#you bless my inbox time and again and i'm so grateful for that

[decidentia]

◈   @chronal-anomaly said: ❛ "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you." Bathed in the glow of the fiery rising sun, Odessa's face softened. Stress lines relaxed, the growl of nightmares long faded by the morning hour and years of hardened labor and stress disappeared. Odessa seemed to be a totally different person in the dawn. Lena wasn't entirely sure when the sketchbook appeared in her hands, when she began highlighting the curve of the woman's lips, the flop of a loose mohawk over her eyes. Something felt vibrant, if temporary, and Lena wanted to capture it for as long as possible. Lena bent over the woman, gazing through her eyelashes at the sleepy but adoring look on the junker. Her face split into a grin as Lena captured Odessa's lips with her own. The sketchbook sat abandoned on the bed beside the former pilot. "Good morning, m'queen." ❜

In that timeless space between sleep and waking, Odessa remembered Lena’s face.  Eternally youthful and pinched with concern, framed by an empty sky of brilliant, blinding blue.  Knurled metal vibrated at her back, while tentative fingers sought her wounds, plugging them.  Still the blood leaked out of her, dripping through corroded holes in the truck bed, making sand curl and bead in a sparse, speckled trail that blazed back to Junkertown.  Odessa wondered, vaguely, if her blood remained deep in the beds of Lena’s nails even now.

No, surely not.  That misadventure had played out days ago, and in the wake of wounds the queen’s life was made to move at a slower pace.  As dawn crept over the horizon, in irradiated shades of carmine and coral, there was nowhere else she needed to be, no business that pressed.  Instead, her sleepy attention was given to her bright-eyed bedfellow.

There was no better awakening, no manner more soothing after a slumber punctuated by nightmares.  Trauma had a way of burrowing into the mind, and in the dark horror seeped from those holes like an infection.  A different kind of bleeding, wounds that could not be sutured and would never entirely heal.  Odessa knew her beloved little bird carried similar scars, that she understood what it meant to live, to lug grief with her.

“G’mornin’ yerself…”

A hazy smirk tugged at the queen’s mouth, scarred lips lifting even as they pursed.  From amidst the body-warm sheets a tanned hand emerged, coming to rest at the nape of Lena’s neck.  Better to have the former pilot come to her, and to hold her there, than to disturb the shrapnel sites.  Linen bindings wound around Odessa’s abdomen, beneath which days-old lacerations were beginning to knit and itch. 

Only once she had her fill of Lena’s lips – kissing her sleepily, adoringly – did her crimson gaze skirt towards what passed for a nightstand.  A grill-faced locker, dented and lustreless, upon which was perched a book.  That was something new.

“Wouldja look at that…” Dez murmured, raising an arm to make room for Lena by her side, should she choose to settle there.  “Didn’t know you kept a diary.”

[yourheart-inmyhands]

HIIIII I LOVE YOUR POSTS SO MUCH IF YOU DIDNT NOTICED I WAS ONE OF YOUR FOLLOWERS WHO LIKE YOUR POSTS THE EARLIEST ANYWAYS I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT AND AMAZING DAY I HOPE YOU FEEL HAPPY AND JOYFULL! STAY SAFE :DDDD

Oh and btw i love love LOVED the last post you made :3 wasnt able to like it early since i was at school but can i please req a Zoro reader with a yan Yelan , Beidou , Alhaitham (all hail the ham XD) and Neuvillete (idk how to spell his name😒🙄) ANYWAYS PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME REMEMBER TO EAT REST AND DRINK WATER <<<333

Plus points if reader is in luffys pirate crew , has 3 swords and stronger than Beidou and Yelan 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

YOUR THE BEST POOKS EHEHHEHEHE<<<<333 :D :3

(stan chuu 🥰🥰🥰😱😱😱)

LOVE YOU POOKS 🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍😍

i didn't wanna answer this one cause it's so cute and i wanted to keep it in my inbox foreverrrrr but i really appreciate the compliments ;v; <33 also i won't lie, Zoro is not one of my favorites from One Piece (i like greasy/deranged men) but i love his character, i was also binging some episodes while writing this and also this is pre-timeskip zoro cause that's where i'm at currently and brainrot be real but i hope you enjoy :D <3

Warning: this post contains yandere-themes, including delusional behaviors, implied being held against will, mentions of violence, and other potential topics. Please read at your own risk!

Yandere!Yelan would be stressed out, not only do you wield three swords and seem to always get yourself in trouble, but you’re always getting lost. She’s at least glad that you can take care of yourself if the need arises but your obsession with being Teyvat’s Greatest Swordsman is a little out of control. She prefers that you don’t go out without her because she knows you’ll get lost, but if you should otherwise she’ll be sure to send out someone to follow you, keeping her informed of your location and every move.

Yelan smiled to herself as you trained in the backyard. While your bizarre workout routine often had her a bit worried, she admired your dedication to her work. There was a lot about you she loved, but your dedication to your goals was what drew her in, reminding her of herself sometimes. She had to keep you on a tight leash though, your lack of direction often leaving you in places you shouldn’t end up in. She never minded though, it was just another of your adorable quirks, something she found keeping her on her toes. Yelan loved you and all your strange, unique quirks. 

Yandere!Beidou would find you very admirable, chasing so strongly after your ambitions as she had. While killing a Leviathan and becoming Teyvat’s Greatest Swordsman are two different life goals, she thinks you're an amazing individual for chasing your dreams so wholeheartedly.

Beidou smiled down at you from the top deck, watching as you polished your blades. While she didn’t understand the need for three swords, she knew you enjoyed it and so she never questioned it. She was grateful you didn’t put up a fight when it came to traveling on the Crux with her, not that you ever seemed to know where they were headed. It just made it easier for her to keep an eye on you, with your habit of wandering off and getting lost just to end up in a fight that she later patches you up from. She loved you and all your quirks but sometimes she wondered how you came to be this way, it wasn’t something you seemed keen to talk about.

