#you cannot choose which version of me decides to exist because I have decided that current autistic me is going to exist | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starwarsmum · 1 year ago

Text

So after I couldn't find that fic, I decided I was gonna write my own version of it, because the idea was wonderful and I, apparently, actually cannot live without this fic existing.

Lost in Paris

Summary:

Damian has had enough of being treated like a child, or worse, as a bomb waiting to explode and kill those closest. After a conversation with Bruce about doing some vigilante work solo goes south, he comes to the conclusion that he is better off leaving home.

Little do his family know, he doesn't intend to return.

* * *

HEAVILY inspired by a fic that was deleted recently. Obviously it has my own take and writing, but I can't add the fic as an inspiration as it's not here anymore. Rated teen for language

Notes:

Heyo, so after I wrote the one shot, I became consumed with writing my own take on the fic that got away. So here's the first chapter of that.

All six have been written, but I need to take some time to read it through, make any edits, and make sure it makes sense! There is limited French throughout the fic, I'll be providing translations in the end notes.

Hope you all enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Jason

“…as though you can stop me, Father.”

Red Hood paused as Demon Spawn’s clipped voice echoed from further in the batcave. The loudest silence Red Hood had heard in quite a while followed it and he slowed down to eavesdrop.

“Tt, when will you admit that it is time I set out alone, to attempt my own vigilantism? I am a child no longer and refuse to be treated as such.” Robin sounded haughty and angry, a not unusual combination.

“I didn't say you couldn't become your own vigilante, Robin. I merely said that you would need a new mantle. Robin is Batman's sidekick, he does not stand alone. If you are ready to pass it down, I’m sure someone else will take it up. Someone always does.”

Red Hood winced at Bruce's words. Sure, all of them had held the title of Robin at one point or other, but the Fourth Robin was the most adamant that it was rightfully his, as the only blood son of Batman. And that was saying something, given Red Hood's little nickname for Red Robin and the hatred he had harbored after he found out he had been replaced. He held still as Robin drew back his hood and removed the mask.

“Father, I am Robin, it is my identity and I do not have to discard it if I do not wish to - which I do not. But if you will not give me the freedom to work without you, then I will not stay. I understand that you did not choose me, that I was thrust upon you by Mother but I have been here for 8 years now. Why do you not trust me to wear the mantle with honour?”

“You know why, Robin,” Batman growled, and there was warning in his voice. Damian clearly heard it too as his shoulders began to tense, though he said nothing. After a moment's pause, Batman continued. “You are still too angry, and you need supervision to ensure you keep to our ideals.”

“Your ideals, Father,” Damian said, his voice soft. He sounded more weary than angry and he waved Batman off as the cowled man loosed a growl. “It is of little importance. We are clearly at an impasse and nothing shall be gained by having this argument with you again. I shall be gone by morning.”

The sharp clicks of Damian's shoes were the only sound in the batcave and Red Hood counted his blessings that he hadn't been part of that conversation. Sure, Demon Spawn wound him up, but he wouldn't have thought he'd regress to his League days. Hell, some days Hood thought that he was more likely to snap than the youngest in their crew.

He slid casually into the main cave at that point, not even pretending not to have overheard the entire thing. It seemed that Batman wasn't in the mood to chat so he made himself scarce, going up to see Alfred and maybe he could scrounge some food from the kitchen. He didn't realise that this was a point in time that he would wish he could turn back to, many times over the coming years.

_ _ _

3 weeks later, and the cave was a riot of noise, voices echoing harshly. Jason hadn't suited up yet, but that didn't stop him from dropping casually into one of the chairs around their planning table so he could work out what the problem was. When the noise just continued, even increasing if that were possible, Jason let loose a shrill whistle to get everyone's attention.

“Thank you, god you lot are ridiculously loud tonight. We having trouble deciding who we're supposed to take down? Oh, hey Dick, undercover mission over with already?” He nodded at his older brother but he only got a curt ‘hi’ back. That made him sit up straighter; Dick was sunshine incarnate, but when he got angry, he got angry. God help the soul he aimed his rage towards. “Oh, shit, do we have, like, an actual problem? Did a rogue escape or something?”

“No, Jay, we're missing a team member,” Tim said sharply from the batcomputer. Jason did a quick look around but there were several of the family absent so he turned around, concerned. Tim sighed, “Robin, Robin is missing, Jason. He's been gone for several weeks and we can't find him anywhere.”

“Wait, weeks?” Jason sat up straighter, glancing towards Bruce - a look that was caught by Dick and immediately acted upon.

“What did you do, Bruce? Wait, forget that, what did Bruce do, Jay-bird?” As Jason recounted what he'd heard, Dick grew angrier and angrier, until he was agitatedly bouncing on his toes and glaring at Bruce. “So your son tells you he's gonna leave and you, what, just pretend it's not happening? For 3 weeks?!”

“Damian can take care of himself, Dick. If it wasn't true, he wouldn't have taken himself out of the role. He said he wanted to spread his wings, which of you hasn't wanted that?”

“You accused him of being one bad day away from murdering his enemies!” Dick shouted, exasperated. “And when has any of us completely cut off the whole family? Even Alfred hasn't heard from him. Has Jon? And where are Titus, and Alfred the cat? If he was coming back, he wouldn't have disrupted them!”

“You are reading too much into this and it is a waste of time. He will come home when he realises he was wrong and that's the end of it. Can we now focus on patrol?” There were noises of dissent and Tim continued to type furiously but they began gearing up. Dick shot another glare at the Bat and declared that this would be his last patrol with them if Damian didn't get in touch before the next one.

_ _ _

Jason was sitting in Dick’s apartment, watching with concern as the man paced relentlessly. It had been a month since his last family patrol and he was no closer to finding out where Damian had gone. He had League training so when he wanted to vanish, he could make a damn good go of it. Unfortunately, that left them with nothing but dead ends.

“What did Jon say?” Dick growled into his phone, muttering what Jason was pretty sure were curses in Romani. “Well, where does he think he went? I don't know, Tim, that's why I've been coming to the computer geniuses! Babs says she hasn't had any luck with known aliases and I know you haven't either. I'm at a loss, Jay hasn't had any success with his contacts and he hasn't reached out to me.”

Jason listened in silence and Dick devolved into a rant about how Bruce didn't value Damian enough and treated them all relatively poorly. He heard a short reply from the Replacement and could almost imagine the little twerp with a hand wrapped around a jumbo mug of coffee as he hunched over the keyboards. He thought back to how tired Damian had sounded during the argument with Bruce and frowned. Surely Damian would pop up again one day soon, there wasn't far an 18 year old with none of the family money could go.

Tim had hacked the bank records for Damian's private account and there had been a withdrawal for a decent sum on that first day, but nothing since. And the idea of Demon Spawn getting a job with none of the references from Gotham was laughable. But after the first month had passed with no contact, they had to admit that there was less and less chance of him coming home.

5 years later

Jason stood in the watchtower, staring at the screen in front of him. He had been doing his usual rounds, checking for chatter in some of the less underground communities to see if any of Damian's aliases had surfaced. When that had hit its usual dead ends, he decided to review Robin's original profile, to see if there was something they had missed in their initial sweep for potential allies and safe zones.

Jason had never been particularly adept at navigating the system for files and didn't want to pull up the wrong Robin file so he typed in ‘Damian Wayne' and saw the file. But, curiously, there had been another, newer reference to the name. Had one of the other heroes done a search on him recently?

He clicked the link and was flooded with a metric shit-ton of information spanning the past 5 years. There were credit searches, a courthouse request, hospital records, all in French and linked to a couple of addresses in Paris. He hesitated another minute before deciding to download the information onto an external drive and then scrubbing evidence of his search. Whilst he wasn't Babs or Tim competent, anyone doing a cursory look would see nothing amiss. And there were very few people searching for Damian these days.

It was a few hours later that he made it back to his favourite safe house to finally review the information he had garnered. He was nervous as he connected the drive to a device, wondering if he finally had a lead that would give them back their brother. He scanned the most recent entry and saw an address linked to a recent credit card application. His brow furrowed but the ID used certainly looked like an older Damian.

He jumped up, too jittery to read through the entire pack of information. He'd always been more of a ‘do now, think later’ kind of guy. He could catch a Zeta tube back up to the watchtower and then get into Paris immediately. He checked the route from the Paris tube to the address before grabbing his civilian leather jacket and a domino mask.

The time difference between New Jersey and Paris was distinct. What had been a brisk but clear December afternoon there was a wet and dreary evening here. The drizzle had started not long after he had arrived and looked to worsen in the near future. He was watching the tall apartment building, hoping to spot his brother before he made an approach but with no success.

After twenty minutes, the heavens opened, forcing his hand. He could either stay where he was, getting more and more drenched, and risk getting sick, or bite the bullet and knock on the door. With a steadying breath, he slouched across the street and raised his fist to the door.

