#you know. that trope about two people that hate each other's guts and are struggling with a similar trauma

[schemelin]

More of my Lone Wanderer!

[rarepairnation]

LOLL i was gonna start like ‘hey there im denethor anon’ but u beat me to it. SIMILAR MINDS. Haha i read one of ur fics, was immediately smitten & was like i MUST follow them. (I’m glad i did, love the vibe of ur blog and the Flavour of ur opinions.. TASTY) so im a more recent follower but i’m gathering younger you weren’t a fan of denethor, huh? Can’t say i blame you. PJ certainly made some Decisions. he was like how do i convert a complex character into The most loathsome creature ever. He really did our fav gondorians sooo dirty. I literally watch through those scenes SEETHING in rage.

So I’ve been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for two days. like i am a denethor girlie. in my mind. spiritually. haven’t posted much abt him on tumblr. but nowww. you’re exactly right, ‘denethor Is a good leader…[insert ur paragraph here]’ yes yes yes you get it. listen denethor was a prideful, angry, resentful man but he was also valiant, resilient and noble. He guarded his city, alone (which takes GUTS, again, he was a badass!!), so well, for literal YEARS that Sauron was fearful/wary of him. i wish people were more understanding of him. he’s such an interesting character there’s so much to explore there. as you said the duty-vs-love, the weapon-first-person-next of it all. the layers. denethor as a weapon. denethor as a symbol of both sword/shield. AAHHH

BUT i think some people dismiss him hate him bc he is the mirror (the ugly side? if that makes sense) of humanity, of us. we ought to show him some compassion tho ‘cause havent u ever been taken under the darkness of life? felt the world slipping away & struggle to keep up w it? dont u ever feel hopeless? that things will never change, no matter what u do? DO YOU HAVE FEARS HAVE YOU FACED THE MONSTERS? WERE YOU ALONE, SCARED AND HOPELESS? AND HAVENT YOU MADE MISTAKES IN YOUR GRIEF AND PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY?? THAT’S what denethor experienced. He was described as a leader & a learned one at that for christ sake. He knew that evil was awaiting him and his kin and his people! he saw his future. yet. yet he soldiered on until. war declared. his sons killed (or so he believed). that’s when hope abandoned him. what was the point of staying alive now anyway? Evil was upon them, they would surely be tortured w a fate worse than death, so why should he not end the pain and kill himself? he fought the war against Time, Evil and The Dark Enemy himself and WON. he was a brave man indeed, to have fought these dark forces so much stronger than him. but he finally lost the war against Despair (and Grief), the cruelest of them all. imma cry 😭😭😭 no no no u don’t understand he didnt give up hope, hope abandoned him he- [GUNSHOT] (i don’t know how much of this even made sense lmao) anyway,

Faramir <333. do i even have to say anything about faramir? he’s the specialest little guy i love himm 🥰. On god i am one step away from rereading lotr just for him (plsss dont tempt me finals are in less than a fortnight) his and denethor’s relationship like u described my godddd XDD. fucked up familial relationships MY BELOVED. i am feral about this trope. the resentment… the jealousy… the mirror image of each other… the you’re-the-same-like-me-and-i-hate-that… mmmhm. hey do u ever think about 12 year old faramir admiring his father much the same way he did boromir and wishing he would grow up to be just like him? and do you ever think about 28 year old faramir knowing that he’s more like his father than anyone else and hating that? hating him? i do.

I’ll stop now lol im afraid my coherency has diminished by now. also sorry sorry for replying so late i am preparing for my exams. but rest assured i WILL be Rotating faramir around in my brain :3

hiiii denethor anon LOL this is the greatest ask ive ever received. every day i endeavour to provide only THE juiciest of opinions. aka this is my diary and you all are subjected to it. anyway im so glad you liked my fic i would love to know which one you read! i got into lotr via the films when i was super young so my past opinions were def coloured by The Choices. i have learned and grown since then<3 i was watching the book-to-film analysis vids on the extended edition dvds a couple weeks back and it made me so mad that i had to get up and turn off the tv. did you know there are other character options besides 'paragon of virtue' and 'one dimensional villain'...truly kind of a "nice dichotomy idiot! now what lies outside of it" situation. A Waste Of Your John Noble, To Be Honest. idk i still hold the films very close to my heart but the choices...i will simply respectfully disagree. and dont even get me started on faramir we WILL be here all night. another time. i have denethor thorongil situationship-fic to write. (i am serious about that) (i was simultaneously playing it 100% straight serious AND kind of joking about them. i shouldve known better. well.........we are so in it.)

you are so real for this. i have ALSO been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for days. weeks, even. sorry to everyone coming to the faramir goes to rivendell au for faramir and the fellowship the first 10k is literally just Keeping Up With The Stewards. we'll get there. i Will blame you for the impetus for my recent denethorposting on main but also encourage you to also do this. do whatever you want forever<3 nooo but straight up...guy who has so much strength and will that The Lord Of All Evil wouldnt contend directly against him and had to bring out the big palantir guns to bring him down. and if he'd not lost both of his sons i mean...who knows what would've happened. sometimes your sons ARE the only thing keeping you from killing yourself Do It For Them-style and lets be real that is a valid coping method. (i don't have an answer for that one and boy oh boy do i wish i did. it is going to become a massive thorn in my side in, oh, 70k or so when i hit rotk. well...i will blow up that bridge when i get to it.)

im actually putting a read more in this time bc this post broke a thousand words. continue at your own risk. there IS also faramirposting at the end here i promise.

just imagining denethor leading the siege of minas tirith. um. now stay with me here...riding out with imrahil's sortie. STAY WITH ME HERE. what do you think the livery of a steward going to war looks like. jesus christ i need to go lay down. yes i purposefully placed the read more before i decided to go momentarily horny on main. its also lowkey very vague au spoilers. sorry everyone but denethor IS canonically hot and we need to acknowledge it. Anyway.

denethor as a weapon denethor as both a sword and a shield...i am chewing glass for real. you GET IT. god i love person-as-weapon metaphor soooo much. When The Iconography Is Getting A Little Too Real. denethor as gondor, as her vanguard and standard-bearer and. i am straight up frothing at the mouth. all he ever wanted was to be a gentle lord in a time of peace.....and death was his reward...Sorry For Stealing The Fingon Death Quotation But I'm Right. so much of his behaviour and the strain on his relationships with his sons and all that is sooo...informed by the fact that to cope with having to be lord of a country at war he had to be so so unbending. he couldn't allow himself to waver, ever, not even for love, not even to save his sons.

did you know he was 21 when sauron returned. pov you are 21 years young and you have been alone all your life you are the steward's only son you are his strange numenorean heir and no one else has the LITERAL PSYCHIC POWERS AND VISIONS that you do and you have had to contend with that, alone. master your own mind, alone. learn how the shape of politics and lordship and life bends around you. and the dark lord the enemy who brought down your forebears has now set his eye on your lands again. Jesus Christ. How Would You Fucking Deal. sorry i would have a nervous breakdown and go and live in the desert. Man. TWENTY ONE? LIKE ME? most days i feel like a teletubby with a job and a credit card. if you scale it to account for numenorean lifespan inflation i mean i don't know how the math works but like. i bet it comes out to being like. 17. HELLO? basically everyone i know was barely a person at 17. the dark lord of all evil and he's MY problem to deal with?

i mean exactly. haven't we all been prideful and angry and resentful. haven't we all been there. once again [pippin voice] let's all understand poor denethor a little better. havent you ever been taken under the darkness of life [your paragraph here] yeah exactly what you said. the idea that he fucking won the war against the darkness and only lost to despair is..........so much! goodbye i have to go cry!

faramir, me AND fate's most special precious little guy....oh captain my captain....exactly. Exactly. i cant morally endorse a reread right this second but like. After. make it through finals and then it is Faramir Time. (and good luck! you got this!) tactical smartass little bitch master of both man and beast wizard's pupil (complimentary) star and hope and jewel of minas tirith knight in shining armour...my beloved. the idea that like faramir as presented, as the diplomat, as the scholar, as the numenorean, was supposed to be the one to go to rivendell...it haunts me. where is denethor sends the right son to do the right job.txt. he is gondor's no. 1 horse girl he is better suited to the wild than the battlefield he has read every sindarin text in the library he KNOWS the story of elrond and elros. he is literally telepathic and psychic and prophetic. thinking about him interacting with elrond and galadriel (and every other elf. but them in particular) makes me feel deranged. its very...self taught dnd wizard meets guy who went to wizard school energy. he's insane.

YEAH ITS CRAZY THAT THEYRE THE SAME GUY. it's. boromir gets to be boromir but faramir has to be denethor.txt. gracious and lordly as a king of old...now who is consistently referred to as noble and kingly...that a younger faramir would've looked up to...yeah. the perpetuation of denethor's second-best complex. i have a whole nother post in the drafts about that i CANT get into it here but jesus christ men who are NOT breaking the cycle. they even look the same. i mean 37 year old faramir as steward is 100% the spitting image of his father and that makes me....genuinely fucking insane actually. i mean like older councillors are doing double takes every time he walks by. i mean like sometimes people call him by the wrong fucking name. WOW where did that come from. the complex that that would give him...hello? turning this over inside my brain at WARP speed.

you are not late at all lol we are leaving little letters in each other's mailboxes to read when we have the time. i hope your exams go well!!! there will be more Faramir And Denethor Hours soon<33

[astralscrivener]

Re: The Fic Ask Game

20. 43, 77, 86

you don’t gotta answer all of these, I just wanted to give you options 🥰❤️❤️

Also bonus! #5 cause I want you to be able to hype your playlists if you’d like to 🥰❤️❤️❤️🤝

I love you E❣️🥰❤️❤️❤️🤝 have fun darling! 🥰❤️

5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

since these are fanfic asks i will drop links to fic playlists!

stealing our own place in the sun: season 4 | season 5 | season 6 | season 7 | season 8

at skyfall

secret project #1

secret project #2

20. what is your favorite trope to write?

oh god. it always ends up boiling down to "things are getting really dangerous and i don't know who we can trust, but if no one else, i trust you." the sheer fucking DEVOTION of it all. the only certainty in a world full of uncertainty. the anchor against the tides of chaos. it's SO. IT'S SOOOOOOO

(the "let's go undercover as a prisoner and the guard assigned to them" trope that i also always gravitate towards falls under this, imo)

43. how did writing change you?

it gave me an outlet. i have a lot of emotions all the time always and a lot of them very negative and writing has given me an outlet for them. sometimes i make a character go through bad things just to beat the shit out of them until i calm down. sometimes i make them go through bad things to get the catharsis of seeing them overcome it (the more hurt, the sweeter the comfort, and i love comfort). sometimes i make them go through things (usually emotional things) similar to what i'm going through so i can kind of walk myself through processing it. and sometimes i want to write a villain so i can get all my evil evil evil thoughts out onto the page without actually hurting anyone. except my blorbos and ocs. sorry to my blorbos and ocs. it will happen again

77. how do you write kissing scenes?

i don't

but the real answer is it's HARD. i struggled for a long time and then i got some really good advice and i cannot for the life of me remember where it came from. it might have come from a romance writing class i took for my mfa. it might have come from some blog, maybe tumblr, maybe elsewhere. or it might have come from nico beta'ing my fics. but the point is: the actual kiss is not the point

it's about the buildup. it's about the intimacy. it's not the physical action of the barbies smashing faces, it's the little touches as the people kissing pull each other closer, the little noises they make, the surging and swelling emotions inside of them. if two random people kiss and we just see their faces mash, it's not exciting. but if we watch them hesitate, if we watch their lips brush and they pull back, briefly, nervously, before surging back in for each other, THAT'S the good shit

anyway i hate writing kissing scenes

86. which season best matches the mood of your wip(s)?

oh god. gut reaction is fall or winter. on occasion spring or summer. i can come up with a justification for pretty much any season but fall and winter came to mind first. fall is a season of change. things are dying and decaying. it's a gorgeous time of year, it's my favorite season, but there's always a bittersweetness to it. and something about it feels dangerous. it's getting colder. the nights are getting longer. it's building towards the longest night of the year on the winter solstice.

and then winter is a time of freeze. everything is dead, slow, hibernating. things honestly seem kind of hopeless. but gradually the days start getting longer. resolve starts building back again. many characters are Going Through It, and there are always a few unaffected, maybe even strengthened by the cold and stillness to be the backbone of the group, carrying them through until spring comes again

where was i going with this

fanfic writer ask game!

[naktergalen]

Rivamika Fic Suggestions List 2

Hey there again! It’s been a while since my last rivamika post and I apologies for that. I caught the reading bug and have just been hitting book after book. I might be doing a book of the month suggestion starting in March. I’m still thinking about it but if that is something your interested in let me know. Or if you just want book suggestions just message or ask me. But for now, I’m back with my second Rivamika Fic Suggestions List.

First of all, I want to thank you for all the comments and messages I received from my first list! I think it has over 150 notes now which is crazy for me. I was going to be ecstatic if it got like 10 likes or something hahaha! I’ve enjoyed talking to some of you about fics and other snk stuff. Feel free to do the same after this post! I know I take awhile to respond but swear I get there eventually.

Same rules as last time. I’ve split this list up into four categories. I wanted to let people know the status of some of these fics in case they did not want to start an incomplete or in progress story. All of these fics can be found on AO3. I’m going to try to link them but we will see how tumblr acts today. If you have any fic suggestions for me, feel free to message me with them and I can add them on to the next list. If any author sees their story on here and wants me to take it off the list, please let me know I don’t wish to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Also, last thing, I highly recommend leaving comments and kudos to the authors. I know that they greatly appreciate it and it helps them with improving their writing through feedback. Okay shutting up now, ON WITH THE LIST!

DISCLAIMER: I know that not all of these stories are not for everyone, these are just my opinions and suggestions.

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Completed:

- Thunder Clouds

Author: K_Lionheart

Rating: Mature

Sometimes I like to go to the very back of the Rivamika archive on AO3 and look for fics that have gotten buried over time. Low and behold what I have found lol! I enjoyed the emotional roller coaster when I was reading this fic, though sometimes I wanted to pull my hair out. Set after the titans are gone, humanity has to repopulate so arranged couples by the monarch are made to be wed. While this new order is being enforced, Mikasa and Levi are trying to work out their strained relationship. A slow burn with angst that will have you staying up till 3am dying to know what happens next. I know that there is a sequel to this fic called Nimbus and I’m slowly working my way through that one. Honestly, it will probably go on my next list.

- Red is the Only Colour

Author: mongoose_bite

Rating: Mature

A cute fic that was a quick but wild ride. A Little Red Riding Hood type of AU where Mikasa is a hunter of some sorts traveling through a town. I don’t want to say how Levi plays into all of this since it gets border line spoilers but just know that he is there. It is an opening ending fic for the author to come back if they plan on doing so but it can be interpreted in different ways. All in all, a fic worth of the quick read.

