#you can’t colonize your own fucking land

[mywitchyblog]

It has to be said

Let’s cut the bullshit. You can’t sit there and preach about how "wrong" it is for someone to shift into a BIPOC identity while you’re out here shifting into some "fictional" race and acting like it’s all good.

Newsflash, asshole: It’s the same damn thing. Shifting into any race—real or fictional—comes with its own set of cultural, historical, and ethical baggage. If you’re gonna throw shade at someone for exploring a BIPOC identity, then you better be ready to throw shade at yourself for shifting into that elf, Na’vi, or whatever the fuck else you’re fantasizing about.

Here’s the deal: Whether you’re shifting into a BIPOC identity to understand a different version of yourself or diving into some fantasy race that’s basically a watered-down version of real-world cultures, you’re engaging with the same concepts. The only difference is that one makes you uncomfortable because it’s closer to home. But if you think you can hide behind a “pretty pink bow” of fiction to justify your shifts, then you’re just fooling yourself.

You want some examples? Here they are:

1. The Na'vi from "Avatar": The Na'vi are a blatant allegory for Indigenous peoples who have been fucked over by colonization and cultural erasure. Their culture, spirituality, and even physical appearance are deeply inspired by various Indigenous cultures. Shifting into a Na'vi and then having the nerve to criticize someone for shifting into a BIPOC identity is straight-up hypocrisy. You’re enjoying the "noble savage" aesthetic while turning a blind eye to the real-world struggles that inspired this fictional race.

2. X-Men (Mutants): The mutants in the X-Men universe are a metaphor for marginalized groups, particularly racial minorities and the LGBTQ+ community. They experience discrimination, fear, and oppression, just like BIPOC people in the real world. Shifting into a mutant identity and then shitting on someone for exploring a BIPOC identity? That’s some next-level hypocritical bullshit. You’re playing out a power fantasy of fighting against oppression while ignoring the very real struggles that others are trying to explore and understand through their shifts.

3. Twi’leks and Other Star Wars Aliens: Twi’leks and other alien species in "Star Wars" often have exaggerated features that mirror ethnic stereotypes, and their treatment in the narrative often reflects colonial attitudes. Shifting into these aliens while criticizing someone for shifting into a different race is absurd. You’re embodying a fictional race that’s a clear stand-in for real-world marginalized groups while trying to police how others choose to explore their own identities.

4. The Fremen from "Dune": The Fremen are depicted as desert dwellers with a deep connection to their land and a fierce resistance to imperialism, drawing heavily from Middle Eastern and North African cultures. Shifting into this race while bashing someone for shifting into a BIPOC identity is a prime example of enjoying the exoticism of another culture without acknowledging its real-world significance.

2. Elves in Fantasy Literature: Elves are depicted with exaggerated European features—tall, slender, sharp, angular faces—basically the "Aryan" beauty ideal cranked up to eleven. The romanticization of these features, while totally ignoring their roots in racist purity movements, is downright disturbing.If you’re shifting into an elf while slamming someone for shifting into a BIPOC identity, you’re perpetuating a fucked-up double standard. You’re engaging in a fantasy that upholds white-centric beauty while denying someone else the right to explore a version of themselves that aligns with a BIPOC identity.

The real issue isn’t about whether it’s right or wrong to shift into a different race; it’s about the double standard you’re applying. If you think it’s okay to shift into some fantasy race but not a BIPOC identity, then you’re the one with the fucked-up priorities. Shifting is all about exploring different versions of yourself, whether that’s through race, species, or whatever. So, stop being a fucking hypocrite and either accept it all or shut the hell up.

Next time you wanna criticize someone for race shifting, take a look at your own damn shifts. If you’re doing the same thing under the guise of “fantasy,” then you’re just as guilty of the shit you’re trying to call out. Stop acting like one is more acceptable than the other. Either own your shit across the board or get off your high horse.

This kind of hypocrisy shows that you’re more comfortable with the idea of exploring different identities when they’re wrapped in a "pretty pink bow" of fiction, but you balk at the idea of someone exploring the full spectrum of human experience, including the struggles and strengths that come with being BIPOC.

No more excuses. It’s time to face the reality of what you’re doing and start thinking critically about the implications of your shifts. Stop hiding behind the fantasy and start acknowledging the real-world context of the identities you’re exploring.

[ss244]

Twisted wonderland Steven universe Au

Disclaimer: English isn’t my first language and this isn’t proofread, this is a wip.

This Au will be called Twisted universe,look at the end to see some sketches of the Au

Some basic facts about the au:

* In this Au I will try to put some characteristic from the game and try to adapt them in Su universe, for example, even tho the gems can summons specials weapon they also have some special powers which is their *unique magic*, if you use too much magic you will start to gain *blot* in your gem which will lead to an *overblot*

* There are two planets (night raven and royal sword) and both of them have their own leader which are black diamond (Crowley) and withe diamond (the headmaster of RSA) both of these planets have seven nations and the leaders have their own court of other less important diamonds which they appoint as the ruler of each nations,

* Previously there was a war between the two planets in which some of the previous leader of the continents have been shattered and even for those few who survived Crowley decided to replace them with their successor for a brand new start for the new era of peace

* Sometimes gem can come out “wrong” and have difficulty to use any weapon, they only can use magic in a moderate way, these gems are called ‘monsters’ they are called like this because they don’t really have a specific gem and they also have a different body from other gems, only the dangerous monsters gets shattered

* In this Au the gems are like humanity, I mean that they used the resource from theirs planet and other planet that they have colonized to create buildings, technology ecc.., but all they create is more advanced to what we have.

* Unlike in SU, in this Au the gems can’t heal the scars they have and they aren’t born directly as adults, they also have the normal stages of lives, except for dying

* Actually Crowley isn’t the most powerful diamond, it’s malleus but he has no intention to take Crowley position, his only interest are the people from his nation and plus even if Crowley is irresponsible as fuck he isn’t doing anything to get in malleus way

* Yuu role in the story is basically the same, that got transported in another word and they are trying to find a way home hopping between lands

* Every leader of a nation has it’s court

Heartslaybul court:

This is Riddle Roseheart court, he is a really strict leader some may also call him

a tyrant but don’t let him hear you you may find yourself with a cracked gem or if your lucky in isolation with a collar on your neck if his loyal pearl, Trey Clover, manage to calm him down.

Even tho Trey seem kind and calm, don’t let him fool you, he will watch your downfall all of the sake of his Diamond.

Don’t worry, everyone is not so evil in Riddle’s court, when you feel sad the refreshing attitudine of a certain spinel called Cater Diamond can make you feel better even tho sometimes he might be a little too overbearing with the camera always pointed at your face.

Let’s not forget about two of your dearest friends! A certain ruby and a lapis who are always by your side in the worst situations,

Ace Trappola and Deuce Spade!

Savanclaw court:

This court is ruled by the strong orange diamond also called Leona kingscholar,

his brother got shattered in war so he is taking his place until his nephew is old enough try not to disturb him, he has a temper, Leona train the army and

his pearl,Ruggie Bucchi need to keep under control the army when Leona dooze off.

His strongest jasper is Jack Howl, since he was young he admired Leona so he trained hard to get into the army however it’s seem that the result of seeing his role model for the first time left him disappointed as Leona use dirty tricks in the battlefield.

I got lazy, I’ll continue this later, here some sketches that I’ll never finish

[embraceyourdestiny]

How are we gonna break it to the “citizens” of “America” that they are directly benefiting from the exact same thing Israel is doing to the Palestinian people that “America” did, has done, and continues to do to the Indigenous people of this so called “land of the free”?

It’s the exact same thing.

The mass genocide. The killing with disease and illness. The destruction of communities that get bulldozed over and colonizers houses get built on top of. The burying of history and death and truth and so many bodies. The brainwashing so you’ll never question their lies. America is the one who’s helping Israel with this genocide for fucks sake because they know how to do it!!

If you’re white family has lived in America for “generations” you have the blood of thousands of indigenous people on your hands. You are not from here. You are profiting off of brown death. You might not have pulled the trigger but you gleefully live on top of their bones, often literally.

If “Israel” shouldn’t exist “America” shouldn’t either.

And I know that this won’t happen soon but if you want justice in the world you at the very least have to admit the truth. The fight for Palestine is the fight of all Indigenous people across the world and that includes in your own backyard, which was stolen and has now been poisoned by capitalism and oil spills and flora death that you can’t fix but the people who originally live here can.

Land back. Death to America. Death to all colonizers. Stand with Indigenous people ALWAYS.

