#you know how it is when the brain informs you of something
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writersrkive · 2 days ago
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Don't shut up | Spencer Reid
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summary: Spencer is used to people who constantly tell him to shut up, but somehow, he feels even more embarrassed and sad when he thinks you want him to stop talking after looking at the tired and confused expression you have when he's trying to help you. The thing is you hate when people do that to Spence and would spend years just listening to his voice.
gender: fluff
pairing: Early seasons!Spencer Reid x bau!reader
warnings: mentions of the team shutting Spencer down. Derek and JJ being a little mean to him when he's spreading information. Spencer being a cutie potato. Mention of a stomachache and its causes (mention of miscarriage as one of the causes, but nothing happens). Reader not being a native english speaker, but just a slight mention.
a/n: Dr. Spencer Reid is a genius.... I am not. I literally had to search for information and copy-paste here in some parts, so if there's misinformation, it's Google's fault, lmao. I wrote this yesterday when I was about to sleep, so I'm sorry if something is wrong with the writing (even though I already edited). English isn't my first language, please be kind <3.
Masterlist Spanish ver. On Wattpad (coming soon)
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Spencer and you arrived early that morning. He hated being late for anything. He couldn't afford to be late if he wanted to stick as closely as possible to his assigned schedule, especially because he took public transport. On the other hand, you had no choice but to arrive early when you woke up at four in the morning thanks to a severe stomachache and couldn't go back to sleep.
That's how your conversation started. Your genius workmate was surprised to see you, first hour in the morning, when he walked in the office, even before Hotch arrived.
“Are you feeling better?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows. You couldn't deny that the expression was too cute for your own good.
“Yeah… I think so. It's not even the stomach ache that bothers me, it's the fact that even if I was sleepy, I couldn't fall asleep again. You know? That happens to me a lot. Once I open my eyes, I can't go back to sleep. I've also been feeling mildly unwell for a week, but even though the medication is controlling it, it doesn't stop."
At this point, he already set up his desk, leaving his briefcase on his own chair to walk over to you and sit at your desk, next to the chair you were sitting in, to listen to you attentively and answer.
“The brain works with different phases of sleep: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM sleep. The cycle usually restarts every eighty to one hundred minutes, and we typically have four to six cycles each night.”
Hotch came out of the elevator and walked upstairs after both of you waved at him, and he let out a soft “good morning”. Emily arrived a few seconds later. You greeted her too, as she took place on her desk, but that didn't stop your conversation.
“So, it's completely normal that we wake up in the middle of the night because of that process, but if it is frequent, for three months or more, it may be a symptom of insomnia.”
Your view went to the floor, and your head nodded in a semi-unconscious movement, because although you knew that your sleep cycle was ruined by work, you had not come to that conclusion, maybe that was it.
“Now, the stomachache…” He said, taking one pen from your pencil case to concentrate. He usually never took other people's belongings or shared his own stuff because of the germs, but somehow, after a few years of working together, he had come to have a good amount of closeness with you to borrow some stuff from you. Months ago, it hadn't gone unnoticed by Penelope that Spencer had a box full of pens reserved for you, in case you needed one, nor the fact that he denied JJ one of them once, when the blonde girl needed something to write with quickly.
“The causes can be the most common, such as gas, indigestion, a muscle injury, or stress. Although there are also more serious causes: gastrointestinal infections, inflammatory bowel disease, irritable bowel syndrome, ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage..."
“Wow, what are you trying to do? Scare her?” Derek's voice invaded the place and Emily smirked.
“What? No, I'm just saying the possibilities…” Spencer whispered, looking down, a little worried that he might actually scared the person he cared more, besides his mom.
“It's okay.” You answer loud enough so your friends and coworkers would hear. “Thanks, Spence. I already went to the doctor, so I have none of… those.” I gave him a little smile. “But about stress…” The sentence hung in the air, so Spencer looked up and continued speaking automatically.
“Stress can cause stomach pain because the autonomic nervous system of the gastrointestinal tract reacts to the same hormones and neurotransmitters as the brain. This is because the digestive system is connected to the nervous system, and the enteric nervous system, which is located in the digestive system, is able to send and receive impulses and assimilate emotions.” He started to talk faster.
Your focus on the genius boy and his explanation was sincere, but maybe it was the fact that you didn't rest well, plus the fact that he was speaking too fast and not vocalizing all the syllables, that for a moment your brain didn't process what he was saying.
It was weird. At some point you didn't even hear words, just sounds from his mouth. That didn't happen to you for a really long time because you already had experience with the native speakers, even if english wasn't your mother language. The exhausting feeling of not being able to sleep well was definitely to blame.
While your brain was coming to that conclusion, Spencer could only see your furrowed brow, tense jaw, tilted head, and dissociated look.
“You want me to shut up, right?” That whisper was enough for you to come back to reality. His cheeks were red and his eyes looked a little sad, not to mention the way his mouth formed a line like whenever he felt awkward.
“Yes, please!” Derek answered instead, leaning back in his seat and looking up with his arms outstretched as if he'd had to deal with seven unsubs in the five minutes he'd been there, listening from his place to the information Spencer was giving you.
“Little genius boy got excited… again.” JJ said, looking at some documents in front of her, opening her eyes wide in an expression of tiredness and disinterest.
The young profiler stood up from your desk thinking about returning to his chair, a little embarrassed, but you took his pinky with yours —that way you wouldn't make him feel uncomfortable in case he wasn't in the mood for physical touch, something he refused unless it was you. Again, another special treat—. “Wait. It wasn't like that.” Hazel eyes looked at you intently, still with a bit of doubt. “I'm sorry Spencer. Yes, you got excited, but that's not something bad.”
“It isn't?” He questioned.
“No, but you started to speak fast, and the fact that there are some words that I have a hard time processing in English and I couldn't quite catch what you were saying because I didn't sleep enough, well, that distracted me. Would you mind repeating it again, slower?” This time, you were the one with warm cheeks.
“Oh. Are you sure you don't want me to shut up?” The boy was actually intrigued and a little surprised.
“Why would I want that?” The fact that your teammates often shut Spencer up when he tried to share extra information, or information that he had been asked about, was something you had noticed from the moment you started working with the team. You thought that was rude. You understood that sometimes Spencer got excited, gave information that was perhaps better saved for another time since you were investigating a case, or people could be tired and want silence, but the team either silenced him or made fun of him most of the time. Plus, there weren't many other things you liked more than hearing his voice.
The sweet, soothing tone of his words helped you sleep on the jet after a long case, or made you want to hear more about whatever he was talking about. Feeling like he was sharing with you, a mere mortal, some of the vast knowledge he had was nice.
“I'm always happy to hear whatever you need to say, even if it's about something I don't understand. And, right now, you are helping me a lot, so, please, don't shut up.” The crimson color returned to the tall boy's face, this time not because he was uncomfortable. Your kind and somewhat complicit smile made his heart race, like almost every time he was with you. Spencer knew that no matter how tired he got, he would never shut up if you wanted him to keep talking.
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lunaiz4-misc · 9 hours ago
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I'm glad this exists, it's important to understand that self-regulation tools can look different than we expect.
However, I have had a very different experience that I haven't seen represented much. My brain loves the stimulation it gets from a screen. The lights, the sounds, the movement, all of it. It's an almost hypnotic effect. So hypnotic, in fact, that I often feel trapped by the screen, unable to speak, move away, or otherwise interrupt the incoming stream of information. The less spoons I have, the harder it is to pull away and focus on literally anything else.
It's a big problem in restaurants, where TV's are often placed in clear view of every table. I can't enjoy being out with my family/friends because of the screen tugging at my attention. It's a problem when someone else is watching or playing something without headphones, at home or in public. It's even a problem when I'm by myself, because I have trouble turning off content I don't want to watch anymore. Everything from autoplay videos (harmless, other than wasting my time) to legitimately distressing content.
I feel like that experience doesn't get talked about. We have "doomscrolling" to describe getting stuck on social media, and I know I'm not the only one that gets stuck in tiktok style video feeds (I can't have tiktok itself - I wouldn't be able to put it down.) My brother would routinely get so wrapped up in a game he would forget to eat, or use the restroom, and I know that happens to other people, too. But when I share my experience, even with other ND people, I'm generally told they've never experienced anything like that.
How you can help:
If you think someone might be stuck (which can happen with any activity, not just media!) try asking "is this what you want to be doing right now?" or "when is the last time you checked in with your body? Does it need anything before you continue?"
TLDR: every brain is different. Media is soothing for some people, some of the time. It's a good idea to check in and make sure everyone is having/still having a good experience.
Let’s Talk About Screentime for Autistic Folk
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NeuroWild
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demonic0angel · 11 hours ago
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Christmas + Gotham City Spirits
Bruce sipped at his coffee, reading through the recent reports of a case a few days ago. The coffee blend was faintly peppermint-flavored because due to the holiday season, Stephanie had replaced everything in the coffee making station with Christmas themed items.
It tasted good, so no one complained too much.
The chatter in the cave was calming, a distant lull with the sound of his loved ones’ voices. None of them had gone on patrol yet, although they were all dressed in their vigilante suits. Dick and Jason were arguing over the movie they wanted to watch on their semi-weekly Movie Nights, and Cass and Steph were egging them on. Tim and Damian were gone, having left using the Batmobile to pick up something.
They would be back any minute now—
Tim and Damian drove into the Batcave in that moment, and although their parking was gentle, they both flew out of the car like it was on fire. Damian was holding an ice cream cup, despite it being the only a day from Christmas, while Tim was holding a milkshake.
Bruce looked back down at the reports, unconcerned after seeing no blood, limping, or drugs.
“The Batmobile is haunted!” screamed Tim, and Bruce paused in reading his papers. He looked up again and watched as the others approached, confused murmurs and questions filling the air.
“Huh?? What happened?!”
Tim and Damian were trying to explain the events that led up to this moment. Damian was standing next to Tim, who was ranting up and down about what happened.
“Okay, so I was taking Damian for ice cream,” cue some coos from Dick and Steph, with Bruce mentally joining in, “when we were arguing in the car. I hadn’t realized that I had taken my eyes off of the steering wheel until Damian pointed it out. The car was driving on its own! And the autopilot wasn’t turned on!”
Bruce resisted the urge to smack his forehead.
Of course this was how they were discovered. He could almost sense the awkward guilt coming off of the Batmobile from the distance where it was parked in the cave.
“So… you think it’s ghosts?” Steph asked, raising an eyebrow.
Tim and Damian shared a look and then nodded.
“Ghosts?” Jason snorted. “Are you kidding? I bet you’re seeing things.”
“It was real, Todd! Just because you’re brain damaged doesn’t mean the rest of us are—“
Dick interrupted him, “Well, I mean Deadman and Gentleman Ghost exist. Who’s to say that the Batmobile isn’t haunted?”
Jason opened his mouth to argue some more, but Tim spoke up then. “Bruce? You don’t seem surprised.”
Bruce paused on taking a sip of his coffee. All of his children turned to stare at him.
It was Cass who said, “He knows something.”
More than just knew.
Bruce had met and befriended the ghost that haunted the Batmobile. And the Batcomputer. And the gargoyles in Gotham. And the parks. And Arkham Asylum. And Crime Alley. And Blüdhaven. And Gotham City itself.
The point was… Bruce had more than just knowledge on the ghosts haunting the things around him.
————
It had first begun when Batman had started appearing within the city. He had just started working as a vigilante for a few months when one day, he had noticed odd circumstances happening around him.
It happened sporadically, almost randomly enough that he hadn’t gotten suspicious for awhile, but when a pattern was beginning to form, he began to notice.
Whenever he could’ve sworn his hook wouldn’t attach properly to the building, it seemed as though something moved and made it fit perfectly, allowing him to swing to his destination. Whenever he thought that he had lost a criminal, a new alleyway that he wouldn’t be able to recognize would pop up and allow him to block the runaway’s path. Whenever he felt like his computer wouldn’t be able to calculate something or find new information, it would miraculously give him data that he knew for sure that a mere computer could not find.
The most prominent evidence was with the Batmobile. At times, it would speed up on its own, even when he was extremely controlled in how he used the brakes and gas. At others, it would have minuscule but noticeable changes such as adjustments to seating and temperature inside of the car. At one point, Bruce distinctly remembered the car turning and sliding unnaturally past danger, which helped him avoid crashing into a narrow street’s wall when he was dodging gunfire. It had been strange because he was sure that he was going to scrape the car against the wall, but it never happened.
Bruce had personally worked on it with Alfred’s help, so any signs of tampering were impossible. There was no explanation for it, no matter how much Bruce dismantled the car and remade it over and over again.
Even Alfred had that strange look in his eyes now, as if wondering if Bruce had delusions from one too many concussions.
Bruce scoured his library for information, looked up anything on the internet, and even asked informants and help from the few contacts that he knew.
They had a few answers, but none of them made a lot of sense.
In the end, Bruce decided to just confront the problem head-on.
On a lonely summer night, Bruce entered his car and sat in the driving seat, breathing out slowly. Usually, the car did not act out everyday, but today, Bruce had been driving in order to dodge the police that wanted to capture him, and he had seen how the car moved without his turning of the wheel to drive past sharp corners. This had earned him a few precious minutes necessary to throw the police off his trail and allow him to get away.
All this told him was that the car was of help to him, but nothing else.
He started the car, allowing the familiar rumble of his car warm him up. He allowed the Batmobile to run as he thought of what to say.
When he formalized his speech, Bruce cleared his throat and stared at the inside of his car, sleek and polished all over.
“I-I’ve been noticing a few things lately. Strange things happening. I think that you’ve been helping me. I’m… thankful. Thank you for helping me away from the cops today. I appreciate it.”
His voice reverberated inside of the empty car.
“However, I want to meet you. If you’re there. Are you… sentient?” He asked.
The car did not speak.
Well, of course, it couldn’t speak.
He flushed with humiliation as he mentally berated himself. Was he so paranoid, so tired that he was now believing that a car could respond back to him? No wonder Alfred was thinking he was insane.
But in the next moment, he ate his thoughts as the car gave an answering rumble without him revving the car or doing anything.
Bruce stared. Then he said, “Make something move if that was real.”
Another moment of silence. Then there was a click and the windshield wipers began to turn on, swiping across the glass.
Bruce’s breath caught.
“You’re sentient!” He cried, unable to believe it. The air around him began to chill and he watched as the temperature of the air conditioner dropped rapidly until it was low, making his breath come out in vapor. He shivered and looked around frantically.
“Yes,” a soft voice said, “I am.”
Bruce turned to the side, where the voice appeared. A small girl, who looked barely even five, stared at him with wide eyes through a domino mask and a suit that wasn't unlike his. She was tiny, with a black ponytail behind her head and a cape attached to her neck.
He stared and watched as the fabric on her body sparkled with a metallic sheen and her hair flowed in a nonexistent breeze within the enclosed car.
"Are you... a ghost or something?"
The girl smiled. "Kinda." She kicked her feet and giggled. "I'm the spirit that haunts this car. But if you had a plane or a boat, I could haunt those too." She paused and then eagerly asked, "Could you get one? I think it'd be really cool!"
Bruce couldn’t help but smile. “I… I’ll try. What are you, exactly? Can you tell me more about yourself? What are you here for?”
Perhaps he could’ve asked more questions. Maybe he should’ve asked whether or not she was good. She was an unknown variable in his long-term plans, but he couldn’t muster up the animosity needed to interrogate her, not while she looked at him and like him in similar clothes and a smaller form.
“I’m a ghost, and my haunt is your vehicle,” she replied blithely. “I was brought here because my family is also here. They’re also ghosts, and there’s a lot of them around. I think all of my siblings are awake, and so are our friends. A few are still asleep, I think… but I promise we mean no harm. We’re supposed to protect life, as beings who have already crossed to the other side and made a deal with Lady Gotham and Lady Blüdhaven.”
Bruce stared at the ghost in his passenger seat.
“Pardon?”
She explained in more detail. Several centuries ago, Gotham City and Blüdhaven were the haunts of two powerful sister spirits who protected the city and powered it via the emotions of their citizens and their own strength. However, something had befallen them, and they had asked for help from the Ghost King. He had agreed to take over for them, and in one final sacrifice, both city spirits had died and then tied their cities to the Ghost King and his family, who he had asked to assist him.
They all separated and formed their own haunts via some time shenanigans that she would not elaborate on. And thus, several ghosts haunted both cities. There was supposedly one city spirit in Blüdhaven, since it was a much smaller city, and over six in Gotham.
She, ‘Dani’ as she called herself, was one of them.
“We’re usually asleep and we don’t really have awareness or sentience like a normal person most of the time. So it’s difficult for us to age too.” She yawned at this moment. “I’m a weaker spirit, so I have a really small haunt. My big brothers all have a city to themselves, but the rest of us get smaller stuff.”
Bruce asked, “Are you tired?”
She rubbed at the mask that covered her eyes irritably before nodding with another yawn. “I’ll try to come back,” she said, “but I’m usually not “out” like this, so it’s tiring. But the more you take care of me and Gotham, the stronger I’ll get, like my siblings.”
A hand seemed to clench at Bruce’s heart.
More people to depend on him. Another cause to be stronger, faster, and smarter. Further reasons for him to be better, so he could help his city.
“Oh.”
She smiled at him, and it brought a little warmth back into the chill surrounding him. “But I’ll help you. No matter what, we spirits are on your side, Batman.”
Bruce returned the smile. “Thank you.”
It was almost unbelievable, but the amount of details in her explanation proved her right and the way she explained things made sense. No wonder he had so much success as Batman. No wonder it felt like he could run forever on Gotham’s streets and catch criminals all night. No wonder it felt like the city called for him like a beacon, even without the Bat-Signal.
She nodded and in the next blink, she was gone. The temperature increased back to normal. The car was silent and so was Bruce, as he sat in the plush, leather seats and thought to himself. In the end, there was nothing else to do but harden his resolve to do better and help Gotham City.
He met her a few more times, and they officially formed a team, where she would help accelerate the speed of whatever vehicle he was using to get to fight crime and help victims quicker. In return, he would care of the vehicles and allowed her to do what she needed to do without interference.
As time passed, Bruce met the rest of the city spirits.
There was one in Crime Alley, sweet and tall for the age that she looked and laden with bloody pearls that made him avoid looking at her, who was kind and clever. She told him that she had awakened when his parents died, but her gentle condolences did not infuriate him like others did. ‘Jazz’ was her name, and she told him that she would watch over the children in her domain.
He traveled through Gotham City knowing that she would take care of Crime Alley whenever he couldn’t muster up the strength to enter.
There was one in the parks of Gotham, thin and oddly goth, who was stubborn and cool and extremely opinionated. She was even younger than the spirit in Crime Alley, and had a lot of opinions on garden care and vegetarianism. ‘Sam’, she wanted to be called, and she told him not to call her Samantha or she’d make him trip over roots.
He spent money on maintaining the parks in Gotham, and Alfred noted how his own personal gardens in Wayne Manor never seemed to die or wilt.
There was a growing spirit in the computers of the Batcave, gangly and quick-witted and mischievous, who was the same age as the park spirit and grew slowly with advancing technology and only appeared when Bruce was in a rush or desperate. He was named ‘Tucker’, and he liked helping, but only when it was interesting or when he was really needed.
Bruce carefully developed new software and installed better tech every opportunity he could, and the Batcomputer never failed him.
There was another in Arkham Asylum, stern and strong-looking, who was confident and hot-tempered and the same age as the Batcave spirit. She was brave and strong-willed, hating the more murderous patients of the asylum, but had all of the forgiveness and patience needed for the more misguided ones. Her name was ‘Valerie’, and she promised to hold back as many escapees as she could.
He captured runaway patients for her and visited her personally to thank her every time he heard of a failed escape attempt.
There was also a spirit that haunted the gargoyles of Gotham, wily and observant, who traveled from each stone statue for information. He liked investigating things, but hated injustice and lies, and he promised to help Bruce whenever he could find the strength to manifest. ‘Call me Wes’, he had said, before launching into a rant about how annoying the Gotham City spirit was.
They would occasionally exchange information every now and then, with Wes offering blackmail and details for every case he needed.
Bruce had only met the spirit of Blüdhaven once. He was aggressive and murderous, but when Batman had visited the second time for a case, he recognized all of the signs of a spirit’s protection, even though he also attempted to throw him off a few buildings. The Blüdhaven City spirit was hateful but not unreasonable, and although Bruce was encouraged by the other siblings, he decided to just leave the city alone because this ‘Dan’ did not like leaving his domain.
Bruce largely did not bother him. In the future, he would make more frequent trips and bring news of the spirits in Gotham. At least falling beams didn’t drop on him anymore.
He had already met Dani, who haunted the vehicles inside of the Batcave. She loved driving and flying and racing through any part of Gotham. When needed, she could transport herself into any and all vehicles owned by Bruce and his associates, and then power it to be even faster through the strength given to her by Gotham City and the determination of the driver. She was small in size but big in personality, and her carefree, fun-loving personality gave him much relief whenever he needed her as he traveled to wherever needed him most.
He took care of all of his vehicles and crafts, and she pushed him to help quicker.
And lastly, the most impressive and unimpressive spirit of all was the spirit of Gotham. He was a small thing, slender and unassuming, dressed in ragged clothes in his human form with the sharp, haunted eyes of a child from Crime Alley. His name was ‘Danny’, and although he seemed unnoticeable at first, he was noble and kind. When he wasn’t dressed in the starry veil of his spirit form, he was out and about on the streets, helping others as a homeless kid. He helped the forgotten, the downtrodden, the poor, and sick as best as he could.
Unlike his siblings and friends, who were weak and could not be out as a human for long, Danny was not the same. Looking like a small pre-teen, he helped his citizens as much as he could by offering shelter, an extra hand, some random change, and a careful warning.
He supported Bruce in any way that he could, and Bruce wanted nothing more than to make him proud by helping the city.
Time passed.
The spirits, having now awakened with Batman’s debut, began to grow up.
Bruce did not allow himself to be left behind. He grew and learned and trained and did better for his city. The spirits did not appear often, but whenever they were truly needed, they never let him down.
Only a few years into being Batman, he adopted Dick Grayson.
When Dick became Robin, he had been worried about the reaction of the spirits, but they had not appeared angry and even seemed approving, with the way they protected Dick more than Bruce.
He could’ve felt jealous, but really, it was just cute. With how old Dick was and how some of the spirits looked, they could’ve been the same age.
Barbara Gordon soon joined their crew as Batgirl, and the trio helped Gotham by running through its streets for a few more years.
When Bruce had fired Dick in hopes of him retiring and living a peaceful life without harm, Dick had changed his identity of Robin to Nightwing and moved to Blüdhaven.
Bruce nearly had a heart attack from the thought of it, but Danny had laughed and reassured him that Dan had readily accepted him and chosen him as a champion.
“A champion?” Bruce had asked. “What’s that?”
“A champion is a specific hero that a spirit can support and defend. You’re my champion,” Danny smiled, tapping the little batarang-shaped brooch near his heart. “That means I support you. Dan will support Nightwing. He’s possessive, so rest assured that Nightwing will be very, very protected by him.”
