#you got bamboozled! / ic.

[mechahero]

Anonymous asked- 📺 + What’s one thing you always wanted to do, but haven’t? (and what’s stopping you?) send 📺 + a question, and my muse’s shadow will answer it!

"Kind of a big question, ain't it?" He asks with an a tilt of the head. It's a big question to him. He doesn't clarify that though. Instead, he carries on. "That's a real long list." He leans back in his chair. Is there a chair? "Off the top of my head, maybe, I dunno? I used to want to be a superhero but I'm already that so... maybe goin' to an amusement park? Always wanted to do that but we never really had the money for it."

"What's stopping me from doin' it though?" He lets the question sit there for a good long while. "Me."

[allxgene]

"Care to explain yourself Tartaglia?"

[fingertipsmp3]

One thing about me is I will buy myself treats I literally do not deserve because I didn’t do anything whatsoever

[thewispsings]

Oscar piastri x reader smau, but she’s completely anonymous and people are trying to find her after Oscar revealed he was married to someone?

nobody ever asked me | oscar piastri

pairing: oscar piastri x reader

summary: oscar piastri shocks the world by letting it be known that he is married, and has been for the past two years

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1, logansargent, and 1,017,827 others!

oscarpiastri: vacation with the wifey! 🧡

view comments below!

user1: oh that’s not

user2: excuse me the what?

user3: this is interesting!

landonorris: wait what

oscarpiastri; what?

landonorris: wait what are you being serious?

oscarpiastri: about what?

landonorris: oh i don’t know maybe you having a WIFE???

oscarpiastri; yes i do have a wife!

landonorris: WHAT THE FUCK

user4: oh so oscar not joking?...

user5: feeling like lando rn because what the fuck???

user6; this just ruined my day

maxverstappen1: i knew you were lying about SOMETHING

oscarpiastri: ive never lied to anyone, nobody ever asked me if i had a wife

maxverstappen1; that’s….fair

user7: THATS NOT FAIR??? OSCAR WTF?? YOU CANT JUST SPRING THIS ON PEOPLE???

charles_leclerc: nice pictures oscar!!!!

charles_lelcerc: wait a minute...

charles_leclerc: wife????

charles_leclerc: what?? what? what??

charles_leclerc: i am so bamboozled right now!

charles_leclerc: am i walking the prank? i feel like i am walking the prank

oscarpiastri: no you aren't walking the prank? whatever that means? ive been married for a little over two years now!

user8: TWO YEASR??? LIKE 730 DAYS??????

user9: no you guys actually dont understand, this is driving me crazy?

user10: this is SUCH an oscar thing to do tho.. like randomly announcing thats hes been married for 2 years??

user11: he took oscar core to a whole new level

user12: my heart just broke

user13: you should've announced that you had a gf first, my heart cant take this

danielricciardo: i'm a little late, don't know whats going on..so? congratulations? my condolences?

oscarpiastri: thank you daniel!!

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, and 691,616 others!

oscarpiastri: some more pictures of the wife since you all seem so curious! here’s my wife, yn, and her book store 🧡

view comments below!

user14: YN!!!! WE GOT HER NAME

user15: HALLELUJAH

user15: yn is a beautiful name

user16: HER bookstore?? she owns a bookstore??

user17: the way she probably has so much lore and we will never learn about it is so??

user18: we're only going to learn about when oscar randomly decides to drop some info: key example: THIS POST 😭

maxverstappen1: I KNEW HER NAME FIRST!!!

oscarpiastri: only because she's your biggest fan and she begged to meet you

maxverstappen1: stay mad

oscarpiastri: she's married to me??

maxverstappen1: and yet she's MY biggest fan

user19: DAMN MAX

user20: oscar was SILENCED

user21: i need to know when he them, how they got together, and what theyre wedding was like

user22: it kills me to know we will never get this information

user22: its actually so crazy how oscar said yn has been to all of the races so far?? like how didnt we notice her 😭

user23: what if shes been in front of us the whole time and we just mistook her for like a mclaren team member or something

user24: well now I have to go look at every single oscar picture out there and try to find something

user25: or you could, idk? respect that she doesnt want to show her face online?

user26: but thats no fun

charles_leclerc: it was great meeting her!! ❤️

user27: they met her? 💔💔💔

oscarpiastri: she says thanks for the lec ice cream!

user27: he gave her lec icecream?? 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

user28: ive only known about yns existence for a month and a half, but if anything happened to her, i would kill everyone on earth and then myself.

liked by oscarpiastri

. . .

note: thanks for requesting!! hope you enjoyed(*≧▽≦)

[verstarppen]

pairing; max verstappen x fem! mercedes admin! reader [ no faceclaim ]

a/n; due to popular demand here's the part 2; i see your comments: you asked and i deliver 🫶 [ series masterlist ]

liked by lewishamilton, georgerussell63, carmenmmundt and 299,546 others

mercedesamgf1 have some tits to distract you from that crash

view all 12,291 comments

georgerussell63 Does your boyfriend know you're posting this

mercedesamgf1 his tits are bigger why would he care

staraikkonen THE ADMIN IS KILLING ME

ceruleanwilliams it worked

g3org3zilla THANK YOU ADMIN FOR THE BLESSING 🙏

honeyvettel FOR FREE????

liked by schecoperez, maxverstappen1, christianhorner and 166,267 others

redbullracing Hot weather 🤝 Ice Baths, sorry for the wait. 😉

view all 56,342 comments

mercedesamgf1 booo post the vertiddies

goatlonso GIRL THIS AIN'T YOUR PRIV ACCOUNT strawberryrosberg TEARS

ynusername sorry correct account this time boooo post the vertiddies

schecoperez No comment lewishamilton Really? Seems like you always have an opinion ynusername can we go back to the more pressing issue lewishamilton Don't you already stare at his chest enough maxverstappen1 She does? ynusername ACCUSATIONS

liked by mickschumacher, maxverstappen1, danielricciardo and 295,199 others

ynusername us during wig gate btw

view all 86,280 comments

lewishamilton Blocked and reported

ynusername YOU'RE JUST MAD YOU GOT BAMBOOZLED

danielricciardo Things I ate and survived: That

ynusername i am in awe of your slaynergy (slay energy) mickschumacher 🙏🙏🙏

georgerussell63 Y'all hear something

ynusername stay mad georgerussell63 Praying for your downfall.

applenorizz HOW IS THIS WHOLE SITUATION REAL I-

lionkingseb wig gate is more entertaining than anything during silly season

liked by maxverstappen1, ynusername, pierregasly and 740,191 others

charles_leclerc This is my official audition for the next wig gate model. I'm ready 👠

view all 200,024 comments

ynusername are you sure this isn't an audition to date my boyfriend

charles_leclerc Never insult me like this ever again

arthur_leclerc jumpscare

maxverstappen1 I'll be frank, I dropped my phone.

charles_leclerc Hi, Frank ynusername wow i wish you dropped your phone when you look at me 💔💔😩 maxverstappen1 I would drop everything for you ynusername oh 🤭 charles_leclerc Get out of my comments and get a room.

liked by maxverstappen1, mickschumacher, charles_leclerc and 101,736 others

ynusername he's just a little guy

view all 42,009 comments

lewishamilton Please stop putting him on my timeline

ynusername this is your purgatory

patiencesainz i keep forgetting this man is 1.81cm

troubletauri FAMINE OVER, THANK YOU FOR FEEDING ORANGE ARMY MAX CONTENT

gonestappen LOOK AT HIM

georgerussell63 I wish instagram would create a muting posts feature

ynusername woomp woomp

pic credits: pinterest and instagram

[lxvvie]

Couples Shit with John MacTavish:

Johnny flirting with you. Endlessly. Since the moment he first met you. Even now, long after you two made it official, Johnny flirts with you every chance you get.

