#you develop some weird mental health issues!

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[kateis-cakeis]

people are really so weird and so fatphobic huh

(and oops most of my commentary is in the tags XD)

[televisionlassie]

I feel like people don’t realize how jarring it probably for all of Bruce’s kids to be adopted.

There’s this strange idea the adoption is “saving” a kid, and I get how in some ways this can be true for people but imagine being the kid. You’re taken away from everything you’ve ever known and sent with some person, you barely know. That can be traumatizing. Adopted children (even if they are adopted by a good family) are at a much higher risk of mental health issues and developing learning disabilities.

Now imagine this for each of Bruce’s children.

Dick grew up in a traveling circus, he was used to never staying in one place for long. He was surrounded by many different families and cultures. He went from living like that to juvie. And even after he moved in with Bruce it’s still completely different from living in the circus.

Cass was treated like she was a weapon. She wasn’t a human to people. When she was adopted her whole perspective on her life and being human was changed, and she just had to adjust because no one could understand that.

Jason was literally a street kid. I think he’s the easiest to say Bruce “saved” but it is still a HUGE. difference in lifestyle. He went from fending for himself, never relying on anyone and having to steal just to feed himself, to living in a place that is quite literally the complete opposite of that.

The thing about Tim is there is a weird misconception that he was like horribly neglected, and he was sort of, but his parents loved him. He definitely had a good childhood. I hate to say one of them would have it easier because I don’t think any of their situations were easy, but Tim definitely had it easier to adjust. Doesn’t mean it’s still not shocking to have to get used to a completely new family dynamic.

Duke had a loving family. He might not have been rich but he had a family that he loves and grew up with. The worst part about his situation is that his parents are still alive but they can’t take care of him anymore. He has to live with a new family and treat them like that while knowing his real family is still alive and there’s nothing he can do to go back to the way it was.

Damian literally grew up in the fucking league of assassins, he was treated like a prince but also a weapon. He had to go from everyone treating him like a prince and that he’s above them or like a pet to be trained by his grandfather to being treated like any other person. He wasn’t given special treatment and favoritism by his new family and had to get used to that.

This isn’t even mentioning the culture shock Dick, Cass, Duke, and Damian would’ve experienced. I like to believe Bruce would’ve been a good enough parent to learn about their cultures but it’s different coming from a man who had no personal connections to your culture.

Anyway I just felt like ranting about this.

[roxineedstosleep]

Also what does the Superfam/superman do for doctor/dentist appointments? Does the Superfam constantly x ray you to check for issues?

What would they do if you have a toothache? Or would they notice before you?

(Sorry if this is a lot. I’m currently stuck in bed for a few days.)

Also could I get added to your taglist on everything?

They would definitely know if you've been brushing your teeth properly and could try to do something about taking you to the dentist when they notice that your wisdom teeth are becoming more of a nuisance than they should be.

If Clark hadn't been a reporter, a job as a dentist would have fallen almost perfectly into his lap.

If it is a Yandere affair?

The Kents would definitely (especially the Kryptonians in the family) be checking your vitals from time to time.

X-rays, super hearing, definitely the latter.

They would know what's going on with you at any given moment, especially if they notice that something is not within what they consider your ‘normal range’. Of course, Kon and Jon would be quicker to notice how weird it is, considering they do have human DNA in their bodies and can better parameterize some things. Clark, ironically, knows by theory what's right and wrong with your human body, but by the very fact that he has no real idea - he kind of knows what it's like to have a fever and what it should feel like and he knows what it looks like, but he's never really experienced it himself - so he's a little dependent on what the kids and Lois can tell him.

To be honest, I think they might determine more short-term things than long-term things.

Example: a fever, allergies, vomiting, stomach upset. If it has an external factor as a cause, they might know how to handle it.

But more long-term illnesses, I don't think so.

Like, if the reader, for some reason, was developing cancer, I don't think they would notice it until the early stages.

I mean, Clark knows a lot about human anatomy because he's interested, and I'm sure his kids know something out of necessity. But, there are parts of the body that are always mutating.

The cells of the body are always developing for something or renewing themselves. If it's an aggressive one they can probably detect some anomaly, but if it's one that takes a while to show signs… they may even be a little late in noticing exactly what's going on. That is, they'll notice something is going on and they know it's not normal within your established health parameters, but they won't know for sure until they can tell what it is.

Of course, compared to a regular medical diagnosis, they may even detect it at an extremely early stage, which helps in your recovery.

And, as far as mental illnesses or psychiatric conditions are concerned, I think they will be completely lost there.

A brain tumour or a concussion of the skull is easy to treat, but a panic attack or something more complex to analyse as one of these conditions might be… they definitely don't know what to do.

For them, to give an example, it would be something like this: They see something happening in there, they know what part of the brain is affected and how that affects the rest of the body. But they don't know what the exact cause is and how they could - effectively - cope and do a proper treatment that would allow their loved one to have a good quality of life.

These are vague ideas.

I'm definitely lacking more precision, but I feel it would look like this if we were talking about the Superfamily monitoring everything that is related to your health.

[amysgoblinhorde]

The Anti-JK Rowling: Praise for TJ Klune

I am going to overshare. I do not apologise for this.

Way back in the mid 1990s, I was I young girl in school and I was badly suffering the years of harassment and abuse by my peers and also by the grown ups who should have cared for me. I was told I brought it on myself by being weird, I was told I was an attention seeker (yes, and can't you hear me cry for help?) and it was actually the lip curling disdain of the teachers that broke me the most.

I began to feel like maybe I did deserve it. I must have been so unpleasant, so hideous a person that others could see me for what I was and the universe itself was punishing me. I developed Body Dysmorphic Disorder, I kept checking mirrors to see if I could glimpse the monster, mocking myself whenever I thought I looked normal.

Anyway. It all came to a head in my third year, when I became admittedly a bit of an edgelord. I sucked in the darkness and screamed it out.

I was sent to a hospital school. This was a little tiny class of mixed ages for children who needed extra help. It was better here, I made friends - but I also learned a dark lesson here that no child should have to -

There is an appropriate face for trauma.

And I didn't have it. I was not the cute cancer kid. I was not the brave smiling little trooper. I was told by some of the staff in the hospital school that I didn't really belong there, I should consider myself lucky. One teacher said that those of us who were there for mental health issues were weak, we had failed. If we were braver we would be in a normal school.

I would have been 11 when the first Harry Potter book came out, though I didn't read any until sixth form college. I wanted to know what the fuss was about, a movie was being made.

I thought they were fun, as many did. But I can't pretend it didn't hammer an extra nail into my heart as it yet again told me that there was an acceptable face for trauma and it was not mine.

Harry Potter. He was written to be a good looking lad, sporty. Tragically dead parents that he didn't remember anything about. Suffered abuse, but it didn't break him in any inconvenient way. He was a tragically brave little hero with his friends the impossibly clever poster girl (who incidentally was very pretty when she wanted to be) and the token dweeb who appears to have mostly be written to prop up the other two.

Then we have Neville. His story was genuinely heartbreaking and yes it was addressed, but not really. His horrors are not something we talk about. Let's not go there, let's treat it like a dark embarrassing secret. But what a brave lad he is, standing up to his friends! Not for, you know, visiting his brain damaged parents and living with his abusive grandmother. No, no, it's the friends he stands up to. Brave silly Neville. Not the hero, of course. But isn't he brave?

And at last we come to TJ Klune. I read The House in the Cerulean Sea only recently. And wow. I laughed and cried in equal measure.

As with Harry Potter, we have a collection of magical youths, learning to navigate their powers as they grow. But the differences are diamond sharp, the focus instead on all the right things while still being joyful, fantastic and often hilarious.

How can this brilliant man get it so right in such a simple way? It's obvious, when you think about it.

All traumatised children matter.

There is no right face of trauma, least of all on a child, but hey let's not leave out the grown ups. At 40 years of age I thought I knew this, but I must have kept my younger self in a little cell in my mind (ahhh but she's different, she was a monster. We don't talk about her ...).

I was David. And I was Lucy. Why is it so much easier to forgive myself when I see myself as a yeti?

Children will lash out. Forgive yourself that. Children can be little weirdos, little balls of chaos and anger. That's okay. And no child's suffering should be ignored in favour of another, no matter what they look like or what they have done.

No child should be expected to be a poster boy hero, and no child should be chastised if they do not perform trauma right.

So yeah ... Thanks for reading until the end. And thanks to TJ Klune for making a 40 year old woman feel so many things, the strangest of all being forgiveness and acceptance of her 13 year old self.

Also, Chauncey is handsome as crap.

[pinkcrocss]

On Andre...

So, I've been picking up on a lot of negative feelings towards Andre within the fandom (some warranted, some unwarranted in my opinion). And I think it comes down to two things:

-Andre is probably one of the least developed of the core group in terms of writing.

