#you just called me single and alone im devastated

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/29/2025

made one of the best thrift store purchases of my life this week

listening

mental health watch: new mother mother single out and i have had that shit on loop basically all week. i would describe their (alt rock for chronically depressed girls resistant to most treatments) overall sound as “slippery”, but this song is slippery in the way the seaweed in miso soup is slippery. hope that makes sense. i heard the lyric “head shaker” as “exchequer” and this exact wording was stuck in my head for basically an entire shift at work.

-

reading

still having a tremendous amount of fun with Charlaine Harris’ Gunnie Rose series. just finished the third one, i think whenever you can get away with a character that you can genuinely and seriously call “the tsarina of all the californias” you should push that as far as it can possibly go and she does!!! it is so refreshing to read a book by an author who knows what they’re doing. who knows how to write and pace a longer series and who knows how to effectively play with dramatic tension. the bar is So low but i have been wrestling through these horrible lesbian novels and (new for me) trying to take three or four of the little scifi paperbacks ive been hoarding to work every week to stash in my desk to read when it’s slow. all of them have been bad so far. like gang rape page two bad :/ love scifi the best and worst genre

yet another frustrating week in the lesbian mines. finally finished Flight Risk by Kim Baldwin and i do not think i can fairly review it, bc i tried to read it at work in tiny tiny chunks over too long a period of time (two weeks) and got really frustrated with it bc i forgot something that happened in the first chapter. im sure its a perfectly fine book if u read it in fewer sittings but now it is like. contaminated by several unpleasant work shifts and i simply don’t want to look at it any more. also they fucked in the literal last five pages which i find tremendously annoying.

Second You Sin by Scott Sherman (also mid-aughts) is about a nyc callboy (gay) who keeps accidentally stumbling into murder mysteries. i could easily image every line of dialogue by every gay character delivered by ru paul so it was not a book for me.

and then by far the most annoying book, Change of Heart by Linda Hill (1999 published by my worstie Naiad) bc it does not read like the author has ever been in any sort of relationship. even though she is married. to another woman. it’s hard for me to review this one fairly too due to my own massachusetts experiences.

At the age of 38, British supermodel Julia Westgate watches in panic as her career begins to decline -- and she realizes she is truly alone in the world. Deeply closeted, Julia has always limited her encounters with women to secret trysts and one or two night stands. While on a shoot in Boston, Julia carefully disguises herself so she won't be recognized, then sneaks out to a secluded lesbian bar. There she meets local journalist Cory Hayes, who is celebrating the publication of a hard won story. After spending a passionate weekend with Julia, Cory is devastated when she wakes up to an empty bed.

(ed note: they do nothing more than kiss in the entire book. it’s truly debatable if there was even tongue or not)

Weeks later in a supermarket check-out line, Cory's jaw drops when she sees an exquisite face on the cover of a fashion magazine -- a face that looks more than vaguely familiar. Thus begins an all-consuming game of hide-and-seek, with Julia trying to run from herself and her uncertain future -- and Cory willing to risk everything to find her.

(ed note: cory does some light snooping to discover her last name, makes some phone calls for a single afternoon, and then comes across her completely by accident almost a year later).

this book takes uhauling to new heights bc they adopt a special needs puppy the first and only weekend they spend together, wherein they don’t even fuck and Julia flees into the early morning without saying goodbye, leaving a note, and leaving most of her stuff behind. i know why Cory cant stop thinking about Jules nearly a year on (leaving without goodbye in the middle of the night and leaving almost all your stuff behind is objectively bonkers) but i have no idea why Jules is so into Cory. or what either of them see in each other. or really why they’re into each other at all. bc again. they do not do more than kiss the entire book and most of the book is them feeling kind of weird about this singular weekend. NOT that you have to fuck someone to know how to feel about them but my goodness! sometimes it certainly helps!

it is perfectly tailored to piss me all the way off bc Cory asks for a raise bc she impulsively adopted a puppy, and her boss not only gives her a raise and a promotion but also heavily subsidizes her new house she rents. which he owns. which was so far from MY massachusetts job/housing experience we might as well have lived on different planets. however this book really does nicely capture the complete unwillingness of the massachusetts wlw scene to like. do anything more than talk shit about a kind of weird date you were on once.

would have loved to read more of a May/December romance about an aging supermodel and would have loved to read more about the worries and fears of someone aging who hasn’t really put down roots or formed many friendships at all in her life or really interacted much with the queer community at large, but the age gap in actuality is quite small and Jules is mostly exotically British and worried about facial wrinkles.

deeply annoying experience that could not be written today in a post-MTV’s Catfish world

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watching

fallow week

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playing

woe woe unending woe in genshin. genuinely really annoyed that i pulled for Varesa (girl who is a cow) in bc guess who’s coming back in about a month? that’s right, yae miko. the only other character i desperately want. and she’s going to be on a specific banner that does not build pity for any other banner. and i don’t even have quite enough pulls for halfway to guaranteeing her. however. buying enough in-game currency to guarantee her would be about $120. which is simply goofy. she will come back around eventually, probably in a year and a half, and i will survive. i don’t even want her for team building or combat purposes. i just think she’s got a cool design and i want a matched set of her (pink) and her wife, the shogun (purple).

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making

one million small mending projects, including reinforcing the spine of some dorling kindersley BIG BOOK OF TRUCKS and BIG BOOK OF PLANES books for my bestie’s son’s birthday. no pics bc they were wrapped POSTHASTE!!!

also varied and assorted mending of clothes. managed to rip the casing for some pajama pants through brute strength and getting snagged on a kitchen cabinet knob, kind of half assed a ladder stitch, thought “that’s not going to hold” and then did a less half assed heavily overlapping cross stitch to reinforce (esp around the buttonhole opening for the drawstring) and then slathered it in fraychek.

likewise, my favorite obnoxious shirt had a rip up the side seam. carefully stitched it back up, blanket stitched the raw edge for a little more reinforcement without too much bulk, and slathered it in fraychek. u can see a much older repair there when it ripped horizontally from getting stuck in a filing cabinet drawer at umass lol.

and finally, some horrible shorts that were not adequate enough for my thighs, so i took the discreet one inch side vent and really opened that up to the bottom of the pocket seam. very annoying and fussy to match the topstitching and do two bar tacks by hand. the fit on the shorts is still not quite where i want them to be but they are at least wearable outside now. no fraychek here they’re nylon and got melted with a lighter as god intended.

[eicsferrari]

Couldn't Make It Any Harder - fc43

pairing: franco colapinto & norris!reader

a/n: im not sure if i like this one but i love this song

masterlist

જ ♡ જ

ynnorris "go on vacations with your brother and your best friend, it will be fun!" they said... liars

♡ liked by yourbff and others

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lando your the liar, you told me today that it was the best idea ever to travel together🤨

ynnorris you're*

ynnorris also you have no witness of that

yourbff how can you be so hot????

ynnorris literally you !!!

user4 hi girlie, can i date your brother?

ynnorris he's annoying so yes pls take him away from me

lando HEY

user4 ngl being noticed by the norris sibilings was not how i thought my day was gonna go

francocolapinto baby i can drive your car and maybe you'll love me

ynnorris quoting the beatles is the way to my heart you know me too well

user8 she calls him best friend but they flirt under every single one of her posts, you are not fooling anyone

user34 ok but franco flirts with everyone

user77 not like this

user23 we can switch places if u want

જ ♡ જ

ynnorris travelling but fear not, new music soon

♡ liked by francocolapinto and others

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user22 yn pop domination is coming

user45 after her last breakup i just know we are getting the saddest song ever

user76 fr, it was BRUTAL. i'm glad she's doing better now

francocolapinto id jump in front of a train for you🛐

ynnorris ok bruno mars

user43 are they dating?? i don't understand their relationship

user21 no one does lol they met last year when franco got to f1 and since then they became "best friends" who flirt all the time, have insane chemistry and can't keep their hands off each other

user89 the fashion icon that you are

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francocolapinto saw some fishes🐟

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lando without me💔

ynnorris you wanted to stay at the hotel and play videogames ??? you made your bed now lay on it

lando meanie😔

ynnorris WHY WOULD YOU POST THE LAST ONE??? that was just for us i look terrible

francocolapinto you always look gorgeous

user17 she said just for us🥺 stop feeding my delusions

user55 her smile on slide 1 ... call me crazy but that's what being in love looks like

user62 u are crazy but im glad at least you are self aware about it

જ ♡ જ

ynupdates yn norris opens up about dating in new interview: "(...) i don't fall as easily as i used to. when i was younger i was a hopeless romantic but now i have to think about the consequences, not to mention the public's reaction. loving another person can be so hard...sometimes i feel like a graveyard of once bloomed now withered hope and i'm not sure i can handle going through that again, being that hurt again (...)"

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user8 i'm crying so hard

user5 yourex when i get you,,,

user93 when she said after so many relationship failures she self sabotages and it's not fair to put anyone through that...

user43 i SOBBED, i desperately need someone to show her she's worthy of being loved

જ ♡ જ

ynnorris Last day

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user7 THE OUTFIT

user56 does this mean new music??????

ynnorris tomorrow babes😉

francocolapinto need you biblically 🥵

landonorris leave my sister alone u weirdo

user5 he just won't give up

francocolapinto you look really nice

ynnorris thanks fran❤️

user2 share the lip combo🙏🏼

જ ♡ જ

ynnorris emails i can't send: couldn't make it any harder - mp3

this is a vulnerable one but i hope you like it

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user15 the concept of fearing you are too hard to love...she read my diary for this one

user9 that is franco's hand,,,

user32 she spilled her heart on the song and you are thinking about a man?

user23 yes cause the song is literally for him

user44 we don't know that

user67 im devastated but this is a masterpiece

user48 has anyone else noticed that franco is not here? he always likes and comments

user74 yes he is always one of the first likes

user52 stop😭 i hope it doesn't mean anything bad

જ ♡ જ

જ ♡ જ

ynnorris you told me right from the start i'm easy to love

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user7 ynfranco nation we were right !

user89 this caption after the song she released i'm so happy for them😭😭

yourbff FINALLY

user45 she's one of us

francocolapinto te amo🤍

ynnorris yo más 🤍

lando i approve i guess🙄

ynnorris you literally cried when we told you

lando fake news don't believe her!

જ ♡ જ

Taglist: @justaf1girl @anamiad00msday @readtoooomuch @2bormaybenot

[phantaloon]

okay okay im finally finished with both eps and here's my genuine opinion

the cast is 10/10, every single one of these kids knows exactly what they're doing and WHO they are, i can't imagine anyone playing each character better than them

the slight change in Sally and gabe's dynamic gave me a bit of whiplash at first, but the second time watching it, i kinda really dig it better than the books

the way they're portraying percy's feelings of inadequacy and the whole "i know I'm broken, i don't need you to make up stories for me"? fucking devastating, but it fits so fucking well (i can't remember if this is shown as deeply as it's shown here)

sally jackson is the most badass mfer and i fucking love her she is the godly parent fuck poseidon

it's been said before but sally calling percy perseus when she wants him to listen >>>

LOVED how they gave us the impression of percy having riptide while facing the minotaur, only for them to take it away (not really but percy didn't know that) and having percy face the minotaur book style rather than movie style

ANNABETH SAYING PERCY MUST BE THE ONE I SCREAMED

i am fucking loving the way they're doing percy's rage, like maybe it's bc i don't remember it as clearly in the books, but it's so raw, and walker does an amazing job portraying it, but the whole part where he offers food (a thing meant to be for gods) to SALLY, king behavior fr, and that monolog about making his father see them?? actual goosebumps

leah does such an amazing job portraying annabeth's indifference and apparent arrogance, i can't explain how much i love her, like she does it so subtly, it's just little gestures, but she IS annabeth chase (this felt especially cooler after seeing her in interviews, where she's actually really shy irl)

im not going to lie here, and like im sure it was done on purpose anyway, but i am feeling it kinda rushed, and I get it really! they won't waste time in the many chapters spent during camp introducing the world to us, when they've got few episodes, and the whole quest to showcase instead, but like, i would have loved to see percy training with luke (and besting him) and annabeth showing percy around camp (second time we've missed that) and idk just some fun little details, but like i said, i understand why they HAD to rush the intro, so I'm not upset about it or disappointed, just smth to notice

having said that, i really did love the bit of luke guiding percy through several activities trying to figure out his "calling", the callback to percy's horrible archery skills is 10/10

annabeth's yankees cap is fr a yankees cap and im crying

i nearly forgot, but im loving the nightmare sequences, i love how they're keeping the "voice" so faceless and shapeless, but just a light in the darkness of a nightmare, and really it's a great figure, bc a light in a nightmare is usually a good thing, it's the thing you run towards, and it's usually smth that helps you, but here, the light in the darkness is anything but good (quite literally) and he literally taunts percy, and fuels his fear and bitterness, and ugh I love it

the whole capture the flag sequence is 10/10 as well, i can't explain how much this healed me, just like annabeth leaving percy to be bored to death on his own, when she was right there, the transition between luke's "percy's got this" and percy doing the fucking floss dance? cinematic masterpiece, and like the fight sequence was really well done and crafted much much better than many others that rely on slow mo or weird angles, like the fight with clarisse and her spear was gold

dior's scream as percy breaks clarisse's spear alone deserves an emmy

leah portrays annabeth so effortlessly and naturally, I've said it before but i love her

i got like 10 seconds of annabeth interacting with percy and i can already see them together forever ahdjdj

overall 10/10 will rewatch again and again and again bc I'm in fucking love even if it does feel a bit rushed at times and there was the same lack of the hellhound as the movie

[allamericanb-tch]

marauders as eliza mclamb songs

** i limited myself to the ones she has on soundcloud because i did not want to go through her entire tiktok page to find links for all of her old songs sorry im a lazy queen.

pretend my explanations are not convoluted and poorly worded

the playlist of songs mentioned please go listen to it (with the marauders in mind !! ) i am obsessed with eliza mclamb currently. i tried to use every song on this playlist since i couldn’t use every song on her tiktok but i did skip some so. sorry? also the lyrics are just the ones i thought were the most them. i did not type out every single lyric to all these songs im not a MANIAC

james — look at me and lie / “daddy issues”

genuinely this song makes me tear up every time. it’s so jegulus from james pov coded which i think is absolutely devastating. in my mind this song is james thinking about regulus, knowing he has the mark, and regulus is wasting away knowing that he can’t be with james anymore, unknowing that james knows he has the mark. ugh it just breaks my heart every time.

i fucking hate when you look at me and lie // but i see it in your eyes you haven’t given up anything, except maybe the last three years of your life

—

jegulus 💔

i know i remind you of the life you couldn’t live, you make that pretty clear when you lose your shit weirdly i like that side of you better. // to see you angry is more fulfilling than the apathy

———

remus — wendy’s parking lot / autopilot / dial tone 

cigarettes i mean this is literally remus. but in all seriousness, this song is so remus feeling alone, very first and second year of him, before he really got on with the marauders.

smoke a single cigarette out the window // i want to go driving till i run out of gas, speed till i pass everybody in a baby blue subaru with their 401k’s // i don’t have anyone to cry to

—

remus trying to live his life after sirius leaves

doctor said i need routine // it’s time to drive around aimlessly and listen to music that used to make me cry, i wish it still did // i miss the feeling of feeling something

—

remus calling grant after sirius leaves

who can i call? // you don’t have to say anything at all // just stay on the line, to know somebody’s out there will do me fine

———

sirius — 2007 / haunted house

this song is sirius thinking about his time with regulus before hogwarts, and regulus idolizing his older brother and wanting to be just like him, and they grow up and grow apart, but really they’re scarily similar and sirius knows it and hates it because he hates himself.

you were still a baby, of course you’ll always be my little lady, but then you were freed // god, you’re turning into me // i want to hold your little face just look at you and say, ‘it’s not as good as it seems’ // it never gets better than being a kid with a dream

— 

this is sirius returning to his apartment he has with remus after he escapes azkaban

i swear this house is haunted, i can’t be here without wanting to go back ten years and do it all again. // i just can’t make myself fit back into place

———

peter — speak

this is peter being quiet and shy and following james around like a lost puppy dog because james has always been his only friend, and he couldn’t bear to lose him, so he goes along with everything james does.

i never could talk loud enough so i learned how to listen. // i find my place in other people’s shadows. // i wait for you to ask me, ‘how is it you forgot how to speak?’

———

mary — pornstar tits / anti-cinematic

this song is so mary being oversexualized by the fandom, and only used as a device to further the plot of wolfstar fics by being a rival love interest for sirius.

they trade that shit like pokémon cards, swapping my body with somebody else’s // it’s either jezebel or madonna and i’m not sure which one is worse

—

this i think is mary leaving the wizarding world, and losing all her friends (..because they died) and trying to go back to life as a muggle

what if my best years are behind me? // what if i just keep getting older and lonelier?

———

lily — elastic band / american wasteland

this song reminds me of lily reminiscing on her life before she found about wizards and magic and became involved in the war, and knowing she can’t go back to the life she once had.

so many memories i can’t recover existing in only a feeling // sometimes if i think real hard its like i’m there again // i’ll think i’ll stay in this moment for a while

—

american lily evans. there i said it. but this song actually feels more petunia to me. petunia after lily leaves, feeling out of place without her built in best friend.

two kids in a double wide // take the city bus home // get off at the next stop and walk the rest of the way home in the dark

———

marlene — twin flame

marlene and dorcas, dorcas and marlene.

i can read your mind like you can read mine // do i like you, or do i like that you’re fucked up like me?

———

regulus — hydroplaning

this is regulus being in love with james, and being so deep into his self-hatred that he can’t even fathom why someone like james would like someone like him.

something about you liking me just doesn’t sit right with me i think it probably means you have bad taste. // and then of course i’ll whine about how no one could ever love me.

———

evan — drunk in a fancy shower

evan at a party feeling out of place because party is drunk kissing other girls, and not drunk kissing him. poor evan :(

it’s so clear that i really don’t belong here // is it so cynical to think that no one would give a shit if i crawled out this window? // i need to get the fuck up, get back out there fill my cup up

———

barty — zoned out

this is so barty losing his mind slowly after evan’s death

i came back into my body to find somebody else in it // i hate that i can’t listen to you over the sound of my heartbeat // sometimes i just have to leave

———

pandora — witching hour / all alone

pandora is very much the kind of person who would find comfort in being alone in the middle of the night, and being awake while the world is asleep.

it must be the witching hour if i’m awake // it’s like the universe has picked me up, i’m a tiny baby in her cosmic cup. // i’m not scared of the unknown

—

pandora being self aware and knowing that people think she’s weird and creepy but knowing she is on the right path for her <3

all alone, in my little world. if it’s a one man universe i’m my favorite girl. // ‘you’re all alone, well aren’t you wasting time?’ no i’m just taking mine. 

