#you just see this hulking bird perched on your fence and you are struck with awe and mild gea

[existencebringsonlypain]

thank you hunter owl house for introducing me to the wonderful world of bird appreciation

[nitewrighter]

As the original is still a fic that makes me bust a gut laughing can we have Prompt 26 with the fankid ensemble?

Sorry it took so long to get this fic out. Got some post-christmas lethargy.

----

Rei rubbed her arms in the Russian winter wind, her breath fogging out in the air. She glanced over her shoulder at Marti, Jaime, Aedan, and the twins leaning against the wall, and then her eyes flicked up to the large glowing holo signs steering passers-by inward with their glowing Cyrillic letters towards Volskaya Industries’ annual Defense Technologies Summit. Beyond them was a large college green, now blanketed over with a thick and pristine blanket of snow, dotted with trees, their skeletal branches laden with snow, still done up with Christmas lights. It was late afternoon, technically early evening with how early the sun was setting there.

“’Maintain the perimeter,’” Rei muttered under her breath.

“That’s the order,” said Marti, her arms folded as she leaned against the wall.

“This is Kids Table-ing. We’ve been Kids Tabled,” said Rei, pacing back and forth and bouncing on her heels slightly to keep warm.

“That’s how it works. It’s called ‘Delegation,’“ said Marti, “If things go to pot, they’ll know where we are, and they can count on us to go where they need us to go.”

“The city’s probably crawling with Talon agents and we’re supposed to just ‘Maintain the perimeter,’” said Rei.

“Yep,” said Marti, “Again: How it works.”

“Speak of the devil,” Jaime spoke up next to Marti and they all craned their necks at the group of three exiting the building. Andrea stepped out first, clad in a heavy overcoat and ushanka, her brow furrowed and her eyes cold as usual. Seye stepped out after her, looking smart and casual in a beanie and brightly colored windbreaker. Faustine stepped out, not even looking up from her comm as she texted, wrapped in furs and topped off with a beautiful fur zhivago pillbox hat decorated with a jeweled brooch.

“...oh my god,” whispered Jaime.

“Don’t,” hissed Samir.

“But look at it though--” said Jaime, his voice still low.

“Don’t,” said Samir, again.

“I can definitely make it,” said Jaime, “One shot--”

“Don’t,” said Samir.

Seye pivoted in the snow to see Marti standing with arms folded next to the door.

“Martina,” he said, tilting his head, “Stuck out here freezing while the adults are talking?”

“...embarrass your dad so you have to take your little team outside?” said Marti.

“Actually we found the floor shows boring,” said Seye, adjusting the cuffs of his own glove, “We were thinking we’d check out the city.” He glanced past Marti to see Aedan leaning against the wall, “I see you still have the traitor with you.”

“The ‘Traitor’ is a very capable scientist and medic,” said Marti, “And it’s not exactly our fault that he was created to be an independent-thinking scientist and he just happened to find his way over to our side.”

“Uh--” Aedan was clearly uncomfortable with becoming the subject of whatever verbal fencing match Marti and Seye were kicking off. 

“I can snap his neck,” Andrea suggested, her voice completely flat. She wasn’t joking. Jokes weren’t really in her repertoire.

“You can try--” said Rei stepping forward.

“Please don’t try--” Aedan squeaked.

Both Marti and Seye put their hands up, stopping both Rei and Andrea in their tracks, snowflakes still falling thick and fluffy all around them. Faustine’s eyes flicked back at them from her comm, but simply shouldered her furs densely around her like a bird ruffling its feathers and continued texting.

“No, no--It’s fine,” said Seye, glancing at Andrea, “They’re playing nice, so we play nice.”

“Oh is that what you call it?” said Marti putting her hands on her hips.

