#you can tell who ive given the most amount of thought to lmao

[bruggle]

Woe skylander ocs upon ye

Only two of these guys have visuals because I can't draw

So this is Tim and Mothy

They are life element, and I do not have a catch phrase for them.

Tim is the dinosaur-esque guy, and Mothy is... the moth. Yeah, she's supposed to be a moth. Their backstory is that basically, Mothy is a horse girl. She befriended a wild dinosaur that has exactly one braincell dinking around in his head despite her parents warning her to stay away, and then wound up saving the town with him from raiders. Yes, they are 101% based on Godzilla and Mothra. And the names are funny.

Second, we got Reborn

She is an undead Phoenix, and her catchphrase is "Back from the blink!"

So she originally was a regular old Phoenix until one of her friends was captured by Count Moneybones and taken to the land of the undead. She went to save them, but wound up cursed because of it. Thus, she was offered a spot as a skylander. I'm still kind of working on her, but hey. A creature that is famous for never dying being of the undead element is a pretty cool concept imo.

Now, this intentionally edgy girl is Jinx. Well, she's supposed to be more punk than edge, but perhaps I failed in that department lol

She is Dark element, and her catchphrase is "Not your lucky day!"

So she is a black cat with two tails, basically mixing the western superstition of black cats and Japanese folklore/superstition of the nekomata. It's been a while since I last read up on them, but iirc cats of a certain age were considered unlucky due to the idea that they could possibly sprout a second tail and gain supernatural power. So she just basically has the power of bad luck on top of being a cat (think Jinx from Teen Titans (I am very original lmao))

Her backstory is basically that she was a misguided teen who caused a lot of trouble with her powers in the village she grew up in. Until she took it too far and nearly destroyed it. Granted, she was also the reason it WASN'T destroyed, but at that point, the townsfolk had had enough of her shenanigans. So she was basically offered the choice between Skylands version of Juvie or to go to the Skylander Academy and become a Skylander for x amount of time as a form of community service. She obviously chose community service. She's not entirely sure if she wants to be a Skylander forever, but she's slowly warming up to the idea. Camo and Sunburn have kind of taken her under their wing as pranksters tho lol

Next we got Bard.

He's magic element, but I don't have a catchphrase for him either.

He basically has a magical instrument that he has used to write stories and songs with and has traveled all over Skylands to share them. But he has also defended multiple villages from all sorts of raiders. Eventually, Eon tracked him down and offered him a spot as a skylander, to which he agreed, provided he could still partake in his hobby.

This guy also isn't super fleshed out, but idk he's kinda cool.

[idyllic-affections]

how abt hcs abt gn teen (around 15-16) reader being kaeya’s biological younger sibling !!

if we have each other.

summary. what is it like being kaeya's teen younger sibling?

trigger & content warnings. child abandonment.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff, slight angst. kaeya & younger sibling!reader. 0.7k words. they/them pronouns for reader.

author's thoughts. anon omg... ive been wanting an excuse to write something like this again for a while! i am a professional platonic kaeya enjoyer <3 anyway i hope you like these!!! i decided not to go into the whole ragnvindr family drama thing because honestly? i go into that a little too often when i write about kaeya. i chose to give him a break today!

i see kaeya being very protective of his sibling. he's not so protective that it comes off as overbearing, but he's definitely very involved in their life only because he just... doesn't know what he'd do with himself if he let them get hurt.

given that he basically had to raise them...

it makes sense for him to be so involved. sure, he had help from the ragnvindr family, but kaeya did the most work when it came to raising his baby sibling.

when his father abandoned him in mondstadt, he also abandoned his youngest child, [name]. they were about two or three at the time.

he doesn't necessarily hold the same resentment towards the seven that other khaenri'ahns might, though he doesn't exactly lean in their favor either.

still... kaeya thanked the seven that they didn't get deathly sick (they were so young and frail that it really was a valid concern) that night in the pouring rain, despite how badly they shivered and cried. he'll never forget how utterly visceral their sobs were.

he doesn't doubt that they understood what was happening that night, despite how little they were.

because of that, kaeya doesn't hide anything from them. he tells them the entire truth about their origins as soon as they're old enough to coherently ask why their father abandoned them.

when kaeya and [name] were young, they were absolutely attached at the hip. once they're both older, they aren't seen together as much, but that isn't to say they aren't seen together; it's just that kaeya does have obligations as a knight and his sibling has their own commitments.

he loves them wholeheartedly.

if he had to betray khaenri'ah to protect them, archons know he'd do it. if he had to betray mondstadt to protect them, archons know he'd do it. he doesn't care as long as it means they'll be safe.

to kaeya, they are probably the most precious thing he has—ever since his falling out with diluc, at least. well... they were always his most precious thing. after his falling out with diluc, it just made them moreso.

part of the reason he despises those who threaten others' families is simply because of his sibling.

he does not take threats to their safety lightly, not at all.

kaeya's a very good brother overall, but he is 100% also the most annoying mf.

he's the type of older brother that makes his sibling do things for him and then guilt trips them when they tell him to do it himself LMAO

i feel like he can cry on command and does it just to make them feel bad when they tell him no!

you know that "i'm hungry. grill me a cheese" audio? yeah.

Kaeya: I'm hungry.

[Name]: So lick that coat, you smell like a—

Kaeya: Grilled cheese.

[Name]: What????

Kaeya: Grill me a cheese.

[Name]: I'm not grilling you a cheese!

Kaeya, sobbing on the floor:

[Name]: ...Oh, for Barbatos' sake.

kaeya, as protective as he is, is also very laid-back. his sibling has just about as much freedom as they could want (within reason, of course).

kaeya, his sibling, and klee are a chaos trio. the three of them have lit a concerning amount of things on fire.

he's very physically affectionate!

ruffling their hair, leading them along by the dip in their back, shoving them (lovingly)... he's clingy, really, and just likes being able to touch his sibling because it reminds him that they're safe and alive.

if they ever wanted to become a knight, he's right there to support them. if they wanted to become an adventurer, again, he's there to help them out.

whatever they want to do with their life, he's their greatest cheerleader.

kaeya will always support them, but he's also very tough on them when it comes to training them physically if their aspiration demands physical strength.

they want to be a knight? an adventurer? a traveler, perhaps? alright, but they need to take him down in a fight first.

he makes every duel with him the hardest fight of their life.

kaeya needs to be confident that they can effectively defend themselves, and if he isn't? sorry. they aren't going anywhere until he is certain beyond a shadow of a doubt. he needs to know they can handle themselves, because—as much as he hates to admit it—he may not always be there to protect them.

wouldn't it be interesting if they got a vision while in a duel with him?

that'd be a very fascinating twist of fate.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[forlorn-crows]

Crow!

I have a question...questions? Request? Maybe a little bit of both...?

I am a (relative) newcomer to the fandom, I've been hyper-focused on Ghost for the last year and my heart's completely, irreparably and quite blissfully gone on all of the Era IV Ghouls (Phantom and Aurora included), but, in particular, on our beloved Earth Ghoul Mountain (Mmmmmountain...💕)

HOWEVER, recently, I've begun trying to learn more about the previous era's Ghouls, and although I already have a growing appreciation for Omega, there's another that I find myself circling back to again and again and again...

...Zephyr.

Unfortunately, there seems to be a distressingly small amount of information on him in terms of HC's and fandom lore which really does make it harder to get a feel for his character and personality, so, I was wondering if you could help with that.

How do you see him in your head?

What is he like?

Who is he to you?

Please help me add a tenth Ghoul to the nine I already love...

hi, welcome!

ive got lots of headcanons about them so i'd love to go through some of those for you. i'll drop some great zephyr photos first and then we'll continue under the cut :3

firstly, i cant tell you where the name zephyr originated. maybe fanfiction or other fan circles. zephyr is more commonly known as "chAir", because they were almost always sitting down to play. sort of like cowbell is named after the instrument he appeared for two seconds to play lmao

you'll notice i use they/them pronouns for zeph. thats something i picked up from @gayrickgrimes when i first started interacting more with ghost fanfic. but lots of people also use he/him. not sure why nonbinary zeph has really stuck with me since then, but i quite enjoy it!

i would say the most commonly shared headcanons about zephyr are as follows:

older in age, like omega or alpha often are portrayed

has chronic back and/or joint pain (there's lots of clips of them walking off stage holding their back, thus the headcanon)

has light or white hair, commonly portrayed as longish and wavy.

reserved. maybe a little "old mannish" at times. less spontaneous than other ghouls.

however! they like groovin' on stage. can be seen doing some wiggles during their keytar solo or jamming out on their stool.

some artistic portrayals i love are @endopyre's, @turbodrawn's, and @kamonart's :3 also for a portrayal that doesnt necessarily fit those 'common' appearance hc's above is @joeynihil's zeph, whom i LOVEEE.

i also love @divine-misfortune's depictions of them, but i have indeed given void the zephyr brainrot soooo....oopsies sorry not sorry.

so, now onto the things i specifically headcanon about zephyr. i dont know if youve read any of my ficlets with them yet, but i do have a few! generally, i hc pretty similar to the above bullet points. some other thoughts i have are as follows:

i think zeph has a more antiquated way of speaking. doesnt use a lot of slang or 'modern' words. is very precise, refined in the way that they speak.

very amicable with and well-loved by their pack (aether, ifrit, dew, mountain).

has an 'air' about them, if you will (pardon the pun haha). some may say its too much like they're looking down their nose at you, but i think they're clever, smooth, and teasing in equal measure. has a way with words, in more ways than one.

they really do like to have fun on stage, and i think they like to 'let loose' a little bit that way. that ghoul can groove and move when they want to! and i do enjoy watching ritual footage of them, would recommend <3

not sure if you're interested in unglamoured hc's, but i think they turn very gangly, resembling something like a vulture or other long-legged birds. taloned feet and hands. hocked legs. feathers sticking out behind their ears and tattered, crooked wings. bright eyes that glow in the dark and can see for miles. razor sharp teeth. literally terrifying if you catch them peering at you from high in the trees.

likes when the others offer to help with their back pains. ifrit with his warm hands. aether with his quintessence. maybe mountain with weed or dew taking them to the lake to take some weight of their joints. always very kind, thankful in return.

i think the abbey has a chapel with an organ that zeph likes to play. i think that's what they learned on originally, and transferred that knowledge to the keyboard. when they retired from the band they still enjoyed playing for midnight mass or special occasions.

lastly, i think zeph is a quiet dom. very controlled of a ghoul in normal situations, but very good at controlling and directing others. has a silver tongue and can absolutely take mountain down to studs with just words. i have many feelings about mountzeph in general, and how their dynamic works, which ive explored a little bit. but in general, i think zeph likes to have that control, either because they have pain that doesnt allow them the freedom to explore certain pleasures, and/or because thats what they like. its natural and fun for them. and its certainly fun for everyone else involved lmao. i just think of them as a very elegant ghoul in all aspects of their life.

all in all, im very fond of zephyr as a character, at least how i see them in my head and how i've seen them portrayed by others thus far! hopefully that can serve as some inspiration for you in 'getting to know' this air ghoul :3

[cutepervert]

ty to @tigertofu for the tag <3 dont have many friends on here yet but i'll tag the people that i can think of off the top of my head, @rreskk @chloe12801 @heisentwerk

Were you named after anyone?

not as far as I can tell. my mom likes to say im named after julius caesar but i think shes lying

Do you have kids?

no and have noooo interest it is simply not for me i think

Use sarcasm a lot?

yes, less so on the internet but irl i do a LOT

First thing you notice 'bout people?

it's hard to pick out one thing because i often interpret the totality of a person (like their vibe ig?) before i focus on any details. this is not to say that i dont focus on details i absolutely do but that's often long after i've determined the person has an interesting vibe based off their outfit/the way they carry themselves/etc

Eye color?

hazel. i think? like a light brown with greenish bits in the central heterochromia zone

Scary movies or happy ending?

hard to say tbh! I like a neat ending (not necessarily a happy one) and both scary movies and 'happy ending' movies tend to have neat endings (or at least neat enough to set-up for a sequel LOL). I like both, it all kinda depends on my mood

Special talent?

oh i struggle so hard with this question... like, i have several things i am moderately good at (writing, drawing, et cetera) but ive never been especially skilled or talented at a single thing like other people are. jack of all trades master of none that's the kinda bitch i am. also sidenote but i think talent isn't real. if it is real it describes nothing but someones desire to practice a given thing which then makes them good at it. nobodys born good at shit. prodigies are fake and they are all lying to u!!!!

