#you are going after people who have made it clear that they do not see those characters as family
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itâs actually insane to me in retrospect that viktor got the arc he did. I need to go back and count his screen time minutes, but itâs clear that heâs up there numerically, and his story has so much weight within the narrative outside of just numbers as well.
beyond that, though, is the fact that viktor's narrative is fundamentally one about internalized ableism and the systemic structures that encourage it.
(obligatory disclaimer #1 that I have a significant mobility disability and a progressive chronic illness, but I am only one disabled person.)
imagine this: you are a child. you are disabled. the world you live in is one where you cannot afford healthcare; no one is there to teach you how to even use your cane correctly. your world is inaccessible and, worse, even the people who would normally show class solidarity with you don't, because you are not even able to do what they expect from you. characters like vi, powder, claggor, ekko, and mylo are all shown care and solidarity that viktor isn't â because they are able-bodied and therefore able to "pull their own weight."
this, at least, is an environment that can probably be overcome or mitigated by age and meeting people in your community who do care about you. this is an environment comparable to that of many, many, many disabled people who manage to thrive in a deeply unfair and ableist world.
but then you encounter a man who sees that you have talent and tells you as much. he does not ask much of you and he does not care that you are disabled. all he asks is for some help, which you give, and in return he teaches you the things he knows. what comes of this, after all is said and done and your understanding of the world has been fundamentally changed, is that you do have something you can give to your community, to the world. you have a talent which you can use to make yourself useful. you're not strong or sturdy but you can make machines, and that is always in need.
but you can't skate by on being useful like a normal child. the onus is always on you to prove that you're worth the air you breathe and the space you take up, that it's worthwhile to keep you alive. and the place to go to make yourself the most useful, where the most change can be made, is not a place you have any traditional way of accessing. you, through tenacity and grit, manage to get there anyways. (the show doesn't depict this, but any way viktor would have managed to get to the academy would have involved significant difficulty and possibly deception).
and when you get there, to that towering city of bronze, you find that nothing you do actually matters all that much.
everyone looks at you and sees your disability. everyone looks at you and sees where you're from. no matter how smart or accomplished or helpful you are, your behavior will always be, in their eyes, representative of your people. you could handle the stares, the rejection. but their judgement is dangerous to you and your people.
so, in order to survive, you must be perfect. you must project confidence or at least indifference to their cruelty. you must do as you're told and accept meager promotions and toil away as an assistant. you might be the only disabled zaunite they'll ever meet, so you have to make it count. if you fail, if they decide everyone from the undercity is lazy and useless, it's your fault.
you tell yourself you won't let them get to you. you tell yourself that you believe in your abilities.
it's a convenient narrative, and it's wholly untrue.
you, after all, are only a human being. a lifetime of the chips stacked against you is nearly impossible to overcome.
and so the image you build of yourself is that of a man far more self-confident than you, one who is quiet and reserved but proud of his accomplishments. the man you actually are, though, is one desperate for acceptance. desperate to assimilate. you chase your dreams, yes, but you can't bear to take credit, can't bear to be the face of them. you don't let yourself get close to anyone except the man you've built all of this with, who you love more than anyone else. you don't let anyone touch you (except him) and you don't touch anyone. you convince yourself you don't deserve his love or anyone's, that you're not whole enough for that.
you take it so far that, when you finally have the technology you think can cure your terminal illness, the first thing you try to fix is your leg. not the thing eating at your lungs and cutting short the time you thought you had, but the leg which has marked you as Other your entire life. and even though it doesn't quite work, even though it still causes you pain with every step, you force yourself to run on it â faster and faster until you're outrunning the ships and screaming because you may have visibly "fixed" your leg but it still hurts the same.
and when the system is not only oppressive in the material sense but also set up to make you hate yourself, there is almost no escaping this cycle of self-hatred. throw in the fact that in season 2 viktor keeps getting tossed from resurrection to resurrection against his will and it's no wonder the man did the things he did. it doesn't excuse them by any means, but arcane is not interested in excuses â it's interested in what makes people do the things they do. everything that he did to the people in the commune was a reflection of his own self-hatred, both because he still possessed it after death but also because, since he was programming the hexcore to try and save his life but started with "fixing" his leg, it is designed to make people as physically "normal" as possible. the faceless, identical machine people are a metaphorical representation of the ideology viktor has bought into in his pursuit of self-hatred and internalized ableism. his whole arc across both seasons is a demonstration and condemnation of the ways that systems of oppression reinforce self-hatred in the people they are oppressing.
obligatory disclaimer #2 that I don't think arcane did everything right. I'm frustrated with the direction of season 2 away from the piltover/zaun class conflict and towards the broader league of legends universe. but I do think, as a disabled person with a very similar experience of my disability to viktor, that this arc is well-done and very compelling. in the end, what saves the world is viktor accepting that he is deserving of being loved. I'm going to be thinking about this one for a good long while.
#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#viktor arcane#jayce talis#jayvik#internalized ableism is something that has seriously impacted my perception of myself throughout my life and my ability to thrive#so it's wild to see an arc in a massive media property actually explore it well
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I love the batfamily and daughter series!!! Now, I know this would be incredibly difficult for daughter reader to achieve but what if she kissed someone at school? When they do ask she doesn't deny it she just says, "Yeah. I kissed that person. I like them and they're smart, talented, and respectful. Shouldn't you be proud I picked someone like that?" or something along the lines of it. Thank you for reading!!!!
Yandere Batfam w/ Wife/Mother!Darling & Daughter/Sister!Darling Masterlist
She is absolutely in trouble, so much trouble.
Damian is the first person to find out because he sees it happen, it is after school and they are supposed to be heading home because Dick is picking them up and waiting for them. Damian goes out to look for her only to find her kissing a boy from her class in the staircase and oh my god he is pissed. If he had not been restraining himself for the sake of their civilian identities he would have probably beaten the boy to death or damn near it, but instead he shoves him against the wall, holding his collar.
âIf you dare even talk to my sister again I will end you, do you understand me?â
âY-yesâ
He then proceeds to drop the boy to the ground and drag his sister along to the car where Dick is waiting and he immediately tries to defuse the situation when Damian quite violently shoves her in the backseat of the car.
âHey, hey, Damian you know we donât ever get violent with her-â
âShe was engaging in inappropriate behavior with a boy in the stairwell, Richard. Which is also not allowed, father has made that very clear.â
âLet⌠let me talk to him about this, you two need to behave.â
He drives them both back to the manor and while no words are said the disappointment is incredibly heavy, she can see Dick looking back at her in the rear view mirror with glances that make her heart sink to her gut.
The thing is when they get home Bruce already knows what happened, the boyâs parents called the principalâs office and now there was a whole lot of trouble brewing because of their actions. Bruce scolds Damian first, because of his threat and violent action he may have and up getting expelled and so now theyâll be having the family over to make amends and clear up this whole mess. Then after that his daughter gets chewed out for breaking one of the rules, sheâs far too young (even if she is a teenager by this point ), what if he finds out about their secret identities, what if she and her mother get put in danger because that information gets leaked? It is one of those situations where he speaks without letting her speak, letting go her guilt build up to get his point across.
âFather, he is the top of my class, he is part of the service outreach program, he is-â
âThat is not the point, it is to keep you safe, to keep your mother safe. There are people out there who would hurt you and your mother if they found out. I am not letting anyone die again.â
âFather-â
âI will pull you out of school if you keep fighting me on this, young lady.â
âFineâŚâ
She just agreed to not fight him on this, not to not kiss or date the boy.
Tim found out by listening to Damian talking to a very stressed out Dick about it and well curiosity and caution get the better of him and he does a whole background check on the boy and his family to find something to show to his little sister that this is not the type of person she want to be around or dating-
Perfect, he is literally spotless, so is his family, quite literally model citizens.
He is very bitter about this fact and it only infuriates him more because he does not want his little sister with him but there is not solid reason to give. So when the boy and his parents come by to sort out this incident, Tim hates him already, he is just so insanely perfect.
Then there is Jason who looks like he is about ready to strangle the kid when he sees him walk through the door of the manor with his parents. Tim may or may not have found the footage of what happened in the schoolâs security cameras and shown them to Bruce and the others, and at first Jason did not really care, she broke the rules so she will deal with the consequences, but then he sees the video and he is pissed. That boy was practically feeling up his little sister and she was to him, but that doesnât matter. Then also like Tim, he hates how perfect he is, literally nothing to really hate, he is respectful to his sister, talented, romantic, a goody two shoes.
The other family is very civil, even after the fact that Damian threatened their son. All of them have to keep calm when they see their little sister and this boy laughing and talking all during dinner. Bruce even had to grab Jason to hold him back when the boy kisses her cheek when saying goodbye after the incident has been resolved.
âWhat? Shouldnât you be happy I picked someone who is nothing like you?â
She is grounded for half a year.
Aldo a little extra bit to think about, her boyfriend and his family being a part of the Court of Owls and he is a potential yandere for her, just a thought.
#yandere dc x reader#yandere dc#yandere justice league x reader#yandere justice league#yandere bruce wayne#yandere bruce wayne x reader#yandere batman#yandere batman x reader#yandere batfam#platonic yandere batfam#platonic yandere#yandere batfamily#platonic yandere batfamily#platonic yandere dc#platonic yandere bruce wayne#yandere damian wayne#yandere dick grayson#yandere jason todd#yandere tim drake
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i love yous and what not
you tell james you love him for the first time
words: 940
genre: fluff
cw: kind of reserved!reader (?), james is an annoying sweetheart
a/n: didn't realise this is another confession blurb. ive been getting too many negative posts (fanwars and all) in my tl so i needed get my head clear. i need to start blocking people don't i.
.....
You were never a vocal person. To tell someone something vulnerable made you recoil into yourself. You liked seeing it through actions. James knew that. But James had always been an expressive person. He liked showing his love, and proclaiming it, and sharing it. Basically, any form of affection.Â
Your reluctance had never stopped him.Â
He had said âI love youâ a month into dating, you hadn't minded it. You already knew he did, and you felt the same. You had only kissed him later, but next morning, it was as if he could predict your words,
âYou really don't have to say it. I know you have a hard time with these things. I know how you feel, it's hard not to know. I feel all fuzzy inside when you smile at me" He had grinned down at you as you hid, your face half under the blanket but he knew you were smiling. He could see it in your eyes, and who wouldn't know, he did feel all fuzzy inside.Â
So you hadn't said it. At least not as a confession.Â
James is terrible company. Terrible because he rubs off on you. You were never someone to wake early in the morning, you still aren't. But your body seems to wake itself to bid him goodbye in the morning, âI'm only going to the gym" He'd say as he kisses your forehead, your body going back to sleep again.
And you had peppered in âlove you's in your texts, when bid him goodbye, in your notes, magnetic letters spelling out âLYâ under his growing collection of pictures etc. etc.
Today's different. He's still annoying with what feels like a weekly routine to cuddle you with cheesy romantic sentences, that you know he means -he knows they make you squeezy- but he says them anyway.Â
âThis isn't a joke my love, I really would let you stab me,â His arms squeezing your waist as you squirm in his lap, "I'd just be glad you'd be the one to do it."Â
You try to be annoyed, but laugh as you make more futile attempts to escape.Â
âI feel as if you were made for me. You know that one line," His eyes light up in excitement, your movements still as he concentrates, âI don't believe in God, but I truly believe God made you for me. It's from a book, I think."
âOh my god, James," You chuckle, your hands pushing on his bicep, but you really only feel them flex under your fingers.Â
âWhat do you want for lunch?" He asks, pressing one last kiss on your lips as he lifts you off of him and goes to get his phone.
âHe really needs to stop doing that to meâ, you mumble to yourself.Â
The next morning, you had woken up as you usually did on the time James left the house. But today he was staying in, you knew this after he proclaimed he's gonna be too tired after last night's activities. You had laughed him off, but you guess he was telling the truth.
You laugh, because he is fast asleep and his lips a little puckered, nose cold to touch. You adjusted his blanket before pressing a kiss to his nose. Then another -then another, deciding those would be the only way you'd warm up the cold.
James was half- awake, he knew you were there, but he didn't dare wake up, his sleepy mind scared that it might be a dream and you'd stop.
Your fingers traced over his eyes, his forehead, his chin, mindless activities to spend time, to rid your mind of the pestering feeling.
It had been present since yesterday, or last week, maybe a month, maybe more. You wanted to say it, but every moment felt too casual, or too formal, or maybe too inappropriate, or too serious. You didn't know what to do.Â
You didn't know how he'd react, if he'd resort to his teasing proclamations, or ignore it, or say it back. It was silly to worry about this, there's nothing to fear, it's James.Â
You didn't know what made you say it, maybe because he was sleeping, or well- pretending to sleep, or it was the quiet, maybe something else. There was nothing all too romantic about this moment, but you had said it anyway,
âI love you." A quiet whisper, not hesitant or unsure, just nervous. Your pinky finger runs along his nose, it's quite warm now, his whole face is, âI hope you already know that."
He half opens his eyes, just to see a glimpse of your face, it's zeroed in on a curl of his, falling to the side of his face.
 James had known you liked him before you knew. Your love isn't something non- detectable. It was out there, for everyone to see. Unintentionally or not. He had no doubts. He has a million questions if you're saying it because you feel obligated, or pressured or anything else, but he's afraid he might ruin the moment. So for now, He only pulls you impossibly close, his whole body thrumming with excitement, he'd freak out about this later on. Right now he only wants you.
His arms wrap around you, and buries his face into your neck, his warm breath on yours, âI love you, too. So,â- a kiss, âSo,â-another one, "much."
He nuzzles into you, and let him, of course you do, fingers brushing out his curls, he continues, âBut I think you already knew that."Â
#james potter x reader#james potter fluff#james potter x you#james potter x y/n#james potter imagine#james potter drabble#james potter fanfiction#james potter#marauders#the marauders#hp marauders
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headcanons of chris dating a lavish hyper feminine gf | ( fem!reader ) fluff + soft hours. established relationship headcanons wc 943 (library) + (request)
boyfriend!chris who loves that you have standards. as someone who grew up with a certain lifestyle, you made it clear to chris before you started dating him that you don't settle and have pretty high standards. expecting him to take a step back because most men do when they realize they can't afford you, he surprisingly doesn't. he just smiles with low eyes and says "i can handle whatever you throw at me, mama."
boyfriend!chris who reaches for his wallet without hesitation every single time. before you can even set all of your items on the counter, he's pulling out his wallet. when you go out to eat together, he pulls his wallet out as soon as the waiter mentions the check. it doesn't really matter where you are and what you're buying, he's gonna be the one to pay for it. doesn't even entertain the idea of you paying for something by yourself and will actually roll his eyes at you when you start to reach in your purse.
boyfriend!chris who pays for your mani pedi every time you go to the nail salon. all you have to do is offhandedly mention your acrylics growing out and he'll give you his card to go and get your nails done. every now and then when he has the free time, he'll go get it done with you. he usually finishes his treatment before you, so when he does he likes to just sit next to you and gossip with you and your nail tech. if you mention that you're hungry and the nail tech still has a long way to go with your nails, he'll pick up something to eat for the both of you and even the nail tech if they want anything. without thinking twice he'll feed you so you don't disrupt the nail tech while they're working. he'll get really shy whenever the other people in the salon point it out and coo over how doting he is.
boyfriend!chris who also chooses your nail design. he's consistently been choosing your nail color and design ever since you've gotten together and he takes the job very seriously. he'll genuinely get offended if you let someone else choose your nail design or if you get a touchup without letting him know. besides that, he loves to get matching designs, even if it's something as simple as having each other's initials on your ring fingers.
boyfriend!chris who loves to watch you get ready in the morning. if you ever have somewhere to be and he doesn't, he likes to follow you around like a baby duck and watch you pamper yourself. he'll hold your hair up for you while you search for a hair tie, he'll blow dry your hair for you, he'll choose your perfume, he'll even pick out your outfit if you let him. if he's not doing that, he'll just watch you do your makeup in fascination and whisper compliments, usually something along the lines of. "beautiful before and after." never fails to ask you for a kiss after you put on lipgloss, even though you'd think he'd hate the sticky feeling, he actually loves it and won't wipe it off even long after you're gone.
boyfriend!chris who keeps a compact mirror on him just in case you need it. when you're together, you try not to be on your phones as much, especially when you're out spending one on one time together so to avoid you looking at your phone he carries a small compact mirror around for whenever you feel the need to check your makeup. you could just carry it in your purse, but he prefers to do it. he says it'll be safer in his hands, especially since it's made out of glass but the real reason is that he likes you asking him for help.
boyfriend!chris who carries all of your bags. it could be groceries, shopping bags, or luggage, it doesn't matter. he'll always do the heavy lifting as well as the easy lifting. all you have to do is be pretty for him, he enjoys the view. if he sees you carrying something he'll take it from you without hesitation, especially if it looks heavy. most of the time he doesn't even realize he's doing it, he just feels the need to grab whatever you're holding. what if you chip a nail? he can't have that happen, you'd be so upset, and what kind of boyfriend would he be to not keep you happy?
boyfriend!chris who is always pleasantly surprised when you buy him stuff in return. he genuinely enjoys spoiling you, and the way you always show appreciation for him and the things he does for you always makes him feel fulfilled as your boyfriend. so, whenever you give him something back that's not affectionate doting, he's always pleasantly surprised and really appreciative.
boyfriend!chris who loves to kiss your attitude away. you've accumulated a bit of an attitude due to everything being handed to you, so whenever something doesn't go your way, you have no qualms about showing how annoyed you are about it. the platform uggs you wanted went out of stock? well, chris is right next to you to kiss the pout away and promise that he'll get them for you as soon as they're back in stock. your nails didn't turn out the way you wanted them to? no worries, chris will take you to get them redone tomorrow. he's always there to smother his pouty baby in kisses.
boyfriend!chris who is completely wrapped around your perfectly manicured finger.
' đđđđđđđ ' đĽĄ: @emely9274 @ginswife @chrisstvrns @conspiracy-ash @sturnina @lovetaylorrussellgrr @nervoussagittarius @sacaydia @chrissturnsss @hearts4werka @oliviagirlsworld @koilaniazul @starsforu @sturn777 @sturniolosiphone @chrisfavoritewhore
#chris sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#the sturniolo triplets#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#chris âsturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo imagine#chris sturniolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x you#christopher sturniolo imagines#christopher sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo headcanons
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Danny, mute by non-liminal standards, yelling at Damian in Ghost Speak: no, no murder!
Damian, thinking Danny must have defected from the LOA and be trying to help him not relapse: silence betrayer! (Moves to now kill Danny)
Danny, 10/10 done with this weird gas, manages to restrain Damian just barely and locks his grip in the middle of Damianâs forearms to prevent escape, dragging him to the ambulance: ⌠wait you can hear me? My parents canât unless they wear these earbuds they made! Are you (Ghost speak language Proper name) after an accident too?
Damian, still high on fear gas but aware Just Enough to tuck that info into his noggin: release me!
Danny: after the nice EMTs clear you, sure thing!
â
Meanwhile Bruce senses a disturbance in Gotham regarding one of his kids, sighs, and asks âwho did itâ in the family Group Chat.
No one fesses up to a recent disturbance but Jason is intent on being âthe one who did the thingâ
Duke feigns confusion like he hasnât done 20+ crazy things in the last week alone warranting that question.
Tim insists heâs only targeting people on the âallowed listâ so Bruce canât say shit.
Stephanie just send a pic of the biochem chapter sheâs on and says she doesnt have time for shenanigans RN
Cass sends a pic of Stephanie in the library with her, with Cass holding coffee.
Dick is ignoring them as heâs muted the chat.
Bruce asks where Dick and Damian are.
Cass sees the news and runs off to handle Scarecrow as she is the best fighter and closest to her suit.
Smashcut to Danny restraining Damian for an EMT and fear toxin anti-venom injection.
Jason rolls up with Tim and Bruce in hot pursuit to see a scrawny civilian using what all three clock as a dialect of LOA mission speak while restraining Damian successfully. All three are concerned.
Danny is relieved when its over, and uses his phone to tell then what happened, and asks who âTimâ is as âi heard him say he wanted to kill him. First time someone not using the earbuds my parents made to hear me could understand me, and its for murder :câ
Jason has decided to ask Danny where he learned those grips as âi teach self defense in Crime Alley and never say that beforeâ
âMom taught me, if you go for joint holds its not hard to get out if youâre willing to dislocate or break a few bones^^â
Tim is checking in on a less murdery Damian while Bruce is with the Paramedic keeping all of them in his line of sight.
Danny is now intent on asking Damian if its genetic, a âmeta thingâ he keeps hearing about or a skill that can be learned, as heâd like to know please and thank you!
Damian finding out Dannyâs family is fleeing a creepy billionaire who disabled Danny in pursuit of his mother? Well, Damian can observe and protect Danny should the need arise. But only at a distance (too naive/ignorant for Damian to deal with on a regular basis. Damian will answer school related questions as English is BS, and Danny clearly is struggling in reading analysis⌠and he isnt sure if itâs a new thing for Danny or not. Danny out-doing him in their science classes was unexpected, and a bit annoying. Realizing Danny was taught a mix of occult and science and can get exact measurements by eye, horrifying.)
Danny does decide to figure out how to make cures for each rogueâs preferred chemical warfare, and asks Damian if he has a clue how to get these verified as âshots arenât always an optionâ. (Blame the substitute teacher danny posts for that brainworm)
Damian makes a point of helping Danny if only to stop him from becoming Rogue-nip.
Danny befriending Killer Croc, Grundy and Poison Ivy did not help.
Danny has a problem.
It's been around two weeks after fighting vlad and removing his powers, the tension has been building between them for a long time.
First it was the crown, Danny had earned it after fighting Pariah but Vlad thinks that Danny isn't ruthless enough to rule saying that he's "too soft" and "too indecisive" to wear the (for all the title of Ghost King is worth) glorified funny hat. Then after a long time of arguing between them Vlad came up with a scheme. If he couldn't become the king he would become the regent, he just needed to possess Jack Fenton, have him divorce Vlad's "beloved" Madeline and then possess her into marrying him.
As you can guess this didn't work, Danny found him about two seconds after he tried to divorce Maddy cause he wasn't even trying to act (like a human sized Golden retriever) his dad. So he and mom beat the creepy incel out of his dad, in the process Danny was forced to transform and his parents accepted him (YAY!), he also got hit in the side of his head by Vlad, damaging his Broca's area just enough so he can only speak in Ghostspeak, but he can still understand human words and letters. After that mess they moved to Gotham so he could recover in a place with high ectoplasm without Vlad harassing them. ( Lady Gotham hates Vlad.)
Now you're probably wondering, "What's the problem, Vlad is out of the picture and your parents accept your half dead-ness."
The problem is that some guy dressed as a scarecrow released some weird gas into his school. He didn't get a lot of people cause the "Bats?" Showed up but his friend Damien got sprayed and ran off saying he was gonna kill his brother tim. So in Danny's infinite genius he ran off after him to make sure he doesn't hurt someone.
He's not sure why Damien speaks Ghostspeak though.
#dp x dc#danny is recovering#vlad is a creep#good parents jack and maddie fenton#danny's new to gotham#he didn't know why people keep talking about âbatsâ#damien gets sprayed with fear toxin#damien is a liminal
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goodnight song is what we thought it would be and more đ
even before this was fully released, we already had expectations and clowning related to it. and a line from this song was the first real clue we had that the rumored album was actually true. so cpn aside, this track will always be special. there is an official explanation to this song and everyone is free to keep it that way because itâs a perfectly good message that goes well with the entire album. however, as with all other kinds of art, it is up for interpretation. and whoâs to say there arenât alternative meanings. itâs not like he can publicly say that oh, this is about the loml. anyway, while i was reading through some reactions to it i found one that perfectly describes it:
There is not a word about love, but every sentence is filled with love. Every word in the lyrics is a clear love story that people who know can understand at a glance.
and thatâs the beauty of this song. it doesnât have love in big bold letters but to those of us who have paid attention for years, we can see it.
so what did we see? âŚ..
letâs look at the lyrics. đ
Using a bowl of noodles, a bowl of soup
To flush away this piece of sorrow that warms the heart
Thinking again of her, or of him
Just think of it as an after-meal refreshment
i was already freaking out with the first line! sure, you can say he is talking about a comfort food that makes him less lonely but then the next part goes that he is thinking of someone. who could it be? who was the someone who nagged him to eat noodles? not only that, the same person who always asked him to eat well? YIBO.
i think this is common knowledge by know. the infamous wonton noodles. even his solos cannot deny what they saw in the cql bts. even in lrlg, this is a usual scenario.
đ˘ "I'll cook noodles for you"
đ˘ âGet off the car and eat noodlesâ
đ˘ "Mom said, when you come back, let me cook noodles for you."
đ˘ "I'll cook noodles for you. Where can you eat your first meal if you're not at home?"
yibo making sure that xz is eating well and vice versa. as a cpf, this is one of those clues that made me side-eye their relationship. itâs not even the fact that wyb made sure he eats cause any friend can do that â but the lengths he would go to make sure xz did. it was different.
and now xz gave his answer of how he saw that. in this first line alone. it warmed his heart. it was and is an act of love in itâs most basic form đĽšđĽšđĽšđĽš
i also feel like this is a case of if you know, you know. if that first line didnât hit you in the head then no amount of explanation will.
Don't be too pessimistic; need to try to become habituated sooner or later
The one left behind has no choice but to bear it
A 'good night' left for my past
this to me is him having to get used to the distance from a lover because of his work. but they have no choice but to bear it and try to live through it by the good night from the last time they met/spoke.
How many people, must take how many corners
Before being able to find their other half
Don't retreat, seeing your single-mindedness
Is able to disperse my anxieties
xz acknowledges how hard it is to find your soulmate. your twin flame. and most likely, harder to keep it. but as explained here, that personâs single mindedness or maybe you can say that personâs devotion towards him is enough to soothe his anxieties.
when you hear single mindedness or maybe single minded focus, doesnât that remind you of yibo? and i love how cpfs went back on how persistent yibo was when it comes to xz (evidenced by mostly cql bts). some saw it as being a gremlin or him being a naive boy with a crush but clearly xz was comforted by it. most likely even now. as yibo said, what he decided when he was 21, he will continue on till 81. that level of commitment to xz is what he needs to drive away the anxieties.
Using a short phrase, a bowl of food
To take away the entire night's loneliness
Time to stop speaking, the sun's about to rise
Thank you for the warmth you gifted me
Thank you for the 'good night' you gifted me
there we go with the sunrise again đ and love and affection equated with warmth.
this is a really sweet way to describe love. itâs not about someone being with you at night but one who can take away the loneliness with just a good night. no kiss. no hugs. nothing barely physical mentioned. but something as simple as a good night. that at the end of a long exhausting day, or whatever happens, he has that someone who will wish him a good night.
iâm gonna cry đđđđđ
and oh someone pointed out that the lyrics, you can see Y & B. YIBO. what a coincidence!
-END.
P.S: feel free to interpret this song however you want. this post is not a space to argue about what other meaning it could have. if you want the official meaning, his team already released that. there is no point in debating or trying to convince me of whatever. this post is on the cpf side so if thatâs not you, why are you even reading this post lol.
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Chapter 29 - All My Bets On You
Series Masterlist
Author's Note: Think of reading things I write like a scavenger hunt where only I know what you're looking for. <3
Chapter Title from Nothing Matters by The Last Dinner Party.
Word Count: 26.8k
Chapter Summary/Warnings: You and Ben return home, and it's time to work. Usual warnings.
Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, canon divergence, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, fluff, angst, established relationship
Read on A03!
Chapter 28 - Chapter 30
Ben didnât like having to hide Her.
He didnât like keeping Her fucking secret. She shouldnât be secret. Ben should be able to hold Her high to the sun, so she can be in a warm, clear, unwavering light that didnât flicker or wash out a single feature of her perfect face. The lights of the airplane cabin and airport were too fucking blue, flickering and making everything have a sense of being artificial. None of this shit should be artificial, because this was the realest thing in Benâs life, and he wanted to tell the sky and stars and every space between about it.
Ben should be able to stand up and fucking roar that She wanted him. That they were going to get married, and there wasnât a single goddamn thing any pussy fucker could do about it, because Sheâd chosen him. She was wearing the ring Ben had bought her, and holding his hand, and sleeping against his chest. There was a little drool falling out of her perfect mouth and staining Benâs shirt, and her arms were wrapped around his torso, and her completely relaxed face was pressed into his body. Because Sheâd fucking chosen Ben. He kept her safe, and happy, and made her feel loved like she deserved to be, so Sheâd chosen Ben.
And he wanted to fucking scream that. That the most perfect, beautiful woman to ever grace this stupid fucking planet wanted him. That every fucking way, She wanted Ben. And now Her beauty was everyoneâs to see, but only Benâs to hold. To care for and adore. Only Ben got to see Her wild, glossy eyes and her parted, swollen lips when he fucked her. Only Ben got to touch the softest, most vulnerable and delicate pieces of her heart and mind, because she trusted him to tend to them and sooth them over. And only She got to see the parts of Ben nobody had been ever meant to witness. The storm that sheâd coaxed out of him, that would sweep over his body and make him momentarily so fucking weak, and that sheâd wait out with him until it passed. Sheâd let Ben rest his head near Her heartâwhere he could be a little more certain she was realâand sing to him until there wasnât a swell in his throat and the world wasnât blurred around him. Until he stopped making wrathful, pathetic fucking sounds he muffled in Her skin, and then could stay there a long while after.
