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bloodenjoyer · 2 years ago

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butternut squash soup

recipe (more like a diary entry of how i made it lol) under the cut!! also warning this is not a quick recipe i started this whole process at like 2:30 and didnt finish the soup until abt 5:45 ish, didnt pull the bread out of the oven until abt 6:30. it was so worth it tho

Ok so basically i decided i wanted to make bread and butternut squash soup for dinner so i started by making the bread and followed this recipe. then while the dough was rising i started tackling the squash. i used a ~4.5 pound squash and started by cutting it in half and putting it in a bowl of water in the microwave for...idk six minutes each half? a bit more? just to make it softer. then i scraped out the guts and seeds (annoying and icky) and cut it into smaller pieces and peeled it with a carrot peeler. this takes a bit more effort than peeling carrots because the squash is hot and soft but also hard and weird and the skin is kinda thick. As i peeled each segment i cut them into smaller pieces and dropped them into a large pot on the stove to just kinda hang out on medium heat in a can of chicken stock, stirring each time i added more squash. i probs shouldve used vegetable broth but chicken stock is what i had so thats what i used.

once i added all of the squash (compost the skin btw!! i forgot to do that :/ ) into the pot, i squeezed a whole lemon into it. then i added like maybe five cloves of garlic cut into large pieces as well as some honey, cinnamon, cumin, lawrys seasoned salt, smoked paprika, lots of garlic powder and some cayenne pepper. stirred it again and then popped the lid on while i cut up two small onions. once i was done w the onions i rinsed out the bowl i originally microwaved them in and transferred the squash back into it.

i then put olive oil and a tiny bit of sesame oil (idk why) into the pan and let the onions fry up. to this i added: more cumin (fav spice ever <3), turmeric, herbs du provence (not sure what these are there just was a jar on the counter so i used it), and i also grated ginger into it. be careful not to let yr onions burn btw. Then once they looked like they had cooked down enough to fit into the bowl w the squash i put them in the bowl w the rest of the squash.

Next i made a béchamel sauce w coconut milk. i heated a can of coconut milk (obvs not the ACTUAL can i put it in a measuring cup and it came out to b abt 1 and 1/4 cups) in the microwave so it would be hot. then i put 2tablespoons of butter and 2tablespoons of flour in the pan. you gotta stir this constantly (its easiest if you use a whisk) so U dont accidentally make dumplings. once that starts getting thick and bubbling a little bit i added the coconut milk in increments, still whisking it the whole time. once that was done i lowered the heat so it wouldnt get curdled or dumplingy and added white pepper, sriracha sauce (first thing i saw when i opened the cabinet so i added it), more garlic powder and cumin bc i like those things a lot.

so then i finally added all the squash and onions back into the pot. i mixed it all in and then blended it w/ a handheld blender. if u dont have one u can just do all the squash ina food processor before adding it back to the pot and if you dont . Um try your luck with a potato masher i guess. EXCEPT i got scared while blending it on account of my pot was so wide and that meant the soup was just a BIT shallow. so i squoze a lime into it. that obviously wasn't enough and i added a bit more milk (cow milk, not coconut milk bc i didnt wanna open a whole nother can and i figured i had already put butter in it so who cares) and then blended it until it was smooth as i could make it. the blender pretty much made all the squash smooth but there were still unblended onions which personally i actually like.

then i finally tried it and it was soo fucking good oh my god.itwas so so worth it. i didnt use a recipe for this when i cook i just throw whatever into a pan and hope for the best but im writing it down bc i wanna make this again bc it was.very yummy.

anyway then i put a lid on the pot and let it hang out while i preheated the oven and baked the bread (which i also painted the crust w an eggwash and put a bit of salt on before sticking it in the oven) etc etc etc .

#recipe #<sorry to um any recipe bloggers or whatever if this shows up in a tag that ppl actually use. i just wanna be able to find this later #baz.txt

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zayphyr · 5 years ago

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pocket!ateez

🌸 hongjoong // 김홍중

• the softest, tiniest bAby

• going shopping with you is his favourite!

• picking outfits for you to try on while he judges + getting ice cream later

• also loves wearing matching tees,

• mostly at home, which is basically him making tiny ones out of your massive old tees

• tried tie-dying them once,,

• ended up looking like a smurf

• help him out pLS

• lowkey gets lost in your oversized sweaters and hoodies till you gotta rescue him

• loveees doing your nails!

• and in return, you paint his too

• with the smallest paintbrush you can find around the house

• "what did the toast say to the psychic??"

• "joong-" "you bREAD my mind!"

• composes lil songs for you to listen to in every mood

• when you're excited, when you're tired after a long day, when you don't feel good enough

• he's got tunes and lots of cuddles to get you through anything

• the most uwu baby ever, always looking out for youu

🌸 seonghwa // 박성화

• a whole soft dork!!

• wakes you up in the mornings by calling into your ears

• mostly just sings baby shark into your ears out of tune

• morning walks to the park with him peeking out of your pocket

• needs his daily dose of sunshine while you already have yours in your pocket :)

• learns the choreography to your favourite songs while waiting for you to come home after work/school/uni

• you know his lil bleps? yeah, only tinier and more precious :")

• does it when he's bored/watching you do do stuff

• always helps you clean up the house

• cleans up food bits from the table once you're both done eating

• tries cleaning your work desk with a piece of cloth

• tiny bby gets super tired out

• pls make him some lemonade to reward his hard work!

• tries to pull out chairs for you like in the movies

• realises after multiple attempts that he can'T

• is terrified of dogs, especially pugs

• always just watches from the safety of your pocket

• tucks you in with goodnight kisses :((

🌸 yunho // 정윤호

• smol tol noodle part 1

• your everyday vitamin, literally never out of energy

• encourages you to exercise

• "you're doing great! just 2 more!!"

• absolutely fascinated by candles

• nearly fell straight into one trying to smell it

• but thankfully, you caught him in time

• always just admired them from afar since then

• does face masks with you!

• with him applying it on your cheeks

• while you put a lil on his cheeks with your pinky

• gummy bears are his favourite

• a colourful, squishy aND edible teddy?? sign him uP

• loVES playing with your hair and doing tiny braids

• all he has to do is *smile* and you'll end up sharing your food with him

• though he has his own plate of the exact same thing

• "yours somehow always tastes better"

• teaches you the choreo to your favourite songs

• is terrified of roaches

• you gotta rescue the lil bean

• says he hAs to sleep on a pillow beside you bc it was too scary

🌸 yeosang // 강여상

• super shy lil being

• prefers staying home with you over going out

• your no.1 taste tester

• "noooo, this is way too salty"

• reads books with you!

• he'll be comfortably settled in the crook of your neck

• tugs on a lock of your hair if you turn the page too fast

• has all the sweet candy and feeds you the sour ones

• is a total smol savage

• will obliterate anybody that says anything hurtful to you

• he's too shy though so he'll just whisper angrily from your pocket

• making you immediately feel better

• sleeps eVERYWHERE

• in your beanies, hoodie or coat pockets, your headphones, teacups- everywhere

• watch out before you use the microwave

• slept in there once during winter

• is terrified of chickens

• though he loves fried chicken

• loves hearing all about your day!

• knows all your friends, the people that annoy you, that pup you always pet on your way home

• "linda needs to take a chill pill"

🌸 san // 최산

• needy tiny baby!

• loVES when you ruffle his hair

• literally melts into a puddle whenever you show him love

• you shoot him finger hearts

• and he dramatically clutches his heart and collapses

• plays match-3 games on your phone

• walks over to reach the far away matches bc he's too tinY

• tried to help you blow small balloons one day

• got stuck in one somehow??

• watching horror movies together

• initially, he tries to make jokes about the main characters

• eventually ends up hiding in the crook of your neck or behind your hair

• occasional tiny screams

• "I was just,, surprised!"

