#you absolute clowns LMFAO

[4giorno]

soooo are we now gonna say that sethos is sucking the life out of cyno and ruining his fun or is nari the only one capable of doing that

[amodernpersephone]

YOU?????? WROTE WHAT

welp. it was a good run boys. (BOLTS OUT THE DOOR AS FAST AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE)

[cosmicallybound]

     delicate   fingers   laced   together   as   the   witch   silently   considered   her   client.   brilliant   amber   flickered   down   toward   the   card   array   splayed   across   the   table,   plush   flesh   curled   into   a   contemplative   frown.   many   patrons   crossed   the   threshold   to   her   shop,   seeking   their   fortune   or   future,   oft   leaving   disappointed   or   angry.   yet   he   simply   looked   resigned,   neither   surprised   nor   disappointed. 

     hyeon   rested   her   chin   atop   her   fingers,   dark   brows   drawn   together   as   her   gaze   lifted   to   the   man   once   more.   ❝   so   you   already   know   your   path,   interesting.   then   i   must   ask,   why   seek   me   out   ??   there   are   far   easier   ways   to   confirm   what   you   already   know.   ❞

@tapalslegacy | x

[sparklingcid3r]

I promised a rumble rundown, so that’s what I’m gonna do. Let’s go🙏 also here's the yt vid i used lol

0:14-0:17

Paul says, “Hello, Darrel. Long time, no see” and then immediately starts checking him out with that upside down smile, ik what u think abt 👁️👁️

0:24-0:27

“I’ll take you” yeah Paul I’m sure u will 🙄 Darry’s cold af w the staredown tho, it’s unfortunate that Pony and Soda have do a full head turn to look at each other like “IKKK he ain’t j said that”

0:27-0:31

DALLAS MY GLORIOUS KING ARRIVES,, shirtless??? And the crowd goes mild‼️ Pony also gets popped in the face and down he goes, it was so good that he was here for just a little bit, everyone say bye now bc the next time he shows up in the fight u won’t even know it’s him I’m deadass

0:48-0:55

Soda is ripping into this guy right, my baby’s a champion!! And then gets up and kinda… walks past Steve getting his ass beat lmao. He even puts his hand on Steve’s shoulder to steady himself as he goes by😭

He just misses the mean double gut punch Steve tanks like the unit he is, because Steve GRABS THIS MAN’S PUNCH and RIPS one across his face, it was beautiful. Masterclass in the ring I’m afraid

0:56-0:58

Okay. I need to give yall the play by play for this single two-second sequence because it was genuinely the greatest clip of cinema I’ve ever seen in my life.

Paul’s got Darry out of frame and he’s confident, dare I say cocky. He’s doing the universal hand signals for “Cmon, hit me bro.”

And I’m gonna say this next part softly. Lean in and listen to me:

When I tell u that Darry clocks Paul in the face, I don’t mean he just clocks Paul in the face. Darry rises like a phoenix from the ashes and swings so hard that everyone around him can feel the aftershocks. Paul has just experienced the equivalent of a steel boxing glove to the dome. Teeth are flying. Paul will have no recollection of this moment for the rest of his life. Take a look at this.

Alr now we back up because YOU CAN SEEEE THE MOMENT OF REALIZATION. This man starts BAILING. The minute Darry spins back, Paul’s got bug eyes, all “Hold up. Wait a minute. He really ‘bout to clock my shit.” He did not want that smoke NEARLY as much as he thought he did, and ykw? I don’t blame him 🤷‍♀️ 

Letting yall know that I had to go back and slow down the playback speed so that I could bask in the glory that is Darrel Curtis’s behemoth of a punch. Geologists are losing their minds wondering how volcanoes are erupting and mountains are shifting, unaware of what just happened in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

1:00-1:03

Dally bitch slapping a dude is a great way to kick off the one-minute mark, and a good kick to the ribs just for funsies ig. U go girl🫶

1:04-1:07

Hottest Two-Bit has ever looked sorry

1:19-1:21

Alr Dally is literally picking people up and WWE rocking their shit as he slams them to the ground. That kid was dropped neck first. How did Pony not have to write a sequel.

1:22-1:24

Just an entire sequence dedicated to Soda mewing even as he gets bitched in the face. It’s alr tho, he got his get back

1:47-1:49

Istg I’m not tripping, u listen and u can hear Pony screaming for Darry yall I thought this was supposed to be a good time, I’m actually sobbing

1:55-2:01

STEVE CLUTCHES UP??? DEADASSSS that was the CLEANEST three-shot KO I’ve ever seen, then he body flips the guy behind him??? I WASN’T FAMILIAR W UR GAME, RANDLE 🙏

2:09-2:15

The Socs are kind of getting ready to retreat at this point but rq we gotta check in on the exes, Paul’s getting clowned on again lmfao.

This man tried to kick Darry, then when Darry’s got his foot and is getting ready to spin him like that pigskin, he’s PULLING on Darry’s HAIR??? Man, just leave 😭 ur cooked. And the last time we see him, he’s CRAWLING AWAY😭😭 at least STAND UP

2:24-2:27

Pony’s getting washed in a 6v1 it ain’t his fault this time, bless up. Luckily my goat Darrel Shaynne Curtis Jr. pulls up and literally starts throwing bodies. Absolutely spectacular that I get to live in the same lifetime as this movie.

2:30-2:32

Darry’s asking, “Ponyboy, you okay?” and some NOBODY tries to grab Darry’s shoulders. Who do u think u are???

3:35-3:45

Greasers get the W👏

So in conclusion I think we can all agree that if u are locked in an iso with Darry, just offer up ur cheek and get it over w. Ur not getting the dub. Roll down ur sleeves and go home, ur benched.

Sorry this is messy af, I'm just having fun rn LMFAO

[base0h]

Yo I got this idea from your pickle fic you did a couple months ago.

Monster trio,law and kidd super gluing a pickle jar and ask their s/o to open it and to their surprise their s/o opens it without any problems

I love your crack fics so much

Please and ty

a/n - I’m so glad you like my humor because sometimes I feel like I’m so unfunny 😂💜 oml kidd would break the jar (also I can’t fit all of the characters so I had to omit Sanji 😭😭)

Warnings ⚠️ - I bully Kidd, crack, g/n reader

- Bro thought that maybe he could troll you back since he couldn’t open the pickle jar a couple days ago (he’s still depressed, so no one talks about it) y’all just pretend it never happened

- zoro: hah! Remember that time when you couldn’t open the-

- everyone: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

- luffy: huh?

- poor zoro 💀 he didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to talk about it since they left him at the previous island

- He was all tightening the pickle jar with the glue, giggling and kicking his feet just imagining you not being able to open it like him, so you’d be embarrassed like him. (He’s evil, beware)

- he skipped over to you and handed you a pickle jar, “Hey y/n, can you open it for me while I go grab something to eat?”

- you nodded, grabbing the pickle jar and opening it with ease. Huh, that’s weird, why would Luffy ask you to open it?