———

dorcas — dreamgirl

dorcas being dorcas

i wanna be your dean girl // i like the version of me that lives in your mind // i’m still a mystery to you

———

[octopodeez]

Lol you ready for this? Its long. So I have an oc that I made originally for the specific reason to fuck Doflamingo. Its not me directly doing it so it's fine Lol. I might be horny but i gotta draw a line. But I got Waaay to carried away with this and made my oc fuck my 3 main blonde simps (Spoilers up until post dressrosa idk where you are so warning) here's how it happens

So remember when Dof was in Jaya while the strawhats were in Skypiea? Remember that. My character, who I named a weird name so I'll just call them Z, is from Skypiea. As the strawhats go up, he gets, for lack of a better word, thrown down by Enel. Z is blood related to the Shandia (the tribe from skypiea). He basically was pissed and threw himself at Enel early to try and kill him and got royally fucked up. Then was just dropped of the edge and proceeded to fall the 20 thousand ft down through the different layers all the way down until a little before he hit the normal ocean. Cut to Doflamingo, leaving Jaya, loud scream getting closer and closer. Everyone looks up and there is a person falling out of the sky. Buffalo stopped Z in the air and then released, Z falls the rest of the way and lands literally right infront of Dof and smashes into the ground. Z then in a delirious rage, completely fucked up stands up saying some shit like "ILL BURN THAT GOD ALIVE!" and then passes out.

Doflamingo: lol ima keep it

Z is a freak might I add, and at this point, not normal at all. He also truly has no idea what the world is like since they only were ever in Skypiea. Dof takes advantage of this of course and molds him into his vicious personal hitman. (Of course they fuck that was the point of this lol) So Z gets sent out on these long ass missions to hunt down anyone dof says to, doing this earns him the title of "Doflamingo's Hell Hound" since his thing was hunting donw people who thought they got away and 'dragging them back to hell'. The last time Z is sent out he comes back to a now destroyed dressrosa just days after luffy kicked dofs ass. So...now he's just alone?

That being said he tracks down the strawhats lol. But not for revenge, he literally has no idea who to ask about what happened and "why not ask the bigger fish" he thinks. Cut to when he eventually find them, shit gets angsty. Now he's learning all the shit that was blatantly kept from his knowledge. Sure Z was already killing for dof, but what do you mean all the toys were real people and an unimaginable number of people were suffering from so many different angles? So he now learns the whole truth and is devastated. attempts to unalive self right infront of the strawhats. Of course they don't let that happen tho, you know these guys. So now he's really lost. Z then spends like 3 months with these idiots, every stop hes like "alright im leaving" And then for an unforseen reason continues to stick around. This is when Z gets a taste of love from another blonde. Sanji

(Notes: Z is transmasc, and if you didn't know Dofs fav food is Lobster, so I just say he's a seafood person) Z never asked for anything ever, so he basically ate whatever was given to him, if at all, his whole time with dof and into his time with the strawhats. Z barely eats and will avoid the kitchen because of it but Sanji won't let anyone go hungry so he trys over and over to get Z to eat an actual portion for his size. Then one day Sanji makes some meat and Z finally gets a whiff and is like.."what smells so good?" Turns out Z loves meat, luffy level type meat lover. He, without realizing it, hasn't had a single bite of anything besides seafood for now years! Now Z is eating and sobbing at how good the food is every meal; and now he won't leave sanji alone. Z spends a lot of time just hanging out while Sanji cooks, asks to try anything and everything since he wants to now explore the world that was unknowingly denied to him. Sanji slowly is falling head over heels, but fighting it cause "I'm not gay I swear" lol. But Z just looks at him one day and says "well...it's not gay if you don't want I to be, i wont say it is" and that was truly all Sanji needed to hear lol. They fuck like once, but their relationship is just entirely romantic sweet tooth rotting fluff where Sanji unknowingly mends Zs abused heart by giving him the complete opposite from what he was used to. But these two never label themselves. The enjoy each others company and sanjis already panicing about a label, plus Z dont care, so they just exist together for this time until the day comes where Z leaves his temporary home with the strawhats. Sanji now sad as hell, but Z basically tells him he made him love life again and promised to see sanji again someday. reluctant as he was, they let each other go.[Something something if you love someone let them go?] Yeah Z never says It but he is fighting some deep turmoil where he's like "if dof breaks out of prison, he's gonna be pissed and I will not put that on the people who changed my life so im leaving now for real before i marry the guy fighting bisexuality" yea sanji and Z really could have had something if Z had been told that Dof really, truly, stood no chance against Luffy in the slightest anymore, but anytime he asked how dof got beaten all he ever heard was, "yea luffy kicked his ass, it was pretty crazy" so he never really knew that until later when he put two and two together himself

Alright, next blonde! Z now is a wanderer looking for an outlet for his.."talents" you don't kill for a warlord and not come out of it good at the task Okay so this is where my brain hasn't created yet, I'm still actively building this self indulgence story so I'm working on it lol Somehow he ends up with the Revolutionary Army and joins them. he hits it off with everyone, really fits in to well, and when he mentions he spent some time with the strawhats that only makes things easier, now step in ✨️Sabo✨️ these two are both unhinged, yes, but it's like they pass back and forth a braincell and when one is crazy the other is the anchor in that moment and vice-versa. They "friends-to-lovers style" there way into a relationship where they only acknowledge that they are together way after they realize, "oh shit are we dating?" And that leads to Z finally spilling how he feels like he betrayed Dof despite everything and that he couldn't live with himself if someone he cared about got hurt cause of his past. But you know Sabo, he's not even slightly worried about it, and basically explains to Z that if a specific 10ft tall pink bastard with sunglasses tried anything, the entirety of the Revolutionary Army would definitely not have an issue stopping that; Especially if Dof was alone. This is the first time Z has ever had someone say they would protect him (but if he had said something with the strawhats you know they would have made that clear) so now happy ending for him, he's living now and in a real relationship.

To summarize:

Doflamingo: man who already thinks himself a God sees a "fallen angel" fall right infront of him and he said "Profit!"

Sanji(along with the rest of the strawhats): brought the Light back to this poor bastards life and showed him that life is worth it (aw ☺️)

Sabo(along with the Revolutionary army) gave him a home, familiarity, and a good cause to fight for while simultaneously directing his skills into.

So that's how I made my 1 oc fuck the psycho blonde, the people pleasing blonde, and the unhinged blonde lmao

Ask anonymously? Nah

I’d take a bullet for Z he’s my actual hero

[teddyissick]

what did i do mamma? why is it so hard for you to just ask me how im feeling? why do you always have to make assumptions? why is it so hard to just ask me? for the past 4 days i haven’t had the energy to drink water and no one fucking cares? all anyone can bother to ask me is why my hotel room is so messy. sorry?? i’m physically incapable of standing up without passing out?? i know im supposed to be enjoying this wedding but why are all of you acting like im stopping you from enjoying? not once did i ask either of you to sit by me, or even look at me. i’m fine by myself. you both feel the need to call me and taunt me and fault me and guilt me and make me believe im being difficult and i have to suck it up. please leave me alone. i really fucking hope i die so at least one of you feel a fraction of what i go through every single day. you’re so unpredictable and you have been my whole life. i never know how you’re going to react. my whole life i’ve been on eggshells around you guys, never knowing when the pressure is going to be just a bit too much and when the next landmine is going to go off. it makes me wonder if i ever knew you, and if i ever will. i can never expect anything but uncertainty and volatility from anyone because of you.

do you know how devastating it is to find such comfort in the arms of a stranger, hoping it was you? i need to go back home. i am homesick. i’m homesick for a place that never claimed me as its own. im homesick for arms im terrified to be in.

i need someone to tell me its going to be okay. i need someone to hold me and comfort me when i cry. i’m so afraid to cry in front of anyone now because i’ve never been allowed to express what i feel if the emotion isn’t approved of by those around me. i’m not allowed to be sad im not allowed to be tired i can’t be anything but happy and energetic and perfect and smiling and social all the time because if i am anything other than that i do not recognise myself and i cannot shoulder the weight of the disappointment any longer than i already have.

i dont know why im crying, all i know is that i can’t seem to stop and i can’t call anyone. no one will give me the reassurance or comfort i need.

[llycaons]

ep46 (2/3): go off wen ning!!!

oh this episode has so many great romantic shots of lwj catching wwx and dramatically cradling him in his arms and gazing tenderly at him and taking care of him physically and looking horrified and caring when he learns the truth. it's like his number one role in this episode from this point on

THERE HE IS!!!!! much like jyl's ep25 speech, this is wen ning's absolute best scene. the best scenes of both jyl and wen ning, gentle and deeply loving side characters with little political or cultivation power, involve them defending wwx, someone who looked after and protected them in turn. it's happened so rarely and it's so satisfying to see it come down like that

come to think of it, most great lwj scenes are of him doing the same thing

oh gosh lwj looks almost disgusted when he sees jc draw suibian. like 'really??? HIM??? ugh'

WEN QING!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭 YOU HAVE BEEN MISSED BELOVED!!!!

oh he is NAILING the 'the man I love went through torments untold and I utterly failed him when it mattered and now I hold him in my arms and gaze at his face and wonder how I could have been so foolish' look

I love that wen ning has such a precise and detailed memory. it's fitting as a companion and defender of wwx, who famously has a poor memory even when it comes to himself. it's so good for wwx that wen ning and lwj both witness and carry wwx's struggles so he doesn't have to do so alone. im getting choked up

oh and he just tears into jc in this scene. mwah. so so satisfying

and look how passionate he is! quiet, timid, kind wen ning, whose default expression is solemn awkwardness or a shy smile, outright shouting at this sect leader. and rightfully so!

his is his SISTER! and jc shouldn't forget why he's here! wen ning isn't here to punish or kill jc or even really hurt him. he just wants him to know who he owes his life and success and strength and sect to - people he's abandoned, people he's tortured, people he's sworn to kill. it's a bitter pill to swallow, and it's devastating for him, but wen qing deserved to be remembered. and jc needs to understand what exactly wwx did before he can decide to torment him for eternity or whatever he was planning

jc sobbing should also be satisfying, but honestly it's just sad. he makes me tired. isn't he tired?

thank GOD wen ning said this because a lot of people take wwx at face value especially when it comes to jc and it's important to remember that wwx wasn't being sincere in a lot of circumstances, both before and after the war

oh god and now he's remembering all the things he did to wwx and the things wwx said to him before he left to get his core 'restored' oh god oh fuck this is why he apologizes later. this is what it took. thank you wen ning 😭 I will never ever call wwx an idiot for not communicating things he was clearly too traumatized or in too much of a precarious position to communicate but I'm so glad someone did

THE SINGLE TEAR MAKES A REAPPEARANCE

I love the 'grabbing a sword hilt in determination' thing that both lwj and wwx do

GET HIM!!!!

GO OFF!!!! this is probably the meanest thing wen ning even says in this scene and it's literally just the truth. people who call wen ning cruel for this are weak bitches. 'uwu jc lost his entire family' yeah so did wen ning and jc failed to help them even though THEY saved his and his sibling's lives. jc always scolds wwx for not being grateful but he's so ungrateful and self-absorbed himself. 'wq turned down his marriage offer' was that seriously the fucking best he could have come up with

anyway wn and lwj united in taking care of and defending wwx is such a lovely partnership 🥺 for so long he's been taking care of everyone and all alone and refusing help and now the two most loyal and loving people still alive are looking after him and making sure he's okay. it does make me emotional

awww yeah romantic lotus pond night boat ride with a third wheel slash servant (?) wwx sure directs him to row like one

oh god...this line really hits. when you and your family are facing extermination from literally everyone in the entire world, when everyone is treating you as less than human and calling for your blood, when you're utterly alone in the nightmare, then having even one person stand up for you and advocate for you, just one person who tries to save you...yeah I would remember that too. but then wen ning always remembers the good people do for him. he was loyal to wwx as soon as wwx was kind to him, bc it was something wwx does regularly but that never happened to wen ning before.

man arguably wen ning lived by the 'forget the bad, remember the good' that cssr told wwx. I feel like I've already said that

as tangled and silly as the timeline is for nightless city, I don't find it hard at all to believe that lwj, hearing some shit went down and the wens turned themselves in, first went to nightless to advocate for them. failing that, he ran back to BM looking for wwx and found a-yuan. he took a-yuan to CR, put him in with a medic, and then booked it to nightless.

...actually now that I write it all out, it does sound a bit unlikely. but lwj WOULD delay going to wwx if a-yuan needed him, and the travel time for the wens and the time wwx spent asleep could account for the time lwj spent desperately flying back and forth all over the jianghu

oof yeah I joke about lwj not communicating shit but really...in this situation I can see why to an extent. yeah, lsz deserves to know his identity and family. the wens shouldn't be absorbed into the lans and lost from the world forever. god knows there's enough real world examples of racist adoption that contributes to genocide and loss of culture (see, white adoption of indigenous americans and aboriginal people). but I can see him not wanting to tell a child that hes the last survivor of a mass murder bc there's no comfort he can offer. he didn't even really know them. it still would have been better if he'd told him, obviously. people shouldn't but cut off from their families, even dead. none of the wens should have been forgotten. but I see why. and I see why wen ning is doing the same thing

[starseungs]

➳ universe. ksm

pairing: kim seungmin x gn!reader

Every day, he thanked the universe for placing you in his life. Out of the millions of heavenly bodies in the vast sky, you outshone every single one in his eyes. He was waist deep in a slowly sinking phenomenon he could only describe as love.

genre/s: roommates au, angst, fluff, writer!seungmin, unrequited love

warning/s: work & financial struggles, high real estate prices (yes im putting this here), the angst tag is before the fluff tag for a reason (is this a spoiler? probably)

wc: 2.5k

note: behold, another angst from me. don't question it- at this point its the only thing i can write properly;; also this fic is connected to my felix fic if you want to read that after! the two are written to serve as stand-alones too, so it won't affect the stories much if you don't. UPDATE: this has a part 2 now !

2022 ⓒ starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

Seungmin finally looks up from the blinding light of his laptop and stretches his limbs for the first time since the sun said its goodbyes. His room was dark—the only source of lighting being the laptop’s screen, which only reminds Seungmin that he should probably lower the brightness setting before working in an environment like this. He already had a sinking feeling that he’d be needing a trip to the eye doctor soon. 

And ending up with glasses would be such a hassle.

It’s not that Seungmin hated wearing them per se, but having to use the tool for reading things would hinder the efficiency of his job somehow. Of course, not to the point of a drastic difference, but he liked being able to work on his craft right away whenever and wherever.

You see, Seungmin is a writer. 

Well, calling it his job is sort of a reach. His "actual" job was as a journalist for a news-based company—still in the same field, just different specializations. Seungmin considers himself quite good at both, though.

He loved creating stories. It was his way of destressing from all the chaos that was his list of news topics to cover. Who said journalism was easy? It was enjoyable, yes, but it physically hurts him sometimes when he’s being told to cover devastating topics. Maybe he was just too soft for the line of work. After all, his colleagues seem to be doing just fine with similar coverage.

Seungmin originally wanted to be a book author anyway. It has been a long time dream of his to watch his story and characters come to life in the minds of those who read it. 

His passion for creative writing was something he discovered back when he was still a child. Books were always of interest to him; the concept of experiencing the characters’ lives through words and bringing life to the reader’s imagination was greatly thrilling. And that’s why one day, he simply found himself wanting to try it out.

Years after that event, Seungmin was now a fairly well-known writer on a platform where anyone could post their work. Along the way, he realized that being a professional author was so much harder than it seemed—but this chance was already enough for him. His stories were seen by more people than he had originally imagined, and that itself was a big achievement.

Like a normal person in society, though, he still had to find a job. Posting for free wasn’t going to support his daily life, which is why he ended up working as a journalist. The pay was decent enough to not make him live off of cup ramen like in his broke college days. Despite this, he initially struggled to keep a place to live.

Real estate prices were crazy high in Seungmin’s area. So much that it ate a good chunk of his paycheck just to keep the apartment he had. Sure, he had a stable job, but it wasn’t the highest-paying one out there—it was only about time that he would be struggling to keep up with rent.

And that was when he met you.

"Can I please just have another extension? I had to send money home this week, so I’m really lacking on the payment," Seungmin remembered pleading with the landlord. 

He was severely behind on two months of rent at that moment, and the owner of the complex he lived in was starting to have his patience run thin. 

It wasn’t something he could control! Seungmin’s sister had broken her leg and needed extra money to cover the hospital and recovery fees. He wasn’t about to leave his family hanging like that!

The landlord sighed and patted his back. "Sorry about this Seungmin, but if you can’t pay the two months by tomorrow, we have to ask you to move out. There’s another person who is interested in an apartment here, but we were already full," he said, dropping his arm off Seungmin's back. "We’re running a business here. I hope you understand."

Seungmin was left dumbfounded as the landlord started walking away. What was he going to do now? It’s not as if he could just magically conjure up enough money to fully pay two months of rent. Asking his family was out of the question—they already had their hands full with his sister. So what’s next? His friends? How comedic.

He didn’t have any.

The closest would probably be his co-workers, but it was a very professional relationship and stopped at general concerns. He doubts they would be willing to lend him more than simple pocket money.

"Hello? Excuse me, sir?" He hears a person calling out to him. He turned around and spotted you—who was peeking out your apartment’s front door. Oh, right. You were his neighbor.

"Yes?" 

Seungmin watches as your eyes light up at his response. Why do you look so happy to talk to him? "I’m sorry for the sudden conversation, but it's just that I overheard your talk with the landlord. You’re going to be kicked out tomorrow, right?"

That was certainly one way to say it, he grimaces. Surely, you didn’t mean it in an insulting way, but the cheerful tone in your voice reminding him of the current situation was kind of putting salt over his wound. 

Sighing, Seungmin decides to reply and get it over with, "Apparently. What about it?"

The universe must have been on his side at that moment, because your words certainly caught him off guard. This was not what he was expecting—

"Do you want to share an apartment? I have an extra room."

Granted, any random person who offers to live together would've been sketchy in Seungmin's eyes. But maybe it was your positive vibe that pulled him in, telling him that this was a good idea.

You were literally giving him a place to live, at half the original price. Having a roommate wouldn't be such a big problem, right? Plus, you seemed like a decent person to live with.

