#you are the best person I've ever gotten the pleasure to know. and I want to spend the rest of my life with you

[lunar-eclipsings]

sorry for spamming, my darling. I don't know,, I feel like I've been Hit with something today.

[niningtori]

an iron man | oneshot

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

summary: beomgyu has only ever known how to live function as a rental sexbot. he fucks whoever and whatever comes his way with a forced smile plastered on his face. that is, until you, a self-proclaimed trainwreck, come along.

genre: android!au, sexbot!au, angst, romance, fluff (more than i ever thought i could ever write i fear...), skippable smut at the very end (will be marked)

warnings: very brief and vague mentions of beomgyu being forced to engage in sexual acts he does not want with previous clients, skippable smut at the very end (will be marked)

smut warnings: unprotected sex, creampie, cockwarming, praise, dacryphilia, sub!gyu

word count: 14.7k (trust i will not be writing this much again if this flops BWNWJSJEJDK)

notes: terrified to post this one because this is probably my favorite thing i've ever written and if it gets a bad reaction i might die :,) also very unsure if this is the best time to post it since it's during kinktober so i'm not sure if the demand is there but i love this work so so much i pray you all like it. if you don't read anything else from me, i hope that you read this bc i rlly care ab it :,) please don't be mean i beg

beomgyu doesn’t know how long he’s been living like this. living is an odd term, too, and it’s not just because “life” is ill-defined for an android, but because to call what he experiences a life feels like a bastardization of the term. his power is turned on at some point, usually late at night, he fucks or gets fucked by somebody he probably doesn’t know, then he does the same shit all over again. so yes, he may be “alive”, but he wouldn't dare to call what he experiences living. living is too precious of a term to be used so cheaply on a sex android who’s made available for rent to the highest bidder of the night.

he’s seen how people live through his scattered vignettes of human life. he only gets them when he’s powered on, but he soaks them up with pleasure because they’re the only thing he’s ever known. some people do it wildly, living unattached to everyone and everything. their lives are not completely dissimilar to his, in a way, except they have a choice in the matter. they have time to find themselves, what their likes and dislikes are, and they get to connect with people in a way he will never have the power to. others, though, live the kind of life he really wants. they live by loving and being loved, knowing and being known. he wonders what it’d be like to know somebody outside of whatever secret deviant sexual pleasures they have. he wonders what it’s like to be known, too, but he guesses you would need to have something for someone to care enough to know about in the first place. he has no such thing.

it’s a night like any other when he’s powered on by a total stranger. he briefly takes in his surroundings and notices that it’s a really nice place, but you wouldn’t be the first rich person to rent him — not by a longshot. next, he takes you in. now, there’s no reason for you to dress up, really. you have no need to tempt him, as he will be able to feign attraction no matter what you look like, but he still finds it odd that you seem to have forgone any effort to appeal to him, if only because most people’s fantasies require them to look and feel sexy; but you don’t look sexy at all. you look like you’ve just gotten home from a long day at work, and honestly? you kind of smell like it, too.

“do you think you could do the dishes for me? i’m exhausted,” you ask with a perfectly-timed yawn. what…?

he short-circuits for a moment as he tries to think of an appropriate response. he’s never had anyone try to get him to do chores for them, but maybe this is some sort of weird roleplay? maybe you want him to act as a house husband for you before doing the deed, which isn’t necessarily a problem since he’s well-versed in acting, but there’s just one issue.

“i don’t know how,” he tells you honestly.

“you don’t know how to do dishes?” you ask curiously.

“it’s not in my programming,” he replies. if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he’s embarrassed because of the way he hesitates and looks away from you when he says it. he can’t possibly feel that, though, so it must just be your imagination.

“oh… that’s alright. okay, do you know how to clean a room? mine’s kind of dirty,” you try. 

“n-no,” he says, and he wishes the earth would just swallow him whole. he’s never failed at living up to expectations, and never so badly, at that. just what kind of fetish is this? 

“that’s okay,” you sigh, and he may not fully understand it, but he can sense your disappointment. “well, what can you do?” and the question is not asked maliciously, but with what seems to be genuine wonder. ah. he knows how to answer this one. slowly, he walks up to you and loosens your hair. you look up at him in shock, but he just cups your face, swiping his thumb across your lower lip. 

“i can do whatever you want me to, baby,” he whispers alluringly. “just tell me how you like it.” you’re so stunned at his switch in demeanor that you forget how to speak for a moment, but you quickly recollect yourself and pry his hands off of you.

“i don’t want you to do anything,” you insist. “i’m just tired. if you can’t help me clean, that’s alright. you can watch something if you’re bored. i think that’s it. well, goodnight.” beomgyu is malfunctioning at the moment. he thinks the gears in his head might be sparking while he tries to understand this new development. you don’t give him time to process it, though. you just slam your bedroom door shut behind you. he thinks he hears you lock it, too.

genuinely at a loss at the thought that he has nothing and no one to do, he sits himself on your couch. he tries not to make himself too at home at first, just barely making a dent on it and scooting to the very edge of the cushion as to not appear to be too relaxed. what if this is some sort of test? what if you’re actually going to come out soon so you two can fuck? until then, what should he do next? thoughts like this plague him until he accepts the fact that you are actually sleeping. your obnoxiously loud snoring is a dead giveaway, and he finally, finally feels brave enough to fiddle with your remote control. 

he scrolls for something to watch. movies and shows have been on as background noise during sex before, so he’s somewhat familiar with them, but he’s never gotten the opportunity to pick for himself or actually pay attention to what's happening on screen. he settles on a romantic movie about a robot who joins human society. the robot falls in love with a human girl, but in the end, the robot has to leave the girl because the town won’t accept him, even after using him. she marries a human man and has children, and eventually grandchildren, too. she still loves the robot even though he’s gone, which he thinks is supposed to make him feel sorry for her, but all he can feel is pity for the robot, who spends the rest of his life alone. 

it’s enough to make him cry, which he shouldn’t be able to do in a non-sexual setting, but he does it, anyway. it’s just so unfair to him. the girl is able to live a normal life while the robot is doomed to be alone forever. why? because he was born different? it’s not his fault that he was invented, but he spends the rest of his time on earth paying for the crime of existing in a world not built for him. the more beomgyu thinks about it, the more wronged he feels. he’s outright sobbing by the time you plop down on the couch beside him. he jumps up and straightens his posture while trying in vain to regain his composure.

“yeah, this movie makes me cry, too,” you quietly remark. he’s silent, not because he didn’t hear what you said, but because he genuinely doesn’t know how to act after being caught red handed.

“can i ask you something?” you ask in lieu of his lack of a response.

“yes,” he feebly answers.

“why are you crying?” you question with a tilt of your head, but something in him tells him that you already know.

“because the movie made me sad,” he admits after a pause.

“are androids supposed to feel things like that?” 

“... no,” he replies after a pause. 

“then why can you?” 

“i… i don't know. just please don’t say anything to my owners,” he pleads. he knows that if the company that owns him were to find out about this, he’d be scrapped in a heartbeat. or worse, they’d analyze him like a labrat to try to find the anomaly within him. his “life” as a sexbot will be over, and he’d really rather be a box of scraps than live as a case study in a lab somewhere. 

“it’s okay,” you tell him with a reassuring smile as you watch him trying not to spiral. “i won’t tell them. it’ll be our secret.” beomgyu has never had a secret to share with anyone before, so he feels an overwhelming amount of excitement at the idea that he will finally have one. his chest feels warm at the thought.

“thank you,” he says with a grateful smile.

“no problem,” you reply with a yawn. “i’m tired, so i’m heading back to bed. i just wanted to get some water. goodnight, for real this time.” 

“goodnight,” he murmurs softly. you return his words with a sleepy smile and go back into your room. he finds that he’s smiling even when you leave. 

he spends the night consuming as much media as he conceivably can before he has to leave. usually, he'd be powered off after he’s done being used, so he greedily savors every moment he can. who knows if he'll ever get this chance again. when you wake up, you're surprised to see that he's exactly where you left him, still watching the screen intently.

“good morning,” you say while stretching your arms. 

“good morning,” he replies. 

“are you ready to be returned?” you ask. 

“... yes,” he lies. 

“okay. i think somebody will be here to pick you up in an hour or so. you hungry?” 

“i don't really eat,” he bashfully answers. for some reason, he's embarrassed at the fact that you're treating him like a human while he's unable to fully act like one.

“oh. i guess that makes sense,” you nod. 

things are quiet until he’s picked up, but it’s not an awkward silence. you sit next to him on the couch as you wolf down some breakfast and let him watch whatever he pleases. when he eventually hears knocking at your door, he feels an incomprehensible sense of dread.

“i think that's them,” you remark, breaking the silence. 

“y-yeah,” he replies. 

“well, it was nice to meet you,” you say, reaching out your hand for him. he’s unsure what to do with it. not missing a beat, you gently grab his hand and shake it. he's stunned at the physical contact, and he's still reeling when you let the man from the rental company in. you have a brief conversation with him before he walks towards beomgyu.

“goodbye,” you tell the android with a smile and a little wave. 

“... good—” and the man switches him off.

-

the next time beomgyu is powered on, he’s in your house again. relief floods him when he realizes it. you don’t seem as exhausted as the last time he saw you. when that was, he has no idea, but if he had to guess, he’d say it was just last night because of the fact that he’s so popular he’s rented almost every day.

“hey,” you greet him with a smile. he’s still feeling relieved before he realizes that tonight might be the night where you ask him to have sex with you. maybe you were just tired last night and had no desire to fuck, but he can tell that you’re feeling more energetic tonight. 

“i didn’t catch your name,” you add. 

“... beomgyu. i’m part of the choi line, but i’m a custom model, so they gave me a name,” he tentatively replies.

“nice,” you nod, and you briefly introduce yourself before asking if he wants to watch a movie. 

“watch… a movie?” is this some sort of euphemism for fucking? it wouldn’t be the first time he’s heard of something like this. as mentioned before, some people like movies as background noise. 

“yeah, you can pick,” you say, casually plopping down on the couch and patting the cushion next to you. he hesitantly takes your cue, and he’s mentally preparing himself for what comes next before you take a blanket and cocoon yourself in it so tightly, it’d be impossible for him to touch you.

“what’s wrong?” you ask, and he jolts a bit when he realizes that he’s been staring in disbelief. “oh, are you cold? do you want a blanket, too?” 

“‘m fine,” he replies.

“are you sure? the clothes they make you wear look a little thin,” you observe with your nose wrinkled, and he feels impossibly small under your surveying eye. “here, i’ll get you some sweats. i think soobin left some the last time he was here.” 

“who’s soobin?” he asks a little too quickly. so quickly, in fact, he doesn’t even have time to process why he even asked.

“my friend. stay here, i’ll grab them for you.” 

when you return, you have a long pair of sweatpants in hand and a big t-shirt. 

“you can change in the bathroom. it’s down the hallway and to the left, okay?” he nods in response.

he strips his clothes off as best as he can, and it feels like he’s shedding a second skin. when he’s finished undressing, he pulls on the clothes you gave him and stares in the mirror. it’s in his programming to always be mindful of how he looks, but he feels especially self-conscious now that he’s wearing a normal outfit. he fixes up his hair and clears his throat before exiting your (messy) bathroom and making his way back into your living room. he finds you fiddling with your phone before you look up at him.

“took you long enough,” you tease, and he blushes, which stuns you. just how human is this guy?

“s-sorry, i —” 

“hey, i’m just kidding. you’re fine. you look pretty good in those clothes — soobin would be jealous,” you chuckle. his ears perk up at the mention of soobin again. is he your boyfriend? he must be. why else would he have clothes at your house? is that why you don't want to sleep with beomgyu? because you have someone already? if that's the case, why rent him at all? but he is not brave enough to ask these questions, so he settles for a soft “thank you” and returns to his spot on the couch.

you toss him the remote and he catches it with ease before unsurely flipping through your streaming services. he finds something that piques his interest and turns to you with an uncertain look before you nod encouragingly. he selects it and lets it play. he doesn’t mean to, but he finds himself sinking further and further into the cushions as it progresses. 

it’s a sweet movie — a romantic comedy about an amnesic woman whose memory is wiped clean every morning, but a man falls in love with her, anyway. she never remembers him, so he has to make her fall in love with him in a new way every day. he finds himself smiling throughout it, but a particularly funny scene has him actually laughing for the first time. it’s a squeaky sort of thing, and he has never laughed before, so he’s somewhat surprised as it leaves his throat. he looks to you in trepidation, but you just smile warmly and respond with a soft chuckle of your own. he finds that he looks to you every time a new development occurs, and you always answer encouragingly. 

the end of the film surprises him. it’s bittersweet in that she never does get her memory back, but the man makes a video recounting their entire love story for her to watch every time she wakes up. it ends with them living happily together in spite of everything, and it’s enough to make him sob. he turns to you and sees that you’re teary-eyed as well, but you seem to be enjoying his reaction so much that there’s still a grin on your face. after the film ends, you can tell that he has something on his mind.

“what’s wrong? didn’t you like it?” you gently ask.

“i did. i just don’t understand,” he replies timidly.

“don’t understand what?” 

“why he would do all of that for her, i guess,” he says. 

“because he loves her. when you love somebody, you’d do anything to be with them. you always find a way,” you tell him, and the sentiment seems to strike a chord within him.

“even if they’re that different?”

“of course.”

-

beomgyu spends the following nights with this same routine. he’s switched on, sees you standing in front of him with a smile, gets comfortable, and watches as much media as he possibly can while you two chatter away about every scene. he learns much more from it than he ever did from experience with his previous renters, and he finds himself becoming more and more emotional by the day. you never try to question him or press him to explain any of his feelings, and it just makes him feel even more comfortable with you. 

one day, he even feels comfortable enough to ask you a question. the question. 

“can i ask you something?” 

“of course! what is it?” you reply in earnest. beomgyu has never directly inquired about you.

“why do you rent me? i mean, i know we watch stuff together now, but why rent me in the first place?” and even when he feels exponentially more at ease with you than he ever has in any other context, he’s still nervous when he asks it. 

“oh, my friend did it as a joke, i guess,” you shrug. “he thought i needed to get laid or something, but i’m not into stuff like that, so i just thought i’d ask you to help me clean. obviously, that’s what i actually need,” you giggle. what he feels at your words can only be described as disappointment. “stuff like that”? so you’re not into sleeping with sexbots? is it because you find them disgusting? is it because you find him disgusting? he’s not sure what he expected, but this wasn’t it.

“oh. so why don’t you buy a cleaning bot?” he asks softly, and while you are usually pretty perceptive of his emotions, you don’t register the fact that he’s at a loss right now.

“i dunno. my parents were always against that sort of thing. they thought it was wrong, i guess, so i didn’t grow up with them like everyone else did. i didn’t really have an opinion on them until i met you,” you tell him while grinning and lightly nudging him with your elbow. he tries his best to smile because, in theory, your words are really sweet. you see him as more than just another android, so why does he feel like that’s not enough? 

the fragile connection you two have made seems even more fragile now. at least, it does to him. you only met each other because of a joke your friend just so happened to make, not because of fate or the divine intervention that he always sees in the movies. maybe in another world, your friend rented a different sexbot. maybe you’d even treat them the same way you treat him. the thought alone makes something ugly burn in his chest. 

still, you are oblivious to the internal war raging within beomgyu. 

“hey, i’ve got an idea,” you tell him, and he perks up a bit. “have you ever listened to music?” 

“not really,” he replies solemnly. people have played it in the background of their sexual escapades, but he hasn’t really gotten the chance to listen the same way humans do. you finally register his crestfallen appearance, but you chalk it up to him feeling like he’s missing out. 

“why don’t we listen to some? i can play a bunch of different genres so you can find what you like,” you suggest, and he agrees to it. truthfully, he doesn’t fully understand how music can be better than movies and shows, but he is curious to find out what makes it so special. 

and special, it is. he doesn’t like every song you play, he realizes, but that’s only natural given how different they are from each other. he finds himself being drawn to the more emotional and moody ones, but he can’t help but enjoy the way you quietly sing and nod along to the more upbeat tunes. 

as you continue to sit together, you begin to fiddle with your hair. you’re scoffing and loosening it for the umpteenth time before you’re about to give up, but beomgyu stops you.

“let me do it,” he says.

“do you know how?” 

“i think i can. i’ve been watching you,” he says simply.

