#you gotta wassail well...

[unproduciblesmackdown]

=)

[kcrossvine-art]

Hi friends! Just a day after this years Yule and a few days out from Christmas, regardless of what you celebrate during this winter months, we're gonna be cooking a tangy tango between two traditional english staples-

Yule Plum Pudding and Wassail from Lord of the Rings Online!

(You can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to this Yule Plum Pudding?” YOU MAY ASKPlum Pudding is not a "pudding" as us americans think of it; its closer to a fruitcake but less shit.

Cranberries

White raisins

Macerated prunes (in brandy)

Chopped candied peel

Blanched almonds

All-purpose flour

Cinnamon

Nutmeg

Cloves

Sugar

Breadcrumbs

Lemon zest

Unsalted butter

Eggs

Whole milk

Half a bottle of brandy

It also doesnt contain any capital-P plums! it actually does contain plums im so fucking stupid i never connected the dots that prunes were dried plums oh my god. But they still ued any dried fruit, and "Plum" here is just referring to any dried fruit. And what about the birth of todays wassail?

4 cooking apples

2 pears

Brown sugar

Cinnamon sticks

2 lemons

A bottle of sherry

The other half bottle of brandy

Wassail is very similar to apple cider drank in the fall, with a few differences like the addition of pears and different alcohol source. It was commonly drank while "wassailing" which was a Yuletide predecessor to christmas carolling. People would go door-to-door with a big bowl of wassail, play music, and give well wishes- offering drinks from the wassail in return for small gifts!

AND, “what does Yule Plum Pudding and Wassail taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

The puddings like a fruitcake but if a fruit cake tasted good and wasnt a brick

Its thick and rich, and somehow actually tastes like plum despite that not being intended or making sense

I love the macerated prunes so much. Juicy berries to forage for. Enrichment

The icings reminiscent of buttercream but more savory than sweet

The wassail is like drinking the golden edges off the clouds at sunset

Its got a little bit of the dryness from the sherry that makes your mouth water the moment you stop drinking it

You just want to keep drinking more to sate yourself

Even without eggs its surprisingly full bodied and thick

I had to make a few substitutions from traditional elements due to either being not available or too expensive, but with a little problem-solving nothing was too hard to do.

. Used a bundt cake pan instead of a pudding tin .  Suet (animal fat) was historically used for plum pudding. I couldnt find any and used butter instead . Used golden delicious apples when called for . Used concorde pears when called for . Some wassail recipes fold in egg whites before serving, to make the drink creamier. I didnt do this, but if you do, the recommendation to drink it fresh still stands (and strongly)

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I gotta admit, I was nervous approaching this recipe. Not only because I didn't own and couldnt find a "pudding tin" without ordering online, or because the concept of steaming a pastry(?) feels foreign and odd, but also because of how old and storied this dish is. You always run into the issue with historical foods who date back to the times where oral history was the only history. The issue of people being combative that their recipe is the only true variant of the recipe, and all the others are mucking the whole thing up.

Its good to remember that like with most dishes, cooking is something that evolved and continues to evolve overtime. Unless someones trying to rewrite history and claim that ants on a log is a creme brule in which case you should run them over with a '98 Pontiac Sunfire.

Theres a few things I'd do differently when cooking again, like chopping the blanched almonds. They were a bit too big when left whole. And adding some amount of heavy cream to the icing? Maybe? To give it a fluffier/milkier feel? But the proces of cooking itself was very straightforward and I have no real complaints or modifications to make. When having leftovers of the pudding it did seem to "mature" and taste better and better the more days i kept it in the fridge, so thats something to keep in mind! But it tastes great a day after all the same.

I give this recipe a solid 10/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) Happy winter everyone! Congrats to another year of staying alive!

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Yule Plum Pudding Ingredients:

16oz cranberries

12oz white raisins

9oz macerated prunes

4oz chopped candied peel (any fruit)

2oz blanched, chopped almonds

4oz all-purpose flour

Measure spices with your heart (cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves)

8oz granulated sugar

8oz fresh white breadcrumbs

lemon zest (one lemon)

4oz grated unsalted butter

4 eggs

8oz whole milk

Pudding Icing Ingredients:

1½oz unsalted butter

1½oz all-purpose flour

10½oz whole milk

3oz granulated sugar

2 tablespoons brandy

Yule Plum Pudding Method:

A week before making, macerate your prunes in brandy.

Mix together all the dried fruit, peel, and almonds. Sieve flour and spices together then add to the fruit mixture along with the sugar, breadcrumbs, rind, and grated butter.

Beat eggs and then blend with 8oz of milk.

Stir the egg/milk mixture to incorporate into the dry ingredients. Add prunes, and stir some more.

Put batter into a well-buttered pudding basin, with parchment paper to cover.

Get a large pot and place a kitchen towel or something similar at the bottom- then place the pudding basin on top of the towel, inside the large pot.

Fill the outer pot with water until it’s halfway up the side, cover the pot with a lid (or foil).

Steam on the stovetop at 210f for 4-6 hours depending on size of pudding basin. If the water gets too low, add a bit more.

After steaming, uncover and allow to cool to room temperature. Do not remove it from the pudding basin! Cover with fresh parchment paper and foil and store in a cool, dry place for at least a day.

(optional) to reheat; steam for 40-80 minutes, until warmed through.

Pudding Icing Method:

Place butter in a medium saucepan with the flour, pour in the milk then whisk everything vigorously together over a medium heat.

As soon as it comes to simmering point and has thickened, turn the heat to its lowest setting, stir in the sugar, and let the sauce cook for 10 minutes.

Add the brandy and stir to mix. Keep warm until required.

Wassail Ingredients:

4 cooking apples

2 pears

Brown sugar

4 Cinammon sticks

2 lemon

1 bottle of Sherry

½ bottle of Brandy

Wassail Method:

Core the apples and pears, leave the rest intact, and set in a baking pan. Fill the hollow centers with brown sugar.

Add about an inch of water to the pan and bake at 350f for 30 minutes, or until the fruit is soft.

