#you mean to tell me she kept putting up rachel's posters for so long and clung to max even after she ghosted her for years

[hothammies]

chloe price... a free spirit... the one that lost three separate people within the game yet held onto them for so long because of her severe attachment issues.... THAT chloe price...

[themysteryofwriting]

for your bthb, how about logan as "the collector"?

@badthingshappenbingo

The Collector (Sanders sides fic)

Word Count: 3003

TW: Kidnapping, Taxidermy on a person, blunt force trauma, character death, implied use of a date rape drug, major character death

Everyone collected things.  Some people collect stuffed animals, other people collect pins, and even others collect stamps.  So why was Logan so different just because he collected people.

He had collected quite a few people throughout the years.  There was Patton, who had been there the longest.  He was a sweet guy.  Always cheerful, even now, trying to keep the others upbeat and happy.  Patton had been here since Logan’s senior year of college.  They had met at a small cafe.  Patton trusted way too easily.  It wasn’t hard to get that ball of sunshine to come with him.

The twins came about a year after Patton.  He saw them during a show he went to and knew he just had to have them.  The twins being Roman and Remus of course.  Named after the Roman legend and just exquisite in every way.  They took a bit more planning to get then Patton.  Which was no surprise considering Patton had literally walked with him until Logan had decided they were close enough for him to drug him. But nevertheless, the twins were added to the Collection.  It was such a shame he couldn’t talk to them anymore, but they had made their choice.  If they had listened, then Logan wouldn’t have to have gone to such extreme measures.

A little bit after that, and before the twins made their massive mistake came Dee.  He was a shy boy, who didn’t trust many people. He also had a burn on the right side of his face. He had actually met him before the twins, but it took nearly a year for Dee to trust him enough for him to get him.  He had only been with them a few weeks before the incident with the twins.  But it was clear after that that neither Dee nor Patton would be trying anything.

And his most recent edition, at least until today, going only a few months back. He had met him on the way to work and got the same feeling that he had gotten for the twins.  He just had to have Virgil.  Virgil took a little bit longer to get but he was with them now.

And today, Logan had found a new target.  He would have probably passed right by her if he hadn’t noticed the missing posters she was putting up.  They were missing posters for Virgil. He had seen them around here and there and had tried taking them down without arousing any suspicion.  He didn’t realize who had been putting them up though. Before doing anything, he had to find out more about her.  He picked up one of the flyers she had and walked over to her.  “I think you dropped this.”

“Oh thank you,” she said, smiling take the flyer.  “Sorry, I’m probably dropping them everywhere.”

“No, it’s fine,” Logan said with a smile.  “Do you mind if I ask who that is?”

The girl shook her head.  “He’s my older brother, Virgil.  He went missing a few months back.  Everyone else seems to think he’s run away, but I know my brother better than that.  We’re really close, he wouldn’t have left without telling me.”

Interesting. Virgil hadn’t said anything about a sister.  And she would be both a good addition to his Collection and a good way to keep Virgil in line.  “...You know what I think he looks familiar.”

“Really,” Virgil’s sister asked hopefully.  “Do you know where you could have seen him?  Was it recently?”

“....You’re really worried about him, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, he’s my older brother, we’ve always protected each other….,” Virgil’s sister winced as she realized something, “I’m sorry, I realized I forgot to ask for your time.”

Logan smiled softly at her.  “Logan Berry,” he said introducing himself, using a fake last name just in case she decided to do some research.

“It’s nice to meet you, Logan,” she said, smiling up at him, giving off the same energy as Patton, “My name’s Rachel.”

“Why don’t we go to the cafe so we can talk this out.”

“Well I need to finish putting up these posters first,” Rachel said, “Someone keeps tearing these down, I’m free tomorrow afternoon though.  Maybe around 2ish?”

Logan nodded.  “Then we can talk then.”

Rachel nodded.  “See you then,” she said before heading off.

“Rachel Bosque,” Logan muttered, knowing her last name because of his research on Virgil.  He grinned a bit.  She would be an excellent addition to his Collection.  He abandoned his original plan of what he was going to do and head home.

“I’m home~,” Logan called out as he walked inside the house.  If you could even call it a house with how gigantic it was.

Before going to work, he went to check on the rest of his Collection.  Dee and Patton both glanced up and clearly knew what the look on his face was.

Virgil, like he had been the past couple months, was sulking in the corner, glaring at Logan.

“You’re back early Lolo,” Patton said with a smile that wasn’t entirely real.

Dee just sat next to Patton, already scared for the newcomer.  He knew by now that Logan wouldn’t hurt him if he didn’t mess up, but he was still quiet.

Logan nodded, smiling a bit.  “I think I found a good addition to the Collection.”

Virgil’s eyes widened in disbelief, where Patton and Dee nodded, having recognized the look on Logan’s face.

“Who is it,” Patton asked.

“You never told me you had a sister Virgil.”

That made Virgil growl.  “Leave her the fuck alone. She has nothing to do with this!”

“Ah don’t be like that Virgil, you know I’m not going to hurt her.  Besides, don’t you want to see your sister again?”

“I don’t want you to have anything to do with her.”

Logan tsked.  “Now Virgil, I don’t want to have to punish you again.”

Virgil flinched slightly before going quiet, he was still glaring at Logan though.

Logan smiled and hummed before going to do research on Rachel.  He hummed a bit as he did so, wondering how he hadn’t come across her before.  If he hadn’t already known that they were related, he might assume they were dating with the number of her photos Virgil was in.  It seemed like she worked in a theatre, working on props and stuff like that if the theatre’s page was any accurate.  The more he read, the more he was certain she would be a perfect fit for his Collection.  If his interaction with her earlier was any indication, she would be easy to grab.  He could probably slip something into her drink when she went to the bathroom and simple as that he would have her.

Noticing the time, Logan got food for himself and his Collection before planning everything for tomorrow.  He would have her before dinner time tomorrow, he just knew it.  After he finished getting everything together he headed to bed so he would be refreshed for their meeting tomorrow.

Upon waking up, Logan did his normal routine for himself and his Collection before double and triple-checking that he had everything he would need.  After being sure, he headed out to the cafe that they had planned to meet. He didn’t have to wait long, as Rachel showed up soon after he did.  

“Hey Logan, you weren’t waiting long were you?”

“Not at all, should I order us drinks?”

“Sounds great,” Rachel beamed putting her stuff down.  “I’ll go to the bathroom while you’re doing that.  Get me a hot chocolate, I’m not really one for caffeine.”

Logan nodded, ordering the drinks as she headed to the bathroom, slipping something into Rachel’s while no one else was looking before heading back to their table and putting their drinks down.

Rachel soon came out.  “So do you know where you might have seen him?”

“Well I’m going to have to think about,” Logan said as he watched Rachel take a sip of her cocoa and started a mental timer.  “I think it was about a month ago.”

“You saw him a month ago,” Rachel asked, a little too excited, “That’s so much sooner than anyone else has seen him!”

Logan smiled a bit.  “Well let me see if I can remember where.”

Logan kept listing places, with Rachel scribbling them down until he noticed Rachel struggling to keep focus.  

“Hey you don’t look so good, maybe you should head home.

Rachel nodded, starting to stand up before she stumbled again.  “....I don’t think I’ll make it home,” she muttered, her words slurring.

“Well then I can take you home,” Logan hummed, “What’s your address?”

Rachel muttered something incoherent as Logan started ‘taking her home’.  Of course, that wasn’t necessarily her home.  Before too much longer she fell unconscious and Logan picked her up, a little surprised with how light she was, as he started walking home.

It didn’t take too long for them to get back and quickly injected her with the tracker he injected all of them with and quickly set that so he’d be alerted if she tried to leave or anything like that.  As soon as that was set up he brought her to the others.

“What did you do to her,” Virgil practically shouted upon seeing Rachel.

“Oh calm down Virgil, it was only something to keep her unconscious a bit.  She’ll wake up soon.”  Logan put her down on one of the beds and as soon as Logan stepped away, Virgil ran up to her to make sure she was okay.

“I’ll come back to check on you later,” Logan said with a smile as he left.  Virgil just growled at Logan, trying to protect his sister.  Logan just smiled, needing to get everything else ready for when she woke up. Well, technically most of it would be coming tomorrow but he still needed to get it ready.  He wanted his Collection to be happy after all.  He kept an eye on the time for when he knew Rachel would be waking up.  

Once the time approached, he got up and headed back over.  Sure enough, Rachel was starting to stir.  Virgil started glaring at Logan as he showed up, to which Logan only responded with a smile.

“...Virge,” Rachel asked quietly, starting to sit up.  It was almost like if she was afraid if she spoke louder he’d be gone.

And just like that, Virgil turned away from Logan to pay attention to his sister.  “I’m right here Ray, I’m so sorry.”

Rachel practically tackle hugged Virgil and sniffled a bit.  “You’re okay, you’re really okay.”

“Depends what you mean by okay,” Virgil muttered, glaring a bit at Logan again.

Rachel noticed and finally got a good look at their surroundings.  He watched as her eyes glanced around the room, which he made sure had things for all of them to do, before her eyes landed on him and she realized what happened.  “...Logan you….drugged me?”

“I’m sorry, but I needed to grab you quickly, and besides, now you’re reunited with Virgil,” Logan said.

Logan could practically see the moment she realized.  “You….you were the one who took him.”

“He was just a perfect addition to my collection, just like you.”

Virgil clung tighter to his sister as Logan said that.

“Now I’m sure the others can explain everything to you, but the most important thing.  As long as you listen to me, you won’t get hurt.”  Upon saying that, Logan walked away, hearing Patton starting to explain everything to Rachel.  

And with that Logan went back to his normal schedule….at least for the next 3 weeks.  Once Rachel had been there for three weeks, just when Logan was about to go to bed, he got an alert.  

He glanced over to see who it was.  It looked like it was Virgil and Rachel.  Logan sighed and got up to check on the situation.  Fortunately, they weren’t anywhere close to the door so Logan headed to a good place to meet up with them, hoping the situation was like he thought it was.

Soon enough, they showed up, Virgil all but pulling his sister along.  Rachel glanced around looking scared and actually freezing upon seeing Logan standing there.  

Virgil growled upon seeing Logan.  “I’m not going to let you keep us here.”

“Did Patton and Dee never tell you about the twins?”

“The twins,” Rachel asked quietly.

“They are part of Collection too, but they tried to escape, and...let’s just say they’re not with everyone else.”

Virgil realized the implication and pulled Rachel behind him, protecting her.

“Now you have two options.  You two can either go back to the others and have a small punishment in the morning, or you can fight me and lose, and find out firsthand what exactly happened to the twins.”

“Virge I-,” Rachel said, clearly terrified.

“Well I choose option 3, I knock you out and get my sister and me out of here,” Virgil’s voice softened before speaking to Rachel.  “Don’t worry Ray, I got this.”

Logan just smirked, prepared to fight.

Rachel nodded slightly and stepped back, not wanting to get caught up in the fight.

“Let’s do this,” Virgil growled, immediately lunging at Logan.

Logan sighed and literally just stepped to the side and avoided him.  “You know you’re going to have to try harder than that,” he said with a scoff.

Virgil just growled again and changed into a fighting stance before going into attack.

Logan easily fought back.  He was almost a little bored with how easy this was.  “I’ll give you one last chance to go back to the others, Virgil.”

“Fuck no,” Virgil hissed, still trying, and failing, to knock Logan out.  Not that knocking him out would have stopped him anyways with the chips in their arms.  

“So be it,” Logan sighed grabbing an encyclopedia from the desk and while Virgil was distracted, he swung with all his might, making sure to hit him in the temples.

Logan smiled a bit as Virgil crumpled to the ground and he checked for a pulse.  Had to make sure he was dead first after all. First, he held his hand up to Virgil’s nose and mouth.  No breathing.  Good.  Logan then checked for a pulse and smirked.  Just one last check.  He grabbed a penlight from his desk and shined it in Virgil’s eyes.  No reaction from either pupil.  Perfect he was dead in every way that mattered.  

Upon hearing a sob from the doorway to the room, Logan remembered Virgil wasn’t the only one there besides him.  He got up and Rachel flinched and stumbled back.  “P-please I-I'll go b-back.  I-i don’t w-want to d-die.”

Logan only smiled, leaning down to Rachel’s height and caressing her cheek. “Oh I know, you were just following your brother’s terrible decisions, weren’t you?”

Rachel nodded, possibly from fear, but to Logan that didn’t matter.

“Let’s take you back Rachel,” Logan said with a smile, trying to hide Virgil’s body from her.  It didn’t matter that she had tried to leave as well., she needed time to process before seeing that.

Rachel nodded softly, letting Logan lead her back.  Logan smiled a bit as she was brought back to the others.

“Rachel,” Patton asked, shooting up in worry, “Oh thank goodness you’re okay!  Wait...where’s Virgil?”

That one question and Rachel broke down in a sob.

“Patton, you can make the next couple of meals,” Logan said, “I’m going to up late tonight with a project.”

Both Patton and Dee paled slightly upon hearing that.  “Alright Lolo,” Patton said, moving to comfort Rachel.

And with that Logan set off to get to work.  He needed to at least get the basic stuff down today before the body started rotting. He picked up Virgil’s body and brought it over to the same place he had worked on the twins’ bodies and quickly got to work.  Once he had finished the basic work, gotten rid of everything he didn’t need, and preserved the skin so it wouldn’t dry out, Logan headed to the bed for the night.

It took about a month to finally finish, with breaks to get the stuff he needed to get done and to check on the rest of his collection.  Once done, he moved it to the same place as the twins.

He figured Rachel would want to see what happened so he came to get her.

“Lolo please,” Patton said, knowing what Logan had planned, after all, he had shown the two of them after he finished with the twins, “No one deserves to see that.”

“Just consider this….a punishment for trying to escape.”

Patton nodded and turned to Rachel, who was hiding a bit behind Patton.  It seemed like she was a little scared of him now.  Not that he could blame her.

“Logan’s not going to hurt you, he’s just going to show you something.  And we’ll be right here when you get back,” Patton told Rachel softly.

Rachel nodded, mutely getting up and following Logan.  

Logan smiled a bit as he led her to the room.  “I just thought you’d like to see what became of Virgil.”

Rachel glanced up at him in confusion as they arrived at the room and Logan gestured inside.  He let Rachel walk inside first and waited until he heard her drop to the ground before following her in.

Rachel had dropped to her knees and was just staring up at the taxidermy of Virgil Logan had worked so hard on.  

“You don’t have to worry about any of this as long as you don’t try to escape again,” Logan said, “And listen to what I say.”

Rachel nodded mutely.

Logan smiled and brought him back to the others.

Most people collected objects, but Logan collected people.  So what if that made him different.  It’s not like he was doing anything wrong as long as he kept them happy.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

AWAE 1x5 rewatch: thoughts and reactions

Here I am again with another AWAE rewatch. Writing these takes longer than you might think, so I don’t know how regular I can keep those coming, but I’ll see what I can do. For the time being, let’s dive into another episode:

And this episode opens in the best way possible - with Shirbert’s first spelling scene. Little did we know how important those would become - although reading the books kind of gave us a hint of it. And yet, this is one of the added charms of this incarnation of the story.

I have to say Mr. Philips is not being subtle with the words he is giving them to spell.

And there goes Gilbert’s first skipped E - in the word engagement, no less. That letter was given a lot more emphasis here than in the source material, and I live for it. 

“Anne, are you feeling alright?” Knowing what milestone Anne experiences later on in this episode, Anne’s discomposure probably has little to do with Gilbert’s effect on her. But who can ever know for sure? I have to say, this episode had one of the cold opens I call “gold opens”. 

And there it goes - Anne’s dramatic reaction to her first period. Is this an appropriate time to complain about the lack of health ed kids get in this setting? I mean, she would not have reacted like this if she had been talked to about this and knew what to expect. I doubt anyone’s reaction would be any different if they didn’t know what periods were, woke up in pain one night and discovered they were bleeding. Also, Anne better not be soaking that thing in hot water, or else the stain is never coming out. 

Anne’s “I’m not ready to be a woman” speaks so much to me. WARNING: intimate personal experience coming up. I remember my first period. I had just turned fourteen about a month prior, and I had pretty much stopped anxiously awaiting it after I had done so since they talked about it in health class when I was 12. So, when I went into school for a test one day 6 years ago - I was really sick so I only went in for the test in the middle of the school day - I was focusing on the material and on suppressing my sneezes so I wouldn’t spread the flu to others. I was not at all expecting to go into that test a girl and come back home  a woman. Yes, I was in pain, but I thought it was the usual stress pains I would get during important tests amplified by my sickness. Anyway, so after that day, for years after, I would cry when I got my period and insist that “I am not a woman, I do not need this” and this emotion was so strong in me that it would result in progesterone deficiency and my period would skip for months and I would be on meds for so long. Then, when I was 17, I talked to a therapist about this and it turned out my refusing to accept I was a woman (as opposed to a girl, not that I was questioning my gender) was making my body try to suppress my womanhood. So yeah, it was tough. But I’m ok now and Anne’s reaction just brought out this personal memory. I’m sorry. Maybe I didn’t need to tell you all this, but it’s closely tied to my reception of this episode, so the way I see it I couldn’t go without it. 

The way Marilla shooed Matthew out made me think. Was the existence of periods supposed to be kept a total secret from men at the time? Because that is not ok. Even today, there are a lot of men in the world, probably the majority of them, who don’t know the simplest thing about periods.Those are men who have mothers, sisters, girlfriends, daughters - they interact with women close to them and they at least need to know what to do and what not to do to make that time of the month easier for the women in their lives. But they don’t because nobody teaches them. This is just another part of making periods seem like a shameful thing that is to be kept secret at all times. And that’s not ok. But we’ll get back to that in future scenes.

While Anne is turning into a woman physically, Gilbert has to grow up too fast in a different way. What he has to go through with, and then without his father is just heartbreaking. Getting your period is a good and healthy, if unpleasant, way to grow up; losing your father - just the opposite.

Marilla cracks me up. “That explains all the children” is her hilariously deadpan response to Rachel saying she’d rather be pregnant. And I’m glad to see both women find it as hilarious as I do.

I’m even happier to see the girls at school are laughing together, too. However, things get serious quite suddenly. Apparently, Anne has just told them about her new maturity, so now they’re all sharing their experience. However, Ruby reminds me a lot of me in the same situation. Remember that health class I had when I was 12? It provoked a lot of discussion among us girls afterwards, and that was incredibly awkward for me because I was apparently the only one who didn’t have it yet. So yeah, I was Ruby in this situation, but I would go on to become Anne saying “Trust me, if I could give you mine, I would.” It reminds me of another personal story, and you’ll have to excuse me for telling it. A lot of my personal stories are coming out here, but I guess it’s the topic of the episode and there’s no way for me to comment on it without relating those stories. So, about a year ago when my 11yo cousin told me she’d gotten hers, I was in another one of my so-called “period-less periods” and I was seriously worried about my health. So, naturally, I was like “If I could take yours, I would.” Because, you know, it’s normal if you don’t have it at 11, but it is seriously concerning if you’re a 19-year old virgin going two months without her period. So, you see, I’ve been at so many points within the spectrum. Well, I’ll try to comment only on the episode from here on and not share my entire medical past. 

“Nice boys never say people eat insects”. I quote that pretty much on a daily basis - every time someone mentions mnemonic devices. It’s hilarious. One of my university professors went out of her way to say those two words as many times as she could one time last year and I could not contain my laughter thinking of this quote, courtesy of Gilbert Blythe.

Anne acts just the way I do on my period - ok, I said no more personal details, but that barely counts. It’s just, Anne is so relatable. But also, when she says “Nothing appeals to me, Marilla” - I know what you need, Anne. You need chocolate. But did they have chocolate like we do?

My, I had forgotten this was when the raspberry cordial incident happens. This should be fun. And then heartbreaking. But it’s kinda fun in the long run, you know.

Wait, is Matthew going to order a puff sleeved dress for Anne? Is this that? I mean, it has to be since he rarely leaves Green Gables unless it’s for something really important. And if this is important to Anne, then you bet it’s also important to Matthew. You gotta love that man.

Of course Anne would be wearing the special ribbon Marilla Gave her. And of course she would invest all of her energy into that tea party. This is beautiful. Too bad one little mistake will have to ruin things...

Matthew is visibly uncomfortable amid the crowd in town, but he’s doing this for Anne and that means he has to do it, even if it’s out of his comfort zone. Even if Marilla might disapprove. The world needs more men like Matthew Cuthbert. 

If Diana’s family had seen the manner in which Anne welcomed her to tea, they might have disregarded her mistake at the end, but alas, they didn’t. It was as classy and sophisticated as could be. The end was an innocent mistake. 

Ok, but how funny would it be if the first bottle Anne picked up was actually the cordial she was looking for? That was kinda like putting down the correct answer on a test, then correcting it to the wrong one. I know I said it’s funny, but now that I put it like this, it’s just as upsetting as it has always seemed to me.

“Will you take me with you, you have to take me”... imagine Anne at finishing school. Just imagine. 

Ah, yes, alcohol brings out the immature side of even the most dignified young ladies. There’s nothing like seeing Diana Barry, the poster girl for classy, shouting “Bosoms!” and giggling with her best friend. Her highly controlled young life finally saw a moment of blissful immaturity. What a pity it will end in tears. 

I see Matthew has finally opened up - and of course he has, he is talking about Anne. He just loves her so much. Ever since I was first introduced to the books, I’ve always thought it’s such a wonderful mistake that Anne ended up with the Cuthberts. It made life better for them as well as for her. 

Little Matthew reminds me a little bit of Cole - quiet and gentle, but, as Jeannie said, knows how to “make himself known”.  And also I love them both with all my heart. 

Oh my, so this is the reason Matthew had to leave school - because Michael passed away? I had forgotten. Well, thanks for breaking my heart a second time. But well, I brought this upon myself by deciding to rewatch the entire series. 

“A dignified affair”... if Marilla could see them now. Well, it’s better off that she can’t yet. Things are going down as it is, just let the fun last a little longer. 

And there we go. It’s like the whole world is falling apart. This is worse than that time in season 3 when Diana’s mother drags her away from the Baynard house. And both times it is just plain tragic because both Anne and the Baynards are beautiful, good people who are nothing but kind and loving to Diana, and yet her mother fails to see that anything else but what she has deemed appropriate for her daughter, can be good. 

If Marilla thinks some pairs of boots are “a frivolous expense”, I can’t imagine how she would react to the dress Matthew ordered for Anne. 

“I will never have another bosom friend” Well, no, you won’t have to, Diana. It might seem like it’s the end of the world now, but it won’t last. Then, of course, there will be that other time of separation, which, like the other parallel I drew regarding Diana’s mother forbidding her to fraternise with someone, has to do with Jerry. I don’t want to think about that one, but, you know - just like this one, that, too, was fixed within the next episode. Also, based on this scene, I totally see why people ship them. I mean, it lowkey reminds me of Rapunzel and Cass in the TTS finale. You should watch that show if you haven’t btw. 

Yes, Anne, life is so unfair, but not to you right now. To Gilbert. He’s losing his father. Forever. You just lost a friend for a little while. But of course, Anne knows neither one of those things. Life really is unfair, isn’t it?

“What wonderful red hair”, “I’ve heard nice things about you.” These must be some of the nicest things an adult who is not Matthew or Marilla has said to Anne in a long while. I wonder how that made her feel. If I were Anne, Gilbert’s father would have just made my day.

“Give my kind regards to Marilla” These words, coming from John Blythe, mean more than Anne and Gilbert can imagine. They mean more to me now that I’m watching this episode for the second time. That is why I love rewatches. 

“Fair and square” Another Shirbert moment that would go on to become iconic. In a way, this whole episode is. 

I see that, for once, Anne is putting her heart into her needlepoint. And not just hers, but, as it seems, Diana’s, too. She’s literally embroidered the words “kindred spirits” between two connected hearts. It’s beautiful. And sad to think that, as far as they know, they can never speak to each other again.

“I’ve come to realise that there are far bigger worries in the world” - is Anne referring to what Gilbert is going through with his father? Probably. I mean, being an orphan and going from one abusive household to another, Anne has probably never really had a relative to worry about. So she likely never even thought about how Gilbert feels taking care of his ill father until she saw it with her own eyes. This is why she won’t know how to properly react when John Blythe is gone. 

So, I was wondering what Jerry’s role in this very much iconic episode would be, and there it is - he will be the one to take the boots back and bring home Anne’s special dress. And return the button to Jeannie, of course. This is definitely a special part. And Jerry delivered - both figuratively and literally in this particular case.

Anne’s face seeing the big box on her bed is priceless. The moment she sees the dress inside - even more so. What is a moment of “frivolous expense” and “vanity” to see her dream come true. And, just like that, the Cuthberts are a happy family.

In this episode, we saw: Shirbert’s first spell-off with Gilbert’s first skipped E; Anne’s first period, commented on with a lot of personal details about mine; a memorable mnemonic device; the development of John Blythe’s illness; a sassy Marilla moment and the reason behind all of Rachel Lynde’s pregnancies; Matthew orders a puff sleeved dress for Anne and is reunited with an old... friend in the process; Anne invites Diana to tea with disastrous results; the (temporary) tragic end of a  beautiful friendship; Anne is older and wiser; Jerry delivers an important package; a happy ending to a tough week for Anne.

[bluedaviau]

「 cherry. rachel hilson. cis female. she/her. 」 are you ready for the time of your life, BLUE DAVIAU? the TWENTY ONE year old FINE ART graduate from tulane is ready to HOT AIR BALLOON  in DUBAI this semester. close friends would describe them as IDEALISTIC and CREATIVE, but there’s really only one way to find out. get ready for what august has in store for you, BLUE ! 「 pepper. twenty one. est. she/her. 」

ABOUT THE MUN.  the 2000 claymation film chicken run radicalized me

what up, i’m pepper, i’m twenty four, and not to flex but i’ve had writer’s block for two str8 months !! but i’m hoping to change that right here right now with one ms. blue daviau so thank you for coming on this journey with me friends it’s gonna be wild. a bit about me is i’ve gone to the mall literally every day this week and honestly, i am Exhausted from it so i apologize for the mess this intro is about to be. i’m a taurus with a libra moon and libra rising so do with that information what you will. my favourite pokemon is mewtwo. growing up i had a massive crush on danny phanton and ben 10, like i loved those lanky boys that could transform to fight crime for some reason?? i can’t tell you why. also when i was a child i thought god looked like king triton from the little mermaid. alright that is enough about me, moving on to blue. 

