#you can be 99 years old on your deathbed when you come out and it will still be just as valuable

[mangled-by-disuse]

Possibly worth noting the alternative side of this:

Coming out publicly was intended as a deeply political act to be undertaken as activism.

The origins of things like National Coming Out Day weren't "have a chat about your sexuality/gender on socials", they were an active and targeted campaign to be like "oh, you think this doesn't affect you? you think you don't know any gay people? you think the AIDS crisis is happening somewhere else to strangers? surprise bitch we were here in your life the WHOLE TIME"

And it was effective at that! But also: the nature of that kind of activism is that it's a decision that needs to be weighed up against the cost of doing so. Like arrestable protest actions, like whistleblowing, like holding a rally in a hostile community, there is a whole calculus in play about what it will accomplish vs. what it will cost.

Most of society, thanks to coming-out movements, does know that there are gay people in their community (we're still maybe working on trans recognition, but.) Most homophobia I've experienced is not based on "I've never met a gay", so much as "I've met gay people and it made me very uncomfortable" (or, indeed, "some of my best friends are gays, I just don't like when they shove it in my face").

This doesn't mean we should disappear, but it does shift that cost-benefit analysis from where it was in the 80s and 90s. The cost of being out in public is still high. The political benefits, while palpable, are different, and possibly less, because of the work that the previous generations have already done.

And, like arrestable actions or whistleblowing or rallies, you are allowed to decide you're not in a place to do that now. That doesn't make you a bad queer or a bad activist. It just means that you might need to turn your energy elsewhere, and that when you do that cost-benefit analysis, the cost is higher than the benefit.

Coming out is a complicated thing, but it's not what makes you queer. It's not even what makes you a queer activist. Thousands of queer people did amazing work for the community without ever publicly coming out of the closet.

It is a brave and laudable thing to come out to a hostile world that needs to be reminded that we're here, we're queer, and we won't disappear. But it's not the only thing. And not doing it does not condemn you.

In ~these times~ it is important for queer people to be reminded of what "coming out" originally meant. "Coming out" did not mean telling all of your co-workers something super stigmatized and vulnerable about you, wearing your queer status on your sleeve in public, informing the police or government institutions about your sexuality, or even telling your parents. "Coming out" meant venturing out into the queer community; being among other queers as a queer yourself.

Coming out isn't about telling the entire world when doing so is not safe for you, it's not about arming your enemies with information they could use against you. No, coming out is about making a fulfilling queer life possible for yourself through participation in the queer community. It is about escaping the restrictions and dangers of the cisgender heterosexual world by rooting oneself more deeply into the queer one.

And you can always do that. No matter how oppressed we are. No matter how much the culture shifts and policies are enacted to terrorize us. We are always able to be ourselves when we are amongst each other. And living our queerness has always been a collective social project, not just a matter of personal exposure.

[beginningobserver]

Something that keeps coming back and forth in my mind is that, since the Advverse has this concept of the digimon representing their human partner's heart (or being their "other-self")... And this can also be applied to Rui and Ukkomon, in my honest opinion.

Especially when it comes to how the human psyche also affect the evolution of a digimon, which is why you get Taichi being reckless and (according to the novel) a prideful idiot resulting in SkullGreymon back in Adventure'99 (and also why Daisuke lacking any strong negative emotion during 02 never forced him to dark-evolve V-mon)

I'm not very good at meta-ing things like these, so please feel free to correct me if I'm missing something out!

To start this meta-post, i'd like to remember a few details from Rui's backstory:

His dad was extremely sick and on a deathbed status;

His mother was basically doing everything to keep everything in control, to keep his dad alive and to raise Rui at the same time, so she was constantly under stress;

Despite her being under stress all the time, she seemed to not understand Rui at all. She would just snap at a 4 year old (!!) when he didn't do things the way she expected him to do. She never had patience to explain stuff, and just wanted Rui to act like a grown up already;

In a very not-so-subtle scene, we see that Rui has a ton of bruises potentially implying she hit him countless times for not "obeying" her orders;

She also claimed that Rui "never kept his promises" and assumed things like "I made burger steaks, your favorite!" without even asking if Rui really liked those.

There's also a few hints that she never heard him at all, which escalated into Rui never being able to voice his own needs, the things he liked and hated, and to just accept anything offered to him without hesitation in order to not get hit by disagreeing;

Also, thanks to that he just seemed to be very obedient and did not even argued with the 02 group when Daisuke dragged him back and told "we're already involved here!" and then had to politely cooperate with them. The only good outcome from this was that he simply learned his own part of the problem and managed to solve it... even if later that year he was being quite paranoid about what happened and got dragged into the Dark Ocean.

You see, Rui had a very... troublesome backstory which contributed to a doomed relationship with Ukkomon and then assuming that everyone with a digimon is his fault and that now everyone was fated to an awful life of their digimon fighting til the death to protect them.

Ukkomon also reflects all of Rui's problems too, he has enough parallels with both Rui and Rui's mom (the latter at least in a scene), and Rui's whole narrative could've been affected by Rui's psyche and making him mix his grief and anger by reaching this part of his backstory again.

The thing is... Rui was basically continuing the abusive parenting he had been suffering before Ukkomon appeared. His whole version of the story tries to frame Ukkomon as the bad guy, someone who stepped in and deceived him this whole time. It's not different from Rui's mom accusing Rui to never keep his promises, and then hitting him for not doing what she asked in the exact way she expected him to do. (ma'am HE'S JUST FOUR YEARS OLD can you chill please!!?)

The 02 kids siding with Ukkomon does not mean they were invalidating Rui's feelings -- something that i saw people be quite uncomfortable with it previously, especially about Hikari's line re: Ukkomon -- none of them put the blame on him or did the same awful things his mom did, they all pointed out the flaws in his judgement and in a respectful way.

But back to Ukkomon... In the movie and Drama CD we realize a few traits he shared with Rui:

He also lacks social skills and talking with others, I suspect he never had contact with other digimon if he's directly linked to a "big entity" as he told Rui (and at the end of the movie this sole information is confirmed because whoever is linked to Ukkomon realized that the digivices were not needed anymore because humans and digimon can form strong bonds without those devices);

He has the tendency to take the blame and run away (Rui had been running away from his own problems as well);

Ukkomon being quite insensitive and lacking awareness of what's morally accepted in the human world is what led Rui to finally show a trait he had in common with his mom: He can be quite violent when triggered.

Yes, I used the right word: Rui gets really triggered when Ukkomon misinterpreted his desire of having friends and "people like me" and then says he wished for all of those. Rui is right there sitting watching a news report of the events from the movie "Revenge of Diablomon", which takes place in March 25-26, 2003 in the timeline.

By saying "It's what you wished for", Ukkomon immediately hit a very awful sore point in Rui, and resulted in their pettiest ugly spat. Note that in this scene, Rui definitely attacks Ukkomon at first, just like his mom would do every time he disobeyed her. But then, he stops and starts trying to break the digivice instead, since he either had no courage to kill Ukkomon, or he was still believing Ukkomon was some sort of "god-tier" like digimon.What i mean is that Rui really had the same destructive and violent behavior his mom had.

And this is also present in Ukkomon's final form.

His final form, BigUkkomon, connects to Rui's anger and sorrowful state (because, BigUkkomon's main attack is swinging its countless, supermassive tentacles, crushing and gouging targets over a vast range -- according to the Bandai/null lore profile.)

Another thing about Ukkomon himself is that the scene of him giving his eye to Rui in order to "fix" a mistake can be read as Ukkomon simply destroying himself (literally!) in order to keep Rui smiling and happy, which there's a few suspicion that Rui being all bubbly and smiling in the very first scene he, Ken and Daisuke witness by themselves in-movie meant that he wasn't exactly happy and just repressing a ton of frustration and sorrowful in order to not make his mom angry, and him never voicing his own needs was his own "self-destructive" manner to trying to keep her "happy" and perhaps not "worried".

But that's my own interpretation ok.

[stop-him]

The Sun is the Same in a Relative Way, But:

On December 14, 2020, I woke up feeling feverish. Later that day, a test revealed that it was not the flu I had, but Covid-19.

My symptoms were mild: a fever that wobbled from 99 to 103 and back, and a general lethargy. At no point did I have any kind of difficulty that made me feel my life was in danger. I didn’t even have a cough. Ten days later the fever went away, and I seem to have recovered fully, with no indication of lasting effects.

Even so, when the doctor handed me the papers and said, “you’re positive for Covid”, there was that little thought in the back of my head – “oh crap. Is this it? Am I going to be one of the ones that have their lungs turn into useless wet sacks?” After all, I’m in my 50s. People far younger and healthier than myself have died from this thing.

The point of this is not to wring any kind of sympathy from my illness – obviously I survived, and luckily ducked the worst possible effects. But that initial uncertainty brought home something that’s been eating at me for a while now.

Let’s face it: Odds are, I have more years behind me than ahead of me. And if the virus had killed me? All the characters in my head, all the stories about those characters I want to tell, all the music I want to record, but haven’t, yet – all that would have died with me.

Had you asked me thirty years ago what I thought I would be doing at this point, I would have said I would be a writer of comic books, and a musician on the side. Somehow, I figured, I would “break into” comics, starting in small indies and maybe working my way up to mainstream superhero comics, and from there launch into my big epic space fantasy story, having proved myself as a worthy writer, one able to attract competent artistic partners to draw my story for me, because drawing is a difficult pain in the ass. On the side, I would be making strange music, gathering a small cult following – certainly not anything like a rock star, but maybe doing well enough in my own niche to keep things self-sustaining.

Do you recognize my name? No? That’s because none of what I just described has happened. I haven’t broken into any significant comics work. Small things published here and there. Did some lettering work for a few comics. Some coloring. This and that. Had a few opportunities – many were with shaky and unreliable operations who evaporated into nothing before anything could be done. Some things didn’t work out because I messed up, or my equipment failed. Cold submissions to comics companies are one of the most difficult ways to get work for a writer, and I’ve never come even close to working for any major comics publisher.

You may have heard stories from various kinds of artists about how they held down two jobs and put themselves through school and managed to work on their art, and good for them. Sadly, I have not been constructed that way. Since I did not spend my school time learning how to be a CPA, I have been working for most of my life at not-great-paying light industrial kinds of jobs. I get by – but I spend my workday doing physical labor, which drains my energy and stamina and leaves me with not a lot to spare when I have any time to try to create anything.

I have managed to make some music, ranging from abstract soundscapes to somewhat more accessible electronica, but either I suck at promoting my stuff (quite possible) or it just sucks and hardly anyone likes it (also quite possible). No cult following has materialized – no following at all, in fact.

As I have aged, and failed to meet any of my youthful goals, my sense of unhappiness with my artistic achievements has put a further hamper on my efforts – it’s difficult to muster a lot of energy towards doing the hard work of creating, when there’s a fairly strong voice in your head saying “why bother? Nobody’s going to care about anything you do, just like the last few decades.” I’ve lived into an age where it’s ridiculously easy to publish your work online, compared to when I was younger, and also easy to get lost and ignored in the sheer crush of material competing for attention, and I simply haven’t been able to make it.

I hate New Year’s resolutions – I never manage to fulfill them, and the very concept then hangs over my head, another reminder of failure and years slipping away, like a Pink Floyd song. Which has the risk of becoming dreadfully maudlin, laid out in text like this, but I need to take a sober assessment of where I am, right now.

Because I think I would really fucking hate it if I were on my deathbed, whether from the next iteration of Covid or just old age, knowing that the big story I’ve been forming in my head since I was in junior high was just going to go into oblivion with the rest of me.

My original plan was to become successful, and if not famous, at least respected enough that I could hire competent people to draw this story. Well, that didn’t happen, and I certainly don’t have the money to hire artists for that kind of long-term work. I also don’t care to share the rights to a story that’s been in my head for decades with any prospective artist that might decide to bug out after 20 pages.

So that leaves me, and my own powers of illustration, which are, to put it generously, mixed. I simply have not put in the kind of effort that others have in developing my drawing skills, in part because I wasn’t planning on needing them that much, and also just because I haven’t had the time. And so here we are: I can draw the comic myself, or just go entirely text, which I’d rather not do.

I should – should – get off my can and make this comic, regardless of skill (or lack thereof), regardless of whether there’s any reward for the extraordinary effort it would take to do it. I should do it because the alternative is to never have it expressed.

I just don’t know yet if I can. But it might be time to find out.

[bughead-fic-request]

I would like to thank @leaalda for making these amazing banners.

This is an effort to spread the word about all fan fiction writers in our little fandom. If you would like to be featured or nominate a writer, please contact me. Please reblog this post if you can and check out some of @gellbellshead work!

1. First things first, if someone wanted to read your stories where can they find them.

My stories can be found on my tumblr and my Ao3 account.

2. Tell us a little about yourself.

I am a 32 year old social worker from Australia who enjoys writing in my spare time. I also love reading, colouring, photography and painting. I adore cats and have two of my own.

3. What do you never leave home without?

My keys or phone.

4. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

I HATE early mornings, I was a complete night owl in my younger days but cannot manage much past about 1.00am these days. But definitely more of a night owl than an early bird.

5. If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?

Not really a fictional world as such but I would love to work in the Brooklyn 99 office, it looks like a hoot.

6. Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met.

I have not really met any famous people. The closest I have gotten is meeting the hosts of a gaming show that used to air over here, until it got cancelled. I got completely tongue tied and nervous so it is probably a good thing that I haven’t met anyone famous. Would probably just embarrass myself.

7. What are some of your favorite movies/TV?

TV: Riverdale (obvs), American Gods, The Handmaid’s Tale, Brooklyn 99, Broadchurch, Misfits, Game of Thrones and Utopia (UK).

Movies: The Lobster, Inception, The Batman Trilogy (Nolan), The Breakfast Club, Stardust, Some Kind of Wonderful, and my guilty pleasure Shaft.

8. What are some of your favorite bands/musicians?

Nothing But Thieves, Temper Trap, Birds of Tokyo, End of Fashion, Years and Years, Muse, HAIM, Peking Duk.

9. Favorite Books?

The Stand by Stephen King, We Were Liars by E.Lockhart, The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness, Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, The Lunar Chonicles by Marissa Myer and The Girl With All The Gifts by M.R Carey ,

10. Favorite Food?

Burgers, I love a good burger and will travel great distance for one if need be. For sweet stuff it would be trifle.

11. Biggest pet peeve?

People being late. Drives me crazy. Worse is when you are getting a lift with the late person and you just wish they would hurry their ass up.

12. What did you want to be when you were little? What do you want to be now?

I wanted to be a lawyer and on reflection I would have been a terrible one. The job I am doing now is the job I wanted when I first graduated from university and I am very lucky to get to do my job every day. Even though sometimes I feel completely drained and hate it.

13. What are your biggest fears? Do you have any strange fears?

I am scared of clowns. Petrfied, which my co-workers think is hilarious. Last time I went on leave I came back to hidden pictures scattered around my desk, in my files and in the work car. They are evil, evil people. I don’t think it is a strange fear. Being afraid of clowns is 100% justified. I am currently worried everytime I go to the cinema that they will show a trailer for IT which I have so far managed to avoid no matter how many times YouTube or Facebook tries to get me to watch it.

14. When you are on your deathbed what would be the one you’d regret not doing?

Not travelling the world when I was younger and did not have adult commitments. I wish I hadn’t been quite so focused on my education of career in the search for stability and just lived a little more before I sort of settled.

Okay… lets talk about your writing!

15. Which is your favorite of the fics you've written for the Bughead fandom?

It is such a hard, hard, choice, I love most of them for different reasons. Although I look back at some of my earlier fics and cringe a little. I think my favourite would be The Social Worker AU series as it is something that is fun, has a lot of my real world experiences in it and is the closest to my heart.

16. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

What Fools These Mortals Be, has definitely been my biggest challenge writing wise. Writing a multichapter is so daunting and trying to keep the plot straight in my head as well as getting stuck while writing has been really hard. Thankfully I have my beta @jandjsalmon to keep me on the straight and narrow and help me work through the plot stumbling blocks. Also the angst in this story has driven my crazy and seemingly taken on a life of it’s own.

17. How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? Do you people watch? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?

I get a lot of ideas for stories while driving in my car, which is a little inconvenient at times ‘cause there is no where to write down the ideas. I also love accepting prompts as it challenges me to write something that I normally wouldn’t or to interpret the prompt in a way that is specific to me.

18. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

I have always, always wanted to write a supernatural AU but don’t think I would be capable of providing enough back story or develop the world in such a way that it would be believable or interesting to the reader.

19. Least favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

Writing a Betty that is romantically interested in Archie has been hell. Everytime I write a chapter for What Fools These Mortals be if there is a delay it is usually because I am stuck trying to write a Betty/Archie scene. They are not my fave to write.

20. Favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

The first kiss between Betty and Jughead in my The After Party fic. I had not written a kissing scene is so long and I felt that this one really turned out well and that the tension between the two and their perspectives were well captured.

21.Favorite character to write?

Um, Kevin!!! I love Kevin so, so, so much and he is a lot of fun to write. I love the snarky, yet helpful loving best friend and for me this is Kevin. If there is an opportunity for me to include him in a Bughead story he will be there.

22. Favorite line or lines of dialogue that you've written?

This comes from a recent one shot that I wrote called Let It Burn:

“She would threaten to leave him again and Jughead just prayed that she loved him enough to take him with her.”

This is some foreshadowing of Gladys leaving the Jones family and only taking JB with her. I think the idea of this past version of Jughead questioning his mum’s love for him and care feeds into what happens on the show and I just thought it was kind of powerful in that way.

23. Best comment/review you’ve ever received?

This was recently from @Wescorehearts, she said that my writing made her feel better and I think that really really touched me, to think that my writing could actually make someone feel better is a real honour. There is also a reviewer on Ao3 called Verklempt who most times will comment on my stories but I have no idea who they are. But their reviews always make me laugh. So just in case they see this, Thanks.

24. How do you handle bad reviews or comments?

I’ve never actually had one. But I suppose it depends on if it someone just being nasty for the sake of it or whether it is constructive and a well thought out opinion. In that case I would just acknowledge their opinion, thank them for it and if I can learn from it I would do so. I have had a few comments where an editing mistake has been pointed out which is really helpful cause I do a lot of my own editing and so then I can go back and fix it.

25. If you could change anything in any of your stories, what would it be?

Hmm I think I probably wouldn’t have written the epilogue After the After Party. I did really like where that story finished originally but I had a plot bunny that wouldn’t let go but when I re-read that story I just feel it doesn’t fit so well with the original story.

26. What is your favorite story you’ve ever written? Any fandom?

This is such a hard, hard choice and I think it changes depending on my mood. But I think I would have to say The After Party.

27. What are you reading right now? Both fan fiction and general fiction?

Fanfiction: (I am so behind on my fanfiction reading it is ridiculous, and I keep finding and losing new stories but here are a few that I am subscribed to)

- For a Good Time Call Betty by @mothermaple.

- The Stacks by @malmo722

- Say My Name by Endless Day Dreamin

- Make it Work by @raptorlily

- If I Can’t Have You by @wheninriverdale

- Ever Since New York by @allskynostars

And I’m not really reading any general fiction at the moment, but just finished Battle Royale by Houshan Takami which I really enjoyed.

28. Do you have an advice for writers that want to get into this fandom but might be scared?

Don’t be scared. This is honestly the most supportive fandom that I have ever had the pleasure of being a part of. Everyone is so supportive of each other and helping each other improve and be proud of their work. Plus if you never try you never know.

[crescentmoonhills]

Psychological. Second try at writing

Friday morning. The last time I would have to hear my alarm, well, until Monday. I turn off the buzzing of the alarm but I know the buzz wouldn’t stop. It never did. Countless whispers, quiet and scratchy like a mouse in the wall grating at my soul. Going ceaselessly louder and louder by the day. Begging, pleading, crying, screaming, screeching and— "Shut up, shut up." I whispered to myself, climbing out of bed. I go downstairs to start making coffee. The office has a Keurig machine, but I have always thought you couldn't beat a pot of coffee in the morning. I step outside to smoke my first one of the day.

I put a cigarette to my lips, light it, and without even looking up, I know the neighbors are judging me. I know everyone is. I know all too well. A washed-up author with not a single book to his name—no, a 35 year old unemployed man left behind by his wife, friends, and even families. Give applause to the one and only, Mr. Ernst Klein. Heh. I could hear them speaking from here. Mumbling, whispering, hushing, and gossiping. Ignore it, Ernst. Ignore it. They have enough reasons to do so and you are used to it anyway. I took a deep drag down to the end and threw it on the ground. Figured if I’m going to end myself might as well make it enjoyable. I go in, grab a cup of coffee, took a book, and return to the patio.

****

At the altar she prayed. Sending her prayer to The Almighty Creator. The oldest and most heartless of gods. The creator of the Nine Great Gods and the world as she knows it. The one who had created her and her fate. The one who had sent her on to this holy mission of hers. The one who had given her, friends and companions. The one who had given her, families. The one who had given her, the love of her life. Also the one who had blessed her with a beautiful daughter and a charming son. Yet, He is also the one who took them all away. He took from her, her friends, companions, families, lover, and her precious children. However, she never faltered. She knows that everything her Creator did must have a reason and He had yet to abandon her and her world, she didn’t care if everyone around her thought she was insane. Through her incessant sobbing, she prayed, and prayed, and prayed again. She pushed her calls as hard as she could into the voids of her mind in hoping they would make it out to her one and only Creator.

“Please bring them back… they’re my everything”

****

Reading has, for as long as I could remember, always been my hobby. It lets me escape from this cruel reality that I live in and all the problems that follows it. Escapism. I know. It won’t solve anything but at least it helps me cope with it. Please bring them back… they’re my everything. I mean, not everyone could face their problems head-on, no, no. Not everyone… are that brave. At least I know I’m a coward. If running away from my problems and live my whole life in peace is being a coward then yes, I gladly accept being a coward.

I looked down at the book that I randomly took from the piles of lined papers and moldy writings which I had proudly called my bookcase. I looked at it and there it was, a novel with my name arrogantly printed on it. Sigh. Out of all books. It was a book that I had written myself. Please bring them back… they’re my everything. I had abandoned this story years ago because it wasn’t quite well received. Monotone, uninteresting, unnecessarily long, unoriginal, mediocre, lackluster, and the compliments goes on. None of my books are well received actually. No. None of them, and so I finished writing none of it.

****

It called to me that day as it does now.

Whispering.

Yearning.

Promising.

Promising of a world torn apart by fire, divine and nuclear, all encompassing and devastating our planet. Such is the will of the Creator. So I obey.

“I hope it gets bet—” A shaky voice barely comes out of my mouth only to be interrupted. “Cough!” I coughed so hard it felt like my lungs were to come out. I looked down at my hands and I see blood. Sigh. I guess I don’t have much to live anymore. A couple weeks probably? No? A couple months? Well like Engels used to say life keeps going like a menstrual keeps flowing hahah. Smiling as I thought to myself. I hope it gets better. I really do. The clicking of the Geiger counter is my only friend now. Ever since the factory exploded it seems to be going higher and higher by the day. Every step feels excruciatingly painful, but I keep walking.

I miss Engels, I miss Immanuel, I even miss that cocky playboy Jean. Dog tags clinking in my hand. Geiger counter clicking faster and faster. It’s ok. The temple is close now. We’ll be there any minute now. C’mon Pascal you can do it!” I thought as I continued to shamble about but fate has other plans I guess. I was a couple feet away from the temple when I realized it. I was surrounded by reavers. “Give me all your food, kid! I know you factoryborns have a lot o’ them luxury canned foods!” Yelled one of the reavers. “Forget it boss just kill ‘em and we could sell his meat to the carvers for extra foods”. That night, the snows were colored red.

God forgive me. I couldn’t bring my friends to rest. I prayed as I breathe my last.

“What did we do to deserve this?”

****

While I read, I hear a voice. What did we do to deserve this? No, not the usual voice, those gritty, harsh, and dry calls were still there. They were always there but I had learned to ignore them. Instead I focused on a more vivid voice. One that said, “Will you be able to come?”. I looked up, and saw Karen. I grumbled, annoyed that she had interrupted me. “Fuck away will you, Karen,” I said. What did we do to deserve this?

“I’m not going to your fucking baby shower.”

Karen sighed, “Look, I know you don’t like him, but he’s still your brother, Ernst—”

“I don’t care whether or not he’s my brother, Karen. I just don’t want to waste my time.”

“Family bonding is not wasting time, Ernst. It’s a tradition! And considering your situation you might need it now more than ever.” Karen yelled.

“Tradition is just peer pressure from the dead, Karen.” Please bring them back… they’re my everything.

“Why are you being so stubborn, Ernst?”

“I see no point in pleasing the dead” I said. What did we do to deserve this?

“Is that why you didn’t visit dad when he’s laying on his deathbed?” I grit my teeth. Please bring them back… they’re my everything.

“He asked to see his son at least once before he died and yet you never came. You didn’t even come to his funeral!”

“I have reasons, Karen! I’m sure dad will understand and he would forgive me! I did what he would’ve wanted me to do and that is doing my responsibilities!!”

“The way I see it It’s better for you to go and make up with your brother rather than locking yourself in that room you call your office. You don’t have anything better to do anyway.” Please bring them back… they’re my everything.

“I do have things to do, Karen! I’m an author. Writing is my responsibility!” I hollered “It’s unbearable, Karen. I can’t leave them alone.” so I said as I’m sharply sucking a breath. What did we do to deserve this? “I— I just can’t. Enough! You wouldn’t understand.”

She sighed and patiently asked “Just do me a favor and come will you?”

“Sorry, I have better things to do,” I said shortly, and went inside the house.

****

The colony's inhabitants were gathered in a large auditorium. They were laughing and smiling no less than an hour ago. The auditorium was safe and impenetrable yet also serves as a prison in which none can escape. The door was sealed from the outside. Through a thick window covered in scratch marks, Commander Alexei could see decaying bodies in red jump suits. Some were holding others in one last embrace. Others were apparently trying to escape through some sort of vent, with little luck.