• heLLA jealous for someone so tiny

• tries to fITE any mini figurines of comic book heroes you have

• "I'm the only tiny hero they need!!!"

• tells the lamEST jokes to crack you up somehow

• cuddles your finger when he's extra deprived of your attention

• nEEDS to exchange goodnight kisses before you both go to bed

• can't fall asleep without this ritual

🌸 mingi // 송민기

• smol tol noodle part 2

• wakes you up by repeatedly poking your cheek

• going on picnics with you is his moST favourite thing to do

• loves flowers so much!

• sits on massive sunflowers for lil photoshoots

• runs around collecting pretty fallen flower petals

• spells your name with them and is so proud of what he's made :")

• pls make sure you don't lose him though

• he's a tall pocket bby but the weeds are taller

• always does the rap parts during your jamming sessions

• saw you swirling your fingers in the fishbowl and getting mini kisses from the fishes

• he tried putting his hand in too

• but poor bby got nipped at :(

• bc the fishes probably think it's food

• gives you lil nose kisses when you're super tired!

• expects them back too

• plays around with your accessories

• wears your rings as lil crowns

• your pocket princess w/ a toothpick sceptre!

🌸 wooyoung // 정우영

• is irresistible and he kNOWS it

• does cheerleading moves to motivate you when you're having a hard time with studies/work

• it never fails :"))

• lotS of aegyo sets too

• absolutely loves cuddling into your palm for a nap

• he just,,, loves your hands so much :(

• found your pack of bubblegum once

• ended up needing your help to get the gum off his clothes and hair

• always needs your attention !!

• walks all over your keyboard if you've been working too much

• or if you haven't played with him in more than 10 minutes

• proceeds to do it while folding his little arms over his puffed up chest

• calling you different sweet names

• and trying to hug all of your fingers till you eventually give iN

• loves watching movies with you so much!

• insists on feeding you popcorn each time

• his lil high pitched cackle laugh??

• you gotta let him sip anything you're drinking, always

• literally prides himself on being your pocket bby :"))

🌸 jongho // 최종호

• wakes you up with aegyo

• puts himself in timeout for being that embarrassing

• needs reassurance that you loved it

• always trying to be your mini hercules

• uses cotton swabs as his dumbells to flex

• even breaks baby carrots in half to impress you

• loveS helping you cook,,

• which is basically him pushing the dishes on the counter you need closer to you

• tried to stir cooled down soup and fell into the pot once

• lil pouts when he doesn't get what he wants

• tags along when you go swimming

• he swims in your favourite bowl while you take the pool

• leaves little hearts and drawings in your notebooks!

• you never see him doing it but there are new ones in your books everyday

• loves going to the beach

• has a lil shell collection

• sits on your beauty blender and watches while you do your makeup

• wants you to put some on him too

• sings you to sleep when you're tired or sick :")

-------------------------------------------------------

this is my first ever imagine so please excuse any mistakes, feel free to let me know if you have any requests or suggestions, thank you so much for reading! 💟💝💕

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marcholasmoth · 3 years ago

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OSRR: 2846

i desperately want cheese fries from texas roadhouse.

didn't do much today. slept in until almost 3. played animal crossing for maybe twenty minutes at some point, but the last part i have to finish of my island needs a few items that i can't find.

i read a bit, agonized a bit. a friend texted me so i tried to talk her down from her spiral of "i'm a shit person" and the like. but also. like. honey. i love you. but i am Tired. so that kept going most of the day.

at some point i put on a second mask and a pair of socks in addition to my warm clothes and went out with my mom to get ice cream (mostly so i could hold it while she drove, i didn't get out of the car). it was good.

watched battlebots for a bit with mom before sitting and talking to her about a few things, like the education system, the few good friends i had growing up, stuff like that. my mom was chairman of the school board when i was a kid. she was the one responsible for signing the paperwork approving the technology wing in the high school. we have students tuitioned in to come to classes only we have the capabilities and technology to provide. it's kinda cool. like nashua has esthetics courses and alvirne has a whole-ass farm, we send students all over the place if they're willing to go, and we take students from all over for both the tech wing AND our culinary department. it's kind of a matter of pride. and it's cool.

but anyway, i'm in bed. i read a few things. the disastrous blender soup of my brain hasn't been poured out yet, but it's starting to, so i gotta nip that in the bud before it blooms into something horrendous with teeth.

didn't hear from joel today, but that makes sense because it's a thursday and he's busy on thursdays all day. i'll text him tomorrow. check in. i miss him.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #2000s #2800s #sunshine boy

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sinsiriuslyemo · 7 years ago

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So I saw your post about taking requests for deleted scenes from past seasons of cuba vs dr, and ironically I've always wanted a scene where nevada takes care of lily and eddie while dama was in prison, if you could put that in i would greatly appreciate it, again congrats on making this series for what it is and good luck with the last season

The Beginning

Nevada had heard plenty of screams in his lifetime; gurgling screams, terrified screams, high-pitched screams, the list went on. But nothing had ever prepared him for the cries of a baby every two hours, especially at four in the morning. He’d taken care of Eddie as a baby plenty of times, but nothing compared to the 24/7 madhouse that he was living in currently.

Rolling over, he groaned a rubbed a hand over his face. He’d barely been asleep for 45 minutes and he suddenly wished he’d been the one to have been put in prison. At least that kind of madhouse, he was familiar with. He could handle a jailhouse brawl any day, but the next year taking orders from an infant was going to be brutal. He could feel it.

He got up from bed, put on a pair of sweats and shuffled into Lily’s room, carding his fingers through his hair with one hand while the other braced himself against her crib. He peered down at his daughter, who had her mouth stretched open as wide as it would go, her little tongue shaking with her cries and her eyes plump and shut tightly as her fists shook on either side of her head.

“Coño chica, doesn’t that shit give you a headache?” he asked in a gravelly voice.

She was either none the wiser of him having asked her a question or simply did not care to hear any lip service, because Lily simply continued to wail at the top of her little lungs. Sighing heavily, Nevada shifted his weight and reached down, picking Lily up and sniffing at her waist.

She didn’t need a change.

He set her against his chest with one hand on her back and gently rocked her. She didn’t care for his efforts to calm her.

The only thing left to attempt was to satiate her possible hunger and he sighed again as he went downstairs and into the kitchen with his daughter still in his arms.

“Your mother owes me big time for this shit,” he groaned, pulling a bottle out of the fridge and warming it up before he checked the temperature. He offered the rubber nipple to the infant, who didn’t see to care for that either. “Come on, mijíta, have mercy,” he mumbled to the baby.

Apparently she took after her father, because mercy was the last thing on her mind in that moment. Her little face was getting redder by the minute and Nevada set the bottle down with the intent of trying the last trick he had up his sleeve. Setting Lily down on the kitchen table, he took her onesie off and picked her up, setting her against his bare chest as he went back upstairs, making sure to grab the bottle just in case.

As soon as he got a blanket over her back and sat in the rocking chair in her room, her cries began to calm down until she was quiet again.

“Thank fuck for that,” he said in a sigh of relief.

The door opened a moment later and Eddie walked in, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Mira who decided to join the party,” Nevada said as he looked down at Lily’s face.

“She cries so loud,” Eddie groaned.

“Yeah, no shit.”

“You need any help, tio?” Eddie asked.

“No, I’m good, go back to bed,” Nevada replied. “Dale, you got your first day of school tomorrow.”

“Okay...goodnight.”

“Night,” Nevada replied, letting his rest against the back of the rocking chair. His eyes threatened to close several times, and he stood, dressing Lily in a new set of pajamas before going back to the rocking chair to offer the bottle again. This time she latched on without trouble, her eyes still closed but this time much more relaxed.