Your hobbies?

lol. hobbies... what are those! no frfr i play video games write fanfic and once in a while when i have the energy to set up a workspace i like doing very hands-on sculptural art like papier mache and clay sculpture.

Any pets?

no i wish :( want a cat so bad but our aint shit landlord (who tbf is usually really fine and normal and chill so i guess there had to be ONE THING at least that sucked abt him) said no

Playing any sport?

LOL. no. fuck sports..... except i like watching basketball because those men are freaks of nature in the best way and i like to imagine in ancient times we'd have them do feats of strength like climbing up a very steep mountain face. i just love those lengthy boys. kevin durant especially is such an extruded guy every time he falls during a game (which as it turns out is way more often than i thought) im like okay this time his legs have to have snapped in half. and they dont! probably because he drinks his milk or w/e. takes him vitamines. wild shit. anyway yeah i dont do sports

How tall..?

5'7 last time i checked.... imo the perfect height. not too short not too tall but also not too medium. on the tall side of medium sized. love being this height.

Favourite subject in school?

hard to say bc it depended so much on the teacher but i loved most of my english classes and a good amount of my history classes. history is sooo girlypop to me like we're truly just sharing 100+ year old gossip like it's not nosy as fuuuuuck

Dream job:

i do not dream of labor but i think the ideal job for me is one that doesn't feel like it's sucking 100% of my soul out my mouth (will settle for like 30 to 50% soul sucking) and hopefully serves to help other people through creative expression (because i dont know how to do anything else LMAO). i basically have that job rn but it's still Hard and Annoying so i suppose nothing will ever b perfect

[whatstheoccasion]

YOUVE GIVEN ME THE GO AHEAD FOR LAWS EARRINGS NOW i am sorry (not really) but consider this: law's daughter who wants to get her ears pierced as soon as she hits her teenage years bc she's been so 😵‍💫😵‍💫 over her dad's piercings since forever! law's lowk a very Dramatic parent in my opinion who would secretly never want his kid to feel an inch of pain (he is Protective) and tries to dissuade her from getting them done but she gets the same piercings anyways! after recovering from the initial shock (how could she, why did you let her etc etc.) he actually loves them bc theyre matching!!!!1!1 ++ i can imagine the daughter as a toddler fiddling with his earrings bc theyre Shiny and Gold (and she has her priorities straight at shiny and gold things) whenever she wants like he could be giving bepo death threats while she just crawls into his lap and begins tugging at them and the polar bears just laughing his goddamn ass off bc how can he take law seriously when he's this close to yelping like a toddler himself

((also u are VERY right abt the astrology stuff how 😭😭 and whys an aries moon scary .... i watched dressrosa ages ago ive forgotten n i need to catch up to wano though ive been spoiled with almost everything of note LMAO )) -- 😹

kitten anon my beloved I'M DEVASTATED 💔 THIS IS SO CUTE I DON'T EVEN WANT TO ADD MORE TO THIS!!

but i will. lmao

listen. law would throw a FIT over his daughter getting piercings. before actually being a dad, he thought he would be chill about most things, he's a goddamned pirate captain after all, and he knows most things don't need to be made such a big deal out of. he thought he'll be a cool dad who just shrugs over things like tattoos and piercings, but. BUT.

this is his daughter he's talking about!! his baby!! a chubby little thing who loved to chew on his clothes and babble out the word 'papa' and snatch his earrings just yesterday!! what do you mean he's not in control of her actions anymore? surely this means he won't be able to protect her?

he's a drama king but please understand he just doesn't want his family hurt– even by a tiny disinfected needle. he's brooding in the outside, face in a pout and dark aura coming out of him, hands on his sword while he scowls at his crew, "who the hell let this happen?", like they're at fault for not watching over her, his daughter uselessly trying to calm him down.

once he gets over it, though, his chest feels warmth all over. he was always so scared of fucking up his kid, turning them into an irreparable mess, but. his daughter loves him enough to go through a little bit of pain just to match with him, and it's that thought that makes him smile before bed at night, your knowing eyes twinkling with victory because you know he's not upset anymore.

he'll never tell her how much he appreciates it, because he doesn't want to condone to her doing things he considers dangerous without his approval, but the next day he'll bring her medicine for her to take care of them and tell her that they look, *cough*, *scowl*, "good."

it's honestly his fault to begin with, because as a child he used to buy her every cute thing that caught his eyes. strawberry earrings, bobby pins with polar bear stickers, fluffy pink hair ties. he also dedicated a certain amount of his free time to customize her clothes so the three of you would subtly match– he spoiled her in his own ways. so, give him a few more days and she'll see in her room new earrings, ones made costumed by law. if someone compliments her in public abt her new piercings and she points at law saying, "thanks, it's a matching set with my dad!!" he'll feel so warm, they might just catch him smiling before he calls her out for talking to strangers 💀

he'll have a talk with her to tell her that if she ever wants to do more piercings, that she should come to him. he knows his stuff and he cleans anything he uses. with him, she won't get sick or infected, and since it's seemingly impossible to control her, might as well get it done by someone who knows what they're doing. "next time just come to me for these things," he says, face as serious as ever. she squeaks and thanks him, hugging his stiff form, "even tattoos?!" she beams. law grimaces, "don’t push it."

[minecraftoworymode]

the pics are wip but ive had this post in my drafts long enough hglhfdlgk

ng+ doodles and notes: dark yes man

There's a ghost in my home, but it’s better than being alone Reading read receipts with no replyin Yes, my house is haunted- that’s just what I wanted Read receipts with no replyin

#is someone going to kill romeo #also this mans fell off the tightrope a LONG time ago lmao #lor what are u doing to this poor red man

=)

so i had two thots as i was watching mcsm for the first time n the first seeds of ng+ were sprouting in mine mind, namely:

- fred didnt get enough screentime, but how could their story/character be given screentime without flashbacks?

and

- you call THAT being sorry? a single tree in a tiny pocket of an area hidden away behind 600 stages of mobs and several layers of bedrock? you call that remorse for killing your best friend? why should he get to run and hide from what he did? does he think he deserves to?? like, maybe canon romeo does, but i dont know him.

that was the out-of-universe thought process. in-universe, his creation went like this:

1. the admins, after a long while of interacting only with villagers, decided to try giving humans a go.

2. fred created steve; xara, alex; and romeo the third. these were the first attempts so they were closer to admins than humans.

3. that’s all fine and dandy, but romeo was incredibly lonely and wanted someone to talk to who would share all his opinions no matter what.

4. romeo can create “npcs” (different from humans and villagers- theyre basically just robots).

5. thus was born red, or “reasoning efficiency determinator”!

6. the third human sees “red” and is like “cool, free empty vessel. i sort of hate being me so i’m sure he won’t mind if i borrow this guy, i’ll even keep pretending to be his confidant.”

7. this was great until romeo got back from killing fred and, upon telling him what he’d just done, red changed his skin to look like fred and romeo took this as proper ‘atonement’. after all, why change the behaviour that led to you killing your best friend when you could just have basically their ghost follow you around for eternity in a self-flagellatory mockery of their memory? that sounds good, right?

some notes:

- does not generally open his eyes, as he can never get those right

- all his mannerisms- voice, body, and personality- read like an already oversimplified portrait of fred (oh, kind and gentle and all-loving) that underwent a heavy amount of water damage (though he may sound like them and have their speech patterns down pat, he says and does things fred would be horrified by).

part of it is that he's superficially very soft and gentle with romeo, up until he suddenly isnt- and then goes back to being soft and gentle- and then says something absolutely vile- etc etc. he likes to mock romeo for still being in love with fred and occasionally forgetting that he is not fred; sometimes romeo wants to use red to pretend fred is still alive and red plays along with it just long enough for it to really sting when he pulls the rug out from under him. ouch

- lives in terminal space; jesse meets him there if they become champion, and in the sunshine institute if not

- acts as romeo’s alarm clock by standing over him in a cloak every morning and going “you sleep rather soundly for a murderer” (or did so before romeo realized the nightmares were never going to stop and he gave up on sleeping)

- all of romeo’s problems but like, bassboosted (I WANT NOTHING BUT PAIN AND MEANINGLESS DESTRUCTION. I DO NOT WANT TO GET BETTER. I WANT TO BURN AND TAKE YOU ALL DOWN WITH ME. I AM INHERENTLY BETTER THAN YOU. I AM DISGUSTING AND WORTHLESS. I DIDN'T ASK TO BE ALIVE AND I, RIGHTEOUS AND VENGEFUL, AM TAKING OUT MY RESENTMENT ON EVERYONE ELSE. I PUNISH EVERYONE ELSE FOR WHAT I HATE IN MYSELF. IT ISN'T WORTH IT TO LET OTHERS GET CLOSE IF SOMEDAY THEYLL BE GONE AND I’LL HURT. I DESERVE TO HURT. I DON’T WANT TO BE HURT. I DON'T WANT TO BE DOING THIS. I WANT TO GET BETTER. I WANT TO BE FREE. I WANT ALL OF US TO BE FREE. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE BUT I DON'T WANT TO DIE. I LOVE YOU. I WANT TO LOVE YOU. I WISH I WEREN'T AFRAID OF LOVE. I WISH I WEREN'T AFRAID. I HATE THIS. I HATE ALL OF THIS. I HATE YOU I HATE THIS MISERABLE UNIVERSE AND MOST OF ALL I HATE MYSELF.)

- kind of like this post

- if fred was benvolio red is tybalt

- final boss in ng+; when jesse is coming close to taking the admin’s powers away red finally drops the act, because herobrine doesn’t know how to exist without hating the admin anymore and if the admin gets better he doesn’t know what he’ll do. it can’t happen. they have to stay in this miserable place together, forever. he can’t get better.

[citialiin]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: @forseenclade thank you ! man i am so bad at doing memes.  tagging: @blossomingbeelzebug @zhrets @lupichorous @dansiere yayayayayayayaya

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated [ z/iggy stardust is DEFINITELY not my original character, but 683 is, and every single part of how i rp ziggy from his backstory to his personality was made up by me. that being said, ziggy is still a character that exists in media. ]

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. [ im pretty sure ziggy is tied with the thin white duke as one of b*wie’s most famous fictional personas? ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES ? / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. [ maybe a little overrated ]

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [ celebrity rock god of limitless talent vs inevitable overrated washup. most celebrities are polarizing anyways ]

How strictly do you follow canon?  — there isnt much canon to go off of i think? the album barely even states if ziggy is an alien and b*wie himself got really wishy washy about it (sometimes saying z is a human who was contacted by aliens, he was an alien himself, etc). i dont think we know anything about him besides what he looks like (red hair / weird eyes / pale / “well hung” lmao) and he has a band called the spiders from mars, he plays the guitar left handed, he’s bisexual + androgynous, and he’s charming and popular with the teens but inevitably is a victim of his own ego. and he dies.  that too.  but that’s literally it! we know Nothing else about him.  so i filled in all the gaps because my brain has worms.  theres a little bit of the story that verges on fantasy (that he’s some sort of messiah messenger for “the infinites,” whatever the fuck THAT means, david) so i nix that because i prefer hard scifi.  and theres one BIG part that i just ... deleted out of his canon, in that the world is ending in 5 years in his timeline, and he’s like ... aware of this ?  but that’s dumb and confusing.  i legit dont care anymore. my OC now.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  im so embarrassed i know i could be genuine and actually try but i have brain blockajjolajlakala33lak33klak333ak3jka3akjj323j3 i guess it’s like ... ziggy is truly the ultimate expression OF humanity because he reveals everything both wrong and right about the human condition, he literally embodies the best of humanity and the worst at the same time, he’s a really interesting critique on the idea of genuineness/earnestness vs commercalism in art, the perils of fame, and also how humans are so inherently corrupting?  a lot of thematic stuff i like exploring is like what is innate to humans vs what is learned behavior, what are things that humans do naturally that ziggy mimics out of his desire to be like us?  i think he has a really good story arc -- he went from being a literal nameless CLONE in a society full of pragmatic forward thinking science-oriented people to a sell out rockstar celebrity in a society of people that value individualism and self expression and art, but in the process completely lost his mind and himself and gave into the worst that humanity has to offer like rampant selfishness, drug abuse, self destructive tendencies, etc. characters changing is always interesting and ziggy truly changes for the worse -- but he is never just black and white, he was never good and then suddenly evil, he just was always the same person putting on different facades and trying to be himself by constructing an identity that maybe was who he wanted to be versus who he actually is.  i dont know what im talking about. hes just an alien trying to be too hard to be human in all the wrong ways.   i just like how “gray” ziggy is. he isnt good or bad, he can be very nice and he can be very mean, he’s overtly showboating confident but at the same time deeply afflicted with self-consciousness (why tf else would anyone be So obsessed with how they present themselves?).  hes an icon of individualism but also commercialism.  he’s freakishly alien but is almost more human than humans themselves.  he struggles as lot in his head -- which makes for interesting writing, i guess !!  Im so emabrrased im not going to go back and read what i wrote so if i typoed dont look at me