Yandere!Alhaitham would find a beloved like this both a blessing and a curse. He loves your passion for swordfighting, often fighting with you for a bit of practice. While you certainly outmatch him with just one sword alone, he uses his intellect to spar with you, learning your moves and putting you into positions where you have to adapt and overcome. He finds the exercise to be an enjoyable break from his work, allowing him to keep his physical skills as sharp as his mental ones. He refuses to let you go anywhere by himself though, worried you’ll get lost and run into trouble, again.

Alhaitham smirked as he blocked another attack from you, having memorized every attack you’ve ever used against him. It was times like this that he enjoyed most with you, a proper challenge between brains and brawn. While your workout routine was intense, his mind was equally as polished, leaving the duels between the two of you relatively intense. On afternoons where you weren’t dueling, it was common to go into town, with Alhaitham usually picking up books or other things at stores while dragging you along with him. Even if he knew you were going to nap the whole time he was gone, he still didn’t trust you to not fight something or get lost while he was gone. So instead he took you to every store with him, keeping a tight watch over you and oftentimes tying a ribbon gently around your wrists that connected to his belt.

Yandere!Neuvillette has no choice but to keep you locked up inside while he’s gone simply because he knows otherwise you’ll get lost and he’ll be seeing you in the courtroom for yet another fight you got into. He doesn’t mind it though, knowing that at home you only do a few things, train, polish your swords, and nap. And while he admires your dream to be Teyvat’s Greatest Swordsman, he thinks you should settle for the strength you currently possess and simply stay here in Fontaine with him.

Unlocking the door and stepping in after a long day in court, Neuvillette isn’t surprised to see you napping in the livingroom. He will admit that the first few times he saw you napping, simply sitting on the floor up against a wall with all three swords nearby, he thought it was strange, insisting that you sleep in the bedroom or at least on the couch. Now though, he understands that it’s simply the way you are, quietly approaching and smirking as your eyes flicker open, looking up at the man. “Your senses are as sharp as ever I see.” Neuvillette offers you a hand, gently pulling you to your feet as you stretch, asking about his day. He enjoys the quiet life he has and he prefers to try and force you to comply than let you roam free, after all he’s doing this for the betterment of society. You’re simply too dangerous.

[queer-muslim-culture-is]

I'm considering converting to Islam after being very absorbed in sufi poetry and starting to read the Quran. The beauty of Islam is stunning. But as a gay man, that is a scary thought. Your blog helps a lot to not feel out of place.

Pls keep up your good work. For every one person who tells you something like this, there are at least 5 who lurk, too afraid to interact.

Bless you

P.S. If you could point to some non-fundamentalist sources on Islam, I'd be very grateful.

this ask has been sitting in my inbox for a while, apologies. i teared up the first time i saw it and im tearing up now again. thank you for the kind words, im so glad you found this blog, and i wish you luck on your journey

as for sources, i try to post as much as i can in #resources, but one of my fav places to find stuff is Muslims For Progressive Values. They have incredible lists of resources surrounding all sorts of topics in many different mediums (articles, book recs, podcasts, videos, etc) They also have my current favorite post arguing for the acceptance of queerness in islam

[kitcat992]

Just wanted to stop by and let you know that I was thinking of you and sincerely hope life is being kind ❤️

I’ve read a few Irondad fics lately that have been so well articulated and beautifully written, and they’ve reminded me of your stories. But your work will always be the GOAT to me. Everything else I read is always compared to your version of the MCU, because that’s canon in my opinion.

I secretly love that your stories keep going, that Identity Within is still a WOP, because parting with a finished story when you reach the end… a story that you’ve grown to love and formed a bond with… it’s really hard to say goodbye. It feels a little like grief if I’m being honest.

I’ve lived in the joy of knowing that there’s no permanent end (yet) to the Identity Series for years now, and I’m actually really grateful that I haven’t had to read an ending or experience that final farewell.

I just wanted you to know that your work is so appreciated, and while I’m sure it weighs on you sometimes that the updates take a while and the series has been ongoing for a few years, it actually brings me so much comfort ❤️ You deserve to know that you make that difference for someone.

Life is being....SOMETHING to me 😅😫😩So when I say that this message rejuvenated the very essence of my soul, I truly mean it ❤️❤️❤️

I've had some very rough nights recently, thanks to the wonders of ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ stress ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟI've got front row tickets to the "when it rains, it pours" show, and to add onto that, I started a whole new career where I'm *running a freaking business.* Yeah, sleep doesn't really happen as often as it should for me.

And because I'm still trying to sleep, I don't keep my mind operating at such a capacity that I could do anything worthwhile other than watch Tiktoks re-read through my series for shits and giggles, because I wrote it having wanted to read these things, and now I can go back and have fun reading the story that was once all jammed packed into my head. And in doing this, I tend to remember comments that made my entire day, month, year, and so I go into my inbox and just....I just read all the comments, over and over again, with such a profound, appreciative, ecstatic, blessed feeling in my heart.

The love that everyone has had for this series is what makes me still so deep in love with it today. And hearing that from people like you, who are so kind to take a minute of your time and express these things as if it were your first time ever reading the story...god, a girl couldn't be anymore lucky. Truly, #hashtag blessed.

My free time is far and few inbewteen these days (why did I decide to go run a freaking business 😳) but I promise you, no job will ever take this series away from me. I'm far too excited for everything that's yet to come, still to be written, and needs to be told, that I'll never leave this piece unfinished. Knowing that the pace it's taken isn't something that bother people does ease my nerves and calm me a bit, and I thank you so very much for expressing that and all the love alongside with it.

Chapter 9, Bachelor Party, is one BEAST of a chapter that's nearing closer and closer to finished every day. I hope for an update within the month or two. It contains a whooping 17 characters in a single scene, with character interactions we damn right deserved in the MCU. 2/3rds of the way done and and I think my inability to control the word count says enough about what to expect.

These characters have gone through far too much to rush through chapters now. In fact, the more things go on, the richer things get -- and to know amazing people like you are along for the ride...that's just so dam nifty. ❤️❤️❤️

[jakeyt]

if anyone is giving you a hard time about not posting or not writing i will personally beat them up. that person doesn’t know respect or patience. and rushing someone to do something won’t make anything happen. i hope there is no pressure at all to write, art takes time. you deserve the world and adulting gets so hard and busy sometimes it’s hard to do anything you enjoy. anyways… all that being said, happy valentine’s day!! thinking of jake and a cutesy date with him hehehe;)

Nonnie, this message made me feel all of the emotions.