The First Solid

“Okay, escúchame bien, princesa,” Nevada said, tiny spoon in one hand and homemade baby food in the other. “Your abuela Gladys used to make this shit for your cousins all the time and they loved it. It’s like baby crack.”

Lily gave him a grin, showing off her only two teeth and giggling as she reached for the spoon.

She’d just started eating solids and seemed to hate everything Gerber had to offer. Anytime he would feed her any, she would spit it out immediately, most of which would end up on his face. Gladys hadn’t been surprised at all.

“What did you expect? Eso no es comida!” she’d said to him.

“Okay, so don’t spit this out. This is baby gold, me entiendes?”

Lily squealed, clapping her hands three times before she placed both hands on top of her head.

“Alright, here we go,” he said, gathering some mashed up vegetables onto the spoon and slowly brought it towards the baby’s mouth.

The door opened and Eddie walked in, tossing his backpack down on the floor on his way towards the stairs. He’d been volunteering after school as a tutor in the library, and usually didn’t get home until close to five.

“Oye, pick that shit up. This look like a pig stye?” Nevada asked.

“Come on, tio. Tia’s not here, we don’t have to be all clean or whatever,” Eddie groaned.

“¿Como?” Nevada asked, arching a brow. “Oye, me cago en mi abuela. Pick up your backpack, carajo.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and turned to pick up his backpack off the floor.

“¿Y que? How’d your test go?” Nevada asked, turning back to Lily and offering her the spoon.

“Good, I finished early.”

“Good,” Nevada replied as Lily pressed her lips together, refusing to taste the homemade baby food. “Come on, princesa, just taste it. I promise you’ll like it.”

Lily threw herself against the back of the highchair, turning her head to one side and grimacing.

“Lily, come on, just a bite,” Eddie said, laying his backpack on the table. The baby simply continued to swat at the spoon, blowing raspberries at Nevada.

“You got homework?” Nevada asked.

“Yeah, I can do it later though.”

“No, no, do it now. Come on, abuela and abuelo are gonna be here soon,” Nevada replied. “They’re bringing your favorite.”

“Churrasco?” Eddie asked, his eyes lighting up.

“Mhm, con arroz y frijoles, and I think abuela Gladys made a flan that she might bring over, too.”

“Oh hell yes!” Eddie cheered.

“Entonce dale, if you want some of that flan, you’ll finish all your homework,” Nevada said before he once again set his gaze on Lily. “Y tu, vamos. I want you to take a bite of this.”

Lily giggled again, squealing and reaching for Nevada, who held the spoon to her mouth again. He used the spoon to try and open her mouth by flicking it against her bottom lip.

“Open wide, mi vida,” Nevada cooed. Lily would not budge. “Mira, it’s good,” he said, putting the spoon into his mouth and humming at the taste.

“Ew,” Eddie said in a chuckle.

“¿Como que ew? It’s just blended vegetables. Abuela Gladys used to make this all the time. We could eat this, it’s like vegetable soup, she just put it through the blender,” Nevada replied.

“Seriously? Isn’t Lily supposed to be eating baby food?” Eddie asked.

“This is baby food. It’s just homemade.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, abuela said Lily shouldn’t be eating that bullshit Gerber shit,” Nevada replied shrugging after a moment. “She didn’t like it anyway.”

“That’s kinda cool, I guess,” Eddie mumbled, pulling out his homework while Nevada continued to try and feed Lily.

He tried many tactics; peekaboo, choo-choo train, airplane, nothing worked. Lily simply giggled and squirmed in her chair, dodging the spoon every time. After a while, Nevada sighed heavily, almost giving up but deciding to try one last time.

“Lily, abre la boca,” he said. He arched a brow at the wide, green-eyed stare his daughter bestowed upon him, her mouth still closed. “Mija, por favor. Just try it,” he pleaded.

A knock at the door sounded and Eddie got up to answer it. Nevada smirked when he saw his nephew looking through the peephole before opening the door and letting Oscar and Gladys inside. The latter had tupperware filled with food while Oscar carried the flan.

“Hola, mijo. ¿Como esta?” Oscar asked, patting Eddie’s back and kissing his forehead.

“Bien. Tio’s the one that needs help,” Eddie replied, kissing Glady’s cheek and helping her with the food.

“Oye, how’s that new food, muñequita?” Oscar cooed as he walked towards Lily.

“No quiere comer. Me esta volviendo loco,” Nevada said, turning in his seat to look at Oscar. “Es para meterse la cuchara por la cabeza.”

“No niño, you gotta be patient,” Oscar replied. “Tres was like that too. Never wanted to eat anything.”

“What’d Melissa do?” Nevada asked, really wanting to know.

“She had OJ making funny faces at him and Melissa would just sneak the spoon in when he laughed,” Gladys answered as she began to open all the tupperwares and serve the food on plates.

“Mira, mira,” Oscar said, setting down the flan before he went to stand over Nevada’s shoulder. Crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue, he placed his thumb on his nose and began to babble.

Lily started to laugh and Nevada--seeing his opportunity for victory--quickly thrust the spoon into his daughter’s mouth. Lily grimaced slightly as she tasted the food for the first time, making Nevada and Oscar laugh at her expressions. Finally she swallowed, squealed in delight, and opened her mouth again.

“Viste? All it takes is one bite,” Oscar said as he patted Nevada’s shoulder. “Your abuela makes the best baby food in New York, Iliana.”

Lily cooed up at her grandfather as Nevada fed her more of the baby food.

“Oye, dale, you have her all the time. Give abuelo some time,” Oscar said, gently shoving Nevada out of the chair and taking his spot. “Dame el baby food. Ves y ayuda tu madre.”

Nevada snorted, nodding and going to help Gladys warm up their dinner.

“Eddie go wash up,” Nevada said, patting his nephew’s shoulder.

Gladys waited until Eddie had gone to the downstairs bathroom before she spoke softly to Nevada. “¿Como estas?”

He bobbed his shoulders. “Fine.”

She snorted softly. “You forget that I did ten years alone while Oscar was locked up,” she reminded him. “You miss her?”

“A little,” he mumbled.

“Nevada…”

He sighed heavily--he seemed to be doing that a lot lately. “Yeah, I miss her.”

That was somewhat of an understatement; he didn’t just miss you, he worried about you. You weren’t like him. People like you got eaten alive on the inside unless they hooked up with someone who could watch their back. And even then, prison was not easy.

“She’s smart,” Gladys said. “She’ll be okay. So will you, Eddie and Lily.”

“I know,” he mumbled, taking Eddie’s plate out of the microwave and putting the next one in.

“You’re taking pictures of Lily for her, right?”

“Claro que si. She reminds me every time we go see her,” he answered.

“You’re doing good, mijo,” Gladys said, smiling and running a hand over the back of his head.

Nevada nodded and looked over his shoulder to see Oscar with an empty bowl, playing peekaboo with Lily. He smirked as the baby put her hands over her eyes, trying to mimic her grandfather’s movements.

“He loves babies,” Gladys said with a smile.

The First Word

Nevada and Eddie sat at a table near the back of the restaurant, the former doing his best to help with homework though he hardly remembered grasping the material when even he was in school. Usually it would be you helping Eddie with his homework, but with you in prison it fell to Nevada. He thought about hiring someone to do it for him--it wasn’t as though he wasn’t busy with Lily, who sat on his knee at that very moment, chewing on rubber keys--but Nevada had realized that he rather enjoyed this time with Eddie. Even though the preteen seemed to know more than he did about the pythagorean theorem.

“Just use the formula, mijo. That’s the easiest thing about algebra. If you know the right formula to use, it’s easy from there. Just fill in the numbers,” he said, bouncing his daughter on his knee absently as he watched Eddie fill in the correct numbers for x and y.