“... okay.” 

you turn your back to him to give him access to your hair and he scoots closer to you. closer than you’ve ever been. his touch on your head is careful as he gently gathers your hair and begins to braid it. you’re not sure how much time passes because he’s actually quite slow, but it’s relaxing all the same. you find yourself softly humming to the tune of the song playing. the lyrics are a little dark, but you follow along in earnest, and beomgyu thinks he finally understands why people like music so much. for moments like this. he tries to soak up every detail he can, from the way the light hits your frame to the melody you hum, and he wishes this moment could last forever.

but you only have so much hair, so the moment does have to end, eventually. he ties up your hair and you pull out your phone camera to admire his handiwork. admittedly, it’s a lot better than anything you could’ve done. it seems that he’s a fast learner.

“this looks perfect! thanks, beoms,” you say warmly. he’s stunned for a second at the nickname.

“beoms?” 

“yeah, like beomgyu. beoms,” you say with a casual shrug, and something in his chest blossoms. “i give all of my friends nicknames.” and something in his chest explodes at the title of “friend”. 

“you do?” he asks excitedly.

“yeah. like, i call soobin ‘soobinie’ or ‘soobie’, sometimes,” you giggle, and the bloom of hope in his chest dies with it. 

“are you two close?” he asks, even though he knows the answer will probably hurt him.

“very. he’s my best friend,” you answer fondly. oh. you’re beomgyu’s best friend — you’re beomgyu’s only friend, and tentatively at that. the idea that the deep connection he feels with you is even deeper with someone else, at least in your eyes, makes him feel sick. do you let soobin play with your hair? do you hum along to songs you’ve shown him while he does it? do you smile at him after he’s finished and compliment him on his skills? probably, probably, probably. the ugly feeling that was previously completely foreign to him now takes its usual place in his chest, and it makes his stomach hurt so much that if he could vomit, his metaphorical dinner would be all over the floor.

“oh,” is all he can say. 

-

days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months, but every time beomgyu awakens, he finds you smiling up at him. this can’t be good for your bank account — he’s quite expensive to rent, after all — but he’s far too afraid to actually bring it up. what if you realize just how much money you’re sinking into him and want to stop renting him? what will he do if you don’t want him anymore? he feels an incomparable sense of dread at the thought. 

he prepares to sit on the couch and watch something, listen to music, or even play a video game with you. you two have gotten into them recently, and he’s discovered that he very much enjoys playing with you, even when you’re yelling at him and demanding that he stop letting you win. he can’t help but grin when he thinks about it. you start playing a song, and you do, indeed, invite him to sit on the couch, but you don’t sit down next to him and start babbling away about your day like you usually would. 

“do you think you could do me a favor?” you ask. 

“what, do you want me to wash your dishes?” he jokes, and you share a laugh before you say your next words, but all laughter and joy is profusely sucked out of him when you say them.

“no, smartass, but can you braid my hair for me? i’m going over to soobin’s tonight, and i want it out of my way.” 

“soobin’s?”

“yeah, it’s been a while since i’ve stayed the night, and he said we’re way past due for it,” you tell him, and the world as beomgyu knows it comes crashing down around him. 

“you’re staying the night with him?” 

“mhm. he’s right, it’s been too long; but don’t worry, i bought a pass so you can play video games online. there’s even a headset so you can talk to people, if you want. maybe you’ll even make some friends,” you say while playfully waggling your eyebrows. beomgyu’s silence is pensive, to say the very least, and you worry that he’s apprehensive of making a friend that isn't you. 

“seriously, you might like it. it’ll be good for you to meet more people, honestly. i’m sure it’s driving you crazy to only have me to talk to,” you jokingly add, but to beomgyu, it’s the worst joke he’s ever heard. no, it does not drive him crazy to only talk to you every day. in fact, even though he’s not conscious during the time you spend away from each other, he thinks, deep down, that he still somehow misses you when you’re apart. and no, he does not think he needs to have anyone but you. you are more than enough for him, so how could you ever think he needs more? again, he is taunted by that same strange and implacable feeling he’s been having ever since he met you, yet he can’t quite put his finger on it, even when he nods and tells you that he’ll try making new friends. 

but as he brushes out your hair and you sing along to the words:

"i’m glad i didn’t die before i met you

but now i don’t care

i could go anywhere with you

and i’d probably be happy"

he finally understands what that feeling is. that warm, all-consuming feeling. that feeling of comfort, safety, and unconditional understanding. that feeling of infinite curiosity about the other person. that feeling of wanting to known and be known in a way so profound it physically aches. 

yes, as he gathers your hair and ever-so-gently twists it in his hands in preparation for you staying the night with a man you clearly prefer over him, the feeling becomes clear as day. love. what he feels for you is love — an emotion he should never be able to even fathom, yet he does. 

and it makes him loathe himself to a degree he never thought he was capable of.

he’s so put off by this sentiment, he almost can’t finish the braid because his hands are shaking so much, but somehow, he finishes, anyway. 

“are you done?” you ask as you fiddle with your hair and look back at him.

“mhm,” he replies. 

“yay! thank you!” you say giddily. 

“you’re welcome,” he mumbles. you’re not stupid, so you notice that something is off about him, but you just assume it’s because he’s nervous about being left alone to make new friends. you feel guilty in a certain sense, but it’ll be good for him to branch out and meet new people, so you tuck the feeling away as best as you can before packing your nightly essentials and getting ready to leave.

“i’ll be back tomorrow morning,” you tell him, and he only nods with his lips pursed, which makes your heart feel sour.

“try not to miss me too much,” you tease, but it doesn’t seem to cheer him up in the slightest. 

“have fun,” he replies weakly, and your previously sour heart now kind of aches, but you have to do this for him. you can't always be beside him for everything, right? besides, it's only for the night.

you open the door to leave, but before you go, you turn back to him and he senses hesitation in you. before he can question it, you’re opening your arms, and his eyes widen when he realizes you’re inviting him in for a hug. you almost regret doing it as soon as you open them for fear of making him uncomfortable, but he embraces you before you have time to process such feelings. on beomgyu’s end, he has always been wary of touch for obvious reasons, but he gravitates towards your open arms like he was meant to be in them.

he rests his chin on the top of your head for a moment and you spend an unknown length of time just standing with your arms wrapped around each other. 

“i’ll miss you,” you admit, and before you can smack yourself for being so dramatic and sentimental over what will ultimately only be one night, you can swear you feel his grip tightening even more around you.

eventually, you break away and look up at him with a smile. you ruffle his hair and promise to see him later, and he answers you with a nod. then, you're leaving and locking the door behind you.

immediately, beomgyu feels a sense of loss he’s never felt before. after all, to experience loss, you must have something worth losing in the first place, and he has never had anything like that. at least, not until you. so he stands at the door for who knows how long, just like a puppy waiting for his owner to get home. 

-

soobin can sense you’re out of it before you even finish crossing through his doorway, and it puts a halt to your typically overdramatic greeting. 

“what’s the matter? are you feeling okay?” he questions concernedly as he pulls you in for a hug. you nod before you break apart from him and walk through the threshold. 

“y-yeah. it’s just, i don’t know, i guess i just feel bad about leaving beomgyu all by himself,” you tell him as you plop down on his couch. 

“the android you’ve been renting?” he asks incredulously. “i’ve been meaning to ask you about that, actually. why’re you renting it so much? i barely even see you anymore. is the sex that good?” 

“you know i don’t use androids like that,” you snap in annoyance, partially because he’s calling beomgyu “it”.

“i know, which is why i’m so confused. why rent it in the first place if you’re not getting anything out of it?” 

you struggle to answer his question. you promised beomgyu you’d keep his secret, but you trust soobin, and you know he won’t judge him, or worse, report him. besides, it’ll be good to have an unbiased third party weigh in on the situation. with this in mind, you tell him about beomgyu, skipping over some of the more personal details. he’s in disbelief at first and actually thinks you’re just fucking with him, but as you tell him more and more about the time you’ve spent together, his smile falls and his face turns serious. 

“so that’s why i feel so guilty about leaving him alone,” you finish with a deep sigh. he’s silent for a few moments before collecting his thoughts.

“god, i can’t believe this is actually happening,” he whispers.

“i know. it’s insane, but it’s true. he’s just so… human. you should've seen the way he looked at me when i told him i was leaving. i don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone look so sad before.” 

“well, you’re right about him needing to make friends,” he says with a nod, and it validates all of your misgivings about leaving him alone. “but don’t you think you should, i don’t know, think about what all of this means?” 

“what do you mean?” you ask, and in that moment, he knows you have no idea about the way beomgyu probably feels about you. he’s not 100% confident in his deductions, but the way you describe how beomgyu acts around you pretty much tells him everything he needs to know. 

“i mean, you basically have a completely sentient creature who relies on you for everything. if he’s as human as you say he is, then he can probably feel everything that we do. right now, i’d guess that he feels like you’re all he knows.” and the sneaking sense of guilt that was previously threatening to creep up on you is now completely overwhelming. you’re all he knows. and you left him all alone to fend for himself and make his own friends. yes, he needs to learn how to make connections, but how could you expect him to know how to do that? it took weeks for him to finally seem comfortable around you, so how could he possibly know how to make them on his own? moreover, even though it's nothing to you, you're his entire world. he must feel like you abandoned him.

“i’ve gotta go,” you mumble.

“what?” he asks. 

“i–i’ve gotta go home,” you repeat as you hurriedly stand up and hug him goodbye. 

“wait! i think you should —” 

“love you, bye!” you shout as you book it out of the doorway. 

-

when you return home, you open the door to see beomgyu listlessly staring at the television screen. when he hears you, he turns to look at you with watery eyes. he looks so lost in this moment, and all of your suspicions are confirmed.

“beoms, i am so sorry,” you tell him as you rush over and throw your arms around him. 

“for what?” he asks with a gulp as he stays in your embrace, shakily wrapping his arms around your waist.

“i’m sorry for leaving you all by yourself. i thought it was just for one night, so it’d be alright, but you don’t have anyone but me right now; and i realize that it’s unfair for me to expect you to meet other people all on your own when you’ve never had to do it before. if you want friends, i’ll help you, okay? i’ll be there with you as you do it,” you tell him, and you feel his body trembling. 

“i-i’m sorry. i know it’s not a big deal, but when you’re not with me, i feel so scared. i… i don’t know how to do anything by myself. i’m s-sorry i need you so much,” he whispers, and your heart breaks. 

“don’t be sorry,” you say gently. “how about this: i’ll join you online and we can talk to people together. then, when you’re ready, you can start hanging out with my friends in person, too, okay? we can keep going until you don’t need me anymore.” beomgyu outwardly agrees, which seems to put you at ease, but there’s just one issue: he’ll always need you.

-

gaming online is actually really fun, but making friends is hard for someone like beomgyu. he’s quiet and a little awkward at first, but after a few nights and with your help, he finally warms up to the people he games with. he gets so comfortable, in fact, that he’s even able to shit talk with them a little. 

“fuckkk, that’s so unfair!” his new friend, kai, wails over the headset. 

“it’s not unfair, you just suck,” beomgyu chuckles, and kai whines again. you laugh at their interaction before kai continues.

“how are you so fucking good at this game? you’ve only been playing for a few nights, and you’re already better than me!” he pouts. 

“i’m just gifted,” beomgyu boasts.

“very true,” you add, and he beams, but kai’s next words throw him off-kilter.

“whatever. stop asking your girlfriend to argue with me — you two make me sick,” he jokes with his signature maniacal laugh, but the two of you are too stunned to laugh along. you look at each other in sheer embarrassment, and you can see beomgyu’s ears turning bright pink beneath his blond hair. you’re not sure why you feel so mortified, but you do. this is beomgyu, for god’s sake. there’s no earthly way you could ever see him in anything other than a purely platonic way, so why does your heart feel uneasy at the notion? while you’re still too stunned to speak, beomgyu tries to pipe up and respond.

“sh-she’s — we’re not, uh —” 

“damn it!” kai yells as his character dies yet again, and any momentum beomgyu previously had to clear up the misunderstanding is killed stone dead in its tracks. 

he turns to look at you unsurely, but the awkward moment seems to have passed for you as you laugh at kai’s character’s death. if only he could be as unfazed.

after kai goes offline, you two decide to quit gaming for the night. you turn to beomgyu nervously, and he immediately knows that you’re going to say something serious. he hopes beyond hope that it’s not about what kai said.

“can i ask you something?” and his heart sinks. oh god, you probably caught onto his feelings. he’s not sure he has the confidence to tell the truth, but how could he lie to you?

“y-yes,” he replies, voice a bit unsteady.

“okay, you can say no if you want, but soobin invited us to a get together he’s having pretty soon. it’s not anything too crazy, so there’ll only be a few of us. i think it’ll be a good start for you. maybe you’ll even make some new friends, you know?” he’s silent at your words just out of sheer shock. he’d definitely missed the mark when guessing your intentions. 

“it’s okay to say no,” you hurriedly add, “but my friends are really nice, and i’d be with you the entire time. even if you don’t talk to anybody, you can talk to me.”

“okay,” he agrees before he can even really think about it. he guesses he’s just relieved that you still don’t know about his feelings, but part of him aches even still. 

“really?” you ask incredulously. “oh my god! i have to tell soobin — he’ll be so excited!” you babble, and his lips curl upwards at how happy you are. he wishes he could always make you happy like this, and it seems that he’d agree to absolutely anything if you were the one asking.

-

work has been especially taxing today, which is nothing new, but you have this insatiable suspicion that something feels… off as you finish up for the day. as you’re about to head out for the night, you wonder what beomgyu will want to do once you get home. maybe he’ll want to play games with kai, or maybe he’ll want to watch a movie with you. maybe he’ll let you cuddle up to him for warmth, which he’s been very willing to do, lately. the unspoken rule that you two will never touch has become blurry for some reason, but you’re pretty touchy with all of your friends, so it only feels like a matter of course to you. 

you’re thinking about all of the potential ways tonight could play out when it hits you: you didn’t reserve beomgyu. you spit out a curse and hurriedly take out your phone to book him, but it’s too late. he’s already assigned to someone for the night. fuck.

when you get home, you’re anxious beyond belief. you haven’t spent a night without beomgyu in months, but more importantly, he hasn’t spent a night without you. you try not to think about how scared he will be when he’s powered on in a stranger’s home. you hope he’s able to just switch back to his initial programming, but somehow, you just know it won’t be that easy. you feel sick with worry when you think about how someone so human will have to involuntarily turn his feelings off and pretend to enjoy something he’s being forced to do — with no compensation, no less. he must think you abandoned him. he must think you don’t care about him. how could you forget to reserve him when he needs you so much? fuck how busy you were with work, his wellbeing should have been your first priority.

so you sit and watch the hours tick by. you try to relax. you try to tell yourself it’s only for one night, and he’s been doing it for years, but something just feels wrong, wrong, wrong. you’re about to try to force yourself to go to sleep so the night ends more quickly when you hear a rapid knocking on your door. it’s strange for someone to call on you so late, indeed, but when you look through your peephole, you see none other than the very boy you’ve been worrying about. 

“beomgyu?” you say incredulously when you swing open the door. immediately, he embraces you, and you feel hot tears streaming down your neck as he nuzzles his face into it. you hold him as best as you can as you rub circles into his back and try to shush his cries.

“it’s okay, i’m here,” you tell him, and he whines. you try to break away to get a good look at him, but he just pulls you in even closer, as if you’re his only lifeline in this world, and in a way, you are.

after his breathing slows and his sobs die out, he reluctantly parts from you, so you hold his hand and lead him to your couch. his eyes are swollen and bloodshot while his nose is a bright pink, but he never once takes his eyes off of you for fear of letting you out of his sight. in his mind, you can’t leave as long as he can see you.

“are you alright?” you tentatively ask, hand still holding his and soothingly caressing it in an attempt to calm him down. he goes to nod before stopping himself and shaking his head in the negative. your eyes soften even more at the action.

“do you want to talk about what happened?” you try, and he nods before clearing his throat.

“i, um, i woke up and i was at this woman’s house. she… she wanted me to get undressed, but i didn’t want to, so she started doing it for me.” you wince at his words, but he’s not finished yet. 

“she kept touching me, and it was so disgusting i just — i just couldn't stand it, so i ran away and came here. i don’t mean to make your life harder, and i won’t ask for you to stay the night with me anymore, but if you could just let me stay here, i promise i’ll learn how to clean or do anything you want. please, just don’t make me —” 

“beomgyu, stop it,” you say softly, but firmly. “you are not making my life harder. you can stay here as much as you want and do whatever you want while you’re here. i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean for this to happen. i was just so busy with work, and by the time i realized it, somebody had already booked you. i promise you that it’ll never happen again, okay? so you don't have to be afraid. i’m not leaving you, and i won’t let anyone hurt you, either.” 

you don’t think you’ve ever seen anyone look so relieved before. it looks as though you just saved his life, and to beomgyu, you essentially did. he holds your hand even tighter, as if you’re the only thing keeping him from falling off the face of this planet. 

