#you chose to read a story centred on special education until the end

[disabled-dragoon]

"If we stopped putting disability in everything, people wouldn't go around pretending they need a diagnosis."

-The anonymous, admittedly non-disabled, private profile says to the openly disabled person who wished that a comic that began with a sudden dyslexia diagnosis had focused just a little bit more on the impact of the diagnosis itself

[oceansmelodysblog]

Until my last breath

A botw Zelink reversed roles AU story

Chapter One - part One

[Notes at the end of the chapter]

As always, Link wakes up with the first rays of the sun, when the night still hangs mighty over the sky. When he jumped out of his bed in his sapphire blue night suit, he looked out of the wide-open window and searched for the sun. The white light broke a line at the end of the horizon and let the peak of the mountains look dangerous and scary. As Link walks to the closet and pulls out his black tunic and his Hylian trousers, the first servant knocks at the door and pleads for entrance.

“You may come inside.” Without showing any emotions, the servant called Celessia, brought him his morning hot tea made of the mighty thistle. It increases his willpower and lets him train harder and better every morning. “Please leave it on the table mistress Celessia.”

“Yes, your royal highness.” She says in a soft voice and leaves the room quietly.

Satisfied, Link nips at the soothing warmth of the tea and plans what training session he will have to train today.

He marched along the training ground and chose a suitable target, pulled his bow from his shoulder, leaned an arrow against the string and pulled the string with his thumb. The huge ring on his thumb, bearing the royal crest, protected his thumb from flesh wounds, inflicted by the string and too long training. He took a deep breath and concentrated on the point to which he wanted to shoot.

Then, he let go of the string. The arrow whizzed through the air and struck the black centre with full force.

Still, he wasn't satisfied, it didn't challenge him much, didn't give him a thrill to shoot after a target when he wasn't under stress.

Link trained non-stop, relentless, and driven by his delusion to outdo his brothers in the Heir to the Throne selection. He jumped over obstacles and shot from the air at several targets at once but failed to land and crashed to the ground.

He refused to give up and stood back on his feet with a shaking body. He took a deep breath to concentrate, but pain from his ribs stabbed through his whole body. His breath shook with pain and he sweated nervously. 'Focus, Link!' he slapped himself inwardly and started his iron-hard parkour again.

After the hard work out, he looked for the healer down the market. He walked past hard-working people from the kitchen and was greeted warmly. He smiled back each time but had to control himself to grimace so as not to show the pain. He always admired the drive of the people who worked in Hyrule Castle and tried to be friendly to them, even when his father tried to tell him otherwise.

‘A king must always maintain his dignity and never regard anyone as his equal,' his father's words rang in his head. Link, however, disagreed.

He continued to walk the corridors and observed the goings-on, picking up conversations here and there. One of them had been able to catch a special fish yesterday, and another told of a wrestling match in which he earned three times more than in the castle. Link always found the conversations interesting because he could learn a lot from the lives of others, and it didn't make him look like a spoilt prince locked up in the huge castle.

When he finally found the exit to the marketplace, he sighed with relief. The sun had been in the sky for some time by now, dipping the lively square in a golden, welcoming light. Men and women shouted and chanted from their stalls to attract more buyers, but Link also saw castle-affiliated servants, presumably running errands for the kitchen and the royal family.

Link, glad to be reasonably undetected, continued his search for the healer. But he was no longer at his stall, as usual. He therefore asked a passer-by who was nearby if she knew where the healer was.

"Yes, the old man has retired and is training a new disciple, he is in an old hut at the end of the road, around the corner to the left."

"Have thanks, honoured lady. Have a good day." Link politely said goodbye and hurried to the healer, because he didn't know how long he could stand the pain on his ribs.

As he reached the end of the street, he noticed how quieter it was and how shabby the houses here looked. He knew he would take another look on the surroundings to speak with his youngest brother, on how to improve this area when he had more time, but now he limped straight to the open door of the hut, expecting to find the healer, or his student, but instead he found a young woman with golden long hair.

The sun shone only minimally through the dirty windows, but the few rays made her hair look like liquid gold. The girl was squatting on the floor under the table filled with all sorts of herbs and substances, making notes in a small book as she looked back and forth between her book and the herbs.

 Link leaned against the wooden door frame with his arms folded, analysing her from head to toe. Her back was turned to him; from the looks of it, she hadn't noticed him yet. Link cleared his throat, startling the young woman, and banged her head against the edge of the table. She held her head with her face contorted in pain and turned to him curiously.

"I am sorry I didn't want to scare you-" His eyes widened and his mouth was wide open as he looked into her pretty face. Neither could get out of their stare until Link cleared his throat to avoid being rude. "I'm looking for the healer, or at least his apprentice. I-"

"You have chest pains, am I right?" she interrupted him.

For a moment he stared at her, perplexed, and immediately understood. "So, you are the healer's pupil. I see. Say, would you look at my ribs, the pain takes my breath away."

"Very well, please sit on the table."

Link did as he was told and sat on the table while the young woman laid herbs and bandages ready beside him. Curious, he watched her work.

