mayurisleftnut

[mayurisleftnut]

The real male loneliness epidemic is trans men and transmascs losing all sort of community and support systems that they had prior to transitioning, and being treated like a predator from those who should be by their sides, purely because they dared to be themselves.

[mayurisleftnut]

Did You Know a crown is a replacement tooth and they sand off the old one til it's a little nub? I figured crown like.. it goes Around a person's head?? So it would be a thing that wraps around.. my tooth..

Anyway I survived appt without panicking (thx to meds) but I'm also now officially avoiding the dentist like I owe them a no show fee and everything

The ambivalence of dreaded dentist appt coming up - anxious bc it is a dentist appt and I've never had a crown before, I heard it's not the worst thing in the world but also am just assuming it'll come with some drilling/sanding of tooth

But also excited??? Weirdly??? Bc someone gave me a few adavan to help me not fucking. explode into giblets with panic. and I've been holding onto them for over a Month. And this is me we're talking about, im the human equivalent of one of those tiny dogs that's all bug eyed and eternally shivering, like the self control it took to not Immediately put them in my mouth was um. *compulsively looks down at my wrist where there hasnt been a watch for at least 20 years* They should be delivering my Special Lil Guy trophy any minute

[mayurisleftnut]

Maybe even apple twiigs? U guys wanna chew on some nice. good for you bark:) perhaps a leaf or two??? No u do NOT get water dispenser full of cocaine I'm not made of money

Fr the coolest trans folks I've engaged with, both online and face to face, are very offline. And it's really fucking funny/tragic when I get one of them to look at all this terf-infested, pedantic infighting bc their reactions are confused and like.. mortified. Put ppl outside with healthy relationships and support networks and they're just like 😀 I love everyone! Therefor i posit terf queers are in unnatural, caged environs (cooped up online all the fn time) and wind up snapping at everyone bc of it

Gonna build u guys a big old hutch with lots of fun foraging toys and places to hide

[mayurisleftnut]

Fr the coolest trans folks I've engaged with, both online and face to face, are very offline. And it's really fucking funny/tragic when I get one of them to look at all this terf-infested, pedantic infighting bc their reactions are confused and like.. mortified. Put ppl outside with healthy relationships and support networks and they're just like 😀 I love everyone! Therefor i posit terf queers are in unnatural, caged environs (cooped up online all the fn time) and wind up snapping at everyone bc of it

Gonna build u guys a big old hutch with lots of fun foraging toys and places to hide

[mayurisleftnut]

Okay finally on the sideblog. Just a small addition to say I'd love to hear actual fucking.. productive discussions on what to do about this terfy bullshit rather than see it do what terfs are wanting it to do - which is causing more infighting. Like aaaaaany words of advice or where to even find them? I'm not very online, even less so after this drama with my friend (drama is a light word), and I refuse to believe the answer is More Arguing and slinging stupid fucking insults at each other. Like I said, we're not all like this, we don't take T and suddenly become shitty little.. dick hating trolls

I for one love dick😏 but also don't care wtf is below someone's belt unless I'm hooking up?? Like isn't that just the normal baseline of respect we're supposed to be giving each other? The idea that a person might get Peanus Jumpscare from a hookup is so fucking absurd, especially nowadays. Um. No but I also think terfs prey on insecurities and guilt too, like telling transmen they gotta be Real Careful not to wind up like those awful cis men (their view not mine) and so there's a lot of self regulating and probably confusion and hurt when trans guys who are 100% just men, like they dont want to retain any femininity, realize they're literally not safe with their own kind. And all the 'cis men dni' on transmasc bios on here like jfc it's getting bad

Shit I'm making myself late for work. But yah ideas.. um. I need them:/

it's very funny when transmascs whine about how transandrophobic trans women are and all of their examples are things that only other transmascs say. I have never, not once in my entire life, even from the most bitter and angriest of self-proclaimed baeddels, heard a transfem call a transmasc "zippertits". personally I think if you don't want to be called shit like that you should stop hanging out with transmeds and twerfs, but I guess in order to filter them out of your spaces you and your buddies would have to take a principled zero-tolerance stance against transmisogyny, so unless you're willing to do that I guess you'll just have to put up with it 🤷‍♀️

[mayurisleftnut]