“I think we can get through this acting like adul--” Seye started but there was a light swooping sound through the air, a soft ‘piff’ sound and a loud, furious gasp. Both Seye and Andrea’s heads swiveled back at Faustine. Faustine’s hat was knocked off, lying in a mixture of mud and ice in the gutter, little chunks of powder were still caught in her champagne blonde hair. Her features contorted in a blind fury as she quickly scooped up her hat from the gutter and Marti turned around to see Jaime, his arm still extended from the throw, and his eyes lit up wide.

“Dude--” said Rajeev.

“Holy shit, I made it!” said Jaime, some awe in his face, before glancing at Samir “I told you: one shot---”

Another snowball smacked him hard in the face, knocking him onto his butt. Both the twins leaned over him. Andrea dusted the snow from her gloves with a furrowed brow.

“Hey!” said Rei, packing and throwing another snowball. It hit Andrea in the shoulder and Andrea didn’t flinch, but Faustine was already furiously packing snowballs next to her.

“Guys we can get through this without--” Seye started when a snowball hit him smack dab in the center of his chest.

Marti looked over her shoulder to see Samir, trying to cover up the fact that he had absolutely thrown that last snowball as much as possible while Rajeev packed snow behind him.

“...I was aiming for Andrea?” said Samir before getting hit in the side of the head by a snowball from Faustine.

“Sure you were,” said Seye, balling up another snowball. He gave a glance to Andrea, “Take point.” Andrea stepped forward, cracking her knuckles in their mittens. “Non-lethal,” Seye warned. Andrea rolled her eyes and then scooped up snow.

“Evasive maneuvers!” said Marti. She ducked out of the way of a snowball from Andrea that hit Rajeev in the chest behind her. Aedan faded and all of them took off running for the green.

“Guys, it’s 6 on three,” said Jaime, stumbling up to his feet, “Just flank ‘em and--” He cut himself off and looked over at Faustine who had a finger to her ear. “Jeez, calling for Dad already? It was just a stupid hat!” 

“No,” said Faustine and there was the slight whir of a talon dropship overhead. A talon heavy assault suddenly dropped from the sky like a bomb and slammed into the snowy street in front of Seye’s team, kicking up a wave of powder with his impact. “And it wasn’t ‘just a stupid hat.’ It was mink.” 

The heavy assault let out a snarling roar.

“No deaths,” said Faustine, putting a hand on the Heavy’s arm, “But.. teach them some manners.” 

“Scatter!” shouted Marti.

The first snowball the Heavy threw was roughly the size of Rajeev’s upper torso and was hurled right at Marti. She took a roll on the powder fo the green and it exploded on the ground right next to her. She looked over her shoulder at Seye and his team. Seye gave her a ‘Well...’ shrug and Marti stumbled to her feet in a sprint as the hail of snowballs rained down on all 6 of them, along with the odd snowy depth charge from the Heavy. It was chaos. It was carnage. The pristine blanket of snow on the green torn apart in seconds by desperate feet and scooping mittened hands. The air became a mess of hurled snow projectiles and diamond dust from their bursting impacts sparkling in space. 

-----

Aedan reformed with his back braced against one of the skeletal trees, panting. 

“Subject six,” Andrea reformed from her own wraith form a few feet away from him.

Aedan let out a high pitched scream but a snowball suddenly exploded on the back of Andrea’s ushanka and she whirled on her heel to see Rei with an armful of snowballs.

“Not today, Reaper Knock-off!” she shouted before throwing another which hit Andrea in the shoulder.

Andrea pivoted on her heel and took off in a sprint after Rei. 

“Oh scheisse--” said Rei, turning around and running away.

Aedan desperately started balling up snowballs of his own and threw one after Andrea, which missed by a mile.

“Seriously?!” Rei shouted over her shoulder.

“Do you think my primary weapon would be a biotic rig if I could aim!?” said Aedan.

“Oh for the love of---” Rei let the dragon flare up yellow around her shoulders as she gripped two snowballs as she ran towards Andrea.