Being embroiled in a never-ending prank war with Johnny. The last one was calling Johnny by his full name just to watch those pretty blues widen, those brows shoot up, and worriedly asking you what's wrong. You got him good.

To piggyback off the last point, if you call him by his full name, he'll retort that it's Johnny, not John. Whenever you get angry with him and shout, "JOHN MACTAVISH!," he suddenly has something he needs to do and makes himself scarce.

Since we're piggybacking again, an everyday conversation with Soap can sometimes start like this: "Johnny." "Bonnie." "Hey, Johnny?" "...Hey, bonnie?" "...John MacTavish." "It's Johnny." Lovable doofus.

(For all my BG3 lovers out here) Joking around with Johnny after doing the horizontal tango. When he asks you how you liked it, you reply, "Oh, it was fine. ❤️" Fine, bonnie? Fine? Soap is processing this betrayal that man was never meant to know while you're trying not to laugh. Oh, he'll show you fine. Another round later and, "So how was it, Johnny?" "Oh, it was fine, bonnie. ❤️" And thus your first sex joke of many was born.

Johnny is just about barred from the bathroom every time you shower because you won't get any showering done. You have been bamboozled one too many by his claim that he "just wants to help clean you up".

Hurricane Johnny hitting your bed. Every time. You go to sleep and you wake up not knowing what the hell happened. You can sleep on your respective sides at night and come morning, Johnny has cocooned himself around you. Sometimes, your Labrador Whiskey hops up in bed and you wake up to Soap in the middle with an arm around Whiskey who's snoring away on the other side. Sometimes you wake to Johnny asleep under pillows you don't even remember being on the bed the night before.

Loving when Johnny's hair grows out on the sides because it's curly and just adds to the rugged Golden Retriever bad-boy schtick he has going on. That and his hair is soft. You two have talked about him possibly growing it out into a burst fade mullet and, quite frankly, he'd look amazing with it.

Whenever you and Johnny argue, you take some space to cool down but can never stay away for too long. Y'all make up on some, "Johnny?" "...Bonnie?" "Love you." "Love you, too." type stuff. The makeup sex is the icing on the cake.

You and Johnny being the ride-or-die couple. You two are extremely protective of each other. No one hurts your John-John (the way he grimaces whenever you call him that) and gets away with it.

You can never understand how your man, John MacTavish, intelligent and resourceful as all hell, a genius of a soldier who has endured all sorts of injuries and refused to stay in bed with all of them, can get knocked down on his ass and stay on his ass because of a cold. A cold. It's like he's dying and the world's ending, bonnie.

Johnny always having an arm around your waist whenever he possibly can. Always. Or his chin on your shoulder as he holds you from behind. 'Cause he loves touching you. He's obsessed with you.

[sunnystrollblog]

Creek: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Branch: AS ENEMIES?!

Creek:…

Poppy: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

Poppy : I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled.

Poppy : Three of the four elements are represented as types of hockey. Air hockey, ice hockey, and field hockey. Fire hockey needs to be a thing.

Branch: Fire hockey absolutely does NOT need to be a thing.

Creek: Do you care NOTHING for the balance of the four elements?!

Creek, holding an unconscious Poppy : Oh no. Please don’t be dead.

Branch: *nudges Creek at 3am* Pretty fucked up that we depict the moon as a girl and the sun as a boy. They're just floating rocks in space. Creek? Wake up, Creek! Listen! They're sexless!

Creek: The sun isn't a rock, go back to sleep.

Branch: Are pigeons drones?

Poppy : What? No, I'm trying to sleep.

Branch: Think about it. How come you've never seen a baby pigeon? And why do you never actually see a pigeon nest? Because they're DRONES!

Poppy : *Crying* Please let me sleep...

Creek: Branch doesn’t look very happy.

Poppy : That's their happy. They're just a bitch.

Creek: Hey I got you food, pick a number between 1 and 10.

Branch: Uh 4?

Creek: Wrong, no food for you.

Branch: Wait what?! WHY?! CREEK PLEASE—!

Branch: Poppy , we tried things your way.

Poppy : No, we didn't.

Branch: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

Poppy: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Creek: Okay.

Poppy: And make out during the scary parts.

Creek : Th-

Creek : The scary parts.

Creek : Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Branch: You know, sometimes dandelions remind me of Creek.

Poppy : Aww, is it because they’re like a little sunshine, spreading light and hope everywhere?

Branch: What? Gross, no, it’s because they’re like a weed that you can’t get rid of!

Creek: I’m scared that when you become rich and famous you’ll be embarrassed by me.

Branch: Oh Creek, I’m already embarrassed by you.

Branch: What’s up with you?

Creek: What do you mean?

Branch: You’ve been nice and helpful and considerate all day. What’s your game?

[frieschan]

QUERENCIA, chapter 2

(n.) where one feels home ; the place where you are your most authentic self

pairing - hybrid! ot7 x bunny hybrid! male! reader

genre - 18+, college au, hybrid au, fluff, eventual angst, eventual smut, humour

summary - you, a rabbit hybrid away from home to study, run into a group of surprisingly friendly and calm (also very attractive) predators who are a pack and live together suddenly run into your life like a bulldozer. the dull days of your life may turn into days of joy and laughter, or will the days turn into gloom and a sad everafter?

warnings (this chapter) - another one with mentions of some dark themes..

word count - 2.4k

prev // masterlist // next

Comfort. All you felt was comfort at this moment, you felt arms wrapped around you in a loving and caring way, a calming yet indistinguishable scent flowing to your nose.

You welcomed it, all this felt so right. You could see the kiss of the sun on your skin with a light beeze of the wind hitting you, you wished this could stay forever.

It felt as if you were complete at this moment. You felt so full and loved, so happy and like you were in heaven. This was how life is supposed to be, no worries, no doubt, just love and warmth all throughout.

Suddenly you felt a light brush of lips on your cheek and as you were about to turn around-

Everything had vanished.

You were now left empty, confused, even bamboozled as you open your eyes to the light colored walls of your room.

It was a dream? Damn it, of course it was a dream, you're a single prune with not a mate in sight. Since when did you get THIS touch starved? It's only been around.. 2-3 years since your last relationship?

You had never thought about it much before, you had your mind on other things like family, studies, ice-skating, ballet, and a couple of other things.

Never having an ounce of time to even just oogle and admire other guys on campus had finally taken a toll on you and you were starting to realize it. Maybe Jimin and Jungkook might just be your starvation.

The two are handsome hybrids that are torally your type, surely a small admiration wouldn't hurt anyone? As long as you have your boundaries set, it shouldn't go wrong.

You finally decided to check your alarm clock, it was 8:24 on a Sunday. Having a day-off to just relax and catch up on some shows shouldn’t be too bad, you already studied your butt off the night before yesterday just to be ahead for a few more lessons to remove some of the load. Yeah, you kinda do deserve this 'all about you day'.

Grabbing your phone from the nightstand, you turn it on to be greeted with a few messages from two new people. Opening up the first one, you are greeted with:

Kookie💭at 9:23pm: hey bun-hyung, just got home

Kookie💭at 9:24pm: already asleep? Ballet took a lot out of you lol, sleep well sweets

Kookie💭at 7:34 am: gm, just woke up for my jog, you down for some lunch in the new bistro at around 12? Jimin is gonna come and maybe another one of our guys.

You smiled at the way he remembered about texting you when they got home, the nicknames and invitation was what got a lot of your attention though. Finally deciding to reply to him:

Y/N🐰 at 8:29 am: good mornin' ♡ just woke up, yes I'd love to go out for lunch! Sounds like it'd be a date tbh hahah

Kookie💭 at 8:29 am: hmm? Would you like it to be only us?

