#you know that one line we all associate with wolfstar

[olowkapdf]

[classicaltragedys-blog]

Marauders era unpopular opinions and thoughts

I think it’s weird that one of the things people hate Snape for is that he made friends with death eaters then make those same death eaters uwu sad gay boys who didn’t actually mean to hurt anyone. (Barry, Evan, etc.) like canonically they were his friends. Like you can’t hate Snape for associating with death eaters then make those same death eaters who did worse “good people” and friends with the marauders. (I mean sure have fun with fanon but then don’t harass Snape fans or people who have different fanon interpretations of the marauders)

also weird when people romanticize death eaters and their actions when it’s Barty, Evan, Regulus, but they draw the line at Bellatrix, Snape, Lucius, because these characters are actually bad but it’s just head canons. Like Snape as an incel and Lucius as an abuser. It’s weird to romanticize their action period.

I think the fandom replaces Peter with Regulus. I think it’s because Peter is unattractive and Regulus can only really be in the fandom with hot fan casts. But he is ten times more interesting than Regulus.

I think if any black brother was in love with James it would be Sirius.

The comphet versions of wolfstar are weird. I remember when Remus was the uwu shy boy and Sirius the manly alpha then people started calling it out as weird so then it switched and everyone pretended that was groundbreaking but it’s still weird they are both 30 year old men. (Not when they are men that happen to have long hair and like some feminine interests but when it’s super out of character so one is the woman and one is the man)

Snape being homophobic and transphobic is not cannon and out of character since he has been shown with black nail polish in official merch and has been one of the only male characters that have worn women’s clothing.

I hate angry womanizer and shy uwu boy remus that is a man.

I wish Lily got more fics where she is gender confused. Like she struggles with the idea of womanhood and motherhood (when that is all she seen as is the ideal figure for both of these in canon and fandom)

I want more Peter x James fics not gonna lie. The same goes for Sirius x James (specifically unrequited or one sided that shit goes hard)

I want more Lily and Petunia fics those sisters are so complicated I want a fics where I see their relationship break apart. And see more of Petunia’s resentment toward Harry for just existing.

Give Regulus the one trait we know he had which was prejudice.

Not marauders era but Ron is a wonderful character I hate seeing him made into a homophobe for drarry fics it’s giving snape in marauders fics 2.0 (I adore Ron)

An extra one the marauders disliking and mistrusting Albus is so out of character for all four of them. Even after Sirius was revealed innocent they still trusted the man. And fics where they hate him or distrust him immediately. It takes me out because it was the exact opposite in Cannon. I think it’s fine if we get to that point where they see that he’s not a perfect man but not when It’s immediate.

[musicoftheheart]

Fave Marauders song? ☣️

hi! okay, so im assuming you mean a song i associate with each marauder? (this is a long answer ahaha, i like to talk)

also, if you want me to do more of these for any other characters or any ships, let me know!! this was a lot of fun to think about and write <333

ill start with james. the first song (because i cannot just pick one) would have to be 'peace' by taylor swift. hes a bundle of energy, and he tends to act before he thinks (see: wand left on couch.) "[danger's] just around the corner darling, cause it lives in me. no i could never give you peace." but also hes a lover, and he would do anything for the people he cares for. "im a fire and ill keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade ocean wave blues come" etc. theres still that little bit of uncertainty in him though; "would it be enough if i could never give you peace?" its him.

similarly, though, i think of him when i hear 'epiphany' from the same album. idk if its because i associate it with the first wizarding war and therefore james, but i just- its him. it just is.

i also hc james to have some level of mental health struggles, whether it be anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder. so, in my head, both 'talk too much' (specifically the ramble/bridge) and 'gemini moon' by reneé rapp scream james potter. i think 'gemini moon' would be something he'd try to hide relating to, because in his head hes supposed to be perfect, hes supposed to be a rock for everyone else. hes the golden boy of gryffindor tower, yknow. these also feel more like they relate to the modern/muggle aus i like to read though

on a similar note: 'mirrorball' by taylor swift. hes always putting on this show to make people smile, to help people, to make them laugh. he adapts to be what people need, but when he finally snaps, when everything just becomes too much, he doesnt just break - he shatters. "i know they said the end is near but im still on my tallest tiptoes" this could also relate to the war; he knows voldemort is targeting him, lily, and harry, but hes still trying to keep positive. "they called off the circus, burned the disco down" all the joy from hogwarts is gone because of the war but "im still trying everything to get you laughing at me" he wants to keep people smiling. he wants people to have hope.

also, although im trying to avoid ships, major shoutout to pretty much every jeremy shada song to exist, because theyre so james potter-coded regarding his love life and the way he loves people

alright, imma move onto sirius before i ramble too far. this first song ties a little into james though - 'seven' by taylor swift. specifically, james talking to sirius about his family and inviting him to live with the potters instead. have a listen and youll agree

still on his relationship with his family, sirius is definitely a 'family line' by conan gray sort of guy. he would scream it at the top of his lungs.

furthermore, sticking w conan gray, i love 'found heaven' as a sirius song, too. after spending so much of his life being told all the things wrong with him, only to discover his sexuality - yet another thing i think he'd have issues accepting about himself - he eventually does find that acceptance. "youll never get your mama's wedding ring. father always said you ruined everything. but you prayed, begged and prayed, heart unchanged" "dont be scared little child, you're no demon" "your heart is breaking as you leave that door. you never meant to start this holy war. but youre trapped, pack your bags, dont look back" just all of it. its him.

on a more positive note, though, i see 'boys & girls' by conan gray as his song too. again, im trying to keep away from talking about specific ships and focus on the individuals, but this works even more if you ship wolfstar. imagine remus singing this about sirius. as much as we all like to say remus is a cassanova of gryffindor, hes a lanky nerd covered in scars. he isnt typically/stereotypically "attractive", not like sirius. sirius, who is saught after by many, but never dares to look at his friend like that, because how could he? theyre friends, and thats all. right?

that leads nicely into remus. i dont have as many options to hand for remus as james and sirius, so ill just go through all that i can remember off the top of my head. most obviously: 'the view between villages' by noah kahan. i feel like i dont even need to explain this one. its all him. you could look at it from the beginning of poa when he returns to hogwarts, or you could look at it from when he goes back to hogwarts to fight in the final battle to ultimately die. either way, its him.

god okay i know i said i want to avoid ships but i just have to throw this in here. 'in the kitchen' by reneé rapp is so remus after he loses sirius, either to azkaban or the veil. give it a listen and tell me im wrong.

its a bit of a sad one, but 'the next right thing' from frozen 2 is kinda giving me remus vibes. like, especially after the first war, all his friends are dead, or traitors. and now dumblefuck is asking him to come back to hogwarts to teach his dead friends' son? what else was he to do but drag himself out of his misery and put harry first? he didnt have his friends left to fight for anymore, but he could still make a difference for harry.

'memories' by conan gray is also giving remus. i could see it being about sirius maybe coming to him after he escapes azkaban or after the prank, but i actually see it more as his thoughts after dumblefuck visits him to get him to teach at hogwarts. obv not every line of the song, but the main idea of it. "i wish that you would stay in my memories, but you show up today just to ruin things. i wanna put you in the past cause im traumatised, but youre not letting me do that"

that was... a much smaller amount of songs for remus than i thought i had. does anyone have any suggestions?

for peter, i had to do a little more thinking, honestly. 'i almost do' by taylor swift makes me think of him bc like, do you ever think peter considered trying to reach out to remus at all during those 12 years between james' death and sirius' escape from azkaban? i know it probably would not have gone well for him if he had but like... ive thought about it.

similarly, 'miss you' by conan gray. does peter have regrets about what he did? maybe. is he allowed to miss his friends after what he did? maybe. so much of this song does feel like what peter might have been thinking following the betrayal. "is it wrong to now decide i miss you?" yeah, maybe buddy.

