#you can be into what you're into -- vocally even -- but i can be just as vocal about finding it grody. love yourself. seek better.

[chronosdawn]

How the LaDS LIs would react if you already had a romantic partner in the reverse isekai AU, from best to worst:

TW: jealousy, possessive and manipulative behaviour (some of these veer into yandere territory) and just Caleb being Caleb.

Zayne is by no means happy to learn you're already dating someone but he's not especially surprised you met someone else while the two of you were still worlds away from each other. He's not the most expressive man, but if you pay close attention, you'll be able to catch the way his expression shutters when you tell him, some small spark winking out. As long as you're happy, he won't interfere in your relationship, and normally finds a reason to leave the room whenever you and your partner are together.

With a medical license from an association that doesn't exist in this reality, he can't exactly throw himself into work as he otherwise would and so he does the next best thing which is to borrow your laptop so he can lose himself in research papers. Every so often though, you'll catch him looking at you with a mixture of longing and sorrow in his eyes.

Sylus still takes things comparatively well compared to the other three on this list (who all take the news horribly but we'll get to that later) but he's a little obviously more displeased than Zayne when you tell him. He does, however, respect your ability to make your own choices, even if he very strongly wishes you'd reconsider now that you have other options. Like Zayne, he won't actively sabotage your relationship but that doesn't mean he backs off entirely. While he never forces anything from you, he makes it abundantly clear that should you grow tired of your current partner, he's right there.

Add into this the fact that Sylus is good-looking, self-assured and honestly pretty intimidating and there's every chance he'll scare off your partner without ever actually doing anything.

And now we get onto the problematic three. I honestly struggled a lot with which order to put them in but have settled on going from the least to most unhinged responses.

Rafayel is NOT happy with this development and is fairly vocal about it, at first. After the initial upset, he seems to quietly, albeit begrudgingly, accept it. This, my dear reader, is when you should start to worry. Rafayel is still colder than the arctic ocean towards your s/o whenever they're around but he doesn't seem to actively cause problems either so you suppose you should count your blessings.

What you are unaware of, however, is how he acts when you're not in the room. It's not hard to tell that your s/o is perhaps a little perturbed by the fact you suddenly have a very attractive man spending a lot of time around you, and Rafayel feeds into those insecurities like there's no tomorrow. He's subtle about it too, retaining just enough plausible deniability that when your partner starts to get progressively more paranoid, it's very difficult to pin anything on him even if you suspect he had something to do with it. In the end, it's highly likely that your relationship will end up imploding and guess who's right there to help you pick up the pieces? And besides, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who’s that insecure, Cutie?

Xavier is also very unhappy to learn you have an s/o who isn’t him, and while he isn’t quite as vocal about it as Rafayel, it doesn’t matter as the ominous way the lights in the room flicker when you tell him the news speaks for itself. He’s also much more obvious in his efforts to get the two of you to break up, which he does by effectively taking over and one-upping your partner when it comes to couples activities. Given that Xavier is skilled in pretty much everything except cooking, it hasn’t particularly hard for him to win at boyfriending, much to your s/o’s dismay.

Trying to sit Xavier down to have serious conversation with him about this is difficult too, as when you try, he hits you with those deep, sleepy blue eyes and asks if you’re saying all of this because you don’t like him, and you’re left scrambling how to answer in a way that still gets your point across. If he thinks he can successfully seduce you, he’ll try that too. Should you at any point give into this, whether because you’re in an open relationship and you’ve acquired your s/o’s permission beforehand or because Xavier’s previous antics have pushed you and your partner to go on a break, your other relationship is effectively over. While you’re lying passed out exhausted beside him, Xavier will text your now ex from your phone informing them of the break up and that you’ve already moved on so they shouldn’t contact you again. He then blocks their number, just to be safe.

And then we get to Caleb. Now I think we all knew he would be at the bottom of this list, but it's not because he tries to break you and your s/o up like Rafayel or because he starts acting like a replacement partner like Xavier, no it's because what he does instead is much stranger, especially from an outside perspective. I've talked a little before about how desperate Caleb is to be useful to you in this AU and as part of this ends up taking over most of your household chores but in the circumstance where you’re already dating someone else, this gets dialled up to one hundred, and he starts acting like an overprotective helicopter parent. I cannot emphasise enough how weird this gets—if you give him half an inch, he’ll start cutting up your food for you. It’s pretty difficult to stop him too, as any time you bring up the way he’s acting, he's able to spin the conversation so you’re left feeling like an unruly child who won’t eat their vegetables.

When your s/o drops by to pick you up for a date, Caleb’s there, stopping you in the doorway so he can put your shoes on for you, fussing over whether you’ll be warm enough in the jacket you’re wearing. Your s/o is just left watching this bizarre spectacle, until Caleb turns to them and asks what time he should expect you home, because as a responsible partner, they’ll make sure you don’t get back too late, right? And while the question seems innocent, there’s something about the look in Caleb’s eyes that makes your s/o fear a little for their life in the event they don’t bring you back at an appropriate hour. This is to say nothing of the utterly terrifying shovel talk they’ll get if Caleb ever catches them alone for more than five minutes.

Whether your relationship can survive this will depend on how long your partner can last under Caleb's scrutiny, but I will tell you now, it will only get worse.

[hughiecampbelle]

Thunderbolts Preference: Being Selectively Mute

A/N: I'm 24 and just now realizing being selectively mute has dictated most of my life. I feel kinda stupid for not realizing lol but I kinda thought it was normal? Or like a symptom of being shy? No one really noticed. I brought it up to my therapist after I read this book about a main character who is selectively mute and how familiar those thoughts/emotions/panic were and she was like "girl 🤨" so yeah lol just more proof ya gurl is dumb!! 🖤

THUNDERBOLTS REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Bucky would worry there's something physically wrong. He finds you with the rest of the misfits, tied up because you're evidence of Valentinas crimes. While the others are more than eager to get the last word in, you're silent, watching all of them with big eyes and something on your mind. Since none of them know who you are, he fears the worst. Did Valentina, or someone, cut out your tongue? The added attention increases your stress, making it even harder to form words. You know what you want to say. You want to defend yourself, explain about Bob, tell everyone to get off your back and leave you alone, but you can't. Bucky comes over to you while the others fight among themselves and ask if you're okay. All you can do is nod, defeated. Eventually, when it's just the two of you, you explain sometimes it's hard to talk. Bucky relaxes, fearing the worst, assuring you it's no big deal, that he just wants you to be okay.

Alexei can be insensitive. Unlike John , it's not out of malice or annoyance, he genuinely can't understand why you're not talking. He tries to get to know all of his daughters friends. Do you not speak English? He asks again in Russian, but you still don't answer. Can you not hear him? He turns towards you, flailing his arms, trying to get the point across, but Yelena orders him to watch the road before he kills you all. Not knowing what's wrong, the others try to move on. It's not that difficult: they fight like cats and dogs. You're grateful for the attention to be taken off you, but you watch Alexei watch you in the rear view mirror. When things have calmed down and you feel safer, less stressed, you explain to him in simple terms why you freeze up like that. He has a lot of questions, and you try to answer them the best you can. After that, he's pretty vocal about you being selectively mute. He defends you against Valentina when she gets annoyed or creeped out, yelling at her, sort of making the situation worse, but you know he means well.

Yelena thinks it's a little suspicious, but she knew a lot of girls who went mute because of the Red Room. She doesn't realize right away. Truthfully, she just thought you were quiet. But then, after John gets in your face, angry for not being responded to, she realizes there must be something more. In a moment just the two of you, she slides her phone over, a note written at the top "are you okay?". You write back that it freaked you out, John getting so close, being so angry, and she nods, calling him an asshole. That gets you to smile just a little, easing up, nodding in agreement. After everything that happens, she adopts you like she does with Bob. She never pushes you to speak, always offering her phone or a scrap piece of paper. Eventually you loosen up around her and begin to talk. She doesn't make a big deal out of it or invite everyone to hear. She's just grateful you have trust in someone enough to be able to speak.

Ava doesn't really think about it. She just assumes you're quiet, or that you don't like them, or both. You don't make a sound as you and the rest of the group shimmy up the vent. It's almost welcomed, the silence, since everyone else is so loud and moody. After John pulls you up a little too hard, making you wince, she asks if you're okay. You nod, more panic setting in, but she doesn't push. She doesn't make a big deal about it. Truthfully, the situation is too dire to worry about someone not making a fuss. Eventually, when the panic has lessened and it's just you and her, you thank her for checking in with you. Eventually you explain why you got mute sometimes and Ava completely understands. Unlike John, she'd never pick on you or think differently. She jokes that the quiet is welcome on a team like this. If anyone makes fun of you, a teammate or civilian or Valentina, she's the first to jump to your aid and defend you.

