#you have been with me for 21 goddamn years!!!

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

why must washing your childhood plushies feel like such a harrowing experience

[chipped-chimera]

... wait, people in their 20s seriously consider themselves to be a 'late bloomer' lesbian?? What??????

[webshooterrr9]

dbf!miguel staying over

i mean....... i had to eventually...

w.c: 2.6k

content warning: alcohol usage, age gap (reader is 21, Miguel is 35), smut, unprotected PiV sex (wrap it before you tap it!), slight dom/sub dynamic but not really because mig is such a sweetie and reader is sassy af, teasing because mig is secretly a meanie :(, not really tho he wants it just as much as her, big scary men whimpering!!!

sorry for y'all who don't speak spanish cuz i didn't feel like adding translations because it messed up the look but dw most of it is in english

Miguel and your father have been friends since college.

When your dad needed help with homework, Miguel was there. When your dad needed someone to pass to during the game, Miguel was there. When your dad mourned the loss of your mom, taken from the world too soon, Miguel was there. There were countless nights where Miguel would tutor your dad on subjects he struggled with after missing classes to take care of you: the angel he was gifted with in high school. Although he admits you came into his life a bit too early for comfort, he has always loved and prioritized you. And Miguel quickly became your dad’s best friend because, although he never met you, he could tell just how much your father cared about you.

And so he was always there for your dad. All through college and beyond.

It wasn’t until you started college that Miguel had the pleasure of meeting you. Your dad had planned a hangout with the three of you, telling you about how important it is to have a good friend on your side, how it helped him when times got tough.

And now you’re 21 - sitting on your childhood bed after coming home from college for the summer. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t been thinking about Miguel since you’ve been home. When you met him three years ago, you were somewhat intimidated by him. How could you not? Look at the sheer size of that man. But you came to know through your school breaks that he was a lot more laid-back than you previously thought. You hate to admit it, but you’ve developed a slight crush on him. It’s stupid, you know, but how could you possibly resist those deep brown eyes and that smooth baritone voice that pulls you in every time?

Knock knock “Chiquita?”

You recognized that silky tone. It was Miguel.

“Yeah?” you say, putting your phone to the side. “Come in.” The doorknob twists and your door slowly creeps open. Behind it was that beautiful man: soft brown curls, slightly hidden by a backwards cap, a strong nose, dusty jeans that hug his legs just right, and a plain white tee with a gold cross dangling from a chain around his neck. Your dad’s best friend. Miguel.

He steps into your room and lingers by the door, a lazy smile across his face.  Dios… he was something else.

“¿Qué estás haciendo, mami? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

You sit up straighter, trying not to look as lousy as you feel. He came in here looking like a goddamn Roman god and you’re just sitting in your pjs. “Just scrolling,” you reply. “Trying to enjoy my time without homework.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Your papi invited me over,” he says, stepping further into the room. “Just to catch up and share a few Modelos.”

You watch his arms cross over his chest, the sleeves of his tee tightening around his huge arms. “Doesn’t explain why you’re in here,” you say. “Shouldn’t you be out back with him, then?”

“What, ¿no puedo saludar a la hija de mi amigo?" he laughs. “That’s not fair.” he adds with a fake pout that makes you giggle.

“I didn’t say that,” you smile. He walks over and sits on the edge of your bed. You notice his watch gleam in the sunlight filtering through your windows. “Did you come here from work? Your shirt is dirty as hell.”

“You know how it is, beba. Being a blue collar worker is a tough job.”

You snort. “Please, being a mechanic is hardly blue collar work. You stay inside a garage all day.”

“My customers would beg to differ,” Miguel says. “You should see how many señoras come into my garage looking for a replacement for their shitty husbands.”

“Makes me feel like they’re tryna put a ring on it.” he wiggles his calloused fingers in front of you for added effect.

“Well, it makes sense,” you say. “You’re about their age anyway.”

“Oye!” he laughs. “I’m thirty-five, thank you very much. Not even close to their age.”

You roll your eyes. “Whatever you say, viejo.”

The sun had set an hour ago and he hadn’t gone home yet.

Despite the amount of times Miguel offered to leave, not wanting to overstay his welcome, your father insisted he stay for “ten more minutes” and handed him another beer each time. The sound of the two men laughing from the living room kept you awake. It normally wouldn’t bother you, since you’re a night owl anyway, but you have plans with your friend tomorrow that you have to wake up early for.

You exit the comfort of your bedroom and head into the living room where you find Miguel and your dad chatting loudly on the couch. Miguel’s arm is draped over the back of the sofa, which accentuates his already defined chest - not to mention the dim lamp light casting beautiful shadows on his face.

“Ah, mija, there you are!” your father exclaims, very drunkenly. “I was wondering where you were. No te he visto en todo el día!”

“Lo siento, papi.” You reply, leaning against the wall. Miguel’s stare feels hot on your skin. You can see him through your peripheral vision, looking as handsome as ever.

“Es tarde en la noche, chiquita.” Miguel says, his words coming out slower due to all the Modelo in his system. “Why are you still up?”

“That’s exactly why I came in here; to tell you two to shut up.”

“¡Oye! Watch your mouth, mija.” your dad says sternly, while Miguel just chuckles.

“Sorry, pequeña,” Miguel says, setting his beer down on the coffee table. “We’ll keep it down. But don’t swear at your padre, yeah? Respect your elders.”

“Uh huh.” you shrug, waving the two men goodbye as you retire to your bedroom. You were sure that Miguel would still be there when you woke up in the morning, but hopefully he’ll be passed out by then and not still chatting with your dad.

----

You fall asleep almost immediately. The newly-installed fan in your room helped rid the summer heat and cool your bedroom to a comfortable temperature, while still allowing you to snuggle up under the blankets. A band tee and plain panties is all you wore, which was normal for you unless you were staying at a friend's house - at which point you’d obviously throw on some shorts. The moon shining through your windows acts as a sort of night-light, and you’re soothed to sleep by the crickets outside and the less-deafening sound of chatter from your living room.

Your alarm wakes you up around 8am, which is earlier than you normally start your day. As you go to turn off the noise, you hear a tired groan come from behind you. “Mmph… turn that off.”

You flinch and turn around, covering yourself with your blankets at the stranger in your bed. But it wasn’t a stranger. It was Miguel.

“Miguel!” you whisper-shout, nudging his shoulder. “What the hell are you doing in here?”

He huffs and pushes his face into your pillow, and this is your first chance to get a good look at him. He’s shirtless, of course, but his muscular frame isn’t what draws you to him. His hair is tousled from sleep in a way you haven’t seen before, a grumpy pout peeking out from the pillow he’s buried his face in. He still has his gold chain around his neck, but he seems to have discarded his hat and jeans - which you see laying on your floor. You knew this man was gorgeous… but this was the most stunning you’ve ever seen him. The morning light only makes it better.

“Tu papá durmió en el sofá,” he mumbled, the sleepiness of his voice making him sound more attractive than ever. “And his room was too hot to sleep in.”

“That doesn’t explain why you decided to crawl into my bed unannounced.” you say.

He turns his head to look at you, and one of his arms slides under his pillow to prop himself up. “Cálmate, princesa. You had tons of room and it was cool in here.”

“God, you’re annoying.”

You sit up and brush the hair out of your face, trying to wake yourself up so that you can get ready. Miguel sleepily snakes an arm around your waist and pulls you back down. Your head flops on the pillow and messes up your hair once again.

“Quédate, mami. Sleep with me.” he mumbles, closing his eyes once more.

“E-Excuse me!?” Oh you were definitely blushing now. No way he just said that! You knew that he didn’t actually mean it like that… but you also knew that he wasn’t dumb. Whether his intentions were pure or not, you knew that he worded it that way on purpose. Was your silly little crush reciprocated?

He hugs you closer to him, pulling you flush against his bare chest. The cold metal of his necklace makes you shiver, especially in contrast with how hot his body is. Temperature, you mean.

“You heard me.” he doubles down.

“Do you even-”

“I know what I said, chiquita.” Miguel opens his eyes now - the lazy drawl of his voice becoming more awake and purposeful. His gaze on you is unbearable. You could feel the intensity of his stare. “And I know what I meant.”

You stare at him in silence. How could you speak? The man who you’ve had a crush on since you started college was in your bed, half naked, making a move on you. Part of you thinks that he’s waited long enough to finally do this, but another part of you feels some sort of guilt. He’s over a decade older than you, and a family friend no less. You can see through his eyes that he feels similarly, but his passion is overpowering any sense of guilt. Besides, you’re both adults. How bad could it be?

He leans over you, pinning you down onto your own mattress. A position that’s typically domineering, and yet, you can see his gaze soften uncharacteristically for him. He brushes a strand of loose hair away from your face.

“Que linda…” he mumbles, eyes trailing all over your face. “Eres tan hermosa.”

Miguel leans his face closer to yours, his gold cross dangling from his neck and touching yours. You can feel his warm breath ghosting over your lips. You’re stunned but also… excited?

“Miguel.”

“Yes?”

“Quiero sentirte.” you whisper, your eyes meeting his. You hear his breath catch in his throat. “Tócame. Hazme el amor.”

He chuckles, a flirty pout crossing his face. “Oh, pobrecita…” he grins, tracing your jawline with his dexterous fingers. Your face tilts up closer to his, your lips brushing as he speaks. “You know I can’t do that.”

...

What?

“Why not?” he can visibly hear the disappointment in your voice. It almost makes him feel bad, especially with how beautiful you look in the morning light.

“Don’t wanna wake your papi, nena.” he caresses your face once more, leaning back a little so he can look at your face properly. “I can’t make you scream while everyone else is asleep. We have to keep this a secret. But where’s the fun in sex if I can’t hear your pretty whines, hm?”

You smack his chest. “Oh fuck off, Mig. Come here.”

Before he can respond, you grab him by his necklace and drag him down to your lips. The moment your mouths connect, it’s like fireworks going off in his head. He swears you taste better than any bizcocho he’s ever had. Miguel holds your waist as you tangle your hands through his hair, and he lets out a soft groan. His hips involuntarily rut against your thigh, and he decides he can’t take it anymore.

His hand dips between the two of you to tug your panties down, freeing your skin to his touch. His thumb lazily circles your clit, while the other calloused hand is still resting on your hips. He feels like he’s in heaven, feeling you squirm underneath him, but he knows this is only the start of the fun you’ll have together. He swallows every sound you make with his lips on yours, his tongue fighting with yours for control. He pulls his hands back once he’s sure that you’re wet and ready. You two are gasping for air by the time your lips part, and his deep eyes look into yours with a silent plea. You nod your head desperately.

Miguel makes quick work of removing what little clothes he had left on his lower body before sinking into your warmth, slowly but surely. You gasp.

He leans his forehead against yours, savoring the moment of stillness. It’s like you two are in your own little bubble - no one else can interfere. He kisses you lovingly as he starts to move, silencing any moans or sighs you might have that others could hear. You’re just for him, no one else can experience you. His thrusts are slow, but agonizingly deep. You feel it deep in your core, kissing your cervix with every push of his hips forward.

“God…” he whines. “You feel so fucking good. So good for me, baby.” You arch against him, your hands dragging along his back for support. He glances down at where your two bodies connect, and the sight almost makes him pass out. “Que cosita más linda, mami.” he whispers.

“Damelo… please..” you whine, scrunching your eyes shut with all the pleasure you feel.

“I am, nena, I am. It’s all for you, princesa. I promise.”

His pace speeds up a little more, but he’s still pushing into you just as deep, “Show me you love it, baby. Mírame.”

You meet his gaze with glassy eyes, breathing heavily and nails digging into his back. You wrap your legs around his slim waist and he throws his head back at the tighter feel. “That’s it, baby. Así así…”

He’s rutting into you wildly, chasing his high. You look down to watch as his dick disappears into your cunt. The wet sounds of his hips smacking yours clouds your mind. Each roll of his hips brings you closer to the edge. “You’re so pretty, muñeca. So so pretty f’me.”

His large hands sneak under your t-shirt and grope your tits, squeezing and caressing in a way that makes you hazy. “Want you to look at me while I fill you up. Can you do that for me, baby?”

You nod your head frantically, scratching the skin of his shoulders. You’ve never wanted anything more. The two of you are getting dangerously close to climax, and you swear you can hear him whimper.

“God, baby, feels so fucking good. No puedo más, no puedo más…!”

A squeal escapes you as he spills into your heat, with your own crescendo arriving shortly after. There’s a creamy white ring around his base as he starts to slow the roll of his hips. Miguel eventually stills and collapses, hugging you close in the same sort of cuddle as before, but still resting inside you.

After the exhaustion wears off, you pull back to stare into his eyes. A hand comes up to cup his face, rubbing his flushed cheek gently. “That was fucking amazing, Mig. I haven’t felt that good in so long.”

He laughs softly, returning your affectionate gaze. “Do you think your papi heard us?”

“Definitely not.” you giggle. “He’s a heavy sleeper.”

“That’s good.” Miguel holds you for a few more minutes, just silently staring at you. You can’t even imagine how blissed out you must look right now, but it’s all so gorgeous to him. “Eres increíble, mi vida.”

You hum in delight, stroking his cheeks once more. “You too, mi cielo.”

... you're gonna have to cancel your plans for today.

sort of switched to Miguel's pov in the last section cuz i wanted to experiment :))))

i hope you guys liked it!! dbf!miguel inspiration from @mybvalentine

and yes... he's a mechanic. it just suits him ok??

----

webshooterrr9

[gojos-version]

How scandalous!

Pairings- Y/N x Dad's best friend! Toji Fushiguro

Summary- Your dad’s best friend stays the night and you are too coincidentally! This is part 1. Part 2 can be found here!

Warnings- Size kink, tummy bulge, anal, vibrator used, reader gets fucked in a closet, unprotected sex, breeding and kissing.

Word count- 4k words!!

Proof read- ✅

A/N- HIII yes, I made this filthy why? this is a filthy troupe. anyway, I've finally finished this at 4am giggles. By the way reader is 21 and Tojis around 40. I really enjoyed writing this it got my creativity GOING and my jenis hard. writing this made me tickle my pickle so I hope you enjoy this, and it tickles your pickle too!! :33

⋆ ✩°｡⋆ 𖦹｡˚ ⋆ ✮ ༺ ⟡ ݁₊ ⊹ ა ✧ ໒ ⊹ ₊ ݁ ݁⟡ ༻ ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩ ⊰⊱ ✩°｡⋆ 𖦹｡˚ ⋆

You knock on your dads door. You don't live with him anymore since you got a place of your own, but you still visit when you can. The door opens revealing your dad, his eyes lighten up at the sight of you. “Sweetheart! I haven't seen you in so long!” Your dad brings you in for a tight hug making you laugh, “I know it’s been too long, I've been so busy I'm sorry dad! Is it okay if I stay 2 nights? So we can catch up?”, “Ofcourse, you’re welcome to stay as long as you want!” Your dad lets go of you and moves aside so you can come in. “Oh and by the way, Toji’s coming to stay the night tonight” Your dad adds unexpectedly. What. what. Toji??!! Oh god. Your heart flutters at the thought. You can't lie to yourself growing up. Toji was around alot with your dad, since your mum wasn't around Toji helped your dad out alot with you. 

Ever since you were younger you always had a crush on him. You're 21 now but god you still don't have a boyfriend. Nothing seems appealing about any of them men you’ve been on a talking stage with. You tried to move on from your childish crush. But how could you when he was so goddamn sexy. “O-oh? He’s staying the night? That's surprising I didn't think I'd see him!” You play off cooly, ignoring your thumping heart. 

You put your bag down in your old childhood bedroom and take it all in. nothing changed, everythings still where it used to be. Even the clothes you left here last time you slept over were in the closet. “Y/N! I’m going to the store real quick! Please answer the door if it rings!” Your dad yells out, you let out an “Okay!” and you hear the door shut. You walk out into the living room and sit down watching TV mindlessly. All of a sudden you hear the doorbell ring and you jump onto your feet, looking in the peephole you see him. There he is. Standing with his hands in his pockets and a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. His big. Muscular. Shoulder. 

You open the door after calming yourself down. “Long time no see.” you greet him, the tip of your ears go red, thankfully he can't see them because your hair covers them. “Didn't see ya there, doll, ‘t's been a while.” the scar on his lip twitching as he smirks. He takes you in, it's been a good year or two since he's seen you, you're wearing a top and a skirt but god does the top hug your curves and the skirt sitting just right stopping at your mid thigh. His Adam apple bobs as he swallows, “Mhm, it has” You smile curtly. Stepping to the side so he can come in. “Dads gone up to the shops to get something, I'm not sure when he’ll be back.” You continue, fiddling with your fingers. 

“Mm, that's fine, doll” He says, putting his duffel bag on the couch before he continues, “You look pretty, doll since the last time i've seen ya, you've grown a lot.” You feel your cheeks heat up in response, your heart thumping against your chest. Why were you feeling this way? You’re over your childhood crush on him..well you thought so at least. “I-Thank you.. You’re not so bad for an old man.” You play it off in a teasing voice, he lets out a laugh, “Old huh?” He grins, “Yeah, you're pushing 40 old man, be careful you might break your back tying your shoes.” You retort, His eye twitches “Yeah? You seem oddly flustered by this ‘old man’ hm? You think i dont notice you clenching your thighs together, doll?” He steps closer to you with a smirk that makes your little cunt throb with need.

“I-How’d you notice-” You gasp out, “You’re clenching your thighs together like a little slut.” You feel yourself gulp as he moves closer to you, his larger hand cupping your chin, tilting your face up to look into his green orbs.

This is wrong. You shouldn't be so turned on by his simple touch. You shouldnt be wanting to fuck your dads best friend. You shouldnt be craving Toji’s cock deep inside of you right now. His thick thumb thumbs at your bottom lip and without thinking you take his thumb into your mouth and suck on it sensually. Swirling the tip of your tongue around the tip is his thumb, you then move your tongue to the underside of his thumb as you suck hard. Toji grunts out a moan as he takes his thumb out of your mouth. “You little fuckin’ slut.” Is what you hear before he's crashing his lips onto yours. Hard. his tongue dominating your mouth making your back arch towards his body, his hands coming down to cup and squeeze your ass. His tongue greedily swallows the moans coming out of your throat, his tongue exploring the crevices of your mouth making you oh so wet. You were certain you were leaking down your thighs. 

“Jump.” He mutters against your lips, kissing you again and you do as he says, your legs wrapping around his large bulky waist. The scar on his lip rubbing against your mouth made you feel oh so turned on. He carries you to a bedroom. You don't know which bedroom he took you to. But you couldn't care right now. He shoves you on the bed and no he doesnt pull your top off. The man rips it off and throws your bra behind him and when he starts sucking on your breasts you can't help but gasp and moan pathetically. “T-toji-! A-ah!”, “Quiet doll. Needa hear when your dad opens the door so we don't get caught.” he grunts out, his free hand fondling your tit that's not getting his mouth's attention. Your back arches towards him making your tit go somehow further in his mouth. “P-please-!” you don't even know what you're begging for. “Please huh? What are you begging for, sweetheart?” He nibbles on your nipple making your hands fly to his hair and tug harshly on his scalp.

“Need you so baaaadd” You whimper out, grinding your wet little cunt pathetically on his chiselled torso. “Yer so fukin’ desperate, doll. Relax your little cunt.” He grunts out moving to assault your other tit with his tongue. You let out a pathetic whimper, your panties are drenched, your thighs are covered in your own slick from rubbing them together for friction and now Toji’s abdomen is soaked from you pathetically rubbing your cunt on him. Both your nipples drenched with his saliva, he nips his way down to your skirt and panties. “Careful doll. Yer drenching your dads bed. Wouldn't want him to find out about this would we?” He pulls your skirt off leaving you in your drenched panties. 

What. what. We’re not in the spare room or my old bedroom??!! Your heart rate picks up in panic. “T-toji- you didn't go to the spare room or my old room?? Are you crazy?? We need to not do this here or he’ll find out-” He cuts you off with a sharp slap to your clothed cunt. His large thumb presses gently on your clothed clit moving down to your hole he puts more pressure humming in satisfaction as your cunt opens; when all he's done was suck on your now sore boobs.

“Quit yer whining, girl.” He snarls, pushing his thumb into your clothed hole making you whimper harshly. “T-toji- need you- stop teasing. Puhlease!” You look down at him and he smirks. “Don't be a brat and tell me what to do.” He grunts out finally pulling your soaked, dripping panties down and the nasty man shoves it in his pocket. “Hey- my panties-ah!” he cuts you off by licking a stripe on your cunt. “‘M keeping it for later, you dont mind right, doll?” He says before sucking on your clit, his thick fingers circling your hole before he pushes in 2 fingers knuckle deep. You cry out at the sudden intrusion. He starts suckling on your clit as he pumps his fingers in and out of your puckered hole with a loud squelch with every thrust of his fingers. Your fingers grip at his hair tugging him closer to you, and god you moan so loud when the scar on his lip makes contact with you. Your eyes crossed and head back you don't realise he's sinking another finger into you before he starts thrusting 3 fingers in and out of your cunt rhythmically.

“To-oojjiii-! Ah! O-oh my god-! A-ah!” You grip his scalp, your manicured nails massaging him. He moans into your sopping cunt adding to your pleasure. His thick fingers stretch your cunt and you clench around him taking his thick fingers in. The stimulation of his tongue on his clit and his fingers curling to your g spot with every hit made you unexpectedly squirt all over his chin. “I-im shoorryy-!!! Aah!!” You squeal out and he pulls away. He pulls his pants down exposing his thick throbbing cock.��

You gape at his length dripping with precum. It's so big and thick. He jerks his cock making it twitch, “Don’t be so shocked, doll, don't tell me you can't take it, hm?” He teases, he rubs his leaking tip along your folds making you gasp. Resting his heavy length along your hot cunt has you panting. Your lips part around his thick, heavy cock welcoming him to sink inside of you. But he stays there for a bit, both of you panting, “P-please..need to feel you..” You whimper out looking at him with doe eyes. 

“For that ‘m gonna breed you.” That's the last thing you hear before he pushes his thick, long cock inside of you making your hands fly to his shoulders and gripping him with all your might as he sinks inside of you. He sinks in balls deep, his balls slapping against your ass as he’s got his entire cock inside of you. It kisses your cervix oh so perfectly. It's like you were made for him. He pulls his hips back then drives his hip back to hit your cervix, each thrust feels so deep. “A-ah! To-jii- O-oh my god- ah!” you babble mindlessly as he thrusts inside of you, every thrust to the hilt. He drags his cock almost out, tip remaining in your puffy walls then slamming them back to hit your cervix. Again. Again. And again. 