“Attendez, s’il vous plait,” came a feminine voice, and Jason panicked. That definitely wasn't his brother’s voice, had he made a mistake? Perhaps someone else had the unfortunate luck of having his brother's name, his age. He hesitated a fraction longer and the door cracked open, a shorter French woman looking up at him quizzically. “Oui?”

“Uh, pardonnez-moi, I, uh, shit,” he fumbled for the words not knowing how to phrase it. Her brow furrowed further and he felt the panic mounting. “Is, uh, is Damian here? Damian Wayne?”

“Un moment, monsieur,” she said, eyes narrowing slightly as she took in his features. The door snapped shut and he heard a muffled conversation, the light voice of the woman and a deep masculine voice that made Jason tense up in anticipation. The adrenaline thrummed in his veins as the door opened again and the small woman reappeared.

“Please, monsieur, come in,” she said politely, opening the door wide. Jason heard another door in the apartment close softly. The room was spacious and sparsely decorated, a three seater and two seater sofa selection which she gestured towards him to sit down on. “You speak English, non? I speak it too, so we can converse in that, if it is easier for you.”

“Uh, yeah, thanks, mademoiselle.” Jason’s eyes darted around nervously, taking in as much as he could. “Listen, I'm sorry for just showing up here, I just- I've been looking for my brother for years and I found something that said he was living here and I-”

“Monsieur, please, moins vite, slower, I cannot comprend- understand if you speak that fast,” she said, in a soothing manner. She had leaned towards him, frowning but not so much that he worried about being thrown out. He took a deep breath and gave her a shaky smile in apology. “Merci, now, you said the word ‘brother’, that means frere, non? Why are you looking for him now?” After all this time was implied, but not said outright so he wasn't sure if that was what she meant.

“Sorry, my brother, Damian, left home several years ago, he got in a fight with our dad. We thought he was cooling off at first, maybe spending time with a friend,” Jason said, taking care not to speak too quickly. “He was 18, you know? He was allowed to have a little time to himself. We've all chafed against the old man at one point or another- I mean,” he corrected, seeing her confusion, “we've all fought with Bruce at different times. We thought he was gonna cool off and come home, but he never did. And we couldn't find him, we tried, we were so sure we would manage but then days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into yea-”

“I understand,” she cut in softly, placing a hand on the back of his. He took a shuddering breath and realised he was close to tears, rambling in his nerves. She was about to say something else when a door opened and a tall, familiar man stepped into view. He had filled out some, his limbs no longer holding the gangliness of youth but firm and solid. His hair was still jet black and ruffled looking and his eyes the same piercing green.

“Damian,” Jason choked out, shooting up and launching towards the man. He looked even more uncannily like Bruce, the same jawline, similar builds, but he had a softer edge. He caught hold of Jason, gripping the back of his jacket tightly as the larger man shook slightly. “God, I can't believe it's really you.”

“It is me, Todd,” Damian replied, releasing himself from the embrace. They looked each other in the eye, Jason's still with that edge of pit madness but Damian - Damian looked at peace. “I must admit, I did not anticipate you visiting so suddenly,” he added drily.

Jason let out a short bark, shrugging even though all he felt was overwhelmed. “None of us expected you to keep using your actual name, Demon Spawn. God, we searched so hard, Dick was furious with B. I don't think he's spoken to him properly in years.”

Damian frowned but then the woman stood up and spoke softly in French to him. He rumbled something back and she nodded, patting Jason's arm as she passed him to go to another room. Damian indicated the sofas again and they sat down, a tense silence settling in the room. Having another person in the room had helped to ease some of the tension - Jason and Damian had never been close. But they were still brothers and Jason had been so angry with Bruce when he realised that Damian was gone.

The sound of a kettle filled the silence and the woman poked her head back around the door. She smiled at them both, a sunny, bright expression. “Pardon, would you like un thé ou un café, Jason? Or jus? We have orange or apple.”

“Uh, coffee's fine,” Jason muttered, trying to let the tension in his shoulders dissipate. He turned back to Damian after she bobbed her head once and vanished back through the door. “She, uh, she seems nice.”

“Marinette is a great many things,” Damian said, clearly amused. “Nice is the least of them, but I appreciate you saying so. We have been through much together, and she is very strong.”

“So are you…” Jason trailed off, not sure how to say it without offending someone. He waved his hands helplessly, hoping it conveyed his sentiment and Damian snorted. He was saved from answering by Marinette coming back into the room with a tea tray.

“I have sugar, lait, some macarons and cheese with crackers,” Marinette said lightly, placing the tray onto the coffee table and perching next to Damian. He reached a hand for her knee and she placed hers on top of his. Jason spied matching rings on their fingers and his eyes widened. Marinette noticed the direction of his look and gave another laugh, squeezing Damian's hand lovingly. “Oui, Damian and I are married. We have been for nearly two years.”

“Congratulations. I gotta admit, I didn't think you were ever going to settle down Demo- Damian,” he corrected, seeing Marinette's eyebrow rise. Damian nodded, glancing at his wife with a slightly chagrined look on his face.

“To be honest, the Demon Spawn you knew would never have deserved to marry Marinette,” he admitted, waving away her sudden frown. “Ma cherie, you know I speak the truth. I was a mess of a man when we met, I lashed out at everything and everyone.”

“Mon coeur, you were nothing of the sort,” Marinette reprimanded firmly. It sounded as though this was a well worn argument and Jason was almost envious of the evident love he could hear in her voice. Not that he thought Damian didn't deserve it, but he had often yearned for the kind of love that was pouring out of this petite French pixie. “Heureusement, you did not lash out at me too harshly, and accepted that you could not do this all alone.”

Jason was shocked - Damian had settled down. The pair had clearly grown together, matching each other in their differences. And Damian had changed, even more than he had begun to during his time in Wayne manor. He seemed more sure of himself, confident in an easy way. Jason cleared his throat again, drawing their attention back to him. “So, uh, if you got married, how…how much have you talked about your past, D?”

“Ah, I wondered if you would be concerned about that, Monsieur Hood,” Marinette said, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. She waved her hand as he tensed again. “Damian and I have no secrets. It is difficult, making a life together, without sharing such things. I understand the importance of keeping these things to myself. We are, comment dire, birds of a feather?”

Jason raised an eyebrow himself now but they were interrupted by a soft cry, coming from an adjacent room. He tensed but Marinette sighed and made to get up, before Damian shooed her into her seat, standing himself. He came back moments later, carrying what looked like a bundle of blankets that he cooed to in a mix of French and Arabic. Jason went rigid with disbelief as Damian settled himself back into his seat. A shock of dark hair peeked out of the blankets and Jason sucked in a sharp breath.

“Her name is Penélope Robyn Dupain-Cheng. Penny for short,” Marinette said, her voice soft and full of love. Jason's head whipped towards her and Damian chuckled.

“It seemed fitting, I had no need for the mantle and it connects me to my past without shackling me. Marinette understood better than I did that I did not want to lose who I had been.” Jason was stunned. Damian was speaking so nonchalantly about a moniker that he had almost killed for - what he had considered a birthright. His voice softened as he looked back up at his brother. “I am truly at peace, Todd. I let go of my anger before I married as it would have been unfair to Marinette if I had allowed it to continue consuming me.”

“How-how old is she?” Jason croaked, transfixed with his niece - his second, after Kor’i had given birth. He couldn't remember how old Mar’i had been when she was this size and the Tamaranean in her could have changed things.

“8 months,” Damian said softly, turning his gaze back to his daughter. “I would do anything for her, Todd. She will want for nothing as long as I can control it. She is loved, in ways I didn't know were possible.”

A silence stretched between the three adults and Jason took a sip from his now tepid coffee. His mind was reeling; he felt as though everything he had ever known about Damian was wrong and now he was meeting what was essentially a stranger. Penny had clearly drifted back to sleep and Damian stood to take her back to her room. Marinette cleared her throat as he left, making Jason shoot her a questioning look.

“I must ask you, are you here as a lookout? When should I expect your father,” she clipped the word out, thinly veiled rage coating it, “to descend upon my home? I must warn you, I will not allow him to harm Damian again.”

“They aren't,” he answered flatly. She looked at him again, surprised. “I told no-one of my suspicions, I came alone. Like I said, we've all fallen out with Bruce at one point or another and when Damian left…well, let's just say the team isn't running quite so smoothly any more.”

“I thought you were all ‘the world's greatest detectives’,” she replied sardonically, dropping her voice as she heard Damian returning. “If you are lying to me, I will not be contente, comprennez?”

“My love, please tell me you are not threatening our guest?” Damian rumbled, laughter barely concealed in his voice. “I apologise, Todd, she is protective of those in her care, a trait from her younger years.”

“Je suis toujours jeune, Damian,” Marinette said, a light growl lacing her words. He nodded sagely and Jason snorted. It was just so…domestic. If someone had told him 5 years ago that Damian, the little brother who threatened anyone who breathed near him, would be married, with a kid, he would have had them committed to Arkham. And yet…

“They all miss you, lil D,” Jason said softly, imitating Dick for a moment. “Tim was frantic when he couldn't trace where you went, he still gets upset when he thinks about how he failed you. And Dick - I mean, he loves you, you know that. If he could have ripped B to pieces without ruining Gotham, he would have. He has a kid himself you know,” he added, setting his cup down.