John finds your silence kind of creepy. He doesn't mean to be rude or insensitive. He doesn't mean to lose his cool or get in your face, he truly doesn't understand. The first time you meet in the furnace with the rest of Valentinas assassins, you find yourself mute. The others fight and bicker, but that familiar panic sets in and though your mind is screaming at you to just speak! Say anything! Defend yourself against this asshole! You can't. You point your weapon at him and will him to shut up before you kill him. He's not afraid though, stepping up and getting in your face. He says you're a freak, a weirdo, that whoever you are, you're way over your head. Once you're all out and in Alexei's limo, that's when you can find your voice again and tell him to fuck off. Eventually, he learns why you couldn't speak up and apologizes, though it's one of those John Walker apologies that don't feel genuine. It takes some getting used to for you not to respond sometimes, instead writing it down. He becomes a little protective over you when others act the way he did when you first met.

Bob, being so wrapped up in his own situation, doesn't really notice until you're in the Void together. You break through your memories into his. He's sitting on the floor, watching his parents fight. He tries to talk over them, assuring you it's okay, assuring himself, too. Because of your own memories and triggers, you've gone mute. He doesn't seem to notice, at least not making a big deal out of it, instead asking if you're okay. You shrug and he understands, inviting you to sit with him. When you're all safe, Bob asks again if you're okay and that's when you're able to find your voice again, speaking quietly, explaining sometimes it's hard to talk. He doesn't fully get it, but he doesn't have to. He says it's okay, that you've all got something to deal with. When you feel that way, you just write on your phone or a piece of paper. He can't understand why some people make such a big deal out of it. He wishes it didn't happen, but he'd never make fun of you for it.

[p-artsypants]

Astrid ran with a speed she didn't know she possessed. A monstrous nightmare was circling the area she'd left Hiccup, and she could see a crowd of vikings trying to subdue the dragon. It was a scene of chaos.

"Hiccup!" She screamed. She shoved someone out of the way. "Move it! He needs help!" But some of the men were just stood staring instead of fighting. "What are you people looking at!?"

As she squeezed her way through the crowd, she found a truly damning sight. Hiccup was a few feet away, laying completely exposed on the ground. More than a dozen vikings stood staring at him instead of the Nightmare that was still rampaging.

"Hiccup!" She yelled.

She was too far away. Just a little too far. The dragon swooped back in, knocking Snotlout's axe loose and sending it into the air. She winced as it went flying, hoping it didn't hurt anyone.

Instead, it landed right on Hiccup's tailfin with a sickening 'shunk'.

"HICCUP!"

The scream he released was heartbreaking. It echoed through the village, a proclamation that someone was hurt, and bad.

Snotlout was unhelpfully hovering by, gawking and sputtering excuses.

Hiccup's cry brought more onlookers, all wanting to help whoever was injured. Of course, it just allowed more people to see the truth.

Astrid closed the distance, sliding on her knees that last bit to get to him. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" She panicked. Even as the blood pulsed through her ears, she worked with purpose. She unraveled the wraps on her arms. "I shouldn't have left you! I should have gotten you to safety first! I'm sorry!"

Her gaze snapped to Snotlout. "Keep everyone back. I'm going to do what I can, and then we need to get him to Gothi."

Snotlout just kept blubbering that he was a fish.

"A merman, Snot! Yes, I know!" She snapped.

She turned back to Hiccup. "You're going to be okay. Shh, just breathe," she cooed. Though she knew it probably didn't help. He was breathing erratically as painful tears streaked down his face.

The axe would have to go. It was in the way, still embedded in the ground.

"Astrid? What...what in Midgard?" Axel spoke from her side.

She glanced at him, only to see his gaze was riveted on Hiccup's tail.

"Dad!" She cried. "He needs help! Please!"

Why was everyone just standing and staring? Couldn't they see how much pain he was in? Couldn't they see?

Axel was suddenly at her side, pulling the axe from the dirt with a grunt.

The tail was almost completely severed, except for a tiny bit at the end. She didn't know if that would allow it to be saved. Regardless, she carefully lined the mangled fin up with where it met the base of his tail and started to bind it with her arm wraps.

Axel held Hiccup down to the ground by his shoulders, trying to keep him from thrashing.

Meanwhile, the crowd behind Astrid became bigger and more vocal. Some were in awe, surprised that merfolk were even real, while others speculated this was an ill omen. Some of the fishermen lamented that they were doomed because they allowed a merfolk to be hurt on their land.

All a bunch of unhelpful noise.

Astrid tied off the tail and scooped Hiccup up into her arms. No one else would be allowed to touch him but her and Gothi. "Let's move!" She yelled at Snotlout and her father.

After a long training session, all Astrid wanted to do was cool off on the beach. Maybe a tiny swim, even though the ocean was so cold at this time of year. She pushed through the brush and staggered down to the shore.

Only to find a boy lounging in the shallows.

“Oh!” She dropped her axe in the sand. From his bare torso, she assumed he was naked. “Sorry! I didn’t know someone else would be…here…” as the apologies flowed, she realized from the waist down, he had green scales and a pair of fins.

No wonder she hadn’t recognized him.

“No way…” she inched closer. “A real mermaid! In the flesh! Are the stories true?” She stamped down her overwhelming curiosity for a moment to give him a stern point. “Don’t try anything fishy, mermaid. I’m very capable of protecting myself, got it?”

((I saw the prompt and went feral, hope you don’t mind))

[X]

Hiccup started, the water around him splashing as he sat up straight in surprise, before he moved a little further back, his cheeks flushed.

"No, sorry, I, I shouldn't--" Ducking his head, the merman awkwardly held up a hand, "Usually no one comes here..."

But his movements only caused his tail to briefly break the surface, emerald scales glittering in the sun for a moment before dipping below the water again.

Firmly, he responded, "Merman. I am a merman. And no, don't worry, I, I wasn't going to try anything...I know you'd probably kill me if I did..."

Clearing his throat, he ran a hand through his hair, which had partially dried in his time sitting in the shallow water. "What, what stories are you referring to?"

He knew, or at least had a gut feeling about what she was asking, but he wanted to hear it from her. She appeared wary, but not fearful. Maybe these humans didn't have the same fears of his kind like the others?

[beetlethebug]

i am thinking about lucanis asking rook to act out a scene from one of his romance novels. bonus points for fem!rooks or normally submissive rooks being asked to take the lead because i think it's extra tasty. lucanis who has gained enough courage to ask rook to read novels aloud to him because their voice is a comfort, and he finds that there is nothing better than laying his head in their lap, their hand idly scratching at his hair as they read to him.

but, perhaps in a way to get himself used to rook saying filthy things to him, the novels he picks start becoming smuttier in nature. and rook does not bat an eye--they read them just the same, fingers tracing idle paths along his temples, sliding down to rest heavy and warm at the base of his neck as they read passages that leave him flustered and aching. but he's good at locking those feelings inside--even as Spite revels in the heat in his blood, vocalizing his desires to deaf ears. "We want. Rook. To treat us. Like this." Declared when the novel's protagonist presses a thigh between the male lead's legs, forcing them open and growling something licentious into his ear.

some of them are softer, too. things that border on simply domestic. a novel where the submissive partner cooks a meal and performs acts of service. hand-feeding the dominant, no sexual act in sight. service and adoration, tender acts of care and affection. a desire tucked within his heart, offered up with the hopes that rook will allow him this. that rook will want the same.

and rook has learned to read Lucanis--is aware of the way he squeezes his eye shut and braces whenever they read a praise aloud. the way his breath hitches when they read a fanciful novel about Antivan crows and the male lead is tracing a blade along the muscle of the romantic interests' neck. how sometimes his thighs will press together, and a little noise will escape, and Lucanis will simply hide his face within their thighs and murmur one swear or another as he tries to disappear.

eventually, rook broaches the subject. soft, and easy, casual in an attempt to keep him from freezing but catches him off guard regardless. "you know, lucanis, these don't have to just be things we read about." a hand scratching at his scalp, a low hum as he sputters and his mind races through every possible fantasy he and Spite have been crafting for the past few months. "You can tell me whenever you're ready, Lucanis." A pause, grin sharpening before they add, "I prefer good boys who tell me what they want."

