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Insatiable Madness
Diverted-Dimension (Christmas 2024)
|Sagau Yandere Fatui Harbingers x Reader|
Why am I back here again!? Take me back to the canon!
Reader is Gender Neutral!
"Finally!" You cheered, stepping back to admire the Christmas tree in the corner of your living room.
"It looks good." Pantalone commented, looking at all the trinkets placed on the tree. "Although, I believe this gadget would look better placed there... And this bauble, yes, hmm, perhaps on the branch above rather than--"
Y'know, it always takes one person to ruin everyone else's happiness doesn't it? Especially when their name is Pantalone. You rolled your eyes, ignoring his fiddling with what you considered a complete and beautiful tree.
Let's just hope Columbina doesn't see him fiddling with her decorations. For Pantalone's sake, you pray she takes five extra minutes in the bathroom so he can have a safe getaway when he's finished with something he sees as necessary.
Anyway, you've been preparing for Christmas day tomorrow. You wanted to put up the tree earlier, not wanting to leave it this late, however being busy babysitting and making sure all the Harbingers go to work with a happy mood sure takes up a lot of time. Not only does it feel like you're playing a very dangerous version of the Sims, but more importantly, it sucks that when all of them leave you have to entertain the others that don't go to work in the first place.
"It feels like the tree is missing something." Dottore chimed in, standing back with a finger on his bottom lip.
"Please don't say that, The Regrator is already driving himself mad with his own activities." Arlecchino stated
Ignoring those two... They're right, something seems wrong with the tree. But you used everything in the box, what could be missing --
Oh, of course! How could you forget!?
"It's missing an angel on top!" You pointed out, walking over to the Christmas box and rummaging around.
After a while of digging and loud crashing noises consisting of you throwing out whatever you thought could also be added, you found a dusty china angel missing a hand.
"Agh, this won't do." You scolded yourself. "We'll have to go with a star instead. I'll have to cut one out later."
"Cut one out? How are you going to cut a star out of the sky?" Childe asked with a bewildered expression.
"They mean they'll cut one out of paper you damn idiot." Scaramouche glared out of the corner of his eye.
"I often see the Children of the Hearth doing something similar when I pass by..." Signora thought to herself out loud, leaning on one of the arms of the sofa.
"Yes, the children love cutting out different shapes and animals. It just so happens stars are one of the easiest things to make." Arlecchino nodded in agreement.
If it's so damn easy, why don't you do it for me?? You grumbled with an angry grin. It took you a few days to learn how to cut a good looking star out of paper due to your clutzy fingers, how dare they call it 'easy' in front of you!
"Hm? Why do you look angry at me?"
"No reason." You answered her, sharply turning your head away from her tilted one. "Do I even have any paper left? Ugh, I might have to use lined paper and paint it using gold nail varnish if push comes to shove."
"Absolutely not." Sandrone interrupted you. "That sounds messy and unnecessarily more difficult than if you just bought yellow card."
"And where do you propose I get this yellow card? Out of my arse?"
"No." She looked repulsed. "The shop? I saw some in an isle."
"When and why did you go into the corner shop?" You caressed your head, sighing when hearing her solution.
"That's unimportant."
"Sure it is. Anyway, I need to start thinking about how I'm going to cook Christmas dinner--"
"Oh no you don't." Scaramouche interrupted you with a cold voice. "The last time you cooked a genuine meal that didn't include those 'instant noodles', you poisoned everyone who has an organic stomach."
"No way, the Balladeer cares enough about me to not want to see me bedridden again?" Childe gushed with a chuffed smile.
"That's not important!" You raised your voice with flushed cheeks. "How did you know that what I cooked was 'instant' noodles? I never told you that!"
"I asked a staff member in the shop down the street when I saw the exact same package for sale in one of the pasta isles."
"Oh my god, how many of you have been in that damn shop without me!?"
The room stayed silent, some looking away with a cringe whilst others looked at you with unbothered faces.
“Do I count? I’ve never left the house.” Capitano raised his hand innocently.
"Unbelievable." You cried to yourself dramatically.
"I can't believe he's still fiddling." Pulcinella sighed with judging eyes, watching the banker radically move around the tree mumbling to himself like a robot given an impossible task.
"So this is what happens when you don't give him something to do after a long period of time. Lesson learnt." Pierro sweated, coughing into a clenched fist with shut eyes.
"It's not my fault." He turned to the group with hysterical eyes, every so often one twitching. Considering his eyes are always closed, you’re impressed that his mania has managed to do the impossible. "The Decider won't let me do one of the things I'm best at, manipulating an economy. Denying me access to undermining this country's government is making me go mad!"
"What a lunatic." You ignored him, eyeing his antics as nothing more than a regular occurrence at this point.
"So, we're up for cutting a star for the tree then?" You turned back to the group.
"It's your decision and your tree, so of course." Signora shrugged.
"I'm baaaack!~" Columbina burst through the door like a canary, singing with a pep in her step.
She stopped when she saw Pantalone running around the tree, her energy from earlier vanishing as fast as a bird when hearing a gunshot.
"Erm... It's not what it looks like." He turned around slowly, feeling her menacing and dangerous energy piercing his back.
He put his hands in the air, his smile shaking in fear.
"It better not be what it looks like." Her smile contrasted his own. "Because it seems you've been touching something I specifically warned all not to touch.~"
"He's dead, he's actually dead." Childe commented on the sidelines.
"Amen."
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Sandrone left to go get yellow card whilst Columbina forced you to tear down the Christmas tree and start decorating it from scratch. She said it was a punishment for you also, due to letting him rearrange it despite hearing her warning. What bullshit, she just couldn't be bothered to do it again. Anyway, Capitano helped you hold the christmas tree up so you could wrap the tinsel around it without trouble. What a nice guy… even though he technically isn’t helping you with what counts most.
"I don't understand why we're cutting out stars. Can't we just use me as the angel?" Columbina giggled to herself.
"No, that would be weird." You frowned at her. "What I don't understand is why everyone is cutting stars with me. Didn't the majority of you say this is going to be boring? Do something else!"
"The 'something else' you're talking about was also boring." Scaramouche picked up his pair of scissors, tracing his finger on the sharp side.
“I’d much rather cut something up than count how many particles are in a cloud.”
“What does that even mean!?”
“Anyway,” Dottore coughed with an irritated stretching smile. “I propose we make this a competition.”
“Of all the childish suggestions–” Arlecchino was cut off.
“I agree, I agree!” Columbina nodded with a happy smile. “It can’t be too hard, maybe we should have a reward for who wins the competition?”
“Although I find the idea of a competition to be senseless, a reward does sound quite… boosting.” Pantalone thought out loud, a greedy smile on his lips.
“This is not happening.” You sighed to yourself, head planted onto the table with exasperation radiating off of your slumped form.
“But what reward could we put on offer? I’m not against competition, heck, I encourage it! But what could we all fight for which would allow us to fight at our strongest the whole time?” Childe leaned against his chair.
The Harbingers thought to themselves, the room erupting in silence with the occasional cough or sniff. All of a sudden, their heads turned and looked at you. Feeling their gazes burning into you, you looked up from the table to see them expectantly eyeing you.
“Ohhh no. No way in whatever thoughts you’re all sharing am I getting involved in this. I’m not becoming some trophy you can flaunt for the rest of the evening.” You denied them.
“But you’re the perfect solution!” Childe playfully pouted.
“Quit torturing them, Childe.” Signora scolded the young ginger. “I propose this; let whoever wins ask The Decider one question. That question can be related to anything, the future or the past.”
“Hmm, but how would we know whether The Decider wouldn’t lie to us?” Dottore suggested.
“I’m staying out of this one.” Pulcinella put his hands in the air, leaving the room. “You youngsters go have fun, I’ll sit this one out.”
“Rooster, I would suggest staying to supervi–”
“So you can go back to that dirty office you keep closing yourself in to work? No thank you, I shall handle your paperwork today. You supervise this time.” He gave the director a harsh glare, making sure to purposefully hit him with his walking stick before walking away.
“Sometimes I can’t tell whether the Rooster is secretly a teenage girl or is just simply strange…” Pierro muttered to himself. Sighing.
“How about both, mixed in with the fact that he’s a psycho with more control issues than you think.”
“Hm? You think even more than the Regrator?”
“Deffo.” You clicked your tongue. “He just hides it because he’s a champ like that.”
“Don’t change focus!” Scaramouche raised his voice. “I order you to answer me. You will tell the truth to the victor of the contest, no?”
“Hold on, didn’t we agree to ask our own questions once we deliver them to the Tsaritsa?” Childe questioned.
“That was just to get you to not hound The Decider back when we first found them.”
“Fine.” You agreed with an eye roll, secretly crossing your fingers behind your back like a five year old. You’ll probably just make something up that sounds accurate when the winner asks their question. You’re betting that Sandrone will win this though, this kind of has something to do with her job after all.
“It’s decided then!” Columbina clapped in delight. “The Decider and The Director will be our judges. We’ll work for 10 minutes to create a star suitable to be put on the tree, then will be judged to see who has the best!”
“This is not gonna go well…” You said, trying your best to cover the shaky smile on your face. This is the best! You’ll just pick someone who won’t ask a question you don’t mind answering! Thank you Columbina for giving you this chance.
“You’re telling me!” Pulcinella shouted from the other room, sarcasm oozing like tar glooping down a slope.
“Count us down, count us down!” Columbina couldn’t contain her excitement, her body practically vibrating.
“Alright, alright… Ugh, I regret this… On your marks, get set, cut!”
“Seriously? ‘Cut’?” Pierro turned to you.
“What was I supposed to say!?”
The Harbingers sat at the table immediately started cutting, the sound of card shredding and small pieces emitting everywhere. Guess who’s going to have to clean that up? You thought with a frown, watching card pile up in the small crevasses in your carpet.
Looking around at the Harbinger’s cutting paper, you realise one was just sitting there watching the others work.
“Uhh, Capitano? Aren’t you going to begin?” You asked him.
“No.” His deep voice answered in return. “I am not going to join this display, no matter how entertaining it will be for you. Firstly, my fingers won’t fit in the holes of the scissors. And secondly, I have no question to ask you so entering just for victory would be pointless.”
“Brother, your fingers can’t be that big.” You deadpanned, letting your mind wander a bit too far with the thought.
He simply crossed his arms and continued to watch the others, ignoring you from then on. Oh well, he’s not interfering or arguing back like a child so you’ll let it happen. Besides, it looks like he quite likes watching so it’s the least you could do.
Pierro put an arm on your shoulder, getting your attention. You turned to make eye-contact and saw him hesitating in what to say to you.