Y/N🐰 at 8:29 am: so playful, wolfyboy!!!

Kookie💭 at 8:30 am: very cute sweets, but the lads are really lookin' forward to seein you

Y/N🐰 at 8:30 am: who might this other fellow be? 👀👀

Kookie💭 at 8:30 am: it's a surprise bun, dress smart casual or semi-formal by the way.

A guy that knows you might struggle with knowing what to wear and then telling you the theme on what to wear.. now that's just attractive. He'd sweep anyone off their feet.

In honesty, you were quite surprised at how comfortable Jungkook had gotten with you, not that you minded but you took him as someone who would only do the bare minimum to be polite and friendly to strangers.

You decided to check on what the feline boy could have texted you:

Jimin🐈‍⬛ at 9:26 pm: Kook and I got home safe! Hope the rest of your night is good.

Jimin🐈‍⬛ at 8:34 am: I heard I'll be seeing a bunny later in the afternoon? 😏

You laughed under your breath as you read the message, seems like news spreads fast in their house.

Y/N🐰 at 8:34 am: Indeed, a cute bunny boy will be spotted at the bistro!

Surely flirting here and there wouldn't be too bad? You really couldn't help it, the two were two of the most socially magnetic people you've met and you were honestly hoping a strong friendship would come out of this. Well, not like your heart slightly yearned for a little more than than the title as friends but you are getting a bit ahead of yourself. The love-starved part of your brain taking in the slightest bit.

Now that you had plans to go out in the afternoon, you decided getting out of bed right now would be the best option based on what time it already is. Already thinking about what could be a really good breakfast before you do your whole morning routine since everybody has to take care of themselves always.

11 pm was finally rolling around the corner so you decided it was time to shower, get changed, and get ready, the holy trio before going out.

Since Jungkook had mentioned that you could dress semi-formal or smart casual, you had opted for an outfit that perfectly suited the activity in mind. The outfit consist of an oversized gray sweater on top a white dress shirt, color out of course. You wore dar brown slacks with a black belt and your set of black men’s heeled dress shoes, you were dressing to impress with this outfit. Boosting your self confidence isn't gonna hurt anyone.

After putting everything on and very very very light makeup, mostly just to hide your eyebags, you were finally ready to go out to the bistro. The bistro in question not exactly suitable for a walk, since the distance between the bistro itself and your home was quite far, you decided to go through the metro and commute like a good citizen (and non-driving student)

After a few staircases underground and into the underground metro station, you were in the train on the same route to your bistro. The ride was going to be a bit long, being around 20-30 minutes so you decided to take a look at your surroundings as you leaned on a pole in the train.

Looking around, you found a few hybrids and non-hybrids conversing, them seemingly being in one big group but that wasn't what caught your attention, what caught your attention was a lone gray wolf hybrid sitting on one of the seats.

Noone had taken the seats next to him as if they were scared but what the wolf was currently doing was far from intimidating, same goes for the aura he was emitting. Looking at him, you judged him to be close to 6 feet, with nice and smooth looking black hair that reached his nape. He had rosy lips with sharp eyes as if they were of a dragons but all his attention was on the book in his hands. He was dressed in a comfortable yet smart casual attire, with the color scheme being browns and grays.

You could've looked at him for ages, he looked very peaceful yet gorgeous at the same time. Something in you felt like it wanted to gravitate towards him, want to talk to him maybe. So you did, being an impulsive person you are.

You took the seat next to him and took a small peek to what he could be reading. When you felt his eyes on you, you looked up from the book and to his face. His beauty upclose was completely unmatched comapred to your view earlier.

He greeted you with a soft and polite smile, not really minding the fact that you sat next to him but more so confused on the reason why.

"Ah, you just seemed like a very warm person to talk to, I hope I'm not disturbing you too much, I'm Y/N, a bunny hybrid" You start the conversation, sticking your hand towards him even while sitting down.

The wolf maneuvered his book to be stable enough to be held on one hand before taking your hand and shaking it.

"I'm Namjoon, a Gray wolf, and no you're not, I find your presence quite nice actually." He said while closing his book and setting it on his lap, setting all his attention on you.

"Where are you headed to, if you don't mind me asking?" You asked with a curious glint in your eyes, honestly you were confused where your social confidence came from but it was honestly welcomed.

"I'm just heading to the library to check out some books, potentially borrowing a few to take home if I spot a few interesting ones." Namjoon answered with a grin.

"That's really neat, what’s the title and plot of the book you were reading?"

"Oh, it was a philosophy novel by Osamu Dazai called 'No Longer Human', the main plot is about a guy caught in a crossfire between a breakup of Japanese aristocrats and western influence, it really shows you another outlook and perspective on what life is and what could be. It really depicts depression and anxiety really wel- Aishh, I'm rambling a bit, please forgive me." He said embarrassed, his eyes now looking at the floor with a hand scratching the back of his neck while a rose tint is on his cheeks.

You honestly found Namjoon adorable, though he is a predator, his personality and hobby seem far from it, if you didn't see his ears and tail, you would've honestly mistaken him for a full-human. Hybrids did seem to have a part of their animal somewhere in their personality, maybe this was just one of many sides from Namjoon. You couldn't wait to find out more from him.

"I'd love to check it out sometime, if you don't mind, how about we exchange numbers?" You suggested with a hopeful smile, a bit flustered with your request but you were going to shoot your shot nontheseless.

"Oh sure, here you go"

And that's how you ended up talking to Namjoon until you got to your stop, sadly bidding him farewell before getting off the train and making your way to the Bistro.

Now at the bistro, you waited outside the building to check your phone for messages from either of the two predators.

Jungkook 🐺 at 11:50 am: we're at a table at the corner sweets

Jungkook 🐺 at 11:51 am: i've got a black coat on and Jimin-shi has a turtleneck

Jungkook 🐺 at 11:51 am: if you can't find us, don't be scared to call me

After taking in the information, you finally walk into the restaurant and look around at the numerous tables of humans and hybrids alike, waiters and waitresses walked around with trays or taking orders. After a few minutes of scanning, you luckily found the predator duo with unfamiliar hybrid. Jimin was sat with his back towards the wall,  in front of him were Jungkook and the other hybrid that were both faced away from you.

You walked towards the table, Jimin had seen you and you caught the way his eyes lit up with a grin breaking out on his lips. His bread cheeks showing and his eyes barely visible.

The other two hybrids saw his reaction and were quick to look beside them, seeing you standing next to the table with a soft smile.

While the hybrids were just taking in your presence, you took this as your chance to examine the apppearance of their friend.

He had dirty blonde hair with black roots, looking fluffy and messy, but it fit him very well. He also had cat-like eyes, probably a bi-product from his hybrid, part snow leopard. His lips were just as blushy red and soft-looking as the two other predators. His outfit seemed to reflect his laid-back and calm attitude, sporting a plain white shirt underneath a black bomber jacket, jeans and some plain sneakers.

The other two had noticed your oogling and looked at eachother with a questioning look.

"Come here bunny, Take a seat next to me before we introduce you to our friend." Jimin patting the empty seat next to him which you happily took.

"So, this is Yoongi, a snow leopard that lives with us." Jungkook introduced you to him, Yoongi being sat in front of you. "Then this cute bunny is Y/N, Jimin's fellow ballet classmate."

"It's nice to meet you Y/N. I hope we get along well, yeah?" Yoongi put his hand across the table for you to shake, him sporting a smirk.

His voice wasn't exactly what you'd expect from his soft and sugar-sweet like appearance. His voice was deep, a slight noticeable accent in the way he pronounced his words. It was pleasant to the ears, it could potentially put you to slee if it weren't for the current environment.