but then maybe he wouldnt have, yknow. so my next thought was 'crossing the line' from tangled the series. its so incredibly peter & james coded (with james as rapunzel)

on a more fanon side of things, i think my answer would be 'bruises' by reneé rapp. if we're going with the whole thing where sirius especially, but the other marauders as a whole treat peter as lesser (i dont think thats canon, and honestly im not a huge fan of the hc either, but its still something i now associate w peter) then 'bruises' really captures how he'd feel. "all my friends make sweet fun of me...sure im down to be the joke, metaphorically though you could flip me inside out and it would show black purple and green" its his song if you hc this

finally, i put forward 'run' by taylor swift and ed sheeran. i want to think that, before turning to voldemort, peter tried to convince his loved ones to just escape the war. leave it for someone else to fight and die in. he wanted to survive, and he wanted his friends to survive too, if he could. ultimately, his friends wanted to stay. james and sirius had been wanting to join the order more than anything after they graduated, and remus felt he owed a debt, if nothing else. they werent going to leave or sacrifice their moral compass to save themselves. so peter ran, alone.

im going to leave it here for now, but again please feel free to ask for more characters or any ships!! i have songs for a couple other characters, i think, and a few ships, so ill do my best to answer what i can <33

[twisted-tales-told]

sirius 🤲🏻

YES

This ask game

My favourite thing about Sirius Black is how goddamn unforgiving he is. He’s not going to apologize for being himself. He’s not going to change for anyone, in fact he can’t. He’s fought so hard to be who he wanted to be. And he never takes the good things in his life for granted. He knows what it’s like to have the whole world against you and he had to learn the hard way that nobody was going to fight for him if he didn’t fight for himself first.

And then he met James and had to unlearn that. He had to learn and unlearn things so many times that it softened him. I think Sirius as an old man is a very kind-hearted human being. I see him sitting in silence enjoying nature and birds because the world has put him through so much that he deserves that kind of peace.

There’s nothing I don’t like about Sirius Black :/ a younger more immature version of me would have said that I don’t like that he’s mean but I actually love that he’s mean now. So.

Favourite line: “we have a fucking werewolf” from choices. All the cruelty he’s capable of is put into this line. This is Sirius Black without love and without mercy. This is who he is if he refused to commit to being a good person. But he’s a stubborn little guy, and fights his way back every time he messes up.

Brotp SIRIUS AND JAMES SIRIUS AND JAMES

OTP will always be Wolfstar I genuinely don’t think he can end up with anyone else—again because he’s too goddamn stubborn. Like Remus could be happy with someone else I think. Maybe not as happy, but content maybe? But Sirius???

Notp sometimes I see Sirius/one of the prewett twins and I don’t like it. He should be looking up to them as prank masters

Random headcanon: he & Mary have the same shoe size and he steals all her cool shoes

Unpopular opinion: l feel like I don’t have one?? I really hate when people are weird about him finding out that regulus is dating James though. Like in canon I think it forces him to re-think who these two people are and that’s more his thing than anyone elses in an au I don’t see why he’d care all that much.

Song I associate with him: way too many oh god!! I’m just gonna say rocky horror picture show as a whole

Favourite picture of him: it’s that one that looks like he’s in space I don’t know how to describe it any better.

[ashesandhackles]

About the character ask game: one of your top 5… REMUS

Yay! Boy do I have thoughts on him - some of which slightly grittier, because I enjoy that interpretation of him! : D

• favorite thing about them

He is a wonderful, empathetic teacher with an affinity for the underdog. He is also really quietly funny ( "i daresay you have had enough of tea leaves" + the entire "one he is sitting in my chair, two he is wearing my clothes, three his name is Remus Lupin"). Also, i find the passive aggressive war he has with Snape in POA utterly hilarious.

• Least favorite thing about them

Tbh, I think Remus is criticised for things that he shouldn't be (not checking on Harry as a kid, not keeping in touch after POA - all of it understandable given the hand-to-mouth existence he leads as a werewolf and stigma surrounding werewolves. Without the support of his friends, his life is horrendously hard.) rather than on things he should be: keeping the Animagus secret from Dumbledore. It works out narratively because Sirius is innocent - but the fact that Remus kept the secret even after Sirius broke into Hogwarts twice, once to top of his student's bed with a knife - it's an extremely grave flaw. (Contextualised by the horrible life, need for Dumbledore's regard etc etc, but still a flaw).

• favorite line

"you should have realised - if Voldemort didn't kill you, we would. Goodbye Peter".

Remus' cold anger in this scene is so chilling - it's underrated moment.

• brOTP

James! ("Furry little problem" ...enough said).

• OTP

Also James, Tonks. Characters who are cheery, sunny personalities who draw Remus out a bit, and push him to show his mischief is what I enjoy in Remus ships.

• nOTP

I don't really have one? Maybe Snape, because I personally see Snape as wanting to stab him for his effort at politeness in POA lol, while Remus has issues with Snape as an authority figure which bleeds out in hidden (often passive aggressive) ways. But I am currently reading a Snupin, so maybe i might change my mind.

• random headcanon

Remus has a special mug that he carries around, a gift from his parents. (Cat and I make a reference to it in Toys in the Attic)

• unpopular opinion

The prank wasn't a big deal for Marauders. Remus' issues with Sirius is more to do with Sirius treating his secret in a cavalier way than the idea he nearly mauled Snape (although he intellectually knows it could have turned out badly - I don't think he really allowed himself to feel full implications of it. If he did, the issues between them would have been graver). Remus treats full moon jaunts as the best nights of his life, and however guilty he feels in retrospect about the idea he may have bitten someone, he enjoyed being a reckless teenager too much to stop it and thinks of those times with fondness. It's a key part of his characteristion people miss - that he is as reckless as Sirius and James in some respects.

Also, there has been recent thing I am noticing as a backlash to Wolfstar - this need to prove they weren't close at all by bringing up the prank, or that they thought each other as traitors. Nothing can be further from the truth - a friendship having angst, warts, dysfunction does not make it any less of a friendship. The immediate forgiveness we see in POA between them is not possible without a radical understanding. In fact, I think as adults, their friendship (or relationship, however you read it) improved. They are shown to be entirely in sync in POA and in OOTP (to the point of adopting similar body language when threatening Peter or throwing him to the floor wordlessly).

Also if you think him running out on Tonks in DH is out of character, you have not been paying attention to him.

• song i associate with them

Remus in POA vibes:

• favourite picture of them

This adorable art of him swearing + @thecat-isblogging-blog work of him seeing his Patronus

[cyborgsquirrel]

Sanctuary: Chapter 6

Pairing: Wolfstar

Summary: The epic tale of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, from their first meeting until their happily ever after.

Link to Prologue

Link to All Chapters

Thursday, 2nd September 1971, 11:42 am

'Self-inflating, unpoppable, animal balloons,' James said, producing a fluorescent orange box from his trunk and waving it in the air like a Quidditch seeker who'd just caught the snitch. 'We're going to fill the Great Hall with them tonight!'

'The whole room?' Peter asked. 'We'll need a lot of balloons.'

'Not as many as you might think, my good man.' James slapped his hand down on Peter's shoulder, making him wince. 'These balloons blow up to ten times life-size and I have 5000. That should be plenty.'

Sirius rubbed the back of his neck. When he got up to mischief at home, he didn't plan it. His pranks were spur-of-the-moment; potential consequences never entered his mind until after. But this was different. This allowed him the time to think, and he was thinking about what would happen if someone caught them.

It was making him a little nauseous.

His mother was a powerful witch, and her punishments could be brutal, but she may as well have been a first-year next to the teachers of Hogwarts. There was no telling what they might do. He knew they gave "detentions," but he didn't know what that would entail. James and Peter didn't seem concerned though, and he didn't want them to think him a coward.

'There'll be riots if people can't reach the food,' Sirius said.

That was good. It was neither for nor against the plan. Merely an observation. It could be taken either way.

'But if we do it tonight, we'll be knackered for Defence tomorrow.'

A reasonable objection, he thought.

'Excellent point,' James said, pointing at him. 'I'm looking forward to Defence, don't want to be too tired to enjoy it. Operation inflatable breakfast is hereby postponed until tomorrow night.' He jumped on the bed next to Sirius. 'But we should still prank someone now, too. Any ideas?'

Sirius' heart sank. There was no putting him off. He would have to go through with the prank or risk losing his friendship. There was only one choice, really. The alternative was unthinkable. But, if they did something mild and got caught, at least he would have some idea of what to expect from the school punishments.

'What else do you have?' Sirius asked.

James leapt off the bed and dashed back over to his trunk.

'A few firecrackers, five dungbombs and some nose-biting teacups.'

