super bad and they’re all “omg omg” and think it’s Barba? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I hear you, I do. HOWEVER, I made a "Version" of Raul Esparza in this story that is 5 years younger, and...I hate to say it, "more" famous?

IDK I wrote a 'prototype' chapter last night, so I'm gonna put this to you. I assume/hope you're an avid reader and I can gauge the public consensus, but also I want ALL my readers to be happy!!

So here, read this and then tell me if you still find the idea "Squicky".

That goes for anyone else! Maybe I should put my tag list in here....

The way I wrote him though anon, I truly feel in my heart that it's not RPF, because like I said RPF freaks me out as well.

Before you already go in skeptical, let me set up the plot I had planned. {As told to @madamsnape921 in an IM:

the thing was gonna start that someone sees Rafael proposing to the reader, and tells a tabloid that Raul Esparza is engaged to some rando. Because they think that it was him. And then Rafa, the reader and Chloe start to discuss on how either it's a multiverse thing, or a doppelganger thing because it turns out that Rafael and Raúl are very similar, like personality traits and the Broadway dream, except that Raul's childhood was basically the opposite of Rafael's so Chloe THINKS that Raul is Rafael from a "multiverse".

Right and then Raul goes to Rafael's office to confront him and then the reader and Chloe are there to take Rafael out to lunch and they're like holy shit!

And Rafael is super uncomfortable with the idea of the reader EVER being in a show with Raul because obviously they're like the same person and Raul probably has more in common with her

Oh and also Raul is five years younger, and thinner. So then Raul's like you shouldn't listen to him, I could really help you with your career.

Annnnd that's all I have so far.

Okay so read this really and tell me you honest opinion.

Screw it putting the tag list:

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

You were walking towards the exit of Central Park hand in hand with your now fiancee, when all of a sudden two giggling girls came running up to you.

“Oh my god!!!!! Raul we didn’t know you had a girlfriend!” One of them started squealing.

“Fiancee,” He corrected. “Wait I’m sorry, what? Did you just call me Raul?”

“Uh...yeah, duh,” One of the girls made a face. “Raul Esparza?”

“What?” You bursted out laughing. “I’m sorry, you think he’s Raul Esparza?”

“Um, we know he is,” The other one crossed her arms.

“Um, no he isn’t!” You wrapped your arm around Rafael protectively, as if the two girls were going to kidnap him or something.

“I can promise you ladies, I am not-- whoever you just said,” Rafael assured them.

“Why are you doing this? Are you trying not to embarrass your lady friend here?” One of the girls made a weird face at you.

“Wha? No--” Rafael tried to defend himself but the girls were already clearly ticked off.

“Wow, I have heard of actors trying to get away from fans but completely pretending to be another person, that’s pretty low Raul,” One of them glared at Rafael.

“Yeah, it wouldn’t have taken you much effort to just take a selfie with us,” The other one added with a scowl.

“I...um--” He looked to you for help, but you just shrugged. You had no idea how to handle such a weird situation.

“I guess we can take one--” He offered.

“Oh no, forget it now,” One girl scoffed.

“Yeah, jerk!” The other one stomped her foot and they both sauntered away angrily.

-----------

“...What the hell was that?” Rafael looked at you in utter confusion and disbelief, you just gave him a “wtf” smile.

“I have no idea baby--”

“Oh my god, are you guys ok?” Chloe suddenly came running up behind you. “What the hell did those teeny boppers want? To rob you with water guns or something?”

“No they-- they wanted a selfie?” Rafael was still confused, trying to figure out what just happened.

“A selfie? With you?” Chloe snorted.

“No-- With Raul Esparza,” You looked at her with a confused smile. It was pretty entertaining to think that your fiance looked like a Broadway star.

“I don’t get it, you said that I didn’t even look like him!” Rafael looked at you.

“I mean I said I didn’t see it, and that you were more handsome,”

“....Yeah well you might wanna rethink that answer babe,” Chloe’s eyes were wide as she handed you her phone. She had googled RAUL ESPARZA, and the images that popped up were-- Rafael’s face.

“Oh my God…” You whispered, showing Rafael the phone. He quickly pulled out his own and started searching for himself. You handed Chloe back her phone and did the same. Pages and pages of articles about Raul Esparza’s shows, and accelaides, and all with Rafael's face plastered all over them.

“He’s….me,” Rafael whispered in horror.

“He looks more like you than you do!” You teased, he looked at you with a very serious face. Clearly he was not ready to joke about this yet.

“Holy shit. This is some multiverse shit,” Chloe muttered as she went through her Google search.

“Excuse me?” You asked her.

“You know, the multiverse theory? There’s an infinite amount of universes in every decision anyone ever makes.”

“Meaning…?” Rafael asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Chloe raised an eyebrow. “Raul could be Rafael, if he hadn’t given up on his Broadway dream,”

“Oh my god,” Rafael started laughing. “Chloe, did you get loaded in the park or something?”

“Oh okay, so you have a better idea, big brain lawyer?” She crossed her arms.

“He might not, but I do,” You piped up, showing her your phone.

“Doppelgangers?” Chloe read with a face.

“Yes, it’s a fact that there are 5 people in the world with the EXACT same face,” You continued reading.

“And he just happens to live in New York, where Rafael lives? AND is on Broadway, the one thing Rafael gave up?”

“Look sure it’s a million to one shot that those events would line up, but what’s more plausible: Doppelganger or ‘Multiverse’?” You looked at Chloe, who looked at Rafael, so you turned to Rafael as well.

“...Wha--are you asking me?” He asked.

“I mean it is your face,” You shrugged. “What do you think, baby?”

“I’m leaning towards a doppelganger, sorry Chloe,” He shrugged as well.

“Yeah well, you’re probably right,” Chloe nodded as she read her own phone, still on Raul Esparza info. “Most likely because he’s five years YOUNGER than you,”

“WHAT?!” Rafael grabbed her phone; as he read it, his face fell. “Oh God, no…”

“Wha--What does it matter how old he is, Rafa?” You furrowed your brows.

“Or the fact that he’s clearly thinner and more attractive,” Chloe added with a smirk.

“CHLOE,” You scolded her. “What the ever loving fuck?”

“Well, I’m just saying-- Look at them side by side,” Chloe had a photo of Rafael from some mayor’s ball next to Raul Esparza at the Tonys, both in tuxedo’s. You wouldn’t admit to Rafael but Raul was definitely thinner, and...he looked a lot younger. It was probably Botox or something you were sure, but still….

“Okay but again WHY does it matter--?” You wanted to change the subject.

“Are you kidding me? Y/N-- This is what you want to do!” He gestured to Chloe’s phone.

“....I don’t want Raul--” You started.

“No, you want to be on Broadway though!! And, and what if someday, God forbid, you end up in a show with this guy? He clearly already has a leg up on me compatibility wise, and as Chloe so kindly pointed out, a leg up on me age and attractiveness wise, and--” Rafael started ranting and rambling, talking lightening fast, as he did when he got upset or excited.

“Whoa whoa whoa whoa, back up there counselor,” You put up a hand to his face. “Are you actually insinuating that if I worked with Raul Esparza, that I would magically fall in love with him?”

“Don’t say it like that,” Rafael was triggered by the mention of magic and love.

“Okay but I’m not even saying ‘magic’ magic, I’m just saying-- What do you think because he’s an actor, and younger than you I’m just going to think I’m better off with him? Just because he has your face?” You gave him a small “oh honey” smile as you placed your hands on either of his face.

“No, but if you have to play his love interest, and you spend every day with him, it might blur the lines--” He started grumbling.

“Rafael, baby--” You shook his head in your hands. “I am still in SCHOOL. I am nowhere NEAR being in a Broadway show as a freaking techie, let alone a love interest starring opposite Raul Esparza,”

“Yeah, I mean this guy is huge-- 3 Tonys, 2 Emmys, an Oscar--” Chloe rattled off, but stopped when she realized you were glaring at her. “What? I’m helping!”

“...See? He’s far too famous for me,” You pressed your forehead to Rafael’s.

“Right, and I’m just the lowly ADA,” He muttered.

“Lowly my ass, Rafa,” You hit him playfully. “You are the most respected ADA in all of New York,”

“I’m the only ADA of New York,” He made a face.

“Not true! Just the city,” You beamed, proud of yourself you did some research once you had gotten together.

“My point is Rafael,” You now put your hands on his collar and pulled yourself into him. “You are all the acclaim I need,” You kissed him softly. “You’re my everything, I mean for fuck’s sake you just held a one man flash mob to propose to me! Let’s Raul Esparza do THAT,” You laughed, hoping to make him feel better. As his scowl melted into a smile, you knew you had succeeded.

“That was pretty romantic wasn’t it?” He beamed, proud of himself.

“It was EPIC,” Chloe chimed in, for good this time.

“Your voice is beautiful by the way,” You had forgotten in the midst of all of the romantic hubbub to compliment him. “I’m really sorry you had to give up Broadway,”

“Yeah, well-- apparently some part of me didn’t,” He gestured to his phone.

“Well he doesn’t have me,” You pointed out.

“He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” Rafael grinned as he pulled you into a deep kiss.

“Now can we please just forget about--” You hesitated, deciding not to mention his name again. “Anything else, and just focus on our engagement night?”

“Well, I suppose--” He nodded as he put an arm around you, and the three of you continued to walk through the park.

-------

Across town in a swanky New York Penthouse, an alert went off on Raul Esparza’s phone. He had it set to notify him any time his name appeared in a headline on the internet. He glanced over and picked it up, reading the notification. As he read it, his eyes widened and his face grew red. He stood up and yelled to no one in particular,

“Who the FUCK is trying to impersonate me?!”

[soyeahitsmiddleearth]

How about some eventual snuggling with Kili who used to tease human!reader for not having her first kiss yet? I just love the way you portray the brothers in your writing, it always makes me smile 💘

I'm sorry this took so long, I've been lacking motivation to write since I hurt my hands but I got this out! I hope you like it!

You never understood why people care so much about others romantic experiences when they're not even interested in the first place. 

It literally makes no sense. 

What does it matter that you've never kissed anyone? Or been in a relationship? 

A conquest is how you've been seen in the past. Like a goal that people are working towards over something so stupid.

What do they even gain from getting a kiss from you anyways? Another roll of innocence on their belt? Bragging rights? 

Whatever. 

I mean really, it shouldn't matter at all; and in this particular group of dwarfs you thought it wouldn't matter at all, and for the most part it doesn't. However, while your first kiss may not be a conquest, it certainly is the topic of a lot of teasing. 

Specifically from Fili and Kili.

Double specifically from Kili. 

It was just a casual conversation like any other when the topic came up, the two brothers discussing how awkward their first kisses were since they had given up their first kisses to the same girl. 

"I know, I know. It sounds unbelievable but it's true!" Kili exclaims between laughter, nudging his brother in the side while you join in with giggles of your own. "And do you want to know what happened after we kissed?" 

"What?" You ask eagerly, practically on the edge of your seat. This story is just too good. 

"She called me Fili! She had us completely mixed up with one another and it then dawned on me that she hadn't said my name the entire night." He looks indignant and tries to feign shock, though the big smile on his face gives him away. "I'm completely certain that she forgot if I was Fili or Kili, and then panicked and guessed at the last moment. It was mortifying." 

You gasp dramatically and look over at the blond-haired brother who is watching on with amusement in his eyes, though he isn't laughing as much as you or his brother. "And what about you?" 

"Me? Well, she kissed me afterward and didn't bother to tell me that she had been snogging my brother only a few hours-" 

"A few hours? " Once more you're left shocked- this is better than any soap opera- and you look at him with wide eyes. 

"I know! I had no idea. And when I returned home later and Kili told me what happened, I nearly lost it." He shakes his head after he finishes speaking and crosses his arms over his chest.

You reach up and scratch at your cheek lightly, pressing a bit further, "What did you guys do about it?" 

They exchange a glance as smiles creep up onto their faces, and right away you know they did something no so kind. 

"Well, the next time she asked me to join her for an outing," Fili begins, a smirk creeping up onto his face, "I invited Kili along." 

"Oh, her face when she saw the both of us together. Once we approached her she looked like a deer caught drinking by a hunter, I tell you! And then Fili said-"

"I said, 'Oh, Elora! I hope you don't mind but I brought my brother, Kili, along since I wanted him to meet you.' And then she looked absolutely horrified." 

You place your hand on your face and look at him with wide eyes, asking very energetically, "W-Wait so you brought along your brother, who she also kissed, _and _indirectly told her she said the wrong brothers name?"

"That's exactly what I did, and she looked none too happy about it. She started yelling at us for being horrible and tricking her." Fili sighs and shakes his head as if he's disappointed just thinking about it. "She looked positively foolish." 

"What an awful way to lose your first kiss- because that certainly does sound like a loss." You look at them sympathetically despite the humor of the memory, knowing that it must've been much less pleasant at the time. 

Kili shrugs his shoulders indifferently, looking at you with a raised eyebrow, "Well, we're not bothered by it anymore anyways." 

"It's your turn to share." Fili urges as his humorous demeanor becomes much more expectant. 

You frown deeply at his call for your story, but, unfortunately for them, you don't have one. "I've never kissed anyone, so I've no embarrassing story to give." 