Forever. She was going to be able to hold Ben like that for fucking ever. Sheâd have likely done that anywayâBen was never going to let that piece of Her, alive inside him, wither and crack and shatterâbut now heâd be able to walk into a stupid, disgusting gas station and know that everyone could see Sheâd chosen him. Ben could pick her a million flowers, plant Her a goddamn gardenâhave MM plant Her a garden, Ben didnât actually know how to do thatâand if people tried so say something he could shout that it was for his wife. He was allowed to do whatever the fuck he wanted for his wife. Whatever She asked of him, Ben would do.
Because Sheâd still give all Her beauty away to whoever asked for itâSheâd cut herself open and offer kindness to assholes who didnât deserve it and motherfucking pussies who wasted it, wasted Herâbut Ben would throw it right back into her. Heâd give Her all the good things he had to offer, because he still didnât really deserve her, but he did fucking love her, and Christ, he had to make that worth something. Make it worth what She was, which was everything. She was fucking perfect, and she was Benâs, just as he was Herâs. Ben had Her, heâd always have her, and he would never have to be alone and hated again, because Sheâd looked at him and decided that he was worth loving a little more than she loved everything else.
A lot more. Ben was pretty fucking certain She loved him a lot more than everything else. That when Sheâd cling to his arm like he might drift away, or kissing over his beard with soft lips and mumbled words of affection that made Benâs whole fucking body even more of a tool for her to use, it was because she loved him a lot more than anything else.
And now Ben had a hacked and carved out path ahead of them where he could keep loving Her until the world burned out. And everyone should fucking know. Everyone should understand that Ben loved Her, and She loved him, and that was that.
But he had to hide Her. Ben had to keep himself angled to block her from view, keep his own baseball cap tilted down to hide his face from view. To hide from every television in the Airport, all playing the same fucking lie, all with Sageâs eyes seeming to track them through the screens.Â
The news had broken while they were still in the air. They werenât even halfway over the Atlantic when She froze at Benâs side, and he started to feel cold and sick. Heâd turned to press for what the fuck was wrongâwhy her heart was set to a pace that kicked his own up and made blood pound in his earsâand sheâd passed him the phone without a word.
On the screen was a photo of Sage standing at a news podiumâher expression grim and dramatically painedâand a headline that made Benâs teeth almost crack.
Sister Sage Accuses the Anomaly of Treason.
The article itself was long and pointlessly detailed. Half of it was just a useless and incorrect timeline of everything about Her, and it took Ben almost two fucking minutes to find what Sage had actually goddamn said.Â
She was a terrorist. She had been behind the Believe Expo attack, and Tek Knight massacre, and deaths of Black Noir and A-Train. She was responsible for destruction of numerous propertiesâVought, Government, and private owned alikeâwas a Deep state leader, and had been the mastermind behind the assassinations of Victoria Neuman and Grace Mallory in order to clear the path to the White House. Sheâd been intending to help her stepfather, Secretary Todd MullerâSage had implied some truly fucking disgusting things about their relationship that made Ben see redâgain the VP slot, and Her next victim would likely have been President Robert Singer himself if Sage hadnât outsmarted her and blocked Her plan.
But now Secretary Muller was out of the runningâand under federal investigation for co-conspiracyâso Homelander was in contention for the position. And the only way to keep America safe was to appoint him to the White House, because She was evil and powerful, and wanted to take away American liberties.
Sage had apologized for keeping this information secret, but claimed that sheâd been trying to prevent public distress or panic. That Vought had been working on a private operation to apprehend Her and bring her to justice following her betrayal of America and Homelander, but had decided She was too dangerous to be allowed to roam freely and without fear of consequence.
Ben was mentioned. Sheâd run away with Soldier Boy, and turned Americaâs Son and former greatest patriot into a socialist with the same manipulation tactics sheâd used on Homelander. Gotten Soldier Boy to fall in love with her when Sheâd decided Homelander wasnât enough for her, and was now trying to use him to fuel her fascist overtaking of the government. Sheâd gotten Soldier Boy to kidnap Ryan, and he was willing to work with the very people whoâd betrayed him in the first place because Sheâd just sunken her claws that deep.
That last part wasnât entirely a fucking lie. Ben was working with Butcher and MM and Annie, but Christ, heâd accepted that was his life a long fucking time ago. They werenât going to put him back in the box, they didnât even really seem to hate him anymore, and Ben didnât really hate them anymore. They made Her happy, and that was what fucking mattered.
So She did, in a way, have Her claws in him. Ben would fucking burn the world for Herâheâd do anything for herâso he might have spared Sageâs words a moment of thought if they werenât fucking stupid. Of course Ben would do anything for Her. Sheâd do anything for Ben. It wasnât like sheâd just smiled at him once and heâd become a pathetic fucking lapdog.
Sheâd been something angry and wrapped in fire and smoke, all of it turning Her hollowed and scarred and broken inside, and Ben had been atomic and vigilant and wrapped in blood and wrath, serving him like a shield that kept every pussy whoâd try to use him out.
And Sheâd seen the rotten, furious and bitter parts of him, and not walked away. And Ben had touched Her fire and not flinched. Ben wasnât worried that heâd ever start to burn without Her there, because he was more fucking worried Sheâd try to burn without him.
Sage hadnât put that in her fucking speech. Sage hadnât mentioned that She was kind, and hilarious, and perfect. That She was self-sacrificial and intelligent, and didnât manipulate people because She loved people. Sage didnât mention that She hadnât stolen Ryan so much as offered the kid some fucking care and affection, or that She hadnât gotten Ben to fall in love with Her so much as existed near Ben, and been too fucking perfect to not fall in love with.
But Sage hadnât mention most of the truth. Truth didnât seem to be something Sage was at all fucking concerned with. Sage alleged that She demanded Homelander give her the V, and only grown more power-hungry after. Sage still didnât fucking admit that She was stronger than Homelanderâwho hadnât been seen since Bostonâonly saying that She was âdangerous, unstable, and if seen in public should not be approached.â
All of which meant Ben couldnât fucking tell everyone he was marrying Her. They were wanted terroristsâfucking againâso it wouldnât be the smartest move to tell everyone in this parking lot that Ben loved with Her and was going to make sure everyone knew that forever.
The team would hear about it, when they got home. Theyâd probably want to talk about the current, pressing disaster, but theyâd have to also hear about how She and Ben were getting married. It would take two goddamn seconds, and if Ben didnât tell someone by the end of the day, heâd explode.
Heâd grumbled that to Her in the car, somewhere on the tree-lined highway, and Sheâd giggled.
âYou know weâll still be engaged after we deal with this? Itâs not something thatâs going to expire.â
âWhen weâre finished with this,â Ben had grunted, squeezing Her thigh under his hand. âWeâre getting married. Immediately. And I donât want to deal with Hughieâs fucking bitching about not getting to be a bridesmaid with Annie on the day.â
âHuh,â Sheâd still been grinning, and titled her head in mock thought. âI thought you were going to take Annie. She looks good in a suit, and I think her best man speech would be really funny. But if youâd prefer Butcher-â
âButcher is not my best man.â Heâd muttered, shooting Her a glare. âIâll eat a fucking bomb first-â
âWell he has to go somewhere. My personal vote is flower girl, but I think heâd be a little bitch about it-â
Ben had snorted, and tried not to get too fucking lost in this. How She was talking about it like it was real, and theyâd actually have to figure out what to do about Butcher at their wedding, because they would. Ben got to live in a world where heâd have to have William fucking Butcher at his wedding, but heâd be getting married to Her, so it was still goddamn worth it.
And when they parked at Edgarâs farm, heâd kept his hold on Her firm, waiting for her to meet his eyes before he spoke.
âIâm going to tell them.â
She sighed. âI mean, Iâm not going to stop you, but I promise youâll still be able to do that when there isnât a possible government coup to prevent.â
âI donât care.â He grunted. âWeâre getting married, and they should fucking know that.â
âThey will know that, Ben, but itâs not the most pressing issue right now-â
âYes, it is.â Ben scowled, leaning down to hold Her gaze with his, trying to fucking show her how serious this was to him. âI love you, and Iâm going to make it everyoneâs problem, Sunshine. Right goddamn now.â
She flushed, mouth falling slightly open, and nodded. âOh. Okay.â
Ben hummed in triumph, pressing a small, soft kiss to her lips. âGood. Now letâs-â
He had to cut himself off with a groan, because Her hands shot into his hair as she began to try and climb onto him, deepening the kiss. Ben reacted immediatelyâgrabbing her waist and hauling her onto his lapâand let her grind onto him as he matching every roll of her hips with a grunt and thrust until they were dry humping like teenagers.
And he didnât fucking care. Every breathless sound and gasp of his name was more fucking proof that they belonged to each other. This could be sloppy and uncoordinated and made of pure fucking need and want, because it felt fucking good, and every touch of Her skinâin any fucking formâgot Ben high and fueled his love into a roar in his chest he never wanted to silence.
Then Ben heard something crunch on the grass outside, and pulled Her tight into his chest. Sat up with her caged safely in his arms, his body blocking fucking anything that might try to hurt them. Ben might not have a gun, but he had himself. He had this strange new feeling of fucking harmony is his body, where the nuke didnât feel like a parasite, and the drums didnât pound and invade his head, but it was just a hum and rush of power. White-hot, blinding fucking power that was hanging off his ribs and alight in his veins.
Sheâd been instant they should train more, back here in Maine. Where if Ben blew something up, it would just be a tree and not a fucking house or city. And he was ready to get started right fucking now, if whatever was coming dared to even look at Her wrong.
There was a rapping sound on the window, Benâs fury and instinct of care for Her. Protect Her and love Her and keep her safe prepared itself to shatter the glass and grab the threat by the throat, then immediately faded into the background as he saw Kimiko and Frenchie staring down at them. Kimiko waved and Frenchie tried to hide his rocket launcher behind his back, and Ben sighed.
Ben, who-
Kimiko and Frenchie.
She pushed off Benâs chest with a whack of his arm, and twisted in his hold to sign at Kimiko with an apologetic expression. Kimiko signed back, pausing halfway through a gesture with an open mouth, and began to sign in fast, frantic movements.
Ben heard Her heartbeat pick up as she and Kimono continued their silent conversationâFrenchie mostly just looking between them and Benâand frowned.
What the fuck is going on.
She didnât look away from Kimikoâs movements as She responded in Benâs head. Frenchie set some silent alarms around the property, we set one off and-
No, Ben grunted Her name in the silence, and Her flush deepened. Why the fuck does Kimiko look like sheâs just been hit by a damn car.
She might have seen the ring.
The smug, wide grin that crossed Benâs faceâborn from how fucking beautiful she was, and how stupidly goddamn alight his whole body wasâcouldâve powered a fucking country. It was all energy, all fucking love and visceral goddamn joy. It must have been contagious or something as well, because it made Her whole body relax in Benâs arms, even as her heart picked up and she made a small, airy, needy sound that only Ben got to hear.
He started to stand, keeping Her carefully against his body and pushing the door open slowly enough for Kimiko and Frenchie to step backward, Kimikoâs gestures coming to a halt and her attention turning to Ben.
âWhere the fuck is everyone else.â He grunted, stepping out onto the dirt road. âWeâve got news.â
She rolled Her eyes, Kimiko gave Ben an almost dry look, and Frenchie was very fucking obviously trying not to look at Her hand.
âAh, we are up there by quite a bit.â Frenchie pointed further down the road, frowning at the tree line. âIt is a little bit of a walk-â
âWeâve been sitting for like, fourteen hours,â She squirmed out of Benâs hold, but still pulled his arm over her shoulder, holding him against Her. âI could go for a walk.âÂ
âBien, and the car, Madame-â
âWeâve got bags in it,â She frowned at their stolen Honda, Her fingers tapping over Benâs. âAnd they have some, uh, important stuff. So we probably shouldnât just leave it-â
Kimikoâs hand shot up, and she made a quick gesture with a bright smile.
Frenchie shook his head, his voice tense and apologetic. âMon Coeur, you cannot drive-â
âItâs not like thereâs anyone else on the road.â She gave Kimiko grin and shrug, reaching into Benâs pocket to pull out the keys. âShe can go five miles per hour for all I care. As long as she doesnât drive into the river, sheâll be fine.â
Kimiko nodded eagerly, gave Frenchie a smug look, and moved into the driverâs seat.
âIâve got my fucking clothing in there-â
She cut Ben off with a wrinkle of her nose. âSo have I, Benjamin. Itâll be fine, and you can either be a baby about it here, or come with me and tell everyone that weâre engaged.â
Ben scowled down at Her, and all She did was smile up at him, making his mouth twitch and that radiant feeling grow nuclear in his chest. It was golden, and simple, and so raw and natural Ben couldnât remember what it was like to have it not living in his body. It was like a star that flared a little brighter under Her attention and love, and it was older and more powerful than any pussy fucking star could dream of.
âBrat,â he muttered, and even his voice sounded like it was crafted from pure goddamn adoration. Like Ben had taken every furious and rough part of himself and turned it into something better. Fury that wasnât born of hatred, but love and a resolve to keep that love. Of a jagged, stone-like feeling in his mouth and throat that had existed from the start, but had been eroded and found an exception. Ben was wrathful and immovable, but he couldnât be mad at Her. She giggled, leaning into his side, and Ben moved for Her. He took careful, measured steps that She could always keep up with, and never once let her think she needed to be anywhere but here. With Ben, going to tell their friends that they were going to get fucking married.
Ben had been ready for it to be the first words out of his mouth. To push open the screen door to Edgarâs rickety old farmhouse and yell weâre married, you asshole pussies, so come and tell Her youâre happy for herâThey werenât married yet, but that was just fucking semanticsâbut he hadnât accounted for Ryan. The kid was bouncing on the stone stairs, his whole face lighting up when She and Ben came into view, and running at a slightly alarming speed to greet them.
âYouâre back!â Ryan slammed into Her first, wrapping her in a hug that had to be a little fucking painful, but only made her smile and squeeze Ryan tighter.
This was very fucking dangerous to Ben. Watching Her smile at Ryanârunning her hands through the kidâs hair and hum a soft song that made the whole world seem like it was glowingâmade it feel like a real option to drop off the V, tell Butcher to get his shit together, grow some fucking balls, and kill Homelander himself so She, Ben, and Ryan could catch the next flight back to Rome. They could fix up the house more, Ryan could get first choice of a bedroom, and Ben could use retirement to fill up the rest of the house with happy kids that She could sing to.
But Butcher had also been trying to kill Homelander for more than a decade, and hadnât gotten goddamn close until She and Ben came along. Mostly Her, but Ben had gotten pretty fucking close himself. Butcher, really fucking annoyingly, needed them to help, and the pussy wouldnât even thank them, but Ben didnât need his thanks. He needed Butcher to do his goddamn job, so Benâs whole life could be watching Her and Ryan be happy, and giving them more reasons to be happy.
The rest of the team was starting to walk down the old road to join them, with varying levels of welcoming expressions on their faces. Ryan moved to hug Benâthe radiant feeling in Benâs body flashing and making his skin feel clean and his chest feel pridefulâas She moved a few steps forward to meet Annieâs hug, Hughie waiting sheepishly off to the side until She gestured for him to join them.
âHow was Rome? MM said the villa wasnât a trap, but was it, you know,â Annie pulled out of the hug with a tight expression. âLivable?â
âIt should have been. Stan kept all his properties in condition, even the oneâs he never visited.â
Ben head shot up at the even, cool voice of Victoria Neuman, and felt his arms tense around Ryan as he leaned forward in an attempt to get just a little fucking closer to Her. Neuman wasnât a real threat anymore, but he still didnât fucking trust her, and didnât want her anywhere goddamn near his family. Ben could certainly fucking feel the wired, taut feeling in Her body as she took Neuman in, and hear the stumble of Her heart in her chest.
âUm, hi.â She pried Herself away from Annie, taking a small step back. Closer to Ben. âWhat are you doing here?â
âThey did an evac operation.â Neuman shrugged. âWhile you were off in Rome getting engaged, we had to deal with the Mallory fallout. You guys never think about the wider consequences of all your various murders, so now everything is compromised, and the safe house isnât an exception.â
âMeant to tell you before you got back, but shit got-â MM cut his tired words off, turning to frown at Neuman. âWhat did you just say?â
âYou idiots donât have the foresight to be in the business of meddling with politics-â
âNah, Head-Popper.â Butcher snapped, eyes narrowed and back stiff. âI heard that shit too. The bloody fuckin hell did you say about Americaâs horniest twats.â
Neuman let out a long, labored sigh. âIâve told you not to call me head-popper, Butcher, itâs not even true anymore-â
âRight then, Vicky. The fuck you mean gettin engaged-â
âI mean that they got engaged. Does engaged have a different meaning in Britain that Iâm not aware of? I mean,â Neuman looked around the group with a surprised expression, attention landing on Her. âYouâre wearing a ring. You donât wear jewelry, and that looks expensive, but youâre wearing it anyway.â
It had been expensive. It had cost a small goddamn fortune, and while there was a flash of satisfied, bright pride that Neuman had noticed, Ben was also going to fucking kill her. Neuman was not meant to be the one that told everyone about this. It was either supposed to be Ben or Her, and because Ben knew his wifeâmore importantly, because he knew that the only place words seemed to ever fail Her was in relation to Benâit was supposed to be him. Now everyone fucking knew, and they were gaping like idiots, and Neuman was going to fucking die.
âI, um,â She took another step back as she spoke, directly blocking Benâs warpath and keeping Her attention on Neuman. âI donât wear jewelry because it will probably melt. And actually,â She looked to Frenchie, and Ben saw the flash of the metal as she pulled the ring off. âCan you work your magic and make this fireproof? I really donât want to lose it and we might have already had a,â She cleared her throat, and Ben smirked at her pretty flush. âClose call.â
Her voice had been soft, when Frenchie nodded Her heartbeat slowed, and it made something in Ben yield his wrath. He couldnât kill Neuman. He probably hadnât actually been going to kill Neumanâmauling or terrifying had still been on the tableâbut now She seemed mostly just happy, and thatâs all that Ben fucking wanted.Â
Annieâs eyes moved to the ringânow in Frenchieâs handsâand she nodded slowly. âWow. I mean congratulations, but also-â
âWow.â Hughie echoed, offering Her a close-lipped, anxious smile. âGood job? Is that something I should say good job to? I donât, uh, Iâm not really sure.â
âYou donât have to say anything,â She said, kicking Benâs shin as he opened his mouth to say it was a damn good job. Not the time, Benjamin.
They should be saying shit. Why the fuck do they all just look like dumb fucking pussies whoâve never heard of marriage before-
Theyâre probably just surprised-
Why the hell would they be surprised. Ben glared around the group, speaking with low, gruff words before She had a chance to stop him. âAre any of you fuckers surprised.â
A resounding, annoyed no echoed through the woods and fields around them, and Ben shot the back of Her head a smug grin that She must have felt, because he got flipped off a second later.
Not a word, Benjamin, unless you want to lose my favorite part of you.
Ben chuckled, his grin spreading. I fucking knew it was your favorite-
I was talking about your tongue, Pretty Boy. She took another backwards step, stopping at Ben side and looking up at him with a fake-sweet smile. What were you talking about?
Brat.
Cunt. Her gaze turned back to their friends, and there was a small, pretty frown tugging on her lips. âYou guys arenât surprised at all?â
âNah, Love,â Butcher shrugged, shooting Her a wink. âI was in the hotel room next to you twats in DC. Iâm mostly just fuckin shocked you came back from your sex vacation.â
âIt was not a sex vacation, Butcher-â
Frenchie nodded in agreement, cutting Her off with a bright tone. âOui, Madame, you do not need a vacation for sex. Sex can happen anywhere-â
âLike in my fucking gun range.â MM muttered, and Her face flushed.
âHow did you, um, how did you know about that?â
âI told him,â Hughie mumbled, scratching the back of his neck as he gave Her an apologetic look. âI mean, not that you had sex, but that you were in the gun range and being kind of weird.â
âWe were not being weird-â
MM scoffed. âI saw the security footage,â he said Her name with a pointed expression, She looked down at the floor, and Ben thought it looked a little like a father scolding his daughter for sneaking out of the house. âYou motherfuckers were being incredibly weird. I almost threw up before you even started blowing him, and I had to clean my eyes with goddamn bleach after. And I only saw the first three seconds.â
âThatâs,â She sighed, tapping her fingers against her palm. âFair. Sorry.â
âWell, letâs fuckin hope you got it all fucked and out of your bloody systems,â Butcherâs grin becomes a little colder, more set and tight on his face. âCause this place ainât soundproof, and if you wake me up with your disgustin fuckin sex, someoneâs gettin shot.â
âItâll probably be you, Butcher.â She said, voice dry and bored. âI donât think interrupting my husband while heâs balls deep in me is going to end well for anyone.â
Ben tried not to get lost in how fucking good everything felt. How the radiance in his body felt atomic, and might actually fucking be atomic. It felt in time with the nuke, like everything had a goddamn glow that Ben could reach out and grab and use to serve Her. Shield Her and fight for Her and bleed for Her. Protect his wife with, because at this point it was just a fucking formality that they werenât married. If She was going to call Ben her fucking husband, heâd call Her his wife and never goddamn apologize for it. Heâd fucking glow and burn and explode for Her, and then kiss her stupid and moaning after. Make her burst into flames below him and never flinch because the glow in him was for Her, and couldnât be deterred by stupid shit like fire-
âAre you,â Ryan was looking between Her and Ben with wide eyes, and Ben almost missed his quiet, nervous tone. âAre you already married?â
âNo, but husband is easier than fiancĂŠ.â She offered Ryan a smile, the kidâs whole expression relaxed, and Ben was going to fucking die. âDonât worry, Ry,â Her voice dropped to a mock whisper, and suddenly nobody else was in the world but Her, Ben, and Ryan. âBen isnât going to let it be a secret wedding. Expect something very stupid and dramatic.â
Shut the fuck up, Sunshine-
No. She stuck her tongue out at him, Ben felt fucking high on how beautiful She was in front of him, and how bright she was inside him, and if Annie hadnât started talking right then, he probably wouldâve started fucking Her on the grass.
âDo you have plans?â Annie looked between them, her voice a little fucking weak, but still genuine. âFor the wedding?â
âItâll be after all this,â She gave a vague gesture to the air, Her beautiful face falling slightly. âIs done. I donât want to get in the way of the mission-â
âAre we going to talk about the mission?â Neuman cut in with a dry, flat voice. âOr just keep standing here and talking about sex and weddings?â
MM let out a low, tired huff, and looked at Her with a weary expression. âNeumanâs right, weâll have time for all the damn marriage talk after. Right now, weâve got some heavy shit to go over. Letâs,â MM paused, looking around the sprawling farm grounds with a frown. âWhere the fuck is your stuff.â
She sighed, looking down the road with a hesitant expression. âIn the car, with Kimiko.â
âKimiko ainât able to drive, Love-â
âItâll be fine,â She dismissed Butcher with a wave of Her hand, but Ben could still sense the anxiety around Her throat, constricting over his own lungs. âI can talk without props. Ryan,â Her gaze turned down, growing warm and soft as she reached out, holding Ryanâs face with a gentle hand. âBen and I will find you after, but you canât be in the meeting with us.â
Ryanâs eyes fell to the ground as he nodded, and She sighed.
âWe trust you,â She whispered, offering Ryan a small smile. âBut this isnât something for you to worry about. If you have questions, Iâll answer them, but after. Okay?â
âOkay.â Ryan mumbled, glancing back to Benâhe gave a firm nod, that always seemed to help the kidâs anxietyâand sighed. âWe can talk after.â
âAfter.â She said, and that was the voice She used when she made promises she intended on keeping. âYou can ask whatever you want, and we have some stuff to give you-â
âSome stuff?â Ryan frowned, looking back to Ben with an uncertain gaze. âI donât need anything-â
âTheyâre gifts.â Ben grunted, the radiance in him growing at how fucking adoring Her smile was, and how open and bright Ryanâs eyes were. âGo with Frenchie, kid. Weâll find you when weâre done.â
Frenchie nodded at Benâs implied order, gesturing for Ryan to join him. As they both walked awayâFrenchie rambling to a wide-eyed Ryan about fireproof alloy infusionâBen wrapped his arm around Her waist and pulled her fully against him, kissing the top of her head as he glared around the group.
âAre we going to go the fuck inside, or just stand out here like idiots.â
Butcher snorted. âWe been waitin on you, Soldier Boy, and your fucking emotional shit-â
âInside.â MM cut Butcher off with a glare as Benâs eyes narrowed, his hand clenching over Her stomach. âLetâs not murder each other before we even get to Homelander.â
Ben could agree with that. He would kill Butcher laterâBen was allowed to be fucking careful and gentle with his family, and Butcher should be real fucking grateful he was even allowed to witness their goddamn happiness, the bitter fucking pussyâbut right now, killing Homelander was more important. Killing Homelander meant She and Ryan would be safe and She and Ben could get married without any fucking secrecy, so nothing was more important than killing Homelander.
Ben guided Her into Edgarâs rickety, piece of shit farmhouse, sitting tall at Her side around the well-worn, wooden table, and kept his hand on Her thigh as everyone settled down and the briefing began.
âThe villa wasnât lived in, and it didnât look touched,â She started, tapping her fingers on the table as she spoke. âBut it was clean. You said Edgar kept all his properties clean?â
Neuman nodded. âHe might have had a crew come in just to make sure it didnât fall to ruin.â
âThatâs what we saw. A lot of things looked like theyâd been dusted, but hadnât been moved in, well, my lifetime. Most of our lifetimes.â
âNot Soldier Boyâs,â Butcher muttered, and She shot him a glare.
âOr yours, dickfuck.â
âI ainât the one marryin you-â
âWatch it.â Ben hissed, and the radiant feeling becoming hot. Vigilant and loud, waiting for a reason to launch out of Ben with a boom and spread over the world.
MM sighed, running his hand over his face. âCan you motherfuckers try to keep it civil and not antagonize each other?â
She hummed in agreement, continuing before Butcher had a chance to make another jab or Ben could split Butcherâs head open on the table. âButcher, Iâm a big girl. Iâm well aware of the age thing, and itâs probably the least fucked up thing about our relationship. Also, I think itâs hot, so you can shove it up your ass.â
Ben smirked, sitting up a little straighter, and squeezed his hand against her. I fucking knew it-
I already admitted that, Pretty Boy. And Iâm mostly trying to shut Butcher up, so donât get too smug.
Ben didnât care what Sheâd been trying to do, because not only was everyoneâs reaction more than he couldâve hoped forâred faces, surprised coughs, and picked up heart ratesâbut her words set off sparks in his gut and made something bloom around his heart. It was his usual, completely fucking unbreakable and wrathfully attentive love for Her, but also a raw and strange glow that was getting harder and harder to ignore. It was hidden under the radiance, and Ben didnât want to glowâhe wasnât a pathetic fucking pussy who did things like glowingâbut it was almost painful to pretend he couldnât feel it at this point. That it wasnât created and fed by how She was just as biting and avenging when someone stood against Ben as he was for Her, and She was fucking marrying him, and She adored him, and nothing could take that away from him. No one would ever be able to call Ben worthless again, because Sheâd kill them. Just like heâd kill people who called Her weak.
She looked like she was about to start talking again, but the door banged open and everyone started in their seats, guns clicking and raising, bodies bracing to fight whoever the fuck had just interrupted their meeting-
âYou assholes are paranoid as shit, huh.â A-Train muttered, walking over to the table with a fearful Ashely a few paces behind him. âAnd thanks for telling us we were having a meeting.â
Annie scoffed at A-Trainâs obvious, dripping contempt, crossing her arms as he and Ashley sat down. âWe didnât know where you were, and this is time sensitive. We didnât have time to look.â
A-Train rolled his eyes, and Hughie cleared his throat with a shaky cough.
âWhere, uh,â he swallowed, words sounding forced out of his mouth. âWhere were you guys?â
âOn a walk.â
Hughie blinked at A-Trainâs flat answer. âOh. Why?â
âNone of your business, Hughie-â
âCan we please focus.â Neuman leaned back in her chair with a dramatic sigh, throwing her hands in the air. âWe can all do group therapy after Homelander is dead.â
A-Train didnât stop glaring at Hughie, but nobody pushed anything, so She took the cue to keep talking.
