#you deserved better you adorable greek chorus

[ginger-snap-talkin-nonsense]

Heathers: The Musical

Beautiful

The opening of this number leaves something to be desired at first, with Veronica’s

pleas to return to the simpler time of kindergarten ringing closer to the girl from Mean Girls who doesn’t even go here than it does to the well meaning yet jaded protagonist we’re given here. However, that doesn’t last long. As Veronica waxes poetic through the high school halls we get a very interesting look at all the students cliquish together mock on another. The insults are harsh yet childish (shortbus, homo, slut, etc.) and we see Veronica herself not immune to these musings. Despite claiming she wants things to be better the first thing she says in regards to Ram and Kurt are that they’re assholes and idiots and her first remarks about the Heathers are judgy claims about the three of them. Veronica sees these people as human as they see her.

This isn’t subtext either, the first real glimmer that the creators have a strong vision come in the use of the Greek Chorus, wherein every kid who was previously hurling insults reveals confusion and guilt over their own actions. Even Kurt and Ram, the jock boys who later be killed by JD for attempting to coerce Veronica into sex while they’re drunk both exclaim regret of their actions (“Why do I act like such a creep?” “Why did I hit him?” “Why do I cry myself to sleep?”)

This leads into the introduction of the Heathers themselves-three girls regarded as both perfect and universally adored and universally despised. Described as ‘Solid Teflon’. But then we actually get their first lines…in the school bathroom…where one of them is engaging in bulimia. The other two Heathers actively discourage Duke from this but she obviously has body issues (as she is the one whose “mom paid for implants”, after all). To which the school guidance counselor walks in on them and-instead of treating this situation with the respect it deserves-rolls her eyes and attempts to give them detention for being out of class.

This is very significant as the pervasive theme of Heathers is that none of these kids are being the support to be better people, so how could they be better people? This woman’s job is to be on alert for kids going through something, but it will literally take the faked suicide of Heather Chandler for her to perform even a falsity of that job. It’s Veronica who shows the Heathers unbound kindness by forging a hall pass for them and getting them out of trouble.

To which Chandler is immediately suspicious because the other theme is

“When no one is nice to you without wanting something for long enough it messes with your perception of healthy relationships”.

Veronica then does ask for a favor in return for her help-being given a metaphoric thumbs up by the trip so she’ll keep from being harassed. Of course, the girls do her one better and Veronica becomes the fourth member of the Heathers.

Veronica herself is well characterized by the end of this. She’s kind even if that kindness comes with hesitancy, she loves her friend Martha, and despite her Daria-esque attitude to the people around her manages to be proactive right at the start as we see her actively tell one of the jocks she’s a afraid of to apologize to her friend when he attacks her. But she’s also easily swayed. Despite thinking they’re terrible people and thinking the concept of the school hierarchy is stupid, when given the opportunity to be at the top of the hierarchy with the Heathers she accepts with no hesitation. Her mantra going from the beginning of the song “We could be beautiful, just not today…” to the more selfish “And when you’re beautiful, it’s a beautiful day”.

It’s got some fun lyricism and some classic foreshadowing wordplay, I’m particularly fond of the line “Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze” as it draws an early line between Veronica’s emotional in the moment thoughts and the more intense tangible desires of JD being twisted by those thoughts.

All in all this is a solid opening number to this musical. Let’s see how they follow through with the introduction of the plot and the introduction of JD.

[that-ari-blogger]

Of Course Orpheus Is Here

As I have analysed Stray Gods: The Role Playing Musical, my thesis has been that this is a story about change, choice, and family. This is why Persephone is a majour player, for example, because of the symbolism of that character and the associated themes of her story. But there is one character who is so iconic to these themes that he has become the poster child for the power of love in Ancient Greek mythology.

It would have been a crime to not include Orpheus in this story. Both because of the themes mentioned above, but also because it's a musical, and Orpheus was a bard. This character was handed to the writers on a silver platter. They didn't even have to change anything to make him fit.

But they did change Orpheus. Or rather, they did give their own take on the character.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Let's start simple. Who was Orpheus in the myth? I know that this may be obvious, but it's nice to have everyone on the same page and to cite some sources.

According to Britannica, Orpheus was a bard who traveled with the Argonauts to retrieve the golden fleece, and married Eurydice. After her death...

"Overcome with grief, Orpheus ventured himself to the land of the dead to attempt to bring Eurydice back to life."

Which didn't go well for him. He was told to not look back, but he did anyway, and she was gone forever. The story continues, but it's all about his dismemberment, so I'm going to stop here. Worldhistory.org backs up this story, with some added context about his brother being killed by Hercules, amongst other interesting things. I encourage you to read the articles for yourselves.

In Stray Gods, the audience is introduced to Orpheus indirectly. As in, the entire segment with Orpheus in it is a reference to the myth. Freddy, Grace's friend (and in some playthroughs, love interest) has been killed and Grace will descend to the underworld to get her back. Immediately, the parallels are obvious, and we haven't met the guy yet.

There is also the parallel between Orpheus and Persephone. Specifically, the entitlement. Both feel that they made their choice and deserve the reward almost as a payment. The opening of this song serves to remind the audience, or spell it out if they don't already know, Persephone's backstory and motivation in this musical.

This is Orpheus's introductory shot. He's standing on a cliff overlooking an empty kingdom. You want symbolism? Here it is. Everything in this man's life has led up to this, this is a life he has built for himself. Except that he hasn't built it, he's taken it from someone else and is completely unequipped to deal with it. Orpheus is not a good ruler; Orpheus is an extremely lonely man.

And yet he is surrounded by people, by fans, by a chorus. Why is he so lonely?

He's lonely because these are ghosts, both literally and figuratively. They aren't friends or companions or anything similar, they are empty adoration, and he knows. The masks they wear serve to drive this point even further, there is no individuality, they aren't people to him, they are subjects. Orpheus is trying to become like Hades.

"Someone's coming..."

"You better be ready,"

"A wolf if wating in the tune."

"He's a master of his craft"

"Someone's coming..."

"We have to take back..."

"I can feel them howling at the moon."

"What is mine."

Stray Gods does this a lot. Two characters singing over the top of each other. But instead of shouting to be heard, they instead swap between like they are each the backup singer for the other. This is my favourite example by far.

It serves to show off how similar the characters are, but also their conflict and differences. It's like an argument through lyrics.

And that drum. That drum that keeps moving. Steady, like a clock, beating over and over, relentlessly. The drum that punctuates their words.

Time has made enemies of these two, both victims of a cruel king, now bitterness has turned them against each other. And the ticking of that percussive clock keeps on going, as if it's enjoying tormenting them. Until all of a sudden, it is gone.

This is how you present a threat. Grace has so far been the one to control the music, the one to get answers. And now here is a man who can do the same thing.

Orpheus isn't the biggest danger to Grace at all, but the emotionally charged nature of this interaction, combined with how much fun he has doing exactly what she does, means that Orpheus is portrayed here as an outright villain. For the moment anyway.

This is a villain song. This is the cackling egomaniac explaining his plans to the audience, so they know to root against him, while simultaneously explaining how great he is. I couldn't help linking the "best that's ever been" line to Ratigan's World's Greatest Criminal Mind song from The Great Mouse detective. And like Ratigan, Orpheus is surrounded by sycophants who talk absolute bollocks to please him, because he is in command. Exhibit A:

"I haven't really sung a single word."

"No he hasn't even sung a single word."

The man has been singing for nearly three minutes straight at this point.

"What's your problem with Persephone?"

Finally, we understand some things. Why is Orpheus so bitter? Because the love of his life was taken from him, and he blames Persephone for not doing anything about it.

But take this line for example:

"And Persephone you stood right beside him and said what a shame."

Contrast that with this line from an earlier song.

