#you should move to a brand new city and teach yourself how to die

[crymeariveronceagain]

[heatwa-ves]

please explain your izuleo playlist with as much detail as you want im interestedddd

MIKIIII THANK YOU. okay here's my playlist and im gonna do a song by song breakdown... I'll try and keep it decently brief so this doesn't become one million words but we'll see. my playlist is vaguely chronological so it starts pre-checkmate!

astroboy- suggi

okay so this one is just straight up a leo song. you just have to listen to it it's literally about him "I raised my hands up real high, they called me stupid when I asked why we couldn't fly. am I too far ahead of my friends, or I am late?" hellooooo hello. hi. leo tsukinaga everyone!!!! right down to the moon/space theming

"oh, the rain, you're losing your flame, where'd the burn, the passion go? you run through the pain, you're losing your aim, and you feel like you alone missed the grow" LITERALLY about his breakdown post checkmate. uagh.

cheerleader- ashnikko

an izumi song!!! I don't have to explain anything here you get the vibes

brand new city- mitski

having to preface this by saying I do not listen to mitski this is the only song of hers I listen to and only because it makes me think of izumi so much I feel like throwing up.

"If I gave up on being pretty I wouldn't know how to be alive, I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die." yeah. izumi sena.

yoru ni kakeru- yoasobi

well I'm sure you know this song and the story behind it "the seduction of thanatos" I think it works very well about the izuleo dynamic around this time when they're very codependent and leo is so severely depressed and suicidal. they're fucked up 👍

it's all so incredibly loud- glass animals

so this one makes me think of izumi going to see leo in a similar vein to lionheart but probably before that and he sees leo so broken and neither of them can bring themselves to say anything. "I tried, for you and I, for too hard, for too long" makes me think of the ending scene of lionheart and so on

softcore- the neighborhood

"you've been my muse for a long time, you get me through every dark night. I'm always gone, out on the go, I'm on the run and you're home alone"

"every time I kiss you, baby, I can hear the sound of breaking down"

you get it. you see the vision. more depression era stuff.

less of you- keshi

depression era leo... there's so many lines in this song that correlate to them but a fav is "too much time in the limelight, gimme your all on the land line, want it so bad but I won't lie and it just gets worse in the night time."

are you happy? - shy martin

"and I know I thought that pain's part of love, but I think I broke you, though I didn't mean to. but are you happy, looking back at us when you met me? would you go back and tell yourself to leave it, knowing what we know?" UARFGHBHBB izumi.... who killed cock robin ass song.

from now on we are enemies - fall out boy

I've talked about this one EXTENSIVELY before but it really is just a song about leo tsukinaga. what else can I say.

always- keshi

well yk.

bad thoughts- half alive

i love when they hate eachother. they don't actually truly hate eachother but man sometimes it feels like it. everything hurts. "like a time you gave your all but just got hurt, like a crack in the mirror bringing out your worst"

to everyone who wants to die- takayan

read the translation oh my goddddd. leo. leo

sing to me- missio

this is a song I DREAM of making an animatic to its just so deeply fundamentally leo

never ending song- conan gray

okay this one is a bit more specific but I like to think of leo while he's out of school seeing izumi in a magazine or an ad or something.. and that brings with it a whole ton of complicated feelings

"but we've grown too close, now it can't amount to nothing. I can hear your voice in the music on the radio, and it goes on and on and on, like a never-ending song" you get ittttt

bodybag- chloe moriondo

more of the vibes more of the complicated feelings . this one is mostly here bc I love it and was thinking about izlo while listening icl. unrelated but chloe moriondo is cool as hell they have some awesome music videos especially the one for this song

love or the lack thereof - isaac dunbar

the epitome of pre/early ! izlo love. to meeee also I just love love loveeee it as a song

last minute - kitty

"you're the loop of rope I hung up in my stupid closet" "you're all poised and im made of poison" do you get it do you GET it. it's leo about izumi frfrfrrr

"could you wrap your hands all the way around my neck, and tell me where I stand, tell me everything I'm wrecking when I spin. take over my breath, in out in, I am missing you to death"

android girl- deco*27

I love this song and while I love the original im partial to rachies english cover especially the lines

"we restart and fall apart together, what we have will drag on in this way forever"

"make it stop, make it stop there's so much guilt and regret, I don't get how I can forget and start to hope again, we haven't even come to the end, so much for promising together forever, we aren't even friends"

the girl in my memories- jeebanoff

"in place of your fleeing love, only my sad solitude remains, even though that time won't come again, the memories that are gone, are forever" more depression yaaay

achilles come down- gang of youths

SORRY it's just such a compelling look at depression and being suicidal... so many of these songs are about Leo's depression but I swear this part of the playlist is over soon and moves further in the timeline. I really love this song it's just... everything about it... leo is achilles here of course and the voices talking him down and telling him to go through with it are his family/izumi and his own mind/the students from school respectively.

calender girl- stars

"all of the things that I thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day. december is darkest, in june there's the light, but this empty bedroom won't make anything right, while out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home, who waits up for me all through the night- calendar girl who's in love with the world, stay alive"

HEALING!!!!! GROWING AS A PERSON!!!!!! OVERCOMING DEPRESSION!!!! DO YOU GET IT

"I dreamed I was dying, as I so often do, and when I awoke I was sure it was true. I ran to the window, threw my head to the sky, and said "whoever is up there, please don't let me die," but I can't live forever, I can't always be, one day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea"

crush of judgement- knights killers

i don't need to explain this one

move me- half alive

THE izuleo song THE reason I made this playlist. won't you be my song when I cant dance WON'T YOU BE MY SONG WHEN I CANT DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! LIGHT MY FIRE BURN THE TREES!!!!!!!!! also watch the music video it's gorgeous

the third heart- harumaki gohan

first of all go play genei ap rn it's a short mobile game created by this artist featuring lots of their songs about a reserved girl who loves music and her more extroverted friend who asks her for song recs. it's a very izuleo vibes game and just a beautiful game in general I think you'll love it sm mikiii

second of all.... just. this song. play the game and watch the music video for the full impact frfr 🫶 anyway back to izuleo

back around- half alive

depression never truly leaves but you get better!! it gets better!!! there are bad days but there are so so many good days!!! this whole album is kinda izlo vibes

you get me so high- the neighborhood

"you're my best friend I'll love you forever" 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 makes me think of them... kind of talking about their past .... not very well because they have no emotional maturity but still.

silent oath- knights

for obvious reasons

reunion- harumaki gohan

I imagine this is after the end of ! era .. they've both grown and matured immensely as people.. it'd probably have more impact if I read requiem but um..... I'll get to it... (I've been saying this for a year and a half) to me it's a goodbye to their teenage years and the ups and downs and them moving forward into adulthood and a more stable relationship

don't be so hard on your own beauty- yeule

they help eachother heal 🥹. this one is a bitttt more reliant on some of my takes on izumi that I don't really wanna get into rn but yk. it's here. it's vibey. things were bad and now they are better. there's sunlight streaming though their apartment window. they don't have anywhere else to be this morning. yk.

work of art- downer Inc, kellin quinn

ueeeghhvhb they love eachother.... izumi brings leo inspiration.... these descriptions are getting less and less coherent

I swear ill never leave again - keshi

ueeeeueueueuehhhehhehhehuuueueue

infinitely ordinary- the wrecks

I like the romance of mundanity.. I think they could be happy.. it's very hopeful and a good ending to the playlist

