#you just want a reason to say dream is horrible and abuses children

[rainy-day-revelry]

As many people have mentioned, Dream is very good about framing things to make himself sound right and other people sound unreasonable. But not a single video or post he has made so far can convince me that he is doing this with good intentions, because of the way he speaks towards everyone else involved and those he dragged in.

Now I mainly picked up on this with Tubbo and Tommy, but there are hints of it towards his viewers too: he speaks to us all like we’re children. The way a parent talks to a child they’re trying to gently reprimand, or the way a teacher talks about a subject in class. He speaks like we would never be able to come to these conclusions without his help and that he needs to guide us through it all or we’d get lost in the sea of information. And sure, plenty of his viewer base are kids, but the majority of people who would be watching this drama are fans from the Dream SMP era who knows all these people and remembers when they all used to talk and hang out. We may have been kids back then, but it’s coming up on half a decade since that server began; we’re not kids anymore. I myself started watching the DSMP when I was a underclassman in high school, I’m in college now. All the people he called the R-slur, the people who were offended and wanted an apology that he took days to properly deliver, most of us are adults. We can form our own conclusions, and we’re not an amorphous blob of opinions and views, we’re our own people.

This is especially bad when talking about it to Clingyduo, especially Tubbo. In his 3 hour stream he continually talks about Tubbo being misguided, and despite saying he has great respect for Tubbo and his opinions he skips context and actual criticism multiple times or, as Tubbo mentions, tunnel visions on one part of the criticism he can target and tosses the rest out with it when he’s done. He doesn’t give two shits about what Tubbo says unless it’s something he can use against the people criticizing him to make them sound disingenuous. With Tommy it’s worse, because when he’s not villainizing him beyond belief he’s using that condescending tone to talk about how proud he is and how he thought Tommy was special, which explains why Tommy felt so much pressure from him and like he owed him his success, or at least that Dream thought as much. He holds his approval over his head, like an abusive parent who just spent hours screaming in your face about how much of a disappointment you are before telling them “Of course I still love you.” It has the underlying tone of “you’ll make up for this slight, won’t you?”

And don’t even get me started about the DMs to both Tommy and Sarah. It’s fine to explain your feelings, but you’re not explaining them, you are blaming these feelings and reactions on them and telling them “You are the reason I’ve been suffering, it’s your fault for all of these horrible things that other people have been doing to me.” That’s not explaining your feelings, that’s guilt tripping and expecting an apology. That’s how long texts like that come across, that you don’t want the other person to be able to interject, you don’t want to make this a conversation, you want to drop your feelings and leave them to clean up the mess.

Dream’s a manipulative jerk, that’s all this has proved to me.

[coolingrosa]

I entirely agree with your points about dream XD although i believe they were six instead of eight…

Also not liking Neil is valid, but keep in mind, Neil only knows as much as dream tells him, since he’s practically banished from their village

and like you said, dream doesn’t comprehend or even know about most of their abuse. even if he did he’s unlikely to tell neil, since dreams whole reason for going into the woods was to hide his pain and crying

neil had yet to meet nightmare, and had no idea what dream was actually going through, i’m not sure why this makes him a horrible person? the people in that village caused him to lose his home, a limb, and killed his wife and young son, i don’t think he had any way of knowing before its to late…

i see people finding him uninteresting and i understand but im not really seeing how he’s a horrible person for not knowing what’s going on behind the scenes💔 he’s a heartbroken man who’s isolated and only connection is..this child 💔for all we know, he probably assumed dream had a caretaker, he may have even thought “nightmare” was dreams caretaker. whatever the case i don’t think it’s fair to label him this way, but i am always interested in your interpretations and i’d love to hear your thoughts on it /gen💚💚💚

I’m not saying he’s a horrible person- but as an adult, there were signs of abuse Dream definitely displayed and failed to notice. Children aren’t good at putting up a front. Hell- I’m sure Dream had to mention Nightmare’s constant injuries out of concern. If he didn’t, it would imply Dream didn’t put much mind to them, which could be true as he’s a kid, but I don’t think that’s very in character for who Dream is- especially since he blames himself for never doing anything. That blame does make it seem implied Dream knew something wasn’t right but didn’t have the words or the comprehension to wrap his head around it (or skull lol)

I know Neil’s past and isolation- but you’d think that would make him even more suspicious with how Dream talked about how much pressure he had on him, or how Nightmare never shows himself but always seems to be injured in Dream’s stories. Nightmare was abused BADLY. I do remember this having to be said due to fans saying it was just bullying, but adults would also partake in beating him. There would be many signs of Nightmare not able to play as much because he’s hurting- further isolating himself that would leave Dream likely frustrated and wanting to rant about how Nightmare “hates him” and oh so “loathes him” b.c he won’t play anymore. Neil, as an adult, should hear that and be suspicious. But he doesn’t do anything or look further into it.

He knows the villagers and how horrible they are, would likely hear from Dream slip-ups that make the picture more clear, but never nudged to meet Nightmare himself. He focused only on Dream rather than being curious about the other sibling. I also don’t think it’s in character for Dream to never talk about Nightmare and say who he is. Nightmare was his brother and the light of his life. His death haunts him so badly that he’s in pain for centuries after and constantly misses that little boy. The balance ties them together- and Dream wouldn’t miss a beat to talk about him. Especially since he’s so young, he’s bound to over share as soon as he feels safe.

Neil isn’t an abuser or on the same standing as the villagers. But there was indeed some neglect done there, no matter how you look at it. He isn’t THE CAUSE of the apple incident or Nightmare’s abuse, but he is a passive force that looked the other way instead of stepping in, leaving the boys alone even more. Just like Nim did.

So, no, I’m not saying he’s a horrible person. But he’s not a good father figure if he only focused on Dream and neglected looking into the obvious signs of abuse towards Nightmare that Dream missed. I don’t think Dream would want to be around someone who did that, or he wouldn’t feel as comfortable anymore. Dream isn’t a single package. He had a brother with him. I don’t see him ever fully trusting Neil again for not stepping in as the adult in the picture in favor of Dream, bc that’s exactly what the villagers had been doing to Nightmare leading up to his death.

He’s not a horrible person and can be sympathetic, but he sat by and did nothing in the face of abuse. That’s why I don’t like him. I get why others do, but I can’t. If he was written better with more concern towards both twins, then perhaps I would.

[inamindfarfaraway]

It's so cool that the Viren-Claudia-Callum foil triangle each have a different approach to the "I would do anything for you" sentiment that they all define themselves by.