His tall broady frame leans over yours, taking your right leg and pushing it to your chest, his thigh goes over your other leg as a lewd plap! Plap! Plap! Is all you can hear besides your loud squelches your cunt makes. Your body’s tingling all over like electricity zapping all through your veins continuously, his thrusts are the only thing you can feel the pleasure making you cry out with every drag of his hips. His hand snakes down to your tummy where his big cock makes a bulge with every move of his hips. He presses down harshly making you scream out, dumb tears dripping down your face. His other hand lets go of your thigh and rubs harsh infinity circles on your clit making your legs shake at how much stimulation he's giving you.

“Yeah. that's it, girl, take it. Take it you fucking slut.” He grunts out his hips continuously slamming into yours faster and faster and faster. “T-tojii!! I’m coominnggg-a-ah!!” You scream out suddenly squirting all over him. His thighs and abdomen drenched in your wetness. With a grunt he fills you up with so much cum. It practically leaks out even with his cock filling you. All of a sudden as you're both panting you hear the door open, “Y/n! I’m home! Toji, i see your bag!” Your dad yells out announcing his presence and you both freeze. Your blood runs cold. No way. His footsteps around the house, “Hello? Where are you both?”, “Toji..” You whisper to him nervously. “Shit.” He mutters under his breath, Toji picks you up and kicks both of your clothes under the bed and goes in the closet. “Shut the door f’me doll.” He whispers into your ear, his breath fanning over your ear making you clench around his cock. Thankfully your dad had a dark blanket on so it wasn't noticeable and the window open. It worked in your favours surprisingly. 

He leaned his back next to the doors on the wall, your dads clothes right next to you both as your legs were wrapped around his waist, cock still inside of you and your arms wrapped around his neck. Toji starts thrusting harshly suddenly inside of you and you rush to cover your mouth to stop the moans pouring out of your mouth. Tojis hands grip your ass, spreading your cheeks and moving your hips slamming them down onto his cock and he thrusts his cock up into you making you clench your hand harder around your mouth to silence your moans. Toji bites your shoulder to keep himself quiet as well, your eyes flit next to you, the closet doors; they had shutters on them so you could see the bed..and if your dad walked in..but he couldn't see the both of you which was good! Right? It was really hard to stay quiet when Toji’s thick mushroom tip was kissing your womb making your legs shake around him.

Your tits flat against his hard pecs, bouncing up and down when his hips met yours harshly adding to both of your stimulations. “Y/n? Toji? Where are you both??” Your dad then opens the door, walking in and looking around his room, you tap Toji’s shoulder to warn him and if anything his thrusts get harsher. Making you fight so hard to stay quiet. Your dad for a minute looks at the closet, coming closer to it then stopping himself, “Maybe they went for a walk..” He mumbles, walking out and shutting the door sitting on the couch. You could tell by which direction his footsteps were walking and the sound of the TV turning on.

The hand that isn't gripping your mouth grips the back of Toji’s neck as he doesnt stop thrusting into you, your body heats up, the knot in your stomach tightening signalling your release is coming. Your walls clench around his cock basically choking his poor dick. Your hand lets go of your mouth, “T-to-ji! Ah-ah! I’m g-gonna- ah! Ah! Ah!” You rush to cover your mouth again, your slick and his cum from earlier dripping down yours and his legs. Suddenly the elastic band that's your release snaps and you cum hard. Your eyes roll back and shut, you feel like you're above heaven. White pleasure filling your veins as you shake all over.

“S-shit!” He moans out, filling you up with his come, your tummy bulging a bit from how much he filled you up. You're not even finished coming down from your high before his foot kicks the closet door open and he pulls out, putting you on the ground with your ass in the air and chest on the floor. “T-toji- what are you- annghh!” You couldn't even finish talking before he spanks your ass, spreading your cheeks apart. This big thumb goes over your ass hole. “What do ya think, doll? Reckon I can make it fit, hm?” his thumb circles your little hole and you gasp. “W-wait- oh!” He spits on your hole and runs his pointer finger through your soaked folds and sinks his finger into your ass.

You slap your palm on your mouth again as he fingers your ass open, it feels so weird but it felt so good at the same time. You're moaning against your hand, forgetting to put your pressure against your mouth as he fits a 2nd hand in, your ass wet from how much he's spitting on it to lubricate it. “Mm lets see if we can fit another finger, kay doll?”, “H-hurtttss Toj’” you whimper out, you push your cheek further into the ground when he slowly does, bucking your hips towards him. He jerks his cock with his free hand and takes his fingers out. “Ready, doll?”, “Y-yeah..” You brace yourself; ready to feel his member push into you. God you didn't expect it to feel this good. His big fat tip pushes slowly into your ass, spitting occasionally on your hole so it goes in easier. Your hand gripping your face so tightly to avoid screaming out. 

Slowly his entire cock is inside of you to the hilt, his balls against your puffy clit. He starts thrusting sloppily into your ass making your eyes cross. Toji reaches over you grabbing a vibrator? “Hid this here last week when i was over. Knew id fuck the shit out of you when id eventually see ya.” He grunts out as he turns it on to max speed and shoves it into your needy cunt making you drool dumbly on the floor. You try to crawl away from his merciless thrusts but when you try to he drags you back and thrusts so fucking hard you feel the air in your lungs leave.

The vibrator isn't helping you either as it buzzes inside of you, it has a compartment that vibrates your clit too which really doesn't help right now because you feel like squirting everywhere if you even could anymore. “That's it. Take it. Take all of it.” He grunts out his chest against your back, pinning you to the ground not like you could move anyway. Your body feels like it's zapping and on fire, the pleasure too intense. Your free hand that's not covering your mouth scratches at the carpet, your eyes shutting as the knot in your tummy is tightening for the third time and it's not even night. You're panting under your hand, your walls clenching around his cock and the vibrator. 

Suddenly you feel like you're higher than the sky. You're shaking. You can feel Toji’s cum filling up your ass with so much cum again. Your orgasm comes crashing down like a freight train as you squirt all over him again. Making your juices drip off the both of you. “Get dressed. We gotta act like nothing happened, kay doll?” His deep voice rings through your ears and you pout; “You ripped my clothes you brute!” Whisper shouting it and he gives you an innocent look, “Oops, not my fault you wore such a slutty outfit.” He retorts, pulling out of you but keeping the vibrator on low. “W-wait aren't you pulling it out-” “No. keep it in.” He cuts you off and slips his clothes on, leaving the room. What you didn't know was he could control the vibrator with his phone. Oh youre so fucked. But you didn't know that yet.

You slip your skirt on and bra and well.. Your tops.. Ripped. You open the door and tip toe to your childhood bedroom past your dad and now Toji on the couch, you go and look in your bag for some panties. Thank god you always bring extra panties. You slip them on and put on a top, fixing your dishevelled hair and you freeze suddenly. Did the vibrator just go faster? Oh god. You throb putting your hand over your mouth. What the fuck do you do?? You can't slip up around your dad.. 

You clear your throat and walk to the lounge room and greet your dad and Toji. “Oh dad you're home? Hi Toji” You smile, trying to hide the shaking in your voice. Your dad smiles, “Where were you?” “Oh-! I was out front and some lady needed my help with something.” You play off cooly and your dad nods his head, “Ah! That’s good, you’ve always been helping people. Isn't that right, Toji?” “Yeah, she's a good kid.” Toji nods and opens his phone. Oh he better not. You felt the vibrator go on level 3 and your ears heat up. Shit. you chew on your cheek and smile. “Do you want-uh- tea or anything?”, “Sure, sweetheart, Toji do you want anything?” Your dad turns to him and Toji throws you a little smirk making your cheeks flush. “Yeah why not”, “okay” You nod and go to the kitchen, turning the kettle on.

You gasp and cover your mouth as the intensity goes up 1? No 2? F-fuck no. 3. Levels. Your thighs clench together and you're pretty sure Toji’s cum’s still dripping onto your panties. Fuck. you're on level 6 and you feel like exploding. Your hands grip the edge of the counter trying to keep it together, your knuckles turning white. Shit. it turned up again?? This has to be level 7..yet..fuck. No you can't cum. Not now. The tea kettle dings that it's ready and you clench as hard as you can to keep yourself together. You struggle to get both cups and pour the hot water into the mugs. You get tea bags and put them in stirring it, you gasp loudly and cover your mouth. Fuck. level 8 by now. Shit. shit. Shit. its stimulating your clit and your cunt. Fuck. fuck. Fuck.

Maybe you could just cum then give them the tea? Shit no he wouldn't turn it off and you'd be overstimulated. And that makes you come quicker. Fuck what do you do?? Your heart thumps and your body feels hot all over. Shit. y/n. Give them the tea and say you gotta go to the bathroom. Yeah. you can do this. You grab both the mugs shakily and walk to them. Fuck Toji looks so good you wanna jump on him so bad and bounce on his dick. Shit you can't. “Here you g-go its d-done.” You try not to let the shaking get to your voice, “Thank you sweetheart” Your dad chimes, “Thank you, doll” Tojis deep voice rings out.

As you walk away, the level increases again making you jump slightly. Fucking hell you were going to kill Toji. “Where are you going? Spend time with us, ‘ts been a while since i've seen ya kid” Toji says, taking a sip of tea and smirking over at you. “I-i need to go to the bathroom. Then I will.” You then rush out to the bathroom leaning against the back of the door as the level finally hits 10. Shit. your hand covers your mouth and your free hand gropes your tit as you cum. Hard. all in your poor panties. Fuck. fuck the vibrator isnt slowling down either. You slink down and sit on the floor, your legs shaking as you wither in overstimulation. 

The door suddenly pushes open, you slide away from the impact; enough so Toji can step in. his menacing smirks all you can see and fucking hell it makes that knot tighten again in your core. “T-toji..” You let out breathily, “Hmm? Yer so worked up, doll” He picks you up and bends you over the sink, a mirror in front of both of you. He pulls your skirt up and moves your panties to the side. He pulls the vibrator out of you and shuts it off, he then slips his cock out of his sweats and sinks deep into your sloppy cunt. Your hand clamps over your mouth as his hand grips your hair and forces you to watch his hips slam into yours. 

The hand that's not gripping your hair moves to your throat and applies enough pleasure to make the corner of your vision slightly blur. Fuck. you weren't going to make it out alive. The worst part is Toji didn't even lock the door. You were both fucked if your dad gets suspicious and walks in. but right now you couldn't care less when Toji’s tip was bullying your cervix. He pushes your head closer to the mirror and one knee goes on the sink deepening his thrusts making your muffled moans go louder. Your body was tingling so good. All of a sudden the door opens and your dad stands there, mouth agape in shock and Toji stills inside of you.

“We need to fucking talk.”

⋆ ✩°｡⋆ 𖦹｡˚ ⋆ ✮ ༺ ⟡ ݁₊ ⊹ ა ✧ ໒ ⊹ ₊ ݁ ݁⟡ ༻ ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩ ⊰⊱ ✩°｡⋆ 𖦹｡˚ ⋆

Masterlist<3

[scourgeofmyownbrain]

I have noticed things about this Bumblebee design, and I can't stay silent about it anymore. (If I do not speak my mind now, I fear I may explode, so please bear with my unhinged screaming, this is good for my health.)

I have compiled my thoughts into a post because I want to spread my insanity like a plague. There are things about this YELLOW MOTHER FUCKER that I can not let go un-acknowledged anymore, THE WORLD WILL KNOW OF YOUR SINS AND I WILL BE THE ONE TO REVEAL THEM

Did you notice anything off or weird about Bumblebee in TFP? Did you? Did you notice? Anything?

BECAUSE I DID

BOY FUCKING DID I

TO begin, this fucker has no eye lids. No, I am not kidding, he never blinks. Ever. Entire show. Not one flutter of a wayward eyelid. Those eyebrows do SO MUCH heavy lifting. There are three other characters (Soundwave, Shockwave, and the Vehicons) that also do not blink, but they have either one big eye and no face or a full face mask, NOT TWO COMPLETELY NORMAL EYES THAT JUST DON’T BLINK

Second, his battle "mask." There are maybe like, 3 instances of a battle mask in the entire show: Optimus, Wheeljack, Bumblebee, and I think that's it. And Bumblebee's is the only one that looks like that, that barely-cover-the-mouth thing it's doing.

Why do his upper arms look so disproportionate to his lower arms? They look too small, the wheel looks like it’s most of the structure and, once again, no one else’s looks like this. Look at his horrific shoulders. What kind of unloving god would make this? (also im like 80% sure his left shoulder is clipping on his body just to accommodate this shot fUCKing hoRriFiC CHoicEs gENTlemen leTs KeeP fUCKINg doing iT)

Exhaust Pipes. I shant say more.

Yes, his insignia is fucking tiny and on his pelvis. Do with that what you will. no one else's is like this why-

Mothers and Fuckers I give you the BANE of My Existence, TFP BUMBLEBEE’S HOLLOW KNEES. Look at those fuckers I can thread a stick right through it. These stupid fucking triangles have been haunting me for YEARS, and, just like his eyes, NO OTHER CHARACTER HAS KNEES LIKE THIS!! I feel nothing but rage looking at this, I hate his knees with a fucking passion I am going to commit 8 felonies

Why do his knee spikes stick out so far? Why. Several other characters have similar spikes, why are Bee’s so far out. The Knees...are probably making it look worse than it is.

HIS FEET ARE TOO BIG FOR HIS LEGS WHY ARE THEY SO MUCH BIGGER! They look like clown shoes, why are they so enormous, they look so disproportionate to the rest of his body. It’s so suddenly too, his feet just abruptly explode out.

Bumblebee has no ankles. All of my emotions have shut off. Everyone else has an their joint is closer to their heel, more in the middle of their foot. Bee’s joint is too far away from his heel, more at the front of his foot. Why iS HIS HEEL SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THE REST OF HIS FOOT!! WHY ARE HIS FEET SO GODDAMN WIDE??

Let's look at a couple other bots to make my point. I'll stick to ones around Bee's size. Wheeljack and Knockout are both 21 feet tall, same as Bee. Knockout has similar wheel placement in his feet and Wheeljack has similar wheel placement in his shoulders.

would you look at that they look fucking n o r m a l. look at their NORMAL KNEES and NORMAL ARMS and NORMAL SIZED FEET THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE CLOWN SHOES HELD ON BY FUCKING STRING

I am having a conniption he is the only one that looks like this.

Would you like some very, very cursed knowledge? Yes, you would: TFP Bumblebee and RID2015 Bumblebee CANONICALLY LOOK IDENTICAL. Like, if you were in the ALC Universe, looking at two photos of him from both the time of TFP and RID15, you would not be able to tell them apart. How do I know this?

LET ME TELL YOU. So, in the episode “History Lessons”, Bumblebee takes his team to the ruins of the Nevada Autobot base, Autobot Outpost Omega One, which we all know was destroyed at the end of TFP Season 2, and they find an old recording from Before the base was destroyed. This recording is of Bumblebee in the base before it was destroyed, and his model is the same as his RID15 one. (see FUCKING above)

You’re probably asking yourself, “But why does that matter, it’s just the show’s different art styles and they needed to make sure we recognized Bee in the recording,” Why? Let me list the ways:

Bumblebee has spontaneously grown fingers in RID15. He only had 4 on each hand in TFP, but in RID15 he Suddenly just had 5. They did the exact same thing with Bulkhead, so I’m not just going crazy.

Bumblebee’s transformation sequence has drastically changed. In TFP he transformed face down head forward, and in RID15 he transforms face up head back. This is significant, and can’t be explained as artistic interpretation, because in TFP season 2 episode 4, Bumblebee drives through a ground bridge after Megatron, transforms then launches himself forward, diving to snatch the spark extractor from Megatron’s hand. You can’t do that if you’re leading with your feet. And It is very obvious that Bee transforms face up in RID15, his feet are the front of the car. I would show you pictures but I am not combing through the shows to find any more images I am so done someone please save me-

"The shows have very different art styles, maybe Bumblebee has just changed how he looks." I hear you say, and Yes. That is something that can happen in canon, Starscream “reformatted himself to his old body type,” which is actually true; his RID15 form looks a lot more like his WF/FOC form, and Soundwave shows up in his TFP form when he’s fresh out of the shadow zone, then he changes his form. We have direct confirmation that characters can change their forms. So there shouldn’t be any problems with Bumblebee’s design, correct?

YOU WOULD THINK, but because the video bee is identical to rid15 bee, but it's supposed to be tfp bee, this makes TFP Bee and RID15 Bee CANONICALLY IDENTICAL. Plus Bee's Rescue Bots Cameos are Identical as well, and one is from TFP time and the other is RID15 time.

The LOGICAL implication is that if TFP Bee and RID15 Bee are identical, then RID15 Bee actually doesn’t have eyelids and does not blink. fucking pains me in places that should not be able to feel pain.

Can you see why I'm insane now?

[justagalwhowrites]

Halcyon - Ch. 21: That's Been a Long Time Comin', Baby

You and Joel have a long overdue conversation. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 20, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Nothing really! Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 4.3k

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“You finally get arrested and it’s by goddamn rent-a-cops,” Tommy was beaming as he and Joel made their way from the police station to his truck. “Only you could make gettin’ in trouble this fuckin’ lame.” 

“It wasn’t a rent-a-cop,” Joel said, grinding his teeth. “It was university police.” 

“That’s a rent-a-cop.” 

“They’re real police!” Joel said. 

Tommy scoffed. 

“Not like you’re gonna have a record now.” 

“Only because they let me go without charging me with shit,” Joel said. “No idea why… Shouldn’t have even called you, wasn’t trying to waste your time.” 

“Not like you knew they were going to just let you go,” Tommy said, serious now. “I was Googling attorneys and shit, I thought I was going to have to bail your ass out for a change. Nice that they didn’t lock you up.” 

“Yeah,” Joel said as they reached Tommy’s truck. They got in and buckled up and Joel sighed, looking out the window. “Just wish I knew why.” 

He was at a loss. The police had hauled him out of your office so fast he didn’t even get a chance to find out what you were thinking, if you had anything at all to say. If he was right about the book, God he hoped he was right about the book. 

He thought - or maybe just hoped - that you’d show up at the police station. They threw him in a holding cell with a few college-aged fuckups and he watched the door, half convinced that you’d come walking in. Like if he just stared at it long enough you’d appear, come inside and walk right up to the bars and grab him and kiss him. Or at least yell at him. 

But you didn’t. 

Instead, he just stood there, watching the door, until a cop came over to take his information and  gave him the chance to call someone. Tommy got there about the same time as the same cop came over to tell Joel that he was free to go, at least for now. 

“So,” Tommy said eventually, drumming his hands on the steering wheel. “You gonna tell me exactly how you got your ass arrested by rent-a-cops?” 

Joel quirked his jaw. 

“Not saying you have to or anything,” Tommy continued. “But if you don’t tell me I will just make up some shit and it’ll be lame. Real lame. Like they caught you with a flask on campus and mistook you for a freshman lame.” 

“I…” Joel sighed. “I might have done something stupid.” 

“Likely thing for you to do,” Tommy said. 

“Fuck off.” 

“Sorry, sorry,” Tommy said. “I’ll lay off but… c’mon, man. This is weird for you. You got me worried, you don’t do shit like this.” 

“I know,” Joel said, wondering if maybe he’d done something like this sooner - like when he saw that fucking guy kissing you years ago - maybe everything would be different now. “I… I read Goldie’s book.” 

“Alright…” Tommy said, glancing his way. “Last time I checked, that ain’t illegal.” 

“It’s not,” Joel said. “But… I’d never read it before and… Look, maybe I’m crazy, maybe it’s all fiction but it don’t feel like fiction and… I think she… she might… she might feel the same way I do.” 

“Oh shit,” Tommy laughed, grinning like an idiot. “Fuck yeah, man!” 

“I went to talk to her,” Joel said. “But she was there with her fucking husband and I overheard one of her students say he hit on her and then I went to her office and he was kissing her and I… I just… I punched him.” 

“Good for you!” Tommy clapped him on the shoulder. “About damn time somebody put that jackass in his place. What’d Goldie say?” 

“Not much,” Joel sighed. “Not like we got a chance to really talk. Said the book was ancient history, asked why I cared… Kept hoping she’d show up at the station but…” 

Tommy pulled up alongside Joel’s truck and he sighed. 

“Least I wasn’t locked up when I needed to get Sarah from school,” he muttered. 

“Don’t matter,” Tommy said. “I’m gonna go get her.” 

“What?” Joel laughed. 

“Not going to let you chicken out on this shit,” Tommy said. “I got Sarah, you go talk to Goldie. Actually talk to her, not yell some shit at her and then punch her husband. You’re finally - fucking finally - doing something about it. You’re finally going after what you want and I’m not going to let you give up because you got arrested by some mall cop on steroids.” 

“Tommy…” 

“I’m serious,” Tommy said. “I’ll get Sarah from school, she can stay with me tonight. Go get your girl, Joel.” 

Joel smiled a little. His brother might have more faith in him than he deserved but goddamn, it felt good. 

“Alright,” Joel said. “I’m gonna go get my girl.” 

He went to call you, just in case you unblocked him, but his phone was broken, the entire outer case bent - probably from when one of the cops wrestled him away from your office. He considered, for a minute, just going back to your office but he didn’t want to get arrested again. 

So he went home, just to grab your book. He wasn’t really sure why but he wanted it. He wanted to hold it in his hands, have something solid and yours there with him while he did this. He took a quick look in the mirror, feeling a little like the boy he was when he went to pick you up for prom. Everything felt so consequential, the way his hair fell against his forehead and the way his shirt hung on his body, anything that might help you look at him like he was something worth wanting suddenly vitally important in his reflection. 

“Right,” he said to no one but himself before taking a deep breath. “Now or never.” 

He drove to your house. He thought about getting flowers or something on the way but what if that was too much? What if this wasn’t what you wanted and something like flowers made it worse? Why didn’t he just know what to do? Loving you felt like the most natural thing in the world, why wasn’t telling you just as easy?

He came to your door with nothing but your book in his hands and he was pretty sure you weren’t home but he knocked, anyway. He paced for a minute when you didn’t answer, then stood there, clenching his jaw and staring out at the road like a dumbass before he decided to just sit down and wait because what the fuck else was he going to do. 

After what felt like forever - but probably wasn’t much time at all - Joel opened the book. 