A moment of silence passes by where they just look at you before Kili asks incredulously, "You've never been kissed?" 

"No..." You suddenly feel a bit nervous, glancing away shyly. "Not everyone has been, you know. Surely it isn't that surprising to you." You're grumbling more than speaking at this point, hoping more than anything that they'll just drop it since it isn't a big deal. 

A smile curls onto Kili's lips and the tease leaves his mouth before he can stop himself, "Certainly there must be some sort of mistake! Our brave, adventurous, Y/N has never kissed anyone?" 

In contrast to Kili, a scowl works its way onto your face and you look away pointedly, "What does it matter?" 

"Oh, well it doesn't matter much...," he trails off as that same mischievous smile stays on his face, and then he continues, "You're even softer and sweeter than I thought!"

"How does that make me soft or sweet?" You ask incredulously, half-hearted disgust twisting your features. 

"It just does." Fili chimes in suddenly, earning a glare from you. 

A heavy sigh leaves you and you flop down onto your back, avoiding looking at both of them, "Oh, you too? You're both incorrigible." 

All they do is laugh in response. 

You got an awful lot of teasing from those two after you let that slip (it wasn't actually a slip up but whatever), but eventually the jokes and jabs died down and became less frequent, though they didn't stop altogether in the slightest. 

Some of their jokes ended up being kinda funny too, surprisingly enough, though that doesn't mean you disliked it any less. 

And there's also the thing with liking all the attention you've been getting from Kili- even if it is attention derived from being made fun of. 

Also, there's the fact that a few of Kili's jabs included things like being willing to teach you a thing or two about kissing... Oh, even thinking about it makes you embarrassed. 

You can feel your face heating up upon the thought of his recent behavior, and you chance a quick look around to see if anyone is looking at you and, luckily, find that nobody is paying attention to you. 

Thank god. 

A moment or so passes and the raging heat of your face cools, and then you dispel all thoughts of this from your mind. 

You take a deep breath and lay back into your bedroll and pulling your blanket over you, looking up at the sky with a slight pout on your face. 

A chill runs down your spine in unison with a strong gust of wind that breezes by, and, instinctively, you reach up and wrap your arms around yourself. It's a cold night, but you'll be able to manage as long as you bundle up properly. 

"Y/N? Are you cold?" A voice pipes up from your left suddenly. 

You turn toward the voice and see Kili sitting with his back propped up against the trunk of one of the trees in the clearing, one of his eyebrows raised while he smokes from the dreadful pipe. 

"Just a little bit." You mumble, wrapping your blanket around your shoulders and sitting back up so you can look at him full on. "Are you going to sleep soon?" 

"Yes..." He trails off and looks like he wants to say something else, and right away you're on guard. 

"If you're thinking of more ways to tease me, then I won't speak to you at all tomorrow." 

A smirk curls at the corners of his lips and he laughs heartily, shaking his head along while speaking, "I was not planning on it. Have I really tormented you so much that you expect it now?" 

Uh, duh. 

You nod your head vigorously and glare right at him, "Yes. And you know it, too." 

The dark-haired dwarf laughs some more and shrugs his shoulders, placing his pipe down and crossing his arms across his chest. "Fair." 

"Is that all?" 

He doesn't say anything right away and instead looks at you silently for a bit, seeming to debate something internally before he gestures for you to come over to him. 

You, of course, just look at him blankly for a moment, eyes narrowing a fraction with clear distrust, "What?" 

"You said that you are cold." 

"And?" 

"I'm offering up a solution." 

Once more you say nothing and just look at him, thus causing him to sigh heavily. 

"Come on now, I'm only trying to be nice," he pauses, then adds, "I promise not to tease you." 

"How do I know I can trust you?" 

"You'll just have to try." 

The sourness does not leave your face while the two of you engage in some sort of stare down, a battle of wills, but when another shudder runs through you, you know that you're just gonna have to concede. 

And I mean, it's not like you don't want to be close to him or anything like that, but there's still that little bit of suspicion whispering in your ear...

Oh well. 

You sigh heavily and resign your hesitance in favor of crawling over to him, not removing your blanket or being particularly quick, and once you're next to him you settle and pull your blanket tighter around your shoulders. 

"Okay, I'm here." 

He wraps his arm around your shoulders right away and pulls you into him, laughing lightly at your hesitance since he really does find it to be rather cute. "Come on now, it's only me." 

"I know..." You grumble, leaning into him comfortably and wrapping one of your arms around his waist, less skittishly this time around. "You're always bothering me, though, so I never know what to expect." 

Fair. 

He only smiles and doesn't reply, looking ahead and just getting more comfy himself. 

The change in temperature is almost instant, and right away you know that you don't want to be anywhere else. 

You slide down further and stretch your legs out in front of you, sighing contently while you look at the flickering and orange fire ahead. The air is still cold of course, but it feels so much better with someone holding you. 

Kili unconsciously smiles when you snuggle up further into him, pulling you over so your head can rest against his shoulder which you appreciate greatly. 

You're practically laying on him now, but if he's uncomfortable at all then he definitely isn't showing it. 

You aren'y quite sure when your eyes began to droop or your body began to completely relax, but very soon were you on the verge of sleep, tipping just over the edge of rest as he held you so comfortingly and remained as still as he possibly could - which you are very grateful for. 

At one point you vaguely register movement beside you and, when you begin to stir, a soft whisper telling you that everything's fine and that you should go back to sleep, and not long after that are you completely whisked away into dream land. 

Kili had elected to lay down and bring you with him once he got tired, and, instead of sending you off to your own bedroll, he just held you a bit tighter and looked up at the sky for a little bit while he waited for sleep to overcome him as well (that ended up taking a bit longer than he thought it would, for he was entranced in your peaceful expression and the soft breaths fanning out across his chest). 

Right before he falls asleep himself he leans down and presses a delicate kiss to your forehead, smiling tiredly when your nose twitches. 

And then he too falls into the depths of sleep. 

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter Four: E-Stim

Pairing: Captain “Sy” Syverson x OFC (Shane Benton)

Summary: Shane deals with the consequences of her email to her boss, both good and bad. A mortifying situation has an…unexpected outcome. Emotions run high in the fourth chapter of The Tx of Sy! Behind on the action? Catch up HERE! 

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Language, some angst and emotions. (Like I literally cried writing part of it) And like, an asshole boss…but if you stick it out with Susan, you won’t be disappointed.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

Tags:

@onlyhenrys

 @cavillryarchive

 @summersong69

 @titty-teetee

 @bloodyinspiredfuck

 @agniavateira

@oddsnendsfanfics

(you didn’t ask, but i took the liberty! Hope that’s okay!)

@tumblnewby @suavechops

Shane had spent her morning getting ready for work and treating her first patient with a whopping headache…maybe a small glass of wine would have been more responsible of her. But she slept like the dead, which was the goal.

She took a moment before her second patient to check her email…there was a reply from Susan.

Shane, come to my office at your next possible availability.

No "thank you" or "please" or "fuck you very much." just an order. Last she checked, SHE wasn't in the military. Since Heather wasn't in yet, she messaged the secretary on duty, Marsha, to see if she could find a way to make an opening in her morning. She wanted to get this meeting over with.

Sure, Shane. Looks like Cory could take your next patient, if you like. He's seen him before.

Perfect. Please make that change and block me for a meeting with Susan. Thank you so much.

She saw Cory walk by, and warned him. "Cory, I'm having Marsha move Mr. Greenbaum to you next hour. I need to meet with Susan about something." she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, shit. Okay. No problem." Cory knew all too well the fuckery that a Susan meeting could entail.

"I really appreciate it. I owe you big time."

"Nah, Mr. G is cool. We just talk about huntin' and stuff."

"He'll probably like that we switched, then." she laughed. And headed for what felt like the principal's office. Bleak and miserable.

She knocked on the door, and was told in an all too cheerful manner to come in.

"Hey!"

"Morning Susan."

"Close the door and have a seat, Shane."

She typed away for a moment before fully engaging…as was her way. She thought it gave her the power. It really just annoyed the fuck out of everyone.

"So, tell me what's going on with this patient you emailed me about."

"Well, he's an ACL and MCL tear, traumatic, plus a dislocated patella. He did it during a mission in Iraq. Ummm, he's improving a lot. Potter did the surgery. He had him keep the crutches about two weeks longer than we thought he would, but--"

"No I mean…this relationship. What's the deal, here?"

"Oh, there's not much to say about it, really. He's been fairly flirty from pretty early on. I've been able to ignore it, but to be honest, I think he's a really great guy, and I think he deserves better than me ignoring his advances, especially when, to be honest Susan, the feelings he has for me are not unrequited." her heart was racing. More than if Sy had been in the room flirting with her, but so much less pleasant.

"I don't think you should see this guy until the treatment is over. What if it doesn't work out and he doesn't want to come here anymore because of you." That hurt…not that it wasn't rattling around in her head, too.

"Well, Susan, to be honest, that's one reason I haven't spoken up about this already. I have that fear. But he's been very adamant about it lately, and it's been on my mind a lot, and I think I owe it to the both of us to see it through."

"I think I should call this guy. Let me pull him up."

She gave her his details to get his information pulled up in their system. God, this was embarrassing. She should have known this nightmare was coming.

"Hello?" a gravelly bark came across the speakerphone.

"Hello, Mr. Syverson?"

"Captain Syverson, yes, Ma'am." She wasn't expecting him to pull rank…and he did it so politely.

"Sorry, Captain Syverson. My name is Susan DeForrest, I'm the manager here at Fort Wood Therapy Clinic. How are you this morning?"

"This side of the daisies ain't worth complainin. What can I do ya for, ma'am?"

"Well, I have Miss Benton, your therapist here in a meeting. You're on speaker."

"Hey Sy." Shane mewled sheepishly.

"Hey there, Shane." she could hear the smile in his voice. She didn't know if Susan could.

"She's saying that the two of you would like to see each other socially, outside of therapy."

"Oh, that's not quite the words I'd use, ma'am, but I s'pose you're technically correct."

"And she's explained to you that this facility has a policy in place regarding such fraternization?" What a load of bullshit she was shoveling. Making it sound so sinister and clandestine what she and Sy were trying to start up. Like espionage. This woman…

"I'm aware that certain policies exist like that to protect patients or customers, and more frequently the staff from situations that could present problems for both or either parties. I am not aware that a strict policy exists to police your staff in such a stringent manner. In fact, I know the opposite to be true."

"Excuse me?" Susan asked, shell shocked.

"See, them policies o' yours, they're all available online. Public knowledge. Even your personnel ones. Now, y'all have a nice and thorough handbook, I mean, I have been up all night just pouring over this like honey on toast, and I can tell you, I ain't findin' a word about y'all not being allowed to date your patients."

"Well, it's in policy number…"

"Nope, you were gonna say 47, subsection 2, part b. But that just says that you shouldn't treat anyone you're close to (i.e. friend, relative, or significant other) if you can't maintain objectivity or your own comfortability. Now, if I'd make Shane uncomfortable, or if she lost her objectivity over me, I'd be devastated. Shane, do I or do you think I could make you uncomfortable or unobjective?" he was laying it on so thick. If she hadn't been falling for him, this would have done it.

"I don't think so, Sy." She held back a smile…but not well.

"There ya have it. Miss DeForrest, I trust that Shane is free to live her life in the way she sees fit?"

"Well, I still think she should wait…" Susan started, but was cut off again by Sy.

"Because you see, I've seen a lot of young people fail to grow old. A lot of people waitin' to do things…they never ended up doin'. This life…it can be real, real short, Miss DeForrest. And I'm not keen on waitin' to be happy when I could be happy right now. Have I made myself clear enough for you? Or do I need to go to the next link in the chain of command here?" The emotion and resolve in his voice was completely shattering. He wasn't crying. But Shane and Susan both were. And then suddenly, Susan sniffed herself into composure and answered him with dignity.

"No, Captain Syverson. That will not be necessary. Shane…is free, of course, to socialize with whomever she sees fit so long as it doesn't affect anyone's treatment adversely. Thank you for your time, candor, and perspective, sir."

"I'm glad to help Shane. She's helped me more than any therapist I've ever had. We clicked immediately. I knew she was somethin' special. But getting to know her over the last few weeks has shown me what true happiness could feel like…I'd forgotten that over in Iraq. She gave that back to me. I'd like to thank her properly."

"I think she'd like that too. Thank you, sir." Susan hung up the phone without letting them say goodbye to each other, but Shane was an utter mess, and unable to form coherent words right now, anyway.

"Wow." Susan exclaimed.

"Yeah." Shane sniffed into a tissue, dabbing her eyes and then blowing her nose loudly, and unapologetically.

"Did he say he spent the whole night reading our policies?" Susan asked, not sure she heard him right.

"That's what I understood." Shane was somehow not surprised.

"Did you tell him to do that?"

"I didn't even know the policies were online, nor did I know you'd pull him in to our meeting…I didn't even know we were having one until twenty minutes ago."

"Right…fair. Sorry, I'm still…off-put by all of that." She had been beaten…and it wasn't familiar or comfortable.

"So, are we finished here?" Shane inquired, tentative about the state of mind her boss was in.