âRight, um,â She shook Her head, the tapping on the table picking up tempo. âThe villa was in good shape, and we found Dr. Voughtâs old study. Like I told MM, there was a large stash of compound V, which we brought about twenty vials of back-â
Hughie frowned. âHow did you get V through security-â
âWe didnât go through security.â She said, looking around the table with a vaguely bored expression. âI mean, there was no world where weâd get through legally, V or no V. Weâre walking weapons who donât have passports. Sneaking onto a plane isnât even in the top ten crimes weâve committed, I think it will be fine.â
âBut youâve got it?â Annie asked, leaning forward on the table. âYouâve got the V here?â
âItâs in our bags.â
âShit.â Annie turned to MM. âHas Frenchie told you when the drill will be ready?â
âWhat drill-â
âFrenchieâs been working on a needle drill or some shit,â MM told Her, and she nodded slowly. âGet the V into Homelander in one shot. He said a week, but I donât think weâve got a whole fucking week-â
âWe donât.â She muttered, and there was a faraway, set on Her face Ben recognized to be an idea. The final moment of Her clever fucking brain turning and clicking things into a pattern Ben never understood, butâusuallyâfucking worked in their favor. âIf Homelander really is being tapped by Singer for the VP spot, from congressional pressure or not, we canât wait for him to even get a confirmation hearing. But,â She swallowed, and whatever fucking insane thing she was planning settled in Her head, and all Ben could do was wait for Her to say it. âWe need that drill. All we have to do is delay Homelander, and buy Frenchie enough time to get it right.â
Ben knew where this was going. Her breathing was falling into a mechanical rhythm, and the tapping of her fingers had started to leave marks on the table as curling smoke rose from her hands, Ben knew where the fuck this was headed.
You donât fucking have to do that-
I do, my love. She gave him a small, sad smile, dropping Her searing hand over Benâs. It didnât fucking hurt at allâeven when it might have beforeâso when She realized what sheâd done and tried to pull away, Ben caught Her wrist with a scowl. Ben-
Doesnât hurt. He searched Her beautiful, impossibly perfect and exhausted face for whatever words he could use to talk Her out of this, and couldnât find a single goddamn one. Sunshine-
Iâll be okay. And itâs long overdue. She looked back to their slightly watching team, all wearing similar expression of blank confusion. âI need to come out of hiding. For good.â
There was a beat of silence as everyone stared at Her, and before they had a chance to erupt with stupid fucking opinions, She continued.
âI can do it here. We can find a blank, unidentifiable wall to film in front of, and Iâll say all of it. What Annie said, a little more, and whatâs happened since. It will be a clear, obvious accusation of assault, abuse, and torture, and it will at least slow everything down.â She took a long, deep breath, her voice dropping to a whisper only Ben could hear. âIt has to slow things down.â
MM was frowning, but he seemed mostly concerned. âItâs not a guarantee,â he muttered Her name, scanning over Her face with a firm, slow gaze. âAnd there will be a massive fallout. Fuck, Annie had a fallout, and that wasnât a formal story. And Sage literarily just said her shit, people might call bullshit just on that-â
âPeople were always going to call bullshit.â Everything in Herâin Benâfelt exhausted and sick. Twisting and rotting in Benâs chest as Her words became slightly choked and he had to just wait. He couldnât kick everyone out to hold Her and remind Her she was safe, he had to fucking wait. âThere was never a time or place I could say my piece, and have a perfect success rate. If there was, none of this would be a problem to begin with. And I can acknowledge Sage. I can admit that I am related to Muller, but also point out that he kicked me out and we hadnât spoken for thirteen years. I can talk about everything. I donât have careful moves to make like Sage does, I donât have anyone I need to lie about or steer public attention away from. But,â She paused, a flash of panic shooting through Benâs veins and up his spine as Her heartbeat sped up. âI want to get my siblings out. If Iâm saying everything, standing in direct opposition of Vought and Singer, theyâll need to hide. Fuck, they probably shouldâve already been hidden-â
âWe can take care of that.â MM cut off Her spiraling, and Ben shot him a curt, appreciative nod, pulling Her a little close against him and rubbing patterns on her leg as MM continued. âButcher and I got some contacts we trust with that shit, we can hide them. And Frenchie-â
âOui?â Frenchie pushed open the door like heâd been fucking summoned, Kimiko right behind him. âWhat about moi are we discussing?â
âFrenchie,â She said carefully, eyes narrowed. âWhereâs Ryan-â
âWith the little Neuman.â Frenchie reassured Her, Kimiko nodding behind him with a kind smile. âThey get on quite well, do not worry. What news have we missed?â
Butcher said to Her name, his smirk more tense than cruel. âFound a way to buy you time, Mate. Got the V, just need that fuckin drill.â
Frenchie gave Her a grateful nod before turning back to MM. âIs that all?â
âWeâre gonna need to get her family out first,â MM grunted, and Frenchie seemed to understand in an immediate fucking second.
âAh, operation Harrison Ford. Easy as a cakewalk, Madame,â Frenchie said Her name with a grin, and she blinked.
âWe have an operation Harrison Ford?â Hughie looked around the table with an almost indignant expression. âWhy didnât anyone tell me we had an operation Harrison Ford?â
âYou ainât ever been a fugitive, Mate. Didnât need it.â
Hughie gaped at Butcher. âI have definitely been a fugitive! Like, five fucking times! Iâm a fugitive right now!â
âItâs for when we havenât got anyone but each other.â MM explained, his tone slightly apologetic. âLast time we got people into hiding before we were wanted. Operation Harrison Ford is for when thereâs no CIA to fall back on.â
Hughie looked almost crestfallenâAnnie giving him a pat on the shoulder that was severely fucking undercut by her amused expressionâand She cleared Her throat, pushing on.
âDo I need to do anything for operation Harrison Ford?â
MM nodded. âGet them all together and pass them on to me. We want this done sooner rather than later, though, so if you can round them all up-â
âTheyâll be at my momâs.â She muttered. âItâs just past the 4th, they always stay with her in July. We can go tonight-â
âTomorrow.â Ben snapped, making his words stern and final, because She needed fucking rest. âWeâll go tomorrow.â
She sighed. Ben-
We promised Ryan, he grunted Her name between their heads, and Her tight expression faltered. Itâs less than 24 fucking hours, weâll be fine.
She nodded slowlyâfor once just letting Ben be rightâand returned Her attention to MM. âWeâll go tomorrow afternoon. Anything else we need to deal with?â
MM frowned, his voice slow. âMaybe. You told me there might be the V formula there as well, you manage to confirm it?â
âNo,â A brief glint of red appeared and dried on Her lips as she chewed them with her words. âBut it would explain what Sage is after. If all she knows is the Cornucopia as an idea, she wouldnât think it has multiple things. Sheâs after the formula.â
âWouldnât Sage know the formula?â Hughie asked, sounding doubtful his own question. âHer whole thing is smart, she could probably replicate it-â
Frenchie shook his head. âIt is not that simple, Petite Hughie. Compound V is remarkably complex. There is a reason it took Vought so long, with so much money and testing, to perfect. My attempt was weak itself, and I am still not sure what I did wrong.â
âWell, no offense Mate, but you ainât Sage-â
âNon, I am not.â Frenchie shrugged, seemingly unbothered by Butcherâs words. âBut Sage is lacking the unethical testing Vought was granted by the Holocaust. And his first batch was, ah, famously unstable.â He shot Her and Ben apologetic expressions, words slowing. âIt is not outside the realm of possibility that even Sage can be stumped. She may have hit a wall, or Vought may have done something odd enough to drive her cuckoo-â
âSage doesnât go cuckoo.â A-Train muttered. âSheâs a vindictive fucking robot-â
âIâve confused her.â Everyoneâs attention turned to Her, and Benâs could feel the sick feeling returning as she spoke. âShe doesnât follow things that arenât in logical line. She doesnât understand, um, love all that well, because itâs irrational.â
Butcher scoffed. âThatâs bloody sad for the ice bitch, whatâs that got to do with the fuckin V.â
âIâm not sure.â She sighed. âMy point is more if there are things Sage doesnât understand, things she canât predict, and itâs usually things related to emotions. So,â She paused, frowning into the air, and turned to Ashley. âWho made the V at Vought? Iâd imagine they had an NDA, but Sage and Homelander would be able to make them talk-â
âNobody knew the whole recipe.â Ashelyâs voice was unsteady, watching Her like the wrong word might end in blood. âWhen I got the CEO job they explained that it was manufactured in random patterns and parts, specifically so nobody could duplicate it. I think they even had fake factories and steps, just to throw people off.â
She nodded, fingers sitting suddenly as she turned to Frenchie. âI need the suppressant back. Soon.â
âOf course Madame, but I cannot recommend you, ah,â Frenchie glanced at Benâs violent glare. âContinue with it-â
âItâs still not for me.â She squeezed Benâs hand on Her leg in silent reassurance, and he felt his grip on her loosen. âTrust me. Please.â
Those words were mostly for Ben. They were Her asking him not to push back on her with this, pair with an implicit promise that she wouldnât hurt herself like that again. So Ben slightly pressed his knee against Hers, holding Frenchieâs anxious expression, and gave a curt nod.
Frenchie nodded slowly, looking back to Her. âOui. I will put it in the room.â
âThe room? What room-â
âWeâre stuck here indefinitely, Love.â Butcher drawled. âLucky us, Edgar was a rich prick with a huge fuckin house, but we still gotta fit thirteen cunts in five bedrooms. You twats are bunkin with Ryan and I.â
Ben scowled. âSleep on the fucking couch, you cockhead-â
âNah, Gov. But if I wake up to you two humpin near my virgin ears-â
âWeâre not going to hump in a shared space. With a child in the room.â She hissed at Butcher, and he shrugged.
âCaught you fuckin the bathroom before, shared bedroom ainât a stretch-â
âYes, it fucking is-â
âHey!â MM hit the table, and her mouth closed with one last glower at Butcher. âTime limit, motherfuckers. You,â MM grunted Her name, glaring between her and Ben. âAnd your asshole get the day, then weâre driving to go get your family tomorrow morning. Frenchie, work on the drill, and the rest of you.â MMâs jaw tensed, his face somehow growing more fucking grim. âGet ready to fight. Once weâve got it all out in the open, Homelanderâs not going to take it down easy. And if Sage is after the formula, we donât know why, and we certainly donât have a goddamn clue how sheâll retaliate. So look alive, weâre going to have some work to do.â
They did. In the fucking morningâand not a moment soonerâShe and Ben would have a lot of work to do. But until then they could spend the night however they fucking wanted.
âIf we do want to fuck,â Ben lowered down to whisper in Her ear, well aware he could just use their brain connection, but enjoying the slight shiver of her spine and flutter of her heart too much to bother. âIâm sure we could find a spot in all these damn trees to do it.â
âForests arenât for sex.â She muttered, giving him a flat glare, and he winked right back.
âIâd fuck you anywhere, beautiful. Iâd fuck you in a parking lot, or a shitfuck subway, or in the middle of a goddamn earthquake.â
She hummed, giving it fake thought with a tilt of her head. âI feel like the earthquake would actually help. With the tremors.â
Ben snorted. âHow about a dumpster.â
âThatâs disgusting, Benjamin.â
âAnd thatâs my damn point.â He kissed the top of Her head, smirking against her hair. âI love you enough to fuck you in a dumpster.â
âRomantic.â She guided them up the stairs, looking up and down the halls with a frown. âAs much as Iâd love to have forest sex, we do need to find Ryan-â
Ben noddedâheâd find a place for them to fuck later, when everyone else was distracted and Butcher couldnât be a massive fucking ass about Ben having sex with his goddamn wifeâand latched onto the distant sounds of everyoneâs moving about the house. It didnât take long to find Ryanâsâanother floor up and a little down the hallâand when Ben started to walk, She let him guide their path without a single step of hesitation. Just watching Ben with wide-eyes and clinging to his arm around Her shoulders, every feature on her perfect face relaxed and fucking adoring. Ben had a feeling they could be walking to goddamn hell and not just a bedroom, and sheâd still let him lead the way.
And he had to keep fucking earning that. It wasnât a task or trial that would ever be done, because Ben had created so many fucking messes that he could throw himself at her feet to be used as weapon and he still wouldnât have fully earned Her. Worse, She wouldnât accept that offer. Sheâd frown at him and ask what the fuck he was doing. Tell him that She didnât want him to be a weapon, just to be hers.
He already was. There was nothing fucking better than it, than being hers. All She asked of Ben was to stay and listen, and those were the easiest things to do in the goddamn universe. All She wanted from his wasnât glory or blood, but love and effort. Two things that should have been horrible and trying to give, but werenât. It wasnât work, to love Herâit was fucking natural and impossible to remember what anything had been before heâd loved herâand all his effort was poured into figuring out a way to fucking deserve this. Deserve the most beautiful, perfect woman being alive with him, choosing to be near him, choosing to love him, choosing to fucking marry him.
It could come in blood. There would be times where it needed to be blood on Benâs hands and skin under his nails, brutally clawing and beating and bruising to keep Her safe. But it would more likely be things like this. Like hugging Ryan when the kid jumped up to great themâit was also easy to hug Ryan, it made Benâs whole goddamn body feel prideful and his heart feel right in his chestâand meeting Her soft, happy gaze with a grin of his own. Listening to Her and Ryan talk about all the history shit in Rome as he sorted through their bagsâtrying to hide all Her soon to be destroyed lingerie from Ryan, and the semi all his ideas were giving him from both of themâand pulled out their gifts. Stuffed fucking animals, so simple and goddamn stupid, and entirely goddamn worth it from the surprised look of pure goddamn happiest on Ryanâs face as She passed him the lobster and lion. Happiness that somehow grew stronger when She made Ben show him the other lion and Her tiger. It leaked into the air of the room like helium, making everything higher and nothing in danger of coming down.
âDo you,â Ryan looked between them with a nervous expression, his words quiet and uncertain. âDo you think I could come visit you? When you go?â
She frozeâher face sad and gentle and soft, full of something that looked like grief and felt like a warm ache in Benâs bodyâand Ben answered for Her.
âWeâre not going, kid. And if we do, youâre coming with us.â
Ryanâs mouth parted, and he still looked so goddamn nervous. As if Ben would ever fucking lie to him. âI am?â
âIf you want.â She offered Ryan a sweet, loving smile, and Ben was in fucking danger again. âAnd if not, weâll stay here.â
âWith,â Ryan swallowed. âWith me?â
âWeâre not sticking around for fucking Butcher-â
She threw a pillow at Benâs head, her attention held on Ryan. âOf course with you. Weâre not leaving you.â
âWould I, um, why?â Ryan looked almost confused, like this was a trick. Like She and Ben were measuring his reaction, and this was some sort of fucking test. âYou donât have to, if you want to go to Rome, just for me-â
âWe donât have to. But we want to.â
âYou want to.â Ryan repeated Her words slowly, still looking fucking lost and nervous. âThatâs it?â
She looked over at Ben, and he nodded. He wasnât even really fucking certain what he was agreeing withâhe was too fucking lost in how beautiful She was and how good this was, how everything in him felt peaceful and content and nothing wanted to explode out of his chestâbut She was easy around his head and always fucking right, so Ben trusted her to say what he didnât have words for. That he wouldnât say properly, say in a way that really helped Ryan. Ben didnât know how to explain that this radiance in his body was about not feeling like he had to go. That it wantedâBen wantedâto stay right here, and keep watching the two people who were goddamn worth anything be happy. Wanted to keep them happy. Wanted to let their happiness crawl into him and keep making him a weak fucking pussy who had a stuffed lion because his wife insisted he should get it for their son.
So when She started talking again, Ben knew sheâd understand all that shit, and get Ryan to understand it as well.
âThatâs it.â She echoed without any caution or reservations in her voice. âYouâre a cool kid, Ry. I like you and so does Ben.â She dropped her voice to a mock whisper, leaning forward to Ryan like her words were a secret. âThe lobster was his idea, but donât tell him I told you.â She gave Ben a sharp, bright and sweet expression, and he rolled his eyes as her voice raised. âWeâre staying with you, because we want to, and we like being around you. Simple as that.â
âAround me?â Ryan stared down at the floor even as he leaned a little further forward. Closer to Her. âBut I mess up-â
âWe all fucking mess up, kid.â Ben grunted. âThereâs not a single damn person in this house that hasnât fucked something up. You never tried to hurt people, Homelander was just a weak fucking pussy who didnât know how to teach you shit.â
âBut I messed up in Boston too-â
âBoston as well,â She gave Ryan a gentle smile with the correction, and somehow it made him look more comfortable. Ben didnât get that, but it did. âAnd none of us were perfect that day. You wanted to help, and you couldnât have been expected to know Homelander would follow you. At least you didnât take a dangerous, volatile drug, unlike certain people.â
Ben got a pointed glare with no real anger behind it, and rolled his eyes. This wasnât a real argument, it was meant to distract Ryan, and Ben could play along easily.
âDonât act like I didnât save your fucking ass with that, Sunshine. And now Iâm fireproof, I should be getting twice the goddamn thanks.â
She gave him a teasing smile. âWhy is that, Pretty Boy?â
Ben opened his mouth to snap because now when I fuck you, I can get you to burst into flames and nobody gets hurt but the pussy fucking mattress, realized he couldnât say that in front of Ryan, and scowled. âShut the fuck up.â
âYouâre fireproof?â Ryan looked at Ben with fucking awe, and Ben felt his body grow a little easier to exisit in. âIs that your new power?â
Ben looked to Her for explanation, and she wrinkled Her nose at him.
Really, Ben-
Youâre the brains, he grinned, saying Her name between their heads. Use them.
Cunt. She turned to Ryan, her expression immediately becoming sweet and gentle as she met his curious gaze. âIt seems to be one of them. Or at least a higher resistance to the heat and flame. We mostly think itâs the nuke, in here,â She tapped Benâs chest. âFusing fully into his body.â
Ryan nodded slowly, looking over to Ben. âDoes it hurt?â
âNo.â Ben grunted. âTaking the V felt like shit, but I lived. Now it just feels normal.â
Heâd probably have to give more detailed answers to MM and Annie later, for stupid fucking team purposes, but that was enough for Ryan, whose expression became eager.
âAre we going to train together? Can I help you with practicing stuff? If you want help, obviously, I just think I could throw targets, and be a target-â
âIâm not making you a fucking target, Ryan.â Ben made his voice stern, because this was the same fucking nuke that wiped out V and Ryan shouldnât be anywhere goddamn near it. âBut weâll keep training.â
Any crestfallen defeat at the first half of Benâs words were wiped off Ryanâs face by the second half, and the kids face lit up again. âReally? Even after my dad is gone?â
âAs long as you fucking need and want it. Like she said, kid, weâre sticking around.â
Ryan got it. A small, nervous smile crossed his face, the conversation moved on, and Ben knew thatâeven if they were liars, which they werenâtâtheyâd keep this promise. Ryan would always have Her and Ben, and that wasnât any fucking labor either. None of the things Ben had to do for Her or Ryan ever felt like labor. Doing things for them didnât require thought or work, because it was simple and fucking right. Acts of retribution that were so small and fucking worthless alone, but build up and up and up until Ben was closer to their easy warmth. Never being afraid theyâd toss him out or sneer at his offerings, because they werenât like that. That was what the callous, greedy people Ben had surrounded himself with had done. Had never let it be enough, had made it obvious that acts of care were for the weak, and worth was won from spat words and traded blows.
But this worthâgood worth, that was glowing and alight and content along Benâs ribcageâwas born from these small acts of service. From going to the strange, odd dinner with the team and sitting with his hand on Her thigh and his food offered silently to Ryan when they didnât have enough for seconds. From playing the stupid fucking card game Hughie suggesting, and helping Her cheat because heâd help Her do anything. Taking Her and Ryanâs dishes to the sink and trying not to lose his fucking mind when She followed him without question, just to stay at his side.
Moving to the living room with most everyone elseâAshley and A-Train leaving to go do whatever the fuck they did, and Neuman muttering about getting a headache, but telling Zoe to just be in bed before midnightâand sitting in watchful, easy silence as She and Kimiko had a conversation made of giggles and smiles, and She moved herself into Benâs lap, holding his arm over her stomach and sighing happily when he kissed Her neck. Listening to Ryan and Zoe tell them about how Neuman had lined up their curriculums, and now Ryan could learn to play the piano.
âI played the piano,â Ben grunted, and was met with shocked gapes he did not fucking appreciate.
âYou did?â She leaned back on his chest, looking up at Ben with a sharp amusement dancing in Her pretty eyes . âDid you also play the trumpet?â
Ben rolled his eyes. âShut the fuck up-â
âMake me-â
Benâs own grin grew to something that felt a little feral, and Butcher scowled.
âDonât you fuckin dare make her, or you horny dumbasses are sleepin outside.â
She stuck Her tongue out, wiggling further into Benâs hold and not fucking helping him at all. âYouâre just bitter you canât play the piano, Butcher. You canât even keep a beat.â
âFuck off, Love, you ainât better than me-â
âOn this I am,â She shrugged, a smug smile on Her face that made Benâs own body start to flood with pride. âI canât play the piano, but I can sing.â
âSingin from the V donât count-â
âI could sing before the V, asshole.â
âYou can sing?â Ryanâs face was covered in wonder, and Ben understood that. His face whenever he looked at her likely looked wide and a fucking dumbstruck as well, but also probably a lot less innocent.
She nodded with a soft, slightly tense hum. âYeah. I donât a lot, because things will, um, happen. If I do.â
Ben didnât have to look around at the team to know that they were either flushed or grimacing at the memory of the illusion of Ben, dancing on the stage with Her in a way that friends or coworkers certainly werenât supposed to. Ben was fond of that memory, because it was the first time heâd been fucking certain that if he tore through the crowd, picked Her up, and slammed his mouth to Herâs in a brutal and demanding kiss, Sheâd match every single touch and moan until they were fucking on the floor of that stupid club. He could also get that their friends might not have the same almost liberating light painted across their thoughts of it, just because nobody ever seemed to appreciate that She was a lot more of a horny fucking brat than they gave her credit for. Any jabs at Benâs constant innuendos and hard-ons when She would so much as smiled at him would never really land the way anyone wanted them to, because She was worse.
Even right fucking now, as the conversation continued, She was squirming in Benâs lap. Her heartbeat had picked up as he kissed a gentle, careful pattern over her jaw and kneaded at the skin of Her thigh, and Ben got a weak slap on his knee as Ryan pressed on with his questions.
âLike what?âÂ
âIllusions, essentially.â She shrugged. âAs far as Iâve understood it, I can let off a pheromone that warps everyoneâs senses within its radius. It happens when I sing, and, um,â She flushed, fingers starting to tap on Benâs forearm. âGet excited.â
Fortunately for fucking everyone, Ryan didnât press about what excited meant. He just swallowed, watching Her with a hesitant, hopeful expression. âCould you sing for us? If you, um, if you want-â
âI could.â She looked around the room, her heart picking up to a nervous, stumbling pattern. âIf thatâs okay with everyone-â
âLong as nothing happens like last time,â MM mutters. âI donât give a shit.â
There was a low chorus of agreements, and she cleared Her throat, leaning further into Ben as she began.
It was a slow, sweet song that filled the room with golden light and an overwhelming smell of pine and vanilla and coffee. Her voice was just as beautiful as every other time Sheâd let Ben hear itâif anything it only grew stronger, steadier and more certain as she eased into the musicâand Ben didnât ever want to fucking leave this place. Didnât want to stop feeling the perfect warmth she was creating around and inside him, or move from this place where the world was made of illusions, but She was still fucking real. Where Ben could hear Her voice echo and fill the roomâsounding like everything good heâd ever knownâand feel Her heart fall into a controlled but natural pattern with every breath and note. Where he could bury his face in Her hair and still manage to smell flowers and smoke and apples.
They had to move eventually. When the song finished, Ben could grin at Her and bask in how her own, cautious smile grew full and toothy as everyone offered her the praise and admiration she goddamn deserved. But then he had to carry Her to bedâShe let him, resting her head on his shoulder and falling asleep before theyâd reached the top of the goddamn stairsâand spend a restless night carefully covering her body like a shield. Keep Her safe from the creaking of the summer breeze and buzz of the night, kissing her brow when she rolled to face him and carefully wrapping his arms around her to hold Her in the dark. Ben knew every threat to Her was nothing but eyes blinking open and lost sleep before a long day, but it still felt right to be here. To keep Her peaceful, relaxed and content body from Butcherâs view, even if the pussy didnât look at them as he shuffled into the room. To know that when She woke up, the first thing Sheâd know was that Ben was here, with Her.
At some point the sound of Her heart must have lulled Ben into rest, because when he dragged his eyes open after what felt like only a second there was cool, morning light past the blinds and climbing into the room, and She was watching him with an open, adoring expression.
Hi, Sunshine.
A small smile crept over Her face, and Her voice in Benâs head was so full of love it was going to goddamn knock him out. Hi, Benjamin, my love.
He leaned down to kiss to space between Her eyes, letting his lips linger against her skin. What time is it.
Early.
What time do we have to go.
I donât know. She chewed on Her lips, and Ben watched to run his tongue over them to soothe and slow her movements. MM didnât actually tell us, he just said âin the morningâ.
What the fuck are we supposed to do, then.
Can you hear him? Is he awake?Â
Ben paused, moving his attention to the sounds of the house. Slow heartbeats and low breathes, soft shifting sounds as people tossed and turned, and-
Someoneâs awake, he looked back to her, raising his brows. Donât know who.Â
She sighed, giving Ben almost a pout. We should probably get up, then.
Ben grunted an agreement, and neither of them moved. It was like that for a long while, Her and Ben the only two people in the universe, sitting in each other and not really caring to do much else. Only when Ben heard a second heartbeat pick up to a waking pace, closely followed by a second pair of footsteps beginning to move around the house, did he kiss Her on her brow and guide her out bed. They grabbed their clothing and moved to the bathroom, getting ready in silence and slow, deliberate movement so as to not wake Ryan or Butcher.
When they were dressed andâmostlyâawake, Ben reached out his hand and She took it with a smile. Kept it in hers down the stairs and into the paint-peeling, gas oven kitchen, smiling when Ben kissed Her knuckles before rising up to kiss his cheek.
MM re-entered the kitchen, seemed to immediately understand their silent ritual, and gave them both short nods. There were four thermoses on the counter that MM filled with coffeeâShe frowned at them, then at Ben, and all he could do was shrugâand Ben grabbed two for them each, following Her out to the driveway.
The likely owner of the fourth thermos was waiting for them next to Butcherâs car, greeting Her with a bright smile and wave, and Ben with a nod that didnât look like an effort.
She signed to Kimiko with a smile of her own, translating their conversation into Benâs head.
Kimikoâs coming for operation Harrison Ford, as MMâs muscle. Once we get my siblings on board you and I will have to come back here to get the ball rolling against Sage, and she and MM will go through with the operation.
Got it. Ben frowned. What the fuck is the operation.
She gestured to Kimiko, who gestured back with what seemed to be careful, thought-out movements, and She nodded.
She says itâs mostly just hiding them in a really complex way. Theyâre going to take one of my families cars, swap it halfway, take the bus, change directions in a stolen car, and get them to some people MM trusts. She sighed, leaning Her head onto Benâs arm. Overall, just get them somewhere safe so I can do my speech.
Ben grunted, looping his arm around Her waist to keep her steady. Iâm driving back.
The fuck you are-
Iâm driving. Ben smirked down at Her, tracing pattens on her hips. Or Iâm not talking to you the whole ride so you can goddamn focus and not get us into a fucking crash.
She snorted. Thatâs a worse threat than withholding sex, you talk more than I do.
Thatâs fucking bullshit-
To me. She corrected herself with smile, leaning back to bump her nose against his jaw. You always talk to me. You wouldnât last two hours without talking to me, or trying to get me to talk to you.
You willing to bet on that, Sunshine?
Feels like a pretty boring bet-
Whoever talks first gets head from the loser.
She gave him a flat look. Where. Because I am not fucking in the house-
Winner gets to choose where. He winked, kissing the corner of Her mouth. Get ready to give a blowjob in the forest, beautiful, Iâm going to knock this shit out of the fucking park.
Ben knew that would do it. Her eyes narrowed, determination flashedâwild and sharpâover her pretty face, and she was on board.
Rules. She scanned over Benâs face with an almost frightening focus, fingers tapping on his arm. Mission stuff doesnât count. If weâre in a group we can talk, but it has to be relevant. No inside jokes or innuendos, and no nicknames. Nothing we wouldnât say to each other as co-workers.
He nodded, dropping his mouth to Her neck. Touching?
She shrugged, even as her hand moved to grip at his bicep and Her voice in his head became breath. Long as you donât talk about it.
What about this. Ben pressed his brow to the side of Her head, and she smirked at him, her voice becoming mock innocence.
What about what? Is there a name for what youâre referring to, Benjamin?
He rolled his eyes. Shut the fuck up-
Thatâs the idea.
Brat.Â
Cunt. Say it.Â
Ben scowled, and grumbled the word between their heads, doing his best to make it sound painful. Benâoâphone.
She hummed, eyes dancing with a joy Ben could feel behind his eyes and along his spine. No talking on the Benâoâphone.
Any other shit?
Nope. Youâve got a deal, Pretty Boy. She twisted out of his hold, extending her hand for Ben to shake. Get ready to never speak to me again.
He laughed, because there wasnât a goddamn chance heâd let that happen. And Ben knew his wife. He knew that as stubborn as he was himself, She was worse, and was more than capable be a spiteful pain in his ass. If they got back to the farm from Boston and She still hadnât said a word, Ben knew heâd end it. There were damn well worse fates than eating out a perfect woman who he loved, and one of them was never hearing Her voice again.
But this made the four hours stuck in the car with MM and Kimiko a fuck ton more interesting. MM had given the mission orders before they took offâthis is a delicate motherfucking operation, so no murder, donât be idiots, and listen when I tell you shitâand Ben had felt Her start to tug away from him, making a play to grab shotgun and keep herself physically detached from Ben.
