#you have to look up the lyrics meaning to fully appreciate some of them. cape god is about the opioid crisis. anchor is really fucking good

[ikishima]

Fav Tracks

[canyousevmyheavydirtysoul]

Cape Town. (Chapter 6.4) (R. Ross x Reader)

Kirstenbosch Gardens was huge. So huge, in fact, that it would take a full three days to properly explore on foot. If someone like Ryan who didn't know their way around at all had to wonder off alone, the chances of locating them were pretty slim.

That being said, you found him within ten minutes.

He was sitting on a bench under a towering oak tree, gazing out across the rolling fields of flowers. You slowed down your stride as you approached him, not wanting to intrude on what was clearly a personal moment.

Hanging behind the tree, you rested one hand on the trunk and looked over at him. His gaze wondered up at the mountains, and he took in the sights for a moment before closing his eyes and exhaling.

Watching him closely, you noticed his lips move gently, as if he were silently sounding out some unintelligible words. At first, you thought he might've been saying a prayer, but then he reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out a tiny, worn-out notebook.

Pulling off the pen that had been hooked over the book's front cover, he opened to a clean page and began jotting down words and phrases. Your lips parted as realisation dawned on you. He was writing song lyrics.

Now you really felt like you were intruding. You knew how personal the songwriting process was – especially to Ryan – and being in his presence while he was immersed in it (without him knowing you were there, nonetheless) felt like a major invasion of privacy.

Deciding it was best to leave him alone for a couple more minutes, you lifted your hand from the tree and started taking backward steps. You didn't get more than two in before the guitarist's head turned and he saw you.

"Hey," he smiled lazily.

Embarrassed that you'd been caught in the act, you stammered a response. "Uh, h-hey." You closed your eyes and waved a hand around. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up. I saw that you were busy and I didn't wanna bother you."

Shifting up on the bench, he patted the empty space in an invitation for you to join him. "You'd never be a bother to me."

Readjusting your hair to hide your flushed cheeks, you walked around the bench to join him. There was silence for a little while. Not the uncomfortable kind, but more the kind that arose between two people who enjoyed each other's company so much that no conversation was even necessary.

Ryan was the one who eventually banished the quiet. "It's so beautiful out here. You're so lucky to have this right in your backyard."

"I love coming here," you sighed, resting your elbow on the back of the bench and letting your head rest in your palm, "Don't get to do it as much as I'd like, though."

"'Cause of your studies?"

"That, and I'd be completely bankrupt if I came here all the time," you laughed.

He shook his head and let out a sigh, then mimicked your pose. "It's criminal that they charge you for entry."

"Eh." With a shrug, you looked around at the natural beauty. "It's to make sure that all of this is preserved, so it makes sense, I guess. Can't be mad about it."

"True."

Noticing the notebook was still clutched in his hand, you nodded toward it. "Did you get some decent material?"

After you asked your question, Ryan's face faltered for a moment, and you mentally kicked yourself when you realised how incredibly prysome you must've sounded.

Immediately, you backtracked. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business."

"No, no," he chuckled softly, holding up one hand, "It's alright, really. And yeah... so far this trip has been very... inspiring."

He locked his gaze with yours and there was something about the way he was looking at you that made it impossible for you to look away, no matter how red your face was getting. Eventually, when it started to approach the point of being creepy, you broke eye contact and readjusted yourself on the bench.

"So, this whole 'rockstar' thing..." you started, "is it your endgame? Do you still wanna be up on stage when you're 60?"

"Are you kidding?" he smiled widely, perking up and laying his arm across the backrest of the bench, "That's when the fun begins."

Playing along, you furrowed your brows and nodded feverently. "Oh, of course."

The two of you shared a laugh, then Ryan continued talking. "Well, I don't think I can be referred to as a rockstar, by definition. But if you mean do I wanna do music until I'm old and grey, then yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Music's always been my escape. My best friend. It's my-"

"Your first love?"

He looked at you and you saw a twinkle in his eye. "Exactly."

Nodding fondly, you smiled lazily. "I know what you mean."

"You feel that way about... tourism?"

There was an amused, almost confused expression on the musician's face, and you couldn't help but laugh.

"No, definitely not," you chuckled, tucking your hair behind your ear and shaking your head. "No, my first love was – is – writing."

That answer seemed to pique Ryan's interest, as shown by the way he unconciously leaned in closer. "Writing?"

"Yeah. In fact, I had a notebook similar to that one," you pointed at the notebook in his lap, "and I used to write any chance I got. Stories, poems, random nonsense... I just dumped all the thoughts in my head out onto paper."

"Used to?" he questioned your use of words, "You mean you don't do it anymore?"

"Not as much as I'd like to. You know how life is – I got so caught up in studying and work that I ended up neglecting my hobbies."

"How come you didn't pursue it? Study English at uni instead of what you're doing now?"

Blowing a raspberry, you widened your eyes and drew your knees to your chest. "Writing is not really a lucrative career here. At least with tourism, I'd pretty much be guaranteed a steady income. And," you shrugged, giving a small smile, "there are some really great upsides to it... like meeting groups of attractive American band members."