"You abandoned me to a terrible fate... you know how far I bent before I snapped."

The second line is from Old Wounds, and it is Persephone accusing Apollo of abandoning her, now Orpheus accuses Persephone of the same thing. This isn't so much a literary parallel, but two literary lines layered on top of each other.

The point I am making is that Orpheus factors into this story as a warning. Choices have consequences, sure, but so does doing nothing. Apathy leads to complacency, and when victims lash out and the cause of their pain is unavailable, the people who could have acted and did nothing are easy targets.

The caveat is that this is metered by human perception, which doesn't always match reality. Orpheus has perceived Persephone's inaction as being complicit and hasn't recognised her pain. Meanwhile Persephone has done the same to Apollo. And Apollo has actually done this to himself, seeing his own inaction as a weakness, whether accurate or not.

Then there is the question of why Orpheus is so associated with rock. As in, it's fun, and this song is a genuine bop. But why was this choice made? He could have easily gone for more classical, memorial tone, or even sung a pop song. So why this? Other than because a ghost electric guitar is awesome.

"[Rock] has been a symbol of rebellion, youth, and freedom. Rock music has also been a symbol of social change. It has been used to voice the concerns of the oppressed and to challenge the status quo."

- Boysetsfire.net.

Essentially, rock is a genre about change or bringing about change. And what does Orpheus want to do? He wants to take revenge, to change his circumstances. He's been wating for this moment for years, and now he is ready.

But Orpheus is an incredibly static character, at least when he is introduced. He stews and can't move on past injuries. So, in my reading, this is what this song is, the rock here is to bring about the change in Orpheus and Persephone, in finally getting them to move on.

"If he's the victim, what am I?"

This is, in my opinion, the most revelatory part of this song and the musical as a whole. Its a lack of understanding of this basic fact: Pain is not exclusive. If one person is traumatised, that doesn't eliminate or minimise what someone else went through. Life isn't a game of who is suffering more. If you want to heal, you need to understand not just yourself, but those around you. You don't have to empathise, but seeing another victim as an opponent isn't helpful and actively harms people more.

And if pain isn't exclusive, neither is healing. It is our duty as human beings to be kind, and if someone needs help, to at least offer and be willing to give aid. We are a collaborative species. If two people are in pain, especially because of a single cause, then helping each other to heal is always an option.

That drum that I identified with time and trauma returns for most of the song, playing erratic rhythms in ways a music scholar could probably analyse with much more coherence than me. What I will say is when the two finally reconcile, they sing over each other again, but this time it's less of an argument and more of a conversation, and that drum is nowhere to be seen.

They can take this healing on their own terms, in their own time.

Final Thoughts:

I love this song, and I love that Orpheus was included here. I feel that this song is a really nuanced discussion of the effects of someone like this version of Hades. He's not here, he's dead, but his legacy remains, and that empty throne is still ruling over Orpheus and Persephone as if they are still his subjects. I hope my analysis expressed this nuance coherently.

Next week I am covering both Adrift Reprise and The Trial. So stick around if that interests you.

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[queer-coded-camaro-driver]

How to Get Killed Off in Stranger Things:

1) Be queer-coded but not queer (Will and Robin survive via Gay Plot Armor).

2) Be shipped with Steve Harrington.

3) Have a mullet.

4) Be an adorable woman interesting enough for her own narrative arc (Lookin’ at you Barb, Chrissy, and Heather). 

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#140-131)

#140: Lordi -- Hard Rock Hallelujah (Finland 2006)

“You will see the jokers soon'll be the new kings!” I'm semi-convinced that if I heard this song when I was a child, I would've been so scared I would just hide (I also panicked at the cover of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, though that maybe because I didn't want to read such a long book). Watching it for the first time in 2020, I didn't mind it, though the monsters still puts me off. As much as I like to jam to this one, I can’t see myself listening to it over and over again. That said, one can’t take away from the sheer catharsis of this song, from the opening notes to how Lordi gleefully announces their arrival and thunders down Athens with the arockalypse. Whether it’s the first hard rock winner or the last schlager one, Lordi came, saw, and grabbed a first win for Finland after so many attempts, and made rock more popular in Eurovision for a few years. i You can’t resist yourself from headbanging to this one! Personal ranking: 3rd/37 Actual ranking: 1st/24 GF in Athens

#139: Natasha St-Pier -- Je n'ai que mon âme (France 2001)

“Mais je n'ai que mon âme pour te parler de moi, Oh, juste mon âme, mon âme et ma voix,” “But I only have my soul to talk to you about me. Oh, just my soul, my soul and my voice.” By the turn of the millenium, France switched back to contemporary ballads to represent them. While 1999 and 2000's entries didn't do well, their next two would be really strong songs amongst the weakest years ever, and that's why I appreciate France so much in the contest. Initially, I didn’t get it, because it sounded a bit derivative (not unlike what Celine Dion would sing). However, one thing which won me over was with the intro, which provided the base of a really great build. A soft intro leading to a lush instrumental, it shone above the crowd, and it turned from being "derivative" to being "gentle and sincere. Natasha delivers this with equal parts softness and grace, though the English parts did feel a bit out of place in the end. That might have cost it a (deserved) place on the podium, and France would have wait twenty more years for the next medal-placing. Personal ranking: 2nd/23 Actual ranking: 4th/23 in Copenhagen

#138: Lena -- Satellite (Germany 2010)

“I even painted my toenails for you I did it just the other day!"

Whenever you check the comments of any video on this song, you will note a bunch of angry Turkish people who insist MaNga should’ve won 2010. While I really love their song (and will end up later on the list), Satellite was a worthy winner. Along with its commercial success, Satellite is adorable because it is uptempo, sweet, and infectious. Lena acts like she’s having fun on stage and doesn’t even try to pretend. Her accent, which emerged as a result of her English teacher, adds to the charm and her overall innocence. It’s cute, which can turn off some people, but not me--I really embrace it. Also, Arilena Ara made a cover last year for Eurovision Home Concerts, which you should check out! It keeps the poppy vibe, but adds a funky edge to it. Personal ranking: 4th/39 Actual ranking: 1st/25 GF in Oslo

#137: Lazy Bums -- Shir Habatlanim (Israel 1987)

“עושה לי כוס קפה ומדליק לי הסיגריה יוצא אל המרפסת לפצח גרעינים הציפורים יורדות העציצים של המרפסת ומפזמות איתי את שיר הבטלנים” “I make myself a cup of coffee and light a cigarette I go out to the balcony to crack open some seeds The birds come down to the plants of the balcony And sing with me the bums’ song” The Culture Minister threatened to resign when Shir Habatlanim was chosen for the Israeli entry in 1987, but it adds to the charming element to this performance. After a decade in which the Israeli entries pranced around, this was something different, and the two actors really take on the role. The lyrics were a bit silly, but relatable with the bums not seeing the sun because of the buildings and doing random tasks while hanging out with the birds. The Lazy Song before the Lazy Song, I'm starting to think this is the "reality" on playing hooky, whereas "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" is the "expectations" part (and they are really high in the movie). The Blues Brothers-inspired performance ("We're coming to ya--"), combined with Kobi Oshrat's orchestration, makes this otherwise troll song into a comedic masterpiece. It's three minutes of fun and endearment, and I can't help but smile. Personal ranking: 4th/22 Actual ranking: 8th/22 in Brussels

#136: Antique -- (I Would) Die for You (Greece 2001)

