#you might be more motivated to take care of them 💕 and maybe they are going to grow healthier and stronger ✨

[eclecticmiasma]

Hello! Good evening!

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Mithrun and I had a small scenario pop up in my head, and it would be lovely to see your vision on how this would play out, please and thank you 💕:

AFAB!Elf!reader is a member of the canaries, very soft spoken and rather kind. The nicest, most likely. Against her better judgement she’s down bad for the captain and everyone else is like “pls no I’d rather you not”. (She can fix him/jk)

Mithrun realizes she has feelings for him and in a very subtle way treats her a little more gentle than the others. Lets her spoil him a tiny bit more. Listens to her a bit more.

Reader can only hope one day maybe…just maybe…the captain can show a little interest in her too 🥺 and is oblivious that he lets her get away with a little more than others

Just very soft feelings all over

I won't spoil it for those who haven't read the manga, but there are instances where we see Mithrun treat Kabru rather favorably and opening up in great detail about his past. In a side story, we also see that younger Mithrun cared for the other canaries quite a bit. I imagine that even without his desires, Mithrun would appreciate care shown to him in his own Mithrun-y way.

SFW

Mithrun might be adverse to you at first, because when he really looks inward you remind him of his younger self.

However, Mithrun would soon come to see that you don't have the same...pitfalls in your personality that brought him where he is today. He might even come to somewhat admire your ability to stay genuinely kind in a world like theirs.

The other canaries start to notice that you have a much easier time getting their leader to take an ounce of care in his own well-being than any of them ever have. Some of them think it's entertaining while others (Pattadol) think the favoritism is unnacceptable.

Cithis might tease him about it if you aren't around, "We don't want to worry poor [y/n] by getting all dehydrated now, do we captain?"

Even the mention of your name is enough to motivate Mithrun, though you remain completely unaware. In your mind, the captain regards you as nothing more than a subordinate.

You don't notice the way his good eye trains on you as you talk about life before the canaries. You don't realize how fast he falls asleep when you're near. The magnitude of the fact that one night he voluntarily tells you a story about when he and his brother were children slips by you completely.

Pattadol is the only one to ever bring it up to you directly, and you truly have no idea what she's talking about. None of the others help her either, preferring to sit back and watch how her face reddens with frustration.

Mithrun isn't oblivious to the situation, however. He knows that there's something about you that...calms him, at the very least. He's sharp enough to know that you feel the same way about him, perhaps even stronger.

He likes having you around. It's not something he wants when you're gone, but it's something he enjoys while you're there. Because he knows you have some type of feelings for him, he indulges you at every turn. He even lets you wash his back and massage the scarred tissue built at the tips of his ears- though you're terribly relieved he can't see the heat rising on your cheeks as you do so.

One day, long long after the dungeoneering is done, perhaps you might even be able to help Mithrun find his desires, find himself again.

*do not post elsewhere without explicit permission. please consider reblogging, as Tumblr tends to hide adult content!

[RULES] [MASTERLISTS] [AO3] [KO-FI]

[aloneatpeace]

Cosmic Chaos

Chapter 28

Hey guys hope you all are doing well healthy and taking care of yourself, hope you like this chapter and please let me know what you think please reblog, like and interact with me it helps me to write. don't be silent reader show your support to the authors and their work it really appreciated by us and keep us motivated, have a good reading, much love 💕 really sorry for slow updates been busy with life and class.

Your author

SC

Jackson walks towards the hospital looking around the area he then nods towards the darkness Derek stepped out. Newly turned his senses are going haywire, he can hear more clearly, he can even hear his blood rushing through his body. his eyes never felt clearer everything feel intense.

Scott sits straight the scent of newly turned beta reach his sense overwhelming him, he shoots upon his feet starling stiles.

"What? what? is something wrong.?" Stiles bombarded alternating glances between scott and to your door.

The sound of footsteps makes stiles turns frowning in confusion when jackson comes in he turns to scott.

"Scott?" stiles lay his hand on his shoulder scott doesn't take his eyes off jackson his mouth opens in slight gasp.

Scott point Jackson "He's turned."

Jackson quickly hurried towards him shushing them "Shut it McCall"

Stiles hands grip scott's shoulder tugging him "What? wait Derek turned you?"

Jackson looks behind him and grin at them as derek comes into their vision "Yes, he did."

Scott breaks out of his momentary shocked state, his fist clenched beside him "Are you nuts, did you not see what happened and you still choose this."

"What I do with my life is none of your business McCall" jackson barked at him.

"Why is he here?" stiles cross his arms looking at Derek who stands beside Jackson now.

"How is she?" Derek asks looking at door of your room he can hear your heart beat and your soft breathing. But he can still hear how your heart beat started slow down and breathing getting strained, the smell of your fresh blood as he held your bloodied figure in his arms how you gripped his hands, your pain.

Stiles rolls his eyes at him "let's not forget that you're the reason she in there."

Derek glare at stiles but before he can snap back his ears pick up the voices in that rounding the corner and speed into your room without saying anything making stiles stumble back and yell at him.

"Stiles?" his father's voice stops him from following derek.

+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*

Maybe the truth is derek doesn't really mind when your run your mouth at him like never stopping radio, chatting up his ear making him go through every phase annoyance to something that he internally yarns to hear.

Or the smug smile when you get under his skin and sassy clap back at him might be not as vexing as he thinks.

Derek realizes that he would take your disappointed look and scolding over your current state, unknown to his presence, medical wires hooked.

His feet take him to your side, blocking out the conversation and him getting potentially taken to custody he finds himself straining his senses to hear your heart beat.

His steady eyes fall on your gash on temple, to the mark on your neck and finally the dressed wound on your chest peeking out of your hospital gown.

He should have seen it coming, he should have heard the arrow cutting throw the air, he should have shield you not the other way around, he should have get hit with arrow not you.

His fingers reach out touching yours, a touch that almost feels nonexistent but still enough he could feel skin of your tip of fingers, the same delicate fingers that moments ago he felt on his own skin, that send shivers down on his spine. His experimental touch gets bold as intertwine his finger against your finger.

His veins turn black taking whatever pain that left in you until there is none left, still the fleeting touch remain unremoved.

Meanwhile outside the room

"Dad! What are you doing here?" stiles walk towards his dad who just walked in with scott's mom.

Noah smile in relief to see stiles back with scott "I was on my way home"

"Dad"

"I know you won't leave; I just came here to check on both of you. scott's mom said she's stable now." Noah interprets his son his voice isn't lased with annoyance but that of understanding.

Melissa nods "I still think you two should just go home th"

"Mom"

Melissa sighs "alright."

Stile's dad face change into a pensive look "I heard what happened from Allison and her dad. I would like know your side of story as well."

The three boys share look unsure of how start "What were you kids doing in the woods.?" Stiles dad's voice shift into that of sherif.

"We were just messing around you know.... its Halloween." Jackson starts looking pointily at scott and stiles.

Stiles starts to nod slowly "Yeah, yes!"

Scott then remembers what Chris argent had told him "Yeah, Allison's cross bow went off, it was accident." Scott cut in stiles look at before nodding along.

Scott's mom pinches his ear making him whine "Do you know how lucky you all are?" Stiles and jackson takes step back to the side. "Do you know how scary it was when stiles came running carrying her in that state?"

Stile's dad also caught off guard at the sudden action. Stiles from the side motion his dad to save scott from his mother's wrath. Noah shakes his head at his son but stiles vigorously motion to do so.

"Let's all calm down" Noah cautiously pulls Scott's mom away from "I think they already know how grave this situation is."

The three nod, Melissa clam down exhaling sharply she glares at three boys in front of her. stiles dad looks at him "Call me if you need anything alright?"

"Got it dad." He pats stiles and scott shoulders before leaving melissa also leave soon after but not before warning them not to do anything stupid, even though its impossible to them not to do anything that is not stupid.

Once the both of them out of their vision stiles and scott run inside the room Jackson follow them.

"YOU! stay way from her" stiles straight yell at him pointing his finger at derek, though it didn't falter the said man as he just simply cross his arms with a nonchalant look on his face.

"Stiles, keep it down." Scott pointed out.

"Oh, I'm sorry did we just forget that the reason she is in the hospital is because of him." stiles argued glaring at derek.

"Stop pointing finger at me. I didn't ask her to jump in front of the arrow." Derek snap back walking towards them. scott stands between them.

Jackson glance between them and the door "can you keep it quite please." His words fall into deaf ears.

Stiles let out a dry laugh "Not only she saved your sorry ass, but you're ungrateful." Scott sigh between them.

"Stiles, clam down."

Derek step closer his lips stretched into a snarl "I didn't need any saving. she was idiot for jumping in front of me."

"God, I wanna punch him so bad." Stiles grunted out closing his eyes as if he's manifesting it to happen.

"Me too."

"Thank you." stiles say turning to you, throwing his arms up. Everyone in the room pause before stiles yells your name out loud running to you.

His lips stretched to wide smile that reached his eyes as he looks down at you, scott soon joins him whispering your name.

You give them sly smile coming out of your daze, stiles teary smile and scott's relieved face welcomes you.

Stiles hugs you "I'm so so so glad you're back." You can feel his tears on your skin you wrap your hands around him.

"I was never gone in first place though." You smile savoring his hug with closed eyes, Stiles pull back. you turn to scott who hesitating to reach out to you, the guilt in his eyes clear as his tears though you don't see how any of this his fault.

"No hug for me scott?" one-minute stiles is standing beside next thing he knows that he is getting pushed aside by scott making him yelp at the sudden attack. scott hands wrap around tightly, his tears freely fall as he hide his face on crock of your neck.

"Please don't ever do that. Please don't." his voice choked; you rub soft circles around on his back sighing into the embrace.

Scott pulls back he smooth down your hair gently, stiles take hold of your hand gripping it tightly in his hands silently.

You finally turn to other two people present on your room, laying back on propped bed. "Hello Jackson, Derek."

Jackson confidently walks towards you with a grin "Welcome to the land of living. You alright?"

"I am."

Jackson nod "I should go tell his mom that you're awake." Scott and stiles narrow their eyes at his words finding it hard to believe that jackson being some what civil.

You nod in silent gratitude eyes shifting to Derek. "You alright there?" Derek doesn't say anything just looking at you while his face void of emotion his eyes said a whole another story.

Stiles and scott share confused glance at derek frozen frame "derek?" you call his name again and that's seem to do the trick.

"You were stupid." That what he said while scott signed in exhaustion already dreading where the conversation might lead. Stiles scoff at his words.

You let a giggle making them confused "it's not your fault." Derek sharply inhales his hands fisted beside him tightly.

"You were reckless and stupid." He flashes his eyes at your figure beyond vexed at your soft smile and expressive eyes, snarling the words at you before turning and starts to walk.

You smile at his retreating figure "I don't blame you neither should you." he halts in his steps before speeding out the room.

"I beg to differ. And the attitude on him not even an 'thank you for saving my life I'm in debt of you for life'" Stiles chimes in sitting beside your bed.

You lean against him "You know how derek is and don't lie stiles, you know it too. it not his or scott's fault it's not even Allison fault. I did it myself."

"Doesn't mean I need to accept it."

"Stiles."

"Fine. fine."

Scott joins stiles, sitting down on the side, his hands laying on your knees smiling at you. the next few hours you three spend getting an earful from Melissa that you almost missed being temporarily dead for moment but you three sit through head down mustering most innocent look you all could.

You also called Grams letting her know that you are absolutely fine and she just said she know, followed by stiles dad calling you as melissa let him know that you're awake and well you also spend a solid one hour his worries. Going through your phone you saw flood of text messages from Lydia, her texts somehow feel unfished then it just nothing then there is Haley, Danny and surprisingly Issac too.

He had come to the party in search of you when he couldn't find he had just gone home before he heard what happened. Your heart melted at obvious nervous texts, it rather adorable scrolling all while pushing stiles away to keep him peeking at texts scott had gone out get something to eat for you and your favorite drink.

Scott walks into your now room carrying your drink and food as well a diet coke for stiles he had already drunk his own his way. Stiles and you welcome him with excitement making scott smile his puppy smile.

You sigh taking sip of your drink, the drink quenches your thirst, refreshing your insides making you close your eyes at sweet sensation.

Stiles already starts make his grabby hands on your food complaining he had lost all his muscles carrying you that he should be the one to be nourished. One everything settled you lean against your propped bed stiles take up the left side while scott on your right side.

"What a day." Stiles says while you nod along, he glances at his friends "and I can now confidently say our days as normal teenagers is long gone."

"Stiles"

You turn to scott "he's right its just not pessimism speaking and we all need to accept. And sooner or later they all will know."

Scott sigh lean back thinking, yeah, the two of you are right as always annoyingly so, but part of him still has the hope that he can go back to being a normal boy he once was. "doesn't mean I have to like it." you and stiles rolls your eyes at him.

"So, recap, Kate Argent dead. Peter dead thankfully. Derek is an alpha now God he's gonna be insurable tenfold. Oh, and Jackson of all people is turned by him."

"Not surprised." You scoff before letting out laugh making them turns to you confused as you burst into full blown laughter.

"Huh?" stiles voiced while scott looks at you cocking his head to side.

"I don't know why. I just though Derek as Jacob and him being all 'Bella where have you been loca'." You answered between laughing "And Jackson being his new Bitch." You crackle.

"Your humor needs work." stiles add giving you a disapproving look, you kick him in shin making him glare at you before the two you starts pull each other hair and clothes scott let out relived sigh lay back on the bed watching stiles yelp when you bit his hand only for stiles bite you on your shoulder while pulling your hair your fist also clenched around his hair.   

Series masterlist

Taglist

@notaceventura

[neutron-stars-collision]

Deadlines & Commitments

Neil x F!Reader

Chapter 6 - Canada Water Underground Station

Masterlist; Chapter 5 Summary: Neil shows you just how well he can take care of you. As the night at your place takes a turn, you both need to adjust to the slight change in the dynamic. Warnings: Explicit content, and I mean it; swearing; slight angst. Author's Notes: Okay, so I'm a day earlier than I thought but since barely anyone reads this anyway... *shrugs* might as well. This is 10+k of smut and then another 3k of mental spiralling (thanks to Duran Duran), to make things more entertaining :)) It's been a while since I wrote scenes like this and it proved to be a challenge but I do hope I delivered. One thing is certain - these two definitely were into whatever I envisioned in my daydreams ✨ Without further ado, I'm leaving you with another 14k of words. The motivation for this story fluctuates like crazy but for now, more is coming. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think? 💕 Taglist: @hollandorks, @kristevstewart, @stargirl25 (let me know if you want to be added)

Although it was far from the very first time you had a gorgeous man kneel before you with a promising smile on his face and a determination to cure your ails through the sheer force of a good orgasm, it might have been the most memorable one.

If only just because of Neil’s eyes, staring into the depths of your soul as he carefully took off your underwear, simultaneously laying kisses on the expanse of your calves, knees, and thighs. In some shades of the light, you would swear his eyes were twinkling.

At first, you wanted to look away, hoping it would help your case. Make it seem less meaningful in this unspecified way that you could not and would not dissect for months. Soon, you found that you simply could not look away. Instead, you looked on, letting his tender caress arrest your senses and instantly put you back within that fuzzy space of mind. Once he took off your panties, Neil glanced up to meet your gaze, that dangerous smile still hiding in the corners of his mouth. His hands continued the journey, pulling up the dress for easier access, all the while driving you another step closer to madness with perfectly laid kisses, burning the tender skin of your inner thighs. Before you could even think of anything to say, he broke the heavy silence:

“You’re beautiful,” the certainty in his voice, as if stating a fact not unlike the existence of the forces of gravity, made you feel lightheaded.