- Sing Me a Song

Author: LazyTrash

Rating: Mature

First I have to get this off my chest, I love the author’s name hahaha! I freakin wished I would have thought of that for mine! Anyway, this fic is wonderful but I will warn you that its a gut punch. If you like hurt and angst put together, then this is the story for you. I love these types of fics because I adore them so much but they hurt me in my soul. I don’t know what that says about me but whatever. I don’t want to delve into the story too much for spoilers but I would suggest rivamika fans to check this one out.

- Midnight Musings

Author: Raewyll

Rating: Teen

I just started to read Raewyll’s fics so I’m slowly working my way through all her works. This one caught my eye and I had to read it. This is a cute take on a chance meeting through texting the wrong number. I love the way Levi and Mikasa’s relationship blossoms into something more serious after causally texting back and forth. It’s one of those stories that I can only describe as being cute as shit! I’m definitely going to be checking out more of Raewyll’s fic in the future.

Ongoing:

- Beyond the Walls

Author: helena3190

Rating: Matue

If you love RIvamika angst, then look no further than this baby right here. This is currently my favorite ongoing fic. It was supposed to be a shorter story, but the author keeps adding more chapters so I’m not complaining hahaha! This fic is pretty much how I would *personally* picture canon Mikasa on how she would deal with realizing that she’s falling in love with someone. Its mostly told in the perspective of Mikasa as she is dealing with the after effects of war and trying to figure out what should she do with her life now that she is no longer a solider. Her feeling for Levi come with a lot of confusion as she’s discovering emotions that she has never felt before. She has a hard time pinpointing on what exactly describes her relationship with him. I’m anxiously waiting for the final chapter for this fic and dying to see how it will end for Mikasa and Levi.

- After the War

Author: loneackerman

Rating: Mature

I am loving this rivamika slow burn fic right here. Its similar to Beyond the Walls but I think the author adds their own taste of the 1920s into it. Set after the war is over (obviously), Mikasa and Levi have to figure out what they are going to do the rest of their lives. It has great tension, a perfectly paced gradual romance and just the right amount of humor to combat the emotional turmoil it puts you through. Again in my opinion, this is close to how I would realistically perceive Levi and Mikasa’s relationship evolving. I’m really enjoying this story and I’m looking forward to more updates to come!

- The Sound of Lightning

Author: LycheeGreenTea

Rating: Mature

A new fic that is just getting started but I can tell that what the author has in store is going to be interesting. Set several years after the end of the war, Levi and Mikasa are loving parents to a single child. Their peaceful life comes to an end when the family has a threat against them. There are not many long fics about Mikasa and Levi being parent so I was very happy when this one popped up on the AO3 feed. An exciting adventure awaits the Ackerman family now and I can’t wait to see where this fic goes in the future. There are three chapters as of now so head over there and check it out.

Incomplete:

- Home

Author: MissErikaCourt

Rating: Mature

One of the gems I found when diving back into the Rivamika archive. Ugh I HATE that this fic is incomplete!!! Its a good long fic but I’m greedy and I need more! I will give a warning first that this fic does contain heavy themes. Mikasa and Levi are in the underground to fight against a criminal ring. This story is a slow burn with action and emotional trauma. There is a wonderfully written OC that you easily get attached to its not even funny. Even though its not completed, I would highly recommend checking it out. I still have three more chapters to finish but I had to put it on this list. I know that I’m going to be pissed once I reach the last chapter written. If someone know MissErikaCourt, let her know that she needs to comeback to finish this masterpiece!

- Shiver

Author: bornsinner

Rating: Mature

Another one that I DISPISE its incomplete!!! Ugh such a great Office AU. It’s everything that I would want in an Office AU setting. Mikasa struggles between her committed long term relationship and her growing attraction (which starts to develop into some feelings) to her boss, Levi. Its hot, sexy and intriguing and it pisses me off that its not finished! The author writes each chapter as a one-shot but collectively together they tell the whole story. Highly recommend even though its so short. BORNSINNER where ever you are in the universe I hope you come back to finish this!!!

- Two Lines

Author: Crejhov

Rating: Mature

When this was getting updated it was my favorite on-going Rivamika fic. I would find myself checking to see if the author updated with a new chapter every week! The unplanned pregnancy trope is a classic one, but Crejhov does a fantastic job on keeping readers enthralled with soo many anticipated character meet up that are bound to cause hurdles for our expecting parents. This story is told from the perspectives of Mikasa and Levi in order for us to understand where their mindsets are as they plan for their expecting child and deal with their relationship. AHHHHH I want more of this!!! I was soo excited to see where this awkward journey was going to take Mikasa and Levi. CREJHOV COME BACK PLEASE I KNOW YOU HAVE WORK BUT PLEAAASEEEE! I NEEEEEEDDDD!!!

- Cabin Fever

Author: AmayaOkami

Rating: Mature

All I should have to say about this is that its written by AmayaOkami and that should explain it. Amaya is the one that gave us the beautiful incomplete rivamika fic Romance and Rivalry. I just adore her writing. Levi and Mikasa relationship evolves as they are standing guard over the arrested Kenny Ackerman. Secrets are discover about the Ackermans and it gets pretty steamy between our two favs. Great fluff and great sexual tension that leaves you wanting more chapters! Again AmayaOkami where ever you went I hope for some miracle that you come back and complete this one too!

One-Shot:

- Jade

Author: shulkie

Rating: Mature

This one-shot feels like I read a novel, it has such a great storyline. An arranged marriage between Mikasa and Levi leaves the relationship strained in the beginning. Their relationship evolves over time as Levi patiently brings down Mikasa’s wall. With smut added for all of your one-shot needs. Definitely worth the read in my opinion.

- What Remains

Author: Mirime

Rating: Mature

This one-shot gives us a glimpse into the secret relationship that Levi and Mikasa have been having while there are still scouts. This fic is sad but I would say it has a bittersweet ending. I think this was supposed to be part of a collection but I can’t find the rest of them. Still a great read by itself.

- Agape

Author: alienheartattack (Sanneke)

Rating: Mature

This fic is cute as shit! A College AU where Mikasa and Levi are childhood friends. Levi has to deal with Mikasa being at the same college as him while he is struggling with his changing feelings towards a grown up Mikasa. Worth the read as I said cute as shit, leaves you all warm and fuzzy lol!

- As Seen in Shadows

Author: MoraLeeWright

Rating: Explicit

FUCKING MORA! LEE! WRIGHT! UFFFFGGHHH Fuck I’m in love with her writing style. I really have nothing to say more that just go read it! Its hot and sexy and the sexual tension is off the fucking charts in this one. Its just MoraLeeWright smut thats all I can say. It’s great! JUST READ IT LMAO!

- Remedy

Author: NSummer

Rating: Mature

Another hot smut one-shot coming your way! Levi and Mikasa have had an ongoing affair and this just recounts their first time together. Its just some good ol’ Rivamika smut that I think that everyone in this community would enjoy.

- Nutty: Drunk in Love

Author: Hallow17

Rating: Mature

A fun smut to read about Mikasa getting “revenge” on her asshole boss, Levi. Things don’t go the way she plans as things get a little heated in the sexy way. A quick smut that I think is perfect for a little Rivamika crave.

- Spicy: Jalapeno

Author: Hallow17

Rating: Explicit

Another fun smut to read by Hallow17. Levi has been stressed out at work and Mikasa finds a way to help him get his mind off it (if you know what i mean). Again perfect for a Rivamika quick fix.

[gracielitamargarita]

Thoughts on Kyoru in Fruits Basket: The Final as a manga reader

(and bad metaphors about lava cake)

So with next week's impending shit storm of a Furuba episode next week, I've been doing some reflecting on our favorite Mutual Pining Idiots, Kyoru--and thinking about how the anime adaptation's choices in rearranging or removing content has impacted things, specifically with Se3E6.

And just to preface, I think the anime adaptation has been terrific overall. I also think loving something and critiquing something aren't mutually exclusive either. The goal of what I'm about to write is not to incite negativity, just to get some feelings out about my favorite pairing from my favorite manga series and provoke some deeper thought, I guess.

ALSO, I hope you don't mind metaphors--specifically ones about chocolate-raspberry lava cake, because that's what I've decided works best for explaining Kyoru. So FASTEN THOSE SEATBELTS PEOPLE 

MANGA SPOILERS regarding previously omitted content as well as VAGUE ANIME SPOILERS that can be implied/inferred from the ending of Se3E7 under the cut.

I think one of the (many) reasons I find Kyoru to be such a satisfying ship is because of the slow-burn element. Come season 2 through the beach arc, their chemistry is palpable, natural, and growing stronger and stronger with each episode. When Kyo finally admits to himself that he's in love with Tohru in Se2E9, it feels like we've been rewarded with a chocolate lava cake topped with raspberry sauce--it's delicious, complex, and full of gooey and satisfying substance.

Now like many, I'm a sucker for the pining idiot trope--let alone the MUTUAL pining idiot trope--and we do get to see this through the end of season 2 as Tohru's feelings for Kyo become more apparent to everyone BUT her. It's like we're LOOKING at the chocolate-raspberry lava cake, so close that we can ALMOST touch it, but we as viewers aren't allowed to cut into it yet--which makes every little encounter between the two of them all the more exciting, because we wonder what's finally going to allow us to ravish this goddamn lava cake (sorry).

Which is why I realized I'm actually struggling more than I initially thought in the final season. As it's been widely speculated, discussed, and now officially confirmed, we're getting 13 episodes this season. And while like most everyone else, I'd be thrilled with two cours, I don't know the ins and outs of anime production, AND, while I'm bummed, I've accepted that it is what it is--and that it isn't the reason I'm writing this post.

Of course not every panel or fleeting moment can be adapted from the manga to the anime. There were small little cuts here and there over the course of the first two seasons, but nothing in my opinion that's really SO substantial that it drained the lava cake of its filling--maybe some of that raspberry topping, but generally, the good stuff is all there. (Though I do love this moment below from chapter 82, which was skipped over in Se2E19)

The final season has been different, though. As we know in the manga, the inner turmoil for Kyo--and Tohru to an extent--really starts escalating immediately after Cinderella-ish with Kyoko's backstory and Kyo's nightmare from chapters 90-93. I also understand that Cinderella-ish was Se2E23, and with only 2 episodes left in the season, it made sense from a directorial standpoint to end with the Kureno/Akito reveal versus Kyoko's backstory and Kyo realizing he needs to know his place.

But without this context, it leaves moments like the flower scene from Se3E2 less impactful--like a lava cake made by someone who skimped on the filling. To an anime-only (and even as a manga reader), it's likely still a satisfying moment to watch: we know that Tohru clearly has a lot of inner turmoil following her conversation with Kureno. Kyo's turmoil following his nightmare, however--and overall, the sentiment of him thinking he needs to stay away from Tohru, yet still finding himself drawn to her above all odds--is deeply diminished.

Which leads me to the main reason (finally, sorry) that I wrote this post--Se3E6, or the episode when Tohru finally admits to herself AND to Rin that Kyo has taken the place of her mother as the most precious person to her. 

In the manga, Se3E6 is made up of chapters 107, 108, 109, AND 114, spanning the end of volume 18 through the beginning of volume 20 of the TokyoPop mangas. Volume 19 in particular is one of my all time favorite mangas in the entire series for one clear reason: just as we've seen Kyo get to do in season 2, we finally get to see Tohru slowly own her feelings for Kyo, and MY GOD, is cutting into that lava cake and enjoying that delicious filling satisfying AF. The Mutual Pining Idiots are in full swing here, both dealing with inner turmoil but also being unable to stay away from one another either. In addition, they're dealing with normal teenage awkwardness too, which feels like a bonus topping (would nuts go well, do we think? LOL) to the Kyoru lava cake.

But between the producers adapting Momiji's arc prior to episode 6 AND the producers ending episode 6 with a 2-minute horror movie essentially--AND, lest we forget, none of the Kyoko backstory at this point--we lost essentially all of that satisfying filling. 

And again, I understand, only 13 episodes and the producers are trying to make shit work and I do see why they made some of these changes in the overall big picture of things, but I wish it weren't at the expense of Tohru's character development and also for Kyoru, which had been so thoughtfully and delightfully well-developed in the first two seasons.

My biggest issue BY FAR with episode 6 is Tohru's confession to Rin happening before the sheets scene. The producers combined 109 and 114 for the second half of episode 6. In the manga, Tohru is able to openly admit that Kyo is the most important person to her BECAUSE of how he accepts her after she "opens the lid" to reveal the ugly feelings she's been harboring for years about her father. And in the manga, since we have the context of Kyoko's backstory and can see how she nearly committed suicide and left Tohru alone for days, it is gut-wrenching to finally hear Tohru confront and express her trauma in her own words. 

The sheets scene is arguably my favorite scene in the entire series. The anime portrayed it beautifully. Jerry and Laura ripped my heart out with their performances. It was a deeply moving scene (even with all of the changes) and the romance and pining was there--but, I hate to admit it, the feeling of cutting into that delicious lava cake to reveal that even more satisfying filling was not.

And now, come the end of Se3E7, we're approaching the climax of the series that we've been salivating for for so long now, the result of all of this inner turmoil and secrets and deep, deep longing for one another--and it almost feels now like the cake was baked too quickly, in addition to being drained of much of its filling. 

I was debating waiting to write this until next week after we see how Se3E8 goes, but my thoughts have been swirling about and this clown couldn’t help herself. I'd like to end this post on a hopeful and more forward-thinking note, though, if you've made it this far into my novel LOL.

There is definitely the potential to add a little more about Kyoko's backstory in next week's episode. I also expect that we'll hear more of Tohru's inner narrative and thoughts, which I’m really looking forward to. As several others have speculated as well, I predict that we'll be getting chapters 119-122 next week. Despite it being 4 chapters, everything should happen in sequence (versus with episode 6) and there's a lot of action, so I do feel like it won't feel rushed or disjointed. And while I could see them possibly ending with 121, 122 would be my preferred ending for many reasons (manga readers know where I'm going with this ;P) and I honestly see it fitting best there.

And regardless of what happens, I'm looking forward to eating whatever variety of lava cake is served to us next week.

And at the end of the day, we'll always have the manga, which will probably always be my favorite lava cake of all.

(and now I'm hungry for an actual lava cake)

[writtenonreceipts]

Square One

Of all the tropes I love the most in fanfiction, single parent au’s are at the top but they are few and far between. I took matters into my own hands here.  IDK how many chapters this will be to be perfectly honest.  IDK how consistent I’ll be on updates, so prompts are always welcome for this fic or just in general too.  Enjoy. Based on characters from the Throne of Glass Series

An Elorcan fic

Warnings: None

A warm breeze billowed around Lorcan Salvaterre as he got out of his weary old truck.  The door creaked loudly as he slammed it shut and moved through the parking lot of Riftfold Elementary School.