He wasn’t looking for anything in particular but he found himself lingering on the parts where Cressida and Eli were together and, if not happy, at least hopeful. He was reading a passage where they were all tangled up in each other and while it was sensual, the intimacy of it came from the deep knowing and understanding the two shared. It was a feeling, Joel thought, that could only be found in one person. He’d spent half his life searching for it again and never found it and he wanted it, he wanted it so bad it hurt. 

“When you said you read it, I assumed it was the whole thing, not just the first 50 pages.” 

Joel’s head shot up from the book and found you standing on your walk with your house keys in your hand. 

He jumped up, snapping the book shut when he did. 

“I did,” he said. “I was just… I wanted to read it again. Parts of it again.” 

You nodded slowly and walked up to him, stopping close enough that he could reach out and grab you and kiss you if you’d just let him. 

“I tried calling,” you said. “It went straight to voicemail.” 

“Oh, uh,” Joel passed the book from one hand to the other and pulled his phone out, holding it up as proof. “It broke, probably when I got arrested but… well, since you blocked my number, wasn’t too worried about it.” 

You frowned, eyebrows knitting together. 

“Blocked you? I didn’t block you.” 

“Think you did,” Joel laughed a little. “Believe it or not, turning up at your office wasn’t my first choice but I got a message that said your number was unavailable when I called so…” 

Your frown deepened and you pulled out your phone, scrolling on it for a moment before gaping at the screen. 

“Son of a bitch,” you swore. “That…” You looked at Joel again. “I didn’t block you, I’m guessing Gale did sometime in the last few days…” 

“Where is your husband?” Joel asked, looking over your shoulder. “Not gonna let me get another swing on him is he?” 

You laughed once. 

“He’s at the hospital,” you said. “I don’t think he’ll be showing his face here any time too soon.” 

“Good,” Joel said. “You deserve better than that asshole.” 

You smiled tightly. 

“What are you doing here, Joel.” 

“I…” he searched your face for some indication of what you thought, what you wanted, but even though he knew your face better than any other he couldn’t seem to read you. “I needed to see you, I had to see you, baby, I…” 

You bit your lip and he fought the urge to pull it free of your teeth and run his thumb over you there. 

“Let’s go inside,” you said. “We… we can talk. Just talk. If that’s OK.” 

His heart beat a little faster. He could work with that. 

“Yeah,” he said quickly. “Let’s talk.” 

***

Your heart was pounding, so hard and fast you thought Joel must be able to hear it. 

But if he could, he didn’t say anything. You just let the two of you into your house and tried to force yourself to stay calm, to not let your racing thoughts get too far ahead of yourself. 

You hadn’t expected to find him on your front porch when you got home. You’d called him. You’d called the police station again but he’d left by then. You’d even tried going by his house but no one was home and you had this sinking feeling that you’d blown it, somehow. Not that you even knew what ‘it’ was but it seemed as though the moment in your office was a breaking point you didn’t know existed and it was behind you now and there was nothing you could do to get it back. 

And then Joel was there on your porch, a copy of your book in his hands, one that he was reading so intently he hadn’t even noticed you drive up. 

You hung your bag on a hook and put your keys in the dish by the door and Joel followed behind you, his eyes intent enough on you that you could feel them even at your back. 

“Can I get you a drink or anything?” You asked, more for something to say than anything else because what the fuck were your supposed to say in this situation? 

“Not here for a drink, Goldie.” 

“OK,” you said, turning to face him as you stood in the middle of your living room because sitting down felt too strange. You crossed your arms over your chest to keep from touching him. “Why are you here, Joel?” 

“I read your book,” he said quickly. “And I know it took me long enough but I just couldn’t… I thought it was gonna be about you and that fucking guy but it wasn’t and… Goldie, I need to know if it was about us.” 

Your fingers dug into your arms as you tightened your grip on yourself, your stomach churning. 

“What does it matter if it was?” You asked. “I didn’t need to ask your permission to write about my own life, that’s not how that works and…” 

“No, Jesus,” he cut you off. “I… I don’t care, you can write about whatever you want with me but Goldie, is this how you felt? Back then, when we were kids, was this -” he held up the book “-how you felt?” 

You frowned and looked at the book. It was signed, your signature broad and looping on the dust jacket. 

“Where did you get that?” You asked. “I never signed a copy for you…” 

He lowered the book, looking at the cover for a moment before looking back at you.

“I bought it online,” he said. “Some charity auction thing, years ago. I… I wanted a copy that felt more like it came from you. Stop changing the subject, please, and just… we have to actually fucking talk about this, baby, we can’t keep avoiding it forever because it hurts. Please. It’ll wreck us both.” 

“Yes, OK?” You said, louder and more forcefully than you’d really meant to and you had to take a breath to calm down, closing your eyes because you weren’t sure you could look at him and admit this. “Yes, that… that’s how I felt.” 

“Goldie…” 

“Please don’t make this a thing, Joel,” you said, looking toward your windows because anywhere was better than looking at him. “Please don’t.” 

But he didn’t let you turn away from him. Instead, he closed the small gap between you and took your face firmly in his large hand, his grip on you tight. 

“Goldie,” he said softly. “Look at me.” 

You steeled yourself and obeyed, tears already starting to build and you tried to hold them back as best you could. 

“Do you still feel that way?” He asked quietly. 

“Don’t do this to me, Joel,” you whispered. “Please.” 

“Don’t do what?” He asked, his eyes tracing your face again and again. 

“Don’t ask me to…” you took a deep, shaky breath. “Don’t ask me to be the one to ruin everything. I can’t…” 

“I love you,” he cut you off. “There, now it ain’t you, it’s me.” 

“Joel…” 

“I love you,” he said it again. “I’ll keep saying it, I don’t care. I love you. I loved you then, too, and…” 

You pulled yourself away from him, shaking your head, desperate for some distance. It didn’t make sense, none of this made sense. 

“Don’t do that, don’t lie to me because you feel guilty or whatever,” you said, tears falling now. “I know how you felt, Joel, I heard you. If… if things changed, then… then maybe we can… I don’t know, but don’t lie and tell me that I was anything to you back then, alright? I know it was forever ago now, I know we were kids, but it still hurts, OK? It hurts, it hurts every fucking time I look at you but I just keep living with it because you’re worth it to me and-”

He grabbed you and kissed you then, harsh and rough and forceful and your body bowed to his instinctively, curving and arching into his touch, kissing him back desperately before you remembered what you were doing here and pulled back from him. Your eyes were wide, lips swollen, cheeks wet and Joel was panting for breath, watching you. 

“Don’t do that!” You shook his hands from you and wiped your mouth with the back of your wrist. “Stop trying to distract me, stop treating me like I’m just some girl you fuck, just stop!” 

“That’s not what I’m doin’, baby,” he said. His voice was calm, sure. “Swear I’m not.” 

“Then what were you doing in your kitchen?” You demanded, trying to make yourself calm down and failing. “After Sarah’s party, what were you doing then?” 

Joel looked like he was trying not to smile. 

“What!” You demanded. 

“You love me, too,” he said. 

“Joel.” 

“S’why you’re all worked up,” he said. “I love you and you love me, too. I’ll feel better when you actually say it, but…” 

You shook your head, your heart beating a frantic rhythm against your ribs. 

“You’re being mean,” you said. 

“I’m not trying to be,” he said. “I love you.” 

“Stop saying that.” 

“No,” he said. “I love you.” 

“Then why would you do that?” You cried. “Why did you treat me like I was just… just…” 

“Just what, baby.” 

“Just a warm body!” You said. 

“Baby…” 

“That’s what it felt like!” You kept going, on a tear now. “That’s what it felt like back then when you avoided me and you told your friend how it would have been better if you’d fucked anyone besides me, that’s what it felt like every time you avoided me because you caved to whatever baser instinct you had and touched me a few months ago, that’s what it felt like when you practically fucked me in your kitchen and made it sound like all we were to each other was some way to get off and that might be true for you, Joel, but it was never that way for me! 

“And it’s pathetic! Because when we were kids, I felt so bad for all the girls you’d fuck and leave. I pitied them! I thought they were so desperate and sad and then I turned into one of them! And I… I just…” 

“Just what,” Joel said softly. 

“I just…” your voice broke and your eyes met his. “I can’t be nothing to you, Joel. I can’t.” 

“Oh baby,” he said, so gently. He delicately took your face in his hands and dried your tears, thumbs curving over the arch of your cheekbones. “You’re everything.” 

You rolled your eyes and looked away, scoffing.

“Joel…” 

“You gonna let me talk for a minute?” He asked, brows raised, his hands moving to your shoulders. “Because I think we need to.” 

You sniffed and gritted your teeth for a moment but you nodded, anyway. 

“Well, you’re a lot smarter than me but you’re wrong about a lot,” he said. You opened your mouth to protest but he gave you a look and you closed it again and he smiled a little. “Thank you. Promise I’ll let you yell at me once this is all out, alright?” 

You just sniffled and nodded again. 

“I have loved you since that day on the football field almost 20 goddamn years ago,” he said. Your heart beat faster. “Pretty sure the first time I saw you holdin’ that damn gold notebook of yours I was a goner. I was just… I was young and dumb - still pretty dumb to be honest…” 

“Shut up,” you shoved him lightly. “You’re not dumb.” 

“No, I am,” he said. “Because I let my fear and my insecurity keep me from telling you all of this years ago. You were so smart and talented and driven and even then, I knew you were going to be something. Figured there wasn’t a chance in hell that you’d want someone like me so why would I try. All I’d do was fuck up what we had. But then prom happened and I panicked.” 

“You said anyone would have been better than me,” you said softly, searching his face for some sign that he was sugar coating this in some way. “I heard you…” 

“I know,” he said. “I didn’t know you’d heard me then but I know what I said. Took me a while to remember it after you told me but I did and… Look, I know… I know you think I was sleeping with those girls back in high school but… I wasn’t.” 

You frowned. 

“What?” 

“Prom night…” he sighed, wincing a little as he did. “That… that was my first time, too.” 

You looked at him like you were waiting for a punch line but none came. 

“But…” you shook your head. “You… You dated all those girls then and…” 

“Yeah,” he laughed. “Yeah, I was tryin’ to get my best friend out of my system. Didn’t work so well for me in the end and then all I really had going for me was that you thought I was cool and when you assumed I was sleeping with those girls I just… didn’t tell you you were wrong.” 

“What does that have to do with anything?” You were so close to him you were sure he could hear your heart racing. 

“Well, that meant that I didn’t know anything about sex besides porn and the bullshit they taught us in school,” he said. “So I went to talk to Ricky because I thought he’d actually know how to handle that shit and tell me how to handle it and… I was afraid, baby. I was afraid I got you pregnant, that I ruined your life and that’s why I said it. I didn’t want to fuck things up for you, I didn’t want to trap you with me when you deserved so much better than that. It wasn’t because I didn’t want you and it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. It’s because I loved you so goddamn much that I freaked out at just the thought of fucking your life up.” 

“Joel,” you whispered, your heart racing. 

“I never thought you’d just leave like that,” he said. “I thought… I thought I’d be able to talk to you, once I had a plan, once I knew I could make it all OK, once I stopped freaking the fuck out, I thought we could talk and figure it out.”

You just stared at him, open mouthed, for a moment. 

“I…” you managed eventually. “I didn’t…” 

“I know,” he said softly, gently. 

“I thought you didn’t care about me,” you said, almost choking on the knot in your throat. “I… I thought you saw me as some stupid, geeky girl who you just… I don’t know, got stuck with one day and I couldn’t… I couldn’t face that so I left, I went to school early and…” 

“I know,” he said again before he laughed once, darkly. “I know. I… I went to find you.” 

“What?” You asked. 

“Back then,” he said. “Eventually wore Anna down, she told me where you went and… well… I went to find you. Talk to you. Didn’t think you’d just pick up if I called your new number, figured you couldn’t ignore me if I showed up.” 

“But,” you frowned. “I’d remember you coming to Brown…” 

“I’m sure you would,” he nodded. “But you never saw me. I saw you, though. You were with him. I couldn’t take that, either, so I left.” 

“Oh my God,” you whispered, your eyes searching his, so open and honest. “You loved me.” 

He smiled a little, one of his crooked smiles, just enough to make his cheek dimple. 

“Yeah,” he said. “I loved you with your weirdly good breakfast sandwiches and too much cream in your coffee and your smart-ass movie commentary and your obsession with dippin’ French fries in Blizzards - which is still an abomination, by the way.” 

You laughed wetly. 

“Joel,” your hands found his waist, fingers tightening in his shirt. 

“Never stopped loving you, baby,” he said, taking your face gently in his hand. “Not since the day I met you, not for one second. Figured I was kind of a lost cause in that department, after a while. Thought I’d have to settle for whatever little piece of you you’d give me but now… well, now I’m hopin’ that book means you feel the same way.” 

You couldn’t seem to find your voice so you just nodded, fast and sure and he laughed, sounding almost giddy, before he smiled, big and broad and all encompassing, like you’d just given him the world. 

“Think I can try somethin’ I’ve been wanting to do for about 20 damn years?” He asked. You just nodded, still speechless, and Joel stepped closer to you, closing what little gap there was between your bodies. The hand not against your cheek went to the small of your back and he cradled you to him, his eyes searching yours, his nose brushing your own. You could feel every line of his body against your own and your breath hitched, his gaze locked on yours until the last second, your eyes closing just as your lips met. 

You’d kissed Joel plenty before, more times than you could possibly count, but it had never been like this. Every other time your lips had touched his, it had been with some pretense attached - because he was rescuing you from your shitty husband or to make you feel better about being alone on New Year’s or as the build up toward some physical release. You’d never gotten to kiss him because you loved him, you’d never gotten to kiss him because he loved you. 

It was slow, gentle, patient, like you had all the time in the world instead carrying the undertones of something illicit. He was soft and warm, his hands against you like you were a delicate, precious thing. Your lips moved with his, your mouth opening along with his, just enough that you could taste him, breathe him, feel some part of him settle inside of you with a grounding certainty. He loved you. Joel loved you. 

Your arms looped around behind him, holding him close but not too tight - you knew he wasn’t going anywhere, not this time - and you kissed him the way you always wanted to kiss the love of your life. 

Eventually, breathlessly, you pulled away from each other, just enough to look into each other’s eyes again before you both laughed a little, bodies still pressed close. 

“That’s been a long time comin’ baby,” he said.

“Yeah,” you said softly. “It really has.” 

“Think I can take you to bed?” He asked. “Think we have some lost time to make up for.” 

You just smiled and laced your fingers with his before leading your best friend to your room. 

Next Chapter

A/N: I sincerely hope the end of this chapter wasn't a let down! I'd originally intended for them to sleep together in the same chapter as the confession but SO MUCH got laid on the table here it felt like adding their first time having honest, loving sex would be too much all at once, you know? But that is coming up next, I promise.

Special shout out to @dancingtotuyo, @dundienominee and @mysticnightmarewrites for helping me figure out how to close this chapter.

Hopefully, this conversation was at least somewhat worth the wait! Thank you for still being here, a small eternity after I started writing this story. I really do love you all so much!

Taglist: @kaseyconnour

[awrkive]

OOOOH this event sounds so fun, could I have angst #21 (the bl*od one) with JK please? Low-key I’m thinking of like a royal vibe where like they’re both royals but enemies but it’s up to you Dee whatever you write I will gladly eat up 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

callofthegreen asked: Angst+21+ Jungkook (I'm a sucker for angst, and you always make it hurt so good, love you 💗)

21. "Is that... blood? Please tell me it isn't blood."

note: you said royals and i immediately thought... fantasy 🤓🤓 man idk the setting is very much inspired by mlbb universe 😭 this is kinda erm but hope you both enjoy i tried my best! 😭

wc: 1.8k (boo i know sorry)

You try to conceal the uncomfortable gnawing at your thigh – but the trek to the steep of the mountain was getting too much to bear, and every passing second is starting to feel like suicide. 

Subtly looking to the side, you observe Jungkook stands just fine. He has cuts all over his face from the attack of the common creeps back at the jungle, but he generally looks okay overall. Meanwhile, you still haven’t told him a horned lizard got you good and sliced quite deeply at your thigh when you made the mistake of kicking at the wrong time. 

It hurts like hell. Jungkook has been offering to stop by at few spots whenever he hears you inhale a sharp breath, probably assuming your discomfort about the length of the walk, but you couldn’t have it in you for him to think that you aren’t built for this. 

He’s spent the entirety of your childhood mocking you for your poor archery skills, laughing with his older cousins about how you couldn’t even pick up a sword the right way. He bitched and moaned about his status to be prince – completely wanting to be a warrior instead, and as a result insulted you for acquiescing to your royal responsibility of being princess. 

You hate him for many things. Hate him for how he affected you all those years, hate him for making you cry on the night of your 13th birthday, hate him for the fact that your father liked him more than you, and hate how he goes through life like it’s his stage and he’s the main character who never dies. 

Right now, Jungkook isn’t like the scrawny kid who used to pick on you for a hobby, second to perfecting his sports – he’s now a twenty-seven-year-old responsible king who had strategically led the movement of winning the impending war. 

But that doesn’t magically erase all the animosity you have towards him. 

You hate that you’re betrothed to him, hate that you knew that even before your father and your mother broke the news to you at the ripe age of 18. Hate that both your kingdoms are to form an alliance to battle the current rise of rebellion from the west. But after you lost your parents from the war that transpired two years ago, it had to be done. 

Jungkook may not be the same old guy who made half your life miserable – but you know that underneath his composure and the respectable manner in which he presents himself with now is nothing but a mere facade. 

Frankly, you do not trust him. You do not trust his plans. You do not support the war and everything that he and his council stands for. 

You don't want to be by his side when you're proven right.

And the last thing you'd want to be in front of Jungkook is weak. 

But a goddamn rock had made you trip on your own way, and you couldn’t help the shriek that escapes your mouth when you drop on the ground. 

“Fuck–” you pull your wounded thigh up, automatically wrapping your hand around the area and squeezing to manage the throbbing pain. “Shit.” You hiss when you see red your trousers, panicking internally. 

“What the hell– is that blood?” Jungkook drops his bladric on the ground and immediately goes to you, eyes widening at the sight of your thigh. “Please tell me it isn’t blood.” 

“Don’t touch me!” You say when Jungkook hovers over your thigh. He recoils, and you know he didn't expect that much hostility – given that you’ve been quiet for the entirety of the trek, and even though you haven’t exactly been welcoming to him for the past month of the expedition you both coincidentally sneaked yourselves into, you’ve been civil. 

Jungkook pulls back, one knee bent on the layer of dirt on the ground, hands surrendering up as if to reassure you he wasn’t going to do something you wouldn’t like. 

You swallow the lump in your throat. “I’m fine.” 

“You’re not.” Jungkook retorts, eyes trailing to the growing spot of blood on the fabric of your trousers. It’s getting more painful by the second –  and you want nothing but to scream about how it fucking stings. “Jesus christ, __, just let me help. That’s a damn big wound you’ve got there.” 

“I’m fine–” you insist, but it’s broken by a sharp intake of breath as another twinge comes up. you wince. “I just need– I just need some fabric. Tie it around the wound.” You manage to say, distressed. Both physically and emotionally. 

“We need to– I need to clean you up,” Jungkook says and maybe it’s your eyes playing jedi games on you but for once, he actually looks genuine to you. As if he actually cares. 

You scoff. “I can do that myself.” 

You don’t expect the way Jungkook snaps. 

“For once, can you stop being stubborn? You can barely breathe properly, __. You can say and think what you want and hate me again after this but just let me take care of you this one time. I’m going to clean your wound and make sure you’re not gonna bleed yourself to death by the time we arrive at the port.” Jungkook looks into your eyes and they feel almost… earnest. Like he wants you to really listen to him. He closes and opens his mouth as if wanting to say something. You wait for it, then for a few seconds it doesn’t come, until... “I’m not out to get you, __.” 

I’m not out to get you. It’s a simple sentence with a simple message. One that you should understand right away. 

But you don't.

You avoid his eyes when you only say, “I don’t trust you.” 

What you don’t expect is his quick answer.

“I know.” 

He crosses the distance between you once again, and you watch as he hesitantly hovers his hand over your thigh again. He looks for your face, silent – but his eyes scream for permission. You don’t give it verbally; too tired to speak, too consumed by the pain in your leg to voice out any more complaints lodged in your throat. 

When Jungkook initially places his hand on your leg, you don’t flinch. And it’s a surprise. Surprise because you expected his touch to burn you like how Icarus did when he flew too close to the sun, but instead it felt like winter night. Cold, but strangely warm. 

When you don’t say anything, he halts.

“Can I?” He asks. Leveled. Waiting. Always waiting. Almost gentle…

You purse your lips when you nod your head. 

Jungkook brings forward his satchel where he takes out a small knife, and there’s nothing but the gentle breeze of the wind and songs of the birds surrounding you at this part of the mountain when Jungkook begins cutting throught the fabric of your pants, effectively revealing the – admittedly – ghastly cut on your bare thigh. 

“Jesus,” Jungkook looks at you, eyebrows creased. “When did you get this? It can’t be from the fall.” 

“I–” you clear your throat and look away, ashamed to be admitting this now. “The horned lizard got me back at jungle.”

Jungkook looks like he wanted to say something but for god knows what, he keeps it to himself.

You watch quietly as he takes out a flask, twisting open the cap and looks at you before pouring over the water on the wound. 

When you hiss in pain, Jungkook immediately stops. 

“Are–” 

“I’m fine– it’s okay,” you assure him, biting your lip, glancing down at your wound. It would be hard to walk further carrying this with you. 

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook says. You assume it’s for his previous action, but you don’t exactly know how that guaranteed an apology.

You ignore it and he continues tending to the wound, relieved that he’s got some clean scraps of fabric in his bag – a quick aid kit, perhaps – to tap your wound with, and when he asks you to leverage his shoulder for a little bit so he can lift your thigh up a little in order to wrap the fabric around your thigh, your breath hitch at the proximity. 

Even though you and Jungkook are bethroted, you never really shared any moments where you’re required to be as close like this. The banquets are public appearances that only needed you and him to sit beside each other and smile and laugh at the visitors so they think you’re a good pair, but once the doors are closed, one becomes a stranger to another. 

But this… this feels different. It’s… intimate, in a way. 

When you said that his touch didn’t burn, it felt a little more different when you feel his skin touch yours. There’s a little spark to it – fleeting, quick. And you swear he lingers for longer than necessary when he finishes tending to the wound. 

It makes you confused.

“I wish you told me sooner.” Is what Jungkook says when he lets go. 

You pull your hand away from his shoulder. “I didn’t want us to lag behind.” 