Sure, it was something you had heard before. Maybe even often. But that didn’t mean you believed it. The notion scratched at the edges of your insecurities, never quite managing to scrape them away. Usually, it fell way off.

“See, I don’t know if I should take that seriously” stumbling through the sentence with a breathless voice, you subtly shifted your hips on the sofa and pointedly glanced down at Neil with what you hoped was ferocity, “Considering what you’re about to do to me,”

From his vantage point, with his hands pinning your thighs to the couch, legs wide open with everything on display, the point was more than evident. You could tell Neil caught it with how that light pink spread over his cheeks again, painting a fascinating contrast.

“You should,” drawing mindless circles on your kneecap as if to buy his time, Neil added, “I’ve thought it since I first saw you. It just didn’t seem the right thing to say back then” he shrugged, daring to put forward another mind-blowing concept.

Another fact undeniable only to him. As if desperate to make talking even harder for you, Neil took the pause as his chance to drop his gaze from that respectable position, wandering over your face to stare at the apex of your thighs with nothing but hunger in his eyes. You swallowed hard, feeling the arousal spread through your veins like wildfire.

“And now?” the question was all you could manage, driven by the remains of sanity that considered this answer essential.

As if it would change anything at all.

“Now I’m hopefully going to make you feel really good, so… There aren’t many lines left to cross” Neil glanced up at you again, that same confident smile acting as both a warning and an enticement, luring you in.

As if aware of your increasingly muddled state, he let go of your knee to squeeze your hand and grinned. There was nothing more you felt capable of saying. Or doing, except to drop your head back on the sofa headrest and let Neil do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Which was to trace an invisible line up the expanse of your right leg to that place between your thighs, that was already drenched because of him. Even that ghostly touch burned your skin as Neil carefully parted your folds with the tip of his index finger and dragged it through the slick. Muffling a groan by forcefully biting your lower lip, you closed your eyes. You were already on fire.

“Is this all for me?” the wonder in his voice, combined with just enough smugness to make you consider punching Neil in the face, was another reason to drown in the embarrassment.

Although, drowning in need was a close second with how Neil slowly mapped out his terrain, spreading the wetness over your slit and around the entrance. Preparing you for what he had in mind.

Before you knew what you were doing, your hand had found its way to the nape of his neck, lightly playing with the hair ends and pressing against the warm skin. The contact acted like an anchor, assuring you of the realness of the situation.

“Yeah, but don’t get too cocky about it,” the end of what you hoped to be a warning never quite landed as it was immediately followed by a gasp.

A consequence of the fact that Neil decided to use that exact moment to delve in. His warm breath fanned across your bare skin as he settled between your thighs with a simple comment:

“I’ll do my best” the tail end of the quip was followed by the first experimental lick through your folds, the tongue lightly dragging through the sensitive skin.

You choked on a curse, fingers of the occupied hand already tangling in his blonde locks. Your other hand gripped the sofa edge hard enough that you worried it would leave indents in the material.

Neil took that sound as a cue, repeating the move till you could barely stay still. Keeping your hips pinned to the couch with one arm slung across your thighs, he swirled his tongue over your heat, collecting the arousal as if he was dying of thirst. Just when you thought he would offer respite, he dragged the tip of his tongue up towards your clit and focused the attention on the spot that had you crying out loud.

It was easy to let go then. To keep your eyes closed when Neil’s thoughtful manoeuvres and skilled tongue attacked your senses with an intensity that soon made it impossible to think or speak. Resorted to incoherent mumblings and moans, you tugged at Neil’s hair with force, making him groan. The sound went straight to your core, shooting like a live wire through your body and making you tense up. He was good at this. Not that you ever doubted he would be. He listened and used the cues available to go where you needed him, interchanging between lapping at your heat and sucking your clit. Like a scholar dedicated to his study. Like a devoted believer praying at the altar of his God.

Or goddess, apparently.

You could feel the knot in your lower stomach tighten, that wave of pleasure getting close to unbearable with every second. An attempt at speech only got you as far as a breathless admission, interrupting the silence filled with nothing but your shameless screams:

“I’m so close” it was merely a fact, something he could discern from the force of your grip over his hair or the way you quivered, barely able to keep yourself together, “Neil, please just-”

You did not even know what you were asking for. Something. Anything.

He knew anyway. You felt a comforting touch, a careful hand tracing invisible circles on the skin of your outer thigh as Neil took a break to glance up. Your eyes snapped open at the interruption, meeting his gaze as if following a sense you had no label for.

Much later, you would wonder whether that, the connection so alike the first time your eyes met over the carriage floor, could be something different than a trick of light. Something substantial. Something terrifying.

But, back then, you could only stare back. Vulnerable and at his mercy, yet not scared of the prospect. As if able to read your mind or the incoherent ramblings resembling scatterings of thoughts, Neil shot you a grin. His lips and chin were glistening, coated with your slick. The sight was enough to make you clench around nothing and shudder. Your body wound tight still.

Whatever Neil saw in that moment of silence must have been what he was searching for. Your eyelids fell close when you felt him dive in again, the talented lips enveloping your heat without a second wasted.

Before you could as much as let yourself immerse in the steady rise of pleasure, in the exact feel of his mouth at the most sacred of places you could offer, he took it that one step further. Delivering the deathly stroke with the tip of his tongue, prodding at your entrance, and penetrating it without mercy. It was too late to try muffling the cry torn out of your throat without warning. Christ. You could only attempt not to rip the hair from his head as you tugged at the blonde locks and tried to get him closer. Tried to do what you always did and take what you wanted.

But Neil would not let you, his grip unyielding over your hips, keeping you pinned to the sofa. Keeping you spread out and helpless as he dragged you over the precipice with the tenderness of his touch and the determination of a man desperate to do well. Desperate to serve.

“Oh, fuck,” the curse carried on a moan in that last flash of coherence before the edges of your vision darkened, and your spine rose in an arch, unable to hold still anymore, “I’m-” the thought, whatever it was meant to be, was never finished.

Instead, it got replaced with a litany of his name, whispered with the tint of ecstasy, colouring the vowels and consonants. As if you had nothing else to say. No one else to praise. Just Neil. The wave of pleasure crashed into you without subtlety, its force rendering you numb as you quivered beneath his tongue and under his firm hands. Neil held you as you shook, licking you clean as if he did not want to lose the taste of you from his tongue for hours to come.

When the orgasm started fading, and you felt your body relax again, falling limp against the cushions, you opened your eyes. The hazy vision blurred the edges of your living room, making it seem soft and pliant. Unreal. With a quiet sigh, you glanced down just in time to see Neil raise his head and meet your gaze.

He painted a picture, as always. The blonde strands fell into his eyes, and the sharp cheekbones bathed in pink blush as his lips curled into a smirk. That sudden spike of desire to grab his tie and pull him into a kiss, to learn what your taste feels like on his tongue, was hard to fight against. It made you curl your hand into a fist, focusing on the shade of blue in his eyes. Until you could take another breath. Until your heart rate slowed down. Until everything felt real.

Until you knew what was happening next.

As if aware of the internal crisis, Neil stayed quiet. He observed you with almost unnerving stillness before seemingly finding what he was looking for and letting your legs close with a final kiss on the kneecap. He propped his chin on your thigh, almost resembling a perverse image of a lapdog that you had no idea you were into before now. Curious.

“Everything alright?” the huskiness of his voice swept over your senses like a chilling breeze, waking you up from a trance.

What a silly question. As a preamble to an answer, you shot Neil a wide grin, aware of the madness still clearly visible in your eyes. It hardly mattered.

“Even better” dragging your fingers through his golden mane, you relished in the slight tremble of his hands as Neil settled them atop your thighs. Now it was time to give praise where it was due, “I always knew you’d be good at this, but… fuck’s sake,” that was as far as intelligence went, replaced with a groan that doubled as a dreamy sigh.

It still barely covered what you wanted it to. But Neil knew. It was visible in the pleased smile and the knowing glance thrown your way from his spot at your feet. Almost lazily, his tongue darted out to lick his lips clean of your arousal. Without breaking the eye contact. Of course.

You could hardly ignore the fact that you were wet again. Still, that is.

“I aim to serve, m’lady” squeezing your thigh, Neil got up from his knees to sit by you on the sofa.

He stayed close, and that proximity, complete with the undiminished hunger in his eyes, told you all you needed to know. A push in the right direction.

“Yeah, you do” offering Neil a sly smirk, you shifted so that you were facing him and reached out to grab his tie and pull him close. Just like God intended. Probably, “Come here, I need to-” that sentence had no end prepared, so you sealed it with a kiss.

Your lips covered Neil’s with a self-explanatory intent as your tongue teased and prodded until he opened his mouth and let you in. That first taste of yourself coating his tongue was a revelation. It made you groan, motivating you to rise on your knees and climb into his lap without breaking the kiss. That second of hesitation following the bold move was eradicated when Neil pulled you closer with his hands on your waist. He kissed you as if his life depended upon it, swirling his tongue around yours and mapping out the inside of your mouth. A rush of blood to your head was the reason why you decided to switch it up, lightly scraping your teeth over his bottom lip and pulling until you got a response. The answering growl, reverberating through his chest, ignited the sparks burning out in your blood. Now you knew what you needed to happen. The realisation made you pull back with a final peck upon his parted lips and open your eyes.

Neil’s wrecked gaze felt like a boost to the system, increasing your confidence. It was a reason why you comfortably settled in his lap and regarded him with quiet contemplation. Returning the earlier look.

You tried not to dwell on how different it felt, unhurried and deliberate like none of your previous hook-ups. How uncomplicated it all seemed, with Neil’s steady gaze and firm hands holding you still. How unavoidable you had deemed it to be a long time before. You tried and failed, burying the thoughts behind a wall of sensations and feelings. You hoped they would never resurface again. Somehow.

“Good?” Neil’s question made you start, instantly pulling you back from the abyss in your head.

The surprise must have shown on your face, for Neil followed the question by brushing his nose against yours, tenderness permeating every glance and gesture.

It was almost too much.

“Great” aware of the shakiness of your smile, you splayed your hand over the expanse of his chest, feeling the heartbeat.

It was both a distraction and searching for confirmation. A confirmation that you were not about to make an idiot out of yourself.

The rapid beat beneath your hand erased the doubts, helping you make that decisive move. Meeting Neil’s questioning gaze, you smiled. The edge of your grin turned sharp at the mere thought. Before he could catch the meaning, you got up from the sofa and reached out a hand towards Neil. Extending an invitation.

You could see the quick calculations behind his stare, the blue eyes switching between your extended hand and the enigmatic expression. Although the silence felt eternal, it only lasted a beat. Without another word, Neil took your hand, enlaced your fingers in a loose hold, and stood up from the couch. The certainty in his gaze made it easy to start leading him towards the room down the corridor. The room he has already seen, albeit not in this context.

At the doorway, you let go of him to turn on the lamp in the corner, bathing the room in a warm glow. Neil crossed the threshold, following you like a ghost. You did not need to tell him to shut the door till only a small gap remained. Or to meet you halfway across the room and pull you back into his embrace like you belonged there.

And tonight, it felt like you did.

One giddy kiss quickly turned into the next and then another after that. Until you were both gasping for breath, needy hands tugging and sliding across the pieces of clothing that were in the way. It was then, midway through an inhale you desperately needed, that you realised there was one crucial thing left to settle. One question that you owed Neil:

“Before I make a fool of myself… Do you want this?” settling your hands on his shoulders, you met Neil’s gaze with what you hoped was a coherent enough look.

You could tell the question surprised him from the way his eyes widened, hands wrinkling your dress over the hips with a tight grip. But the pause only lasted a second.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t” the confidence was striking, almost fatal in how well it fit his beautiful face. The angles softened by the warm light, and the smugness still felt lethal, threatening to cut you open if you kept on being reckless. You pushed the warning to the back of your head, focusing on the look in Neil’s eyes, “I want you. So much it drives me crazy” the admission completed the desire in his gaze.

Its simplicity drove a shiver up your spine and bloomed heat on your cheeks. While it was nothing you have not anticipated, hearing it said so plainly drove the point home. It offered no space to bargain for insecurities and doubts. As much as you still did not know the expiration date on this precious, lovely thing between you, now you knew where it was going. You knew the drill. The logic of it. Need, want, desire. Yearning to have another person, claim them as your own, just for one night. Just until you felt whole again. One night should be enough.

Right?

Instead of addressing that thought, you smoothed out the creases in Neil’s tie and met his gaze with indifference. (At least outwardly).

“Fab. I’m glad we got that sorted” giving the Windsor knot a final pat, you shot Neil a smile.

Slowly, with his grounding touch running over the sides and down to your hips, you could feel the temperature rise again. The increase was steady, not yet overwhelming like before on the sofa, but it was very much there. It made your gaze wander, trailing down the column of his neck, begging to be kissed and bitten, to the expanse of his chest, still hidden by the frustrating layers of cotton and linen. You desperately wanted to get your hands on him. Properly.

“Do you?” the question caught you by surprise, making you look up to see Neil’s searching gaze.

Your brain muddled with want, needed another second to understand what he meant. Only then disbelief took the stage, with the bewilderment in your eyes. What kind of stupid question was that?

“Obviously. I’ve only been eye-fucking you for months” that was an understatement.

But it hit the mark, with a hitch in his chest and a subtle move of hands on your hips pulling you a fraction closer. Enough so there was barely space left between your bodies, and you could just about feel the effects of your words and actions on Neil. At least the physical side of them. A glance down, below his belt, confirmed the suspicions and made you grin like a wolf that has just spotted its prey for the night.

“Have you now?” the hints of amusement in his voice, still somehow mixed with uncertainty, were enough to put the need aside for one second and meet Neil’s gaze with confidence.

The apprehension, when it came to how you saw him, had no place here. Not when each time you laid your eyes on him, you only found more reasons to be captivated. Not when Neil tended to be the only one you could see when you were together. When he haunted your dreams with beauty and pleasure. No, that wouldn’t do.

Covering his hands with yours, you stood on the tiptoes to kiss him on the forehead. Leaning in, you whispered a simple admission:

“Yes, Neil” you hoped he could tell there was more behind those two words. That he could see the depths of admiration you had never possessed for another person, save for him. That he knew how much you meant every tender compliment and careful touch. It was the most you could offer. The furthest line you would cross. It was high time to return to the crux of the conversation. You did so with a bat of the eyelashes and a smirk on your face, “And now I want you to fuck me. Is that clear?”

Admittedly, the whiplash you served Neil was quite something. He took it with a few seconds of hesitation, a lack of comprehension flashing through his eyes in something resembling the 500 error screen. You fought the urge to burst out in ridiculous giggles. Then, as if his brain finally caught up with your words, Neil blinked. Once, then twice. Blue eyes flashing with inklings of understanding. It was fascinating to watch. To notice the different shades of his iris and then the exact second when yearning replaced the previous confusion and took up reigns.

“Yes, m’am” grinning wide, Neil mimicked a lazy salute and took a decisive step forward, pushing you towards the bed with newly minted drive.