“But I didn't come here to ask you to come back. I can see you have a life here Dames, a good life. Christ, I didn't think it was possible for anyone to give up our particular lifestyle and settle down but you clearly did and it's obviously been the best thing to happen to you. I'm proud of you, for whatever that's worth. I just…I would like to be part of your life again, I want to get to know the you now. Don't get me wrong, you were a little beast before you left, but you're still family. And I don't have a whole lot of that left.”

“Well, it's not like we can just leave,” Marinette said, with humour. “Merde, maman et papa, they would kill me if I just disappeared with their only grandbaby.”

“And- am I welcome back?”

“D’accord, but I will ask that you only share the information with your father if he specifically asks about Damian. It is a talk we had as soon as we were expecting Penélope, he is not welcome to my family without begging Damian for forgiveness.” The steely note in Marinette's voice brooked no argument, and Jason had none to voice. Bruce was the reason Damian had left all those years ago and he was the one who asked least often about any updates.

“What about Dick? You know he would love to see you, if he hadn't been undercover when you left, he would have at least known where you went.” Damian nodded slowly at this, making Jason grin with relief. “Awesome. Wow, okay, that's great. Thank you, Marinette. I'll take down a number and we can coordinate a visit sometime? I doubt you want to come to Gotham,” Damian's eyes narrowed and he shook his head tightly,” so I'll have to get Dick here himself.”

As he stood to leave, Marinette and Damian also stood, the slight woman stepping forward first and pulling him down for une bise, kissing his cheek with warmth and familiarity. She stepped back and carried the tea tray through to the kitchen, giving the brothers some space. Damian clapped a hand onto Jason's shoulder and received a light punch in return. They exchanged numbers before Jason promised he would text as soon as he was home again, and then when he had spoken to Dick about coming back to visit.

As Jason stepped into the Paris zeta tube, he glanced back over his shoulder and smiled. Trust Damian to move to the city of love and figure all his shit out.

Notes:

So let me know what you think! I'm going to try and update once a week-ish, but may post chapters sooner if I'm ready.

French used:

Attendez, s'il vous plaît = wait please

Pardonnez-moi = pardon me

Un moment = one moment

Monsieur = sir

Mademoiselle = miss

Moins vite = slower/less fast

Contente = happy

Comprennez = understand

Je suis toujours jeune = I am still young

Merci = thank you

Un thé ou un café = a tea or coffee

Jus = juice

Lait = milk

Mon chéri/ma chérie = my darling

Mon coeur = my heart

Heureusement = fortunately

Comment dire = how to say

Merde = shit

Maman et papa = mum and dad

D'accord = alright

Une bise = Literally, a kiss, usually how they refer to the kiss on the cheek they give to say hello/goodbye

Most of the French throughout this fic is what I've learned through Duo, so if I offend some native speakers, I'm really very sorry! I have double checked it in Google for the most part, but I'm not sure that's better.

Chapter 2

#ao3 #ao3 fanfic #fanfic #daminette fanfic #damian x marinette #damianette #my writing #inspired by another fic #no possession this time!#6 chapters #1st chapter #no beta read #daminette

46 notes · View notes

another-lost-mc · 1 year ago

Note

I hate how Mephistopheles has no lore. I'm making an OC that out ranks him and the fucker has no established rank??? Sir your whole goddamn thing is "I'm a noble, goddamn it" and like no rank? No bitches? No nobility??

So I'm picking one (Grand Dutches, technically?) and going with the punches, but how do you fix Solomare's near non-existent lore so well?? This shit is hard! Mad props!

I'm grateful that we got more Mephisto lore in Nightbringer, but like many characters, new info or interactions are few and far between except when it's needed as a plot device. lol

Even though Mephisto isn't a member of the Ars Goetia, he's a Faustian demon or what I call a "named" demon which has important relevance in my personal world building. Other than that, we know that his family has deep roots to the Devildom nobility, are highly influential, and that he was basically raised to be Diavolo's friend. We know his special power now thanks to Nightbringer, but my version of it is a bit sinister because, you know, demons.

Unless you're new around here, my solution to gaps in the game's lore or storytelling is solved by personal headcanons/world building and creating OCs. I knew I wanted to write more about Mephisto, and that meant exploring his relationships and history outside of what the game told us.

Before NB existed, I was already developing his little brother OC because using characters/info only found in the games limits the potential for complexity and drama. Plus, writing an OC for Mephisto's brother helped me develop my own interpretation of Mephisto's character too.

When the game only leaves us crumbs to work with, here's what my brainstorming looks like to try and explore possible ways to fill in the gaps:

Creating an OC for Mephisto's younger brother: Mephisto is a named demon and part of the demon nobility. My thought: his brother is probably a named demon of some importance too.

Naming Mephisto's little brother: After doing some reading, I learned Mephisto wasn't part of the Ars Goetia, but that didn't mean his brother couldn't be. Result: I just picked a name off the list that I liked. LOL

Note: I have friends that have OCs based off other Ars Goetia demons so I purposefully avoided choosing those names because I write about my version the Devildom assuming those OCs exist within it.

Developing Bathin as an OC: Okay, we have a name. Cool, that's usually the hard part. Now we have to build him up from nearly nothing! What I knew about his character before NB released: he was significantly younger than Mephisto (I imagined the same or slightly younger than Luke with a similar childlike appearance) and that Mephisto was a very attentive and doting older sibling. Based on the RAD Sports event in OG, I concluded if he was that protective of Luke, he would be even more protective of his younger brother as well. I also interpreted the events and assigned Mephisto his demonic trait (having a tail of some kind instead of wings). In my mind, demonic traits are something that might be part of the family's heritage, so I decided that Bathin would look similar to Mephisto in his human form and also his demon form.

Identifying gaps/issues with Bathin's character: The main concern I had to address for Bathin was his existence as a demon of the Ars Goetia. Solomon has pacts with all of them, and this implies that he would also have a pact with Bathin - a literal demon child. Oops!

Questions I needed to answer:

Why would Solomon want a pact with a child and how did this happen?

Are there any limitations/restrictions if a pact is made with a demon child that isn't mature/"of age"?

Should I change his name to something else to avoid this issue? Nah.

Solving Bathin's existence as a child in the Ars Goetia: I basically wrote a world building theory about demon death/exorcism and respawn cycles to explain which demons can respawn and which ones cannot. Naming conventions and the impact on existing pacts are part of this theory.

Conclusion using fill-in-the-gaps world building:

A form of the death & rebirth cycle exists for demons.

Using theory, Bathin can exist as a member of the Ars Goetia because he was killed/exorcised as a mature demon. His essence/power exists within the version of him that was reborn later.

Implications and things to continue developing:

Bathin made his pact with Solomon as a mature demon and the pact persisted through death, although as a child the pact is weak and practically unusable.

Demons who respawn usually have no memories of their previous existence, but Mephisto would remember him from before. That can explain why he might be close and very protective of his younger brother. Solomon would also have memories of past!Bathin as well and that could have some interesting effects on how Solomon interacts with Mephisto as well.

Demons that are exorcised and respawned might carry some lingering physical evidence of their death - for example, the power of an angel's grace maiming some part of their body. This helped me visualize Bathin's physical appearance and explain any potential scars or flaws he was born with.

Child!Bathin won't be a copy of his former self, so there is potential for drama/angst as those that knew him best before re-learn the "new" him.

The possibility to explore Mephisto as a child and how his friendship with Diavolo was fostered/pressured by those around him (and Bathin's feelings/attitudes about Mephisto's potential (mis)treatment).

Explaining past!Bathin's untimely demise in the first place and the characters/circumstances involved.

If you ever wondered how I take a random throwaway reference in the game and expand on it to create an OC, here's what the process looked like when I was developing Mephisto's brother. He's very precious and though I doubt we'll see much more of him in the game other than some vague references, I enjoy writing about Mephisto enough that dedicating an OC to his little brother was worthwhile.

I'll end this with a treat for those of you that decided to read through all this rambling:

#if anyone wondered how I come up with ideas for ocs its your lucky day #this got a little long oops #jes.replies #jes.world building #my oc: bathin #the lil bit of art at the end is by vitaminnin on twt

47 notes · View notes

thursdayinspace · 1 year ago

Note

Tell me all your Requiem thoughts please

All of them would amount to quite an essay because I have a lot of (mostly positive) feelings about it, but I assume this is about my tags saying I have conflicting feelings about the scene in that motel room bed where Mulder tells Scully that there has to be an end and that she should go home. So I will happily talk about that!

I want to preface this by saying that I absolutely love their dynamic throughout the episode. And I love that moment when she comes to him feeling sick and he lays down on the bed with her and holds her and tells her there's more for her, that he wants her to have more. He wants her to be happy. There is so much love between them there, and it's so strong and so gentle at the same time, it's one of the most moving and beautiful moments between them without a doubt and I love it and it never fails to make me cry.