- he had such a big mischievous grin when he came back and then when he saw the pickle jar sitting next to you, the cap right next to it, oml he freaked out

- “HUH? HOW DID YOU OPEN IT-?!”

- “What do you mean? It was super loose.”

- ….

- nah he’s dead now watch him go sob in the corner

- man was sobbing for about an hour or two before Sanji was able to feed him some meat to make him stop crying. Has ptsd with pickle jars now- and you felt bad so you gave him a jar for him to open (you could’ve opened it but you wanted to make him feel tough and strong 💜💜)

- “Luffy, I just can’t open this thing, can you open it?”

- The way his eyes lit up and he just RAN to help you, “MHM! Sure!”

- opened it without a problem and puffed his chest out, crossing his arms, “Shishishi~ I’m strong!!!!”

- “You’re the strongest captain ever! King of the pirates! Roger wishes he was you!!!” -you

- He was giggling, flexing his muscles and all lmfao

- man Luffy is lucky to have you as his personal best cheerleader 💜💜😭

- oh nah, the prank you did on him did not end well 💀 man literally blew up and poor killer had to just sit there in the midst of his explosion (his mental health was harmed in the process of this)

- things chilled out after you managed to give him a hug and some cuddles and coaching him through calming breaths (he does yoga to relax you can’t convince me otherwise)

- Kidd the yogi 💀💀💀

- So he decided that it’d be absolutely hilarious to do the same pickle jar prank on you bec he’s an asshole and a dumbass

- Idk how he did it, but he spent all night formulating and researching which glue was the best until he just decided to weld it shut

- “Kidd what are you doing?” -killer

- “Go to bed killer.”

- stfu Kidd don’t be mean to your best friend 💀

- fast forward to the time of the prank, he handed you the jar with a literal shit eating grin on his face, bro could not stop giggling (sounds like a fucking clown. And I don’t mean in a good way.)

- “Why are you giggling..?” -you

- “No reason >:)”

- You opened it, continuing to watch your show on the tv, handing it back to him. There was a moment of silence that lasted about 5 minutes. He was not moving, blinking, nor breathing for that matter. Killer walked by the room, and took a picture before walking away 💀

- man just started yelling outta nowhere, scaring the literal shit out of you

- “WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!” -Kidd

- “WHAT THE FUCK KIDD?!” -you

- “HOW DID YOU FUCKING OPEN IT?”

- “IT WAS FUCKING LOOSE.”

- “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WELDED THE FUCKIN THING SHUT!”

- “…..”

- “Why the fuck did you weld it shut you dumbass?” -you

- he beat you up (correction) you beat him up for even trying to beat you up

- he didn’t seem that affected by your prank earlier but trust me, he’s crying on the inside, praying to corazon and asking: why tf am I so fucking weak

- after you told him it was just a joke he was pretty mad and ignored you for about a day (before he just couldn’t ignore the love of his life anymore😂)

- but yeah lesson learned, don’t do it again

- well he thought it’d be funny to do it to you since it made him so irritated (he will not admit that and will tell you that Bepo made him do it or something like that)

- the hardest part for him was asking you for help because anytime he does you get all smirky and say: “ooooo you need my help??? 😏”

- “never mind I don’t.”

- “NO- IM SORRY ILL HELP!”

- so yeah he was a bit nervous about asking you- but he had to do it lmao

- “Y/n-ya, can you open this for me?”

- “Sure.”

- you literally opened it in seconds, you didn’t even struggle.

what the fuck?

- “Y/n. How did you open that?..”

- “It was loose, did you loosen it?”

- “…….I’m gonna go to bed now.”

- “it’s 2pm!”

- “I’m. Going. To. Bed.”

- went straight to his computer to look up

- “Is my s/o a demon?”

- “what is the strength level for opening glued shut pickle jar”

- “911 marine hq”

- “counseling hotline”

- “can glue expire?”

- “am I weak?”

- Zoro was still pretty mad that he couldn’t open the jar last time, so he’s added, “opening pickle jars for y/n, 20 reps, 2 sets, give pickles to Luffy.”

- his workout page looks like a Barbie notebook you cannot tell me otherwise

- everything is pink and neon green 💀

- anyway, mayyyyybe Luffy convinced him to do the same prank on you because Luffy kept laughing at him about it, poor moss head’s self esteem was a bit low now 😭

- So he grabbed a jar, glued the damn thing shut and went over to you (took a while because he could not find you)

- “hey y/n. Can you open this for me? I’m gonna go train.”

- “Sure.”

- he hid behind the corner, watching as you took the jar and paused, continuing to read your book before opening it with ease, putting it back on the table next to you

- man was flabbergasted.

- how the actual fuck did you do that?????

- “Zoro??? What do you want me to do with the jar?!” -you

- His plan to hide out behind the corner was ruined the moment Luffy came over and fucking said hello to him

- “Oh hey zoro!! Whatcha doin?”

- “SHUT UP!”

- “huh?”

- You turned around to see Zoro trying to shut up poor Luffy who literally wanted to just say hi 😭

- “Zoro what are you doing?? I opened the jar, is it for Sanji’s meal?”

- “….Yeah just- give it to him.”

- he looked sad, it was painful for your heart

- imagine getting stabbed, then reading something sad, listening to sad music, and then realizing. You’re sad.

- that is what this felt like

- you tried your best to comfort him (even though you didn’t know why he was sad) so you watched him train and you sat on his back while he did pushups. Seemed to make the poor guy feel better, but you still didn’t know why he was so sad in the first place :’)

a/n - poor zoro

[emmg]

WIP whenever

because @heylittleriotact uno reverse'd me lmfao

bc grading essays is overrated, so here’s a lil’ something from the ridiculous fic I’m forcing my keyboard to suffer through. Plot? Absolutely none. Just Emmrook going on “dates” (and like also… smutty dates) suggested by the other clowns haunting the Lighthouse. This one’s SUPPOSED to end in a coffee date—because Lucanis—but I haven't written that yet lol

Honestly, it’s like… smut-crackfic with necromancy puns that should be punishable by law. I keep saying I’ll write a serious Emmrich one day, but let’s be real, that day isn’t today

Anyway, title? Don’t have one. I'm just throwing a bunch of dashes and slapping a read-more right before it gets too long so it doesn't invade anyone's dash

--------------

It’s the most absurd scene. Like, truly bonkers. 

She hovers in the doorway, conveniently camouflaged by shadows, because though the cringe levels are searing her soul, she simply cannot look away. It’s like watching a runaway cart barreling downhill, if said cart was cobbled together with blissful ignorance and top-tier ineptitude. 

There, crammed onto Harding and Neve’s favorite tiny sofa, are Lucanis and Emmrich. And they’re... talking? Sort of? It’s the most agonizing conversation she’s ever been subjected to, and that’s saying something. Lucanis is flailing his hands around, using them more than words, trying to drive home whatever point he’s failing spectacularly to make. Meanwhile, Emmrich, ever the dignified one, has one leg crossed so neatly over the other that it creates this little triangle of space that she suddenly wants to crawl into and hide from the embarrassment radiating off both of them. 

