#you know what would make this 1000x better?

[zolanort]

Hyrule is a fine cook, you guys are just mean.

I will start by pointing out that Wild says the ham water is really tasty. Who is going to be a better judge of the ham water? The one who has eaten nothing but pastries and croissants his whole life?

The lord of pumpkin spice? The army guy who probably lived off of MRE equivalents? The rancher who chugs literal grubs?

Or the one person who is so good with food that he is universally recognized as the cook?

Kudos to you if you chose the grub chugger, nothing wrong with eating bugs, but the correct answer was Wild; Wild is the best choice for judge. Partially because he has 1000x more experience with food than the others (statistics taken from my own save files), but mostly because no one else in the group has any significant experience with cooking their own food. Twi did his best helping with that stinky fish for Yeto's soup but it doesn't count.

As the croissant eater points out, the meat looks old.

For it to be old but not have started rotting, it would have to be cured meat (we’ll say ham because what better way to spite Ganon than by eating pig for lunch). Hyrule has probably even upgraded since his first adventure and it’s not just your basic salted ham food (which already costs about the same as a magic shield in game), it’s probably the Hyrulian equivalent of Jamón Ibérico de Bellota from his buddy pal Zelda(s) at the castle. I know I’d give someone a fancy ham for saving my kingdom twice. Hyrule is basically a gourmet at this point. You need quality nutrients to grow healthy hair, as our traveler pointed out, and who has the bestest most fluffiest hair? Hyrule does. Look at the fluffy:

It is absolutely possible to make tasty soup from the most basic 100 rupee cured ham. That’s a real thing that real people do in real life. You can even do it with 50 rupee ham in a can if you’re desperate (I say 50 rupee instead of 25 because of inflation). Hyrule put the bone in too so not only is there the salty flavor from the cured meat, he very well could have been making a nice bone broth for his injured colleague (he could have put other ingredients in off screen too but that’s beside the point). Ever heard of ham bone broth or other broth based soups? Ham and lentils soup? Probably not if you are a croissant eater who never had to cook ham water for yourself on the road. Croissants aren’t even that good unless they have chocolate in the middle, and that’s just because of the chocolate. If you’re going through the effort of laminating all that dough you should just go all the way and make something actually good like pastéis de nata.

Anyway, Hyrule is implied to be a terrible cook and I love that for him. Mostly I just wanted to take this chance to complain about croissants.

[sweetenerobert]

who’s line is it anyway

1.9k /dieter bravo x male reader

summary: during a table read, dieter’s thoughts trail off into more “important” things than a script in front of him.

warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, strong language, pwp, mention of drugs, dieter being a high mess, public sex, dirty talk, unprotected p in a, choking, let me know if i missed anything!

a/n: this was supposed to be a drabble but knowing me and my writing style, a “drabble” consist of 800 words

also i would like to blame @morallyinept for this idea, the idea came from a post she made and i talked to her about it, and she made it 1000x better

one more thing: if your seeing this one of my exams are finally fucking done! celebration, ugh finally and hopefully you guys love this, trying to write and study was so fucking annoying, but i finally got this done

navigation page in bio!

“Here’s the thing,” You start, unlocking your legs from each other and placing your palms on the table. You push yourself onto the table, earning a wide-eyed expression from Dieter behind his sunglasses.

You kneel on the table — sitting on your calves, feet dangling off the table, slowly crawling towards Dieter like an animal stalking their prey. Dieter’s lips were apart as he looked at you in astonishment. “I don't care about some dumb table read when I’d rather —” You are face-to-face with Dieter, inches apart; with a simple push, your lips could collide.

Grabbing the temples of his sunglasses, you slowly slide them off Dieter’s shocked expression, closing the temples together and placing his sunglasses on the table. “When I’d rather have you fuck me on this table.”

Table reads were one of the things that Dieter dreaded — with a burning passion. Getting up so early in the morning just to read lines off a packet of stapled papers together, drinking shit coffee, and sitting around directors, executives, producers, and fellow actors/actresses he has to act to like.

Dieter was high, and he knew that it was the only thing going to make him go through this long, exhausting day. Through his sunglasses — that he didn't need to wear anymore, he could barely keep his eyes open his eyes. Dieter wanted to rest his head on the table underneath his hands and read the lines whenever he felt like it. But he was too busy looking at the people around him.

His gaze eventually lands on you as you are reading your lines. Dieter ultimately set his eyes on you. Dieter has a glimpse of recognizing you, but he was probably too high to remember it. As you stopped reading your lines, you smiled at the next person who had to read.

Dieter wished you never smiled; his cock was already throbbing in his pants — itching to be released. As he shifted the length of his cock in his pants, he noticed how concentrated and strong-headed you were. It made him want to bend you over the table more.

He yearned to know what noises your mouth made as he drove his cock into you. Dieter wanted to make you beg for more of his cock, made you want to plead for his cum. Thinking about you so much made Dieter’s cock twitch. He looked down and was annoyed that his cock wasn't getting the attention it deserved.

“Psst, D.”

Dieter heard a voice — your voice and looked up at you. You had this look on your face that you didn’t have before. It was seductive, enticing. He was shocked but just went with it.

“Yeah?” Dieter asked.

“You’ve been thinking about me, haven't you?” You questioned.

Dieter drew his lips in a thin line and shook his head. “Nope, got me confused with someone else.”

You scoff, crossing your arms and looking at him. Your legs cross, and you shake your foot in impatience.

“C’mon, D. I know bullshit when I smell it.”

Hearing you say the initial of his name made his cock twitch. He swore you heard it knock on the wooden table above his member.

“Okay,” Dieter shrugs and smirks. “Even if I was thinking about you, what could we do? We can't leave yet.”

“Here’s the thing,” You start, unlocking your legs from each other and placing your palms on the table. You push yourself onto the table, earning a wide-eyed expression from Dieter behind his sunglasses.

You kneel on the table — sitting on your calves, feet dangling off the table, slowly crawling towards Dieter like an animal stalking their prey. Dieter’s lips were apart as he looked at you in astonishment. “I don't care about some dumb table read when I’d rather —” You are face-to-face with Dieter, inches apart; with a simple push, your lips could collide.

Grabbing the temples of his sunglasses, you slowly slide them off Dieter’s shocked expression, closing the temples together and placing his sunglasses on the table. “When I’d rather have you fuck me on this table.”

You flashed a smile, and Dieter’s face looked like a deer in headlights. He glanced around him and noticed that no one was fazed by what you were saying — as if it were completely normal. “Are we going to fuck or what?” You shrug.

In one motion, Dieter collided his lips with yours, gripping your throat — a moan escaping your lips. Dieter was finally getting his wish, hearing what you sounded like under his touch. The kiss became more intimate than alluring and, suddenly, hungry. You both were two horny teenagers — couldn't get enough of each other, didn't want to let each other go.

Dieter stood up from his seat, kicking the seat out of his way — hand still gripping your throat, tiny moans left your throat with each kiss Dieter was devouring your face. Your lips tasted like strawberries, and Dieter couldn't get enough of your mouth, swirling his tongue in your mouth; he wanted to taste you inside and out.

You fixed your position on the table so that your but was planted on the table.

Dieter released his grip on your throat, his mouth moved from your lips and trails down your cheek, along your jaw, and then your neck. You gasp and moan with each kiss, suck and bite Dieter is bringing to your neck.