But. I still have very ambivalent feelings about the whole arc with Scully wanting to be a mother. NOT with the motel room scene (I love that one), but specifically with the arc. These feelings have nothing to do with the show or the characters specifically, and it's not an issue I had with it when it aired, but rather something that's only begun bothering me recently. I just sometimes wish that they hadn't introduced it at all, or done it better. For the simple reason that not all women want to be mothers, or they decide against it for other reasons -- like feeling passionate about their work and making that their priority, which is a perfectly valid reason to decide against something you might want very badly otherwise. And sometimes it doesn't sit quite right with me, especially in light of CC's general take on women, that eventually Scully simply has to want to have a child. I may be wrong about this and this might be the most unpopular opinion ever, and that's fine, but it reads to me a bit like "she must want this because she is a woman and women want kids."

The way it's written, it makes absolute sense for Mulder to tell her that there has to be an end, that he wants her to have everything she wishes for. I just sometimes wish for a version of events where we had seen her more conflicted about it. Where she could have made it clear in the moment that if it came to a choice between that dream and their mission, she'd choose to continue their work, with him. I also wish for a version of events where Mulder could have admitted that having a family is his dream as much as it is hers, because why does it have to be the woman who wants a family while the man wants to keep saving the world? (Just as a personal aside, I have friends who are right now getting divorced because he wants kids and she doesn't. It just rubs me the wrong way sometimes when the wish for a family is the woman's job.)

BUT! I know that Mulder and Scully are not in the same place emotionally about their work. Mulder has been committed to it pretty much his entire life. It's never been just a job for him. It always has to come first, and whatever dreams he may also have, he cannot give up the quest for the truth. Scully believes in the work too, it's important to her, she has suffered so much because of it and never stopped going. That says everything we need to know about how important it is to her. She doesn't want to give it up. It's been more than a job for her too for a long time. Her wish for a child is never about not being committed to what they do. And I think it becomes clear enough over time that Mulder does indeed want the same things she does, it's just more between the lines, less obvious. I do believe that under different circumstances, they would have decided to have a family together -- we see more to that effect later on in season 8 and at the end of season 9, not to mention in the revival. Which is why my issues with all of it are more about the way the story is handled, and less about it existing in the first place.

One more But: I do like the fact that a woman who loves her work and is fully committed to it can still want to be a mother. Both things can be true. And that can lead to great personal conflict. And that is a very interesting thing to explore. I just also feel like that is exactly what they didn't do. They sort of just stop at "she wants this one thing and also this other thing." She wants to keep fighting and searching for truths and she wants a kid, but what that would mean for her future is something that is never really properly addressed. It's never properly addressed what it does to her feelings, being torn between two things that mean so much to her. But that would have been really interesting to see. What does she actually want? What is going on in her heart and her soul?

Still, that scene, Requiem as a whole, is still very well done, in my opinion. Within the context of the story they're telling, that scene with them curled up in bed together is beautiful. It's as close to a declaration of love as we get at that point. And he's talking about her health as much as about her wish for a child. He's telling her that her happiness and safety is more important to him than anything else in the world. Her reaction is to hold onto his hand and touch her lips to it -- she doesn't want to go. He means as much to her as she means to him. His happiness and safety come first for her too. And I think they both know in that moment that she would never do what he's suggesting. I don't think she'd ever leave and let him continue on his own. He says "There's so much more you need to do with your life. There's so much more than this." But what is "more?"

Long story short: I love the scene in the motel room. I love the love between them and the tenderness of that moment. But I wish CC had been better at writing women, and had taken more time throughout all the episodes that address this to flesh out that part of the story, both for Scully and for Mulder.

Please, feel absolutely free to disagree with me, I never mind discussing these things or even being convinced otherwise. This is just my take on it.

#thank you for the ask!#this got pretty long #I have a lot of feelings about it lol #this is most likely an unpopular opinion #and I'm not sure about any of it #but on my last rewatch those were my general feelings on it

31 notes · View notes

amageish · 2 years ago

Text

So, Nico Minoru's in Spider-Man Freshman Year... Let's talk about it.

About a year ago, Marvel spilled some details about the upcoming animated Spider-Man series, Spider-Man Freshman Year. There was a lot of discussion about it, what it was, what it wasn't, and whether what it is is better or worse then what people wanted it to be.

A couple weeks ago, a trademark filing indicated that the show was scheduled for Winter 2024. In an era where companies are killing announced and nearly-finished projects, I was honestly thinking the show was on thin ice... but since it seems to still exist, I want to talk about something that I feel has gotten surprisingly little discussion in all the discourse about the show: the inclusion of Nico Minoru, of the Runaways, as Peter Parker's best friend.

Now, from a Peter-centered perspective, I think this choice makes sense in a very specific way? If you flash back to the original 60s Spider-Man comics, which the show seems to be trying to invoke aesthetically from the little we've seen, Peter Parker had a female close friend who was representative of 1960s youth counter-culture: Mary Jane.

The degree to which Stan Lee's own values undercut MJ's counter-culturism is something that people could/do entire academic essays about, but suffice it to say that she was meant to appeal to the zeitgeist of the era and the character's spirit certainly got through to viewers. Like, there is a reason that she the OTP for Peter for so many people, even if Lee at the time had intended to keep the focus on Peter's more traditionally conservative romance with Gwen Stacy.

Nico Minoru slots into this classic pre-MJ-as-the-love-interest MJ role very well, in my opinion at least? In her 2000s comics, she was cast as a edgy goth social outcast who made her own clothes and did her own thing... In her 2010s MCU show, she was cast again as an outcast, but with a certain amount of doomerpilled depression that she outgrows as the show goes on... In the 2020s game Midnight Suns, Nico is still a devoted goth, but also draws from queer youth culture and has a certain semi-ironic peppiness to her (she calls the player "friendo" constantly - she's just like me fr).

So, honestly, I think picking Nico Minoru for Spider-Man's best friend is a really clever move that slots her into this historical role of the foil to Peter Parker - fun choice!

However, from a Nico-centered perspective, I have a lot of questions about what this version of the character will be like practically... The biggest one being: Why is Nico in New York? One of the core concepts of the Runaways as a team is that they are a response to the oft-asked question "Why is New York always under threat? Why are there no superheroes having to save LA?". While the West Coast Avengers do, y'know, exist, the Runaways introduces another answer to this question: Supervillains cannot operate in LA without permission of the Pride, a LA-based supervillain mafia who made a pact with a demon from Limbo and require a cut of all crime committed in the city. The titular Runaways are the children of these villains, who choose to reject their parent's lifestyle and go on the run rather then be complicit in their villainy.

So... How did Nico get in New York and end up enrolling in a New York high school? That's a big change for her and I hope the explanation is satisfying.

Nico and her team also don't usually appear as traditional costumed heroes with secret identities, at least not for prolonged periods of time. They've used several codenames and several costumes, but it's always bit a touch comedic - Nico goes by "Sister Grimm" because they decide they need nicknames to be superheroes as somewhat-cringy-teens while she later uses "The Gloom" partially at the encouragement of her girlfriend, but she's still largely just... Nico. It's worth noting that both Midnight Suns and Marvel Snap break naming conventions to call her by her first/last name instead of an alias - something Snap mostly does with big-deal characters like Jean Grey and Kitty Pryde, with even other characters more known by their real name like Emma Frost and Danielle Moonstar being called by their hero names instead...

So, I'm curious if Nico will be using her powers to fight crime and, if she is, what codename/costume she has... On top of that, I wonder if Peter Parker will know that Nico is a blood witch and if Nico will know that Peter Parker is Spider-Man - or if they mutually uncover that across the events of the series... Doctor Strange is also set to be in this show - will he be a mentor for her as a budding witch, perhaps even more then he is a mentor for Peter? There's a lot of possibilities there too.

Finally, there's the big question of Nico Minoru's queerness. Now, there's basically two lists of Marvel queers - the characters written as queer by the writers and artists at Marvel and the characters Marvel corporate have actually approved as being queer and stamped with a big rainbow stamp of approval. This is what separates your "did a gay kiss once" characters from your "paraded out every June" characters...

Nico is in the latter category and is potentially one of the most corporate-approved queer characters there are. This girl is BISEXUAL and Marvel is uncharacteristically interested in making sure you know it. She got a Pride variant cover kissing her girlfriend when Pearlmutter was still at the company. Her MCU show is full of gay kisses and has not one but TWO fantasy gay wedding sequences (it also got removed from Disney+ earlier this year, funny that).

Now, uh, America Chavez is basically the face of Sapphic Marvel in the comics and her queerness got reduced to a Pride pin in her movie, so I'm not sure if Nico's bisexuality will be acknowledged in the show given that precedent... but I sure hope it does!!! It'd be cute if Karolina pops in too, helping her girlfriend out with whatever antics she gets into... She wasn't in the initial revealed character line-up, but I could also see them waiting to reveal her and hoping to get hype specifically from shippers who haven't thought about the pairing in a few years since the Runaways TV show ended.