You finally took his hand, and shook it. Your foot lightly thumping on the ground in excitement. "Back at you, Yoongi."

Yoongi admired the way his name rolled off your tongue, your voice like a melody from one of his songs, your voice was soft and kind, he could tell you were a very sweet and kind hybrid.

Jimin wrapped his tail around your waist, you snapped your neck to him in exasperation, shocked at the action. "What would you like to order, cutie?" He asked with a smirk.

He didn't miss the way your foot thumping had quicked, same as your heartbeat. He could also see a rose red bloom on your cheeks. You quickly averted your gaze, hands fumbling on the menu that was on the table to look at the options, also to hide your embarrassed face from the panther.

"The veggie pasta would be good! With a lemonade! Thankyou!!!"

Jimin laughed at your adorable reaction, the other two were amused at you, with each word you say they could feel themselves falling more and more in love. As if there was a magnetic pull..

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TAGLIST - @blehhhidk, @instantnarwhal, @singukieee, @weepyalex (just comment or dm to be added in masterlist !!, crossed out are people I couldn't tag)

notes - busted out this chapter in like 2 days.. I wrote this from my phone while chapter 1 was written on my computer, which do you guys prefer since I already have a chapter 1 rewrite brewing in my phone? I'd love to know which is better! this chapter was gonna be so much longer but I didn't want to delay it for another day so here ya go! would you also like shorter or longer chaps?

copyright © 2023 | frieschan

[the-kr8tor]

A KOOKABURRA....YK THE BIRDS? they gon bite yo tiddies stay away /j Daily Hobie HC! Week three, day five. Hobie's eyes pierce into your soul angrily as the trigger of the gun is cold and enticing against his finger. He holds it at you, his brows furrowing with hatred, blood dripping down the side of his face. The fight against you had been gruesome and heavy, and now, you both end up here in the standoff. The cold metal of the trigger against your hand is awfully enticing, a wide, toothy smile on your expression, cruel and hateful, throwing his own gaze right back at him. His gun was pointed perfectly at your head, and so was yours. The locked eye contact burned into both of your tainted souls, once pure and together, now turned against each other. His body tenses as you cackled with wide eyes, looking perfectly like a villain. What a shame. Someone he once loved, now the same person he stood against. Life was cruel, but you were worse. The next words coming out of your mouth was taunting and spiteful, daring him to shoot while your finger was firm on the trigger. Silence fell on the both of you, before Hobie opened his mouth to angrily retort. However, his words fell short as he accidentally choked on air, turning away from the camera and coughing. He noticed from the corner of his eye, the way you quickly broke character, unable to stop laughing, causing the others in the studio to begin giggling. Hobie swallowed thickly, appreciating your soft hand on his back, rubbing up and down to try and soothe the coughing. You leant your head against his upper arm, still giggling away. Once he managed to get the cough settled, he jabbed you playfully in the stomach, causing you to recoil. Hobie complimented your acting in a teasing tone, but you could tell by his eyes he was genuine. He had fully thought you went crazy for a moment, getting too into character, as you both usually did. The filmcrew called a break for now, with Hobie quickly grabbing your water bottle and taking a drink, smirking as you playfully hit his arm. You fondly roll your eyes towards him as he simply gives you the excuse of 'tastes better stolen.' Hobie watches as you go ask the director how long the break was, intent on possibly going to the small cafe around the corner to eat something. After a few minutes, he notices you coming back, immediately loosely wrapping his arms around you and bringing you close. He feels his heart melt as you peck his lips sweetly, the sound of food seeming more enticing than 'shooting' you earlier. You both begin to make your way to the small cafe around the corner, buying some pastries and iced chocolate as a treat. The fake blood dripping down the side of his face was gently wiped away by you before he took a bite of the croissant he got, making sure that he didn't eat it. Hobie leant into your touch, his eyes clearly full of love for you. He leans over the table, pressing a kiss to your forehead, however, you see past his sweetness, his fingers teasingly attempting to take a piece of your food. He chuckles and pulls away as he feels you lightly slap away his hands, returning back to his seat with feigned annoyance. After more chuckling, you two finally settle down in your own bubble of peace before break's over, savouring the pastries and drinks. -🐦‍⬛

NOOO NOT MY PRECIOUS GIRLS

Daily Hobie HC ‼️‼️‼️

YOOOOOO?!! They do be killin'

"life was cruel but you were worse" damnnnn

Oh the angst of it all----

I'VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED, HOODWINKED I TELL YA

Actor! Hobie my beloved I haven't seen u in so long 😍

Lmaooo he choked on nothing 😂 i don't blame r for laughing i would've done the same

They're so sweet on each other 🥺

Oh hobie you can steal my food anytime 😉 but do not touch my mf croissant

R wiping the fake blood off him before it drips on his bread 🥺🥺 the makeup artists would be annoyed for disturbing the consistency of the makeup between takes tho lol

So cute 🥰 i can imagine the paparazzi photos of them eating pastries on the curb while they're still in makeup and costume

[sergeifyodorov]

Hughes brothers for the character ask meme?

im going to be real my first impression of quinn was from noted quinn scholar tanya txstars talking abt him. i dont even know what the first little bit was about because i was like “yeah everyone i follow just has that one guy they’re obsessed with” and then i actually saw photos of quinn and then started to Get It.

jack was the more famous of the three from the getgo. I knew he was a devil but didn’t know which one was jack and which one was nico for a while so there is that

and i’m like 90% sure my first thoughts on luke were THERE’S A THIRD ONE???

IMPRESSION NOW

Quinn: he is my scrungly. More than the generic fact that i find him hot in a wetpathetic roadside cat kind of way and that i am impressed and delighted by his skating and his ice time, I do really genuinely like him. He comes across as somehow both an idiot well-meaning jock and as an honestly intelligent man; maybe he’s just an airhead stoner. He’s the eldest daughter of our dreams. He should absolutely be the next captain of the Canucks. He’s level-headed and stands up for his teammates off the ice (talking openly about how he thinks they mishandled an injury!?) and is just… an ideal man. He’s also definitely got ghosts after him.

Jack: NIGHTMARE CHILD. I probably first started to hear his name from all the xreader writers who wanted to take him to prom, but once you actually start looking at and seeing him beyond the Boy Band Fluff, he’s… kind of a greasy sharp-toothed demon child? I do like him -- quite a good deal, to be honest, but the instant he let sweat slick his hair back and the playoffs knocked a tooth out he immediately became Interesting to me, as opposed to just some mouse.

Luke: Luke’s relative lack of screentime means my impression is a lot less nuanced than the other two: he both terrifies and excites me. Terrifies because the Devils are in my conference so i’ll have to see him three times a year… and excites because Quinn, Ellen, and Jack all say that he’s the best of the three of them. Can you BELIEVE how good that would make him. Quinn’s one of the best offensive defencemen on the planet (and pretty good defensively, despite what you might think!) and still has a few years before his peak, Jack’s a hundred-point forward at 21, and Luke is BETTER THAN BOTH OF THEM. 

FAVOURITE MOMENT

Quinn: the “taking his ESL teammates out to the movies” is endlessly charming to me… even if he picked rather a terrible movie to show to his esl teammates. also pretending to be a really bad driver at petey. Older brother supreme

Jack: either aforementioned tooth loss or any of his comedic falling-overs. Third place goes to snarking to the media… that boy wants nothing to do w any of it. If he was in toronto they’d have ripped him jaw to tailbone

Luke: overtime gwg w jack assist!!!!!!