[yeehaw6996]

How absolutely kind of Israel to let Palestinians know when their homes are gonna be bombed. Maybe if Israel wasn’t a terrorist state hamas wouldn’t exist. If during the process of “eliminating” Hamas you are bombing and orphaning children you’re creating so many more Hamas members

the victims of october seventh weren’t as lucky. if there’s any terrorist state it’s the ‘state’ of palestine, considering they actually commit acts of terror. walking into cafes with bomb vests, constantly raining rockets onto civilian targets, the like.

israel is the most successful landback movement in history. if you look up the international criteria for ‘indigenous people’, the jewish people fit, and the palestinians don’t. the arabs colonized the area a long time ago and no matter how hard the various colonizers tried, they were unable to remove a jewish presence from the region. israel is a small space. it’s about the size of new jersey. what confuses me is why the ‘palestinians’, a cultural identity that did not emerge until after the ‘67 war, can’t be absorbed into the other arab nations in the region - oh, wait, they antagonized them all by overthrowing two governments (jordanian and lebanese).

the palestinians are the most privileged refugees in the world. they’re also the most entitled. they are the only group to have received generational refugee status. they receive the most aid in the world per capita, much of which is from israel, the people they terrorize. however, i saw a palestinian man on twitter film a video and post it to tiktok complaining about the mre he’d gotten - keep in mind, that’s the food that american service members eat? it’s a higher quality food package than typical disaster relief food?? the fuck??

now they insist the indigenous people move aside? automatically forgive the past century, past milennia, of terror and oppression, just so some overprivileged people who refuse to assimilate anywhere and demand land that doesn’t belong to them can get away with mass rape, terror, and hypocrisy?

let me ask you this - what exactly do you think the gazans would do with an airport?

don’t get me wrong, i’m not jewish. no need to throw slurs or accusations at me. i’m american, not israeli. i came into this conflict with little to no knowledge of the region and, after extensive research, came out a zionist. i leaned left before this. however these days, on this issue specifically, ben shapiro makes more sense than hasan. do you know how much that pisses me off? i hate the right! fuck republicanism in general! why do i have to agree with them? once the left starts making sense again i’ll come back, but it’s been made abundantly clear that leftists want the destruction of the jewish people like every fascist group before them.

regarding making new hamas members - i get where you’re coming from. however you underestimate the effect that a peaceful protest movement could have on the people of israel. these are not awful people, and believing such is antisemitic - and their government listens to them. why do you think they’re bombing gaza instead of extensive ground operations? they don’t want to lose soldiers and deal with their families voting against them. the jewish people can absolutely be convinced into palestinian statehood, you just need to convince them, instead of killing them. what’s the incentive for them to create another enemy state in the region?

do your own research and stop listening to the people around you. look into the jewish religion and their connection to the land. i know it’s easy to get sucked into what others think of an issue, but it’s your responsibility to form opinions for yourself. benny morris has some good books. a concise history of a nation reborn by daniel gordis is also a good one. rise above the hate around you and see the situation for what it is, and don’t shrink your historical knowledge to the past century - learn about the land if you insist on wasting the oxygen necessary for life, why don’t you.

[gojo-kisser-9000]

I’m a big fan of HxH too which Gege draws inspiration from heavily. The Chimera Ant Arc is considered one of the greatest pieces of literature by fans. The kicker is…as it was coming out in a weekly format, everyone hated it. Only after it was finished and read uninterrupted did people really start loving it. I almost wonder if that’ll happen with the Sukuna fight too.

Media Literacy curse in JJK fans is really funny to me regardless. Gojo’s racism didn’t come out of nowhere. He was already kind of sus to Miguel in JJK0. This only confirmed the allegations people picked up on then. One thing I love about Gege’s writing is future information permanently changing how you view older scenes. This is one of those times. It makes me love Gojo more tbh. (I have a soft spot for racists who try to do better.)

People are too hard on Megumi for sure (even if I find the memes kind of funny). Not a lot of people realized that he spent his 16th birthday trapped inside Sukuna all by himself. Which probably made the Tsumiki death feel even worse. (I have no doubt she forced him to celebrate it.) Then he kills his adopted father and has 0 family left and is somehow supposed to tough it out. He’s just a little boy!

Yuji has always been built bigger too. His official weight is super heavy for his height. Gege explicitly stated that was done on purpose. Smh I wish people could read.

It’s funny you say that. Visiting Hawai’i radicalized me significantly. I spent a good deal of my time picking up trash and seething at the golf courses and other severe ecological damage brought on by colonization. In an ideal world [redacted]. Anyways I think you should rant about it too.

OOOOO I WILL RANT, so sorry about this in advance btw. After that I’ll get back to JJK

So I am Hawaiian-Filipino, my father is white however I was raised by my mother who held the ideals she grew up with.

Now the problem with tourism is not only does it actively mess up the environment but it also destroys the economy in Hawai’i, which I don’t need to go over I don’t think.

BUT THE WHOLE THING, IS THAT IT IS STOLEN LAND. And Native Hawaiians are STILL being kicked out of their homes, STILL struggling with everything they lost in Lahaina, STILL struggling with the water being poisoned. And yet people STILL have the audacity to take a “cute little vacation to perfect Hawai’i”.

I can NEVER go to the islands, the islands my family are from mind you, BECAUSE TOURISM FUCKED THEM UP. The amount of disrespect tourists have for the islands is insane. I can’t speak on what tourism is really like as I have never been to Hawai’i except for when I was an infant. But I do see what Native Hawaiians say, I see the damage caused by tourists when I see content by the Hawaiians.

And it’s frustrating, so very frustrating. How can people be SO disrespectful to land that they not only visit, but actively keep colonized.

I always encourage everyone to do their own research on Hawai’i and Hawaiian culture! Especially before America comes in and colonizes them. It’s hard to find accurate sources, and it’s been a while since I’ve done my own research so I don’t have any available websites on their history.

Okay I’m stopping while im ahead. Thanks for letting me get that out!

Back to JJK

You’re so right about EVERYTHING ‼️‼️

Honestly, the weekly format is only “annoying” because they wait, expect the story to drastically change, and then get more story the next week. And it HAS to be something different or it’s Bad Writing (so incredibly NOT happy with people saying that Gege’s writing is bad, there are some iffy moments but it’s overall AMAZING)

Tbh I think the internet has ruined people’s media literacy, so I encourage everyone to write something, but you can’t outright state what you’re trying to say in your story. Let your friends guess what your story conveys, it’s a great way to help boost media literacy (it’s like if ELA class was cool)

And I think we’ve covered everything about Megumi and Yuji.

Once again thank you for talking with me, especially about things I’m passionate about! It means a lot :))

[felixstudios]

LONG RANTY ASK AHEAD; SORRY IN ADVANCE

I think people who go “oh you can’t like cogs they’re capitalists and colonizers” are… lame? I guess? I mean yeah they’re fucked up, but toons aren’t sunshine and rainbows and complete innocence: toons regularly kill cogs, albeit temporarily, unless we’re talking about Clash. Because a toon KILLED a suit in Clash. That is an important event. TOONS landed the first casualty within the Clash continuity. And even outside of Atticus, Toons regularly assault and destroy cogs! Idk if it’s the case in other private servers and continuities, but in Clash, you as the player are regularly asked to kill specific cogs to HARVEST THEIR BODY PARTS. Toons aren’t fully innocent, and Cogs aren’t complete demons. At least Cogs don’t actually kill Toons, they just make us really sad for a while! And hell, most of the time, Toons are approaching Suits first, initiating battle usually on our terms. I’m 99% sure that buildings aren’t a thing outside of Clash!

Speaking of which, to elaborate a little more on Clash Toons and their crimes, since the post that got me riled up about this was bashing Clash for having interesting characters (none of the toon npcs except Tumbles are even remotely interesting)…

Besides from Atticus actually literally dying, toons have done at least one other extremely fucked up thing. Winston is a prisoner of war. The things the Elders did to him definitely violates the Geneva Convention, mostly pertaining to the treatment of POWs like him. No matter what anyone does, SOLITARY CONFINEMENT is always unethical and fucked up. Flippy and Lowden clearly know about and seemingly SANCTION it, allowing the Elders to just… keep a man caged up in absolute isolation?! Fucked up! And that’s on top of us pretty much POACHING Suits! Taking parts of Pencil Pushers for purposefully bad pies, taking springs to shake seltzer water, toons clearly have pencils and springs of their own, and yet we get asked to kill cogs for this stuff???? And that’s just a few examples! In Daffodil Gardens, you get asked to seek out and take the bones of sellbots! Suits can be rebuilt, sure, and even flunkies get rebuilt. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not absolutely fucked up that we are killing suits to take parts of their bodies.

Also, saying someone can’t like a character because they’re evil is like… really stupid? We aren’t glorifying and romanticizing colonization or capitalism, we just find COGs more compelling than Toons. That’s how it is with villains. But it really pissed me off how they brought up all this stuff about Clash, then disregarded all the horrible shit Toons do.

Hey anon, I think this is a pretty well thought out argument. Not the most politely worded, but your point does come across easily. I'm not going to make a public statement on this topic since sharing any of my beliefs is a good way to start drama and conflicts that I don't wish to partake in.

That being said, there are exactly two objective facts I would like to point out.

In TTR and also in several of the original TTO tasks, you as the player are indeed tasked with taking parts from Cogs on several occasions. As for other servers, I couldn't say because I haven't played them.

If you're talking about Cog buildings, those have been a thing since TTO. They are not a Clash exclusive feature.

Obviously you made this ask anonymously, but if you made a blog post about it and sent it to me then I'd be more than happy to read it! I'd recommend conducting yourself professionally if you went that route because people are otherwise more likely to get very emotional and make a big deal over everything {and I personally find arguments written in a calm, professional manner much more convincing}, but it's your blog so at the end of the day it's really all up to you.

[raisedbythetv89]

Do teen girls especially - but also just kids in general - steal because they lack empathy and it’s a way to rebel or are they never taught what a sense of ownership over something feels like because we’re conditioned at such a young age that our bodies aren’t ours to do what we want with and nothing we “own” is really ours?

Girls are conditioned from such a young age that our bodies only exist for the enjoyment of men and to have children and we have no autonomy over our own bodies (don’t cut your hair short, don’t get too bulky, cover up, don’t be a slut, don’t make other people feel bad even if they hurt you, no you can’t have a hysterectomy you’re too young and you’re not married, men don’t like a lot of tattoos or piercings, you have to be “healthy” aka fit the beauty standards to be valued and taken seriously, men don’t like smart women, men don’t like women who make more money than them, THE LIST GOES ON AND ON) and that we need to be mature and nurturing so we HAVE to share everything with everyone no matter what (toys, treats you bring with you to school, your clothes - dress code literally says you don’t get a say in what you wear and what’s comfortable for you, WE DO and it’s for the sake of boys) you didn’t buy that your parents did so it’s not yours they can take it away from you at any time. As a kid everything that is “ours” is treated as communal property including ourselves. I had a teacher take my cell phone AND READ MY TEXTS in 2009.

Don’t want to hug a relative? Go to that kids birthday party or really anywhere for that matter? Give your bully a valentine? Too bad you HAVE TO and you get no say. Children are treated by society at large as communal property of the patriarchy and everything you have in your possession is a gift and a privilege so why the fuck would kids see anything else as anything other than communal property? Like you want it? TAKE IT that is what everyone else does with you so why would you not model that example set for you? (Thinking of people who get angry with you if you don’t want to share your water, gum, or chapstick if you have it in a shared space it’s OURS.)