"If you will allow me, I would prefer to remove your tunic".

"It would be a great help if you could do that for me." He whispered through his pain. Sweating through his sorrow.

She looked at him with her big green eyes and smiled shyly. Quietly and carefully, she pulled up his top and got him to release his pain-free side first, then helped him out of his injured half. Gentle, soft fingertips tentatively touched his skin. He wasn't sure why his body was paying so much attention, though, because she wasn't the first woman to touch him, after all.

"What is your name, healer?" he asked, giving her a sly smile.

"My name is Zelda, my lord. Or should I say Your Royal Highness, rather?" she said, curtsying playfully. Through her lashes, she looked up at him and smiled.

Link was surprised once more at her astuteness. He smirked. "You recognised it from my ring." It was more a statement than a question, yet she nodded.

"Outside of the royal family and the archer battalion, few are permitted to wear a ring on their thumb. And only the Royal Family is permitted to wear this ring with the sacred Triforce Seal of the Deities. Judging by your sea-blue irises, you must be Prince Link, as your brothers often have ice-blue or green ones."

Link wondered why he had never met such a gifted woman, even though he knew every face in and around Hyrule Castle. While he pondered this, she crushed plants in a wooden mortar and spread the paste on the bandages.

Zelda secretly kept looking at Link's immaculately shaped face, but quickly lowered her gaze when their eyes met.

"These herbs will soften the lesions on your ribs and the bandages will support your muscles. Please be more careful with your body next time. When the body and mind are not in harmony, such injuries occur."

Link nodded and then felt the cooling paste on his body and how she carefully, with skilful hands, tied the bandage around his broad chest. He relaxed; exhaled in relief.

"I thank you for your help. But I am surprised that I have never met such a beautiful and skilled woman as you are. Is this your first time in the marketplace?"

"No, your royal highness. I have been here for some time and enjoyed training as a healer. You just hadn't noticed me until now."

"What a blind idiot I've been." Meaningfully, he stared into her green eyes.  He knew women were at his feet when he looked at them like that.

"No you're not, your royal highness. Our paths just haven't crossed yet."

"Then I would like our paths to cross more often, from now on. What would you think of getting a better education at the castle? I'd get you all the books and materials you'd need and you'd be given the title of Royal Healer."

Zelda frowned imperceptibly, generous offers usually had a catch with them; even more so when it came from a prince.

"Forgive my rudeness, but I must decline your offer. I am still not a trained master healer and I have yet to pay off my debt to the master, so I will stay here where I belong. You should now return to your palace and rest your bruises."

Zelda turned her back on him and returned her attention to her notes.

"Do you not charge a fee for treatment?" he asked, as if left out in the cold. While he knew that not everything worked his way, it felt like a punch in the gut with her.

"No, because I have to write everything down and if the Master reads that a prince has been here, he'll grumble at me for not taking all your rupees." Zelda half turned to Link and squinted over at him while the corners of her mouth twitched trying not to laugh at her master.

"Then accept this as an anonymous donation" Link reached into his leather pouch on his belt and detached it. Setting the entire pouch down on the treatment table, he picked up his tunic and left the hut before Zelda could refuse his generous donation.

Link stopped shortly and heard from a distance how Zelda snapped for air sharply and then began to cheer. He couldn't help but smiling broadly across his face. Proudly, he walked back to the marketplace.

In the open square, the wind blew icy cold over his naked and bandaged upper body. As if he were stepping out of a hammam into the open air, the icy cold awakened his senses. He was aware of how much rupees he had left behind and hoped that the oddball old man would relieve her of her debt. But knowing him, it was not the case.

As he mulled over a solution to help Zelda to move on, he smiled half-heartedly at the passer-by who greeted him with his title. He was too busy trying to find a solution.

Soon the winter solstice would fall in the kingdom, it would get freezing cold in the run-down hut and he wanted them to be warm.

 

Zelda counted the rupees the prince had left again, just to make sure she could trust her mind. Six thousand five hundred and sixty-four rupees she counted in total. It was enough to research more medicines, buy new instruments and they could still find a better, but more importantly warmer, place to stay that had a bit more space to accommodate more patients. "Almighty Goddess Hylia, I thank you for sending me this generous prince," she whispered.

"Did I just hear generous prince?"

Shocked, Zelda turned abruptly to stare at her diminutive master. She had to quickly weigh how much to reveal without Link losing face. It was too unlikely that a person of the royal family would show up.

"A man came on behalf of the royal court and delivered this purse full of rupees to me. The man did not want to reveal who the anonymous donor was at first, but I managed to find out that it was one of the princes. The servant added the message that it was time to fund Doctor Borville's talent and left without another word. That is all I know, sir."

Zelda held her breath, so tense was she. Under no circumstances could she reveal to the old man that the Prince had been here, as he would force her to ingratiate herself to the Prince to exploit him for his greedy purposes.

The old man scratched his pointed beard thoughtfully, took his chair and sat on it.