IDEA FOR STORY

Quinn: what if i told u im partway through a quinnfic as we speak… he is dealing with the horrors surprisingly well all things considered

Jack: i am not of the opinion that he should get like. romcom fluff. he is as of yet not that type of girl. Get his ass to the mobster movie/wizard maze/indiscriminate pwp. Send him to something violent and a little bit horny and way too complicated for his little brain full of titty magazine and bits of lint. Bamboozle him and cover him in blood and let him top badly. many people are saying this

Luke: until such time as we see Character Traits from him (im not a umich girly dont tell me anything you’ve seen from there) i am content to let him remain for now a background character. he’s big and he has jack’s nose and quinn’s eyebags and he’s the baby. That’s enough

UNPOPULAR OPINION

Quinn: i am a quinn will become a leaf eventually truther. not that every born leafsfan will become a leaf at some point in their career but he will. Not because he hates it in vancouver because im pretty sure he doesn’t… just that there’s destinies out there u can’t escape. Im also a quinn will become a devil eventually anti. he’s not going to do that he likes offseason brother time and offseason brother time only

Jack: the beard is a good look on him

Luke: tall people shouldn’t have older siblings it’s wrong

FAV RELATIONSHIP

Quinn: quinnpetey kissa time. petey’s cringe little gay romanticism is now going to lead him away from brock to A Person With A Sustainable Future As a Canuck… quinn is going to let petey infringe on his space and his feelings and his bedsheets. they will hold hands through the horrors (vancouver canuckdom)

Jack: now hear me out i want us to explore whatever freudian attraction he had to pk subban. nico is cool and all but there’s more out here

Luke: not in an incestfic way but i do love his relationships w his brothers… siblings i do not understand them

FAV HEADCANON

Quinn: there was once a canucks raffle, where you could win bags each of the canucks had chosen stuff for… most of it was kind of generic. wine, a trip somewhere nice in the city, sometimes you’d get a sweater or a record or something. quinn chose cast iron pans and a cookbook. he wants to know how to cook well, he drives a reasonable car instead of petey’s fancy sports cars, he gets esl teammates to repeat his meaning back to him so he knows they understand. he’s grounded in a way few hockeys are and this is part character analysis from what we know and part extrapolation but that’s SO fascinating to me. i think he also knows stuff like how to sew on a button and clean an oven and tie a tourniquet.

Jack: could do sweet tricks on the trampoline

Luke: i dont think he’s going to take after either of his brothers in the personality department… he cares too much he’s going to suck up to the media way more when they want him. He’s avoiding that for now by being shy but he very much did puke into that garbage can at the frozen four he CARES

[kevinwikse]

CALIFORNIA LIBERALS DONE SMOKED THEY/THEM SELVES RETARDED.

Ah, California—the land of sunshine, surf, and a self-righteous liberal delusion so thick you’d need a blowtorch to cut through it. Enter Gavin Newsom, the grinning mannequin straight out of a nightmare, blending Norman Bates' creepy vibe with Guy Smiley’s sociopathic charm. This guy could sell ice to an Eskimo, and the Eskimo wouldn’t realize he’d been screwed until the ice melted. But here’s the real kicker: California, the land of weed, free love, and rainbow-tinted social justice, just got bamboozled by its own golden boy.

That’s right, folks—Governor Psycho has proposed a ban on hemp manufacturing. Let that sink in for a second. Weed, the sacred cow of the California liberal identity, is now under threat from the very man you put on a pedestal. All you “progressive” Cali kids, with your gender pronouns and your vaccine selfies, must be feeling like someone just kicked you square in the ideology. But Newsom? He’s playing the long game. And if you’re surprised, well, you’re even dumber than I thought.

Let me break it down for you, my confused and indoctrinated simpletons. It’s not just about banning hemp—it’s about control. It's the same game the British played with opium in Hong Kong. Now that the CCP and Mexican drug cartels have their sticky fingers deep in California’s grow operations, the stage is set for the black market to flourish once again. And guess who benefits? The state’s for-profit prison system, chomping at the bit to lock up a new generation of “recreational” users. Newsom's just greasing the wheels for the next wave of cheap labor—courtesy of all you gullible potheads.

You thought weed was a right, a part of your freewheeling lifestyle? Guess again. It’s just another trap, and Newsom's holding the keys to your cell. So while you're out there getting high on your moral superiority, just know that the state’s waiting to cash in on your inevitable fall. But you won’t see it coming, because you’re too busy sipping overpriced lattes and patting yourselves on the back for being the "wokest" bunch in America.

Liberals—undoubtedly the dumbest creatures on this planet.

-Kevin Wikse

[timeofjuly]

And Four Papyri in a Pear Tree

Chapter 4 - Theatrical, Dramatic, Flairful

Summary: You and Papyrus compete in a MTT-broadcasted gingerbread house making competition. You avoid being singed by fireworks.

Notes: The fourth chapter of And Four Papyri in a Pear Tree, my four-part holiday series focusing on festive-themed dates with Rus, Edge, Stretch, and Papyrus.

Tags: Reader/Papyrus, fluff, established relationship.

Read it on AO3 or read it below the cut!

"For someone who insists that they’re not anxious, you’re doing an uncanny impression of a highly-strung human,” Papyrus says to you. “Do I need to unstring you? Or is this just a well-thought strategy to bamboozle our competition? It’s very impressive if you are. You should tell me; we’re teammates, after all. For maximum effectiveness, I should be part of your strategy.”

“I’m okay, This isn’t televised live, right?” you murmur back, your fingernails drumming on the countertop. You’re making a very concentrated effort to appear nonchalant, but you’ve landed closer to nervous.

The finger-tapping probably isn’t helping. Cool, calm, and collected cooks don’t jitter and you’ve seen enough episodes of the Great British Bake-off to know what happens to the twitchy contestants. Shaky hands cause disaster; the last thing you need is to end up with a pile of broken gingerbread on the floor. Especially if this is being televised live and considering the array of cameras and bustling workers around the studio, you are leaning towards yes.

“Fear not, my fellow gingerbread constructionist extraordinaire,” Papyrus replies, volume far louder than yours, “not only is this competition being broadcasted to countless households and being witnessed by a live studio audience, it’s also being recorded! This episode will be played for many years to come and available to stream on four different streaming services! Our efforts today will not be forgotten!”

Welp, that’s your fears confirmed. No pressure or anything.

Of course Papyrus isn’t nervous – as the monster mascot, he does things like this all of the time. You, on the other hand? This is your first time in a TV studio, much less being in front of the camera itself. It’s also your first time attempting to make a gingerbread house which seems… ill advised.

“You’ve done this before, right?” you ask your boyfriend, voice still low.

“This is a competition for amateur bakers?” he says, voice still loud. “So of course not? Where’s the fun in beating opponents you outclass? That would defeat the spirit of the contest!”

You look around the studio at the other competitors. There’s an even mix of monsters and humans making up six competing couples in total, including you and Papyrus. Looking at them, you get the feeling that they all seem far more prepared and confident than you.

Lucky you've got Papyrus with you; he's got enough confidence for the both of you.

You take a deep breath to steady your nerves. Papyrus is right - this is supposed to be fun. And you have an advantage that none of the other contestants have: you're here with your enthusiastic, supportive boyfriend who always manages to lift your spirits.

You're also handy with a rolling pin and aren't above bludgeoning your way to victory.

You turn your attention to the ingredients and tools laid out before you on the studio kitchen countertop. There are sheets of gingerbread, jars of colourful candy, tubes of icing in every shade imaginable, and an assortment of tools, including a hopefully unnecessary but promisingly hefty rolling pin.

The studio itself is a riot of colours, decked out with twinkling lights and festive decorations, with an equal amount of MTT branding. There’s a huge leaderboard, currently blank, that sits above all of your worktables, along with an unmoving timer sitting at one hour. The lights are so bright that you can barely make out the audience in front of you, but you know that they’re there. It's dazzling.