Move the fruit to a large pot, add a bottle of sherry, half a bottle of brandy, lemon peel, and 4 large cinnamon sticks. (Feel free to use less booze!)

Bring the pot to a simmer for about 45 minutes, stirring occasionally. Strain before serving!

[chronotsr]

Pre-G1 Modules, part 4...A - The Judge's Guild Roundup

Part 4a? This is one of those projects that keeps ballooning in scope forever.

Again, keeping with the theme of "trying to not get too historical", Judge's Guild was a group formed by Bob Bledsaw and Bill Owen to release DM aids, in part because then-TSR didn't think it was a viable market. Note that this is Bob Bledsaw Sr., the guy responsible for the nazi incident at Judge's Guild a few years ago was Bob Bledsaw Jr. Anyway, JG was responsible for a lot of materials ranging from setting materials, adventure modules. A lot of luminaries ultimately come from JG, including recently passed legend Jennell Jacquays, so they're a very worthwhile topic to review. I will not talk everything they put out between 1976 and G1 because I'm already planning on touching on (edit: 3 of 6) items today, so we will focus only on their for-sale, non-serial modules.

City-State of the Invincible Overlord (1977)

This is stretching the definition of module -- it's more of a setting book. CSIO is a setting supplement for, yeah, a city state of an invincible overlord. I hope you like maaaaaaaaaaaaaps! Essentially, an overlord stays above and aloof to the factional struggles of the people beneath him, roman emperor-style, and details out a bunch of characters and places within a city. It's, actually pretty good, I think a modern revision of CSIO would probably be pretty fun to play in, especially if you omitted a lot of 1970s gunk (like the frequency of slavery). It has this nice quality where it's much more brief per-location than modern city sourcebooks, but has many many varieties of the same concept. You might want a tavern, and there are so many to choose from. Here's a random assortment of buildings you can find in this book:

A park of sexy statues with a pleasure cult hiding in the rush

A 'fear shop' where the owner will go to ridiculous lengths to scare you

A GILF brothel

The tavern that Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser always go to

A siege engineer you can bribe for promotions

The map is almost, too comprehensive. I'm not sure what % of buildings are described but it's gotta be close to 20%, which is REALLY HIGH by ttrpg city standards. I'd guess that Green Ronin's Freeport is maybe 1% described. The book also has the traditional regulars of a city book (laws, sewer maps, factions) as well as the admittedly novel idea of a full advertising system to acquire hirelings. It, probably didn't merit a full page, but the idea of caring this much about where precisely those hirelings is coming from is kinda novel.

Regardless, this is an adventure module review blog, not a city review blog, so we have done our due diligence and may now proceed.

Tegel Manor (1977)

Oh boy, it's a megadungeon. Here we go. So despite that ominous cover, it's only 30 pages, so it could be worse. The essential schtick of the adventure is that there's a destitute (by noble standards) paladin who owns the deed to an extremely haunted mansion and is desperately trying to pawn the problem off on someone else. You can bully him into helping, but he's a complete coward.

The house is magically fireproofed because adventurers are just like that. A good sign, I think? Surely this won't be a tedious monster closet festival? We have a pretty standard rundown of a town and,

That's one of the most unfortunate names I've ever seen. If I was a dwarf named Cretin Nodcock, I feel like I would also not give a damn about my appearance. Or maybe work on a name change. This adventure really lavishes in its old timey words, we have a paladin described as "poltroonerous" (cowardly), a passing mention of "white wassail" (a mulled white wine), et c. Relatively little is given about the surrounding town and countryside, just enough to get us into the manor asap.

The first floor is a greatest hits of a haunted house. Animated knives, disappearing ghosts, screaming, the walls ooze GREEN SLIME, et c. Here's the stuff (across this entire dungeon) that isn't rote:

A creaky floor that gets so loud that it stuns elves' sensitive hearing while a wall crusher goes off

An animated yellow mold that looks like a sleeping woman

An animated painting of a battle that shoots arrows outward randomly

An animated painting that paints the party, and if it succeeds the party is petrified

Rust monster on flying bed action

A room of opaque gas-filled tubes that contain a variety of people, monsters, objects in animation. I bet the elf lord would have some nice things for their rescuer.

The level of haunting really goes down and it just becomes an assemblage of roughly halloween monsters in increasingly ridiculous patterns. If I was running this, I'd probably shrink the manor down into a greatest hits version of these rooms, because this is a SPRAWLING manor and it's room after room of "there is a wolf, there is a wight, there is a moldering desk". When you think of Gygax going "why would anyone want to buy a module?", this is sticking in my mind. It's not "Dwarven Glory" bland but it IS a never-ending gauntlet of monsters punctuated by silly rooms.

A rare luxury after all the room-by-room shit. Just some good ol' fashioned silliness.

Inexplicably under the house is a further dungeon-dungeon, which is mostly rat tunnels. Happily some of these maps feature little blank lines to mark your revisions from the official map, which is a nice little conceit.

I am always, always, always happy to have a new riddle to throw at my party, although I'm not so good at riddling myself.

Curiously, lich is spelled with an e at the end here, I have no idea how normal this was at the time.

Like most GMs, I have a crippling addiction to random tables for miscellaneous crap. This is a really hard to parse table but I believe how it works is:

Roll a d12 to determine what the statue does from the first list of results

Follow that result vertically down to the array of concepts

Roll a d8 and pick from that vertical list of results So for example, I rolled d12=5; d8=8. I go to 5 in the first list (Advises), follow it down vertically to the third column of results (the one that starts with Location), and index down to 8 (Directions). My magic statue advises directions to the party. What a nice guy! This table bothers me so bad that I rejiggered it real quickly in excel, because with the benefit of widescreen monitors it's pretty easy to fix:

Tegal Manor wraps with some extra resurrection rules, in case you needed more realism in your magical revivification. I think I prefer it just working, thanks.