[koheletgirl]

i was tagged by @riotstarruika ty <33

five current favorite songs:

brand new city by mitski - i had like a weird few weeks where i forgot about this song? then i was listening to some random spotify mix and it came on and i was like. oh. i should move to a brand new city and teach yourself how to die. thank god. then i listened to it 7 more times

moonsickness by penelope scott - i've been listening to my grantaire playlist lately. yeah if you know this song then you'll know

i'm your man by leonard cohen - well you know what i said about grantaire songs. also i've been listening to leonard cohen quite a bit i have mentioned that here before

waiting room by phoebe bridgers - éponine.

i know it's over by the smiths - yeah well. what is there to say

last song:

all in good time by iron & wine ft. fiona apple

last watched (movie/tv show):

avatar. the last airbender. book 1 episode 4 the warriors of kyoshi

currently reading:

les mis but you need to have a very loose definition of "reading"

currently obsessed with:

les mis + how bad natla was

relationship status:

in a relationship, planning our not wedding where we don't get married

tagging @space-feminist, @grntaire, @inmarbleimmobility, @lesmiserablol and @thebrotherskaramazovs no pressure no pressure

[serethereal]

interview music tag game

RULES: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren't any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!) xx

thanks for tagging me @moongays <33 this is my fav tag game i’ve done so fun scrambling for a lyric that relates 🌚

1. First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence?

but if i gave up on being pretty i wouldn't know how to be alive / i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die

brand new city - mitski

2. What kind of [aries] are you?

i know it’s over still i cling / i don’t know where else i can go

i know it’s over - the smiths

3. You're visiting your favorite spot, what are you thinking about?

suddenly my feet are feet of mud / it all goes slo mo / i don’t know why i’m crying / am i suspended in gaffa?

suspended in gaffa - kate bush

4. If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it?

she’s getting on my nerves

pacify her - melanie martinez

5. Say you get a book deal, what are you titling your memoir?

fuck it i love you - ldr

6. What would you say about your best friends?

i don’t mind if you don’t mind / cause i don’t shine if you don’t shine / before you jump tell me what you find / can you read my mind

read my mind - the killers

7. Think back to when you had everything all figured out in high school, what was your life motto as a teenager?

use me like an oar / get yourself to shore

at the door - the strokes

8. Describe your aesthetic now:

happiness is a butterfly / we should catch it while dancing i / lose myself in the music baby / everyday is a lullaby / try to catch it like lightening

happiness is a butterfly - ldr

9. What's a lyric that they'll quote in your eulogy?

and nothing has been alright since bruce springsteen

1985 - bowling for soup

10. And for our final question, say we believe in soulmates, what do you think their first impression of meeting you will be?

you’re the closest to heaven that i’ll ever be

iris - goo goo dolls

tagging @halahmp3 @alpacinolover @stewyonmolly @boydykepdf @tenderheart444 @hauntedwoman @pomegranate-pill @suspendedinbush and @gaewaren <333

[n1kk069]

If you don't listen to Mitski you won't get this😝

Cass: *walking into the kitchen, talking to Steph on the phone*

Cass: I wouldn't know how to be alive.

Pretty much the entire family hanging out in the kitchen: ...

Bruce: *concerned* ...What..?

Steph: *"explaining" over the phone* If she gave up on being pretty.

Cass: I should move to a brand new city.

Steph: -and teach yourself how to die.

Jason: Huh?

Bruce: Cass, are you okay?

D¡ck: You need to talk?

Steph & Cass: You're all stupid!

Alfred: Mitski isn't.

Steph & Cass: *collective gasp*

Steph & Cass: *squealing*

Everyone else: *concerned and confused*

Cass: How do you know her!?

Alfred: Do neither of you two notice how loud your music is?

Steph & Cass: Ooooohhh.

Cass: *turns to everyone else* Then how come y'all didn't get that?

D¡ck: Get what?

Cass: The reference!

Steph: *audibly facepalms over the phone*

Jason: *realises* OH. MITSKI.

Steph: Fucking finally.

[jojolymes]

𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐕𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐒; preface

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄 ¡!

next: I. 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫 | table of contents

𑁍

˗ˏˋ UNDER OUR VEINS 'ˎ˗

chainsaw man

❝IT IS YOUR FEAR, HUMAN, THAT HAD GIVEN ME THE STRENGTH I NEEDED— I WAS MERELY IN YOUR DEBT.❞

┊ ✧. you had a normal life— at least that was what you convinced yourself— until that devil came along. now, all your dreams have been replaced by the reality that you must now work as a devil hunter.

PLAYLIST .ೃ࿐

your dog; soccer mommy

❝i don't wanna be your fucking dog that you drag around,

a collar on my neck tied to a pole, leave me in the freezing cold.❞

where's your head at; basement jaxx

❝don't let the walls cave in on you, you turn the world away from you;

where's your head at? where's your head at?❞

love my way; the psychedelic furs

❝there's an army on the dance floor it's a fashion with a gun, my love—

in a room, without a door, a kiss is not enough in...❞

i'm so sick; flyleaf

❝if you want more of this we can push out, sell out, die out so you'll shut up

and stay sleeping with my screaming in your itching ears.❞

all she does is kill shit; the i.l.y's

❝all i do is deal with it, talk myself through with it.

have a bad mood with it, get as close as i can get.❞

brand new city; mitski

❝but if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldn't know how to be alive

i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die.❞

l-over; u.s. girls

❝i don't know what i'll do without you;

take up worship at some mile's end?❞

be quiet and drive (far away); deftones

❝this town don't feel mine, i'm fast to get away, far...

i dressed you in her clothes now drive me far away, away, away.❞

chainsaw the door; the garden

❝a family that you don't like, a fuckin slug on a motor bike,

a dark old memory that's got you trapped for a century.❞

FOREWORD .ೃ࿐

˚ · . warnings¡!

HEAVY LANGUAGE, DIRTY JOKES

DENJI'S GOALS *SKULL*

CANON-TYPICAL VIOLENCE, SUBSTANCE ABUSE

˚ · . notes¡!

DENJI, POWER, AKI, KOBENI, ANGEL, BEAM, REZE X FEM!READER

┊ ✧. mc is 18-19; denji, beam, reze & power are 17-18; aki, kobeni, angel, are 19-20;

✧. mc has a fear of needles for plot purposes

✧. there is a relationship between the mc and makima which is meant to be taken as toxic not 'mommy' material

for an easy reading experience, follow # underourveinscsm

[aardvaark]

silly little post of me explaining what main song i associate with each of the following characters i like or relate to :) feel free to tell me if you have a song for one of them or someone else!!