And so Bruce breathed a sigh of relief, let him go, and tried not to worry.
Not that long after, Bruce met Jason Todd, who was also quickly adopted.
Jazz had seemed particularly happy, always at the edge of Bruce’s vision whenever she could as he and Jason soared over Gotham roofs.
“Is he her champion?” Bruce had asked Danny. “Since he’s born and raised in Crime Alley?”
Danny chuckled, but he seemed tired. “You’ll see.”
Bruce did not see, because Jason had presumably thrown someone off of a building and then ran off to find his mother, getting killed in the process. By the time Batman had arrived in a plane with its engines nearly combusting from going so fast, it had been too late.
Jason, his son, was dead.
He would no longer smile and make quippy remarks. He would no longer help Alfred in the kitchen. He would no longer fall asleep on the manor’s library, an open book on his lap. He would no longer fly over Gotham and be his partner.
Red, yellow, and green would no longer be by Batman’s side.
Because Robin was dead.
The grief nearly consumed him. He blamed himself. He blamed the Joker. He blamed Jason. He blamed Dick.
He blamed the spirits.
Anything and everything was a target of his sorrow and rage.
He couldn’t help it.
He had already lost family once and became a vigilante to fight crime.
He didn’t know what to do now that he had lost family again, when the cause of death was vigilantism.
Gotham City wasted away as the spirits and Batman mourned for the little Robin who would never fly again, buried in Gotham soil.
Bruce mourned and hated everything in equal measure.
"It's your fault!" He screamed, as Danny stared at him blankly. He was dressed in his extravagant and otherworldly spirit form, his face and eyes covered by a long veil train covered in stars. His clean, neat form only seemed even more infuriating as Bruce felt like he was dissolving from his own madness. "If-If Jason hadn't been— if he had— if only—!"
Danny responded to none of his words until he insulted Jazz, the Crime Alley spirit, for Jason's death. It had been an irrational statement from grief, but they cared not one whit. All hell broke loose as Bruce was kicked off of the roof. He narrowly got away by using his grappling hook, but after that, things began to go badly.
Computer malfunctions, never ending pop music in the Batcave, engine failure, vehicles that refused to open or work properly, tree branches that deliberately slapped him or roots that tripped him on every step, sirens of the Arkham Asylum wailing every day and night, gorgoyles that would move and bat away his grappling hooks— the spirits began to turn against him in petty revenge and pranks.
It had not resulted in deaths of innocents, as even they knew limits, but they never failed to make his life even more miserable or inconvenient than ever.
It wasn't until Batman, in his exhaustion, nearly fell off of a roof and became a splatter on the ground in Crime Alley, and was picked up by the neck like a scruffed kitten by a disgruntled Crime Alley spirit, did it all stop.
"I see you haven't been having a good time," Jazz said. She looked like a teenager now, with her hair in ironed curls and a blindfold around her eyes as she frowned at him.
"... yes," Batman said, because he almost never apologized in his life and in his depression, felt like it was unfair that she got to act out while he could not.
"Batman," she said, her voice stern. "We mourn with you. After all, Jason is one of our own too. He came from my domain and I allowed you to meet him. Danny accepted him as a protector of Gotham and he flew alongside you for years. It was Dani that tried to get you to him faster. It is Danny's soil that he is buried in. His brother lives in Dan's domain as his champion. We all mourn for him, Batman. That does not give you the right to unnecessarily take your anger out on us or any of Gotham's citizens."
"I am meant to protect Gotham," he spat. "I was chosen as his champion!"
"And yet you're breaking limbs for petty crimes. You're terrorizing the streets like a madman. You're making the citizens scared. You are a symbol of redemption and change in this city, Batman. You are not a sign of fear or hatred. Get your act together. Batman is still needed."
Then she dropped him on the roof and left.
Bruce went back into mourning, licking his emotional wounds, but none of the spirits pranked him anymore.
They seemed... pitying.
Bruce apologized to Jazz and blamed it on grief. She forgave him easily, and his world was nothing but gray again.
He tried, but it was hard. Dick did not care enough to come help, lost in Dan's city and his own mourning for his little brother while Barbara had been forced onto the sidelines from her paralysis, which left Bruce on his own, adrift and untethered, unable to blame anyone and unable to unleash his anger. Alfred was there, but like always, he was only a stony pillar in his life. The spirits refused to handle his rage, so all that was left was just an ache for a lost son and a mindless need to run himself to the ground to perhaps quicken his journey to join his family again.
It was the spirits who helped him once more.
Danny subtly nudged Timothy Drake in his direction, and he soon became another Robin with Stephanie Brown and Cassandra Cain joining his team.
Bruce got better, but he was not perfect. He was still angry and hurt and ever-so-slightly lost. But he continued on.
After all, if he quit now, then what was all of this suffering for?
The spirits continued to assist him, along with his family. They were powerful, not omniscient, but no matter what, everything they did was for the betterment of Gotham City.
Time passed with Tim as his Robin, when Jason came back.
With a hunger for revenge and to test Bruce's love for him.
Bruce was so, so, so tired.
He loved his sons. His daughter(s). He loved his family and his duty and he loved Gotham City, but sometimes, it felt as though it was pulling him apart.
Danny and the other spirits (especially Jazz and Valerie) had always lectured him on taking breaks and knowing when to rest, of knowing his limits and being willing to quit when necessary, but Bruce always found it difficult.
As he watched Jason almost self-destruct in his rage and hatred, Bruce wondered if they would blame him if he quit here and now.
But he didn’t.
Things changed. Jason had changed from that sweet, intelligent, charming boy into a young man with a short fuse and an even quicker urge to kill. He beat up Tim, killed dozens of people, and took over the underworld, all to spite Bruce.
In a way, he was proud and so disappointed.
It was Jazz who approached him on the nights that Danny usually spent with him.
Bruce looked up at her, lovely and beautiful and so hauntingly tall that she looked like a monster, just like the domain she haunted, both dangerous and amazing all in one.
She bent down and shifted into her civilian form, one with black and white formal wear, her hair straightened into its natural state as she smiled with bright, turquoise eyes. This way, she looked soft and gentle, a little different from her cold and strict persona as a city spirit of the most violent part of Gotham.
“I can help you with Jason,” she said, when he turned to look at her. When his eyes widened, she continued, “I was going to do it anyways, but I want you to know what you need to do as well.”
“… what do I need to do?”
Jazz smiled. “Just try to welcome him back? It will all work out.”
“Both Jazz and I will help you,” Danny then spoke, from Bruce’s other side. When he turned, he saw Danny, dressed in a ratty hoodie and scuffed up sneakers. Danny smiled teasingly. “I can’t let my champion go without his family, right? Jason has been chosen as Jazz’s champion. You don’t have to agree with his methods, but that is a problem of Jazz and Jason.”
“And I don’t care,” Jazz said tonelessly. “I don’t like it, but it has proven effective. Do not try to stop him too much, Batman. He needs to learn for himself.”
Bruce scowled, hating the fact that both spirits condoned murders, even if they were the deaths of criminals and drug dealers, but Gotham City and Crime Alley had spoken and he had learned his lesson before in rejecting their advice and going against them.
They were not his enemies.
They did not have to agree with him, and he was not beholden to their beliefs either.
They trusted him, and they were his closest and longest allies.
He sighed. “I understand.”
Jazz smiled, patted his arm, and then disappeared back to her domain. Danny stayed behind and they chatted for a long while before he too, had to leave before coming back for the next meeting.
It was frustrating at times, how the spirits could not always be there, but Bruce knew that they could not help it. They still had not gained enough strength to appear constantly, and they tried their hardest to help him even in their passive states.
Bruce sighed and moved on to try and coax Jason into a healthier, less murderous lifestyle with a lot less lecturing and judging, which seemed to shock Dick and Jason. (He pretended not to be offended by this.)
When Bruce saw Jazz next time in her spirit form, he felt a little emotional and sentimental when she appeared with a symbol of Jason's Red Hood on her chest, tying her fur coat together as a brooch, not unlike the brooch on Danny’s chest that looked like Batman’s signal.
Jason got the help he needed from Jazz (Bruce wasn’t entirely sure how this was done since neither of them nor Danny said a word about it to him and Bruce knew that Jason had never met any of the spirits), and soon, he began to integrate himself back into the family. Tim was a little resistant at first, but things were looking up.
But this was life, where the chaos never ended.
Soon, Damian joined the team and tried to kill Tim. Bruce barely held himself back from shipping him straight back to the League, but Danny and Dani knocked some sense into him, and even Jazz came to scold him heavily. Bruce was lectured day and night by disappointed city spirits and eventually, he taught himself to be patient and kind to his youngest son, who had been torn away from a life he knew into one that was very, very different.
Damian was insufferable at times, but Bruce found that he truly did love his son. He grew up kind and honorable, and in the end, it felt worth it.
Bruce wished that life would become sunshine and rainbows, but this was Gotham City, covered in smog and clouds and haunted by a teenage ghost who was friends with a tech geek spirit and a goth spirit. Things happened one after another and although the spirits prevented some things from happening, it was inevitable that they could not help him when he was not on Gotham or Blüdhaven soil.
Bruce got knocked into the timestream. Danny traveled with him and throughout the different timelines, several other city spirits appeared, even Dan, and they helped him survive and get back to his family.
And finally, when Bruce was reunited with his family, with his sons and daughter and mentally adopted daughter and butler, he could finally breathe a sigh of relief.
————
Things had been relatively peaceful now, with no major fights or violent disagreements between any of his children or family. Even the city had been calm for awhile, most like in preparation for the holidays.
Bruce snapped out of his memories when his children all turned to him, staring intensely for answers. He blinked as they all stared at him with wide eyes.
"B?" Dick asked, raising an eyebrow, "what do you think?"
Bruce was quiet.
He hadn't meant to keep the secret for so long, but he just could never find an opportunity to bring it up.
Eventually, as his children all stared at him with growing concern, doubt, and confusion, he said, “No, it’s true. Both Gotham City and Blüdhaven are haunted.”
There were gasps and then cries of confusion and demands for answers. Tim looked at him for clarification, as Damian gloated over the fact that he and Tim already knew. Bruce’s lips twitched in a smile before Jason suddenly asked, “Wait a minute! If it really is haunted, then how do you know and not us? Did you meet them before?”
Bruce tilted his head as his children turned to look at him again. Then he said, “I knew them in my first year of being Batman.”
“That was before I adopted,” Dick muttered to himself, but everyone only looked even more interested.
“So you met them? The ghosts or whatever? Can we see them right now? Are they in the car?” Stephanie rambled.
Bruce thought about it. The spirits did not mind being outed (in fact, they had protested to being kept a secret and Bruce was constantly nagged about his poor habit of doing so), so they wouldn’t be angry if he brought the entire family to meet them now.
It was high time his children met the spirits of the city.
Bruce nodded. “I can take you to meet them. I have to give them their Christmas presents anyways.”
They all cheered again and burst with more questions. Bruce ignored them, even Dick who was climbing him like a tree and whining to know more, as he collected the presents that he had gotten for the spirits. He went to the Batcomputer, still ignoring Dick and Cass who were now hanging off of him, and typed a short message into a document.
‘Meet up at Amusement Mile in 10 minutes.’
He left it open, as Tim then asked, “You can communicate with the ghost through the Batcomputer? Are they actually ghosts?”
“You’ll see,” Bruce said, as Dick and Cass were now attempting to choke him for answers. He collected a few more presents and a laptop. He tossed his kids off of him and dodged another attempt by Steph to catch him before he whistled.
He threw a pair of keys to Jason, who looked at it, confused.
“Take that bike, will you?” Bruce asked, pointing to the shiny new black adventure bike. “You can follow after the car.”
Jason whistled as he finally recognized the new bike. “Damn! When the hell did you get this beauty?”
Stephanie raised a hand enthusiastically. “Can I come with?!”
“Hop on, blondie. Can we go now?”
Bruce resisted the urge to sigh.
For a moment, he was unsure of himself.
For so long, the existence of the spirits were solely his. No one around him knew that they were there.
And now, both sides, his family and the spirits, would be officially meeting for the first time.
He shook off the thoughts and got into the Batmobile, where the rest of his team followed. He made sure that all of them were wearing the appropriate gear and uniform, since it was already winter and only growing colder. Damian complained but Dick was able to wrap a scarf around his neck.
Bruce didn’t fully close the door again when Alfred walked into the cave and asked, “When will all of you expect to be back, Master Bruce?”
He paused. Then he said, “Do you want to come with, Alfred?”
“Oh dear. Whatever for?”
“To meet the ghosts!” Damian spoke up for Bruce. “Come with us, Pennyworth. It’ll surely be interesting.”
Alfred sighed, though there was a touch of fondness before he also entered the Batmobile. Cass easily surrendered the passenger seat to him, slipping into the back.
Jason, from the new bike, laughed and crowed, “Hell yeah! Now it’s a full party!”
Bruce couldn’t resist a smile as he patted the steering wheel. The Batmobile began to purr and soon enough, they all sped out of the cave and through the streets of Gotham. The sun was starting to set, casting the world in orange hues. His children were all in the backseat, chattering and making theories as Jason and Stephanie joined in on their own comms. Both he and Alfred sat together in companionable silence as Bruce idly drove.
Then, as they reached a good spot, he let go of the wheel and said, “Dani, your turn.”
The car swerved out of control and just as Tim and Dick yelped loudly, the car steadied itself, straightening, and then immediately went into overdrive, zipping through the streets. The view outside of the windows passed into a colorful blur too fast to see as the engine rumbled like thunder.
“Holy Batman!” Dick screamed with a laugh as they swerved and turned crazily, narrowly dodging a sharp corner.
Everyone in the car tilted dramatically before Dani righted the car again and they all dropped back into their seats.
“Good heavens!” Alfred cried, hanging onto his chair tightly with wide eyes as the car continued accelerating into impossible speeds.
Bruce just smiled, sitting still while his kids were all squealing from the rapid maneuvers of Dani. They all looked like they were having fun though, and Bruce just held tightly onto the presents as Dani approached Amusement Mile.
After nearly jumping over the gates, she immediately slowed down to a smooth halt in front of an empty food court in the abandoned theme park.
“Oh my god, I think I’m dizzy,” Tim complained.
“You’re so weak,” Damian snipped back, although he looked a little dazed himself. Meanwhile, Cass and Dick were beaming wide smiles, looking as though they wanted to do that again.
“The autopilot wasn’t on, so was that one of the ghosts who controlled the car?” Dick asked cheerfully.
Bruce nodded, avoiding Alfred’s sharp glares. “You’ll meet them all today.” He left the car, helping out Cass and Tim. Jason and Stephanie arrived moments later.
“B! What the hell?! Why were you going so fast?!”
“It was the ghost!” Tim said. “He was controlling the car.”
“‘She’,” Bruce corrected. “It’s a she that’s controlling the car.”
When everyone turned to look at him critically for more answers, he turned his face away and opened up the laptop that he took from the Batcave. He opened it and placed it on a table placed in the outside food court. It turned on with a blink and Bruce put in the password.
“… did you just type 696969?” Stephanie asked, sounding extremely amused.
Bruce sighed as his kids all snickered like preteen boys.
The place around them was empty and dusty. His children, after observing him for a moment as he typed away on the laptop, silently found seats around him at the tables of the food court, all seated close to each other. Alfred remained standing, looking around in a slightly confused fashion but unwilling to say a word. Bruce looked down at his feet, where grass and weeds were growing in the cracks of the neglected cement.
Then he focused on the laptop again and pressed a few buttons on the laptop before taking a step back.
His kids all perked up. Even Alfred straightened the tiniest bit.
There was a crackle.
And then—
“Batman!” A voice called.
Everyone turned to look at the car, where Dani was sitting on top. She was dressed in her civilian clothes, a pair of jeans and a regular sweater. She waved happily, lovely and warm like sunshine. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail and when she hopped off of the roof of the Batmobile, it bounced around her face in wild waves.
She approached and everyone but Bruce stared in confusion and fascination.
“I thought I’d finally come out since you didn’t say anything,” Dani explained to Bruce. She turned to his kids and waved. A few waved back.
A new voice appeared. “Ugh, what took you so long to bring me here?”
Tucker stretched. He was also in his civilian form and he wiggled his fingers playfully when the others whipped their heads around to gape at him. He sat down at a table and said, “You took forever to bring me out. When is everyone else coming?”
“Already here,” Sam said, bored and in full goth, stepping out of a patch of grass to sit next to Tucker. “Wassup, Bruce.”
Bruce acknowledged her with a nod.
“We’re here,” Wes said, coming out of the walls with Valerie by his side. Both were also dressed casually. “Sorry, are we late?”
“We still have the other three,” Sam said. “B is introducing us to his kids.”
“Finally!” Valerie snapped, sitting down with a huff. “We’ve been telling you to tell them for so long!”
Bruce said, “I know, but none of them figured it out until now.”
“Hey,” Dick complained, “How are we supposed to know? They’re ghosts!”
Bruce gave him a level look. “Through observation and careful inspection. You should’ve—“
“Lay off of them, Bruce,” Sam interrupted with a small smile. “We kept ourselves hidden from them because it seemed like you didn’t want them to know.”
At this, everyone glared at Bruce, while he just sighed. Dani spoke up and said, “It was because I was careless today that they noticed. Don’t blame it on them.”
Another figure stepped out of the shadows and Jason startled, standing up. “Wolf?” He blurted, and Bruce looked over to see Jazz walking to them, a black helmet over her head and wearing a bodysuit. She paused when she saw Jason, gave a small wave, and then sat down next to Dani, who cheered when she saw her.
“Jazz!” She said, tackling her in a hug. “I haven’t seen you in forever!”
Jazz laughed. “What are you talking about? We saw each other the other day, remember?”
The five spirits burst into excited chatter, since it was rare that they ever met up like this, all together at once. Usually, it was only a few one-on-one meetups and Bruce knew this, so he stayed silent as did his family, giving the spirits the space needed to chat while also allowing his family to observe. Jason looked moody, but didn’t say a word.
Out of nowhere, Dan dropped in from the air, dressed in a stained bartender’s uniform. He scowled at Bruce.
“Couldn’t you have chosen somewhere closer to Blüdhaven? I had to travel over the entirety of Gotham City just to get here!”
Bruce bowed his head in apology. “I’m sorry. Next time, I’ll make sure it’s closer.”
Dan scoffed. “You better,” he snapped, before he made a complete 180 and beamed at his sisters. “Jazz! Dani! You’re looking lovely today!”
Bruce’s family stared between him and the Blüdhaven city spirit.
“Are there… more?” Stephanie asked, after sneaking over to him while the tables of spirits chatted.
Bruce nodded and raised a finger for one.
Tim also slid over and said, “They don’t look like ghosts.”
Damian, having crept alongside Tim, muttered, “They don’t look important or powerful either. Father, what is going on?”
Alfred sighed. “Young masters, please sit down and stop standing around and whispering.”
They sat down. Tim and Steph shared a seat, both hanging on via a buttcheek as Damian had pushed Tim off of his. Bruce didn’t say a word, though he was inwardly exasperated and already regretting this entire meeting.
Dick was staring at Dan critically, while Jason was staring at Jazz with a frown. They obviously knew each other, but Bruce still didn’t know how. Cass was just looking between all of the spirits, looking slightly confused.
Finally, the last guest arrived. Footsteps sounded from nearby and Danny jogged over to them with an easy smile.
“Sorry, am I late?”
“Yes!” All of the spirits shouted, glaring at him.
Danny just grinned and then looked over at Bruce. “Hello. Finally showing us off?”
Bruce nodded. Then he stood up and said, “Everyone. Meet the city spirits of Gotham City and Blüdhaven.” He began to gesture to them as he gave introductions. “This is Dani, the spirit of the Batvehicles. She controls all of the Batvehicles in the cave. This is Tucker, the Batcomputer spirit. This is Sam, spirit of all plant life in Gotham City. This is Wes, spirit of Gotham City gargoyles. This is Valerie, the Arkham Asylum spirit.”
This earned several shocked looks and gasps. Valerie gave a polite nod with a hint of pride. Bruce moved on.
“And this is Jazz, the Crime Alley spirit.” Jason’s expression twitched. “This is Dan, the city spirit of Blüdhaven, and this is Danny, the city spirit of Gotham City.”
Danny smiled at them.
When he finished, there was a burst of noise and confusion. Bruce endured it all for a moment before he raised a hand, quieting everyone, and then said, “Let me explain.”
Bruce talked about how he noticed them in his first year of being Batman (he got a very strong glare from Alfred for keeping this from him), then how he met Dani and befriended all of the other spirits. He talked about how they helped him, how they accepted the Robins as protectors of the city alongside Batman, how they taught him and assisted him in vigilantism, and how they were fundamental in protecting him and the city.
He went on to explain what and who they were in more detail, and when he described Jazz and Danny, everyone stared in a mixture of disbelief and awe. When it was done, everyone just stared at him with bafflement on their faces.
Bruce shifted uncomfortably. Alfred’s gaze was especially cutting.
“Wait… so… you’re saying that these all-powerful spirits look like… this?” Stephanie asked, clearly trying not to be rude as she gestured to them all.
Tucker snorted. “This isn’t our real form. It’s just our civilian one, so we can interact with you guys.”
Tim asked, “Could we see it? Your real forms?” He turned to look at Bruce questioningly, who just looked at Danny.
Danny shrugged with a smile and waved a hand in front of his face. In an instant, a veil slid over his head and back, inky black with twinkling stars lighting up the inside. He wore a formal vest and cape tie, with his coat shoulder robing him. His brooch shone brightly over his heart.
The air began to chill even further than the winter night.
Jazz took off her helmet and her red hair fell down in curly waves, her bodysuit exchanging for a dark fur coat and a long, blue dress with black gloves. Pearls circled her throat and wrists, dripping with blood. Her brooch flashed and Jason straightened his back at the sight of it.
Dan sighed and his bartender uniform melted away into a dark blue policeman uniform, formal and distinct. His skin turned translucently green and his hair bled white. His hat covered his eyes as he leaned back in his chair slowly. His brooch, cut in the shape of Nightwing’s symbol, was bright against his dark clothes.
Tucker waved his hands and his casual ware was exchanged for a high-tech suit that wasn’t dissimilar to Batman’s own appearance. However, there was no cape and the color was more gold and brown than black and gray. The white eyes were exchanged for a visor that flashed.
Sam brushed a hand against her skirt and her outfit turned into green and purple, something like what Poison Ivy would wear stretching and growing over her skin. Leafy clothes and flowery details covered her body until she could’ve blended into a garden perfectly. Flowers began to pop into existence beneath them all.
Wes shook his head and everything about him turned into granite. His clothes became formal, like a suit from the 1800s, and horns and wings began to grow from his head and back stiffly. He sat in his chair, unmoving and still.
Valerie flicked her hair behind her head and her yellow clothes began to bleed into white with red stains. She wore a uniform that looked like the combined versions of both a nurse and a doctor, with a cloth covering her mouth and red goggles over her eyes. Her curly hair seemed to have grown even messier.
Dani was the last to show off her form, and she spread her arms and her clothes transformed into that unique style she had developed not too long ago, something that looked like a cross between Batman and Robin. It was all black and gray, with yellow, green, and red accents. She had a bright yellow belt and a long cape that glimmered with holographic shapes.