As he popped the collar of his jacket, Lorcan muttered a curse.  The last thing he wanted to deal with was picking up his son early from school.  It wasn’t that Lorcan didn’t love his son and was eager to see him.  But the circumstances were less than ideal.

Running a hand through his hair, Lorcan entered the front office of the school to find his son slumped down low in a chair.  His son was distinctly looking away from everyone.  Especially the girl beside him.  At six years old, his son had too much attitude for his own good and Lorcan wasn’t sure how he was going to handle it.  Tavish, unfortunately, was more like him than Lorcan wanted to admit.  He had the same black hair, same broody temperament, same penchant to get into trouble.

Really, Lorcan shouldn’t have been surprised his son had ended up in the principal’s office in just the second week of school.  It was a miracle that Tavish had made it this long.

It was of course Lorcan's fault too.  He didn’t know how to be a father and it showed.

Principle Havilliard, who had to be at least three years younger than Lorcan stepped from his office.  He was dressed in a blue button up and slacks looking far more pleased about the day than anyone should.

“Lorcan, thanks for making it so quick,” Dorian said.  He extended a hand, which Lorcan shook hesitantly.  The two were barely acquaintances and if Lorcan was being honest was fine with that.  “We’re still waiting for Marion’s mom.”

Lorcan glanced at the girl and froze.  Another curse rose on his lips.  He knew exactly who the girl was and who her mother was.  Marion had her mother's large brown eyes and thick dark hair and pale skin.  Despite the serious expression in her eyes she seemed like a sweet girl.  As far as Lorcan could remember, Tavish hadn’t had any issues with her before.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” a woman burst into the office.  She was small, her dark hair swept into a messy bun.  She still wore a black apron slung on her hips, a myriad of pens and straws sticking out from the pockets.

“Hey Elide,” Dorian greeted.  

She shook his hand and offered another apology before her eyes landed on Lorcan.

Elide Lochan was an enigma.  She was smart and capable with a silver tongue of fire.  And yet, Lorcan never knew for sure what she was thinking.  He didn’t really know how she ended up barreling into his life but he did know neither of them were comfortable with the other.

At least she managed a slight smile in his direction before she glanced anxiously to her daughter.  Marion quickly became invested in her shoes.  Lorcan felt his gut drop when he got a good look at the woman and he realized that he knew who she was.

“What happened?” Elide asked.  She only spared a brief look to Lorcan before turning away.  It was easy to see the discomfort in her eyes.  Not unexpected.  Lorcan was nearly six-foot-seven, built to play football and had plenty of scars from a rough childhood.  He wasn’t the kindest looking man.

Dorian sighed and stuffed his hands in his back pockets. “Marion?  Would you like to start?”

“She’ll tell it wrong!” Tavish exclaimed.  He finally unwound himself from his seat and sat up.  His hair fell in his eyes but he hastily brushed it away. “It wasn’t my fault.”

Marion shrank back into her seat, finally looking at her mother.

“Tavish,” Lorcan warned, “Principal Havilliard asked Marion to speak.”

His son sighed far too loudly and flung himself backward into the chair.

“It’s okay, baby,” Elide said softly as she knelt next to her daughter's chair and patted her knee gently. "Tell me what happened."

Lorcan watched the girl sit forward in her chair, instinctively leaning towards her mother.

"They took my stuffed animal," Marion said.

It was then that noticed the small plush dog clutched beneath Marion's arm. Elide let out a long breath.

"And?" 

"They threw it in the mud." Tears began running down Marion's cheeks. "I asked them not to, I used my words like you said."

"I know baby," Elise whispered. Lorcan could see the sorrow and pain flash across the young mother's face. He'd never officially met Elide Lochan before. Only once  and Lorcan had made himself look like a bigger ass than usual.

"Tavish told them not to," Marion added. "But they didn't listen."

Tavish sat up a little straighter at Marion's admission, slight pride on his face.

"They were being really mean," the boy said. "And we're not supposed to be mean. Even though you brought a stuffed animal to school."

"It was for show and tell!"

"You're supposed to bring something cool like a rock or a worm."

Marion made a face and shook her head rapidly. “Ew.”

While Tavish threw his hands up in an exasperated sort of way, Lorcan noticed the small smile flash on Elide’s face as she stood.  She was young, younger than Lorcan had initially realized, but that didn’t seem to change the hard resolve she held on to.

“So, what’s the plan Dorian?” Elide asked. “It doesn’t seem like they actually have a problem with each other.”

Lorcan tried not to react to the casual way Elide spoke the principal's name.  Of course she knew him.  If Elide Lochan was friends with the same people Lorcan knew--she would know Dorian.

“Right,” Dorian said, clearing his throat.  “Let's go into my office for this.  Candice can watch the kids for a minute.”

The receptionist gave a little wave from behind her desk and brandished a few coloring books and crayons.  This wasn’t good.

Lorcan glanced at Tavish who did not seem pleased with the arrangement.  But the only other option was to take his kid and run.  Which admittedly would not reflect well on him.

It seemed Elide held the same reservations as she wound her fingers together.  She ultimately agreed with a nod and untied the apron from her waist and folded it the best she could while following Dorian into his office.

Once the door was shut and they were all settled in their seats, Dorian spoke.

“I don’t really know how to say this,” the young man said leaning forward slightly, “but from what Mrs. Talon has said both Marion and Tavish struggle with making friends.”

Lorcan was glad he wasn’t the only one who winced.  Beside him, Elide pursed her lips as she stared at the principal.

“They would both benefit from having someone to talk to in and outside of class,” Dorian continued, “and I think they could potentially get along pretty well.”

“Really?” Elide asked.  She crinkled her nose and jutted her thumb at Lorcan. “Because I hate him.”

“You know the fourth of July thing wasn’t my fault,” Lorcan said with a glare.

“Oh do I?”

“Please Lochan.”

“You’re just mad because the girls soccer team kicked ass this summer.”

“If I remember correctly, you did a lot of heavy flirting with the refs all summer long.”

Her dark brown eyes bore into him with enough intensity that Lorcan was sure he would combust.

“Seriously?” Dorian asked.  He had a slightly bemused expression on his face as he glanced between the two of them. “Maybe I should assign the two of you as buddies for the school year.”

“No.” Lorcan and Elide said at the same time.

Dorian grinned. “Fine.  But I do think you two should make an effort in seeing if Tavish and Marion can be friends.  It might make them do better in class and stay out of trouble.”

Lorcan loosed a breath.  He wanted what was best for his son.  He also knew that his son, like him, struggled with basic human interaction sometimes.  And if this would help Tavish bridge gaps in how he interacted with other kids--well it was something Lorcan would see to.

“We can try,” Elide said finally.  She ran a hand through her ponytail, trying to keep the loose tendrils under control.  

“Sure,” Lorcan said.  

Dorian nodded.  “Good.  Let me know how it goes.  If it’s an utter disaster, I know Mrs. Talon will let me know and we can try something else for them.”

Lorcan decided then and there the arrangement would only last a week.

#

Of all the humans Elide had to deal with she would have rather it be someone other than Lorcan Salvaterre.

As she left Dorian’s office, her stomach cramped with unease panic.  Marion was struggling more than she’d realized.  Why had she brought her favorite stuffed animal to school?  Usually Marion was more cautious than that.  The girl was absolutely obsessed with the thing and would never want anything to happen to it.

“Momma?” Marion chirped.

Pulled from her thoughts, Elide looked to her daughter.  The girl was already standing with her backpack ready to go. 

“Is it time to go?”

Elide wiped the worry from her face and nodded. “Of course, baby.”

Still stretched out on the floor, Tavish scribbled all over his piece of paper with a black crayon.  He did so with such fury that it was a miracle he didn’t rip a hole in the paper.

“Black’s his favorite color,” Marion said.  She tilted her head to the side and puckered her mouth. “I dunno why.”

“It’s a blackhole!” Tavish yelled.  He very carefully ripped his black picture from the coloring book and held it up. “It eats everything!  Like a vacuum.”

Elide was surprised when Marion let out a giggle and shook her head softly.  Oh dear.  The two of them were going to become friends and then Elide was going to have to deal with Lorcan Salvaterre for the rest of her life.  Oh hell.

It wasn’t until they were out in the parking lot that Elide turned to Lorcan.

It had been a few weeks since she’d seen him.  Not since the last game of the little league soccer tournament.  And of course her girl’s had kicked ass.  But being so near Lorcan again was unsettling.  Mostly because she never knew what he was thinking.  He was impossible to read, to know.

“I’m taking Marion to the park on Saturday,” Elide said reluctantly, “to kick a ball around, have some fun.”

Lorcan raised a brow. “Not working?”

Sighing, Elide shook her head. She tried not to let the comment bother her.  It was common knowledge to anyone who knew her, even briefly, that she worked multiple jobs.  She didn’t have a choice, really.  But it was not something she liked talking about.

“No,” she said lightly. “Not this weekend.  You and Tavish are welcome to join us.”

She watched as Lorcan ran a hand over his stubbled chin. 

“You really want to go along with this?” he asked.

“If it means helping my daughter, yes.”

“You hate me,” Lorcan reminded her.

Elide cracked a smile while Tavish and Marion examined rocks piled at the edge of the parking lot.  She had the sense that he was teasing her because for all of Lorcan Salvaterre’s bravado--it was obvious he cared for his son and would walk through fire for the boy.

“And you hate me,” Elide said.  She called out for Marion while turning to her beat up car that could possibly break down at any moment. “At least we have something in common.”

Marion ran over and tossed her bag into the car before settling in her seat.  Elide offered a brief, pained, smile to Lorcan before getting in the car herself.

She was able to hold herself together until she pulled out of the lot and onto the main street.  It was then that she let a tear leak from her eye.  Breathing heavily, she brushed her cheek.  There was no reason for her to be upset.  Marion wasn’t really in trouble at school.  Work was fine with letting her leave her shift early.  Salvaterre hadn’t been a complete ass.

There was no reason for her to be upset.

“Momma?”

Elide looked at her daughter through the rearview mirror. “Yeah baby?”

“I’m sorry I got in trouble.”

“No baby, you did nothing wrong,” Elide assured her.  

“Then why did you come?” Marion asked.  She was taking care to pick off dried mud from the stuffed animal, her little fingers making very little progress.

“Principal Havilliard just wanted me there, to make sure you were okay.” Elide wiped another tear from her cheek.

There was no reason for her to be upset.

“Mommy, why are you crying?”

Elide bit down on her lower lip and did her best to laugh. “I just missed you today, that’s all.”

Marion made a small noise before speaking again. “Can we go to Auntie Manon’s?  I wanna see the puppy.”

“I’m sure you do,” Elide chuckled.  Her best friend had adopted a new dog and puppy was not an accurate description for the creature.  Putting on her best smile and cheery voice she glanced back at her daughter. “Let’s go see that puppy then.”

#

Again, I’m not sure where this is going, but felt the need to write elorcan and a single parent au, haha...thanks for reading! My ask box is always open for this fic or any other too.

tags:  @tottenhamboys20 @morganofthewildfire  @aelinchocolatelover @more-espresso-less-depresso-xx

[milkpuddjng]

sex education s3 thoughts!

oh my god. so many thoughts. i’ve never been too into sexed just cause. but i have SO many opinions about this season and they NEed to be heard. i think i’ll also be making a post about young royals later on so. yes.

i think i’ll just. start off by saying. what the fuck was that? the only enjoyable characters to watch this season were Adam, Ruby, Aimee and the adults. the rest of the cast (that I had originally really enjoyed watching the first two seasons) were absolutely butchered and made to serve extremely boring, there-for-the-sake-of-it ideas. like?? huh?

for one, Otis felt like. an absolute loser this season. not just because he is the archetypical “loser”, but also because he was just so. bland and had such little zest. i understand that the whole point of the season was that he had no more clinic and couldn’t help people and therefore felt like a dampened version of himself, but wtf? his excuse was terrible. that in no ways would make you as different from your original self as you are in this season! the way he went about his relationship with his mum was good though - that was quite nice to watch. but his friendship with Eric this season just felt.. forced. it didn’t feel like it really did anything with the narrative, they were kind of just there for each other as fodder. and and GOD the character just flip-flopped between being spineless and an asshole, and it really didn’t read well with me. I thought the delicate kind of balance and characterisation of Otis they had in the first two seasons really fell through and it’s honestly a shame they let him ‘develop’ into this in this season.

and don’t get me started at ALL on Eric. to me this was the worst and most cruel character DECIMATION this entire season. my reading of Eric was as someone who had only recently developed into his gayness. he had only recently reclaimed his own identity and found pride in his gayness and flamboyance. this being a way-too-overdone gay trope aside, I had originally rooted for him lots in the first two seasons because it felt like he was doing it at his own pace and slowly getting comfortable with that. in s3 though, it feels like he is condescending BECAUSE of this confidence, and frankly that really just did not sit right with me. they made Eric out to be cruel, tone-deaf and insensitive. throughout the entire s3, even in his scenes with Adam, he’s uninterested, and really doesn’t show much interest in Adam apart from wanting a relationship and all its physical and social perks. he’s so preoccupied with having a Perfect gay relationship and takes no interest in actually knowing more about Adam, and that honestly really rubbed me off the wrong way, especially with the way their relationship was portrayed as being more emotional and something vulnerable in the last seasons. Eric this season felt like he was making use of Adam the whole way, and what was originally something I was looking forward to a lot in this season ended up being the thing that disappointed me the most. and i’m not sure if it’s the writing or not, and the lack of material for them to work with, but the chemistry between them this season was so lacklustre. really really disappointing.

fk i hate tumblr. i wrote a whole thing about adam and how much i love that his line was written in a delicate and sweet way, but it got deleted. rip. anyway i liked his relationship with Rahim, Ruby and interactions with Ola far more than his relationship with Eric, and I enjoyed how he became sweeter and more delicate towards Ms Sands and his own mother! to me this season was about him unlearning and trying better to relate to the people around him, and connect with himself on a deeper level and it was really very sweet to watch as that panned out. would have loved to see more interactions of him and Ola and them confiding in each other, but I swear if he and Rahim’s friendship develops into a romantic relationship I would lose it. ok but i love stoic boy learns emotions for people around him trope and the scene of him crying on the bridge really fucked me up :”) OH and i also enjoyed how the entire Groff family had their own individual developmental arcs this season, and i really hope that means something for them as a family unit later on and their reunion as a healthier, albeit un perfect still family.

on the topic of people who deserved more! i think viv for sure. i frankly don’t understand the point of giving her a hot boyfriend and of not exploring her friendship with Jackson more. not TO mention the own blandness of Jackson’s character,,, god. they had so much to work with and truly just abandoned it all. it made sense to me that she would engage in such ‘treasonous’ behavior with Hope and all, but I didn’t understand what the sexy boyfriend and sexting did for her character. i would have much preferred deep emotional talks between Jackson and her, and of the three of them solidifying as a solid friend group. would also have appreciated her becoming better friends with Cal but. wtv. very disappointed with her character this season, especially because her and Jackson’s friendship last season was done so well.

and on Jackson and Cal, i like Cal lots. really. but i really didn’t see the narrative function of their character in the show this season. while I really respect and enjoy the show’s decision to have more diversity of representation etc., i thought Cal as a character was quite unnecessary, especially because this season proved that the writers were struggling a lot to develop everyone’s characters and their backstories etc. Cal, while fun, just distracted from existing relationships and characters the show would have benefitted from exploring more. and i just didn’t see the chemistry between them and Jackson, idk at first I felt it but after a while it didn’t seem very genuine or legit to me and it felt even a bit forced. idk if this is unpopular but i honestly really enjoyed Jackson with Maeve a lot more. this was in my opinion, quite a disappointing match-up. also i missed Jackson’s mums - thought it would have been nice to spend more time thinking about that and showing that relationship as well. also didn’t think Jackson doing drugs was like. necessary. it was nice but like. ? i didn’t see the character development with that.