"Κάθησα και σκέφτηκα Κι είδα ότι μ’ αγαπάς Μόνο εσύ, μόνο εσύ" "I sat down and thought Realised that you love me Only you, only you" Greece's first top-three placing in Eurovision is thanks to Helena Paparizou and guy whose name we do not know Nikos Panagiotidis, both who were based in Sweden at the time. They were well known for combining Greek instruments and dance beat; Opa Opa (written by Giorgios Alkaios, see #207 for his entry) is a really good example of this! (Thanks again, Nikos Terzis for composing this too) From the opening bouzouki, Die for You establishes a sense of cool; the pop production following it adds a sense of modernity that the 2001 class lacked for the most part. And compared to Je n'ai que mon ame (#139), the switch from Greek to English is absolutely natural. It feels like being in an exclusive club, filled with dim lighting and a very spacy ambience of it all--though the orange in Parken works as well. And despite being nineteen, Helena oozes cool in all the ways. From her sleek hair to her jumpsuit to how she moves, she makes the song her own, for what it's worth. I frequently find myself copying her handography, though sometimes my desk lamp blocks my left hand, making it feel a bit clumsy. Though I don't say this often, either Antique or Natasha should've won in 2001. Personal ranking: 1st/23 Actual ranking: 3rd/23 in Copenhagen Final impressions on 2001: DR tried to go big with 35,000, but everyone went to drink, and it felt like one hundred. The songs at hand tried hard to be cool, though in some places, we were better off in school. On their own, the strings in our hearts remain broke, though when the trophy did, our minds awoke. Despite the ambitions, the contest would make people leave the room. Thankfully, it was better than that of 2002! :) (On another note, of all the years Italy didn't participate in the contest, 1999 and 2001 were the most irritating. Here, Elisa's Luce (tramonti a nord-est) won Sanremo, and it's a surrealistically beautiful indie song with cool lyrics (especially it was originally written in English, and had to be changed to Italian for the contest). Had they competed, I could see a top-five finish for them, and I could see this as an all-time favorite for me.)

#135: Katerine Duska -- Better Love (Greece 2019)

“Won’t you lean on me You can lean on me Let them look, don’t know, don’t care Go deep with me...” She's not Amy Winehouse, she's Katerine Duska! I had a love/hate relationship with this song during the 2019 season. On the one hand, it’s a really good song, with a lush production and sultry vocals from Katerine Duska. The lyrics, while simple, deals with the theme of love in an interesting way--no matter who you are, you deserve a love that suits you.

On the other hand, considering my grudge towards the 2018 contest, I was worried that this may do well and restart the Greek golden age. That feeling amplified when the rehearsals started, when Katerine and co. had this faerie queene aesthetic. It looked absolutely beautiful, with flowers and fantasy and whimsy. And most important, swords (the MV had sabres whereas the live performance had epees.)!

Of course it qualified, but it collapsed in the final and placed 21st in the end. Some people attributed to how "messy" the staging was, along with Katerine's vocals. In hindsight, I could see it with the former, but the latter remained firm, and she aced that high note.

But it was a good change for Greece, showing that they can do indie music as well as pop and ethno. And Katerine's non-Eurovision songs are fantastic; especially check out Autumn Again and Athenian Skies! Personal ranking: 4th/41 Actual ranking: 21st/26 GF in Tel Aviv

#134: Netta -- Toy (Israel 2018)

“Wonder Woman don’t you ever forget You’re divine and he’s about to regret...”

This has been a total phenomenon ever since its release. However, it’s also quite polarizing, with some people really bopping to this one whether it's on the radio or Tik-tok, and others getting repulsed by the chicken noises or the strong message it provided.

For me, it's Toy's "in-your-face' nature which makes it really special. From the first listen, there's the element of surprise with Netta's looping (the MV intro on Spotify >>> regular studio intro). It then builds until Netta announces herself as a "beautiful creature" and that she wasn't going to be bullied by others. While the songwriters definitely used the "Me Too" movement as a vehicle for the song, it's Netta's influence, along with the Mizrahi instrumentation in the chorus, which packs a punch. Without those chicken noises, Toy would fall flat.

The staging had to be worked on several times, but the final result captured the song's kookiness in every way. From the fake looper to the backing dancer's choreography, the following three minutes is an explosion of fun (though some of the energy died on stage on first viewing).

In short, Netta deserved to win, and those who suggest otherwise is just mean.

Personal ranking: 5th/43 Actual ranking: 1st/26 GF in Lisbon

#133: Mariza Koch -- Panagia Mou, Panagia Mou (Greece 1976)

“Κι αν δείτε ερείπια γκρεμισμένα, όι-όι μάνα μ', Δεν θα 'ναι απ' άλλες, απ' άλλες εποχές, Από ναπάλμ θα 'ναι καμένα, όι-όι μάνα μ'…"

“And if you see shattered ruins, oh oh my Mother, It's not from other, from other eras It is burnt by napalm, oh oh my Mother...”

In their second appearance at the Eurovision Song Contest, Greece sends this politically-charged song to criticize the invasion of Cyprus two years before. The Greek military junta at the time wanted to unite the island with mainland Greece, which led to a coup. As a result, the Turkish government invaded Cyprus, and declared the non-recognized Republic of Northern Cyprus. This status remains to this day, which has hindered Turkey's admission to the European Union.

(Interestingly enough, Turkey broadcast this contest despite not participating, and censored the Greek song to replace it with a patriotic song. Haha)

Dark context aside, it ties into the folk tradition during that time, but adds a Greek touch to it with the bouzouki. Combined with thoughtful yet tragic lyrics, it stands out as a darker yet deeper tone from the 1976 contest. Mariza also conveys this with her clear, yet harsh vocals pinpoint the horrors of what was going on. Also, the orchestration adds to the grandeur of this with its lush strings.

Personal ranking: 3rd/18 Actual ranking: 11th/18 in Den Haag

#132: Chocolate, Menta, Mastik -- Emor Shalom (Israel 1976)

בוא, בוא, בוא עוד היום”, אני עוד כאן אז בוא אמור שלום, אמור שלום

“Come, come, come today, I'm still here so come say hello Say hello..”

From one heavily politically charged song to a slightly less so, haha! Emor Shalom is s very playful and cute song, the three girls charm their potential lover (or diplomatic) with their voices and dance moves.

The hidden political context comes from "shalom"--is it hello, or is it peace? When the song was performed, Israel had been independent for thirty years, but their geopolitical relationships were not good with their neighbors. So the three girls, who sung for the military, were not only hoping for a lover, but also for peace.

The song itself incorporates some elements disco with trumpets, which got me into it in the first place. I'm not entirely sure about how the latter works--they are fine, but it does feel a bit cartoonish. While the lyrics are a bit simple, they still add to it.

Personal ranking: 2nd/18 Actual ranking: 6th/18 in Den Haag

#131: Sonja Lumme -- Eläköön elämä (Finland 1985)

“Kaupungissa on yö, puistoon kanssasi jäin Sä seisot edessäin täynnä toivoa” “It’s night in the city, I stayed in the park with you You’re standing in front me full of hope” Top ten anime opening themes, part two!

From the intro until the end, I love how Eläköön elämä progresses. It not only has a sound which matches with music trends (along with those mullets, but it's the 1980s so we can move on about this...), but also has a joie-de-vivre in terms of the lyrics. I've heard about it being connected to the Cold War; considering it was before glasnost, I'd imagine one of the themes here was to enjoy every moment before the world ends.

Ossi Runne's orchestration mixes the punchy pop-rock with some really good strings and brass. An awesome instrumentation and hopeful lyrics, when put together, you’ve got one of Finland’s best ever entries.

Personal ranking: 1st/19 Actual ranking: 9th/19 in Gothenburg

Final impressions on 1985: While Sweden first hosted in 1975, the production ten years later shows their capabilities in putting on a good show. From the graphics to the stage to Lilli's hosting, it's a totally fun experience. The songs were a bit weaker than it, though there were enough gems to keep the mood buzzing. Plus, there were several good orchestral moments there (especially #193) which made it all the better!

[anincorrectpetunia]

On Fitz and his lil' friends...

Ya gotta have friieeeeeends...

