#you remember when you read it and what the context of that time was?

[20dollarlolita]

Research Boards

This is a post mostly for the Pattern School kids, but it's easier to find things on the tumblr than on Discord, and maybe someone else will find this useful, so here we go.

Anyone who is interested in sewing their own lolita fashion is aware that there's not a lot of lolita-specific patterns out there. Because lolita fashion clothing is also very highly detailed, even if you're following a lolita-specific pattern, if you don't build it to look like lolita, it will probably still not look like a lolita garment. To make sure that you don't throw a ton of energy into a garment that doesn't work out, you need to research existing pieces, to draw inspiration from (or directly copy) their design elements.

However, when I go onto Lolibrary.org and say that I want an OP with either short sleeves or princess sleeves, I end up with just under 300 pages, with about 25 results per page. Let's be honest: I'm not going to go through 7500 individual dress listings, and if I do, I'm certainly no going to do it more than once. What I need is a way to filter these listings into 40-50 of the most relevant images, and I need to be able to look at them all at once. I need a research board.

I want to make a dress out of this pattern. The fundamental elements of lolita fashion are there: there's an option with puffed sleeves, the center front with the tucks is similar to a lot of things I've seen before. However, if I just make this dress exactly as instructed, it's not going to make a lolita dress. We know this because their model picture was with a dress made directly as instructed, and it's not lolita.

In order to make sure this reads as lolita, I need to research pieces with similar construction, and see how those dresses handled the way those elements. I'm not just looking for pieces I like; I'm looking for anything that's constructed the same way as the element I'm looking for.

In the dress pattern that I have, there is a proper armhole (top row). In lolita fashion, it's common to have the top of the sleeve elastic, and have there be no constructed arm hole (bottom row). Almost every lolita OP I've made has used the elastic sleeve method. I'm not as familiar with the proper armhole sleeve (in the context of EGL), so I need a lot of references for how this is constructed.

So let's go over how this works really fast:

Identify the elements of the garment that you want to research. Generally, I pick the things that will be the most difficult to change in a pattern. Getting rid of that arm hole will be a pain, so we're just going to be living with it.

Collect as many images as you can of garments with that design feature. You're not just looking for images you like. You are collecting everything. Remember that you can look at things beyond Lolibrary, and that it's actually helpful to do so. Go on Google Images and search up "short sleeve lolita dress" and see what comes up. If you feel like you've reached the end of one search, it's time to change your search parameters. In Lolibrary, I find that the best way to do that is to narrow the search. You can make it only show you certain brands, or exclude all of Jane Marple a certain brand. Generally, I will adjust parameters until I have a result that's 30 pages of results or fewer. It only takes like 15 minutes to scroll 30 pages and harvest the most relevant results. Then, I change the search terms, and start again. On Lolibrary, the most recently-submitted pieces are first in the search results, so the only way to find older pieces is to narrow the search to something you can reach the end of.

Place all your collected references onto one image. Make all of them easy to look at in one time. You can absolutely do some forms of design here. I tend to keep my designs pretty free-form, but I will usually have some vague sense of why I put stuff where. Sometimes, I will collect references that look like what I want to make at the top of the board, and ones I don't want it to look like at the bottom of the board. Sometimes, I'll arrange the pieces more by the release date. Sometimes they're based by color, or by putting similar pieces next to each other, or just by vibes.

Keep going until you've filled up your image. The advantage of putting all of these in one location is that you have an easy visual guide for when it's time to stop adding things. Your background is still showing all over the place? Add more items. Oftentimes, we find the best references at the point where we push beyond the place where we'd normally give up.

Look at the pieces on the board, and start drawing your conclusions.

Start by looking at the whole picture. Take your image board and look at your general trends.

What brands are you seeing the most often (the fact that Baby and AP use little frames, MM uses the same wallpaper, sketchy websites like Milanoo will put their watermark on the image, etc, makes it easy to tell from a distance if you have a lot of those brands)? What colors are you seeing? What substyles are you seeing? Looking at trends like this is

If you want to make a sweet lolita dress, but nearly all of your designs that have your construction element are gothic designs, this is information you should know before you commit to cutting your expensive fabric. Sometimes, when you see a general trend that's very different from your vision, it's a sign that you need to find a new pattern. In this case, we can see that this specific detail (armsceye instead of elastic shoulder) had a lot more reference for older pieces and for more classic pieces. I hadn't actually noticed that trend until I made this board.

Then zoom in. What do your favorite images on your board have in common? What do your least favorite images have in common? Is there overlap? Do your least favorite and your favorite items share design traits? Why do you like that trait on some items, but not others? Learning what you don't like, so that you have a reference of how to not construct or style something, is as important and useful as learning what you do like.

Check your whole board one image at a time, and see what looks the most like your pattern. Yes, everything has your chosen sleeves, but what garment with your chosen element looks the most like your pattern? How similar does that garment look to the rest of the items on the board? You do not need to make a copy of this garment with your pattern, but if a lolita garment with nearly the same construction as yours shows up, you absolutely should know that.

Now, for this case, I made one mood board, and thought I had everything I needed for this dress. I knew how I wanted it constructed, and I had references that backed up my design decisions.

But then I had to go and fuck it all up, because guess what?

I decided to make it all white.