“Do you need a defibrillator? You look like you’re having a seizure.”
“Who do you think is going to make the best star?” He said after, not registering your insult you said a few seconds prior.
“Wow. Did it really take you that long to think of what to say to me?”
“Quiet.” He warned you.
“Hmm… Who do I think is going to win?” You mumbled out loud, pretending to give it some thought. “Screw it, I’m not going to pretend. Sandrone’s going to make the best one because she does this kind of thing as a job.”
“Hah!” She guffawed after hearing your predictions, continuing her cutting with a content smile.
“Buuuut, that’s not what makes a star special. It isn’t just perfection, but passion and hope. I want to see how unique some people will make it… within reason of course.”
“I wasn’t expecting such an intelligent reply.” Pierro sweated. “Here I was, ready to scold you.”
“It’s like that’s all you can ever bloody think about when it comes to me.” You deadpanned.
“You give me no choice half of the time.” He sighed with a shaking head. “Your choices are often questionable and must be corrected. Would you rather have a physical punishment instead?”
Is this guy nuts?
“No… No, I would not.”
“That's what I thought.” He turned to look at the competition.
“Decider, help me out here.” Scaramouche clicked his fingers, beckoning you like an old woman would to her juvenile cat.
“Do I look like your pet?” You recoiled in disgust.
“I’ll let you leave the house to go to that dumb park you like if you help me right now.”
“I’m on my way!” You ran over to his side, peering down to see the mess of a star he’s created. It’s not bad at all, it’s actually your style - you like it a lot! What on earth could he need help for?
When you peered down to his design, you felt a cold unnatural hand grasp the side of your head and pull it closer to his face.
“Tell me how you like them.” He whispered. “Would you rather me add more detail or remove it? And don’t lie to me or I’ll kill you.”
“Pierro, The Balladeer is cheating! He’s bribing The Decider!” Sandrone pushed her chair back and stood up dramatically, pointing her scissors at the offender.
“Hey, no fair!” Childe whined. “If he gets to bribe them, let me bribe them too!”
“If anyone is to bribe the Decider, it should be me. I am the richest man in Teyvat after all.” Pantalone shrugged whilst lazily cutting.
“Correction: Ningguang is the richest in terms of all. You only count as the richest when it comes to being a man.” You pointed out. “And besides, I would never take your dirty money.”
Piero coughed loudly to quieten everyone down, all in the room turning to him like a deer in headlights. He waited until everyone stopped complaining and then spoke.
“Do continue with your cutting, you have less than a minute left.” He gestured to the timer. “And no bribery. The first to test my patience and even attempt to do so will be put under experimentation during the rest of our stay here and our return.”
“Oh, by all means, bribe away!” Dottore laughed at the Harbinger’s around him, silently cutting.
Huh? Less than a minute left? But when you last looked at the time they had at least 8 minutes left. You checked the timer once more, and found fat greasy fingerprints on buttons that weren’t there prior. You turned to the old man with an incredulous face, mouth wide open. He caught your staring, and put a finger on his lips with a small almost unnoticeable smile.
Pierro, you cheeky bastard. I love you for this.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
The stars were laid out on the dining table, each Harbinger stood behind their own creations. Sadly but also un-sadly, some Harbingers were too slow and couldn’t finish their star in time. By some, you mean Pantalone and surprisingly Sandrone.
“I’m not going to hear the end of this.” Sandrone had her face buried in her hands, looking at her creation with malice. “In defence, I value time to craft perfection. Announcing a set time dampens my methods and results in mechanics such as this one. Ugh, what a waste!” She threw the craft off of the table, the star unravelling itself immediately.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.” You sarcastically waved at her embarrassment. “And you, Pantalone? What’s your excuse?”
“The scissors you gave me were tampered with! I call for–”
“So I’m the problem? Okay, whatever…”
You walked down the table, looking at each star neutrally then nodding and moving onto the next. Now, you’re not an expert, but did they really think you wouldn’t notice? They all look the exact same! They all look like copied versions of Scaramouche’s design! When watching him try to bribe you, they must have thought you liked his design the best and copied him to have a fair chance. Well, they’re wrong! You’re just going to pick the person who will give you the least trouble when answering their question, jokes on them!
…That was your original plan. After looking at all the stars, you felt a new motivation when noticing one person didn’t copy and stuck to their own principles. Also they may or may not be the only person to not take this seriously and you want to mess with the others a little bit. Pierro will agree with you, he’s the type to disregard any copycats so he won’t have trouble with your choice at all.
“Okay, I’ve decided on my winner.” You announced, stepping back to view the expectant Harbingers.
“Arlecchino, you win.”
“WHAT!?”
“But why?” She asked, not looking surprised or pleased. “I could care less about an answer to a question, nor do I care about winning this childish competition.”
“That’s actually why I picked you. And because your star is an original design - sorry Scara, but uhh, you might have won if the others didn’t copy.”
“Of course.” He grumbled, glaring at the Harbingers staring at him. “One day, I’m going to murder all of you fools and sell your parts to people far worse than Dottore! I’ll get back at all of you for ruining my chances!”
“Anyway,” You tuned his violent voice out. “Yeah, you’re the winner. Pierro, what do you think?”
“...I agree.” He said in a quieter tone. “Now, I will be returning to my office to continue what’s left of my work… and review what The Rooster has already completed.”
As he was walking away, you turned back to notice the majority of Harbingers had walked away to go back to what they were doing prior, bored after realising they wouldn't be able to profit with staying around for longer.
“Do I get to ask my question now?” Arlecchino tapped her elbow impatiently with folded arms.
“So you do want the reward?”
“Despite it not being my intention when joining, I would indeed like something that was promised. Whether it be an accident or a purposeful decision.”
“Okay, fine. Ask away then.” You shrugged.
“As you must already be aware, the majority of my Children from the Hearth hail from Fontaine, the nation of justice. I won’t lie to you, I’m beginning to grow increasingly concerned with the prophecy where–”
“--where the whole nation will be flooded and all the people will be killed except the archon? Yeah, I know of it. Your point?” You finished her explanation, already having an idea of where the conversation was heading.
“Then you will understand I care deeply about the future of my children. Tell me, will I succeed in convincing the Tsaritsa to visit Fontaine to retrieve the Gnosis in place of Rosalyne?”
“Of course you’d use the question to ask about your ‘precious children’.” Scaramouche mocked. “Just how idiotic can you be?? This is your chance to ask about the future!”
You gave a harsh glare with icy eyes in his direction before sighing, a smile on your face. “Yeah.”
“Hm? You have to give a higher detailed response to that.”
“You go to Fontaine, Childe coincidentally also there for his own personal motivations which may or may not be important. The whole time you’re there, you’re investigating Furina and the prophecy. Long story short, that I WILL NOT be elaborating, the prophecy is sorted and the people are saved. This includes the children in the House of the Hearth.” You explained, pleased with the question she asked you and your own personal answer. Wow, you can even impress yourself sometimes!
“Excellent.” She sighed in relief, her face unchanging. “Thank you. But I do have to ask, is the Hydro Archon really working to prevent the flood?”
“That’s two questions. But fine,” You shrugged. “You can trust her. Everything is proceeding to the plan, although interrogation and suspicion do indeed accelerate it to completion.” You thought out loud, noticing her questioning gaze and smiling deeper.
“That’s enough serious stuff. When are we going to discuss presents? Now that the tree is up we need to put the presents under it!”
“Uh… We’re flat-out poor. We can’t afford presents.” Childe shrugged. “Guess you’ll have to accept my love as a present instead!”
“Ew, what are you, five? Wait… Don’t come over here! Not after saying something like that!” You panicked, watching him run over to you at full speed and choosing to run away.
“Scaramouche you know how you said you’d take me to the park? I’m cashing in that favour right now!”
#InsatiableMadness#sagau#genshin impact#yandere genshin impact#fatui harbingers#yandere harbingers#genshin#pierro#capitano#il dottore#columbina#arlecchino#pulcinella#scaramouche#sandrone#la signora#pantalone#tartaglia#childe#fatui#genshin fatui#InsatiableMadnessEvent
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Things no one told you so I will for no reson other than I'm bored
You can NOT unwant something. Desires are inborn. You are born wanting and until you either get it or exhaust all options, It will not go away. Acting like you don't want it will not take away the fact that you do and its little bitch behavior tbh. Meeting your needs will do you a LOT more favors than trying to superimpose others that you deem more achievable or acceptable (Again, little bitch behavior). It is a solid sign of Unthatbitchism to choose not to get what you want for whatever reason but especially because it?is?not?socially?acceptable??? all the women that came before you cry in their graves. All the feminists that fought for your right to exist freely, you spit on their sacrifice. in 2025?
Spirituality, but not manifesting and rocks and yoga and love and light. Never RELIGION I'm begging you never religion. What even is that. Spirituality, the other kind. The blood moon kind. The Penial gland kind, the one that used to have people burned alive. That, that spirituality.
Submission is a masculine trait. Not feminine. Again. nothing wrong with being masculine and mostly you have to be both but. Submission is a masculine trait.
Energy >> substance. Matter of fact is energy over substance. Its not embodying it's becoming. I can't explain this without going into voodoo witch area but listen- its something you become. Not embody. Not project. Not fake till you make it, no, its energy, mode of being. Seduction. Power. Beauty. Wealth. etc- its not substance. Its not something you become. It's something you ARE and it's not tied to substance. You know when you see a super attractive person but you are not attracted to them? They have substance but not energy. Or someone in a position of power that's constantly getting finessed by their juniors? All substance no energy. Its a state of being, like a point in an energy plane?and it is as simple as a decision & practise. If y'all were witch level of cool we'd learn so much but cowards. ALL of you.
Boundaries are also inborn. Given a boundary is a definition of person you are born with your person? A boundary is how- if you take all things in existence as one, you define yourself as part of it. Like your pocket is a part of your cloth but it's still a pocket and it has its own definition- That's a boundary. You don't create them you REMEMBER them and GO BACK to them. You don't superimpose and choose them they were there, but socialization faded them. Joy= boundary respected frustration/ anger/pain = boundary violated. Disassociation is the most ACCURATE indication your boundary has been violated, and it's a matter of tracing what happened and finding it.
Social skills = survival skills. Introvert does not mean doesn't like people that's called a coping mechanism introvert means prefers own company. Social creatures, people. Tribal animals. Herd animals, you get it? The people with the most social skills have the easiest lives. Its like fish that can swim. The most natural thing EVER. The winning code is actually just called social skills. Will outperform a PHD and social status and money every.single.time.