It is very, very difficult to keep Spite from taking over and kissing Rook senseless.

Eventually Lucanis settles on a passage he feels is safe enough. Brings the book to Rook with hands that don't tremble, despite the fear in his heart. Points out every passage he had lovingly marked, admits the little tweaks he had made with them in mind. And Rook, who loves him more than the sun and the moon, who would do anything he asked with a smile, tells him they'd be more than happy to try. And perhaps the scenes aren't always like the books, but they are perfect. because rook is the one taking care of him, and there is no one else he would trust himself with.

[ivyminie]

https://www.tumblr.com/ivyminie/785523974989922304/came-accross-jon-bellions-demo-for-seven-that-was?source=share

Like I know Jimin's whole "JK is my copycat" thing is a joke but genuinely one of the biggest issues that JK has is that so much of his work is just him mimicking other artists he likes whether it's JB or Charlie Puth. Every artist gets inspired by the greats before him but you have to build on that and create your own signature style.

Jimin's pretty lucky in that his vocal tone is already unique enough to set him apart but he also elevates the songs he sings and that's more obvious in his solo work over the group setting. I think that's why it annoyed me to see JK giving Jimin singing advice on are you sure because - maybe JK is a better singer on a technical level (I guess? I'm not a pro so I'm assuming based on how every member goes to him for advice on vocals) - but Jimin songs are simply more moving and effective and that's because he's better at injecting actual emotions into his songs. JK used to be able to do it once in a while before but not on any of his solo stuff.

Of course this is all highly subjective but listening to JK's main singles - 7, 3d, snty, euphoria (overrated af btw) - if you replaced him with AI, would we even notice? Genuine question. Still with you was the last time he showed true potential imo

Omg the way he pissed me off so bad when he did that during ays, just extreme immaturity on his part tbh, because even if he believes his advice to be helpful (which it wasn't, i was screaming through the screen for jimin to not fucking listen to a single word he was saying about changing the way jimin was singing the words which is part of his vocalprint and makes such a difference) it simply was the right time to stfu because that was a wrapped up recording already there was no point in doing this at all, but he was so in this lame singing competition judge character he didn't take a second to think that was a vulnerable moment for a member to show him a song they finished recording before it releases. I think that was really the moment in ays that was above my limits and that i find legit to criticize. (anyway i went on a tangent here)

Back to jks vocals, i agree and i think for golden the lack of emoting and vocal personality was so obvious, he was matrixed by this whole thing of trying "new vocal techniques" but failed to showcase authenticity emoting all of that...which as you said he had in his old solo songs but golden is just void of it. Its also so ironic that during one of his lives he said that he was looking at his ai covers on tiktoks and trying to copy it and that says a lot already.

Personally i love jimins voice so much and its genuinely the best, he is so lucky to have such a unique rich tone (there is so many artist who would kill for that) and in an oversaturated industry with so many singers that's such a huge plus. His ability to emote is out of this world and is one the most important things for me, to feel what you're singing for it to reach the person who's listening and jimin no matter the storyline the theme he has the ability to become one through his voice with it. Last thing i would mention is in terms of technique jimin to me actually uses so much more vocal techniques that can look subtle but are soooooooooo hard to do and imitate that's why no one is able to sing his songs or bring the feelings of the songs the same way he does. I was the most fascinated by his like crazy acoustic version and still think that performance needs to be taught and who in another world would have definitely deserved best vocal performance on the grammys or something i'm not even kidding.

[supi-wupi]

The Group Chat That Never Sleeps

members: OT13

synopsis: The SEVENTEEN members have one giant group chat that’s always blowing up with memes, ridiculous challenges, embarrassing confessions, and endless teasing — often at the expense of one unlucky member each time.

wc: 4.9k, 21.3k (full)

genre: Comedy, Crack, Fluff

warning: Chaos

a/n: the chapters slowly get smaller and smaller as i ran out of ideas... [CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN UPDATED TO INCLUDE FORGOTTEN WONWOO]

(this is only 10 chapters out of 75, full fic is up on my ao3 already)

Chapter 1: [Reply All]

Victim of the Day: Joshua (ShuJi) Duration: 2 Hours of Psychological Damage Time: 11:48PM KST Setting: SEVENTEEN’s full group chat: “13 Going on Unhinged”

[Joshua]

hey. uh. ignore the last message pls

[Jeonghan]

oh no no no no NO WAY you're not walking away from that

[Seungkwan]

HOLD ON I NEED TO SCROLL BACK everyone STOP THE CHAT I’M SCROLLING

[Dino]

WAIT what message??? I WAS IN THE SHOWER WHY DO I ALWAYS MISS THE CARNAGE

[Woozi]

“i can’t keep pretending i don’t feel something when he laughs like that. it’s annoying. why is he so perfect. i hate this.”

[Minghao]

😮 poetry?

[Hoshi]

OMG IS THAT ABOUT WHO I THINK IT’S ABOUT 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

[Joshua]

that was NOT for this chat delete delete delete delete

[Jun]

too late bro it’s been screenshotted printed laminated and engraved onto a plaque for the practice room

[Vernon]

is this like a confession or an emotional crime

[DK]

i’m crying this is better than any drama on disney+

[Seungcheol]

JOSHUA HONG. who is it. who made you feel emotions. was it me? be honest.

[Joshua]

i’m logging off. forever. goodbye.

[Woozi]

don’t try to disappear you clicked reply all, romeo WHO’S THE “HE”

[Jeonghan]

okay let’s play “Guess That Crush” my vote: MINGHAO man does laugh like a villainous anime love interest

[Minghao]

i accept your vote i have the hair for it

[Dino]

you guys this is so serious this is a real confession i’m making popcorn

[Wonwoo]

so joshua be real who’s the guy?

[Joshua]

i hate all of you i’m in emotional distress and you’re memeing me

[Hoshi]

i made an edit btw [image: joshua + minghao wedding invite mockup.jpg]

[Jun]

the theme is “accidental love” joshua cries in the corner minghao poses dramatically on a piano

[DK]

i can sing at the ceremony i already picked a setlist opening song: “Some” closing song: “i hate u i love u”

[Seungkwan]

cue me making this go virali’m already writing the tweet: “SEVENTEEN’s Joshua accidentally sends secret crush confession in group chat and t’s ICONIC”

[Wonwoo]

is it even that deep tho like… maybe he just really likes Seungcheol’s laugh or smth

[Seungcheol]

👁️👁️ @joshua… you do laugh when I laugh is this about me be brave

[Joshua]

STOP ALL OF YOU I’M BLOCKING THIS CHAT

[Jeonghan]

he’s deflecting classic symptoms conclusion: he’s in love with someone here and it's probably someone with ✨ a laugh ✨

[Dino]

wow it could be anyone except me no one loves my laugh it sounds like a kazoo on fire 😔

[Hoshi]

SAME mine sounds like a baby goat that stepped on a lego

[Woozi]

you’ve both accurately described yourselves anyway back to the crush

[Jun]

the way shua still hasn’t denied minghao 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

[Joshua]

OK FINE it’s not minghao it’s not seungcheol it’s not ANY OF YOU

[Vernon]

so it’s a staff member

[DK]

OMG IT’S THE MAKEUP NOONA she does have a cute laugh

[Seungkwan]

or the vocal coach??? or THE MANAGER????

[Jeonghan]

guys GUYS what if it’s someone from another group 😭

[Seungcheol]

no wonder he’s been glowing lately true love will do that

[Joshua]

i swear to every higher power i will unplug the wifi in this dorm

[Wonwoo]

coward confess properly or next time i’m tagging dispatch

[Woozi]

actually… i just checked joshua sent that message in two chats one here one with someone named “J 💜” oooohhhh

[Hoshi]

J 💜???? IS THAT JEONGHAN????

[Jeonghan]

ME????OMG STOP THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING (but keep going)

[Joshua]

it was meant for someone else ok JUST DROP IT

[Seungkwan]

never. i’m tweeting this. #ShuaGotCaught #MysteryManRevealed #SVTGroupChatIsARealityShow

[Mingyu]

guys i just woke up what did i miss why is everyone sending wedding memes

[DK]

shua confessed to a boy by accident it’s been an honor watching history unfold

[Joshua]

…i’m leaving the groupchat.

[ADMIN: Joshua has left the group.]

[Jeonghan changed the group name to “Joshua’s Secret Boyfriend Fanclub 💍”]

[Woozi pinned a message: “i can’t keep pretending i don’t feel something when he laughs like that. it’s annoying. why is he so perfect.”]