James pulled each item out as he spoke, placing them on his bed, and Sirius ambled over to examine them.

'Not much to work with.'

Sirius poked at the dungbombs.

'Suppose we could set these off right outside the Slytherin common room.'

'Do you know where the entrance is?' Peter asked, joining the others in staring at the items laid out on James' bed.

'No, but we can find out if we follow some Slytherins.'

James started digging around in his trunk again.

'They'll see us and won't go in,' Sirius said.

'I have something that will help, but you need to swear to keep it secret first.'

James stared at them with an uncharacteristically serious expression on his face. He glanced back and forth between Peter and Sirius. They both promised, and James pulled out a cloak made from a fluid-like, silvery material.

'What is it?' Peter asked, stretching out a hand to touch the shimmering fabric.

'Watch,' James said.

He swung the cloak around his shoulders, and his body vanished, leaving his head floating around in mid-air, plastered with a ridiculous grin.

Sirius gasped, 'No way!' at the same time as he heard a squeak from Peter standing behind him.

James' grin widened, putting his face in grave danger of breaking in half.

'It's been in my family for generations. Dad gave it to me for my last birthday.'

'Pranking will be a breeze with that,' Sirius said in a tone laced with awe.

'I know! Pete, grab the dungbombs. We should all be able to fit under here. Bring the firecrackers too. We can use them to set off the dungbombs.'

The boys crowded together under the cloak to test it and found they could all fit if they crammed together, but the confines of the cloak made walking difficult. After ten minutes of practise, they found a workable rhythm, and they stuffed the cloak in James' bag before racing down to the dungeons.

-o-o-o-o-

They lurked in the dungeons under the cloak for forty-five minutes before seeing a group of giggling Slytherin girls heading away from the Great Hall. Sirius, being the tallest of the three, was in the middle, and he was getting rather sweaty from being surrounded by the body heat of his friends.

They followed the girls at a distance until they paused in front of a blank stretch of wall, before disappearing through it.

'That must be it,' James said, before throwing the cloak off and running over. 'Hand me a dung bomb and a firecracker, Pete.'

Sirius stuffed the invisibility cloak into his bag, and Peter handed both James and Sirius a dungbomb and a firecracker. James showed them how to combine the items and set the firecrackers for delayed detonation. They worked fast, setting up the five dungbombs in concealed locations around the entrance to explode ten minutes later. They planned to be well away by then.

Finished, they turned and broke into a run towards the Great Hall; they were almost there when they turned a corner and ran straight into Mr Filch, the school caretaker.

'Well, well, well. What do we have here?'

Sirius' stomach dropped into his shoes.

'Three trouble-makers up to mischief, no doubt. Running from the scene of the crime, are we?'

'No, sir. We're, um, we're just, um, going to lunch!' Peter stammered.

James was offering his most innocent expression, wide-eyed with a grin the size of a Quidditch pitch and nodding along with Peter's stilted explanation for their hurry.

'A likely story. You three will come with me. I'll have you strung up by your ankles. That'll teach you to muck up my school with your filth.'

The word "filth" sent chills through Sirius' body. His mother used the term so often in her rants that his mind associated it with pain and fear. He went into a panic. The room was spinning around him, his heart was pounding and he couldn't breathe.

'Sirius, are you okay?' James said, moving in front of him and grabbing his arms.

Sirius focused on his friend's face and tried to calm down. He stared into his eyes, deep pools of swirling brown with specks of green. As he watched, the colours solidified and came into focus. His breathing evened out, and he was able to speak.

'Yeah. I think so. But what's he going to do to us?' Sirius breathed.

James let go of his arms.

'Nothing. We'll get detention if he can prove we did something, but he's not allowed to hurt us.'

James studied him for a moment, his eyes darting back and forth, searching for something. Sirius wasn't sure what.

'We'll talk about this later, okay?'

Sirius nodded and the three boys followed Filch down the corridors to his office.

Inside the spacious room, there was a desk with four chairs lined up in front of it and one much larger and more comfortable chair behind it. Along the walls were filing cabinets, several rows of them, stacked up to the ceiling. Someone had labelled them all, though Sirius couldn't make out the words. The room was lit by a single oil lamp hanging from the ceiling, which cast eerie shadows in the corners. Sirius shivered. A deep sense of unease filled him when he spotted the chains and manacles hanging from the wall behind the desk. He rubbed his wrists, recalling the soreness such things caused after spending three days chained up in the dungeon at home.

Filch told them to sit down and moved behind the desk, pulling out parchment from the desk drawer before seating himself. He muttered under his breath as he filled out three forms, recording their crimes. He was just finishing up the third when the sound of a distant explosion, followed by screams, reached their ears. The boys all glanced at each other.

'What did you do?' Filch asked, sneering. 'Stay here until I get back.'

The moment the caretaker left the room, James was on his feet and scanning the filing cabinets.

'Quickly, men! We only have a few minutes. See what you can find,' he said.

Sirius leapt from his seat. This was more like it, the type of spur-of-the-moment mischief he was used to. He ran his hand over the fronts of the cabinets as he read the labels. Most were labelled with letters of the alphabet. Records organised by surname, Sirius assumed. One drawer was labelled "The Prewetts." Sirius pulled it open and found stacks of detention slips for the same two boys. They ranged from September 1965 to the most recent, which were dated that morning. Filch had apparently caught the two trouble-makers charming the suits of armour in the dungeons to attack Slytherins. Sirius grinned. They sounded like his kind of people.

'Guys! Over here. Look!' James said.

Sirius hurried over to where James was pointing at a filing cabinet on the back wall. Squinting at the label in the dismal light, he read "Confiscated and Highly Dangerous."

'Nice one. Let's grab something quick. He'll be back soon.' Sirius said.

Peter walked over to the door and cracked it open to peek out while James pulled the drawer open and rooted through it.

'He's coming!' Peter hissed, closing the door and rushing back to his seat.

James snatched something small from the drawer, shoved it in his pocket and grabbed Sirius' arm, dragging him back to his seat.

The boys sat down with seconds to spare. Filch stormed into the office looking murderous and slammed the door closed behind him.

'Dungbombs in the corridor, stinking up the entire castle. You'll pay for this. Yes, you will. You just wait until Professor McGonagall hears about it.'

He continued muttering as he filled out a second set of detention slips with their details and sent them on their way. Sirius still felt a fluttery feeling in his stomach when he thought about what the detentions might involve, despite James' reassurance that it wouldn't be painful. He pushed the worry to the back of his mind. He would face it when it happened.

-o-o-o-o-

Remus was sitting in the shade of an ancient oak tree, his back against the trunk and his knees bent. His Defence textbook rested on his thighs, creating a hard surface on which to write. In his hand, he held a quill, and an inkpot rested in a convenient recess in the ground beside him. He had been staring at the blank parchment for several minutes, trying to decide how much of his Hogwarts experience to include in the letter to his mum.

Coming to a decision, he dipped his quill in the ink and began his letter. He wrote steadily for a few minutes, then read it through, scratched out a sentence here and a word there, added another paragraph, then removed it again. When he was satisfied with his account of events, he pulled out a fresh piece of parchment and copied the revised letter out neatly.

Mum,

I'm having a wonderful time here at Hogwarts. It's everything I always imagined it would be. When we arrived, the first years were taken to the castle by boat across a giant lake. The castle looked so beautiful in the starlight. We were sorted into our houses by a talking hat. Seriously, I'm not kidding. The hat has the ability to see into, and speak into, the mind of the person wearing it. It knew my secret but promised not to tell, and it said I was brave. It placed me in Gryffindor house, which I told you would be the best house for me to be in, I don't know if you remember?

I'm in a dormitory with three other boys. It's a good-size room though, lots of space, so it's easy to avoid bumping into each other. The bathroom has four shower cubicles, so there's plenty of privacy. You know I was worried about people seeing my scars. I had a meeting with Professor Dumbledore this morning; he told me the arrangements for Sunday, and it all sounds very well thought out and safe. I'll tell you more after, though. Professor Dumbledore has also given me access to the kitchens, so I don't have to eat in the Great Hall. Wasn't that kind of him?