Me: I gotta cut down HARD on my spending

Me 5 seconds later: *clicking Confirm Purchase on transmasc penis pump*

Like sorry not sorry to my wallet but I've been SO fucking curious about this. Ive seen a few utterly batshit videos of cis guys using pumps to do some frankly.. body horror adjacent? things to their meat. Like how.... ough it weird but kinda hot ngl. Anyway I'm not trying to do anything extreme but I've seen testimony from other trans guys swearing it makes it bigger if u stick to a regiment

Other than the 50 bucks I now lack, what do I have to lose* amiright😏

*btw I have and will follow the instructions so plz don't warn me about risks/proper use like if yr one of those guys lemme just say. I'm 40 years old. unasked for advice is condescending regardless of age but believe me, it feels worse the older I get. Dhdhdh this will probably be another zero to one note post, but the amount of 'B-BUT THATS DANGEROUS' I've both witnessed and experienced on this site makes me paranoid whenever i discuss doing anything riskier than sitting in place with a helmet on (just incase i fall over)

[mayurisleftnut]

Briefly got excited about a 'new' opioid treatment called Sublocade, like just the tiniest bit of hope that it would be a non addictive alternative. But nope it's literally just the same thing I take (bupranorphine) just in extended release form... via subdermal implant, I think. I guess the Sub in the name should've tipped me off, since Suboxone is the brand name of bupranorphin

Ngl I do understand why this would be a superior option for some people. But if I'm gonna be taking an addictive medication for the foreseeable future (ie for the rest of my life unless something bad happens), let me Take The Medicine - then feel it - every day so I have smth to look forward to. They are my government-approved, toned down treats for being a Good Addict:3

Otherwise it's like 'I'm addicted to a substance and all I got is this lousy subdermal implant shirt' vibes fr

[mayurisleftnut]

warning for: deadnaming/misgendering , also mention of some local murders (maybe hatecrimes) and just. general downer of a rant/vent

fun new concern: have started getting pinned as male enough that i'm getting he/himmed by workingman joe randos, which is great! but my parents keep deadnaming and misgendering - even in public - and it occured to me that clueless transphobes are gonna assume that means i'm a guy trying to be a woman

it's happened to me a few times, once before i was even on T. but i've been dressing pretty masculine lately unless i'm somewhere i feel moderately safe, so it's been a... kinda terrifying at times when i'm getting sir'd by a guy with a thin blue line flag on his shirt or whatever.. but i've stayed under the radar. But! none of that matters if I have two people next to me loudly and repeatedly referring to me in the feminine. Like i actually shaved off my mustache the other night bc I'd agreed to go to dinner at this fucking. seafood place they love. for my mom's birthday. and it's always full of old, conservative-looking people who uhhhh like... no, i'm not worried about getting into a physical altercation at the Billybobs Seafood Shack, i'm worried about someone sneaking a picture of me and posting it to their FB hategroup or some shit

If that sounds paranoid: a very 'cornerstone of the community' out and proud, married gay couple was murdered here a few months ago (not the one where the neighbor was the murderer, this is smth you can find in Buffalo NY if you care to look it up), like it shook the community to its core when it happened... and that was after the city's oldest gay bar burned down earlier in the year. ofc neither incident was dubbed a hate crime but um. obviously there are some doubts. and all i'm saying is i wish my parents would stfu with the woman shit:/

we already had a talk about it a while back, and 'we're trying our best' is what they said. so like cool... that's great and all.. but i don't want to be murdered, and you are putting a neon MURDER ME arrow over my head while trying to tell me 'we're always here for you'. and it doesn't matter if i repeat myself. and telling them i fear for my safety is just gonna make my mom say some realllly shitty, ugly things (ohhhhh you're FINE, the gay... whatevers... have it GREAT nowadays!!!! and will you STOP exaggerating about Trump, why is everyone so dramatic!!!!) like it will not help

ugh

[mayurisleftnut]

i was like 'it must be in reverse'😭

[mayurisleftnut]

why are sex toys so expensive; not as in 'i don't understand the cost of labor and materials' but in 'health insurance should be paying for this, especially for ppl who can't get off without one due to disability, injury, or whatever fn reason (me it ME bc my wrists are so fucked up)'

fyi this isn't even a remotely sexy discussion below, just am talking about toys and cost and fuctionality (or lack thereof) but um. have a readmore just for funsies