It does seem like some parents are thankfully breaking this pattern now and empowering their children’s sense of autonomy - this post is me painting with a large brush as to what it was like being raised in the 90’s and earlier and patterns I’m noticing as I reflect on my childhood and my difficulties with boundaries as an adult and how much work it’s taking to feel ownership over my own body.

I don’t understand how we expect kids to understand ANYTHING about ownership when adults basically ensure they never get to experience that until you get a job and start making your own money basically saying you’re not allowed to own anything in our society until you participate in exploitive capitalism which is basically what is behind colonization of land and resources away from indigenous people so ya know maybe not the best system to keep upholding and raising future generations in.

[paragonrobits]

“Leave. Now.”

Doctor Zelin swallowed, feeling an unaccustomed spike of nauseating fear. Across from him, almost half a dozen towering beings that vaguely reminded him of a mix of crocodiles with turtles started down. Their faces were broad, the muscles heavy on the jawline (cybernetically enhanced, not biologically inborn), their backs massive humps covered in thick, articulated shells that moved with their motions for a surprising degree of flexibility. Even the smallest was nearly twice as wide as any human, and the largest several heads taller than him.

It was hard to read their flat, unemotive faces. The body language was tense, and their eyes were narrowed in open dislike.

He swallowed. “We’re here to help.”

The leader of the aliens, the one who had spoken, growled and took a step forward. The ground shook under their weight, and the doctor had a brief moment of sudden realization that if the approaching alien was so inclined, they could rip him apart as easily as he himself might tear apart wet tissue paper.

The air trembled with the potential for that very kind of sudden violence, and the fear was not entirely from his own side.

“We don’t want you here, human.” The leader of the aliens spoke now, more calmly, but with great effort. “We have told you this, repeatedly. We told you this when we denied your offers, we told you this when you put it up for legislation, and we told you when we denied permission to land, and you landed anyway.”

The doctor raised his hands beseechingly. In the back of his mind, he thought: It wasn’t supposed to go like this. It was going to be easy. We were supposed to help people.

Out loud he said, “Listen, please! We’re doctors, medical specialists! We’re not here to conquer or spread any kind of propaganda or put you under any kind of influence!”

The alien leader made a short, disbelieving rumble. It conveyed, I’ll believe it when I see it. The doctor winced; already humanity had developed a very bad reputation of essentially being hegemonic colonizers, though he hoped it hadn’t been on purpose. No doubt some blocs of human interest wanted the galaxy in thrall to humanity, either viewing their own cultures as subordinate and lesser than human dominance or simply reliant on humanity for everything.

Resentment, he realized at last. Even the most well meant of dominance is still dominance, and its child was resentment.

The alien leader leaned in. “Two dozen of my people,” they said.

The doctor winced.

They stared at each other.

The doctor broke the silence. “That was an accident-”

The alien leader stepped forward again. “You killed two dozen people with your negligence, recklessness, and flagrant arrogance.” They forced calm on themselves and spoke again. “You came here with your tools and your procedures and your knowledge, and cut my people open to reorder them in healthy ways, but somehow you neglected to consider the incredibly basic fact that WE’RE NOT FUCKING HUMAN. Our biologies are completely different and all you did was find new ways to murder us. Out of sentiment. Out of pity. Out of thinking you’re so much damn better than us that of course we can’t possibly take care of ourselves!”

The doctor swallowed and looked down. “I’m sorry,” he said, and it was all he could think to say.

The alien growled. “Ask the dead if ‘sorry’ means a damn thing.” They learned forward, the doctor knowing that he had lost the argument completely. “Now, to use a phrase I think your people coined: fuck OFF.”

They left, soon after.

Humanity has finally reached the stars and found out why no one had contacted us. The universe is in a sad state. As such, Doctors without Borders, Red Cross, and many othe charities go intergalactic.

[1-deadgirlwalking-1]

7/13/2024

(I debated not uploading this one bcus of the aggressiveness but the whole point of this blog is to share my unfiltered thoughts. And like, I don't care what anyone else thinks about my very valid ways of thinking.)

Why are americans so fucking crazy I hate living here, but it’s my home and I don’t want to leave, so I can’t get away from these crazy lunatics who are deciding FOR ME whether my and everyone else’s lives are more valuable than their AR15 and smith & wesson.

“Gun rights are more important than a few childrens lives…” YOU’RE FUCKING CRAZY. YOU’RE CRAZY. THE VICTIMS YOU HEAR ABOUT IN THE NEWS ARE NOT NUMBERS ON A SPREADSHEET OR “NECESSARY SACRIFICES” THEY ARE REAL HUMAN PEOPLE, CHILDREN. WITH LIVES AND A CONSCIOUSNESS AND EMOTIONS AND LIKES AND DISLIKES AND HOBBIES AND PERSONALITIES. THEY ARE PEOPLE.

How can a person even think in this way, even when culturally in America children’s lives are seen as pure holy things, their deaths are mourned more and seen as far greater tragedies than those of older folk, they still think the living breathing life of a child is worth less than a hunk of metal, a machine of death created only to kill.

Because of “protection” and a “right to violence.” You have to daydream about overthrowing the US government with your rifle as if they don't have fucking sniper drones and bombs that can kill every innocent life in an entire neighborhood, flatten homes and schools and gardens and playgrounds that people have been living in for generations in minutes.

And they are currently doing that right now in Palastine, or whatever Arab country America deems fit to enslave exploit or colonize next after they decide to stop massacring the literal holy land, homeland of Jesus Christ. THE GOD AND MESSIAH OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL AND LARGEST PRACTICED RELIGION IN OUR HOME. THEY’RE MURDERING HIS PEOPLE. CHILDREN. CHILDREN. CHILDREN. I THOUGHT WHEN I SAID CHILDREN IT MADE YOUR HEART ACHE AND GO “so sad” BECAUSE CHILDREN ARE PRECIOUS, AREN’T THEY? WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE CARE.

Man fuck all of you, none of you people get to decide whether my life is a “necessary sacrifice” for the rights you exercise. I deserve to live, I deserve to be alive, I deserve to be safe everywhere but especially in MY OWN HOME. THE LAND WHERE I WAS BORN AND RAISED. Just as everyone else in this stupid god-forsaken country does. No one in this world deserves to be unsafe.

WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR GUN. IS GUARENTEED THE RIGHT TO EXIST. BUT NOT A PERSON. NOT AN INNOCENT CHILD WHO DID NOT CHOSE TO BE BORN WHERE THEY DID. WHY DO YOU THINK THEIR LIFE IS WORTH LESS THAN A HUNK OF METAL AND PLASTIC. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOUR WORDS. I HATE YOUR TONGUE. ONE DAY IT WILL BURN YOU. AND I’LL BE RIGHT THERE NEXT TO YOU WHEN IT DOES.

[officialtayley]

Ash, you got a long ask earlier that bothered me when I read it. To the anon who wrote that, I am begging you to learn more about this occupation because calling it a “conflict” clearly means you’ve only consumed Western media’s coverage of it. 

Saying “it's sooo fucking easy to keep tagging paramore saying that they totally should speak up while what does it ACTUALLY change?? nothing.” is just wrong cause it won’t be nothing.

paramore speaking up and amplifying Palestinian’s voice would not stop this genocide but it will create a much safer community in this fandom for our fellow muslim and Arab friends. There’s a reason why this fandom got more diverse over the years and that’s cause the band made it clear where they stand when talking about racial justice. You can’t deny that the majority of paramore fans get influenced by a lot of the stuff the band shares. I’ve seen fans attend shows from artists that the band recommends, I know fans who bought the same instruments as Taylor and zac and this is the fandom that tolerated and bought expensive ugly merch for a long time cause it had the paramore brand attached to it. Imagine if they share info on how to call congressmen to demand a ceasefire, you don’t think more fans would be more motivated to do it? Imagine if they share a donation link or team up with an organization like they have done in the past. You don’t think it will have an impact? 

Saying “I’m so sick of this narrative that paramore created expectations of them ALWAYS speaking up in EVERY injustice or tragic, y'all created this expectation. every activism is a selective activism. they never pretended they were gonna to speak up about everything.” Is just tone-deaf anon, I’m sorry to be blunt but the wording on this is insensitive.

This is the biggest thing happening in the world right now and US citizens specifically are all complicit in this cause their tax dollars are funding the IDF that is massacring innocent civilians. No one is asking them to speak about everything but how are they just gonna ignore a genocide? When the Ukraine war started, they didn’t ignore it, they even wrote a song about it because the coverage was everywhere and you couldn’t ignore it and move on with your life. Now it’s happening again but at a larger scale, Israel has now killed more civilians in Gaza in 30 days than Russia has in its entire war in Ukraine, which began over 600 days ago (this is the number from an NPR article published on nov 6 2023). How are you just gonna ignore this, how’s the band gonna make speeches about taking care of each other when they have ignored Palestinians? 

Out of all of the things Palestinians could have asked all of us, they just asked us to spread the word and share the things they posted because they know that the Western media are all on Israel's side. I’m not only mad at paramore, I’m mad at every single artist that was fine with calling out loud loud racist like Trump but now are silent when POTUS is hugging and offering billion of dollars of aid to a dictator and war criminal. Where’s billie eillish and taylor swift too? They were both proud at calling out politicians and now it’s silent too. 

Maybe it’s cause I grew up in a colonized country and I see the effects it has on its people every day here and I’m more sensitive to it but how do you look at those numerous videos of Palestinians crying over dead family members and destroyed homes and lands and not have the urge to speak up about the injustice? How do people look at that and just move on 

👏👏👏 this this this! thank you for picking it apart cause so much of it bothered me but i just didn't have the energy to go through it.

the last paragraph though, i feel like i'm sensitive to death, especially when it involves children and babies due to losing my baby sister in 2007. watching your own parents go through that pain and then also i was going through it myself, when i see those videos it's extremely heartbreaking because it's like no one cares. these families are losing each other, losing entire bloodlines, and people are somehow able to just keep scrolling without a word? it's different obviously if the content is triggering, but many of us are still able to share other things and use our voices, but outside of that, i have no idea how people can just move on with their day.