...I’m not sure I like the him seeking a friendship with Kenny without the presence of Liv. It seems as though he’s trying to keep Liv close—though he says different. ...As for the flower plant, I remember Olitz talking about the different types and what they represent. He might have left her flowers that represent an apology because she blames him for basically ruining her relationship—which is absurd. --Guest/@edelineSchneid3

I know you feel differently about the flowers after Olivia's episode, but I al so hope you now feel differently about Fitz and Kenny? I don't think Fitz was overstepping by establishing friendship with Kenny. Olivia doesn't own Kenny, nor does she own Fitz. These are autonomous people. And I think Fitz tried to be clear when he went to Kenny that his wish for friendship was not a consolation prize. That's why I had Kenny put up his defences at first. He didn't want to be used. I hope I conveyed that they forged friendship in a hopeless place in both their lives, and turned it into something that is really meaningful in the present storyline (we'll see more). Olivia and Fitz come to have individual friendships with Kenny but also have a relationship with him as a couple (which episode 9 points to).

I loved that he chose to be vulnerable and confide in Alvin. Alvin seems a good choice of confidant, and Fitz needs an emotional support system. He's all alone the poor guy! With his fucked up Dad and Olivia running away. I'm glad he's making some good friends and is getting his own life. It's awesome. ...

His reunion with Kenny was sooooo sweet! And so layered. Man! It never occurred to me that Kenny would actually miss Fitz and be hurt that he stopped coming to the lounge. Or that watching Olitz fall in love would make him yearn for his own lost love, or to feel that love again with someone new. But of course! Brock makes sense now. I am totally here for the Fenny bromance. I wanna read all about it. They are adorable.--@aprillea

Thank you for highlighting the moments between Fitz and Alvin and Fitz and Kenny. One of the themes for Fitz's episode was about the different ways men interact with each other (family, friends, professional, even romantic). I wanted to show different types of connection between men, as well as what it looks like when men forge adult friendships that aren't based in sports or performative 'bro' stuff.

it's nice to see an Olitz writer tackle how Fitz's straight, cis, white male blinders impact the way he treats others. I really enjoy the overarching commentary on the challenges of interracial friendships and romantic relationships. ...I also really appreciate that you don't shy away from topics like Big Jerry's racism and the unspoken hurdles Fitz faces teaching at an HBCU.--@jilyandbambi

Thanks :). I really wanted to get BJ's racism just right lol. Fitz's blinders are at their worst when he's being very self-indulgent--either pain or pride. But, I enjoy wearing in real issues where I can...so long as it feels authentic to me. And I think Fitz needs a way to learn about blackness that doesn't leave it up to Liv.

Also I hope Kenny can find love again not only with just anyone, but someone who can live and love openly and freely as well. He deserves that happiness!--@kmack348

I feel like I always leave the same review, so here it is again: I love your writing. The way you write Kenney, the dialogue that you weave, everything flows so effortlessly and is a joy to read.--@kelleekellkell

I want Kenny to find love again, too. We'll see if he's open to it when we get back to the present timeline.

Kelleekellkell: you could literally cut and paste the same review for each episode and I'd still be grateful. Just say what's on your heart, Boo. I appreciate it. And I LOVE that you love Kenny so much. As the first of a growing cadre of OCs, it means a lot.

Was Kenny too harsh with him [Fitz]? Maybe. But Kenny is broken too and maybe the best person to help Fitz get his act together because at least his love still walking the earth. I'll see what happens.--@ScandalOnica

Kenny was harsh, and I think he recognised that. That's just the way it is sometimes. But, as you said, he was hurting and needed someone but could not admit that. Fitz piling on his problems just wasn't helpful when Kenny was internally dealing with grief that he was keeping to himself. But, I think you're right that they could help each other if they could empathise with what the other is going through.

Oh, Kenny. He broke my heart in this chapter, hearing about what happened with Tariq. It also sheds more light onto why he was so heated with Fitz in pt. 1 of Ep11, this time of year has to be really painful for him. I enjoy Kenny as the Greek Chorus of the main storyline, but giving him a backstory and fleshing him out as a character in his own right-again-adds to the immersion. Also, I stand by my statement that Kenny deserves better than Brock. I think he would do better with a more emotionally mature partner, he does enough emotional labor!--@jilyandbambi

You can thank ScandalOnica for Kenny becoming more fleshed out. She wrote a beautiful thought about his penchant for being a source for others instead of pursuing his heart's desires. She wondered if, perhaps, this was due to his past experiences. I thought about it, and I wondered why he was with Brock in the present storyline. What's he trying to prove or accomplish? When I started writing Fitz's chapter, it felt like Kenny was this 'B' story that then dovetails with Fitz's narrative. That they could help each other. As I've said before, I did not know how much Kenny was going to be present when I introduced him. But since you guys got attached, I've added more.

As for Brock, I don't disagree with you ;).

[mexicaneurolover]

Eurovision 2013 my top 39

Hello and welcome to another episode of this ESC top series, as I go back to May 14, 16 and 18, 2013, when the 58th edition of the contest was held in Malmö, Sweden, after Loreen’s victory in Baku last year. 39 countries took part, while Armenia returned after a little break, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Turkey, Portugal and Slovakia withdrew, and 2 of this countries haven’t returned since then, sadly. The contest was quite different from what we saw in latest years, because there was one host and the venue was smaller than previous arenas, but everything worked fine for me. This edition was won by Denmark and Emmelie de Forest with the song Only Teardrops, making this their third victory overall and the second on Swedish soil. And now, let’s review all the songs!

1st Place: UKRAINE/Zlata Ognevich-Gravity (Real Placing: 3rd-214 points)

But this song, this is one of those songs that capture you since the first time you listen to it, her voice is angelic, she’s so beautiful, the staging is perfect and the music is so inspiring and it’s like it has come from a Disney movie, I love Zlata, and I’m so amazed because of this song, GO ZLATA, LIKE GRAVITY. 

2nd Place: GREECE/Koza Mostra & Agathon Iakovidis-Alcohol is free (Real Placing: 6th-152 points)  

This song is so funny, I love the performance and Greek men so this is the perfect song for me, the music is so amazing and I’m crazy for their voices, all of them sound so good and it’s such an uplifting song, this is such a crazy song but works a lot for me. 

3rd Place: NORWAY/Margaret Berger-I feed you my love (Real Placing: 4th-191 points) 

Another epic and perfect song, the music is so powerful and this works as an alarm song to wake me up in the morning, I love Margaret, she’s so beautiful and her voice is so stunning, also this is a very memorable song, and it’s such a delight to listen. 

4th Place: SAN MARINO/Valentina Monetta-Crisalide (Vola) (Real Placing: 11th SF2-47 points)

WHY THIS ENTRY FAILED TO QUALIFY, IMO this is the best song from San Marino, Valentina is such a good singer and this has a lovely melody and her voice is so stunning, and that rhythm change at the end lifts this song so much and OMG THIS IS SUCH A PERFECT SONG, IT’S ONE OF THE BEST OF THAT YEAR. 

5th Place: MOLDOVA/Aliona Moon-O mie (Real Placing: 11th-71 points)

This song is so awesome and epic, her voice is stunning and the staging is such a delight to see. I love the music so much and the lyrics in Romanian are way better than the English ones, and the last chorus is so powerful and it’s the best part of the song, and I’m sure this is one of my fave Moldovan songs. 

6th Place: GERMANY/Cascada-Glorious (Real Placing: 21st-18 points) 

Awww the legendary Cascada in Eurovision and I love this song so much, I always dance to this one and it’s one of my favorite German songs of the decade. maybe her voice wasn’t so good in the night but in studio this is one of the best tracks, it has everything I craved for in 2013 and it’s a very catchy song. 