Pre-coma Viren doesn't fully mean it even when he believes he does. He says that his loyalty is to the best interests of his family and humanity, but as K'ppar points out in his dream, he keeps putting his own ambition and self-importance before anything else. He doesn't consider sacrificing his life for Harrow until Harrow brings it up. Even after that, he never once thinks of giving up the dragon prince's egg; the belief that the prince was killed is part of the reason the assassins are here and returning him to them might appease them, might at least make them spare Harrow's son, which the man Viren loves as a brother would obviously want. He orders Soren to kill the princes to guarantee Viren the throne. He orders Claudia to save the egg instead of Soren if she had to choose. Harrow, Ezran, Callum and his own child are not worth losing the power of Zym to his enemies for. He isn't willing to sacrifice his power or vision, his selfish interests, but is instead willing to sacrifice the people he loves, which is why he's evil. The promise is conditional. But what lets him redeem himself is that the love at the base of it really is unconditional. He still loves Harrow and genuinely expresses this in his dream, overwhelmed with relief when he appears to be alive. He still loves his children, even after all the horrible things he does to them and the lack of remorse he shows for those actions until his death. The coma reminds him of that enduring love, and makes him reevaluate how he dismissed it.

Claudia is the opposite. When she says she'll do anything for someone, she means it with everything she has. Herself, her moral integrity, other people's lives, the fate of the world - nothing is more important to her than her perceived responsibility to her loved ones. Including what her loved ones themselves want. But she can also change her mind about who she loves, at least enough to see them as against her rather than with her. Callum is her friend, until he isn't. Soren is her family, until he isn't and only Viren is worth protecting. Like her father’s did before her, her value of Soren’s wellbeing has been slipping from “That’s all that matters” to “That doesn’t matter!” People can be disqualified by opposing her desires and ideology. The promise is unconditional, but the love isn't.

And then you have Callum, who seems to have the best approach of the three. He means his promise when he says it and will never rescind it later on. His devotion is both absolute and everlasting. He will do anything for Ezran and Rayla, putting them before his own interests; and he would never consider them expendable. That's great! After all, having conditions of worth in relationships they don't belong in is bad. It leads to Viren and Claudia hurting, manipulating and betraying their family and friends, and such behaviour feels viscerally wrong. They're traitors. They're abusers. Those are serious crimes. Those labels are grievous insults meaning ‘Bad Person’. But unlike both Viren and Claudia, Callum doesn't have the arrogant belief that he always know best to warp his love into something self-serving. His genuine selflessness prevents him from ever becoming that kind of person. He does cut ties with Claudia, but only after she proves to be untrustworthy and have enduring harmful intent toward him, his brother and Rayla, so it's a perfectly reasonable boundary to set. His version of "I would do anything for you" just makes him caring and heroic. Right?

Until you realize that technically, if he had to kill everyone else on the continent in order to save Ezran and Rayla, all evidence from canon suggests that he would.

[updatebug]

I am watching Crown of Candy first time (just finished the Sugar Plum Fairy fight) and I wish I did, but I really just don't vibe with Saccharina.

Like, no shade AT ALL to Emily, I think she is a masterful creation, but I just cannot get on board with her.

Iike, they are all coming from a place of trauma and emotion. Amathar and Ruby have lost their daughter/sister, been betrayed by a close family friend, been exiled from their kingdom - one has had his past mistakes come back on him in the most brutal way, the other had her entire worldview shattered. Saccharina has abandonment issues, children trauma, a history of abuse, and I don't think growing up with horrible nuns and then a band of marauders gave her the bestest of social skills. That's all fair, and I can see whether this is leading them to clash, Saccharina wants the family she always dreamed about and she wants in now, Amathar and Ruby and not in a position to be as emotionally available as she wants - yes at times they are being actively rude, but even when they aren't Saccharina seems to take the fact that they are treating her like a comrade rather than a beloved family member of a personal slight. And on Amathar and Ruby's side, this woman is a stranger to them, of course they aren't going to have the immediate relationship that she wants but that doesn't give them the right to take their grief out on her.

But for me the difference is that narratively, Amathar and Ruby are constantly being called out on the fact that they are letting their grief cloud their reaction to Saccharina. Theo does it, Caramelinda does it (from a politics POV), we get all of the marauder OC's reacting when A and R are rude, but noone ever calls Saccharina out for the ways that she's being rude, or the way that she is refusing to meet R and A where they are at.

Like, after the Sugar Plum Fairy, when Saccharina said that thing about how...'Oh I could have dealt with her but I chose to do something with you' to Ruby, and then got offended when Ruby wasn't immediately grateful. But, like, that's a rude thing to say. Saying 'I could have done the impressive thing you did and the only reason you got to do it is because I threw you a bone' is a rude thing to say. And I get where it is coming from in Saccharina - it's the same thing she did when they first met and she threw that feast. She thinks if she is useful to them, they will love her how she wants. and that it tragic - but no one ever challenges Saccharina on it and says, hey I get where you were coming from, bad execution though. Instead her marauders just act like the others have committed some heinous crime against Saccharina by not immediately fawning over her for saying that.

Even when Ruby does give Saccharina the olive branch and tries to explain her side, Saccharina doesn't really empathise - she brings it back to her own trauma, and how much she wanted a sister. Again, she isn't willing to meet Ruby where she's at. She doesn't really seem to want to build a relationship, she wants that relationship now, on her terms. (Again trauma, but still) but that's just not possible. I sympathise with her completely, but she is a stranger to them, an adult stranger. Who they met under the worst conditions, they're not going to have that immediate relationship that she wants.

I really wanted to like Saccharina and there are moments when I do. But I think if Saccharina was also being called out (And hey, I'm not finished she might be) on the moments where she's maybe being a bit of a dick, where she's disrespecting Amatar and Ruby's emotions (even if she's doing it with a smile, and with over-eagerness and accidental insults) or on the moments when she takes them treating her as a comrade rather than a confident as a slight (obviously not counting any of the times when they are actually being rude to her) I think I would be more settled with the character.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I hate any of the interview fans' arguing over "who's worse" because there's actually a lot that you can discuss re: how Lestat and Armand are both terrible for Louis in very different ways, but one thing I've noticed is that all of these arguments and discussions re: abuse nearly always ignore Claudia being a victim at the hands of both her parents. Not saying that Louis isn't a victim, but he's far from perfect when it comes to how he treats the people around him, especially his daughter whom he knows will never be able to be independent because of his own actions

Yeah, I personally *get* why the issues with Louis's relationship with Claudia were somewhat overlooked in s1, because it is also such a heartfelt relationship and Jacob sells us his love for her so clearly...

But Louis can love Claudia and be a bad parent, and I think this season is going to get into that more. Claudia is the biggest victim in this story--which isn't to say that Louis hasn't been victimized as well (and not just by Lestat, I would add; rewatching s1 reminded me of how homophobic and emotinally abusive Louis's mother was as well). And Lestat! And probably Armand, though I know less about the show version of him as of now. I think that the show is very much about the cycles of abuse and how there can be love within these horrible relationships.

And I fele that there's this strong need within people to believe that relationships are either loving or loveless, when that's just not true. Louis can love Claudia and fail her, and CHOOSE to fail her at points. It's absolutely true that he chose Lestat over her time and time again (.... and I wouldn't be surprised if he does it again this season; and it certainly looks like he's going to choose Armand over her). It's also true that Louis essentially condemned Claudia to an existence that does torment her, however good she is at being a vampire.