"Finally, it is about time that my knowledge is appreciated. I'm just wondering which of the princes it was. Ragnar and Link always come here when they've messed up in their training and are too proud to go to the royal healer because their father would get wind of it. It must be one of them…hmm… I wonder which one…"

Dr Borville lit the tobacco in his pipe with relish and leaned back in his chair. Zelda forced herself to smile because of the lie about his skills. She knew that her abilities had surpassed her master's and every day she felt it more and more; as if she was standing still without being able to grow. But then she smirked at the thought of Link secretly trying to escape his father's eyes.

"But don't you dare using the money to pay your debts. I'll publicly denounce you as a thief if you do," he warned her.

Zelda clawed her nails into the edge of the table she was holding onto and sighed inwardly. Of course, she wouldn’t dare to, but the old man hated young people and women and she was both, so she was incessantly subjected to his harassment.

She had to do something to be able to live independently of her father one day. A life of freedom, far away from the place where she had only bad memories. But as it goes as it is, she wondered if she was ever able to accomplish that since the old geezer barely paid her full salary.

To take her mind off things and distract her teacher, she posed curiously. "Doctor, would you kindly tell me more about the princes?"

"You silly brat, don't even know anything about the ruling family. These children these days, never learn. Anyway, let me explain to you who the royal family is:

Starting with King Selim. He is titled The Mighty and The Merciless because he mercilessly defends the sacred places of the goddesses. The present borders of Hyrule are entirely due to his iron hand. In the past, there were often wars over those sacred sites, over the Temple of Time and the Forgotten Temple. However, King Selim never gave up and risked everything to protect those places. Unfortunately, he is also merciless within his family, as he expected the same strength from his sons. That is why his sons come to me very often, as everyone in the royal house is under the king's watch. Everything is reported to the king and even injuries that the boys inflict on themselves during hard training can lead to the father's disfavour. You must know, none of them have the same mother and are therefore exposed to constant competition. To avoid brothers of the same blood killing each other to get on the throne, King Selim enforced the law that as soon as a queen gave birth to an heir to the throne, she would be sent to a province with her son. The young prince would then undergo an extensive and rigorous education until the age of 16, so that he would henceforth be allowed to live in the royal court. However, who was allowed to be crowned king was up to the king alone. In the past, the remaining brothers were executed to prevent them from plotting against the new king, which also explains why the boys have no uncles and only aunts. Selim may be a cruel man, but the loss of his brothers also demanded a lot of him, so he decided to change the old law by sending the remaining brothers back to their mothers. Princes also have the choice of establishing themselves in other fields, such as the armed forces.

If we look at the first-born Prince Ecberht; The ambitious and eccentric Ecberht, sees his brothers only as competitors for the royal throne and often gives them a hard time. However, at his young age of 20, he has a strange power to draw attention to himself and also enjoys making big speeches to fire up the crowd. He spends most of his time handling diplomatic affairs in other kingdoms and playfully twists people around his finger. You can recognise him by his different coloured eyes; one green and one blue. He has darker hair than his brothers because his mother, Queen Seaxbourgh has very dark hair and green eyes. Like all princes, he had to be taught martial arts and is consequently very muscular. He has no siblings, as he was the very first child.

Prince Link, the son of the second queen, Queen Aslaug, is a highly talented archer, horse warrior and wields any sword weapon as if it were part of himself. And yet he is only 19 years old and already surpasses any sword master."

 Zelda tried not to let on how the name caught her attention, so she turned her face away and turned her attention to the herbs. Dr Borville paused briefly in his narrative to clutch at his painfully cramped back. Meanwhile, she looked for a plant that increased concentration and one that relieved pain. She boiled both with hot water and handed the tea with the pain relief to her master. The doctor's little errand boy returned with a bag of herbs and Zelda motioned for him to sit on her lap and listen in.

"Well, now that we are complete, I can continue the tale... where was I?" asked the senile man.

"At Prince Link's."

"Oh yes exactly! Prince Link, as I said, is not only gifted in the martial arts, but also excels in all the sciences. Some rumour says he is the King's absolute favourite, having inherited his father's acumen and ruthlessness. However, he is not my favourite, as he has a too soft heart, having inherited his mother's sense of justice and mercy. These people only bring trouble and endanger the rules of the monarchy, as was seen years later."

" What happened years later?" asked the little boy, on Zelda's lap, named Nebb. He was just six years young and yet he had to work so hard to help his family.

"Don't be so impatient, you brat!" the doctor grumbled.

Nebb winced imperceptibly, but Zelda didn't miss it and hugged him closer. He looked up at her and thanked her with a smile.

"The problem was that King Selim was so fascinated with her that years later, he bent the rules and fathered a second child with her. Princess Lagertha. She must have reached the age of 12 by now. You can see how dangerous the very existence of such people is for the dynasty's continued operations," he grumbled.

Zelda sighed inwardly. 'Surely this grumpy old man is afraid of everything that is foreign to him,' she thought.

"Anyway, what about the other princes?" she asked instead of speaking her thoughts aloud.

