#you need to realize this before someone tries to recruit you for an mlm

[transvampireboyfriend]

everyday i see usamericans giving way too much credit to their government agencies. people don't stop being idiots because they work for a government, assume incompetence

[spiralesbian]

ALRIGHT

here’s my full Stranger Avatar Sasha Archivist timeline:

(also, thanks to @artbyblastweave for being so interested in my lil au!)

SEASON ONE

sasha james is hired as the head archivist of the magnus institute!

her assistants are jon, tim, and martin

tim takes the thematic role of martin (aka getting tormented by my worm wife jane, and stays in the archives)

sasha reads thru statements and is a skeptic! she really does not believe it’s real until jane comes along.

“tim……………………..did you die here?”

“no, but every time i come to work i die a little more inside.”

cute timsha moment in the supply closet tho.

until martin kool-aid-mans through the door and gets them out of there

jon used to work in artefact storage so he hides in there. he’ll be fine

i actually can’t remember how they all get out but they do it KKJSDGFJHD

sasha takes everyone’s statements. tim is fucked up, martin is also fucked up, jon is actually fine though he seems pretty normal about this whole situation most definitely.

sasha realizes this is a bit more than a regular archivist job.

SEASON TWO

sasha gets paranoid of course. she learns more about gertrude because she never got the chance to meet her

she takes a statement from a guy named michael shelley. weird dude. then helen shows up :)

jon is most definitely himself he is just a normal regular grumpy jon i swear :)

sasha starts to manifest her powers a little bit. she doesn’t know it, but she is an avatar of the stranger, and a prisoner of the eye.

she starts to notice more things about jon? similar to this comic but with jon

eventually she + tim + martin help get jon out of the grip of the NotJon. this is my au and i get to choose who dies (it’s no one because i miss the s1 archival assistants too much).

jon is pretty fucked up from this though and at like a season-3-tim mindset already.

fucking goddamn leitner avatar of the fucking whore shows up to trap the NotJon in one of his shitty fucking novels. fuck this guy tho

he’s like Sasha We Must Talk and shes like okay but stay 8 ft away from me at all times you bitch

she leaves the room for 10 minutes and pipe murder occurs. good riddance

wait are the cops in the season i genuinely can’t remember. if they are, their roles don’t change very much. melanie and sasha feud, battle of the bi queens

SEASON THREE:

uh oh! girlie’s be framed for murder! she crashes at her ex gf georgie’s flat. also the admiral is there don’t think i would EVER cut him out of this story

(also jon is georgie’s ex too because i think that would be fun JDHBFHS)

sasha learns abt an upcoming web ritual (mirroring the unknowing), all that shit. gets kidnapped a ton of times, as usual.

helen is like “i am going to kill you because i hate gertrude <3 i was that dumb bitch’s assistant for too long” but michael busts out of the door like Hi Guys and traps her in the hallway.

sasha also gives her statement about a leitner she found as a child that marked her. its a stranger book and we learn her edgy orphan origin story how her parents were both murked by the stranger. fucked up if true!

back at the archives jon is like so fucking tired of this shit honestly and now martin is also pretty paranoid. also jm romance subplot is still very present!

tim is just trying to protect sasha at all times and he’s pissed she keeps leaving the country and getting fucking kidnapped

(remember when jon persuades the traffic cop?) sasha starts to fill her archivist role in a different way. she can shapeshift into the subject of a statement and uses her affiliation with the eye to coerce statements or info out of people. (example: if she needed a live statement from the guy in #90 Body Builder, she could temporarily make herself look like jared hopworth to the guy and ask “what happened to me?” or “what did i do?” and the guy would be like well he built some fucken bodies i guess let me tell you all about it) while reading the statements in america that refuel her, she fully shapeshifts into the statement giver while reading out loud.

once again i truly can’t remember daisy + basira’s roles until the end of the season. also melanie get shot by the ghost at some point

anyways sasha gets kidnapped by trevor and julia and they gerry lays out all the shit for her and she’s like ah! i’m fucked

tim offhand mentions the web ritual to martin and he loses his shit cause he’s marked by the web blah blah this isn’t a web!martin thing i swear i just need someone to fill tim’s role in the ritual and a lonely ritual would be fucking boring as hell as we learned from ass man peter lukas. i hate that man

so they make the plan to stop the web ritual (which is fucking hard when the offense knows your every move) so sasha, basira, daisy, jon, and martin go.

tim stays back at the institute to burn shit and distract elias. elias does some fucked up shit as usual and it makes me sad

the ritual starts! they have a plan to blow it up and run but like. u know how it goes

instead of the unknowing-stranger-dream-sequence, we get everyone kinda mixed up in a huge spider’s web on the big stage and its still quite confusing because this ritual not only manipulates the prey, but also the prey’s perceived reality. the web is also in current control of the buried coffin cause they think that shit is kinda fun. they yeet daisy into it.

hard to describe what happens, but basira keeps her cool, jon is a bit lost in his own mind, sasha tries to use her powers to escape but fails. she manages to get through to martin through the strings and mounds of spiders and she tosses him the detonator.