You sure did not mind the initiative, letting him steer you in the right direction until you felt the edge of the mattress hit the backs of your legs. A sudden strike of inspiration made you use the years of ballet and turn on your toes, pivoting you both to reverse the positions. His quiet gasp was an indication that you succeeded. Without another word, you pushed him down to sit on the bed, meeting the bewildered gaze with a grin. It was high time he got used to it.

When you had him where you wanted – seated below you with a gaze full of awe and parted lips, you whispered the only praise that came to mind:

“Good boy,” the effect was instant.

A swallowed groan, complete with an eye roll that was still somehow fond. Before you could react, tease him further, Neil reached out to grab onto your hips and pulled you down, throwing you off balance. There was no point in resisting gravity as you tumbled down onto the mattress with a whoosh and found yourself in his arms. Again. His hands wandered over your body in broad strokes, igniting the fire as you closed the distance and captured his mouth in a kiss.

One kiss stretched into another and one more still, spanning minutes and seconds until you were both gasping for oxygen. Until all you could taste was Neil, and all you could feel was his touch. Between one sharp inhale and the next, you placed a kiss on the edge of his mouth and started trailing pecks down the column of his neck, making Neil shiver and moan. Each kiss was sealed with the tiniest bite, barely reddening the tender skin and a reconciliatory lick so you could satiate the desire with his taste. Just a little bit.

His exploring hands crept beneath the hem of your dress again, pulling up the fabric and creating goosebumps on your thighs. There was no guessing what it meant. Ending your intensive study with a lingering bite over his pulse point, marking him for everyone to see, you leaned back far enough to meet Neil’s gaze. You offered him a subtle nod and sat up, twisting so he could see the zipper running down your spine. The message was clear. He caught it with a knowing smirk, lightly brushing away the hair falling over the nape of your neck. The tremble in the wake of his touch had to be disguised with a sigh.

Even now, Neil was gentle. One of his hands settled on the back of your neck, stroking the delicate skin with unnecessary care, while the other tugged at the zipper, slowly undressing you. That first hit of colder air in the apartment was a shock to the system, making you inhale sharply. The sound alerted Neil. His hand skirted down your spine to warm up your skin revealed beneath the dress. Now, you could not do anything about the shivers rocking through your body in an embarrassing display. Before you could even attempt to fill the silence with another dose of bullshit, Neil pulled the zipper all the way down to the base of your spine and slipped his hand inside the dress. The warmth of his palm against your bare stomach felt like a burning flare, putting your soul alight. Sucking in the air sharply, you pressed your back to his chest, seeking out more.

The intimacy of the moment could not escape your attention. The slow pace and conscious decisions to get to know each other first were something new. Something unheard of as far as your hook-ups went. There was no rush in tearing off the clothes and getting off as far as possible to avoid the thoughts catching up. Instead, there was Neil’s hand against your midriff and his mouth against the back of your neck, gently biting the sensitive skin and making it impossible for you to detach from the present moment. Not that you wanted to.

When he deemed it right, Neil leaned back and slipped the dress off your shoulders. A sudden uncertainty took root in your heart, like a bad seed eager to corrupt the rest of the crops. What was about to happen seemed substantial somehow. Despite the improbable nature of the idea that Neil could take one look at you naked and decide that you were not worth his time, the concept was still there. It replaced the previous bravado, making you exhale shakily before standing up and turning towards him, holding up the article of clothing to keep it from falling.

You knew there was no point in fooling yourself that Neil did not catch on to your hesitation. Not with the way he always saw right through whatever posturing you tried to attempt. You met his gaze, aware of the extent of damage to the reputation it would do. All you found looking back at you was his silent reassurance, trying to keep you anchored. Inhale. Exhale.

Before your brain could become a little bitch again, you relaxed the hold over the fabric, letting it fall to the floor. You had nothing to hide behind, having left the bra back in the dressing room and your underwear on the floor of the living room. The chill in the air made you tremble, barely resisting the urge to cover up.

Neil’s gaze remained steady as he took you in. His eyes roamed over your body, noting the curves and edges, imperfections, and flaws. That fear was still there, making you tighten your hands into fists. Neil closed the gap, taking both your palms into his and relaxing the muscles. Taking a deeper breath, you risked meeting his eyes. The blue depths lured you in, showing nothing but affection and infatuation. For reasons unknown, the look felt dangerous in way you could not describe. So, you stared back, ignoring the desire to fill the stifling silence with words that could not be taken back.

As always, Neil proved to be the braver one.

“Are you alright?” his soothing tone complemented the gentle touch of his hands running up your bare arms to rest over your shoulders.

Even now, Neil proved to be shockingly respectful. His eyes never strayed from yours and although he had all rights to touch you as he pleased - he did not. Something in his gaze told you this was a given for Neil. A rule he would never even consider crossing. The realisation helped you find your voice again.

“Always,” the wavering tone did nothing to create an illusion of nonchalance.

But then, it was too little too late, anyway.

Upon Neil’s searching gaze, you nodded. It must have been what he was looking for because the next thing you knew, he was placing a lingering kiss on your lips and letting his hands wander. At first, tentatively down the centre of your chest and over the heart, beating so fast you would swear even Neil could hear it pounding in the silence. Then, he got braver, palms cupping your breasts and tracing the pink areolas, making you gasp and tense. If his hand delved between your thighs, you knew he would find you dripping wet.

But he didn’t. Instead, Neil mapped out the constellations of freckles and beauty marks over your chest and stomach while massaging your breasts and stoking the fire burning underneath your skin.  When he first tweaked your nipple, the resulting moan made you clamp your mouth shut with your hand and stare at him in silent horror. There was no room for aloofness and detachment here. No space to pretend you were not bothered. And that was terrifying.

Yet, the most terrifying moment came a little later when Neil had you spread out beneath him on the bed. He was still wearing clothes, and it was a fact that would have caused much more annoyance had he not just finished leaving marks over your chest, kissing, and biting all the sensitive spots. Your panting mouth was still parted on a gasp when Neil released your nipple with a wet pop and moved back up to meet your gaze. Like this, with his cheeks permanently coloured pink and lips red from the kisses you did not seem able to stop trading, he was exceptionally breath-taking. Your chest heaved as you attempted to formulate any words, but before you could succeed, Neil broke the silence:

“You’re beautiful” it was an echo from maybe an hour before, uttered with even more reverence.

The effect was strengthened by the look in his eyes, roaming over your face with something akin to worship.

Worship you were not worthy of. Never. And especially not by Neil, who, without a shadow of a doubt, deserved better. The thought was not anything new, yet it acted like a bucket of ice-cold water, wiping off the dreamy haze you had settled into. Oh, so stupidly.

Suddenly, the rightness of it all seemed wrong. Skewed in a direction you did not dare ponder. Because yes, Neil was the right one, the one you desperately needed to have. Even if just once. But not like this. Not with all those feelings and monumental thoughts that strayed too far from the comfort zone. No, you had to act. Had to remind both Neil and yourself what was going on here. Who you were supposed to be.

Swallowing past the inexplicable lump in your throat, you sat up and pushed Neil up with your hands around his neck. It was much easier to breathe like this, no longer entirely at his mercy. With his blue eyes peering at you with curiosity, you settled your hands on the buttons of his vest and smirked:

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” now that sounded more like you.

It was a perfect opener, instantly eliciting a reaction in the form of widened eyes and parted lips. Neil stared at you for something close to thirty seconds, which proved that it was the last thing he expected you to say. But then, just as you dared undo the first button of his vest, he grinned. That wolfish smile which haunted your sleepless nights flashed at you with an edge of something dangerous hidden beneath. Something you wanted to discover.

“Then do something about it, Cupid” Neil shot you a wink and leaned back on his elbows to strengthen the point.

The point that you were allowed to do whatever you wanted to him. There was no need to say it twice. You undid the rest of the buttons on his vest, pushing the garment down his shoulders and letting Neil shrug it off till the garment landed on the floor. It had served its purpose. Definitely.

Loosening up the tie was the easy part, and as you took it off over his head, you paused with the burgundy accessory in hand. The second of hesitation did not go unnoticed.

“What’s up?” Neil’s cautious tone made you grin as you looked up to see him peer at you with curiosity and alarm in equal proportions.

Wrapping the tie around your fist to keep the accessory as a needed prop dressing in the scene, you shrugged:

“Nothing. I’m just thinking about the different ways I could use this on you” the twinkle in your gaze was unmistakable for what it suggested.

There sure were ideas. Tones of them, and one better than the other. Images like wrists bound together with the tie or the burgundy fabric used as a blindfold were only a start of what you could concoct at the spur of the moment. The ideas alone made you shiver with anticipation.

Even more so when you saw Neil’s blank gaze, staring at the very topic of the conversation with something that could only be described as revelation. It dawned slowly as his pupils dilated, and the darkness consumed the blue irises. Licking his lips thoroughly as if already feeling the effects of what was about to happen, Neil raised his head and met your gaze.

“Now?” he sounded breathless, tongue stumbling even over a one-word question.

You buried the wave of affection under a dry chuckle, focusing on unbuttoning his shirt with single-minded focus. The tortoiseshell buttons necessitated a certain degree of patience, which you were not sure you possessed. And least of all right now. But, considering that the alternative was doing something stupid like ripping it off him, you did your best. The expletives still came, even if only in the quiet of your mind.

“Next time” once you were halfway done, you looked up and winked.

Was it too much? Probably. It assumed a course of events that you had no right to dump on Neil. Let alone like this. As if it was a given. But hopes were there, traitorously scheming in the unconscious layers of your psyche. Faint wishes that maybe you could have more than a one-night special.

Before you could dwell on the probability of thoughts like these, you broke eye contact again and glanced at your work in progress. With just a couple of buttons left, you could see the perfect canvas - pale and almost unblemished. You rushed through the remaining steps and pushed the shirt down his arms until he took over the task with a smirk and shrugged it off. You did not wait to look where the shirt had fallen as your eyes took in the picture.

He was beautiful in that perfectly imperfect way that tended to catch you unaware. His broad chest narrowed at the waist, presenting just the right amount of musculature. Strong arms drew you like a magnet, and you did not hesitate before letting your hand dart out to skim over his biceps and down the planes of his chest to touch the firm muscles. Neil was watching you intently. His gaze followed your every move as you slowly took him in. Noticing the scattering of beauty marks along the inside of his right arm and the dark, coarse hair covering his torso. Pressing your hand against the centre of his chest, you felt the beat of his heart and the heat of his skin. A strange sense of completion settled in your chest, making the heat bloom on your cheeks. That never happened before, either.

Before you could spiral over that singular, alarming thought, Neil covered your hand with his and asked:

“Better than the picture?” although the smug smile graced his features, you could sense hesitancy underlining the question.

A fear that you were about to laugh at him or ridicule his looks. As if he wasn’t the most incredible person you’ve seen. As if you were not rendered speechless.

There was no other way to approach it than by acting. Fast.

You glared at him with what you hoped promised no bullshit to be accepted and pushed at his chest till Neil was sprawled on your bed with his head propped on the headboard. He painted a beautiful picture. The only flaw was the infuriating presence of pants, but that had to wait. Just a little longer.

When you had him where needed, you straddled his lap and met his slightly bewildered gaze with a confident smile.

“Definitely,” you nodded, strengthening the statement with a careful touch as your fingers stroked his torso, wandering down till you could lay your palm flat against his abdomen. The trail of darker hair disappearing under the belt acted like a magnet, and you did not even try resisting the pull, “You’re fucking stunning,” sealing the compliment with a kiss was just a formality.

Yet the way Neil leaned into it, kissing you back with the ferocity of that first time on the platform, made your head spin. Somewhere, at the edge of consciousness not presently occupied with the taste of his tongue and the exact way his mouth pressed against yours, you could not ignore the obvious. The fact that it was never like this. No one-night-stand ever felt this deliberate and measured in a way that still incited a fire in your stomach and hunger in your blood. There was something different in how you kissed and let things slowly build up to sex rather than just rushing through every step along the way.

It all led to another thought, a faint realisation that you might have already subconsciously decided that one time with him would not be enough. Even before getting to know what it was like. That thought was not as terrifying as you expect it to be. Still, you ignored it, placing it among the towering piles of things not spoken or thought of until the end of time itself.

The piles were beginning to topple. One by one.

Neil broke the kiss with a telling gasp, shifting beneath you and bumping his hips into yours, drawing your attention back where it belonged. Namely to the darkness of his eyes and the visible bulge below the belt. Your hands almost automatically wandered to the belt buckle, but before you could put them to work, his breathless attempt at speech made you stop:

“I’m not-” you did not need to hear the sentence to understand it.

It was there in the uncertainty of his gaze and the bashful blush on his cheeks. How he still chose to stare at the bedcover instead of you, even when you were in his lap, free to be ogled for all he liked.

It was increasingly clear that Neil was not like that. That he was not like anyone you had ever known.

Ignoring that primal desire to undo his belt right this very instant, you abandoned the task and cupped his face between both hands, forcing Neil to meet your gaze.

“You are. Trust me,” there was no need to make those words sound convincing, for you believed it more than you knew how to express.

You stared as Neil seemingly tried to take it in. His eyes roamed over your features with scrutiny for a beat. He must not have found anything amiss because the next thing you knew, Neil was breaking into a smile and pulling you back into his arms.

Things went a little easier after that when you could fall upon familiar sensations and actions to push you in the right direction. Sure, there still were a couple of hung-ups, like that embarrassingly long pause you stumbled into once you had successfully taken off Neil’s trousers and underwear and could compare imagination to reality. Your imagination fell short. Somehow. Because, as you probably should have expected, Neil had no reason to compensate for anything. In the slightest.

At first, your undivided attention made Neil fall quiet, with the bashfulness threatening to replace the tentative confidence you were beginning to enjoy about him. But that changed when you shook off the hitch and let your hands explore. Your fingers traced the veins on his length as your palm started stroking him with confident twists in the wrist. Then Neil was not able to stay quiet any longer. He groaned, the sound reverberating through his chest as he laid next to you on the bed. Something in his gaze made it impossible to look away as you stroked and touched him, listening to the cues so earnestly provided. Soon enough, you knew what he liked, what moves elicited the moans that shot right to your core, making you squeeze the thighs hard in pointless hopes that it would do something to ease the throbbing want. It didn’t do shit.

As if reading your mind (or simply seeing the need written all over your face), Neil batted your courageous hands away with a pained glare that told you all you needed to understand and allowed his palms to wander. The hand that was previously placed on your hip slid down your naked skin. The places he touched felt like they were on fire, and the sensation grew when you felt his elegant hand delve between your legs again with confidence. Unbeknownst to Neil, that – his beautiful and mouth-wateringly long fingers moving between your thighs and between your folds – was a frequently-featured hit in your nightly fantasies. The reality lived up and surpassed the imagination in this case, too.

A wolfish grin you noticed too late did not warn you of what was coming. Neil wasted no time. His right hand instantly darted to your clit to circle the bud with precision and speed that matched the level of your fever. With him, you found no need to fill the silence with pointless words, instead letting yourself gasp and moan as he met your gaze with a smirk on his face and dipped a finger inside. There was no need to question the wetness he must have found, yet you noted a surprise pass through his face as if that was somehow unexpected. But you had no time to dwell on the thought. That delicious stretch as Neil added the second finger to your entrance wiped all coherence from your head. A loud moan tore at your throat as you shivered, finally feeling something take care of the emptiness at your core. But it wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t be till you had him.