Lestat did his part, of course. But he wasn't going to do it until Louis begged, and I think Louis, even if it was only subconscious, was very much aware that Lestat would give him that if it meant keeping Louis. I don't think that Louis was entirely unaware of the emotional imbalance in that relationship. I think that the true triggering force in Claudia's transformation was absolutely Louis, however much we may joke about Lestat baby trapping him. Lestat didn't have that idea, at least not in the show. Louis wanted it. And by the way, Louis could've tried to turn Claudia before he took her to Lestat; it may have been fruitless, but I don't think that's the only reason why he didn't try. I think he very much wanted Lestat to be the person who'd take the blame for that.

And like, Lestat did become this common enemy that created this codependent bond between Louis and Claudia. Some of that is due to his own (horrible) actions, as well as the social inequalities that he was incapable of fully understanding. It's no wonder, and kind of inevitable, but I do think that Louis kind of fed off that bond in the way that real parents often do. To me, Claudia and Lestat have always played off as a very classic toxic mother/daughter relationship, while Louis and Claudia play as a very classic father/daughter toxic relationship. Lestat saw himself in Claudia and hated her and felt the need to compete for Louis's affection against her. Louis put Claudia on a pedestal and refused to see her as a real, flawed person and fell into this imbalance confidante relationship with her... And when Claudia fell off her pedestal, which I think only FULLY happened when Lestat was "killed", he reacted so negatively. Like, he loves her, but you can tell in the s2 premiere that the bond is broken. He hesitated when dream!Lestat asked if it was worth it. If SHE was worth it.

To me, Louis and Claudia's relationship is so reminiscent of this sort of... emotionally incestuous relationship that can happen with toxic parents and their children, but especially with mothers and sons and fathers and daughters. You can see her chafing at the restraint of it, and he responds by trying to "seal" it through these intense vows of love and loyalty, even though he KNOWS that there is a flaw in his thinking, a level of untruth to it. Even if he doesn't MEAN for it to be manipulative, it is absolutely manipulative and smothering. He smothers her and he then puts someone else above her, continuously. He isolates her, and then he puts her aside (close to him, but not THE CLOSEST) when someone else earns his love and dazzles him. She is a reliant source of love, or a reliant person onto which he can project his love, but she is not the FIRST choice. And she knows that. But she loves him, and so, like so many daughters, she keeps returning to him.

Louis absolutely loves her. And I think that her death will be what completely breaks him. I think he'll want to die. But I also think that part of that will be because of a broken heart, and part of it will be because of guilt. To paraphrase Succession, another show with toxic parents and kids who just can't fully kick 'em, Louis loves Claudia, but sometimes I think it's the wrong kind of love expression.

(And for the record, I also think that Lestat loved Claudia in his own twisted way, and possibly still does. But lol, it's an EVEN WORSE kind of love expression.)

[sugarywishes]

Presuming all the Afton Family had survived, what was their ambitions for when they were older? In terms of jobs, goals, things they want to do, etc... And same goes for the Emily Family as well, I'm quite curious to see what you have to say given the direction you have taken these characters in your AU.

God, I'm super pumped up to answer this one, sorry for the late response! (I assume you mean if they had all survived, that the Bite incident never occurred, so I'll be basing the answers off of that idea!) Also, the answers are insanely long 😭😭

Okay we're going back to the regular formula and starting off with William. No dead son = no reason to kill children, which means THE MCI AND KCI KIDS LIVEDDD!! Although his violent urges would still manifest in him abusing the kids and his wife. And also because of no dead son, he kept working with Henry. (Although he'd get more and more sick of him as years go by) I honestly think he wouldn't mind continuing the way his life used to be for a very long while, as long as he kept control of everything, and of course, control of Evan. In the universe where the Bite never happened, his dreams did come true.

Onto Clara, I definitely do not see her staying for long with William any longer, he's broken her down for years and essentially ruined her life. I can see 4 possible futures she could've had, either A. She'd flee Utah and reluctantly go back with her horrible family, seeing as they are the only ones who she thinks William wouldn't consider her going with (As if he'd bother going after her) B. She'd leave and move to a city, probably to finish her schooling and maybe she'll get to become a ballet teacher! (Too bad she never accomplished her original dreams...) C. She'd leave and maybe take the remaining kids with her (I'm not sure if she'd even want to take care of William's spawns, but I'm also not sure she'd just ditch them at an orphanage) or D. Leave the family and have a new one, promptly abandoning her children. I think between her and William, she was more likely to want better romance for herself (in my original rewrite for FNAF, I considered having her in an affair with another man in the midst of Pre-FNAF 4, but I thought it seemed really melodramatic, not sure if I'd bring it back though)

So with Mike, the Bite incident is what gave way to his redemption arc and what made him become a better human being, but because it didn't happen, he never grew past being a total piece of shit. His biggest goal would be however, to get away from his family as soon as possible, so I think he'd run away at 18 (maybe he asked Jeremy to run away with him too /hj) and I think he'd want to make it to California or New York or Chicago (cause yk they're the cool places of the time, do you think he'd want go to Wyoming or something?? HELL NO) I always headcanoned Mike as wanting to be a Rockstar when he grew up, or at least some kind of musician. I don't know if he would've accomplished that. It's up to ones imagination. I can see him becoming kinda sleazy. Maybe he'd get into the party scene and become totally unleashed. Would he have want a normal settled lifestyle? Not sure. Another goal is to try and save his mom from William (he didn't consider saving his siblings, because he thought they'd be fine with him)

For Elizabeth, she'd want to try harder and harder to win her dad's affection, and it probably will never work. I'm honestly skeptical if she would ever be interested in romantic relationships, I think if she would, she'd just do it to fill the hole in her heart. For jobs, she'd probably try and inherit her dad's job. Her efforts wouldn't work. For other job ideas, she probably wouldn't really have many careers she'd want, she'd probably settle for a mundane and 'simple' job like nursing or teaching, or even working as a cashier. She preferred being home than actually working. Maybe she would've become a caretaker for her parents when they got older. I don't think she would've ever been disillusioned from the idea of her father being the best, no one would've stayed to help free her.

Finally, Evan, boy oh boy, did he dream. His biggest goal was to just- make real friends. At least one. But that can never happen to him, his father said so himself! (Yeah, because Evan still lived, William further exploiting and abused him 😔) but hey, I can imagine Evan eventually escaping his family! Maybe he can become an artist, or an inventor, or a toy maker, or maybe he can become a depressed recluse. (I think if Evan had lived, bite or not, he could've basically become the Boo Radley of FNAF). I don't think he would ever develop any romances with anyone (how could he??) I see Evan's future as being very uncertain. Maybe he will get a happy ending, but he doesn't think he's worthy of one :(

Okay moving on from that depress sesh, it's Henry's time! I think he'd be open to the idea of getting a new wife, although Charlie would absolutely hate that idea, (okay Lydia Deetz). Someone to give his Charlotte a sense of femininity she so lacks. Best case scenario, it's some random woman he knows, worst case it's Jeremy's horrible mom 😭😭 Anyways, besides getting a new wife, he'd still try and swerve Charlie into a more girly lifestyle like how his wife wanted. Moving onto business, he'd probably still keep Fredbear's up and running, he probably would've become ambitious enough to sell it off and try to become the next 'Disney' (it won't really work, but selling it off did give him tons of cash!) Maybe he'd still try to cut off the Aftons? Besides that, I dunno how else life would go for him, I'll think abt it more eventually.