“Ta da!” She cheered. “What do you all think?”
The air had become bone-freezing cold, frost appearing on Bruce’s eyelashes and his breath turning into white clouds. It was cold before, but now it was blood curdling. There was a pause where the spirits all looked at each other before they switched back in an instant, and the temperature flew up, warming them immediately.
Everyone sighed from the relief, and Bruce handed Alfred his cape, who sighed before taking it begrudgingly. Then in that moment, his kids stood up and approached the spirits as they immediately went to chat with one another, completely ignoring Bruce.
Dick ambushed Dan, who didn’t seem unhappy with him as he was immediately pulled into an animated conversation with him. Bruce recalled how Jazz and Dani talked about how much Dan liked his eldest son, so it was no surprise.
Dani was chatting with Stephanie and Cass, waving her arms exaggeratedly as she talked. Steph looked at her like she was the cutest thing on the planet, while Cass stared at her like she was an interesting, but endearing bug underneath a magnifying glass.
Damian and Tim were chatting with Valerie, Sam, and Wes in a serious conversation. They seemed to be debating something, with Damian and Valerie mostly doing the talking with Tim and Sam interjecting every once in awhile. Wes looked as though he was trying to instigate an argument, however, as everyone glared at him whenever he talked.
Jason had already pulled Jazz into a corner of the building, and they leaned against the wall and talked quietly, shoulders pressed together.
It looked… intimate.
Bruce almost wanted to march over there and pull them apart, but he barely held back when Danny and Tucker approached their table. Tucker immediately pulled Alfred into a conversation about the maintenance of the Batcomputer, mostly with the both of them complaining about how the kids were so messy around the keyboard.
Danny sat next to Bruce and said, “So why did you call us here?”
Bruce blinked, pulling his gaze away from his son and the spirit of Crime Alley. “What?”
“Why’d you call us here? You usually don’t summon us all at once.”
Bruce said, “Dani accidentally revealed herself to Tim and Dami. I thought it was high time that I introduced all of you.” Danny looked back at his siblings, all who were deep into their conversations.
Bruce followed his gaze, watching his kids have fun and make friends with the spirits.
He felt satisfied, looking at them. He wanted nothing more than for his children to be happy, safe, and protected. The spirits had helped him many times when he was still starting out as Batman, giving his advice and narrowly saving his life multiple times.
Now, hopefully, they would help his children too.
Bruce continued, “And it’s Christmas.”
Danny didn’t turn to look at him, only humming, “That’s true. It is the holiday season.”
“I got you and the rest of the spirits presents,” Bruce said, and Danny perked up.
“What?! Are you for real?!” Danny cried excitedly. “Can I see? Please? Now?”
Bruce laughed. He presented the gift to him, and when the other spirits took notice, they also approached, pulling away from their conversations. Jason and Jazz were the last to come over.
“Ooh, what is it?”
“Open it!”
“Do we also get one?”
Bruce passed out their gifts as his kids also crowded around and heckled them into opening it.
One by one, they all opened their gifts.
Dani received a bucket full of (human) treats and snacks, with a bottle of motor oil at the bottom. She cheered when she saw it and immediately opened a bag of gummies to share with everyone else.
Sam received several packs of the seeds of poisonous flowers and plants. She happily took it as the people around her took a wary step back away from her.
Tucker received a Bluetooth speaker. He declared that he would use it to annoy Bruce and Tim into sleeping whenever they stayed up too late, and everyone but Bruce and Tim cheered.
Wes received a high quality camera. Tim offered to help him use it efficiently, and he accepted, with both of them leaving the table to chat about it.
Valerie received a tube full of anesthesia. Like Sam, everyone took a step away from her as she hugged the capsule to herself.
Jazz received the bike that Bruce had asked Jason to bring. She jumped up and down and thanked him profusely and for some reason, Jason glared at him for it.
Dan received a photo album. He took a peek and then closed it tight, smiling to himself as he refused any questions asked. Bruce knew it was a photo album of the few times he was able to take pictures of the spirits, as well as an entire horde of Dick’s photos.
Danny received the deed to a new building built in Gotham City, an observatory tower for the stars. When he saw it, his face split into a beaming smile like a miniature sun and when the other spirits saw it, they also congratulated him, especially Dani who wanted to see it as well.
“It’s still being built,” Bruce explained, but Danny didn’t seem to care.
“Thank you so much!” He said happily, admiring the deed to the building in his hands.
Bruce felt various eyes from both spirits and humans on him. He didn’t mind. He smiled and enjoyed how much they all loved the gifts they got from him, gifts that they deserved. As all of the spirits admired their presents and chatted with his children, Alfred turned to him.
“If I recall correctly, I believe that you have mentioned them before. They must have been the friends you mentioned a long time ago, hm?”
Bruce nodded. “They’ve been with me since I first started.”
Alfred hummed. “They seem like good children.”
Bruce smiled and nodded again.
The hours passed and eventually, Sam and Valerie couldn’t handle the strain anymore. They disappeared back into their domains, signaling the end of the reunion. More and more spirits began to leave, with waning enthusiasm as their strength was being drained from being out too much. The car and laptop were left behind by Dani and Tucker when they disappeared. Only Jazz and Danny seemed relatively fine, as the rest began to leave back to their haunts. They still looked tired though, and Jazz politely excused herself.
“You’re leaving already?” Jason asked, as Jazz straddled her bike.
She nodded, her helmet covering her face once more.
“We’ll talk more later?” Jazz said, and Jason gave a firm nod.
“At 2. At the usual place.”
She nodded and left, fading into shadows.
Danny was the only one left. He held the deed in his hands and smiled sweetly. “Thank you, Bruce. You should go home now. Spend some time with your family. We appreciate the gifts you’ve given to us, champion, and do not worry, we will watch over the city and your family.”
Bruce gave a nod.
Danny reached over and put a hand on his shoulder. The weight of it was heavy and significant, but it also spread a warmth through Bruce’s body.
It was an extra blessing for the night.
Bruce gave him a minuscule dip of his head. Danny just smiled and like a cloud, dissipated.
Bruce released a small sigh of relief.
Truthfully, he wasn’t sure what he had felt about his kids and the spirits meeting. He wanted the spirits to protect them. He wanted his kids to accept them. He was just… scared. For some reason.
But everything had gone well.
The spirits had always loved his children, and his kids were never probably not able to offend them. After all, they were also vigilantes of Gotham, and all of them risked their lives on the daily to help the city.
It was no shock that they got along like a house on fire.
The blessings of the spirits meant a lot.
His children would now have extra help by their side to keep them safe if he wasn’t able to.
It was Cass that spoke up and brought him out of his thoughts.
“B? Home now?”
Bruce nodded.
He felt… strangely full. Like eating a full meal. He felt satisfied and content.
He smiled, then. “Shall we go do some last minute Christmas shopping?”
Alfred sighed, as the kids cheered, enthusiastically agreeing since they now wanted to open their own gifts after watching the spirits. Bruce couldn’t help but laugh as Cass stuck by his side and Damian insisted on picking another fight with Tim with Jason instigating as always.
Bruce blinked and looked up as he felt something cold fall over his face.
Snowflakes drifted down, bright against the dark sky.
Alfred hummed. “It’s snowing. Master Bruce, shall we go back into the Batmobile?”
Bruce smiled.
“Yes. Let’s go.”
It was Christmas Eve. And with his family by his side and the blessings of the spirits, Bruce had nothing else to worry about for awhile.
“Wait, B! We’re not patrolling today?”
Bruce shook his head. The spirits had agreed to patrol for him, so he could spend the entire day with his family. They all looked surprisingly hopeful at him, even Jason.
Yes, it was a good day today.
Tomorrow would be even better.
“Nope. Today and tomorrow are days all to ourselves!”
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Merry Christmas (Eve)! I hope you guys enjoyed this fic. It’s scary how the year is already starting to end. Ty to @meditating-cat for betaing my fic for me!
Me: *writing a Bruce-sympathetic fic*
Me: Is this character development (for me)?
This fic is meant to be comical and fun, so I tried to breeze past the sad parts as best as I could.
At one point, Danny was acting too mature and this fic was starting to look like a Spirit Halloween ship fic, so I had to quickly change things up :,/
This fic is inspired by this idea specifically, but also about the Gotham City spirit Danny AU on my blog here. (Look at the tags for more).
Wolf is Jazz’s vigilante name and she is part of my assistant!Jazz AU.
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yourloyalwatchdog · 2 days ago
Text
coming up to you while you're scrolling through tumblr on your phone. such an intelligent little pet... let me ruin that for you.
"hi, my dumb puppy." i say as i pet your head.
your thumb stops moving for a beat as your brain accepts my command to your subconscious.
then you blink and continue to scroll. "hey!" you smile when i sit beside you. you don't even register that i said anything to you other than a simple 'hi'.
it happens so subtly, do you even notice how you're already scrolling less? you spend more and more time on each post as it takes your mind longer to register them. the bigger words become harder to pronounce. you don't even recognize a word as hard as "conditioning", which is ironic, because that's exactly what i've done to you.
your eyebrows scrunch up all cutely as whole sentences lose their meaning. you stop scrolling soon enough. now you're stuck rereading that one post over and over and struggling to figure out what it says. but of course, it only makes less sense every time you read it while your vocabulary continues to shrink, until the language becomes something completely foreign altogether. it doesn't mean anything at all anymore.
you put your phone down, beyond frustrated by your own stupidity. your eyes are wary as they flicker over me. i cock my head to the side. "is something wrong, puppy?"
your eyes glaze over for another moment. then another blink, and you're trying to stare into my brain, decipher the tiny hint of mockery in my tone.
"you..." your mind is hard at work trying to translate your racing thoughts into speech. and it's failing. "what... you... do to... me..."
you shift in your seat, rubbing your legs together as heat swells up in your core. as your confusion grows, so does the arousal, because you like to be dumb. you and i both know that. even if you can't quite think that hard right now.
"what do you mean, love? i didn't do anything to you."
"the– i–" your frustration grows, and your ability to articulate what's happening to you diminishes.
your pointless stuttering turns into a needy whimper, which i take great amusement in. "oh, i think i know what the problem is now," i chuckle. "is my dumb puppy in heat?"
your mind has completely slipped away from you now. you let out a bark as you buck your hips, rutting helplessly against the air. your hands reach over to paw at the waistband of my jeans. you don't even know how to get them off me if you tried. that's just too much thinking for a little puppy.
such a pretty thing you are. you pretend to be so smart. a normal, competent person like me. but you're nothing like me. all i have to do is tell you you're my dumb puppy, and every ounce of your humanity leaves you in a matter of minutes. doesn't that mean it was always the truth?
"does puppy need my cock?" i ask. you bark and gaze at me with your best pleading eyes. just a dog begging for a treat.
"well, since you asked so nicely..."
————————
this story is about a fictional scenario. assume prior consent and negotiation have taken place. do not attempt to recreate this scenario in real life without getting informed consent from and thoroughly negotiating with your play partner. kink without consent and negotiation isn't kink, it's abuse.
op/author is a trans man and uses he/him pronouns. do with that information what you will.
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reginyani · 3 days ago
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Late Night Case Files | s.reid x reader
you and Spencer find yourselves working late on some case files, and what starts off as a deep conversation ends in something more intimate.
category: fluff
cw: Y/N used, reader implied as a female, make out sesh (sorta), earlyseasons!spencer
wc: 811
note: please reblog if you enjoyed! reblogging is the only way to promote fics on tumblr :) this is pretty simple, but the ideas are not flowing recently💔
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It was well past midnight when you and Spencer Reid found yourselves in a dimly lit conference room. Case files were scattered everywhere, but you both were too deep into this case to just take off and leave it for tomorrow. Coffee cups were carefully placed away from the stacks of papers, barely touched and cold.
Spencer looked up into the distance, muttering to himself while he processed new information. You watched him for a few moments, visibly seeing something click in his brain that hadn't before. He looked up at you, his eyebrows furrowed. It was quite amusing, actually.
"Y/N, I think I've got it." He motioned with his hand for you to come over to his side. He held onto the file, letting you look at it for a moment before telling you. You looked at him, confused, still not understanding. He finally pointed at the paper, looking up at you. "Right here," his voice was quieter due to the darkness of the night. "This here is the connection we've all just looked over. We missed it, and there it was... in plain sight." He sighed.
You smile brightly, nodding at his connection to the case. "You're amazing, boy genius," you said softly, but not just about the case—just him in general. Spencer's usual distance from you, both emotionally and physically, was absent tonight. He was closer than normal, almost leaving no space between you two, like right now. You shifted slightly away from him, realizing how weird it was to be so close to him. It wasn’t normal.
He looked over at you, smiling at your compliment. "I'm just doing my job, Y/N." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, waiting for you to say something else.
"It's not just that, Reid. You see every little detail that others don't. It's truly something that you should give yourself more credit for." Spencer's lips parted slightly as you said this, like he was going to say something, but he hesitated. "What?" you asked.
"It's just... sometimes I feel like I've missed out on the most simple things." He looked down at the files scattered on the table again before looking back up at you. "Like... really connecting with people, you know?"
You were taken aback by this. This was Dr. Spencer Reid, a man who could crack cases in seconds, decode a serial killer’s mind without any issues! But something about the atmosphere of the dark night outside the windows, the late hour, and the rhythm you shared in the work you had just done made him feel... loose.
You met his eyes, not knowing what to say.
"Sorry, I've just never had the opportunity to talk about this stuff with anyone before. Not in any way that feels... real," he explained, causing you to automatically nod in his direction.
"You're not alone, Spencer. I think everyone struggles with that sometimes," you said, puckering your lips with empathy. You couldn't help it, the warmth spread throughout your body as you felt the connection between you two growing by the second.
He was standing in front of you, barely any space between you two. You soon began to notice this—it was hard not to. You both stared into each other's eyes, letting the tension grow heavier.
Spencer broke the silence, sounding almost breathless as he smiled at you. "Did you know," he began, putting a hand on your cheek and drawing you closer to him, "according to studies, kissing is actually safer than shaking hands?"
You raised an eyebrow in question. "Kissing? Really?" you asked, your heart beating rapidly. He didn't answer, instead slowly closing the gap between you both.
When your lips met, it was soft at first, like a question that you had to answer. You quickly answered it, pulling your hand up and resting it on his shoulder as you deepened the kiss. Your other hand found its way to his neck, holding onto it as you pulled him in closer.
You both eventually pull away, his hand still resting on your cheek, your breaths mingling between you two. You smiled, and he sent one back. Your breath started to calm, and he opened his mouth.
"Way safer than shaking hands..." he muttered, still breathless from the previous act.
You chuckled softly, looking into his eyes. "Well, I think I can take that as a compliment."
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hellfireloserclub · 2 days ago
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For @kaspurrcat . Happy seasonal whatever it is you celebrate at this time of year ! Hope you enjoy your @steddieexchange fic !
Read it on ao3 here
Eddie didn't have a soulmate. He was almost certain of it.
He was almost twenty-two, most soulmates met or crossed paths way before they turned twenty-one.
If he had a soulmate, wouldn't they have shown up by now?
He was pretty sure your soulmate was supposed to show themselves in a near death situation? At this point he was pretty well versed in that department.
He had seen the light. The pearly gates had been calling. He had sacrificed himself for the greater good and all that bullshit, and if you were to believe Wayne, that was a one-way ticket to nirvana.
But the big guy upstairs had kicked him back to the mortal realm with little to no ceremony. He had followed the voices, like a good boy. You know the way they had preached each Sunday at church when he was knee high to a grasshopper. But instead of fluffy clouds and dudes playing harps, the voices had led him back to the blood red skies of the Upside Down.
Maybe he hadn't gotten a free pass after all.
Waking up in Steve Harrington's arms once was an anomaly, his stupidly honest big brown eyes pleading for Eddie to be alright. It wasn’t the worst experience in the world, at least someone other than Dustin had been there to put his insides back in the right place.
The second time Eddie came back from the dead under Steve Harrington's capable hands, it was just getting weird.
Harrington was like a cockroach; you couldn't kill him, but did he have to always be there when Eddie was on the brink of death?
The pair of them really needed to stop jumping head first into lovers lake, it never ended well for either of them. It was getting to where he was pretty sure his near-death experiences were more near Steve experiences these days.
Now if you were to believe the textbooks and the mushy romance novels… the love of Eddie's life should have been the one to bring him back from the brink.
Not Steve ‘king of the hair’ Harrington.
So in Eddie's defense, he was pretty sure that his soulmate just didn't exist.
She would have turned up by now right? Some universal bond tying him to the earthly realm.
He would have some sort of mark, something that tied them together, but he didn't.
All he had was scars.
Scars, nightmares, and a Knight in denim armor in the form of Steve Harrington. Someone he now got to count as one of his closest friends.
So when anyone asked him about it -why he still hasn't found his other half- he told them it didn't matter. Because it really didn't. The world was a big place, there was every chance your soulmate didn't even live in the same town, city, state… hell they might not even live on the same continent.
So it didn't matter. Eddie didn't have a soulmate. Eddie didn't care.
Only he did.
Ever since he came back from the dead the second time, (He really hoped he wouldn't have to make it a third time and that this time Vecna really stayed dead) Eddie had become obsessed with the concept of soulmates. Fascinated by the way the universe decided who was the other half of your soul and how that bond manifested. He had notebook after notebook on the subject. Read every book he could get his hands on copying paragraph after paragraph into his swooping scrawl.
He observed the people in his life like they were a nature documentary, then when his brain had processed the information he recorded it in his notes.
If he had been this thorough in high school, he might have graduated first time around.
He watched as Hopper and Joyce re-connected a soul bond that had formed back when they were teens.
Joyce would regale them whenever she got a drink in her hand, that something had pulled her to keep looking for Hopper when he disappeared. Not that same drive that had made everyone think she was crazy when Will disappeared, it was something else. It was the feeling of being tugged in a direction but not knowing where to go. A buzz in her mind that told her that Hop wasn't dead. It was the same feeling she had back when they Upside Down had come knocking the first time, but this time it was tenfold.
(Eddie wished he had someone who would always keep looking for him, it would be nice not to feel lost )
Lucas had instinctively known what Max had needed all the way through her time in the hospital, even when she was three floors above them and deep in a coma.
In her time of healing, he formed the echoes of her wounds and ever since any minor cut or blemish showed on the others skin when they hurt themselves.
Max learning to skate again had ended up with Lucas looking like he had fallen out of a tree. But he wore his bruises and scrapes with pride and they faded a lot faster than the ones that the car park had created outside of Maldives.
(The only wounds that showed on his skin these days were paper cuts from all his notebooks and the occasional burn to the tip of his finger. His mind wandered when he smoked and he must burn them down to the filter more often than he noticed. )
Nancy and Jonathan had manufactured soul marks, twin cuts on their palms that had been their own doing, a bond made rather than given, born through trauma and blood. Since they had reunited that bond had grown stronger.
It must have sucked to be Harrington, Eddie had been routing for him. As far as Eddie could see Steve was head over heels for Nancy, at least he had been back then.
But Jon and Nancy’s bond is forged in blood. The strongest of the soul bonds, made from sacrifice. Sure Steve had thrown himself in front of the jaws of death a million times, but not in the same way as Nancy and Jon had that first time.
(Eddie thought about it every time he looked at the scar on his arm from when he and Steve had cut themselves to lure the Demodogs away from the hospital and towards lovers lake. He still can’t believe his stupid plan worked. He had been in no fit state to be trying to run for his life again, but had been back on his feet enough to lure the drooling monsters away from Max’s door. But it had worked, and it had worked well. Right until something pulled him and Steve to the bottom of the lake again, but Eddie's plans rarely had an exit strategy, getting out was an afterthought.)
Eddie had wondered why the trauma that Robin and Steve went through hadn’t marked them. Normally five drinks deep and high as a kite he would ask them, the weird little third wheel that he was.
But whenever Eddie brought it up Steve would go quiet, and Robin would tell Eddie that when you only had one brain between you both, sharing a soul wouldn’t be the best idea.
Steve would get fidgety and rub absentmindedly at his neck, then mutter about soulmates being ridiculous, anyway. He rubbed that scar a lot, whenever he was nervous, whenever he was deep in thought.
Eddie wondered if it tingled and itched the way his own did, late at night when he was lying alone and pining for something he didn't seem to have.
Maybe notorious ladies’ man Harrington had the same problem as Eddie?
It wasn't unheard of to lose a soulmate, and Hawkins had a high body count.
Wayne had never met the other half of his soul, that little tug of fate had never come calling and Wayne was fine, Wayne was happy. At least that's what Eddie thought, it was sometimes hard to read his old man's expression and because he was a man of few words; it wasn't like they were ever going to go all deep and meaningful over it.
But just this once Eddie felt like he would like to be normal. He was getting kind of sick and tired of being the anomaly. He could deal with being the freak, but on his terms. When it came to this, to the matter of his very soul, it would be nice to be a little sheepee instead of the big bad wolf.
*************
Eddie flexed his arm in the breakroom mirror, his new ink had healed nicely.
Gareth had suggested a trip into the big city when he was back from college for Thanksgiving, and who was Eddie to deny one of his oldest friends anything?
It was an act of split second decision to swing into the tattoo parlor. Garath wanted, and Eddie was weak willed and easily led.
The guy had done a good job; he left with his bats touched up and looking a lot less like they had been chewed up by the demonic version of their best selves. The stick and poke version was long gone, replaced by the forking tails of the beasts that had given him the gnarly flesh wounds he was now trying to make a distant memory.
It was nice to look in the mirror and not instantly be reminded of skin grafts and trauma, to see bits of himself rising to the surface.
Yeah maybe the bats had been a bit on the nose, but he had read enough Batman comics to learn to embrace the thing that scared him.
It was helping to hold on to at least one bit of his own identity. He was not enjoying being part of the corporate grind, even if that corporate grind was lugging boxes around and stacking shelves in Family Video alongside Steve. Battle vest traded in for the forest green monstrosity that did nothing for his complexion.
The only thing it had going for it was the fact that he could wear whatever the hell he liked under the thing as long as he toned it down when head office showed up.
After all, he was friends with the boss.
Life was serene when Steve was the boss, especially when he was willing to rotate the staff around Hellfire, important Party business and Eddie’s inability to function on anything that looked or acted like a schedule.
Right now the man in question was watching him from the door, arms crossed in irritation as he tapped his foot in agitation.
“You look hot Munson, Sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in a work vest, now can we please, get a move on.” Steve bitched as he checked the time on his watch again.
“Buckley isn’t back for at least another hour and a half, what's the rush sweetheart?” Eddie said over his shoulder as he pulled his sweater back down over his hands and threw his vest in the staff's corner room where it would have to rot till his next shift.
“We have to pick up the tree from Hoppers before we go get her and I wanted to catch my parents before they fly out to my Gran’s for the holidays-”
“They leaving you here again?” Eddie asked sceptically, as he pulled on his jacket, not that he didn’t like the Harrington's; they had been nothing but nice to him. He just wished that once in a while they would put Steve before whatever flight of fancy his mother took, or the business trips his dad couldn’t be trusted to take alone.