His fingers quickly build up a rhythm, with the thumb pressing at your clit just right. Your hands, which had previously idly rested on his chest, ventured up to grasp at his shoulders, looking for support as the pressure rose with overwhelming pace. You were aware of the red lines you were scratching on his back and the pathetic moans and half-swallowed curses that permeated the silence. But you were unable to do anything about them. Not with how Neil knew exactly what to do to make you come. Again.

That lethal strike came when you felt a third digit delve inside. It joined the other two, keeping up the pace and making you scream with pleasure. The perfect fulness could only be replaced with one thing. One sensation that would go beyond it. It was a thought that pushed you over the edge, making you rake your fingers through his skin and squeeze your eyes shut against the force of the orgasm. Only once you felt like you could breathe again, lying lifelessly on the bedding, you opened your eyes again. The smug smile on Neil’s face confirmed one thing – he knew what he was doing. You were but a mere puppet in his hands.

A very willing puppet, one might add.

When you recovered the senses and coherence enough to speak, you met Neil’s gaze and stated:

“I’d like you to fuck me” there was no need to hide behind metaphors and euphemisms when saying it out loud was merely a formality.

Everything before led to it, after all. Every touch, glance, and flirtatious exchange that with Neil was almost too easy. It was what you always wanted, right from that first conversation and the dawning understanding that Neil was too incredible to forget. It was not an accident that ever since meeting him, you had close to no desire to have sex with anyone else, no pull to score another hookup in the bathroom of a club or the apartment of yet another random guy.

No, what you wanted (who you wanted) was Neil.

What you saw in his eyes, looking back at you through the narrow space between your heads, told you that he got the message. The yearning you often thought you saw in his gaze was present now. Along with want that dripped from his hands as they touched your body, tenderly yet with purpose. Neil stared at you as if he never wanted to look away and could not be convinced to. Like you were the only thing he desired. Or at least, you hoped it was like that for him. Too.

“Are you sure?” the pre-emptive question would have been silly was it not so damn endearing coming from him.

It coexisted with his hands skating over every inch of your skin within his reach and his hardening length pressing against your thigh. You had no choice but to offer him a smirk and cup his face to soften the tone. Just a notch.

“Very,” sealing the response with a kiss, you moved closer across the minimal space so that no gap between you remained.

It was easy to hitch your thigh over his hip and take him in your hand to guide him inside. It was easier still to break the kiss with a gasp once you felt him enter you. The sound mixed with his choked breath, sharp and sudden as if even though it was expected, Neil was not quite ready. His hand tangled in the hair at the back of your head, gently holding you close. The other was splayed over your waist, helping to find that perfect angle. He slowly inched inside, taking his time to bottom out, for which you were more than grateful. The pace helped you get accustomed to the feeling of fullness, almost painful yet not at all. The slight discomfort was the wake-up call you needed, a sensation so familiar that you could rely upon it to find your footing. To ignore the feelings and inconvenient thoughts for the sake of this, right here.

It helped you adjust the position, placing your hands on his shoulders for leverage and meet his gaze. A moan upon the feeling of him inside you, filling you perfectly, was muffled with a kiss he incited. It deepened as you opened your mouth for Neil and shifted so that your pelvises were touching. The move made him break the kiss with a telling groan, expressing exactly how it felt. He occupied all your senses, making it impossible to think or do anything but stare back at his beautiful face, now transformed by pleasure.

That first moment, the first sensation of connection when you slept with someone new, often hit like a drug. A dopamine hit, going straight to your brain. A rare sense of completion, especially sweet after months or weeks of pining for someone. It was like that now, too. The sensation of his naked skin touching yours, the heat of his body burning at your cells, and the strange knowledge that at least for the moment, you were one. Bodies and souls joined for one common purpose. Chasing that spectacular high that you knew was in reach now. Only then did you not feel like you were missing something crucial that you would never attain.

“All good?” your silence must have been alarming, for Neil’s question had a tint of concern underlining it.

Only that made you realise he was still as if frozen by uncertainty and afraid to mess it all up somehow. As if that was possible.

That had to be amended instantly.

“Yes,” offering him a slightly manic grin perfected by insanity in your gaze and tender touch ghosting over his beating heart, you added, “You can move now,”

Neil did not need to be told twice. He took your hand in his and started the slow tempo, thrusting with something you could easily mistake for gentleness. Softness you were not used to crashed against the walls built around your guarded heart. For now, they were too weak to cause damage. Thank God.

Tightening the hold over his palm, you raised your joined hands over your heads, looking for something to hold on to. Your other hand found purchase on his shoulder, digging in your fingernails as the pressure rose. The unhurried rhythm made the pleasure fill your veins in slow, consistent waves. You could feel it build up again as your inner muscles contracted, eliciting moans and curses from Neil. Once you knew how to meet him in the middle, you bucked your hips in response, earning a groan that shot straight to your molten core. The sound and the gratification it carried brought a grin to your face. It spurred you on with the promise that you could return the immense satisfaction Neil brought you. That you could make yourself memorable.

That notion inspired you to use the core strength and athletic training and topple Neil without letting you separate. His sharp gasp told you it was the last thing he expected. Good. From your new position astride him, you watched his heaving chest as Neil processed your impish trick. Warm light painted his skin and made his hair look like a golden halo belonging to a fallen angel. An angel worth the fall from the heavens.

Before he could recover fully, you rolled your hips and rose on your knees to fall again in the slightest of moves. It only strengthened the titillation on his face, but it did the trick. His blue eyes blinked awake as his hands found their purchase again, skating over your thighs to rest on your hips. With your subtle nod, he guided you to match the desired tempo.

Like this, with full opportunity to control the pace, you could allow yourself to stare. To take note of the subtle changes on his face. Like the crease between his eyebrows begging to be smoothed out. Or the panting mouth, pink parted lips still red from the kisses. Or the pearls of sweat on his temples and chest, proving that you were doing something right. Proving that perhaps Neil would remember you.

The coil in your lower stomach was tight now, feeling close to bursting and bringing you another orgasm. You could tell Neil was close, too. It was visible in the bliss written all over his face, and the abdomen muscles pulled tight. Your fingers grazed over his chest, drawing mindless patterns and bringing out goosebumps as a reward. As if able to read your mind or feeling the way you constricted around his length, Neil met your haze and raised his hand to place it between your thighs. Thumb on the clit, circling the bud with a rhythm that by now he knew would work. Just like that. Without you ever having to ask.

The realisation alone was why you could not stay quiet any longer.

“Neil-” a pathetic sob interrupted the sentence with no aim in sight, so the rest came out in a rush, barely aware of what you were saying, “You’re perfect,”

It didn’t make the words any less true. Any less real.

But still, it was not something he anticipated. Neil glanced at you, and before he could school his features into a less vulnerable expression, you noticed hints of uncertainty. Something else was there, too, occupying the dark depths of his pupils and shining through the greyish blue of his irises. It was gone before you could identify it, but you considered tattooing the exact shade of his eyes on your skin the morning after. You felt like it might match the shade of your heart tomorrow.

“You stole my line” there was no genuine grievance in the look he gave you, instantly bucking his hips into yours to make you swear and shiver. You were so close now. The edges of your vision were growing fuzzy again as you felt your inner muscles contract and squeeze around him, eliciting another groan and a sigh that matched the words echoing in your head, “Jesus Christ…” it took him another second of composure to find the words that only confirmed your suspicions “Cupid, I’m not gonna-” using his seconds of distraction, you leaned forward to deepen the contact and covered his mouth with yours, interrupting the sentence.

With the kiss, as hungry and devouring as always, you hoped to convey everything you could not tell him. That he mattered. That you were beginning to worry he had ruined you for anybody else. Ever. That although you would try, nothing would ever be the same again.  Neil took the kiss with an eagerness that was still somehow startling. He nipped and licked at your lips, ensuring they stayed red and swollen. Only when another moan escaped the confines of his mouth and made it impossible to continue the kiss, you broke the contact and met his delirious gaze with a smile. You could feel his rhythm stutter and wane as he visibly approached orgasm. There was just one thing left to about it.

“Come for me” although piecing together a sentence was a struggle, the reward in the form of Neil’s muffled curse and full-body shudder was worth it. You watched as his abdomen muscles tensed, and he began thrusting with no rhythm or pace, helping you chase the feeling that was just around the corner. Leaning forward again, you placed your hand over his head and whispered into his ear, “Now,”

The word acted like a trigger. Neil stiffened in your embrace, his hands seeking out your waist and holding tight. Without thinking, you rested your forehead against his and felt him fill you to the brim. Warmth spread through your core, making you clench around him one last time before your body gave in. White sparks filled your vision as you closed your eyes and entangled your fingers in his hair. You could finally let go. A pleasured scream rang through the silence of the room as you collapsed, limbs falling lifelessly against his sturdy form. For a split second of stupid indulgence, you let yourself believe that Neil would always be there to catch you.

But that wasn’t a happy ending people like you wanted. Or deserved.

You were half aware of what came after. Of how your body trembled in Neil’s embrace and how he whispered your favourite nickname repeatedly, filling the word with enough affection to bruise your heart purple. You knew you should cut this short to prevent the inevitable awkwardness that almost always followed as fast as possible. But you couldn’t. Not yet.

Instead, you snuggled into the crook of his neck and inhaled, feeling the ache in your body. It would hurt like a bitch tomorrow, you were sure. But for now, you focused on the steady rise and fall of his chest and the comfort of his hands resting on your naked waist and back. By some miracle, it seemed like Neil was one of the few men who did not mind your desire to snuggle and breathe instead of quickly dismissing whatever transpired between you as an unimportant rendezvous on the timelines of your lives.

Yet, soon enough, you had to break the silence. The best way you knew how.

“You’re such a good boy” as soon as the words left your mouth, carried on a teasing tone, and accompanied by the smirk hidden in his neck, Neil’s comforting touch stilted.

Judging by the hitch in his chest and an ill-disguised cough, he choked on the breath intake. Even in the confused depths of your mind, you had to admit it was rather adorable. And it most definitely did the trick by diffusing the tension caused by the deafening silence and your synched-up heartbeats, which had no right to exist. Not here. Not ever.

“You’re incorrigible” laughter rang through the letters in his response as Neil chuckled dryly and resumed the caress, letting his fingers skim up and down the ridges of your spine.

You never wanted to move again.

That’s why it was high time to do so.

“You love it, though,” the rebuttal was easy to conjure as you lifted on your forearms and slid off his body with an apologetic smile. The gasp at the loss of contact and emptiness that followed was inevitable but also necessary. Laying down on your side so that you could see his face, you spoke, “Damn, that was…” before any accurate adjective could be found, Neil turned onto his side, mirroring your position and met your gaze, striking you mute in the process.

There was something indescribable there. A vastness of emotions you could not decipher without delving into that scary territory of your understanding that was never meant to be breached. Especially not like this. Not right now.

So, instead, you let your eyes take in his beauty, and the fading blush, complete with lips kissed raw and tangled hair. A look so thoroughly labelled as ‘freshly well-fucked’ that no other words were necessary or even advised. Even better so that you were the sole cause and reason. A point of pride, in fact.

“Good?” the joy in his gaze was enough reason to banish the strange thoughts and focus on the fact that his question demanded an answer.

As much as you were almost positive Neil knew just how damn good the sex had been, it still seemed like he wanted to hear it from you. You were happy to comply.

“Very good” a smug grin was complimented by the satisfaction Neil was bound to see in your radiant gaze.

Strengthening the point, you shifted closer to him to place your hand over his heart and winked. It did the job. Neil flashed you a bashful smile and leaned over to press a peck onto the crown of your head. That was an unprecedented act. Something that had never happened before. Terrifying in its novelty.

The realisation was enough to make you sit up and gather the covers to gain at least an illusion of modesty. A glance at the alarm clock told you how late it was, with the digits flashing a remorseful 02:27 AM. It was high time to make a move.

Without waiting for Neil to catch up with the drastic changes in your demeanour, you reached towards the chair next to the bed, where your dressing gown had landed that morning due to marvellous luck and got up to put it on in one, practised move. Only then could you look back at Neil to say:

“I’ll be right back,” sending him a smile that was hopefully neutral enough so that he would not understand the depths of your inner turmoil, you turned on your heel and waltzed out of the bedroom straight down the corridor to the bathroom.

Once the door had been closed, you let out a relieved sigh and met your crazed gaze in the mirror. Your hair was a tangled mess, and your lips were kissed red, telling a simple tale. As were the faint pink marks left on your neck, which would require concealer tomorrow. It was all worth it. You knew as much without having to search your heart. At least now you understood what it was that you craved so badly. How it felt and how it tasted. Now you knew what about Neil made you feel so insane.

And now, knowing all of it, you also understood that just once would not be enough. It couldn’t be.

Armed with that knowledge and the particular pain of realisation that often accompanied those hard-hitting truths concerning interpersonal relationships, you also knew what you needed to happen. You had to do everything in your might to keep Neil close. To ensure you would not lose a dear friend so quickly after gaining him.

As you stared at the bathroom floor tiles, you reminded yourself of the crucial detail that it was all in Neil’s hands. He would be the one dealing the cards. The one deciding what awaited you next. The best you could do was be yourself and not scare him off prematurely. Easy, right?

A quiet scoff answered the rhetorical question as you dried your hands with a towel and turned towards the door again. Now onto the harder part…

If there was one rule you had, one that you never, ever crossed no matter the circumstances, it was that you never stayed for the night or invited whoever you had sex with to stay over at your place. Simple. Except for that first time you had to bring it up with someone new. Like now.

Before you could even consider deciding how to go about it or how to signal what you needed to happen without making the situation painfully awkward, you walked out into the corridor to see Neil standing in the doorway of your bedroom. He was finishing buttoning up the shirt and met your gaze with an understanding smile:

“I’ll get going” no matter how hard you looked, you could not see hurt or grudge in his eyes or in the shrug he sent as he put on the tie and tightened the knot.

That was certainly a relief. A cop-out, but you were not the one to argue with fate when it offered easy wins. But-

“Are you sure?” you had to ask.

Not that you were willing to break the rule, but you had to know that he was okay with it. Because, for some unknown reasons, what Neil felt and thought seemed important in ways you did not begin to understand. It was just a fact.

“Yeah. It’s late anyway” the assured look in his eyes told you there was no point in prodding further. Instead, you watched as he put on the vest and fastened the buttons. Before you could get lost in thoughts, Neil spoke again, “Thanks, though, it was… a very memorable night” the hint of a smile in his voice was clarified by the bright grin he offered.

It was a wild, sharp thing that always felt so right on his face that you wondered how come he was not smiling all the time. Although that could cheapen the effect, you noticed upon a second thought.

The grin almost made you ignore the affection in his gaze. Almost.

“That it was” the blush on your cheeks was no longer as rare an occurrence as you wanted it to be, so you tried to hide it by glancing at the floor instead of holding his all-seeing gaze. The sentiment stayed true, “Message me when you get home?” it was another question that had to be asked although you could not understand why, “So that I know you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere?” because that concern was also something new.

You never cared quite so much. Never before. It was worrying in ways that made you want to hide your head in the sand and never poke out again for fear of the consequences crashing on top of it. But life rarely offered such mercies.

“Of course, Cupid” feeling Neil approach, you looked up in time to see him close the awkward gap between you.