"You see," Lucanis laments, his fingers forming that universal gesture of the confused and the desperate, “we went for coffee. But she, well, threw it back. Like a shot of spirits. It was not just any brew. This was from the frost-bitten slopes of the Vimmark Mountains. A dark roast with notes of juniper and just a hint of wild honey. You don’t just drink something like that—you experience it.” He shakes his head. “Her focus was all on that new case file, instead. And fish. Fried fish."

Emmrich nods along thoughtfully. “I understand. However, if I may be so bold, Lucanis, have you perhaps thought of discussing something besides coffee? A change of topic might open new avenues.” 

"I did offer to sharpen her knives."

“Knives,” Emmrich repeats, as though weighing the term’s philosophical import. “And… Neve is known to possess a significant collection of blades?” 

“No,” says Lucanis, flat as a pancake. 

“Ah,” Emmrich replies, offering a sage nod. A wise and knowing “ah,” as if that somehow clarified things. "An unusual approach, then." 

Desperate to claw himself out of this conversational pit, Lucanis asks, “Well, what is it you and Rook… do?” He stumbles over the words, as though simply asking has exhausted his entire social skill set for the year. 

And now, it’s Emmrich’s turn to squirm. She can almost see his moustache twitching, wishing it could detach itself from his face and make a run for the hills. He looks away, frowning slightly, as though consulting some vast internal library.  

They don’t go on dates. Please. Not even the hilariously doomed sort that Lucanis somehow subjected Neve to. For one, neither of them has the time for candlelit strolls with the world about to be ripped apart by blighted elven gods strutting around like they own the place.

Usually, she just pops into his room and fucks him while he pontificates about the finer points of romance. Oh, she always lets him go on for a hot minute, but once her lips are on his throat and her hands start wandering further south, he finally gets the hint, and that highbrow nonsense about “dignified courtship” goes straight out the window.

Emmrich, after clearing his throat, finally answers, "We discuss books."

From her shadow, she snorts. He's not wrong, technically. Just the other night, she had perched in his lap while he was reading some dry treatise on Fade energy attunement and the properties of dawnstone. He’d even launched into a detailed explanation while she kissed her way down his jaw and neck, hardly deterred by the lecture. Finally, when her hand wandered beneath his shirt, Emmrich, after a brief struggle to finish his monologue, allowed the tome to tumble from his grip.

So yes, “discussing books” might be accurate, but it’s hardly the whole story. And yet here sits Emmrich, steadfast in his scholarly pride, while Lucanis looks ready to take a long walk off a very short pier. She’s not sure which of them is more tragic. 

“Hm,” says Lucanis, apparently having reached the absolute zenith of his conversational abilities. 

“Ah,” Emmrich replies, with all the enthusiasm of someone describing mildew yet also, somehow, managing to sound very polite about it. 

She saunters over to break this pathetic monotony of wall-staring both are currently engaged in.

“My dear,” Emmrich perks up, relief flooding his face as though she’s just rescued him from the depths of some social hell. His voice is full of that charming lilt he uses when he’s desperate to salvage his dignity. 

He makes a half-hearted attempt to stand, all dignified and well-bred, but she waves him off with a lazy hand, signalling him to stay seated. And stay he does. Without missing a beat, she slides into his lap, practically draping herself sideways over him, arms winding around his neck. He tenses for a moment, exhales in resignation, but eventually gives in, one hand resting at the small of her back, fingers just barely grazing the line between respectable and… well, decidedly not. 

“I hate when you do that,” Lucanis snarls from across the sofa, jabbing a finger at her. 

“Yes, it’s not very proper,” Emmrich says with solemnity, though he’s showing absolutely zero signs of protest about her whole backside pressing against him. 

With a serene, mischievous grin, she stretches her legs, casually extending them until they’re firmly invading Lucanis’ personal space. 

“Mierda,” he grumbles, swatting at her ankle with all the fervor of a cat being swiped at by an annoying feather. “Rook.” 

She just grins that beautifully infuriating grin. “Go back to your pantry, Lucanis,” she says sweetly, her tone one of pure, serene malice. “The gouda is getting lonely.” 

Lucanis stalks off, glowering as if he’d chuck a knife at her head if he had one in hand. And she’s fairly sure he would. 

She blows him a kiss. He shows her the middle finger. They’ll have coffee in the morning.

Meanwhile, Emmrich, ever the portrait of indulgent patience, looks up at her from his cozy place beneath her with a satisfied hum. “How was your day, darling?” 

“Good,” she sighs, stretching further until her legs are practically colonizing whatever’s left of Lucanis’ side of the sofa. “Yours?” 

Emmrich raises an eyebrow. Makes a contemplative sound deep in his throat. “Enlightening. Lucanis and I were just having… an intriguing discussion.” 

“Oh?” she purrs, eyes glinting. “About what, pray tell?” 

“Courtship,” he says, savoring the word as though it were some priceless artifact he’s just dusted off from an ancient shelf. 

She smirks. “I’m sure you gave him absolutely riveting advice.” 

“I certainly tried.” He heaves a great sigh, even rolls a shoulder in a semblance of a shrug. “Though, I fear our preferred methods diverge.” 

“‘Preferred methods’?” she echoes, giving his thigh a playful squeeze. “Do enlighten me.” 

Emmrich gives her a look that’s half-scholar, half-sufferer. “Well, I fancy a touch of romance, some… sentimentality, if you will. And Lucanis…” 

“And Lucanis?” she goads. 

“His idea of a grand romantic gesture involves… knives,” he finishes with a sigh of pure exasperation. 

She can’t hold back the snort that escapes. “I mean, yeah, it’s Lucanis. Did you expect anything different?” She presses a little closer, trouble dancing in her eyes. “But for what it’s worth, I do love talking about books with you… so very much.” 

Emmrich doesn’t miss a beat, a hint of sarcasm curling his lips. “So I’ve gathered.” 

“Tell me more about your books, Emmrich,” she coos, batting her eyelashes with all the enthusiasm of a third-rate actress in a chintzy Orlesian play. 

“If you’re genuinely interested, I would gladly oblige.” 

“Oh, I’m interested,” she purrs, lowering her voice to a husky whisper. “In you talking… while you bend me over your desk.”

Emmrich rolls his eyes, his facade of feigned innocence dissolving in an instant. “There it is,” he says, shaking his head, fully resigned, and yet absolutely, unflinchingly unbothered. “Right on schedule.”

She giggles, pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips, laughing against his skin as his mouth curves into a smile. His hand moves down her back, rubbing a little more insistently, as if he’s grounding himself—or maybe just unable to resist the urge to keep her right there. 