[Seungcheol added Joshua back to the group.]

[Seungcheol]: 

you’re not escaping this family sir 💗

Chapter 2: [The Great Dorm Thermostat War]

Victim of the Day: Mingyu (The Human Furnace) vs. Woozi (The Antarctic Goblin) Duration: 5 hours of petty warfare and two broken fans. Time: 2:12AM KST Location: Dorm Chat (renamed every 15 minutes)

[Woozi]

WHO TURNED THE THERMOSTAT UP TO 29 DEGREES DO YOU HATE ME IS THIS PERSONAL

[Mingyu]

i was cold :( my toes were crying

[Jeonghan]

immediately chooses violence29????? are you trying to SLOW COOK us????

[Dino]

wait i thought the heater was broken??? i’ve been using 7 hoodies like a sentient laundry pile

[Hoshi]

i SLEPT IN A SWEAT PUDDLE i thought i was having a NIGHTMARE in a SAUNA

[Minghao]

i woke up and my jade roller MELTED

[DK]

the air was so thick i had a conversation with it i named it jeff jeff told me to fight mingyu

[Joshua]

i thought i was hallucinating when the wall started sweating the WALL, mingyu. the WALL.

[Mingyu]

okay okay okay i just wanted to feel warm inside 😔 emotionally and physically

[Woozi]

you want to feel warm? i’ll set you ON FIRE then we’ll BOTH be warm

[Vernon]

this is the most heated argument we’ve had pun intended

[Seungcheol]

ok. i am instituting a dorm-wide temperature democracy. please reply with your IDEAL TEMPERATURE.

[Hoshi]

22°C. for survival. for dance practice. for skincare.

[Jun]

18. i like to feel pain when i wake up. it reminds me i’m alive.

[Seungkwan]

23.2 but only if i’m on the top bunk

[Joshua]

20.7 and i will not elaborate

[Dino]

26, but only because i am weak and easily cold i’m like a very anxious lizard

[Minghao]

i transcend temperature but 19 is fine

[Woozi]

17. i sleep in a hoodie, under a blanket, in vengeance.

[Jeonghan]

25. because i thrive in chaos and want to see woozi combust

[DK]

i just want the air to stop feeling like soup pls

[Wonwoo]

24 is perfect temp for naps

[Vernon]

i do not experience temperature but 21 works i guess

[Seungcheol]

this is the worst survey i’ve ever seen

[Woozi]

i swear to god mingyu if you touch that thermostat ONE more time i’m duct taping your entire body in frozen peas

[Mingyu]

i already did 😬 it’s on 30 🏖️🌞🌴⛱️🌋🔥🧯

[Hoshi]

HE NEEDS TO BE STOPPED THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP

[Wonwoo]

im gonna melt i swear

[Jun]

imagine waking up at 3am in a sleep paralysis sweat dream and it’s just Mingyu adjusting the thermostat with a smile

[DK]

[image: blurry selfie of DK holding a fan with tears in his eyes] my last defense has fallen

[Joshua]

I’m moving out. I’m going to sleep in PLEDIS’ practice room with the cockroach I named Harold.

[Woozi]

i'm gonna hack the building wiring you want hot? i’ll give you nuclear

[Seungkwan]

ok BUT mingyu did look like a cozy baby burrito when i passed his room he was humming

[Woozi]

I DON’T CARE IF HE WAS SINGING A LULLABY I WOKE UP IN MY OWN SWEAT THAT IS A CRIME

[Vernon]

can we make thermostat wars a reality show ep 1: mingyu gets slapped with a frozen sock

[Jeonghan renamed the groupchat to “Welcome to the Oven (Mingyu’s Cult)”]

[Wonwoo renamed the groupchat to “Cryo Chamber Support Group ❄️”]

[Jun renamed it again: “The Cold Never Bothered Jihoon Anyway”]

[Seungcheol pinned a message: “Final temp setting: 22°C. Anyone who changes it will lose their Wi-Fi, limbs, or both.”]

[Mingyu]

so i can’t bump it to 25 just while i nap?

[Woozi]

say goodbye to your kneecaps.

[Mingyu has left the group.]

[Joshua added Mingyu back to the group.]

[Joshua]: 

you made this bed. sweat in it.

Chapter 3: [SVT Family Feud – The Game Night Breakdown]

Victim of the Day: Dino (Too Competitive for His Own Good) Special Mentions: Buzzers, Wrong Answers, and Jeonghan’s Psychological Warfare Time: 9:32PM KST – Game Night Gone So Wrong

[Seungcheol]

FAMILY FEUD NIGHT. NO BACKING OUT. TEAMS ARE FINAL.

[Woozi]

i already hate this.

[Hoshi]

AHHHHHHH LET’S GOOOO MY ANSWERS ARE GOING TO BE SO ICONIC 😤😤

[Joshua]

mingyu… you okay with being host?

[Mingyu]

yep. i printed flashcards. i wore a suit. i am spiritually Steve Harvey.

[Vernon]

do we win something?

[Jeonghan]

yes. the right to mock the losers for the rest of eternity.

[DK]

worth it.

[Mingyu]

ROUND 1 Team A: Jeonghan, Woozi, Joshua, Vernon, Seungkwan, Wonwoo Team B: Seungcheol, DK, Hoshi, Minghao, Dino, Jun buzzers in hand?

[Dino]

I WAS BORN READY i slept with the buzzer under my pillow

[Jeonghan]

weird flex but okay

[Mingyu]

Question 1: “Name something you do in the shower.”

[Dino BUZZES first]

cry

[Mingyu]

…top answer with 42 points. i’m concerned.

[DK]

my guy didn’t even hesitate 💀

[Wonwoo]

relatable tbh

[Mingyu]

Team B, keep going Seungcheol?

[Seungcheol]

sing?

[Mingyu]

second top answer. 36 points. Woozi?

[Woozi]

plot arguments you should’ve had

[Mingyu]

12 points. third answer who hurt you

[Seungkwan]

wait is this therapy

[Jeonghan]

it is now

[Mingyu]

ROUND 2 “Name something you’d bring on a first date.”

[Vernon BUZZES]

a backup plan

[Mingyu]

…what??

[Vernon]

like an excuse to leave if it’s awkward example: fake dentist appointment

[Woozi]

man’s playing chess

[Jeonghan]

i bring pepper spray. not for danger. just for vibes

[Hoshi]

i brought a kazoo once. she never texted back tho

[Seungkwan]

is this why we’re single

[DK]

i brought a drawing of us as jellybeans that counts right

[Joshua]

i brought flowers. …and she gave them to the waiter.

[Jeonghan]

LMAO loser energy

[Joshua]

i will unplug your hair straightener.

[Mingyu]

NEXT QUESTION “Name a reason you’d go viral.”

[Dino BUZZES]

incredible dancing 😌

[Woozi BUZZES right after]

slipping on a banana peel at the airport while yelling “SEVENTEEN FIGHTING”

[Mingyu]

both correct. but woozi’s was more specific. 50 points.

[Dino]

WHAT I’M LITERALLY THE MAIN DANCER THIS IS RIGGED

[Jeonghan]

cry about it, banana boy

[Minghao]

dino is doing that shower answer again

[Wonwoo]

do we get bonus points for creativity??

[Mingyu]

last question: “Name something you pretend to understand but don’t.”

[Joshua BUZZES]

Woozi’s studio setup

[Woozi]

get out

[Wonwoo]

mingyu’s dreams when he explains them at breakfast “and then i was a raccoon but emotionally”

[Hoshi]

the group choreography i just vibe and pray

[Jun]

jeonghan’s lies

[Jeonghan]

rude. but true.

[Dino]

love.

[Whole chat]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[Mingyu]

GAME OVER WINNERS: TEAM A LOSERS: TEAM B PRIZE: bragging rights PUNISHMENT: dramatic reading of the groupchat messages from 2017

[Jeonghan]

dino’s part starts with “hyungs, if i eat this bug, will you love me?”