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  i think ziggy comes across as really mean and nothing else.  his horrible bitchy rudeness comes across as hee hee hoo hoo sassy isnt he a rascal when it’s supposed to be more like ... he’s so far gone into the celebrity delusion he’s conflated aggressive rudeness with charmingness because no one told him otherwise and everyone worships him to the point where he’s just given into the delusion that he can do no wrong.  i think theres the general simplification problem that happens with a lot of fictional characters, it’s easy to see him as just a whacky sassy glittery quirky rockstar when i guess it avoids the inherent tragedy of like ... everything else about him. his totally fake and false sense of identity built up from superficial things like fame and labels and stardom.  maybe my version of ziggy is just too weirdly depressing and sad when i know his original iteration wasn’t quite so ... grim.  im not very sure tbh.  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  hmmm ... a lot of things! i just really got into b*wie stuff in early 2019, i’ve ALWAYS loved aliens and sci-fi, and i was really shocked that db sets up such great visual storytelling potential but does it through music.  i just really liked ziggys “story” and i like any chance to think about aliens so i just got invested into piecing together a little backstory for him using, like, the cumulative knowledge of literally every other piece of science fiction ive ever consumed in my life.  this was summer 2019 when i was making initial pitches for my thesis film, and so i just randomly decided to pitch “animated version of ziggy stardust” as one of the potential ideas.  shockingly everyone liked it a lot and so did my professor who thought it was really cool, and then i just ended up sticking with the character and working on him for an entire year.  ziggy became my hobby but also my homework.  he was such a fun character because everything about him was interesting to me and i had just enough source material to have a starting point but so much room to take him in any direction i wanted to.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  honestly, yooooou guyssssss. i have some really amazing fwends that ive met thru here .... and some of our dumb stupid stories have literally become NOVEL length. it just self generates inspiration because you realize the limitless amount of stories you could tell with this one single character when your character enters his story or he enters their story and etc. etc.  ive drawn endless amounts of comics and stuff for him ... ziggy is just so endlessly interesting ...   cringe be cringed bro but recently (i know this sounds dumb bear with me or die.) ive kind of realized a lot of how i rp z comes as some metaphor for the experience of being an asian immigrant/being asian in the US -- his home “culture” is a lot stricter than the rampant selfish individualism of the usa (he only lives in the uk and usa, so he thinks the whole planet is like this), he’s dissuaded from standing out from his community and his selfishness becomes a community burden rather than a personal flaw, and when he does come to earth, he goes through such awful culture shock, literally nothing makes sense to him and everything is Different.  and while some things are different in a Nice way, something things are different in an Awful way, and he’s given the option between losing his true personal identity as an atominan and giving it up to be a human. ��the allure of being a human is a little too much but losing yourself like this is traumatic, in a way.  obvs like ... a little silly and definitely not something that i actively intended to put into his story arc, its just something that fell into place cuz i guess i worked so closely with my own personal experiences and feelings of “alienation” (pun intended) to try to understand how he would feel being a literal alien an shid. its cathartic to write about him. but he also has a lot of my own personal interests just thrown in -- 70s fashion, scifi, science, tryhard implications about human nature, art history, whatever dumb nonsense i get into

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES?

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO  [ i would prefer information to spring up organically in the story but cuz threads always get dropped i end up just telling people outright. i didnt want anyone to know his home planet/his old name but barely anyone writes enough with ziggy to get to that point to reveal it (i legit managed to do it organically Once) so i just had to write it in a post lmao orz ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO [ wrote a ton of drabbles ! drew a ton of comics! ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO 

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / I DUNNO?

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES  / NO. / IDK ? 

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  definitely!  like i said ... my version of ziggy ended up being the protag of my thesis film and for 1 yr straight his characterization, backstory, design, and even how i wanted to animate his fucking movements (ziggy stardust timing charts.) were beaten to death in a classroom environment, torn apart and rebuilt into something better.  had i stayed with what i originally wanted to go with, ziggy would be so different than how i write him 2day. amazingly my pre production professor is a literal two time emmy award winning storyboard artist and animator so he definitely helped me design him (my version of ziggy is meant for ... a cartoon, obviously, not real life) and give him a better backstory?  and my post production professor is a retired disney animator who worked on hercules and a bunch of old disney channel shows?  had i gone wah wah wah i dont want to hear ur critiques i wouldnt have made him better.  if you ever think ziggy seems inconsistent or poorly written ... tell me !! i literally major in ... animation. cartoons. entertainment.  my job is to entertain you. if you are not entertained, there is a problem.  ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED ????

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I LOVE QUESTIONS? i love ... answering questions ... if you ask me something ill come kiss you.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  sure! i dont know why that would happen, though, because i mean ... he’s an OC. but i gues someone could be like “i feel like this is incongruous to things you’ve previously established in his character” or somethin

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  i feel like a lot of b*wie stans would find my version of ziggy weird but i mean thats fine!  i guess my goal is to have a well written character, not necessarily an accurate version of ziggy

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  if you hate MY version of ziggy thats fine but if u hate ziggy stardust in general (like the bowie concept) then u need some taste what the fuck is cooler than a egomaniac genderless bisexual rockstar alien with red hair? nothing. go back to watching your CW shows you dirty filthy normie

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  yes! dm me though. dont clown me on the dash like that.  i usually write your replies 12 AM - 4 AM so it’s expected.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  hmmm ... maybe! i do like to talk to people and i am VERY nice, trust me, if youre ever sad ill do everything i can to make you feel better. but im quiet! i dont really reach out to people and i tend to just keep to myself.  im not very social or extroverted at all haha i barely can make ooc posts without feeling like god’s coming to beat my head in with a brick. im sitting here at 5:30 AM with this meme feeling like if i post it i will die (BUT I MUST)

[justcolledgethings]

College Hack #5

Work studies and all that jazz

Before I get into this, if anyone still has questions after reading this my Ask Box is open

What Is A Work Study? Okay so for anyone who doesn’t know a work study is an on campus part time job given to you through financial aid. I live in the United States so I only know how financial aid works here so I’m really sorry for anyone outside of the U.S bc I really just don’t know lol

How Do I Apply Get A work study? So this might be different from school to school but basically in order to get a work study when you are filling out fafsa at the very end it’s going to ask “would you be interested in a work study if you are eligible” or something close to that and if you want a work study, well then go for it

Then what happens is after you get your financial aid report back it’s gonna tell you how much aid you’re getting and if they’ll let you have a work study or not.

How To Get Your Shit Together and Attempt to Not Fall Apart While Searching For A Work study Job. If you are eligible for work study then get ready for the not so fun part. It is now time for you to go on the magical quest that is literally just popping into any office around campus and asking if they have work study positions available. It’s kinda nerve wrecking and pretty sucky (I mean only if you’re an anxious fool such as myself lmao).

There are a few ways to go about finding a workstudy tho. You can go on your schools website and search for work study jobs. Usually there will be pdfs of available jobs with a brief job description and how to contact them. Usually it’s email. Emails are the primary source of communication in college (which I personally despise but you’ll get used to them)

You can also just simply ask around. If you have a good advisor they might know, if you meet someone who works at a work study you’re interested in go ahead and ask them. During your first few weeks of college the RAs and tour guides are every where and pretty useful. Ask someone during orientation or accepted students day if you feel comfortable.

So the thing about work studies is you’re only allowed to be paid for a certain amount of hours per week and that’s based on your financial need. So some people might be able to work up to 30 hours a weeks might get anywhere down to 10 hours. Depends on what fafsa decided on.

So here’s an example of how the system is kinda sucky. Even if at some point you work for 30 hours in one week, if your aid says you can only work 25hours a week then that’s all you get paid for. You can fill out paper work and try to get more hours added but that has like a 50/50 chance of working and they might only bump it up to an hour or two

You can also have other non work study jobs on campus along with your workstudy. I literally have two on campus jobs bc college tuition sucks and I’m a broke kid. The thing with that tho is certain schools have restrictions for how many hours you can work a week. And I mean just in general, not just the work study specific times. So at my school I’m going to be going back a few weeks early to begin work and my school does not allow anyone to work over 29 hours a week during the summer. So that’s another thing to keep in mind, but this example is summer semester specific for my school. I’m not sure how it is at every school

So when it comes to literally getting a job if you’re the kind of person who can just walk into an office and ask if they have work studies available, they have to say yes. If you have a work study and they have a spot left they can’t say no. Then after that you just have to fill out the paper work so it’s official. Then whoever’s in charge of you is going to tell you when the office is open and you should be able to make your own hours.

Most of my friends work at least three times a week and their shifts are anywhere from 1hr to 3hrs. Again it depends on how many hours fafsa gives you weekly, but besides that you legit make your own schedule. They don’t know when you’re classes are so scheduleing is all up to you which is pretty sweet.

I usually work MWFs 2-5. I have a friend who literally works from 9-10 every day bc she hates longer shifts.

Getting a work study is a different than applying for a job. So obvi when you apply for a job you fill out an application, submit your resume, and then have an interview. For a workstudy (or at least at all the schools I know about and I’m reallllyyy sorry if you’re school turns out to not be like this) you don’t need to apply. Credentials or prior experience isn’t necessary. I mean obviously you can’t apply for a job working at the ice hockey rink if you can’t skate, and shouldn’t work in the theatre costume department if you can’t sew. But just look into jobs that interest you that you know you can do. Most office jobs just require basic computer skills and the ability to have a normal conversation and anything else that’s super job specific they’ll teach you. And they’ll let you know if you should have any skills before hand.

I used to work as a scenic carpenter. I had previous experience but none of it was necessary in order to apply. I worked with people who legit only chose to work there bc they thought the job sounded cool and wanted to learn how to use heavy machinery. For one of the sets I built I needed to know how to weld and Ive never done that before so they taught me.

The best time to look for a work study is at the beginning of the semester. Every semester there are going to be students graduating or leaving their job so that’s when positions are most available. Especially at the beginning of the fall semester

~ ~ ~

So sorry this is legit a million miles long. If anyone has any questions just ask. I really hope this is helpful and I’m sorry if what I said doesn’t apply to everyone.

I’ll prob make another post soon about campus/non work study jobs in general but lmk what you guys want me to post about

[lavellane]

5 + 10 for emeraude, 14 + 18 for effie, 19 + 24 for arylene and 30 through 45 for imogen bc i love her so much ? 😏😏😏

fdjkfjkfdk thank u SO much maia i absolutely Treasure You !

EMERAUDE HAWKE - DA2

What does your OC normally wear? What would your OC wear on a special night?

emeraudes fashion sense is probably my favourite out of all my ocs, so uh if u havent looked at her pinterest board yet u should do that bc its Very cute hehehe

anyway for the most part she sticks to dark, practical clothing whenever she's out and about in kirkwall or doing merc work, etc. she picks clothes that convey strength and power, but she likes having a little bit of colour somewhere on the piece, just to keep things interesting. she's not much of an embroider, but was a good way to keep herself distracted during hard times, so she tends to add little patterns here and there whenever she gets the chance!

as for special occasions, for her this would actually just be. a quiet night at home or a relaxed gathering with her friends. bc its so rare for her to have that lmao. anyway for events like that she usually wears light colours and soft fabrics, simple but always decorated with flowers or colourful patterns.

What does your OC keep in a special drawer?

she has a collection of gifts ! that kids from lowtown would give her over the years she spent in kirkwall. she's a very community based person and wants to do right for her city, and shes very nurturing (in an ironical, Cool Big Sister way) so she likes making sure all the kids are safe and being looked after. she gets a lot of trinkets and strange gifts from some of the kids as a result, but she does treasure them (even if she laughs about it with her friends) and keeps them all !