"Yes, go on and take the rest of the hour for continuing ed or whatever." She was normally much more composed…Sy had really gotten to her. She loved it.

Shane hurried back to her treatment room. She had to call him.

"Hello?" that same gravelly voice now confused as he'd just hung up with her, basically.

"May I speak to the great hero Captain Syverson, please?"

"Sunshine. How ya doin'?"

"Did you really stay up all night last night to read our entire employee manual?"

"I wanted the straight up, true life details about this policy that could mess up my future."

"I think you broke my boss's brain. She was still stewing when I left. She thought I told you where to find all that and what not. I didn't even know you could find it online. Plus, I didn't know we'd be meeting or that she'd drag you into a personnel matter. She's the worst. And you're literally my hero for beating her down like you did."

"Hey, ya know, she started it. I just finished it."

"You sure did. And how!"

"So…since we're all legal now…"

"Is the magic gone since it's not forbidden?" she laughed.

"Oh, I was gonna say, yeah, I think this may be a mistake. Sorry."

They both giggled.

"I'm free after work on Friday." she suggested.

"Not anymore, you're not. Bring some nice clothes and change when you're done. I'll pick you up after. Just text me when you're about ready?"

"You haven't given me your number, Sy."

"It's in my chart, dork."

"You have to officially give it to me."

"Oh I'll give it to ya, baby." He'd dug deep into the bass part of his register for that one.

"Syyyyy." she groaned.

"Oh, you already know I like it when you say my name."

"I'm being serious right now, what's your damn number or the date is off." She bluffed.

"Not because I believe that idle threat, but because I wanna…give it to ya." he rattled off the number.

"Okay, I'll be texting you with mine. Now, I have work today, so if you text me and don't get an immediate response, you know that's why."

"I'm not your only patient? I'm hurt, Shane."

"I know, that's why you've been coming to therapy for weeks."

"Har-Har, good thing I'm not into you for your sense of humor."

"Good thing I'm not into you for your looks, since 80% of your face is obscured by hair."

"We could go all day like this."

"The stamina." she teased.

"Well, look who joined the game!" he sounded almost proud.

"Don't think I haven't been participating silently for…a while."

"How long?" he inquired

"Isn't that my line?" she laughed at the penis joke she'd just made.

"You'll find out soon enough, and you won't be laughing. How long?"

"Well, you remember your evaluation."

"I do."

"Yeah…then." she bleated, too shy to say so with pride.

"No way! You mean you've liked me all this time too! And haven't said shit!?"

"I had to be professional, Sy! I didn't want to! Damn! You've gotta know how much I didn't want to be professional."

"I'll forgive ya, I guess, lil' lady."

"Merciful of you, sir!" she chuckled. "I'll need to go here soon. Won't be long now until my next one gets here."

"Tease me with a 'sir' then cut me off. Cruel."

"You like 'sir,' huh?" she whispered.

"I do. Yes…I…do."

"Noted. Well, until tomorrow."

"Don't forget to text me. I want you to give it to me too." he chuckled.

"Oh, you're bad."

"But, I'm real, real good sunshine." The deep rich promise in his voice did not go unnoticed.

"Bye Sy."

"Later Shane."

She hung up and texted him immediately. A selfie. He replied in kind. He seemed to be home on his couch, Aika by his side…he was not wearing a shirt…well…this day would be eternal.

Up Next: Chapter Five- Sensory Integration 1

[johannstutt413]

(requested by anonymous)

The Doctor was in her office, but she’d stopped working several hours ago; in fact, when Orchid came by to ask about her squad’s upcoming deployment, she found her at the empty assistant’s desk with what looked like a full-blown toolbox at her side. “Good afternoon, Doctor. I didn’t come at a bad time, did I?”

“Oh, hey, Orchid! Nah, I’m just working on some’n for my anniversary.” She held up the ring she was working on. “It’s our first, so I wanna do some’n extra special, ya know?”

“Anniversary? I didn’t know you were even seeing anyone. Who’s the lucky guy? Or gal, either way.”

That earned the Liberi a smile. “Blue, Glaucus, and I are going on six months now.”

“Huh. Like, all three of you together?” She whistled. “I think one’s about all I can handle.”

“I think that’s partially because of who that one person is, though.” The Doctor’s smile was somewhere between caustic and glacial as she fired off her retort.

Orchid sighed. “Yeah, you’ve got a point there...So, do you have an update for me on when my team’s heading out into the field? Poppy’s trying to schedule chainsaw lessons with Blaze, and it’s probably better for those to happen on deployment rather than in one of the training areas.”

“Oh, yeah, definitely.” She rolled her chair across the floor to reach her computer. “Lemme see where I put you...”

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Blue Poison was sitting at the counter with a pencil and pad of paper, sketching and erasing more than she ever had before. Cakes were supposed to be her thing, so why was this so hard…

“Hey, Blue!” Gummy walked in, a box of ingredients in her arms. “Everything okay? You looked stressed.”

“I’m making a cake for my anniversary today, and I want it to be perfect...but I don’t know how to make it look the way I want it to.”

The chef set her box on a side table. “Maybe I can help? Mousse has been-”

“Hi, Gummy!” Speak of the Feline, and she shall appear. “Oh, Miss Blue? You look worried.”

“Mousse, you showed up just in time! Blue’s baking an anniversary cake, but she’s worried it won’t look good. Can you help us come up with something that’ll really wow her special someone?”

The Anura mumbled, “Someones. I have two girlfriends.”

“Sure, I can help!” A black cat appeared out of nowhere with her sketchpad. “What kind of cake do you want to make?”

“...A wedding cake.”

While Rhodes Island’s best bakers conspired to craft the perfect anniversary cake, Glaucus tinkered in her room, looking through schematics to find the pieces she needed for the ideas in her head. It wasn’t every day she had something to celebrate, so she felt like she really had to make this special, but she was quickly discovering she didn’t have many ideas that made good toys. “Hmm...The Doctor said she’d like something she can set on her desk, and Blue likes watching the clouds on the top deck. Maybe something held in a magnetic field that has a liquid component? That would be interesting, and it shouldn’t be too hard to make. I will need a container of some kind for it, though.”

*knock knock* “Glaucus?” That was Mayer’s voice at the door. “Do you have the prototype for the magnetic field generator model?”

“One second.” The Supporter engaged her exosuit, walked over to the table she set the model on, and opened the door to hand it to the Anaty at the door...

...Who looked behind her and saw what she was working on. “Has it already been six months?”

“Hmm?” Glaucus followed her eyes. “Yeah. I want to make them something like levitating lava lamps. Actually, can I borrow a few Meeboos? I need some help with the containers, and I’m not entirely sure what I want to fill them with for the best effect.”

“I’ll do you one better and help you myself. It’s been kind of a slow day, but helping you out might teach me something I can use on the magnet-powered Meeboo!”

With a little trepidation, she let Mayer inside. “Alright, you can help me out. We’re gonna need two of them.”

“Obviously.” The Anaty chuckled. “What else would you do, ask them both to share?”

“...I am so glad I work with someone this perceptive.”

--- --- --- --- ---

The Doctor’s shift came to an end, and she returned home with a trio of rings in her pocket, eager to start celebrating. She wondered if her girlfriends had gotten as into this idea of anniversaries as she had; for her, it was a brand new type of memory, one that, even as an amnesiac, she knew was a new sort of experience, and one she was looking forward to having many more of...

‘Home’ for the trio was the Doctor’s suite, partially because it’d been the largest of their three rooms, partially because she was the only one who didn’t need a separate workshop for her stuff, and partially because her room had been site zero...entirely by accident. All three of them being there had been intentional, at least - Meteor had held a meet-and-greet sort of thing for the more introverted folks, the sort of event only a team mom could have considered and then kept enjoyable, and afterwards Blue and Glaucus had taken up on the Doctor’s offer for a nightcap. 

They quickly discovered none of them could actually drink alcohol, each for a completely different reason, so it’d turned into the three of them talking the night away instead. The Anura made a remark that this was the most of Glaucus’ voice she’d heard since they’d met, and the Supporter admitted with a blush that this was the most comfortable she’d felt around a pair of people since she’d arrived. That got the two of them talking about life before Rhodes Island; Blue reminisced about walking hand-in-hand with friends, which prompted the Doctor and Glaucus to ask why she didn’t at RI. She sighed, saying most people were too scared of the possibility of her poisoning them to consider it - and before she could even finish the sentence, they’d each grabbed the hand closest to them with a level of coordination they couldn’t have even planned.

Man, that was a fun night.

Anyway, the Doctor went to unlock her door, only to have Blue open it for her with a bright smile, already out of her work clothes and in something casual. “Welcome home~ How was work?”

“Slow as hell, honestly.” She went for a kiss, encouraged by the frosting on the Anura’s upper lip. “You made dessert, I take it?”

“You’ll see. Glue got back a few minutes ago and went to the bedroom to change, if you want to join her.”

A shrug. “I think I’ll keep you company until she’s out. Did you burn yourself, dear?”

“Hmm? Oh, this?” She shook her head. “I dropped a beaker and cut myself while cleaning up. Nothing serious.”

“Gotcha. Hey, that was quick!” They both turned to watch Glaucus walk out of the bedroom.

The Supporter waved. “Didn’t need to do much. Are we ready to start?”

“Yeah, let’s do it!” The Doctor rubbed her hands together in anticipation. “I can’t wait to see... this...cake...Holy shit.”

“You’ve really outdone yourself, Blue,” Glaucus agreed, swooping in to take her hand as their third tried to figure out how to tackle the three-tiered titan in front of them.

She giggled. “I’m happy you both think so. I had some help planning it, but it turned out even better than I expected.”

“This reminds me of something,” the Doctor noted as they took the topmost layer for themselves, “but...I don’t know what.”

“It’s a wedding cake,” the Supporter replied.

The Anura nodded. “I’ve always wanted to try making one, and I thought this was as good a time as any. Is it good, Doctor?”

“You know how addicted I am to your cakes, Blue.” She’d already eaten a third of the portion she’d retrieved. “I’m happy there’s enough of this one to last a couple days.”

“Once we’re done eating, I have something as well.” Glue chimed in while it was on her mind. “We should wait, though. The frosting might stain them.” 

The Doctor flashed her a thumbs up, and after they’d had their fill (keeping in mind they were planning to go out to eat), Glaucus went back to the bedroom and returned with a pair of blue boxes with green bows on top, each manageable with one hand. “They’re a bit fragile, but I think they’re pretty neat.”

“...This is magnetic, isn’t it?” The Anura opened her box and pulled out a small double-capped cylinder with two distinct layers of liquid along with a flat black base.

“How do we turn them on?” The Doctor wondered aloud. “I don’t see a switch or any- oh, wait, it’s this, isn’t it?”

The Supporter smiled as she found the clicker she’d taped to the top of the box. “Green turns it on, red turns it off; both are gradual to ensure the cylinder doesn’t move too fast and shatter.”

“That’s really co- no, this is awwwwesome. I’m totally taking this to my office.” She’d expected it to float, because Glaucus’ thing was magnets, but to spin as well? That was next-level shit.

“You color-coordinated them as well,” Blue noted with admiration before kissing her on the cheek. “It reminds me of a stormy evening sky.”

Glue blushed. “Then I’m two-for-two.”

“Oh! Speaking of, I made us something, too!” The Doctor fished in her pocket, found the rings, and kept her hand there for a moment.

“...You’ve talked about making jewelry on slower days,” the Anura said, “but it’d be a pain to keep three chains in one pocket.”

Glaucus had to sit down, as even with her exoskeleton on, her knees suddenly felt weak. “Blue, I think I know what she made.”

“Let me know if you guessed right :D.” She held out her hand, and there were three rings - simple silver bands, nearly identical except for differently-colored stones on top - one sapphire, one amethyst, and one citrine.

“I was.” The Supporter fell sideways, laying across Blue’s lap. “We already have the wedding cake.”

The Doctor balked. “Not that I’d say no, but it still feels kinda early for that.”

“All in good time. I’ll consider it a promise for the future.” Blue accepted the amethyst for herself and put the sapphire ring on Glaucus’ finger.

“Same...” Glue, it appeared, was down for the count. “I might need a minute before...dinner...”

That was just fine in their book; the Doctor helped the Anura take their sluggish girlfriend somewhere more comfortable before disengaging the exoskeleton for some late afternoon cuddling. Despite all the blue in their lives (I mean, just look at those color schemes), life had never been brighter...

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/80238334

Chapter 69

That night, Nick stayed with James. He needed a place to cry his heart out, and James' shoulders were very comfortable. The other man solaced him with soft words and with soft hands that stroked not only his back, but also his heart. He told James he wanted to keep a clear head, what he had sort of promised to Birdie, what Virgil probably would've liked too. “You're with me”,  James assured him. “I'll take care of you, don't you worry. Besides, what's so bad about one drink?” Nick hesitated. “You'll make sure I don't mess anything up tonight?” “I will”, James said with the most comforting smile. Nick blushed. The other man was so charming, he reminded him of someone else. He just couldn't figure out who. Was it Virgil? The manager could be charming whenever he wanted, but most of the time he had rather wanted to push Nick further. James was so relaxed. He made him feel that everything would be alright, that he didn't need to hurry, and most of all, not to worry.