However, all his other considerations were thrown out the window at the speed of light once he realized once again how severe his issue was: he was on the brink of becoming homeless. 

"Sure."

And that was where it all started.

Living with you was quite possibly the best decision Seungmin had made in a while. Not only did he continue to live in the same apartment complex (which was the closest to the train station in his area), but he also ended up with more money for spending because the monthly amount he had to pay for rent was cut in half.

You were such an angel too. Always making sure the kitchen was stocked, so that the two of you were living like proper functioning adults. It would take some more time before Seungmin was willing to go back to his college dorm lifestyle days. He's already been avoiding the instant noodle aisle in convenience stores for the past year. 

In exchange for your generosity, he started doing most of the chores in the apartment—something you heavily thanked him for, because washing the dishes really wasn't your favorite pastime.

Due to this dynamic you both developed, a lot of your neighbors mistook you two as a couple. And no matter how many times you tried to correct the assumption, it just comes back stronger in the form of: "Oh, young love. You don't have to be shy about it! Both of you are adults now. Living together isn't that bad."

Except it is that bad. 

The main reason you decided to have Seungmin as a roommate was that you, too, were running late on rent for that month. Unlike him, who was on it for the second time in a row, though, you had lacked just one month at that point, so the landlord let you get away with it. 

Your job had to cut employees due to a financial crisis, and the pay was lowered by about one-fourth of the original. Luckily for you, your workplace considered you one of the best workers and decided to keep you among the remaining employees. Because of that, you didn't lose your job—only a pay cut.

Basically, that leaves you and Seungmin in the "struggling young adults" classification. Sharing an apartment was the best move you two could make in an effort to save your living standards.

On the other hand, if you asked Seungmin about the misunderstanding, he'd honestly say that it doesn't bother him as much as it did you.

Half a year into your roommate agenda, he found himself falling for you. The crush started not long after you first found out about his hobby of writing.

"So, you post stories online? That's so cool!" Was your genuine praise, looking at Seungmin's laptop screen with interest.

He, on the other hand, was developing cold sweat—a result of having you so close to him. You were currently hovering over his back, trying to get a peek at his draft document. 

"Yeah—I, uh, post stuff sometimes," Seungmin replied with a small voice, not used to people praising his hobby in person. "It's nothing too special. But I like the reactions of the readers."

You hum. "How do you plan stuff? I'm not really a writer kind of person, but I do enjoy reading. I want to take a glimpse at your writing process."

Seungmin tried his best to not swoon like a fool.

Someone interested in his work? As well as the process? What a way to make him fall for you.

"I normally just have these bursts of ideas. It can be lines, plots, concepts, character traits, all that stuff. When I do get them, I open my phone's recording app and just say my ideas for future use," Seungmin explains. "I know others write them down as notes, but personally, I prefer verbally describing them, even if it's messily done."

The way your eyes sparkled as he pointed out more stuff in his writing process had him whipped in an instant. It was from then on that Seungmin's adoration for you grew even more romantically.

Every day, he thanked the universe for placing you in his life. Out of the millions of heavenly bodies in the vast sky, you outshone every single one in his eyes. He was waist deep in a slowly sinking phenomenon he could only describe as love.

It's been about two more years since he deciphered his feelings for you. He'd never know how you'd managed to still be living with him—what he did know, though, was that it was a mutual decision. 

You both never talked about it up front, but it was obvious that the two of you were now in a better place financially. It would be reasonable to want to live separately again, but the bond you formed throughout the two and a half years of living together was something that could not be broken easily.

"... Min?" He hears your voice calling out. You must be home already.

After stretching once again, he headed towards his door to greet you. Your eyes quickly caught his, the sight making you smile. This reaction was what kept Seungmin going every day.

"Were you asleep? Did I wake you up?" You asked, setting down the plastic bag you were carrying on top of the kitchen table. He shakes his head as a no. "Oh, that’s good. Your light was turned off, so I just assumed."

Seungmin laughs at you while he approaches the plastic bag. Once he got a closer look, he realized it contained takeout food. He looked at you in question. You merely motioned towards it. "Did you eat already? I brought you take-out just in case. Just place it in the fridge if you’re not hungry yet."

The action has him grinning unconsciously. It was one of your love languages to do acts of service, and knowing that, he felt extremely loved.

Taking out the food, he started unwrapping it while watching you take off your shoes on the sofa. It was endearing to see you relax and become more comfortable once inside your shared apartment. He felt special knowing that he was one of the only people to see you in your natural form.

Sadly, his joy-filled illusion was destroyed right away when he noticed the outfit you were currently still wearing—a devastating reminder of what had just gone on with your night.

"How was the date?"

You beamed at his question. At least you’re happy, he thought bitterly. 

"It was great, Min! He was such a gentleman the whole time, I was practically swooning. His name is Felix, by the way. Just in case I end up introducing you two. You have an Australian co-worker, right? Chris, was it? He’s Australian too—do you think they know each other?" You chatted enthusiastically.

How fun. He could already tell that this Felix guy was a topic that would stay for a while.

The conversation hurt him, but Seungmin decides to entertain you nonetheless. "Maybe. I can ask tomorrow or something." You give him a thumbs up.

"Cool! I'll go and change out of this now. Good night, Min!" He waves back at you, watching your form disappear behind your room's door. When he finally heard a click, his arm dropped immediately.

It wasn't the first time you've gone on a date with someone else before. But it was the first time you went home approving of one—a very big deal, because this means whoever this Felix is, he's definitely getting a second date from you.

Seungmin was envious of the guy. He doubts he'll ever be on the receiving end of your dates. Something he knows and has tried before, albeit more indirectly. The result was soul-crushing, though.

Bzzt, bzzt.

His phone vibrated for a while, indicating an important notification. Considering he had all other notifications off except for messages, it must have been a text. He lazily picks it up, glancing at the message.

Y/N 🤍: i hope you liked the food i got you btw

Y/N 🤍: love you bro 🤪👊

He simply smiles at his phone, even through the tears that have piled up in his eyes. As much as Seungmin hated being seen as a brother to you, he'd rather have that than nothing. 

Yes, you saw him in a more familial light. It completely broke him for a while when he first confirmed it, but there was nothing he could do. Seungmin wasn't about to force you to like him romantically. 

No, he would rather leave the shared apartment than ever hurt you on purpose. Both were thoughts he despised to the bone. 

Exhaling shakily, he opens up the voice recording app and presses start.

"I know there’s a universe out there where we'll end up together. It’s just not this one."

[ PART 2 ]

mastertag 🏷️ : @h0neydewmoon

[strangecowplant]

UPDATE

ill have to get to my replies later but i need to update right now

teddy was getting even worse, the meds were horrible to him and he just started to take a dive. he was dead weight, couldn't stand it was devastating to see him trying to pee or do anything really only to just fall. he was confused, scared, couldnt sleep for more than a couple minutes after having literally tried to calm him like a baby. this wasn't your typical sedative, calming med loopiness this was extreme, ive never seen a cat act this way before, let alone while on relaxants. its hard to explain but when you've experienced cats pass before you just know the signs and he was showing them rapidly later in the morning. i had another total breakdown so mom took the reigns and called them and absolutely ripped them apart. they're at fault for this getting worse, for this horrible medication, for not leaving the catheter in for longer like i said i wanted so he wouldnt have to go through that procedure AGAIN, its invasive enough ONCE let alone 2 or 3 times, for not ensuring he could pee on his own before just sending him off carelessly, for not communicating and hyperfocusing on money for issues that arent even an issue night now and could be done later. blockages are difficult to address as is, but the way they went about it made it even worse. the vet told us to get him in right away for the reaction to the new medication, and we were firm that we are NOT paying this is their fault I'm amazed teddy was able to make it through the night, he's so incredibly strong

as much as i dont ever want to go back there im doing everything for him and we raced him there, they're going through all kinds of checks to make sure he's ok and also working on his peeing. he had a wet bowl movement before i got the call, which couldve been from the sudden change to his prescription diet, the new med, the situation or anything, but was so weak he couldnt even stand so it got all over him, i had to wash him off and that seemed to kind of kick him into moving again, not much but a lot more than i had seen all morning after becoming exhausted, almost like it switched him back on to keep fighting.

so far he's doing well his bp is only slightly high due to the stress of being there but hes inflamed which also is making the urine they can push out tinged with blood. they're monitoring him constantly in fact she (this is a different vet from the owner, ive had good experiences with her) said he's being held almost all the time by another staff member, she will be giving him a boost of antibiotics as an injection and a single anti inflammatory since he got his bloodwork done and he doesnt have any kidney or liver issues or anemia/anything else. they offered for me to stay with them there so i can be with him but i needed to get back to my other babies to make sure they dont stress more either, i have to keep them healthy too so im getting updates over the phone. hes eating there hopefully thatll give him a boost of energy because though they can bring him out and walk him around/play hes still very sleepy. he hasnt peed but his bladder isnt full either, i asked why since he was drinking like crazy and she said its likely because he's dribbling tiny amounts almost constantly, his blanket has some small spots (i noticed when he was home his peepee was wet a lot but no full pees) im going to be grabbing him again soon before they close and then taking him back first thing in the morning for her to check his bladder again, if its full and hard again she's putting a catheter in again. she's also giving me a prescription for a bladder relaxer thats non drowsy, but its a gamble what pharmacies have it. we still are firm we are not paying, i'm still so scared because if they DO try to ding us with the bill we will absolutely be out of donations to help, the last bill was $606, on top of that all the gas needed to even get there and back is crushing, and i have no idea what will happen but its not something i can even think about right now

idk how its going to go we're just taking this one step at a time, my anxiety has made me so sick i want this nightmare to be over with and him at home safe and sound.

again thank you all so much for your concerns for my boy, all the help, the donations, the kind words its incredible how many are wishing and working for his recovering ill update again and get to replies as well when i can

please help me pay my kitties emergency vet bill!

ive never done this before but one of my cats just had to get an extremely sudden emergency procedure and i don't know what to do, my vet and i have reached out to a couple incredible programs here to help with the bill but one is less than half and the other hasn't replied back yet, i've already declined the blood work (CA$356) to lower the bill at the risk of possible underlying liver and kidney issues not being found but its still a monumental amount for us right now. i just feel so helpless

we had enough to pay the minimum deposit to get the procedure started in time thankfully, but we were already scraping by as it is and now we're in desperate need of funds to eat/pay rent/pay off any remainder of the bill. i am disabled without aid and have been unable to work/haven't worked since 2015 but am on track to hopefully start working pt this fall. i live with my mom who has 3-4 jobs including one seasonal job which needless to say is stressful and wearing her down. we unfortunately are stuck in the most expensive place to live in canada with the inability to save up to flee so the cycle is never ending.

this is Teddy, my typically very silly vocal happy boy who's not quite 2 yet, my comfort king, my little muffin who acts like a weighted blanket for me at night and eases my anxiety, his favourite toy is his pink unicorn poof, he loves car rides and he can shake paw!

he got a sudden urinary blockage last night with no straight answer as to why and progressively got worse as the night went on, i didnt sleep at all, i was panicking and bawling, naturally, and raced to the vet to get in as soon as the door opened. i assumed it was a uti which wouldn't have been as costly, but it turned out to be much more severe and life threatening. i never expected my usually extremely healthy boy to suddenly be at risk of that and im still trying to just process whats been happening

he needed to be sedated and given a catheter and some medication, the total bill came to CA$985.62, of which we were barely able to pay 500 of, and one program was able to donate 300 leaving a total of CA$185.62 for the bill. this, of course, leaves us scrambling for food and rent as well

i know there are a lot of fundraisers out there needing donations right now, and i really hate letting myself be so open and raw like this but even a dollar would help tremendously and i would be forever grateful for any help whatsoever, even a rb to signal boost is greatly appreciated <3

TLDR; my cat had a sudden life threatening issue and now we can't pay the full vet bill or pay for food/rent

Paypal

[psyduckappears]

Homesickness for stoncy? PLS ik you've written the last two prompts for it, so im sorry if you get sick of writing stoncy 😭😭

read it on ao3

no but honestly i don't think that getting sick of these three idiots is even possible!!! this was such a blast and also this got away from me again so BADLY ..... hope you like it :)

It's a twist-of-fate kind of coincidence, how it all comes together.

After Vecna, after another brush with death, and world-death, and all-encompassing devastation, Hawkins goes back to normal.

Small-town people are a species beyond comprehension – a tight-knit family that will stab each other in the back at the first opportunity but hold your hand through the next crisis as though nothing happened, a steaming casserole or a rich, sweet pie ready to end all your worries – a community of shared knowledge and shared identity that doesn’t welcome difference but values togetherness over honesty; it’s alright to be different as long as we don’t acknowledge it – a microcosm of shared-experience who will help each other through their trauma as long as nobody calls it trauma.

Hawkins goes back to town-festivals in the summer and caring too much about high school basketball games and exchanging gossip on Main Street when you’ve just run into your neighbor after checking off the last of your grocery list.

The kids go back to school. Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan graduate high school and, only a blink of an eye later, move away for college. Joyce finds a new job, one that pays marginally better than the one at Melvald’s, when one of the school’s secretaries retires. She has more than enough experience making phone calls thanks to that awful telemarketing gig, and nobody doubts that she’ll be able to manage any parent that might try to cause trouble just fine. Even Hopper goes back to his small-town Chief job, now sharing households with Joyce, and together neither of them need to pull as many hours as they did before.

Steve is … well, Steve is Steve. Does he spend too much of his time off work alone at home, watching on the news as the world at large goes to ruins around him that from this rural exile stay distant silhouettes on the horizon? Absolutely. Does he feel a little left behind, here in Hawkins, while the others have left him for the wide, wide world, where life happens every day, right before your eyes? Sure. Sure, he does, but it’s more than that.

He misses Robin, who moved to Boston with Nancy. They promised each other he’d follow her there as soon as he has some money saved and an eye on a job, but so far, it’s all felt a little hopeless. Besides, he doesn’t think he’s quite ready to leave Hawkins, yet, despite everything. After everything over the past couple of years, he probably should be running without a single look over his shoulder, but the thought of leaving still makes him uneasy, invokes this violent urge to radio Dustin, or El, or any of the kids just to see that everything is still looking calm. It’s hard to trust the peace.

Robin, the absolute saint that she is, understands. He thinks they all do, to some extent, even the ones of them who’ve left and sworn up and down they wouldn’t miss the place in the least.

He misses Nancy, too, who he’d just started getting closer to again after Vecna, and Jonathan, who he’d just started to really get to know before they moved away, leaving him behind, too.

So yeah, again, he does feel left behind, and he wants to be out there, but sometimes he thinks in the privacy of his own mind that he feels homesick, and it’s more like … he misses the home Hawkins used to be, before. When they were all still here, and when another apocalypse wasn’t fresh behind them all, and even (though he’d never say it to anyone) those moments facing down hell, where at least it felt like his lacking prospects for a meaningful future wouldn’t matter for much longer. Who cares if you ever got into college when you’re already dead?

He misses, most of all, a time where he wasn’t always looking over his shoulder, not always checking if all his ducks are still in a row, are still alive. He misses sleep without dreams where people he loves die like it means nothing, alive one second, gone the next. He misses a town where every shadow doesn’t feel like a warning, and he longs for a place where everything isn’t predictable, even the crises. Maybe, he thinks, he just misses somewhere he’s never been.

Nancy fills her time between classes with extracurriculars until she doesn’t have time to miss anyone, or at least that’s what she tells herself even while she’s already realizing that it doesn’t work. She joins the campus paper, a group of girls who run together twice a week, and a progressive feminist student organization that Robin invites her along to, but she still feels her fingers itch for her car keys all the time, ready to drive to New York, to Hawkins. It helps to know that Jonathan is the same way.

They schedule phone calls whenever neither of them has class or anything else – mostly when Robin does have class or something else, not because they desperately need the privacy but because she spends most of her time and the money she doesn’t need for rent to call Steve.

Sometimes, when Nancy comes home during one of those calls, Robin will grin and greet her and force the phone into her hand. Nancy kind of loves her for it, if she’s honest, and Robin’s expression says that she knows it even without her saying it.

Calls with Steve always make her smile too wide, and more often than not, she holds him up for way too long, trading news from college and stories about Robin for anything going on back in Hawkins, the more mundane the better. He always has something good about her brother and his friends, at the very least, something light that will make her laugh and that Mike would never tell her himself.

She also learns, this way, that he and Jonathan talk on the phone sometimes, too. It’s usually when Jonathan gets anxious about being so far from home, and he doesn’t really trust Will or his mom to tell him if anything was up because they know he’d be right on his way back home. Nancy can’t say she blames him, and she’s grateful, really, that Steve can do that for Jonathan, now. Be a link back home to take off the edge. Be a friend at all, after all their history. It’s just that it makes her miss them both so much more.

They go home for Christmas, but it’s just a few days before they have to head back to study for some upcoming exams, and they spend the holidays with their families. Only Robin begs off most of the time before and after Christmas dinner to spend with Steve, and then they’re gone again, after just barely a glimpse of the other two.

Calls and calls and calls pass between the three of them, and suddenly it’s a Friday night in early spring, just about 10pm, and Nancy can’t stand it anymore. She calls Jonathan.

“If I leave now, I can pick you up in about four hours,” is what she opens with. She’s met with a few seconds of silence.

“My roommates are out,” Jonathan finally replies. “You can ring the doorbell. I’ll sleep until then and take over.”

Smiling to herself, she starts a pot of coffee. He always knows exactly what she’s thinking. “Power nap halfway there.”

“One or two hours. Maybe near Pittsburgh.”

“We’ll be in Hawkins by afternoon. You have class on Monday?”

“Nothing I can’t skip this one time. I feel like we won’t want to haul ass back to campus after just one night.”

Jonathan is already awake again when Nancy rings the bell, an overnight bag, leftover pasta, and a thermos of coffee ready to go. At 2am, even the city that never sleeps has that eerie quality to it, though it isn’t really silent. Especially not on a Friday night. Still … even though he thinks it’s comforting, in a way, the thought of Nancy standing out in front of his door in the middle of the night, entirely unprotected, has him rushing down the stairs. He doesn’t exactly live in a nice part of town, and judging from past experience, even that can’t save you, sometimes.

“Hi.” Nancy grins when he bursts out the door, the momentum from the stairs still in him as he pushes against the door a little more forcefully than necessary.

Nancy looks tired but happy, messy but beautiful. She looks like she was already halfway to bed when she called him and barely took the time to get dressed before hopping into her car; hair tied up hazardously, sweatpants that he’s pretty sure are his tied fastened with a tight knot so they won’t slip from her waist and looking oddly discordant with her street shoes, and a sweater that is frayed at the sleeves from where she worries them while studying.