Your hands get tangled in his dark curls. His hair is like sand — sliding through your hands with no issue. You bring your fingertips closer to your palm as if feeling each follicle on Dieter’s head. His hand slid down to your waist and onto your leg. Dieter hooked his hand under your knee, bringing you closer to him, and he planted his lips back onto yours.

Your hand slides down from Dieter’s head to his cock. He groans in your mouth with how firmly your hand grabbed his member. “Damn, your hard as a fuckin’ rock. Should we let this monster about this cage?” You sneer. Dieter releases his grip on you and backs up to unbuckle his pants.

As Dieter is trying to shimmy his pants off in such a rush, he almost trips on his pants. You breathe a whistle out. “Damn, D. You fallin’ for me already?” You question. Getting his pants off, he looks up to see you — pantsless, cock throbbing, precum leaking through the slit of your cock, a smirk on your face.

A grin appears on Dieter’s face as he walks back to you, kissing you like his life depended on it. “You look so fuckin’ hot with your cock standing up like that,” Dieter growled.

“Says the one whose cock is rubbing against mine; it feelings fucking amazing.” You admit. Hearing you say these things made Dieter’s cock twitch. As your hands gripped the material of his shirt, you leaned back, Dieter following suit — Dieter’s body had pressed down on top of yours under the table. Two bodies melted together by intensity, heat, and tension. It was an art piece that Dieter was satisfied to be a part of.

Dieter backs up from your mouth as he glances down at his cock near your aching hole. You hold your legs with your hands, a grin on your face as Dieter glances at you. “What are you waiting for?”

Dieter positions his cock near your hole, a line of saliva leaving his mouth, connecting with the shaft of his cock — rubbing his spit to lube his cock up. Slowly pressing the tip inside you, a sharp exhale escapes your lips — a hiss leaving Dieter’s mouth.

“Fuck, baby. Your tight,” Dieter admits.

“Only the best for Dieter Bravo,” You wink.

Dieter, slowly stretching you out, made his cock into overdrive. His cock was twitching inside you — you felt it get bigger inside you with each slowly agonizing push. The base of his cock connects with your balls as they gradually shrivel. His hands grip your ankles as your nails create dents on your inner thighs.

Dieter backs his hips up and slowly pushes them towards you. A look of worry had ridden his face.

“D?” You question.

“Yeah, baby?” Dieter answers.

“If you’re gonna fuck me, do it the way you’ve always dreamed about.”

“Are you sure?”

You nod. “Use me, Dieter,” You grit.

A sneer spread across Dieter’s face as the grip on your ankles got tighter. A wave of pleasure rode your face as you felt how fast Dieter his thighs were clapping into you. Dieter enjoyed hearing the noises that escaped your lips; it was ecstasy, coke, anything for Dieter was better than any drug he could imagine. Hearing the claps, your moans, and your hands trailing his abdomen — Dieter’s mind went into overdrive; this feeling had beaten any high he’d ever experienced before.

“You like that, baby? You like it when I use you like this?” Dieter asks.

“F-fuck, yes, Dieter. I love it so much,” You groaned.

Your hands grip Dieter’s shirt — almost tearing the material under your nails. You pull Dieter towards you, lips intertwined, nose bridges fitting perfectly together. Dieter’s hands let go of your ankles — planted on the wooden table under both of you. His thrusts got more intense as you felt your cock twitch between the both of you.

Your moans landed in Dieter’s mouth as your moans became hitched with each thrust. Dieter could feel the table shift with each push of his pelvis.

“Baby, I need to get you pregnant, I need to cum so much.”

“Do it, Dieter,” You instigated. “Get me pregnant; I want your cum inside me.”

Dieter’s thrusts became more intense, non-human, bearing his teeth like a rabbit in heat. Your moans come out like music to Dieter’s ears — he couldn't get enough of your voice.

“Fuck, yes, Dieter. You’re hitting so deep!”

“God, I love it when you scream my name like that. You’re so fuckin’ perfect,” Dieter grunted.

Your nails claw Dieter’s back as his hands reach your waist. His hands melted on your waist as his lips connected with yours, his hips rutting into yours, your hole wrapping Dieter’s length, his grunts coming out as breaths in your ears.

“Baby, I’m gonna fuckin’ cum,” Dieter bear his teeth.

“Fucking hell, Dieter, just do it,” You groaned.

Dieter could feel himself getting closer with each thrust and each moan that was escaping your lips. He was a man obsessed.

“Fuck, Baby. Here it comes,” Dieter grunted.

“Dieter, Dieter,” You moan.

“Dieter.”

“Dieter.”

“Dieter,” Dieter shook his head and glanced around.

He noticed that you weren't on the table anymore; you were back in your seat, looking at him with confusion on your face. Not as if you were a moaning and sweating mess on the table just a couple of seconds.

Dieter glanced around and noticed everyone was looking at him; they seemed more eager than you. Dieter hated the stares everyone was sending, and he wanted to curse everyone out who was staring at him, but he was too confused about what had just happened.

“Dieter,” Dieter turned his head to see the director had been saying his name.

“That’s your line, buddy.”

Dieter scoffed and just looked at the script below him and read the lines he hadn't practiced. After Dieter had finished reading his lines, he was a grumbling mess. It sounded like he escaped a psychiatric hospital. His phone vibrating next to him took him out of his psychotic grumbling. His phone screen brightened the sunglasses on his face, and he saw a text from an unknown number.

xxx-xxx-xxxx: i can tell you lost your train of thought thinking about me, if you want, we could meet up and make those thoughts a reality ;)

Dieter’s jaw almost dropped, but he managed to keep his cool; he picked his head up to stare at you. You had waited for the next person to read their lines, but you could feel Dieter’s eyes on you. Your eyes trailing to stare at Dieter’s and you flash him a wink and smirk.

Dieter’s cock twitched in his pants, and his face had heat rising faster than the speed of light. He was ready to take you on the table “again,” but for the first time in his life, Dieter was glad to be patient.

[pigfacedbitch]

Are You That Dense?

summary : what do they do when their crush is oblivious of their feelings.

word count : 0.5k

type : headcanons

pairing/s involved : Arthur / Merlin / Morgana x Reader

warning/s : it's kinda sad on Merlin's part (at least for me)

here is my masterlist!

Arthur

Arthur would be clueless as you are, maybe even worse.

The prince of Camelot wasn't raised to process his feelings properly (no thanks to dear old daddy), so he thinks his infatuation is under the pretense of friendship.

Many find it hilarious. Everyone knows how much Arthur loves you... except the two of you.

He just doesn't understand why he's always wanting more than the platonic affections you give him, yearning for you when you're not around, or thinking about you all the time.

Don't get me wrong, he knows he enjoys your company. Both his whole world and time stops when he's with you; the heavy responsibilities of the crown and endless problems are temporarily forgotten.

Arthur also feels the need to impress you, sometimes more than Uther. He already likes showing off to a crowd but when you're watching him? There will be 1000x more effort.

"Why do I feel this way, Merlin?"

"You are in love with (Y/N), clotpole."

"Oh. I suppose you're right."

"Is this the moment where you order me to get her flowers?"

"...Yes."

Merlin

I'm sorry but Merlin prefers it that way.

As much as he desperately wants to to straight up confess to you— to be able to touch you, kiss you, and love you openly, he doesn't want to put you in danger.

Apart from a secret that will get him executed, he deals with dark entities all the time and those will eventually catch up to him. He can't risk it, especially if it's you.