Femininity = Creation. Masculinity= sustenance & that's it that's all. Women have both men can ONLY have one.
You chose into this life. You did in fact choose to be born in that family to those people with those conditions. I'll stop there. This is, by the way, the epitome of empowerment. Once you understand this THEN you are empowered.
You have more than one soulmate I have never understood the idea of *the One*? Matter of fact if we are considering universal oneness everyone is your soulmate? But okay. he's not not your soulmate because you broke up btw. You get more than one. Much more.
Compatibility> chemistry. Wait till you get to therapy and learn all cool and fun things about chemistry haha. Choose compatibility every single time.
No one can save you no one is coming to no one even could? Even if they wanted to? This is not a Wattpad novel honey this is real life. No one can save you but you. You are both the sculptor and sculpture.
Listen to me. Listen carefully. You do not escape the Matrix you dominate it. Okay? Take the red pill live like the blue pill.
You can not be a *failure* as long as you are alive. Human conditioning is literally just to live and survive as long as you are not dead you're good. And no it is not to reproduce if it was natural miscarriages wouldn't be a thing don't you think? Then your body would prioritize your offspring over you? You're alive, you are experiencing life (why we have consciousness btw), you are fulfilling your purpose. You're fine chill. That's it that's your purpose. Survive and experience life. Which is to say staying in your room all day is, in fact, a failure but that's also an experience just a shitty one and why would you choose that.
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It is Tradition After All
March x Gn!Reader
Word Count: 1.5k
Content & Warnings: Lighthearted, flustered March, Olric once again being an unintentional third wheel, no mention of Christmas (though it’s sorta implied. I wanted to leave “holidays” neutral but there aren’t any other December ones I’m familiar with + Mistria isn’t in our world)
Summary: Olric and March invite you to participate in their family tradition, but you and March soon find that there’s another tradition that could take place…
Worming your way throughout the rambunctious inn with a mug of hot chocolate in hand, you made your rounds of greeting everyone and wishing them happy holidays. Almost everybody was standing, so seeking out certain faces wasn’t easy in the small sea of people. One person that you didn’t take just two seconds to greet, however, was March.
He was leaning against the wall with a certain mysterious air as he swirled his drink around in one hand. The spotlight was a place he loved, but when he wasn’t in it, he much rather preferred to be away from large groups.
“Happy holidays.” You smiled at him, holding your mug with both hands.
With his natural blush turning darker, March shifted his eyes away as he mirrored the sentiment; taking a sip of his cocoa. You tried not to giggle at the little mustache the drink gave him.
“Are there any family traditions you and Olric will be doing?” You attempted to make small talk. March wasn’t the easiest person’s tongue to loose; except when he was drunk of course.
During the past couple weeks in Mistria, you’d learned that many of the people here had their own traditions they participated in. It was quite different from where you grew up.
“Yeah, we hang our metal ornaments on our tree. Every year, both of us make a new one, so tonight we’re hanging those up.”
Warmth bubbled up in your stomach at the heartwarming activity.
“That sounds really nice, March.” You said softly. “That’s not only a really neat tradition, but it seems very special.”
Flushing darker, March tried to ignore your gaze by sticking his nose in his cup.
“It’s nothing much.” He mumbled. His vocal deterrent did nothing though, as it only spurred you further to express your heartfelt joy.
“I really mean it.” You told him, standing a little closer. “It’s so lovely that you add new ones every year. You get to see the progress you’ve made and visually see that another year has passed. I wish I had something that special with someone.”
Taking his burning face out of his drink, March switched to angling his face up; looking down his nose at you. It wasn’t a stubborn look, though. He was red in the face and slightly nervous-looking as always.
“You can join us if you like.” He told you, and your heart soared at the invitation. After realizing how kind he sounded, March stuttered while adding: “N-not because I really want you there. The more the merrier, that’s all.”
Nodding with glee, you told him “of course” (even though you would bet your bull’s golden horns that he was lying). After finishing your drinks, a very cheerful Olric approached and clapped a hand on your shoulder.
“Heard March invited you to help decorate our tree; that’s great!” He exclaimed, giving his brother a big grin.
“Only because I knew you were going to do it anyways.” He said flatly, acting like he was suddenly indifferent again.
“Whatever you say bro!”
After staying at the party for a bit longer, you left the inn; following March and Olric.
Entering their shop, you discovered a large, dark green pine tree had already been placed in the front right corner. It was all bare, waiting to be bedazzled.
Olric pulled out a worn box and the three of you got to decorating. You bumped into March’s side multiple times while looping string over the pointed branches, and each time, one of you would fluster and apologize to the other (though at some point you stopped reacting to it). Once the box was empty, you asked Olric where the new ornaments were.
Dusting his hands off, he told you to wait a moment while he went behind the store counter and grabbed a few small objects.
One was a larger, misshapen piece of copper metal that looked intentionally formed the way it was. The other was a smaller, intricate piece of silver, with acute angles and masterfully shaped details. There was an unmistakeable shimmer to it that differed from your tools that you couldn’t quite place, and then you realized that the ornament was made out of perfect silver ore.
Last season you had given March a perfect silver ore.
“Sorry there isn’t a new one for you to hang up this year.” Olric interrupted your realization, handing you a small item. “You can hang this one up; it was March’s first addition to the tree!”
Groaning, March slid his hand over his face. “I thought you threw that out.”
“I would never! The family tradition must continue!”
“One less piece of ugly metal isn’t going to kill the tree, Olric.”
While the two brothers bickered, you just continued to look at the tiny thing. With its pointy nubs and half-oxidized covering, the idea of just how old March may have been when he made it finally hit you.
“It’s so cute.” You cooed, smiling with mirth and holding it up to eye level with both hands. Almost immediately, March quieted and stopped arguing with Olric.
“Right, well I’ll fix us something to snack on.” Olric said, walking away. “Be right back!”
And then it was just you and March, alone. Awkward silence starting seeping into the air the second Olric left, so you decided to break it.
“How old were you when you made this?”
Stiffening, March replied with “four”.
“That’s so impressive! I had no idea you started blacksmithing when you were so young.”
Turning pink from the praise (which never seemed to happen when anyone else complimented him), he looked randomly around the room. Then, glancing upwards, he gasped a quiet intake of air.
March placed his palm over his mouth; eyebrows twitching and face reddening before you finally looked where he was looking.
It was mistletoe.
There was mistletoe hanging right above you both. Who had even put it there? Olric? But he couldn’t have possibly planned for you both to stand under it.
“We have mistletoe back home too.” You laughed nervously, feeling your face grow warm. “We also have a tradition for it, but I doubt it’s the same since so many here are different.”
With the way March reacted when seeing it, you couldn’t help but wonder if you were wrong. He just continued to look at you with his half-covered, flustered face.
“We have a tradition for it too…” March breathed through his fingers. “We- um, it’s customary that everyone does it if they find themself underneath mistletoe with someone…”
Flushing hard, you found where he was going for this.
“U-us too.”
“So maybe we should-“
“Perhaps we should-“
You swallowed, and March lowered his hand.
Stomach twisting in knots, you stood a little closer to March, and he did to you.
“It is tradition.” He gulped, and you nodded sheepishly.
“Like Olric said: ‘the tradition must continue’.”
March parted his lips, then closed them. He shifted closer to you; face right up against yours. The tension between your bodies was thick as iron. His dark eyelashes fluttered as he turned abashed and looked away.
So, you leaned forward and kissed his cheek.
He lightly gasped again, and you could never get enough of the sound.
Turning immediately to look at you, his hand went up to cup your cheek. The warmth it provided pulled you in, and you found your lips inches from his.
March brought his thumb to your lower lip, eyelids heavy and seemingly entranced as he whispered “it is tradition after all”.
Then he kissed you.
It was soft and sweet, and made even more tender by the fact it was March kissing you. He was slow and gentle while his thumb gently brushed your cheek. Opening your eyes a little revealed his to be shut tight; eyebrows knit together in concentration, determination, or both.
After pulling away, you began to feel a little lightheaded as March averted his gaze; fingers brought up to touch his lips. The blush on his face was the darkest you had ever seen it, and a fluttering pride filled your chest knowing it was because of you.
“I’m glad at least one of our traditions is the same.” You said the tentatively, hand on your upper arm.
“Yeah…” March nodded absentmindedly, staring off into space.
“Found some Star candy!” Olric exclaimed, entering the room and snapping whatever spell the two of you were under; making you both jump out of arms reach. “I hope you don’t mind if it’s not fresh, but it’ll still taste good!”
“It’s fine.” You said a little too quickly, and Olric squinted his eyes at you. Then, he did the same to March; scrutinizing his flustered face. Finally, he looked up and saw the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling and seemed to piece it together.
With a giant smile growing on his face as he looked back down to eye level, he clapped his hands together and turned around to the bag he had set down on the counter.
“Okay!” He said. “I’ve got two different flavors, so no fighting…”
The words trailed off as you looked over at March again. His face seemed closer to a pink now, but if his refusal to look at you told you anything, you were still the cause of his flustered state.
Before tuning back into Olric’s ramble, one singular thought crossed your mind.
You sure do love traditions.
Taglist: March FoM
@itsabea @theloserqueen @moonfiresonorant @turdofanerd @mariusvonhangme
@susanatactica @anomiatartle @apric-t @starsdrawnpastel
@smoochi-march @thatonenewjerseychick
#my work#march fields of mistria#fields of mistria#fields of mistria x reader#march fom x reader#March fom x gender neutral reader#March x farmer
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Do you have a masterpost about your advice on otherworldly travel? I feel like when i do it maybe im missing something. When i was younger i used to do it a lot. I could very easily visualize stepping through a portal to another realm, and i have a weird ability to kind of feel sensations that i imagine, like if i imagine myself standing in grass i can feel it. But when i meet spirits in this place its hard for me to figure out if they are something outside of me or something i just made up. I also don't seem to be very good at keeping up conversations with them. I don't really know how to start a relationship with them. Past usual pleasantries im not sure what to ask them. I would love to hear if you have any advice. I personally find it easier to literally go into my back yard and talk out loud to them, its almost like the non verbal feelings i get when i do that give me more information than directly speaking to them, but i also really enjoy otherworldly flight. I wonder if there is a way i can sort of combine each methods so its more intuitive and clear. Thanks for reading.
You know, I've never really had the spoons to build masterposts, this post is the closest I've gotten to one on the subject of how to travel to the otherworld, and it's really more of a "greatest hits" than anything else.
I have answered a couple of asks about how to tell what's a genuine experience and what's a sock puppet.