He kisses her hello, met with something hi, there you are, and I missed you, too, and then she barely leaves him the time to catch his breath before she’s dragging him back to the car.

There’s a laugh on his lips when he takes the keys from her and slips into the driver’s seat.

“Alright, Jitterbug, how much coffee have you had on your way here?” he asks as they start down the street. They should always leave in the middle of the night, he thinks; the traffic is way less awful at this time.

“Oh my god,” Nancy says, already digging through his backpack for one of the tapes he – predictably, apparently – brought. “Did you just make a Wham! reference?”

He gasps, only half-pretending to be offended. “You know exactly that I wasn’t –“

“I need to tell Steve.” She’s giggling, now, which is definitely a sign that she should probably get those few hours of sleep in, soon. Drunk Nancy has never been a fun time, but sleepy Nancy? She’s a blast. She loves everyone, and she thinks everything is hilarious, and Jonathan loves her, but he really needs to focus on getting them out of the city and onto the right interstate. “I swear, Jonathan, the first thing I will tell him when we see Steve is that you, Jonathan Byers, made a Wham! reference after being all high and mighty when you found out he listened to them.”

“You know they – you know they didn’t invent the word ‘jitterbug’, right?”

Nancy just keeps laughing at him until he knocks her over a little at the shoulder, which has her grin over at him tiredly. He feels unfathomably fond, but he just gives her a roll of his eyes, gluing his eyes back to the road in front of him.

“Take a nap,” he tells her. “I’ll wake you up when it’s time to take a break.”

“You mean you’ll wake me up before you go-go,” she grins, but she dodges his swatting hand and closes her eyes, resting her head against the window.

The drive isn’t half bad, even though the sentimental part of him wishes they were driving east so he could watch the sun come up. This way, the further they get into the morning hours, his gaze keeps slipping to the rearview mirror, not wanting to miss it.

He drives, drives, stops for gas, stretches his legs, and keeps driving. Before he knows it, Nancy wakes on her own, and they’re well past Pittsburgh.  In fact, they’re almost at Zanesville, and it’s nearing ten in the morning.

When Nancy realizes this, she gasps and smacks his shoulder several times. “Jonathan!”

“What?”

“You’ve been driving almost eight hours.”

“I wasn’t tired,” he defends, even though he knows it’s still not exactly reasonable. He’s had, what, three and a half hours of sleep? She gives him a look, like god, why do I love this idiot, and it makes him grin sheepishly in a way that makes them both think of Steve, somehow.

Which makes sense because he swears, Steve makes him a little bit stupid.

He will not examine this fact right now, though.

“At the next stop, we’re switching,” she tells him, glaring a little. He can tell she’s reluctantly well-rested, though, and they both know she is much happier about it than she will ever admit when she says, “I guess at least now we can skip that power nap, get there a little earlier. I need to … walk around a bit first, though. My bones feel like I’ve been stuffed into a moving box for two days.”

Rather than agreeing, Jonathan just cracks his stiff neck, laughing when the sound makes her crinkle her nose in disgust. He needs a stretch, too, he really does; his gas foot feels like he’s been flexing it for hours, and he’s pretty sure his ass has fallen asleep. He can’t feel the right half, anymore, and it’s decidedly not a pleasant experience.

“Also, we’re getting breakfast. Gas station food sucks, but I am starving.”

“There’s a box of pasta salad in my backpack,” he offers, even though pasta salad is really just a fancy way of referring to yesterday’s cold lunch. “Knock yourself out. I had some before we left, so I’ll probably just get a donut, or something.”

“You ate pasta salad at two in the morning?” Nancy asks, scandalized as if they haven’t done the same thing with leftover pizza after sharing his last bit of pot or staying up too long studying and … studying. He raises his eyebrow at her, and her judgmental expression melts into a knowing quirk of her lip, an admission of complicity. She starts looking for the box, then, and calls him an idiot for forgetting to bring a fork.

She eats it with her free hand instead of waiting to see if they’d have any at the rest stop, and he falls a little bit more in love with her when she drops a bit of pasta, it falls right into her hoodie, and she begins laughing so hard that she almost chokes.

Robin starts calling at seven and manages to shake Steve out of bed by eight, when he stumbles to the phone with a big yawn and a world of annoyance.

“’lo?” he mutters into the phone, the absolute most anyone could expect of him at this ungodly hour on a Saturday.

“Steve! God, finally –“

“Robin, what the fuck?” He keeps the phone by his ear and drags the chord to the kitchen, where he turns on the coffee maker. “Why are you calling me at –“

“It’s Nancy,” she interrupts him, and only then does he recognize that tone in her voice. It isn’t angry Robin, or excited Robin, even though both sound just as frantic as she does now. It’s terrified Robin. And she’s scared because of Nancy.

He stills.

“What? What do you mean –“

“She’s – not here! I was out late last night, I don’t know if she was still here then because I figured she was in bed, and you know she always has to park super far away from the building, but this morning I realized her keys were gone, and so were her shoes, and she doesn’t have class or any of her other stuff today because she has this big paper due next Thursday, and she cancelled all her clubs and shit for that.”

“I – Robin,” he interrupts, trying to be calm, even though it feels counterintuitive. “Don’t you think she could have just … gone out? To … to the library, or to go shopping, or …?”

“She never takes the car for that. She only uses it when she’s leaving the city.”

“So maybe she went to see Jonathan.”

“I tried calling him. His roommate says he hasn’t seen him, but he ‘took all the food’, which is probably an overstatement, knowing that guy, but – anyway, Jonathan is also gone. I just – I don’t have a good feeling about this, Steve.”

The truth is, neither does Steve. Steve is, in fact, freaking the hell out as he’s standing there in his kitchen, not at all tired, anymore. He tries grasping for logic, that they might have just … gotten together to have a picnic, or something, but …

But suddenly it occurs to him that while he’s been hesitating to leave Hawkins unprotected, he’s been doing the exact same thing to them.

“She didn’t leave a note? Anything to say where she’s going?” Robin’s silence speaks volumes, and Steve feels the dread growing like a shadow in him, looming and dark, always behind him.

Nancy wouldn’t just disappear without telling anyone. Neither would Jonathan. Not after everything that’s happened. He takes the little bit of coffee the machine has produced from the pot and mentally starts looking for his car keys. “I’m coming over there.”

He makes decent progress, despite the little bit of morning traffic that actually affects Hawkins, but breaking every speed limit he can get away with costs gas, and he has to stop a little over half an hour outside of Columbus to fill up the tank. He uses the payphone outside to call Robin to see if there have been any news, but now she isn’t answering, and he feels himself panic even more.

Maybe she’s just in the bathroom, or something, he tells himself. He should call again in a few minutes, maybe get something to eat in the meantime. He hasn’t eaten at all since last night.

His mind switching between Boston and New York, he walks back inside, finding a couple of things he normally enjoys in the snack aisle. He doesn’t feel particularly hungry, but he still goes through the motions of picking them out, swiping his card at the register, and lodging them under his arm to carry back to the car.

When he turns away from the cashier, he bumps into the guy behind him and drops all of it.

“Shit, sorry,” he mutters, already crouching down to pick up his good. He feels like he should get a pass for being clumsy under the circumstances, but it’s not like this guy knows that, and –

“Steve?” the guy says, having joined him on the ground to help him out, and when Steve’s head snaps up, yeah, sure thing, that’s Jonathan Byers right there in front of him. Steve almost thinks he’s hallucinating, but he doesn’t think he’s imaginative enough to come up with such an accurate image of that perplexed expression.  

He drops everything he’s picked up right back down again and squishes Jonathan into a hug that probably surprises Steve himself just as much as it does Jonathan.

“Uh, hi?” Jonathan’s voice is muffled against the fabric of Steve’s sweater, but he’s slowly reciprocating the hug, so it’s fine. It’s fine. It’s Jonathan. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I – oh god, is Nancy with you? Please tell me she’s –“

“Yeah, yeah, she’s outside,” Jonathan says, and then he’s pulling away, aiming a worried frown at Steve. “What’s wrong?”

“What are you doing here?” Steve exclaims, then, jumping up from the ground and realizing they’re still right in front of the register, right in the middle of that gas station. At least it’s not a popular one; their only audience is the guy who just rang Steve up a minute ago, and he looks like his job has long bored him to death, and he is now just a corpse with a mysteriously acquired ability to stand more or less upright.

“We’re – we wanted to see you.” The way it comes out is an almost indignant kind of stammer, but clearly embarrassed. Jonathan is looking at Steve but only kind of, and Steve can’t remember when he stood up, even less so when he crossed his arms over his chest so defensively.

Steve would tease him about it if he wasn’t so busy staring at him, open-mouthed, confused, and a little bit angry in the wake of the whole scare. And then there’s that other feeling, the one he’s gotten so incredibly good at ignoring.

Steve seems to be taking too long to reply because eventually, Jonathan goes back to stammering. Which is weird because Jonathan has never, ever been bad at silences.

“It’s just – Nancy called last night, and it was kind of insane because I was just hanging out at the apartment and being kind of miserable about how much I missed her and how … long it’d been since I’d seen you, and then she called and said we should drive back to Hawkins because apparently she was the same way, so …“

“So you just … took off in the middle of the night to – visit me?”

If Steve thought Jonathan looked embarrassed before, he doesn’t know what to call this. He only knows he’s never seen him this red in the face.

“I guess…”

It’s then that they’re interrupted, again not by a new customer but by Nancy, this time. She’s got her wallet out, is looking for something in it, and speaking as she walks into the gas station.

“Are you having trouble with your card again?” she asks, probably because she’s been wondering why on earth Jonathan has been taking so long to pay for their gas. “I keep telling you, you need to call the bank to get you a new one, this is getting – Steve?”

And, okay, so Steve already knew that she was fine, Jonathan already told him, more or less, what’s going on, but he swears, Nancy is still the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in his entire life right then. He barely knows what to say, and then Nancy helps him out.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, and only then does it occur to him that he never answered Jonathan when he asked him this a minute ago.

Priorities need to be set, though. Rather than answer her question, he does the same thing he did with Jonathan and pulls her into a big, extended hug. She goes a lot more willingly than Jonathan, even though she still seems beyond confused, and even when she pulls back, she leaves her arms around him.

“I – Robin called me,” he finally says, and he can watch every muscle in her face transform from pleasant surprise into some kind of horror.

“Shit,” she says. “Oh god, I – I didn’t leave a note!”

He snorts at that. “Yeah, no shit. You know how scared we’ve been?” He looks over his shoulder at Jonathan, who’s wearing a similar expression. “How is it both of you just decided to disappear without telling a single soul where on earth you’re going?”

“Shit, she didn’t call my mom, did she?”

Steve shakes his head, even though that’s really not what he wants to talk about, right now. “I radioed Will to check if he knew anything and told him not to tell her until I called. But he’s definitely going to be pissed when he finds out about this. Actually, so am I – what were you thinking? What if something had happened to you, and nobody would have known where to even start looking?”

Nancy’s hands around him land on his shoulders, then, squeezing reassuringly just like she used to do, eons ago. He wants to keep catastrophizing, but she stops his last resolve with a small smile. “I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to worry anyone, really. We just … really wanted to see you.”

And really, who could expect Steve to be mad about that? When they keep saying it like that? Part of him wants to resent the easy way Nancy’s echo of Jonathan’s words melts him into something warm and far more relaxed than he’s felt since he woke up this morning, but even that he can’t really hold onto.

“Well, it’s still stupid,” he mutters petulantly, but he pulls her back into another quick hug and lets go feeling a lot less wound up. “I’m gonna go back outside and call Robin.”

Jonathan finds him outside a minute later with Steve’s forgotten snack haul piled up in his arms, leaning against the wall as Steve talks to Robin.

“I know, they’re idiots,” he says, pointedly, which gets him one of those funny little Jonathan-smiles that make him feel all mushy and stupid. Considering the fact that they just nearly caused some sort of national search because they wanted to see him, he lets himself feel the mush for once and grins back. “But they’re really, really sorry and will totally make it up to us.”

“Did they say that or is it just wishful thinking?” Robin asks, but she sounds a hundred times better than when they last spoke, so it’s alright.

“They may not have said it in words, but it’s not like this doesn’t give us a lot of leverage. Anyway, apparently, I’m so incredibly awesome that they both just hadto up and –”

“Oh, hi, Robin,” Jonathan cuts in, snatching the phone from Steve. “Yeah, we’re really sorry about all this. It was pretty late, and it was kind of, uh, an impulsive thing. So we weren’t thinking straight. We didn’t mean to worry anyone, really.”

Steve watches him talk, even though he can’t hear Robin’s replies anymore. He can fill in her parts in his head, more or less accurately, but he doesn’t know what she says to make Jonathan go all pink in the face again.

Finally, Nancy joins them and demands her turn, by which time Steve has to put the third quarter into the phone’s coin slot. She talks to Robin for a little while, apologizing yet again for the scare and promising she’ll bring her back a truck’s load of those knock-off Heath bars she insists are so much better than the real deal, and Steve opens a bag of cookies while they wait for her to finish, offering one to Jonathan.

When Nancy hangs up the phone, all three of them stand silently by the phone for a minute, hovering around the inevitable what now.

“So…” Steve eventually breaks into the quiet.

“So?” Nancy echoes, something amused but not fully self-assured in her smile. Jonathan, beside her, suddenly looks even more nervous, so Steve gives both of them what he hopes is a somewhat reassuring grin.

“You two have any plans tonight?”

They end up at Steve’s place, on account of Nancy and Jonathan both being worried that if their families know they’re in town, they’ll ‘monopolize all of their time again’.

Steve has to stop himself from smiling when Nancy says that. She still blushes a little.

“I mean, I love them! And I miss them, and all that, but – we didn’t really get to see you when we were here for the holidays.”

“You know, Robin said you had some big paper due,” Steve says, looking between the two people on his couch. “Cleared your schedule for it and all. Not that I’m complaining, but – you know. You’re you.”

Miraculously, this makes her blush even more. After some prodding, she admits that she finished it all up yesterday in a productive streak, and that she might have wildly overestimated the amount of work it would be, which honestly sounds about right. He always knew she would continue overkilling it in college the same way she did in high school.  

“Oh, so you only came here because you didn’t have anything better to do,” he sniffs, anyways, and she swats at him but still has to smile at the overstated pout that his laughter really wants to break through. “No, no, I see how it is.”

“Oh, shut up!” she laughs. Jonathan, pressed against her other side, watches the scene with something like fond exasperation until Nancy turns on him, her face suddenly taken over with a grin like she’s only now remembering he’s here, and she snaps her head back to Steve in excitement. “Oh my god, I almost forgot. You won’t believe what Jonathan did last night!”

“What did he –“

“Nothing, don’t believe anything she says!”

“No, no, this is gold because – when I picked up Jonathan last night –“

“Libel!” Jonathan squeaks, wrapping an arm around Nancy’s waist and pressing the other down on her mouth as she keeps laughing. She tries licking his hand, wriggling in his arms, but she isn’t really fighting him. He isn’t holding onto her nearly strong enough to keep her in place if she was really trying. “Lies, slander, I - Steve, Nancy is trying to defame me, and I want you to know that you cannot believe anything that comes out of her mouth. She’s – she’s turned over to the yellow press, she’s –”

But Steve doesn’t respond. When Jonathan looks over at him, he’s watching them with a grin, like he isn’t even aware of it, and Nancy seems to notice it too because she stops squirming and stares back at Steve as well.

“What?” Jonathan eventually asks, suddenly self-conscious again. He isn’t usually like this in front of anyone but Nancy.

Steve’s eyes snap to his, but the smile doesn’t dim at all.

“Nothing,” he says, though his tone of voice suggests otherwise. “Just ... it's good to see you two.”

In his arms, Jonathan can feel Nancy soften, leaning back until her back is flush against his chest, his hands now both loose around her middle. There's been this understanding between them for a while. This understanding that means that Nancy knows exactly that he, too, is looking at Steve, and that he knows with just as much certainty that Nancy feels a similar warmth stirring in her at Steve’s words.

And maybe it's obvious. By all means, it really should be, if not from their calling at any given opportunity just to hear his voice, then from today, from the way they drove for hours and hours just because they couldn't stand missing him anymore.

But Steve was there too, several hours out of Hawkins, ready to cross state lines after they went missing for just a few hours. Worried out of his mind, embracing them with an inevitability like he's a compass and they’re north, and really, can there be an explanation for them finding each other like this that is any less significant than the earth's magnetic field?

Steve looks at them like that, now, like it’s a law of nature. Like he knows he can’t turn away, and he doesn’t mind at all. Jonathan thinks that the space that this look is taking up under his sternum might kill him, and he’d let it.

It’s Nancy who eventually braves the silence between them, reaching her hand out for his wrist and tugging him closer. She smiles, and Steve looks so openly hopeful that Jonathan frees one of his own hands to put on top of Nancy’s.

“It’s good to see you, too, Steve.”

The tension isn’t uncomfortable, but something has shifted, and it stays. Still, they spend the rest of the afternoon catching up, and it feels easy, just talking like that. Nancy talks about the adventures of living with Robin, the things they’re finding they have in common the more time they spend with each other. Jonathan talks about this impossibly pretentious guy in one of his classes and lets Steve tease him about it like, see, now you know how we feel.

Steve, for his part, gives them the weekly highlights of town gossip (Mrs. Baker left her bastard husband, good for her; the new mayor proposed another attempt at a mall and was unanimously shut down; a senior from Hawkins High was caught selling weed behind the school, only for Hopper to let him off with a warning because fuck Reagan, and I’m not ruining some idiot kid’s future over some fucking weed, Harrington, who do you take me for?). They ask him how he knows all that, which is how he realizes he hasn’t told them about his new job.

“Shit, that’s right! You know Flo? From the police station?” The question earns him two equally confused glances, which he willfully ignores because he knows they know her, and they’ll get why he’s talking about her in a minute, either way. “Anyway, she got sick a few weeks back, and I guess they never realized how much she was actually doing because once she wasn’t there anymore, everything kind of erupted into chaos. Hop knew I was looking to make some extra money, so he asked me if I wanted to be her stand in.”

“That’s … cool,” Jonathan says, like he doesn’t know if he’s supposed to think it’s cool. It makes Steve laugh, which makes Jonathan blush, which makes Steve’s cheeks hurt.

“It’s alright. Turns out I’m pretty alright at talking –“ Nancy gives him a no shit kind of look for that. “– and the hours aren’t bad. Besides, now that Flo’s back, it’s nowhere near as stressful.”