ANYWAY. That was a lot of thoughts, but I'm just very curious what's going to happen here... I love Nico and am eager to see her in this show, but it also just feels like such an unconventional choice... to the point where I am apparently thinking about it this hard a year later.

#spiderman freshman year #nico minoru #deanoru #the runaways

55 notes · View notes

teh-nos · 23 days ago

Text

20 Questions with a Fanfic Author

I have been tagged by @chocolatepot and am going to CHEAT by confining some of my answers to the past two years or so of my fics, because I have too many works on AO3 to do memes like this without overthinking them and/or forgetting something that happened ten years ago.

1. How many works on AO3?

'Officially' 454, not counting fics in the Anon collection.

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

976,550

*gasp* But my account creation date is in 2011 and I have backdated a number of works that already existed then. So that's about 20 years worth of fic. Yet also my works have got on average a lot longer in the past... 3-4 years maybe? So it's all lop-sided and odd.

It would be nice to hit the million mark I suppose. I could probably manage it this year. I don't feel that attached to my total wordcount though.

3. Top 5 Fics by Kudos

Okay, I am only including fics posted since January 1st 2023, because otherwise it'll be the same things it always is when I try to do stats memes on social media, which is not as interesting for me personally. So let's have a look!

The Winter of Our Discontent - MCU multichapter (15 of them!) from back when anyone still read the pairing (Loki/Sylvie) so I am not shocked by this result.

yet there's still this appeal that we've kept through our lives - the one Dr Who fic on this list. It is a Doctor/Master soulmate-marks fic.

i don't wear scarlet well - This is Thor/Loki non-con and the (to me) large number of hits (over 2000!) is the main reason for the kudos number being high as well. So kind of the same reason as the first answer, except with incest and non-con and it's a oneshot.

An Heir and a Spare (The Extended Version) - multichapter Loki/Sylvie Medieval* Adultery AU. So, as the saying goes, I refer the honourable member to the answer I gave a short time ago.

(*It is currently tagged as a Historical AU as I know it will read as broadly medieval to most readers but to my mind it's Early Modern and very sadly I cannot get myself past this fact to allow me to tag it more usefully for the reader. It's not even Historical really I just borrowed a lot from books I had read recently about (mostly) Tudor queens. But I digress.)

Forget-Me-Not - Oh, this one! I think of this one as my "popular" MCU fic, probably because when I was writing it there were a number of occasions when I questioned the wisdom of spending months writing 5000 words of fic which is a) mainly focussed on a female character who is really a quite minor character in her own right, b) entirely gen and also G-rated, and c) going against the fandom grain on characterisation for that character. But it actually did really well (for me), which is yet another bit of anecdotal data about how you really can't tell how a fic will 'perform' before you actually post it.

4. What fandoms do you write for?

Well, In The Past Two Years, it has mainly been the MCU (Loki series and Thor Movies mostly) with a bit of Doctor Who and occasional other bits and bobs.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, though I didn't used to and I think fandom culture has changed over the years because it seems like older fics had fewer author replies on them (and some people saw it as inflating your comment count??). I like to socialise online, even though an AO3 comments section is not really the best place for that.

6. Angstiest Ending?

Again, I am keeping this recent, because *waves hand at 450 works* Okay, let me have a look at what I have to choose from. BRB.

Hrm. I decided to ignore some Character Death ending as those to me almost feel too easy to choose here, since of course it's sad when they all die and I feel like I've played those fics on easy level in that regard. So I will choose The Serpent's Queen which is a two-fic series in which Sif attempts to fix Loki with love and fails. Frigga ends up in prison, Thor is probably going to die, and Sif seems to be planning her Scheming Queen Mother era while her husband is still very much alive. See, all that took effort to arrange!

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

My gut says it's the drabble where Sylvie reunites with her brother, but to be less twee and more recent this year I added an unexpected second (final) chapter to a oneshot so that the title character in Fair Alfrida gets to win (in a way) and I liked that because I had felt very bad about what I did to that poor OC in the original story. And so now it is a fic of two halves, and I like that. So there.

8. Do you get hate?

I recently got a very angry comment of SEVERAL sentences but it was just a bot comment, which I knew it must be at once because if someone was going to get mad about that particular fic I feel like the fact it was Muppet/Human RPF would have come up at some point in their drabble-length complaint.

9. Do you write smut?

Oh yes!

10. Do you write crossovers?

Discounting cross-MCU fics, which don't feel like they count, I do occasionally manage one but I tend to prefer to write the kind of crossover where the linking factor between the canons is something a bit silly or odd. That said, I was shocked that nobody had written PM Harold Saxon/President Loki fic already. How no?!

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not recently, and only once many years ago. Apparently I am just not worth stealing from? *shrug emoji*

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A few times, older fics though.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic?

Not recently. I think?

14. All time favorite ship?

I refuse to pick one, I will change my mind later if I do.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My OCD refuses to let me answer this question in case I jinx something.

16. Writing strengths?

Dialogue, probably. I am occasionally shocked - SHOCKED! - to speak to people who don't hear the characters talking in their heads when they write the dialogue. I assume that's what's up with that "read it aloud!" post on tumblr. Oh, now they all sound like me! What a great move that was when I'm not working with the few characters I've written who have a similar accent to mine! Fuck me, what an 'I have no accent!' American post that was.

17. Writing Weaknesses?

I can't write things of the frankly insane lengths that fandom increasingly demands, which has been quite distressing to me in recent years. My preferred mode of fanfiction is the 2000(ish)-word short story anyway so I learned to write with the level of conciseness that length requires and have found it impossible to get my brain to shift gears sufficiently, so the sudden trend to viewing shorter works as lazy and worthless has tbh completely fucked with my head as a fic writer. Which is why some of these questions don't have entirely accurate answers, as I have taken to hiding out in places away from my own username where I don't feel as much pressure to Get Good Stats and to prove my worth by doing my best to write every idea out two or three times just so I can hit a wordcount still well below the minimum many people filter to on AO3 these days.

So that's been generally horrible.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

WELL. Usually my first thought is "So what language are these characters speaking to each other in that means they only drop the occasional word in [language] into their speech?" Which brings me to the question of What The Fuck Do Asgardians Speak Anyway? I am told in the comics they magically speak every language, but I don't think that can be movieverse canon, for then why did Thor need to learn to speak Groot and why do most MCU characters regardless of origin and magicalness speak to each other with no issues? What language are they speaking to each other!!!

The Loki series used Icelandic for it (though actually that's only confirmed outside the text itself, so do with that what you will) and that fits with the assumption I seem to have made that the Asgardians are speaking Old Norse... but that doesn't work because why did the aliens learn an Earth language? Which they must have done because the lineage of Old Norse back to PIE is well-established and oh no why does this even bother me? Who am I? What have I become? Why would it turn into Icelandic and not just a related language with its own history oh my goddddd

19. First fandom you wrote for?

No comment.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

No I will not play favourites with my children, how dare you >:(

#writing stuff #oh yeah and i tag whoever wants to do this meme <3 #fic related #my thoughts on yaoi #“but you have no muppet/human rpf!” you say. i smile mysteriously and pretend it couldn't be found within 5 minutes now you know it exists.

6 notes · View notes

mortalkombartwistedreflectionau · 11 months ago

Text

Who would be the Keeper of Time?

Hey. I come with a different kind of post today, because I found this subject interesting.

So, as most of you must know, we currently have an official MK multiverse, thanks to MK12. Which, if FGLK can explain for me:

(Thanks for once, Firedude)

There it is. According to this concept of multiverse, every universe (or timeline, whatever you prefer) is the result of a different character getting the Hourglass and doing whatever they want with their world. I wonder which MK character wanted to create Stung Lao now. 🤔

I am personally ignoring this concept of multiverse for my stuff, because of how limiting it is to me: every different thing from normal canon in each AU cannot be random, it has to be something an MK character would have done with the Hourglass. If I wanted to do a universe under the premise of What if Bi-Han spared Hanzo?, for example, I would have to explain why a Keeper of Time would change only that event and nothing else. It just limits the potential of a multiverse from my point of view.

Even official MK seems to think like this outside of MK12. Unless an alternative Kronika who won the MK11 battle or something is revealed in the future, the universe of MK: Onslaught seems to lack a Keeper of Time completely.

Every AU I'll ever make will follow the logic of being a 'natural' AU, it exists without the need of a Keeper of Time creating it previously, which includes Twisted Reflection of course. Their origin will be the original one: the Elder Gods destroying the One Being and creating the realms as a result.

However, I think that putting my little brain to work to think who would be the Keeper of Time if I actually needed to do it is interesting. So here I will present who would be the Keeper of Time of Twisted Reflection as an alternative take (I emphasize, not what I am doing for the actual story).