Modron (1977)

There's honestly a stunning lack of underwater content in RPGs, I think. Underwater is such a magical location, both experientially and in mythology. One of these days I will set an adventure in one of those sets from the old 1986 Journey to the West TV show, the underwater sea dragon palace ones? They're so fucking cool. Everything is better with underwater dragon palaces.

Right. Modron. Focus.

Modron is another one of those "straddling the line between module and setting book" situations, only much smaller than CSIO. The art all looks like Prince Valliant, which by that sentence alone either means you're going to love or hate it (I hate it). Our titular Modron is a goddess, but also a temple, but also a port town. We will deal with these in order.

Goddess Modron is a river goddess who was worshipped by the town and the temple. She is implied to be, kind of like wonder woman in a weird way? She has to exist underwater, or she dies in 6 rounds (so 6 minutes), which is pretty fucking lame but I too know the struggle of dry skin. She's a fertility goddess (who isn't) and she does d20 years of damage when she lovetaps you. Tragically, she is no longer worshipped in favor of Mitra. COWARDS! LOVE YOUR RIVER/SEA GODDESSES.

Modron's Temple is very, very briefly explained. Essentially, only the oldest people in town know how to find it, via the cellar of the tavern. It's completely underwater, and a lot of mermen hang out there. The head priestess can drain your water! Google says that one love tap would exhaust you, two would probably kill you, and three would definitely kill you. It's implied in this section that a JttW-style Triton Coral Kingdom is, in fact, hanging out off the shoreline somewhere.

Town Modron is your standard raided port town. There was once two gods worshiped here, then it got messed up by raiders and ECONOMICS and some light civil war. It's okay, ya boi Invincible Overlord is sending you a bailout, making him a better autocrat than most living politicians. Apparently they have a pet seamonster who serves the overlord directly? Awesome! We need more pet kaiju in the world.

The actual area-by-area is pretty blasé. The local rulers are varyingly competent (the king is competent but a huge sex pest), there's a guy who takes you on guided tours to, anywhere in the multiverse? Somehow the blacksmith has figured out how to rustproof armor, which will really piss off your rust monsters. The book makes a point to say that the jailor is a particular bastard, so Judge's Guild says ACAB? Unlikely but a very funny concept.

Tragically, we end our adventure without a map of the palace, the temple, the other temple, or anything. I don't believe this is the first supplement to contain Mitra as JG's most famous god (well, Mitra is a real-life god anyhow), but this is certainly the first adventure-ish module to feature him. Dark Tower is quite a ways away!

A poison coral table is, one of those things you would only ever see in early DND. That is so unbelievably specific. The book ends with many such cases, there's a pearl randomizer that doesn't include any fun magic effects or anything, merely linking to Supplement II. Boo!

So originally when writing this, I had intended that part 4 be a whole unit, but then I realized that I was going to have to include these semi-adventures in the roundup. So to my great shame, we will continue this later.

[tipsycad147]

Yule Recipes and Activities, Yule Part 3

Yule is almost upon us! And with every holiday, you’re probably trying to figure out what exactly you still need to make this a wonderful day. So I’ve pulled together some yule recipes and activities for every person, witchy or not.

Yule

It’s also a time for feasting and merriment with friends and family, rest and rebirth as spring approaches and a time to plan for the coming year.

With all the feasting and merriment, you gotta have food of course!

So I’ve gathered a list of foods and activities you can use to celebrate Yule. You can find links to all of these and more on our Yule Pinterest Board. (Find that here)

Yule Recipes Ideas

As with all of the Wiccan Sabbats, you can make whatever works best for you! Some people prefer to stick to more “traditional” fare, while others embrace new foods and traditions. Do what works best for you. I will make up a small list of more luxurious and fancy food items you could try as well if you want to splurge.(although a freezer pizza and fries can be just as delicious and much cheaper…lol)

Traditional Yule Recipes

Boar(or in this case ham)

Wassail

If you’ve ever heard the song “Here we got a-waissailing” then you’ve been introduced to this winter drink. Both the Fall and Winter Festivals feature wassail, which is known for its spicy and sweet flavors. A hot cider filled with heady spices and a variety of fruit juices, it’ll be sure to put you into a Yuletide Cheer.

Eggnog

You either love it or you hate it. Eggnog dates back to the Medieval times and is a holiday favorite for many people. Make yours from scratch or buy it from the store, however you choose to enjoy it best for you.

Buche de Noel(or Yule Log)

Rum Cake

Another dessert( and another drink, seeing a theme yet?) Hot buttered rum and rum cakes are a festive part of the festivities. Just be careful how much you add to the cake!

Fresh Bread

Baking bread is a common activity and dish featured during each of the holidays.And who can blame them, fresh bread is delicious! This Yule, try making a Sun Loaf or a Sun Wheel bread. Yumm!

Fancy Dish Recipes for Yule

These meals are just as yummy for Yule but can be a touch more decadent. If you’ve got the time and funds to spare then go for it!

Surf and Turf

Yumm. A nice slab of beef and a variety of seafood including shrimp, scallops or crab are a delicious meal idea.

Prime Rib

Make your Pork dish a beef dish instead. Prime rib is a delicious meal idea.(and keeps you from having to have turkey for the 2nd month in a row)

Goose

Have you ever watched or read “A Christmas Carol”? Several English Christmas stories talk about the Christmas goose hanging up in the window of the local butcher shop. Goose isn’t as common now when we have turkey and chicken available in grocery stores but it sounds like it could be a delicious change. Check your local farms for the best goose to cook.

Italian Seafood Soup

Seafood is not cheap! But it so good…(sorry if you have seafood allergies. ) Cioppino is a tomato based seafood soup and it sounds delicious. If you’re not Italian, maybe try it anyways? Trying new traditions and cultures can be a wonderful( and yummy) thing!

Other Yule Recipe Ideas

Hot Toddy

Hot Cocoa(classic!)