“They kept you on?” Nancy asks, surprised. “Even though she’s back?”

Steve shoots her a wry grin, like, see, I can keep a job. “Bunch of apocalypses are bound to make people paranoid, so there are a lot of calls to take. We got, like, several lines now. All the paperwork on top of that …”

“Sounds like you’re having a good time.”

The weird thing is, he really is. And he’s still saving money, and he's still planning to up and follow Robin into that wide, wide world, but for the first time in a very long time, he’s letting himself feel like it’s some idea of where he’s going.

Not that he wants to spend the rest of his life behind a desk. God, no. It's all the people that call, that come and go every day, looking for help. On some rare occasions, Steve is the one who gets to help them, in some small way, and he's realized that that's kind of the one thing he's really good at.

“You know that kid?” he says, by the way of nothing at all. Nancy cocks her head, that curious expression in her wide-as-the-sea eyes, and Jonathan frowns at him softly, nothing like the way he used to. “Ryan White, some middle schooler from up in Kokomo. Non-Hawkins news weren’t really top priority for a while with everything that was ... going on, last year, but Robin told me about it, and then I started following it … You’ve heard of him, right?”

There’s a short silence, and for that moment, Steve gets weirdly nervous. He tries to focus on Jonathan’s teeth pulling at the skin of his lower lip, but it only makes him nervous for a different reason, until he nods, slowly. “He’s the one who got sick, right?”

Steve hums, yes, that’s one way of putting it. “The one they wouldn’t let back into school. Someone shot through their living room window, did you know that? Just put a bullet through it.”

“God,” Nancy whispers.

“Nobody was home. They’re moving to Cicero, now that he’s finished with middle school. But I swear, the kid is what – fifteen? And he’s dying, and he has to deal with all of this bullshit on top of it all. And … it all makes me so mad when I think about it, which I do too much because I have way too much free time – ‘cause it’s not fair, right? And what else is not fair is that probably tons of other people are having the exact same issues but get none of the help or the – national fucking attention, whatever, none of that support and nobody cares. It makes me so angry, I could –“

Maybe they’re staring again. Maybe Steve has talked himself into half a rampage and gotten off-track from where he was originally going with this. Nancy is staring, and Jonathan is staring, both with those soft frowns that should be infuriating, should feel infuriating because they should be screaming of dear god, look at Steve, he really has been cooped up in here for too long. He’s turning into some Murray Baumann of obsessing over civil rights.

But it isn’t. They’re both looking at him like that, but it doesn’t feel condescending or pitying or even like they don’t understand. Which makes sense because – who is he talking to? There are two of the most empathetic and socially aware people he knows, even if he wouldn’t even have been able to identify them as that until Robin taught him what on earth that means.

“Yeah,” Jonathan finally mutters. “Yeah, no, I know what you mean. It’s – well, New York is bad. People out here are still pretending it isn’t happening, mostly, but back there, you can’t. … Sometimes you walk past an apartment building in a certain part of town, and you see a whole – a whole life in the dumpster behind it. Just thrown out because there was nobody who would or could claim it.”

The soft, warm tone of his voice has Steve deflating a little from the rigid stance he’s worked himself into. Nancy reaches out her right foot to nudge him with her socked toes. He sighs.

“I just – I want to do something. To help people, to – ” Steve manages. It’s the first time he says it out loud; he hasn’t even talked this over with Robin, not that there’s much to talk about, not that she isn’t the one who got him here in the first place, in a way. “I mean, I want to do something where I can help people like that, you know? People who don’t have anyone to back them up. I just … don’t know how.”

“Have you thought about …” Nancy begins. “I mean, maybe Hopper could help you –“

“Oh, no, no,” Steve cuts in. Maybe, maybe he’s gotten up by now, pacing back and forth in front of the couch like they can solve the whole question of his future right here, right now. “No offence to Hopper, the guy is a saint, but – well, for one thing, everything in the past couple years hasn’t really got me jumping up and down to work for the government in like, any way or form. And then – everything that Hopper’s done that makes him a great guy is also what kind of makes him a shitty police man? I mean, the police don’t exactly protect people, do they? They protect – I don’t know, the law? And the law doesn’t usually protect the people who really need it, so I just don’t –“

A hand on his wrist cuts him off, and he’s a little surprised that it’s attached to Jonathan, this time. In his endless mental list of maybes, Steve finds himself wondering if he’s staring at Jonathan, now, if turning to face him has left them just the slightest bit too close to one another.

“Uh,” he says, eloquently.

“I’m saying this in the kindest possible way – because you going all anti-establishment is weirdly, unfairly hot – and don’t you dare tell her I said this, but meeting Robin really is the best thing that ever happened to you.”

“She knows,” Steve replies, almost automatically, then clamps his mouth shut and abruptly lets it drop open again. “Wait, did you –“

Jonathan snatches his hand away like he's burned himself, so maybe he himself didn't realize what just came out of his mouth. He really does blush so drastically. It’s a little bit addictive to look at. There are a few seconds where both of them just sort of ... gape at each other, lost for words in this inane situation.

Nancy, fortunately, has always been rather impatient with them and cuts through their silence with an exasperated groan.

“For God's sake,” she says, with both of the others now staring at her instead, like waiting for her to tell them what happens next. “Will you just –“

She doesn't get to finish. She doesn't need to finish, really, because apparently her and Jonathan still share that strange psychic connection between them, so that Jonathan gets the message just fine.

They're kissing, and Steve never even saw it coming.

It somehow just happens like this. One moment, Steve is rambling about the … evils of the world, and the next, Jonathan Byers is kissing him like he doesn't know if it's allowed, and he'll give it his all just in case it's all that he's going to get. Maybe, Steve is kissing back the way he is for the same reason, or maybe it's just to prove that Jonathan is wrong. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Before he knows it, they’re pulling apart, breathless like marathon runners, but more from the shock than from exertion. More like the adrenaline of having slain the monster and lived rather than the endurance it took to get there.

Nancy doesn't give him the chance to catch his breath before she takes over from where Jonathan left off, and yes, he thinks dizzily, maybe this is that homesick feeling he's been having. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Well, he doesn't have to miss them tonight, or even tomorrow. And maybe, just maybe he is finally ready to come with them, find a place somewhere that can be a home they can all come back to, eventually. Hawkins has Hopper, Joyce, El, and the other kids there to look after it, look after each other. From the way the two of them keep looking at him after they part, he gets the feeling that he might be needed elsewhere.

[borderline-sociopath]

I made a list of all the smaller or bigger details that I found important on Young Royals.

Some of them are the happy ones but also the ones that devastate me included. They are in chronological order.

Episode 1

Wilhelm has these small manerisms he does due to his training. Like when he stands up, he buttons his jacket as is proper.

Wilhelm being seemingly annoyed by people treating him differently (like Alexander getting his bags), and especially when they want to photograph him doing vain shit.

When Simon starts to sing, the boy (Vincent?) ask him this ”ursäkta, skulle du kunna sjunga lite högre?” And in finnish and english its translated as ”louder”, but im adamant the boy meant it as ”higher”, as to mock Simons voice.

The way some of the characters slip in these english phrases in the swedish they talk.

Felices ”those” hands in Maddies hair…

Sara teaching Ayub how to formally arrange the cutlery on the table.

Simon comforting his mom about their standing in school

Wilhelm telling the other 1st yearers off for trying to impress him by copying.

Simon looking Wilhelm from head to toe and calling out his family for the money they receive.

Wilhelm introducing himself to Simon even everyone knows who he is.

Wilhelm nearly dropping his knife when making Simon smile.

At the initiation party Wilhelms cheer ”hur sjönk Vasa? Botten upp!” (How did Vasa sink? Bottoms up!)

Alexanders heart-glasses at the party

Simons neon halo at the party

Wilhelm singin Takes a fool to remain sane drunk af

Simon little shit trying to annoy Wilhelm by repeating August’s call.

Episode 2

Wilhelm glancing carefully at Simon after being saved by being forced on the table during eating.

Simon being seemingly terrified on the rowing boat

Rosh and Ayub teasing Simon on his rowing training.

Wilhelm holding it together until August leaves the room while speaking to Erik and then letting his reaction come.

”What do you mean intensive? He is hysterical!”

Simons and Wilhelms small glances after planking

While August invades the table Wilhellm and Simon are studying, Wilhelm is just sitting there like ”please kill me”

Nils throwing Madison with Hubba Bubba gum while studying and the girl beside her thorwing a pencil at Nils for retaliation (this kinda shit teens actually do!)

Wilhelms red lightstrip

Wilhelm having a nervous breakdown after waiting for his crush to answer

Wilhellms little mediation moment before answering Simon

Girls greeting the prince at the skatepark

Wilhelm wearing the red lightstrip

Wilhelms face when August is talking about how examplary Simon is.

Wilhelm indistically reaching to Simon during the jump scare.

Willes pinky touching Simons leg

Wille shying away just for a second before kissing Simon properly for the first time just because he has no idea what he is doing.

Episode 3

Wilhelm figuring out Simon cant read the notes

Willhelms realisation when he sees Simon in the changing room

Wilhelm trying to desperately invite Simon to spend time with him during parents weekend and ending up being a total mess

The rap song playing when the parents arrive

Vincents mom trying to tie his tie properly

Simons and Wilhelms looks while they all sing the Hillerska song

Wille being fed up with Augusts photoshoot

Wilhelm groaning while admiting to Erik that there is someone special

Simon messing up the introduction of Wilhelm and his mother

Simons impressions being ashamed when Rosh scolds him

Sara: ”Have you kissed the prince???”

Wilhelms panic slowly building before he is escorted to answer the phone.

Episode 4

Wilhelms whole appearance is changed after what happened

Wilhelm being made to walk first after the coffin

All the students watching the funeral struck with grief and Alexander being devastated

Wilhelm abandoning the official paper and speaking freely

Wille huggin the headmistress tight

Wilhelm exploding on the bodyguards for wanting to be left alone for just a moment

Malin refusing to let August in to see Wilhelm

Saras reactions and laugh when August kisses her.

Augusts and Wilhelms spontaneous shouting in the night

Wilhelms ”Fuck” reaction at the football field.

”Are you mad at me?”

Willes groan before he confesses that he remembers telling Simon he likes him

Simon sweeping away Willes hair after telling him he also likes him.

The song Live and Die by Gina Dirawi <3

Episode 5

Malin pretending there arent 2 teenagers behind the door giggling and making out

Simon: ”Tack Malin”

Simon asking Wilhelm to come to visit him in Bjärnstad ”Snälla~” (Please~)

Wilhelm picking up breakfast for Simon since he didnt get any

Sara looking straight at Wilhelm when Simon says he didnt sleep at home

”The water is cold today! So you know.”

Wilhelm and Simon circulating one another in Simons room nervous af

Malin and Linda sitting in the livingroom drinking tea pretending their dependents arent having sex in the next room.

Wilhelm finally standing up for Simon in the Society meeting

Closeup on Wilhelms face when he admits that he is afraid of losing Simon since he is the only one he can really talk to

Samurai Swords by Highasakite playing during the scene <3

The teacher calling Simons voice angelic.

Episode 6

No one ever bringing up the ”are you gay?” guestion on Wilhelm.

Wilhelm just wanting to be held rolling in his bed.

Henry trying to defuse the tension by asking if Wilhelm saw the game yesterday.

Wille resting his head on Simons shoulder and Simon caressing his hair.

Wille resting his head on Simons lap.

How are you? I feel like throwing up.

Simon greeting the queen shakily and her reaching her hand to Simon.

Besides denying himself being in the video, Wilhelm also stated that he does not want to be in a relationship during his studies.

Single tear rolling down on Willes cheek during the ”I dont want to be anyones secret” scene.

Wille holding back bursting into tears when walking back to car.

The phones light reflecting on Willes face when he hung up after his moms betrayal.

Simon closing his eyes to embrace Wille.

The Look.

[daimonhalos]

Appreciation post for the eggpire and more during the red banquet cause I'm not seeing enough love for how well they organized and delivered and because I'm so proud of cc!Bad for how far the Bloodvines arc has gone ♥ (this stuff is from Bad's vod btw)

Also something to cheer people up a bit in case the lore got u hard like it got me cause I'm still not okay bestie <3

The starting soon screen being an animation (with glitches to show another frame!!) plus the jazzy electro-swing soundtrack underneath. Just such a good intro, I felt like I was actually in the waiting line for an event, just awesome.

Ponk. Just Ponk, dapper man, handsome Ponk just standing there. Gorgeous, thank you, standing ovation, I love him.

Just everything Bad and Ant did with the building of the room, the stairs!! The coat room!!! The statues right in front of the table, everything looked SO pretty.

ANT MY BELOVED LOOKING HANDSOME AS ALWAYS I just loved all their outfits. The banquet's skins just SLAPPED HARD.

The little moment where Bad changed view of his character and we could see him, Ant and Ponk cwc

Bad singing >>>>>>>>>>

Everyone getting lost despite the oak signs

THE ARC ABOVE THE DANCEFLOOR, WHAT THE HELL YOO

Bad complimenting everyone on their outfits and giving out some gapples here and there

Bad also always repeating the same catchphrases

Sam just drinking copiously and the dumpy situation

People actually dancing + HBomb being the dj

Puffy walking around Bad to see his outfit and complimenting him, just felt like their old friendship cwc

FOOLISH GAVE BAD A FLOWER <3

Bad scolding George for not wearing an outfit (Sam's "his name is Gogy and he is beautiful")

"It's almost time for the feast. It's gonna be delicious." the foreshadowing

Everyone dancing together cwc

"minecraft dancing is speed squats" eret ilu

Bad and Ant complimenting moment ♥

The eggpire all on the same side of the table. Them

Ponk's little "Hello!" after Bad said he made the soup, plus everyone going "good job!!" just twt

When Bad started asking if anyone wanted to give a toast, I realized eventually that this was more of a disguised "Want to say your last words before death?" and it now sounds s o freaking cool. ye s

P O N K 'S S P E E C H

"you look beautiful right now" sam i will cry

When in the middle of his speech, Bad turns to Ant who's already looking at him, nods, Ant nods back, and as Bad turns around again we can see Ant walking away from his seat. I am OBSESSED with this scene, like you already know something is about to go down and oh gosh it was delivered so good

THE LAVA COMING DOWN FROM THE CEILING AS BAD KEPT TALKING, NONE NOTICING, HIM TALKING ABOUT HOW THE BANQUET WILL BE UNFORGETTABLE. SO HOT

"And yeah! Thank you for coming everybody" the little mischievous giggles right after "And prepare uh ... yep. Prepare to die." AND THEN HE FUCKIGN DRINKS FROM HIS GLASS LIKE COME ON YOU CANT BE ANY COOLER THAN THAT YOOO

"The leaf is staying the way it is" you can hear the laughter in his voice like HAH GOTTEM that's so good

Bad still giving Hbomb gapples cwc

"Where you looking for this perchance?" AND THEN EQUIPS THE ENTIRE ARMOR AND WEAPONS E Y E when the twists started dude. this si where the twists started and never ended

HANNAH CROSSING SIDES AND SIDING WITH THE EGGPIRE. QUEEN SHIT that was such a cool moment for her i'm so glad she's getting her moment

The eggpire laughing, just pure villainy, love them

"Time to get on the main event" the nonchalance. The way they equipped the crossbows and readied the arrows at the same time. B r u h fucking awesome they are

The eggpire faking being afraid when Sam was talking about blowing the egg up. Sad that we already knew about the obsidian thing, but still made it a very cool scene. Especially right after when they started laughing at them again. I don't know what it is about it but I love them being so sassy.

FREAKING EXECUTIONS THEY WORKED FOR MASS EXECUTIONS they were able to trap all those freaking people!! And trick them and counter attack all the time! what the fuck, I'm so impressed

Thank you Fundy for sounding super terrified /gen ♥

Wait ahah they really said EGGSECUTION-

THE EGG HATCHES THE EGG HATCHES THE EGG HATCHES im not saying IT but im saing Velvet

"Follow me! Follow me!" HANNAH SOUNDED SO ENTHUSIASTIC i love

"We trusted you!" "Well, that was your first mistake-" THE WAY BAD WAS ABOUT TO LAUGH. DUDE they definitely had so much fucking fun making this

sassyboyhalo

Foolish acting thank u ily. Also the thunder not working what the heck i wanna know what was going on inside his mind right then he sounded so lost. THE ACTING

"Sacrifice!" Hannah idk how to say this but I love you

ANT MOMENTTTT

When puffy called them selfish i was expecting bad to just do a huge double take. I wanted him to snap immediately PLEASE SNAP-

BAD DELIVERING AGAIN WITH THE AMAZING ACTING

"Not just for the egg but for what the egg is going to give us" he's so desperately trying to make them udnerstand it promised him his friend back he literally mentions it every single time but everyone calls him selfish because they think he wants power when he just wants skeppy's friendship back in this essay I will- Anyway yes I love that he never explicitly says it because it kills us viewers with pain cause we KNOW and then the reveal will be 100 times more powerful. This is so awesome

"I can't stop Quackity and you know why I can't stop. If I stop I can't get what I need." his voice grew so much lower like he's just holding back MAN I HH IT WAS SO GOOD

SECRET RETREAT ROOM YOOO

Ponk giving Bad some food and telling him to stay safe, Bad telling both Hannah and Ponk to stay safe too. My tears

And now the solo Bad lore part, where we actually see the true part of him that's absolutely devastated and makes me cry, the way he acted all confident and then saw everything crumble in a few seconds and now he's destroyed again because what if they find a way to destroy the egg what then? what if he never gets skeppy back? dude, you can just read his emotions it's so sad and i love how it was portrayed

"I know where I can go. I know who I can see!" BDI REF BDI REF FOR SURE I have a feeling that's going to be explained in the next lore stream with Skeppy and I'm so hype. I love the little crumbs of references here and there.