7th Place: THE NETHERLANDS/Anouk-Birds (Real Placing: 9th-114 points)

Speaking of beautiful songs, this is another one of those, her voice is so perfect and mysterious, the music is so epic and powerful and the lyrics are so touching for me. This is one of the songs that slowly grew on me and I love it so much. 

8th Place: FRANCE/Amandine Bourgeois-L’enfer et moi (Real Placing: 23rd-14 points)  

Why this finished so low? THIS SONG IS SO EPIC AND IT’S ONE OF MY FAVES, the music is perfect for me and her voice is so powerful and I’m in love with her, she’s stunning, the chorus is so good and the verses are so cool as well. 

9th Place: RUSSIA/Dina Garipova-What if (Real Placing: 5th-174 points) 

Another lovely song, the lyrics are so beautiful and her voice is so stunning, also the performance is so cool and it suits this song perfectly. I love her so much and I’m so amazed by this little song, I love the last part and this inspires me so much. 

10th Place: ISRAEL/Moran Mazor-Rak bishvilo (Real Placing: 14th SF2-40 points) 

OH THIS IS SUCH A PERFECT SONG, the music is beautiful and her voice is outside of this world, it’s so powerful and sweet, and I don’t understand how this didn’t make it through the semifinal. It’s one of those songs that leave you speechless and I love this one. 

11th Place: MALTA/Gianluca-Tomorrow (Real Placing: 8th-120 points)

If you don’t smile with this song or because of his smile, you’re dead inside. THIS IS SUCH A CUTE AND BEAUTIFUL SONG, the music is pretty and his voice is so cool, I love his charisma and this is such a happy song, I’m so in love with him and it’s perfect. 

12th Place: ITALY/Marco Mengoni-L’essenziale (Real Placing: 7th-126 points)

Awwwww such a cute and beautiful Italian song, and he’s so handsome hello, the music is so amazing and I love his voice, also the lyrics are so perfect and it’s one of those songs that touch my heart, I’m simply in love with this superb entry. 

13th Place: DENMARK/Emmelie de Forest-Only teardrops (Real Placing: 1st-281 points)

I have a love hate relationship with this one, I used to be crazy about this one but now I got a bit bored of it, still I appreciate it a little, I love the music and she sings so nice, it’s just that I’m a bit tired of this one and it isn’t my winner anymore, still a deserving victory. 

14th Place: AZERBAIJAN/Farid Mammadov-Hold me (Real Placing: 2nd-234 points) 

Oh this is a nice song as well, I love him so much and the staging is brilliant, i love the man in the box. His voice is good and the music is inspiring, it’s one of my fave Azerbaijani songs and it was a deserved runner up. 

15th Place: MONTENEGRO/Who See-Igranka (Real Placing: 12th SF1-41 points)  

Why this didn’t make the final? This is an awesome entry, I usually don’t like rap but this is so enjoyable, also her voice is so unique and i love the staging, so crazy and effective, the music is so awesome and epic, and such an underrated song. 

16th Place: IRELAND/Ryan Dolan-Only love survives (Real Placing: 26th-5 points/last) 

Why this song came last in the final? This is a mystery for me, I love the music so much and he has a nice voice, also he’s so cute and I love the performance so much. This song uplifts my mood and I like it so much. 

17th Place: GEORGIA/Sophie Gelovani & Nodi Tatishvili-Waterfall (Real Placing: 15th-50 points) 

Wow a powerful ballad, and they sing so well together, and I enjoy so much the performance and I love the key change at the end, that only makes the song better than it is and yeah, I like this song so much. 

18th Place: FINLAND/Krista Siegfrids-Marry me (Real Placing: 24th-13 points)

This entry is pure gold, the performance is everything her and I love her so much, maybe her voice was a bit shaky and off key at some point, but I always smile to this song, and it’s brilliant, the music is so me in 2013 and I’m in love with this one. 

19th Place: BELGIUM/Roberto Bellarosa-Love kills (Real Placing: 12th-71 points)

I adore this song so much, I love the music and his voice is so cool, my problem here is the staging, those dancers are so distracting. I admire his confidence in stage and yeah, this is a very good song. I always sing to this one. 

20th Place: SPAIN/ESDM-Contigo hasta el final (Real Placing: 25th-8 points)

This is a very good song, leaving aside her voice and the performance, the music is so lovely and the lyrics are beautiful, maybe if she had a better performance this would’ve scored better that night. I enjoy this song so much and i like it. 

21st Place: ESTONIA/Birgit-Et uus saaks alguse (Real Placing: 20th-19 points)

Awww another adorable song, she’s so gorgeous and I love the Estonian language, the music is so calm and beautiful and she has a pretty voice, this song makes me feel so good and wow, it’s so amazing. 

22nd Place: BULGARIA/Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankulov-Samo shampioni (Real Placing: 12th SF2-45 points) 

THEY’RE BACK, and with another epic and amazing song, I love how the modern sounds blend perfectly with traditional music, also Elitsa’s voice is as unique as always and they have a lot of energy in the stage. This might not be Water but this song is good, very catchy indeed. 

23rd Place: UNITED KINGDOM/Bonnie Tyler-Believe in me (Real Placing: 19th-23 points) 

Poor Bonnie Tyler, she’s a legend. This song is so nice, her voice is raspy, as always, but that’s what I love about her, maybe it’s not Holding out for a hero or Total eclipse of the heart but this song has a lot of charm, this is perfect for a Friday night with your friends. I LOVE YOU BONNIE. 

24th Place: BELARUS/Alyona Lanskaya-Solayoh (Real Placing: 16th-48 points) 

Oh her, she’s so beautiful and this song always makes me want to dance along, the music is so catchy and the performance is so good, and I always fail at trying that hand movement. This is a very enjoyable song. 

25th Place: ICELAND/Eythor Ingi-Ég a líf (Real Placing: 17th-47 points) 

Awwww, this is a very lovely and cute ballad, and it’s in Icelandic which makes this ten thousand times better, and his voice is so powerful and beautiful at the same time, this gives me a calm feeling and wow... I’m mesmerized by this song, so perfect. 

26th Place: LITHUANIA/Andrius Pojavis-Something (Real Placing: 22nd-17 points) 

AAAAA ANOTHER GUILTY PLEASURE, I love this song, the music is so brilliant and his voice might not be the best but it’s catchy, he’s like I don’t care what to do, and it’s so effective, and i find him cute somehow. A nice entry for me.  

27th Place: SWEDEN/Robin Stjernberg-You (Real Placing: 14th-62 points)

Oh this song is nice, his voice is good and it’s a cool song, but it’s a bit mediocre, the music here is pleasant but nothing else, the lyrics are so nice and lovely, and it’s weird seeing a Swedish song outside the top 10 this days. This year I’d have preferred to see Sean Banan or Yohio in the final.  

28th Place: HUNGARY/ByeAlex-Kevdesem (Zoohacker remix) (Real Placing: 10th-84 points)  

This is a very pleasant song, I love him, I love his voice and the performance is so cute and relaxing, this is something I’d listen in a park under the sun, and it’s so beautiful. What a beautiful song. 

29th Place: CYPRUS/Despina Olympiou-An me thimasai (Real Placing: 15th SF1-11 points) 

Awww so cute, her voice is so calm and relaxing, and the music is so adorable in this song, and it’s in Greek so extra points for me. A nice little entry from Cyprus, and it’s very enjoyable. 

30th Place: AUSTRIA/Natália Kelly-Shine (Real Placing: 14th SF1-27 points)

This song has a very chill vibe to it, and it’s good, her voice is nice but the performance ruined this song a little bit. The music is so good as well and it’s a very enjoyable song, maybe performing first with this one wasn’t a good idea. 