“I told them I didn’t want to go, I haven’t seen Robin in over a month, and I have work. Pair that with the fact that I really can’t be bothered with my Gran lecturing me on how disappointed she is in me I took the get out of jail free card . This way I get to see your cheerful face throughout this festive season.” Steve said, patting Eddie on both cheeks.
Steve had a way of getting under Eddie's skin like nobody else, if anyone else tried to baby him like this he would bite them. Verbally or physically depending on who it was, although he did try to rein in his strangeness these days, at least in public, but not around Steve, he snapped after Steve's fingers as he pulled them away.
“Yeah, but now… I get to feel guilty about the fact you're rocking around that great big house of yours on your own on the big day, baby… pretty thing like you shouldn’t be alone on Christmas.” Eddie said as he followed Steve towards the door. Getting as close as he dares to really irritate the man. It was too early to close the store, they both knew that, but who was going to tell them off? Steve?
Trying to irritate him didn’t work, as soon as they were at the door Steve halted and Eddie plowed right into his back, causing the other man to laugh and reach out and steady him.
“Careful.” Steve said as he reached around him to flip the sign, pulled his packet of Malbrough out of his pocket and gently pushed Eddie out the door.
It was a well-practiced thing now, the first smoke at the end of the shift. If they were picking up Robin soon, it might be the last one Steve had for a while. Robin’s wrath at them smoking around her wasn’t worth the nicotine fix.
Eddie watched as the other man went through his routine, lighting two cigarettes in his own mouth then passing one to Eddie, he let Steve place it between his lips no questions asked.
Steve seemed to mill something over in his mind as he took his first deep huff of smoke.
“I’m not going to be alone, I’ll be at Henderson’s, just like you no doubt, because I’m sure as hell that Uncle Wayne refused to take the day off.”
“Stubborn as a mule, and just as predictable.” Eddie grumbled.
“Uncle Wayne or you?” Steve asked, blowing small smoke circles in the air. The sight momentarily hypnotized Eddie, unable to take his eyes away from the way Steve twisted his tongue to get the shapes right.
“You don’t have to call him Uncle, we've been through this.” Eddie groused as he ashed his own cigarette, before opening his side of the truck and climbing behind the driver's seat.
“Yeah I know, but he won’t let me call him Sir and he keeps telling me if I call him Mr. Munson, I’m not allowed in the apartment.” Steve lamented as they drove out of the car park and turned towards the forest. “I know for a fact that Mama Claudia would never leave you and Wayne out when she invited all the strays around for lunch, because she’s incapable of not looking after a lost cause.”
“Does this mean I have to get you a gift?” Eddie asked as they idled at a red light, the snow falling slowly outside adding an element of whimsy to the traitorous conditions. He took his last draw of his smoke and stubbed it out in his ashtray, eyes half on the road, half on his closest friend in the passenger seat. He looked good today, all ruddy cheeked and wind swept, even if his signature hair hid underneath a black wool hat that he had stolen from Eddie last time he was at the apartment.
“You mean you haven’t already?” Steve pouted from the passenger seat, angel and bastard all rolled into one being. “I thought I was a kept man?”
“Whores will have their trinkets.” Eddie lamented and Steve punched him in the arm.
“Strong words when you're the only one who’s had a date in months.” Steve grumbled waving his cigarette around in Eddie’s direction. It was almost burned to the filter, and Eddie wondered if Steve was determined to enjoy every bit before Robin got here, or if he had just forgotten he was smoking it like usual.
“Failed date’s Harrington. Failed dates. I’m an accused murderer, at least I have an excuse for striking out. What’s your excuse?” God the light was taking forever to change, Eddie rubbed his hand along the raised bumps of his steering wheel, the action burning friction to the tips of his fingers, the warmth welcomed against the bitterness of the snow.
“I’m just not interested? I dunno, I just…” Steve trailed off, rubbing absentmindedly at his right arm. “Maybe I’m just caught up on something I can’t have, keep sabotaging myself before I’ve even gotten them out the front door.”
“You got your eye on someone?” Eddie asked. Steve had mentioned no one recently, he hadn’t even really tried to hit on any of the women that clearly were flirting with him when they came into the store.
“Is it someone I know?”
“He is yeah.” Steve said quietly, so quiet Eddie was sure he wasn’t supposed to hear it.
Steve made a fuss of stubbing out his cigarette, raising his hand to his mouth where he had ignited the filter and it had caught his skin. It was quick and Eddie almost missed it but Steve looked over to him as Eddie inhaled quickly, a warmth spreading through him he couldn’t quite put a finger on, even if that was where it had started.
“He?” he asked carefully, aware that how he handled this was going to make or break this strange friendship that both he and Steve had cultivated. He didn’t want Steve to think he was about to punch him in the face.
“He.” Steve said again, rubbing at his arm with a little more persistence. “But you know, small town Indiana. So the chance of him liking me back? It’s like the chances of something coming from Mars…so what? A million to one? So like…” He waved his hand about weakly. This wasn’t the time to point out that Steve had definitely been spending too much time with him and Dustin.
“So is he like… You know.. Your soulmate?” Eddie asked, wishing the light would hurry and change color so he could make himself concentrate on the road.
“I had a feeling he was. But it was sort of confirmed the other week. But who knows, maybe I’m just clutching at straws. I don’t think he knows, or if he does, he's said nothing.” Steve said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “Maybe he knows and just doesn't care, that’s always an option.”
That made something twist in Eddie’s stomach, he had been so sure that Steve, like himself, was destined not to find his soulmate. But knowing that he had found him, and they didn't want him back?
It was making Eddie’s insides knot with jealousy and rage and he didn’t like the taste of it on his tongue.
“Maybe he’s scared? Or maybe he’s just an idiot, or he just hasn’t released? I mean Maybe he’s not looking for a dude? Although I dunno, how anyone could spend five minutes with you and not love you Stevie. You just need to turn on that Harrington charm right?” Eddie asked as the lights finally changed color and he could drag his eyes away from the worried expression that was plastered on Steve’s face now.
“I've tried, he's oblivious.” Steve said weakly, he sounded so defeated it was making Eddie’s heart ache.
This was why Eddie had given up, he never wanted to sound that sad over something that was outside of his own control.
He chanced a glance in Steve’s direction; he was chewing on his finger now, red from the burn and now the irritation of Steve’s tongue and lips.
“It doesn’t bother you… that I’m…that I like…”
“That, you like dicks?” Eddie asked, almost unable to keep the nervous laughter out of his voice. He didn’t have a problem with it, it had just thrown him, he hadn’t expected it from ladies’ man Steve.
“Dunno never tried it. I was gonna say dudes, but you just gotta make it weird right?” Steve said with a depreciated laugh. Eddie couldn’t let that slide. Steve was a saint, he didn’t get to belittle himself, not on Eddie’s watch.
“King of the freaks, remember? It’s my job to be weird, it happens by default. Anyway, who am I to ever stop anyone from being the best version of themself? Plus, if you’re gay that means more women for me right?” Eddie said, focusing on trying to find the turnoff to Hoppers through the now dense falling snow.
“Not gay.” Steve said as he tapped him on the arm and pointed to the turn in the road that Eddie had almost missed.
“You just told me your soulmate is a dude and that you like dicks…. Sounds pretty gay to me Stevie.” Eddie reasoned as carefully turned onto the wood-lined drive to the Hoppers- Byers cabin.
“You know you can like both women and men right?” Steve asked quietly as he zipped his coat tighter at the sight of Hopper and Jane waiting for them with a pre-cut tree. “There’s a word for it, but we all know how bad I am with words. Robin will be able to tell you later, but yeah.. Whatever that is? That's me, so, I just…” Steve seemed to sink into himself more lost in the many folds of his oversized jacket.
Eddie said nothing as he parked up. Processing what Steve had just told him? Both? That creature that lived in him paced, trying to process this new knowledge. Eddie tried to soothe it, this wasn’t the time, he could look at that new information later when Steve wasn’t spilling his heart out to him in a snowstorm.
They were both about to get out when he reached over and grabbed Steve’s arm, warmth running through him when Steve didn’t pull away.
“Thankyou for telling me, you didn’t have to-”
“-But I wanted to.” Steve said with a weak smile as he stepped out into the building storm.
*********
Robin and Steve had fallen straight into that silent communication that Eddie still didn't get but reluctantly admitted was kind of cute in a twisted way.
He preferred no words better than the hushed conversations the two of them were having in the back seat, keeping voices low so the sound of the truck kept their secrets.
After their earlier conversation, he and Steve hadn’t really circled back around to the earth shattering revelation that Steve’s soulmate was a guy.
It felt like with this new knowledge about Steve, Eddie’s world view was changing.
To be fair, his world view had changed a lot since 86, that ladies’ man Steve also liked guys was really pretty far down on the list of life shattering revelations.
Yet Eddie was confused why the thought of it was giving him palpitations. The idea was sitting heavily in his chest and in his head and it was just as well he had to keep his eyes on the road because he knew if he didn’t he was likely to dwell on his new factoid and spiral down a rabbit hole he wasn’t sure he would get out of soon.
Every so often Eddie would glance at the two people in the back seat, covertly of course, the wonder of the rear-view mirror.
Steve was showing Robin something, his body twisted so that Eddie couldn’t make out what it was. He couldn't make out what they were saying with a quirk of the eyebrow and a knowing glance, no matter how good he had gotten at reading the expressions of the two weirdos behind him.
Was Steve telling Robin the thing that had confirmed to Steve that the person he thought was his soulmate was actually his soulmate?
Eddie turned the music up to give the two of them more privacy.
Steve would share his revelation with him when he was ready. If he was ever ready to.
As he turned towards Loch Nora, Eddie felt the mood change in the car.
That ache was back, it sat heavy in his chest, a longing for something he couldn’t have.
He couldn't work out why it snuck up on him like this, more and more when he least expected it.
When he glanced in the mirror again Steve was watching him. Robin curled into his side as she talked animatedly.
It was easy to see why people thought the two of them were a couple, joined at the hip, mirrors of each other in almost every way, now that Steve liked guys, that just added to the reflection.
“I heard dingus told you his good news?” Robin asked, leaning forward and resting herself between the two front chairs. It would annoy Eddie that one of them hadn’t just rode up front with him. But he knew the two of them had to fuze together as soon as possible when reunited, and it really wouldn’t have been safe for both of them to squash themselves into the front seat, at least not with the snow coming down like it was now.
“The whole, doubling his chances of absolutely foul balling his relationships?” Eddie asked as they passed the now entering Hawkins sign. “Yeah, he mentioned it.”
“And?”
“And what? I don’t have an issue with it if that’s what you're asking?”
“So you are cool with him being Bisexual-”
“That’s it Bisexual! How the hell did I not remember that?” Steve complained from the back seat.
“Doesn’t bother me what or who he sticks his dick in, or you know… the other way around.” Eddie had to really concentrate not to swerve the car as Robin smacked him in the arm. HARD.
In the back seat Steve yelped, Eddie figured Robin must have kicked him or something, but he couldn’t see past Robin in his rear-view mirror.
“Why are you both so revolting? Like seriously, what did I do to be stuck with the pair of you?”
“You love us both Bucks, don’t be giving us that.” Eddie reprimanded.
“God, you are like a bonded pair now. How am I supposed to prosper in this kind of environment?” Robin grumbled, throwing herself back into the back seat with a huff. “Why has the universe cursed me with two absolute numbskulls as best friends?”
“Hey! Less of the numbskulls.” Steve complained. “My dumbness is all the concussions. I’m sure you have plenty of opportunities to prosper at all the wild parties you go to. Not my fault you left me to spread your wild oats or whatever it is you get up to in that fancy school of yours.”
“You would know what I get up to if you ever ventured further than Indianapolis.” Robin sniped back. “But you two seem to have made roots here. When was the last time the two of you went over three days without seeing each other?”
“We work together Robs, I don't think that's fair…” Steve started arguing, but Eddie had turned his attention back to the road, the snow was coming down harder now, it gave him time to think about Robin's question.
When was the last time the two of them had spent more than three days apart?
Maybe when Wayne and Eddie had gone on that fishing trip?
Sometimes Eddie spent more time with Steve than he did with Wayne, and they still lived together.
Often when Steve's parents were away, Eddie would crash at Steve’s house, wherever they landed was where they slept. He had shared a bed with Steve Harrington more times than any other living being.
Hu? Now he thought about it, maybe he really was permanently in Steve’s space. He really had fallen into the gap that Robin had left behind that easily. Her old job, her place at Steve's side, her place in Steve's bed.
Eddie had never been like that with any of his other friends as far as he could remember. Maybe when he was little and Wayne had let him sleep over at Jeff's, but they had slept top to tail.
But the first time Steve had grunted at him to ‘just stay put man,’ when he had moved to get up and move himself to the guest room, Eddie hadn’t fought it, he had just settled back in and let Steve get comfortable against his side again.
Steve needed it. Eddie knew he wasn't sleeping well again. And after that first time it had just been a thing that happened. He hadn't questioned it .
Maybe Robin had a point.
Steve had become such an integral part of Eddie’s routine and he hadn’t even noticed it happening.
That led to the question: who was the mysterious man who had imprinted on Steve and left his mark? Because Eddie would have to be aware of them right? If they were always together it wasn’t like a stranger had walked in and whisked him off his feet.
The mysterious man of Steve's dreams itched like an irritation that Eddie couldn't quite reach, and when he looked in the rearview again, it didn’t surprise him to see Steve staring back at him.
**************
“Season’s greetings and salutations.” Eddie said as he darted into the kitchen to get the dustpan and brush to pick up the pine leaves trailing from the front door to the corner next to the fire.
Mr. Harrington looked every bit his son when he shook his head and the small smile creeped upon his face, it was a testament to how often Eddie was in the house that the older man hadn’t even questioned his presence in his humble abode.
Not that you could call the Harrington home humble, it was every bit the show home that Steve’s mom had intended it to be. Mrs. Harrington would have a conniption if she ever visited Wayne’s place, the only interior design magazine that had ever entered the place was being used to prop up the corner of the wonky coffee table.
Ironically, it was the one that featured Mrs. Harrington on page three with her newest grand design.
Perks of being married to an editor, Eddie supposed. But hey, if it stopped him losing his cereal to the floor in the morning it had its uses.
“I thought you were both on the close tonight?” Mr. Harrington asked as Eddie grabbed the cleaning things.
“We were.” He started, and the rest came out in a rush as he rummaged through the cupboard for cleaning stuff, but Richard Harrington seemed to keep up. “But you're leaving tonight and Steve wanted to see you before you left and we had to pick up Robin from the bus station, ‘cause her parents aren't back until ten. There was no way I was letting Steve try to drive the Beemer in this. And then I was roped into getting the tree from Hoppers with him, because that couldn’t have waited till tomorrow, and him and Robin have left a trail of destruction in their wake,” Eddie waved the brush around to show his intentions and the reason for his rush of words, “So you know, I’m left to tidy up that mess… and that’s why, if anyone from head office calls, the snow took the power out.”
Richard Harrington had a pleasant laugh, sweet like honey, another thing he shared with his son. That Eddie had noticed that made the twisting in his chest churn again.
He really needed to look at that a bit more. It couldn't be good.
“I take it that if I walk into my lounge I'm going to be bombarded with Christmas cheer?” He asked, the grin getting bigger.
“Alas, just a naked tree, apparently your grandchildren need to be present to festoon its mighty branches with glitter and gold.” Eddie said sagely. “And that I believe is my punishment tomorrow as I think I’ve displeased his lordship.”
“Ah, just as well Lenore stocked the candy and soda up for the festivities.” Richard said sagely as he sipped his coffee. Eddie knew what was coming next, it was Richard Harrington’s current new obsession. “Have you thought about writing that book yet?”
“Ah, Mr. H, you know I can't spell for shit…”
“And I keep telling you that's what one of my editors is for. Tell me you will at least think about it again over Christmas?” Richard asked, and oh great. There was that pleading look Steve used to get Eddie to do a lot of the heavy lifting. It wasn't as effective when it was blue eyes doing the requesting, it was easier to say no to Richard.
“I'll think about it.” Eddie said as the sound of Mrs. Harrington descending the stairs caused Richard to jump to his feet.
“Good, I just want Steve's-” he cut himself off looking sheepish. It was another one of Steve's traits that he shared with his dad, no brain to mouth filter, Steve was always putting his foot in his mouth, especially around the kids.
Still, Eddie really wanted to know what was at the end of that sentence.
“Steve's what?” Eddie asked just as Lenore Harrington joined them in the kitchen trailing a suitcase behind her that her husband was quick to take off her hands so he could ignore Eddie's question.
“Oh hello Eddie dear, did I hear Steve and Robin?” Lenore asked with a quick hug as she passed en route to the lounge, she didn’t wait for an answer as she sashayed past with an elegance that Steve had not inherited.
“Lenore’s mother is a bit of a drama queen,” Richard said as he followed Eddie and his brush to the hallway. “She’s been on the phone several times already tonight asking us to try to convince Steve and his lovely young lady to come with us.” he explained as Eddie swept up the fallen pine leaves.
“By young lady, I take it she means Robin?” Eddie asked as Richard added the case to the pile by the door.
“Yes. She’s rather old-fashioned Steven’s grandmother, I don’t think she really understands the dynamic between the two of them. She nearly had a heart attack when I moved her precious socialite daughter to Hawkins of all places.” Richard said with a little chuckle to himself. “I keep trying to convince her to come visit, she never does, I would love to see her face when she meets you.”
Eddie didn’t know how to take that, unsure if it was meant as an insult or a complement. Mr. Harrington didn’t seem to notice though as he followed Eddie as he swept the entire trail of pine needles away.
“Dad, are you trying to get Eddie to sign to your label again?” Steve asked as he broke free of his mother’s hug. Evidently the conversation had carried from the kitchen, either that or Steve’s mother was whispering in his ear again.
“Just looking after my future interests Steven. Eddie has talent and he would be an excellent addition to the Harrington family, or do the two of you really intend on spending the prime of your life negotiating late fees for someone else's business?”
“I’m happy if you are Eds?” Steve said as he gave his dad a quick hug, “Some of us aren’t built for jet setting around the world. Well, I’m sure, given half the chance Eddie would be off like a shot as long as it involved his guitar-,”
“I’d always have room for you as my glamorous assistant Stevie, you know this.” Eddie said as he brushed around the base of the tree where the worst of the needles had fallen.
“See what I mean? You can’t separate them, you know, a bit like freezer burned burgers or that weird black mold in the back of the fridge.” Robin piped up from her perch on the end of the sofa. “The longer I’m away, the more tragic their bond becomes.” She lamented, popping a marshmallow in her mouth and chewing it, never once dropping her menacing smile.
Lenore laughed as she pulled on her big winter coat. “Last chance to change your mind, you and Eddie are welcome to join us?”
“See, even you are treating them like a unit. I feel like I’ve been replaced. Have I been replaced, Steve?” Robin huffed as Steve dropped on the sofa next to her, he shot her with a loaded look, and Eddie suddenly felt like whatever conversation the two of them had been having in the car needed to be continued, possibly louder and possibly involving a fair bit of bitching.
Eddie was not stupid enough to get caught in the crossfire of that.
“As much as I appreciate the offer of getting out of dodge for the festive season, Wayne likes to have me about, and I feel like Mr. Harrington needs a few days off trying to wrangle his next big book deal.” Eddie said, handing the dustpan and brush to Steve to finish what Eddie had started.
“Speaking of Wayne, I should get home, I want to see him before he goes on to shift, so I better hit the road.”
Eddie couldn’t read the expression on Steve’s face, but he could tell that Robin was biting her lip to hold back whatever was on her mind. No doubt he was going to get sounded out as soon as he turned up at Steve’s tomorrow. There was no point in fighting the inevitable.
Eddie grabbed his coat and followed Mr. and Mrs. Harrington out to the cars, helping with the bags like the good little boy scout he was.
“Eddie?” Mr. Harrington asked just as he turned to jump back in his truck. Eddie spun on the spot, no matter how much he got on with the Harrington’s he was still deep down aware of the class divide. Permanently torn between needing to fight the hierarchy and knowing that there wasn’t a threat.
“Yeah, Mr. H?” Eddie asked as he pulled his coat tighter around himself.
Richard stepped closer, making sure that his wife couldn’t see him from the car.
“Can you keep an eye on Steve over the next few days? Something’s been up with him these last few weeks and he won’t tell me or his mother what it is.” He asked, and it made Eddie feel a little worried that Steve’s dad was coming to him out of all of his friends to watch him.
“I mean, Robin is back, she will get whatever it is out of him-” Eddie started, not wanting to share the secret that Steve had shared with him, not if Steve hadn’t shared it with his parents yet.
“But you know him best. Just, I don’t know, maybe he will tell you what’s wrong?” Richard said, gripping him on the shoulder and giving it a tight fatherly squeeze.
For the second time that night, Eddie felt like the rug was being pulled out from under him. First Steve telling him about his soulmate and now Richard Harrington saying that Eddie knew Steve best? Robin was right there, and when Steve’s soulmate finally made himself known the two of them would probably descend in the ranks. Although Eddie very much doubted that he would ever outrank Robin in that department.
“Yeah, alright, I will talk to him.” Eddie agreed, the feeling of being watched itched at him. His scar on his neck aching slightly with the cold. “You best get going if this snow gets worse they might ground the flight.”
“True, very true.” Richard said, moving his hand away, waving towards the house as he stepped back to the car. “Merry Christmas Eddie. Think about that book again please.” He said as he got in the car.
When the engine started Eddie moved away to get in his own truck, but not before looking back to the house to see who had been on the receiving end of the wave.
Steve stood in the window, backlit by the harsh overhead light, but it was clear to see he was watching Eddie, his hand resting against his neck.
They held eye contact for a moment before Steve waved and pulled the curtains shut.
Whatever that was about, Eddie would not look at it too hard right now.
Right now he needed to get home to Wayne, then later he could unpack the cluster fuck that had been the last twelve hours.
*************
Ever since Eddie had been old enough to fend for himself over Christmas, Wayne had taken the crap shifts over the holidays. The money was better, often double or triple time, and the two of them weren’t exactly in a place to say no to that back in the day. Now Wayne did the shifts so that the people with little kids could have it off, because that was just the sort of self sacrificing fool that the guy was. After all, Eddie had to get it from someone.
So Wayne had left him in the early hours of Christmas Eve, and Eddie had all the intentions in the world of getting himself to bed and maybe getting some much needed sleep.
Unfortunately, Eddie’s mind had other ideas.
He had finally nodded off just after 6am, his books and notebooks scattered around him as he went through all his notes on soulmates trying to itch that scratch in his brain that was triggered earlier by Steve in the car.
He couldn’t work out how Steve could have met his soulmate, not if he was close enough to them to have confirmed his suspicions in the last few weeks. He was pretty sure that was the strangeness that Mr. Harrington had noticed, and now Eddie was trying to work out if he had seen Steve acting weird around anyone they knew.
Eddie had run through every interaction that they'd had with people since thanksgiving. Maybe it was the new delivery driver? He was cute, if you were into the blond hair and blue eye’s thing. He had muscular arm’s and with all the lifting he did day in day out, and he looked like he was probably a jock in high school. Maybe that was Steve’s type?