Ask 1
Ask 2
As for advice on building a relationship: It's easy to forget that building a relationship with an incorporeal entity is different than building a relationship with a person, given the way people talk about it on social media. You don't have to sit and talk to them for hours. A relationship can be built on offerings, prayer (if you're into that), divination readings, whatever works for you. What really matters is consistency. If it feels easiest and most fruitful to go into your back yard and speak out loud to the spirits then do that! Just do it on a semi regular basis. If you're the kind of person who has a sort of personal Otherworldly space you could try traveling there and talking to your spirits "out loud" there and seeing if you get the same results. You might find that the results are a little more heightened than in your backyard, giving the increased proximity.
As for what to talk about beyond initial pleasantries that's up to you. You don't need to develop a relationship with a spirit in order to practice magic or travel to the Otherworlds so there must be a reason why you want to do this. Do you want their help with something? Do you want to be of some service to them? Do you just want to be a good neighbor so initial plesantries, a little small talk, and a "let me know if you ever need anything from me" is enough? Talk to them about whatever it is you want, info dump about your special interest, sing them your I Want song.
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With the release of a thrilling and VERY shocking Chapter 1 for Project: Eden's Garden, I'd like to resubmit my "What would make them laugh?" inquiry, but for the P:EG cast instead.
Yeah, I feel like we kinda need that one after everything that happened over there :'D. I've been wanting to write for this fangan anyways, so this is as good a place to start as any! Let's go!
Spoilers for Eden's Garden CH1
(Also, is the "shocking" description a pun on the murder method? Very funny if so xD)
Cassidy: We know she enjoys extremely horrible puns and referential humor, and the strength of her laughter correlates to how much the people around her either groan or enjoy the jokes alongside her.
Damon: He'd never admit it, but he enjoys silly jokes about niche topics he's researched for debates, provided he remembers enough about them. He particularly enjoys deadpan and sarcasm, and teasing other people.
Desmond: With how chill he is, he enjoys sweet and wholesome jokes the most. He can chuckle at anything if he's in a large enough group where everyone is comfortable, though.
Diana: She enjoys watching her friends engage in goofy antics and have silly discussions. Anything that makes them laugh, will make her smile, at least, and she'll usually laugh along too.
Eloise: Very odd and awkward sense of humor that not everyone gets. However, if someone matches her energy, she can very easily become a giggling mess. Very into inside jokes.
Eva: She'd rather not admit it, but really nerdy jokes and overly convoluted wordplay amuse her more than anything else. She also enjoys teasing the very few people she can call friends, and laughs when they get flustered.
Grace: Making fun of people and sexual innuendo are the easiest way to get her to laugh. She really enjoys slapstick and silly misfortunes, and flustering people like Wolfgang with her innuendo.
Ingrid: Laughs whenever she finds something cute, and generally, she finds other people's laughter cute. In other words, she laughs when others laugh, so she tries to make that happen.
Jean: Will readily and heartily laugh whenever he's having fun with friends, no matter what that fun looks like. Particularly enjoys anything that reminds him of the sea, like puns about the ocean and the like.
Jett: Similarly to Jean, if he likes the people he's around, a quick laugh will always precede all his sentences. Other than that, high intensity bits where there's one joke after another in quick succession are the best ways to hear his laughter.
Kai: Internet memes, "brainrot" humor, references to popular media... Just the most "chronically online" sense of humor you can possibly imagine. Also likes teasing people occasionally.
Mark: He's the hardest to get to laugh in the entire cast, but the best way to do it would be catching him off guard with a really ironic or unexpected joke. Self-deprecating and generally depressing humor go over particularly well.
Toshiko: She really likes weirding people out with her odd stories and grandiloquence, because it makes her feel smarter than them. But when she's not teasing others, she can also be seen giggling at absurdist jokes she's embarrassed to admit she likes (finds them childish).
Ulysses: He enjoys smart history references, so his sense of humor can certainly be described as "nerdy as hell." Very big fan of deadpan humor, too.
Wenona: Also a big fan of deadpan, she and Ulysses have fun together. She also likes making fun of people, and finds it particularly funny when they fight back on whatever point she makes.
Wolfgang: Likes playing along with other people's antics, like Grace's. In other words, he laughs when someone is being super silly around him and he can "yes and" his way into a funny bit.
Tozu: Human suffering and overly dramatic puns.
Mara: Clinically unable to laugh, or so she says. Secretly loves cute animal videos.
Cara: I guess it depends on what theories you believe about her. However, I don't know the full range of theories around her, so I'll leave it at that :p
Hope that was good enough! Thanks for the ask, it's always fun to think about this! :D
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NSFW alphabet: Vash the stampede
A bit more in-depth exploration of my take on Vash. I’m not TOO happy with it, but it’ll at least flesh him out for the time being, and I can always return to this if I want to clarify some shit later. Hope you enjoy regardless!
A= Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Vash is a very good partner for aftercare. He’s always sure to dote and love on his partner after sex, and it doesn’t even have to be rough sex, he’s just always sure to check on his lovers.
B= Body part (favorite on themselves and their partners)
Vash doesn’t really like his own body. He views himself as either a monster or a failure depending on the day, so he hates himself too much for a favorite anatomical part.
Weirdly enough, Vash strikes me as someone who likes his partners eyes more than anything. They’re just so expressive and bright! Full of life!
Other than that, he’s a bit of an ass lover.
C= Cum (Anything to do with cum)
Vash doesn’t strike me as someone who likes the taste of cum, but he’d swallow if you told him to.
D= Dirty secret (Their dirty secret)
Vash seems like he’d be a top, and he can be a top if his lover demands it, but in his soul. In his core, that bitch is, and wants to be, a bottom.
He has a praise kink, even if he can’t take a compliment to save his life.
E= Experience (How experienced are they?)
Despite his flirtatious attitude, Vash is not very experienced at all. Between his distaste for his own body, fear of hurting others, and reputation, he doesn’t get a lot of action despite being pretty.
F= Favorite position (self explanatory)
Sad to say, but I do think Vash is a bit vanilla when given his way. He’d prefer probably missionary, maybe fuckin’ his lover against a wall if he’s feeling spicy lmao. That being said though, he’d try any position his partner wanted so long as it wouldn’t hurt you too bad.
G= Goofy (Are they more goofy or more serious in the moment?)
Vash is a very goofy, light-hearted lover. He’d crack jokes, he wouldn’t take it too seriously, and he’d just do whatever he could to curb the anxiety that comes with his reputation.
H= Hair (How well groomed are they? Do the carpets match the drapes?)
He is a bit in the middle of grooming levels. He doesn’t bother too much with shaving (or really washing tbh) but he keeps it in check at least. Same with his hygiene
It’s not like he’s a garbage pile, but he’s definitely bushy.
I= Intimacy (how are they in the moment? Romantically)
Vash is a veryromantic man. He’d take his time, he’d lavish you in attention, and he’d be an utter gooball if you let him during sex. Or in general, honestly
J= Jack off (masturbation habits)
Vash barely, if ever, masturbates, honestly. He’s pretty low on the sexual need scale, so the urge doesn’t hit too often.
K= Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Praise kink is probably the easiest one to pinpoint, but he also has a bit of a degredation kink, maybe a lil masochism
He might also have a breeding kink. Just a lil.
Maybe a tiny, itty bitty part of him also might get off on how feared he is. He’s the big bad humanoid typhoon, oooo fear him lol.
L= Location (favorite place to do it)
Vash is not picky at all. The desert, a car, an alley, the inns and hotels he can find, it does not matter to him.
M= Motivation (what gets them going and in the mood?)
Compotency. Compotency is probably his biggest turn on. With guns, with their job, it doesn’t matter what his partner does, so long as they’re compotent he’s into it.
Aside from that, honestly if his lover’s just. Into him, it gets him going a good number of times. Vash is not a picky man, he just has a low sex drive.
N= No (What are their turn offs)
As I’ve stated on the headcanons, Vash is pretty okay with being called a slut, but when you dip into using ‘pathetic’, ‘worthless’, and other harsh, non-sexual insults to describe him, he’s not much of a fan. Tis the horrible self image.
While Vash is a very accomodating for his lovers with a lot of fantasies, one thing he won’t play into is anything like step-brother, daddy, mommy, anything family-related.
God help you if you’re at all aware of Knives in any recognizable way, because Vash sure as fuck won’t feed into that lmao.
O= Oral (preferences on giving/getting, skill, etc)
Vash doesn’t mind either way on whether he gets or gives oral. It feels good to get, and it makes him feel good to give, so either way works for him.
If he had to pick a preference though, he’d definitely go with giving rather than getting.
P= Pace (are they fast, rough, slow etc)
Vash’s pace very much depends on his lover’s preference. When left up to him, he’s pretty medium though.
Q= Quickie (Their opinions on them, how often)
Honestly, Vash kind of prefers quickies. They give him an excuse to not strip entirely and it gives him a thrill to be so desired that you don’t care about getting caught.
R= Risk (Are they game to experiment? Take risks?)
Vash is a bit middle-of-the-road on risks, admittedly. He’s not that easy to kill or really hurt, so he’s fine with being the guinnea pig if you want to try cutting him or menacing him with a gun.
He’s a little less eager to be risky when you ask him to choke you until passing out or something.
When it comes down to the risk of being caught, he’s actually shockingly into it, so long as it’s a risk exclusive to when he’s mostly dressed.
S= Stamina (How many rounds can they go?)
Thanks to being a plant and not at all human, Vash has a wonderful stamina! He can run through the desert for an entire day, and he can go multiple, multiple rounds in bed.
T= Toys (Do they have them? Do they use toys on themselves or partners?)
Vash loves to use toys on his partner. Especially if it saves him having to expose his scars and whatever he deems ‘ugly’ about himself.
if you let him, he'd use an array of toys on you, in some pretty creative ways.
yes, he would use a remote controlled one on you throughout the day.
U= Unfair (Do they like to tease?)
While Vash is a very playful man, and he’ll edge you if asked, he tends to not tease too much.
That being said, he’s still a bit of a tease. Whether it’s with simple flirting, or quick touches or the like.
V= Volume (How loud are they? What noises do they make? Etc)
Vash can get a bit noisy if he gets too into it, but for the most part he strikes me as p good at keeping his voice down lol.
W= Wild card (Just a random headcanon about the character)
I aint got nothing sexual, so I’ll just say. I headcanon he and Knives each have odd proficiencies, and Vash’s is his skill for accuracy with projectiles.
Like, even before he honed it to the level its at now, he’s always been weirdly good at hitting targets with thrown shit.
X= X-Ray (What’s going on underneath those clothes?)