Tomato Bisque

Sun King Soup

Plum Pudding

Baked Spaghetti Squash

Sunrise Skillet Recipe

Peppermint Fudge(or any fudge really)

Feel free to mix and match your favorite recipes. Yule and the most of the Fall/Winter Holidays focus on hearty meat based soups and meals, breads and root veggies. SO customize to your hearts content! (Don’t forget to check our Pinterest board for all the recipe links)

Yule Activities

Yule Crafts and Activities

Orange Pomander

Dried Orange Slices/Garland

Decorate jars with tissue paper and leaves

Candle Making

Make an outdoor solstice spot

Give Gifts

Make a bird feeder

Feast

Write down goals/intentions

Paper lanterns for kids

Julbuck(made with straw(traditional) or yarn)

Sledding

Snowman

Sleigh ride

Ice-skating

Ice luminaries

Snowball lantern

Yule/Winter Solstice books

Celebrating the Shortest day by Wendy Pfeffer

The Winter Solstice by Ellen Jackson

The Return of the Light by Carolyn Edwards

Sun Bread by Elisa Kleven

The Solstice Badger by Robin Mcfadden

The Mitten by Jan Brett

One Short Day in December by Lilith Rogers

Iliana by Walter Fordham

The Sunchildren by Ancient Amber

Sleep Tight Farm by Eugenie Doyle

Yule-Tide Cheer to All!

What do you think of all these fun activities for Yule? Do you have your own traditions to add to the list? Which activity or Yule recipes are your favorite?

If you are new here make sure to check out all of our other blog posts over on the Blog Page. For Holiday related products and gifts check out the Shop. And don’t forget to follow us on Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram for farm photos, trivia, shop updates and more!

[mypoisonedvine]

First Chanukah Together (Night 3) | Ari Levinson x reader

you don’t have to read the other nights to keep up with the ‘plot’ (or lack thereof) but just in case here are night 1 and night 2!

summary: ari takes you ice skating and you both enjoy the sights and sounds of the season.  perhaps a little too much.

word count: 1.2k

warnings: some flirting and teasing, technically implied smut?, and the most subtle, gentle reference to power dynamics but nothing too spicy, mainly just fluff.  possible alcohol reference since wassail is sometimes served with alcohol?

a/n: this is not important to the story at all but I imagine Ari’s winter outfit as Ransom’s infamous cable-knit sweater, brown coat and colorful scarf.  idk why but the idea of soft baby Ari dressed like that gets me all kinds of excited lmao

“I’m gonna fall!” you screamed as you swung your arms wildly to try to keep your balance.  

“No you’re not,” he encouraged as he kept his arms out to catch you, “I’m right here, you’ll be fine.”

Turns out balancing on two thin blades on a hard, cold surface of ice is really hard.  Ari was a good teacher, and unendingly patient, but you were still beyond terrified.  Stealing a glance at the girl skating past you, it was hard not to be jealous of her speed, her control, the quick little jump and spin she did as if it were nothing.  She looked so at home on the ice— and so did Ari, who looked way too good with that brown coat and brightly-patterned scarf, the one you’d gotten for him for his birthday a while back.  If there had ever been a time you wished you could grow your own beard, it would be now, because it looked like it kept his smile real warm.  You’d have to settle for snuggling up to his for the time being, though.

“Come on, just skate over to me,” he waved you forward as he started to move back.  Annoyingly, he continued moving back as you hesitantly pushed forward.

“Stop moving!” you whined.  “You keep getting further away!”

“Just keep going, you’re doing great,” he assured.  You weren’t sure that was true, considering how wobbly your legs were the whole time.  But, just as you slipped and started to topple, he suddenly appeared and caught you.  He made it seem like your weight was nothing to him, even on ice, and it was so distracting as you braced yourself on his arm.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, finding your balance enough for him to let go of you (although you wished he wouldn’t).

It took you a bit of practice, but eventually you found your footing and managed to skate around the rink a few times.  You still didn’t dare to stray too far from the wall, lest you need to reach out and grab it suddenly, but you did your best.  Ari stayed with you, occasionally grabbing your mitten-wrapped hand and squeezing it.

Once you had found your rhythm, you instantly found your competitive spirit as well, skating faster than him with a raised eyebrow of challenge.  He took you on, only to skip his blades on a chunk of ice and fall.  It didn’t look that bad, which meant you felt mostly comfortable mocking him.

“Oh, what’s this?” you grinned as you looked down at him, his long hair splayed out on the ice as he smiled up at you.  “The student has become the master, it seems.  Gotta watch where you’re skating, champ.”

“Just help me up, will you?” he requested with an extended up.  

“Ari, you’re like 200 pounds.  I can’t help you up normally, let alone when I’m on skates,” you frowned.  “Looks like you’re on your own.”

“Wait!” he called out as you skated away, though he was laughing so you knew it wasn’t that serious.  Besides, he got his chance for revenge just a few minutes later when he caught up to you, grabbing you as he skated past and roughly slammed your body into the wall with his.  The wind was knocked out of you for a brief moment as he smiled down at you, leaning to whisper against your ear.  “Not to be too literal, but you’re cold as ice.”

“Ari,” you giggled breathlessly as he kissed your earlobe, and your jaw, moving lower slowly but surely, “we’re in public… people are looking at us.”  And though it wasn’t a lot, you were right; a few other skaters were definitely giving the two of you funny looks as he held you tighter.

“They were looking when you left your poor boyfriend out on the ice by himself, you didn’t seem to mind.  Can’t have them thinking I’m some kind of pansy getting bossed around by his girl, now can we?”

Generally, Ari was more progressive than most in terms of gender equality in a relationship.  That said, he certainly had his moods where he reminded you just how badly you needed him and how thoroughly you belonged to him; and, in turn, he had his moods where he reminded you that he was totally and completely yours, so it wasn’t unfair.

Fairness was the last thing on your mind, though, as he started to lightly suck on your neck, his beard scratching you in that ticklish and addictive way.

“Ari,” you whined as you pushed him off of you, finally getting through to him, “I’m sorry I left you when you fell, alright?  I’ll make it up to you—”

He raised his eyebrows with a smirk.

“— later.”