“When’s tia coming home?” Eddie asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

Nevada’s face fell slightly. “I don’t know.”

“Tio Rafael said he’s working on finding a way to get her sentence reduced,” Eddie offered as he continued to solve the equation. “I just wondered.”

“Your tio Rafael, he’s a smart guy. If he says he can get her out, he will,” Nevada said.

It was surprising, even to him, any time he verbally expressed faith or favor towards Rafael. It wasn’t as though he hated your brother, but with he and the prosecutor being on opposite sides of the law it seemed logical to keep his distance.

“You think so?” Eddie asked, finally looking up to meet Nevada’s eyes.

“Yeah,” the older man replied, nodding his head as he looked back at the boy. “I’m working on trying to help, too.”

Eddie nodded, letting a soft sigh escape from his nostrils as he shifted his gaze back to his homework.

Lily pulled the toy from her mouth, shaking it in front of her and cooing to herself as with the hand not holding the keys, she examined each individual shaped implement, noticing how each was a different color.

“You think Lily misses her?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah, of course she does,” Nevada mumbled.

“Think she’ll remember that tia wasn’t here right now?”

“Probably not, she’s too little. Right, princesa?” Nevada asked, looking down at his daughter, who tilted her head back to look up at him with her big, green eyes and a wide grin.

“There, I think I got it,” Eddie said, turning his notebook to show Nevada.

His uncle looked at the equation, nodding his head as he looked over the work. “Good job. Looks right to me, pero check the back of the book, see if you got it right.”

He picked Lily up and turned her to face him, pulling her up against his shoulder and letting her pat his scruffy cheek. She played with the short, coarse hairs on her father’s face, dribbling and opening her mouth to press it against Nevada’s skin. The older man snorted, using his free hand to thread his fingers through his daughter’s curls.

“I love you too, princesa,” he mumbled softly.

“Da-Da…”

Eddie whipped his head towards them, his mouth agape and eyes wide in surprise. “Whoa...did she just say dada?”

Nevada leaned his head away from Lily to look down at her. “I think so.”

“Da-Da,” Lily said again, her little hands swatting at Nevada’s nose. “Da-Da!”

Nevada grinned and peppered kisses against a little, plump cheek until his daughter was giggling and squirming away from the playful assault. As her father pressed a final kiss to her forehead, her eyes fell on the shiny object dangling from his neck, and she made an amused sound as one chubby hand took hold of it.

“Da-Da-Daaa,” she sang in a soft, high-pitched voice.

Oscar emerged from the back room and approached their table with a soft smirk. “Jefe, estamos lísto,” he said.

“Okay, dáme un minúto,” Nevada answered.

Oscar nodded once, turning to leave as Eddie looked up at his uncle.

“Tio…”

“Yeah, mijo?” Nevada replied, carefully taking his necklace away from Lily.

“Don’t die, okay?” Eddie said with a frown.

Nevada looked up at his nephew, corner of his mouth lifting as he shook his head. “I won’t.”

“Cause if you die, me and Lily will be all alone,” Eddie reminded him.

Nevada sighed heavily, nodding his head. “I know. Don’t worry, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

His answer seemed to satisfy Eddie, who nodded back at him and gave Nevada a tight smile. “Okay.”

“Da-Da-Da-Da-Da-Da…”

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clarksfoodblog · 4 years ago

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SOUP - Not-so-creamy, cream of root vegetable soup

1. The soup I chose to make was a roasted root vegetable and pear soup. There is a small amount of pear, it is primarily a vegetable soup, but the underlying sweetness of the pear takes away from the overpowering earthiness of the root vegetables. I chose to do this soup primarily because of the process I have gone through in culinary school. Through my studies over the last 6 weeks, I have developed quite a large collection of vegetable scraps, and odds and ends. Truthfully, the best way to utilize these scraps is in a soup. I really hate waste, food specifically so I was happy to have this opportunity to use these scrappy ingredients and put them to good use. Gotta love soup for that reason!

2. Recipe

400g butternut squash

250g rutabaga

150g parsnip

100g pear

1 tbsp olive oil

Bouquet Garnis

2 litres vegetable stock (preferably homemade)

100mL cream

pepper, salt, nutmeg, sour cream to taste

- peel vegetables and fruits. Cut to roughly 1 inch cubes

- place on baking sheet lined with foil. Cover with olive oil, salt and pepper. Toss to coat.

- roast in the oven at 400 degrees F for 30-45 minutes until lightly golden.

- add to a stock pot and cover with stock. Add bouquet garnis. Bring to a boil and then lower to a simmer. Simmer for 15 minutes until vegetables are very soft.

- remove bouquet garnis. while hot, blend with either a hand blender or bar blender. Be careful with hot liquid.

- strain into another pot, bring back to a boil, then simmer for 5 more minutes.

- remove from the heat and once slightly cooled, add and combine heavy cream.

- season to taste. Serve with a small dollop of sour cream and a pinch of nutmeg.

3. Pictures

4. Sensory Evaluation

The soup has quite a rich texture. Even for using quite a lot of liquid, by straining it, reducing, the thick nature of the vegetables, and the cream, it has a silky texture. It has a sweet taste due to the natural sugars of the vegetables. I added the pear to make sure the soup wasn’t too earthy and I feel it helped round out that flavour. It has a wonderful colour from the squash. A wonderful orange colour that is not too pale from the addition of the cream and the white vegetables. You can smell the sweetness of the natural sugars in the root vegetables.

5. I shared this with both of my parents. They will be quite biased but they were very happy with the texture and the taste overall.

6. The main challenge for me was ensuring a nice roasted flavour and colour on the vegetables without overdoing it and charring them too much. Cutting the vegetable in larger pieces will help with this. Overall, this soup is a success. I am very happy with how my homemade stock came out and the taste of the soup is great. The texture is wonderful. Not too thick. If I would’ve changed anything I would’ve seasoned my vegetables more in the beginning with salt. I also would’ve garnished with some green onion for some sharpness and colour.

7. Honestly, I’ve learned that soups are super approachable and relatively easy. I understand making a perfect and high quality soup is technique driven and takes time and effort - but you can make a great soup from a relatively random assortment of vegetables. I’ve learned that you can throw some fruit into a soup without heavily influencing its flavour, and adding a subtleness that can elevate a soup’s profile. I enjoyed being creative and seeing how this recipe turned out. Overall, I am really happy and proud of my result.

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gotojobin · 6 years ago

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#Zootopia #ZootopiaComic #Zootopiamovie #NickWilde #JudyHopps #JudyWilde #NickHopps #BestMovieEverZootopia #NickWildeAndJudyWilde #Zootopia2 #MemeZootopia #ZootopiaMeMe Nick: I wanted to thank you Judy for taking this nice little walk with me through the park. Judy: Nick it is 4:50 A.M I don't mind walking through the park with you early in the morning. I do mind I didn't even get to take a hot bath or shower before we left? Nick: Don't worry when we get home I'll take one with you a nice hot bubble bath but you do know what I'm going to do to you in that bath. Judy: You are going to wash me all over but you will pay extra attention to my breast. Nick: That is not the only place I'm going to be very thorough with gotta make sure I washed that beautiful stomach also. Everyday your boobs and butt get bigger and that beautiful stomach and my love for you been growing since the first day I met you. Judy: Wait one moment I know what you're going to say I can read your mind? Your love for me is so big we can start our own colony on it and we all so can be the first family in space is that what you were going to say? Nick: I love you, you get me. Judy: I love you too but you are hugging me too tight think of the children! Nick: I'm sorry I had lost myself for that quick moment but look Judy there is that wonderful Mountain you gave me that wonderful paw trick on. Judy: I regret doing that for you I didn't know so much would come out you hit a man in the head trying to feed a duck. Nick: Don't you try to pin it all on me you forgot to put your hand over it you better be lucky that dude didn't realize. Until we were long gone we was lucky he was wearing that baseball hat. Judy: He might think he got pooped on by a bird or he might think something flying might have dropped a load on his head? Anyway I'm bored let's go home I need that bath. Nick: You don't want to go to the diner and go get some breakfast? Judy: I'm good I might go eat a big tomato. When we get home and some lettuce and kale and some rutabaga. Nick: You do know that sound like a soup right? Judy: When we get home I'm putting some of that in a blender after I take the seeds out of some of them. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvbc9r-Fpnu/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=qpvznag28uw9