Shocked by your sudden bout of confidence, Ryan arched his brows and gave a small wheeze.

"(Y/L/N), you flirt."

Copying his reaction from a moment ago, you arched your brows and wheezed. "You're one to talk, Ross."

Pursing his lips to fight back a smile, the musician held up his hands and relented. "Fair enough."

"Come on." You cocked your head in the direction of the pathway and stood up from the bench. "We better get back before they send out a search party."

He stood up, stuffing his hands in his pant pockets and rocking back and forth on his heels. "Orrrrr...." he gave you a mischeivous look, "We could go on an adventure?"

✧✧✧

15 minutes into the 'adventure'.

"Watch out!"

"AHHHH!"

Ryan had greatly miscalculated the distance between the third and fourth stepping stones in the rippling stream the two of you were crossing, and ended up with one foot fully submerged in the water as a result.

"Oh noooo," you laughed, not even attempting to hide your amusement at the horrified look on your counterpart's face as he slowly lifted his foot from the running stream.

Snapping his head in your direction, he shot you a glare. "I'm glad you think this is so funny. Ugh," he scrunched his face up in disgust as he inspected the mud sticking to his boot, "This is terrible."

"I guess you could say... there was a terrible splash."

Your joke hung in the air, accompanied by the sounds of the surrounding nature, as you and Ryan stared at each other. A moment later, he spoke up.

"That was awful."

"It was hilarious."

"I think you should stick to being a tour guide, angel. Comedy is clearly not your strong suit."

Pretending you didn't notice the affectionate nickname and fighting to suppress the blush threatening to spread over your cheeks, you stuck your tongue out at him and proceeded to skip across the remaining stones.

Sucking it up, Ryan gave one last sigh and followed your lead, a squelchsounding through the air each time his wet shoe met a stone.

✧✧✧

25 minutes into the 'adventure'.

With a gasp, you pointed at a beautiful natural water feature ahead of you, tucked away in a corner surrounded by rocks and vibrant green leaves. "Look!"

"Oh wow," Ryan matched your enthusium, "That's gorgeous."

"We have to get a picture there."

Taking note of the water flowing from above and the puddles it was forming on the sandy ground, Ryan shifted his weight from one leg to another. He had no desire to have yet another unfortunate water accident today. "Uhhh... we're pretty much guaranteed to get soaked if we stand over there."

"So? It's an adventure," you reminded him, giving his hair a light ruffle before dashing off.

Taking strategic steps to ensure that you weren't directly underneath the water falling from above, you steadied yourself by gripping the surrounding rocks. Now in the middle of the natural feature, you were able to appreciate its beauty in all its glory, and it was spectacular.

Any reluctance Ryan had had instantly dissipated the moment he saw you standing there, smiling that beautiful smile of yours and looking unapologetically happy.

It made him unapologetically fixated.

Realising that he still hadn't joined you, you looked to him and beckoned him over. He obliged without hestitation, not even bothering to dodge the water as he stepped into the space next to you.

The two of you marvelled at the beauty together for a few minutes, snapping a couple of pictures in the process. You had just finished taking a shot of a single flower growing in the secluded spot and were tucking the camera away when you felt his fingers graze your cheek.

His fingertips were rough – undoubtedly from all the guitar playing – and the contrast of that against your soft skin sent a shiver down your spine. Lifting your head, you locked eye contact with him and before you knew it, you were leaning in.

And he was leaning in too.

But then...

"GOTCHA!"

✧✧✧

That evening.

"When. Will. You. Stop. Ruining. My. Life?!" you yelled at (Y/B/F), accentuating each word with a smack of a throw pillow to her head.

"Hey!" Trying and failing to dodge your blows, she scrambled from the couch to the opposite end of the room and held out a hand to stop you. "I was just looking out for you!"

"'Looking out for me', my ass!" You hurtled the pillow at her. It hit her square in the face. "Why can't you let me just get some?!"

"I would gladly let you get some if the 'some' you were getting was not from some foreign musician who's gonna leave you alone in a few weeks!"

"I-"

Stopping your reply when you realised that you had no point to argue with, you chose instead to simply groan loudly, then storm off to your bedroom.

Puffing out her cheeks, (Y/B/F) shook her head and placed her hands on her hips. "She'll thank me eventually."

✧✧✧

Later that evening.

Approaching Ryan's room, Brendon exhaled heavily, mentally preparing to get into yet another argument about how he and (Y/B/F) wouldn't stop interferring with Ryan's attempts to get closer to you.

When he got to the door, however, he noticed his friend sitting on the edge of the bed, adoringly staring at a picture on his phone. Squinting, Brendon was able to make out that the picture Ryan was looking at was a picture of you – a candid shot where you were smelling a bunch of blooming flowers.

Hanging back, Brendon allowed his friend some more time. When he eventually spoke, he leaned against the doorframe and folded his arms.

"You're really falling for her, huh?"

Now aware of the presence of his bandmate, Ryan looked up from his phone. Noticing the serious expression on Brendon's face, Ryan realised that for the first time in this situation, he could talk about it without fear of negative pushback.

"Yup."