/disclaimer: this doesn’t really reflect my music taste or every character i like, it’s just for fun and i amn. so so sensitive. be kind i beg/

characters: dr "bones" brennan, emily prentiss, camille preaker, sarah reese, root (poi), faith lehane, dr lisa cuddy, parker (leverage)

dr temperance "bones" brennan (bones): literally so hard for me to pick a song for her for some reason. she’s just not a person who can be described in a song, idk. people watching by conan gray would cover her whole relationship with booth. a pearl by mitski, too. easy on me by adele is a lot about her feelings. foreigners god by hozier really reminds me of her too. first love/late spring by mitski is kind of her life just before she and booth were together, "please hurry leave me, i can’t breathe/please don’t say you love me".

emily prentiss (criminal minds): okay there’s two for prentiss that i feel very strongly about. firstly, brand new city by mitski. especially during the doyle arc, the lines "i think my fate is losing its patience/i think the ground is pulling me down" are so relevant. but mainly because prentiss does indeed run away and "move to a brand new city" whenever she’s cornered. from interpol to the bau, from the bau to france, from france to the bau again, the bau to interpol (england?) again, back to the bau. and then she starts packing her house up when she gets in trouble again, and spencer has to talk her down. so the words "i should move to a brand new city/and teach myself how to die" is just… so her. secondly, bad things by cults. "bad things happen to the people you love/and you find yourself praying up to heaven above/but honestly i’ve never had much sympathy/cause those bad things? i always saw them coming for me"… do i even need to explain further? she def feels doomed in her early seasons, and then the "bad things" being all the cases, and "praying up to heaven above" reminds me of her religious trauma.

camille preaker (sharp objects): dollhouse by melanie martinez. for uh. the obvious reason, if you’ve read sharp objects or seen the mini series adaptation lol. her sister loves that dollhouse. but also because the dollhouse in the story and the dollhouse metaphor in the song are very similar. the idea of a picture-perfect family being fake or "plastic", in a beautiful house that really contains so many years of suffering for her, "everyone thinks that we’re perfect/please don’t let them look through the curtains". and of course "no one ever listens" and "i see things that nobody else sees… the town sees her mother’s facade of perfection, but she sees the horrific things that went down behind the scenes.

dr sarah reese (chicago med): i am not a robot by marina. literally just the sentiment of "i am not a robot"… they all treat her like she’s just a medicine machine and/or a thing that needs to be fixed. i wish she was on the show long enough to resolve that. i wish she had yelled at them not to treat her like that.

root (person of interest): gasoline by halsey. literally just her life. "you are part of a machine" literally… she’s the interface of The Machine. lol. but also arms tonite by mother mother… she would say all that to shaw without blinking. "don’t you think it’s kind of cute/that i died right inside your arms tonight" like tell me that she wouldn’t say that to shaw!! but THE root x shaw song is like real people do by hozier.

faith lehane (buffy thé vampire slayer): the archer by taylor swift. not a "swiftie" or whatever they call it, but this song does fit faith. "i ride off alone/i never grew up/it’s getting so old" cause she literally has no one tbh, and she just drags buffy down but she can’t help it. "and all of my heroes die all alone" being the Slayer seems to mean being alone, means dying young. a heroic death, but a death nonetheless. it’s her fate. what a horrible thing for a teenage girl to already know. "cause all of my enemies started out friends" well yeah the scooby gang. "i’m ready for combat/i say i don’t want that but what if i do?" her Big Problem was always really that she liked the fight too much. and then obviously "i’ve been the archer/and i’ve been the prey" cause she’s always stuck between being this incredible hero who kills vampires and being a scared child who was thrown into a war, between being supported by her fellow Slayer and being the enemy. i imagine her being the narrator and the "you" in the song being buffy.

dr lisa cuddy (house md): my alcoholic friends by the dresden dolls. the friends being house obviously. i feel like the vagueness and confusing sorta lyrics represent how we don’t actually know all that much about her past so it can be ambiguously interpreted. but the last verse is what makes it her song. "should i choose a noble occupation?" shes a doctor. "if i did, i’d only show up late and/sick and they would stare at me with hatred" she often feels clearly overwhelmed with her work, with the decisions she’s forced to make, with working in a place of so much death… the doctors talk about her, obviously especially house. they do stare at her in one scene and that always comes to mind but explaining that would be spoiling things lol. "my only natural talent’s wasted/on my alcoholic friends" her natural talent of being the only person to even be able to remotely rein in house, and she wastes her time dealing with his problems so much. in the earlier seasons especially, she really doesn’t get to have a life - she is too well suited to working in her role and dealing with house, and she basically has to babysit house all the time.

parker (leverage): i haven’t finished this show, in fact i’ve only recently started it, so i don’t know exactly. but i’m obsessed with parker, she’s so me!! rn i would say that some songs fitting her would be - hermit the frog by marina (vibes), bubble gum by clairo (her and hardison/sad vibe when ppl tell her she’s weird or needs to stop talking), treehouse by alex g (vibes), my ordinary life by the living tombstone (she’d listen to it while stealing), boy in the bubble by alec benjamin (her youth), liability by lorde (ppl say she’s crazy and a liability), a mask of my own face by lemon demon ("who’s alice white?"), i need to be alone by girl in red (she always likes being alone lol), this is home by cavetown (her youth), and are you bored yet? by wallows + clairo (vibes).

[andromerot]

okay i had an idea for a game. list seven songs you feel are talking about you, in some way or another. for example, here are mine :)

andromeda, weyes blood

hey, thats my name! i'm still a good man's daughter. find a love that will make you.

2. been so strange, ezra furman

i have not grown or changed and i've been so strange. and yet. i'm gonna meet my god.

3. brand new city, mitski

i think my brainis rotting in places i think my heart is ready to die i think my body is falling in pieces i think my blood is passing me by i think my fate is losing its patience i think the ground is pulling me down i think my life is losing momentum i think ways are wearing me down but if i gave up on being pretty i wouldnt know how to be alive i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die. i've done that in some ways. i am over it sometimes and sometimes i am not.

4. en la ciudad de la furia, soda stereo

un hombre alado extraña la tierra! es que siempre estoy volando sobre la ciudad de la furia, tengo alas que ni yo puedo ver pero estan. me verás caer como una flecha salvaje.

5. zog nit keyn'mol, hirsh glick

i guess this can sound like an odd choice, but this song runs furiously through my veins. i only really knew it some months ago, but i've been hearing it all my life. mir kumen on mit undzer payn mit undzer vey un vu gefaln s'iz a shprits fun undzer blut shprotsn vet dort undzer gvure undzer mut. kumen vet nokh undzer oysgebenkte sho-s'vet a poyk ton undzer trot: mir zaynen do :)

6. the record player song, daisy the great

do not mean this in a female manipulator way, simply some truths about myself. its true that i dyed my hair blue and it came out a seasick sort of green. its true that i like vintage dresses when they fall just beneath my knees. its true that im always winning the wrong game and that i dont remember my real name.

7. this too shall pass, danny schmidt

yeah! dont ask god just holler at the sky cause she'll tell it to you plainly in the clouds that whisper by and praise the shapes and then praise the way they change. so i pray to hands and i pray to needs and i pray to blades of grass to find forgiveness in the weeds. but as for health? i just never did believe and so i never pray myself except to those who pray for me.

okay yeah! consider yourself tagged if you would like to play this :) and tag other people in your post if you wish

[crymeariveronceagain]

Angsty Biana Aesthetic because i dont want to move to a brand new city

Think my brain is rotting in places. I think my heart is ready to die. I think my body is falling in pieces. I think my blood is passing me by.

But if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn't know how to be alive;

I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die.

But you need your rotten heart, Your dazzling pain like diamond rings, You need to go to war to find material to sing.

What strange claws are these scratching at my skin? I never knew my killer would be coming from within.

It's so boring to not be yanking muscle off of a woman's bone. Everybody hates the, everyone hates the un-relatable, And I love to place two of 'em in the arena of the public's eye And try and get 'em to fight about something dumb and we pick sides 'Cause staring at her too long made our life look like muted pastels--- We'll love you if you just make us feel better about ourselves!

Everybody supports women until a woman's doing better than you; Everybody wants you to love yourself until you actually do.

It was something about her hair--- So perfectly fallen. She was nice and smart and funny and got everything she wanted.

And she does charity! Isn't that the most obnoxious thing you've heard? Her popularity--- She's too pretty for her own good. She's probably self-centered; We hate her and she's nothing---

If everybody leaves her, Then she had it coming.