[queenwille]

this is actually so true.

they always mention it as a reply. yo, i don’t see y’all protesting or worse (and you know what i mean) against your countries so fiercely?

might it be that it’s much easier when it’s not your own fucking home and people in danger? your own culture, history and safety net (even if you don’t live there, like our dear diaspora jews 🫶🏽)? your own existence? or maybe it’s just the fact that when your own ancestors colonized your land, they did such a good job cleansing the land that they left the natives as such a minority/nonexistent and so scared for their lives that they’d never, literally never act against you? who’s the big bad genocidal state now? why won’t you just move to where you came from? y’all really can’t walk the walk, a bunch of hypocrites.

Maybe its just me, but a lot of the people who say "death to israel" and use the excuse of "I also want this for the US, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, I am supporting land back!!" Don't actually want to support land back, or at least are not promoting such with that statement.

Land back is not supposed to cause any physical harm or death. That is one of the main parts of it. Those who should "death to insert country" tend to very much want people harmed.

People need to stop turning land back into their violent blorbo revolution.

[mudaship39]

Heart of Fire Dragon Soul of Flame Phoenix and Sea Fairy Ocean Blood

A Spoken word poetry book about being a third gender queer trans native of color, an Asian Native Pasifika, and a displaced disconnected diaspora

Chapter: A Graveyard of Ghosts

You ask me why I don’t speak

You ask me why I don’t sing 

I have always spoken 

I have always sang

I have written stories 

Ever since I was a child

I have spoken

I have sang 

Ever since I was a preteen 

When I first stood in front of an audience

Performing as an actor

Performing as a poet

I thought to myself

This is how a voice

Can move mountains 

This is how a story 

Can move people

This is how a song

Can end wars

This is how a melody 

Can even calm storms

I am a storyteller 

I am an orator 

I am a storykeeper 

Its like I always had an inherent ability

To weave stories and songs

To capture the imagination of my audience 

With my voice and my song 

A dynasty of storykeepers orators and storytellers

That is my ancestral armor 

To tell stories 

To sing songs

To etch them forever

With our voices and our songs

That was the responsibility and obligation

Of my family

A dynasty of storykeepers orators and storytellers

Some etch stories with ink parchment and scroll

Others etch stories with traditional tattoos

Many etch stories with an earth voice and ocean song

I wonder other than colorful tattoos of koi fish, a Buddha, Qilin, white lotus flowers, & a tiger

How much room I need on my body

For traditional Polynesian Indigenous Pasifika black and white tattoos in Tahitian style

On my neck, chest, back, face, arms, and legs 

To tell the stories of myself, my family, my clan, & my nation 

Before genocide

Before displacement 

This was always destined to be my duty

To uphold the obligation and responsibility 

Of my family, clan, & nation 

To tell their stories 

To sing their songs

It was always what I was meant to do

My kuleana of my ancestors and elders 

Years ago when you the sky father, the earth mother, & ocean mother

Years ago when the fire dragon, the sea fairy, & flame phoenix

Gave me a gift

A voice of fire

An earth voice

Gave me a present

A song of flame

An ocean song

You didn't need to teach me how to speak

You didn't need to teach me how to sing

I have always known how to speak

I have always known how to sing

When I spoke 

When I sang

It was the closest I ever was

To my kin, my elders, & my ancestors 

I felt their mana 

Flowing through me 

You ask me why I don’t speak 

You ask me why I don’t sing 

You ask me why I don’t use my voice

You ask me why I don’t use my song

You ask me why I no longer speak, whisper, sing, scream, or roar

You of all people should know the grief and trauma in silence

You know why I can not speak your tongue 

Ripped from my mind even before I was born

You know why I can’t remember the names of certain gods, goddesses, & demigods 

Ripped from my heart and my soul even before I was even born

Language is the sword 

Religion is the whip

Of the colonizer to the colonized

My mouth grieves 

My tongue mourns

A tongue it does not remember how to speak

When I speak English 

When I try to speak French 

Is it oppression 

When I speak Vietnamese 

When I try to speak Chinese 

When I try to speak te reo maohi 

Is it empowerment

I grieve

I mourn 

Art 

Our land and seas

Our own bodies

Our dances, our food, our songs, our customs, traditions, & culture

Turned to spectacles for haole colonizer enjoyment! 

We are homeless and unhoused on our own fucking land!

I grieve words stolen from us

Robbed from us by those haole state sanctioned schools

I grieve and I mourn tattoos

Ripped from us by the ban of our culture

I lament names robbed from us

Robbed from us by missionaries through forced conversion

Gods and goddesses from across the Polynesian, Micronesian, & Melanesian diaspora

We your children used to sing your all of names in consecrated hymns

The names we were forced to forget 

Ripped by force from our minds, our hearts, & our souls

Stolen from us by missionaries and forced conversion

We grieve your names in consecrated whispers

Cultural genocide has stolen a lot from me

Displacement has robbed a lot from me

Trauma and abuse has taken a lot from me

It has taken everything from me

Including my voice

Including my song

Now when I speak

Now when I sing

All I hear is silence

There is grief and trauma is silence 

You should know that well

Do not ask me why I am silent

Do not ask me why I don’t speak

Do not ask me why I don’t sing

If I could mourn and grieve my sorrow and torment

About picking up the pieces of a broken legacy

Fixing up the pieces of a broken home

Finding meaning rootless without community 

To teach me how to be an elder and healer

To teach me how to be a storykeeper and storyteller

I’d drown the fucking world in my grief and anguish!

If I could voice every feeling of pain, grief, sorrow, hatred, & rage 

I ever had about being a marginalized Asian Native Pasifika 

I’d deafen this entire fucking world!

I’m poor and disabled 

In an ideal world 

I would be taken care of

This world would be accessible to me in terms of transportation, housing, marriage, & career

I am autistic, neurodivergent, & mentally ill disabled

In an ideal world

The way I think differently would be appreciate

Im queer, trans, & polyam

In an ideal world

Community of family, clan, & nation would come to me for advice and consul 

But this world post genocide isn’t fucking ideal is it

I’m tired of singing

I’m tired of speaking

In a world that constantly doesn’t want me to exist

That constantly tries to erase me

Just like it did my ancestors

That constantly tries to silence my voice

That constantly tries to silence my song

Just like it did my kin 

There is power in silence 

Healing is defiance

Rest is resilience 

There is power in a voice

There is power in a song

I know this 

I repeat it to myself like a mantra 

A thousand times 

In my earth, ocean, & sky mind

In my fire dragon heart 

In my sea fae aura 

In my flame phoenix soul 

It wants to speak 

It wants to sing

Yet I had to heal myself

Before I can heal anyone else as an third gender elder and healer 

They used to speak through me

They used to sing through me

I felt so much joy and contentment 

When I speak

When I sing

I shouldn't only hear my own voice

I shouldn't only hear my own song

I should hear the echoes

Of a thousand stories

Of a thousand songs

From my elders and my ancestors

Of a thousand generations of pain and anguish

Of a thousand generations of fury and rage

Of a thousand generations of hatred and loathing 

Of a thousand generations of sorrow and torment

Of a thousand generations of joy and happiness

Yet now I only hear silence

I hear my silence

I hear their silence

I hear our silence 

It is so loud

Deafening quiet

Thunderous silence

Silence I know too well 

Grief and trauma that mirrors my own

This isn’t a library or archive of stories and songs

This is a graveyard or mausoleum of a family’s legacy

My family communicates with the dead 

We can see and speak with the paranormal spiritual and supernatural 

The spirits talk to me 

And I talk to them

Yet what is so loud all around us 

Is grief corroding itself into everything

Maybe that’s why it hurt so much 

Maybe that’s why it broke me

I don’t know how to grieve and mourn 

What was robbed and stolen from me 

I understand silence

My elders and my ancestors

Traveled across land and sea to find me

I see them

I see their silent tears

They see mine

I hear them

I hear their silent screams 

They hear mine 

Their earth stories robbed from them

Their ocean songs stolen from them

My voice of fire robbed from me

My song of flame stolen from me 

I have always heard their earth voices

I have always heard their ocean songs

Now I only hear silence

They have always heard my voice of fire

They have always heard my song of flame

Now they only hear my silence

I am tired of silence 

We are tired of silence

My sacred mountain or male ancestor 

My sacred river or female ancestor

Are holding my hands

My tane/kane and wahine/vahine partners are pressing their foreheads to mine

I see my ancestors

They see me as a storykeeper, orator, & storyteller

Some are putting their hands on my back

They are sharing my hatred and loathing

They are sharing my fury and rage

They are sharing my sorrow and torment

They are sharing my calm and serenity 

I see my descendants

They see me as an elder and healer

Some are putting their hands on my chest

They are sharing my pain and anguish

They are sharing my grief and mourning

They are sharing my joy and happiness

They are whispering in my ear

They are passing down to me

Their stories

Their songs

I speak my own story

I sing my own song

[valkyriegoddesses]

Thoughts on ACOSF

⚠️ SPOILERY, SO DON’T READ IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOK ⚠️

⚔️ the good and the bad, I’ll try to get rid of the bad thoughts first and keep the positive ones for the end but idk where my line of thought would go as I recall and type so here we go