Maeve and Isaac. i really started off season 3 hating Isaac’s guts, but i thought that as the season went on, I really saw the chemistry between them which I truly thoroughly enjoyed. I also don’t know. why and how Maeve is still attracted to Otis - frankly, Isaac understands her way more, and allows her that much independence that I felt was necessary for her growth. Oh but I did like Maeve’s growing into accepting help and setting down her pride - especially in her relationship with Anna. i felt Maeve was more or less stuck in the same place as last season save for her letting down of her pride though. although her and Aimee as usual! were very enjoyable to watch.

ok i think this is all i have to say for sexed for now, when and if I do find more to talk about i will uPdate this!

[bee-calm]

hi i hope it's ok if i ask your opinion on a few tbhk ships? terukane and mitsukou? i'm just curious!

dw im always happy to ramble about stuff !!!

under the cut bc, like usual, this got way too long

okay first up, terukane. man. i have a Very complicated relationship with this pairing hhfgfhf lots to unpack here. i do actually like it quite a lot still even though i dont talk about it much (i know a lot of people dislike it so i kinda just keep my thoughts to myself), but its also definitely one of those ships that just. Wouldn’t work in a canon context. they’re both pretty awful to each other for various reasons and akane is. you know. Akane. so there’s his whole weird obsession with aoi to factor in- so as they are in canon right now i really can’t imagine them as having a healthy relationship at all. it kind of rubs me the wrong way when people depict them in an actual relationship (beyond like. awkward one-sided feelings) exactly as they are in canon without any development, because it just wouldn’t be good for either of them. 

HOWEVER in an au context or even a post-canon context where they’ve both worked through some of their issues and gotten to a point where they can see eye to eye a little better? that i can get behind bc their dynamic is SO fun. theres just something about the ‘im supposed to kill you but for personal reasons i will be falling in love with you instead’ trope and the prospect of teru liking the SINGLE person who absolutely hates his guts which really gets me. u cant beat the ‘two bastards you would only ever willingly inflict on each other’ dynamic

so yeah i definitely have a love-hate relationship with terukane, mainly because im not a huge fan of how akane’s character is written and handled, but i do still like it quite a lot. i mean i wrote a 40k word fic about how they could potentially fix their issues and start to work well together, i think thats pretty telling hhdgdhd

mitsukou now... comfort ship...... might as well be canon at this point bc come on. have u seen them.

mitsukou really means a lot to me because they’re just two characters that absolutely understand each other and make each other better people just by being around. kou really seems to catch onto the deeper meanings behind the dumb stuff mitsuba says, so he’s not thrown off by his insults or the fact that he hides when he cares about stuff- and on the other hand mitsuba really seems to notice when kou is struggling, something kou really doesn’t even seem to catch onto himself, most of the time. they just complement each other so well and it makes me really happy. soulmate behaviour, you know?

theyre probably one of my favourite ships to write too because theyre just SO ridiculous and i love them for it- mitsuba doing olympic-standard mental gymnastics to avoid admitting to himself that he likes kou versus kou falling head over heels but still being like [is this a pigeon meme but replace pigeon with ‘good platonic friendship’] is an absolute delight to imagine. they both care about each other so much too even if they bicker a lot, and its just... man..... i love them

dont even get me started on how much borderline canon content they have too- looking at you, minamoto ‘how about i die too so we can stay together forever’ kou- i think one of the main reason they’re so enjoyable to make content for is the fact that they have such a well fleshed-out relationship even in canon, so theres a lot to build off !!!

they genuinely just make me so happy- they work so well together and they deserve the world (even if they do make me sad ALL THE TIME)

[bylerchoseme]

lol sorry I just happened to see you on a post where Elsa and Anna are being used to show "loving looks between lesbians“ or w/e and judging by your comment about how Elsa looks at ( HER SISTER WHO IS NOT HER FUCKING LOVE INTEREST) Anna, apparently you are into incest. It’s fine as long as you’re supporting lgbt+ right? sorry but you’re fuckin wack bro. At least find characters that aren’t siblings in their story to ship jfc

Welcome! Thanks for giving me your time. I must be important to you, right? Considering my love for Elsanna interests you, allow me to tell you how it is. I am gonna go ahead and jump right into the part where you said “it’s fine as long as you’re supporting lgbt+ right?” First off, I want you to know I’ve accepted my sexuality since I was 14 years old. I am a bisexual and have been for 13 years or so that’s what I am trying to convince myself. As a matter of fact, I am into girls more. I still struggle with labeling myself as a lesbian even though that’s the truth because my family is homophobic. I don’t need to support LGBT+ because I am a part of the community.

There are PLENTY of LGBT+ ships that I could easily ship in television and movies without the incest component. Do you know why I can’t get into them? Do you want to know the reasons? Most of them lack the things Elsa and Anna have together. There is raw chemistry with Elsanna for just being labeled as sisters. That type of top notch romantic chemistry is very difficult to find in other couples. Elsanna is animated and yet they blow all real LGBT+ couples out of the water. The writers tried desperately to give us a supposed sisterly dynamic where they can’t keep their hands off of each other due to 13 years of separation and failed to make it come across as family.

Often times, I ask myself how in the world did the animators manage to design two hand drawn fictional characters in a way where people need to question why they weren’t girlfriends in the first place? When Frozen came out in 2013, there wasn’t such thing as kids making their Elsa and Anna dolls kiss or asking their parents why don’t they act like sisters or comparing Elsa and Anna to their parents relationship or saying they should marry each other, etc. Even people that hate incest Elsanna were able to admit something was off between them. I won’t forget a comment on Twitter where the user was alluding to the fact because Elsa doesn’t have a romantic love interest is why she has such strong romantic chemistry with Anna. People are pointing stuff out regardless of whether they agree with Elsanna or not and that takes guts.

I am an OG Elsanna shipper. F2 convinced me there is no one else in the world for them. Elsa and Anna are taken with each other. They know it. The animation team didn’t try to hide it. People in general know it. If Anna and Elsa didn’t have romantic tropes and constant touching which is uncommon for normal sisters, I wouldn’t be an Elsanna shipper. I didn’t decide to ship them because I wanted to shove incest in the haters face. That’s where you’re mistaken. Unrelated LGBT+ couples pale in comparison to Elsanna and that’s one opinion of many out there.

You felt the urge to message me because you know deep down I am right. If you didn’t agree with me, you wouldn’t try to guilt trip me. Just for the record, there isn’t any canon couple in Frozen or Frozen 2 that is thoroughly developed or worthy of my time. Besides the parents, KA is the other canon couple. My stance on K*istanna is poor. They’re wrong for each other in a zillion ways and I won’t root for them just because they aren’t Elsanna. I am not obligated to make you or anyone else happy. Go cry tears elsewhere.

I can tell by your last sentence that you would rather me ship E*samaren. Unfortunately, you won’t be getting your wish. I am a proud Elsanna shipper and always will be. Nothing you say is going to change my mind. If you’re so bothered by my incest posts, block me. No one is forcing you to like Elsanna. I could care less if you do or don’t ship them. Elsanna has a massive following anyway. I don’t need you.

Elsa looks at Anna like she is the love of her life and vice versa. She doesn’t have eyes for anyone else. When you accept Elsa doesn’t have a love interest because Anna stole her heart, we can have a different talk. The crew played you. The crew played all of us. Sisters is a label and that was never their intention. Actions speak the loudest. Elsanna is gaining new shippers. The entire Frozen team made sure of that. Open your eyes. The sooner you see the truth, the better.

I could go on and on about Elsanna. My heart is passionate about them. At the end of the day, I don’t need to convince you why I ship them. I have my reasons and that’s enough for me. I don’t owe you an explanation. I won’t pretend to not ship them to satisfy you. It’s a lose, lose situation for you. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

Take care anon.

[kateknowsdramas]

hi! what are your fave dramas of all time? (:

Oh, Nonnie. You had to ask me the most difficult question, didn’t you?  I have such a difficult time making decisions. I have 19 (soon to be 20) 10/10 dramas on MyDramaList so I guess I’ll list some of the ones that should be 20/10. 

Hospital Playlist

This is the medical drama that’s not a medical drama. It’s all about the friendship of our leads. Their humor, loyalty, struggles and how they come together as a team to support each other through it all. Plus, the cutest little U-Ju! I couldn’t be more in love with a show and I’m so happy we get to see them back for Season 2.

My Country: The New Age

Angst. More Angst. Topped with a boatload of Angst. But, man, this show is a masterpiece. Woo Do Hwan, Yang Se Jong and Jang Hyuk are the trifecta of amazing actors (and the rest of the cast is stellar). It will punch you in the gut but from the first episode, it’s a fantastic ride. 

Mystic Pop Up Bar

It’s amazing. Honestly. It’s funny, moving and the writer doesn’t try to pull tricks on the audience. What you think is going to happen, happens but knowing it doesn’t lessen the suspense. This is the first Hwang Jung Eum show I’ve liked because she balances the silly (that doesn’t go over the top) with heartfelt moments. 

Fight My Way

This will always be on my list. Park Seo Joon and Kim Ji Won make magic in this show. Friends to lovers is a favorite trope and they are so perfect together. The secondary couple makes it even better and there was never a moment where I was bored. 

Just Between Lovers

Ugh. My traumatic babies. I just love this show that focuses on two very broken people healing from their past and how they go through that struggle together. Junho and Won Jin Ah are amazing together. Great, now I miss them.

What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim

It’s Park Seo Joon and Park Min Young? Do I have to say more? Aside from their amazing visuals, what I love most about this show is that it subverts to many tropes. Horrible parents? Nope? Halfway point break up? Nope? Second lead drama? Nope. Creepy power dynamic? Nope. It’s just a fun, sweet show about our OTP and how they come together in the end. The office staff are equally as fun and sweet. Plus, one of the hottest love scenes in a drama period.

One Spring Night

A soft, quiet show that really gets to the heart of love, loyalty and that everyone is worthy of someone to love them the right way. Not only is the OTP amazing, but the stories of the sisters and how they support each other is fabulous.

Be Melodramatic

What can I say about this show other than it’s hilarious, heartfelt and healing. Three H’s! The cast is fantastic and there’s so much meta in this show. I haven’t laughed so hard during a show probably ever. I mean, it’s worth watching for the Whisper Fight alone.

Extraordinary You

So..so...meta. It’s a show that people either loved or hated. I loved it. Sure, the story got a little bogged down later in the show, but that didn’t take away how much I loved the creativity of the story and rooted 100% for our OTP. 

Thirty But Seventeen

We all had the same thought starting this drama. How are they going to portray a love story between a mentally 17 year old woman and a thirty year old man without it being creepy and gross? Well, they did. And it’s probably the best ‘healing’ drama ever. Again, this show avoided so many tropes - no noble idiocy or villains. All the characters were so pure.

Encounter

I love me a Noona romance and this one delivered. Again, it subverted some tropes while it embraced others but still managed them well. Park Bo Gum and Song Hye Kyo were so well matched and I rooted for them all the way. 

I think I’ll stop there or you’re going to get a huge post! Thanks for the ask, Nonnie!

[crimsonbluemoon]

2, 2, 11 with h2ovanoss

Okay, as a disclaimer, I am not a HP fan and therefore I only read books 1-4 and that was well over 15 years ago. Also, I think I only saw the movies like, once. I also didn’t even really watch the last 3 because I was bored. So I did my best with research and what not but…yeah. Enjoy. 

AU: HogwartsTrope: Enemies to loversPrompt: “I know that it’s the thought that counts but this doesn’t even look like you thought about it.”

Pairing: H2O Vanoss

“Evan.”

“Jonathan.” The stiff greeting between the teens was enough to make Tyler roll his eyes. He stood by Evan, because after dealing with his stupidity for six years, he still had pride and an unwise affection for his fellow Gryffindor. It was probably the same for Luke by Jonathan’s side, and despite the crinkle of his nose when seeing the green scarf laying over the other’s shoulders, he had to respect his dedication. An arched eyebrow and a slight tilt of Luke’s head toward Jonathan and Evan was enough to prove he was just as done with whatever was going with their best friends. 

It was the worst kept secret in Hogwarts; no matter how much the two boys claimed to hate each other, it wasn’t distain or disgust reflected in their weak barbs and increasing interactions. Maybe at first, it had been honest dislike that made them seek the other out. Evan and Jonathan had been in transfiguration class their first year, which Tyler had the unfortunate honor of being apart of. He’d seen Jonathan’s accident when trying to change his cup; the spell had completely missed its mark, mostly because Jonathan was distracted by something he’d never admit to, and hit Evan. Though Tyler had assumed that the aloof idiot wouldn’t know enough to really do anything harmful, he’d hadn’t known who Jonathan’s parents were at the time. The fact that they let someone with his raw power and terrible trauma into the school felt reckless to Tyler, but Headmaster Lui always just smiled whenever someone spoke of ‘the Delirious curse’, though none ever had the guts to call him out on his decision to allow Jonathan into the school. 

Either way, Tyler and the rest of the class was left stunned at how quickly Evan’s arms turned into wings, and the young Gryffindor was replaced with an owl in seconds. The silence that had filled the room was broken up by Craig’s laughter, and then the whole class was unable to stop. No matter what Professor Stabbies did, everyone continued to snicker at Evan, who was now pulling out his feathers and hopping around the table in anger. It took a bit to get Evan back to his normal form, and Jonathan did attempt a weird apology, but Evan had refused to accept it. 

And thus, the ‘rivarly’ began. Pranks, sabotages, and insults were slung around daily for the first two years, with neither boy caring how many times they got punished. Points were taken out of their houses so often, that Tyler had put in three formal requests to have Evan and Jonathan counted in their own tally. Because of their stupid bickering, Hufflepuff won the House cup the first two years, which Nogla and Scotty never hesitated to rub in Tyler’s face whenever they crossed paths. 