anyway just was looking at a tiny little packer that has like. a hole in it? that you're supposed to fuck, i guess? not a vibrator just a hole in a piece of silicone?? for 50usd and i'm talking about it like it sucks (i can guarantee you no sucking is happening without a machine of any kind in that thang) but i don't even know! maybe it's the best sex toy known to (trans)man and everyone has one except me bc like. it's so revered in this community i keep failing to be a part of. so uhhhh maybe, is all i'm saying

but i'll never fucking find out. not EVER. bc theres no way in hell i'm paying 50usd for a. goddamn hole:/ so uhhhhh guess i'll just keep using this goddamn... slightly frustrating vibrator with a too-small hole that does actually suck if you can fit your dick in it which. i cannot (ngl i think it's for regs, non HRT clits) also it's a Rose shape which is a very stupid design for something you can't fully submerge. like yes let's put lots of petals on this, soooo many crevasses that are hard to scrub out, which is guaranteed to be the FIRST thing a guy wants to do after an orgasm

so yes the US government will surely recognize their mistake and make an amendment. .. ... ..........whoops i just made myself mad:/ *sits here for like ten minutes* anyway death note isn't an inherantly evil tool, light yagami was just the shitass son of a cop

[mayurisleftnut]

Stuffed toys are fine and good until yr partner is fucking yr brains out on yr bed and the headboard starts shaking and yr stuffed toy collection starts falling down and landing on them. Like yes, yes that is Simba from the Lion King. Yes it does look like he's staring at you no matter the angle, pretty creepy ig. Are we gonna keep going or... shit there goes Flipper🤦‍♂️🐬

[mayurisleftnut]

Heehehehhooo I took some lewds for grindr album today, camera was aimed too high here lol. But I like the pose:3

[mayurisleftnut]

Jsbwhdhdhe chatted with someone I met on grindr for a long while last night - they showed me some pics of themselves shirtless but no lewds- and alllll this time until like right now?? I thought they were transmasc???? But I finally said okay to lewds (even tho I expressed I wasn't rly interested, they asked again and I was like 🤷‍♂️ okay sure ig?? Why not??) And that was definitely a um. A Peanis

So anyway trans radar isn't real and I'm the proof:D also wild I was able to talk back and forth for so long without either of us figuring out I was wrong about their whole ass.. anatomy. Oh and I'm fine with dick pics btw, like I wasn't offended by Peanis jumpscare or anything just. am feeling quite stupid

[mayurisleftnut]

New business idea: give me money to scrape your pipe:) be it weed, tobacco or some other, less reputable substance, I am soooooo fucking good at getting it outta there for you to maybe even smoke again (dont. Plz dont do that with tobacco). Just please sign this disclaimer that you'll pay in advance and. you won't get mad if I break your pipe 😬👉👈 cuz really, that's on uou for buying a shitty pipe and I will NOT!!! be guilt tripped!!!!

I also might smoke it depending on what u got in there and um. That's also not my fault😬👉👈 like it's kinda what you get for giving someone who's good at pipe scraping free reign over your pipe:/ Like what, did u think I practiced on fake pipes at pipe cleaning school. Do you think I have a little diploma hanging up in my bedroom. Bitch

[mayurisleftnut]

weeee it me i'm so masc *notices stuffed animal hanging off headboard* GODDAMNIT no just. look it is filled with rocks so i can kill a man with it if i choose

*pulls out a cig and lights it* that 'stuffed animal' is the last thing you'll ever see

[mayurisleftnut]

Yippee hurray it's T shot day🎉💉💯💪

[mayurisleftnut]

The ambivalence of dreaded dentist appt coming up - anxious bc it is a dentist appt and I've never had a crown before, I heard it's not the worst thing in the world but also am just assuming it'll come with some drilling/sanding of tooth

But also excited??? Weirdly??? Bc someone gave me a few adavan to help me not fucking. explode into giblets with panic. and I've been holding onto them for over a Month. And this is me we're talking about, im the human equivalent of one of those tiny dogs that's all bug eyed and eternally shivering, like the self control it took to not Immediately put them in my mouth was um. *compulsively looks down at my wrist where there hasnt been a watch for at least 20 years* They should be delivering my Special Lil Guy trophy any minute