EFFIE RYDER - MEA

Who is the mother and/or father figure in your OC’s life?

effie's maternal rolemodel has always been her late mother, ellen. nobody could really fill that role in her eyes, since they had such a close, positive relationship before she passed. her relationship with her dad was a lot more strained and it really impacted a lot of her relationships later on in life too ! she tends to.... see an older man who is Vaguely Nice to her, and then think “ oh, youre my dad now?” which isnt fair to anybody obviously but yeah she,,,, has a lot of unresolved issues regarding alec and tends to unintentionally project so. We stan !

How many times did your OC move as a child? Which area was his/her favorite?

oh constantly lol. With her dad being an n7 and her mother working so hard on her research, they tended to move around wherever her parents work required. she actually enjoyed it this way. she was never good at making long term friends, but she lived meeting new people, and obviously with the move she got to experience a lot of different cultures which really put the idea of adventuring and travelling in her head at a young age.

ARYLENE TORR - TES IV

What does your OC think of children- either in general or about having them?

she likes them ! she tends to keep her distance with most communities and groups of people in particular, but she does like enjoys having the odd conversation with the odd street urchin here and there, either sharing with them some strange, ridiculous life advice or – if shes feeling particularly chaotic – telling them the scariest stories she can think of. as for having them, arylene isnt AGAINST the idea, but she has far too much for the foreseeable future for that to ever be a good idea

Who are the people your OC dislikes/hates?

outwardly, arylene is an almost unbearably easy going person, so you would assume she doesnt hate anyone lol. but she does DEEEPLY dislike cults and groups of ignorant people who are arrogant enough to start messing with the balance of life, or making deals with gods, etc. she believes that people like that can do an unbelievable amount of damage, so she invests a lot of time and effort it sabotaging any group or plot she happens to find !

 IMOGEN FOSTER - RDR2

Did your OC participate in extracurricular activities, and if so, what were they?

hmm idk if this even EXISTED in 19th century london lol, but she would have done some very tame version of girl scouts as a child! She barely remembers any of it, but she liked the classes on what plants did what, which were safe to eat, and the likes. its something that helps her a lot when on the run with the gang, and something shes always had a personal interest in, as a nurse !

other than that, she’s done a lot of independent study on history, classical literature, and she speaks fluent italian we stan !

What is your OC’s opinion of school? What kind of student was s/he?

imogen comes from a very wealthy aristocratic family, so she was very fortunate that her privilege afforded her the education she got at the time. she is VERY grateful to have attended the schools she did, and she made sure to make the most of it, paying attention in class and studying harder than most of her classmates. she's a smart girl with a very active mind, so knowledge is something she can't get enough of. she was actually petitioning the board of education to allow her to attend university before she left for america – already their had been women accepted into universities at that time, but obviously it was still a very scandalous thing lol, especially since imogen wanted to study medicine.

What subjects did your OC excel at?

imogen is a HUGE overachiever and did pretty well at basically everything from science, mathematics, language studies and later on, in her studies as a nurse. i can tell you what shes bad at though lmao

anything physical really dkdkdks she is TERRIBLE at horse-riding since she usually just went by carriage everywhere in the city. art and poetry and writing in general she was never great at, because she's a pretty logical person and was told she never put enough emotion in her work lol !!! sports...obviously was very limited anyway as growing up in like? the early 1870s lol. and as for the traditionally feminine lessons in like ?? sewing and cooking and stuff well ! she was very average at them which made her  feel worse than if she was actually bad bc she's so used to excelling and making a name for herself oof

What subjects interested your OC?

Imogen loves greek literature and mythology !! the iliad is her favourite book and she keeps her heavily annotated, dog eared copy – a gift from her late father – on her person almost constantly. needless to say its why dutch admires her as much as he does lol.

obviously, as a nurse-trying-to-be-a-doctor, she has a great love for medicine in all its forms. she's always been fascinated in natural remedies, and even moreso when she's running with the van der linde gang and is really relying on the land to survive.

What is your OC’s dream job and/or current profession?

hmm okay so. Technically she's a nurse – she worked in her father's hospital for almost 10 years prior to his death, and she was sort of his unofficial understudy, as in she knows a LOT more than her job description requires lol. but after her father past away, another, less progressive man took his place as chief of surgery and made a lot of changes to the way the hospital operated, and imogen was let go. she and her mother were fighting against it, however, under the ground of unfair dismissal, but obviously given the time period it didnt get them very far. so ! i mean technically she's unemployed rn. but she still has dreams of being a doctor, or at least continuing her career in medicine.

How is your OC working towards their dream job and/or achieved their current profession?

Oh VERY direct action up until she got disheartened and chose to take her sabbatical. she had been working in her role for nearly a decade, and was very obviously one of the most experienced nurses there. even younger doctors would sometimes ask her for her medical opinion dksksks anyway what i am saying is Brain Very Good. she had been fighting to gain admission into a university – any, she wasnt picky – to study medicine officially, but it didnt get very far and she put it on hold after her father got sick. after he died and she was laid off, she fought even harder against the city to reinstate her title, and continues to fight after she returns from america a year or so later.

What are your OC’s thoughts/opinions of his/her current profession?

helping people is her entire life, and she wouldn't know what to do without it. she loves being a nurse enough to fight to be a doctor, but also in BEING a nurse, she is hyperaware of all the things current medical standards seem to get wrong, and she has a lot of ideas about how else to go about things. her father, a shockingly progressive and worldly man for the time period, shared her sentiment, but he wasn't able to make the changes he wanted to before he passed, so imogen hopes she can be the change herself, and make her father proud

What is your OC’s biggest dream?

being a licenced doctor, babey ! preferably at her father's hospital, but at the point she will take what she can get.

How does your OC react to and handle stress?

imogen  handles stress very well , which is partially why she makes such a good medic, and also how she managed to survive the first week of being with the van der linde gang lmao. she is very good at shutting out EVERY distraction when things get dicey, and her brain tends to move at a million miles an hour. all traces of english etiquette and politeness go out the window, though, so you'll usually catch her barking orders at people, and yelling at anyone who prevents her from doing the work she needs to do. it.....is a big wake up call for people like dutch and micah, and gets her into a LOT of trouble on multiple occasions.

How does your OC handle anger?

ooo......not great. she’s grown up with parents who maybe encouraged her to speak her mind a bit....TOO much given the historical circumstances lol. she really doesn’t stand for ignorance or prejudices in any capacity, and if she has a problem with someone and it gets in the way of her trying to do her work or help others - she will ABSOLUTELY be having words. she also overestimates her own strength quite a lot. she’s tried to throw hands with micah MANY times, often forgetting she’s this tiny 70kg englishwoman and he’s .... Him sdjkdcjkf. she has a big mouth too so she often says snide remarks without even meaning too, which tends to get her in trouble as well. on the bright side, it also helps her fit in with the gang quite well, because for the most part they all appreciate how wild she is lmao

How does your OC handle grief?

hmm i guess it depends on what you would class as “well”? she doesnt cry very often - being stoic and handling your emotions is important when your a nurse - but she does tend to shove her feelings down far longer than she should, and tries to pretend they don’t exist by simply focusing on other things. she also blames herself when a lot of things go wrong, because she’s a perfectionist and wants to FIX everything, so when she finds something - or someone - she can’t save, it feels like a personal failure. like she let them down :(

What is your OC’s greatest fear?

probably being trapped in an unhappy, unfulfilling marriage with someone who undervalues her. she’s not much of a homebody and doesn’t have too much of an interest in being married, but the idea of feeling FORCED to marry someone in order to have a decent quality of life makes her blood run cold oof

What makes your OC happy?

helping people ! meeting new folks ! learning about other cultures and ways of life! learning about NEW THINGS in general ! proving people wrong ! insulting micah !

as tough and high-and-mighty as she sometimes seems, she’s a pretty easy person to please, honestly. treat her with respect, give her space to do the things she wants to do, and don’t get in the way of her opportunities to learn new things, and she’s mostly very happy !

What kind of sense of humor does your OC have?

she has a fairly macabre and sardonic sense of humour, something she picked up from her mother. she says a lot of Shocking things for the time period, and she’s not shy of dirty jokes either. the first time sean heard her, a soft, well spoken english Lady, make some filthy, crude joke, he nearly had a stroke right there on the spot kjkjkfdjkf

What are some things that greatly upset your OC?

senseless violence, suffering or cruelty. she really hated the gang at first and hoped to escape the first chance she got, because all she could see was the crime and disregard for human life she assumed they all held. fortunately, as she got to know them, she realized this wasn’t exactly the case, but she still has a lot of anger in her heart for a few key members of the gang who seem to enjoy bloodshed more than anything. she also hates any form of social prejudice, and people who gatekeep knowledge and opportunities from others.

What are some things that annoy your OC?

i guess all of the above, but she also dislikes misplaced arrogance, and people who talk down to others. she tolerates dutch, but often gets frustrated with the way he speaks, using as many big words as he can to manipulate and confuse others. she believes that really intelligence doesn’t require obscure jargon and big, fancy words - she likes keeping things simple, so everybody can follow along.

[wildfangz]

@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want. 

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’.  i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust. 

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me 

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway 

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway! 

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

21

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

[midnight-circus]

another bullshit meme

from sidebloggable

answered for logan and lucius bc i dont talk about my big dumb idiot enough

and im actually gonna answer for their original Fable timeline bc ive been feelin nostalgic recently

Their physical weak spots

Logan - depends on his age and/or stress-levels. He has a fair amount of upper body strength from swinging twin swords around all the fucking time, but it wouldn’t be ridiculously hard to overpower him if you could disarm and get hold of him - however, he’s fast, agile and extremely skilled, and it’s getting hold of him in the first place that’s the issue. In the middle of his reign, on the other hand, his body condition takes a dramatic dive - he’s pretty severely underweight and loses a lot of his muscle tone, and it really wouldn’t take much at all to best him. 

Lucius - Lucius is a big, heavy mercenary who fights with a broadsword, so it’s hard to get the best of him in a one-to-one melee fight. However, he’s missing his left eye and is deaf in his left ear - subsequently if you use a little bit of stealth and come at him hard and fast from the left, you’ve got a pretty good chance of getting the jump on him. He’s also into middle-age and despite having decent reactions, a younger man of the same build as him might just pip him to the post.

Their emotional/moral weak spots

Logan - oh god lmao. Logan’s a mess, but his primary emotional weak spot is his siblings - be they his original two (hey queenie and dorian) or Morgan. I think he feels a bond that’s closer to paternal than fraternal, and I think the only way he can really justify to himself the pain he puts them through is telling himself he’s doing it for them. ok honestly, he will do fucking anything for them. at the climax of the revolution, the primary thought running through his head is how fucking proud he is. be nice if he said it out loud every once a while - hell, itd be nice if he’d just asked for some fuckin help before causing the literal death of hundreds of people - but yknow. thats just going one step too far i guess

Lucius - he’s a bleeding heart. when Morgan and his little band of rebels rock up in the Dweller village, Lucius is already there running supplies up and down the mountain to them; he watches way too many kids starve to death, and joins up with the rebels in order to lead them through Mourningwood. then he gets a crush on morgan’s little bitch face and just like. never leaves lmao. He’s easily blinded by injustice and gets worked up really quickly when he sees wrong being done - it can lead him to act recklessly or thoughtlessly at times.

Scars or painful spots

Logan - asides from the obvious scars across his lips (fencing wounds when he was a boy), he took some nasty damage from the Crawler during the three days he was trapped in the Auroran cave - he’s got a network of scars on his back that look a little like lashmarks. they hurt when they’re touched and he Does Not talk about them. he’s also got a few other scars here and there on his arms and chest from miscellaneous scraps and scuffles, and he has a deep puncture scar on his abdomen from an assassination attempt, but the less said about those the better.

Lucius - lmao Lucius is literally missing half his face to scar-tissue. he was attacked by a dog as a boy and it left him heavily messed-up. he’s also a merc, as i said, so he’s got a lot of miscellaneous old wounds but nothing quite as obvious as the ones his face. 

Best places to kiss on their body

Logan - oh, the neck, bitch. he’s also kind of a slut for being kissed on the insides of his wrists; anywhere vulnerable, basically. if you could kill him there, kiss him there. freak-ass bitch.

Lucius - dude just likes a nice traditional french kiss man nothing crazy. but also definitely give him a blowjob. i know this question said kissing but lets be real thats kind of a kiss.