Then, after one nasty fight, Evan had uttered the words that had changed their dynamic. In his best friend’s defense, Jonathan pushed it too far, tossing all of Evan’s belongings into the lake during their finals. Both boys, stressed about school and struggling with their sexual identities, had to be held back by Brian and Ryan. Then, Evan’s mouth had torn through the air without warning. 

“You really are crazy! Just like your parents, and their parents before them. Mad with power is right; you’re really gonna turn into another Delirious.”

Jonathan’s pale face and broken eyes was enough for everyone, including Evan, to know how far over the line he’d crossed. Tyler wasn’t really sure what happened after that; he’d taken a few weeks away from Evan after tearing into him for his mistake. He’d heard that Evan had been miserable and Jonathan practically a ghost on campus, and maybe there had been a talk between the two of them in the forest. But when he finally let his anger settle, he was surprised how normal, yet not normal, Evan and Jonathan were. 

They still fought the years after, but the bite and fire that fueled the arguments was weak. It was almost…playful by the end of the third year, and fourth they were all but best friends. They tried to keep up the ruse, which only new students and Nogla ever took to be true. Brock and Marcel were sure that the two were dating by the fifth year, but Tyler knew they were too dumb to actually recognize their feelings on their own. So on they went to sixth year, and despite it being time for the holidays, the two idiots actually still thought they were enemies. 

“You heading out for the holiday break?” Tyler asked, hoping to break the weird half-glare, half-moon eyes the duo were giving each other. 

“Nah, we’re staying here this time,” Luke answered, nudging Jonathan’s side with a grin. Jonathan looked away from Evan to send a glance to his best friend, an exacerbated look on his face. Luke, unlike Jonathan, had a loving home with parents that would happily take both boys in for the holidays. But Jonathan never accepted, and after the second year, Luke started splitting his time between going home and staying with Jonathan. 

“You don’t have to-” Jonathan started, but Luke waved him off.

“What about you two? Staying here or leaving?” 

“We’re on our way to the trains now,” Tyler answered, nodding to the suitcases they’d abandoned in the snow when Luke and Jonathan approached. 

“Did you need something?” Evan finally got his brain back online, and Tyler caught the easy rise of color crawling over Jonathan’s face. 

“N-no!” 

“Didn’t you hear em, idiot? They’re leaving; you have to give it to him now.” Then Luke was pushing Jonathan forward, grinning far too wide at the panicked shout Jonathan gave. Evan, showing how much he hated Jonathan, moved quick to steady the other, hands seeming comfortable resting on Jonathan’s biceps. Evan’s eyes glanced down at the hold, his own face quick to change color, but he didn’t pull the intimate touch away.

“This is so pathetic.” Tyler mumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose to push back the headache. He moved away from the duo to stand by Luke, feeling the sigh that dropped from the Slytherin’s throat. “What’s your boy play?”

“Made Evan a gift for Christmas, because that’s what you do for people you hate,” Luke answered, and Tyler wanted to kill both boys who were now stuttering around a conversation Tyler was grateful they were too far back to hear.  

“If they don’t fuck by the end of the year, I’m charming them into a closet.” Tyler snarked out, eyes narrowing at the balled up something now being thrust from Jonathan’s hand into Evan’s chest. “What the hell is that thing?”

 “A scarf.” 

“That looks like a ball of shit.”

“Yeah, I know. I said to him ‘I know that it’s the thought that counts but this doesn’t even look like you thought about it.’ cause that thing is ugly. Do you know how many times people in our house tried to throw it away? That fourth year John tried to burn it. I almost let him. But Jon worked on weeks on it, and if anyone was going to appreciate that hideous scarf-” Luke didn’t have to finish the statement; Evan’s eyes were full of awe as he fluffed out the scarf, proudly ditching his other other to wrap the mess of red and gold around his neck. Jonathan’s face was red as he stammered through something, but whatever he was spouting out meant nothing when Evan yanked the taller boy forward into a kiss. Jonathan’s eyes were wide for only a moment before they fluttered shut to sink into the connection.    

“Oh thank God.” Tyler leaned his head back with a shout of victory. Luke laughed loudly, his arm dropping over Tyler’s shoulders in mutual shared joy. 

“It’s a Christmas miracle, after all.” And Tyler couldn’t help but agree, even if it came from a Syltherin. 

Sure, he had to throw snowballs at the two ten minutes later (“Don’t you two need to breathe?!”)  to get them to stop kissing, but it was worth it.  

[aion-rsa]

Vikings Season 6 Episode 13 Review: The Signal

https://ift.tt/2LdN22M

This Vikings review contains spoilers.

Vikings Season 6 Episode 13

“If anyone kills him, it should be me. A brother’s privilege.”

Like most shows, Vikings is at its best when the action and dialogue flow easily, and the seemingly disparate storylines offer some measure of cohesion. Even though there’s still significant physical and narrative distance among them, “The Signal” presents highly satisfying developments in Kiev, Kattegat, and aboard Ubbe’s ill fated voyage. 

It’s never easy to understand the Lothbrok brothers, and the circuitous route that eventually reunites Ivar and Hvitserk provides an opportunity for both to confess their true feelings about their strained relationship. While Ivar recognizes his brother’s emotional weaknesses and has always been willing to forgive any perceived lack of loyalty, this physically brutal confrontation ironically sets the stage for the alliance that allows Prince Igor to escape Kiev. To this point the action sequences have been relatively light, but when Hvitserk holds Ivar’s swordlike crutch aloft, his decision to throw it aside rather than impale his younger brother speaks volumes about the blood that flows through their veins.

Of course, the exchange begins when Hvitserk turns Ivar away from seeing Oleg, and we’re still not certain how things will transpire as we watch Oleg and Katia peering down on the brothers as they scuffle in the street. When Oleg tells Ivar that “I believe he loves and hates you in equal measure,” in retrospect, Ivar’s response appears to function as a means to keep the prince in the dark about the plan to leave with Igor. This introspective scene works because we still don’t know whether Katia has betrayed Ivar’s confidences about Igor, and with all the talk of killing, the threat hanging over Ivar’s head appears to increase. 

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Though the brotherly reconciliation remains tenuous, Hvitserk’s suggestion that they use the impending Easter celebration as a distraction forces Ivar to make a decision about how much faith he puts in his brother’s assessment of the situation. When Katia, adorned in a striking white fur coat and matching hat, comes to retrieve the young prince for his escape, the narrative flow embodies equal parts hope and danger. Watching a bloodied man struggle with a realistic facsimile of Christ’s cross momentarily distracts Prince Oleg from the clear and present danger the Lothbrok brothers represent, and when he suddenly notices Igor’s absence, the tension escalates. The ill-advised trope of a guard preventing Ivar’s cart from leaving the city burdens an otherwise perfect sequence. True, from a storytelling perspective, this cart search could go either way, but allowing Ivar, Hvitserk, Igor, and Katia to escape and make their way back to Kattegat to ultimately face King Harald makes for much more compelling television.

Ubbe’s decision to leave the Icelandic colony hopefully leaves that story behind in favor of the dark intrigue surrounding Kjetill and his family. Now, however, caught in the midst of a terrible storm, Ubbe and Torvi may not have to carry through on their undisclosed plan to deal with Kjetill’s atrocities. Though it seems unlikely this is the first storm these seafaring people have experienced, its ferocity signals an impending doom that leads to an emotionally crushing scene when Torvi’s child is swept overboard. 

Never given enough screen time, Georgia Hirst (Torvi) gives an absolutely gut wrenching performance as she desperately clutches her newborn son Ragnar while frantically searching the ship for her daughter. We see the heartbreaking image of the child’s vision of a sea monster seconds before succumbing to the vicious waves, a call back to the story Torvi tells her as a means of calming her fears caused by the storm. Once the storm abates, Ubbe must face the ramifications of his decision to take his family on an expedition that leads to the loss of yet another child and whether Torvi holds him responsible for this tragic event.

As viewers navigate the turbulent waters of the Vikings landscape, all signs point toward a convergence in Kattegat. It’s fascinating to watch the wives of Bjorn Ironside delicately maneuver both their relationship with each other but with opportunist Erik as well. Gunnhild knows she’s the best choice to lead Kattegat, but must now contend with Ingrid as well as Erik who disingenuously claims he has no desire to rule. We’ve watched a number of sleazy characters come and go during the series’ six year run, and while Erik may not sit at the top of the list, he certainly deserves consideration. This is the crown Ragnar Lothbrok forged we’re talking about.

Nevertheless, Erik’s insertion into the election process pales in comparison to the unexpected resurrection of King Harald Finehair. His entrance is nicely foreshadowed by the strangers who steal into Kattegat, murder a guard, and seemingly set out to wreak mayhem. But we’re not sure who they are or from where they’ve come which adds to the already tense situation that surrounds the election. Whether he anticipated this or not, when the dead guard’s body is discovered, the alarm sounds, and the election process is interrupted giving Harald the perfect opportunity to make his dramatic entrance.

That Kattegat conducts free and democratic elections speaks to Ragnar’s legacy, but like most political processes, the true intrigue remains hidden behind the scenes. Vikings has certainly presented its fair share of supernatural situations, most often centering on some sort of ceremony or a mysterious meeting with The Seer, but “The Signal” takes that aspect of the show to a new level when Ingrid reveals another side of herself that likely won’t end well for her. Clawing away at the rocks sealing Bjorn’s tomb, we’re immediately struck by her desperation, but what happens next opens up a fresh narrative detail that takes viewers into new territory. Summoning Frey and Freya’s magic, Ingrid performs an erotic, yet frightening ritual that probably won’t sit well with the community should she be discovered. Again, Erik’s presence as he peers into the tomb to witness Ingrid’s prayers seems a bit too easy since we know what comes next.

Harald’s entrance, however, changes the dynamics and takes away much of the power inherent in Erik’s manipulative schemes with Gunnhild and Ingrid. Of course, it’s impossible to ignore the irony of the last meeting between Erik and Harald as Finehair lay gravely wounded on the battlefield. Though we generally abhor Harald’s methods, there’s a certain charismatic quality he exudes that transcends this behavior. Will the election even continue now that he reminds the people he has already been chosen king of all Norway precluding any need for Gunnhild and Ingrid to carry through with what he now views as political theater. Or, do Erik and the two wives of Bjorn Ironside take a page from the Kievan playbook and plot to eliminate Harald from the equation and secure the throne for themselves? 

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Will Ivar bring Prince Igor to Kattegat and prepare him to eventually claim the Rus throne? Will Ubbe and Torvi find their way back to Kattegat and search for new meaning after the disastrous voyage? And will Gunnhild stand by silently and allow Harald to run roughshod over her plans for the village? “The Signal” seamlessly weaves the three threads together setting into motion a much more expansive tale as Vikings moves through its sixth and final season.

The post Vikings Season 6 Episode 13 Review: The Signal appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/382S6jO

[officialthiamlibrary]

Any recommendations for enemies to friends to lovers fics or something along those lines? I would really appreciate it.

Get ready because Thiam is basically the personification of this trope so there are a lot.

tear out all your tenderness by @crownedcarl

There’s a quiver in his voice when Liam leans his head against her shoulder and says “I hope it’s love. I’m trying really hard to make it love.”

[TeenUp / 5.2k / complete]

Handle With Care by @AttemptedEloquence

chi·me·ra, noun. Definition: a single animal or plant with genetically distinct cells from two different zygotes

chi·me·ra, noun. Definition: a thing that is hoped or wished for but in fact is illusory or impossible to achieve.

chi·me·ra, noun. Definition: a monstrous creature with parts from multiple animals.

chi·me·ra

noun.

Definition: a boy who's done too much bad to be considered good and too much good to be considered bad.

alternately, Theo's back from hell and there's a lot of shit to sort out. Liam helps with that, sometimes.

[Mature / 56.8k / wip]

The boy I shouldn't want to love by @dan13la-blog-blog

Liam comes back to Beacon Hills after years, when his mother decides to get remarried. His big shock is finding out that his new step-father's son is the same guy that back then in elementary school used to bully him, making his life a literal hell...

[TeenUp / 92.1k / wip]

My Nemesis by @bookwyrm07

Super Wolf and Chimera have been assigned to be nemeses by the organizations that manage these things. Things were going great, until it was time for Liam and Theo to take off the masks and help their friends move in together.

Can they maintain their friendships and working relationship without killing each other?

[Mature / 4k / wip]

I won't die for you (but maybe I'll stand beside you) by @iwritefanfictionsometimes

Liam is an idiot who can't keep his mouth shut and now his mother is expecting a boyfriend for Christmas.

[Mature / 14.4k / complete]

Vacancy Signs by @lovelylittlegrim

Theo and Liam are on the opposite side of the United States when the apocalypse breaks out. Now, they have to find their way back to Beacon Hills without getting eaten by zombies or killing one another.

It’s hard.

[Explicit / 89.6k / wip]

Rivals AU by @thiamlife

they don’t even play the same sports, but both teams don’t take the other really serious and they constantly prank each other and make fun of each other. Theo, captain of the Football team, and Liam, captain of the Lacrosse team, and they both claim they can’t stand each other and it would be all so easy if it weren’t for the fact that both find their counterpart more than just attractive and maybe one of their screaming matches on the field ends with them furiously making out under the shower after everybody else is gone. And maybe it becomes a regular occurrence from then on; first, they fight and bicker and then they make out. And maybe it’s getting harder and harder to pretend they hate each other’s guts because there is far more between them than just attraction. Oh, well, nobody has to know, right?

[NR / 89.9k / complete]

Man of my dreams by @louis_wife505

Liam struggles with his sexuality after being plagued with wet dreams about Theo. Theo just wants to help Liam... Any way he can.

[NR / 20.1k / wip]

Mirror of Origin by @formerprincess

Liam is a young, reckless archaeologist who loves nothing more than to climb into old tombs and find out about ancient cultures, as well as retrieve lost artifacts. On his hunt for the Mirror of Origin, he meets a mysterious group of people claiming they have the same agenda as Liam himself: Rescue old artifacts from the ruins around the world and exhibit them for the people to see them or keep them locked away to avoid them falling into the wrong hands. Especially one of their mercenaries, Theo, makes it hard for Liam to accept working with them in order to get this one special artifact cause Theo and Liam butt heads since their first meeting. When things turn for the worst, however, both have to work together to literally save the world from getting destroyed by an ancient power and maybe, just maybe, they realize the other isn’t as obnoxious as they thought…

[NR / 16.8k / wip]

of hate and stronger emotions by @marauders-mess

He hates faes.

That's it, there's no pun, just a fact.

[TeenUp / 3.2k / complete]

What should have happened at the zoo by @fandomtastic

Everybody sees it as Liam makes Theo a better person. Liam brings out the good in him. Liam helps him be a good person.

But it wasn't a one-way street.

Theo helped Liam control his anger. He knew what it was like to be angry. He let him be angry.

[TeenUp / 704 / complete]

You painted blood on my stars // all I want is to keep you warm by @tenthousandfireflies

Liam doesn't understand why he always gets angry at Theo and feels the need to punch him whenever he's around. Which is a lot of time since Scott keeps sending them away in the woods to "check on things".