-Andre's actor (Chance Perdomo) has some problematic views irl.

I want to focus on the first point however, cuz I'm interested in the character not the actor (Patrick Schwarzeneggar and Claudia Dumit also support Isreal, so I'm choosing to focus my feelings on characters, not the actors if I want to enjoy this show at all).

When I first watched Gen V (before the hyper fixation had kicked in), Chance's performance had been one of my least favourites. I didn't like the weird voice he was doing (turns out he was Brit doing a pretty decent attempt at an "American Jock" type accent) and I thought the actor kept doing a lot of awkward stammers and tics that didn't feel in line with the character (I assumed, that's just how the actor was irl). That is until I watched a cast interview and I learned 2 things:

He is a Brit.

He's actually a very smooth and clear speaker. Which means those mannerisms were an intentional choice by the actor.

Later, once the hyperfixation had truly set in, I was watching a boatload of cast interviews, when I caught a comment underneath one of those videos that totally changed my view of that character and performance during my 4th (maybe 5th) rewatch.

You know how each of the core group's abilities hurts them in some way and thus works as an allegory for some form of personal issue that they are overcoming? i.e.

Marie -> Cutting/Self Harm

Emma -> Eating Disorders

Cate -> Consent

Jordan -> Gender Identity/dysphoria

For a while, I don't really see how Andre's abilities could serve as an allegory for anything. like, yes later on we learn that his powers will cause him damage over time, but that kind of seemed ham-fisted at the last minute, and not really connected to his ability to bend metal.

But back to that one Youtube comment. I can't remember word for word the comment, but to paraphrase, essentially:

The commentor spoke about how they connected to Andre's character a lot because when they were in college, they had developed an auto-immune disease that essentially made them chronically ill.

They talked about being unable to keep up with their peers, while they were supposed to be in their prime physical years, and how much that taxed on their mental health. Constantly feeling left out, constantly self-medicating, and the chronic pain that they just had to grin and bear.

And as soon as I read that, everything I didn't quite understand/connect with in Andre's character suddenly made sense.

What is one of Andre's core personality traits in the group? He's the stoner.

From episode one, there's a scene of him doing drugs in every episode. Cate is constantly asking him if he's high... he's self medicating.

The slow way he talks, the constant blinking and squeezing his face (note the scene when he's yelling at Tek Knight, or after he takes that first hit from Sam, or after he stops the helicopter)... he's in pain.

So many tics and nuances in his behaviour that I initially wrote off, was actually a much more nuanced performance from Chance Perdomo.

And it all coalesces in that final scene when Andre is at Vought tower and learns of his dad's diagnosis. His powers are slowly killing him, making him weaker (like an auto-immune disease. the body attacking itself).

And the doctor asks him if he ever feels light-headed? has he noticed any uncontrollable tics? Andre is hesitant, almost like he's in denial. But you look back at his actions/behaviour throughout the show, and he's been showcasing both those things.

Finally, the scene with the helicopter. Where it's more or less confirmed that Andre's powers are doing to him, exactly what his dad's powers did. I've seen people very critical of that scene. Saying things like, Oh! He's all of a sudden being affected by the use of his powers, but we hadn't seen that previously (which I disagree) and how it seemed "too convenient".

But keep in mind, stopping a decelerating helicopter is the biggest feat of Andre's abilities we'd seen so far in the show. Of course it's going to take a bigger toll on him than all the other times (not to mention he was in pretty big emotional distress. His dad, Cate's betrayal, an attack on the school...). Stress exacerbates illnesses.

The other critique I've seen is, why are Andre's abilities having this affect now? He's supposed to be in his 20s, but his dad made it all the way to his 40s/50s before it was detected... and that's a fair question. I have some theories:

Like certain genetic illnesses, this issue is hereditary. It's not Impossible, that Andre just inherited a stronger ability than his father, and thus stronger blowback on himself.

Andre's chronic drug use might be a chicken or egg situation. Where maybe his chronic drug use exacerbated the damage his abilities were causing him, and as a result he started self-medicating with more drugs, causing a continues cycle of him increasing the damage to himself.

His dad has been shown to have a very stubborn personality (note how he refused to acknowledge when Andre revealed to him the damage their powers were causing them). Perhaps, he had started feeling the symptoms around the same age Andre had, but just kept ignoring it and pushing through up until he reached his limit in his 40s/50s.

Some other reason that writer's haven't revealed yet. The show has been renewed for a second season, and it's obvious these characters have been set up to be integral to the overarching storyline of the boys as a whole. It's entirely possible that there is more potential development for Andre's character in the future, and I think it's fair to give the writers leeway to explore that.

All in all, I just wanted to get my thoughts out about this, and maybe see how everyone else views Andre's character. He seems to be one of the least discussed in the core group, and I feel like his character has a lot of room for more development in the future if the writers approach it correctly.

[ssweeterthanfiction]

Wait for your love.

content warnings (for the whole series): mentions of drugs and alcohol, age gap, gaslighting, billy being TOXICCCCC, mental health issues,

↳ currently playing ;

Logical - 1977

0:56 ——•———————— 3:24

↺       <<          ll          >>     ⋮≡

Y/N: “You know, some people say you do stupid things when you’re in love.”

“I guess I was really in love with Billy, cause I couldn’t stop doing dumb things.” 

“I was getting high and drunk every night. Even before I went onstage.”

“After the band had their last show for the Numbers Tour, I was able to get a break. I wasn’t surrounded by all the temptation anymore. But that didn’t mean that I just stopped craving it.”

“This is when everything started falling apart for me. And the band in a way too.” 

“Daisy went on a haywire and ran off to Asia, no one knew at the time but that’s Daisy for you.”

“Anyways, me and Billy were now at home. Not on the road, not at gigs, not in hotel rooms, we were home.”

Billy: “It wasn’t weird being at home with her, I mean before we even started dating she was always around the house. But this was before she developed her addiction.”

Y/N: “We went to a ton of parties and clubs. It was the only thing that could satisfy my need for an adrenaline rush. Of course I still had gigs here and there, you know, talk shows, photoshoots and stuff like that, but partying was what filled my needs.”

Billy: “I would be there with her at every party…and normally we’d leave parties fighting.”

Karen: “It was always hard seeing them go to parties all happy and ‘in love’ with each other and then see Billy just leave her high and dry for another girl.”

“And then to see them leave fighting with each other, it was always the worst.”

Eddie: “Billy always treated her like shit. Always.”

“Every argument was basically the same, he would start it, she would say something back, he’d make some shit up or make her believe that she was crazy or the problem and then she’d be the one to apologize in the end.” 

“He’s the reason her addiction got so bad. He broke her.”

Y/N: “I was getting to my breaking point. But I depended on Billy for so much.” 

“At least I felt like I did. I felt like if I left him, it would be the worst thing in the world. I felt, indebted to him.”

“I always told myself that without my feature on Groupie Love, I wouldn’t have anything. I wouldn’t be anyone. I wouldn’t have made it alone. I would’ve never gotten my fame without Billy.”

“I felt like none of my achievements were mine. That— that nothing I did was mine. That it was all Billy.”

“And he always seemed to remind me of that.” 

Daisy: “I don’t know why she would ever think that she wouldn’t be anyone without Billy.” 

“I don’t know how many times she would come to me for advice, she would always come to me, practically crying because she thought she was doing something wrong. She was afraid she wasn’t enough. But she was the complete opposite.”

“She was fucking talented— still is. She had a gorgeous voice, a beautiful personality, and was just, the best person to be around.” 

“There was this one time before tour ended, we were in the studio together, it was super late and she just laid everything out on me.” 

“I felt horrible, she has one of the kindest hearts.”

“I don’t think Billy ever really appreciated that.” 

                🎶 .·:*¨🎶💋🎶¨*:·. 🎶

You were in the studio late at night, alone. You had felt like you needed a breather, especially after tonight’s fight with Billy. The studio at night was always peaceful, nothing else but you and your music. 

You were messing around with some keys on a keyboard when you heard a door open. Looking up from the piano you saw a figure by the door. 

“Hey kid, didn’t know you were here” 

You let out a little sigh of relief when you saw Daisy.

“Oh— Daisy it’s just you. You scared me a little.” 

She chuckles and sits on the ground next to you, “What are you working on?” 

“Nothing really, just messing around with some stuff” 

She nods and looks at your appearance, you look tired, exhausted even and it looked like you had been crying. 

“Are you okay?” 

You nod, “Yeah, I’m fine” 

Daisy had a way of looking at people, like she could see past all the layers you tried to hide behind. She frowns and puts a hand on your shoulder, “Come on, spill.” 

You felt knots in your stomach, the words lodged in your throat. You didn’t even know where to start. But Daisy was patient, watching you with those sharp, knowing eyes.

“It’s Billy,” you finally admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

“What about Billy?” 

“I just… I don’t know. I feel like I’m not enough for him.”