“Commander?” Hadrian, the only member of the crew who knows about the program, asked “Is there really no other option?”

On the desk were a stack of journals, each marked with dates ranging from 3010 to 3075.

“It’s been years—no, decades since the last reply from Earth, Hadrian” he said while wiping a gun. It was an unusual gun. A very ancient one which dates back to the late 1800. It’s very unique to say the least. It was a type of gun called a revolver. It’s a single-action, cartridge-firing, top break revolver. Fires a type of projectile called bullets. Uses no energy cartridge, no focusing lens, and forget fusion core reactor, there’s not even a normal fission core reactor. It uses gunpowder and pressure instead. Ignition fills the barrel with gas thus increase the pressure and push the bullet out. An effective and cheap way to kill. How interesting, when killing is involved people really do anything to improve, thought Alexei as he fills the cylinder with bullets.

“Thus, I am forced to conclude the worst: we lost the nuclear war, and our nation and families are destroyed. Even this failsafe colony will not be enough to keep us alive. Instead, we will all die of dehydration. Faced with that consequence, I had no choice but to exercise Protocol 99 and terminate the colony in a quick and relatively painless way.” He had no other choice. His nation was dubbed as evil simply because they had a different political view. And so the others waged war. War don’t need a concrete reason anyway, as long as they see profits and merits in it men would jump on it the second they got the chance to. Who gets to decide morals anyway? Who are them to say that my country is evil? Are we evil for defending our beliefs? Am I a villain for defending my country and families? No one gets to decides evil and just. Only god can do that and the fact that this happens means that there is no god in this world, thought Alexei.

I’m sorry, comrades. Your screams…. your screams will haunt me even after I take my own life. Alexei points the gun at his own head and Hadrian follow suit. “I will see you later, Sir” nods Hadrian. “Commander Alexei, retiring from duty. Should humanity ever rise from the ashes and return to the red planet, know that we tried. Long Live The Union”. Alexei closed his eyes and prayed for the first time in his life. The page was spattered with small flecks of blood.

“God is not real after all. There are no free will”

****

I hated writing. What did we do to deserve this? No, I don’t hate it, what I hated was the responsibility that came with it. God is not real. There are no free will. Despite my mediocre talent in writing, I loved to write, I really did but all of my stories had a dark twist. What did we do to deserve this? I loved writing stories with a dark twist but I wish I had known any better. Oh, how I wished I had. What did we do to deserve this? I’m not sure when it started but it was there, always, unending, ceaseless and incessant. Please bring them back… they’re my everything. The whispers— no, should I call it prayers instead? Yes, prayers. God is not real. There are no free will. What started as one… became two, and that became more and more as it got louder.  God is not real. There are no free will. They got so loud that I decided to stab both of my eardrums with my pen. Yet they still wouldn’t stop coming. What did we do to deserve this?

God is not real. There are no free will. As they got louder I heard words. Please bring them back… they’re my everything. I hear men, women and children all pray to escape from the wicked world they live in. They prayed for a better fate than what was destined. God is not real. There are no free will. A better life. Alas, their world is but a page, empty and nonsensical. Their fate is determined by the splotches of inks, a fate that will never receive closure. Please bring them back… they’re my everything. And lastly, their life is in the hands of an irresponsible and incompetent god who revels in the suffering of the lives that he himself had created.

The stories with the most details are the worst. God is not real. There are no free will. Villains, broken and enraged at the uncaring god that made their lives the way they are. What did we do to deserve this? Victims, suffering from the polluted and corrupted world created only for the sake of a more exciting plot. Please bring them back… they’re my everything. Protagonists, wept in silence as their fate forces them to fight and struggle in their abandoned and callous world while losing both everyone they loved and their only purpose in life. What did we do to deserve this? I heard more and more voices, pleas, and cries for help came for every single day, hour, minute, and seconds. God is not real. There are no free will. Surely I’m going crazy. Maybe I isolated myself too much. What did we do to deserve this? That has to be it. I isolated myself to work so much that I’m losing it. Please bring them back… they’re my everything. Yet, I have to write still. No matter how many years it will take. I will end it all. I’m the one who started it and I will be the one who ended it. Please bring them back… they’re my everything. I’m responsible for them. Yes, it’s my responsibility. And so I write. I wept and I write. God is not real. There are no free will. What did we do to deserve this? Please bring them back… they’re my everything.

[bobbystompy]

My Top 127 Songs Of 2018

Previously: 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

Not the most ever... just the second most ever. The record of 132 stands. I hope it is never broken.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track

Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes 122 of the 127 songs

Well?

/grins

127) B.o.B - “Food Fight”

Some triplet rap, pretty boring, and I have no idea what this song is supposed to be. But the “Food of the WiFi” part makes me laugh, and I always picture my buddy Matto singing it to his eye rolling wife (even though I’m pretty sure he’s never heard the song before).

126) French Montana f/ Drake - “No Stylist”

This song sucks -- even Drake can’t save it. French Montana is cancer except you don’t get to die.

125) 21 Savage - “Monster”

Not a huge Savage guy, but the Gambino verse helps.

124) The Kooks - “All The Time”

Kind of a lazy chorus, but it’s aight.

123) Sean Paul f/ Jhené Aiko - “Naked Truth”

Love Aiko, have never cared for Paul... but the collab weirdly works.

122) REASON - “Summer Up”

My buddy Josh sent this one, and it’s got the warm vibes. Money stretch:

P asked me is REASON still workin', shit N***a, is Amber Rose still twerkin', gold diggers still flirtin' horny teens still jerkin', all my exes still lurkin' black lives still hurtin', black lives still hurtin'?

121) Nipsey Hussle f/ YG - “Last Time That I Checc’d”

B’s vs. C’s. And a beat that sounds like DJ Mustard combined with ‘90s G-funk. Also, YG’s bandanna scarf is just very cute.

120) Thrice - “Only Us”

Weirdly, another reds and blues music video. But this time, it’s kids at a summer camp. This could absolutely be used by networks as a pump up song for sporting events.

119) Anderson .Paak f/ Kendrick Lamar - “TINTS”

Anderson .Paak -- ohhhh, that dot will always annoy me -- really does not make bad songs. Kung Fu Kenny fits right in, and it’s a very easy hit-the-spot driving song.

118) Mr Hudson f/ Vic Mensa - “Coldplay”

A serious song that uses an emotional reliance on Coldplay to take objective shots at Coldplay, which is pretty hilarious. Vic’s verse is good (”I lost my Queen poppin’ Ace of Spades at King of Diamonds ... I hate Coldplay”).

117) Logic f/ Wu-Tang Clan - “Wu Tang Forever”

Long cypher song. If you care about hip-hop, you probably know Drake also released a song called “Wu-Tang Forever” five years ago (which featured no members of Wu-Tang). There was talk of a remix -- RZA even recently said he wished they did -- but Inspectah Deck articulated why it didn’t happen back then:

“When I finally got to hear the song, I was more or less like, ‘Wow, I thought it was a tribute song like, it would be in respect of all eight members,'” Deck said. “And when I heard it, it was about a girl.”

You can just sense the colossal and spiritual disappointment.

Well, this one is more about fire than females; you’ll shout “Wu-Tang” proudly at least once. My MVP verse is Ghostface.

116) Jhené Aiko f/ Rae Sremmurd - “Sativa”

Rae Sremmurd* still sound like little kids to me. Conversely, Jhené Aiko is all that is woman.

(* - never knew they were brothers until just now)

115) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs - “First Time”

Sam Coffey first got on my radar with The Clash-sounding song “Talk 2 Her”. This is less of that and more, like, ‘80s hair metal. It’s almost hard to tell if this is sincere or parody. The video absolutely does not take itself seriously.

114) Saves The Day - “Kerouac & Cassady”

Always been impressed with the very unthreatening Chris Conley’s ability to create such sinister, dark, and menacing imagery. This maybe has the most bleak closing line of any of these songs.

113) 5 Seconds Of Summer - “Youngblood”

This is what Fall Out Boy tries to sound like with their new stuff... but they just suck so bad now.

112) She Killed In Ecstasy - “Dissension (Gold)”

I remembered this being a dope instrumental before totally forgetting about the just-as-awesome vocals; great band name, too. Recommended by my friends Jim and Bill over brunch after taking in their show at Subterranean in Chicago the previous night. This could be the closing theme for a critically acclaimed TV show.

111) Night Birds - “My Dad Is The BTK”

Straightforward, bratty punk rock that promotes snitching (if you’re sure it’s for the right reasons).

110) The Decemberists - “Once In My Life”

Why does such an outwardly melancholy song still feel so damn uplifting? Probably the video. They have a long statement attached on YouTube, so for sure peep if this catches your interest.

109) Mad Caddies - “She’s Gone”

Here we have a straight up reggae cover of NOFX. Sometimes I don’t think I like this song at all, but it might just be hard to separate it from the original; almost wish it was possible to go in with a clean slate. Maybe you can on my behalf?

108) Rivers Cuomo - “Two Broken Hearts”

Would you rather not know the video uses Bitmojis or the pre-chorus promotes two different ice cream brands before the song ends?

107) XXXTENTACION - “Train food”

This song is intense; gave me memories of listening to Kendrick’s “The Art of Peer Pressure”. X not surviving 2018 makes it that much more haunting.

106) Kanye West & Lil Pump f/ Adele Givens - “I Love It”

Not sure why, in his most embattled year yet, Kanye decided to be a part of such a derogatory song towards women. Listening to it makes me feel bad. And sure, the MAGA imagery will be what we think of when we think of 2018 Yeezy, but this picture shouldn’t be too far off either.

Shark: jumped.

105) New Lenox - “Do You Think We Made The Most Of Those New Years Eves”

That is a very long song title. But not as long as the time since passed on this reflection of the final night of the year, over a decade now gone. But even though he’s looking back, you know Chris Trott gets to hit reset at the end of the night, whether it’s December 31st or January 1st. And when NYE hits again, whether you return to the same party in the same place or a different experience in a totally different hemisphere, celebrating something is what makes this all matter.

(Full disclosure: yours truly has a minor backup vocal part in the outro)

104) Jeff Tweedy - “Having Been Is No Way To Be”

This for sure made it on the list because of the “And if I was dead, what difference would it ever make to them?” line, but upon closer scrutiny, the “And I’m sorry when you wake up to me” line is even more crushing.

103) Panic! At The Disco - “Dying In LA”

Brendon Urie’s voice is so polished and full. This song is him in complete control, and he knows it too (the “Dyin’ in LA” falsetto part at the end of the chorus is... probably not necessary).

102) Sugarland f/ Taylor Swift - “Babe”

Though Taylor’s impact in the music video is significantly stronger than her impact in the actual song, it’s still rock solid country. Or... country solid country?

/curtsies

101) ZHU & Tame Impala - “My Life”

This song has such a dancy cool on the power of its instrumentation; really doesn’t need vocals at all.

100) Kidd Russell & Southside Jake - “Slow Motion”

The poppiest SSJ has ever sounded. This is his best song to date. I’m not so sure if “Shots kill the butterflies” is an actual expression, but it should be.

99) Hop Along - “What The Writer Meant”

Hot damn, what a voice. This song is beauty in our not-often-beautiful world.

98) Retirement Party - “That’s How People Die”

This reminds me of a female fronted version of the departed Modern Baseball. Eager to see how they develop and definitely plan on checking their Audiotree session soon.

97) Lil Peep - “Sex With My Ex”

It’s... really good, you guys. The grimy nihilism of the “Fuck me like we’re lying on our deathbed” is palpable. It’s impossible not to think of the heights Peep would have almost definitely hit had he not passed. Also, super interesting tidbit on how the album got posthumously made:

Lil Peep died of an accidental drug overdose last November [2017] at 21. Afterward, attention turned to his computer. First, it went to London, where the files were backed up by First Access Entertainment, the company that helped guide his career.

Then it went to his mother, Liza Womack. In an interview in her cozy Long Island home, sitting on a nondescript couch that belonged to Peep and was shipped cross-country after his death, she calmly recalled walking into an Apple store, handing the laptop to a clerk, and saying: “My son died. This is him. Take this and put it on a new one.”

96) Kurt Vile - “Bassackwards”

I was on the beach, but I was thinkin’ about the bay

This has Kurt Vile’s signature laid back-ness (good) but also has a 9:46 track length (VERY VERY BAD). I’m not saying it has to be even four minutes long... but, like, could you have given us seven, KV? All of that aside, it really doesn’t slog at all despite mostly staying the same the whole time. Though I still can’t stop thinking about how much shorter it should be.

95) Christine And The Queens - “Doesn’t matter”

Kinda ‘80s pop sounding. Also, there’s a foreign accent there. British maybe?

/googles

French! Even better.

94) Brendan Kelly And The Wandering Birds - “Shitty Margarita”

Wish the drums were louder, BK.