Thank you for being so supportive and sweet amidst some pressure from other sources! There are a few messages in my inbox that I am just choosing not to share due to a) confusion (bc they were sent in before chapter 10 and I waited too long to answer them lol) and b) being written with frustration-laced words over chapter 10 not being posted soon enough.

Your message was exactly what I needed to read. I am so grateful! Thank you, thank you <3 You are so kind and precious and I am blessed by the way you articulated this message -- YOU GET IT. Adulting is ridiculously busy anyways.

And, to make it even better, this season of my life has just been harder than most and has included a lot of literal aching depression (iykyk) and raging anxiety in my personal life (if I'm getting real honest in the chat...).

Saying that, it surely (definitely) means things have been abnormal and stressful. And naturally, when that happens, I turn to my hobbies. My hobbies that make me feel OKAY when otherwise, I don't. So, because of who I am, I write ALL THE TIME to escape reality -- I write so much that I haven't really had time to even read. (Ask anyone in my family, including @joshym...I write all the time.)

And so, I've been leaning on my hobbies -- breathing life through them (bc real life sure ain't letting me breathe enough). So of course, when I get any less-than-kind messages about not updating quickly enough, it just takes away the feeling of "okayness" in the ONE area of my life that I normally feel consistently peaceful in. I love when you guys send in things about the story or even when you ask when an update is coming... HOWEVER, the messages that are specifically targeting how I am not updating speedy enough for your liking... that does tend to rub me the wrong way. :/

SO, again, thank you, Nonnie, for being patient, understanding, and incredible at being a great friend and reader! I love you and appreciate your support more than words <3 <3 <3

Oh, and YOU are the one who deserves the world!!!! All of you beautiful friends and readers of mine who show me patience and unwavering support -- THANK YOU! <3 This story would be nothing without my readers -- I owe it to you all!!!!

[minhxiao]

1.30.24

i am drinking longan, red date, and goji berry tea. lately i've really taken to it and have been drinking it every night. it makes me feel like an old apothecary, reaching into my cabinet to find the jars of dried herbs and tossing a little bit of this and that into my cup to brew my nightly health elixir. this particular combination is great to drink in the winter and can help with blood circulation (something i am always in need of). it's warming my cold fingers as i write this.

lately whenever i open up twitter wanting to tweet something, i just get overwhelmed and i end up closing the app with a slight sigh. i don't feel bad. people take breaks from fandom all the time. but it always feels a bit difficult to come back and makes me question if i even should. i do feel a little bad about the messages in my ao3 inbox that i haven't responded to yet. i feel an obligation to the people who read my writing even though it's an obligation not tied by anything except a love for fanworks. and nearly all of those people are extremely patient and understanding of me.

truthfully, i haven't really been excited about genshin and genshin fandom lately. the excitement will come back (maybe soon, with the new patch) and maybe i'll dive back into it with a renewed vigor. but for now, i'm letting myself enjoy other things. (i have caught up on a lot of shows and books recently and it's felt really nice).

i also have had some major life updates recently. it's a little scary but change is always like that. despite the good things, i still feel a strange string of melancholy and dread permeating through my days. the universe has granted me the blessing of something new, so i should welcome it with open arms and here i am, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. i always expect awful things to happen, because in my life, something good is always accompanied by something disastrous. my therapist and i talked about how i am like orpheus looking back at the last second, wondering, "is it really true? is everything i love gonna follow me?" only to find my own shadow staring back at me. funny, how that story goes. i'll do my best to resist looking back.

anyway, despite how inactive i've been, i still have been writing though. quite a bit, surprisingly. i've been pouring a lot into this haikaveh/kavetham wip recently (a ship that i never thought i'd ever write for. but maybe it's bc of my life recently and i've been feeling like a kaveh kinnie). it's currently at 20k words and writing it has made me fall in love with writing again. partially i think it's because i haven't announced much about it (or made the mistake of eagerly posting the first chapter before it's all finished) and there are no expectations, just me and my outline and a cup of tea. it feels so much better writing when i let go of the perceived expectations i have for myself. i feel so creative lately. maybe the best work really does come from stillness and endurance. i've outlined tbal all the way to the end (although writing it has been admittedly difficult. there's something bittersweet to me, thinking about tbal ending). and also, i'm extremely grateful to have been accepted into 2 zines recently (meriwether: an anemo boys zine! and another, secret one that i'm not sure i'm allowed to announce yet) and i'm really excited about the pitches i made for those. i can't wait to share it all soon. if you are waiting, thank you for your patience.

if you've read through this rambling personal update, thank you. i hope life has been treating you well. and if life hasn't, then i hope you're treating yourself well. i hope you have things that bring you joy and that your hands are always warm and if not, then i'll recommend some longan, red date, and goji berry tea. cheers, minh.

[alphabetboyluvr]

hi holly :)

thank you for taking the time to read & respond!! i know you probably have your own load of things so it means a lot. i appreciate you <3

&girl this is your influence! i’m inspired by you!! no but seriously, i feel like asks are my opportunity to give show you the energy you give out. like i’m just reflecting a part of it back to you🫂 not sure if that makes any sense, but i always want shower you with the emotions you make me feel. even if most of them stem from delusion😂🤍

and the trip sounds so exciting!!!! IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU & BESTIE🫶🏽 may you both create the greatest of memories on this new adventure! anticipating the debrief when you get back!!!!!!!

i’ve been well thank you for asking :) missing yoongi but what’s new. a close friend of mine is getting married soon so i’ll be traveling. it’s insane to think i’m at a point in my life where weddings are becoming more common. but i also find that it’s a blessing to experience other people’s love <3 i’m starting to accept the concept that is growing up. still want to fight it sometimes, but baby steps!!

thank you again for putting up with all my antics <3 i truly am sending you my best wishes 💌🎧

ALSO THANK U SM FOR THE HUSH UPDATE I LIVE THERE NOW BTW

it's okay!! i think im very lucky to be afforded with such kindness and so i try and get back to as much as i can (my inbox is current sitting at around 150 unanswered so i really am sorry if i haven't managed to get back to you!!). i am so grateful and appreciative <3

we are all a little bit delusional, but the happiest people always tend to be!!! so i hope it means that we all find joy in some things!

he he he if i meet and fall in love with a gorgeous aussie surfer on my travels, you guys will never hear from me again!! i shall be gone!!! like the wind!! it's a short trip but honestly I'm soooo excited to see bestie <33 we're both living away from our home country so it's gonna be so nice a reminder of home!

wild isn't it? all of my friends are settled in long-term relationships heading for marriage, and my other bestie who i was due to have a hot girl European summer with has fallen pregnant with her new boyfriend so that's certainly gonna change plans haha. i'd like the world to pause for a little bit, I'm not ready to say goodbye to our youth just yet.

thank you for checking in again! it's always lovely to hear from you. i hope that aquarius season treats you well <33

AND IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT!!