"All right, then. Let us now come to Prince Ragnar. He is the son of the third queen, Bonduca, a queen who was also an army commander and a warrior in body and soul. Ragnar therefore takes after her; a giant, broad-shouldered and a strategic genius. You can see his lust for battle in his eyes. He is generally recognised by his provocative smirk on his face. You can recognise him by his ice-blue eyes and white-blond hair, which he has braided into a complicated knot combined with an undercut. However, he is also a womaniser and no one knows how many bastard sons he has fathered. He may be a battle-strategic genius on the battlefield, but to rule a kingdom he is far too cunning.

Then there is Prince James, the youngest brother. Three years younger than Prince Ecberht. He is the son of the third queen, Queen Elizabeth. Average height, athletic and possesses an immense repertoire of knowledge. Although he has copper hair, a stubbly beard and green eyes, like his mother, he is very calm in contrast to his striking appearance. He is only interested in the relics of the ancient peoples who once developed these titans, shrines and towers. All humbug, in my opinion. At least he has a knack for architecture, infrastructure and finance. He could handle numbers and formulas like no one else in the kingdom and is often consulted by the Sheikah. In my opinion, he should take more interest in it, but nobody asks me. Old people have nothing more to say. What are these relics for? It's not for nothing that they were never used, as no one seems to have needed them! Pah!"

But as the old doctor was getting more into his aggression, a young man in his mid-twenties suddenly came rushing in. Zelda, in a panic, hid the little Nebb behind her and stood in front of the sack of Rupees so as not to create any problems.

"Hand over the rupees the prince left you and no one will get hurt!"

"There was no prince here! Now get out of here before I ram my cane so far up your ass that you can nibble on it with your teeth," said the grim old man, waving his walking stick on his chair.

Zelda, meanwhile, secretly tucked the pouch into her sleeve. "Please don't hurt us, we will give you what we have, but a prince was not here. And we have only the bare necessities."

"I don't believe a word you say! I saw one of the princes come out of this street!" he shouted, waving his short sword around.

"Get out of here, you good-for-nothing dumbass!" the doctor shouted.

Zelda slowly walked to the herb cupboard where her savings were and gave it to the burglar.

"As I said it's not much, but it's all we have. A prince wasn't here either, because as you know they would never set foot in a dump. They are too fine for themselves." She watched expectantly as the man assessed the information and hoped he could not see through it. The man lowered his knife and counted the rupees in the container as she slowly turned to Nebb and gestured with her eyes for him to give her one of the stinking elixirs. Like a ghost, the little boy moved around the room and stealthily handed a bottle to Zelda's hand behind her back. Determined, she held the bottle in her hand and prayed to Hylia to have the courage to do right.

The young man eyed her suspiciously and took out all the money and put it in his belt pouch.

Tensely, Zelda watched what was happening and clutched the bottle like a sprout of hope.

The old man looked at the young man grimly. Zelda inwardly admonished him for saying something rash. This was a dangerous situation in which they would either have to get away with minimal loss or pay with their lives.

Every word and every move would therefore be weighed in the balance.

But suddenly he put away his short sword.

"This time I believe you. But I will watch you. If I see anything conspicuous, I will kill you all and take your money that you are hiding from me."

He left the hut and ran away.

A moment later, all three breathed a sigh of relief. Nebb ran into Zelda's open arms and hugged her tightly. Zelda had gone down on her knees and was relieved that little innocent Nebb did not have to experience any horror.

"We should send the money back to the prince, it's too dangerous to keep it here,” she said to break the tension.

"Absolutely not! We'd be bankrupt without the money and it will starve us for the winter! I'd rather die a quick death than starve to death in freezing cold!" although the old geezer was being stubborn again, Zelda had to agree with him. It was risky, but it was better than starving. She looked at Nebb and immediately regretted her words.

‘His family would starve too,’ she thought gloomily. She kissed his forehead and let him go.

There was another way. And Link was the solution.

"Master, please excuse me for today, I have to go and look after my father," she lied.

"Yes, yes. But in the morning you're going to stand here with full attention again and work the hell out of you."

She nodded and took Nebb's tiny hand. She put the elixir back and walked towards the Royal Castle with the boy by the hand.

 

Link looked out his window and saw all the lanterns flooding the marketplace with light, music reaching his ears and drawing him magically. The winter solstice had arrived once again, which could only explain one thing about the commotion: The Festival of Lights was being celebrated. For as long as Link could remember, he loved this festival, as it was the best way to mingle with all the peoples of Hyrule and to escape, at least for one evening, from the hard training of princes.

He wondered what he should wear, whether he should stay undercover or reveal himself. He sighed, realising that every single person knew his face anyway. So he decided to put on his white shirt, but the fabric on his arms and chest made them tense, he was gaining muscle from the harder training and excessive food intake. He cursed softly to himself and buttoned the buttons along his muscular torso with difficulty.  He pulled on the sapphire blue Prince's tunic, accentuated by golden ornaments at the hem and sleeves. He then pulled on the black and brown leather chest protector with the royal family crest and tied his leather bracers to his forearms. When he was finished with his dark Hylian trousers and leather boots, he tied on his leather belt, which had the seal of the Triforce stamped on it. Link finally threw his cloak around his shoulders and fastened his sword to his belt and strutted out of the palace towards the marketplace with his shoulders erect.