“I wouldn’t have mind.” Jungkook says. It’s spoken with so much sincerity that it suddenly triggers a lot of underlying pain – and not just because there’s a big wound on your thigh that’s feeling a little better now – but because Jungkook is acting so different with you. “I’ll try to hunt us something to eat. We’ll stay here for a while so you can rest. Your wound’s pretty fucking big and I’m sure it’s gonne be swollen in a few minutes. Let’s just dry it out for awhile so I can apply the gel all over it, and then we can–” 

“Jungkook,” you cut him off. “Can you stop?” 

He looks at you, rightfully confused. 

You feel mad. Mad at the horned lizard for cutting you. Mad at yourself for letting yourself get cut. Mad at Jungkoook. Mad that he’s being nice. Mad at the situation. Mad at the war. And mad that all of this doesn’t make sense to you. 

“Stop trying to act like you care," You purse your lips and stare into his eyes when you add, “I don’t trust you. Right now I’m putting my guards down and maybe you feel nice enough to not obliterate it but this doesn’t mean you suddenly get to act like you’ve always cared about me. You never did, and I doubt you ever will.” 

Jungkook looks at you. His dark brown orbs have always held something in them – the stars, looks like it, but the stars were beautiful and you didn’t like associating him with beautiful things. 

“You don’t know everything.” Jungkook says, looking away just as he says that. You thought there was more… or maybe you thought there was more so you could retaliate with something – just something – but no words come after it. 

You find yourselves staring blankly ahead at the landscape of nothing but the vast blue skies. 

[whohasthecards]

Hangman meets this Nick-Goose guy at the bar (not a joke)

Jake rested his chin on his cue stick as he stared curiously at the pair at the bar.

The famous Admiral Beau “Cyclone” Simpson and some skinny blonde guy were hanging around. He never knew that the Admiral could smile. Sure, the guy was fair and respected all around the base, but he was stoic. He shrugged and went back to his game. 

By the time he sunk the 8-ball in, he looked up and the Admiral was gone. He handed the cue stick  to the next guy about to play and went up to the bar, knocking on the counter.

“Ma’am, a cold beer, please,” He said flashing Penny a smile, she rolled his eyes and handed him his drink.

“Stop calling me, ma’am, I’m not your commanding officer, Lieutenant,” Penny grouched before smiling.

“Aye aye, Captain,” Jake said flashing a wink and Penny rolled her eyes in response.

“Damn, Pen, not checking IDs, you’re getting sloppy or soft,” The mystery man said and Jake turned to get a better look at him.

He blinked before realizing that Roo-Roo Bradshaw was somewhere in the Pacific Ocean and a good 30 years younger than the man.

“Shut up, Nick, he’s a grown aviator,” Penny sniped back, hitting the man with a towel as he batted it away.

“Damn straight,” Jake said, taking a sip of his beer.

“Ahhh, so you are getting soft, you’ve always been soft around aviators,” Nick said, giving Jake a wink.

Penny blushed and gave Nick another hit with a towel before another customer called her away.

“Piss her off enough and you’ll get thrown overboard, even if I gotta do it alone,” Hangman said, flashing Nick a sharp grin.

Nick gave a low whistle, “Damn, son, no wonder she’s soft on ya, you probably remind her of me and the boys back in the day.”

Jake frowned at that.

“Nevermind that, I’m Nick or Goose, choose what you want,” Nick, Goose, said, reaching out his hand to shake.

“Jake,” He replied, shaking his hand, looking the guy up and down, seeing the grey on his temples. “You used to be an aviator?”

“Old men, can’t be on active duty?”

“The Navy would be too busy worrying about paying for your back pain.”

Goose honked out a laugh that made his callsign make sense.

“I was a backseater, RIO, then after I left I became a civilian flight instructor,” Goose said. “Single-seater?”

“Yep,” Jake said, finally deciding to sit down beside the older man. “Lucky guess?”

It was Jake’s turn to be scrutinized as he was looked up and down, “Nah, I just know the type, do you prefer Jake or Hangman?”

Jake’s lip twitched down before he settled on a blank mask. He used to have no shame regarding his callsign, so who gives a shit if he misspelled a couple words here and there. Until.

“All you do is leave good men hanging! Goddamn executioner of your own squad!”

“Hangman! Smoke in the ai-”

“Lieutenant Jacob “Hangman” Seresin, you did everything you could, dismissed.”

He took a deep breath that was more shaky than he’ll ever admit, “Jake’s good,” he said, flashing a smirk as he took another sip of his drink.

The older man’s eyes softened and he gave Jake a small smile.

“How about you?” Jake asked, realizing it was polite to reciprocate the question.

“Eh, either is fine, they’re both the same to me,” Nick said, shrugging. 

“Doesn’t Goose remind you of the thrill of being in a jet?” Jake asked, swirling his beer bottle around. 

“Nah, reminds me more of hanging around the boys,” Nick replied. “Still see them, but it ain’t the same as it used to be. Plus, I think I’ve had enough excitement for this life,” Nick said chuckling, leaning back and both men wincing as they heard his spine crack.

“You’re showing your age, old man,” Jake muttered, looking at him worriedly, wondering if he was about to keel over. “You hangin’ in there, gramps?”

Nick chuckled, “Not that old, brat, I have a son your age. He’s 27.”

“How old do you think I am?” 

“Hmmm, 21?”

Jake squawked in offense, “You’re actin’ like this my second time drinkin’ or somethin’!”

Nick raised a brow at him, “Is it not?”

Jake glared at him and all Goose saw was the same pout on his son’s face when he withheld the cookies from him.

“ ‘M 23,” Jake muttered.

“See? Not that far off, no need to get your feathers all ruffled, birdy,” Nick said, honking out a laugh.

Jake grumbled, but Goose could see the smile behind the sip of the beer bottle.

—

“Mav, did the Navy bio-engineer you and Ice’s DNA to create a son we don’t know about?” 

Mav paused, looking at his phone to check if this was Goose he was talking to. “Not that I know off,” he said slowly. “Why?”

“Kid, tall, blond hair, green eyes, naval aviator, technical flying style with some of your style, has your social skills too,” Goose added the last part thoughtfully. 

“Is that a compliment to the kid or an insult?”

“....Anyways, you made sure you don’t have some kid we don’t know about, right? Because if you gave me a nephew and didn’t make me his godfather I will ground you, no jets for a month.”

“Let me check with Ice.”

—

“Hello my sweet-precious-baby-mini-me,” Goose crowed to the phone as his son groaned on the other line.

“Dad, I am taller and bigger than you.”

“You still get your good looks from me, honey, how’s the deployment going?”

“The other pilots are shitheads, the amount of ego here is astounding.”

“Naval aviators,” Goose said, shrugging before realizing his son can’t see that. “There’s never a shortage of ego, say these pilots are younger than you?”

“Some of them are, some of them are older,” Bradley said slowly, wondering where this conversation was going.

“Good, you’ll have enough practice then.”

“Practice!? Practice for what!? Dad?”

“All good things come to those who wait, Brad-Brad.”

—

Hey gramps, I’m being’ deployed to Top Gun, Hard Deck?

Sure, Jakey

—

Gramps flew with pops? Goose and Maverick ejected. Goose got an honorable discharge. Holy shit.

Bradshaw was Nick’s son?

Is that why he was angry?

—

Hangman was face to face with Bradshaw, anger coursing through his veins. Doesn’t he understand? If they couldn’t fly like Maverick, they would all end up dead. Dead. 

Is he angry because of hop 31? Pissed on behalf of his Dad? But, Nick wasn’t angry at Pete, right?

You can find out.

“Come on, take a walk with me, son.”

No. Nick doesn’t deserve that.

“You have a family Bradshaw,” Jake said slowly, watching as Bradshaw’s hackles raised up even higher.

“Yeah, kid is simultaneously too hesitant and reckless at the same time, and I thought my wingman is the reason I’m gray…”

“You’re almost 60 gramps, that’s the reason why you’re gray.”

“Don’t let them lose you because you can’t think straight. Feelings ain’t matter here, not if you want to live,” Jake gritted out, shoulder checking the other man as he left the room.

—

They’re alive.

He saved them.

Thank fucking god because in all the hours he spent on stand-by in his jet, he still didn’t know what the fuck to say to Nick if he came back, but his brother and son didn’t.

A selfish part of him wondered if Nick would still care if they both died.

Probably not. Thank god he wasn’t a complete fuck up.

—

The celebration died down and he was walking back from his long-ass debrief. Getting reamed for launching without orders.

He felt his phone ping with a text.

Come over for dinner when you’re onshore.

Jake gave a small smile at that as he sent back a reply.

—

“Hangman! Hangman! Lieutenant Seresin! Jake!” 

It was the inverted version of Mav calling out for Rooster during that first day in the tarmac. Except Jake was already turning around once Mav said Lieutenant.

“Jesus, Mav, calm down, I hear ya, I ain’t goin’ anywhere yet, pops,” Jake said, raising his hands up as he flicked his toothpick to the side of his mouth. “Don’t stretch your legs too far tryin’ to keep up with me,'' Jake said, smirking.

Mav rolled his eyes upwards as he put his hands on his hips, as if asking god for patience. Heh. 

“I wasn’t able to talk to you one-on-one after the mission, kid, how are you?” Mav said, eyes softening as he looked at Jake up and down.

Jake felt self-conscious, as he straightened up instinctively, which was dumb because surely Mav wouldn’t notice that he was eating less. That he felt more tired each day. That he doesn’t know what kind of man he is.

“I’m fine, Mav, just thinking,” is all Jake could say.

“Don’t think too hard, kid, you might hurt yourself,” Mav said, giving Jake a smile, but there’s a glint in his eye that told him he meant it.

Mav’s an ace.

“Do you think about it, often?” Jake blurted out.

Mav furrowed his brow, “Think about what?”

Killing people.

No, not now.

“Nothing, nothing, sorry, pops, long day, just thinkin’ about how much the big bosses lectures on and on and on,” Hangman said, cringing at the babbling he just did.

Mav frowned, looking unconvinced, but gave a grin when command’s lectures were brought up, “I just learned to tune it out and forget. After you hear the first one, it all sounds the same, anyways.”

Jake barked a laugh at that, “You’re a menace, Mav.”

Mav grinned at Jake’s laugh, shoulders relaxing as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

“Anyways, I’m here to ask if you’re free tonight? My family and I are having dinner together and I want you to join in,” Mav said. “Some of the other Daggers will be there.”

He felt a pang of regret when he realized he’d have to decline, and it must have shown on his face, when Mav gave an understanding smile.

“Have plans, already, huh?”

“Yeah, a,” grandpa, family, mentor, father-figure-, “friend invited me for dinner, I haven’t seen him in a while, and yeah. I wanna hang out with ya pops and the squad, cross my heart, it’s just that I already got plans, and-”

Mav cut him off with a chuckle, “I get it, kid, don’t work yourself up, there will always be next time. Just promise me I won’t have to bail you out of jail tonight and you have fun.”

Jail with Nick? What a joke.

“Aye, Aye, Captain!” Jake said, giving Mav a salute, smirking as Mav shooed him away.

“Yeah, yeah, go on, brat, don’t cause trouble, you hear me!?”

“As if you can talk.”

—

Jake took a deep breath as he turned off the ignition of his truck, grabbing the beers he brought. He ain���t gonna come to a dinner empty handed, and Nick was more of a beer guy, rather than a wine guy.

He went up to the door and knocked.

“Hangman?”

“Mav?” Jake said, blinking his eyes in shock.

“Jakey! You made it, kiddo,” Nick greeted warmly, gently pushing Mav away to envelop Jake in a tight hug. Jake closed his eyes and leaned in, burying his eyes on the older man’s shoulder, trying to reciprocate the hug despite his hands being full.

“Here, let me take that from you, buddy, and you two can catch up for a little bit,” Mav said when Jake pulled away from the hug, taking the beer from his hands.

“It’s okay, pops–”

“How come Mav gets pops, but you call me gramps?” Nick said, pouting as he slung an arm around Jake’s shoulder.

“Because,” Jake said dumbly, still a bit shock at seeing Mav.

“Ahh forgot to tell ya I invited my former wingman, Mav and of course you’ve heard of my son, Brad-Brad,” Nick said leading Jake to the kitchen. “Some other guys will be coming, later, some of them are part of Mav’s squad.”

“We’re well-acquainted Goose, heck, the kid even told me he couldn’t come to hangout with us because he had plans with a friend,” Mav said grinning at the two of them.

“Awwww, so you do see me as a friend, huh, Jakey?” Goose cooed, ruffling Jake’s hair as Jake pushed him away.

“I didn’t know you were invitin’ me to the thing I was already invited to!” Jake protested, blushing.

“Hey Dad, where’s the— holy shit, Hangman, you came?” Bradshaw Jr. said, walking into the kitchen. “Mav said you said no, did something happen?” Rooster asked, furrowing his brow.

Jake finally had a side by side view of the two Bradshaw’s. Definitely related. Should have figured that out years ago. 

“Ohhh good that you’re here Brad, here’s the baby brother I promised you years ago,” Nick said, steering Jake by the shoulders to push him towards Bradley. “You’ll love him, play nice, okay?”

“That is a pain in my ass, grown-ass man,” Bradley said, blinking slowly as if he couldn’t understand what was happening. “How the hell did you two even meet?”

“Oh, I found him in a bar acting like a mixture of Mav and Ice and I just gotta keep him,” Nick said casually.

“Baby brother-?”

“Congratulations, you’re adopted, kid,” Mav said, taking a sip of his beer. “Wait til Ice sees you.”

“Ice?”

“Iceman,” Nick said. “Tom-Tom, Tommy, Tomcat, you will probably be calling him gramps.”

“I am not calling the COMPACFLT, gramps,” Jake said, jaw-dropping.

“No, you will be calling my brother, gramps, Jakey, plus they already expect it, they have heard many stories about you.”

“You talk about me to the Iceman!?” Jake said, his pitch rising an octave.

“And me, and everyone else, I was wondering why I haven’t heard about this aviator kid Goose here was talking about, started thinking he adopted an air force kid or something,” Mav said grinning. “He only really called you Jakey.”

“Or Jake-Jake, Jay, Baby J –” Bradley started, smirking at a flushing Jake.

“THAT’s enough,” Jake said, pushing at Bradley to cut him off, but Bradley just laughed.

“Boys enough. Bradley, stop teasing your brother. Jakey, no pushing,” Goose said wagging a finger at them.

“Yeah, yeah, dad,” Bradley said, rolling his eyes.

“Also, we need to make a custody contract, Goose, I want partial custody of these two,” Mav said looking way too serious as he pulled out a pen and a piece of paper.

“We need to wait for the other boys to show up first, I have a feeling Cyclone or Iceman would be calling dibs,” Goose said grinning.

“What?” Jake said, confused.

“It means, you’re stuck with us now, Jake-Jake,” Bradley said, ruffling the blond’s hair.

—

“You named your kid, Bradley Bradshaw?”

“I wanted a little Brad-Brad.”

[judasgot-it]

literally I’ve been checking your profile every day cause I really love your work :c hope you’re doing alright ^^

could i request headcanons of make out sessions with tecchou?

i haven't done headcannons in a while, also I got this ask almost a year ago but if you're still checking this account I am somehow still alive! The Tecchou brainrot is still going strong amen

Headcannons: How he kisses you + when its sloppy style (slight nsfw warning)

Tecchou's kisses are between the best thing either or a nuisance - he has impeccable timing though, that's for sure.

Kisses you while you have your hands full, or kisses you while you are absolutely disgusting - he doesn't care sometimes, he just wants a smooch

Once he kissed you while you were covered head to toe in dirt and grime from a mission. Full on open mouth kissed you despite how much you needed a shower. He really just doesn't care sometimes

Will always try to greet you with a small kiss on the cheek or a peck on the lips.

Please kiss him back it has him weak in the knees.

Pulling him in by his belt is one of his favorite things

Usually has a hand on you somewhere whenever he kisses you

It's casual, but he has a tendency to let it wander whenever he thinks you're both alone

Definitely is shoving it up your shirt or is grabbing your ass - if you're alone can you really blame him?

If there's a big height difference he's def guiding you around, cause dude does not want to end up with neck and back pain

Will straight up hold you in his arms so he doesn't have to bend over; if he's kissing you longer than 10 seconds, he's just holding you

Manhandles you a little bit. He's a gentleman but like dude is strong as hell, he probably does it without thinking

Has caused you a few minor bruises because of this. He is deeply apologetic each time

Somehow always loses his shirt(?)

Sticks between being conservative and sloppy with his kisses, really depends

When he's really in the mood, man has no problem trying to shove his tongue down your throat

He will make you taste what he had to eat that day, even if it means holding you down on his desk and making you lick it off of him

Every day it's something different, it's fun to guess at this point

I think he's the sloppy kind of guy, like afterward you'll feel like you were drooled on

Pray he didn't eat anything spicy cause he probably is leaving that taste everywhere...

Isn't the noisy type of guy, although I think he asks a lot of questions - he wants to know if you're okay and he can't really read your mind

Puts you two in some weird ass yoga positions - Tecchou is the nerd who's into couples yoga but like in an extreme way

Like you're making out in a hallway and bro is doing the splits for no goddamn reason

Bro will be the guy to do pushups on top of his partner willingly because he needs to get that workout in throughout his day

once you told him to say your name during them, and he didn't realize until push-up 21 why your face was so red

might have been the only time he stuttered in front of you

kisses between each pushup, does not break his streak, however - he needs to get his workout done so you're going to have to deal with it

Quality time (i guess?)

Either completely silent or says some corny shit like 'I love you' and compliments you. No in-between with him

Idk how good these are, sex is literally the funniest thing to me like i cannot take that shit seriously

[brujahinaskirt]

look i love john marston once and true i really do but listen if i were ms. abigail roberts

i would have shacked up with arthur so fucking fast after john ditched me his lil possum-man head would have been spinning on his neck way out in whatever hole he was hiding from the smoking ashes of my broken heart in. "stand by your man?" "give him space?" "take a chance that love exists?" no. i would not. i would have simply turned around and brought The Big Hoss to stable with EXTREME marston-negative malice. i know i know, arthur is sooo loyal he wouldn't leave dutch but yes he fucking would. we are not talking about some copypasta y/n buckle bunny here with no distinguishing features. this is ABIGAIL FUCKING ROBERTS. are you telling me if abigail "The Best Person Alive" (Arthur Morgan, "Abigail You're the Best" speech, 1899) roberts walked up to this babytalking Fatherhood And Other Dreams-addicted wifeless Wifeguy with a cooing toddler stuck under her arm and said "arthur you're jack's daddy now. arthur he's soooo small arthur. he's the size of a single grapefruit. arthur we have to protect your microscopic pea-sized incredibly tiny son" he would not have said Yes Maam and split that camp like the ass crack in a pair of Forever 21 jeans. i'm sorry to this woman but if i were Miss Thang the Van der Linde Princess Herself I would never have waited on a man (J*HN M*RSTON) to come crawling back to me. wait for what?????? i would have waltzed up to that sad sagging open concept tent, outstretched my gleaming ex girlfriend eagle talon and snatched mr I'm-a-Lonesome-Cowboy by his barely concealed raging domesticity stiffy and we would have blown that fucking outfit in two shakes and a holler. i would have ZOOMED onto that orhter-mahrrgahn-shaped gravy train at such fucking velocity you would not believe it. dump ME like a rusted can of peaches. oh no no no. could NOT be me. me and MY peaches would have been out of that whole marston sitchuation and making nice with big brother on a little homestead somewhere at mach 1 (one vindictive bitch) speed. leave me with a fucking baby sleeping on the grass. kiss my outlaw ass. not if I'M ABIGAIL FUCKING ROBERTS. john would have come stumbling back a year later dragging his jaw behind him like "huh??? wuut??? MY BABYCAKE IS WHERE??? WITH WHO" and the revelation that the bad bitch he tossed out with his toenail clippings was now eating bon bons or whatever on his brother's knee in callyfornya would car compact john's world into the size of a soup can. but i wouldn't bat one pretty eyelash about it because i would be spending my enormous devoted husband's train robbing funds on exotic fruits and fancy $15 token mugs and other dumb shit. john fucking god damned linguini legs marston. break my goddamn heart?? bet. arthur knows how abigail takes her coffee. jack would not even know who tf john marston is.

[777rare]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS PT.5👑

special for ma @1994l love u queen👑❤ thankyou for ur unconditional love and support.😘

disclaimer:

DO NOT READ FURTHUR IF YOU ARE A MINOR!! THIS CONTAINS MENTIONING OF seggs so please scroll if ur below 18+

THESE NOTES ARE ONLY A STUDY OF MINE AND HAS/HAS NOT BEEN PROVEN YET, SO IF IT DOES NOT RESONATE WITH YOU, FORGIVE ME AS IT WAS ONLY A STUDY/OBSERVATION OF MINE.

I DO NOT PLAGIARIZE, COPY OR REWORD ANY OF MY FELLOW ASTROLOGY OBSERVERS POSTS AND I DEMAND THE SAME IN RETURN

Heyooo, I'm back❤🫂 les goo

Native having sun,moon,AC,MC in virgo/ in 6°/6th house are most likely to have OCD or become perfectionists. It stings them to see something unassembled or informal. Let it be order, colour, shape, etc. These pics gon satisfy them so much⬇️❤

If earth signs were a clothing, it would be cardigan.🤎

Natives with earth ascendant or venus in earth signs/houses tend to look really good in earthy colours, esp.brown shades. Like these⬇️❤

Mercury in pisces/12th house have very sensitive skin🪶☁️☘

(2102)Tantalus-Mars(esp.Square or conjunct) attracts a lot of agressive, harsh, intimidating people. In a ladies chart, the native can feel attracted to men with manly features or someone harsh, hot and goddamn sexc🥵🔥💦

(5011)Ptah-pluto(esp. Conjunct) natives have so much intense beauty. They are so sexc, hot, intense, mesmerizing, ugh..too much🥵🔥

(47) aglaja-black moon lilith(esp. Conjunction,square) natives make such dark intense beauty in people. Such raw sexc energy, intimidating energy is plenty in these natives, goshh🔥💓

Aglaja in libra/libra degree(7°,19°) have a touch of grace and softness in their beauty💅🏻👑

(6593) Destinn mostly in harsh aspects to chiron, natives are destined to go through hell lot of roller coasters in their life and heal themselves.💥🥀

(149)Medusa aspecting the ascendant natives usually have nice curly wavy combined hair, or even thick hair💁‍♀️

(H58)Waldemath lilith being in aquarius sign. These natives are very distant, cold, isolating and cut ties with whomever they know even if it's close friends when they are at their lowest🥀

(92891)Bless in 2° or in taurus natives are blessed with wealth and luxury in this life.👑💅🏻☀️

Bless in libra or in libra degree(7°,19°) natives could probably marry someone rich.🫂❤

Check the sign that Bless is in. The ruler of that sign has blessed and protected you in this lifetime. Check the house house is in to see where That planet will give you the best of benefits and opportunities in this life. If it is saturn then you'll first be put into a lot of tests and struggle in your early years(birth-30) and then reap the benefits out of it. If it is pluto it's first hell lot of transformations and turbulence in your life and then the benefits start appearing in your life.

