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orsuliya · 4 years ago

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Song Huaien is a good boy!

Book spoilers did me dirty. That’s a fact. Ever since I peeked at the last chapters of the novel, I’ve been convinced that Song Huaien was going to go rogue sooner or later. And so I looked upon him as one does upon a ticking bomb, watching him closely for any signs of rot and obvious mwahahahaing.

And that… might have been wrong of me. It’s not like The Rebel Princess ever treated any character’s novel journey as sacrosanct (see: Su Jin’er, Wanru, even Zitan). So what gives? Well, just look at the ever-precious Liu Duanduan. Wouldn’t you want to steel your heart in advance…?

And then the supremely astute @dangermousie came along and made me reconsider what could be done in the scant remaining number of episodes in order to deliver a satisfying ending. I trust The Rebel Princess, so it will be a satisfying ending, 12 cut episodes notwithstanding, and I’m choosing to ignore any contrary opinions! So what could be done? Well, getting rid of Song Huaien’s rebellion and conflict with Xiao Qi seems to be one of the most viable solutions, whether by design or by leaving it on the cutting-room floor. Okay, I’m sold, I thought at once, jumping without thinking as I’m wont to do. But does the drama itself support that?

Why, yes, I believe it does!

What are the actual visible signs of Song Huaien’s potential villainy? There’s the corruption/negligence thing, a pronounced liking for finer things in life and an unrequited love for Awu. That’s it.

The corruption scandal, if it can even be called such, what with Potato suppressing any further investigation attempts, is the biggest strike against Song Huaien. It’s clear that he’s somehow embroiled into unsavoury dealings, but the extent of his guilt is never shown. While I don’t fully believe his story about the birthday gifts being delivered during his absence and accepted without his express permission and/or knowledge, there is also nothing to suggest he’s been explicitly on Xie payroll, secret documents non-withstanding. The record book alone is no proof of guilt – why, the Xie might have simply noted that gifts of certain value had been given and received, not in exchange for a specific service, but rather as a start of a beautiful relationship. You get the drill. I believe if there was a solid proof of Song Huaien doing explicit harm to his own in exchange for Xie money, Xiao Qi’s reaction would have been much harsher.

As it stands, Song Huaien’s guilt is a matter of conjecture. There’s the birthday gift, which Xiao Qi cottons onto really quickly, which confirms that it may have been noted in the Xie secret books. There’s the fact that he may or may not have known about it and may or may not have chosen to keep it. I’d say he did know, if only after the fact, and that he originally meant to keep it. There’s also the damning fact that Song Huaien was the man taking care of logistics from the Ningshuo side. And he did his job really poorly, since multiple deliveries of substandard grain and clothing somehow made it through. But was it out of maliciousness? Was there ever a conscious decision on his part to let things slip? Not necessarily. It looks bad, sure. But let’s not forget that dealing with the capital sharks may be a first for Song Huaien, regardless of his previous experience as a procurement officer. Whatever his experience, it was either at the very end of the supply chain or it was mainly related to supplies coming from the area closest to Ningshuo. The former wouldn’t have prepared him for his present duties. And as for the latter, I think that the Ningshuo province has its own rules and ways, which are in no way comparable to the shark pond that the capital undoubtedly is. What’s more, Huaien really seems to buy into the illustrious capital life; it would not surprise me if he delegated a few things that should not be delegated simply because he was busy taking it all in!

So, intentional crime or crime of negligence? I’d be inclined to vote for negligence. It just fits what we know about Song Huaien up to that point, it fits his current circumstances and it makes Xiao Qi’s reaction quite reasonable.

The second strike against Huaien’s integrity is his love for the finer things in life. But then, is it really such a damning thing? Many of the Ningshuo soldiers must have experienced the same thing upon their arrival into the capital. Here they are, heroes and patriots all, having spent their whole life either on various battlefields or in decidedly non-luxurious circumstances. Why, they must be quite happy if they get enough to eat, which they do only because they have an honest general who cares about them very much. Other armies are not as lucky! And then they are shown all those useless noble scions, some of whom might nominally be officers despite barely knowing how to hold a sword (and even those swords would be ceremonial ones, so mostly useless). I don’t know about you, but I’d be bitter. Some of Xiao Qi’s closest clearly are, although he tends to shut that down very quickly. Also, covetousness is not a crime as long as Song Huaien is not actively taking bribes or jockeying for profit. And there is no proof of that. His manor and his title are both given to him without him ever asking for them. If he appreciates that… well, that is also not a crime and he doesn’t even gloat openly! As it later turns out, he took both as his due, believing that his talents were seen and duly appreciated outside the Ningshuo army.

Sooo… Nothing out of ordinary on that count. And seeing that at one point Song Huaien offers to use his savings to repair the ailing military budget – whether from guilt or from sense of duty – speaks to his advantage.

Now, let’s take a look at his unrequited love for Awu. I mean, is it any wonder he falls for her? I am half in love with her myself, so I totally get it! What matters is what he does with this love. Quite surprisingly, there is no attempt at coming between her and Xiao Qi. Why, Song Huaien actively tries to help their marriage by convincing Awu to return home from the temple. No hesitation there! And while he might realize he’s actually in love very late in the story (by this point it’s obvious to everybody), the realization itself changes very little. He gets very determined to go through with marrying Yuxiu, that’s it. Still no attempts to make a move on Awu. Even that flower he brought back from the Imperial Mausoleum was not an overly romantic gesture – she asked and he did as she asked in order to make her happy, nothing more. There’s also a genuine attempt to get over her. He goes to Yuxiu on their wedding night and despite the initial haziness on the matter, he seems to know quite well she’s not Awu and does his best. Although that bro slap in the morning… Let’s believe he did his best there too, the poor awkward thing. He gives her an actual hug when he comes back from Jiangnan! Progress!

What finally buried the theory that Song Huaien might rebel in order to take Awu away from Xiao Qi was his convo with Wang Su in episode 55. I was so afraid (just as I was afraid on his wedding night) that he might do something stupid. Like asking for Awu’s hand or betraying his romantic intentions towards her. But no. While Song Huaien tells Wang Su that he wants/needs to find Awu, there’s no romantic intent there, only duty towards Xiao Qi’s wife and respect towards a woman who has earned it many times over. If there is anything else, I just can’t see it! Why, during this whole conversation Song Huaien is more broken up about Xiao Qi than about Awu!

Whether Song Huaien manages to get over his love or not, there is no sign he was ever going to do anything about it, not while Xiao Qi lived and perhaps not even now that he’s supposed to be dead. Moreover, he made every possible effort to suppress his emotions out of sheer guilt and feeling of brotherhood towards Xiao Qi. Marrying Yuxiu might have been a bad, bad choice (although I still hope for the best), but it was a choice made for the best of reasons.

So that’s it, right? Well, wrong. Even with all of the above there was still a possibility for him to go the villain route. Except… he actually seems to be redeeming himself in leaps and bounds. Once away from the capital, Song Huaien seems to throw off the capital’s thrall and becomes the best version of himself. Jumping into stormy waters in clear disregard of any danger? Working tirelessly towards a common goal and for the good of the people? That’s pure Ningshuo stock, no moral rot in sight! Now, why would the narrative have him getting back to his old self only to make him regress again?

There’s also no real reason for him to ever go against Xiao Qi. If that was going to happen, I’d have expected at least some signs of bitterness and jealousy to have shown up by now. And yet there’s nothing, at least not towards Xiao Qi. Who, might I add, really does his best to mitigate any potential bitterness in the bud. Just look at the way they resolve the corruption scandal! And I’m not talking about Xiao Qi burning (or not burning?) the incriminating page. What got my attention is what their conversations over the matter boil to. Which is: Listen, brother, I get that you’ve been having some issues, but get your shit together. And please, take care of yourself. I don’t want you to get in trouble, so please remember that there are people watching your every step. No overt accusations, no anger in sight, maybe the slightest bit of sternness, but heavily undercut with roughly expressed care. And it’s the same with their confrontation over Awu. I know what’s going on with you and my wife, but I 100% get it, mate, so take a moment and decide how to proceed from here. Even if Song Huaien was actively seeking a reason to hold a grudge, it would take a truly rotten seed to find one. And a rotten seed Song Huaien is not.

Now, let’s wrap it up by going over Wang Su’s suborning of Song Huaien in episode 55. It’s really something special, as well as the main reason I’m choosing to reject any possibility of SHE/XQ showdown.

Wang Su waylays Song Huaien on his way out of camp. Song Huaien is clearly very emotional at this moment and not really inclined to stop for anybody. Why, I think that he was fully prepared to go through Wang Su if needed. It is also quite probable that his decision to leave for the capital was made on the spot, once he heard about what happened to Xiao Qi, Awu and his comrades. Yet he stops and listens, if only because Wang Su – Awu’s brother and Xiao Qi’s brother-in-law - should be his natural ally in his quest to clear Xiao Qi’s name. As he proclaims to be by announcing his willingness to join Song Huaien on his journey to the capital.

Wang Su (or rather Daddy Wang possessing Wang Su’s body) takes full advantage of Song Huaien’s state. First he breaks out a prop, Awu’s favourite wine. It does not work as well as it could have and I’d say that at this point Song Huaien remains quite astute as to Wang Su’s weird behaviour. His first outburst shows he’s got little patience for games. Awu is your sister and Xiao Qi your brother in law, he reminds Wang Su, who seems very controlled for a man with much more obvious ties to this whole situation than Song Huaien. Wang Su skips around the issue by taking out his ace card, the Empress Dowager’s order. Predictably, it takes Song Huaien off-balance and incites a sense of debt, if not gratitude. An excellent opening from the shapeshifting Daddy Wang! Then Wang Su makes an attempt at aiming Song Huaien at the Empress Dowager… and it doesn’t work. Song Huaien doesn’t care about his own life half as much as he cares about Xiao Qi. Cue a mournful soliloquy! There is no way a man this broken about his brother’s death is going to try to kill said brother in the 13 episodes remaining (less, in fact, since they will not meet until 59 or 60 at the earliest). There would be no build-up! The only way I can see this happening is if Xiao Qi went against Song Huaien first and in a deeply personal way. Which we know he would never, so...

Wang Su makes a brave attempt at corralling Song Huaien’s grief and turning it to anger, for all that he may say that anger will not help anyone; it doesn’t work and self-blame enters the picture. If only I was with him leads to a startling realization: all those honors and the brand new posting were just a ploy. Now, this realization could lead to two different results. Song Huaien could plausibly become bitter towards Xiao Qi – because of whose very existence his own talents weren’t truly recognized and he himself became a pawn. But there’s nothing to suggest that’s true. It’s more likely for Song Huaien to turn his bitterness over his wounded pride towards the Empress Dowager in particular and scheming nobles in general. Which is what I think he does. There is also a possibility of guilt: he bought into this whole noble life fairytale… and this is what partially facilitated him being turned into a pawn. It may be just wishful thinking, but I expect that in the future Song Huaien will be more wary of unexpected meat pies falling from the sky, however tasty they may be.

Just a moment later Wang Su offers him a meat pie. He’s going to help him take revenge! And Song Huaien swallows it whole – at least for now. This is where a truly interesting thing happens. Song Huaien, a general in his own right, a true hero and a man who’s been acting as Wang Su’s equal while in Jiangnan… folds and takes to a subordinate position like a duck to the water. Tell me what to do, he seems to be screaming with his eyes. And when Wang Su starts to use the word we, there’s a palpable sense of relief in Song Huaien’s whole demeanor. What’s more, he’s not reacting to the idea that he still needs to jump through some hoops in order to become a Wang minion. I’m not sure you’re ready to become my ally, lies Wang Su, knowing very well Song Huaien’s is already in his palm. Where’s the ambition? Where’s the slightest sign that this man may be capable of going for the throne for his own sake and against his brother? I don’t see it!

The Wang family is used to needing to pay their allies in hard coin (or titles, or favours), that much is clear, because that’s what Wang Su tries next. The title of a count is too lowly, he says and then dangles a princely one in front of his victim. If Song Huaien was really as hungry for honours and wealth as some of us were expecting him to be, he’d be all over that. But he’s not. He gives it due consideration, but, if anything, this proposition seems to bring him back to reality. There are no free meat pies to be had and he’s just remembered that. But since this is the best – and likely the only – proposition/offer of help he’s going to get, he seals the deal anyway.

There’s still some reluctance, though. Why, Song Huaien needs to rationalize this decision by reminding himself that Wang Su saved his life and that there’s revenge to be taken since he’s alive (as Xiao Qi is not). Not very eager to take part in a coup, is he? And then he actually makes getting justice for Xiao Qi a condition of this alliance! Finding Awu is the second one, but as I’ve already said, there seems to be no romantic intentions there.

And that’s it, the deal is done. So now, can anybody tell me how is this Song Huaien supposed to go against Xiao Qi? He’s more likely to go for a hug once he sees him alive!

There is no reasonable way to leave in Song Huaien’s conflict with Xiao Qi. There’s just no time and no real build-up to that! The only way to have him go rogue is to have a timeskip with Song Huaien doing a 180 in the meantime. And somehow I just can’t see it happening. But I guess we’ll have to see about that!

#SONG HUAIEN IS A GOOD BOY #it's not just because his hair looks nice I swear #I'm not that shallow or am I #the rebel princess #monarch industry #rebel princess meta #this is kinda long

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twoidiotwriters1 · 4 years ago

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Déjà Vu (Or are we losing our minds?) IX -Modern!Shirbert

Words: 2,967

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Chapter Nine: Captain Shirley and Prince Blythe.

Try not

forget me.

Gilbert woke up with the sea breeze hitting his face, the rotten fish also accompanying him on this journey, though he had no time for feeling sick, he had to find his way to Captain Shirley's room. It was easy if we were talking about finding it, harder if you take into account the fact that no one else could see him enter.

Why was he doing this in the first place? Easy.

Captain Shirley was the most vicious human to ever sail across the seven seas, and she had stolen something valuable from Gilbert's father, who was none other that the King of Prince Edward Island. Gilbert, being the impulsive young prince he was, decided to infiltrate the lines of this redheaded pirate in order to retrieve his father's treasure and take it back to safety.

There was a slight issue with this plan, though. Gilbert was infatuated with Shirley, and each day on that ship only meant a day more closer to irrevocably fall in love with her.

As he silently moved through the dark and cold night, Gilbert heard most of the tripulation downstairs, getting drunk or loudly snoring on their hammocks, he saw the dim candle light coming from the door in front of him, and he quietly opened it.

That was it, all he had to do was to kill the Captain and take back his father's crown back to where it belonged. He entered, the enticing smell of wine and dry flowers filling his lungs, he tightened his grip on the dagger he was holding and urged himself to move forward.

There was a curtain dividing one corner of the room, it looked light and thin, and the shadow of Captain Shirley was delicately drawn across it, she appeared to be laying on some kind of fancy bed for one, though he could hear a strange noise similar to moving water coming from it.

As he stepped closer, he heard her low breathing, and confident that she wouldn't wake up on time to avoid her imminent ending, he decided to take a moment before ending her life.

However, as he peaked through one side of the fabric covering her bed, Gilbert's eyes widened in disbelief. He didn't know how he managed not to scream, or even fall to his knees and cry, begging God for mercy and forgiveness after what he saw:

Captain Shirley was indeed fast asleep, but she wasn't on a bed, she was on a wide bathtub, long enough so it could cover most of her body, water was spilling thanks to the movements that the ship suffered from the nightly waves, but down where her legs were supposed to be, all Gilbert could see was a fish tail.

But that couldn't be a fish tail, because it was attatched to a woman! Or that could not possibly be a woman, that had to be... a siren, a mermaid.

Gilbert's stomach churned in horror as he remembered the horrid tales he'd heard during childhood, but he also found comfort in finding the reason why his heart had fallen victim of this creature's looks. It was obvious now, no human could have eyes like hers.

Though he was terrified beyong belief, he took in at every little detail he could catch, it isn’t every day that you get to see a real mermaid:

Her hair looked like fire, one that could live underwater and swing back and forth under the tides, her skin was white and freckled, like a snowy field with dry leaves of its trees and bushes. Her tail, though intimidating and hard to get used to, was of a charming pale blue, like looking at an early sky forever reflecting on her scales.

In her body Gilbert found the elements coexisting and sharing their home within every inch. Could she really be considered a monster when all she was built of was pure beauty?

Deep and raspy voices from outside the room caused Gilbert to quickly found his way to the door, waiting against it ready for any sort of attack that never came.

"We do it tonight," Said one of the voices. "Captain Shirley's a good leader all right, but she ain't gonna last forever. Remember the rumors."

"Rumors are rumors," The other man replied. "Do you really believe that she's some kind of creature that will abandon us as soon as we get too close to Green Gables Island? Wake up, Sloane! Mermaids aren't real!"

Gilbert gulped, his eyes going back to the curtain covering Shirley's real identity.

"Creature or no creature, we're taking her out," the other growled, "she's bad news. Willy and I have taken a decision, and the rest agrees, we're getting rid of Shirley, she's cursed."

"You're just a filthy traitor, that's it! Don't think I believe your little story, we know you're angry because she refused your advances, you're desperate to show her a lesson, aren't you? Heh! She'll have you begging for mercy in no–"

There was a sudden wrestling sound between the two man and a body crashing against the very same door Gilbert was standing, he prayed for Captain Shirley to be a heavy sleeper.

"I'd keep my opinions to myself, Jerry boy, if you don't want to end up at the bottom of the sea, sharing the same fate as our captain... she may give you a nice treatment, but I assure you, sirens get cranky when they starve."

Gilbert listened as Jerry pushed his way out of Sloane's grip and waited until they sounded far away. They were going to kill the captain and this had nothing to do with no curse, it was merely about a man having no honor, but what could he expect from a pirate?

New plan, he was going to search for the crown and then leave the rest to the tripulation, surely the mutiny was the perfect excuse in case some objects went missing from the Captain's room.

Something was bothering him though, and it was his moral compass.

Was he really going to let the tripulation kill her like that?

Well you were going to kill her moments ago, He thought bitterly.

Drowning in uncertainty Gilbert got closer to the bathtub, watching her lay there with her eyes closed. Only then he realized she was fully naked, he hadn't processed it since the fish tail was far more distracting, the scales only reach her sides and covered some parts of her chest, but she still had a human chest. Embarrassed and overwhelmed Gilbert turned around and weighed his options.

He could walk out of there with his father's treasure and never look back, or he could help the woman that was known across the world as this wickedly intelligent, viciously skilled pirate, survive the mutiny and have a new helping hand on his side that would assure him to return home safe and sound.

He convinced himself that this was a matter of clever negotiation and nothing else. No feelings of attachments whatsoever.

So he woke her up.

"Captain?" His voice came out weak and fearful, so he tried again. "Captain Shirley!"

Her eyes snapped open, quickly grabbing the gun that was hidden on the side of the tub Gilbert couldn't see. He flinched and closed his eyes, ready to get killed, but nothing came.

He opened his eyes and found the gun very close to his nose, the Captain's hand was unwavering and her eyes resembled the most vicious of hurricanes.

"What are you doing?" She asked in a low, dangerous voice.

"Good evening, Captain," Gilbert gulped, raising his hands in surrender. "I'm her to save you."

“Save me?" She let out sarcastically. Not even caring that he'd found her in such a vulnerable state, if anything, now that she was awake Gilbert was having a hard time trying to remember why did he ever thought she ever needed help.

"Sloane and company are planning a mutiny, they’ll attack later tonight and if you don't follow me they'll kill you."

"Oh, please," She replied. "Are you really expecting me to believe that, boy?"

"I'm only telling the truth," He frowned. "I can't do anything to convince you besides maybe the fact that I'm holding a dagger, like you can clearly see, and I didn't try to cut your throat before waking you up, did I?"

"No, because you're not that stupid," He felt a sting of annoyance at her retort. "Sloane's been on this ship for years, why would he try to kill me now?"

"I heard him speak to Jerry... he uh– I think his interests may be a bit... compromised… after the last talk you two had."

Shirley wasn't one to blush at such bold statements, not from embarrassment anyway. However, anger was a whole different thing. Her face shifted from understanding to tension, to a new calculating glare.

"I don't know you," She tightened the grip on her gun. "This is not the way men like you are meant to act. Who are you?"

"Men like me?" He asked back.