// "Brand New City" by Mitski // "King" by Florence + The Machine // "Everybody Supports Women" by Sofia Isella //

[strxnged]

BRAND NEW CITY

-> ATSUMU x READER

Contents: break-up. anger. angst. aaaaaaaaaa (~250w)

AN: OKAY WHAT I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG NOW ( the angry vibes are just 👩‍🍳😘) So this.. I did a little different. I imagined myself in this situation and forced myself into the emotions. And then I wrote it almost like I would in a diary - so it’s very emotional, and not exactly in order. Just... thoughts from a very specific perspective. Not necessarily true, even in this reality. sad thoughts

I think my fate is losing its patience

I think the ground is pulling me down

I think my life is losing momentum

I think my ways are wearing me down

Yeah. You knew he wouldn't stick around. 

Atsumu wasn't yours. He was occupied — with volleyball, with his family, with his own shit. He had his own things to do, and neither of you really meant for you to be his first priority. His mind was consumed by games and friends and high school. He didn't know or care how impossible you felt. You didn't deserve him to know. It wouldn't make a difference. He was never really yours, despite all this time.

You weren't surprised. Why would you ever be important to someone? You weren't that valuable. You knew that, and it didn't take Atsumu breaking up with you to realize it. You'd always known. You were a disappointment. Everything you touched turned out worse than it started out. You were rotting from the inside out. And of course that was your fault. Because you were stuck with yourself.

You'd known Atsumu for years. He was a good person, really hardworking and dedicated and all that. Friendly. Happy. He treated you like anyone else. No less.

No more.

“I'm s-sorry… really… You deserve better…”

Nah. You were fine. This was all you really were worth anyways. A couple years trapped in love, and then release. Release from caring, release from being cared about. Seemed about right.

“I still love you,” he'd said, “which is why this is… so hard.”

Crocodile tears. 

Atsumu knew what he had taken from you. Now, he was gone, and you were declining, endlessly. Falling. Numbly.

AN: oh hey if you read that im sorry. and if you have a deep connection to these feelings pls find someone to talk to. don’t let them build up like “you” did in this story. it’s really really not healthy j ewafghd

THANK YOU ANON FOR YOUR REQUEST! THIS SONG IS JUST 💯💯💯 I LOVE THAT LINE ABOUT “ But if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn't know how to be alive, I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die” IT REALLY HIT HARD I COPIED IT INTO MY NOTES LMAOFDSOKJL

NAVIGATION // SEND ME A REQUEST

[dandizettes]

my ophelia playlist hell yeah

and a track by track breakdown because it’s so hyper-specific so as to be incomprehensible to anyone who isn’t me. is this texually supported? probably not but whatever

mad girl (live)-- emilie autumn

like. okay there was no way i wasn’t going to put miss autumn on this playlist. this one is like pretty self-explanatory but i picked this song, of all the ophelia-applicable emilie autumn songs, specifically, because “how did your father die? / was he a good man? / maybe someday you’ll know”. yeah

i don’t smoke-- mitski

(inhales) it’s about the self-destruction. & the comfort in it

miss world-- hole

this songggggg. the whole vastly-empty-indescribably-sad-at-the-prom vibe is just. yeah. “i’m miss world / watch me break and watch me burn / no one is listening, my friends” oh god it’s so her & it hurts so much. ow.

youth decay-- sleater-kinney

so this one isn’t all applicable, necesarily, but “close my mouth, was i born to accomdate? / i’m so good at playing dead / words just don’t seem to come out” is so intensely her that it had to go here. also like. the end where it’s just corin screaming “am i rotting am i rotting am i rotting am i rotting” like. yeah. yeah

feels blind-- bikini kill

“look what your world’s taught me, your world as taught me nothing” / “there are no boundaries to what i can feel / if you could see but were taught / what you saw wasn’t fucking real” / “women even eat your hate up like love” extreme tragic heroine vibes that’s all i’m gonna say

teen idle-- marina

it’s about the archetypes. & wasted youth & self-destruction

lashes-- babes in toyland

this one is less about the actual lyrics (99% of which are totally incomprehensible, because grunge) but like. the vibes. of kat bjelland screaming.  it’s about the appropriated aesthetics of femininity made into a site of horror. its about the vibes. like, 90s ophelia would listen to babes i shan’t elaborate

marrow-- st. vincent

“i wish i had a gentle mind / and a spine made up of iron” extremely her. & that classic annie clark combo of distorted guitar/gentle vocals is like. opheliacore. also the whole like. body (because it is looked at, because it is gendered) as a site of horror. that thing. you know

little mouth-- sleater-kinney

ok so this one is kind of lesbian ophelia (within the broader lesbian hamlet concept) specifically. its the sheer intensity of self-hatred & shame (also i just really fucking love corin’s vocals on this track so much)

fireworks-- mitski

ughghghghgh this whole song is just. ugh. “i’ll keep going to work & you won’t see a change / except perhaps a slight grey in my eye” / “& when i find that a knife’s sticking out of my side, i’ll pull it out without questioning why” it’s the detaching yourself from your own suffering as a coping mechanism (until you can’t keep it to yourself anymore & you freak the fuck out & decide to publicly drag elsinore via flower symbolism. you know)

brand new city--mitski

this song is so her. all of it. it’s so her. but of course “if i gave up on being pretty i wouldn’t know how to be alive / i should move to a brand new city & teach myself how to die”

bite the hand-- boygenius

this one is very hamlet/ophelia. “i can’t love you how you want me to” / “your hands are grabbing but my hands are tied” like. they are just so terrible for each other & fundamentally mismatched to the other’s needs & this one Speaks to that i think

ivory tower-- nova twins

this one has such an ominousness that i love............. “i am not the damsel / you are not the hero” it’s about the achetypes!!!!!!!!!! and the gender!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! & it is ham & oph’s desires to conform to them that drive them out of their minds

hurricane drunk-- florence & the machine

it’s the comfort in, and almost outright glee in self-destruction.................. the desire to destroy the self from a lack of being loved or understood........................... to reclaim the self via destruction............................ yeah

[lunmelia]

Alright, I’ve had a good rant with my sister for the past half hour but I still got shit to say and I don’t wanna bother her too much, so here we go. Ignore this, I just want to write my thoughts down and get this shit out of my head and move on.

That finale... was fucking horrible. I think we all know that. I honestly did not expect to be as disappointed as I am. I expected a little bit of disappointment. I expected destiel not going fully canon, what I didn’t expect was THAT fast-paced, stale, not good at all ending. I honestly didn’t. For a show that went for 15 years, was pretty popular for a bit, I did not expect the ending to be that bad. Although I’m not that surprised. Think it just had a reputation for being a bad show, so it makes sense for it to wrap up in a bad way. But maybe I am still a bit surprised. I... really didn’t expect it to be so bad. 

I laughed through the entire thing. I was laughing while Dean was dying. I was laughing while Sam was doing his little sad rounds around the bunker. I was laughing when Dean went to heaven. I was laughing while Sam was dying. I laughed the whole way through. 

I should not have been laughing. 

For a finale for an entire show, it should not have made me laugh as much as it did. What it should’ve done was make me cry and make me feel satisfied. It did not do either of those. I just feel really fucking disappointed. 

That scene with “old Sam” sitting in the impala? A fucking joke. Are you fucking kiddingMEMSJKDHFKHASKGHSJKADGHK I MEAN COME ON! That was fucking hilarious! Man was in a cheap wig from party city, didn’t look like he’d aged a day and yet he was moving as if he was fucking 80??? WHAT THE FUFJCVJHDFHASHGASHGHS that was sooooo bad. so so so bad. 