“wait here, i’ll get you some clothes,” you say gently, but as you go to leave, he holds you even tighter. your eyebrow quirks in a silent question at his actions, and he looks sheepish for a moment before saying his next words.

“c-can we just stay like this for a bit? just for a little while? i’m still scared,” he mumbles, and your heart melts.

“of course. come here,” you beckon, and he falls into your arms and rests his head on your shoulder, breathing your scent in as he tries to imprint this moment into his hardware. you stay like that for a while before you finally convince him to change out of his uncomfortable clothes. he reluctantly lets you go, and his eyes follow you everywhere you walk. 

that night, you stay up later than usual to spend more time with him. he stays glued to your side and ensures that he’s always touching you in some way, which is endearing in a way you can’t seem to put into words. when you’re about to head to bed for the night, you swear you hear him whimper, but he lets you go, anyway. as you lay your head down and get comfortable under the covers, you hear a timid knocking on your door. you call him in, and his gaze shyly flickers between you and the floor. 

“c-can i stay with you tonight? i won’t bother you, i swear. it’s just — i just still feel weird. y-you can say no! i just thought that —”

“come here,” you softly interrupt, and he doesn’t hesitate to listen. he closes the door behind him and shuffles towards you, stopping uncertainly at the edge of the bed in a silent plea for permission to enter it. you feel a weird, warm feeling in your chest when he does it. you scoot over and pat the open space next to you before he gathers enough courage to slide in. you cover him with your blanket, and he stiffly accepts it. you giggle at his awkwardness and cuddle up to him, placing your arms around his waist before thinking better of it. how could you just invade his personal space when he’s clearly traumatized? you go to remove your arms and scoot away before he firmly locks you in place.

“it’s okay,” he whispers, settling himself into your embrace and mindlessly toying with the ends of your hair.

“are you sure?” you ask.

“i’m sure.”

it isn't long before beomgyu hears your breathing slow down, and eventually he hears you begin to snore. he smiles at the sound. he can't really sleep, but he's perfectly content with watching you rest. he continues to play with your hair, and you nuzzle into his touch every so often. he doesn’t want to repeat the events leading up to tonight, but he would do it all over again — any number of times — with a smile on his face if it meant he got to be with you like this again. 

-

the next morning, beomgyu waits for the usual delivery guy from the company to pick him up, but it’s currently way past the usual pickup time. he’s most certainly not complaining, but you don’t seem even remotely fazed by the matter. however, while you’re casually flipping through your streaming catalog literal hours after he’d already be gone, he can’t stop himself from asking:

“um, d-do you know when i’m being picked up?” you pause, and he worries that he may have said the wrong thing before you turn to him.

“do you want to be picked up?” you ask solemnly.

“n-no! of course not. it’s just, you know, i’d usually be gone by now, so i —” 

“do you want to stay here? with me, i mean,” you interrupt.

“i… i do,” he replies with a gulp. usually, that’d be all you get from him, but it feels like the perfect opportunity to be honest about his feelings. “i always want to stay with you, but i know i’m expensive, and i don’t want to be a bother.” he looks ashamed as he admits it, but if he had the courage to look in your eyes, he’d note the fondness that lies within them.

“i told you that you’re not a bother to me. i also told you that you could stay here for as long as you want, remember?” and he does, so he nods. 

“alright. i meant it when i said it last night, and i mean it now. if you want to be here, you can stay for as long as you’d like. you don't have to worry about your owners anymore, i promise.” and he thinks he’s never seen you as serious as you are now. he wonders what you mean before it dawns on him.

“you… did you buy me?” he asks in disbelief.

“y-yeah. i’m sorry, it sounds so gross when i hear it out loud, but that doesn’t mean that i own you or anything. what i really wanted to buy was your freedom, so you can stay as long as you want, but that also means that you can leave whenever you want, too.”

“i’m so sorry,” he says in a hushed, hurried tone. “i know i'm expensive. i’m really sorry.”

“money is not an object to me,” you dismiss in faux arrogance with a wave of your hand in hopes that it’ll lighten the mood, but beomgyu can’t stop the tears from falling over his waterlines, and you’re afraid your attempt to help him only made him feel more indebted to you. all worry is promptly washed away when you feel him pull you into his arms. 

“thank you,” he just barely breathes out. “i don’t know how i’ll ever pay you back, but i’ll try, i swear.”

“you don’t have to do anything for me, beoms. i should’ve done it a lot sooner, but i’m just a little slow, i guess,” you muse, and he chuckles softly into your neck.

-

sleeping with beomgyu should’ve only happened once, but every night when you say you’re heading to bed, he looks at you with puppy eyes and you find yourself inviting him to come along. each time, he looks so excited that if he had a tail, it would most certainly be wagging. he obediently follows you to your room and settles into the empty space next to you before holding you in his arms as you drift off. he’s even taken to humming the tunes of songs he likes when you struggle to settle down, and his baritone voice lulls you to sleep like a charm every time. he spends his time by just looking at you and trying to reconcile with his new reality. this is real. he gets to spend however many nights he wants next to you, as per your own words. even if you didn’t mean them, he plans to take them seriously. he is perfectly content with spending the rest of his life just sleeping with you, looking at you, being with you. 

-

soobin’s get together is tonight, and you look different than usual. your typical look is very casual, which makes sense because you’re only ever at home when you’re with him, but you are now primped and ready to be seen, and it makes him anxious because you look even more lovable. he knows these people are your friends, so they must’ve seen you dressed up before, but that only makes him all the more uneasy; they know a side of you he is only now seeing, and it makes that same old ugly feeling he's grown so accustomed to sprout in his chest. 

when you arrive at soobin’s place, the first thing you do when soobin swings open the door is jump in his arms like you didn’t just see him a week ago. he spins you around with a dimpled grin that’s so sincere, beomgyu feels emotionally decimated by it. you both giggle as you break apart, and the jealousy beomgyu feels brewing within feels unpacifiable. 

“is this beomgyu?” soobin asks, grin still very much apparent.

“yes! you’re gonna love him,” you answer giddily. 

“it’s nice to meet you,” soobin says warmly while stretching out his hand, which beomgyu awkwardly shakes while he tries to force his lips to curl upwards in what he prays is a believable smile.

“nice to meet you,” he mumbles.

“everyone’s already here, but you’re late as always,” soobin playfully chastises, and you pout in response.

everyone greets you when you walk in, mostly by hugging you and lightheartedly scolding you for not coming out anymore. they’re very clearly bantering with you, but each reproach feels like a knife to beomgyu’s heart. he’s the reason you haven’t seen them in so long. 

clueless to it all, you introduce him as your friend to everyone, which only makes him feel worse, somehow. he is just one friend out of many, meanwhile you’re his entire world. you’re far too caught up in the joy of seeing some of your favorite people after so long to notice his dismay, however.

you lead him to soobin’s couch to have a seat with you and one of your friends, taehyun maybe, offers him a drink, to which he awkwardly declines. you quickly follow up with something to the effect of “he isn’t much of a drinker,” and beomgyu nods in affirmation. you try your best to include beomgyu in conversation, but they’re all talking about people and places he doesn't know. all he knows is you, and the world you two built together seems smaller and smaller with every new topic of conversation. 

he notices that soobin seems to be eyeing him somewhat strangely, though he tries his best to play it off. he could just attribute it to surface level curiosity, but his intuition tells him it’s much deeper than that. is soobin sizing up his competition? maybe so, but there’s not much to see. beomgyu is handsome, and he knows it, but soobin knows a side of you beomgyu has only ever heard stories about. you’ve told him about your friends and the goings on between you and your coworkers, but it pales in comparison to actually meeting them. he makes an internal note to ask even more questions than he usually does the next time you’re telling him about your day. until then, he sits as close to you as humanly possible and clings onto your arm, which is so second nature to you, you don't even notice that he’s doing it. 

soobin, who is usually not the inquisitive type, can’t help but question the dynamic between you and beomgyu. at first, the lingering glances and intimate gestures were innocuous enough to be written off as mere friendliness, but when you whisper something in beomgyu’s ear and he flushes a bright pink, soobin knows he can’t ignore it any longer. he especially can’t ignore it when you turn away from beomgyu and he raises a hand to the ear you just whispered into as if he’s reliving the moment. well, time to test his theory. 

soobin slides into the open cushion next to you and begins excitedly chattering about how pretty you look tonight, and he even takes your braided hair into his hands and twirls it between his fingers.

“your hair looks pretty,” he muses.

“beomgyu did it, actually,” you grin, and soobin glances over to said boy, who is currently glaring daggers at him. the look in beomgyu’s eyes is so intense, he almost wants to back off, but he has to get to the bottom of this. 

“did he? you know, it’s been a while since you stayed over. wanna have a sleepover tonight? you have some clothes here from last time, and we can cuddle, i know you like that,” he says as innocently as he possibly can. 

before you can even reply, beomgyu is slamming his hands on the coffee table. you turn to face him in surprise, and the look on his face is the angriest you’ve ever seen him. his eyes are dark and his nostrils are flared as he heavily breathes. he’s never been angry at all in front of you, actually, so to say you’re taken aback is the understatement of the century. 

“beoms? what’s wrong?” you ask concernedly, completely turning away from soobin. your voice is enough to somewhat placate him, but before he can fully calm down, soobin is saying his next words.

“i’m sure he’s fine. beomgyu, you can find your way home tonight on your own, can’t you?” beomgyu is positively seething at this. before you can question him again, he’s gripping your hand so tightly it’s like it’s the only thing keeping him from drowning, so you excuse the both of you and drag him to the bathroom for some privacy.

“are you alright?” you ask, frantically scanning his figure for some sort of sign of pain or discomfort. 

“i-i’m fine, i just, uh, i don’t feel good,” he says flatly. 

“what’s wrong? is it too much? do we need to go home?” he’s so flustered, he barely registers that you’re calling your house “home”, but he still notices it in spite of everything, and it’s like a balm on his aching heart. 

“y-yeah, can we go home? please?” he pleads, and you hurriedly nod. 

“of course, just let me say bye to everyone before we leave, okay?” and he wants to say no, but he’s as weak as ever in front of you, so he relents.

that doesn’t stop him from gripping your hand, though, as you say goodbye to everyone. you go to give soobin your usual hug, but beomgyu pulls you back to him even more tightly. you write it off as him not feeling well and just wanting to leave as soon as possible, to which you oblige, and before you know it, you two are scurrying out of soobin’s place like there’s something chasing you.

as you’re driving home, you feel your phone buzz in your pocket, but it isn’t until you’re walking through your doorway that you check it. 

soobie: we need to talk. call me as soon as you get home

you’re worried beyond belief at his serious tone, so you tell beomgyu that you’ve got to make a call before ducking into your bedroom. you don’t shut the door behind you, because why would you? 

you quickly call soobin and the line connects after just one ring.

“what’s wrong?” you ask anxiously, and soobin just sighs, which makes you all the more anxious.

“we have to talk about beomgyu.” 

“beomgyu? what about him? is something wrong?” you question.

“yeah, i mean, maybe. this might sound crazy, but i think — i know — he likes you.” you’re stunned silly for just a moment before bursting into laughter.

“likes me? what the hell are you talking about?” you dismiss, and you sense his agitation even through the phone.

“i’m serious. i had a feeling before, but tonight just confirmed it. he likes you.” you’re silent for a moment, just trying to process his words, but once your mind somewhat clears, you can’t help but deny, deny, deny.

“you’re wrong. it’s not like that at all. i’m just the first person who’s ever treated him nicely, and i —” 

“you’re not listening,” he cuts in irritatedly. “he looked like he wanted to skin me alive tonight. how else do you explain that?” 

“soobie,” you sigh. “you’ve got it all wrong. maybe you’re right and maybe he was feeling insecure, but that’s probably because i’m the only person he knows. he most likely just felt like you were stealing my attention away.” 

“you’re always so dense about these things, you know?” he groans. “okay, look, i’m not sure how they came about, but i do know that he has feelings for you. maybe it started out as dependence, i’m not sure, but it’s definitely much more than that now.” 

“that’s impossible,” you snort, actually feeling a bit impatient now. how could he possibly think that your relationship with beomgyu was anything other than platonic? 

“why? because he’s a robot?” oh, that shuts you up. “just think about it. if he were a human, would you still be saying the same thing? like i said before, if he’s as human as you say he is, he can feel the same way we do, and he’s definitely capable of feeling love, too.” you are, again, stunned into silence. suddenly, as if there was a fog that covered your brain before, things that you never really considered become clear to you. the soft touches, the gentleness. sleeping in the same bed and waiting for you to get home. wanting you — needing you — around all the time. the way he plays with your hair. the way he’s so interested in everything you have to say. the clinginess, the dependence. it all makes so much more sense to you. 

“i —” you begin, but you just so happen to glance up and see beomgyu right outside of your doorway… looking absolutely devastated. 

“i’ve gotta go,” you tell soobin as you hang up, not even bothering to say your usual goodbye. 

“beoms, did you hear us?” you ask tentatively, and he flinches a little bit before looking down at the floor and nodding.

you’re unsure of how to navigate this situation from here, but while you’re still trying to figure it out, beomgyu speaks.

“i-i’m so sorry,” he says hurriedly. “i understand if you don’t want me anymore.” 

“w-what? no, i —” 

“i’m just really sorry,” he says, looking as ashamed as a person ever could. “i know it’s wrong, i know it’s disgusting, but i —” 

“beomgyu.” 

“but i can’t help it. i wish i could, but i just can’t; and i understand if you want to return me or whatever, but if you could just —” 

“beomgyu, stop it,”  you interrupt firmly, no room for argument. he stares at you with defeated eyes, and you feel your heart break in two. “i am not disgusted, and i don’t want to return you.” his eyebrows furrow as if he doesn't quite understand, so you continue. 

“your feelings are not disgusting to me, don’t ever say that again, okay? please? it makes me sad,” you plead, and he hesitantly nods. “i think it’s normal, actually. you don’t really know anybody else other than me, so of course you’re confused.” 

“confused?” he asks incredulously, eyes snapping up to meet yours.

“confused,” you nod. “it'll change once you meet more people, i swear.” you try to smile reassuringly, but suddenly, you see tears welling up in beomgyu’s eyes. 

“beoms?” you carefully try.

“i don't need to meet more people. i just need you,” he chokes out. “don't tell me i'm confused because i'm not. i-i'd rather you just say you don't want to be with me than tell me that.” your heart clenches at his words, but he continues. 

“i just want to be with you, no one else,” he tells you desperately. “i can understand if you don't feel the same way, but i can't stand to hear you say i don’t love you, because i do. i really, really do.” and as if you're dissociating, your mind is bombarded by times where he's shown you this exact sentiment. again, you go back to every intimate moment you two have ever shared. it was easy to just chalk it up to his lack of experience, but when he's telling you that's not the case so earnestly, is it truly possible to still believe it’s nothing? after a while, you decide that it most certainly is not. 

the question is: do you feel the same way? you try to put a name to the feelings you have when you’re with him. the trust you have, the understanding. the desire to share everything you know and like with him, no matter how mundane it may seem to others; and consequently, the endearment towards him when you see how eager he is to listen. more than that, the intimacy between you two. how you like waking up to him smiling down at you, and how when something happens, he’s the first one you want to tell, good or bad. how when you listen to new music, you feel excited at the prospect of sharing it with him. 

you realize you want to know more about him, the happy things and even the sad things. why he is the way that he is, why he thinks the way he thinks. the peace you feel when he’s running his fingers through your hair and holding you close when you watch the same film for the dozenth time. you try to picture a world where somebody else rented him. a world in which somebody else got to see him as soon as they wake up or as soon as they get home from a particularly grueling day at work, and you finally understand that you wouldn’t like that at all. but why? you’ve only ever thought of him as a friend, right? so why does it matter to you? 

your eyes focus on beomgyu again, and you notice how utterly defeated he looks. his heart is on full display for you — and you alone — as tears stream freely down his pretty, doll-like face. are these tears just for you? you think so. is it safe to trust that these feelings he has for you are real? you’re not sure, but you want to. still, there’s something stopping you.

“i think… i think i feel the same way,” you admit, and his previously downtrodden appearance immediately lights up with hope. “but we shouldn’t.” and the words are like lead in your mouth. 

“why not?” he asks, clearly distressed. you just gave him an inch, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t take a mile. he never in a million years would have thought that you’d ever reciprocate his feelings, so he can’t just let them go so easily.

“i just… it’s just not something that i can —” 

“is it because i’m an android?” he questions, voice teeming with self-loathing. 