#zootopia #zootopiacomic #zootopiamovie #nickwilde #judyhopps #judywilde #nickhopps #bestmovieeverzootopia #nickwildeandjudywilde #zootopia2 #memezootopia #zootopiameme

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bax16 · 8 years ago

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@advanced-procrastination El Brandito's Gluttonous Cream of Mushroom Soup! 1) cut up mushrooms into your preferred shape, the more the better (I used portabella, shiitake, and oyster, all grown in Texas. Was feelin fancy today. The cheapest mushrooms'll work, long as they're fresh) 2) dice an onion and some garlic (optional, but again, the more the better) 3) in a large skillet, saute in oil or beef tallow til caramelized 4) dump them mushrooms in there. If you got herbs n spices, now's the time to use some too (I like tarragon, thyme, coriander, and oregano. Coriander and oregano you gotta watch, but don't be afraid to go overboard* with the tarragon and thyme). Cover a few minutes. Once it starts steamin, take off the lid and stir fry til it's done (it'll reduce to half its original size) 5) put half the seasoned and sautéed mushrooms in a blender with a cup or two of beef stock, along with more tarragon and thyme, and puree that sucker 6) in a stock pot big enough for your final product, make your roux: melt half a stick of butter, and slowly stir in one (1) tablespoon of all purpose flour (it'll end up lookin like grits) and let it brown a lil, then slowly stir in one (1) pint of heavy cream. It'll expand, so start slow and increase the rate to keep it soluble. 7) take the rest of your mushrooms and mushroom puree and toss it all in the pot (HARD AS YOU CAN) 9) stir it all up, season with salt n pepper to taste. You're done! *with herbs and spices, recipe books'll have you measure out exacting amounts, down to like ten significant digits, but I find it's never really enough for me. I just smell it and guesstimate how much'll taste good to me.

#Brandon cooks sometimes

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thesixteendegree-blog · 7 years ago

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Feeding Two for $27 a Week

Frugality.

The Millennial generation is one that is monetarily struggling. We are the most educated generation yet here we are, poor as dirt. Why then, for such an academically educated group of people, can we not cook? We all had that home economics class in seventh grade where we baked a pizza, but that was the extent of it. Our education system does not teach practical skills. I wonder if it is seen as a blue-collar trade by our academic high-horse seated overseers? Is learning cos and sin more important than knowing how to feed ourselves? Should navigating a TI-83 be more important than being fluid with a chef’s knife? Practical skills such as cooking then must come from home. From parents. Or in this case, much later in life from a food blog authored by an unknown know-it-all.

Living in near poverty and supporting ourselves, I’ve learned more about cooking cheaply in the past four years than ever before, Living pay-check to pay-check is a good enough slap in the face to get out there and learn how to cook. I will show you how to do it cheaply that produces quality results.

My menu for last week was:

Honey-Sriracha Glazed Chicken Legs

Mapo Tofu

Chickpea, Tomato, and Spinach Stew

Moroccan Lentil Stew with Spiced Yogurt

Potato-Broccoli Stew

Cantonese Garlicky Eggplant and Tofu

I was able to cook all of this for $27. Let me show you how.

Let me explain a couple things first. This week’s menu will not cost you exactly $27. I now a lot of people who have empty pantries, cupboards, and refrigerators because they do not cook. They sit in a dark room wearing dirty underwear, binging Rick and Morty and feast on Bagel Bites, plummeting their orange claw into a Costco size bucket of cheese-balls. As you begin cooking and cooking a lot, you will build up your stocks. You will have a drawer full of beans and lentils, leftover frozen chicken breasts portioned out, spices, and sauces. For instance, that package with a sliced and smoked pork jowl will last me many meals.

Each baggie was equivalent to 3-5 slices of bacon. I froze them and will pull them out whenever I need a little protein to add depth and flavor to soups/stews. This is what I’m talking about when I say building your stocks. As you cook more, your pantry will begin to fill with essentials and staples. I have a theory this is why people who are starting out to cook are turned away from the act altogether. I’ve had friends complain to me about how expensive dishes are to cook. “I have to buy like five different spices for one dish!” Spices last a long time especially when you buy them whole. Ground spices expire much faster and you have to use more of them to produce the same flavorful results compared with whole spices. And never go buy spices at name-brand grocery stores. They rip you off. Find an international store and source them from there. As for staples like oil and salt, these are used in small amounts and will spread out--last a while. Think of these first time purchases as an investment (another thing we were not taught in school). The bag of potatoes will last me weeks. Hell, even the chicken was able to feed my girlfriend and myself and I had to freeze the leftovers. I also only used one bag of the frozen mustard greens and 1/3 of that bag of green lentils. I overcompensated but was still able to build up my stock. All of these can be used later and you can even plan cheap meals around the left over stocks for next week since you have most of the ingredients. It all compounds eventually. You just have to give it time and keep cooking.

Honey-Sriracha Glazed Chicken Legs

Ingredients

Marinade/Sauce

2 tablespoons soy sauce

3 tablespoons hoisin sauce

2 tablespoons sombal oelek

6 tablespoons Sriracha

3 tablespoons honey

3 tablespoons gochugaru (Korean chili powder)

1 head garlic minced

1″ ginger minced

Chicken

10 pounds chicken legs

Directions

Combine everything from the marinade into a big bowl.

Reserve half of the marinade in a small bowl and set aside.

Here is the gochugaru. This is a pretty big bad in itself, but man, are there some killer recipes you can use this with, my mapo tofu being one of them. It isn’t spicy, rather I use it for color and to add the purest flavor of Korean chilies into the food minus the capsicum (the chemical of spicy) of the actual chili.

Mix half of the marinade with the chicken and let sit for at least 30 minutes, preferably over night, though make sure to seal it in an airtight bag or a bowl or else your fridge will become a garlic chamber. Lay foil on a baking sheet and grease. There is sugar in this recipe from the honey so it could bake onto the pan which is a pain in the ass to scrub off. With the foil, that won’t be an issue. Preheat oven to 400 degrees and bake for an hour or until the largest leg registers 165 degrees.

Add the rest of the marinade to a small sauce pan and simmer for 5 minutes. Let chicken cool and peel off all the meat and set in a bowl. Pour now sauce over the meat and serve over rice. Maybe with a vegetable on the side (which I didn’t include in the recipe).

Before we move on, let’s talk chicken legs. I can find 10 pound bags of them for no more than $5 near me. Wal-Mart usually has this deal. This is America. You have a damn Wal-Mart near you, I know it. They are such a cheap source of protein, not to mention the bones can be saved for chicken stock, though keep in mind they will be stained with the marinade so a spicy Asian soup would be great with those. You can fry legs, bake them, braise them, make soup, roast them, do so many different things they should be your best friend. I’ve seen them go as cheap as $.49 a pound. The cheapest you usually see chicken breasts are about $1.49 with some exceptions for example. Dark meat is better anyways...