93) Courtney Barnett - “Nameless, Faceless”

Barnett does not fuck around with her chorus/old adage:

I wanna walk through the park in the dark Men are scared that women will laugh at them I wanna walk through the park in the dark Women are scared that men will kill them

This type of perspective, down to the description of how she has to hold her keys in a way your average dude might not think about, remains so crucial as we all hope to continue to better understand each other.

92) Jeff Rosenstock - “Powerlessness”

Meet me at the Polish bar I'll be the one looking at my phone Shaking like a nervous kid Absolutely terrified of being alone

...it doesn’t sound how it reads. All of his skittish energy fuels this fist pumping jam. And don’t miss the guitar solo.

91) Charli XCX - “5 In The Morning”

Pretty standard fare pop song, but Charli makes it cooler and better than if the average person jumped on.

90) Pinegrove - “Darkness”

Gonna be honest: it was nearly impossible to listen to Pinegrove in 2018 without thinking of the sexual coercion accusations from the previous year. Jenn Pelly’s long ass piece really did nothing to help matters. So because of all this, I listened to their new album “Skylight” wayyyyy less than originally anticipated. The few times -- really maybe ‘time’ in all actuality -- I was able to separate the story from the songs, it definitely became enjoyable. This has head clearing guitar leads and a lyric straight outta Sublime’s “Garden Grove”.

89) Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson - “Bad Dreams”

Brooding, nighttime, driving; good ingredients for a successful duet.

88) Meek Mill f/ Rick Ross & JAY Z - “What’s Free”

Now, if I’m Rick Ross, I spend my entire career avoiding any situation where people can compare me to Biggie. But since Rick Ross is Rick Ross, he went with the opposite plan. This is his (to my knowledge) second reimagined Biggie song*, and... it’s... it’s rough. I mean, how far can you take it with the line “Mona Lisa, to me, ain't nothin' but a b***h” and end with a gay slur. Pass.

But we also have the GOAT. In classic Jay fashion, he spits a lot of good words, you know it’s complex, and there’s no way to process it without more listens. And yes, the immediate brand checks are super annoying, but he pushes through and delivers some bars:

They gave us pork and pig intestines Shit you discarded that we ingested, we made the project a wave You came back, reinvested and gentrified it Took n****s' sense of pride, now how that's free?

When he finishes, the song itself ends, and we have one of the more long and uneven Jay cameos ever put on wax. It’s, like, a 5-star B-.

(* -  the first being 2014′s “Nobody”, a take off “You’re Nobody [Til Somebody Kills You]”, featuring French Montana, which spawned an all-time Rap Radar comment, “If someone killed French, he’d still be a nobody”; I will bring it up with the most minor of segues for the rest of my life)

87) Red City Radio - “In The Shadows”

I tend to prefer Red City Radio playing more uptempo, but they drag us down to a slower speed for this one. This centers around the cryptic “I show no fear when I know that the devil’s here” line, and the guitar solo is definitely overqualified for the genre.

86) Kanye West - “Yikes”

/cracks knuckles

The song: banging chorus, solid beat, lyrics meh. Of course it was the song he got Drake for, because it’s the only one on his solo release that vaguely resembled a hit.

The album: Calling “ye” bad is a little unfair, but the best and realest description is sadder: it’s Kanye’s most inessential record. It was forgettable at best and cringeworthy/offensive at worst. The one about his daughter was particularly appalling:

Don't do no yoga, don't do pilates Just play piano and stick to karate I pray your body's draped more like mine And not like your mommy's

This doesn’t even get into the entirely warped mental health takes that I’m not nearly qualified enough to address.

Kanye himself: Every Kanye fan has defended Kanye, some Kanye fans have abandoned Kanye, but 2018 was legitimately the tipping point where it felt like we all finally had enough, in unification. Shock, betrayal, and disappointment are probably the best adjectives. When you are willing to forgive someone for 90% of their behavior, and they up their bullshit to 110%, an understandable separation must occur. At this point, the man we once called Yeezus is now the hip-hop Louis C.K.: no type of constructive or negative feedback can penetrate his brain, and any new attempts at creative output only make everything worse.

85) Royce da 5′9′’ f/ Eminem & King Green - “Caterpillar”

As lyrical as it gets on this list, but what else do you expect from Em and Royce? Not a huge fan of the chorus (at least that loud part in the first half). Eminem legit goes off for, like, ten lines with a pooping metaphor to close the song.

84) Nicki Minaj - “Barbie Dreams”

Staying in the redone Biggie songs lane, we have Nicki with a passive evisceration of your favorite male rapper. You can call it crass, but I’d argue her playfulness makes the whole thing work, combined with the fact that it’s flipping the male gaze on its head. And though she’s having fun, some of these movie punches catch real faces. My favorites:

3) “Drake worth a hundred mill, he always buyin' me shit / But I don't know if the pussy wet or if he cryin' and shit”

2) “I remember when I used to have a crush on Special Ed / Shoutout Desiigner 'cause he made it out of special ed”

1) “Had to cancel DJ Khaled, boy, we ain't speakin' / Ain't no fat n**** tellin' me what he ain't eatin'”

Goodbye forever, DJ Khaled.

83) Bad Bunny f/ Drake - “MIA”

I do social media for my high school alma mater’s football team, and this song first got on my radar when of the players tweeted something like “I can’t understand a word, but this is really good”. I was piqued, and it delivered. Nobody cultural appropriates quite like Drizzy Drake. Also, am I the only one who would have maybe been happier if the song was called “Bad Bunny” and the featured artist was M.I.A.?

82) Phoebe Bridgers - “Christmas Song”

Christmas songs are hard to write because they’re either taken or terrible, but Bridgers definitely carved out her own lane. This could work as a single person under a spotlight or sung by a group of lonely strangers finding camaraderie at a bar; within the song, you actually get both scenarios.

81) Remo Drive - “Blue Ribbon”

Got into this band for the first time in 2018, and though some of their older songs got more spins, this was my favorite from the new album.

80) The Sidekicks - “Twin’s Twist”

Mostly just impressed they were able to seamlessly integrate the “Chronic 2001″ into lyrics of a lighter rock song.

79) Real Friends - “From The Outside”

My favorite chorus they’ve ever written. While remaining thoroughly pop punk, the catchiness puts it more on the pop side of that spectrum.

78) Mike Posner - “Song About You”

Posner sounds like he’s barely trying, and it’s still so, so good. Favorite moment is this non-rhyme: “Since you’ve been gone, I got nothing to do / I sleep until noon, I wake up and feel bad”. It’s like a pop freestyle or something.

Also, extra shout out for how well he took his social media roasting after the Thanksgiving performance in Detroit. Love this dude.

77) Bad Religion - “The Kids Are Alt-Right”

What if I told you Bad Religion made a song with an intro that sounded like Andrew W.K.’s “Party Till You Puke” but were somehow still able to stay afloat? Hell, I’m confused too. The satirical lyrics mark 2018 for what it was. The pre-chorus, I remain torn on.

76) Blood Orange - “Saint”

You said it before

Looped keyboard beat over some smooth lyrics and melodies.

75) Juice WRLD - “Lucid Dreams”

I cannot change you so I must replace you

Still unclear how this *isn’t* a Post Malone song.

74) Tancred - “Queen Of New York”

Own the city.

73) We Were Sharks - “Drop The Act”

Ohhhhh, I love this production.

72) Cloud Nothings - “Leave Him Now”

This band continues to possess all of the melodic fury (and the Russell Westbrook of drummers).

71) Childish Gambino - “Summertime Magic”

Wasn’t big on “This Is America”*, so Glover releasing an ode to the best season as an alternative selection helped.

(* - at least not the song; vid was interesting)

70) The 1975 - “Love It If We Made It”

The 1975 are one of those bands where liking them makes you feel like an alien because everyone else either loves or dogs them. I’m keepin’ this casual, aight?

Also, since all writers are contractually obligated, we must mention the “Fucking in a car, shooting heroin” line which opens the song.

69) Kississippi - “Cut Yr Teeth”

Saw this band play in a classroom at a high school (google “BLED FEST”) in Michigan in May of 2018. They were fun, diverse, and covered Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle”. This tune is a little more serious and locked in.

68) Muncie Girls - “Picture Of Health”

Every part of this song is well-written, but it all builds to a massive chorus.

67) Justin Timberlake f/ Chris Stapleton - “Say Something”

There was a time, in January 2018, when not a ton of music had dropped yet, and this song was everywhere. It was like the dead-of-winter equivalent to the Song of the Summer. This one definitely gets docked some points for what I’d call weak lyricism. You can tell both dudes were way into it though, which does help make up for it some.

66) Interpol - “The Rover”

As speedy as I’ve ever heard Interpol; pretty unskippable.

65) Dashboard Confessional - “Catch You”

Imagine if this were the only Dashboard song you’d ever heard. You’d think they were, like, happy. Our protagonist has a trustworthy assurance that should put you at ease.

64) Gulfer - “Secret Stuff”

No singing on this list will alienate you faster than the first eight seconds of this one.

63) Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - “Talking Straight”

Though this feels like two band names in one, RBCF know exactly what they’re doing as it pertains to the actual songwriting. This would fit right in during the mid-2000s garage/indie rock boom; could listen to the chorus on a loop.

62) Rita Ora f/ Cardi B, Bebe Rexha & Charli XCX - “Girls”

This song has the unique distinction of being think pieced and outraged cycled before I even got a chance to hear a second of it. The case:

Now, it goes without saying that the best people to explain why this song feels damaging and hurtful to queer women are queer women themselves – girls who kiss girls whether they’ve been gulping back Malbec or not. “A song like this just fuels the male gaze while marginalizing the idea of women loving women,” wrote Hayley Kiyoko on Twitter. Kehlani said it has “many awkward slurs, quotes, and moments”. MUNA’s Katie Gavin noted that in ‘Girls’ she hears “the familiar chorus that women’s sexuality is something to be looked at instead of authentically felt”.

To her credit, Ora apologized the very same day that piece came out (PUN INTENDED). What’s weird is the idea of this song being problematic made me like it more. It gives the sexual flippancy of the chorus authenticity. I don’t know, man -- this stuff is complicated.

Not complicated? Cardi B’s awful green screen cameo featuring cheap looking special effects.

/shakes head in disappointment 

61) Eminem f/ Ed Sheeran - “River”

Though not apples to apples -- since he’s not spitting -- we shall remember this as the time Ed Sheeran > Eminem in a song.

Marshall remains our unquestioned king of the ‘relationship dysfunction’ genre.

60) Culture Abuse - “Calm E”

Everyone’s getting back together

The writers of the perfect and generational “Dream On” continue to stay in the mellow lane with their subsequent releases. When you can pull off both, why not?

59) Brian Fallon - “Silence”

Fallon covers -- /checks notes --  Marshmello f/ Khalid, but it really could be an original. Dude really knows how to pick ‘em. I remember hearing this randomly at Shinto (a sushi/hibachi place) in Naperville; don’t remember if it was this or the original. Such a moving chorus.

58) Okkervil River - “Don’t Move Back To LA”

Gotta appreciate the persistent sentiment -- even though it’d be the opposite of my advice. Also took about 99.9% of the year for me to stop calling this band “Overkill” River in my head.

57) Natalie Prass - “Short Court Style”

Uber catchy and with a real groove.

56) The Interrupters - “She’s Kerosene”

2018 Rancid, down to the raspy-ish singing from Aimee Allen.

55) boygenius - “Me & My Dog”

When I heard Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, and someone named Lucy Dacus were forming a super group, I was stoked. This tune was the one that jived the most with my vision of the project. Amazingly sick harmonies, dropping elbows on your heart like a professional wrestler, and introspection on introspection.

I wanna be emaciated I wanna hear one song without thinking of you I wish I was on a spaceship Just me and my dog and an impossible view

So, so, so, so good.

54) Shack Wes - “Mo Bamba”

How do you explain “Mo Bamba” to someone who doesn’t like rap? How do you explain “Mo Bamba” to someone who does like rap? I don’t know, but I am Teddy Bridgewater now.

53) Lil Dicky f/ Chris Brown, Ed Sheeran, DJ Khaled & Kendall Jenner - “Freaky Friday”

If you thought Rita Ora’s “Girls” was messy, allow me to introduce you to our last bad rap song on the list. Actually, maybe the Virginia Tech women’s lacrosse team would be a better candid--OHHHHH LADIES NO!!!!!!!!11111111

So yeah, whether it’s the most lightning rod word in American history, cultural appropriation, reverse cultural appropriation, or even just a good ol’ “I Blame Chris Brown” take, this attempt at comedy hip-hop got put under a microscope for all the right and wrong reasons. No one came out unscathed. But, like Ora’s song, if you can ignore some components (read: nearly everything), it’s so god damn fun, man. I mean, Dicky and Chris Brown swapped bodies -- pretty nuts. And it’s rare for an MVP line to be “How his dick staying perched up on his balls like that?”