And finally for Charlie, she wants to become independent and free and all that stuff. So her first course of action is to do whatever she wants with no limits and judgements from her dad! (That would be a very hard task to do...she could probably end up cutting contact with him) and I can see her getting a career in something that helps people, doesn't matter what it is as long as she can assist people and make them feel better. I don't think she'd become romantically involved w/ anyone either. I'm not sure if she'd stay friends with the Aftons either.

Suffice to say, everyone has a kind of negative or uncertain fate. Probably because I haven't thought of anything good that could happen to them without completely changing everything. Hope this was a sufficient response!

[madisonya]

Ok genuinely like heres my opinion ahem ☝️🤓

Real talk tommy is a horrible person to have as a friend like i dont care imagine your friend being positive in private, yet in public absolutely tear u thru the dirt how is that friend behavior umm. AND WHEN DREAM CONRONTED HIM, IT WAS SEEN AS MANIPULATION DONT ACT LIKE YALL WOULDNT CLOCK UR FRIENDS WHO R BEING SHIT TOWARDS U YALL CMONNNN. Tommy said "fuck quackity" once he saw the Usmp would start, but once he saw dream didnt have anything to offer him regarding views, a possible smp, he switched. Which is so weird ummmm the only thing i like about quackity is how he didnt invite him to the server. Anyways tubbo is a pos too, he is so biased and he is not reasonable whatsoever, which who are we to assume he was or who he claims to be. Hes saying hes gonna be reasonable, then when he isnt, his audience assumes this is the right opinion bc tubbo is seen being 'reasonable' and 'unbiased' yk what i mean?? Hes catering towards his freak anti audience, and so is tommy baha hes always been doing it. Philza was holding these kids under his wet armpit tryna "protect them' bro the only thing u need to protect them from is themselves bc theyre embarrassing themselves out here LIVEEEE LIKE WHATT. Also wasnt he talking with wilbur after the fact the abuse came out, ya shubble get out of his replies girl. Tommy proved dream right, he promoted his tour, book, podcast in a dream centered video. And tubbo saw, and he didnt even say "Man dream was right abt that" like hellooooo he was just saying "OH NO MAN OH NO MAN WOT WHAT ARE YA DEWIN" likeee hes soooo annoying. Everyone treating them like children when this was the age dream was during earlier controversies, yet they treated him like an adult? Just proves double standards. And when I shut my phone, its not that serious. As a fan, its not, for me personally. Some fans might recieve hate, threats, etc. But for dream, it is. His family, friends, himself, and maybe even patchita are being threatened and doxxed. Dream was funny for that tweet, and it only proved the double standards. Likeeee idc theyre doing this all for publicity to get clout, thats why nobody wants to reach out in private. Like how tubbo said "i wanna have a private conversatiom with you, but its gonna be on stream bc u made that tweet public." Like he made thay tweet public cuz hes spent all his time not saying anything bc he was tired of tommys shit hello go talk to ur friend 😭 anyways bye idc dream my fav autistic boy

[fratricideknight]

hello sweetie!! i wanted to ask you if you could give us your take on john winchester ? people have very different opinions on him and i’d love to hear yours.

hi!!! thanks so much for this ask. it took me a while to gather my thoughts, so there's a relatively long post ahead.

i think that people in fandom tend to go the route of woobifying a character until they can do no wrong in their eyes, or demonising a character until everything they do is wrong. this not only doesn't allow for nuanced takes, which should be possible to make for any well-written, complex character, but also leads to attempts to push blame onto characters instead of just... accepting that the circumstances themselves are shit.

maybe john and sam are similar after all, considering the way that neither of them are extended any due sympathy whatsoever by certain individuals. john, who knew nothing of the supernatural, on an otherwise normal night during which he fell peacefully asleep in front of the television, witnessed his wife be psychically pinned to the ceiling of his baby's nursery and explode in front of both him and his six-month-old. that's bound to change anyone. blaming john entirely for becoming incredibly paranoid over and controlling of his children, and not acknowledging the role of, i don't know, azazel? prince of hell? who engineered all of this?? is so ridiculous i can't even comprehend it. the circumstances are absolutely dreadful, and john wasn't left with much of a choice in the ways he could respond to it. not only would he most likely be driven partially insane by what he witnessed happen to his wife, he would also be led to worry about the safety of his children. killing azazel wasn't just about avenging mary, it was about extinguishing the threat that, for all john knew, could be out to kill his infant sons! what do you want him to do?? shrug it off and go on like nothing happened? cut his losses and get another mother for the boys?

as for how john specifically responded to this: he became a controlling douchebag, yeah. i have someone in my life who can be the same brand of peremptory dick as john, and there are times when i want nothing more than to punch john winchester in the face. it's one of the reasons i relate to sam so much. however, not once in my viewing of season 1 before i entered fandom spaces, did it occur to me that john might be an irredeemable monster and abuser. john trained his boys like soldiers rather than treating them like the children they were, but it's not like he did it for the hell of it. he thought they would literally die if they weren't prepared to fight off the supernatural threats which he was suddenly, in the worst possible way, made aware of. john was an ex-marine, which would of course influence how he would go about this. i'm not saying that john didn't do horrible things at times and that sam and dean's upbringing wasn't awful. he did, and it was. telling sam to not come back if he went to college, trying to punish him for having dreams of his own? making tween dean feel bad for not staying in a motel room 24/7 to take care of his younger brother? dick moves. the boys' childhood was claustrophobic, toxic, and miserable, and i do not blame either of them in the slightest for wanting to get out. however, it comes down to the matter of circumstance again: it's not like john did any of this for the hell of it! let me repeat myself: he thought. they were going. to be murdered. moving frequently probably wasn't just for the sake of cases, it might also have been because he was scared that they were being pursued by something.

as for some of the abuse claims that people make. ugh. please stop just making stuff up. if you want to take the idea that john was a monster and run with it, whatever. i don't care. but acting like that's actually canon? you're just shouldering your way into spaces where people who actually want to discuss canon can do so, and that's incredibly annoying. there is no canon evidence in the seasons which actually involved john as a character that he beat his children or was homophobic. they literally go out of their way in the episode 'Nightmare' to show that sam and dean know their childhood wasn't like max miller's. as some people have said, he doesn't need to have hit his kids for their childhood to have sucked; it was bad enough already! as for the homophobia claims. ughhhhhhhh. i feel like they come from a... specific sector of the fandom, who want to take any reprehensible trait of dean's and make it someone else's fault. like i said earlier, woobifying a character until they can do no wrong. "oh, dean can be a misogynistic and homophobic douchebag at times? clearly, this is all john's influence. oh, he treats sam badly at times? actually, sam is the one who abuses him!" i can somewhat get behind the idea of john expecting the boys to repress their emotions on some level; he was literally a marine in the vietnam war, and he raised his kids in the eighties and nineties. he expected them to put aside any issues they might have had about giving up an ordinary life and hunting azazel and just follow his orders. but the idea that he's some queerphobic monster who would beat dean upside the head for shedding a single tear is hilarious.