“n-no! i mean, we’re just so different,” you tell him, trying to skirt around the topic as best as you possibly can, but he won’t have it.

“whatever it is, i’ll change it. please? i can do anything,” he pleads. 

“it’s not like that. i want to, but we can't. i-i'll get older. i won't look the same — i won't be the same,” and it’s embarrassing as hell to admit it out loud, but you mean it. beomgyu’s urgent gaze softens, and he inches closer to you before he’s standing before you. he reaches out to gently cup your face and tenderly pushes your hair behind your ears.

“and what about me?” 

“what about you?” you scoff, but you don't pull away from his touch, though your eyes do dart away. “you’ll still be you, and i’ll be old and —” 

“what about when my parts start creaking? what about when i don’t remember things like i’m supposed to? you’ll still love me then, right?” he asks, but he already knows, and your eyes snap back to his.

“th-that’s different. you can get repairs. i can’t —” 

“then i won’t. you’ll get old and gray and i’ll get rundown and out-of-date. i don’t care what happens, as long as i’m with you.” you’re silent in the wake of his heavy words, so he quickly continues.

“you told me that when you love somebody, you’d do anything to be with them. you said you always find a way, and i want to find a way to be with you.” your heart simultaneously warms and aches at this sentiment. 

you consider what it would be like to be with him. things would be difficult, yes, but not impossible. maybe you’ll come to regret it someday, but you don’t want to think about that right now. you feel like the luckiest girl in the world when you think of the fact that somebody so beautiful, inside and out, wants to be with you. you don't think you’ve done anything particularly special for him, but he still wants and accepts you for everything that you are and ever will be.

“okay,” you say shakily, and you finally recognize that his hands are still very much cupping your face, fingers lovingly rubbing against your cheeks. he smiles in pure relief at your answer, but he makes no move to break away his hold on you. 

you notice how his gaze flicks between your eyes and your lips, and you decide you'll have mercy on him as you lean up to him and press a chaste kiss on his pouty lips before parting. he’s visibly red at the action, and you grin at how flustered he looks. on beomgyu’s end, he feels another bloom of excitement and swell of hope threatening to overcome him. when he looks at the playfulness in your eyes, he smiles even wider. 

“i love you,” he whispers affectionately.

you pause before you tell him:

“i love you, too, beoms.”

-

that night, beomgyu is even clingier than usual. he sticks like gum to your side. when you head to sleep, he eagerly nestles in your bed and holds his arms wide open. you follow his lead and settle into his warm embrace. he sings you one of his favorite songs you’ve ever shown him. the last words you hear before you sink into sleep are:

“to die by your side

is such a heavenly way to die

to die by your side, well

the pleasure, the privilege is mine”

notes pt. 2: sfw work ends here!

you and beomgyu have been “together” for a few weeks now, so the relationship is still very new. surprisingly or not, things seem more or less the same. you guess you never realized just how intimate you two have always been until you put a label on things. the only tangible differences are that instead of just a mere hug when he greets you, he plants kisses all over your face before finding his ways to your lips. and when you’re watching movies or even just talking, he’ll steal a kiss or two. and when you head to bed, you know you can expect him to catch your lips like a man starved before you sleep. things get heated, sometimes, but they never lead to anything besides labored breaths and promises to calm himself down. you take his hesitancy as him wanting to take it slow and treasure your first time together, and you realize he still may be traumatized from the years he spent as a sexbot. 

you have apologized to him for telling soobin his secret. you let him know your reasoning for telling him, and he accepted your apology quite graciously. honestly? he was never mad, and he tells you that very clearly, but you still feel somewhat guilty even when he says he understands. your guilt is only absolved when he says he’s thankful you told soobin because things may have never changed without his wise input. he says that he’s grateful to soobin for being a voice of reason in the face of your emotional density. you blushed when he told you this, and apologized for being so slow on the uptake, but he just assured you that he wouldn’t have you any other way, which made you love him even more, somehow. 

you’re now about to go to soobin’s again for another get together with your friends. second time’s the charm, you cheekily told him when you brought it up, and he blushed in response. when you two walk through the doorway, everyone cheers. you greet everyone as usual, and beomgyu tries his best to keep his searing jealousy at bay, but his anxiety starts clawing at him as soobin seats himself next to you and asks you how you are. 

you giggle and tell him you’re doing well, and he responds by updating you on his tumultuous work life. beomgyu immediately wonders why you haven’t told soobin about your new relationship. are you embarrassed to be seen with him? it’s not like he doesn’t understand, what with him technically being made out of wires and machinery. of course a human like you wouldn’t want to be seen with a metal man like him. you could have the entire world in your hands if you wanted, so what’s the point of playing pretend with a fake like him? maybe, if he were you, he’d be embarrassed, too. he likes to think that maybe you aren’t like that, but at the end of the day, how could you not be? he’s nothing more than a robot masquerading as the real thing. 

his anxiety worsens the more in depth your conversation with soobin gets. you try to include him by briefly giving him context about the stories soobin tells, but he can’t stop himself from worrying. again, he feels like soobin is stealing you away from him, and his mood sours. 

your other friends try to talk to him, too, but he’s very obviously in a bad mood as he watches you two continue to laugh together. when you finally do turn to beomgyu, you immediately notice how awful he looks. 

“beoms? are you alright?” you ask gingerly, but beomgyu’s discomfort is not at all placated even at the term of endearment. 

“‘m fine,” he mumbles, and you’re genuinely in shock at his change of attitude. soobin looks very concerned, but he excuses himself to get a drink so you two can work it out, though he has an inkling of an idea of what’s triggering beomgyu. 

“what’s wrong with you?” you ask concernedly, but he shakes his head sulkily.

“do you wanna go home?” you offer, and he immediately nods. you look torn for a second, but when you see how sad he looks, you know you can’t deny him.

you say your goodbyes to your friends and apologize for leaving early, but everyone says they understand. soobin makes you promise to host the next get together, though, to which you happily agree. 

the ride home is mostly silent, but you look over to beomgyu in concern every so often. you grab his hand and squeeze it in a way you hope is comforting, but he doesn’t look any better at all.

when you enter your house, you immediately head to your bedroom, and he follows you in silence. you sit on the bed and pat the space next to you. 

“beoms, what’s the matter?” you ask pleadingly as you grab his hands, and his heart, which was previously aching, is (a little) soothed by your concern. 

“i-it’s nothing,” he answers, but you can tell that he’s lying because of the way he refuses to make eye contact with you. 

“baby, i can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong,” you say. you’re right, and he knows you’re right, but you’re already doing him the favor of a lifetime just by deigning to be with him. how could he dare to ask for more? he’s ashamed at the thought, but you look so sincere, and he knows in his metaphorical heart that he needs to be able to communicate with you if you two are going to have any shot at a lasting relationship.

“i-i’m just j-jealous,” he sputters. 

“oh, baby, why?” you ask. 

“because i’m not like you,” he admits after a pause. “i already feel like i’m not good enough for you, so seeing you with someone who actually is makes me feel awful.”

“who? soobin?” and you’re absolutely petrified when he sheepishly nods. 

“honey, it’s not like that at all,” you tell him. “we’re just friends, i promise.” 

“but it would be so much easier to be with him. you wouldn’t have to be ashamed about telling everyone you’re with an android,” he argues. 

“beomgyu, i am not ashamed of you. i just wasn’t sure if you felt comfortable with me telling everyone. if you want me to tell them, i’ll happily do it. you’re so good, how could i ever be embarrassed of you?” his eyes soften.

“do you mean it?” he asks, and you nod. 

“do i not show it enough? how much i love you, i mean.” he furiously shakes his head no, but you know it’s a lie. beomgyu himself will admit that he needs more validation than most people, and it’s going to take him a while to ever get over it because of his own issues. that doesn’t mean you can’t try to help him, though, so you brush his cheek with your hands before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. 

“does this make you feel better?” you ask after you pull away, but he still looks somewhat depressed, so you pull him in again before pressing your lips against his. this time, you swipe your tongue on his pout, which makes him gasp. you tease your tongue against his and electricity thrums between you two when you do it. he reciprocates your enthusiasm immediately, and before long, you’re both sucking and teasing each other until you’re out of breath.

you pull away again and rest your forehead against his. 

“better?” you question.

“a little,” he says. “m-maybe a little more?” you grin at his coquettishness, and you go in for another kiss. your tongues tangle, but you don’t stop there. your mouth travels, peppering kisses down his jaw to his sensitive neck. he shivers at the contact when you swipe your tongue over his unmarred skin before lightly sucking. he lets out a broken moan when you do it, and it reverberates throughout your entire body and straight to your core. 

“better?” you ask again.

“m-more,” he pants. 

“anything you want, baby,” you tease before your lips hungrily capture his. one of your hands snakes its way up his shirt, and he gasps when you roll his hardened nipple between your fingers. beomgyu is more sensitive than most people, as is the nature of his model, so every little touch drives him crazy. 

you seem to have noticed this, so when your other hand palms his hardened length through his sweatpants and he almost screams, you have to bite back a giggle. 

“d-don’t tease,” he begs, and you’d do anything for beomgyu, really, but not this time.

you palm him even more harshly and his breath catches in his throat. 

“more?” you ask, and he fervently nods. you oblige, sliding your hand under his waistband and teasing the sensitive skin around his length. your fingers brush against it every so often, and he involuntarily bucks every time you do. 

“c-can i touch you?” he practically implores.

“of course, my love,” you tell him as you remove your devious hands and pull your top off before unclipping your bra. 

his mouth waters when he sees you, and you can see him gulp almost comically as his big hands meet your breasts. he copies your movement from earlier, rolling your sensitive buds between his very clearly experienced fingers. you let out a contented sigh at the action, but you won’t let this be all about you, so your hand sneaks it way back down his pants. this time, you grab his girthy cock and give it a harsh tug. his actions stutter, and you smirk devilishly at how fucked out he is when the fun part hasn’t even begun. 

you pull at his waistband, and he eagerly tugs his pants and boxers off as soon you do it. he even goes as far as to tear his t-shirt off over his head before he pulls your half-naked body flush against his, falling onto the bed as he desperately kisses you for everything that you’re worth. eventually, he situates himself on top of you, rutting his thick, long cock onto your still clothed thigh. you didn’t really get a chance to get a good look at him before, but you’re able to look down at him now, and you realize his dick is gorgeous. just like every other part of him. it stands tall, blushing profusely at the tip and practically weeping precum. it’s a bit hooked, too, no doubt to elicit the most pleasure out of his clients. your pussy is drenched just thinking about how it’ll feel when it’s inside of you.

he almost rips your bottoms off of you and his mouth waters even more at the sight of your pussy, all slick and glistening in anticipation for what’s to come. 

“so gorgeous,” he whispers as he prepares to lay himself between your legs, but you hook them around his waist before he can do so. tonight will be all about him, you’ve decided, so you tug him closer and put one of his pretty nipples in your mouth, swirling your tongue on it and occasionally nipping at the sensitive skin. your other hand continues to tweak the other one before you alternate between the two, causing him to let out a low, guttural groan. 

eventually, he goes in for another kiss, all tongue and teeth and saliva, and you take one of your hands and harshly clench around the base of his throbbing cock. 

“is this what you needed, beoms?” you tease, and he nods pathetically as you tug again, harder this time, and let your hands stroke all the way up to his reddened tip. your thumb glides over his slit, and he’s seeing stars. 

“i don’t know why you’re so jealous of someone else, my love. you’re so perfect,” you praise, and his ears get even redder, somehow, in spite of the situation you’re both in.

“i — nghh — i don’t like when you’re with him,” he pants, in spite of everything you're doing to him. “only want you with me.”

“oh, baby, you have me,” you coo. “always.” and with that, you begin to feverishly jerk him off with one hand while the other returns to his nipple. his hips buck with every movement, and his eyes are screwed shut. you can tell he’s about to come before you completely take your hands off of him. 

“n-no! w-why?” he asks with a crack in his voice, watery eyes shooting open at the sudden action.

“don’t you wanna come in my pussy, instead? it’s warmer and wetter than my hand,” you ask with faux innocence with a tilt of your head, and his previously aggrieved demeanor morphs back into pure lust. 

“that’s what i thought,” you giggle as you grab his length and rub it against your slickness. he groans at the feeling, but you don’t immediately take him in, opting to instead roll your hips up, just barely letting his flared head catch against your entrance. 

“baby, please,” he whines, and with a smirk, you finally wrap your legs around his waist and line him up with your entrance. you just barely take the tip in, easing it into your pussy, before you force him out again. he gasps raggedly at how tight you are, and he’s wound up so much, he feels like he’s on the brink of exploding. he’s about to take matters into his own hands before you guide him back inside of you, and he feels your walls struggling to accommodate him. 

“s-so tight! h-how are you so tight?” he hisses, eyes reddened and face strained, but you’re far too busy with the euphoric feeling of him finally inside of you to reply. he eases in inch after throbbing inch, and it is a snug fit, indeed. he almost wonders if he’ll even fit, but though the stretch burns you, the pleasure is too great to ignore. finally, your walls slightly relax, and he’s able to completely sheath himself in you. you both moan as his tip pulsates against your cervix, and he considerately gives you time to adjust, walls contracting wildly around him, before he attempts to pull out and really begin. 

“stop,” you command before he can do so, and his eyes fill with worry at your words. 

“w-what’s wrong?” he stutters. 

“oh, nothing,” you say between pants. “i just want to see how long you can last.” 

“w-what do you —”

and you interrupt him with a kiss. he ravenously reciprocates it, and he can’t help but unconsciously thrust his hips, tapping deliciously on the deepest parts of you, but you prevent him from ever fully pulling out. you tangle one of your hands through his hair and grip it — not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make him groan into your mouth. 

“c-can i move?” he pleads, but you shake your head no. 

“why?” he whimpers, but you just smirk as you kiss him again and bite his bottom lip. 

he doesn’t know how long you two stay like that, but it’s far too long for his liking. he feels his dick swell, and you still refuse to let him move, but you teasingly scrape your fingers against his balls and it’s all he can do not to come. 

“p-please let me move, it hurts,” he cries, tears now flowing from his eyes. for once, sex is all about beomgyu and what feels good to him. he could cry just from the sentiment alone, but his current tears are the direct result of how you’re teasing him.

“and where does it hurt, baby? use your words, i know you can.” 

“h-hurts, my c-cock hurts,” he sputters out. 

“and would pounding my pussy make you feel better?” you goad, and he whines even louder at the imagery. 

“y-yes,” he sobs, and you smile as you say your next words.

“such a good boy. you can move.” and that’s all it takes, really, before he’s pulling out despite your cunt’s attempts to suck him back in, and ramming himself back inside of you again and again.

the curve of his cock hits places previously untouched, and your walls spasm around him at the sensation.

“does it feel good, beoms?” 

“s-so good,” he mumbles as drool pools off of his tongue and out of his mouth, eyes rolling to the back of his head. “so warm and t-tight.” you clench against your will at his filthy words, and it makes a strangled cry leave his throat. 

“pussy so good, baby. your pussy is the b-best,” he babbles, and your lips meet his again before your mouth travels down, sucking a blooming hickey onto his neck. he trembles at the pain that comes with the pleasure, but somehow, he still has the presence of mind to roll his skilled fingers against your clit. just a few touches, and you already feel your orgasm approaching. he can feel every spasm of yours, and it makes his dick twitch inside of you as he wildly fucks you open. 

he’s drilling into you so hard, you have to dig your fingernails into the skin of his back to keep yourself grounded. with each thrust, you feel more and more like you’re about to burst. 

“gonna come!” you whine. 

“do it, baby. c-come all over my cock,” he pleads.

“come inside? want it so bad,” you mewl.

“of course, my angel. a-anything for you,” he tells you as he tenderly brushes your hair out of your sweaty face, and he hammers himself into you at an inhuman pace as you feel the pressure in you crescendo into a searing hot orgasm. you clench even tighter around him while you come, gripping him so forcefully he can barely pull out, so his thrusts become sloppy and uncoordinated before he rams himself into you one last time and paints your inner walls with his cum.

you two stay like that for a while, just panting and basking in the feeling of closeness you feel. he presses a kiss on your forehead as he relaxes his arms and lays on top of you. you giggle at the intimacy and he finds himself sharing your laughter, your joy. 

“you’re so beautiful,” he says between breaths, nuzzling his face into your neck and sighing. “i love you.”