To Check the rulers of signs:⬇️

ARIES-MARS

TAURUS, LIBRA- VENUS

GEMINI,VIRGO-MERCURY

CANCER-MOON

LEO-SUN

SCORPIO-PLUTO

SAGITTARIUS-JUPITER

CAPRICORN-SATURN

AQUARIUS-URANUS

PISCES-NEPTUNE

(6583)Destinn conjunct pluto makes a native destined to face hell lot of transformations and turbulence in their life till they are strong. These natives are destined to have so much intense,dark power, lots n lots of intense,strong,unbreakable power after all the struggle in this lifetime🔥💥👑

Mercury in sagittarius degree(9°,21°) or in sagittarius are amazing jokers. They can make anybody, i mean anybody, laugh. They can make a joke out of anything🤠👑

Lilith in 6th house/virgo have very self destructive habits🥀😞

sorry if it's short but i really hope you guys enjoyed!!💓👑 Feel free to reblog and tag me when you do,have a great day ahead!❤🙌🏻

[wowsosad]

I love your stuff so far!!! Care to share any thoughts on maybe,, 17ish sam still being a virgin and Dean teasing him abt it? :33333

Hi nonnie :) I took some liberties with this, and it’s mostly unserious and silly. Lmk if you want something smutty next time !

CW/TW: Sam is 17 and Dean is 21, bisexual Sam, sexual conversation, coming out

.

Sam’s done stuff, okay? Not a crazy amount, but he’s had a couple girlfriends, some guyfriends (not boyfriends, there’s a key difference) that he’s fooled around with. But actual sex? Not yet. Dean clocks him on that the summer after his 17th birthday, when John’s dropped them off at some random apartment in western Montana. He’s helping a buddy—a Mason or Michael or Mitch, Sam can’t remember—with a vampire coven a town and a half away. Sam and Dean would’ve been invited, but Dean’s got stitches healing up his sides, and Sam’s got a “shitty goddamn attitude”. They’re rotting in the dry air of the apartment when Dean decides he’s bored of daytime TV, and demands a round of Quid Pro Quo, AKA the game where Dean asks as many embarrassing questions he can think of. Sam’s so bored out of his skull that he agrees to it.

They’re sitting across from each other on the living room couch, and it starts simple. Stupid stuff, like “when’d you last jerk off,” and “monster we’ve killed that you’d fuck”. To anyone else, it’d be a weird conversation to have with your brother, but sex is 80% of Dean’s personality. Half of the shit that comes out of Dean’s mouth has something to do with girls, or boobs, or dicks between boobs, or whatever other dirty thing he can think of. Sam was used to this.

“Um…” Sam trailed, eyes drifting to the ceiling as he tried to think of his next question, “What is… What’s something you’d never do with a girl?”

Dean hummed, pushing his bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout as he thought of his answer, “I dunno. I think anything with another guy would be a no, especially like, her boyfriend or brother or something. If he wants to watch, I won’t mind, but active participation is a no from me.”

Sam scrunched his nose at the idea, feigning disgust. A guy-girl-guy sandwich didn’t sound too bad in his head, but an interested response didn’t seem appropriate. Dean laughed at Sam’s expression, relaxing into the couch.

“My turn,” Dean’s smile dipped towards something mischievous, and Sam knew he was in for something raunchy, “When’d you lose your virginity?”

Sam’s heart stuttered, and he felt his face heat. “Uh,” he swallowed harshly, “Last year,” the lie stumbled off his tongue. Dean’s eyebrow raised.

“When last year?” Dean pushed, and Sam shook his head.

“Nope,” Sam bit the inside of his cheek, “My turn. Why the disinterest in including a guy?”

Dean’s face flushed slightly, confusing Sam. Dean wasn’t the type to blush, but maybe it was the blunt way Sam had delivered the question. The older brother shrugged.

“I dunno, I’m not into dudes. If I’m fucking a girl, I don’t want someone else’s dick involved,” Dean hurried through the sentence, then his eyes hardened on Sam. “When’d you lose your virginity last year?”

Sam’s ears were hot. “A little before my birthday, when we were in Missouri.” He’d quickly puzzled through the aspects of the lie in the brief seconds Dean had used to respond to his question. The game felt like an investigation with the way he spit out his next question: “You mentioned a brother being part of the equation. Has that ever happened to you?”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Jesus, you’re hooked on this one. Yeah, a few years ago when we hunted that shapeshifter in Utah, one of the cheerleaders flirted pretty hard with me. I thought we were gonna hook up, but she said that we could only fuck if her brother got to supervise. It was weird, and I didn’t talk to her again afterwards.”

Sam nodded his acknowledgment, and felt his stomach swoop when Dean’s eyes darkened.

“What was the name of the girl you lost your virginity to, and what’d she look like?”

Oh, he’d gone in for the kill. Sam paused too long before responding, and knew he’d lost.

“Um. Dakota, and she was, uh, blonde, and had green eyes. She was cute, I guess,” Sam sputtered, and the growing smirk on Dean’s face didn’t help his embarrassment of being caught.

“You little shit, you’re lying!” Dean crowed, tossing his head back as he laughed, one of his hands coming up to cradle his stitched-up side, “You seriously haven’t lost it yet?”

Sam’s face burned, and his stomach flip-flopped. Nausea crawled up his throat, his body physically reacting to how silly he felt. Being caught in a lie was far worse than just admitting he hadn’t had sex yet—Dean wasn’t going to shut up about this for weeks.

“Shuddup!” Sam’s voice was practically a whine as he buried his face in his hands, scrubbing at his eyes before yelling over Dean’s hyena laughter, “It’s not like I haven’t done other stuff, you jerk, I just haven’t gone all the way!”

Dean’s laughter calmed, the elder of the two’s expression shifting from humor to interest. “Okay, then what’s the farthest you’ve gone?”

Sam scowled, “It’s my turn to ask a question.”

“I’m not playing anymore,” Dean grinned, “I’m just asking. Answer the question.”

Sam’s face felt like it was on fire, and his stomach felt like a pot of water that’d been readied to boil. He bit the inside of his cheek so hard he bled.

“I-” Sam hesitated, debating whether or not to lie again. The farthest he’d ever gone ever was him and a guyfriend (not boyfriend) making out in some back room of a house party, then jerking each other off. Some fingers had ended up inside of him, and his face darkened further at the thought. He could lie, spin it like he’d been with some girl, but Dean was waiting for a lie. Sam huffed, avoiding his older brothers wide, excited eyes.

“I was at a party, and we made out and… ugh, we got off together. Fingering was involved,” Sam covered his eyes with his hand, groaning at Dean’s low, appreciative whistle.

“Wow,” Dean’s smile was salacious, “What was her name?”

Sam could lie. He really could, since Dean seemed to have taken the bait. He removed his face from his hand, glancing over to Dean. His stomach twisted and turned.

“Daniel,” Sam muttered.

Dean blinked, and blinked again. His grin slipped off his face as he seemed to process the information. Sam felt sick.

“Daniel, or like, Danielle?” Dean tried. Sam swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“Daniel. His name was Daniel Atkins.”

Sam watched, the fear dissipating from his stomach as Dean’s face slowly turned bright red. A little grin perked at his mouth.

“Uh,” Dean tried, suddenly averting eye contact, “Cool, alright.”

“‘Cool’?” Sam questioned. Dean nodded emphatically.

“Yeah, totally cool,” Dean affirmed, though his face remained red, “Very very cool. Still lame that you’re a virgin, though.”

Sam snorted, and extended his leg to kick Dean softly, “Jerk.”

Dean swatted at Sam’s offending leg, “Bitch!”

[hostilemuppet]

wait what did dream do to make you say he should kill himself? i wasn’t ever into dsmp but i’m nosy

two main things are:

inappropriate with fans. people bring up the "disproven grooming accusations" (iirc, there were FIVE girls who accused him, and he only acknowledged two in his "debunking" video, which he spent half on speedrunning and gumball waterson) all the time but thats not it. "parasocial" has become a bit of a buzzword that means nothing anymore, but its impossible to overstate how much he fosters that sort of relationship with his fans. everything from "selling his baby photos to his most dedicated fans" to "joining fan group chats to talk about feet pics". plus, whenever he gets called out for doing something bad he ends his tweets with "love you guys" bc he knows his fans will believe it

the way he treated his coworkers (not "friends". friends dont treat each other like that). it came out recently that he was genuinely borderline abusive to tommy, who was 16 when dream was 21, to the point tommys friend phil (at the time was 32) had to step in. tommy said he had to write in his diary to "not provoke dream, its not worth it, it makes me sad" and jack (like a year or two older than tommy) says that he "fucking hates dream". dream also frequently took credit for his coworkers accomplishments, especially tommy. you might have seen this tweet?

this was because dream was taking credit for tommys success and phil had to step in bc tommy messaged him saying that he was worried dream was genuinely mad at him. after this dream said it was "just a joke" but i think its bc he just realised he had nothing on philza

theres other stuff (he was blackmailing punz and since everyone also hates punz literally no one cares about how that almost definitely means he was blackmailing others) but these are the two main reasons hes an awful person who doesnt deserve the platform he constantly misuses. its hard to explain what exactly hes been up to the past 4 years but trust me in that my hatred of him was hard earned. i used to think "he may be a bit annoying but he doesnt deserve being demonised by the internet to this level", i even liked watching the manhunts at one point! i was on his side! he proved he did not deserve the benefit of the doubt. everything from his treatment of other creators (not even just his friends! his infamous buildmart rant where he decided to insult grian despite him having nothing to do with his tantrum just bc hes good at buildmart and dream was too much of a pussy ass baby to place some goddamn blocks in the game all about placing fucking blocks NOT EVERY GAME IS GONNA BE PVP YOU BITCH) to the way hed interact with anyone saying even the slightest bad thing about him (he qrtd a teenager with like 100 followers saying they didnt like his plushies to his account followed by TWO MILLION PEOPLE) and allowing his fans to attack them (something OTHER CREATORS have told him to stop doing! like BITZEL, who was then also attacked (racially! bitzel is a brown man and dreams fans were being extremely racist to him for daring to call dream irresponsible!) after dream went on a whole rant about how "if i went to a coffee shop and the barista spit in my drink, im gonna say something to the manager and its not my fault if they get fired" (not at all the equivalent you freak)

anyway. i hate him a lot

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

after last night

☆ EDDIE MUNSON'S MASTERLIST ☆

❣ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❣

➷ Summary : there is something that Eddie couldn't find to forget about you after that night

➷ Word Count : it's one shot

➷ Warnings : 18+ MDNI‼️ Rockstar!Eddie Munson x FEM!reader, language, no use of y/n, Eddie and reader are both (21), I made a bestfriend character named "Alexis", SMUT‼️, p in v penetration, both receiving, unprotected sex, aftercare, alcohol consumption, establishing a relationship, Eddie is a player in the past! reader is just an amazing gal and Eddie is so an awe to her, that's it!

➷ What to Expect : SMUT‼️ and FLUFF! this is just literally hot steamy delicious smut really hehe, you'll see an worried Eddie here, this is set in Modern era but it still screams 1980's

➷ Note To Reader : basically, I am literally using my favorite artists songs into an Eddie fic at this point, DON'T Y'ALL LOVE THIS SONG?!? 😩🤌🏻

➷ Author Note : I can't believe y'all liked my last post "you ain't woman enough" I didn't expect all of you to enjoy it and I wasn't even satisfied with it but wow y'all reassured me it was okay! SO THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT! 🥺🫶🏻✨

"I have plus one, you have to go with me!" Alexis holding up the two invitation cards with a look that says "please, I beg of you"

"I'll think about it" you glanced at her as you jotted down notes for tomorrow's class

"yeah, you'll think about it after a million years" she goes to your side and leans on the wall looking at you

You shut your eyes while you're holding both of your hands in front of you

You know she won't stop bugging you until you say "yes"

"Girl- please, this is Corroded Coffin! not anyone is lucky enough to be on their first music listening party!"

"Can't you bring someone who is dying to get there?" you mocked your reply to her as she rolls her eyes

"They don't matched my vibe and besides I love your company!"

"I may be loud, only to you but in that zone? I'll be sitting alone in the couch throughout the night"

She scoffs "Oh, please, you're so very well spoken once you get comfortable with the person you're talking to"

"it's not an immediate connection! I've had to warm up to them first" you say as your keyboard makes clacks sounds as you type at the background as her eye twitches in annoyance

"But-"

"It's lucky when something else sparked" you narrow your eyes at her as she huffs

"Come on! Please?!? it's only a few days left and we're gonna go home to Hawkins and we haven't tried or experienced something like this!"

You sigh without looking at her as you turned your head at her as she softly chants "please, please, please"

Wouldn't it hurt to have some fun for once?

"Alright! Alright fine! I'll go with you!"

"Yes! I knew you would come to your senses" She happily jumps and she hugs you and you chuckled as you roll your eyes playfully

"I'll go ready my outfit and you should too!" The smile is still intact to her lips as she takes her leave goes straight to her closet

You're so indecisive

You're so indecisive that you can't pick an outfit

"Oh my god, you've been staring at those three outfits for an hour!" Alexis exclaims at you in the reflection as she puts Velcro rollers over her hair

"Let me think"

"No- you can't think when you can't decide!"

"You're not helping, Alexis"

"Do you want me to choose for you?"

"No" you're staring so sternly at the two outfits

The colors are pretty much all black but the one outfit is a set of leather tube top and skirt with fishnet stockings and some edgy accessories, the next outfit is very dainty-ish top because of the ruffles all over the neckline with black ripped jeans, and lastly, it's literally the one you've been staring hard for too goddamn long

It's a black velvet dress, it screams "femme fatale" but still remains the elegance of the dress, it got a nice trim over the edges and it will fits you so well, it's a bit short since it ends just above your knees

The thing is that

The chest part design? is too revealing, it's a. cute strap sweetheart top and maybe, you'll be so overdressed since not only that is your problem

It's also backless

"If we come late to this party because of you, god- I forgot how hard it is for you to pick an outfit" she takes the cap off from the lipstick liner as she outline her lips, she's still talking to you at the reflection of the vanity mirror

You're thinking a lot of it deeply until you remembered something

You have this black glittery short blazer and this will be perfect with your black Stiletto Black Ankle Strap Pumps

"Wait- I got it" you snap your fingers, you raised the dress that you picked and Alexis squeals in excitement

"Oh my gosh, you'll look so hot!"

You chuckled as you shake your head

"Okay, so, there's Jeff the bass guitar, Gareth the drummer and-"

She turns off the engine of her car as she recites the band members names again

"Eddie, the lead singer and guitarist, yeah- I know" you tug up a smile at the end as she beams at you, she claps her hands

"Well, look at you! you remember it!"

"Of course, I remember it, you keep yapping about them all day to me"

You both get out of the car as she rolls her eyes at you, she locks the car as both of your heels starts clicks the pavement

"Do you listen to their music?"

"I did"

"I thought you didn't like that kind of music"

"Alexis, I just don't have the time to listen to it that doesn't mean I don't like it"

"But you did listen to it?"

"Some of it, yeah"

"It's really good, right?"

"Yeah, it is"

Once you both got in the front, the door swings open a curly short haired boy with red checkered vest and a black denim pants happily greets

"Hey there, baby!" He opens up his arms as your bestfriend rans into him

"Gareth!"

"How are you?"

"I'm good"

"Let me take a look at you"

"You're so stunning!"

The boy is grinning very widely at your bestfriend as you watch them both with a small smile at your face and when you and him looked at each other, your bestfriend introduced you

"Um- Gareth, this is my bestfriend in college and my plus one"

"Oh, hello" he offers his hand for you to shake as you gladly accepted it as you say your name

"I think Eddie is going to like you"

"Excuse me?"

"Gareth! Don't start the traffic at the front door-"

He stopped when he saw his friend and you

"Oh hey"

You shyly wave at the young man behind Gareth

"This is Jeff!" Your excited bestfriend pulls Jeff out as they both share a laugh

You shake hands at Jeff "Nice to meet you"

"You too"

You're amused at how Jeff kicks Gareth inside as you both walked inside of the house

They act like silly little kids that you almost forgot that they're famous rockstars

Now, you can feel little by little that your shy demeanor is fading slowly

"Isn't that right? Jeff?" Gareth asks as he throws his arms around at your bestfriend

"Right about what?" Jeff stand beside you as he furrows his eyebrows at his friend

"That Eddie will like her" Gareth points at you and Jeff looked at you with both of his eyebrows raised

"Yeah, definitely" Jeff says with his eyes wide as you get even more confused why they keep saying that

"Where is he? anyway?"

"You know Eddie, he's always late" Jeff crossed both of his arms as he goes to the front facing the three of you

"Ladies, feel free to help yourselves at the food and drink at the table, I know y'all both starving" Gareth squeezes Alexis to his side as he joins Jeff walking into a different direction of the house, they both said they'll be back

"Okay, no wonder why you feel comfortable with them, I see, I get it now" you sigh as you smile in disbelief

"I told you so!" she giggles as she takes your hand leading you to the dining table

You both came in early, so, there's only a few people inside, there's a distant music playing at the background

Gareth is not lying to what he just said to the both of you that you just realized you we're indeed hungry until you eaten one of their meals

Ever since you started college, you haven't had a decent meal

Both of you are stuffed and full, you ask at the bar for a drink

"One bottle of Heineken, please"

"Me too!"

"Cheers to finding yourself a boyfriend"

You snorted but you shrugged "I guess, cheers to that then?"

"I haven't told you where I met them, so, I first met Gareth at a convenience store and I don't know something really else clicked between the two of us, so, we hang out and then he gave me an invite"

"So, this is the man that you're talking about since last week?"

"Yeah"

"And you're officially his girlfriend"

She blushes "yes"

"Wow" you take a swig of your drink as you turn away from your bestfriend

"What is it?"

"I'm happy for you, I really do, but it seems so fast?"

Before she can reply, "You know what, I'll stop being protective, I'm just concerned- that's all"

She smiles at you as she nods to your words

"You're just like him"

"Like who?"

"Eddie"

Oh, there goes that name again

"What about him?"

"He's a really really nice guy, I'm not even kidding! he's also a gentleman"

You piqued an interest to that as your bestfriend Alexis smirks at the look that you just gave her

Gareth calls out to her name but Alexis hesitates to leave you all alone

"You can go ahead"

"Are you sure? I don't want-"

"I'll be fine, Alexis, just also look out for yourself, okay? go have fun"

She sadly smiles as she hugs you before she left and went to his drummer boyfriend

You deeply sighs as you finish your drink, you decide to take a look around the house

The guests are growing bigger and bigger as you started strolling around in the place

Every inch of the house feels so expensive, it's spacious, the white and gold furniture and the paintings all over across the room, you like how it styled

Much to your fascination, you bumped over the person whose quickly running that you fall back down on the floor

"Shit, my bad- I am so sorry" he reaches out for you to hold his hand

You clutch at your chest and winced at how hard it is but you dismissive your hand anyways and took his hand

"I'll survive, don't worry about it" you give him a small smile as you got back up on your feet

The male chuckles, you take him in, his hair is long brown curl locks and slightly long bangs and he's wearing a black Ray-Ban sunglasses and a pair of Metallica muscle tee and leather pants and black boots

"Why are you in such a hurry, anyway?" You ask him, you dusted yourself off

He ignores your question instead he ask you this "Would you accompany me in there?"

You tilt your head at him and looked over the crowded room

"I-I wouldn't-"

"Please, it would mean so much to me?" he opens his arm for you to hold but you still hesitated but sigh in defeat as you take it

On the way there, he speaks up again

"Did you come here alone?"

"Uh- no, my bestfriend from college, Alexis, used her plus one on me, I think you knew her already"

He chuckles again "Oh yeah, Alexis, she's a fun gal, I didn't know that she has fine bestfriend"

You knit your brows together, the moment he turns to look at you and he smiles, you became shy under his gaze

"Have you met everyone?"

"Yeah, I met Jeff and Gareth, they're cool but-" you replied to him and you notice some of the guests that you both passed while walking are waving at him

Who is this person?

"I haven't met Eddie" you say as you watch him open the doors

The moment the both of you step inside and the people roared in cheer, you startled by the joyous screams of all the guests

He laughs as he turns around back at you and takes his glasses off

"You already met him, darling"

Oh my god

Oh my fucking god

Why are you so clueless? You've been with him?!?

He's THEE Eddie Munson?!?

You're stunned and your mouth is agape as you stare at him in shock

He smirks as he places his Ray-Ban sunglasses on top of your head as he hold the tip of your chin raising it slowly to meet his gaze

"I'll see you later, sweetheart" he winks at you as he turns his back at you leaving you completely speechless

You know Corroded Coffin

Of course, you know the band name members

Yes, you listen to their songs

But

You didn't watch their music videos that's why you have no idea what they're look like

You're so occupied with your set of tasks that you didn't have the time to look at their faces

There, you see him again, talking to somebody else as he glances at you wiggling his fingers as you cupped your mouth in embarrassment as you shyly wave at him

He chuckles as he goes back talking to other person

Alexis pulled your hand in the corner as you both giggled to each other

"Girl- oh my gosh, you did not just come in with Eddie!"

"I have literally no idea! Alexis!"

"See? I told you he'll like you!" Gareth came into her side as he holds a drink into his hand as he points at you

"He's probably not" you deny him as Gareth rolls his eyes at you

"It's clear as day that you came in with him!" Jeff exclaims

"I think he was just being nice because he accidentally bumped on me earlier"

Alexis covers her mouth as the three of them looking at the person behind you

"It's my fault, I know" he tuts as he slinks his arm around your waist, you're surprised at the sudden action before you can even look at the person behind you

You pursed your lips together as you look down

"Mind you if I steal her from you guys?" He pulls you to his side as your eyes go wide at your bestfriend

She raises both of her hands with her face that says "Sorry, I can't help you"

"Yes, by all means!" Gareth aggressively nods as he shoos the both of you away

Jeff flashes you an eat-shiting grin at you as Eddie starts walking while still holding you closely to him

"Uh- rude of me, by the way, I did not quite catch your name"

You tell him your name as he nods but not leaving you with a dashing smile

He walks you through his room and you suddenly immersed in it's glory

It's captivating and it's so like him

He closes the door behind him and you roam your eyes around the area

"Wow, your room is so amazing"

"Thanks, you know all of this I just saved a lot of money to get all of this stuff that I wanted- uh- what's your favorite part?"