"Pirates," She spat. "In all my years of leading the Cordelia, no man has ever showed a glimpse of decency. Let alone to a woman they barely know."

"You're my captain," He replied in confusion. "Aren't I supposed to respect you?"

She blinked, her frown only increasing as her tail swung to a side, leaving the water and filling the room with a splashing noise. Almost instantly two perfect and fuctioning legs were hanging from the edge of the tub, and now she looked definitely naked to him.

Gilbert turned around instantly, the Captain let out a short and charming laugh.

"Boy you do not turn your back when someone's holding a gun in front of you!" She exclaimed. "You must be truly too new in this scene, why in the hell are you mingling with pirates?"

"Why is a siren leading them to victories?" He still has his back to her. "Aren't you supposed to... uh..."

"Finish that sentence, boy."

"I would rather not to," He said quietly.

He didn't hear her move, but somehow she'd circled the tub and was now standing in front of him again (thankfully now wearing a silky robe to cover her human form), the gun finding its way to his chest, and the cold metal causing him to jump back.

"I said," She repeated calmly, "finish that sentence."

"I'm sorry, Captain," He started, trying not to sweat. Were mermaids capable of hearing a man's heartbeat? "My father used to tell me stories about the sirens and their... unusual habits."

"Unusual indeed," She smirked. "All true as well."

Okay, now he was scared.

"All those treasures, all those stones you humans keep like they belong to you…” She started, “They all come from nature, and some of them belonged to us first. Some of my peers decided that eating the humans were the easiest way to get rid of you but you’re smart enough to learn not to repeat past mistakes. Soon enough you were avoiding our islands, and we were abandoned to our luck by our rulers. I'd had enough, if you can fight it, you can at least learn to control it, so I did.” Her eyes had a bit of sadness in them that she quickly covered with her usual glare.

"Sloane knows what you are, he’ll kill you…"

"Sloane was an accident," She frowned. "That nasty rat! Thought that after all these years under my protection he had at least a bit of loyalty towards me, but you humans have flimsy minds and those pesky emotions... I should've seen it coming, you're all liars. He got obsessed with who I really was and when I told him I cannot have those human feelings I guess he took it as an insult. Men are completely empty-headed.”

He was certainly insulted by this, but she still had her gun pointing at him so he decided not to make any comments.

"Why are you helping me?" She asked. "If you, like Sloane, are expecting to gain my favor..."

"No," He quickly responded. “It’s… it’s true, I'm not a pirate. I’m not like them.”

The hand holding the gun lowered, but only by half an inch.

"What are you?"

"I'm the son of King Blythe."

She froze in place, her eyes widening in shock and then... she laughed. She laughed and lowered her gun, walking away from him.

"A Prince!" She said in amusement. "Are you trying to teach dear father a lesson? Is this your way of showing him you’re not just a boy?"

"You stole his crown," He replied with more courage than the one he actually felt. "I'm here to take it back."

"So you were going to kill me," She smiled. "See? All of you, liars."

"I'm not!" He defended. "Listen, just give me the crown, we can make a deal."

"I don't make any deals with fake royalty," She eyed him up. "A human prince comes into my ship and demands I give him back the treasures his people stole from others. Not only that, but he promises he won't kill me if I cooperate! How charming must be, to have such an empty and conceited mind…”

Gilbert was about to answer when a lamp was thrown into the room through one of the windows, shattered glass spread across the floor along with flames and Shirley's mouth fell open in outrage.

"I told you!" Gilbert yelled in irritation. "We've lost precious time! It's too late now!"

"Get out of my way!" She yelled over the banging sounds her former men trying to break the door. She ran over to where her sword was and took it with her dominant hand while the other held her gun expertly.

"You're gonna need my help!” Gilbert insisted.

"Oh please, pretty boy," She scoffed. “You know nothing about me."

"I've done proper training, I can fight!"

"You won't last!"

"You have no one else!" They were shouting at this point, the door was going down splinter by splinter and lightining was falling from the sky, announcing the callous storm. "Give me a sword!"

"You'll kill me!" She replied. Her hair was still damp and every time she moved tiny drops would land on Gilbert's clothes. "I won't die like this!"

"I won't kill you if you give me the crown!" He growled. "You can keep everything else, I don't care for it! You're right, we steal, that's all we do, but I need that crown before winter!"

"Why?!"

"Because the King is dying!"

A harsh bang and one of the handgrips fell. The fire was spreading quickly and it was her against everyone on that ship. That could easily change though, she just had to trust the prince. Shirley groaned in frustration and ran over to were she kept her extra weapons, when she came back, it was with a second sword that she offered to him hastily.

"I'm going to regret this," She grumbled.

The door finally gave in, and as the dust and storm made its way into the room, she asked him:

"Ready, Prince of Blythe?"

"Yes," He lied.

As a large group of men ran into the room holding swords, guns, and knives, a dazzling lighting turned everything white, blinding him briefly.

____________________

Gilbert woke up.

Outside his room a second thunder caught his attention, there was a storm outside but he'd forgotten to close the window before going to bed and now the breeze was hitting his face fully. He got up, slightly dizzy from his sleepy state and with the memories of his dreams making everything confusing.

He touched his desk on his way back as if to make sure he was in his real room. The light from the street illuminated the place where Gilbert had been sleeping moments ago. Half of his covers were a little wet from the time the rain started and he was knocked unconscious by all the time he'd spent walking around town with Winne.

He pulled the covers out of his bed and left them on the floor, Mary would certainly be pissed the next morning if those covers ended up smelling, but he was too tired to care, he'd wash them later.

He crawled his way back and fell heavily on his pillow, the smell of dry roses raising like a faint reminder of this other world, this other life he'd shared with this striking redheaded pirate.

"The mermaid…” He mumbled, half asleep. His eyes widened, Gilbert sat up abruptly and repeated, this time in a much more shocked tone, “Pirate!"

____________________

"I'm..." Anne mumbled, half asleep. "I'm... Pirate!"

Her eyes opened lazily in the dark, her own voice had woken her up though she didn't remember what she'd said. In her phone the time said four in the morning and the sound coming from her window told her it was raining outside. It was too dark to see anything but what the lightning showed her from time to time whenever it blasted across the nightsky.

Anne sighed in contentment, this was her favorite weather to wake up to apart from that early morning bliss she could get from hearing the birds singing outside on the cherry tree every summer. What a treasure it was, to be able to experience these kinds of sounds and smells, and colors. How sad that the king wouldn't get to witness those in the near future...

Anne frowned as she caught her own thought. What was she talking about?

Her dream of course! -She turned once more on the bed, hiding under the covers- She's not going to remember all this tomorrow, of that she's sure… but what a nice dream though, the Prince was specially endearing.

Taglist.

@ninizkd @http-itsrebecca @fuckthisshitimoutyall @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @little-boats-on-a-lake @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual

#twoidiots writing #anne with an e fanfic #anne with an e #anne shirley x gilbert blythe #anne shirley cuthbert #Gilbert Blythe #awae #shirbert #shirbert fanfic #DV fic

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linkspooky · 5 years ago

Note

Oh! Top 5 Kimetsu no Yaiba characters?

I only have four characters I’d truly call faves from Kimetsu no Yaiba, but let’s go!

1. Doma - “Human emotions are nothing to me, like mere dreams…”

Every time someone claims that Doma is the only demon without a tragic backstory I want to fight them. Apparently most people think that children who grow up in cults aren’t traumatized at all and grow into rational and well-adjusted adults.

Doma is a character who shows no signs of empathy. However, he was a character who was never taught or shown any signs of empathy before. By the time he was an indpendenent adult he gave up on understanding it. Doma despises the cult, but it’s telling that he always stays there because it’s truly all he knows. He laughs at the people who come to the cult to distract themselves from the misfortunes of their life, but Doma too stays with the cult as a distraction for how empty and small his own life is.

Doma really was too mature for a child, but also too immature as well. He was forced to grow up too fast because neither of his parents actively wanted to parent him. People act like he’s a born sociopath for being observant enough as a kid to notice that the all the adults who entered into his life were only there to use him. Kids are sharper than you expect, but also duller as well. Doma never realized that life was any different outside of his environment. He stayed in that childish mindset forever, and egocentric little kid who only saw himself first and foremost. That’s not the thinking of a sociopath, it’s the thinking of a child, children can’t imagine viewpoints other than their own because they haven’t developed empathy yet.

There’s this assumption that people are either born good empathic people, or they’re not, but empathy is a quality that’s developed and learned. It was almost natural Doma became a demon by the end because not a single person in his life treated him as a human. Yet, despite reveling in being a monster Doma is still desperately searching for some meaning in his life too. He wants to have friends. He wants to feel the same way that other people. Even if it’s just a hollow imitation on his part, that was something in his lifetime but never got even up until the end. Doma’s this tragedy of empathy, because all he ever wanted was to feel the same way that everyone else did, to have the same connections they did, but because he was so isolated he only destroyed every small chance he did have at learning to empathize with another person.

2. Shinobu -“Yes I’m angry, Tanjiro. I’ve always been angry.”

I think Shinobu is interesting because she’s a bad person. I wish people would stop trying to paint her as a wholly good person who was loved by everyone around her. Shinobu’s character introduction is going out of her way to unnecessarily torture a demon for fun, and her attitude implies she has done this before. Torture is a universally bad thing, even if you’re doing it to a bad person.

I’m not trying to moralize Shinobu. I think she’s much more interesting this way, as a fundamentally flawed person. A cracked vase that can never truly be full. Yes, Shinobu is loved by a lot of people, but she’s also fundamentally unable to receive that love. She’s stopped living a long time ago, part of her stopped when her aprents died, and she gave up when her sister died. If Kimetsu no Yaiba were a more morally complicated story, Shinobu existing for the sole purpose of revenge would not be treated as a good thing. It’s an empty way of living, and the only thing Shinobu can do to keep living is to cling to all of the ugly and negative emotions inside of her.

The most interesting version of Shinobu is just rotten at her core, because she’s let the rot sink in and fester, because she doesn’t want to let go of her anger towards demons. It’s rare female characters are allowed to be filled with such ugly emotions, or allowed to express them in terrible ways. Shinobu plays games at being a healer, at being a person capable of nurturing like her older sister, but it’s just an empty imitation that falls flat. Shinobu at least in regards to herself doesn’t want to heal, she doesn’t want to get better, she wants to stay wounded forever so she can keep taking out her pain on the demons around her.

I like to think that when she summoned up a hallucination of her sister in her final moments to encourage herself, that was entirely a fabrication on her part. Shinobu wanted to imagine her sister who once told her to just quit the Demon Corps and find a way to live and be happy was just as angry as she was. Shinobu’s delusion of Kanae is a sister that validates her and tells her that she has to be angry, that she has to stand up and fight again, that there’s strength in this. And that’s exactly it, Shinobu at her very core wants to be strong. She hates being powerless and weak. I think Shinobu is at her best when her anger isn’t righteous. She doesn’t want to protect others - she wants to feel strong.

3. Iguro Obanai - “I want to defeat Muzan and die. I hope that will cleanse my corrupted blood. If we reincarnate as humans in a world without demons I will definitely tell you that I love you.”

I like how Iguro is nasty, and unpleasant, and also mean to the main character for really petty reasons. Shinobu’s trauma is easier for a lot of people to swallow because she doesn’t show it, she just puts on a mask of being nice and people buy into that mask. Iguro even though he wears a physical mask over his mouth is less good at hiding his disfigurement.

Iguro’s very traumatized and he acts that way. He’s anti-social. He’s withdrawn. He doesn’t get along well with others. He’s prone to violent outbursts. The scars left with Iguro are so deep they’re permanent. And I believe it’s because down to his core, Iguro believes himself to be a bad and selfish person for surviving while half of his family died, and thinking only of himself with his escape.

It’s not really his cursed blood that Iguro wants to escape from, but rather his trauma. He can’t find a way to live with his truama or accept himself so he seeks some escape with it by suicidally charging into battle. And that’s another thing that speaks to the permanency of his scars. Iguro is deeply in love with one person, but he can’t admit, or accept that love because he views the current iteration of himself as so unlovable.

He can neither give or receive love, and yet there’s some small part of Iguro that wants to heal. He wants to feel okay again. I think there is a part of Iguro that is very selfish. The way he acts towards Mitsuri isn’t really romantic, his protectiveness and jealousy are signs of entitlement. However, the thing is traumatized people do end up feeling entitled to happiness. Iguro’s so terrified of losing Mitsuri because she’s the one good thing in his life, and because of that he’s unable to love her in a healthy way.

Even if Iguro’s given up on himself and decided that he’s poison, unlike Shinobu I see that there’s some part of Iguro that genuinely wants to heal. He wants to feel like a good person, he wants to find someway to continue living, its just he thinks it’s impossible for him to. Iguro’s desire to die and be reborn is so compelling that I actually want to see him live and be forced to deal with the prospect of his slow healing rather than getting his wish to be redeemed by death.

4. Sanemi Shinazugawa - “My Nemi is the kindest…”

Tanjiro as a character is kind in a way that’s easy to digest. When he’s angry it’s always righteous anger. His kindness never becomes a difficult. Tanjiro never does anything that’s difficult to swallow. That’s okay, but it’s also not that deep.

Sanemi’s kindness and his anger are both a part of him. His cruelty does not detract from how kind he is, his kindness doesn’t excuse his cruelty. Sanemi is driven to act cruel, to be merciless, to be vicious not because he doesn’t care about people but he cares too much and the loss of almost everyone he’s loved in his life disfigures him permanently.

Sanemi is a little kid who hunted demons all on his own for years by letting them fight him until he bled. He always fights by intentionally harming himself, hence why he shows his scars at all time and makes no attempt to hide them. Sanemi as a person is damaged to his core, but he still retains that kindness because it’s a part of who he is.

Sanemi is angry because he’s kind. He’s violent because he’s kind. He’s so afraid of losing others again, the only way he knows how to be with them is to protect others from afar. Sanemi thinks he can abuse his brother, but as long as he protects him from demons from a distance it will all be okay in the end.

What I like about Sanemi’s narrative is that it wasn’t. His actions ended up hurting his brother far more than helping him, the more distance he put between them, the more Genya threw himself into harm to get his brother to acknowledge him. At the end everything Sanemi did to protect him amounted to nothing, and Sanemi is the one protected and comforted by his brother when he should have been the one taking care of him. I think the author rushed to the tragic ending rather than letting the characters developed to get there, but still there’s an interesting choice that Sanemi is the one to survive and not Genya. Sanemi who has always wanted to just go off and die somewhere eaten by a demon while his brother gets to live happily. Now Sanemi’s never going to fix things with that brother, and nothing he can do will make up for what he did to Genya. However, he still has to find a way to keep living for himself. Watching broken people trying to find a way to keep on living is the primary reason why I read fiction in the first place.

#spooky speaks #Anonymous #sanemi shinazugawa #iguro obanai #doma #shinobu kouchou

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lynyrdwrites · 5 years ago

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kc + all the good girls go to hell // billie eilish

I’m not entirely happy with this, but it’s what I could put into words. Takes place in the “Life After Rapture” ‘verse.

---

Caroline hadn't been raised particularly religious. It was part of the reason she hadn't been all that surprised that she had been left behind on Earth during the Rapture. And really, it had ended up not so bad for her, all things considered.

But she had been raised with a certain set of morals.

Yet somewhere, between being hired by the Anti-Christ and falling in love with him... she worried those morals had been lost. Not that she went around killing people randomly, of course. That was messy, and involved paperwork... and the whining. God, the whining.

And that was where the problem was - these days, she found herself being anti-murder, not because it was wrong, but because it meant extra work, and wasn't there something pretty wrong about that.

"You've been distracted, Love."

Klaus' voice was warm in a way it only ever was for her. For the rest of the world, he was cruel and careless. He only showed mercy if Caroline requested it, and she found herself doing that less and less out of the goodness of her heart, in a way that was kind of worrying.

And Klaus clearly wasn't happy with the way she kept letting her thoughts distract her from his presence, because he nipped her neck hard enough to make her yelp and glare at him out of the corner of her eye as he pressed a soothing kiss to the poor, abused spot.

"Pay attention, Caroline. You'll miss the best part."

"You know, we both have work to do," she muttered, even as she reached back to run a hand through his curls, and tilted her head a bit, so he could have better access to her neck. She loved the way he kissed her there, and the damn Devil knew it.

"I know the boss. I'll excuse us."

She smiled, but it felt a little strained. Because half her mind was still on the thoughts that had been troubling her dreams lately - thoughts of how her morality was becoming twisted, and did that mean she was twisted too?

"You're distracted." Klaus sighed, and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "This isn't fun if you're not fully involved. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Caroline replied, pasting a bright and incredibly fake smile onto her lips. "Just thinking about a problem Finn handed over to me."

That seemed viable. Finn was always finding new problems to hand over to Caroline. She was pretty sure he took a twisted sort of glee in it. He might not be the Anti-Christ, but Caroline was pretty sure 'Evil' was a trait that really came from their shared mother more than the Devil.

Klaus just looked at her, and raised a brow. Her excuse was valid, but he wasn't buying it. So rather than try to lie again, she just shrugged, her thoughts a discomfort she wasn't ready to share, and climbed out of bed.

"Should I guess?" Klaus asked her back as she walked to the ridiculous walk-in closet that she had all but monopolized.

"No reading my mind," Caroline shot back, still not looking at him.

"I don't need to read your mind, Love. I can simply read you. In fact, it's really the only talent I've ever truly dedicated myself to perfecting. Even my art hasn't taken up so much of my time." Caroline rolled her eyes at his dramatics, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little bit charmed. Mostly because, dramatic or not, she knew that Klaus meant it. "You're not evil, Love."

"Sometimes, dating the Anti-Christ sucks," Caroline muttered, but she dropped the blouse she'd been holding to turn around and glare at him. "Finn really did toss me a problem the other day, you know. There's a group of idiots that have taken to carrying around flags with crosses and claiming that the reason they were left behind was to be God's warriors on Earth to take you out. And don't look at me like that - I took care of it Klaus. They won't be doing anything like that again. But I knew if I involved you, they'd be dead."

"They still could be," Klaus murmured, his eyes narrowing slightly in thought.

"No, they won't. Because you won't find them. Trust me."

"Fine" - Klaus waved that away, though Caroline suspected that they'd come back to it at some point. Klaus never let anything go that easily - "Please, tell me how saving some fools' lives makes you evil. I'm sure your logic will be fascinated."

"Because, when I was doing it, all I could think about was how much of a pain in my ass they were. And I had to keep reminding myself that the resulting paperwork if I did let you have them would be even worse." Caroline turned away from him again, but she didn't really see the closet. Instead, she remembered her dreams of her disappointed father. "It had nothing to do with the fact they were people and killing them would be wrong."

She didn't realize Klaus had joined her until he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. It was comforting, the weight and warmth of his arms.

"Elijah informs me that the group homes you created are up and running," he said after a moment. "It was a good idea to put Kol in charge of them. Annoying as he is, he's quite good with the equally annoying brats."

Caroline's brow furrowed at his words, trying to figure out the logic in the topic change. She had put Kol in charge of creating group homes for the minors left behind in the Rapture because the rest of his family treated him as the reckless daredevil who had nothing to offer. She had known he would be good for the lost souls that had been left behind by their parents in favor of the Heavens, and some solid responsibility had calmed Kol's habit of annoying Klaus near constantly. Win all around.

"I'm glad, but I think I'm missing the point."

"You created those homes because you saw lost souls that needed them. And you gave the responsibility to Kol, because you recognized that he was a lost soul too, when the rest of us simply wrote him off." Klaus pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Don't judge yourself based off your reaction to a bunch of self-righteous evangelicals who can't accept that their way of doing things went against what their precious God stood for. Judge yourself based off of that. Besides, you conscience will never be rotten as mine."

Caroline snorted, because there weren't many people worse than Klaus. But his words gave her some comfort, and she turned in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck to kiss him.

"You're not as awful as you claim. That was almost sweet. You softie."

"Only for you, Caroline." He kissed her again and grinned. "Now... back to bed?"

She pulled away and retrieved her blouse with a laugh, tugging it on.

"Sorry, my attack of conscience stole our time together. Three... two..."

And right on schedule, Finn gave three sharp knocks on the door, because you could always set your clock by Finn Mikaelson. Klaus groaned and flopped back onto the bed, and Caroline finished getting dressed, and listened to Finn's latest litany of problems through the door.