What was Steve’s type, anyway? Now that Eddie was looking at it, he wasn’t even sure Steve had a type he jumped around between the Molly Ringwalds and the Sigourney Weaver of this world, but did that apply to guys too?
Was it Jeff? It was a possibility he supposed; they had hung out a bit recently, but Eddie was pretty sure that Jeff was head over ass for the girl that worked at the drive in.
Maybe it was the guy that worked the ticket booth at the drive in? The punk guy that got Eddie's heckles up every time he lent his slutty little waist up against the Beemer.
That would just be a crying shame, Steve lowering himself to the crushing on a punk.
He might have to rethink the whole friendship if Steve ended up being soulmates with someone whose musical taste revolved around only three chords.
The kicker though came when Eddie realized how much the whole thing was upsetting him. And the more he looked at it, the more he was realizing that he wasn't sure where the jealousy was coming from.
His knee jerk reaction had been that he was jealous that Steve had found his soulmate. But now?
Now he was questioning if it wasn't something more, if he wasn't jealous of the fact that Steve had feelings for another man and that man wasn't Eddie himself.
It was making Eddie question everything he knew about himself.
Because he couldn’t say he hadn't looked at other guys. He couldn't stand up and honestly say he hadn't seen photos of Ozzy and felt something more than an admiration for the man.
Did he have a crush on Ozzy Osborne? That would explain a few of the more questionable dreams.
So that opened up another question.
Did he have a crush on Steve?
It was certainly a possibility.
The two of them were constantly in each other's orbit, and they flirted like it was a second language that they were more than fluent in. Only now Eddie wasn’t sure that he hadn’t meant all the things he had been dishing out to Steve on the daily for the last few years.
If would explain the gut churning and the ache he was currently feeling at the thought of Steve having found his soulmate.
What had Robin called it? Bisexual.
Steve liked women and men, apparently that was a thing.
Was that a thing that could apply to Eddie?
He definitely liked women, that was a given, if he was to believe Steve he was getting the most action out of the two of them.
Although Eddie had hit a dry spell that was embarrassing even for a self confessed nerd like himself.
It had been at least nine months since he had to find excuses to sneak out of anyone's bed rather than face the awkward next day conversations.
He had been striking out lately, turning down dates when Steve asked him to hang out, Eddie was running over his last few dates in his head, had he been sabotaging them because they weren't Steve?
The more he looked at it the more likely it seemed.
Eddie knew he was spiraling. Knew if he could just sound out the busy thoughts in his head to someone, he might make them make sense. But the person he would normally run to was the source of his confusion and that left him nowhere to turn.
This definitely wasn't the thing that he and Wayne were finally having that big heart to heart over.
“Yeah Wayne, I think I'm in love with Steve.” even in his head it made him want to cringe and hide away.
Love ?
Oh fuck right off, it wasn't love.
It couldn't be love if he only just realized it was a viable option right ?
Only it wasn't, was it?
Steve had a soulmate. Eddie didn't.
It would be a match made to fail even if there was the smallest chance that Steve liked him back.
Maybe he should just keep his distance?
The idea of not seeing Steve made him ache in a way that he recognized now, it made him feel sick but now he understood what it meant.
And that made it a million times worse.
He had a joint and tried to make his brain stop for just a moment, and it must have worked.
The next thing he knew someone's car was grumbling to life outside in the street and sunlight was streaming through the window.
***********
His new resolution to stay away from Steve hadn't lasted long.
The snow had fallen again during his existential crisis last night and the world seemed merry and bright. Or as bright as it could be when all Eddie wanted for Christmas was an interdimensional rift to open under his feet and the demobats to go three for three on his earthly demise.
Steve had given them both the day off, perks of being the boss, and Eddie had expected to be one of the first to show up at the Harrington home to set about operation Christmas. Yet when he crunched up the driveway his own footprints got lost in the imprints left by the hoard that had evidently already descended. The kids having their own wheels these days was making him feel old .
He let himself in, Steve had left it unlocked to save him the hassle of having to keep getting up every person who pounded on the door.
Not that it would have mattered if the door was still locked. Eddie had a key.
That was another thing to add to his list of confusing things that had happened between him and Steve.
Steve had given him a key in the middle of the night when the nightmares got too bad. He could get in without waking the whole Harrington clan. If Steve rang him in a broken down state Eddie would drive over and let himself in, climb the stairs and hold Steve until he calmed.
Eddie didn't mind, more often than not he was in the same messed up state.
Trembling in the quiet of his and Wayne's new apartment, that would never feel like a home in the way the trailer had.
Steve's parents knew, they didn't seem phased by it.
Not in the way Eddie was sure they should when a guy who was once a wanted murderer wanders down from their son's bedroom first thing in the morning, sleep rumpled and looking for coffee.
It was all a little overfamiliar, and Eddie wasn’t sure how he was supposed to deal with someone else taking that place in Steve's life. Was this how Robin felt when she left for college? Because if it was Eddie understood the tears and the mini breakdown now. It was completely justified.
The absolute chaos he had expected greeted him as he crossed the threshold.
The kids had commandeered the job of dressing the tree. Max was yelling, bossing the boys about as was her God given right, and Will was trying and failing to get the others to decorate the back of the tree as well as the front.
It hung limply towards them threatening a topple under the weight of the many brightly colored baubles and static fairy lights, a pale comparison to the fluffy tree that Eddie and the four armed Steve-Robin beast had blundered through the door the night before.
Max looked just about ready to smack Lucas and Mike with her cane, just to get Will and her point across.
Jane sat on the sofa, a bastion of calm as her and Erica slid popcorn onto string making garlands, eating just as much as they threaded on the needle.
Apart from the ruckus, it made quite the sweet Christmas scene, even with the chaos unfolding.
The kids all had matching sweaters on, no doubt courtesy of Dustin’s mom. Eddie's hunch was confirmed when Robin walked up to him and dumped a neatly wrapped package in his arms.
“Claudia is trying to make this into a thing, and she scares me sooooooo….” Robin said, looking at the two bags of presents that Eddie had brought with him. He wished he had hung fire and left Steve and Robin's gifts in the car. Because Steve was right, he had bought him something pretty and now he was sure it was a stupid idea .
“You gotta be kidding me”
Steve's voice piped up from behind them, and now Eddie had the inkling, he knew exactly what that skip in his heart meant.
“Dustin, stop. You're going to pull the damn thing down, you already stripped the bottom two branches, and Eddie spent ages picking the needles up last night.”
Steve rushed past them both, carefully depositing the tray of hot chocolates on the coffee table as he passed. Erica and Jane wasted no time in grabbing the ones with the most marshmallows whilst the rest of the party were occupied.
Steve Reached out and secured the tree while the others removed some of the heavy ornaments that were causing it to buckle and bow.
“The children never listen.” Robin said sagely as she relieved Eddie of his bag and nudged the present in his hand, indicating he should probably open it.
Eddie was too distracted though, he couldn't stop looking at Steve. It was the first time he had seen him since he had come to terms with the recent development in his life and he was mentally kicking himself for not realizing what any of the obvious feelings he had for Steve had been before.
Eddie caught Steve’s eye, and something in Eddie's stomach swooped like he was about to plummet over the edge of a presapiss. Oh, he was done for.
He was definitely going to die old and alone, watching Steve happily live his life with another man.
If he had worked this out sooner would it have made any difference?
Probably not, Steve was his friend, he had zero romantic interest in Eddie.
Eddie just had to go making everything weird.
Evidently he had been staring too long, Robin dug him in the side again, glancing between Eddie and Steve and the strange staring contest that had started across the lounge.
‘Pathetic’ Robin muttered to herself, then aloud she said “Come on Munson, you're the only one not dressed in a Christmas monstrosity. Strip dude.”
“It's a good job I know you.” Eddie said, ripping the paper from the present and pulling out his own matching festive cheer. “I don't know if I like these bad habits you're learning at that fancy School of yours.”
“They teach me how to get oversized man-boys to do what I tell them.” She said, poking him in the side again with extra vigor.
She was vicious, for someone who's only recreational Sport was soccer, her upper body strength shouldn't be so good.
He quickly pulled his jacket off and yanked the black sweater he had been wearing over his head leaving him in just his faded and worn undershirt he hadn't intended for anyone else to bear witness too. From the sofa Max let off a loud wolf whistle, Eddie flipped her the bird, but he couldn't help glancing to see what Steve's reaction was. From beneath his flop of hair Steve's eyes were fixed on Eddie, and under his gaze Eddie felt himself starting to heat up.
“You've been defiling yourself with the devil's sacrament again?” Robin asked, grabbing his wrist. It shook him from whatever fleeting vision of possible interest he thought he had seen in Steve's eyes as Robin twisted his arm. She held on as she looked closer at his new tattoo. “Either Jeff is getting better with his little pricks, or you put on your big boy pants and went to a professional.”
“Ha ha hilarious.” Eddie said, trying to shake his arm free. “Me and Gareth went to Indi when he was back for Thanksgiving.”
“It's a bit morbid isn't it? Doubling down on the bats?”
“Robin, leave him alone. Come here and help me with this will you?” Steve shouted from across the room. But Robin was more interested in making fun of Eddie, after all she hadn’t seen him since she went away at the beginning of fall, she must be champing at the bit to bring him down a peg or two.
“You can just tell me it looks metal as hell if you like Bucks, you won’t lose any brownie points over it.” Eddie said, tugging his arm back.
“Never said it wasn’t cool, Munson. I just said it was morbid, I mean didn’t they technically kill you?”
“And technically Stevie boy brought me back to life, should I have tattooed a picture of the boy wonder on my arm? I could have gotten him in that nice little sailor outfit the two of you used to wear-” Robin punched him, hard in the shoulder. Her penchant for physical violence making itself known.
“Rob’s for fuck’ sake!” Steve piped up from behind them, as the tree crashed to the ground. The baubles scattering far and wide.
“Sorry! Sorry!” Robin said, rushing to help Steve get the Christmas tree back on its stand straight.
“What was all that about?” Dustin asked as he started scooping the ornaments from the rug, throwing them into the box they had come from.
“Nothing, tree was just too awkward to hold on my own and Robin abandoned me to beat up Eddie, instead of helping.” Steve grumbled, shooting Robin death glares.
Robin wasn’t showing any sort of remorse, holding the tree and watching as Eddie finally pulled on his Christmas sweater.
“None of you are fit to decorate this fine specimen, everyone knows you put the enormous balls near the bottom and you always decorate the ample behind.” Eddie said walking over and hooking a fat red bauble out of the fallen mess, he got close to Steve as he deliberately pressed close to get to the back of the tree, nudging Steve’s ass as he passed. God how had he not noticed just how loaded his flirting really had been getting.
“So, are you talking about personal experience then?” Steve asked, as Eddie hooked his ornament in place.
“Wouldn’t you like to know, big boy.” Eddie teased, surprised to see the tips of Steve’s ears flushing red. Was that a recent occurrence? Has that happened before? Eddie really hadn’t been looking, but now he was and it was something he was determined to investigate further.
Around them the kids had peeled off and were now diving into the hot chocolate that Steve had left on the table. He knew that their interest in actual manual labor would only last as long as it took for candy and chocolate to get involved.
Robin grabbed the discarded box of ornaments and divided her haul as the three of them worked quietly, Eddie acutely aware of every time his and Steve’s hands brushed his as they dressed the branches or maneuvered around the other.
Now Eddie was looking for it, it was surprising how often he and Steve casually touched. A hand to the bottom of his back, Steve leaning up tight against him the long line of his chest curving into Eddie’s back as he stretched to put the smaller ornaments towards the top of the tree.
Eddie was almost certain that Steve was lingering in his space more than normal, he could feel Robin watching them. It felt like he was under a microscope far worse than any time the kids had tried to trip him up and get the juicy details of his next campaign.
Every time he caught her looking he would be met with the smug ‘ I know something you don’t know’ look that she had learned from Erica and honed under Steve’s careful guidance.
“Have I got something on my face?” He asked as he hooked a small robin on the branch in front of her. “It’s rude to gawk you know, I might start getting the wrong sort of ideas about you Bucks,”
“I would rather gut myself and use the entrails to summon a demogorgon than look at you in any way that wasn’t just platonic you weirdo.” She straightened up the ornament, glancing over to where Steve had just stuck his head in one of the old Family Video shipping boxes to hunt out the remnants of last year's tinsel. “Which is more than I can say for you and Mr. Bubble butt.” She stage whispered as she lent into his space.
Eddie shot a glance over at the table where the kids had gathered, too busy fighting over the toppings for the Christmas cookies that Will had just gotten out of the oven, to pay much attention to what was happening over by the tree.
“Just because Steve… is … you know… doesn’t mean that he’s going to fawn about like a damsel in distress around any guy with a pulse.” Eddie chided under his breath.
“Never said he was. He might be a dingus, but he’s a dingus with standards. I wasn’t talking about him. I was on about you, what’s gotten into you tonight, you're normally a lot more covert when you’re scoping out the Harrington goods.” Robin goaded, “You can’t seriously think you're being subtle about it.”
Eddie tried to defend himself but he couldn’t exactly deny that he had just seconds before been staring at Steve’s ass in his stupid skin tight Levi, he opened his mouth to protest but nothing came out. He couldn't lie to Robin, she was too clever for subterfuge.
“It is a bubble butt, “ he settled on in lieu of finding a way to address her observations.
“That you can’t stay away from apparently. You don't have to say anything, but you know, if you need to talk about it, I don’t really share a brain with him you know?” Robin said quietly with a shrug.
“Thanks Robin,” he said earnestly.
“You looking for Narnia at the bottom of that box Steve?” Robin yelled suddenly, breaking whatever heartfelt moment the two of them were having.
“I can think of better ways to come out of the closet Robs’, ones that don't involve candy that tastes like perfume.” Steve said as he emerged from his quest, hands full of tinsel and fairy wire .He beckoned Dustin and Erica over to add it to the tree. No matter how much Steve liked to pretend he didn’t have favourites, Eddie knew better. They ignored him completely of course, too involved in debating who deserved the cookie that had come out of the oven looking comedically phallic shaped.
“Come on, let's deck this baby and then see if they have left us any cock cookies to decorate.” Eddie said, reaching out to grab a handful of shredded silver.
“Right after we dick the halls?” Steve asked as he tried to hide a bald patch with some of the silver and red tinsel.
“Well, you have to, right before you jingle balls, especially if you want a white christmas…” Eddie reasoned, taking extra joy in the way that Robin gagged before throwing a plastic baby Jesus at him.
Eddie watched as Steve and Robin started lobbying clumps of glitter at each other laughing and giggling like little kids, although they managed to avoid hitting the tree in their play fight thankfully, Eddie wasn't convinced he had it in him to decorate the thing again.
It made his heart happy to see Robin and Steve like this, screwing about and looking the fool with his best friend.
Could Eddie deal with it if this was all he got to have?
Maybe he was confusing friendship for love, after all Steve had made the same mistake when it came to Robin. Finding answers on a bathroom floor was all well and good but Eddie didn't think that would work the same between him and Steve.
Maybe he would be lucky. Maybe he would get to hold on to this. To feel like he was part of something good, even when Steve’s other half joined them. Eddie was sure more than ever that nobody could be On the receiving end of one of Steve's longing looks and not cave in at the first flutters eyelid , still he dreaded the day a forth wheel joined them.
He didn't have much time to wallow in his own self pitty, soon he had a face full of tinsel and he was drawn into the fray.
*******
It was getting dark when they finally got all the decorations in place, the kids had decided that now the complicated bit of untangling the mess off lights and cleaning up the deluge of pine needles was tackled by the ‘older kids’ (Eddie refused to let anyone call him an adult) they would all join in, fighting over who got to put the star on the top of the tree.
“Technically, it should be Steve, I mean it is his house.” Max reasoned, glaring at Dustin who was currently in possession of the shiny metal adornment. The man in question glared at her before handing it over to Steve.
“How generous.” Steve snarked, as he turned to the tree and reached up to tuck the star in its rightful place.
“Hey Steve?” Dustin asked.
“Okay, okay …I’ll let you turn the lights on,” Steve said exasperated.
“No, I mean yes I want to turn the lights on. But this isn’t about that. When did you get a tattoo?” Dustin asked, reaching out and grabbing Steve’s right arm, pushing the sleeve of his sweater up to look at the skin underneath.
You could hear a pin drop, Eddie didn’t think he had ever known the kids be this quiet ever, all eyes drawn to where Dustin was holding Steve’s arm out for inspection.
Silently someone turned on the fairy lights, giving everyone a clear view of the six highly stylized bats on the inside of his right arm.
That was when all hell broke loose.
“Right. Everyone just be quiet.” Robin yelled over the commotion. “Everyone out … not you Eddie.” she added, pushing him towards Steve.
“But presents…” someone complained, probably Dustin, Eddie didn't have it in him to look away from the damning evidence illuminated in reds and greens.
“The purple bag is all the kids’ presents from me,” Eddie said, not looking up. He knew all eyes were on him and Steve and for the first time ever he really didn't want to be the center of attention.
“Yeah, that one with a snowman on has mine in, dish them out between you.” Steve waved his hand in the general direction of the pile of gift bags on the sideboard.
Eddie traced the movement, yup that was definitely his tattoo etched on Steve's skin.
Fuck.
Eddie didn’t know what was happening around him other than Robin was ushering the kids out of the door as fast as humanly possible. He could hear Dustin huffing at being made to leave, but he also heard Robin threatening to expose his deepest darkest secrets if he didn't get a move on.
Any other time that would have piqued Eddie's curiosity, but right now he couldn't make sense of anything enough to form any coherent thought.
“Call me if you need me.” Robin yelled as she slammed the door behind her.
“Alright-” “Okay” Both of them shouted after her. To be fair, she could have been speaking to either of them, but Eddie had a feeling she meant both.
The house was calm now. The crackling sound of the old and lightly scratched Christmas record accompanying the popping of the logs on the fire.
It had been a long time since a silence between him and Steve had felt awkward, but Eddie wasn’t sure how to fill this one. It stretched, and he ached to fill it but his mind was racing, trying to patch together everything that had happened to him since spring break of ‘86. It was as if the tiny bit of string that had been holding the box of his realisation closed had just frayed and the box had split at the seams. Leaving him to wade through the deluge of information in a new light.
“So,” Eddie started eventually, when the quiet became too much.
“So,” Steve echoed back.
“Robin’s kind of right. It is a little morbid.” Eddie nodded at Steve’s arm, chancing a step forward to get a better look. It wasn’t ink under his skin, it was dark red, almost black, but fading at the edges.
It was fading at least, Eddie felt guilt building up, Steve had enough scars, he didn’t need more, no matter how temporary this blip on his skin was.
“Yeah, well, I was expecting it to have disappeared by now, but apparently you have a habit of sticking around.” Steve huffed.
It had been almost four weeks, and the bats on Steve’s arms looked like they were fresh. He looked like he wanted to say more, but bit his lip trying to hold back the words. He stepped back, pulling his sweater back down over his hands.
“Trust Dustin to be observant for the first time in his life.” He said, but his voice sounded distant, like he was on the verge of tears.
“If you want to leave, I wouldn’t blame you.” Steve said as he turned his attention to the tree, fiddling with one of the paper stars that hung on the nearest branch.
“Like I said yesterday, The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one.”
Eddie really wished that Steve would look at him. He might have hidden away the newest scar under the sleeves of his sweater, but Eddie could see the silver markings tracing round his neck as they flecked red and green in the shimmer of the Christmas lights.
He instinctively brought his hand up to his own neck, tracing his own scar, the way it twisted up into the the back of his hairline and up behind his ear. Steve’s was similar but just how similar?
They had both grown their hair out to hide the worst of it so it was well hidden but…
Curiosity got the better of him, reaching out he gently brushed the hair from behind Steve’s left ear, tracing the end of the scar his fingers swooped up behind and into Steve's hairline. An almost perfect copy of Eddie's second most dangerous wound.
Under his touch Steve froze, but his fingertips betrayed Steve’s heart. The pulse thrummed through his skin at a rapid rate, making Eddie’s heart want to chase and match the rhythm.
“You do know that quoting nerd shit at me is going to have the opposite of a negative effect on me right?” He asked, hoping that for once Steve would just see through his words.
“Stevie? Yesterday you said…” Eddie trailed off, yesterday Steve had said a lot of things.
Eddie had become overly very familiar with them all in the last twenty four hours.
But the shining factoids that were barreling around his mind at a billion miles a second, causing galaxy’s to implode and die as fast as they were born, were this:
Steve liked men.
Steve had found his soulmate.
Steve had feelings for his soulmate that he thought were not returned.
Eddie liked men.
Eddie may well have found his soulmate, right under his nose and in plain sight.
Eddie definitely had feelings for Steve, it was very much returned.
“I hadn’t… I didn’t…” Eddie was lost for words, a rare occurrence, normally he had way too many words and nothing to do with them. But finding the right ones here, so as not to screw this up, felt like he was pushing a boulder uphill and the landslide of destruction was fighting him every step of the way.
“Steve… in the car… you said he was oblivious. I… I… was oblivious.”
“Yeah well, surprise.” Steve said weakly, almost on the edge of tears. “I’m your soulmate, sorry it's not some metal chick with huge tits that loves all your nerd shit.” He tried to pull away from where Eddie held him, but a simple tug at the base of Steve’s hair stopped him in his tracks.
“You are perfectly nerdy, and you have fantastic boobies Harrington, You also happen to be several chapters ahead in this book we call life. You gotta let me catch up, I only found out I was allowed to like guys and girls yesterday. The old grey matter isn’t what it used to be. I’m processing a lot.”
Steve turned to look at him, pressing his cheek into Eddie’s open hand, Eddie’s fingers still tracing the twisting scar tissue. The move felt familiar, even if Eddie was sure they had never done this before, a calm settling through him like thick toffee in his veins.
“And do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Like guys as well?” Steve sounded so hopeful that Eddie was sure he wasn’t going to get shot down from a great height. Steve had Eddie’s marks all over him and Eddie had just been to stupid to see what was staring him in the face all this time.
Eddie wanted to see Steve smile again, catch that starlight from the tree sparkling in his eyes rather than in his tears.
“I like you Steve. And I like you a lot. But you're not just any guy are you? You’re you, and apparently the universe thinks I’m good enough to make you happy.”
“And you do Eds, nobody else has ever made me laugh so hard I want to puke. Or at least nobody ever made me laugh so much I split my stitches. Nobody else has stupidly dived head first into danger with a hero complexion just to put me first.” He shot Eddie a loaded look as if to say ‘ am I wrong?’ and Eddie couldn’t argue the facts. “Someone's gotta keep saving your life. If fate says it’s me, who am I to argue?” Steve said with a wet sniffle, yet the smile was starting to creep back on his face. Eddie carefully wiped away the tears that had dropped to Steve’s cheeks with the sleeve of his Christmas sweater.
“Fate could have clued me in a little bit sooner,” Eddie said, chancing a step closer to Steve, pushing Steve’s sleeve up and run his fingers over the bats, curling behind them he traced his fingers over the raised scar they both shared from luring away the demodog from Max’s hospital room. A shared sacrifice, a decision made together. Was that the point this had taken hold?