BIO.  if you use my coloured pencils you better put them back in rainbow order

this is going to be the short version of her bio but if you want to see the long rambly messy version you can find my google doc/app here ! which i recommend you looking at for no other reason than to see how cute the little cherry doodle i inserted in there is. it took me so long to get that in there and looking cute. it’s baby’s first fancy google doc 😌 anyways sdjhdsjh 

blue was born and raised in hawaii! her mother, stormi, was miss hawaii state at one point and her father, reggie, was a pro surfer! however before blue was born her father had a surfing accident that left him in a wheelchair. he turned to art to try to cope with the trauma of this accident and the reality of never being able to surf again, and he even opened up his own gallery! his gallery became a tourist attraction in hawaii and pretty well known in the art community and after passing down her crown blue’s mother became a news anchor. so the fact was blue was the daughter of two local legends in hawaii and the expectations were high!

not to mention the fact that all of blue’s elder siblings were amazing too. blue has five older siblings and all of them are successful in their own right and in their own niche. they’re also all named after colours funnily enough. the daviau parents had big hippy energy in case you were wondering. 

so growing up blue was always just kind of the ‘other’ sibling. all her older siblings had showed their talents at a young age and grew into them pretty quickly, while blue was just kind of... there. she was an artist, but she wasn’t a groundbreaking artist. she could sing, but her voice was simply pretty, not lifechanging. she could surf, but she was average at best. to put it simply, blue was the daviau sibling who wasn’t at all special. which ironically, made her stand out like a sore thumb. 

blue didn’t mind too much though, at least not when she was younger. she kept to herself anyways. all blue wanted do when she was younger was read, draw, and explore hawaii’s wild life, so she had everything she could possibly need to be happy right at her fingertips. life was good for her despite her inadequacy, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t aware of it (and wouldn’t develop a complex about it later).

when blue was six though her parents decided that they needed to have sweet, sweet, baby number seven to save their marriage. they named that sweet boy gray. he did not save a damn thing, but he sure was cute. blue was eleven when her parents finally divorced and that pretty much marked the end of blue having any kind of parental guidance. 

long story short, both of blue’s parents went kinda buckwild the moment they were single and most of the responsibility to take care of five year old gray fell on blue. blue was the one to make gray’s meals. blue was the one to give gray a bath. blue was the one to tuck gray in at night and get him into his school clothes in the morning. blue was the one to help him with his homework and hold his hand as he crossed the street and honestly pretty much do everything for him until she was about seventeen. both her parents simply checked out on that front, and it the end blue was more of a mother to gray than either of their parents were. 

the pressure of having to not only take care of herself but also gray when she wasn’t even legally an adult yet, was honestly way too much for blue. her anxiety skyrocketed, and the pressure she put on herself only grew. the only way blue could really cope with it and calm herself down was by 1. losing herself in nature, 2. drawing, or 3. reading, or rather most likely, doing all of the above at once. using art of an escape pretty much guaranteed that blue’s love and passion for it grew, and with that her talent for it. by that time blue was seventeen she had a full portfolio ready to send off to any university outside of hawaii that would take her. because you bet your bottom dollar your girl was getting the hell outta there!

as we all know blue got accepted to tulane. it was hard to leave gray and her family behind, but blue set her mother and father straight before she left, ensuring that gray would be well taken care of in her stead and hoping that some distance between herself and her family that was so dependent on her (her mother never new how to cook so blue made all the meals, her father never knew how to handle gray so he was always coming to blue to advice, gray was absolutely lost without her, etc) would lift that pressure off her shoulders. 

it didn’t at first. the first few months were tough with all the calls blue got from home. that plus the schoolwork she had on her plate almost left her more stressed than before. however, slowly the calls began to fade and slowly blue was able to put her full focus in her art program, and later, her animation programs. 

sorry folks my brain is fried, we’re gonna stop here!

HEADCANNONS. on all levels except physical i am sitting on top of the moon with my legs swinging back and forth

Blue’s father is in a wheelchair from the surfing accident that made him take up art. His past as a professional surfer is actually part of the reason why his gallery is so popular though honestly, because the accident was televised and after that tragedy many of his fans and the public wanted to support him. He just also so happened to be really talented. But yeah, Blue’s father was really talented at surfing, he was even invited to the summer olympics in the nineties! But he was also the type to refuse to go because ‘surfing should be freeing, the olympics have so many restrictions, it takes away from what surfing is!!’ dkjsd he was that type yk? I also imagine Blue’s parents were the type to be on the front lines at protests. As it is, Blue is the same, very passionate, definitely has made some bomb ass posters and t-shirts for every women's march she’s attended.

Blue can play the ukulele really well and she honestly has a really pretty singing voice. However she can’t dance even a little bit. Honestly, she could literally break a bone. Really wants to throw it back though 😔

Loves to bake and cook because they’re relaxing activities with built in rewards. Learned to bake and cook because of having to take care of herself and her brother's meals when she was younger, that is if she didn’t want them both to literally get diabetes. As it is though, now that she doesn’t have to worry about her baby brother’s diet as well as her own, she will make a whole chocolate cake just cause she’s a little stressed and proceed to actually eat it. But she will share though. Catch Blue coming to your hotel room with sweets.

All of Blue’s elder siblings are adults now, but Gray is still about sixteen. They exchanged letters from Hawaii to Tulane and Blue always spends hours decorating hers and including little snacks and cute little knick knacks in them, despite the fact that Gray is now an angsty teenager and does not find these things as entertaining as he used to. Despite that, they are definitely the closest out of their siblings for the most part.

Blue’s siblings' names are Sage, Jett, Jade, Ruby, Rose and of course Gray. Jade and Jett, and Ruby and Rose are both twins.

The type to cry easily honestly. Also the type to carry other people’s problems with her. Like if you tell Blue that someone hurt your feelings last week she will remember and she will check on you the next time she sees you. Very empathetic, almost to a fault though because she’s constantly being careful of everyone else’s feelings rather than her own. The type who’s a good listener though. Also the type to give either really good advice or really odd advice.  

Art still tends to be her happy place, something she got from her father. Trying to find her own place outside of her father's shadow. She wants to get into the world of animation and cartoons but the whole task is a bit daunting. Is planning to work her ass off for it though! Spends a lot of time in coffee shops storyboarding and making animations. I think she may have a contract going on with a cartoon network of some sort, like they may have picked up a show of hers? Because I imagine her putting out some of her first shorts on Youtube and that might have gotten a bit of attention and led to her getting a deal for a show, so. She’s probably working her ass off towards that, and is honestly probably 1.doubting if they really picked up her show because of her talent or her father’s name, and 2.wondering if she can really do this.

Loves water in all shapes and forms. Since she can’t go to the beach everyday, the small bath in her tiny ass apartment??? Suddenly heaven. That said, Blue is either terrified of the ocean or loves it and I can’t decide which. Standby on that.

Makes a great coffee cake. Like it’s to die for.

Is VERY passionate about the environment. Is a pescatarian. Goes to the farmers market to pick out fresh produce. Loves to hike.

Always has the urge to sketch or paint after she reads poetry or novels. Highlights her favourite bits and has the tendency to read them over when she’s sad. The parts she loves are usually the parts that leave her wanting something.

Draws when she’s sad too. Claire Saffitz energy when she’s cooking but also just through life. Very friendly, but an introvert when it comes to gathering her energy.

Lives for libraries and bookstores, and has stacks on stacks of books in her old apartment. Loves old children's books honestly, like The Secret Garden, and poetry. Like whimsical and fantastical fiction with flowery words that just brings you to another place? Blue’s freaking jam. Falls in love with someone in fiction every five days, and desperately wants to be in love in real life, hence all the tinder dates and blind dates. I don’t think Blue ever has fallen in love though, like not really.

An absolute baby when it comes to the cold. Literally there could be a slight breeze and Blue will be acting like she’s suddenly in the arctic.  Any cold destinations will be greeted by a bundled up Blue’s Clues.

Made her first painting out of her own feces at six months old. Her parents proudly framed it. It’s probably still up in the attic in their Hawaii home.

Won her first art show at six but was unsure whether it was because her art really was something worth awarding or because of her father’s name. The award got her on the front page of the Honolulu Tribune but with her father proudly at her back and the title ‘Following in her father’s footsteps’ above her head. Blue just wants to find her own footing in the art world, and be her own person.

Keeps a journal and has since she was a teenager.

WANTED CONNECTIONS. i’m the friend that needs help opening water bottles. 

coming to theatres near you soon!

[asofterfan]

Winter Winds

Chapter 1: Hot Mess

Previous ~ Next

Summary: Six years later...

Warnings: alcoholism, transphobia, enbyphobia, nbphobia, self esteem issues

No matter what ringtone they chose for their alarm, Remy would always hate it within two days.

Blindly reaching out to turn off the tortuous chimes that indicated it was time to wake the fuck up, Remy sighed heavily. Sitting up, they were faced with the familiar pounding in their skull. The glass next to their mattress was empty, so either they’d have to get up to get water, or not get water. They flopped back onto the mattress.

But within a few minutes their second alarm was chiming, drawing out a long groan as they slapped at their phone again. Fine. Time to get up apparently.

Remy sat up and stretched, scratching at the leftover body glitter on their shoulder from the night before. As they stood they gently kicked a few empty bottles out of their way.

The apartment looked different, but in reality it hadn’t changed much in the past six years. The same mattress sat in the same corner, the same old crate as a side table, the same thrift store rug and old loveseat. They never bothered to get a dresser when their suitcase worked just fine, and there were a few boxes that they had never bothered to fully unpack. Their life was layered on top in the form of posters and ticket stubs and Christmas lights and trash shoved into corners. Sketchbooks lay piled in a corner, and dirty clothes were shoved into a laundry bag, ready for whenever they worked up the motivation to go to the laundromat.

Opening a cabinet in the kitchen, Remy grabbed one of three glasses they owned, filling it with tap water and chugging it. Leaning against the kitchen counter, they fiddled with the ends of their hair. It was mid-back, the pink underside slightly faded. They’d have to re-dye it soon. The ends were dry, and split, but Remy was confident they were hot enough that no one paid attention to their neglected hair.

A third alarm started ringing from their phone. What a bitch. Groaning, Remy stalked over to their bed, snatching their phone and silencing the alarm, quickly going through and turning off all the upcoming alarms as well. They awake enough, they didn’t need an alarm every five minutes today.

Quickly swiping through their phone, Remy hit shuffle on itunes, turning the volume all the way up before tossing it on the couch. The mirror above the bathroom sink showed them the smudged remains of their makeup from the night before. Sighing, they got to work washing it off, nodding their head to the beat of the music.

Once that was finished, they halfheartedly brushed their hair before throwing it into a ponytail, and brushed their teeth. Picking up the mouthwash, they found it was empty, groaning in frustration as they remembered using the last of it the morning before. Rubbing at their eyes, still tired, Remy wandered back into the kitchen, only to return to the bathroom a moment later with a bottle of vodka. Same thing, right? Taking a swig straight from the bottle, Remy swished it around in their mouth, grimacing before spitting it into the sink. Good enough.

Remy was pretty sure they didn’t own any clothing that didn’t have holes in it, or was too small, or both, but there were still a few shirts in the ‘clean’ pile so at least they didn’t have to worry about laundry just yet. Cass once told them their style was “homeless punk”, which like…. Rude, but not inaccurate.

Pulling on their tattered boots, held together by duck tape and spite, Remy finally turned off their music. Their leather jacket was hanging next to the door, and as they slipped it on they made sure they had all the essentials- wallet, keys, phone, sunglasses, headphones, and pronoun necklace with the charm flipped to “THEY/THEM”.

Checking the time, they knew they’d have to skip their Starbucks run if they wanted to be on time to work. Luckily, Remy didn’t give a fuck about being on time.

Caffeine before capitalism, bitches.

~

“What is UP motherfuckers I am so tired.”

“You’re also late,” a tall woman, only slightly shorter than Remy, with light blue hair crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow at them.

“Oh come on, Ali,” A petite brunette piped in from where she was disinfecting her station, “You say that like he’s not late everyday!”

“They’re not late everyday, Cass” Remy insisted, tapping at their necklace as they sauntered over to their own station beside the shorter woman’s, “Some days I’m not scheduled,” they winked.

“Sleeeeeeeep,” Ali sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and drawing the artist’s attention again. “I get that being late is like, your trademark, but what kind of boss would I be if I just kept letting you get away with it?”

“A great one,” Remy replied without hesitation. Putting their stuff down, Remy took a long sip of coffee before continuing, “Ali, I know you’ve been stressed since you officially took over for Rachel-”

“Rest in peace,” Cass interrupted solemnly.

“Stop telling people I’m dead!” Huffing indignantly, a heavily pregnant woman appeared in the lobby, carrying a box full of beat up sketchbooks.

“Rache!” Remy exclaimed, “Tell Ali I can do whatever I want!”

“You most certainly can NOT,” Rachel asserted, moving to brace the box on her hip as she stared down her former employees, “Remy, try to bring your asshole level down to maybe 75 percent. Ali, somehow Remy has managed to keep a good string of clientele and positive reviews. Pick your battles. Cass, stop sending my wife ‘your condolences’.”

“Fiiiiiiine.”

“If you say so.”

“Killjoy.”

Rachel shook her head fondly, “Don’t destroy my shop, bitches. I’ll be back eventually.” With that, she headed to her car, leaving the others grumbling behind her. The day continued, each going about their own business, working on designs for upcoming clients, answering emails about appointments. Remy’s phone buzzed beside them, but they ignored it.

About two hours later, a man looking to be in his mid thirties with a few tattoos on his arms already came in without an appointment.

“You guys take walk ins?” He asked gruffly.

“Yeah, what were you looking to get?”

Remy sighed from their station. Brett and Rafa weren’t scheduled to come in for another hour, and Cass was in the middle of a tattoo, which meant the walk in was definitely going to be Remy’s problem.

Sure enough, Ali called them over, “Remy, I got a client for you.”

Plastering on their best customer service smile, Remy sauntered over, “Excellent, what do I have the honor of immortalizing today?”

Dear God, the man was unironically getting a Fight Club quote tattooed on his forearm. Remy almost quit then and there. Ali glared, shaking her head minutely from behind the man, her eyes promising pain if Remy was anything less than cordial. Killjoy.

Gritting their teeth, Remy smiled, “Alright, come take a look at some fonts and I’ll get you set up.”

Remy wasn’t sure if the barely legible cursive font the man chose made the quote better or worse. They decided not to dwell on it. It didn’t take long to print the transfer and get their station set up, adjusting the seat in the center for a right forearm tattoo session. The client was mostly silent as Remy lightly shaved his forearm and wiped the disinfectant over it. Once the transfer the placed, the man nodded, offering a gruff “looks good”.

“Sweet, just hold tight for one more sec, hon.”

Swiveling their stool to face the steel table beside them, Remy got to work setting up their ink, along with paper towels and bottles of water and disinfectant; gauze set to the side for when they were finished.

As they worked, the man looked Remy up and down, “So, what are you?” he asked bluntly.

It hadn’t been loud before, but an uncomfortable silence seemed to settle on the whole shop, Ali glancing over from the front desk in disbelief. But Remy was unfazed. They looked up from their equipment and raised an eyebrow, “I'm a tattoo artist, duh.”

The man rolled his eyes condescendingly, “I mean, are you a man or a woman?”

Clenching their teeth, Remy took a deep breath, “Depends on the day, but today the answer is no,” they tapped on their necklace, the purple charm with a clear “THEY/THEM” on it.

“But what are you really?”

There was a pause, the tension thick as even Cass paused her work to look over incredulously. Remy wasn’t known for their patience though. They sent the man a cold smile, leaning forward to get just a little too close, “I'm the person who's about to spend the next hour injecting ink under your skin. Really.”

Stuttering, the man’s face turned a shade of red, from anger or embarrassment Remy couldn't tell, “Are you threatening me??”

“Of course not,” Remy purred, “That would be unprofessional. But maybe you should be quiet now. So I don't… lose focus.” They buzzed the tattoo gun on and off menacingly. Some of the blood drained from the man’s face. He still looked angry, like he had a lot he wanted to say very loudly right now. But he bit the words back and nodded shortly, Remy grinning wider.

“Good boy,” the man flinched as Remy placed a hand gently on his arm, situating themselves to begin working, “Now, let’s get this party started, shall we?” There is no response. Just the buzz of the tattoo gun as Remy did their job, even when they didn’t want to.

~~

“Well,” Cass drawled as the door closed behind Remy’s client, “he’s not gonna be leaving any shining reviews.”

“Worth it~,” Remy sang cheerily. Hey, they did the tattoo and they did it well. It was the man’s own fault he got a side of attitude and malice with his tattoo.

Cass rolled her eyes, returning her attention to the design she was working on in her sketchbook. But Ali frowned, coming to stand by the opening to Remy’s cubical. She spoke softly, her words just for Remy, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize he’d be a dick.”

“That’s life, hon,” Remy smirked. Ali didn’t know anyone else who could sound so cheery and so cold at the same time, “Assholes look like everyone else. They don’t wear signs. That’s why it’s best to just assume everyone is terrible until proven otherwise.”

“Well that’s a depressing way to live.”

Remy shrugged, “It’s worked well enough for me.”

Ali isn’t sure she actually believes that, but Remy turns their back to her, continuing to break down their station, everything about them communicating that the conversation was over.

There was a buzz from Remy’s phone. They ignored it.

~~

“Remy, tell Logan he’s overreacting!”

“FALSEHOOD!”

“You’re not helping your case there, sexy specs.”

Remy turned away from their computer, resting their chin on their hand as they took in the two bickering teenagers who had just arrived.

Virgil cut off Logan’s argument, still glaring at him even as he spoke to Remy, “Look, let me explain, Logan’s all in a huff just cause-”

“Nope,” Remy interrupted, holding a hand up with an expressionless gaze, “Don’t wanna hear it. I do not need unnecessary details in order to know with absolute certainty that you,” he pointed at Logan, “are overreacting-”

“HAH!”

“-and you,” Virgil’s victory was short lived as Remy’s finger shifted to point at him, “are underreacting.”

Virgil gasped indignantly as Logan started an angry “how DARE you-” rant. Remy sipped their tea and slowly swiveled their chair around until the teens were left arguing with their back. After a few minutes, Ali finally intervened and at least got them to argue more quietly until they finally let whateverthefuck they were going on about go and finally turned their attention back to Remy.

“Any new projects?” Virgil questioned as Logan draped himself across the tattoo chair in the center of Remy’s cubicle.

Remy hummed, “Not really. But I have a few consultations coming up, so maybe soon,” they tapped away at their computer, answering emails to confirm appointments and give price estimates.

Groaning, Virgil pouted, “So nothing for me?”

“Not today, gurl.”

“Uuuuuuuuugh…” he flopped dramatically on top of Logan, “now what?”

“I dunno,” Remy turned to raise an eyebrow at the pile of punks on his chair, “you’re teenage troublemakers. Go make trouble. Somewhere. Else.”

“Meh,” Logan replied, “We’ll just do homework here. We haven’t seen you in like a week.”

“Lucky you,” Remy replied without missing a beat.

“Remy nooooo,” Brett glanced up from the front desk, wide puppy eyes staring at the taller artist.

Cass’ voice was heard from the other side of the divider, “Aw great, now you’ve gone and summoned one of Brett’s positivity rants!”

“Why does no one follow the shop guidelines?” Brett asked, lip trembling as he held up the framed sign that lived on the front desk and pointed to item number four: “No Self Deprecation Allowed”

“It’s cute you think I follow rules.”

Remy continued going through their email, occasionally making notes in their calendar or sketchbook, ignoring Brett’s lecture or the giggling high schoolers behind them.

Things quieted down eventually, with the punks doing some homework assignments while the artists did their work. Remy waved casually when Logan and Virgil finally departed. Rafa emerged from the staff break room, sipping a soda and smiling as the door shut behind the high schoolers.

“Damn. Those kids really like you, Rems,” he commented fondly.

But Remy only shrugged, sipping their tea nonchalantly, “I was in the right place at the right time and they imprinted on me like baby ducklings.”

“Punklings,” Cass’ giggled from her station.

Remy snorted, but turned back to Rafa, “If you had been working that day then they’d be your ‘best friends’.”

Rafa exchanged a look with Brett before shaking his head sadly, “Eh. Agree to disagree.”

~~

Despite Remy constantly being late, they also had a tendency of staying late as well. Once they got caught up in a project they were loath to leave until it was finished. Plus, if they stayed late enough they could go straight from work to one of their favorite clubs.

As the artists finished closing up the shop, Remy sighed as their phone buzzed again. Reluctantly, they pulled the device from their pocket to glance at the messages. There were two missed calls and a text.

PopPicani: Hey kiddo! Sorry I keep missing you. You want to come over for dinner tomorrow? It’s been way too long! <3

“We’re grabbing some drinks from The Dubliner, you wanna come?”

Remy blinked in surprise as they were pulled from their thoughts. They weren’t sure why the group still asked. Every time their coworkers went out they invited Remy, and every time Remy answered the same way.

“Nah, I’m doing my own thing,” They adjusted their bag on their shoulder as they exited the building, raising a hand in farewell, “See you tomorrow.”

“Don’t forget, you have a consultation appointment in the morning!” Ali called after them, “10:30am! Don’t make them wait!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Remy responded nonchalantly, tapping away at their phone.

Sleepyhead: Sorry, been super busy lately. Maybe another time though. :) 

Pocketing the device, Remy pulled their sunglasses over their eyes, making their way into the nightlife. Alone as usual.

Just the way they liked it.

[hudson-finn]

I Think You Think Too Much of Me

Tagging: Finn & Rachel Location: Rachel’s Sorority House Notes: When Finn gets kicked out of his father’s house, he goes to the one person he still has.

Finn knew that it was going to happen eventually - him getting kicked out of his dad's house. He had been getting lazier and lazier with trying to hide his drug use and when we woke up from a daze to his dad ripping a needle of out his arm and packing his bags, he knew he had no place to go. He had tried to go to his mom's house but when she turned him away because of her boyfriend's kids, he didn't know where to turn. He didn't know where to go. The first place he found himself was at his dealers, him buying more bags of heroin before he went to the nearby bus station and crashed on one of the benches. A week went by of him spending his nights like that before he found himself growing desperate. He didn't know where to go, he was quickly running out of money he had swiped from his dad and he knew that he wasn't going to last long going the way he was. So, he managed to hitch a ride to Austin and when he found himself back in the familiar city, he couldn't help but feel strange. All he had to his name was some clothes and drugs in a duffel bag and other than that he had nothing. It didn't take long for him to find himself at the door of Rachel's sorority house and while he didn't even know if she was home, he knew that he needed to see her. They had spoken fairly regularly since she had showed up at his house and he knew she probably thought it was strange that he disappeared off the face of the earth for a week without saying anything to her. Finn bit down on his lip and let out a shaky breath before he knocked on the door. When a girl he didn't recognize opened the door, the smile on her face falling at the sight of him, he knew he probably looked like absolute shit. "Can I help you?" she asked, her tone definitely not inviting. "I um - is Rachel Berry here? I - I'm Finn. She's my friend and I just - um - is she here? Can I see her?"

Rachel had been so incredibly busy. She honestly didn't know where the time went. After rush week, she was getting a lot of events put together as part of her role on the executive board and she definitely was exhausted. She was so excited to welcome all of the new girls, but establishing rules of the house was definitely really hard. It was hard to figure things out, but she was so happy to be able to have the position she did. Rachel was laughing as she held onto her bottle of water, seeing some of the new girls finish up a sign for the event on Saturday that they were spending the day prepping for. Rachel looked over to Chloe and she offered her friend a slight smile. "It's nice, kind of. Being on the board. You get to just sit back and watch." She laughed, Chloe rolling her eyes playfully. "You have a point." The girl said, Rachel laughing before taking a sip of her water, moving over to the girls to help them attach something to their poster. When Rachel was speaking with the other girls, she stopped when she heard her name, looking back for a moment. "Rachel, someone's here for you. He looks like he's homeless, so I mean, I don't know if he's some weird stalker or whatever, but I can ask him to go. Or say that you're not here," The girl said, Rachel standing up and shrugging. "I can see who it is. I don't have a stalker," Rachel laughed, moving towards the door and immediately feeling her smile fade slightly as she saw Finn on the other side of the door. She really didn't even need to have an explanation to know what was going on. Moving over to him quickly, she moved to let him in, shutting the door behind him. "You can tell all of the other girls that Finn is always welcome inside here," Rachel said to the girl, her nodding quickly before moving off to give them a moment that they very clearly needed. "You look like shit," She breathed out, her hands moving to his cheeks for a moment as she went to look into his eyes. "I want to ask you what happened, but I don't... I don't know if I need to. Are you okay?"

Finn knew that Rachel told him that he could always stay with her but that didn't mean he felt good about it. He didn't want to be a burden on her but he also knew he was going to start really falling apart if he kept sleeping on benches at the bus station every night. He waited nervously as the girl who answered the door went off to get Rachel, him shifting back and forth on his feet. The second he saw her smile fade as she approached the door, he knew he really must have looked bad. When she quickly allowed him inside, her telling one of the girls that he was always welcome, he felt his heart swell with the adoration that he had for her. "I know," he breathed out when she said that he looked like shit, her hands moving to his cheeks. When she asked him if he was okay, he shook his head, him clenching his jaw as he tried to keep himself together. "My dad um - he kicked me out last week. I - I didn't want to come here. I was... I was sleeping at the bus station but I just - I know I'm gonna get worse not having a place," he breathed out. "I didn't know where else to go. I'm sorry. You're - you're doing something and I can - I can find somewhere to crash," he said quickly, feeling himself panic slightly. He didn't want this situation - his situation - to effect her because he knew that it wasn't easy and he knew that he was a mess she didn't deserve to deal with. "I'm sorry," he breathed out as he looked at her with sadness in his gaze.

Rachel felt horrible for Finn. She really didn't know what to do to make things better but she knew that she had to do something. When Finn told her that he got kicked out of his dad's house, she looked up at him sadly and sighed gently. "Finn, I told you that you could have called me when you got kicked out, and I meant that. I meant that my bed was open to you. I- I can't let you just run around the city looking for a place to stay. You can stay here," She told him, her looking at him and taking in a deep breath. "I'm never too busy for you, Finn. Please just.... just- you can stay here and you can clean up and then sleep in my bed. Just- hold on." She told him, her grabbing his hand for a moment before walking him towards the stairs. When she saw Chloe looking at her, clearly concerned, she bit down on her bottom lip for a moment. "Chloe, can you uhm... can you have the girls finish everything up and you text me when they're done so I can see it before they put it up? I'm gonna take Finn upstairs so he can get cleaned up and lay down and stuff," She said, her friend nodding. Rachel looked back to Finn and she offered him a small smile. "We can go to my room. I'll set you up to get a shower and we... we can talk. We can figure things out. Just... you shower and I can get you some food if you're hungry and we can chill in my room for a little bit. I'm just chilling around the house today so we can have some time together."