There will be a lifetime of labor and hardships if you choose to be with a manservant. Being with a druid will likely get you hurt or killed too. You deserve better than what he can offer. You deserve better than him.

His feelings for you may not be obvious as Arthur's but for people who are perceptive (ehem Gwen maybe?), they will encourage him to court you. He'll only reply that there's no use and you'll never see him as something more than a friend, especially if you're a noble or royalty.

However, Merlin is only human. There will be times when he can't help himself, giving you small gifts or favors he won't do for anyone (even Arthur).

"Thanks for the help, Merlin."

"I would do anything for you, (Y/N)."

"Why?"

"Uhh... Cause we're friends, right?"

Morgana

Morgana will make you her own amusement.

Best believe she will test you, to see how long can you remain unaware of her feelings. It entertains her to no end, better than the performers Uther hires in banquets.

She will go all out— giving you all sorts of touches that's reserved for lovers, bringing you expensive presents, always spending time with you, and even kissing you in both public and in private.

Morgana will search for any reaction on your face every time. But you just continue to innocently smile and thank her for being a 'good friend'.

Everyone thinks you two are dating because of her public display of affection but you shrug it off whenever someone asks you about it. Morgana, on the hand, just smirks and winks.

If it takes too long and she begins to get impatient, she will just knock on your door and confess her love.

"I am in love with you, (Y/N)."

"You are?"

"YES! How can you be so blind—"

"I thought we're just friends?"

"HOW IS MAKING OUT WITH YOU, PLATONIC?"

Until then, she and Gwen will be laughing at your obliviousness as they enjoy their afternoon tea.

[hyperactivewhore]

Answer if you have the balls and you're woman enough to do so, but I know you're not. Anyway, here goes.

So, you and your little cult of pick-mes are at it again, huh? Slandering Caroline for no real reason other than because she existed. Man, you guys are relentless. You just can't help yourselves, can you? And you say it's Caroline fans/Klaroline shippers who are the ones who start and harass you. And I know that's bullshit, because I don't see Caroline fans or Klaroline shippers doing anything except minding their own business, not bothering anyone whatsoever and keeping to themselves, and enjoying what they like just like everyone else does. It's you and every other Bonnie fan that's the problem. You're the ones that always look to start a problem or cause some kind of drama, all because you can't stand Caroline is more loved and liked by the fans than your faves. But oh well, that's just how it is.

And it's funny you say Bonnie was justified in acting the way she did when Caroline turned, when it's basically her fault that Caroline ever became a vampire in the first place. Quite frankly, Bonnie deserved way more heat and should've faced deeper consequences for her role in the S1 finale. And don't even get me started on the lame, half-assed bullshit excuse she gave, that "she couldn't do it, because her Grams wouldn't have." Really??? But then she has the nerve to treat her best friend like shit for something that was her own fault and that Caroline didn't ask for whatsoever, that was completely out of Caroline's hands? Fuck out of here, give me a fucking break!

But anything to hate Caroline for, right? Anything to basically make her out to be the devil incarnate. Yeah, Caroline wasn't perfect, but guess what? Neither were any of your shitty ass faves. Get the fuck over yourselves.

Also, gotta love how you only think Tyler deserved better where it concerns Caroline, but you say nothing whatsoever about what Hayley did to him in S4, which in my opinion was 1000x worse than Caroline sleeping with Klaus. But I guess since it didn't involve Caroline, it doesn't matter as much and only then, does Tyler not deserve better, huh? And what about his pack of hybrids? They didn't deserve better than what Hayley did to them? No, I guess not.

Lastly, I'm by no means a Klaroline shipper, but I give no fucks about Caroline having slept with Klaus, simply because that's the big fuck you that everyone in the Mystic Falls Gang deserved. Especially Elena, who knowingly and shamelessly was sleeping with Caroline's abuser/rapist and gave no fucks about it 🙂 But this is who you deem the most "compassionate" and "selfless" girl? Yeah, more like the most selfish and self-centered. And that's exactly why she was the most hated character. And justifiably and deservedly so. Caroline is 10000x better than Elena ever was, and I know it that bothers you and burns you deep down inside. Because you know it's a fact and the truth. Oh well, die mad about it, hun.

Then people wonder why most of the fandom eventually comes to hate klaroline and/or Caroline. This are the same people who got a woman fired off her job and who had their favorite white woman be getting all the plots who belonged to Bonnie or shamelessy self-inserted into everything 💀

"My little cult" I'm fucking dying with laughter, your pretty little sunshine vampire wouldn't be alive without Bonnie, actually no one in Mystic Falls would be alive if not for Bonnie. If people are getting harassed again by the same crazy Caroline stan, all my prayers. Just ignore this cunt 💞

[melliiaahh]

♡Blue lock boys boyfriend hc p2♡

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ . • . ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒

bf hc!

Word count:1k

Warning: Swearing, use of feminine description, talk about lingerie

Featuring : Bachira, Kunigami, Chigiri, Isagi, Barou, Shido,Nagi and Reo 

Genre : fluff!

Notes:  kind of short one for today and its all randomised because my brain cant function and i sat staring at a wall for a good 2 hours for this one SORRY FOR THE CHAOS

here is my masterlist<3

All characters are aged up!  Not proofread!

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ . • . ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒

Bachira loves to put soft kisses on your face all the time, basically just smother you in kisses every chance he gets. He doesnt care if its in public or in private he will always do it whenever he feels like it, because he thinks youre just too cute <3

I said before, MATCHING JEWELLERY WITH REO. A bracelet, necklace or ring, doesnt matter which one you prefer as long as your matching with him and he can have something to remind him of you constantly <3

Kunigami would get you flowers on EVERY. SINGLE. DATE. Doesn’t matter what type of date or how long you’ve been dating, he will do it every time just to show you his appreciation

Isagi would MAKE you gifts like paper flowers or written letters<3

barou is so down bad that he would let you style his hair whenever you wanted, as long as you got to sit really close to him for it. he wouldnt mind at all

Rin would love giving you massages because he loves being able to help you to destress so massaging is his way to go also he loves physical touch 

Sae always talks about how he wants kids… not in a forceful way but that he would love to see mini you around, it would make his heart swell with joy and excitement to start a family 

Bachira would also 10330248049% do pinky promises with you, idc if it’s childish. Its cute and bachira thinks its cute as well so he would do that shit pinky swear and seal it with a kiss type of vibe

Chigiri is the type of guy to take you on spontaneous dates. He loves his alone time with you where he can talk and be vulnerable about his feelings. He feels the most safe with you and he loves it that way 

Like I said in my previous post. MATCHING OUTFITS WITH ISAGI FRRRRR, not the ‘ that’s my girlfriend’ ‘that’s my boyfriend’ shirts but like even just colour matching outfits because that’s one of his own way of showing his relationship off 

Kunigami is the type of man to make you breakfast in bed anytime he could<3 a sweet and humble man 

Bachira Absolutely MELTS when you ruffle  or play with his hair, the bllk guys think you did something to him the first time they saw him being oddly calm with his head on your lap… they didn’t know that all they had to do was play with him hair and he would stfu LMAO

Sae loves to kiss you on your hand and the inside of your wrist to get your attention, its a simple but sweet gesture that he always does <3

Reo would skip his family meetings with rich people just to have a movie night with you because spending time with you is 1000x better

rin would secretly have a ring with your name engraved onto it and then have it on a necklace so he can have it close to his chest always <3