And she doesn’t make it easy for him. She drags her legs back, swings one over his lap, and settles herself down, straddling him. For a moment, she just studies him, tracing her fingers through his hair, brushing little gray strands back, pressing featherlight kisses along his cheekbones. She moves to his jaw, his forehead, then teases at the edge of that absurdly high collar he insists on wearing like he’s hiding some grand secret rather than just a very biteable throat. 

He is fine, she muses, is he not? So impossibly precise, so painfully detailed. He’s all sharp angles and sleek lines, with those maddeningly long fingers that look like they could carve through a mountain if they set their mind to it, and legs that seem to go on for days. Tall, lean, graceful, and—she smirks—a touch too verbose for his own good.

There’s a tragic elegance to him, too, a sort of quiet, melancholic dignity wrapped up in age and maturity, like a bottle of rare, finely aged wine that’s only gotten more complex with the years. A shame, really, that he’s about to be thoroughly enjoyed by someone who wouldn’t know a fine vintage from a spoiled ale. 

She’ll savor him all the same, every last bit. 

When she takes his hands, winding her fingers through his, she feels him smile—a real, soft thing, so she leans down and steals it right off his mouth. She licks along the seam of his lips, teasing, before he finally gives in and parts them, letting her kiss him in earnest. 

“I like your rings,” she murmurs as she pulls back, letting their mouths part with a wet pop, a little string of saliva snapping between them. “They make you look expensive.” 

“Not too expensive, I hope,” Emmrich teases. “Otherwise, I fear I’ll meet the same fate as every artifact your merry Lords of Fortune collect. Pilfered in the night, sold to the highest bidder. One moment here, the next—poof. Gone.” 

She makes a show of sighing, voice deadly serious. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I’d rig the auction, slip in a pretty penny or two, then plant an inside man to bid on you. Coin in one hand, you smuggled back to me in the other. All in one night.” 

He laughs, that rich, throaty sound she loves, and she can feel it rumbling up through his chest. “All that trouble just for me?” 

She leans in, lips brushing his ear. “Consider it my own little courtship ritual,” she whispers, nipping at his earlobe. “Better than dinner and a walk, don’t you think?” 

He chuckles, his hands slipping to her hips, holding her close as if he’s half-tempted to test just how well she could pull off that heist. “Dangerously persuasive, as usual.” 

For a while, she stays just as she is, savoring the closeness, every slow inhale filled with the scent of him, the warmth of his body against hers. She steals little kisses, grazing his jaw, breathing her laughter against his skin each time he starts to smile. She loves the quiet, the intimacy of it all, though she loves his voice just as much. Sometimes, she asks him to read aloud, not for the content, but for that smooth, careful cadence that rolls through her and makes her feel so, so good. She’ll rest her head in his lap, fingers idly tracing patterns on his hands, kissing his knuckles, his fingertips, watching his face as he reads. 

Now, there’s nothing for him to read, but she leans into him all the same, letting his quiet words fill the space. He murmurs, babbles, whispers soft nonsense as he unlaces her hair, fingers brushing through the waves, watching as they fall in gentle cascades over his lap. She exhales, content, her eyes half-closed, perfectly happy just to listen as his voice drifts around her, soothing and familiar. 

She simply listens, resting her head on his thigh, gazing up at the ceiling, fingers trailing over his hands, kissing his fingers one by one, lingering on each touch. Her teeth gently scrape along his skin, letting her tongue follow in a slow, winding path. She feels his breath hitch, hears him stumble over his words as she nibbles down each finger, tracing her tongue along the edge before she takes it into her mouth, sucking just enough to leave him squirming. She lets each finger slip from her lips with a wet pop, savoring the way his composure falters, how he tries—and fails—to keep his voice steady as she drags her mouth over the center of his palm, kissing, licking, leaving nothing untouched. 

He’s given up on this one-sided dialogue entirely, his gaze drifting from her to the room around them—the door, the table, the empty corners where nothing but dust bunnies, or perhaps a few stray Fade bunnies, lurk in silence. 

“Dear,” he murmurs, glancing down at her. “We ought to move.” He gives her a gentle nudge, even tries to rise himself, but she’s not having it. 

“Oh, but you look so good here,” she protests, her voice dripping with mock innocence. “They’re all asleep, Emmrich. Even Lucanis, that kitchen rat, is probably curled up in his pantry right now, snuggling his precious wheel of parmesan.” 

Emmrich lets out a long, put-upon sigh, like he’s reaching deep into his reserve of patience, maybe for some scolding remark, but he finds none. His shoulders drop as he finally relents, letting her kisses chip away at his restraint. She leans in, her voice dropping to a sultry whisper, detailing exactly what she wants him to do with those hands of his—where she wants those fingers, how she wants them stroking, filling, plunging, curling… 

“Well then,” he manages, and she laughs, a short, wicked little sound, straight into his mouth. 

She slips down his body, her hands already at his waist, working his trousers loose with a grin that says she knows exactly how flushed he’s become. She murmurs something obscene, barely a whisper and almost incoherent, her smirk widening as she leans in closer, taunting, “Come on, Emmrich, don’t tell me no bone was ever… poked… in that crypt of yours, right out in the open for all to see.” 

“It’s the Grand Necropolis,” he corrects, like that’ll somehow keep his dignity intact, “and we most certainly do not… poke.”

She undoes the last of the many - too many - buttons on his trousers before freeing him just enough to take him in hand. And oh, would you look at that, for all of his posturing he's already hard. All that wriggling on top of him certainly led to something, she thinks.

“Oh?” she hums, tracing her fingertips over his bare skin, savoring the way he stiffens under her touch. She leans forward, her lips brushing against his length as she murmurs, “Not even a quick tumble between the tombs? Not a single bone used for inspiration?” 

His restraint crumbles as she flicks her tongue over him, taking her time, drawing out each little shiver, each catch in his breath, making sure he’s utterly undone before she finally lets her mouth close around him, her gaze locked on his as she starts to take him deeper, her mouth warm, wet, greedy. And as she feels him sink back, his hands clenching in her hair, she knows she’s finally broken that perfect composure, and she couldn’t be more pleased. 

Then she pulls back just enough to speak. “So, tell me, is this what you meant by reanimation techniques?”

Emmrich sighs, dragging his free hand over his face as if he could somehow block out the utter cringe tumbling out of her mouth, his fingers twitching, though she doesn’t give him a moment’s peace. She lowers her head again, sucking him in, hollowing her cheeks, before releasing him yet again, his cock slipping past her lips with an obscene, wet pop. “You know," she muses, "I’d say you’re looking rather stiff.”

A sharp exhale escapes him, a half-laugh, half-moan that only encourages her further. She picks up her pace, taking him deeper, her hands braced against his hips as she moves with a steady rhythm, doing that little thing with her tongue she knows he likes, she knows that everyone likes, a talent truly, swirling all the way around, pressing it flat on the underside of his cock, only to suck her way up, breathe hot air against him, before swallowing him again. 