Finn nodded as Rachel spoke. "I know you said that I just - I didn't want you to have to deal with this," he said softly. When she grabbed his hand, he followed her toward the stairs, him shifting his gaze over to Chloe when Rachel spoke to her. He managed a small smile towards his other friend who returned it with a small one of her own before he brought his focus back to Rachel. "Okay. I... I am hungry. I haven't eaten since yesterday. And I'm sorry if I smell. I'm sorry that all those girls probably think I'm some psycho," he told her as he followed her towards her room. It was strange, he had been in this house with Rachel so many times before and yet it still felt so incredibly different. Everything felt different. The second they were in her room, he set his bag down gently before he turned to look into her mirror, his eyes widening at the sight of himself. He knew he had looked bad but for some reason seeing himself standing in Rachel's clean and tidy room and seeing himself was shocking in a way he couldn't explain. "Can I please shower?" he breathed out as he turned towards her. "I just - I feel really gross and I didn't realize how bad I looked. I - I haven't really looked at myself since I left." Finn felt so small, so weak and he knew he just wanted to clean himself off and forget about the past week. He knew in the grand scheme of things that he hadn't had it that bad but he also knew that for the first time he really had a taste of his life with nothing. He had a taste of what his life would be if he lost everyone he cared about and was left on his own. "I'm sorry again that I - I just showed up like that. I didn't have any way to contact you and I just needed to see you."

Rachel wished that she could say more or do more to help him, but she figured that starting with a shower was at least something she could give him. Once they were in her room, she shut the door slightly and looked at him. "Yeah, we can get you food as soon as you get cleaned up. I have a lot of stuff in the kitchen here, or we can postmates something." Rachel looked at him and could feel her heart breaking. She felt horrible that he was at this point and she wished that he had come to her the second that things had turned bad. The second he had gotten kicked out. "Yeah, you can shower. Of course you can shower." Rachel moved around her room slightly and grabbed a towel and some of her bath products that he could use. "Finn, it's fine. I wouldn't have expected you to do anything else. I mean, there's not many ways to contact me. And this is a different situation, you know? Don't worry. This is fine. Come on, I'll set you up with a shower. I share it with a few girls here, but take all of the time you need." Rachel opened her door and started to lead him there, her putting her towel down and her bath products down. "Just... take your time." She told him as she looked at him, her looking up at him. "Do you need anything else or are you okay? And oh- I- I have a razor here in case you want to shave, just... to clean up, you know?" She told him, her looking up into his eyes. "I'm really glad you came to me, Finn. I'm so happy that you're here." She paused for a moment, offering him a small smile. "And when you're done we can talk, okay? We can eat and then talk," She added at the end, knowing that she really was just so happy that he was here so that he could figure things out if he wanted to. And if not, she'd have to deal with it, but she also knew that she couldn't get any of her friends in any danger from him bringing shady people here to get drugs.

Finn grabbed a pair of sweatpants from his duffel bag and followed Rachel towards the bathroom, him watching as she set down the towel and bath products that she had brought for him. "I'm okay. Thank you, Rach. And I probably will shave a little," he said softly as he looked into her eyes. He could see how worried she was about him and he truly wished she didn't have to feel that way but he knew that he made it difficult for her not to when he put himself in the situations that he did. "I'm happy to be with you," he said softly, him trying his best to return her smile with one of his own. When she said that they could talk when he was finished he nodded. "Thank you, Rach. Thank you so much," he breathed out. The second he was on his own, he turned on the shower and stepped into the warm water, his eyes fluttering closed the second it hit his skin. He made sure to get himself cleaned up and once he shaved, he looked at himself in the mirror and was able to let out a breath. He looked better - he looked like Finn. While he still didn't feel like himself, he knew that he was just happy to be safe. To be with Rachel. He knew they were going to have a lot to talk about but he hoped that they'd figure out some kind of solution to all of this. Once he slipped on a clean pair of underwear and his sweatpants, he made his way back towards Rachel's bedroom. "I'm never gonna take a shower for granted again," he breathed out as he walked into her room, him offering her a small smile before he moved to sit down on the edge of her bed. "Thank you so much, Rach. I know I keep saying it but I really mean it. You - you letting me stay here tonight means so much to me," he said softly.

Rachel cleaned up her room slightly as she waited for Finn to come back into her room after his shower. She honestly felt like she was slightly in shock thinking that he was really here. She was surprised that he had really come here after so long, but she was so happy that he was reaching out to someone. Rachel fixed her pillows on her bed and she put away some of her laundry and her shoes on the floor, wanting to make sure that she had room for his things, not that he was carrying too much anyway. Plus, she wanted him to feel free to put things where he needed them. Rachel cleared one of her drawers for his clothes and once she sat on her bed and relaxed on her phone while she waited for him, she allowed herself to try and calm down. It was stupid to rush around especially when she was sure that he was going to take forever. Once Finn was back into her room, she smiled gently and watched him sit down on the edge of her bed. "Finn, you're welcome. Don't worry about it. And Finn, this isn't just for the night if you need more time. I have a full bed. I mean, it's not huge, but we can squeeze on here together and I- I have space in one drawer for you and I can make more room for you if you need it," She told him as she went to move closer to him. "Finn, if you need someone, let me help you, okay?" She whispered, looking at him. She sighed softly and rubbed his back gently. "I just- if you're going to stay here things need to be... different but- I just want you to feel safe and to feel comfortable. And uhm... while you were in the shower I grabbed you some snacks. They're on the dresser right there. But we can make some food downstairs in a little bit. I just want to talk to you for a little bit. I know it's only been a week since we talked but it feels like so long. And clearly, a lot has happened."

Finn looked at Rachel with a sad smile on his face as she spoke. "You made space in your drawer for me?" he asked her. He knew she cared about him but a part of him was honestly in a constant state of disbelief of just how much she cared. He looked down as she rubbed his back, him letting out a breath as he just focused on the fact that he was okay now. He was with Rachel and he was safe and that was all that mattered. "I know that - that things need to be different if I'm staying here. I - I know," he said softly. Finn turned to face Rachel fully before he slipped his arms around her waist, him tugging her to lay down on the bed with him as he buried his face in the crook of her neck for a moment. "I don't know what I did to deserve you in my life," he breathed out against her skin before he pulled away so he could look into her eyes. "You're like my angel, you know that?" Finn offered her a small smile before he pressed a kiss to her forehead, his lips lingering for a moment. "I want to stay like this but I really need food too," he said, him smiling at her for a moment before he grabbed some of the snacks she had laid out for him. He quickly moved back to the bed as he shoved some food in his mouth, him more than relieved to have something to eat. "I don't even know where to start when it comes to talking, Rach. I - I know we obviously have to talk about everything a-and about like... whatever rules you have for me. I'm just, I want to be fully honest with you because obviously in the past I haven't been and I don't want to lie to you ever again. I won't," he told her as he looked into her eyes before he ate a bit more of his food. "I don't want to take advantage of you or be like some... some weight on your shoulders this semester so I - I don't want to stay if you feel like that, okay? Please don't let me ever make you feel like that."

Rachel let a soft laugh escape her lips as Finn moved down to lay on the bed with her, his face hiding in her neck for a moment. She smiled as he spoke, her looking at him as he looked into her eyes. "Just by being you. I want to be in your life because of you," She said softly before laughing slightly as he pulled away to get some food. "We'll have actual food in a little, but I figure that it'll hold you over for a little bit until we actually eat. And if you haven't eaten too much, you don't want to eat too much too fast anyway." She went to sit up slightly as she looked over at him. "I don't want to call them... rules, I guess. I just- if this was my own place, I wouldn't care as much. But the school does still regulate this to a certain extent and I mean, I have a lot of girls here that I'm kind of in charge of and I don't want something bad to happen to them, you know?" She said, sighing gently. "You're not going to be a weight on my shoulders. I just- I can't have you bringing people... here. To... to get high. Like your dealers or whatever. I can't have that," She told him, looking into his eyes. "And I'm not asking you to be clean overnight but you can't be getting high every second of the day in this room, Finn. If you're going to be staying with me, you need to at least start trying to figure things out. I'm just- I'm worried about you," She whispered, looking into his eyes for a moment. "I- I am gone a lot because of classes or... sorority shit but... I'll be here a lot to be with you. But like you said, I just need you to be honest with me. You don't need to be telling me everything you're doing, but I just... need you to be open." She didn't want to be suffocating, but she needed them to be on the same page. "I want you to feel comfortable here, obviously. But just... try not to do anything in front of all of the other girls, I guess. You can grab food and use the house just like everyone else, just... obviously don't bring drugs out right in front of all of the girls, that's all. You can do what you want here."

Finn knew that Rachel felt responsible for the girls that were in her sorority and he certainly didn't want to make any of them feel uncomfortable. "I won't bring anyone here, I promise. I'd never want to make you or any of the girls here uncomfortable. That's - that's not what I want. That's not what I'm about." Finn knew this whole situation was going to be complicated and while Rachel told him that she didn't expect him to get clean overnight, a part of him knew that she was going to push for it. Of course he understood why but he also didn't think she understood just how difficult stopping was going to be. He was so deep in it and he knew that both his mind and body were totally hooked on the amazing numbness that heroin provided him. "You don't have to worry about me. I can take care of myself," he said softly. "I'm safe, you know? I don't take too much or... or anything like that. I'm careful," he said softly. He knew being careful using heroin wasn't really a think but he truly did feel as though he had some sort of control over it. "I promise you that I won't do or say anything in front of the other girls. They'll have no idea, you know? No idea," he said softly. Finn sighed as he looked down for a moment before he ran a hand through his damp hair. "I want to tell you that I'm going to stop but it's just - it's so hard. And I know you know that but I just don't think it's possible for me to explain unless you've been in this... this weird place that I'm in. I wouldn't want you to be in this, anyway." Finn bit down on his lip and looked down for a moment before he looked at Rachel, a small smile forming on his face as he met her gaze. "You're so perfect, Rach," he breathed out. "You're literally like... like the most amazing person I've ever met in my life and I don't understand why you care so much about someone like me but I... I love you for it, you know. I love you for everything you've done for me and I promise I'll pay you back for it all one day."

Rachel really didn't believe that Finn was being safe with using heroin because she didn't think that there was really such a thing, but she was just going to give him the benefit of the doubt. It seemed impossible to really get it through his head that he was in a bad place, but she was going to continue to try. "That's fine, I just- I don't think you would, I just know that you're not yourself when you're high and I just don't want you to do something stupid. And I- I know that you're good and you clean up after yourself most of the time and everything, so you'll be fine here." She smiled sadly as she looked at him and just nodded. "I know. I know that I can't really understand how you feel, but you need to get clean eventually. I'm not going to be up your ass about it, but you definitely do need to stop. You're basically killing yourself at this point." As he spoke again, she looked into his eyes and felt her heart swell in her chest. "You don't think enough of yourself, you know? You're so amazing and I see so much in you and I can tell you don't see it. Even when I first met you, you didn't take school that seriously and you just... you went to class but didn't pay attention. I know that you could do really great things. I care so much about you, Finn. I love how... how passionate you are and how sweet you are and I love how close we are. I just- I miss you sometimes and I know that you're right here next to me, but sometimes it feels like you aren't. And even though you being here is because of a really horrible reason, I just- I love that you're here. I love that we get to have some time together now because I feel like we haven't just had... time for us in so long. And maybe you need some time with people that really want to see you better and can help you be better. But I'm mostly really excited that I get to be here with you. We're gonna have to get really cozy with each other if we're gonna be comfortable in this bed, though." She said with a soft laugh, looking at him.

Finn nodded as Rachel spoke. "I will get clean, I promise. I will," he told her. He knew that he would stop eventually, he would, he just wasn't ready yet. He wasn't ready to face that journey when he truly felt that he still needed heroin in his life so desperately. As she started talking about him, Finn smiled softly as he looked down. "You're the only person that's ever said this kind of stuff to me. I just - I don't know. You amaze me. And I'm happy I'm here too. I missed you so much and I'm definitely looking forward to being here with you. Plus, I think we'll be pretty comfortable in bed together. It's not like we haven't done it before." Finn looked at her with a smile before he shifted on the bed slightly, him laying on his back as he looked up at the ceiling for a moment. "Do you have to finish what you were doing down there?" he asked her curiously. "Because if you do, that's fine. I just - I don't want to get in the way of what you had planned for the day or anything. I know you probably have some serious arts and crafts to get done. Or whatever sororities do when they're not partying," he said with a laugh as he looked at her. He really did feel lighter just being around Rachel and while he knew he wasn't happy by any means, he was happy to be with her. When they were together, he felt like he could breathe again and he knew that he needed her in his life desperately if he really was going to get clean at some point.

Rachel knew that Finn had a lot of potential and she wished that he could see it too. He always did so much and Rachel just wanted him to be happy again. "Yeah, I know. We've definitely been close to each other on this bed together, but it's gonna be nice. I mean, we're going to be together like every single day basically so I mean, it'll be nice." She was excited for it, honestly. She was excited to just have something to look forward to in the future -- being with Finn and enjoying her time with him. Well, hopefully. She hoped that he wasn't too out of it all of the time to where he couldn't even actually be with her. As he asked her about what she was doing downstairs, she shrugged. "Nah, I'm finished. I had Chloe step in for me. She's been helping me out a lot so it's been nice. I have a lot of shit to do so I've been leaning on her a lot. We're getting ready for some philanthropy event this weekend, so I'm having all of the new pledges make some banner to hang up. I think they can handle some hot glue and some paint," She said with a small laugh, a smile on her lips. "Do you want actual food?" She said, her offering him a small smile. "If you don't want to cook, we can... order some food or something and have it delivered. I don't know how... up to cooking you are but I have shit to make sandwiches and stuff." She offered, keeping close next to him on the bed. "I have the whole rest of the day to spend with you so we can do whatever you want. If you just want to chill out and relax and actually sleep on a nice bed, then we can just do that. Anything you want."

Finn looked at Rachel with a small smile on his face as she spoke. "I'm glad you have Chloe. She's a really good friend to you. And yeah, they can handle some paint and hot glue, I think." When she asked him if he wanted food, he couldn't help but laugh softly as he nodded. "I would love some actual food. And I don't care if we cook or order, I definitely need food as soon as possible because I'm starving," he told her. Finn definitely liked the sound of just being lazy with Rachel all day long, although, he couldn't deny that a part of him was nervous about them staying together. She had never seen him shoot up before. Sure, she had obviously been around him while he was high, but he had always tried his best to keep that world away from the little world he had when he was with her. He pressed a kiss to her forehead before he moved to sit up, him running a hand over his face for a moment. "Sorry, I'm just um, you know, thinking about... you know," he said softly. "I really want to spend time with you today and just be lazy with you but I'm also gonna start going crazy if I don't get high at some point too," he explained. Finn didn't want to lie to her when he was thinking about heroin. He just didn't want to lie to her at all anymore and while he knew it would scare her, he just had to be up front with her. "But let's focus on food for now," he said quickly. "I'm so hungry," he breathed out as he moved to stand up, his hand on his stomach as he looked over at Rachel with a small smile on his face. "Do I look okay now that I showered and shaved a little? I don't want to scare any of the other girls because the one who answered the door definitely thought I was some homeless dude trying to get money or something."

Rachel wasn't stupid. She knew that Finn would need something -- he wasn't sober and he definitely didn't have any plans to really get sober right now and she knew that it was stupid to think that he'd not use while he was staying here. "It's okay," She said softly, looking at him as he went to sit up. "You don't need to apologize. I get it. I mean... I understand that you need to. And I uhm... it's fine that you want to and that you have to. You can, obviously. Just... only in this room, that's all." Rachel wasn't really sure that she was prepared to see him getting high, but she knew that she had to. If Finn was going to be staying here, he couldn't be hiding things. "Let's just go downstairs," She said with a soft laugh as she moved to sit up. "I can get some stuff for sandwiches out of the fridge and we can just have something easy. And the girls will probably be happy to see that you're cleaned up. And they can see how hot you are," She teased, her moving to get up off of the bed as she looked at him. "Let's just get food and we can eat quickly and come back up here to spend some time together. And... you can do whatever you need to." Rachel went to open her door and she looked at him, smiling gently. "Come on, before I eat all of your food," She laughed as she started to walk down towards the kitchen, a smile on her lips. She honestly was just incredibly happy to be here with him, especially after so long of being apart from him and she couldn't wait to finally be close to him once again.

Finn nodded when Rachel told him that he could only get high in her room. He knew that he wasn't going to dare do anything outside of her bedroom because the last thing he wanted was to get her in trouble or have any of the other girls know what was going on. Only him, Rachel and Chloe knew that he was using and he preferred to keep it that way. When she moved to sit up, he smiled and nodded at her mention of getting to have something easy to eat. "I mean, you're not wrong there," he said teasingly when she told him that the girls could see how hot he was. "I'm more concerned with you seeing how hot I am though." Finn looked at Rachel with affection in his gaze as he followed her out of her room and towards the kitchen. She looked so happy and it made him happy to see her that way. To know that she was actually happy that he was around. With everyone else he truly felt like him being around was just a massive burden and he was so relieved to have Rachel in his life because he truly didn't know where he'd be without her. "It's weird. Only a few months ago we were hanging out in here all the time and it feels like a whole lifetime ago," he breathed out as he leaned against the counter once they were in the kitchen. "How's your semester been so far?" he asked, knowing that he just wanted to hear about how she had been since he truly felt like when they talked they were always so focused on his well-being. "You been going to any good parties?"

Rachel looked at Finn as he leaned against the counter, her offering him a small smile. "Yeah, I know. It really does feel like a lifetime ago. And I mean, in college terms, a few months really is a lifetime ago. I mean, a lot has happened, you know?" As Rachel moved around the kitchen to grab some stuff to make sandwiches, she was honestly just so grateful that Finn was safe and that he was here. She was so happy that he had come to her and that honestly meant more than anything. "My semester's been going okay," Rachel said, grabbing a couple of water bottles from the fridge before handing one to him. "I mean, I'm busy. As you can see. We had elections and now I'm president so my mom is thrilled," She laughed gently, beginning to make the two of them some sandwiches. "My mom was like the star of Delta Gamma back in her day, so she's excited that I'm filling her shoes. But other than that, classes are going really well. I've been trying to stay on top of things, but it's hard. I've been pulling all nighters and stuff. The only reason you don't see dark circles under my eyes is because I definitely perfected the craft of makeup," She said teasingly as she looked back at him. "And as for parties, I mean, I haven't really been going out. I've held some parties here for the beginning of the semester and I went to a couple with uhm... with Ethan, but that's it, really. It's been pretty tame. I'm tired of partying and stuff, anyway. I had my go at it and I still enjoy getting a little drunk with my friends, but I'm tired of the whole party scene." Once she finished up their sandwiches, she put a few chips on the side before handing a plate to Finn. "A part of me wishes that I didn't take on so much, but I like being busy. It helps keep me focused. I've had a few mental breakdowns of me crying in my room a couple of times, but you know... that's college." She said, a slight smile on her face. "Uh, do you want to eat down here? We can go into the dining room. We only have huge tables, but you know, we have to feed like... over fifty girls," She said with a soft laugh before leading him towards the dining room.

Finn raised his eyebrows when Rachel told him that she was the president of her sorority. "What? You're president? Look at you, killing it over here," he said with a soft laugh. He was proud of her for doing so well and he truly didn't know how she did it. She did insanely well in school, was the president of her sorority and still managed to have a social life. Plus, now she was stuck worrying about him and he couldn't help but feel bad. God, he just didn't want to be a burden on her. He really didn't. "Well, you look amazing. And I'm really proud of you for doing so great," he said softly. As she told him how she had been to parties - with Ethan, he bit down on the inside of his cheek. He knew that she had every right to hang out with Ethan but he couldn't help but feel jealous. At this point, he knew he had strong feelings for Rachel whether he liked it or not and while he knew that he had to figure himself out first, that wasn't going to make his feelings go away. "I mean, the party scene isn't for everyone. Even I stopped with it," he told her, him offering a small smile as she handed him a plate. "I guess that's college. I took the complete opposite approach and did nothing until I had a mental break down in a different way," he said with a laugh, him nodding when she asked if he wanted to eat downstairs. He followed her towards the dining room before he took a seat, a sigh escaping his lips as he stared down at his sandwich for a moment before he looked back to Rachel. "Hey Rach?" he asked her softly as his gaze met hers. "Are you and that Ethan guy... are you together?" A part of him knew that he had no right to ask that question but another part of him was just so curious. He needed to know if she was with Ethan. He needed to know if there was ever going to be hope for him one day and even though he knew he didn't deserve it, it didn't stop him from wanting it.

Rachel couldn't wait to just start to be spending more time with Finn. Obviously, it wasn't for the best reason, but she was still happy to spend time with him. It was so horrible that he was still dealing with everything he was and she wished that she had a solution for him. She wished that she could just snap her fingers and have him be fine. However, that wasn't the case. A part of her wished that she was never in the party scene and just never got Finn involved with more of what he was. However, she knew that she was thinking too far into it -- if she knew him or not, she knew that he would still most likely have gotten himself into the same situation with how crazy he had been getting. Rachel continued to eat as she kept quiet for a moment, just trying to relax with him and enjoy a normal meal with him where they weren't fighting or weren't having some random problems. As he asked her about Ethan, she looked up at him and sighed softly. "I mean... no. I know you want to hear me say no, and the answer really is no. I just- he's convenient, I guess. Like, we're not together and I wouldn't even say that we're really... talking or whatever. We just hang out because he's in our brother frat and stuff so we go to parties together and stuff, that's all. We hang out on campus and stuff but we're not... together." She said, her looking into his eyes for a moment. "I'm not really into him as much as I was before, I guess. We have fun or whatever but there's no connection, really." She paused for a moment before taking another bite of her food. "Like... I don't know. I don't want to be cheesy or whatever but you make me laugh and I have a good time with you and it's not... forced or anything and I just don't really have to think about it. I mean, the moment we met we were fucking crazy," She laughed, looking at him with a smile. "It's confusing, I guess. But I'm just... seeing what happens with everything. You don't need to be jealous," She said with a soft smirk, taking another small bite of her sandwich. "And I mean, Finn, you're kind of going to be sleeping in my bed every night, so I think you have a pretty good position."

Finn could feel himself relax slightly when Rachel told him that her and Ethan weren't together. He knew that he had no right to feel any type of way about it but he did and he knew that his feelings for Rachel were strong whether he liked it or not. "I mean, it's not that I want to hear you say no because if he made you happy or whatever, I'm happy for you. But, I mean, I'm not mad that you're saying no," he said softly as he looked into her eyes before he took another bite of his sandwich. When she told him that he made her laugh and that she had a good time with him, he looked at her with a small smile on his face. "I'm not jealous. I'm just... not a fan of Ethan," he told her, knowing for a fact that he was absolutely jealous. "And I know I'm sleeping in your bed but it's not really like it was, is it? I mean, I'm not that guy that you were talking about anymore, you know. I don't think I've made you happy in a long time." Finn sighed softly before he finished off the rest of his sandwich and moved to rest his elbow on the table, him leaning against his hand as he looked at her. "Sorry, I'm not trying to be super depressing or whatever. I'm just not in a good head space. I mean, obviously." Before he could say anything else, Chloe walked into the dining room and he offered her a small smile as she looked at them both hesitantly. "Hey Chloe," he greeted as she moved over to him and leaned down to give him a small hug. "Hi Finn. I missed you," she said softly. "I know you two are talking and I'm not trying to interrupt but is everything alright? Last week Jamie got a call from your mom freaking out that you were homeless and no one could get in touch with you and suddenly you're here. What's going on?" Finn sighed as he looked at his friend before he looked down at the table. "Um, I'm gonna stay here with Rachel for a little bit. I - I don't know how long. I mean, I know I have to figure something else out and I will but I... I'm just going to stay here for now. Is that... is that okay?" he asked her. Finn knew that Chloe and Jamie had both been frustrated with him from the moment he started using and while his friends obviously tried to help him out, he could tell by the way she was looking at him and Rachel that she wasn't too happy about the situation.

Rachel looked at Finn sadly and just offered him a small smile. "You do make me happy, Finn. I just- I'm sad because we're always apart and you're always putting yourself down. I just- you do make me so happy. And honestly? Finn, it makes me so happy to know that you came here to me. That you're safe here." She honestly didn't know how to express what she was feeling but she wanted him to know that he always made her happy. "It can be like before. I mean, I feel different about us, not not in a bad way, you know? It's a good way. After going to your house, I just- I don't know. Honestly, I'm just so happy that you're here," She told him, smiling gently. When Rachel saw Chloe walk over, she sat up a little straighter in her chair while she looked over at her friend. She really didn't want her to interrogate Finn, but she obviously had a right to know what was going on. As Finn asked Chloe if it was okay, she saw the girl's expression and Rachel immediately spoke up. "Chloe, can we talk for a second?" She asked softly, getting up and pulling Chloe into the kitchen to get a little bit away from Finn. "You're really going to just... let him live here with you? Get high in your room? You can't spend every second being worried about him." Chloe said, Rachel sighing and looking away for a moment. "Look, I-" "I know you care about him and shit, but you need to think about yourself, too." Rachel knew where her friend was coming from, but Rachel also knew that she couldn't give up on Finn. "I do care about him. And it's fine. I can't just let him go back onto the street, Chloe. He was living on some bench for like a fucking week. Him being here... it's fine. I promise it'll be fine. If he's here, I just- I know he's safer than anywhere else and he knows he has people who care. Just please... please try and support him. He's just so lost and confused and I want to try and help him figure it out. Please just support me on this. If it gets bad... we can talk again. Okay?" Chloe sighed, nodding. "Okay." "Okay, cool. Just... be cool about this." She said before she started to walk back to Finn, her moving behind his chair and wrapping her arms around his chest teasingly. "Are you full now?" She whispered gently, a soft laugh escaping her lips. "If not, I have more food in my room."

Finn could tell that Chloe wasn't happy that he was there and he knew she had every right to feel that way. The last time they had seen each other was when his parents had been moving him out of his and Jamie's apartment and she saw him at one of his lowest points. He knew she probably had a negative view of him in her head but he really hoped that somehow he could convince her that he wouldn't be a huge problem in the house. As Rachel pulled Chloe into the kitchen, Finn closed his eyes and leaned his head in his hands as his elbows rested on the table. He was trying to stay positive somehow but he knew it just wasn't really possible. He didn't know how long Rachel was going to deal with him but he knew that once he managed to fuck this situation up that he would be right back on the street. He pulled his head out of his hands and stared down at his empty plate until he was brought out of his thoughts when Rachel slipped her arms around him. Finn moved one hand up to rest over hers on his chest for a moment before he smiled softly. "I mean, I'm never full but I feel good now," he said as he turned to face her slightly before he got out of his chair. Finn slipped his arms around Rachel's waist and tugged her close to him as he looked down at her, a small smile pulling up at the corner of his lips. "Everything alright?" he asked softly. Finn knew that Rachel could probably convince Chloe to let him stay. That was her best friend, after all. However, he also wasn't sure if Rachel should have the faith in him that she did. He loved that she did, of course, but he knew that he was going to end up letting her down just like he had in the past. "Can we um... can we go back upstairs?" he asked her, knowing that he just wanted to be alone with her. He just wanted to forget the rest of the world existed for a little while.