Maybe her morals had become a bit burnished... but this was a time after the Apocalypse. And she had better things to worry about than self-righteous hypocrites.

Unless they were named Finn Mikaelson.

#goldcaught #Klaroline #Klaroline fic

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ghostmartyr · 5 years ago

Text

SnK 127 Thoughts

“Let us speak for 46 pages about how we still don’t actually have any real plan, we’re just all very against genocide (except Magath and Yelena) and very upset and feel like we should be doing something.”

The characters are sort of doing my job for me this month.

Maybe this whole post should just be illicit screencaps from Crunchyroll with me providing links and saying, ‘and here’s the panel that makes the point I whined about in this post here.’

That would probably provide more entertainment than whatever I’m about to come up with.

-sees the amount of swearing in the first section-

Hm.

First off, fuck Magath.

Like no, I’m sorry. This is not about what happened 2000 years ago. You know what it’s about? It’s about Marley sending in child soldiers to assault and rob a land that had caused literally no problems for 100 years. It’s about Marley doing this despite being aware of its own history, being that their personal hero collaborated with the First King of Paradis to make Marley’s independence possible.

You want to talk about history, Magath?

Jean isn’t the one who sounds like a child.

Jean is reacting to actual pain that he has experienced in his lifetime thanks to Magath’s very intentional military strategies.

Magath is blaming Jean and everyone else on the island for being born.

That is not equivalent.

That is not remotely equivalent, and while Eren is being a fucking bastard about it, Jean’s right. Eren has the power, means, and will to do all of this because of what Magath and Marley did to Paradis.

Magath doesn’t recognize Eldians as people.

The Eldian Empire was bad.

No one except Floch is disputing that. That is how you know that it is bad.

Marley, as well as the rest of the world, has been free from the Eldian Empire for over a hundred years, and in that time, all they have done is take every horrible thing about the Eldian Empire and exploit it for their own gains.

Magath doesn’t get to be angry that he lives off the backs of abused, brainwashed children that he treats like crap.

Years ago, the Eldian Empire was the worst terror in the world.

A year ago, it was Marley.

Now, it happens to be Eren.

And you know, I’ve been actively against pretty much everything Eren’s done. His plan, if he has one, has mostly managed to make everyone angry and get a lot of people killed who weren’t even involved in the beginning. He gets his head blown off close enough to his brother that he doesn’t die. That’s how the beginning stages of him committing genocide goes. He betrays his friends, makes his besties from childhood feel like crap, and honestly has just been a dick to pretty much everyone.

But at least Eren’s indiscriminate murder has the decency to actually be indiscriminate.

Marley takes children it despises and turns them into their willing slaves for the promise of a better life they have no intent of dispensing. They take these children, and full of hatred for the very ability, demand that they shorten their lifespan and murder people to prove that they’re a “good Eldian” who deserves to live.

Marley is why people can stomach rooting for Eren.

Because Marley is such an abomination that it almost feels worth it to destroy the world if it means Marley’s gone too.

Hell, I’m with Hange. There’s not an avenue where I accept genocide as a way to deal with any of this.

But if someone wanted to burn Magath alive, and we spent a dozen pages gloriously detailing his flesh curling off his bones, it would make me happy.

That’s a more dignified death than he’s given any of the children he’s forced into Marley’s wars.

He does not have the fucking moral high ground.

He's the one Jean should have punched. There is not a single person around that campfire that he has not damaged deeply, and noticing that Gabi is a little girl and he cares when she is in pain does not magically remove that.

Fuck Marley. Fuck Magath.

Grow the fuck up and stop viewing genocide as an acceptable response, you fucking halfwit child. You are the individual who saw four children off on their solitary mission to murder thousands of people. Two of them are dead. Two of them are deeply traumatized, with one of them wishing he had died.

But oh yes, Magath. You’re the victim, here.

Because you baited one angry idiot with the power of a god into destroying part of a city you didn’t give a damn about.

Truly, your justice is a thing to aspire to.

Perhaps Eren taking notes is the real reason we’re here.

Motherfucking fuck I hate Marley. I hate that Eren’s put any of these characters in the position where they have to put up with this shit for the sake of civility. I don’t have a problem with the Warriors. I don’t have a problem with the Survey Corps. I don’t have a problem with the kidlets. Hi Onyankopon, sorry about your life. Yelena has many problems, but she’s also attractive, so I don’t mind as much.

Magath, though.

Pieck, just eat him. Everyone’s too depressed to really throw down over it at this point, and the two small ones are so deeply traumatized that one more body really isn’t going to make much of a dent.

Jean’s clearly the star of this chapter, and a good deal of that comes from the potent hopelessness hovering over him like a rain cloud.

He can point to how bad everyone is at talking things out like it’s the key to the entire mystery, but the long list of problems Jean offers at the beginning of the chapter are still present. Unless they have a way to talk to every person in the world out of their (at this point, rather justified) fear and anger, Paradis and Eldians around the world are very much screwed.

Paradis has forever been running out of time against the hatred the rest of the world has for them.

They do have to fight against what Eren’s doing, and talking instead of blowing each other’s heads off is a good start, but it’s a good start thousands of years after the worst possible one.

And the last time they tried to talk to Eren, Armin punched him, and that was the most productive thing to come out of it.

Jean being the everyman who recognizes the heart of an average person because he is one has been a great tool. It’s still great, here. He wants to close his ears to all of this. He wants, desperately, to run away, because there is no good solution that doesn’t end in death.

When he joins the Survey Corps, they at least have Eren as a brand of hope. They can believe that years of the same tactics and bodies piling up won’t end the same way.

Joining this squad is all about stopping Eren, and despite having figured out their next course of action, no one has yet to provide a real idea.

Genocide is wrong, so you stand up and try to stop it.

That’s the only plan they have.

The Scouts from Paradis don’t even have the promise of saving the people they love if they stop Eren. Annie, Pieck, Gabi, Reiner, Falco... they have a home. The world might forget to hate them. They might get to go home and have a life after this.

The people sitting on the other side of the fire are fucking screwed. They’re fighting entirely for their principles.

...Also Yelena is here.

I do like Yelena.

She’s not the worst, because this manga has too many horrible people in it, but she’s delightfully terrible. I especially like how the fact that she’s actually from Marley hardly gives her any pause.

I do so like Yelena.

It’s a beautiful sentiment.

After all, everyone’s drunk on something.

If you can just save the world, what does the rest matter? What do the crimes that kept you awake at night mean, when you’ve accomplished something so miraculous? All the good deeds cleanse the rottenness, and maybe then the world rights itself and you can breathe again.

...Hey wait, where’s Reiner’s reaction shot to finding out Gabi killed Sasha?

...Did he even know Sasha was dead?

But I guess we’re doing Marco angst.

Wow. Marco angst in 2020.

I think my favorite thing about this chapter (outside of the fact that Mikasa still hates Annie and it makes me giggly because wow Mikasa) is that Annie does absolutely nothing while Jean’s beating the crap out of Reiner.

My less favorite thing is I’ve stopped enjoying Reiner getting the crap beaten out of him. It’s been done, and... really the kid just needs to have not been born into this particular life. Watching Jean beat him bloody is. not cathartic. It’s really just awful.

Annie dodging with her food is glorious, though.

Because while Jean beating up Reiner over Marco is sad and kind of miserable, Annie watching someone beat up Reiner after the years she spent putting up with Reiner and Bertolt brings it back to almost funny.

Until you look at Reiner’s face and go back to feeling bad.

-turns page back to Annie getting out of the way-

Much better.

Truly, I love Annie.

Her forgiveness status is interesting, though. I think besides Marco, she enjoyed more of the kills she’s responsible for than anyone feels a need to dig up.

She’s also been more alone than most of the others in the wagons, and essentially spent four years imprisoned for her crimes.

I’m not surprised she asked, because she’s Annie, but I’m a bit surprised we don’t have an answer yet. Probably too close to the end of the chapter to open up that can of worms.

If it makes everyone feel better, I think we know for a fact that Mikasa will never forgive Annie for anything, even if it only displays itself as petty brandishing of weapons every time they make eye contact.

It’s not even a ship thing.

I just love that Annie is the one person Mikasa can’t stand. They’ve been in one chapter together and Mikasa’s already pulling out swords. These two shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near each other. It’s perfection.

Then we get to plot complications that really don’t register as complications because like. Yeah, you guys need something to do while you figure out what the hell you’re doing.

Because you don’t actually have a real plan, just so we’re clear.

Killing Eren would result in all those Wall Titans operating under their own power.

That is not fundamentally less destructive.

Killing Eren has a nice ring to it, but much like talking to Eren, it does not solve any of the other problems looming ahead.

So you enjoy your little subplot with Floch!

It’s one of the last times your combined competence will have any meaning.

-looks over at Kiyomi-

Honest question, but why are you alive if Floch dislikes you enough to hold you hostage? If Eren’s gonna kill everyone, shouldn’t Floch be following suit and just do his Floch thing of murdering every slight inconvenience?

We’re in the boring stages of the finale right now.

No clear plan for either side to contend with. No real progress in any direction because the tiny squabbles are just a delaying tactic for the massive squabble that no one has an answer to. None of any of this chapter really matters except for clearing the air.

Which is not a useless investment, it’s just not very exciting.

At this point, no excitement is allowed, because there’s that One Huge Thing, and the entire story hinges on it. Maybe someone will die on the way to dealing with it, but that’s all the drama we’re going to get until we find out enough about the plot to have a future worth rooting for.

Right now, there is no good outcome for the people we’ve watched fight for 127 chapters.

Pulling a story along with that weight is hard, and I can feel my brain turning itself off until we’re back to a point where the story is permitted to address the stegosaurus in the room.

One more month.

Again.

Until something happens and we all regret everything.

#Shingeki no Kyojin #SnK 127 #shingeki no spoilers #SnK spoilers #spoilers #tl;dr #chapter post #fuck marley

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nicodemusprewett · 5 years ago

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❝ I know I shouldn’t do it, I just do it, and what you think’s got nothing to do with it. Before you were born, I was already sinning. It’s not because the light here is brighter and it’s not that I’m evil, I just don’t like to pretend. ❞ NICODEMUS PREWETT looks a lot like that muggle, LORENZO ZURZOLO, right? Only a SEVENTH YEAR student, that GRYFFINDOR student is sided with the WRAITHS. HE identifies as a CIS MAN and is a PUREBLOOD. [ BEE/BEATRICE, SHE/HER, 22, EST ]

hello !!!!!! i’m bee !!!!!!! i LOVE exclamation points, if you couldn’t tell !!!! i’m super duper stoked to be writing nico. he’s kind of the worst !!! i promise i’m a lot nicer than he is !!! and i also have memes !!!!! if you hit me with a like, i’ll come plot with you !!! also pls bear with me on this intro. there’s no rhyme or reason to it.

aesthetic: silk ties. tweed blazers. crystal glasses. lies that flow from lips like honey. a not-yet-crowned king. the glint of white teeth behind a feral smile. naive rage. a powerful glare. pressed shirts. expensive cologne. cigarette smoke clinging to your clothes, your skin. a need for fine things. lush champagne. a flair for the dramatic. a storming temper. unlimited grandiosity. chaos-touched. perfect but rotten. a disregard for consequence. boyish charm.

rambly bits: ( mentions of child abuse )

— godless hubris

how do you know yourself ? all too well. you know you are sure, you know you are just. there is nothing wrong with you — in fact, you are probably as close to perfection as a wizard could get, and you truly believe that. your blood is pure, you are beautiful, you are capable. you have no flaws ( — none that see the light of day, or that others know of ) and that’s remarkable. you are sure you are going to be known in perpetuity. your name will be next to the greatest the wizarding world has seen. where can you go from here ? only up.

— righteous fury

is your fury yours ? or did you learn it ? orion lestrange gave you attention, and to get more, you listened to what he said. you gleaned his anger until it tasted like your own. suddenly, there was no good or evil, wrong or right. it was simple: what the wraiths said went. you are not one to question something that will bring you recognition, something that will bring you power. you will do what needs to be done to ensure the wraiths ( rather, and deep down you know it isn’t and has never been done for the wraiths, but rather for yourself ).

— hapless melancholia

you remember seeing the weasleys in diagon alley once when you were young. you made a careless remark that one of the children looked quite a bit like yourself. your father gripped your chin in his fingers and made for sure certain that you knew you were nothing like them. you thought little of them again until you saw them on the platform to leave to hogwarts. there were joyous shouts and gleeful exclamations. there were multiple kisses and tight hugs — unexpectedly, your heart ached. you thought you would get over it. you thought you would grow up and grow out of these … childish longings. instead, time went on, these feelings grew stronger. you would wake up, your chest heavy, feeling a desperation for something you couldn’t buy — you wanted to be loved. you wanted soft words and softer touches. you deserved those things, didn’t you ? if those ruddy weasleys had it, why couldn’t you ? this grief over lack of affection all too often turns to anger. you shake and you snap so easily — really, it should be no wonder why no one loves you.

— dark souls, ( dark ? ) dreams

nature and nurture are curious things. your nature ensured that you crave love, but your nurturing ( — rather, your lack thereof ) ensured that you were cruel and callous. your father was a nasty man, harsh and severe, and you learned from him how to be the same. after all, your ploys for attention included acting like him the best you could. you copied his mannerisms, his way of speech. it never did catch you his fondness, but it did warp you into someone unkind and severe. despite being dark, your dreams are lighter than you are in the day. there is love and there is warmth, and things are gentle and soft. but when you wake, you scoff. you’re not sure if you are angry that a part of you is so weak, or if you are angry that you don’t have these nice things.

— bitter glory

heavy lies the head that wears a crown. that won’t be the case with you. you will wear it with ease when you are finally king, you will not be stifled. you have one goal: to be king. what will you do to get it ? anything. you will give up your chances of being loved, you will rid yourself of the chains of being loyal to anyone else. if that causes you ache, this loss, so be it. some things are worth more than others.

wraiths:

— there is something so satisfying about being in charge of all the student wraiths. it’s a taste, more like a tease, of the power he could have once he is out of school. it feels so right, so fitting. but part of the draw to the wraiths had been orion. nicodemus had hoped ( had prayed ) that the man would be something more than his parents had been, something more than anyone in his life had been. it didn’t happen, though. orion offered him power, and the taste of it melted into his tongue sweetly, and that’s what is keeping him involved. tl;dr: are the wraiths right ? who is he to say. is he going to keep with them for the time being because he’s a power-hungry baby megalomaniac ? yes, one hundred perfect.

— his code name is viticomus, meaning adorned or crowned with vine-leaves.

— he has a rune because selling your soul at the ripe age of sixteen ( maybe seventeen, tba ?? ) was totally a good idea for him ! one of the best he’s ever had ! it’s for occlumency and it’s on the nape of his neck under his hair.

prophecy:

— the final betrayer. what does that mean ? nicodemus has wondered but he refuses to say anything certain to anyone. there are seemingly countless people he could betray. orion. his prewett relatives. himself. it leaves a strange taste in his mouth, wondering what it could mean. he doesn’t suppose he wouldn’t betray orion — for all the man had taught him, nicodemus still didn’t have the thing he wanted most — and should circumstances be right, it would be a hard choice. and the prewetts ? it could be argued that he’s already betrayed them, taking the label and beliefs of wraiths. but the last option worries him the most. it would be so easy. give up the things he wants, subject himself to a life that isn’t quite fulfilling.

plot arc:

— nicodemus knows that power is the key to adoration. now at the top of the wraiths, or at the very least, of the students ( maybe some of the adults, or at least in his mind, he is ), the lust for more is nearly palpable. he doesn’t just want it — he needs it. if he isn’t to get it, what has it all been for then ? he cannot wait for the respect, he cannot wait until his name strikes feeling into the heart of those who hear it. only then, will he be satisfied ( —or so he thinks ).

more rambles, less structure:

— can i just say: the duality of man ??? the lust for power, the need for love. these things typically don’t play together. for those who want power, they sacrifice love because the respect and fear they command replace it. sometimes being loving doesn’t command power. nico ( a note: no one calls him nico. it’s too informal, it’s too plebian, but for my sake while writing this intro, i will call him nico ) doesn’t quite understand this. he wants to be on top ( a need for a crown is overwhelming, and he’s only just begun tasting what kinghood is like, glints of power in his hands ) but he also wants to be loved. but does he know what love is ? probably not. he knows it’s in how you care for another person, a feeling that wells up in your chest, but i’m not sure he really knows how to love someone. he knows what it is to want and to lust, but love ? he’s never had it ! he wouldn’t know love if it smacked him in the face ! my poor emotionally-stunted, morally-skewed boy ! ( also i will acknowledge: the wraiths ? bad. nico ? Bad. not good people. not people you should aspire to be ! )

— and let’s talk about the weasleys ! what does he feel when he see them ? anger. jealousy. sadness. he could have been like them, if things were different. he could have known them. he could have been loved by them. and yet, none of those things are true. they’re practically all strangers, but he feels so much around them. for the most part, he hides it, behind snide words and an upturned nose. there is no getting close to them — first, he doesn’t know how to mend years of cruel behavior, but two, what if they turned him away ? for nico, feeling his own hurt and resentment as is is much better than risking getting hurt more.

— onion headlines that give me nicodemus vibes: “ i am the product of a single-nanny household ” “ wealthy teen nearly experiences consequence ” “ somebody should make a movie about my life ” “ i am lost in my own mansion ” “ report: income inequality most apparent during fifth-grade classmate’s birthday party ”

thoughts, few details:

— his parents hate each other and cheated on one another all the time as he grew up. are they a good example of a healthy relationship ? definitely not.

— he’s a scorpio. moody bitch.

— charms his hair brown now that he’s older to look less like a weasley, but can’t be bothered about the maintenance until someone points out he’s looking a little ruddy. the freckles, though ? he charmed them once and he ended up with like a thousand more and he won’t tempt fate again.

— would probably choke if someone liked him. probably ??? would think they’re lying.

— voldemort ? had good methods of control and fear-mongering. could nico be a better leader ? he believes so.

— his parents only had a kid out of obligation and not love. can we imagine the complex that gives a kid ?

— his parents supported voldemort back in the day. they still believed in pureblooded ideals, though, and nico grew up hearing them. this meant that the wraiths weren’t telling him anything he didn’t know when he was readying to join them.

— a note on this: orion tempted him with the allure of family. not pureblooded mania, not the scorn for anyone not entirely witch or wizard, but with family. they were both blacks, slight distance between them both, and blood together was a powerful thing. he had hoped this meant affection — he would have been over the moon at the smallest of fondness — but it seemed ( like voldemort himself — orion would be enthused at the comparison ) the older man was incapable of such.

— nico’s view of love DOES NOT equal real love. he’s dumb and wouldn’t know love if it hit him in the face.

— he thinks he should be loved. like, thinks people should be bowing at his feet, kissing his shoes. he thinks he’s more than deserving of it. how could he not be ?

— his full name is nicodemus vaughn prewett. he’s named after a dead relative. wizards love that.

#/ * about .#rev intros

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ruwithmeguys · 6 years ago

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You don't mind if I blabber on about Oliver and his Queen for a bit... do you?

AW THANKS!

I write a LOT of fanfiction. Even when I'm not writing I'm thinking about writing. I haven't even started looking at writing a novel yet BECAUSE Olicity are so freaking vocal in my thoughts right now. The thing I enjoyed about Oliver is that, at the start - at the very beginning when he was a grasshopper, a young man who looked kind of creepy in photos - he's actually a pretty normal guy, for the most part.

Prior to his shipwreck, he's an egotistical, horny, immature, ignorant, naive, manipulative player of a young man. Basically, he's your a-typical jerk who hasn't lived in the world yet or experienced much of anything at all beyond parties and money.

He's also lonely. Desperately lonely.

WHAT? OLLIE QUEEN, WITH HIS MOUNTAIN HIGH NOTCH-POST WAS LONELY? He had a family, Tommy and Laurel. Sara. Raisa. LONELY????

Yup. He was a very lonely boy. And he had zero clue that he was - he just knew there was something wrong with him. A hole inside him, a chasm he didn't know how to fill or close. Even with Tommy, he felt it.

It wasn’t a pleasant hole. It didn’t feel particularly nice. (But I think each of us has it inside if us; each of different strengths and tastes and for many, it transforms into maternal/paternal instincts or passionate drives... for a rare few it becomes something quite different. Oliver is the personification of one of those few).