He is at least a healthy 6-6.5 inches down there
Y= Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
Sad to say to all the vash girlies, but I don’t imagine he has a high sex drive.
I lean towards he’s likely demisexual, so I don’t entirely see him being a hoe regardless. In situations where he is one, I imagine he can go years upon years between hook ups.
He’s like a crocodile in that way lmao.
Z= Zzz (How quickly do they fall asleep after?)
Vash technically doesn’t even really need to sleep regardless of activity beforehand, so I imagine it’s a bit hit or miss with him.
Some nights he takes a few hours to sleep, others he’s out like a light, basically on command.
#Vash the stampede#headcanon#trigun#trigun 98#trigun stampede#tristamp#not sfw#spicy#lemon#minors do not interact#mdni
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Fuck. I cannot emphasize to you the beauty of having love written in words, on paper, via text, whatever the method... Something special about being able to look at something physical that tells you just how much someone loves you. Being able to look at it whenever and think to yourself: "They put so much effort into this..." Because they did, even if it only took 5 minutes to scribble down, even if it's not a literature masterpiece that's not what matters. What matters is that they went out of their way to pin down the words best they could and write them down so you could see them. It's no replacement for verbal, they are different things, but they are beautiful differences. Beautiful and lovely unique methods of communication and acceptance and love.
#This is why writing love letters was/is a thing#let's talk about it#love#love letters#writing#communication#in all forms#please it's so important#you can do it in whatever way is easiest for you#but it matters so much that you do#I promise#no matter how long you've been dating#or been friends#or just- however long you've known each other#I am.#Very gay#I love my angel#my sound-box with the random-est combination of things loaded onto it#my blinding void <3#queers#did I mention#I'm gay#?#soft love#gentle love#I'm chewing on it#nsft#queer nsft#t4t nsft
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one of my toxic traits is that i can't stand writers as a class of people WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A FEW ONES ok some of them are also the loves of my life but. they're crucially a minority so apart from those they're all SO annoying to me. and the fact that i'm also one doesn't help. anyway if you're a writer and i don't know you personally you should die
#i should maybe leave that one server i'm in it's not helping the hater tendencies#bc it's full of that one specific type. of people who write only because it's seen as the easiest way of doing it#which on a purely resources point is not exactly wrong and in a vacuum i always support getting your story out there in any way you can BUT#the result is that they genuinely don't care about writing as an artform. no consideration for prose no sense of style not even TRYING#to do something more than a glorified script in the format of a novel. and you can say 'oh you're being mean maybe they're just new to that#but it shows in the way they talk about other stuff too. completely ignoring the potential of the form. the reality of 'words on a page'#it's always just shit like 'is this villain's redemption arc ''''good'''' 🤔🤔🤔' or whatever. i hate you. i'll kill you.#that being said the prose warriorpoets who write only the most boring ass stories about men cheating on their wives are just as bad BUT#i don't meet a lot of those god bless.#anyway. i hate all of you and your fuckass medfan novels so so so so much i hope we all die in a fire for the sin of bad art#.parakeet
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Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
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uhhh i don’t know how this works, but, in case i haven’t specified, my writing requests are open! idk, send me an ask, idk, i literally don’t know, and it DOES NOT have to be in my specific AU, im down for anything!!! I have some more free time now & this is a good exercise!! if u want me to write stuff, 🫡 here i am!*
* no promises i get to ur ask. But I will try my best.
#tried to think of example prompts and couldn’t so really im down for anything#does NOT have to be in my specific au#like if you give me icemav + 🌸 or some shit (feeling emojis rn idk) i would probably write 1980s in love icemav#cymav beach outing#idk. i can do deep shit too.#god icemav poetry….. hoooo boy i could do poetry#i don’t care.#or request icemav 1812 au so i actually finish it#icemav cowboy au#well im giving you ideas now. supposed to be the other way around.#this is in lieu of wip wednesday#icemav at the presidential inauguration.#top gun Christmas party.#icemav + longing 👀#idfk.#it can be in my specific au too 🌝😇#easiest for me to write by now#just uhhh know that i try not to do corny. whatever that means to u#if it’s in my specific au it might go in my extras im gonna post to ao3 soonish#still working on em#at like 80k now. i am mentally ill
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honestly why do men
rant in tags
#hana.rambles#it'll be a rant#god so i was talking to this guy and#he goes like women in our society are so privileged and have so much more advantages than men#whatever could you guys complain for excepting like 1% the rest of y'all r living the best life#my guy#WE BELONG TO A CLEARLY PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY#where men are viewed on a much higher pedestal than women are#where we are scared to even go out alone at night#where our parents are scared to leave us alone at night because they dont know what might happen#you think women in this part of the country are safe and living the best life free of any harm#god it just goes to show how fucking delusional you are and how you live in a bubble#you think being a man is the hardest thing in the planet and that we women are lucky#YOU MY GUY don't know all the things you have that we are deprived of#look this in no way is me hating on men#im just saying that you dont have tp say shit like being a woman is the easiest shit in the world#cuz it isn't it never was#like it really baffles me how one guy can be so idk indifferent to the difficulties women have to face#and I'm not saying men dont have any#sure they do but YOU think that its only the men who go through difficulties#while we live the best life#educate yourself a bit on social matters#you're almost in uni#god i just hate it when ppl do this#anyways sorry for the rant guys#i just needed to vent
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Sometimes I think, would it be better if Spamton died with someone he knew around. Or would he prefer to do it alone
I think Spamton dreads dying alone. If that was the case then I think he would’ve given up a long time ago. A lot of his dialogue alludes to having thoughts about wanting to end himself and projecting a lot of his self loathing on to others but I don’t think it is necessarily a desire to be dead or die alone (whether he thinks he deserves it or not) but rather more of wanting whatever torment he’s been going through to end. I mean he gets really excited at the idea of joining the fun gang, he was looking for a new beginning not a proper ending.
If Spamton could choose who he had to die around I feel like he wouldn’t want people he knew personally. There would be so much he didn’t get to say, so much the others wouldn’t have time to tell him. The Addisons and him could never have a proper reconciliation, him and Swatch could never clear up whatever went down and he can’t get any closure, never knowing if Mike was safe. Imagine trying to ease into the light when the shadows of your past are blocking it. If anything, I feel like it would create unnecessary stress for him as he would want so bad to feel like he was around people that made him feel safe in his final moments but that just isn’t true. Not to mention the others having to deal with the fact the last time they saw him it was when they abandoned him and the next being him dying of almost direct correlation to it.
However, with people Spamton doesn’t really know I feel like it’d be easier, almost peaceful for him in a way. They wouldn’t have any preconceived ideas or feelings, nothing to get off their chest to ring in his head as he goes out. It would be shallow comfort but he would find that favorable to the intimacy of someone closer that would be intertwined with turmoil. It’s the act of care from a stranger, someone oblivious to his crimes that would bring him ease in my mind, the idea that someone could and did care about him again even if they had no idea who he was in the moment. It was something he craved for years, part of a lot of his motivations and I feel like he’d be more at peace dying around someone who pities him than someone that has guilty or unfinished business with him.
TLDR; I feel like Spamton needs to not be alone physically in death but emotionally I think he would like to keep things distance. In his last moments he’d understand that he is not going to get that closure he needs and would rather face dead with dignity rather than panic at what is left unresolved.
#in my mind Spam doesn’t want to die. it it’s the case it seems the easiest way#I mean when he’s beat in the normal route it’s not disbelief or a tantrum as he hangs strung up#it’s somber acceptance and a sort of hope he can finally find peace serving a lightener#peace if not having to fight for himself and a hope for Kris to do better than him#what would he have said to the Addisons who had left him and he had pushed away#an apology without an explanation would’ve meant nothing them taking his glasses just a reminder that’s he’s gone again#and an insult that he just ended back up as an accessory to their group#swatch would pity him and hold remorse but was also linked with him being on the street what do you say in that situation#how do explain that your duty came above your personal relationship when it was part of what led to this moment#how do you tell a dying man you didn’t know what the knife would be used for as he lays bleeding out from the stab wound#if I brought Jevil into this I feel like that would somehow work as Jevil would mock him but again wish him luck as he passes into whatever#he believes heaven to be#something about spam and death has to be impersonal to me he is so aimed towards life and living#that death needs to be distant in every aspect for him to accept it#spamton#deltarune#utdr#ask#anon#undertale#spamton g spamton#death mention#suicide mention#this one was a little more serious#deltarune headcanon#deltarune analysis
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how come when a cis guy dresses fem ppl will still recognize him as a guy but when i, a trans guy, dress fem, ppl go "ah so youre NOT trans" or think it means i am "actually" a girl.
no. i am just a femboy. that is all.
#bobbi babbling#actually i get a huge rush of gender euphoria when i dress fem and people still address me as a dude#also i do think the term “crossdress” is kinda dumb because clothes dont have genders for one#and like other things and whatever that im not gonna get into bc i wanna stay on topic#but its also the easiest way to explain to someone who doesnt know a lot about gender and presentation#i can just go “oh no im a guy. i just like to crossdress.”#and thats all the explanation needed#its refreshing idk#its funny though bc when i present masc#i tend to be neutral or positive on feminine pronouns and titles#but when i dress fem its like “no. i am a Man”#“i am a man in a dress. fuck you”#i have a cishet friend who i appreciate deeply#and once#she said something like “do trans people just love making cis people uncomfortable T_T”#(btw there was context for this. it was not in a transphobic way)#and i was like “haha. yes”#and i will continue to do so#trans#lgbtq#queer
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seeing a lot of videos that are like “I didn’t know babies couldn’t have water” so here’s an incomplete list of things you need to know before having a baby
- the obvious, they can’t have water bc milk is incredibly high in water already so excess water leads to over hydration
- babies cannot have honey until 1
- if ur breastfeeding your kid and saving excess milk, make sure you label what you pumped in the morning vs at night bc your body produces different melatonin levels throughout the day and giving your baby daytime milk at night can make them more alert and fuck up their sleep schedule
- idk why ppl keep saying this but swaddling your babies or getting them those baby straight jacket things is not abuse. It chills them out cuz it reminds them of the womb
- babies have a dandruff like buildup on their head called cradle cap, and it’s very easy to deal with and remove with just some baby shampoo, a gentle scrub brush (MADE FOR BABIES!!) and a comb. It does need to be removed tho cuz it can be very painful after a while. This can also continue to happen late into toddlerhood it’s normal
- you have to clean out the creases of your baby’s skin and hands and feet they WILL collect dust😭😭
- you cannot bathe your baby until their umbilical cord naturally falls off. Use a warm damp rag until then
- tummy time is actually very important
- your baby might have a misshapen head at first (not all the time but sometimes) this will either sort itself out or they’ll need a corrective helmet ask your doctor
- I wouldn’t recommend having your baby leave the house very much until they’re at least 6 months old, especially if they’re born near cold and flu season cuz the common cold can kill a newborn
- you’re not an awful horrible person for having postpartum depression and it’s always a million times better to let your baby cry a few minutes longer than normal while you regain your composure than to freak out and give ur kid shaken baby syndrome
- you’re not an awful horrible person for giving your baby formula milk either
- don’t put shoes on your baby it’ll compromise their toe box and balance
- babies put every single thing in their mouths
- the easiest way to burp a baby is to hold them straight up (spine straight) and hold their head a bit higher
- always support their head they barely have necks
- if your baby fights away food, fights tummy time, vomits every single time you burp them, is gaining or losing an unreasonable amount of weight at a time, wheezes after eating, or goes red after eating, chances are they’re probably allergic to the type of milk they’re eating (again ask a doctor but these are just some signs it’s not just colic)
- they will wobble a lot when learning to do things but you gotta fight the urge to help them every single time cuz they gotta learn
- they’re not always spitting out baby food cuz they don’t like it they just don’t know how to eat. Like they don’t know how to push food down they only know how to stick their tongue out so be patient
- babies craniums are broken up into three parts at first that later fuse together, this is to help make birthing easier but it results in a small EXTREMELY sensitive spot in the top of their head that has no protection. This puts their brain at a high risk. Always protect their soft spot
- read to your baby!! Get cute bright colorful sensory books with sight words and read them to your baby it makes such a huge difference in their educational growth and will help them acquire a love for reading early on. And talk to them never shut up just say whatever comes to mind all the time this will strengthen their vocabulary growth also.