He passed you in the corridor, the cuff of his shirt brushing against your arm as he raised his hand, visibly hesitating. Tilting your head in a silent question, you waited for him to decide. The resolution came in the form of his hand cupping your cheek for the briefest of seconds. The touch was gone before you could react, but the ghost of it stayed behind as you whispered:

“Thank you” it was another sentiment that needed no prompt or inspiration; it was just a fact.

Something that sprung from your heart like an overeager daffodil seedling breaking through the frozen February soil. Too early and bound to freeze before it could ever bloom into life.

“For?” Neil stopped in the doorway to the living room and stared back at you.

The expression on his face was impossible to puzzle out. It almost made everything easier. Easier to risk the freezing for the chance of elaborating on what you wanted him to know.

“Everything, really,” shrugging, you offered Neil a smile.

Not the sharp, dangerous grin he knew too well. No, it was a gentle thing; so ill-fitting of what you thought you understood about yourself.

But perhaps you understood nothing.

Not too long later, you heard him open the door to your apartment and let himself out quietly. You padded to the living room and picked up the used dirty wine glasses and the empty bottle. For a second, you contemplated smashing the bottle against your head to stop thinking. Then you realised the blood loss was probably not worth the passing relief. Probably.

***

Staring at the depths of the coffee in his mug, Neil sighed heavily for the umpteenth time within the past three hours that passed since waking up. Waking up in the new world, he unhelpfully added upon opening his eyes. As if his brain conspired to fuck him over, Neil could not stop thinking about it. About her. And everything that happened. All to the point that he barely slept within the odd four hours he snatched between stumbling into his apartment past 3 AM and waking up with a curse on his lips sometime after 7 AM. There was no sleep to be found after, so he gave up.

Visit to the gym did not cause any miracles either, but at least now he was free to sit on the sofa and stare into space. As if that would help. It is not even that anything was wrong. Or that he regretted the previous evening because he certainly did not. He did not. Everything that happened was something he wanted. Starting from the not-so-smooth seduction and ending with making her come. Three times. Not to be smug or anything. He wanted her. Full stop.

And now, having gotten the taste, Neil also knew that the desire would not stop there. She would not be just a box on a checklist, ticked and forgotten. Cupid was not someone he could forget. Even with the current prognosis, which was not optimistic. Because she laid out the modus operandi from day one. There would be no fantastic love story culminating with a kiss in the rain in the middle of Piccadilly Circus. Not even because of the high risk of being run over by a car.

Yet, still, being an idiot, Neil could not help but think. About her. About their evening. About how it felt. About what he wanted to happen next. All the while knowing that not much could happen beyond it. And nothing without Cupid’s will and desire for it. That knowledge did not help the thoughts or dilemmas playing out in his head.

With another heavy sigh, Neil got up from the sofa and walked over to the radio to put on music. If he was to suffer, he might as well do so with the accompaniment of bops. In the truest meaning of the word. Yet, the algorithm must have held a grudge against him, too, for he barely managed to down the remains of his coffee before trouble started. It all came crashing down with the voice of Simon Le Bon and a song Neil knew too well. Usually, he enjoyed it. Usually, there was nothing particularly stinging about this song. Usually, the opening synths and the bass rhythm did not elicit a groan and make him hide his face in his hands. Usually.

‘And you wanted to dance, so I asked you to dance

But fear is in your soul

Some people call it a one-night stand

But we can call it paradise

Don't say a prayer for me now

Save it 'til the morning after’

When the bridge came, along with the final chorus of the damned song, Neil was seething. Be it with rage or utter frustration. The accuracy of what was so beautifully sung by Duran Duran did not escape his attention. Or the fact that this was the first one-night stand he could not just let go. The first time, Neil was wallowing in self-pity and confusion at the state of his feelings and thoughts because of a hook-up.

Or what was supposed to be just a hook-up.

The problem was Neil was beginning to worry it was not just that. That it couldn’t be. And it was a terrible realisation to have. It made him want to be hit by a car on Piccadilly Circus. Or on the Oxford Street. He was not picky.

Quietly cursing every star on the firmament and the sparks in Cupid’s eyes, he reached for the phone and automatically opened the text conversation with the woman in question. Their last texts offered no respite from the suffering with how she bid him a good night after Neil informed her that he had found his way back home unscathed. It took him another two minutes to get his shit together and dial the number with a press of the correct icon on the screen.

Feeling the heartbeat in his throat as he awaited her to pick up the call, Neil stood up from the sofa and began pacing the living room. The seconds stretched into infinity, almost making him talk himself into ending the attempt and blaming the call on a mistake. Before he could act on the cowardice coursing in his veins, the click on the line followed by her voice acted like a heavy curtain, shutting off every doubt and uncertainty until all that remained was Cupid:

“Hi,” the breathlessness in her voice made it seem like she was not anticipating the call.

As if it caught her by surprise. Neil winced against the observation, forcing himself to reply.

“Hello. How are you?” even to his ears, the innocent question sounded strained.

It betrayed the motifs before he was ready to disclose them. His pacing has brought him to the window, so he stayed there, leaning against the sill.

An intake of breath from Cupid broke the silence before she replied:

“Good, great even. Achy as fuck, but then I got up to stuff last night, as you’d know” the slight nervousness in her quiet giggle sounded off, out of place among the implications.

The infuriating blush Neil did not seem able to get rid of even when closer to the age of thirty, made an appearance again. It bloomed across his cheekbones like weeds, making him hang his head with shame despite being the only one present in the room. Ever so helpful, his bitch of a brain chose this moment to show him a reel of last night’s events. Cupid underneath the stage lights, dancing with grace in every step. Her laughter upon the streets of Soho. The feel of her naked skin underneath his hands. The taste of her upon his tongue- Yeah, message received.

“Yeah, I was there” the ridiculous feeling of pride entered the crowded stage of his heart.

Before Neil could attempt to shrug it off, Cupid spoke again:

“You were. I remember you” her tone lowered almost imperceptibly, yet enough so Neil would notice. The low timbre spread across his chest with warmth as she added, “Vividly” the emphasis made everything worse as it awakened the exact shade of yearning he wanted to banish for eternity “Neil, I know you didn’t just call me to ask how my morning is going” the matter-of-fact turn in her voice was the wake-up call he needed.

It reminded Neil about the true purpose of the call and what he needed to say. Now, ideally. He took another deep breath, aware of the prolonged silence on the line and the rapid beat of his heart. It took him another second to convince convincing himself to speak the words into existence. All with the grace of an elephant stumbling over the vowels and tripping on the consonants:

“No... But it’s- I’ve never done this before. I had one-night stands, but not with someone like you” the ending came out in a rush as Neil tried to get it out as fast as possible without further embarrassment.

Although he knew that it was too late for those kinds of worries anyway. He was already a personification of shame in all meanings of the word.

The laugh he expected from Cupid upon such a pathetic display did not come. Instead, he got a quiet huff, which was hard to interpret with his lacklustre detective skills and a question carried on a soft tone:

“Not with a friend?” to Neil’s surprise, she did not sound judgemental or sarcastic, as if making a joke on his expanse.

Admittedly, it was what he anticipated, knowing how the sentence sounded and what it conveyed. Knowing what a loser he was, confessing the facts instead of pretending to be someone he was not. Instead of doing what he usually did.

For whatever reason, Neil increasingly often found that he did not want to pretend with Cupid. He particularly enjoyed those moments when it felt like she saw him and enjoyed the picture revealed. It was at once terrifying and exhilarating. It was what made him turn on the heel to press his back against the wall by the window and slide down to sit on the floor, risking yet another admission:

“Yeah, exactly. And like- It was amazing. It really was, but now I’m… I’m so… confused” the word hardly covered the state of his mind since waking up, but it had to do for now.

Somehow, Neil knew she would understand. She would find meaning within the stammers and pauses, interrupting the incoherent reasoning. She was smart like that.

Because the clue of the matter was that there were no regrets. No particle of his soul that wished last night did not happen. It’s just that he didn’t know what was coming next. If anything at all.

“I get it. It’s uncharted territory for you” once Cupid spoke again, Neil tried to determine her feelings on the topic from her voice. There was nothing to interpret apart from thoughtfulness and the desire to understand. To understand him, of all people. A feat few attempted and even fewer succeeded at, “From my point of view, nothing has to change between us. But I don’t think last night has to be a one-off. It could happen again” the meaning of her words took a while to sink, and even longer to be processed by his brain, slowed by incompetence and whatever charm she had him under. When it did, Neil sat up straighter, a rare sense of excitement tugging at his gut and making him open his eyes wider “If you wanted it to” the addition was almost a footnote.

Because, of course, he wanted to. He would be a fool not to. Right?

The enthusiastic reply was almost at the tip of his tongue, but the remains of dignity stepped in at the right time. Instead, Neil let the silence speak, taking a moment to ask the second most terrifying question. If not the first.

“And what about you?” the fate of his self-respect was placed upon the pedestal made of four words.

Ready to be crumbled with just one sleigh of her hand. While Neil knew Cupid enjoyed what he did to her (and with her), there was no guarantee. No way of knowing without asking her first. Now, all he could do was wait.

Wait and listen to her breathing through the phone, trying and miserably failing at not hanging upon each exhalation as if it were a sentence determining the rest of his life. Luckily, Cupid was not the one to make him wait in misery for too long.

“I’d definitely want a repeat” the certainty in her voice felt like a rush of blood to his head.

It was tinted with that shade of playfulness he considered her trademark. It was barely there, but still, it made everything easier. Brighter.

Now Neil did not even try to fight off the grin from his face as he asked:

“Yeah?” it was just another lousy trick to make her confirm what should have been obvious but was not.

At least not to his stupid brain, burdened with the eternal fear of not being enough. Ever. For anyone. Not even as a friend that you occasionally shag.

“Yes,” Cupid did not hesitate, humouring him joyfully.

Or at least that is how Neil interpreted the light chuckle that followed the reply. It eased the burden a little, but soon he found another pressing question that needed answering. Should they continue… whatever it was that was happening. Phrases like the infamous ‘friends with benefits’ started floating around his head, but for the time being, Neil brushed them away.

“So, if we did… do it again, what are the ground rules?” the clumsy wording was something he could do without, but alas, there was no choice.

He could only hope that Cupid would ignore the failure. It was the very next thing he needed to settle. The rules of play, per se. It was a completely new territory for him, something he had never done or entertained because there was no reason to. No person was worth the confusion. But now- Yeah, now there was. And Neil had no fucking clue how it all made him feel. Or whether he was not making the mistake of his life by even considering the concept. Still, he ignored the idea as Cupid broke the silence with a factual voice:

“No staying over afterwards for the night, and you must tell me if you find someone to be with for real. I don’t want to be the mythical other woman” the business-like tone suggested what Neil already knew – this was not the first time for her.

Far from it. He added a strange pinprick of jealousy to the ongoing list of feelings and thoughts to be ignored and rested his forehead against his folded knees.

The simplicity of the do’s and don’ts was undeniable. Still, it was impossible to tell how bad of a decision it would be on the endless spectrum of ‘ways to fuck up’ that Neil knew too well. From experience.

“Okay,” he nodded, although she would not see it and risked another question. To calm the running thoughts before they escaped his control entirely, “Is it fine if I think about it for a while?”

The pros were easy to think of. If he agreed, this one night would not have to be the only time Neil would have her. He could keep acting on what came to him so effortlessly when near Cupid. He could touch and kiss her as he pleased, whenever he wanted, without first worrying whether it would destroy their friendship.

But the cons were not hard to come by either. Adding sex into the equation often destroyed the friendship on its own. Neil was not sure whether he could trust himself to be as detached emotionally as the situation required him to be. He would never actually have her. Not that he wanted to. Because he didn’t. He didn’t.

“Sure thing, sunshine. We don’t have to change anything right now” her steady reassurance stopped the increasingly frantic thought processes and filled his chest with warmth.

Neil never knew he was a fan of nicknames. Of being called sunshine. But apparently, he was.

The sudden wave of peace settling over his head was the only sign that the conversation was successful. He has reached at least some sort of clarity. Even if he still had no clue what the hell he was supposed to do.

“I’ll see you Wednesday. Like always?” the pathetic edge to that question did not escape him.

But it was impossible to end the call without asking. Without checking whether Neil had something to look forward to. Without ensuring that they were okay.

At this point, Neil did not even try to pretend that Wednesdays did not become his favourite day of the week. For absolutely no reason.

“Yeah, you will” the internal debate about whether he actually could hear her wink got quickly interrupted by Cupid’s question, “And Neil?” a noncommittal hum had to do instead of a reply, what with his brain becoming a lost cause. Still, it was impossible not to wait on her addition with bated breath and heartbeat thundering in his ears. You know, like a normal person would “You know I can’t offer you a relationship, but what we have still means a lot to me. It’s not every day that I have sex this good with my best friend” this time, Neil could definitely hear the sly smile in her voice.

That strange smugness and pride returned to fill his chest with warmth and painted a grin on his face. It was the highest of praises. Both because Cupid admitted that whatever they had was worth her time and attention and because she confirmed that the previous night was… satisfying. It was a challenge not to let that get into his head, successfully distracting Neil from any other thought he could have had.

He was a simple man, alright? One spoonful of praise placed at his feet, and he was done for. In all meaning of the word.

“No?” the joy was audible in his voice as he risked a tease, “I’m such a lucky bastard, then” it was barely an overstatement.

Even if it all was to backfire spectacularly and bite him in the ass soon, Neil felt lucky. Lucky that Cupid wanted to waste her time on him. Even for a wink of her time.

And yes, he knew he sounded like a pathetic simp. He was aware of it, thank you very much.

“You are” her laughter still rang in his ear as she whispered a necessary goodbye, “I’ll talk to you soon,” for once, Neil felt no need to question her promise.

No reason to doubt.

“Bye, Cupid,” his farewell was met with another chuckle before the woman in question ended the phone call.

Slowly, Neil put down the phone and raised his head to stare at the ceiling. The white paint was occasionally spruced up with cobwebs, reminding him just how long had passed since he had last deep cleaned the apartment. A sigh had to do before Neil got up from the floor and turned up the music.

Duran Duran had nothing on him now. Surely.