It was why he didn't give a shit about breaking rules and hearts. Nothing was enough to fill this hole. It's no excuse for doing what he did and he knows that.(Again, it's been a long while since I truly watched prior seasons but I remember that when I did watch, there were a few things that stood out.) But he felt barren of care about it too.

He was a shallow creature. It wasn’t that he didn’t have anything but space between his ears: it was what he did with it (or didn’t do) that made him appear so very shallow. He distanced himself with it, made all the worse by how easy it was to be so empty. By how much he was allowed to get away with:

his mother loved him unconditionally. She knew he was behaving as a cad, but he was also her beautiful boy and could do no wrong. She didn't care that he played around or that he hurt people; she made those people disappear and he probably reminded her a little of Robert (Moira who lived like a woman who believed this kind of behaviour was the norm in men).

Robert loved him the same way. He advised but he never laid down the law, even when it was sorely needed; but this wasn't because of blind love. It was because of guilt, because of his many wrongs that would one day come back to bite his son.

Thea, who was a secluded section of Oliver's universe: he could do no wrong with her.

Laurel, who loved him blindly.

Sara who loved him because he was a shallow mess.

Tommy who was so similar to him.

They only helped enable his character - it wasn’t their fault, wasn’t even his fault; most don’t know who they are when they turn 20 - however unknowing they were. Moira Queen was the worst of it: she applauded his every move, smiled at his transgressions, taught him that he would be forgiven each time, that he would have refuge. It was almost as if she allowed herself to see the innocence of her husband as opposed to the infidelity, the deceit and the sheer insult of his MANY ill doings.

And so on...

Oliver didn't fit in. There's a reason why it was so easy for him to behave in such a self destructive way: yes, he hated himself for not being better, being smarter, being cleaner, being more. He thought he was worthless.

Why can't I stick to education?

Why is it so easy for me to lie?

Why don't I love laurel enough not to cheat?

Why is it so terrifying to even try to be a better man?

Why don’t I want things?

Why don’t I care?

Oliver saw it as being too weak, too bad, too cowardly to strive to be better. But he was afraid of trying and finding nothing there, inside him, worth knowing. He was afraid of himself.

Again, he also felt alone.

He lived the kind of life most dream of, but he didn't feel whole. There was something missing and it troubled him because he had everything? What was so wrong with him that he couldn't hack it even when he was handed everything on a literal silver platter?

Why was he so bored already with his life? Why didn't he care the way he should? Why was it when he was with Tommy and his mother and Laurel - why didn't he feel real with them?

Oliver, by 22, hadn't connected with a single soul; not really. Not truly. Not the way he needed. Sex? That's easy. Giving of thy body is so much easier than connecting with a person on an emotional level and revealing to them everything that you are. He understood physical pleasure very well; emotional satisfaction? It was beyond his reach.

Everything that Ollie believed he was back then wasn't worth knowing.

It was easier to:

Play the field

have fun

not think about troubling things

date his friend because it's the natural progression of friendships with females, right?

cheat

lie

fornicate

act like a dumbass for CNN and WEBG because it was entertaining and made him feel like he was relevant

do absolutely nothing and still receive the kind of unconditional love he knew he didn't deserve

Oh! And let’s not forget-

Go on a pleasure cruise with his girlfriend's sister when said girlfriend starts to talk about moving in together which is the last thing he'd ever want.

Hey! Since I'm a coward, why break the habit of my 22 years when I can just take Sara and let my relationship implode while I'm miles away balls deep in her hotter, more malleable sister who I've been screwing for the past three months behind her back? That way, it'll all be over when I come back and I can just spend the rest of my life avoiding her, feeling a marginal amount of guilt for it.

Golden. Sorted. Nuke planted.

Even Tommy thinks he's a BOSS - dude, screwing both sisters at once?

Even if one's LL?

ESPECIALLY since one's LL. Like no other guy has ever wanted to be in your shoes right now. Sara's HOT. I'm green with envy.

It's the perfect, perfect thing to do. Get out of dodge and let gossip do the hard work. She'll be half over it by the time they return, surely. She's better than he is, emotionally.

She's better altogether.

she's kinder

nicer

smarter

beautiful

a good friend

She's everything he should want but doesn't... he doesn't fit the norm his parents did.

(the norm where you love and marry but don’t quite love enough not to stray over and over again, creating illegitimate children who will feel the fallout in your staid, but Oliver is clueless about his parents)

He doesn't fit in the world LL was planning for them. He doesn't fit LL. He should want her, but he doesn't. The thrill is over; he dated his 'good girl next door' friend and it wasn't bad... but for some reason, it isn't him. She isn't him.

He isn't ANYONE. His identity is the jumped up playboy he's pretended to be over the years; pretended because, there's no joy in it for him. He get as many orgasms as he likes: what he enjoys is the deception. The fact that he can sink as low as he likes. The fact because he’s a rich bad boy, he can get away it.

It’s a game.

He loves her but he always had: she was his friend first after all...

Breaking the rules however? That feels very much him. And what a crappy thing to be feel right about. Being the bad guy feels right. There's no hope for him.

But he can pretend. So he does. He goes onto the Gambit and spends three days in bed with Sara Lance.

Then the ship capsizes. He looses Sara. His father. the boat. Any chance at returning home. Despite what happens over the next five years, it confirms things: he didn't loose them because of any bomb. he lost them because of who he is.

A cheater

Selfish

Manipulative

morally repugnant at his core

capable of dark acts

A bad guy

How else could he do and become the things he did and became over five years if, on the inside, there wasn't something inherently wrong with him?

How else could he kill and maim and plot and scheme and defame and destroy and conceal if it wasn't an extension of the badness within? The sinking of the Gambit simply revealed him for what he is. Slade knew that too. That's why Oliver killed him. To keep that secret, a secret.

There's no hope for Oliver Queen.

He doesn't deserve it.

Hasn't earned it.

His destiny is to sink deeper into the black...

But he accepts his father's last wishes because deep down, Oliver BELIEVES. And hopes. And if he does this, maybe he can be forgiven for what he did: for dooming Sara, for going on the Gambit. For being responsible for his father’s death who wouldn't have killed himself if not for Oliver, it's his fault he (and sara) were ship wrecked, it's his fault shadow died, his fault her father died... if he hadn't been selfish none of it would have happened.

If he hadn't been so rotten at the core, he'd have loved ll enough not to run away.

He wouldn't have corrupted sara

his father would have survived on the island and returned home

his mother wouldn't have lost them both

his sister would have a father

tommy would never know just how dark, how evil his best friend is

Quentin wouldn't hate him, wouldn’t become an alcoholic later

Oliver would never know the monster inside himself

The rest of him can't accept that there's any light at the end of the tunnel so his hope, his belief, is crushed inside a tiny box deep within the brittle rock encased around him. Hope is a bigger killer than self-hate.

Hope is a length of rope to hang himself with: it’s infinitely more terrifying than falling into black.

A cognitive dissonance forms; a fissure. A schism. There's half of him that's formed over the years away - something inside him that always existed - that he cannot accept, half himself he denies the light, denies to look upon. He hides it beneath a hood and calls it his mission, his mask.

But then he's back in Starling and-

FEELINGS, EMOTIONS, THOUGHTS, MEMORIES.

Attack. Attack. Attack.

Expectations. Nagging. Watching.

Love, hate, regret, guilt.

Shut it down. And he does... except he doesn't, because he's not a machine. He wishes he was. He wishes he could simply right his fathers wrongs and disappear forever without feeling a thing about it. But he's human. And humans need things because we're selfish and people were born to be with people. We need and grow and thrive with people.

And so does he.

It's difficult to keep his mask on because he's more human - more kind, gentle, loving, compassionate, selfless, hopeful - than anyone else. And yes, it was cultivated by his years away, but what human hasn't been made aware of the ugly truths of themselves in hindsight? It's 20/20 for a reason.

And LL-

Her hatred feels like relief.

He deserves to feel it, he's earned it and it's proof he exists. Proof he was loved. Proof that there’s SOMETHING to be redeemed. Proof that he was 'Ollie Queen'. A man who doesn't put on a hood to shoot arrows into people. He was once a guy who had a girl and treated her badly.

Then LL forgives him and the relief becomes hope.

Then she takes it away and he's back down the darkest hole. That’s fine. Both feel good. Both are toxic.

He doesn’t have to strive this way...

Not that he understands the wrongness of it all: he has no idea. He thinks relationships work this way; he thinks that people are pushed and pulled and hurt and hurt and hurt- it's like sandpaper over skin. It’s supposed to smart, isn’t it? That means it's real, right? He thought once that love was supposed to be like in the movies, was supposed to be deeper, was supposed to instil great strength in him but he was a fool

There's only LL

Only love he overestimated

only feelings of guilt and regret and shame

care

affection

memories

the past

She hasn't changed at all, except she's.. bitter. Wary. Distrustful. She doesn't smile like she used to, like she was FREE. He did that. He owns it. And she's made him own it, she's thrown at him. It's his fault after all. He should take responsibility. Let her hate him. It's only right.

He hates himself: pile it on. He KNOWS what hate feels like. Understands hate and anger and pain and grief and misery.

His mission comes first anyway, and it's easy to prioritise because it does FIT him. He feels more himself as the Hood than he does as Oliver. There are no lies there. Just the animal. The creature crafted over five years: Except he isn't all knowing and he needs help.

There's a face he remembers, a face he locked away, one he sees dreams sometimes but never acknowledges because it would mean... something. Keep it simple and clean. It just is what it is. A face... that made it easy to breathe.

...wasn't she an IT girl?

Maybe he should see someone else...

Except he's already looked her up because, again, her face stuck with him. A sweet face. A face he could manipulate if needed, right? That's the reason.

It wouldn't be a hardship to charm the information out of her. To flirt and play. Maybe he could date her. Sleep with her if he had to, he could.

Would.

So he walks into her office, willing to go any lengths and only a tad curious about whether his memory is as good at it seems and-

...oh.

Oh hello heart, it's been a while.

Suddenly he's very aware of every breath he's taking, of every thump in his chest. Of the way his lips are curving-

HE'S AWARE.

He's present in a room with a woman who's red lips, who quick wit, who's knowing and pretty blue eyes could keep him awake at night if he let them.

She's... funny. Without trying to be. And it’s genuine rather than forcing on a smile and laughing because he's supposed to. She's quick. Intuitive. Scarily perceptive and his plan to manipulate, coerce and excrete charm goes out of the window.

He's the one charmed. But he's got a job to do so he starts the lie and-

Of course she sees right through it. It was deliberately pathetic for a reason, part of the charm. Part of the manipulation. But it's not a flirtation: he just looks at her and stupidly says the words and he doesn't sound like an idiot. He sounds like he's testing her instead and-

She. Sees. Right. through. His. Bullshit.

He hoped she would, but not like this. I see your lie, but it's fine. I'll help you. You look like you need help.

He drops the fake. And. He. doesn't. care. at. all.

Doesn't even try to fight it.

Trusts it immediately.

Sits down behind her and watches her work... calculates. Plans-

No. He can't have it- it's wrong and indulgent and like sunlight in the dank, darkness of lian yu. He doesn't deserve it. Hasn't earned it-

Though he liked it. Wanted more.

He'd kill her.

Stay away.

And he does... for a while... until he doesn't, can't because INFORMATION.

Convenient.

Would it be so bad to have something, someone in his life that can shine a light? That can make him smile just once before he dies. Wrap her in bubble wrap. Keep her safe. From me. And then he can bring her in, at a respectable distance. One of the world's treasures kept safe by him.

He's no knight but it would be an honour.

He couldn't let her go alone and unsafe in the world NOW. Not now. Not after meeting her. Not after seeing the way her fingers twitch and twirl as her mouth curves around's words that make his mind whirl, that make his world tilt in very nice ways. Something about her lingered with him, always. A marginal comfort. Bringing colour into the dark.

He can look at colour.

He can look at light.

Maybe he'd be brave enough to touch it too. Maybe. one day. If he doesn't die, Which he knows he will so... there’s nothing to fear.

And ONLY if LL can forgive him because-

Because Felicity is so far beyond any of them: better, brighter, purer, kinder, and so much smarter than LL, than anyone... if LL can't have faith in him again, how could anyone as incredible as Felicity Smoak do the same-

Yet she does.

She saves his life, trusting his word when he's given her no reason to. I mean, what can he even do with that? That doesn't compute, he doesn't understand it. But he knew it was true without even giving it voice because he feels the same and how strange that is.

He's so damn thankful for it.

She's... willing.

She saved him. She didn't have to, but she did as he asked.

She knew... she knew he was liar, a killer and she still helped him.

She wants to be in his orbit - actually wants to be near a monster like him

She said only until they found Walter but she stayed...

She remained.

He can keep her.

Like his own personal sun, down in the dark basement. He doesn't deserve it, hasn't earned it... but she seems to think he has. If Felicity Smoak believes he's earned it, then who's he to deny or argue that point? Maybe there's hope yet.

She's good. Right.

She's everything he isn't: there’s a list, he likes it

She's never wrong

Even when she is, she isn't, I can attest to that

She trusts him for some reason

it's terrifyingly easy to trust her back

she slots in like a missing piece

she wants to help people, save people... more than he does.

She's patient with his many weaknesses and issues

he didn't need to explain why he killed people, why 'the violence'; she immediately compartmentalised

she doesn't make him feel like less for his violence, for the holes in his rotten soul

she's harmless

she's the most dangerous person to him, given her vocation... but it doesn't seem to matter

she's so smart, he's in awe of every word out of her mouth

when he isn't in awe, he's tickled

or bashful

or pleased

or puzzled

or grateful

...never guilty

she talks circles around them all and he never tells her how much he enjoys hearing her every word, even as she's flustered

especially when she's flustered

He can keep her close without her being close at all; a source of nourishment from some place far away- and she is.

Far away.

And he seems to start getting his ducks in a row.

Felicity encourages him to help people instead of just targeting names in a book and it feels good. Is this allowed? He's bonding with Thea. his mother FINALLY sees that placing expectations on him won't bring back the child she lost. And maybe... maybe he's not SO bad… after all...

Maybe he can heal the past by being everything he wasn't:

The good son

The admirable brother

the loyal best friend

the reluctant hero

the trustworthy boyfriend

But he's tired. And he hurts and when he's not trying to connect with someone-

Helena, McKenna

-he just WANTS TO BE FORGIVEN FOR SOMETHING. Even if he doesn't deserve it.

And abruptly she's right there: offering. LL. It's easy. Like wish fulfilment. And Tommy isn't biting. He's pushing them away, even when Oliver tries to get him to see the light because there's only so much Oliver can take of all these opportunities to lighten the load in his chest, on his shoulders and in his head.

He can make it work. He can be the Ollie he never was. The man they all miss. He can fix the past: he doesn't have to continue be the man who killed his father, who killed Sara and Shado.

He can be the Ollie who never went on the Gambit.

And so... when LL's feelings change, it feels like forgiveness. Like relief. He can try again.

She responds exactly how he knew she would because, deep down? He can read LL like a book. He can read her because she's easy to read: she loves him. He can see it clearly and just because he doesn't love her the way the storybooks tell you you're supposed to, doesn't mean he can't go back-

Except it's too easy to leave her in bed. Alone. To avoid her calls because- busy.

She may not come first now but once the Undertaking is over he can hide that part of himself and pretend it never existed. He can live, solely, for repentance and it doesn't sound so bad. Living a life making up for his sins. For everyone's sins because, why not? Maybe he'll go to heaven that way. The lies he speaks feel like the truth: LL has always known him... even though she never knew him. It's still true because he will make it true.

He will BECOME the man she fell in love with. The lie. He'll do it, even if he has to act the part for the rest of his life.

It's the only way to forgiveness.

But first, they have a catastrophe to stop and he's never been able to stop one before. Maybe now is the time, but if he dies? Everyone will be fine. They'll-

If you're not leaving, I'm not leaving.

...oh

‘Hello heart; that's the second time I've felt you beat: twice in one year.’

Her words sound an awful lot like... like he'll never be alone as long as she lives.

Well then.

Well...

That's...

No one has ever promised him that. It wasn't even a promise: it was a statement of fact.

I guess... that means she's never allowed to die.

That's a fact too, because he doesn't want to be alone ever again. With the void in him. The part of him that nothing and no one has ever filled, saved those beautiful words just now. Words he didn't think he'd ever hear. Even if she isn't close, as long as she breathes then so shall he.

It's stunning. A literal voice in his ear and a metaphorical one in his head. He'll never be alone again. Can he trust that? It soothes the black in him, quietens the doubt like nothing else has. He takes it with him, holds onto hope-

Casts it aside when everything falls, fails. He failed. He didn't save the city. He made one man the enemy instead of clearing the underground tunnels. He didn't save Tommy.

He can't save anyone.

He's no hero.

And there's no more going back because, how can he without Tommy? With that high a price for trying to do the impossible. LL wasn't the cornerstone there, it was best friend. And she suffered for his selfish attempt too, like she always has. She was always better than him.

He so sorry that he can't love her the way she deserves. He can't tell her that he never did. Ignorance is bliss.

There's just... something wrong with him. He was never meant to exist with people. He should have died on the island.

Trying to rebirth the past is meaningless now. He can't do or change anything. There's no point in staying.

He leaves.

But he makes sure to dump a nice helping of cash into Felicity and Dig's accounts: that's all he’s good for. Maybe it will make them just a little happy. They're better off without him there, because he's a disease. He can only hurt people or run away.

He runs away. He’s good at that too.

Five months alone bring him a small amount of peace: sometimes worldly things get in the way. But he can't stop thinking about Tommy...

Then THEY are there. They came to his personal hell on earth, willingly. No one else would, he knows that. And he’s exasperated, frustrated but it's so good to see them-

Feel them.

She's warm. And beautiful. And she's asking him to come BACK-

But he can't because everything he touches turns to ashes.

Except she needs his help and so do thousands more. His family's legacy is crumbling before him and he has to take responsibility.

It's almost too easy to listen, even as he hates that he has to return because-

FEELINGS. EMOTIONS. MEMORIES. ATTACKING HIM.

Even as he wants to because loneliness is a slow killer too and he'd rather die fast, die standing. Die with people.

...he keeps looking at her. Can't help it-

She draws the eye.

His eye.

And she's saying things that hit him every single time in ways he doesn't know how to face.

She SEES him.

It's like she's decided she's done watching him. She's stepping up. She's SHOWING him the way.

He's in love with that. He needed her years ago. He doesn't deserve it... but she's reaching out and offering her hand. He's almost too scared to touch it, but he does.

Now he's hanging onto her every word, only realising ten seconds in that they've been looking at each other ten seconds too long-

He's relying on her so much more than before. Needs her. For everything:

Queen Consolidated

his mother's trial

she-

-made him a bow.

HER bow. her touch. her ideal. HER.

It doesn't feel drenched in darkness: it's heavier. There's a weight to it now that she's asking him to bear but it settles well in his chest and finally he can breathe a little. She's everywhere; the foundry has touches of her- his life is suddenly filled with her and he doesn't mind. It doesn't scare him.

The idea of her ever leaving does scare him, even as she promised she never would if he didn't.

So he won't.

They're a team. It always worked with John but she's become the heart: it doesn't beat or flow without her and he doesn't question or care how it happened.

The mission changes: it has to. Tommy was the sacrifice for his judgement before. That can't happen again.

Felicity can't be the sacrifice... and he doesn't know why she's first in his thoughts there.

There's Starling, the Glades and the family company. Isabel.

He's a natural at thwarting women who want to spar with him: it's all an act. Sleep with her, keep her quiet. Make her see there's no difference in them really. They're both crappy people trying to save a dying company-

Felicity’s there...

He's had sex before, with other women before; why does this feel worse?

Why does it feel like shame?

And she's a good person; she'd never use sex as a weapon, never use her body so shallowly. Any man who'd want her to isn't worth her time.

I'm not worth her time.

So when she asks and he's glad of it because her silence was deafening, disquieting - he could tell she'd been waiting to ask and he-

looks

her

the

eye

…….oh

THAT’S what he’s been feeling.

It's intense, the way his heart jumps at her. The way the truth settles down on him as the words he speaks become a different kind of truth. He can sleep around with women like Isabel because they mean nothing.

Not her.