With all that said, here we would have the most plausible Keeper of Time for Twisted Reflection:

With the reasons why I would choose her being the following ones.

It goes along with the overall themes of Twisted Reflection

This is a universe in which the good intentions of most of the regular MK heroes are twisted by many factors until they become villains. Who better than the twisted goddess of life and virtue to be its creator?

It could explain Mirror Shao Kahn and Mirror Shinnok

The majority of characters in Twisted Reflection try to have a reason why they are different from the canon characters. Mirror Reiko grew up in a non-tyrannical society and had a good role model in Mirror Shao Kahn, Mirror Sindel was raised from birth to be the authoritarian evil ruler she is, etc.

The three big exceptions are Mirror Shao Kahn, Mirror Shinnok and Mirror Cetrion herself. They are different because I want and I can. And I am going to keep it like that.

However, in this alternative scenario, Mirror Cetrion would be a Cetrion corrupted as a consequence of the actions she took after getting the Hourglass, and she could use it to influence Shao and Shinnok's lives, as you will see in my next point.

There is a way to connect Cetrion's MK11 ending and Twisted Reflection

In Cetrion's MK11 ending, her objective is for 'good to flourish', to triumph over evil. She reaches the conclusion that for mortals to 'embrace the light', they need to battle 'evil' until they manage to overcome it, and she proceeds to 'baptize the realms with fire' to make it happen. Needless to say, this is a ridiculously drastic measure which can perfectly be read as her desire for everything to be perfect from her point of view becoming an obsession. With that, we already have our twisted version of Cetrion.

Now, what about the rest of the characters? Well, Cetrion's ending implies that her forces of evil would include Shinnok, Dark Raiden and even herself. But what if that attempt failed and decided to restart the timeline and try something different?

She knows who tend to be the most prominent combatants across all realms, which factions will be the most prominent ones in future battles. Why not turn them all into fighters of 'good', so the 'evil' ones who remain are completely overwhelmed in the next timeline? And why not give them even more motivation to fight?

With that line of thought, she would make the changes necessary for the already virtuous combatants to follow paths which would lead them to not just oppose what's wrong, but to persecute it, exterminate it, impose their ways over everyone. That's why she would give the first Edenians who ever existed certain ideas so the most ideal Regime she could think of was created, for example.

With those who were evil in the previous universe, on the other hand, she would try to 'fix them'.

Maybe she gave them better influences or better lives. Maybe she spoke much more constantly with her brother since they were young (by Elder Gods' standards) so he could see the beauties of peace and prosperity. Maybe she took care of teaching Shao Kahn the ways of virtue from the moment he was created (protector god equivalent of being a baby, let's say). And yet, in the end, they would end up opposing her and her allies. She would write them off as a lost cause, believing they were always meant to be 'wrong' no matter what. In her obsession, she wouldn't realize she actually succeeded too much for her own good, and they all have become individuals with enough moral integrity to oppose her.

All left for Cetrion would be following her plan for a great war between 'good' and 'evil' to happen in her new timeline, hoping that she won't need to restart it again, and not knowing that her plans could backfire this time...

And that's been my little alternative scenario for my own AU. AU of an AU? 😵

Feel free to tell me what you would think of this if it were the case, I would be very interested to hear it! 😀

#mortal kombat #twisted reflection #cetrion

7 notes · View notes

bookmuseum · 14 days ago

Text

[REVIEW] The Expert of Subtle Revisions by Kirsten Menger-Anderson

5/5 stars (★★★★)

"Our lives are just a shadow that will lift once we change the light. . . . Why shouldn't we be together in this moment, this song?"

I procrastinated writing this review because I really loved this novel, but it's always the books you love that you can never find the right words for. I read The Expert of Subtle Revisions for Pride Month 2025. I saw it on a recommended reading list for queer fiction and I needed something gay to read for June; the covered intruiged me, so I went ahead and got a copy. I can confidently say this was one of my favorite and also one of the most unexpected reads of this year. I was delightfully surprised and blown away. I'd love to reread this book at some point; I wish I had a physical copy but it's currently so expensive in stores to buy since the book just released a few months ago. I cannot believe this was Menger-Anderson's debut novel -- she writes like a pro! She has a bright career ahead in fiction writing if she chooses to write more books, which I hope she will.

I loved the book's main theme of getting to choose things for yourself, and how our choices make us who we are:

"Each step forward was a choice, but I did not yet know what I was deciding."

Menger-Anderson started out small when Hase introduces herself saying she doesn't exist on offical records and therefore doesn't have a birthday or proper identification. Even her own name isn't on any kind of government roster or census. But she chooses what she likes and lives a very unortodox and (mostly) unbothered life. Hase is a living example of how everything -- most things, actually -- don't get written down or noticed, but there's still value in remembering, correcting, and appreciating what others would've otherwise considered nothing:

"Missing text is often more fascinating than the words that remain, a reminder that history is both written and erased, a palimpsest with no final version."

Such a sophisticated way of looking at history and memory. Menger-Anderon also reveals how dangerous it is to dismiss these supposedly insignificant things, whose values are decided according to arbitrary standards that are fickle and destructive:

"If it's included, it becomes part of the story. If it's struck, it's forgotten."

Hase calls these "forgotten" things a kind of "shadow history," and she herself is a "connoisseur of untold stories." Despite being "off the grid" and not having anything permanent in her life that ties her down to anything like a job, a SIN number, school, a landline, or a traditional family, she still craves human connection, which she gets by constantly, expertly, and subtly revising Wikipedia articles: "Proof isn't truth. . . . The world is inconsistent. One change upsets everything." Hase herself even (unconsciously) participates in this "forgetting":

"I would never willinglu throw away a part of myself, but I have lost some accidentally."

She's so beautifully human I can let myself believe she's as worldly and smart as Menger-Anderson wants me to believe despite living a very sheltered, albeit unconventional, life.

Hase's multilayered and literally dimension-bending relationship with her father being so complicated yet also so typical to father-daughter relationships (tale as old as time . . .) was so great to read. Menger-Anderson touches on their dynamic so expertly. I love that we only get to see them actually interacting in the novel's real time at the very end when she hands him that letter and he doesn't know who she is, but she knows everything. It's a complete flip from the beginning of the novel when they were playing opposite roles:

"The sea is telling us something, I explained, and my father agreed that the message, however unclear, must be very important. I sometimes think love is like this. We hear only the crash of its waves."

This book really challenges our imagination in regards to how we conceptualize time and history-making. Hase says, "History can be this personal," and "Language, too, is never neutral." It's a powerful message to convey and I highly respect Menger-Anderson for publishing this story in 2025; it hasn't only been recently (it's been happening for forever), but revisionist history has been a hot topic nowadays, especially how harmful certain narratives presented as "factual" or "objective" have been in the past: "The law could be unforgiving, but men even more so." Ah, human folly. Menger-Anderson makes these points all the more contemporary by making her main character a reclusive woman. As people often misquote Virginia Woolf for saying in "A Room of One's Own," "For most of history, Anonymous was a woman." (I know that's not what she actually said -- I read the essay! -- but it's so often -- wrongfully -- cited as hers that it's just stuck). Well, clichés are clichés for a reason. There is a timeless historical tendency to obscure and/or erase women's contributions and voices from the historical record. TEoSR suggests that many works, stories, and achievements attributed to "Anonymous" or an unknown secret author were likely created by women and other minorities who were not credited for their work due to societal biases and limitations placed upon them. Hase says,

"History is easily erased, but it can also be rewritten. Why wipe away change to leave a broken thing intact?"

I loved how Menger-Anderson chose Wikipedia -- a site that everyone has used -- as the nucleus of historymaking and fact-checking. When I was growing up, Wikipedia got a lot of crap for being inaccurate and false news, but over the years I've come to really appreciate it and all the phenomenal work the moderators, editors, and other contributors do to keep world knowledge and information accessible. I'm grateful that, during my undergrad, I got to attend a workshop detailing how Wikipedia editorship works nowadays, and how, yes, misinformation does get added on the pages quite often, but it's not as anarchic as people think -- especially now with the rise of anti-intellectualism and everybody's gross love for generative AI and ChatGPT, which spout slop and lies at unprecedented paces. Safe to say Wikipedia is a blessing.

Anyway, yes, this book subverts a lot of expectations and makes a lot of bold claims. ("Ultimately, men must do what they think right, but what is right is wretchedly complicated"). The time-travel plot is already hard as balls to pull off well, but Menger-Anderson really shocked me. (And that's saying something; most of the speculative fiction I consume often has something to do with time travel, so I was very impressed). I'm such a sucker for the time-travelling in opposite directions trope (Doctor Who ruined me), but Menger-Anderson made it so much cooler by making it gay! I usually don't like romance, but I sighed dreamily a little when I read, "To this day, I don't know where my thoughts end and yours begin." Holy shit ??? And it (technically) didn't end tragically like all the soap opera queer drama novels all do: "

"I can't expect you to understand this, but you are in my past and I'm in your future."