[doppopoppo]

Thank you for being the one who quenches my Kumatani thirst

I am very grateful

Thank you😭

IT'S SO DIFFICULT TO FIND KUMATANI SMUT YOU'RE A GOSH DARN BLESSING

Your writing is great too! Very engaging keep up the good work

Hello! I haven't been in my inbox FOR A LOOONG time due to lack of time and motivation. So I'm now just seeing this but omg thank you!!!? 🥺 it means a lot and I haven't stopped writing for Uramichi-san. Just been busy with life and writers block hasn't helped. Hopefully one day I'll write for them again!

[redhead-reporter]

YOU are fantastic. I adore you. You are just the kindest person. You really forced me into buying a video game that I played for like 30 seconds (More like 3 hours of losing to the first boss multiple times) and then never again (I will I'm just horrible) BUT you really just have the coolest vibe. <3

º ✧ 。 random love in the inbox from @atimebomb !

you are such a sweet soul and a blessing to have on my dash ❤️ i will never have enough words to say how grateful i am for all the harry/mj goodness you have brought into my life but mostly for how kind and welcoming you’ve always been to me ooc (no matter how long i take to reply or if i take weird breaks). it’s so huge and i adore you for it.

it is seriously the BIGGEST compliment to me when people say they’ve decided to play/re-play the game based on my mj, i just hope i do her justice :’)

[chaotictarlos]

I am a TK whump/Carlos angst fan and I get everyone who wants Carlos to be hurt but I also get sad and hope it will be TK again because I simultaneously cannot believe my luck that he is whumped so often and am a greedy bitch who wants to see it again and again and again. “Push” is truly the gift that keeps on giving because the fandom is still all over it 10+ months later and it has gotten me through the toughest year. So grateful for that episode and all the creators who keep it on my dash and my AO3 inbox. Bless.

I want all the whump, lol. I really would like to see Carlos Whump this season and I know that it would be really good and seeing the angst it would cause TK... but I'm also happy with TK Whump too! The way Carlos always handles it and the amount of love that we always see when he's in the midst of the angst that TK being hurt is always beautiful. But I really hope that this season we get to have Carlos Whump. I really like Rafa's idea and would love for the writers to work with him to make it come true.

"Push" IS EVERYTHING. I love "Push" so much. It's one of my favorite episodes. I watched it no less than a dozen times this past week because I needed to use some of the scenes in it for my breakup era fic. I will never get over that episode. There is just so much there and every time I watch it I notice something new that I hadn't noticed the first 100 times I've watched it.

I'm happy that it was bale to get you through the year and I hope this upcoming year is more kind to you.

Come talk to me!

[xokiddo]

YAYAYAY i’m so glad to see you more active! i have so many things to say to you since you’re one of my fav blogs but my thoughts are so scattered😩 CONGRATS ON GRAD SCHOOL!!! i hope all goes well and that it treats you kindly!

i just got around to hammer chapter 14 and i adore it i love it and you really know how to make your readers stick around. on that note, don’t worry about updating frequently, school first! you’ve already got me hooked and any crumbs from you are enough for me!

i also re read heart of glass recently after leaving a very emotionally and verbally difficult relationship (i can’t bring myself to call it the A word yet); it hit so much differently this time and i can’t thank you enough for it. getting to heal along with it (especially in a new relationship) has been very therapeutic.

LASTLY i saw you tag soul eater and i didn’t know you liked it… it’s one of my fav animes 😭 i thought you couldn’t get any cooler omg, pls save some from the rest of us

- anon who rereads your work

Aww you can always come back into my inbox!! I swear I'm friendly lol I'm always down for people in my inbox/messages, I am trying to be better about responding quicker if I don't manage to right away. And thank you!

Omg! I'm grateful for you (and all my readers honestly) for sticking with me on Hammer because it's a slow labor of love but I know the emphasis is on the slow part right now 🥲 I'll always share Hammer crumbs too or my general musings on it without spoilers, too, if you ever want to pop in with a bowl for crumbs. 😂

Okay fandom things aside - I am so thankful that you are out of the relationship and safe! Saying the A word is a big step, but it's a healing step. It's important to be able to acknowledge what it is so that you can take the steps past it, too. All in your own time, though. Don't let anyone rush that for you - and that includes yourself. I have had a few people in comments or messages say similar sentiments, and I don't take for granted any of them. Being able to utilize my own experiences and create a story that can be enjoyable, therapeutic, any of it, for you and others is something I treasure. So thank you for letting me be a part of that journey for you! (also thank you for re-reading HOG as much as I want to pick it apart a few years later, it's so important to me still)

AND YOU LIKE SOUL EATER AHHHH I will ALWAYS readily shriek about it because I LOVE it and think it's wildly underrated. I have all the thoughts and feelings about it.