Between every few breaths, she pulls back just enough to taunt him, her voice syrupy with mock innocence. She can barely hold back the laughter as she watches him react, his hips bucking ever so slightly with each tease, like clockwork, so deliciously predictable. “Come on, love. I thought resurrection was your specialty?”

“Blasphemy,” he mutters above her, though there’s no real heat in his voice. 

“No, no.” She rests her cheek against his thigh, stroking him instead with a slow, deliberate touch, her palm warm and slick, her grip firm. “Think of it as… a rather intensive course in raising the dead.”

The absurdity of it hits her right as she says it—her last attempt at an erotic pun officially surpassed—and she breaks, a snort escaping as she buries her face against his leg, her shoulders shaking with laughter. 

But then she feels his hands shift, pulling her up by her arms, and she yelps, startled, before giggling as he hauls her up, settling her right back on top of him. 

“That’s quite enough of that,” Emmrich whispers. 

As he catches his breath, she wipes her mouth, grinning at him with all the smug satisfaction of someone who’s just completely dismantled a man who prides himself on his restraint. She feels his fingers on her chin as he angles her face back towards his so he can kiss her and she's not shy, she tangles her tongue with his immediately, tasting as much of him as she can reach, even tracing the edge of one canine before retreating for breath. 

“Think you could, I don’t know…” She waves a hand around aimlessly. “Necromance my pants away?” 

He smiles, curling her hair around his fingers where it frames her face. “No, dear. I’m afraid that is not in my skill set.”

[teencopandthesourwolf]

THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN EVERY EPISODE OF TEEN WOLF EVER

part ii (part i HERE)

coach finstock philosophy being the thing that actually fixes you

a soundtrack that consists of the sort of music that makes you wish you were no longer alive, plus (ironically) the excellent song lose your soul by dead man's bones 

jeff davis forgetting character's ages and back stories and sometimes the characters themselves (fuck you forever for kira, jeff, you massive poopy head)

jeff davis forgetting the plot

jeff davis forgetting the fact that nobody likes him

tuning in for sterek and staying for sterek even when jeff davis stops giving the sterek scenes together, and staying for sterek even after one half of sterek leaves, in the hope that the half of sterek who left will one day return so you can keep on watching for sterek even though sterek is not even canon and you know inherently it never will be  

brilliantly appalling special FX

meredith having even crazier eyes than the character from the show orange is the new black who has crazy eyes and is actually named crazy eyes 

tyler hoechlin hands down having the best spine-tingling-hairs-standing-up-on-the-back-of-your-neck werewolf roar of any werewolf on any film or tv show about werewolves ever FIGHT ME

queer allegory my beloved <3

isaac inexplicably wearing a scarf all-year-round

all the characters bar derek (only bc it's hard to get it wrong with a henley and black jeans which is all he ever wears apart from the one-time crimson thumbhole shirt that was inspired drip) having honestly the worst fucking dress sense

jackson being the angriest most brilliantly hammy antagonist ever with the best facial expressions known to humankind who ends up evolving into the most adorable gayest gay to ever gay living his best life in londonia with his lovely boyfriend ethan where they are now both runway models for jean paul gaultier (who everybody knows is a french werewolf from way back when in the la bête du gévaudan era)

getting the feeling you should be doing absolutely anything else with your time instead of watching these idiots yet being completely addicted to loving this penny and dime clown show more than you love your own nearest and dearest 

VOID STILES BEING A 1000 YEAR OLD FOX DEMON THAT MAKES YOU HARD

having the constant need to shake scott vigorously because he is the funko pop! bobble head we all know and are forced to tolerate 

chris argent being such a cringe over-the-top-gun-toting-who's-your-daddy-badass that he somehow actually manages to circle back around to being rad af  

chris argent being so real and a dilf

none of the characters ever talking about the fact that scott's dad was an abusive arsehole apart from stiles because stiles is a champion amongst men who makes sure to tell scott's dad between scenes that his head looks like a cross between a crescent moon and a foot

every single character on the show knowing that there is not a hint of a shadow of a doubt that derek and stiles are doin the narsty—even the off-camera characters we never get to meet are always congregating on the reg in the grocery store or the coffee shop or the WSWA (We See Werewolves Anonymous) bi-weekly meetings and are all like "you know that furious-looking autistic dude with the spectacular monobrow whose eyes are sometimes definitely way too blue? and the noodly peewee herman MIT ADHD kid with the duct tape jeep whose dad is the sheriff of this fictional town none of us live in? they are definitely fucking omg." 

each and every school lesson we see scott and stiles attending actually being a top secret pentagram level mission impossible code for whatever supernatural shit is about to go down in beacon hills that day 

outing you as the monsterfucker you really are LMFAO

(find part i HERE)

[beanghostprincess]

Transfem auntie buggy ideas again bc AAAA BRANROT I LOVE WOMEN-

Ya know,,,,, how Oda said,,,,,, Buggy COULD be really fucking powerful if there was effort put in? What if in transfem Buggy world, the effort was due to dysphoria-fueled depression and anxiety. Coming out ((and having such blatant and unrepentant support, from her lovers AND the Guild in its entirety)) leads to her actually... feel okay-ish. It's not a sudden in-all-fix-it ((she needs a PLETHORA of therapies)), but it starts her on a good path. Thay first step was difficult, but it was made... so much easier. Which leads to the second step. The third. The fourth.

And now that Buggy isn't having seventy four panic attacks every three minutes, she can devote some Brain Space to other things - her weapon making has become a sort of fidget toy type of situation, and she's.. actually really gotten a knack for this, over the years. She'd never call herself prodigal ((lowkey even if she is, with chemistry, physics and spatial awareness, she's so deep in the I'm A Liar hole that she doesn't clock that just.... Getting It isn't normal)).

Croc and Hawk are very supportive, even if they bully her (consensually).

And eventually, they even deign to try teaching her Haki - just to realize she's... been using it constantly almost her whole life. Her Observation is innate, acute, and one of the reasons she's so charismatic and able to reign in a crowd. It's both a talent for manipulation and also a form of reactive observation haki - by shifting her own energy among her followers, prospective or otherwise, she can encourage a specific reaction. It's a mix of Skill, Natural Talent and smoke and mirrors.

Learning that makes her wonder - if Haki can be so dynamic and THEN SOME, what other places has she not considered such an approach? Her weapons? Training? Her... her devil fruit...?

It's a paramecia. It affects her body, and she's gotten some rather decent control of it. Do paramecias awaken like zoans? Do logias? New Fixation Hours. She goes a little feral with the possibilities.

Suddenly, it seems like all of these little walls she never noticed before have fallen away, leaving a vast horizon of possibility.

Shanks will take a bit to arrive at Karai Bari, and he's expecting a specific version of his former best friend (or former love or former sibling, depending on Preferred Shuggy Flavor). He is anticipating the Buggy he saw a few years ago, but this time Woman Mode.