Just how long had the two of them been entwined like this?
As if reading Eddie’s mind Steve took his free hand and lifted it to Eddie’s neck pressing gently at the left of his adams apple.
“It was such a tiny nic, I don’t think you even noticed it, but the bottle was pretty sharp when you pressed it to my neck. I felt it then, the first spark of something, an adrenaline rush pulsing under my skin like electricity. Dad had tried to explain it to me before, but I wrote it off as a load of bullshit. But there you were, living proof that the shit dad pedals for a living was actually true. But you were so scared and so stressed that I don’t think you even registered the scar showing on your skin, let alone the elevated heart rate and the scar had faded by the time we jumped in the lake.”
“The boat house? That’s where the bond happened?”
“Yeah, and I thought you were such an asshole, it had to be some cosmic joke. A twisted mistake, that Eddie Munson was my soulmate. But then you dived into the lake after me, and you kept just knowing what I was thinking when we were in the Upside Down. It was like you knew exactly what I was going to say and do even when I wasn't sure myself. Then I couldn’t believe you would run into danger to keep Dustin safe. To keep me and the others safe, when you hardly knew us.” Steve said, inching his way more into Eddie’s space. “Only my stupid ass soulmate would go being a hero when he had been told in no uncertain terms not to do that. ‘Cause that’s exactly what I would have done too”
Realization dawned on Eddie like the sun coming out from behind the darkest of rain clouds. It had been Steve’s voice he had followed back from the brink of death.
“It was you, you called me back.”
“Yeah, well Dustin worships you dude. I couldn’t just let you go and die on me.”
“Oh, so you only saved me so you didn’t have to be a single father, I understand.”
“No you dipshit, I saved you cause you slipping away was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. And I’ve had several concussions and had part of my stomach sewn back together in a field hospital.”
“You say the most romantic things baby.” Eddie said with a grin, “Intestines are sexy.”
“You are so weird.” Steve said with a smile, his thumb stroking the length of Eddie’s matching scar.
“You’re the weird one that keeps saving me with your creepy soulmate powers, don’t go blaming-” Steve cut him off, shoving his hand over Eddie’s mouth and rolling his eyes with a sniff, the last of the tears now gone. It took everything in Eddie’s power not to lick his palm.
“And I would save you a million times more, because for some insane reason I’m extremely glad the fates decided you’re my other half, even if you are a feral racoon of a man.”
“Mmnsnatmuccun”
“What?” Steve asked, removing his hand.
“I said, I’m not a raccoon.” Eddie answered, letting himself be brave and pulling Steve towards him by his waist.
“I’ve seen you eat from the trash dude, definitely raccoon behaviour.” Steve said with a smirk. Letting himself be pulled in.
“It was one peanut butter cup, and the bin was brand new.” Eddie said in his defence, “Anyway I think that says more about you than it does me, I mean you’re the one who wants to kiss someone who ate something out of the trash.”
“Well you did say I was weird,” Steve reasoned as he lent in closer, “But you're right. I really want to kiss you Eddie, I have done for a long time.”
“Then we better make sure we aren't about to be invaded by little green men from Mars, ‘cause I really want to kiss you-” This time Steve cut him off with his lips. Eddie definitely liked it a lot better than the palm of his hand.
It was a sweet thing, tentative in a way Eddie hadn’t been expecting, but it felt different to every other kiss he’d had to date, the gentle thrum of belonging radiating from the soft press of Steve’s lips to his own.
Steve’s hands twist up into his hair, grounding him and deepening the kiss, pulling and pushing against each other until Eddie could taste the chocolate on Steve’s tongue and feel his body pressed hard against him.
It was all too much and not even a tiny bit enough.
All too soon Steve broke the kiss, his soft breath ghosting Eddie’s lips as he started to pull away.
“Nope, get back here.” Eddie muttered pitifully, pulling Steve back towards him. “Just so we're on the same page.If you look up the words oblivious, scared and idiot they all have my name next to them in the dictionary. Right under the entry that Robin has edited to deem me pathetic.”
“How would you know? You don’t know how to use a dictionary, that's why dad keeps telling you he will get you an editor.” Steve said with a chuckle, moving to pull Eddie closer.
“Don’t you start sweetheart.” Eddie softly scalded. “I can say no to your dad. But you start batting eyelashes at me and I’m done for.”
“He’s just looking out for you… for us.” Steve said bashfully. “He’s practically married us off already if you hadn’t guessed.”
Suddenly Mr. Harrington’s fumbling words made more sense, the insistence that he wanted to help Eddie in his writing career, the way he hadn’t battered an eyelid that first time Eddie had sauntered downstairs scars out in search of caffeine.
“How long has your dad known?” Eddie asked wearily, aware that he may well be the last person to have picked up on the glaringly obvious.
Steve itched at the scar on his neck, and now that Eddie knew they were connected, he could feel the ghost of it on his skin. Just how many nights had Steve been lying awake thinking of him, because the tingling was like a hug as it washed through him.
“Since you were in a coma the first time? ” Steve said sheepishly, “I swear other than Robin I didn’t mention it to anyone else… If you didn’t want me I didn’t want to become a pity case. Have you seen Dustin aim for sympathy? It’s like watching a muppet show real emotion, it makes me uncomfortable.”
“Of course you told Robin, I wouldn’t expect anything else, at least that explains why you got all weird whenever I brought up your soulmate” Eddie wasn’t sure how to process the fact that Mr. Harrington had known about this since 86 and had managed to keep his mouth shut about the whole thing since then.
“But Still. How did your dad know?”
Steve looked at Eddie dumbfounded, “Eddie, did you ever look to see who wrote the books you have been hoarding in your dragon cave? The ones about soulmates that you think nobody but you knows about?”
Eddie had not in fact looked, not even once, but now he was questioning if that was a major oversight on his behalf.
“Dad has been doing research and writing about Soulmates for the best part of twenty years now,” Steve said, pulling him in from the waist this time, taking the lead. “I was confused, because up until that point, I hadn’t really thought that my soulmate could be a man, let alone someone I thought was the very definition of straight. Turns out fate, just like my parents, doesn't really give a shit if I love another dude, just as long as it makes me happy.” Steve laughed. “And just so you know, him and Uncle Wayne have been plotting behind your back, I think I get you for like … two pigs and a packet of magic beans.”
“Wayne knows?”
“He has his suspicions.” Steve admitted. And yeah maybe Wayne did suspect something, his old man knew him better than he knew himself.
But now Eddie knew what he wanted, understood all the strange feelings in the pit of his stomach and the way his heart raced now was all down to the man who was holding him like he was something precious.
“Wayne knows to barter better than that, I’m worth at least three chickens, a pig and a cow, the only beanstalk I’ll be climbing at any point is you,” Eddie said with a flirty wink.
“Speedrunning the whole bisexual thing are we?” Steve gulped.
“I'm Stevesexual, If that isn’t a thing?” He asked, "I'm making it a thing.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works, baby.” Steve said , and that baby tugged at the part of his brain marked horny and flicked a few switches for good measure.
“Is it not in one of your dad’s books?”
“If it was, you would have found it by now.” Steve said as he lent in and stole another kiss. Eddie’s heart sped up, this was what he had been missing, this was the thing he had been searching for not knowing that he had already found it.
“Another disclaimer,” Eddie said when they broke apart. “I was in love with you before I found out you were my soulmate, so don't think this is all just because it's something I think the universe wants from me.”
“When have you ever done anything someone expected Eds,” Steve said with a dopey grin, “I can't even get you to follow a rota, let alone someone invisible forces master plan. Why did you think I was so scared you weren't going to like me back?”
“Well that's just crazy thinking, this time the universe didn't have to help, I think I'd have fallen for you no matter what Stevie,”
Steve’s hands started to wander, and somewhere in Eddie’s peripheral, he heard the record skip to the end of the last song, its gentle hiss accompanied by the soft but hungry sounds Steve was making in the back of his throat as he kissed him deeply.
“You got anywhere you need to be?” Steve asked as he came up for breath, “Or…”
Eddie smirked and tugged them towards the stairs.
“What about the presents?” Steve questioned as they passed the hallway table.
“It's not christmas day until tomorrow. You’re trinkets will wait until morning sweet prince,” Eddie said, ushering for Steve to ascend the steps after him.
“I thought whores would have their trinkets?” Steve asked.
“You can be both.” Eddie said, matching Steve's teasing tone. “Now if you wouldn't mind, I would like to assess just how many of our scars actually match.” He said with a loaded wink, acting a lot more confident than he actually felt. He was a showman after all.
“Merry Christmas to me?” Steve asked and he was honest to god blushing now, how had Eddie missed this for so long it was adorable.
“Merry Christmas to us both, baby, and here's to many more.” He said with a kiss as he pulled Steve into his room.
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girlballs · 22 hours ago
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hi, im so impressed whenever i see you posting stuff about your game dev, and ive been wanting/trying to get into gamedev myself but im often held back by my health. sorry if this is unreasonable or too sincere, no pressure to answer. every time i see your work it just makes me want to make games even more but i barely know what im doing. how did you learn game dev? is game development something anyone can do if they work hard and keep trying?
hi it is absolutely possible for anyone to get into gamedev, even if you're starting off with literally zero programming experience (like i did!)
the main thing is like like. you need to train your brain's ability to take a problem and go "what's the simplest version of this problem and how do i solve *that*" which is unfortunately not something you're encouraged to do by the kinds of resources you can find online by googling about how to make games in the era of Youtube Content Creators
once you get into that habit it's a lot easier to find relevant information since you're no longer asking for gamey specifics i.e. "how do i put a dodge roll in my game" but more general "how do i play an animation and execute logic at specific points during that animation" type questions
don't get me wrong though there IS useful information to be gleaned from just going on youtube and watching gamedev videos, especially when it comes to the specifics of just Interacting With Your Engine Of Choice. you can learn a lot from just following tutorials 1:1 off youtube as long as you never never ever in your life assume that a given person on youtube is doing something The Objectively Correct Way. always be open to the possibility that there's a better way to do a thing
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libraford · 8 hours ago
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Ok so when I'm trying to learn more about world music and its place throughout history, what I think i would like as a resource-
I think it was Encyclopedia Britannica in the 90s had this educational game where you could click on a country and it would have a sound sample of one of the instrument from the region and a little blurb about it.
I loved the shit out of that growing up.
What I'd want now is a version of that interactive map but with a variety of samples of that regions music, dances, and how they evolve through time and what world events influenced major changes in both. (Think... in America, 9/11 affected two genres of music notably: bro-country as propaganda, nu-metal as a reaction to war.)
But I don't know how to actually do that.
There's radioooo, of course, but that let's you listen to limited stations currently playing-and most of them are just pop and I'd want something more in-depth.
Like the stuff of it makes the brain got brrrr, but compiling all the information into a usable feature is an undertaking.
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bats-and-birds-24 · 1 day ago
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Chapter 17: Tim Drake Acquires Siblings;
The tearful goodbyes were cut short when it was discovered that Dick lost the keys to the batplane. A frantic search revealed that the key was jammed into the batplane’s door. Jason felt a pang of nostalgia watching Bruce scold Dick for not being careful with the keys, especially since it was found in such a way that anyone could have simply unlocked the plane and taken it for themselves. 
Jason shushed the part of his mind that pointed out that it was very unlike Dick to make such a simple mistake. He decided that it had been a long day and tried not to dwell much further on that point. 
The plane ride back was quiet as the family looked around at each other, exhausted, yet still tense. Dick’s leg was bouncing up and down in anticipation. Anticipation of what, no one knew. 
Tim was getting tired of this trip. Literally every conversation he’s had so far on his quest to bring back Jason was a painful mess of assumptions, misunderstandings, and extremely volatile emotions. In an awkward bid to break the tension, he broke the ice in the most Tim way possible. “So, I found Jason.” 
Bruce sighed and replied, “That you did, Tim, although I don’t know why you didn’t tell anyone else about your plans.”
Tim’s face contorted into a grimace, he wanted to point out all the ways he couldn’t have trusted Bruce, or Dick, or Barbara, or trust that Alfred wouldn’t expose his plans to Bruce. It turns out that he needn’t have worried about explaining his thought process too much as the entire family became distracted by the sound of soft footsteps. 
This was extremely alarming as no one was walking around the plane currently. Their instincts on high alert, they looked around. Dick moved to a defensive stance as Bruce began to unbuckle his seatbelt.
The steps came from the shadows. Damian recognised her first, “Cain?” He warily questioned. 
“Yes.” Answered the void. “Cassandra?” Tim echoed.
Bruce and Dick were were now both standing around confused. On the one hand, there’s an intruder on board, while on the other, they seem to be someone known by both Tim and Damian, and Bruce especially didn’t want to break the just now being re-forged trust between him and Tim and the new and shatteringly delicate trust between him and Damian.
He gave the signal to Dick to stand back.
Cassandra’s slight frame came into view, “I wanted freedom. I leave after plane lands.”
Just as mysteriously as she appeared, she vanished, leaving everyone on the plane in confusion. Dick moved forward, searching the shadows for any trace of the intruder.
Bruce’s reaction to Cass was simple, “Tim, explain.” With two short words, their usual dynamic had returned. Tim began with her background of being a weapon, there was no doubt in his mind that Bruce had already put two and two together and realized that she was being groomed as a child soldier. “How old is she?” he enquired, probing Tim for answers.
As Tim wracked his brain for answers, Damian piped up, “She’s 9!”
Everyone could see Bruce tensing at the exclamation as it sunk in that he was dealing with a child. The gears were already turning in his mind on how to get Talia to give him information about the girl.
Dick could see Damian grow uncomfortable at the silence that followed his statement. He was probably worried that he had said something wrong, for a child that was raised in the league and taught to idolize his father, anything other than outright approval probably felt like a rejection. 
Dick ran his fingers through the 3 year old’s hair. Despite the small child being unnaturally prickly, he leaned into his touch. He seemed touch starved, which didn’t surprise him with Damian’s background.
The remainder of the trip was made in silence as Damian fell asleep, and Tim opened his laptop to check in on any cases in Gotham, along with going over anything he missed during his trip to the league. Dick was still processing his conversation with Jason, and as logical as his argument to remain by Talia’s side had been, he was still hurt, but then again, emotions were rarely rational.
If Dick was going through some emotional turmoil, then Bruce was emotionally destroyed. Meeting Jason had confirmed nearly all of his worst fears. That he had failed in both his duties to Gotham, and more importantly, to his children. 
Jason was right, sure he was tougher on criminals on the street after his death, but what was there to show for it? The hospitalizations of people who were failed by the system while bad men like the Joker got away with a mere slap on their wrist? The fact that in his stupor after failing Jason, he had completely neglected Tim? Not just Tim, but in fact his entire team, his family? Had said one kind word to Barbara after she became paralyzed? Asked Jim how the city was handling the loss of their Robin? And Alfred, did he even try to lessen Alfred’s load after Jason died, not just physically, but emotionally? He lost a grandson too.
The manor could be seen below, Alfred waving up at them, Barbara in her wheelchair by his side. He made up his mind, he has to do better, for the people who have loyally remained by his side for so long. To be someone worthy of being Batman.
He piloted the plane down to the landing strip. He had a lot of amends to make.
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ghostf1ux · 1 day ago
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5 Times Jason Saved his the Flock and 1 Time they Saved Him: Second Time's the Charm
Day 10: Begging
Words: 5.6k
TW/CWs: Graphic description of injury, claustrophobia, literally digging out of a grave
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 (here)
-------------------------------------------------------
Everything was going according to plan.
Except for one small issue.
It turns out, Jason was not nearly informed enough about Blüdhaven. At least, according to his standards. Dick seemed to think what he shared was plenty, but he neglected to let Jason know that the underground owner of the god damn city had a personal vendetta against him.
So… Jason's a little upset. At his brother, for withholding crucial information. But mostly at himself, for getting into this mess.
What is the mess, you may ask?
Well, currently, Jason has had all his gear stripped from him save for the clothes he wears under his suit, which is just a thermal compression shirt and leggings combo, and he's gotta say, the thermal is really not helping in this dingy ass cold ass basement.
That may be in part of the sweat and blood dripping down his neck, the latter starting to pool on the ground from his kris blade embedded in his right thigh, pinning him to the chair he's strapped to by his arms.
Which, in reality, the chains keeping his forearms strapped to the arms of the chair would be easy enough to escape. They aren't very tight. The issue is more the armed guards surrounding him and, oh yeah, fucking Blockbuster standing at the other end of the room. There's also the issue of his… dislocated elbow and cracked radius on his left arm, dislocated right collarbone, several cracked ribs on both sides, and, oh yeah, the dagger in his thigh. And that's not even mentioning the extensive bruising and other minor injuries from the rest of the night.
Dick is so going to get punched later.
Jason grimaces as Blockbuster yanks his head up to face him by his hair, squinting when the fluorescent light nearly blinds him.
“Now, if I remember correctly, you work with that low-life flippy little blue bird vigilante,” Blockbuster states, like it's not even a question. Jason sighs, then immediately regrets the action.
“Work with is a strong description, Buster. Or Blocky? Which do you prefer? Mr. Bust, maybe?” Jason grins a bloody, toothy grin up at the man. He only scoffs.
“You play at being confident, Red Hood. But you will be how I take my revenge against Nightwing. For my life, I will take yours. But not before he knows that he could have saved you, and simply failed to do so.”
“What, you gonna put a bullet in my brain?” Jason croons.
“No, no,” Blockbuster chuckles, “But you're going to wish I did with how you're going to die.”
“Didn't stick last time, doubt it will this time.”
He hisses as his head is dropped and his collarbone shifts, just slightly.
“We'll see.”
------------------------
Dick sighs as he hears his phone ring, cocking his hip out in annoyance as he looks at the unknown number.
“Can you just give me a second? I've gotta take this call,” Dick plants his other hand on his hip as he glares at the purse snatcher cornered between him and the alley wall. He looks confused, but has the good sense to nod in understanding. Dick flashes him a news-worthy smile before answering the call and lifting the phone to his ear despite the chorus of quiet reprimands in his ear from the Bats. They can deal. “What can I do you for?”
“Ah, Nightwing, so good to hear your chipper voice again,” a painfully familiar voice crows. It makes Dick freeze, his posture immediately straightening.
“Blockbuster,” he greets cooly, motioning stiffly for the mugger to turn around so he can handcuff him. “I thought you were dead.”
“Well, times change, you know that, don't you? In fact, I just heard about something like that tonight. Something about it not sticking but… ah, that's not important.” Dick mutes to talk into his comm as he grapples to the nearest rooftop. Blockbuster keeps monologing in his ear but he isn't listening.
“Everyone, status, now.”
The flock knows better than to argue with his uncharacteristically sharp tone. Each one of them on patrol tonight responds with their vaguely positive conditions. So what…?
“...ut I figured I should give you a chance. You may have stepped out of the way of that bitch's bullet for me, but I'm going to graciously allow you to try to find your ally. I expect thanks for this, you know.” Dick tunes back into the monologue, unmuting himself.
“Who? Where are they?”
“Pity you can't even deduce who you're missing. Is Gotham really so much more important that you'd leave your ally alone in Blüdhaven for it?”
Dick mutes again.
“Who the fuck is in Blüd right now?” He nearly shouts, but manages to keep his voice to a loud hiss. Oracle's keyboard clicks in the background of her mic.
“No one, literally no one is in Blüdhaven right now,” Babs responds tersely. 
“Look for locations of everyone who's ever been there who's even vaguely someone I know.” Dick is pacing the rooftop now, with no direction to go and far too much energy he can't expend in any productive way.
“That's going to take awhile, N.”
“Just do it. Please.”
“You probably won't be able to find him, of course, but you'll have the chance anyways.” Dick clenches his fist so hard the material creaks. “I even put a nice little microphone in there for you, so you can listen to him as he dies. Karma's a bitch, blue. And, a plus side, now he'll be back where he belongs instead of sticking his nose into things he shouldn't be.”
Blockbuster laughs, and the line clicks once, twice, three times, and then a slightly staticky sound comes through. Dick's pacing slows and he covers his other ear so he can focus on the background.
It's faint, but it's there. Breathing. Quiet, slow breaths, like whoever it is is sleeping, but ever so slightly cut off at the end to suggest pain.
“O, how's the search?” Dick manages to keep his tone under control this time, reassured by the quiet breaths.
“All the Titans that you've been seen in public with are elsewhere in the country,” Oracle reports. Dick nods, but his guts twists. He's missing something. He's missing something big.
“He was taunting me,” Dick muses aloud. “He's mad that he died, he's trying to get back at me. He wants me to find whoever it is, or at least try. He would've left clues.”
“Oracle, can you play the recording of the conversation over the comms so we can all hear it?” Tim asks. Oracle hums an affirmative, and lets it play over. Then the active call itself is connected, so Dick puts his phone away.
“That was somehow oddly specific and incredibly vague at the same time,” Tim mutters.
“Agreed.”
“Tt. Is it not obvious?” Damian cuts in snidely. “There is only one who ever speaks of how death does not ‘stick’. Oracle, locate Hood.”
“During his previous check in two days ago, Hood was located in Boston,” Batman rumbles. “His investigation into a drug smuggling ring was proving fruitful, and going well. He may have been on his way back.”
“You don't just bump into Blockbuster, you need to be sticking your nose into his stuff,” Dick sighs.
“I… can't find Hood's tracker,” Oracle– or rather, Babs, now that she's turned off her voice modulator– informs them. “His last known location was from two hours ago, and it was in Blüd.”
“His investigation must have taken him there.”
“That is entirely possible, but it does not help us find Hood's location.”
“I've already tried triangulating the call's location, it's like it's not coming from anywhere. It's untraceable, I can–”
“Wait, guys,” Tim cuts in, “I think he's waking up.”
They all fall silent as the breaths become shallower, quicker. As fabric shifts, as normal breaths turn to pained half-gasps, as small, exploring movements turn to desperate, scrabbling ones.
Then Tim asks the question they'd all been dreading the possible answers to.
“Wait, didn't Blockbuster say he was in something? What the hell does that mean?”
And then Jason gives them their answer with his first words, and it's a whole lot more concerning than they ever thought it would be.
------------------------
It's… dark, Jason realizes, as soon as he opens his eyes. His head is throbbing dully, but it's also a little fuzzy, like he's waking up from a drug-induced nap. At first he thinks he's blindfolded, but there's no pull of any sort of covering over his eyes, not even his domino.
The pain floods in a moment later, tearing his thoughts away from figuring out why it's so damn dark. Burning pain, pulsing around his thigh, his arm, and his chest. The slightest movements make his breath hitch, but the clarity it brings to his mind is welcome. His right arm– the one with the dislocated collarbone, his mind supplies– is tingling uncomfortably. 
He grunts as he tries to sit up, finding himself not actually restrained to anything and–
His head thumps against a hard surface covered by fabric. The surprise of it makes him drop back down, onto what he now realizes is a surprisingly soft pillow.
Actually, he's surrounded by surprisingly soft padding.
His heart and his breathing pick up before his mind connects the dots.