So the thing about making it all white is that white-on-white has the potential to be the most boring colorway known to mankind. I also know for a fact that many all-white garments use fabrics that are inherently detailed: satins, organzas, jacquards, etc. I have white linen-blend cotton and an Ikea curtain. This means that I need to look at what successful shiro pieces look like, and arrange them based on fabric.

In this board, more OTT pieces are on the bottom right, and pieces out of less shiny fabrics are on the top left. Items that I liked the most for this project are right next to the technical illustration, and pieces away from my vision are closer to the edges. I also usually will scale pieces I don't like to be smaller images, and pieces that I really like will be larger.

However, there's also a lot of small images in this board because I still had too much space showing by the time that I felt like I was done. When researching anything, it's important to not stop too early.

The dress with the long sleeves in the top right corner, was the first one that I looked at and could really visualize making with my pattern. I found that about 15 minutes into the search. The one on the right most was one I didn't find until I was right about to give up. I'm very glad that I found it, because it's very close to what I am looking to make. I can honestly just steal all of the styling and make that dress out of this pattern.

Once you have your research board, you're ready to actually make your design. If you're a sketchy person, you can sketch. If you're not a hella sketchy person, you can bust out a croquis or just a stock photo and draw your design on top of a template. If you're very much not a DIY art person, you can grab your favorite images off your mood board and slap them together, or just circle your favorite parts. Keep the rest of the mood board handy, because you want to have something to reference when you're building or buying things. Fabric store doesn't have your dream fabric? Well, you've got a page full of backups. Math made one ruffle too short? Good thing you've got a page with a lot of different ruffle proportions. When you have a research board, things that would be huge setbacks become minor annoyances.

(TY to Brittany for the rainbow dress image)

Once yo'u've got your images of what you want to make, if you want, design boards are a great next step. (I'll do a post on that but basically a design board is like a research board, but instead of 40 different garments that you could be inspired by, you have 40 different things inspired by one garment. Okay that makes no sense so just stick around for Mood Boards Pt 2)

Anyway, that's my favorite way to research before I adapt a normie pattern into a lolita garment. Knowing how to adjust the pattern is one thing, but knowing what fabric to get, what lace to get, where to put the lace, what ways to potentially style my finished garment, and a lot of other stuff is the best way to make sure I don't fuck up my nice fabric or waste a bunch of time on something that won't work right when it's done.

FAQ (okay no one has asked these yet, but I'm predicting that y'all will):

Do I need to make a separate mood board for each design element? No, and you probably won't do it anyway. It's very possible to get all of your major design concerns into one board. If that's the case, I recommend sort of arranging your board so that you've got each element in its own corner of the board. This just makes it easier to keep track of what elements you need to put more research into, as well as explain to other people what you're trying to do.

Why do I actually need to do this? First of all, because it's important to know what you're looking at. Researching beyond the bare surface level is the secret to DIYing something in a fashion as picky as lolita.

Secondly, it helps you work in a collaborative process with other people. Showing someone your mood board when asking for help can let them know what your level of understanding with the situation is, which can much more easily get you help. In addition to talking with other people who wear lolita fashion, you can show a research board to outsiders and people who don't understand the fashion at all. You can show it to a fabric store employee and ask for help finding fabrics with a similar inspiration, and you don't need to give a lolita101 speech when you do so.

In the specific context of 20dollarlolita Pattern School, which is a project I'm working on both here and in its own dedicated Discord server, it also shows that you've done research. No one at Pattern School is getting paid to help you, and no one is expected to spoon feed you research images while you decide if they do or don't match your artistic vision. If you come to the party with, "this is what I found, these things match my artistic vision, and these things don't fulfill my artistic vision," you're much more likely to get feedback you want. It also shows respect for the labor that other people put into helping you.

Plus, making a research board is free. It costs no money. If you're currently waiting to have the money for your first coord, or you're jumping into your first handmade piece, you can spend several weeks just slowly assembling a board that shows your personal likes and dislikes in the fashion. "Hello, I'm trying to buy my first dress, and here's my research board with my favorite colors and styles," is so different from, "Hello, I like lolita, and I don't know what a stubstyle is, but I don't like green." You can start building a dream dress board (or dream closet board) right now, even if you don't make your first purchase until 3 years from now.

Put your ideas into pictures. It lets you communicate with other people. It lets you communicate with yourself. It lets you communicate with the past and with the community.

Are you really going to leave the FAQ section with just two bolded points? Okay so I'm confident that I had something else to say, but that thought has gone rogue and is missing at this point.

[proshippers-against-censorship]

Felt like sharing my experience with antis if that is okay? To start off I'm very anti-contact, I don't actually want to hurt anyone and I am very hesitant about aligning with pro-ship or saying I was technically one at some point. it makes me feel guilty and uneasy when I say that I enjoy producing and consuming dark graphic content, and that I sometimes (rarely) get off to it (most of the time it's like absurdist horror to me, still fun to read but very uncomfy) I am the Shinji Ikari of Marquis De Sade, more or less.

So basically I wrote a dead dove/noncon fic and would constantly leave long AN's about how I was doing sort of to vent/cope/talk about my artistic process. I have a rape fetish and was sort of playing into it a little with the fic. I confessed to this multiple times in ANs that I'd often edit or delete depending on my embarrassment or shame with how long they were, because they were LONG! I will get to this again later.

I really enjoyed working on this fic, as it was just my art piece of the month and due to the fandom it was for being very popular I got a lot of hits, kudos and even comments! The comments were very positive and supportive and made me want to keep writing, and I was just really happy, maybe a little addicted to working on this story. Like it felt good to get this much attention for it. So I wanted to see if I could find other people in the fandom to talk about it with.