Daisy raised an eyebrow. “Not enough? You’re kidding, right?”

You shook your head as you fought back tears. “He’s always…looking at other girls. Always finding some reason to pick a fight or disappear for hours. And I keep wondering what I’m doing wrong. What they have that I don’t.”

Daisy frowns more, “You think it’s about you?”

“Isn’t it?” you asked, your voice cracking. “I mean, if I were prettier, or more exciting, or—”

“Stop.” Daisy’s tone was sharp, cutting you off mid-sentence. “Listen to me. Whatever Billy’s issues are, they’re his. They’re not about you, and they’re sure as hell not your fault.”

“But—”

“No ‘but,’” she said firmly, her green eyes blazing. “You could be the most perfect woman in the world, you already are, and he’d still find a way to screw it up. Because that’s what he does. You’re not the problem, Y/N. He is.”

Her words hit you like a punch to the gut, the truth of them settling in your chest like a weight. “Then why does it feel like I’m the one falling apart?”

Daisy’s expression softened, and she reached to take your hand. “Because you care,” 

“Too much, maybe. You’re trying to fix something that isn’t yours to fix. And that’s exhausting.”

You looked down at your intertwined hands, her rings cold against your skin. “So what do I do?”

Daisy smiled faintly, a hint of sadness in her eyes. “You figure out what you want, what you need. And then you stop settling for less than that. It’s not easy, but trust me—it’s better than this.”

You look up at her, “What if I don’t know what’s better than this?”

Daisy pulls you into a big hug, “Trust me, you’ll figure it out”

When she pulls away, she cups your face in her hands, “So, you wanna show me what song you’re working on?”

You smile and sniffle as you nod. You hand her your small notebook, and for the rest of the night she helps you finish a song, and for once, you feel truly at peace.

  🎶 .·:*¨🎶💋🎶¨*:·. 🎶

Warren: “I think what was y/n’s problem was that she was afraid to stand up to Billy. I mean, she defended the hell out of him whenever anyone would say anything even mildly bad about him” 

“I remember there was this one time after a party, the day after I think, Eddie, Graham and I were talking about how Billy went too hard the night before. I tried not to say too much, for once, but Eddie just kept going at it.”

“Then she walked into the kitchen and Eddie said something like “Y/N, why are you still with Billy? He treats you like shit and always just leaves you during parties.” 

“She said that he just has a lot of shit going on and that he wasn’t in his right mind.” 

“Then she walked out and went back into Billy’s room.”

Graham: “Y’know I don’t even think she was trying to convince others that Billy wasn’t an asshole. I think she was just trying to convince herself.”

                🎶 .·:*¨🎶💋🎶¨*:·. 🎶

You were at a party with the band, and Billy was no where to be found. 

The music was too loud, the lights too dim, and the air reeked of cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. You were navigating your way through the party, trailing through a haze of bodies in search of him. 

You turned a corner into one of the quieter back rooms, where laughter was softer, secrets whispered behind closed doors. That’s when you saw him…with another girl. 

Her hands were on his shoulders, her hair spilling like silk down her back as she leaned in, lips brushing the corner of his mouth. And he didn’t stop her.  

For a moment, your feet were rooted to the ground, your breath caught somewhere between disbelief and devastation. This wasn’t real, you told yourself.

“Billy.”

His head whipped around, eyes wide with something that wasn’t quite guilt. More like panic. He was quick to push the girl away and run towards you. 

“Y/N, it’s not—”  

“Not what it looks like?” you snapped, your voice trembling with fury. “Go ahead. Say it. Lie to me. Again.”  

He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. “I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking. It doesn’t mean anything.”  

“You weren’t thinking?” You stepped closer, your heart pounding. “What part of this didn’t require thought, Billy? The part where you let her touch you? Or the part where you kissed her back?”  

“Keep your voice down,” he hissed, glancing nervously around the room. A few people were already watching, pretending not to, but you didn’t care.  

“No. I’m done keeping my voice down!”

Billy groans and drags you to a different area.

You’re quick to push him away, “Don’t fucking touch me Billy!” 

He pinches the bridge of his nose and then looks at you, “Look— I know you’re upset but—“ 

“But what Billy?!”

He glares at you, “Keep your goddamn voice down!” 

“No!” 

“How much have you had to drink tonight?” 

You give him a look of disbelief, “Are you fucking serious—Are you really trying to turn this on me right now?“ 

“I’m not turning anything on you. But you have been drinking, haven’t you?” 

You blink a few times, was he really being serious?

“Don’t change the fucking subject Billy! We’re talking about y—“

“No. You don’t change the fucking subject!”

You have a look of complete disbelief on your face, “Don’t— Don’t you fucking dare Billy.” 

“Look I’m just saying. But come on, don’t make this more dramatic than it has to be.” 

He grabs your hand, “Come on, let’s go.” 

“What?” 

“We’re leaving. Let’s go.” 

You’re in shock as he starts walking with you, normally you would just go with Billy, going with him meant going back to the house to some crappy apology and then being in bed with him. You didn’t want that though.

“No.” 

Billy stops in his tracks, “No?” 

You push him away and take a few steps back, creating a decent amount of space between the two of you. “I don’t want to leave.”

He scoffs and bites the inside of his cheek, “Fine. Do what you fucking want.” 

You watch as he walks away, and you feel a sort of…relief. You also felt like something was changing in you. Something that told you that you aren’t going to let Billy walk all over you anymore. 

                🎶 .·:*¨🎶💋🎶¨*:·. 🎶

Eddie: “Y/N came back to us looking, relieved. When she told us that she said no to Billy, I was so proud.” 

Karen: “Y/N standing up to Billy was not the most crazy thing that happened that night.” 

“She may or may not have made out with a guy after a certain someone convinced her to.” 

Warren: “What? I always hated seeing her get hurt whenever Billy made out with a random girl, so can you blame me for SUGGESTING that she does the same?” 

Graham: Laughing “Oh when Billy saw her, he was PISSED. But he didn’t say anything at all. Must’ve been hard seeing his girl give him a taste of his own medicine. But y’know what, it was nice to see Y/N happy, or at least act like she was happy. She finally got to actually enjoy the party for once.”

Y/N: “I was starting to realize a lot of things quickly. I was realizing that Billy wasn’t good for me. I was realizing that I deserved better. And I realized that my whole drug thing, I had to stop.” 

“So I tried, and while I was trying…I still tried to convince Billy that he should get clean too.” 

“I was convinced that I could somehow fix him, but it’s hard to fix something that’s been broken so many times.” 

A/N: *drops and runs away*

AHHH ITS HERE ITS HERE. you guys have no clue how much FUN i had writjng this. ESPECIALLY THE SCENE WITH DAISY LIKENBBASFHJKNFAHYGHFU

anyways...the 1977 era is coming to a close...then reader has to go bye bye for a while...(I AM SO EXCITED FOR 1978 NAKJJDNJGJKS)

ok so ik i said i would release GOU and WFYL on the same day BUT GOU isnt done yet so it'll hopefully come out like friday night or like saturday night. but i swear it will be out this week.

ANWAYS I hope you guys enjoyed reading this!! as always I hope you all have a good day/afternoon/night!!

and my requests are open! so leave whatever questions/ask you guys want! (it may take me a while to get to them since I do already have alot but I will get to it so dw!)

[elaho]

Stardew Valley MBTI x Enneagram: Shane

Following my last post about the Stardew marriage candidates and their MBTI types, I've been learning more about Enneagram, how it pairs with MBTI, and how it changes some of the typical characteristics of each type.

The Enneagram and MBTI complement each other wonderfully, providing greater depth and understanding of how a person interacts with the world [Cognitive Functions] and their motivations why [Core Desire/Core Fear].

Here are my thoughts on Shane's Enneagram paired with his MBTI.

Shane - ISTP 5w6: “The Troubleshooter”

“ISTP 5w6s are analytical people who lean towards caution. This personality type is curious and passionate about their interests. Because of their wing, they are always cautious and look for all possible flaws before leaping.” – Personality Hunt

Shane’s Core Desire: To be self-sufficient

The core desire of the ISTP 5w6 is to be self-sufficient. ISTPs are naturally very independent and want to make their own way. To achieve this goal, they use their abilities to carve a niche for themselves, and honing their unique skills as 5w6s, they are often very successful.

“My life...It's a pathetic joke...Look at me...Why do I even try? ...*sob* I'm too small and stupid to... to take control of my life…”

"I want to feel like I'm not just a leech on the world. I want to contribute somehow, even in a small way like this.”

Shane’s Core Fear: To be dependent [a burden] on others

The core fear of the ISTP 5w6 is to be a burden on others, especially to those they care about. We see Shane struggle with his mental health and alcoholism through the game. He tries hard to fight his demons on his own, not wanting others to be held back by his personal issues.