• Nesta’s journey of healing is hers and hers alone. She owes no one in the inner circle anything, they didn’t do her any favors. (Now before I delve into this, I just want to say that I see they (Feyre and Elain only) had good intentions, but I’m going to point out everywhere it went wrong, probably against what they planned, but still it went horribly wrong) She was still suffering all the same after she got her free will stripped from her, the decision made for her by packing her things without informing her or listening to her opinion or trying to have a more lenient approach to the matter, being threatened that her second option is being thrown to the human lands where she could die, being lied to about the consequences of her actions in law, being told she “belongs in the Hewn City”, being told she’s “a pathetic waste of life”, and choosing the place everyone admits they hate going to aka the House of Wind, as her destination to heal. Knowing full well she can’t make the descent down these stairs and would be imprisoned without the power to winnow. And instead of being given her space and time, they push her to talk and interact when all she’s trying to do is have some distance from everyone. Some time to herself, to not feel anything, to control the storm of thoughts raging on the inside. And she’s pushed time and time again to face her trauma and heal RIGHT NOW because apparently, they’re timing her. And she shouldn’t have her emotions on display, when she tells them she doesn’t feel like talking yet she’s forced to interact and socialize. Anyone who’s been forced to interact against their will knows how draining it is. Now imagine this coupled with being triggered by water, and being triggered by fire, which are a daily necessity. And imagine everyone got a decade or more to deal with their trauma and are still not entirely healed, yet your time is up after little over a year. It sucks. And I hate how what triggered them to action wasn’t that she was wasting away to nothing, but the bill. When the bill was high, they drew the line. And I hate how in the narrative, the “conversation” -even though I wouldn’t call it that because only one side was allowed to talk and the other side wasn’t allowed to object- was written in a way that made it about THEIR image, when she’s frequenting taverns. THEIR image, when she doesn’t show up to their parties. THEIR image when the bill for her drinking is high. (They say it’s too much money, as if they don’t have all the riches and they all spend money on things that are absolutely not necessary, and THEY drowned her with gifts, LOADS of gifts, after she sacrificed her power to save her sister, which she didn’t do for payment, but anyway the thought is, they had the money and just like they thought Amren deserves payment for what she did in the war, they should’ve kept the same energy for Nesta because she had no small role in that either). I just think they handled it badly. Not exactly how you’d talk to someone suffering from PTSD, depression and survivor’s guilt. For one, threatening a worse alternative isn’t helpful. Secondly, There were way too many people in that room. More than necessary. Feyre and Elain would’ve been enough AS HER FAMILY (and I’ll get to details on this in a moment). And Feyre was the only decent one handling it as someone who actually was looking for a better outcome and really had the intention to help, someone who wasn’t there just to humiliate. Amren and Rhys were only there to land jabs and poke at her insecurities and bad coping mechanisms. Rhys used his power on her to force her to obey him and we all know how it’s a big NO among them. Many of those in the IC had worse coping mechanisms. But what she was doing was too much for them to handle? She was self-destructing. And she kept her distance. If I told someone I needed my space and they kept poking their head in my business, I sure as hell would lash out. When someone needs space, their privacy should be respected. No matter how long it takes them.

And I don’t see where the problem with her drinking was. She never showed up to events drunk. We never saw her hungover the day after. She was spending some money on drinking yes, but it did not get out of hand. She was also spending money on food and gambling. All in all, not the worst coping mechanism among those who were criticizing her. Not to mention that everyone who criticized her were drinkers as well, and they all slept around during some part of their lives.

Now the problem with the presence of other people in that room, other than Feyre (if Elain didn’t wish to attend and preferred to have some space between her and and Nesta, it’s her choice) anyway, only Feyre’s presence was required. Everyone else there was just an accessory, only adding stress to the atmosphere, forcing Nesta to get on the defensive with the way they slut shamed her, shamed her for drinking, shamed her for not being able to take a bath even though she told Feyre how the water still scares her, etc. I can see Sarah wanted it to look like a “family” intervening. Like some tough love sort of thing. But she failed. Simply because, the IC might be Feyre’s found family and she might take such a talk from them because it would really be tough love. As for Nesta, she doesn’t view them as family. She barely knows them. So for a group of strangers, or let’s say newly acquainted people, to sit around her and point out her every flaw and shame her for every misstep, who wouldn’t lash out at that? It’s enough she’s forced to spend time among them, on holidays she doesn’t really believe in, where they force her to attend but actively ignore her presence and treat her like a ghost. Why make her come if they don’t enjoy her company? It’s just ridiculous. Then when she gets angry from all the pushing and lashes out and it’s entirely her fault. they’re all like “come to our gatherings where we will insult you, nitpick all your unhealthy coping mechanisms, but don’t be offended and seclude yourself, we all took decades to deal with our trauma and killed people while doing it but your coping mechanisms are unhealthy. And your actions are unforgivable because you lash out at us when we shove ourselves down your throat. How can you not like us? Everyone has to like us.” Then she gets thrown away to a war camp, a FUCKING WAR CAMP, while a big part of her trauma is because of war. And instead of dealing with her face-to-face, while being gentle and showing her they’re on her side WITHOUT JUDGEMENT, WITHOUT WINCING AND GLANCES AT EACH OTHER AND INNER CONVERSATIONS ABOUT HER WHERE SHE’S EXCLUDED, they’re like “we’re tired of your shit so here’s a house you can stay in while you sort this out away from our merry little circle, which has its nose up your business anyway. But still, sort it out away from us.” And in that house she became more and more closed off and her healing - and I will die on this hill - her healing DID NOT start until the house came into play which was her own doing. And it kicked off because of Emerie and Gwyn, who both didn’t judge her, didn’t demonize her, didn’t only see the bad in her, but accepted her as she was and loved every part of her. Showed her that she was not a waste of life and there are things to live for. As for the beloved inner circle? Beyond insulting her and her coping mechanisms, They don’t tell her about the weapons SHE made, because pro-colonization Amren doesn’t think it’s wise, that Nesta would use it against the world. (Amren do you hear how stupid you sound?) they always villianize her, assuming she’d be out to take the world and take revenge on everyone who ever glanced her way. They assumed she was bad, they assumed because she was angry, that she would use her power for killing and terrorizing and building an Empire like they all do. When all she wanted to do was listen to music and be around good company who passed her no judgement.

Anyway, getting into some details with each character:

Feyre: I hated Feyre’s “crying over scrambled eggs because my image is destroyed my sister spent so much money on drinking”. And the fact that when telling Nesta she was doing this for her own good, she told her she was embarrassed for her own image in the same breath. But beyond that I was fine with her. I loved her reconcilation with Nesta. I loved that she was one who wanted to give Nesta more time, recognized that she needed her own time. I love them together. I think without everyone’s interference, their reconcilation would’ve happened much faster. They were already making progress before ~some people~ ruined everything and caused Nesta to be closed off again. I don’t hate that Nesta sacrificed her power to save Feyre in the end. She’s her sister and she loves her and this is not the first time she proved this. She would do anything to protect her sisters and she hates herself for the times she misstepped. Even though it wasn’t her fault and there was a full grown man sitting there who conveniently got a redemption arc. What angers me though, is that it was only after this, that the inner circle viewed her as someone who is worth their respect. And made the sacrifice materialistic by drowning Nesta with gifts. She didn’t do it for their acceptance or for their love, or for payment. She did it because her sister needed help. Period. (Sidenote: I’m writing a post where I delve deep into their relationship, which I will eventually post, because I think I reached an understanding about their relationship)

Elain: let me get something out of the way, she has power. She has free will, she’s not a baby. She’s a grown woman who doesn’t need coddling. I hate how the fandom views her as a baby. And she’s constantly infantilized, preventing her from reaching her full potential. Now that that’s out of the way, here are my 2 cents on her, since she wasn’t in this book much: Nesta’s wording was very clear, yet I’ve seen this scene misread all over the timeline. Nesta said “I sat by your side for weeks. Weeks, while you wasted away, refusing food and drink. While you appeared to hope you’d just wither and die. No one suggested you either shape up or be shipped back to the human lands.” Nesta’s problem is NOT that Elain wasn’t “there” as in “by her side”. She explicitly stated she needed space. Nesta’s problem was that she stood between Elain and anyone who might tell her to snap out of it and lock her trauma in some dark room in the back of her head. She made sure Elain had her time. While Elain agreed to pack her bags and didn’t prevent them from shipping her away, deciding her time was up. All she wants is time, and Elain didn’t have her back on this. Then we have the fact that Elain slut-shamed Nesta. And then when Nesta comes to the party this time, Elain meets her at the door and her reaction instead of saying hi and leaving it at that or simply ignoring her, is “did Feyre pay you this time?” I’m torn on where to stand on the Elain-Nesta situation, a part of me is disappointed in Elain. I think she should’ve handled this better than anyone else because she was there, she witnessed the trauma happen, Nesta was there for her, they grew up being inseparable the entire time. If anyone should understand her better than anyone else, it’s Elain. So why did she abandon her to everyone’s judgement? And a part of me is like maybe she knew whatever she voted wouldn’t matter because the IC were taking the step anyway, and didn’t want to be there when it happened. Or maybe she’s still dealing with her own trauma in her own way and doesn’t want a confrontation. But I always circle back to the sl*t-shaming and the shaming about the drinking, and then I think about the Solstice scene where as soon as she saw her she was like “did Feyre pay you this time?” And a part of me is angry about the shaming undertone of that too, while some part of me thinks that maybe Elain felt unwanted along with everyone else and that in order for Nesta to meet them, she has to be paid, but we will never know unless we hear it from her.

Rhysand: that piece of shit, misogynist, who used his powers to compel Nesta to obey his orders, pulled rank on her, taunted and threatened her every step of the way and utilized her for his own agenda, and was *surprised* to learn the woman has trauma. Took him being inside her head and unable to wake her up from the nightmare, because the behavior she was exhibiting wasn’t enough. [insert shocked pickatchu meme]. I also would like to add that him playing the protective love interest from his mate’s own sister, WHO COULD’VE HARMED HER IF SHE WANTED TO, but never wanted to because she’s not a bad person, is so cheap. Like- you, the guy who drugged her and made her give you lap dances, are afraid for her sake… from her sister? Who only ever used words as jabs and is generally rude? Or do you feel like you’re overpowered and are trying to fill the void in your toxic masculinity and reassert dominance ?