I actually got in contact with someone who was pretty big. They didn't know I wrote this specific fic yet and I warned them it was really dark, thinking they wouldn't get upset. I was very much so in the mindset that they wouldn't think much of it. Looking around I saw the space was pretty anti-proship and I was like gosh, okay... I mean this isn't really proship tho like I'm not showing this activity as good and it mostly focuses on the aftermath and how it hurt someone sooo then I should tag it to get the people who are creeps and actually wanna hurt people away from it!

That... didn't work. It actually backfired. This person in the fandom I reached hadn't gotten back to me when I sent them a summary of my fic (that I spent five hours on probably!) at the time, but I did get negative comments telling me that I was gross, and someone else reassuring me that the error in my tags was posted out of context and I just mistagged it and should fix it. I can't remember what specifically the tags said but it upset a lot of people and I saw how bad it looked so I fixed it, briefly acknowledged it then for whatever reason erased evidence of the mistake ever happening to prevent any further harassment.

The big person in the fandom got back to me! By which I mean she blocked me! Everywhere! Literally everywhere. Other people were blocking me too.

I wanted someone new to talk to. I was almost done with the story and I wanted someone to write with. I asked on twitter (where I found a lot of porn for the fandom I was in) if there was a discord for a specific ship in the fandom I wrote for and soemone sent me the link!

So I joined on my main account and the rules say "no proshippers, no dead dove writers. If we catch you for doing this we will kick you out of our server." I'm like okay so I won't mention I wrote this then! Just gotta make sure that one person isn't here....

She was. She was there.

So I dm the person who invited me. I deleted the discord this was on so I'll write the conversation from memory.

Me: Uh... is (fic writer) a member here?

Them: I think so, why?

Me: I'm sorry I can't join I wrote something messed up.

Them: What kind of messed up?

Me: Dead dove. But it's not fetish material or anything it's

Them: is it that one (main character) fic?

Me: :(

Them: Why didn't you just open with that?

Me: I'm sorry I'm really sorry

Them: You're lying by the way it says here that it is fetish material.

(they sent several screenshots of my now deleted author's notes.)

Me: Well yeah but like only partially.

Them: Do you have any sexual trauma?

Me: Yeah sort of. I was abused that counts right?

Them: Counts enough, I guess. Still this isn't a good way to deal with it.

Me: I'm sorry.

Them: And the way you tried to infiltrate the safer spaces by giving people a false sense of security? All the creeps DNI stuff? Completely messed up.

Me: I won't join your server I'm sorry. I didn't mean that I was just anxious I got scared.

Me: You aren't gonna dox me or come after me.

Them: No, we won't. Just don't post for this fandom anymore.

Me: Okay. I'm really sorry.

I forget where but they said "We don't want you here, dude." Which is just, fuckin suicide causing words. I also forgot to include the part where I said I regret writing it and they said "how can you regret writing a story you made 28 chapters for" and I said "I just needed to keep writing" they said "No you didn't" I left a lot out but that's the gist.

Anyway it's just awful to be made to feel like a monster because you don't know how tagging works and have a couple weird fetishes. Like, I see now how it looks REALLY bad but in all honesty I just thought I was writing a story that was a little messed up. I didn't consider that people might be upset by the poor handling of the subject, my fucked up sense of humor, or how it looks like I'm trying to hurt/shock them when in reality I was lonely, desperate for approval/attention and wanted someone to talk about my favorite show with.

Because of what happened, I'm now too scared to post about the show in question anymore. Like, I'm worried they might recognize my interests (I was dumb enough to not be anonymous and posted art on an account a few people saw and have a pretty distinctive style) and then like say "OMG ITS THE FREAK WHO POSTED THAT RAPE FIC DURING THE FALL OF 2024!" and like doxx me or something.

I'm like really scared. I genuinely love that show, even still, and I want to draw art for it and participate in the fandom without making anymore dark fetish content for it, but I'm really scared people will remember who I was in the past. Like I'm not even into an underaged character it's a grown ass man, I understand that rape is wrong, I mentioned a lot in the fic itself I don't want to hurt anyone, and I said it everywhere, I don't hurt people but these antis scare me I don't think they care that I'm harmless or a victim of abuse (so my fetishes changed a bit as a result) I don't think they care that I write this stuff as a way to relieve stress because the violence and cruelty is cathartic, freeing, let's me express my id freely.

I want to keep writing for this fandom, more dark stories, but I just, I'm scared to. I'm scared they'll see me again and hate me, hurt me. I want to draw, write, make art, make friends but these people they aren't welcoming and I completely understand why.... it's a largely american fanbase for an adult animated cartoon so I'm scared of the proship side since American cartoon fanbases are horrific.

I don't know, I guess I just want some comfort after all this happened, some reprieve? Some sort of reassurance that I'm not a bad person, I don't know. Some encouragement to keep liking this cartoon. I'm really sorry this note was so long. I'm sorry. That's all I can say. I'm a broken record at this point haha.

Fuckin hell I need therapy.

<3

[prickly-porcupine-memes]

Look, i wont pretend to know you, to know what you've been through and what life experiences you've had. We are simply two strangers on the internet.

But surely there are shades of gray to this issue. Idk maybe there can be understanding and empathy extended to people you see as enemies?