It isn't until later in his character development that he learns to be okay with relying on others for help, that there are people who truly care about him, and that asking for their support isn't the burden or 'weakness' he believed it to be.

“I just feel like no matter how hard I try... I'm not strong enough to climb out of that hole.”

"Anyway... I just wanted to thank you for taking care of me. And I want you to know that I'm going to take things a little more seriously from now on. I don't want to be a burden on anyone…"

"You know, I sometimes forget that I really do have friends, people that care about me. And it's okay for me to rely on them... it doesn't make me weak.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

How Enneagram 5w6 changes typical ISTP behaviour:

New Strengths

1. More Introverted

ISTPs are introverts and ISTP 5w6s are even more introverted. They have a lower social battery than typical ISTPs and need extra time alone to recharge. However, this doesn't mean they aren't assertive. They will put their foot down when they need to.

Examples:

“I hardly know you. Why are you talking to me?”

“What's the point of talking to me? I don't want any friends.”

“...I don't feel like talking to anyone.”

“It's a lot of effort to be friends with someone. It's easier to just be alone.”

2. More Loyal

"ISTP 5w6s are loyal people...Because [type 6] is their wing, ISTP 5w6s will have a measure of loyalty. Their loyalty extends to their friends, family, and even their workplace. While this is true, their loyalty will never be as strong as a core type 6." - Personality Hunt

Examples:

“I... Well, I won't be living here forever, and I wanted to pass something on to Jas. I've been teaching her how to care for them.”

“I guess I've grown attached to Marnie and Jas. We're a ragtag bunch but it kind of feels like a weird family. I never really had much of a family as a kid.”

“I need to keep it together for Jas' sake. I don't want to be a bad role model for her.”  “I'm kind of like a father figure to Jas. I just hope I haven't let her down too much.”

“Shane's hard at work. He doesn't seem interested in talking.”

“I may keep to myself a lot, and I may seem unhappy sometimes... but I do appreciate all the work you do. I'm a lucky guy.”

3. More Creative

ISTPs aren't known for being traditionally artistic, but they can be incredibly creative in their own way. This is even more true for ISTP 5w6s. They love to work with their hands and show their creativity in practical ways.

Examples:

"My special blue hens... I've been raising them in secret for the last few months.”

“We'll have the best eggs in the whole valley! Fresh and healthy, with rich golden yolks. Not like those pale, sickly Joja eggs...”

“Sounds great. I'll have to create a bunch of practical effects to make it look cool.”

"Hey! I want you to be in this shot... okay? Just walk by Clint and Emily in the background while they're talking... It'll give the scene a little more authenticity.”

4. More Cautious

ISTPs aren't known for being cautious. Their Extroverted Sensing [Se] makes them more prone to taking risks and testing new ideas. Being Preceievers means they also love being spontaneous. ISTP 5w6s are different. While they also enjoy these things, they are more hesitant and risk-averse than typical ISTPs.

This is because type 5 is interested in self-sufficiency, while type 6 is interested in being secure. They don't want to do anything that risks losing either of these, so they are much more cautious when taking risks or making decisions.

Examples:

“A chicken will never let you down. Humans, on the other hand...”

“It's weird, when I was younger I swore I'd never have a kid. I wonder what happened to me?”

“Hey. Sorry if I came off as rude when we first met. It takes me a while to warm up to strangers.”

5. More Prudent with Spending

Due to their cautious nature, ISTP 5w6s will be less impulsive with their spending, preferring to be more prudent with their finances. However, this doesn't mean they'll be perfect at budgeting or sticking to a budget.

Although Shane spends exorbitant amounts of money on beer and liquor early in-game, once he starts getting treatment for his mental health issues, we see him begin to spend his money much more wisely and carefully, like in his 8-heart cutscene with Jas.

Examples:

"I've cut back on an expensive habit. I have a lot more spending money now!”

6. More Logical

ISTPs are Thinkers, and being a type 5 makes an ISTP's logical thinking even more pronounced. This can have its pros and cons. A positive is ISTP 5w6s can make very sound logical decisions, but on the flip side, they can be insensitive to the feelings of others.

Examples:

“Life isn't fair, and I can't help but feel bitter about it.”

“Do me a favor... when I pass away, use my dust to fertilize some corn for the hens.”

“If I watch more TV maybe I can forget about life. That would be relaxing.”

“Sigh*... If only we could send the kids off to Joja work-camp for a season...I'm just kidding.”

New Weaknesses

1. More Detached

Type 5s are prone to becoming detached if absorbed in their hobbies or passions. This can harm an ISTPs relationship with friends and family if they aren't careful.

Examples:

"Welp... got my year's supply of Vitamin D. Now I can play video games with the blinds shut the rest of the year.”

“Ah... this is the life. No responsibilities, Tunnelers game tonight, fridge stocked with all the goodies a guy could need.”

“If you need to go see your friends in town, go ahead. I'm happy in the company of the TV and a couple of tall boys.”

“Ooo... my throbbing head. How many did I have last night?”

2. Fearful

Type 5 and type 6 are both in the Fear Triad, making 5w6s fearful people. This fear often influences their decisions, and combined with their need for self-sufficiency, can cause them to be stuck in a situation for too long.

Examples:

"You know, Charlie... I was thinking... A guy like me is always teetering on the edge of despair... know what I mean?”

“Here's a chance to finally take control of my life... These cliffs... bu... *blaap*... but I'm too scared, too anxious. Just like always...”

3. Prefer to Play it Safe

"Fear, cautiousness, and worry are all factors that influence their preference to play it safe. This usually means little or no risk and a lot of pessimism. While this has its benefits, the drawbacks are also obvious. ISTP 5w6s will miss out on opportunities and life in general by playing it too safe. - Personality Hunt

Examples:

"Every time I try something new it goes horribly wrong. You learn to just stay in a shell."

“Why try? Life's just a roll of the dice. When they rolled mine, the dice fell off the table.”

“You ever feel like... no matter what you do, you're gonna fail?... Like you're stuck in some miserable abyss and you're so deep you can't even see the light of day?”

4. Lower Energy Levels

Type 5s live in their heads. This, combined with ISTP's dominant function Introverted Thinking [Ti], they spend a lot of time logically breaking things down and reassembling them in their minds. This takes up a lot of energy, making implementing their ideas harder for ISTP 5w6s.

However, ISTPs are still action-oriented and will always strive to be somewhat productive.

Examples:

"Hoo... Feels good to rest these hams. If anyone needs me, I'll just be sitting here, marinating.”

“Buhh... I don't feel like being productive today.”

“Farmer, should I do something useful today?... or just nap forever?”

“I guess... if I had some pants I might've gone outside today... but, nah.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

Conclusion

Due to his substance abuse and mental health issues, typing Shane was more challenging than the others. Though it can be hard to type fictional characters with 100% accuracy, given what we know about his character, how he responds to dealing with his alcoholism and depression, and his personal growth throughout the game, I believe there is strong evidence to suggest that Shane is an ISTP 5w6.

His Enneagram type 5 desire for self-sufficiency and independence, paired with his MBTI cognitive strengths as an ISTP, makes watching his character transform from a prickly, self-isolating man with severe alcohol addiction and spiralling mental health, into a brave, hard-working, and loyal friend/partner to the farmer heartwarming and inspirational.

Do you agree that Shane is an ISTP 5w6? If not, what type do you think he is? Let me know your thoughts in the comments :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------- References:

Personality Hunt: ISTP 5w6 - The Complete Guide

[nostalgicsummers]

Detailed information post on fictional caregivers/regressors.

As the title suggests this is an informational post on fictional caregivers and regressors.

While most of this is based on personal experience, I will be basing some information off what I have seen others talking about.

Please note that I have disabilities which do heavily impact how I can personally engage with having a fictional caregiver. Also I am not an expert on anything spoken about on this post, it is mostly personal.

Without further delay let's talk about fictional caregivers and regressors!

What is a fictional caregiver/regressor.

As the name suggests a fictional caregiver is a caregiver who is fictional! It could be an OC, a fictional character, a concept, an AU version of a character, anything! The only requirement is that that they don't physically exist as your caregiver/regressor in real life.

Why a fictional caregiver or regressor? Why not find a real life one?

This again is very personal. It could be due to bad past experiences with caregivers or regressors- Or just people in general. It could also be due to internal issues, such as not being able to give and take in a way that would keep a relationship healthy.

Another common reason I've seen is because of mental health reasons. This could be involuntary (ie linking to delusions or maladaptive daydreaming) or voluntary (ie choosing to have one because of loneliness associated with depression).

It could also be for fun and/or imaginary play.

I've also seen people develop caregivers/regressors for spiritual reasons (kin and past life beleifs for example).

Regardless of the exact reason, it's often times a deeply personal thing for everyone!

How do you choose a fictional caregiver?

Again this is a personal process for a lot of people. For some it could be a character they see as being a good caregiver for them. It could be because part of caregiving that the person didn't have in their own caregiver growing up.