[TeenUp / 15.4k / complete]

Scars of the Heart by @katzaren

When Liam rides into the Wild Hunt, Theo's soulmark reveals Liam's name in white scars. Theo thought soulmates were stupid before, but he’s in love with the idea of Liam being his soulmate. First step, get Hayden out of the picture. Second step, get Liam to believe in soulmates. Next step, romance? All while a supernatural vs. hunters war is going on. What can go wrong?

[Mature / 19k complete]

All the quads are my friends by @teen-wolf-af

Liam and Theo go to Figure Skating Worlds in Milan, ready to prove themselves to the skating world and end up falling in love along the way.

[TeenUp / 10.8k / complete]

Apparition Love by @Oxycodone

It's been a couple months since the last standoff with Monroe and the Anuk-Ite. Liam has gotten a job at the behest of his parents and the majority of the pack has left for college, leaving behind only Mason, Corey, and Liam. A certain chimera goes missing and Liam has a difficult time coping with his sudden disappearance...until he finds a special visitor sleeping in the stall of his job's bathroom.

[Mature / 6.4k / wip]

It is what it is by @athenaeums

He can feel his heart hammering, his skin itching to explode and all he can see is Theo’s face bloody and bruised, it’s all he wants. But something is holding him back, something is trying to push his energy away from Theo and back inside. His body is screaming to beat the life from the arrogant, selfish boy below him but his mind – his mind is fighting every move he makes.

[Gen / 5k / complete]

Unsatisfactory Situation by @Anonymous

Where Scott’s pack are the supernatural ‘police taskforce’ of Beacon County, defeating evil, one bounty hunt at a time.

A murderous hunter? Easy. A troublesome Kanima? No problem. An evil fugitive chimera? Ah.

Well, Scott doesn’t have a beta for nothing. Time for the aspiring alpha to prove himself leader worthy…

[NR / 7.4k / wip]

Expiation by @lovelylittlegrim

Theo thought he had more time to make up for his wrongdoings, but he doesn't. So, he makes a list.

[Mature / 4.1k / wip]

All you wanted was right in front of you by @laheysmythes

the one where after Liam realizes that he has been in love with Theo for the better part of 11 years, he looks back on their life together and wonders how he never realized it before.

[TeenUp / 6.1k / complete]

Leather Bound by @lovelylittlegrim

Liam should have known it was a bad idea in the first place.

AKA: The fic where Liam tries to prove Mason wrong and ends up with an unwanted companion.

[TeenUp / 1.8k / wip]

Guardian by @kb928

After the defeat of the Anuk-ite and the disbanding of the hunters, Beacon Hills was quiet...too quiet in Liam’s opinion. Only three things remained a mystery.

1. Why did he decide taking AP Biology was a good idea?

2. What was Theo spending all his time doing, and why did he show up to weekly pack “meetings” looking like some high end model, fresh off a magazine cover shoot?

3. ….why did he care so much about what Theo was doing?

[Mature / 43.1k / wip]

Astripta by @marauders-mess

Liam saw black and white since he had memory.

Theo see things, feels things, taste things the way they’re not supposed to be.

[TeenUp / 3.5k / complete]

Coup de Foudre by @teen-wolf-af

When Theo Raeken is the only member of his pack left standing, he goes to find the True Alpha that everyone had always talked about. Scott McCall's pack is not what he expected: they are against violence and Scott listens to what the other members of his pack have to say. Most importantly, almost none of them speak Theo's language.

[TeenUp / 3.4k / wip]

[thecloserkin]

fic rec: we get dark, only to shine by anghraine

fandom: The Borgias (Showtime 2011)

pairing: Cesare Borgia/Lucrezia Borgia

word count: 168k, unfinished

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: Yes

Is it endgame: Yes

Is it shippable: Yes

Bottom line: hi my name is asdfghhkl i’ve been in fandom half my life and this is without a doubt a top 5 fic for me. i mean i got to the end and i went right back to the beginning to reread it

This is a Season 1 AU where Cesare and Lucrezia are each other’s first loves, as they ought to have been. First of all I absorbed more Borgia history via this fic than three published biographies put together (Sarah Bradford, Lucrezia Borgia: Life Love and Death in Renaissance Italy; GJ Meyer, The Borgias: The Secret History; Christopher Hibbert, The Borgias and Their Enemies). I found myself looking forward to the end of every chapter so I could devour the footnotes. This is a meticulously researched, perfectly paced, ingeniously plotted gem of a story that made all the historical details relevant. It is also a very cerebral story, which is not to say it didn’t sucker-punch me in the gut, just that it isn’t rough around the edges — it is SHARP. Lucrezia and Cesare are whip-smart; all the secondary characters are smart; the author is obviously brill and you, dear reader, better bring both your brain cells if you want to keep up.

To set the scene, we are in Rome at the beginning of the papacy of Alexander VI aka Rodrigo Borgia, the first pope to openly acknowledge his children gotten out of wedlock. The primary thing to understand about the Borgias is they are FOREIGNERS. They are from Valencia and their native tongue is Catalan; and while Cesare, Juan, Lucrezia and Jofre may have been born in Rome, foreigners they will forever remain in the eyes of the xenophobic populace. Rome is a cesspit of backstabbing and the Borgias are an unusually close-knit, insular clan. Here is an overview of Cesare and Lucrezia’s codependent-from-the-cradle relationship, intensified ofc by the hostile environment of Rome:

At first, Lucrezia would scream whenever the nurse took her away, and sneak after him at all hours. Cesare scarcely spoke, except to her. They looked like kicked puppies.

Yet it had always been that way with them: Lucrècia a little queen reigning over their games, Cèsar devoted to her.

he never paid much attention to other women around Lucrezia, even when she was little more than a prattling child.

Cesare had woken with Lucrezia in his bed more times than he could count. At eight, twelve, a newly-returned sixteen, he often opened his eyes to his sister sprawled beside him or curled up under his blankets. On more anxious nights, when she had an unpleasant dream or felt particularly troubled, he would find her pressed against him

“When he left for Perugia, one might have believed him going to his gallows. Their letters must have stripped a forest.”

Ok not to be an incest junkie on main but shoutout to the Childhood Bedsharing Trope. “When he left for Perguia” is when he went away to university, leaving Lucrezia disconsolate. When he came home following this extended absence is when her feelings for him flowered into sexual desire. The fic opens on the eve of Lucrezia’s marriage to Giovanni Sforza. Her impending nuptials are causing her anxiety:

”But I am a Borgia. I should not be afraid of anything.” “Nonsense,” said Cesare, “I fear dozens of things, myself.” “You?”

So much to unpack here:

being a Borgia means never letting the world see your weakness

Lucrezia’s hero-worship!!! she obviously thinks he’s the bravest person she knows

Cesare confessing his vulnerability, his fears, chief of which is “I fear most of all for your happiness. I shall not be able to ensure it from so far.” i am y e l l i n g

To relieve her anxiety about pleasing her bridegroom, she convinces Cesare to give her KISSING LESSONS. That’s how it starts. Did someone say I Want My Brother to Be My First because I love this song.

“Is there no one else?” he demanded. She tilted her head inquisitively. “Is there a man you would rather instructed me? Really, is there another man you would permit to touch me? To even remain alone with me? Juan? Should I ask him instead?” “No!” Cesare scrambled to his feet.

She knows exactly how to push his buttons, doesn’t she? She baits him with the idea of another man touching her—specifically Juan, his archrival—an idea guaranteed to get his blood up, and Cesare instantly shoves his scruples aside. A kissing lesson ensues, Lucrezia is married shortly thereafter, and that’s how things stand when this fic diverges from canon: Cesare stops by Pesaro to visit Lucrezia.

Now we all know how Lucrezia’s first marriage went—her husband treated his horse a sight better than he treated her. And we see her struggle with telling Cesare the truth about the abuse, because the importance of the Sforza alliance must stay Cesare’s hand from his natural impulse to pulverize anyone who hurts Lucrezia. I like how this fic draws a distinction between the family’s reaction and Cesare’s reaction:

as soon as Cesare understood, he would be set on vengeance. Any brother would, even one less devoted than Cesare. Jofrè would probably cheer him on. Juan would have strung Sforza up already. And of course, Cesare was Cesare.

Juan and Jofre are her brothers too, and neither of them would have let Sforza’s behavior slide. Cesare, though, is on a whole other level. Cesare actually sees red. The most romantic thing he does in this entire story is play chess with Lucrezia all night to spare her the nightly ordeal of marital rape. That was the first night. The second day he has Micheletto loosen the girth of Sforza’s saddle to cause a nonfatal riding accident which—honestly it makes way more sense thematically for the brother who loves her more than life to do this, than for an untutored stableboy whom Lucrezia met 5 minutes ago to suddenly exhibit master assassin skills?!! Fuck canon, this is what happened. Also fuck insta-love, I’m so glad Cesare and Lucrezia are head over heels for each other rather than some randos.

His pulse quickened in his throat, yet it was nothing he had not seen before, when he read to her until she fell asleep, talked to her as she sulked in her room, sat at her bedside wiping cloths all over her feverish head.

I’m so soft for this!!! Tfw it’s not the physical proximity to your sibling—that part’s familiar—what’s new is your feelings shifting like tectonic plates?? Askjdfkdjfd.

The thing that really precipitates the affair is Lucrezia’s brute of a husband, obviously. This fic has one or two Giovanni Sforza POVS and it does such a great job of depicting that discomfort of being laughed at by people smarter than you. Sforza was strong-armed into this match and he feels slighted by the choice of bride—because she’s bastard-born, because she’s Spanish, he thinks he’s married down. This brings him into inevitable conflict with Cesare, who will brook no insult to Lucrezia on his watch:

“My sister, Lord Sforza, is a daughter of Rome. Roman-born, Roman-bred, Roman to her fingertips. Is it not so, Lucretia?”

The POWER of this line—remember when i said the Borgias are forever seen as outsiders despite being BORN IN ROME? i felt that.

Perhaps their mother was right, and she loved him too much. Too much, at any rate, to spare that kind of love for anyone else. Sforza was a monster, but if he had not been, she still would not have loved him.

Vanozza is very perceptive; she fears her children’s all-consuming love for each other leaves little room for other attachments AND SHE WAS RIGHT. To put it baldly:

They had spent their hearts on each other, all they had to give, with only scraps left for anyone else.

“I am your brother, Lucrezia … There is a word for this. I would not have anyone say it of you.” “A word for what? … For loving me more than the baronessa Ursula, or some other woman you only half-know?”

THERE IS A WORD, Cesare intimates. He won’t even say it aloud. But this black cloud of rumor and innuendo that hangs over their family is not going to dissipate just because they refrain from giving into their feelings. The first time Cesare heard someone call his sister a whore, she was literally four years old. They’ve had to guard their hearts their whole lives because there is no one they can trust outside the family — and yet the family itself is riven by strife and jealousy (Lucrezia has a good laugh when her maid mistakes “my brother is coming to dinner” for “the Duke of Gandia is coming to dinner”— as if Juan would ever visit her in Pesaro!):

“I am the only person in the world you love without qualification or resentment or confusion, aren’t I?” “Yes … Well. Some confusion.” “And yet you pull away from me. You have spent our lives pulling away from me, because--what? There is a word? You will not even say it. Why should we care if people who hate us, hate our blood and our language and our father, use one more insult? For heavens’ sake, Cesare, you yourself told me that this friar in Florence preaches against my hair.”

!!!! The dig at Savonarola I fell out of my chair looooool

“We have no real friends here, do we? We don’t even have allies beyond the Sforza. Everything depends on Papa. If anything happens, perhaps--perhaps it would be better to go home.” “We could run away to Valencia,” he murmured, eyes distant, almost wistful.

They never entertain this as a serious possibility because “anything is better than obscurity” and sry2say a modern AU is the only place these kids are going to get a happy ending. They’re too ambitious and fiercely protective of their family for aught else.

the affinity they’d always felt flaring to life, the certainty that he could depend on her abilities as well as her loyalties. Together they had outwitted Giovanni Sforza and all of Pesaro; now there was the Pope, their family, Rome, and then--all of Italy? The world? Why not?

I say again, HE COULD DEPEND ON HER ABILITIES AS WELL AS HER LOYALTIES. Because they’re a team. Picture Cesare and Lucrezia, weapons in hand, back to back holding off a horde of enemies—but like, metaphorically. That’s the kind of partnership they have, that’s the kind of trust they share.

he would put her before ambition and glory. Even their father had not … Cesare wasn’t like the Pope. He loved her more than anything.

Meaning there are things her father would put before her happiness, but there is absolutely NOTHING Cesare would not do for her. What woman could resist this utter unhesitating devotion when it is laid at her feet??

gazing at her with all the adoration he had never offered to God

He would never hurt me. If she knew nothing else, she knew that.

She resolves to consummate their relationship, despite all her knowledge of sex being bound up with pain. Like, she literally doesn’t know if sex can even be pleasurable for women, but she wants Cesare in the face of her fear, which is impressive and heartbreaking:

there were Roman courtesans who knew something of him that Lucrezia did not, and it was intolerable. She wanted everything.

Yessss she already has the rest of him, she just wants this one last piece of Cesare to belong to her too. And as for Cesare, this is the first & only time physical attraction and emotional connection have been united in the same partner:

he had never been one to stay in a woman’s bed, afterwards, but he felt no inclination to move.

She laid her hand against his face, rubbing her thumb over his cheekbone, gazing at him with her impossible mix of steady, companionable affection and rapture.

He had long known that he did not love anyone as he did Lucrezia; now he could not imagine desiring anyone as much, either.

What I love is that the romantic/sexual aspect is just another layer overlaid on what has always been the most important relationship in their respective lives; it doesn’t change the underlying dynamic:

“Have we been mauled by bears, do you think?” “Nothing so dramatic, I’m afraid. We would need scratches for that.”

This is them putting their clothes on after an assignation in the woods (they go riding a lot). What strikes me is the companionable tenor of their conspirational lies.

She relished each touch, yet there was something ordinary in it, familiar and commonplace. Your cross is crooked. Your cap is falling off. Let me adjust your sleeve. I can mend your tunic. They had always been peculiarly domestic together, a comfortable intimacy they never repeated with their brothers.

hello siblings being simultaneously incestuous & domestic is my kink byeeeee

“Cesare,” said Lucrezia, eyes widening, “am I your mistress now?” “You are Lucrezia Borgia. The Pope’s daughter and my beloved sister. The man who calls you anyone’s mistress will lose his tongue. As for you and I, we are what we are. I love you. We belong to each other. That is all.”

NO LABELS WE JUST BELONG TO EACH OTHER. Favorite favorite favorite line forever

His sister, his — lover? How could he give up either? What have I done?