[Dino]

I WAS EIGHTEEN AND DESPERATE FOR AFFECTION

[Woozi renamed the groupchat to: “Dino Bug-Eater Support Line 🐛”]

[Wonwoo changed Dino’s name in chat to “Cry Shower King”]

[Dino]

i’m deleting all of you from my heart

[Seungkwan pinned a message: “next week: Uno Night – emotional damage edition”]

Chapter 4: [Uno Night – Emotional Damage Edition]

Victim of the Day: Hoshi (It Wasn’t Personal—It Was Strategic) Special Mentions: The Reverse Card That Ruined Everything Time: 11:11PM KST – a cursed hour for friendships

[Seungcheol]

UNO NIGHT COMMENCING may god have mercy on our bonds

[Woozi]

loads psychological warfare playlist

[DK]

i baked cookies 😊

[Jeonghan]

prepares lies, betrayal, and emotional destruction

[Mingyu]

i still don’t know how to play

[Joshua]

you’ve played 17 times you just like chaos

[Wonwoo]

should we… do teams?

[Seungkwan]

NO. trust no one. especially not jeonghan.

[Hoshi]

i feel like tonight’s gonna be my redemption arc 😌

[Woozi]

spoiler: it’s not

[Minghao]

why are we doing this at night i need time to emotionally recover before schedules

[Jun]

i want to win and then pretend i didn’t silent domination

[Mingyu]

i brought props [image: Mingyu in a magician’s cape and UNO cards taped to his forehead]

[Joshua]

i’m scared

[Dino]

[sends voice note] "if i don’t win tonight, i’m changing my stage name to uno-destroyed-me"

[Mingyu]

UNO RULES:

1. If you don’t yell “UNO,” you draw 4 2. If you make someone cry, you get a cookie 3. Jeonghan is banned from premeditated targeting (Jeonghan has read this message)

[Round 1 Begins]

[Jeonghan]

sorry hoshi +4

[Hoshi]

IT’S BEEN TWO TURNS I LITERALLY JUST SAT DOWN

[DK]

i believe in you ❤️

[Hoshi]

then WHY did you also give me a +2

[Woozi]

places Reversei want to hurt jeonghan back it’s personal

[Jeonghan]

oh? [plays Skip] not today, short king

[Seungkwan]

[plays +2 on Woozi] for calling him short justice, but make it petty

[Dino]

[places Reverse] i smell betrayal

[Jun]

[plays +4 on Dino] i smell victory

[Minghao]

[places Wild Card] color: suffering

[Joshua]

i’m just vibing with two cards left

[Everyone]

UNO?

[Joshua]

…i forgot.

[Wonwoo]

draw 4, you tragic prince

[Jeonghan]

slams reverse cardTIME TO GO BACK TO THE PAIN

[Hoshi]

GUYS STOP I’VE DRAWN FIFTEEN CARDS I HAVE THE ENTIRE RAINBOW I COULD BUILD A BRIDGE TO MY OWN DOOM

[Woozi]

bridge to nowhere sponsored by hoshi’s terrible luck

[DK]

i saved you one round ago 🙃

[Hoshi]

NO YOU DIDN’T you played a WILD +4 while smiling like a golden retriever with secrets

[Vernon]

current vibe check: hoshi has more cards than emotional stability

[Mingyu]

[image: Hoshi holding up all his cards like a terrible fan] caption: “boy with cardz”

[Jeonghan]

[plays +4 again] sorry. the cards told me to.

[Hoshi]

THE CARDS DON’T SPEAK YOU JUST LIKE WATCHING ME FALL APART

[Seungcheol]

ok this is getting too real new rule: anyone targeting hoshi must write him a compliment

[Woozi]

hoshi, you’re very… loud. that’s a skill. probably.

[Minghao]

you dance well. and cry like a 2009 k-drama protagonist

[Joshua]

you make us laugh. unintentionally. but still.

[Hoshi]

you’re all banned from my heart

[Dino]

[plays Skip] sorry king. your turn has been denied by the universe

[Mingyu]

UNO

[Everyone]

glares

[Jeonghan]

[whispers] sabotage him

[Seungkwan]

[plays Wild +4] with pleasure 😌

[Mingyu]

i deserved that but at what cost

[Joshua wins round]

peace and love to everyone except the people who gave me +4s

[Wonwoo renamed the groupchat to: “UNO Survivors Anonymous”]

[Hoshi]

[sends audio of dramatic piano music under his whispered sobbing]

[DK pinned a message: “someone get him warm milk and a hug”]

[Minghao]

are we… still friends?

[Jeonghan]

depends who’s ready for Monopoly next week

[Whole Chat]

NO.

Chapter 5: [Who Left the Milk Out? (Dorm Court is in Session)]

Victim of the Day: Seungcheol (Allegedly Milk Murderer) Special Mentions: Objection! Speculation! Jeonghan as the prosecution! Time: 8:42 AM – Too Early for Justice

[Woozi]

who. left the milk out.

[DK]

it was chunky. why did it chew back

[Hoshi]

i poured it into my cereal and now my cornflakes have trust issues

[Joshua]

i took one sip and saw the face of godhe said “don’t blame me, blame your leader”

[Jeonghan]

📣 COURT IS NOW IN SESSION THE PEOPLE VS. CHOI SEUNGCHEOL charge: dairy negligence crime scene: kitchen counter, 7:43AM weapon: 2L carton of betrayal

[Seungcheol]

WHAT I didn’t do it!!

[Minghao]

classic guilty person sentence

[Mingyu]

i’m the bailiff. i’m holding a spatula instead of a gavel. we do what we can.

[Jeonghan]

as prosecution, i will now present exhibit A: [image: half-empty milk carton sitting next to Seungcheol’s protein shaker]

[Seungcheol]

circumstantial!! you’re all biased!!

[Dino]

objection, your honor i had that milk at midnight and it was fine

[Woozi]

OVERRULED you also ate expired pizza willingly

[Vernon]

can i be the court sketch artist [sends doodle of seungcheol sobbing next to a cartoon cow]

[Jun]

i want to be a surprise witness

[Joshua]

who even gave jeonghan a legal license

[Jeonghan]

i forged it in MS Paint therefore it’s legally binding

[DK]

i just wanted cereal and now we’re in a trial

[Mingyu]

bangs spatulaORDER. ORDER IN THE KITCHEN COURT.

[Seungkwan]

i’d like to present EXHIBIT B[image: Seungcheol’s calendar with “BUY MILK” crossed out three days ago]

[Jeonghan]

motive: he hates shopping. means: lives here. opportunity: EVERY MORNING.

[Hoshi]

[gasps dramatically] …i trusted you, bro

[Seungcheol]

I WAS FRAMED

[Wonwoo]

by who. the milk fairy?

[Dino]

ok but plot twist… what if the milk went bad on purpose

[Woozi]

get out

[Jun]

surprise witness statement: “I walked past the milk at 2am and it moaned”

[Joshua]

no no no NO

[Seungkwan]

i’m writing that down for lyrics

[Mingyu]

the court sentences Choi Seungcheol to:

- buying everyone new milk - apologizing in song - scrubbing the fridge - watching a 45-minute dairy safety documentary narrated by Woozi

[Jeonghan]

plus one slap from each member emotionally or physically. your choice.

[Seungcheol]

i choose exile

[Hoshi renamed the chat: “The Milky Betrayal 🥛🧍🏻‍♂️”]

[Vernon pinned a message: “trust no one. not even dairy.”]

[Seungkwan]

next case: who clogged the sink with 43 bobby pins

[Jun]

i plead the fifth

[Minghao]

we’re turning this dorm into a courtroom sitcom

[DK]

i’ll make popcorn

[Woozi]

someone pass me the gavel. it’s time for Dorm Court: Episode 2.

Chapter 6: [The Accidental K-Pop Dad Reveal (feat. Mingyu’s Finsta)]

Victim of the Day: Kim Mingyu (a.k.a. Appa-gyu) Special Mentions: Jeonghan’s screenshots, Seungkwan’s FBI-level research Time: 2:07PM – a peaceful afternoon ruined in seconds

[Hoshi]

GUYS GUYS GUYS EMERGENCY

[Wonwoo]

did the dorm catch fire again

[Hoshi]

WORSE MINGYU POSTED SOMETHING CURSED ON HIS FINSTA

[Woozi]

i thought we weren’t allowed to follow that anymore after “the banana milk incident”

[Jeonghan]

i made a burner to keep tabs. you’re welcome. [sends screenshot: Mingyu with a child on his shoulders, captioned “best day ever with my lil guy 🩵 #family”]

[Joshua]

…MINGYU DO YOU HAVE A CHILD

[Mingyu]

WAIT NO NO THAT’S MY COUSIN’S KID I’M JUST A REALLY GOOD UNCLE

[Seungkwan]

your honorthis man is fathering with intent

[Jun]

you do have that “can build a crib in under 30 seconds” energy

[DK]

i saw him carry three toddlers at a wedding once and they were all asleep

[Minghao]

suspiciously father-like

[Dino]

googles “how to tell if your bandmate is a secret dad”

[Woozi]

bro your playlist is all lullabies

[Mingyu]

THEY’RE RELAXING

[Jeonghan]

exhibit b: [screenshot of Mingyu’s finsta story] “any recs for the best baby shampoo? asking for science 👀🍼”

[Seungcheol]

that doesn’t even SOUND like science??