----

“You just had to knock the hat off, didn’t you!?” said Samir as he leapt and rolled out of the way of another massive clump of snow thrown by the heavy. Faustine was perched smugly atop the Heavy’s shoulder, balling up her own snowballs.

“You saw it! It was so... fluffy... and there!” said Jaime, dodging another snowball from Faustine this time.

“Marti’s the team leader! When we mess up, it’s on her head!” said Samir, turning and throwing another snowball and watching it piff uselessly against the Talon Heavy’s hulking torso. 

“It’s just snow!” said Jaime before getting smacked in the side of the head from a snowball from Faustine and tumbling to the ground.

“Jaime!”  Samir cried out in alarm before shoving back his sleeve and flicking his wrist, activating his hard-light projector. He threw up a curving shield which shuddered as another massive hunk of snow. 

“Hard light?” Faustine tsk-tsked from atop the heavy’s shoulder, “Poor sportsmanship, isn’t it?”

“You have a heavy!” Jaime shouted up at her. 

“IT WAS SIX ON THREE!” Faustine barked back as the heavy struck the hard-light shield with another massive snowball.

Samir dropped to one knee, deep fissures running through his hard-light shield.

“Samir! Shield jump!” Rajeev called from behind them. Samir looked over his shoulder to see Rajeev in that sprint toward them, a large chunk of one of the heavy’s snowballs under his arm. Rajeev materialized a wide hard-light saucer and threw it on the ground in his sprint, stepping onto it and picking up even more speed as he used the hard-light like a snowboard. In a swift, instinctive movement, Samir made a sweeping overhead motion with his hands and hoisted the hard light shield over his head. 

“Constantin?” said Faustine and the Heavy grunted and hurled another massive snowball at Rajeev but by then it was too late.

“HUP!” Rajeev leapt up off of the saucer in an explosion of snow from the Heavy. With a flick of his wrist, Samir shifted the physical setting of his shield from impact absorption to repulsion. Rajeev’s boot touched down on the hard-light and he sprang off like a trampoline. He soared through the air, and the heavy looked up at him just in time for Rajeev to slam the clod of snow right in the Heavy’s face as he began his downward arc. The heavy flailed, literally snowblind, and Faustine was cursing at him in French before she screamed and fell from his shoulder as the Heavy himself collapsed. 

“Ha!” said Rajeev, stumbling up to his feet, “Take tha--!” he caught a snowball in the face from Faustine.

----

Seye’s eyes flicked around the christmas-light wrapped trees, several snowballs in the crook of his elbow and one in his other hand.

“I have to say, I expected better from you, Martina,” he said, his eyes flicking around, “Your team fires the first shot, then they scatter? Not good form...”

“Neither is calling in a heavy, but I didn’t see you stopping Faustine,” Seye heard Marti’s voice, coy, teasing, and pivoted on his heel to see... nothing.

“...Thermoptic cloaking?” he said, still glancing around, “So your team gets to use their toys?”

“My team had only their nonlethal toys for this mission,” Marti’s voice came from the other side of him and he pivoted with a snowball at the ready again to see nothing, “Not our fault your team’s toys would be that much more noticeable.”

“You’re having more fun with this than you should, Team Leader,” said Seye.

“So are you--Let’s fix that.”

A snowball suddenly smacked hard into Seye’s shoulder, and he glanced up to see Marti, her dark brown eyes fierce and mischievous, and her arm still extended in pitcher’s form before she stood up straight and cleared her throat, unable to wipe the grin from her face.. “It’s like that?” he said, looking at her.

“Well...” Marti shrugged before ducking out of the way of his next snowball then disappearing in a flicker of purple pixels again. There was a grin on her face. 

“Oh no you don’t--!” Seye gauged the ownerless footprints crunching through the snow and threw another snowball, the snowball exploding against an invisible shape, “RAH!” Seye tackled the invisible, snow-splattered form and Marti’s thermoptic cloaking flickered off of her as he easily hoisted her up on his shoulder.