- babies poop like a lot. A lot. an unreasonable amount. Bring back up clothes and more diapers than you think
- no pillows or stuffies in the crib and only use a muslin blanket unless it’s especially cold to prevent suffocation
- babies kick reflexively until they’re out of their newborn scrunch (they stay womb shaped for a while) and if your baby is crying and pushing at the swaddle try letting them flail around for a minute
- consoling your baby is not spoiling them ! They need comfort and they will learn to self soothe on their own
- singing lullabies actually works, they can recognize your voice a consistent place of comfort from the womb and the cadence of lullabies is literally engineered to create a calm headspace
- for the love of god do not get boring ass beige toys. Colors are important for their neurological development
- babies are very responsive to praise from a young age so be as supportive of them as you can
- babies get constipated a lot and you have to do like tummy massages to help ease their pain the easiest way is to lay them on their backs and hold one foot in each hand, kick their feet like bicycles, scrunch up, and then stretch their legs out
- holding them on your hip too much will not cause bow legged-ness if your baby is bow legged that was always gonna happen
- they drool so so much and you have to get bibs for them so they don’t get chest eczema
- don’t use scented products on their skin cuz their skin is sooo much thinner than ours
- when your baby first starts sitting on their own never walk away from them without setting up a nest of pillows and blankets around them. Even minor head trauma can mess them up sometimes
- this one is kinda morbid and scary but sometimes babies just die out of nowhere and it’s no one’s fault or anything it’s called sudden infantile death syndrome(SIDS) and it’s about 1.3k deaths on average per year in America so not super common but still very real. 90% of these deaths happen during the first four months however edit: apparently it’s bc of an enzyme deficiency which at the very least you can take steps to try and prevent
- smoking and drinking during pregnancy WILL affect your baby and your breast milk and also might contribute to SIDS cases
- babies sometimes have a big red mark on them somewhere called a stork bite immediately after birth but typically it goes away
- babies can’t see very well for a while after birth and they’re VERY wobbly so they’ll typically bonk their head into your chest and face a lot while trying to support themselves
- female babies might have smth similar to a period the first few days after birth, this is because of the hormone transfer that happens during the birthing process and the days leading up to it
- male babies get random erections for the first few days after birth(hormone transfer again) literally do not be weird about this it’s a baby
- things like weaning your baby onto solid foods, potty training, weaning off pacifiers etc, can actually be directed by the baby and will happen naturally will minimal guidance from the parent(some guidance is still necessary) although I would do individual research into baby led weaning for food to prevent choking
- get those chewy feeding pouches to help with weaning
- the most random things will scare the hell out of your baby don’t take it personal 😭
- baby carriers are life savers (tulas are one of my favorites)
- once babies hit toddlerhood they’re tougher than you think, and a lot of their reaction is based on YOURS. they’re always going to be looking to you for how to react to a situation. Remain calm and if they’re ok they’ll calm down but if they’re genuinely hurt they’ll keep crying
- babies will most likely get ridiculously attached to an inanimate object and you have to keep this thing intact at all costs until they’re old enough to abandon it or they will throw a FIT. I got a lemur plushie from a zoo once and every single one of the kids has bonded their soul with it until about 6 years old and once a month I have to stitch him back up
- don’t compare yourself to other parents. Maybe your kid isnt getting grass fed wild caught north Atlantic cheerios but at least they’re fed. If your kid is alive and healthy and happy you’re doing a good job
- you will need 3 car seats, an infant seat, a grow with me toddler seat, and a booster seat
- getting a good diaper bag is a MUST
- the hair a baby is born with will most likely all fall out or they’ll get a bald spot on the back of their head where they sleep cuz their hair is so fragile and thin but once it grows back it grows back thick
- get like 20 muslin blankets so you always have a backup when the main ones are covered in spit up
- the babies grip IS stronger than yours (keep your hair up and keep pets away best you can)
- your best bet for your teething baby is a pacifier you can put your finger in so you can massage their gums and some chewing toys numbing cream can be dangerous and should be used sparingly
- go ahead and come to terms with the fact you’re gonna have to use a Frida Baby to manually remove snot
- babies can get hair and thread wrapped around their toes and fingers that can cut off their circulation try to make a habit of checking
- don’t hit your kid please it’s nothing but trauma and fucked up coping mechanisms from there pls empathize with your child they’re a person too
- be careful not to pull too hard on their arms and legs(like during play or holding their hand while they walk) and NEVER pick them up by their hands this will very easily cause dislocation
- they might have a little tooth like callous on their lip from their pacifier. This does not hurt them and it will go away but it may hurt during breastfeeding
- breastfeeding will make your boobs different sizes
Yeag that’s all I can think of rn but yk i Will add as I remember stuff ppl are also adding things I forgot in the tags in case you’d like to look thru that as well <3
#🍱#baby care#parenting#first time parents#newborn care#parenting tips#can’t think of any other exposure tags#‼️‼️‼️
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ׂ╰┈➤ 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐋𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐩𝐥𝐮𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞.
Logan howlett x fem!reader
CW: smut | unprotected sex | fluff | praising | Soft logan | dominant logan | oral (male and female receiving) | light spanking | light choking | spitting |
Word Count: 2.6k
Authors note: Hi, please be kind and show support. I got a little carried away with the smut part. Oops. Not proofread again. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. My requests are open.
Divider by @saradika-graphics
My work will always be 18+ Minors do not interact.
Logan and casual dominance just came natural. You had to get used to it at first. You never really had someone take care of you the way he did. It was always the little things that showed you that he really did love you.
Pours your coffee for you while you hold out your mug.
Enjoys cooking and even feeding it to you. Especially breakfast because he knows you're very tired to do anything at all early in the morning.
Cooking together, and it's really him giving you the easiest tasks. "Wash the vegetables for me, will ya?"
"Be a good girl for me and hand me the butcher knife."
"Let me do that for ya" is what you'll hear a thousand times a day
When you're out in public, logan loves putting his hand on the small of your back and guides you around.
While you're getting ready for a date night together, logan absolutely loves getting kneeling to help put your heels on and then brushing his fingers up your leg to tease you. Maybe he'll give the inside of your thigh a little kiss, too. You constantly tell him you can do that yourself, but if it was up to him, you'd never have to lift a finger to do anything.
If you're at a restaurant, he'll order for you because he knows sometimes you get a little flustered and nervous. "It's okay. I'll tell'em what ya want, don't worry." He'll reassure with a smirk as he winks at you.
He likes to keep an extra cardigan of yours in his truck just in case it gets cold later on if you're still out together. He'll wrap you up in it and hug you to his body for extra warmth even if you tell him you're fine.
Hand on your thigh while he's driving at all times.
Logan always opens doors for you. When you're getting out of the car, he's running over to help you out. He'll even put his hand between your legs to prevent you from accidentally flashing anyone your underwear if you decided to wear a dress that day. Once you're out, he'll look you over and help fix your clothes and the bottom of your dress down just in case anything you didn't want showing was.
"That a new dress? Looks pretty on you."
He loves holding you close to him by your waist. He's always touching you and looking behind him to make sure you're right there.
If you're trying to reach something from the kitchen cabinet, he'll come up behind you and get it. His body pressed to your back. He loves the way you look up at him while you wait for him to hand you whatever it was you were struggling to get down.
Logan will give the top of your head a little kiss and pat your ass softly. "Here you go, baby, next time, jus' call for me."
You always got butterflies in your stomach when he did that.
"Come sit in my lap." he'll gently command you after he planned a movie for you and him to watch.
He'll rub soft circles on your hip. Your head resting on his shoulder as you both relax in eachothers embrace. Everything felt serene and calm. That was a feeling logan was never used to, but he never stopped chasing after it.
When you're not sitting in his lap and instead lounging on the couch with him as you're reading a book. Logan will have one of your ankles in his hand and softly stroke your skin absentmindedly.
Backs you up against a wall just to kiss your cheek.
Washing your hair in the shower and wants to rub your lotion on after he gets you dried off. It's not even in sexual but it always feels so intimate.
Loves to help you get dressed for bed. He'll grab on one of his t-shirts and a makeup wipe to get you ready for sleep. He'll pull back the blanket and tuck you in right next to him, with you being the little spoon.
Will lay naked with you in bed and kiss you from head to toe. Once again, it is always sexual but more tender and intimate. Sometimes, it doesn't even lead to sex. He'll hold you until you fall asleep on his chest.
Whispers how much he loves you while you're sleeping.
Logan isn't controlling even though sometimes you may feel like he is. You only felt that way if he on the rare occasion tells you no.
The only times he ever tells you no if is you want to go out alone somewhere at night. He'll drive you there and wait outside while you go have some fun with your friends. He's definitely not letting you go out alone, and he has no way of protecting you in case something were to happen. Logan has lost way too many people in his life. He's got lots of enemies. Any one of them could pop up at any moment.