Not FELICITY SMOAK-

because he doesn't stay longer in the foundry because he likes it down there; that's where SHE is. She made it her home too. Where the clacking of fingers on a keyboard becomes preferable to the silence, like therapy. He doesn't look forward to a work day because he loves his job: he hates his job, but he likes spending the day with her.

He’s taking advantage of her.

She asked him to try a better way and he has, because it wasn't just about honouring Tommy. It was about working towards the light with her, his guide.

And he realises he's been falling for a while.

But he can't let himself land so he lets her leave-

You deserve better than her.

There's better and then there's Felicity and her words, her voice that beckons and stuns him and- FUCK.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to feel this way. He'd liked her from day one, had been attracted to her intelligence, her wit, her compassion and her short skirts. Her GLASSES. Her lipsticks and nail varnishes.

Her smile.

But that was all...

The Count seals the deal. He gets it. He won't kill but he'd gladly kill for her. He'd break rules for her without feeling guilt, and he doesn't feel guilt- None.

But she's affected and sorry and he can't let her feel that way so her lets her see just a little of what's inside him.

You come first

you're important

to the city

but mostly to me

you're never thanked but I couldn't do this without you

there's no choice to make when it comes to you

And that’s why nothing can ever happen.

But Barry creates an ugly furl in him, something he's never felt. Is it... jealousy? For a kid half his size and triple his intelligence? Yes.

But like a lot of things, Barry makes Oliver see: these thoughts he's been having? They can’t happen. They need to be shut down before it spirals out of control. Put her first.

Sara helps there.

It's part distraction, part comfort, all a shield to feelings that twist turn him inside out in the best ways.

Sara who can take care of herself so he doesn't have to

Sara who's beautiful

Sara who he might be able to be himself with

Sara who was exactly like him

Except they argue about everything and her darkness worries him. Their methods clash, their ideas clash... and before long it starts to feel like he’s trying to fix the past again but he can’t help it. The pull is relentless. He still wants more than anything to go back and make up for what he did.

The monster that he is-

Except Felicity called him a hero. Her words are gold. Everyone in the world could stand against him... but she thinks he’s a hero.

But he’s with Sara and Sara needs help, needs to be shown the way. Felicity and Diggle - they taught him that killing shouldn’t be a first port of call. There’s always ANOTHER WAY.

But Sara CAN’T. And if she can’t then how can he?

Yet she isn’t wrong: they don’t bring out the best in each other... they don’t bring out ANYTHING. She’s worried about touching him with her darkness? She needn't: she never touched his heart, not really.

His heart is in a lock-box, along with his hope. Which is good because-

S.L.A.D.E

-who knows that deep down, Oliver is as dark as they come. He's not a hero. he's a traitorous coward who deserves for history to repeat itself and it does in the worst way.

Because I’m a disease.

Slade, who is a product of Oliver's making. Slade who shows him to the world for who he really is.

Even when Felicity disputes this, he knows it's true.

It would be easy... so easy to sink into her. To take her into himself, breathe deep, devour her whole until he’s surrounded and filled with nothing but her. Her eyes are offering it.

He isn’t worthy.

I can’t.

And he wants to sink away and die, wants to allow his sins to destroy him and maybe that would take away all the problems- But Sebastian is involved and a danger to the city. LL is involved. Her father. His friends.

He has to be strong. He has to stop Slade the way he should have done the first time. He has to stop him, not kill him; but it feels impossible. He's only one man, a failure of a man...

And of course… of COURSE... she's there and she tells him the truth; what he needs to hear. And when she holds him, when he realises his partner is with him 100% through thick and thin he's finally able to acknowledge why he's holding her back. Why she gives him strength. Why her opinion matters the most. Why he dreams about her. Why, when she’s near, he’s stronger.

whoever you love the most.

The ruse is easy because it's real.

He can tell her without telling her and it feels so easy, so good, so natural.

He's in love with Felicity Smoak, not Sara. Not Laurel. Felicity. She could never love him back as he is, but he can hope with that look in her eyes.

And she's stronger than them anyway; she's the one who stops Slade.

After everything lost, it feels like salvation.

I’ll continue this, but it’s already so LOOOONG!

In case you’re wondering who the crazy person babbling about Olicity is, please see my:

TWITTER

AO3

KO-FI

#Olicity #Meta

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queenharumiura · 5 years ago

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Brotp Kyouya & Haru ((because why not =P))

Send me a ship and I will grade it: ||Still accepting||

I’m answering this in terms of a Brotp, and i’m teetering between A: I love it and B : It’s really cute

[Note: In case anyone else other than Klee sees this, this is referring to her Kyouya from OHSHC. This is not about Hibari Kyouya from KHR.]

I dunno how these two would even meet or even begin to have a sibling sort of relationship, but if it happened for whatever reason, I think it would be a very interesting relationship.

I would say that Kyouya really wouldn’t have a hard time adjusting to Haru. I mean, look at Tamaki. He and Haru are both balls of energy who often have weird and crazy ideas and or fantasies. Haru’s love for wearing costumes fits with the whole Host club thing where they also are willing to go into costume for the sake of events or whatever.

I would think that Kyouya would be accepting of Haru from a generality standpoint. Haru comes from an average family, where her father is a college level professor who teaches mathematics. Haru herself goes to Midori, which is supposedly a famous all girls private school for very intelligent students. She is a part of the gymnastics club.

Her desire to be a Yamato Nadeshiko means that she will try to learn more… sophisticated skills, but we should know Haru’s personality. It’s a lil on the wildly energetic side. However, if you consider the future arc, where we see the future Haru for a brief moment, she was quite calm and mature.

It’s not wrong to say that maybe after YEARS her Yamato Nadeshiko training wore off. Still, her ‘Hahi! Haru–’ spoken tick doesn’t seem to leave and I love that. I’m similar in the way that I also speak in third person a lot and some spoken ticks of mine don’t leave so easily. Especially my habit to start out most things with ‘haha’.

In real life and online, I start a lot of my sentences with ‘haha’ because that’s how I actually talk. It’s just a habit of mine and I don’t know why? Haru’s stubborn tick makes me feel like I have a comrade lol.

Anyways, back to the scheduled programming you came here for: From an outside view, Kyouya can be viewed as a cool and collected character who is very keen on making money, only caring for that.

Though i’m sure you and I both know that’s not entirely true. He is cool and collected, but he does care for others, and he doesn’t always consider money into the equation of things. A good example would be the time when he helped prevent a person from being swindled. He tried to tell Haruhi that he did it because he recognized the person, but he wouldn’t have been able to see her ring behind the banner.

He helped because he wanted to, and he didn’t want anyone to be swindled. Also, he isn’t afraid to get into contact with people of all sorts of backgrounds. If he was all about money and only about money, he wouldn’t have interacted with people who aren’t of any use to him beyond what is necessary.

In my opinion, he treated most people the same way, with a level of respect and dignity. You don’t really see him looking down on people because of their status. He is also very conscientious, like when he makes sure to update Haruhi’s father on her activities because she doesn’t do it herself. He puts up with a lot of Tamaki’s shenanigans, so I’d be willing to say that his patience levels are GODLY.

He does have a temper when he’s first woken up though– but I mean… #MOOD.

From this, I’d say that he’s the type of person who likes to connect with people for many reasons, and their character is certainly one of them. You find out one of your customers were harassing another person? It doesn’t matter how influential their family is, you OUT.

There is dignity, morality, and just… kindness to that.

Given how he wasn’t against interacting with Casanoda, he isn’t really against people who are from a darker side of society. He judges people as they are, not really from where they come from. He doesn’t discriminate against Haruhi either who is a *~commoner~*. We’ve seen some people hold that against Haruhi before if memory serves me right.

Kyouya in my mind would not judge Haru for her family status, or her affiliation to the Vongola mafia.

I do kind wonder if it’s possible that he either approached her because she’s either intelligent, her costume making skills (lol), or just– hey she’s affiliated with a powerful mafia B3c (lol)

Just a thought on my part, really.

Anyways, Haru also doesn’t really judge people based off background either. If she did, she should have stayed clear of Tsuna from the GET GO, but she didn’t. She judged him to be a good person even if he’s a part of the mafia.

Of course, she’s also rather fearless, on top of being very optimistic. Even though she knew that Tsuna is supposedly the next mafia boss, she had no qualms over slapping him or challenging him to a duel when she thought he was abusing kids. She will absolutely not tolerate it. She has NO CHILL when it comes to protecting children.

Above all else, she’s very up standing when it comes to treating people right. It doesn’t matter if she loves you, if she thinks you are a bad person, she will drop you. She won’t let her love cloud her judgement to the point that she’ll forgive you for abusing people. She will not stand that.

I think that Kyouya and Haru probably share that kind of mentality. They both would want to associate with upstanding people. Kyouya is a bit more behind the scenes than Haru is, with the way he isn’t very outright with the way he does things. Sometimes he’ll help people behind the scenes.

Haru is more upfront about it, as she’s a very honest soul.

Haru is also a very dedicated person who is willing to go to far lengths for those she cares about. She has canonically put herself at risk for the sake of others. She’s very… how to say… impulsive. Very much so. Especially when love is involved. She’s very… hyperactive and full of daydreams. (Tamaki, i’m looking at you too)

Kyouya wouldn’t have a hard time adjusting to her, I think. Consider her a younger Tamaki tbh.

Haru is very loyal. When she thought that Tsuna had accidentally killed someone when he ‘blacked out, allowing his mafia instincts to take over,’ she said that she’d wait for him like a dedicated wife lololololol. There was no such thing as lets hide the truth! Nope! If you’re Haru’s husband, you better take responsibility for your actions and she’ll wait for you like a dedicated wife.

Certainly, there were theatrics as she went into that. Even if Kyouya’s reputation has some blots, Haru wouldn’t judge him for that. She’s the sort to judge someone based off her own personal knowledge. However, she is concerned about safety– so if the rumors said he was violent, she would care for that, ahahaha.

All that being said, if they did somehow form a sibling bond, i’m sure they would be good at caring for the other. Haru loves to visit her friends and check up on them. Watch her also make him bentos for him to try. You may have fancy chefs, but don’t you know the best seasoning is LOVE!?

Make sure you eat all your vegetables and fruits. They are healthy for you– but she doesn’t need to say that given his family background, riiiiiight????

Have a taste of the commoner bento filled with love. Join Haru on her escapade to the CAKE BUFFETS. This is how commoners enjoy their fill of cakes. lol

Kyouya… I feel, would be supportive towards her. Indulge her in her weirdness, and maybe help her towards her dream of being a world class costume maker. Hard to say since I can’t recall off the top of my head if he’s ever been around kids, but I think he’d be the sort to take care of people well.

I do think he’s the youngest child? I feel that given his upbringing, he’d be sensitive to the fact that younger children should be treated with care and with support. He doesn’t like the way he had to keep himself caged due to his brothers, and that’s so stifling. Due to this, I think he’d be more of the sort to allow a younger sibling freedom. To step out from the shadows, so to speak.

Can’t say if I think he’d be the sort to spoil people, but I do think he’d be the kind to reward people for good work? Like he gives people the praise they deserve, rather than just praising for the sake of it. Fairness is big and i’m sure Haru would like that.

It’s been said that she gets spoiled by her father and she’s quite embarrassed by it, so I think she’d be happy with getting praise for what is worth it. Being overly praised to become spoiled would probably make her feel embarrassed. She’s trying to be a Yamato Nadeshiko, spoiling her rotten would be bad!

All in all, I think, they’d have a comfortable dynamic? Truly, this depends on your interpretation of him. This is just my thought in generality.

I do think if they were to have a sibling like relationship, Haru would be happy to have him around and she’d be very affectionate. He’d likely show his affection in not so obvious ways in line with his cool and princely persona type.

One thing is for sure, they both have a temper that can be dangerous. Haru can probably fly off the handle if someone does something she views as morally wrong. Kyouya probably would do his own thing– but not fly off the handle, he’s too ‘cool’ for that, kek.

So I think if they both had a common enemy, it would not be good for that enemy. I feel as though if something happened to Haru, he would do something about it, but behind the scenes like the shadow king he is.

Just know, the moment you become a brother figure to Haru, she will try to get you to wear a costume. Who is she to deny someone who can help her model clothes so she can get them fitted? Some of her costumes… (by that, I mean most) are… interesting… //cough

I can foresee Kyouya having to deal with a mini Tamaki. The problem is that Haru has a temper and she WILL fly off if she sees something that needs corrected. Kyouya, have fun chasing after her. Do scold her for being impulsive as usual.

Haru is very optimistic, so she often uses her own theories to explain people’s actions. As long as she thinks you are a good person at heart, she can probably reason whatever in a positive light.

Except for abuse. She won’t even bother trying to see that in a good light. You hit a child, and it’s bye bye for you.

Really though, Haru is an interesting person with various interests. She is training to be a Yamato Nadeshiko, a model housewife. Yet, she has an interest in wrestling due to her father.

She is rather prude tho and gets easily embarrassed. RIP Lambo who got german suplexed because he had too many buttons undone on his shirt.

She did punch out a pervy doctor who was being a pervert towards her. I will always praise her for that. Good girl. So she’s certainly someone who has a temper and will use whatever means to protect herself from pervs. QuQ

I don’t think Kyouya would have to step in for that. I can see him praising her for a job well done while also thinking about how to deal with it on his end without her knowing. OTL||||||

So yeah, I think they’d have an interesting sibling dynamic where they like to support each other the best they can, or at least just enjoy each other’s company.

#friendlyneighbourhoodscientist #meme answered #answered ask #thanks for the ask!#Neo speaks #((Phew I need to rest my fingers OTL ))#((Hope you like!))#long post

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trihearts-bull-corner · 5 years ago

Text

Prompt Challenge

So this is my writing prompt challenge. It is a very long list, and some of the quotes are very long. Every line is from my favorite author, Sherrilyn McQueen (previously known as Sherrilyn Kenyon). Quotes that inspire fluff, romance, and/or angst

[[MORE]]

You have the optimism of a child. (Julian) Peter Pan all the way. (Grace)

Life isn't finding shelter in the storm. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

But as the Roman playwright Terence once wrote, From many a bad beginning great friendships have formed

I don't suffer from my insanity -- I enjoy every minute of it.

I marvel at the fact you’ve lived to your age and no one’s taken those rose-colored glasses and shoved them up your ass.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Oh contraire, mon frère. I’m able to annoy anyone in ten syllables or less. Sometimes, I don’t even have to speak at all. I just walk into the room and it rankles them.

It's easy to look at people and make quick judgments about them, their present and their past, but you'd be amazed at the pain and tears a single smile hides. What a person shows to the world is only one tiny facet of the iceberg hidden from sight. And more often then not, it's lined with cracks and scars that go all the way to the foundation of their soul.

You’re not done with me entirely, human. I’m the mother of his daughter. (CharacterA) You’re right. You are ____'s mother, poor her. But you’re wrong about one thing. (characterB) And that is? (CharacterA) I’m no longer human. I’m the Atlantie Kedemonia Theony – the guardian of the Atlantean gods. And right now there’s only one of them walking about and to save him from one more bad memory created by you, I’d bathe in your entrails, bitch. As for ___, she’s a big girl – I know, I used to live with her. She’ll survive the death of her mother. Trust me, I have firsthand experience with the subject. (characterB)

"How can anyone be afraid of love?" (CharacterA) "When you love someone... truly love them, friend or lover, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt—you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul. And when they do strike, it's crippling—like having your heart carved out. It leaves you naked and exposed, wondering what you did to make them want to hurt you so badly when all you did was love them. What is so wrong with you that no one can keep faith with you? That no one can love you? To have it happen once is bad enough... but to have it repeated? Who in their right mind would not be terrified of that?" (characterB)

Aren't you an enigma wrapped in a thick coating of contradictions.

Sometimes things have to go wrong in order to go right.

Do you want my input or is this just an angry tirade you need to vent? (CharacterA) Both! (characterB) Okay, you rant and I’ll add my comments at the end. (CharacterA)

We have three kinds of family. Those we are born to, those who are born to us, and those we let into our hearts

I assure you, princess, if you saw the real me, you’d run for cover. (CharacterA) Only if I knew you’d be waiting under that cover for me. (characterB)

"Oh God, I just kissed a vampire!" "Oh Gods, I just kissed a human!"

I have a computer, a vibrator, and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

Bitch please...you haven't seen mean yet.

"____! I won’t leave you here to die." (CharacterA) It’s okay, princess. I don’t mind dying for you. (characterB)

Life is a tapestry woven by the decisions we make.

If brute force doesn't work, you aren't using enough

You know the incredible thing about hearts is their unbelievable capacity for forgiveness. You’d be amazed what people will overlook when they love someone

my balls if you crawl inside a bottle and pickle yourself solid. I’ve got other things to think about now. But let me remind you of something a good friend once said to me when I was being eaten alive by feelings I didn’t understand. ‘Even when my marriage was bad, it was good.’ I had no real idea what you meant that night, but now I do and I’m grateful to the gods I can finally believe in that I took a chance on something that almost killed me. The life I have now…no, the woman I have now is worth every rotten moment of my worthless existence that led me to her door, and I would relive it all to have one kiss from her lips. You’re the one who told me that the right woman was a shelter from the storm

I wasn't born, I was unleashed.

She couldn’t very well let him join her in bed like that. Sure you could. No I can’t. Please? Hush, self, let me think.

We almost made it to thirty seconds without an insult. I think we set a new record

Get off me, you lard-ass, halitosis, flea-infested horror-movie reject!

I thought only a wooden stake through the heart killed a vampire. (CharacterA) A wooden stake through the heart will kill just about anything. And if it doesn't, run like hell (characterB)

You’re the only thing I’ve ever done right in my entire life and if anything ever happened to you, they’d have to dig two graves ‘cause I couldn’t live a single day without my baby beside me. (parent to child)

You know, I would date, if I could find a man worth shaving my legs for.

C'mon, Tabitha. You stabbed me the night we met without even blinking. (CharacterA) Yeah, but you were a dirtbag then. (characterB) I think I'm offended. (CharacterA)

I learned a long time ago not to judge people by what they look like, sound like, or by the clothes they wear. Just because a house is nice and shiny out front doesn’t mean it’s not rotting on the inside.

you're right ___. I am a selfish bastard. I had to be, because no one else gave a single shit about me except me

I have found my star. She is beauty and grace. Elegance and goodness. My laughter in winter. She is courageous and strong. Bold and tempting. Unlike any other in all the universe, and I cannot touch her. I dare not even try

I’m here because I know the sadness inside you. I know what it feels like to wake in the morning, lost and lonely and aching for someone to be there with me

What are you doing? (CharacterA) I'm getting into my car. (characterB) You own this?! (CharacterA) No. I'm stealing it with the key in my hand. (characterB)

So, does this make you visibly challenged? (CharacterA) No, but if you don’t lay off me, I’m going to make you breathing impaired. (characterB)

I'm the top of the food chain and well...you're the food

___ says that tragedy and adversity are the stones we sharpen our swords against ao that we can fight new battles.

Sure. My ego's had enough time to recover a modicum of dignity. Let's make sure we crush it again before I mistake myself for a god

Human will is the strongest will ever created. There are those who are born to succeed and those who are determined to succeed. The former fall into it, and the latter pursue it at all costs. They won’t be denied. Nothing daunts them.

You know when people say fine, it generally means ‘leave me the hell alone because I don’t want to talk about what’s really bothering me

Baby, I ain't trash. Trash is something you throw away. My people keep me.

We're not the damned, folks, we're the categorically fucked.

So is there any part of you that’s not a lethal weapon? (CharacterA) No. Even my wits are sharpened. (characterB)

The worst wounds, the deadliest of them, aren't the ones people see on the outside. They're the ones that make us bleed internally

The past is dead. Tomorrow will become whatever decision you make it.

Strength through adversity. The strongest steel is forged by the fires of hell. It is pounded and struck repeatedly before it’s plunged back into the molten fire. The fire gives it power and flexibility, and the blows give it strength. Those two things make the metal pliable and able to withstand every battle it’s called upon to fight.

Love is deceitful and sublime. In its truest form, it brings out the best in all beings. At its worse, It's a tool used to manipulate and ruin any one who is stupid enough to hold it. Don't be stupid

Forgiveness is the best part of valor...Discretion is easy. It's finding the courage to forgive yourself and others that is hard

Even if I were lying on the sun itself, I would be freezing there without you

I learned the bad guys are not always bad, the good guys are not always good, and to quote Captain Barbossa, the parameters are like rules, mostly guidelines. And that it takes a little bit of bad boy to fight the evil in the world.