Please picture me shoveling popcorn into my mouth as I type this. This is the pinnacle of everything I love about incest ships. You don’t fuck your sister unless you fucking mean it. It’s like you’re married from the first kiss. As Lucrezia explains later to someone who has ferreted out their secret: “He is not some lover to be mourned and forgotten. If I lose him over this, I lose him in everything.”

You can’t date your brother casually, the stakes are HIGH.

A lover is invented in order to explain Lucrezia’s love bites and torn clothing to her maid. Micheletto accepts this explanation as well, until one day he realizes the true state of affairs, and it’s such an innocuous little moment, it’s not like Micheletto wALks iN On tHEM or anything similarly dramatic, oh no. He is watching them—he is always watching—and he must have picked up on some subtle cue of body language or something bc all of a sudden it hits him they’re in love:

Valentino bent his head down; Lucrezia was saying something, Catalan, scarcely comprehensible through her heavy accent and giggles--Micheletto thought it had to do with the Duke of Gandía and a race. Whatever it was, Valentino whispered back to her, mouth against her ear, and they burst out laughing. There was no lover. He could not say, exactly, how he knew for certain then, with no proof, and not before or after. But he knew it. There were no others for them, no room for others: only Valentino and Lucrezia, and Micheletto watching over them.

The perfect encapsulation of this show tbh!!!

They are recalled to Rome to attend Joffre’s wedding to Sancia d’Aragon. They leave Lucrezia’s recuperating husband behind in Pesaro.

“If this all depends upon the impression that Juan makes--” “God help us,” said Cesare.

first of all, FINISHING EACH OTHER’S SENTENCES. but also, this is a delicate mission Juan’s been dispatched on—sent to Naples to woo Jofre’s bride—and i am l i v i n g as I watch Cesare & Lucrezia bond over their low opinion of Juan’s diplomatic mettle. it reminds me of that scene in S2E1 during the masquerade ball when Lucrezia asks Cesare if he can make her laugh, and IMMEDIATELY he causes Juan (who is dancing) to take a humiliating stumble and then Lucrezia & Cesare choke back giggles behind their masks. What’s great about returning to Rome is we get to see them interact with the rest of their family. The Pope is wroth with Cesare for staying so long away and for ignoring his summonses, but Cesare tells him the truth—that Lucrezia needed him:

“Your daughter, Holy Father, could wring concessions out of a saint, and I am anything but that.”

The audacity!! Cesare straight up confessed to fucking the Pope’s daughter but he said it flippantly, so Alexander heard what he wanted to hear.

Then there’s Giulia, who takes one look at Lucrezia and detects the glow of first love. Lucrezia fobs her off with the same story of a clandestine lover, assignations in the woods, etc.:

“Swear to me that you will not repeat what I have said.” “To your father? I already promised that.” “To anyone! … Father would separate us. Juan would kill him. If my husband discovered it …” Lucrezia shuddered. “That would indeed be a disaster,” Giulia said, “but I think you have forgotten someone, Lucrezia.” “What do you mean?” She touched Lucrezia's face. “Your brother Cesare.” Lucrezia absolutely froze.

BWAHAHAHA and then Lucrezia scrambles to convince Giulia that her secret is that Cesare is discreetly facilitating her affair, rather than the far more salacious secret that Cesare is her affair.

“Men,” Giulia said carefully, “say many things, Lucrezia.” “Other men,” said Lucrezia …. The very idea that Cesare might not love her!

And of course Lucrezia is in a v unique situation here but it is the lot of highborn girls in Renaissance Europe to be bartered off to seal an alliance; Lucrezia was raised to expect it. She did no more than her duty. She also recognizes the balance of power is never going to be in her favor when it comes to matters of the heart. With one notable exception, of course:

But Lucrezia had never shown the slightest inclination to guard herself from him. I love you, she’d said as soon as she could babble out the words, clambering into his lap, wrapping her arms about his neck, toddling after him, I love you best, I love you most. And now she declared herself dozens of times a day, in word or deed: whispering into his ear, laughing at his side, crawling into his arms when she could and watching him with a greedy, possessive look when she could not.

Cesare is the only one she trusts to never hurt her, whose interests are always aligned with hers, are never opposed to her family’s since Cesare is her family. The only wrinkle is, he can’t protect her adequately as he promised to. Cesare reflects that if the truth about the incest ever came out “he would be lucky to escape with excommunication, while Giovanni Sforza could violate her nightly and nobody would say a word.” The unjustness of this, the way patriarchy arrays itself in Sforza’s defense, galls Cesare to no end.

Another person who comes into their orbit in Rome is Jofre’s new bride, Sancia of Aragon. It’s historical canon that she slept with both Juan and Cesare; in this fic of course Cesare/Lucrezia are exclusive. Lucrezia can’t decide whether Sancia is predatory (she wants to bang Cesare) or suspicious (she has a hunch Cesare is banging Lucrezia). Either way:

Lucrezia wanted Sancia dead, or disfigured, or shamed--and she wanted her to leave happily with Jofrè--and she wanted Juan to take her away, to satisfy her with some kind of discretion--and for one mad moment, Lucrezia wanted everyone to know what Cesare was to her.

Sancia and Juan, by the way, conduct an outrageously indiscreet affair where their lovemaking is so obnoxious it keeps Lucrezia up at night. She does what she always does when she seeks solace: she crawls into Cesare’s bed. They’re young, they’re honry, they’re in love … but the sound of Juan pounding away at Sancia definitively kills the mood. Lmao. The next morning at breakfast Cesare & Lucrezia lay their complaints before Alexander, who gives Cesare a cardinal’s palace to live in and bids him take Lucrezia with him. So now the two of them move out of the papal palace into their very own palace. I mean, the possibilities are endless! Here is a gem from Sancia and Juan’s pillowtalk, where Juan’s assessment is simultaneously hilariously off base and 100% accurate:

“Cesare has always been a sanctimonious prude, if you ask me. At any rate, Lucrezia says he's having a fit of celibacy.” “Lucrezia?” Sancia said, nearly laughing. “What, he tells her about his—?” Juan snorted. “They probably tell each other about their bowel movements.”

Some of my favorite moments from this “Cesare + Lucrezia keeping house together” idyll: She visits him in the confessional, they hold a lengthy strategy conference about Sancia’s divided loyalties, and he wraps up with:

“Have you any other sins to confess?” “No … Well, I am guilty of the sin of lust, but you knew that already.”

LOOOOOL and how could I forget this:

She always wanted him: when he approached her, when he touched her, looked at her, when she thought of him, when someone mentioned his name.

I give you my main bitch Lucrezia Borgia, who fantasizes about being rawed by her brother WHENEVER SOMEONE MENTIONS HIS NAME. We stan a bona fide legend.

Ok so among the people they encounter in Rome are their cousins Isabel and Bernardo, who are also Borgias, and who independently unravel the truth re: Cesare & Lucrezia, which means that we get not one but two Outsider POVs which means I have probably died and gone to heaven. My friends TONIGHT WE FEAST IN VALHALLA. Ain’t nothing I love more than an Outsider POV angle on an incestuous romance, and in this case we are truly blessed because we get two. This is Bernardo as he listens to Cesare wax lyrical about his new paramour:

Yet Bernardo heard none of the wild passion or simpering folly of men in the throes of infatuation; Cesare looked and sounded less like a newly enthralled lover, and more like a man speaking of someone he knew well and liked a great deal. Bernardo felt a flicker of alarm.

Bruh you’re supposed to talk about your mistress’s tits not her personality clearly Cesare did not get the memo?? And this is Bernardo when the pieces finally click into place for him—he walks in on Lucrezia dyeing her hair:

A Spaniard, very fair? By nature? No, Cesare had said, half-laughing, and even then Bernardo caught the odd shift in his tone, from the adoration of a lover to an easy, familiar affection. And he remembered Cesare, indignant even for a young man in the throes of infatuation. She is not my mistress!

It’s the vehemence with which he denies it, the “not my mistress” part, that gives Cesare away. Because she’s not; she’s his everything. Bernardo cannot seem to wrap his head around how they can be both siblings and soulmates, since for him there is just no overlap between those categories:

Cesare certainly looked and sounded more brother than forbidden paramour. That, in itself, troubled him; if they had rejected the fact of their blood relationship in pursuit of their lusts, convinced themselves that they did not truly feel themselves family, pretended to be something other than what they were—well, that would have been bad enough. But they did not pretend. They acted less as if they willfully transgressed the boundary between siblings and lovers, and more as if they utterly failed to notice its existence.

Cesare and Lucrezia glanced at each other, their conspiratorial smiles alarmingly familiar. He’d seen those exact expressions on their faces before, dozens if not hundreds of times. They’d always had secrets, their little schemes and confidences, childish mischief. And now—what? Deeper secrets, more convoluted schemes, more dangerous mischief. Was that it? Did they lie together and think it little different from the rest?—altered in degree, but not kind? Did they … when had catapulting oranges at the unwary become a hidden incestuous affair?

This is Bernardo watching Cesare & Lucrezia argue about who “made the first move” as far as initiating their relationship:

he knew not whether he was witnessing a lovers’ quarrel or a sibling one. He felt uncomfortably that, subject aside, it sounded very much more like the latter.

I think part of Bernardo’s difficulty is the way patriarchy teaches men to think about women, and treat them as means to an end:

There were, after all, other ways to avoid a pregnancy—though in his experience of eighteen-year-old boys, they did not bother with such things, and rarely thought that far in the first place. But then, in his experience of eighteen-year-old boys, they did not fuck their sisters, either.

Because eighteen-year-old boys are typically in lust whereas Cesare Borgia has found the love of his life. Can we also take a moment to appreciate that Cesare and Lucrezia are eighteen and fourteen respectively?? This must be their canon ages. They’re not even fetuses they’re like, homunculi. I won’t bother to look it up since this author clearly has forgotten more details about the Borgias than I ever knew—as God is my witness I would take her footnotes with me to a desert island over 80% of the other fics in existence. Holliday Grainger was 22 when The Borgias started filming, and Isolde Dychauk was 17 in S1 of Borgia, and of course we’re used to Hollywood giving us thirty-year-olds playing high schoolers so it’s not as if Lucrezia’s been aged up an unconscionable amount, but wow, fourteen is young.

Isabel and Bernardo have another sister, Jeromina, whose husband’s neglect is indirectly responsible for her death in childbed. Lucrezia holds up poor Jeromina’s fate as a cautionary tale of what can happen to any woman who lacks a male protector in her corner:

”We are not speaking of Jeromina.” “Indeed not. Her brother never came for her.”

Shots fired!!! This is Lucrezia’s implied rebuke to Bernardo: that he wasn’t there for Jeromina, that Lucrezia’s own brother would never have let her down as Bernardo let Jeromina down. Later on Lucrezia even locates the origins of her incestuous passion in the same system that killed Jeromina—she describes loving Cesare thusly:

“Something I chose, for myself,” said Lucrezia. “Everything else has been chosen for me”

Excuse me while I emit a series of high-pitched pterodactyl noises. It’s a subject the fic touches on very lightly, but the topic of aristocratic girls falling in love with their brothers as a big middle finger to The Patriarchy? This is a topic NEAR AND DEAR to my heart.

Isabel is a woman and sees more clearly than Bernardo does that Cesare & Lucrezia’s attachment is not mere puppy love:

Nor did she believe that a passion built on lifelong intimacy would be easily broken.

Damn straight, this is the real deal. Isabel then takes a different tack—she suggests that Lucrezia is at an age where girls itch to exercise their power over men. Lucrezia grants her the justice of this observation but counters that she’d never use Cesare so ill:

“Do you mean to say that your distress was such that you would have seduced any man who cared for you? You chose your brother because … he was there?” ”I could not have seduced a satyr. Cesare desired me as I did him.”

I COULD NOT HAVE SEDUCED A SATYR lmao. But it’s true, she was bruised body and soul, and Cesare rode up like a white knight and the dam burst. It wasn’t inevitable, but a confluence of events forced them to reckon with their feelings. And once they crossed that Rubicon there was of course no going back. Because they fit and they’re perfect for each other obvs. Just look at my babies reminiscing about childhood hijinks:

“The night that Juan switched your glass with Mother’s,” said Cesare, “You were what, nine?” Lucrezia stared at him, then laughed. “Ten. I spent a wretched night, and morning too. What made you think of it?” “Only that we have shared every part of our lives,” he said. “There is nothing to hide or pretend. We already know everything there is to know.”

otpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpotp

I need to quote a few more Bernardo POV passages because that’s where Cesare gives us some declarations of love worthy of the ages:

”I cannot remember a time when I did not love her above all else. Above the family, the world, God. I remember nothing of any time when I have not lived for her, when I would not die for her.”

“Some degree of remorse would not go amiss.” “I regret nothing,” said Cesare. “And your—” Bernardo shook his head. “What do I even call her now?” “My sister,” Cesare replied.

tl;dr Cesare: I HAVE ZERO REGRETS NONE

“Tell me that somewhere in Italy, or Spain, or any other nation, exists a woman I could love as I have loved Lucrezia. Tell me that there is a woman who could understand me half as well as she does. A woman who would know me as I am, and not as the world or my father or anyone would shape me. A woman who would see my true nature without fear—see the mark on it—share it. Look me in the eye, Bernardo, and tell me there is any woman who is so much my own soul.”

If you don’t ship them after that speech then your mom’s a hoe, I don’t make the rules.

Cesare: I am sanctified in her.

Bernardo:

Narrator: Bernardo hardly knew where to look.

Me: ascends to a higher plane

Bernardo eventually comes around. He’s had longer than Isabel to adjust to the incest revelation, so he tries to soften the blow for her. This is the two of them comparing notes:

”The last time I saw them together, Cesare had his hand on his dagger half the time, and then they started arguing about which one of them was the more responsible, as if they’d stolen a pastry. He laughs about her hair. Outside of themselves, they treat the whole matter as a … a lark.” This aligned so exactly with Cesare and Lucrezia as Isabel knew them that she winced. Nevertheless, her dry voice didn’t alter. “How uncivil. They might at least have the courtesy to pretend that they regard the change as a matter of gravity.” “They don’t think they have changed,” he replied.

THEY DON’T THINK THEY HAVE CHANGED— winner winner chicken dinner. Finally he gets it.

So there is this ring. A family heirloom which belonged to their grandfather, which Lucrezia inherits from poor died-in-childbed Jeromina, and recklessly bestows upon Cesare. This is the visible token of her affection, this is her way of letting the whole world know what he means to her. The problem is that Isabel is the one who disbursed Jeromina’s effects, so she knows full well the provenance of the ring in question, and what it signifies that Lucrezia gave it to Cesare. Subtlety, these kids do not have it. Cesare openly wearing the ring clues Isabel in on the incest, which is maybe not the worst result ever because family is still family but damn kids you gotta be more careful. What happens next, though, is a scene that absolutely wrecked me. We get a a scene where they EXCHANGE RINGS:

“Isabel gave it to me.” Lucrezia clasped her fingers in her lap. “For my husband.” “Do you remember what I studied at Pisa?” “Civil and canon law.” “Yes.” His voice was hoarse. “Did you know that if a man and a woman consent together, the ring and vows alone bind them in marriage? The Church does not wish for unblessed marriages, but by precedent and decree, they are marriages nonetheless.” His cardinal ring rested still in her palm. Cesare closed her fingers over it. “Alexander III declared that if the parties concerned say I receive you as mine to one another, they are married as solemnly as if blessed by a priest.”