[squishing spider noises]

SEASON FOUR:

martin doesn't die, i told you i can't kill the og archival assistants! he does lose most of one leg though, he took the blunt of the explosion.

sasha in da hospital in da coma. tim is mad he can’t wake her up and then my man ollie says “ur fucked up mate” and she wakes up

(and because coma jon has such wild hair controversy, i’m establishing that her head was shaved when she was in the coma. it grows back thru s4. it she keeps one side shaved cause she’s cool)

meanwhile tim is recruited by that dumbass man you know who i don’t even wanna say his stupid fucking name

sasha gets daisy out of the buried. they become avatar pals!

(there is the biggest blank in my memory where all of season four should be. at this point i should just relisten to the entire fucking show but i would literally just forget it all again)

melanie says hm. fuck this! and blinds herself. she goes to live with georgie (and that’s the moment jon and sasha realize they are both georgie’s exes FHFHDJD)

tim continues to fight the lonely pull. he thinks that since p*ter l*kas is tied to the institute, he can blind himself out cause melanie was successful. he is wrong. he is also interrupted by elias midway, and only blinds one eye, and loses most of his sight in the other. elias’s hold on him is weak, but this just drives him way farther into the lonely.

gotta be honest i remember the end of season four but like i couldn’t visualize what was happening at the end so i like don’t understand what happened JGDKFJGD but sasha intervenes (???) and peter yeets tim into the lonely (???) and sasha jumps in (??????) after him. elias is just there i guess?

instead of “look at me martin,” sasha finds tim and at this point her form is warped and hard to recognize because of stranger powers, and tim is almost 100% blind, so she says “don’t look at me, see me. see me tim, it’s me.” and finally creates a clear image of herself. “it’s...it’s you. you’re my sasha.”

they break free and go to scotland i guess KHSDDKDSF

idk what happens with jon and martin im losing continuity at this point. fuck it, they smooch <3

“ah these are the statements.”

“yes. basira said last week she’d send some up as soon as the archives weren’t a crime scene. and she wasn’t sure which ones you’ve read already, so she, she just said she’d send a bunch.”

“.........Hello Sasha.”

(alternate ending: personally i think sasha would read through each statement before speaking them aloud cause that’s what i would fucking do, so she would get this statement and be like “lmao tim come look at this elias trying to prank me dumb bitch think i’ll start the apocalypse for him. fucking little puny bitch boy. anyways what do you want for dinner?”)

SEASON FIVE:

“just. listen.”

“...i’m dead. and you have been chosen to be my replacement as head archivist. hopefully, this means you, jon, but if someone else is hearing this, and elias has made a different choice for some reason, then these words are still very much intended for you.”

sasha in full stranger avatar mode and is like 8ft tall and her faces shift a lot as they go through the realms. except the stranger is the second to last one (the panopticon is last obviously).

helen and michael actually talk shit out in the spiral hallway and now they are mlm wlw solidarity and both like tim and sasha are such bi and trans icons <3 this is so fun don’t you love the fearpocalypse <3

oh daisy n basira trapped in the hunt, and jon and martin are trapped in the stranger. wtgfs + the admiral are like in space or some shit idk but they are ok :)

not much to report other than she is my monster wife <3

i really don’t have many theories to how everything in s5 is gonna pan out, and i would like to closely mirror the actual show, so maybe as we get closer to the end i’ll build more on to this! thanks a lot for all the notes on my first sarchivist post!! also if u wanna make art this specific au DEF tag me in it i’d love to see!!

[secretentourage]