Careful fingers, ignoring every stab of pain, feel along the edges of the tight walls containing him. There's a lip between where the wall and the ceiling meet. It's sealed shut.
“No, no no no no no no nonononononono not a coffin please not a coffin I can't do this again– not again please not again–”
But kicking out with his good leg finds he's surrounded on all sides by a well-padded box, sealed tight. 
His eyes burn as he scrabbles at the walls that close in on him, nails digging into the fabric and ripping it apart only to find the lacquered wood underneath. His breathing stutters into gasps for air as it grows stifling and suffocating, pressing into him on all sides.
He sobs, not only at the pain flaring from every movement he makes but at the fact that he's trapped in a coffin and he can smell the wet ground surrounding him. 
“Please, please don't make me– I can't– no–”
Panic courses through Jason's mind as the air grows thin. How long has he been down here? Sometime, a long time ago, he was told that a coffin has enough oxygen to survive for about five hours. The memory is hazy at best but even if that number is remotely true, how much has he already used up? How much is he using right now?
“B- Dad– mom– fuck, Dick– anyone– I– I need h- help– please– I can’t– fuck– I can’t fucking do this again, please, anyone–”
Only a resounding, heavy, painful silence answers his shouts, his pleas. He's desperate, and he sounds pathetic, and he knows that, but he really just does not fucking care.
As he's tearing apart the fabric above his head, his fingers brush against something near the highest edge of the lid, embedded in the wood. Just the smallest bump, but the difference is enough to bring him back to himself, if only the slightest bit. Enough for the pads of his fingers to gently feel across its surface, making out the subtle criss-cross texture of metal.
“A fuckin’- a fuckin’ mic,” Jason breathes out. He lets out a choked laugh, remembering Blockbuster's words from earlier. “D- Dickie I am so gonna- gonna punch you later, an’ you're gonna stand fuckin’ still with no fuckin’- no fuckin' flippy shit- and- and you're gonna fuckin’ deserve it.”
He grins at the thought, dried tear tracks and old blood cracking at the motion. It's enough to motivate him to use the fabric as a mask over his mouth, remembering what he did last time. He's not going to die here. Not to Blockbuster. Not when Dick, and who knows who else, is listening in. He's done some cruel things but making his family listen to him die is not going to be one of them. 
So he digs his nails into the lid of the coffin, and he rips. 
It's a slow process, exacerbated by the blood running down his numb fingers and the white hot stabs of pain from every movement of his shoulders, but there's headway. He feels his nails be ripped off under the pressure, one by one, until his nail beds are just bloody, mangled husks.
Distantly, he thinks he might be screaming. Or sobbing. Maybe both. Maybe in hysterics. Maybe he's just finally fucking lost it.
He just knows that his throat is hoarse but he keeps going, keeps digging, keeps clawing, ripping away the wood and feeling the splinters become embedded in his already torn apart hands and his arms are struggling to move through the injuries of earlier tonight but he does it anyways because he is not going to die like this because he didn't the first time, not with worse injuries and not with being smaller and weaker and not without the experience of already having done it before so now he knows what to fucking do even if he doesn't have a belt buckle to help him.
The smell of wet earth hits his nose just before dirt and soil comes raining down. He screws his eyes shut and grits his teeth through it, feeling it cascade down over his face and chest as he digs. He pushes it down towards his feet so he can keep going. The worms squirm around him, over him, their wriggly bodies trying to find their way back to their homes. Jason gags around the dirt and worms that found their way into his mouth, but he refuses to actually throw up. Not yet. Not until he's out. Not until he can feel the pitter-patter of freezing cold rain on his face, not until he can see that fucking angel gazing impassively down at the zombie that just came back from the dead, not until he can get a lungful of that trademarked Gotham smog that's probably ever so slightly tinged with fear gas and Joker Venom. 
His fingers break the surface, sooner than Jason was expecting. They reach up towards the sky, where a freezing breeze makes his fingers want to just stay there and never move again because it hurts and he's tired, he's exhausted–
Gloved hands find his, frantically clasping onto them with an iron grip and not letting go. He thinks another pair, or maybe several, are digging out the dirt around his fingers, leaving the rest of his hand, and soon his arm, exposed to the elements. He lets his hand go limp, let's himself stop fighting, stop digging. He feels the dirt being pushes away, the pressure of the earth surrounding him becoming less and less until there's ice cold moisture pattering against his head and there are arms underneath his, hands clasped around his hand and his forearm, the fractured one, he thinks, but he doesn't have the energy to scream, to yell, so he whines, he whimpers, while he's wrapped in something heavy, something warm, but it's too much, there are hands everywhere, they could be hostile hands, so he shoves them all away and blindly scrambles back until he can gag and heave and the dirt and the worms are finally being expelled from his mouth and his stomach. His ears are ringing and his chest burns and his body violently shivers and suddenly the weight is back but the hands aren't and it's just so, so warm so he lets himself get lost in it.
He did it.
He's out.
There's a hand carding gently through his hair. He leans into it. It's comforting. It's safe.
He closes his eyes, surrendering to the pull of that comforting, heavy darkness.
------------------------
Someone on the comm line fails to fully stifle a sob at the sound of Jason's cries, his begging, his screaming for help. Dick himself has long since stopped trying to stop himself from crying, instead he's just made it easier by flicking up the white lenses of his domino up so his tears can run freely over the mask instead of pooling within it.
It's not every day you hear your brother, who is as distant and emotionally closed off as they come, begging through tears for someone else to save him.
To say it was traumatizing was an understatement.
“Where are we at with the search?” Batman asks in his signature distant, emotionally-closed-off voice he gets when he actually feels something. It's the only reason Dick knows that internally, Bruce is freaking the fuck out right now.
He can sympathize.
“I– the line is untraceable, even to me. I've been combing through footage of every graveyard in Gotham, trying to find any irregularities but there's nothing yet,” Babs reports shakily. Dick takes a deep, calming breath, and tries not to let it out as another sob. He moderately succeeds.
“Something's been bothering me,” Tim finally states, breaking up the tense silence of the call. Well, silence from anyone who wasn't trapped in a coffin for the second time.
(Apparently. That was something else Dick was still trying to wrap his head around, but it also wasn't the most pressing matter at the moment so he pushed those thoughts aside before he could spiral further than he already had. He'd be of no help to Jason otherwise.)
“N, how was Blockbuster able to call you on your actual phone?” Tim's tone was clinically detached in the way he got when he was also starting to freak the fuck out. Some guilty part of Dick is thankful he isn't the only one.
“He… knows who I am,” Dick mutters, punching some other mugger he came across a little stronger than strictly necessary. “Out of costume. He knows who I am. Got a lucky hit in a fight a while ago, mask broke.”
Tim hums. “If that's the case, theoretically he would know who Hood is as well, right?”
“If he looked into it, sure, he's smart enough to figure that out.” 
And, a plus side, now he'll be back where he belongs instead of sticking his nose into things he shouldn't be.
The words echo in Dick's head. He swings his bike around to thunder down the road in the opposite direction, pushing the accelerator nearly to the max.
“He buried Jay in his own fucking grave,” Dick bites out, leaning down so he can avoid at least some of the icy rain pelting his face. A chorus of swears follow the words, and probably a collective changing of directions. “I'm twenty minutes out.”
“Twenty-five,” Tim mutters.
“Father and I are thirty-five,” Damian speaks up.
“I'm pulling up the feed now,” Babs reports. “Looks like it was set to a loop, nothing seems to be changed, but I should be able to find the real recordings–”
“A fuckin’- a fuckin’ mic.” Jason's raspy words cut Babs off, all of them going silent when he chokes out a slightly hysterical laugh and continues. “D- Dickie I am so gonna- gonna punch you later, an’ you're gonna stand fuckin’ still with no fuckin’- no fuckin' flippy shit- and- and you're gonna fuckin’ deserve it.”
Dick lets out his own wet laugh at that. “You got it, little wing. We're almost there, just hang in there.”
There's almost a minute of heavy, staticky breaths and a distinct lack of screaming, before another sound that'll probably haunt Dick's nightmares forever comes through. It's like nails on a chalkboard, but worse, because just by Jason's sounds of agony and sheer desperation he knows for a fact that the sound is nails clawing through wood. 
He screams and shrieks and Dick tries his best to block it out because if he actually listens he'll be forced to confront the fact that he's the reason any of this happened, Blockbuster did this to get back at him, and there was no explanation that could refute that. It was just plain fact.
The comm line is painfully silent of all voices other than Jason's, who had completely forgone even swearing in lieu of just letting his pain out in mangled, breathless howls. 
Finally, finally, after what feels like both forever and the blink of an eye, Dick is vaulting off his bike and racing towards the cemetery.
“Cut the cameras,” Dick orders just as he scales the wrought iron gates protecting the property. It isn't hard for him to sprint unseen across the various graves and up the hill he knows all too well.
Sure enough, the dirt before Jason's gravestone is freshly reburied. If he listens close enough, past his comm and the thundering rain, he thinks he can hear Jason's muffled screams through the earth.
That propels him to look around frantically for the nearest shovel, which, of course, is nowhere in sight.
Granted, his sight is vastly limited due to the pouring rain, but that doesn't stop the frustrated shout from leaving him. He just drops to his knees and starts digging with his hands.
Minutes later Tim is there with him, immediately dropping down beside him and joining him in his frantic shoveling. 
“B's ETA is five minutes.”
“Bring a fucking shovel,” Dick hisses, too tired and panicked to worry about his tone.
“Bring several,” Tim amends, his voice now having the barest hint of a waver at the end. Bruce grunts in affirmation, which is good enough for Dick.
In what could been five minutes or two, Bruce and Damian are there with them, carrying three shovels. Dick and Tim immediately take two of them, and Bruce helps them with shoveling out as much dirt as they can, as fast as they can. Damian is relegated to spotting duty so they don't accidentally hit Jay with the shovels.
Which is why when Damian's eyes widen and his breath stops for just half a moment, Dick is immediately chucking his shovel out of the three foot hole and digging with his hands again until bloody, mangled fingers break the surface. He latches onto them despite the pain it probably causes Jason, because it's probably better he knows someone is here regardless of whatever injuries he has.
Tim, Bruce, and Damian all drop in beside him to continue digging out around the slowly uncovered form that is Jason. Dick keeps his hand locked in Jason's, getting a better grip on him as more is uncovered. First it's his full hand, which Dick is more than happy to clasp in his iron grip, smiling wetly when he feels Jason gripping his hand just as tightly. His forearm is next, which Dick holds with his other hand, ready to help lift him out. His hand and arm go limp at some point, and only the rapid thread of his pulse under Dick's fingertips keeps him from panicking further. Then there's a muddy streak of white, or at least what used to be white, plastered within black curls. Bruce is quick to work his arms under Jason's shoulders to help lift him out.
“We've got you, little wing, we've got you. You're safe now,” Dick murmurs comfortingly as they start pulling him out. He doesn't answer, and doesn't open his squeezed-shut eyes, but he's shaking like a fucking leaf and maybe that's because he only has his underclothes on instead of all his gear.
Or maybe it's because he just had to go through an extremely traumatic experience for the second time and is still sobbing and hyperventilating.
But who really knew.
He's partially lifted out of the hole to where his full chest is visible when Tim speaks up.
“Wait, wait, stop!” Both Bruce and Dick glare at the younger vigilante, but they do stop.
“The dagger gifted to Todd from my mother is embedded in his right thigh,” Damian reports. “It is dangerously close to his femoral artery. If you remove him too carelessly, we will have a far greater problem.”
“Secure it. Quickly,” Bruce growls, and oh, yep, that's all fatherly worry there. Glad to know he can still let it out sometimes, Dick supposes. Even if it takes one of his children being literally buried alive.
From Dick's point of view, he can't see exactly what the younger two are doing, but he's getting antsy waiting around for even the maybe fifteen seconds it takes them to secure the knife.
And then they both lean back and help Dick and Bruce lift Jason out the rest of the way. A broken whine leaves Jason's lips as he's quickly draped in Bruce's cape, whimpering as he weakly tries to shove himself away from Dick, away from them all, movements jerky and sloppy and bloody, god, there's so much blood. Each movement makes him flinch, each calming touch they try to give him makes him scramble back, so eventually, they stop and let him have his space.
Except for Bruce, who follows Jason calmly and cards the hair out of his face while he gags and throws up graveyard dirt. He drapes his cape around Jason again, gently rubbing soothing circles on his back. Dick watches as Jason's ability to hold himself up finally gives out under his trembling shivers and he sags gracelessly into Bruce's hold, who murmurs comforting words to Jason even as he keeps him wrapped in both the cape and his arms.
Dick breathes a sigh of relief when he sees Jason's breathing even out and his face goes slack. He lets go of Tim's and Damian's hands, which he didn't even know he grabbed. 
“I– I'll take care of this,” Tim says quietly, gesturing back at the grave. Bruce nods, but doesn't say anything further. Damian follows Bruce as he stands with Jason in his arms, looking so small, smaller than he should ever look, considering the six-foot-two at least and built like a brick shithouse build he has. Dick glances wordlessly between Bruce and Tim, panic once again rising at the thought of leaving either of his brothers.
Tim rests a steadying hand on Dick's shoulder. “It's okay, I can handle this. Go be with Jay.”
Dick meets his eyes, searching for any sign of lying from his little bird.
“Alright, baby bird. But come back as soon as you're done.” He plants a kiss to the crown of his head before he's jogging to catch up with Bruce and Damian to head back to the manor.
------------------------
When Jason finally wakes, it's not slow, or comforting, or painless.
When he wakes its with a violent jerk, brain still having yet to catch up with the events around him, his mind filled with the stifling, still darkness of the fucking coffin and the pain, the agony as his fingernails are ripped out one by one from the sheer force of his desperate efforts to escape it, and he's cold, he's so cold, it's like he's dead all over again and there's fucking grave dirt in his mouth, choking him, drowning him, he can't breathe, he can't fucking breathe–
“–wing? Little wing, I need you to open your eyes, you're safe, I promise,” a voice– Dick's voice– speaks from somewhere in front of him. He manages to tear his eyes open at Dick's calm words, immediately squinting with the sudden brightness of what he thinks is the Cave medical wing.
How the fuck did he get here?
He doesn't have time to ponder it before his leg is buckling and he's falling into Dick's chest, the older vigilante making only the smallest grunt at his weight.
“Breathe with me, Jay. Let's get you back in the bed, yeah?” He gently leads Jason back over to the cot he'd flown out of in his panic, which he didn't even realize was him panicking until Dick had pointed it out a moment ago.
With only a few hisses and grunts, Jason manages to help lower himself back into the cot. It's only then that he registers the other eyes on him, crowded at the entrance to the medbay. No less than four vigilantes were squished into the space of the corner of the room and the doorway, making Jason roll his eyes once he got his heart rate back under control.
“You–” His voice cracks, and he clears his throat (wow that fucking hurt), “– you all just gonna hover over there or…?”
Because honestly he had no idea what they're doing. But he does know that his voice sounds like shit, because everyone's face grimaces and Tim is quick to walk over to pass him a glass of water with a straw. You'd think he'd gargled glass or something, and he can say that because he technically has! Or at least, was forced to eat some. Zero out of ten, do not recommend. That was a rough couple weeks.
Or maybe this was because he's been screaming and shouting his fucking lungs out at some point. That vaguely sounded like something he did recently.
Jason resolutely chose not to think about it for his sanity.
That being said, he gulps the water down thankfully, after swishing the first couple mouthfuls around and spitting them out to get the lingering dirt taste out of his mouth. Because it's gross.
“How are you feeling?” Babs rolls in next, coming to a stop on the opposite side of the bed from Dick and Tim. Her voice is soft, genuine, in that way she gets when she's really worried. 
Jason shrugs, immediately regretting it when he feels several stabs of pain from it. Looking down at himself now, he can tell he won't be doing anything for a bit. His ribs are wrapped, his leg is wrapped (with the dagger that used to be in it sitting on the table next to him), his arm and wrist are in a cast, and his hands are thoroughly bandaged. 
Yeah, nope, not gonna think about that.
“Better than I could be,” Jason tries, attempting nonchalance. By the looks exchanged between the five present, he doubts it worked. Oh well.
“Pennyworth says you're to remain in the manor for two weeks,” the demon brat speaks up, arms crossed across his chest. If Jason didn't know any better, he'd think there was a tinge of unease, and perhaps worry in his eyes. 
“Nah, I'll be out by the end of the week,” Jason replies easily, waving dismissively. “But don't worry, pipsqueak, I won't be doing anything too strenuous. Probably.”
Because who really knows with this job.
But apparently that wasn't the right answer, because looks are exchanged again and now it's making Jason annoyed. Annoyed, because he doesn't want to admit to being uncomfortable.
“I think we'd all really like it if you stayed a bit longer than that, Jaylad,” Bruce chimes in gruffly. His words are firm, but there's a hint of desperation behind them. “I'd like it if you stayed longer. To make sure you're okay.”
Dick, Tim, and Babs all have their stupid little hopeful smiles, Damian is scowling slightly less than usual which is basically the same thing, and Bruce is looking… oddly emotional. Not walling himself off like usual.
Huh.
Weird.
But no way he was staying in the manor any longer than he absolutely needed to. He can already feel his blood pressure rising at the idea of being trapped here for two whole weeks.
“Yeah… no. I'm not staying here for two weeks,” Jason mutters tersely. “Besides, I have shit to do in my apartment. Cases. Work. Whatever.”
Literally anything to get him out of staying here for two weeks.
“Alright, alright, we can talk about it later,” Duck cuts in before anything can devolve into anything even close to an argument. “But for now, why don't we head upstairs and relax? Watch a movie? It's been a long night.”
“I agree with Master Dick,” Alfred announces as he strolls in with a change of folded clothes. “I will be taking a look at Master Jason's injuries before he follows. I believe Master Tim and Master Damian can decide on a movie together?”
He sends a pointed look at the two, who don't dare linger under it and quickly scurry off, already bickering about their ideas of good movies. The other three turn back to Jason, who immediately feels the air get heavier.
“Jaylad…”
“No,” Jason bites out, “I'm not talking about this. Not tonight. If you didn't already know, then you aren't nearly as good of a detective as you think, Bruce. The Pit can't just bring people back to life, and I had to wake up somewhere.”
Of course the hoarse words come out more exhausted than actually scathing, like Jason meant them to be. Once again, he shoved down the mental images into the recesses of his mind, despite how they clawed at the fringes to get back in, just like he had clawed to get out of those stupid coffins.
God. If Jason had a nickel for every time he had to dig his way out of his own grave, he'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird and fucking traumatizing that it happened twice.
“He's right, B,” Babs chimes in quietly. “We shouldn't talk about this tonight.”
“Or ever,” Jason helpfully adds with a glare. He hisses under his breath as Alfred checks his injuries as gently as he can. Unfortunately, it's bound to be painful when every movement hurts something.
“...Fine. As long as you stay,” Bruce compromises, meeting Jason's gaze. Jason furrows his eyebrows. Since fucking when did Bruce compromise? Where is Bruce and what did this imposter do with him??
Jason acquiesces with a sigh. “Alright, whatever.”
And so Alfred finished up his examination, Dick and Bruce helped Jason get upstairs, and he spent the rest of his night watching movies with his family until he passed out in the giant cuddle pile that they all inevitably turned into.
It didn't stop the nightmares, but it certainly helped once he woke up.
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yuurivoice · 1 day ago
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Welcome to the YuuriVoice Tumblr!
A relic of a time long past, with echoes that remain ever present, you stand on the precipice of ground zero. This is where it all began. What was once a Yuri on Ice audio blog evolved into this wild thing we find ourselves strapped to.
Welcome! I'm Yuuri, a voice actor, writer, director, and maker of questionable noises. I'm part ASMRtist, part storyteller, part Vtuber, part smut peddler. I wear many hats, and to my shock they're not as ill fitting as I expected.
This blog is a wasteland of uncategorized shenanigans and information. I have not had the spoons to organize and maintain it in any other way than a vehicle for promotion and answering questions from the community that makes its home here on Tumblr.
You can find me and my work here:
YouTube for all narrative & SFW audios.
Patreon for behind the scenes updates + NSFW audios.
Twitter for more consistent nonsense updates.
Merch and other goodies here.
And basically every other platform you can think of @ yuurivoice.
How The YV Tumblr Functions
In general, you can send me questions through the Ask Box, and you'll spot me posting in the #yuurivoice tag plus additional tags for specific characters and series. That's about the most organization you're gonna get because my brain is capable of just about that much before I'll forget something and miscategorize things.
That also being said, be wary of various triggers. For anything big and obvious, I'll try and tag, but I won't be getting super granular in that regard. This also relates to my brain, because if someone asks "hey can you tag (specific thing)" I promise you I will end up forgetting then the person I said I'd look out for gets smacked in the face. So it's less about "idgaf" and more that in cases where I feel I cannot personally protect an individual, I'd rather them protect themselves and just know my big dumb ass will fail them.
Some general notes, boundaries, etc:
I'm literally just a guy checking his app at 3am on the shitter, there will be typos, I will forget things, if someone makes me uncomfortable I'll tell them
My tone may not always be clear, no I will not consistently use indicators, the best you're getting out of me is a lol or an emoji
My humor is dry, and my tolerance for nonsense is thin
Despite the above, I have had 99.9% positive experiences around here, most folks find me palatable, you may not and that's okay
Do NOT come to me slandering my peers, I have a zero tolerance policy for this
Do NOT press me for content of your specific blorbo
The list goes on, but genuinely if you are just chill there's never gonna be any issue, I am just a guy and you can treat me as such
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Who is your favorite character to voice? A: Depends at the time you ask me, in general I enjoy them all a great deal because I wouldn't do it if I didn't enjoy it. But in truth, Alphonse (and Charlie) are probably the easiest for me to slide right into and that makes doing the work easy. Not sure if that's a "favorite" but ease of work matters significantly to me because ADHD.
Q: When will you do a (insert character) audio? A: Bold of you to assume I know when I'm doing anything at all. I am always contemplating when the next audio for a character will be, but my interests come and go in waves. If you ask me kindly on any given day, I'll probably give you a genuine answer. If you ask this in relation to content getting posted that wasn't that character, I will tell you to go fuck yourself. It's all about time and place. lol
Q: When will the next (insert series) video be out? A: Again, bold of you to assume I know, but also the answer is always changing for every series. BitterSweet and its associated projects are the most committed and consistent I've been with any artist pursuit in my entire life. Again, if you just ask me how a project is going on any given day, I'll likely give you an update. Just know that I heap an immense amount of pressure onto myself, so ask gently otherwise I'll feel guilty and cry about it. Not really, but also, don't test me.
Q: Are you taking commissions? A: Nope, haven't taken commissions in a loooooong time, and don't foresee it happening again, with a few exceptions for fundraisers and giveaways.