"Oh, beloved big brother Link! Wait for me, I'm coming with you!" a melodic voice shouted behind him as he already caught the dusty smell of earth mixed with wood and snow of the marketplace. Clacking heels ran towards him; he knew the footsteps all too well. He turned and as he spread his arms wide, a petite person jumped into his arms. Link gently set her on her feet and looked at his younger sister. She had her dark blonde long hair braided all the way through and decorated with flowers, and had had a lovely dress in muted colours tailored for the occasion. She looked like a flower child, blessed by the goddess Hylia herself.

"Lagertha my dear little sister. It is good to see you well again.  You look wonderful and adorable in your outfit." She smiled sheepishly as Link held out his arm to her and escorted her to the fairground.

"Big brother Link, do you know where our brothers Ragnar, James and Ecberht are? I haven't seen them in a long time, since I was sent to boarding school for girls.  You have always been the only one to send me letters and gifts." Although it distressed her, Lagertha had learned not to let anyone know outwardly, but her brother Link, was the only person she could be who she was with.

"Our brothers have never been good with words, especially when it comes to their feelings. Please, bear with them, they still love you with all their hearts and would have any bastard executed on the spot if they so much as touched a hair on your head."

He always knew how she felt and was grateful and relieved that he could understand her without saying much.

"Thank you very much, dear brother. But let us rather celebrate the winter solstice and think of happier things. I'm sure our brothers will be there too." She trilled happily and grinned broadly at him.

He looked down at her and laughed heartily at the underlying irony in her voice. Yes, there was some truth to it, for Ragnar, James and Ecberht were indeed never far away when there was something to celebrate.

Soon the two siblings had reached the marketplace and were watching the colourful swirl of lights, dances and different clans. Happy laughter accompanied the sound of the Goron clan's taiko drums, the Rito's accordion and sweet singing, the Sheikah's shakuhachi flute and the Gerudo's oriental-sounding instruments. Various smells from the stalls rose to their noses and stimulated their curiosity and appetite. Although it was freezing cold, this place seemed like a warming oasis and warmed the hearts of the people. Sporadically, Hylian knights danced with women from different clans, twirling them as their clothes were stirred up by the gyrations.

Link looked at his little sister, who was beaming with joy. At moments like these, he wished his sister could enjoy a simple life, away from the castle.

But then the booming sound of trumpets interrupted him and everything went quiet. The guards had just announced the arrival of the royal family.

All eyes were now on them.

Link felt a strong hand on his left shoulder and looked up.

End of part one

Notes: based on the Zelink reversed roles AU Art of @/TheNebulace on Twitter I had the inspiration to write this multiple chapter Story of Zelda being a healer and Link being a Heir to the Throne.

Many characters name's are based on real npc from botw or are legendary/historically personalities.

Selim:historical chronicles says he was a ruthless and mighty emperor of the ottoman empire who protected the sacred religious grounds until his last breath. Lived in the 15th century

Ragnar: legendary Viking king and (is here) based on his Viking Series character

Lagertha: legendary queen, wife of Ragnar and warrior (here based on the Viking Series character with no relationship to her half brother Ragnar)

Queen Bonduca: [aka Boudicca] historically British Queen and Commander of a Legion 61 AC (here the mother of Ragnar)

Queen Seaxbourgh: historical mother of the historical Ecberht

Ecberht: King of the Wessex in 8th century, fought against the invasion of the Vikings, also here based in the Viking Series character

Queen Elizabeth: historically daughter of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, Tudor-Family. Lived in the 16th century.

James: historical successor of Queen Elizabeth Tudor, has here red hair to honour the red haired Queen Elizabeth Tudor

Nebb & Celessia: NPC from Botw

Part two:

https://freshbreezesworld.tumblr.com/post/639445306711375872/until-my-last-breath

[nicolasninenien]

Singaporean Paradigm

Statistically, Singapore’s education system has produced outputs of stellar academic results over the last few years, beating many illustrious international academic institutions. I must admit, the system is indeed an excellent one in providing a world-class education.

However, although it’s ranking in the international field is remarkably astounding, it comes with a heavy price upon those giving the end product. Not too long ago, I read an article about an 11 year old boy who committed suicide because he did not meet his parents’ academic expectation. This is indeed a tragic story; that young boy had a promising future ahead of him but it was taken away simply because of an ingrained culture that sweeps every Asian sub-conscience. Elitism 101.

The stress on excellent academic performance is crucial in Singapore. As such, this attitude spawned many ‘Tiger mums’ and ‘Lombardi dads’ to go crazy on their kids at a very young age, enrolling them to specialised tuition centres, music and art classes. In result, this emboldens the child’s capabilities and skill sets, enabling them to perform extremely well in schools. However, we must not neglect the silent few, the ones who can’t cope with such a system. Well, I was one of them.