My first lesson this morning was Transfiguration. It was a basic theory lesson, and I didn't learn much that I didn't already know. But Professor McGonagall said something interesting when she was warning us of the dangers of attempting magic above our ability. She said that our magical cores act as an immune system, and they have to shut down once a month to cleanse themselves. Apparently, this happens during the full moon. I thought you might find that as interesting as I did.

I have had no other lessons yet, and I was surprised at first by how many free periods are scheduled into the timetable, but when I thought about it, I realised it was necessary. Six hours of continuous magic casting would be exhausting, I expect our timetables will be fuller in later years when we're stronger. I have double Potions this afternoon. I'm not really looking forward to Potions. I hope the ingredients don't smell too bad; you know how sensitive my nose is.

It's lunchtime now, so I'm off to visit the kitchen for some food. I'll write to you again soon.

Love you lots,

Remus

Remus read the letter through again and was satisfied that his meaning was clear enough for his mum to understand, while still being subtle enough that if anyone else read it, they wouldn't be able to guess he was a werewolf. There was also just enough negativity in the letter that it wouldn't seem like he was pretending to be happy. He rolled the parchment into a scroll and sealed it before putting his things away and climbing to his feet, tucking the letter into his pocket as he did.

As Remus climbed the stairs to the Owlery, he found himself wishing that he knew how to fly. He was fairly certain he'd climbed more stairs since arriving at Hogwarts the day before than he had in the entire rest of his life combined. When he reached the summit, he collapsed to the floor and stayed there for several minutes, reminding his lungs how to breathe.

Once the feeling had returned to his legs and he was no longer gasping, he entered the circular room and searched the rafters for Rieka. She spotted him first though, and flew down to land on his shoulder, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck and greeting him with a low whistle.

'Hey, Rieka, how do you like the owlery?'

She hooted softly and nuzzled him again.

'Good, I'm glad you're happy here.' He pulled the letter from his pocket. 'I need you to take this to Mum, okay?'

Rieka hooted again and flew over to the perch in the centre of the room so Remus could tie the letter to her leg.

'Well, look at what we have here. A little baby Gryffindor. All alone,' a voice drawled from the entrance.

Remus whipped around. It was another first-year - greasy-hair, hooked nose - his name sounded like snake. What was it? Remus wracked his brains but couldn't remember.

'What do you want?' he asked.

The boy's tone had been aggressive, and it unnerved him. His heart raced in his chest, and his palms felt sweaty.

'Oh, nothing difficult, I assure you. I wouldn't want to tax your tiny Gryffindor mind. Just a little lesson in where you belong. Depulso!'

A blinding white light shot from the end of the boy's wand and hit Remus square in the chest, causing him to fly back into a heap of owl pellets, feathers and animal carcasses, piled up at the edge of the room.

'And don't you forget it.'

The boy turned, no doubt intending to sweep dramatically from the room in a flurry of robes, but Rieka had other ideas. She flew from the perch and out of a window, wheeled around and dived at the boy, claws outstretched to attack. He lifted his arms in defence of his face and stumbled back, away from the angry bird. Rieka's talons tore shreds in his arms, and the boy screamed in pain, stumbling further until he too landed in the pile of owl detritus.

'Get the hell away from me, you crazy bird!' the boy shouted, pulling himself to his feet and rushing out of the door.

Rieka hopped over to Remus and hooted.

'I'm okay. Thanks for sticking up for me, girl.'

Remus stroked her head before dragging himself to his feet and inspecting his robes. They were filthy, covered in feathers and slime from the rotting carcasses, Remus gagged at the stench.

'I better get cleaned up before potions.' He turned to Rieka. 'I'll see you when you get back.'

Rieka hooted again and flew out the door, and Remus followed.

-o-o-o-o-

'I think we should allow three hours to blow up the balloons. We probably won't need that long, but better to have too much time than not enough,' James said, pacing back and forth in front of Sirius' bed like an Auror captain planning a raid.

Sirius was sitting on the bed next to Peter, listening to James run through his plan for the following night's entertainment.

'So, leave the dorm around one in the morning then.' Sirius said. 'The prefects will be finished with their patrols by then, and we'll be back in the dorm well before any teachers should be getting up.'

'Yes. I'll set my alarm and wake you up.' James pointed at Sirius. 'You'll be with me. We'll open the balloons and let them loose in the hall. Pete will stay by the door under the cloak and keep a lookout.'

The door to the dorm opened, interrupting their planning session, and Remus walked in covered in feathers and something slimy that smelled like death. All three boys stared at him.

'What the hell happened to you?' Sirius asked.

Remus glanced at him.

'I don't want to talk about it,' he muttered before grabbing a clean set of robes from his trunk and hurrying into the bathroom.

Sirius stared at the closed door for a moment. Should he go talk to him or leave him alone? Remus had no positive feelings towards him and probably wouldn't want to open up to a person he disliked. But this might be the opportunity he was waiting for to show Remus he wasn't a complete asshole. Sirius was vaguely aware of James continuing his instructions for the prank but was too focused on Remus to listen. Why was he covered in feathers? Had he fallen over in the owlery or had someone attacked him? He was on the verge of getting up to try his luck when Remus exited the bathroom.

'Mate, tell us what happened?' Sirius said.

'I'm not your mate, Black. You made it clear what you thought of me yesterday by the lake.'

Remus stepped over to his trunk and retrieved his cauldron and potion's kit from inside.

'If you don't bother me, I won't bother you,' he said, his voice calm, before strolling out of the dorm and closing the door behind him. Not even bothering to slam it.

He wasn't angry, Remus just hated him. Fuck.

'Well, that went well,' James said.

Sirius threw his pillow at him, scoring a direct hit in the face.

'Shut up,' he said. 'How am I supposed to fix this when he won't even speak to me?'

'I don't understand why you're bothering at all, mate. He seems a bit stuck up to me.'

'The problem isn't that he's stuck up, it's that he thinks I'm stuck up.'

'So, show him you're not.'

Right, Sirius thought, but how?

-o-o-o-o-

After visiting the kitchens and grabbing a bite to eat, Remus had half an hour left of his lunch break and decided to spend it in the library, getting his Transfiguration homework done before the moon. It was due Monday morning, and he wouldn't be out of the hospital wing until lunchtime at the earliest, so he wanted to hand it in on Friday. Especially since it wouldn't take him long to complete.

His first sight of the library took his breath away. So many books; he was in heaven. The collection took up almost the entire fourth floor of the main building and was spread throughout one vast, irregularly shaped room with several smaller rooms leading off it. He wandered around for a few minutes, reading the signs above the shelves, before settling at a table with a red-headed Gryffindor and pulling out his homework.

'Oh, hi. I recognise you from class this morning. You're the one who knew all the answers.'

Remus' face warmed.

'You got one right too,' he said.

'Not as many as you though. I'm Lily. It's nice to meet you.'

Lily held out her hand for him to shake. Remus almost panicked, but he had prepared for that possibility.

'I'm Remus, but I have a phobia of touching people,' he said, nodding towards her outstretched hand. 'I'm sorry.'

Lily pulled her hand back.

'Oh, no. Don't apologise. You can't help what you're afraid of. I'm terrified of spiders, so I get it.'

'Thanks,' Remus said, giving her a smile before dipping his quill into his inkpot to begin the Transfiguration work.

They worked in companionable silence for fifteen minutes, and Remus was almost finished when he heard Lily greet someone.

'Oh. Hey, Sev.'

'Hello, Lily. I came to show you the way to Potions. I didn't want you to get lost.'

Remus looked up at the voice that had sneered at him so cruelly in the owlery and caught the eye of the greasy-haired boy - Snape. That was his name. He raised an eyebrow at Remus.

'Something I can do for you?'

'No.' He gathered up his things and turned to Lily. 'I'm finished here, I'll see you later.'

Remus hurried away from the table. He had been hoping that he and Lily could be friends, but she was already friends with the boy who had attacked him for no reason, so maybe she wasn't as nice as he thought.

-o-o-o-o-

Sirius, James and Peter were some of the first to arrive at the Potions classroom after lunch and were lucky enough to nab themselves seats at the back of the room. Sirius and James sat together, and Peter sat alone at the desk in front of them.

When the last few stragglers had slipped into their seats, the teacher stood up and waved his wand at the blackboard.

"The basics of potion-making" appeared on the board in excessively curly handwriting. Sirius groaned. Another tedious bloody lesson.