Shindo ís OBSESSED with you so he wants to involve you with everything he does, soccer? Come support him! Video games? Come watch or play along! Cooking? Let’s cook together! Mans just wants to spend all of his time with you<3

Barou would be an amazing cook and will always cook for you no matter what, that’s his way of him showing his love for you and he’s fucking good at it too

Chigiri would try to bake you stuff ( cake, cupcakes, cookies. Whatever you like) to cheer you up whenever your sad..whether or not it goes well is a completely different story he would ask barou for help AHHAHAH

Reo falls head over heels when you call him nicknames, its his favourite thing in the world and he would only ever let you do it

shindo always likes to share his food with you. loves seeing your face light up at the taste <3

Sae would force you to walk on the inside of the cross walk to try to protect you from anything that might happen with cars passing by 

Kunigami would also do whatever you please…. Want to do face masks? Sure. Try new makeup on him? That cool. Give him a runway show of the new clothes you got? Absolutely. This man is IN LOVE and would do anything just to see you smile 

Nagi would help you play games all the time, and if people talk shit about you on game then he would LOSE IT at them… would probably get banned for violent language 

RIn would always have a spare jumper in the back of his car just for you in case you get cold although he would scold you for not bringing your own HAHAHAH

We all know rich boy Reo would buy you whatever he sees at the store that he thinks you would love. Man is always thinking about you so he’s ready to spend MONEY just to see you in cute outfits and with a big smile 

Rin would hold your pinkies together when youre walking in public, although so small its such a nice and cute gesture… he’s shy man when it comes to you but he wants you to know that he’s there with you<3

When you get home from work Nagi would have your favourite meal ready ( uber eats he aint cooking bro don’t get your hopes up) so you don’t have to stress about cooking<3

Shindo would surprise you randomly with flowers( and lingerie ) because Its shindo we are talking about…. But he is trying to be romantic about it so ill give him that

Isagi would hide his face in your neck if you fluster him in public, he would have a literal brain malfunction and would just be a mannequin until he got his shit together HAHAHHA 

Barou likes to carry you bridal style or over the shoulder everywhere, makes him feel real strong and needed omg 

[ughgoaway]

your lil sick matty blurb makes me think of the first time baby annie is sick and just fussy and restless and matty being a new dad absolutely does not know what to do (throwback to annie chest wrap blurb where absolutely everyone gets involved eventually) i think he calls adam late at night slightly panicked because she won’t stop crying and she feels warm and he doesn’t know if he should take her to the hospital (it’s literally a cold and a slight fever) anywayyyyy, i have many many thoughts on this goodbye

VVVVVVVVV yes I adore this. I just know he is freaking tf out the whole time. He hears her cough once and is just staring at her constantly.

He's standing over the crib watching her, listening out for a cough or sniffle, but she seems to be alright… For now, anyway.

Eventually, he sleeps in Annie's room, sitting on a chair in the corner. He's not quite ready to leave her alone yet.

It's then that he finally understands the concept of a mother's intuition.

But 20 minutes later, a scream wakes him right up, and baby Annie is just crying endlessly. She clearly feels poorly, and Matty just doesn't know what to do :((

He rocks her in his arms, then on a rocking chair, he changes her, feeds her, gets her new clothes, and bathes her. He truly tries EVERYTHING.

But Annie won't stop crying and seeing her wet eyes with rosy red cheeks and a snotty nose is breaking him.

He ditches Dr. Google and goes to the thousand parenting books he bought before she was born to see if they have anything useful. He assumed the books would make him less scared, but somehow, they made it worse.

It's 3 am when Matty starts to really panic, she's been crying for 4 hours and refusing to eat. She’s also a tiny bit hot, or at least Matty convinces himself that she is.

He's googling furiously to see if he can give her any medication, but the more he reads, the more he freaks out.

He gets his shirt off and tries skin-to-skin with the baby wrap. He's hoping it will soothe her a tiny bit. Thank god annie eventually settles, only for 5 minutes, but it's enough time for a panicked call to Adam.

He's now convinced himself that Annie has scarlet fever, pneumonia, or smallpox. Or maybe all three at the same time.

(impossible, and Annie only has a slight cold. but he is a new dad - give him a break, okay?)

Needless to say, Adam isn't over the moon with the 4 am phone call. But once he answers the phone to Matty in a panic, he realises his friend needs him. So he's slightly less pissed, but when Annie is better Matty fucking owes him.

“She's got a fever. And her cheeks are all red. She won't eat. She won't sleep. I just don't know what to do, Adam??”

“MATTHEW. You do not get to call me at 4 a.m., freak out down the phone, and then ignore me.”

The whole time Adam is trying to cut in, but Matty is ignoring him completely.

“does she need to go to the hospital? How do I get a newborn to the hospital? She hasn't even really been in the car yet. Is there a baby part of the hospital? What if she needs surgery?? All the tools will be too big for her tiny body-”

For the first time all night, Matty takes a deep breath. 

“Right. Yes. sorry. I just had no idea what to do. I can't cope when im ill. But it turns out that when your child is ill, it is 1000x worse. this whole parent thing is hard”

Adam begrudgingly wakes Carly up, and they both calm Matty down. They explain that she doesn't have any diseases, but she probably has a slight cold. They tell him how much Calpol to give her and how to get her temperature down.

On the other side of the phone, Matty is slightly bouncing on the spot to soothe the grumbly baby on his chest as he's taking notes on what they're saying. 

“Good okay…Yes. Okay, im gonna go do all that”

“That sounds good Matty, let us know how she is tomorrow, okay?” Carly says softly, leaning on Adam's shoulder half asleep.

“I will. Thank you guys. I love you both”

“We love you too” and “gay” come from the phone at the same time, which oddly was exactly what Matty needed. 

By 6 a.m., Annie is cooler and is sleepy soundly in her cot. The same cannot be said for Matty. 

He is watching like a hawk and trying not to fall asleep standing up. His eyes keep on dropping, but every time Annie wiggles or makes a noise, his heart jumps, and he wakes right back up.

At some point, he goes to make a coffee and sits down as the kettle boilsm just 5 minutes of rest he assures himself. But Matty falls asleep at the table with his mouth open and heavy snores leaving him. 

Furious knocking at 10 am scares him half to death, and he trudges to the front door, eyes still heavy with sleep. He catches a quick look at himself in the hallway mirror and can't hide his disgust. 

His hair is insane, curls going in every direction and sticking on end from his stressed hands running through them. He has heavy bags under his eyes and bone-dry lips. He has some dried sick on his shoulder and an empty baby wrap loosely on his chest. 

But if he's honest, he couldn't give less of a fuck right now.

“What.” is how he answers the door, clearly not exactly thrilled with any visitors, but his face scrunched in confusion when all the boys are on the other side of the door.

“Why are you all here?” he asks as he rubs his eyes and walks back into his house, leaving the door open for them to follow.

“Hann told us Annie was sick, is she okay?” George asks worriedly, looking around the room for any sign of the infant. 

“Yeah, he said you called him at like 4 am, and she had a fever. We were worried about her” says Ross as he goes to boil the kettle to make coffee for a clearly sleep-deprived and groggy matty. 

“I tried to tell them she'd be okay, but they demanded to come over here and see her.” Adam rolls his eyes as he speaks, but still quietly adds, “ and I kinda wanted to see her too.”

That's the first thing in the past 24 hours that puts a smile on Matty's face. 