[Joshua]

mingyu. blink twice if you’re a single father

[Mingyu]

I’M. JUST. A GOOD COUSIN.

[Vernon]

he’s lying i saw him fold a onesie with military precision

[Woozi]

and he owns four diaper bags color coded

[Hoshi]

he tried to “baby-proof” the studio door once

[Minghao]

remember when he offered everyone fruit snacks “just in case anyone needed a lil boost” father behavior.

[Wonwoo]

fan café is already calling you Dadgyu

[DK]

cute but also terrifying imagine being a child and seeing Mingyu’s face first thing every morning

[Mingyu]

☹️

[Dino]

hold up WHO TAUGHT THE BABY TO POINT AT HIM AND SAY “appa”

[Jeonghan]

i have video footage [sends clip of child pointing at Mingyu, yelling “appa!” and hugging his leg while Mingyu panics]

[Seungcheol]

this is the best scandal we’ve had since “who used the entire dorm’s shampoo in one shower” (Hoshi)

[Joshua]

mingyu. answer truthfully. are you in a secret sitcom we don’t know about.

[Mingyu]

no. …maybe. NO.

[Vernon]

too late your new stage name is "SEVENTEEN's Father Figure"

[Hoshi renamed the group chat: “Appa-Gyu & His 12 Chaotic Children”]

[Mingyu changed it back: “STOP CALLING ME DAD”]

[Seungkwan pinned a message: “he didn’t deny it fast enough 👶🍼”]

[Jeonghan made merch mockups: “#DadgyuNation” hoodies incoming]

[Mingyu]

i hate all of you but also i packed snacks if anyone’s hungry

[DK]

A TRUE DAD 😭❤️

[Wonwoo]

next chapter of this sitcom: “Mingyu Attends Parent-Teacher Night and Isn’t Corrected”

Chapter 7: [The Mystery of the Missing Left Sock (And Other Dorm Superstitions)]

Victim of the Day: Dino (missing sock + emotional damage) Special Mentions: Joshua’s ghost repellent, Minghao’s sixth sense, and Woozi’s refusal to believe Time: 12:01AM – A perfect hour for existential dread

[Dino]

ok WHO took my LEFT sock

[Joshua]

why only the left

[Dino]

if i knew that would i be here suffering??

[Hoshi]

sounds like a classic ghost move u ever heard of the one-legged sock gremlin

[Wonwoo]

that’s not a thing stop encouraging him

[Jeonghan]

it is now. his name is Todd and he lives behind the laundry machine

[Seungcheol]

fun fact: if you lose 13 left socks, you unlock the ghost realm

[Dino]

GUYS. I HAVE LOST SEVEN.

[Mingyu]

oh no. someone protect him. he’s halfway to the netherworld.

[Joshua]

i’ll pray over your sock drawer i have holy water. sort of. it’s from Jeju but i blessed it with intent

[DK]

i once lost my pants in the dryer maybe the sock went where the pants went

[Woozi]

...you what now

[DK]

it was a dark time

[Minghao]

maybe it’s not ghosts maybe your sock is just running from its responsibilities

[Dino]

relatable but unhelpful

[Jun]

have we considered the haunted dorm theory again

[Seungkwan]

STOP i still can’t sleep unless my closet door is closed with industrial tape

[Vernon]

this is why i wear mismatched socks can’t lose what you never organize

[Jeonghan]

genius or chaos? you decide.

[Mingyu]

i just found a lone sock in the kitchen drawer is it gray?

[Dino]

YES THAT’S HIM HIS NAME IS GERALD

[Wonwoo]

you named your sock?

[Joshua]

he’s grieving. let him cope.

[Minghao]

wait. serious question. does anyone else’s room get colder when they talk about missing clothes?

[DK]

i sleep with a plushie of myself. does that count as protection

[Seungcheol]

no but it explains a lot

[Jeonghan]

let’s do a cleansing ritual everyone line up in the hallway with your weirdest item

[Hoshi]

i have a shoe signed by an elderly man who claimed to be a time traveler

[Joshua]

perfect. energy’s immaculate.

[Woozi]

i swear if i walk out there and you’re all holding bananas and chanting—

[Vernon]

[sends voice memo of gentle chanting and rhythmic sock slapping]it’s working

[Dino]

GERALD CAME BACK THE LEFT SOCK RETURNED HE WAS UNDER THE COUCH ALL ALONG

[Seungkwan]

we banish Todd the Sock Goblin to the shadows from whence he came

[Hoshi renamed the group chat: “Sock Seventeen: Paranormal Threads”]

[Mingyu]

can we do ghost hunting for our next reality show i promise to scream convincingly

[Joshua]

i will bring crystals and snacks

[Wonwoo]

i’m going to bed if i wake up missing a sock i’m moving to the practice room forever

[Jeonghan]

if wonwoo disappears we know the ghost got picky

Chapter 8: [“Who Googled ‘How to Flirt’ on the Dorm Wi-Fi?” (A Digital Investigation)]

Victim of the Day: ??? Special Mentions: Minghao’s FBI arc, Seungkwan’s spreadsheet, and Joshua’s suspicious charm Time: 11:11PM – the wishing hour (and apparently, the Googling hour too)

[Woozi]

WHO GOOGLED “how to flirt without sounding desperate”

[Dino]

…do we not have privacy in this house?

[Hoshi]

omg was it me

[Woozi]

the dorm wi-fi admin gets alerts when someone searches certain keywords “flirt” is one of them (thanks to that incident with DK and the waitress in Busan)

[DK]

she laughed at my pun 😔

[Joshua]

okay but real talk what was the full search

[Woozi]

“how to flirt casually and confidently without sounding like a clingy sea cucumber”

[Minghao]

oh it’s definitely one of you

[Seungcheol]

CONFESS WE WON’T JUDGE (we will absolutely judge)

[Jeonghan]

i’m making a suspect board right now i’ve got:

- Joshua (suspiciously smooth lately) - Dino (we all saw the “u up?” message fail) - Mingyu (acted shocked when someone winked at him) - Jun (flirted with a vending machine once)

[Jun]

EXCUSE ME that vending machine gave me free chips we had chemistry

[Mingyu]

i have stage fright even texting “hi” it wasn’t me

[Dino]

IT WASN’T ME EITHER i don’t need Google i have charisma (and rejection immunity)

[Seungkwan]

compiling an Excel doc: “Dorm Google History vs. Known Behavior” this is serious research

[Vernon]

i googled “how to tell if a plant likes you” last week does that count

[Wonwoo]

what kind of romance novel are you living in

[Joshua]

what if it wasn’t one of us what if it was… a guest?

[Jeonghan]

NOPE dorm security cam footage shows no outsiders between 10:45–11:30 and i say that with confidence because i was watching old performances of myself in the living room

[Hoshi]

plot twist: it was Seungcheol leader by day, loverboy by Google

[Seungcheol]

I WILL SUE

[Wonwoo]

guys… someone just deleted their browser history remotely from the router

[DK]

oh my god it’s getting real

[Seungkwan]

confess now and we’ll only tease you for one week otherwise you’re living this down never

[Joshua]

hypothetically if someone did google that it would be because they liked someone, right?

[Woozi]

yes and they wanted to not be a clingy sea cucumber which, by the way, is now your official flirting mascot

[Jeonghan]

you know what i don’t want the truth anymorei want fan theories let’s let the fandom solve it

[Mingyu renamed the chat: “13 Men & a Sea Cucumber: Who’s in Love?”]

[Seungkwan pinned a message: “we’ll find you, google flirt boy. and we’ll roast you with love.”]

[Joshua changed the chat name again: “Definitely Not Me Looking Up Flirting Tips 😅”]

[Everyone reacted with 👀]

[Woozi]

wait JOSHUA?