31st Place: SWITZERLAND/Takasa-You and me (Real Placing: 13th SF2-41 points) 

A lovely song with a lovely message, still this falls so flat at the chorus because the verses are so good, also the old man is amazing. An average song IMO, but still it’s nice. 

32nd Place: ALBANIA/Adrian Lulgjuraj & Bledar Sejko-Identitet (Real Placing: 15th SF2-31 points) 

This is one of my guilty pleasures of this year, this song is good, the music is nice and enjoyable and i love both singers voices, this reminds me of another song but I can’t say which one, still, this is one of the songs I enjoy the most from that year, yet is far from my faves list. 

33rd Place: ROMANIA/Cezar-It’s my life (Real Placing: 13th-65 points)

Ah the vampire opera singer, this is so... weird? He’s so handsome, his voice is perfect but the song itself is the problem for me, it has a lot of elements going on and it’s a bit unpleasant at some point. An average attempt but I love his falsetto.   

34th Place: SLOVENIA/Hannah-Straight into love (Real Placing: 16th SF1- 8 points/last) 

Okay this is a very good song with all the elements I loved back in 2013, sadly, her vocals were a bit bad and screamish at some point at the end, it’s memorable and nice, and it didn’t deserve last in the semi, but still, this wasn’t great live. 

35th Place: CROATIA/Klapa s Mora-Mizerja (Real Placing: 13th SF1-38 points)  

Oh klapa in ESC, how interesting, this is beautiful, but I can’t place it higher because I like more other songs, their voices are so magical and beautiful, yet the song is a bit forgettable. 

36th Place: SERBIA/Moje 3-Ljubav je svuda (Real Placing: 11th SF1-46 points) 

This song isn’t bad, but sadly is a bit plain and uninteresting, I kinda like the music but their voices weren’t on point and those dresses are horrible. This song has potential, but it was so ruined by many factors. 

37th Place: FYR MACEDONIA/Esma & Lozano-Pred da se razdeni (Real Placing: 16th SF2-28 points)  

I feel a bit bad because of putting this so low on my list, but I admit that the elements on this song don’t have an harmony and it’s a bit difficult to listen and understand, I love Lozano’s voice and Esma’s energy and charisma, but nope, this isn’t for me. 

38th Place: LATVIA/PeR-Here we go (Real Placing: 17th SF2-13 points/last)

Eeeeehhhh... this is an interesting song, a bit repetitive for me but I enjoy it somehow, but still this is an entry that I forget as soon as it ends, it doesn’t have anything special that makes this stand out from the rest.  

39th Place: ARMENIA/Dorians-Lonely planet (Real Placing: 18th-41 points) 

Oh no... this is a very boring song for me, I don’t like the music at all because I don’t click with it. His voice is quite nice but not for my taste, and also IMO it’s one of Armenia’s most forgettable songs ever. 

[kingunderthemountain]

ESC Songs: 2016 vs. 2017

it’s the most wooooonderful tiiiiiime of the yeeeeeear

I’m making this post as I go down the line, so I have no idea what the results will be yet, but I get the feeling 2016 is going to trounce 2017 because most of this year’s songs are painfully average and “ok” at best.

Portugal didn’t participate in 2016, Bosnia & Herzegovina aren’t participating in 2017, so those aren’t getting included, but I am including Romania and Russia because they had picked their songs before being removed from the contest. The content behind the cut is mostly my own opinions, but I probably pay more attention to this contest than a lot of people, so it’s colored by the opinions of others. Especially my best friend, who is even deeper in the ESC hole than I am.

Albania: Fairytale vs. World

Fairytale was kind of tragic as it was presented on stage and forgettable enough off it that I had to go and look it up to remember what it was like. World is performed by one of the strongest vocalists in the 2017 contest and is a favorite of many fans. I don’t find it super strong, although I do like the lyrics a lot, but it comfortably trumps Fairytale.

Armenia: LoveWave vs. Fly With Me Second country and we’re already in tough ones. LoveWave was so cool and Iveta Mukuchyan is a pretty incredible lady in several ways, but Fly With Me is an interesting song and it’ll probably have a cool stage show. I’m going to go with LoveWave because even though Fly With Me has an interesting structure, it makes it feel a bit like it wants to be at least four and a half minutes long and gets cut off just as it gets going. The last chorus does make for a nice sound bite for the recap reel, though, so it might do better than expected.

Australia: Sound of Silence vs. Don’t Come Easy Ah, Australia, the EBU’s pet project. Sound of Silence did ridiculously well last year and I fully expect Don’t Come Easy to pull through into the final from probably the worst position in the first semi-final. Still, I’m going with Sound of Silence because it’s so simple and so bombastically ridiculous at the same time.

Austria: Loin d’ici vs. Running On Air I make no effort to hide how much I loved Loin d’ici despite it being cheesy and fluffy and hilariously easy to misspell and mispronounce. Running On Air is a nice little song but it’s not as memorable.

Azerbaijan: Miracle vs. Skeletons I wasn’t big on Miracle because it was so generic. Well, Skeletons is also kind of generic, but only if you followed national ESC selections all over Europe and noticed there sure was a lot of electropop in them. Points go to Skeletons just because I’d rather listen to it again than Miracle.

Belarus: Help You Fly vs. Historyja majho žyccia I have a huge soft spot for Help You Fly and not just because my best friend has an adorable celebrity crush on Ivan. I do like Historyja as well, but it’s kind of... paint-by-numbers “cute vaguely ethnic folk” to me. The performers are enthusiastic and cute and that helps it, but Ivan was enthusiastic and cute too. Plus he gave us Måns Zelmerlöw naked on a hoverboard with a plush wolf. Point goes to Help You Fly.

Belgium: What’s the Pressure vs. City Lights What’s the Pressure and City Lights are both kind of... in weird genres for Eurovision? What’s the Pressure is one of the most successful funk songs ever in the contest and City Lights is already pretty high in predictions for this year. I’ve heard a lot about Blanche’s lack of stage charisma, though, so it might qualify but likely will tank in the final unless something really interesting is done with the show. What’s the Pressure is retro, City Lights is extremely modern, and it’s really hard for me to pick between them because I don’t feel very strongly about either. I’m gonna go with What’s the Pressure because it was such a lovely opening to the 2016 final.

Bulgaria: If Love Was a Crime vs. Beautiful Mess I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Kristian took the contest to Sofia for 2018. I still like If Love Was a Crime better.

Croatia: Lighthouse vs. My Friend Lighthouse and My Friend are, at the moment, pretty hilarious in their own ways, what with Lighthouse having that stage show and My Friend being essentially a duet but it’s sung by one dude because it’d be too gay to have two dudes singing or something. It remains to be seen if the rumors are true and Jacques will go all Two-Face on stage and grab Croatia the Barbara Dex Award for the second year running. Anyways, back to the actual songs! Lighthouse is great and I love it. I don’t have much good to say about the gimmicky song structuring exercise that is My Friend. It’s still totally going to the final.

Cyprus: Alter Ego vs. Gravity Cyprus used to send some of the more vapid and boring songs in the contest (I can say this because I unironically love La La Love). Now they’re sending something pretty decent for the second year in a row and it feels weird and unnatural. Gravity is finalist stuff, but I like Alter Ego more and it deserved to do better last year. (Also Minus One is my headcanon for a Dragon Age: Inquisition rock band AU. No points for guessing who the head vocalist is.)

Czech Republic: I Stand vs. My Turn I reeeeeeally didn’t like I Stand last year, although even I didn’t wish that nul points from the televote on poor Gabriela. I’m also not big on My Turn because even though I really enjoy Martina’s voice, her pronunciation of English combined with the rapid tempo of the verses makes the song kind of incomprehensible (though nowhere near as badly as Romania manages this year, woof) and the song doesn’t really grab me. Still, I’m gonna go with My Turn because I Stand was so dull, so by the numbers, so straightforward and bare-bones, had the worst lyric of the year (”you are my air / I’ll always care”) and had that “ho don’t do it” hair bun pull climax moment that was framed so badly it turned into a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it.