Guilty pleasures

Logan - he reads really terrible novels. like…really terrible. he pretends he’s reading something highbrow and intellectual but its actually a shitty romance recovered with something suitably acceptable and nobody can know

Lucius - he doesnt have any ‘guilty’ pleasures tbh, he just enjoys stuff unashamedly. he’s too thick to feel guilty

Their vices (physical or emotional)

Logan - lets be real, he’s probably done, like. an impressive amount of coke. i guess the terrible sleeping and eating habits are probably also a vice but like. it’s mainly the coke

Lucius - he smokes like a fuckin chimney

Their tickle spots

Logan - not only does he not have any, but you would also die for trying. Elrick disagrees.

Lucius - his ribs, but he is uncontrollably violent when he’s tickled so its a real good way to get a broken nose. he doesn’t mean to do it, he just spasms. 

Bad memories/experiences

Logan - lmao. I’ll skip the most obvious (the 3-Day Auroran Extravaganza) because i think that goes without saying - it left him with crippling PTSD and damaged his mind heavily and insidiously. he was already pretty traumatised by his childhood and i think being forced into so many responsibilities so young also messed him up a little. it’s more like….rather one one or two specific experiences, its more just a general feeling of Bad that has stuck with him throughout his life. It was worsened by his later experiences, and essentially primed him for failure.

Lucius - yknow i was thinking about how to word the answer to this question and i realised that i accidentally made Lucius into Batman. His family farm was attacked and burnt to the ground by bandits when he was about 12; his parents and siblings were killed, and he only escaped by hiding in the coal-cellar. Later, he joined up with the mercenaries to try and track down the group that targeted them. fuck hes batman. i didnt mean to batman

Humiliating memories

Logan - oh man his father was a pro at humiliation. mistakes or oversights werent just punished, they were fuckin learned from, and he figured the best way to do this was humiliation - generally through public displays of What You Did Wrong and repeated recitations of the mistake in front of the people whose opinions Logan valued. It was kind of the catalyst for his inferiority complex and intense desire to succeed without input from others. 

Lucius - again, Lucius doesn’t really experience embarrassment - he’s kind of too laid-back for it. yes, it was embarrassing the one time he fell over carrying two milk buckets and threw them all over himself in front of the handsome boy from the next farm over and the guy started laughing at him but like. you live and learn and the dude turned out to have a really ugly laugh anyway so who cares

Fears/phobias

Logan - he’s always had claustrophobia, but after the Auroran Experience this intensifies to a whole new level, and he also develops crippling nyctophobia. part of this is due to his hallucinatory psychosis - he sees things pretty much constantly, but it worsens in low lighting - but it’s also due to the fact that there may very well be actual Things in the dark and he struggles to tell reality from hallucination

Lucius - dogs. fuckin dogs. he hates dogs theyre literally so scary even the small ones bc the small ones move so quick and you never know when theyre gonna come at you

Bad or petty habits

Logan - oh, he’s just a petty bitch. he’s also outwardly arrogant, even if his internal feelings don’t match up to that. drily sarcastic, too, tho a person only really sees that when they get past the walls he throws up - Elrick is very familiar with it. 

Lucius - he’s constantly standing to the right-hand side of people and then he wonders why he cant hear them properly

Grudges and vendettas

Logan - he’d hold a grudge against his father if he wasnt dead. he also holds a pretty heavy grudge against Theresa for not just fucking telling him.

Lucius - at first, only against the bandits that killed his family, but once he deals with them hes kind of at a loss as to where to go next. fortunately Logan starts starving people shortly afterwards, so if nothing else it gives him a kickstart into the rest of his life. Subsequently, Lucius will hold a vendetta against Logan for the rest of his life, even after he has been in a relationship with Morgan for years - he will never forgive him for the shit he put the common people through, and he doesnt really give a shit about the ~pressures~ Logan was under at the time. fuckin excuses, man. 

Ingrained habits/forces of habit

Logan - his terrible sleeping/eating patterns. even before trauma and night-terrors made it almost impossible for him to sleep peacefully, he didn’t get more than 5 or 6 hours a night, if that.

Lucius - if something is smaller than him, he’ll protect it. he’ll also protect things bigger than him, if given half the chance. hes basically a golden retriever in human form, which is ironic considering his feelings about dogs.

What it takes to make them cry

Logan - would rather die than cry, quite literally.

Lucius - his heart is softer than butter, he’ll cry at anything. he’ll cry at an injured pigeon on the street. 

Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’

Logan - never, ever, ever talks about what happened in Aurora. The details die with him.

Lucius - he doesn’t really have any - he’s not ashamed of much in his life, and he’s never done anything terrible enough to render it a skeleton. 

People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

Logan - L M A O. yes, it affected him terribly, but tbqh however much its affected him kind of plays second fiddle to how much his actions affected other people.

Lucius - has killed a lot of people who deserved it during his mercenary years, and justifies it to himself by being absolutely certain that they did deserve it. sometimes he doubts this, though, and that doubt plays a big part in his eventually getting out of the game entirely

People who’ve influenced them greatly

Logan - Walter, tho he’ll never admit it in a million years and he still definitely kneecapped him right at the start of the game so idk what that says about him

Lucius - Morgan. it’s real gay, i know, but there it is.

[ofphcenixes]

BLUE & LIBBY - text thread 001

texts from 3:55pm to 7:01pm

blue

hey lib. (: havent talked today. just wanted to drop in and see if u were doin alright i have memes if u need them

libby

i mean, technically we did talk. i reminded you of the moment the world stood still: when valentine and you made contact (1) time. are you okay though? you seem a little, weird

blue

i maintain that valentine was an alien in a spider suit that wanted to destroy me but u know what I mean djdjdjd just chats between us. the gc has been a june holden fest lately lmao hope it works out for them tho anyways i am always weird in ur eyes djdjhd. but im fine. shit was crazy that night and we never really got to talk about what happenedand if u wanted to talk i just want u to kno im here ABOUT NADIA bc yeah kdjdjjd

libby

don't talk to me or my son ever again yeah, wow, okay so holden stayed over the night. i only know that because i saw his stuff in her room? i think she mentioned that like, it was a one time thing but i feel like... he might be coming over again which.. is Interesting oh. yeah, no i think i'm okay. i guess just in shock. june is very broken up over it, so i'm doing my best to be a good pal, and bring loads of ice cream and kisses. /: do you wanna talk? about nadia? i know that she like, meant something to you

blue

ok good luck getting me to stop talkin to u but as for valentine? bye Felecia! is that right. hmm well he doesn’t seem like much is goin on so maybe they were just,, hanging out. bringing a bag over is pretty damning tho. and if he does come over and u see him tell that bih he owes me $ bc he ate my fucking chorizo salad ): r u proud lib?? I ate a salad by choice well I would have if Holden wasn’t a lil birch bitch DONT CENSOR ME fuck. im sorry. ): i actually wanted to see june today tbh. but if u need anyone pls let me know alright? id skip practice if u needed me, lib WELL. i mean ok i was sorta close with her in middle school and she’s always been a friend and I just. I’m just fucking numb tbh. I really can’t believe it

libby

i'll have you know that valentine died shortly after my 18th birthday so ): idk idk, why would they hang out in her room if they were "hanging out"? like they have history. i feel like thats, a little too ... suspicious given the context. in a good way though. like i hope it works out theyre both so miserable without each other. oh my god!! look at you go! so proud of you, dude! ( even if you never got to it lmao ) no, no, it's okay. june needs all the support she can get, and i don't wanna impede. i'm really fine, i just sort of need to accept it and i guess reflect on how terrible it is. she was a really sweet person and fuck i really cant believe any of it i guess

blue

fuck what kdjdjdnd I thought valentine just yeeted shit that’s not a good way to put it fuck but. im sorry lib ): ok I take it back Valentine was alright. still scared the fuck out of me tho all i know is that if i loved someone as much as holden loves june, i wouldn’t let you go **THEM fuck Damn phone Typos Djdjhdi can’t believe u make me eat green stuff its truly CRUEL whomst? I only know nadia just didn’t fucking deserve any of this. shit even daisey didn’t. i just want to protect everyone and i don’t know HOW it goes without saying that im happy to be ur uber driver for the indefinite future

libby

no omg, i took good care of my boy. idk what happened, they can live up to like 15 years so i was pretty bummed tbh. i was a bad mom he appreciates your support from the grave though i mean, i guess. but not everyone you love is going to love you back, i think that's where holden's at. not everyone wants to be clung to, and june seems reluctant besides, you know all about that. holden, the love of your life, loves june. how sad it's good for you!!! i'm helping i ... feel so badly for both of them. i can't imagine how their families must be feeling, fuck. i hate this. i'm moving to spain ah, dude you don't have to do all that. you probably are busy with practice, and holden, and work. thank you tho

blue

im sure ur a great mother. ): but still valentine was lucky to have u. and im sure he misses u in his weird spider heaven web of flies and whatever it is spiders like idk ill dm peter parker and find out i mean... guess that’s true. I suppose I dont get to see how june feels most of the time. i just wish they’d talk about it and sort it out at least. they both deserve to be happy holden is the loml that is true aksjjsjd. holden has enough room for both me and june in his heart. so i mean technically i can love someone else too?? but enough about that lmfao you definitely are helping. even coach has noticed dkdjd. making me better without even trying u can’t move without me who’s gonna get me free popcorn ): you’re just as important as practise and holden to me, lib.

libby

god, i miss him. you think the girls would be mad if i bought another one? like, to keep in my room.  i know! they're both obviously still in love, you can tell. i can't wait for them to overcome this and get to be together. also, im grateful for the amount of sleep i'm able to get now that... the room next to mine is less loud welp, i hope you find someone who is willing to share you with holden lol oMG, REALLY? IDK WHY THAT MADE ME IRRATIONALLY HAPPY LOL. WE CAN GET SALAD LATER let's go, we'll go to spain and take on a new identity. we can live along the coast and work in a bakery or something. get a puppy don't show holden that text he might cry. but dsjflk thank you, you're very important to me too. kinda my best pal

blue

u would have to ask. but if you did get another what would u call it? thanksgiving? funnily enough valentine is only a few weeks away. a sign?? i mean fuck ive known holden for years and can confirm he is happiest when he’s with june. when she’s not roasting him at least lmfao. and if my MasterPlan works im afraid things will get bad again djdjdj. I can take one for the team and try to get them to come over here tho - u don’t need to deal with that shit i hope i do too tbh. and who would I want it to be u ask? that’s right. danny devito. LETS NOT GET TOO CRAZY IVE ALREADY HAD THREE VEGETABLES THIS WERK AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY. I think it’s popcorn time 8) bold of u to assume i know where Spain is dkdjdjdjdj well he’s gonna catch on soon enough we spend every day together at this point lol

libby

i was gonna name this one patrick, after st patricks day actually lol. yes you know what's also approaching that is more important? your birthday! i know, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out. he's v much a relationship kinda dude, actually bc he's also kinda slutty lol. but even june is sad and its just, SO HARD. i hate when people are clearly, happiest together are like, nO IM GOING TO PROLONG THE MISERY. i feel like we're in a rom-com. how do we get them back together? i'll let him know. my v-day gift from me to you oooo, should i get the skittles ready too then? popcorn is kinda of a veggie if you think abt it omg, okay well now you can't come with me. offer rescinded. im going with the hot cop lslsfkjdjkldfs i mean its not like we're doing anything weird, so its okay, right?

blue

ur so cute wtf. although if u did do this i hope u know im calling him patrick star. also how the fuck do u tell if its a female or a male spider theyre so small and gross. fuck it is too lol. i dont have any money so im gonna let ppl down on the party front lmao. ud still come tho, right? how can he be both slutty and relationshippy. like not to be weird bc i know hes ur cousin and all dkfjgg but he doesnt.. have people over anymore. unless hes someone learned not to stomp around the house WHICH I DONT BELIEVE. and ha hA im already on plan 384 to get them back together get on my level lmao.  we just gotta force them to spend time together tbh. does that mean i have to give u the hot cop for valentines bc i mean. i would if that's what u wanted but im sure u can do much better than him OH FUCK UR RIGHT OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN A LIE TO CONVERT ME TO VEGGIES HASNT IT r u breaking up with me? well fine, ill take the dog ): it's... it's not weird unless we make it weird. and we haven't. have we?