“i love you, too, beoms,” you tell him, and you do love him. unconditionally.

notes pt. 3: :,) :,) :,)))))) i'm very sorry if this was disappointing but i hope it was worth it! i would love to hear your thoughts or answer any questions you may have about this fic/universe. feedback is needed to a disgusting degree bc i need validation to survive #sorry

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[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

hey, so like. I'm a vaguely sex-indifferent asexual who's only had sex a handful of times but like. I had sex with someone who wanted me to ride them once and I could not for the life of me work out how the fuck you're supposed to move to make that both pleasurable and to not accidentally slip off your partner's dick and just.

"bounces on dick like I'm riding him to half canter."

my dude you have no idea how much this has clicked into my head as oh of course that's how that'd work. thank you??? idk when I'll ever ride someone's dick again but now I know how to make it way more enjoyable.

LMAOOOOOOOOOO there's a reason horse girls are all fucking sluuuuuuuuuuts (i say as a former horsehirl and current, proud slut)

People will sell you all manner of workouts to "make you better in bed" but fundamentally the best workout for sexual stamina I've ever had was daily horseback riding back when i worked as a stable hand. That shit will make you ride dick/strap like a motherfucking god

Also: it's a cheap and dirty trick for almost everything sex related, but yall, I'm begging my fellow three-holed sex havers to start doing kegel exercises with weighted aids until you can literally just orgasm command because I've had to do pelvic floor exercises my entire life and one time I rode dick so hard,so long, and so good, that the dick came dry on the last round and this was in no small part because I am capable of massaging the dick on purpose from the inside out baybeeeeeee. You know that trick people do with blowjobs where they put the condom on with their mouth? I can do that with my pussy folks, and trust me, they fuckin NOTICE the quality.

Not to mention, once your pelvic floor is in real good shape, basically anything can feel pleasurable because it's less about WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR VAG and more about you physically inducing orgasm via muscle manipulation. It's the great equalizer of sex and orgasms. I have a lot of neuroses that mean I struggle with orgasm broadly, and especially on my own, but kegels have made it so that I am "sensitive" enough to orgasm real fast as soon as a partner whose movement I am not personally responsible for gets involved.

If anyone has seen that post about "none of your deserve to joke about pillow princesses until you respect the skill", this is kinda what that's talking about. Not that it's MY preference (I am not a pillow princess but I've fucked some and 😍😍😍😍) but I am very capable of laying back and making my top cum **no matter what they're doing** or if it should actually work out that way, because I understand how to perform kegels during sex to A) prevent dick/strap from fully popping out when things get a lil too wet and wild, B) "stroke" the dick/strap in an intentional grip and movement like with a handjob but in my pussy, my anus, or my mouth/throat as well, C) make sure I'm not getting so tight the dick can't keep doing its thing (less of an issue for straps but you fuck a glass strap for 3hrs and tell me how you feel about the idea that you can't get too tight on one for it to work right), and D) how to rotate my hips to adjust depths of thrusts to a top's preference for reaching or holding off from orgasm. That takes skill motherfucker, don't tell me a pillow princess doesn't work hard, that hole is premium grade have some respect and eat it out like it deserves.

.....I've gotten off topic here.

Anyway, I always HATED riding dick/strap because it's just not my thing you know, and like even now it is the worst of the positions for my personal pleasure. But you just can't beat the look on a power bottom's face when you pillow princess them from above like a goddamn succubus, and it turns out that horseback riding will teach you how to do just that while absolutely never once acknowledging that half the point of a morning ride for the horses is rubbing a few out in the saddle where no one can judge you but you and your god

[lollixp0p]

Valentine's lovin' (18+)

Pairing: Bf!Jung Wooyoung x afab!reader

Genre: Romance, fluffy, smut (MNDI)

Word count: Just over 3k!!

Warnings: Idol!au, established relationship, sub!Wooyoung (subtle though), nipple play (m rec.), hair pulling (m rec.), cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!!!), riding, creampie, (reader gets called my love, baby and other variations of it, Wooyoung gets called kitty, good boy)

Summary: It's your first Valentine's day as a couple and Wooyoung decides to take you on the best date of your life, so of course you have to reward him for his efforts ;)

Note: Happy Valentine's day everyone!! It's lovely Wooyoung time, I hope everyone who reads this enjoys (ignore any errors, I'm too lazy to check for them properly right now) :) Please comment, reblog etc. and give me feedback so I know if you liked it!🙏

Please do not under any circumstance copy, translate, or repost my works!

The entire week up to today Wooyoung had been a stressed mess, wanting to make sure everything was in order for your special date. Why special, you may ask? Well because it was Valentine's day and he'd wanted everything to be as perfect as possible.

He'd made sure to move every practice or other schedule from that day to a different one, although their managers had not been very pleased about the information.

He had to nag Hongjoong and Jongho to be out of their dorm by seven pm at the latest, so you two could relax after the date with an amateur spa session and then watch your favorite movies until the two of you fell asleep cuddled on his bed. They'd finally agreed on the promise of free dinner paid by him the next day (much to Wooyoungs dismay).

Even though he had been all over the place on the days before it, the actual date was far more magical you could have ever imagined.

Wooyoung showed up to the door of your apartment in a fancy black suit holding a large bouquet of red roses, to signify his undying love and passion for you.

Although the lower half of his face was covered by a black face mask he looked so incredibly handsome you just wanted to drag him straight to your room and skip the entire date.

"Happy Valentine's day my love, I hope you're ready for the most romantic day of your life! These are for you, the most gorgeous person I've ever had the pleasure of seeing", Wooyoung says, pulling his mask down and grinning at you. He hands you the gorgeous bouquet and waits by the door as you go inside to put them in a vase.

"Thank you Wooyoungie... they're so beautiful", you smile at him bashfully. No matter how long it's been he still manages to make your stomach fill with butterflies and twist and turn in the most wonderful ways. The months you've been together have truly been the happiest of your life and you really can't wait to see what he has in store for you for your first Valentine's together.

Wooyoung tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and leaves his hand on your cheek, caressing it softly. He leans in until your noses are touching, but holds still until you try to look away in shyness at his intense gaze.

Chuckling to himself and muttering a 'silly baby' under his breath, he turns your face towards him and finally closes the gap between you, kissing you passionately. Once he breaks off the kiss you're left breathless and dazed... 'What a little brat...' you think, but he's yours so you don't mind him teasing you like this.

He offers you his arm and after making sure you have everything you need with you, you finally grab it, close the door and he leads you to the company car driving you two to the expensive looking barbeque restaurant he'd booked a private room from.

During the entire ride Wooyoung couldn't stop gushing about how gorgeous you looked and you couldn't help but feel flattered that someone whose looks rivaled that of the suns could see such wonder in you.

When you'd gotten close enough to the restaurant Wooyoung put his mask and baseball cap on to hide his identity, slightly ruining his perfectly placed hair. 'The unfortunate realities of going on dates with an idol', you think to yourself, but ultimately understand it being for both of your safety and privacy.

After checking in at the front desk a waiter leads you to your private room and Wooyoung finally takes both the cap and mask fully off.

He fluffs his hair and helps you take your jacket off as you stare at him in wonder, itching to touch the perfectly fallen curls of his hair.

"Thank you Youngie", you smile up at him. He places the coat on the rack next to the door and pauses for a moment, looking you up and down and smiles back at you. You can hear your heartbeat in your ears, feeling flustered at how taken he is by you.

"You're welcome pretty baby... I didn't realise you still had the jacket I lent you a month ago, I've been wondering where it went", he chuckles to you while pulling your chair back and pushing it closer to the desk once you're seated.

The restaurant staff had obviously known of your arrival beforehand, and made the room ready for use in advance. He sits down as a different waiter arrives and listens to them explain the menu. The both of you decide to split a slightly bigger meal so you wouldn't be too full by the time you got to the dorms.

Wooyoung had picked an incredible place to eat, as the food had looked mouthwatering the moment it arrived in the room, even if the meat had been raw at that point. His cooking skills had really shined through and you suspect that had been a part of the reason he wanted to take you there, fishing for compliments as he grills the meat for both of you.

While eating you exchanged about a thousand kisses with each other, even as you whined at him to stop so you could chew your food. Though he did make up for it by feeding you with his chopsticks and making sure you drank enough in between, smiling endearingly at you as he wipes any stray sauce off your cheeks, kissing them after.

The conversation was flowing so naturally that at times you'd completely forget to eat or sip the wine you had, due to your excitement and interest in the things you were talking about, making his show of affection very helpful even.

Once you had finally finished you'd put away any trash you managed to make and set your cutlery nicely on the table, to make the waiters job easier. Wooyoung got himself ready to leave and then handed you your jacket. He made sure to let the company staff driving your ride know the car could be driven to the front.

The two of you left after thanking the restaurant staff and once outside Wooyoung opened the door for you to get into the car before him.

You found yourself flustered by how he had upped his charm to what must be a thousand percent for this special day. It was clear this day was very important to him, wanting to impress you so.

In the car Wooyoung kept leaving sweet pecks to your cheeks and lips, telling you how much he loved you. It was obvious the shared wine had gotten him a bit buzzed but you could tell he wasn't drunk, just in that stage where he wanted to kiss you until you both were one, entangled in each others love.

Sitting on the right of you, little by little, his right hand drifts down to your thighs, until he's gripping the inner thigh of your right leg. Moving it towards him slowly, he slightly spreads your legs. Though to your relief (and dissapointment) that's all he does.

By now you know him well enough to know that normally he'd be cheeky enough to try finger you in the backseat, but you're glad he knows better right now. Wooyoung must realise that if he keeps his hands to himself, you'll rock his world as a thanks for the best date you'd ever had together yet.

Despite being a little brat that needs to be put in his place every once in a while, you know there's nothing Wooyoung loves more than getting taken care of and pampered, being controlled.

The car coming to a stop is what gets him to stop drowning you in kisses and he gathers himself, taking his hand off your thigh and winking at you. 'God he looks delicious', you find yourself thinking as he's fixing his hair. You have to remind yourself there's someone else in the car with you so you don't take him right here.

Wooyoung opens the door and gets out, then helps you out of the car by holding your hand. After thanking the driver and telling him to have a great night, the car drives off.

He takes off the mask again and shoves it into his pocket, grinning at you when he notices your intense staring. Even if it's meant to be teasing his smile truly is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

The two of you walk up to the front door of the dorm he shares with the leader and the maknae of his group. After the move that divided the eight of them into three separate places, meeting him at the dorm had become a lot less stressful.

Before there was no privacy at all and the rest of the men would tease Wooyoung any chance they'd get. Sure, it was out of love for him but the amount of times one of the seven had walked in on a makeout session was starting to become ridiculous.

Wooyoung pulls out his keys and as he tries to get the dorm key in the lock, the focused look on his face makes you snap and finally jump him. He manages to get the door open just as you turn his head towards you and slot your mouths together. He lets out surprised gasp at your enthusiasm and you use the opportunity to shove your tongue into his mouth.

The two of you stumble into the dark apartment with your lips locked. You kiss him harder and he whimpers, loving the feel of you on him. Wooyoung has his hands holding tightly onto your hips and eyes shut in pleasure but despite that he still manages to turn the lights on in the hallway, very telling of how often you've done this together.

You tap him lightly on the shoulder and he gets your signal, your minds and bodies dancing in harmony, something that makes your heart feel warm and fuzzy. He removes your jacket while you take off his and start unbuttoning the shirt underneath. Leaving everything extra at the front door the two of you run to his room hand in hand giggling to each other with lovesick eyes.

Fuck it, the spa session and movies can wait until later.

He opens the bedroom door, pushes you in and closes it behind you both. Crowding him in against the door you continue making out. You run your hands through his silky hair, tug on it and Wooyoung lets out a pathetic whimper, grinding his already hardening dick against your leg. You push his open shirt off his shoulders and let it fall to the ground.

"Hey... no fair, you have to take yours off too!", he breaks the kiss to pout at you.

"Oh, I'm sorry Youngie... I thought I was in control here? When did you get so demanding, huh?"

He stays quiet and looks down, you can almost see the conflict in his eyes. Should he keep teasing you and risk a punishment or listen like a good boy and get his reward for being such an incredibly thoughtful and sweet boyfriend today?

"Well? How's it gonna be little kitty, are you gonna be good and listen to me?"

He looks up at you through the hair covering his beautiful brown eyes, "... Yeah... yes please, baby," Wooyoung whispers, "I'll- I'll listen- I want you, please."

"Mmm, my good boy, thank you...", you coo at him and kiss him on the cheek. "I'll take such good care of you Woo." His whole face down to his neck flushes red in excitement and arousal. He's so greedy for praise and compliments...

"Take off your clothes and get on the bed for me, won't you kitty?", you tilt his face towards you and he shivers, nodding. He does as told and situates himself in the middle of the bed, looking at you while you stand at the foot of the bed. Slowly you take your clothes off and his eyes widen.

Taking in the sexy red lingerie, barely covering anything, he gulps and grips the knees of his pants, "A-ah shit, what the fuck... You're so sexy...", his face scrunches, shuddering breaths leaving his mouth. You giggle at his obvious arousal, cupping your tits in your hands and groping them. His hands twitch, like he's itching to move them to his very noticeable erection.

"Thank you, sweet kitty. I thought I'd give you a nice little surprise today...", your hands run lower on your body and to the back, leaving them on your ass.

Turning around, you bend over to show off exactly what he wants to see. "Would you like your treat now?", you ask as you run your other hand lower towards your already eager pussy. He takes in a breath through his gritted teeth and watches you stand up straight to take off the bra top of the red set. You get on the bed and he turns towards you as you do, never taking his eyes off of you.

"Come get your treat then kitty", you spread your legs as he crashes down on the mattress, panting like a dog in heat. Not waiting another second he brings his hands down to your hips to take off the remaining piece of clothing.

Wooyoung lowers his mouth to your dripping cunt, moaning in delight at finally getting a taste of you. He pushes his tongue in your hole and thrusts it in and out for a bit gathering your wetness on his tongue.

Him moaning into your pussy makes your legs shake and do your best to keep them from shutting around his face. Seeing you you so lost in the feeling of his talented tongue makes him grind his crotch against the mattress, losing himself in the feeling and taste of you on his mouth. He lifts his face for a moment to take a breath.

"I love you so much... my baby, fuck... You taste so good", he buries his face between your legs again, gripping tightly onto your thighs to keep you as close as possible. Lapping at your clit, he groans in satisfaction.

"F-fuck Youngie... You're so g- so good for me", you gather the hair on the back of his head into your hands and guide him even closer to your wet heat, so that he's buried nose deep in you.

The pressure makes him groan into you and the vibrations of his voice in turn make your legs twitch shut around his head for a moment.

"Shit! My good... fuck, good boy! Doing so well for me kitty", your voice shudders, hands gripping his hair harder.

Soon you find yourself craving something more. "Ah, fingers too kitty...", you tell him, desperately needing any part of him in you, craving to be closer to him in any way possible. And just like the good boy he can, he listens to your command immediately.

Going straight for two to properly stretch you for his cock, he pushes them in and scissors them, sucking on your clit at the same time.

He continues to play with your pussy and it doesn't take you long to get close from his skilled hands. In just a couple more moves of his fingers your pussy throbs and you come around them, making you moan his name loudly in pleasure.

You don't wait long to come down, instead you sit up and push him down by his chest and straddle him, running your hands over his smooth skin.

"Wooyoungie... Let me take care of you ok? You'll let me, right?", you coo at him sweetly, seeing his eyes cloud over in ecstasy as your fingers find his sensitive brown nipples.

"Haa- ah! Yeah yeah, please, hah!", he thrashes his head from side to side on the pillow, eyes squeezing shut in pleasure. You grind your wet pussy against his hard cock and his whole body jolts under you. He lets out a long wound out moan at the promise of getting to be inside you soon. Finally you take him in your hand, position him under you and start lowering yourself on his dick.

His head tilts back as he groans at the feel of you around him, hands immediately flying to your hips to hold onto anything, as you don't wait to start moving on him. He bucks his hips up towards you and you decide to let him, for the sake of Valentine's day.

You put your hands on the sides of his head and lower your face to his, kissing him with fervour as you keep moving your bodies in tandem.

You move your other hand to his hair again and tug on it, making him whimper. He lets go of your kiss to bare his neck to you and you move your mouth to it to mark him to your liking. Already feeling close after your first orgasm it doesn't take very long to feel it building up again and seeing how Wooyoung can barely contain himself it's obvious he's not that far off either.

"You- ah, you gonna come ki-itty? For me yeah??", you lick along his collar bone and tug hard on his hair.

All that he can let out is a silent scream as he throws his head back further and comes in you, mouthing out something along the lines of 'please, yes, yes god, please!!'.

Seeing his brain shut off in pleasure makes you come around him as well and you stop bouncing on his cock, letting him stay in you as you both come down for your highs together, feeling his cum in you.