[spacedlexi]

I am madly in love with your artstyle and its been a big big inspiration for me as of late. Also, what are your thoughts on Jane and Bonnie? Do you like them or not

AAA thank you so much thats so flattering to hear 🥺💕!!

my feelings on jane and bonnie are nuanced just like my opinion on many of twdg characters. but i love twdg for all its messy fucked up characters :) its fun :) so while i dont hate either of them they definitely still do things that piss me off

in janes case, i think her mentorship/sisterhood with clem came more from her guilt about her sister than actually wanting to have this 11 year old around. so while she would teach clem important survival skills, she was also always quick to leave or act selfishly (clems "i thought you believed in me 🥺" always makes me sad). and this is just solidified by her actions in her S3 flashbacks. i do think she TRIES to work with the group, but she just gets in her own way and is never able to fully integrate, especially since the S2 cast is a fucked up mess in and of itself so its understandable. her actions at the end of S2 are born of pure selfishness, leaving a newborn infant in a random freezing vehicle so she could "show clem what kenny was really like" when clem is WELL AWARE of the thread this madman is hanging on to (having already faced the brunt of his frustrations MULTIPLE times at this point, and is desperate not to lose anyone else). she wanted a fight and she got one. i think maybe she told herself it was about saving clem, but honestly i dont think that was really ever her goal. again i just think a lot of her motivation comes out of the guilt of leaving her sister behind, so she saw clem as a second chance to make things right. but depending on clems actions, she can end up on her own without either of them, and jane can be the sister left behind to die. its interesting to see clem kinda pick up janes personality in the first half of S3 now that shes also at a point where she has no one and trusts no one, and is deep down lonely and longing for community. the difference is clem is not selfish (while still caring about self preservation), and actually likes being able to help people when she can. shes more so just afraid of caring for people again to protect herself from what she sees is the inevitable pain of losing them, as opposed to janes "theyre all just gonna bring you down so you should be on your own instead" outlook. but i definitely saw jane (and luke) as a bigger mentor/big sister(/brother) figure to clem than kenny was to her. jane actually taught her how to take care of herself. kenny was just someone from her past she didnt want to let go of

in bonnies case, she can be really horrible to clem if she listened to luke and stayed back instead of trying to grab him, so i'll literally try to save luke just so i dont have to hear it 😭 but also i like the convo her and clem have on the steps if you tried to save him. its an important character moment for clem, being asked what SHE wants instead of what the people around her want, and that she should start thinking about that, which is formative to the decision she makes (or fails to make) at the rest stop. the way bonnie is initially dismissive of carvers behavior i think is supposed to mirror the way clem can be dismissive of kennys behavior after leaving howes. will they come to see the man they once respected is becoming someone unstable? (i used to be in the "kenny might be going crazy but he'd never hurt clem" camp UNTIL i picked the "lee shouldnt have tried to save me 😔" option in the car and kenny threatened to smack her for it AFTER giving it a moment of hesitation so he KNEW what he was saying there. my jaw was dropped. but kenny is just another interesting flawed character in a game of interesting flawed characters (although they Heavily backtracked on the kenny/carver parallels in the S3 flashbacks. you can make the argument hes happier now but idk he cant come back from the threat for me he MEANT that)). bonnie leaving with mike is fucked but understandable, and she can show real concern after clem gets shot before getting chased off by kenny. i hope her and mike are still out there somewhere i dont hate either of them, even tho it was horrible of them to steal ALL of their supplies when they knew they were leaving TWO children behind. like cmon. but overall i liked bonnie :) shes a bit of a mess but i like her for it

in the end i am a twdg woman character forgiver :) i do love all the fucked up ladies its refreshing let them do dumb shit and make mistakes!!! i love mess :)

[breakdawn-avenue]

Kleines, hiii, how are you doing today? I have some selfship questions from the ask games you reblogged. I asked a lot so feel free to skip some if you want. love you!! 💖💖💖

🧭 - what's your ideal travel spot? if you could own a vacation home with your f/o, where would your home be?

🎬 - is there a go to movie that you and your f/o watch on a movie night? do they have a favorite? who picks the movies?

🧁 - your f/o is planning a surprise date for you two! what do they choose?

🍦 - what's your f/o's favorite way to show affection? are there any little things they do to indicate their appreciation for you?

orchid ৻ꪆ what does your home look like?

polaroid ৻ꪆ what’s your favorite picture of them? what’s their favorite picture of you?

Em! my heart 💕❤💕 I’m better, thank you :) tomorrow morning, I even got a job interview in! so I’m a little bit excited 😆 more importantly, though, thank you for sending these prompts my way! the prompts are taken from this domestic life f/o ask game, posted by @/deathdetermineslife, as well as @/luckiestangel presents 𝜗𝜚 𓈒 ݁ ₊ a selfship ask game! others are categorized under the tag “soft launch let’s play tumblr games” without further ado, let’s get to them (YES! ALL OF THEM! :>)

🧭 - what's your ideal travel spot? if you could own a vacation home with your f/o, where would your home be?

honestly, personally, I’m not all too big on traveling in general 🤔 in my past, all I went to relatives either in Poland or the chosen home of my big brother which had been Spain for a couple of years. I know we went to Benidorm, a little city close to the town my brother lived but oof... I was a small child. I didn’t really like strolling around with them. and even later, we barely went anywhere. another big hindrance was money. we always never really had much to spoil us. so with the lack of motivation, lack of money, it became a lack of want to travel around 🤷‍♀ I remember that I also went to London two times because the Middle School I went to offered this day-trip so I took the chances. but we drove there with the bus, we started around 1 o’clock in the night and got there around 10 o’clock or midday. we would have maybe seven or five hours for us until we had to get back to the meeting point to drive back home. however, I think Izuku – the fucking secret social butterfly he is – does love traveling very much, meeting new people and would simply take me with him. I would even let him. but it’s always announced and then planned together so he never takes me by surprise. usually it’s because of the lectures that he gets invited somewhere. other than that, I think we use the vacations to travel a bit around Japan. he takes me to Tokyo (Tokyo Disneyland is on the schedule and I think I would be able to manage it, but then Izuku changes his mind and turns it into a private tour of Tokyo’s most beautiful and less-visited places 🥲), Nagoya and Ōsaka (mostly because of my love for Detective Conan because both places are very important cities there 😬), the approximate localization of where Tartarus is. important places that plop up throughout the story. sometimes, we also take Inko and All Might with us if the latter’s home. BUT. before we get to that. he shows me Musutafu with his own eyes. meaning, he takes me to all the important places – where he met All Might for the first time, the multi-story building where All Might blew him, the exact side street where All Might told him that he would offer him his Quirk, the beach and the park where they trained, and even Aldera Junior High where probably his most darkest days had been. and, of course, the Might Tower in the Roppongi district of Minato, Tokyo. there’s a certain destination that does pique my interest there but I’ll leave it for the date part ☺️ and this might start our traveling path through Japan. we also go back to London to go sightseeing on our terms 😌 though, honestly? in the end, I don’t actually care where exactly we go or that vacation home would be. as cheesy as this reply is, as long as I am with Izuku, I know I could enjoy it either way... EVEN HOKKAIDO / SAPPORO IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER 🤣

🎬 - is there a go to movie that you and your f/o watch on a movie night? do they have a favorite? who picks the movies?

that darn first All Might rescue movie where he’s lugging around 11 people 🙄 it doesn’t matter how much time has passed, it doesn’t matter that he met him personally, or that he got him as his mentor. he still goes back to this one video and keeps repeating it, over, and over, and over. but after graduating, he expands his interests. the movies range from fantasy (how on earth could I forget that???), romance, comedy, action, and even to horror. and of course various superhero movies, like Marvel or DC. he’s a walking encyclopedia for these things. there are most likely Japanese variants of superhero movies as well, I just don’t know them. with that said, I think it’s clear that Izuku is the one who picks the movies if we get to have a movie night. he doesn’t pick them out randomly, though. he always tries to make a theme and goes with it like Spider Man (no Superman or Batman, though 😔 they ain’t my cup of tea... ), Disney, Ghibli movies, etc. but I really, really like “Your name” and “Big Hero 6” (I didn’t know the latter belongs to the Marvel universe!) for example. there are some other (anime) movies that I still want to watch so he always tries to squeeze them in between :>

🧁 - your f/o is planning a surprise date for you two! what do they choose?

that special location I was saving! I kid you not when I say I’ve never had a date before. and when Izuku finds out about it (because it still takes some time well into our relationship before we actually have one 😅), he makes it his mission to plan the best date in the world. in the end, for the first one, he comes up with this:

he takes me to the Nintendo Museum in Uji, Kyoto Prefecture. it’s a very, very big tie between this travel destination and the Might Tower. so once I realize that it wasn’t an easy decision for him, I’m so over the moon, you have no idea 😄 he combines this grand date with a vacation trip through Kyoto. he also takes me to the aquarium there, he takes me shopping (even if that’s not my favourite part but that is until he takes me to a book store 😍), to cafés, to the cinema, hiking in the abundant nature and, of course, some general sightseeing where he also teaches me a bit about Kyoto’s history. after that, he aims lower. mostly because I find the recipes for the whole trip. we might not share our bank accounts yet at that point but I still feel bad that he spent so much money on me. everything might have been affordable but I’m not someone – or rather my love – that he has to buy, you know? so that’s probably when we start to have the serious talks about our spendings. we find out that I absolutely adore dates in our shared apartment because that’s the easiest place for me to let down my guard, enjoy the time we spend together to the fullest and get to know each other in a relaxed atmosphere. we don’t do anything fancy, though. more like movie nights, cooking together, baking, building blanket forts! 🥰

🍦 - what's your f/o's favorite way to show affection? are there any little things they do to indicate their appreciation for you?

writing multiple pages long letters. sticky notes in my bentō box, scattered around in our apartment like in the books we’re reading, my phone case, on the wall right next to my keys, on the mirror in the bathroom so that his sweet little message is the first thing I see when I start my day. especially when he’s away and wasn’t able to take me with him. all the encouragements in his speeches, helping me more with the various chores more when my migraines force me to lay down, taking care of me when they strike again. he makes food for me when I can eat again. gets me to drink water. he develops a very precise feeling for me and my moods and simply knows when I want him around or not, and sometimes, that’s effingly spooky. mostly because he knows this way before I do. he would’ve loved to buy me occasionally flowers but since I have that darn allergy, he holds back with it. so he gets creative and starts to make origami figures, leaves some chibi figures or sketches in general for me to find like the sticky notes, we learn to knit and keep encouraging us to continue this skill. when I encounter a spider (I’m so afraid of them! 😭), he escorts them out of our apartment (I’m not for killing them, though). I have this one scene in mind (probably the first time it happens) when he tries to tell me that this creature fears me more than I do. rationally speaking, OF COURSE I KNOW THAT. but I still don’t want it ANYWHERE near me. I dare a glare down to the glass where he trapped it in before I look back to him and spit out “eow!” Izuku, that little shit, answers with a soft smile. still, after releasing it into the wild, he hugs me, kisses either my cheek or lips and tells me how brave I was for not screaming my head off and earning us a noise complaint. and honestly when he allows himself his own feelings when we’re save in our apartment, he cries freely, opens up to me, kisses me, hugs me, holds my hands or is there with me, whether talking or not. and gets so comfortable around me that he knows he doesn’t have to ask for my permission when he wants to spoil me with his affection. though, these things might be more the bigger ones, I’m not really sure right now... 🤔 or maybe all the small things blend into the bigger ones, too?

orchid ৻ꪆ what does your home look like?

nothing too fancy, actually. that’s mainly because I don’t really think I have a feeling for aesthetics 😅 I would’ve adored to get an apartment with tatami mats in the bedroom 🥲 Izuku was against it so the only traditional things (it might just still be a usual thing, though) are the sliding doors that separate the kitchen with the living room. oh well... we have a couple of bookshelves in the living room for all of our books and his All Might merchandise. I only have some small owl figurines scattered around but not much. he agreed that no action figures or posters with eyes are in the bedroom. I really don’t want to get the feeling that All Might watches us when we get intimate 🤭 this is also why my plushies aren’t in the bedroom, either. but that’s perfectly fine. my plushies have already made friends with Izuku’s vast merch collection 😬 and the plants in our apartments. like I wrote in my previous ask, Izuku takes care of them. also, Izuku put a corner table into the bedroom so we can still be right next to each other when working for school. because of this close proximity, it sometimes happens that our chairs bump into each other when we move. this proximity would suffocate me with other people but with Izuku, it’s not a problem, like at all. even though I’ve often asked him about it, it doesn’t bother him, either. I want to believe him on this point, instead of listening to my inner critic. the thing that I’m mostly proud of and it just happen on the spur of brainstorming for comfy sitting areas is a hanging chair, big enough for the both of us 😍 and it was also Izuku’s idea to hang up some fairy lights in the bedroom to make it even a bit more cozier :>

polaroid ৻ꪆ what’s your favorite picture of them? what’s their favorite picture of you?

hmm... I’m not really sure if Izuku has THE MOST FAVOURITE picture of me 🤔 he would love any picture of me that shows me genuinely laughing or smiling. because usually, I have my facial expression very much under control. maybe I manage a very polite smile but that’s it. there are rarely times – even when I’m with Izuku and Katsuki – when I let down my guard. he probably has a “picture of the week” or something, and it really changes constantly, whether it shows us together or only me. but he definitely stores each and every one! my favourite picture is actually kind of a two parter 😋 someone – I still haven’t figured out who – took both of them in the exact moment he attacked me with countless kisses on my face. the first picture shows one big fat kiss on my right (squished) cheek while I still struggle to properly hold him because he literally jumped at me. we both blush, he a bit more than I do. while he looks a bit smug, a bit cheeky to have me like this, I have my eyes squeezed shut with a frown and have my mouth open in a complain. the second picture shows me holding him properly now and settling into the affection he gives me. my head almost lies completely on his right arm, the scowl on my face is gone and replaced with a soft one, surrendering in his arms. Izuku’s facial expression has changed as well. he smiles softly and his attacks has decreased to tenderly caress my cheek with his lips in such an incredible, bone-melting way... 🫠 anyone. I could bet ANYONE could feel the hearts flowing around us, especially in the second picture 🤣

[hl-obsessed]

Hey love when are you uploading even in the darkest of the night please don’t feel pressured in any way

Anon my dear! 🥺💕 I'm so happy someone is still waiting for this fic 🥺😊 I can't give you hard date sadly, but know i'm still working at this fic, and i fight really hard to complete it as soon as it will be possible.

I really want to publish something in February, as it will be year since my last fic... so maybe it will be this one...

Feel free to keep asking about it tho! It the best way to give me kick and motivation to work! 😊💕

Aaaaand! You made my day today with this ask and so here you go, especially for you another snippet! 😊💕

(it's not checked and i'm so sorry if this just feels like more teasing 🙈 I really want it to be finished already too, I swear i'm trying)

✨🍃✨🍃✨

"I don't know what you are afraid of Louis. He's up and awake, and as smitten with you as he used to be. You have new bond and being away from your omega will only do harm. To both of you. You will feel the consequences way later than he will. You didn't really hurt him before, no when he doesn't see it that way. No when he doesn't hold it against you. But you will hurt him leaving him now. You hurting him right now staying as far away from him as you can. That's not the way to go, Lou. You have to forgive yourself. You have to let him back, let him close."

Louis doesn't even meet his eyes. As stubborn as he is.

"Weren't you telling me just last week about how you want future with Harry and only him. What changed?"

Louis hungs his head and fidgets with his fingers. "I don't think i deserve it anymore."

"I hate so much that you think that. And you going to hate what I'm going to tell you, but no matter how bad you fell about what you have done, it not yours to decide that. It's his."

(...)

Harry waits next to the car door. Eyes light up when he sees Louis coming and smile tugs at the corners of his lips. "Hi. You ready?"

Louis looks at him, at how happy and carefree he is, like nothing in the world changed. He makes grabby hands for Louis and Louis steps forward on instinct. Harry's hands wrap around his hips, thier foreheads meet.

"Hi, alright?" He ask again.

What Louis can say? That no it's not? That it feels like dying? That it feels like weight of the world is crusing him? That he doesn't think Harry will ever forgive him once he'll go down from his bonding endorphins high? That all this is just begging of the end, and Louis is not sure he's gonna survive it?

He watches him for a while. Curly locks on his forehead, his long long lashes, milky skin. He's overpowering scent, that's makes Louis week in his knees.

It feels like he's losing everything that he ever cared for.