He seemed disappointed by the prospect of waiting, yet confident in what his reward would be.  “Hmm, I think I’m gonna get lucky tonight,” he grinned.

“Yeah, we’ll see,” you rolled your eyes, suppressing a smirk of your own.

//

It took a second to readjust to walking on the ground rather than skating on ice, but after that you two were on your way as you strolled through the bustling city, the night brighter than ever with lights on every tree and lamp post.  Ari had said to you a few days ago that he didn’t mind the way the city transformed for Christmas, nor did he feel excluded by it.  He was quick to point out, after all, that the Festival of Lights was perfectly complemented by Christmas lights, even if the intentions were different.  Now that you had heard it from him, you did appreciate the ways that the two overlapped.  A lot of the best things about Chanukah, in your mind, were just the things that made wintertime so great— and Christmas was sort of the same way for a lot of people, too.  

People bundled up in coats, families walking together, shoppers searching for last-minute gifts for their friends, couples holding hands and sharing chaste kisses as their breath fogged in the air.  It was all very Norman Rockwell, and it made you smile as you hugged onto Ari’s arm. 

“Want some cocoa?” he offered as the two of you passed a stall selling hot drinks.  Just as you contemplated that, you noticed that wassail was also on the menu.

“Ooh, wassail!” you piped up.  “Ever had it before?”

“I don’t think so,” he furrowed his brow.  

“Try some, it’s delicious,” you encouraged him.  He shrugged and agreed, ordering a cup of wassail for each of you and forking over some bills and coins to pay the vendor.  It came right from a big steel kettle of the fire, ladled into the cups individually as the amber liquid steamed in the cold.  With a quick thank you to your boyfriend for buying your drink and a mumbled ‘cheers,’ you each took a sip of your drinks.  You smiled as the sweet, spicy flavors poured over your tongue and warmed your chest from the inside out.  

“It’s good,” he announced as he swallowed his first taste, nodding to you approvingly.  “Do you wanna finish this and then head home?”

“You’re just eager for me to make it up to you,” you remembered with a grin.

“Yes, and I bet you’re eager to make it up to me, too,” he countered.

“Yup,” you agreed, chugging the rest of your drink and tossing the empty cup in a bin.  “Let’s go home.”

“Taxi!” Ari yelled as he waved into the street.

[mormonmonastery]

Christmas seems to be mostly about your favorite Holiday Song, Holiday Movie, Holiday food, and lots of consumerism and displays. Do you have some suggestions on how to make it more meaningful? I mean, it doesn't have to be super religious like read Luke 2, although it's fair if you do say that. But in general, how to make this time less about the flair and more about substance?

Good question! There is so much flair involved in the modern celebration of Christmas that it can easily overwhelm any substance that’s left if we let it. Not that I don’t enjoy some of that Christmas flair, but all things in moderation and all. I think you hit on a good point too: a meaningful celebration of Christ’s birth does not have to be a super-religious puritan serious no-fun zone. Here’s what I’ve got:

Reclaim Advent: It’s more than those 25 boxes of cheap candies and knick-knacks! Mormons don’t really do liturgy at all, much less a liturgical year, and I think we could really benefit from taking just a little extra effort to reframe the passage of time as an opportunity for spiritual reflection. For most other Christian churches, Advent starts four Sundays before Christmas Day and is a time to think about what it means for the Son of God to come into our world--not just in a manger in Bethlehem 2000-odd years ago, but into our hearts today and in glory at His second coming in the future. In that sense, Advent has a lot to say about justice, about how God goes about setting things right in the world when we make them go wrong (something that’s very relevant this calendar year!) You don’t have to go all in with traditional Advent stuff--the wreath with candles to light each Sunday, the Christingle, the scripture readings--to think about these gospel ideas, though you certainly can. 

Celebrate with Other Christians: after either 2000 or 500 years, respectively, chances are your local Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant churches have probably picked up at least some worthwhile Christmas traditions that are rooted in the spiritual side of things (or, at the very least, are putting on a choral program or something). This season of shared celebration is a good opportunity for us to reach out and share our joy over one of the most basic tenants of our Christian faith and to develop our understanding of what Christ means to us even further by engaging in dialogue and collaboration. Check in and see what sounds interesting to you! Even if another church’s services or activity ends up not being your thing, it’ll still be fresh!

Find Art That Inspires You: There’s a lot of visual art, music, poetry, and more that engage with the spiritual aspects of Christmas. I like Henry Ossawa Tanner’s depiction of the Annunciation very much as well as the Ariel Poems that T.S. Eliot wrote about figures like Simeon and the Magi.

Share and Give: Christmas is great season to donate or volunteer during, because those actions remind us of why Christ came to Earth--to spread love and justice. If you can’t find the right gift for someone on your list, consider make a contribution to a charity that would be meaningful for them instead of handing them more junk. 

Figure Out What’s Important to You--and Why: if some holiday tradition or obligation or what-not is causing you stress, it’s not worth keeping up and you can feel free to toss it! If you’re not enjoying it or finding fulfillment in it, don’t bother! Ever since I moved away from home last year, Christmases have been more streamlined--there’s less wall-to-wall, quote-unquote “Christmassy” stuff going on when I fly back in--but it’s more meaningful to me because I get to see and spend time with my family (some of whom I haven’t seen in person since March and gosh I’m ready to be back) and participate in all other kinds of homecoming. That’s not a spiritual angle per-say, but it is a meaningful one and it’s gonna be meaningful for me with or without any trappings. Find stuff that can stand on their own like that and build your celebration of Christmas around them instead of stuff you need to do because capitalism or tradition tells you you’ve gotta. 

I hope that helps and that others have some more ideas for you! And, to reiterate, all of the other non-meaning stuff can be good too! My favorite Holiday Song is “With Wondering Awe,” my favorite Holiday Movie is Scrooge with Albert Finney and Sir Alec Guinness, my favorite Holiday food is a crockpot of wassail we always boil up and I put a nice set of Christmas Eve readings together a couple years back, if you’re interested in that.  

Merry Christmas!