Even though I wasn't as interested in them as characters as I was with Hase, the love story between Anton and Haskell was phenomenally done. And they were offset so well with the story's main antagonist Josef. He was a very well-done, believable villain. I loved his descent into madness, criminality, and obsessive hatred. His chapters did not feel awkward or forced at all.

Mostly, I love that, even though everything gets tied up neatly in the story, Hase still chooses to completely fuck with the timeline, embrace the paradoxes, and continue to exist as a singularity -- a walking contradiction. God, it was brilliant: "I want for us all to be entangled. . . . We were never a mess." However, I want to point out a few hiccups because I'm an attention-seeking nitpicker: I didn't like how the music box was the time travel device; it never felt like it fit what was otherwise a masterfully crafted web of symbols and motifs. Even though Menger-Anderson does try to establish a musical aspect to the story, -- "We belong to infinite melodies. We're nowehere in particular or everywhere at once" -- it isn't well executed, especially since the original melody that Haskell and Anton use for the music box was played by Katarina Popovic, Sophia's mother who doesn't even show up for more than a handful of scenes throughout the novel. I get that Menger-Anderson could possibly be hailing back to her point that women go unnoticed throughout history -- Anton adds the composition of "Himmelsauge" to Katarina's Wikipedia page, but doesn't mention Sophia at all -- but it still felt weak to me. Even if the omission was intentional on Menger-Anderson's part, I felt that TEoSR in general kind of ironically sidelines a lot of the women in its own story -- to the point that it wasn't making a statement, it was kind of buying into the sexist stereotype, in a way. I guess there's a fine line between showing that women get dismissed throughout history and official narratives and then literally dissming them in your story. I wish I got to spend more time with Sophia (who deserved so much better, by the way -- her character felt the most inauthentic and overly romanticized: I simply don't believe a little girl vacationing in Opatija with her family would just suddenly lean over some random little boy and ask him if he's ever been in love before then dip for over a decade. Like okay manic pixie dreamgirl who gets killed off-screen. Did her so dirty!), her mother, Dr. Ord, and Harriet.

I also found three incongruities in how Menger-Anderson presents the actual timeline of how things go. And I know the story's meant to be fucky with chronological order and realism, but allow me these three things:

1. The music box's origins and mechanics are brushed over too easily. Haskell off-handedly mentions how it was "built alone" while he was "still an outcast and oft-bullied teenager in rural Indiana." That made me laugh out loud. I was hoping Menger-Anderson would do something neat with the bootstrap paradox -- so, who really invented the music box? -- but nah. Moritz just built the fucking thing in his all-American teenage edgelord garage or something while brooding over his homosexuality. It's kind of hilarious. Fucking Indiana???

2. Hase mentions finding "the blackmail letter from Zedlacher" in her father's journal, but didn't he tear that up earlier? I haven't actually gone and checked for sure if I'm right, but I feel like that was a plothole that the book just forgot to patch up. Not complaining about it much, -- Hase needed to read that letter, after all -- but if it was torn up like I remember it was, a whole lot of the book's conclusion doesn't make much sense.

3. At what point did Hase learn needlework enough to get a job when she time-travels back to Vienna in 1934? She gets there and immediately gets an apartment from Anton's landlady Inge and a job doing "needlework." What??? Where did she learn that??? She very well could've just known it as a side thing or a hobby -- it's not totally random -- but it kinda threw me off when I read it.

Hhh, all my quips aside, this is a book that I will always remember fondly. It was a happy accident that I stumbled upon it and its gorgeous cover. TEoSR is a fresh new take on historical fiction, sci-fi, and the time travel genre and I'm so happy I got to read it just as it was hot off the press.

#book #book review #the expert of subtle revisions #kirsten menger-anderson #menger-anderson #historical fiction #fiction #scifi #science fiction #queer fiction #queer lit #queer literature

1 note · View note

fantasiacafecat · 10 months ago

Text

I just got done playing everyone's route last night on Seduce Me 2: The Demon War. It was on switch and I realize that they may have changed some parts up on the switch than the original. Because I was doing the naughty scene for Sam and I remember him saying "Maybe I really am a brute" and they basically scrapped. So I decided to ne cutsey and remember I bought the complete story, demon war 2, and the first game before I knew switches existed. I downloaded all three on my chrome book.

Number 1: If I do rewrite all routes for Seduce Me 2 there are gonna be some major changes.

The wives (if I decide to even add them) won't be in the Demon world mostly because they don't bring anything to the story. I'll most likely give them their own moments before Mika is kidnapped. Like Carrie in Jame's route. And they'll be mentioned (example: say Mika gets a couple dogs in Sam's route. When she realizes that they have no one feeding them, Sam would reassure her that one of the wives would be taking care of them.

More serious roles for all of the brothers. And maybe one on one scenes with them (I might make a version where Mika doesn't romance anyone or its the harem version as well because I want to). It seems like only Sam gets to have more conversation with his brothers in his story. And it does kind of hurt my soul that in every route only one brother gets to help kill the Demon lord, their shitty father. I know Sam would probably do anything to kick his ass.

The whole story probably won't be a week long. And there would probably be more Battle scenes. Depending on who you choose as your trainer you might get to be part of some missions, like assassinations with Shadow. Or scouting with Fae. I also don't know how dark and sinister I'm gonna make this story (if I do it). Part of me wants to genuinely traumatize the MC (when do I not).

Number 2: As for the Human Heart routes. I'm almost completely sure it's gonna have a similar plot like with each of the Demon brothers. Unless I was writing very tiny snippets of the relationship between Mika and their human lover, I don't think it'd be interesting enough to make a full fanfic (that's based off a game with magic) that doesn't have magic in it. It would be hard to find out a general enemy or problem for each story. Every single one of the brothers has their own baggage to overcome, James with angels, Erik and Oribel, Sam with Dragon's and returned devil lover, Matthew with his Mother, Damien (but mostly Mika) dealing with his humanity.

So let's say "The Human Heart" generally could start in at least 3 ways.

1. Mika never finds out that she has magic, but she still has some magic in her which causes her to be kidnapped and Mika doesn't know jack shit of what's going on, what demons are, and what to do. A decent 4/10 idea.

2. Mika finds her grandfather journal again, and learns magic at a softer and slower pace. Though when reading she knows that it wouldn't be a good idea to tell her spouse that magic exists (because the book says so). So if she does get kidnapped, her spouse cannot help her. Decent 5 or 6/10

3. Mika finds the journal again, and decides it'd be beneficial to tell her human spouse what magic is (because keeping secrets isn't healthy in a relationship). She gets kidnapped because she has Demon magic, but assuming their human spouse learns what Mika learns. They could come to the Demon World. I like this one the best because it just the least amount of plot holes.

As for whether or not the Demon brothers are in the story. It could also go one of 4 general ways.

1. Just because the boys leave Mika in the first game, doesn't mean Diana was able to convince any of them to return, nor does it mean the boys wouldn't think about seeing Mika in the future. Say they come back to Chicago, only to hear the only Anderson child's been missing for the decent part of the week. 8/10

2. The brothers are part of the rebellion because when Diana convices the brothers to come back. They come back to Diana's kingdom in flames. 5/10

3. The boys never actually leave Mika in the first game, Mika just falls for Naomi/Suzu/Andrew. Mika goes missing before their wedding and the boys do the same thing like in any of the Canon routes. 7/10

4. The boys are not part of "The Human Heart storyline". 0/10

I might post more about the idea for The Human Heart.

#Seduce me the otome #seduce me 2 the demon war

3 notes · View notes

livlepretre · 1 year ago

Note

I know we’re way past it, but that miscarriage Elena had just messed me up.

Is Klaus going to ever find out? Tyler?

And will maybe Elena ever get pregnant when she with klaus because a girl need her HOPE lol

The miscarriage is the darkest point of this story-- it was also the hardest part to write, but something I also felt couldn't be shied away from just because it was hard-- one of the core missions of this fic is to write about hard things in a real way, despite the supernatural trappings-- and to try to give them the emotional weight they deserve, which is so often glossed over in media. (Like, depression and grief are not story arcs. They cannot be resolved in 4 or 5 episodes, and it's offensive how often those things are treated that way with a simple solution. The reality is there is no single solution. Time doesn't heal all wounds. We just hope and pray that we grow strong enough to hold those things, that we find room inside of ourselves to hold them.)

Anyway.

The miscarriage is not "over" as a story element. Elena is still grieving it, but she's grown able to bear the burden of it. That happened over the years and years alone at the manor when she had to find a way to do that or else give up and die. It could certainly come up again in the right circumstances.

I'm not entirely sure whether either Tyler or Klaus would ever find out. If Elena sees Tyler again, she might tell him-- or she might decide to spare him the grief of a child that died years ago, and keep that pain to herself. Especially if she thought he had a chance of being happy. I'm not saying I think that is the right thing to do, just that I could see her choosing to do that. And also... because I think she might be afraid to open that door inside of her heart again, to crack it wide open as far as she would need to to tell the father of her lost baby what happened. But who knows. Maybe sharing that with Tyler would bring her some catharsis, and maybe she would do it because she thinks he has a right to know, painful as the knowledge is.