Rachel wanted to be able to tell Finn the right thing to turn his mood around. Rachel wanted her support to help him as much as possible, but she knew it wasn't realistic. When Finn got out of his chair, she smiled up at him and looked into his eyes, wrapping her arms slightly around his neck while he moved his arms around her waist. "Yeah, everything is perfect," She promised him. It wasn't perfect, really. But she wanted Finn here and she'd do anything to convince everyone that things were fine and that he could stay and be fine here. Rachel really wanted things to be perfect for him and she knew that she was going to do everything possible to make sure he was comfortable and safe. "Of course we can go back upstairs." Rachel moved her hands down his chest for a moment before pulling away from him and going to grab his hand. She went to grab his hand, intertwining her fingers with his before looking to meet his gaze. "Come on," She murmured softly, her going to pull him up towards her room again. "I promise you that everything is okay, alright? No one will give you problems from being here. And if they do, I'll fuck them up," She teased gently before reaching her room and opening the door before closing it behind them. "I know that this is random, but if you have laundry or whatever, I'm gonna do laundry tomorrow so I can wash some of your stuff," She said before moving to sit on her bed, resting against the headboard. "I missed you being in here with me. It was always so nice to have you here. I slept so good all of the time." A small smile rose on her lips before she took in a deep breath. "I know that you're... not okay, but... are you okay with this? I know you're thankful for being here but if something I'm doing is making you uncomfortable or someone else makes you uncomfortable please just... let me know."

Finn knew Rachel wasn't telling the truth when she said that everything was perfect but he wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe that things were going to be okay somehow. When she moved her hands down his chest for a moment before taking his hand in hers, he couldn't help but smile softly. She was good for him. So, so good for him and he just wanted to spend all his time focusing on her because nothing could be bad when Rachel was involved. "You're going to fuck them up, huh? I gotta see that," he said with a soft laugh as they walked into her room together. He felt a bit better the moment he was alone with her and when she started talking about laundry, he offered her a small smile. "I mean, I do have some laundry. I could only really bring what fit in the bag and it's kind of all, you know, mostly dirty clothes by now," he told her, his gaze on her as she moved to sit on her bed. When she told him that she had missed him being there with her, he smiled softly as he moved over to the bed, him laying down next to her. "I'm okay with this if you're okay with this," he told her. "You don't - you could never make me uncomfortable. And trust me, I'm not worried about anyone making me uncomfortable. I just... I don't want to make anyone here uncomfortable and I don't want to start problems for you because you have me here." Finn sighed before he rested his head in Rachel's lap, him closing his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face against her stomach for a moment. "I just missed you," he breathed out against her before he pulled away slightly, him looking up at her and a sigh escaping his lips. Finn moved to sit up, him facing Rachel and looking into her eyes before he shifted his gaze downwards once more. "I need you to promise me that if you're uncomfortable or stressed out because of me that you'll tell me, okay? Because if I'm bad for you, I'm going to leave, Rachel. I - I promise that I will be honest with you with what I'm thinking and doing but I need you to promise me. I need you to promise you'll tell me if you need me to go," he said, knowing that he just needed her to stop protecting him and protect herself from him if that was what things came to.

Rachel knew that things were definitely going to be interesting now. Now, she knew that she wouldn't be alone in here and it would be weird to adjust to sleeping next to someone. She wasn't going to be used to sleeping next to someone every night for a while, but she definitely knew that she'd love getting to wake up next to Finn. It wasn't the same Finn that she knew before, but she knew that he was in there somewhere behind this disguise he had on. As Finn moved onto the bed, she kept a small smile on her lips as she looked at him. "I'm definitely okay with this. Finn, you'll be fine. No one is going to be uncomfortable. Most of the time, you're going to be with me and I- I know that everyone is going to be fine," She said, her watching as he went to lay his head in her lap for a moment. She could feel her heart swell in her chest as she looked down at him, her hand moving to run through his hair slightly. Honestly, she never wanted to trade this for anything. She loved being with him and she just wanted more than anything for her and Finn to have something normal. She wanted to just give Finn a normal life. Rachel removed her hand from his hair as he went to sit up and look into her eyes. She didn't want to say yes, but she nodded gently, moving to meet his gaze again. "I will be honest with you. I'll tell you. But I- I'm not going to want you to go." She paused, her moving to take one of his hands in hers. "I want you here. I want to be that person to... to help you. And to support you even when no one else does. I know you don't have a lot of those people and I know that you need them. I can see how you are right now. And you're not yourself. Not just because of the drugs. You just... aren't you. And I- I want to be there for you. I told you at your dad's house that I cared about you and that I wanted to be there for you and help you. I didn't change that. I cried in front of you for forever that day. And I wasn't lying when I said all that." Rachel smiled sadly as she continued to look at him. "You're always welcome here. You're always welcome in this house and in my bed and in my life. I mean that. Finn, I just- I can't let you go again because I'm afraid I'll never have any part of you ever again."

Finn knew Rachel wouldn't want him to leave even if he was effecting her negatively. He knew how they felt about each other and he would obviously be the same way with her but he knew that he couldn't be a negative person in her life anymore. He wasn't going to let that happen anymore. "I know you won't want me to go but if I'm hurting you, I have to," he said softly as he looked into her eyes. When she took his hand hers, he laced their fingers together and he looked down sadly when she told him that she wanted to be the person to help him. "I just don't know if I can be helped," he told her. As she continued to speak, telling him that he was always welcome in this house, her bed and her life, he looked at her with affection in his gaze. "I'm so scared I'm going to hurt you, Rachel," he breathed out. "I know you meant every word that you said and that's what freaks me out, you know? I know you'll always be there for me. I know that you'll do whatever you can to help me and it scares the hell out of me when I need you to do what's best for you. I just - I don't want you to hurt yourself in the process of trying to help me. I promise, I'm not worth you losing every amazing thing you have going for you." Finn sighed softly as he looked down before he brought his gaze back to meet Rachel's. "I want to get high right now," he told her. "Even though I'm sitting here with you a-and I know it's wrong and I know you don't want me to, I still want it so badly," he said softly. "And I can't just stop, Rach. Even when I really do start trying, it's not just... it's not just over after that. I was clean for two weeks and I felt like I was dying. I was so sick... I couldn't stop throwing up or having the chills and everything just hurt." Finn looked at her with sadness in his gaze before he moved his hand from hers as he looked down. "I don't want you to get your hopes up and get hurt because of me. A part of me doesn't want you to get attached to me more than you already are because I don't know if I - I don't know if I'll make it through this."

Rachel hated how Finn was always so down on himself. Finn always said that she shouldn't waste her time on him and she just didn't understand. She wished that he could just see that she wanted to help him and she didn't care about him being down. It wasn't like he was taking advantage of her -- she wanted to help. He was in a bad place and he just couldn't see all of that sometimes. "You're not going to hurt me," She told him, her looking at him and offering him a small smile. She knew that he could hurt her and that if something horrible happened to him, she'd be absolutely devastated. However, she wasn't going to stop helping him because she was scared. "I get that you want to protect me from all the shit you're doing but I'm not stupid. I'm going to... to see all of this shit that you're doing and I just- I don't want you to be scared of hurting me. And listen, I just- if you want to get high, then that's on you, Finn. I told you that you could do whatever you wanted." Rachel didn't want him to feel like he had to listen to her rules -- she just wanted him to live his normal life. She just felt so much better that he was here and at least safer than being on the streets. "Finn, you keep saying all of this shit to me and you know that I don't care. Look, if you're going to hurt me, that's my problem in the end. And like I said at your dad's house all of that time ago, I just- I don't understand why you keep telling me that you're bad for me. If you are, so what, alright? It's my decision to keep seeing you and I don't know why you're pushing people away who give a fuck about you, Finn. I care about you. And you're gonna just have to accept that, alright?" She said, looking at him and crossing her arms over her chest after he let go of her hand. "You're here and I'm here and we just... we know that we're good together and that's just... all I'm saying, I guess. You're here and I'm just here to be there for you. I'm not going to force you to do anything. I just want you to have a roof over your head and for you to have someone who cares about you, okay? Please. Stop trying to push me away because I'm not going anywhere."

Finn didn't want to hurt Rachel and he knew he was going to. He did't trust himself to do the right thing and a part of him truly didn't know if he was ever going to get clean. While a part of him knew that he had to get clean if he wanted to have any actual future with Rachel or in life, he also didn't exactly want to. Despite how bad it was for him, he liked getting high. He liked not feeling anything and he loved the escape that heroin provided him. From the first moment he shot up, he had never felt anything like it and it wasn't just something that he was going to simply give up. It just wasn't that easy. When she told him that she cared about him and that he was going to have to accept that, he smiled sadly as he looked into her eyes, watching as she crossed her arms over her chest. He bit down on his lip as she spoke, his eyes on hers and when she told him that she wasn't going anywhere, he was pretty sure he had never felt more affection towards anyone in his life than he did towards her. "I - okay. I'll stop," he said softly. "You're the most stubborn person I've ever met in my life, you know that?" Finn couldn't help but smile as he looked at her and he knew it was the first genuine smile that had been on his face in a long time. "Look how serious you are right now with your arms crossed. I feel like I was in trouble," he said with a laugh. Finn smiled at her once more before he looked down at his hands, a soft sigh escaping his lips. "I never really wanted you to see me shoot up but I um... I know I obviously can't control that now." Finn bit down on his lip before he got up from her bed. While she had obviously seen him high plenty of times, she had never witnessed him actually getting high and while he didn't want her to see it, he knew there was really no other option at this point. He moved over to his bag before he dug out two tiny bags of heroin and everything he needed. "I try and um... I try and get high before I go to sleep because I can kind of function, you know? I just go to sleep and then I wake up and get high and I kind of have the day to be normal. I just have to keep it at least two times a day otherwise I start getting withdrawals," he explained to her as he dumped the heroin onto the foil he had with him, him flicking on his lighter as he melted it down before he poured it carefully into the needle. "I promise, I'm gonna try my best to... to keep up with that so I'm not like... a fucking mess when everyone else is around. I'll keep it in here and then during the day I'll be sober," he said softly. He hated that he was bringing this into her life but he knew if she wanted him to leave, that she would have told him to leave by now.

Rachel wished that Finn didn't have to keep telling her that she was getting herself into a bad situation. She did understand, though. She knew what she was getting herself into, but at the same time, she also didn't know. Sometimes, he terrified her but other times she didn't want anything other than him. She wanted to take all of the problems that he had and figure them out for him. However, she knew that wasn't exactly realistic. Rachel chuckled softly at his words, her looking at him as she sat against the headboard. "Mm, yeah. I am pretty stubborn. You should know that. You're going to get used to it, though." Rachel wasn't exactly sure how they were going to be right next to each other every second of the day and night, but she was sure that it would be interesting. Rachel just stayed silent as she watched him move over to his bag, seeing him grab things out of it. Rachel really hadn't ever seen him shoot up, though she'd done a variety of other things with him before. But this was something she knew she wasn't prepared for but she would be getting used to. She wished he could just stop, but she understood that it was unrealistic for him to just stop and never look back. She understood addiction but she just wished that he could at least try to stop. Rachel looked down for a moment before moving to look back at him. "Yeah. I just- I mean, no one is ever going to come in this room, so... you don't need to feel weird about not showing your face all day, you know? If you just... need to be in here, that's fine. I really don't want you to be an absolute mess all day and we can just... do things together, you know? The you that you were a few months ago was just... not cool. You were so angry and... and we were always fighting and now that you're here we can just actually have some time together if you ever feel up to it." She paused for a moment before sighing. "I know that I've never been with you when you've been like this, but I- I want to know what it's like for you. It's weird and kind of scary but I just kind of want to know, in a weird way."

Finn nodded as Rachel spoke. "I don't want them to know I'm getting high. I just - I don't want them to know. Obviously Chloe knows and you know but... I'm not going to get you in trouble or make them feel uncomfortable, okay? Just - please don't tell them, okay? I promise I'm going to hide it and if that means staying in here most of the day, that's fine. That's what I did at my dad's house anyway. I just... I was just there all day long getting high while he was at work so that I'd be normal by the time he got home. As for me being angry... I'm not gonna be like that anymore. I was just... I don't know, trying to push you away, I guess. All of this would be a lot easier if you all hated me," he said softly. When she told him that she wanted to know what it was like for him, Finn looked away from the needle as he looked into her eyes. "It's not weird. I get it. I mean, I gave up everything for it, right? Of course you'd want to know what the fuck it does for me that made me do this," he said softly. "When I first started I was doing coke with it too but I can't afford it anymore," he told her. Finn sighed as he looked down at his arm, him making his hand into a fist and tensing as he tried to find his vein. "This vein is done already. It won't take, so I moved to another one," he explained to her. He knew to most people it would be morbid, the way he was speaking to her, but he knew that she just wanted him to be honest. She didn't want him to hide from her anymore so, he was done hiding. If she wanted to know what was going on with him and what was happening in his life, he was going to let her in and he was going to make sure he straight up with her. "So I just... I just squeeze my hand and... and do it," he explained to her before he pressed the needle into his skin, him pressing it down so the drugs entered his body. Finn tugged the needle from his arm once it was empty and set it down on the bed next to him, his whole body relaxing as he felt the start of the high wash over him. "It's the best part here," he whispered, his words beginning to slur as he hunched over on the bed. "It all um... it all stops. The world stops and you - you're okay," he mumbled, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment before they opened, him struggling to hold himself up as he looked at Rachel.

Rachel really didn't know how to react to all of this. It wasn't like she was exactly prepared to watch Finn get high right in front of her, but she figured it had to happen eventually. A part of Rachel really wanted to look away. She wanted to forget about this all and never have to think about Finn getting high ever again. However, she knew that this was at least a part of her life now because he was a part of her life and she wasn't going to let him go away. Rachel really didn't want him to continue to do this and continue to act like this, but she had already begged him to stop enough times -- it needed to be on him to stop because he clearly didn't want to stop. Rachel just looked at him as he spoke to her, Rachel biting down on the inside of her cheek for a moment. She honestly didn't even know how she didn't wince when she saw the needle disappear slightly under her skin, but she just felt like everything was moving in slow motion and like she was numb. It was really strange, honestly. How her life had turned into this from just a few parties with Finn. She watched hims set the needle down on the bed next to him and she just watched him for a moment before she felt her heart ache slightly in her chest. She didn't know how he was doing this -- how he was ruining his life like this. However, almost instantly, she could tell how much the drugs were affecting him. When she watched him hung over slightly, she tried to help him into his original position, her holding onto him gently and running her hand along his arm gently. She looked into his eyes for a moment before she moved her hand to his cheek and cupped it gently for a moment. She really didn't know what to say because she really didn't think that there was anything to say at all. However, she could feel so many words on the tip of her tongue that she wanted to say but she just couldn't. "You scare the hell out of me sometimes," She whispered after a long while of just looking at him, her words barely leaving her lips. She wasn't even sure if she actually spoke it because she just felt so incredibly confused and conflicted about everything. Rachel leaned against him slightly and she felt a solemn feeling completely wash over her. "I know I've been with you when you were high a lot of times, but I- I don't think I'll ever get used to it." Rachel ran her hand over his arm again before looking down at his chest. Obviously, Finn had done this an incredible amount of times, but it didn't mean that she wasn't going to be terrified of something happening to him now.

Finn didn't necessarily want Rachel to see him get high but he knew that they reached a point where that was what was going to happen. He was staying with her and he wasn't going to stop so she was going to see him shoot up eventually. He'd rather it be with her knowing and him explaining everything than her walking in on him randomly doing it. After the drugs were in his system, the hit him hard and while he knew he probably had taken a bit more than he should have, he loved the feeling more than anything. He loved pushing his body because the more he could take, the better he felt. He knew it was wrong and he knew he could die. Hell, it wasn't like everyone didn't remind him of that every second of the day. But he didn't care. God, he just didn't care anymore. If all he had left of his life was the rush he got from heroin, he figured it was better than nothing. But then there was Rachel. As she helped him sit up slightly and cupped his cheek in her hand, he blinked slowly as he looked at her with unfocused eyes. "I know," he breathed out in response to her words, his own words feeling heavy on his tongue. He knew that he scared her and it was part of the reason why he had been trying so hard to avoid her. He had been trying so hard not to put her in this situation with him. When she leaned against him, he let his eyes slip shut for a moment. Everything felt so heavy and while his mind was usually silent and at peace every time he was high, this time was different. This time he could only think of Rachel. "I don't wanna do this to you," he breathed out, his hand moving to rest on her leg as he sat beside her. "I'm sorry," he told her. Finn knew he had apologized too many times to count. He knew she didn't want him to keep saying it but he couldn't help it. He was sorry. It effected her even if she acted like it didn't and he just wanted her to know he was sorry even if he didn't seem to know how to show it. "I think I'm gonna die like this," he whispered. Finn's eyes fluttered open for a moment, his gaze on his hand on her leg before they slipped shut once again, him starting to hunch forward once more.

Rachel had been around Finn when he was high plenty of times. However, she still had never really been around him when he was quite like this. Rachel just looked at Finn as he sat next to her, making sure to keep close to him. She doubted that he was really fully here right now, but she was just happy to see him and to know that he was here with her. "Don't apologize," She breathed out, feeling his hand move to rest on her leg. "You don't need to apologize. It's okay." It really wasn't fine like she kept saying it was, but what was she supposed to say? It wasn't her life. She couldn't control what he did. All he could do was hope that he'd stop one day and that he'd be able to live a normal life. "Hey... hey," She breathed out, her moving over to him and helping him lean back slightly so he wouldn't fall over. She knew that if he fell over or fell onto his side, she really wouldn't be able to pick him up or move him because she just didn't have the strength. "Don't talk like that." She really didn't want him to always be negative, especially since she knew that she'd start to get in a worse mood right with him if it kept continuing. Rachel moved to rest one hand over the one that he had on her leg, gripping onto it gently. Leaning over close to him, she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, her lips lingering against his skin for a moment. A part of her wished that things would change overnight, but she knew that it wasn't exactly possible. Things changing that quickly just weren't possible when Finn was like this. "You're fine," She said softly, her rubbing her hand over his before she just rested her head against his shoulder. Closing her eyes, Rachel took in a deep breath and let it out softly, concentrating on his chest that was rising and falling slowly. "How are you feeling?" She asked him, concentrating on the movement of his chest.

Finn opened his eyes when he felt Rachel help him sit up properly again. He was barely aware of anything other than how heavy he felt and his hand on Rachel's leg. When she told him not to talk negatively, he just nodded from where he was seated beside her. The second she pressed her lips to his cheek, he turned his head to look at her, him just nodding when she said that he was fine. Finn knew that this wasn't good. He knew getting high was slowly killing him but as much as he wanted to stop, he also couldn't. "I feel okay," he told her. "It... this shuts off the bad stuff," he told her, his words slurring together slightly. "I don't have to think when I... when I'm high." Finn managed a small smile as he sat with Rachel, his eyes shut as he just focused on feeling good with her by his side. He wasn't sure how much time passed where they stayed like that but when he felt himself gaining a bit more control, he knew he was okay. The initial hit was always the most intense part and while he was absolutely still high, his brain was gaining back the ability to speak and seem like he was functioning just fine. "Fuck," he breathed out, him turning his head slightly to look at Rachel, him taking her hand gently in his. "I'm alright," he whispered softly. "I feel good now," he told her. "It just... it really hits you at first but then you feel good once you... once you adjust," he explained before he moved to lay down on the bed, a small smile on his face as he closed his eyes.

Rachel was just trying to enjoy Finn so she didn't feel horrible about this entire situation. Rachel trusted Finn, she did. But she didn't trust him to not make horrible decisions like this. Honestly, she just felt like she needed to let him do his own thing, but she also felt terrible because she couldn't do anything. This was Finn's life and she just needed to push him in the right direction to help him as much as possible. Rachel didn't dare say anything else as she sat with Finn, not wanting to ruin whatever he was feeling. She just wanted him to feel what he always felt and she didn't want to be a burden like she sometimes felt she was. Once he turned his head slightly, she moved slightly against the headboard, her turning her head to look over at him. "Okay," She breathed out softly, her looking at him as he went to lay down on the bed. She stayed sitting up for a moment as she looked down at him, her sighing softly. She didn't want to say she was scared. A part of her wasn't, but this was all incredibly new to her. Rachel had her crazy time in her life -- she spent entire days getting high and partying but she had never experienced anything like this. Rachel went to lay down with him for a moment and she let out a soft breath. She stared at him for a moment, trying to just memorize his face for a moment. "I know I said it before but I- I'm so glad that you're here," She whispered softly, her biting down on her bottom lip gently. Rachel had never experienced anything like he was feeling and a part of her never really wanted to especially after seeing how Finn was right in front of her. "And I'm glad you feel somewhat normal now."

Finn just let himself focus on the high that he was feeling and he knew this moment was exactly why he couldn't just stop. He loved being high. He loved feeling the euphoria and numbness that heroin game him. The drugs shut off the doubts in his brain. They made him not think about the fact that he had fucked up his life so badly and he knew that he just wanted to stay this way forever sometimes. When he was sober, he was depressed and he just wanted to escape that in any way he could. Even something as dangerous as heroin. When Rachel told him that she was glad he was there, he opened his eyes and looked at her with a small smile on his face. "I'm happy I'm here too. I missed you a lot. I don't like not being with you, you know? You're like... you're my person," he told her. "I feel better than normal," he whispered. "Normal isn't good. This is good, I promise." Finn looked up at her and met her gaze before he moved his hand up to brush his fingers against her cheek. "You're so fucking beautiful." Finn smiled at her once more before he let his hand fall back down to his side. "I wish you were my girlfriend, you know? But I know you can't be," he said softly. "Maybe one day." Finn wasn't sure if it would happen because he knew that meant he would have to give up the drugs but he certainly hoped that he would be strong enough. He looked up at her once more before his eyes fluttered closed, him feeling a wave of exhaustion roll over him. "I think that one day... one day we'll um... we'll be okay. We'll be..." his voice drifted off as he fell into a light sleep, his body relaxing as he laid beside Rachel.

Rachel didn't know how Finn could do this every single day and act like nothing was wrong, but she also knew that Finn wasn't exactly Finn right now. All his body wanted was the drugs and he really didn't have much say to try and change that desire. As he moved his fingers to brush against her cheek, she smiled gently as she looked at him and sighed contently. While Finn was high, it was still the Finn she knew. She still cared about her and he still wanted to be close to her and she loved that she still got to do that. Hearing him talk about her being his girlfriend, she smiled sadly. "Yeah. One day, Finn. Okay? I promise." Rachel knew that her and Finn really did have a chance at being something, but she didn't want to spend her entire relationship with him just taking care of him or watching him get high all day. "We're gonna be okay, Finn. Don't worry about it." It was going to take a while, she knew that. It was going to take forever for Finn to really get clean and to be okay. Watching as he started to drift off to sleep, she waited for a moment before bringing her hand to his chest, ensuring that she could feel his chest rising and falling with every breath. Once she listened to him breathe for a few moments, she went to lay on her back, Rachel bringing both of her hands to rub over her face. "Fuck," She breathed out, moving to look up at the ceiling. It felt impossible to really accept this situation, but at this point? If she wanted Finn to be safe or if she wanted to be close to him? She had to just try and go with the flow and accept the situation so she didn't go crazy in response to Finn's actions.

[hermitknut]

Animorphs: The Musical

Okay first off, a disclaimer: I outlined this originally not as a musical that would exist as an adaptation of the books, but as something that is created, maybe ten-fifteen years post-war, within the universe of the books (or more precisely, within my own post-series AU that I roughed out here - TL;DR is that Rachel’s alive and the animorphs as a group aren’t big fans of the spotlight). This affected things in specific ways, but most importantly:

Ax doesn’t want to be focused on - he doesn’t like earth music, and he doesn’t understand this form of storytelling. As such, he plays a smaller role in the show than he might deserve to. 

I can’t imagine them ever telling people on earth certain things (David will be a secret taken to the grave, for example; Aftran/Karen’s involvement may have been kept quiet to protect the (still a tiny child) Karen; and while the role of the Ellimist has been shared with the Andalites it’s not exactly a well-known thing on earth because seriously can you imagine the amount of scepticism)

That said, there’s no reason this version wouldn’t work as an adaptation, it just leaves out certain things that I think we’d all miss if we were watching it IRL. I was thinking more about how the actual Animorphs would feel about their lives going on stage. 

Notes:

1. I’ve used songs from actual musicals as stand-ins, and none of them are exact fits. Mostly they convey the right kind of feel and pace for the moment.

2. Each animorph has a ‘keynote’ through the show; something life-changing that they volunteered. Jake’s and Marco’s were easy; Cassie, Rachel and Tobias elected to keep their real life-changing moments to themselves (Aftran, David, and Elfangor respectively) and so theirs are a little different. Ax asked not to be given one.

3. The morphs are done with puppetry, with little emphasis placed on the transition. For small morphs (bugs and birds), the child actors can operate the puppets themselves; for battle morphs, adult puppeteers form the shape of the animal around them. This means you can see the child actor performing/emoting even within a fight scene. For the style of puppets I’m thinking of, check out the stage adaptation of His Dark Materials that was done a while back by the national theatre (some images here and here). 

4. I’m also working under the assumption that we’re using pretty minimal sets, so big set changes aren’t hugely necessary.

This got SUPER long, so I’ve put it under a cut.

Act 1

The house lights go down. Over the speakers we hear a confused buzz of communication: some thoughtspeech (Marco! On your left! Keep moving!) and some radio communication (military instructions and people panicking). This cuts when the lights slam up, and we’re on the bridge of the Yeerk mothership; everything is frozen; Tobias speaks up, asking how everything came to this? [feel of Mama Who Bore Me from Spring Awakening]

A quick shift takes as back three and a bit years, it’s a busy mall. We see the kids as they are that night: Jake and Tobias bickering over the arcade games; Tobias tagging along; Rachel having dragged Cassie out shopping. There’s a chorus number here to set the mood [feels a little like Hard-Knock Life from Annie, upbeat but work-a-day], interrupted once for each animorph as they explain who they are. Tobias tells us about Jake; Jake tells us about Marco; Marco tells us about Cassie; Cassie tells us about Rachel; Rachel tells us about Tobias. They’re just one-two line descriptions (‘that’s Cassie, who Jake fancies but won’t admit it. Animal nerd.’), just enough to get a feel for who these kids are. The kids meet; decide to walk home together through the construction site.