Physical shit was Benâs one fucking advantage. She could outwit and outlast Ben all she damn pleased, but Sheâd crumble if he touched her right. Turned Her into a soft, hazy-eyed mess in his arms, played with Her perfect fucking body until she caved and started begging him to just plain fuck Her.
So heâd kept Her body firm in his hold, and chuckled when she shoved his chest and stomped to the backseat as Kimiko dropped into shotgun. When Ben followed Herâscooting along the bench until their bodies were pressed togetherâshe plain refused to look at him, and he started to run his hand up and down Her thigh. Rubbing Her skin until her breathing became ragged, but neither of them caved.
Most of the car ride was like that. Ben teasing Her in silence, Her pretending he simply didnât fucking exist, and both of them pretending they werenât constant goddamn seconds from caving. Ben knew for a fact that every smile he caught on Her lips and every flutter of her heart sent him barreling closer to asking what the fuck she and Kimiko were talking about and why sheâd pointed at him. He wanted to know what the hell She was planning on telling her siblings, what She was planning on telling the fucking world, to drawl to Her about all the ways he wanted to fuck her with his new powers, because heâd been brainstorming, and he has some pretty goddamn amazing ideas.
And he was sure sheâd want to hear them. Given that he could almost fucking feel Her own will bending and dissolvingâwarm in his gut and soft in his head as he teased and squeezed Her skin, moved his hand to just rest at the apex of her thighsâand her heart had reached a rhythm he usually heard during sex, Ben would call it a safe fucking bet that she was just as close to giving in as he was.
But neither of them did. And when MM cleared his throat, theyâd made it three whole hours without saying a word.
MM grunted Her name, and she looked over to him with a frown.
âYeah?â
âI still had Violetâs number from March, and I gave her a call last night.â MM glanced up to Her in the rearview mirror. âGave her a quick brief, she sounded a little pissed you faked dead again, but understood. Sheâs bringing one of your brothers, but says the other one and your sister arenât in Boston with your mom.â
âWhere are we meeting them?â
âCoffee shop. Had croissants, and God knows I could use something like that right now.â
âDid she say which brother sheâs bringing?â
âGot a name, donât remember-â
âHenry or Sterling.â
MM paused. âSterling.â
âOkay.â She sighed, slumping down into Her seat, into Ben. âWhat did you tell her, exactly?â
âWe got you back around late May. Had you since, but couldnât let anyone outside of our immediate team and contacts know for security. Youâve made a complete physical recovery, and are mentally stable enough for fieldwork. Weâve seen Sageâs propaganda, none of it is true, and weâre making a play against her and Homelander soon, so weâre putting them in hiding until this is done.â
She nodded with a small frown and slow words. âWhat about, um,â Her eyes flicked to Benâjust enough to make him really fucking regret this bet, because she hadnât looked at him in hours and Christ, she was beautifulâand she swallowed. âBen and I? I know Sage has said some stuff-â
âViolet asked. I told her you were together but I didnât mention the engagement. That shitâs not my place.â
âAnd um, what did she say about that?â
Ben wanted to grab Her perfect face between his hands and tell her that there wasnât a goddamn chance this was going to be an issue. If Violet had some sort of fucking opinion about it, Ben would do everything in his power to prove that he was serious about this shit. About Her. There was nothing bitter in him about itâhe didnât deserve Her, and he knew that Violetâs acceptance of this probably meant something to Herâbut it still made Benâs whole body strain. Scratch and twist to give up on this stupid bet and just pull every part of Her back to the ground so he could take care of them. Take care of Her.
It was real fucking lucky MM answered Her quickly, or Ben wouldâve lost.
âShe just asked when it had been official, I said a few weeks after we got you back, and that was it.â
She blinked. âReally?â
âMentioned that she was surprised it wasnât before all the shit in April, but thatâs it.â
âSurprised-â
MM said Her name in a flat voice, eyes fixed on the road. âI still donât think you fucking idiots understand that you were the last people to know you were dating. Iâd bet Malloryâs agents knew before you did.â
âOh.â She flushed, her hand wandering to hold Benâs, and he wasnât even damn certain she knew she was moving it. âSorry.â
Benâs jaw clenched, and MM did his work for him.
âStupid thing to be sorry for. Weâre all adults, we knew how to handle your lovesick bullshit without killing you.â
âI donât,â She frowned, almost fucking pouting. âI donât think it was that bad.â
MM scoffed. âYou were oblivious. We had to pretend we couldnât see you eye fucking each other over dinner.â
âBut-â
âNo but,â MM shook his head, and Ben saw his frown flash in the mirror. âWhatâs important is that you did figure your shit out, and that no matter what the fuck Violet thinks now or thought before, sheâll come around on it.â He let out a labored, slow breath, his voice dropping to a hushed, pushed-through-teeth tone. âI did.â
Her mouth fell open a little, her hand squeezing tight over Benâs, and her words became soft as she whispered, âyou did? Really?â
âHeâs still a fucking dick man-baby, but his old ass heart seems to be beating. Youâre not a shell of a person with him,â MM muttered Her name, looking between Her and the road. âItâs good to see. Even when it makes me want to throw up, which is all the goddamn time.â
Her body relaxed with her pretty features, she made a small, happy noise of content, and Ben couldnât even be mad MM had called him a dick man-baby or old, because She was happy.
Ben tangled Her fingers between his, andâstill in complete silenceâshe fully curled into him as he kissed the top of Her head. Ben didnât bother with taunting, riling touched for the remainder of the car ride, because She looked so goddamn peaceful at his side and this silence didnât feel like part of their bet. It felt like sitting half inside of each other, easily and comfortably fused against each other without the need for a single other goddamn thing. It was one of the moments where Ben could really fucking feel Her within him out of just an instinct. Feel Herâjust so fucking clearly Herâinside his body. Alive and bright, lining Benâs skull and burrowed so deeply into his whole goddamn world that She flickered in perfect harmony with everything Ben could see or hear or touch. She hummed inside his blood when Ben trailed patterns on Her skin, settling over his bones when he dropped his head to rest against hers, and grew sharp and colorful behind his eyes when she looked up at him a soft smile.
It wasnât a smile that said anything expect I love you, but not in their old silent words. It told Ben She loved him because it made every piece of Her in his body sing. Ring like church bells announcing something that didnât need to be announced, reaching further and further into Benâs body that he didnât know where his own joy stopped and Her ownâbuilt of a million things jammed and melded together that reflected around Benâs mind like stained glassâbegan.
And Ben realized that She may feel him like this all the time. That there might never be a moment where Benâand however the fuck he felt to Herâwasnât tangible and natural in Her body.
He hoped She did. As almost fucking mind-numbingly consuming as She was inside of himâmaking it hard to concentrate on the trees blurring past into brick buildings and sidewalksâBen hoped She felt him all the goddamn time. It would mean that She really, fully understood that Ben started and stopped with Her. That there wasnât a single fucking moment where he wasnât tracking the sound of Her heartbeat, or studying her face to try and figure out her insane, maddening, perfect mind. That he was never angry he couldnât figure Her out, because it was simply another excuse to keep looking at Her beautiful face.
She knew that Ben loved Herâbecause apparently fucking everyone didâbut he still needed Her to know it more. To understand that when he moved to help Her out of the car it was because heâd dedicated himself to knowing how She moved and paced and shifted so as to best leave small offerings of actions and service for his worth.
That learning Her had been the only thing that had ever come easy. The only thing heâd ever learned and never wanted to stop learning. That Ben picked up every strange, seemingly useless piece of information and trivia that fell from Her pretty mouth and used them to keep building his alter to Her. A large, careful place to worship Her that kept this piece of Her inside him safe, made it feel loved.
And Ben really fucking hoped She could feel that, for Ben, she lived every reflection of sunlight on the puddles, gathered on the pavement near the gutter. That She felt how Ben looked at Herâtucked at his side and tapping on his armâand knew that his love could never be pried or ripped from him, because it was more important to keep than his own fucking hands.
His hands were already Herâs anyway. Brushing hair from Her face and lingering on her cheek. Holding Her own as they walked after MM, along the street to the coffee shop. Opening the door and guiding her inside. Ben needed Her to fucking feel that too.
Needed Her to feel how something in Ben grew wrathful and bloody when she froze at his side barely a step through the doorâHer face washing in fear and her nails digging into his skinâand how everything in him narrowed to Her. Whatâs making Her cave in with hollow eyes and shallow breaths, and what did he need to do for Her to smile again.
The area was mostly empty. A barista with some of the pinkest hair Ben had ever goddamn seen, an old woman with a dog that was too fucking tiny to be useful, and Violet, near the back with two other people Ben didnât recognize.
One had to be Her brother. Sitting next to Violet, with Violetâs softer features, a slightly different nose from them both, and Her sharp, infinitely amused eyes. They even widened the same way Herâs did, when she was in true, genuine shock, making their whole faces open and animated, lips parted with a gleam that said they didnât fully trust what they saw.
But Ben didnât have a fucking clue who the woman was. There was gray in Her hairâso probably fucking oldâand her back to the door was rigid and straight, giving off a feeling that she thought she was better. That whoever the fuck this lady was, she was above everything around her, above everyone. That even the damn chair wasnât worthy of her sitting on it. The whole fucking air of it reminded Ben of his father. Made him taste cocktails that were still sour because heâd been so young, and hear nothing but a ticking clock in a long, empty hall this father didnât care to grace with his presence.
The person Ben had ever met who deserved to look down at everything was Her, and She was never fucking like that. Ben had called Her art beforeâbeautiful in a way that extended beyond just what Ben could see, sinking into his skin and stirring his whole body with things only She knew how to pry outâbut art wasnât supposed to be touched. And Ben really fucking loved touching Her, the same way She loved touching everything. Settling in wherever she sat, tapping and running her hands over every surface available to Her, holding Ryan in Her arms and letting Ben hold Her in his. Letting Ben touch Her everywhere, and touching him right back. Fingers in his hair, and brows pressed together, a hand holding his arm over Her shoulderâs and legs tangled together under sheets.
Everything Ben had seen his father touch had been with movements of vague disgust, as if the lesser object or person would infect him. It was the same way this woman was keeping her fingers light and raised off the table, only moving in a rhythm Ben recognized. A rhythm that heâd learned to recognize anywhere, just one off-beat from the pattern being tapped on his hand on Her hips.
The woman turned in her chair as it clicked in Benâs head, and fucking hell, She looked just like her mother. It was the almost same face Ben loved and could look at for a million years without ever feeling the need to stray his gaze or move, but with something inverted. Something so imperceivable that was altered between them, that made Ben feel like there was bile filling up his lungs and something churning in his gut.
Because the longer Ben lookedâthe whole room heavy and wired, time seeming to slow as they all stared at each otherâthe more he realized there was nothing alike about them at all. It might be the same faceâa goddamn duplicate, everything from skin to eyes to lips to hair right where it was supposed to beâbut there was something fucking off about Her motherâs. It wasnât something obvious, like the fact that Herâs was trapped in youth and Her motherâs was lined with age. It was deeper. Something fundamental on Her that Ben adored and devoted himself to caring for, that was just wasnât fucking there on Her mother. Not missing, not a hole or hollow Her mother had never filled. Just not there, something wrong where it was supposed to be.
It lived in their eyes. Ben knew Her face better than heâd ever known fucking anything, and her eyes were sharp but filled with light. When She was being herself and not falling or breaking, there was always something magnetic in them that spread over her every other feature, and made Ben want to get as close to her as he possibly fucking could. Reach out to hold Her, to sit in any warmth and life she offered him, to just fucking love her and love her and hope that, though she shined on everything, in the end she was really just alight for Ben. That for all the love She held, her love for Ben was different, because the light in Her eyes burst and flared and turned to pure flame for him and only him. That sheâd never deprive the rest of the world of this kind beauty, but Sheâd also allow Ben to touch her and serve her, in a way no other pussy fucker got it.
Her mother shouldnât be touched or cared for. There wasnât anything in Her motherâs eyes that called Ben forward, because they were like a wasteland. They werenât sharp, but they were still cutting. Invasive and so fucking horrible to look into. And where She was something strange and sacred, Her mother felt like a statue. Something that had been designed to be elegant, to be perfect and idolized, but hadnât fucking earned it. It was only cold, too clean stone that had never crawled through mud or remained beautiful through trial and torture. Everything about Her mother seemed to demand everything bend for her will, but Ben had no fucking desire to do anything for this bitch.
The only goddamn thing sheâd get from Ben was hatred. Cold, furious loathing while every warm thing he had to offer was pushed into Her. His hand held Her steady, his whole body tensed and half-wrapped over Herâs, fucking ready for whatever the hell came next.
Theyâd all silently agreed not to make the first move. She seemed frozen in place, Ben wouldnât fucking leave Her side, and MM had muttered a low shit that told Ben heâd realized what was going on. Violet just looked sad and fucking guiltyâ eyes locked onto Herâs with shifting expressionâs Ben couldnât understandâand their brother looked just as frozen as She was, everyone seeming to just be fucking waiting for what Her mother would do.
Ben was only seconds from just fucking stomping over the roomâkeeping his body a pace before Herâsâand getting everything moving so this could be done, but then Her mother said Her name, and it was the worst way Ben had ever heard it. This had a scolding familiarity to it that felt practiced and deliberate. The Bitch said Her name like she was a fucking dog. Even fucking Homelander had mostly said it like She was a person. The wrong personâa hateful and fake idea of Her that held her face but nothing that made Her herâbut a person all the same. Her mother said Her name as if She was a doll, and worse, it fucking worked. She folded back into Ben, Her heart racing and her nails digging into his skin, and Ben had to just hold Her.
Until he got the clear to start breaking spines and shedding blood over the tiled floors, Ben had to just hold Her.
The Bitch said Her name again, and Ben was going to rip out the bitchâs tongue and feed it to her. âCome sit down. Iâm sure,â The Bitchâs gaze drifted to Ben, MM, and Kimiko, all silent and rigid behind Her. âWe have a lot to catch up on.â
Ben squeezed Her hand, and it seemed to spark her into action. She nodded and moved to the table, tugging Ben after Her.
What the fuck is your mother doing here. Ben muttered between their heads, and if She was surprised heâd made the connection himself, she didnât show it.
Violet says she got tricked. They said they were going out to get lunch, but Mom told them she wanted to come. They agreed with the plan to just drop her off and run, knowing sheâd be fine, but then when they all got out Mom moved to the driverâs seat and said she knew they were going to see me. They had to bring her, or they wouldnât get here themselves. No murder, let me do the talking.
Fine. Ben kept his eyes narrowed on the Bitch as they dropped at the table. But if she fucking tries anything-
Iâm serious, Ben. No murder-
They were snapped out of their silent words by the Bitch, clearing her throat as MM and Kimiko joined them.
âItâs good to see you. You look quite healthy for being dead.â
She shook Her head slowly, taking a long breath before speaking soft words that didnât sound right from her mouth. âWhat are you doing here, Mom? Why did you make Vi and Sterling bring you.â
âYouâre my daughter, of course I wanted to see you-â
âWe both know thatâs not true.â She muttered, her voice rising slightly. âPlease just tell me what Iâm supposed to do, so I can get it over with.â
âThereâs no need to be rude.â The Bitch sighed Her name like a wounded fucking animal. âWeâre in no rush, and you havenât even introduced us to your, ah, companions.â
âMM, Kimiko,â She pointed to them as she spokeâMM giving a cold, curt nod Ben appreciated, and Kimiko offering a nervous waveâbefore looking up at Ben with a slightly softer expression, made of something calm. âAnd Ben. Now can we-â
âBen.â The Bitch repeated, and Her heart picked up pace. âHow exactly did you meet Ben?â
âI kidnapped him. Mom, this is really important-â
âYou kidnapped him?â The Bitch laughed, like She was some sort of fucking child. âYou canât kidnap Soldier Boy, sweetie.â
âShe did,â Violet mumbled, still shooting them apologetic, anxious looks. âSheâs a supe now, Mom. Sheâs strong.â
âI am well aware of that, Violet, but all she can do is party tricks. That isnât enough to kidnap the worldâs strongest man-â
MM snorted at that. âItâs not just party tricks.â
âExcuse me-â
âSorry, maâam.â MM shrugged, not flinching under the Bitchâs glare. âBut Iâve seen her blow up buildings and make a whole building of agents collapse. Your daughter can do a hell of a lot more damage than party tricks. And sheâs certainly stronger than this asshole.â
The Bitch followed MMâs gesture to Ben, and made another disbelieving sound. âI know my daughter, and it is incredibly unlikely sheâd be stronger than Soldier Boy-â
âShe is.â Ben snapped, barely thinking about the words as they left his mouth. âSheâs stronger than fucking Homelander. So watch it.â
âWatch it.â The Bitch smiled, looking Ben up and down, and he didnât bother to hide the disgust on his face. âYou seem to be quite close with her, Ben-â
âDonât call him that.â She leaned forward over the table, Her voice finally regaining to hot venom Ben fucking loved, and knew to mean she wouldnât pull punches or dance around words. âDonât talk to him, Mom. Just tell me what the fuck you want.â
Something shifted in the Bitch, and any formal, fake fucking niceties vanished. âI am here for answers. I am here for the reason you have put your father and I-â
âHeâs not my father-â
âHe is your family. And you have put him, put us, through hell these last few months. Media harassment, airing out all our misunderstandings like dirty laundry, painting yourself to be a victim when all you have done is behave like a child. Youâve hurt us,â The Bitch said Her name mock, cold disappointment. âYouâve been incredibly selfish, and I want to know why youâre now trying to take my children away from me.â
She gaped slightly, shaking her head. âIâm not trying to take anything from you, theyâre in real danger-â
âDanger you created. There would be nothing to worry about if you could just bite your tongue and keep a good, strong head on your shoulders. But no, you have to turn this into some sort of spectacle-â
âI didnât fucking do anything-â
âYou most certainly did.â The Bitch sneered. âJust in the past month youâve peddled manipulative lies, murdered that poor woman in cold blood, embarrassed Todd at work, and threatened him with, your loyal little guard dog. Youâve ruined everything, and have seen yourself fit to drag this strong, powerful man down your level. If you had just listened to me, none of this wouldâve happened you know. Youâd be taken care of, even if you were still just a weak little girl-â
The wooden table splintered as Ben hit it, shutting the Bitch up with a bloodless face.
âLast fucking warning,â he hissed, leaning forward so the Bitch could hopefully fucking feel the wrath and hate starting to bang around Benâs chest in an even rhythm, trying to get out and protect Her. âI couldnât give a goddamn fly pigâs ballsack that youâre her mother, if you say another word about my wife, Iâll fucking kill you.â
There was a long moment of silence, and Ben only realized his exact words after heâd said them. When MM muttered fuck, and She stared at him a wide, half adoring and amused, half pissed off expression.
Wife?
What.
Donât play dumb, Pretty Boy, youâre bad at it-
Iâm not going to fucking take it back-
Iâm not going to tell you to take it back, but now I have to answer questions-
Almost on perfect fucking cue, Violet coughed.
âAre you, um, did you get married-â
âNo. But someone,â She shot Ben a pointed glare, and he winked back. âIs a huge fucking dumb dumb with a big mouth.â
A big mouth you love-
A big mouth thatâs going to get punched later-
âSo youâre,â Sterling finally fucking spoke, and his voice sounded more like Herâs than Violetâs. With an accent that wasnât placeable, but just them. Impossibly distinct, with every goddamn word they said sounding smart. âYouâre not married to Soldier Boy.â
âYet.â Ben grunted, and the looks on Her familyâs faces were more than worth the heated slap to his leg.
âWhat exactly,â the Bitch said, her voice weighted and low. âDo you mean by yet.â
She gave Ben one last daggered glare before meeting the Bitchâs eyes, Her perfect face turning into something almost fucking prideful. âHe means weâre engaged.â
Something flashed across the Bitchâs face that Ben didnât understand. âTo be wed.â
âThatâs what engaged usually does mean, Mom-â
âHell.â The Bitch shook her head, but she didnât sound or look angry. She mostly just seemed inconvenienced. âI knew I shouldnât have listened to that woman.â
She, MM, Ben, and Kimiko exchanged similar what the fuck is she talking about looks, and Her words were careful and slow.
âWhat woman.â
âThat haughty, annoying one with Vought. Sister Sage.â The Bitch waved her hand, frowning into the air. âI didnât think youâd manage to surprise me and pull this off yourself, but you did, and if I wasnât going to give her a piece of my mind before-â
âMom,â She said, leaning across the table with a sharp, silent wrath in her eyes. âWhat the fuck did you do.â
âItâs what she did, dear. Breaching on our deal, turning against me just because of Homelander gaining what she called sense, but I call temporary cold feet-â
âDeal?â There wasnât anything fucking hollow or nervous in Her voice. It was urgent, dangerous, and would be fucking hot if Ben wasnât putting together all the pieces to reach a conclusion She already seemed to have. âWhat deal did you make with Sage.â
âWell, thereâs no need to take that tone. And I didnât think youâd be able to do this yourself-â
âMom-â
âAnd it was a deal. We made a promise, a commitment, and thereâs never a valid reason to go back on that. And especially not to throw us under the bus for their mistakes-â
âMaâam.â MM jumped in, his face holding an equal anger Ben could feel in his body. âIt is incredibly important you tell us exactly what Sage promised you, and what you promised her.â
The Bitch rolled her eyes, but huffed, âIt was a handshake deal. Iâd use Todd to make sure she got what she needed from the defense department and government, provide some chemicals she said were annoying to make or whatever, and sheâd ensure your marriage to Homelander, which is all Iâve ever wanted for you! Thereâs no higher status than Homelanderâs wife, but then they backed out, and Todd lost the VP slot! I never wouldnât made it if Iâd known sheâd betray us like that, if Iâd known your relationship with Solider Boy was real!â
Benâs vision was lined with red, and he might break his own fists. That golden feeling over his ribsâatomic and wrathful and dedicated to fucking protecting Her all the goddamn timeâwas beating against him, trying to burst out and reduce the Bitch to just a fucking imprint on the wall.
But Her hand squeezed on Benâs knee, and Her voice in his head was cold and steady Iâve got this. No murder.Â
Ben grunted an affirmationânot caring if it was aloud or between their headsâand She took a labored breath Ben could feel the fury of before speaking.
âAre you insane.â She hissed. âYou sold your soul to the fucking devil, and all you can think is that, if youâd known I was going to get married anyway, you might not have?â
The Bitchâs eyes narrowed. âI was doing whatâs best for you. Even when youâve been cruel to me, Iâve only wanted whatâs best for you-â
âAnd you think thatâs whatâs best for me is marrying the man who kidnapped, raped, and experimented on me? And selling out the whole fucking country in the process?â
âDonât be dramatic-âÂ
âI am not being fucking dramatic. Because of what you did, stopping us from getting the federal supply of V, we had to get creative. Getting creative killed Grace Mallory, which lost Todd the VP slot, and now Singer might give it to fucking Homelander. Who is, in case weâre not clear, a fucking monster.â
âPlease,â the Bitch gave Her a pointed look, and Ben wondered why he hadnât already pulled out her tongue. âItâs not like Soldier Boy is an angel either, Iâve read the official Starlight reports-âÂ
âDo not speak about him like that.â She leaned forward, her words almost spitting out of her mouth. âHe makes me happy. He loves me, and takes good care of me, and doesnât fucking try to lock me up and control me. He likes my temperament, he thinks itâs hot because heâs fucking insane, and I love him, and after I kill Homelander Iâm going to marry him, and youâre never going to be part of our lives. Youâre going to go with Violet and Sterling, and let MM hide you so the very people you sold your fucking daughter to donât kill you, and then Iâm never going to see your fucking face again. Violet-â
âWeâll go with him,â Violet said quickly, glancing at the Bitchâwho looked like a gaping and cruel idiotâbefore looking back to Her. âBut Mom-â
âShe agrees to go with you, or she sticks around and dies.â She stood up, and Ben followed without a fucking thought as she continued, looking between her siblings. âI love you, and youâre going to be okay. I promise youâre going to be okay. Iâm so, so sorry-â
Her voice cracked slightly, and Violet shot up, rounding the table and pulling Her into a tight hug. Sterling was close behind, and Ben kept a close fucking eye on the Bitch, in case she tried to interrupt this. But she just looked at her children, still in shock, and they pulled apart on their own time.
âYouâll be safe,â She whispered again, and when she took a shaking step back, Ben caught her and held her up. âI swear youâll be safe. And when this is over, Iâll explain everything. But right now-â
âYou have to go,â Sterling nodded, and he didnât sound angry. âViolet told me what she knows, and we get it. You have to go.â
She nodded, giving them a soft, sad smile, and let Ben guide Her onto the street. MM and Kimiko didnât need goodbyesâtheyâd see them again by fucking tomorrow anywayâand the Bitch looked like she wanted to say something, but was smart enough not to.
The Bitch should count herself lucky, that Ben cared about how he was beginning to feel sick and empty and coldâwhich meant that She was in pain, and needed himâa fuck ton more than he cared about wasting time on vengeance.
Right now, nothing mattered more than Her. Then getting Her into the car, and far, far away from what Ben couldnât even fully fucking comprehend. Keeping his hand against Her thigh, trying to tide over the cracks he could feel beginning to lines his vision and the horrible sense of dread and wrong living in his blood.
Then, when She made a small, choked sound, pulling Butcherâs car off the highway and helping her climb into his lap. Letting Her bury her head in his chest and shatter there, where sheâd be safe. Where Ben could hold Her in silence as she fell apart, then do whatever needed to be done for this to become fucking bearable.
Ben, I- Her words were almost fucking inaudible between their minds, Her gasps and strangled tears muffled against Benâs body. I donât know what to do. What do I do.Â
He didnât know. Ben didnât have a goddamn clue what to do with what theyâd just learned. But heâd be damned if he just let Her break further than she needed to.Â
Whatever you have to. Tell Butcher, include it in your address, keep it a secret for the rest of goddamn time. Whatever makes this shit livable.
She sold me, Her sob wracked her whole body, and Ben almost broke his fucking teeth. She fucking sold me to Homelander, and Iâm not even sure when she did it. It couldâve been months ago. It couldâve been when I first resurfaced, or right before the tower, or when I first fucking met Sage-
I know. Ben grunted in the silence, drawing circles on Her back. I know, Sunshine. I know.
She nodded against him, and Her breathing, slowly, began to ease. Her heartbeat became what it was supposed to be, and they stayed there until this she let out a soft, breathy laugh, turning the fabric of Benâs shirt between her fingers.
âIâm not,â She shook Her head in Benâs chest. âIâm not sure who lost. The bet.â
He let out a dry chuckle. âWe could call it even and just fucking start over-â
âNo.â Her answer was frantic but hushed, her face shooting up to look at Ben with wide eyes. âI donât want to not talk to you. Not now. Please.â
He nodded, leaning down to kiss the space between Her eyes. âOkay, Sunshine. Itâs off.â
She hummed, her hands moving to hold Benâs face. âI could, maybe I could still give you a blowjob?â
âDo you want to give me a fucking blowjob?â
âUm.â She swallowed, flushing slightly. âYes.â
âDo I get to eat you out?â
âYes, please.â
Ben snorted, muttering an agreement, and he still wasnât fucking sure how heâd gotten here. Having to pull his perfect fucking wife off his lapâbut keeping their hands tangled together and resting on his thighâso he could drive her home. Bring Her somewhere safer than here, so he could hold her right and clear her head while he still had the time. Whisper promises in Her ear that heâd die to keep, about how heâd give her better than that. About how, whatever came after, Ben would keep holding her and loving her, in a way that felt almost fucking pure.
Twisted and scarred and forged somewhere dark and burning, but still pure. Incapable of ruin, incapable of being tainted or broken, just fucking love. Just a future that was brighter than what was behind them, and a life where Sheâd always feel safe enough to break, and always be able to get back up after.
A future Ben really damn wanted, where Her and Ryanâs smiles were never in danger of being wiped from their faces.
Where Ben just kept loving them, and they felt it, and that was the whole fucking world.
âââââââââ
Thereâs only one light, flashing from Hughieâs hand as he begins the recording, but itâs still blinding and cold.
You take five deep breaths, one for every good thing that you want to do this for. Everything you want to hold onto when after comes.
Ryan. Music. Stuffed Lions. Gardens. Ben.
Hughie gives you a thumbs upâa signal to beginâand you look to Ben. A step behind Hughie, watching you carefully with a grim, set expression. Everything between your bodies is straining to make you stand and move to fall against him, but you have to do this alone. Not fully alone, never fully alone again, but standing alone. With Ben inside youârolling around the top of your chest and rumbling in a rhythm that feels like your nameâbut still too far to touch. To seek the comfort of him warmth and solid certainty.
But you can still feel his love and devotion. Youâre wearing the ring againâtwisting it on your finger as you take one last, long, steadying breathâand itâs just another way in millions to know Ben is her, and loves you, and will burn with you. No matter how this goes, Ben will burn with you.
So you can fucking do this. You have the slightly crumpled paper in your hands with everything you need to say, and now all you have to do is talk.