— NSFW —
When he's fucking you it's a little more intense.
He loves having you ride him even though he knows you struggle to take him that way.
"You need some help, huh? My sweet girl can't do it by herself? " His large hands hold your waist to help bounce you on his cock.
"Grab onto the headboard, and I'll do the rest."
"So good, my good girl." He breathed as you whimpered. He'll thrust his hips up to meet yours. His swollen tip almost hitting at your cervix.
You felt one of his hands leaving your waist to travel up between the valley of your breasts before wrapping around your throat. Logan never squeezed down enough too roughly.
You never understood how he could be so rough and gentle with you at the same time. He's choking you but whispering in your ear, calling you his "good girl." And how perfect you are." He's peppering kisses all along your face. Spitting in your mouth while driving his cock hard and deep in your pussy.
Or when he's got you on your knees sucking him off.
"Slowly," his voice would get serious, but his hand would come down to caress your check.
Logan will always give you that lovingly look before pushing your head down all the way your nose was buried in the soft curls above his cock. Your eyes are watery with tears as you gag when he hits the back of your throat. Your makeup is all smeared, and all logan thinks as he's looking down at you, and you're looking up at him is how lucky he is to have you.
"Your throat feels so amazing. You always look so beautiful like this. Mouth full with your pretty eyes lookin' up at me."
After he cums he'll gentle pull his cock from your mouth. He bends down to give your lips a sweet kiss before squeezing your cheeks to open your mouth back up. He wants to see if you swallowed every drop he gave you. He knew you did. You always swallowed every bit of cum he released your on tongue.
Logan is obsessed with having you on all fours at the edge of the bed. Your ass up high, and your face smashed into a pillow. His face buried in your cunt from behind. His nose tickling and prodding at your entrance while his tongue flicks over your clit. His soft lips wrapped around to gently suckle on your aching bud. His hands on both of your hips, keeping you firmly in place. Every once in a while, he'll spank you to keep you focused. Not too hard. But hard enough to make you yelp.
"Aw, does this position embarrass you?" He cooed at you.
You'll nod because it does.
"Tch tch, that's just too bad."
You always felt so exposed like that, but you knew it was logans favorite position to have you in. He could do literally whatever he wanted. You tried to hide your face from him, and he'd spank you even harder for that. He wants to peak over and see your face twisting in pleasure. He wants to see your mouth open and drool all over your chin.
"Does my tongue feel good?" He mumbled against your cunt. His tongue now circling the edge of your opening.
"Good because I'm gonna fuck ya with it before I give you my dick" He growled from behind.
As he continued to tease at your entrance, he'll spit on it and use the pads of his fingers to rub it all over your dripping pussy — showing a little more attention to your clit. While he tongue slowly pushes inside you. He knows he's got you right where he wants you when he hears that little gasp you make followed by a moan. And how you seem to back up against him for more.
Your eyes close, and you grip at the bedding. All that embarrassment you were feeling was slowly fading away as logan sunk his tongue deep inside your pussy. His warm tongue moved and lapped up the mess you were creating on his mouth. He hears you whine and can feel your walls contracting around his wet muscle. He knew you were holding back your release until he said it was okay to let go. You were so perfect, too good to be true. He couldn't deny you.
"be a good girl and cum for me. I want you to."
After you cum hard to the point you're body is trembling. He'll come up and lean over your back, soothing his hand down your spine. " "shh shh, It's okay. I got ya. You did so well for me."
He won't stop talking you through your orgasm until he knows you're alright.
"Breath for me." Logan nuzzled the side of your face.
"There she is, there's my girl." He running his hand up and down your back, trying his best to relax you.
His voice was low and husky in your ear. He helped bring you back down to earth; sensing you were getting a little lost there for a second.
Once you're completely calmed down, he'll gently move you to lay on your back. Your legs dangling over the edge of the bed with him standing between them. His cock fisted in his hand as he slaps his leaking tip on your over stimulated clit. He loves to rub his precum all over that aching bundle of nerves he had been bullying all night. Your pussy glistening from your orgasm mixed with his spit. The messier he made you, the harder it seemed he got.
Logan loves watching your body twitch and hear those soft moans escape your lips. He takes forever to bury himself in you. He wants to see you lose control until you're a blabbering mess of empty promises. Promises you'll blurt out just to feel the head of his cock brush against your opening. Your juices dripping down to the curve of your ass and he licks his lips, wanting another taste. Logan would get you so worked up to the point that it was as if you believed he wasn't going to give you what you wanted.
"You gotta calm down." He coaxed you.
"You're making promises you can't keep right now, honey. I need you to relax. You really think I'm doing all of this to not fuck you?
He reassured you and ran his cock between your wet folds, spreading them apart. his tip nudging at your clit once more, making you bit down on your lip. Your hands stopped tugging at the bedding to reach out for him. You hissed at the sensation as your eyes filled with more tears.
"Move your legs up and hold the back of your thighs for me. Can ya do that?" Logan now commanded you.
All you could do was rapidly nod and do as you're told with your hands firmly gripping the back of your thighs — to keep your legs spread and pussy on display for him.
"Logan, I need you." You tried desperately to plead with him. You both had beads of sweat dripping down your body. Your head felt dizzy, and your chest was rising and falling faster.
Logan arched a brow at you. His way of asking if it was okay to finally split you open around himself.
"I-im okay." You stammered as you looked up at him. "I promise....m'ready."
His gaze softened as he slowly pushed his thick cock inside you. Both of you sigh in relief. Your walls hugged him so tight while he continued to push until he was completely buried all the way in you. He stilled for a few seconds to help you adjust.
"Fuck you're wet." He noted with his cock gliding in your pussy with ease.
Once he was fully inside and you were well adjusted, he didn't hold back. He began pumping in and out of you hard and fast. Your tits bounced as he picked up the pace. Your body was making the most vulgar wet sounds that seemed to only spur him on. Your moans grew needier and louder. You struggled to keep hold of your legs. Logan took notice of that and placed his hands on top of yours to help you.
"There we go, that better?" He bent forward a little more to whisper.
"Gettin close Lo," you whined, biting down hard on your lip.
"I know I can feel it." Logan loved when you warned him about your orgasm as if he couldn't feel your walls squeezing his cock tighter the closer you got.
Every thrust he gave, he hit your g-spot, making you lose your train of thought. A few more strokes, and you're cuming again more intensly than the last time. You're mewling and calling out his name. Your back arching off the bed but logan doesn't slow down. If anything, he seems to be going faster. Until he's spilling his cum all over your sensitive walls, as he milks himself inside you.
"You alright? Let me clean you up. Come on." He finally spoke up, out of breath as you laid there completely fucked out. But you managed to weakly nod your head yes.
"Can you walk?" He asked, you felt him gently pulling out and his eyes glanced from your face to where his cum was now dripping from your pussy.
You tried not to get embarrassed as his gaze seemed to focus on the mess he created between your legs.
Logan fought the urge to lick it clean from you. Or shove his fingers in your cunt to prevent anymore of his cum from spilling out.
When you didn't answer him again, he gave you that knowing look and arched his brow. Normally, he'd tell you to use your words, but he knew sometimes it was too hard for you to do.
You quickly shook your head. Obviously, you can't walk. You can't even feel your legs. He lets out a breathy laugh. "You'll do anything to get me to carry, huh?"
You gave him a small smile and tried to sit up.
He pretends like he's seriously complaining, but truth be told, all he wants to do is carry you. All day, every day, if you'd let him. He picks you up bridal style, carrying you into the bathroom where he sets you down at the end of the tub.
"We're gonna get cleaned up. I'll make you some food and then we can watch TV." He doesn't ask for anything in return, just that you be near him.
#logan howlett x you#logan howlett smut#logan x reader#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#logan x you#logan howlet smut#logan howlett x f!reader#logan howlett x fem!reader#logan howlet x reader#wolverine fanfiction#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine#wolverine smut#logan wolverine#wolverine fluff#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#worst wolverine#wolverine x female reader#wolverine x f!reader
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A heartfelt and grievously expanded-upon update to this—please, please read the whole thing if you can. reblogs much appreciated.
(DISCLAIMER, for all who are saying reasons like abusive parents/legal stuff/toxic ex/triggering memories/page got deleted/job/stalkers/bullying/[[insert any other shitty life thing]], This is not concerning that—personal safety & health ALWAYS comes first, and is worth more than any media ever could be. This is my biggest reason for defending that autonomy. I would be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t deleted triggering posts of mine or ones that got me in trouble with my family.)
it genuinely makes me sad and kinda upset when someone purges all their old art off the internet like. barring harmful content what if someone liked that. What if someone would have. And now nobody will ever know and it's just gone. even people's old invader zim askblogs or whatever getting deleted feels like a micro alexandria to me and that's just something I made up. I wasn't even thinking of a specific one it just stresses me out. Is this the autism I don't get why nobody else seems to freak internally abt it like I do. I see artists whose blogs I've never even looked at go like "man so glad I deleted all my old stuff it's so clean" or saying they throw out art from when they were kids I'm like. how are you not hurling. How is that not distressing that is literally your tree rings why would you do that. I want to see what's out there. people want to see it I promise someone out there likes it
...don't they??? Does everyone get quietly irrationally upset by this as me, or is this just hyperfixation/autism/some amalgam of the two. I'm not a hoarder or obsessive compulsive or anything like that so i wonder..
Anyways. reblog if you had a favorite amateur youtube animator in your childhood whose channel got nuked without a trace one day that you still think about.
I wanted to attach this video because it condenses my point very well. A TLDR of sorts. Please watch the whole thing, it genuinely changed the entire way I think about art as a concept.
(2nd vid is "Subjectivity in Art")
“The moment your art touches an audience, the ownership shifts in an irreversible way. [They're] not having an art experience with you and your intentions. They're having an art experience with the art object.
“You can't just burn your past; it's not even your past to burn anymore. It's other people's history as well. Whether or not you like it, that art is already bonded to somebody's soul, and if you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it.”
The digital age makes it very easy to distance or detach yourself from the impact your work has—be it art, fanfic, videos, even memes. Online content is as important to people now as any other media, if not more. But it's also by far the easiest, fastest, and most effective form of it to erase from public access. Media so unbelievably important to people and in general. Yes, you—with the 2010s purple sparkle dog speedpaint. I still think about that speedpaint all the time, because it was the first time i learned that you could draw on a computer, and I thought it was cool as hell. I still do.
I do wish there was a stronger culture of preservation and consideration for this, because every time I see people talk about snuffing their stuff because it doesn't personally resonate with them anymore, I just think ...what about all the people it did?