You are so lovely thank you for blessing my inbox again 😍

[winderlylandchime]

Hello! The anon from before about the Tattoo fic. I feel like at this point you can just expect me to be in your inbox after a new chapter all the time. I just finished the new chapter and I am trying to calm myself down just enough to put words into a sentence but I AM FREAKING OUT AND IT IS HARD! My heart broke into a million pieces every new paragraph. I have so many thoughts from Vic and Brian’s conversation, to Mikey??? And Mikey and Brian???? And Mikey and Ben?? I can’t even fully decide what my thoughts are on like two of those topics but I know they’re there. And just Brian alone? My heart! This is killing me! This is what we deserved to also see in the show! Damn you writers, what a missed opportunity! But bless you for making it a reality! I had time to read it at work (big mistake) and this paragraph and I apologize for literally sending you your own words back, but this paragraph: ‘And Brian, Brian is mourning the loss of their future, imagined, an entire future imagined in a single moment in a dark parking garage where two men stood and looked into each other's eyes and didn't say anything.’ IT ABSOLUTELY BROKE ME! My jaw actually dropped and no joke I teared up. I had to reread this paragraph like 5 times in order to move past it. It fully described everything from just what happened to every single emotion and regret and anger and fear and love. My god, you are killing me with every single chapter and I absolutely love it. And the part in the fic where they try to have sex and then the aftermath? Absolutely nailed it, with once again emotions and just everything. I am struggling to put it into words but just so you know it was a very very beautiful and emotional chapter to read even if the ending absolutely destroyed me to the point where I very silently said ‘no’. My God, I cannot wait for when I will be able to reread the entire fic from start to finish and let it destroy me all over again all while also putting me back together.

Hello dear sweet anon!

Thing you (or anyone) never needs to apologize for: quoting my words back to me. I don't want to presume to speak for every author but I'm pretty sure this is a universal thing. I LOVE HEARING what words meant something to you and made you feel something.

I know the Brian-Mikey-Ben of it all remains a bit ambiguous. There was going to be more of it in this chapter but it was getting long so I shifted some plot to the next chapter (and I think for that everyone is unknowingly grateful - I would have left everything on a bit of a painful cliffhanger and honestly my heart after Good Omens S2 Ep6 just couldn't handle it). The ambiguity is also on purpose. These characters? They do not communicate. If suddenly Brian and Michael were to sit down and hash out feelings for Justin, Ben, and each other that would be wildly OOC so having some wanting to shake them and make them talk is needed.

That flashback to that moment in the garage? I'm so glad that landed. It was one of my favorite lines to write. It makes me happy when I'm proud of a line and then IT GETS QUOTED BACK TO ME. I don't play sports but, like, touchdown!

I'm so glad the sex scene didn't seem gratuitous. I was trying to find a parallel to the scene in S2 when Justin panics. I could have done the exact scene (because it's so good and also the parallel to that and then during the cancer arc... LOVE) but I set up this bit early on with Justin's relationship with Ethan. It hurts just that bit more because it's not only something that he has "lost" as a result of the bashing but it's triggering all those old bad memories with Ethan. (I'm know I'm cruel and heartless and I love the angst... but only because the resolution feels better as a result.)

Thank you for coming to my ask box. As you saw in the author's notes, these sorts of things absolutely feed me.

[spynorth]

hey. hey lucas.

i think ur super neat

Random love, always accepting !!

@fatecrafted ADAM THIS WAS OLD and I don't know how I lost it in my inbox but I was scrolling and I'm glad I did because seeing it again was just like .. perfect timing. This week has been wild but I'm so blessed to have friends like you (and a partner like hunter obviously lmao) who don't let me forget that I'm valid in existing. I saw you weren't feeling too well today and I hope you get better soon. Hunter told me you've started the night circus and i'm screaming about that honestly. I hope you enjoy it ! I'm interested in seeing if you pick up a muse haha. I'm so grateful to have you in my tumblr life, your writing and your passion for your collection of characters never ceases to amaze me. I don't even remember who found who first like two years ago but .. i'm glad we did !!

[wayofsparta]

This game is just...really unforgiving to Kassandra/Alexios when it comes to fathers, huh? Lmao Nikolaos dropping them from a mountain as a child for this fake prophecy and his sense of duty, only to find out he's step-dad and their real father is this immortal that made them to further his agenda. This game gives me trust issues.

[toruvi]

Take two, after Tumblr binned off my first ask HA 🥹

Hi Ley! 😊

So of course I read the latest chapter of PWASOI as soon as it dropped, but I’ve been skulking around while my creative brain reboots itself, so my capacity for coherent comments at the time left a lot to be desired 🤣

But now I’m back around a bit and I needed to come and scream in your inbox!! Because IT ENDED ME!

I loved the whole chapter so much - the restaurant banter, reader getting to see Levi’s place, the reveal of Levi’s tattoo - which I am VERY intrigued about - but there was one moment in particularly that choked me up and made my heart go all funny.

You wrote reader’s anxiety attack so damn well. The way you captured the sensations and emotions was so good, but then when Levi started using the approach he’s been taught to bring her back out of it? I wanted to cry and also hug him so hard. Hug them BOTH so hard. It was genius to highlight his quiet vulnerability through a moment where he’s being a source of strength for reader. Like, he knows this shit because he’s gone through it, too. This chapter really made me realise how similar they both are in a lot of ways, especially in terms of experiences and what they want out of life, and why that makes them good for one another.

Basically, it was perfection, as always. Thank you for blessing us once again with your wonderful writing. I’m hugely grateful and I also really appreciate how you take your time over this fic - I feel it when I read - that it comes from a place of pure enjoyment and genuine passion for your story. I read it while sitting in a coffee shop with a disgustingly sweet frap with whipped cream, and it was honestly one of those moments where you get a little break from life and go - yeah, this it. This is the good shit. God-tier writing and frozen caffeine through a straw 😌

So thank you for that experience!! 🥰 I hope you’re all good anyway; sending you lots of love from my little corner of the world! 💖

LIZZZZ ;;; one I'm sorry that tumblr ate your other ask dkjfhsg BUT AAA

;;; the parallels of reader and levis experiences with anxiety makes me very soft when i think about it :((( i cry you are so incredibly sweet about this story thank you so much for reading and always sending such nice things ;; i know EXACTLY what you mean wth having those moments in life!! i hope life is treating you welll it's nice to see you on my dash again! <3333 tysm!! <333

[indimlights]

✨Merry christmas Cille✨

To: @birthdaysentiment 💛

-> From: @indimlights (Rodrigo)

Hi Cille! I guess it's up to me to kick off this "little" surprise but I don't even know where to start...