You smile as you point out the biggest window, you've ever seen

"Oh, that" both of you walked closer to it

He sighs at the scenery outside "Same"

You took the sunglasses from your head that he placed before

He pushes your hand away and lets his hold linger in there

"Keep it"

One of the crew/staff member starts knocking at the door telling Eddie someone is looking for him and it's urgent

"Can you stay here until I get back? You can do whatever you want in here"

"Um, sure" you say and smile as you nod at him

Before he closes the door, "Don't go anywhere? Okay?"

You chuckled "I won't, don't worry"

It's been 45 minutes since he left as you glanced over the clock as you finished looking at his achievement wall and shelf, you shift on your stance as you decided to take off your blazer

You walked through his vinyl collections, you run your hands on it until you saw "Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" you picked it up and looked over the cover

You looked at the door for one last time

"I can wait for him" you shrug as you take the jacket off and holding the platter very gently as you placed it down and raised the tonearm needle and pressed the play button

A smile grows on your lips as you hear the familiar tune

Your head starts bopping and you sway your body into the song

"I'm sorry, I'm late, sweetheart" Eddie came inside of his room, finally, but you're so lost in the music

You didn't even hear the door click closed

You're about to see him behind you but you're still dancing into the song

Eddie's mouth slowly hanging open as he is so enthralled to what he is watching right now

You took the pin off from your hair updo as you shake your head slightly, so, it falls, god- his heart just dissipated

The soft smile from your lips, and oh so freaking gorgeous gorgeous dress and he just wanna take your hand and marry you right away

The moment you turned around you open your eyes, you saw him standing in there, you didn't see how he is so entranced by you

You laugh in shock as lovely gasp giggles that came out from your mouth as you held your chest and you threw your head back

The time felt slow as he just stands there

He never want this night to end

"Oh, you came back!" You say as your laughter died down

Eddie, come on, man, speak up, he blinks rapidly as he clears his throat as he shoves his hands into his pockets "Y-Yeah, I'm back" he winced at how he stuttered

"I hope you don't mind me playing one of your precious vinyls" you walk over through his vinyl player and you're about to stop the music until he grabs your wrists as he slowly reaches to hold your hand, you're now looking at him with your hair beautiful laying down on your shoulders

"Don't stop the music yet" he says as he beams up and tug you on the center of his room as you giggled in the process as he starts dancing with you

"My love is alive (woo)

Way down in my heart

Although we are miles apart

If you ever need a helping hand

I'll be there on the double

Just as fast as I can

Don't you know that there"

He takes you by his arms, he twirls you around, he held you close to his chest as he start making dance moves that will make your stomach hurt

He stares at you as you happily dance with a big smile on your face

He moves closer to you, you raised your eyebrows as he stops you from moving as he holds both of your forearms

Your eyes goes all over his face, you saw his eyes flit right back to your eyes and to your lips

He leans forward and then boom, he pulls you close to place a kiss on your lips, your eyes are wide but flutters shut as you cupped both of his cheeks as your lips moved along with his

The kiss was so soft and sweet until he walks forwards as you walked backward pinning you on the wall, he grabs you by the waist as you mewl into the kiss, you placed your palms over his shoulders as it slowly crossed your arms around his neck

He is now flushed into your body inhaling every scent of you, the both of you got out of breath as he starts suckling the skin from your neck and your collarbones

You tug at his hair as he groans, the music behind is now ignored and coming to an end, you hum at the sweet spot that he found earning a moan out of you

"Oh, you sound so good" his voice is suddenly deeper and lower than before

He caged you in the middle as he plant his palms on either side of your head as he licks his lips as he looks at you from up and down

You looked at him with those sickening eyes that he can't wait to see it squeezing shut from pounding at you so hard

You reached at his tattoos as you traced your fingers at them, he watches you intently, a sudden confidence went through you as you think of something

"Maybe, your friends will be looking for you?" You say without making your voice sound like a honey-glazed tone, you look over to his shoulder as he turns his head around it

"Nah, they won't be needing me-"

He stopped talking when he felt you putting something inside on his pocket

You smirked at him as he gotten amused as he reaches down and turns out to be your black laced panties his eyes almost bulge out of his skull as he raised it in front of you

You bat your eyelashes on him acting all coy and innocent as he bits his bottom lip

"Real smooth, princess"

"I don't know what you mean by that"

He scoffs as he chuckles while shaking his head, he clicks his tongue at the sight of you

He caught you off guard when he carries you by the hip, you shrieked at the action immediately as you wrapped your arms around his neck his free hand swiftly taking off his pants

Carrying you got your dress riled up in the process as he didn't waste a minute any longer, he didn't give you a time to adjust as he enters your hole and you feel him pulsing inside of you, you take a sharp breath as you close your eyes as you throw your head back

"Jesus fucking christ" he grunts as he starts from a slow pace until it becomes quicker

Making you a cockdrunk mess as you clench around him, you moan when he starts to get rougher, you hold him close tightly making him rest on the crook of your shoulder

You whimper "E-Eddie, oh- you're good" you kiss him again surprising him as he gladly kisses you back but this time it was more lustful and desperate as your both of your teeth clashed

You're sliding up and down against the wall as he fucks you deeper making you gasp as he hit the spot both of you are heavily breathing as Eddie's contorts into pleasure, the way your cunt swallowing him so easily is driving him nuts

"You're so goddamn wet" your breath hitches as you crossed your legs around his waist

He sheaths once more until you screamed as you came undone

You pant as he carries you again leading you into his bed, he takes himself out of you making you whine on the feel of emptiness, the male laugh as you huff and puff at him

He takes off your heels and his muscle tee, you used your elbows to move backwards at his bed

You're in awe at him completely naked in front you as he leans down his fingers playing the hem of your dress his eyes are asking for a permission as you hold a finger up

He watches you as you start to take off your dress, he gulped when he saw how absolutely eternal you are

All is bare on display for him

Only for him

Your shy demeanor came back when he looks at you like that but he removes that as he starts to kiss you once again, you yelped as you kiss him

While kissing you he is now positioning himself between your legs as he lets himself inside of you again

You moan into his mouth as he starts to goes lower until he's on your chest he places love marks all over it

He held your hips as he pounds into you harder, your mouth making an "0" shape as he smirks

Your cunt squelch as he pulls himself in and out of you, he pulls you down earning a high-pitched moan from you as he raised your one leg and as he plunges himself inside of you making your back arched

"W-where do you want me, sweets?" He says as he growl when you start clenching at him again

His eyes went bigger when you changed the position, now, you're on top of him

You move your hips keeping up the pace as you watch his eyes rolled squeezing it shut

"Inside of me, I need you to fill me up" it's the only you managed to say

He doesn't know if his mind playing tricks on him

Did you really say that to him?!?

Eddie became frantic as he can't bust inside of you just yet as you grin at him evilly

You roll your hips as your moan become louder and louder as Eddie starts to squirm beneath you

"Fucking hell, yes, use me- j-just like that" he reveled as he sits up holding you and pulling you closer to him

He kneads your breast as he watches you touching yourself down below making him groan

The bodies slapping is the most unholiest that you ever heard in your life as you kiss him while your hands went through his hair, you got him distracted by the sudden sweet sensation

As you can feel your body shaking and the heat forming and building up, he shudder when you pin him down on the bed, the mattress springs starts to squeak as you fuck him

Oh, he is a goner

You screamed in pleasure as he shoots his load inside of you, he didn't let you down as he fills you up into the brim, you can feel it dripping as you collapsed at him

Your whole body is spent as he chuckles lowly

You softly moan when he still fills you up as he moves his hips

Both of your body feels sticky from the sweat but you didn't mind and neither does he

You start to wobble as you remove yourself from his laying beside him as he smiles lazily at you

You gave him a sweet loving smile at him

"Was I good for you?" you ask him he doesn't missed the way your eyes flashes with wonder

He raised both of his eyebrows with a look that says "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I-I don't know what you, what you did, but you did it, girl, see- normally I don't stutter but you d-d-do it to me!" He loses it, he got frustrated to fix his words as he let it be

Ever since he laid his eyes on you, he is staggered by your beauty

You crack up a laugh that he wishes he could hear it forever as he pulls you beside him

You both stayed like that for a while as you can feel your heavy eyes begging for you to go sleep, Eddie slipped off of you as he wore his boxers and pulls in his drawer a clean cloth

He opens the blanket as he takes care of you nicely, you're appalled, really, you've never had this level of intimacy before, you blushed

He saw your face as he smiles, "You're so adorable, baby" he chuckles as you hide your face with both of your palms

He brings back the blanket to cover you as you went into your side again

He kisses the top of your head as you wrapped your arms around him

He massages your scalp as it lulled you to sleep as you drift away

Meanwhile, Eddie, saw a shooting star as he looks at his window, says a prayer and hope it comes true

You woke up in the morning and you're still in the same position as it was before, he holds you close to him, you stare at him, he is so pretty with his long eyelashes and specks of freckles across his face

You take his arm off of you carefully, you slide off from the sheets as you picked up the discarded clothes all over the floor as you start dressing up

You saw your reflection in the mirror

Wow, damn, you didn't really who were you last night

There's something about him and that made you feel, you sigh in content with a smile on your face

You saw what time it is as you quickly put on your heels but before you headed out to the door

You smile so fondly as you placed a kiss on his lips and into his cheek, you giggle quietly when it leaves a mark because of your lipstick that you put on earlier

But, of course, you kept his sunglasses

"I wonder what's gotten to them" Jeff sips his coffee as he writes a new song for the band

Gareth chows down his favorite cereal, it crunches as he speaks "I think I heard someone left earlier in the morning but maybe that's just-"

Both of them can hear the loud pats of his barefeet as he runs quickly into the kitchen, even they're aware of his incoming presence, they both still get startled by him

"Where is she?!?" Eddie's voice starts cracking up like someone killed his loved one, he appears with his maroon robe

"Who?" Jeff takes a full gulp from his coffee as he analyzes his friend

Gareth still munching onto his cereal as he furrows his brows in confusion

"Her! Th-The girl with Alexis yesterday!"

"Oh, her" Jeff flashes a teasing wink to Eddie as his face drops in annoyance

"I think she left, Eddie"

"When?"

"Earlier in the morning, I heard the front door and gate opened"

Eddie starts pacing around at them back and forth, Gareth and Jeff eyes followed him as they both looked at each other because-

Eddie is only behaving like this when he doesn't have no idea for D&D campaign, when he can't write a song or when something happened to his beloved guitar

"I-I need to see her again, I can't- I have to- I want to see her" he rambles into his friends

"Man, are you alright?" Jeff asks him as walks over through him with his arms crossed

"No, I am not- I just really want to see her-"

"Gareth, do you have Alexis phone number?"

He nods but his expression changed as he remembers something, he even stops mid-chew

"Oh god, what does that mean?!?"

"She told me that they're going home"

"Home?!? Where?!?"

"She doesn't say, dude, they're college students, I think they're just here for it"

Eddie's eyes became glassy as he goes down and sat on the floor

Jeff slowly turns his head to Gareth with a face "Are you seeing this?!?"

"My life is over"

The line alone grabbed the both men's attention to him

"It's over, I'm finished!" He throws his hands up as he runs his palms through his face

Jeff squatted down in front of him as he hesitates at first but went it with it anyways as he placed his palm over his shoulder

"What happened?"

"She changed the game, Jeff"

"Ah" he shows a knowing look to Eddie making him huffed as rocks back and forth

Whining as to why you left all so sudden?!?

But, he knew you'll left sooner or later but not like this?!?

He has literally no idea where you from, he doesn't have any single contact that he can reach you, the worst fact is that

He doesn't even know where you are

Do you think of him like this?

Did you like him? Or was it just a one-night stand with you?

Do you also hope that you both shared the same feelings like as he did?

Do you wonder what he was doing after last night?

3 weeks had passed

A frown is evident on your face, but, sure, you already knew the moment you stepped on that line, you shouldn't be surprised when tabloids and it's all over the news about the headline

"A player rockstar"

You we're elated with him and your mind won't shut up thinking about him all the time ever since that night

It couldn't get any worse when you overheard other people talking about him, the radio, the television, the posters that are smacked every inch of the building you passed through, the billboards you saw, he is everywhere, everywhere you go, everywhere you went, even if you're so far away from him now, you can't never avoid him if you try

A part of you hoped and wished that he somehow also felt what you feel for him

You cursed through your breath when you forgot to left a phone number but you trash that idea since

He never asked for it

So, you left

"You wonder where he is now, huh?"

"Hmm?" You say as you play with his sunglasses that he gave to you

"Don't play coy with me, you know who I'm talking about" she saids as she takes a sip from her coffee

"He's probably with someone else now"

She scoffs as she leans down to narrow her eyes at you "Well, the people say he might be a player but you know all of this junk is false, you know they twist their words to make it sell, right?" She throws the clippings away from you as you released a deep sigh

A hope in your eyes are noticable as she smiles softly at you "How about you and Gareth?"

"We're doing great but we decided to take things slowly for a while, I took your advice"

"No, I shouldn't said anything"

"But I'm glad you did and you we're right"

You tug up a small smile on the corners of your mouth

"This isn't about me, it's about you, I may not knew Eddie that a lot but when he lets you hold him and didn't want you to stop to care for him? He is so madly in love with you"

"There you go again feeding my delusions"

"Look, I'm serious, just listen, Eddie loves you and you'll thank me later"

You let out a small chuckle "Okay, Alexis"

"There's someone for you at the phone" Jeff went into the studio room as he watches his friend tuning his guitar

"Who?" He asks

"Elizabeth?"

Oh

Oh, he remembers her all right, but he cringed as he looks at his friend as he slowly stands up and placed his guitar on the stand as he whispers

"Tell her that I am not home"

"Well, I'll be damned, that's the 4th girl that you just dismissed!" Gareth throws the music sheets as it flies everywhere making a mess as Eddie glares at him

"I don't want them in my life anymore"

Jeff studies his friend as he realizes that he is sooooo determined to see you again, if only, he can see you again

He knows that his friend won't stand for it, he won't stay still, he ain't gonna calm down until he reunites with you again

"Right, so, you just met some girl-"

"He is not some girl, Gareth"

Gareth knows he is already pissed, so, he held his hand up in surrender

The phone rings again and Eddie thinks it's the most annoying sound ever as the ringing tone bleeds through his ear

He stands up fast as he yanks the phone wire ending up breaking it as his friend's watches in shock as he threw the telephone across the room

"W-Why did you do that?!? That could be important!" Jeff walks over to the destroyed telephone as he goes to the kitchen awaiting for the next ring and Eddie is about to- but he stops him by holding his chest

He picks it up as he answers, "Hello?"

Jeff pinches his nose bridge as he grimaces at Eddie who is now wearing a smug look on his face

"Well?"

"It's Josephine"

Jeff is about to end the call but Eddie snatches the phone as he spoke

"Hello, dear, I'm sorry but stop trying to call me, Goodbye, don't ever call me again" he slams the phone back on its place

His voice is still remains the softness but it's firm dictating the words very clearly

Jeff raises his eyebrows he thought he'll screech at the young woman over the telephone but he didn't, he just politely declined whatever the girl wants

"Dude, look at him! Not a fucking single regret on his eyes" Gareth gestures his hands as he points out to Eddie

"I'm gonna throw out any phone if someone else tries to call me again, there's no player in me anymore, a-and it was dead ages ago!"

"But the media still thinks that you are" Gareth snorts but Jeff pokes his stomach with his elbow

"That's all some crap that they made up"

"What makes you think she'll believe you?"

"What?"

"If you ever encountered her again"

"Then I'll say the truth and that's the only night that I ever slept with someone for so long and I wouldn't join anyone in a bed or in a freaking house that isn't her"

Jeff nods along with a enigmatic smile on his face as Eddie shakes his head at him but he smiles

"I also wonder Alexis been doing, I haven't talked to her for a month?"

"Didn't you say they lived in a province? Or like a small cities?"

"Yeah? They could be everywhere in the world?!? I think she forgots to mention the name of their town, but wait- I think I saw her I.D hanging around her neck once, I took a glimpse on it"

Gareth pulls his brows together as he tries to remember the memory

Jeff and Eddie looks at him waiting for the anticipated answer

"Indiana? I don't know what part in Indiana?"

Eddie claps both of his hands, "we should make a tour over there and convinced our manager to make it happen"

"Why didn't you say this before?"

"Hey, Don't take this on me! I only just remembered it! y'all should be thankful that I can recall it"

The phone rings once again and Eddie is ready to yeeted it out of the window

Both of the men panicked as they rushed to Eddie to stop him by breaking another phone

"No- Eddie!"

"Stop!"

The boys we're surprised that their idea is acceptable

They toured on every part in Indiana, even he needs to rest and he needs to sleep but every show they did before and after, he never stopped looking for you anywhere

He has turned the whole places of Indiana upside down just to look for you

He finds nothing

No, sign of you anywhere

But, he's not giving up hope, he would rather die just to be with someone who isn't you

He would never ever date or marry someone else that isn't you

Eddie is now starting think that you might be not a human being after all, maybe, you're just this angel that came down or even a magical entity that came into his life and that's why you disappeared all of the sudden

He thanks himself for being so attentive with your friend Alexis as she talks about you to him before, you sounded so wonderful with her stories but meeting you in person? It's more fantastic

He went every record store in the place, he grows sadder when some other places didn't have any, he knew that you liked his vinyl collection, so, he supposed that somehow you we're there looking at the records

But as always the result is none

He is rooting for the last place that they'll visit

Even you don't want him anymore, he'll still be happy just to see you again for one last time

A bunch of youngsters are awestruck of the café that you and Alexis usual spot to hang out

"Do the people of Hawkins just finally realized that the coffee is good there or what?" Alexis says as she clutches her purse tightly as you both approach a sea of people

"What are they screaming about?"

Some adults overheard you as they replied "A rock band just visited our town are having a show at Hawkins High"

Your eyes light up of what you just heard "A rock band? Really?"

"Oh my god, me and my bestfriend went there to highschool together!"

"We have to grab a coffee, first, Alexis"

"I already feel so energized! I wonder who it is"

You murmur "Excuse me! We're passing through"

You both finally made it inside as you take your orders

Unbeknownst to you, a certain man on the other side is also drinking coffee

That's where all the noise coming from

A familiar laughter shoots through his core, oh boy, he felt weak in the knees as he heard it again

Despite the crowd being so loud, he still heard it

He thought was only hallucinating but he heard it yet again

Eddie turns around almost drops his cup of coffee as he shakily breathes

There you are with Alexis as you're about to leave as you take your coffee and a small paper bag

But, as soon as he gets up, the people are starting to get frenzy as the bodyguards couldn't handle the situation

He is stuck with all of the fans surrounding him

God, he is like fighting with his life at this very moment

He tries to walk ahead but no to avail as many people are dying to get close to him

Jeff and Gareth are politely telling people to give them personal space and to back off

They both follow their friends gaze as Jeff put hands over his head as Gareth eyes softens that he saw his girl again

"Please, don't leave!" He yells as he puts his hands on either side of his mouth as he shouts for your name

Making the crowd went completely silent, the rest of the people follow where he's staring at as you can hear the distant whispering

You froze as you stop your tracks to that voice

The voice that you thought you couldn't hear again

"They're here, I-I can't believe it!" Alexis sobbed as he saw Gareth who is teary-eyed

Eddie finally made his way over to you slowly as the people watch him, you're just about to turn around to face him

The second you looked at his eyes, your body shook that you can swear that Eddie can see it that you're nervous and confused

There's a unreadable expression on his eyes that you've never seen before

Maybe, you avoid yourself for letting him in, for staying in denial

But, the truth is, you still love him

"Hey, sweetheart, it feels so nice to finally see you again" He breathy laughs as he pulls up wide smile as his eyes goes all over your face

Your hair is different, shaggy haircut but still long, you're wearing a baggy long sleeve shirt as he can see the peek of your sports bra strap and denim skirt, a pair of sneakers but as always, you looked prettier on every kind of style

He had some changes too, I mean- he is always stylish but you didn't expect him to be even more confident, he wore a freaking mesh tee that you can see through his tattoos, he is so insane for wearing it and leather pants with boots

All you wanted to do is to throw yourself at him but you have a respect for yourself

You don't want him to give the satisfaction that he wants, so, you remained the wall that you build up

"Hello" you nod as you plastered a fake smile

His expression changes as he saw that you weren't pleased to see him again

But, then again, of course, why would you be happy

"Fucking tabloids" he thinks to himself

The swarming fans went wild as they tried to get to Eddie

Eddie jerks his head at the backdoor as you turn your head at it even you think if this was a bad idea to let him get into you again

Still, you want him to talk

The bodyguards blocked the way, so, both of you can have a privacy, you heard the people talking about you

"Who is the mystery girl?" As they all say

Alexis gave you an encouraging smile and a hug before she left you with him

She glares at Eddie who swallowed nervously

He tails behind your back as you went outside, he closes the door blurring out all the noise inside

He doesn't even know where to start as you wrap your arms around yourself ducking your head down, his hands are itching to touch you

"Uh, how are you?"

"I've been good" you lie, you missed him

He nods but if this painfully short conversation ends up like shit, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself, so-

"After that night" he brings it up, you get tensed as you look at his hopeful eyes

"I-I think I'm in love you" he said without a single trace of doubt on his voice

Your eyes are glistening to his confession but you take a step back at him as you slowly shake your head

"Eddie, y-you have a quite a reputation" you laugh in disbelief as you tried not to breakdown and cry Infront of him

Does that mean he felt the same way? Like you did?

He knows what you mean by that and he is never proud of it

He doesn't have anyone who looked at him in the way that you looked at him

They only want him because of his rockstar personality but you?

You're aware that he's a big artist in the industry but you treated him like he always wanted to be treated

Is to feel seen and you just interacted him not only he felt the connection but also spiritually

Meeting you was the best refreshing moments of his life

"That's all the in past now, please, I need you and I want you, can you just listen what I have to say?!"