“You're all such saps.”

The three men scoff but don't make any real effort to deny it.

Matty grabs Annie from her cot, and she couldn't be happier this morning, same gummy smile and grabby hands as usual. She still has a snotty nose and pink cheeks, but it's clear she's feeling better.

The next 40 minutes are basically a game of pass the Annie as each man gets an opportunity to hold her and double-check she is okay. 

George scans her carefully, tracing every inch of her to make sure she's really okay. He holds her close to his chest and doesn't take his eyes off her the whole time she's on him.

Ross just holds her to his chest and sits on the sofa softly rocking her. He says soft things to her that no one can quite make out to and smiles down at her.

Adam has a rattle that she loves and does everything he can to make her happy again. resting her on his lap, showing her toys, shaking her rattle, and just smiling at her with a big grin. 

Annie settles in a small bassinet in the front room, and the 4 men sit on Matty’s sofas with tea and coffee in silence. All secretly listening for any signs of discomfort.

[honeycrispjamz]

also another thing to add.... misty potentially being a csa victim makes the whole ''you wish someone would do anal to you'' bullying so much more gutwrenching oh my god

I’ve always wanted to expand on this because it’s insane to me that the other girls never seem concerned for MISTY’s safety when it comes to the Ben situation. I understand they all believe on some level that Ben would never actually assault/have a relationship with Misty, but by believing that they ignore the very real ways he predates on not only Misty but all of their group labor. Yes, he lost a leg, rip, but well into the winter he still leeches on the girls’ collective attempt to survive. You never really see him doing anything but stare off into the distance (if my memory serves me well but I always block him out in the rewatches so idk) or like…. Fucking sitting in the corner lol.

It would be somewhat okay if he at least TRIED to sympathize with the girls and help them in any way he could, like idk HELPING SHAUNA. He taught the sex ed class! He at least knows more than the girls on what to do!!! He’s a coward!!!!

Also at the beginning of the show he allows Misty to wait on him hand and foot (no pun intended) but also is very cruel to her???? But still plays into the idea that he’s in love with her secretly??? Like that’s fucked on a whole nother level, you’re basically pretending to be in an abusive relationship with a teen girl for… what? When you could have just talked to her? Even if you still had to manipulate her by using your gayness as a kind of bargaining ticket (which understandably still does suck lots of ass) that’s 1000x better than??? Pretending to want to fuck her but “the rules of society won’t let us” like oh my god

[elizabethrobertajones]

Dean & Cas Are In Love

A hopefully one day conclusive study of these assholes, hopefully told as briefly as I can.

[it went fuckin canon? Rendered useless in my own job. Posting these gifsets from my drafts for @mittensmorgul​ who can make better use of them than me.]

-------

I think I giffed the first 4 just because no one can resist that hug and “nice peach fuzz” boop. The raw affection while Cas stays stock still because he’s living an entirely different genre of survival horror to Dean. You know, Dean in an action RPG with one clear objective (handily these are often like, Find Wife, for a generic action guy). And Cas is in some sort of indie psychological horror where the very concept of Wifey is poison and he must resist the temptations of Save Wife to paradoxically Save Wife. 

I think Gif 5 is right after “we’re getting out of here” just to seal Dean’s pride in having accomplished his objective and heard the quest completion music. 

Then a gif of Benny cutting in because this nonsense has gone on long enough and he can see Cas is resisting all this and Dean after a minute of this conversation is wilfully blind to what is plain to Benny: Cas is resisting all this good cheer, and to Benny this is suspicious because you SHOULD only want to get out of Purgatory. Benny is being used here to show the absolute blinders Dean has on when it comes to Cas: to have a straight guy to the dynamic (ironically) simply to display that Dean is NOT on a simple emotional level here, and if he wasn’t already proving to be compromised over Cas in getting here, now they’ve arrived it’s become abundantly clear he’s on a whole other level with Cas to Benny when we’re talking Brothers In Arms.

(I mean Dean has a whole subtextually gay thing with Benny too, who comes across incredibly queer and in like a sad gay movie with Dean in the Benny-centric episodes, so when I say they exemplify Brothers In Arms and Benny is the straight guy, I am talking by Supernatural standards.) 

The I Prayed To You line then drops one of the biggest bombs in all of Destiel, and in later years will be amplified by the Longing Retcon two seasons later, which implies all prayer to a specific angel doesn’t need a whole formal letterhead and stamp and mailing address carefully written on it before it can be sent, but can just be a quick drunk text from your heart with no conscious intent. Making this entire year 1000x worse from Cas’s survival horror game perspective. Even before that, of course, this was the most dramatic statement of emotional intent from Dean we’d gotten thus far and as with the “has too much heart” statement being a thesis on Cas, this became basically the tentpole evidence for Dean’s point of view on Destiel, proving how much he cared.

Cas then reveals a sliver of how rough it’s been for him, and shattered Dean’s bubble with the explanation of where he went on arrival in Purgatory and why. That it was another self-sacrificial gambit, and a forbidden star-crossed lovers type thing of Cas being near Dean would doom him simply by proximity. Nom nom nom tropes.  

[starryriize]

xikers reacting to you liking f1

╰┈ ⋆｡˚ 🪼author’s note: this is a repost from my other acc!! i think i might do an smau for racer xikers…idk we’ll see

🫧laur's taglist: @chiiyuuvv @cherrycolaberry @leehanascent @hyvelxve

minjae - would 100% be down to watch f1 with you!! strikes me as the type to love the underdogs of the grid (williams, alfa, etc) and definitely watches the funniest moments of f1 with you later :) also watches grill the grid with you just to see if either of you know the answers

junmin- he definitely has f1tv and has seen drive to survive so best believe that he's incredibly happy that you like f1...even if it's because charles leclerc is devastatingly handsome. is 1000% down to watch it with you after you get home from work or when you need a break from studies! he definitely gets you matching f1 merch

sumin - he’s lowkey unimpressed by f1 since it’s watching cars go round and round BUT he’s willing to watch a few races with you bc he knows how much you enjoy it!! doesn’t admit it but later watches drive to survive and orders matching merch for the two of you!!

jinsik - doesn’t strike me as the type to follow f1 all that much but he’s definitely down to watch highlights and binge drive to survive! he’s definitely a big fan of oscar and yuki :) wants to watch past races because he thinks that the history behind f1 is so cool which leads to cuddling while watching the story of fangio on netflix and how f1 started!!

hyunwoo - once again, doesn’t strike me as the type to really want to watch it but is definitely a fan of the ps5 game!! has a whole day set aside for when you each catch up on what kinds of f1 news you’ve been reading and then a cuddle sesh while watching f1 recaps and netflix!! he finds it cute that you support the underdog teams :)

hunter - he’s cultured and tbh gets so hype when you tell him you got paddock passes!! definitely wants to meet yuki and see the mclaren cars <3 the type to take insta worthy pics of you at the GP too!! oh he’s also most definitely aware of every single trend and gossip going around the f1 world

junghoon - he’s seen it and is vaguely familiar with it but decides to start with drive to survive. wants you to not be ashamed to like motorsport! asks why you like f1 and when you begin explaining that you simply like the whole team management concept, he suggests you major in management instead of what your parents expect you to do

seeun - strikes me as the one to be happy for you but he thinks it’s a waste to pay for the f1tv subscription so he finds other ways to enjoy f1 with you!! he’s definitely bought you some ferrari jewelry or apm monaco stuff because he knows you like ferrari!! he’s always ready with two cups of coffee and blankets when you want to play f1 with him!! he usually would play and let you win because he likes seeing your smile

yujun - i don’t think he would follow f1 all that much but is 100% down to watch the race highlights with you :)) definitely listens intently when you explain the rules and how each team has been doing! thinks your commentary is much better than crofty because your voice is 1000x more calming to him, plus he remembered it all!! went and got you daniel’s merch after you kept going on about his story and how you sympathized with him!! whatever team you like, he likes <3

yechan - the type to make bets about who wins in which he always says some underrated driver who definitely has no chance and you say verstappen. definitely sends you reels and edits of f1 drivers immediately followed by a selfie of him where he asks who is cuter!! thinks you only watch f1 for the drivers and you keep repeating that it’s because you’ve liked mclaren since you were little! watches highlights and grill the grid with you, but tells you to spend money on his photo cards not on f1 drivers :(

🫧join laur’s taglist!