The whole scene at the construction site has the kids at the front of the stage, looking out into the audience. We never see Elfangor (Andalite diplomatics felt it would be disrespectful to hologram him, so the director worked around this). But Tobias speaks to the audience, narrating the events of the scene (it stays fairly brief, but meaningful) and speaking Elfangor’s words (after all, he’s the one who has the right to). As they flee the scene, Chapman (whose name is changed for the show) is identified as a controller, and Tom with him. 

The next day the kids end up at Cassie’s barn. They’ve all tried morphing, and now it’s time for the debate about what they’re going to do. The song of this argument is reminiscent of My Shot from Hamilton, but less solo and more alternating between the characters. Marco cutting in (like ‘Geniuses, lower your voices’ and later ‘I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory’ in the original) in counterpoint, arguing to protect themselves and their families, Tobias impassioned, Jake mediating, etc. They conclude, of course, that they’ll fight - and Marco will be with them, for now.

The first keynote is Tobias’s, opening when he comes to Jake after their first mission (not seen on stage) and can’t change back from hawk. He sings us through his journey from book #3, describing his first kill and the mall fly-through as the chorus shows us it in freeze-frame behind him [my closest match is with Deep Into The Ground from Billy Elliot, but it needs more fear/climax in it to work].

Montage time! The fighting and spying begins in earnest [Solidarity, from Billy Elliot]. As the music shifts between its two threads, we have quiet moments that continue the story - Ax is rescued in a brief scene, and Eva is revealed as the host of Visser One - but the fight returns and there is no time to stop and recover. Marco’s character shifts towards the end of the song and Cassie remarks on how much more dedicated he is now.

Rachel’s keynote now [imagine something similar to Your Obedient Servant from Hamilton, but sung all by one person swinging between aspects of their personality] consists of some emotional elements of #32 blended with #12; no plot as such, just Rachel trying to establish herself as rightfully furious with the world as it is as her father moves away and her life becomes more violent.

Go straight to Cassie’s keynote, which incorporates parts of #29; her friends are no longer there and she is going to the Yeerk pool alone, cooperating with the Yeerk Peace Movement (her interaction with Ilim standing in, in the show, for the big shift of perspective in #19) and struggling between not wanting to hurt anyone and not wanting to abandon her friends [feels like Burn from Hamilton].

The build of the end of Act 2 is largely instrumental [feels very like Angry Dance from Billy Elliot] - it’s another montage sequence, but this is darker and faster and much more violent. The kids are thrown about, they lose limbs in morph and get back up; the stage is relatively dark with flashes of dracon fire; hologram hork-bajir and taxxons storm across the stage; Jake comes within an inch of having to kill Tom only to be pulled away by Cassie. Human controllers are out in force, trying to hunt them down. Visser Three is heard over the speakers. The final moment of the sequence sees the kids crawl, exhausted, into bed (the beds are a level up, right at the back of the stage), only to jerk awake; their parents call out and ask if something’s wrong; the kids reply together ‘Nothing. I’m fine.’ Lights out. End of Act one.

[interval where the actual animorphs in the audience eat way too much ice cream and cling onto each other a lot]

Act Two

A startlingly bright open [think The Nicest Kids In Town from Hairspray [warning for racial slur in that song], and even some of the lyrics work] - it’s the Sharing, posters and flyers everywhere, full on Disneying it up with upsetting cheerfulness as the Animorphs slip between them at school, battling exhaustion and deadlines. We see Marco forcing himself to grin at the mirror; Cassie pick out a sliver of Hork-Bajir flesh from between her teeth; Jake trying to act normal around Tom; Rachel flipping off someone trying to flirt with her. 

We ease straight into Marco’s keynote as he skips school to get away from all of this stuff, ending up in town where he sees Visser One. Marco’s keynote is then #30, compressed into one song [feels like The Room Where It Happens from Hamilton, with the idea of the ‘bright clean line’ of ruthlessness repeating through the song]. When the song stops we get the ‘Mum’ ‘It’s the boy’ exchange; Eva falls and all the lights cut except a spot on Marco, who tells us that he doesn’t remember how he got down from the mountain. Cut to Marco and Jake in the forest when Marco comes back to himself. They part.

Some indication that time has passed, then we move on to Jake’s keynote - which is, of course, #31. Jake walks in on Tom and his father arguing (Tom: ‘FIVE DAYS?!?!’ Jake, aside: ‘...Five days?’), slips the other animorphs and we have the build to the scene on the docks - use a stage-revolve to show Jake frozen and Tom with the knife behind his back. It ends in chaos, and Jake pulling Tom out of the water; and meeting Marco’s eyes from across the stage, a nod of acknowledgement. [I have And All That Jazz from Chicago as a stand-in for this because of the way it builds, but really I need something with more spirals of desperation and less pizzazz].

We then move quickly through the big reveal - rescuing all the families except Jake’s - and go to living in the Hork-Bajir valley. The kids decide to recruit the auxillary animorphs, and go to the hospital [Right Hand Man from Hamilton]. For logistical reasons, James is the only one you actually see on stage.

We have a moment of peace/tension on the brink of the final mission [Who Wants To Live Forever from We Will Rock You, but probably shorter].

The final fight is shown in glimpses and flickers, until we’re on the bridge of the mothership again where we started. The Blade Ship goes down but Rachel and Tom survive (I’ll write why into an AU one day, but for now I ask you to just go with it). The six kids end up on stage, pulling close together, holding hands, frightened of the world to come [probably an unholy mix of Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story from Hamilton and Stay I Pray You from Anastasia. Everyone is sobbing]; the lights narrow until only they are lit, and they’re asking if they’ve done enough...

Lights down. End of Act Two.

~

So uh. Yeah. That was super long and now I’ve got to dash, but please do let me know what you think XD

[fanfickittycat]

The Price

TITLE: The Price CHAPTER NUMBER/ONE SHOT: Chapter 4 AUTHOR: fanfickittycat CHARACTERS/PAIRING: Roman Godfrey x OC GENRE: Romance, Smut FIC SUMMARY: Ginger makes a deal with popular bad boy Roman, if he helps her up the social ladder by pretending to be her boyfriend then she’ll be his dog in return RATING: M AUTHORS NOTES/WARNINGS: The upcoming winter formal (the snow ball) has Ginger excited and Roman... not quite so excited

The cold was beginning to settle in now, and the promise of winter snow was a whisper away, but I was excited for the holidays, and even more enthusiastic when my eye caught sight of the annual banners and posters that lined the corridors that morning. Roman, of course, didn't notice anything and while at one time I may have just put it down to him being blind, I now knew that he had read the words just as I had. He kept quiet only to test me; to see how long I could go, but I knew his tricks now and I refused to give in. I didn't mention it which I knew surprised him because his eyebrow quirked when I was speaking.

"There's something different about you" he said, narrowing his eyes.

I shrugged "I don't know what you're talking about" I lied and before he could say anything back I interrupted him, promising to see him at lunch. He seemed displeased, either by the fact that I had hindered him from speaking or because it was the day of the week that we would sit and eat lunch with Ashley. Needless to say, Roman didn't particularly like Ashley or any of her friends. I couldn't understand why, they were all pretty and relatively pleasant. They took some getting used to, it was true, they had a certain look in their eyes that never failed to make me nervous, as though they were judging every word you said. Most of the time I would ignore it and put it down to paranoia, but in a weak moment I had tried to ask Roman about it.

"It's because they are judging you" he said casually in response. It wasn't the answer I was looking for but it was the one that would occasionally keep me up at night.  

His words haunted me at lunch later that day as I sat alone with Ashley and her clique; anxiously waiting for Roman to get out of History so that he could join me. He was a sort of security blanket that I could shield myself with; someone who could take the heat of everyone's gaze when I couldn't.  

"I'm thinking of wearing blue, like, ice blue" Ashley said, earning a round of approving murmurs. The others piped up with their colour and style choices, and I noticed that they all seemed to compliment Ashley's decision. If Roman had been there he would have rolled his eyes and whispered "sheep" in my ear.  

"What are you thinking of wearing to the Snow Ball?" Ashley asked, including me in the conversation I felt so isolated from.

"Um, I'm not sure. I'll have to ask Roman." I felt my face grow hot from how normal it was to consider Roman when deliberating.  

"You'll have to ask him?" Ashley repeated. She sounded repulsed by the idea. I felt everyone's stare and wished I hadn't said anything, but did my best to look and sound casual.

"Roman has good taste" I said "and I like to look nice for him." Perhaps the last comment was an extension of the truth; I only really dressed as I did because it was one of the rules he had laid out for me.  

"That's kinda cute I guess" she said, and moved the conversation onto her own boyfriend who apparently never cared what she wore unless it was see through. She rolled her eyes playfully, and just like that the tension had diffused and everyone seemed content again.  

I was happier when Roman joined us, even though he stole more than half of my fries. He listened to Ashley gush about the Snow Ball for a few seconds before I saw disinterest set into his eyes. She always tried to gain his attention but always failed to receive it. I was never sure whether to feel jealous, amused, or sorry for her when it happened. It was strange to see the girl I had spent shameless hours daydreaming about being friends with in such a vulnerable position.

"So Roman" Ashley have changed her tactic to addressing him directly "what colour dress is Ginger going to wear?"

Roman shrugged "I don't know, I'd have to think about it."

"So much for your 'good taste'" Rachel, another of the girls said and I felt myself physically squirm.

"My 'good taste'?"

"Ginger said you have good taste; that she likes to look good for you" she said, and I felt the embarrassment flutter around in my stomach again, making it churn and somersault the more Rachel spoke.  

Even though it was the perfect breeding ground for taunts and teasing Roman didn't give in the way Rachel did. He put his arm around me like he usually did; letting his finger caress along my jawline which was a habit he had recently developed.

"That's my girl" he said and even though I knew his pride was artificial, I couldn't help but feel the same warmth in my chest I felt when he had stood up for me. I peeped up through my lashes at him, hoping to be able to glance at him without rousing his attention but he managed to catch me looking at him. I resolved to not look at him for the rest of the lunch hour, but this resolution was broken when Ashley grew bored of talking to a deadpan Roman, she turned her attention to the rest of her pose and let us be.

"Did you really say I have good taste?" Roman asked quietly.

"Yeah, so what?" I said, sipping at my water in an attempt to cool my body down.

"Nothing, just good to know your eyes work." I frowned at him "stop that" he said, touching the crease in my forehead. My muscles relaxed automatically at his touch and he leaned in so that his lips brushed the shell of my ear.

"You're being such a good dog right now, don't ruin it." I swallowed even though I had nothing in my mouth. My head felt dizzy so I leaned it against Roman and he didn't move for the duration of the lunch hour.  

By the time school had ended, the sun was already beginning to set. It was one of the many drawbacks of winter, along with the cold weather which Hemlock Grove was accustomed to. Still, Roman's new route home which was a little longer than the roads he used in the morning, was always a pretty sight. The trees were shedding their final leaves, and despite the starkness of the landscape there was something exciting about seeing the first frost settle in small slivers along the branches.  

"So I got tickets" Roman said, clearing his throat. He didn't often speak during our drives but lately he had begun small conversations.

"Tickets?"

"To the winter formal" he said, before conceding "the snow ball, I hate that name."  

"How can you hate something so genius?"

"You're too easily impressed, puppy" he said and my heart somersaulted in my chest at the new variation he offered. Puppy. It was softer than dog; certainly, preferable to being called 'dog'. I savored the new name, letting it melt like sugar on my tongue. I tried not to let it be known though, not wanting Roman to stop calling me that but he had a half smile on his lips that told otherwise.  

"Thank you" I said when he pulled up outside my house "for the tickets" I added.

Roman smiled devilishly "thank me when you see the dress I'll have picked."  

***

I spent the night texting Ashley and her friends on the group chat I had been allowed onto. It was usually a mixture of mean girl's quotes, gossip, pictures of shoes, and the occasional algebra question, but tonight was dominated by the topic of the Snow Ball. I was flooded with pictures of dresses and dates for trying on dresses, only to be excluded from coming since my own admission that Roman would be my stylist for the night. I wanted to push for an invitation but bit my tongue and held my fingers off, not wanting to incur some kind of friendship fine. I was calmer when the conversation moved onto the newly coined 'promposal' and what everyone's respective boyfriends had done. It was when I was asked how Roman had popped the question that I had to admit that he hadn't. I was met with sugary sympathy and I hung back from further discussions to text Roman.  

Do you know what promposals are?  

I waited patiently, unsure if Roman would even text back seeing as we usually didn't talk unless it was face to face.  

Yes  

Are you going to do one for me? I chewed my lip anxiously as the three dots signifying his impending reply came on screen. It was a long shot, but Roman's near affection gave me quiet hope.

Don't hold your breath, dog His answer, for some inexplicable reason, made me lose all interest in my phone and I cast it to the side instead. It may have been early but I switched off the lights and pulled the blankets above my head. Perhaps I was being childish but the ache in my chest begged to differ.

The feeling remained even the next day, and it was akin to a weight on my chest. Roman noticed and even asked if I was okay, but I lied through my teeth and said I was fine. He wasn't convinced I don't think, but he didn't ask any further questions. I began to wonder if I had made up any affinity between him and I, and spent my day sulking in class even though Mr. Khalife had openly praised me on my French composition.  

"Are you ever going to tell me what's wrong?" Roman grumbled on the drive home; he was clearly annoyed that I wouldn’t give up my sad puppy dog routine and confess, but I knew that he wouldn't find my grievances over my lack of a promposal affecting in any way, shape, or form so I left it.  

"You're going to think it's dumb."

"The only thing I think is dumb is all that pouting" he was driving by the edge of the forest on our usual way home, but I was surprised when he pulled up into the forest instead. He didn't move. The only sound was the wind whipping against the car's exterior and his breathing. I began to worry that he really was annoyed, especially when he turned to me with a look in his eyes that I didn't recognise.  

"Are you okay?" I asked, immediately acknowledging the double standard. It didn't matter because he ignored my question and instead stared me dead in the eyes.

"Ginger" he said, his voice coming out softer than I thought it would "as my fake girlfriend and pet dog, would you indulge this stupid tradition, and come with me to the... Snow Ball." The last part came out in a grimace, but I didn't care and without thinking undid my seatbelt to throw my arms around Roman's neck – something he didn't expect.

"Yes, yes, yes!"  

He didn't shake me off right away but when I wouldn't let go he had to detach me from him "okay, enough of that dog" he said and pushed me off of him. He looked exasperated when he saw my pout reappear.  

"If you don't stop that I'll take back my promposal and you can spend the night licking my shoes clean instead." He threatened.

"No, please! I'll be good." I said, sitting up straight with my hands on my lap, doing my best to school my face into something more neutral, but I failed to hide my excitement and caught Roman not looking too miserable either.  

[cristalknife]

Kadam Week 2021 Day 4 ~ You are my treasure, can I keep you as part of my hoard? 2/4

(In four parts Part 1, Part 3, Part 4 or read complete on ao3 or ff.net)

To his immense surprise and relief it was an acceptance letter. As he kept on reading he discovered some strange peculiar notes that made him frown.

For one, he was offered a double major in stage combat and musical theatre with a minor in costume design. No other option, no choice about having only a single major, or even only one major and one minor. The whole affair seemed rather weird to him, but at the same time the price tag to it was not as inflated as he thought it would be.

The tone of the letter made it very clear, it was either accepting the offered position, or reject the suggested plan and choose a different school, no changes allowed for any reasons.

But Kurt reasoned that it wouldn't be too much of a problem, he wasn’t afraid of working hard, and it wouldn’t be a greater economical burden.

He knew he could do it, even a perfect stranger at Nyada, after seeing his audition had thought he could do it, so he couldn't see why he shouldn't believe in himself in the same way.

The second weird part was that they requested a private interview with him at his earlies convenience to work out living accommodation for the duration of his studies and that more would be explained in person.

Third even more puzzling part was the final note that any concerned parents were allowed to join into those informal interview.

When Burt reached that line the small distressed growling sound he had been emitting faded into nothingness.

Looking up from the letter and still seeing the expectant looks on both Carole and Finn's face Kurt smiled and said simply "I got in, they asked for an interview to better manage the living arrangement"

Both of them grinned and congratulated him and then Finn continued "Man you're so lucky, maybe the interview is to set you up with a cool room mate. Wish other school did that as well.”

Kurt hummed pondering on Finn's guess, if that was the case then it would be really cool indeed, however he had a slight suspicion that wouldn’t be the case, more likely it would have to be something connected to his newly discovered supernatural heritage.

Kurt didn't know exactly what to expect, but he reasoned that he would find out soon enough at that meeting, after all he had still time before he needed make a decision whether to accept his place or not.

Burt was considering their options then said "We should call the school hear if they do those fancy meeting on a short notice basis, we could even make a long weekend trip out of it, some family time”

Kurt looked intrigued "You thinking about getting the car and drive the ten hours there, the train or flying?"

Burt shrugged sending a warning glare at Kurt's teasing emphasis on the last one "I do have free miles we could use to get tickets there, all those times flying to DC must bear some fruits somehow…"

Finn started looking uncomfortable... "If we all go, can we please not saying anything to the others? Like can we totally avoid mentioning anything to Rachel in specific?"

Carole, bless her soul asked worried "Why there's something wrong with having a family trip together?"

Finn looked down and started shuffling his feet "It's just Rachel is going to blow things out of proportion, and either demand we take her with us because we're almost married and thus practically family already. Or she would give me hell for not telling her about this.”

Kurt allowed a small scoff leaving his mouth "You know that the easiest solution of all would be not getting married to her in the first place right?"

And for the first time Finn looked as lost as he really was "She's still my girlfriend.."

Kurt opened his mouth ready to retort, but seeing the confused look still in Finn's eyes, he choose instead of closing it up again and pressed his lips in a thigh line.

He was raging internally at how Rachel was making his brother feel like he had no other options, but it would be counterproductive if he started to say anything about it before Finn was ready to hear and listen to what Kurt had to say.

Sadly he had a very good idea that Finchel wouldn't survive Rachel’s New York aspiration .

As he had just asked few hours ago to not have people interfering in his own private life he couldn’t very well barge uninvited into someone’s else. However Finn was family, so he simply offered him a lifeline saying calmly "If you want to talk about it, you know where to find me"

The grateful look on Finn face would have been enough, but the added looks of pride present in both Carole and his dad's eyes made it all even more worthwhile.

The phone call to settle and schedule the date of the interview solved Finn's problem easily enough, when it was explained that the concerned family allowed in the interview were solely blood relatives sharing the same heritage as the student.

Namely it was a pretty neat line to make it clear the supernatural aspects of Kurt's life were the one going to be addressed.

And while it sounded a little discriminatory, it was also pretty understandable why other supernatural beings wouldn't want to admit or talk about such things in front of people not able to fully grasp the situation.

At least they were helpful and suggested that if only his dad was a blood relative, to simply saying that their interview would allow in only one parent anyway. So that the meeting wouldn’t be cause of tension or distress for their family.

It worked neatly, and Carole was very understanding, once they were alone Kurt asked curiously "So air plane flying or you flying flying?"

Burt snorted and shook his head "Come on kiddo what do you expect? Have you seen many flying lizards around the news?"

Kurt shrugged and chuckled "No but we are in Lima, I doubt such news would even pass the local censure..."

Burt found himself chuckling as well and patted his son back "Nah no need to get exhausted when a plane could do all the work for us and without even having to learn the way..."

Upon arrival at the school they were met at the front door by Madame Tibideaux, the same person Kurt auditioned for.

To his credit, he blinked his surprise away and put on an easy calm smile on his lips within the first minute, noticing how the woman's smile grew after that as she nodded approvingly

"Mr Hummel, Kurt, please follow me we can have our talk in my office, it's this way."

As they started following her Kurt noticed a very faint and intriguing smell reminding him of sugar and cinnamon with a hint of peppermint.

It was a very attractive scent and he unconsciously licked his lips. The knowledge he'd soon be here to properly chase it down, until he found to whom this scent belonged to, was the only thing that kept him from going into a frenzy search right in that instant.

He had remained a step behind as Madame Tibideaux was giving his dad the selling pitch.

Kurt got distracted by a couple of students sneering down pointing alternatively at a poster and at the tall redhead they were badmouthing.

Their interaction escalated quickly to the point the duo started to physically push the read headed guy.

Something in Kurt roared to life at the mere sight, what were just darkening embers turned into molted lava, and he could feel the low growl reverberating in his chest.

He didn't even throw a glance at the two adults to see where they were going, he wasn't even sure why he felt that he needed to step in, he simply knew he had to.

He walked up to the snotty duo and asked in an icy tone "Is this how supposedly topnotch talents from all around the country behave in this school? I thought this was a college not a kindergarten, but if I am mistaken, then someone ought to be put down for a nap for being so cranky"

His words had frozen all three students, but Kurt didn't even take notice of that, instead he went directly to help up the redhead, receiving a small grateful smile in return and a look of awed admiration

"Thank you, I don't think anyone else would have dared to go against them, but it's too late for you to be a second semester student and I'm sure I would have seen you before..."

Kurt smiled sincerely and offered his hand "Kurt Hummel, and no I'll be a freshman starting from september, just to know beforehand, am I to expect more of this once I start here? Because honestly it's a little bit of a put off for me”

The redhead took the hand and shook it smiling brightly "James Porter, and well the school has its own internal working, but I can tell you it's not as bad as it looks, most of the times. This was really nothing, they would have just continued throwing some more insults at me and at the group I'm part of, and then left once they reached their daily quote of mean girls attitude"

Kurt frowned and for the nth time his eyes fell back onto the poster as he started to point it with a finger, almost reaching up "So I guess you're part of the Adam's Apples then?"

James offered him a bright smile noticing how Kurt's eyes kept returning to the poster every once in a while "Indeed, I can see you like our poster, would you like to take one with you home? So you know exactly who to search for when you come back here in the fall?"

Kurt smiled grateful at the offer, and this time he didn’t fought the instinct of reaching up to touch reverently the precious piece of paper.

It was… he didn't know what it was or what it had around it, but for some weird reason being close to it just felt right, in a way he didn't recall anything else ever feeling that way before.

James chuckled at the besotted look on Kurt’s face, then proceeded to remove the poster from the bulletin board and roll it up.

He fished a couple of rubber bands from his pocket and secured the poster in position before offering it to Kurt, admiring how it was accepted like a precious treasure.

He then looked around and asked Kurt "So how come you're here all alone?"

Kurt said before even looking around "I'm in here with my dad for an interview, Madam Tibideaux is leading us to her office"

James' eyes grew larger and then he nodded "I can take you to her office before they notice you've lagged behind, one suggestion as thank you for what you’ve done, when you get back home if someone else from your school had been accepted, try to keep under wrap that you came here for living arrangements. That is the kind of information you don't want people to know upfront."

Kurt look taken aback and blinked in surprise, he had not realised that in getting in the middle of this situation he would risk to lose his guide.

However the new information that James gave him made sense, he simply nodded his understanding. Despite the warning he could not feel threatened by having shared that information with James, so he took it as a sign that maybe the redhead was trustworthy, he surely felt that way.

Instead Kurt asked "Can you please take me there now then?"

James nodded then after few steps he looked back at the two still frozen students, and asked "What about them?"

Kurt turned to look and then waved his hand dismissively "They are free to go when they have cooled their hot tempers enough to know that sometimes it's better holding one's tongue."

And true to his words, as soon as Kurt said that, the snotty duo scrambled away sending incensed looks, but kept their mouth shut, to James' satisfaction.

The older boy grinned at Kurt and nodded, then proceeded to take a shortcut to the vocal performance dean's office.

True to James' promise Kurt walked right behind his father as if he had been there there the whole time.

From a afar, James noticed that the poster had found its way safely and discreetly into Kurt's messenger bag.

Feeling extremely pleased and satisfied with the outcome, he carried on with his day after sending a message to the other Apples that they were more than likely to gain a new member in their group in the the fall.

When later that afternoon Adam came to James asking "How can you be so sure of that?"

James grinned like he knew something important, something that they were all going to figure out on their own, when they'd finally meet the new freshman "Because I met him, his name is Kurt Hummel, and he stepped in to defend me, in the main hall when the snotty duo was throwing their daily dose of insults my way..."

Adam looked just as impressed as James had been "Mind if I ask you how he did it?"

James' whole body language became neutral and his smile placid, not giving anything away, and yet that level of neutrality was a tell in and on itself.

"He had few chosen words to say and they were very effective, but the part I think you'd probably should find more interesting, was that he kept looking longingly at our poster. Like he couldn't take his eyes off of it, and he had reached to touch it more than once. Though I doubt he'd even consciously realised it, so I took it off and gave it to him."

Adam's breath caught at that and he looked up at James hopeful as he asked in a low rumbling voice "And?"

James offered a small genuine smile "And he looked like I had handed him a treasure, I didn't even notice how or when, but before he went on with his day as we parted ways, he had already put it safely away, I suppose in the messenger bag he was clutching for dear life.

Adam's grin grew as he closed his eyes briefly whispering softly "Just one last summer and then we'll meet. Thank you so much for telling me James, I appreciate it"

James only hummed in response, basking in the happiness this day brought.

Once inside Madam Tibideaux’s office, Kurt discovered that, as James had promised, his absence had not been noticed. In fact it seemed as if the time he spent with the other students hadn't passed at all.

The way the two adult were talking, it seemed as if his presence or input wasn't at all needed nor necessary.

He was getting quite lost in his own thoughts, when suddenly Madam Tibideaux asked him if he felt comfortable in shifting and letting her see his form.

Something in that request rubbed him in the wrong way and he couldn't stop himself from asking "And exactly why would you need to know that?"

Burt offered the dean a knowing smirk and a shrug of his shoulder, as if to say ‘told you so… Feel free to try to convince him’

Madam Tibideaux, smiled in what probably was supposed to be a reassuring and friendly way, but to Kurt it just felt off, "We just want to make sure your accommodation would be comfortable, allowing you the downtime to relax in your more natural form"

The words had the shiny appearance to seem aimed to aid him, but something, more than one something actually, felt so terribly wrong.

If he was to reveal his form, he was pretty sure it would be listed somewhere, information that then would be stored somewhere inside or anyway connected to the school.

Kurt might not have been aware of his supernatural heritage for a long time, but having lived in such a small town as Lima had taught him that there were things best left unknown to the general populace. Some things were private and were supposed to stay that way.

James' advice was also still ringing in his ears. If he wasn't supposed to be that liberal in sharing the fact that, as supernatural being, he had been granted living accommodations.

Then more than likely he wasn't supposed to share exactly what he was or allow any record of it, or even pictures to be added to his name in some file cabinet or database.