Laugh it up, asshole. But she who laughs last laughs longest, and I intend to belly roll tonight

I think infatuation is like a garden. If tended and cared for, it grows into love. If neglected or abused it dies. The only way to have eternal love is to never let your heart forget what it's like to live without it.

What? It's not my fault I stab all the fanged people. They shouldn't look like vampires. (CharacterA) I didn't look like a vampire, but you stabbed me. (characterB) Yeah, well, you looked like a lawyer so I had to kill you. It was a moral imperative. (CharacterA)

Where are you anyway? (CharacterA) I don't know. I hear some godawful kind of music from outside, horns blaring, and I'm in a house with a Mohawk cuckoo bird, a transvestite, and a knife-wielding lunatic. (characterB) Why are you at ____'s? (CharacterA)

You’re selfish and you’re cold, and I’m tired of getting frostbite when I touch you

He who lets fear rule him, has fear for a master

Be kind to dragons, for thou art crunchy when toasted and taste good with ketchup

If you have any care for ____ at all, don't leave him in darkness. It's not fair to show someone the sun and then to banish him from it. Even the devil may cry when he looks around hell and realizes that he's there alone

Have you ever wanted something that you knew was bad for you? Something that you ached for so much you could think of nothing else?

Gee, thanks Dad. I promise to be a good boy and play nice with the other kids.(CharacterA) Smart ass. (characterB) Better than a dumb ass.(CharacterA)

I'm too young, too smart and too good-looking to die.

You're so afraid of being hurt that you attack first. Only those who really care about you will weather the assault of your verbal attacks and stay. The rest will fall away.

Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live

The most beautiful heart of all is the one that can still love even while it bleeds, and especially after its been broken into thousands of pieces.

Just how many sisters do you have? (CharacterA) Eight. (characterB) Eight? (CharacterA) What? (characterB) I'm just pitying whatever poor males lived in that house with all of you. It must have been truly frightening at least one week out of every month. (CharacterA) Was that a joke? (characterB) Merely a frightening statement of fact. (CharacterA)

There, there, baby. We'll hide her body in the trunk later.

Sorrow spares no one, and scars respect no person.

Yeah, it never fails to amaze me how a single lie can undo an entire lifetime of good

Is he a good boy? (CharacterA) No, Mom, he’s Satan incarnate. In fact, once it’s over, we’re going to get liquored up and tattooed, then find some cheap hos and have a good time with his trust fund. (characterB)

Oh no, no, no! Are you going to suck my blood? (CharacterA) Do I look like a lawyer to you? (characterB)

Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me?

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss other people. Life's too short to worry about what other people do or don't do. Tend your own backyard, not theirs, because yours is the one you have to live in

It would have really cramped my future plans had I died.

No power from above can make one human love another. Love comes from within the heart.

There are always three sides to every memory…yours, theirs, and the truth, which lies somewhere in between the two

You don’t knock on the devil’s door, boy, unless you want him to answer.

Take care of him, ____. And remember it takes great courage and heart for a man who knows no kindness to show it to another. Even the wildest of beasts can be tamed by a patient and gentle hand.

To infinity then. (CharacterA) What’s that mean? (characterB) It’s something my dad used to say when I was a kid. To infinity, meaning you’d see something through to the end. (CharacterA) Infinity is never-ending. (CharacterB) That’s right, which means you keep going and going no matter what happens or what obstacles you meet. Over, under, around or through. There’s always a way. And if you have to chase something to infinity, strap on your big-boy pants, hiking boots, and go. (CharacterA)

Whoa, what is this? Battle of the Sarcastic and Pissed? Should I make popcorn? Forget American Idol, man. This is much more entertaining

Life is serious. (CharacterA) No, life is an adventure. It's thrilling and scary. Sometimes it's even a bit boring, but it should never be serious. (characterB)

You can take my life, but you'll never break me. So bring me your worst… And I will definitely give you mine.

Just remember, anger is always your enemy. You must keep your emotions in check. The moment you lose control of them, you lose the fight every time.

It’s a responsibility that I take most seriously, so excuse me for banning you from killing them because you have reverse PMS. (CharacterA) Reverse PMS? (characterB) Yeah, unlike a normal woman, you’re cranky twenty-eight days out of the month. (CharacterA)

You are the only warmth in my heart. The only sunshine my winter has ever known

I wonder why no one called the police about the rocket launcher? God knows my neighbors usually report it if I so much as fart in my backyard.

I am a socially awkward mandork.

What else can I do to piss you off? (CharacterA) You can leave me. (characterB) I would never do that, ____. No one can live without their heart and that’s what you are to me. (CharacterA)

What planet are you from? Obviously Planet Insanity was missing a local, long-term resident.'

Actions that sometimes seem mean aren’t. Rather they are done by the ones we love in order to protect us without our knowing it.

Knock, knock. (CharacterA) Now, ain't this a bitch. Here I am, trying to kiss my girl, and you have to interrupt us. What, were you raised in a barn? By the way, touch the woman, or the Lamborghini, and you're a dead man. (characterB)

The wealth of a soul is measured by how much it can feel... its poverty by how little

You’re human. No one cares if you sleep with a whore. (CharacterA) (characterB did something she’d never in her life done before. She slapped another person.) You ever insult ____ again and so help me, I’ll do to you what you allowed your brother to do to him. I’ll cut your tongue out for it. ____ is the man I love and no one, ever, takes issue with him without having issues with me. (characterB)

Your destiny is shaped by choice, never by chance. Beware the decisions you make, no matter how small, for they will be your salvation...or your death.

Wake up, ____. Your psychotic criminal is playing with knives.

I accept you as you are, and I will always hold you close in my heart. I will walk beside you forever

Words are easy to say, but emotions betray the best intentions.

Because I have no boobs. My ears stand out, and I have freckles all over me. (CharacterA) Boobs? (characterB) Breasts. (CharacterA) You have very nice breasts. (CharacterB) Thanks. What about you? (CharacterA) I have no breasts. (characterB)

I love you, I love you, I love you! And if you ever die on me again, I'll kill you so dead!

I'm old enough to make you look like an embryo.

How did you get me here? (CharacterA)I have my evil Jedi ways. The Force is strong with this one. (characterB)

Have you ever noticed that salvation, much like your car keys, is usually found where and when you least expect it?

The man may not be dead, but he was certainly stiff. And this had nothing to do with rigor mortis

He was like some wild, untamed creature that you could keep and feed for a time, but in the end you knew you'd have to let it go for its own sake as well as yours

I will fear no evil for I am the baddest bitch in the land

Ironically no one ever wants to hear what I have to say about anything. They usually argue with me to the point I want to put them through a wall. Hopefully you won’t be so dense

So you're the infamous ____. (CharacterA) Lord and Master of the great barbarian horde that roams the night. (characterB)

No one should have to pay for love in flesh or blood.

Should I ask about the handcuffs? (CharacterA) Not unless you want to live...otherwise if anyone asks, tell them I died of a heart attack during a wild sexcapade with her. (characterB)

A flower can't grow without rain. (CharacterA) Too much rain and it drowns. (characterB) And yet the most beautiful of the lotus flowers are the ones that grow in the deepest mud. (CharacterA)

I’ve spent my entire life listening to people tell me why I can’t be loved and how I’m nothing but a worthless piece of shit. I always told myself that I didn’t care, that I didn’t need anyone else. It was a lie, you know. I do care and I want ____. If it costs me my life to be with her, it doesn’t matter. I’ve already lived past my prime, anyway. I get up every morning with more pain in my joints than the day before. If I have to die, I’d rather die knowing someone cared about me, just once. Is that really too much to ask? (CharacterA) For us? Yes. It is. We are the gutter and the gutter is all we’ll ever be. Don’t reach out for the stars. They’ll burn you until there’s nothing left. (characterB) Then let me burn. (CharacterA)

Should I warm the oven and bake you a batch of hero cookies?

I don’t even know what to say to you. (CharacterA) Me, either. I guess we’ll just stand here and cry at each other, huh? (characterB)

Everyone cries sometimes, ____. There are some pains that run too deep for even the strongest to take without breaking. I don’t think any less of you for it.

Please nothing, she’s a vicious piranha. She looks all cute and cuddly, then she opens that mouth and lets loose so much venom she could double as a nest of scorpions

Don't worry, ___. I'm an acquired taste. Most of my best friends had to know me for years before they could even stand my presence. I'm like mold, I usually grow on you very slowly

You know, I've walked this earth for over eleven thousand years, my lady. I have seen things in my life that are unimaginable to you, and you ask me if I doubt you? Lady, I doubt the very air you breathe

(CharacterA) "You are naked."......"You are so naked" (characterB) - "I know" (CharacterA) "You are naked!" (characterB) "We've established that." (CharacterA) "You're happy and naked." (characterB)"What?

Please don’t let it be another cop. I’m outta bail money. Wait a minute…I could sell you on eBay and make a killing. (CharacterA) Not in my current condition. You’d have to sell ___ or ____. I’m sure there’s someone willing to buy two perfectly good white boys. (characterB)

Hey!" (CharacterA) snapped as he realized (CharacterB) was about to lock him on the outside with their attackers. He pushed the door open and glared at him. "No man left behind." (characterB) scoffed. "This aint' the army, boy. It's every man for himself. Fall behind. Get eaten!"

I marvel at the fact you’ve lived to your age and no one’s taken those rose-colored glasses and shoved them up your ass.

Because I don’t feel broken when you look at me. (CharacterA) How could you feel broken? (characterB) I was shattered as a child and thrown away, like a piece of trash no on wanted. But you don’t treat me like that. You see in me the human bit and you touch that part of me. You make me feel whole and wanted. (CharacterA)

Fate is a bitch with a wicked since of humor and today I'm her punchline

If you're going to hell buddy, I'm driving the bus

I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six

If I am to be judged it will be for who I am. Not for who I'm trying to become

I will count the heartbeats until I see you again

It's official take a psycho to work day. Why else would I be here?

The bitterest pain of all is when you can only hold someone in your heart who you used to hold in your arms

Pain baptizes us all without prejudice or mercy

Whatever doesn't kill me better run like hell

True love will always find it's way through paths where even feral lorinas fear to prey

So goes my incentive to fight fairly. You want fair, play with kids. You wanna come at me, make out a will.

People who don't know me, think I'm quiet. People who do, wish I was.

Shall I show you to the door... Or would you rather go out through the wall?

Before you rattle my cage, you'd best make sure I'm padlocked in it

There are two ways out of this room. The window behind you and the door behind me..... You might survive the window.

Everyday do one thing that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people

The truth spills as quickly from furious lips as a lie. The trick is to learn which is meant to wound and which is meant to enlighten.

We all have out burdens... Just some of us have the ones that strike to kill us vindictively

If you want to see exactly how angry someone can get, tell them to calm down when they're already pissed off!

Don't be afraid to love. Yes its a weakness, but it's a source of greatest strength you'll ever know.

Because you are taking the most important parts of me with you, ___..... My heart and my soul. You are not just my wife. You are what sustains me.

Talk is cheap. Pain is free and I'm peddling the shit out of it. So you come and get some.

Why be difficult when with a little bit of effort you can be impossible

The lies we tell ourselves to survive seldom bring peace to our hearts

Destruction is good for my soul, but it sucks to be you

Family isn't perfect, just perfectly ours

#writing prompt #long prompts #boom quotes #sherrilyn Kenyon #the dark-hunters #the league #its a challenge

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afraidof-thedark · 5 years ago

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When my older sister turned 19, my parents started looking at me with the deepest pity and grief I have ever seen; like I was going to crumble and disappear at any moment.

I was 16 and listening to music in my bedroom when my mother came to me with a beautiful portrait in her hands. It was of my great-grandmother Eleanor.

“Pat, you know how Eleanor used to say that when she was 18, a she-devil offered her some kind of paradise if she agreed to die immediately, right?”

It was a weird question; whenever my mother had a little more to drink, she’d retell this tale over and over. She came from a long line of spiritual but pragmatic women, women who fought to study and to work in male-dominated fields. Women who also found a good man to marry, women who had everything.

But then tragedy struck in their lives and they would lose a daughter or a niece. Always.

“Yes, mom," I replied, and we recited together: “And she said fuck off, I have 7 siblings to help raising."

And Eleanor did. She worked her ass off to send her younger brothers and sisters to good schools, became a college teacher herself, and kept teaching every new generation of women to be strong and stand up for themselves.

My mother always loved her to bits, and did her best to raise her kids the way her grandmother had taught. Eleanor peacefully died of old age when I was a baby, and overall lived a great, accomplished, loving life.

But grief knocked on her door periodically, as she had to bury a daughter and a granddaughter, both at age 18. My aunt Cecelia died years before I was born, and that took a huge toll on my mother and on my other aunt, Christa.

Eleanor didn’t believe it was a tragic coincidence. No.

She thinks that the same she-devil who invited her to go live in a better place came to claim her descendants.

After Cecelia, there were no deaths.

My sister and my cousins have all crossed the line to 19, and none of them reported anything weird happening to them.

I’m the only female in my family who is still 18.

Despite the fact that I always admired Eleanor, I confess that I thought that she was being superstitious, or even mocking us—she was known for her savage sense of humor. So this conversation I had with my mother had been completely brushed from my mind.

Then today a gorgeous, magnificent woman approached me.

I am a part-timer at a frozen yogurt joint. As you might expect, the small store was empty. The little bell on the door rang, and I raised my eyes to meet a stunning, elegant woman who seemed to be on her early 30s.

She was wearing a simple and unassuming dress, but the fit was flattering. It was impossible to take your eyes off of her.

“Hello, Patricia." Her voice was velvety and melodious. “I see Eleanor’s granddaughter told you about me."

I forgot how to breathe for a while. She was just… God, I had considered myself straight up to this point, but then I had found a woman that I both wanted to be like and have for myself.

“Come on, get yourself some fro-yo on me. Mine will be salted caramel and strawberry, if you please."

I mechanically filled two little cups as she graciously sat.

I stared at her intently.

“When you see Christa, tell her to see a doctor about that persistent headache. Unpleasant surprise on the way,” she said very casually. “So tell me about you, Pat."

“D-don’t you know all about me already?” I asked. She smiled kindly, but the warmth never reached her violet eyes; it wasn’t like they were cold, but they were neutral. Neutral and incredibly sharp.

“I know everything there is to know about everyone on your little planet, darling. But I’d still like to hear your version."

“I’m not actually interesting, you know?” I sighed. “I am only okay at everything. My sister is brilliant and she’s pretty too, while I’m too average and not even sure what I want to major in."

She smiled so brightly I thought I was gonna go blind.

“Don’t you want to be part of something bigger and easier?” she asked. “I’ll offer you a great deal, the same one I offered your ancestor Eleanor, her daughter Bettina, and your aunt Cecelia. You know the results."

“I’m listening," I said. I don’t know the circumstances of their deaths, but I know that both Bettina and Cecelia took the offer.

“Well, take a look around the world you live in. You’re young, but old enough to know. Do you feel safe walking the streets? Isn’t this world rotten? Sure, you can say there are good people; people that mind their own business, at least. But the rotten apples always spoil the whole barrel. And lately you mortals have seen that happening a lot of people you used to deem good, huh?”

“I don’t… feel safe. Two of my friends have been assaulted. I admit sometimes I’m scared to leave my bed," I replied. “Still, I’d feel so bad about how my mother would miss me."

She smiled.

“You’re a good girl, Patricia. I’m Lilith, by the way," she grabbed my hands. “Let me tell you something, although I’m sure you already know this in your heart. All the women in your family are fit for this deal, but I have to choose only one. I chose you because you won’t be missed as much." I recoiled, feeling hurt, but I knew that Lilith wasn’t lying. There was a spark of compassion in her eyes too. “It’s not that you’re not loved, it’s just that your cousins and your sister…”

“Are so much better than me in every sense. I know. I panic easily, I don’t trust my own decisions, and I don’t have any special talent. Sometimes my life feels like such a waste."

“It’s not, dear. It’s not. Because you were born for something greater. Greater than these girls you deem better than yourself. They are fit for this world. You are fit for the Utopia."

“What’s the Utopia?”

“It’s everything there is out there, the only eternal life in the universe, offered to a select few. All the great people on Earth are nothing but a heartbeat. They will fade to nothing, like all the unassuming lives."

“So you mean there’s no heaven and hell? And what about God?”

“Oh, God exists. God created great things. Imperfect, inferior beings like you humans are just the collateral damage of his masterpieces; the residuum of the creation. He never even turned His face to you, or batted an eyelash when we told him our plan. Lucifer and I see potential in you. Well, some of you. Most are truly garbage”.

I was utterly amazed. “Why do you only take young women?”

She smiled again.

“That’s a great question. Lucifer likes to collect men in their 40s, so he can laugh at their moral dilemmas. How will my family live without me, the great provider?? What if Karen marries another man and Cody turns gay because he didn’t have a masculine figure?” She did a great impersonation of a generic middle-aged man. “But I take my girls while they are still beautiful and not completely tired of how unfair this world is to them. I don’t want the morons in your society to make you forget what Eleanor taught you. She knew there would be only nothingness out there after she died, but she opted to stay and take care of her loved ones. It was a bold, admirable choice, and I decided to reward her for it. She was the only one I ever approached to refuse."

“So you can’t both live a great life here and go to this place you call Utopia?” I asked.

“Oh, one usually can’t have it all, no. But I picked two or three of those. Like Marilyn and Cleo. They were almost 40 but still young at heart and completely unfazed by how the world tried to break them. You have to admire that."

“How is that Utopia? Will I like it?”

Lilith snapped her fingers. The walls and furniture around us, and even the street across the door started to fold and fold and fold, like the reality was only a 3D draft, until they became minuscule pieces of cardboard, and then they fell into the infinite under us.

We were now surrounded by a stunning, futuristic place. There was no sense of feeling cold or hungry, we could move by floating around as we pleased, and there were amazing buildings everywhere, decorated with statues of pure white marble and paintings so beautiful I wanted to cry.

I could see colors I never imagined possible, and the sky was always a warm shade of blue, but dotted with stars, and an immense full moon.

Everything was shiny, symmetrical and felt right; peaceful, but far from boring. A perfect, ordered chaos.

“This place is constantly expanding, so you’ll always find new things to do. You’ll never live another tedious day."

She snapped her fingers again, and everything unfolded and rose back into place.

“And if I accept your offer, which I will… can I choose the way I die and do something first?”

“Oh, you have a few days to deal with all your stuff. I’m not a monster, you know?” the she-devil smiled again.

“Great!” I said. “There’s only one thing I need to do before I go with you. I want to kill the man who raped by best friend."

Lilith agreed to allow me to do it, and we talked some more before she left.

And that’s all I can remember clearly. The rest of the day was a blur; knowing that I would die, I wanted to quit my dead-end job immediately, but I had no one to quit to, and I couldn’t leave the store unattended. So I stayed, surrounded by weird ice cream, thinking about what awaited for me.

The she-devil told me that I couldn’t tell anyone I was about to die, but I was allowed to discreetly say my goodbyes. My family was really nice and had taught me a lot, and I had valuable friends, but none of that was reason enough to refuse an eternal life of happiness where I could even be friends with Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe.

I spent some quality time with my loved ones, then two days later, I took my mother’s handgun and headed to see the one who hurt and destroyed my beloved friend, both physically and mentally.

I won’t describe the details of the torture I put him through. I’ll just say that I only stopped when it seemed to me that he went through at least ten times what he made her endure.

And then I killed him.

“Oh, shit," was my only reaction as I realized that punishing this disgusting man felt even better and even more right than living in a perfect Utopia.

It feels like I finally found my purpose. If this world is all that there is, the only thing we can do is enjoy it.

And we’ll only be able to enjoy it if we cleanse it.

I decided to take this mission upon myself.

But there’s only a problem: I already agreed with dying tomorrow.

I signed the contract and now I'm terrified of what Lilith will do to me when I say I changed my mind.

-u/poloniumpoisoning

#reddit #reddit no sleep #nosleep #scary #story #scary story

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queen-of-bel · 6 years ago

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phew okay this was sitting in my drafts for so long, but an analysis for second best devil survivor boy (tadashi nikaido)

naoya | atsuro | amane | gin | mari

Tadashi Nikaido is genuinely one of my favorite characters ever, but I see him get reduced to just "tsundere gangster" but he really is a lot more than that.