[ponyregrets]

100 fic title songs master post part 3

is it sad that I really look forward to these? don’t answer that I don’t need further insight into how sad I am

part one / part two

And Maybe We'll Get Lucky - Modest Mouse : Ocean Breathes Salty

But He Does It So Well - Taylor Swift : Wildest Dreams

when the moon explodes or floats away - Sparklehorse : Sunshine

tsubasa wa nai kedo - Spitz : Sazanami

You Know, We Don't Stand a Chance - Belle and Sebastian : Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying

In the Library of My House I Have a Laugh - Regina Spektor : Riot Gear

Hey You With the Pretty Face, Welcome to the Human Race - ELO - Mr. Blue Sky

The Dice Was Loaded From the Start - Dire Straits : Romeo and Juliet

And I'm Having Some Trouble Just Breathing - Jenny Owen Youngs : Fuck Was I

Nothing But Affection For All Those Who've Sailed With Me - Bob Dylan : Mississippi (these are all weird live versions I just picked one)

If You Wanna Reach Me - Christina Milian : Call Me, Beep Me

The Whole World In His Hands - idk here’s the worst possible version of what is apparently a hymn to use for this

the difference between shooting stars and satellites - Death Cab For Cutie : Passenger Seat

Just a Stranger On the Bus - Joan Osborne : What If God Was One Of Us

The Reason You Fall, The Moment You Fly - October Project : Adam and Eve

I Swear I'm Going to Bite You Hard And Taste Your Tinny Blood - The Weakerthans : Plea From a Cat Named Virtute

That Doesn't Mean We're In Love - The Magnetic Fields : Zebra

Believe Me, There's a Better Frankenstein For You To Bride - Say Hi to Your Mom : The Key of C

Oh How Happy We'll Be - Whoever sang “By the Beautiful Sea” on the Some Like It Hot soundtrack : By the Beautiful Sea

Or Are We Dancer? - The Killers : Human

Just Gotta Get Right Outta Here - Queen : Bohemian Rhapsody

It's Just That It's Delicate - Damien Rice : Delicate

you're a shining star, you'll do great in LA - Nightmare of You : I Want to Be Buried In Your Backyard

The Time It Takes to Get From Here to There - The Weakerthans : Aside

I Run a Tidy Bakery - Jenna Maroney : Muffin Top

When One Falls In, Another Can't Get Out - Nada Surf : I Like What You Say

No Surrender, No Defeat; Why Do I Still See You In Every Mirrored Window;  Help Me With This Barricade  - The Weakerthans : Pamphleteer 

All I Know Is Where You're Going - Mary Epworth : Long Gone

Look How Far We Have Come - Robert Miles : One and One

Even Though It All Went Wrong - Leonard Cohen : Hallelujah

No One Can Lift the Damn Thing - Peter Gabriel : The Book of Love (Magnetic Fields cover)

Would You Freak Out If I Said I Liked You? - Hello Saferide : The Quiz

Be a Good Guitar and You Could Go Far - The Magnetic Fields : Acoustic Guitar

this is ourselves - Queen : Under Pressure

The Bells Are Gonna Chime - My Fair Lady : Get Me to the Church On Time

and dream how wonderful your life will be - Billy Joel : Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel)

A Tunnel From My Window to Yours - Arcade Fire : Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)

What the Hell Is the Catch? - Hamilton : Satisfied

our troubles will be miles away - Rosemary Clooney : Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

The Nature of My Game - The Rolling Stones : Sympathy for the Devil

nitenai bokura wa hosoi ito de tsunagatte iru - Spitz : Yoru o Kakeru

Nightly, Beside the Green, Green Grass - Sixpence None the Richer : Kiss Me

Where the Memories Flicker - John K. Sampson - Virtute at Rest (SAD CAT SONG WARNING)

when the wind is right - The Weakerthans : This Is a Fire Door, Never Leave Open

And It's Clear, You're On Your Way - The New Amsterdams : Hughes

You Bring the Groom - Fiddler on the Roof : Matchmaker

Dog Problems - The Format : Dog Problems

We Can Both Watch X-Files - Bloodhound Gang : The Bad Touch

allow the hope - John K. Sampson : Winter Wheat

Wish On Everything; She's Okay and It's Raining There Again  - The Weakerthans : Exiles Among You

Love and Joy Come to You  - Traditional : Here We Come a Wassailing

But It Feels Alright - Britney Spears : (You Drive Me) Crazy

And I Thought I Was So Smart - Hamilton : Dear Theodosia 

Time's a Gentle Stream (Longer Than It Seems) - Over the Garden Wall : Patient Is the Night

If Someone Said I'd Be So Dumb; The Princess There Is Me - The Magnetic Fields : Long Forgotten Fairytale

Spooky Scary - Tracy Jordan : Werewolf Bar Mitzvah

Just Say Yes - Taylor Swift : Love Story

I Wreck It (You Fixed It!) - Wreck-It Ralph : Wreck-It, Wreck-It Ralph

a socket-set to dismantle this morning - The Weakerthans : My Favorite Chords

You Can Take a Piece of Mine - Catatonia : Road Rage

And Who's to Say That They Won't Sing to Me?; Still We Should Be Prepared to Leave - John K. Sampson : Alpha Adept

There's a Flame, There's a Spark - Say Hi to Your Mom : But She Beat My High Score

Let's Talk About Spaceships - Say Hi to Your Mom : Let’s Talk About Spaceships

Some Speak of the Future - Bob Dylan : Love Minus Zero/No Limit

Kiss You on the Mouth and Tell You I'm Your Biggest Fan - Nightmare of You : My Name Is Trouble

War Was In Color - Carbon Leaf : War Was In Color

A Girl With Uninterrupted Prosperity - Cake : Short Skirt, Long Jacket

You Make Me Feel Like I Am Home Again - The Cure : Love Song

Everaftering So Happy - Enchanted : True Love’s Kiss

It Doesn't Show Signs of Stopping - Dean Martin : Let It Snow

My Name in Lights at Carnegie Hall - High School Musical 3 : I Want It All

Three, Two, One, Now Fall In My Arms - We the Kings : Check Yes Juliet

So Happy Together - The Turtles : So Happy Together

No Escape, No Change of Heart - Aida : Written in the Stars

Good Heart, Soft Touch, Fast Horse - Faith Hill : This Kiss

In Some Old-Fashioned Way - The Police : Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