I dont expect you to agree with all of them, but i think you should try and see their arguments from another perspective. Even just to better debate when people like me ask you stuff! Maybe taking a step back and putting yourself in an antizionists shoes. Why do they believe the things they do, what experiences could've informed these opinions.

Even just considering the optics and the things are seeing outside of debate. People on tumblr for example see the rubble, the sheer destruction of urban warfare. And for zionists like yourself, you see the protests, the anger directed at you, which i can only imagine feels terrifying. Like im sure theres a reason your askbox is labelled in such a way. But i think its important to remember the people on the other side are still human. They are just as pasaionate and firm in their beliefs as you. Im sure the mean comments people send you either sting or galvanize, and the barbs you send back do the same to them. Maybe seeing them not as enemies but people you disagree with or cant stand will help you win a debate and change a mind, or you'll find your own position changing.

Thank you for your time, i know you probably get a lot of hate mail so if you at least read this far and considered even one of my points id be quite happy.

(Also my blog is mostly me being a massive lesbian and reblogging cute girls. And i dont really wanna make a second blog specifically for political thought so i'd advise against digging through my blog since it wont really help you sorry)

Anyways i hope you have an okay day

I'm going to answer as though your ask was sent in good faith.

You say you don't pretend to know me...but then you build your entire ask on assumptions about who I must be.

You assume I see people as enemies. You suggest I lack empathy. You imply I haven't considered opposing views. You tell me to remember that people are human, as if that's something I've forgotten.

I don't dehumanize people, I don't treat disagreement as a threat, and I don’t think strong emotions automatically make a belief system valid. I've spent a lot of time understanding why people believe what they believe, including those who oppose Jewish national self-determination. If anything, that's exactly why I disagree with them. Understanding is not the same as agreement.

You're asking me to do a kind of emotional labor I already do. Meanwhile, you say nothing about what anti-Zionists might owe in return. You don't ask them to consider how it feels to be on the receiving end of protest signs that erase Jewish peoplehood, slogans which endorse violence, or the torrent of harassment many of us face online. You frame empathy as a one-way demand, from Jews and to antisemites.

You talk about Tumblr seeing rubble and destruction, but not the context of how wars work, or why those buildings were targeted, or what Hamas does from inside civilian areas. You pretend to be fighting for complexity while displaying a very selective compassion.

If your goal was to model dialogue, it would help to avoid dressing up assumptions as invitations. Dialogue works best when both sides are treated as human from the start, not when one side is scolded for being inhumane.

You seem to congratulate yourself for not sending hate mail, but writing politely while misrepresenting someone's values is pure condescension, and that's what your entire ask reeks of.

If you want mutual understanding, start by assuming that the person you're addressing already engages with complexity, already sees humanity in others, and already thinks carefully about what they believe.

[curated-hdg]

Freedom's Ember by Kanagen (and also the whole Tillsandia Trilogy, because why not)

Released: March 2025

115k words; complete

Noteworthy Tags: Philosophy, What even is Freedom?

Trish survived Solstice. She survived the prison, the revolution, the long winter, and most important of all, she survived the Affini. So many others were taken, domesticated, made into nothing more than pets for humanity's new overlords, but Trish escaped that fate. Entrusted with a plan to keep the last embers of humanity's freedom alive, she labored for decades to make those plans a reality — but now the past is catching up with her, in more ways than one. Haven did not choose to be a scion of the hyper-wealthy elite, nor did she choose a father obsessed with his own progeny, and she certainly didn't choose to inherit his genetic legacy. Cast adrift on the tides of time by her father's cryogenic Hail-Mary attempt to evade the Affini, she awakens in a future dominated and defined by the Compact, where the only humans left who remember how things used to be are her now-elderly peers. Having spent her entire life wishing she had the courage to end everything, now she's faced with a new beginning, whether she wants it or not.

So I had a lot of spare time with no internet access today, and decided on a whim to start on Freedom's Ember. I then proceeded to devour the entire story, word by word, over the following 6 hours. IT'S A GOOD ONE.

Look, have I spoken at any length about the Tillsandia trilogy? I don't remember, which means it's definitely been long enough since doing so that it's worth spending a moment recapping.

(Incredible art by @hdgprom )

No Gods No Masters is broadly considered the philosophical heart of Human Domestication Guide, one of the most beloved and influential works within the entire setting. It examines how leftist and anarchist thought would handle the affini, it explores and elaborates on the imperialism of the Affini Compact, it features a monster dinosaur 'fini chasing a jeep up a cliff. It fuckin' slaps. I am not aware of anyone who enjoys any part of HDG as a setting and doesn't love this story, to the point that it felt redundant to even bring it up here. But I just finished Freedom's Ember and feel like gushing. Absolutely a foundational work in creating what Human Domestication Guide is, years later.

If you haven't read No Gods No Masters, fix that.

Then read The Floret in the Mirror.

The Floret in the Mirror is Kanagen's treatise on digital life in the Compact, and its influence on what life as a digitized sophont could look like is unmistakably stamped on the setting in no small part because it's goddamn fucking incredible. It's blisteringly hot, pushing the concept of eroticism into entirely new realms. Nearly everyone who's read The Floret in the Mirror, myself included, has come away from it thinking "I didn't know it was possible to be horny about that!". Like, this line will probably mean nothing to you without context, but uh... It goes so fucking hard.