[silly-boio]

[1/7]

Gonna be getting a roommate for my first year of Uni soon and gosh I really really want em to be queer. Practically I think it'll be a lot easier than getting an engineering/finance bro, because I'm sure they'd be fine to room with, a queer roommate I can be friends with is 1000x better. Plus, yk, queer people tend to be a lot more sexually liberated...

It's the trope. Winters are cold asf here, so yk we might just have to cuddle for warmth, even with the heat. And even after we're warmed up, we might just keep snuggling.

I'd go feral feeling him get comfy on my chest. I mean obviously not all right away, but if he felt safe with me when we cuddled I'd be STOLEN. It would be a slippery slope right down to the tropes continuing.

Where we might have gotten some privacy to change in the past, we might just change in front of each other. Talking about sex and smut more openly. Eventually to the point where we're like "ya know, we're really pent up, you can just jerk off while I'm in the room if you want".

After that it's just a jerking off at the same time, we look over at each other.

"D-Do wanna..."

"Yea..."

Then he slides over to my bed, red in the face, sits down next to me. Leans up against me, like when we cuddle, except now he's actively pumping in front of me. We're jerking off together, blatantly ogling the other person, till he can't take it any more and just straddles my lap, pumping out dicks together. Our pre mixing together and lubing is up till we're humping our dicks together.

This just builds and builds until we make a frankly enormous mess between the two of us. Creaming all over each other's dicks. Him falling on top of me into the crook of my neck, panting and throbbing out the last of his orgasm.

Then the cutest aftercare ever. Lots of kissing and giggles ensue. Paper towels we stole from the cafeteria to clean up the product of weeks of uncut sexual tension. And, of course, snuggling until the both of us had to go to classes.

Anyway, what was I talking about, roommates? Yea, I need me a cute twink roommate so we can have the hottest gay sex that dorm room has ever seen.

[octoagentmiles]

Hello! I was wondering what you'd think the octo-agents would do if you got sick. Blorbo thoughts go burr

Natquik my beloved. He has at least 20+ years of Polar Scout first aid knowledge, and roughly 30 years of "pure adrenaline/spite-fueled survival in Antarctica" instincts; so you're either gonna get a nasal strip and a raw ginger root to chew on... or a surprise shove into an ice bath, followed by a cup of hot cocoa. You don't get to pick which one.

Pirates have their own unique "medical practices," if you can dare to call them that. So... Calico Jack WILL cure you of whatever's ailing ye, but you're in for one HELL of a ride. Have fun! :D

Tracker has over 20 years of Polar Scout first aid knowledge, so he's basically Natquik but without the 50/50 chance of being forcibly thrown into Arctic waters when you least expect it. He will make it his temporary life purpose to make you feel better. He will not sleep, eat, drink, or work until you are Fixed™. He will make himself sick in the process, this is inevitable.

Ranger Marsh has father instincts + who knows how many years of experience taking care of the Everglades critters when they're hurt or sick, so he's basically a certified medic. He might LITERALLY be certified. Either way, he's also kinda like Natquik in the sense that he definitely has a normal first aid kit/medicine cabinet,, but he's going to force you to take weird swamp cures anyway.

Pearl has mother instincts but they're still relatively new, so she might treat you like a baby with a fever: tell you to take a lukewarm bath, make sure you get snuggled up in a cozy bed to rest, and watch you like a hawk while you guzzle down 7346389 liters of fluids.

Paani will straight up sit there and stare at you. You can't tell me this guy takes care of himself properly when he feels sick, so he has no clue how to help you. Realistically he'd pass you on to someone else, but let's say he doesn't do that—instead I can see him trying to tell you that you can "speed up" getting better by going out and getting dirty, running around, eating spicy food, etc., and at the end of the day you'll either end up actually feeling a lot better, or 1000x worse–

Ryla is actually the same. She's gonna drag you out into some random cave whether you want to go or not, and tell you to eat those weird-smelling berries she found because they're "good for your immune system." Unlike with Paani though I feel like somehow this would 100% work. It's basic cave diving stuff, page 574 of her book, don't question it.

Min is the only normal person. She'll make you some tea, insist you take a nap, and tell the Octonauts to make sure that you really do (instead of saying you will, but then "forgetting"). She doesn't want to get herself sick, so you can expect most of her check-ins to be through video calls. She won't seem very worried about you, but that's only because she knows you're tough enough to get through this.

[fatuismooches]

The idea was originally for my dottore fic but it got a but too long so I had to scrap it... So where else to share it than to you ofc (and the other dottore likers here)

I've always like the idea who works with/for Dottore. (This means you've been experimented/modified to keep you from dying, similar to the modifications he's made onto his own body) Ofc you would, you're his most trusted assistant among all others! Working with him though meant you partially work for the Fatui as well... As per order from the Jester himself, and sometimes Dottore, you're sent out on missions, but they're never big enough to take you too long.

One day though, after returning from a mission, you stumble inside Dottore's laboratory, all bloodied and littered with injuries. Of course, upon seeing your state, the segments go on a frenzy of panic, concern and rage. Everything else is forgotten and they're all immediately on you, and it was prettyyy overwhelming... Some of them are asking with concern if you're okay, and what hurts and if you could walk, others are scolding you for being reckless enough to get badly hurt from your mission. But you could tell they were all so concerned for you and they HATE to see you covered with YOUR own blood :(

I'm pretty sure you'll do fine, you have a bunch of doctors fretting and caring for you. A few segments are patching you up, disinfecting your woulds and wiping away your blood, while some are (mildly) testing your body and fixing the wires and mods attached to what's left of your organic parts... They're all soooo gentle and soothing, when you flinch or hiss from the pain, they're all frowning and muttering silent apologies and promising you'll feel much better afterwards.. Then they're 100% all making mental notes to make the people who hurt you for... No other reason :3

And then when you finally go to Dottore's office, covered in bandages, he's so fussy that you didn't call for him for his help. You try to reassure him the segments took care of you but... Yeah, he's pretty jealous and upset because he can take care of you 1000x better than all of them combined (he personally did all the modifications on ur body after all), but he's so glad ur okay and he's not letting you go outside of his lab for at least a month or so 😭😭😭

I just think there's something so intimate on dottore fixing your parts and body x3

OH MY GOSH YOU'RE SO REAL FOR THIS.... ME AND THE OTHER DOTTORE ENJOYERS ARE LOVING THIS

Aww yes,,, ;( I so completely agree, I feel like having *the* Dottore work on your body is such a huge show of trust between the two of you! Like, you know what he's done to other people, but you aren't scared of what he'd do you to at all, because you really do trust and love him that much. It makes me think of that moment in your Dottore drabble that I really loved, when he put his hands around reader's neck but they weren't scared at all, being more curious and sassy than anything, i LIVE for displays of affection (which, to normal people, would not be 💀) between these two like that 🤭 Okay moving on- yes yes I agree... sometimes Dottore wishes he kept you a secret because he doesn't like how the Fatui just steals you away from him at all. But he and the clones deal with it.