52) Jay Rock f/ Kendrick Lamar, Future & James Blake - “King’s Dead”

I gotta go get it- I gotta go get it- I gotta go get it- I gotta go get it

The back half of the Future verse is the worst part about this song... yet the most fun to talk about. He raps auto-tuned, in falsetto... and these are the lyrics:

La di da di da, slob on me knob Pass me some syrup, fuck me in the car La di da di da, mothafuck the law Chitty chitty bang, murder everything

What a disgrace. Yet, almost like a whimsy 2 Chainz verse, it’s really fucking memorable.

51) Soccer Mommy - “Your Dog”

Noticeably good bassline? Check. Skin crawlingly bad band name? Check. Cool swearing? Yup.

50) Vince Staples - “FUN!”

Vince could rap his way out a bottomless pit; floating elevation flow.

49) Dan + Shay - “Tequila”

Tried so hard to get this one next to “Shitty Margarita”. Genuinely love this song. Maybe it’s the mountains in the music video, but that chorus just soars.

48) Meg Myers - “Numb”

Look up in the air and see this tidal wave chorus crashing through the world in slow motion.

47) The Penske File - “Fairgrounds”

My new working theory -- which really feels more like fact -- is how cool lyrics with the phrase “Meet me...” are. It creates this aura of unknown, mystery, and maybe even danger; like anything could happen if you just agree. Here are some from songs just off the top of my head:

Meet me by the lake

Meet me at the reservoir

Meet me in Montauk

Meet me in the middle (more on that one later)

Meet me in the back

Meet me at midnight

The list goes on. So please say “yes” to The Penske File at the fairgrounds, won’t you?

46) Lil Wayne f/ Swizz Beatz - “Uproar”

Weezy goes this entire song only using “oh” rhymes; not sure how he does it. Sometimes, I listen to this and pretend I’m a buffalo.

45) Cardi B - “Be Careful”

Cardi sampled Lauryn (wayyyyyyyy more on this later) and made it work. The chorus always sticks with me, and though the verses have a few bumps along the way, they might even be better.

44) Elway - “Crowded Conscience”

Elway pulls up their roots in this All Colorado Everything lyric video, and you’ll be ready to tap the Rockies when the singalong chorus finishes.

43) Pkew Pkew Pkew - “Passed Out”

A punk rock drinking song with a real bummer of a chorus for how happy the theme itself comes across.

42) Joyce Manor - “I Think I’m Still In Love With You”

I have no scientific proof, but Barry’s lyrics seem to be getting worse and worse. The drug references are still there, sure, but there’s an almost elementary simplicity to the proceedings. Still, like “Heart Tattoo”, this song doesn’t get in its own way and takes advantage of the basic words to create a big, big hook. You sing along even though it feels too easy at times.

41) Alkaline Trio - “Throw Me To The Lions”

So much desperation in the chorus; this could work as their last ever song.

40) The Bombpops - “Dear Beer”

My favorite opening line on this whole list -- the sweet and simple “I’m about to hit send / I’m waiting for the weekend”. Before you know it, a full blown self-loathing chorus. It’s got it all.

39) Foxing - “Lambert”

In quiet awe listening to this masterpiece of a song. Saw this band way up close in 2018 -- here is a picture:

Hello, Foxing

38) Lucero - “To My Dearest Wife”

Civil War soldier or rigorous rock and roll touring schedule? Either way, the Lucero singer misses his wife and family, and he’s gonna let you know they’re on his mind. I saw them open for Frank Turner in 2018, and he played their new album front to back -- before it had been released -- as their entire set because “I promised to do this when drunk on Instagram”. Gotta respect a man with principles.

37) BlocBoy JB f/ Drake - “Look Alive”

Favorite Drake hook of the year. BlocBoy JB... less necessary. Also kinda crazy to think we didn’t know who producer Tay Keith was at the beginning of 2018; definitely made his impression felt by the end.

36) The Front Bottoms - “Tie Die Dragon”

As psychedelic as I’ll ever get. Unless it’s, like, The Beatles. But that’s different.

35) The Lawrence Arms - “Laugh Out Loud”

Released on their Best Of record (legitimately titled “We Are The Champions Of The World) and an “Oh! Calcutta!” b-side from 2006, TLA prove even their leftovers can be a main course.

34) Tinashe f/ Future - “Faded Love”

I know he’s a rapper and she’s a singer, but nothing is more illustrative of how much harder women have to work compared to men than the 1:36 mark when Tinashe sensually sings “Let’s just feel this feeling”, doubled with Feature’s auto-tuned ass doing the exact same thing, only 10x worse. Not enough to taint the song, even a little. His verse, however...

33) Chance The Rapper - “65th & Ingleside”

Chance -- who almost always makes the correct choices -- did this super annoying thing where he released a bunch of songs in single batches in 2018.

“But Bobby, he gave you tons of free music! Why are you complaining?!”

Because we couldn’t easily sequence it, bruh. Look at this shit!:

Not even Drake would pull this stunt. EP next time, Chano.

Anyway.

Fun lines, really contagious beat, and a few types of flows; he spazzes at the end.

32) Complainer - “Drunk (Again)”

Gotta love when a song can’t start until multiple beer cans crack. These guys are a tiny band inspired-by-but-better-than Jeff Rosenstock, and I hope they get so much more traction.

31) ScHoolboy Q f/ Kendrick Lamar, Saudi & 2 Chainz - “X”

I LIVE ON TEN

Always read this title as the letter X even though the word “ten” is used 40 times in the song.

30) KIDS SEE GHOSTS (Kanye West & Kid Cudi) - “Reborn”

From Kanye’s only useful project in 2018 comes “Reborn”. Luckily, it’s mainly Cudi on this track (chorus/bridge/a verse). It feels like Ohio’s son is breaking through... or breaking out; verging on real triumph over his demons. Kanye, meanwhile, is surprisingly understated (read: good) and fits into all of his parts like a non-OJ glove. The sparing use of Yeezy reminds me of how the master himself used to feature people like Chief Keef just enough to harness the talent but not enough to ruin the song or do too much. Those alpha days appear to be way in the rearview now.

29) Travis Scott f/ Drake, Swae Lee & Big Hawk - “SICKO MODE”

Stacey Dash, most of these girls ain’t got a clue

This joins “Mo Bamba” in the Top 2 of Rap Songs That Need To Be Played At All Parties In The Year 2018. While “Bamba” is more consistent -- seriously, “SICKO MODE” is four songs in one -- almost nothing tops hearing the start of this and immediately anticipating the rest (like the opening of “Tuesday” when that was hot). The third part is probably my favorite. #likealight

28) SOB X RBE f/ Zacari & Kendrick Lamar - “Paramedic!”

Our third selection from the “Black Panther” soundtrack. Second favorite beat of 2018; I can’t not move the second it drops.

27) Drug Church - “Unlicensed Hall Monitor”

Favorite guitar leads of 2018. It’s as sleek as the vocals are gruff.

26) Matt And Kim - “FOREVER”

Was a dead tie between this and the equally emotional “Youngest I Will Be”. But this one has a vid -- and they make the best vids. This song also references the 1992 Dream Team. Our world will never be shit if they stay a part of it; first time I’ve came close to tearing up so far. These two inspire.

25) The Ramblin’ Boys Of Pleasure - “Joyce Jawbreaker”

Speaking of turrs, my band of 14 years released our maybe last song ever in 2018. Written in Maine, titled for Joyce Manor and Jawbreaker, and about lost love, Chicago, futures, playing music with your brothers, tiny hands, and found love. We also did a video:

24) Ariana Grande f/ Nicki Minaj - “the light is coming”

I really, truly am not excluding “thank u, next” to be contrarian. While I agree that is her defining song of 2018 -- and biggest hit to date? -- “the light is coming” is so much more unique. It goes in so many directions while the hook ties the rope around you a hundred times. Yep, I’m right.

23) Laura Jane Grace & The Devouring Mothers - “Apocalypse Now (& Later)”

Wish I could forever keep this song’s opening line as my mantra: You make me walk away from the hate I carry.

22) Restorations - “Nonbeliever”

Another band that should be bigger, so they can always be free to do anything they want. This song will always boil down to this part, which captures the push and pull of 2018 America:

I love your protest lines Oh, but who has the time? We all saw the same thing at the same time, okay? Got a partner for starters And a kid on the way Can’t be doing all this dumb shit no more

For how crass, clumsy, and non-rhyming that concludes, the song itself ends dire.

21) The Get Up Kids - “I’m Sorry”

One of my favorite videos of 2018. Similar to “Apocalypse Now (& Later)”, I’m not sure if it’s about a love interest or a kid. Does it matter? No. But it does to me.

20) Antarctigo Vespucci - “Freakin’ U Out”

A band name for the ages. With Chris Farren (of Fake Problems) on vox and Jeff Rosenstock on instruments, this song could power a car -- or at least one person who didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.

19) Bayside - “It Don’t Exist”

Anthony Raneri has a new grill, but this song feels 50 years old. A classic in real time.

18) The Carters - “APESHIT”

Is this artsy, all-time vid somewhat undermined by the Migos ad libs?

Yes.

/makes note to maybe dress up like this for Halloween next year

17) Post Malone f/ 21 Savage - “rockstar”

This song is so good -- albeit misogynist and also bad -- it makes me genuinely eager for a 21 Savage verse. And though I love any bars relating to his 12-car garage...

my favorite 21 savage quirk is his yearly 12 car garage updates:

2016: “why you got a 12 car garage?”

2017: “they like ‘savage why you got a 12 car garage / and you only got 6 cars?’”

2018: “why you got a 12 car garage? / cause i bought 6 new cars”

(via @ottergawd)

...his intro line is just so, so terrible: “I've been in the Hills fuckin' superstars / Feelin' like a popstar”. You know that’s... not really a rhyme, right?

16) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness - “Ohio”

/will always, always death stare that dumb name to start any Andy section

Ah, but if we did start with a lyric?

Katie’s counting crows

This song is about leaving the worst state for one of the best. But if we’re doing that, why do we feel so melancholy?

15) Kendrick Lamar & SZA - “All The Stars”

You've gotta be mesmerizing to make Kung Fu Kenny look pedestrian, but SZA's galactic hook does just that.

14) Frank Turner - “1933″

Frank isn’t from here, but he’s setting out to remind us of where this all began.

13) The Wonder Years - “Sister Cities”

As far as pop punk legacies are concerned, The Wonder Years’ is secure. There is no longer necessity to churn out bangers; they’re already on the Mount Rushmore. Still, they go. Every part of this song is essential: the build up verses, blown out chorus, Panic! At The Disco 2005-era hi-hat off-time drum transitions, end-of-the-rope bridge. The true standout is the closing of V2:

I'm guarded like I'm wounded, my first instinct's always “run” I wanna turn to steam I wanna call it off I wanna lighten the dark I wanna swallow the sun

Good guitar leads add even extra.

12) YG f/ 2 Chainz, Big Sean & Nicki Minaj - “BIG BANK”

“Alexa, what does big bank do to little bank?”

The highlight line from each:

YG: “Ayy, I set the bar, I'm the fuckin' bar / Look in the sky, I'm a fuckin' star / I don't fall in love 'cause I be lovin' hard / Do everything like my shirt, extra large”

2 Chainz: “Big shit like a dinosaur did it”

Big Sean: “I'm rare as affordable health care”

Nicki: “Told em' I met Slim Shady, bagged a Em / Once he go black, he'll be back again”

Let this also be remembered as the song that created a Madden controversy.

11) Dean Summerwind - “Parked By The Lake”

What is there to say about the legend that is Dean Summerwind? With only one song on Spotify, he’s batting a clean 1.000. Calling this genius feels like an understatement. It’s real, it’s parody, it’s persistent, it’s ours.

10) The Dirty Nil - “Bathed In Light”

The Canadian Local H. Reaaaaaaaally wanna see them live in 2019.

9) oso oso - “gb/ol h/nf”

I stylized oso oso as “Oso Oso” last year to stick it to their frontman Jade, but a year later, I’ve lost the energy. Blame Ariana Grande. This song -- which stands for “goodbye old love, hello new friend”* -- has my favorite chorus of the year. It’s so simple, it’s obvious: “But I still come through, when you want / And if I serve no use, where do I get my purpose from?”

Also, this is indie/pop/punk/rock’s version of “SICKO MODE”: got more parts than “The Wire”.

(* - had to look that up multiple times in 2018 and never retained, despite it being the bridge of the song... I didn’t notice)

8) Kacey Musgraves - “Space Cowboy”

If any song *survives* the existence of this list, I hope it’s this one. Kacey has this predictable-yet-surprising way of taking existing tropes and co-opting them with her own twist. Homegirl is like the Jim Nantz of pop/country in that way.

7) Direct Hit! - “Welcome To Heaven”

This song makes me want to die to, you know, check. Blustering chorus, fascinating premise, and charged up while simultaneously patient/in control.

6) FIDLAR f/ The 90s - “Are You High?”

This not being on Spotify was one of the worst non-Michigan football things to happen to me in 2018. Man, I hate Michigan football.