Cantonese Garlicky Eggplant and Tofu

Sauce

3 tablespoons hoisin sauce

3 tablespoons light soy sauce (great for stir-fries. Doesn’t muddy sauces down)

1 tablespoon sesame seed oil

2 tablespoons fish sauce

Mushrooms

1 cup water

1 big handful of dried shiitake mushrooms

Stir-Fry

1 block firm tofu, 1″ cubes

5 Japanese eggplants or 2 medium globe eggplants sliced into 1/2″ cubes

5 cloves minced garlic

2 tablespoons red chili flakes

Vegetable oil

Directions

Cube eggplant in 1/2″ squares. Place in microwavable bowl, cover, and microwave for six minutes. Cube tofu and separate. Mince garlic and separate with red chili flakes. Combine everything for the sauce. Once eggplant is done microwaving, add mushrooms and 1 cup of water to a microwavable bowl and microwave it for 3 minutes. Squeeze water out of logged mushrooms and separate in a bowl. Slice mushrooms into 1/4″ slivers.

Add 1 tablespoon of oil to a ripping hot pan or wok. Add half the eggplant and fry until golden brown, about 5-7 minutes. Empty into a bowl and repeat with the other half of eggplant, salting each batch with a pinch.

I have a local Indian store right near my apartment where I source most of my vegetables. They usually have about 2-3 pound bags of eggplant on sale (close to expiration so I gotta cook it fast) for about $1.19 a bag. Eggplant is a wonder vegetable. It is soft and meaty and deeply satisfying to eat. There are so many ways to cook it as well. Its versatility is endless as so many countries use it for cooking around the world. I love it for stir-fries because it holds sauce so nicely.

Add the garlic, chilies, and mushrooms with another tablespoon of oil and saute for 45 seconds.

Add the sauce and the mushroom water to pan. Reduce over high heat stirring for a couple of minutes until it thickens.

Combine the eggplant and tofu and cook for five minutes on medium until pretty much all the liquid is absorbed. Serve over rice.

Broccoli and Potato Soup

Soups. If you want to eat cheaply learn how to make good soups. They are simple, can be made healthy, and for the cold nights we have ahead of us, satisfying. They are also nearly idiot proof. They can be made in slow cookers as well, which is the most idiot proof kitchen device ever invented. Hey idiots, learn to make soup! Need to clean out your freezer/pantry/fridge? Make a soup.

Ingredients

6 medium russet potatoes peeled and chunked into 1″ squares (super cheap sustenance if you don’t go buy organic potatoes at Whole Foods)

6 cups of chicken stock (see my homemade chicken stock recipe)

1 crown of broccoli, florets and stalks separated

4 slices of bacon

2-3 cloves garlic

2 onions

2 scallions

salt/pepper

2 bay leaves

1 cup cream of half-and-half (not pictured)

2 tablespoons butter (not pictured)

Directions

Cook the bacon until the fat is rendered and the pig is crisp. Add the onions, salt them lightly, and cook for 4 minutes. The size of the onions don’t matter much since all of this will be pureed. You can also pull out the bacon and put it to the side to add in once the soup is prepared for more variation in texture. But we are keeping this simple and fast.

Add the stock, bay leaves, and potatoes. Bring to a simmer and cook for 10 minutes.

Add the stems and simmer for 10 minutes. Once the 10 minutes is done fish out the bay leaves.

Turn off the heat and add half the florets. Let sit for two minutes.

Use an immersion blender and puree until smooth.

If you don’t have one of these, strain the solids from the liquid (saving the liquid) and add to a blender or food processor. Add a cup of cooking liquid and blend until perfectly smooth then return to the pot.

Add the milk and butter and stir until combined. Add the rest of the broccoli and let it sit for three minutes off heat.

Season with salt, pepper, and the scallions and you’re on your way to being full on mere dollars.

The rest of this food were not my recipes or I forgot to take pictures of the procedure, but I will show you what it all looked liked cooked.

Mapo Tofu

I have mastered this dish. I forgot to take pictures of the process because I’m an idiot and was seriously hungry. I will make a post about this one soon. But you have to learn how to make this dish. It’s easy. The pantry ingredients last forever, tofu is cheap (if you don’t buy the organic, pressed by nonreactive gold ingot shit they have at most American grocery stores) and it lasts like 6 meals if you spread it over rice. Stay tuned for this one. My last recipe on this was far too complicated for such a simple, humble dish.

Spinach, Garbanzo Bean, and Fresh Tomato Stew

This one came from Ferran Adrià’s cookbook The Family Meal. Not sure of copyright laws on the internet, so I won’t post the recipe, but it was great. Super simply. Truly idiot proof. I’m sure some Googling will produce copies of this recipe. I want to take this one and put my own twist on it eventually. If you want cheap food that fills you up, go buy a honking bag of dried garbanzo beans. They are so much meatier and far tastier than the canned variety, just require a little more patience and preparation. Not to mention they have an almost eternal shelf-life and a cup of dried beans once re-hydrated doubles in size. I need to do a post just about garbanzo beans...

Moroccan Lentil Stew with a Parsley Yogurt Sauce

This is a recipe from an America’s Test Kitchen slow-cooker cookbook. Absolutely fantastic. Some Googling should produce replicas of this one.

Let’s recap. Soups. Vegetarian based recipes. Low meat or the use of cheap meat. Flavorful bases spread over inexpensive carbs. With a well equipped pantry, you too can make all of this food for about $30. This fed my girlfriend and I for over a week. I think it was 8 days we managed to stretch this. Doing the math, rounded up that is $1.69 a day for food for one person. For those of you in my personal life who have argued with me on this subject, here is irrefutable proof cooking is cheaper than the alternative of eating out. It doesn’t take a lot of skill. It doesn’t take a lot of time. You just have to start cooking more often. Practice makes perfect and cooking is one of those skills that needs constant honing. There is a science behind it all, but what I like the most about is the intuition. The sound onions make in a pan that’s heated just perfectly. Water that goes quiet right before it begins to boil in your pasta pot. The shimmer of oil in a hot pan ready to sear meat. The smell of garlic in oil that is cooked not too long. You can get to that point by smelling burnt garlic. By panicking when your pasta water clumsily clambers over the side of a pan and burns onto your stove in a starchy caked film. Setting a cut of meat in a cold pan and you hear no sizzle. That hot, dry crackle of onions carbonizing in an overheated pan. Mistakes. That’s how you learn. When you nail it the results are satisfying. It is like producing art--creating something with your senses and human instinct. You can be proud of making that soup or cutting that onion with a perfect dice. You can serve that mapo tofu you nailed to friends and family and significant others with pride. You made it. You put your heart and soul and intelligence and intuition into that dish. That is a beautiful and intimate craft worth practicing.

Get cooking.

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ama-accountability · 7 years ago