"Are you doing this because you're already tired all of the girls that you have? Am I going to be one of them? No-"

"I tried to forget about you!"

He curses himself when he saw the hurt expression on your face

"I tried, I really really tried, I woke up in that morning and I don't even know what you did to me! I can't seem to get you out of my head!" He takes a step closer to you

"After that night, I don't know what to do with myself like how am I going to see you again?!"

That's how much he misses you? the tears well up in your eyes

Your chest tightens as he moves closer to you as he held both of your forearms

"I woke up every single morning and you're the only one who runs through my mind" he says to you very softly, a voice sounds so small and vulnerable

He cradles your cheek as swipes the fallen tear that runs down

You still haven't responded to him as he kept on going

"I'll give whatever you want, just say something, whatever you need, I'm going to give it to you and I guarantee that you'll be happy and I won't ever make you cry and feel hurt, we'll be together" he pauses as whispers the last line

"I-If that's what you want, if you'll have me" he rests his forehead against yours

"W-What a-about the girls?"

"Those days are over, baby, I only want you nothing more"

You quietly sniffle to his another confession as you look straight into his eyes

"And even you don't want me, I'll fucking die alone"

"Eddie- I"

"Also that night, I've never been with anyone else for so long that it feels like an eternity but when I met you, god, you change me, you put me on like I've never felt before and I still need more, I need you and I want you in my life permanently!"

It's true, his eyes fixed on you as he gauges for your reaction and verdict

"Sweetheart, I-"

You slam your lips over to his as he hums while kissing you back

Gosh, you both missed this

He cuts it off as he furrow his brows at you, looking at you in confusion

"Is that a yes?"

You let the happy tears fall as you hug him "Yes, Eddie, I love you"

You embraced him as you bury your face on his neck as you stand on your tippy toes

He sighs of relief as he carries you and circles you around as he pulls you back to kiss you once again

"I love you too so much" he says as you finally saw the glint of adoration on his eyes that you're terrified to see before

This time, he won't be worry not seeing you again

Because you'll stay forever with him on his side

Like you always wanted in the first place <3

[mrs-snape5984]

„And there's a black mark where your heart should've been….“

„I could've laid down and died, but my head was spinning round. It was spinning round. I wanna know what it's like, so I can feel it inside…“ („The Blue, The Green“ by Lonely The Brave)

Trigger warning: I’ve written this post in a moment of frustration and grief. If anyone has a problem with reading the sad thoughts of a depressed, middle-aged woman with the tendency to curse and swear too much, please feel free to skip the following five paragraphs.

It’s one of those especially hard days today. I had to leave my dark room to be taken to a medical appointment. Leaving my dark room means crashing hard again…with prior announcement!

So, leaving the house goes hand in hand with a sudden feeling of disorientation. Noises, movements, lights…those are all things, which my brain can’t comprehend anymore since I’m struggling with ME/CFS. When I’m overstimulated like that, I’m losing my grip on reality. Everything gets blurry and I feel as if I don’t know, who I am anymore.

It’s hard to describe, but I need to be guided into the right direction in these situations: Walking very slowly with my cane…having a break after every few steps…being held on my other arm…always wearing my dark sunglasses and my noise canceling earplugs…all these aspects together are making me feel so helpless…

I have to take my mother with me to the doctor’s office, because I wouldn’t understand a single word otherwise. And when I’m home again, back in my dark room…lying in my bed, the big crash starts to hit me right into my face! I’m getting feverish…my whole skin hurts as if it would be pulled off my body…my lymph nodes are swollen…my limbs are hurting and I can’t make a single step anymore. My head seems to explode from aching and I’m losing my ability to communicate properly. Every fucking time!

After some hours (sometimes even up to 24 hours) of sleep, I’m regaining consciousness again…still not capable of leaving my bed. And this is the worst moment…the moment, when my brain starts thinking about the humiliating feeling of being so helpless in my age. The moment, when I’m realising, that there are still so many years left to live….probably the same way as I was living for the past 1,5 years. The moment, when I’m grieving for the life, I’ve lost. The moment, when I’m hating myself for being too sick to be the active mother, friend, employee, I’ve been before this goddamn disease ME/CFS destroyed everything!

And this is the moment, when Severus has to take over. This might sound strange, but drowning in my fantasies about him is the only way to prevent my mind from going insane. Every time, when my own reality becomes unbearable to me, I’m imagining myself to be hidden beneath his robes…searching for shelter in his arms. Severus has been my safe haven for the past 21 years…and right now I’m clinging to him as tight as I can…in order to stay alive.

The wonderfully talented @alinearthp has transformed my fantasy into this beautiful artwork and I’m more than happy with the outcome of it. Aline, my friend, I love your art and the way, we’re sharing our thoughts with each other. You are a precious person, my dear, and I’m grateful to know you. Thank you so much for everything!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 22: Storm

A spring snowstorm hits Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-21 found on Tumblr here.

PLEASE PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE CONTENT WARNINGS, THIS IS A ROUGH CHAPTER!!!

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Past sexual assault vaguely described; animal death; PTSD response; sexual assault of a minor mentioned in a vulgar way (not seen); possible child death. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 8.6k 

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Early May, 2013 

You were outside when the woman rode up. 

Your home was well hidden and you’d only seen five people since Mark had left almost a year earlier, each of them making their way into your land and telling you that he’d sent them your way. They were all kind, they were all vulnerable and they were all loaded down with things you would need. Flashlight batteries and bulbs, sugar and salt, rubbing alcohol and petroleum jelly. Thread, fabric, pain killers, antibiotics, guitar strings. One woman had been sent with a snack sized bag of Lays that were still sealed and a bottle of whiskey. That had made you smile, the clearest sign that Mark hadn’t forgotten about you. 

All of the others had arrived on foot, seemingly with a good idea of where to go, mostly alone but two women has traveled together. The timing wasn’t predictable but you at least knew what you could expect when someone Mark sent your way came into your territory.

This woman was different. 

You heard her before you saw her, the thundering footfalls and heavy breathing of her horse loud against the quiet of the forest. You didn’t have time to fortify your position, didn’t even have time to go get more ammo. So you stood your ground and raised your rifle, heart pounding, when she burst through the tree line and into the clearing that you called home. 

“Back the fuck up!” You yelled, gun raised. The horse all but skidded to a stop, the woman on its back clutching a bundle of blankets to her chest with one hand, yanking back on the reins with the other.  

“Easy!” She said dropping the reins and putting her hand up. She still clung to the bundle. You recognized the horse. It was Perseus, it was Mark’s horse. “Are you Texas?” 

“Who’s askin’?” Your accent was thick, fear a knot in your stomach as you looked Perseus over. You didn’t see any signs of injury.

She kept her hand up. 

“You knew Mark?” She asked. She had an accent, too. Georgia southern, like Mark. “Brown hair, criminally long eyelashes?” 

You narrowed your eyes at her and tightened your grip on your weapon. 

“He knew you,” she kept going. “He… he told me all about you. Doubt he ever mentioned me but… he talked about you all the time. He loved you and I think you loved him, too.” 

You swallowed past the growing lump in your throat and tightness in your chest. She kept using past tense. 

“What about him?” You asked, keeping your gun raised but your grip loosened. 

“He sent me to find you. We need your help,” she said, reaching and tugging her pant leg up just enough to reveal a festering bite mark on her ankle. “And I don’t have much time.” 

***

Early April, 2027

“I can’t believe you’ve been calling her a fucking baby deer this whole goddamn time!” 

Ellie was perched on Shimmer’s stall door, watching as you and Joel set out blankets for the horses. It has been snowing all day and winds were picking up. You were worried a blizzard was moving in and you wanted help getting the horses set to ride out the storm if you couldn’t get to them for a day or two. 

Joel was happy to assist, especially since he had come back from patrol a week earlier with a copy of Bambi on VHS. Ellie hadn’t been able to calm down about it since and it reminded him of the giddiness she had when she started in on the puns the first time, almost four years ago now. He’d have done anything to get that back and, it turned out, all it took was an old Disney movie and a funny nickname.  

“Thank you,” you laughed, almost smug. “Don’t talk for a few minutes and get saddled with the name of a cartoon deer for life…” 

“Hey, needed somethin’ to call you and you try coming up with anything else after lookin’ at you with those big eyes,” Joel said, defensive but smiling. “Not my fault it stuck.” 

“Yeah well Bambi here was gonna kick your ass the first time we met,” she replied. “Big bad contractor was gonna get beat up by a fucking cartoon deer from a kid’s movie…”

Joel tried to keep from laughing and raised his eyebrows at you. 

“OK that’s an exaggeration,” you said. “All I was going to do…” 

“I asked if you were going to try to kick his ass,” Ellie cut you off. “And you said ‘no try about it, I was gonna kick his ass.’” 

“And what did I do to deserve that?” Joel asked, teasing. 

“Well, Ellie tried to warn me about you…” You began, but Ellie cut you off. 

“Should have listened….” 

You glared at her. 

“But she wasn’t very clear,” you said. “And if some grown man was messing around with a girl, I was going to kick his ass. Turns out I didn’t have a reason to.” 

Joel laughed. 

“Glad you spared me.” 

You laughed before planting your hands on your hips, looking around the stable for a moment, taking stock. 

“Think things are just about as good as they’re gonna get,” you sighed. “But I think they should be good for a day until we can dig out and get back over here. Just wait for them to finish dinner, put more feed in after…” 

“Think there’s any chance of the patrols making it back tonight?” Ellie asked, her eyebrows drawn together. 

“Probably not,” Joel said. “They got places to ride out shit like storms if they get stuck, they’ll be alright.” 

“Still,” you said. “Had a group that was due back tonight, Jackson was probably the closest point to ride it out. Think I’ll hang out for a bit yet…” 

“I’ll go get us something to eat,” Joel said. “We’ll wait with you, head home after, settle in to ride out the storm.” 

“Can we stay at Bambi’s?” Ellie asked. “She’s got a way better stereo.” 

You smiled. 

“Sure, kid,” you said. “On you to get Joel to dance party, though.” 

“Dance party?” He frowned. 

“You wouldn’t get it, Old Man,” she replied, the hint of a smirk on her face. 

“Don’t get a lot of things about you, Baby Girl,” he said before stretching his back a bit. “Alright, back in a few. Try not to find too much trouble while I’m gone.” 

You and Ellie both rolled your eyes and he couldn’t help but smile as he made his way through the few inches of snow that had already fallen, heading for the mess hall. 

One of Joel’s favorite parts of being back on good terms with Ellie was getting to see your relationship with her. Even before she was mad at him, he wanted her to have someone like you in her life. Another woman she could talk to, look up to, guide her in ways he didn’t fully understand. She needed that and he hadn’t been able to see it happening from the distance she was holding him at before. 

He knew the two of you were close, he just hadn’t realized how close until the last few months. The two of you felt more like family than Sarah’s mother ever had and he treasured it, treasured that you seemed to love his daughter almost as much as he did. 

The mess hall was getting ready for a storm, too, putting together baskets of food to send home with Jackson residents so people wouldn’t be struggling through the storm for their meals over the next few days. He gathered enough to last the three of you for a bit plus some sandwiches for tonight before he started back toward the stables, the wind more forceful and biting than when he’d left just half an hour earlier. 

As he got closer, he noticed tracks in the snow, hoof prints leading to the stables. A patrol had made it back and, for half a moment, he was a little disappointed. If the storm wasn’t as bad as they were expecting and the patrol was able to make it back to Jackson without losing much time, he might not get to spend the day with you and Ellie tomorrow. Ever since the storm started moving in that afternoon he’d been excited for the chance to have some unexpected time just the three of you - almost like playing hooky but with permission. 

But he knew he should just be happy the patrol made it home through the weather, hopefully with all the people intact. Which, he was. But damn if he didn’t love an excuse to spend time with you. 

He opened the door to the stable and quickly moved shut it behind him, expecting to find you taking saddles off horses. Instead, you damn near slammed into him, your eyes wide, not saying a word as you shoved the door open and took off into the snow. 

“Bambi?” He called after you. You didn’t even slow down. He jogged over to Ellie’s perch and set the food down, a tightness starting to grip his chest. 

“No idea,” Ellie said, not waiting for him to ask. “Patrol came back, said something about some people they found outside… She just said ‘savvy’ and took the fuck off.” 

Joel looked around for a second. Julie was standing next to her horse, a confused look on her face. 

“You found people outside?” Joel asked. 

“Yeah,” she said, still staring at where you’d run out. “Yeah, a group of five. We brought them back…” 

“Where are they?” He asked, fighting to keep his voice calm. 

“The clinic…” 

“Ellie,” he said quickly. “Stay put here, alright? I’m gone more than half an hour, head on home. Mine or hers, don’t want you in that little place for this storm, OK Baby Girl?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded, not giving him shit. She looked concerned, too. “Yeah, OK.” 

He gave her a stiff nod and went out into the building storm, following your footprints to the clinic. 

Joel heard you there before he saw you, your voice pleading and desperate as he shut the wind and snow outside. 

“Anything,” you were begging. “Anything at all, a name, an age, hair color, anything, please…” 

“I’m sorry,” a man whose voice Joel didn’t recognize said. “She did say much before she died, just that there was a girl…” 

Joel found you then, in the same room he’d been in when he’d come in from patrol with a bullet in his leg. 

“Where?” You asked. “Where’d you find her? Did she say where she escaped from, how far she’d come?” 

“We picked them up about 15 miles north east of here,” Fred, one of the men on patrol, said. “Just south of Kelly.” 

“Think she came from a camp ground near there,” the other man said. He was skinny, a patch of frostbite on his nose. “Said something about cabins…” 

“Right,” you nodded. “Right, thank you.” 

You turned and ran smack into Joel’s chest. You barely seemed to register it, hardly even glancing at him before ducking around him and running out the door again. 

“She was asking about a girl,” Fred said quickly. “These folks here, had a woman with them before we found them. Said she escaped raiders, that the raiders had a teenaged girl…” 

“Fuck,” Joel muttered under his breath before looking at the other man. “Thanks, Fred.” 

He didn’t wait for a response, just ducking back into the snow, the wind starting to howl now, running to catch up with you. 

You were on your porch by the time he reached you. You didn’t even seem to be aware that he was following you, you were too focused on something else entirely. You didn’t even bother to take your boots off when you got in the house, just ripping the coat closet inside your door open and pulling out your patrol materials as Joel let himself in. 

“Bambi,” he said gently. You looked up at him for a moment, like you were surprised to find him there before you focused back on your pack, shoving in blankets and flashlights. “Come on, honey…” 

“They’ve got her, Joel,” you said, barely glancing at him before you grabbed your bag and half walked, half ran to your kitchen. “Can’t just leave her out there with them, I…” 

“There’s a snowstorm, Sweetheart,” he said gently, trying to keep his voice calm. “It’s not safe…” 

“Doesn’t matter,” you started stuffing food in your bag, no rhyme or reason to it that Joel could see. 

“Yes, it does,” he said, trying to take the pack from you. You yanked it back, a vicious look in your eyes before you ducked around him. “Baby.” 

“I’m not leaving her to those… those…” your voice cracked. “Those fucking monsters, I’m not, I can’t just leave her, I can’t just abandon her, I…” 

“You getting yourself killed won’t help anybody.” It was getting harder and harder to keep the panic from his voice. He’d never seen you quite like this. Close to it when out on patrol and there were signs that raiders were near, signs of their violence, but he’d always been able to pull you back from the edge. He wasn’t sure he could this time. “Bambi, you can’t…” 

“Yes, I can.” 

You moved around him and he followed. 

“I know you want to help people,” he said. “But you can’t help anyone if you get yourself killed. I know you want to save everyone from going through what you went through…” 

“That’s not what this is,” you said, turning in circles like you were looking for something but you couldn’t place it. 

“Then what is it?” He caught you by the shoulders and looked at you, your eyes wide and panicky. “Tell me, help me understand. When the weather clears, I can go with you and…” 

“It’ll be too late then,” you shook your head, tears starting to swell. “As soon as the snow stops they’re going to leave and it’ll be too late, I’ll never catch them and they’ll still have her and I can’t lose her again, Joel, I can’t, I can’t take it, I can’t do this again, please, don’t ask me to do this again I…” 

“Do what?” He asked, pleading, his grip on you firm. “Let me help you, Baby, please, tell me what’s going on. Who…” 

“My daughter!” You said quickly. Joel froze, his heart pounding against his ribs. “I have a daughter, I have a daughter and if it’s her I… I can’t lose her again, I can’t. I have to go get her…” 

“You…” he breathed. 

“My daughter,” you said, eyes wide. “Please, Joel. I think they have my daughter.” 

*** 

Early May, 2013

You lowered your rifle enough that it was no longer an immediate threat and she relaxed a little, letting the pant leg fall over her ankle again. There was a small cry from the bundle in her arms and you frowned, looking between her and it. She carefully lowered it from her chest, looking down to it. 

“Hey, you’re OK sweet girl,” she said gently. “It’s alright…” 

The bundle fussed but didn’t cry again and she looked back to you. 

“Can I get down?” She asked. “Got a lot to talk about and not a lot of time to do it. Figure I’ve got an hour left. Two, tops.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded quickly. “Yeah, OK. Let’s talk.” 

You didn’t invite her in, not wanting to deal with the potential hazard of her turning into one of those inhuman things in your house. She didn’t seem to mind. 

Her name, she said, was Laurel. She was about your age, you guessed, with her dark hair in two thick braids, deep brown eyes and rich umber skin. 

“This is Savannah,” she said, tilting the bundle so you could see inside. “She’s nine months old…” 

You looked at her, awed for a moment. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen a baby and you resisted the urge to reach out and run your finger over her chubby, impossibly soft looking cheek. She blinked at you, her brown eyes oddly keen and exacting for a baby, her lashes almost obscenely long. You frowned, leaning in to look closer at her. You knew those impossibly soft, brown eyes set in her lovely russet-hued face. 

“She’s Mark’s,” you said softly, looking up at Laurel. “She’s Mark’s, isn’t she?” 

“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, she is.” 

“I…” your voice broke. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know he had someone, I wouldn’t have…” 

“It wasn’t like that,” she cut you off. “My husband died about three years ago. He got hurt, it got infected… Not even the fucking apocalypse kind, just the kind that you can clear up with penicillin if you can find the damn stuff. Mark… we were both lonely, looking for something to make it better for a while. It just kind of happened. She just kind of happened.” 

The baby cooed, stretching and reaching for you. 

“Where is he?” You asked, looking back at Laurel. “What happened to him?” 

“Our settlement got overrun,” she said, her voice suddenly thick. “They came out of nowhere and just… He tried. He tried so, so hard, you should know that he tried. But he got bit, on the neck, trying to protect us and… He told me where to find you. That’s what he did with the last few minutes of his life, he told me where to find you, he told me that you’d take care of us, make sure we survived. He told me to tell you that he loved you and that he wanted to come back to you…” 

You found yourself nodding, tears on your cheeks as you looked into the eyes of the man you loved in his child’s face. 

“He died before I got bit,” she said. “He died thinking we had a shot. I kept her safe, though. She was safe…” 

“You did good,” you said, throat tight. “You really did…” 

“I need your help,” she said before taking a deep breath. 

“Course,” you nodded, tearing your eyes away from Mark’s daughter to look at her. “What…” 

“I need you to take Savannah.” 

You just blinked at her for a moment. “I…” you broke off, shaking your head. “What? I… no, no, I’m not who you want, I don’t…” 

“I don’t have a lot of options,” she said. “I don’t have time to find another person let alone someone I know I can trust. And I know I can trust you with her. Mark loved you and you loved him, you won’t let anything happen to his child.” 

“But I…” you looked back at the baby in her arms. “I don’t know anything about kids, I wouldn’t even know where to start, I don’t…” 

“Please,” she said, her voice breaking. “He wanted you to take care of her. I think… I think part of him knew it would just be her. That’s why he sent me here, to you. He wanted it to be you. He trusted you and he loved you, he wanted her to be with you. Please, I’ll beg if I have to, just please take care of her. Please.” 

You looked at the baby in her arms, at Mark’s eyes with the impossibly long lashes. 

“OK.” 

Laurel held her daughter while she told you everything. You paused her to take some notes when you thought of it, things like a recipe for formula when she refused solids and what to do when she started crying but wouldn’t stop. She told you how much her daughter loved to gnaw on bits of apple and loved to bounce in time to her father’s humming and her birthday - July 20. 

She started twitching more in what felt like no time at all, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. She pressed her lips to her daughter’s forehead. 

“You’ll be OK sweet girl,” she whispered to her. “You’ll be OK. Mama loves you, OK? Try to remember that for me, OK?” She looked up at you. “Will… will you tell her about me? About Mark?” 

You nodded, the pinch of tears tight in your throat. 

“Of course,” you said. “I’ll make sure she knows everything you did for her. She’ll know about you.” 

She nodded, passing you her child. Your child. 

“I’d like to do it myself,” she said, nodding to the gun at your hip. “If that’s OK.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, adjusting Savannah in your arms and handing Laurel the gun. She took it and walked backwards away from you, her eyes on her daughter. Your daughter. 

“I’ll close my eyes just before,” she said once she was about 20 feet away, still looking at her baby. “Can you cover hers for me? I want to look at her as long as I can but I don’t want her to see…” 

“Yeah,” you nodded again. “I can do that.” 

“Thank you,” she smiled tightly, actually looking at you this time. “I… I know this isn’t what you planned but… It’s easier, knowing she has someone.” 

“I’ll take care of her,” you said. “I’ll love her. I’ll take care of her.” 

Laurel just nodded and looked back at her child, watching her for a moment, the gun in her shaky hand. 

“Mama loves you,” she said softly, raising the gun to her temple and closing her eyes. You quickly pressed Savannah’s face into your chest and held her close. 

Everything was eerily silent for a moment, the longest second of your life, before there was the crack of the gun and the sharp cry of the baby who was all you had left in the world. 

August 2018 

“You have learn this, Savvy.”

“I don’t want to shoot them, Mama,” your daughter looked over at you from her spot on the downed tree, looking at the infected more than 100 feet away through a scope. 

“These are the easiest things you’ll ever have to shoot,” you said gently. “It’s nice to shoot them, you’re making it so they’re not hurting anymore…” 

“But they’re people.” 

Her eyes - her father’s eyes - were so wide. The springs of her curls were bundled back away from her face, a sprinkle of freckles across her nose. 

“I know they look like people,” you ran your hand over the crown of her small head. “But they’re not, not anymore. They’re things that are hurting and the only way to help them is to shoot them. And shooting them keeps you and me safe. Now, you can do this. Do it just like you do at home with the targets.” 