Q: I have this headcanon that (insert character fact). A: Don't ask me to confirm your headcanons, I will forget what anonymous message a Tumblr user asked me one day out of the blue and what my answer was. I avoid giving factoids, granular details, etc. because I'll just absolutely forget it the moment I hit post. I encourage you to use your imagination and don't bother seeking me for validation, you should just have fun playing pretend because that's exactly what got us here in the first place! <3
Q: Did (insert character) do this because (insert idea)? A: Any question like this that specifically asks for deliberate information that would lead to a spoiler, character revelation, etc. is not worth asking. While I appreciate that you might be asking the correct question, the whole reason I wrote the plot to make you ask that question is that you'd get that answer in the content itself, not from some asshole on the internet on a Tumblr blog (aka me).
Q: Why did you start making audios/YT videos/etc? A: In 2016, the anime Yuri!!! on Ice was a phenomenon that took the internet, and my life, by storm. I started this blog to make audios for the protagonist Yuuri Katsuki, as a hobby and way to participate in the fandom. Eventually, people wanted to commission me. Then, other characters and voices, specifically Guzma (Pokemon), Sidon (LoZ Breath of the Wild), and Aizawa (My Hero Academia) exploded in popularity and increased my following. When the Tumblr apocalypse happened and NSFW content was getting nuked, I pivoted to YouTube. I began to create original characters to fulfill standard Boyfriend Experience and Erotic audios, and slowly a connective narrative started to take shape, eventually becoming BitterSweet.
Q: What inspired you to make BitterSweet? A: Alphonse was originally inspired by my Stardew Valley character, which also inspired the setting of his audios. Seth was created to be a rival to Alphonse, with a visual novel style branching path for listeners to enjoy if they wanted Seth. However, as I began to write, I discovered a much deeper story between the two characters and I chose to follow that thread over the standard moment to moment experience style scenario. Several episodes later, it became clear that this was a narrative series that wasn't quite like my past work. The themes and ideas largely spawn from my own lived experiences, wrapped up in two pretty boys and their listener as they experience the healing magic of love in all of its forms!
Q: Is the BitterSweet Trio polyamorous? A: During the course of BitterSweet, Alphonse and Boo share their unconditional love with Seth, hoping to nurture the parts of him that have weathered away with time and trauma. This love is explicitly undefined, so that listeners can interpret the relationship dynamic as best suits them, as the trio represents no one specific type of love, but rather the healing of unconditional love. For some that may be best experienced romantically, and others may prefer it to be platonically, or even familially.
The beauty of it is that there is no incorrect interpretation, and every possibility is equally valid. This medium of self insert audio content allows for a collaborative fantasy between creator and listener, and is a strength unto itself.
Q: I need clarity on this specific plot point/lore thing! A: I'm typically happy to answer non-spoilery questions, but also I am actively working on a Wiki that should help folks who need a quick reference for any particular character or story!
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imkazz · 3 days ago
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finished saiki k and i am not coping well
yeahh i get why they said theres no development until the last 2 episodes. because i have thoughts. more than i had for season 2 or season 1.
@peapodsinspace ing because this isnt from discord and i was freaking out with you real time when i was watching loll
cannot believe this is only about three episodes. how is this just three???? im just going to go in chronological order and hope for the best and barely proofread loll
the future talks. ohhh i am ill about the future talks. saiki kusuo has more pressing matters than his future and it kills me every time. because he cant focus on himsef- there is an active volcano that he has always been rewinding time for. he cannot have the time to think about university or a future career until this is all over, which is so unlike me (a normal teenager) that it makes me ill because this is what a normal teenager should be thinking about, not the fucking country that you have to save by yourself. and at least i was so happy that they were crowding around kusuos desk until they started talking about the very future that he has to save, and then i was even happier to hear that kuboyasu and hairo want to become teachers because those types of characters always kill me (despite the fact that the anime also made fun on the fact that it is a trope too) and they are both really good picks from the gang to actually become them. i also enjoyed the quiz game they did to guess kusuos college- teruhashi was the only one to get a ‘hm good guess’ out of kusuo, and his chosen places are literally ‘economics’ ‘literature’ ‘literature’ and the fact that everyone said “thats so normal”in distaste implies that they believe that kusuo could do better. and then THIS.
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and the fact kusuo thinks “maybe this could go on forever…” with a smile on his face???? like my dude you are wayy too attached to them noww..
ok so it seems i might even just. be doing a paragraph per episode. now.
the robot?? i agree with what i said my first watch: WHY IS THE SAIKI FAMILY SO DEPENDANT ON GENERATIVE AI AND ROBOTS. i wasnt sure which one it would do- if it would fool all his friends or if it would be too suspicious for them. but i was dead wrong- it says ‘yare yare’ too many times and it is obviously saiki kusuo in the flesh (get it?). i was growing more concerned (and out of breath from laughing) at all the shenanigans that happened along with how kusuo attempted to get rid of it, showing a bit more of his battle iq and intelligence along with his relationships with the other psychics, through his quick strategizing along with utilising his abilities to help in specific situations, along with the relationships he has cumulated with them in order to get them to trust him and follow his word when serious times arise. not only that, but kusuke gets additional information about all of that along with us the audience because he is also a part of the audience (my brain hurts from some of this stuff). 
then for the battle. i am illllllll. so. for many many episodes, we have watched kusuo try and make plans to avoid his friends in all sorts of situations. but this bit? its golden. he finds a disadvantage from not knowing what toritsuka has been doing all week, and that temporarily weakens him until he comes up with a new plan on the given information he knows and has pieced together himself, and then used it to get his body back. then not only that, he begins to fight without his limiter. and we know its hard even with the limiter!! we watched him struggle to throw balls, and then practice to ensure that he could control his strength. amazing already, but then he begins to turn a bad situation into something favourable especially with toritsuka in the mix. because both saiki brothers are smart af. even if toritsuka isnt of use, kusuke reuses him as a hostage and then when that doesnt work, himself and the limiter (all things important to kusuo). kusuo is able to put together that the bomb was fake because kusuke spoke for too long and he remembered aiuras word and trusts her power. 
and then the battle plan is so smart?? kusuo is able to use his disadvantages as advantages (teleportation doesnt need the 3 minute cooldown), and then purposefully drained his strength to be able to pick up the limiter and put it back into his head without breaking it. he could read toritsukas mind and realised that he didnt actually hate kusuo (i found how this was shown as really cool too? instead of the background it was soft shapes and colours implying friendliness as it showed both of them). he made enough of a friendship with toritsuka to get him not to hate him even after being brainwashed. kusuo dragged out the battle to try and gauge what the cat tank could do. AND HES SEVENTEEN. what shocked me further was the fact that he took out the limiter. which he thought would reveal his powers to the world. sure its an asshole thing of kusuke to say/do to kusuo but he at least disabled it a long time ago. but im more focused on kusuo. he took it out. he took it out. thats HUGE. he really thought he would be letting go of normalcy and never be able to go to school without being worshipped. and he did it on his own terms. i was so happy to see how he was smiling and happy thinking about his friends too.. like kusuo was happy with the time he spent with them as a normal kid. but then he was so ready to blast them with full power after both of their comments lolll. and i also found it interesting how kusuke took off his telepathy blocker when explaining why he disabled it so that his brother could know he was telling the truth. and the fact that they moved past the fact that kusuke made a limiter that completely erases kusuos powers?!??!?! and i was confused when toritsuka and kusuo moved past it so easily but. thank fuck they revisited that tidbit???? what made me sadder was the fact that kusuo wanted it so badly, and yet couldnt. because of the volcano. it was good foreshadowing when kusuo thought ‘move forwards.. theyre right. i should clean this up quickly’ in the first part of the episode and then to have this too.. the emotional turmoil is too much. on one hand he could get rid of powers he hates and yet he still has to save the world which he has been putting on hold because he needs more power. like yeah please kill me now, especially that last interaction between toritsuka and kusuo. like yeah hes fake mad at toritsuka at first but then he has to give his genuine thanks because there was no way kusuo would have won if it was just himself, as toritsuka was a key part of the battle from his new powers to his status as a hostage to the fact he broke past the brainwashing.
and when they finally start planning that trip (callback to the first segment of episode one!!) and they decide upon the place where an active volcano has tried to blow up for four years. absolute madlads. kusuo diverted them at first but its a comedy anime too- ofc they are going to oshimai.
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and everyone asking why he cant go is hillarious too.. “what plans do you have?” “im sure its nothing important!” ‘im saving the world?!’ yeahhh he has to go, because he cares. he doesnt want them to cancel what they think is their last fun time together before third year. its not because his mom forced him. its because he loves them. the cumulation of four years with these losers has made kusuo soft for them.
when they actually get to oshimai, i would have loved to watch their shenanigans. im sure they are chaos incarnate while on a play date with each other, but i really liked how the anime showed the tension that kusuo had. even as the rest of them were having lighthearted conversations, there was always a pit in my stomach as kusuo continued to refer to the mountain and was generally downcast while the group did all of those activities i would have previously have laughed at if it was not for the huge threat right there and despite the fact that kusuo looks the same as always (silent, in the background, neutral face) i felt nervous because he had said so just barely a minute ago and hadnt mentioned again. its shown through the way he allowed teruhashi to do as she pleased, how he would look at the mountain constantly, not say anything mentally to the audience.. it was offputting and really set the vibes. his face reflected in the window, with owari yama right there too? perfect way to end the segment.
i found it clever how saiki used a previous part to help him: the robot. he now knows that nobody suspects anything if he just says ‘yare yare’ and he now uses this with his hypnosis (seen in many episodes, such as s1 ep 24) to mesh together a perfect stand in (according to his friends OOF). and then he uses the clones (from s2 ep22) to help with the eruption (s2 ep13). not only that, his plan is pretty good. he has already used toritsuka as a stand in (when kusuo turned kaido and nendo into stone) and then aiura has already helped him with a previous eruption which he had to turn back time on. it was also a callback to kusuo in the previous episode: no way kusuo would have asked kusuke for help on how to solve the volcano problem if they had not cleared some things up after the fight, and no way would he have if there was no power canceller, and no way if the limiter being pulled would still tell the world about his powers. this is a big climax towards things that the plot has been working towards, and it is a mix of everything: many specific instances, his training, previous lore, character development, his friends and family, kusuos priorities, his emotional stances. they all played some sort of part in his plan to enable time to move forwards.
i was concerned to see him beat up (because looookkk hes just two years older than mee and also pretty oppp) but i was so fuckin pumped that time was moving forwards and he was also pretty happy, given the smile. and the joy immediately left. because everyone showed up, and then to show that alternate universe where things were almost the same but slightly different?? and the fact that kusuo literally told all of them about his powers because he knew he could go back in time and erase all of that? its killing me because he did that because he knew he could experiment for a reaction and then erase it as if nothing actually happened. and it really seems like theres no getting out of it right. his friends saw him, they see the clones, they see toritsuka faking as kusuo, they see the real kusuo holding the ground and preventing the eruption. theres no lying to get out of it. but the same as i thought from the shipwrecked episodes, of course saiki kusuo gets out of it. kaido realises it too and he just wants the truth because he trusts kusuo so much. its been there since the beginning, how much kaido cares about saiki and wants him to be happy because kusuo has made kaido happy, and how much kaido values their friendship. he has always wanted kusuo to remain safe and happy and to be friends with each other.. we see how the rest of them just want kusuo to tell the truth, because they will love him no matter what. and it was shown through the alternate timeline, too, how they dont care about the powers, even if they dont understand, that they know kusuo and know that he has their best interests in mind because he is their friend. and somehow its nendo who is the reasonable one, we have seen him be kind and understanding towards both kusuo and others at so many instances but it is this one that touches kusuo because nendo has always been there for him, throughout all sorts of situations. sure he is dumb, but nendos strength is not athletics. it is his kindness. 
then the fact that everyone agrees with him.. theres no way this is a comedy anime. this is a slice-of-life coming-of-age angst/horror anime which has comic relief.  it was shown through the alternate timeline, too, how they dont care about kusuos powers, even if they dont understand, that they know kusuo and know that he has their best interests in mind because he is their friend. and he knows that even if it is a different timeline, that they would still remain the same in the stance. so he speaks. with his mouth. its huge!! his eyes are shiny because this is absolute confirmation that they would love him even if they knew that about him, because he has given them the same treatment- he has seen a huge part of them that they dont share, and he still loves them, so the opposite is also true. ..but he cant share it yet, not until his powers are gone of course. and it makes sense, of course. if i was one of his friends, i would prefer learning about that after his powers are gone- and this is a decision he is sure about. kusuos powers have caused him so much suffering. while he has many typical teenager traits, he is all in all, incredibly different due to his enlarged responsibilities over himself and the world. sure, his powers have helped him in many situations, but for kusuo, the bad outweigh the good and this has been his ultimate goal for a very long time. while removing his powers will not get rid of the weirdness surrounding him, it will get rid of a lot of the pain and stress. and i was so fucking excited when hairo said that kusuo called everyone over- because we the audience know what will be happening. and it would definitely be for the best, as kusuo really wants to apologise for many of the things that happened because of his powers. 
and then the fucking window.
then this is why im very happy for the watch order to be posted. because this cliffhanger is too much without reawakened episode 6.
i find it so funny that while kusuo has lost his powers, that he still has the ability to break the fourth wall. when asked if his delusions are the same as kaido in middle schooler syndrome, he has to reply with an “absolutely not”. i love how he is feeling the effects of losing his powers. he has relied on his powers as another limb his entire life, and they are suddenly gone. even if they are overall bad, he still used them daily and isnt used to life without it because he was forced to live with it previously, meaning that he would find some use through the disadvantages. i also really liked how while kusuo could very blatantly feel the loss, he could also appreciate the beauties of normal life. actually be able to see his friends rather than just a skeleton, probably have a peaceful sleep, any of those powers he couldnt turn off have finally done so and he has a lot less weight as a result. it is really interesting to watch him try and get out of situations he would have previously avoided using his powers, as he has to rely on his own intuition and chance rather than himself and his abilities. 
but it is an anime, and god hates him, so kusuo is stuck with teruhashi on their project. he sees the disadvantages everywhere- things that normal people are used to but he is not, and it seems like good representation for disability- having something and then suddenly having it gone, so you are only left with routines that are no longer possible because you are missing a key component. and not only that, there are hinders towards kusuos journey. 
he gets a fucking bookshelf toppled over onto him. huhhhhhh???? would you really go so far as to kill a kid for accidentally becoming partners with a girl for one school project?? and i was also confused until i saw nendo- in all his glory. seriously, this guy is insanely good at protecting people without a single thought beforehand (he has to get it from his dad right). and not only that, we watch toritsuka and kuboyasu against the bullies- two people insanely good at beating people up. this is a great place to show some character development- nendo gives a speech to kusuo about how even the strongest can need protecting, and it is shown with how nendo instinctively went to protect him from the bookcase and toritsuka/kuboyasu went to beat up the ones who caused it.. finally kusuo himself can get protected by his friends. because he isnt used to it in the slightest. he desperately wanted to get rid of the powers without fully realising how much he relied on them for daily life. even in dangerous situations he would subconsciously rely on powers he doesnt have anymore, and he even realises it and doubts his decision. but nendo comes in and saves it and i find that very precious and important to kusuo to realise that he doesnt always have to be the overpowered one because there are people around him who still care regardless.
but it doesnt last. he cannot even get used to having no powers because they come back only two days later. the way it was presented was pretty cool, too, with how kusuos hand made an indent into the wall from where he slammed it, to the thought bubble from kusuke. and i also thought the way the dawning horror was shown was pretty cool. the purple and blue spirals towards a terrified kusuo without his limiters or glasses, at night, while kusuke continues talking and says that kusuo has evolved past being human in order to control his powers? yeah terrifying, i felt the horror in me too. because how long had he been evolving for? if hed gotten rid of the powers faster, would it have worked? if he hadnt spent so long on the volcano, could he be normal? was he ever actually normal? was it only recently since his body had changed to adapt? because with his body, kusuo relies on his powers. it could be compared to another heart, or a limb. his body needs powers because that is what they are used to. eyes that see through skin, a brain that can hear thoughts, muscles that are used to carrying boulders.. the list goes on and it shows that he has no choice but to use powers, as his mind has always been on fixing problems using parts of him that he has always had, his own biology has been on that. yeah psychological horror much.
the fact that it doesnt work. being told to live normally and peacefully without thinking about his powers doesnt work. because kusuo is far too used to them, he doesnt even think before using them for the little things in daily life such as opening the door or pushing in his seat. its like a papercut on your finger and only then do you realise how much you use that finger all the time- he doesnt realise it until its too late. and then he continues to remain ignorant until it actually happens, such as clairvoyance and new (useless) powers forming. he is already too used to it that he uses them without realising, because that was his normal. kusuo can also realise this with his dawning terror at each thing that happens with his power, with the foreboding patterns with dark colours and his horrified face. he is trying so hard to deny it because even if there are good things that come with his powers, ultimately, they cause him suffering. but it doesnt even fucking work.
its really sad to see him accidentally use powers, as they come back swiftly. kusuo is trying so hard to deny his symptoms but there is really no use: the illness is back. he teleported home, used clairvoyance, talked using telepathy, went invisible, used psycokinesis, saw through someone.. theres too many to deny that his powers are back. but kusuke asks valid questions: did anything good happen without them? and the answer is kusuo thinking about the bookshelf incident. because there are both good and bad things from it, he had to get protected and was weakened by the fact he couldnt see it coming, but it was good to know that so many people are willing to protect him. but then theres a fucking meteor. its also a manipulative thing for kusuke to do, asking that question and then thrusting a natural disaster upon his brother going through an existential crisis. because kusuo has a choice to make. he could try and suppress the powers even further and live a normal life until the end and let kusuke deal with it as that is the path that he chose. or kusuo could accept that the powers are a part of him and that people will still love him regardless, and make the choice to save the world and possibly never live normally again. and its a shitty situation all around. a seventeen year old should not have to make such a choice.
and yet he has to. because kusuo can hear his friends pleading for help, their fear, their reactions, confusion. kusuo knows he cannot have his father do something of this scale, or let his brother do something like that to their dad. he cant let the meteor hit earth because everyone he loves is there. kusuo was always one to complain verbally(mentally) about shit he gets wrapped up in, but from the context clues and his actions throughout the series, he has shown just how much he cares and tries to help even with how much he drags his feet and complains and insults. because all kusuo wants is for his friends to be happy, and to live normally. but those two things cannot coexist, at least not for long. and then he smiled. he chooses their happiness, because that is the kind of person kusuo is. he has said that he is a psychic in so many situations and for so many reasons, but at the start and end of the series, it is the same ten words.
“so my life of peace is over, but i feel that is not so bad after all.. perhaps i like to deal with hassles after all. yare yare. my name is saiki kusuo. and i am a psychic.”
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thevioletcaptain · 1 month ago
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dear fellow nandermo fans please accept my nonsense-but-also-100%-real theory that nandor started writing a letter to "guillermo" but got nervous because he noticed people paying attention and changed it to "guide" at the last second ✌️😌
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butwhatifidothis · 7 months ago
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Still baffled that Hopes so blatantly wrote Claude as the typical Evil Vaguely Middle Eastern Man set on destroying the Good White Nation for his Evil Vaguely Middle Eastern Nation that is often seen in fantasy settings - complete with him being seen as worse than a white woman who does many of the same evil deeds he does in-verse, even by his friends (should it be the bad ending route of SB) - and so many in the fandom were so eager to gobble that shit up. INSIST that "Clearly A Racist Stereotype" is LEAGUES better than "Subversion Of A Racist Stereotype" even. Like I don't think I'll ever get over how supremely fucked that is
#clyde discourse#anti clyde#like if you ever want a reminder that CIaude plays second fiddle to the other two lords in the fandom's mind here it is this is it#Hopes couldn't be more blatant in how much it wanted CIaude to be EdeIgard's fall guy in two out of three routes#with how they play switcheroo with their character traits#CIaude becomes the imperialistic violent invader who's willing to sacrifice innocents lives for his own gain#and who doesn't give a shit to recognize information that contradicts his beliefs#and EdeIgard becomes the one who always strives for the most peaceful means to resolve conflicts#(just ignore how she's the one who started the conflict like how what everyone in Hopes does - she has her reasons don'cha know!)#like i swear to god hearing all of these people try to sell the dumbass one-note Boss Bozo that is Hopes!CIaude#as ''more interesting'' than his 3H iteration will make my brain leak out of my nose#''what if our first POC lord was a violent evil invader who tricks everyone into thinking he's a good guy''#is not the fucking win you think it is.#like y'all this is PEAK racism. this shit isn't interesting it's brazenly disrespectful#''b-but he's not a bad guy in Hopes!'' THE SHIT HE PULLED WITH SRENG MAKES HIM OBJECTIVELY EVIL LIKE OH MY GOD SHUT UP#there's shit all ''gray and nuanced'' about him needlessly worsening foreign relations WHEN HIS WHOLE SHIT#IS ABOUT BE T T E R I N G FOREIGN RELATIONS. it is clear that in Hopes he either is too braindead to realize the contradiction#or it's just not what he gives a shit about in actuality and he's just saying it is to come across better#with recent reblogs thought i'd post this draft because WOW do people just. not give a shit#''uhm calling something racist is racist ackchually 🤓'' get your dumbass outta here
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crescentfool · 9 months ago
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having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!
#persona 3 spoilers#minato arisato#hc and au nonsense#lizzy speaks#happy international asexuality day to my fellow aces out there i hope you know that you are loved!!! 🎊🎉🥳#i like viewing minato with the lens of him being gay / ace. esp bc it stems from my own experiences so it's fun to look at-#him from that perspective even if that's not what was intended by atlus y'know?#and im sure others have other hcs from me that are informed by their own life experiences and i think that's great ^_^#something that i found interesting while playing FES was how. stilted? minato's animations felt when hugging the girls#you could definitely go with the perspective that it's a graphical limitation or they didn't have time to polish the animations#and that's def true!! but sometimes i see the hug @ yakushima beach + the other hugs and then i compare it to the sou/yo hug in p4#and there's like... a noticeable difference to me with how intimate and close together the hugs are...#that said i do know that the animations for reload are updated and the hugs are much more natural (good on them tbh!)#the other thing is (pensive sigh). the way you couldn't reject any of the girls when doing their social links in FES#objectively speaking i'm glad that they did away with that and i like how the rejections were handled in reload. it feels naturally written#but also a part of me enjoyed looking at the “hey atlus what the FUCK” moment and thought of how to interpret it differently#specifically with the idea of minato having like.. little to no autonomy and kind of going along with the relationship#it kind of reminded me of myself tbh with like going along with the rship without considering what you want bc#it's what others want or expect out of you... LOL. i dont think atlus intended for someone to interpret it this way but#eh i think that's the fun part of hcs and looking at characters with certain lenses!#regardless of how you perceive minato i do think there's something to be said about him being the kind of guy who molds himself-#into someone that is needed. not wanted. but needed. important distinction here.#the one caveat my brain runs into when im like “minato is ace!” is when i remember thanatos exists and i go#“you know what these ideas can exist simultaneously” GKLHFHDFHD when in doubt schrodinger's headcanons#anyway that's all i've had this thought in my brain in awhile and haven't sat down to share it properly until now 👍#have an excellent weekend everyone !!! lizzy loves you all lets all nurture our inner yippee!!! 🥺💙
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icewindandboringhorror · 5 months ago
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
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#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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