'Good afternoon, class. My name is Professor Slughorn. I hope you have all had yourselves a superb meal because this class will be fairly physical. Today, you'll be learning all the basics involved with potion-making. Who can tell me what those might be?'

Sirius took a peek at Remus on the other side of the room and was surprised to see he didn't have his hand in the air. Instead, he was holding his head in his hands with his elbows on the desk. He nudged James.

'Hey, what do you think is wrong with Remus? He looks ill.'

After glancing over, James shrugged.'Dunno, mate. Maybe he's sick.'

While they were talking, a Slytherin student had answered Slughorn's question - stirring, chopping and stuff, nothing important, - and earned herself five points. Remus was now taking notes while covering his nose with his sleeve. Sirius turned back to listen to the teacher.

'First, you'll be learning how to time the heating of your cauldrons, so please place your cauldrons on the fire pits in the centre of your desks and fetch some water to fill them.'

'You set the cauldrons up, mate. I'll go get the water,' Sirius said.

Sirius wandered over to the closest sink and joined the back of the short queue, finding himself behind Snape. He eyed the boy's greasy hair with distaste but kept his thoughts to himself, not wanting to start anything in the classroom. That resolve changed, though, when Snape reached the front of the line and rolled his sleeves up to keep them dry while he filled a jug for his cauldron. His pale white arms were marred by long vivid-red scratches. The marks were unmistakable. His mother's bastard of a bird had attacked Sirius often enough for him to recognise owl talon marks when he saw them. The injuries were severe and Sirius could only think of one reason Snape wouldn't have gone to the hospital wing for treatment. Because he had been doing something wrong when it happened. Sirius had been accused of many things in his brief life, but being slow wasn't one of them. It took him but a moment to put together the gashes on Snape's arms with the memory of Remus arriving back at the dorm covered in feathers and realise the truth. Snape had attacked his Remus. And that was unacceptable.

He returned to his desk with a full jug of water, seething. After explaining to James and Peter what he had seen and deduced, they all agreed that Snape's behaviour could not go unpunished, bullying would not be tolerated. They finished setting up their cauldrons before concocting a plan.

When everyone was ready, Professor Slughorn started to speak again.

'Now, almost every potion recipe calls for at least one timed period of heating, and it's very important to time it to the second. Even a second or two out, either way, can ruin a potion. Your desks are fitted with a timing charm. If you look, you will see a circle carved into the bottom corners of each desk.'

Slughorn paused to allow everyone to locate their timer. Sirius looked down at his desk and found the circle, and he could see James doing the same on his side of the desk.

'If you tap the circle once with your wand, it will light up to show a clock face. Tap it again while saying the length of time you need to set it for and tap a third time to start the timer. Test it now. Please set your timers for five seconds.'

Sirius took out his wand and tapped the circle. It lit up with white light, showing a clock face with black numbers and three black hands. He tapped again and said, 'Five seconds.' The thinnest and longest of the three hands moved to the one. He tapped a third time, and the hand ticked back to the twelve, one increment at a time, before flashing randomly in a multitude of colours.

'As you can see, the alarm is silent to avoid disturbing other students, so you will need to watch your timer. It is advisable to set your timer in advance so you need only tap it once when you begin heating.'

Professor Slughorn moved to stand behind his demonstration area, which he had already set up with his own cauldron.

'Now onto the actual heating. The fire pits in your desks are fitted with heating and cooling charms because you won't learn the spells for fire until third-year. Once you have learned them, of course, I will expect you to use them in this class. If you look down at your desks again, you will see five symbols carved in front of the fire pit. The first is "extinguish." This, rather obviously, extinguishes any fire in the pit. The second symbol is "low heat."'

He tapped his wand on his own desk, and a small fire sprang up under his cauldron.

'The third is "medium heat."'

He tapped his wand again, and the fire got a little bigger.

'The fourth is "high heat."'

He tapped his wand a third time, and the fire roared higher, licking at the sides of the cauldron with long orange flames.

'And the fifth is "cold-fire."'

He tapped his wand one more time, and the fire shrank and turned ice blue.

'Simply tap your wands on the symbols to activate the fire and tap your wand on the extinguish symbol to put the fire out. Cold-fire should be used for a period of five to ten seconds after each and every time you heat your potion. This will rapidly cool the potion so it does not overheat.'

He tapped his wand on his desk again, and the fire beneath his cauldron went out.

'It is not necessary to be overly precise with the timing of cold-fire, although too long is far preferable to not long enough. Now, I would like you all to practise using the heating charms and timer together until you're confident that you can do it quickly without fumbling.'

Sirius had a lot of fun playing with the heating charms, repeatedly bringing his water to a boil before rapidly cooling it with cold-fire. He eventually decided to practice with the timer and got the hang of it easily, it was simply a matter of moving his wand smoothly between the timer and the fire symbol. He found it was easier if he positioned his wand above the timer and then found the correct fire symbol with his eyes before tapping. James and Peter both seemed to master the skill just as easily. After a few minutes, Peter turned around to talk to Sirius and James.

'These automatic heating charms are cool, right?' James asked. 'I wonder if we can figure out how they did it. We could use them to set off pranks. If we could link a charm to a symbol on the other side of the castle, then we could set it off when we're nowhere near it. No one would ever know it was us.'

'The symbols are runes, I think. But I don't know how you would link it up to a charm,' Sirius said.

Professor Slughorn coughed to get the class's attention.

'We'll be moving on to ingredient preparation next, but please leave your cauldrons where they are as we will be using them again later. Now, take out your potions kits and remove the jar labelled nettle roots.'

The next hour of class dragged as they learned how to correctly slice, chop, grind and shred ingredients. The time to take revenge on Snape arrived at last when Slughorn handed out vials of unfinished swelling solution and asked them to pour it into their cauldrons so they could practise the skill of infusing a potion with pure magic.

Sirius felt a nudge against his thigh under the table and reached his hand to grip the thick tube James was handing him. He grinned at his friend before preparing the firecracker - the last of their supply - and waiting for Slughorn to turn his back. As soon as he did, Sirius launched the explosive through the air, over the heads of other students, and it landed with a splash in Snape's cauldron. He stared at it for a moment, stunned, before it erupted in a series of pops and bangs, splattering the boy with potion. The places where the potion hit immediately swelled, distorting his face and body into grotesque shapes. The red-headed Gryffindor next to him screamed and started trying to wipe it off, which only spread the potion, causing more swelling. Sirius, James and Peter were bent over laughing, Sirius had tears in his eyes.

Snivellus deserved it for hurting his Remus. Maybe he'd think twice next time.

Chapter 7

[ashes-and-ashes]

Okay, so I probably will rewrite this because I am sleep deprived haha. Apologies for typos and the like.

As you may know, I recently got really into Kpop, and I wrote this while listening to The Truth Untold by BTS and Steve Aoki. It’s about a boy who loves a girl, however, the boy is afraid to admit that he loves her because of his monsterous appearance. That instantly screamed Wolfstar Angst to me, so I wrote it!

tw: self harm and suicide attempts

~

The spell hit Sirius, right in the stomach, making him gasp.

He instantly recognized this, recognized the freezing and the numbing and the agonizing pain that was about to hit. His mother used to use it on him, before he left.

His head was spinning. He could hear Bellatrix’s laughs, though they sounded distant, as if she was shrieking through layers of water.

He flung one hand out, fingers brushing the smooth surface of the stone pillar, making his fingers go numb. The world had turned golden, lights spinning around above his head, lights that were the exact colour of Remus’ eyes. He was falling backwards, into nothing but open air, everything slowing down until he could see his life flash by in the spaces between his heartbeat.

He was 9 years old, sobbing on the ground, Walburga’s slap an ugly brand across his cheekbone. He could barely remember why she had hit him - he was too loud and she was too drunk, like some dangerous combination bubbling under the surface. It wasn’t the first time she had hit him, but it was the first time she had broken skin. One of her rings had caught the skin at his cheek, tearing it open; he remembers the vibrant red of his blood against his fingers. He curled up on his side, clutching his cheek, counting down the days until he was free.

He was 10 years old, arms aching where Walburga had gripped them. She had disguised it, of course, pretended it was a loving hug from a loving mother, but the bruises still stood out on Sirius’ arm. Don’t disgrace our family, she had hissed, voice poisonous as she shoved Sirius towards the train.