However, if you are spiritual you may get ‘vibes’ or signs from your regressor- Or even memories of being with them.

In some cases it's completely involuntary such as: If you have a fictional caregiver because you have Maladaptive Daydreaming, often times it isn't voluntary and its whomever your daydream focuses on looking after your para.

It may take a while to find whichever version works for you, however finding that out can often help with the next parts.

What to do if you have a fictional caregiver/regressor?

Some people like only imagine being looked after by (or imagine looking after) their fictional caregiver/regressor. For example someone imagines their fictional regressor babbling to them.

Some people like to imagine that they are physically being with their fictional caregiver/regressor. For example they may pretend that their fictional caregiver has brought them a drink, despite having made it themselves.

Even when you imagine your fictional caregiver/regressor is personal. For some people they are with them constantly, for some people they only imagine them while regressing.

Activities can also change! Some people imagine them only when doing difficult tasks, some have them even when they're doing adult tasks.

Please note that if one version sounds ‘weird’ to you that's fine! Everyone has their own limits and personal tasted. But please be respectful to people who do other types of engaement!

I now have a character I'd like to be my fictional caregiver/regressor, how do I engage with them? What do I do?

You can do anything that helps you with your caregiving or regression!

Personally we started with minimal interactioms with engaging with our fictional caregivers. And would only imagine them praising us for basic tasks, nice words when going to bed, even singing when trying to take a nap.

We've always struggled with picturing ourselves with fictional caregivers though, in our daydreams we either are a fictional character or watching as 3rd person entity that doesn't exist. However, I now realize that it helps to imagine the fictional caregiver looking after the fictional regressor (me?) and acting that out with out directly engaging with the caregiver as ‘real world me’.

Different alters now also have their own imagined versions of their own caregivers and the characters they're imagined as.

In the real world we do minimal regression activities (because it's unsafe irl to do so) however in my imagination the fictional caregiver is doing a lot and caring for the fictional caregiver in many ways.

I really hope this makes sense, but this is how we personally engage with ours.

Safety and mental health when engaing with a fictional caregiver/regressor?

This is not something I see talked about a lot (if at all) but as someone with psychosis, immersive daydreaming and a dissociative disorder, I think it's very important to watch out for ‘red flags’ in regards to mental health.

Obviously everyone is different and most people have no issues with having a fictional caregiver/regressor, however from experience I am aware that red flags can be overlooked (especially if they aren't talked about)

Here are some things I would personally look out for:

1. If the fictional caregiver/regressor starts acting outside of your control.

Because of their status as being fictional, if you notice that your thoughts start to go against what you have planned (ie, you want your regressor to say “thank you” and they say ‘don't like it’) then this could be an indication of them being an alter or hallucination.

2. If the day dreams become so intense you loose time (ie half and hour, hours, even days) with out intending to or to your knowledge

Having daydreams/an imagination should not be this intense. This is dissociation, common with a lot of conditions, but if you are imagining the whole time and ‘wake up’ hours later, it will start to negatively impact your life.

3. If your caregiver/regressor makes you feel bad.

This could be in many ways, if they start acting mean, or even if you start to associate them with a traumatic event, it may be time to look at finding a replacement or alternative character to focus on.

4. Becoming upset or depressed when leaving a daydream scenario.

I want to clarify that some people feel bad when they can't regress or day dream, this is normal. However, if you find yourself spending all day at work only surviving to regress and see your fictional caregiver/regressor, is not a normal or safe thing.

This could indicate maladapting daydreaming or big real world issues you need to confront.

5. Being aware around doing tasks your regressed self is too young to be doing.

I want to make it clear that regression is different for everyone and some people do not experience this.

However sometimes while regressed, we loose some of our motor functions and find it very hard to to hand eye coordination, so things like cutting up food with a sharp knife should be avoided- Even with a fictional caregiver with you.

Disclaimers:

I want to make it clear that I am not a therapist or an expert on mental health- There are many reasons these things could happen, and it may be a one time thing. However if they keep happening I would recommend taking a step back or talking to a therapist or a professional with knowledge on mental health.

What does it mean when people say they have a fictional caregiver/regressor?

This can mean many things.

For some people it is what it says, a character they enjoy imagining looking after them.

However, in other cases it could mean:

The person is a system and their caregiver/syskid alter is a fictive (an alter who is based off a fictional character) and they class them as a fictional caregiver due to the fact they're based off a fictional character.

The person has MaDD and the caregiver/regressor looks after or gets looked after by their paraself

The person has a psychotic disorder and has delusions that the character is in real life with them to look after/be looked after by

The person is kin and was in that dynamic with their caregiver/regressor in a past life (or someone they with they were with in that dynamic during their past life)

The persons fictional caregiver/regressor is one of their fictional others/FO (a fictional character the person ships themselves with- not always romantically)

Again, it can mean many things. If you know the person then it may be fine to ask, but always check before asking because for some people it is a very personal topic.

If anyone has anything to add onto this post feel free to! Both questions and information are welcomed.

Again, I am not an expert or the creator of fictional caregivers/regressors. If anything on this post is glaringly ‘wrong’ feel free to correct me!

[nonbinarypirat]

I have never done a Ted lasso post despite the fact that when I first made my tumblr this was like, the first fandom I was apart of lol. But! I’m so fucking pumped for season 4, I really feel like the finale just didn’t do it justice fully for the show. Some thoughts I have so far:

I would love to see keeley, Jamie, and Roy be a thing but realistically probably not. Especially if it’s stays true that Phil Dunster will be too busy. But I hope they’ll repair Roy and keeley and Jamie and keeley relationship after the weird and awkward fight they threw in. I personally always thought that was a hamfisted ending for them, not to say people can’t relapse into old toxic behaviors but I just felt it was a lazy and overdone trope to end or have a conclusion to a love triangle

Speaking of, it’s still possible Phil dunster could reprise his role, everything is still be worked out and nothing is too set in stone. Hell, an actual season is not set in stone. I would be greatly disappointed if he couldn’t be in it, it wouldn’t feel the same. But if he can’t, at the very least I want a good reason and some cameos, over FaceTime if they have to.

Which brings me to Ted, idk if he’s actually going to be fully in it or just over zoom or something? Is he fully coming back? It would be interesting if they do something similar to the plethora of fanfics of Ted getting hit with mental health issues because “home” doesn’t feel like home anymore and causing conflict in his life and moving back with Henry. Adding to that, I want the ex wife (can’t remember her name rn and I have too much energy to look it up) to break up with the fucking therapist. Dump! That! Man! I don’t want them to get back together, I just want her away from that fucking unethical creep and move to England for her son. But maybe that’s wishful thinking.

Speaking of break ups, break up Beard and Jane. Point blank. One of the worst relationships in the show, toxic as fuck, and Beard deserves better. And get that man some therapy too

I also would like to see Roy’s progress with therapy on top of that. And more keeley with the crew again, I always wished she was included more in the show and not on a side quest. Bring her more in the fold again

We better see Trent Crimm, you can pry that man from my cold dead hands

Seeing Ted get in a new relationship could be fun since I think it’s been long enough distance and he’s grown enough for that. But tbh, I don’t care if Rebecca and Ted get together, I like seeing a platonic hetero friendship that doesn’t need to automatically be romantic. Sometimes people can vibe and just be friends and I always liked that about Ted and Rebecca. But I’m not opposed either if they write it well. Though I highly doubt they’d go down that route since they built up to the Dutch guy and with Rebecca possibly developing a relationship with his daughter, it’d be kind of heartbreaking if they breakup just to put her with Ted. So, if they don’t go the Ted and Rebecca route, I hope we see her relationship more and the daughter

More of Roy’s sister please, I love her. Also more Phoebe

Would love some of the other footballers get to shine. Want to see the women’s league. Love to see Roy struggling with being a new coach

Would like to learn Roy’s family situation since I feel like that’s an untapped well for trauma and issues that probably created and contributed to his anger issues

And I think as a final thing to this long ass post, I’d like to see the after affects of Collin essentially coming out and being the first openly gay player while playing in the league. People had to have seen him kiss his partner and while it was happy, it’s also going to open a floodgate so I hope we get to see that properly addressed and well written

[dr-spectre]

Ranting about the Splatoon Fandom Wiki....

I wanna quickly make fun of the Splatoon fandom wiki because like most fandom wikis, it's covered with ads unless you use an adblocker, is poorly formatted, poorly structured, has less info than Inkipedia, doesn't update frequently, has missing information, and genuinely is less "professional" than Inkipedia. It also just copies and pastes info from Inkipedia too so there's that as well... I'm not exactly sure how fandom wiki works and how the moderation works but it seems scattered and not good enough by any means.

Like Callie's page for example has this weird ass paragraph that says Callie was left unstable after Splatoon 2??? And it contains a lot of errors and a very weird subjective piece of text in what is supposed to be an objective as possible page, cause you know, ITS A WIKI!!!