You start with your name, just for clarity and the fuck of it, and begin. âYou know me as the Anomaly. And I am, but not by choice. I am the Anomaly because Homelander decided I should be. Because, four years ago, he kidnapped me, faked my death, and held me hostage on, likely, Vought property. I spent first two years in complete isolation, only seeing Homelander when he visited me to rape me.â Something starts to taste vile in the back of your mouth, but you have to keep talking. If you stop now, you wonât get through this, and youâve barely even started. âI was kept locked up for the intention of breeding, like fucking cattle. Then, after Soldier Boy returned to America, Homelander became obsessed with immortality and I was moved to a Vought lab, and experimented on by Vought scientists in order to recreate the original formula of compound V, which slowed the aging process.
âIt was a successful experiment. I was given my super name, the Anomaly, because I was injected with V four times, and developed four completely isolated powers. The pyrokenesis I am known for, which I used to escape captivity, a healing factor that has made me unkillable, empathy, and sensory manipulation. I am stronger than Solider Boy. I am stronger than Homelander. For the past year since my escape, I have been fighting Vought alongside Starlight and William Butcher, but have not stood in direct opposition to Homelander due to the former volatility of my powers. I was afraid of the man who spent four years sexually, emotionally, and medically abusing me. I am not afraid anymore, and I am ready to corroborate every accusation Starlight has made against Homelander, Sage, and Vought, and talk. These are my words. I wrote them, I am saying them, and nobody is making me. So, please, listen.
âI have been working with Butcher, Starlight, and their former CIA funded team, the Boys, since June of last year. In November, after we failed to locate a possible bio-weapon against Homelander, I pitched to then President elect Robert Singer and former Deputy Director of the CIA, Grace Mallory, that Soldier Boy be woken up and used as a weapon. My plan was approved, and he was woken up in early December. Per the plan, was to I live with him in a CIA safe-house and keep him in line until Ryan Butcher was removed from Vought Tower and we had a direct, clean shot at Homelander. Soldier Boy would remove his powers with the V-wiping bomb in his chest, and then be pardoned and sent off American soil to live in exile. Nothing wentâŚâ you trail off, glancing at the continually formal speech in your hands, and give up on it. It matters that this sounds real, and none of these words sound real.
Ben is real. Youâre real. This pain is real, and so is your love.Â
So you crumple the paper up, and look back directly into the camera.
âNothing went as we intended it to. I fell in love with Soldier Boy. He fell in love with me. My original plan to extract Ryan Butcher went to shit, and I had to make another. That one worked, but I ended up back in Homelanderâs captivity. My team found a way to safely kill Homleander, but Sage destroyed it all at the Believe Expo, which, for the record, was not a terrorist attack. It might have technically been a robbery, but it became a play to fake A-Trainâs death, and help him escape. I remained with Vought to find an alternative location of our weapon, but failed to, and escaped. Once I was safe, I didnât want to be in the public eye. I was broken, and weak, and too fucking tired to face this myself. I helped Starlight plan and write her address in June, and it was my idea to remain away from the public eye.
But more things kept going wrong. When we found another avenue to get our hands on the weapon, we were blocked by Singer and Secretary Muller, who, As Sage has said, is my step-father. I had not spoken to him in thirteen fucking years, and he has been in direct collaboration with Sage. She has tried to paint him as a villain, and he is a terrible man, but heâs also an idiot. I would never want him in a position as powerful as Vice President of the United States, and neither would Sage, which is why she has turned on him and paved the way for Homelander to take federal office.
âHomelander cannot be allowed to take federal office. He cannot be allowed within a hundred fucking miles of the White House. He is a monster. Since both my and Ryan Butcherâs escapes, he has not stopped trying to take us back, and has been willing to kill everyone we care about to do it. And I have not been fucking innocent in this. I destroyed the rec center at Victoria Neumanâs rally. I killed Firecracker. I did not commit the Tek Night massacre in New Jersey, and I did not kill Black Noir or Grace Mallory, but I was in immediate proximity to both events. Because of Homelander. Because I have been trying to save people from him, but I have cared, and he has not. He wants to control me, control you, and kill everyone who stands in his way. But we can stop him. We found our weapon. So, Vought workers, around the world, this is for you. Get out. Jump shipwhile you still can. If you have anyone you love, anything you care about, run. Now. If you take anything away from my speech, make it this.
âAlmost every plan we made got fucked. Almost everything I said Iâd never do, I did. And weâve kept going. It didnât matter what our public image was, or has been, or will be after this. The world will not be safe until Homelander is dead. And there will be work to do after, but right now, thatâs all that matters. Thatâs whatâs coming. And Homelander,â you narrow your eyes at the camera, leaning forward. âBen and I are ready for you. None of us are martyrs or heroes, but this is it. Iâm stronger. Benâs stronger. And we both have something to live for, and something to die for. You donât have either. Youâre the worst thing that ever happened to me, and this is it.â You raise your chin high, staring Homelander down without seeing him. âYou turned me into the Anomaly. You drove Ben and I together. If you werenât such a narcissistic sociopath, Iâd probably be halfway across the world, writing academic papers and dating some foreign, normal guy. But now Iâm going to kill you, and youâll have no one to blame but yourself.â Your face curls into a twisted smirk, born from something like liberation. Like a million pieces falling into place as you turn your attention to Benâpounding and rioting in your bodyâand see your expression mirrored on his face. âIâll see you soon, Homelander.â You look back to the camera. âWe both will.â
The light of the camera turns off, the video finishes, and thatâs it. Youâd done what you could, said what you needed to, and now all that was to finish it. To actually, really, kill Homelander.
Hughieâs talking about how heâs going to watch the video over and upload it. Butcherâs muttering that it wasnât half bad, and Annieâs giving you a tentative thumbs up and saying words that are probably reassuring praise.
You canât hear any of them. All you can hear is an off-key ringing in your ears, and the pounding of your own heart as your eyes start to blur and your head starts to turn faster than you can follow. Youâd missed things. You donât really remember anything you said, but thereâs so way you got everything. The speech was too short, because youâd missed things that you probably couldnât afford to miss. No, it was too long, because youâd spent time on semantics and details that didnât matter. It was okay to mention A-Train was alive, youâd cleared it with him first, but you hadnât mentioned Neuman. But Neuman wasnât a supe, and she couldnât defend herself. And she has a kid, A-Train doesnât have a kid. But you also hadnât mentioned Ashley, but sheâs not that importance really, but she could be. She could provide key testimony when this is done, and you need that testimony, but youâll also need A-Trainâs testimony.
You didnât think long term. None of this had been thought in the long term. You just accused Singer of something, by saying heâd blocked the V, and heâs still going to be president after this. You shouldâve mentioned the Boys more, try to exonerate them of some of their crimes, so Singer wouldnât turn on them as well. On you. Youâd just confessed to murder. Multiple murders. Thereâs blood on your hands and thereâs a crack thatâs reaching down your spine and now thereâs nothing left to stop Homelander from hurting people you love.
Youâd confessed to loving Ben. Youâd told the world you loved Ben. And you did. And you wouldnât take it back. Everything is cold and you canât really breathe, but you wonât take it back. You can fight Homelander now, but it still comes in waves, and youâre still afraid. Youâd said you werenât afraid.
It was a lie. Youâre so cold and tired and afraid, and you strong but not strong enough for this, and youâd just said everything and now you canât control what happens. Youâd just strung up your guts and organs and skin for all the world to see, and they may not be as careful with them as Ben is. As you need right now.
Nothing is in focus, and everything feels like itâs being knocked out of and away from you, and thereâs no more light here. Thereâs something good thatâs touching youârubbing circles on your cheeks, holding your face between big, warm handsâand something that sounds right saying your name, but you still canât hear anything but the blood.
Blood. So much blood on your hands and this ringing is get a key off from something thatâs haunting you, and you donât feel broken but youâre still weak. Weak and covered in blood-
You hear your name in your own head, like a thought that you didnât create, and things start to come down as itâs repeated. Over and over like a prayer until you begin to down to earth and youâre staring at a green that you know belongs to Ben.
Ben-
Youâre going to be fine. Youâre going to be fucking fine. Itâs an order. Heâs telling you that youâre not fine right now, but you will be. That, eventually, you will be fine, because thereâs not another option. Ben wonât let there be another option. Iâm here. I am right goddamn here, Sunshine, and youâre going fucking fine.
You nod, and drop your brow to Benâs because itâs the only thing you know how to do. Youâre still figuring out how to breatheâit helps to listen to Ben do it, because he does everything in such a firm and certain manner it has to be correctâand you canât remember how to stand, so all you can do is fall into Ben. Stay here until your chest is falling into a pattern with his, and fold against him as he moves your head to his shoulderâpressing a soft, reverent kiss on your brow as he doesâand pulls you into his arms. Let him stand up, cling to him like a lifeline, and listen to the grumbled exchanges around you.
âIs she-â
âShe needs a minute.â Ben grumbles, his voice rolling through your body as he cuts Annie off. âYou pussies do the plan, and we can hear it after.â
Your hands curl on Benâs neck as you shake your head, finding to will and strength to move your head and meet his gaze.
Iâm okay. You arenât convinced by your own words, but you push on all the same. Iâm really okay. We need to do this.
Ben scowls, and you can feel his ardor concentrate into something thatâs coating over his ribs and trying to wrap over your skin. You are not fucking okay. You went fucking catatonic, thatâs not goddamn okay-
I was not catatonic, you dramatic cunt. And I can make it through a meeting.
You can. Youâre pulling yourself together. Wrinkling your nose at Benâtrading sharp words that have no edge with himâis something that youâll always know how to do. That, somehow, grounds you just as well as Benâs own stone resolve. You think itâs because itâs certain. You will always tease and mock each other, and Ben will always roll his eyes and glower, and you will always stick out your tongue and pout at him. And no matter what, he wonât go, and neither will you. There wonât be any lines for what you can and canât say, because you both know it would probably kill you to hurt each other.
So youâre coming back to yourself, and itâs because Ben is scowling, and alive and loud in your chest.
I could fucking feel you, he growls your name in the heavy silence of the room, his hold on your body tightens. You need to rest-
Iâll rest after the meeting-
Or you could rest right fucking now-
Or I could rest after the meeting. Your hands move to hold his face, running his beard between your fingers as you offer him a sad but easy smile. Weâre so close, Ben. Weâre really, really close, and I need to do this. You can carry me upstairs and pin me to the bed to make me rest, after, but it has to be after. Please.
Swear it. Swear youâll rest.
Iâll rest. I promise.
Benâs jaw is clenched so tightly youâre worried heâll break it, but you get a stiff nod as he sits down. Keeping you in his lap as he looks up, glaring at something over your head.
âGo get the rest of the fucking dumbass pussies. You get ten minutes before we fucking leave.â
âAinât you gonna say please, Gov-â
âNo.â
You hear Butcherâs huff, and twist in Benâs arms just in time to see him stomping away.Â
It doesnât take long to gather everyone. Annie, Hughie, and Frenchie are already here, Neuman, Ashley, and A-Train had just been waiting in the kitchen, and MM and Kimiko are still with your family, so within three minutes youâre all settled the living room, watching each other in a weary silence.
You do really want to just go rest with Ben, for all of this to be done, so you speak first.
âI have a plan-â
âAinât that a surprise-â
âShove it up your ass, Butcher.â You flip him off without looking, and continue. âIâve had a plan. Itâs, it has kind of adapted to the cards we have, but it will work all the same. You guys,â your attention turns to Ashley, A-Train, and Neuman. âNeed to make me a promise first, though.â
Neuman frowns, sitting up a little straighter. âWhat kind of promise could you need from us-â
âMostly one about honor. Keeping your word.â
âThat is so fucking vague-â
âItâs meant to be vague, Ashley.â A-Train mutters, glaring at you in a way that feels more cautious than hateful. âSheâs trying to feel out how likely we are to agree.â
Ashley looks to you with wide eyes, and you sigh.
âI am.â Your words gaining a more urgent edge, because this is important. âBut forgive me for not fully trusting you-â
âYou tell us what sort of promise you need,â A-Train snaps over you, foot bouncing in his seat. âAnd as long as itâs not something really shitty, weâll make it.â
You examine him, and he seems genuine. He mostly just looks tired. Done with all of this. You understand that, you can feel it in your bones and muscles, so you keep talking.
âI want your word that, when this is over, youâll stay on our side. Go on the record and say everything youâve seen and witnessed, about Vought and the government and Homelander and anything else. All the Red River shit, how you,â you nod to Neuman. âWere the Head Popper, and anything Sage ever told you. Say it again, under oath if necessary.â
Neumanâs eyes narrow. âAnd why would I possibly want to admit to be the Head Popper. Why would any of us want to admit anything-â
âBecause this farm is about to be a war zone.â You keep your words casual and bored, but your gaze sharp. âAnd if you agree to work with us after, weâll keep you out of danger and make sure your families,â you look to A-Train. âAll your families, arenât caught in the crossfire. We can negotiate your pardons and deals before we bring you out of hiding, or we can testify about all the crimes we know you committed and you just get locked up.â
âThatâs not fair!â Ashleyâs words are frantic. Panicked. âYouâre trying to fucking blackmail us, thatâs a fucking crime-â
âAll of this is a crime.â You snap, giving Ashley a daggered glare. âBut weâre about to be the people that killed Homelander. You can either work with us, or not. Itâs up to you.â
Thereâs a moment of heavy, painful silence, and youâre not sure if theyâre trying to call your bluff, but there isnât one. Youâre past bluffs, here. Now itâs just about survival, and knowing if you can trust them with anything.
Finally A-Train coughs, and something like lead dissipates in your blood.
âFine. Deal.â
His tired, flat voice spurs Neuman and Ashley into action, and you get two more reluctant agreements. There will be more time for details later. What deals you can cut and what youâll need them to take the stand on can wait, because now you have to talk about the plan. Itâs immediate and so fucking fragile, and you finally have your shot. You canât waste valuable time before you take it.
âGood.â You look around the room, tapping your fingers on Benâs arm as you calculate every word, every risk, everything that could go wrong and everything that will go wrong, and still know that this is your best bet. This is what has to be done. âWeâll get them to a safe house with Zoe until this is over, and Homelander will come to us. Itâs empty up here, and Edgar wonât miss this place if it gets destroyed in the fight. All his livestock died in November, and heâs not getting out of prison anytime soon, so Iâm comfortable making this collateral. Weâll lure him, booby-trap the fuck out of the grounds, and disorient him enough for someone to get the drill into him. Frenchie-â
âIt will be ready tomorrow. A projectile, and I can make many.â Frenchie looks around the group with a grim expression. âOne shot. A single hit, and it will if my work is correct, wedge in his skin, and the V will be shot into his system by a trigger.â
Butcher frowns. âWe got enough of this shit for mass production-â
âOui.â Frenchie gives one, firm nod. âA small amount, a micro-dose, will be more than effective. Just one,â Frenchie makes a sound, miming a syringe. âAnd the fucker will go down like it is nap time, and he is having a sugar crash.â
âAwesome,â you chew on your tongue, squeezing your hand on Ben. âThen all that weâll have to do-â
We. Ben grunts in your head, and you can feel something in him grow powerful and bloody. Youâre not getting fucking near that Star-caped pussy-
It was the royal we, Benjamin. You twist in his lap, giving him a pointed glare. And I can fight Homelander. Iâm stronger-
I fucking know that. I am not worried about how fucking strong you are, Iâm worried about you-
âYou twats care to involve us in your little fuckin spat?â Butcher drawls, and you turn to see him looking more annoyed than angry. âCause if itâs âbout the bloody mission weâre all riskin our asses for, we should put it up for vote-â
âNone of your goddamn business-â
âYou donât want her near the fight, Gov, ainât that it?â Butcher smirks, but thereâs something hollow behind it. âWorried she may get hurt when Homelander decides he ainât playin nice? That you might lose âer because sheâll make some stupid fuckin sacrifice and you ainât gonna have nothin left to live for?â
You think Ben is going to murder Butcher. And you might have let him, is you couldnât feel the powerful and bloody thing start to rot. To twist and cave in on itself, and swing back and forth between a fury thatâs pushing around his chest and out of his body, and a molding, aching pain thatâs climbing up his spine and into his heart.
Ben. Is Butcher, you pause, waiting for Benâs violet glare to turn to you and soften slightly. Is he right.
Heâs tearing himself apart. Thereâs something like a tornado or hurricane in Benâs body, and you can almost hear how itâs hurting him in his grunted, Yes.
Iâll be okay, Ben. I canât die-
I fucking know that. Itâs not- His scowl becomes mostly lines on his face, and his whole body is only made of the aching storm. I am not losing you.
You wonât lose me-
And I fucking know, and I donât fucking care. Heâs not yelling between your heads, but his voice is loud, and almost fucking hopeless in a way that breaks your heart. Youâre more than damn stronger enough to fight him, and I donât fucking want you to. You are goddamn capable and brilliant and strong, and I donât want you anywhere fucking near this shit. You canât start fucking breaking again and expect me to just be fine with throwing my wife into a goddamn fight with Homelander. A cowardly fucking pussy psychopath whoâs not going pull punches, whoâs going to try and take away the only two people I give a fuck about, the only people Iâve ever fucking loved, and if I lose them it will be my own goddamn fault for letting them get hurt when I shouldâve fucking kept them safe-
You canât let him keep doing this to himself, because you understand. You and Ryan are all Ben has, and heâs not going allow himself to put you in harmâs way. You can fight him on this, and probably win, and if something does, somehow, go wrong, Ben wonât ever forgive himself. He still hasnât forgiven himself for the first time, and the second time would destroy him, the same way your second time had broken you.
And youâd stay with him. When you found your way back to Ben, youâd stay with him until the storm passed, even if it took a hundred years. Heâd grow paranoid and wake you up with explosions of golden light from his chest, but heâd still be Ben, the same way youâre still you.
But if you can do anything for him, offer him anything thatâs truly vital, itâs sparing him that pain. Itâs bending, just for this, because you know Ben will fight with a clear, determined, focused wrath if he knows Ryan is safe with you, and youâre both far away from Homelander.
You donât really want to see Homelander die anyway. Thereâs nothing sadistic or bloodthirsty in your body, because youâre so tired of pain and sick of blood on your hands. Hearing the words Homelanderâs dead, seeing his small husk of a body, and marrying Ben in a world where Homelander will never hurt anyone again will be all you need.
So you kiss Ben in a soft, gentle way that makes his hands on your body relax and the mold in his body start to fade as the glow grows, and look back to your team. Waiting silently for you and Ben to finish.
âIâll take Ryan. He and I will go with them,â you nod to Neuman, Ashley, and A-Train. âAnd hide until the mission is done. Youâll get the V into Homelander, Ben will blast him, and Butcher will shoot him. And that will be it.â
There are small, nervous nods, and Hughie clears his throat, scratching the back of his neck.
âWhat about, um, what about Sage-â
âIâll take care of it. I just need a day.â You lean back into Benâs body, looking around the room with your most firm, immovable expression. You might have copied Benâsâa set jaw, deep lines on your face, and an unspoken glint in your eyes that says I know what the fuck Iâm doingâbut it does the trick all the same. Nobody pushes you, and thatâs it.
You have a fucking plan.
Everyone shuffles off to eat or talk or pretend that Homelander wonât be here in before the week is over. That everything isnât either going to have crumbled or begin to grow again, and it all rides on getting this right. On not missing, or fucking up, and having each otherâs backs.Â
It would be easy to spiral again. To drown in whatâs coming, and every way I could go wrong. But Ben doesnât waste any time, and before your brain can invite the doubt or panic knocking against your skull to be explored, heâs moving. Carrying you upstairs to your bedroom, kicking the door closed behind you, locking it without a word, and lowering you both carefully onto the stiff mattressed, itchy blanket bed thatâs still comfortable, because Ben is here with you. Warm and strong under your touch, muscles flexing whenever he breathes, and the only thing you might ever really need.
Neither of you look to move, or go further. All that feels necessary right now is to have Ben. To feel to drum of his heart when you rest your head on his chest, and the soft hair of his beard when your fingers drift over his face. To smell pine and coffee and strawberries and know that heâs here. That heâs safe and solid, and nothing is going to take this instinct of Ben away from you.
You think itâs all he wants as well. His hands are moving over your body, but the only heat they leave is made of affection and care. Benâs touch always makes you feel loved, but this makes you feel needed. Like thereâs a direct line from Benâs fingers tracing up your spine and over your hips into your nerves, and it shoots every single piece of his love right into your brain. Assures you that Ben is as natural as breathing, and he loves you, and every beat of his heart belongs to you because every turn of your head belongs to him. That, no matter what comes, you really will be safe, because thereâs no other option when youâre loved like this.
Itâs silent for a long whileâonly the sound of bird-song out the window and Benâs breath near your earâand youâre not sure how much time has passed when Benâs low, rough voice sounds in your head.
You find a way to get yourself fucking killed with this, and Iâll leave you, Sunshine.
You let out a soft laugh, propping your chin on Benâs chest to meet his attentive, wrathful, painfully in love gaze. No, you wonât.
The fuck I wonât-
You wonât. Youâll get all angry and violent and sad and kill a bunch of people about it, and then get even sadder and angrier because youâll remember I wouldâve been pissed at you for doing that, and then youâll go cry at my grave for the third time that day. Youâll be the mean, old, handsome graveyard coke-snorter, right up until the inevitable heat death of the universe finally gets your ass.
Ben scowls, but it doesnât reach his eyes. Everything in his eyes is made of that bitter feeling, but under it you can still feel the glow. Shining out and rushing through your body, making everything inside you soft and restful, but still alive. More alive than youâve ever really been before Ben, and as alive as you plan to feel for the rest of time.
Nobodyâs given me any fucking coke. He grumbles in your head, and you know heâs trying to change the topic. That the bitter feeling is born from the thought of your death, no matter how impossible that is, and youâre more than willing to abandon that conversation. Youâd think for a bunch of goddamn criminals, these pussies wouldâve found some coke-
I bet Frenchie has some. You smile at him, kissing a gentle line over his jaw. And if you asked very, very nicely, he might share with you.
Ben grunts, and hand moving to your hair to guide your face up, hovering right over his. âWhen this shit is over, Iâll get that coke, and weâre doing it together.â
âI love you, Benjamin, but I am not doing cocaine-â
He cuts you off with a soft, long, easy kiss, chuckling at how fast you fall onto him. How easy it is for him to touch your right and make you fold without any struggle, and how you have no desire to fight against that.
âIt wonât do a damn thing to you, Sunshine, youâve got a higher tolerance than I do.â He presses another, almost sweet kiss to the corner of your mouth, muttering against your skin. âAnd if it does, Iâll get to see you all fucked up again.â
You flush, dropping your face into his neck. Can we please forget that happened-
Not a damn chance. You can feel his smile as he kisses the side of your head, hear his amusement in the silence. Fucked up you was very open with me. She told me I was beautiful.
You are beautiful. You mumble into his head, tangling your fingers into his hair. So shut up.
Iâm hot as fuck, darling. He chuckles, tracing patterns on your back. But youâre more beautiful. Youâre the most beautiful thing Iâve ever goddamn seen.
Ben-
You are. Donât get all fucking modest on me-
You rise back up, holding Benâs face between your hands and studying his face. You already have it memorized, every deep line and rugged feature and bright color, but youâll never get tired of looking at it. Of looking at him.
Iâm not modest. You kiss the tip of his nose, and Benâs hands on your body still. I get to marry a very grumpy man whoâs the most attractive cunt in the universe, and whoâs willing to share his cocaine with me. Why would I be modest about that?
A low growl rumbles from Benâs chest, and he flips you onto your back with a yelp. Caging you between the bed and his body, kissing everywhere he can reach on your face and neck and collarbone, grinning as you let out a high, needy sound and tilts you head back to grant him any access he wants.
Such a fucking brat, beautiful. He moves his knee between your legs, groaning as you start to grind against him. I love you so goddamn much, you drive me fucking insane-
âBen.â You try to pull his face back to yours, your voice a breathless, pleading gasp. âNo sex in the house-â
He crashes back up, his kiss bruising and turning your body into something molten and desperate for more. Singing just for Ben, Ben, Ben, who cares if Butcher walks in because Ben will shield you and youâre unraveling under him and youâve never felt safer-
âYou owe me a blowjob in the forest,â he mutters against you. âAnd I get to eat you out wherever the fuck you want-â
You gather all your will through your haze of Ben, and shake your head weakly. âNot here. Not now. But later, Ben, please, please fuck me, please-â
He pulls back, grinning down at your likely ruined and lustful expression, his love made of an awe you can see on his face and a devotion you can feel in his chest.
âChrist,â he says your name, and itâs the best thing youâve ever heard. âYouâre confusing your fucking self. You want me to fuck you, yes or no.â
You whine, and his grin grows, even as his tone becomes stern.
âWords-â
âI,â you pause, reaching up to just touch him, and shake your head. âNot now. After.â
He nods, and catches your wrist, moving your hand to his mouth and kissing over your knuckles. Where.
Can I think about it?
Ben laughs, and drops down to kiss you in an easy, slow way that doesnât need to be more. Youâre fucking going to anyway.
You will. Later, youâll dedicate a whole hour to figuring out where you want to see Benâs head between your legs, and where you want to scream his name. You already have some ideas, but it will need your full attention, which is something you canât quite spare today. Becauseâonce Ben decides youâre fully rested, and removes his weight from over your bodyâyou have work to do.
Your speech hadnât been a bait for Sage, but it would function as a lure. Something for her to latch onto, and want answers for. And sure enough, when MM and Kimiko return, itâs with news that Sage had called and demanded a meeting. Just you and her, on neutral ground, with terms of no Homelander, no Ben.
âThere is not a fucking chance-â
You squeeze Benâs hand, giving him a sharp but gentle glare. âI can handle this, my love.â
âIâm not worries about you handling it,â he hisses. âSage is a manipulative bitch, and we donât know what the hell she wants-â
âIt wonât matter what she wants.â You shrug, looking back to MM. âFind somewhere quiet, maybe in Vermont, and tell her to meet me there.â
Ben growls your name, and you ignore him.
âIâm not stupid enough to fully go alone, so Iâll drive, drop you and my very grumpy, overprotective husband off somewhere close but not obvious for backup, and pick you up after.â
Everything in Ben stumbles and bursts into a consuming, bloody glow, and you know youâve won. The moment you called him your husband youâd felt all of Benâs will and fight dissolve, and youâre going to have to figure out a way to actually marry him by the end of the month, because his face might be the best one youâve ever seen, this feeling the best one youâve ever experienced. All you ever want to experience again.Â
It only takes a day for MM and Sage to make arrangements. Sage keeps insisting to speak with you directly, MM keeps refusing, and eventually Sage relents with the condition that she gets to choose the location.
A little roadside diner in upstate New York, right off of a postcard and shielded from the sky by a green, overgrown forest that makes your breathing a little easier. The air is warm and a little humid from a storm that had left puddles in the parking lot and glittering drops on water on the windows, and when you park the stolen carâBen and MM waiting at a gas station about ten minutes away and, hopefully, not killing each otherâyou take a long breath.
You have everything you need. You know everything you need to say. This will be hard, and then it will be over. All you have to do is move.
When you push the door of the diner open, small bell rings and the diner is mostly empty. You didnât expected Sage to be here, you arrived an hour early in the very hope she wouldnât be, so you sit at a corner booth that faces the door, and mostly just wait.
When Sage does arrive, she sees you immediately. A cold smile crosses her face as she drops down across from you, examining the table carefully.
âThereâs no trap.â You say, keeping your voice bored and neutral. âItâs just a table.â
Sage looks up, her smile becoming snake-like.
âIâd apologize, but both you yourself and the company you keep hasnât been known to be honorable. Iâd have to be stupid to discount you putting a bomb under a public table, and Iâm not stupid.â
You let out a dry laugh. âBig talk about honor, when I know the deal you made with my fucking mother.â
âI wonât apologize for taking an open opportunity-â
âBecause youâre a fucking bitch.â You shrug, holding her gaze with your own, tired, flat one, tapping your fingers on the sugar shaker. âWe both know youâre not sorry about any of this, and we both know that youâre a heartless cartoon supervillain, so what do you want.â
Sageâs lips curl into what might be the only real grin youâve ever seen on her hateful face. âI really do like you,â she says your name, and you believe her. âI think, if youâd become a supe when you were a baby, weâd have been friends.â
âI like to think Iâd still have a soul if that happened-â
âWe all like to think things that like. But weâre just animals. Well, theyâre just animals. Youâre just an animal.â
You tilt your head, flagging down the waitress for two coffees. âAnd youâre not? Youâre a god, like Homelander?â
âNo.â Sageâs sounds almost amused. âGods are still dependent on humans. To be created, maintained, remembered. I donât care for that. What I care for is perfection. Something far better than humanity, something free of their selfish ignorance-â
âWith the V.â You canât stop your whisper as you put it together, watching Sage with a sharp, careful attention. âThatâs why you want the V formula. To make more, and finish Voughtâs plan with it.â
âNot Voughtâs exact plan. He was caught in the primitive, pointless ideology of race supremacy. But this is about species supremacy. About humanâs being ungrateful for what theyâve been given, and needing to be eradicated like the disease to the world that they are. But nobody is meant to know that yet. YouâŚâ she trails off, and her face curls into something that chills your bones. âYou found the Cornucopia.â
Your silence is her answer, and she lets out a laugh that makes your skin crawl.