Who Said Life Was Easy and Who Said a Man Was Fair? - The Magnetic Fields : Sweet-Lovin’ Man

Me Myself I Got Nothing to Prove - Tracy Chapman : Fast Car (Also here’s a super cool Japanese cover of Fast Car)

And You Can Have This Heart to Break - Billy Joel : And So It Goes

when the truth is told (you can get what you want or you can just get old) - Billy Joel : Vienna

I've Been Awake For So Long - Basia Bulat : La-Da-Da

From Give and Take - Joni Mitchell : Both Sides Now

A Date With Botticelli’s Niece - The Band : When I Paint My Masterpiece (Bob Dylan cover)

It Varies From Season to Season, Kid - Death Cab For Cutie : Why You’d Want to Live Here

You Hurt But Learn - Yoko Kanno : I Recommend Instincts

Happiness Is Where You Are - Moana : Where You Are

Take Me Out to Dinner Like You Did Last Week - Lightspeed Champion : Everyone I Know Is Listening to Crunk

The Darkest Ages Couldn't Kill - Billy Joel : Two Thousand Years

A History of Taking Off My Shirt - Barenaked Ladies : One Week

It Was Clear That Day, So We Faked It - The Postal Service : Clark Gable

I'll Talk You To Sleep - Lisa Loeb : Sandalwood

Wherever We Land, May We Grow : John K. Sampson : Prayer For Ruby Elm

Looking For a New Way, Way of Living - Laleh : Speaking of Truth

We Can Make It If We Take It Slow - The Killers : When You Were Young

I Thought I Should Spend My Time Alone - Doctors & Dealers : Social Skills

Sweet After All These Years - Billy Joel : Famous Last Words

[jackblankhsh]

Giftmas 2017

For those who celebrate Giftmas, no child intends to fall asleep on Christmas Eve.  It happens without warning like getting punched in the dark, leaving you somehow angry with yourself not the Sandman who knocked you out.  One moment wide awake ears absorbing every sound for a sign of Santa, blink, and it’s morning.  Presents are under the tree, the only sign of any gift giving ninja, a half eaten cookie.  

Although, growing up, that unfinished cookie always made me suspicious.  I used to wonder what kind of fat man doesn't finish a cookie.  And being inclined the way I am, I sometimes worried Santa hated the treats I left for him.  That explained why one precious item, wanted above all others, never arrived.  I could imagine him taking a bite, his face contorting in disgust, and deciding then and there, "Fuck this kid." Back up chimney he flew, taking with him whatever I wanted most that year.  

But then one Giftmas something happened that changed my entire understanding of the holiday forever.  

In my annual fashion, I went to bed with the full of intention of staying awake, at the very least long enough to hear reindeer hooves on the roof.  I passed part of the time staring out my bedroom window.  Through frosted panes I observed a group of carolers strolling down the street, and my neighbor running outside to catch them.  

I heard him say, "Thank you for coming by, but none of you know how to sing.  So please just get away from my house."  

As they mercilessly beat him into the ground while singing "O Holy Night," I couldn't help noticing they gave new meaning to certain lyrics:  

"Fall on your knees!

O hear the angel's voices!"

I heard my Dad chuckling downstairs then calling for my Mom, "Honey you gotta see this.  Ziggy's gettin' his ass handed to him."  

Ziggy's wife came running out of the house.  A pot in one hand, she tossed ladlefuls of steaming hot cocoa at carolers.  The singers scattered, driven off by burning streams of molten chocolate.  Before the bloodthirsty wassailers could regroup she and Ziggy hurried back inside.  

In the aftermath of that altercation the silence that soon descended became particularly boring.  I reclined on the bed.  Staring at the ceiling I wondered why Santa preferred to work in such unnecessary secrecy.  He didn't want children to see him delivering gifts, yet every kid, inclined to Christmas or not, is aware Santa brings the presents.  It occurred to me there must be something about himself he didn't want people to witness, perhaps a deformed eye that frightened children, or maybe he smelled terrible -- flying at the speed required to make it around the world in one night, if a flying reindeer pooped or peed that probably flew right back all over Santa.  

Amidst these and other speculations I felt my eyelids growing heavy.  Resisting as much as I could I failed to fight off slumber.  However, sleep would not reign all night.

I can't entirely recall my dreams that evening, though one moment remains distinct.  I remember a chocolate cat and a gingerbread dog helping me climb a sugar-plum tree near the Lollypop Sea.  Almost to the top a lightning bolt blew the tree to pieces sending all three of us crashing to the ground.  

I saw the gingerbread dog broken open on hard candy stones, his peppermint innards spilled out all over; the chocolate cat, half melted by the lightning shook an angry paw at the sky screaming, “What hath God wrought?”

Thunder boomed over head, the sound loud enough to blow me back into the waking world.  I bolted upright, throwing myself out of bed.  I’ve woken up in worse ways since, but at the time, it was not pleasant.

Groaning in pain, I could still hear a dying echo of thunder.  That's when it dawned on me:  the sound originated in reality.  

Pounding steps hurried through the hall.  Someone shot passed my bedroom.  

I heard my Dad shouting as he ran downstairs, "What’s going on?"

Mom answered, "It's a mess that's what it is."

A frantic exchange ensued, both parents talking at once. Their heated dialogue congealed into an incomprehensible slurry.  Not knowing exactly what they said didn't change the tone of the conversation, I could tell something terrible must've happened.

When Mom shouted, "Well what was I supposed to do?"

The dialogue stopped.  