look at this fucking fruit. he never stops tearing up.

as a final point, let me just address that jdm is incredibly sexy. if you have a problem with me liking john, take it up with whichever higher power or force of nature made him so <3

[checkoutmybookshelf]

...Someone Get Me Back on the Ice

Ok, for a lot of reasons, I was never a competetive athlete. That said...I am Canadian and I was probably 3 or 4 years old when my grandparents bought me my first pair of skates and my parents took me to the (manmade) kiddie rink in the park to teach me to skate. My middle sister and I had skating lessons for a few years, our parents took us skating pretty often growing up, and when we moved into the big house in Alaska, we had a pond out back that we skated (and burned christmas trees--yes, it was always awesome) on every winter until I left the state. And even when I moved back to Canada, I brought my skates with me and still use the arenas and outdoor town square rink in the winter. All this to say that while I'm never going to be an Olympian, I deeply love skating, so when there was a cozy college skating romance between a figure skater and a hockey team captain...it was not a hard sell. And then I was absolutely delighted by this cozy, fluffy, very skate-y book. Let's talk Icebreaker.

CONTENT WARNING: I'm not going to cover much of this here, but if anyone wants to pick up this book, please be aware that it does contain disordered eating, a super controlling/abusive relationship, and a near-death experience, so take care of you when choosing your books!

The very last thing Anastasia Allen wants to do right before sectionals is be forced to share her rink with a hockey team. Then she gets adopted by a bunch of overgrown man-children with hearts of gold who enjoy body-slamming other overgrown man-children into the boards over a puck. It is possibly the most adorable thing I have ever seen, and it is the best possible embodiment of the healthy, non-toxic version of "boys will be boys" insofar as the team just genuinely love and support each other and make space for Anastasia and Lola in that world with care, respect, and joy. I love it so, so much.

Of course, Anastasia is not here just to be adopted by a hockey team. She's also very much in danger of falling deeply in love with Nate Hawkins, captain of said hockey team. Nate and Anastasia are a genuinely darling, adorable couple, and watching them together was just FUN.

Particularly in contrast to Anastasia's relationship with her skating partner, Aaron. Who is--to put it mildly--the biggest most manipulative toxic douchebag I have ever seen. There's something about his and Anastasia's relationship that managed to embody everything that can go horribly toxic with athletic partnerships and how difficult it can be when your dream relies on someone who is actively trying to drag you down.

The super nice thing though, is that Aaron is absolutely the bad guy in this book. Neither Nate nor Ryan (the adorable himbo basketball player she begins the book in a friends-with-benefits arrangement with) descend to Aaron's level. They are there to support Anaastasia. That doesn't mean they don't get angry or jealous--they're human men in their late teens/early 20s, of COURSE they get angry and jealous--but they deal with those emotions pretty freaking healthily, and they don't descend into petty ego-based bullshit. Add that to Anastasia's therapy-honed communication skills, and the relationships in this book are just so well done. Sometimes relationships in romances can get weirdly toxic for drama, but that's not the case here, which made this cozy romance GENUINELY delightful to read.

The side characters are also super well-developed and full of personality, so everyone in this book feels well-rounded, real, and delightful. From Lola to Henry, Robbie, Russ, and JJ, you get to know an ensemble of strong secondary characters in the context of the main romantic relationship, and Anastasia and Henry's platonic love for each other might be the best platonic relationship I've seen in FOREVER. I would 100% read a spinoff novel about those two buddy-ing around.

Author Hannah Grace is a self-proclaimed "fluffy comfort book writer," and if Icebreaker is any example, then ACCURATE. And I cannot recommend this book enough, it was a delight to read from start to finish.

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

I'm just thinking about how Jamie Scott had the most stable childhood on One Tree Hill. It is One Tree Hill so the writers did put Jamie through a lot of trauma unfortunately but I mean in terms of what his parental situation was like.

Nathan had two parents but his mother was seemingly absent for a good portion of his first 16 years of life. His father was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive to him growing up.

Brooke's parents were emotionally absent and almost entirely physically absent. Her father continually cheated on her mother and they constantly fought so Brooke's life was very tumultuous.

Peyton had a biological mother who died of cancer and adoptive mother who died in a car crash both before Peyton graduated high school. When she did finally meet her biological father he tried his damndest to keep her from even finding out that he was her dad and he's also an alcoholic. Her adoptive father works on dredging boats. I believe they're dredging boats but either way his job takes him away from Peyton almost constantly so she lives in their house alone for the majority of any given year except for the occasional visit on his off time.

Lucas had a loving mother which is amazing but his biological father was a horrible evil person. He had the same dad as Nathan so as you can see from the section talking about Nathan's childhood... Dan was very abusive. With Lucas it was a very different situation. Dan was completely absent and then when Lucas joined the basketball team, he started to see more of Dan and started to see more of the abusive tendencies aimed his way.

Haley had loving and present parents but she does allude to them maybe not being the most stable like when she says "Besides, I just really don't want to be one of those moms that's, like, completely overwhelmed and unprepared and always screaming at her kids the way my mom used to be. Oh, it was crazy."

Then you have Jamie. Jamie is the child of Nathan and Haley. Nathan ended the cycle of abuse that had been going on for generations. Royal seemingly verbally abused Dan and Dan verbally and/or physically abused both of his sons. But Nathan made the choice to be a good man, a loving faithful husband, and a present wise and loving father. He encouraged his son to live up to his potential but he didn't put unreasonable expectations on him. He found a way to live his dreams but also put his wife and children above his career goals. He made time for his son and daughter. He's dependable, solid, and wise. Haley is a sweet, loving, and protective mother who would do anything for her children. It's really touching and beautiful to see Nathan and Haley give their son and daughter a life that none of the other main characters got. There's a reason that when Peyton thinks there's a chance that she could die during child birth she makes a video for her daughter and has this to say about Nathan and Haley "But if you ever need a mom-and-dad fix, you have Nathan and Haley for that." Everyone deserves parents like Naley. They are funny, they love each other and they love their children, they love and care for their friends. They are truly special people 💜💜

And, yes, Brooke, Peyton, and Lucas also gave their children great lives. The only difference is that with Jamie/Lydia we really got to see this played out and exemplified for many years. Lucas and Peyton left the show right after Peyton gave birth and with Brooke, we only saw one season of her and Julian with their twins and i'm not sure that year is a good example of how those children will grow up. Julian accidentally left one child in the car for hours (thankfully the baby lived) and also a lot of other shit was going on in S9. But I know that Brooke is amazing mother and Julian despite that horrible mistake has learned from it and will be an amazing father.

In summation Jamie and Lydia's childhood is such a unique dynamic that is not usually shown on One Tree Hill and it's such a beautiful thing 💗💗💜💜

[victorylost]

Parental Wounds

Viktoria sighs as she ponders this subject, taking a pull of a martini. Her parents have always been a horrible topic of conversation, more so her father. Her mother wasn’t without sin, of course, but she was a victim of her father, too.