âI must say, youâve managed to surprise me again. Putting that together yourself, and that video.â She shakes her head, looking you up and down. âThat was one of the smarter moves youâve made. Iâm impressed.â
You hum, holding her gaze. âBut?â
âBut it was still reckless. Iâd already planned for it, and although you said things Iâd counted out, such as admitting to your affair with Soldier Boy, or to killing Firecracker, but Iâll adapt, and youâll still lose.â
âI wouldnât call it an affair,â you hum, frowning at the sugar shaker. âIâd call it falling in love.â
Sage makes a sound of amusement. âLove isnât permanent. As Iâve tried to tell you, Soldier Boy will be a violent, angry man for the rest of his life. Youâre the most powerful supe alive. You have the public in the palm of your hand, and you could spend all eternity making something perfect. You could go play house,â she gives the ring on your finger a pointed look. âWith Solider Boy and the son of your rapist, or you could see what you can really do. Create a world without pain, create a world with only pain, fix humanâs messes for the rest of time or finally give up on them. I could cleanse you of your little pestilence of a team, hiding like roaches in Maine, and you could fight Homelander one on one. Give him the gruesome death we both know he more than deserves. You could even keep Soldier Boy as a pet, and still be-â
âIf you say interesting.â You drawl. âIâll punch you again. And Ben isnât my pet, and Ryan isnât just Homelanderâs son.â You lean over the table, narrowing your eyes. âTheyâre my family. All of them. I donât really want to see what I can do, Sage. I think I just want this to be done.â
âYou truly do believe your love for Soldier Boy is an exception, donât you. That itâs not just a temporary chemical reaction, that can be manufactured just as easily as a spoon, or diaper?â
You sit a little taller in your seat, staring down the obvious disgust on Sageâs face. âI think that you were right. That by all logical sense, I shouldnât have ever loved Ben. But I do. And I will, long after this over. So speak very carefully when you talk about him, because Iâm very forgiving of things you say about me,â you drop your voice to a hiss, letting a little bit of fire light up in your eyes. âBut I will not be forgiving of things you say about him.â
âAnd thatâs the thing, isnât it.â Sage looks you up and down, and her voice almost sounds disappointed. âIn the end youâre still too human. Too emotional. A worthy opponent, but still just a little too weak.â
Love hasnât made you weak. If anything, love might be the only thing youâre certain makes you strong. Pulls you apart before putting you back together, just a little better and sturdier than youâd been before.
So you donât break. You take your coffee from the waitress, and look back to Sage with your best, innocently curious expression.
âCan I ask you a question?â
If Sage is surprised by your pivot, she doesnât show it, only nodding for you to continue.
âHow smart do you think youâd have been?â You watch her carefully, leaning back as you add sugar to your mug. âIf they hadnât given you the V?â
Sage only shrugs, taking the sugar as you set it back onto the table. âThat doesnât matter, because we can trade hypotheticals all day, but in the end, I am smarter. Better. In the end, Iâll win. Iâll work out how to get rid of you when you become more of an annoyance than interesting, and you be dirt in the ground with your precious Soldier Boy. Just as love says you should be.â
âOr,â you watch as Sage pours the sugar into her cup, and look up at her with a wide smile. âI could marry him. And like an impossibly long, incredibly interesting life with someone who I love. Iâd never be bored, but I would be happy.â You pause, looking Sage over with your best gentle concern. âAre you happy?â
Sage almost scoffs. âI am not concerned about happiness-â
âYou should be.â You shrug, stirring a small spoon in your mug. âIâm happy. There are long, horrible moments where Iâm afraid and in pain, but then Iâm happy again. And I wasnât ever sure Iâd get that. A life where I get love someone like this, and they love me back, and, I mean, have you seen the Princess Bride?â
Sageâs mouth tics, and you know sheâs noticed youâre running the conversation. âI donât watch many movies. Theyâre pointless, and I have more important issues-â
âItâs a great movie. It was put into failed production several times before 1987, but the key was you couldnât take it too seriously. Itâs a love story, but itâs also an outright ridiculous drama-â
Youâre cut off as Sage sneers your name, but you donât drop your easy, blissful smile. âI know we both enjoy speaking, but I do have a company to get back to. Work to do. So if we could move on to discussing your video-â
âJust one second.â You keep your voice sweet and dreamy as you continue to ramble. âI got Ben to watch the Princess Bride. I think he might have already seen it, because he wasnât paying attention, but he never pays attention. He mostly just stares at me and tries to pretend he doesnât have a boner. I love him so much.â
Sage snaps your name, you ignore her, and she dumps half the canister of sugar into her mug.
âSee, he thinks the whole pirate thing is cool. He told me that heâd make the best fucking pirate, and come right back to me. There wasnât a damn reason to stay away for five fucking years.And Iâve told him that I agree. Heâs fast and skilled enough to win the duel, and strong enough to beat the giant, and he already has the drug tolerance for iocane powder. He has the drug tolerance for most anything. There are actually only two things he canât tolerate. Your gas, and my empathy suppressant. Nobody can tolerate my empathy suppressant except for me. Frenchie said it makes brains leak out of ears.â
Sage hums, looking vaguely interested. âAn empathy suppressant? Does it severe the limbic system-â
âBombs it. Entirely.â
âWhich you would obviously survive.â She muses, taking a long, slow sip of her coffee. âBut I would likely survive as well, given my targeted healing factor.â
âMaybe.â You prop your elbows on the table, your bright smile dropping to a crude grin. âLetâs find out.â
You see the moment it hits her. Just a second after the words leave your mouth, her eyes widen and she starts to cough. To try and push the coffee out of her system, her entire face covered in hatred and angry and fearâreal, primal fear like a deer in headlights or a child whoâs had a nightmareâand then nothing at all.
Frenchie had been right. It was instant, and something red was leaking out of Sageâs ears as she slumped forward, onto the table.
It hadnât been fool-proof, your plan. Youâd made Ben crushed up the suppressant with a knifeâhe was good at that, and you liked watching his arms flex as he workedâand filled up one of Edgarâs saltshakers. Swapped it onto the table, and prayed that Sage wouldnât think you were that stupid. That if she thought you were going to kill her, thatâs youâd be more calculated and careful about it. That she didnât believe youâd do something so obvious and blatant, that youâd want more information out of her, that this whole thing was a genuine meeting and not an assassination.
Her brain shouldnât regenerate, thereâs none of it left, but youâre not going to take any risks. You drag Sage out of the boothâignoring the silent, petrified attention of every other person in the diner and taking the sugar dispenser with youâand into the parking lot, finding a spot with no cars, no grass, and no wood before dropped her onto the pavement. You spare the sugar dispenser, and the suppressant inside it, only one look before theyâre tossed onto Sageâs body, and you send both up into flames.
You can still feel Ben. You wonât be able to soon, youâd drank the suppressant as well, but you can know. Heâs silently furious and made of a zealous, focused care thatâs been bouncing around your chest since youâd separated.
Iâm done. You mutter down your line, letting the flames move to your feet, letting people crowd at the windows and only focusing on how there is one less thing to be afraid of, and how Ben flashes through your blood as you speak. Iâll be there soon.
Did you-
Sheâs dead.
Good. Benâs voice grunts in your head, and you can almost feel him. Over the smoke you can smell pine, and feel something warm that isnât born from you, but still a part of you. Fucking bitch.
You let out a small, easy laugh. She was, wasnât she.
Damn right she was. Thereâs a pause, and then, I love you. I really fucking love you, and I am ready for this to be fucking over. Weâre going to kill Homelander, and never hear the word Vought again. Deal?
You probably look insane. Youâre standing over Sageâs twisted and brunt corpse and letting the flames climb back over your body, sink back into your skin, and turn your clothing to scorched ash as you smile. A wide smile that covers your whole face as you live only inside your body, with Ben. In all his love, and how certain he sounds that, by next week, Homelander will only be a body with empty, cold eyes and you will live a long, happy, perfect life with Ben.
Deal.
End Note: Sage your funeral will be the most pathetic one in history mark my words. Also someone let Ben yell about getting married he's gonna lose it.
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It's horrible too if Jinx lives!!
OK, I guess we're doing this?
People keep coming at me for my post about Jinx dying being terrible writing and promoting suicide by heroics as a valid way out, and the argument is always "Actually, Jinx is alive because XYZ"
So let me makes myself clear : if Jinx lives, it's also terrible writing!!
Because for all intent and purposes, she DOES DIE! Even if she's alive and fucked off in that blimp, she's still dead to everyone who knew and loved her.
WORSE! Vi will go on thinking for the rest of her life that Jinx died because of her, or at the very least that she couldn't save her.
It's not for no reason that Vi has this scene in the cell with Caitlyn, where she says she always choses wrong. In the scene on the crumbling metal beam, Vi choses not to listen to Jinx!
People got in my comments saying I have no humanity for reproving Vi picking "Vander's corpse" over Jinx. But what we see happen is Jinx telling Vi multiple time to get away and how to get to safety, and Vi completely ignoring her to interact with Vander/WW, only for him to wake up, attack her, and force Jinx to risk her life to save Vi.
Vi made a choice, between more time with Vander and listening to Jinx, and the price paid in the end is Jinx dying.
What if she lived and escaped? Vi doesn't know that! Ekko doesn't know that! Or Sevika! Or anyone!
Thought exercise time: close your eyes and imagine a relative disappearing for your life after a lethal accident you're involved in. You never recover a body and never see them again. How do you feel about it? Mmh?
"Oh but Caitlyn sees the schematics that show a side tunnelâŚ"
Firstly, Caitlyn was nowhere near the event, and she can't frame-by-frame the explosion as we do, so you can hardly claim she's looking for Jinx and not, for example, the arcane gem, or Warwick.
Vander/WW was shown to be entirely impervious to the bullets from Jinx's automatic gun. If anyone has a chance of surviving, it'd be him.
But do you know what? If Jinx is in that blimp, and Caitlyn then tells Vi, "From the schematic, I think your sister could have escaped" (ignoring entirely the fact that Jinx should be cut in half by WW's claws wrapped around her waist), then what would happen???
That would send Vi on a wild goose's chase!! How many years would she spend hunting through Zaun trying to find her sister? How many years until she starts resenting Caitlyn for giving her false hope? How many years until she's forced to accept Jinx isn't anywhere, and so must have died back then, and has to see herself as Jinx's killer all over again??
How is this good for Vi?
And Ekko? He pulled her out of suicide what? 5 times? Had some epic bonding with her painting all over each other, doing self-care and hair dyes and fixing a balloon so they could go on a big attack together.
Maybe he thought he could genuinely finally be close to his world's Powder. Silco just taught him the greatest thing he can do is forgive, and the girl he forgives fakes her death and runs away?
They're barely 20 ffs, Jinx would have plenty of time to struggle on the road to recovery, especially with his help. What if Ekko was ready to be there along the way with her? What about him?
How is it good if Jinx is NOT dead but has NOT told him? What difference does it make to him? She's dead for Ekko, and if he learns later on that she faked her death, all he'll know is that HE wasn't worth her staying. He wasn't even worth telling the truth to!!!
It's fucked! It's not healthy!! Jinx could have her ending removing herself from Zaun without having to fake her death.
But hang on, it gets worse!
Because it's straight up not good writing even on the meta level.
Arcane has millions of viewers. Nobody I know IRL thinks Jinx is alive. Plenty of people in my notes agree she's dead. Do you know what millions of people think? That she is dead!!! Because it's the TEXT OF THE SHOW.
Millions of fans will think Jinx was killed off, because they aren't willing to go frame by frame, extrapolating and make-believing their way into thinking she is alive. Most fans are normal people who aren't terminally online, theorycrafting all day long.
Most normal fans have moved on to watch Dune Prophecy or Sweetpea. And if Jinx comes out alive in another show, the "Somehow Palpatine Jinx returned" memes will abound.
Let's go over the common elements brought forth as arguments.
Jinx uses pink and blue in that bomb, and pink is how she gets away "quick".
No? The bomb she attached to Thieram in season 1 was pink and it was all for glitter and harassment. There is no strong canon association of meaning. If you watch frame by frame, there is a pink "light gleam" over the first blue detonation followed by a very large pink blast and ZERO smoke trails or anything indication someone getting away. Jinx uses the same bomb she used to kill herself very effectively earlier in the show, so we have no indication it wouldn't kill her here too.
We can see the inside of her bomb when she kills herself (with the two liquid vials) and it's the same she uses on Vander/WW and herself.
Besides, even if she used some part of the explosion to get away, WW's claws are around her like this:
She'd be bisected in half.
So some people say that means that Warwick is also alive and let her go! But no. That's make-believe. That's fanon, 100%. The TEXT of the show is that Vander is burnt away (we see the final image of himself burning up) and he has just attacked Vi, trying to kill her. We have no indication he'd want to spare Jinx here.
HOWEVER, he's literally bullet proof, so if there's anything we can conclude is that he's likely to be the one to have made it into a shaft and to safety.
Speaking of shafts: the next argument is that Caitlyn is looking at the tower's schematics to hint that she suspects Jinx lives.
Maybe, but you are reading a character's mind. We see her look at schematics while holding the monkey bomb head, yes, but you don't know what she's thinking, and if the show runners don't make it explicit, then Cait's thoughts about an explosion she hasn't even witnessed aren't worth much. She could think Warwick lived. OR she could think, despite not witnessing the fight, that Jinx lived. But she doesn't KNOW, she doesn't tell us, and so you are INVENTING the thoughts of a character to mean what you want it to mean.
This would be a lot more meaningful if it were Vi investigating this.
There's a blimp going away, it has blue smoke, and then it ends with a Jinx glitch.
No. There is a blimp going away, slowly, without any blue smoke. It's also THE EXACT SAME ONE that opens Season 1 act 1.
Instead of coming towards Piltover, it now is leaving over the sea. This can be fully interpreted as a sign that the hextech era is over. Blimps have to travel the old fashioned way again. It's also going away from Piltover/Zaun, symbolizing future stories taking place there.
Finally, the glitch is 3 frames long and spells "the End". IDK why the fact that it's a little Jinxy means anything to anyone. The end of credits for season 1 was Jinxy as well, and it could simply be about keeping the same visual identity and not a sign of Jinx being alive???
If I wanted to play subtext games, I could say "Wow Jinx writing "the end" would be appropriate if she were dead" and reverse the argument.
Finally, and the thing in most poor taste, IMO.
Jinx kills herself several times in the opening of the episode, and a sad emo song plays over it, with sad fucked up lyrics. Then Ekko comes and pulls her from thisâŚ
Only for that EXACT same song to be played while she and Vander/WW fall. They are both crying. Vi is crying and screaming while these lyrics are playing!!
If I could just lay my head down and rest. If there was nothing to fight or protect. Maybe then I could finally be free. Maybe death is like falling asleep. This world is a wasteland where nothing can grow. I used to have strength but I ran out of hope. I know it's my fault that I'm here all alone. This world is a wasteland. Please let me go. Go, go, go. Please let me go.
This is literally singing about suicide. When you say "Maybe death is like falling asleep" over the animation of a character pulling the pin, you are not dealing in subtext or metaphor of any kind.
One of the earlier shots literally has her framed in broken glass among shards that are WARWICK'S MAW. It's like a hint of her death being killed by him, furthering the parallel.
And I think it is in very bad taste to have suicide apologia music playing over characters screaming and bawling (Vi)
while others cry (Jinx and WW)
and a bomb goes off (with no hint of survival),
only for some of y'all to come around acting like Cait glowering at a blueprint and a recuring blimp all means Jinx is alive...
It would be grief porn on the part of the writers. It would mean slamming us in our feelings in a brutal way, in an ugly way, while playing a suicide song, only to turn around and say "Syke! didn't you get that Cait is suspicious about Jinx so it totally means it was all a fakeout?"
I don't want a fake-out at this point!! Why would I?? It's legit worse! Because then it means they couldn't spare 5min of animation time to have her rescued by Ekko and being on the mend with him. Even if she has a scene where she tells him "I need to leave. I can't stay in this city), at least it wouldn't be a cruel joke on the fans and the characters.
This entire ending means that either Jinx was better off dying taking out the mad monster made out of her dad with her (making her the ultimate dad killer, yay), or Jinx was better off removing herself from the equation SO THOROUGHLY that MOST fans believe it, everyone in world believe it, and the show offers no concrete textual clue for it.
It means Jinx didn't deserve/or wasn't able to get better. And so she has to die or do the exact-same-as-dying but kind of more fucked up somehow.
---
ULTIMATELY the message to impressionable viewers who struggle a lot with mental health and identified a lot with Jinx, are being told with soft sad music that yeah maybe dying is like going to sleep and your family should let you go, go, go, and that "leaving everything and everyone behind" is about the same.
It's fucked, and it saddens me that people are so focused on the "she lived" narrative that they miss out the fact that a hint she may be alive doesn't change the messaging.
And it saddens me knowing that if Viktor's arc ended with him being validated in feeling like his human body was "broken" and "inferior" and that his disability made him lesser as a human, people would have pitchforks and torches out.
Jinx's mental illness and struggles in interacting with the world were her disability, and she got fucking killed or wiped off the city incognito for it.
--
P.S: If you're warming up to post hate in comments or tags because you don't like my take and don't know how to politely disagree, please save us both time and block me. I'm open to polite discourse but the next person questioning my humanity over fandom wank will be nuked from orbit with prejudice.
#jinx#arcane#arcane 2#arcane jinx#arcane powder#arcane meta#suicide#mental health#mental illness#tropes#jinx death#vi#arcane vi#vander#arcane vander#arcane warwick#warwick#ekko#arcane ekko#timebomb#caitlyn kiramman#arcane spoilers#arcane 2 spoilers#arcane s2
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I'm gonna be so serious, y'all are remembering POWDER and Ekko and not JINX and Ekko when screaming about how much you "wanted Timebomb endgame over Caitvi"
shoving JINX in a relationship with her current mental state is not a good writing choice whatsoever, because Ekko literally had to keep rewinding time because she kept trying to kill herself. If Anything, That relationship would be rushed and fanservice because they would have jumped the gun in 2 episodes vs the 2 seasons it took for Caitvi and showing their ups and downs throughout their whole relationship.
The alternate universe works because Powder doesn't become Jinx and the two don't separate, unlike this universe where the two have been at odds for 7 years and almost kill each other back in Ep 7 of S1.
"But Cait never said sorry!" she didn't really have to, because Vi never stopped being in love with the girl that she Knows Cait is at heart, the Cocktail Molotov scene in Act 2 makes that VERY apparent. Cait saying that she was waiting for Vi to recover to address Jinx is the start of it because Act 1 Cait wouldn't have even Considered doing that, because she was so gung-ho about putting a bullet into Jinx that she Demanded Vi move out of the way for her to do so. She holds herself accountable with the mistakes she's made ("We can't erase our mistakes. None of us." that wasn't just a line targeted at Jinx to prove a point, there's deeper meaning behind it), and moving the guards out of the cell proving that she trusts Vi and her judgment on Jinx is that apology, Caitlyn has always been an "acts of service" kinda person over being a "verbal" kinda person; it's all over the place in S1 but Especially here in S2. But even after she takes Vi's shirt off, you could tell by her eyes and body language that she was most likely going to stop herself again to apologize for hitting her because the wound was in the same spot she initially hit, which was part of the lead up for This wound to even happen, but Vi's the one that just pulls her back in instead.
I'm also gonna add on that Vi thinks she made the wrong choice in trusting Jinx and thinking Jinx's changed because Jinx locked her in the cell and ran away again. So why in the Hell would Vi go chasing after her Again to be met with the same result time and time again? Vi isn't responsible for Jinx's mental health and y'all saying that are just weird. And I think it's apparent that Stillwater probably wasn't even in the top 10 things in her head being with Caitlyn, she was just running wild on emotions that she hasn't allowed herself to feel like-- Ever. And even if it Was Vi probably would have said she wasn't comfortable being in a jail cell of all places.
What was I talking about? Oh right, Timebomb.
Like Yes, it's shitty that Ekko doesn't get a happy ending considering he's the most unproblematic in the entire show. But people tend to forget that at the end of the day, Arcane is a TRADGEDY. It's not She-ra, it's not The Owl House, it wasn't going to be wrapped up in a neat little bow where everyone gets to smile and walk into the sunset with their loved ones, especially considering the fact that this season's being used as build ups to other stories, it's relatively clear that this isn't the last we're going to see of a lot of these characters. When they come back into play? well... who's to say?
But also, let's address that a lot of the Caitvi hate is just straight up homophobia at this point because a lot of people can understand Mel's admission to manipulating Jayce as an apology but Cait's actions we're suddenly braindead and need shit completely spelled out. like good lord I'm so tired of this. Y'all would NEVER have survived Catradora let me tell ya...
(My next post is gonna be a long winded rant about Maddie so stay tuned for that...)
#arcane#arcane season 2#caitlyn kiramman#vi arcane#ekko arcane#jink arcane#caitvi#timebomb#league of legends#yall are weird#and hypocritical#to say the least#arcane discussion#im rambling again#but i have a point#making timebomb canon would be fanservice not caitvi#im just saying
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gym rat taehyun who you end us seeing frequently at the gym whenever youâre around too and he starts helping you out on some of the stuff and sexual tension and then BAM, sex
a/n: I haven't written smut in so long so please bare with me đ I'm trying to get back into the groove of it but I've kinda lost confidence though I hope that doesn't show in my works lol. I hope you enjoy this, anon, and thank you for requesting!!
Warnings: smut, pnv, exhibitionism, unprotected sex but hyun's pull out game is top tier, I would know
WC: 1.8k
The gym a few blocks away from your apartment was always too crowded for your taste. Midday was the worst, with every piece of equipment occupied, and the ones that weren't were a sweaty mess due to peoples' lack of politeness.
Though, around 10PM was always the best time to go. It was much less crowded, and it was almost calming, in a way.
You, along with a few other late night gym rats, took this time to your advantage. The gym was nearly empty, and hip-hop music played quietly from the speakers. The sound of equipment moving and barbells clanking was miniscule compared to how it usually was.
Though, you'd be lying to yourself if you said that that was the only reason you came to the gym at that time.
Your other reason - your main reason - was currently at the pull-up bar, biceps bulging and sweat dripping down his clear skin as he effortlessly hoisted himself up on the bar. You were quite familiar with this man, or at least as familiar as you could get from afar. Without fail, he'd always be at the gym at this time, always alone, and ever so efficient in his workouts.
You tried not to stare as you leisurely stretched. You weren't in the mood for heavy lifting or cardio, yet you were fully intent on boy watching.
After what seemed like over a dozen pull-ups, the man hopped down from the bar, turning around with a hand on his hip to grab his towel, and you quickly looked away to not get caught ogling. To look busy, you continued with your stretching, doing basic stretches to pass the time. You were so distracted trying to look busy that you hadn't even noticed a certain someone approaching until you heard his voice.
"Your form isn't good." He said, causing you to flinch and sir upright, staring right at the man who was sipping from his water bottle.
Is he talking to me?, you thought. Though, he was obvious who he was talking to, due to his large brown eyes seemingly piercing into your soul. "...huh?" Was all that you could muster out.
"Sorry." He apologized, screwing his water bottle shut. "I don't mean to bother you, but I just thought that I should tell you that your form isn't very good. You might hurt yourself."
Your lips went into an O-shape as you realized what he was saying, and you couldn't help but feel embarrassed. You fully expected him to just walk away after that, but he spoke once more.
"I can help with some stretches if you'd like." He said. "I'm no personal trainer, but I know a thing or two."
"Oh...you'd do that?" You asked, trying to keep your voice steady as you inwardly fangirled, knowing that this was the perfect opportunity to get closer to the man you've been crushing on.
"Yeah, of course." He nodded, placing his water bottle down and coming closer, your heart beating a mile a minute. He gave you a sweet smile before he bent down to your level, and you got a close up look at his sweaty skin and well built arms, causing you to shiver in anticipation.
"See, when you're doing lunge stretches, you have to make sure your back is flat and your core is engaged so that you can keep your balance." He said, his voice soft, though the near emptiness of the gym made it seem as if he were loud and clear. He got into position beside you, showing off the proper way to stretch, and you followed suit.
Throught the stretches, you had learned that his name was Taehyun, and he was pretty flexible himself. You may have even purposefully made yourself seem incompetent in your stretches so that he wouldn't leave anytime soon. It was getting later and later, but you didn't want to go home - not yet.
"Hamstring stretches are a bit harder, as most people don't stretch for long enough." He informed you, gently pushing you onto your back. "How flexible are you?" He asked, helping you to hike your leg up. You were hyper aware of the feeling of his strong hands on you, and the change of position nearly made you dizzy.
"Uh, maybe moderately?" You spoke, clearing your throat in an effort to sound like your panties weren't starting to get damp.
"Moderately?" He chuckled with a slight tilt to his head. "We'll see about that then, yeah? Just tell me when it's too much." He said, his hand circling around your calf as he started to slowly push your leg up...up...and up.
You winced a bit, the stretch starting to get painful, but you were too distracted by how he placed his other hand right on your thigh.
"There you go." He encouraged, your leg straight up and pushed against his shoulder as he kneeled down in front of you. "How're you feeling? Think you can go a bit more?"
"I can definitely feel the stretch." You chuckled, your heartrate beating a mile a minute. "I think I can go further, though."
With that, he started to slowly push your leg up once more, your thigh almost touching your chest. "Hmm, you're pretty flexible, aren't you?" He spoke, and you don't know if it's the rising desire within you or not, but his voice was starting to sound more...intimate.
"I didn't...I didn't realize before now." You said, finding it hard to breathe.
"Good thing you have me here then, huh?" He smirked, the sight making your walls clench around nothing. He then started to slowly lower your leg before doing the same to the other one. Your breath hitched at the stretch, and you winced.
"Fuck..." You whispered, unable to keep it in.
"Just a bit more, you got it." He said, his whisper matching yours as he stretched you further. His torso pressed against your leg, and you couldn't help yourself from taking a peek down between your legs. Truthfully, you just wanted to make sure you didn't completely soak through your leggings, but instead, you got a glimpse of what Taehyun was packing. The dim light of the gym reflected on the bulge in his gym shorts, and you literally felt your heart beat in your clit.
You quickly looked back up, eyes slightly widening, just to see that he was making eye contact with you. There was a certain gleam in his eyes that told you that he knew exactly what you were looking at.
If that didn't tell you enough, then his next actions did.
Stretching your leg so that your thigh met your chest, he positioned himself so that he was pressing up against you, and your breath hitched once you felt his bulge directly press against your clothed heat.
Shit...he's so close.
"There you go..." He said, his voice dangerously lustful. "Now you're all stretched out for me."
You weren't exactly sure when the switch flipped, and at this point, you didn't care if you were soaking through your leggings or not. You weren't crazy, his voice definitely held some underlying tension there, and neither of you could hide from it.
"Now that you're all stretched out, you can work out safely, no matter how hard."
Next thing you know, your leggings were hanging off of one leg, and your panties were pushed to the side to accommodate for how Taehyun's girth was stretching you out in a completely different way.
Sweat dripped down the strands of his wet hair, and your leg was hiked up on his shoulder, ensuring that you had no way to hide from just how deliciously he was rocking his hips into yours.
It was a caconaphy of hushed moans, grunts and whimpers, the sounds of your bodies colliding. You but your lip harshly to try and silence yourself even though you were pretty sure the gym was empty at this time. Taehyun's cock ruthlessly massaged your g-spot with each thrust, and he groaned in ecstacy as your nails dug into his arms in order to brace yourself.
"Ah- ah- ah-" Staccato moans left your lips as your body jerked each time his tip slammed against that spot within you, his pelvis hitting your clit over and over again.
"Fuck, you're so tight." He groaned, his brows furrowed in concentration, solely focused on fucking you dumb on his cock.
A loud keen ripped from your throat as he slightly adjusted his positioning, his cock hitting so deep inside your fluttering walls. Your hips bucked up and your other leg lifted, the urge to close your legs and run away from the numbing pleasure growing greater.
"Nuh-uh." Taehyun tsked, shaking his head as he roughly spread your legs, his cock pushing deeper inside of you. "C'mon, you can take it. Take this cock." He grunted, gifting you with a particularly harsh thrust that had you reeling.
Your head fell back on the mat underneath you and your thighs shook. You could feel his cock throb inside of you, his low grunts only driving you closer to the edge. You then gasped loudly, your jaw dropping and your body tensing.
"C-cumming, I'm cum-" You stammered out, only to cut yourself off with a high pitched moan that would've been impossible for you to keep in. Your pussy walls clamped around Taehyun's thick shaft like a vice, and he felt like he was seconds away from absolutely losing it at the way your fucked out face contorted into barely concealed pleasure as you creamed all around his cock.
He wrapped his hands around your wrists, holding you down as he pumped faster, his balls tightening as he saw completion on the horizon. "Mmmh, that's it...cum on my cock just like- hah- that." He groaned, his jaw clenching as his blunt nails dug into your wrists, and before he knew it, he couldn't take anymore.
He was quick to pull out of your tight heat, which was almost painful, but that no longer mattered to him, because his hot, thick cum was spurting out of his glistening cock and onto your stomach. The hottest whine left his throat as he came down from his high, his chest heaving up and down, and his eyes darting down to your fucked out form.