“You’re captured. Call your team off!” said Seye, as Marti snorted and laughed in his grip

“Au contraire---” said Marti, before twisting her torso and shoving a half-collapsed snowball down the back of his windbreaker.

“GAH!” Seye flailed with the cold running down his back and lost his balance with Marti on his shoulder and both of them fell flat into the snow. Marti now pounced on him as he rolled onto his back, pinning his arms over his head and straddling him.

“Now you call your team oh-ah--aah-CHOO!” she sneezed hard into his face.

“AH! Germ warfare! Germ warfare!” said Seye, flinching under the sneeze.

“Sorry! Sorry! That came out of nowhere!” said Marti sitting up and wiping her nose.

Seye pushed himself up to a slightly upright sitting position as well. They looked around the green, watching as Faustine hid behind the Heavy, throwing snowballs at Jaime and the twins who had taken shelter behind a waist-high hard-light fort, and Andrea chased Rei and Aedan, apparently unfazed by the snowballs Rei was pelting her with.

Seye snickered a little. “This is all very silly, isn’t it?” he said, looking back at Marti.

“You think it’s silly?” said Marti.

 “I mean we’re not kids--”

“Did your team ever get to be kids?” said Marti, “I mean I know that’s a definite ‘No’ for Andrea but you---”

“...we should probably call the fight off if Andrea’s going after Aedan,” Seye spoke suddenly.

“Seye, I’m serious. I’ve asked you this before---AH-CHOO!” Marti sneezed again but managed to cover her nose this time.

“Yep. Calling it off,” said Seye before whistling shrilly. Andrea stopped in her tracks. “Andrea. Stand down and regroup.” He whistled again and the Heavy throwing snowballs froze, “You two, too.”

“Ugh,” Faustine folded her arms as the Heavy slumped with disappointment.

Rajeev slowly raised a snowball to a throwing position, but Samir quickly a hand on his forearm and forced his arm down. Rei was still standing in defensive position between Andrea and Aedan.

“Is this because you’ve been emotionally compromised?” said Andrea.

“Emotionally comp--No one’s been emotionally compromised,” said Seye, flatly. He glanced down at Marti still straddling him, then both of them awkwardly scrambled off of each other. Seye quickly stood up, shuddered hard at the last bits of ice running down his back, then stuck a hand out to Marti. 

“Truce?” said Seye.

Marti took his hand and he helped her to her feet. “Truce,” said Marti.

“Temporary truce,” said Seye, releasing her hand with a glance back to Andrea.

“Temporary,” Marti agreed, “We should probably get back to our CO’s...”

“Yeah,” said Seye, trying to shimmy the melted ice out from his windbreaker.

 “You know, I think this is the first fight both Overwatch and Talon have been able to walk away from with none of us ending up in an infirmary,” Marti smiled.

“It is, isn’t it?” said Seye.

---

“...Six cases of pneumonia. Six,” said Mercy, pressing her hands together in front of her. It was roughly two days after the mission and Rei, Marti, Aedan, Jaime, and the twins all shuddered and sneezed around the Watchpoint rec-room, all of them wrapped in blankets. She looked back at Rei. “Do I want to know?” 

All six of them shook their heads at her.

“...It was something stupid, wasn’t it?” said Mercy, her shoulders slumping.

The six of them exchanged glances and then gave conceding nods. 

----

Seye was shivering in bed with a blanket on his shoulders. He looked out the window at Monaco as Faustine and an omnic butler pushed into the ornate hotel room with a silver tray laden with tomato soup, orange juice, and a croque madame.

“You can’t convince me she didn’t sneeze in your face on purpose,” said Faustine as the butler set the tray down and Seye bit into the croque madame, before dipping it into the tomato soup, letting the egg yolk from the sandwich run gold into the red of the soup.

“It was a complete accident,” said Seye, blowing on his soup before sipping it, “And honestly?”

“If you say ‘Worth it,’ I’m losing all respect for you,” said Faustine.

“Worth it,” said Seye.