“Uncle Jack”, Nick whispered on the spur of the moment. James lifted his eyebrows. “You remind me of Uncle Jack”, Nick explained. James' features eased again. “Am I like an uncle to you?” Nick mused. “More like...a father...” James expression was unreadable. “Not that I know...”, Nick corrected himself, “I never had a father.” The memory just came back. “He was drafted for the war and never came back...I don't even remember what he looked like...” “I'm sorry...”, James said as if he could empathize. “I don't want to complain. My mother was good to me, perhaps even too good...She gave me everything. She spent her savings on buying me a guitar...” “Well, it wasn't in vain”, James pointed out. “I'm sure you made her proud.” “I hope so...” Nick ran a hand through his hair. “I don't know what happened to her...God, I can't remember...!” The other man gently pressed Nick's head against his chest. “The odds are that you will...” “Really?” Nick doubted it. “Think of everything you remembered since you're taking my Joy...You were sure you lost all this, right? But it's still there, in your pretty head.” James' finger poked him. Nick pondered. “I can't wait to recall my entire life again. I don't feel like a whole person. I'm just a little part of myself...It's just so sad how many people I knew and loved are gone...I wonder who's gonna be left...” “You won't be alone, Nick.” Nick looked at James, smiled and accepted the drink. It was pitch black, but with a compelling taste. The night continued, peacefully and in intimate togetherness. Nick drank more and his mind became blurry.

He awoke in a big, soft bed. Can't I stay in here forever, he thought. There's no better place in the world than a comfy bed. Well, perhaps with one exception, he noticed, looking at the empty space next to him. A better place would be in someone's arms. But there's no time to dwell on the past, he told himself. Your band is waiting and you have to face this out together. In the last moment he remembered he had put the blanket over them and now he wondered if they were awake already. Sitting up, the world around him changed it's appearance. Instead of in his own bedroom, where he thought he had gone to sleep, he was in the Wonderland Suite. There was no doubt, the windows told him it wasn't the tunnel suite. Sighing, he fell back into his bed. Not again! He was so done with his foggy head. Now, figuring out how he ended up here was such a stressful thing to do, especially in the mornings. And most of the time it didn't work out anyway, so he could just as well give up already.

His friends...well, for some reason he was sure they were save. Did he make it up with them? He listened to his inner voice. It seemed like it. He felt that he didn't have to hurry, he could have a good breakfast first and then walk back. It was a feeling he enjoyed very much. His stomach was all relaxed, except for the fact that it signalized hunger and his brain cried for coffee. All in all, nothing he could not take care of by himself. Walking along the corridor to the lounge, a thought popped up in his mind, shortly. The bills...who would pay them now? But his feeling once more assured him, he didn't have to worry. Nick was sure he wouldn't feel like this if there wasn't at least a little bit of truth behind it. Perhaps that was why he had passed out, because he had celebrated finding the solution to all his problems. The thought made him chuckle. He had no trouble giving the hotel boys a most exuberant smile and watching them having to greet him.

Looking forward to the sumptuous buffet, he entered the lounge. After picking a table and ordering coffee, he fetched his favourites from the buffet. While he was engaged in this, his gaze caught a familiar figure at a table further away. Birdie had pinned up her hair into a glorious structure of curls. She was doing great so far without Virgil, he thought. Putting his food down, he made his way to her table, wondering how she'd react after they had poured out their hearts to each other. Would she be embarrassed? Birdie noticed him when he came closer and her expression was friendly. “Good morning, Miss Callagher”, he greeted her. “Please, it's Birdie”, she said. “Alright, Birdie.” “Good morning, Nick”, she returned the greet. “Hey, I didn't mean to bother, I just saw you there and I thought I'll come over before you leave.” “Oh, it's fine. Join me, if you like. Or did you eat yet?” “No, I was getting started.” He pointed at his table. “I'll migrate.” She giggled. “Okay.” Soon, he sat with her and the waiter served his coffee.

“Finally”, Nick grabbed the cup. “Can't start the day without it.” “You're up early today”, she said. “Really?” Nick wondered how she knew how long he used to sleep. Was it so obvious? “What time is it, even?” “Only seven in the morning.” “What? What am I doing here in the middle of the night?” He shook his head. “Being hungry, perhaps.” “Right, that must be it.” He looked at her. “Are you always up that early?” “Uh-hu”, she said nodding. “Gosh, Virgil must've tortured you.” She stirred her yoghurt. “I've always been a morning person.” “Oh...”. He fell quiet, sorry that he had accused Virgil. Birdie eyed him.  “How are you doing?” Nick sighed. “I'm afraid my plan of keeping my head clear...It didn't quite work out.” “You had an awful day, huh?” “Uh...actually I don't know...I must've done something right because I feel...I feel like my band is okay...” He put down the cup. “I sound ridiculous, right?” “No, I don't think so”, she replied. “Perhaps you only had too much Joy and you'll recall everything soon. Is your band here too?” Nick pondered, picking up a piece of filled pastry. “No, I'm sure they're at my place.” Suddenly, he had to smile. “They're still with me.” “I've read your reunion story...it was in the newspaper.” Nick pricked up his ears. Arthur's article...they had been sitting here, in this lounge, creating it together. Back then he had been careful not to say too much about Morrie. But despite the lies, it had been a good story.

“You did all that by yourself, without any professional businessman's help.” Was it a comment or a question? The way she said it, it could've been both. “I was also lucky...”, Nick answered. “I needed so much time to figure out what I wanted...and who I needed. I recovered my old band out of luck. And if they hadn't gone along with me the project would've been doomed from the start.” “Is it really the same band you had with 16?” “Yeah, the original Make Believes and also the best.” “Wow,” Birdie swooned and leaned back. “I had a band once when I was in school, but we parted ways afterwards. I was the only one who wanted to make music for a living.” “Well, you made it all by yourself,” Nick complimented her. “And by Virgil...”, she added. “He only gave you the finishing touch.” “You're being sweet again.” “If you say so.” She laughed. “You think you can introduce them to me?” “Sure.” Then he held up a finger. “But don't even try. They're mine.” “I know. Do you think I would...?” “I was only joking”, Nick backed away. “Oh.” She giggled. “If they want to leave me for you, that's their decision.” “Come on, you're life-long friends! Cheer up a bit!” She punched his shoulder. “Yeah, you're right...I'm such a whinger this morning.” He shook his head. “That's why I shouldn't get up early.” “Just eat more, you're all pale.” Nick touched his cheek. “Am I?” “Yeah, it's hard to see where the mask ends.” She shoved his plate closer to him. He started to eat.

“I'm only talking about myself, how are you doing?”, he asked after a while. “I guess I'll be fine. I went to Hackney's, because his fancy creations always cheer me up and he told me about a manager who's looking for a new star. Also, I have a few requests from people and if they're not all bodgers I might try my luck with one of them. They wouldn't be Virgil, but...life goes on.” Nick nodded. “Looks like you'll make it.” “It won't hurt to try.” “I'll keep my fingers crossed.” He looked at her. “Thank you”, She said smiling. “And you? Do you have anything in view?” “No requests, I'm sure of it. Who would want me anyway?”, he said jokingly. “Now come on, the Golden God! Who would not want you?” “I'm a life task”, he assured her. “Getting me out of bed and on stage, making me remember the gigs, the songs, the chords and then getting me back home in one piece...I need someone enduring.” “Or someone assertive”, she chuckled. “Looks like General Byng is the right one for you.” “Oh, please no!” She laughed. “Oh, yes! I'll send him a message if you're too shy.” “How could you do this to me?” “I only want to help.” “You want to torture me until the end of my days!” “Well, maybe.” “This is what I get for being sweet...”, Nick lamented. “I better get back to bed and forget this happened.” “Aww, and I was so looking forward to solve your problem.” “You can take him. He'll like you more than me, I'm sure of it.” “But I'm a good girl, I don't need a general to push me around.” “Are you sure, Miss I'll-take-another-round?” “Now you're being petty!”, she played shocked. “I wonder if the general would approve.” They burst into laughter, what made the other guests look at them and screw up their noses.

Nick finished his breakfast and felt how he regained his strength, not only because of the food. “You're looking much better now”, Birdie commented. “Even better? How is that possible?” “Supercilious oaf”, she muttered. “What was that?” “Confident as always, our Nicky”, she said with the silkiest smile. “And miss Birdie never minces her words”, he said with a little bow. “I wish I could stay”, she sighed happily, “but I already have an appointment with one of my hopefully future managers.” “Good luck with that”, Nick answered. “I go see what my friends are really doing and make them presentable for a lady like you.” “Good luck with that, too”, she said laughing. “I'll need it.”

Nick left the hotel in a much better mood and stopped by his statue to say a few words to the manager he still missed. “Hey, Virgil”, he whispered. “I feel like everything will turn out alright, at least with the band. I hope I'm not wrong. That doesn't mean you'll ever be replaced.” More thoughtfully, he stepped closer to the statue, eyeing it's arms, as if there was something he should see. “If you could tell me what happened...give me a sign...please try...I'm groping in the dark here. You knew something, right? And that...killed you. It's so unfair.” More pensive, he turned away from the memorial and started to descend the stairs. “I'll be back”, he promised.

The day was nonetheless pretty. The sun was shining and even though the cold breeze told him it was undoubtedly autumn, the air was so clear that Nick felt like he could breathe freely again in a long time. The blue sky only had a few clouds scattered over it. He actually froze in his tracks to watch the sky. It was strange to see it being only blue, after it had been a bright kaleidoscope of colours for him most of the time. It was just a simple blue, but he found it pretty. It was so pure, so calm. It made him consider that maybe the good times weren't over yet. That there could be more.

Coming home, he figured that Constable Hunt likely thought the same, because he acted rather cheerfully. “Is everything alright?”, Nick asked the usually wary man. “Right as rain, sir, right as rain. Not that there is any rain.” He laughed. “The band still inside?”, Nick went on, fingers crossed. “Sure, nobody left the house today and I'm certain they're having a jolly good time.” “Okay...Anything else happening today?” “No, nothing worth the mention yet”, his happy Constable assured him. “Besides...I'd really like to try that Constable Rossetti's wife's cake.” Nick had nothing smart to say to that. Perhaps everything was simply alright this time, and why should it not be? He had really turned mistrusting in the past few days, perhaps it was time to move on. Inside, he heard his friends' happy chattering from the living room and joined up with them, smiling widely. “Hey, lads, how are you doing?” He froze when he saw who they had gathered around. “Nicky, you've been out for so long, I hope you've been good?”, Chris asked, half jokingly and half seriously. All eyes were on Nick now. “Or else you'll have to confess to our new manager”, Matt added, gesturing towards the man in their middle with a nod of his head. “New manager...”, Nick muttered. “You consulted me yourself, don't you remember, Nick?”, James said, giving him a wink. “I'm the substitute, as long as Mr. Dainty is recovering on holiday.” “Oh...well, I actually did...”, Nick was still struggling to understand. “Whoa, really? I'm sorry Nick, I thought you were screwing us over again,” Chris blurted out. “Me too...well...I wasn't sure...”, Matt said. “Why didn't you tell us?” They gathered around him now. “Because...because it was meant to be a surprise”, Nick played on. He received cheers and shoulder pats, but he only had eyes for James. “Now that this is settled, may I ask where you keep your documents? I'm sure they badly need a review”, James wanted to know. “Any new bills, Nicky?”, Brad added playfully. “Er...not yet, I think...”, Nick stuttered.

The cheerful band moved apart to free Nick, who then went to show James the way to the improvised office Virgil had established in a guest room. “This is it...uh...it might be a bit unorganised by now...” Nick found unopened letters on the desk and the blower was full of messages. “They could be fan mails though...” “It's fine, I can read my way through them”, James calmed him down. Nick watched him picking up the letters. He was still stunned. James noticed his eyes on him and locked gazes with his friend and protégé. “I'm sorry I caught you off-guard”, he said empathically. “I hope you don't mind having me as your manager, or at least as an assistance until you find a new manager you like.” Nick shook his head. “No, I don't mind...I want you around...” He blinked. “I just can't cope...First it looked like everything was falling apart and fate hated me but now so many good things happen to me all at once and I...I don't know how to feel...” He blinked again and a single tear ran down his cheek. James offered him a hug that Nick thankfully accepted.

The night was cold, but Nick didn't freeze. His new manager had taken him to a stroll and he followed the other man loyally. Jack was glad about the progress the boy had made. His trust into his mentor was unabated, even after the last events, when they had faced a little bit of trouble. Jack figured he still had to learn how to treat Nick's peaceable nature, but also with him, the boy was forgiving. So, the mentor's trust in Nick was just as unabated. Their stroll went peacefully, too. Jack had no certain target this time, he only wanted to spend time with Nicky and to see how he'd react all by himself. Nick had taken his hand as soon as they had left the town with all it's security devices. He seemed to like it more outside and Jack could understand him. What had surprised him was how well he got along in the Garden District. He knew many of the plants he most likely never saw in town, he knew what to use them for and he recalled certain places. “How do you know all this?”, Jack had asked him once. “Arthur told me”, Nick had told him, and his expression had turned lovingly. “He went into the Garden District with you?”, Jack had wondered. Nick had nodded proudly. “What were you doing in there?” Jack had been curious about the Downer's plans. “Oh...you know...”, Nick had giggled. “What lovers do.” “Didn't he know it was dangerous to go there?” “Not for him”, Nick had been certain. “He can defend himself.” Then Nick had given him a sheepish grin. “He taught me a few things...”