He didn’t know what he expected - the usual crowd of rich Slytherins and snobbish children, the type of people he was sued to associating with every day. He didn’t expect to run into Remus.

And they were only 10, too young for what they both had to bear, but all Sirius could think was he’s scarred like me.

He’s 13 now, heart pounding as he stared at Remus. They were in the library, him and James and Peter, Remus standing in front of them. His eyes were wide, filled with fear and Sirius wondered if he looked like this whenever his mother beat him.

A werewolf. That’s what Remus was, how Remus got his scars. He had seen them, of course, stretching across Remus’ chest and back, huge lashes of raised flesh across his ribs. Sirius stared at the mark on Remus’ shoulder, circular punctures arranged in a neat circle and he felt his throat close up.

“Please,” Remus whispered. “Don’t...don’t tell anyone.”

Sirius let out a shaky breath. “Of course,” he said. “Why would we?”

He’s 14 years old and he’s in love with Remus.

Of course, he’s not sure what love is. He knows it isn’t the coldness of his parents, separate bedrooms and days without speaking. He knows it isn’t what he felt for James, or for Peter, for Marlene and for Dorcas.

It was something different, something so strong he thought he might choke on it, something that kept him up at night and made him want to scream.

And he knows it’s wrong, knows that he’s disgusting, knows that life didn’t work out like that and Remus would never love him back but he can’t stop himself. He tries, pushes Remus away with cruel words and even crueler remarks but the only thing he succeeds in doing is breaking his own heart.

He’s 15 now, his arm slung over Remus’, the two of them standing on the roof of Gryffindor tower. The light hit them perfectly, bathing everything in various shades of gold and they looked like angels.

He’s long given up on any hope of loving Remus, has tried to move on as best as possible. He’s dated people, had tried everything to bury his feelings but he knows he can’t. It was like a fire underneath his skin; every movement hurt, reminded him of what he couldn’t have and every time he looked at Remus he felt the flames rise.

And he knows not to give in, knows that to do so will consume him, burn him alive but he can’t stop himself from staring at Remus’ lips.

“What does it feel like,” he whispered, staring at the water, “To love someone. And you know you can’t. But you still do.”

Remus let out a steady breath. It was one of the things he loved about Remus, the absolute unwavering way he stood, the rock-solid foundation that he had built his life upon. “I don’t know,” he said. “It’s like...like water I guess. You find yourself drowning in it and you can’t get out. It sucks you in deeper and deeper until you can’t breathe.”

Sirius stared at Remus in surprise. “Remus - “

Remus kissed him.

And how many people has he kissed? How many drunken nights and desperate clutching, how many people had he been with? And none of them, none of them held a candle to what he felt for Remus, a raging inferno inside his veins, burning and shredding until everything was gone.

He’s still 15, curled on the floor, slowly bleeding out, body screaming. Fire moves up and down his back; he had curled over after the first Crucio, leaving the broad expanse of his back vulnerable to everything else. He doesn’t even need to look to know the damage, the bleeding cuts and the lashes and the burns. He’s dealt with enough injuries to know when he’s about to collapse, knows how to swallow his screams and let blood replace tears but he doesn’t know if he can survive much longer in this house.

He’s 16 now, and God he wishes he was back on the floor, back to bleeding out. It would hurt less then seeing Remus, dead to the world on the hospital bed, bandages on his arms and his ribs, wounds from claw marks and antlers covering his body.

He fucked up. He knows this, knows this so damn well and God he wishes he could turn back time, could go back, could keep his mouth shut for once in his goddamn life.

He remembers lying in the floor, blood covering his body, Snape’s leering face over his. He remembers the panic that filled him, the memories of his mother and spells and blood and the words came tumbling out.

“You can’t. He’s not himself. He’ll kill you.”

The look of triumph on Snape’s face made him want to throw up, made him want to smash something.

“He’ll kill you first,” Snape told him, and then Sirius passed out.

He’s 19 now, fighting in a war that he was too young for, fighting for the boy at his side. He kills and kills and kills and at night the bodies parade in front of his eyes, lines and lines of the resting dead.

He always refused to remove the masks, refused to see which members of his family that he’s killed. Better to not know, to turn up to the funerals wondering if their blood was on his hands. Better to run then to face the truth.

And they’ve all changed. He used to dream of Remus, of their potential life together and now he dreams of fire and dust and dead bodies.

They rarely talk. Remus is gone, at one of the werewolf camps, people dropping dead around them. They all think he’s the Spy, though Sirius can’t accept it. He runs instead, runs away, spends the precious time they have together fucking instead of talking, keeps everything moving as fast as possible. Better to go out with a bang, he thinks, to have something beautiful and then vibrant and then gone then to deal with a long lasting candle wick.

He’s 21 and he’s in Azkaban.

More bodies join his dreams now: James’ twisted face and Lily’s red hair, Regulus’ emcated frame, Marlene’s cracked neck, Dorcas’ severed head and the bloodied bodies of Fabian and Gideon.

There’s nothing to do. He grips the bars, lets the metal sear scars into his palm, punches the walls until he feels his fingers crack. He slices his arms, over and over again, hoping to feel something, anything, hoping that something will rip and he’d bleed out on the floor.

His life flashes by, streaked with white lights. Sirius sees himself, starving and thin, remembers he freezing cold waters. He remembers seeing Harry, his chest clenching because God he looked like James and he was 17 all over again. He remembers talking with him, telling Harry stories of his father, the old fire slowly igniting.

And Remus. He used to count how many people he’d die for but Remus was the only person he’d kill for. He was a part of Sirius, something that had grown into him, something beautiful and wonderful and strange, someone who was as damaged as Sirius was and yet still made him feel whole.

He was still falling, feeling like he was flying, backwards into the air, but all Sirius could think was that he was grateful, grateful for a brief spark of light in his fucked up life.

He could hear screaming now, hear the last pounding echoes of his heart but all Sirius could do was lock eyes with Remus.

I love you, he mouthed, hoping that he could convey everything, every whispered conversation, every kiss, every night spent underneath the stars. A life, written out in scars and blood, in touches and hidden glances and impossible, beautiful joinings, the places where their lives intertwined.

So Sirius swallowed his tears, swallowed the burning in his throat and closed his eyes. He could finally rest.

Sirius fell through the veil.

[jencala]

How can you be a mother and like a drabble that clearly screams child abuse? Fenrir Greyback is an abuser. Of children. Nothing sexy about that to me, especially since having my son. Maybe you want to re-assess your kinks. Ew.

You know, i was going to just ignore this ask because it really is a waste of my time and energy to respond to obvious targeting and hate anons who don’t have the courage to speak to me directly off anon.  But honestly, there’s a lesson to be learned from this ignorance so I decided, what the hell, I’ll answer.

First of all, the post that you are referring to was wildly misconstrued and was very dark, creepy, and yes abusive, but why on earth would you say anything about “sexy” or “kinks”?  I’m sorry, but that obviously speaks more about you than me.  I liked that post and reblogged it because it was beautifully written and I enjoyed reading it.  If you think that was dark and child abuse, have you actually read the HP books?  There are scenes in it much darker, much creepier, and much more abusive than that one.  Fenrir is a character who is dark and abusive in canon and if someone thought reading anything about him was going to be light and fluffy, they were delusional. 

Secondly, do you understand what fiction is?   I can read something about what it entails to be asexual and not be asexual.  I can read something about a serial killer and not be a murderer. I don’t think any logical person would follow your line of reasoning that my being a mother means I can’t read something dark.  Every HP fan that’s read the books has read about wizards and you don’t see any of us out there waving a wand and performing real magic, right?

Now to the actual point of why I’m answering this ask when I was strongly advised just to ignore it.  Because I know exactly who this nonsense is coming from, I know no matter what I say it’s going to be twisted and used against me because that’s what you’ve been doing for months. But I’m not a coward and I don’t go on anon and send hateful messages to people and I stand by the things I say because that’s who I really am, not the vile, horrible creature you allude to here.