Crocodile and Mihawk's protective hovering is not exactly smth he anticipated, but he's willing to roll with that! His lovely Bug is just so pretty, he HAS to tell her, see her for himself, it's not even a want, it's not a desire, he needs it the way hee needs sea salt in his hair and a hilt in his hand and air in his lungs.

Buggy, meanwhile has skipped right tf over many emotions, instead Fueled By Hyperfixation, and while part of her is absolutely REELING at Shanks showing up unannounced on HER island, another part is cackling in mad scientist and saying "convince him to guinea pig, 'for old time's sake'." Shanks is WEAK to Buggy Begging Eyes, and Croc and Hawk ((while also weak but not exactly as weak as Shanks, they can pretend)) are watching and honestly laughing internally bc....

Well. Buggy's on a ROLL. And Shanks is her newest toy.

Poor Redhair has NO IDEA what he's in for...

SHE'S A QUEEN SHE'S A PRINCESS SHE'S LITERALLY LIVING IN MY HEAD RENT FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is actually canon to me. Okay. Okay? She was just insecure and dealing with dysphoria and now she's the queen of the world. She owns it. Shanks is such a simp he's gonna let her do anything lmfao. And Mihawk and Crocodile absolutely love her and it's even funnier to bully her this way. And she's,,, She's so powerful. Queen. Absolutely amazing. Sexy but also really cute. Prettiest clown you've ever seen. HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT HER CLOTHES??? Because I have so many outfits in mind I am going INSANE. And I can't stop thinking about Luffy and her getting along and Luffy being extremely happy (not to mention Sanji, Don't- Don't let Sanji see her because maybe he dies. Me too).

[thepaintedsable]

@sm-baby’s The Amazing Digital Carnival AU sketches because I messed up a Christmas present but didn’t want to waste the paper.

These might not make sense if you don’t know the AU, so check it out! If they don’t make sense knowing the AU, uh uHm, nuh-uh.

Kaufmo may be my favorite TADC character in general idk. Who woulda guessed.

This man has absolutely zero screen time, I mean zero as clown, and yet 👁 👁 The Amazing Digital Carnival made it worse because, I mean, just look at him. He is so much. Look at his little ha t. Look at his little sho es. I would place him on my shelf.

He hates the silly frilly but Kinger has no regard for his goofy caterpillar. Make it bigger. Make it bugger.

Jax. Your reward is being the reason he goes to Kinger’s Darn Digital Dungeon next time.

Gotta follow that script. Can’t let a perfectly good big top with some perfectly good cannons and a clearly highly trained individual go to waste.

Ok back to fixing these presents lmfao

[monstersinthecosmos]

I know you probably don’t want to dwell on the show and the negative but I absolutely hate what has happened on here and how hateful people are in the VC fandom it’s just very demoralizing and makes me want to retreat from anything besides the books completely. The discourse was spicy before the show but everything is just even more divisive now and it has sucked the fun out of it. Not really an ask more of a vent sorry

Hi there!

You’re correct that I don’t particularly find it fun to dwell on the negative stuff – as you said yourself, SOMETIMES THE DISCOURSE SUCKS THE FUN OUT OF IT. But I do understand how you feel and I want to say a couple things and I hope this helps you find a groove.

First of all, I did my best not to acknowledge it too much because I didn’t want to validate the folks who were being cunts to me lol, but please know that this fandom (at least on Tumblr) has ALWAYS been kinda fucking violent towards me LOL. I started VC tumbling back in 2016 and it’s ALWAYS been a fucking trash fire. It is hard out there for Marius stans lmfao.

Like, when I was first posting on Tumblr and acclimating to the Tumblr culture it was so much of like, me feeling brave enough to share meta only for someone to be RB’ing me to tell me I’m wrong, or me talking about how much I liked something about Marius only for someone to vague me, or it was me hosting the huge fandom Discord back in 2017 only for people to then come on tumblr and complain about how the Discord was way too Marius Friendly as if like, a drama-free space where we can discuss the books makes it a harbor for predators.

Of course I also had the gaggle of fucking morons who were constantly stalking me, catfishing their way into my servers to try to take screenshots and write call outs and cancel me, who would not stop preaching about how “all these big blogs” are “actually such terrible people” because “look at the things they ship” even when I’d never been unkind to them, even occasionally donated to their GFMs. These are folks who think they’re morally in the right for protecting the virtue of Armand’s poor teenage asshole and executed this justice by stalking and harassing an ACTUAL PERSON LOL. Like, listen. I’m sorry to burst ur bubble, but Armand doesn’t exist. He’s letters on a paper. I’m actually a real person and you’re up my fucking ass because I don’t’ even fucking know why, you’re jealous of my fucking Tumblr engagement or something? Which one of us is actually the creep here lol?? Is this a race to the bottom to be the valedictorian of clown school on the website for homeschooled clowns?

I’ve also had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of acephobic discourse, being told I don’t do enough to protect every individual in fandom from their own bullies as if it's my job to do that, being called ableist for how I wrote Daniel in my fics even though I was projecting and discussing my own personal experiences – I’ve also had a project collaborator have a tantrum and try to steal my work until I had to threaten with legal action, I’ve been put on block lists, I’ve had many people consume my fics in secret without actually leaving comments because I’m too toxic for them to communicate with in public.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

This was all before AMC showed up LMFAO. It was not easy for me! It’s still not always easy!

And so yeah like, by nature of the fandom EXPLODING we are going to see more drama. More people is more drama. The nature of the discourse often hedges into real life issues that people are very opinionated and passionate about and there are conflicting needs inside the same space about how to hold conversations. Even just the other day I RB’d a joke about Anne Rice and OP got upset with me because they didn’t want actual fans interacting with it. Whoops! I didn’t know! I just thought it was funny. ;.;  

Even in good faith and with the best of intentions we’re going to step on each other’s toes, and we’re gonna find people we don’t vibe with. And that’s normal and it’s fine.

What ISN’T normal is this inability to disengage that I think we see often in online space, and I don’t want to get into a whole side essay about all the reasons why I think that happens. But sometimes you gotta be the bigger person and take it on the chin.

Like, yeah, it sucks. It sucks the fun out of the room when you share a space with such bitter people who can’t be kind to each other. But like. THAT’S A THEM PROBLEM, YOU KNOW? And I think we gotta remember that sometimes people like that do it for the attention or the spike of dopamine when they can pick a fight and honestly like, you don’t need to waste YOUR OWN time on it, but you’re also doing that person a kindness if you don’t enable the bad behavior.

And it sucks that Tumblr’s mute tools are awful!!!!! It would make navigating so much easier to be able to curate the dash a little better and keep the bad actors out of your space. I sometimes just fuck off and don’t even come online for days if I know I’m not in a good headspace and won’t have the strength to just fucking ignore it, because sometimes drama catches my eye and I get nosy and go down the rabbit hole, too – having ADHD makes it really hard to avoid sometimes LOL – but like I try to be reasonable and love myself enough to avoid it when I can help it. I’m not willing to make my own problems everyone else’s problem, and I hope that some of these shit starters in fandom will get there, themselves.