She looked at you, her big eyes watery, before obeying and turning back toward the gun. You watched as she lined up her shot and took a deep breath, exhaling before firing. 

Her shot went a little wide, catching the infected on the arm. It whipped its head around and shrieked before running for you. 

“Mama!” 

“It’s alright,” you said, looking down your own rifle for a moment before firing and hitting it in the head. It dropped like a stone. “See? All OK. This is why we learn.”

“I’m sorry,” her voice was thick and trembling and you looked over at her, tears streaming down her face. “I tried hard, I promise…” she hiccuped and gulped in air and you set your rifle down and sat up before pulling her against you. 

“You did so good,” you kissed the top of her head. “Don’t be sorry, Honey, you did so good, I’m so proud of you.”

“But I didn’t kill them,” she pulled her face from your chest, her lower lip quivering. “I did it wrong and…” 

“You’ll get better,” you said gently. “No one is perfect when they’re learning. This is just to make sure that you’re safe. I’ll always protect you but it’s good for you to know how to protect yourself, too. This is just in case, OK?” 

She nodded against you and you held her until she stopped crying. When she calmed, you ran your thumbs over her cheeks and kissed her small forehead, wishing you didn’t have to teach her these things. If you could just shelter her away from the world - from infected, from the people who has found power because of the infected - then it would all be OK. She wouldn’t need to know how to kill. It could be just you and her, growing things and raising horses and reading by the fire, until the end of time. 

But the world, you knew, was not so kind. 

“Want to go pick out some books?” You asked gently. She nodded and the two of you got up and you took her hand, leading her to the library. 

In the more than five years you’d had Savvy, she had become your entire world. Everything you did, you did for her. To keep her safe, to make her happy, to teach her. You’d known nothing about children when Laurel brought her to you. The first night, you’d held her close while you both cried and you prayed to a god you’d never been sure existed that you would do right by her.

Loving her came easy. Living for her was harder. 

But you fell into it eventually, guiding her through the world as it was now as best you could. If you found a family near your territory, you’d watch them from afar and, once you knew it was safe, bring Savvy to introduce her, give her a chance to know someone besides yourself. You taught her how to read, how to count, how to skin a rabbit. You had no idea if it was the right thing but you hoped it would be enough that, when she was older, she would survive if something happened to you. That’s all that mattered, that she would be OK. 

“Mama?” She asked, setting her picture book on her legs as you browsed the shelves for more books on home schooling and small scale farming.

“Yes baby?” 

“What else would I need to shoot?” 

You frowned and looked down at her, your hand on the spine of a book. 

“What?” 

“Well, you said that the not people are the easiest things I would have to shoot,” she said, face serious. “So… what else would I have to shoot?” 

“I don’t think you’ll like shooting animals much,” you said and she crinkled her nose. “But you’ll probably have to at some point.” 

“But I like animals,” she pouted. 

You smiled. 

“I know you do.” 

“What else?” She asked, still peering up at you. 

You sighed. 

“Sometimes…” you turned your attention back to the books. “Sometimes you’ll have to shoot a person.” 

Her wide eyes somehow grew wider, a look of horror on her face. 

“But…” her little voice broke. “But I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“I know,” you said quietly. “But sometimes we have to.” 

“Why?” 

“Because,” you looked down to her. “There are things in this world that want to hurt you and you need to know how to hurt them first.” 

“But you’re here,” she said. She was so young, so small. You knelt, getting down on her level. 

“You still need to know how,” you said. “I will do everything I can to protect you but I might fail. You need to know how to destroy them before they destroy you because they will. They will destroy every part of you they can touch if they have the chance. Don’t give them the chance.” 

She considered that for a moment, her face very serious. 

“Does it hurt?” She asked, looking up at you. 

You reached down at cupped her cheek.

“Yes,” you said quietly. “Yes, it does.” 

Her eyes were wide and soft and deep and you wanted, more than anything, to keep her safe. 

“But I’ll take care of you,” you said, stroking her soft skin with your thumb. “For as long as I’m alive, I’ll take care of you.” 

September 15, 2023 

“Mom?” 

You looked up from where you were working at skinning a rabbit. There was a glow in your front window, a hold over from when Savvy was even younger and you had to leave to go check on the horses before bed. She got scared one night when she woke up and found that you weren’t in the dark cabin. Ever since, you always left the electric lantern on when you left in the evenings, even though she said she didn’t need it anymore. It was just enough to work by as the sun got lower outside. 

“Yeah?”

“What…” she paused, an odd look on her face. “What’s in Gattling’s mouth?” 

The dog was hovering behind Savvy’s legs and you leaned around from your position on a tree stump, trying to get a look at her. You frowned, not able to make it out in the low light, and set the rabbit and your knife down, wiping your hands on a rag tucked into your belt.  

Gattling’s tail wagged as you approached, her head low and you squatted down to be on her level, angling her head toward the house so her muzzle wasn’t in shadow. Her snout was red with blood, something dangling from her jaws. You held your palm out flat. 

“Gattling, release.” 

She obediently dropped it in your hand with a sickening splat. It took you a moment to realize that it was a pinky finger. 

“Mom?” Savvy’s voice was shaky. You dropped the finger where you stood and heard the crack of a gunshot in the distance. 

“We have to move.” 

You grabbed her arm and pulled her in the house, Gattling trotting close behind. 

“What’s happening?” She asked, looking back over her shoulder. “Mom, what’s…” 

“Get packed,” you said, grabbing a pack and thrusting at her before running to the dresser in the corner. You shrugged out of the shirt you were wearing and traded it for the one you’d worn when you fled the ranch 20 years earlier, not willing to leave Justin’s shirt behind. “Some clothes, first aid, batteries, flashlights, all three kinds of ammo, sleeping bag.” 

You went to the kitchen and started grabbing things you’d already preserved. Jerky, dried fruit, some seeds. Most of the canteens in the house were full and you grabbed a few. You grabbed the pistol, the shot gun and the rifles. You set it all out on the table and looked over to your daughter who was obediently filling her pack. 

“Leave room for this,” you said, taking your rifle from the pile. “Meet me by the horses as quick as you can. Turn out the lantern on your way.” 

She just nodded. You sprinted for the cabin you’d turned into a stable. Nike was huffed at your arrival and you grabbed her tack and saddled her up as quickly as you could, making sure there was room to add basic supplies. Savvy ran into the pen just as you led Nike and Perseus into the middle of it. 

“Long guns,” you held your hand out as you tightened down straps of the saddle. She handed you the shotgun first and you tucked it into a strap on the saddle. The rifle came next. You stepped back and looked at it for a moment. 

“OK,” you said turning back to your daughter, looking her over. She’d gotten so tall, she was only a few inches shorter than you now, you didn’t even need to stoop to press a kiss to her forehead. “Want you to head north, understand?” 

“What are you talking about?” She asked as you took her arm and guided her alongside the horse. “Mom, you’re coming with me, I’ll just follow you, I’ll just…” 

“I’ll get to you when I can,” you said. She shook her head, her eyes wide. 

“No,” she grabbed your arms. “No, you can’t, you can’t just leave me, you can’t…” 

“I’m not leaving you,” you held her face in your hands, looked into her eyes. She had her father’s eyes. “I’m not, OK? I will find you. I will always find you, sweet girl, I will always protect you. That’s what I’m going to do, OK? I’m going to buy you time. Cut north, stick to the woods, off the trails. You know things here. Go out of the way, work your way around the long way to the library. Meet me there in three days, it should be safe…” 

“Three days?” She gaped at you. “No, I can’t…” 

“Yes you can,” you said, firm enough that you believed it, too. “Yes you can. I’ve taught you everything I know, you can make it. It’s just three days, you’ll be OK. You’re so strong and you’re so smart, you’re going to be OK. I will always find you. I will always protect you, I will always keep you safe. I promise.” 

You pulled her tight to you and kissed her temple. 

“I love you,” you breathed, pulling back to look at her face. “More than anything, I love you. I’ll see you soon, OK? Ride through the night, switch horses at dawn and keep riding until tomorrow night. You can do this.” 

“I can do this,” she repeated. “I can do this.” 

You looked to the dog at your feet, her tail wagging and her muzzle bloody. 

“Gattling,” you said. Her ears perked up. “Savvy.” 

She immediately went to your daughter’s side, ready to protect her. 

You boosted Savvy onto the horse, taking a final look at her. 

“Just three days, right Mom?” 

You swallowed, hard, before nodding. 

“Just three days. Be safe. Be smart. I’ll see you soon.” 

You didn’t have the luxury of watching her ride away. The second her, Nike and Perseus were clear of the paddock, you ran to saddle up Hercules. 

You needed to buy her time. 

October 13, 2023

You were still paying for your escape. 

It was hard to keep track of time. You were with Mitchum and his crew about two weeks the first time. That’s what it felt like, anyway. You were pretty sure it had been about half as long since they got you back. It was hard to tell. You were so panicked, in so much pain that time stretched and expanded and every hour that passed was an hour that you were separated from your daughter and you needed to get to her, you had to. She was just 11 years old and the world was not kind to girls. You’d taught her everything you knew but you had to get back to her, you didn’t want her to have to hurt and kill. 

When you’d escaped, you’d done nothing but search for her. You went to the library, tried to track where you thought she’d have come from but it had been weeks. There was no trail left to follow. You were about to return to your cabin to check there when Mitchum’s men found you again. You still had no idea where Savvy was.

You’d promised to take care of her. You’d promised her, you’d promised the woman who had given her to you a decade earlier. You’d promised. 

You had to get back to her. 

They’d chained you to a wall this time but you thought you might be able to pull the bolt out of the wood if you worked at it diligently enough. You pried at it until your nails were bloody and you kept going. You were covered in blood already, anyway. It was sticky on your skin where it had flowed from the cut on your head where your face had been slammed into the floor as one of Mitchum’s men had taken you from behind while you were on your knees. It had been a steady drip from inside of you since the first time Mitchum forced himself on you when you were brought back, whatever injury there was not given time to heal. The raiders seemed to like it when you bled on them. It even coated part of your arm where one man had cut you when trying to control you, not happy with your lack of compliance as he hurt you. A little more as you tried to pry yourself free wasn’t going to draw attention. 

The door slammed into the wall without warning and you jumped, shocking back from the wall. The man standing there smirked, stalking over to you. 

“Getting ideas are we?” He sneered. He didn’t wait for a response. “Thought you’d have learned your fuckin’ lesson last time…” 

He pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked the cuff that held you before pulling you roughly to your feet. He didn’t give you any clothes, he just pulled you, naked, out to the circle of men around a campfire. Your heart sped up, tried to count them. You weren’t sure you could survive being at the mercy of the more than two dozen who were here, not at one time. He threw you into the dirt and you caught yourself on your hands and knees. 

“Here’s my favorite little bitch,” Mitchum stalked forward. You sat back on your heels and crossed your arms over your chest, trying to protect what you could. “How have you liked being back home? We keepin’ you entertained?” 

A few of the men laughed. You swallowed and peered around, hoping for something you could take advantage of, just one open space, one unguarded moment and you could escape. For good this time. You could do that, you could escape and figure out where you were and then find Savvy. 

“Figured out what you were hidin’ back in that homestead of yours,” Mitchum said, a smirk on his voice. You looked at him, eyes wide. Your stomach dropped and he laughed. “Didn’t think you’d like that. Can see why you were workin’ so hard now, she sure was a pretty little thing.” 

“Fuck you,” you spat. 

He laughed. 

“That can be arranged,” he said. “Fucked that girl of yours, too. Broke her in real good…” 

You were on your feet before you fully realized what you were doing, running for him. You grabbed at his face, snarling and grasping as you sank your bloody nails into his skin. You dug deep and he punched you in the stomach as one of his men pulled you back, forcing you to the ground. 

“I’ll kill you!” You shrieked. “I’ll fucking kill you!” 

He stalked forward and punched you across the face before grabbing a fistful of your hair, forcing you to look at him. You felt blood on your teeth and you wished it was his. You wanted to rip his throat out like an animal, wanted to claw and bite at him until he succumbed. 

“I wanted to keep the both of you,” he said, holding your hair tight in his fist, fingers against your scalp. “Figured you’d be a lot more fun with her life on the line. Too bad she couldn’t take it.” 

The world tilted on its axis. You hadn’t eaten in days but you still felt like you were going to be sick, like everything inside of you, the blood and the viscera that made you a living being, was going to come up. 

“Oh yeah,” he smirked. “Should’ve probably been more careful with her but it was just so much fun to hear her beg for her mama…” 

“You’re a liar,” you hissed through clenched teeth. “A fucking liar!” 

He kept his eyes on you and he whistled before forcing you to look at the fire. Two men stepped forward, each carrying burlap sacks. One was much larger than the other. 

“Show ‘er.” 

The first man, the one with the large bag, turned it over. A horse head fell out of the sack, landing on the dirt with a wet thud. It took you a second to recognize her, separate from her body, but it was Nike. You screamed, the sound clawing its way up from your chest and you instinctively reached for her only to have Mitchum rip you back by your hair. 

“Wanna see what’s in the other bag?” He pressed his mouth against your ear as you sobbed. “Decided to keep her head, thought I should pass it around, see if it’s as good cold…” 

You strained in his hold, trying to shake your head. You couldn’t get yourself to form words. There was the distinct feeling that someone was cracking you open, prying apart your chest and pulling your organs out one by one. They didn’t belong to you anymore. You weren’t sure they ever really had, they were hers and she was gone.

You couldn’t see her like that, see just her head, like she had only ever been parts and pieces to begin with.  

“Please,” you managed through the gasping, racking sobs. “Please, please, no, I’ll do whatever you want, whatever…” 

Mitchum smiled. 

“Good.” 

The pain of the brand barely registered in your mind, even as your body jerked with it. Everything seemed dulled and numbed. Time slowed and stretched and, for a while, the only thing that your body seemed to have space for was the agonizing pain of losing something you were never built to lose. 

It was a year before there was room for anything else. 

Early April, 2027 

“Bambi…” 

“Move, Joel.” 

You shoved past him. You’d need a sleeping bag, two sleeping bags, actually. An extra pair of boots, she probably didn’t have those. She’d have out grown the last ones she had, she would be 14 now, she’d be even taller, have bigger feet, longer legs. They didn’t give you clothes when you were with them, you doubted it was different for her. 

First aid, that you’d need. 

“You can’t do this, Baby,” he was following close behind you. 

“Yes, I can.” 

“You’re gonna get yourself fucking killed,” there was a strain in his voice. “Who knows what you’ll be walking into out there, how many there’ll be, how armed they’ll fuckin’ be, what they’ll do to you if they get your hands on you…” 

“I have to try.” 

You didn’t have a gun here. You’d have to get one, you were pretty sure Maria would give you one if you told her why you needed it. 

“Just…” Joel sounded desperate. “Just wait, until after the storm, just wait, I’ll go with you, we’ll look, we’ll…” 

“It’ll be too late,” you shook your head. “Someone got out, as soon as the weather clears they’re gonna move and we’ll lose them, it has to be now.” 

“Have you seen how shit’s pickin’ up out there?” He came around in front of you, taking you by the shoulders. “Baby, the wind is gonna knock you off your damn horse, you can’t help her if you’re dead, please, I’m begging you, please…” 

“What would you do?” You asked. “If it was Sarah, if it was Ellie. Would you sit here and wait? Or would you go get her?” 

He froze, looking at you. 

Your knife. You’d need your knife. You went to get it but Joel stopped you, his hand on your elbow. 

“Bambi,” he said quietly. “You can’t know that it’s her.” 

“It could be,” you said. “Joel…” 

“It’s been years,” he whispered. “Baby, it’s been years, there’s… I’m so sorry but she’s… They wouldn’t have let her live this long, she couldn’t have survived this long, she’s gone, I’m so sorry…” 

You shook your head. You had that feeling again, like the one you had that day around the fire when Mitchum had told you he’d killed her, the feeling that your whole self was being ripped apart. 

But you’d never seen that she was gone. You never held her body, never saw the life leave her eyes. You didn’t know that she was gone. She could be alive. She could. 

“You don’t know that,” you said, your voice thick. “You don’t…” 

“You barley survived,” he said softly. “You, the strongest fucking person I know and you damn near died. A teenager couldn’t have survived that, Baby, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry and…” 

“No,” you snapped, swallowing back your tears. “You don’t know, you don’t know them like I do…” 

“I do,” he cut you off. “Sweetheart, I am begging you, stay here. Please. Don’t get yourself killed, if it’s her we will find her as soon as it’s safe…” 

“You don’t know!” You pushed him back. He was costing you time, time you didn’t have. Savvy was out there, she was out there alone and afraid and you were going to find her. “Let me go, Joel. I know them, you don’t understand them, you can’t understand them…” 

“I understand them because I used to be one of them!” 

You froze. He was watching you, his eyes wide and desperate as he panted for breath. Your heart was pounding, there was a high pitched whine in your ears, something like a siren or when you first came to Jackson and could hear the electricity in the walls. 

“What?” You whispered, suddenly keenly aware of how close he was to you, of his hand on you. You could feel the outline of his fingers, each individual callus distinct against your skin. 

“I used to be one,” he said softly. “A… a raider, I used to be one. It was a long time ago but I know how they think, I know how they operate and… I’m sorry but if they’ve had her for three and a half years? She’s gone, Sweetheart. There’s nothing left for you to save…” 

You thought Joel was still talking but you couldn’t hear him. It was like you’d just jumped into deep water, the cold of it shocking and painful and the rush of it drowning out everything you knew. You couldn’t hear, couldn’t breathe, could barely see. 

Joel. Your Joel, the person you trusted more than any other, was a raider. He was like them, like the men who had torn you away from your daughter, who had raped you, who had tortured you, who now might be doing the same to your child right now and Joel knew them because he was like them because he had done those things, too. 

“Don’t touch me.” 

You were suddenly in your body again, out of that deep dark water and back in your house. Joel’s hands were on you and it was like they were on fire, you could feel it through your skin into your muscle, your bone, down into the marrow of you it hurt where his hands were on you. 

“Baby,” he said gently and you forced yourself to look at his face. You couldn’t breathe. You’d kissed him, told him things you’d never told anyone, all but begged him to touch you and he was just like them. 

“Don’t touch me!” You screamed it and he ripped his hands away like you’d burned him. You could breathe again and gulped in air, reaching for the back of your couch. You needed something to keep you standing, you felt like you were going to collapse or throw up. Joel’s hands were up, like he was waiting to catch you if you fell. “Don’t touch me, don’t you fucking touch me!” 

“You’re OK,” he said, keeping his hands off of you but stepping closer. “I’ve got you, you’re OK…” 

“Get away from me!” You backed away from him, looking for the best way out of here. You had to get away from him, he wasn’t safe, he was just like them and you had to get away from him, you couldn’t be anywhere near him. “Get away!” 

You said it again and again and again and you kept backing away from him until you were pressed against the wall. Joel stayed where he was and, when you were able to look at him again, it looked like he was in pain. 

“I’m away,” he said softly, his hands up. “Not gonna touch you, Sweetheart…” 

“Don’t call me that,” you were sobbing and you weren’t sure when you’d started. 

“What?” He whispered. 

“Don’t fucking call me that!” You bit out, staying back against the wall. He was so big, he could overpower you, he could hurt you, it would be easy for him. “Don’t call me that, not when you’re like them, you’re just like them, I trusted you and you’re just like them…” 

“No,” he shook his head, voice thick. He closed the gap between you quickly and you shocked back from him but he didn’t seem to notice, taking you in his arms and clutching onto you. But his touch made your skin crawl, everywhere his body was against your own screaming in panic. “No, not like that, I never… I never did what they did to you, Sweetheart, please, you have to believe me, I never did that, never. I just…” 

“I trusted you!” You sobbed, your legs collapsing from beneath you. Joel clung to you, keeping you from falling to the floor, but you hated his hands on you, suddenly feeling like hands you’d hated so much. You twisted and fought to get away but he just held onto you. “I trusted you, you made me love you, I let you inside of me and you’re like them, you’re just like them…” 

“I’m sorry, Baby,” his voice was thick and wet. “I’m so sorry, I wish I could take it back, wish I could change it…” 

You managed to firmly plant your feet on the ground and you shoved against his broad, firm chest, desperate for distance from him. 

“Don’t fucking touch me!” 

He let you go and you scrambled back from him, fighting to breathe. He was looking at you, tears in his eyes. 

“Baby, please,” he whispered. “Please just… let me take care of you, I understand what…” 

“I don’t want anything to do with you,” your voice shook. 

“Bambi…” 

“Get out,” you managed. 

He said your name. Your real name. 

“Get out!” You screamed, so loud and harsh you felt it ripping out of you. “Get out of here, get away from me, get out!” 

“I’ll go!” He kept his hands up. “Just gotta promise me…” 

“I don’t gotta do shit for you,” you shook your head. 

“Promise me you won’t do anything that will get you hurt,” he said softly, He was crying, too. “Please, I’m begging you, I’ll do whatever you want just promise….” 

“I won’t, now get out!” You yelled. “Get out, get away from me!” 

“I’m going,” he said quickly. “Please… Please, be safe, please.” 

You watched as he made his way to your door but he stopped and looked back at you. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “For… for all of it, I’m so sorry.” 

He closed the door behind him and you collapsed to the ground and sobbed, clutching onto yourself like it was going to keep your body intact but it still felt like you were going to shatter into a million pieces and there would be no one to help put you together again. 

You weren’t sure how long you were there on the floor but, eventually, you were able to make yourself move again. 

You thought of Savvy, of your daughter, of where she might be, of how you’d promised to keep her safe. You got up off the floor, body numb, and grabbed your pack before going out into the snow. 

Next Chapter

A/N: Alright, yell at me. I'm ready for it.

There's a lot in this chapter, I know. It's long, it's rough, it's been coming for a while. We first got a hint of Savvy in chapter 4 when Bambi thought about Joel's possible relationship to Ellie and she's been hinted at regularly since. She's why Bambi knew to use ginger to help William's teething, she's why Bambi was specifically grateful to have another adult around when Marisa showed up, she's why Bambi keeps searching every time there's even a hint of raider activity.

And after everything she's been through, she can't just blindly accept Joel's past, that's way WAY too much for anyone who's survived what she has to bear.

I hope this didn't come completely out of the blue and I hope you're still up for reading more of this story. I hope it'll be worth it in the end. I think it will be.

Thank you for being here. This is a story that I feel like deserves to be told, even the dark parts of it, and I'm so thankful you're along for the ride. Love you ❤️

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