For years I’ve been in this fandom and I practice what I preach.  I don’t ship shame, though I am absolutely vocal about the pairings I personally don’t like.  I don’t kink shame, though I’m definitely not a fan of certain kinks or tropes.  I have always said to write and read whatever it is you personally enjoy.  I have my own personal head canons, but I would never force them on anyone or say that my head canons are the only right ones.  That’s why they are called head canons; it’s something each person believes and thinks and all of them are valid.  

I’ve ignored the other hate anons I’ve been sent the last few months because it’s not worth my energy to respond, but you attacked me being a mother and that’s where I draw the line.  How dare you question my parenting or anything about me being a mother?  My children are my absolute life and anyone who really knows me knows I am a fierce mother and protect and care for my children with every ounce of my being.  The fact you sent me this speaks volumes about YOU, not me.  The sheer hypocrisy of the things I’ve seen in the last few months floor me, but it’s more sad and pitiful than anything else.  Say whatever you want about me because I, and the people that know me, know that I’m a good person.  But the moment you come at my children and my parenting all bets are off.  Then I really will turn into the hateful bitch you think I am.  There is NEVER a need to go after someone as a parent like this and it’s disgusting that you’ve done this. 

The only thing I did was like and reblog a post that was well-written and I enjoyed.  It was dark and creepy, but there was nothing wrong with it, yet you feel the need to send me this vile nonsense?  I am tired of being targeted for doing nothing other than enjoying fandom and relogging and gushing about things I enjoy.  So here’s some facts for you:

Stop trying to police fandom.  As someone else much more eloquently said earlier today, cultivate your own fandom experience.  You are responsible for the content you consume.  If you don’t like it, just keep scrolling, it’s really that simple. 

You will not drive me from this fandom.  Fandom is my escape and bright spot in a sometimes very harsh real life.  Other than a tiny minority, every one I have encountered in this fandom is so wonderful, so open, and so happy to share what they love and hear about what others love too.  I will never give that up.  

You will not change who I am as a person.  I truly care about people and try to help everyone no matter what’s going on in my own life. I gush about people and things I love and I couldn’t care less if that bothers you about me.  

You will not make me ashamed of enjoying things, even if you consider them too dark and creepy for a mother to enjoy.  I’m a mother, first and foremost, but I am also an adult woman who can enjoy anything she damn well pleases and it doesn’t mean a damn thing about my parenting skills.

Now stop this nonsense and stop attacking me and anyone who associates with me simply because they are my friend.   I’ve let it go, but you seem intent on doing anything but.  Please, just stop. All I want to do is read and enjoy HP and Wolfstar content, but this corner of the fandom has become toxic because of a few and it’s so heartbreaking and sad.  This is not what a fandom should be.

We are one fandom.  We don’t have to agree on anything to be kind and respectful of each other.

We should all be allowed to enjoy the diversity and multiple facets and head canons without attacking anyone over it.  This fandom is large enough for us all to find the things we enjoy and not bash anyone for any of it.  

I’ve said what I needed to and I’m done.  Any further hate will be immediately blocked and deleted.  I don’t even want any asks agreeing with me.  I just want it over with and done because it’s so ridiculous.  I will not be turning off anon because I know several of my followers are too shy to DM me and come off anon for advice and other things so I won’t stop them from having that capability.  

You’ve crossed an unthinkable line here with this ask and you should be ashamed. Just stop.

[nomattertheoceans]

@awesome--username I’m so bad at Tumblr that your ask got published and then erased XD So anyway I’m answering here ^^ ️ ️

Nina Zenik

favorite thing about them

OMG everything I love her so much!! But I think my favorite thing is that she’s so confident. She loves herself so much, and she’s not afraid to be herself in front of people, and I love this!!

least favorite thing about them

I don’t like how much she adores her country, to the point that she doesn’t see their flaws. I just reread Crooked Kingdom and there’s this scene where Inej says she doesn’t want to see the Ravkan ambassadors because of how badly Ravka treats the Suli, and Nina is really hurt by this and I think there’s room for improvment for her in that area.

favorite line

“It doesn't matter if it's next month, or next year, or ten years from now, those will be the things I remember when I see you again."

brOTP

With Inej!!! OMG I LOVE her relationship with Inej, they’re so amazing together, they’re friends who found each other in their desperate moments and I love them. The scene in King of Scars when she buries Matthias and wishes Inej were with her broke me, I miss their friendship

OTP

Nina is a very interesting character for this questions, actually. Because she lost Matthias, and it broke my heart, but she’s seventeen, and she will find love again, and so far I really really love Hanne for her, so I don’t know. I mean, you know how much I love her relationship with Matthias, but I don’t want to OTP her with someone who’s dead because it’s way too sad for my queen Nina, so I’m going to stay on hold with this one.

nOTP

Inej. I understand where people who ship them come from, but I just don’t see it as a romantic relationship, for two reasons. The first is that I can’t imagine Inej with someone other than Kaz, so there’s that. But the most important reason is because I love their relationship as a friendship so I can’t see it as something else.

random headcanon

Nina’s parents are bakers in Ravka, and the reason she loves waffles so much is because it subconsciously reminds her of her time before the Second Army.

unpopular opinion

Honestly, I don’t know what people generally think about Nina so I’m not really sure it’s unpopular XD I’m really happy we got her POV in King of Scars!! I saw some people who were sort of mad because they wanted to spend more time with Nikolai and Zoya, but I really liked her story.

song i associate with them

I feel like Nina would be the biggest Queen fan, somehow? So yeah Killer Queen is my song for Nina haha

favorite picture of them

This art by @cryingmanlytears is amazing (well, all their art is amazing really!)

Remus Lupin

favorite thing about them

He’s an amazing teacher, and I love that about him!

least favorite thing about them

The fact that he thought about abandoning his wife and child... That was such an awful coward move and I was so mad! And so happy about Harry’s response!!

favorite line

“Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.” because Sassy Moony is amazing!!

brOTP

McGonagall, I can just see them sass about teacher stuff all day long when he’s teaching XD And also going on missions together for the Order

OTP

Do you even have to ask? Sirius, obvisouly!!

nOTP

I never read too much about Remus with people other than Tonks and Sirius so I don’t really have a nOTP for him.

random headcanon

While teaching at Hogwarts, Remus will spend a lot of time out in the corridors at night (on the lookout for Sirius) and even if he still believes Sirius is evil and killed three of his best friends, he still smiles when he passes in front of a certain corridor, or a certain painting, because he has memories of roaming the halls with his friends when he was a student.

unpopular opinion

Is this unpopular? I don’t know haha I really love his relationship with Tonks, even though I ship him with Sirius.Wolfstar is an amazing ship but I can’t see it happening again once they reunite after PoA. It’s their first love story (for Sirius, probably the only one), but the lack of trust in the last months before the end of the war, plus the twelve years of separation probably damaged it too much for it to happen again. Anyway I’m talking about Wolfstar again sorry XD All of this to say that even though it was unwanted for Rowling’s part, I feel like she gave us a great bisexual character with Remus so I’m happy he marries Tonks (plus... Teddy!!)

song i associate with them

Ok please don’t ask my why because there’s is absolutely zero logical thinking behind this association, but I associate Sting’s “Englishman in New York” with Remus. I DON’T KNOW WHY, OK?

favorite picture of them

I really love this version of young Remus by @myrkky !!

Send me a character and I’ll list all this

[somethingmagnificent]

Dear @chdarling

Last summer someone recommended that I read Erotic Breakfast Poetry, as a one-shot, and I burst out laughing when Remus entered the dorm room to a trio of meditating Marauders. After that, I had to read this from the start, and there was no looking back.

This story has such magic to it, in all senses of the word. At the same time, there is an undeniable reality and groundedness to TLE. It feels so familiar and yet completely new, which is a testament to your extraordinary talent as a writer to breathe life into characters we all love so dearly, but only know through Harry’s limited perspective; to build a world that is as challenging and complex, diverse and detailed, wonderful and worrying, as our own.

I was immediately struck by how this story doesn’t shy away from politics; which I found refreshing, since it’s an element rarely found in most Potter fic, but so obviously a part of that world. TLE gets its power from the intense political climate you’ve penned about blood/class, as a metaphor for race: it seeps into each character’s POV, informing their tone in a way that is so spot on, making for such rich dynamics, and driving the plot in a meaningful way.