Returning an equally friendly and placid smile, just as fake as hers, Kurt replied politely "I'm sure that such organised school as yours has rough shape classification catalogue or book that could be used to indicate a student's shift dimension. Probably even cut in categories like small, medium and large if not able to go in even more details. I'll be more than willing to pick from those lists the current size of my shifted form."

Madam Tibideaux looked like she had been handed a basked full of lemons to swallow, but still she managed to smile "I see your point Kurt, in that case let me pick the shape size book for you."

Burt quipped smiling "I'd say you probably should take directly the medium large part of it"

Kurt managed to restrain himself and didn’t look as shocked as he was feeling.

He simply allowed his father to lead the discussion, he wouldn't have said that he was that big, but to be honest during the times he shifted he had been more preoccupied with other things like grooming and flying lessons on top of other similar activities that were supposed to be taught early on.

And with his late awaken he had to have crash courses to be sure of being ready by the time he left home.

Madam Tibideaux put the shape book in front of Kurt and he tried to gauge what to do. Clearly his dad was suggesting he'd declare a larger shape than his current one.

Maybe he still had growth sprouts left in him, at least as far as his shift shape was concerned.

Looking at his dad he noticed he was pointedly looking up at the sky outside the window, and a small smile formed on Kurt lips.

He kept reverently pass over the shapes as he had done before and then shook his head moving forward to bigger ones, as if he had been looking longingly wishing he had a smaller size than his actual one, instead of trying to gauge which one would be more a more accurate one.

If he was supposed to have enough space to fly then he was going to declare to be at least trice as big as he actually was.

Adjusting the book’s position in his lap he didn't notice that his bag shifted, and a whiff of that faint scent of sugar, cinnamon and peppermint reached his nose making him stop for a moment.

They were going to gauge the living accommodation to house his size, but that scent made him want to have a nest.

A place he would be able to keep beyond his school years, and that meant he had to be redirected to external sources rather than take ‘advantage’ of the ‘opportunities’ the school offered.

On a whim he closed the book and reopened it on the last page before commenting softly "Dad I might be wrong, but I don't think even the biggest one in this book is quite as large, what do you think?"

To his credit Burt barely blinked, he took the book that Kurt was passing to him with the hand that had inconspicuously petted the poster, and carried on it the new scent that was quickly becoming important to to Kurt.

Burt's eyes glimmered for a moment, almost assuming a reptilian pupil, that returned normal in less than a blink of an eye. He hummed making a show of looking between the book and Kurt and then nodded "Indeed you're right son"

Then he turned to Madam Tibideaux and asked "Are those all the dimensions you can accommodate?"

She hummed thinking throughly. She was clearly trying to decide whether the two men in front of her were serious in their affirmation, or if they were toying with her, in the end she decided to answer neutrally "That is the top rage that we can accommodate on school properties. We do have though contacts of other friendly places where accommodation could be found. But I'm afraid then that the school would not be able to provide for the costs of such option. It would be exactly as if Kurt was an off campus student, while if instead he could manage to stay within school properties, that expense would be taken care by the school"

Kurt raised an eyebrow and tilted his head asking innocently "But weren't you the one saying just now that I was supposed to feel comfortable and able to relax in my shift's natural size?”

And with that Madam Tibideaux knew she had lost any chance to actually have Kurt under the school's watchful control. She sighed internally and nodded "You're correct, in that case let me offer you the list of agencies that will know exactly what to offer you and be discreet about it if you mention that you're going to be a Nyada's student."

Burt raised an eyebrow and questioned "And will those report back to you and tell you which place we might end up renting?"

Madam Tibideaux smiled intrigued and then shook her head "No, they will only report how many of their special heritage friendly places have available, nothing more."

Both Kurt and Burt nodded pleased at the news, then Burt collected the list then said "Guess we are all good then?"

Madam Tibideaux nodded and stood up soon followed by the two men "Can you gentlemen find your way out or shall I take you back to the entrance?"

Burt smiled and said swiftly "I'm sure we can manage to find our way out, thank you so much for your time. It has been a pleasure"

Once out, Burt looked at his son and asked "So are we going to check the places now and try to see if we'd get a good deal?"

Kurt looked surprised, "You know that if we do that I'll be in here probably from the beginning of the summer?"

Burt nodded "I know son, point is you have already shown me you can deal with most of the issues that might came out. Mind you kiddo, I don't really want to push you out of the house, but I also know you are ready to fly away from the nest, and that you'll do wonderfully"

Kurt hugged his dad and said in his ear "Then can we please do it now and see if we can land a place already?"

To their surprise their search didn't last long. On the second name on the list had exactly what felt like home to Kurt, it was a big empty loft in Bushwick, it was a top floor with private access to the roof.

It required quite some work and care, in fact the agent showed it only because it was the biggest they had available, but warned them it was very much a rundown property that probably wouldn't suit the needs of the younger man.

However, when they walked into it, Burt saw just how enamoured Kurt was of the place…

Kurt was striding through the whole space with a sure footing, touching the walls every so often, and looking like he could already see what the place would be like, rather than how it currently was.

So Burt asked all business like "Is there a rent to own option for this place?"

The agent looked surprised and then checked twice on her phone "Actually, could you give me a moment there's something I need to double check"

Burt nodded and the lady went to the very opposite end of the open space. Kurt was checking on the state of the bathroom, finding it in perfect conditions, clearly a recent renovation.

Both Burt and Kurt tried to not overhear the rather frantic call the agent was having, but it was sort of difficult when her voice sounded crystal clear in their ears

“Are you sure that number is correct? Yes, yes I know, and yes I know that those were the exact words but… I know, look it’s just weird I… Yes, of course, of course I didn’t mean to be disrespectful. Yes sir, yes I’ll talk to them, I’ll let them know and bring them back to the office to sign the papers… Yes Sir”

Kurt at that point had stopped running around the place and returned to his father’s side.

The agent then returned to them with an embarrassed smile and said with some hesitancy “To answer your question sir, yes there is the option of rent to own, but you see, it’s something that the owner would like to discuss at the agency, if you’re really interested, you know so you could talk things through.”

Both Burt and Kurt looked at each other and then nodded. The ride to the agency was silent, the agent clearly wasn't that comfortable, but neither men felt the inclination of starting some small talks just to ease the tension in the car.

Once they reached the office the owner of the agency came out to greet them with a big smile.

Kurt was quickly starting to pick up that everyone who felt more whole,this far had ended up being somehow connected to the supernatural, a world he was still growing accustomed to.

Burt was met with a firm handshake and a smile, when it came to Kurt's turn something tingled in his mind and without really knowing why, Kurt returned the offered handshake with a smile of his own as he said "Kurt Hummel, Ser Leonids, a pleasure to meet you"

And to the agent’s surprise, the owner of the agency smiled extremely pleased. The British Ser Lionel Leonids, had been living in the states for little over four decades, he never lost the birthright to his title, but he also never advertised or even used it. So Kurt, in all honesty, shouldn't have been able to known about such detail, even less knowing to use it.

And if someone had asked later on, Kurt himself wouldn't have been able to pinpoint exactly what made him say that.

However, that was all the proof Lionel needed to exclaim "I'm so glad you've finally arrived. Come in, come in, let's clear up all the pesky legal details and set up to the conditions...”

Burt was pretty surprised by it all, and when they all sat down, Lionel asked to Kurt "So tell me have you already met many of your future classmates?"

Kurt blinked and then shook his head "Just three, two of which I could have done without, but James sounded like a good friend to have and he seemed friendly enough with me"

Lionel dug a little more, evidently both curious and in search of something in particular "And does your friend also have a last name"

Kurt looked straight into the older man eyes, trying to gauge his intentions. Instead of answering like he felt slightly compelled to, he offered a smile of his own and replied gently

"Of course he has one, but I don't see how that would be important, or even relevant to me signing a lease for the loft in Bushwick.”

If Kurt was honest with himself, he thought he would have received the stinky eye for offering such a borderline rude answer. Burt for sure was looking at him like he was torn between being proud and wanting to scold him.

To everyone's surprise Lionel laughed pleased "Well done boy. I was worried for a minute that you'd be too soft for New York, but you'll feel right at home here. You've chosen one of the best places to build a nest in. And it will come to serve you well. Here's my offer, I'll give you one year of lease in your name, so you can built your credit score. In one year time you'll return and let me know if you want to keep the lease as it is or if you've found someone else to be added as co owner.”

Burt frowned at the insinuation, while Kurt found himself both curious and intrigued by the notion, Lionel continues as if he hadn’t taken notice of the two men reactions.

“If you have found someone, I'll give you a further year of lease so you’ll both will have better credit score, and then it's going to be officially yours, with the rest of the payments to be paid in monthly instalments until you have reached the whole sum, or until you gathered the whole amount needed to finish buying it off. How does this sound?"

Burt raised an eyebrow the incredulous snort in his words barely concealed "A little too good to be truth in my opinion..."

Lionel smiled and nodded "It's not an offer I would have done to anyone else. Let's put all our cards down on the table, shall we? "

He waited until first Burt and then Kurt nodded their agreement and then Lionel continued

"We're all dragons in here, and from the still settling scent I can get from young Kurt here he had most likely already scent marked the loft as his territory"

Burt raised an eyebrow thinking about it and then nodded slowly "I suppose that was what he was doing. I didn't realise that."

Kurt blushed especially as soon as Lionel smiled and asked again "And weren't you doing that while holding something precious? Already trying to picture where it would be the best place to hang it, so you could see it from every angle of the loft and get comfort from it?"

Kurt instinctively wrapped his arms around his bag making sure it was close and the poster inside was still safely there.

Lionel just chuckled at the gesture and raised his arm in surrender "Peace young one peace. It was not an attack, I was merely pointing out that I already know this happened because in my bloodline there was a strong affinity for the foresight. I knew there was going to be a young strong couple that would settle in my city, and who will need help to have a nest worthy of their position and of the work they were going to do for our community. I didn't have any names, or dates only, few exact details, All I had to do was be there at the right time waiting for them. So I settle down and waited. And now you're here..."

Kurt fund himself purring softly in agreement, it was a very soft and low sound that made Burt look at his son with tenderness, and a little bit of fear, seeing his son so ready to take over and live his life as an adult standing on his own.

Lionel continued "So do you find my terms agreeable?"

Kurt nodded happily, his mind flying already back to the loft, and the promise and potential it held.

Lionel chuckled and took out the papers, Burt asked to see them first and Kurt didn't mind his dad's interference at all. It felt like it was going to be one of the last things his dad would be able to do for him.

After all the highs and lows of the day it took a surprisingly short amount of time to set everything up. The lease would start from July, allowing Kurt a whole summer to work on the loft and to make a home out of it.

Lionel promised to have the loft cleaned and fixed up into working condition with a neutral coat of paint so Kurt could decide to decorate as he pleased without having to wait for the paint to dry.

Once they returned back to Lima, with the promise that Kurt could drop by the agency on July first and pick up the keys of his new home, the first thing they did was talk with both Carole and Finn about how the interview was not something offered and available for everyone. They explained that it was a special scholarship open to only to a limited number of candidates, and it was better not let people know that Kurt had been offered it.

Kurt actually took his brother to the side and asked earnestly "In fact could we please not mention at school that I've got in? I rather not have to hear Rachel complaining on how unfair it was that I could get in without doing all the ‘hard work’ she had to do to convince Madam Tibideaux to let her in... Is that ok with you?"

Finn looked almost relieved "Yes please, no offence lil bro but I really don't want to hear her moaning and groaning about that all the time. It's going to be difficult enough if I don't get any letters from New York..."

At that Kurt looked worried and asked "I'm not the one to judge, you know I've wanted out of here since forever, but is that what you really want?"

Finn just shrugged "Isn't it too late now to think about that?"

Kurt shook his head "It's never too late. Just please consider thinking and searching for something that you enjoy doing, and not something that could support Rachel's dreams and fits her fantasies..."

Finn looked like he had swallowed a stone "You don't think we'd survive New York do you?"

Kurt bit his lower lip and asked softly "what answer do you want to hear?"

Finn looked up and asked worried "What answers do you have?"

Kurt started listing and counting on his fingers "The one meant for comfort that’s not necessarily truthful, the brutally honest unadulterated truth, and the one where your worried brother tries to give you an honest opinion without being too rough on you."

Finn looked up and asked in an almost child like manner "Can I have brother answer then?"

Kurt gently patted Finn's shoulder and invited him to sit down on his chair while Kurt himself sat on the nearby stool

"I think that Rachel is very focused on reaching her own goal, uncaring of what are the costs she and the people around her have to pay. I think that you are a sweet guy who wouldn't really mind the midwest way of life of getting married right out of high school, and get a job to take care of the family you’re building."

Finn was nodding along glowing at the praises, and the Kurt squeezed Finn's hand gently "And I think Rachel is not really mature enough to have the kind of relationship where both people make compromises and meet each other in the middle.”

A confused look started to form on Finn’s face as he listened, as if there was something he didn’t quite understand or figured out. Kurt still continued talking.

“That is the kind of relationship you deserve. One in which you are and your partner are equal, a relationship where your desires and dreams are just as important as your partner's"

Finn frowned confused and then showing an hindsight not as rare as it might have seemed, he said "But your relationship with Blaine wasn't like that, you always did what he wanted. Just like I do with Rachel…"

Kurt smiled sadly and nodded "You're right it wasn’t like that, and that's precisely why I ended things with Blaine. It was not the kind of relationship I wanted or deserved, so I got out of it."

Finn nodded looking lost in thoughts. Kurt gently patted his back and mechanically Finn raised from the chair and went back to his own room.

Graduation came and passed, Blaine was still under the illusion that Kurt would come around, despite the fact that Kurt had made sure to prepare and return to the boy, a box full of all the stuff borrowed, gifted or in any way connected to Blaine. ~End of Part 2~ Next

[stay--satan]

Rose in Red: CHAPTER 1

This story is loosely based in DC Cinematic Universe before the Batman vs Superman events

Before aliens, super villains groups, kids with super powers, there was a family. They weren’t blood related, but it was his family Until one clown ended all and now they were strangers. One is supposed to be dead, the other one living another life and the last trying to live up by his own name. Five years ago a clown teared his family apart. Bruce learned five years ago that maybe his rules weren’t the thing that made him a better man. Maybe vengeance was all that he had left.

SUMMARY

CHAPTER 1 - Looking back

The man could touch the silence that took over the house. A house once he was so happy and proud. The house where he once thought about raising his children and their children after that.

"BOYS!" He screams with the running in the upstairs hall. The oldest puts his head in the stairs "May I know why you are not ready?" "He's talking to Sophie Smith" the other one said behind the man caughting by surprise "Who's this?" "Dick's girfriend" the boy gives a devilish smile and out of nowhere there is a baseball ball hitting in his stomach. Grunting loudly from the pain he makes his way to uptairs so he could fight back, but is pushed back by his father "No, the only reason you're going up there is to put some pants. God Jason, where are your pants" "I was eating and I didn't want them dirty" he says guilty letting go of his embrace and run back to his room "RICHARD, HELP YOUR BROTHER WITH HIS TIE" "Why am I the one to do it?" Dick whine from his room. Bruce sighs massaging his temples "Because you're both late and Alfred is sick so he can't help you... Also because I said so!" he says the last part a little louder. God he missed Alfred.

Bruce walks in the destroyed home, it's so different then what it used to be. The walls now are covered in criminal's graffiti from the invasion, it had a awful mold smell and it was dark than ever did before. He wonders if it's not because he was alone there. The house never liked to be empty,

"Guys. Living room, now!" The two boys ran their way to the room finding a very interested Alfred and concern Bruce, still dressed as Batman but without the cowl. Dick's the first one to notice something different about him. He sees a girl behind him, not much younger than him with his 16 years. "Everyone, this is Rose." Bruce pushes the girl by the shoulders so she can come forward "She... Something bad happened to her family, so now we're gonna be her family." Jason's expression for the first time isn't angrish. He feels the heaten taking over his cheeks as she timidly smiles to them.

He walks towards where once used to be the kids room. Luckily or not, those were the least demaged places in the house. He first goes to Dick's, opening the door so carefully as he was still there in his privacy. Bruce could see all clearly now, like it was ten years ago. His boy with loud music in his ears while training with a punch bag. He never liked to train in the cave saying it was 'too dark' for him. So he did the basics in his room with the view to outside.

"Do you want to talk about it?" "I thought I said to leave me alone" the boy looks back to his window. Bruce walks to him sitting right beside him "Look, I get it. You're feeling misplaced" "I went away for a few months to help my team and you already find a replacement" he grunts still not looking the man in the eyes "Richard, the situation with Jason is complicated." "Always is" "But I'm not replacing anyone okay?" the boy still acts like he wasn't there. Bruce sighs straighting himself "You found your place, Dick. You can't lie to me and say that you don't miss your team and rather be here. You are now part of something bigger of your own" Dick moves his head staring the floor "And Jason, he is... He is lost. And he really admired you and all your work okay? I just want to give him this part of your life that you had. Not only the Robin situation, but feeling part of something. And if you wanna leave to be a full time part of your team like Barbara did, you'll always be welcome to my home and the family, son." Dick looks at Bruce with such caring words he never heard before, placing the angrish face with a hug to his father.

Now, he looks at the red door in front of him half destroyed. Bruce licks his lips before coming in taking a good look in the dameged. This time, it wasn't the criminals that did it, but the owner of the room. He walks in the next purple and black room, still with marks from ripped posters. He feels now the most organized room of the house now were the most mess. With broken windows and kicked door, he could still hear the scream from that night. But yet, he tried to push that memory a little bit longer remembering another one.

"Why you don't wanna go?" "Because it's a ridiculous captalist event that rich people have so they can press their money in other rich's face" Rosa cross her arm staring at the car's window. Bruce had picked her up from school and saw a group of girls making fun for not having a date to the Debutante Ball. He knew she got the invitation because he got one too "Plus it's pointless the whole idea of 'introducing women to society' as if this will give us some respect" she grunts again Rose was oficially Bruce Wayne's first daughter. She was the only one out of the two boys who accepted Bruce's request to a legal adoption changing her last name and call him a father. She had the nerves of the Batman and the stubborness of Bruce. "Look, I get it. It's embarrassing." he starts "But when I was young, my mother took me when I was 8." she looks at him respectufully. Everytime he talked to her about his parents, she would drop any atitude down to listen. "And as every 8 year old boy, I was bored to pretty much everything. But she still insisted." he smiles remembering "So she putted me in a fancy suit and took me by her arm. And I didn't understand the point of all of this. I saw girls with underage drinking, some heavy action between couples and I thought it was so stupid to pull out a stunt like that I mean, it was a party with a huge excuse to teenagers to do what they couldn't do back in home. But then, they start to annouce the girls and their fathers. And I looked at them, tearing up, clapping loudly and proudly. But they hadn't no idea what was going on behind the curtains. But my mother knew, she was one of them before and she was still there, tearing up and clapping loudly to each girl. I didn't understand why until I was your age and came to one with this girl, Rachel." he gives a corner smile remembering her again "And I was in another view than when I was 8, you know? I was the one who walked down stairs with a girl in my arm feeling like the biggest boy in the place. It wasn't until the dance starts that I realised that the party wasn't about having formal interactions and expansive drinking. It was a celebration for their kids, and for themselves. It was to be able to gush over them about how proud they are and how far they come. Do you understand?"

Rose nodds to him quietly "So as your father, I would very much like to be there for you this day. No one beside us knows your story, but I do. And I want to clap loudly and proudly of how much I am proud to where you are today."

Back in the present, Bruce kneels on the floor finding her necklace on the floor. The same one he gave her as Debutante present. He puts in his pocket taking one last look before heading to the last one, the big red door.

"I thought you would be leaving with Dick?" he says to the boy sitting on his bed reading. He stopped saying brother a while ago since their fight about him not being his father or any of them their brother. It took a while to Bruce get used to, but he was right. His parents were alive, he just didn't want any contact with them and rather stay with Bruce. Also the world's great detective wasn't that dumb. He had noticed stuff "You sure you don't wanna go with me and Rose? We won't be out long" He sees the boy stops reading and stares his bed thinking before shaking his head. Bruce make his way out before hearing Jason call. "Yes?" "Do you ever... Do you ever wanted something you know it's wrong but you don't know what to do to get over it?" Jason talked really low so no one could hear them. Bruce closes the door behind him walking towards to the kid. "What do you mean?" "Like, like when you had that drinking problem. You knew it was bad and disgusting, but eventually you got over it... How did you do it?" Bruce let's out a deep breath before facing the 17 year old teenager again "Are you talking about something physical or feelings?" Jason only stared at him knewing what he meant "Jason, you're not disgusting because of this." "How could I not?" "She's not your sister" "But I live with her! And now I... I-I can't stop thinking about her" "Jason, look at me." he pushs the boy over the shoulders "Since she came in, I see the way you act around her. You might only be realising that now, but I've been longer before you did. Why do you think I made sure you both knew your place in this family?" the boy kept quiet while hearing the old man's words "If there's anything I learned over the years is that family isn't just blood related or nicknames. It's about ties. You're my family Jason because I trust you with my eyes closed and I love you. You're family to her because you both trust each other and are bond to always have each other's back. Not because I adopted her or put you under my wing, but because of trust. But I need to know if you are willing to face this and telling her the same" "Yes, Bruce" "Good, then put your suit. We're leaving in 20 minutes"

"I knew I would found you here, Sir" Bruce turns around to see Alfred grinning to him "I had to come back here" "I know sir, I'm not the one to judge" Bruce takes another look in the room fill with graffitis. But they were different from the others downstairs "I called her for you sir, she is on her way" "Did you tell her?" "No, I believe is not my place..." Bruce sighed taking a looking to the red wall "I am afraid she won't recover from this" "Master Wayne, if I may... Miss Wayne had enough in her life. Her feelings might be shattered, but this is the right thing to do. For the first time in my life, I believe that you made a wise decision. There will be consequences, but it'll be a start" Bruces looks at Alfred finally agreeing. He stares at the wall with his huge symbol painted in red written THINK He had think and the truth was way worse than he expected. "You know how Miss Wayne is about Master Todd. She'll come to her senses sooner than Master Dick."

[fulloflesbeans]

Hazel Eyes & Cake Pops [Ch.5]

Read on Ao3 here

For the rest of the week, I was stuck copying notes, making more prints, and sleeping on the couch. Rachel and Chloe started a routine of going to Starbucks together for the day and then at night, they would go out on dinner dates. I was relieved that they didn’t want to take me along with them, leaving me be. They always brought leftovers home for me.

Thursday night was eventful for them, but not for me. Chloe and Rachel went out to watch a horror movie that came out recently (the clown one), went to an arcade (they brought back little rings and bracelets), ate at a healthy, vegan place (Veggie Grill or something), and then came back with food from Wing Stop (with FRIES). I was at home, reading the notes over and over again, and watching Robot Chicken and Botched reruns. The latter was interesting, but I wanted to puke more than anything.

I was sick of studying and being surrounded by piles of paper, I don't want to see another piece ever again.

"Are you ready for your test?" Chloe gave me a hard pat on my back as she passed me. I was sitting on the couch and I saw she was dressed for her Friday afternoon shift.

"It's for Nutrition," I moaned, "I can't bring myself to care."

"Your classes this quarter are going to be done in a few weeks." Chloe said cheerfully. Three weeks to be exact after this class.

Chloe sat next to me, "Get good grades and get it over with, right?"

I nodded. It was encouraging to see Chloe changing so much, but I know, somewhere in there, she wanted to tell me "fuck school."

"You're... hella gay today. How obvious do you want to be?"

I had my black-and-red flannel and ripped jeans. I remember wearing something similar to this and saying "shakah brah"... We never speak of it. I didn't think it looked so bad, but maybe I was trying too hard? I thought it added to my gay hairstyle.

"All you need a snapback and you'll be the gayest thing in school," Chloe broke out into laughter, "You're such a punk ass."

We went to her car, laughing to tears, and went to my class. I was going to be late again, I knew it, but I could take the test whenever, just as long as it was today.

"I think Rachel is going to stay home today. She kept going back to sleep." Chloe said as she turned at an intersection. God, I wished that was me.

Her tattooed arm was hard to ignore. She gripped the top of the wheel as we approached the overflowing traffic. I was staring for a good minute.

"Do tattoos hurt?" That was a stupid question, but it still came out.

"Personally, fuck yeah, but it's worth it. Why, do you want a tattoo?"

"Oh, no, I just looked at your arm and felt like asking. They're awesome, so the question came to mind."'

Chloe smirked and said, "Let me know if you ever do."

There we were again, stuck in traffic, surrounded by the sounds of honking and heavy machinery digging into concrete.

"Shit, this bullshit again." Chloe took her hands off the wheel and leaned her head on her window.

"Is it bad that I'm not nervous about being late?"

Not like before, anyway. I was shockingly calm at the moment. It was freaking me out, but I was also fine with it. I ignored the latter.

"Nope, I feel the same way," she replied, "I actually want some piercings. I need to ask Rachel about those."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" I placed my bag at my feet. It was really heavy.

Chloe hummed, "I kinda want my lip piercing back. A nose piercing would be hella rad, I don't know if I would prefer a septum or something else. I want one on my ear for sure."

Oh right, that was a thing for a little while. She had a single piercing on her bottom lip, but it annoyed her. The thought of piercing anything on my body made me really uncomfortable; it made me actually shiver in my seat.

"That would be way cool. I just need a little push, I think."

"I'll do that. I'll shove to the fucking ground, too."

I put my hand on her shoulder, "Don't do that to me, please."

We finally arrived to my school and, unlike Tuesday, I was not worried about lateness. I walked slowly to the elevator, looking around at all the posters and student examples on the wall. It was on floor two as well, so I didn’t really have to hurry so much.

I finally arrived to class and there weren't a lot of people inside. I was given the test right away; it was practically shoved into my hands. I sat next to my classmate, who was halfway done. I was confident and told myself "I can do this" and "I got this", but now, my hand was shaking and my pencil hasn't touched the paper yet. After ten minutes of pretending to skim through my test, I shakily put my name and the date down.

I didn't know anything in that moment. I looked at all the formulas, chemical compounds, grams, and even some questions that required math, and nothing was computing in my brain. To make everything worse, my teacher had this machine for scantrons that stamps all the wrong answers and it was loud. The whirring on the machine and the only way I could describe the noise of the stamp, especially when it was a lot wrong in a row, was like duct tape being extended.

I started to put answers down, not confidently, and I heard the machine go off. Luckily, it only stamped a few times. Uneasiness was still setting into the pit of my stomach.

I tapped my fingers against my table and my eraser. I started with the multiple choice, choosing "C" when I was unsure, and then went to the free responses. Why the hell was there math in this test? I wasn't there when everyone did this and, even though his notes were great, it all left me. More people came into the class, a lot left, the machine was the loudest thing in the world, holy shit, and I was ready to go die.