Cassian: He was patient with her, and probably the healthiest person in the inner circle who dealt with her until she was okay, but he still silently agreed with all the shit that was said about her. Shit she didn’t deserve to be said about her as someone going through trauma. He mocked whatever progress she made on the stairs calling it pathetic in the beginning. He stayed silent when Nesta was stripped of her will, when she was told she belongs in the Court of Nightmares, when her fate was decided for her, when she was being lied to, when she was threatened to be thrown to the humans who would kill her. He made some progress and understood her better with time, but it doesn’t excuse how he stayed silent when she was being mistreated. Specially since he claims her loves her. He also stayed silent as the Inner Circle despised her presence but still used her to reach what they’re plotting for. He progressed, and he got better, I’ll give him that. But still, as someone who claims he loves her the way he does, he shouldn’t have allowed his friends to manipulate and use her in their schemes but then exclude her from everything else, even knowledge about her own power. But I love that he was patient, that he worked to understand her, that he grew to stand up for her. I would argue that they are the healthiest ship written by SJM this far.

Mor: fucking Mor, who experienced trauma, told Nesta she belongs in the court of Nightmares. Where she was abused herself. Knowing women are viewed as objects there, knowing Nesta would recieve abuse there. She said that, wishing abuse on someone who she simply didn’t like and had some quarrels with. They never saw eye to eye and that’s fine. They always had sharp tongues when talking to each other and that’s fine. What’s not fine though, is that THIS of all things, seemed so out of character for Mor. Now, she never knew Nesta was a survivor of SA. But as someone who helps SA victims, she’s the last person I expected such a comment from. It felt very out of character. I hate that this is the Bi character in all of this mess. Of all people, a hypocrite is the Bi person. The LGBTQ community deserves better. I thought about it, and maybe Mor, being like a stranger to Nesta, and seeing her ignore Cassian in front of the Illyrians who already look down on him, made her angry to the point where she just wanted to land a jab and didn’t think her words would mean anything. Maybe all she wanted to do was stand up for Cassian, but what she said was definitely not true and not okay. I wanted her and Nesta to have a talk about it, but also she grew to have decent conversations with her and she helped her when she and Cassian had that fight. So I don’t know, maybe it’s a silent progress between them.

Amren: this one told her she was a waste of life. What a great way to deal with someone who’s suffering from PTSD and depression and having suicidal thoughts, Amren. Tell them they’re a waste of life, enforce every thought they are having as fact, push them to the point where they doubt they should be breathing, and when they’re told they could tumble down a mountain and break their bones while hiking, their first thought would be “good”. Amren deserves a medal, a badge of honor for being the 500+ old woman who has healthy ways of dealing with traumatized people telling them they don’t deserve to live because the thoughts of their power and dealing with controlling that power right now is so overwhelming. Amren, who decided that because Nesta was always angry, she had no right to know that she used her power unknowingly and forged powerful weapons. Amren, who was pushing for colonization throughout this book, was afraid of Nesta misusing her power. Villainizing Nesta’s every thought, as if Nesta wasn’t overwhelmed from the thought of possessing so much power, as if Nesta doesn’t refuse to use her powers and train. As if Nesta is out there hiding as she masters her power to reemerge and turn the world upside down. You’re the one who’s pushing Rhys to colonize other territories and become high king, Amren. Maybe *you* should be locked up in the house of wind for therapy. What hurts most in this is Amren was her friend. She trusted Amren. Amren said that shitty line to her and then lied to her and manipulated her and used her to further Rhys’s agenda. She flopped from telling Feyre that Nesta is immortal and a few years are nothing, and she should be given time. She would not betray her trust, to whatever she turned into in ACOSF. And everyone give SJM a round of pats on the back and an applause for making Amren the wise one here and making Nesta, the traumatized one who was wronged, get on her knees and apologize. I mean- if you thought this apology scene was necessary, then clarification about the fight between them was just as necessary. Or you include neither scene. But deeming the apology important and not the incident? This is some victim blaming on a whole other level.

The House of Wind: The house of wind was honestly one of the best parts of this book. It was Nesta, “Lady Death” as they call her, breathing life into something, and it was gentle, and it was patient, and it was understanding, and it pushed her to be healthier without judging, without throwing insults or slut-shaming. It hated that she didn’t eat? It kept waiting for her until her body gave out and she had to eat. It didn’t like her drinking? It gave her water when she asked for wine. It showed her its darkest part where she found the greatest warmth as well, as if saying don’t be ashamed of your darkness because in it you’ll find light, and it didn’t abandon her or stop responding to her when she was angry. It was actively by her side, without any judgement, only support and pushing her to fix the behaviours without dissing her. and it was everything those people around her weren’t. It was family.

Gwyn: their first meeting wasn’t at all what you would call “friendly”, to a fault by Nesta. Gwyn didn’t even know anything about Nesta, yet she didn’t react with even more anger as ~others~ did, she didn’t fear Nesta, or give a retort, or get angry and lash out at her. She took the blow and was, with all the calm in the world, like fine, you want to tell on me, go tell. And Nesta did go tell on her, then realized by herself how she acted rashly. And later helped Gwyn without being asked to, by swapping the book so Merrill doesn’t scold her. And their friendship grew to the point where Gwyn, a traumatized person who couldn’t dare leave the library, started training with her, was her friend and had conversations with her that didn’t center her trauma or her coping mechanisms being analyzed. She went out of the library for the first time in 2 years when she knew Nesta needed her by her side. She occupied her mind with stories of Valkyries, women being strong and unyielding in a society which didn’t allow it. She took her hand and gave her a purpose in life to work for. Gave her a friend who didn’t judge, a kind face in the maelstorm of judgemental faces. Until she felt like a safe space to Nesta to the point where she spilled all her thoughts, the ones she could only admit to herself, to Gwyn, letting her inside those walls. And when she braced for judgement, she didn’t receive it. Gwyn dealing with someone’s trauma, as someone who’s been through trauma herself, is one of the beautiful corners of this book

Emerie: Another woman with trauma. She sees Nesta enter her store, of course she knows who she is, yet she doesn’t judge her. Nesta asks about making the fatigues warmer, Emerie says she’ll ask, but it’s costly. Nesta says then she can’t afford it, admits that she was cut off, Emerie, as a stranger, doesn’t judge her. She says she could make them anyway and she can pay her as she can. Because no one should feel cold. It’s simple, irrelevant. Nesta wouldn’t freeze to death, she as a stranger has no obligation to help, it’s a simple reasoning. “You shouldn’t feel cold”. It’s enough for her to help Nesta. Something as mundane as feeling cold. She asks her to join her for a meal. And Nesta asks her if she would join the training, which Emerie refuses. and Nesta blurts out that she didn’t take her for a coward. And later, Nesta sends her the herbs she wishes to get which she can’t get often because of her location, and it’s a message of “you too deserve to see what’s best in the world, to go out and experience the beautiful parts and live, not just exist”. So Emerie goes to training with her as well, and they bond over romance novels. Emerie also reaches a point where she opens up about her own trauma, and tells the truth about what she faced and her survival. This girl who is 50-something at least, who has never had friends, living a lonely secluded life, finally found someone who was trustworthy enough to be around and form a bond with. As for the fact that she is a PoC, and the illyrians are portrayed as this group of savages who abuse their women and their women have no say in their lives and futures and how they clip their women’s wings, when wings, wingspan and wingplay heavily imply that wings are erogenous parts of the body and wing clipping seems to be the equivalent of Circumcision, which again so happens to be done by the “PoC savages who abuse their women”, hits a whole lot as fucking racist and xenophobic. PoC deserve a storyline where they’re not viewed as the villains.

Azriel: I loved his relationship with Nesta. He was the best chaperon™️, he never spoke in judgement toward her. There was a silent understanding between them. However, I’m not against him showing his feelings toward Elain or her toward him. It’s fine, if that’s what they both want. I don’t think Lucien is the type to call for a blood duel. He simply brings her presents and attends when invited, he doesn’t force himself on her and keeps his distance. However I did hate that Azriel took the necklace and gave it to Gwyn, as a secondhand. I know his only intention was to make her smile but the necklace wasn’t meant for her. It’s not a trial by error, he can’t just keep trying out with different women every time he fails with one. And I’ll just leave this here.

The elephant in the room: the entire IC is involved in this, them all blaming Nesta, framing her as the wrong person, when she told Feyre about the dangers of her pregnancy? I don’t care if she did it while she was angry, her heart was in the right place. She got hurt from them deciding her fate without her involvement, voting on her, not once, but twice, about her fate because she wasn’t fast enough to deal with her trauma, then again when deciding if she should know about what she did with her own power and the weapons. and she showed Feyre what was really at play. Protecting her from what she faced with the Inner Circle. Just because she was angry while doing it does not mean she did it out of spite. She did it to expose them, specially Amren at that point. But I don’t get how it was twisted to “because she wanted to hurt Feyre”. She wasn’t even angry at Feyre. But you all would rather suck up to the Inner Circle than confront the fact that they’re hypocrites and liars with a propaganda. They’re evil. They fear Nesta using her power to seize control of everyone because it’s how THEY are. With all this High King crap. Basically colonization dreams. With how they press rank whenever it suits them, and lie about the law to win arguments. It’s because those who are inherently bad think everyone is bad just like them.