"But now they have it.." he sounded so broken??? bad your acting please ill cry

"I didn't really want to hurt anybody" his true self trying to get back cwc especially because he's farther away from the egg. I just love the transition between the guy Bad portrays who's so sure about the egg when it's in front of others and the doubts and anxiety he actually has when he's alone. Just so cool

"Did I screw up?" im just pointing out everything that moves me emotionally cause these people's acting is so cool

Ending the stream with simple black background my beloved

Okay but really I'm so so so proud of the ccs for making this happen and it's only going upwards, I'm literally so in awe, they really said go big or go home

Free space for Ant's villain speech I wasn't able to hear yet, but they said it was v cool, so I'm trusting people on this

Thank you for listening, stan Bloodvines arc /hj

If I made typos no I didn't

[waters-and-the-wilde]

hi for the love of god hello you got me thinking about. protector goddess Juno. again. the way his voice gets. around baby rabbits and scared kids and Rita when she's down on herself. hell even the way he was around Diamond in the flashbacks. when the nurturing streak is allowed to come through. the care and affection and the way it's been there the whole time, it's not new it's just finally getting more and more chances to flourish.

i am blowing kisses at your clingy Juno take bc like. so much of his pushing people away had so much to do with not being able to trust the idea of wanting good things for himself and getting them, right? like ofcourse god yeah even when he was in the thick of it he wanted connection so bad he'd still kiss that thief before arresting him and know he got more than he deserves. he had to hide it from himself as long as he considered it a weakness but DEAR GOD FUCK I JUST REMEMBERED THE PLANT IN THE DARK BIT AND NOW IM HAVING AN EMOTION AGAIN. ANYWAY. he craves affection and wants to bestow affection soooooo bad he's gonna be unstoppable when he can do that with impunity!!!!

and then. ooouuuugghhhh. Nureyev going off(tm) about the illusion of safety in Heart of It All. like the Thing that haunts me about Nureyev is that it's not like he doesn't know that you have to rely on other people, theoretically and more than theoretically, it's not that he doesn't want desperately to trust and be trusted, it's just that. between Mag and the Dokana mindfuckery and the FRP incident and Dokana Round Two Electric Boogaloo. the other shoe has dropped on him so many times, past experience has created a very convincing case for the idea that letting his guard down is like inherently going to lead to I Am Alone And I Will Not Forget That and/or Terrible Things Happen To People Close To Me And It's All My Fault. like he's got to choose to make that leap to actually accept help and then he's got to keep choosing it Every Time

fuck now you've also got me thinking about. one of the bad days he gets kinda snappish and pulls the haughty condescending shtick on Rita and Juno's about to lay into him for it and Rita's like. 'hold up boss i love you but he ain't said nothing I didn't get from baby Mista' Steel on a good day. c'mon Mista Nureyev is that all you got?'

boom. devastation: comprehensive. mortification: absolute. the last time Nureyev had his bluff called that fast by someone who knew exactly what they were doing. was probably the Con Bono conversation with Buddy. he evaporates from the room. slinks the fuck off with his tail between his legs. picks every single lock in his collection. takes a stress nap. Disappears for a while and comes back with an apology and the weirdest chocolates he could find. Rita wasn't even that upset bc she wasn't even taking it seriously and just wanted to make sure he knew that he was being a bit of an ass but she doesn't tell him that bc she's not about to pass up weird chocolates.

also while i'm here i bet overblown gestures are like enrichment for him and it does him good to have someone around for whom that goes over well. he's probably a little fucked in the head about stuff like reciprocity and 'trying to make up for something only it's never enough' so being able to fuck up in small ways and offer something tangible as part of the acknowledgment of it and having it accepted and forgiven is like. also a very necessary part of that healing process and a very neat and symbiotic thing to have as part of his relationship with Rita who is both a lot better at standing up for herself now but also generally finds it easy to let other peoples' nonsense roll off

Juno. Feels Weird About the fact that just the threat of being compared to baby Mista' Steel is enough to get Nureyev to catch himself but hey, a lady can't argue with the results

hehe scenario. jupeter coming out the other side of All That with a bit of 'wow you're just straight up a bit codependent but maybe that's actually the best-case scenario for you right now carry on fellas'

oh they've Had Their Talk in the aftermath, and, okay, it's agreed that they are Not Doing Romance because Nureyev needs Time To Grieve and it would be better to Take The Pressure Off Of Being In A Relationship and they will Reevaluate when Nureyev's had a chance to be a guy who doesn't have to worry about where his next meal is coming from. but also Like Hell is Juno just going to Leave Him Alone after all this. and the result is that they spend the Big Crash just. completely unhinged about each other. Nureyev's shot past 'feeling vulnerable around Juno scares the shit out of him' and well into 'raw nerves and gaping wounds and compound trauma and feeling vulnerable about literally anything and everything all the time and being around Juno is integral to not spiraling into the abandonment hell vortex'. meanwhile Juno's like 'holy shit Nureyev is letting me be there for him. this is already incredible progress'

u think they were insufferable on the Carte Blanche well. on the Carte Blanche Nureyev was still working on things like trusting Juno enough to let him back in at all and he Had An Image To Maintain and lots of Private Stuff to Deal With and Juno was still figuring out how not to be a prickly ass all the time and 'when is it appropriate to give your bf his space when your default mode is to Investigate Shit' and none of that is a going concern right now

'sometimes you gotta be a little bit mentally ill to handle the mental illness' they have so much separation anxiety and they are clipping their carabiners together. hooking pinky fingers and following each other when one needs to do something in the next room. where's Nureyev? sitting in Juno's lap again. his ass is experiencing 'nervous system doesn't know how to respond to the sudden removal of constant crushing dread and just goes fucking haywire at unpredictable intervals'. he gets random-ass panic attacks and there's only so much the breathing exercises and the grounding exercises and self-soothing techniques can do compared to 'Juno is here and he's fine and he's safe and he is more than happily providing prolonged physical contact' to get him to calm down on a physiological level

meanwhile Juno's like 'i chased this idiot across half the galaxy because he wouldn't ask for help and had to deal with him being all stone-faced and cold about it, do I look like i mind that he's clingy now? a lady does not need his personal space at this time. a lady is living for this. a lady is also maybe feeling clingy have u considered that'

everyone who isn't rita (idek who. melee? the other vivopolis refugees??) is assuming they are just getting a very bad grade in taking it slow and are barely humoring them about it. and neither bothers with denying the boyfriend allegations but it's not bc it's true it's they're just. too exhausted to get defensive about it

rita: and i mean they ain't actually smooching too loud in the kitchen or whatever

melee probably: he just came out of Juno's room wearing Juno's shirt

juno: he's a thief that's his shirt now

(12 hours earlier:)

nureyev: (shows up to juno's room at 3am) im sorry for waking you i had nightmares about [the bomb/the carte blanche raid/dokana capturing you] i just needed to see that you were alive and make sure im in the reality timeline and then i will go back to-

juno: get in loser we're watching bad cops

rita: hi mista' n do you want some of this blanket

nureyev: that's very kind but im afraid im

juno: yeah hold up he's like really sweaty im gonna get him a clean shirt

nureyev: you really don't need to-

juno: how are you even still standing up when you're shaking like that

nureyev: that is. an excellent question

juno: anyway welcome to the club i fired rita like an hour ago bc i had nightmares about her dying on the asteroid

rita: i had one where i was gettin chased by this big stompy plant monster with lotsa teeth and i had to distract it by throwing all my snacks behind me and then i was outta snacks and then i was up getting more snacks when mista' steel fired me

rita: you know i think only reason i ain't got separation anxiety about mista' steel is because we spent all that time in the ruby together while we were chasin' after you and that gets a gal over it real fast

juno: thanks rita :P

[xwing-baby]

I Don’t Trust You (Din Djarin x gn!Reader)

for @propertyofdindjarin​ - sorry its so late but i hope you enjoy this!!

Characters: Din Djarin x gn!reader (i dont think i used any gendered language in this but let me know if i did and ill change the tag)

Word Count: 8k (this really ran away with me lol)

Warnings: enemies to lovers, description of injury, canon level violence, little steamy (kissing, insinuated smut), threat of death, like one swear word, pre show! Din

Summary: The Mandalorian killed you two years ago, yet here you are alive and well on a different planet. The Mandalorian is called in to help you and your team of royal guards find a missing princess. Things go horribly wrong and you are left to journey home with your worst enemy...

A/N: shout out to the random radio 4 play that gave me the idea for the plot of this and to @propertyofdindjarin for the request for enemies to lovers! i’ve never done this trope before and im not sure if i really did it justice but i enjoyed writing it at least hahah i hope you like it too darling and thanks for requesting! 

--

“The Master is calling in reinforcements from a bounty hunter for this mission,” The general in charge of your squad spoke as the team dressed.

“Who?”

“A Mandalorian,” The general answered.

“We don’t need a Mandalorian,” You spoke up bitterly, looking up as you finally pulled your boots on. The general sighed, used to your defiance and vocal hatred of The Mandalorian. He rolled his eyes at your attitude.

“We need all the help we can get on this,”

“I don’t need a Mandalorian,” You corrected yourself.

“I don’t care about your opinion. My word is final. And besides, there is nothing you can do he is arriving… now,”

A knock at the door turned everyone’s heads. The general nodded and it was opened to reveal the shining armour of the Mandalorian. You scowled as you watched the Mandalorian swan into the room, newly polished armour glinting in the light. You frowned and turned your attention away from him, just the sight of him made you exasperated.

You didn’t understand why The Master would want to bring him in, he was expensive and more importantly an asshole. All the hard work you and your team would put in on this mission would undoubtedly be overshadowed by him. He would be praised no end and paid a handsome fee while you would probably be berated for not meeting his standard and not get any reward for returning the princess.

It was the second attempt to get the Master’s daughter back from her kidnappers. The first time had been a complete failure and caused the gang to go into deeper hiding. It had taken weeks to locate her new location, there was no room for error this time. The princess had to be returned.

The Mandalorian had noticed you the moment he entered the room. He was surprised to see you alive at all, he’d assumed you were dead, having killed you two years prior. But here you were in a brand new system, alive and well. He didn’t say a word on the matter, he’d been paid for your bounty already, it wasn’t his fault you had miraculously survived.

You sat in silence, glaring at the Mandalorian across the room, while the General spoke about the plan for the mission. You grumbled and rolled your eyes when he made suggestions. The nerve of him. Coming here invited and not trusting your plan. The grumble earned you a sharp elbow in the ribs and a hiss to shut up.

With the plan set, you began the long trip out to the location. It was far, a days trip by speeder at least. Across plains, over mountains, through valleys and finally to the destination. A small building atop a large hill. It was strangely open, considering how long it had taken to find. The sun was going down by the time you arrived. You were apprehensive to approach so quickly, wanting to wait out but you had no power amongst this group, especially with the Mandalorian validating the plan there was no way you’d win. The group dismounted the speeders mere feet from the entrance, loaded their guns and went inside, barely stopping for a second once their feet touched the ground.

You however did not follow. Ordered to stay outside, they didn’t trust you. You were to keep watch, not that there was anything to watch for. Two years on the planet and you were still considered an outsider. Your reputation had not preceded you but it quickly caught up. Within two weeks of your arrival, whispers of your real name had floated across the galaxy until it landed into the mouth of the Master. You were allowed to stay, only if you joined the royal guard to put your skills to use.

The royal guard didn’t trust you, used you as a scapegoat on any occasion and sent you in many suicide missions purely because you were expendable. But as even the Mandalorian knew, you were very hard to kill. You came back every single time with nothing more than a scratch. Instead of your action gaining their trust it bred jealousy and mistrust.

You scuffed around the site, listening out for signs that the mission was complete or anyone was in trouble. The moon rose slowly into the sky, stars appeared with it giving you some entertainment as you tried to spot the constellations familiar to you. A twinge of anxiety cut your stomach, they should have been out long ago. You should have followed to help

Suddenly, a bone-breaking thunderous sound erupted from below and the ground began to shake. You were frozen to the spot until your spot began to fall away. The ground beneath you shook and collapsed inwards. You scrambled out the way, moving to where the ground was stable again. The building your squad had gone inside had collapsed, screams and cries of terror could be heard from inside. The building fell, then fell further. All you could do was watch in horror as where the building once stood, a crater appeared. Dust plumed from the wreck, filling your lungs and scratching your eyes. You coughed and spluttered, shielding your face from it.

Soon the dust settled and things became clearer. The devastation was all that was left. And the Mandalorian. Stood alone on the opposite side of the great crater, he looked down into the hole for a moment, thinking, before making his way around to where you were. He didn’t stop to talk to you as he passed, simply readjusting his vambrace and walking away. Disturbed by his lack of reaction it took you a moment to react, you watched him walk a few paces ahead before running after him.

“Hey!” You called after him, “Where are you going?”

“There’s no speeders. We’ll have to walk,” He said, not stopping.

“They’ll kill us if we return without the princess!” You protested.

“They’ll kill you when you don’t return with the girl,” Mando corrected you, “Unless you want to walk climb in there and search through rubble, the only thing to do is walk back,”

“It’ll take days! There’s no way you’d make it back to the city in one piece,”

“Who said I was going back there?”

“You have to finish the job,”

“The job is finished,”

“You arrogant son of a bitch,” You scoffed as he continued to walk away. He picked up his pace, “I told Illana that we didn’t need you,” You shouted angrily. Din didn’t reply, trying to block out your whinging. “You’re a waste of money, everyone knows Mandalorians don't work well in teams. There’s a reason you all got wiped out,” You snarled. That comment bristled Din. He knew you were only baiting for a fight, angry your squad had died and he wasn’t going to give you what you wanted. It wasn’t advantageous for anyone, “What happened in there? You blow it up to make the job easier? You killed them all,”

Din ignored your questioning. He hadn’t killed them, he had barely made it out alive

“She was just a child and you killed her, for what? Tell me!”

He turned when he heard the load up of a blaster behind him. Your blaster, loaded and waiting in your hand was pointed at his back while he walked ahead. He whipped around just as fast, his blaster pointed at you too.

“Really?” He asked.

“Talk,”

“It was a trap,”

“Liar!” You shouted.

“The girl was tied to some kind of trap that blew up the mines below the building. I was not in the room when the extraction happened. I didn’t do anything,” He explained, you didn’t reply, grinding your teeth as you tried to get your head around it. “Why would I kill them? I needed her alive,”

You hated that he was making sense. There was no real logical reason for him to kill the princess. He needed her alive to get his payment just as you did. You glared at him, fingers twitching over your blaster.

“Keep walking,” You said sternly. You turned the safety back on to the blaster though never lowering it. Din lowered his weapon. “I’m not having you anywhere out of my sight. Can’t trust you as far as I could throw you,”

Din huffed in agreement and turned to continue walking. Your blaster wasn’t going to do anything more than scuff his armour, he didn’t worry about you attacking him from behind. If you’d wanted to kill him you would have tried by now. Whatever made this whole ordeal go faster was what he was going to do.

You walked across the grassy plain for hours in total silence. At least outwardly silent. In your mind, you were cursing his name in every language you knew to any deity you could think of. Cursing him, his stupid armour and his stupid helmet. You cursed the planet, you cursed the city, you cursed the entire universe for forcing you to be stuck with the one man you hated most. You wished you had followed the squad and died with them, it would be more pleasant than this. At least with the pace the Mandalorian kept, you were going to be back to the city in record time, this nightmare could end.

Soon the grass gave way to shrubs and weeds, trees that were rare before now crowded around you. You came to a path, well-trodden and open, surprisingly. If it was this clear it was only a good thing, you were on the right path back.

“Stop,” You ordered as the path forked out in two directions. Din had chosen one path already, a few paces ahead. He stopped and turned around to see what the problem was. You were facing the second path, motioning with your blaster to cross over. “There’s a shortcut,” You said, “That forest opens back up in the West of the city. If memory serves me correctly it’ll cut our journey in half,”

“I don’t trust you,” Din said warily.

“Never said you had to trust me. If you carry on that way it’ll take another three days to walk around a huge lake and a ravine. This way cuts that out and we’ll be back in the city in two days,”

You walked forward into the break of trees, turning back when you didn’t hear him follow. He hadn’t moved, still calculating the decision. “Not scared are you, Mando?” You taunted him. “We don’t have much sunlight. Move,”

For a moment Din contemplated shooting you right there. You were rude and arrogant, nobody would question your death at all if he did it. His hand hovered over his blaster, before finally deciding against it. He needed the payment and with you alive at the end of it he would have proof he didn’t slaughter the entire garrison.

He followed you into the forest, walking in front of you as before. The trees were so dense, a few minutes of walking cut out all light. Spotlights of dusty yellow light broke through the canopy providing enough light inside to see your footing directly in front of you but nothing more. Roots covered the floor, winding around your ankles trying to pull you in so your body could supply nutrients for the plants. Branches caught on the Mandalorian’s shoulders, snapping back into your face often when they released. You learnt quickly to keep a few more paces back to stop the attacks.

You had heard stories about these forests. Fables told to the children in the city warning them of the dangers of the expansive green land. Most of them you knew to be just stories, but like most legends in the universe, there was truth to some. That knowledge kept you alert as you continued the walk.

Suddenly, the Mandalorian stopped in his tracks. You nearly crashed into him, not looking where you were going you were met with metal.

“Keep walking,” You ordered. He didn’t move, turning his head to look up at the canopy. You frowned, growing impatient. “What?”

“Quiet,” He hissed. You paused as you heard another shuffle you had thought to be Din moving. It was above you, beside you and behind you. Then you heard it, a shrill echoing cry from above. A cry you had been told to fear since day one on this planet.

They descended from every side. Five or six strong and lean warriors armed with metal spears and knives swarmed you and Din before you even had time to run.

A flurry of metal and blaster bolts occurred. You were quick on the draw taking two warriors quickly before another knocked your gun from your hands. It was immediately lost to the undergrowth. Dodging one strike then another you grabbed hold of one of the warrior's weapons, forcing it back on them to push them back. Pull, push, slash. A splash of blood as the spear cut into his skin and another dead.

You had one left. Flipping a small knife in his hand, the warrior snarled at you before pouncing. Taking out your own, you threw yourself at the warrior. Each attempted strike on your part was blocked effortlessly. Your advance became a backwards pace as you were slowly overpowered. The knife scraped against your vambrace as you blocked yet another strike creating sparks.

The warrior growled something in a language you didn’t understand as you stepped backwards again, finding yourself cornered to a tree. You growled and surged forward again, catching a slice to his cheek and shoulder before being pinned to the bark.

You cried out as a sharp bite pierced your skin, the warrior slipping past your armour and plunging their blade into your side as your hands came up and used your knife to slice their throat. A spray of blood hit your face as they fell to the ground. You fell backwards leaning against the tree for support as your head went light, you watched Din take out the remaining warriors. One on their spear, another with his blaster. He was surrounded by bodies but looked like he’d barely broken a sweat. He surveyed his area before finally noticing you. The ambush had happened so fast he barely had time to spare a glance in your direction to see how you were.

You grimaced as he walked over. He didn’t come close, not helping you, just watching. He saw the leather strapped blade on the ground beside you and the body next to you. You hissed as you tried to push yourself up, even minimal effort was aggravating the wound.