TLE is intelligent and deeply thoughtful. It is captivating, expansive, and transportive. It is incredibly detailed and dynamic. It is filled to the brim with heart and soul, and with such vibrant dialogue that leaps off the page. At times, it is passionate and inspiring, generating the kind of energy that is only found in revolutions. At other times, it is atmospheric, giving way to quiet moments of tender sadness, or of delicate hope, that are unexpectedly poignant. Reading it is like a warm hug on a rainy day.

I happened to read this story at a time when I didn’t know how much I needed it. It was like a balm to my rage about systemic racism, about feeling helplessly unseen. Here’s a bit that perfectly sums it up, that “…It all felt so…so obvious, even though I’d never heard it before […] about the Muggle-born experience. I’ve never seen anyone put it to words before.” Likewise, I’ve never read anything that has so clearly crystallized how I feel about being a minority.

With TLE, I came for canon Marauders, Jily and Wolfstar, but stayed for how your words pierce through the heart, holding a mirror to our current reality and the racial politics in it.

Setting blood status up as a major through line and a point of tension—explored between, and grappled within characters—is pure genius. For James and Lily, it really unpacks the ‘she hated him!’ comment from the books. It gives depth to their relationship, and makes the stakes very real, so that every challenging moment becomes that much more painful, and every fluffy moment that much sweeter. For Sirius, it provides such an enriching explanation for the character-defining elements that we have come to associate with him: that the leather jacket, for instance—iconic and synonymous with his identity as ‘the rebel’—has an inception in solidarity with Lily and muggle-born rights, but also with Remus and werewolf rights, is mindboggling good. I am endlessly grateful that the personal is political, and so deeply present in TLE.

That’s not to say that I haven’t also enjoyed all the mutual pining, the humour, and the many details that are reverse engineered and so seamlessly woven into the story. Because I have found TLE an immensely satisfying story on many levels and I am SO. HERE. FOR. IT. All of the pranks—a recent fave that had me in stitches was ‘Prongs’ running through the halls during the 12 days, because, of course (of course!) he would. All of the love—those tender moments between Sirius and Remus, make me want to smack their little faces together (ditto for James and Lily), so that they wake up and realize that they’ve been in love with each other this whole time. All of the plotty goodness, that is so wonderfully thought through with such exquisite and heartfelt intricacy.

You are a gift. Thank you for writing. Thank you for sharing this story with us.

The Last Enemy series on AO3:

Book I: The Howling Nights

Book II: Dark Marks

[malfoys]

I saw your anti tog post, and I was just wondering why you hate on tog for lack of diversity, yet you fully support harry potter??

ok you want to talk about how harry potter’s diversity is a shit show? we can talk about that…

first I just want to make it clear that I’m not a fan of throne of glass for many reasons, it’s lack of representation just being one of them. also, I love harry potter so much, but its diversity is obviously lacking.

and I don’t understand why we as a fandom don’t talk about this more…

like people shit on throne of glass for it’s lack of representation…and it also happens to have countless of other issues with plot, character, etc. harry potter, on the other hand, has an amazing plot, amazing characters, an amazing world, and similarly to throne of glass, shit representation of minorities. but for some reason people are willing to look past this problem because, unlike throne of glass, it’s a brilliantly written story. 

oh my god… the diversity in harry potter is soooo bad. soo fucking bad.

here are the characters I can think of off the top of my head who are explicitly stated to be POC:

dean thomas

cho chang

kingsley shackleboat

lee jordan

patil twins

blaise zabini

angelina johnson

alicia spinnet

literally cant think of anyone else lmao

now when you take into consideration the multitude of characters in the hp universe, this is a really small number. especially when you remember that if you remove any of these characters (except maybe cho) the course of the story would have little to no change. these are all fucking side characters, who in the grand scheme of things, did not make a major impact to harry’s journey

and before you guys go “what about hermioneeee???”

no. ambiguous race does not count as diversity. j.k. rowling was not being revolutionary when she decided not to specify hermione’s race. it is a total cop out on her part.  

because you know what happens? one person will read hermione as white, another will read her as black, and neither person will be wrong. both of their hermione’s are totally accurate bc her race is never specified. 

and then you have these dumbass arguments where people are trashing each other for making hermione black or white in an edit…and I am so tired of it

and I fucking hate how j.k. rowling is applauded for her POC representation…like she is getting all this credit when the fandom is doing all of the work making characters diverse!!! like black hermione was not her idea!! it was the fans that realized she was shit at representation and it was the fans that decided it needed to be fixed!!! she did nothing!! 

it’s almost as if she agreed to black hermione out of convenience because she had never specified her race in the books. I 100% guarantee that she did not write hermione with her race being black in her mind. even though she never specified hermione’s race, it’s obvious she did not intend for her to be a POC.

the fan’s changed that, and j.k. rowling kinda just rolled with it, and now people are calling her a champion of diversity???? like I don’t fucking get it. 

obviously it’s a blessing for the hp fandom that j.k. rowling did leave hermione’s race ambiguous, otherwise I don’t know if black hermione would have been as widely recognized as it is now. 

and it’s not just hermione… it’s sirius and james and harry and lavender and pansy and tonks and neville and viktor and countless of other characters who we have seen as POC in edits and fanfiction. j.k. rowling did nothing for this. we, the fans, did. 

just wait! it gets worse! 

the representation of LGBT characters is near non-existent. yes, dumbledore is gay, but it was never stated in the books. unless you read very very carefully in between the lines, nowhere will you see “dumbledore likes to fuck dudes”

it’s not there. it’s not anywhere!! a 2007 interview j.k rowling does not make the harry potter series an LGBT series. some people who are casual fans don’t even know that interview exists!!! it was like his sexuality was an afterthought for j.k. rowling. it hardly counts as representation because nowhere in the book his is sexuality explored, talked about, nothing… (though I’m confident fantastic beasts will explore his sexuality more)

also this is another example of how ambiguity is fucking stupid. if you don’t specifically state a race/sexuality, they are going to be widely assumed by the audience to be white and straight because society is messed up that way. 

now not counting the poor representation of dumbledore’s sexuality, there are no other LGBT characters. (I could be wrong, idk if j.k. rowling has done another surprise, so and so is gay! 10 years after the series finished) there are none. 

and it has been up to the fans (again!!!!) to include LGBT rep in the harry potter series. drarry, wolfstar, pansmione, etc, etc, etc. 

and this, like race, also causes petty ass fights. dramione vs drarry is the most prominent one and it gives me a such a fucking headache oh my god. like please shut up. draco, harry, hermione, luna, ginny….. they can all be seen as gay or straight or bi or whatever. like all of the sexualities associated with these characters are valid and no one is wrong!!!

no one is fucking wrong because j.k. rowling never gave us proper representation in the actual book series. 

and like…. this type of shit isn’t even restricted to harry potter. you see this in YA lit all of the time. usually if the book/series is written well and done well, it’s like society gives them a free pass like “oh, your diversity sucks, but the plot was amazing, so it’s okay!”

the raven cycle, another case of ambiguous race, though the LGBT representation between ronan and adam is one of the best I’ve ever read

the foxhole court, though andrew x neil is brilliantly done, the racial diversity sucks ass

throne of glass, do I even need to explain this

a court of thorns and roses, again limited diversity

divergent

the hunger games

most john green books…..

like I could go on and on

most of these books do have POC or LGBT representation, but it is minimal, usually side characters who don’t have a huge impact on the story, and who are typically tokens. but the good news is I’ve noticed that authors (even a lot of the authors of the books above) are including more and more rep in their novels which is really great!!

moving back to throne of glass… I do agree that it is a bit unfair that it gets so much hate for it’s lack of representation when so many other YA books get little hate for doing the same thing. (but tog isn’t a very good series anyways, in my opinion...it is fine that you like it though) I don’t think tog shouldn’t get hate for it because it is wrong, but there needs to be more attention brought to books that get a pass for representation just because they’re super popular

so yes, harry potter’s minority representation is horrible, but I don’t think you should use harry potter’s poor representation to compare to throne of glass’s poor representation. both are bad, and I think fans should recognize this instead of trying to ignore it or make it seem not as bad as it seems.

I, a mega harry potter fan, admit that its POC and LGBT rep is really awful. 

it’s ok to enjoy something and recognize that some aspects of it are not right, and it is our job to bring attention to these issues so that writers in the future can work to fix this problem.