Other Elephants in the room which have been here a long time: the thing with blaming Nesta for not being the breadwinner… I could never get it. Some have money-earning skills, others don’t. She, at the point of her life when she was human, was only trained in dancing and appealing to men socially so she could uplift the family’s social status. She couldn’t hunt. Feyre could. And NEITHER, should’ve been the breadwinner. Nesta was willing to starve to death if it would push her father to do something. Feyre wasn’t willing to wait and starve or watch anyone starve. But it doesn’t mean Nesta was at fault. She was only 3 years older than Feyre. Let’s leave the “the oldest child has to step in for the parents when the parents fail” mentality in the past. It’s ridiculous. Nesta was under no obligation to be the breadwinner. And she suffered self-flagellation regularly for letting Feyre walk out there and hunt. But she literally had no skills that when she thought of something to do, she could only think of selling herself on the streets. The parents were abusive, both of them. Favoring one child over the other and planting rivalry between the siblings. “i love you” means nothing. NOTHING, when there is no action to prove it. And if anything, this book made me realize that Nesta was never okay. She was never in a good place mentally. I mean, I knew, but this book just proved it. Her mother favored her alright, but it was not in a loving way. She simply exploited her to climb the social ladder. She didn’t give her love, she gave her instructions. She enabled the grandmother to beat her, and instill some “harsher punishments” one of which Nesta still holds the scars for. She was called worthless, as a child. Why? Because she made a wrong step in a dance. She was physically and verbally abused, and her mother let it happen. Yet she was the only one who would give Nesta the time of day so Nesta still loved her. As a child, her mother was the only person who showed interest in her and she clung to. However twisted it was, it’s the only love she ever got. The only love she knew. Then she lost her. and later the family also lost their wealth. So all she was taught to do her entire life suddenly became meaningless because she can’t achieve what her mother “trained” her to do. And we know the rest of the story. She never felt at home, not even when her mother lived and she still had that wealth. She admitted as much. She was never fine. She might’ve appeared the part, but it was never true. And since she was so good at masking her emotions, nobody was the wiser.

side note: As for her power being the “bare minimum” now, there better not be a plothole, since Rhysand couldn’t contain merely the “surface of her power” because it was too much. and if that’s all she retained, then it’s good enough for me.

[searchponderprayleave]

This just helped me realize something really important.

My dad and I discuss history and politics a lot, constantly debating and teaching each other in a very ADHD way. When I was in middle school one of the debates we would constantly come back to was American colonialism and the Native American genocide. I was at that age where you start learning how absolutely fucked that whole thing was, where you start to feel enraged. You start to hate your country a little bit, because in elementary school you drew pictures for Columbus Day and never heard a whisper or a murmur about what he did to the people of Hispañola. You're just a little white girl in the center of a suburban hellscape in Utah and discrimination and tragedy can only upset you on principle because you haven't ever seen it firsthand, but deep inside you are coming to realize that some things are just monstrously unfair and you have been trained to be part of the problem.

When it came to this discussion, my dad was a patriot and generally in the "products of their time" camp, all those neutral things that are supposed to promote a nuanced understanding of history. He didn’t disagree with the fact that the genocide was horrible, but somehow we were still arguing.

And every single time we had this discussion we'd end up at the same place, the same bottom line: “But what about all the good things that came from it?" he'd prompt, and every time I'd forget what he meant.

“Sure, the Columbus Exchange included some good things, but almost all of them were for the Old World! Italy got tomatoes, I guess. Sure I’m glad we have spaghetti but that’s in no way compar-”

“No, the gospel,” he’d say like it was obvious.

‘Dad, people died. Millions of people,' is what I meant when I argued back, but I still believed in the church at the time. His point was a part of my worldview I had merely forgotten because it was so incompatible with morality in the circumstance. I didn't disagree with it, I thought it was true. I tried to brush past it with a “Yeah, but-” because I knew that didn’t excuse it but couldn’t articulate why when I still believed that the gospel was restored in the US for important and divine reasons.

“I truly believe that this country came into existence the way it did-” my dad would continue earnestly, and when he said “the way” what he meant was how it was successfully colonized, then how we somehow managed to win independence against the British and form a stable government that pioneered modern democracy with freedom of religion as a foundational principle. “-so that Joseph Smith could translate the Book of Mormon and restore the gospel.”

And now I can finally articulate what exactly is so wrong about it. In Mormonism, America is referred to as the Promised Land. In my dad’s eyes, God had used extreme acts of violence, deadly diseases, prejudice, and the systemic erasure of millions of His own children to ensure that Joseph Smith (a white man) could inherit it.

Mormonism directly but not explicitly “justifies American colonialism as the will of god”. And it eventually worms into your brain so deep that you’re willing to excuse the physical and cultural genocide of millions because for some reason without it, the gospel couldn’t have been restored. As if God, an all powerful being, couldn’t have restored the gospel without such acts.

I want to say that if I hadn’t left, eventually I would’ve succumbed to that school of thought too. I want to give my dad the benefit of the doubt. But I can’t. I was only fourteen and I knew, I knew that no matter what God and Joseph Smith needed to happen in the US, the events of colonialism, Andrew Jackson’s presidency, and what still happens today to indigenous Americans were and are absolutely unacceptable. Even back then when my faith was relatively strong, I would have burned the Book of Mormon at the stake if it meant I could have prevented those atrocities.

TL;DR- Justifying American colonialism and the associated atrocities is such an implicit part of Mormonism that I could not deconstruct it until someone said it in those words, and I just lost a little more faith in my dad, a man who I admire very much.

i’m sorry but even if your personal version of mormonism excludes all the “if you’re a good mormon your skin will turn white when you die, no matter your race” and “dark skin is a sign of the devil” bs, your religion is still racist.

the idea that israelites sailed across the atlantic ocean and formed a population in north america that could be attributed to native americans is racist.

the idea that jesus christ appeared to native americans and converted them to christianity pre-colonial times is racist.

the idea that the arrival of christianity to north america with european colonialism was a prophesied “reintroduction” of christianity is racist.

the foundations of your religion are racist.

the foundations of your religion are historical negationism.

the foundations of your religion justify american colonialism as the will of god.

try as hard as you want, it’s impossible to remove racism from mormonism. it’s racist by nature.

[kyidyl]

Kyidyl Does Archaeology - Part 1

About me, and about the site.

I’m gonna have to do this in parts because I tend to be, uh...wordy.  Actually...ok, so I believe very strongly that knowledge does no one any good behind a paywall, but I also have a hard time parsing it down for social media because, well, people are complex but also ADHD.  So if you guys have any feedback for me that’d be awesome.  I’ll probably do these as a series so they don’t get overwhelming to read.  Tag for ‘em will be kyidylCL

A caveat to all of these posts: archaeologists walk a fine line between “I’d love to tell you about this and here look at this cool thing” and “I don’t want to share a colleague’s forthcoming paper on social media before they publish it and also fuck looters”. We classify anyone who *isn’t* an archaeologist as a looter.  Because even when you find artefacts just lying around, as soon as you pick them up they’re removed from context and become near-useless for scientific research and data.  When we remove them we capture all that information via a prescribed methodology.  When other people remove them they tend not to.  And you can tell how legit someone is by how much they care about the context.  Context is key, that’s why we’re so meticulous.  Anyway so I can’t tell you where the site is specifically because I’m not allowed.  I also, though, have been heavily involved in this project so I’m mostly going to be telling you about my own research so it’s ok to publish it on social media.  Anyway, that’s why if you show an archaeologist something you just like found they’ll be like “gee...thanks...well...I don’t want to squelch your curiosity, buuuuuut...” 

A little bit of background on my involvement with this site: I’m a newly minted archaeologist.  I’ve had my MS a little over a year, and I’ve been doing things in that time to keep up my skills and get the field hours I need to be a registered state archaeologist (it’s basically just like a professional license for archs.) bc I didn’t get enough in school and my dissertation is on genetics and cannibalism (and if you want to know about *that* I’ll tell you, but in another post.), so yeah.  Anyway.  I’ve been volunteering with the local archaeology society, and they’re great.  They found this site because two of the members grew up in the area and just knew of its existence.  So I volunteer with them and am one of like 3 people they know who have a degree so I get to be really involved - probably more than I would be otherwise just cause people with my credentials are in short supply for them.  I’m basically the only member with a degree, and the rest are consultants they bring in for stuff like this (including the RSA who works the site - the site director.).  

Before a site can be dug there’s a lot of prep work involved.  It varies based on what kind of money you’ve got and access.  We have lots of access - it’s on private land owned by someone who is childhood friends with a member of the arch society - but almost zero money.  Before I showed up, in summer 2018, they did a series of what are called shovel tests.  Basically there’s a grid laid over the site and where the grid lines intersect they dug a round pit down to what archaeologists call “the sterile layer”, IE, where there’s no evidence of human activity.  Basically, you dig small holes to see if it’s worth digging big holes and in this case it was worth it.  

When I started working with them, I took all of the material from the test pits and sorted and catalogued it.  We’ll come back to this in the next post, so remember this.  Pause.  

I forgot to tell you where the site was.  Like not specifically, I can’t do that, but I CAN tell you that it’s in the Shenandoah valley.  Wanna see pics? Yeah, you wanna see pics (I took all of the images I’m gonna be posting so I give myself permission to post them. :P): 

The site is too big to get in one pic, but this is the far end looking towards the mountain.  The field continues off to the left of the shot.  

Here’s a nicer pic of the mountain: 

And another one cause it’s super pretty: 

And here’s my view when we’re eating lunch:

And here’s an artsy shot of the cows I pass on my way in, because who doesn’t love cows? ;) 

The site has been occupied for a long time (how long? Well, that’ll happen in the pottery post soooorry. ;), and I think you guys can see why.  It’s also on a slight ridge overlooking a river so it’s near fresh water, easily defensible, and is fertile.  Speaking of which... 

It’s also what archaeologists call “highly disturbed”. See, after the colonizers drove the natives out of the Blue Ridge mountains, they started farming the fertile land in the valley.  This site was farmed for several decades, and not only that but during the civil war they dug a big ‘ole defensive trench through the middle of it.  So whilst farming disturbs the finds, it tends to a, only be a max of 15 inches deep and b, keep the finds in the same relative area they’re pulled out of.  And we can tell where that layer ends (I’ll show you that in the post about our pits bc I don’t think Tumblr will let me add more pics.), so even though it destroys features and damages things it’s a lot less destructive than, say....building a giant war trench and shooting at each other.  