Jack had noticed with pleasure how Nick's anxiety against attackers had waned. Fighting had never been Jack's main goal, he used to hide in the shadows, or the very practical fog and took his victims by surprise. But Nick couldn't do that yet. However, he could fight back, and Jack could use that to his advantage. Or, he could simply use it to go for a nice walk with his friend without having to worry that he might get hurt.   Nick's pace became faster, and he seemed to eagerly pull at Jack's hand. “What's the hurry, my friend?”, Jack asked in an amused tone. “I want to show you something,” Nick explained, proving once more that he knew his way around. Jack gladly let him take the lead. It was funny how even the Wastrels went to bed at curfew like ordinary Wellies would do. The few plough boys claimed the place at night and Jack was mostly free to go wherever he wanted. Nick avoided them with confidence and guided his mentor into a forest, where it went darker. “Oh, spooky”, Jack said, facing Nick with his red eyes. Their glow was easier to see now that it was darker. Nick's irises were shimmering slightly. Their green rather turned into an orange. For now, that was. “We have to cross through this”, his protégé told him. “I know the way.” “Can you see in here?” Jack wondered if Blackberry Joy granted him night vision. “A little”, Nick admitted. “But we're almost there.” His look was begging. “Go on then, but be careful.” They went through the woods that Nick crossed just as certainly than he had crossed the ruins. When he began to pull at his hand more, Jack knew they were reaching their destiny. He was filled with tension.

“There”, Nick swooned, pointing forward. They had reached the coastal cliff, and from up above they could see the wide ocean that surrounded the little holms of Wellington Wells, keeping them apart from the rest of the world. It lay in darkness. The few stars that had managed to break through the clouds reflected in the waves, showing how the water was steadily moving. “Isn't it beautiful?” Jack had to admit this place had it's beauty. It was also a very romantic scene. “Did Arthur show you this?” “Yes”, Nick answered with a melancholic smile. Jack was moved. He put an arm around the boy, comforting him while they watched the waves swell. He could barely see where the water ended and the sky began. “You're right. It's beautiful.” Nick lifted up his head and eyed him, like asking a silent question. Jack's hand fondled Nick's back. He assumed he knew what the boy  was asking. Looking down to Nick, he began to stroke his cheek. Then he pulled him into a tighter embrace. Nick seemed to put up with it, leaning into the hug and remaining silent. Jack decided they would spend the night in peace this time. He could grant the boy a break and give him some time to show his affection. And perhaps even Jack needed a break himself. He sat down and Nick went along, clutching him.

Jack thought it was one of the best nights in his life, just being here, enjoying their closeness. Nick seemed to be happy, too. One time, he picked up a stone from the ground and tossed it down the cliff. They listened closely. “I can't hear it land”, Nick whispered. “That's because it fell very, very deep.” Nick eyed the ocean. “Can you swim?” “Oh...I remember swimming, so I guess I can...” Jack was taken aback by memories. “I think I can't”, Nick said regretfully and pulled out a stalk of grass. “If we could swim, we could get out of here, let all this behind us.” “But Nick, where would you go?” “I don't know”, the boy said pouting. “Somewhere nice. What about a desert island, only for us two? No haters, no critics, only us and the coconut palms.” Jack had to smile at that. “You mean, like going on holiday?” “Yeah, why can't we go for once?” “Because we're not done yet, my friend.” He patted Nick's back. “We can still have so much fun here. You won't be bored, trust me.” “We'll have fun?” “Yes. A lot”, Jack said firmly. “Can you teach me how to swim?” “Sure...” Nick stretched himself and put his cheek against his mentor's. They stayed like this for a while, an uncertain hug.

Sadly, also this night passed, like every other, and they had to go back. The walk though the forest was easier now, since it was a little bit lighter, and Jack too knew the way. Outside, Nick was avoiding the guards again, except for that one time when he suddenly went astray, letting go the hand of his mentor and protector and leaving in a fast pace. “Nick?”, Jack hissed, startled and angry. He had allowed himself to dwell in thoughts, living the moment and seemingly his protégé had made use of that. Had he lied about his affection? “Nick, come back! This is not the time to play hide and seek!” He followed the defiant brat and next to a ruin a made a find. Nick looked at him with wide eyes, apologizing. He knelt in the grass, keeping company with the body of a Wastrel. Nick's knife had already left it's marks in the bare, skinny chest. Jack couldn't tell how much life had been in the man when Nick found him. But it didn't matter. Touched once more, Jack kneeled down himself, looking lovingly at Nick and watching him do his delicate work from a distance. If he was a father for him, he was a very proud one.

Memories overwhelmed him again. Happy moments he had with his family. Moments he didn't know they would be the last memories he'll have of them. They were so far away now. It had been another life, another self. Now he was reclaiming a little bit of his old life back. He was watching Nicky just the way he would've watched his little Margaret building a sand castle. Or crafting one of her dolls. Even though she made most of them in secret. But she often came and proudly presented her work. She had been so talented! Perhaps she would've found her way around in Germany... Jack gasped. Oh, glorious Blackberry wisdom, you never grant me oblivion... “James?”, Nick approached him carefully. Jack looked up to him, struggling to smile. “You did well, my boy.” He now saw that Nick held out a blood-tripping heart. “This is for you.” Jack was baffled. He let Nick put the heart into his shivering hands. After looking at it for a while in silence, he broke out in tears.

[struwwelzeter]

So I read your reply to Nyarisu's comment on Lionheart and I'm really intrigued by your comments about how people understand punk compared to what it was initially. Could I possibly ask you to expand on this? Pretty please?

Yes you could! This is a very (very?) personal point of view and I know a lot of people will disagree, but here goes nothing, I guess. If you disagree with me (and somebody will), that’s fine, but I will not engage with anything that’s not a constructively put argument. I’ve spend too much time thinking about this for a “I don’t like what you’re saying and that’s why you’re wrong” anon to change my mind. Just putting that out there - with love 💜.

The thing is, especially on tumblr but I think just in generally aswell, the idea of punk is presented as this ... Robin Hood kind of thing. Beat the system, stand up to bullies, live your own truth, all of that, but it always is presented as something that is supposed to come from a ... dare I say, nice place? Like those pictures of people in studded and sprayed leather jackets rescuing puppies. All of that, you know? And I don’t want to say that is wrong, because it isn’t, and I love the idea of that, it’s just not the entire truth.

Especially in the early to mid 70s, when arguably punk started, there was a lot of fatigue between an old and stuffy establishment and the lovey, dovey peace and love “let’s all be happy” movement of the hippie scene. I was at Force Attack in 2006, which is a punk festival (and possibly dirtiest place in the world) that got established in the early 90s and went on til 2008 (?), and even then some of the “death to hippies” sentiments ran pretty deep. And I know the counter argument to that will be a well meaning “well, that’s not real punk,” the problem is that I think it actually partly is. (Please keep the partly in mind for the rest of this argument.)

The problem with having the exact choice between “get a good job, built a nice house, think of what the neighbours will say, and don’t ask me about what I did in the war” and “we’re all a big part of one human family, and isn’t nature beautiful, lets all make peace, and btw we would have never done what our parents did” is that both models aren’t a sustainable life style for everyone. That’s why you get alot of people saying this is all fake bullshit, and they start being purposely offensive. This is why you get alot of Swastikas around the sex pistols, you get all these artists singing about suicide and incest and rape. It’s not that uncommon for some of those early acts to play with Nazi imagery, or claim that homosexuality is disgusting (despite the scene always being full of LGBTQ+ people), or idk, thinking it’s fun to piss on someone while they’re asleep. It’s alot of outcry, of saying life actually is this shitty and disgusting and I am gonna be that because in a way you will hate me either way. And it’s not always nice. Disdain and hate and petty selfishness are common human emotions and many of them are low and unhealthy, and honestly not nice or helpful or inclusive, but they are there, and I think alot of that early spirit was just about stopping to pretend that they don’t exist.

I think a reason for why we don’t think of the scene that way anymore is that many people very quickly outgrew that, and said “actually, we’re better than that, that’s not who we actually are. I sadly can’t find that interview right now, but Die Ärzte are actually a good exemple of that and they even admit it themselves, that there was a sense of “enough with the happy hippie bullshit, let’s disgust them” and then later going “uhmm - maybe that went a bit far.” I mean offensive or not, but ultimately a scene that is centered around artistic expression always ends with that question of creation, maybe like “if the world isn’t like what we want it to be, how do we make one we like?” - and then you end up with having to come up with answers that are more than just destruction. And then it turns into something else - something that I think is alot more like what tumblr seems to think punk is. And that’s a wonderful thing. Still - a side of punk, whatever that is, has always been what people like GG Allin (please read the wiki for context) have taken and pushed to the limits, and it just - isn’t nice. And here is where things get a bit tricky.

Because against that backdrop, things like John Lydon (Johnny Rotten) suddenly being a dirty old Trump supporter aren’t that surprising anymore. And then you get these 20 year olds “cancelling” the Sex Pistols, and I think there is just a bit of ... missing the point going on. I’ve read a comment on here recently, that basically said something like Richard should stop supporting the Sex Pistols (because he has that album in the back of the studio), and it’s just ... asking for a history to be erased that has rightfully been made obsolete but has still happened and was necessary at the time. You can take any of these early bands and pick their lyrics apart and find something that from our perspective now is disgusting, mean, exclusive, or outright racist. Songs about Fucking? Part of that record is a mysogynisy shitshow, something they were very aware of even at the time, and they still did it anyway because being disgusting was part of the point. The thing is though, the Sex Pistols were hugely influential, and alot of the positive things that grew out of that wouldn’t have been possible if kids like young Richard, or any of the bands you love that were influenced by them, wouldn’t have gotten that moment of “finally a place where I can put all of my petty hate”. It matters, and just because that moment is overcome, it doesn’t mean it should be forgotten, or stops existing in the people that lived through it.

I understand that the question of how much we should justify things with “it was the time” and how we deal with the result is an ever ongoing debate and their are many good arguments for why maybe we shouldn’t try to defend the wrongs of the past that way, and I want to point out that while I rarely agree on that in the first place (because I understand history as a natural learning curve where people aren’t perfect at the first try and it’s doing a disservice to humans just doing their best, but I digress and that’s a bit of another duscussion), I want to point out that I don’t want to defend anyone, rather I want to say “actually, being that horrible was often calculated, part of the point, and if you don’t like it, just leave it, fight it or debate it, but don’t pretend like it was a “missstep” or just a few black sheep of a scene that was never as nice or perfect as you want it to be.” You don’t get to erase half of a movement simply because you wish it wouldn’t exist the way it does - or well. I guess in this case mostly did - past tense.

The ugliness is part of the story to me, and it’s actually the bigger part of why I love this scene. I don’t need “punk” to define my politics, I need it to soothe my soul, and so did many, I think. The Sex Pistols breaking happened 20 years before my time, but I still feel connected to that world, and in particular the ugly parts of it. I often feel like I look at the world, and there are people that seem honestly shocked by the idea that maybe sometimes I find doing the right thing really hard, that I want petty, self serving revenge, that I don’t find it easy to not be selfish and unkind or sometimes want to hurt people because I am hurting myself and see an opportunity to do that. Obviously those aren’t nice things and I don’t want to be that way, but are you honestly telling me you don’t feel that? I find that hard to believe, and it leaves me with an ongoing question of if I am just worse than most people or if most people are just more fake. Both scenarios are equally shit. The ugly side of punk provides - not an answer to that - but maybe a partial solution, at least for me.

Another discussion we have all the time is about how what we consume or allow in artistic expression is influencing how we act as people in real life and how we want the world to be. Where do we draw the line? What is still ok? If I put me entertaining ideas about murder on a canvas, is that still good? what if it’s racism? What if it’s rape? We argue alot about how providing a safe space in art for those feelings is actually preventing us from acting on it in real life, how it’s an outlet of something we would never actually want or do, but then where is the limit to that? I am putting this intentionally controversial, but if we admit that most of us grow up with internalized racism and mysogyny, by that logic, why can’t I paint something that is blatantly hateful if I have those feelings? Maybe that is my way of fighting it, you don’t have to look at it? Not saying that’s what I am doing or would want to do, but what if? For some people Rammstein singing about not wanting to be Angels is crossing that line, for some of us that line is drawn alot later. Who is right? Isn’t that just personal sensitivity? Can you honestly rationalise that? Isn’t it just processing our different levels of petty hate in different ways? I don’t have the answers to any of that, it’s just questions I often have and that I think have to do with this, because alot of the nasty bits in punk will justify it exactly that way, as artistic expression. Alot of it isn’t as political as this scene is made out to be, it’s simply asking those things. I personally relate to that alot, as someone who arguably would draw the line of “we should stop doing this” in art very, very, very late - and certainly later than my own personal comfort zone.