I remember really well the first time I saw a post of yours, I was still lurking back then and the moment I read it I felt so many things, things I don't know how to describe and that I never thought words could make me feel and I knew, I just knew that I had to see more. Fast-forward a couple of hours I knew your blog by heart, I had looked at so many of your posts and every single one was as amazing as the first one, as touching as the first one and as deep as the first one.

The meaning you put on words still gets to me every single day, you have such a way into them and don't even get me started on your music analysis. The moment I read the first one I was mind-blown! The things you catch, the connections you make between the music and the scene, the way you describe the scenes, it makes me go back, relive the moment and feel everything I felt the first time I watched it and all this just by... reading your words! If that doesn't tell me how amazing you are with them I don't know what will.

From that day I always wished I could talk to you, get to know the person behind the words, behind the masterpieces, behind the blog because you seemed like such a sweet person and now... After some time, I got that chance and I'm so happy I got it. You are everything I thought you would be and 1000x more, you are sweet, caring, smart, loving, wise, joyful and so supportive to me and to everyone in this community! You always spread love and that's so important and so nice of you to do, the way you write essays in the tags for everyone's posts just shows that! It's such a simple thing but means so much.

And I'm not even mentioning how talented you are with non-written posts because those are on another level aswell, I mean you always surprise me with your ideas and creativity and just knowing that whenever I come here I will have some sort of attack waiting for me just keeps me going and I love everything you do so much.

I'll never be able to thank you enough for being so welcoming when I barely knew anyone and for making me feel so much more comfortable here! Getting to know you better and to share this experience with someone like you has been a blessing and I wouldn't change any second of it, thank you for everything you have done and for always being so sweet to me. I don't understand what I did to deserve all that but that just shows again how wonderful you are.

I'm wishing you a merry christmas! Surrounded by everyone you love and that makes you happy because you deserve that and so much more, please never change, never stop being like this, a special and wonderful person. I hope you enjoy this surprise :) Have a wonderful day Cille 💛

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-> From: @remy3010 (Remy)

Hihi Cille❤ I love your blog so much especially music analysis! I just fall in love with your music analysis since your first posts.

For me whose mother tongue is not English, it takes a while to read but I'd love to. Because these articles deserve more people to see (including me)！

I have read every article of yours, the content touches me all the time. (Sometimes I have a lot of words want to tell you, But I don’t know how to speak in English..sorry🥺so I give❤ and reblog)

Anyway, thank you for writing beautiful words and sharing with us! I hope you can keep this passion forever, and everything go well. May you have wonderful days my friend ❤

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-> From: @franboos (Francine)

hi bb cille,

wanted to tell u that i love u blog and the time u put into analyzing stuff is shhshdhdhdhd. queen shit. u seen so genuine to talk to idk, i get those nice, non judgmental, relaxed and cool vibes from u. lmao. pls stay on tumblr for as long as u can cuz i love ur posts. u notice such little things in clips from wtfock, like u have a very detailed eye miss hehe. i really want to get to know u more cuz i really think we could vibe v well together, and that’s on perioood 😌. i hope u have a great great day while reading this queen. never stop what you’re doing cuz ur great at it. i love you !!

many kusjes and knuffels*,

fran

(*knuffels means hugs but also stuffed animal in dutch, did u know that? otherwise now u do, nice isn’t it)

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-> From: @dagcutie (Pauline)

hey hey cille!!

I must admit i’m very much a fan of you and your blog

first of all, your posts? chefs kiss!! i mean your music analysis are amazing and so on point, your photo edits are always perfect and the colorings are so beautiful, your long text posts 'drabble/headcanon style' are so cute and always makes me so soft and emotional...

your love for black and white? that’s a big yes!! anyways everything you do is perfect!!

also can we take a moment to appreciate your person? i think we can and we must do it..

you’re always so supportive and kind, all the nice tags you let under peoples creations are so sweet!! I also could cry about how cute you are always leaving lovely messages to people inbox or coming randomly to them to say something nice.. you’re the most beautiful soul and a blessing for this fandom!! please never stop being you!! ily a lot, sending you all my love and i wish you an amazing day<3

knus og kys til dig💛✨

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-> From: @allee-sander (Tanya)

Cille, you are an amazing person. you are so kind and loving. every time i see you on my dash, my face lights up. you are a literal angel. you are loved and appreciated, never forget that.

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-> From: @tsjernobyl (Emma)

Cille, you are a genuinely kind and loving soul who's just on this site to talk about the things you love and spread a little joy and everyone can tell that the moment they go onto your blog. i've seen you be nothing but lovely to everyone you interact with and it's a real honor to be mutuals with you and interact from time to time. You are always one of the sweetest and most supportive people here, and i hope you feel that love flowing back to you at all times because you always have my warmest wishes and love!!!!!

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-> From: @dreamaur (Ann)

How does it feel to be so cool and sweet and supportive??? I love you and your mind and how you see so many details and capture them so well with words,,,queen keep going with your top tier analysis and text posts that make me emotional everything single time

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-> From: @annonymannonym (Alice)

Where do I even begin ummm ... well words may not be enough to describe such angelic human being that Cille is but today is about her *about you Cille* !♡! Honestly I’m so so happy and honoured and so grateful to have meet and know you and come along your blog and your amazing posts and edits , let’s s not forget about the masterpiece that your analysis is cuz I live for every single one of them ! Always so on point and touchy and so so emotionally, they give you a whole new perspective and point of view and helps you connect with the person that goes throught those feelings , helping you understand so much deeper the feelings and the emotions he experience in that right moment( so thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking your time and writing these it really shows how much passion and love you put on making these! they absolute helped me to understand and feel much more the meaning behind all these little moments you captured so so well and wonderful ! ) You’re always such a blessing here so lovely friendly so goodhearted and sooo on ... < insert here all the good compliments in the world > cuz they all applies to you ! Know that you’re so special and such a light a sunshine wherever you are and go , you always spread so much positivity and good energy and love and compassion and you support every single people your way comes along with and you shown so much respect and love and understanding ! Always with a wise and thoughtful mind and with the right words at you using them with so much care and mining fullness ! And your blog i love love love it the b&w aesthetic and your love for it owns my heart !! I adore your posts so much ( or ramblings or thoughts as you may call them but know they are so so much more than that its a way of yours to express yourself and open up and pour every feeling you experience and many people found themselves and feel with you , I find myself in them and resonate with them every time ! ahh and your tags that you write in every post are sooo sweet and cute i could read them all day long just coming on your blog and read them makes my day so much better ) they are such a good way to brighten your day and they put a smile on my face whenever i see you on my dash truly a blessing to have you here! Never forget how unique and special human being you are and every one who has you in their lives are very blessed to have you ! Never change being this beautiful inside and out but most importantly inside ! literally a tresure your soul is and must be protected at all cost so take very good care of it ! Don’t forget to always do what makes you happy and gives joy and peace and just you know that good feeling you have in your chest and heart whenever you do something you love and like with passion and joy. I could say so much more but maybe I’ll repeat myself cuz there are never enough compliments to say about how wonderful person you are! you deserve every single one of them ! I really meant every word i said from the bottom of my heart and know that i really apreciate and love all you do and I’ll be here to support you anytime! You deserve the absolute world and more!! love you Cille! ♡ Okey bye✿