She wants to splat shielded Octarians over and over again because that's just in line with her character, she's energetic and silly, she doesn't give a fuck that you need to go behind them to attack them better, she's just gonna splat them up front with her roller, that's just who she is, she represented team Show No Mercy in Splatoon 1 for a reason. Also that dialogue is cut off from what she actually says to further paint this idea that Callie is some broken unstable girl who was a victim of kidnapping and forced brainwashing, for some fucking reason i don't know. I can't even seem to find the original dialogue they stated because THEY DON'T LINK SOURCES!!! HOW DOES A WIKI NOT PROVIDE SOURCES TO THEIR QUOTES!?!?? WHAT!?? I tried checking Inkipedia and even they don't have this dialogue from Callie, so idfk man. All I know is that the dialogue was cut off. Ugh...

From my memory i don't even recall Callie having a new facial animation where her pupils shrink, or it's just so incredibly minor that it's not worth bringing up at all. She also wasn't smiling to hide her panic when her grandfather was kidnapped and insulting Mr. Grizz what the fuck? She was frowning when Cuttlefish dried up and died for a moment!! She was UPSET! and didn't hide it at all! What the hell?! Also facial animations in Splatoon work by the characters swapping between different mouth presets in quick succession, you can see it for yourself when you watch the Idols perform and sing, their mouths don't move smoothly and it makes sense because their language is just gibberish and clipped together audio clips. You can't animate that smoothly unless you spent an INSANE amount of time to animate their mouths incredibly smoothly to match the intentional gibberish and messy vocals. And you gotta do that for EVERY. CUTSCENE. IN. THE. STORY. MODE. That's why the developers just do the cheaper and simpler option to save on time, money and labour.

The "Plenty!" line in response to Shiver's "what is wrong with you?" Is most likely a reference to her quote on quote "airheaded" personality and a subtle nod at her putting the shades back on again and again.

Callie does seem to have mental health issues but it wasn't caused by some "brain warping evil shades oooo", it was due to various things prior to that. Waking up very early in the morning every single day and working non stop, getting harassed by paparazzi, being incredibly lonely and having a strained relationship with someone you used to care about would fuck up anyone's mental health and cause you to overthink and make bad decisions, like join the Octarians and end up wanting to adopt their ideals due to not wanting to go back to your old life and having to deal a fractured relationship with a family member that you think insulted you multiple times on live television, and those feelings and that darkness inside your heart get further amplified by hypnotic shades that cause the restraints in your head to finally break through. But i digress....

Another BIG issue with the fandom wiki is that it's not updated at all, it's extremely outdated, you can check for yourself, find your favorite Idol or character and see if they have the latest info on them, chances are, they don't.

Marina's page is missing Side Order information and new songs.

Shiver's is missing a LOT of gallery and Splatfest information. (No info on Suffer No Fools and "What would you do at world's end?" Splatfest)

Same with Frye. (Frye has the most up to date info on her Splatfest wins and loses yet Shiver doesn't? Huh?)

DJ Octavio's page spreads the incorrect narrative that he uses music to directly control Octarians which has been proven false.

Inkipedia gets it right by saying it's more like propaganda and military marches.

(Although i have my own personal issues with how sometimes Inkpedia talks about Hypno Callie but at least they bothered to include the god damn relationship chart in her page.)

Yeah the Splatoon fandom wiki is just.... bad man. it's awful. It's dogshit. Sometimes i see it as the top result when i search for characters and other Splatoon related content, i don't want casual fans and newcomers to go on that website which has false and outdated information. Please give all the support you can to Inkipedia. It's incredibly rich in information and updates fairly quickly. As a game wiki it's insanely well put together and one of the best wikis out there. It's amazing. If you want to do a wiki scroll and you're mildly interested in Splatoon then it's a great place to get lost for a while and spend some time in.

I just wanted to do a little ranting is all right now. I know that a large majority of people in the community don't like the fandom wiki and Inkipedia is superior by 10000000x but. I just wanted to rant a little. Get my thoughts out there. I'm too attached to a certain cephalopod woman to let poor information about her slide under the radar.

[lissu]

sorry if this is something you'd rather not answer, i totally understand, but i have been going through it these last few months lol. how did you realise/come to terms with being trans? i've been in gender limbo for a while now and i'm simultaneously sick of it and terrified of what the truth might be 😅

i don't mind answering, but this is not going to be simple or short.

buckle up for a lissu gender journey! i'm giving you as much context as i can, i hope there's something here that can help you out.

content warning for mentions of eating disorders (not in detail) and internalized transphobia.

this is baby lissu. i was luckier than most people, as my parents are feminists and they insisted that every kid got the same hobbies, opportunities and expectations. i have two older brothers and an older sister. we wore clothes as hand-me-downs (including this beautiful hat), so i got to wear "boy clothes" from a young age.

my first language is finnish, which is gender-neutral (no gendered pronouns at all), and i think that this gender-neutral upbringing caused me to not think about gender at all in my childhood.

then puberty hit, and i realized i hated being a girl. the 00s sexism was real, but also being a "tomboy" got me a lot of teasing – there was no winning in middle school i think. i didn't know about being trans or anything back then. i cosplayed boy characters (i also drew a beard on myself a lot and just walked around like that??) and dreamt of binding but didn't know how to do it.

i was really drawn to emo/visual key aesthetic, idolized femme men (or, bishounen as we anime girlies called them) and cried when i had to wear makeup or dresses. i developed an eating disorder in my teenage years, i was so uncomfortable with my body and myself.

in my late teens, i went full femme and got hetero married. every time i got more femme my ed got worse (my boob situation was really unfortunate for a Guy). at this point i also got into some radfemmy thoughts, thinking that being a woman is supposed to be awful and something that people just bear and don't want to be. i internalized that thinking, kind of in a doomerist/blackpilled sense where i thought that being a woman equals suffering. sprinkle in some man-hating here and you have a beautiful stew of trans denial.

(jfc i look like a stepford wife in photos from this time, the dead eyes really make the look)

i did ask my spouse if he'd be alright with dating a man a lot, in that "if i woke up tomorrow and was a man what would you do" way. i think already at this point i knew this was not right for me, but like i said, i was fully convinced every woman hated being a woman.

in 2019 i cut my hair, cried a lot, and thought about coming out as nonbinary. i had a lot of mental health issues going on (undiagnosed adhd and workplace bullying made me burn out) and i decided i was too busy for a gender crisis.

at this point i kinda knew what was going on – i started daydreaming about being a guy. still, i thought it was impossible, like literally an unattainable dream. i had internalized transphobia, and on top of that, trans healthcare is really hard to get into in finland and i thought i was "too old" to transition at 24. so i kinda figured out it would be easier to just live as a weird girl – the thing is, it was really hard, and then 2020 happened so i went back to closet full-time.

i have to mention i was wrongly diagnosed as bipolar 1 at this point and on heavy medication (difficult women amirite) – most of my time was just about surviving and not really living. my ex was addicted to drugs and mean to me, and i overall felt like a heaping pile of garbage. i had fully committed to being femme, but seeing photos of myself during '20-'24 i always look like i'm in drag. i kind of am.

this is taken a day after my divorce. i was in such denial at this point i fully committed to being a lesbian. i thought all my issues were because i was dating the wrong gender and not because i was not living like i wanted to.

i think something shifted in the next months. i was re-evaluating who i was and who i wanted to be with... i don't think there was one single instance that made me realize i was trans but maybe it was a lot of things.

i kept dreaming about being a guy. i was jealous of guys at the gym. i was jealous of guys in the same way i'd been since i was that weird anime-loving girl in my teens – i was wondering why guys got all the things i didn't get? why didn't guys hate being a guy? i also met some women (cis and trans) who were clearly overjoyed about being a woman and identified with it strongly. it made me realize not everyone hates being a woman, surprise surprise.

at some point i realized i don't have to be a woman if i hate it so much, no one is forcing me to live like that except myself.