So yeah it blows when the vibes are fucking atrocious, and it REALLY blows when it’s a fandom this small where you can’t avoid it. Even when it’s a vocal minority it really just kills the fucking mood.

BUT WHAT I WILL SAY.

Whenever I say shit like “write what you want to read” and we’re talking about fanfic, or even meta or even silly headcanon posts or jokes, that also means draw what you want to see, it also means make what you want to hold, apply it to any creation you can think of. Put the thing you want to see into the world. And it counts for fandom, too.

I don’t want to be part of a fandom that’s constantly infighting and attacking people, so I don’t fight and attack people. I don’t want to be called a predator for being a Marius fan and so I don’t engage in posts that say as much, not even to argue, because I don’t want my followers (who might also be Marius fans!) to have to see that on their dash. I want us to protect our peace and create a space we want to be in.

Like I have a policy that any time someone says I’m a freak or any time I see truly godawful word salad discourse, I go out of my way to post something kinky and offputting about Marius LMFAOOOO  because I want to be surrounded by reasonable fun people who share my sensibility for fiction. AND SOMETIMES IT’S CRICKETS, AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD TO FIND YOUR PEOPLE. But at the end of the day I know I’m being my most sincere self and I’m trying to have a good time and just post fun things that I enjoy. And like, the book fandom is small as fuck and we’re all famished, but I think if more of us did that, we’d build a much more productive and tolerant space.

And for all the shit I’ve mentioned, all the drama and attacks and all the times people have harassed me or tried to make me feel small, you know what? I just got back from @apoptoses & @cup-of-lixx 's wedding and they met in VCblr! We spent all week with our VCblr friends! We all went to New Orleans together last Halloween !

When I used to work on ships it was like a fandom friend world tour! I had so many coffees in port with my vampire friends!

I’ve learned so much about writing from all the time I’ve spent here and the community of writer friends who supported me! There’s folks I met on VCblr that I talk to LITERALLY every day! They are such huge parts of my life and genuine life-long friends!!!!!!

Sometimes it seems like the ROI is garbage but like, so much of finding the joy is also learning to protect yourself from the negativity.

It IS out there. It DOES suck. And it’s lonely when you haven’t found your people yet. But fandom doesn’t have to be the 500 angry assholes arguing with each other about a fucking TV show, it can be your 3 besties in a private group chat having a great time.

Like I just drove @hekateinhell to the airport (met THROUGH TUMBLR!) and on the way back I was listening to an episode of Last Day and they were discussing the concept that “community is a life raft” and it hit me so hard man!!!!!!!!!!!

Find your people! Block the shit starters! Mute discourse buzzwords that you know are going to upset you!

Keep! Posting! What! You! Want! To! See!!

Fandom is self-generating, we can do this!

My inbox is always open and BELIEVE ME I have been motherfucking persona non grata in this place before and I know how rancid the vibe can be so please come talk any time it's grinding you down, I got you!!!!!!!!!!!!

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 18

welcome to the eighteenth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. A Kind Of Cosmic Joke by @eatdirt

And it's not like it's a big deal. It's decidedly not a big deal. Really it's hardly a deal at all. It's just that, maybe, in the trick of the light, if you squint and turn your head just so, Keith is…

Keith is big.

nothing in the entire history of voltron legendary defender, nay the history of voltron entirely, is funnier than the moment where lance called keith grizzled. he absolutely deserves to be clowned on for that for eternity, even in modern aus, like this fic. lance freaking out about keith getting bigger is funny in every universe in every way and this fic nails it lol

2. only a hippopotamus will do by perfchan

Lance walks into the kitchen and stops. Physically stops, the cup in his hand that’s in need of a refill completely forgotten.

He turns, slowly. Raises an eyebrow. Are those...cookies? He blinks.

Yep. He leans in closer to inspect. Sugar cookies in the shape of pine trees. Green icing, mostly, with the stars on top slathered on in yellow. Well. They’re sort of messy, more like green and yellow blobs, actually. But that’s clearly the intention. Sprinkles for ornaments.

Christmas cookies.

There’s a whole plate of them---a paper plate, stacked high with handmade cookies, wrapped in plastic wrap---and they just randomly appeared. Right here on his kitchen counter.

Lance huffs out little sigh and shakes his head. Maybe mutters something under his breath. But he doesn’t give it much thought once he’s left the kitchen. Afterall, his perpetually cranky, sourfaced roommate basically lives to do weird shit to annoy him. Or something. Lance has found that living with Keith means one thing: expect the unexpected.

And everything tends to get a little crazier when the holidays roll around.

sweetheart keith! overdramatic lance! yes yes yes! and i mean overdramatic lance in this fic lmfao he is epitome dramaqueen bisexual. this fic kills me tho bc for starters its a modern au, and i fckn love modern aus, but further still it is an au wherein lance gets keith as a roommate entirely bc he finds keith hot and his smile breathtaking. what a dumbass nerd. love him

3. Trying Times by @shyfoxes

Keith comes back Hot and Lance has a crisis on the bottom bunk.

u know those fics that make u fan ur face a little? not necessarily bc it’s explicit or anything but bc its just so swoony and romantic and shit and ur embarrassed about how affected u are?? that’s this fic.

4. As If by @surveycorpsjean

The five times Lance was his impulse control, and the one time he wasn't.

y’all know me with 5+1s. i love this one in particular tho bc keith is such a prick lmao. i love when keith is rough and scowly and doesnt handle other people well and can’t emote to save his life. i love when he loves deeply and endlessly with his whole heart but in the least conventional possible way, and i love fics where lance slowly learns to recognise the strange ways in which keith says i-love-you and this fic kills that

5. A Human Thing by @xirayn

Lance comes through a wormhole as a woman. It doesn't change much. aka Lance is gender fluid so getting gender bent by space magic only presents one problem, which turns out not to be Keith.

“Lance, can we just talk? After that you can go back to avoiding me.” Lance scoffed even as her eyes remained stubbornly forward. “I’m not avoiding you.” “Then what are you doing?” That earned him a glare, which would have been annoying if not for how happy Keith was to have her looking at him again. “I’m being a good partner and giving you space while I'm not your type.” Keith crossed his arms and met her eyes with a glare of his own, brow furrowed and lips a tight line. “Not my type?” Lance let out a long sigh of exasperation. “Female, Keith. I don't want you to feel like you have to force yourself to be attracted to women just because your boyfriend currently is one.”

genderfluid lance loml! this fic explores that entire concept so so well, even with the complications of extablished klance and team dynamics and UGH this fic is genuinely one of my faves. the slow trickle to the reveal near the end was planted there the whole time, but i was so caught up that i didnt realise it so when it finally came to light i was gagged!!