At one point I started checking the time on my phone and asking the episode to “hurry up already I want this over and done with” but I still fucking watched and I should’ve just left when Dean got impaled. THAT’S HOW HE GOES?? DEAN WINCHESTER? THE RIGHTEOUS MAN?? DIES BY GETTING IMPALED BY A RUSTY METAL ROD?? I’M FUCKING CACKLING 

That whole finale was just comedy gold, it honestly was. 

Aside from that, why was this show bad? This show had no character development. It really didn’t. You know what the only character development I could see was? When Dean said “see that’s not who I am” when Chuck called him the ultimate killer, and even that was revoked when a week later Dean goes running in to decapitate a bunch of vamps. Granted they were kidnapping kids so the fuckers deserved it but still, from a writers point of view they should have included that whole case. (by the way another reason I was laughing during Dean’s death was because, what were the two boys doing?? were they just waiting outside this entire time? traumatized? or did some more vamps come along to kidnap them again and Dean’s death didn’t even fucking matter? What happened to the kids????) 

But there was no character development. Dean started as an alcoholic, hunt-obsessed, rage-filled, codependent man with an abusive father. Where was he in season 15? He drank himself into a black-out after Cas died, he died during a case, he was still raging the entire season, he stayed by his brother’s side and never had the opportunity to grow away from him, and his abusive father is with him in heaven. His horrible, self-destructive coping mechanisms were never addressed upfront, he never got help and he died before he got the chance. From my point of view, he died the exact same man the show started with. No character development for Dean. 

I can’t say that much about Sam because if I’m honest I don’t know him as well as I do Dean and Cas. Maybe someone who knows him better can talk more about his lack of character development. Or maybe he had more than Dean. But to me, same as Dean with the codependency. He stayed by Dean’s side after they were free. And what was the very first thing we learn about Sam at the beginning of the show? Right, that he wanted an independent life away from Dean. Away from hunting. Guess Dean had to die for that to become a reality. 

And Cas? God, Cas’ ending really pissed me off. I kind of don’t want to add personal feelings to this, but for the sake of explaining why I really hate Cas’ . ending, I might have to. As someone who in the past has had to sacrifice myself for the sake of others, Cas’ ending really sucked. I think Cas was my favourite character because I related to him, with the whole constantly sacrificing yourself for others but getting nothing back. And he died for Dean? A man who constantly abused him, mentally and physically? Because he loved Dean? Yeah, that whole thing screamed attached abuse victim to me. Cas started out serving Dean; rescuing him from hell, coming only when he called, dying for him, and how does his story end? Dying for Dean fucking Winchester, who could give nothing but pointless apologies back to him. Frankly, I don’t think Dean deserved to be loved by a celestial being who witnessed the creation of earth. I think the most character development Cas got was when he left the bunker earlier on in the season. And yet he still came back. So that character development was revoked. He should’ve stayed away, honestly. He died doing the same thing he’s always done throughout this show; serving Dean. 

So yes, this show had no character development, And that’s really fucking unsatisfying. Want to know what’s the most disappointing thing about all of this?

This show had... so much potential. 

It really did. First of all, the biggest one being Dean and Cas’ story. If their entire arc had been used in a romantic sense, it honestly would’ve been a great love story. Fuck it, doesn’t even have to been Dean and Cas, but just the story. A man literally rescued by an angel, an arc that goes from bitterness to tolerance to friends to lovers. The man teaching this angel free will, and the angel in return teaching this man to love himself as others love him. That... honestly would’ve been one of the greatest love stories of all time. But it got wasted on fucking Supernatural. So, if someone could write a brand new story that features a similar love arc, that’d be great.

The overall story of Supernatural, too, had so much potential. Two brothers, raised by an abusive father and no mum, both holding bitter feelings towards each other because one of them left. They reunite and learn that they have this big destiny. They say no to that destiny. They confront how they were raised and come to the conclusion that their father was indeed abusive and their lives are shit. They get help. They learn that family doesn’t end in blood. They find family in the friends they make. They confront their codependency with each other and learn to live separately, to not depend on each other so much. They defeat god. They get their happy ending, with their huge family that they made. They’re mentally healthy. That story would’ve been fucking epic, and satisfying. And yet, it got wasted on Supernatural. 

It just... it had so much potential. It could’ve been something great. And yet it had shitty writers and fucking cw as a network. 

So... all of that being said. Think I’m done. Tonight, I watched the first three episodes of The Boys and uhh... I’ll be dedicating my time to that show thank you very much. It’s fucking great you should give it a shot if you haven’t seen it. But uh yeah, that ending sucked ass but at the end of the day it’s a show and I’m moving on. 

OH WAIT ONE MORE THING. 

The award for the greatest, and honestly kinda impressive, queerbaiting goes to SUPERNATURAL!! OH MY FUCKING GOD. THIS SHOW QUEERBAITED THESE TWO CHARACTERS FOR 12 FUCKING SEASONS, LETS ONE OF THEM SAY “I LOVE YOU” DIRECTLY TO THE OTHER, AND ENDS IT THERE!!! NO “HE LOVES HIM BACK / HE DOESN’T” THEY JUST ENDED IT THERE!! THE GREATEST FUCKING QUEERBAITING OF ALL TIME, FOLKS! I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE IT. THEY LET HIM SAY IT! AND THEY STILL!! SOMEHOW FUKING QUEERBAITED US!! AND THEY LET ONE OF THEM SAY IT! BUT IT’S STILL QUEERBAITING!!! IT’S SO FUCKING- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

so anyways peace I’m fucking out

[hopehunted]

𝗝𝗢𝗥𝗗𝗔𝗡 𝗧𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗦𝗔𝗥𝗗’𝗦 𝗦𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗗𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗞 — listen here.

A HORSE NAMED COLD AIR / MITSKI.

a lake with no fish is the heart of a horse named cold air who when young would run like a storm they would say. i thought i'd traveled a long way, but i had circled the same old sin.

WIFE / MITSKI.

i cannot bear you a son; i have tried. but if i am not yours, what am i? i daydream i'd give him a name of my own for i, even mine, even mine is unknown.

SAFE WITH ME / SOAP&SKIN.

no love can be safe with me.

NOTHING TO REMEMBER / NEKO CASE.

i spent my life becoming invisible. it’s hard to maintain and it’s hard to get by. i don’t recall fight or flight setting in. i had no introduction; i just breathe it in like the air. [..] i’m ashamed that i’m barely human and i’m ashamed that i don’t have a heart you can break. i’m just action and other times reaction. all i own are the strides i spend to the finish line and i’ll give you those.

YOU ARE A RUNNER AND I AM MY FATHER’S SON / WOLF PARADE.

i am my father's son and i'll build a house inside of you. i'll go in through the mouth, i'll draw three figures on your heart: one of them will be me as a boy; one of them will be me; one of them will be me watching you run, watching you run into the high noon sun, watching you run farther than guns will go.

SCRUMPTIOUS / THE SHAKES.

i've gotta say goodbye for now the only way i know how to. this shit don't feel the same anymore. i think i've gotta leave because i'm dyin' for somethin' worth livin' for. the thought of it has been killin' me. [..] i said i never thought i'd be enough for someone, never thought i'd be enough. can't help myself.

BRAND NEW CITY / MITSKI.

i think my brain is rotting in places. i think my heart is ready to die. i think my body is falling in pieces. i think my blood is passing me by. [..] i think my fate is losing its patience. i think the ground is pulling me down. i think my life is losing momentum. i think my ways are wearing me down. [..] i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die.