He wants to cry and he wants to run. He wants Harry to forget everything that happened, he wants to forget it himself.

He can't thought, he can't, and that might just kill him soon enough.

He can't say anything of this to Harry, thought. Instead he just ask: "Wanna drive?"

Harry's eyes blink open and he smiles wide, "Thought you won't ask!"

With one last kiss to Louis forehead he takes the offered keys and Louis steps back to let him move. Harry jumps around the car, full of excitement, and Louis is almost sure he hears him squack under his breath.

With one last long look back he sees Zayn still watching them. His eyes too soft and too proud. Louis nods and Zayn noods back. It's gonna be okay, Lou. You'll see.

Louis opens car door and music is already playing from Harry's phone. Omega smiles brightly at him as he starts the car. Louis is just barely settled when Harry's hand appears in his tight, palm up, waiting. He's too weak to refuse him now, or maybe it's his alpha that's getting thought his defences, but so tired and wrapped in Harry's scent he can't refuse him anything right now. He slides his hand into Harry's and closes his eyes.

There are some hard choices in the future waiting for him, some hard conversations. But, for now, only for now, it's what he can do. What he wants.

For now, everything it good.

✨🍃✨🍃✨

[stuffgoeswrong]

https://www.tumblr.com/stuffgoeswrong/772622785780531200?source=share

i mean all questions from this post 😈😈 all of them, that's why they weren't listed (all's good on ur end!!)

OH! I totally misread the intonation lmao. Sorry for being so late

❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

Chuuya

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?

I honestly don't know many theories. . . most of the ones I've heard are intriguing or I agree with. However unlikely, some might make the story better, so I guess I don't have an answer for this one.

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

Already answered with one, so I'll go secondly with Odango. Maybe I have predisposed hate to it because I love Odazai so much, but also I just don't see it. They barely have any interaction in Dark Era by themselves. I'd understand Dazai and Ango more than Oda and Ango. Fan art that makes them "Dazai's guardians" during Dark Era just pisses me off.

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

To me, Dazai is like a jaded version of Tamaki from OHSHC. I think he's terrified all the time of losing his friends but he doesn't let the anxiety take over. He's not the goofing off kid in class, he is the teacher's pet but he will be a little shit with his friends. His personality is overconfident because he's insecure.

The thing people get wrong about him so often is that he was forced into the mafia by Mori, but I think it was more his decision. They're total equals and Mori is even afraid of him taking over his position. Having said that, I think Dazai was searching for change even before Oda died. He's so bored with life that I can't believe the Mafia wasn't even a bit monotonous and unfulfilling. And I think he directly said he didn't want to become the Mafia boss in Fifteen (but don't quote me on that). Helping people has genuinely made him a better person who's more invested in life. Softie, sweetie, ADA Dazai deserves to be protected

💙: Which character is not as hot as everyone else seems to think?

Chuuya. He's like, a 7 at best. Not really my type.

💜: Which character is way hotter than everyone else seems to think?

Already answered in another ask, so my #2 would be Fukuzawa. Maybe I just like older men :/

🤍: Which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think?

Dazai

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

Higuchi

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

Already answered, but I'll add: I liked season 3 better than season 2.

💔: If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose?

Chuuya. I feel like he's mostly a side character but the fandom elevated him to the main character status. He's also called in for battling bigger enemies or for rescue (the ADA) that I think other characters could also take care of if they were given a chance or the plot just progressed differently

💕: What is an unpopular ship that you like?

Dazatsu. And Chuuya/Yosano. I can't help but add another cause I like rarepairs and I'm indecisive

📖: If you had to remove one book from the series, which would you choose?

From the main series? Or the light novels? Hmm. . . Dead Apple. Was it canon? Was it good? It was fun, but I don't hear anyone talk about it.

🏳️‍🌈: Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you?

Already answered, so a different character (two): the Akutagawa siblings

💀: If you had to choose one major character to die, who would you choose?

It's not that I dislike him at all, but Akutagawa. Give Atsushi development PLEASE. Hopefully he'd gain some motivation beyond "protagonist goodness" and dimension aside from "abused and kind in spite of it". He'd start to regret all he lost in a friend and teammate and all the times they could have gotten along but chose not to. And it'd be something he can bond over with Dazai

[puppypeter]

I know that the whole idol/super fan dynamic is like, a core component of what makes RoyJamie so delicious, but I CANNOT escape the hilarity potential of famous!Jamie/chronically offline!Roy.

Like, in this au, Roy wouldn't be a footballer (which is also intriguing to me because that's such a key facet of his character, so I'd be interested to hear from you what other careers Roy might have!!) and it is essential that he is also chronically offline, like near hermit levels of sheltered from pop-culture.

Roy would then obviously meet Jamie for some contrived fanfic reason (my running idea is that they meet maybe in a late season two/season three timeline when Jamie is doing his self-motivated 4am training. Jamie motivated for Zava reasons and Roy motivated to avoid crowds/the heat). Roy would have his wattpad 'im not like other girls' moment when Jamie approaches him, obviously assuming Roy will recognise him, which Roy does not.

Of course this leads to Jamie fixating on this grumpy old twat whose buttons Jamie can soo easily press and who seems to have no fucking clue who he is. Roy will become like, Jamie's yoga mums, especially because at this point in time Jamie would still be pretty infamous what with everything going on with his career, so I think having someone who doesn't have a preexisting idea of who he is would be extremely refreshing for Jamie.

This of course leads to a slow burn strangers to lovers situation with the obvious angst potential of a civilian/celebrity fic (paparazzi, privacy, 'oh our worlds are so different, how could this ever work', etc).

ALTERNATIVELY, Roy could actually know who Jamie Tartt is, but for whatever reason he finds him annoying and when they meet he just pretends not to know who he is just to knock him down a peg. This version of the au has the fun potential of the whole 'i know who you are' reveal, but I'm undecided on which direction it should go.

Anyways, thanks for letting me word dump in your inbox, I LOVE your blog and your RoyJamie posts!! 💕💕

i love people word dumping about royjamie in my inbox ❤💙

I also love the famous/non famous. There's not many AUs in this fandom as being a footballer is such a core part of who they are it is difficult to imagine otherwise but coming from other fandoms I have so many ideas (take capitan america/stucky having many AUs and many capitan america/modern bucky barnes too)

I love the idea of Roy not knowing who Jamie is at all. I do have a think for the non-famous person having the most random normal jobs ever like

working the till at the grocey store (I wrote a post once about them meeting at 6am when roy starts work and jamie is stopping for water cause I'd seen a Tesco guy that looked like roy from far away lol) (funnily i often picture step dad simon in this job and that's how him and georgie met and they've actually known each other since jamie was a baby but it took him many years to ask her out)

grocery delivery guy (quiet, peaceful, listens to audiobooks while driving)

park ranger (again can meet at 5am, kudos if jamie sneaks into richmond park and roy fucking hates him for it until he gives up and lets him do it)

classics like baker, coffee shop, bookshop, mechanic etc

I do love the grumpy roy thinking jamie is a pretentious early morning running twat whose colourful atrocious shoes are blinding him. Like he doesn't know Jamie has a legit reason to do all that aka his career.

And of course the angst that would come from stepping into Jamie's world. I did see a post not long ago about a Jamie that is more bashful around dating (and also more protective of his privacy as he was in canon with Keeley). But also would be cute him bringing his fit older boyfriend to the charity gala.

Or what if he knew him from Lust Conquers All that he watched with the yoga mums and had no idea he was a footballer? Then he thinks Jamie is a very superficial guy, a cheater who only cares about his looks etc before Jamie annoys him day after day and he slowly falls for him.

Ok what if he and the yoga mums worked together somehow? He is the maintenance guy or the grumpy receptionist at the yoga gym / massage place or the grumpy delivery guy at the diner who covers the night shift at the counter so he can prep stuff and restock etc and jamie is there at 5am every morning for eggs and a chat and like the first 5 times it's just Jamie yapping on and on with a lot of sighs from Roy. Maybe it's the post-return to Richmond Jamie who is still very lonely, away from his family, no agent, no keeley, no team friends yet (remember how he kept going to keeley to talk and she took him to dr sharon? that didn't happen and he just decided roy would do.. and tbf he does tip well at least ahah)

I have sooooo manyyyyy thoughts!!!😊😊😊😊

[carnivorousyandeere]

NSFW Alphabet: Wisteria

MDNI

CW: smutty, kinky, mention of lactation kink, pet play, calling Wisteria “Mommy,” penetration, risky play, maybe a hint of somno? (Wet dream)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Wisteria is very gentle and careful with you, and adores taking care of you afterwards. She likes how weak and shaky you can get, and she looooves it even more if you get clingy. (Although she might almost fall asleep before remembering she needs to do aftercare for you💀)

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Wisteria’s favorite parts of your body and faer own are the eyes. Her gaze can get very intense, and she makes eye contact with you more than is normal (not that my autistic ass would be able to tell). You don’t necessarily have to look her in the eyes back if it makes you uncomfortable though 💕

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Fae doesn’t want to penetrate your ass or cunt with her “magic wand,” as it gives faer dysphoria, so no creampies back there. Your mouth is fair game though, and you’re more than free to creampie faer ;)

Wisteria adores seeing you on your knees, eyes hazy, their cum dripping down your lips, even down to your neck and chest…

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Wisteria would secretly love it if you called them Mommy 😳

(Maybe has an even more deeply-buried lactation kink waiting to be unlocked…)

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Wisteria’s “experience” is limited to one or two fumbling trysts in undergrad, kinky smut fics, and solo play. Her technique may not be the best yet, but she always knows what to say to make you feel weak and needy.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

You, on your knees in front of her. Alternatively, missionary where you’re grinding against her or fucking into her.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Wisteria is more serious, especially as a Dom through-and-through. They might laugh at you during, but not so much with you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

They keep their hair very short down there, and might have even tried bleaching or dying the hair down there. Probably didn’t go very well. Has a very cute little happy trail too 🥺

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

“Kinky,” and “romantic” don’t often overlap in a lot of people’s minds, but I think for you and her it does. The mutual exchange of power feels vulnerable, connecting. Her domination of you is deeply romantic, in its way. Does it not make your heart flutter to hear faer say, “Good job, pet~” as she holds your chin so gently, in or out of sex?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Wisteria will use their fingers to muff faeself, usually, as it’s less messy than anal fingering, and imagine you, sitting pretty with a collar and leash… the faces you’d make when fae tugs on it…

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Muffing, cockwarming while gaming (her cock down your throat, OR her sitting on your strap/cock), HUGE thing for pet play (you’re the pet), having you collared and leashed (obviously), bit of a Mommy kink, orgasm control, some regency roleplay, praising you, you worshiping her, some humiliation.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Her bed or gaming chair 😏

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing you act all protective of faer in public, like her guard dog or royal knight, makes faer want to spoil and reward you when you both get home~!

The more submissive and obedient you are in private, the more excited fae gets.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

She would not penetrate you with her cock in the ass or cunt, due to dysphoria, but she’s creative and might wear a strap-on over her cock to penetrate you anyway.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Wisteria is alright at giving head, but greatly prefers receiving. Just something about the way you whine around faer as fae cums down your throat… or the way your breath and voice are so raspy after cockwarming her for hours….

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

They’re more of a soft dom than a hard dom. Tends to be more slow and sensual, easing you into mindless obedience and reliance on her, but she can definitely be fast and rough or encourage you to be (especially when she tugs on your leash while you fuck her).

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Wisteria thinks they’re nice, but only in private where nobody can catch you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Wisteria is willing to try out some painful and potentially dangerous kinks, like knifeplay, waxplay, etc if you want to, even though she’s not a hardcore sadist (emotional sadism is more up her alley). They follow the RACK philosophy of kink, and make sure to take as many precautions as possible and let you decide your limits.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Their stamina is either -10% or 100,000%, no in-between. It’s difficult to predict how long and involved any day or session will go with them 💀

On low-energy days, they’ll likely just have you service faer until fae’s satisfied, and leave you wanting. If you’re lucky, maybe they’ll let you touch yourself in front of them or hump their boot to get off.

High-energy days mean more involved and reciprocal scenes.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Wisteria has sooooo many toys for the both of you. Fae’s tried almost every type of toy on the market herself, but finds it more enjoyable to use them on you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Wisteria can be very teasing, getting you riled up and then forbidding you from touching yourself, leaning into your ear to whisper praise in public… She’s got the condescending, fake-pity Dom voice down to a science.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Wisteria’s voice is rarely loud, and sex is no different. They tend to make satisfied, breathy noises rather than full moans. Her voice takes on that breathy quality too, soft but undeniably authoritative, sending shivers down your spine with every order, praise, or mocking word.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Their breasts and nipples are very sensitive from their hormone regimen, so softly kneading and licking at them is sure to get faer worked up.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Wisteria’s cock and balls are just as pretty as the rest of her. They’re on the small side, and her tip is a very cute soft pink, that flushes deeply when she gets worked up. And of course I must mention the adorable, soft brown happy trail again 🫣

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Wisteria’s a perv (affectionate) with the sex drive to match, even if her actual energy levels can’t always keep up. They’ll wanna play with you at least once most days, and probably multiple times each day.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Wisteria falls asleep very quickly at all times, especially after any physical exertion. So she’s definitely halfway to snoozing during aftercare and probably falls asleep on top of you.

BONUS sleep headcanon: Wisteria is a sleep-cuddler, wrapped like a koala around a squishmallow or you, and you will occasionally wake up to her grinding against you in her sleep 😳

[petrichoraline]

hey petri! how are you doing? i feel like i don't see you around here that much anymore! hope everything is going alright ❤️ is there any show you're currently watching or any new music you've discovered? xx

🥹 that's one of the sweetest messages honestly

I appreciate you noticing, I appreciate you reaching out, basically I want to give you a big hug and a smooch on the forehead 😚

I am doing well <3 but im easily irritated and moody so when something ruffles my feathers it might take a bit till I get back into a good mood and for some reason I've just been feeling progressively lonelier and more annoyed coming on here. I dread catching up on posts I have decided I have to make (tho nobody actually cares about them (im not being petty, im literally talking about things ppl don't care about like catching up on tag games and stuff hahah)) and also don't really feel motivated to work on any others. when I work on smth and it doesn't get recognition I feel demotivated and that's been the case with most of my last posts that took quite a bit of effort. I want to give a good answer to a trope question in my inbox and the other asks in there but I just. don't have it in me rn

basically in some ways i function not unlike a child and so im figuratively on the other end of the playground picking at grout and moping 🤣

also I haven't really been watching any asian dramas, ive mostly been binging taskmaster 🤔 last thing I watched was probably cherry magic and I still have to catch up on an episode :] so there's not much to post about, you know <3

as for my irl I've been emotional as well and I open the app with the intention to maybe vent but idk, it feels bad when I do that and more often than not it remains unnoticed, its kinda like I just went to a central city street and took my clothes off and everyone gave me dirty looks lmao

new music.. I've been interested in dpr ian lately though I haven't really acted on that. and he's featuring in a song that drops tomorrow so maybe you could check that out ☺️

also I listened to That Summer by SHAUN yesterday and it's lovely

thank you for sending me such a sweet and thoughtful message💓💝🥹💞💗💕💓💗💝 i vented a bit but you did ask how I was doing and im not exactly the type to just say "it's all good" 😅 it still is good though! so please don't worry 💕 sending you kisses

[stayxlix]

Yandere fics aren't usually my cup of tea but of course I had to read yours, and of course you didn't disappoint 🥹 I liked it veeery much, thank you for your hard work!! Reading it reminded me of an old idea I had for a very angsty short fic that I would like to send you as a request, but I promised myself to not be pushy and wait for you to write the first one before sending another. (Just be aware, I literally have a list). Anyway, it felt good reading something fresh for you, I hope to keep seeing your works coming in this cold season so I can read them while snuggling under my fluffy blanket. And don't forget to take care of yourself!!✨ Hugs 💕 ~C

hi dear<33 i'm so glad you enjoyed my little yandere fic, thank you so much for taking the time check it out.💕the fact that you ventured outside your usual comfort zone because it was something i wrote is such a compliment and it means so much to me.🥹

anything with angst immediately grabs my attention so im already intrigued by your fic idea (especially considering how much i loved your first request🤭). and i’m always looking for new ideas and storylines (even if i know i don’t have enough free time to write them all🥹) so please please free to share as many as you’d like!! share the whole list if you feel like it lol, even if i’m still working on your first i promise i don’t think of it as being pushy at all.💕 the whole reason i decided to turn otde into an actual fic in the first place was in the hopes that maybe it could provide some kind of escape and comfort for whoever might stumble upon it, so thinking about you finding comfort in my words during chilly evenings is a beautiful thought that truly warms my heart.🥹

thank you again for your support, its such a source of motivation and im really excited to hear more about the ideas you’ve got!! im hoping to share more of my writing with you in the near future as well.🤭 take care and stay warm out there!! hope to hear from you again soon.🤗💕

[tarotwithdanise]

Hi Dani! I’d love to participate in your FS game💕

My initials are FSCV and I’m an Aries rising!