In the end, I finally looked up from my paper and I was the last person in class. I was too afraid to get up, but I did, fumbling my steps on the way. I could tell my teacher was grumpy and wanted to leave right away. I watched as the machine turned on, the fan going off in it, and slid the scantron right through it. My heart stopped hearing all the wrong ones; it was pretty much my whole test. The only good thing about this was that no one else was in this room. At the same time, the disappointment on my teacher's face made me want to dig my own grave and die in it. It was a test before the final, but good god, I set the standard all the way down to hell. It was two PM.

I left the room and immediately called Chloe.

"What's up?" She answered after one ring. She was on break at this time.

"Hey... Can I stay at school for a bit?"

It was probably obvious that I was bitter. I needed some alone and silent time in the library or wherever-the-fuck. Not even the smell or taste of coffee could help.

"What happened?" She asked.

I rubbed the back of my neck, "I bombed my test."

"Are you sure you don't want to go home? To, I don’t know, sleep?"

It would be a good idea, but I spent too long at home studying for this test. It would just make me feel bad, if not worse.

"I need to read something. Something wholesome that was not about food would work right now."

"Okay," Chloe accepted it, "Text me when you want to go, okay?"

"Thanks, bye."

I hung up and shoved my phone into my bag. I trudged to the library, went to grab a book—How to Survive a Horror Movie, it said—sat at the same table where Kate sat, and just rested my head down on my folded arms. I let my bag fall to the ground next to my feet; I was ready to sleep there. I couldn't believe that happened in there and let myself fall flat. Once I sat down, I started to overthink.  I failed the multiple choice and that should be the easiest part of any test! I got five out of thirty of that shit. Don't get me started on the free responses.

I sat up straight and start to actually read the book I grabbed. It was fitting to what Chloe and Rachel watched a couple days ago. I got through a couple chapters, a lot of it being step-by-steps and things about the what kind of movie it may be, but I slapped it down and attempted to sleep again.

"Hey Max." Oh, it was my classmate again. He sat down in front of me. The table was weird because it was oblong and could sit about twenty students. We were sitting at the very end.

"Hey," I replied, lifting my head up again, "I heard from the machine that you got a full grade."

If I remember hard enough, his name was Evan, probably. He wasn't wearing those Clubmaster glasses, but just regular, black frames. He was still rocking a scarf and a button-up.

"Oh yeah, I killed that test," He whispered excitedly, "What about you?"

"I killed it, too... in a different way."

"What do you mean?"

"I failed it. Like, no question."

"Did my notes not work?" He placed his elbow on the table, resting his head on his hand.

I went down to my bag and took his notes out, still nice and in place as he gave them to me. I slid them to him.

"Do you want to study some time?" He asked.

In that moment, I realized I had forgotten something very important.

"Oh shit," I cursed under my breath, "I need to sign up for new classes when I get home."

We had to sign up for new classes when it was between week seven and eight. And right now, it was Friday on week eight, with nothing.

"Looks like you're stuck with general classes again." He seemed to be rubbing it into my face.

Wowzer, that really helped. I might have to repeat this class.

"Well, we can get a study group together, still," he suggested, "That scantron machine is terrifying."

"I'll think about it," I let out a huff, "I'm sorry, dude, but I need some time alone."

"Let me know, okay? I hope you feel better."

He finally left and I put my head down again. I was so focused on talking to Kate and doing something about that, I completely forgot that I needed to sign up for more classes. I really was stuck in general. I tried to get four new classes every quarter, but since first quarter, I only had two. I started to knock my forehead into the table. It was gentle at first, but it was progressively getting harder and louder throughout the library. Every time my forehead and the table collided, I repeated "fuck" in my mind.

"Can you stop hurting yourself?" I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I looked up and made eye contact with those stunning hazel eyes again. I tried to reply, but I noticed her hair in a loose braid, draped over her left shoulder. It was so strange to see her styled so differently compared to the whole quarter I've seen her. Air was caught in my throat as I tried to focus. I couldn’t, though.

"This is the second time I caught you harming yourself," she sat across from me, "Should I be worried?"

"No, you just keep catching me at bad times." I said with a forced laugh.

"Did another vending machine give you trouble?"

She placed her sketchbook and backpack on the table, like she did the other time. I knew her question was a joke; I chuckled along with her.

"Ah, no," I shook my head, "I had a test in my class today and I failed it."

"What's your class?"

"I had Nutrition." I slouched in my seat.

"Do you need tutoring or anything? I can try to help, but I have never taken that class." Kate leaned over a bit.

This was our second interaction, and yet, she only ever smiled. I was melting at the sight of it, but I kept my eyes moving around her.

"My classmate was here earlier and offered a study group. Thank you for asking, though."

How modest of you, Max! Rachel would slap me if she heard this conversation.

"You're welcome, Max. Any particular reason you're in here? Other than slamming your head into tables." Kate flipped her book open. Before she went onto a blank page, I saw beautiful sketches of women in poses and various storyboard-looking drawings. My eyebrows lifted at the sight.

"The test put me in a bad mood, so I went in here. I studied too much at home and I didn't want to think about food."

"Understandable, I wouldn't want to eat either."

It was quiet between us. I watched her draw different poses and stances, facial expressions, and clothing items.

"What food are you into?" I couldn't fathom why I asked that. I regretted it when I finished it.

"I drink tea a lot, but I personally love sweets," Kate replied happily, "How about you?"

“Uh, I guess I like fattening foods? Rachel has been trying to get me healthy again.”

"You need to be careful then. Don’t want you hurting on the inside too." She hummed.

I tapped my fingers against the table to the beat of a clock. I listened to Kate's pencil etch against the paper and I watched her every movement. Her head leaned to the left, her hair was brushing against the other page, and her other hand held an eraser.

"I never got to tell you this, but I like your hair." Kate said that without looking up. I couldn't even get a reply out, I could feel stammering coming at any moment.

I tapped my fingers faster and blinked more to compose myself.

"Thank you," I finally said, "I like your hair like this... Not like I noticed that it's never been like this before! I'm not saying your other hairstyle is bad. I mean, I like the hair bun, but this is also nice!"

I spoke so fast, I don't think Kate caught any of it. For a whole minute, my heart beat pounded against my chest and I heard it in my ears. Suddenly, she lets out a giggle and I wanted to physically fall out of my chair.

"Thank you. I wanted to try something new."

I cleared my throat, "I-I gotta go. I'm sorry to cut this short." She finally looked at me, "It's fine. See you on Tuesday?"

"Yeah," I clumsily grabbed my bag and nodded, "See you then."

I turned and left so fast I barely caught her waving goodbye. When the library door closed, I let out the loudest groan I could muster. I lost myself for a second; I could barely breathe or see anything. I saw another vending machine and kicked it again, but it didn't hurt.

I took my phone out and called Chloe again.

"You said you were going to text, what the fuck?" Chloe greeted.

"I know, I know, but I spoke to Kate, okay-"

"I'm on my way." I can hear Chloe opening and slamming doors.

"Wait-"

"I'm on my way, I'm bringing Rachel. Rachel, come on!"

She sounded distant in the second half of her sentence. I guess Rachel was there with her. I could just walk over, I don’t know why she was going to drive.

I just hung up and went to the front of the school. I loved them, but holy shit.

When I saw Chloe's car, it was parked in the middle of the street and it was completely disregarding of other people and cars around it. The windows were down and when it came to a hard stop in front of me, she yelled, "Get in!"

All three of us were freaking out in the car. We said so many "oh my god", "holy shit", "what the fuck" in that one car ride, especially through the traffic. At home, we ran inside and landed on the couch. We wasted no time getting into retelling the events. I don't want to talk about what happened between the end of the test and when she saw me, no offense to Evan, but all of it happened so fast.

"Tell me everything, Max!" Rachel shook me around.

"Oh dog, it was so embarrassing," I groaned, "I was banging my head on the table in the library, she saw me, she sat down, we talked, she laughed, I wanted to die—"

"Why were you hitting your head?" Rachel lifted my bangs, looked at my forehead and pressed her finger against it, "It's red."

I grabbed her hands off my head, "My test earlier. I completely bombed it, Rachel. I hope you're not mad."

Rachel furrowed her brows and she was very hesitant. Minutes pass as she spent more time thinking. Was she going to say something or—?

"Just for now. I'm proud of you for speaking to her."

Chloe grabbed me by wrapping her arm around my neck and then rubbing her fist into my head, "That's my Maxim! She's the gayest one alive!"

All three of us were laughing together and I felt all my stress lift off of me. Caught in between them, they were holding me and I allowed myself to relax.

|�A��<

[hamfan22]

Chapter 41 (adopted)

-Time Skip To A Few Weeks Before Graduation-

-Nicole’s Pov-

I was sitting in my US History 2 class, taking notes. “Ok now, this is going to be part of your final, we aren’t going to have a test, you are going to make a poster on a founding father or a battle either during the revolutionary war or the civil war, and it’s due the day before finals start, which is next week, so at the end of class I would like everyone to please give me a piece of paper with your name and who or what battle you are doing” Mr.Schuyler told us. I smiled “I’m so doing either James Madison or The Battle Of Yorktown” I say to myself. Before the end of class I take out a piece of paper and I write my name down and the name James Madison on it and after the bell rings I hand it to Mr.Schuyler and then I go to my last class. I walk into my Theater History class and I take my seat. Then I see my dad, Daveed, Chris, Leslie and Lin walk in. The bell rings and we all take our seats. Mr.Jefferson walks to the front of the room and right in front of me since I sit in the front row. “Ok lords and laddies we have some special guests, we have Lin Manuel Miranda, Daveed Diggs, Chris Jackson, Leslie Odom Jr, and Oak Onaodowan, from Hamilton” Mr.Jefferson says. Suddenly James runs in “I’m so sorry I’m late, I got called down to the office, here’s my pass” James says handing his pass to Mr.Jefferson. “Ok James, please take your seat” Mr.Jefferson tells him. “Yes sir” James says taking his seat which is right next to mine. “Ok so as I was saying, since it’s almost the end of the year and it’s almost graduation day for some of you, so I have a little surprise for you all, now if you all could follow me please” Mr.Jefferson says. We all get up and follow him to the auditorium and we see that the whole auditorium was decorated with streamers and balloons and their was a few tables with a lot of food on them. “Surprise lords and laddies, I’ve put together a little end of the year party, so for the rest of class you all can enjoy yourselves, now go, eat, talk with each other, take pictures together make memories, and sign each other's yearbooks, and have fun!” Mr.Jefferson says. We all smile and we go and grab some food. Someone puts some music on and we start dancing. I take out my phone and I start taking pictures. I take some with James and a few with some of the other students and one with Mr.Jefferson. We all then sign each other’s yearbooks. After that we spend the rest of class dancing and having fun. “Ok seniors get together, we’re taking a picture!” James says as he hands his phone to Mr.Jefferson and runs over to me, he then puts his arm around me and I do the same. “Ok everyone say “Seniors Rock” Mr.Jefferson says. “Seniors Rock” we all say smiling. Then Mr.Jefferson gives James his phone back, and then James walks over to me. He wraps his arm around me and he goes to take a picture of the two of us. After we take the picture I hear someone say “Ok whens the wedding?” I turn around to find Mackenzie and Philip. “It's a week after graduation, didn’t you two get the invitation?” I say jokingly. “Very funny” Mackenzie says laughing.

-Time Skip To Graduation-

I stand next to all of my friends on the football field. We turn our tassels to the right of our caps and our class’s valedictorian says “Congradulations Class Of 2017!” and we all cheer and hug each other. After we leave the field we rush over to our parents. We take a lot of pictures. After that we all head home and get ready for project graduation. “Ok I’m going to get changed out of this dress and into some sweatpants and a t-shirt, and put my hair up in a ponytail” I say as we enter the apartment, and I got to my room. “And take off this makeup” I add. I come out of my room 10 minutes later wearing pair of black sweatpants, a Hamilton t-shirt and my sneakers. I charge my phone and my portable charger. I then sit down on the couch and turn the TV on. “Yes M*A*S*H is on” I say as I lay down on the couch. Cookie comes over to me and jumps up onto the couch and lays down right next to me. “Do you want something to eat sweetie, it’s noon?” dad asks me. “Yes please dad, can I have peanut butter and jelly sandwich, please?” I ask him. “Sure sweetie” dad says. A few minutes later he hands me my sandwich. “Thanks dad” I say. I take a bite of my sandwich and I see dad starting to walk back to the kitchen. “Hey dad, do you want to watch some TV with me?” I ask him. I see him smile “I would love to” dad says walking over to the couch, I sit up, making some room for him to sit down. We then watch TV together for a few hours.

-A Few Hours Later-

“I’ll see ya later dad, and I have my phone on me so I’ll be sure to call you if I need you to come get me or something, love you dad, bye” I say giving him a hug and getting out of the car. “Bye sweetie, I’ll see you later, have fun” dad says. He then drives away and I walk into the YMCA. “Hey Nicole, welcome to Project Graduation, you ready for a night of nothing but fun?” Mr.Hamilton my senior English teacher asks me. “I am so ready, oh and Mr.Hamilton Rachel, Diane, Maddie and I got you a little something, to remember us all by” I say handing him a gift bag. “Aw you guys didn’t have to get me anything, I’ll definitely remember all of you guys, this year was the first year I had celebrity in my class” Mr.Hamilton says to me. “Who me, I’m not a celebrity, that’s my dad, I’m just a normal 17 year old girl” I say. “Nicole you are anything but normal, I mean that in a good way, you are very creative, smart and one of the best students I’ve had in a long time, good luck in college, are you going out of state or are you going somewhere close by?” Mr.Hamilton ask me. “Nope, I’m taking online classes” I tell him. “That’s great, now go hangout with your friends, don’t waste the night talking to an old man like me, and thank you for the gift” Mr.Hamilton tells me. “Yes sir, and you’re welcome” I say as I walk away. I spot Rachel, Diane, Maddie and James, I rush over to them. “Hey guys” I say to them. “Hey Nicole” they all say to me. “Hey” James says. “Everything ok James?” I ask him. “Yeah everything's fine” he tells me. “James I know you’re lying to me, what’s wrong?” I ask him again. “I didn’t get accepted into Hunter, and I’m kinda pissed about it!” James says to me, yelling a little. “James, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kept asking you, I suddenly don’t feel so good, I think I’m going to call my dad and see if he can pick me up, I’m sorry guys” I say starting to tear up, I then run to the bathroom, I run into a stall and I close and lock the door. I then call dad. “Hey sweetie, everything ok?” he asks me picking up the phone. “Yeah, I just don’t feel so good, can you come get me?” I ask him as I start to cry.

-Trigger Warning-

Suddenly I hear the stall open “Who are you and why are you in the girls bathroom, please leave me alone” I say to the person. “Nope, I don’t think so” the guy says taking the phone out of my hand. “Who ever this is she can’t talk right now” the guy says to my dad. “I swear if you hurt my little girl I will end you” I hear my dad say and the sound of a car door slamming shut. The guy drops my phone and slams his foot on it a few times breaking it. He then pins me up against the wall. “HELP, SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE, ANYBODY, HELP ME!!!!!!!!” I scream as loud as I possibly could. The guy then slaps me. “Shut up you little slut, no one is going to help you” the guy spats at me. I start to cry and I hear the sound of the bathroom door opening, and someone screaming “HEY GET THE HELL OFF OF HER!!!!” and then the guy was on the ground unconscious. I then saw that my savior was James. James then stands up and rushes over to me. “Nicole are you ok, did he hurt you, are you ok?” James asks me. “No he didn’t hurt me, I’m fine, thank you James, can we please get out of here?” I ask him. “Of course, let’s get out of here” James says as we walk out of the bathroom. When we walk out some policemen run in the bathroom, they then take the guy away in handcuffs. Not to long after dad comes, he quickly gets out of the car and runs over to me. “My little girl, are you ok, do you want me to take you home?” dad asks me. “I’m ok dad and I think I’ll stay, I’m alright, James saved me and I might need a new phone” I tell dad. “Are you sure you’re alright?” dad asks me. “Yeah, I’m sure” I tell him. “Alright, but if you need anything call me, alright, and James, take care of her, don’t let her out of your site” dad tells him. “I’ll stay by her side the whole night, I’ll keep her safe, I promise” James says. “Good, and what happened to your phone?” dad asks me. “The guy threw it on the ground and smashed it” I tell him. “Alright, we’ll go to the Apple store tomorrow and see if we can get you a new phone” dad tells me. “Ok, thanks dad, I’ll see you later” I say.

-A Couple Of Hours Later-

-The Apartment-

I get home at 2am. Once I get into my bed my phone goes off “Hey Nicole, I need you to come in at around 10 today, I’m sorry, I know you have your project graduation and probably won't get home till late, but I need you to come in today, I’m really sorry Nicole” Lin texted me. “So I have to go to work today, I wanted to sleep until like 1pm, welp that's not happening” I say out loud. “It’s alright Lin, I’ll be there at 10, I promise” I text back. “Thank you Nicole, and again I’m really sorry, you can have tomorrow off, I promise :)” Lin texts me. “Thanks Lin” I text him. I then start to fall asleep.

-A Few Hours Later-

“Who is that (who is that) emerging from his burrow? Who can see today what we won't see until tomorrow Shaman of the shadows, springer of the spring, springer of the spring, Come on! Is it a squirrel? Is it a beaver? Kinda both but not quite either That's right woodchuck-chuckers it's-” I quickly shut off my alarm. “It’s 6:30am, dad isn’t even up this early, but I’m wide awake so might as well get up” I say getting up and going into the kitchen and taking my anxiety medication. “Ok now I need to shower” I say walking to the bathroom and taking a shower. After I shower I wrap a towel around my body and I go to my room and get dressed. I put on a pair of blue jeans, a Hamilton t-shirt and I put on my sneakers. I then dry and brush my hair, I end up putting it up in a ponytail. I then go to the kitchen and start making breakfast. I make dad some eggs, bacon, and toast, along with some tea. I on the other hand have pancakes. I eat and do the dishes. After I’m done I check the time. “It’s 8am, dad should be up by now” I say walking to his bedroom door. I open the door and poke my head in “Dad you up, it’s 8am” I say. “Yeah I’m up, why are you up, you went to bed at like 2am, you should be sleeping” dad asks me. “Lin needs me to come in today” I tell him. “And he’s giving me tomorrow off” I add.

-To The Theater-

We walk into the theater and I go to Lin's dressing room. “Hey Lin, you decent?” I ask him. “Yep, come on in” he says. I open the door and go in his dressing room. “Thanks again for coming in Nicole, oh and I have a surprise for you” he says handing me a bag. “Lin you didn’t have to get me anything” I tell him. I take a brand new Iphone 6 out of the bag and a black lifeproof case. “I figured you needed a new phone, and since you just graduated high school, I figured this would be a perfect graduation present for you” Lin tells me. “Did you backup your phone on Icloud or Itunes recently, if so I can easily set up your new phone for you right now, I just need that chip thing that’s on the side of the phone” Lin says to me. “I don’t have that phone anymore, it broke” I say looking down at my shoes. “What happened, how did it break?” Lin asks me. “Last night at project graduation some guy came into the girls bathroom while I was on the phone with dad and he took it out of my hands and threw it on the ground and smashed it, but I did backup my phone yesterday before leaving for project graduation” I tell him. “Great, let's get your new phone set up shall we” he says.

-Time Skip-

I text all my friends and James, telling them I got a new phone. I then start getting texts from the cast. “Ok time to start work” I say as I rush over to dad and Daveed’s dressing room.

-End Of Nicole’s Pov-

[dailyofficereadings]

Daily Office Readings February 18, 2020 at 11:00PM

Psalm 101

Psalm 101

A Sovereign’s Pledge of Integrity and Justice

Of David. A Psalm.

1 I will sing of loyalty and of justice; to you, O Lord, I will sing. 2 I will study the way that is blameless. When shall I attain it?

I will walk with integrity of heart within my house; 3 I will not set before my eyes anything that is base.

I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me. 4 Perverseness of heart shall be far from me; I will know nothing of evil.

5 One who secretly slanders a neighbor I will destroy. A haughty look and an arrogant heart I will not tolerate.

6 I will look with favor on the faithful in the land, so that they may live with me; whoever walks in the way that is blameless shall minister to me.

7 No one who practices deceit shall remain in my house; no one who utters lies shall continue in my presence.

8 Morning by morning I will destroy all the wicked in the land, cutting off all evildoers from the city of the Lord.

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Psalm 109:1-30

Psalm 109

Prayer for Vindication and Vengeance

To the leader. Of David. A Psalm.

1 Do not be silent, O God of my praise. 2 For wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues. 3 They beset me with words of hate, and attack me without cause. 4 In return for my love they accuse me, even while I make prayer for them.[a] 5 So they reward me evil for good, and hatred for my love.

6 They say,[b] “Appoint a wicked man against him; let an accuser stand on his right. 7 When he is tried, let him be found guilty; let his prayer be counted as sin. 8 May his days be few; may another seize his position. 9 May his children be orphans, and his wife a widow. 10 May his children wander about and beg; may they be driven out of[c] the ruins they inhabit. 11 May the creditor seize all that he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his toil. 12 May there be no one to do him a kindness, nor anyone to pity his orphaned children. 13 May his posterity be cut off; may his name be blotted out in the second generation. 14 May the iniquity of his father[d] be remembered before the Lord, and do not let the sin of his mother be blotted out. 15 Let them be before the Lord continually, and may his[e] memory be cut off from the earth. 16 For he did not remember to show kindness, but pursued the poor and needy and the brokenhearted to their death. 17 He loved to curse; let curses come on him. He did not like blessing; may it be far from him. 18 He clothed himself with cursing as his coat, may it soak into his body like water, like oil into his bones. 19 May it be like a garment that he wraps around himself, like a belt that he wears every day.”

20 May that be the reward of my accusers from the Lord, of those who speak evil against my life. 21 But you, O Lord my Lord, act on my behalf for your name’s sake; because your steadfast love is good, deliver me. 22 For I am poor and needy, and my heart is pierced within me. 23 I am gone like a shadow at evening; I am shaken off like a locust. 24 My knees are weak through fasting; my body has become gaunt. 25 I am an object of scorn to my accusers; when they see me, they shake their heads.

26 Help me, O Lord my God! Save me according to your steadfast love. 27 Let them know that this is your hand; you, O Lord, have done it. 28 Let them curse, but you will bless. Let my assailants be put to shame;[f] may your servant be glad. 29 May my accusers be clothed with dishonor; may they be wrapped in their own shame as in a mantle. 30 With my mouth I will give great thanks to the Lord; I will praise him in the midst of the throng.

Footnotes:

Psalm 109:4 Syr: Heb I prayer

Psalm 109:6 Heb lacks They say

Psalm 109:10 Gk: Heb and seek

Psalm 109:14 Cn: Heb fathers

Psalm 109:15 Gk: Heb their

Psalm 109:28 Gk: Heb They have risen up and have been put to shame

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Psalm 119:121-144

121 I have done what is just and right; do not leave me to my oppressors. 122 Guarantee your servant’s well-being; do not let the godless oppress me. 123 My eyes fail from watching for your salvation, and for the fulfillment of your righteous promise. 124 Deal with your servant according to your steadfast love, and teach me your statutes. 125 I am your servant; give me understanding, so that I may know your decrees. 126 It is time for the Lord to act, for your law has been broken. 127 Truly I love your commandments more than gold, more than fine gold. 128 Truly I direct my steps by all your precepts;[a] I hate every false way.

129 Your decrees are wonderful; therefore my soul keeps them. 130 The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple. 131 With open mouth I pant, because I long for your commandments. 132 Turn to me and be gracious to me, as is your custom toward those who love your name. 133 Keep my steps steady according to your promise, and never let iniquity have dominion over me. 134 Redeem me from human oppression, that I may keep your precepts. 135 Make your face shine upon your servant, and teach me your statutes. 136 My eyes shed streams of tears because your law is not kept.

137 You are righteous, O Lord, and your judgments are right. 138 You have appointed your decrees in righteousness and in all faithfulness. 139 My zeal consumes me because my foes forget your words. 140 Your promise is well tried, and your servant loves it. 141 I am small and despised, yet I do not forget your precepts. 142 Your righteousness is an everlasting righteousness, and your law is the truth. 143 Trouble and anguish have come upon me, but your commandments are my delight. 144 Your decrees are righteous forever; give me understanding that I may live.

Footnotes:

Psalm 119:128 Gk Jerome: Meaning of Heb uncertain

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Genesis 31:25-50

25 Laban overtook Jacob. Now Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country, and Laban with his kinsfolk camped in the hill country of Gilead. 26 Laban said to Jacob, “What have you done? You have deceived me, and carried away my daughters like captives of the sword. 27 Why did you flee secretly and deceive me and not tell me? I would have sent you away with mirth and songs, with tambourine and lyre. 28 And why did you not permit me to kiss my sons and my daughters farewell? What you have done is foolish. 29 It is in my power to do you harm; but the God of your father spoke to me last night, saying, ‘Take heed that you speak to Jacob neither good nor bad.’ 30 Even though you had to go because you longed greatly for your father’s house, why did you steal my gods?” 31 Jacob answered Laban, “Because I was afraid, for I thought that you would take your daughters from me by force. 32 But anyone with whom you find your gods shall not live. In the presence of our kinsfolk, point out what I have that is yours, and take it.” Now Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen the gods.[a]

33 So Laban went into Jacob’s tent, and into Leah’s tent, and into the tent of the two maids, but he did not find them. And he went out of Leah’s tent, and entered Rachel’s. 34 Now Rachel had taken the household gods and put them in the camel’s saddle, and sat on them. Laban felt all about in the tent, but did not find them. 35 And she said to her father, “Let not my lord be angry that I cannot rise before you, for the way of women is upon me.” So he searched, but did not find the household gods.

36 Then Jacob became angry, and upbraided Laban. Jacob said to Laban, “What is my offense? What is my sin, that you have hotly pursued me? 37 Although you have felt about through all my goods, what have you found of all your household goods? Set it here before my kinsfolk and your kinsfolk, so that they may decide between us two. 38 These twenty years I have been with you; your ewes and your female goats have not miscarried, and I have not eaten the rams of your flocks. 39 That which was torn by wild beasts I did not bring to you; I bore the loss of it myself; of my hand you required it, whether stolen by day or stolen by night. 40 It was like this with me: by day the heat consumed me, and the cold by night, and my sleep fled from my eyes. 41 These twenty years I have been in your house; I served you fourteen years for your two daughters, and six years for your flock, and you have changed my wages ten times. 42 If the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear[b] of Isaac, had not been on my side, surely now you would have sent me away empty-handed. God saw my affliction and the labor of my hands, and rebuked you last night.”