ONE STEP CLOSER / LINKIN PARK.

everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge and i'm about to break. i need a little room to breathe, 'cause i'm one step closer to the edge and i'm about to break.

DONKEY KOSH / FLORENCE + THE MACHINE.

little donkey is getting restless, getting heavier as it grows. and the jackal, spoiled and spiteful keeps biting at my nose. [..] you ask me why i keep them, why i love them so, why they get away with murder as they grow and grow and grow. i keep them cause i made them: they come from in my heart with each mistake i make created and torn apart.

SO GOOD AT BEING IN TROUBLE / UNKNOWN MORTAL ORCHESTRA.

memories, they mess with my mind. who am i to deny? she was so good at being in trouble.

FAINT / LINKIN PARK.

i am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard, handful of complaints, but i can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars. [..] i can't feel the way i did before. don't turn your back on me, i won't be ignored. time won't heal this damage anymore. [..] i am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident, 'cause you don't understand, i do what i can but sometimes i don't make sense.

NIGHTMARE / HALSEY.

i keep a record of the wreckage in my life. i gotta recognize the weapon in my mind. they talk shit, but i love it every time. and i realize i've tasted blood and it is sweet. i've had the rug pulled beneath my feet. i've trusted lies and trusted men, broke down and put myself back together again. stared in the mirror and punched it to shatters, collected the pieces and picked out a dagger.

HEAVEN / BAYSIDE.

at the edge of the world where land meets sea, where good men drown, and fish can't breath, i washed up on the shore a different man. oh, it took me a sec, but i came to. a little worse for wear and turning blue, but everybody loves a comeback. [..] as i am a loner, and i am a fraud, and i am in hell right where i belong. and i am a sinner, but aren't we all? let's sneak into heaven, are you coming or not?

SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE / THE JAPANESE HOUSE.

you look back, you're going 'round in circles, your world feels just the same. your heart keeps breaking in the same way--something has to change.

A QUIET LIFE / TEHO TEARDO, BLIXA BARGELD.

maybe this time i’ll outwit my past. i’ll throw away the numbers, the keys and all the cards. maybe i can carve out a living in the cold at the outskirts of some city. i’ll extinguish all my recent pasts, become another man again and have a quiet life. a quiet life for me.

VARIOUS STORMS & SAINTS / FLORENCE + THE MACHINE.

the monument of a memory, you tear it down in your head. don't make the mountain your enemy. get out, get up there instead. [..] while all around you, the buildings sway, you sing it out loud, "who made us this way?" i know you're bleeding, but you'll be okay. hold on to your heart, you'll keep it safe. [..] i know it seems like forever, i know it seems like an age, but one day this will be over. i swear; it's not so far away. can people just untie themselves, uncurling like flowers? if you could just forgive yourself.

[captain-aralias]

Quaranmeme

i was tagged by @stackcats​ about 2 weeks ago (maybe?), which seems like a million years in both tumblr and quarantine time. but i thought - i’m going to do this meme. i’ll come back to it. and here i am - coming back to it. thank you, friend.

p.s. i am reading ‘the long way to a small angry planet’. it’s good so far! 

when was the last time you left your home?

yesterday. i decided to start ‘running’ because i didn’t want to die inside my house - i did this by downloading the ‘couch to 5k’ podcast, which teaches you how to gradually move up to running 5k. i assumed i would be totally fine with at least the first few weeks, as presumably i was fitter than many people who downloaded this podcast - the answer was, of course, no. it’s torture. but i’m through week one... only 8 more weeks to go.

what was the last thing you bought?

i just bought ‘raiders of the north sea’ from my local game shop - they brought it round today. i want them to open again after all this, so trying to buy a lot of stuff. raiders is a good game.

is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

it’s terrible. i want to go back to work and stop doing video calls. the only thing that’s good about it is the expensive cheese i ordered for myself. lots of people at work are genuinely enjoying lots of things about it - which is extra annoying because i’m usually the positive one. this isn’t my brand.

who are you spending quarantine with?

my girlfriend and three cats. all of whom are very nice, but i really hate the video calls.

do you have pets to keep you company?

yes

what are your current responsibilities?

pretty much none, which is terrible because it means i’m angry and tired all the time but i know everyone else has it worse. i lead quite a large team at work, so i guess it’s my responsibility to look after them - saving them from being reassigned to our emergency directorate, making sure everyone has enough work and knows what’s going on, trying to keep morale ok, etc

do you have a room to yourself?

yes - i own a house that has 2 bedrooms and a living room

are you exercising?

i wasn’t - and now i am doing the podcast :/ also, i bought a tiny mobility bike thing to put under the desk. but while it sort of works, it skids around everywhere which is really annoying

town, country, city?

city <3

how’s your toilet paper supply?

very good - we were already getting ours delivered by who gives a crap

what’s the worst thing that you had to cancel?

so far, seeing ‘operation mincemeat’ later this month :( yes - i’ve already seen it three times, but i love it, and the actors are poor and stuff so i wanted to go and see it and give them my money.

what’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel?

commuting? but actually i quite like that.

who do you miss the most?

the co-workers i do actually still see regularly, but only in stupid video calls that aren’t as fun.

do you have any new hobbies?

no

what are you watching the most?

we just finished rewatching ‘mob pyscho 100′. it was still great. the fact that reigen sort of has a redemption arc, but also sort of... doesn’t, because he’s still shitty/was always great is really smart. it is lovely. if you like steven universe, you should watch it.

also, i’m at least considering each NT Live at Home, The Show Must Go Online, and last night we watched Phantom, live at the albert hall. it was good. 

are you still going to work?

yes. virtually. glad to be paid money, obvs. 

what are you out of?

about to run out of coffee AGAIN but i think it’s about time for one of my two subscriptions to arrive... 

and cereal. i dont think i’ve adjusted to how much cereal i’m eating now i’m home every day.

have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine?

no. with medium-long curly hair that i stopped bleaching a year ago because i couldn’t afford to drop hundreds of pounds every 6 weeks, and no fringe, i am perfectly positioned to just exist as-i-am until hairdressers open. and this time they can’t even tut about split ends, etc, because it isn’t my fault. :D

[misunderstood-shadows]

The Hunteress: Chapter 5

Warnings: None Word Count: 1856 About: Sequel to Goodbye, I Love You and The Ripper. Alessandra is back hunting with the Winchesters. Something is sparking between her and Sam, but when a new threat threatens the Mikaelson’s she is drawn back into a world she is desperately trying to escape. Edited/Beta-ed: No

Series Masterlist

Sam and Dean stood near the door, both their eyes darting between Elijah and I.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” I growled. I was starving, but my fury was overtaking my need to feed. “You should’ve told me the second you knew Mikael and Esther had returned.”

Elijah did not blink. He was stood in the middle of the room, commanding the space in his usual fashion, hand in pocket. “I am here now.”

I rolled my eyes. “A call would’ve sufficed.”

I heard Sam’s rapid heartbeat, and dared a look at him. From the moment I woke, he hadn’t spoken to me. I could sense something was wrong, but Elijah had been too intent on pulling me away from the Winchesters to allow me a moment alone with him.

Now Sam stood, beside his brother, isolated from me. He caught my eye, and managed a small smile. I didn’t want to return to New Orleans with Elijah. I had just escaped, I was on my way to being happy with Sam, and Dean was beginning to accept me.