A few minutes of comfortable silence passed, the only sound being the low volume of the music playing through the gym speakers and the sound of the both of you catching your breaths.
"Well, uhm..." He suddenly spoke, clearing his throat. You noticed that he was avoiding eye contact, and the tips of his ears were tinted red.
Was he...embarrassed?
You fought the urge to laugh as he continued.
"If you just, uh...do those stretches before every workout, you should be good to go." He said, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Thanks..." You spoke, your voice a bit hoarse. "For helping me stretch...and for the little present you gave me." You said, referring to his seed that was splattered across your stomach, seeping down to your belly button.
His eyes widened and he choked, almost as if he forgot that he had came on you.
"I'll...deal with that."
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neve gallus isn't actually a mean lady
Heavy spoilers ahead, tread carefully if you do not want to see spoilers for Dragon Age: The Veilguard, specifically related to Neve Gallus and Lucanis Dellamorte.
Neve Gallus isnât actually a mean lady.Â
Since the release of the game, it has become clear that most people have chosen to save Treviso, under the logic that there is no army or meaningful defense against a dragon. This is a fair decision. What is unfair is choosing Treviso because âMinrathous should be able to defend itself against a dragon.âÂ
The dragon attack was never the main event with Minrathous.
It was always a Venatori takeover. This isnât even metagaming, this is literally text presented when Neve and Lucanis are making their cases for their respective cities.Â
If you save Minrathous, Treviso is blighted. The Crows lose a number of key people. The market is a field hospital full of civilians with the blight. The fallout is awful. There are many, many casualties on your conscience.Â
If you save Treviso, Minrathous does not fall. The city is not top-down blighted. Infrastructure still functions in some places.
However, the Shadow Dragons are demolished, the sitting Archon is killed, and the well-established large Venatori presence results in hundreds of literally visible civilian corpses. There are cartloads of bodies on every corner. There are gallows erected in every neighbourhood. The number of slaver cages grows exponentially. The Viper, one of the primary symbols of hope in Dock Town, is blighted.
There is blood everywhere. Blood that is on your hands for making the choice to save Treviso.Â
The point of this decision is that there is no good or obvious option. Both options are devastating, especially for the companions impacted, who are both hometown heroes. Both are understandably very upset that the team they are a part of prioritized the other.Â
Most people choose to save Treviso. Most people have only seen Neve upset.Â
Neve is, understandably, a very guarded person. She has been a solo private investigator for most of her career. She lives alone in her little Dock Town apartment. She has contacts, sure, and some friends, but due to her line of work, connections are a liability that cannot go deeper than professionalism without putting people in harmâs way.
She has always, and will always, put Dock Town first, a priority that does not change based on Rookâs relationship to her. She does this because the Templar order, the Magisterium, and infrastructure of Minrathous have made it abundantly clear that they do not care about her impoverished hometown, or any of the people in it.Â
She is upset with you because you followed the same logical flow chart as all of the other people who should have helped.
I would be fucked up about it, too.
And after all of that, Neve is still open to repairing the relationship and tentatively exploring a romance with Rook.Â
Lucanis, on the other hand, is gregarious, charming, funny, and while he is a wildly different character to Zevran, for many people he seems to scratch a similar itch - a hot Antivan man who wants to hang out with you. He has strong feelings about making sure everyone is fed and cared for. He is a supportive friend. He looks out for the other members of the team. He is an objectively good man, and makes it obvious, especially if you already dig his vibe.
But, and this is a huge but, in the wake of a Minrathous prioritization, Lucanis disappears for the same amount of time.
His return is triggered by the same quest.
His comments about not being chosen are the same amount of venomous and sad.
He believes he is unable to count on Rook and the team until a similar point in the story. The second he arrives back in the Lighthouse, it becomes clear that he is no longer open to even considering a romance with Rook.
Neve feels like she is the only person looking out for the Minrathous underclasses, because based on the text, that is almost true. There are the Shadows (her affiliates), and the Threads (her contacts), and one Templar who isnât in the Shadows (shoutout to Templar Rana). It is made clear by the text.Â
If you choose to support the poor and enslaved population of Dock Town, Neve still has to do damage control, just like Lucanis does. She checks in with unhoused civilians and provides instructions for those who are unsafe to connect with the Shadows.Â
A Neve who is not hardened by Rookâs calls is kind, sweet. She goes on a mission to track down the unpublished sequel to Bellaraâs favourite serial. She then successfully tracks it down, and delivers it, complete with the authorâs artistic renderings of several characters. She helps Taash with their gender identity, supporting them and providing them with other safe people to talk to about it. She and Davrin make plans to set up shop together, to solve more problems. She is brusque but professional about Emmrichâs necromancy, but also gives Manfred a nickname. She regularly gets chastised by Davrin for giving Assan too many treats.
Sheâs self-proclaimedly not a lover of animals besides cats, but if you pet a cat while on her personal quests, she approves. She also explains that she probably would love animals more, but if theyâre âlarger than a cat, theyâre probably demonic.âÂ
If romanced, Neve expresses genuine fear that Rook will get hurt. She is concerned for her heart, but not because she doesnât love Rook. She is not afraid that Rook will leave her. She is afraid that proximity to her will get Rook killed.Â
Neve is, contrary to apparently popular belief, a nice fucking lady.Â
All of this is to say that there is an obvious, glaring difference between Neve and Lucanis, and I donât know if you can play spot-the-difference between them, but Neve is a brown woman, and Lucanis is a white/white-adjacent man. It probably isnât conscious on most peoplesâ parts, but the Dragon Age fandom has a long history of deprioritizing women, especially women of colour, in their cast lineups. Off the top of my head, see Vivienne, Isabela, and Josephine.
I have seen Neve called a bitch, a whiner, a baby, an asshole, for being justifiably upset that her city is in the exact state she told yâall it would be, in favour of âthe obvious choice,â Treviso.
The response from the community has been âbut obviously Minrathous could defend against a dragon.âÂ
Yes! Youâre right! It can! As I said earlier! But not quickly or effectively enough to prevent any public emergency level confusion that can be taken advantage of! Which was literally always the point!
You can pick Treviso for whatever reason you like. Being a Crow, loving Teia and Viago, loving the Venice vacation vibe, wanting the cuntiest casual clothing, preferring Lucanis. I donât actually care what you do.Â
But please, please, please, shut the entire fuck up about Neve being the only complainer in the party.Â
Sheâs just doing what sheâs always done. Sheâs the hero Dock Town has, will always have, and the hero Dock Town deserves.Â
#veilguard#datv#datv spoilers#neve gallus#neve gallus is a nice lady actually#dragon age lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age neve
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WHEN I TOUCH HER
Thomas Shelby x Reader
Summary: Tommy sees Y/N some time after breaking it off, she doesn't seem to notice him.. or does she?
A/N: Interact with the stories you read! It's important. Who wants something more tonight?:)
~~
People surely noticed, looking over curiously as several blinders entered the pub. Not making a ruckus of sort, slipping between other people in the fairly big crowd.
Some joined others by the table, greeting with wide grins those they know so well. Others, like John and Arthur came up to the bar, so much bigger than one in the Garrison. Three barmaids worked behind the counter, skillfully pouring all kinds of alcohol for the men in need. Known well among the people of Birmingham, they didn't have to call over to the working women to get what they came for. One of the barmaids handed over a full bottle of the finest Irish whiskey, receiving a good tip as the younger man left it on the counter, pushing it towards her with a wink.
Y/N, one of the barmaids didn't notice any of the Shelby brothers just yet, focused on the orders and techniques she taught herself so well. Tips were pouring like never before that night, as the rich guests consistently ordered more and more. A woman with such abilities was surely never seen before in any local club around here.
Night seemed to be coming to a head as the crowd slightly dispersed, giving her a much more clear view on the whole, rather massive, room. To say she saw him right away would be a lie, but Y/N could feel an intense gaze on her hands and face as she worked, cleaning up the glasses and wiping the counter down before finally looking up.
The man she avoided for over a month, more or less successfully stood there, hands stuffed in his pockets as he watched her from across the room. Despite the fact that this place was bursting at the seams, his gaze didn't falter as he watched her expression change, one much more bitter than the whiskey he held in his right hand.
âFuckâ Y/N sighed under her nose, internally rolling her eyes as she saw in her peripheral vision him slowly approaching.
Not giving him a chance to speak to her, Y/N turned around, wiping all the shelves behind her, keeping herself busy with anything, just so he wouldn't speak up. Involuntarily, the corner of her mouth raised slightly hearing his sigh of annoyance behind her back.
âY/Nâ Thomas said, sitting on one of the stools. He wasn't surprised with the way she was acting, not really, knowing the situation he put them in some time ago. âY/Nâ He repeated, a little louder before dropping the glass onto the counter, causing her to huff before finally facing him.
Taking in the sight of him, already sitting by the counter, Y/N realized he wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon.
âWhat the hell did I do to see you here today, Shelby?â Came out of her mouth as a greeting, her tongue effortlessly sharp as always before she cocked her eyebrow. âDon't you have whiskey in your own pub?â
Tommy looked at her for a moment, nodding lightly with an amused smile, causing her anger to simmer even harder.
âCame to see what all the noise's about, yeah?â He offered, pushing his empty glass forward, as in a silent order for a fill up. Without missing a beat she turned it upside down, slamming against the wood in front of him.
âUnfortunately we're closing soon. Find your way out, would you?â She said, smiling so nicely in such a fake manner, Tommy internally winced.
Letting out a sigh, he got up from his chair, leaning forward on his arms.
âDon't be like that,â He insisted, looking her in the eyes.
Tommy knew how this... The whole situation looked. Without knowing the details, it was messy and he was an asshole. Like always. When usually it didn't bother him much, Tommy couldn't shake this off. So aware of what was going on in her head about him.
âLike what?â She hissed, unable to hold back the anger she held in her fear for so many days now. âYou made your choice, now don't you dare come around in a state of boredom telling me what to do!â She stated sharply, a little louder than intended which brought the attention of one of her coworkers, Diana.
She came closer, tossing the rag aside as she eyed both Thomas and Y/N, before reaching out to touch her shoulder.
âEverything alright, hun? Is this man bothering you?â She offered, narrowing her eyes without dropping his gaze.
Hearing it, Tommy smirked lightly, highly amused with how... Fitting this environment was to Y/N's combative personality.
Are all of them that feisty?
Y/N sighed, shaking her head as she ran a hand through her hair.
âNo, Diana, it's fine he's just... A bloody idiot, he is.â She said, glaring at him before adding. âBut he's no threat. I'm fine. Get behind the bar, would you?â
After hearing an affirmative answer, Y/N grabbed a pack of cigarettes from under the counter, walking around it and heading through the door. Tommy stood there for a moment, with his eyebrows raised in surprise. Only when Diana narrowed his eyes at him, contempt clear as day in her eyes, he rolled his own before following after Y/N.
She didn't go far, as a cloud of smoke awaited him right by the entrance, in the slightly darker side of the building. Moving closer Tommy lit his own cigarette, the air around them much different as the scenery changed. The reality heaving on his heart as he saw her hardened face.
âY/N just let me say something, aye? If after that you decide you can't be arsed to talk to me, I'll leave.â He offered, the previous confidence and cockiness in his voice now gone. A long silence followed the echo of his low, husky tone while Tommy awaited her answer, standing nearby, yet not close enough.
Her hand was super still, eyes blank as she stared ahead for a moment.
âI simply don't understand why you're bothering me now, Shelby. It's been a couple weeks and you're suddenly back like a bloody boomerang.â Y/N made sure her voice was steady and confident as she spoke, knowing that she would be able to read her eyes, so the poor lighting was an advantage she was happily using.
He walked back and fourth a couple steps, smoking the cigarette before throwing it on the ground, stepping on it with the heel of his black, leather shoe.
âCampbell sent her to the Garrison. She came and sang, lied to us lot sayin' she's from Ireland.â Thomas finally spoke up, taking a step forward and keeping just the minimal, necessary distance he knew she needed. His eyes locked on her as best as he could in the dark, feeling her gaze as she hears his words. âBut Polly knew, saw her by the cut with 'im. Wore a hat, thought it would be enough to fool us.â a dry chuckle left his lips. âAfter a couple meetings she started spilling, believed I felt the same. Kept talkin' and I needed to have the full view before the races.â The explanation slowly started.. having sense. But not enough to calm her nerves fully.
âNo need to explain it all, no it's in the past.â She said, focusing on the black material of his tie, not looking at his face. âYou've had a long time to tell me, hell, to warm me you'd go 'round with a blonde on your arm, but you didn't. Now it'sâ not important.â Y/N said, involuntarily stuttering by the end of her sentence.
It was all... Hard. Hard on a different level. Before it all came to a head, it was all uncertain as well. He'd come, take her places or fuck her over the counter. He'd tell her things, but never enough to make it special. Keep his arm around her shoulders in the pub but never call her his. Y/N wasn't sure what was happening between them back then, but she liked it. Felt good around the man with blood on his hands and dimples in his cheeks. The casual flings turning into something she held dear to her heart, without trying to make it hard on him with confessions.
...but then she came around, taking all his attention. Leaving Y/N feeling like nothing important, like an underwhelming fuck he'd want to forget about.
Not calling, not talking, not coming to see her.
So she moved past it, and now he was back, suddenly scooting closer and getting ahold of her hands as she finished her cigarette, ripping her out of the dark thoughts.
âHe was watching you. Knew about us, I couldn't risk them taking you to jail. Not after Arthur came back barely walking.â His voice was stern, more desperate now as he saw what seemed to be indifference in her eyes. âLook at me, Y/Nâ He asked, quieter, and this worked.
It always did when he talked to her gently, using the soft tone he hasn't used with anyone else. So she looked, seeing the sadness in his eyes.
âI'm looking, Thomas. It's a lot.â She admitted, her teeth nipping on her lower lip nervously.
âI know.â He responded, leaning down for a better look on her eyes. âToday were the races. I was supposed to take her with me so she'd sing all the missing bits into my ear.â Tommy added, his voice growing husky, breathing more ragged.
âWhy the hell would you tell me that now?â She asked, frustrated with his weird tactics, jealousy gnawing on her throat. Thomas smiled lightly, not noticeably seeing it.
âBecause I didn't take her. Made sure she's gone for good.â Y/N's eyes widened in surprise, her eyes meeting his as she searched for the truth. He was honest. Another step closed the distance between them, his firm chest pressing lightly against her own before he leaned forward, caging her between the wall. Calloused fingers gripped her chin, tilting her head up so she wouldn't look away.
Oh, how he missed the way she looked at him. These deep, expressive eyes he grew to yearn after whenever she wasn't around.
âBecause when I touched her...â Tommy whispered, moving even closer. His warm breath touching her lips and chin. âIt felt like I was cheating on you.â His forehead came to rest against hers, feeling how she slightly relaxed against his body. âI couldn't risk putting you in danger just because I so desperately need you around, Miss Y/L/N. You must forgive an old fool, eh?â His low voice slightly muffled, as his lips moved against hers in the incredibly close proximity they found themselves in.
Y/N chuckled, hearing him. The tears in her eyes remain hidden from his watchful gaze only because of the awful lighting by the pub.
âYou're awful, Shelby.â She finally breathed out, leaving a small kiss, almost a peck on his lips before pushing her arms beneath his coat, wrapping them around his torso. âHug me, Tommyâ Y/N asked quietly, touching the terrain they never explored before. The simple intimacy with no sexual undertones.
Surprisingly, Tommy couldn't imagine a better ending to this encounter as his arms wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her face into his neck.
Resting his chin on her head, Thomas knew he was the real winner, regardless of the race results.
#cillian murphy#tommy shelby#cillian murphy smut#cillian murphy x reader#thomas shelby#tommy shelby smut#tommy shelby dark#peaky blinders#tommy shelby fluff#tommy shelby x reader#thomas shelby dark#thomas shelby smut#thomas shelby x reader#tommy
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Breaking down Castlevania Nocturne Season 01 - Episode 04 "Bedroom scene" (almost) shot by shot!
Breaking down episode 06 / Breaking down episode 08
(Word count 6.3k I am so sorry HAHAHA)
I was heavily considering not going through episode 04 mostly due to being in the public eye but I like talking about shows I enjoy, regardless if my writing is shitty or not. By the way, the title says almost go through this shot by shot only because there's a 30-image limit. This scene is LONG so I can't catch everything but I can catch most.
By the way, before we start, a massive huge thank you to the Nocturne people, i don't think they'd read this, but if they do, all the scenes are really well crafted and interweave soooo nicely to their next point of interaction. I would love to know everyone who worked on this section, but if not I do hope they hear my utmost thanks and applause from all the way from Australia.
(Actually, just everyone who worked on Nocturne take a standing ovation from me lol, the show actually changed my life lmao, but I digress)
To introduce people who may be reading my analyses for the first time:
I implore you to rewatch Nocturne after reading this and make your own thoughts because while this is an analysis, it also comes through my own lens. These are just my thoughts and by no means end-all-be-all!
These are just observations based on my special interest and study in the field of in media production and analysis (i haven't been in that field for a while but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things HAHAHA)! Despite all of that, this is for fun, which is why I will be writing a lot more casually, so please don't take this too seriously! This not only helps me out as a student to become aware of how stories are put together and, in turn, how to apply them and make my own, but it also allows me to impart that excitement to you! Shot choices matter, especially when you have only 8 episodes, a deadline, a budget, asset restrictions, and so on. It all has to count. Everything matters.
Passionate creatives care and there is more than "the curtain is blue just because." The times when things slip under the radar and are put there just because are mostly due to executive meddling, budget restrictions, and deadlines.
With that said, this is actually a lot more thicker than previous breakdowns, WHOOPS. So please feel free to read this in chunks, and I will warn you that my grammar is not the best so you might have to bear with me here! As a warning, I will be using the words like sex, genitalia, etc. I only mention the actual acts of sex when presented as a joke.
--
Why am I putting in this last close shot of Tera? It is important because the whole scene beforehand has us mentally prepared for a fight or something a lot more action-like. The walls behind Tera and Olrox's room are REALLY similar, therefore once we see this inn room, we make a split-second assumption we're jumping forward in time with the protagonist. A picture says a thousand words.
Right up until the Olrox and Mizrak scene, our protagonist and antagonists both have very distinct places of associations and visuals, which often give the audience clues about their roles. They're established immediately from episode 01 and don't divert that line, that is until inn room. You can argue the line waivers in the courtyard, but the distinction is made REALLY clear in this episode.
The main cast, aka our protagonists, their places of association are usually amongst nature and people. If they're inside buildings, it is small cramped space, very much lived in and not completely upkept BUT it is what makes them very human. Our antagonists are associated with grand buildings and detailed windows that almost touch the ceiling. Gold trimmings. Vibrant rich colours that could only be afforded by the rich. If not the massive chateau, we have larger-than-life catholic churches, with stone walls higher than the eye can see. Our antagonists are congregations and establishments. Our protagonists are individuals.
I'd love to put some examples but I've used up my image slots, which means I'm making you rewatch (jokingly you don't have to) Nocturne from ep1-ep4 making you really conscious of the backgrounds
We as an audience have already slotted Olrox with with high-class, even though we as an audience know there's more to him. Olrox is designed with visual cues of the antagonists. His clothes literally could be wallpaper for the chateau. Not only that, the way he stands and holds himself very much leans into some of the stereotypes and tropes of the upper class that are often shoved into the media we consume. Then Mizrak, we do not see Mizrak anywhere besides the church, just strictly following the commands of the Abbott. We as an audience already have preconceived notions about religion, especially catholicism in the real world. Also, we have an established view of how Castlevania goes about religious characters from the previous series. Mizrak appears to have no other purpose but to be one of the main antagonist's guards.
This is a subversion.
Subtly this is going to tell us there is so much more with Mizrak and Olrox, and how their values align more with the protagonists rather than the villains and antagonists of the show. However, since they already began as oppositions to Richter and co, they need to earn the trust of the audience first so then they become more likable whenever they do have to earn the trust of Richter and co. This is our first building block. A step towards trust towards us and a step towards trust between Mizrak and Olrox.
(The location of their private conversations is REALLY important because they also tell us a lot about the characters, but I'll save it for the ep 3 breakdown when I get to it)
The sequencing and length of these shots are really important for the first half of the bedroom scene because we have exposition to get through. The scene has to be set out very strong from the start BUT, it also has to ease us in because this is a drastic shift, not only visually with naked characters but also a shift on the audience's expectation of already established characters. This is why we need this window first. We need to ease into this bedroom scene, or else we're going to be way too distracted by what is about to be shown.
Going forward SOME of these will be gifs to help illustrate my point. After all this is an animation! This is really important to show you in motion.
This pan down, oh my god this pan down. Camera pans help to reveal new information off-camera or to showcase a shift in tone/perspective. Suffice it to say THAT IS A LOT OF INFORMATION and a new shift in tone. This long shot is here to help establish our setting more clearly, what characters we're following, and what is happening. What are we establishing here? Mizrak and Olrox had sex in an inn room, that's all this shot is. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, other than the fact Olrox is censoring his own and Mizrak's crotch but that's it. As simple as it is, it is extremely effective. Yet it's so pulled back and obscured by the flower we can't be completely certain which is why we need the midshot of them that follows after, which helps to continually ease us into the scene. It tells us so much with so little. Show, don't tell is not only a powerful tool in visual arts. It leaves the audience to their imagination and I'm pretty sure a lot of us can fill in the gaps (I see you writers, I've seen everything on AO3).
This a midshot of Mizrak blankly staring up at the ceiling. Then they both turn to each other before Mizrak leaves and Olrox watches. In silence.
It's simple.
It's straightforward.
It makes you throw your arms up and go "what the fuck is happening???" It works. We're easing into this scene which is what we need. We're distracted by our own shock. So we've gone from our establishing the bed to establishing in our faces that, yes, it is indeed Olrox and Mizrak and they are both naked. That yes, they had sex and that Mizrak decided to stay for the night. Reasons? No clue and it's not important plot-wise, we just need to wrap our heads around that it is THESE TWO. It needs to be simple.
The lack of dialogue gives us room to breathe and to think. This is why this shot feels and holds on for what feels like a long time, in silence.
It might've changed but last I recall on average, shots will hold for 2-3 seconds. This is due to preventing the audience loose interest because the unchanging visual stimuli (and let's be frank attention spans are shortening, therefore media will change to reflect that). HOWEVER, a shot length heavily depends on the context of the scene and what you're trying to specifically say with a single shot, therefore making it super short OR super long. This one shot is six seconds. It allows for the dramatics to be amped up and it allows us to get through our shock for a bit longer since we're only TWO SHOTS into this scene, and right after this we're jumping straight into exposition and their deeply intricate dynamic. This is out six seconds to scream our heads off in shock and laugh in disbelief before we get hit with Mizrak's existential crisis.
The silence and the simplicity of it all also strengthen their mysterious characterization that has been established in episodes 01-03. We never see how they got here OR the act itself. However, what is really telling of these characters is their lack of body language and facial expressions. From episodes 01-03, Mizrak and Olrox have been seen to be very reserved characters until their fight in the courtyard. Their last scene together was fighting, in a courtyard. Now we're seeing them, post-sex, with neutral expressions and body language? The lack of any answers, the lack of anything dynamic happening from this shot and the last shot makes the audience absolutely learn for an answer. We're now invested in this side plot. What got these two men to be in this vulnerable state? How do we get the answer? We sit, we wait, we watch that vulnerability get earned. Mutual vulnerability that is.
This gets into personal opinion here so feel free to skip, but I really really enjoy how we get absolutely no answer or visuals, which might be a strange take for someone who does of fan-anims and fanart of them coughcough. We as an audience can get through literally two images and understand they had sex. We don't need to be spoon-fed. Media is in my personal opinion is more fun to engage in where we get just enough to know what going on, but we can fill in the blanks ourselves. We can read between the lines. This is adult animation. This is not to say I'm opposed to an explicit scene with them later down the line, I just think this is a very good way to establish the dynamic they are going to have. It has me way more emotionally invested in these characters which I believe is far more important because it tells me we're in it for the long haul and we're going to see a relationship actually develop in real time, both their high points and pitfalls. Also, I personally feel this whole scene is building towards something we have yet to see. I do not believe this is the last time we will see them put in a situation like this due to the whole emotional weight of them being naked, but that's theory territory LOL. I'm so happy to be proven wrong though.
This long shot is slightly tilted up to help to censor genitalia but it is again a REALLY SHOCKING SHOT. I personally don't know any recent Western animated media that has done this, especially of a male couple. Even if there are some animated examples, this is not a very common thing, especially to this extreme.
Now we're actually getting into the meat of their actual discussions, knowledge, if you will.
By the way, the question Olrox is presenting, is already information everyone knows. Actually, a better word is presumed. We saw the abbot in episode 02. Olrox explicitly states it in episode 03, asking "Why is your abbot forging Night Creatures for the Vampire Messiah?" There's technically no reason to say this BUT for this scene, it works because we're still distracted visually. We still need to ease into this, much like how Olrox needs to ease himself into this conversation before getting what he wants truly. Mizrak's opinion.
This midshot of Mizrak's back is so much important then you think.
I can be wrong, but I feel like you're supposed to be half-distracted or get whiplash by Mizrak's back. Frankly, we're supposed to get major whiplash from these two characters naked for a moment. These characters are usually completely covered from the neck down. This also makes the conversation they're having to be put under a way different lens. If they were clothed for this entire scene, the emotional weight would almost be non-existent.
Nakedness/lack of clothes is vulnerability, especially for a knight. Especially for a guarded vampire. I will be talking A LOT about vulnerability, so I hope I don't wear out the word too much.
You can perceive this shot in two ways and I think both work in this scenario. It can showcase even when naked and vulnerable, his unwillingness to open up, unable to fully face his own truths, the truths Olrox lays out for him. Yet, you're also having your back to a vampire, a perceived threat, which is a very vulnerable position to be in. You can't see your opponent.
It shows Mizrak trusts Olrox physically, but not emotionally. Not yet. We're going to watch Olrox earn it and for Mizrak to reciprocate it back throughout the series. Also just in general, sex requires vulnerability, choice AND trust, therefore even the implication of sex, those meanings get slapped down onto these characters. It means that they have the means to trust, be vulnerable, and have a choice with each other physically, but emotionally, they're building up to that.
This medium shot will be the ONLY SHOT we get of Mizrak in his boxers. This is plainly in part of the fact he's hurriedly getting dressed BUT we need to see his hesitation, him slightly lowering his clothes, him actually listening to Olrox.
Olrox is right.
Though Olrox isn't here to converse about other people to Mizrak. He wants his opinion.
Close-up shot of Olrox!
Close-ups are used to make the facial expression of a character the main focus. It gives us clarity on the character's thoughts and feelings on a particular subject, even when lying it can already tell us a lot about a character in the moment. The character themselves are the sole focus of the shot, nothing else. The same goes for objects. This also means when you do the opposite and obscure the face...
(drum roll to the next shot)
This is a great close-up shot to cut to because this has Mizrak fully turn AWAY from Olrox, put on his armor, and paired with the line "I don't know what you're talking about." We're getting visual and audio confirmation that Mizrak does not want to acknowledge his own thoughts, in turn, he will not face Olrox and the audience.
He is actively putting his guard back up as soon as Olrox prods for his opinions. From episodes 01-04, all we have seen him do is be at the church and stand alongside Emmanuel, that's it. He is not a leader, a pillar of the community like the Abbot, he is a follower. A guard dog ( like Drolta Tzentes, though she has way more personal agency than Mizrak). He never voices his own opinion, his own thoughts. To do that would need you have the strength to be
VULNERABLE!
By this point in time, he's not fleshed to the same degree as most of the other characters. Richter gets the episode 01 prologue with Olrox being his main point of trauma. Tera gets her speaker backstory fleshed out along with establishing Drolta and Ezerbet's longstanding history. Annette and Edouard get a really well-established (btw beautifully done too oh my god) flashback as Annette recounts the past. While Maria has no flashbacks, her character gets to have her individual values and attitudes fleshed out due to her screen time and her connections to Richter and Tera.
Mizrak though?
Not much is known about him besides the church. We put this label on him simply due to what the show has given us, but through Olrox we're getting information out of him because clearly Olrox has seen there's more than meets the eye. Especially when Mizrak drops the line "when the world abandons you." Olrox's investment is also now our investment in discovering who Mizrak is.
Mizrak however, does not want to get personal feelings in the way of duty, a common trope in media for knights, soldiers, and religious people. So he shuts him out.
Multiple.
Times.
This shot pans up, moving Olrox from lying down, which is more casual to more structured sitting pose. Specific movement is IMPORTANT to capture, so instead of just cutting to another shot, you move the camera with it. There's a tone shift. We need to see him go from lounging to making a very direct statement. Mizrak is ignoring his question so Olrox has to be more blunt with his statement because he needs him to listen- so the camera and the his body language have to clearly state "I'm not joking or fucking around anymore, just listen."
What he says is absolute truth though, this is exactly what happens in episode 08. "They're revolutionaries, Father. We're here to crush them."
The stark difference here is crazy in this medium shot.