J-355 was a good form.

It's one of those truly iconic snippets, up there with "Please Tell Me That's My Skin" and "You're A Pet, Not A Person", and when you read this story, you will understand why. I also think it's directly to blame for the rise of knolling in the HDG fandom, and for that I must salute it.

So we come to Freedom's Ember. What can I even say about Freedom's Ember?

Well, for one thing, it's a very sharp story. One of the defining traits of one of our main characters is constant intrusive suicidal thoughts; our second main character is about as feral as it's possible to be after so many years in the compact. It's also beautiful, in that very typical way of Kanagen's stories. Every single affini who asserts that they care proves it. They go so far to prove it. The story deals with themes of freedom, of loss of self, of learning to love oneself after life has convinced you you'd be better off dead, and just... stars. We also get to see how all our friends from No Gods, No Masters are getting on 60 years later, and that's also wonderful.

It's hard to even know where to start, mere hours after reading it. It is a powerful and frank exploration as to what freedom means within the context of the setting, a gorgeous demonstration of just how much the affini care, and to what lengths they'll go, and... I can't even hint at some of the incredible shit that happens here, but I will say that it features possibly the cruelest thing an affini has ever done to a xenosophont.

Oh oh oh the best part? GRANNY'S STILL FUCKIN' THAT DINOSAUR! 50 FILTHY YEARS, LET'S GO!

The Tillsandia trilogy is a full-blown masterpiece on every conceivable level. Freedom's Ember is incredible.

[pseudophan]

As a Late and Old phannie, what was the general reaction when wad came out? I only watched it recently which changes the context so massively… (I wasn’t super impressed but I’m v happy for him he did it)

putting this under a cut cause it got a bit long oopsies. which is funny because tl;dr i don't have a good answer

honestly i'm not an expert on this because i didn't see that much phandom content around that time? like i was active on here and i went to wad in oslo and london, but it was before i followed new phannies on here and most of the people i used to follow had left, so i mostly just saw whatever was in my inbox

from what i did see though, the reception was kind of a mix? it was a difficult thing to get a proper read on because you had ex-phannies who hated it and current very active phannies who loved it, but there wasn't any nuance in either camp like it was either the worst thing ever made because fuck dan howell specifically, or it was a masterpiece and if you disliked any part of it you're mean and just didn't get it. i'm not saying this was what the entire discourse was like, it probably wasn't, but from what i personally saw that i still remember there was a lot of that lol

i don't even remember what i said about it at the time, if i even said much. i feel like i may have actually seen more discourse than i think i did, i've just forgotten all of it 😭 the phandom was just kind of boring, watching their solo stuff was fun and all but i never felt like i had that much to comment on

i will say "not super impressed but i'm very happy for him that he did it" is basically my exact opinion of wad. i mean i was impressed by the performance, he really is a good live performer and i think i kind of forget that when it's been a while since i saw him, but the comedy aspect... i think maybe it would bother me less if i didn't know for a fact that man can be funny. i need him to be less safe in his jokes so bad lol like i know you have it in you can you PLEASE JUST- nvm not the point here. the emotional aspect was better but i'm just not the type to get moved by Everything Will Get Better speeches, so while i appreciated it idk that it did much for me personally. but yeah i really am glad he did it, i think it was really good for him and he should be proud of it. hell for a first ever solo stage show it's not bad at all, i know a lot of people who absolutely adore wad and say it changed their life, it just isn't my personal favourite. it's not bad it's not great it's just mid. and that's ok <3

[gatheringbones]

[“Imogen: Yeah, and I mean, I’m overstating it when I say I’m over it. It’s been really valuable and important to me to be building trans community. I’ve started a number of trans groups in different parts of the United States, and yeah. One of the things that was so rad about getting to publish Nevada with Topside Press, which was like, all trans people, was that they got it, right? The goal is not to get rich and famous. The goal is to get this into the hands of trans people who might like it or benefit from it or feel seen by it, I guess, most importantly. And so, if you’ve looked at the old interviews…. I can’t. But I remember talking a lot about the thing that really felt new, I guess, to me about Nevada was being like, “No no, I’m gonna write this for a trans audience rather than a cis audience.”

Because there was at the time, and I’m sure you still see this, but at the time it was very much like, if there was a trans character in a book then the narrative would fucking screech to a halt so that they could explain what hormones do and whether you know, if estrogen does anything to your voice, or like, what penile inversion surgery—or you know, it just felt like you could not tell a story about a fuckin’ trans person, and if they showed up they were either tragic, dying-in-a-gutter figures, or angelic… angels, I guess. [Both laugh] And so the idea really was, you know, let’s write this for a trans audience. And now to be like, oh, this thing that assumed some level of knowledge is suddenly going out to this wider audience which does not, like I said before, doesn’t have the same…I don’t know. I was gonna say, “which doesn’t have the same context,” but at this point, I guess people in general know more about trans people than they did 15 years ago, right? So like…. [Laughs] Are you kind of saying yes and no?

Tuck: I think the ones who are picking up Nevada does, yeah. I’m thinking about, a lot of my job outside of this is talking to cis people about gender, and I’m like, “A lot of them still don’t know any of it,” but they probably aren’t reading Nevada, so, I guess that’s fair.

Imogen: Right, yeah.”]