5) Drake - “Nice For What”

- My favorite beat of 2018 (New Orleans bounce, ftw)

- My favorite release of 2018 - Drizzy said it would drop on a Friday - We were thinking morning or midday (not late evening, in the last remaining hours of the day, when were were faded and had waited so long it was almost forgotten -- it hit perfect) - On top of that, he also sampled Lauryn Hill’s “Ex-Factor” -- the same week Cardi B did the same -- with even more pulsating results - I will always interpret that as a real or sneak diss, yet no one I know has ever said anything

- My buddy Josh sent a selfie vid of him and his girl and some friends bopping to it; I’ll remember that forever; the moment felt like such an event, as if the world simultaneously celebrated at such an atypical time

- Drake deserves 30% less credit for this female empowerment anthem because of the “these hoes” sample

- Maybe a Top 5 Drake song, all-time

- There is no planet, solar system, or multiverse where 2018 Drake finishes ahead of 2018 Pusha T

4) Pusha T - “The Story Of Adidon”

You are hiding a child.

Let’s not mince words: this is the No. 2 greatest diss track of all time. Pac is No. 1 -- this will not be debated. From there, Nas is DQ’d for “Ether” homophobia, annnnnnd no one else is in the realm. King Push...

- Unearthed a photo of Drake in blackface and uses it as the art for the song - Goes at Drake’s mom (”Marriage is something that Sandi never had...”) - Goes at Drake’s dad (”Dennis Graham stay off the 'gram, bitch, I'm on one”) - Outs Drake for having a child (and hiding said child!*) - Goes at Drake’s baby momma - And -- /gulp -- goes at Drake’s longtime producer 40 for having multiple sclerosis, suggesting he will not be alive soon**

He does this over “The Story Of O.J.” beat... a rather chill backdrop, all things considered.

(* - Drake responded later with the line “I wasn’t hiding my kid from the world, I was hiding the world from my kid” which just isn’t cool at all but is competent enough to win some people back over; /barf)

(** - HOLY FUCK***)

(*** - much debate occurred in the aftermath regarding if Push “went too far”; I was 50-50 at the time but now am 100-0 that it was the right choice; this song is cyanide venom, so why pull back even an ounce?)

Though Drake survived -- turns out the mainstream pop boost is bigger than hip-hop beef -- he took the fattest of L’s on this one.

Really can’t decide on a lyrical ending, so I’m gonna go with two:

Surgical summer.

If we all go to hell, it’ll be worth it.

3) Spanish Love Songs - “Buffalo Buffalo”

In my head, this was gonna end up ahead of The Menzingers, but that would be like putting Greta Van Fleet ahead of Zeppelin. Spanish Love Songs were my breakout band of 2018. They released my favorite album, I saw them as an opener at Sub-T in Chicago, and I promised their bassist I’d see them in Florida at the Fest (this did not materialize). While their vocals and guitar leads sound identical to Scranton’s finest, if you listen to them as much as I did, you’ll realize they offer a sound and perspective* of their own as well.

(* - no one hates themselves more than this singer)

2) The Menzingers - “Toy Soldier”

There’s so much to be sad about these days

/that guitar intro

Followed by the best musical moment of this year: from 0:06 to 0:07 -- the ever-so-slight delay before the band blows it out. Spent a lot of time in 2018 debating if I should change my Twitter bio to “I lost my accent in the plague”. Listened to this song on the floor of the living room on my 32nd birthday; then I read “The Great Gatsby”. From there (at this point, it was past midnight), I realized this sounded like The Lawrence Arms’ “Requiem Revisited”, which was inspired by Naked Raygun’s “Soldiers Requiem”. It’s all a triangle of that perfectly fitting punk chord progression. That’s right: I am Pepe Silvia.

1) Horror Squad - “I Smoke The Blood”

Best song title of 2018. Best song of 2018.

This has 729 views on YouTube -- be the 730th.

Spotify playlist.

Thank you for reading.

[mastcomm]

Rod Blagojevich, Coronavirus, Democrats: Your Wednesday Briefing

(Want to get this briefing by email? Here’s the sign-up.)

Good morning.

We’re covering President Trump’s clemency decisions and China’s encouraging numbers in the coronavirus outbreak. We’re also looking ahead to tonight’s Democratic debate, the first to include Michael Bloomberg.

President Trump says he’s the law of the land

Calling himself “the chief law enforcement officer of the country,” the president on Tuesday renewed his attacks on the criminal justice system, demanded a new trial for his friend Roger Stone, and granted clemency to several white-collar criminals.

By the end of the day, Attorney General William Barr was said to be considering resignation, though the Justice Department denied such suggestions. The attorney general said last week that Mr. Trump was making his work “impossible,” and the president agreed with him on Tuesday, saying: “I do make his job harder. I do agree with that. I think that’s true.”

White House officials said Mr. Trump had followed recommendations from friends, celebrities and campaign donors in granting full pardons or commutations to 11 people. (A commutation makes a punishment milder without wiping out the underlying conviction.)

The details: The Supreme Court has ruled that presidents have unlimited authority to grant pardons; here’s a full list of those who received clemency on Tuesday. Among them are Michael Milken, the Wall Street financier and so-called junk bond king of the 1980s, and Rod Blagojevich, the former Illinois governor who essentially tried to sell the Senate seat that Barack Obama vacated after he was elected president.

Perspective: In the years since Mr. Milken was convicted of securities fraud, influential friends have portrayed him as a maverick crushed by the establishment. Not so, says our business columnist James Stewart, who wrote a book about Mr. Milken.

Spread of coronavirus in China appears to slow

The Chinese authorities reported today that, for the second day in a row, there were fewer than 2,000 new cases of the virus. The number hadn’t fallen below that threshold since Jan. 30, but public health officials have warned against excessive optimism.

Also today, hundreds of passengers began leaving a cruise ship in Japan after the end of a two-week quarantine. More than 540 people aboard the ship had tested positive for the virus. Here are the latest updates from around the world and maps of where the virus has spread.

Go deeper: As it works to contain the epidemic, China has sidelined groups that the Communist Party considers rivals. Our columnist writes: “Beijing has shown the world that it can shut down entire cities, build a hospital in 10 days and keep 1.4 billion people at home for weeks. But it has also shown a glaring weakness that imperils lives and threatens efforts to contain the outbreak: It is unable to work with its own people.”

Another angle: China said today that it would revoke the credentials of three Wall Street Journal reporters, after officials objected to a headline this month in the newspaper’s opinion pages: “China Is the Real Sick Man of Asia.”

Michael Bloomberg’s debate debut

Tonight is the ninth Democratic presidential debate, but it will be the first to include the former New York mayor, who has been rising in recent polls. The debate, held in Las Vegas ahead of Saturday’s Nevada caucuses, starts at 9 p.m. Eastern. Here’s what to watch for.

News analysis: “After a mass introduction to the Democratic electorate on his terms, powered by hundreds of millions of dollars of his own money, Mr. Bloomberg is submitting for the first time to an uncontrolled setting on a national scale,” our political reporter Matt Flegenheimer writes. “This does not necessarily play to his strengths.”

Another angle: Bernie Sanders’s campaign said it would request a recount of the results in Iowa after the state’s Democratic Party said it had completed a partial recanvass, changing results in 29 precincts but shifting no national delegates.

If you have 9 minutes, this is worth it

The iPhone at the deathbed

In a collision of technology and culture, of new habits and very old ones, we are beginning to photograph our dead again. Such images may feel jarring on social media, but they have a long history. Above, the late Robert Alexander and his sister Kary Manzanares.

For families like Mr. Alexander’s who are choosing home funerals and eschewing the services of conventional funeral parlors, photography is a celebration of that choice.

Here’s what else is happening

Europe’s plans for tech: The European Union today outlined an attempt to restore what officials called “technological sovereignty,” amid concern that the region is overly dependent on services provided by companies based elsewhere.

Disputed result in Afghanistan: President Ashraf Ghani was declared the winner of the country’s presidential vote after months of delayed results. Hours later, his leading challenger also claimed victory. The dispute comes on the verge of a U.S. peace deal with the Taliban.

Snapshot: Above, civilians fleeing toward Turkey last week from Idlib, the last opposition-controlled province in Syria. About 900,000 people, mostly women and children, have fled their homes since December as the Syrian government tries to seize the area. “It’s like the end of the world,” one relief worker said.

What we’re reading: This joint undercover investigation by Correctiv and Frontal21, two German news outlets, into the Heartland Institute, an American organization that promotes the denial of climate science. Our climate reporter John Schwartz calls it fascinating.

Now, a break from the news

Jan Ransom had a lot of early starts. Now, she’s waiting for a verdict in the Weinstein case, but during the trial, the line to enter the courtroom in Manhattan Criminal Court stretched down the block by 6 a.m. Once the day’s proceedings began, around 9:30 a.m., she listened closely all day, every day, watching the movie producer’s facial expressions, noting the testimony of the witnesses and recording the reactions of the jury.

In many federal courthouses, cellphones, laptops and recording devices are not permitted, which means reporters must often take notes by hand, then call their editors or other reporters to relay the news.

“You’re back to being a reporter from the 1950s,” said John Schwartz, a Times reporter who previously worked as the legal correspondent for the National desk. “You phone it in and compose it in your head and provide that first bit of information just as quick as you can.”

There are often hours of proceedings that can include long exchanges between lawyers and the judge. Skilled reporters are able to discern important developments.

“It’s 99 percent tedium,” said Ben Weiser, who has covered the Manhattan federal courts for The Times for many years. “But you have to be listening and then suddenly someone will say something, and that will be your lead.”

That’s it for this briefing. See you next time.

— Chris

Thank you Mark Josephson and Eleanor Stanford provided the break from the news. Katie Van Syckle wrote today’s Back Story. You can reach the team at briefing@nytimes.com.

P.S. • We’re listening to “The Daily.” Today’s episode is the first of a two-part series about a digital underworld of child sexual abuse imagery that is hiding in plain sight. • Here’s today’s Mini Crossword, and a clue: Things actors memorize (five letters). You can find all our puzzles here. • The Times’s correspondent Rukmini Callimachi spoke to Elle Magazine about how she considers her clothing and self-presentation when covering Islamic extremism.

from WordPress https://mastcomm.com/event/rod-blagojevich-coronavirus-democrats-your-wednesday-briefing/

[medicalmarijuana-news]

Radical Rant: Marijuana’s Imminent Trumpocalypse

One week from today, Donald Trump will be sworn in as the nation’s 45th president. He enters the Oval Office with his party in control of the House (241-194) and the Senate (52-48), majorities just five congressmen and two senators short of Congress’s largest Republican majority since the Great Depression, and a vacancy he’ll fill on the Supreme Court to create a 5-4 conservative majority.

Worst of all, he has chosen as his attorney general literally the most hard-line anti-pot senator in America, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, a man whose history of racial animosity derailed his appointment as U.S. Attorney in the 1980s. (Imagine: too racist for the 1980s, when “I speak jive“ and “Long Duk Dong“ were jokes you could get away with in a movie, but just fine for the 2010s.)

Yet, some commentators on marijuana policy think everything will work out just fine.

Some tell us that the marijuana industry is just too big. It’s generating tax revenue and jobs. It’s popular with the people. It’s been 20 years since California’s medical marijuana started; it’s just too late to put the genie back in the bottle.

Sure. And in 1919, there were 1,300 operating breweries in America. They generated a ton of tax revenue—up to 75 percent of New York’s. Saloons were quite popular with the people. Americans had been drinking alcohol on this continent since 1609. And yet, they put that genie back in the bottle for thirteen years, didn’t they?

Some tell us that Donald Trump loves business and money. As the guy who claims he’ll “Make America Great Again,” he’ll want to show growth and productivity gains. He won’t want to shut down an exploding industry.

Sure. But who has more business and money for Trump to love? The $6 billion startup industry headquartered in states that gave 99 votes to Clinton, four to Trump and four to others in the Electoral College? Or their global corporate competitors in the pharmaceutical and alcohol industries worth over $600 billion?

Some tell us that Jeff Sessions as Attorney General will have bigger fish to fry. With the limited resources of the Department of Justice and a mandate to attack immigration violations, Sessions and Trump won’t have the time and resources to go after state-legal marijuana.

Sure. But Sessions and DOJ won’t have to expend much energy at all to drastically alter the marijuana industry. Threatening letters to states, warning of prosecution for officials who license marijuana commerce, don’t take much time and money.

And they don’t need the resources to go after it all. Just a few DEA raids of the largest warehouse grows and storefront shops will put a chill over all of them. Investors thinking of sinking funds into the green rush will start closing their wallets.

Some tell us that the Trump administration won’t waste political capital going after something as popular as marijuana, which now has 60 percent public support for legalization and over 80 percent for medical marijuana.

Sure. Marijuana enjoys widespread support nationally, but Trump’s re-election doesn’t depend on widespread national support. It depends on maintaining his Republican support, and they oppose legalization by 58 percent, with greater opposition in the areas of the South and Midwest that he dominated.

Some tell us not to worry, because Trump said he was 100 percent for medical marijuana and states’ rights for marijuana legalization.