Denmark: Where I Am vs. Soldiers of Love Denmark hasn’t done as hot in the contest these last few years as they did the few years before that. Soldiers of Love was, I guess, trying to be New Tomorrow all over again? Unfortunately they weren’t great live and their looks kind of clashed with how incredibly poppy the song was. Where I Am is... a ballad sung by a beautiful woman, which should make me yammer on about how it’s boring and formulaic, but somehow Anja actually... pulls... it... off? It’s popular with the fans and I’m kind of dreading it might go the way of Icebreaker (my opinion on which you will find later in the alphabet). I like it better than Soldiers of Love and that’s kind of all there is to say at this point.

Estonia: Play vs. Verona I would say Estonia has been high these past two years but Leto Svet is a thing that exists. And we Finns voted for it! So it actually makes perfect sense to me that they send crazy shit in and this year oh boy are we in for the 90′s coming back. Still, I liked Play a lot and was super saddened by the bizarre live and how Jüri was so nervous that the whole performance tanked. Points to Play.

Finland: Sing It Away vs. Blackbird When Sing It Away was starting the whole ESC shebang last year, the Swedish commentator went “and here’s Finland, we know they won’t win but anyway”. And really, Sing It Away was great - on the UMK stage. The camera work was tight, the performance was energetic, the whole setup was great, and it was easy to accept Sandhja as the winner even though she was up against No Fear and On It Goes (which is freaking amazing so I am including a link, love you Mikael). On the ESC stage the performance was too small and too haphazard to make an impact. Blackbird was similarly stunning on the UMK stage, but Norma John have a strong vision about how they want their performance to look and I have faith that it will be the best possible version of their song, barring something like Leena getting sick before the semi. I really hope Finland makes it into the final this time, because in the sea of ballads with female vocalists, we have something really haunting and special this year. Points to Blackbird. Please make it to the final.

France: J’ai cherché vs. Requiem Let’s get one thing out of the way: I took French in school for eight years, and I almost always enjoy France’s ESC entries. Not sure if these two things are related, but they’re things. And I love J’ai cherché, and I really like Requiem too. But that sentence already shows my stance here. Alma seems like a sweetheart and apparently her live performances constantly improve, but Amir did such a solid job last year (and was one of my faves to win the whole shebang) that I have to give it to J’ai cherché.

Georgia: Midnight Gold vs. Keep the Faith Midnight Gold was kind of bizarre. It was a seriously weird post-punk indie rock song with an unsettling music video and seizure-inducing live show. And I loved it. Meanwhile, Keep the Faith is a shouty female-led ballad with an, um, shall we say suspect backdrop in the national final performance. Tako, you’re a great vocalist, but there are like a dozen female ballads this year and Keep the Faith isn’t one of the stronger ones. And definitely not as strong as Midnight Gold.

Germany: Ghost vs. Perfect Life ...I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I prefer Ghost to Perfect Life. Ghost was, at least, somewhat interesting - it was a good song with the wrong singer in the wrong backdrop with the wrong clothes. Perfect Life is just... really bland.

Greece: Utopian Land vs. This Is Love Utopian Land was an unusual genre (rap) in an unusual language (a Greek dialect) with an inscrutable theme. This Is Love is a generic electropop... thing... in English about love. You see my dilemma here. I’m... gonna go with This Is Love because, well, it’s inoffensive. Utopian Land is interesting, but not good enough.

Hungary: Pioneer vs. Origo Oh man, this is a matchup I really don’t want to call. I loved Pioneer last year, even with that one hilarious backup singer and the random drum dude, and I also love Origo with its just-ethnic-enough sound and its rap sections bound to make the juries hate themselves for trying to figure out which to rate it on. I... am leaning towards Pioneer. But this is the tightest matchup this time around.

Iceland: Hear Them Calling vs. Paper My best friend and I are ESC nerds and we’ve been running a lot of ESC 2017 simulations using this website (don’t use the diaspora tag if you try it out - it does weird things, best combo is odds + no diaspora) and we’ve noticed two tendencies it has. The other one we’ll get to later, but the first is that somehow, Iceland qualifies almost every time. Maybe it’s because Hear Them Calling was such a darling last year and then didn’t qualify. Anyway, I was one of those people who loved Hear Them Calling. I still do.

Ireland: Sunlight vs. Dying to Try Sunlight was... let’s say one of the weaker songs last year and leave it at that. Dying to Try is a cheesy ballad sung with gusto by a young man with a beautiful voice... that I cannot stop laughing at because my best friend pointed out it can be sung as “trying to die” and now you can’t unhear it either. You’re welcome. Also, it gets the point.

Israel: Made of Stars vs. I Feel Alive I would have found it beyond appropriate if last year Finland had selected Love Is Blind (although I will admit the lead vocals aren’t strong enough to have facilitated that) to go along with Made of Stars. Plus I feel like gay guys using the artist names Cristal Snow and Hovi Star would have gotten along smashingly. Anyhoo, back to the actual topic. I Feel Alive is a nice change of pace in 2017 - it’s an uptempo song with choreography and some ethnopop vibes tossed in there. Made of Stars is a bombastic crooning ballad that I like otherwise but am a bit sad that Hovi couldn’t pull off the best notes from the album version live. Both of these are solid contenders for above-the-middle-of-the-pack positions, in their own years and in any given year. I’m gonna give it to I Feel Alive because 2017 needs the perk-up.

Italy: No Degree of Separation vs. Occidentali’s Karma I didn’t care much for No Degree of Separation at first but it’s grown on me after the contest. I hope the reverse does not happen for Occidentali’s Karma because sweet jesus how I love this song. I would love to see it win. It probably won’t because the juries hate fun. Comunque vada panta rhei. Also point to Karma.

Latvia: Heartbeat vs. Line I wasn’t super into the Baltic Boys last year but in retrospect 2/3 served really strong performances so good for them. Point goes to Heartbeat because Justs performed the hell out of that song and Line is one of those songs I should love on a theoretical level but something in the execution falls flat and I don’t.

Lithuania: I’ve Been Waiting for This Night vs. Rain of Revolution I’ve Been Waiting for This Night is probably the best song Lithuania has ever managed to send to the competition. Rain of Revolution is in line with Lithuania’s usual level of competence in that it’s the worst song in the contest this year - on a theoretical level it’s super cool and interesting, but literally everything in the execution is messed up. (Also my best friend bought me a CD in Lithuania that apparently contains Lithuanian hits and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard, it’s mostly international hit songs like La Bamba and Meredith Brooks’s Bitch translated into Lithuanian sandwiched between shit like this. Literally every song sounds like it would play at a bar in a really cheap beachside bar in a Southern European tourist trap. Can any Lithuanian who sees this explain?)

Macedonia: Dona vs. Dance Alone Here’s Macedonia with two songs I want to like but... don’t? I’m gonna go with Dance Alone because Dona, as old-fashionedly adorable and elegant as it was, felt a bit too much like Kaliopi trying to cash off of her incredible money note.

Malta: Walk on Water vs. Breathlessly Breathlessly is Maltan power ballad by the numbers. Walk on Water was a modernized version of that. Except not really a ballad. Eh whatever point goes to Walk on Water.

Moldova: Falling Stars vs. Hey Mamma! Falling Stars was my pick for the weakest song of last year. Hey Mamma! is a ruthless ripoff of Sunstroke Project’s last effort, which turned into the most memetic ESC moment ever, but at least it’s a fucking breath of fresh air in a year of dreary downtempo and ballads.