Imogen Binnie

[kaytheday]

Adopted Soda AU

(Based on the Outsiders Miscast with Aramie Payton as Soda)

Soda was adopted into the family very young. Maybe six or seven years old. Considering the historical and cultural context of this time, the Curtis’s got a lot of hatred from their community for adopting a black boy. Of course living on the East Side in a redlined area of town, it was a little better but still difficult. (Poor people can be racist just as easily as rich people!)

When he was brought home, Ponyboy was already born. This is where Ponyboy got the hero worship mentality from. He became obsessed with Soda when the Curtis parents brought him home, mostly because they told him that they had brought a big brother home just for him. 

Naturally, Mr. and Mrs. Curtis had no idea how to do his hair or how to care for it. For help, they reach out to either Ace and Steve’s Grents or some ladies that Mrs Curtis goes to church with. 

Steve was overjoyed the first time he met Soda. For the longest time, in their gang, it had been just him, Darry, and Two-Bit. Don’t get him wrong, Steve liked them just fine but it was nice to have Soda around. Someone who didn’t want to play football or get drunk all the time. 

Because Soda was adopted at a later age (6 or 7 years old), he still has some flashes of memory of his birth parents. He can remember watching his dad hit his mother with a belt buckle, nearly killing her. It scares him to death. He has nightmares over it that he’s never told anyone about. Unlike Ponyboy, he doesn’t scream, he freezes.

Adoption trauma is also a very real thing. Soda had very bad stutters for a long time and a hard time talking with both his parents and brothers at first. This was a kid who was taken out of his familiar home environment and put into a very unfamiliar place with people he didn’t know. He just had a hard time speaking and when he could get sentences out, he would stutter over them. 

He also had other learning disabilities like dyslexia and ADHD. I know these are general head canons for Soda but they definitely carry over in this context. 

It was due to this and a bunch of other things that kids made fun of him in school. He was the only black kid in a white family, he had been adopted, he stuttered and had a hard time reading. But Darry would never and I mean never let anyone shit on his little brother. Darry got in his fair share of fights against kids who were being cruel to Soda. Darry is actually the one who taught him to fight. He told Soda that he didn’t want those kids to ever make fun of him again. 

I would also imagine that the Soda in this context is a lot closer with Mr. Curtis than Mrs Curtis. Don’t get me wrong, he has nothing against his mother but he does have a hard time because he remembers his birth mother. She wasn’t the best mother, but he always knew in his heart that she might have loved him. He had a much easier time accepting Mr. Curtis as his real father because his birth father was a piece of shit. 

Still works at the DX with Steve and he still draws the girls like flies to honey. (I mean goddamn, have we seen Aramie? There is no way this wouldn’t be true.)

Yes him and Ace cosplay as a couple constantly. They are convincing to the point where everyone thinks that they are actually in love.

That week that Ponyboy leaves when Darry gets into an argument with Dallas, the argument is even worse. Dally blows up and says some very hurtful things to Darry. 

“I’m more of a brother to Ponyboy than you are and we all know that Soda ain’t even your blood. You all alone Darry.” 

They’d started fist fighting right in the Curtis living room. Soda had separated them and cast Dallas out. He’d comforted Darry of course but that night he’d cried and been scared that Darry didn’t actually think of him as a brother. It was something he’d been scared of since he was a little kid. He knew that Ponyboy worshiped the ground he walked on but Darry knew life before him. Knew what it was like to have a family with no black faces in it. Soda had always wondered if Darry saw him differently than Ponyboy. 

That night, Darry hears Soda crying through the walls and goes into his room to investigate. When he does, Soda breaks down and tells him all about his fears. Darry puts it all to rest, assuring him that Soda was his brother just as much as Pony was. It is still one of the hardest conversations they’ve had to date. 

Maybe Soda ends up joining the Black Panthers. After Ponyboy graduates, he wants to stop being a burden on Darry so he leaves. He goes with Steve to California or New York so that they can join one of the biggest of the Black Panther chapters. Darry was proud of him, he was just sad that Soda thought of himself as a burden. 

[theheightsgod]

[ @forsxken-fxw - 007n7 + Builderman -> Telamon :D . Yaoi'ing that shit up frfr . also WHY IS THIS SO LONG I JUST LIKE PROVIDING CONTEXT - ]

*{ 007n7 was sitting on the main cabins couch with Builderman , contemplating on what to write on the note to slip under Telamon's door . It was finally time for their reconciliation . }*

*{ Pen tapping against his chin , Seven looked to Builder who was just as deep in thought . }*

❝ Any ideas ? ❞

*{ The other thought , before shaking his head . }*

❝ Nothin' . ❞

*{ The ex-exploiter sighed , trying to think hard . That was before the admin chirped in . }*

❝ . . Why don't we jus' wing it ? Pun not intended . ❞

*{ That got a small laugh from 007n7 , before he nodded in agreement . }*

❝ Perfect idea , Builder . The pun made it even better . ❞

*{ The support hummed as the survivalist quickly wrote something down , before passing it to Builderman to sign it for them . So Telamon knew they both were working together . }*

*{ They both quickly proofread it , nodded at each other , walled together to Telamon's cabin entrance , and slipped the note under his door . It read as follows ; }*

*{ ❝ Remember when you said you would talk to Builder about what happened ? I , 007n7 think it's time . I'll be present as well , unless you want me to leave , which I will ! If you accept , please come to the main cabin . Me and Builderman are waiting for you ! ! ❞ }*

*{ ❝ Signed , 007n7 and Builderman . ❞ }*

*{ Wow , you could tell who's handwriting was whos . Seven's slightly shaky writing was very different from Builder's pin straight letters . Showoff . }*

Telamon turns his head as he hears the note sliding under his door. At first he was suspicious because realistically who puts notes through the underside of a door? But then again there wasn’t really a sure way of communicating from far away unless you counted the walkie talkies— not like he had one though. He moves his legs off the side of his bed and stands up, stretching his wings. They were crudely preened, and not like the perfection he preferred.