Sure. But Trump also said that there are a lot of problems coming out of Colorado. Also, we tend to think “medical marijuana” means “people can grow cannabis and buy cannabis and use cannabis for their medicine for whatever ailment”, but people like Trump and many Republicans think “medical marijuana” means “OK, you’re on your deathbed with cancer and you’ve tried every other medicine and surgery, so I guess we can let you buy some cannabis tincture at a store.”

Plus, consider that states’ rights work both ways.

Maybe it means California, Oregon and Colorado have the right to legalize marijuana inside their borders. Maybe it means Arizona, Idaho and Kansas have the right to keep it from flowing over theirs. Which side do you think Trump will take—the states that voted for him or the ones that didn’t and won’t in 2020?

Some tell us not to fear Jeff Sessions, because in his confirmation hearings this week, he didn’t commit to a full-scale federal prohibition effort. He gave vague, non-committal answers like his predecessor, Attorney General Loretta Lynch, and she didn’t ramp up prosecutions of marijuana states.

Sure. But Loretta Lynch couldn’t ramp up prosecutions because the Rohrabacher Amendment was in place, forbidding DOJ from spending any funds to prosecute state-legal marijuana. That amendment expires in April, and Speaker Ryan has set new rules forbidding budgetary amendments on guns, abortion, LGBT, and marijuana issues, so it can’t be renewed.

Besides, Sessions has been in a job interview this week; of course he’s going to conceal his true nature to avoid losing confirmation votes. A more accurate look at how Sessions may be as Attorney General is found back in April, when he was questioning a witness in a Senate hearing and didn’t have to worry about passing a confirmation hearing:

“This is a huge, huge issue. … [President Obama] thinks it’s a very little problem. But these data show that it is [a huge problem]! … [W]e need a nationwide understanding about the problem. This is very real.”

“Colorado was one of the leading states that started the movement to suggest that marijuana is not dangerous. And we’re going to find it, in my opinion, ripple throughout the entire American citizenry; and we’re going to see more marijuana use, and it’s not going to be good! We’re going to see more other drug use, illegal drug use, also, which is damaging.”

“I mean, we need grown-ups in charge in Washington to say marijuana is not the kind of thing that ought to be legalized, it ought not to be minimized, that it’s, in fact, a very real danger, you can see the accidents, traffic deaths related to marijuana jump 20 percent.”

“These are the kinds of things we’re going to see throughout the country. You’ll see cocaine and heroin increase more than it would have, I think, had we not talked about it.”

“I see the danger and damage it does, and I think the president needs to speak out. I think one of his great failures—it’s been obvious to me—his lax treatment and comments on marijuana.”

“It’s been obvious; it reverses 20 years, almost, of hostility to drugs, begun really when Nancy Reagan started the ‘Just Say No’ program.”

“And if we go back into this path, we’re going to regret it. And you’ve got to have leadership from the top.”

“I can’t tell you how concerning it is for me emotionally and personally to see the possibility that we would reverse the progress that we’ve made and let it slip away from us!”

“Lives will be impacted, families will be broken up, children will be damaged, because of the difficulties their parents have, and people may be psychologically impacted the rest of their lives with marijuana. And if they go on to more serious drugs, which tends to happen, and deny it if you want to, but it tends to happen, there’ll be even greater causes…”

“[T]his drug is dangerous, you cannot play with it, it’s not funny, it’s not something to laugh about, and trying to send that message with clarity that good people don’t smoke marijuana.”

“I believe the Department of Justice needs to be clear and the president really needs to reassert some leadership on this. I think it’s really serious.”

Now maybe when President-elect Trump made the offer to Senator Sessions to become Attorney General, he told Sessions not to do anything about the “dangerous drug” marijuana that leads to damaged children and greater hard drug abuse. Maybe when Sessions accepted the offer, he decided this “really serious” “very real” “huge, huge issue” could be ignored and his Department of Justice shouldn’t be the “grown-ups in charge of Washington” sending the message that “good people don’t smoke marijuana.”

Maybe, and I’ll be thrilled to be wrong if the status quo continues, the marijuana industry grows and nobody gets raided or jailed. But I have always believed this isn’t a War on Drugs, this is a war on culture, and the other side of that culture war is in complete control. Like Bill Maher said, don’t piss off your old underground dealer; you may find you need their services again.

Previously in Radical Rant: My First Time

Click here for all of Russ Belville’s columns.

from Medical Marijuana News http://ift.tt/2jFCCGp via https://www.potbox.com/

[bughead-fic-request]

I would like to thank @leaalda for making these amazing banners.

This is an effort to spread the word about all fan fiction writers in our little fandom. If you would like to be featured or nominate a writer, please contact me. Please reblog this post if you can and check out some of @oldfashionedvanilla work!

1. First things first, if someone wanted to read your stories where can they find them.

All my stories are on Tumblr, and I have a master list in my info at the top.

2. Tell us a little about yourself.

I am 15 years old and have loved Archie Comics since forever. My sister and I freaked out when we figured out that it was getting a show, and even more excited when we heard Cole was going to be starring in it! I used to read a lot and it has just come back and started to read again because of my best friend. I really wanted to start writing fanfiction so I started with Stranger Things fics on Wattpad but soon switched to Riverdale and Tumblr.

3. What do you never leave home without?

I don’t really have one specific thing. I always wear a shirt and pants, and if I’m walking somewhere by myself I NEED my phone and headphones.

4. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Night Owl. I hate mornings.

5. If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?

I know it’s cheesy but the Harry Potter universe 100%. Being able to do magic and can meet Draco Malfoy?!? Definitely.

6. Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met.

I have met Lily Singh (aka iisuperwomanii from Youtube) and got a photo with her!

7. What are some of your favorite movies/TV?

Riverdale, Harry Potter (all of them), Brooklyn 99, The Office, Moana, Friends, etc.

8. What are some of your favorite bands/musicians?

I love the Beatles!

9. Favorite Books?

I lovvveeee the Harry Potter books, and Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell is amazing as well.

10. Favorite Food?

Pasta, ribs, mashed potatoes, and more pasta.

11. Biggest pet peeve?

When people take my food off my plate without asking.

12. What did you want to be when you were little? What do you want to be now?

When I was little I wanted to be a Disney Princess (and I still do) and now I want to be a Dermatologist or a child phycologist.

13. What are your biggest fears? Do you have any strange fears?

I have a fear of spiders, snakes, bugs, anything that is like creepy crawlies, and I think my strangest fear is seaweed (when it touches my feet while I’m swimming).

14. When you are on your deathbed what would be the one you’d regret not doing?

Probably not going skydiving or something like that. If I live, I want to live.

Okay… lets talk about your writing!

15. Which is your favorite of the fics you've written for the Bughead fandom?

My favourites have been Headphones, I Forgot Something, I Don’t Get Feelings, Betty Blue Eyes, Spray-paint, She’s So Old and Flannel. (these fanfics can be found on my master list!)

16. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

Betty Blue Eyes was tough to write because of how it was organized and how the ages changed throughout the story. Disney World was also hard to write because it was my first real multi-chapter so I had to remember small details from the past chapters.

17. How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? Do you people watch? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?

I tend to think about alternate universes that happen in my brain (like when I’m lying in my bed or when I’m walking) or I find small storylines that I like in books, music and TV shows. When I’m writing, I always watch Netflix or a show that I am watching at the time.

18. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

I have tried to start the Harry Potter AU but I just don’t know how to start writing it. These are two already real fandoms with characters and storylines. I have tried to mix the two but I can’t find a way to mix them together.

19. Least favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

I really don’t like my oldest fanfictions from when I first joined Tumblr and only just started writing. I know that they are my first ones but the plots are so basic and bland I have no idea what I was thinking.

20. Favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

I really like my Betty Blue Eyes one because I think it was one of the first Riverdale Fanfiction that has so many age changes and an ongoing joke throughout the story.

21. Favorite character to write?

I really love writing a soft and fluffy Juggie and I have found out that writing a sarcastic Jellybean is one of my new favourites. She has only been in one of my stories and I swear that she will be in more of my writing!

22. Favorite line or lines of dialogue that you've written?

I really like “Jughead Jones was scared of her. Not like, ‘I’m so scared I’m going to lose you,’ more like ‘You are like a giant spider-clown hybrid and I am terrified of getting near you’.” From He’s scared of her. I got a comment on it and I was super proud because I wrote this at 3am.

23. Best comment/review you’ve ever received?

All my favourite comments that I have gotten are on Laser Tag Part 1 and Betty Blue Eyes. I got so much support and love on both!

24. How do you handle bad reviews or comments?

I haven’t gotten any directly on my work, but all the anon hate I get I try to stay calm about. If someone doesn’t like my work, it’s fine! I’m still going to keep on writing because I like to do it. So, I try to make sure it doesn’t hit me. If I get past it, it will be all good.

25. If you could change anything in any of your stories, what would it be?

I really wish I was better at smaller details like describing what things felt inside of people’s head and stomach, like when you feel sick, have butterflies in your stomach or when your head is pounding. I need to work on that.

26. What is your favorite story you’ve ever written? Any fandom?

My favourite stories are the fanfictions for the Riverdale fandom. I haven’t really written anything else except for some bad Stranger Things fanfiction from about a year ago.

27. What are you reading right now? Both fan fiction and general fiction?

I am reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at the moment and I am also scrolling through the Bughead Fanfiction tag on Tumblr.

28. Do you have an advice for writers that want to get into this fandom but might be scared?

Don’t be scared. This fandom is so nice and supportive! If you need to as well, you can ask one of our amazing fanfiction writers to post one of your stories for you, and then you can see what people think of your work. Trust me, I was scared too, especially because I am a little bit younger. But our fandom is great and we have so many amazing people in it!

[bughead-fic-request]

I would like to thank @leaalda for making these amazing banners.

This is an effort to spread the word about all fan fiction writers in our little fandom. If you would like to be featured or nominate a writer, please contact me. Please reblog this post if you can and check out some of @bughead-is-riverdale work!

1. First things first, if someone wanted to read your stories where can they find them.

I have a Masterlist of all my fics to date, all nicely ordered under headings/ship pairings. You can find it in my bio.

2. Tell us a little about yourself.

I'm 18 and I'm from the U.K. I've just accepted a place to study English Lit at Birmingham Uni in September, I'm so excited! I've always loved reading/writing - starting this blog is something I wish I had done sooner - and I also love theatre. I have a little brother with Down's Syndrome who is the centre of my world, I'm more like his second mum than his older sister because of our 8 year age gap. I'm the 'Mum Friend' of my friendship group, don't be alarmed if I call you 'my love' or 'sweetheart', it's ingrained in my soul.

I'm a hopeless romantic (probably why I'm so invested in Bughead) and I've been with my current boyfriend/best friend for just over 4 years.

3. What do you never leave home without?

My promise ring that my boyfriend bought me for our 4th anniversary. It's an aquamarine stone with tiny diamonds and I never take it off. As I said, I'm a hopeless romantic.

4. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Definitely early bird, I'd rather not waste the day!

5. If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?

Cassandra Clare's world of Shadowhunters! I think I would be pretty badass. Besides I would find Julian Blackthorn and marry him.

6. Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met.

Sadly I haven't actually met anyone famous! Recently however I saw both David Tennant in 'Don Juan' and Andrew Scott in 'Hamlet', I was so close to them! Does that count?

7. What are some of your favorite movies/TV?

Aside from Riverdale... I'm a sucker for most period dramas (Colin Firth as Mr Darcy ahhh)! Brooklyn 99 is hilarious and Teen Wolf has always been one of my favourites. With films... Anything with Meryl Streep in it! I'm secretly a huge nerd so 'The Lord of the Rings' as well. Another one of my favourites is 'Dead Poet's Society' because it breaks my heart just to think about it.

8. What are some of your favorite bands/musicians?

Recently I've hated almost everything in the charts. Musicals are my safe haven so Hamilton, Les Mis, The Phantom of the Opera, Kinky Boots, and Rent I will listen to on repeat. I also love Tracy Chapman because of the meaning behind her lyrics and Queen is legendary.

9. Favorite Books?

Jane Austen is my favourite author and 'Pride and Prejudice' is my all time favourite, I read it annually. Please don't talk to me about 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies', it's an abomination. I also love 'The Book Thief', 'Jane Eyre', and my favourite play is 'Hamlet'. Anything by Cassandra Clare is also fantastic, you're never too old to enjoy YA fiction no matter what people say.

10. Favorite Food?

My mum makes a delicious sausage and bacon pie, I ask for it on my birthday every year.

11. Biggest pet peeve?

Incorrect grammar.

12. What did you want to be when you were little? What do you want to be now?

When I was a kid I wanted to be a queen, and I still want to be a queen. However, I have a back up plan to become a journalist and/or author.

13. What are your biggest fears? Do you have any strange fears?

When I was a kid I watched an episode of Doctor Who that had a werewolf in it. It didn't help that my friends played a prank on me when I was in primary school where they locked me out in the garden on a full moon and grabbed my legs when I tried to crawl through the dog flap, scarred me for life. I still low-key panic in the dark.

14. When you are on your deathbed what would be the one you’d regret not doing?

Not having kids, I'm too family-oriented to not be a mum.

Okay… lets talk about your writing!