This is for all of you who are lost, confused, don't know where to start, how to make money, and even how to learn... PLEASE STOP FALLING FOR THIS STUPID MARKETING BS! Today, I woke up with this in my inbox. For a good 5 minutes I just sat there, thinking to myself, "WTH, it's 2017. Why are people still falling for these things?" I decided enough is enough - it's time to educate you guys on the realities of business marketing that you do not seem to understand. I am going to use myself as an example too, so trust me, this isn't a personal attack on anyone, it's opening your eyes. This ad that I saw states that an affiliate marketer has made over $1,000,000 in sales. While this seems high, it's possible for him. That said, here is what most people fail to see and understand: 1. There is a marketing cost to that million dollars of revenue. As a rule of thumb, many marketers take home about 10% of what total gross sales are. The problem, of course, is saying "I took home $100,000" isn't as attention-grabbing as saying "we sold $1,000,000". 2. If you start today, you will not enjoy ANYTHING near that amount. Why? This marketer has been building his business for four years (for example, back when Instagram was a free-for-all platform and every day you could grow 5K followers just by posting quality content. You can't do that anymore.) That means that when you have a base of 2,000,000 followers to market to, you have what most people don't have when they start, which makes it easy to succeed fast. If I do the same thing, I have a huge base of people to pitch so it's just a matter of how I pitch. For the average person, you have to first find a potential lead (pay for it), then attempt a pitch, then adjust based on results. In many cases, this wastes tons of money before you make even one dollar. So for you, the average person getting started, it's unlikely that you see anything near even 5% of your gross sales. If you have to also build a following, you'll be way down in losses before any money is made back. Nowhere does any ad talk about this critical piece of the puzzle. 3. Digital affiliate marketing has been around for YEARS, it's nothing new. This is no different than being an MLM, just online. It's OK if you understand what you're getting into, but you're really just selling other people's products for them and taking half the profit. Would you go to Walmart, buy a bottle of Pepsi for a dollar, and try to resell it for 50c more? It sounds stupid, right? Actually, a Pepsi is more likely to sell than most of the products that are being affiliated because no one knows about them... but they know what Pepsi is. If you think just signing up for a program then posting your affiliate link on your Facebook page is going to make you money, you're delusional. You have to learn how to make great landing pages, write great copy, and even go so far as figuring out how to spend good marketing money that will convert skeptics into believers. If you are smart enough to do this, then the first question you should ask yourself is, "Why the hell would I do all that work just to sell someone else's product instead of my own?" EXACTLY! You wouldn't - which is why 99% give up in their first 30 days. That attrition rate doesn't matter to the guy who recruited you because he gets paid as soon as you sign up to sell. 4. You watch me on social on @icreatemillionaires talk about 3 critical things all the time and leverage my cars, house etc... to convince people, right? I keep saying join the Secret Academy, read RADIUS, read TCT and you too will have what I have. Sounds crazy, right? I agree, and it makes sense if you think of it in the context of what is shown to you. You cannot have a 7 figure house & 7 figures in cars JUST by being an entrepreneur. You can have them when you succeed as an entrepreneur. This is why I never say you'll achieve this in 90 days. I say you will learn this in 90 days. There is a difference. I also never tell you to do exactly what I do. I don't teach people to write blogs, build platforms like Secret Entourage, or sell courses. I don't even teach you what I know to start a business in the automotive industry like I did back then in 2005. I don't teach you how to make $1.7M in real estate like l did in 2006 nor how I made $800,000 in 3 months trading 2 stocks in 2009. I don't teach it because you can't replicate it. It's a matter of timing, it's a matter of being the right person ready to take action in front of the right opportunity. It's not about execution, it's not about knowledge, it's about everything coming together after YEARS of practice and failure. This is not SEXY people, that's why I only have 90K followers on Instagram and not 5 Million. It's a not a dream. It's a reality that every one of you will come to accept at some point in your life or another. You just need to hope that by the time you realize it, it's not too late to have enough energy and time to get started. There is no shortcut. It took me 10 years to make enough money to engage in all the opportunities above I mentioned, while still working a day job. It took me 5 years after that being a small business owner and fucking dying with no sleep to survive and not have to close my doors. It took me 5 more years to learn how to be an entrepreneur and then be able to find victories in varied industries. Somehow, despite all that effort, some guy will open his email see that bs ad and say: "For $47, I am going to have the unicorn formula to making a million dollars this year, even though I haven't even learned to make my first $1000 in business." Business is about the art of creating transactions and getting good at it. It's simple, but it's NOT easy. 5. With Exotic Car Hacks, I don't teach people to wake up in an exotic when they're broke and don't understand 2 things about making a dollar. I teach people to finance in the context of cars because most people don't understand that luxury goods are a financial business transaction for the seller and buyers of these things. The more you understand, the more you realize how to create transactions, not be the one on the wrong side of it. I have an ad that says "Learn to get in an exotic car in 90 days." It's my highest converting ad, and while I show you a Huracan in it, it is NEAR impossible for someone who has never owned a car to buy their first Huracan in 90 days. However, it is not impossible for them to buy their first exotic (perhaps a GTR, R8, Masi etc...) but just cause I show you a pic, you assume it's going to be a Huracan. Marketing is the art of allowing your customers to create self-assumptions of what will happen to them by becoming your customers. By the way - Nike does the same thing with fitness/sports performance, Apple does this for graphic designers and creative artists, and even Subway did it with that Jared guy pushing weight loss. This is an ART. Don't hate it - learn to master it. So what did you learn from this post? 1. Don't fall for stupid bs. There is no $47 solution to your problems. There is no book that will make you a million. Each book is an opportunity to understand how to think. It's up to you to pull the value out of it. 2. You won't make a million sitting at home doing what another 20,000 people tried to do last week. 3. Learn to decipher marketing from reality. 4. Entrepreneurship is about creating a path, not finding one. 5. Business is about creating a path for others to walk on and pay you for it. 6. Read Third Circle Theory & Radius - I wrote them for a reason - so you can learn. If you don't think you get it after you read something the first time, read it again. There is a reason Andy Frisella and Fabio Viviani call me one of the smartest guys they know. It's not because I spit BS. I teach Business & Entrepreneurship. Sometimes that's not sexy, but it's necessary, because in 10 years there will be 60% fewer jobs and most of you will already be behind. This is the time to take action and the time to figure out that first 10 years so you can be in a position to take action when SHTF. Pejman PS: If you want to network with REAL entrepreneurs and learn how REAL businesses are born, then head over to my Secret Entourage Academy here: http://ift.tt/2idQ6Nv http://ift.tt/2v8Y5ge