For the most part, you never needed to worry about injuries, as you were quite strong. It kind of comes with being the Doctor's lover... unfortunately, you aren't as calculating as he, and sometimes things go haywire. Such as this time... For the most part, you really have nothing to worry about, you have a bunch of clones of one of the most knowledgeable men in Teyvat healing you with NO rest or stopping at all. What other injured person could say they've been treated that well? That's right, there is none. Ahhhh... but they also don't have to deal with all of the segments talking at once and doing 10 different operations and treatments on you and asking you 15 questions per minute, and also them swearing to do *censored bad things* to the people who did this to you, and then them fighting with each other for asking you dumb questions and "stressing you out". Yes, indeed overwhelming, but... at least they are cuties and they genuinely care for you.

OMGGG IDEK WHAT I CAN ADD FOR THE SEGMENTS TREATING YOUR WOUNDS THAT'S SOOOO CUTE 😭❤️❤️❤️ I am just. Disintegrating. Them turning soft just for you and giving you that royalty treatment fr ;( ahhh my heart <33 It's not everyday you see the segments working in harmony together, but you know it's a serious matter when they are!

LMFAO I bet you'd walk into Dottore's office like "honey im home! <3" and he'll look up and see you just smiling with a bunch of bandages and he'd just be .... blank for a few seconds. Oh he is so fussy. Mad you got injured, mad at the people who hurt you, mad at the Jester for sending you out which got you hurt, mad at the segments who got to treat you instead, mad that he let you get hurt... reader get ready because you're not leaving the lab for a bit! Ahaha !!! 😅😅😅

[chaifootsteps]

Stargazer anon!

I gave a listen to the songs, and I am absolutely frustrated by Loser, Baby. Who in their right mind would tell an SA victim they're being whiny and not special? Who? Why would you even compare traumas? Doing that just makes the other person feel invalidated. That is Psych 101 stuff. It had the potential to be a cute ship, now Huskerdust's ruined for me. Viv really be teaching how to not write a yaoi ship and spotting red flags when making one.

Aside from that, Respectless and Whatever It Takes made me like Velvette and Carmilla. Zestial and Carmilla are pretty cool. The side characters are a 1000x better than the MCs. I'm even starting to dislike Al's presence - he's lost his mysterious appeal. But dear lord Val's accent is dreadfully inconsistent.

I hope you're doing well with all the bs that's happening with Viv and her stans. Honestly, without you I'd have never found out that Viv was actually rich and all the terrible crap she's done.

Btw, what's your favourite Studio Ghibli film? Mine's, unsurprisingly, Spirited Away though I also like Howl's Moving Castle and (if you count it as one) Nausicaa. The Pom Poko post hit hard, although the OG cast are doing way better at least. I noticed Vaggie just being in the bg, is there something with Monica? I don't think I know much of what happened with her.

- And what potential to be cute it had! We could have had these two guys bonding over how much their lives suck in general, but left Angel's rape victim status out of it, and I would have honestly been all over that. So close, Viv, so goddamn fucking close.

- Aww, thank you! That always helps to hear, honestly keeps me going.

- Monica's fine, she's besties with Viv and went with her to Japan on a tour of every abusive animal establishment they could fit into their itinerary.

- My favorite Ghibli film is My Neighbor Totoro! Here's my guy that I bought in Harajuku a decade ago with the intent to use him as a pillow on the plane ride home, trauma bonded with him, and he's still with me to this day -- a few chest spots down, but deeply loved.

[justthoughts1310]

Live Action Naruto: Does Sakura need to be re-written?

Spoiler Alert: The answer is Yes and No.

Now, if you follow me or look at my page, you will see that I wrote a post a few months ago about how Netflix's ATLA is misogynist, because of how they rewrote the female characters. So, you might be wondering if that went so poorly before, why would I advocate for it now? Well, because Dante DiMartino and Konietzko wrote a cultural and feminist master class on how to make compelling, strong female characters and I honestly do not know how they did it. I have No IDEA how these two men did this, because men have failed at this for centuries.

The creators of ATLA did not write one strong female character, they wrote an entire class of strong female characters who are diverse and strong in many different ways. Their show exemplifies the fact that there is no one right way to be strong or a woman. So... why? Why do I think Sakura Haruno needs to be re-written for the Naruto live action? Simply put, because Masashi Kishimoto did a bad job writing a strong female character, and as a reader of Boruto, I can tell you that he is still doing a very very bad job.

One could argue that he almost did a good job and then jumped off a cliff. I hope Himawari will be better, but I am not convinced, because he is failing Sarada (an Uchiha) miserably.

I digress.

Now some may argue, who cares if Kishimoto is doing a bad job? Naruto is a boys' show.

Maybe that was Kishimoto's intention, but it certainly isn't the reality anymore. Naruto is one of the most popular animes to ever exist, and A LOT of women watch it (including me), because it has a beautiful and compelling message about the power of hard work and human connection.

Now what would I rewrite about Sakura?

Her greatest character flaw of course, which is not hat she was mean to Naruto as a child. As NCHAMMER23 pointed out, she actually reflects the sentiments of the leaf village. She's also an irritating know it all to begin with, so her disliking Naruto because of his antics (and not understanding her own privilege) is very much in line with her personality and is a sign of her immaturity.

No. Her greatest character flaw is her simp behavior for Sasuke Uchiha and it gets her every single time. Her simp behavior makes her forever a damsel in distress to the most abusive and trash male character in the entire Hidden Leaf. It undermines everything about her, and makes her one of the most hated characters in the entire show. She is literally useless against Sasuke despite being the strongest Kunoichi in the entire Naruto Universe. The truth is that when Sakura falls short, all the kunoichi fall short. When Sakura has to be rescued by Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi because of the most minute and inconsequential thing, it is an immense disservice to all of the Kunoichi, even Kunoichi like Temari who seldom need to be saved. Not to mention that the whole thing is just cringe.

However, it's not just a disservice to the Kunoichi, it's a disservice to the entire show. Why? Because Sakura embodies the central message of Naruto 1000X better than Naruto Uzumaki does.

Naruto Uzumaki is a demi-God who was born with every advantage in the Universe born to the most famous ninja in the village, who doesn't yet know how to use his powers, because his powers are that OP. Sakura is a no name, no talent ninja, with very low chakra reserves, who truly makes the best of what she has. She becomes a phenomenal ninja through hard work, perseverance, and intelligence.

When Sakura gets tripped up by stupid stuff and is saved by these three male characters: Kakashi, Naruto and Sasuke who were born with every talent and advantage in the world, it throws the entire point of Naruto into the freaking trash bin! Now I get it. We get it. Men on average are bigger, faster, and stronger, but as evidenced from Boruto that's not what Naruto is about. Combat amongst elite ninja is not a battle of strength, it is a battle of expertise and perseverance, it is a chess match, and if there's anyone who should be good at chess matches, it's Sakura Haruno. She is literally known for her brilliance and resourcefulness and perseverance.