I was a late bloomer. I was fascinated with cartoons and was rather mischievous in tuition classes (surprisingly, I was well-behaved in school though I do get punished in school at times). I was not interested in the Maths and sciences, I had no intention of even doing the assignments and homework given to me. I was a kid, I wanted to have fun playing with my friends. However, my parents reception to my behaviour was not well received. They placed me in many numerous classes, during the weekdays and the weekends. The tutors did their best but their efforts were futile, I still failed most of my subjects. As such, it really hit me and I thought that maybe I was dumb. I actually believed that I was stupid, incapable of thinking and logical rationalisation. In turn, my esteem was shattered pretty hard. When I was 12, I received my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results of 163. I still remembered the look on my mother’s face, a face I could not bear to see. A face that projected sheer disappointment and anguish.

The look on her face stirred my emotions quickly, without hesitation. I thought my life was over. “This was it, I’m such a loser”. Those kinds of sentiments rushed through my head, inside the wandering mind of a 12 year old kid. I felt lost and hopeless. However, that did not deter me. I gazed upon my mother’s face with a rousing determination: I made a bet with her. “I will enter the Express Stream”. She nodded without much enthusiasm.

As such, I entered secondary school with a drive to excel. I wasted no time with work. I wanted to be the best in all aspects, no matter what. Finally, at secondary 2, I was no longer in the Normal Academic Stream (NA). I was promoted to the Express Stream. It was glorious, a gamble I made that came true. I still remember the moment of elation when I received the news in the classroom. My efforts were not in vain.

Upper secondary came along, it was smooth sailing from the start. It seemed as though everything was in my favour, no obstacles, no barriers. As such, I was doomed from the start. My egoism mounted and my cynicism grew, I thought I could beat anyone in my class (or even the whole Express cohort). I wanted to prove what I was capable of, a former Normal Academic student. I wanted to beat them all. However, things came spiralling down. I was caught up with duties and responsibilities with my Co-Curricular Activities (CCA) in the Prefectorial Board and the National Cadet Corp (Land). I fought with my dear tuition teacher (Ms Yen) as I always made excuses for not accomplishing work given to me. I always feel guilty about that. Then one day, our amazing chemistry from lower secondary fell apart. I did not see her anymore. That’s where I made one of the greatest blunders in my whole academic life, I chose to join a class recommended by a friend of mine. That tutor, his name was Alvin Tan.

I came for his classes. He was so full of himself who talked about his academic achievements in the past, a braggart who manipulated feelings of his students to make them feel weak and useless, even to the extent of breaking friendships that altered and brewed tensions between former allies by creating unnecessary rivalry. I trusted him. He broke me to my very core. He told me I wasn’t suited for the A-level course. He was so wrong.

In the end, I got a raw score of 17 L1R5 for the GCE O-Levels and headed my way to Innova Junior College up north in Woodlands. I came with an idea of recreating myself, to forget the horrid past of Post O-Levels by establishing a wild and passionate persona. It did not go well. Well, things were easy at first. Then came along the real deal, the dreadful lectures and tutorials. Interestingly, as the months go by, my interests in the respective subjects that I was studying was reinforced while simultaneously dreading the work to be done. It was not a pleasant ride. I had a huge circle of friends at first which slowly deteriorated as the months go by. I fought with certain friends in the Student Council (not gonna state their names) and felt extremely vulnerable.

As such, the environment then felt very hostile as I felt alienated and isolated. I felt lonely, physically and emotionally. I was torn apart. Friends come and go, small talks here and there. Cliques everywhere. I felt as though I didn’t belong. What if Alvin Tan was right all along? Am I really not capable of conquering A-levels? Everything seemed so bleak, I did not have the answers. I mixed myself with a girl I thought I was in love with (dumped her in the end though, we were nothing much). It was all too much.

Until one special afternoon, a question that will forever change the course of my JC experience: “Nic, wanna go Wild Wild Wet with us?”. Everything blossomed, I got close with Asaad, Haziq and Ashleey (which at first seemed to unlikely) and they treated me like family. We laughed, we ate together, we played together, we studied together. Everything was doing just fine (well, not in the academic sense).

It was a long and winding road towards the A-levels, we (mostly Asaad and I) clocked in day in and day out in the library. Studying and mugging every concepts, notes, facts and abstract ideas for our essays. We were all sick and tired of failing (I received a rank point of 17 for Prelims) and we felt miserable. However, the company was great. Just the guys studying (sometimes productively) in the library towards one specific goal, conquering A-levels. That’s where we grew closer and stronger as we headed towards the final countdown.

This is where the story of my formal education ends. Well, you may ask how did I fair for the A-levels. I must say, not too good. I got a 60 Rank Point which was pretty average (though I couldn’t get into a local university). Believe me, A-levels was not easy. It was a suicidal course. However, I did took up the challenge where some may say I couldn’t do it (even Ms Yen doubted me). People may say that getting a 60 for 2 years of studying ain’t worthwhile. Well, I disagree. I’ve learnt so many things beyond the classroom. The notion of accountability and responsibility, the power of resilience and attitude, the will to smile through the times of hardships. I learnt that on my own. No teacher taught me that. Life was my teacher. It gave me a hard lesson these past few years in the Singaporean System.