I’m not sure if any of this makes any sense at all. I hope it does - and if it doesn’t it’s probably because I don’t know either, or because I don’t want to fully blow this up into an essay (sorry, too late?) or because I suck at making a point, or maybe because we simply disagree. All I know is that I sometimes see these posts of “what is punk and what isn’t” and it leaves me with this taste of “you’re describing a utopia and it’s cute and I want that too, but it’s not everything punk as I know it is, and it feels like you don’t want to see something that mattered too - even if it was brutal and disgusting.” And everytime I see it I feel alien, like something that mattered to me so much as a teenager and young adult gets taken away from me and made into something so sleek and pretty it becomes something unattainable to be that I simply don’t manage to live up to in the way I would like. I guess that is a petty, selfish way of looking at it too.

«It's a repressive society where you can't be horrible, I'm not horrible, they made me horrible, I'm just honest.»

- John Lydon

[a-simple-imagine]

Meet the Parents

Requested by anonymous:  “Could you maybe do one where her and reader are on a mission and reader gets a call about a family emergency and the reader brings Helena and they’re still in their clothes from the mission and Helena meets the readers family for the first time?”

Requested by anonymous:  “hi, I’m the anon asking about you writing for Helena, could you possibly do where she saves reader and she takes care of reader and they end up falling in love??”

Pairing: Helena Bertinelli x fem!reader 

Words: 3.2k+

A/N- I combined both requests to make them longer, I hope that's okay. 

Warnings - swearing, injury mention, stabbing, and blood. 

"You go that way." She instructs quietly, pointing past your left shoulder. You glance in that direction and then back at her as she points the opposite way. "I'll go this way. Find an advantage point then wait for my signal okay? We don't need a repeat of last time."

You roll your eyes. You messed up one time and she's never let you live down. "What about Dinah? Shouldn't she be here? This doesn't seem like a two-person job."

"We'll be fine," she assures you but you're not confident it will be. "Now go." Reaching out, you grab the woman's hand before she has a chance to walk away; pulling her back against you.

"Don't die," You don't expect her to, she was a trained assassin after all. If anything you were more likely to get hurt than she was but you'd grown used to saying that before a mission. Your lips collide in a quick unplanned kiss. She tasted oddly like coffee and you wonder when she had a chance to stop off and get some. Pulling gently on her bottom lip as you pull back, you do as instructed. Disappearing off to the left as she went right. Creeping silently behind large creates of what you assume are guns but could very possibly be drugs or anything else. Some criminals couldn't pick a particular trade; they just had to dabble in a few of them. You spy a dozen or so men stood around. The leader was obviously your target and he stood dead centre shouting about a shipment. The buzzing in your pocket catches you off guard and you panic as you pat yourself down. Shit. Luckily nobody else seemed to hear it and you let out a breath. It was just a text from your mom but the contents leave you conflicted. Spying Helena across the way, she meets your eyes with a disapproving frown. You hesitate for a second, pulling your eyes from the other woman and back to your phone before abandoning your post. This was important; surely she'd understand. Rushing outside, your hit by the cool mid-afternoon breeze. You suddenly felt very hot and suffocated in that large warehouse. Helena joins shortly after. You prepare for a lecture but she seems more confused than angry.

"What's up?"

"I..." You feel guilty now but you shouldn't. It was just one job. "can we do this another time? I gotta go."

"What do you mean?" She asks, taking a step closer as you take a step away. "Go where?"

"Home-" That's not right. You share an apartment with her and have for a while now. "I mean my parent's house. Would it be suspicious to get an Uber from here?"

"...yeah." She stated plainly. It probably wasn't wise to request one to an old creepy warehouse full of criminals. "If you tell me where it is, I can take you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," She nods, brushing some stray hair out of the way. The woman waves her hand dismissively. You had expected her to demand more of an explanation; you would but you were grateful she didn’t. "Yeah, of course. These assholes can wait."

Your parents only live a few hours away but you don't visit often. You're much too busy and frankly, you just never wish to do so. It's not that you dislike them, you love them very much, you're just not all that close as a family.

"So, are you gonna tell me why we dropped everything to come here or?" Helena trails off as you both walk up hand in hand up the front path. She was trailing just a few steps behind you.

"My grandma got rushed into hospital so my parents summoned me." You explain softly. "They're not always the most complimentary so please be nice, I've never brought anyone home with me before."

Face to face with the door, Helena ends up being the one to knock and she gives your hand a reassuring squeeze. "It'll be okay."

The door swings open and you find your father staring back. He hasn't changed much; he just looks slightly older. You could see the grey among his brown hair. The wrinkles that were just about there. "If it isn't my favourite daughter."

"I'm your only daughter, dad."

He offers up a smile as you brush past. "And she's brought a friend." As if on queue your mother appears in the living room just as you walk into it. It takes everything in you not to let go of Helena's hand. It wasn't that you were embarrassed, they just didn't know.

"Helena, these are my parents," you take a deep breath. "Mom and Dad, this is Helena Bertinelli, my... girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Your mother questions.

"Bertinelli? Like the Bertinelli massacre?" Your dad asks and your eyes go wide. You turn to check on Helena but she seems fine.

"Jesus, dad." You scold, surprised by just how quickly he brought it up. The massacre of a massive crime family gets around but he didn't need to bring it up the moment they meet.

"You... don't have to answer that."

"It's fine," Helena assures you. "Yes, that Bertinelli."

"I expected a girl but this definitely wasn't what I pictured- no offense... what was your name again? Helen?"

"Her name's Helena, mom." You huff.

Why are you both dressed like they're having a sale at the fancy dress shop?" Somehow that was both accurate and an insult. You had come straight from a mission, there was no time to change and your parents didn't know about the whole crime-fighting thing.

"Oh, we came from... work?" You explain with an awkward chuckle. "Is grandma okay? Or did you just bring me here to insult my outfit?"

It was like all the air in the room had been sucked out. Both parents went silent. Helena moves a little closer to you. "You should probably go see her," your mom mumbles quietly. "Your dad can take you."

The car ride to the hospital was filled with 80's throwback music and zero conversation. You sat in the back, Helena next to you with your father behind the wheel. Your mother stayed behind. Your grandma wasn't even awake when you went in. It was just dark and clinical. The beeping of machines all around. You couldn't stay there long; it was all just too much. You basically run out of the room, collapsing against the wall. Helena walks up alongside you. "Here," she holds out a plastic cup of water. You graciously accept, thanking her before taking a sip. "Are you okay?" You think about what she has asked. Of course, you weren't but you nod a little. "Look at me." You keep your eyes down. "Look at me, Y/N." Her voice was firmer this time and reluctantly, you glance towards her. "You don't have to be okay." You hold her gaze for a moment, she has such beautiful eyes. Swallowing hard, you wrap your arms around her and pull her close. Helena squeezes you tightly; tighter than she ever has before. Her hand smoothes over your back. She eventually pulls away, taking your hand instead and leading you towards the waiting area. It was empty.

"Were you close to her?" Helena asks softly, sitting down beside you. "You've just never talked about your family much before so-"

"I'm not really close with any of them," you interrupt softly. "But I was when I was younger- with my grandma, I mean. It's just... difficult when it's sprung on you, y'know? I don't know how I'm supposed to feel."

"I'm sure she'll be fine but even if she's not, you're not alone in this."

"I don't have that kind of relationship with my parents." You admit almost sadly.

"I didn't mean them," Helena replies, she places a finger under your chin pushing you to look at her. She wore the most gentle of smiles. "I know what it's like to lose family. I was so angry at the world but I will be here for you, every step of the way."

You can't help but smile back, resting your head on her shoulder. Your girlfriend puts one arm around your shoulder and you just sit there together; listening to the world around you pass by.

"You two ready to go?" You nod in response to your father's voice as he walked into view.

"Dad?" You call from a few steps behind him.

"Yeah?"

"Do you mind if we stay the night?"

He hesitates, looking back at the both of you but continuing the journey to the car. "Of course not, We can make up the guest room."

"Is that okay with you?" You realise you forgot to ask Helena what she wanted. Of course, she could leave any time, it was entirely her decision. She nods a little in agreement and you're happy she does.

It was later than expected when you finally pull up outside your parent's house. It didn't feel like you had been gone that long but clearly, time was running a marathon today. At the kitchen table you're sat watching your girlfriend help out - or more so engage in a conversation - with your father. He'd basically forced her into it but at least she seemed to be enjoying herself. Your mother was sat across from you, silently filling in the crossword puzzle from today's paper.

"You got yourself a good one there," The comment from your mother was surprising. They could be incredibly judgemental and Helena wasn't always the best when it came to other people. You appreciated her trying. "She seems to really care about you."

"Hey Y/N." Your attention is drawn from your mother to your father. "Set the table would you?"

"Sure." You do as you're told, collecting the plates and cutlery; setting four places around the table. A silent look of concern from your girlfriend, you give her a small smile.

"So, how did you two meet?" Your father asks when you're all finally settled down for dinner.

"Well... it's a little complicated." God, it felt like a lifetime ago now.

***When you left the house today you never expected to end up in the middle of a fight. You also didn't expect to get hurt. Your arm was aching, your chest heaved. Your entire body felt like it was on fire. You managed to stay conscious enough to see someone grab you. It was a girl with a crossbow. She was giving you a ride somewhere; hopefully to a hospital but that was not the case. Probably a good thing considering you did not have the money or insurance to cover the visit. Instead, you were lying on an uncomfortable couch in a rather expensive looking apartment. The same girl comes marching over with a first aid kit, sitting down beside you. With soaked cotton wool, she attends to the injury on your arm. You can't help but flinch at her touch.

"Stay still," she growls. As much as it stings you manage to stay pretty still. It was only a scratch you could get through it. A tight bandage is wrapped around your upper arm. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

You nod slowly; hand shaking as you reach to take pull off your protective layer. The woman ends up having to help you; she gets your jacket off and pulls up your blood-soaked shirt. "Holy shit," She seems surprised. "Why didn't you tell me about this one first?"

"Sorry," you mumble weakly, eyes beginning to drift. "it's... it's my, uhm, first time being stabbed."

"Jesus." The woman slaps you clear across the cheek; you blink in shock.

"What the fuck?"

"I need you to stay awake until I'm done, okay?" You groan as you let your eyelids close. "I'm serious."

Staying awake was more difficult than it seemed to be. The pain was very much helping in that department as she tended to the wound but you just felt so tired. The world around you seemed to be fading. You bring your non-injured arm up to rub at your eyes. The woman applies pressure to your wound that earns a loud Yelp in pain. "I said stay awake."

"Hurry up," you whine.

"I didn't have to help you," she fires back sharply. "I could have left you to bleed out on the street so if I was you, I'd keep that mouth shut, okay?" You swallow hard, laying silently until she's seemed to be done. "Still tired?"

"Mhmm."

"Do you remember what happened?"

You thought back to the events and they were hazy but you could still relive them. "I... got in the uh... I got in the way so some dude stabbed me and then like... he shoved me aside. I hit my head on the floor when I collapsed."

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Hand shoved in your face, you count the fingers.

"Three."

"Do you feel sick?" You shake your head.

"Just very sore." There are no more questions so you snuggle against the cushions and drift off to sleep.

You're entire body is screaming in pain when you finally wake up. Sun streams through a crack in the curtains. You attempted to push yourself up but the pain was too much and you collapsed back down against the couch. "Good, you're awake. I wasn't too sure you were gonna make it."

"The hospital would have been a good start."

"Yeah, no." She doesn't even attempt to give you an explanation.

"I feel like shit." You cough a little as you struggle to roll onto your side. "Where are we?"

"You hungry?" She's stood in what you assume is the kitchen area, leaning back against the counter.

"No," you shake your head. "Who even are you?"

"Take these," she walks over and hands you a glass of water along with some pills. You hope they're pain killers. "I'm... Helena."

"Helena," you repeat, popping the pills into your mouth with a gulp of water. "That's a pretty name."

"Uh, thanks," she turns away from you entirely. This woman - Helena - she was pretty in a non-classical way. She seemed tense around you but that was probably because you are complete strangers.

"I'm Y/N." You tell her with a smile. "Thanks for helping me."

"It's fine." Her shoulders rise in a little shrug. "I'd recommend staying put for the next couple days. Unless you got somewhere to be then you're free to leave."

"Couldn't even if I wanted to," it'd hurt too much to get up never mind find your way back to your place where you lived alone. Glancing down, the patch she had put in place was stained deep red. You know you shouldn't but you can't help but press a finger against it; teeth gritting at just how intense the pain was. "I hope I get a scar."

"Why?"

"It'll be a cooler story if I have a scar." You explain. It's more believable if you have a scar too.

"Do you mind?" She points at your wound. You frown but let it go ahead. She peels back the gauze and cleans up the wound a little. You can't help but retreat from her touch. The very stern look you received in return very quickly brought you to a stop. A cheeky smile on your lips.

Helena was rather awkward to stay with. In the sense that you were both complete strangers and she clearly wasn't used to dealing with people. She was nice though. She brought you pain medication when you asked and food whenever she could. She even let you sleep in her bed while she slept on the couch. You told her it wasn't necessary but she insisted. The thing was that even being in such close proximity with her, you didn't learn much about her other than she was a very closed off person. She liked to keep to herself. Days turned into weeks and you were slowly but surely beginning to feel better.