You and the other contestants have borrowed some of the glamour. You’ve all been primped and preened within an inch of your lives; you’ve been beautified by a very talented make-up artist and Papyrus’ bones gleam white under the beam of the studio lights. You’re wearing nice new clothes too in a festive green shade, whilst he looks dashing in a red ensemble.

It’s fun being Papyrus’ plus-one. Which you are, even though he’s assured you a dozen times that you’re as important of a contestant as him, but you know that you’re just here because of him. Everyone has been treating him – and by proxy, you – like a freaking movie star, offering you snacks and drinks, touching up your make-up. Several audience members and two of your fellow contestants even asked for his autograph, and he’d insisted on you scribbling your name down too.

You forget, sometimes, that you’re dating a bona fide celebrity, but it’s really, really nice to be reminded. It makes the primal, caveman part of your brain do funny things. Some monkey combination of pride and possessiveness, maybe? It thinks yep, you’re right, he is the best, and he’s with me.

You’re pulled from your unhinged thoughts by an assistant, a harried looking monster clutching a clipboard, bustling up to the middle of the studio. "Places everyone!" she calls out, pulling the attention of everyone else in the studio. You straighten up and watch as the other employees take their places behind cameras and microphones. "We're going live in 5...4...3..."

You take a deep breath and shake out your hands, willing away the last of your nerves. Showtime.

The assistant finishes the countdown and you hear the MTT theme song start playing. The studio lights dim and a single spotlight shines down on Mettaton, a burst of energy in a bedazzled suit, as he emerges from a hidden lift in the middle of the stage. Several fireworks go off with an ear-splitting boom and the assistant ducks to avoid getting her eyelashes singed off.

You make mental note to avoid standing too close to the centre of the studio.

The audience erupts into applause. You clap along with them, very impressed with the theatrics of it all. You’ve seen Mettaton plenty of times on TV and had met him once, very briefly at Papyrus’ last birthday (more than enough to make an impression, though) but there’s something different about seeing him like this. You can see how people get swept up in celebrities.

His voice, animated and confident, reverberates through the studio as he addresses the camera and the live studio audience. "Darlings and gentledarlings, ginger enthusiasts, and bread aficionados, welcome to the most dramatic gingerbread house-making competition of the season!"

The applause continues for a good five minute; several times it starts to lapse, and the assistant has to whip the enthusiasm back up. Your hands hurt by the end of it.

Once Mettaton seems satisfied, the studio quiets and he explains the rules of the competition - each couple has one hour to construct the most creative, structurally sound gingerbread house using the ingredients provided.

You know all of this already, of course, have had to sign half a dozen forms and waivers and know the rules and hidden regulations like the back of your hand. Mettaton is all about safety nowadays, which, going by the stories you’ve heard about bloodshed and real lasers underground, hasn’t always been the case. You feel mostly confident that you’re going to emerge from this with all of your limbs still attached.

Beside you, Papyrus is practically vibrating with energy, skeletal hands fluttering over the ingredients as he waits for the signal to start. His enthusiasm buoys you, making you smile despite yourself. Who cares if you make a mess of things on live TV? You're here to have fun with your boyfriend, not win prizes.

… okay, you do kinda care, just a little. You want to win! You've always liked working with your hands and making things - hopefully some of that creative spirit will carry you through.

"Now, let the gingerbread extravaganza begin!” Mettaton says. “May the most creative couple win, but remember, it's not just about the gingerbread – it's about the theatrics, the flair, and the sugar-fuelled drama!"

With that, the studio erupts in applause, and the competition officially kicks off. The studio lights come back on and an upbeat holiday song begins playing. Adrenaline smacks into you with the force of a rolling pin to the back of the head.

You clap your hands together, needing to diffuse the energy somehow, and turn to Papyrus. Out of the corner of your eye you can see a camera trained on the two of you. Game face on!

He beams at you, but you can see the glint in his sockets. “There are two key things to take into account when building a structurally sound gingerbread building. The first is a level, sturdy foundation, and the second is the adhesive qualities of the icing. Fortunately, there is also two of us, which is the perfect amount of person to divide between the tasks.”

“I’ll do the icing,” you say, pulling a bowl towards you. You grab a whisk and begin beating the pre-made icing in the bowl, determined to get it to the perfect smooth, sticky consistency for piecing together pieces of gingerbread.

You whisk the icing vigorously, glancing up at Papyrus as he carefully lays out pieces of gingerbread in an organized pattern, ready to be assembled. He looks so focussed and you kinda – okay, really want to kiss him, but you don’t quite have the hand-eye coordination to whisk and kiss simultaneously.

"Looking good so far!" you say as you lift the whisk from the thick, glossy icing. You’re tempted to dip your finger in to taste it, but you’re not being graded on flavour.

The two of you start using your icing to piece the house together. You and Papyrus work together seamlessly, assembling the walls and foundation of the structure with efficient teamwork. As you pipe icing along the edges of each new piece and Papyrus precisely positions it, the basic structure begins to take shape before your eyes.

Once you’re done, the foundations of the house look solid. There’s a reason why you chose to do the icing; Papyrus has a head for this sort of stuff and the evidence of his skill sits on the bench in front of you. The walls are neatly assembled, each piece fitting seamlessly with its counterparts. The royal icing, now dry and firm, acts as glue, creating strong bonds between the gingerbread panels.

The basic shape of it is familiar. You’ve seen photos of his and Sans’ house in Snowdin and, as your eyes trace the shape of the two-storey house, the shed, the two letterboxes – it clicks.

“Should we put icing on the top to look like snow?” you ask, voice heavy around the fondness that’s welled up in your chest.

He agrees and the two of you begin decorating. The cameras make their rounds around the room and you’re happy to let him handle the interviews, only offering commentary when you think you have something sufficiently quippy to say. You hope you get a good edit; you’d like to be the sassy wise cracker but you’ll settle for thoughtful girlfriend.

As you decorate, you occasionally glance up at the other competitors. Most seem focused on constructing the basic structure, walls steadily going up around gingerbread foundations. But one couple in particular catches your eye – they’re working in sync, movements fluid and practiced as they assemble what looks to be a fucking gingerbread church, complete with soaring spires and stained sugar glass windows.

No way those two are amateur decorators. You’re indignant; Papyrus is right, it’s less fun when someone sullies the integrity of the contest. At least when you’re not the one cheating.

"We need an edge," you mutter, nudging him with your elbow. Your hands are all sticky and candy-covered, fingertips stained rainbow with food dye. "Look at that one over there! We need - what did Mettaton say? Theatrics? Flair? Drama?”

"Excellent idea," he says. "And you know what the most theatrical, dramatic and... flairful? Flair-iffic?”

“I like flairful,” you offer.

“Theatrical, dramatic, flairful. There’s only one thing that can satisfy all three of those categories.”

“… we can steal one of the fireworks? Shove it down the chimney? I guess having a real smoke effect would be cool, but we'd actually have to make a chimney first.”

“No! Puzzles! Traps! Clever, confounding conundrums!”

“Oh!” You feel a little better about that. “Okay then, how’re we going to add puzzles in?”

"How about a candy cane ladder that leads to nowhere, or a gumdrop bridge that collapses when you step on it? We'll make our gingerbread house an adventure!"

The traps become a collaborative effort. Papyrus designs a liquorice door that swings open when you touch a specific sequence of gumdrops, revealing a surprise candy stash on one side and sharp spikes on the other. There’s a peppermint slide that leads to a marshmallow pit – again, with spikes beneath the fluffy outer layer -, and a candy cane swing that may or may not launch you into a whipped cream cloud.

“Ten minutes left, darling contestants!” Mettaton says. A gong sounds and you jump, heart suddenly in your throat.