I’ve only gotten a few personal readings about my FS, but in ALL of them the readers have mentioned he could be foreign or travel a lot, be intuitive, intellectual, creative and fun-loving 🥺 Also a tarot reader and an astrologer read for me about 3 weeks apart from each other and both told me “Aquarius vibes” and “child-like curiousness”… it kinda gave me the chills 👽

As for the negatives, it has come up that he could be prone to get easily distracted from his projects or lose his direction/motivation 🥺

Password: I really like how you write… reading your posts is really fun, but also comforting and it just makes me want to know more! It gives me best friend spilling the tea vibes, honestly 😂 I also like your “about me” post a lot!

Also I love giving feedback, so definitely expect a detailed report back 🫡

If you choose to do this reading, thank you very much. If you don’t, I still thank you for your time and disposition 💕

How will you recognize them?

You will be able to meet this person when you are about to embark a new journey area of your life. It can also be in a vacation or when to reconcile to someone from your past like catching up together. You can meet them too through a family's friend as well. Besides, this meeting will bring a clarity to you that you should started to look at the bigger picture. You will recognize them for their matured appearance, they maybe someone who work in law areas, doctor or a teacher. Otherwise, they considered as professional. At first meeting, you may develop a crush on each other. I also think that they're someone who is from another place and your relationship might be distance. It also says to you that you may find yourself attracted to someone who is from another ethnicity and culture. When I gonna talk about their appearance, they maybe someone who is physically fit and admirable face. They are fashionable and may wear a significant accessories. They love the idea of poets, singing and painting. They can be musician or singer too. Fire and Water signs may overtake their natal chart.

Sorry for late response, i've been through a very very rough phases these past month and weeks. Take care as always. Thank you for participating.

-Danise, The Reader.

[everybodyshusband]

Ok so I'm not really back to normal but I'm gonna ignore my tummy for a couple minutes in favour of talking to you because I've been dying to send another ask after your wonderful responses!!!

I'll send it in sort of bullet points bc idek if anything I'm saying is even coherent and this might be easier for you to understand? (Or it might not, I'm sorry) In my brain everything makes sense but then sometimes when I say it out loud or write it it's like "what the hell is she saying rn?" So here I go:

- that bit you wrote about swiss and Copia with the soap and swiss stops swearing even when not regressed... oh, it has my heart... Poor baby, I hope Copia makes it up to him with lots of cuddles! I can imagine them laying in bed, Swiss with his head on Copia's chest, as Copia kisses his forehead/hair/nose/whatever he can reach, and promises it's never going to happen again over and over until swiss believes him and eventually falls asleep... (He even drools a little in his sleep, but don't tell him shhhh)

- I understood what you meant about the part I thought I didn't understand in the rain fic! Ugh every time I read that fic I just wanna give him the biggest hug my poor baby... Their dynamic in that fic is so "it's rotten work" 'not to me, not if it's you' I'm screaming and sobbing about it 😭🥹😍

- I will literally always enable you to ramble about any of your fics! Anything! I'm interested!!! I promise!!!! Anything you want to bring up??? Guess what!? I'm all ears!!! Always!!

-not gonna lie I felt pretty shitty all day bc of my tummy (and still do) but your super sweet responses and thinking about sending you an ask kept me a bit motivated (and distracted from the fact that tomorrow is Monday and I gotta work 😭) so thank you!

- I wanted to ask if there's a specific fic that's close to your heart or one that you like a bit more or one you wish got more attention? Because I'll get my greedy lil paws all over it in like 2 seconds flat and start discussing it... I think I've read everything you've posted but I wanna hear your thoughts on your own stuff too!! 💓💓💕💗💗💖💖💗

You're probably sleeping rn and you'll probably see this tomorrow so I hope you slept well and the day ahead is good to you! 🩷

ooh, my darling anon, i've been hoarding this and all your other asks for much, much too long, i am so, so sorry !!! please know i love and appreciate each and every one of your kind words, even if it takes me a very long time to respond 💙

under the cut because of length, haha :'D

i hope that by now your tummy has settled down a bit, i'm sorry this bout of stomach issues seemed to hit you so hard :0 (oh, and don't worry ! your asks always make perfect sense, my friend !!)

don't worry, after the incident, copia makes sure to give soooo much extra love and care to swiss. that ghoul is not escaping those cuddles from copia without plentiful doses of extra love and chaste forehead, cheek and nose kisses, haha !! copia is so very willing to reassure swiss that he's safe and that it won't happen again, you're right (and you're also very right in that swiss drools right onto copia's papal vestments, but not to worry, the stain comes out ...eventually)

ah !! i'm glad it's making more sense now :D i have a chronic case of the "does not write the things in his head into the actual fic" haha !! i agree that rainy deserves all the hugs in the world, it's a very icky headspace for the poor little guy to be in and he deserves so many hugs for doing his best to navigate it. whether or not he accepts the hugs though is another story entirely...

again, i hope your tummy is feeling better by now. or maybe it's been long enough that you've cycled around into another rough patch ? ooh, i hope not. but either way, i'm sending you so many good tummy vibes, hehe <3 (and maybe you'll take solace in the fact that as i'm answering this, tomorrow is a wednesday rather than a monday ?)

ooooh, that's difficult, haha !! the rain fic you mentioned before is the one that's closest to my heart at the moment, i think. but i'm also quite attached to my most recent ficlet with regressed aeon and zephyr because oh my goodness, i love their dynamic and i want to explore it as much as i can, hello ?!? and then on the complete other side of the spectrum i'm very proud of this t4t raindrop filth, haha !! i think because they're all my newest works i haven't had the time to build up an "ew, what was i thinking !??!" response to them, so i'm still feeling very good about these three. and by the looks of it, other people seem to like them as well, which is a nice bonus :)

thank you very much again for your lovely asks, anon 💙 they make me smile and brighten my day every single time i look at them !! i hope life has been treating you well, my dear, and i hope that you have a wonderful day/night depending on where you are in the world 💙

[idyllic-affections]

Hi so i was able to get some time to myself and there are a lot of things i wanna say

1. I GOT IMBIBITOR LUNAE ON FIRST PULL! HE IS MY PRIDE AND JOY AND IM SO FLIPPING HAPPY

2. Also i am in love with your snippets of Ex fatui agent reader x collei. I am so glad i gave you the idea as i knew you can make it as amazing as always! Although, i have one question for the reader, what in teyvat’s name cause them to be Dottore’s assistant?? Like why are they still working with him if all they’re getting is abuse and all??? The only thing i can think of is maybe the paycheck is really really good but is it really worth all that abuse????

3. Also ALSO while i would love for them to just punch scara in the face back. Realistically, they are both very traumatized people who are in very bad situation that they sadly can not escape. So i personally see them just glare at them and calmly say that they are a brat and please calm down. Like in a tone that you use when you are tired with everything that has been culminating for a long time and is just an inch away on going batshit

I will be eagerly waiting for the full fic to come out but ofc take your time and remember to take care of yourself every now and then! Hope you have a good day/night!

- 🐱 Anon

HELLO MY BELOVED ANON WITH SOME OF THE MOST WONDERFUL BRAINROTS 💗💘💖💕🫶💖🫶💕💘💕💗

THAT IS SO AWESOME i think im going to pull for him tbh... he was a lot of fun in his character trial and i never did end up getting kafka, so i think i'm more likely to get him if i do pull <33 no idea what the lore behind this man is but that's okay. he's pretty and his playstyle is fun. i'm now at a high enough level to continue the main trailblaze missions so maybe i'll find out the lore soon!

THIS. this is such a good question and i promise it will be explored in detail in the fic, but to satiate some of your curiosity... [name] sticks around for two main reasons: (1) ...yeah, the paycheck is really good. working under a more dangerous harbinger means they get paid way more than some of their coworkers, such as childe's agents who do not get paid anywhere near as much as they do. (2) they're afraid. dottore knows their name and face. they're scared of what might happen if they quit.

AND THIS the general consensus so far seems to be that everyone wants to put scara in his place, so... that is what we shall do! [name] will, in fact, put him in his place!

you as well, lovely! i promise i am taking breaks in between writing ajsosjsk sometimes i just get a burst of motivation <33

[junk-story]

When u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. then, send this ask/tag 10 of your favourite followers✨️🎶

Aaaaaa thank you so much to @kurumeki for the tag 💕

In a similar fashion, since I actually listen to a Lot of music I’m going to share the ones I am really binging lately

恋をこれから (Love from Now On) by 20th Century - Of course this is on the list. These guys are really the only idol group I care about with V6 now being disbanded, and of all the songs they’ve released since then, this is the one that I think best utilizes their talents. They are really my comfort music so I’ve listened to them a lot in recent times. It captures that feeling of the moment when you know you’re going to love someone so well for me.

太陽とイカロス (The Sun and Icarus) by BUCK-TICK - This song really nails what makes me love this band so much. The song itself has an upbeat tempo and feels happy in an almost frantic way, which pairs with the lyrics so perfectly. I hear it as a sort of love song to the sun from Icarus, even as the lyrics talk of him burning, a broken body bathed in crimson. The lyrics are not complicated, but every word does its part to craft the beauty and tragedy of this love. I spent the whole day it released listening to it and thinking of how we hurt ourselves for love, what it says about us, what it means. BUCK-TICK are truly masters of their craft, I can’t say enough good things about this band.

裸の心 (Naked Heart) by Aimyon - I stumbled on Aimyon maybe a year back and I really love her music. She’s a very clever lyricist and her songs are easy to listen to. In the case of this one, I also love it because it captures some rawness of emotion that I think English fails to offer. The mix of earnestness, hesitation and fear that comes from sharing your love for another person with them is so potent in this song.

Blue Jean by GLAY - This is always a song I like to listen to when the weather starts to warm up! It feels like warm sunshine to listen to. GLAY is such a solid band and I wish that I listened to them more, to be honest.

Pink Spider by hide - I’ve listened to this song so many times that I sometimes go years without listening to it now, but lately I’ve been in the mood for hide. Pink Spider has been a song I often listen to when I feel hopeless because I’ve related to the spider since I first understood the lyrics. Knowing that you might, perhaps probably, will fail in the pursuit of your dreams and choosing your dreams anyway because the alternative feels unbearable…although the song doesn’t present the situation as hopeful, I find it motivating. And when I fail, I think again, もう一度飛ぼう、この糸切り裂き、自らのジェットで…

If you made it this far, thank you for reading! This was a lot of fun 💕 I’m going to take the easy way out and tag anyone who wants to do this, mutual or not. And tag me in your answer so I can hear about your lovely music too!!

[creepypasta-darling]

your upcoming mental illness hc post im really looking forwards to reading🖤 mental illness hcs in the fandom from what I read usually aren't in depth with the thought and care you seem to be putting in to yours. Thank you for deciding to make the upcoming HCs where you are taking mental illness so seriously and caring 🖤

you inspire me lots with your blog, you have my favorite hcs. I'm motivated to start my own crp HC blog now!🖤

make sure to take care of yourself & drink water, take meds if you have them, eat, and that you are valid 🖤

Thank you so much anon! I know it has been wayy longer than anticipated for this post, but it is extremely lengthy and I want to make sure that I have all information correct and proofread before posting. You absolutely should start your own headcanon blog! Honestly this blog is soo fun and I love talking to you guys and just letting my mind run free. This post gave me so much positivity, and I thank you so much for your kind words 💕💕

I try really hard to be 100% honest and respectful, especially towards mental health. Obviously everyone deals with it differently, and even though they are fictional characters, I want to treat everything with the respect and dignity they deserve. If you happen to see a mental illness you are unsure of in my post, I definitely suggest to look into it, because there is so much to discover about the brain and how it deals with trauma. It might even help someone close to you, or just give you insight. I know when I started researching mental health for people around me, I found things I was later diagnosed with by a doctor.

About the post/some fun facts about the post:

There is multiple characters in the post, with 3-4 bullet points each. Each bullet point is a little bit more than a paragraph.

I did include things such as childhood/early developmental disorders, which I only talk about in the bullet points.

Sally was originally going to be in the post, but I decided to remove her due to controversy. What I would have said may not have been suitable for some, and would most likely have been triggering. This was due to projecting. I didn't feel safe enough to continue her in the post. And decided to remove her. But for anyone wondering, I do headcanon her as autistic, ADHD, and pulling her hair/fidgeting with her body due to SA.

Papa Grande was supposed to be in the post, but I had too many illnesses to write for him, and he could be his own post in all honesty. I would like to explore this later, maybe in an ask or on my own time, and really flush out how I see his character.

Some of the things I headcanon are projecting, due to my own mental health issues. You'll probably tell who towards in the post, but I wanted to write characters as true as possible in a present day mansion type post. I do headcanon the mansion exists and that Slender does punishments/rewards, which just means he physically tortures people vs giving them better conditions. You'll notice this likely when I talk about the Proxies.

I would like to eventually make another post like this with more characters. Some of the characters that were not in this post but I would like to add later include Laughing Jill, Papa Grande, Sally, Sonic.EXE, Glitchy Red, Widemouth, and B.O.B.!

The post is veryyyy long, so finding the character you might want to read will be tricky. I do apologize for that. :(

I hope this might answer some questions on the weird timeline of the post. I planned on finishing it on 10/17 but there was so much to write I ran out of time, haha. I hope you feel this post is worth the wait, however!

Stay safe as well, and please make sure to take care of yourself, mind and body. If no one has said it today, I love you, I care for you, you are worthy, you are enough. I'm proud of you for doing the best you can today, even if it's just getting up to use the restroom. If you are not feeling well, it will all make sense again one day, every down has an up, and every dawn comes after the night. 💕💕💕