The site is an entire settlement.  It’s...several acres in size.  There are burial cairns in the woods around it, and some rumors that human remains have been found there in the past - although we have not, as of yet, found any (much to my personal dismay because, well...bioarchaeologist.). 

So who lived here? Well, when the colonizers drove out the natives they didn’t exactly keep good records about who lived where, but generally speaking the site is on both Massawomeck and Manahoac land. We don’t know which group lived there, and there were other groups coming and going in the general area so it could have also been Piscataway or Potomac or even one of the later nations that formed the Iroquois.  Based on the age though I think the best candidates are the Massawomeck or Manahoac.  

Next up, the prep work I did for the site and dig! 

(aaaahhhhhh hopefully I didn’t forget anything. x.x)

[insomniamamma]

Prickle: Ezra x F! Reader

A/n: Okay, so don’t know what the hell this is. I was trying to go to sleep a few days ago and this just kind of popped in there, the idea of Ez giving the reader a weird nickname. I swear I have a more serious, put together fic in the works, but this demanded my attention first. I meant this to be short, but I suck at keeping things short.

warnings: language, angst, mild violence, lil bit of fluff, no beta

______________________________________________________________________

He calls you Artichoke. Since hiring you on, Ezra has thrown a string of nicknames at you, mostly botanical or avian, some referencing things you have never heard of, and this is the one that stuck. Cee is Little Bird most of the time, until she indulges in teen-age surliness and then she's Channel Rat. You are Artichoke. Which would be fine, except you don't have the foggiest idea of what an artichoke is. Nothing about the word triggers anything in your brain.

You are not so well-travelled as Ezra and Cee. You grew up on Falnost, a dusty little fly speck of a moon, only colonized because it orbits a gas giant with lush rings, perfect for ice-mining operations. Falnost has one port city that caters to people who come downworld on leave. The rest is cattle and corn. Nothing to do but pull rocks out of the ground, dig irrigation ditches and spread the sandy dirt with live bacteria concentrates in hopes of convincing the ground to grow something. Not a place for fancy words or much beyond a standard technical education. You scrimped and saved and bought your passage off-world as soon as you could, and you've been drifting ever since. Puggart Bench was the closest you've been to civilization, and even that seemed overwhelming and a bit weird. You suspect artichoke is something from the inner worlds, but you have no idea what it could be. What if it's something bad, or nasty like a channel rat? What if Ezra's been making fun of you, calling you this name?           It started two drops ago on Sammana. You were there to harvest lattice corals. Sammana once had a deep liquid ocean, but now all that was left were vast, glittering salt-flats. It was hot on Sammana. The air, while not toxic, stank like sun-dried shit. The corals themselves were fragile and you had to dig through the salt-pan with hand tools to get to them. By the end of the first day, your hands were raw and sobbing from a hundred salt-burnt cuts. You were hired on as muscle, but Ezra's been teaching you the trade as well. Many hands make light work, he said, and dimpled at his own joke, being down one hand himself.           The dig did not go well. The corals you were finding were few and of mediocre quality at best. Enough to keep you fueled and flying, but little else. There was less than a cycle before you had to catch the slingback and even Ezra's mood was dark.             "I'm callin it," he said, after a small and brittle coral crumbled in his hand. "We got enough to get us onto the next job. Fueled and flying, right?"             "Fueled and flying," you echoed back, grabbing the railgun and taking point. Camp was some ways and the sun overhead felt like a physical weight grinding down on you. The railgun was heavy, sweat ran into your eyes and pooled under your body armor. So much miserable effort for so little reward. Today's pull was a pittance, a little extra fuel, a little extra data bandwidth and that's all. You swiped the sweat from your eyes for the hundredth time today. You were over it. Camp resolved itself out of the heat-glitter rising up from the salt crusted ground, the drop pod sitting in a crater of shattered salt, the tent next to it, hooked up to the pod's RTG by a thick braided cable. The tent's flaps were open. Someone was moving inside.             "Oh, hell no!" You pelted towards camp, railgun raised, the figure paused, and then continued rifling through the tent. He had your trophy case at his feet, what little you've been able to collect over the last cycles and this bastard meant to take all of it.            "Hands in the air motherfucker!" The thief dropped his haul and raised his hands. "The fuck out of the tent, right fucking now!" You felt Ezra and Cee behind you, heard their hard breaths.            "I didn't mean nothin," he says, "I thought this camp was abandoned--" And something snapped in you. Never in your life had you been this angry.            "Bullshit you did! Abandoned with the pod still hot?" You primed the railgun, and aimed through the scope right between this dumbass's eyes, and then you felt Ezra's hand on your arm. He spoke low and close to your ear.            "Ease up on the rails, there, Artichoke, ain't no need for bloodshed yet." And for as angry as you were, you did as he asked, relaxed your stance some. Ezra walked toward the kid, no mercenary, this, just some dumb local.            "My friend here wants to shoot you," Ezra said, "And she is well within her rights to do so. We have toiled long to get what little we could out of this bitter ground."            "I'm sorry!" said the would-be thief, "I didn't mean nothin--"            "What you meant or didn't mean is not the issue here," said Ezra, "What you do next is going to determine whether you walk away or I tell my over-eager associate here to indulge her violent nature. Here's what is going to happen. My partner, Cee, knows every stitch of equipment we own. You  will dump your pack for her, turn out your pockets and give back everything that's ours. One aggressive move and Artichoke here will kill you. Rely on it. You do what I say and you get to walk away with your life. Clear?"           "Clear," he said. He dumped his pack as instructed and Cee picked through the contents, reclaiming several items.           "We're good,"said Cee, and gave the thief a shove, "Get out of here." He turned and started running, you fired a few shots that crackled into the salt-pan at his heels.           Later, as you broke camp, you and Ezra got into the first real argument you'd had. So far you've managed to keep things professional, but the anger was still there, hot and pulsing behind your eyes.           "You should have let me shoot him,"           "It doesn't always have to come down to shooting," said Ezra, "Things turned out right in the end. We kept our harvest and that foolish boy gets to keep on breathing."            "He was trying to steal our whole harvest," your voice rose, "Gods be damned, Ezra, you know what that means. You of all people--"            "He was a kid," Ezra's eyes were wide and dark, "Not much older than our Cee. Would you have that kind of blood on your hands?" There was no good answer. Ezra had all the words, you struggled with them. There was no way to speak back. Ezra sensed something shift in you, something in the slump of your shoulders. He laid his hand on your upper arm, gave a brief squeeze.           "It's alright, Artichoke, We're all safe. It's alright."

          Since that crazy day on Sammana, you've been Artichoke, and you don't know what to make of it. You can't ask Ezra directly. Ezra has ten different words for everything. You don't always understand him. You don't know if he's doing it on purpose, but sometimes he makes you feel stupid. You can imagine his self-satisfied smile as he explains the why of your nickname. You're not about to ask him. So you decide to ask Cee.           It's morning and you hand Cee a dented metal cup with fake coffee in it. Ezra shoots you a look and you shoot him one right back. You shouldn't give her coffee, he'd said, it'll stunt her growth, to which you'd said, Kevva's sakes, she was processing Jhata Balu at twelve. I think she can handle a cup of coffee. Ezra is a morning person, one of the things about him that infuriates you. You and Cee have barely joined the land of the living and he's up and about and doing maintenance on his suit. One handed, he struggles, but you've learned not to offer help. You did once and the look he gave you made you want to strap your body armor a little tighter. So you just tune out the string of muttered curses coming from the other end of the tent. You've learned to tell when Ezra is talking to himself.           "Hey, Cee?"           "Mmmh?"           "What's an artichoke?" You pitch your voice low, but there's heat prickling in your neck. Cee sips her coffee and smiles, a slow, one sided grin, like she's been expecting the question.            "It's a Terran plant," she says, and pulls her battered notebook and pen from under her pillow, furrows her brow as she sketches. She turns the notebook so you can see. "It looks kind of like this." And now you are even more confused, presenting with what looks like a scaly ball on a thick stem. What this has to do with you, you can't even guess.

          "Why does he call me that?" You ask, and Cee just stares over her coffee cup like she's staring into the black hole at the center of the galaxy, "Cee! Why does he call me that?" Cee smirks and jerks her head up. And the fact of the relative silence hits you, Ezra's muttered string of curses is done and you hear him chuckle close and behind. You bow your head, heat rushing to your face. 

          "If you wanted to know the reason for your moniker you could have just asked," says Ezra, you're not looking at him, but you can practically hear him smirk. He's gone and done it again, set a snare of words, and you've bumbled into it. You clench your hands and jaw and turn to face him, best to absorb whatever little humiliation he has planned for you so you can get back to your coffee.           "Fine," you say, and it comes out angrier than intended. It is too early in the morning for this. "Why do you call me Artichoke?" His brows furrow briefly and his smirk softens into a warmer smile, the kind that crinkles his eyes at the corners. He squeezes your upper arm, like on Sammana, but there's no body armor between you.           "I call you Artichoke because I believe that, like an artichoke, you conceal beneath your prickly exterior a tender, delectable heart." He drops you a wink and then jams his helmet on and out the tent flaps into the sticky heat of day.          "Good one, Ez," Cee calls to his retreating back and the purr of the zippers pulled back up, "Real subtle."           "What. The. Utter fuck?" You mutter into your cup of shit fake coffee. You shake your head. You and Cee suck down your coffee in silence for a beat.           "You know he likes you, right?" Says Cee.           "Well, I should hope so," you say, "We're crew." Cee is giving you a look of pity and condescention that somehow only teenagers can manage. Oh.           "Oh. Oh no! No no no no no!" The realization comes pouring out of you and Cee giggles. "Nope! Not in a million years! Hard no!" But part of you thinks this is wrong even as you say it. Part of you likes the idea of being Ezra's artichoke, his tough and prickly thing with soft insides. Part of you wonders what would happen if you let him in beneath your spiky outer layers, just a little.