“My father was a vile beast of a man. If I were a better woman, I would pretend to be the least bit saddened by his passing- I am not. I wish I could have seen his bloody corpse.” Her eyes glazed over in a violent haze as she spoke. She did not really mean that. The mask spoke, not the woman beneath it. No, there was still love there. The stories her mother would share of his family were reason enough for his disgusting behavior, right? Violence was just in him, her mother would say. Cursed by a magical lineage that he protected us from. The abuse, in his eyes, was how you treated children. How he was treated. But that was no excuse, Viktoria thought. If she could procreate, which even as a human she vowed never to do, there was nothing they could do that could inspire her to lay a finger on them. To ever accost them or play a game of twisted mental chess with their hearts.

Her thoughts drifted towards her mother. It pained her to think of her for too long. She adored her mother as a child, but in her adolescence slowly grew resentful. How dare she marry that horrific man and bear children with him. How dare she take his side over hers, time and time again. Coward, she thought viciously. Viktoria’s eyes stung a bit, tears forming. After all, she was permanently stuck at 22. Forever a brand new false adult. A brat. She blinked away the wetness, taking a long sip from her drink again.

Focusing on the good in her mother, she softened a bit in her tone, “My mother was exactly the type of mother you wanted when you were a child. Playful, wise, and kindhearted. Never had a bad word to say about anyone.” While staring down into her liquor, she almost whispered, “I miss her. I miss her more than I ever dreamed possible. It builds every day.” and so does the guilt, she added in her head.

Her eyes filled again as she whispered to her mother, “I miss you, mama. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for my sisters- for you. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.” she reached down to her mother’s necklace, silver plated amethyst home. “Please, forgive me.”

[imaginarianisms]

a few important things to note about our& portrayal of both a.licent & r.haenyra !!

first & foremost we& do Not recognize any of h.otd season two's arcs for them. a.licent would never abandon aegon nor her children to die & r.haenyra's whole sneaking into the royal sept situation nor her "c.ult leader/religious zealot" arc during the red sowing of the dragonseeds also Does Not Happen.

our& alicent is a repressed lesbian, our& rhaenyra is a high femme presenting ambiamorous nonbinary genderfluid bigender bisexual. although the words of course don't exist in planetos, she still feels this in her heart & this does Not make her any less of a woman nor a victim of f.emicide. we& will not accept ooc transphobia or m.ultitransphobia. alicole does not happen. it's totally fine if your male muse is attracted to our& alicent, but just understand that it will not be reciprocated, & that's perfectly fine, that just makes dynamics more interesting.

while a.licent is far from perfect, she is nowhere near as abusive as she is in season two; if anything, she's a "tough love" type of mother especially in regards to her sons. a.licent loves all of her children so much but deep down even though she never wants to admit it, not even to herself, she can't help but resent them, especially aegon, but at the same time she obviously knows that it's not their fault but she's not as horrible as she is in season two. a.licent did a better job with her younger children but that's only because she got more experienced, considering all of them were conceived unwillingly, she had dreams of her own that she couldn't fulfil & she received no motherly instruction, with her mother a.lyrie & a.emma were both gone & everyone else around her with children she simply wasn’t close enough to to be vulnerable & not to mention they were older.

our& a.licent is p.lural (if you want more information on this, go here!) & our& r.haenyra has bpd due to the trauma of losing her mother a.emma so young.

knowing the past mistakes of her own children & alicent's children (& theirs), r.haenyra intends to avoid that with h.elaena's children w/ a.egon & respects h.elaena's wishes to leave her children out of the feud because she cares for her. tragically, during the dance of the dragons & the b&c incident, this doesn't last.

this is a divergence from both the books & the show but alicent's mother, a.lyrie f.lorent, was a hidden skinchanger who used to taking the skin of the red foxes that were known to travel around her family's keep in the reach until she was discovered by her septa & was forced to suppress her abilities & her desire to connect to the old ways of the first men & became a devout woman of the faith of the seven partially out of love for her husband otto hightower & partially out of fear that she'd be damned; alicent only finds this out years later as an adult during the dance of the dragons. the skinchanger gene skipped a generation & her granddaughter, helaena inherited her skinchanging ability from both the hightowers & the florents, the first skinchanger in the targaryen line. because of this, i& portray alicent (& helaena & aemond by extension) as white seeming indigenous coded, disconnected from their indigenous culture. while it isn't a major part of their storyline, at least not for a.licent or a.emond, it does play more of a role in h.elaena's portrayal & is more of a backdrop in their story, but still important nonetheless. i'm Not saying that if you portray one of alicent's children or relatives that you do this, too, but i Do ask that you just be respectful. rhaenyra's mother, a.emma a.rryn, in contrast, was the dragonrider of d.reamfyre, after queen r.haena targaryen the black bride's death & before h.elaena targaryen, although a.emma only ever actually rode her for a relatively short period of time due to her consecutive pregnancies & constantly enduring miscarriages; the reason for this is because i& honestly find it unfair that a.emma's the only one out of j.aehaerys & a.lysanne's grandchildren who didn't get to claim a dragon of her own as a half-targaryen herself; the princess & future queen h.elaena claims d.reamfyre 15 years after queen a.emma a.rryn's death.

a.licent & r.haenyra's dynamic is. Complicated. while i Do keep the show aspects of them being companions in their youth, it's actually r.haenyra, l.aena & a.licent who were inseparable in their youth (because i Will Not have l.aena erasure in this household), a.licent is, similarly to the books, a few years older than r.haenyra (about ~3-4) & upon r.haenyra finding out that a.licent is marrying her father viserys, r.haenyra initially isn't offended or angered by this & actually does try to bond with a.egon & later h.elaena, albeit it is still awkward, but it's due to otto's political machinations & at a.emond's birth after a.licent gave birth to sons in rapid succession that the divide in their relationship worsened over time. anything beyond their adolescence involving their dynamic is almost exclusively from the books with the underlying sapphic undertones like the show does & bitterness, anger & resentment & as the dance of the dragons begins, hatred.

a.licent was trained by her father in politics & is the head of the green council, not otto & just as in the books, the green council only answers to her orders, they are loyal to HER & HER children, a.licent is a leader & a figurehead unlike in the show, with the sheer desire to get her hands dirty & wasn't afraid to in order to protect her children from whom she deems a threat to her children & grandchildren's lives. a.licent defies her husband's orders, creating her own political faction, raised a successful coup, seized power for herself & her kids & crowned aegon king, but make no mistake, a.licent is not a cold & heartless woman, she had no intentions of starting a civil war while crowning aegon & feels for r.haenyra when lucerys dies & like in the show, lights a candle for him in the royal sept.

while r.haenyra initially has no knowledge of war, while recovering from v.isenya's death & her complications, she has studied the art of war on dragonstone & relies on the men in her life, especially her second husband d.aemon, to counsel her. while she is by no means v.isenya the conqueror, r.haenyra fights during the fall of king's landing riding on syrax against archers & a few knights of the greens.

in our& interpretation, a.licent regrets wearing the color green after the dance is over & all of her children are dead & she seeks isolation in herself & she only gets that small taste of freedom from all of it when she finally manages to go into the kingswood & in the water only for the winter fever to eventually consume her. a.licent's taste of freedom & bordering on suicidality is what kills her, in the end.