"Happy Valentine's my good boy, I love you so much", you kiss him on the lips even if he's barely able to reciprocate, running his hands along your back to ground himself.

You decide to rest with him a bit, not having enough energy to get yourselves clean just yet. For now, you just want to feel him close to you.

Your sweet, caring, thoughtful boyfriend.

© lollixp0p 2024 | please do not under any circumstance copy, translate, or repost my works

[cer-rata]

Cerata's 2024 End of Year Artist shoutouts! (part 1)

Okay so this year was the first time I'd really participated in fandom in over a decade, but I'm truly glad I did because I met a ton of great people, and even got to work on projects with some of them. So I wanted to put all of the cool visual art that I've received last year, whether it be art trade, commission, part of an event, or...fanart? Because that happened somehow?

Anyway, there are a number of other people that I worked with last year, but a bunch of that art started near the end of the year, and as such is not finished yet, hence why this post will be two parts, one now, and the second when everyone else finishes up.

No particular order, all of these artists are great, and lovely people, so do go check out the rest of their work and tell them how cool they are, yeah? Also, some are currently open for commissions, so keep an eye out for that.

(Also, this is my first time trying to do ID text, so bear with me if they're a little rough, despite being a writer, I hate words?)

So first we have @fiyaharts with a lovely illustration of a number of the my favorite Krypton and Krypton-adjacent children. Shadi is lovely to work with and fast to the point where it spooked me a little bit, go off girl.

Next we have two pieces from my favorite Evil Woman Apologist, @vivictory-draws, one of a divorced Barbara and Kara being totally normal about it, and the other of my child and blorbo that haunts my waking hours, Conrad. Love N to death, which is why I haunt her with threats of commissioning Joker/Desaad Yaoi.

...Maybe for the next list, who knows...

So next we have the art created for the last @womenincomicsminibang (which is going to be returning with a reverse bang in a few months, keep an eye out on that.)

The lovely and evocative cover was done by the talented @breakingthespacetimewall, and the scenes of Cassie trying and failing to get her life together were done by the wonderful @soop-jpg

Working with them was a pleasure and honor, and their dedication and kindness really helped me through finishing that fic, and I remain incredibly grateful for that.

The first person I worked with this last year, and the one who really helped solidify the core of a lot of my projects, @nicodrawings drew a glorious cover for my mania-induced first longfic, and also a character reference for the aformentioned disordered young man who haunts my waking hours. She's a professional through-and-through, with wonderful instincts and great communication. She's also working on a fan-comic project of her own that I think is wonderful and am excited to see continue.

I lucked out and was paired with the super chill, super talented @byeara on my first fan project ever, and they hooked me up with this super fun and detailed cover for the fic I wrote for that one kon-centric minibang. I loved working with them, and would love to do so again, logistics willing.

This jerk @vnekey made me cry by drawing really sweet, totally unexpected fanart for that mania-fic I wrote. I'm still a little speechless really, I'd never gotten fanart of any sort for any reason before, and to receive something so lovely as the first thing really touched me deeply, and honestly kept me writing through some rough patches.

...Fight me!

My first ever art trade! Kind of! @spider-jaysart is super sweet and supportive and made my...second biblically (is there a Source bible? Are there religious Coluans?) cursed son and his hapless, frankly narratively cursed best buddy look so precious that they ALSO made me cry, can we stop that actually--

Speaking of my cursed son and his narratively cursed Kryptonian, @spicy-apple-pie created this really pretty piece that's...a number of weird deep cuts smushed together into something really specific, but neat if you have the context, which nobody does :3

She was so wonderful and patient and I really enjoyed seeing her run with her inspiration, the Kryptonian mural is super neat and not something I would have ever come up with on my own.

@mediaraiz Is really stylistically flexible, and their "Blob" style really scratched that itch I had for something cute and playful, and they were so game in taking on a larger project, and then went above and beyond in making my lanterns looks truly special.

Finally (for now), @riverdeansart drew a sweet little scene of two horrifyingly stressed totally fine spacebros chilling and chatting about how everything is completely okay!

I was super vague about this one and Dean did a great job getting the vibes right anyway, and with haste.

...So yeah, that's if for now! I'll circle back in a bit when I'm forced to let more artists out of my basement everything else is done!

[miraculously-quality-content]

What if Gabriel couldn't control Gimmi?

Idea that's been rattling in my head since the finale of season 5

"Tikki, Plagg, unite!"

He had done it! He had finally gotten both miraculous! Now, he could make his wish a reality!

As Gabriel thought this, Plagg and Tikki merged into one, forming the true form of Gimmi.

The massive purple kwami stared down at him, then spoke.

"We are Gimmi, the kwami of reality. What is it you require of us?"

Gabriel smirked. "I want my greatest desire to be granted." Gabriel bowed slightly. "With the cost of my life."

Next thing Gabriel knew, he felt extreme pain in his head. Worse than the effects of the Cataclysm.

"We decide the price of the wish, mortal!" Gimmi yelled, seemingly from all around him.

After catching his breath, Gabriel spoke.

"I summoned you! I control you!" Gabriel glared at Gimmi.

Gimmi gave an unimpressed stare back.

"You use our power, yes. But holding our miraculi does NOT give you the ability to say how they work." Gimmi rose so they were not eye level anymore. "The universe requires a balance. So, the price is something of equal value from you."

Gabriel glared at the Kwami. "The grimore-"

"The grimore says a kwami is summoned with a miraculous. And yet, we require 2 miraculi. So, clearly, we are the exception."

Gabriel wanted to say something, but he started going into a coughing fit.

"You may want to stop arguing, as you do not have much time left."

Gabriel pulled his hand back to see that Gimmi was right. It wouldn't be long before the Cataclysm took his life.

"Fine, what is the price for my wish?"

Gimmi raised a nonexistent eyebrow. "Be more specific, everyone has many desires."

Gabriel growled. "My greatest desire, of course!"

Gimmi tilted his head. "Which one? The real one, or the one you claim?"

Gabriel's confusion was visible. "What?"

"Your desire to win in all things, that is your truest desire."

"What? No! That's not-!"

"Lie all you want." Gimmi interrupted Gabriel's response. "But that is your greatest desire. It can be seen in your actions." Gimmi leaned down and got in Gabriel's face, causing him to step back.

"That is why you sent your son away for being unruly. That is why you didn't save Emilie when you had the Rabbit miraculous. That is why you get pleasure in defeating a child." Gimmi used one of their many hands to gesture to Marinette, who has been watching this all happen, while still frozen from Venom.

Gimmi then turned back to Gabriel. "So again, claim all you want that your greastest wish is for Emilie's return, but you and I know the truth."

Gabriel, throughout Gimmi's examination of his character, was silent. Then did his best to look imposing. The way he did when ever someone challenged him.

"Fine, but seeing as how I was able to summon you, I think we can agee I've already achieved that dream. So, another wish is in order."

Gimmi rose back to their full height.

"I wish for Emilie's return."

"We cannot do that for you."

Gabriel physically recoiled. "What!?!" Gabriel scowled at Gimmi. "Is this some kind of rebellion? Because-!"

"We are not rebelling. The problem with that wish, is you."

Gabriel, still furious. "Explain. Now."

"Even when we ignore the fact that the Emilie you think you know and the real person are different, you still do not have anything that would be equivalent."

"Of course I do! A life for a life! I offer my own for hers!"

"Those are not equivalent." Gimmi pointed at Gabriel. "The life must equal in your eyes. An eye for eye, a loved one for a loved one."

Gabriel sputtered as Gimmi rose again. "No loved ones? I have a son!"

Gimmi stared down at Gabriel with thinly veiled contempt. "The fact that you are even considering sacrificing him shows you do not love him the way you love Emilie."

Gabriel, unbothered by Gimmi's accusation, defends himself. "He's a sentimonster. Now that the Peacock is fixed, we can just make another. I'm sure Felix would agree to do so."

Gimmi closes all their eyes as they shake their head. "Do you hear yourself? How can you claim to love your son, when this is how you talk about him? Like he's a thing to throw him away when your whims desire?"

"We're a family! We-"

"We require the bond to be present. And that bond does not exist for you. Nor does anyone feel that way for you, for the matter."

Gabriel gave a bewildered look. "No one feels... again, I have a son, Adrien. He loves me. I'm his father."

Gimmi gave Gabriel a withering look. "There was a point when Adrien loved you. But in your haste to make sure you always win, even against your son, you snuffed out any and all affection he had for you."

Gimmi looks off into the distance. "Maybe in another life, one where you loved your son like you claim to, HE could have made the wish." Gimmi turns back to Gabriel. "And do what you originally intended when you summoned me. Sacrifice you to bring her back."

As Gimmi laid out the consequences of Gabriel's actions, he seethed. "Stop this stalling!"

Gabriel went into another coughing fit as Gimmi gave him a pitying look.

When stopped coughing, Gabriel continued. "There has to be for-"

"There is no way for to bring Emilie back for you"

Gimmi leaned their cheek on the back of their hand. "Nor can I give you eternal victory, as the only way to do so would be to grant your other desire."

Gabriel snarled, with a trail of ash going his face. "Then heal me of this!"

He gestured to the part of his body that was Cataclysmed.

Gimmi shook their head. "The price would either to give you an equally bad condition-"

"I want to be healed! Not obtain a new condition!"

"-or to give it to someone else you care for." Gimmi continued without pausing when Gabriel tried to interrupt them.

"But as we established, you have no one you care for. So again, we cannot do that either."

Gimmi stared down at Gabriel, as he finally realized what they were saying. "You can't mean..." Gabriel, for the first time in a long time, was feeling dread.

"Yes Gabriel," Gimmi leaned over him, "you have nothing to lose, and as such, nothing to gain."

[echoingbirdsofprey]

Lightning On My Lips (Every Time You Kiss Me)

24 - Ain't Nothin' Like Your Love

Pairing: Tyler Owens x OFC Georgia Tennley-Owens

Rating: Explicit! (MDNI!)

Warnings: a mention of smut and lots of fluffy fluffy fluff

A/N: Filler chapter in a way, but a good one! Comments, reblogs, and likes are always appreciated! The crossover is coming next so if you want to be on the tag list for that or added to the tag lists for this and Delicate, let me know! And I know I keep forgetting to link the playlist, it'll be on the Masterlist from now on!

Tags: @djs8891 @gpsmississippihippie @mrsevans90 @barnesboo1967

Sometimes when you spend every hour or every day with someone for a long time, you might look back and not realize that it was only a short amount of time that you actually had in the grand scheme of life. Or maybe you realize that the time went by so much faster that you thought and you're already six months into knowing someone. And then maybe you're thinking, do I really know this person? If I've spent all this time with them? Maybe you do. Maybe you know every part of their day, every idiosyncrasy, every movement of every part of them. Or maybe over that time you didn't get to know them at all and you feel you learned nothing. 

But say you did figure everything out. Every little detail. Every freckle, every bump, every bruise, every stitch, every pain, every pleasure. Then what? Then where do you go from there? Is it now that you're comfortable and you settle into life alongside them? Are you too comfortable? Does it make you wanna run? Does it make you wanna leave? What if all of that made you wanna stay?

What if all of that brought out a primal need to stay? What if everything you knew, whether you liked it or not, made you want to stay? What if despite what they are, despite every habit, every quirk, you wanted to stay? What if you wanted to but you couldn't? What if that pull to stay was so strong that it scared the ever living shit out of you that you had to run from it, because you knew you didn't deserve to feel that way. You didn't deserve to be that comfortable. You thought life couldn't get that good.

But what if it could? What if life could be that good? Too good to be true? When's the other shoe drop? What if it doesn't? What if everything telling you to stay and go at the same time...what if all of that confusion, all of that heart ache and break, all of that shit that makes your heart flutter and dance and happiness bubble up inside you...what if it all forces you to stay? 

That's what love is. It's messy and it's confusing and it makes you wanna run and stay all at the same time. It makes you do stupid shit that you might regret and it makes you do shit that you never even realized would be the best decision you've ever made. 

Tyler had only ever thought of one thing as he'd grown up and that was how bad he wanted to ride bulls and broncs and rope cows. But here, laying next to the pretty blond barrel racer with blue eyes, he thought maybe there might be something else to this life. 

He trailed his fingers along the dip in her spine, along the curve of her ass and back up, ending at the back of her neck. Her hair was pulled into a messy braid to the side and it always surprised him when the little horseshoe tattoo peeked out from behind her ear and her hair. 

It had been a rebellious gesture against her sister as soon as she moved out of the house. Her mother could give a shit. Her sister, though, was the biggest proponent of rules and laws. Manners were what Emmaleigh was all about so when she found out Georgia had been shacking up with a bull rider while on the road and she'd not only gotten the little tattoo, but she'd pierced her nose too...that sent Emmaleigh off the deep end. Georgia didn't need her sister calling her in the middle of the night after seeing a Facebook post of her and Tyler accepting awards together. Emmaleigh had ripped on Georgia for a solid hour and when she was finally done, Georgia broke down in the parking lot, against her truck, and in Tyler's arms. 

And that was when Tyler realized he maybe wasn't in this sport for the passion anymore. Bull riding lost a little luster when Georgia came along. 

“Y'know you could just live with me instead of goin’ home after the season.” Tyler said softly, his fingers still tracing circles on her bare skin. When Georgia had stopped crying from being berated by her sister, Tyler had guided her back into the trailer and laid her down, rubbed the tension from her muscles, and coaxed her over the edge of an orgasm that she could only describe as mind blowing. 

It was like Tyler was made for her. He knew just how to get her there, to get her in the mood, even if she was in a foul one just before. He always put her in a better mood and in all honesty she felt like she was constantly horny for him. Tyler was her first real relationship. Sure, she’d dated in high school. She lost her virginity to a cute boy that competed in cutting her senior year. But with Tyler it was an actual relationship. He didn’t do anything just to get in her bed. He did things because he cared about her. He helped her because he cared when she was stressed and whether or not she was having a good day. 

“Tyler, my mother would kill me.” She said softly, as she hiked her leg up over his bare hips. The blanket was draped over their lower halves and Tyler held her tight against his chest. She held his head in her arms, a gesture that he had become so accustomed to and so comfortable with. He was normally so aversive to anyone touching his head or face, because of his previous concussions, but the way that Georgia held him felt grounding. The way she ran her fingers through his hair and rubbed her thumbs against the bones at the back of his skull that were misaligned, felt heavenly to him. 

“Well, then I guess I’m movin’ in with you.” Tyler joked and Georgia couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah that’ll go over like a fart in church.” Georgia burst out laughing and Tyler shook his head.

“I’m bein’ serious here, darlin’. What do you wanna do when the season is over?” He asked, his tone shoring up. Georgia sniffled and sighed.

“I don’t know.” She said and she sat up then. She sighed and ran her hands over her face. Tyler reached for her but she crawled to the end of the air mattress and slid down and out of the sleeper portion of the trailer. Tyler propped himself up on his elbows and watched Georgia as she grabbed his shirt and pulled it on. He loved when she did that. He didn’t love when she began to pace the length of the living quarters though. He immediately climbed down, grabbing most likely dirty boxers, but he didn’t feel like he needed to be swinging his junk around when Georgia was clearly distraught.

“What’s up, Peach? What’s on your mind darlin’?” He asked, stopping her in her tracks. He placed both hands on her cheeks gently, and she looked up at him, lips parted in frustration and her eyes fluttered shut as he drew her in, licking his lips before touching his lips to her forehead with a reverence that he couldn’t even begin to explain.

“I’m scared.” She murmured, her nose brushing against his sternum. He tipped her head up with both hands. 

“You’re not scared of a damn thing, Peach.” Tyler said with a warm smile. Georgia couldn’t help the grin that tugged at her lips as she stared into his comforting green eyes. 

“I’m scared because I love you, Tyler.” Georgia said, her voice breaking in two with emotion. It was sad and happy all at the same time, and in the same breath. Tyler tilted his head quizzically.

“Well, I love you too, darlin’, but why would that scare you?” He asked softly, his brows knitting in the middle as he caught what looked like fear reflecting from her pretty blues. 

“Because I don’t know if I’m ready for everything that comes with that.” She said and Tyler pulled her in close, a suffocating embrace that cooled her nerves immediately. 

“I ain’t ready for it either, so we’ll figure it out together, Gee. I’d do anythin’ for ya.” He said, his lips meeting the top of her head. “We got this, Gee.”