Let's look at how he was first introduced. If you remember, there was a thug who was harassing an SDF solider to be let out of the lockdown. He's quickly stopped by Kaido who clearly has no desire at all to spar with the SDF. After Atsuro notes that Kaido has a reputation of treating his members well, Kazuya approaches Kaido for help. Kaido doesn't know of any secret exits, and hasn't seen Naoya. Then, Kaido decides to take it a step further, asking the picture of Naoya to be sent over IR so he can show his crew once the cell lines come back on. This wasn't something that Kazuya asked him to do. This was something that Kaido volunteered to do. He didn't have to do this for 3 strangers, but he did anyway.

The next big thing we learn about Kaido is the "bloodless murderer" and its connection to Kaido. In case you need a refresher, one of the victims was Kaido's brother. It's at this point that we start to see a darker side of him. He finally figured out the secret behind the murderer (that it's a demon) and how to avenge his brother (by using the COMPs). He even calls his brother a "wuss", implying that he thinks his brother died because he wasn't strong enough to fight off the assailant.

Alright, let's throw Mari into the picture now. In case you need a second reminder, Mari is childhood friends with Kaido and his brother. Mari and his brother eventually get into a relationship, but Kaido secretly was in love with Mari, too.

The text differs slightly between the original game and Overclocked, but when Kaido and Mari are arguing, Mari beings to either say how Kaido's brother was her lover, or that she blames herself for his death. Either way, Kaido becomes enraged and cuts her off, and even goes so far as to say he wishes he were the one to kill his brother. He then yells at Mari to stay away from the bloodless murderer before storming off.

The glaringly obvious takeaway is that Kaido has serious issues conveying his emotions. No doubt he's jealous that Mari fell for his brother and not him, but he's also having difficulty expressing his grief over his brother, even resorting to saying something like this to cover his grief. Mari realizes this is just a cover, though, and asks Kazuya to forgive Kaido, as Kaido seems so angry at the moment because of his brother's murder.

Now, jump to the battle where Yuzu gets us into that bet with Kaido and Honda. This is where the lockdown begins to break him. After Kaido realizes he can’t win the bet against a bunch of high school kids, he cries out “I wanted to gain power, but I can’t... I can’t protect anything!” His strong will is what summons Pazuzu, who comments on his "bitter cries of despair".

Note that the first reason he states he wants power is to protect something. He doesn't want power for personal gain, or any selfish reasons. He wants the strength to avenge his brother and protect Mari. He doesn't care about crushing everything or taking over the world-- he just wants Mari to he safe.

So whether or not Mari survives the battle with Kudlak is going to really define Kaido's outlook, but before we jump to the fifth day, let's take a look at what happens on day 4.

At Suidobashi, we find Kaido and Honda getting into a fight with a bunch of civilians, with the intent to kill the civilians. After talking to them, though, Honda says that the civilians attacked them first, and Honda and Kaido were merely acting in self-defense. After they leave, Atsuro says if he were in Kaido's place, he would've lost control, too.

Let's now talk a bit about Kaido's role as a gang/thug leader.

Kaido doesn't want to lead the Shibuya Daemons. He explicitly tells Kazuya, "I don't really care... I'm only leadin' these guys 'cause it was my brother's gang." Kaido only views this as a responsibility his brother left for him, but despite the fact that he has a reputation for treating his members well, he couldn't care less about the Daemons.

So, jump back to the battle where Kaido/Honda are fighting the civilians. This is all really important to consider when Kaido calls Kazuya and everyone "justice freaks".

At first, it seems like Kaido is just displaying typical, thuggish, "fuck the cops" kind of behavior. But considering his behavior and what we know about him up until this point in the game, it doesn't really make sense.

Kaido didn't start the Shibuya Daemons, nor does he want to lead them. Kaido broke up a fight between a gang member and an SDF soldier, when he easily could've joined in, or at the very least, ignored it. Knowing all this, Kaido is probably best described as just "transient" as opposed to having any actual convictions. Maybe he doesn't care enough to outright respect the law, but he doesn't seem to have an active interest in breaking the law, either.

So where does the "justice freak" thing come from?

The most likely answer to me is that Kaido is frustrated with the Japanese law enforcement for not making any progress in the bloodless murder cases. He laments several times that it's been so long since his brother was murdered, and they still don't know who did it. One of the instances where this is shown is when Kazuya gives Kaido Mari's bag. Kaido says "I've been waiting for this... It's been seven months now since my brother died... I'm finally gonna nail the bastard that killed my bro and cornered Mari!"

So, Kaido already has lost hope in the justice system, and knowing that it was the government who enacted the lockdown certainly didn't improve his opinion on the government. Also, now that he sees demons, the same creatures that killed his brother, are on the loose, Kaido knows that if he makes one misstep in the lockdown, he'll die. Especially considering that he thinks his brother could've protected himself if he was stronger.

At this moment, laws don't matter to him anymore if they're just going to hinder his survival. Note that Kaido never did anything that didn't have to do with his survival. He never robbed anybody, he never looted any stores, all he wanted to do was get stronger so he could survive and protect Mari.

Okay, so now let's jump into the 5th day mess, where Mari's fate is defined.

Let's start with if Mari dies.

If Kazuya is there for the battle against Kudlak, but didn't give her purse to either her or Kaido, Mari is killed in front of everyone. Kaido absolutely loses it, and afterwards, falls into a state of shock and depression. I'll touch more on this later, but Kaido says "Mari... I let down my bro... And now you too..."

The next time we see Kaido, he's fighting Keisuke, where their morals are clearly clashing over the proper use of power. This bit of dialogue is only triggered if Kazuya witnessed Mari's death, but Kaido does say "without power, you can't protect anything close to you" before continuing the fight with Keisuke.

If Kazuya didn't witness Mari getting killed by Kudlak, he'll get a email from Kaido that night saying that Mari was found dead. His words indicate that he lapsed into a depression from how powerless he felt.

Either way, the takeaway is that if Mari dies, Kaido blames his lack of strength for his failures. This solidifies the thought in his mind that if you want to survive, you have to be strong. After all, if he were stronger, he could've avenged his brother and saved the woman he loved, right?

Okay, let's rewind day 5 and see what happens if Mari survives.

If Mari survives, and Kaido defeated (well, helped to defeat) Kudlak, he credits this to his strength. This is evidenced in his fight with Keisuke if Mari survives, where he says "If you don't want to die, you gotta get strong! The weak have no right to complain!"

Whatever happens with Mari's fate, the events of the fifth day confirm to him that if he wants to survive and protect anyone, he's got to get stronger. He just has to.

It's after the fifth day that he totally snaps.

On the sixth day, he rants to Kazuya how humans are basically rotten and his desire to crush everything. The stress of the lockdown has finally gotten to him. After he sees stuff from the Japanese government abandoning the civilians in the lockdown and their plans to kill everyone, to the civilians in the lockdown losing all sanity, killing others and causing pure chaos in the streets, Kaido has lost all hope in humanity.

He's extremely bitter towards YHVH and the angels who enacted the lockdown in the first place, which is why he teams up with Naoya to make Kazuya the overlord. At this point he's just gone insane, truly believing that he can't survive without power, and after a week of seeing people's ugly side, he detaches himself from humanity, seeing people as only stepping stones to make himself stronger.

I want to stress one more time that Kaido does not typically share these sentiments. Even at the end of the lockdown, he knows deep down that people aren't inherently bad. He knows that people were pushed this far because of the lockdown, just as he was. This is evidenced by his reaction to Keisuke's actions on the sixth day. If Keisuke is alive, he tells them that he forgives Keisuke for what he did. If Kaido killed Keisuke, Kaido will apologize to Atsuro, saying that under different circumstances, he and Keisuke would make great friends. He even takes it a step further, saying that he understands if Atsuro doesn't forgive him, and if it would make Atsuro feel better, he can kill Kaido.

The best example of Kaido's true nature is in Amane's eighth day, where he actually agrees to help the Messiah and protect the barricade from the demon tamers fighting to get out. He says that this is the least he can do, considering how hard Kazuya is working to help people. These actions would make no sense if Kaido was truly as power-hungry as he appears to be on the sixth day. In fact, this solidifies the theory that Kaido just... exists. Just two days prior, he was seething with rage, vowing to crush the SDF and YHVH. And yet, now he's siding with the Japanese government and the Messiah.

Clearly, Kaido is the type of person who just adapts to the situation he's in. He doesn't particularly have any morals, but instead, he just goes with whatever is happening in his environment. This is even implied in the materials guide, where under Kaido's favorite music, it says "club music?" including the question mark. Being a highschool dropout (also stated in the materials guide) and a gang leader, it's no surprise that he frequents clubs, but it's interesting that he has so little convictions that even his taste in music is left to be shaped by his environment.

Honestly, I think it's very possible Kaido has some form of undiagnosed mental disorder, quite possibly borderline personality disorder. Besides his feelings for Mari, he has no real convictions or ambitions in life. He's just aimlessly doing what life handed to him. His brother died? Well, guess he has to take over his gang. Being stuck in the lockdown? Gain more power to help him survive. Messiah is working to save humanity? Time to side with the angels.

Yes, Kaido has his issues, but the reason why we see his nasty side so often is bc of the cruelty of the lockdown and how that honestly made him snap. The game, however, also conveys multiple instances where his true nature is shown. Despite it all, he's very conflicted about the whole situation-- bouncing back and forth between attempting to murder others to listening to his conscience and displaying compassion towards others. At the end of Naoya's no kill route, Kaido states that he's doing this because he wants to stay by Kazuya's side. Metatron even notes that Kaido is doing this out of loyalty to a friend. Granted, Kaido isn't the only person Metatron says this to, but if Kaido really did only choose this path to gain more power, Metatron would've said so.

Kaido lives an aimless and metaphorically nomadic life, at times showing symptoms which hint at depression or an underlying mental illness. What he is not, however, is your typical power hungry SMT chaos rep. He's a far more complex character than that. He allows his convictions to change very suddenly, just to match the environment he's in. Really, he's this tangled mess of emotions that he has never resolved, and as a result, has become an extremely apathetic and aimless person.

#it's up #sorry it took so long #not like anyone was really waiting for this anyway lol #also sorry no read more i'm on mobile #bpd kaido is my fave headcanon #devil survivor #desu character analyses #tadashi nikaido #desu #devil survivor spoilers #amelia rambles #desu rambles

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terramythos · 6 years ago

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My reread commentary on October Daye #8, "The Winter Long" or "more shit goes down in this book than the first 7 combined, holy shit".

I apologize to anyone who reads these cause I literally hit the length limit on this post and had to pare it down lmao

-Good start: Under the Acknowledgements section: "Everything I have done with October's world to this point has been for the sake of getting here". Sooo basically the first 7 books? Setup for this one. We're in for a Ride.

I want to emphasize some of the best meta foreshadowing I've seen:

FOR REFERENCE, Rosemary and Rue is the title of book 1. It's also the only book whose opening Shakespeare quote (from Hamlet) doesn't really match the title. If you know your Shakespeare, you probably would have caught that and figured out that it was from The Winter's Tale instead. Plenty of conclusions you can draw just from that. Since then the series has been chock full of hidden identities, and this book has two BIG ones coming into play. Foreshadowing was here from the very fucking beginning, and it is some next level shit. Very well done.

-If you skipped book 1 you are SO fucked, btw.

- we're going to great lengths to describe Sylvester's physical appearance. Gee I wonder why. I'm sure it's not relevant

- yes Sylvester has FOX COLORED HAIR and YELLOW EYES and his magic smells like DAFFODILS and DOGWOOD FLOWERS. He is Toby's LEIGE and FATHER FIGURE.

Me on a first read: oh it's just beginning book exposition, they all do this

Me on a second read: god fucking damn it

- toby: I should have known Sylvester would never disappoint me.

Me: oh sweetie. Oh honey.

- "He smelled like smoke and rotten oranges.

This man wasn't Sylvester Torquill."

Anyone who read book 1: OHSHIT.AVI

Welcome back, Simon! You know, Sylvester's evil twin? You know, the big bad (so far) of the series? The the one responsible for turning Toby into a fish for 14 years?

-Yet he seems kinda... off, huh? Comments about how he didnt know the spell would last 14 years, how he hates to upset October's mom, of all people? Whatever could he mean? :)))

-New toby power: spell reflection? Hell yeah? Also spell BREAKING, but to be fair she did do that one other time. In, you guessed it, book 1.

- "When I tried to picture Sylvester's face, I kept seeing Simon's instead" ow oof

- Simon calling Amandine "Amy", which we've established is an affectionate nickname (it being what, you know, THE LUIDAEG calls her). Why would Simon, of all people, call her that?

... oh.

-That sure explains a LOT, huh? That sure was set up... this whole time, huh?

-Little "fuck you" lines like "I didn't know Sylvester had a niece" in book 2. Talking about January. Well, uh, he has several actually! You're one of them!

-Explanation for why Sylvester had any inclination to be October's mentor... eventually becoming her liege and father figure... even giving her the Changeling's Choice (something family is supposed to do). It seems mighty convenient that a random noble was involved in the life of a changeling to such an extent. BUT, if he was her uncle, and knew his brother wouldn't step up? Well...

-This isn't even the biggest reveal of the book. Like, we're only a handful of chapters in and this bomb gets dropped.

-Sylvester, every 10 minutes: oh boy I cant wait to see my brother so I can like, completely eviscerate him!

Everyone else: uh,

- Tybalt: and here I thought I was going to have to ask Sylvester for his blessing. Now I technically have to ask SIMON?

Toby: uwotm8

Tybalt: oh god uhh I'm joking yeah uhh I'm just trying to distract you from all this stress :)) yeah (nailed it!)!

-And now we begin the "wow Sylvester is actually not a great person" slide. It's been hinted at that he's pretty unstable and has shitty priorities regarding people he cares about. But Toby glossed over a lot of it because she adored him. Welp.

- It's also an interesting aside that Etienne was kind of a dick to Toby for a reason in the earlier books. He legit thought she had been knighted because she was family, not that she had earned the post. And after the last few books he clearly knows now that that's not the case and they've actually become friends. That's interesting hidden character development.

- ok so The Gang finds out that Simon was telling the truth when he said turning Toby into a fish for 14 years was to save her. Because he had actually been hired to KILL her and didn't want to do it. So it was a loophole-- everyone thought she was dead, and then (as established in book 1) pretty much everyone forgot she existed until the spell broke.

-BUT Simon is bound by a geas (where have we seen that before) and cannot divulge his employer's name. But who had such a grudge against Toby and/or her mom to order a hit on her AND forcibly bind everyone to secrecy?

-who knows? Not toby. So they go to The Luidaeg to maybe get a lead, and she establishes right away that she is ALSO bound under a geas and can't say who did it. So we play some 20 questions, and then...

ULTRA DISTRESSING LUIDAEG LORE :((((

-additional: another month name just came into play. August. Toby's half sister, missing for a century. WHAT IS WITH THE MONTH NAMES

- "please don't mistake villainy for evil." That's an.. interesting quote re:Simon.

- Simon's way of protecting toby from the impending threat is "well maybe you turn into a tree for a few centuries but like. You're safe, right? Why are you mad?"

- The Luidaeg: *is straight up dead*

Toby: hey tybalt remember that time in book 2 when I Resurrected the Dead

Tybalt: yeah, it was fucking terrifying and I didnt speak to you for 6 months

Toby: *finger guns* guess whaaaaaat

-The Luidaeg: *says just. A bunch of Lore*

Toby: Luidaeg dont you dare drop that cryptic shit on me then pass out

Luidaeg: nap time

-"If you so much as whisper the first word of a transformation spell, I'll have your larynx in my hand before the second word can form." DAMN, Tybalt.

-Simon: I am VERY sorry for my bullshit earlier. I can't tell you who my employer is, but I CAN give you this BOUQUET of ICE COLD ROSES. Ice cold, like winter. Winter Roses, if you will. Yeah. Uh have a nice life, bye!

Everyone: well this sure is a mystery

-Simon is definitely a morally grey character. Has done really awful shit, is built up as a major villain... but turns out he had relatively little control over his actions. He does the wrong thing a lot but it's usually not for a truly evil end? If the context is to be believed he got stuck in the geas contract with Unnamed Employer to save his daughter, which explains the bad shit he did that we know of. Which then inadvertently kicked off like the whole series. He seems to genuinely care about Toby in a warped way? It would be so easy to write him off as an evil stepdad or whatever and there's plenty of canon to support that stance (she's an illegitimate CHANGELING child) but he seems like he wants to just be her dad. I hope we explore his character more, is what I'm saying.

-And not to keep rambling about it but Toby is an established unreliable narrator and a horrible (initial) judge of character. So it's not like this is an asspull or off base at all.

Twist of the fucking century here.

-You know... the character who set off the events of the series? The character who was murdered in book 1 and bound October to a geas forcing her to find the culprit or die? Evening fucking Winterrose?

-There were hints, most very subtle unlike the other big twists, but probably the biggest one is SHE NEVER SHOWS UP AS A NIGHT HAUNT. And they're in the story quite a bit, and they ALWAYS feature killed off characters. Except Evening.

-My favorite hints were the ones just piled in book 1. Comments like "no one knows who Evening really is" said with zero self awareness. Because we are actually about to find out who she is... 7 goddamn books later.

-dead meme but "surprise, bitch. Bet you thought you saw the last of me."

-God she's so awful lol

-Toby thinking Quentin died then calling him THE SON SHE NEVER HAD is a BIG OOF right to the HEART. ;-;

-The book also points out that The Luidaeg through the series has ALWAYS referred to Evening in present tense. Even though she "died" in book 1.

-The Luidaeg ALSO never refers to her as Evening. It's always "The Winterrose". You know, a title. Which we have heavily emphasized is something the Firstborn use in place of their true names.

*jazz hands* Surprise!

-We also (finally) have a canon explanation for the... rather remarkable coincidence that Quentin, the fucking Crown Prince (from TORONTO), is in San Francisco at all. It was always weird he got sent to Shadowed Hills, and it's been commented on multiple times... Evening arranged it, of course! For reasons we don't quite know. But as the Daoine Sidhe Firstborn, her descendants couldn't exactly say no. Even though they didn't know who she really was.

-We really are falling all over Firstborn in this series? It sure is.. an odd coincidence, huh?

We got:

The Luidaeg: Roane/Selkie

Amandine: Dochas Sidhe

Acacia: Blodynbryd

Evening: Daoine Sidhe

Blind Michael: ... uh actually I don't think we ever learn what race he's Firstborn of. All his "children" are kidnapping victims forcibly twisted into monsters. Well, except for Luna, but we only know the Blodynbryd side.

But it's weird that for being so rare that we've run into 5 of them in 8 books. There's gotta be a reason for it.. but what?

-Luna starts the series as Toby's Surrogate Mom and is now just straight up an enemy huh

-I made this observation in my book 1 notes, but I find it very interesting that all of Toby's initial friends and allies... aren't by this point. Whereas her current allies are either former enemies or people she initially disliked or distrusted.

Starter allies: Sylvester? Was lying to her the whole time. Luna? Pretty much tried to sacrifice her (+above). Evening? Uhh this whole damn book. Devin? Tried to kill her for personal gain. Lily/Connor? Both killed off for real.

Current allies: Tybalt? Literal former enemy turned lover. Quentin? Kind of a snotty, vaguely racist kid she whips into shape. The Luidaeg? Extremely powerful witch who Toby assumes is True Neutral and wouldn't hesitate to kill her. May? Literal personal walking death omen.

It's just a cool reversal. There's so much really excellent character development in this series and I love it.

-Simon still is a pretty major bastard but.. less outright mustache twirling evil than we were led to believe up to this book. You learn his Backstory and while it really doesn't justify his actions it does...explain them.

-Blink and you miss it Lore: August is missing because she entered a contract with the Luidaeg. She's holding the candle from book 3 :)))

I'm starting to realize I stan The Luidaeg so hard I just have to take a picture every time she shows up and does stuff lmfao. (Best character).

-But... nothing like your inconceivably ancient and powerful aunt suddenly owing you a life debt, I guess???

-Toby. You know, just an ordinary weak changeling who has somehow managed to KILL A FIRSTBORN and RAISE THE DEAD. yikes.