[Joshua]

gotta go xoxo 😬

[Dino]

GET HIM HE’S THE SEA CUCUMBER

[Jun]

never thought those words would be typed with such fury

[Jeonghan]

next group meeting: we all read out one flirting line each Josh goes last because he’s clearly been studying

Chapter 9: [The Emergency Hair Dye Pact (Or: How Three of Us Ended Up Orange)]

Victims of the Day: Jun, Dino, and Seungkwan (aka the “Orange Trio”) Special Mentions: Jeonghan’s salon takeover, Mingyu’s “professional” advice, and Woozi’s pure judgment Time: 9:42PM – when boredom meets a bad idea

[Jun]

guys emergency i need a new hair color something bold something... orange

[Dino]

orange?? are you trying to start a fire

[Seungkwan]

hold up i have a coupon for hair dye maybe we do this together?

[Jeonghan]

i volunteer as stylist no one leaves with orange hair except on my watch

[Woozi]

do NOT trust Jeonghan with dye last time he almost made me go blue for a week

[Mingyu]

gives “professional” adviceorange is the new black do it

[Joshua]

i’m just here to watch the chaos unfold

[Jun]

okay it’s a pact orange hair or bust

[Dino]

i’m in if i’m gonna look like a carrot i want company

[Seungkwan]

count me in too if we’re going down, we go down glowing

[Jeonghan]

this is going to be a masterpiece or a disaster no in between

[Wonwoo]

please don’t make me clean up afterward

[Minghao]

i’m setting up a group photo shoot for the “Orange Trio” captions and hashtags ready

[Joshua]

someone’s definitely going to Photoshop pumpkin heads

[Jeonghan]

relax. i’m about to make you look like fiery gods or at least orange legends

[Dino]

how do i explain this to my grandma

[Jun]

“it’s cultural expression, grandma”

[Seungkwan]

“and also, very very orange”

[Woozi]

i’m still judging you all

[Jeonghan sends a video of the trio mid-dye, covered in dye and laughing hysterically]

[Mingyu]

this is chaos i love it

[Joshua]

10/10 would panic with you again

[Jun]

finished! orange, vibrant, and ready to set stages on fire

[Dino]

i look like a traffic cone

[Seungkwan]

i look like a glowing carrot

[Jeonghan]

i call this look: “autumn sunset on a wild night”

[Woozi]

please don’t go outside like that

[Minghao]

too late selfies already posted

[Jun]

viral or bust

[Hoshi renamed the group chat: “Orange is the New Seventeen”]

[Mingyu]

next challenge: survive the reactions

Chapter 10: [The Great Dorm Pet Debate (Hamsters vs. Goldfish vs. Mystery Creature)]

Victims of the Day: The dorm’s “newest resident” (???) Special Mentions: Seungkwan’s animal facts, Minghao’s accidental pet whispering, and Woozi’s deadpan “not my problem” attitude Time: 8:17PM – peak pet debate hour

[Seungcheol]

guys we need a dorm pet this is not a request, this is a necessity

[Dino]

okay but what kind no snakes tho pls

[Joshua]

hamsters? low maintenance

[Jeonghan]

goldfish? classy and calming

[Hoshi]

what about a mystery creature

[Woozi]

define “mystery creature”

[Minghao]

the thing i found behind the couch yesterday

[Seungkwan]

that thing was alive???

[Minghao]

...maybe it had eyes and it moved

[Jun]

that’s either a miracle or a horror story

[Seungcheol]

back to pets hamsters are cute but noisy

[DK]

goldfish are quiet but boring

[Vernon]

can we just have a pet rock less drama

[Wonwoo]

a pet rock named Gerald 2.0 sequel to the missing sock

[Dino]

no i want something alive

[Mingyu]

how about a turtle slow but wise

[Joshua]

no one has time for a turtle’s social needs tho

[Hoshi]

i nominate the mystery creature

[Woozi]

i’m ready to wash my hands of this conversation

[Minghao]

i saw it again near the fridge

[Seungkwan]

pics or it didn’t happen

[Minghao sends a blurry pic of a tiny, fuzzy something]

[Jeonghan]

is that a hamster

[Minghao]

no idea it’s very fast

[Jun]

if we catch it we name it “The Phantom”

[Dino]

i volunteer to set humane traps no one touch my mystery pet

[Woozi]

if it chews through the cables, it’s your problem

[Seungcheol]

vote time hamsters, goldfish, turtles, mystery creature, or pet rock?

[Everyone sends their votes]

- Hamsters: 5 - Goldfish: 3 - Turtle: 2 - Mystery Creature: 2 - Pet Rock: 1

[Seungcheol]

hamsters it is and also hunting for The Phantom continues

[Minghao]

operation “Catch The Phantom” is a go

[Wonwoo renamed chat: “The Phantom and the Hamsters”]

[Woozi]

i’ll be the official “not in charge of feeding” person

[superkooku]

The idea of mentioning Asclepius and Atalanta probably came from my posts, lol.

I'm a bit more skeptical and vocally voiced my preference for the "canon" relationships in multiple posts.

But I kinda agree with your point and can completely see where you're coming from.

Personality if the crackships are funny and/or make sense thematically, I'm ok with them. EXCEPT if the figure is explicitly virgin or monogamous (seeing Athena or Hippolytus shipped with someone, Hera cheating on Zeus... NOPE).

For example, I can see where the Polyidus x Asclepius idea could come from. They're both medicine enthusiasts who like snakes and have a link with prophecy (the former is a seer and the latter the son of the prophecy god).

In fact, they swap roles according to sources. It's so much of a coincidence that I headcannon Asclepius had something to do with Polyidus finding the cure to resurrect the dead.

Maybe he transformed into a serpent or gave the serpent the herb for Polyidus. Because a random-ass snake putting some herbs in its mouth CAN'T literally undo Thanatos' work, I refuse to believe that 😂. An animal randomly accomplishing a miracle, without divine intervention or something, never even happens anywhere else in Greek mythology.

So yeah, it's less out of pocket.

Asclepius being shipped with Atalanta made me upset but mostly because of specific context. Thinking about it, it isn't THAT bad or even this book's worst flaw.

But, in the specific retelling I'm reading, the randomness of it is also mixed with a personal pet peeve of mine : that a deep and affectionate male and female friendship tends to mean "future romance" That's why I'm so upset about it.

Idk, I just prefer seeing Asclepius with his doctor wife. Plus people actually have flexibility to invent her a personality since she's a minor character. And there are a few other choices for Atalanta.

Asclepius x Atalanta (or x Polyidus) could work as a thing before Epione but I don't see the retelling randomly cancelling on the couple it advertised, not even for myth accuracy. Especially since Epione isn't a popular figure. That's not how these kinds of stories usually work, they have to be endgame.

Perseus X Medusa is 1000 times worse to me, I won't deny it, because he killed her AND that's actually an insult to the beautiful romance with Andromeda

Also, if you want to be insane, come on ! At least dig deep enough ! Even the original sources (Achilles x Medea) and a fricking Google search accident can make more creative mythology crackships than that.

And ofc, I criticize the ship, not the shippers, I still respect them, they do what they want to do, bla bla bla.

(Also, Pasiphae cheating on Minos is a really ironic concept when we see how she cursed him for when he cheats on her with other women 😂😂)

tl;dr : I'm fine with discussing mythology crackships that could make sense, can be inserted in the timeline or are so insane it's funny and... platonic friendship between men and women as a focus point is underrated.

sometimes i gotta lock in and remember that I'm not even a mythology purist, I'm actually quite ok with crackships. i guess when the crackship or fanship gets too popular it becomes annoying as fuck or nonsensical. or peoples lust for money and using crackships to pursue that audience without caring for mythology. if a crackship becomes the main ship, its not a crackship and it sucks. Basically, I don't even really care if Atlanta's being shipped with Asclepius lmao. and I like those two characters. but I do care if Medusa is being shipped with perseus.

shout out to my personal ship ideas

Polyidus x asclepius pasiphae x Daedalus oh and danae x medusa

[trappedinafantasy37]

Minthara reading everyone to filth upon recruitment is funny, but it also highlights just how paranoid she is. Realistically, it probably takes her a few days to figure everyone out rather than the instant she is recruited. When talking about all the companions, a common theme in all her responses relates to their combat capabilities and survivability, and points out their strengths and their weaknesses. She's not throwing shade or stirring the tea. Minthara is conducting a threat assessment. Minthara having very realistic and accurate readings of everyone is a trauma response, because she needs to know who they are and very quickly.