It was because he was still struggling, memories of events like that just don’t go away easily. Neither does the guilt trip from the spectre, but he was trying. He actually still hadn’t left his cabin, but he did get up more often after seven visited him. Maybe he did have an influence on Telamon.

His talons clicked against the floor as he bent down to grab the note and then stood up to read it. He almost immediately grounds upon reading the first sentence, yeah. Yeah he did say that, but he never thought it would come so quickly! He wasn’t even sure he was actually ready. But he stares when he sees it’s signed by both of them, not just seven, but builderman.

Telamon’s grip tightens on the note but he takes a deep breath and walks back to his bed to leave it on the dresser. He sat on his bed for a few minutes, mentally preparing himself for this. But he eventually came out of his cabin and walked to the main cabin, hesitantly stepping inside.

[lostyesterday]

I wanted to re-read Artificial Condition again before reading Rapport and I’m really glad I did because having the plot fresh in my mind was great. Thoughts on both:

Artificial Condition:

Ahhh I love this book. Like, I do love All Systems Red too, but this is where the series really sucked me in.

Murderbot just shutting itself down mid-argument with ART is the funniest thing ever.

I love how Tapan is constantly like, sorry, I know this is a terrible decision, but I’m still making it! Relatable <3. Murderbot: Ugh this human keeps making stupid decisions, I guess I have to protect her now. Tapan: You don’t have to keep protecting me. I’m sorry to have dragged you into this. Murderbot: …I guess I have to kill and/or die for her now.

I always forget the exact details of what happened at Ganaka pit and it always punches me in the gut every time I read it.

Totally forgot that ART calls its human captain persona Art. That made me laugh out loud. It loves Murderbot’s mean nickname so much :)

I became randomly obsessed with Tlacey’s ComfortUnit this re-read. (I hate calling it Tlacey’s but it doesn’t have a canon name.) It’s such a fascinating minor character and I want to know all about it. I actually wrote 1k of fic about it just to satisfy my obsession but I’ll probably never post it because the Murderbot fandom on AO3 is terrifyingly active and I’m scared of it.

Rapport:

Obsessed with Iris and Peri’s dynamic. It’s so good and fun. I only vaguely remember Iris from the later books (and to be fair I’ve only read System Collapse once so far) but I have got to pay way more attention to her this re-read.

I loved all the world-building details about things Murderbot doesn’t give a shit about so we never hear about them normally.

Peri being obsessed with Murderbot and trying to hide it is so funny. I love them.

Murderbot giving Peri a better understanding of trauma… ahhhh.

The context that Peri learned all this new stuff from Murderbot in Artificial Condition is so funny when reading one after the other. Does Murderbot realize that its “extremely simple” hacking of “laughably unsophisticated” security systems was probably absolutely mind-blowing to Peri?

[marypsue]

I freely admit that this post is more propaganda to try to get people to consider using a book journal than me actually believing that People In General keep book journals, but consider: keeping a book journal.

[blessedcactus]

Retaking my JP courses from the start as a refresher and ooo diacritical marks! I know you, my friend!!!

[xxplastic-cubexx]

okay, so here’s the abridged magneto/lee forrester rundown:

first of all, lee is actually cyclops’ ex (mags will never beat the mr. steal yo girl allegations), and at one point magneto captured she and cyclops in the middle of the whole leningrad fiasco, so they already know each other from that. flash forward like 20 issues of uncanny later (i think it’s uncanny x-men #188) and magneto crash lands in the bermuda triangle and almost gets eaten by a shark until lee, who’s the captain of a fishing boat, saves his life.

from there, the two of them start bonding in new mutants #23 and like 2 issues later, mags is already nursing a crush on her (like you said, he’s a LOVER), but she doesn’t really trust him because of the whole mutant terrorist thing. then lee saves his life AGAIN after his powers go haywire during a nightmare and the two of them make sweet sweet love. the next day lee admits that she’s scared of him and rejects him, leaving magneto heartbroken (he tells her specifically that he hasn’t felt this way about another person since magda). later, lee apologizes for judging him, magneto promises he’s a changed man, and they officially become an item.

then they’re interrupted by a psychic message from charles, uncanny #200 happens, magneto becomes headmaster of the school, and he and lee have a long distance relationship that lasts many years irl but probably only a year or two in comic years. unfortunately, they don’t interact much on panel after this, but they have a couple cute moments! at one point i remember them being at a pool with the rest of the x-men and kitty is like gagging in the background while they kiss and act all lovey dovey by the poolside. the relationship ends off panel at some point in the early ’90s, probably before fatal attractions. they’re actually technically still together during his and rogue’s savage land adventure, which is why he and rogue never actually do anything together at that point (he mentions that “[his] heart is pledged to another” and stops himself from kissing rogue).

sorry for the info dump!

omg the history run down.. ty for the info !!!! never apologize for sharing knowledge my friend..