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-> From: @robbesdriesen (Bianca)

Cille ~ such a lovely presence to see on my dash always!! Your support towards everyone in the fandom is more than appreciated and so is your love that you continuously aim to spread <3

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-> From: @happilyinsane (Dharaa)

Hey Cille 💕

Just wanted to say that I think you are really sweet and lovely. I see you everywhere on the tumblr. Wanna thank you for keeping this fandom alive during the drought and keep us entertained. I see your tags on people's posts and I always feel like you are so kind and sweet to spend your time appreciating people's work. Doesn't matter if its a photo or an edit or whatever. You are so nice to pay attention to everyone individually. You are such a good friend/mutual, always appreciating and sliding into their asks and just making their day a lil bit better. You definitely bring so many smiles on our faces. I am sure everyone is very thankful to have you in this fandom, I know I am.

I know we haven't interacted that much but thank you for sliding into my asks and giving me an opportunity to interact with you. You are the sweetest, baby. And I hope you like this whole thing that Rodrigo is doing, because you definitely deserve it. Keep lighting up our dashes with your posts, pls. Ilysm 💕

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-> From: @alwaysaneverland (Sarah)

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-> From: @theflowerisblue (Lola)

Cille! You’re such a present part of the tag! You’re always interacting and posting and I love reading what you have to say. Your music analysis are so interesting and I also think you’re really funny! I love your black and white aesthetic and most of all I love how supportive and positive you’re towards everyone!

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-> From: @fvae (Fae)

hi cille!! I'm really glad to have met you through this fandom and I hope you like the surprise!! I loved to read your song analysis because they're always on point and well thought of👌 💯  and your edits!! *chef's kiss*

sending you lots of love and hugs 💕💖💫

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-> From: @embeddedinmybrain (Tasfia)

Hi Cille! You are just a ray of sunshine!! And you are the sweetest and kindest person here. I loved following through with your wtfock music analysis posts bc everything you felt is exactly what I felt. They made me really emotional!! And of course I (and Sarah and Fae) appreciate your tags for moyo season so much. We wait for them and we read them to each other and we just love seeing your reactions to it. Your edits are incredibly amazing too and I love the colouring in them. You are just an amazing sweetheart and I’m so glad to know you 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕

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-> From: @veerledejaegers (Soph)

Cille, you are very friendly and sweet, always insightful and seem like an incredibly lovely person that i hope i can get to know better ❤️(also love the black and white aesthetic)

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-> From: @sanderxrobbee (Semri)

Cilleeeeeeeeeeee loml!!!! Merry Christmas to you! I genuinely wish you all the best and I hope you get to spend all the holidays in the best way possible! You’re such a blessing to this fandom because you’re talented in every single way, whether it’s your writing or your godly Photoshop skills, oh and let’s not forget your dedication because you’re there all the time to brighten our days and make us smile. I haven’t known you for long, but I truly love and appreciate all you do and I’m grateful that you always take the time to compliment everything and everyone. You have no idea how much it makes me smile when you say my gifs are good because I’ve yet to learn a lot, but you are seriously one of the biggest reasons I haven’t given up the second something got too complicated. Where am I going with this? No idea. Anyway, I adore the fuck out of you and I’m happy to take part in this “project” because you really deserve all the love in the world. Once again, happy holidays!

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-> From: @hopelessromanticvirgo (Elene)

Talking about you Cille is making me always so emotional but I will try my best not to burst out from love and emotions. You’re one of the sweetest person here and I will never get tired of saying that.

We haven’t talked that much directly but I don’t need that to know you’re one of the greatest person here, I just know that for sure. I’m also sure about it because I can see the way you treat people? Even speaking about your tags? Like you take the time out of your day to make sure everybody gets love and everybody gets attention. You make all of us smile and I adore your tags on my stories. You can’t even imagine how many times I have reread your posts about it, like I crave it, I’m in love with it, it makes me feel so happy and so loved and I’m certain that everybody else feels the same way too. You always know how to make everybody’s day better and how to make them feel special.

And please, don’t even get me started on your posts! Your song analysis. Like I know I’ve told you this thousands of times before but I don’t care, I’m saying it again! The way you pictured and described all those songs and scenes!!! Like wow! I’d always reread your posts about that one specific scene after rewatching the season countless of times. (And you also did so many scenes!! I’m in awe and I’m emo from just thinking about it)

Watching clips were different but reading them with lyrics were a whole other thing. I just felt so connected with the whole story and scenes when I’d ready your posts. And connect scenes with the music and it was the best thing ever. Sometimes I still go back and reread some of my favorite posts of yours. I never get tired of it.

And you’re so kind and so sweet that I could write essays about it! Such a blessing to this world! I just love you a lot okay? Everybody needs somebody like you, somebody who shines from kindness and love and people around you must be so lucky who get to meet you everyday and talk to you!

Thank you so much for everything you do, for being you and for making my day better and making me smile every time you reblog my posts or every time I just see your username on my dashboard! It’s such a small gesture but means so much!