I am eternally grateful to my teachers, those that were kind and patient, those that were brutally straight forward and honest, those that even question my very sanity. I thank them sincerely. Without them, I wouldn’t be typing this out. Throughout my academic life as a student in Singapore, I must say…

I was the victor and the victim. I had my moments of achievements and numerous failures. In these failures, I learnt the importance of humility because I know what it feels like being a complete loser. It sucks tremendously. It breaks your mind and soul, it leaves you in the dark begging for an answer to your perceived predicament. However, life itself is a dimension filled with endless possibilities. As long as you and I are still breathing, we can make the best out of our lives. As a kid, I thought failure was the end of the world. Everything felt like it was collapsing. Failure is an inevitable condition in the human experience. One must embrace it, one must remain calm and composed in the face of great adversities for life is a great big bubble of ambiguity. Our choices does not necessarily define you, it is what you do even when life seemed to be dead wrong. Respond difficulties with kindness and compassion for it shall be returned to the giver. What goes around what comes around.

Throughout this journey, I’ve met a lot of intelligent people. Oh, remembered the aforementioned 'Elitism 101’ nonsense? Well, there are those who were intelligent and there were those who mixed intelligence with blatant arrogance and disconcerting vanity. These people are those who belittle others, who mistreat them saying that they aren’t in the same level as them, in terms of intellectual capacity. Not the same level? That’s true. You know why? Intelligence is not solely got to do with numbers, concepts and statistics. There are different types of intelligence these elitist high horses need to comprehend. Schools test nothing about intelligence. They do not teach. They forgot to teach and thus we forgot to learn. We were instead forced to memorised in order to get an A for a damn certificate. People, don’t mix yourselves to these narrow-minded freaks. Don’t you dare say you’re stupid or whatsoever. You deserve everything in the world and what it has to offer, no one can tell you different. No one. Not even your parents, your siblings, your teachers and your friends. Intelligence and sheer memorisation, two different entities. Totally different things. You’re neither dumb nor stupid. You’re different and be yourself. Be original. Be you.

So, there you have it people, this is the Singaporean Paradigm, a perspective from a student and his great academic adventure from primary school to junior college, a great emotional rollercoaster that was worthwhile riding. It’s time to move along, to a next chapter of my life.

Thank you for everything, MOE

Sincerely, The Traumatised Teen

[isppalumni]

INTERVIEW WITH MUGABI

INTRODUCTION

Mugabi Byenkya is an ISPP alumnus who studied at ISPP from 2001 until 2005, starting in Grade 4 and finishing in Grade 7. He completed his schooling at Rainbow International School in Kampala, Uganda and currently resides in Toronto, Canada.

“I loved my time at ISPP and will forever cherish the lifelong lessons I learnt on perseverance, resilience and the celebration of diversity”.

What did you do from when you left ISPP until now?

When I left ISPP my family went to Thailand for a few months, where my father passed away, so we moved back to Uganda. This was interesting because it was my first time living in Uganda. It’s home and where my parents are from, but I hadn’t lived there before. I had only ever visited during the summers. I was born in Nigeria and moved to a different country every 3 to 4 years after that. My family moved around so much due to my father’s work with the UNDP as the Deputy Resident Representative. He was an economist by trade, working on the Millennium Development Goals.

I stayed in Uganda for 5 years, graduated and moved to start my undergraduate degree at University of Kansas, majoring in Environmental Science and International Studies, and graduated in 2014.

After that, I went to the University of Michigan to do a Masters degree, but at the end of first semester, I unfortunately suffered from 2 strokes. I moved to Washington DC while my sister Tina took care of me while I recovered. I was largely bedridden, dependent on a cane to walk and in recovery for a year. It took a year, but in 2016 I got the necessary therapy. At the Mayo Clinic I learned how to walk independently again, learned how to eat, clean and became independently functional.

                        Mugabi’s siblings

After I was managing things better, I started several little part-time gigs and worked many different positions. One of these was teaching English to new immigrants to the United States, ranging in age from 16 – 65, in Washington. I also tutored elementary school children on reading and writing because a lot of kids were behind, so this involved catching them up to the level they should be at. I worked as a stylist of sorts at an NGO called ‘Suited for Change’ that offers professional clothes for low income women attending job interviews. The clothes came from donations. I worked with the women who were my clients and helped pick outfits that fit them well, looked good and that they liked. My colleagues and clients were great and we got on well. They really liked me as I was the only man working there!

I also interned with an editor of a poetry anthology. I was mostly helping her out with the legalities behind the anthologies, which involved getting permission from poets to use their work as well as maintaining contact and outreach with the poets and the publisher. I also helped with formatting and the actual editing of the anthology and writing the book.

Lastly, I started writing my debut novel! Since I was 4 years old, it was my dream to be an author. My family are very avid readers and I remember when I was younger I went up to my siblings and asked them to play with me, but they were busy reading. I was shocked because playing was the best thing ever, and playing with ME especially was the best thing ever! I was like what is this reading thing that is better than playing with me? So I asked my mom to teach me how to read. It took a couple months but I got the hang of it.