She is trying to figure out who is the most likely to kill her and why they would kill her. But also how they would go about it and is weighing her odds against them. She has to know their weaknesses in case she needs to exploit them, and she has to know their strengths so she can defend against them. And Minthara doesn't just consider their combat capabilities, but their psyche as well, using it as a factor to determine the likelihood of them ever coming after her specifically and how she can disarm them psychologically if need be. But you know who she doesn't provide her assessment for? You.

You are a conundrum. The moment you saved her, she has been curious of you, but wary. Although grateful you saved her, she doesn't understand why you saved her when she believes you had far more reason to either kill her or leave her behind. She wants to trust you, but her trust has always gotten her stabbed. She wants to have faith that her savior won't turn against her, but she has no reason to believe you won't. She spends the entirety of Act 2, watching you, analyzing you, trying to figure you out because she doesn't know what to do with you. She asks you some questions because she is still trying to figure out what motivates you. "Why come to Moonrise? Why raid the grove? Why knock me out?" In two of these questions, she is determining how likely you are to harbor any violent intent. And one of these questions is born of your history of bringing her harm. (Oh the irony of Minthara trusting you less if you knocked her out)

You're a potential enemy whose weakness she doesn't want to exploit, a potential enemy she doesn't want to have to defend herself against. And all this time she spends watching you, she finds things about you that she likes. Really likes. And while conducting her assessment of you, she falls in love with you, and it terrifies her because she still does not know if she is safe with you. So she asks you to share your mind and just tell her if you're safe and can be trusted. She doesn't want to guess anymore, and she doesn't want to come to a potential conclusion she doesn't like. She doesn't want to do the analysis, she doesn't want to be paranoid, she wants to trust you and feel safe with you. She needs to know that you are a safe person for her to love.

[hue-kangz]

[2025 DREAM WEEK] How to Make TOMORROW X TOGETHER :: Tyunning

[cannibalisticskittles]

saw someone say they didn't get the people with 'older rooks' romancing emmrich bc they made their rook 19/20 to play up the drama and uh

girl i don't know what kinda drama you think you're intensifying because it certainly isn't going to be romantic, emmrich already has hang-ups about age, he is not going to fall for a goddamned teenager

and even besides that, the timeline of the game establishes that rook has been traveling with varric for about a year, and with some backgrounds, the event that made rook leave their faction and start them on the path to meeting varric could have happened weeks to months before that

in no universe would varric see a fucking 17 year old and decide yep, that's who's gonna get a crucial part in stopping a plot that could end the world

[vimbry-moved]

oh hello shoe I've been waiting to see drop. sorta hoped you never would.

[widevibratobitch]

nothing sad but i need to bitch and im tired and need to frow up

[seilon]

every newer gen kpoppy who calls it revolutionary every time a big name bg member wears something vaguely skirt-like should be required to watch lee sungjong of infinite putting his whole pussy into performing coming of age ceremony by park jiyoon wearing the song's classic form-fitting black side-slitted dress with zero gimmicks way back in 2012

[sappho-of-suburbia]

eating a girl out for the first time? as someone with a couple of decades' experience (i started young, ok?), can i offer some advice?

take your time. your aim isn't to make her come as fast as possible, it's to make sure she enjoys every moment. slow down, revel in the process of finding out what she likes.

tell her how beautiful she is, how tempting her cunt looks, how intoxicating it smells, how sweet she tastes. she might be feeling vulnerable, especially if she's inexperienced too - it's your job to make her feel safe and adored.

enjoy the journey - i know you just want to feel your tongue on her clit NOW, but exploring her thighs, working your way slowly to her folds, trailing all the way up her cunt, drinking her juices, letting her feel your breath before she feels your touch...it'll be worth it. for both of you.

learn to read her body with all of your senses. she might be vocal but she might prefer to bite her lip or enjoy being gagged. you don't need to hear her words to know what to do. you'll feel her muscles twitch and relax - learn what it means when she lifts her hips, squirms or sinks into you. she might taste and smell differently when she is close to coming for you. pay close attention to her clit - if you're lucky and you've done a particularly good job, you might see it twitch as she recovers from the perfect orgasm. enjoy it.

you can be vocal though. moan into her. use every sensation you can. light flicks to determined, long, slow licks. blow gently on her wetness. how does she react to your lip piercing? your teeth?

build and add to the experience until she's completely overwhelmed. play with her nipples. run your nails over her skin. lift her legs and spank her.

chances are, she'll get to the point where she really needs you to fuck her. slip your tongue all the way down and inside her. if you can't breathe, you're doing it right. that means you probably won't be able to keep it up for hours, so save this move for when she's right on the edge and you're ready to let her tip over.

if you're especially lucky and she's a squirter, you will get absolutely soaked. enjoy it. show her you're enjoying it. moan into her cunt; she'll come even harder.

if she needs to be fucked harder, slip your fingers inside her cunt and curl them up towards your tongue as it circles her clit. all of her most sensitive nerves will be between your tongue and your fingers. you'll be able to feel every tiny twitch inside her; it's the most beautiful place in the world to be.

when she can truly take no more, stay close to her as you drift away from her cunt. kiss your way up her tummy and her chest, let her taste herself on your lips as you hold her and let her ride out the aftershocks. trail your fingertips over her back. whisper in her ear. tell her everything you loved about eating her out.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

winning the way i was listening to a song like alas that these very lowest bits in this tenor performance are probably juuust below my range. than i hummed sang along like oh nvm i mean totally already in my range, i got it. tessituraed right tf up

[zoologica42]

Temperate Lake Dashboard Simulator

🐦‍⬛2xcrested_cormorant Follow Going to try and eat this weird fish

♻️🐦‍⬛2xcrested_cormorant Follow wilmdlife hopital

🐸rana-bufo Follow No one can ever truly understand what BULL4rog's music means to me 😭 this song in particular argrgrgrgrgrg the way he puffs out his vocal sack asdfghjk

BULL4rog: listen here on spotify ♻️🐸rana-bufo Follow I think I huave chytrid

🐟ilikeeatingminnowsFollow I just migrated here from finstagram please be nice

🐠powerbottomfeeder Follow

I have HAD IT with this lake, it’s the third day in a row we’ve had nitrates above 8 ppm and uug the algae, my allergies I can’t do this

♻️🐟carpy-diem Follow

Lol we regularly get nitrates up to 20 ppm in my lake ♻️🦞crawdaddy Follow uhhh you shouldn't be bragging about that, it's really unsafe ♻️🐟carpy-diem Follow suck it you little oligotrophic bitch

🐢snappturt Follow Dear Tumblr, am I the Basshole for the way I catch minnows? I was chatting with some of the guys I bask with and they said the way I catch minnows is problematic; What I do is I sit on the bottom of the lake, I hide myself in the mud and I open my mouth. My tongue looks a lot like a little worm so I wiggle it around- and because of that, minnows swim over and check it out. Once they get close enough, then I bite down and eat them. Some of my rockmates have told me that this is manipulative and toxic behavior- but they also eat minnows...I don't know guys...

🦆tree hole-nester-acorn-eater Follow

is it just me, or is this super homoerotic???

🐟bigpikexxl Follow liveblogging diving down to the bottom

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow dark

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow big log

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow rock

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow kinda cold

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow oh hi @deepwatersculpin!!!

♻️🐠deepwatersculpin Follow oh hey @bigpikexxl!!!

never thought i'd seen one of my mutuals irl!!! I didn't even know we lived in the same lake!!!

🐠Shadlad Follow I'm not sorry, and I'm not afraid to say it, if you're an introduced species, go dry yourself out. You're not welcome to eat up all of our resources and live in my ancestral longs and rock crags. These things are for us to relate to and not for you to squander.

♻️🦞crevice-steve Follow

Can't believe this type of fishcourse is still popular on this site, introduced species didn't choose to be introduced and have as much of a right to live as anyone else. Bigotry against introduced species is still bigotry and that's a hill I will dry on. ♻️🐠Shadlad Follow Go ahead, dry yourself out then ;) ♻️🪷nootnootnewt Follow Hey man, I hate invasive species as much as anyone else but please stop telling people to beach themselves for political reasons- yeah that includes inavsives too ♻️🦐typical_scud Follow Did you legit just use the word Invas*ve to describe introduced species? ♻️🦢flatfootswimmer Follow anyone in this thread eat pondweed?

♻️🐟largemouthbASS Follow A colab with my mutual @2xcrested_cormorant after they got released from the wildlife hospital. They haven't been on much since the Fish and Wildlife Service released them in the wrong lake and it took them a while to get back to their colony. We hope this guide will help you avoid accidentally eating/engaging with bait!