It was still early; Helena was softly snoring away on the couch. You had everything prepared but you were too awkward to wake her up so you just waited patiently at her dining table. Popping one grape after another into your mouth.

"Good morning. What time do you call this?" You tease when you finally notice her begin to stir. It was only like nine a.m. but you'd been up since six so it felt much later. Days felt longer when you got up early. “I’ve been up for hours.”

"Hey," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes softly. "What are you doing?"

"I made you breakfast. It took twice as long because everything hurt but I got it done," you declare proudly. "By the way, you're now out of eggs and orange juice so you need to go to the store." Helena's lips curl up into a tiny smile as she joins you at the table.

"This is... nice. Thank you."

"No need to thank me," Now that she's here you finally feel like you can start eating so you pick up a fork and dig it into a piece of scrambled egg. "It's to say thank you for looking after me." Helena's smile grew just slightly before picking up the fork and digging in too. "I was thinking I should probably go home at some point." Helena nodded along. "But I was hoping that maybe... if you wanted to... we could like grab a coffee or something once I feel better?"

Helena freezes, meeting your curious gaze. You immediately regret your decision. "Or not. We don't have to if you don't want to- I just... I thought this was nice and I wanted to see you again but if you don't want to that's fine. Totally cool- forget I even said anything."

An awkward silence followed but after a few seconds, she spoke again. "I would like that,"***

"You got stabbed?" Your mum quarried, clearly surprised by your story. Your father, on the other hand, seemed more than amused

"Yeah, while ago. I have the scar of you wanna see? Without this one, I probably would have died."

"Guess we should thank you for keeping our girl alive." You dad adds.

"Oh, that's not necessary. I'm glad I did it." Your hand finds her thigh which you gently squeeze under the table.

Family dinner was nice. It was the first time in forever you had just sat down and had a nice meal. You watched a movie after before deciding to call it a night early. Today had been one hell of an emotionally exhausting day. Now you lay in the darkness. Helena was next to you but you weren't sure if she was awake or not until she turned onto her side to look at you. "How you holding up?"

"I'm okay," you decide, turning your head to look at her. "I just keep thinking about what you said in the hospital. It really helped."

"I'm glad," she declares. "I'm always here for you, Y/N. No matter what."

"I know," you nod, turning your entire body to her. "And I love you for that. I'm glad you're here."

"I love you." The girl taps you very gently on the end of your nose. "And I'm glad I'm here too."

[howlingmedic]

Coming Home: Chapter 4

Coming Home:

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Synopsis: what happens when the person who finally made their world make sense is taken from them? What happens when the people who were supposed find her can’t? Warnings: high key angst, fighting (lots), miscommunication (so much), references to blood, idiots in love who don’t know what to do with themselves, Tony trying to be supportive Relationship: Stucky x Angel!OFC A/N: Instead of doing any of the things I should have, I wrote the flashbacks for this chapter. It’s long. Very long. I’m sorry. I’m a disaster human who can’t cut down on content. Word Count: 5k (I’m sorry)

Chapter 4: Memories, Revelations, and Hope

Knowing, or at the very least being fairly sure, Allie was alive did not mean finding her was a cakewalk. It turned out it was her blood on the angel blade. That piece of news had left Bucky in bed for almost 24 hours straight and convinced him she couldn't be alive. It wasn’t until Steve coaxed him out to try praying again that he redoubled down on her being alive. Whenever there was that intangible feeling of her grace to cling to, things got a bit easier. Further analysis of the blood came back a couple of days after the initial confirmation of her DNA, and it divulged information that proved far more useful: the blood was fresh, no more than a week old. “Of course, the blade could have been transported there to throw us off, but given that we didn’t have any leads, that just doesn’t add up,” Sam explained over the phone when he finished reading off the report the lab tech had sent him.

Sam hadn’t even finished talking by the time Bucky was headed for his suit. Steve hastily thanked their friend and darted across the apartment to slow Bucky down. “I’m going after her, Stevie. 104 fuckin’ days. We’ve been without her 104 days, and we’ve almost killed each other god knows how many damned times. I’ve waited long enough. ‘M gonna rip that fuckin’ base apart,” Bucky growled before Steve even got the chance to say a word or reach out for him.

“I wasn’t going to say we don’t go for the base,” Steve fibbed and quickly changed track, “I just was going to say we do some more scans of it and the surrounding area. It’s pretty obvious we missed something, and these fuckers have proven they’re slippery bastards.” The last few words slipped into his Brooklyn accent that only comes out when he’s truly emotional about something - even when that emotion is hatred. Bucky’s eyes snapped up to meet Steve’s at the change in his voice, and his hands stilled in the bag he was rifling through.

“You’re afraid of these guys,” he stated. And wasn’t that the damned truth. Tactically, Steve’s plan was probably the better option as well. Less emotionally charged. More measured. That didn’t mean shit to Steve this time, though. Nothing about what they had done to this point had been in the name tactical soundness. There had been more than one instance of busting into bases and hideouts with no plan other than “find Allie.”

Steve nodded and shrugged before he could find the words to answer. “Well, yeah, Buck. I already lost her to them. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you too,” he finally said and closed the gap between them. “Will you let me ask Tony if he could do a fly-by? A few more scans? Maybe look for some subterranean spaces?” Steve asked hesitantly as he reached out to grasp Bucky’s wrist. Their eyes met again, and Bucky pulled back from Steve; in the process, the bag flew across the roomy and hit the opposite wall with a heavy thud.

“Are you seriously going to try to coddle me? Fucking protect me?” Bucky seethed and stomped off to grab the bag. His entire body radiated rage from the way his shoulders were set and locked to the purpose with which he walked.

It hit Steve like a truck that the only time he had seen that gait was when he faced the Soldier. He rolled his shoulders and squared them. If Bucky wanted to fight, fine. Steve wasn’t going to let him leave for a suicide mission that easily. “Yeah. I am gonna fucking protect you,” He retorted. Each word out of his mouth became a little more thickly laced in his Brooklyn drawl, and by the time he got through the sentence, he sounded like he had stepped back into the ’40s. This time Bucky didn’t flinch at it.

“How do you plan on keeping me here, Steve?” Bucky asked drily.

“I’m not above fightin’ ya. Not if it’ll keep ya safe,” Steve answered, temper rising and eyes narrowing.

Bucky started digging in the bag again, searching for something Steve couldn’t identify. “Since fucking when have you given a shit about safety?” And that sounded so much more like the old Bucky that it stunned Steve to silence for a split second. Usually, a reaction like that would’ve made Bucky laugh no matter how at each other’s throats they were. Tonight it just made him scoff and roll his eyes. “See, even you know you’ve never cared before.”

“That’s fucking absurd,” Steve spat, finally stepping closer while eyeing Bucky’s hands.

“Well, I can’t come up with a single other damned time you’ve stopped for safety when it was a choice between having someone you love back in your life and losing them!” He shouted, and Steve thought he might finally see where this was headed.

“What? Because I stopped fighting you? Is that what this is about? Huh, Buck? Is this about me choosing not to kill you on that damned helicarrier? Are we really going to drag this back up?” Steve shouted back, matching Bucky’s volume, and throwing his hands up in frustration.

“Yes! Damn it, Steve! What’s different? You started an entire fucking war and nearly let me fucking kill you to save me! What the fuck is different about me charging in there guns blazing?” Bucky yelled. Just then, his hands closed around something in the bag. He drew it out, and he let out an unsteady breath. Steve’s furious reply about growing up and actually having something to live for now died on his tongue. Bucky drew out a book Steve had only seen once before. It was one of Bucky’s most treasured possessions, one that was intensely private, one that was from before it had been the three of them - when it was just him and Allie.

The first thing Steve noticed when he looked up at the sound of footsteps slowing at his office was that Allie was humming a Christmas song under her breath. It was mid-September, and apparently she was already thinking about Christmas. Steve smiled and listened as she explained she wanted to do something special, something Bucky could cling to on the bad days when his memory wasn’t great, or he was stuck reliving the bad moments. Steve was about to counter her statement with the same line he usually used when she got stuck in her like this, “You being there is enough, Alex. He only needs you.” This time he was cut off before he got the chance. She needed Steve’s help, “to pull it off,” she had said with a smile that lit up the whole room. When he had asked what that meant, she had blushed an adorable shade of pink and suddenly resembled a child who was certain their parent was going to say no to their request. “I need you to falsify some mission reports, make it look like I’m out doing reconnaissance or something. Bucky can’t know why I’m gone, it’ll ruin the surprise,” she had explained while twirling her hair around her finger, and that was the day Steve learned the angel’s nervous habit, and he couldn’t help but smile.

“If you’re doing it for Buck, Alex, I’m not gonna say no, but I have to know where you’re going, and you’re not going alone,” he had answered cautiously with his brows furrowed in confusion.

“I won’t be leaving New York, at least not immediately… I just won’t exactly be reachable,” she had answered coyly, her fingering never ceasing its movement.

“Alex, cut the crap. What are you up to?” Steve asked firmly but warmly, and she went scarlet as her finger stilled, and she began to chew on her bottom lip.

“Well, I - uh,” she started and sighed. “I’m going back in time to collect a few things to put in a scrapbook. It’ll take a lot of grace, which is why I need to have the cover story of some missions, but I shouldn’t be in any real danger. Nobody had any angelic weapons on Earth back then, and I know exactly where to pop into to get like 98 percent of what I need.” When she started explaining, the words rushed from her as though she had been dying to tell somebody her plan, and by the time she stopped talking, her eyes were shining with excitement, and that dazzling smile was back on her face. Steve was powerless to say no.

The next time he had been involved with the book, Allie had shown up at his office with an exhausted smile stretched across her face and a few pieces of blank paper in her hand. “It’s all finished except for your letter,” She said from the doorway, and all Steve could do was nod. She had told him two weeks ago that she wanted a letter from everyone in The Tower for the book, notes to help remind Bucky that he really did have a family here, that he belonged. Steve was the last one left who hadn’t been able to produce something. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to write a letter; he just didn’t know what to say. How can you sum up a friendship that ran as deep as theirs? Steve rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms.

“Leave the paper here; I’ll text you when I’m done. Promise I’ll get it to you by morning,” he told her and glanced bleary-eyed at the clock. Two in the morning. He didn’t need sleep, and the reports could wait. That was the night he had fallen for the angel he could never have.

When Bucky showed Steve the book, Bucky and Allie were engaged, and Allie was in a coma. Or...they thought she was in a coma. Nobody was entirely sure if the daughter of an archangel could go into a coma, not even Loki. Bucky insisted she would pull through, but Steve had his doubts. Steve had been there when Allie tried to sacrifice herself to heal Bucky on the battlefield. He had been the one to pull Allie away from Bucky to stop her from doing just that. He had been the one to scream into the comms that he needed Loki. He had watched the God save them both. Finish what Allie had started with Bucky and somehow restore an angel who risked everything to save his best friend, and then he had sat in the MedBay with Bucky. Pouring over a book Allie had painstakingly assembled by hand and listening to Bucky as he recounted each memory stored in those pages, each way she had helped to hold him together, the ways she completed him. Steve’s heart broke, and yet he fell in love with both of them. One love that had always been there, and one that was new, and yet it wasn’t his to have. Until it was.

Steve’s mind hurdled back to the present, and he tried to shake off the last memory. It was a time he would always rather forget. He looked again at the book in front of him and realized it was different. The golden block lettering on the brown leather cover was an elegant, thin, silver script, and this one was less worn. It was new, brand new. That was the starkest contrast to the well-worn leather cover of Bucky’s book that had a permanent home next to Bucky’s leather chair in their living room at home.

“What - what’s that?” he asked lamely.

“Something that might just fuckin’ pull your head out of your ass,” Bucky groused and lobbed the book at him. Steve caught it effortlessly and flipped it open. It was similar, strikingly so, but not entirely the same as the one Bucky had at home. There were many of the same photos and ticket stubs filling the beginning pages. Then news clippings of the Howlies much like before, but interspersed were drawings Steve hadn’t seen in decades. Ones that had been “lost to time,” as the Smithsonian had put it. Steve faltered and swayed on the spot. She had done what she promised never to do again: gone back in time. She had risked everything for him to have these pieces of his past. The ones that were exclusively Steve. The intimate moments shared alone in his Captain’s tent with Bucky that he had captured and the dancing monkey drawing. She had saved all of them, and in doing so, she had kept them from the press. She had saved him again.

Steve’s legs started to buckle, and he less than gracefully got himself to the ground before falling. From his spot on the floor, he glanced up at Bucky, who had started to check his weapons. If the other man had seen him hit the ground, he didn’t let it show. Steve kept leafing forward. There were the notes from teammates and photos of the group, of him alone, of little moments spent with his family. Then there was a longer note. He stopped. He couldn’t. Not now. He couldn’t read her carefully chosen and delicately written words. The elegant swoop of her script danced across the page, and Steve snapped the book closed.

This wasn’t how he was supposed to given this gift, of that much he was sure. “How dare you,” he breathed from just behind his fiancé. “How fucking dare you?” He asked again when Bucky didn’t respond quickly enough. Steve’s fists were clenched at his side, and he was acutely aware of the fact that Bucky held a loaded pistol in his metal hand.