I'm just putting this here cause it's funny as shit. Tybalt really is just... a cat

This book: I heard you like distressing Luidaeg lore??

Me: oh thanks I don't need to feel things

-God Evening is awful. Like, if you didn't know that already, see above.

-It says something about The Luidaeg that despite all that shit their Firstborn did to her she ends up becoming such good friends with Quentin, a Daoine Sidhe?

-BIG LORE with The Luidaeg talking to Maeve??? And Maeve "responding" kind of? This series damn well better explore what the fuck happened to those three it's been built up all series

-Omg the showdown with Evening and The Luidaeg. And Toby managing to break free and realize she deserves so much more than Evening-- all without magic. And Simon showing up for a last minute redemption trying to hit Evening with elf shot? I mean he gets shot in the process, but...

-We now have like, 3 or 4 characters just... asleep indefinitely thanks to elf shot. that's gonna be a Thing isnt it. Rayseline, Evening, Simon, Arden's brother...

WE DID IT BOYS

-This is the last full one I've already read. Most of my reactions in 9-12 are gonna be new. So.

#long post #i mean it's under a cut.. but

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impivus · 6 years ago

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very rushed very shit intro comin @ you all but here goes nothing ! i’m felix from the gmt tmz, i use he / him pronouns, and im gonna power nap any minute now because one thing you should know about me is that i’m eternally on the verge of passing out from minimum exertions during the day. this is my pain in the ass eunsu: not even going to sugar coat it - he’s the human personification of a headache dumpster fire all in one beefy package and i really don’t even blame your character if they just . ignore his presence because, me too !

under the cut there’s some information about him if you want to get to know more about him regardless. smash that mf heart if you want to plot.. and i will get to you ? sometime ? its an ambiguous promise but i keep them, discord is also an option so just ask if you’d prefer to plot on there. eun’s about is here but no plots as of yet because life is hard and We Cant all Have Everything

aka im lazy

* ☾ ✧ * º ━━ is that KIM JONGIN walking about ? nope ! that’s just EUN SU CHO. & i’ve been told that they work as a INFORMATION BROKER ! apparently, they are TWENTY FIVE ( 204 ) years old . some people say they are a CISMALE, DEMON ! HE is very CULTIVATED & INTUATIVE but also DECIETFUL & MENACING. i wonder if they are just as odd as the rest of us . ⇢ SYNOPSIS. MBTI TYPE / entp, the debater ZODIAC SIGN / scorpio ENNEAGRAM TYPE / 7w8 KINSEY SCALE / 3 MORAL ALIGNMENT / chaotic evil / neutral HOGWARTS HOUSE / slytherin ⇢ AESTHETICS.

goosebumps raised and feelings of growing dread, the dark corner of a room where light doesn’t reach, silver pocket - watches with dead batteries, the scratch of a record player needle, flares in the sky, bad ideas coming to life, half-assed clapping when it’s required, figures dancing within the shadows & a smile you shouldn’t trust .

⇢ OVERVIEW

literally anybody: when are you free? eun su: im forever imprisoned in my own personal hell so i am never truly "free" but i don't really have plans all next week except for monday

this is eun su, and will y’all believe me if i say he used to be a good egg before he turned into the rotten egg i’m presentin y’all with today ?? i kid u not.. bs free zone. he did once .. have a hort he was born to a cult of witches, his twin brother absorbing all the magic that was meant to be equally distributed between them in his mother’s womb, which pretty much left eunsu as the black sheep of the family. said cult had been living on a small, near enough desolated island for literal decades, entertaining themselves with magic, seeking out knowledge, observing the unassuming populace, and toying with other supernatural creatures who dared cross their paths. unfortunately for eunsu’s family, tragedy struck when one of his aunt’s tried to over throw the high priestess ( his mother ) in their coven. unyielding in her position and untouchable to the magic she was exposed to, her sister went about other ways to break the woman’s spirits, dabbling in black magic predominantly to achieve her goals. eunsu’s brother was, thus, cursed before he was even born with an incurable heart defect that would see him dead before he reached double figures. eunsu’s mother was broken not mourned over how much he missed out as on a child: but she mourned for the fact that he was the only child that harboured any magic in their veins, the only child that could’ve carried on their lineage. queue entrance of eunsu and his Whats the Worst that Could Happen Attitude. being young and naive, thought he could’ve been able to solve it by himself, solve the issues and earn his mother’s lacking affections. eun had heard about dark vessels that could miraculously grant wishes through summonings. though he didn’t have magic in his veins he had a fire in his heart, and after all, demons cared not for who or what they fed from: so long as they appeased their hunger. all it wanted in return was a good, pure soul, and that’s what the demon stole from him before it mended his twin brother’s heart, giving the boy a new lease of life that wasn’t intended for him from the start. pity that eunsu died before he got to the age of twenty, following a quick and hungry fever that overtook his frail body and too soon turned deadly. there was no surprise that, come judgement day, he was turned away at the gates of heaven, in exchange for becoming one of lucifer’s own.

as a result of being eternally cursed with immorality and a tainted soul, he's lived some hundred-odd years and is coping by making the current populace in jeonseoul suffer along with finding purpose in digging out the secrets of his past life, mayhaps trying to find the demon who cursed him.... which could definitely be a wc.. and strengthening his abilities as a demon.

his personality is a bit insufferable; eunsu keeps himself distant and cryptic, because he likes it that way. he's a real weirdo ( if u have ever watched hxh he’s hisoka.. THAT weird ) that's hard to forget: completely mischievous, dramatic, and malicious to boot. some days he's waxing poetic about the futility of having a sense of justice and the next he's using his demonic powers to make some innocent tourist think they're hallucinating as they attempt to walk into a steady flow of traffic.

ultimately life's a game to him and bih.. he’s here to have fun ! he's outlived his actual family and friends ( well, aside from his brother who he barely remembers, prolly be a wc if anyone’s interested ) and he's not looking to get attached to anyone. it would be great to Die because it’s his forever Mood but he also gets furious if anyone tries to actually expel him for real - so he'll simply prod at the world and its people until he gets the reactions he wants.

fair warning: it is a pain to genuinely care about eunsu and not many people will wanna do it. he comes and goes into people's lives as he pleases, stops reaching out once he's bored and only ever grazes the surface of a relationship based on its worth or his curiosities, innocent ppl, cute ppl, etc are just gonna be eaten up by him then dropped.

the people who will be closest to him are doubtlessly other demons ig ? but he also hates y’all too so.. don’t get too friendly like he’s not here to make friends he’s here to be Jeonseoul’s next top Demon. also since he died sumn like 200 years ago it’s possible some wizards / familiars knew of him and his coven, it’d be super interesting for someone to have known cute human eunsu in exchange for chaotic bastard demon eunsu

⇢ MISCELLANEOUS

since he’s a young demon, his horns are small and his wings barely span about two inches above his shoulder bones, he got itty bitty bat wings lbr he’s kinda pissed abt it. there’s tattoos over his scars from clashing with other demons / hunters / angels, but his devil’s mark lining the back of his neck, performed by first demon who took his soul, has never faded away.

he also works as an info broker, which ties in with the fact that he’s a contractual demon ! it's more of a hobby than a job, something he does for kicks and to restock his gambling money and alcohol money, but he offers a helping hand to solo clientele for private cases if need be, just remember to bring your negotiation skills because his manipulation skills are a1.

he's well-versed in witchcraft even if he can’t actually possess the abilities that actual witches can. while hardly the mentoring type, he could be convinced to equip people with his knowledge of latin, spells or dark magic they want if he's interested enough. then again he might decide to screw them over for kicks so ask him for favours with caution.

for someone who carries a ton of spite and secrets, he passes as an easygoing, casual literature major on the daily to disguise his true intentions. find him at the university pretending to be a student and failing miserably at it like edward’s thousand year old ass in twilight

he cheats at the casino with his demonic powers but does it infrequently enough to pass it as luck. play games with him at your own risk. casinos are one of his favourite places but he can really be found anywhere with ease but some other places he frequents are: beaches, libraries, museums, bars, etc !

he'll get on people's nerves, but getting him to care to the degree of hate is another story. living this long has numbed him; people don't surprise him anymore and he doesn't care to spend time thinking about others. the secret to getting him to turn deathly serious is as simple as telling him you can tell that he was once a good person - because the cheesy truth is he was. he just convinces himself that he's given up trying to remember his human life and finds it easier to live like he’s dead.. yknow which he is.

romance makes him queasy, he's a spiteful old bastard and the concept of sweet love rubs him 100% fictional. there's someone he fancied before he was cursed but i'll save you the story: that's a distant dream now.

he might quote romantic works or put some pretty words together but he's fake as Fuck. if he notices someone innocent and unsuspecting crushing on him they are in so much trouble. he'll kiss their hand then twirl them right off a cliff. corruption kink central right here laid ease

as of rn he’s trying to master how to teleport and shadow control but he really is like on level one and he’s got to get up to level 50 to achieve even a fifth of what these other demons can do

edit: i totally forgot to include eunsu’s ‘demonic’ title after he was banished to the perils of hell. it’s ironically just saint, and he goes around using that bc it’s blasphemous and a big ole middle finger to god himself. nobody will know his real name, but if there’s an off chance that they do, that’s a massive threat to eunsu and he’ll get his Snipers on Scene

tl;dr:

#oddintro #. I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE ── / OOC. ❞#so this is. a thing!

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andallhisausterenhost · 6 years ago

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After Action Report: Aeldari Civil War

As you are all aware, last week @littlemangsofwar and I had an Eldar-on-Eldar game against each other.Unfortunately, I haven’t had the right kind of headspace to do a proper narrative report like I did the last time we played a game of 40k. It’s a real shame, as @littlemangsofwar has done a great job with his army list - every unit, every vehicle, every squad leader has a name. It’s actually really cool.

Zariah the Swift, Consort of Hesperax leads his Wyches, (alongside Lilith herself, of course), while Dalinah the Proud, Tairin Bloodsinger, and Olrai the Brutal lead bands of Kabalite falseborn atop the Raiders Silent Blade and Bringer of Sorrow.

In lieu of a proper after action report, I’ll share with you the photos I took during the game to show off @littlemangsofwar‘s moody green paint scheme (which looks fantastic). @idisimages came along about halfway, so some of hers are sprinkled in this post as well.

Next time I’ll keep track of the action a bit more carefully - maybe with some notes, or at least photographing turn dice or something, and I’ll put some actual effort in! Mangs* and I are hoping to have fortnightly wargames of some kind, so hopefully the after action report tag can get some real use on this here blog.

We each took a 1700 point list. Mine was pure Dark Eldar in three Patrols and an Auxiliary (understrength Incubi); a small band of the Coven-I-have-yet-to-name, every Cult unit I owned, and all my Kabalites. I even brought the unpainted Scourges and a squad of 3rd edition Mandrakes I intend to sell.

Mang’s band was a Battalion of mixed Dark Eldar, plus the Ynncarne in an Auxiliary Support Detachment. He therefore played his guys therefore as a Ghost Eldar army, but didn’t actually get to reap the benefits of it very much, which guiltily makes me feel like I was at an overwhelming advantage during the game.

Our mission was two-fold; Take and Hold and Kill the Courier. As Kill the Courier becomes a Sudden Death match (which is a bit boring), we decided that a courier-killer would get an extra 5VP. That meant it was enough to be seriously overwhelming in one direction or another, but not instantly end the game.

I think that next time, I’d like to play some Maelstrom game that requires constant drawing of Tactical Objectives. Some of them look really fun! Especially the insane Dark Eldar objectives like ‘hurt everyone in the other army in different ways’. Hilarious.

Deployment was the pointy ‘meet in the middle’ wedge. You can see the centre of the board (red marker, above), at the edge of an pre-Fall ruin. Most of the board was pre-Fall ruins, with the pathetic remnants of the buildings of some servitor race lying crumbling amidst the ruins.

The Ynnari and their cultist minions are seeking ancient Eldar artifacts, while the Kabal of the Sun Betrayed, ever eager to collect and preserve the past in their own brilliant, venomous way, are here to do the same. Conflict ensues.

I deployed the new Coven units on the pointy edge, with the swamp on my right forward swarming with Cult of Splintered Sight beasts. On my left flank was the rest of the Cult, as @littlemangsofwar had deployed his own Wych units there (including Lelith). I thought it was be fun to have the two gladiator gangs fight it out.

It was fun, but mostly for Mangs. I charged into the fray, firing as much darklight weaponry and as many plasma grenades as I could muster to bring down one of his Venoms, so that my Wyches could at least chew on some vulnerable flesh, but nothing worked.

Eventually, the cultists of the Wych Cult of Strife got out and, even without Cult special rules, started cutting through Wyches. My last few fled under the onslaught, only the Succubus surviving to fall back and await another opportunity.

Eventually (turn three or so), I did get revenge, as I was able to deep strike my Scourges exactly 9″ from the Succubus Zariah the Swift; she was burned alive by four heat lances. A truly murderous debut from my scourge mercenaries, who now deserve a coat paint! I’m just a bit anxious about their cool wings.

Here are @littlemangsofwar‘s Scourges from the back, so you can see the nice job he’s done.

In the centre of the board was where all the fun was. Mangs opened the game by incinerating my Clawed Fiend and summoning from his tortured corpse the Ynncarne! In colours of lavender and pale green, looking the very image of the last hopes of a tormented civilisation in decline.

His squad of jetbikes then charged the one of mine positioned nearby and, despite losing one lad on the way in, did proceed to cut into them pretty neatly. In the swamp itself, my beasts hurled themselves into the Ynncarne who... yeah, he just sliced them to bits. It did hold him up for a turn! That was nice!

Mangs also blasted the hell out of my newly painted Haemonculus and his little friends - which, to be fair, I did have them sitting on an objective for a reason. They absorbed a tremendous amount of fire, which was pretty cool. That was all they did, until I used that stratagem in the late game which allows you to bring them back, at which point they marched back to the objective and held it again. Very fun, if not very nice of me.

On my right flank, Mang’s two falseborn squads hunkered down in cover while my trueborn flew around in their venoms. I made little pew pew noises, and had a grand old time... and then my Blasterborn squad evaporated the Ynncarne.

I feel bad about that.

My Archon and his Incubi bodyguard, despite losing a couple mates to heavy fire, took care of the Ynncarne’s Reaver pals. I then advanced him to join with the Haemonculus and fight Varathi the Silencer and Varathi’s Blades. Unfortunately, those Eldar on the Path of the Warrior (however debased) fell before these two aeons-old monsters.

I want to acknowledge at this point that Mangs had some pretty rotten luck and I, uncharacteristically, was rolling pretty well. The Voidraven Bomber, despite its terrifying nature in the fluff, did something somewhere between fuck- and piss-all. I lost a few wounds off the Raider you see there on this fly-by, but not enough to take it out.

It was about this point where we were willing to call it. @littlemangsofwar‘s ghosts were all but spent. He still had a bit of a lead in terms of points, thanks to taking two objectives early while I was faffing about shooting him from gunboats. We agreed it wasn’t enough, as I was beginning to secure the objectives myself and had vaporised his courier (the Succubus).

However! I did do something for a bit of a lark which would be a terrible idea in a serious game: I decided to fight Lelith Hesperax with Me’draus the Eclipse, Archon of the Kabal of the Sun Betrayed, the Sunkiller, the Vral’wern’a, &c &c. I mean, I also had the Succubus** join in. I’m not an idiot.

So even though @littlemangsofwar had generously called the game for me, we decided to see how the brutal melee would go.

I did not go well. Me’draus had his shadowfield fail in the very first roll of the dice, of course, and so Lelith butchered him in a single round of combat. While the Splintered Sight Succubus did manage to inflict a flesh wound on the succeeding round, Lelth quickly put her down as well.

The Haemonculi would charge Me’draus a premium for such a foolish, arrogant waste of his cloned flesh!

Result: VICTORY

See below the cut for a brief summary of our respective lists.

Kabal of the Sun Betrayed: Alliance of Agony

The Kabal of the Sun Betrayed uses the Kabal of the Flayed Skull attribute. Why not the Kabal of the Black Heart? Because Vect is really bad writing and I hate him, that’s why. Anyway. List:

Archon (agoniser; soulthirst)

2 x 10 Warriors (splinter cannon; sybarites have pistols)

2 x Raiders (splinter racks, trophies)

2 x Trueborn (one with shredders, one with blasters; shredder dracon has phantasm grenades)

2x Venoms (trophies; shredder carrier has snares)

Scourges (4 x heat lances)

Incubi (x4)

These had to go in a fourth detachment (Auxiliary) because they’re below strength. Why? So that they can actually be the Archon’s bodyguard! When I finally paint a car for them, it’ll be worth it.

Means I probably can’t play in tournaments with this kind of list, which is dumb (surely paying 1 CP suffices? eh) but I’m not sure I want to play in tournaments anyway.

The Cult of Splintered Sight uses Cult of the Cursed Blade, mostly because of the +1 strength. The only time the Morale bit came up, the only remaining model was the Hekatrix anyway!

Succubus (glaive, hypex, parasite’s kiss, treacherous deceiver)

totally forgot about treacherous deceiver!

hypex because she doesn’t have a car yet

10 x wyches (one of each wych weapon; adrenalight; agoniser)

Raider (trophies, chain snares [not that I used them])

Beastmaster

4 x Khymerae

Clawed Fiend

2 x Razorwing Flocks

2 x 3 Reavers (1 heat lance each, cluster caltrops)

I modelled them with caltrops, but actually think the other one would come up more often.

The Unnamed Coven used the Prophets of Flesh for this game, but I don’t know if I’ll keep using that. It is definitely useful, but I dislike things associated with the Kabal of the Black Heart (which Urien Rakarth is), and I like the madness/Morale rules associated with the Dark Creed. See how we get on.

Haemonculus (Liquifier Gun, Scissorhand, Ichor Injector)

He was a Diabolical Soothsayer which I totally forgot about.

He’s armed as the model is, but eventually I’ll convert a more modern model for him and this model will be demoted to Wrack.

6 x Wracks.

6 x Mandrakes

These did exactly nothing after I deployed them which, eh. I really like the new (well, 2010 is new to me) models, though...

Lelith’s Band: Cultists of Death

Lelith Hesperax

Zariah the Swift (Succubus)

blast pistol

3 x 10 Warriors (blaster, dark lance, blast pistol, power sword)

These guys are seriously well-equipped, but unfortunately not well equipped against other light infantry.

Lelith’s Concubines, 10 x Hekatrix Bloodbrides

Led by Elaria the Savage, Syren

Varathi’s Blades (5 x Incubi)

Varathi the Silencer

Jaik’s Band (6 x Reavers)

The Purple Rain (5 x Scourges)

Led by Naimari the Silent with a blast pistol.

1 x Haywire Blaster

They’re actually equipped with soup, but @littlemangsofwar had to shave some points for an even match-up.

Kondro’s Bane, Voidraven

Very disappointed in this unit’s effectiveness. Shatterfield missiles do a lousy 1 damage? D6 shots, 3+ to hit, 3+ to wound means you’re only going to do, like, two damage with the thing per turn. Void lances are better, sure, but you still only get two shots.

Bringer of Sorrow, Silent Blade

Raiders

Sharpstrike, Swiftkill

Venoms

The Ynncarne (1 x Greater Daemon of Ynnead)

Absolute monster, but I think I managed to get lucky on my first time facing him and do exactly what you should do against him: pin him down with chaff and then blast him with, uh, blasters.

Anyway, it was a great game, and @littlemangsofwar continues to be an absolute gentleman to play wargames against. He said he had fun, and that we might even start doing this regularly! (I think I said that above? That was like an hour of typing ago...) That would be great, right?

Our next game may be an intro game of Full Thrust because: spaceships. Otherwise, maybe some Kill Team, or potentially another game of 8th edition 40K. I haven’t actually had the time to get any painting done this week, but I wouldn’t mind trying out the new scouts. Or maybe the Kabal of the Sun Betrayed could make some slaves of his Imperial Guardsmen...

We’ll have to have a bit of a chat about it!

*Writing out his full tag each time is like calling someone by their full name in casual conversation. It’s bloody annoying.

**I really, really need to give her a name!

#after action report #wargaming #miniatures #warhammer 40k #science fiction #games workshop #citadel #dark eldar #unrestrained ravagings #there is only war

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