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

[szilverer]

so, after a timely realization post-hallowmas,

reisz has officially joined the great hellbound railway's board! 🥳

...although. they did not think they'd be put in a position of power when they decided to invest contributing money from the sidelines. what do you mean reisz is on equal grounds with all these important people.? was it really that much money???

liveblog rambling about latest developments under the cut lol

wait, but the last i've updated of them they were still slowly dipping their toes into seeking and peckish enough to eat an entire clown car's worth of people! well, to sum it up, every addict has a wake-up call moment and reisz' came after the unexpectedly disturbing nightmare that left a little gift on their skin. reisz was not pleased by this in the slightest, but it's not like they immediately recognized it for what it was. they wanted to believe it was just a particular dream phenomenon, yeah, surely they'd be able to sneak away from it in parabola as always.

(this was when i realized the surprise benefit that was marrying them to edward-- i can use him as a plot device LMFAO. aight eddie i bet ya dont wanna become a widow while that moonmilk is still lingering so your job now is infodumping your clueless spouse every now and then. hence: )

after a little kidnapping, a frenzied feast of rubbery lumps and a bit of denial, reisz gets so goddamn pissed at the prospect of forever staining all their shirts (and their ivory gowl!!!) with blood that they quit seeking outright.

SIGHS.

so. that was that.

alas, after stitching themself up, reisz took up on an old invitation to concord square where some ppl (for some reason??) wanted to handle them the Jack case. considering reisz had already freed london of a menace of a man, sure, let's do it again.

it was there that they came across an invitation to the railway venture. once again, barely reading the details, they went headfirst into it. scrip? ya want scrip? i can get scrip stat. no idk what scrip is but i got it by accident when i sold some lab reports. hahaha yes im joking of course! of course.

reisz sacrifices 3 of their headless skeleton friends to the bone market the very next day (these being their first skelly dealings in that market ever...) and heads to the board. there were faces both old and new.

HAL - acquaintances, hadnt seen him in a while but had good times drinking before. fun company. alright.

The Efficient Commissioner - never seen before. (me, player: HIIIII HELLO FINALLYYYYYYY)

the board has reisz recommend choose a third member (why.) they only heard of Jenny way back in the waswood, and the last time they saw Feducci they had hacked him to pieces after a shared gaze of profound understanding that reisz didnt wanna think about, so... Jovial Contrarian my lad. come on over! we always chat at parties anyway!

reisz was immediately forced to go excavating to pay a bribe. off to a great start there. then the deviless reisz duped months ago invited herself over to the board and they sincerely hoped she had forgotten all that stuff about the stones.

finally, the church meddles in, and they have to choose between... a bishop they never heard about and the dean of xenotheology. they chose the dean solely bc she reminded them of Dr. Vaughan. (no, the bishop that edward kidnapped was never an option. he's one of the handful of people that know about the whole marriage thing so no way.)

this entire thing had barely started and it had already begun to give them a headache. reisz goes to sleep tired as all hell and is woken up at an equally unholy hour:

(cue me screaming bc i FINALLY get to meet this absolute celebrity. furnace the woman that you are. shes SUCH an interesting character right off the bat.)

reisz is not even close to being a political person -- they've been a red player through and through -- so they didnt particularly like the idea of being the bridge between the board and the union. it was to their relief that this furnace person seemed quite level-headed and someone they could personally get along. some good news, at least? (i am also very 👀 at the possibility of reisz actually giving a damn about a political faction in the future. lets see!)

now all the bureaucracy was out of the way, and the GHR can finally start laying the actual track! surely the other members are gonna make the arrangements soon, right?

...right...?

[moonpool-system]

Psychological self descriptors are important to autistic people who use them because SHORTHAND IS SOMETIMES ALL WE CAN USE. Expecting someone in a shutdown or meltdown to give you a fucking paragraph explaining what's going on is absolutely unreasonable. We are TRYING more than you can see, and being able to have a SINGLE WORD that conveys the concept is not only extremely useful but sometimes all we can pull up in our minds at the time. Like sorry I'm not pendantic when my world or my mind is crashing down around me lmfao. Maybe try acknowledging there're more ways of communication and healthy handling of ND issues than having full speech capabilities 1000% of the time lmaooo

ok to rb but allistics do not clown 8)

[etoilesbienne]

What's really funny to me is that people on twitter will act like everyone on the qsmp secretly hates bbh so everyone is throwing shade at him (the most recent example I can think of being etoiles and pomme talking about bbh being her dad and them thinking they were being sarcastic).

And it's like, you can hate the guy, but just know that projecting your hate onto people who absolutely do not feel the same way as you just makes you look like a clown lmfao.

YEAH THATS WHAT GETS ME TOO LIKE .... etoiles likes bbh? he hypes up bbh all the time? same to literally all of the french. hell pomme agreed to the adoption and wanted it. its just this weird projecting and hate that help nobody at all

[mayurisleftnut]

To reduce the feelings of a trans person down to fetishism then claim to feel objectified by it is just.. such an absurd stance to publicly voice as if it was a fact. Like yes I've wanted to tear myself apart - through self harm, through suicide, through eds - ALL my fucking life because I think man body is hawt😍

Negative feelings aside, im not done talking. Every time I've looked in the mirror since I was a kid - every single time - I've seen a short, weird looking man. Makeup? I'm in drag. Long hair? Butt rocker. Put that long hair in a bun? Cool now I have a man bun. Put on a full dress with makeup and heels and the whole nine yards? Well lets just say i have a weird relationship with forced feminization kinks. There hasn't been a single fucking day in all these years where a shift happened and suddenly I saw A Woman.

Funny thing is? Most of those years were in the closet, many of them while harboring passively transphobic opinions. I didn't see a man bc the Woke Left is fucking.. Doing An Agenda or some shit lmfao. I saw a man bc, regardless of how I felt about it, I'm a goddman man. But sure, call me a fetishistic woman if that helps you sleep at night. Whatever floats your stupid fucking boat you absolute fucking clowns

[samantha-and-her-chaotic-desires]

Hey! Hey, psiu! *Hands over headcanon*

Serafine: *Wears bright blue eyeshadow one day for some reason*

Mordecai: So you're- no, no, no, no, no, NO! You are going to change it RIGHT NOW! You can use red, emerald-green, or even that sparkly glitterly golden one if you like! But THIS, is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE! *Proceeds to drag Serafine back into the Savoys hotel suit, put another eyeshadow that actually fits her on her, and conficaste the bright blue one. All while proclaiming about how bright blue would NEVER fit with her red lipstick and golden-ish eye-color, because they're WARM colors that complement the white and black of her fur & hair, so bright blue ends up only clashing and making her look like a clown* (he sends the bright blue one to Mitzi because he knows it will fit better with her color palette) (yes, I strongly believe that Mitzi turned Mordecai into a fashionista)

I OWE YOU MY KIDNEY FOR THIS ONE, OMFG

yes, I too strongly believe Mitzi turned Mordecai into a fashionista lmfao and Serafine letting her Peekon do his thing because holy shit it's funny and endearing at the same time.