As for Klaus. I also don't know. The thing about the miscarriage is that the entire grief of that episode-- the entire existence of this child she loves despite not even knowing she existed until after her death-- belongs to her. Solely to her. Right now, it's not something she would ever want to share with him. Perhaps she might in the future. She would have to both want to tell him and need to tell him, for her own reasons, emotionally. He's certainly not going to find out otherwise. I don't think Rebekah would tell Klaus casually-- even she understands what a confidence Elena was sharing with her, and besides-- she thinks it was a normal pregnancy with Matt or something.

What happens exactly with this thread is something that I'll only know for sure once I get there. It's going to depend on what is right.

(I also thought Elena would tell Klaus about her suicide attempt in New Orleans in chapter 41; that happened in the original draft, but I realized as I was working on it that she would keep that back from him-- it wasn't the right time emotionally for her to share that with him, if she ever does.)

As for whether she will ever get pregnant again in this fic-- it's certainly possible. She knows that hybrids are fertile, or at least, they are fertile when sleeping with her. (She might not realize they are generally able.) It might be something on her mind were she to sleep with Klaus again. (when, lol)

But whatever the case, as I have promised many times before, Elena herself is going to have some version of a happy ending when all is said and done. Whether that includes having children with Klaus is something I will leave as a "read and find out!" (But: can you imagine having children with FE!Klaus????? YIKES)

#anonymous #fairytale ending #miscarriage #tw miscarriage

8 notes · View notes

dearrosaceae · 10 months ago

Text

I hope moving on doesn’t turn me into stone.

Dear Tumblergh, a lot has happened recently. To summarise, I have decided (as I should have from a long time ago) to move on from my first love. We have a long history that stretched way back to two years ago. He was the one and only man, and an experience that I ever come close to a real romantic relationship so in the light of that obvious lacking in references, it is very devastating on my part.

I burned a poem and a couple bookmarks I dedicated to him from two years ago when he rejected me (the bookmarks were prior) at night on a random tuesday or wednesday. It was significant that I got rid of those memoribilia because if I have anything more that reminded me of him, it’ll made moving on harder.

I also recorded and edited a video about it which gain traction among my friends.. as well as him. He texted me about the video, claiming he didn’t know it was about him or that all this time, all of my poems had been about him, my posts, my hints of insane yearn. I just.. yelled at him for that response, he was so oblivious and frustrating.

He reassured me that if we are meant to be together, we’ll find our way back to each other which is a nice thing to say but I’m tired of hearing it because I’ve told myself that a million times already. Afterwards we did text again when he initiated, even call which took me by huge surprise. I was cathartic by his invitation.

“You just want (a place) to rant, right? Let’s call.”

However, things took a sharp left from there. He immediately went cold and distant, like he had always been. I thought at first I’ve got a chance to salvage our relationship which is stupid yes because even after burning those memories, I still have hope for him but this time he made it clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with me. You know what they call this type of people?

Asshole.

Hope-giving-motherfuckers.

I posted some Twitter screenshots and poems on my WhatsApp status and Instagram stories about moving on and being abandoned. It is how I cope with pain and apparently, severe attachment issues. He posted Tik Toks too and today a poem in our mother tongue. This is just how we’re communicating lately and somehow, none of us know if we are doing it right.

Listen, I know he’s not the best guy there is. My heart only thinks so because he fits my type perfectly and like I said, he is my one and only experience so I have nobody to compare him to. He won without competing. I also acknowledge that I’m having a hard time moving forward because I cling to the nostalgia of us, and the possibilities of “what ifs” and “what could’ve been”. I couldn’t give anyone or myself a chance.

This hurts but nothing wounded cannot heal with time. Plus, it’ll leave a scar but a reminder could be helpful in the future. Day by day, I try to make a step forward towards moving on. I don’t want to pretend that he’s dead or he never existed, because that would also mean leaving our memories unacknowledged. I, too, refuse to demonise him so I could hate him and move on. He is still as good as he can be to me.

Instead, I will just look for other things to enrich myself and be the best version of myself. Be my own type so no man can easily impress me in terms of attracting me. Improve myself so much that my future partner doesn’t have to deal with my baggages such as this, or if I don’t find a partner either, I can be completely content just by myself.

Of course, I hope that this experience does not make loving traumatising. I have seen what this can do to people. I don’t want the same thing to happen to me. I want to continue loving with purpose, choosing to love again and again, courageously, even though I risk getting hurt.

Because eventually, I know this love will triple itself on me.

Love wont turn me into a stone.

#love #moving on #rosareflects #rosaneedstherapy #rosamance #reflection #loving #partner

2 notes · View notes

theshoesofatiredman · 1 year ago

Note

“This choice to follow Jesus is so highly valued within Christianity, the determiner of eternal salvation, but it's barely even a choice at all. It's practically an outcome of a person's birth circumstances.”

The choice to follow Jesus is the only thing that matters in Christianity. That is a fact, yes. In his final moments, the robber at the cross chose to follow Jesus ─ he died shortly after, yet that small choice was enough.

I cannot answer why people risk their lives to follow Christianity.

Like yourself, I live in a country where being a Christian does not risk me the penalty of death. I can only recall the hymn “I Have Decided to Follow Jesus” (which I am sure you know of) ─ and if it cannot answer your why, then what can?

But I do disagree that it is an outcome of one's birth. Unlike yourself, no one forced me into Christianity. After leaving their church, my parents never stepped foot in another one for 16 years.

I certainly didn't like reading the Bible, nor did I care about praying as a kid.

The only time I've seen my father try his hand at converting anybody was to myself. He explained why it was, how it was, and what it was. Told me the choice was my own, and never brought it up again.

And I didn't take him up on that offer. It was a long time later, and a choice very much my own that made sense to me that lead me where I am ─ so yes. I disagree quite a lot, actually, that it is a matter of circumstance.

Because I was not raised in a church, and neither was my father; my mother was raised an off-hand Catholic with way more pressing issues to even think about faith or religion.

Many more people leave the church they were raised in, than are raised in a way to keep them in a church until adulthood. Still, I'm not from the US, so I don't know what happens around there.

I'd even bring forth every single member of my local church as an example, but this getting too long already.

And there are two more questions I want to answer.

(1/?)

I was quite taken aback by this response, because I would think that the unfair access to the message of John 14:6 across the modern world alone would've been indisputable. Some people get to live in a part of the world where Christianity's influence is so everpresent you're likely to see John 14:6 on a bumper sticker (this happened to me this week, thought of you anon) and others get to live in parts of the world where they are likely never to even come to know John 14:6. I thought that this was something we would agree on.

People make choices, yes, but those choices don't exist in a vacuum! You may have made the choice to follow Christ, but the fact that your parents both brought some version of Christianity to the table certainly plays a role in the likelihood you'd even be exposed to Christianity's central doctrine! The fact that you live in a country where you can worship openly affects your ability to even be given the teachings of Jesus so that you can understand and follow him. And since we are talking about God here, judge of all humanity past present and future, with the power to install your soul into any era, the fact that you were born thousands of years after Jesus' ministry also has an impact.

Question: how soon after Christ's resurrection did humanity become responsible for trusting in him for their salvation? How were the people who were near death, living continents away, supposed to be held responsible for that knowledge? Did they ever stand a chance at hearing that Jesus was the only way to their Creator, before Christianity could even leave the region? What of the people who died in the moments after Jesus took his first breath, before the stone had even been rolled away. Were they responsible to choose Christ? And if they were, how is it fair?

The reality it would seem to me is that not everyone is dealt the same hand when it comes to the ability to choose to believe in Jesus as the way, the truth, and the life. Not then and not now. And yet salvation is handed out for this one choice alone. And that's not even really touching upon the matter of whether or not we can choose what we believe in (it's basically impossible to believe something you're not convinced of and it hardly seems like a moral failing to not be convinced something is true). How is it fair to withhold salvation from the person who died a year after and a continent away from when and where Jesus rose from the grave but give it to the 5th generation Christian born in 2002 into a Christian majority country? BTW 87% of Christians live in countries where Christianity is the majority religion.

I also am going to have to ask for a source on the claim that more people who were raised in the church leave rather than stay. I have not seen that backed up by the data I've looked at regarding religious belief. If that is true, I would like to know it, but sadly I don't think it is.

I'm glad you weren't indoctrinated, anon, but I think you're missing the point by highlighting this. Do you think you'd still be Christian if your family was devoutly Muslim? Do you think you'd still be Christian if you grew up in a majority Buddhist country? Do you think you'd be Christian if you were born in the same place but the same year Jesus was?

And to get back to my question, why worship a God who lets those very real barriers, that affect something as amoral as belief, determine whether a person should be saved?

#exvangelical #ask #shoesofatiredman

5 notes · View notes