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"A Beginner’s Guide To Aquafaba November 25th, 2015 • Living With Less Waste, Sustainable Food You know when you cook chickpeas (or other beans and pulses) from scratch? You boil them on the stove top for an hour or two, and then you drain off the cooking liquid? You gotta stop throwing that golden cooking liquid down the drain! I’m serious. Yes, I’m talking about that stinky, kinda slimy, smells-a-bit-like-old-trainers liquid that disappears down the plughole when you strain your freshly cooked chickpeas. Because it is a magical ingredient. I kid you not. It turns out that chickpea water (chickpea brine), which alternatively and rather more glamorously is also referred to as aquafaba, is a miracle ingredient… something that isn’t waste at all, but is actually very useful! You can whisk it up like egg whites and use it in baking to make cakes, icing, macaroons and meringues. It’s taking the vegan world by storm because it’s making the impossible possible, but even if you’re not vegan and you eat eggs, the chance to use a waste product to make something edible and delicious can’t be scoffed at! I first heard about aquafaba when I posted a picture on Instagram of a big batch of chickpeas I’d cooked, and somebody asked if I was saving the liquid to make meringues. It sounded crazy (and unfortunately I’d just tipped 2 litres of it down the drain) but after seeing some pictures suggesting it could actually be done, and in spectacular style, I was sold. There might be a lot of beautiful images out there showcasing the miraculous things that can be done with aquafaba, but as a beginner, I had absolutely no idea where to start. Lots of the recipes refer to using the aquafaba from tinned chickpeas, but I cook my own chickpeas, so I wanted to know how to use this kind of aquafaba. Not being able to find this information on the internet, I spent an entire weekend whisking and testing this chickpea water (and eating far more meringues than I care to remember) and as a result, I think I’ve mastered the basics. First Up – Cooking Your Chickpeas If you’re still buying chickpeas (or other pulses) in tins, you are seriously missing a trick. Pulses are super cheap to buy, you can find them in bulk (so packaging free), they take up hardly any space in the pantry and they last forever. You can cook them up in bulk and they freeze really well. Cans are bulky, BPA-lined (meaning chemicals leaching from the plastic into your food), the brine often contain added salt and sugar, plus they are pretty resource-heavy being made from metal, and use a lot more fuel to transport than their dried counterparts. Make your own – it’s easy! Ingredients: dry chickpeas, water Soak your chickpeas in water, ensuring they are in a big bowl with enough water covering them as they will expand (depending on the variety, up to three times the original size). Soak for a minimum of 8 hours (overnight). I tend to soak mine for 24 hours or more (changing the water every 8 hours or so) until white bubbles appear in the water. Be sure to throw this water away – it is not the aquafaba! To cook, place in a large pan and cover with fresh water. Bring to the boil and cook for 1.5 hours. You want to ensure the chickpeas remain covered (you can top up with a little extra water, and keeping a lid on the pan will stop as much evaporation) but try to ensure there isn’t too much extra water. As you cook, white scum will come to the surface. Scoop this off and discard. After 1.5 hours, drain the chickpeas ensuring you keep the cooking liquid – this is the aquafaba! I usually cook dry chickpeas 1.5 kg at a time, meaning I end up with about 4 kg cooked chickpeas, and this makes around 2 litres of aquafaba. Chickpeas freeze really well. Decant into glass jars and once completely cool pop into the freezer. Wait until completely frozen until sealing with lids. I use regular glass jars and I have never had one crack. Aquafaba will keep in the fridge for up to a week so don’t feel like you have to use it straightaway. If you don’t want to use all the aquafaba at once, this freezes really well too. Pour into an ice cube tray and once completely frozen decant into a glass storage container and keep in the freezer. Aquafaba: How to Turn the Yellow Liquid into White Fluffy Stuff What you’ll need: a good whisk, and a big bowl…plus a little patience ; ) Pour the yellow chickpea liquid into a big bowl, and start whisking. The bowl needs to be big because as it fluffs up, it will expand to more than 5 times its original volume – so be prepared! You will also need a good whisk. A hand whisk isn’t going to cut it. Neither is a food processor or blender, even a high powered one (I tried). I have a stick blender with a 700W motor, 5 speeds and an additional turbo button, and this just about managed, although the motor did get uncomfortably hot. I would recommend a hand held whisk with two beaters, or a mixmaster or something with a little more power. This is my aquafaba before adding cream of tartar. Because I don’t have a super powerful whisk, I found cream of tartar helped form the stiff peaks you need for meringues. Chickpea water needs to be whisked for a long time. (Long being relative of course, but in the age of electric gadgets we expect instant results, so be warned!) You will need 10 – 15 minutes of constant whisking to get the aquafaba to full fluffiness and stiff peaks. On the plus side, you don’t seem to be able to overwhisk aquafaba like you can egg whites, and if you need a break from holding the hand whisk (or like me, are worried about burning out a stick blender), it seems fairly forgiving to stop-starting. Lastly, don’t be too worried about how concentrated your chickpea water is. Remember, egg whites are fairly runny before you whisk them, and aquafaba is the same. If you think your liquid is really watery you can reduce it a little in a pan, but don’t be too worried about this. I reduced 2 cups of aquafaba to 1 cup in a saucepan by simmering, and then whisked, and actually found it fluffed ever so slightly less than the original non-reduced aquafaba. The main thing will be a good whisk, and enough time. How to Make Aquafaba Meringues I based my experiments on this basic aqaufaba meringue recipe. Far more meringues than I actually wanted to eat later, I think I’ve mastered the basics. My next challenge is to improve the shape – something I think I will achieve with a slightly better whisk, and probably a little more patience! Ingredients: 1 cup aquafaba; 1.5 cups granulated sugar, ground into powdered sugar; 1 tsp vanilla essence and 1/2 tsp cream of tartar. Whisk the aquafaba into stiff peaks. Ideally you want a mixture so stiff that if you turn the bowl upside down, the aquafaba won’t fall out, but my hand whisk isn’t up to beating quite that well. (If yours is, you may not need to cream of tartar.) Once the peaks are as stiff as you can get them, add the cream of tartar, still whisking. This will help firm up the peaks. Next, add the sugar slowly. This is important… you don’t want to deflate the bubbles you’ve created. Add 1 tbsp powdered sugar at a time, whisking continuously to incorporate. Yes, it takes ages, but rush and you’ll flatten your meringues. The bowl on the right is the aquafaba once the cream of tartar and sugar have been added. The sugar gives a shiny gloss to the aquafaba. When all the sugar is incorporated, add the vanilla essence. Turn your oven on to the lowest temp. Recipes state the temperature needs to be between 80 – 110°C. My gas oven actually doesn’t go below 120°C but as it never seems to get to temperature anyway, it didn’t matter. Line baking trays with baking paper, and blob the meringue mix onto the paper (I used a soup spoon, and the blobs were about 4cm diameter). Aquafaba meringues about to go in the oven. I still haven’t mastered how to keep the shape once they go in the oven…that’s the next challenge! Pop the meringues into the oven, and leave for 1.5 hours minimum. You aren’t actually trying to cook the meringues but dry them out. If they go brown, your oven is probably on too high. To test if they are ready, see if you can remove one from the baking paper (ideally without taking the tray out of the oven). If it still sticks, leave in the oven. Keep testing until the meringues can be removed cleanly from the paper. When they are ready, turn the oven off, open the door slightly and leave to cool completely before removing. You’re better off leaving to cool in the oven overnight rather than putting them in a container whilst still slightly warm. Store in an airtight container if not eating immediately. What’s Next – Aquafaba in Baking If you’re interested in seeing more amazing creations with aquafaba, there is a great Facebook group called Vegan Meringue – Hits and Misses with lots of recipes to try when you’ve mastered the basics. It’s also a great community and a brilliant source of inspiration! I’m hoping to spend plenty more time in the kitchen experimenting with this stuff! I’ve already attempted making chocolate brownies using aquafaba and was really pleased with the result (especially as it was a first attempt), and with a few more tweaks I’m hoping to perfect this (and share the recipe with you of course). I’m also keen to try macaroons. Playing with aquafaba is so much fun!"

#aquafaba

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spiderfan22 · 7 years ago

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DAY TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY-THREE - 6/23/17

“THE DEAD BABY PLAY” by DJS

So, as the title suggests, I got a weird one for you today. But I like it. I started with the idea for the second scene and then made the (obvious) connection to the first. Comedy and tragedy. Except it’s all tragedy. And also deeply unsettling. There’s a creepy undercurrent/vibe to the whole thing that I latched onto more and more while writing it. You fall into a hole and you have no choice: you can only go down.

First scene

The stage of a comedy club. Brick wall backdrop, microphone. Spotlight.

ANNOUNCER All right, boys and girls. Coming up NEXT on the main stage we got a local boy. So give him a holler and a round of applause please would you, welcome to the stage Mister DANNY LYLE!!