(this is me, two months on t showcasing my new favorite mug.)

i dated another trans guy briefly and he had some tips on how to get on hormones without the hassle of finnish trans health care, and when i heard it i immediately knew i wanted it. i had no hesitation and contacted the clinic the same day. it affected me a lot, seeing a hot and out trans guy about my age, short and still so confident in himself. he proved a lot of my fears wrong, and it was the final push i needed to start a medical transition.

it was like admitting something i had known for years and yet i had to practice saying it out loud. a big thing that made all the difference for me was that i realized that i didn't just have to tolerate being who i was "born" as and i could choose what to do with my life.

i would say that the biggest reasons it took me so long (29 years) to realize i was trans were:

gender-neutral language and upbringing

lack of information AND misinformation about gender affirmation and trans healthcare. transphobia made me think i was going to be ugly and unlovable if i transitioned. also the trans clinic in finland seems to be widely feared and hated, and i have medical trauma and putting myself through that seemed like a nightmare. i am now getting a referral to the clinic, now that i'm four months on hormones and getting my top surgery next week (i still need the finnish diagnosis to get hysto). i am still afraid of the clinic.

man-hating in leftist circles. even my trans-inclusive friends said jokingly that all men are awful or that they hate being attracted to men. it made me afraid to tell these people i was a guy and i held a lot of similar beliefs

i had Other Issues going on and it was easier to blame my discomfort on anything else than dysphoria

fear of transphobia. online it seems like everyone hates us and i was worried people were going to cut me off. well, no one cut me off and people have been kind and accepting, curious and supportive. i'm the first trans person a lot of people around me have knowingly met (i hang out a lot with 50+ yo athletes in my boxing circles) and even people who have never heard of it before are accepting. most people don't actually care, including my parents (i did mention the feminist thing upfront lmao)

the last part is kind of hard to explain but admitting i was a guy felt like giving up on something. i was a good-looking woman with, as mentioned, great assets (f cup tits at 21 did make me feel Some Type of Way) and i had some shame in admitting that i didn't want the attention i'd been getting. like i said, this is hard to explain but i felt like i was losing some privilege or "downgrading" from a hot and weird woman to a short and weird man.

my dysphoria didn't make me want to kill myself. i think there's a lot of emphasis on trans suffering, and because my genitals or boobs didn't make me always feel awful, i thought it was just body dysmorphia (thinking i was fat or ugly when i was neither)

after i started my transition and came out of the closet, i've been happier with myself than ever before. ofc my issues didn't just magically vanish, but my self-hate is not adding to the pile. for the first time ever i feel HOT and BEAUTIFUL and when i look in the mirror i smile.

i think admitting the truth to myself and my loved ones WAS terrifying, but i've never felt loved in the same way. i love myself as ME and so do my loved ones.

one more thing, i think that when i was presenting a woman it was really conditional to me. i was only a woman if i was dressed femme enough or had makeup on or when my hair was done and then the rest of the time i didn't feel like anything, really. when i came to terms with being a guy, i feel like a guy now 24/7. i don't have any terms and conditions to being a guy the same way i had for being a woman.

i know this was like the new new testament, feel free to ask about any of the specifics for clarification!

[yanderes-galore]

Hello. Can I request Fluffy!AU Roxanne Wolf with a darling that is a sweetheart?

Darling is a sweetheart but also somewhat sensitive, so when they always try to make Roxy feel better and laugh, she quickly becomes obsessed?

-💌

Of course! I'd love to :) This is softer than my usual fluffy AU stuff. I hope the ask isn't butchered due to the new update, it looks weird on my end.

Yandere! Fluffy AU! Roxanne Wolf with Sweetheart! Darling

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Implied stalking, Angst, Some narcissism, Poor mental health, Possessive behavior, Fear of abandonment, Biting, Violence, Forced but dubious companionship.

As this is the Fluffy AU, we can assume this all takes place in the "glory days" of the facility.

Roxy is part of the newest set of experiments, the Glamrocks.

A flaw of Roxanne appeared to be her narcissism and insecurities.

As a result, her handler was expected to "keep her in check" and watch over her.

Each creation had at least one scientist to watch their development.

The purple wolf happened to have you as hers.

Fluffy AU! Roxy is what you'd think she'd be.

An anthropomorphic furry purple wolf, if you need a better visual imagine her cardboard cutout pictures.

As the Fluffy AU goes, she isn't a robot, she's like a living mascot.

At first Roxy doesn't like you as her handler.

She acts like she's better and stronger than you, often distancing herself and growling.

It's upsetting to see the wolf this way.

This behavior doesn't change until you see the wolf curled up and crying.

To calm her you enter her room/enclosure and silently stroke her head.

He ears go back for a moment, maybe with a bit of a growl, yet she calms.

The feeling of you gives her a newfound comfort.

You may even catch her tail wagging slowly as she focuses on your hand.

You stay there like that for a long time until Roxy calms down.

It's then Roxy realizes you're just meant to help and care for her.

You're no threat to her... if anything, you're a personal companion.

Let's be honest... the facility isn't the most welcoming place.

Such a thing makes her stressed.

Yet now she knows that you and her are meant to stick together.

Now you have the opposite problem.

The wolf used to not like your presence, now she won't leave it.

Stable experiments are able to take walks with their handler.

Roxy is scared at first but soon really enjoys following you around the facility.

She's most likely introduced to Glam! Freddy, Glam! Chica, and Monty through these walks.

You're happy to just give the wolf more friends.

The issue with growing this bond with her starts to manifest itself though.

Now you can see Roxy's eyes never leave where you are.

Even weirder it seems like she follows you through walls?

Others who walk past her enclosure notice her sitting patiently and staring at a wall.

Maybe this is a power found through the experiments being performed?

Roxy also now expresses possessive behavior around you towards scientists and other experiments.

She often rants to you about how she feels only she deserves someone as sweet as you.

Roxy may also express a want to bite you, not out of violence, but a way to claim you.

Maybe she succeeds one time? This results in her being muzzled.

A fact she's quite unimpressed about.

Even when muzzled she'll still insist on dragging you into her room and curling around you.

She places you in front of her and wraps you closer to her body with her legs and arms.

She essentially cages you to herself while wagging her tail, he snout laying atop your head.

This behavior continues until Roxy starts to get more violent.

It's really strange... even towards friends she tries to claw and bite over you.

Roxy only ever seems content with you.

Worried that she may sabotage the survival of the experiments around her, Roxy is separated from you and placed in her enclosure indefinitely.

You feel bad that the wolf is being punished like this.

But... it's for the safety of others, right?

Roxy still stares at you from inside her enclosure.

You frown at this but realize you can't do anything but feed her as her handler.

As a result... Roxy becomes mostly starved of attention.

Something that rots her mental state.

Roxy thinks she may never interact with you again.

All she has is watching you through the glass and through the walls.

She fears you've abandoned her.

That is until the breakout of Golden Freddy, previously known as Fredbear.

It's then the wolf is released, determined to find her handler again to make up for lost time...

Even if it means she loses sight of you in the process.

[enlitment]

I'd love to hear about your thesis topic (if you're not already sick to death of talking about it 😂)!

Aa, thank you for reaching out, it's so nice of you to ask!!

I'm definitely not sick of talking about it yet! I suspect that it may be the other way around and people around me are starting to get sick of hearing about it 😅

The topic is broadly a mental health disorder which supposedly plagued early 18th century Britain interpreted through a philosophical lens.

More specifically, there was this physician and philosopher called Bernard de Mandeville, who was one of those people who had thoughts on absolutely every topic imaginable, spanning from economical and social theory to medicine (he was also a huge classics nerd but with people in the 1700s, that probably goes without saying).

Supposedly to gain more patients for his practice, he wrote this wonderfully weird medical treatise on how to deal with hypochondria (the name can be misleading, but back then it referred to an unspecified mental health issue close to our current understanding of depression). It is written in a form of a dialogue between a doctor and a patient, and it discusses various symptoms of the disease as well as practical advice on how to treat it (including some great wine recommendations and seemingly endless quotes from Horace and Ovid for some reason).

One thing that particularly fascinates me about the text is that it shows a kind of proto-therapeutic approach to the treatment of mental health issues and it places a lot of emphasis on the developing relationship between the doctor and the patient. The wife of the hypochondriac who suffers from the same illness as her husband is also present, so at times, I'm attempting to go for a slightly feminist angle (Mandeville was not exactly a feminist but some of his ideas about gender were genuinely progressive for a guy writing in the early 1700s).

I'm writing it under the philosophy department, so I sadly had to minimise the historical context in my actual writing. I did research it however! A lot has been said about how hypochondria characterised British people specifically and how an increasingly easy and comfortable life of the upper-middle class may have paradoxically contributed to it. It's also been linked to philosophers/men of letters since it seemed to have affected this group of people in particular (perhaps most famously David Hume who is my supervisor's number one guy).

The result I ended up with is a bit chaotic, but I genuinely had a ton of fun researching the topic! I got a chance to engage in one of my most favourite things in the world, which I guess could be called amateur psychoanalysis of people from the 18th century.

I've also argued by the end that it is useful to study early modern texts (and by extension all historical texts) since it helps us to see which aspects of the human experience remain unchanged over time. (Spoiler: although wine is no longer recommended as a cure, we don't differ that much from people living three centuries ago in all of the important ways. Most notably, we all need positive interactions with others for our mental well-being and to some extent, we all crave others' approval).

Actually getting it printed soon — then it's just anxiously awaiting feedback and then onto the defense.

Hope my answer is not too long or incoherent and thanks again for asking!