Your hand let go of the injury, revealing the blood to Din. You wiped it on your pant leg, laughing dryly as you looked up at him. You could barely see him, eyes hazy, even speaking was an effort as your throat was stinging with the threat of vomit. Din lurched forward holding out his hand. “I don’t need your help,” You garbled, trying again. This time you were successful, only for a moment as your world spinning and went black for a moment., “Stars above,” you gasped, falling forward into the Mandalorian. He caught you quickly before you fell to the floor.

“Where are you hurt?” He asked urgently.

“Under there,” You slurred, waving your arm weakly at your side. Your eyes were dropping, skin pale. It was the end, killed by a forest warrior’s blade with the Mandalorian by your side. Not how you wanted to go.

--

You came too in the dark. You startled, immediately on guard. The sudden movement made you cry out as pain overtook your body.

“Don’t move,” Came a gruff reply. It was the Mandalorian. Ignoring his request, you slowly pushed yourself to sit up, wincing at the pain but you couldn’t just lay there.

You then realised your armour was gone, top feeling practically bare in your undershirt. A bandage was wrapped around your ribs, soaked in blood. He had saved you.

You looked at him across the fire, confused. You had expected him to leave you for dead. You certainly should have died. Either the gods were playing a horrific joke on you by drawing out this quest with your supposed enemy or he had cared for you. You wondered how long you’d been out for. Could have been a few hours, a few days. You doubted he would care for you for that long but evidently, the bounty hunter was full of surprises.

“You should have left me,” you finally spoke. Your voice was coarse and you coughed to clear your throat. “Why’d you do that?”

He shrugged. You frowned but decided not to press the matter. You preferred living over being dead.

“How long was I out?” You asked.

“A few hours,” He replied, “Nice to have you quiet for so long,”

“Where’s my armour?”

“Here,” He said, patting the pile of metal next to him. You watched him carefully now. You needed that back if you were going to make it and didn’t entirely trust he would give it back. Parts were beskar. You knew he would try and stake a claim to it despite the fact he knew where you’d gotten it from. He’d tried it before and that had ended with you at the bottom of a rocky gorge, “I’ll give it back in the morning. You need to rest and you can’t in that,”

“It’s very important to me,” You stated.

“I know,” He said.

“How do I know you won’t take it?”

“You’ll have to trust me,” Din said. You were not about to do that. You pushed yourself to stand up, grinding your teeth to not let out the sharp pain that was splitting through your side, “Sit down,” Din ordered.

“Give me-,” As you stood up your vision went blurry, you stumbled forward into the fire pit. Luckily the Mandalorian had quick reflexes and caught you before you fell into the flames

“I didn’t save your life for you to fall into a fire,” he scolded you, helping you back to the ground. Sit,”

You shoved his hands off you and shuffled away from him. “I’ll kill you if you take it,” you grumbled.

“You would try,” Din agreed. Both of you knew you would not be a threat. While the Mandalorian had managed to flush out most of the poison some of it remained in your system. Not deadly in dosage but enough to weaken you significantly. You wouldn’t be able to get real help until you returned to the city.

Silence fell over the camp again. You stared into the fire, watching it spit and spark. A physical manifestation of your rage and embarrassment. Not only were you weak and wounded, but you were also stuck with the one person you swore would get revenge on if you ever crossed paths again. Now the only revenge you could manage was maybe to scratch his armour. You had slaughtered people, entire towns had met their end through your hands. Now your life lay in the Mandalorians’s. You hated it.

You glared at him for what felt like hours. Neither of you was going to give in to sleep, too suspicious of the other to succumb to the vulnerability. The three moons travelled slowly overhead, animals scratching around the clearing of the forest none would dare to venture into the foreign light of the Mandalorian’s fire but you could feel a thousand eyes in the darkness watching you intently.

Suddenly he stood up. Suspicious you watched him walk the short distance to you. Without warning, he passed a silver packet of food to you and walked behind you. You looked dumbly at the packet and turned your head to see what he was doing. You had barely looked over your shoulder before his gloved hand came to the side of your face, pushing you away.

“Turn around and I’ll kill you,” Din warned you.

“Ok! Kriff, calm down I don’t want to look anyway,” You scoffed at him. Somehow, his insistence that you didn’t see his face only made the idea more enticing. You heard a scuff of metal and the sound of something heavy on the grass, his helmet was off.

You kept your head straight forward, moving only to look at what you were eating. It was very similar to eating next to a wild animal, any movement you made while he ate could be your last. You knew enough about Mandalorians to know it wasn’t him being territorial but to do with his ‘creed’. They could never remove their helmets, never show their faces to anyone except family. It didn’t seem like the Mandalorian behind you had any family, there was barely a caring bone in his body. Except he had saved your life, though that was more an act of self-preservation than anything else you thought.

Din wouldn’t usually risk eating like this with someone like you nearby. There was no privacy, no guarantee you wouldn’t turn and catch him but his hunger was overtaking his logic. It had been days since he’d eaten, he was the lowest on credits in his life the small amount he’d earn from this bounty was desperately needed. If he was going to be paid at all now.

He ate quickly, wolfing down the scraps he had found in your pack. It was bland and chalky but it was food, nutrients, and that was all that mattered. He had to survive until the next. Once he finished, he picked up his helmet and placed it back on his head. Safe inside his metal shell he stood up and walked to his previous spot on the other side of the fire.

He watched you while you ate. He took in the way your skin glowed in the firelight. Wisps of unruly hair caught the light giving you a halo over your head except there was nothing angelic about you. You knew murder and destruction just as well as he did. You’d killed many and cursed more to the haunting image of your destruction. You were one of a small few in the galaxy who had survived the Mandalorian.

There was something oddly satisfying at the fact you couldn’t get away now. You couldn’t do anything if he tried to kill you again now. All your power, all your strength, was in his hands. It was a dark feeling he wanted to avoid, he didn’t think about it too much. If he’d wanted to kill you he would have left you to die.

Once you finished your food you threw the packaging into the fire and settled back. You watched the Mandalorian pick through your pack, pulling out whatever he could find useful for the rest of the travel. You knew we wouldn't find much, the thing had only been packed for a two-day trip maximum. You ached from head to toe, tired and more hungry than the nutrients bar could stave off you longed for your bed. Soft and warm it was the only good thing in this place, the only thing that had kept you here for so long. Comfort was never something you had been given freely, you were going to hold onto this one for as long as you could.

Soon you couldn’t fight sleep any longer. You lay down next to the fire, watching the Mandalorian until you could no longer keep your eyes open.

—

The next day something had shifted in your dynamic. The fact he’d saved your life had changed things. You weren’t so angry at him. He was careful with you, helping you up from the ground and you didn’t miss the way his helmet stayed on you for longer than needed as you pulled your armour back on. He’d cleaned it too, wiping off the blood and dirt from the metal.

You walked mostly in silence, Din still in front of you. You may not hate him anymore but you didn’t entirely trust him yet. He was on neutral ground as far as you were concerned. He'd tried to kill you once, he’d saved you once, They cancelled each other out and now all was left as to gain any opinion either way about who this man was. Was he a killer or was he kind? His actions thus far, surprisingly, offered the latter. Despite that, your hand never left your blaster, though not drawn it was ready in its holster if he decided to turn on you.

Every time you hissed or groaned as you walked, he would stop, look at you and check you were okay before continuing. If it wasn’t for the cold nature of his helmet it would have been endearing.

You travelled together through forest and fields, over a small mountain and down a ravine. Your legs ached, back sore from carrying your pack but at least your stab wound had gone numb. Your pain receptors were so fried now your brain was trying to forget it all together so you could survive.

You flagged behind Mando, gritting your teeth and forcing yourself forward until you couldn’t take it anymore. You let out a small cry of defeat before calling for the Mandalorian to stop. You sat on a rock above a reed bed, leaning on it with one arm while the other pried your armour from your body. Din stopped walking as soon as he heard you.

“I need to rest for a bit,” You admitted, struggling with your straps. One-handed it was impossible to get them off but if you didn’t you couldn’t breathe. You pulled and tugged at the buckles until you were stopped by the Mandalorian’s gloved hand on yours.

“I’ll do it,” He said quietly. You moved your hand, turning a little to let him have better access to the buckles holding the metal to your body.

You didn’t say a word, knowing you couldn’t do it by yourself. His skilled fingers worked the buckles open and pulled the chest pieces away from your body. There was care in his touch, his fingers momentarily gracing over your exposed skin for a moment. The light touch sent shivers down your spine. You turned your head for fear of showing just how affected you were by his touch. You sighed in relief when the weight was gone and the strain on your muscles was decreased.

“Thank you,” You mumbled.

“We can set up camp here for the night,”

“It’s not even dark,” You protested, “Give me a few minutes we can keep walking. It’s not safe out in the open like this,”

“You’re in pain,”

“I’ll be in pain wherever we are,” You said, “There are caves just over there, it will be safer to stay there,”

“That’ll be two hours walk,”

“I can do it,”

“I’m tired too. We’re staying here,” He said, “You can bathe in the river, clean the wound again,”

“Mando-,” You protested.

He wasn’t listening anymore. He’d set down the weapons on his back and set to creating a fire. If it was going to be as cold as last night you were going to need one.

You were silently relieved. Your entire body was screaming for a break, the wound throbbing so much you could have thrown up. You needed to rest. You knew you weren’t far from the city now, it was on the other side of the pass, you could see ships land and take off in the distance, specks leaving white trails in the sky. You would be back by the next evening, you predicted. Only one day left free of consequences.

As the decision had been made to stay by the river for the night, you decided you could get out of your armour again. You sat up slowly, leaning to one side to avoid putting pressure on the wound on your side. You piled the pieces up next to the rock.

Din was still busy searching for suitable wood, a good distance away from you you decided it was safe to strip off and explore the water you could hear behind the reed bed. You pulled aside the plants, creating a path for yourself and revealing a beautiful stream. The water was crystal clear, reflecting the sunset colours above you.

You waded into the water, holding up your tunic so it didn’t get wet. The current wasn’t strong, stones were stable under your feet and you let yourself walk further into the river until it got to your hips. Creatures in the water scattered as your legs invaded their home. You pulled your tunic over your head, throwing the fabric back onto the riverbank, then untied the Mandalorians bandages leaving them with the tunic too. The cool water soothed your aching muscles, washing away the sweat and dry blood as it passed over your skin. You groaned at the heavenly feeling before dipping down under the surface, letting the world melt away in the stream.

Din returned to find you missing. He dropped the sticks he’d found and looked around for you. He hadn’t heard a struggle, he’d have seen someone if you’d been taken. He spotted your armour in a pile while you’d been lay, too neat to be stripped of you in a hurry you must have taken it off. None of his weapons missing either. Then he heard your voice from behind the tall reeds surrounding the lazy river, a pained groan. He was quick to action fearing you’d fallen and been hurt again. He barrelled through the reeds, nearly falling down the riverbank into the water until he saw you. Entirely naked, facing away from him, standing waist-deep in the cool water. Every scar, every bruise, every lump and bump was on view under the golden sun instantly transfixing Din.

He didn’t want to stare but he couldn’t bring his eyes away from the view. Drenched in golden light, your wet skin sparkled. His eyes fell slowly down your body, his own body was fighting between leaving you alone and joining you in the water. Your shadow cast on the opposite bank of reeds showed a broken image of everything you had hidden.

“Can you pass me my clothes when you’re done staring please Mando?” You spoke up suddenly, looking over your shoulder with a smirk on your lips. Din startled, snapping himself out of the trance he’d fallen into, nearly falling in the water. He coughed and spluttered, the sound coming out strangely through his vocoder, which made you laugh. He nodded, muttering something you couldn’t hear before disappearing back through the reeds to retrieve your clothes.

You were used to washing with no privacy. Being in the places you’d been, privacy was a luxury. You could ignore the lustful stares men gave but something about Din watching you set you on edge, it excited you. You couldn’t see his face, couldn’t tell where he was looking but his vision bore like laser’s into your skin. You felt electric. He could have watched forever and you wouldn’t mind at all.

You dunked under the cold water, cleaning yourself and cooling off the heat of your body. You found your clothes laid out on the bank, where Din had been standing before. You smiled, dried off and dressed before re-emerging from the reeds.

The sun was going down now, barely a sliver above the horizon. Stars came out, colouring the night sky with constellations. The Mandalorian had a good fire going. A field rat hung over the flames cooking away.

“Sit close to the fire so you can dry off properly,” He said as you approached. You smiled and nodded, feeling brave enough to sit next to him rather than across as you had done the other night. He was opposed to your decision and didn’t move when you settled down next to him in the grass. “The wound looked like it's healing well,” He said after a moment of quiet.

“That’s all you were looking at?” You asked with a smirk.

“I didn’t mean to pry,” He apologised, a little ashamed at his voyeurism.

“I didn’t say I minded,” You smiled, sweet on the surface but the wicked fire in your eyes told him exactly what he wanted. He shivered under your gaze and moved quickly to get away from your scrutiny, turning his attention to stoking the fire again. You laughed to yourself and settled back onto your elbows to watch the stars.

This night was so different from the one before. You didn’t watch him so intently, trusting that he wouldn’t suddenly try to rob you or kill you. You were relaxed, as much as you could in the circumstances. Your earlier question of the character of the Mandalorian was slowly being answered. He was a mixture of good and kind, and cold and calculated. You couldn’t forget how viciously he had attacked you all those years ago, how bloody and raw those warriors had been left in the forest. But simultaneously you couldn’t forget his kindness in saving you, his care for your wellbeing as you walked today. How bashful he became when you confronted him about his peeping. You could hear the embarrassment in his voice. If he was a cold and heartless killer like you thought him to be, he would not take your teasing. He wouldn’t be embarrassed. No, this Mandalorian much like everyone else was complicated. Under that beskar somewhere lay a man, who unfortunately you were starting to like.

You couldn’t hate him. Not when he had found and cooked food for you to share. Din had pulled the field rat off the spit, opened it up and pulled out the cooked meat. He passed you half before collecting his own. You initially curled your lip at the charred remains in your lap but there was no other choice. It was that or starve.

Din opened his mouth to speak, to tell you to stay put as he sat behind you but was astounded at how quickly you’d turned your back on him giving him the privacy he needed. Metal hit the ground with a thud, you stayed perfectly still. Din noticed instantly, his chest becoming heavy as he saw your fear. You had been friendly all day, talking as if you were friends but the way you sat in front of him like caught prey reminded him that wasn’t the case.

You surprised him, it was rare for people to understand so quickly, let alone someone like you. Someone who hated him, had tried to kill him, usually, they’d mock him and refuse unless he threatened them, like he’d done to you last night. You didn’t say a word. You respected him.

So, he ate slower. Taking the time to enjoy his food, as much as you can enjoy slightly burnt field rat. He picked at the meat, pulling it apart with his fingers. His quiet groan of pleasure at the taste of his food made your ears prick and hair stand up on edge. You’d teased him for watching you in the river, but if he sat behind you and made sounds like that you were going to have to do something. Call it Stockholm syndrome, some kind of weird lapse of judgement due to the stress of your predicament but you found yourself liking the Mandalorian. He had tried to kill you before, he should terrify you, but the fact he was such a mystery, and a dangerous one at that, made him all the more enticing.

Din didn’t miss the way you’d pricked up at the noise he’d made. He didn’t mean to, it had just slipped from his lips. A new kind of hunger took over him as he finished his meal. He wanted you. The memory of you in the river cast over him. He wondered how soft your skin would feel, fresh from the mineral waters you’d bathed in. You smelt so fresh from where he was sitting, how much better would it be with his nose in your hair. He’d been hungry for days, but this hunger had gone unsolved for months, he could hardly remember the last time he’d held someone, kissed someone, fucked someone.

Without realising it Din had moved closer to you. His hands ghosted over your hair, wanting desperately to run his fingers through it. He wanted to touch you, to feel you. He leant over, just outside your peripheral vision and placed a kiss on your cheek. It was short, shorter as you startled at the sudden touch. Din retreated quickly, your sudden movement startling him too.

“What was that?” You asked sharply. Din frowned, instantly regretting his action. To his surprise, you didn’t make a move to look at him.

“Wh-what do you mean?” He stuttered, all confidence draining from his body.

“Kiss me properly if you’re going to kiss me,” you said confidently. A simple touch of his lips to your cheek had set you alight, you were startled but didn’t want him to stop.

Din grinned in the dark and surged forward to kiss you properly. The sharp scratch of stubble surprised you as he kissed you. His lips were soft as passion dripped into your mouth as your mouth opened to him in a gasp. The Mandalorian pulled you closer, turning you to face him properly. You hissed in pain when his hand brushed over your wound. He whispered an apology, moving down to your jaw. His nose brushed along your jaw taking in the clean and earthy scent of you.

His kiss travelled down your neck. The burn of his stumble on your soft skin made you sigh and open up to him more. Din could feel himself falling into you, your scent and taste, the noises that you were making just from his kisses were driving him insane. He could stop if he needed but he didn’t want to. He could trust you.

His hands stroked down your arms, taking your wrist into his grip. He continued his assault on your neck as he lifted it. He placed your hand over your eyes, holding your wrist tight to keep it in place. His warm hand over yours was oddly comforting.

“Move your hand and I stop, yes?” He whispered in your ear, his hot breath tickling you and sending a shiver up your spine, “I don’t want to kill you, but I will,”

“I understand,”

--

If there was any way you could have predicted the ending of your adventure with the Mandalorian there would be no way you could have predicted the events of the previous night.

He was good. Surprisingly good. You were a little shocked, having thought he was some celibate mercenary monk type character, but he knew what he was doing. If there weren’t stars above you, he’d made you see more. He was careful not to hurt you but didn’t hold out. Edges of your previous hatred for one another dipped in, adding so much to the event. You woke up sore in a completely different and entirely satisfying way.

You set out for the final stretch of the journey with a smile on your face. Your blaster was left alone in its holster and the Mandalorian walked beside you. You trusted him.

The final stretch was the most challenging. Through a rocky ravine, you had to climb over boulders and through tight passes. If you could have gone over you would, but the hundred-foot sheer cliff faces took that option away from you pretty fast. The Mandalorian walked slower to allow you to keep up, taking hold of your chest armour when the weight became too much to take anymore. You still couldn’t understand the reasoning behind his kindness but accepted it easily. He wouldn’t leave you more than ten foot behind, despite your insistence on leaving you to catch up on your own he refused and waited for you before enforcing a rest stop so you could catch your breath and continue. After hours of walking through the rocky pass, red stone finally gave way to green grass and blue sky once more.