I was just mind blown because I was like this is amazing, there’s a whole world out there and nothing can get better than this. But then I discovered writing and it’s the only thing better than reading, in my opinion. Ever since then I’ve been writing stories and I always wanted to be a writer…but I was pushed out if it because it’s not the most lucrative career and pushed into sciences because I was good at it.

After my recent strokes, I was basically on my death bed and my family, friends, doctors and myself thought I was going to die, so I decided life was too short and I was going to pick up writing again and decided I would write a book. After I left DC, I moved to Toronto where my older brother Victor graciously provided me with a place to live and free food so I could finish off my book. I’m still interning for the poetry editor and I am also a careers consultant for the organisation where I used to teach English. I counsel clients on career choices, edit resumes and cover letters and help them find jobs. Most of the clients are older than me and come in with education and years of work experience, but the US doesn’t recognise it. So I tell them it’s okay to feel frustrated because they’re very experienced but struggle to get a job. Additionally, I also provide consulting for a start-up using my English and editing background. The start-up is an online English writing centre for students in non-English speaking countries. Interning and counselling are part time, so I spend most time focused on the book.

The publishing industry is very difficult to get into, so I published my book independently. This is more difficult because you’re the one in control to every step of the process from the cover, sales, promotion and everything else. I found a publisher called Discovering Diversity Publishing, who is willing to help me self publish and offered me a production and distribution deal. So the publisher handles all the production and some of the distribution of the book. I take care of the writing and the rest of the distribution and the promotion. My book is came out Sunday the 26th of February. I’d already sold over 100 copies before the release date and raised over $4000 to cover publication costs with my kick starter campaign. If people are interested in buying or finding out more, go to www.mugabi.net

               Dear Philomena, book cover

What is the best thing about life now?

I’d say the best thing about life now is family and friends! I have a lot of really good people in my life who have held space for me through thick and thin. The Kickstarter funding campaign is doing well and the book is out. I literally couldn’t have got here without their support.  

Did you ever envisage doing what you are doing while you were at ISPP?

Yes, because I’ve always wanted to write and I’m writing now. I remember in the 7th grade, in Mr Kerrigan’s English class, we were assigned to make a comic book and I was like, this is what I want to do with my life, it’s amazing!

Compared to your other classmates in university, what were you more or less prepared for?

I was more prepared for the amount of studying that I’d have to do. I was less prepared for speaking up in discussions for the sake of speaking up. I was very much raised to speak up when and if you have a point. I noticed I wouldn’t get as good a mark at university for not talking as much, but I would only talk if I had a point.

Has your international school experience shaped your worldview? If so, how?

Attending an international school definitely shaped my worldview. It’s allowed me to be more empathetic and contextual. I find it easier to build connections and make friendships with people of various different backgrounds.

What are your favourite memories of ISPP and Cambodia?

The spicy pepper eating challenge that a bunch of 7th grade boys had on a school trip; music classes with Mr. Edson where I fell in love with the blues; the water festival; hiking in Kirirom; family trips to Kompong Som where I got stung by a jellyfish for the first time ever; the barge trip down the Chao Praya river; buying sugarcane juice through the school gate; Lucky Burger; Beef Lok Lak; $1 Squid. Special shout-out to my best friends at the time: Stephen Bleakley, Sovisal Meach and Bairy Diakite!

                           Mugabi’s ISPP friends

Did you have a favourite subject/subjects? If so, what did you like about them?

My favourite subjects were English, Science and History. I loved the large-scale re-enactments of Great Zimbabwe in History, highlighting the ingenuity of my marginalised African people. I loved the dissections in science and seeing the inner workings of the heart. I loved the fact that Mr. Preece (English teacher) took students opinions as seriously as his own.

If you could send an appreciation message to someone from ISPP, who would it be and why?

I would send immense gratitude and thanks to Mr. Bailey for telling me:

“You don’t have much in the way of athleticism or talent, but you have perseverance. That is going to take you farther than the rest of these kids who don’t have half the uphill battle you face to just participate.”  

What advice would you give to our 11th and 12th grade students?

Vulnerability is strength.

In your opinion, what makes ISPP stand out?

The integration and respect of Cambodian traditions and culture into the classroom was unlike some of the other schools I went to where the expat ‘bubble’ was more opaque.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?

Hopefully having published two more books, having a masters degree, an enjoyable work/life balance, warm friendships with friends and family new and old and having visited Cambodia!

Are there any other updates that you would like to share with our community?

You can purchase my debut novel Dear Philomena via www.mugabi.net on either ebook or paperback. Dear Philomena, is the story of two strokes, one boy, one girl and a whole lot of magical realism. See synopsis below:

“July 1991, Leocardia Byenkya underwent an ultrasound that informed her to expect a baby girl. She chose the name Philomena. January 16 1992, her baby was born as a boy. Filled with shock and surprise, Leocardia named her baby boy Mugabi. December 2014, Mugabi suffered from two strokes within a week of each other. Mugabi was 22 years old.   'Dear Philomena,' is a series of thoughts and conversations between Mugabi and Philomena (the girl he was supposed to be) about the year he was supposed to die but somehow lived through. “

Please support this young author’s dreams by reviewing and recommending the book to your social networks as well!