With an arch of a brow and a shake of his head, Brendon stepped into the room. "You know that there is no scenario in which neither of you end up getting hurt, right?" he sighed.

"Yup."

"So... what are you gonna do?"

Ryan looked down at the picture of you for a moment, and then back up at Brendon.

"I have no fucking idea."

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x

[on-the-shelves]

on my shelf: soundtrack to my second year of uni - summer

My second summer semester was full of concerts in the first half, which is partly reflected in the music I listened to to prepare or to reminisce (Jimmy Eat World and Arctic Monkeys). There are also new releases of old favourites (Panic! at the Disco, George Ezra, Arctic Monkeys) and a nostalgic album I only now got to fully appreciate. There is a lack of female representation though... But anyway, here are my most listened to albums of this summer semester.

Summer

Panic! at the Disco: Pray for the Wicked (2018)

That stint on Broadway really did Brendon Urie good. Everything he learned there is reflected on this album - his vocals sound more focussed and controlled, and the Broadway-esque melodies and sounds that have been hinted at in many of the previous albums, ever since the beginning of the band, are coming through more clearly now, still retaining that P!atD vibe and sound we’ve known since Brendon basically started calling all the shots since 2011′s Vices & Virtues. This album is fun, musically as well as lyrically but still being able to get serious, without being cliché, in the midst of it all.

George Ezra: Staying at Tamara’s (2018)

This album just makes you feel like everything will be okay eventually. There are so many happy and fun songs that never get too silly. I’ve never been in love but if it’s anything like George describes it on this album it sounds very nice. Special shoutout to the Cape Town reference in “Sugarcoat” which is literally where I was on holiday a few days after this album was released. Of course there are also some more serious sounding songs like “Saviour” which is almost eerie with the help of First Aid Kit.

Arctic Monkeys: Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino (2018)

Like I think at least 80% of Arctic Monkeys fans I was shocked and irritated when I first heard this album. It seemed so different to all of their previous work and not what I’d expected at all. I just couldn’t understand all these new sounds. Honestly, I was disappointed. But I would be seeing them a couple of weeks later so I tried giving it some more chances and thank goodness I did. The more you listen to it, the more you understand what it’s trying to do. It also helps to listen to the music it references, like French film soundtracks from the 60s and 70s for example (Alex Turner even gave MOJO a handy list of specific songs that inspired the album). At first it seemed like a gloomy winter album but now I can’t help connecting them with summer. And if you’re still not convinced that they’re actually pretty good, go to a show and hear them live - they have just as much energy as the older ones.

Jimmy Eat World:

Integrity Blues (2016)

Clarity (1999)

Futures (2004)

This band is criminally underrated these days and I don’t understand why. Their latest album “Integrity Blues” (plus the two new singles “Love Never” and “half heart”) still have that same heart on sleeve mentality as ever and yet the fanbase just doesn’t seem to gain many younger fans. Good real life example: I went to their show in Hanover, Germany a few months ago and I, as a 20-year old was probably the youngest person there, with everyone else being at least mid-20s. I mean, it was a great atmosphere and refreshing compared to basically every other show I ever go to where the audience is mostly teenage girls, but why weren’t there any teenage girls (or boys)? Either way, I’m just glad the band’s still going strong. And I can’t believe I only recently started listening to their other music (for at least 4 years I only listened to “Bleed American”), it’s just so good musically and lyrically.

fun.: Some Nights (2012)

I loved this album in 2012 but never got round to buying it. But on holiday in South Africa this year I finally picked it up (better late than never!) and then listened to it non-stop for a solid week or two. It’s very diverse, theatrical, kind of sad but not obviously so, and surprising. I mean, just listen to “Some Nights” or “Why Am I The One” and then listen to “It Gets Better”. If you’re a fan of Panic! at the Disco and haven’t listened to this album, you should get on that.

Harry Styles: Harry Styles (2017)

I only started listening to this album a week or two after classes for this semester ended but I was still in study mode for those exams so I think it belongs here. The album isn’t what I expected from him, and yet it absolutely is. It’s contemporary, but at the same time from another time, probably around the 1970s. It flows from almost soft rock to uptempo rock bangers and stays sincere, but not in a try-hard way. It’s perfect for driving around late afternoon when the sun is slowly starting to set and everything looks golden.

Marina and the Diamonds: Electra Heart (2012)

I’ve been listening to Marina’s music since about 2011, but I haven’t been able to really get into any of her music besides Family Jewels. That changed in the summer break though: I randomly decided to put on the CD I’ve had for many years and read along with the lyrics and listen more closely in general. It hit me. There’s a lot of darkness hidden beneath candy, but also pretty out in the open on this record, and maybe now I could finally understand what was going on. Now just give me a couple more years to properly get into Froot because apparently I need it.

______________

Summer semester 2018 was filled especially with males and quite a variety of sounds, but especially newer music. Thematically it ranged from kind of sad or at least serious to comfortingly happy and ecstatic at points thanks to Panic! at the Disco. I saw Walk The Moon, Arctic Monkeys, Jimmy Eat World, and Demi Lovato live so I listened to their music a bunch.