Montenegro: The Real Thing vs. Space The Real Thing was overshadowed last year by Midnight Gold (and for good reason). Also HOLY CRAP I LOVE SPACE. And I am so sad preemptively that it’s not going to have a chance to get into the final. Slavko you precious diamond thank you for making the gayest song in ESC history.

The Netherlands: Slow Down vs. Lights and Shadows And here’s the Netherlands with two songs that are massively popular but I’m not super into either. Giving it to Slow Down because to be honest I know Lights and Shadows is really well performed but I can’t remember shit about it.

Norway: Icebreaker vs. Grab the Moment I almost always like Norway’s ESC entries in the 10′s. Icebreaker was an exception - that jarring slowdown into the chorus wasn’t pleasing to me at all. Grab the Moment has lyrics I enjoy and I’m confident it will also fail to make the final because the juries won’t vote for speak-singing. Still, I vastly prefer it to Icebreaker.

Poland: Color of Your Life vs. Flashlight Uuuuuuuuggghhhhh Color of Your Life UUUUUGGGGHHHH I mean Flashlight is boring and when it’s not boring it’s kind of creepy but it’s not that.

Romania: Moment of Silence vs. Yodel It! Ah, poor Romania last year. Still, they made up for their musical operatic rock song not making it to the final by sending us motherfucking yodeling. Yodel It! is absolutely going to be in the top 10 in the final even though I can’t understand a fucking word of it.

Russia: You Are the Only One vs. Flame Is Burning You Are the Only One is one of the best things ESC has seen this decade. Flame Is Burning is... vaguely creepy on a lyrical level (Russia seems to do this a lot) and I might get hate for this but Julia’s voice is so thin I could barely hear her over her backing vocalists. I don’t feel like it’s a big loss musically that Russia is out, but it’s going to do... interesting things to ESC.

San Marino: I Didn’t Know vs. Spirit of the Night And here’s San Marino sending shitty disco two years in a row! Seriously though I know Serhat was memetic and all but even though it’s boring and formulaic Spirit of the Night is at least listenable. Once or twice. As background music.

Serbia: Goodbye (Shelter) vs. In Too Deep I kind of like In Too Deep. But it’s not super memorable and I don’t see it hitting the final. Goodbye (Shelter) was my pick for “most improved from national final” last year because holy hell that national final video is impossible to listen to because Sanja will not stop making faces. It ended up being super impressive live after they toned her performance down a bit. So in the end, point goes to Goodbye (Shelter).

Slovenia: Blue and Red vs. On My Way And here’s Slovenia with songs I don’t like... Neither of these songs have the greatest lyrics and the performances, although technically good-esque, feel sort of bland and emotionless. I’ll give it to On My Way just because it’s better on a technical level. Even though it has my least favorite lyrics this year.

Spain: Say Yay! vs. Do It for Your Lover And here’s Spain with songs that tanked! I can say this preemptively because I can’t see Spain getting any other position in the 2017 final than last. This is corroborated by the fact the ESC simulator I mentioned earlier never fails to leave Spain in last place, usually with like 4 points total. Also poor Barei. Say Yay! was good fun but the choreography, the stage setup, and the camera work really let her down. Still a banger that’s going to play at Eurovision parties everywhere for years to come.

Sweden: If I Were Sorry vs. I Can’t Go On If I Were Sorry was another song that grew on me after the contest. Meanwhile, I can’t stop listening to I Can’t Go On. “So freaking *chef hand emoji* buttehål” is a meme with me and one of my housemates. I’m so afraid Sweden will win again with this thing.

Switzerland: The Last of Our Kind vs. Apollo Ohhhh boy Rykka’s choreography and outfit sure were things. Go watch the national final performance of The Last of Our Kind and then go watch the ESC semi performance and wonder where it all went wrong. Meanwhile, Apollo was the first song this year I started singing along to. I like it. I like the lyrics a lot.

Ukraine: 1944 vs. Time Obviously, the Ukraine isn’t trying to win ESC twice in a row, but Time is still a pretty decent song and it’ll get votes in the final just on being the only rock song this year. Meanwhile, 1944 still makes me fucking tear up.

United Kingdom: You’re Not Alone vs. Never Give Up on You You’re Not Alone was... kind of fun I guess? Never Give Up on You has slowly been growing on me but it is another female-fronted ballad, which isn’t exactly in low supply this year. Eh whatever I’ll give it to You’re Not Alone because it was kind of fun.

End result: 2016 (24) vs. 2017 (18). Mhm, I figured.

[whitejeweler]

Welcome to Music Monday when we bring you exciting songs with jewelry, gemstones or precious metals in the lyrics or title. Today, Marina Lambrini Diamandis, better known as Marina and the Diamonds, stays true to her name in the 2012 international hit, “Primadonna.”

In this song about a self-absorbed diva who “wants the world,” the sassy 32-year-old Welsh recording artist tries to coax a marriage proposal and a giant-size sparkler from her suitor.

She sings, “Would you do anything for me? / Buy a big diamond ring for me? / Would you get down on your knees for me? / Pop the pretty question right now baby.”

Diamandis created her stage name by incorporating her first name with the translation of her surname, which means “diamonds” in Greek. She explained that “the Diamonds” part of “Marina and the Diamonds” does not refer to her backing band, but to her fans.

“Primadonna” was the lead single from the 32-year-old artist’s second studio album, Electra Heart. MTV Buzzworthy critic Sam Lansky described “Primadonna” as “a monster song,” and fans across the globe agreed. The song was an international sensation, reaching the top five in three countries and charting in 13. Within the first few hours of its release in March of 2012, the song became a worldwide trending topic on Twitter.

Born in Brynmawr, Wales, Diamandis moved to London as a teenager to pursue a music career. In 2009, at the age of 24, she placed second in the BBC’s “Sound of 2010” competition. That success led to her debut studio album, The Family Jewels.

The official video at the end of this post has been viewed on YouTube more than 68 million times. The lyrics are below if you’d like to sing along…

“Primadonna” Written by Marina Diamandis, Julie Frost, Lukasz Gottwald and Henry Walter. Performed by Marina and the Diamonds.

Primadonna girl, yeah All I ever wanted was the world I can’t help that I need it all The primadonna life, the rise and fall You say that I’m kinda difficult But it’s always someone else’s fault Got you wrapped around my finger, babe You can count on me to misbehave

Primadonna girl, Would you do anything for me? Buy a big diamond ring for me? Would you get down on your knees for me? Pop the pretty question right now baby Beauty queen of the silver screen Living life like I’m in a dream I know I’ve got a big ego I really don’t know why it’s such a big deal, though I’m sad to the core, core, core Everything is a chore, chore, chore When you give I want more, more, more I wanna be adored

(Chorus) Cause I’m a primadonna girl, yeah All I ever wanted was the world I can’t help that I need it all The primadonna life, the rise and fall You say that I’m kinda difficult But it’s always someone else’s fault Got you wrapped around my finger, babe You can count on me to misbehave

Primadonna girl Fill the void up with Celluloid Take a picture, I’m with the boys Get what I want cause I asked for it Not because I’m really that deserving of it I’m living life like I’m in a play In the limelight I want to stay I know I’ve got a big ego I really don’t know why it’s such a big deal, though Going up, going down, down, down Anything for the crown, crown, crown With the lights dimming down, down, down I spin around

(Chorus x 2) Cause I’m a primadonna girl, yeah All I ever wanted was the world I can’t help that I need it all The primadonna life, the rise and fall You say that I’m kinda difficult But it’s always someone else’s fault Got you wrapped around my finger, babe You can count on me to misbehave

Cause I’m a primadonna girl, yeah All I ever wanted was the world I can’t help that I need it all The primadonna life, the rise and fall You say that I’m kinda difficult But it’s always someone else’s fault Got you wrapped around my finger, babe You can count on me to misbehave Primadonna girl

Credit: Screen capture via YouTube.com.

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