[taleoftruthsandlies]

TW: mention if csa, mention of violence and abuse.

Tonight I had this dream, it's so vivid in my head.

There was a woman cooking in a huge pot, smiling children ran over to her, calling her name. She had really short hair, and from behind, you couldn’t see her face. She turned slightly to smile at the children, her face was horribly scarred, though I only caught a glimpse for a second.

Then the scene shifted. There was a scruffy-looking boy, maybe around 10 years old. He was overweight, with greasy long hair, square glasses, and dirty, sweaty clothes. Despite his appearance, he formed a close friendship with a neat, well-kept girl with a bob haircut and bangs. The girl felt sorry for him and tried to help him clean up, though his appearance never changed throughout the dream. For some reason, the boy insisted that their friendship had to be kept secret, even from other kids. He told her that something bad would happen to both of them if anyone found out, and she nodded in agreement.

It then became clear that the girl was an orphan, adopted by a cruel old woman who lived alone with her unemployed son. The woman exploited her small hands for sewing and often locked her in a dark closet or refused to feed her. The girl frequently ran away to an abandoned warehouse, where she met the boy. Despite his mildly creepy appearance, the boy was always affectionate toward her, giving her gentle kisses on the forehead and holding her hand whenever she needed comfort.

One day, news broke out about children disappearing, leading to a curfew. But the girl still sneaked out at night to see the boy. In a whisper, she asked him, "Did you do it?" He didn’t answer. "Do you know where they are? You love everyone so much, you’d want to keep them with you forever,I can understand it. " she said. The boy became furious, suddenly letting out a horrifying scream, and ran away.

After that, the girl grew more fearful and barely left the house. However, one day the old woman demanded she make a delivery, threatening not to let her back inside until she completed the task. As the girl walked, she encountered the boy. Terrified, she started to run, but he was much faster, like he had longer legs. She barely made it back to the house and screamed for the old woman to let her in, begging and saying she was scared. The old woman dismissed her, claiming she was only saying that because she didn’t want to make the delivery.

Seeing the boy getting closer, the girl chose to keep running. She came across two other children and shouted for them to play hide-and-seek with her to save them. They all ended up in the abandoned warehouse where she used to meet the boy. The three of them hid in a small, closed-off area, but eventually, the boy found his way in. The two other children didn’t escape, though the dream didn’t show what happened to them.

The girl kept running but soon found herself trapped in a dead-end alley. The boy appeared in front of her, holding a broken iron pipe. He SAd her and then hit her face with the iron pipe repeatedly. When he finished, he picked up a big shard of glass from the ground and began stabbing himself. With each strike, he grew older and older, transforming into an adult. His appearance was the same, just bigger. I guess it fit better this way. I think he had never been an innocent child, but the little girl had always seen him as one so I did too.

I don't recall every single detail, it was much more impactful while I was dreaming, I ended up waking up with a huge headache.

(Also English isn't my first language so, sorry if anything was confusing lol)

[brittanyautumn333]

This is a long one, friends

Tw:Child Abuse

I talked to my dad today for the first time in months. Because of what he does for “work”, he jumps around a lot and always calls from a different number. We talked about my mom a bit. He asked how she was. She’s fine, same as the last 26 years. She is the only person I know that has never changed or developed in my entire life. Textbook Covert narcissist. Why does she have to change? Everyone else is the problem, clearly 🙄.

I’ve been feeling a lot of resentment towards him in my spirit lately. Not for him leaving me. But for him leaving me with HER. She has never been mentally stable. She was horribly abused by her stepfather. He locked her in a room. She had to use the bathroom in a bucket in the room. One time, she told him that she didn’t want mayonnaise on a sandwich. He made her eat the entire jar. She was 7 years old. She will have an actual panic attack if she tastes a smidge of it on a sandwich. I know every single story of her abuses, because she would tell me after she was done hurting me. I didn’t have any reason to be upset, she had it worse.

My dad took care of her, and was her “hero” in a way. He’s 4 years older than her. He bought her school supplies, her first car, and even her feminine products. He went to prison when I was 3. He got out briefly on parole when I was about 8-9. Then went back until I was 17. Most of my pictures from my first 3 years of life show him holding me. He has always been a kind soul - I don’t think he could be mean to me if he had to save his own life. He’s patient, and soft spoken. Certainly doesn’t look like the type of guy to commit the crimes that he did. When I was little, he repeatedly cheated on my mom. He said it was to “get back at her for cheating first”..what in the fuck?? I can not understand how a 30 year old man had the perception that 2 wrongs make a right. I don’t remember much from then, obviously. When he went to prison, my mom immediately filed for divorce. 3 months later my stepdad moved in with us. I don’t even think she had mentioned him to me. All I remember is being on the way to the bus station, and her saying “I’m going to pick someone up, and he is going to be living with us now”. I’m thankful that my stepdad was and is a nice man.

Back to my dad, I asked him today why he chose to have a child with my mom. He knew he couldn’t remain faithful, he knew that she had extremely violent tendencies and mental health issues. I can’t help but to get so frustrated when I think about it. So much so to where I get angry and frustrated when I see couples who have horrible relationships, who already walk on eggshells, having children. I’m going to call it what it is and say it is incredibly irresponsible. I have 0 children at 26 years old because i understand the gravity of my decision if I choose who to have children with incorrectly. My judgement is imperative.

When my dad went to prison, my mom got her happy little family with my stepdad. They had a son. He is 5 years younger than me. My mom hated him as a baby. She didn’t hold him or even change his diapers. I don’t think she likes kids at all. I think she likes a dress up doll. Once the doll needs attention, or has anything to say, she is just not available. My entire life, she was glued to the TV. Talking wasn’t allowed when she watched TV. Even now. All day and all night. She would roll her eyes at me, and say “I know you love to talk” and “I can’t wait until you get married so you can get out of my face” (I was 9 years old). I never watched tv. I prefer music. It drowns the screaming out from when she scolds my stepdad for not doing 100% of the houses chores, while she sits in a recliner. My brother was and is no friend to me, even though I took pain and hurt myself to keep him from being abused like I was. It didn’t happen often though. He was the golden child - everything she had ever wanted. I was just remnants of a failed “white picket fence” dream. I spent a lot of time in my room alone. My brother got older and noticed the power dynamic, mostly my lack of power. He would do things and lie purposefully to make my mom angry. He knew she showed no mercy, and he enjoyed it from a young age. He would laugh when she smacked me across the face for dropping a pencil while I was doing my homework - I was making noise and interrupting her show. I spent a good majority of my childhood and adolescence alone. Not because I wanted to, but because I was safest alone. If no one can see me, they won’t criticize me. She won’t hit me if she can’t see me. I love to talk. Just like my dad.