So he gives her his cardinal’s ring to wear. And when his father notes its absence on his finger he straight up admits Lucrezia made off with it, you know how i can’t deny her anything, and the dinner table conversation turns to another topic. Because Cesare & Lucrezia are apparently just Like That and everyone who knows them is used to it. For pete’s sake they are supposed to be the well-adjusted ones among the Pope’s children. Every other member of this family is further along the disaster spectrum than these two, according to Isabel’s internal monologue:

Cesare and Lucrezia, those oases of sense and proper feeling among Alexander’s children, committing incest. Adultery too, now that she thought of it. Perhaps. It depended on the particulars.

Adultery is almost an afterthought lol

Parenthetically I do wanna draw y’all’s attention to this passage:

“I will kill him. I swear to you, Lucrezia, I shall carve his heart out of his body and give it to you on a platter.” Lucrezia put a hand over his chest. “I don’t want his heart,” she said. “I want yours.”

The above passage has the same energy as this passage:

One night she had Jaime follow him, to confirm her suspicions. When her brother returned he asked her if she wanted Robert dead. "No," she had replied, "I want him horned." She liked to think that was the night when Joffrey was conceived.

That’s a Cersei POV and the thing about looking at Cesare/Lucrezia and Cersei/Jaime parallels is I feel like the former is usually more sinned against than sinning, and the latter is the opposite. Cersei doesn’t want Jaime, she wants Robert cuckolded, she wants to Show Them that she’s Lord Tywin’s daughter and nobody gets away with disrespecting her. Idk maybe it would have read differently if we’d had the same events from Jaime’s POV?

I realize that you guys don’t need any more reasons to love this fic but I want to end with the scene where Cesare’s gearing up to challenge Count What’s-His-Face, Ursula’s dumbass husband, for the insupportable insult he gave Vanozza at Lucrezia’s wedding. One thing I appreciate about Showtime!The Borgias over Canal+!Borgia is this Cesare’s relationship with his mom is much closer than his counterpart’s. His willingness to fight a duel for his mother’s honor demonstrates (1) that his sister isn’t the only woman he cares about and (2) that he puts his family first. Lucrezia’s “Return to me victorious” still slaps more than any line in actual canon, don’t @ me. In that moment, he could have slain Mars. “I will,” he promises her.

 If I don’t burn

                      if you don’t burn

                                                if we don’t burn

how will the light 

                             vanquish the darkness?

That’s Turkish poet Nazim Hikmet writing about a folk hero who spontaneously combusted of love. In conclusion no one burns brighter than Cesare & Lucrezia, the actual loves of my life.

[gayiconwaluigi]

Non-binary Elliot Anderson text support from the Red Wheelbarrow companion guide

“Bottom line is, how the hell do I become normal after this? Is it possible?...Is there any way to come back from this? Can I later down the road be a normal person with a wife and a dog and tell my kids the story about the one time I lost my FUCKING mind and started seeing...I can’t think about this anymore.”

This quote showcases Elliot’s desire to live a patriarichal, heteronormative life--to subscribe to institutional normalcy/normativity, but he can’t because of his DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). He sees his DID and anxiety as the barrier to normalcy. He rallies against normalcy because he can’t achieve it. 

“I guess my gut instinct tells me I’d want to be normal...Do I really want to be normal? Okay, I’m not done with that question. I’ve thought on it some more. I don’t think normal is the right word. I think it’s happy. Normal is too nebulous and subjective. So is happy, but I think that to be whatever I think is normal is just to feel right. To not be afraid of who I am. I want to believe that the other people who understand who I am are okay with me as is and accept it.”

This following quote builds on that idea of normalcy past his experience with DID and mental illness in general. He wants to be satisfied with himself, whoever and whatever that entails. Elliot is extremely unhappy with who he is, which includes having his mind manifest Mr. Robot, alienating his friends due to his control issues and social anxieties, and basically causing people to die.

But this isn’t who Elliot is. For a show concerned with identity, Elliot doesn’t have much of one. He focuses on “fixing” society and “fixing” his friends’ lives. He’d probably identify himself as a nerd and a hacker, but other identities (gender, sexuality, race, etc) are pretty much untouched in his narrative because his relationship with his mental health is such a large part of who he is.

The companion book doesn’t delve into how Elliot views his ethnic background or his racial identity other than that he’s “not white.” Those are his words. He doesn’t identify beyond that, which makes me wonder (was this book written by a white person or) does Elliot distance himself from that identity because of his hatred of his mother, who is a woman of color. 

And with how the above two quotes read, it feels like he’s speaking beyond his mental illness. He doesn’t want to be afraid of who he is, and of course because of that fear, he hasn’t delved into or developed parts of his identity.

“Krista, Angela, Carla, and Darlene were all having dinner in my mom’s house...And in the living room, Gideon, Lloyd, my dad and Tyrell were all sitting around watching football. I was just standing in the middle of both rooms, not sure which one to be in...I was a little lost, stuck in my space between both groups, but I didn’t feel totally alone.”

This quote is the most specific reference to gender and gender roles. Elliot dreams of salient women in his life sharing a meal, and meal preparation is a traditionally female gender role in hegemonic America. In the other room are the men in his life enjoying a traditionally male past time. Elliot exists in the middle, not able to choose which room to exist in or not being able to move from his spot in the middle.

Elliot is incredibly smart but just so not self-aware when it comes to compulsory aspects of culture. He feels happiness with Darlene in season 1, so that must mean he is attracted to and wants to kiss her because she is a woman. [Don’t get me started on how I think Elliot’s attraction to all the women in his life is compulsory. If there is a woman in his age range, he will “fall in love” with her! Minus Carla because of the show’s latent transphobia...]

He’s decoded the faults with America and consumerism and capitalism, but he’s distanced himself from his own identities so that he’s incredibly ignorant as to who he actually is. The first time we see him, he’s literally erased himself and exists on morphine, which numbs him. He doesn’t want to experience himself. Essentially he wants to exist but as a different person. He wants to know people but not for people to know him. [Leon: Do you dream, Elliot? You scraping so hard like you never asked yourself this before. I said, do you want to be here right now?]

We can draw from the bullying we know he experienced. That stemmed from his nerdiness and other’s perceptions of his neurodivergence. It’s understandable why he hasn’t developed past these identities because if people hate him for being socially different, he certainly doesn’t want to discover something else about himself that people could hate him for.

And here is Elliot’s fairy tale sequence transcribed from season 2:

“If I do close my eyes, what is it that I picture years from now? Like Leon said, doesn’t one need to understand that before they’re ready to fight for their existence? How would my future fairy tale unfold? Will I finally connect with those I deeply care for? Will I reunite with old friends long gone? See the ones I love find true happiness? Maybe this future includes people I’d never dream of getting close to. Even make amends with those I have unfairly wronged. A future that’s not so lonely. A future filled with friends and family. You’d even be there. A world I’ve always wanted. And you know what? I’d like very much to fight for it.”

I want to emphasize that each of the scenes Elliot describes are incredibly stereotypical portrayals of happiness that you might see in a commercial for any medication. Two people [man and woman] speaking at a bar. Friends at an outdoor venue. A man proposing to a woman. Meeting a smiling family [man and woman and child]. 

It is essential to recognize the table scene is an homage to the Thanksgiving table scene in Raising Arizona where the protagonist describes his vision of the future. This film is a scathing critique of 1980s Reagan-centric America where a couple unable to have a child steals a child in order to fix all their problems.

In the Raising Arizona scene, the protagonist and his wife sit at the end of the table, whereas only Elliot sits at the end of the table. If we were to believe Angela was his romantic counterpart, she would be sitting with him. Instead Angela is sitting across from Darlene--an analogue to his sister.

Despite all his talk of revolution, Elliot wants a hegemonic happily ever after because that’s what he’s been fed his entire childhood of popular 1980s film tropes. He struggles to understand that people and life extend beyond these tropes.

[iskierka]

Body Image and Aziraphale, or, Violently Projecting My Issues Onto This Character The Way God Intended

In honor of my new URL, I wanted to get down some of my feelings around body image since I’ve been doing a lot of projecting onto Aziraphale recently. I want to talk about both why Aziraphale is one of my favorite (and one of the more positive examples of) fat characters, and why I still relate to him through the lens of my own issues.

First off, there are a few trigger warnings that could apply here, but mainly if you’ve struggled with an eating disorder or disordered eating or body image in general, even though this isn’t a graphic discussion or anything, this may not necessarily be something you want to read.

Having dealt with different eating disorders for ten or eleven years now, and body image issues for longer than that, fat characters are really important to me—but only when they’re treated well (by the production, not as necessarily the other characters). There’s obviously a big difference between how Aziraphale is portrayed and how, say, a character like Thor was portrayed in Endgame. Aziraphale is fat, but it isn’t in and of itself A Personality Trait. However, I don’t think it’s a purely physical trait either. In fact, him being fat reflects the good (if not Angelic Good) aspects of his character. Aziraphale enjoys the comforts and pleasures of earth, and his body is just a reflection of that. I see it as a reflection of his love for the world. And look: when Gabriel says “lose the gut” the implication is for Aziraphale to miracle himself into shape, right? What’s made clear here is that Aziraphale can change the way he looks at any time. I think this is to be expected, but it’s important in this context because it means Aziraphale likes that he’s soft. When he comes back with “I’m soft,” it’s a reflection of how he sees himself in a permanent sort of way. Physical softness is not an immutable trait for him, but of course Aziraphale is not talking only about his physical form. His whole being is soft. (Certainly, there are other aspects to his personality; Aziraphale is just enough of a bastard to be worth liking. But compared to the rest of the Host that we see: other angels are rigid in a way that he just isn’t.) Basically, what I see is this: one, part of what makes Aziraphale likable (his love for the world) goes hand in hand with his being fat, and two, Aziraphale has made a conscious choice to be fat.

So then, something else about me: I’ve always felt alienated from body positivity and fat activism. It doesn’t matter whether I’m a size 6 or 22, as someone who has spent—spends—quite a lot of their time genuinely hating their body, those spaces have always felt unwelcoming. My experiences with eating disorders have felt often unwelcome in the context of fat activism. (“Deal with your shit on your own time.”) I’m not able to muster enough Positivity to be a proper activist. So, it may seem odd that a character like this, one so at home and satisfied with being fat, has struck me so emotionally. There are a few reasons here that I see that make Aziraphale comforting rather than needling at these same insecurities. I believe that’s because how little attention the show pays to him being fat. It’s not something that’s really negative or positive in its portrayal. Sure, Gabriel makes that “lose the gut” comment, but it’s not something the audience is meant to side with him on. He’s the villain here, and it’s also meant to be a bit silly or absurd—maybe you could put it in with his disturbance at Aziraphale eating sushi, which shows how much closer to “being” human Aziraphale is than the other angels. And on the other hand, while I have kind of argued here that his fatness is put in a positive light, but I don’t think that’s an overt thing. (For most people watching casually, Aziraphale’s weight is irrelevant and nothing but a one-off joke.) And it isn’t only treated that way by the powers that be, Aziraphale himself, in calling himself soft, says that is integral to him in an absolutely natural way—it’s just part of who he is.

But here’s the thing: I’ve near read my way through the body image and eating disorder tags for Good Omens on AO3. One fic in particular where Aziraphale begins to develop an eating disorder, I’ve already read through four times.* Honestly, it is that normality of his fatness, the permanence of it and role in his own self-image, that make this whole genre (I suppose?) of fics hit so hard for me. For a lot of people including myself, EDs are a form of self-harm. So what makes stories where a character like Aziraphale struggles with issues like these so rending is that it would be a representation of a deeper unhappiness with the fundamental parts of who he is.

And maybe to a lot of people, it seems just a little bit this side of absurd still that he ever would.** But people with EDs often share certain personality traits. A few I recognize in Aziraphale’s character: a tendency towards (personal) harm avoidance, worry, and lack of emotional openness. I think there a few examples of each of these. First harm avoidance—besides just his general desire to avoid ending the world (this is much, much more tied to his love for it anyway), I think his reticence in his relationship with Crowley (“you go too fast for me”) shows this best. Their relationship is also likely the best example of his emotional barriers. (Sure, he isn’t cold like other angels, but nor is he open, and Aziraphale seems to desire that warmth and closeness from connection in a way that the rest of the Host do not.) There are many points where his tendency to over-worry comes across: thinking Crowley is asking for a suicide pill, after five centuries still worrying Heaven will care about the Arrangement—these come up over and over. Maybe it isn’t so unreasonable to think that some version of Aziraphale could fall into an ED. Look at it this way: you lose your only real anchor on earth, your trust in the goodness and rightness of Heaven is broken down, so you try some way to feel in control again, no matter how irrational. Another part of Aziraphale that I think speaks to this tendency to fall into this as a coping mechanism is his position as a protector, a guardian. He lives a role that is about serving and providing for others. When you have an identity constructed around providing comfort, security, and faith to others, it can feel very natural to turn to inwardly or personally destructive habits like EDs instead of reaching out or opening up to others. If you lose some fundamental outward belief, it often feels insurmountable to also reassess your perception of yourself (“lose faith in yourself”) and seek out support.***

I think part of the reason that Aziraphale is comfortable for me to project on here is that his body is established as something neutral-to-positive in canon, while being fat is something negative societally. His character doesn’t bring baggage, and so I think those of use who are fat or have struggled with body image see ourselves in him. For some people that means seeing a character able to be beyond societal pressures on the body, for others it means seeing a powerful character still able to fall into the same things we do and not be bad or weak because of it.

I’m stopping here for now and I know this is all pretty jumbled, but I’ve just been feeling like I need to get this down. It’s been nice to see some positivity about Aziraphale being fat, but sometimes it can be hard to see only positivity because I can’t relate to that. I’m really happy to be in a fandom again where there are characters who aren’t fit/skinny & I love reading all y’all’s fic and seeing fanart—it’s meant a lot. Also: if you too have fat Aziraphale feelings, pls pls come talk to me!!!

* link to that fic

** I know there are reasons why this seems weird re: story mechanics, but I don’t think it’s that hard to understand this plausibly within canon. I’ve got lots of ideas anyway :^)

*** I’m trying not to stray into headcanon territory here but I think it is important that any fic that deals with EDs doesn’t fall into a gets together with/receives affirmation from skinny partner and ED suddenly disappears trope. The reality is that EDs usually stick around after whatever crisis that might’ve triggered their development has passed.