She melted into him then, the warmth of his skin on hers comforting. She sighed and pulled back slightly. She glanced over at the small couch, her fingers slipping from where they had been on his chest. She stepped toward the couch, folding her legs under her as she reclined back on it. Tyler smiled and grabbed a blanket from the bed. He brought it over and sat next to her, flinging the blanket over both of them. He wrapped his arms around her and she scooted as close to him as she could. It took them a while before they began to drift off to sleep, but when they did, they were out hard for the rest of the night and didn’t wake up until their alarms were both blaring in the morning. Even then, they didn’t want to get up. They didn’t want to leave the comfort of their little world inside of Georgia's trailer. 

🌪️⛈️🌪️

Tyler rolled the creeper out from under Georgia’s truck and Grits crawled out from the same spot. He ruffled the puppy’s ears. Grits pounced on his chest and barked and then bounced off and bowed playfully. Tyler laughed and he grabbed for the puppy but missed and then he called his name.

“Gritty. Get that wrench, bud.” Tyler said, pointing at his feet. The puppy was too smart for his own good, grabbing exactly what Tyler pointed to and dragging it toward his hand. He dropped it on the ground and Tyler rubbed the puppy’s shoulders and told him how good he was. Tyler rolled back under the truck, tightened a few more things and then rolled out. Grits sat patiently by the side of the truck as Tyler sat up. He took a deep breath, blowing a raspberry from his lips, which got Grits all wiggly. He made the sound one more time and waved his hands at the pup, who bounded away and then back and grabbed for Tyler’s hands, taking them gently in his mouth. Tyler laughed at the feeling of his sharp little puppy teeth and then he pulled the puppy toward him, wrestling gently with him for a moment before stopping and placing the pup in his lap. Grits rolled and used Tyler to scratch his back and then hopped up and off his lap.

“Why don’t we go get Gee and show her?” Tyler said and Grits wagged his tail nub, looking expectantly at his human. Tyler used the jack to get up and steady himself, groaning in agony. He’d been under the truck longer than he thought and his body wasn’t going to hesitate to remind him. He wiped his hands on a rag and then checked the mirrors on the truck to make sure they were pulled out all the way like Georgia liked them. She was in the barn, chatting with Ophelia.

Ophelia and Lennon had decided that they would board their horses at the Tennley-Owens Ranch. That wasn’t the official name as of right now, but it would suffice until they figured something better out. Georgia had some names but she wanted Tyler’s input on them. She’d set up a Facebook page and called it Tennley-Owens Barrel Horses, but she wanted to name it something better. For now though, the stalls were full, and Dustin was their full time help. Lennon had offered to help Tyler out in addition to practicing some roping with him, which they had yet to get to with everything else that Tyler was trying to do. He had a lot of projects that he wanted to try to have done before Jaycen was born. He wanted to spend as much time in the beginning as he could with Jaycen and Georgia. 

Grits followed him through the rain to the barn, where Georgia was standing with Wilene’s door open. The mare was playing with her sweatshirt strings, which was something she always did when they were rodeoing. Tyler had fond memories of the mare in her younger days.

“Hey...” Georgia heard his limp before she heard his voice but when she turned, she saw him in a highlighter yellow sweatshirt with oil stains all over it. He smiled weakly.

“What’s wrong?” She asked and he shook his head. He waved for her to follow him. She shut Wilene’s door and glanced back at him. He had a huge smile painted across his lips, like the Cheshire cat.

“Just a lil’ sore. Wanna show you somethin’, c’mon.” He said, turning on his heels and heading back out into the rain. Grits was of course on his heels. 

They stepped into the garage, which was surprisingly warm, and the familiar scent of diesel and oil hit Georgia’s nose. It had become like a balm to her, as it was just a part of Tyler’s distinct homemade cologne consisting of that and the old leather of his boots. Sometimes there was a faint pine scent and she wasn’t sure if that was his actual cologne. She didn’t even think he still sprayed that on himself anymore, but maybe he did on occasion. 

He led her to her truck which, for the first time in months, was off the lift. Her brows furrowed and he handed her the keys, jingling them for emphasis.

“You didn’t.” She said in disbelief. He nodded and pushed her gently toward the driver’s side. She climbed in with a little help from him, as her belly was starting to weigh her down slightly, and she put the keys in the ignition. She turned the, and the truck roared to life, the thrum of the diesel engine sounding almost brand new and louder than ever in the confined space of the garage. Georgia squealed in delight and she hopped out and into Tyler’s arms. “HUSBAND OF THE FUCKIN’ YEAR!” She screamed over the roaring diesel and Tyler’s smile got even wider as he hugged her tight, lifting her off her feet. He kissed her neck and her forehead and the top of her hair. 

“Now, I still need to do an oil change and some other fluids but it’s pretty much good to go. I figured we could go take a test drive. Would be good for you to get outta here.” Tyler said as he placed her down. She grabbed his biceps and jumped up and down a few times. 

“Can we go now? I don’t care where, just somewhere!” She asked and he smirked and nodded. 

“Well you’re gonna drive it, so whatever you want.” He said as she hugged him again.

“”Okay, let me go tell Ophelia we’ll be back in a bit. I think she was heading out for the day anyway.” Georgia said and she nearly ran out of the garage. Tyler pressed the garage door opener and he put Grits up in the back seat. He headed up to the house to grab his hat and the two girl pups. 

“C’mon, Waffles, Pancake, let’s go ladies!” He whistled and they came running from in front of the fireplace and slid out the door. He picked them up and carried them to the truck so that they weren’t a muddy mess. Georgia was coming out of the barn and Tyler handed her the puppies.

“One sec, I forgot somethin’.” Tyler said. “Pull up to the house.” 

Georgia placed Waffles and Pancake in the back with Grits who was whining. “Oh, Gritsy. He left you. What a butthead, huh?” She was joking of course, then reached back as she climbed into the driver side and Grits reached his paw out to give it to her. She shook it and scratched behind his ears, which put him at ease. She shifted the truck into drive and pressed lightly on the gas and the truck lurched forward a bit, surprising not only Georgia, but the puppies as well. The GMC growled as it crawled out of the garage and down the driveway, Georgia stopping in front of the porch. Tyler came out as if on cue and hopped in the passenger side, handing Georgia a pretty brown suede hat.

“What’s this?” She asked, placing it on her head. It fit perfectly. And it smelled new. She took it off for a second, reading the inside. Stetson 30X Felt. “Tyler!”

“You needed a new hat, Peach. And it’s the least I can do, you given’ me a kid’n’all.” He leaned over the center console and pressed a kiss to her cheek then took her hat and placed it back on her head. “And I may have bought myself another one too. It’s felt season anyway.”

Georgia smiled and shook her head. She could only describe what was happening as her wildest dreams. She would pinch herself but she didn’t have to, and she knew she wasn’t imagining it, even though there were days when it felt like she was. As she drove her truck out of the driveway, windshield wipers and heat cranked, she placed her hand palm up on the center console. Tyler placed his hand on top of hers and intertwined his fingers with hers. He brought their hands up to his lips and he pressed a kiss to the back of hers, squeezing hard with a huge smile that reached his eyes. 

[iwriteiguessandiloveit]

Abner's Very Own Fanfic (Chapter 1)

Good evening everyone, it gives me great pleasure to present to you the first chapter of a fanfiction i've been working on for around a year now: 'Abner's Very Own Fanfic'. (Title pending)

This... Took me so long. @ronecam, this chapter is dedicated to you! Have fun reading about the sweet Dot man and his 97 mental illnesses. Heaven knows I had a blast writing it.

So without further ado... Enjoy. -Rea ❤

Chapter 1

'Rock Bottom/Going Up'

"The prison door opens clank open as Abner krill got his power dampener for the first time in years. He rubbed his neck, feeling the sores that the grating metal had left on his skin. The ever-present unease that hung in the air of Belle Reve seemed to thicken, constricting his throat before the Polka-Dots even started to grow in. If he could use his powers, that usually meant he had to at some point soon. 

One of the guards had a grocery bag in his hand and was swinging it side-to-side, deliberately pulling attention towards it. The correct response was to ask about it. Abner had gotten good at discerning what they wanted from him. 

‘Is that for me?’ He muttered. 

The two guards in there with him exchanged tired glances. ‘Whatddya think?’ Guard Number 2 spoke up, chucking the plastic bag toward him. Abner flinched and fumbled with the bag, just barely catching it with the tips of his fingers. Pulling the two handles apart and looking in, ignoring the apprehension that was settling in the pit of his stomach. As he had been beginning to suspect, the colorful costume littered with polka-dots lay in a crumpled mess inside the bag. 

He looked up, resigned. ‘Where do I get changed?’ 

‘C’mon.’ Guard number 1 sighed. 

Changing with the other inmates was always uncomfortable; Many had no qualms about staring at you while you stripped to your underwear and put on the silliest get-up Belle Reve’s seen yet. So, avoiding everyone’s gaze as much as possible, he stepped into one of the bathroom stalls and got changed. He tugged on the itchy fabric, pulled on his goggles and let them rest on the top of his head, putting the strap under his neck. 

The newly suited up ‘superhero’ hesitated before leaving the stall-his eye caught on the silver door’s distorted reflection of himself. He let out a soft ‘huh’ in surprise-the reflection showed a man Abner could hardly recognize. Short for a man in his mid-thirties, skin ashy and almost yellowing, his once soft black hair was overgrown and stuck up like static electricity. His suit hung from him loosely, especially baggy around his middle and all around too big. Deep purple bags dug their way under his eyes, Glazed over, gazed into the reflection with the apathy of a man trying his best to stay that way for survival. 

The edges of his chewed-up fingernails dug into his arm as he absentmindedly squeezed. 

A short march from the community bathrooms down to the East Wing of the prison later; A large, steel reinforced door loomed over them, the hallway dimly lit despite it being mid-morning. The guard that had pushed him earlier pressed a button and spoke into the little microphone. “Hello? We have him.” His stomach flipped when a crackly, staticky voice he knew to be Amanda Waller, the prison warden of Belle Reve responded, “Good. Bring him in.” The door clicked and swung open, revealing a room with broken ceiling lights flickering on and off, gray tile lining the walls. There was a podium near the entrance of the room, Waller at the head of it and the ‘Belle Reve Prison’ symbol on the trunk.

There were people he recognized too: Small comforts in what he’d consider personal hell. Cleo Clazo-who he called his best friend inside this miserable place-grinned softly at him. She took her ‘right hand rat’ Sebastian off her shoulder and it waved its arms at him. (Whether of his own free will or due to Cleo’s rat controlling device he did not know) Abner smiled and waved back at them both sheepishly. Nanau’s hulking half-shark half-human’s-mouth formed what resembled a toothy smile and raised a thick blue hand to wave. Bloodsport (the marksman) just rolled his eyes.

After looking over the scene, he stepped into the foreboding room. The sinking feeling he associated with the ‘Suicide Squad’ was strangely, lacking. The prospect of another mission frightened him; Sure; But his heartbeat had slowed, and the frown that was etched deeper in his features than just his mouth had lightened. Just a bit. 

Amanda Waller finished rifling through some yellowed folders and leaned into the microphone, tapped it once and opened her mouth. 

Whatever may come next; Enormous telepathic alien starfish, thousands of expert hitmen, an otherworldly witch previously worshiped as a god-

Abner Krill was at rock-fucking-bottom. 

And when you’re at rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up. 

‘Welcome back to Task-Force X, Polka-Dot Man.’

[saltcxrcle]

amorcita i'm back to futher discuss the sub!sam headcanons <3

praise is maybe my favorite thing ever, both ways so... oh my god. i'm just thinking about sam doing everything and anything at all to gain your praise. he wants to be good for you so bad, he wants to make you feel so good so bad, and he'll do anything to make sure that happens. and he just needs to know that he's doing a good job, he needs to hear that he's making you feel good. so like you said, every word of praise, especially pet names like "pretty boy" and "good boy" and a personal favorite "sweet boy."

he wants you to praise him so badly, but he gets so soft and blushy and shy when you do. just thinking about calling him your sweet boy, telling him he's so good for you, and his face is pink and the tips of his ears are flaming so he hides his face in your hand. and you have to pull his hands away by his wrists and softly scold him, saying, "don't hide from me, pretty boy." bonus if you're on top of him and you can then pin his wrists above his head. bonus x2 if you kiss the tip of his nose and make him blush softer and be 100000x times more in love with you. then once you've gotten into it, your praise just fuels him and he works so hard and is such a good good boy so that he can hear you moan and praise him <3

as i mentioned, i think i have a thing for sub!sam cumming untouched LOL sooo two of my favorite of your headcanons was him cumming from eating you and and him cumming from just making out and you pulling his hair. like i said, one of the hottest things i've ever read!!! yeah i just think he'd get so shy and sheepish and it's pretty much the cutest most endearing and also hot things in the whole world. he's less embarrassed about cumming from eating you out because even when he's subby, he's so shameless about how much he loves to eat pussy! but uhhh thinking about making him grind against your leg/thigh until he cums <3 my poor sweet baby gets so shy about it, and his eyes get glossy and his voice is so shaky and whiny when he asks, "please, can i cum?" and then you praise him for asking like such a good boy. "of course you can cum, honey," you croon, giving his hair a good tug as you sense him tipping over the edge so that you can pull the most unfiltered, raw moan from his throat as he cums in his boxers <3

:DDDDD this is getting so long! i think maybe i could go on forever and ever about sub!sam!!! oh god!!! i'm going insane!!!! aaaaaaaa!!!!!

blink blink blink i need to reset my brain i'm broken....

bonus uhhhh thinking about him begging while looking up at you with his prettiest, softest, sweetest puppy dog eyes that are shiny with pleasured, unshed tears because he is sooo so so desperate!! ummm that's all for today! okay! i no longer feel anything akin to normal! and i have dance practice all day tomorrow! so i will go to bed now :)

I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHH AHHHHHH i hope your pool party was fun!! <33 i'm excited to read your week recap when i get the chance <33 HAVE THE BEST NIGHT MY DARLING DAISY <3

-mari @prentissluvr

PLEASE MARI I JUST WOKE UP TO SEE THIS IN MY INBOX??

i- i- wel- can- @_@ *brain has shut down and restarted*

I NEED SUB SAM SOOO BADLY NOW OMG ALJDHFAIDHFDBFAUDFD

more specifically i need to see your variation of it bc i just know it'll be so good :))) i patiently await the day you make the post and then i'll reblog the hell out of it

arghh i literally have no more to add bc you've broken me and now all i can think about is sub sam grinding on my leg with wide, teary eyes because he wants is to cum @_@

ARGGH I LOVE YOU DOVE!! <33 the pool party was in fact very fun and i had a blast swimming with my friends!

oh take your time! ill know you'll get to it when you get to it hehe, but i hope your dance competition goes swell!!

love you always my sweetest dove <33

[prolix-yuy]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you for the tag @oonajaeadira! Funny enough I saw this go around a couple months ago and meant to do it, then life got crazy. This seems like a great time to jump on in!

How many works do you have on ao3?

48! Wowza! That's not counting fics I only post here (like my Writers Iron Chefs and the Bangathon)

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

338,089. That's kind of crazy, I'm not gonna lie. And some of those words aren't filthy :P

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Pedro Pascal Cinematic Universe!

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

Something New, One Very Good Night, Both Sides of the Door, A Sweet Response to Tragedy, and Good Company. 4 out of 5 of these are from I Think of You, which does warm my little heart. I did laugh that their popularity is completely out of order from the series.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes yes yes! Every single one I get! I'll even yank your tags out and comment on them when they make me especially happy. It's the best part of sharing my stories.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

TECHNICALLY One Very Good Night had the angstiest ending before I continued the series. Same with Cognitive Dissonance! Apparently I get to an angsty end then just write a part 2.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think that's tied with the real ending to my Whiskey & Westworld series, and all the gooey soft fun of my Javi G series. Both make my heart glow in different ways.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Knock on wood, nothing so far. I've gotten a couple of interpretations of my fics that have made me cock my head because I just don't think the person read the story, or if they did they skimmed over the character development part. But otherwise I've had a very nice time with everyone here <3

9. Do you write smut?

If you don't know by now, I'm not sure what you've been reading...

10. Craziest crossover?

100% Whiskey & Westworld. Golden Circle meets android theme park? Lusting over cowboys and having existential crises? It fit better than I ever thought it would and I still love the crap out of it.

(though as a side note, having Javi P be the person who helped Santi find his girls in the SW!Frankie AU is another fav)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not? Yeesh.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but that would be pretty neat!

13. Have you co-written a fic before?

No, but I have had the distinct pleasure of @psychedelic-ink writing a fic in the SW!Frankie AU that made my whole life.