So for this reason, the whole Sasuke fan girl thing and damsel in distress thing has got to go!

Now some of you might say, wait justthoughts1310, Sasuke was a large part of her driving motivation to get stronger. That's true. He was and so was Naruto, which is why Sakura should be modeled off of Attack on Titan's Mikasa Ackerman in this regard. Mikasa is a total simp for Eren Yeager, but she never lets him get too out of pocket. She'll punch him in the face if need be, and she is ultimately the one who kills him. Mikasa is indisputably stronger than Eren, and if not for Mikasa's love for Eren, Eren would stand no chance against Mikasa in a real fight. Eren knows this. That's why he never dared to challenge her.

Mikasa's immense love for both Eren and Armin is her driving motivation to become as strong as she is. Her desire is to protect them, because they wanted to join the Survey Corp and then the Scouts. Mikasa didn't want to do either of those things, and she even told Eren that he probably wasn't cut out to be a soldier.

However, because of her undying love and desire to protect Eren and Armin, Mikasa is the second strongest character in the entire show next to Levi. Titans don't stand a chance against Levi, and men and soldiers do not stand a chance against Mikasa.

Graphic Warning (In Italics): I mean Mikasa literally cut off a guy's head, impaled him into another guy, set off a thunder spear, and showered in their blood. When the other yeagerist saw this, they freaked out and RAN. As they should. Though, I still think Mikasa's unwavering love for Eren undermines her character, because it becomes her entire personality, I think that Sakura has a lot more to offer in that regard.

Sakura's personality could round out and complete these aspects of Mikasa's personality and make Sakura an all around more compelling character. Unlike Mikasa, Sakura has a whole personality outside of Sasuke. This is likely because Sasuke has been away from the village for so long. In reality, Sakura's love for Sasuke isn't her personality. It is one of her only (and most glaring), personality flaws.

So, in truth, I say that I would both rewrite Sakura and not rewrite her for the live action, because I wouldn't rewrite her. I would alter her personality flaw and make it the source of her strength. Her burning desire is to protect the two most important people to her: Sasuke and Naruto, and she holds both of them to equal account. No more of Sasuke's bullshit. He deserves to be punched in the face too. Of course sometimes Sakura will need a little help and a little bit of saving, but not more or less than any male character of comparable skill.

Sakura is the story of Naruto hidden in plain sight. Getting rid of her or rewriting her altogether would be an immense disservice. What the live action needs to do is work harder to highlight the characteristics that Sakura already has and bring them to the foreground.

Sakura is already the strongest Kunoichi in the Naruto universe by the time of Boruto, the movie needs to showcase how she became just that.

[energysoda]

Could we perhaps get William afton x chubby reader?

Thank you in advance if you end up taking this request <3

Yes of course!! :)

CW: William Afton behavior (murderer, controlling, stalking, etc), some sexual themes towards the end

William Afton x Chubby Reader Headcanons (Gender-Neutral)

You were at a local bar with some of your friends from work, and William happened to be sitting nearby

To be honest, he ended up eavesdropping in on your conversation

You admittedly piqued his interest, and as the night went on and your work friends made the dick move to abandon you, he took the opportunity to strike up a conversation and buy you a drink

After that, to your surprise he asked you out on a date to which you agreed and the relationship escalated from there

He is very protective of you, and kills anyone who is rude to you, upsets you, harasses you, etc.

(Which, the work friends who ditched you at the bar, end up going missing... bro did not let that slide)

This protectiveness over you is probably heightened too by the fact that he himself spent the majority of his life overweight and so he knows what it's like to be treated worse because of it (and it makes him incredibly angry to see you automatically treated badly by others just because of your weight)

He lowkey stalks you, his internal justification of it is that he's watching over you 'like a guardian angel' but tbh it's creepier than that

Would convince you to quit your job and work at the pizzeria just so he can be in closer proximity to you more of the time (mans is kinda clingy as well as needy tbh. if he couldn't convince you to quit your job he'd orchestrate a way for your employer to fire you...)

In winter especially he is a stage five clinger; he gets cold easily so he fucking attaches himself onto you like a parasite to keep warm (that's his excuse to you at least, but you know it's also because he loves physical contact with you)

William is actually pretty decent at sewing, and he loves making clothes for you (part of that is because his mind sort of sees it as claiming you)

Also, if there are any clothes you want that you can't find in your size he will make something 1000x better just for you, and if any of your clothes fit weird, he'll help tailor them to fit you better

(image of him hovering around you with pins in his mouth, eyes deep in focus as he pins fabric in place on you-- honestly would be very distracting for you to go thru this man is so fine istg)

He loves marking you up (with kisses, hickies, cuts, bruises, etc) and he loves how there's a lot of space on you for him to do so much in that regard

He is so down bad for you like you live rent free in this mans mind 24/7, he is extremely attracted to you and he doesn't think he's needed anyone else more than he needs you

Sex with William can be pretty intense, he loves ravaging you fr

Also big praise kink and fan of body worship (giving or receiving-- either way he loves it)

He's also very vocal during sex, man groans and rambles and shit, letting out praises and obscenities while he fucks you

After sex he loves cuddling, and watching you as you fall asleep while he plants soft kisses on you and pets your hair

Yeah, he likes watching you while you sleep (kinda creepy but also oddly endearing: a general theme with him)

[unpopularvivian]

Do you have headcanons on how much do steam team characters swear

You know what. I am going to make them right now:

Thomas: Doesn't swear that much when he's around older engines (Like Edward, Toby or Gordon) but every once in a while he will drop a huge f-bomb whenever he feels like it. Basically he's the dude to say "Toodles" but then says "SHIT" when he's panicking.

Edward: Oh boy.... I don't even know how to put this into words... His mouth is as dirty as a wastewater facility. Constantly swears whenever he's stressed or pissed (Which happens a lot). Unintentionally teaches younger engines swear words more than the engines that purposefully do. If it wasn't for Toby or Gordon constantly keeping an eye on him, he would be cussing 24/7.

Henry: Nobody has heard him swear in his life. The closest thing that would count as him saying swears are mild swear words like "Heck" or "Crap".

Gordon: Thinks swearing is absolutely disgraceful and calls out engines who do swear. Is Sodor's swear police no #1. Doesn't swear except for the time Bill and Ben were about to push him into the sea. Dropped a MASSIVE "Shitheads" bomb and the twins know better to not push on his buttons too much.

James: Usually swears when he's throwing insults at someone. Quite creative too. She can come up with roasts that nobody else can. Her language is as red as her coat of paint. The only time that they aren't swearing while insulting was the time their brakes caught on fire and they were yelling "Shit" repeatedly.

Percy: Sometimes he swears and sometimes he doesn't. It's 50/50 with them considering that they have to watch their language when they're around their younger brothers, Phillip and Pluto. Somehow he manages to make the most offensive curse words sound so casual.

Toby: Also doesn't swear that much. The only times that he swears is when he's angry and even in that situation, he always mumbles them under his breath so that nobody can hear him. Swear police no #2.

Emily: Pretty much the same of Percy. The only difference between them is that she manages to make curse words 1000x worse. Like she would turn them into the most offensive things to ever be uttered from her mouth.

(Also side note if you're confused with James' and Percy's pronouns: James is genderqueer and uses any pronouns while Percy is a demiboy and uses they/them/he/him with no preference at all)