Mizrak. His head is purposely cut off, he's practically clothed, with his chain mail on. He's standing up and his posing is quite stiff with his hands almost balled into fists. You also might be thinking, why is his chest and boxers the only things we see???? It makes him appear so much more clothed up and, therefore a lot more guarded. Cutting off the face means we don't get to see his emotions, he's trying to ignore personal feelings on whether it's right or not.
Olrox on the other hand, is full body, we see his face, naked, and despite his very direct statement in the last shot, he still somewhat casually sitting. Olrox is STILL trying to get Mizrak to be vulnerable and trying to get HIS opinion.
Funnily enough, I've talked about this close up shot before in BOTH episode 06 and episode 08's breakdowns. However, I've never actually discussed this initial way Olrox approaches him.
Olrox again, prods at Mizrak and this time Mizrak does have to sit with that thought. "Do you think he's right?" "Are you sure this path is right?" He's asking if what Mizrak is doing is good. If the horrors committed are justifiable. Both the way their expressions tell us that Mizrak does not think it is, and Olrox KNOWS. This close-up is INTIMATE. We're getting deep into personal matters (well try)
Side profiles not only give an air of drama to a scene, but it usually means there's more to the bigger picture since we're not seeing a person's full face. We're deliberately only seeing one side of the picture.
This is a split-second shot and I've discussed it briefly in another breakdown, but now I can get to discuss it more in-depth now as it's own shot!
This is a top-down shot, putting these characters in a place of vulnerability and weakness. Olrox is put even lower than Mizrak in this shot, he's far smaller and takes up less space in this shot, therefore giving him less presence and less power. Episode 03 had established Olrox was the man (or should I say vampire) in control of the situation, hell, the shot just before this one had Olrox wrapping around Mizrak, again trying to get under his skin. Yet now he's suddenly placed the lowest in the power dynamic.
Not only this, the camera is packed in so tightly and close, it's practically suffocating. We have no visual room to breathe, almost like we're suffocated with the evil that prevails in the world and suffocated with the weight of the question "Are you sure this path is right?". Olrox's eyes are the only aspect we see of his face and Mizrak's eyes are the main focus of this shot.
And they both look horrifically sad. An emotion we have not seen either of these characters make.
This shot does not last long but it shifts the rest of the section completely, even when the moment of concern is gone. It lingers with us when dismissed because it does not match any other scene we've had thus far or what we have known of the characters.
This one specific close-up is very important because it comes back to us in episode 08 and episode 06.
It's the holding from behind and the very concerned look from behind. Mizrak only ends up mirroring ONE of the behaviors. It's the concerned look from behind in episode 06 (timestamp is 19:25). They're put at the same heights, both talking about the evils of the world. Tin foil hat here, Mizrak may end up doing the other behavior, holding from behind, in another season.
The weight of this shot is so heavy that it is treated so differently amongst all of the other shots in this entire interaction. It also holds on for much longer. It holds for 5 seconds. This is important. There are little character moments from Olrox, like how Olrox looks up at him and he holds onto Mizrak as long as he can before has has to let go and watch him walk away. Duty, before desire.
A moment that Olrox has to go through once again for episode 08.
In response to a line. "So we use our heads." Olrox jokingly goes "Or lose them."
This long shot is not only tilted up but it's on the slightest of angles as if to showcase how we're shifting the mood and tone of the scene. We are losing the gentleness and sincerity of the moment, back to the very conveniently placed knee to censor Olrox. We have Mizrak pulling up his pants. Whatever vulnerability they had, it's gone.
I don't think either of them wants to sit in the thought of their existential crisis because not only Mizrak is clearly going through one but Olrox is too. While I'm sure they were sitting with their own thoughts for a long while before meeting each other, it's only forced to be on the forefront and confronted after meeting each other.
So the "lose our heads" line ends up coming back around to where someone actually ends up losing their head in the same episode.
While first, it is very comical because I've seen so many people make the joke of "Olrox gave Mizrak head" (which doesn't help because Olrox smirks at him after passing him the head), it also solidifies Olrox's truths to Mizrak. People will lose their heads under Ezerbet, and there is evidence not even hours after their discussion. Despite the humor, Olrox is deeply concerned.
Olrox is always right. Whenever he makes a statement, he has always been right and has always been proven right. The only thing he hasn't been right about is episode 08 when he says "If you go back, she'll kill you." However, in terms of technicality, Mizrak hasn't gone back to Ezerbet/Sekmet. This will be addressed in season 02 most likely and even then I think Olrox will be proven wrong. Maybe? We shall see LOL.
Which while we're at it:
He eyes Mizrak the ENTIRE time during this very small interaction, and while he eyes him, we get a close-up of the book somewhat revealed before hiding it under his coat- silently communicating to him. This will eventually lead to episode 06. All interactions lead to effecting the next time they meet. I just really like this detail, though that might be a corn plate moment I'm not sure HAHAHA
Ok lets jump back to the bed scene!
So this follows up the "So we use our heads." "Or lose them."
This is said insincerely, so Mizrak jabs back at him with the same insincereity and less seriousness of this scene. Coupled with the fact we have a panning shot of Mizrak pulling his pants up, aka, pulling up his guard. Important note again- his back is STILL FACING HIM. Even with the chainmail fully covering him.
Also, I just really enjoy the animation here, like the way his arm goes from in front of him and straight, and then goes to being pulled back and bent, but that's a side tangent.
Low-angle tilted down shot. It ends up placing Olrox in a lower position of power than Mizrak in this current interaction, coupled with the fact that Mizrak towers over Olrox when he's standing up.
Despite us not seeing much of Mizrak besides his chest- he's fully clothed with his tunic FACING Olrox. While Olrox is STILL naked. Mizrak is shielding himself behind the cross. His faith. Olrox still is trying to delve into Mizrak's vulnerabilities and Mizrak won't give in.
Props to everyone who worked on this shot he just looked really pretty here.
This shot is tilted up and a close-up, an opposite shot to the previous one. It feels daunting, coupled with that line especially. Unlike a tilted-down shots, which make a character appear more vulnerable and weak, a tilted-up shot can make a character feel more in control of the scene. It makes him appear unwavering and solid in his stance Also, this is so specific but we haven't had any solely focused Mizrak shots for a hot moment now. The last time we had it was when he had his back turned to Olrox- now he has all his clothes on and is fully turned towards Olrox. Say it with me !! Mizrak's guard is up !! He's shielding his vulnerability !!
He feels way more emotionally safer to face him guarded up and a lot of his language has very very subtly shifted from when he had clothes on versus off.
Also thank you to everyone who worked on this shot, Olrox is very pretty here too.
Instead of having a tilted-down shot to do a verse version of Mizrak, it's pretty much straight forward close-up shot, which means the equal power dynamic in this conversation has returned. Simply because Olrox begins to prod at Mizrak again with the line "Who pays for it? Will you?"
Oop naked Olrox. However, despite Olrox's ass being very clearly on display, he's not the main focus since his face isn't shown. He's only here to showcase the visual contrast of him being naked to a fully clothed Mizrak. Even his dagger is strapped to his thigh, which only means there's even more layers to his protective bubble he surrounds himself in.
This close-up is important because it's a declaration of how much Mizrak doesn't care in the slightest. His facial performance, aka what we're focused on, doesn't look like he's lying or secretly worried either, he's genuinely disinterested. He just wants to get dressed and leave because Olrox keeps prodding at HIM for his opinions. As disinterested as he is for whatever Olrox has to say, he's disinterested in shedding his opinion.
This midshot is so casual. He is very non-nonchalantly leaning back with a smile and jokes about demons. The camera moves with Olrox. Camera pans normally mean revealing new information visually, as if something is off camera, similar to the bed reveal at the beginning of this whole scene. What Olrox is doing is revealing new information. Also, he is on the very right of the screen then slowly gets pushed a little more towards the center, but still on the right. Having a character placed on the very cusp of a stage makes the visual balance feel really off, therefore as an audience, we feel really off-balance. So couple that with Olrox's humourous attitude with an information dump...
This so interesting because it sprinkles in that Olrox knows a lot about the forge master ability, hell itself, and a lot more we don't get privy to. He knows way more then he lets on.
This ONE LINE gets three different shots. The very casual, humorous sentiment gets interrupted visually with extreme close-ups of Mizrak who is clearly peeved and tense about this. The quick succession of jumping to different images makes us tense up. This is due to the timing suddenly speeding up AND where the camera is placed is so drastically different.
He's reacting to the conversation unlike how he has before.
Now Mizrak's hands are fully covered, the last part of his skin, the last part that Olrox used in an attempt for vulnerability. Mizrak's guard is now unwavering, covered head to toe. He's gone from reserved and quiet to angrily guarding again.
Lol you thought I was done talking about divides and boxes, you are WRONG.
Mizrak is boxing himself into all his preconceived notions of religion. This is the only time he's been aligned inside of the door frame. Mizrak is done with this conversation and he doesn't want to hear anything else.
Also, funnily enough- Olrox takes up the amount of space in this shot as to Mizrak and the door. Compositional it does make it feel more filled up rather than empty, showcasing Olrox is listening, peeved, but he is listening. It also might hark onto the Olrox God connections that are being subtly slid to us, though this feels like a slight stretch. There's a stronger Olrox God parallel I talk about later, so pocket that thought!
I have to skip some of the shots because of the image limitation, but thought this one needed to be addressed!
Not only does this wide shot make us feel really pulled away and disconnected from whatever private conversation they were having. It also makes us feel like after this interaction, whatever same understanding they had, is gone (well not completely gone, it has to be rebuilt again). Mizrak's unrelenting faith in one God is causing a rift, a divide if you will between the both of them. They feel so separated, so distant from each other because Mizrak is still really stubborn.
Then after all is said and done. After Mizrak has the final say. He leaves and Olrox watches. Like episode 08. Again.
Olrox is pushed into a box, which funnyily enough, Olrox tends to be seen in a lot of boxed-up framing to the right of the screen. You can see a visual collection of it here. Whenever he's from the left of the screen boxed up, it's usually turned towards himself like an inner reflection.
Ok, I have to skip some more shots to get to here.
"One God. And you think he can protect you?"
This is major foreshadowing but the one God, that Olrox scoffs about is himself. This close-up solely focuses on how he looks down and watches Mizrak from above. Much like how God is described in scripture.
Psalm 53:2 NIV: God looks down from heaven on all mankind to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.
Psalm 102:19 NIV: The Lord looked down from his sanctuary on high, from heaven he viewed the earth,
Olrox looking at Mizrak from above as a protector happens numerous times in episode 08.
There are also a ton of bible verses about living under the shadow of God, it's considered a positive thing because God's shadow covers the entire body, therefore a person is fully protected.
Psalms 91:1-2 NIV: Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, âHe is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.â
Psalm 36:7 ESV: How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
(i do realize now all my examples are psalms i hope that's ok to prove a point LOLOL)
Olrox is the sole protector of Mizrak to the point where he even drags him away for his own safety. The shot choice when he says it is a close-up shot of his face and his eye is slightly glowing, making him appear way more supernatural, almost god-like in a way.
It hasn't been confirmed (or denied for that matter) if Olrox's creature form is the Quetzalcoatl (an Aztec deity), but the god parallels are very apparent from the get-go, and a lot of the fandom (aka the audience) who are invested in Castlevania have placed this label onto him not only for the reasons mentioned above BUT also due to his association to Mizrak, who is a man who fights for God. However, this aspect doesn't get fleshed out like their vulnerability because Olrox only goes into this protector role at the very end of the season. After all, that is when he has a change of heart, much like Mizrak. This means this will not be the last time we will see Olrox in this role even after the break-up.
To wrap this up, vulnerability as showcased in episode 04 does appear in episodes 03, 06, and 08! I personally believe though that episode 04 however really hammers you on the head with it because you're able to play around with someone's literal nakedness as a visual metaphor. This episode is supposed to make you really conscious of them and the decisions they decide to make going forward. It is the bridging point between episode 03 and episode 06. It's a stab in the heart when you watch episode 08.
Vulnerability and the ability to open up is a massive thing between these characters and it's only going to get more raw and more human as the series goes on. We see it happen when Olrox is the one to open up first. One thing I noticed from both Castlevania and Castlevania: Nocturne is that love can be the most damning thing or it can save you. The choice, however, is up to you. However, to love is choosing to be vulnerable. By the way, love isn't just romantic it can be very much platonic and familial as seen with practically all the characters, both current and past... Olrox and Mizrak though are just really complicated and messy. Aren't all characters though? Isn't that what makes them human, even if they've lost it centuries ago? HAHAHASBDHADSB
(ok so the paragraphs below is my personal opinion but i think they're a good ending note/side tangent)
If we ever actually get an explicit scene it's going to make a specific commentary on how these characters have developed from season 1 to whatever season they have sex in, especially how they go about sequencing, pacing, and shot choices, especially with Netflix censoring and rating requirements. Limited things you can show, and limited things you're allowed to even imply, so everything has to make sense to what they want to portray AND say. Even simplicity requires a lot of thought. They can do some really cool stuff with it in which vulnerability, both physical and emotional, gets explored between Olrox and Mizrak. Sex is actually a very interesting way to explore a dynamic, I feel it's really underutilized, though it's mostly in part to a societal downpour view on it. With Mizrak and Olrox, two very withdrawn characters, you could say something really interesting about them as individuals and as a pair that you might not be able to do when clothed. The commentary may be as simple or as profound as the creatives behind this want it to be.
A counterpoint though is that you can very easily make a non-explicit scene feel really explicit and sensual without sex or kissing. While yes, we want confirmation through that means, don't get me wrong I love when queer love is straight-up told to us, there's something about telling a story of intimacy between characters that will often engage us first into a story. Phrases like "This is gayer than gay sex" are coined due to the emotional connection a character has, leaving a far more profound impact on an audience. Things like non-explicitly romantic touches like hands, the way the character looks at a person, communication, etc etc, are ways countless media have explored intimacy. Which Mizrak and Olrox already have. Why not build upon a solid foundation?
Whatever the pathway is, it will fit inside the themes of Nocturne and its aspects of revolution, freedom, and choice which is crazy to think "Olrox and Mizrak intimate scene??? meaning-" YES, it can (like sexual freedom, though I don't think it would be explored, it's just cool to think about). All of their scenes serve to strengthen those show's themes since they're a side plot. But I digress! I'm excited to see how they further Mizrak and Olrox's dynamic in a visual manner!
Okay, with that all said, I'm done with episode 04! One more episode to go! This was all for fun and to be silly about a show I really enjoy, but I hope this gets you to rewatch Nocturne! Apply this to other scenes! Enjoy the craft of animation!!
#mystery talks#mizrak#olrox#i didnt think it would be THIS LONG??????#long post#olrox/mizrak#analysis#geniune yap session my bad everypony i hope u enjoy ur morning reading
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I wish Jimmy wasn't a static villain, but I'm glad he wasn't. It's terrifyingly interesting to watch this man crumble underneath the weight of his mistakes. Kinda wanna put him in a blender.
Jimmy resents Curly for not being satisfied with the ideal life that he [Jimmy] could never achieve on his own. A life style that we all are told are the marks of success, but we have to break our backs and trudge through mud to even get a glimpse of and it's not even what most people want or need. Jimmy bought into the golden standard he believed Curly achieved and tried to mimic him. But Curly, a captain shaped by the greedy corporate powers that be, is only a facade of a captain. A mirage that disappears when you get closer, but Jimmy is delusional as fuck so he taped that mirage to his forehead and kept chasing it like his life depended on it.
In his eyes I guess it did.
Jimmy's relationship with Pony Express is weird as fuck, but I think it makes sense if Jimmy attaches so much importance to it because it influences his life so much. Curly, Jimmy's golden ideal, gives him a chance to escape his "rough life" with Pony Express and climb up the ladder to achieve that golden standard for himself. Pony Express is such a shitty ladder though, with its lackluster policies and disregard for their employees and working conditions but Jimmy holds on because it's his lifeline. As a a pilot he gets to take control of his life. It's not easy and it's far from ideal but it's better than home, so he makes it his home. One things that you do when you're home is get comfortable enough to shit in it.
Jimmy rapes Anya on the Tulpar. On the job for Pony Express. He did it at least 2 out of 11 months in, because Anya notes that there are eight months left on the ship to Curly and we know she knew she was pregnant by then. I don't know why he did it, I cannot fathom what compelled him to allow himself that impulse but he did it. In doing so he planted the seed for the life he wanted to achieve that would strip it from him before he even accomplishes it and it grows out of his control.
Let's rewind a bit. Curly revealing to the crew that Pony Express was going down and laying them off was essentially heaven closing the gate on Jimmy with a nice helping of spit on his face. It was bad news for everyone, but woooow Jimmy took it real personal after the talk he had with Curly about a week(?) before. About leaving Pony Express for something more fulfilling. Jimmy put two and three together to make four and accused Curly of being happy with this outcome and leaving them behind for a more satisfying life while everyone else is left with nothing to show for their struggles working for the company. We know that's not true, but Jimmy is essentially witnessing his golden ideal, who handed him this fool's gold of an opportunity to achieve the golden standard, close the very door he opened after telling Jimmy that he doesn't even like said door. Jimmy loses it and lashes out.
(... you know... that might be why Jimmy did... all that. If they got the news before he ever assaulted Anya Jimmy didnt have too much to lose that he hadnt lost already, so why not take control however he can and feel good.) Ah fuck, wait, no. Shit... fuck!
If Jimmy raped Anya because Pony Express is going down and Polle represents Anya and/or the unborn baby... im not even sure where Im going with this but if he raped Anya cuz he felt cheated of the ideal life (one that typically says you need a spouse and kids) I will put myself in the cryopod with Curly. Im not saying he did it to start a family, but as a means of taking whatever slice of cake he can before it all goes to shit.
I said all that to explore why Jimmy cracked so hard but now I feel like I unearthed something and I dont know how I feel about it. Ack!
I dont know if I need to make this clear, but I am not excusing his actions. I'm trying to get into his head. Turning him over to see what made him tick the way he did. It's fun.
Edit: i did a follow-up reblog that sums it up better
#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#tw sa mention#mouthwashing analysis
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̤̎ âË â
ᥣđŠĘGrateful Hearts & Thanksgiving StartsÉ̤̎â˘â§âË â
âĄ
YOSHIËËË: OMG I wrote so!!!!! much hope you guys like ittt!!
word count: 1130
paring:non idol jake x non idol y/n
---___ â˘á´â˘ ___--- â˘á´â˘ ---___ â˘á´â˘ ___--- â˘á´â˘ ---___ â˘á´â˘___--- â˘á´â˘ ---___
I could feel my heart racing in my chest as I stood in front of Jakeâs house, the crisp autumn air brushing against my cheeks. The leaves were turning shades of gold and red, a perfect fall day to be surrounded by family. Jake had been talking about introducing me to his parents for a while, but this was differentâit was Thanksgiving dinner.
The pressure of meeting his family felt heavier than usual. Thanksgiving was one of those holidays that meant a lot to people. It was about family, warmth, and gratitude, and I couldn't help but feel a little nervous. Would they like me? What if I didn't fit in?
Jake squeezed my hand, his comforting touch grounding me in the moment. He could probably feel my nervousness, and with that signature smile of his, he reassured me, "Donât worry, Y/N. My parents are going to love you. Plus, Iâve been telling them so much about you. Theyâre already excited to meet you.â
I took a deep breath and nodded, trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach. I trusted Jake completelyâafter all, we'd been dating for a few months now, and it was clear that we had something real. But the thought of meeting his parents... that was something else entirely.
Before I could overthink it, Jake opened the door, and the warm, delicious scent of Thanksgiving dinner wafted out. âMom, Dad, weâre here!â he called out with that carefree energy of his.
His mom, a kind woman with soft features and a welcoming smile, appeared from the kitchen. She was wearing a cozy sweater, and her hands were covered in flour from what looked like baking. Jake's dad followed close behindâtall, with a warm and serious demeanor, but I could see the gentle spark of affection in his eyes as he looked at Jake.
âY/N!â Jakeâs mom exclaimed, immediately pulling me into a tight hug. I froze for a second, unsure of what to do, but then I relaxed into the embrace. Her hug was as warm as the house, and the scent of cinnamon and rosemary made everything feel homely.
âItâs so nice to finally meet you,â she said with a bright smile. âJakeâs told us so much about you!â
âIâve heard so much about you too,â I said, my voice a little shakier than I intended. âThank you for having me over.â
âNo need to thank us, dear,â she said, pulling back but still holding onto my shoulders with affection. âWeâre so happy Jake found someone so kind and wonderful.â
âMom,â Jake groaned from behind me, but there was no mistaking the grin on his face. âYouâre embarrassing me.â
I couldnât help but laugh. âItâs okay, Jake. Your momâs really sweet.â
Jakeâs dad, who had been standing a little behind with his arms crossed, finally spoke up. âWelcome, Y/N. Itâs good to meet you.â
His voice was deep and calm, and I could sense the respect he had for me already. There was no judgment, just a quiet warmth. I smiled, a little nervous but trying to keep my composure. âThank you for inviting me. Iâm really excited to be here.â
Jakeâs dad nodded and smiled slightly. âWeâre glad you could join us. Dinner will be ready soon. Feel free to make yourself at home.â
With that, Jake led me inside, and we were immediately surrounded by the comfort of family. The dining room table was beautifully set, with plates of mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, turkey, and a dozen other dishes that made my stomach rumble.
âGo ahead and sit down,â Jake said, pulling out a chair for me. âIâll get the drinks.â
I sat down, feeling both nervous and excited, as his parents finished putting the last touches on the table. Jake returned with a bottle of sparkling cider and began pouring drinks for everyone.
âIâm glad you could make it,â Jakeâs dad said again as he sat down at the head of the table. âJakeâs been happy ever since he started dating you.â
Jakeâs mom added with a wink, âWe could tell he was in love the moment he started talking about you nonstop.â
I felt my cheeks flush. Jake glanced at me, his eyes sparkling with affection, before he quickly reached across the table to squeeze my hand. âI love you,â he murmured under his breath, just loud enough for me to hear.
âI love you too,â I whispered back, smiling.
The rest of the evening went by in a blur of laughter, stories, and delicious food. Jakeâs parents were easy to talk to, and I found myself relaxing more and more as the night went on. His mom shared funny stories of Jakeâs childhood, and his dad chimed in with his own memories of their family trips. I could tell that family meant everything to themâand I was starting to see just how much Jake was a reflection of them: kind, thoughtful, and filled with love.
After dessert, which was a homemade pumpkin pie that tasted like heaven, Jake stood up. âAlright, weâve got one more thing to do. Y/N, you ready?â
I looked up at him curiously. âWhatâs going on?â
He grinned mischievously. âWeâre going to play a game! A family tradition.â
I laughed nervously. âOkay, Iâm game.â
Jakeâs mom brought out a box of cards and began setting them up. âItâs called âThanksgiving Trivia.â We go around the table, ask questions, and everyone has to answer. Whoever gets the most right wins.â
âIâll warn you now,â Jakeâs dad said with a knowing smile, âJakeâs unbeatable at this game. Donât let him intimidate you.â
Jake smirked proudly. âIâve got a good memory, thatâs all.â
We played for hours, and in the end, Jake did winâbut only by a few points. We were all laughing by the time the game was over, and as the evening wound down, I realized that I had felt so comfortable with Jakeâs family. They werenât intimidating at all. In fact, they made me feel like I had always been part of the family.
As we left their house, Jake slipped his hand into mine. âSee? That wasnât so bad, right?â
I smiled up at him, my heart full. âIt was amazing. Your family is wonderful.â
Jake grinned, pulling me into a quick kiss. âIâm glad you like them. Because youâre stuck with us now.â
I laughed, feeling a rush of happiness. âI wouldnât have it any other way.â
And as we walked to the car, the autumn breeze carrying the scent of fallen leaves, I knew that this Thanksgiving was one Iâd never forget. The warmth of Jakeâs family, the love we shared, and the comfort of being surrounded by people who caredâit was the perfect start to a new chapter in our lives together.
#kpop#cute#kpop imagines#fluff#viral#enhypen#enhypen x reader#fypăˇ#tumblr fyp#enha#jake enha#jake sim#enhypen jake#jaeyun#jake x reader#jake x y/n#jake x you#enhypen x you#enhypen x female reader#enhypen x y/n#enha x y/n#enha x reader#enha imagines#enha x you
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RUNAWAY | abby anderson x reader
free palestine! click this link for more info
synopsis: you and abby are in a mutually destructive situationship. after everything you put each other through, you both always find you way back to one another.
notes: gonna be sooo honest, this isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea and that's okay! heed the content warnings. this is a super angsty catharsis piece.
cw: 18+ content MDNI, reader referred to as a girl, alcohol ment., top! abby, mutually toxic relationship, no happy ending, honestly neither of y'all are good people
word count: 1k
all you could do was sigh when you read the text that popped up on your phone.Â
can i see you tn?
it was 2AM, you and your friends were on the way back home from the club. you had texted abby hours ago. you always did this after drinking. not because your judgment was impaired, instead you wanted to be able to blame your actions on the alcohol. you wouldâve texted her completely sober. you often did.Â
âwhat are you staring at on your phone?â your friend tried to snap you out of it, but nothing would stop you. your friends learned to stop trying.
the text interaction was instigated by you, around 8PM, after one sip of a cocktail your friend had made for you.Â
fuck you abby
who is this new girl?Â
what happened to all the shit you said last week?
she had posted a picture with some pretty redhead on her arm, her face buried in the crook of abbyâs neck. she always did this. she knew it would make you mad.
and you always took the bait.Â
now it was 3AM, your friends had left you for the night, and abby was knocking on your door. you had sobered up in the last hour or so. your mind was clear. all of your actions were your own.Â
immediately abby leaned in for an embrace, prompting you to practically leap back.Â
âwho the fuck is she?â there was an undeniable venom in your voice. you didnât have time for pleasantries.Â
abby moved past you, crossing the threshold into your apartment. âsheâs one of mannyâs exes. weâre still cool so me and nora had dinner with her. thatâs it.âÂ
cue the inevitable repetitive screaming match that you two would end up in once every few weeks. the walls were thin and you knew your neighbors could hear. luckily, they minded their business.Â
âabby itâs like you donât give a fuck about my feelings! all week you're texting me âi miss youâ, âyouâre the only person whoâs ever made me feel this wayâ. what happened to that?â
you couldnât ever stay mad at her. you used the same playbook she did. after a couple weeks of not talking, a post on social media would lure her back in. an âaccidentalâ
i had so much fun with you last night <3
that was immediately unsent. it was a song and dance that both of you were perpetually stuck in. after this long, it felt like you couldnât leave the dancefloor now.Â
for the record, abby wasnât lying. it was just dinner. nothing else. it was clear the girl wanted her. hugging her for just a moment too long, getting a little too handsy when they went to the club together, the frequent requests for one on one hangouts.Â
abby wasnât anywhere near interested.Â
she didnât want any of the girls she would entertain for a week, sometimes a month (never longer). she couldnât fuck them without thinking of you. without missing you. one too many times when a girl was between her legs she had accidentally uttered your name.Â
thatâs why every argument resulted in the pure bliss of hate filled make up sex. whoever was on the receiving end of the accusations would placate the other with âthey dont mean anythingâ, âi just miss you so fucking muchâ, âi wanna be with youâ.Â
that night when youâre face down in the mattress, back arched, her strap buried impossibly deep inside you, you forget everything. the reasons you hate her. why you would never work. she takes you by the chin and pulls you up, back flush against her chest, fucking up into you while she whispered in your ear.
âfuck, you look so good like that. my pretty girl.â
you would always be herâs.
âsuch a fucking slut. only running back to me when you need to be fucked back into your place, yeah?â she hoped that wasnât true. she wants to hear you say that it isnât true.
âi love you, abby.â was all you could manage to say between thrusts.
abby starts thrusting with a fervor. her hands were gripping your hips so tight you feared they might bruise. she knows your body so well that she can tell when youâre about to cum. youâd dig your nails into her arms, gasping for air, whimpering her name.Â
âi love you too, baby girl.âÂ
that was all it took for the floodgates to open.Â
neither of you had lied. you both loved each other more than anything in the world. you said it during arguments, over dinner, at the end of a phone call, and most often during sex.Â
if it came down to it, you would die for one another.Â
the orgasm was so intense it brought tears to your eyes. abby could fuck you for hours, and she often did, especially when you were mad at her. tonight was one of those nights. by the time the sun had fully risen in the sky you were both sweaty, sore, and exhausted.Â
you spent the next few weeks together. she had a key to your apartment that you hadnât taken back after any of your fallouts. after work, you would find her at home, making your favorites for dinner. she came and went as she pleased, but you knew sheâd be back. such was the nature of your relationship.Â
when itâs good, itâs amazing. when itâs bad, itâs miserable. the good never lasted long. your record best was a little more than two months. then, one of you would get antsy, terrified of the âwhat are we?â conversation.Â
after being away from each other, the monotony of peace set in. one of you would find a way to snake back in.Â
you were mutually destroying each other. you knew that. abby knew that. a happy ending wasnât likely for either of you.Â
but, that was okay.Â
she was familiar. this was easier. you had to leave or live with it.Â
and here you were, laying in her arms, pressing kisses against her chest and collarbones, while she whispered sweet nothings in your ear.Â
#abby anderson x reader#abby anderson x you#nisa writes#honestly i love writing fics with no happy ending#divider by cafekitsune
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