[beesmygod]

i know an anon suggested ocd to you the other day, and i didn't see the original message but i know it was a bit fraught. but i am a longtime follower who has ocd who also thinks you may have ocd. and with the reblog you just did i'm like well, maybe i can say a little bit.

i've been sitting on sending a message for a long time because (1) trying to diagnose someone on anon is so fucking weird, i am very aware and ashamed of this weirdness in sending this to you, don't worry, (2) it seemed so obvious to me and you've already talked about other mental health issues and such that i was like "no, surely she must already know she has ocd and is just choosing not to talk about it (completely understandable, i don't do it on main), and then i would also be weird for forcing her to out herself".

the thing with morality-adjacent ocd is that a lot of the base thoughts, in a vacuum, are fine. if you hurt somebody some level of shame is good so you can reflect and correct your behaviour. caring about doing the right thing and refusing to do things that violate your principles is good. it's the intensity and all-consumingness of the thoughts that is the problem.

i mean i say morality but it applies to other ocd too. you should wash your hands and keep your place clean as much as you can, but obsessively avoiding contamination by washing your hands for half an hour straight... etc. it's ultimately egodystonic - it takes the thing you hate the idea of the most and convinces you that is what you really are.

like you are genuinely an admirably principled person, more than many, and it's good that you do the right thing instead of the easy thing. but your anguish about like, not contributing enough good to the world as a comics artist and things like that screams morality ocd self-punishment to me... and repeatedly talking about it feels like a confession compulsion. which i also have, kind of! i feel the compulsion *to* confess, but i don't, because if anyone forgave me or told me it wasn't a big deal they obviously haven't formed a sound judgment because (1) they are morally depraved themselves, (2) i didn't explain myself properly and they didn't understand why it's bad, (3) they're my friend and being more permissive with me because they like me, so they're too biased.

this was long, sorry. but you're a good artist and i like your work and i hate seeing you suffer like this. and if you really don't have ocd, well, i'm just another weirdo armchair psychologist anon vanishing into the void.

i appreciate this and thank you for being kind+brave enough to send this while medication juggling is really making me insane new ways. i have not been diagnosed w/ocd and only started kicking the idea around not too long ago when cornered by the inescapable nature of my thoughts/feeling, the fact that no one understands what the hell i'm ever talking about, and seeing signs of it in someone else very close to me. and i guess incidentally learning more about how it develops/is treated.

lol your bit abt internally responding to how ppl try to comfort your "confessions" rings very true. i never thought of my posts as confessions but like im desperately trying to get a hold on a reality that makes sense to me because when reality doesnt make sense, it feels perilous and fleeting. like, doesnt anyone else feel like this? why am i the only one who sees this? how am i supposed to understand what i'm supposed to be doing to live a life that isnt equivalent to a sewage drain that empties out into people's houses if i cant even understand whats happening?

[gingerylangylang1979]

Male identity: Carmy and Richie

I’m finding that a certain demographic of fans have a much harder time relating to Carmy but very much relate to Richie. Granted, a lot of this has to do with what fandom platform you observe. I actually kind of hate The Bear subreddit but continue to browse it periodically because it’s super interesting to hear what “the others” are talking about. I rarely engage anymore because it’s mostly nonsense and a totally different vibe than Tumblr. The contingent is definitely very anti-Carmy x Sydney and seems to hate Sydney. I’ve also noticed that while there is a lot of love for Carmy there is even more love for Richie. I’m very intrigued by this perspective. 

This season Richie was definitely a standout. I think Ebon is an amazing actor and am glad he is finally getting nominated for his role. I thought he got robbed with the non-Emmy nominations. But even before S2 I noticed that Richie was the most favored character among the Reddit demo and perhaps a big part of the general audience. That’s fine, people can favor who they like. I know that doesn’t represent everyone but I do think that speaks for what I consider general audience and makes sense considering how society still views manhood despite social progress. This season even a lot of the reviews were kind of meh about Carmy. I get it, I initially was writing him off too, was pissed, and thought he had the worst arc. Then once thoughts settled he went back to being my hero. Deeply flawed, but I just relate to him so much and he’s fascinating to watch. I’m a woman, so maybe that helps my empathy. I also don’t think The Bear would work with Richie as the lead as some have suggested. 

The thing is Carmy is a more difficult character because he has multiple layers of trauma, his work is so specialized and niche, he is a sensitive soul, he’s artistic, and he doesn’t fit the mold of the working class male models he was surrounded by. Your typical man can’t relate to him. And most likely your typical conservative leaning woman can’t either. At the Christmas party he was appalled at how the other guys were talking about Claire. And this is a woman he had a crush on and is present day attracted to. He could have easily been superficial and macho and laughed at the jokes as expected. He didn’t let Richie get away with calling Syd sweetheart. Richie says he’s “woke”. He employs a woman in a leadership role. He’s built different. 

He is struggling in many ways that are hidden and he also lashes out. The hidden ways and the lashing out are interpreted as whiny and annoying by people that can’t relate. He’s been cited as not growing but people can’t acknowledge that his healing won’t be linear. But how can it be when his trauma was collected in overlapping seasons for most of his life? The pain didn’t develop in a linear path. He had a stutter when he was young. There are hints that there is a learning issue of some sort (I’m not going to try and diagnose). He was always the “different” one in the family. The other guys call him “weird”. His father was absent. His mom has mental health issues and is an alcoholic. He witnessed the traumatic incident at Christmas and I’m sure it wasn’t the only such incident. His brother was an addict that pushed him away, then killed himself. He went into a chaotic, highly demanding field that required him to isolate to excel. He is shy and has trouble forming close bonds. He had a mentally abusive boss. He was always super competitive. He comes back to own The Beef and it’s problem after problem. How are people expecting him to be “fun” and have an easy comeback like Richie? 

Richie has issues, too. Stagnant in mid-life, spent years devoted to an addict, failed marriage, feeling disillusioned and displaced, also an absent father. But when we meet Richie he’s not as wounded as Carmy. Carmy is literally sleep cooking, almost starting fires, dissociating, having panic attacks. Richie is sad but it mostly manifests as him being kind of nasty and grumpy. He’s like a sour old man with dated and offensive jokes. His behavior is dismissed because he’s grieving. Which yes, he deserves a pass. But why does he deserve a bigger pass than Carmy who is dealing with so much more or Sydney who seemed to bear the biggest brunt of his outrage and was also struggling? Carmy is literally on the verge of a breakdown and has the weight of trying to keep the staff, the business, and himself afloat. Despite all this Richie gets a lot of indulgences for his bad behavior that Carmy isn’t. 

Richie is easier for a lot of people to digest because he’s funny, he’s the working class representative, he’s tall (yes people have height bias, especially with men). Carmy is viewed as the pompous prodigal son that’s trying to ruin Richie’s delicate ecosystem by gentrifying and kicking out “the working man”. There are people posting in disgust that he dare change The Beef despite it being a hell hole money pit. 

It’s just so interesting that in reality we are dealing with an unprecedented numbers of men who report extreme loneliness, depression, hopelessness. Richie and Carmy both fit that profile. Yet, a man like Richie is broadly understood and accepted and a man like Carmy isn’t. It goes back IMO to the continual coding of masculine/good vs feminine/bad. Richie is the stereotypical red blooded American male. He wants the stripper’s panties. He has a gun. He needs to be alpha. He views anything outside the norm as a threat. He wants to preserve tradition at all costs. Carmy is his foil. Carmy is viewed as feminine. 

I see it even on Tumblr with the persistent identification of Carmy as somehow feminine. Like he can’t be soft and traumatized and just be a man. So what does that say when even people who would probably consider themselves progressive still classify a man in feminine terms if he isn’t a MAN? We accept all types of gender identities but still struggle with a man not fitting the correct paradigm. Society still has issues accepting that men can be vulnerable and struggling without being feminized. People also make assumptions about Carmy’s gender identity and sexuality based on his trauma. Like, of course he has to be XYZ because well, look at him, he’s sad an pathetic. What does that say about men’s sexuality and identity? Are only queer men accepted as sad? Carmy could be a queer character, cool, representation matters. But I just find the semi-automatic equation of queerness with an atypical male to be odd and a bit regressive. 

Edited to add on above: I hope what I’m saying doesn’t get interpreted as dismissing queer people who identify with Carmy. I get it, I support it. What I’m speaking to is the insistence that canon Carmy is queer because of his interests, aesthetic, and mental health as if that is the only identity option. Granted, he could be bi. I also think some people are insistent on this, just as they are on Syd not being into men, as a way to negate the possibility of them being romantic. Again, I’m saying some people. Also, proximity and shared struggle doesn’t equal identity. This makes me think of once when a white gay male bestie claimed we are the same because I’m a black women. I had to kindly correct. We share the same haters, we are both marginalized, but he will never know my experience just like I will never know his. We can bond on the commonalities but we aren’t exactly the same. IMO, it would be a disservice to both of us to claim different.

I’m really rambling, but just thought I would share my thoughts and open a conversation about this.