I've seen lots of people saying "get over it, it doesn't even matter," but it fucking does. It does matter. Even if I didn’t make it, even if I don’t have to deal with being the one who made it, even if I'm naturally inclined to be distressed by it—It still matters. And there’s nothing you could ever say to suddenly make it not matter, because there’s nothing you could ever say to make it not matter to me.
Don't devalue the act of creation. Don't dismiss something you made. It's out there, in people's thoughts and hearts and souls, and that is real. Even if you don't know it. Especially if you don't know it. Especially in a world where physical media is being snuffed out, the internet is constantly dying without any physical remains to recover, social isolation is rampant, and simply because independently produced content online is still media.
Fanfiction can hold equal or greater significance to someone as a book, but you can’t unpublish a book. Authors don’t have a button that can vaporize every copy of their work across all time, but fanfiction authors do. I’m not counting people who download fics either—when you buy a book, that transaction is over. But online, you have the power of unending transaction that can be terminated instantly at your will. The process of publishing fanfic vs. publishing a book may be different, but people’s connection to the art is the same intensity.
So yeah. I do get depressed about the Internet being a constant Alexandria, but the times I get the most depressed is when I click someone's page and see that all their work is gone because they're ‘curating a new aesthetic’ for their page or some shit. Or weeding out all the "ugly" art. Or just went on whatever the hell 'thrill deleting' is, because they just get a kick out of it.
Fuck it—yeah! It upsets me! I’m not wrong to say that. I’m saying it!
Under the cut, because it got long as shit! Also don’t worry the ending is way sappier and more ‘beauty of human nature’ vibe so it’s not all doom and gloom lol
What if that was someone's favorite art of that character. What if someone read that 'cringe oneshot' on the worst day of their life. What if that Warriors meme vid is still burned into a college student’s mind despite being gone for 10 years. What if it's actually not just you and the ones and zeros you rent out to the world—secure in knowing the original will always be on your computer for you to do whatever you want with it.
I really, deeply wish there was more of a general awareness of this, because even though social media can be used like a diary, that’s functionally the opposite of what it is. It’s social media. When you post, it’s no longer in a vacuum, even though you can’t see the real humans that content touches—often deeply.
Media is history. You shouldn’t burn that history just because you personally believe it isn’t worth saving.
Because it’s no longer just your personal opinion. It’s no longer just your personal work. it’s. history. Memory of media is not a suitable replacement for the media itself. If it was, we wouldn’t save anything at all. Nostalgia is an agent of that. The definition of nostalgia is grief for moments of the past that are inaccessible, and the biggest balm for that pain is accessing a physical reminder of those moments. That opinion of yours is no longer personal. It’s weighed against uncountable people across all time that your thing is ALSO personal to. People who would, and will mourn its absence.
How many times have you joined an older fandom only to discover that some of its most popular works are gone? How many times have you routed through random blogs looking for scraps people hopefully reblogged? how many times have you used Wayback machine desperately praying that a fan fiction or a YouTube video will be there? How many times do you look up crunchy old vines or YouTube videos or anime AMV‘s? How many times do you remember old fanfic.net sex that impacted you in middle school, only to shake your head and go ‘probably no point even looking.’
i mourn the absence. No, people can’t and shouldn’t have their agency over what they post revoked, but they should be conscious of that weight. If you’re reading this and getting extremely annoyed, and you’re not in the pink text above,,,, good.
I honestly do hope it gets under your skin. I hope it sits with you. I hope you feel it every time you hit that button, and whether or not you do hit that button—if you hesitate, if you remember this, even spitefully, I’ve done my job. I am howling into the void. And I may not want an answer, but I do want my anguish to be heard and remembered. Because it isn’t me just being melodramatic.
I know I sound that way writing so much, but if my favorite writing YouTuber can drop trow this week and go, "yeah, sorry, all my video essays from less than a year ago that you listen to in the car all the time? I'm "rebranding" my content so i deleted them. besides, my personal views don't really agree align with the analyses i did, or the techniques i taught in them anyway. Sorry if some of the literal tens of thousands of you used them, but I don't want to feel shackled to having youtuber "classics" tied to me”
….then i guess I'm just going to have to sound dramatic! That fucking sucks! Hours of work and knowledge gone! This was a new channel too. It’s very likely there’s no archive of any kind, because who would think someone who worked hard enough to write, record, and edit hour-long videos, would just turn around and nuke it all? I definitely didn’t see it coming, but I did just start a new screenwriting class a few weeks ago, so I’ll tell you at least one person is REALLY missing those fucking videos right now. Because a lot of them were about specifically screenwriting, which I know jack shit about. and that specific person’s pace, editing, and style of breaking down information was the best suited style I found that I could focus on and absorb. There’s no replacement for that. No alternative for his individual perspective. his jokes. his opinions.
No, they may not resonate with him now, but in this decision, he’s put up a big middle finger to everyone who might have. And he has like 100k subscribers! Those are confirmed supporters! Imagine how many silent and untethered observers are feeling this loss right now. Imagine how many will not have it in the future.
If he never posted them at all, we wouldn’t know we had it. It wouldn’t be a loss. But we did. We did have it. Until he decided that no, we didn’t, because he just happens to be the one out of millions of individuals holding the button to burn it in a hundredth of a second.
His personal work, the attachment I had to it, and the ways that it helped me are now just ripped away. I am one person out of millions, literal MILLIONS of people who saw and liked this content before it vanished. The soul has been ripped, the access severed, and by CJ’s (and my) definition, the art is functionally dead. Not for the YouTuber or anyone else lucky enough to save a link or download, but everyone else. From this point until the end of time, even if people even two weeks from now don’t know it. Even if someone who stumbles upon his channel today, doesn’t know it.
We only mourn the concept of Alexandria because we had some kind of scope for what was inside. Yes, maybe you got self-conscious and deleted your 12 year old deviant art account. Do you know who else is doing that?? THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other twenty somethings who ALSO feel self-conscious about their old socials. Art. Fanfic. One direction fan videos. anything.
Suddenly, an unquantifiable amount of information from your age group—an entire age group in 2012, is. gone. And we will NEVER know what’s been erased from that history. We will NEVER know what could have been significant to us ten years from now. Twenty years from now. A hundred years. A thousand.
You could have deleted a fanfic that would have been someone else’s new go-to panic attack distraction tomorrow. You could have deleted a video someone used to laugh at with their friend who died yesterday. When you delete something, you risk tearing a hole in unknowable personal histories.
The Internet isn’t just a big library of Alexandria. It’s a library containing libraries. And those libraries have their own libraries in those libraries have their own as well. libraries inside libraries, inside libraries, ad infinitum. To conceive the amount of destroyed history on the Internet is crushing.
And I just can’t help but I ask myself how in gods name people can choose to contribute to that, instead of reposting everything to trash heap alts titled “hall of shame” or some shit.
You can offload to alts. Put up disclaimers. Make password locked blogs, or dropboxes, or anonymous imgur dumps. Anonymous reuploads. Orphan fics. Make a playlist or linktree of unlisted videos. Cut off the watermarks. Delete all references to it on your main. Make a dedicated unlisted playlist. make a google drive. Make new portfolio sites. Delete any questions you get about it. Change pen names. Pretend it never existed.
Give a heads up.
Something.
But don’t. kill. the media.
The knowledge that our stuff is going to forever be tied to us is a cross we have to bear, but the responsibility that comes with putting it out there in the first place, can’t be ignored.
Anyway. I'm not trying to start conflict. This is not a bash on anyone, nor a call for witch hunts. Or anon hate, or blocks and unfollows or anything of that nature. I'm not wishing ramifications or hate of any kind on anyone who does wants to do any of this.
I'm also not guilt tripping— I am not saying that you should feel bad. I AM saying why it makes me feel bad. That’s not guilting, it’s a dialogue. One I personally feel is long overdue.
It's me yelling into the void: please consider the real people on the other side of the screen before you hit that button. Realize and know that whatever you're about to erase from history could be the most important thing in the world to someone.
Art is an experience. It's why we revisit it. If art and history simply lived in the matter and code of media, we would only need to look at it once. We wouldn’t put things in museums. We wouldn’t build libraries. We wouldn’t look up vine compilations.
If you're able, consider (and I do mean consider, this is not a call to action) not destroying that. And don’t shrug it off as some pretentious asshole venting on Tumblr. You only need to look in the notes and tags to see that it isn’t just me. it’s never just me, or you, or the pixels.
And even if you do shrug it off, then at least recognize that what you make matters. Whatever you think about it, if it’s out there, that's not your discretion anymore. If a tree falls in the woods and even one person is around to see it, it fucking mattered. Because it happened. Don’t mulch your tree rings if you don’t have to. Because if enough people do it, a whole forest is gone. Media is history, no matter whether you think it’s worth putting in a museum, or only has 30 notes.
Thousands of years ago, a child named onfim doodled on his homework. They’re crude, and everyone has the wrong amount of fingers, and they’re also priceless archaeological artifacts recognizable throughout the world.
the only thing separating Onfim’s doodles and your MS paint Pokémon doodles is time. The only thing separating your old MS paint Pokémon doodles from being a priceless artifacts, thousands of years in the future is time. Your creations are already priceless artifacts. No matter what you do, don't ever, ever deny that. It isn’t blowing up your own ass, it’s artistic and anthropological fact.
The mundane and the supposedly unworthy are often the first things lost to time, and that’s why they’re so precious. That’s why artists who were before their time are scorned first only to be celebrated later. Do you think they knew that was going to happen?? What if they nuked it? Many probably did! But now that’s happening exponentially and instantaneously everywhere, WITHOUT the artist having to destroy their only copy—which makes it way easier and more dismissable.
Sometimes, If you’re revolutionary enough, people will make an effort to preserve your work, but recognized and thoroughly recorded work is rare compared to unrecognized and thoroughly recorded work.
Sometimes something is beloved enough that it would be impossible for it not to go down in history, but even then it isnt a guarantee, and it’s rare. But if van Gogh burned all of his paintings in a fit of despair before his death, we would have no van Gogh. Because he wasn’t respected as an artist in his time, but that wasn’t what defined the worth of his art. The people after him did, because his art was still there for them.
If you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it. If you belittle your art, you belittle the very real relationships and emotions and revisitations people have with the media. You defy the inherent worth and weight of a creation. you created. That's effort. It's passion. No matter how flippant or unskilled or worthless you think it is, it matters. Because at the end of the day, you could have chosen to make nothing at all, and you didn't.
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#artists on tumblr#Artistic#digital art#art history#anthropology#humanity#art discussion#art theory#skit yells
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