“I needed you to realize what she did just ta make ya smile,” Bucky snarled and spun around, discarding the weapon lazily. If this went to blows, it was going to be fists. “Needed you to know how much she fucking cares and see how absurd you sound asking for more scans!”

“Why? Why, Bucky? Because I want us to make it out of this alive?” Steve pleaded. He wasn’t even sure he was angry anymore. He was just frustrated and confused.

“Because she wouldn’t wait! She would fucking go in there without a second thought,” Bucky finally shouted and threw his hands in the air in frustration.

“Jesus,” Steve sighed and ran his hand through his hair, “that’s what’s got you this worked up?”

“Yeah, it bloody is,” Bucky growled as his anger started to mount again.

“Damn it, Buck! Listen to yourself!” He pushed a few weapons aside and sat on the table on which Bucky had placed the checked ones. “First of all, if we don’t make it, we can’t bring her home. She’s always reminding us we are still technically humans who can, in fact, die. Don’t do a whole lotta good to go rescue her if we ain’t there to help her recover, does it?” Steve asked but didn’t give him any time to answer. “And you think she could ever forgive herself if we got hurt or died trying to save her?” This time Steve paused and looked up at Bucky expectantly. The other man’s features had softened substantially, and he had the decency to look slightly bashful, finally.

“No,” he whispered and set the knife whose locking mechanism he had been inspecting down.

“Exactly. Besides, if we take the time to do some scans, we can organize the team. Tony has been working on isolating the energy signature of her grace from previous times she’s used it. He might be able to scan for her like you would for a heat signature.”

“Ok. Ok, fine,” Bucky huffed and shuffled away. Just like that, the anger was gone. The promise of backup, of not being alone anymore, was enough, and Steve let out of a silent sigh of relief.

Steve turned to go after him only to find him picking up the book. Every ounce of fear and heartbreak Bucky had weathered these past several months showed in his eyes when he stood back up. “Did you even read what she said, Steve?” Bucky asked tightly, the plates of his arm shifting anxiously.

“I couldn’t, babe. Not like this,” Steve admitted and came to stand in front of him. He didn’t reach out to him; he never was the first to initiate contact after a fight like this one. He would always let Bucky dictate the pace because he often needed longer to calm down, but Steve did take the book gingerly from Bucky’s hand and set it aside. “I’m guessing she was waiting for a special occasion to give it to me?”

“Yeah, your birthday,” Bucky answered quietly, his fear and frustration deflating into something more vulnerable, but Steve couldn’t place what. When his gaze finally met Steve’s properly, the pain written across every feature was enough to put a lump in Steve’s throat.

“Bucky… babe, what?” Steve asked disjointedly as his eyes darted to the book and then back to Bucky’s face.

“S’nothing that changes anything… just not sure, not sure she’ll be ready again,” Bucky mumbled and turned away, but Steve saw tears begin to well in his eyes.

“Doll? Whatcha mean ready?” he asked even though he thought he might know what Bucky had meant; he still needed to hear it.

It was a question she asked often and in many varied forms: “What do you see in our future?” It was usually asked under cover of darkness, with sweaty limbs tangled in sheets, and only the stars and city lights to illuminate the room. This time, however, it was asked in the Tony called them. Steve had a hunch they were only labeled safe houses because of how remote they were.

The latest mission went long, a month longer than anyone had anticipated, and Allie had proposed a vacation. Unsurprisingly, neither Steve nor Bucky protested. All three were a bit worse for wear, and Allie’s wings had suffered the brunt of an explosion. If a vacation would keep her from trying to get back in the field too early, Steve would take a vacation. Something sounded different in Allie’s voice when she asked what their futures might look like this time, though. She sounded less idly curious and like she was leading to something. Her gaze seemed far off as she took in the pool deck and the coastal view. Bucky’s hand that had been tracing up her bare thigh froze. Steve gave her a long considering look and cleared his throat to buy himself another moment to decide on an answer. He refused to jump to any conclusions. He and Bucky had concluded months ago that they wanted a family with her, but Allie said there were things she needed to handle first. Threats that had to be taken care of and people who needed to be behind bars, if not underground.

“Doll, why do you ask?” Steve asked with the utmost caution. He wouldn’t push it, not now. Not ever. No matter how much he wanted that life.

“I just… what if we got away from the fights? I’m so damned tired of fighting,” she grumbled and rolled so she was laying across their laps. “I don’t know about anything else, but I know I’m tired of fighting.”

That had been seven months ago. They hadn’t stopped fighting yet. Every time they talked about it, there was another group popping up who were threatening to end the world, or another alien invasion trying to enslave humanity. It never ended, and now Steve was holding his breath because here was Bucky implying he might have been free in a matter of weeks. The summer heat of the apartment suddenly melted away and left an icy chill in Steve’s chest where his heart should be.

Bucky turned back to face him, but he didn’t speak. He just stared at the book. When his gaze finally flitted back to Steve, the dam broke, and he started rambling. “She wanted to try… she was ready… and she wanted to tell you with something special, something that you could add memories to like I can do with mine. She put together one for the three of us too, but I left the others at home. I thought - I thought I would give you yours if we failed, so you would know how much she loved you. That there was no way in hell she gave up without fighting; so that we could look at the good times together, but I got so damn angry cause I knew what we should be going through together right now, and it ain’t this shit.”

There it was. The blow that sent Steve reeling. She had wanted to try. She had wanted to start a family. He should be painting a nursery, and instead, they’re squatting in a derelict building. He should be trying to figure what he can eat around her without making her sick, but instead, they’re stealing from the restaurant two doors down. This was all wrong. All fucking wrong. He stared unseeingly at Bucky. His eyes were glazed with tears, and yet none would fall. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. He certainly couldn’t speak.

“Steve?” Bucky asked after several moments of utterly still silence, but no matter how hard Steve blinked to clear his eyes and look at Bucky, the tears wouldn’t budge. It took several more seconds for him to comprehend that his face was wet with them. Once that registered, a shuddering sob wrenched itself from somewhere deep in his soul, and he hit his knees. The contact with the ground stung, but he didn’t care. That didn’t matter. If anything, the pain was welcomed because it was the only thing that made sense. The life he had built with the only two people on this planet who could see beyond the walls he put up had crumbled in front of him. The future he had dreamed of had been within grasp, and then it had been snatched from him like every other good thing he ever had.

He couldn’t be sure how long he had wept when he felt Bucky’s metal hand close around his shoulder, heavy and cold. It grounded him back to the moment, and slowly his sobs subsided. “You with me?” Bucky breathed, and Steve hiccuped and nodded. “We can still have that life. It ain’t gone, promise,” Bucky continued, and Steve sat there numbly. “I went through this too when we first lost her, s’why I spent so much time meditating and alone. I had to grieve not only her but the life we were going to live, but Steve, we’ve got a lead. A real one. Yeah, we need to be a bit more measured than I was gonna be, but we’re on the brink of bringing her home.”

Something in what Bucky said clicked in Steve’s brain. He wasn’t sure what, but he knew Bucky was right. There was finally hope, and that was going to have to be enough for the moment. He took a shaky breath and finally faced Bucky. His cheeks tear-stained and puffy, his eyes red and swollen. Bucky smiled. The past two hours didn’t matter. “C’mere,” Steve rasped out, and Bucky moved to him immediately. They held each other as they had so many times. The extra weight it had seemed like Bucky was carrying made sense finally. Steve sighed and kissed Bucky for what felt like the first time in ages, and then he realized it didn’t just seem like the first time in ages; it was the first time in ages. He tilted his head and deepened the kiss, letting every ounce of remorse and love pour into it, communicating all the things he had failed to for so long. Steve’s hands found Bucky’s shoulders at the same time that Bucky’s flesh hand tangled into his hair, and the metal cupped his cheek.

When they separated, they both were panting and misty-eyed. “We gotta talk more,” Bucky told him as their breath leveled out. All Steve could do to answer was nod before his phone rang from somewhere across the apartment. There was a moment’s shared look -This can wait; we’re ok - before he got up to find the phone.

“Stark,” The screen read, and they shared a look of mingled dread and hope before answering. “Tony, whatcha got?” Steve asked without any preamble. Just like that, the fight, the revelation, and the kiss were all gone. Captain America replaced Steve Rogers, and it was time for work.

“I think I’ve got a distinct energy signature of Allie’s grace, or at the very least angelic grace. Now, Wilson told me about the angel blade and the blood and all of that, so I went ahead and did a bit of very fast flying and got Rhodey to do a bit of satellite maneuvering.” Stark paused for a just moment before his tone shifted from business to inquisitive, “Come to think of it, why hadn’t you called and asked for any of this? I usually can’t get anything done without you two breathing down my neck.”

Steve sighed and looked to Bucky, who just nodded. “We had some things to sort out. It’s been a long three months. For the love of God, Tony, please just tell us what you have, so we can get to work on our end.” “Alright, alright. Got it. Lover’s quarrel. Anywho! Given what Wilson found and the loose leads from Nat, we focused our search on the area where this all started and the surrounding town. Now, what’s the one thing we hadn’t searched for on that compound given that we had been inside it already?” Tony asked, and both Bucky and Steve groaned. Steve had to bat Bucky’s hand away from grabbing the phone. The moment made Steve grin. It was their typical banter, and it felt amazing. “We hadn’t looked for anything underground because there were no indications of a lower level,” Steve finally supplied when it was apparent Tony wasn’t going to proceed without their participation.

“Righto, Cap!” Tony quipped cheerfully, and they could hear the clatter of keys on the other end, “Well, we should’ve. There’s a whole network of underground tunnels and cells between the compound and the town. My guess is that’s how they got the drop on you before. Here’s where it gets good, though. I’ve got an energy signal down there that matches what we’ve identified as Allie’s,” Tony reported, but there was something off. It didn’t match Tony’s victorious, “I’ve solved the problem speeches.” Before Steve could open his mouth, Tony answered the unspoken question, “I’ve got to tell you two, it’s weaker than what I expected it to be. We almost missed it.”

The air had been sucked from the room. Steve was sure of it. His mouth had been glued together too, but he wasn’t sure how. Bucky grabbed the phone from him as he began to drop it. “What the fuck do you mean weak, Tony?” Bucky asked - no, growled - and it was the last thing Steve heard before he had to get up and start pacing to get control of his nerves. Suddenly, Tony’s voice filled the entire apartment, and Steve registered that Bucky had set the phone to speaker mode, so he could begin pacing too.

“What I mean is this energy signature is at a tenth of what it seems like she’s usually at when we start a mission. Now, this is all based on Friday’s previous biometric scans, so that reading could be faulty. Maybe we haven’t ever accurately clocked her energy before. Problem is we don’t have a ton of empirical data on these things, so it’s what we’ve got to go on.”

“And it’s not good,” Bucky added. He paused for a beat, looked at Steve, then stepped towards the phone, “Tell Fury I don’t give a damn about what else is going on. Assemble the team, tell Natasha I want her drawing up the plan. I need a full comm team back at the compound. Get medical standing by. Cap and I are going to be secondary on this. I don’t think either of us is fit to be leading it, but we sure as hell aren’t sitting it out.”

“You got it,” Tony answered, then paused for a beat and added, “but pull me off speaker for a second.” Steve waved Bucky some sort of a “go ahead” gesture and stepped away to finish checking their weapons. He didn’t care what Tony would say or ask. It didn’t really matter. There were a few moments of silence before Steve started to catch the snippets of Bucky’s end of the conversation, “Jesus Christ, Tony, no. We are not okay, but we’re doing alright… Yeah, sure, we’ll go to a fucking shrink. You think I don't already have about 19 em at home?... Yeah, yeah, fuck off. Go get everyone on a damn jet… alright, thanks.”

Bucky came up behind Steve and kissed the back of his neck, and Steve leaned back into him. “Tony being Tony?” he asked softly, which earned him an undignified snort and a nod from Bucky.

“He’s checking up on ya. Can’t say I blame him after you disappeared on the call. Gonna be alright?” “Cap will be just fine to get through this. Let’s deal with the rest together and one day at a time,” Steve answered firmly. He knew the distinction between himself as Steve and Captain America wouldn’t be lost on Bucky, but there would be time to handle that afterward. As gently as possible, he extricated himself from Bucky’s hold and went to the closet to pull out their uniforms.

Their uniforms were the only things that ever got hung up in the places they squatted. It was the easiest way to store them, and it made them infinitely simpler to get on in a hurry. The star on the front of his looked nearly alien to Steve when he pulled it out of the closet. These days he associated so little with the man who had worn it proudly for years. The thought of serving a world that had utterly wrecked the one slice of peace he managed to have for himself made him want to recoil from the suit entirely, but, with a heavy sigh, he pulled both of the suits from the closet before neatly laying them on the bed.

He wasn’t doing this for the world, though.  His hand had moved before his mind made the conscious decision to do so. One moment the star was front and center on the stealth suit in front of him. The next, it was in his hand. He wouldn’t do this as Captain America, even if it was easier. It might even be the safer option, but he didn’t care about that. This was Steve Rogers getting his girl back.