14. All time favorite ship?

HELP I'M TORN. It's a tie between Din and my Reader in I Think of You and Dieter and Murch in Best Laid Plans. I think about both of them so so so much.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will

I have a handful of small WIPs in a folder that who knows if they'll come to fruition. I think the greatest contender is probably the Post-Apocalyptic Frankie I tossed around because The Last of Us came out and it might just meld into a Joel story instead.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm good at pacing and giving enough description to keep a reader engaged but not bogged down with details. People connect with my reader characters in a way that makes me super happy. And I write damn good smut.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I can't write outlines or my brain says "it's done :)" and I never write the story. I can't write out of order. I struggle with making characters have meaningful fights and arguments because I'm non-confrontational IRL and it makes me anxious.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language

Flavor! I love reading it! I tend to shy away from writing it because as someone who knows another language, it never feels natural to me to throw it in. Pet names are a nice way to use it, and I'll allude to speaking other languages in descriptions, but it's difficult so I tend to not add it much in my stories.

19. First fandom you wrote for

Gundam Wing when I was about eight or nine. Part of my username is in homage to that! My friends and I would write our fanfics and then read them all out loud at sleepovers together. Pre-internet, this was my Tumblr lol.

20. Favorite fic you've written

You know, I love all of my fics a whole damn lot, and my top ones are still hard favs. But I think for a story that came out of my heart in a really nice way and that I hold a little closer than the others, The Plan might just top them a tiny bit.

NP tags: @iamskyereads @psychedelic-ink @julesonrecord @wannab-urs @ezrasbirdie and anyone who wants to play!

[jainydoe]

I was tagged by the lovely @volkoss for this ask the author! Here's the thing, I really don't think my WIPs are super appropriate for this just cause like...there are no lessons to be learned from a fluffy sugar baby au yk. So, instead, I'm gonna share a bit about my novel! Maybe branch this blog out into more fandoms/writing in general? Maybe? Who knows? ARE WE EXCITED AHAHA

What is the main lesson of your story?

Grief is an indulgence that shouldn't be rushed and is actually the pinnacle of the human experience. Also friendship trumps romance and the two are indecipherable.

What did you use as inspiration for your world building?

It's a blend of the town I went to college in and the morgue I worked at.

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, or help them grow as a person?

The MC is trying to find peace. As am I, I suppose. I think it might be a nice story to live vicariously through. If you had the money, time and resources to completely wallow in the pleasure of misery, would you? I guess the point is to inspire people to be gluttonous with their pain very Loviatar

How many chapters is your story going to have?

However many it takes, I suppose

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

Original Content! If I ever finish it I'm not sure where it'll be. I'll consult my advisors (my best friend and partner)

When did you start writing?

I guess since I was a kid, but I really got into it in high school.

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr?

1) This is your play pen, your workshop space and the time to make mistakes. You're surrounded by a community of your peers who are here to see you flourish and succeed. Try on different hats, write genres and styles and characters you never have before, and remember we're all here because we loved something so much we came to tumblr.com. That's beautiful. 2) If you're a new writer and intimidated by someone else's style or handle on their projects, a lot of us have been doing this for years. This may be a new blog and I may be part of a new fandom, but I wrote garbage when I was fifteen and it was writing fanfiction that got me to work out the awkward phase and get into a stride where I was skating. By writing "bad" fanfiction, you are doing EXACTLY what you should be doing. You gotta grind the stone before it's sharp, etc. p.s. don't let your age discourage you??? I've been engrossed in fics and gotten to the author's notes and the person was like Sorry for the late update i had to register for high school so 3) REACH OUT TO PEOPLE!! DM authors you like and tell them you like their style!! I've met so many amazing people in this fandom and probably would not have continued writing if it weren't for the encouragement from them. Life is short, message blogs you admire.

I'm tagging the other fates, @emmg and @caffeinatedmunchkin but please fill this out and tag me if the Spirit moves you!

[zepskies]

I just have to say, genuinely everything in the BMD-verse is some of the best stuff I’ve ever read, BMD has managed to climb it’s way up to being one of my all time favorite fics that I could endlessly re-read and I can’t thank you enough for that. It was so well written and so many subtle details went into making the word feel so real, to the point where I truly felt immersed in the plot and could clearly visualize everything in my head. This fic made me laugh, cry, and had me on the edge of my seat wanting to read more to see where everything went with these two. Reading it helped brighten my day when I wasn’t having the best one. Also I don’t think I’ve ever loved OC’s quite as much as I absolutely love Frank and Loco, you put so much world building and detail into this fic and it really shows so beautifully, you were able to encapsulate the personalities of each character so well, down to the little details in how they react to certain situations or things they’d be likely to say, all while still giving your OC’s just as much depth and personality, you even executed the character arcs so realistically and it was done so damn well. This fic truly felt like a masterpiece and I am so grateful that you decided to create it, so genuinely thank you!

Okay, I didn't expect to cry today but you managed it, lovely Anon. 🥹💚

I've actually been going through a roughish time in my personal life, so you sent me this amazing note at the perfect time...

I'm having a hard time forming actual words right now, but I'm so happy that Break Me Down has become one of your favorite stories, and most of all that it helped brighten your day when you weren't feeling so hot. I definitely have my comfort stories, books, movies as well.

I genuinely put my heart and soul into BMD from conception, to outlining, to writing and editing each chapter. Even now I look at those 19 chapters and can't believe it's something I actually wrote. I'm just a sucker for a redemption story, and after SB's character hooked me, something crazy told me that he should get his chance to become a real hero.

(Here are some more details you probably don't want/need to know about how BMD began. 😅):

After writing Checkerboard, @deans-spinster-witch knows, as I've credited her many times, but she encouraged me to write a "prequel" to expand on how SB might get to that level of character growth.

...And somehow, BMD became an "enemies to lovers" epic. 😂

Thank you also for loving Frank and Loco! I've said this before, but one of the best writing tips I've ever gotten about writing minor characters is this: Write them like they're the protagonists of their own stories.

Give them their own character arcs, however short or long, whether tragic or fulfilled, etc.

When they're in the scene, give them something important to do or say that furthers the plot.

If you can't name a character, 9/10, they probably don't need to be there.

Without both Frank and Loco, Ben and the reader wouldn't have made it through until the end. And those two (especially Frank) now live in my head alongside Ben and the reader and their ever-evolving story.

This fic truly felt like a masterpiece and I am so grateful that you decided to create it, so genuinely thank you!

Damn it, who's peeling onions?! 😭😭

You're so very welcome. 💚💚 It's an absolute pleasure to write for you guys, but also to express myself and get out these stories that live rent free in my head. 😘

(Btw: I totally respect that you're anonymous in my inbox, but feel free to comment on this and let me know who you are -- only if you feel comfortable! You absolutely made my day, hun. 💓)

[andypantsx3]

was it hard to re-establish your self-identity & friendships after your breakup? sorry for the personal q but I think I need to be single for awhile but I'm scared lol

Omg this is a deep cut, I'm surprised you remember me talking about this!!

Yes and no! For the first little bit I felt really aimless. I was shocked by the amount of time I suddenly had on my hands, the very present lack of a person to talk to about all my little daily things and to cuddle with at night. I felt like I had absolutely no hobbies and couldn't remember what my personal interests were, because my boyfriend and I had done every little thing together for close to six years!!

But after a little while I found it so strangely freeing. I'm sure it must be different for different personality types. But I took special pleasure in cooking the kind of food I wanted to eat without having to cater to his tastes, going places on a whim without checking in, having time and space to pick hobbies back up. I liked not having to pick between social engagements, where we'd have to do something with his family the weekend another friend wanted to hang. I liked not having to remember all his family birthdays and make sure he'd gotten them something when it was his damn family and he should have been responsible!!

Idk! I genuinely feel like the summer after my breakup was the best summer of my life. I spent so much time reconnecting with friends—cooking with them, going to wine bars, getting messy at karaoke— going on trips, netting myself a promotion, etc etc. My roommates became the people I could go grocery shopping with and gab with after work and stick my feet under during a movie lol. I started writing for the first time ever, went to the gym regularly again, discovered what my routine looked like if it was meant to suit me and only me.

And I really liked it. I still really like it. I'm actually worried about what happens when I meet my next boyfriend because I love the time and space that I've found for myself and I guard it selfishly now lol.

I think you have to sit with it for a while, but life rushes back to you very quickly and you will find all those holes in your heart plugged in again so very easily. Maybe it could be different for you, if you're a little less of a lone wolf type personality, and maybe it will take longer!! But I hope you enjoy the time and space you will have to get to know yourself again. Some people don't ever get that.

[evesaintyves]

for @remadoramicrofics October 2nd prompt, "cat"

995 words. Read it below or on AO3 😻

Earlier in the week, she was complaining about her flatmate— she's so annoying, up at the arsecrack of dawn every morning making noise, always wants a bite of my dinner; like, no! Get a job and buy your own! Merlin's tits, the cheek on her— so the first time he assents to going back to hers for one last drink, he glances around her narrow flat with its shoe-pile, its wallpaper of black-and-white gig flyers, and asks if anyone else is home. Tonks is curled up next to him on her hibiscus-printed couch, a refugee from the seventies just like him, and it would be unseemly to be found like this, might even pop the bubble of flattery and delusion that floated him all the way here. 

Oh yeah, she says. Vivienne's in the bathroom. She ticks her wand in the air, the bathroom door clicks ajar and around it winds a calico cat, tail aloft. You're behind on the rent, Tonks says icily. By about... thirty-two months.

The cat stops, dainty paw in the air, and gives her a look of big-eyed surprise, like, no, your maths are off, and Tonks hops up, scoops the cat into her arms, buries her face in her fur.

Rubbish flatmate. A loud squeaking kiss. As soon as Tonks sets her down, the cat leaps onto the sofa and settles herself on Remus's lap. He gives her a stroke from ears to tail; she nuzzles her head against his shirt buttons.

Weird, says Tonks. She's a total dick about strangers.

Oh?

Yeah. She squints at him. You must be special or something.

Remus scratches Vivienne under her chin. Her eyes close, slowly. Well, Vivienne, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Tonks drapes herself back into the warm spot she's left next to him on the couch. She's not touching him, but she is almost touching him. If he could only relax, he might sink back into the cushions with her, try out an arm slung over the back of the couch. Try out a touch of the wisps of hair that have come untucked from behind her ears. But he can't. He's stiff with anxiety. Because what if he's wrong about what any of this means: the way she straightens his collar, the way she tells him I've missed you this week.

You've had a cat before, she says. No question.

Vivienne has rolled to let him pet her tufted belly. The quickness to trust has thrown him off-balance. Both the cat and the girl.

When I was very small, he tells her.

Tonks just looks at him over the rim of her glass. She has this way of staring like she's silently daring him to do something. That's projection, surely. She's a sweet girl. She can't have half an idea what she does to him. And he's misrepresented himself, in his practiced-automatic way, as a normal person. Someone worthy of trust. It's dangerous, he wants to tell her, to be so open with someone like him.

Rupert was his name— Remus blurts this out instead— he was missing most of one of his ears. I remember I had this idea that he'd gotten in a fight with a Chimaera—perhaps my father joked about it. Rupert wasn't actually the fighting type, I think. We had mice in the kitchen all the time. I remember Dad—we were hinkypunk-spotting on the River Usk, crawling around in the mud and the reeds—telling me: 'pretend you're Rupert chasing a mouse.' Meaning, stay back, don't get too close and frighten them off.

Tonks throws her head back and snorts.

Vivienne's the same. I swear I've seen her lose a fight to a dead moth.

Yes, Remus says, rubbing the cat behind her ears. She seems quite gentle.

Did Rupert... do a runner? Or...?

Remus frowns.

I don't actually know. By the time I was five or six he wasn't there anymore.

There's a slight tremor in his breath—it's the first he's ever really thought about it. He thinks he might know why. But those things go in the tight cupboard at the bottom of his mind, and he does his best not to rummage back there.

I don't remember much from that time, he admits with a mouth of cotton.

Tonks reaches out, slowly, the way you'd reach to touch a wild animal, and brushes her fingers against his cheek.

Molly and Arthur have come to see Teddy, and Dora has graciously given them the side of the sofa that doesn't have a long white streak of baby sick crusted into it. Remus is up and making tea, rinsing carpet-hairs off the dummy at the kitchen sink. Cheers, love, Dora says, sweet and tired, when he lifts the baby's head from her shoulder to swap out the burp cloth for a dry one. She presses her cheek to his forearm and asks for another cup of tea.

From the kitchen he hears the groan of the bathroom door, and then, a moment later, Molly's oh goodness, who is this? He smiles to himself, tweezing three sugars into Dora's cup. Viv's been a bit jealous since Teddy was born, always making figures-of-eight around Remus's ankles while he's walking Teddy through his colicky nights.

When he turns around, Viv is draped over Arthur's lap with her head nuzzling the crook of his elbow.

Oh yeah, Dora is laughing, she's a total slut. She'll let anyone have a feel. She'll probably try to go home with you.

Remus stops in the doorway and the spoon rattles in the teacup. Dora turns to look, and on her face there's half a smile: not as much like she's been caught as much as she's daring him to say something about it.

She winks. Teddy's little legs kick inside his sleep sack.

Remus sets the cup of tea beside her and strokes the baby's fuzz of sea-green hair.

It's true, he says, grinning.

image 1: kees van dongen, woman with cat

image 2: inagaki tomoo, cat

[seoafin]

anyone bashing your writing has no fucking clue what they're talking about. ddao is one of the best written fics i've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes upon. rip mc is so nuanced and so understandable in her numbness and her responses to trauma and her willingness to bear all for the people she loves the most even if it hurts her. i love her so so much. also im fending off ppl asking for updates with a broom. YES we love your writing but we also need to be patient because you are a REAL PERSON with real responsibilities and emotions and AHHGHHH I'm so sorry that people just don't understand that. they need to give you your flowers not greedy asks for you to endlessly churn out content. sending u roses and angelicas and dahlias and goldenrod flowers

ozzzzz 😭😭😭😭 yeah I've just been fed up bc 90% of all the comments I've gotten in the last 2 weeks have been "I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER RIGHT NOW" type comments and it just rubs u the wrong way you know like there's gotta be better ways to phrase that especially if u DO want a next part 💀

[deramin2]

People calling any queer death "Bury Your Gays" is so funny/maddening to me because it shows they do not engage with queer media. They only engage in straight media that grudgingly has queer characters that can easily be gotten rid of and so live in constant hypervigilence over it. Or they've just been part of queering straight media where they're introducing queerness to the story themselves and always under threat of that being explicitly not true (or superhell).

But if you actually watch queer media by queer people you'd know there's no taboo on death in queer media at all. It's a frequent subject actually. What makes a good death, what we learn from those dying, how we hold onto and honor the dead while moving on. Films like Spoiler Alert (2022), Philadelphia (1993), Love! Valour! Compassion! (1997), or shows like Rūrangi (2020-) and Angels in America (2003) introduce queer death or the inevitability of it right at the start and then grapple with how it ripples out.

To act like a community that's faced genocide by disease, hate crimes, and high suicide rates on top of the mundanity of death that they should never talk about death is deeply offensive. It's anti-queer because it denies us talking about our biggest struggles. Including death in dangerous jobs or lifestyles we were pushed into to find freedom while marginalized. If we're not allowed to talk about death then we're not allowed to talk about reality.

I want people who want only soft kids shows to go back to watching soft kids shows and leave the rest of us the hell alone to make meaningful art about reality. I want people to stop using "representation" and social justice language to stifle and oppress queer speech. I want people to shut the fuckup about wanting queer media if they refuse to engage with our actual industry and traditions, most of which is independent. Instead of complaining nothing's out there because it wasn't advertised to them with a big budget and was too human when they did notice it.

I used to think I hated romcoms. Turns out I hate straight romcoms. Queer romcoms are all about deconstructing three tropes and norms I hated and they're great. Some of the best and funniest and most relatable films I've seen, even as an aroace person. Even the sex scenes are so much more meaningful they don't annoy me or feel awkward. (Riotously laughing at the sex scenes in Bros (2022). Peak comedy.)

I want to chew the furniture because 3 years ago I switched to watching mostly queer media and very little straight media. There's so much more out there for me to watch still, and they're done of the mist diverse and thoughtful and real stories I've ever had the pleasure to watch. We have such a rich and brave media tradition. And people just blow all of it off to complain about anything breaking into the mainstream actually being part of those traditions. Including traditions of challenging and complicated relationships that lack definite resolution. And including death. So many of our best films include death as an inevitable part of life. Death as the contrast that reminds us to live and love every day. To honor our elders (and those who became elders at 20 taking their last breathes too soon).

I'm taking "Bury Your Gays" away from people as a concept until they learn what it actually means and properly engage with real queer media culture through more than fandom discourse. You've all lost privileges through your rampant ignorance. Come back when you've learned to be a grown up.