You saw the city gates on the horizon and your heart began to ache. You had almost forgotten what you were walking back to. You had to tell the Master that his daughter was dead, that your entire team was burnt alive and you were the only survivor. You were dead for sure. Being the outsider anyway put you on rocky ground, this would be the final straw.

Din could sense your nervousness. Even if you didn’t express it verbally, he knew you were anxious to return. He thought you were brave for doing so, but you didn’t have a choice. If you ran you could never stay hidden from the Master. You were dead either way, at least if you brought yourself in you could argue your case.

Citizens lined the wall of the city, flags waving and cheering songs danced on the breeze as soon as you and the Mandalorian were spotted. You walked through the outlying villages with heads hung low as the people ran up to you expecting their princess in tow. When they saw the two of you alone their cries of joy turned to silence.

You reached the city gates and it seemed nobody had noticed, bells rang out and drums echoes from inside. Children waved from the wall, happy and excited to see you. The whispers started, turned into murmurs and soon the yells of praise and joy were spitting insults and exclamations of pain. People yelled out questions, what had happened to the princess, where was she, who’d killed the princess. Why hadn’t you saved her? Your heart sunk, you couldn’t lift your eyes from the ground as you and the Mandalorian were escorted to the palace.

Din always hated a failed mission, letting targets getaway in mistakes was what kept him up at night, but this was so much worse. He didn’t have any personal connection to the girl but the vitriol spat at you and him as you walked through was tough to take. He kept his head up, trying to think of a plan for what might happen next.

The news of your failure had spread fast, arriving at the Master’s feet before you did. You knelt at his throne, the Mandalorian standing beside you.

“What news do you bring?” The Master asked. He didn’t need your answer, he just wanted to watch you squirm.

“I am afraid we were unsuccessful Master. An accident occurred at the camp and we two are the only survivors of the event. There was no way of recovering your daughter, I apologise,” You said finally looking up at him. Your voice was calm, collected and confident. There was nothing you could do now, it didn’t matter whether you were visibly upset or not.

“Mandalorian? Do they speak the truth?”

“Yes. Charges were set in the mines beneath the location and set as soon as we arrived,” He elaborated.

“I appreciate the aide Mandalorian, however without a successful return of my daughter I cannot pay you,” The master said. Din nodded, having expected as much, “Guards arrest L/n,”

“I assure you we did everything we could to get your daughter, none of this was their fault,” Din insisted.

“You are dismissed, Mando,” The Master ordered. Din didn’t move, his blaster raised at the guards approaching, standing between you and them to protect you.

“Stop it,” You hissed at him, alarmed that he was putting his survival at risk for you.

“Put the blaster down, Mandalorian. You are far outnumbered here. I suggest you leave me while you still can unless you would like to join L/n in front of a firing squad,”

“It’s not worth it,” You whispered, as you pushed yourself to stand up. You gritted your teeth as pain shot through you. You both knew this was how it would end, there was no other way, “I accept my fate,” You spoke loud enough for everyone else to hear. Din didn’t accept it, he refused to. He had only just got you into his life, whatever the relationship was between you two he wasn’t going to let you die for something that wasn’t your fault.

You were surrounded inside the palace. Din’s defiance was only drawing more soldiers in. The chances of either you or Din coming out alive were drawing in. You knew the Mandalorian was worth more, something inside you told you he had a great destiny before him. While our crossed paths had arrived at a pleasant spot you would like to continue, if that was the final destination of your lives then you wouldn’t be the one pulling him to a halt with you.

You stepped into the Mandalorian’s vision, soldiers drawing closer, and you placed your hand over his blaster. You looked directly into his visor, staring directly into his eyes. You didn’t have to speak, he knew it was over. Slowly, Din lowered his weapon and stepped back. With his hands up he nodded to the Master who smiled smugly and gave you one last look. As soon as the Mandalorian walked away the guards were on you, hands roughly tugged behind your back and into harsh cuffs.

Din didn’t look back. Couldn’t. If he did he would do something he would regret. The Master’s voice echoed out of the Palace doors relaying your sentence. You were to be executed at sundown. Din pulled himself into a comfortable stoic calm, and indifference forced upon himself to allow him to carry on. He walked out of the city with nothing. Penniless, hungry and alone.

The Razor Crest provided some comfort as it always did. No matter what changed around his outside could always be corrected inside the silver confines of his ship. He had enough fuel to get him to the next populated planet, hopefully, he would find work there to get food. He settled into the cockpit, flicking through maps for a while to see where he could go. After a while, the exhaustion of not sleeping properly for three days caught up and Din fell asleep in the pilot seat.

--

“Oi! Mando! Open up!” Hard rock being thrown at the front of the Crest and the sound of your voice startled him awake. It was dark now, the moon high in the sky above him. Din’s heart sunk, it was just a dream. You were gone now.

He let himself wonder for a moment if he could have done more, knowing that probably wasn’t true. The galaxy had a way of making things work out the way they should no matter what he did. He settled back against his chair again, head resting on his chest when something slammed against the side of the ship and shouted for him again and he knew he wasn’t dreaming.

He did a double-take when he saw you at the door. Dishevelled and breathing heavily, you grinned up at him. “I thought you were dead,” He said.

“I will be if you don’t let me in in a minute,” You looked over your shoulder as speeder lights approached over the brim of the hill. Din had barely stepped aside before you barreled into the ship.

He stared at you in the low light of the hull. confused by the image you presented. Your armour was half missing, only your chest plates and one thigh plate remained and you were covered in blood. You were not only alive but you had fought well for it. Considering the state you had been in just hours before, barely able to stand up unaided, he was astonished.

“What? It’s not my blood if you’re worried about that,” You wiped your face with the back of your hand then wiping it on your pant leg. “Hurry up and get this ship in the sky. We need to go right now,”

A blaster shot ricochet off the side of the Crest, the sound of bikes coming closer, setting Din back into motion. He raced back up to the cockpit to set off. You followed quickly and watched as the Mandalorian set to getting the ship into the air while under attack. You jumped into the seat behind him, giddy with excitement as the weight of what you had just done inside the city walls had not yet settled in. You were high on adrenaline. The engines roared into life and suddenly the Mandalorian turned back to look at you.

“I’m glad you’re not dead,” He said.

“I’m glad I’m not dead too,” you smiled, warmth spreading through your body at the sentiment,  “now please can we go,” A shot hit the front window making you duck instinctively. “Go!”

--

happy may the fourth guys!! omg i missed writing din so much!! 

tags: @beskar-falcon @peterssweetpea @beskarbabs @wille-zarr @this-cat-is-dea  @dameronology @fandom-blackhole @artsymaddie​

[teenyweenynightghost]

@mevlliflous

“Hey, just look at me. Breathe.” X Damiano

(I promise this one isn’t an Uno based fight😅)

Damiano was in the back of a cab, his suitcase resting in the trunk while he looked anxiously out the window.

He had been away on tour for 4 moths, not having seen y/n even once. He missed her so much and loved her more than ever, but he had messed up. He was weary and scared of how y/n would react, his mind terrified at the idea of losing her.

The car slowed to a stop, Damiano paying the driver and heading to the entrance of his home, suitcase in one hand, a bouquet of flowers in the other.

He walked up the few steps that led to the door, admiring the well kept garden, seeing the little fairy house he had built with y/n right before leaving.

He rested his head against the door, breathing deeply, before knocking on it.

In less then a moment, he was met with the most mesmerizing girl he had seen in his life, the one he loved the most in this whole world.

Her arms were wrapped around him in a second, squeezing him tightly and hugging him as if the world would end tomorrow.

“DAMIANO!! YOU’RE BACK!” She screamed full of excitement, parting away so that she could see his gorgeous face. Y/n’s face fell as she noticed the worry and distress in her lover’s face.

“Amore, what’s wrong? You’re worried.”

At those words, seeing her concern and sorrow, Damiano broke apart, falling to his knees and crying, his face hidden in her stomach.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry cara mia! You have to believe me I love you and only you! I can’t picture my life without your glowing presence besides me! You have to believe me please! Im so fucking sorry!” He pleaded, trying to speak between his sobs, as the cotton dress y/n was wearing became soaked with his tears.

She knelt to the ground, enveloping him in a reassuring hug, and stroked his soft hair.

“Shhh, amore, it’s alright. No matter what happened, we’ll talk it through. Okay? Look at me. Breathe. Breathe with me.”

Damiano closed his eyes and nuzzled further into the crook of y/n’s neck, doing his best to listen to her heartbeat.

“Good, just breathe with me.”

The couple were soon in sync, as y/n kept caressing Damiano’s face. She eventually tilted his face towards her, and brushed a delicate finger underneath his eyes, wiping away his tears.

“Let’s go inside and talk there, alright amore?” She asked him softly, leading him inside once he nodded.

They both sat together on the couch. Y/n grabbed Damiano’s hands in her own and looked him straight in the eyes.

“Amore, what happened?” She questioned him once more, a soft, empathetic look on her face.

Damiano’s eyes pooled with tears once more as disgust filled the rest of his features. He looked down and squeezed Y/n’s hands.

“I cheated on you.” He whispered, afraid that his own consciousness would hear and destroy him further.

He heard y/n’s breath catch in her throat, as the grip on his hands softened. He was terrified of looking up and seeing what he had caused. A deafening silence filled the room, broken by both of their hearts beating out of their chest.

“Do you still love me?” Her broken voice made its way to Damiano’s ears.

“Always. You know that Y/n. You have my heart. And you always will. I never felt as content and relaxed as I am with you. My life is crazy and constantly moving, but it all feels like it slows down when I am with you, cara mia.”

He took a deep breath and continued.

“You are the only thing in my head. When I wake up, I imagine being next to you. When I shower, I imagine doing it with you. Every concert, every time I sing, my heart dedicates it to you. I fucked up y/n. I know I fucking did. I just went insane, got drunk and blacked out. The next morning..”

Tears kept falling down his face and onto the couch as he tried to keep his composure, at least until he could finish all that he had to say.

“You can leave me if you want. You can stay. You can slap me, hurt me, hate me. I just want you to be happy. I need you, Y/n.”

She looked up and saw the devastation in Damiano’s eyes. Concern flooded her as she thought about him being completely unconscious in a strangers room. But knowing how much he loved her is all she needed.

“Damiano, it’s okay. I understand.” She assured him, cupping his cheek.

“No, cazzo. You shouldn’t. You deserve better than this. I shouldn’t have.. fuck Y/n I’m so fucking sorry and no, you shouldn’t have to understan-“

“Stop! Please. Just let me talk.”

Damiano looked up at her and silently nodded.

“When I was younger, I ended up doing the same thing. I was in love Dami, but I had to be away from them for so long.. and then something went wrong with work, I got drunk… and I lost them forever.”

Y/n took a deep breath before continuing again.

“I know how you feel. I’ve felt the devastation and guilt. But we have to make this work.”

The singer slightly furrowed his brows, and leaned over to cup her face.

“I didn’t know this happened to you…”

“I was too afraid to tell you. I was ashamed of it all.” Her voice broke at the last word, averting her gaze.

“But… you said have to…” He looked at her fearful expression and his mind started racing once more.”

“Y/n, Is something wrong?”

She looked at him, struggling to memorize every single one of his features before they would disappear from her once more. She did her best to calm herself, before leading his hand to her stomach, preparing herself for the worst.

“Oh amore, we have to make this work. We won’t be alone anymore in a few moths.”

Damiano’s face lit up at the realization, his eyes not being able to choose between looking at his beloved or her bump.

“OH CAZZO! I DIDN’T NOTICE IT BEFORE!” He shot up, taking her up with him, before grabbing her and spinning her around the room, screaming with glee.

“Y/N! HOW LONG? HOW? I-“ The singer was mind blown. He couldn’t even figure out how all of this took such a delightful turn.

“Fuck, why are you crying mi amore?” He was by her side in a second, grabbing her gorgeous, delicate face in his hands.

“I thought you wouldn’t want to be with me after you would find out!” She cried, bringing up her hands to wipe away the tears.

“I think we have had too many close calls tonight” he huffed, wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on her head, smiling contently.

“Damiano, I think we should just take it all from the start now.”

“We always will amore. In this life and the next. We did that in all of our previous ones. We’re soulmates, and we will meet again, we will always find our way to one another.”

Y/n couldn’t believe her ears. She felt safe and protected in Damiano’s arms, knowing he will never leave her.

Damiano started humming a love song in y/n’s ear, which slowly turned into him serenading his soulmate, pressing loving kisses to her stomach as he envisioned their future together.

Taglist: @fuckim-so-gay @ginny-lily @messyhairday-me @cheese-toastie-11 @wannabemarlenabutiscoraline @simp-per-ethan @maneskinrollercoaster @juststalking @superchrystaldrug

[sanutopia]

ateez as boyfriends ♡

hi so this is my first drabble-ish thing on here so if u like it or want some more things like this please let me know :D  

im a sucker for ateez as it is, let alone ateez as soft boyfriends so find me crawling in a hole and crying 

seonghwa: 

loves to cuddle you while playing with your hair

loves when you go shopping and use his card because he enjoys the fashion shows you put on for him

loves taking pictures of you 

leaving random love notes all over the house? of course

fancy candlelit dinner (he almost burnt the house down)

soft video calls at 3 am while they’re on tour so he can tell you how much he misses you while pouting 

please compliment him a lot because he lives for it and won’t stop blushing for at least 30 minutes after

loves going to the park and taking long walks with you while holding your hand (he’s needy for attention and pouts when you don’t give it to him)

oh and also he does the thingy with his thumb where he caresses your hand as hes holding it yanno

loves to kiss your forehead

hongjoong: 

GO TO THE STUDIO WITH HIM AND LISTEN TO HIS WORK 

“baby i’m gonna send you this song, can you tell me what you think?”

matching/coordinating couple outfits with you... period

loves sending you cute pics of him while hes away or probably just in a separate room “do i look cute in this? i’m cute aren’t i?”

loves taking pictures of you as well and then won’t shut up about how good you look in them and how lucky he is to be with someone like you

loves to ask you about your day while eating dinner- he probably has his chin resting in the palm of his hand giving you his full attention

you make couple bracelets on his days off

loves surprising you with spontaneous dates

kisses your hand as hes holding it i’m not okay

you have rap battles at 3 am when neither of you can sleep

he’s the little spoon. i won’t budge on that

best pet names ever

yunho:

PLEASE CUDDLE HIM 24/7!!! back hugs!!! 

loves when you bury your head in his chest while hugging him because he can kiss the top of your head

hes literally a giant baby imagine when he’s away for a long time and sees you for the first time in a while?? he’s smiling BIG

loves to tease you jokingly and call you stupid names because he knows you hate that

steal all of his sweatshirts ALL OF THEM

constant dance battles (he incorporates dance moves into daily activities so please follow along)

i can’t stress this enough he is a giant baby and needs to be loved and appreciated at all times 

if he doesn’t get what he wants he will give you the face (you know the one with the big puppy eyes) its devastating truly

you play with his hair, not the other way around

loves squishing your cheeks and then kissing them

yeosang:

he falls in love very quickly so he’s willing to do absolutely anything and everything for you

GIGGLES 

compliments you a lot (sometimes it might be cringe worthy but he means every word and won’t let you forget it)

loves to cuddle up with lots of blankets and watch movies with you

sings you to sleep

sees you as his safe place- he trusts you with everything and will tell you everything after a bad day

shy in public

you get to see him daily without makeup.......kiss his birthmark for me

you also get to see his cute little sweater paws 

lowkey gets jealous but doesn’t show it

he’s a soft baby

take bubble baths with him!!!

loves picking flowers while on walks so he can give them to you :(

san:

when you kiss him too many times he starts giggling

he is so dramatic and extra.... i don’t think i have to explain that one

loves when you kiss his neck and pay extra attention to his neck freckles i’m absolutely broken

lives for hugs and his hugs seem like they last hours

he’s going to serenade you whenever possible (mainly when you’re busy) to get your attention

loves the game ‘just dance’ and will NOT hesitate to let you know he has the highest score 

he’s broken two vases and a lamp because he dances so hard

brings you a plushie from every place he goes - he ends up stealing every single one of them

loves taking naps with you and rubbing your back while you lay on top of him

sleeping until noon

TICKLE FIGHTS (imagine his laugh while you tickle his tummy....this is so sad)

make him smile so you can see his dimples!

loves writing you letters 

mingi:

he’s a huge dork

keeps you up until 2 am because he wants to tell you about conspiracy theories he has

“hey do you think-” “mingi please go to sleep”

movie marathons on a friday night, tipsy and full of junk food 

super clingy and very playful with you 

same with yunho, but will not let you forget how much bigger he is than you

“oh you can’t reach that?? that’s so sad..... i guess i can reach it for you since i’m tall boy :D”

evening walks in the city

loves introducing you to new music and new places

if he learns a new choreo he’s ACHING to show it to you

purposely buys two of every sweatshirt because he knows you’ll steal one

tells you stupid jokes just to see you laugh

also shy, gets embarrassed easily 

wooyoung:

wooyoung BABY

pillow fights, couch cushion forts, you name it

secret handshake? duh

POUTS and looks up at you with his big starry eyes

ᵗᵃˡᵏˢ ᶦⁿ ᵗᶦⁿʸ ʷʰᵉⁿ ʰᵉ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵍᵉᵗ ʰᶦˢ ʷᵃʸ

loves to bicker with you simply because he finds it entertaining

won’t let you get out of bed because he won’t let go of you for the love of god

loves to cuddle you and will be the big spoon or little spoon

loves to spoil you and be spoiled and hes so cute when receiving gifts because he has the cutest reactions 

he is your number one fan and won’t hesitate to let the entire world know that

went to the grocery store once for milk and came back with 3 puppies 

“what else was i supposed to do, you wanted one and they were right there” 

“theyre cute like me right???” 

loves pecking your cheeks and booping your nose 

please make him laugh all the time his laugh cures cancer

jongho:

you get to hear him singing in the shower

loves to lay his head in your lap while you watch movies so you can pet his head

cheek kisses are so soft :(

hes so gentle with you and everything he does :(

loves putting his arm around you 

half asleep i love you’s 

kisses all over your face in the morning to wake you up

he loves you so much, probably more than you love him 

remembers every special occasion and sometimes treats regular days like special occasions 

will take you anywhere you want to go and would go get the moon for you if you asked

i’m not going to say this again imagine hearing his singing just.... sitting there like please acknowledge how talented he is and how proud of him you are

he works hard for you and loves laying in bed and watching movies when he gets home