15. Which is your favorite of the fics you've written for the Bughead fandom?

I wrote a Soulmate AU called 'Odd One Out' - it's a Jughead x Reader fic but you can always imagine the reader is Betty as she doesn't feature as a character.

16. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

My 'Guilty?' mini-series, it was my first fic.

17. How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? Do you people watch? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?

I have a notebook specifically for my blog where I brainstorm ideas. I also bounce ideas off my little sister. Anything particularly romantic I tend to pull inspiration from my own relationship.

18. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

I've had a Bughead AU 10+ chapter series plan in my head for a long time now but never put pen to paper. The idea of doing a long fic seems quite intimidating, I guess I'm worried that people won't like it and all my hopes/time will be crushed.

19. Least favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

I wrote a fic called 'Double Date' by request and I felt that the plot was really weak. I didn't really have much to go at on the request and the person who requested it kept asking me when I would be done while I was in the middle of my A Level exams so it just really stressed me out, writing it felt like a chore.

20. Favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

Probably Part 1 of 'Guilty?' because it was my first fic so I felt that I had to really prove myself to the fandom. I got a great response from it though so I was encouraged to keep writing.

21.Favorite character to write?

Jughead, without a doubt.

22. Favorite line or lines of dialogue that you've written?

"AT LEAST YOUR PARENTS WERE SOULMATES!" - 'Odd One Out' Part 1

23. Best comment/review you’ve ever received?

Recently someone told me that they translate some of my fics into Portuguese so their friends could read them and that my writing has helped them improve their English, they were from Brazil.

24. How do you handle bad reviews or comments?

I've never received any hate mail, I don't know how long that will last though. I guess if I did I would either just ignore it or shoot them down with sass, I write for free after all.

25. What is your favorite story you’ve ever written? Any fandom?

Like I said earlier, 'Odd One Out'.

26. What are you reading right now? Both fan fiction and general fiction?

I'm reading 'Lord of Shadows' by Cassandra Clare. Also a fic called 'Wicked Games' by @ariquitecontrary that I'm obsessed with.

27. Do you have an advice for writers that want to get into this fandom but might be scared?

Do not be afraid/self-conscious. I have never received any hate, we are a welcoming fandom. Make sure you tag your writing appropriately so people can find it and reach out to other writers, maybe they will promote your blog. My inbox is always open, I will never fail to reply to you.

[bughead-fic-request]

I would like to thank @leaalda for making these amazing banners.

This is an effort to spread the word about all fan fiction writers in our little fandom. If you would like to be featured or nominate a writer, please contact me. Please reblog this post if you can and check out some of @cooperjones2020 work!

1. First things first, if someone wanted to read your stories where can they find them.

I post all of them on AO3 as well as on tumblr @cooperjones2020 under the tag #mine and on my master list. (also fyi it’s a sideblog, so if you ever get a reply from @acitrusmoon, that’s also me!)

2. Tell us a little about yourself.

I’ve tipped the scale into second half of my 20’s. I’m currently doing my master’s in English lit, focusing on early modern drama and cultural studies. Canada is the third country I’ve lived in. I’ve been in four separate countries within a 24-hour timespan on two separate occasions. I prefer children’s toothbrushes to adult ones. I made my parents let me drop out of preschool when I was four because they wouldn’t give me orange juice.

3. What do you never leave home without?

Nothing. I leave with the absolute bare minimum I can get away with. So 99% of the time I have my phone, but even that’s not a sure thing. If I can stick a card or some cash in my bra so I don’t have to carry a purse or wallet, I’m doing it. If I do have a bag, I definitely have my giant reusable water bottle and a book with me.

4. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Early bird. I’ve hit the level of adulthood where I wake up at like 6:30 sans alarm. And I have no excuse. I don’t have to be at work til 10.

5. If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?

I’ve been thinking about this question and I can’t come up with anything other than HP. I basically learned to read off those books and grew up alongside them. That fictional world is so embedded with my real one, it would be a disservice to pick something else.

6. Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met.

In general, I have no interest in meeting famous people, so I think the most famous person I’ve ever actually met was Roger Ebert at an ice cream shop in Michigan when I was 8. But I’ve been adjacent to famous people. I saw Josh Radnor in my college bookstore, I’ve emailed with John Green, and Chicago Fire used to film in my old apartment in Chicago before it became my apartment. They would still shut our street down to do external shots, and NBC paid my landlord not to gut the apartment when he rehabbed it, in case they needed to use it again.

Does Walk the Moon count as famous now? I’ve met Nick Petricca at parties (figure out what Josh Radnor, John Green, and Nick Petricca have in common, and you’ll learn something else about me).

7. What are some of your favorite movies/TV?

I’m the worst with “favorite” type questions because I change my mind all the time when my attention wanders. So TV shows I’ve loved a long time and will continue to rewatch ad infinitum: Gilmore Girls, Charmed, Boy Meets World. I don’t really re-watch movies, which is my general bar for loving something. I recently saw The Third Man and it blew my mind, so much so that it made it into chapter 5 of “Nobodies Nobody Knows.”

(but also I haven’t had consistent access to a television since 2006 because I went to boarding school for nerds, so I’m out of touch with a lot what’s been on unless I’ve been able to find it on the internet and binge watch it)

8. What are some of your favorite bands/musicians?

Again, I don’t know if I have anyone I would say is a favorite above all the music I like. I cycle through songs I get obsessed with for a week or two. The Spotify playlist I’m currently listening to on repeat includes Halsey, Imagine Dragons, Walk the Moon, Regina Spektor, Lorde, Cigarettes After Sex, Ed Sheeran, Adele, X Embassadors, and Sia. But it’s also my Bughead writing playlist. I’d really like to see Maren Morris in concert.

9. Favorite Books?

I could fill a library with my favorite books. The books that have been most foundational to me as a person were probably HP and the Anne of Green Gables series. The books/authors I loved enough to ship to Canada, which really just means I like rereading them, include Emily Dickinson, Raymond Carver, Louise Erdrich, Junot Diaz, Harper Lee, Milan Kundera, Diana Gabaldon, Deborah Harkness, and a little bit of Nora Roberts and Andrew Greeley for variety. But actually the hardest part of moving back to America will be having to round up all my books and get them to my new place of residence.

10. Favorite Food?

Soup. Which is really a non-answer because there’s infinite varieties.

11. Biggest pet peeve?

People who are passive aggressive and manipulative.

12. What did you want to be when you were little? What do you want to be now?

I went through an intense phase of wanting to be a flight attendant for a while. I was pretty sure I wanted to do a PhD, but the first year of my masters has taught me that I do not want to do that. So now, I have no idea. Something that involving writing and editing as part of its daily tasks. I did some freelancing for SparkNotes earlier this summer and they had a full-time opening that would have been perfect for me if it were a year from now. Before coming back to school, I worked for a tutoring company creating curriculum materials and overseeing/developing tutors.

13. What are your biggest fears? Do you have any strange fears?

The stereotypical things I’m afraid of are heights and clowns. I’m also afraid of bridges and really uncomfortable on escalators, though that’s gotten better. I’m a big believer in facing your fears, so one time I forced myself to do a high ropes course at a team-building retreat and I literally had a panic attack forty feet up in the air.

14. When you are on your deathbed what would be the one you’d regret not doing?

I think I’ll regret the times I’ve said no to things because I was afraid.

Okay… lets talk about your writing!

15. Which is your favorite of the fics you've written for the Bughead fandom?

The one I’m enjoying writing the most/is coming the easiest is ”Second City.” I also really love ”Marked” because it’s the one that got me into the fandom and because it challenged me to go out of my comfort zone.

16. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

“What’s Past is Prologue” because the plot structure is so weird, so I wind up feeling like I’m just hitting the same note over and over.

17. How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? Do you people watch? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?

I haven’t written enough fics to have a developed answer to this. “Marked” and “WPIP” came about because of a conversation @jandjsalmon was having that I lurked on. “Second City” came about because I love post-break up/the characters are now in their 20s fics, and I was homesick (hence the setting). Also, with all the discourse around how healthy and communicative Betty and Jug are, I was wondering what would be a convincing enough circumstance to cause them to break up, and how would they find their way back to each other. As far as individual ideas within the fics themselves, I do, as mentioned, have a writing playlist, but I don’t listen to it while actually writing. Just while I’m doing things around the house or walking to school, which is when I brainstorm. I often have to stop walking and move out of the way so I can type ideas into the notes on my phone. A lot of times, I’ll just get a half a line or sentence that sounds nice and then I’ll have to figure out how to work it in later.

18. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

I haven’t been doing this long enough to be able to answer this question with any level of confidence. I don’t think there’s anything I’ve really wanted to write and been unable to, at least as far as fic goes. I have a lot of half-planned ideas for original stories that refuse to come out how I want them to.

19. Least favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

The next chapter of WPIP because I don’t think it’s doing anything beyond serving as a vehicle to the chapter after it. But I recently had an idea of something to add to it which might help.

20. Favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

I love chapter 5 of “Second City.” I’m genuinely happy about every scene in it, especially the flashback. I also really like the end of chapter 8, parts of chapter 10 and pretty much all of chapter 11. More than plot points/chapters, I tend to love little details or turns of phrase, like the crown scar from “Marked,” or Jughead in a “this is what a feminist looks like” t shirt, or lines like “It hurts. She knows it shouldn’t. She knows it makes sense. But it does. Because it sounds like ‘I don’t think about you’” from “Second City.”

21.Favorite character to write?

Betty because I overly identify with her. In “Second City,” I’ve found Alice and Veronica particularly easy to write in the little they’ve appeared thus far. Like, their voices have been very clear. But watch, I’ve probably just jinxed myself.

22. Favorite line or lines of dialogue that you've written?

I don’t know if I have a favorite, and I use too much dialogue to go back through it all. I try really hard to make it sound realistic. I’m particularly proud of the ending dialogue of chapter 9 of “Second City,” basically everything from after they go back into the spare bedroom.

Also, spoiler: “You harassed Sheriff Keller. You questioned FP. What’s next, Betty? Were you going to interrogate Jellybean?” Betty feels heat suffuse her face. “Oh, you thought I wouldn’t know about that, huh?”

“I did see JB,” she mumbles.

“Fuck, I knew she was lying.”

23. Best comment/review you’ve ever received?

I don’t want to call out anyone in particular because I love and appreciate every single one and I spend way too much time staring at my email waiting for comment notifications. I particularly enjoy when people point out a specific line or plot point that resonated with them, or when they say something rung particularly true to character. I also love when people will talk to me in the comments, because I reply to everyone and literary analysis is my jam.

24. How do you handle bad reviews or comments?

I’ve never had any! I’m not a big enough deal for that.

25. If you could change anything in any of your stories, what would it be?

I would have written more of “WPIP” before posting it because that was my first attempt at anything multi-chapter and I didn’t know what I was doing. I still don’t, but I’ve gotten slightly better at masking it.

26. What is your favorite story you’ve ever written? Any fandom?

Fandom-wise, I’ve only written for Bughead. “Second City”/the “Who Sings Heartache to Sleep” universe is (clearly) my favorite. I actually enjoy rereading old chapters, which is not a place I’ve been with my own writing in ages and ages.

27. What are you reading right now? Both fan fiction and general fiction?

I’m working on my master’s thesis proposal, so I’m doing a lot of reading about early modern theatre, seventeenth century midwifery manuals, and feminist theory. I’m also running a reading group on film noir, so I’ve read several of those this summer. I reread The Unbearable Lightness of Being for the sixth time, but it was for a student I tutor. I’m looking forward to reading a romance novel, probably Nora Roberts, when I visit my parents in a few weeks.

For fic, I’m subscribed to so so many and am behind on most of them. The ones I’ll drop everything to read as soon as I see the notification include anything by @lessoleilscouchants or @sylwrites, Summer Storm by @lazydaizies, Interbellum by @wolfofansbach, Serpent and the Swan by @jugandbettsdetectiveagency, Hearts in Velvet by @raptorlily, Carry On by @soulsofstarsliveinyourveins, Wicked Games by @ariquitecontrary, He Was Gone by @bettyluvsjuggie, What Fools These Mortals Be by @gellbellshead …gah, I know there are more. Those are ones that have either updated recently or that I’ve thought about recently for some reason or another.

28. Do you have an advice for writers that want to get into this fandom but might be scared?

Please please do it. I cannot emphasize enough how welcoming people are. I literally inserted myself in someone else’s conversation like a total creep and it’s the best thing I’ve done in months. I’ve never done anything like that before and definitely wouldn’t be able to in non-internet life. Think about if positions were reversed and you were the one already established in the fandom, how would you react to someone wanting to be your friend? You’d be pretty darn excited. That’s how I feel every day with all of you and I just want to spread the love.

And for writing specifically, and this is cliché advice but, you won’t get better unless you let other people read your work. And letting other people in and letting them be excited (because they will be) will make you so much more confident and motivated.

For real, though, while the last year of my life has been super rewarding personally and I’m happy, it’s also been one of the hardest and loneliest years of my life. And the hits just keep on coming. And you all have made the last month, at least, a lot easier.