libby

fdsjfjdsl shhhhh, back at you. Patrick Star will be his full name, i promise you this much. as for gender idfk, i am honestly assuming its pronouns lol. i'd be sued by the LGBT community if they knew. also dude, of course. i'll make you cupcakes. plus i know what i wanna buy you! i  can't wait dude what? really?? i thought he was seeing people this whole time, holy shit. dude he's really messed up over this huh? wow, okay, we need to kick this into high gear and have them get back together. tell me your plans. omg, no you clown. i don't even like him that much, he's just pretty. i do like... some personality and he has 0 GOD MY PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED. I CANT BELIEVE IT like i'd ever let you take the dog. she's mine sdfjlkdsfjlk iDK DUDE. I MAY HAVE MADE IT WEIRD BUT WE'RE BAD AT TALKING ABT STUFF, SO WE DONT HAVE TO LOL.

blue

do spiders even have gender i thought they were just the minions of evil lmfao lib u rly dont have to get me anything, really. altho now im curious tbh. but get ready for me to get a lit gift in june >:) ill even wrap it myself which says a lot bc i cant wrap for shit but i want it to be personal lmao not many that im aware of atm. will give u info is this changes. huh we r spies lib. >:) but i dont have any current plans except trying to force them to go in a photo booth together or something when we eventually go to the arcade djsjdh omg how did u know. but idk everyone speaks about him like hes gOD he’s just a dude. eyebrows on fleek tho I will say that IM SO HURT UD USE ME LIKE THIS LIB. ALL THIS TIME WE WERE GETTING CLOSE AND U WERE ONLY HERE FOR THE VEGGIES so u get Spain AND the dog. what do I get, sadness ???? you haven’t made it weird lib, i promise. not to me, anyway. maybe we both wanted the same thing. maybe. oR MAYBE NOT LMFAO but yeah we can talk about whatever lol

libby

don't talk about nate like that omg! i want to, plus its a surprise so no asking what it is. also wow i cant believe you remember my birthday, lol. you dont have to get me anything. you can buy me an ice cream though oh my gOD THAT'S BRILLIANT! aw, what if they take one of those cute kiss pictures in the photobooth like in the movies? i can't wait for them to love each other again, they're so cute. are you jealous that no one is talking about your eyebrows? you have nice eyebrows and nothing to be jealous abt GOD, IM SO SORRY. ROY HIRED ME. HE WAS WORRIED ABT YOUR HEALTH. IM SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY. I THOUGHT YOU NEVER WOULD /: you get the memory of what we were to keep you warm right, cool. noted

blue

why do u talk about the string bean all the time i know u grew up with him but seriously he's like a pale pipe cleaner that i dont need in my life ofc i remeber ur birthday lib. dont u remember ur 10th?? probably the best day of my life lmao. and if u get me something i get u something thats how this works as long as june doesnt say anything mean and holden say anything stupid, its a pretty solid plan tbh. im not jealous HOW DARE ROY PLAY ME LIKE THIS. cant believe u betrayed me lib, after all we've been through ;-; but what if i want something to sell off now that u took the house oh fuck lib i didn't mean it like that. just... pretend i said nothing ok and. yeah talk about something else

libby

hey sorry, i gotta go. talk tomorrow.

blue

oh is everything ok? but alright talk tomorrow then i guess bye lib

libby

night

blue

its 6pm lib but okay night

blue

lib if i did something u dont have to tell me but pls know i didnt mean it, whatever it was. i hope youre okay. but i wont bother u again i promise. just. yeah

libby

it's okay, dude. i'm fine. it's honestly my own fault, it's not you. you're always great. i'm sorry. it's fine

blue

i dont understand what ur talking about but i can tell u dont want to so ill just... leave this. but you're always great too lib. the greatest, in fact. just let me know if ur still coming to the arcade later or not yeah

libby

i guess i'll go. i like pacman.

blue

if u... if u change ur mind i understand. but i really hope u can make it.

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

more trans ramblings (tramblings?) - to T or not to T, that is the question

so i’m writing this so i have some thoughts to show my therapist next week instead of scouring my brain for them but im posting it on the internet instead of keeping it in a word document or some shit cause i need some of y’all to relate and i’m already way too personal on here anyways. and also at this point this is my personal blog too, i’ve given up entirely on keeping it just for video games. tl;dr: please tell me i am not the only one with stupid amounts of doubt going against the stupid amounts of evidence that i am very transgender. 

tw: long post, doubts, testosterone/hrt effects discussed in detail, (don’t read this if you know me irl and haven’t personally talked with me about being trans? otherwise go ahead), nsfw cause we’re talking about genitals but mostly towards the end of the second to last paragraph (i’ll strike the nsfw stuff), mention of rape but no discussion of it happening, lemme know if i missed anything

so as my last transpost said im very excited for my hysto that im nowhere near getting but im flip-flopping as to whether or not i want to go on t. i know i can get it fairly quickly if i decide i do want it. there’s a trans health clinic in walking distance from where i am moving in 23 days, i have 3 therapists who will write me a letter of recommendation for testosterone, and my mother even found me the trans health clinic so she’ll try to find me somewhere else to go if they don’t take me in for some reason. (having a supportive mom is great i don’t miss her crying about how hard it is to have a trans kid in january and february.) and i’ve looked thoroughly at the effects of testosterone and have sorted them into pros, neutrals, and cons. (posting it here again mostly bc i need to do it but i also need some of yall to relate and/or validate me and/or answer my weird questions)

pros:

voice drop. im so tired of having a squeaky voice which is exacerbated by me always being anxious, and my sister has a deeper voice than me and always tries to sing ridiculously low parts to stretch it for some reason which makes me feel insecure. and apparently my voice is “always squeaky” according to my dad and like? shit man i pass until i talk that’s just the tea. 

i dont even care if i have a super deep voice, i actually think i’d rather be a solid tenor because that’s the vocal range of most of my favorite songs, but i want to sound like a man when i talk and not an 8 year old girl

side note apparently a lot of trans guys have male “internal voices” but mine just sounds like how i sound when i talk because i’m a very literal person and that’s why it took me forever to figure out i was trans and not having a male internal voice makes me dysphoric sometimes and even doubt that i’m trans at all... that’s dumb af i know it’s just my literal personality type not me actually being a girl

more muscle. i dont work out as it is right now but if i knew i’d see results the way i want them then i probably would. also im getting ripped during the school year anyways bc i walk everywhere with a 15-20 pound backpack strapped to me so i’m at least gonna look semi muscular which is what i want anyways. please give me strength quite literally i can barely lift bro

bottom growth. ik it’s still not going to be ~enough~ or whatever but i’d have... something? that would be nice. 

side note would packers start to be uncomfortable with something there bc i wonder about that sometimes. not that mine is super uncomfortable now or anything (i just haven’t figured out how to make it sit right) but i wonder about that

NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS

if im one of those guys whose periods dont stop on t i am actually going to perform a hysto on myself

fat shifting from hips, thighs and butt to my stomach. i don’t care if i have stomach chub or not, but i DO care that my hips are Like That and my things are Really Girly and i have a fucking Girl Butt TM like please just let me Not Have These Problems

having a more angular face. doesn’t happen to everyone per se but because of my facial structure as it is and also what my dad looked like when he was my age, i probably will get this change. i have actively wished for this since i was 13 and didn’t even know dysphoria was a word. hopefully it makes my lips a little thinner too or at least more masculine.

veins becoming more prominent. i have this one pic of me where it looks like i have Guy Arms and i just wanna look like that all the time ya know

lookin like a dude and passing? that counts right

neutrals:

facial hair. i know a lot of trans guys want this but i’ve never wanted one. i just want a jawline to cut a bitch tbh i’m never having more than stubble except the beard imma wear to my high school reunion

body hair. this is more of a pro-neutral ig bc i want it on my arms and legs but would prefer not to have a lot on my chest and stomach. fortunately i dont think my dad has a whole lot but i’m a pretty hairy afab person as it is i just dont wanna be a werewolf lmao

hair loss at temples. i just don’t care about my hairline enough for this to really bother me. maybe i will when it happens but *shrug*

scents of sweat/bo/urine changing? idk i feel like it will be weird, maybe gross if it turns out bad but honestly i don’t really care what i smell like as long as i don’t smell like a dumpster fire? i shower it’s fine lmao

rougher skin? i dont know if i’d like having rougher skin but i also dont like being an uwu soft boi so

acne. nobody wants it but like... i already have stress-acne right now and don’t really give a shit because i hate how my face looks anyways. not that i want a fuckton of acne because nobody does but im not gonna cry myself to sleep over it ya feel? it’s an annoyance but not really a con

cons:

increase in sex drive. not to be nsfw but masturbating is a chore as it is. it hasn’t been fun since i realized i had crippling bottom dysphoria and even then i can’t get off unless i’m completely distracted from my body (either through porn or being too tired to care). also i have like a 2% chance of ever having a partner so i really dont wanna have to deal with having the sex drive of a 12 year old boy when im 19, single, depressed, and dysphoric. im not even asexual but this is the worst con

emotional changes. yall know at this point i dont have the best temper, and i dont want t to exacerbate that. now, some of my friends have said that t has made them much calmer and actually less irritable, but the rest of my friends said t makes them angry. i have poor anger management and i know it. i don’t need it made worse. it’ll fuck my life up for real

increase in appetite. listen i have gastritis, ibs and acid reflux i cannot afford to be needing to eat more than i currently do

so as yall can see i have a fair number of all 3: 8 pros, 6 neutrals, and 3 cons. and what’s more, all of the cons are things that don’t have anything to do with my appearance (which my therapist and i noticed during our session a couple weeks ago and really made me think i should go on t). so then the answer should be clear: i should go on t, right? deal with having a fucked high sex drive and be pissed off because of it but finally be able to see my reflection in the mirror. so it should be obvious. what the hell am i waiting for?

the main reason i’m hesitant is i’m afraid i’ll want to detransition. even though i KNOW it rarely happens and the women who do thought they were trans because of unaddressed traumas relating to being female or have a personality disorder. i have neither of those things: the only female-related trauma i have is being slut shamed by my mom for wearing tank tops and any shirt that wasn’t a crew neck and one guy saying he’d rape me in 9th grade because he thought rape and sex were the same thing (for his sake i hope he’s grown the fuck up!! i’m not traumatized from this i just made my teacher not let him sit next to me in class and told him to stop talking to me. sadly this is the most sexual attention i’ve ever gotten), and the only mental illnesses i have are depression and anxiety (unless we’re counting dysphoria, which i definitely have). i also sometimes feel like i discovered it too late: i didn’t say “i’m not a girl” until i was 14, refused to explore my gender until i was 17, and didn’t fully accept i was trans until i was 18. and other dumb shit: i never tried to pee standing up so im not really trans even though i didn’t know what a penis was until i was like 9, ive caught myself twice recently wishing for longer hair which made me feel feminine and gross and dysphoric (even though i know hair length =/= gender??), and im not in danger of suicide if i don’t get testosterone and top surgery RiGhT nOw. the prospect of me detransitioning isn’t likely, when you look at all the facts, but the prospect makes me anxious because everything makes me anxious. i am the poster boy for anxiety. and yes, i know i would have said that even when i accepted that i was technically the poster girl but i would have said poster boy anyways because it was “gender neutral” and didn’t rub me the wrong way like poster girl would have. same reason i insisted on being a dude instead of dudette and only described myself with words that didn’t have a female equivalent in french class even if it wasn’t true. so what the hell am i waiting for.