You scramble to finish the rest of the decorations and by the time that nine minutes and forty seconds pass, you’re happy enough to stand back and survey your combined work. Papyrus does the same and you grasp hold of his hand, bringing them both to rest on the countertop.

The resemblance to the house in Snowdin is uncanny, even though it’s made entirely of gingerbread, icing, and candy. There’s even an icing snow-Papyrus, a snow-lump that you’re pretty sure is Sans, and a snow-you.

It’s a masterpiece. You don’t even bother looking at the creations of the other competitors. It doesn’t matter.

Instead, you watch the seconds tick down to zero and hold his hand tight.

[streamdotpng]

i got some more white slang you can write enid using

news flash buddy

bamboozle

calling someone chief

dagnabbit

and all that jazz

livin the dream

as if

that's just the way the cookie crumbles

i reckon

what's the plan stan (note: the person's name does not need to be, and typically is not, stan)

crack-a-lackin

hoodwinked

holy moly

holy smokes

holy cow

that's outta this world

holy cow that's outta this world

you're on thin ice pal/buddy

funky fresh

scrum diddly umptious

tell ya what

that's all i got for now lol

i.. why is there so much....

[lighthearted-pewpews]

purposefully dumb ooc ow hcs my friends and i discussed:

🦊‼️ shimada brothers + kiriko edition

hanzo & genji do like bbq actually. genji prefers honey bbq the most though; contrary to hanzo's favored type. it's not like they constantly argue or anything but it's up to you if they reach an agreement. kiriko's a ranch type of girl fr. for chips? kiriko's sour cream n onion (not self projection).

"oh hey guys so uh haha i got some chips for us!" kiriko pipes up, accidentally walking into a provoking conversation the shimada brothers were discussing (honey bbq vs standard??). they both turn around and look at her; the girl holding an ever-so familiar green bag—sour cream and onion flavoured chips.

hanzo drinks coke and genji has sam's cola as his fave (they're literally like the same i think). kiriko prefers pepsico products because they're sweeter to her (pepsi, dr. pepper, mtn dew). also genji would like lemon lime stuff maybe possibly indefinitely.

also hc that he probably was a soda junkie or something in his youth. over time though he kinda savors it like a "fine wine"; where he'd prefer to not have it by himself. rather, he'd drink it to complement a certain food he's having. this one actually makes sense somehow.

hanzo's a playstation person, genji's xbox, and kiriko's nintendo. basically colour coded fr. apparently also: hanzo's pc, genji's console, and kiriko's mobile. though, my friend INSISTS that genji's a mobile player (he plays mobile fortnite and probs got that samsung galaxy skin).

hanzo plays fortnite also to "practice his aim". genji (un)ironically gets all of the anime collab skins and somehow is goated with pickaxing the poor players early on. kiriko is their supplies manager and carries all of their meds and shields because the brothers are busy collecting all of the cool broken guns.

i'm unsure who'd be super good at building. i feel like they'd purposefully play on no build because "only the most talented players don't rely on building" or something dumb as kiriko instinctively pressed the buttons to build stairs as they get third-partied.

btw kiriko loves driving cars esp the fast sports ones and makes one of them sit on top of oit (since only two players max can get on it). she interrupts battles that other plays are in and has genji and hanzo pick off the surviving ones like little scavengers.

they're so good and can actually get into comp stuff, but they'd rather not since they're "lighthearted" (hanzo's upset he's getting bot lobbies and genji's getting reported for "hacking" whilst kiriko's the string holding the whole team together).

if they played splatoon obvs you can tell hanzo's stringer, genji's splatana and maybe kiriko's something supportive like n-zap whilst still having great frontline potential.

i know a lottt more about 2 than 3 actually. i'd say maybe genji would like things with echolocator even if that's more of a widow thing. i thought of reg. squiffer first but that's my main but i think mainly it's how genji can rush in and w aggressive front/mid-line squiffers you just see them go in and out of the ink, trying to kill you w either trickshots or something dumb (it's ok ily guys). also genji's ranged too as well.

maybe also he might play roller because 1: technically melee (his sword) + in reference to his shurikens, the vertical and horizontal spray of the roller can be in reference to his. or maybe he's ANNOYING and plays carbon roller (deco) with ninja squid. ninja squid.

hanzo plays pure mpu bamboozler and then shits on other players for having pure gear because "it's way more affective to have a mixed, sorted array subs instead of trying to make it all the same"/j

tbh the whole "genji, hanzo and kiriko" stuff is just literally splatoon 3 splatfests honestly. hanzo's vanilla ice cream, genji's chocolate, and kiriko's strawberry. i don't know how to explain it.

[magnorious]

Frozen is a Much Stranger Movie Than I Remember: A Retrospective

I feel like Frozen is one of those movies where there’s two camps: It’s indefensively bad because it was obnoxiously popular and there’s nothing good about it, or ignoring the haters because they’re haters and loving every piece of it (or camp three who don’t give a damn one way or another). The music was all over the internet ad nauseam, yes, but I see a different problem with Frozen:

Anna is our hero and this movie has no idea what to do with her, so it punishes her.

Frozen’s musical numbers do a lot of the legwork to make it seem like a better story than it is, and people have ripped apart Hans in the decade plus since its release. We all know he’s a terrible twist villain consistently at the top of “worst twist villains” lists. We all know Elsa was originally supposed to be the villain but “Let it Go” sent the writers into a panic spiral and they just couldn’t bear keeping her the bad guy. We know the parents are kinda shady? And the movie just ignores that.

But upon a rewatch because “Love is an Open Door” was stuck in my head… the premise for so much of this movie is so much weirder and nonsensical than I remember and in all the discourse I’ve seen over the years, it gets mostly ignored in favor of attacking the songs and Hans.

The prologue (after the ice cutters bit) where young Elsa and Anna are building the snowman and Elsa accidentally almost murders her sister, which leads to the rush to the rock trolls and the Worst Parenting Advice in a Disney movie.

Side note: Baby Elsa and Anna could be triplets with Vanellope von Schweetz, they have the exact same faces. And it’s the middle of the night when they’re supposed to be sleeping but Elsa sleeps with a headband on and their parents apparently also sleep in full royal regalia, complete with a tiara for Queen Whats-her-face?

Then you get the “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” montage where the parents die, Anna grows up, and Elsa sinks further into paranoid anxiety. All of this sets up Anna’s clueless naivete that leads her into insta-romancing Hans and ignoring all of the warning signs (that weren’t there but the movie punishes her anyway).

Anna and Elsa did not grow up as orphaned peasant girls living in the countryside. Anna is isolated from her sister, yes, but she lives in a castle filled with guards, maids, kitchen staff, and presumably has an army of tutors who educate her on booksmarts, how to ride her horse, how to be a proper court lady, and how to eventually lead the country Elsa abandons.

A regent of some kind is running Arendelle until Elsa’s of age to become queen, right? Where is he? Or she?

Where the f*ck are all these servants?

Did Ana not make a single friend with any of her maids’ daughters or sons? Does she not have a tutor or teacher she absolutely adores? How did this entire castle not have a single person to mentor this poor naive girl in how to have interpersonal relationships so their future queen doesn’t get manipulated into marriage by a gaslighter?

If I’m a citizen of Arendelle and Hans becomes my new king and he’s absolutely terrible in every way, and I hear the reason why is “well our immature queen (who we didn’t educate at all on politicking) got duped and bamboozled into marrying him with zero resistance or question,” I’m not going to be too happy with my government.

Anna is kept in the dark by Elsa and her entire invisible and inconsequential staff of servants and is punished by the narrative when she tries to reconnect with her sister, desperately wanting to rekindle their relationship. She literally had her memory wiped. Where’s all the intervening adults saying “uh, hey, Anna, Elsa doesn’t actually hate you, she’s just a danger to herself and everyone around her and we’re complicit in doing nothing to help her.”