Thank you for existing, babe! I hope you’re gonna have a wonderful day! And I’m sending you the biggest hug and my positive vibes! I hope a smile never leaves your face! And I only wish the best things up onto you! I love you! ❤️❤️❤️

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-> From: @itubainaretro (Esther)

Cille, my queen!!! Hi, sweetheart! Just dropping by to say that I hope you’re having a good day, despite the situation that the world is in, and that you’re feeling happy, loved, cherished and warm today, because you’re you and you deserve to feel all the best feelings in the world! I wish you all the happiness in the world and that all your wishes come true too, because you sure deserve it! Thank you for being this amazing, inspiring, talented and sweet person that you are and that I’ve come to know a little bit in the past few months! I know we don’t exactly talk that much, but I want you to know that I love seeing you, your beautiful edits and your extremely heart warming “moments that live in my head rent free” posts on my dash daily! They all really make my days! Thank you for sharing your posts with us and making this fandom (and the world, honestly) a better place! You’re amazing and I’m really glad I pressed the follow button the day I did when I started following you! I hope this little message makes you smile today, babe! Best wishes and lots and lots of love,

Esther (itubainaretro) ♥️

PS: don’t forget to hydrate yourself, wear a mask and stay safe haha xxxx.

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-> From: @driesendotkom (Marie)

Dear cille,

the reason i‘m writing this is to simply say thank you. thank you for being such a stable part of the fandom. every time i go into the tag i know i will see you there and it makes me smile every time. i can’t tell you how many hours i spent reading every one of your song analysis. even now a year after season 3 ended i find myself going back to them now and then to reminisce and relive those moments all over again.

i also want to say thank you for being such a kind and welcoming person. you care so much about the people you are close to. you are so easy to talk to and you make the people around you feel comfortable instantly. you brought a little bit of hygge into my life and one more time i want to say thank you 💛

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-> From: @driesenrobbe (Becca)

my dear, sweet, cille! you never fail to make me smile and im beyond happy that we became mutuals! im sure i’ve already said this a million times before but you really do have the biggest heart and i couldn’t thank you enough for all the love and support you constantly share to everybody in the wtfock fandom. plus the talent you possess... girllllll i love seeing your edits and reading your posts (honestly your mind is just wowowowow, it’s on a whole other level of incredible and i hope you know just how wonderful you are). also the way you always write entire essays in the tags of other posts... like you really do take the time to make everyone feel so welcomed and loved, and I’m sending you an infinite amount of love and appreciation in return! you really are the sweetest, most caring person who deserves all the happiness in the world, an actual ray of sunshine! i hope you know how loved and cherished you are, and that good vibes are always being sent your way. Many hugs and kusjes, ilysm!!!! <3

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-> From: @mijnlief (Eline)

Dear Cille,

This year has been a weird one, but I do know that it has also been one of the best because of meeting you. In such a short time we became so close, and I am so grateful to have met you during these weird times. We are so alike in many ways and I love that so much. Our Skype conversations are my favorite and the essays you send me about my writing and just about me being me always make me feel happy and loved. You are the kindest and most generous person ever. I hope you know how special you are. I am so proud of you for everything you have achieved this year and for choosing yourself in situations where it got hard to make a choice in the first place. I know I tell you that everyday, but it doesn’t hurt to say it again right here. I hope this post makes you smile, because you deserve that so much for just being who you are. You bring happiness to all of my days and I can’t wait to hug you one day soon when everything in the world calms down again. I love you lots! 🧡 Eline

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-> From: @onzeziggy (Laurien)

My sweetest Cille, where do I even begin? I suggest we should just begin from the very beginning and I’m sorry in advance if this is going to be a long, sappy text! But now that I have the chance (shout out to Rodrigo) for saying everything I want, I’m not able to tell you how long this will take.

So Cille, I still remember very clearly the first time I saw your account appearing on my dash. It was a music analysis from one of the songs from season 3. I was so amazed by it, because I could imagine how much time it takes to make it and observe every little detail in a single clip. I immediately fell in love with the concept of it and one week later, when you posted another one, my mouth dropped to the floor. Another music analysis? From the same person? Who is she and how do I become her friend? After that second post, I immediately started following you and became your little fangirl. I don’t lie when I say I was waiting every week for a new update of your incredible music analysis nor when I say I loved every single one of them (and still do). I know I already said this a million times, but your words of telling what was going on in every clip, about the emotions present in them, and how the music blended all of it together… No one, and I mean no one could have done it any better! I will forever be grateful for those posts and I want to thank you once again for wanting to share them and your talent with us!

After the music analysis adventure, your picture edits catched my eye. I love them so so much and I also took some creation of it for making some myself. Still, I was this little fangirl, knowing your name is Cille, but also wanting to know so much more about the person behind one of my favorite blogs. And now, during this hiatus, I can say I’ve got to know you and I couldn’t be any happier about it! Starting with little comments in each other’s tags, having little chats in the comment sections to screaming about a possible drawing of Robbe from Sander on their one year anniversary. And look at us now, reblogging almost every post and writing essays in each other’s tags hahah! Honestly, it keeps me alive during these times and I’m so glad I can do this together with you! I live for your attacks! Aaaah now that I’m talking about an attack, the fact that you have a dimples post ready is making me so excited and I think about it every day! We both know what’s important in love and life and that’s Robbe’s dimples! But this right here shows once again what an amazing sweet person you are! No one on here has ever done anything like this for me before, so I can’t thank you enough for this and all the other things you did and still do for me! And the privilege I have to be able to call you my friend warms my heart <33

I’m going to end this with a little quote Robbe wrote in one of his Instagram posts. When I read it again a couple of days ago, I immediately thought of you and what we’ve been through together the last few weeks :’)) Once again, thank you so much for everything you do for me and for everyone here in this fandom and being the amazing person you are! You deserve the whole world for it!

“Sometimes it’s like we just met yesterday, but other days it seems like I already know you my whole life, I love you Cille!” <33

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I hope you enjoyed this💛 If you didn't know this community loved you yet (and I don't think that was possible), now you definetly do.

Extra: I'd like to thank once again everyone that took part it this surprise, you are all the sweetest for taking some time to write this and to help me with it! Thank you so so much✨