like i know i shouldn’t be doubting at this point because it’s so, so obvious that i’m trans. just because i didn’t try to pee standing up when i was little or ask why i didn’t have a penis doesn’t mean i’m not a guy. i logically know this. like when i was 11 and i insisted to myself i had a male brain but knew i shouldn’t say that out loud because that was weird and i wanted to be a normal girl who didn’t have a weird male brain, and when i was 7 and at my friend sarah’s house and her room was super pink and girly and i literally thought the sentence “is this what i’m supposed to be like?” and when i was 14 and cut my hair into the Typical Queer Girl Pixie Cut and my hair was just??? gone like i wanted it to be when i was 9 and ended up with a bowl cut instead, and instead of looking in the mirror and thinking i looked like an owl when i was 9 i smiled at how “androgynous” (masculine) i looked, and when i was 11 and only hung out with boys at summer camp and they treated me like one of them and the girls were really mean to me but it was the best summer i’d ever had, and when i was 15 and my friend chris joked that i was the “guy” in my lesbian relationship and i was so fucking happy, and when i was 15 and starving myself because i loved my “angular” figure and jaw,  and when i was 16 and wearing a dress to winter formal because my ex met me in one and i wanted to be cute for him but i picked the dress that looked like a suit because it looked very “queer” (masculine), and when i was 14 and literally went “hmmm im gonna bind my chest just because i wanna know what it would look like” and it made me so euphoric and i knew in that instant i wasn’t a girl but repressed it for 3+ years because dealing with it would just be too hard, and when i was 11 and knew it was going to be my last day going to school without a bra on and just being so ashamed even though i wanted breasts so i’d be a normal girl, and when i was 16 and wearing that backwards snapback all the time and my friend said it was what tops did and i was so happy that nobody would consider me a bottom or whatever stupid shit because i couldn’t imagine myself being penetrated ever in my cisgender gay life, and when i was 16-17 and scouring the lesbian section of pornhub for pov/strap-on videos bc i wanted to know what it would look like to fuck a girl with a dick without watching straight porn because i’m 100% a gay female because the word lesbian is too girly im not a trans guy or anything haha, and when i was 14-and-onwards wondering why it felt so empty between my legs and why it felt like i was supposed to have a dick lmao im totally a girl though haha, and when i was 15 and had to google how to masturbate bc i couldn’t figure it out naturally and still felt like i was doing it wrong, and when i was 15 and looked at my vagina in the pocket mirror i got from selling like 30 boxes of girl scout cookies in 2007 and my first thought was “that is not my body,” and when i was 16 and actually very upset that i couldn’t ejaculate when i orgasmed. trans who? what the fucking hell am i waiting for

seriously. i was 7 and looking at my 2nd grade yearbook photo thinking “that doesn’t look like me,” and i was 13 and looking in the mirror saying “that doesn’t look like me,” and i went through all of my adolescence waiting for “puberty to turn me into a girl” and then i was 17 and done with puberty and crying because my body was still wrong. i can’t believe how hard i tried throughout my whole adolescence to be some facet of “normal girl” so i wouldn’t get bullied and be dateless forever and thinking “puberty hasn’t turned me into a girl yet” and not stopping to think about what i was if i wasn’t a girl until puberty was done, i realized it wasn’t going to happen, and it was too damn late for me. now i’m 19 and don’t leave the house without either a binder or a sports bra/baggy layers combo and i’d wear my packer everywhere if i could figure out how to get it to sit right (and also get it past my parents lmao).  like if anyone else rattled off that list of trans shit i wouldn’t question them for a second. but because it’s me and i’m like “what if i’m transwashing my memories? what if i’m gaslighting myself?” i’m still not on testosterone and please validate me. tell me other trans people doubt themselves, no matter how obvious it is that they’re trans. tell me it’s okay to doubt hrt, even though you know it will be so much more likely to help you. tell me it’s okay to be afraid of detransitioning, even though it’s okay if i DO decide to detransition and it’s so unlikely anyways considering all the evidence of Me Not Being A Fucking Girl.

if you read this all the way to the end here’s an awkward hug and some brain bleach im not even drunk or high i can’t even blame substances for this behavior 

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 12 - “MADISON IS THE CANCER THAT NEEDS TO BE CUT OUT” - Ian

I had a 3 hour long call with Corey to debrief me on all the alliances he has been apart of getting made, the "Mighty Kids" meal or whatever they are calling themselves and the "Gayish" alliance, Corey, Madison, Kait, Thomas and Devon then Trace, Matt Corey and Madison respectively.  I love the information share. Corey is really buying what Madison is selling and that is quite obvious to me, that's a battle for another day, the first battle is getting Matt out to open the game up.  Corey told me that Madison really want's Timmy out next round but we discussed that it would not be ideal given the circumstances of numbers/alliances and our true game desires.  We need people that will vote against Matt, Again thank you Matt for working with me even though you're not for saying Corey is a threat. Check your game buddy.  The current plan is to take out Trace next round, bleed Matt, then take out Matt the next round. Ideally we make both these moves happen without burning any of our advantages but if we have to we will.  Trace burned me for Matt, he has to go. 

---

What I need to do is get all the "untouchables" working together, Maynor, Timmy, Cullan, and Chips. The people that aren't in those alliances that Corey told me about. The problem is how to go about it organically without blow back on Corey for me knowing that this group of people are who others have written off as a boot list.

Stephen going was sad but he was totally rude to Chips. Like idk. But it looks like im good standing right now. Theres an alliance with me Kait Matt Timmy and Owen. Which is great and Ian wants to work with me as well. Corey wants to watch each others backs. I feel like i can make it far just need to be really smart. Timmy and I working together is so great since our other 2 games we killed each other. This challenge is going alright. Its not that bad. Ive beat level one.

MADISON IS THE CANCER THAT NEEDS TO BE CUT OUT, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THIS TRIBE GOES THROUGH HER. EVERYONE BOUGHT WHAT SHE WAS SELLING. I'm about to fully embrace that every vote Madison gets this season is going to be mine, the Topaz idol is switched back to be wanting to be used on her instead of Matt

Cullan killed that flash game. Props to him. I on the other had sucked but i finished one though. This tribal has been very quiet. Owen mentioned that the names were Thomas and Chips. Like Thomas likes me so i know it sucks but i would rather have Chips go. Gunna play it by ear tho.

My name is being thrown out because I have been inactive. Well sorry for having a job, going to school, and having a social life, I wish I could be just like them looollll

Supposedly the alliance of 6 is doing Trace, them plus me is 7 and it's a done deal. I'm a bit nervous long term about doing this move because it's really counting on Corey to pull through with the Bull and the Lion long term and will be on board to eat the Mighty Kids meal fuck all alliance after we get Matt out. Seriously if we can pull off the two player swing of voting off Trace and Matt, the people I've coined as the untouchables/undesirables could nab some power in the game. Again that heavily requires Corey to be ready to fly by the seat of his chair and eat the six. If he's not, then I'm sure Devon will be itching to do a move by then. Devon, my KS guy, don't fail me when I'll need you the most.

I have a lot of feelings and it's been a while since I confessed I feel. So Stephen voted Thomas because I told him to so I feel happy about that because he wanted to vote Owen or Matt and I said he wouldn't be able to get motion with those so do Thomas. Moving into today's vote. I wish Cullan didn't win immunity because I would love to vote him out...we don't click so he can go. I had heard Chips and Thomas which works for me bc I'm not working with them but now apparently Trace is throwing out Owen's name and I'm like wtf because I asked Trace what he has heard and he made no mention of this so I guess we're not close like I thought we were. Either way I'm sticking with my alliance on this one because they are the people I truly trust so let's make some waves.

It looks like the move now is to do Trace. Timmy and I are conflicted because we really like Trace but he could be a liability for us because he throws a name for some people and a different name to others. And people in our I miss Borders booksellers want to do Trace right now. Hopefully it works out for Timmy and I. 

Everything went well last round, 12-1-1 which was almost expected EXCEPT I got a vote!!! Honestly I’m not completely convinced it was Trace.... idk. It seems bold of him to do. I figure either he did it in case Stephen had an idol, OR someone else did it to pin on trace or something. Either way I don’t care, I really turned that vote into a good thing because it gave me an excuse to talk to others about targeting trace hehe :) bye bye! No more hot guys on my island! Ew that was gross of me this Island is actually kait’s hehe. Ummm I rlly love her so much we bitched about everyone last night. It’s hard that her and I have all these allies that in the long run will go after each other but for now we are making t work. Hopefully trace goes tonight and then next round I’ll rllt have to deal with corey targeting matt. Speaking of, I do really love corey and I came into this with every intention of working with him as my number one, but it’s hard when he made other allies oremerge . He’s protecting Cullan and Ian? Neither of which I need in this game. And Kait just has been honest with me about stuff I feel Idk. I feel like her and I are more on the save wavelength than corey and I . But as long as I can keep them both here the better. I did tell Kait some stuff corey said not to tell her lmao including Cullan being after her.... oop idk. As wary as I am about my connection with matt, I did tell him about the idol and I did trust him with this trace vote. I think it’s going well with him but I rlly don’t want to go to the end with him and Kait kinda does eeeej. Madison I love but she tried to get Timmy out this round hehe rightfully so. Timmy has been SO GOOD TO ME!!!! I love him. And of course Maynor is still a bae too omg. I’m liking the people in this game more and more and I know it’ll get stressful but for now things might be looking up. It really looks like I’m getting exactly what is best for me two rounds in a row.... Can’t wait for something to go wrong!!!

This vote is the most nerve racking one yet. I essentially have to give up on my toeing the line and finally choose a side, and naturally I am choosing to side with my Survivor Wife Kait whomst I love. I like Trace a lot and the Queer Eye alliance with him Corey and Madison is cute, but like it’s time to frickin play and get rid of the threats in this game instead of letting life pass my by. That being said it’s quite insane that I must keep saving Thomas’s inactive ass! Kait is really adamant on keeping him but it’s frustrating sticking your neck out for someone who won’t so much as have a conversation to save themselves. I’m hoping to move forward with the Trio of Kait and Owen and myself, who currently have three advantages which is making me cackle! Let’s hope this vote rocks the boat in my favor or else I can see myself getting absolutely shafted once everyone compares notes and realizes I’m playing both sides.

Hi yes I choose violence. Sorry Trace. You have to go in order for me to get Matt out. I feel bad bc I genuinely did want to go far with him but it seems his alliances turned sour for my game! It should be 9-4 tonight, if everything goes to plan. Catch you on the flip side!

Today has been a pretty straight forward day. Now that I don’t have immunity I am a little nervous about the vote, but I am confident in the relationships that I have developed. I have been pushing Thomas since the beginning of the day. I think chips trusts me, and I don’t want to send him home quite yet. Everyone seems to be on the same page, so it looks like my work paid off. Let’s fucking move on tho and have another challenge I can actually win!

So this is pivotal for me. I really want Thomas out of this game. I don’t teust him and I do not feel like the game can progress worhba u comfort with him in it. Converse to that though my alliance would like to vote trace. However I have been informed that trace has made an alliance group with Matt Madison and Corey. Which obviously am not a fan of. So tonight is a tough choice. 

Assuming I do not get voted out tonight I will formally sit down and write what is going on in the game. I just have been busy this weekend so I apologize. The game picked up and stuff just as my school year was ending. As of this moment what I know is that the vote is between me and Thomas with the players leaning to Thomas. I was told Thomas was the dummy vote by Kait and Matt who want to work with me and not make an "easy" vote this round just because and want to vote Trace. I'm for it even though I've only gotten positive vibes from Trace simply because it would appear to make my time in the game longer. If I'm the possible vote this round via debate that means I AM the vote next time. Well I guess we will see.

okay so allegedly trace is leaving tonight, a move i'm quite happy with. trace mentioned owen's name last round and we all think that he's the one that threw the vote on owen last tribal. oh! and he mentioned tommy's name too so i have to protect my fellow scorpio fam. i got mad at corey today bc of all this shit that he's telling owen like cullan wanting me out but him talking him out of it apparently, and not telling me. it's just all this shit that;s building this massive amount of distrust for him. but for tonight we just have to bank on him i guess. i don't like it, but i'm not certain where to start with taking down his empire. our group with maynor, matt, and timmy is a good place to start. i'm beginning to think that's the truest shit i've got going for me. i don't know of anyone timmy is super close to other than like us, so i'm thinking we're his closest, or at least that's what he told me. IDK. i'm trying to think straight with tribal coming up but im just so damn nervous. i'm worried that someone told cullan who told trace, or someone told trace straight up and they've been plotting to get me or owen. i'd HOPE with how woven into people we are that we'd find out about it, but that's just a hope. manifesting that we will be okay and that cullan will leave next!

Ep 12 BYE BYE GEMINI! jk I feel kinda bad, and I honestly really wanted Timmy gone, but it is what it is. Another vote that’s not me is a win at this point. 

[nomtxas]

answer them all I'm bored

gotcha fam

1:Do you have a crush at the moment? – besides me being in love w k*rl a*zner, grubbie, and burky i dont think i have a crush on anyone (well i guess not what u would call a “crush” i think)

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? – no

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? – almost a month like i think my ex broke up w me a day before our one month (it was back in july so i dont really remember)

4: Have you ever changed for someone? – uhm yeah (god i was such an idiot)

5: How is your relationship with your ex? – non existent like i dont think she likes me very much considering we havent spoken at all since we broke up

6: Have you ever been cheated on? – not that im aware of no

7: Have you ever cheated? – no i would never

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? – no bc once a cheater always a cheater

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? – communication like i think people should be honest and open about what they want and what they expect out of the relationship like pls dont tell me ur ok w distance when ur really not, u feel?