Elsa makes it clear she wants nothing to do with her sister in her little ice castle, and Anna refuses to let her go. Then Elsa intentionally hurts her to make her leave and every other character basically says “I told you so,” as if this is her fault.

She’s punished further by the narrative when Hans, the guy who seems amazing to everyone, including the audience, randomly and inexplicably betrays her. Anna is not given the agency to figure this out for herself. She doesn’t beat Hans to it, realizing something doesn’t add up and have the epiphany that she “can’t marry a man she just met”.

Disney, you can still have a twist villain and let the heroes do their due diligence in discovering so, even seconds before they would have revealed themselves.

So Anna gets suckerpunched and Elsa has to go save her and we get the little Elsa redemption and Anna gets to punch Hans off the boat and still fall in love with a man she just met, Kristoff. Movie’s over, happy ending, roll credits.

Frozen sits at the cusp of that Disney era where they’re trying to be all cool and self-aware by insulting their own movies, and by proxy, the audience who loves said movies, with the whole “bashing the insta-romance,” in a serious case of lampshading.

The messages this movie I think tries to send are quite explicitly stated:

“Only true love can thaw a frozen heart” (which absolutely should have been Elsa’s frozen heart, not Anna’s)

“Some people are worth melting for”

“You can’t marry a man you just met”

The problem is that Frozen botches every single one.

Without any indication that Elsa is capable of being “saved” or even wanting to be “saved” Anna gives her life in the name of an apparently unrequited love. Anna might have not fully given up on her sister, but given the evidence presented to her, she really should have, for her own safety. Some people are not worth melting for, Anna, and your castle of thumb-twiddlers failed you on understanding that.

The writers realized that without Elsa as their villain, they needed something in her place, and that mutated into Hans, but they had a much better villain from the start: The parents.

The parents who are ashamed of their own daughter’s violent condition and instead of treating her and helping her, they force her to hide and smother her ice, rip away her sister, and make her feel compelled to isolate herself in her room for fear of hurting people.

The parents who left no instruction or contingency plan in the event of their untimely demise, no senior staffer to take over raising their daughters, no adult figure to help them both become effective leaders.

Anna is our hero and her story boils down to “young girl nearly dies in an innocent accident caused by sister, has her memory of the incident erased and her sister then inexplicably isolated from her, believing the sister to hate her for no reason. She grows up, apparently, with no friends and no mentors and when presented with the chance to finally reconnect with her estranged sibling, through no fault of her own, causes said sibling to erupt in a violent panic attack and flee the premises. Meanwhile, after a touch-starved and emotionally stunted childhood, she quickly falls for the apparent man of her dreams who’s perfect in every way, and she leaves him in charge while she chases after her equally victimized sister on a dangerous quest. The sister, predictably, hurts her again, everyone says “I told you so,” and the man who she thought was perfect is suddenly a completely different person who takes advantage of her naivete because… girls in love are dumb? She nearly dies hoping her now-abusive sister wants to save her and when she does, she’s immediately forgiven.”

I’m not going to talk about Frozen 2 here, because it treats Anna no better. This movie is just baffling in its messaging.

Without properly addressing the Terrible Parenting Advice, Frozen suggests Elsa’s parents did the right thing, or at least the best they could, in traumatizing and isolating their daughter and teaching her to hate herself and fear her powers.

Without any evidence of Hans’ true intentions, Anna is either a dumbass for not being clairvoyant or, what, she should learn to be skeptical of everyone she meets out of fear that they’ll become another Hans?

By making Elsa freeze Anna after finally liberating herself from her trauma shackles, all Elsa’s anxious fears about hurting the people she loves with her ice come true. Because the plot resolves with Elsa saving Anna, instead of the other way around, Elsa must hurt her sister before she can help her, and in 5 seconds she’s cured.

If I was going to rewrite Frozen, since Disney sure loves generational trauma now instead of actual villains, my Frozen would look something like this:

Our hero Anna and our villain Elsa are royal sisters. Keep the same first 30 mins or so, up to Elsa fleeing the castle. Anna, after being kept in the dark by her parents and servants for her whole life, must uncover why her sister has these powers and why her parents, whom she loved and adored, abused Elsa. Elsa becomes the victim she is, still gets her “Let it Go” moment, but instead of the “it” being just her shackles, it’s the abuse of her parents, and her coming to terms with understanding just what they did to her and how wrong they were.

Anna then gets to chase after her and you still get the oopsie where Elsa attacks her, but this time it’s a near-miss that still terrifies her and sends Anna away. The missing parental figure who should have raised her and Anna (but still had their own flaws, and could have done better), stays behind and starts to break through Elsa’s frozen heart and helps her understand that her condition does not control her, that she can still fix this, that she isn’t the villain her parents made her out to be. Elsa doesn’t want to listen, she’s convinced nothing can now be done. She is doomed, but returns home anyway to face the consequences of her actions at the ball.

Anna returns home and figures out that Hans is phony and means to betray her and she beats him to it, regaining her agency along the rest of the plot and maturing in her understanding of the complex and conflicting depth of the people in her life. And it’s Anna, not Elsa, who breaks the “frozen heart” of her sister, by still loving her unconditionally despite her ice, and it’s Anna’s love, not Elsa’s, that helps Elsa control her powers and learn to appreciate them.

And, she can still have Kristoff in the end, why not?

TL;DR, Frozen is the product of catchy musical numbers too expensive to cut because they’ve already been animated, dominating the storytelling process that results in a troubling, nonsensical plot with mixed and frankly disturbing messages. But hey, they sold some Elsa dolls and dresses and racked up billions of views on YouTube, didn’t they?

[sabrinaacarpenters]

Thoughts on s2?

im very 50/50 on it to be honest, there were some parts that i really liked but all in all i liked season 1 so much more

i loved that they changed alina's ending, i hated how the trilogy ended and i'm book m/alina's number one hater so i did not give a fuck that they broke them up tbh. i was fine with them in the show in s1 but in s2 they bored me to tears and they got together way too fast in my opinion. also i think she had way more chemistry with nikolai so even though zoyalai is one of my otps i don't mind that if the show gets cancelled they're kind of endgame here, since i'll always have the books. and i'm so here for dark!alina!!

for the crows part, i loved the kanej scenes from the books even if they were completely out of order lmao but amita and freddy has amazing chemistry so i ate up all their scenes i think wesper was very rushed, i don't like how they made them sleep together prior and i think their dynamic is the most different from their book counterparts, but if we don't get s3/a spinoff at least they're endgame now one of my biggest gripes with this season is NOT ENOUGH HELNIK!! i truly hoped that even though we wouldnt get the ice court heist they would break matthias out of hellgate in the second part of the season in like individual storylines for them, even though i did not like how quickly kaz took down pekka, freddy's performance was amazing in episode 4, truly one of the highlights of the season for me. and my girl nina had so many amazing scenes this season i was very happy for her. i think jesper was a bit sidelined this season compared to the previous one, but i loved the dream/hallucination scene with his mom and it was great to see him embracing his powers; its going to be interesting how the heist plot changes now that he's not hiding it wylan is very much still a blank slate which i like, bc thats similar to how it was in the first book. matthias being plagued by sex dreams was basically the only thing he had going on but you know what im not complaining lmao inej already leaving to hunt down slavers was a change i did not like, and what was that look between her and tolya??? i was bamboozled. i also feel like they erased a huge part of her backstory and trauma, which i hope they'll rectify given the chance, my insane conspiracy theory is that tante heleen isn't actually dead and she'll show up at the ice court

killing david was sick of them tbh and i hate it but still the biggest crime was putting zoya in the ugliest baby pink gown they could find in the last ep. they truly did my girl so dirty