“You should go.” Dean was set. “Sammy and I can cover our end. If you come back, we can pick up.”

“Of course, I am coming back,” I said softly. I looked between the brothers. “I’ll come back.”

I could see in their eyes that they didn’t believe me.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The Bentley rumbled soothingly beneath us, the scenery outside the window flying by.

“The boy Sam seemed awfully attached to you.”

“I not partaking in meaningless conversation with you, Elijah.”

“This will be an awfully long ride if you refuse to speak.”

“Then I guess that it’s going to be an awfully long ride.”

I kicked off my boots, resting my socked feet on the dash. There was silence, only broken by the sound of the tyres on the highway. I closed my eyes, focussing solely on the sound. The slight chances in frequency, imperfections in the road, even the sound of the engine. Anything to get my mind off the impending sense of dread.

“You should know, Esther is offering a deal.”

I hummed. “What? What more can she do to us?”

“She’s offering to make us mortal. To place us in human bodies, so that we might be purified of the monsters we have become.”

I didn’t answer.

“Alessandra.” Elijah’s voice was soft.

Don’t let him in.

I didn’t answer.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I could smell wolf from outside. Elijah threw the car roughly into park, then got out, leaving me to follow.

“Brother! Niklaus!” he hollered.

I wince, following him through the entrance. A crowd of men and women, the remains of the Crescent pack, milled around, looking unsettled, despite the fact that their scent had permeated every inch of the place.

“You do realize that literally everyone in here has supernatural hearing, right?” Hayley said, irritated. I hummed in agreement, drifting off towards the kitchen but still listening to their conversation.

“Where is my brother?” Elijah asked without answering. The kitchen was mercifully clear, and an I dumped my backpack on the counter before making my way to the fridge.

“I'll check his calendar... Wait, no. Not his wife, so...”

“Hayley, this city is under siege by an army of beasts following my deranged mother's every command. Now, considering it was your people who just declared war on my kind, now's not the best time for your particular brand of sass.”

“Klaus left a while ago. If you want to find him, I can't help you. If only there was a magical device that people used to call people? I don't know, I'm out of ideas. Good luck.”

There was a loud bang, and the sound of laughter echoed in from outside. 

Nobody does Halloween like New Orleans.

The fridge was stocked with blood, as usual, along with a selection of meats and fresh produce. For what seemed like the first time in 1000 years, I wondered what it would be like to eat a normal meal, and actually be able to enjoy it. Yes, I could make myself a steak whenever I wished, but it tasted bland and un-filling.

“Alessandra,” Elijah’s was cool behind me.

“Yes, Elijah?” I asked, not turning from the fridge.

“We are going to Marcel’s. The wolves left a message last night. The time for idleness has passed. Leaving now.”

I sighed, closing the door. “Right behind you.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I could tell from the layer of dust that the Audi needed a good run.

“Can I drive?”

Elijah glanced at me, at the car, then back at me. “Not. A. Scratch.” He threw me the keys and I smiled.

We drove slowly through the crowded streets, dodging day-drunk tourists. 

Once we reached the main highway across the river, I opened up the engine, letting it roar beneath me. Dean swore by vintage muscle, but I was definitely more partial to a good quality sports car.

“What exactly is your plan?”

Elijah looked over the water as we passed over the bridge. “Marcel said that every vampire that exists today is an extension of our family. Each one is connected to us through blood. They may be the only allies we have that won’t turn on us once this wretched war with the witches is won.”

“So you’re going to teach them?” I couldn’t imagine Elijah, in his pristine suit, teaching a group of baby vamps with Marcel.

“We, Alessandra. We are going to teach them.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I could hear them arguing from down here. I sighed, closing the car door a little harder than necessary.

“We don't wanna run,” a woman said.

“I know, and I respect that. But, believe me, there's a big difference between wanting to fight and knowing how to win,” Marcel replied. True enough, but then theoretically knowing how to win, and actually being able to keep your head on in the middle of a battle was also very different.

“So, show us! You've kicked their ass before, I'm guessing you didn't do it alone.”

I followed Elijah up the stairs. I knew from the tilt of his head that he too was listening.

“Umm, yeah, not that I don't dig the whole Karate Kid vibe that we got going on here,” I recognised Josh’s voice. Good to know he was still alive. “But-- how are we supposed to learn to defend ourselves from an army of super-wolves in, like, one day?

The door to Marcels apartment came into sight and Elijah disappeared from my side. I heard the distinctive sound of two bodies dropping to the floor.

“Lesson one.” I could hear the smugness in his voice. “Always be on your guard.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Marcel was speaking to Elijah in the corner while I waited for the two temporarily dead vampires to wake up. I crouched over one, turning his face towards me. young, barely an adult. Did he realise just how long eternity was going to be? Or that he would probably die some horrible, agonising way? Elijah’s charge, Gia, was watching me suspiciously. “So, you’re an Original, too?”

I nodded. “Yep.”

“But you’re not a Mikaelson?”

I shook my head. “Just a family friend.”

“What, you just got caught up in their family drama a thousand years ago?” She gave an awkward half-laugh.

“Something like that.” These god-damned vampires are still not waking up. 

“When was the last time you all fed? This is taking far longer than it should.” I saw Gia shrug out of the corner of her eye. “We’ve had to be careful, even over here. The wolves have been crossing the river. Someone got bit just last week a couple blocks over.”

“That’ll have to change. You can fight if you’re not at full strength. Is there a blood bank nearby?” Gia nodded and I stood.

Marcel and Elijah both turned as I approached, ending their conversation.

“They need blood. Apparently, there is a blood bank nearby. I’ll go get supplies and then return here. They’ll need strength to fight.”

Elijah nodded and I turned leaving.

“What’s up with her?” I heard Marcel asked.

I didn’t listen to Elijah’s reply.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The blood bank was barely staffed. A single receptionist greeted me at the door. She was half asleep and a completed solitaire game reflected in her glasses from her computer screen. I was directed, but not escorted to the donation room. I merely ducked into the STAFF ONLY section and made my way to where the bags were stored.

I snagged a bag from a staff members desk, emptying the content onto the floor and then filling it. I sped out so the receptionist didn’t see me.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Elijah, Marcel and I watched as the vampires each tore into the blood bags, draining them and moving onto the next until all the bags were gone. They growled at each other, snatching bags from each other, snarls and growls filling the air.

“Enough!” Marcel roared the minute the last bag disappeared. “Look at yourself! You are out of control. You need to work together if we are win this. Help each other.”

The vampires looked at each other, some looking ashamed, some horrified. Welcome to the world of the shared feed.

“Everyone is to follow me and Tallie,” Marcel directed. “There’s an empty lot outback that we’ll use.”

Single file, calm and sated with the feed, the baby vamps made their way downstairs, tailed by Marcel, Elijah and I. Once outside, they formed a semi-circle each looking expectantly at us.

I stepped forwards.

“Who’s done any sort of fighting? Boxing, martial arts?”

A few men raised their hands confidently, grinning at each other.

I gestured for them to step forward and they did, all smiling smugly at me.

“I don’t want to hurt you, little lady,” one said.

I heard Marcel and Elijah step back behind me.

The other two vamps circled behind me. I watched the one in front of me; his eyes darted between the men behind me, then his right foot slid forward. I ducked a sloppy punch, spinning out and sending the other two crashing into each other.

In less than a second, I was ten metres away. “The wolves will not stand around and wait for you to attack! you need to move. Push off with everything you have. You are vampires. You will not tire. Do not half-ass your attack.”