Laban and Jacob Make a Covenant

43 Then Laban answered and said to Jacob, “The daughters are my daughters, the children are my children, the flocks are my flocks, and all that you see is mine. But what can I do today about these daughters of mine, or about their children whom they have borne? 44 Come now, let us make a covenant, you and I; and let it be a witness between you and me.” 45 So Jacob took a stone, and set it up as a pillar. 46 And Jacob said to his kinsfolk, “Gather stones,” and they took stones, and made a heap; and they ate there by the heap. 47 Laban called it Jegar-sahadutha:[c] but Jacob called it Galeed.[d] 48 Laban said, “This heap is a witness between you and me today.” Therefore he called it Galeed, 49 and the pillar[e] Mizpah,[f] for he said, “The Lord watch between you and me, when we are absent one from the other. 50 If you ill-treat my daughters, or if you take wives in addition to my daughters, though no one else is with us, remember that God is witness between you and me.”

Footnotes:

Genesis 31:32 Heb them

Genesis 31:42 Meaning of Heb uncertain

Genesis 31:47 In Aramaic The heap of witness

Genesis 31:47 In Hebrew The heap of witness

Genesis 31:49 Compare Sam: MT lacks the pillar

Genesis 31:49 That is Watchpost

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

1 John 2:12-17

12 I am writing to you, little children, because your sins are forgiven on account of his name. 13 I am writing to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning. I am writing to you, young people, because you have conquered the evil one. 14 I write to you, children, because you know the Father. I write to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young people, because you are strong and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.

15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. The love of the Father is not in those who love the world; 16 for all that is in the world—the desire of the flesh, the desire of the eyes, the pride in riches—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17 And the world and its desire[a] are passing away, but those who do the will of God live forever.

Footnotes:

1 John 2:17 Or the desire for it

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

John 10:1-18

Jesus the Good Shepherd

10 “Very truly, I tell you, anyone who does not enter the sheepfold by the gate but climbs in by another way is a thief and a bandit. 2 The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. 3 The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep hear his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice. 5 They will not follow a stranger, but they will run from him because they do not know the voice of strangers.” 6 Jesus used this figure of speech with them, but they did not understand what he was saying to them.

7 So again Jesus said to them, “Very truly, I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. 8 All who came before me are thieves and bandits; but the sheep did not listen to them. 9 I am the gate. Whoever enters by me will be saved, and will come in and go out and find pasture. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12 The hired hand, who is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away—and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13 The hired hand runs away because a hired hand does not care for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. 17 For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life in order to take it up again. 18 No one takes[a] it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it up again. I have received this command from my Father.”

Footnotes:

John 10:18 Other ancient authorities read has taken

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

[garancefranke-ruta]

American Jews hear the footsteps of white nationalists and worry

Chanting “White lives matter! You will not replace us! and Jews will not replace us!,” several hundred white nationalists and white supremacists carrying torches marched in a parade through the University of Virginia campus. (Photo: Evelyn Hockstein/For The Washington Post via Getty Images)

WASHINGTON — The day after the election in 2016, Nancy Goldstein, a 55-year-old Brooklyn writer and academic who has never been to Israel, opened up her computer and began the process of applying for Israeli citizenship.

In Washington, D.C., 49-year-old entrepreneur David Bennahum began the complex process of moving his family and startup business to Montreal, finally establishing all four of them and the company there in July.

The one thing they had in common: They are both Jewish. And both had looked at the campaign of Donald J. Trump and decided they would be safer as Jews and as liberals if they had an exit strategy from America.

The question of living as a Jew in America under Trump has provoked varying degrees of anxiety in the year since he tweeted out an anti-Semitic meme about Hillary Clinton — the infamous Star of David tweet — and then sought to defend it as a “Sheriff’s Star.” That’s when I first started to hear the half-panicked, half-joking conversations about exit strategies if Trump won and considerations about where to go if America were ever to become unsafe. A friend whose grandparents had fled Germany talked to her mother about going back there. A half-Jewish, half-Australian friend decided to pursue — and ultimately secured — dual citizenship and an Australian passport.

Contemplating worst-case scenarios is something practically encoded in the Jewish DNA, a legacy of 2,000 years of persecution culminating in the slaughter of 6 million Jews in the Holocaust less than a century ago. And given that most American Jews are Democrats and political progressives, the sense of foreboding that Trump has provoked has been compounded by his actions and rhetoric against other groups Jews have stood in solidarity with in America: refugees, immigrants, religious minorities, people fighting for civil rights.

Now the events in Charlottesville, Va., have triggered more difficult historical memories, and forced some Jews to freshly confront troubling questions about their personal and community safety. And it’s forcing many of them to weigh how much they trust America against how much they trust their own fears about where their country is going under Trump.

“What happened last Shabbat was terrifying. Seeing Nazis marching with torches on American soil touches our deepest vulnerability, our collective trauma. Hearing the leader of our country refuse to take a stand against them reminds us of so many closed borders, so many who turned away when our parents and grandparents were running for their lives,” Rabbi Rachel Timoner of Congregation Beth Elohim wrote in a letter to her Brooklyn, N.Y., congregation urging them to not feel alone in their fears, and to stand with in the wake of the Charlottesville car attack.

Three days after Charlottesville, Eran Greenberg, a 42-year-old doctor who works in Northern Virginia, had a different response: He retook possession of the gun he’d bought years ago but kept stored outside his home. “Seeing this up three blocks from my house set me off,” he said, sharing a photo of an Identity Evropa poster proclaiming “Our destiny is ours” on a lamppost in Old Town, Alexandria, Va. Identity Evropa is an American white supremacist group, and the offices of “alt-right” leader Richard Spencer are in Alexandria, making the city a hub of white nationalist activity.

“Every Jewish person I know feels pretty much exactly the same way. And it’s this sort of sense of dread because we don’t know when we’re being unnecessarily frightened and when to take it seriously. It’s the question that’s been asked by Jews around the world: When is it time to go? When is it time to leave? And when is it too late?” asked Kaili Joy Gray, 39, a D.C.-based senior editor at Share Blue media, who unspooled a Twitter thread asking similar questions after Charlottesville.

“Most of the time for American Jews, now, in 2017, we feel pretty safe. We don’t necessarily stand out. We don’t necessarily get a lot of attention, and we are used to thinking about the horrible things that have happened throughout our history as historical things. And in the last few days we’ve seen Nazis, saluting Trump and saying ‘Heil Trump’ and it stirs anger and frustration and fear and makes you realize it’s not history, it’s right now and this movement — this hatred — is being fueled by the president of the United States and that’s terrifying,” she said.

The Ku Klux Klan protested on July 8, 2017 in Charlottesville, Va. (Photo: Chet Strange/Getty Images)

D.C.-area residents, like New Yorkers, have since Sept. 11 been urged to develop evacuation plans in the event of a terrorist attack, and many work in offices that continue to hand out emergency kits with items such as whistles and face masks. The fact that so many Jews live in communities that have already been on high alert or targeted by al-Qaeda doubtless contributes to the conversations about exit strategies and escape routes, along with the political environment and recent worries about a conflict with a nuclear North Korea. But mainly it’s Trump.

“My husband and I have talked about [having to leave] only since Trump took office. In the last half-year, we’ve said, you know it’s a possibility,” said Maia, 40, a business development specialist in Washington, D.C., who asked that I not to use her last name or place of employment.

“Thank God there’s an Israel and we have property there,” she added, noting that that would be the couple’s destination if they ever felt truly threatened in America. Israel, of course, routinely comes under rocket fire from armed militias and has been subjected to waves of terrorist attacks that dwarf anything seen in America.

“Personally, it’s not as threatening to me as 9/11,” Maia said of the neo-Nazi marchers. “That felt more like an assault. This feels like a lot of empty rhetoric without a lot of planning. I hope that this can bring us together like 9/11.”

Bennahum’s reasons for moving to Canada were more complex than just the attentiveness to politics that comes with being a son of a Jew who survived World War II in Nazi-occupied Romania. There were serious business incentives, such as not having to pay healthcare costs for his employees, thanks to Canada’s single-payer system. And he speaks French.

“What opened the deal was the election and then what closed it was the incentives offered by the federal government and the Quebec government to companies like mine to relocate engineers and resources,” he said.

But he also has a dark theory about what’s happening in America, where he sees a democracy that has been under assault since the 1994 Gingrich revolution. The “deeply bad” Bush v. Gore decision, the “nihilistic Republican Congress from 2010 forward,” and Clinton’s loss of the White House despite winning the popular vote are, along with Gingrich’s move to polarize Congress, “four sequential fundamental battering rams to the social norms of the republic” that have helped weaken the American project, he said.

“I put the chances at one in three that the republic is over. Full stop. That the grand American experiment, the world’s oldest continuous democracy — 240 years young — I put it at a one in three shot that it’s out. If Republicans hold Congress in 2018, it goes to one in two. And I think if Trump is reelected with a Republican Congress in 2020, it’s one in one. It is over. … It’s all going to be decided in the next, what, 41 months,” he said. “If I’m wrong, great, then I’ll come back. It’s not complicated. If I’m right, I’m really sorry.”

“I think everyone needs an exit strategy. It doesn’t mean you have to exit right away. But if you have not executed on your path out, you’re naive. If your plan is just to wait and see, that’s not a good story. We know how that ends. That ends in tears, at best,” he said.

Not everyone is so apocalyptic about the future for Jews in America.

“Give me a country and I will tell you we are a lot better off than that country in the Jewish community,” said Ira Forman, the former special envoy to monitor and combat anti-Semitism at the U.S. State Department. “I’d much prefer being a Jew in the United States in terms of anti-Semitic threats than even Canada, France or the U.K.”

“Anti-Semitism in the U.S. has been almost qualitatively different from what we see overseas,” he said. “We are not in the ’30s, and we are not the German Jewish community in the 1930s. It is sure as heck not that. But we can’t be complacent.”

Fighting anti-Semitism is hard, and some of the most obvious approaches, such as taking down Twitter and Facebook accounts of white supremacists, don’t do as much to solve the problem as people might hope. What works best, what is most powerful, Forman said, is the power of social opprobrium.

“One thing we know a fair amount about is civil society speaking out. Heads of churches, civic leaders, business leaders, even common people — when people speak out and the haters pay a social cost, that’s a very powerful tool. We need a lot of folks to speak out. Not just political leaders. We need civil society to rise up,” he said. “It’s got to be consistent, it’s got to be long term and it’s got to be a lot of people.”

The Jews I’ve spoken with are less afraid that the U.S. government will turn on them with the organized ferocity of the Third Reich than that independent armed bands of anti-Semites and white supremacists will gain enough strength and engage in enough acts of terrorism, harassment and negative propaganda to bring what has been the golden age of America for Jews to an end.

Fear of civilian anti-Semitism and mob violence, and not just official state actions, is deeply grounded in the Jewish experience of non-state actors being the vanguard of anti-Semitic violence when egged on by government officials.

Toppled and damaged headstones rest on the ground at Mount Carmel Cemetery in Philadelphia. Pa., on Feb. 27, 2017. The Anti-Defamation League found an increase in cases of anti-Semitic intimidation and vandalism in 2016, evidence that anti-Jewish bias intensified during the election. (Photo: Jacqueline Larma/AP)

“The ‘very fine people’ comment sent shivers down my spine, because the Latvian man who led the murder of my grandfather’s family and the rest of the inhabitants of his tiny village ended up immigrating to Canada after World War II. He settled in Toronto, where I grew up, and in fact lived in the same suburb as I did, not far from my house,” said Lavi Soloway, 50, an immigration lawyer in Los Angeles who in 2004 became a U.S. citizen. “Why am I afraid? I know that ordinary people, patriotic nationalists, people with hatred for the other, specifically hatred for Jews, can be driven to insane acts of violence.”

“Those Charlottesville marchers are a danger to us all. And I cannot simply write them off as a small band of loonies, not with the president giving them succor,” he said.

And then there is the deep pain caused by watching elders taking note of the new anti-Semitism in their waning days.

“When the Nazis invaded [my grandmother’s] hometown of Lodz, Poland, she was 18 years old. She watched as her parents and all the members of her family were killed. She survived three years in the Lodz Ghetto and internment in Auschwitz, Hainichen and Theresienstadt concentration camps,” said Soloway.

“She has lived a remarkable life, and thus it is so monstrously unjust that after having succeeded to rebuild and raise a family, and see her grandchildren grow to adulthood and start families of their own, she is now confronted with the rise of racist nationalism and anti-Semitism, not just in the U.S. but certainly in Europe as well.”

Children too have been frightened in a way that hurts. “Yesterday my 9 year-old saw some footage from Charlottesville. Then she asked me if there would be a second Holocaust,”  tweeted writer Peter Beinart on Friday.

Younger Jews in general are having trouble reconciling the idea of Nazi marches in America with how they think about this country, said Michael Uram, executive director and campus rabbi at the University of Pennsylvania, Trump’s alma mater.  A lot of students, particularly those at large universities in major cities who grew up on the coasts, “think of anti-Semitism as something that existed for their grandparents and parents.”

To confront it as something they too might have to fight is jarring. “There was an incredible sense of shock and disorientation that all this bubbled up,” he said. “They have not felt marginalized or prohibited from doing anything — and yet the story of anti-Semitism is coming up. It’s very hard for students on campus to integrate, to understand how it fits into their Jewish story.”

Some scoff at the idea that Americans would ever turn against Jews in a threatening way. Jewish Americans are, by and large, well assimilated, educated and successful. Trump’s own daughter Ivanka converted to Judaism when she married Jared Kushner, one of the president’s most trusted advisers. The public views Jews more warmly than any other religious faith, according  to a Pew Research Center study from 2014, although the numbers are higher among older Americans than those under 30. As well, “Jews receive their most positive ratings from whites,” according to Pew, demonstrating that there is a deep well of good faith toward Jews among the population from which white supremacists seek to recruit.

The widespread public condemnations of the marchers in Charlottesville and the rejection of the president by business, arts and charity leaders since his widely panned remarks Tuesday has been heartening to opponents of white nationalism. In Boston on Saturday, thousands of anti-white-supremacy marchers — the official police estimate was 40,000 — turned out to counter a “Free Speech” rally by Trump supporters and white supremacists that drew fewer than 100 attendees.

But fear is visceral, not rational. “Rationally, the reaction to Charlottesville by everyone in America who isn’t Trump is reassuring — it suggests there is no significant constituency for anti-Semitism in America. Irrationally, I’ve been thinking about the mechanics of leaving the country and even of last-ditch resistance, ever since last November,” said Adam Kirsch, a poet and literary critic in New York City.

Jews make up only 2.2 percent of the U.S. population, so even if only a tiny minority of white Christians choose to agitate against them, it could be felt profoundly given the broader demographics of the country. The Ku Klux Klan at its peak in the 1920s had a membership that constituted roughly 4 percent of Americans and was able to wield terror against African-Americans throughout the South.

The increasingly bitter polarization of U.S. politics is also a troublesome turn for Jews, in that they overwhelming vote for only one political party: The Democrats, now out of power at every level of national government. Of all the measured religions, Jews voted for Clinton at the highest percent, casting nearly three-quarters of their ballots for her and 24 percent for Trump, according to Pew . By comparison, only 16 percent of white, born-again Evangelical Christians voted for Clinton.

“The Jewish community has learned to live with the fact that one of the parties nominated — and White House came to be inhabited by — someone whose most fervent supporters are white nationalists racists and anti-Semites and those are the supporters he takes care not to alienate,” said Yehudah Mirsky, associate professor of the practice of Near Eastern and Judaic Studies at Brandeis University in Boston.

“Does [Charlottesville] make Jews feel more threatened in America? It can’t not,” he said. That said, he added: “I don’t think American Jews have reason to be terrified. American society and American democracy are strong and healthy in all sorts of ways, but there are disturbing currents around, and president of the United States takes every opportunity to fan the flames.”

“Jews with historical memories always have their passports up to date, that’s just a matter of course,” Mirsky said. But “this isn’t France, where a Jew can’t walk around with his yarmulke on his head without fear of being beaten up.”

“Frankly one reason we don’t have that in America, is that as far as I can tell American Muslims are not anti-Semites,” he added.

Indeed Benjamin Sax, 42, a scholar at the Institute for Islamic, Christian, and Jewish Studies in Maryland, said his group has found that Jews, with their refugee experiences, and Muslims, currently fighting Trump’s ban on refugees and Muslims, have been coming together since the election to build bridges around opposition to the president. Rather than fueling anti-Semitism, he sees Muslims in America making common cause with Jews.

“One silver lining is that my organization has responded to numerous requests, mostly by Jewish and Muslim women, looking to connect, so that’s actually been a pretty amazing community. And allies who wouldn’t normally align are finding their ways to our organization.”

“I live in Baltimore so I don’t feel at all under siege,” says Sax, but he too has felt compelled to consider over the past year to consider where he would go if he couldn’t stay in America. “I wouldn’t move to Israel, I lived there for five years. I thought about Germany. And I know that there’s a strange irony in that, but my wife grew up in Europe.” Denmark, which they visited on a recent trip, also looked attractive. “It’s very easy to get swept away in a European culture and ignore the demons that are in their closets,” though, he noted.

There is also the option that many Jews are taking for now, to stay and fight. Build the self-styled resistance movement. Protest, organize and trust in America. “As the white Jewish mother of a black teen, I deal with my ‘Jewish anxiety and safety concerns’ by teaching marshaling for demonstrations and nonviolent civil disobedience and by helping to organize fierce, disruptive but peaceful protests of varying sizes. Building resistant, defiant, loud community is my jam,” Alexis Danzig, a member of the anti-Trump group Rise and Resist said, quoting from my query.

“And then I lie awake at night wondering how to get my kid out of the country.”

Seven months into Trump’s first term, Goldstein has completed all the paperwork and been approved for Israeli citizenship upon completing one week of residency there, but it’s a step so fraught, she is still hesitant to take it.

The president’s reaction to Charlottesville wasn’t a wake-up call for her but an example of what she feared and expected from his presidency. What she really wants, though, is to feel safe here again, not to leave America.

[micleadd7]

Social media

Just add me on Facebook. Did you see my lunch the other day on Instagram? CleverBets2017 is now following you.You have been added to the whats app group Jeans 40th birthday. I guarantee at some point in the last few years you have all heard these things be you a Twitterer, Facebooker, Instagrammer, whatsapper or otherer (there's always an otherer) the crazy world that is socialising and social media absorbs your daily being, turning you into a mindless scrolling zombie. Flicking from one app to the next without a care in the world. Have we forgotten the days of calling people for a chat in the kitchen because that's where the phone is? looking through pictures you have had developed from holidays gone by? TEXT MESSAGING!?  HAVE WE LOST OUR WAY IN A BLUR OF CLICK  BAIT ARTICLES, MEMES AND COMMENT SECTIONS ON GROUPS THAT OFFEND THE PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE OFFENDED!!  Let's start at the beginning.

Firstly I must point out the thing that makes most of this possible, the enabler of such activity, without it people would sit in a bar by themselves waiting for their friends awkwardly, the smart phone. Iphone/Samsung/Pigeon carrier whatever you are you have the tech literally at your fingertips to engage with anyone anywhere at any point. Bluetooth, 4g, WIfi, order a taxi, order a pizza for the taxi, watch TV, listen to the radio, I mean what is there that your smartphone does not do? What happened to the days of 3 ringtones per phone, polyphonic nonetheless, the genius that was snake, phones that when you dropped them instead of the screen smashing into a thousand pieces you feared for every bone in your foot. Now you have a bing, ding or some other strange noise you've never heard before and that's it, you are taken away into the online world forever, well not forever but at least for the foreseeable.

Ok anyway the beginning, well maybe not the beginning let's not forget Myspace with its click counter and putting your friends in order of who you liked the most. But no the real beginning for me has to be the arrival of Facebook. Facebook changed the boundaries of social etiquette in so many ways. People; be it dates, friends, random weirdos at a party or work no longer exchange phone numbers or show pictures. No no that's no longer necessary, ‘What's your full name?’ That is necessary, and a whole lot simpler to try and guess than a long list of numbers. Yes a person's full name is all you need for a full back catalogue of the last 10 years of anyone's life. Pictures, relationships, family members, age, home town, which spice girl you dressed up as at your local school disco it's all there, waiting for you, willing you to find it! More info than any sane human being should be able to process after 5 minutes of facebook stalking someone. Oh yes that's the other thing, I mean another thing, there are many things. Facebook stalking someone is widely known and accepted. As if this level of intense research into someone's life is any different from actual stalking. Looking through Katies pictures from her trip to Benidorm in 2003, specifically pausing on the bikini clad pics is just as creepy as standing outside her house in the rain hoping to steal a glimpse of her in the shower. Katie if you are reading this you can't prove anything. I guess the difference being is Katie put those pictures on Facebook right? So she wanted people to see them right? Her friends right? In which case she should be ok with her friends waiting outside her window in the rain, trying to get a glance at some sideboob action. Not sure why it has to be raining but it just does.

So what's your name? Add me on facebook. If they are interesting enough you trudge through making opinions on things. The thing is Facebook is a keyhole into someone's life that they want you to see. We all know this yet we all forget it. People (and when I say people I mean everyone) are fabricating whole lives through social media. Informing overs about brilliant family get togethers, forgetting the 16 arguments that occurred on the day and merely commenting on the pictures with everyone smiling. Adding road trip tags about how awesome the journey was even though Dave was asleep the whole way and Nick wouldn't stop farting. Or there's the amazing stays in hotels or brilliant 5 star meals or BBQing with every friend possible… You can forgive people for wanting to only post the most exciting parts of their  lives, I do the exact same thing but just once i'd like flick open the app and see:

Katie is thinking about staring at a tree.

It would probably get the same amount of likes anyway!

All that being said there are several scenarios that have grown into the very fabric of FB. Those things that happen which we all know about but either ignore, forget or are apart of. The ground to cover here is vast so I will move quickly;

The sheer anger towards each other in comment sections on a post nobody can even remember after the 45 replies is embarrassing.And it always ends with someone correcting someone else's fucking grammar, And no Michael Jackson isn't just here for the comments and popcorn.

People who re-post nonsense that starts with, ‘Most of your friends won't have the guts to re-post this’ can all suck a bag of dicks.

People who still play games and still send out invites - HOW ARE YOU STILL DOING THIS?

Click bait articles in which you never get the answer to the question posed in the headline which just makes me so mad I want to argue with anyone in the comments section.

When you see people still fraping each other and it depends on your mood as to if it's funny or not that MIke loves huge cocks.

And then there's this;

Saying Happy birthday on your birthday. I kid you not I have both posted happy birthday on a good friend's wall when he changed it for a joke looking like I have no idea when his birthday is and also missed a good friend's birthday because they took it down from Facebook. In fact the alert of someone's birthday on every single morning of every single day reminds me that i'm still friends with that person on here and that I should remove them from my Friends list, HAPPY BIRTHDAY INDEED! I do enjoy the Happy Birthdays on my birthday though, I wonder how many friends I lose on that day. Imagine that last sentence attached to real life, ‘I wonder how many friends I lose on my birthday’. Yeah thanks Facebook.

After all that nonsense there's then the people which I always say I will never be but will never know until I get there, Mums and Dads. The people who feel the need to show their children off to the whole internet every time he/she sneezes. Don't get me wrong, new parents I understand, absolutely, but there's a point where it surely must stop.

So proud of little Tommy here he is on:

His first day at school. 20 likes

At a swimming Gala 30 likes

Riding a bike 35 likes

Sleeping 100 likes.

FUCK OFF, i'm serious. How Is it that parents manage to escape the ability to realise that nobody else on earth is as interested in their child as much as they are. Well apart from the Savilles of the world but surely that's just adding to reasons why little Tommy on a bike should be kept to exactly that. I mean you wouldn't walk up to a stranger in the street and go, hey guy look at my kid in his new school Uniform, you like? Just give me a thumbs up and then tell all your mates to come look and give me a thumbs up as well.

Saying that I want to see pictures of your kids (sounds odd) about as much as I want to see pictures of your dinner. A friend of mine whatsapped me the other month (because nobody texts anymore. You all have that one friend that still texts you and you can't understand why) asking if i'd seen his dinner from the night before. What on earth happened before facebook/Instagram? Did people invite the neighbours over to look at their food before telling them to go away so they could eat it? Stupid thing is if someone stalks me ON FACEBOOK long enough i'm probably guilty of this myself. If like me as well you grew up with facebook when it first became a thing, I was at UNI. Hundreds of pictures of me being drunk and doing stupid things went up over a 3 year period. I was completely oblivious to the concept that my Parents Aunties/Uncles and all relatives may at some point join this network, leaving a huge window into my life open for anyone to see. Adam why are you in a shopping trolley at 6am? At least it's not my dinner!!!

While Facebook was the poster boy for socialising online there were many other apps following suit which had you mindlessly scrolling through smart phones as if other people were simply not in the room. To coin a phrase, does your phone want a drink? If it's not instagram with its crazy hashtags, #blog #tumblr #words #life #trees #Lettuce it's Twitter with well it's crazy hashtags, or SnapChat or Tinder or Fuckafish. I made that last one up but i'll bet if I had a quick look I would find an app for such means, probably endorsed by Bear Grylls.

With all this mindless scrolling going on we venture into the world of whatsapp. Past the causal 1-2-1s you have with your friends where you send constant pictures of yourself smiling like an idiot because you are bored of checking if your twitter post has been retweeted, there's the groups. Not as in Louis got the groups but the groups. You will have a group of friends group, a different group of friends group but with certain friends from the first group in that group, a family group and birthday group, a work group, without that dick from finance, a travelling in the car somewhere that nobody comments in anymore because you went wherever you were going group, a holiday group, a friend's pet group a... you get the picture. Your life is taken over when you wake up to 50 unread messages, mostly because Nick posted a funny meme or Rachel wants the money for the birthday present.You reply as thoroughly as you can copy and pasting Nick's now that you've woken up hilarious meme into several other groups,  pleased with the joke stealing laughs you are getting. Even if they all seem to be out loud. You find you have lost hours of the day communicating with people you could have just gone to see.

Further to that time wasting notion the creators then bought you whatsapp.web. Allowing you to have the app on your desktop, a sort of throwback to Messenger but with less smileys in people's titles and no nudge function. Shame on the no nudge function, loved having the feeling of a headache portrayed on a computer. So yes Whats app on your computer. At home. At work more like. With a million and one things to do, you are busy chatting to friends, family members and anyone who wants to listen. Tweeting about something completely unimportant, clicking through picture after picture of a lovely pie and mash or cheese board or a dog's dinner on Instagram only stopping to briefly stalk that girl you met last night on Facebook, she didn't give you her number but that's ok you don't need that. You've got a complete overview of what she's been doing for the last 10 years or so.Hell you don't even need an umbrella, it's not raining in your office.