He told me today that the reason he had a child with her is “we were getting older”. I literally could feel myself about to cry. What is wrong with these people? It’s like so many people don’t realize the implications of recklessness with their private parts. Married or not. You KNEW you couldn’t stay faithful. You KNEW that the nature of your “work” meant that you risked spending your life behind bars. You KNEW that your wife was not fit to be a mother. She has no patience, any kind bone in her body expects a 250% return on any kind act she gives to others. Even at 50 years old, she still blames her lack of kindness on her abuse from a man who is now dead. I had glass candles thrown at my head at 6 years old. Any time I try to bring up anything, it’s “get over it, you didn’t have it nearly as tough as me”.

Part of my healing journey is learning that just because someone else’s mistakes look different than mine, doesn’t make them any less worthy of kindness and forgiveness. It’s just so hard when it comes to my parents. I KNEW at 21 years old how to be a better parent than they did at 24 and 28 years old. Why didn’t they know better?? If your husband can’t keep his dick in his pants purely out of spite, or if your wife can’t even care for a cat without killing it, why have a child?

I get so frustrated when I see women my age popping out kids left and right with men that wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire. Then they’re giving crocodile tears when he up and leaves. Only after dogging her out in the presence of their children. You have no clue what you are doing. You’re not only breeding a child into a home that will inevitably be broken, but breeding pain and suffering for an innocent being who didn’t ask to be here. Making a mistake is allowed as an adult. It happens. But a mistake that was preventable involving a child is unacceptable. Does it make someone a bad person? Not necessarily. I try not to judge, but I do think that as a society we need to emphasize the importance of discernment when having a child. If he is on baby mom number 3, and you somehow think you are different or special, you are dangerously delusional. I witnessed the realization of “mommy’s baby, daddy’s maybe” x100 + abuse and neglect of all kinds. THE MOST important job for me as a woman is to ensure that if I have a child, I am prepared to do it alone. Mentally, physically, financially. My child would never be made to feel like a burden to me.

I’ve always felt like I had to anticipate being alone with a child. Not a single soul in my life is in a happy marriage. No one in my family hugs each other. None of that. My mom sits in a separate recliner from all of us and barks commands at my stepdad. She doesn’t lift a finger to even get a drink. I want to help my partner with anything they need. Do my part in the house. Feel close to them. I have never witnessed that. I guess that’s why I expect that emotionally distant life for me too sometimes. That’s why I attract the most physically and emotionally unavailable humans on the planet. Love stories are shit that mom watches on TV. Mom told me when I was little that true love is for skinny, pretty women. Fat women are just used until they’re dried up. Then he’s on to someone younger and thinner. This is the conditioning that is ingrained within the depths of me. That I am inherently less than. Because it never happened to anyone i know, it will never happen for me. What makes me so special?

I’m thankful for the lessons. I’m thankful for the opportunity to break the generational cycle of abuse in my family that has lasted at least 4 generations. I have all the tools that I need. I’m so grateful for my hopeful spirit and inquisitive mind. I know my fate is wonderful.

If you’re one of the 5 folx I linked to this page and you read this all the way through, thank you for coming to my TED talk. Spirituality isn’t all love and light. It’s confronting pain, pinpointing the cause, and venting when necessary. Thank you for hearing me.

[lumoonescent]

Okay I’ll admit to not knowing much about Ace Attorney but I think Ciel wasn’t really done any justice with this explanation and the 12 year old me obsessed with this hot mess of a story is rioting so I’m going to do my best to explain a few things that come to mind with this sickly little Victorian child. MAJOR trigger warning for mentions of sexual abuse, grooming, murder, gore, the list goes on. Major MAJOR Spoilers for Kuroshitsuji

I think my one major point here is that the ENTIRE story for Black Butler revolves around Ciel’s tragedy. His ACTIVE tragedy. He doesn’t get a good ending. He made his Faustian bargain and we are constantly reminded that the end result of all this is having his soul eaten by some guy who’s basically grooming him to do the worst things possible to make his soul taste better. Ciel knows this. The only adult he can trust is a literal demon who is not allowed by contract to do anything bad to him. The only adult he allows to have physical contact with him is a supernatural killing machine who has a legal obligation to protect him no matter what. He’s supposed to protect him and do whatever Ciel says. Sebastian (demon) is still pretty sus and weird about it anyways and looks like Ciel’s dead father while he’s doing it. Ciel makes Sebastian stand in his room when he goes to bed until he falls asleep like a human nightlight just so he can be certain nobody is going to hurt him while he’s asleep.

At 10 years old this sheltered asthmatic child witnessed the murder of his entire home only to be kidnapped and physically and sexually abused by a cult deliberately trying to make things as horrible and depraved as possible for him and his twin brother for a month straight. His brother is murdered in front of him. He has to dig through his dead brothers guts to get a family heirloom he swallowed for safe keeping. This cult summons a demon by sacrificing his brother and he STILL has to offer his own soul as payment for getting his revenge. He cannot look at himself or live in any sense without being reminded of his brother and his death after stealing his identity. He’s left with the survivors guilt of knowing that everyone who’s still alive in his life will BE DISAPPOINTED HE WAS THE ONE TO SURVIVE AND NOT HIS BROTHER. Much much later into the story this is outright admitted to be true by his fiancé, the only person he still cares about, after she learns he had been lying about being the other twin this entire time.

The queen of England decided it was a good idea to let this kid be her go-to guy for doing murderous dirty work.

His aunt, one of his only surviving family members, resents his existence and is murdered after admitting this (not by him, but still).

One guy gets so worked up over not being able to go to that cult gathering three years ago that he physically recreates the entire scenario like yes hello Ciel big fan wish I was also there when everyone else got to assault you :) lets do it all again :) I’m killing all of these children in your honor :)

Naturally he has a panic attack at this and throws up before murdering the guy. He has to mercy kill a dozen kidnapped lobotomized children that remind him of himself.

This happens in the first 8 volumes. At the time of writing this there are 33 volumes. Ciel at present in the manga IS THIRTEEN. This all happened relatively recently for him and half of the cast wants him dead for one reason or another. The only people on his side are his demon and his three servants. None of them are a system of support for bettering himself because they are all killing machines with only a vague semblance of what normal life is supposed to be. He commits atrocities and climbs the ranks and sacrifices anyone he needs to along the way to get his revenge all so that immediately after he can die knowing the people who hurt him and his family got what they deserved. He likes tea with milk and honey but doesn’t get to have it often because cavities.

His childhood dream was to own a toy store.

PROPAGANDA UNDER THE CUT: [SPOILERS AND POSSIBLE TRIGGERS AHEAD]

MAYA FEY:

CIEL PHANTOMHIVE:

[nightmaremybeloved]

no but actually why do we have to keep doing this.

they dont even KNOW what a c!dream apologist is. now its just become a term for “someone who doesn’t think c!dream is the antichrist, evil incarnate for hurting my wooby snooby baby twommyinnit” shut up. shut up !! i hate you. realize for once that c!tommy is NOT the main character. yknow ? like how they’ve been saying he isnt for years ?

not everything revolves around tommy. just fucking leave if thats the only way you’re going to watch the content. you obviously arent enjoying yourself anymore