[hanicchy]

you ever been in a fandom so niche you genuinely forget that it's your most niche fandom. sometimes i'll go "oh time to refresh the ao3 page!" or "oh time to see the tumblr tag!" and there's nothing. there are 64 fics on ao3 as of right now. if you check the tumblr tag its a mix of posts from a month ago and two years ago. the fandom consists of the creator, the same ten fans, and a dream. anyways everyone needs to go watch "lucids" and the prequels "jasper" and "the adventures of benjamin and oliver" by nicholas podany on youtube right now.

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2024: August Wrap-Up.

Hey, would you look at that, it's suddenly September! Rude and uncalled for. This month, I did a lot of knitting (two sets of gloves and two hats! gearing up for holiday season), and a LOT of writing (finished the first 16k draft of a scene, who???), and read uh. Some. I didn't finish a ton of books, but I did make it through what felt like a ton of pages.

Two-thirds of this month's reading were post-apocalyptic-community-oriented, on purpose, to feed into my current writing project, and that worked really well--either I'm very good at choosing books that match the vibe I need, or my ADHD brain is good at making connections, OR a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B. Photos and/or reviews linked below:

GHOST STATION (pages-out stand-in book pictured above, because I checked it out from the library after canceling my paperback pre-order, which was a good call) - ★★ This was very bad. Bad science, stupid incompetent characters, JUST enough neat worldbuilding to make it FRUSTRATING that this missed so hard. I'm bummed because I wanted to read DEAD SILENCE by this author, too, but I don't trust her now :(

ALWAYS COMING HOME - ★★★★½ Loved this!! Dense and chewy, and it required a lot of patience, but it was very rewarding and I'm really glad I read it. My absolute favorite passage was about scrub oaks, but I posted a few other highlights and tagged them as "le guin posting," if you're interested! If you like Le Guin and/or utopias and better futures and/or huge books that push what it means to Be A Novel, check this out for sure.

ARCHANGELS OF FUNK - ★★★½ So. I didn't realize that this was attached to a few other novels she's already written. And I read it cold (oops). Goodreads informed me that it was Book #2 of Cinnamon Jones, and review-diving indicated that REDWOOD AND WILDFIRE is also implicated in its worldbuilding, but that didn't stop me because I can't read. I would like to revisit this one after I've read those other two, I think, but!: The community and vibes and Making Art At The End Of The World were all immaculate, and the character names made me feel vindicated in some of my own naming conventions (seriously: there's an Indigo in this, and a Game-Boy, and Hawk, I can't make this shit up).

Under the Cut: A Note About ~*★Stars★*~

Historically, I have been Very Bad™ about assigning things Star Ratings, because it's so Vibes Heavy for me and therefore Contingent Upon my Whims. I am refining this as I figure out my wrap up posts (epiphany of this month: I don't like that stars are Odd, because that makes three the midpoint and things are rarely so truly mid for me)(I have hacked my way around this with a ½). Here is, generally, how I conceptualize stars:

★ - This was Bad. I would actively recommend that you do NOT read this one, no redeeming qualities whatsoever, not worth the slog. Save Yourself, It's Too Late For Me. Book goes in the garbage (donate bin).

★★ - This was Not Good. I would not recommend it, but it wasn't a total waste or wash--something in here held my interest/kept my attention/sparked some joy. I will not be rereading this ever. Save Yourself (Or Join Me In Suffering, That Seems Like A Cool Bonding Activity).

★★★ - This was Good/Fine/Okay/Meh. I don't care about this enough to recommend it one way or another. Perfectly serviceable book, held my interest, I probably enjoyed myself (or at least didn't actively loathe the reading). I don't have especially strong feelings. You probably don't need to save yourself from this one--if it sounds like your jam, give it a shot! Just didn't resonate with me particularly powerfully. I probably won't reread this unless I'm after something in particular.

★★★½ - I liked this! I'll probably recommend it if I know it matches someone's vibes or specific requests, but I didn't commit to a star rating on Goodreads. More likely to reread, but not guaranteed.

★★★★ - I really enjoyed this!! I would recommend it (sometimes with caveats about content warnings or such--I tend to like weird fucked up funny shit, and I don't have many hard readerly NO's). Not a perfect book for me by any means, but Very Good. This is something I would reread! Join me!!

★★★★★ - I LOVED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS, IT REWIRED MY BRAIN, WILL RECOMMEND TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION (content warning caveats still apply--see 4-star disclaimer). Excellent book, I'll reread it regularly, I'll buy copies for all my friends, I'll try to convince all of Booklr to read it, PLEASE join me!!

[maxiwaxipads]

Romarriche - “Your company is one of a kind… I would never lie to you. I would never say a half-truth or be quiet.” “What is it in your mind, Merold?” “Hearing your voice, complaint or not—it is music to me either way.” Merold - “If there is one constant in this world… Let it be you.” “You’re the cruelest and the kindest thing that happened to me.” “…If only you continued to look at me like that.” Romarriche - “…Merold?” Merold - “But~ It’s only a minor case of bad-mood-itis.” “So Romarriche, spoil me with a spar, will you?” Romarriche - “Merold.” Romarriche - “Look at me.” Merold - “…” Romarriche - “Is something… Wrong?” Merold - “Instead of a spar…” “I might want to lie down on your lap after all.”

[edge-oftheworld]

sometimes you’re having a normal day. then sometimes you meet someone who worked at norwest