And then the lesson began. Elijah gestured to Gia, and she followed him back inside for private training while Marcel and I took the rest of the group. They were sloppy and hasty in their attacks, Marcel and I easy dodged them.

“Again!” Marcel shouted.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I smelt wolf before I saw Hayley and a man approach. I glanced

She nodded at me, but didn’t stop, leading the man upstairs. I left Marcel and walked off to the side, where I would be able to hear.

“We need to talk,” she said.

There was a slight scuffled, then Hayley said, “We're not here for a fight. Just hear him out.”

“Speak. I suggest you be succinct,” Elijah said, sounding tightly restrained.

“Please,” said the man. “I need your help.”

[elhoimleafar]

Why I keep my blog in these times?

This question has been asked by several people lately, and generally, I try to avoid answering, but the truth, I have always tried to be honest about what I think, what I say and what I do.

Before having this blog my only contact with the rest of the people was a small page on MySpace where I published (with enormous difficulty) a ritual or a spell every week, in fact, it was the year 2005, and it was just on a MySpace page Where I found my first coven, back then in Caracas, Venezuela, and they organized events every week in various city parks, it was there that I began to relate to "witches of the city" as I like to call them, and I met at that time the world of Wicca and neopaganism.

But since long before I was already entering the world of magic and sorcery, only for me it was more about something familiar, and I believed from a very young age that it was something that each family practiced separately at home, it was not until The 13 years I understood (by my friend Jonathan) that this was not the case, and that on the contrary, we were a minority.

The origins

I came from having lived in a tiny town in Roraima, in the Amazon for about twelve years, on the border between Brazil and Venezuela, surrounded by healers, witch doctors, and ayahuasqueros. They took me to live in the capital city of Venezuela to send me to study four years at the military school, and after that, I attended a different school on the other side of the city before attending University.

When you go from having lived for so many years among people much older than you, essentially the elderly, and then you go from there to live in the big capital city, it is easy to feel overwhelmed by the people around you, mostly schoolchildren who are showing off their cell phones, collection brands of shoes and caps. Collating with them was not easy, so it didn't take long for me to become "the newbie", the one everyone wants to bully.

When you arrive in the city, the concept that you have there about magic and sorcery, or about shamanism is something very different, and certainly more superficial. Back then, Santeria and Palo Mayombe were a fashion in Venezuela, they were "something cool", in which everyone wanted to participate, and my family had been part of them from the beginning, so I saw this "fashion" as something hurtful.

Followed by this, in the city, no one looked for plants in the field or bathed in the rivers, they did not cook soup in an old cauldron on wood and wood at the edge of the river, nor did they celebrate every time they got quartz or some beautiful mineral that they could interpret as "a sign" from the spirits, or as "a gift" from the ancestors. Herbs, oils, and crystals are something you bought at the store or even from a catalog.

Shamanism and healing were somewhat more superficial, however, I was lucky to meet very good healers and witches in the city. Witchcraft was then more a fashion to follow, an excuse to look cool and meet on the weekends with "your coven", a path that called you from the inside, now it was a trend followed by people looking for a place where to feel at ease without being judged, many came there and discovered that this was their way, many others got there, just in passing, others saw this as the best way to make fame and money fast.

Social networks

Once I had my first account on (back then) MySpace and attended these meetings in the Yahoo groups, I learned something extremely important, a lesson that I have followed even to this day... It always seems to know nothing, acts with discretion, does not be the know-it-all, let them judge you, let them act in front of you, and let them teach you each in their own way, that is where you will see with your own eyes, who really knows what he is talking about, who is really there for learning, and who really got there by reading a couple of books and already sells himself as the last court messiah, and of those last ones, unfortunately, there were many.

Over time I learned to judge a little less because I discovered that in the big concrete city, you could also find great believers, pagans, clairvoyants, witches and "modern shamans", who were not superficial fools because of living in the city, On the contrary, they took advantage of this as a huge advantage to teach classes, teach others, organize rituals online, create digital groups, and even held small conventions in a popular cafe to exchange esoteric books and share opinions.

Over time I got to know the internet blogs, and from there everything changed, it was my friend who recommended creating a blog and writing there every week, my personal rituals, my book recommendations, which rituals had worked and which did not, and what was my point of view about it, like “Today I used the invocation ritual of this book, and it didn't work as I expected, but maybe it is due to…”, and my blog in Spanish was always very popular.

Years later I began to write a blog in English, and since then I have kept my space, as a safe and free space to comment, free of judgments, because the Haters do not get in here to read, much less to respond, the brain does not It gives them for this, they are so busy promoting their hatred on Twitter and Instagram that they do not "waste their time" in coming to read me, so this is still a safe space, where I can connect freely, without editions, without intermediaries, without filters, directly with my readers.

The best thing about having a personal blog, and not one of those “business blogs” with many different authors talking about a single topic, is that here I can freely express my opinions, and without having to think “this will not please my editor "," This is not in accordance with the theme of the blog "," if I publish this, another author may be angry ". The truth is that my blog in English receives an average of 900 readers daily, even on days when I do not publish anything, and yes, I know that is a low number for the "standards of today", but for me Knowing that my blog is read by so many people daily is fascinating and quite motivating.

This also means that there are 900 other people out there who connect with me and who share the same experiences, who know that here they will read about real magic, real magic, not "Instagram magic", where all spells look like magazine pictures, where healing does not look like a beautiful path of pain-free illumination, where the gods are beings of enormous power who can act in your favor or against you.

This is a space free of egos and full of hard work, do you want your spell of results? Go and work for it, because if you believe that magic is the fast way to get things, you are in the wrong place. Here we do not join the new fashion of saying "the gods are only archetypes and your powers are superior because you are light and blah, blah blah" ... Those are arguments of "Plastic Witches".

The "plastic witches" are people who spend the full moon eating Doritos and watching Netflix, while they tell you with a beautiful Instagram photograph "use the energy of this moon to meditate deeply, walk through the forest under the light of the stars and bathe naked in a river ”, this is not (Thank God for it) one of those spaces full of superficial witches who do not practice magic with blood because they fear an infection, or who do not know the incredible healing properties of the earth from the cemetery because "everything is energy and you just have to visualize it".

And I'm not saying (and I've never said it) that witches should all celebrate the full moon, prick their fingers with a needle or eat raw meat of a deer on a new moon to regenerate their power, no. The problem is not their conception of magic and witchcraft, the problem is that they sell you something that they themselves do not practice, like those who say "witchcraft is a path of spirituality to help you connect with yourself", but they are more focused on "looking cool" and "looking dark badass witches" than really being.

And it is very unfortunate that the most popular members of our community, spend most of the time accusing the followers of the predominant religions, for being "highly superficial and commercial", when at the end of the day, they are exactly a reflection of this that they criticize.

And it is for all these reasons that I maintain my blog, and will continue to maintain it for more years, no matter what happens, because if you are looking to practice real magic, not only “magic that seems cool to boast”, but you really want Contacting the other side, you want to practice that unusual power you have to see the future, enter the world of dreams, or move between worlds while you sleep, I want you to know and be sure that you are not alone, and that there is another huge group of people like you out there ready to connect with you, and there is a blogger with poor spelling ready to answer each and every one of your emails, publishing books from time to time with some spells, and learning new rituals every day that you die for sharing with you.

And do yourself a favor, when you read a spell or a ritual, and you want to practice it, do it, don't stop doing it, don't let fear or laziness win you, go and do it, you don't know how powerful he is world of sorcery when you give it a real chance beyond what is written in the books.

Elhoim Leafar