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? – serious relationships pls i like the thought of being committed to someone

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? – i dont have experience w that so i dont know how i feel abt breaks

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? – none i dont do sex

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? – getting back together w her after we broke up the first time

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? – when they’re emotionally mature the consequences of sex and what it involves so maybe 20 and up

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”? – sometimes 

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? – yep

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? – yep ive done it twice (but twice it didnt work out both times so)

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? – dishonesty and not being loyal

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? – i dont know actually which is why i guess i was the one getting dumped

20: Are you currently in a relationship? – no but i want to be

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? – yes absolutely didnt work out that way for me but just bc it didnt for me doesnt mean it wont for others

22: Do you think people should date their friends? – i have mixed feelings on this bc i believe u should be friends w someone to get to know them first before entering a relationship w them so u guys will know what u want and how u are but on the other hand i feel that they shouldnt bc u dont want to ruin a good friendship w messy feelings i guess it’s up to that particular individual 

23: How many relationships have you had? – one

24: Do you think love can last forever? – absolutely look at my grandparents theyve been married for almost 45 years and been together for longer than that so

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? – eh i dont know

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? – probably bc even though it gets hard sometimes my moms opinion matters a lot to me

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? – DONT GET BACK TOGETHER W HER YA DINGUS IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK OUT AND YOURE JUST GOING TO MAKE URSELF CRY AGAIN

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? – i think so if the parties involved put in the same amount of effort and it’s not all just one sided 👀👀👀   

29: What do you notice first about another person? – their eyebrows? is that weird

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? – polyromantic but i call myself gay all the time bc im attracted to femme presenting people such as myself

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? – no absolutely not i feel like i would be supportive and try to hold their hand while they take care of themselves

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? – nope

33: Do you want to get married one day? – yes!

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? – bad karma but if people want to than thats their business

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? – yep i dont do sex bc im ace (grey ace but still)

36: Are you still a virgin? – yep

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? – both i think

38: Do you enjoy love films? – yes im a sucker for romantic movies

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? – no :(((

40: Have you ever had a valentine? – no 

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? – a baseball/hockey game and dinner after

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”? – high school english was a dark time

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? – both 

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? – yep but too bad i dont have anyone to be romantic w :(((((

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? – 👀👀👀   

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”? – yep but it’s ok

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite? – the holtbys ok theyre the power couple of the n hl

48: What’s your favorite love song? – life is better with you by michael franti & spearhead it’s so cute 

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? – i dont think so i did get this one anon that said i dont care abt people when they do have a crush on me so idk

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? – bc im ugly and boring

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? – hows the poor guy gonna take me to sports games? nah im kid but i feel like the second one bc i dont want to date someone whos mean bc i will cry

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? – nope not at all

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? – yep definitely bc i want to have that too

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)? – not really

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? – clingy and jealous (im trying to work on it tho)

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? – possibly

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? – no

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? – ….sub

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? – never but then again ive only been in one relationship my whole life

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? – i personally dont think i could do it but if u do then more power to u

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family? – both

62: How do you define “cheating”? – when u start looking at other people the way u see ur partner and not being honest w them abt it communication is key

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? – nah

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? – a little yeah but thats bc ive never been an active participant in it lmao

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? – def only in the winter tho bc texas summers are hell like literally

[surveysofdayspast]

“wooooooo”

Survey from: May 3, 2010 @ 1:03am Today: May 3, 2017 – 4:54pm.

Your last ex finds out you've fallen in love with another person? 2010: no ex lol

2017: Technically the above answer is a lie—I once dated a boy for a day in grade 7 or something. So I DID, in fact, have an ex. Technically. But anyways, to answer the question, I imagine he would just be happy that I’m happy (the most recent ex, not the grade 7 one…).

Would you fall apart if that last person you kissed walked out of your life? 2010: oh yes.

2017: Well I’m pretty sure I’m standing here, in one piece, better and happier than ever. So…no.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had? 2010: wo-ta-ta (water) :)

2017: Literally just had a sip of water before typing this. Or “wo-ta-ta” as I apparently used to say.

Your mom finds used condoms in your room, you tell her? 2010: lmao she doesnt need to worry about that right now hahaha

2017: “Well, it looks like someone broke into our house and had sex in my room, because you KNOW it wasn’t me.”

Do you prefer pasta salad, or coleslaw? 2010: pasta salad im thinkinnn

2017: This feels like one of the more random questions I’ll encounter in this survey. I like pasta salad if it’s not the kind with tuna, and coleslaw is also great if it doesn’t have too much dressing. In terms of which one I prefer, the answer appears to be…neither. They are equally great under the conditions specified above.

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? 2010: yeah probably, not like ive had it up to now, if i just kept not drinking..id be fine :p

2017: My naïve 16-year-old self doesn’t even know what she was missing. I definitely COULD live without alcohol, but I think my life would be much less interesting if I made that particular choice.

Who's bed were you on last? 2010: mine lmao 

2017: Same, younger me. Same.

When was the last time you changed in front of someone? 2010: lol no clue :p

2017: I just thought of old lady Rose from Titanic saying, “It’s been 84 years.” I’m gunna go with that, I think.

Last person you kissed, have you cried in front of them? 2010: yesss i haveee

2017: It feels REALLY early into that relationship for me to have cried (literally one month in), but hey, who am I to judge? Since we’re speaking of the same human, the answer is still yes.

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice? 2010: yes :)

2017: Yes.

Does anyone call you babe? 2010: on occasion :p

2017: I spent some time trying to think of clever answer to this—but I couldn’t so the answer is no.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating? 2010: yes for sure

2017: Well, I managed for 12x that so I don’t think staying faithful is really a problem for me.

Do you think the last person you kissed is a player? 2010: nope hahaha

2017: No.

Do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends"? 2010: its possible, ive seen it :p

2017: So many spelling and grammatical errors…it’s so hard not to edit them all out... Yeah, it’s possible. I’ve seen it happen. I think it greatly depends on the circumstances of the break-up, however, and perhaps long they were together, etc.

Your ex wants you back? 2010: no ex :p

2017: I feel like this question could be received in two different ways. But no to both contexts.

Anyone say they want to be with you forever? 2010: nope

2017: Yes.

Ever dated someone who was gorgeous but they had a conceited personality? 2010: nope

2017: No.

Last person you had a deep conversation with? 2010: twitter? hahahahaaaaa :p

2017: My conversations with Twitter are significantly less deep than they are ridiculous nowadays. But I used to have a REAL tweeting problem in high school. That’s why my tweet count is over 15k or something insane like that.

Anyways, I have pretty deep questions with my best gal pal Kelsey, because lives and personalities parallel each other in a lot of ways (and also because she’s awesome and easy to talk to).

Even more recently, my mom and I have spent a significant amount of time theorizing about who killed Jason Blossom on Riverdale because I guess we just think we’re Sherlock Holmes and John Watson or something. These conversations, while seemingly arbitrary, are actually SURPRISINGLY in depth.

(P.S. we think it was Hal Cooper). Is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind? 2010: yes, literally more than half the time :)

2017: Why didn’t I ever capitalize my sentences?

And sure, but only of the fictional and unattainable variety. Did you reject or accept your last friend request? 2010: accepttttt

2017: I’m not going to lie, I think I rejected? Because #strangerdanger. I really don’t remember, though. 

Would you prefer being locked in a room with your ex or your worst enemy? 2010: no ex, and i dont really have an enemy...unless its just someone i hate, which would be the penguin..and id rather shoot myself in the face then be locked in a room with her :p (not to be overly dramatic or anything :p)

2017: That was definitely dramatic. To clarify, the “penguin” I refer to in this answer and in some answers and surveys to follow probably, was my grade 11 English teacher. I did a weird thing where I nicknamed some of my least-favourite teachers after an animal I thought they looked like. At the end of the day, this is a pretty rude thing to do but I won’t pretend it never happened! This particular teacher was a genuinely bad one, however, so I only regret judging her by her appearance, but will never regret judging her lack of teaching abilities.

Moving on—I choose my ex, since I don’t have an “enemy” to speak of (probably because I’m a real person and not a fictional character archetype) and some potentially awkward conversation is significantly less awful than a possible duel to-the-death. Have you kissed someone in 2010 that means a lot to you? 2010: yes!!! <3

2017: Given that it is no longer 2010, I technically can’t answer this question in the here-and-now. I will, however, answer it for this year?

The answer is no. Do you want your ex to be happy, even if it means not being with you? 2010: lack of ex ahahaha

2017: Definitely.

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? 2010: OMG Juno?!

2017: That would be significantly awkward for a number of reasons.

Would you prefer a kiss on the cheek or neck? 2010: ahahaha doesnt matter :p kinda depends i guess :p

2017: “kinda depends”—Oh boy.

They’re both nice. Would it hurt seeing the person you last kissed kissing someone else? 2010: oh yes

2017: Look how the times have changed. No, it wouldn’t.

If the last person you kissed bumped into you at school, what would you say? 2010: good morning! :) like usualll? lmao :p

2017: “Why are you at school? Why am I at school? Aren’t we adults now?”

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? 2010: yupp pretty much :)

2017: Yeah, I suppose I do.

Do you believe your latest ex thinks about you? 2010: lack.of.ex.

2017: I really couldn’t say, as I do not, in fact, live inside his brain. 

Has the last person you kissed, met your family? 2010: yes, yes he has :p

2017: You bet.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? 2010: lol i should hope so :)

2017: I was about to say no but then I realized that would probably be a lie. It just isn’t mutual.

I don’t want to talk about it… Youre insanely drunk stumbling through the streets, slurring songs, who are you with? 2010: this hasnt and probably wont be happening for a while now :p sooooooooooooo i have literally nooo idea :p

2017: I could see this happening with Rachael or Sasha to be honest.

Next time you will kiss someone? 2010: tomorrowwww :)

2017: Only Father Time knows the answer to this question.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? 2010: [name redacted] :)

2017: Kelsey! 

Do you like to cuddle? 2010: yes :)

2017: Yeah, my cat and I cuddle all the time.

If an ex said they hated you, you say? 2010: no ex! :p

2017: “That’s nice.”

I don’t know, it just isn’t something that would happen unless I manage to be a really terrible human being. Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you? 2010: probably not hahaha :p

2017: Sure. Probably not “just to see me,” though. If I was in need for whatever reason I definitely have people.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? 2010: mehh probably :p obviously nothing crazy though? hahahaa

2017: You bet! Ah, life. 

Is there someone you used to talk to every day that you don't talk to at all? 2010: yeah sort of

2017: Ah, life (once again). Adult life, in particular.

Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life? 2010: mehhh wouldnt want to be lol

2017: I’m genuinely curious to know who I was speaking of in 2010.

The old answer holds true nonetheless. Although thankfully I can’t recall ever being hurt to a point where I thought I was beyond repair. Can you have more than one best friend? 2010: of course!

2017: “Sigh”

Yes. Has anyone said they love you in the last week? 2010: parents ahahaa

2017: Once again, the 7-year-old answer holds true.

Last compliment you received? 2010: not suuuure!

2017: I don’t fully remember but I think it had to do with my hair!

Are you starting to realize anything? 2010: i dont know? ahahaha :p

2017: What a vague question. I don’t even know how to answer it, to be honest. There are so many things that I could be “realizing” that I just feel really overwhelmed and confused while I try to figure it out.

Aren’t we constantly realizing and learning things? Isn’t that what life is?

This question might give me an existential crisis. Who was the first person you talked to today? 2010: [name redacted] technically, textinggggg! :)

2017: Kelsey via text, Dad via…real life.

Have you ever known someone that just creeped you out? 2010: who hasnt? :p

2017: Yes, unfortunately.

Do you hate it when people mispronounce your name? 2010: yeah, because you really think it wouldnt happen, oh but it haaasss :p

2017: My name card at my college grad had the pronunciation of my name (Jaime) as “HAY-may” and I kind of wish I didn’t make the correction.

I don’t hate it, it doesn’t happen often at all. Misspelling it, on the other hand, is a completely different story. Although that doesn’t bother me too much either because it happens almost every day of my life. I’m probably too chill for my own good.