Cautiously I crept out of bed, sneaking downstairs to see the cause of the commotion.  I found my parents standing by the Christmas tree.  Mom shaking her head in disappointment, Dad staring, frowning at a body lying near the fireplace.  A snowy white beard wreathed what remained of its head the rest splattered across the mantle like a gruesome Jackson Pollok.  One of the feet still twitched, jiggling the belly, and jingling the buckle on a black leather boot.  My eye drifted from the corpse back towards my parents, specifically the shotgun at Mom's feet.  

Dad said, "What.  Happened?"

Mom replied, "I was going to the bathroom.  I heard someone downstairs, and thought, 'It's a burglar.'  So because waking you is like resurrecting the dead, I got the shotgun; but when I got down here I didn't see anyone, or anything except that."  She pointed at a gigantic sack in one corner.  She continued, "I went to look at it. Then I heard a floorboard creek. Turning around there's a lumbering bear-man coming out of the dark going, 'Ho, ho, ho.’ Like that explains a goddamn thing.  Wearing all red -- I thought he was covered in blood, so I shot him.  Twice."

Dad nodded in understanding.

Mom said, “Maybe if you weren’t in a vodka coma…”

“This is not the time for that conversation.”

“When’s it going to be the time?”

A thud came from the roof.  Snatching up the shotgun Dad went to the front door.  On his way he spotted me on the stairs.  

He said, "Don't go near the dead guy.  Got it?"

I nodded vigorously.  

He said, "Good.  Now be quiet," and he went outside.  A moment later he came back looking perplexed, and uncomfortably delighted like someone who just discovered there are dildos based on dragon dicks.  He said, "Ahhhh-okay.  There are reindeer... on the roof."  Mom opened her mouth to say something, but he held up a hand, “I repeat, ‘There are reindeer... on the roof.’"

Mom went outside.  Not wanting to miss this, I followed her.  Sure enough, up on the house top, eight tiny reindeer hitched to a sleigh.

Looking at me Mom said, "What are you doing outside without a jacket?  Get back in the house before you freeze to death."

I trudged back inside.  I didn't feel like I needed a jacket.  Though it must be said, knowing your Mom has killed someone implies a greater legitimacy to such observations -- if anybody knows death, it’s her.  After getting a jacket I went back out in time to see Dad position a ladder next to the house.  

"What are you doing?" Mom asked.  

Dad said, "Hoping this is just a meth fueled prank."

He went up the ladder.  Mom scanned the block to see if any neighbors might be observing us. Dad went quickly up, and soon quickly descended.

"Okay," he said, "I tried to pet a reindeer to keep it calm -- I didn't want to get knocked off the roof.  Anyway, it hopped away from me, and hovered in the air."

"So they're real flying reindeer," I said with unrestrained joy.

Without looking at me Dad said, "Son, this is a really messed up situation.  I'm gonna need you to be quiet, while your Mom and I figure this out."

"What's to figure out?" Mom said, "We should call the police."

Dad shook his head, "Honey, believe me, we cannot become the family that killed Santa.  That's just not gonna end well for us."  

Truer words have rarely been spoken.  Even the implication of killing a beloved holiday icon is too risky.  The previous Easter Eugene MacAndrews ran over a rabbit with his lawn mower, and by unfortunate coincidence the local kiddie egg hunt didn’t occur.  Later that night a mob in bunny masks burned down the MacAndrews’ home.  

So my parents swiftly conceived a plan.  Then we spoke not a word, going straight to work. Mom went up on the roof to make the reindeer dash away, dash away all.  Meanwhile, Dad dealt with Father Christmas’ corpse.  He rolled Pere Noel up in a tarp from the garage.  It took considerable effort, but acting with little care Dad dragged and stuffed St. Nick in the trunk of the car.  

Mom came into the garage carrying a short whip. In disgust she said, "There's a whip in the sleigh.  What kind of a person whips a defenseless animal?"

Dad asked, "Did you use it?"

"No!  I fed them bits of apple then tossed a handful in the air, and they went off after them.  They seemed very hungry.  I'm starting to think he was not a good person."

“It’s entirely possible,” Dad said.  Closing the trunk he added, “We’ll never really know.”

He got Santa's toy sack from the living room, jammed it in the back seat then we piled in the car, and drove off.  For some reason, not yet clear to me, my parents insisted I come with.  We stopped at a gas station to fill a can with gasoline.  Afterwards, Dad took us to an abandoned mall on the edge of town. There he and Mom hoisted the dripping tarp into a dumpster.  

While Dad poured gasoline inside the bin, Mom knocked on the car window.  She gestured for me to come out.  Still unsure why they needed me I reluctantly exited the car.  When I neared the dumpster Dad got down on one knee.  

Placing a hand on my shoulder he said, "Son, you're only six, so I don't expect you to fully get this, but in order to equally share the blame we all have to take part."  He handed me a box of matches, "You'll understand when you're older."

"I'm not supposed to play with matches," I said.

Mom said, "This one time it's okay."

Doing my best to pretend like I didn't know how, I lit a match.  As I cupped the tiny flame in my hands Dad picked me up.  He held me over the dumpster, and I dropped it in.  

For a minute we watched the fire bloom, observing this macabre Yule log because, as Mom insisted, we needed to be sure the body burned.  We watched the crackling fire gradually turn green, and spit Christmasy sparks into the sky, a faint aroma of peppermint permeating the air.  Then we went home, stopping briefly to deposit the sack in a drop-box for toy donations.  

The next morning I went downstairs expecting to find nothing under the tree.  However, I discovered a small stack of gifts.  Seeing me shocked, my parents chuckled.

Dad said, “Those are from your Mom and me.”

“There’s always been something from us,” Mom said.

I couldn’t believe my good fortune.  What a glorious Giftmas miracle:  Santa dead, and kids still get gifts.  Then I realized something:  parents gave presents as well, but Santa got all the credit.  It didn’t seem right.  But it also made me wonder what would the world really be missing without Santa in it?  Presents still end up underneath the tree.  They just haven’t been delivered by some magical package handler.  I know.  My mom shot him, and I watched his corpse burn.  It seemed to me the world would get on just fine without Santa Claus.