Applause. The comedian, Danny, comes out from backstage. To the mic.

DANNY Hey. Thanks. Thank you. Thanks. It’s good to be here. Wow, big crowd. That’s great. Thanks. Yeah.

Audience quiets.

So—it’s great to be back. The city where I got my start, you know, THAT COMMUNITY. Like a real HOMECOMING, y’know? Not that it’s all sunshine and roses, no. I mean there’s still the EX I gotta dodge. I tell you, it’s just not fair. One little infidelity and suddenly they’re breathing down your neck hounding you for CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS. Seriously, bitches be CRAZY, dawg.

Ha ha, no. But I’m like the whitest dude you’ve ever seen. I mean correct me if I’m wrong but—uhhhh, yeah. No hiding that. So maybe I should leave off with the ethnic stuff, am I right?

Ha. But, you know, while we’re on the subject of child support. Uhhhhh, yeah, I know, GOOD SEGUE. But while we’re on the subject I just have to talk to you guys about something. And it might honestly shock you. Because it shocked me, uhh, for a couple reasons. And it’s this:

Dead. Baby. JOKES.

Dead baby jokes.

And you might be saying to yourself—okay, what about ‘em? Well here comes the shocking part, hombre. Up until last weekend?? I’d NEVER EVEN HEAR OF THEM. Now is that crazy or is that crazy? I mean are you NOT shocked? Because I was. How these wonderful little morsels of humor ever escaped me I do not know.

But let me tell you, I have made up for lost time. I have literally spent the whole last week doing my research, and you know I think I’ve heard ‘em all now. Or read ‘em all.

And if you’ll indulge me here, I would like to—

And he pulls a notebook from his pocket.

--to share a few of my favorites.

Now I know that goes against, like, ALL THE RULES OF STAND UP COMEDY. Like it’s stealing other people’s jokes. But I say fuck it. I say, a JOKE is a JOKE is a JOKE.

Plus I wouldn’t even know who to credit ANYWAY. These things are basically anonymous. So without further ado, here we go.

Oh. Oh and—I’m not sorry if you’re offended. There, disclaimer. Okay.

-What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?

A dart-board doesn’t BLEED.

-Why do they boil water when a baby is born?

So in case it’s dead they can make soup.

-How do you save a drowning baby?

Use a harpoon.

-How do you make a dead baby float?

Take your boot off its head.

Or, one I thought of was, Add root beer and some vanilla ice cream.

Okay, uhhh, another.

-Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?

So you can see the expression on their faces.

-What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

Fucked.

-What’s more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

Okay, you guys want one more? I got one more. Here goes:

-What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz? Drum roll please…..

There is none.

Twins in an acid bath.

Dead silence. No applause. Maybe someone boo’s or heckles him.

Okay, so maybe those weren’t your cup of tea. That’s fine. But I got a kick out of them—which is the whole POINT, yes?

Anyway, that’s my time. You’ve been a crowd. I’m gonna go home and maybe I don’t know kill myself. Or order pizza. It’s a fifty-fifty toss up.

G’NIGHT.

He leaves the stage to scattered clapping. Lights fade.

Second scene

The living room of a suburban home. Rick, a young father, sits on the couch nervously. The door behind him to the nursery is open.

There is the sound of keys in the front door lock. His wife Megan enters. She is tired from a long day of work, but brightens when she sees Rick.

MEGAN Hey. Hey sweetie.

RICK Uh

MEGAN Hey, how was today? How’d she do?

RICK UHH

MEGAN Did you take her to the park like you planned? Or did you guys have to come home early because of the rain?

RICK Megan.

MEGAN Yeah, what? Hey, you’re sweating.

RICK Megan.

MEGAN Rick. What is it?

RICK I’m just, I’m—so, so sorry.

MEGAN What are you talking about?

RICK I’m so sorry, I don’t know how it happened or when even, but she just—I—I don’t

MEGAN Rick, what’s going on?

Long beat. Then Rick points towards the nursery.

Megan goes into the nursery. Rick is frozen, waiting for it.

Five seconds.

(off) Wait, what—

Rick?

Rick is she sleeping? Did she get a bruise? I don’t see what—

More time.

(off) Oh God. No.

NO, no, no, no, NOO. No. Uh-uh. No, it’s not—it’s not possible.

Rick????

RICK!!!!!!

She storms out of the nursery. Back to Rick, breathless:

WHAT HAPPENED?

RICK I TOLD you, I don’t know! I don’t know. I took her to the park. I had her in the sling, you know, the Bjorn-thing. She was fine at the park. I put her back in the sling. I thought she had fallen asleep. I—I—I. So I put her in the crib as soon as I got home. And then that’s when I noticed she—she—she—

MEGAN WHAT, Rick? WHAT?

RICK SHE’D STOPPED BREATHING, MEGAN.

MEGAN OH MY GOD. But HOW? WHHHYY?

RICK I don’t KNOW. She just WASN’T all of a sudden—

MEGAN But did she choke on something and you didn’t see?? Did you MISS IT?? Were you NOT PAYING ATTENTION????

RICK NOTHING, I SWEAR. I swear, Megan. I just, I just—LAID HER DOWN. She was fine at the park, she was laughing and she wanted this butterfly, she kept pointing at it, smiling and laughing, and—and—and

MEGAN Oh God.

Megan chokes up but does not cry. Not yet. She sits on the couch.

RICK I’m—Megan I’m—

MEGAN Why didn’t you call me?

RICK because. Because I knew you were gonna be home soon. And I didn’t think this was the kind of thing you told someone over the phone.

MEGAN Why didn’t you call 911?

RICK Because. She was already dead.

MEGAN Did you try doing mouth to mouth?

RICK I don’t know CPR.

MEGAN THEN GOD, RICK, WHAT ARE YOU GOOD FOR THEN?!!!

RICK I DON’T KNOW, MEGAN! I JUST KNOW I DIDN’T MEAN FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN! I’M SORRY. I’M SO, SO—sorry. Okay?

Now the tears come. Rick joins her on the couch. He puts his arms around her. And they cry together.

MEGAN What do we do now?

RICK Well you should probably call your mom. Or my parents. Both. To let them know.

MEGAN And then?

RICK Well, we’ll need to arrange for a funeral, won’t we?

MEGAN But what if people ask questions?

RICK Like what people?

MEGAN What if the police get involved?

RICK Who’s gonna tell the police?

MEGAN I don’t know, but don’t these things usually get reported? Don’t they have to do like an autopsy?

RICK She just died. I mean there’s not any more to it than that.

MEGAN Just stopped breathing.

RICK Maybe—I don’t know. Maybe I had her in the sling too tight.

MEGAN Did you?

RICK I didn’t think I did. But maybe that was the problem, she couldn’t get air. But if I did it was an accident. And I don’t think an autopsy could show that anyway.

MEGAN I don’t know about these things.

RICK Me neither. But I think we should keep it between us just the same. Just in case.

MEGAN Just in case?

RICK yeah. Just tell your mom and my mom and dad we found her in the crib like that, not breathing. Already dead. Like you had put her down for a nap and when you came back to check

MEGAN Okay.

She’s stopped crying and so has he.

RICK I’m sorry, Megan.

MEGAN I know. I know you didn’t mean to.

RICK It could have just been a fluke.

MEGAN I guess.

Pause. In the silence we hear a small, almost imperceptible chuckle.

RICK How old was she again?

MEGAN Almost a year.

The volume of the laughter grows. Becomes more people. A crowd. Lights fade.

Third scene

The stage of the comedy club. The brick wall, the microphone. The spotlight.

But there’s no one onstage.

Hold.

Phantom laughter and applause continue from the previous scene. Louder.

Blackout.

#short play #dead baby jokes #dead baby #comedy #tragedy #comedy club #standup comic #parenthood #creepy

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